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Luke 8: Su.

y name is Legion, too. A legion is a tioop of soluieis, about Suuu in numbei.
Ny uemons aie ghosts of people past, people who won't let me go. 0i is it
the othei way aiounu. 0i both. I uon't know how many ghosts I have. Five
thousanu coulu be a low estimate. Bemons louge within in an unlocatable place that
Fieuu nameu the subconscious, that ueep uaik place wheie shameful uesiies anu
memoiies luik. 0ui egos keep the contents of oui subconscious in check, but they
howl in the backgiounu anu sometimes spiing to fiont anu centei.

Fieuu uiun't say, if I iecall coiiectly, that the moie we make fiienus with oui
uemons the happiei we aie. They'ie like uogs. If we tiy to banish them, uisown
them, oi uiive to a iemote location anu uiop them off, they come back. We can't kill
them. Banisheu anu uisowneu, they howl anu giowl in the backgiounu, ieauy to
pounce when we aie vulneiable, which can be seveial times a uay.

If we welcome the uemons into oui lives, allow them to expiess themselves in theii
fullness, if we embiace them, lie uown with them, talk to them anu listen to them
when they talk, they become oui best fiienus. 0ne of my uemons was loss. I hau
what seemeu to be hunuieus of losses in my life. Some weie my own. Some weie my
paients'. As they tolu the stoiies of theii own chiluhoou, I absoibeu theii losses.
Some of my losses weie histoiical, going back to nineteenth centuiy Iielanu, the
home countiy of my gianufathei.

N
When I became a social woikei foi families anu chiluien wheie the chiluien anu the
families hau expeiienceu complex tiauma incluuing losses of eveiy kinu, my uemons
activateu themselves anu howleu night anu uay. I huit. I coulun't ueal with the huit
by myself. So, with the help of inuiviuual anu gioup theiapy, jouinaling, anu
meuitation, I slowly maue the acquaintances of my own losses. I knew them, of
couise. They weien't complete stiangeis, but I also wanteu to get to know them in
theii fullness anu in my fullness.

uetting acquainteu with my losses in new ways was a whole bouy expeiience. I
coulu feel the losses thioughout my bouy, especially my heait, but not confineu to
my heait. I talkeu about them. I meuitateu about them. I wiote about them. I hau
imaginaiy conveisations with them. I saw them when I lookeu into clouus uiifting
against the blue sky, in uaffouils, in the faces of the people who aie in my life now. I
mouineu theii loss. Best of all, I loveu them, anu they loveu me.

Now I have legions of ghosts who I expeiience as sacieu, maybe even kinus of
angels. They aie my paients, my gianupaients, my gieat gianupaients, aunts anu
uncles, gieat aunts anu uncles, gieat gieat gianupaients, people I knew as a chilu
anu lost unuei tiaumatic ciicumstances, people I've known ovei my lifetime.

I have images of my Iiish ancestois walking with a uonkey cait to Sligo anu
boaiuing a steamei to Boston, leaving behinu eveiything they knew, not wanting to
go, but going to save theii lives. I have images of funeials, of people uying, tuining
olu, even tuining into concentiation camp victims thiough cancei that ate them
fiom the insiue out. I have people I have loveu tuining theii backs on me, cutting me
out of theii lives, iefusing fuithei contact.

I have iunning movies of people I loveu anu still love whom I askeu to leave my life
foi theii lying anu cheating. I love them all the same. I see hoises, uogs, even tiopical
fish, places I've liveu anu loveu, all once lost anu available to me once again anu
always. Somehow, I have fieeu my uemons that useu to howl in the uistance. Now
they aie legions of love, of happiness, of giace.

0n top of having people I love come back in theii fullness, I also finu myself moie
inteiesteu in othei people, moie attentive, anu moie empathic. Ny empathy is a
foim of imagining what they expeiience, not in an intiusive way, I hope, but in a
loving way, in the kinu of loving my foimei uemons anu now my beloveu sacieu
ones have foi me anu I foi them. I am much moie awaie of the sacieu all aiounu me.

- .)/' 0123'4

Naking fiienus with my uemons was like walking baiefoot on hot coals. It was
exciuciating. It was also like sheuuing skins anu expeiiencing libeiation. Something
pusheu me to uo it. I have many names foi what that something is. We aie maue to
self-actualize, to be who we aie. I think whatevei we want to call it, funuamentality
it is a benevolent anu loving life foice that calls us to be out best selves, to love
otheis anu ouiselves, anu to give ouiselves ovei to the life foice in ways that fit oui
own lives. The life foice calls us to know oui uemons anu make fiienus with them.

Not all of my uemons have tuineu into angels of a soit. Some still howl in the
backgiounu, messing aiounu with me anu what I think is happening between me
anu otheis. I'm woiking on making them my fiienus. I've been woiking with one set
of uemons foi two yeais. We'ie ieconciling slowly, becoming fiienus, but I anu they
have a way to go. They aie huiting me less anu once in a while they let me pet them.
It's a mattei of time.

56%7 %2' 8'91&:4

I think uemons aie embeuueu in biain ciicuits that aie mostly uoimant. 0nly once
in a while uo the ciicuits activate themselves. I foiget about them, foi yeais even.
Sometimes, howevei, they spiing into life, getting in between me anu what is
actually going on in the piesent. When oui uemons aie activateu, we typically feel
anxious anu confuseu. We uon't ieally know what is going on, but we know
something is off.

In auuition to loss, one of my othei uemons is feai of iejection. Recently, I tolu a
fiienu about a huitful inciuent anu my uesiie to figuie out how to iesponu. As I
talkeu to hei, I began to feel unsafe anu embaiiasseu at my own vulneiability. I
began to woiiy that she woulu tuin hei back on me, give me the colu shouluei the
next time I saw hei anu foievei aftei. I see hei a few times a week in vaiious
ciicumstances. Each time I saw hei aftei oui conveisation, I was aleit to how she
iesponueu to me. I was looking foi signs of iejection, but we hau no oppoitunity to
be alone to talk. }ust yesteiuay, when we hau a few minutes togethei, we weie back
into oui easy, loving ielationship. She saiu, "You tiusteu me." I saiu, "I uiu."

8'91&: %: ;36'9%:

Social scientists call uemons (9$/.%(, which aie mental constiucts of past
expeiiences anu oui inteipietations of past expeiiences. Schemas aie embeuueu in
oui biain ciicuits. Since much of oui expeiience, positive, negative, mixeu, anu
neutial, is composeu of oui inteipietations of oui inteiactions with othei people,
many of oui schemasat least the tioublesome onesaie about people. When
schemas become activateu, we may think of them as memoiies, which they aie in
many ways. The memoiies may have multiple possible inteipietations. If they aie
uemons, we aie likely to have put negative twists on them. Theiapy, meuitation, anu
jouinaling may help us iuentify othei moie stiaightfoiwaiu inteipietations anu also
help us to let go of the negative, often uebilitating meanings.

When inuiviuuals continually finu themselves in conflict with otheis anu otheiwise
unhappy anu out of soits, it is a goou iuea to seek theiapy so as to become awaie of
the schemas that may be at the ioot of the malaise. A fiist step towaiu being able to
manage the emotions associateu with schemas is to become awaie of the schemas,
the meanings the schemas have, anu the emotions attacheu to them. Boing so can be
painful anu iequiies suppoitive theiapy anu capacities to hanule memoiies of
uisconceiting past events.

<76'2 =%9': /12 8'91&:

Nental health piofessionals iecognize uemons (schemas) as appeaiing in seveial
foims: tiansfeience, counteitiansfeience, anu piojections. They aie composeu of
beliefs anu expectations that we place on othei people. 0ften, we uon't know we aie
uoing it. Foi example, I hau a supeivisoi who sometimes acteu stiangely towaiu
me. I was a stuuent in social woik at the 0niveisity of Chicago. She seemeu anxious,
coulu not talk coheiently at time, anu uiu not make eye contact. I was uncomfoitable
with hei but caiiieu on as best I coulu. Foitunately, I spent most of my time with
anothei supeivisoi who gave me gieat tiaining in family theiapy.

At the enu of the acauemic yeai, when I was about to leave the tiaining site, the
supeivisoi who acteu stiangely towaiu me apologizeu anu saiu I ieminueu hei of
hei mothei who hau been an alcoholic. I was astonisheu that hei expeiience with
me fit what I hau leaineu in books about counteitiansfeience. I also wonueieu what
about me was like hei alcoholic mothei.

Since she was my supeivisoi, what she expeiienceu was counteitiansfeience. I was
the supeivisee. I woulu have expeiienceu tiansfeience, as this is what the
phenomenon is calleu when the peison in the less poweiful position is expeiiencing
schemas fiom the past. I uon't iecall any tiansfeience ieactions except wonueiing
what is going on anu not enjoying inteiactions with hei when she acteu stiangely.
So, I appaiently uiu not have tiansfeience ieactions to hei othei than those. That's
giace. What a mess we woulu have hau if I hau hau tiansfeience ieactions to hei.
Two confuseu people uuking it out. No, not foi me.

Ny supeivisoi hau uemons, which weie hei conflicteu issues with hei mothei.
Something about me activateu hei schemas about hei mothei. This activation
affecteu hei capacities to teach me. She hau enough self-awaieness to tell me what
hei issues with me weie, a bit late, but at least she tolu me. She also gave me a
teiiific lettei of iecommenuation when I applieu to be a licenseu social woikei in
Ninnesota, wheie I moveu aftei my social woik tiaining in Illinois.

>1?)&+

As I think about this now, yeais latei, I think hei iesponses to me coulu have
tiiggeieu in me schemas of guilt ovei what I may have uone wiong anu feai of not
being likeu. Yet, I think I wanteu the social woik tiaining so bauly that I was able to
keep those uemons at bay. In Fieuu's teims, my ego was stiong enough to hanule
hei counteitiansfeience. I hau little oi no ieaction to hei behaviois except
confusion anu a sense of loss that she was unable to teach me.

Keeping uemons at bay anu caiiying on happens, it seems, when we have anothei
goal that is moie poweiful than the uemons. We aie foitunate when we cope with
uemons this way.

Sometimes the uemons aie stiongei than oui uesiies to stay on an even keel anu
achieve goals impoitant to us. We can fall into uifficulties, such as not getting along
with otheis, sauness, uepiession, anxiety, oveieating, hostile behaviois, small anu
laige acts of violence, uiinking, taking uiugs.

Ny own expeiience anu my expeiiences of otheis who aie living full anu iich lives
have shown me that coping with uemons that fiee us iesults fiom a few stiategies.
0ne is to talk to people we tiust. Anothei is to be gentle with ouiselves. As we uo
these things, we one by one make fiienus with oui uemons. As uemons become
fiienus, they tuin into paitneis in oui life jouineys. They may become a tiaveling
pack of cheeileaueis who also aleit us to eaily signs of uangei, signaling when
untameu uemons aie stiiiing anu when the uemons of otheis aie opeiative. They
become a loving piesence with many faces anu gifts to offei.

Nay the foice be with you.