Sanghamitra July 2011

CREDITS
SANGHAMITRA
An e-zine of Good As You, Bangalore http://www.goodasyou.in
Design team
Contact us at
editors.sanghamitra@gmail.com
Editorial team
Saumitra Chandratreya
Neha Bhat
Cover page & Cover section design
Aditya Sengupta
Karan Shah
Illustrations
Vidya Pai
Neha Bhat JD
Shoubhik Bhattacharya
Cover photo
Website
Dhroov Q
Indu Antony
Editorial A Dedication Danish Sheikh
4. 5.
Suicides In The Hijra Community Vinay Chandran
39.
Good As You Pages

Bangalore celebrates Another Anniversary of Landmark Judgement Vidya Pai 6.
Coming Out
An Understanding Father Kunal Mehta 12.
Fiction
Pain 13. 36. Shridhar Sadasivan ( translation : Niruj ) 8. 33. Yes I Am Yas
Personal Stories
Afterthought Unsung Plasm Poke pS What Would you Like To Order, Sir? Neha 37.
Bi The Way
My Progressive Penis Pavan 26.
Embracing the Gender Spectrum

The Bureaucratic Logic of the law : Developments Related to Gender Minorities in Karnataka Siddharth Narrain Conversations with Trans-persons Vidya Pai & Amrita Chanda A Glossary Of Terms used in the context of Gender/ Sexuality Studies Book Release: The Truth About Me: A Hijra Life Story (A. Revathi) Vidya Pai 30. 22. 19. 10.
Relationships
Challenging Lifes challenges Vidya Pai 27.
Manishs Kitchen
Basic Brownie Manish Gaur 29.
In This Issue
Poetry
A Dedication Danish Sheikh My Progressive Penis Pavan Would You Neha Your Coat Pavan 46. 32. 26. 5.
Book Review
Pink Sheep (Mahesh Natarajan) DhroovQ 44.
Agony Uncle & Aunt

Karan & Karen Bouquets and Brickbats 45. 47.
Shrinking Corner
Closet junkies Aswin Ratheesh, MD 34.
Boxes
Gaysi family and Writers block MJ Warning Signs for Suicide Prevention 39. 17.
Comic Strip
The Gay Noob Dhroov Q, Shreek D 37.
Vinay Chandran
Disclaimer
To the best of our knowledge all articles published here are original work, and, unless otherwise mentioned, have not been published before elsewhere (except in contributors personal blogs). If found otherwise, the responsibility lies solely with the contributor.
Safety
Crabs/ Pubic Lice Aditya Sengupta 41.
Excuse Me
A Fence Sitters View Sandeep Mahajan 43.
4 Sanghamitra July 2011
EDITORIAL
wo years since a momentous judgement, two years of not being criminals for merely being who we are. Have things changed? They have, and perhaps mostly for the better. Even the religious representatives invited to TV chat shows have moved on to issues like gay marriage or gay parenting from whether we ought to be criminals or not. We have a group of parents of LGBT folks adding their voice to ours. Who can forget the Dadis vociferous support in one of the NDTV chat shows? We have seen the release of several exclusively gay-themed films in this period, including in regional languagesone of them (my favourite of the lot), Sanjoy Nags Memories in March, even won the National Award for the Best Film in English. Several gay themed books have been published in this period, including Pink Sheep by our former editor, Mahesh Natarajan. Queer Ink is coming out with an anthology of LGBT stories of India soon. Attitudes are changing. We are looking ahead. But is everything really hunky dory? Not at all. Right here in Bangalore, the hijra community is facing a blanket threat of harassment by invoking an obsolete lawand this, after several progressive steps that had been taken by the government and other authorities in Karnataka. Siddharth Narrain discusses
Editorial
the details in this issue. A sizable section of the gay-lesbian-bisexual community expresses a huge amount of prejudice and ignorance about the hijra communitythis is ironical as hijras have been the front-runners of the LGBT movement in India, and due to their visibility they face a disproportionate amount of the discrimination too. Often shunned and ridiculed by the majority of the society, do they deserve this attitude from within the community as well? Yes, there are occasional cases of harassment, but ought we tar everyone by the same brush? Our set of cover articles about the transgender community including hijras, kothis, FTMs and many other sub catergories, proposes to educate us on a topic thats hazy to most of us and to bring forth the issues, lives, relationships of this community. As before, we have a diverse bunch of articles, poems and fictionand my favourite section, personal stories. We also have some cool illustrations this time. So, yes, were back with another issue. Yes, I know were latewed promised a
quarterly e-zine, with an annual print issue, and all weve managed is an annual e-zine. Wed managed to do last years issue in a mere two months. That made us ambitiousover-ambitious actually. One can offer a list of excuses, but thats not my way. Id rather we learn and readjust to a more realistic goal. This time were thinking of three issues a yearone e-issue in July during Judgement Anniversary celebrations and another around Bengaluru Pride, and the annual print issue in the last week of February to coincide with the BQFF. We welcome volunteersboth for the editorial and design teams, as well as for illustrations of articles. I hope you enjoy this issue of Sanghamitra, and as always, we would love to receive feedback and contributions for future editions from you!
Another year of freedom 365 moments of living free Another year of stories untold Of whispered conversation lost to the night Of hushed nights lost in the pages of time Of time lost and time found A year of first kisses And looks that went unreturned A compendium of lost lovers Without compasses to get back home A speed dash hurtle out of the closet Tentative two steps back inside A year of you and a year of me Another year of living with pride
Danish Sheikh
GOOD AS YOU PAGES
Bangalore Celebrates another Anniversary of Landmark Judgemente
early two years have passed since the historic verdict that changed the lives of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender people in India, and added power to the constitutionally guaranteed Democracy of our nation. Two years ago, on the 1st of July, many of us were biting our nails in nervous anticipation of tomorrow; awaiting with bated breath, the outcome of our 10 years of legal struggle and activism. And then came the judgement on the morning of July 2nd; the articulate and comprehensive reading by Justice Shah and Justice Muralidhar made it possible to speak about homosexuality within the language of rights not just gay rights, but HUMAN rights - which is exactly where it belongs. The huge, collective sigh of relief from within the community was followed by massive celebrations. And Im certain that there were many silent prayers of thanks from inside many closets, at the foretelling of a future of hope and possibility. A media frenzy followed, both supportive and otherwise, and outrage from religious and fundamentalist fronts, many of whom we still stand to face in the Supreme Court. Two years since that morning, we rejoice and continue our wait for the day
in which the Supreme Court shall uphold the wise and emancipating judgement one that does not hold our rights as citizens conditional on our sexual identities. Last year, to mark the momentous occasion of the judgment anniversary, the LGBT community in Bangalore had lined up a diverse set of celebrations, of which a brief report follows.
We kick started the revelry on the 1st of
Bangalore Celebrates another Anniversary of Landmark Judgement

Vidya Pai
July with Freedom Song: an evening of performances ranging across a diverse spectrum-- vachanas, film songs, folk music, Mira bhajans, classical ragas, jazz, blues, and even an impromptu jig! The event was organized by four LGBT non profits: Swabhava, Good As You, WHaQ and Lesbit. Performers Sumathy Murthy and Akkaimma sang classical tunes and original compositions to an enchanted audience, while Chitra and Deepu brought in some playful filmy fun. Rebecca Miller was a surprise addition to the event, singing her own compositions on love and longing. The grand finale was an act by Fatimah Loren: jazz vocalist from Philadelphia, who wowed the audience with her tremendous soulful voice, embarking them on a journey through the struggle for freedom and human connection. The energy in the air was palpable, and the
GOOD AS YOU PAGES
audience was extremely receptive and spirited.
maadi was done in honour of the anniversary of a momentous judgement.
On the evening of July 2nd, The Fes-
This year, again, the LGBT community tival of Freedom was organized by the in Bangalore has lined up many events Campaign for Sexual Minorities Rights: to commemorate the anniversary of a colourful event, kind of like a mini the Naz Foundation judgement. The Pride Parade. There were speeches by Campaign for Sexworkers and Sexual eminent guests, testimonies from LGBT Minorities Rights (CSMR) is organizing persons from across Karnataka on how a public discussion on the Karnataka the judgement has affected their lives, a Police Act amendments on the 1st of book launch, and dance and music per- July, between 3pm and 6pm in the Putformances as well. tanna Chetty Town Hall. July 3rd saw a movie screening at the Swabhava office in Sampangiramnagar, followed by the launch of the 2010 edition of the newly revamped Sanghamitra. Community members attended, were walked through the e-magazine, and a lovely cake (inspired by the Sanghamitra cover) was brought in by Manish and enjoyed by all. On the 2nd of July, there are three events planned, starting with a release of balloons at the Victoria Statue in Cubbon park at 9:30am. Love in the time of 377 is an event at the Cubbon Park Bandstand between 4pm and 6pm, where people come together to share stories, letters, and poems. The final event starts at 6pm at the Swabhava office in Sampangiramnagar, and will Simultaneously on the 2nd and 3rd of see the launch of this issue of SanghamiJuly, an art exhibition called Nosotras tra, as well as the screening of a double was held at Jaaga, exploring the bounda- feature of queer cinema. We hope to see ries of gender identity and femininity many of you there! in the cultural context of Bangalore. It featured photographs (including that of many of the Bangalore LGBT community members) by Chilean Paulina Gonzalez Rocha, with audio art by New Yorker Rebecca Miller. All in all, plenty of well-deserved majja
PERSONAL STORIES
Afterthought
June 2001
The luxury car cruised beside the vast ocean. The waters rippled softly towards the shore as the waves broke against the rocks and receded into eternal blue. This stretch is called the Marine Drive, she swerved her finger. Its also called the Queens Necklace. At night, when the street lamps are lit, it looks like a pearl necklace. He listened quietly and nodded. All of thirteen, he scarcely thought he would remember the buildings she identified to him. But then, he hadnt been brought up to speak his mind. He sank further into a corner, intimidated by the sole company of his affectionate cousin, twenty years his senior. He turned his gaze toward the ocean, watching the waves ripple softly towards the shore. Neha Bhat
had of me. If we were wealthier, she would not have those expectations and I would not have to be in a position where I let her down, he said, breaking years of silence. Why did you think you would not be able to fulfil her expectations? he heard her question. Because I didnt know for sure if I would always remain part of the family, once they came to know about me. Because back then, I probably thought most of us walk down that same road. The road of no acceptance. Today, Im not so sure. Father seems loving and accepting of deviants. Mother may not seem so now, but shell understand eventually. Back then, I had no hope. I had rebelled because I wanted to reject them before they could reject me. Today, Im not so sure. More silence followed, interrupted occasionally by the sound of the waves breaking on the rocks. I wish I could have told you all of this while there was time. He turned to where she had sat nine years ago, and beheld the void. All he had now were memories - Memories of her in her resplendent grace as she had stridden through her abruptly short life,
Afterthought
squirming at the tone of her voice. He himself could not completely understand the reasons behind his outbursts, and what resentment he held against his parents. At that point, everything was confusing - the past, the present and the uncertain future. Her eyes angrily scanned his face, a poor
Unsung Psalm
attempt at deciphering his thoughts. He looked down at the table, seething. His parents and all the others sat at the table in an uncomfortable silence.
June 2007
This is extremely unexpected and unpleasant. Her tone was stern and grim. I always thought you were raised to be very well-behaved and disciplined. These outbursts at your parents are confusing and unsettling. He listened quietly, his insides
June 2010
The resentment I held against my father three years ago was for not earning enough. It stemmed from the expectations my mother has always

leaving behind a grieving mother, widower, family and an innocent young child. A perfect life. Her perfect life. I wish I could have given you thirty years of my life. You had everything the perfect loving family, a doting husband, a precious child, immense wealth, a beautiful life. All I have is gloomy uncertainty. I wish I could have given you thirty years of my life. The luxury car cruised beside the vast ocean. The waters rippled softly towards the shore, the waves broke against the rocks and receded into eternal blue.
FICTION
Afterthought
EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM
n an almost surreal development, the LGBT community in Karnataka suddenly discovered that the state government has passed a law in March 2011 that will effectively bring back into the statute book provisions of the Hyderabad Eunuchs Act, an archaic law that is based on the Criminal Tribes Act 1871. This legislation was based on the British colonial governments belief that certain tribes and communities in India (including eunuchs) were predisposed to criminality and should be notified as criminal at birth. This legislation was repealed by the government of independent India in 1952 and was rejected by Nehru as being out of consonance with all civilized principles of criminal justice and treatment of offenders. However, it was replaced by the Habitual Offenders Act (HOA), which was enacted to target individuals, not communities. The manner in which this legislation was introduced shows us how government machinery can continue with its warped logic even if the government of the day is changing its views towards hijras in the state. The Karnataka Repealing and Amending (Regional Laws) Bill 2009 repeals a number of regional laws in force in the former States of Bombay, Coorg, Hyderabad, Madras and Mysore
in the respective Areas of those States that are now part of Karnataka. Among the included acts is the Hyderabad Eunuchs Act (1329 F. XVI), which provides for registration and control of eunuchs. A One-Man Committee (K.R. Chamayya Committee) proposed an amendment of the Karnataka Police Act of 1964 to replace significant provisions of the Eunuchs Act within their jurisdiction if necessary. The amendment was made without discussion or debate within the legislature. This proposed 36A power to regulate eunuchs amendment to the Police Act empowers the Commissioner to prevent or suppress or control undesirable activities of eunuchs, in the area under his charge, by notification in the official Gazette and make orders for: (a) preparation and maintenance of a register of the names and places of residence of all eunuchs residing in area who are reasonably suspected of kidnapping or emasculating boys or of committing unnatural offences or any other offences or abetting the commission of such offences; (b) filing objections by aggrieved eunuchs to the inclusion of his name in the register and for removal of his name from the register for reasons to be
The Bureaucratic Logic of the Law

Siddharth Narrain
Developments related to gender minorities in Karnataka
recorded in writing; (c) prohibiting a registered eunuch from doing such activities as may be stated in the order; and (d) any other matter [the Commissioner] may consider necessary. The vague language of the amendment grants the Karnataka Police broad powers to prohibit any other matter the Commissioner may consider necessary in relation to this act, which raises concerns regarding unguided and unfettered vesting of discretion in the Executive. Further the provisions relating to unnatural offences are contradictory to the Delhi High Courts judgment that excludes consensual sex between adults from the purview of section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, the section that deals with unnatural offences. These amendments were passed by the
Karnataka legislature without any discussion and apparently, without key Cabinet ministers being aware of its contents. These developments completely contradict the present government policies related to Karnatakas transgender community over the last year. The Karnataka government has issued an order to implement reservation for quota the transgender community, who are now included in the 2A category of the Backward Class Commission. The order also referred to providing housing facilities and opportunities for gender minorities to take loans from the government. Gender minorities cover a wide range of identities including hijras, kothis, jogappas, Female to Male and Male to Female transsexuals, and mangalamukhis. In March this year, following a petition filed by the Karnataka Sexual Minorities Forum, the Backward Classes Commission, headed by Chairperson C. S. Dwarkanath organized a public hearing on sexual minorities issues in its premises- a first for any body of its stature in India. Earlier this year, the Bangalore University, in a historic decision, announced that it would reserve one seat in all its 60 post-graduate courses for transgender persons, besides allowing for a gender category called
Other along with Male and Female in all its application forms. The Vice Chancellor of the University, N. Prabhu Dev has stated publicly that anyone who harasses transgenders on campus will be dealt with firmly under anti-ragging laws. However, there have been very few takers for this scheme so far since it is very difficult for transgender persons to get into degree courses or even get past school, given the level of discrimination that exists in educational institutions. One of the crucial reasons for some of the recent positive policies related to gender minorities in the state has been the advocacy of the current Minister for Energy Ms Shobha Karandlaje. Activists from the sexual minority rights organization Sangama approached her after seeing a post on her blog in which she wondered about the plight of the community. These activists then arranged for Ms Karandlaje to visit Dasarahalli, an area in North Bangalore where a number of transgender persons reside. Under the glare of the media, a number of transgender persons told Ms Karandlaje about the nature of their problems and demands. With Ms Karandlajes support, the Chief Minister Mr. Yeddyurappa publicly stated that the state government would provide ration cards and a monthly pension of Rs. 400 for all transgenders above the age of 40 (on the
model of a similar benefit given to devadasis in the state). He also said that the government would consider implementing the recommendations of the state Backward Classes Commission, which earlier this year had recommended that reservations be extended to include transgenders and sexual minorities. The delegation of transgender activists urged the Chief Minister to extend the policy changes announced by Bangalore University to undergraduate and P.U.C. courses in the state, and to provide affordable housing, insurance and loans to the community. Despite the Governments order, and the Chief Ministers assurances, none of these policies have been implemented effectively in the state as yet. In the light of these rapid developments in Karnataka, the amendments to the Karnataka Police Act have come as a rude shock. LGBT organisations and individuals and their supporters have planned a public meeting at the Town Hall on July 1st, a day before the second anniversary of the Naz judgement to discuss this law, and to urge the government to repeal these provisions. Key ministers in the state Cabinet including the Home Minister and the Minister for Law and Justice have told LGBT activists that they will reconsider these provisions of the law. These
developments, however, are a reminder to all of us that the law sometimes has its own bureaucratic logic. Law reform is a constant and continuous process that requires us to be vigilant regardless of the government or sympathetic individuals in power. (Siddharth Narrain is a lawyer and legal researcher and with the Alternative Law Forum, Bangalore)
COMING OUT/PERSONAL STORIES
An Understanding Indian Father
Coming Out/ Personal Stories We all know what Coming Out stories areand an LGBT publication can never be complete without at least one
of these. Do tell us your story, whether about coming out to parents, siblings, friends, at work, or to the world in general. Not only do these make interesting reading, but also inspire others who might be peeping out of the closet. We also welcome other personal stories in this space.
o not even dream of telling your Mom about this. She wont be able to take it and is sure to have a heart attack or a stroke! was what my father had to say when he finally realized that HIS SON was a homosexual. The obvious question that would come to anyones mind is, How did the realization dawn on him? Well, the answer did not lie in the way I dress or in my mannerisms or in him catching me wank off to gorgeous men on a 14-inch TV screen. The answer was a lot juicier, and I think, also a lot sweeter. He saw me kissing my then-sweetheart, he propped up against the kitchen countertop with my palm on his crotch and his on mine, on that sultry summer day when we were more interested in each others fluids than the cool, sweet mom-made concoction I had led him to the kitchen to put together. One would imagine that a scene from one of the early American gay movies would follow, tracing the tragic coming-out of the protagonist who is belittled and made to leave the house, and who would then start his unwarranted struggle in trying to lead the life he was meant to lead. But it was not to be so. This was meant to be a modern, post-AIDS story to do with leading a
An Understanding Indian Father

Kunal Shah
normal life in a subnormal society where bigotry and such is a way of life. To continue with the narrative, after placing his bottle back in the fridge, my father just walked out without mentioning a word, leaving me in splits of laughter, partly from the look on my then-sweethearts face and partly from relief that my father finally knew and I did not have to hide myself anymore. That bit about not telling my mother was said to me much later the next day, and that only because I forced my fingers into his mouth and down his throat to make him retch out his comment. I had made him understand the implications of what he had seen, and was eager to know his thoughts. My mom was out of the country visiting my sister. The conversation that I had with him that day is etched in my memory like it happened yesterday. His initial reaction had been, Did you not just kiss him because you wanted to practice before kissing a girl? (SHUDDER!!) The dialogue covered the usual How can you be sure? to the outrageous, in-true-Dad-style, Should I call a prostitute over? He even asked me how man-to-man sex is possible. Now, whether this was to check if I was a virgin or whether he was actually unaware was something I did not think of then, but one can never put anything past parents. There was silence after our little tte--tte. He said hed want some time to think things over. There was more suspense in that one evening than the most chilling Night Shyamalan movies. It left me wondering whether this thus-far modern tale was going to mirror the early gay movies after all. I was also thinking about how the meagre fifteen thousand I made every month was barely going to help me with the basics, and I couldnt help but wonder whether I would soon have to take to the oldest profession known to mankind to support myself. With
youth on my side, I was not too worried about being able to find meal tickets, my horror had to do with the vortex of ugliness that those kinds normally step out of. Finally, the morning turned out to be straight out of a syrupy, commercial Hollywood flick. I was glad to know life does get inspired by art sometimes - if not for everyone, at least for me. My father actually said that I was his son, no matter what, and that he would support me, come what may. He also said that he was proud of me for choosing a rather difficult path instead of the usual get married and fuck anything you like on the side path that most people would choose. Now whether he actually meant every word of what he said and whether he followed through on what he set out to do is matter for a couple of different tales. But at least for that morning, I was the happiest young gay man in India. And a very proud son of an understanding father.
FICTION
Pain
riday always meant the whole class was happy. P.T. Period! (Gym Class). From 3 pm to 4 pm, for one full hour, our class has full access to the playground. Even Aarumugam, who frequently skipped school, made it a point to come in on Fridays. Hey! I am in your team. I wont be the goalie this week. I stood at the goal post last week. Today, we must somehow get the new ball from Alvin Sir. He gave it to 7D already. Excitement would start building from noon onwards. Before the P.T. period was the Tamil class. Tamil Maam Seetha was a real witch. If we missed our homework, she would usually punish us with an imposition. However, on Fridays, she would knowingly make us stand outside the classroom. As soon as the Tamil class ended, everyone in the class would run to the playground, but those who didnt do their homework had to run behind Seetha Maam for a pardon. Maam, Sorry Maam. I will submit it tomorrow. She knew why we all were in a hurry but still witch Seetha would delay us on purpose. What is the big hurry? Is it the P.T. pe-
Pain
Shridhar Sadasivan English Translation : Niruj

homework on Fridays. Are you watching too much TV? Ask your mother to come see me tomorrow. I will Maam. I nodded. Okay. Now off you go. I then walked as slowly as I could to the playground. They had already divided the class into two teams and the football game had started. Thank goodness, I thought. As usual, as a punishment for coming in late, Alvin Sir asked me to run three laps around the ground before I could start playing. Yes sir. I didnt complain. After my three laps, I went and sat at the foot of a tree, making sure no one could see me. At times, Alvin Sir would spot me sitting idle under the tree and call me to his room. And of course, he spotted me today too! Hey you! What are you doing there under the tree? Which team are you on? Not playing, are you? No, Sir. Why not? Why do you think we have a P.T. period? You cannot simply sit through it, he said, and then blew his
whistle to call the captains of both the teams. Guys, take Kumar on one of your teams, he said to both the captains. Oh! He is a Pottai sir. I dont want him in my team, one of them said. Yes sir! He is such a Ombodhu . He cant play, said the other one. Shut up. You are going to get whacked! Take him in your team. Alvin sir pushed me to one of the teams. The captain had no choice but to take me. The teasing started as soon as I went onto the playground. Hey Kumari ! Go and play Khokho with the girls. What are you doing here with us? Ponduga Ajakku Words that burn you to a crisp! I tried to ignore them. I pretended they were teasing someone else and started walking away. Is this the way men walk? said one, picking a stone from the ground and throwing it at my hip. It hit right at my ribs. A sharp pain went through me. Ammaaaaaaaa !!!! I shouted, as I slumped to the ground, while ten of
riod? You could have done your homework, you know. If you got to the playground late, the teams would have been formed, all the best spots would have been taken and you ended up as a lame duck or lose your chance of playing. The boys would come up with instant excuses. I lost my notebook Maam. I had a stomach-ache last night Maam. Maam, my granny passed away. Okay, Go now. But you must submit it tomorrow. Even before Seetha Maam finished her sentence, the boys would flee to the ground. The same thing happened that day as well. I was, however, in no hurry. I took my time to move from there. Hey Kumar, wait, Seetha Maam stopped me. What happened to you? You usually do your homework on time. What happened to you today? Sorry Maam, I forgot my notebook. The worst excuse ever. Do you forget to eat? I have been watching you. You are skipping your
FICTION
Pain them surrounded me. See, You cant even stand being hit by one stone. And you call yourself a man, said another, and kicked me with his shoes. I screamed in pain and it fell on deaf ears. Hey look, Pottai is screaming. The kicking continued. Watch out! You might kick his balls, warned one of them. Pottais dont have balls, you see, laughed the other. Lets confirm. Both the boys started pulling my trousers. Two others joined in. Hey, Leave me alone! Let me go! Please! Ammaaa, I pleaded with them Although the two of them were still trying to pull my trousers, I somehow managed to get up, push them off me, and run away as fast as I could. I felt humiliated. I shouted Amma! Amma! and started to sob out loud. The world grew darker and my head was throbbing as if a huge weight had been placed on me. I slumped down on the grass. The sky had started to darken by the time I woke up. I got up in a hurry, took my bag, and started walking fast. By the time I reached home, Dad was waiting at the gate. Stop right there! Appa*? Why are you so late? It was the P.T. period, Appa. I know that. I am coming from Shekars house. Shekars father and my father are friends. ...... I heard from Shekar. So you cant even play football? Hmmmm, I cowered against the wall. Why are you squirming? Answer me. Come here, he dragged me by the hand. No! Please dont hit me. I screamed in fear. Next time I see you walking like this, I will break your legs. He hit me hard again. I wont. I wont Appa. Please dont hit me. I started crying. And yes one more time I see you playing with the girl next door, Poonkuzhali, I will show you how hard I can hit, he twisted my ear and dragged me close to him. Ahhh! No, No. Dont, Appa! Please, I wont play with her anymore. Tears flowing from my eyes, I begged in pain. I promise, I wont play with her. Appa, leave me, please leave me. Mom came running from the kitchen. Please dont. Let him go. Poor child. She pulled me from him and hugged me. You are spoiling him. Go ahead, make him a sissy, Dad yelled at her, and walked out after scowling at me. I was sobbing uncontrollably. Mom then unloaded my bag and wiped my tears OK, come with me. I will fix you dinner. Piping hot dosas, with coconut chutney. I was hungry, I gobbled them up. Kumar, my dear. Dont you have any friends other than Poonkuzhali? Mom asked me. No Amma. Make friends with boys in school then. Dont play with Poonkuzhali anymore. You are growing older sweetheart. You are a boy and you should act like one. Ok Amma, I nodded my head. What was mom saying? How am I supposed to act? What am I doing wrong? I dont even understand why everyone makes fun of me. How am I supposed to change? Am I not like all the other boys? What is wrong with the way I walk? I have two legs and take one step at a time. How could it be different? Why is everyone calling me a Pottai? None of the boys like me in school. Nobody wants to be friends with me. How am I supposed to find a friend? I was thoroughly confused and frustrated. School is hell. Every single day is a struggle. I get picked on by everyone, for everything. People make fun of me for the way I stand, the way I talk, the way I speak. Just to avoid all this, I go to school early every day. I am the first one to reach school; I go to my seat and wont move from there, not even for recess. I am so scared to walk in the school corridor. The last thing I want is to be picked on by a bunch of boys. Fear, shame and confusion rule my days in school.
Run Pottai run! You think you can play football? shouted one while the rest of What the hell is your problem? What is them laughed. wrong with the way I raised you? Why are you embarrassing me like this? What I was gasping for breath by the time I kind of a walk is this? Like a Pottai! reached my safe spot. I sat down at the Dad forced my head down, making me foot of the tree again. My limbs were bend over, and gave me a huge slap on shaking. My throat was parched and in my back. severe pain, like something was stuck in it. My eyes were brimming with tears. It felt like I was hit by thunderstorms. My body was trembling with shame. Amma! I screamed Appa! Dont! No!
FICTION
Pain Hey Kumar, smiled Poonkuzhali. What is she doing there? This is Ganesh. Ganesh, this is Kumar, from next door. She introduced us to each other. Kuzhali, so you didnt go to school today? I asked No I didnt. Today is my dads new store opening, She said. Oh! I see. You know, Ganesh is joining your school. She said to me, looking at him. Ganesh smiled at me. He seemed like a good boy. Average height, lighter skin, didnt look like a bully. 7C, he said. I am in 7C too! I was excited. Cool. Same class then! Kuzhali was excited too. Yes. I grinned. Let us play, Ganesh said. The three of us ran outside to the yard. Kumar and I are a team. Ganesh walked and stood next to me. I couldnt believe my ears! I was so thrilled. No other boy had wanted me in his team till now. I was flying high. We played for more than an hour. Kuzhalis mom came by and took her for the store opening. Ganesh took me inside his room. He showed me the new toys his Dad got for him. We were chatting, laughing and playing. He told me lot of stories from his previous school. Then he showed me his bicycle. It looks nice. I said. Do you have one? No. You walk to school, then? Yes. Why dont you learn to ride? It is too difficult for me. It is not. He said, Come, I will teach you. He grabbed my hands and made me get on the bicycle. Hey, no! I was a bit scared. Come on. Are you my friend or not? I am your friend. I smiled at him. Then listen to me. Get on the bicycle. I had to get on the bicycle. He held it from the back for support and said, Start. I slowly pressed the pedal. The cycle moved two feet. I lost my balance and shouted, Oh no! I am falling. I am falling. I fell down, with the bicycle on top of me. Thats okay. This is how you learn, Ganesh moved the cycle off me. I managed to get up on my own. Get back on it, he said, pointing the bicycle. No. Thats enough for today. I was embarrassed by the fall. Come on. Dont give up. You will be fine, trust me. Get back on it. He caught hold of me and made me get on the cycle again. This time it was three feet and then I fell again. We tried several times. Again, again and again. Not much of an improvement. Come tomorrow. I will teach you again, said Ganesh. Thanks Ganesh. I was very pleased. Okay, see you tomorrow, and he wheeled his cycle back to the yard. I stopped him. Hey Ganesh, listen. The seat next to mine in the classroom is free. You can sit next to me. I was so happy that I found a friend. Sure! Bye now, Ganesh agreed. I then walked back to home. Hey. How did it go? asked Mom. Ganesh is a nice boy Amma. He is my friend now. I was very proud. Good for you. Mom was happy too. I couldnt wait for Monday. I couldnt wait to go back to school, now that I have a friend. I was so relieved, happy and excited. When the second period started, Ganeshs father brought him to class. While the teacher was talking to his father, I got up from my seat and waved at Ganesh. He waved back and smiled.
There is no way I can tell all this to Dad. I once told Mom that I couldnt stand the teasing at school. I cried to her. Oh come on Kumar. Dont cry like a girl. It is quite common that kids make fun of each other. You are a boy. You should be bold. You should be a sport, said Mom. I never complained to her after that. I stood in front of a mirror and kept looking at myself. I had no idea what to do. Just thinking about all this gave me a headache. I quietly went to bed and closed my eyes. I just did not want to go to school anymore. If I could make up some excuse for tomorrow, then Sunday is a holiday. I dont have to worry until Monday. I can be in peace. Dad had gone to work early. I managed to cajole mother, and skip school that day. A new family has moved in to the next house. Their son Ganesh is joining your school. said Mom. Really? Yes. He is at home today. Go, talk to him. You can maybe find a friend in him. She added. I took my bath, had breakfast and rushed to the next house.
FICTION
Pain I pointed him to the empty seat next to me and signalled him to come sit with me. After a brief introduction, he was asked to pick a seat. He came sat next to me. I was overjoyed. The class started. Ganesh didnt have the books. Thats OK. You can look at my book. I shared mine with him. As soon as the class finished, the rest of the boys came to us and surrounded Ganesh. What is your name? Raghu asked. Ganesh Which school? R.V. Ganesh replied. So you know this Pottai from before, is it? laughed Raghu. What?? Ganesh didnt have a clue what Raghu was talking about. Oh, I am talking about this one. Miss Kumar. Raghu pointed at me. You seem to be his buddy, so you are a Pottai too? hard, Dont let him go they shouted at them. I was stunned. I froze. I didnt know what to do. By then, the teacher was in the class. She stopped the fight and gave a tight slap to each. She warned the whole class to behave. She then made Ganesh and Raghu stand outside the class the whole day. Ganesh was frowning, annoyed. I felt very bad for him. I hated Raghu for what he did to Ganesh. When the classes ended, I came out of the class looking for Ganesh. He was nowhere to be seen. He must have left. I got home, changed and went to Mom and asked her for two candies. Why do you want two? You will spoil your teeth! Mom wouldnt give me two. Amma, One is for Ganesh, please give me two. I pleaded with her. Okay, here you go Thank you plexed. I dont want to be friends with a Pottai. Now get off it. I was taken aback. I couldnt believe what Ganesh was saying. Ganesh, Please dont listen to the other boys. They make fun for no reason. By then my voice broke. I didnt want to lose him. Get off, I say! Ombodhu. He pushed me to the ground. As I lost balance, the two candies fell on the ground and rolled away. Amma! I cried. Hey, go away and dont come back here again. He kicked me. Amma! I cried out again in pain, tears flowing down my eyes. He stood the bicycle upright again, and walked in to the house. I was lying on the ground. My elbows were grazed and blood was oozing out. I couldnt get up. I couldnt make myself get up; so intense was the pain, the pain in my heart! Pottai is a derogatory term in Tamil, which usually means a female dog. Ombodhu is a derogatory term in Tamil, which usually means In between. This is often used to ridicule men who are effeminate, as they show behaviour of both the genders. Comparable Hindi term is Chakka. Kumari is a girls name, while Kumar is a boys name. Ponduga means a girl. It is often used in a derogatory way to tell a boy that he is not good enough to be with the group of boys and he belongs to the group of girls. Ajakku is a derogatory term in Tamil used to refer Transgenders and Hijras. Amma is Mother in Tamil. Appa is Father in Tamil.
That provoked Ganesh. He got angry. Whom are you calling a Pottai? He got I hurried to see Ganesh. His bicycle was up and punched Raghu on his face. parked on the yard. Ahh!! - Raghu shouted in pain. Ganesh! I called him and waited outside. I got on the bicycle while waiting. He then got right back at Ganesh. He He came out in a couple of minutes. got hold of Ganeshs arm and twisted it. Here is a candy for you. I held one out They both started hitting each other, and to him, grinning. rolling on the floor. The rest of the boys Hey! Get off my cycle he said in an surrounded them in a circle and started angry voice. cheering them. Go for it, Punch him Why? What happened? I asked, per-
Previously published on http://www. gaysifamily.com and Tamil magazine Thinnai.
Gaysi Family and Writers Block
Gaysi family and Writers block

MJ
Alittle more than two years ago, as I was
ideas about wanting a community. And thus Gaysi was born! Today, Gaysi is a site that has hundreds of readers and posts that feature personal stories, opinions, interviews with common folk and the occasional celebrity! It always amazes me to see how big weve grown & how many people email us to tell us that this site has been a revelation to them! Despite the new attention devoted to LGBTQ community post-377, I still believe that Gaysi serves a larger purpose, simply by giving everyone a voice. If there is a story to be shared or an opinion to be voiced or a review on anything related to our community, an email to us is all it takes get an audience of hundreds, perhaps even thousands, reading your story. Writers Block The role of literature in forming any community cannot be denied. The unavailability of an Indian LGBTQ literary culture in the online space is telling. When was the last time Internet readers even heard of a Marathi Queer novel, or an Assamese Gay poem? Writers Bloc seeks to fill this gaping hole in our col-
lective consciousness. It isnt the lack of voices or a dearth of ears, but there is a need to bridge the gap between the two. This astounding wealth of literature that describe Queer experiences can find a ready space, on Gaysi and Writers Bloc, which will create an empowering Queer voice that will inspire courage and hope. So what do we do? We accept submissions in regional languages and have them translated by anyone willing, straight or queer, online or offline. This then goes online for all to read. Since we started this project almost a year ago, we have translated literature in Urdu, Hindi and Tamil by first time translators who with their dedication and a little encouragement have created some truly amazing reading for the rest of us. What youre reading here is a translation of Tamil author Shirdhar Sadasivans short story, Pain. Were also looking to translate English works into different regional languages. Weve translated one true story of a person who underwent female to male transition, from English to Marathi. Why are we doing this? Because we love a good story. And because we all know
slowly coming to terms with my sexuality I mourned the dearth of community support for the South Asian LGBTQ community. Where were women with family backgrounds like mine, who had walked this path before me? Where were the experiences that I could learn from? My partner is American and so no matter how much she supported me and no matter how many times she told me that everything would be alright - it didnt ring completely true to me. I needed to hear those words from women who had to face the orthodoxy of Indian society. I needed empathy from those who went to a wedding only to have all the aunties feel entitled to ask you extremely personal questions. More than words of comfort I need to know there were others like me. Improbable as it sounds, I had never met anyone who was South Asian and gay and if I had I didnt know it. The personal blog I started was a wonderful way to talk about what was happening in my life, but I still yearned to connect with those who had gone through what I had. Soon I had women telling me how their story was just like mine. Then I met MJ who had the same
the power of a good story. If you want to know more, or would like to be part of this & Gaysi, email us at gaysifamily@gmail.com.the power of a good story. If you want to know more, or would like to be part of this & Gaysi, email us at gaysifamily@gmail.com.
Manju, age 45, from Bangalore:
Hanumanthi, age 33, from Gulbarga:

I dont wear a saree like them, I have a moustache instead, but inside I am the same. When I was 19, I had gone to live in Mumbai for 2 years and wore sarees and did sex work. My guru promised to have my nirvana done in 3 months. Then I got scared, changed my mind and returned to Bangalore. I have never regretted not having had the operation. However, sometimes when I see my juniors who were with my gurus and see how far they have come and when they flaunt it, I do wonder how successful I would have been. I now work for Samara as a Community Mobilizer, which means I go cruising, looking out for community members. I behave like a man, but when I identify a member, I start behaving like a woman so he can
Conversations with Trans-persons
Amrita Chanda
Vidya Pai
When we are young, we only know that we relate more to feminine behaviour than what is expected from us; we dont know anything about sex and are completely unaware of our sexuality. But the men, they know when they spot us, and they never spare us! I danced, did jobs in Bombay, anything to pay for my operation. I got operated at the age of 14, without any guidancebut I have absolutely no regrets. Initially, the doctor refused because I was very thin and young, but I fell at his feet and begged him. He finally gave in when I threatened suicide, thats how badly I wanted to change my body to match my inside! I joined the Hijra community in 1982. Now I run a brothel for hijras.
recognise me. Then I make conversation, tell him I am also like him and ask him to visit the Drop-In Center, where we dispense safe sex advice, information, give moral and legal support, etc.
Akkai, age 27, from Bangalore:

I identify as a kothi; I recognized by the age of 5 or 6 that my identity was a little different from other boys. I have been teased in school, made to sit alone, singled out and harassed; it made me lose interest in education. I met a hijra for the first time in Cubbon Park; her name was Supriya, and I was mesmerised by the sight of her combing her long hair. I then started skipping classes and earning money by doing sex work. My parents have beaten me, locked me up at home, and poured boiling water on my legs. I took it as a challenge to change them, make them
understand me, to continue to have a relationship with them. By now they have accepted it to some extent and I am happy about it. I work in Sangama now, and there are a lot of good changes coming our way from the political system too. Things are looking up.
One of my first jobs was as a door-todoor salesperson, and it was while I was out on a sales round, dressed like a normal boy with a touch of kajal, that I first got raped. My mind was heavy; I tried many times to walk and act like a man, but I was just not able to. Then one day on another sales visit, when I was about 16 years of age, I was invited into the home of somebody who looked like a woman, and she was the one who first told me about this other life. She told me I could live like her, as a woman wear a saree, make good money. She and her friends showed me their bodies, and I saw what could be done by operating. I have tried to commit suicide on two occasions. Not having work, getting into trouble at home, living as a man at home while I really just feel like a woman, being forced and threatened daily to get married, exploiting gurus within the hijra community it is all too much! I dont want to do sex work. Give me work, Im happy to sweep and swab. Even if we get a different job, we are constantly forced into having sex. I beg God to take me away and give me deliverance.
Kiran, age 25, from Warangal:

To begin with, I didnt know anything about sexuality. Lesbian, FTM were new words to me. I only knew I was attracted to women and wanted to love them. I knew I did not want to dress like a woman, behave how a woman is expected to behave. Now, I identify as an FTM. Society attacks us and tries to prevent us from choosing how we want to live. Buses, autos, public toilets are a big problem. In the ladies side, women themselves trouble us and tell us to get out of there. If we go to the boys room and they get to know, they sexually harass us. Employment, accommodation are huge issues. We want our rights now. We want our own place. We want a place with our partners.
Charu, age 29, from Erode, TN:
Viji, age 25, from Bangalore:
There is no problem in the upper class, it is only the middle class that has a problem. Wearing shirt and trousers, keeping ones hair short, are very common in the cities, in fact we cannot even tell if it necessarily means that such people are from our community. Getting operated is expensive and dangerous, so while some people opt for breast removal, not too many people get genitally changed. We dont go as far as SRS because we find day to day life itself hard, let alone the expenses and risks of surgery.
Bhavya (name changed on request), age 34, from Ongole, AP:

There are married people who leave that life, not being able to take it. Sometimes they even leave their children behind. Why do they do that? After everything? Most of the time, it is because they cannot tolerate having sex with their husbands. How long can they continue feeling raped all the time. You cannot file a complaint against your husband for rape.
Manju, age 30, from Bangalore:
independent during the day. Nobody at at home knows anything about me. I do have a partner now, she is not yet married. She knows I am married, but she understands. She too will soon have to get married, she is being asked at home.
I am married with a son. I really didnt have much of a choice, I had no partner, no friends who could support me, no financial independence when I got forced into marriage. There are lots of others like me, who live everyday pretending to be traditional. Living totally parallel lives. Marriage gives me some financial security, some acceptance from society, some freedom. I am not allowed to wear trousers at home, but they have given me a bike which I use to get around and be
rimary Source: Venkatesan Chakrapani, Ashok Row Kavi, L Ramki Ramakrishnan, Rajan Gupta, Claire Rappoport, Sai Subhasree Raghavan. HIV Prevention among Men who have Sex with Men (MSM) in India: Review of Current Scenario and Recommendations. April 2002. We recommend reading the article in its original form at: http://www.indianglbthealth.info/Authors/Downloads/MSM_ HIV_IndiaFin.pdf Male: An individuals biological status as male. A label used to signify a human sex, the biological designation based on genitalia. Can also be a socio-political term, used by an individual to label their gender identity. (Preference is that the term male be used to denote individuals who are born with male genitalia, irrespective of the gender identity.) Female: An individuals biological status as female. A label used to signify a human sex, the biological designation based on genitalia. Can also be a socio-political term, used by an individual to label their gender identity. (Preference is that the term female be used to denote individuals who are born with female genitalia, irrespective of the
Glossary of Terms used in the context of Gender/Sexuality Studies

gender identity.) Man: A term referring to someone who identifies as such, who may often exhibit masculine or male characteristics (see masculine and male). Popularly understood within a binary gender system to refer to someone who is male-bodied. (Preference is that the term man be used to denote the gender and male to denote individuals biological status.) Woman: A term referring to someone who identifies as such, who may often exhibit feminine or female characteristics (see feminine and female). Popularly understood within a binary gender system to refer to someone who is female-bodied. (Preference is that the term woman be used to denote the gender and male to denote individuals biological status.) Masculine: An often ambiguous term that refers to self-expression, performance, actions, behaviours, dress, grooming, adornment, and speech popularly associated with someone who is male-bodied within a binary gender system. People of all genders can self-identify as masculine or as having masculine characteristics. Feminine: An often ambiguous term that refers to self-expression, performance, actions, behaviours, dress, grooming, adornment and speech popularly associated with someone who is female-bodied within a binary gender system. People of all genders can self-identify as feminine or as having feminine characteristics. Men who have Sex with Men (MSM): This term is used to denote all those men who have sex with other men regardless of their sexual identity. This is because a man may have sex with other men but still consider himself to be a heterosexual or may not have any specific sexual identity at all. This means one has to concentrate on behaviour, in addition to the sexual categories, in the area of HIV/STD prevention. Males who have sex with Males (MSM): This is used as an umbrella term under which all biological males who have sex with other males are included, regardless of their sexual/gender identity. Thus literally it also includes
transgender/transsexual (male to female) persons since they are actually biological males. [Note: Some transgendered/transsexual persons (male to female) dont want themselves to be included under this term, even though this term mainly serves as a working definition. To denote such persons, recently, the term Transgender persons who have Sex with Men (TSM) has been introduced.] Men who have sex with Men and Women (MSMW): This denotes those men who have sex with men as well as women regardless of their sexual identity. This too, denotes just their behaviour. MSM community/population: This term is used to denote the population of men who have sex with men who may or may not have gay, bisexual or any other identity. Though they are fragmented and isolated in the general population because of their commonalties they form a community. These days, the terms MSM communities or MSM populations are used to stress that, like the people they comprise, these communities or populations are diverse. Sex: 1. A term used historically and within the medical field to identify
genetic/biological/hormonal/ physical characteristics, including genitalia, which are used to classify an individual as female, male, or intersexed person. 2. A persons biological or anatomical identity as male, female or intersexed person. 3. Activity engaged in by oneself, with another, or others to express attractions and/or arousal. Sexuality: Human sexuality encompasses the sexual knowledge, beliefs, attitudes, values, and behaviours of individuals. Its dimensions include the anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry of the sexual response system; identity, orientation, roles and personality; thoughts, feelings, and relationships. The expression of sexuality is influenced by ethical, spiritual, cultural, and moral concerns. Sexual Orientation: Ones erotic, romantic, and affectional attraction. It could be to people of the same sex, to the opposite sex, or to both sexes. Heterosexuality. Erotic, romantic, and affectional attraction to people of the opposite sex. Heterosexuals are often referred to as straight. Bisexuality. Erotic, romantic, and affectional attraction to people of both sexes.
Homosexuality. Erotic, romantic, and affectional attraction to people of the same sex. Male homosexuals are often referred to as gay, whereas female homosexuals are referred to as lesbians. [Neither the term heterosexuality nor the term homosexuality existed before 1890. The terms homosexual and homosexuality may have the connotation that same gender attractions are a mental disorder (medical term: homophilia), and are therefore distasteful to some people.] Identity: How one thinks of oneself, as opposed to what others observe or think about one. Sexual Identity: An inner sense of oneself as a sexual being, including how one identifies in terms of gender identity and sexual orientation. Some believe that sexual identities should never be assigned or ascribed, but only selfreported, with meanings determined by the person assuming that identity.
expectations or perceptions of how a man or woman should look/behave (i.e., how masculine or feminine an individual acts.) Society commonly has norms regarding how men and women should behave, although the argument is made that dominant normative behaviour is a dynamic, often evolving, process. Gender-variant: Displaying gender traits that are normatively more typical of the opposite biological sex, within a given. Feminine behaviour or appearance in men is gender-variant as is masculine behaviour or appearance in women. Gender-variant behaviour is culturally specific. Gender expression or Gender statement: The public expression/ statement of ones gender identity. Gender expression/statement is external or socially perceived. It refers to all of the external characteristics and behaviours that are socially defined as either masculine or feminine, such as dress, mannerisms, speech patterns and social interactions.
Gender n.: Ones personal, social, and/ or legal status as a male or female. Words that describe gender are feminine Gender identity n.: Persons internal, and masculine. deeply felt sense of being either man or woman, or something other or in Gender role: It is how one appears/ between. Gender identity does not behaves in relation to social/cultural always match biological sex; for
example, a person may be born biologically male yet identify as a woman. Because gender identity is internal and personally defined, it is not visible to others. In contrast, a persons gender expression is external and socially perceived.
as transgender woman or trans woman, and a female-to-male transgendered person is referred to as transgender man or trans man).to-male transgendered person is referred to as transgender man).
Transsexual: An individual whose gender identity is that of the Transgender(ed) person: A term used opposite gender (sex). There are to describe those who transgress social gender norms; often used as an umbrella male-to-female(MTF) and female-tomale(FTM) transsexuals. A transsexual term to mean those who defy rigid, may or may not have had sex binary gender constructions, and who reassignment surgery and thus could be express or present a breaking and/or pre-operative transsexual, postblurring of culturally prevalent/ operative transsexual and nonstereotypical gender roles. operative transsexual. (A male-toTransgendered persons usually live full female transsexual person is referred to or part time in the gender role as transsexual woman and a female-toopposite to the one in which they were male transsexual person is referred to as born. In contemporary usage, transsexual man). transgender has become an umbrella term that is used to describe a wide Intersex(ed) persons: Persons who have range of identities and experiences, the characteristics of both male and including but not limited to: female biological organs and/or pre-operative, post-operative and genitalia. (Formerly called as non-operative transsexual people; male hermaphrodites). and female cross-dressers (sometimes referred to as transvestites, drag Eunuchs: In India, this term is queens, or drag kings , and who may commonly used to denote Alis/Hijras be heterosexual or homo/bisexual); (who come under transgender/ intersexed individuals; and men and women, regardless of sexual orientation, transsexual category). Originally, this whose appearance or characteristics are term is supposed to have referred to males who have undergone to be gender atypical. (A male-to-female transgendered person is referred to emasculation not by choice, but by
accident, coercion or as a punishment. E.g., In ancient times, some males were emasculated to serve as guards in royal harems. This term is today considered derogatory by trans folk because its entire focus is on the physicality of castration. Transphobia (also genderphobia): The irrational fear or hatred of those who are perceived to break or blur stereotypical gender roles. Expressed as negative feelings, attitudes, actions, and institutional discrimination. Often directed at those perceived as expressing or presenting their gender in a transgressive way, defying stereotypical gender norms, or who are perceived to exhibit non-heterosexual characteristics - regardless of individuals actual gender identity or sexual orientation. LGBT or Sexual Minority Community: Refers to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered/transsexual persons as well as persons with other identities (such as Kothis and Alis/ Hijras) as a minority group in a predominantly heterosexual total population. These groups often jointly fight against discrimination and stigmatisation based on ones sexual orientation and/or gender identity and thus, identify as a common community.
These days, the terms Sexual minority communities or Sexual minority populations are used to stress that, like the people they comprise, these communities or populations are diverse, yet share a commonality irrespective of identities. Important point: Though it may seem logical to equate Men who have Sex with Men (MSM) with gay men and Men who have Sex with Men and Women (MSMW) with bisexual men, strictly speaking it is not so. Terminologies Specific to the Indian Context: Hijra: Hijras are born as biological/ anatomical males who reject their masculine identity in due course of time to identify either as women, or not-men, or in-between man and woman, or neither man nor woman. Hijras were regarded previously as cross-dressed homosexuals by some authors but Hijras are equivalent to transgendered/transsexual persons. The term Hijra is used in North India, while Aravani and Thirunangai are used in Tamil Nadu. Kothi: Males who show obvious feminine mannerisms and who involve
mainly, if not only, in receptive anal/ receptive oral intercourse with men. Most Kothi-identified males show varying degree of feminine mannerisms/behaviour and also cross-dress occasionally. These persons are akin to queens/drag queens in western countries. Nirvan Kothi/Hijra: Those who have undergone Nirvana (or Salvation - as castration/emasculation is known) i.e., voluntary/willing removal of both testes and penis, and who are in womans attire. These persons are usually known as Nirvan Kothi(s) or simply as Nirvan(s) within the Hijra/ Ali community. Aquwa Kothi/Hijra: Those who wear womens or mens attire, but who have not yet undergone castration/ emasculation and who may or may not want to undergo castration in the future. Many live as women under a Guru, while training in singing, dancing and other rites of the community, as they wait to attain Nirvana. Some(called Zenana) do not want to undergo castration because they do not want to meddle with nature. Bairupi or Bairupiya (Fake Hijras): In North India, some males mimic Hijras by wearing female clothing and go for
begging by clapping (so as to make easy money). Hijras claim that these fake Hijras (Bairupi), by their indecent behaviour in public spaces and trains, spoil the name of Hijras. Double-Decker: This refers to persons who get penetrated as well as penetrate, and those who may also have sex with women. Their femininity may be very subtle or may be obvious. Kothis classify these persons as a separate category, since they play an active or passive role in sex, acting as a giving or receiving partner. Panthi: The term Panthi is used by Kothis/Hijras to refer to those persons who are real men - in the sense that they are masculine and only penetrate, never get penetrated. They are attracted only to women or feminine men/kothis, never to other masculine men. Kothis typically look down on panthis who seek to be penetrated. This term is also used to denote the steady person (or special boy friend) of a Hijra/Kothi or the husband of the Hijra. Some times the husband or the steady partner is referred to simply as (your) mard [means man, in Hindi].
BI THE WAY
Bi The Way Bisexuality has been variously defined as the ability to reach down someones pants and be satisfied by whatever you find, a way
My Progressive Penis
to double your chances of landing a date on Saturday night, or just pure greediness! Jokes apart, bisexuality can be a difficult topic in a world where everything is seen in dualities: male/female, good/bad, right/wrong.... gay/straight. Here is a space for you to share your stories, jokes, poems, thoughts on how there is life outside the extremities of the sexuality spectrum.
candles wick, I persuade it to give up its political stand; it looks up at me and says Will you stop being such a dick? But I cannot join the democratic dicks, it says, that would be premature and might get fussy, Besides why should I give up the conservative cunts, or the more elusive progressive pussy? I say Choose a side: right or left, and give up this non-conformist hypocrisy. It says I will stand wherever and when ever I want; life is after all a democracy! I tried the communist approach, strangled it and said Conform or I will choke you till you die! It used the Satyagraha, and said, Try and wank the next time and see if I dont make you cry! I am always on a lookout, lest it win the
have a progressive penis; we differ a lot in our political views. I tell it, You belong in the party of a pussy; it says Blah! Thats old news. I say we have to think of our political image and social career, it grunts And says, I like some democratic dicks better than most conservative cunts. I reply, No! I do not like Democrats or any political dicks, do not be so crass. Ok! it says, I may not mind that as long as I have an occasional socialist tight ass. I know you are not totally anti-pussy, I retort, Can you, your political position clearly define? Some cunts are so passive; they do not opine, they just take in the argument and lie back supine. Few dicks are so expressive; they rock the debate back and forth and spit out their views, quiet like mine. I am mostly conservative, it says, but a progressive prick once in a while for a debate, is more than fine! And seldom, in an informal assembly, it sees one such peer and stands up like a
My Progressive Penis
Pavan
majority by some neurochemical trick Life is a hard election to win, when contending against a progressive prick!
RELATIONSHIPS
Challenging Lifes Challenges
In this hetero normative world, there is so little said of alternate sexuality and other ways of living than the one man-one woman formula. This space wants to lend visibility to other kinds of relationships, to tell of different ways of living and alternate choices that can lead to peace and happiness. Do you and your partner/s have a relationship story that you would like to share? We welcome you to speak to us and therefore share your experiences with our readers to give them yet another insight into what can be. We would love to profile you with as little or as much discretion as you may want. Email us if you would like to be covered in a future issue of Sanghamitra.
ach time I refer to Kiran by name, he adds in his tagline Thats Kiran King of Kings with a boyish grin and a wink. Yes, he sure is a charmer, this Kiran. It is hard to imagine from a first meeting that his life could have been mired, as it has been, with challenges from the very word Go. That association between him and hardship is difficult to digest, probably thanks to his exuberant vibe and contagious smile. His partner Kavitha (name changed) sits next to him, fondly holding his hand. She lets him do the talking. She is happy to just be by his side. In them, we see the picture of a couple living independently on their own terms rather than being terrorized by society into a suffocating mould. I have always been permitted to wear pant-shirt and keep my hair short, says Kiran, primarily because of my handicap. My parents feel that being a woman is an added disadvantage to a physically disabled person, so when I wanted to dress like a man, they did not discourage me. Kirans legs have been severely impaired by childhood
relatives and friends, including Kavithas parents. Everybody took it as a joke and laughed along. Both, Kavitha and Kiran, are from Warangal, Andhra Pradesh. Kavithas sister and Kiran went to school together, and that is how Kiran met the love of his life. They have been in a relationship now for 9 years. Their parents knew each other well and had good relations early on, even visiting each others homes. All that changed 3 years ago. The year was 2008 and I really wanted to come out. I was willing to fight it out because I knew that I only wanted to live with Kavitha, else I did not care about living at all - there was no point. We decided to get married, and then it wouldnt matter if we lived or died; we would be together. They got married. Kavitha wrote her parents a 30 page letter explaining her love, that she was going away to marry Kiran, and that the only way she wanted to live was with him. When they finally returned home, there was hell to pay.
Challenging Lifes Challenges

Vidya Pai
polio and till today he does not have full use of them. aged me to become this way.
They just allowed me the freedom and I knew early on that I wanted to love wanted me to be independent. My women. I started insisting that my thoughts, my attraction towards womschool and college friends call me en, are all my own and have always Kiran, rather than Usha as I had been been. I used to talk about my future as named. Though my parents didnt stop being with a woman even back then, me, that does not mean they encour not only to my parents but even to

When we ran away, we did not know where to go, reminisces Kiran. So we went and stayed with a friend of mine. He was very understanding, giving us the full respect of a married couple, congratulating us and making us comfortable. Soon after, we found out that despite the long letter explaining her choice, Kavithas parents had filed a case with the police against me, saying that I had kidnapped their daughter against her wishes. you believe it, the SP asked us to go someplace safe and stay there for a few days, since they were very busy making arrangements for Sonia Gandhis visit to the city! laughs Kiran, remembering. Life had become very hard for Kiran and Kavitha. Because of Kirans obvious handicap and thanks to the stories carried in the media, they were recognized everywhere they went as the handicapped lesbian and her partner who had eloped. because of the constant calls from the media, etc. I decided to speak to my mother one last time before we did the act, and so just as we switched on our phones one last time, we got a call from Sangama. They told us they would help us, asked details, gave us options. We didnt even understand what they were talking about, what their organization was about We heard them say Bangalore, Hyderabad, sexuality, lesbians, FTM, etc. but could not wrap our heads around it all, though they explained everything clearly in Telegu. Then suddenly realization hit Kavitha and she said, Why should we die? What sin have we committed? And that is when we decided to follow up on Sangamas call. People from Sangama came over from Hyderabad and met us, took us to the police station. We were put in touch with LesBit, and the kidnap case charges were removed. They even helped start the process of surgery on my impaired legs, welcomed us to the centre for one and a half years, understood us and helped us in so many other ways. I only found out later that there are others like me. Until then, I only knew of myself, thought I was the only one. I had already been working for the rights of disabled/physically challenged women, and after meeting the people at LesBit, I wanted to help out in the FTM cause
RELATIONSHIPS
Challenging Lifes Challenges also. We want our rights now. We want our own place. We want to be able to live with our partners and work to support ourselves. Kiran identifies as a Femaleto-Male (FTM) transgender. Together, they support themselves financially, and are finally living the life they always wanted, by each others sides. They find a lot of moral support from the community. Kiran works at Suraksha, an NGO for physically challenged women, and Kavitha has a job with a bakery. Together, they support themselves financially, and are finally living the life they always wanted, by each others sides. Kavitha had an accident recently while crossing the road and was admitted in a hospital. I had almost become like a patient myself with panic and fear. In such a time, our parents and relatives are not around to give us support. It is only the community which helps us, Kiran says gratefully. The couple has finally found the acceptance that they sought. Kirans parents have no objections; he even visits them every once in a while in their hometown in Andhra Pradesh. Kavithas parents have come around now. She talks to her folks on the phone and though they are not thrilled about her lifestyle, they have finally let go of their anger and resistance.
If we tried to travel anywhere, people would come in our way, Kirans friend advised them to go to asking me where I was taking Kavithe Superintendent of Police and ex- tha, who she was to me, where we plain their side of the story. The two thought we were going, who would of them went unaccompanied; had marry her now after such a media anybody joined them, they would spectacle, etc, says Kiran. They were have been attacked too. shunned and mocked, and they did not have anywhere to go. Friends The media had gotten a whiff of were unwilling to help, fearing the the story and 35 news channels were risk of being attacked. They had no waiting for us at the station when we idea about the existence of any comarrived there. I told them openly and munity around their sexuality. It directly that Kavitha wants to be with seemed like there was nothing for me, and I with her. At this point, we them to do but take their own lives. didnt know anything about hoKavitha hatched a plan for them to mosexuality, about support groups, commit suicide by swallowing diaabout there being other people like monds from her ring. us in the world. Some of the media asked us really bad questions, but We were actually ready to die. It had some of them were very supportive been 4 days since we spoke with anyand told us not to worry, that they one on the phone. We had kept our would make sure we are okay. Would phones switched off the whole time
MANISHS KITCHEN
Basic Brownie
Manishs Kitchen We all love food, dont we? And many of us love to experiment with cookingmost of the rest of us would like to give it a
try, but are often apprehensive. Dont worry, heres help from Manish. He will give us an easy recipe in every issue for you to try out. No excuses anymore!
rownies are dessert cakes / cookie slices (rather a cross between the two), flat and around an inch thick. A dish with American roots, folklore has its origin attributed to a careless cook who accidentally put baking soda in place of baking powder while preparing chocolate cake batter. Brownies are usually had with milk or coffee as an accompaniment. They also go well when served warm with ice-cream and act as a dessert base to make fudge brownies. Ingredients
Plain Chocolate Butter/Margarine Egg Sugar Vanilla essence Flour Chocolate chips Salt Method
115 gms 115 gms 3 nos. 200 gms 1/2 tsp 140 gms 70 gms a pinch
3. Stir the egg mixture into the chocolate mixture. 4. Sift the flour and fold in. 5. Add the chocolate chips. 6. Pour the mixture into the square mould and spread the batter evenly. 7. Preheat the oven to a temperature of 170C. Bake the brownie for about 30 minutes, until just set 8. Do not over-bake the brownies as it should be slightly moist inside and have a cracked look on the top surface 9. Allow the brownie to cool in the pan for 1-2 hours and cut them in 2-inch squares. Pack each piece in cellophane sheets and store in an airtight container. Serving suggestion Warm the brownies in a microwave and serve it with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream topped with chocolate sauce and roasted nuts.
1. Melt the chocolate and butter/margarine in a saucepan over fire or in a microwave. 2. Whip together the eggs, sugar, vanilla and salt.
Basic Brownie
Manish Gaur
Book Release
The Truth About Me: A Hijra Life Story (A. Revathi)
passion, and the conviction in her voice. She spoke about the discrimination and harassment she has faced, and how her deep ties within the hijra community have been her backbone of support, through thick and thin. Peoples misconceptions and ignorance have led to much injustice, leaving people like her with no education, no employment and no safe place to live. She asks for the public to take part in the movement for rights of sexual minorities, and for the governments help in dispensing crucial information. I will be happy to see my book in public libraries, government schools. People should read about our lives, and how hijras are people too, with desires and aspirations and hopes and sorrows. I dream of a world where gender/sexual minorities have access to education, so they do not have to land up on the streets, shunned by everybody; they can instead be doctors or lawyers or teachers or IAS officers, just like you. She remarked on the hijra community being chock-full of different talent, if only they had avenues to find expression. We do not ask for your sympathy or charity. We just ask for our rights, to be
treated as equals in society and to be allowed to live a life of dignity and peace. Theatre personality Munira Sen read out excerpts from the book, transporting the audience into that secret world of hijras, giving life to the already vivid imagery in the book with her lilting voice. Writer-activist D. Saraswati released the book after delivering a fiery speech, introducing Revathi and talking about the movement of transgender rights in India. Of course I stayed on till the end once
Vidya Pai
noticed Revathi for the first time after the pub attacks in Mangalore, at a Womens Rights rally called Nirbhaya Karnataka or Fearless Karnataka. She spoke then about the plight of sexual minorities and sex workers, particularly at the hands of the so called law enforcement officers. Her passion was obvious, her words were clear and articulate, and her message, resounding in Banappa Park that night, left quite an impression in my mind. I waited till the end of the event to go and introduce myself to her and tell her how inspiring her words were. Imagine my pleasure then, to hear that she had written a book, and that the launch was going to be held right near my office, at Reliance Time Out. I shuffled in, late, to a packed hall just as Revathi was starting to speak. And just as on that night a year before, I was once again floored by the honesty, the passion, and the conviction in her voice.
again, and got my copy of the book signed by Revathi as I gushed about what a big fan I am. After having read the book over every free minute I got over the next three days (it was very difficult to put it down), I can say that for me, The Truth About Me was one of the best reads of this year. Her language is simple, real, effortless. Her story is moving, honest, sometimes endearing, sometimes brutal, always thought provoking. I still have to find someone though, to decipher the cryptic Tamil message she has written on the front page of my copy of the book. Im saving those words to savour at my leisure, sometime in the future. Editors Note: The Truth About Me: A Hijra Life Story was released on Aug 6th, 2010. The Kannada translation of this book, titled Baduku Bayalu: Hijra Obbala Aatma Kathe was released on June 4th, 2011.
developments, however, are a reminder to all of us that the law sometimes has its own bureaucratic logic. Law reform is a constant and continuous process that requires us to be vigilant regardless of the government or sympathetic individuals in power. (Siddharth Narrain is a lawyer and legal researcher and with the Alternative Law Forum, Bangalore)
POETRY
W
way?
Would You?
ould you ever like me... in that
Would You?
Neha
I know Im not the best out there Yet you talk To me You say youve never met anyone like me You say you like my crazy streak I say I love being crazy Then I wonder how to go about Impressing you Teenage antics I laugh Have I ever told you that I love the sound of your voice... I dare not Youre so beautiful and Im... not But thats not all there is. Its more than skin and bones. Its something deeper, yet peripheral I want not to mention, The ways of the world I am not who I am You are yourself Or so it seems, I hope You are not
Then we could be If only you would like me... Want me I want you so I know not if this is for real Or if it is just that usual game played By my heart With other hearts And with myself But I know I am sad Right now... I am sad Thats what matters Right now... you matter Right now to me, you do Would you ever like me... in that way? How could you ever like me... in that way? You wouldnt ever like me... that way. Would you?
Neha Bhat
PERSONAL STORIES
The Poke He said he was in trouble. I suggested that we could talk. But, there wasnt any reply. I enquired again, he responded asking me if I was serious about the call. I answered the call, we spoke for a few minutes and those minutes were very different. I was staring at the UB City skyline at 1 AM, sitting next to the window, shivering to death. But nothing happened to me. I felt much protected. He says it was as though he was face to face with God. A tear trickled down. I poked and said to myself, I am blessed!
poked. He requested, I added. We exchanged greetings. He was a dark, handsome man; miles away, many seas to cross to reach. I am a stranger, so is he, but that doesnt stop us. This man is not eligible; yes, hes a happily married man. But why? How can this happen? Answers are uncertain. My heart is going to be broken is what I think.. What I feel, though, is that its not going to happen. This relationship has an unparalleled quality thats second to none. It doesnt matter how long it lasts. No matter how long it lasts, its the quality that matters. Everyday, I hit the reload button to see a red blip. I read the message; While reading, it gives me a rumble in my stomach. Strange, isnt it? Now I hit reload again, hoping to make a comeback, but expecting nothing in return. Yes, I dont want to expect. I do, but consciously I avoid expectations as it gets things complicated.
The Poke
Neha Bhat
pS
SHRINKING CORNER
Closet Junkies
The Shrinking Corner Currently based in Australia, Aswin is a psychiatrist and a gay man, but not necessarily a gay psychiatrist, he stresses.
We have invited him use this space to touch on mental health issues of the LGBT communityto shrink away, as he puts it. This series will be looking at issues like major and minor mental health issues and their impact on the community, sexual safety, gay gripes, relationships, and so on. He begins with a discussion on the often-uncomfortable relationship between sexual minority groups and psychiatry or medicine.
oming out is a process that is hard to define, hard to endure, and easy to laugh at only in retrospect. For gay people in most societies, it is a process of defining and identifying themselves that is far more challenging than any other aspect of their self-hood. For many of you reading this article, I assume that some part of this process has been contemplated, initiated or completed. And you know how incredibly hard the whole process is, particularly in the Indian society. Not surprisingly, the coming-out period is commonly associated with mental health issues. In this light, the topic demands being looked at in some detail. Come to think of it, staying in the closet is a bit like being dependent on drugs - Closet Dependence Syndrome, if you will. With years of living in the closet, you might be in a state of submission to familial and peer pressure (My mom is telling me that I have to get married), denial of the problem (You know, Im not really gay.), passive acquiescence of pleasurable effects of the closet (a sexually active life with the same sex, with the future prospect of marriage and associated notions of stability) and an
Closet Junkies
more detail. Pre-contemplation is the state where you are so enmeshed in a straight life, or you are so uncomfortable with being gay, that coming out becomes unthinkable. Just thinking about a gay life, its problems or advantages could be all that can be tolerated at this stage, and this is well worth keeping in mind. Contemplation is frequently associated with existential worries about your self, often in the context of your family and society. Questioning the truths of your life, reading/finding out more about gay life and realistically estimating the problems are often normative or helpful during this stage. Mental health professionals can have a significant impact at this stage. With carefully chosen, gayfriendly psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors or counselors, this process can become that one bit easier. Preparation is when you rehearse your coming-out lines, think about reactions of friends and family and about practical issues like supporting yourself. Seeking outside help including that of support groups, or enlisting the emotional support of certain family members or
Aswin Ratheesh, MD
dicted, then coming out of the closet must be similar to the process of quitting or coming out of an addiction. With addiction, this usually happens in five stages viz. Pre-contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action and Maintenance. Pre-contemplation is the stage where you remain blissfully unaware of the problem or are in denial. The rest of the stages then follow in sequence and represent different ideas viz. considering change, preparing for the effort, the process of telling others and finally, consolidating your life as a gay/lesbian person. I personally think it is a highly useful model to understand your own position or that of your friend/partner and to then look at what problems could be causing stagnation in that stage. There are factors that operate across these stages like the worry of losing support of your extended family or about general social acceptance. But there are some factors that could be stage-specific. Let us look at these in
inability to change (Ive tried, but its too hard). All these are the hallmarks of an addiction, arent they? Though this analogy is appealing in a way, it is only meant to provoke a rethink, and I will admit that it is not altogether true. Growing up gay in a protective, loving Indian family (under the watchful eyes of doting elders and with associated trappings of caste, religion and region) makes you assume a fusional state of identity that makes the process of separation and individuation a very traumatic one. Almost like a child-birth gone bad! So, the process of coming out becomes a conflict-state of trust, selfconcept and responsibility, and not just a state of persistent closet dependence. However, I wonder if there isnt a component of the latter. At the very least, it can provide a different angle from which to view the coming-out process. If staying in the closet is like being ad-

friends could be useful at this stage. Action is an extended stage of telling the different social circles in your life about your sexuality. This can range from mustering the courage and stumbling over the words I am gay to making a casual reference to going to a gay club, talking about your boyfriend, speaking out in the face of a gay-joke or even self-effacingly laughing at your own sexuality. This stage preps you up on how to deal with negative reactions, how to keep your social circles separate and well, how to not cry into your pillow at night. In the face of negative reactions, depressive and even suicidal thoughts are likely. This is often the time when mental health advice is sought. Despite real gay-friendly mental health aid being limited to large cities and not being easily accessible, it is still worth your while to seek out help and support at this stage. If depression seems to have set in, it is best that you seek help in any form available. Maintenance (the final stage and in my opinion, no less hard than any of the others) is about dealing with the issues of leading a gay life, problems of partner-hood, achieving comfort with ambiguity and remaining true to your perceived sexual identity. Long term counseling - either informally through group sessions (like what happens over coffee at Koshys) or formally with a counselor or a psychotherapist - might be useful if there are persistent problems during this time. One aspect of separating out an otherwise continuous life process is that these stages become arbitrary at times. Often you might know people in one or more of these stages at the same time and facing conflicts that are not limited to any one. In addition, just as your sexuality does not define your whole self, these stage-specific coming-out conflicts are in no way a complete representation of all your concerns. Concerns about your career, racial identity, social success and life circumstances are all just as important. You must also realize that these stages are not well linked to being in a relationship or the success of the same. I know people in any of these stages going through the motions of a relationship, and with varying degrees of success. But I do think that successful and wellresolved coming out is the best way to ensure that you and your partner have the best chance of making a gay relationship work. In the next issue, I hope to discuss some of the developmental transitions of gay life beyond coming out. Till then, Mind your Self.
SHRINKING CORNER
Closet Junkies

12:00 AM Godhra, Gujarat, India Naren lay there, still horrified. Red was his favorite color; he had never thought he would come to hate it so much. Blood splashed all over the floor, slowly moving towards his new shoes, which a special friend had gifted. He could see his toe twitching, probably the last body part to find out what had happened. His right hand still clutched the weapon, his favourite cooking knife, drenched in his own blood. In his left hand was the letter, Papa, Ma, I wont be here when you start reading this, but before going, I just wanted to say good bye, and also that I love you, a lot! I am really sorry for all the pain I have inflicted on you. It was never my intention. Every drop of my blood which you may see on the floor of my room is grateful to you, for everything you have done for me. But finally I couldnt do much for you, other than bringing shame to the family. I have never lied to you; this time I had no choice, because I knew you would never understand. And even if you wanted to, people would never let you. Now I tell the truth: Yes I am, I am what everyone is saying these days. But not because
FICTION
Yes I Am
Yes I am!
Yas
I wanted to; I was always this way. I cant put into words how much I tried to change myself. I just couldnt. I am your only child; I am also human. I guess that really doesnt matter. Again, I am sorry, and I Love you. I am no more that, because I am no more alive. Yes I am. Well, I was 12:00 AM Kurla, Mumbai, India Manish stood there, petrified. He was trembling. He didnt know how to move forward, but he certainly wasnt going to move backward. He remembered what his sister had told him, It doesnt really make any difference in the way I look at you; you are still the same to me and will always be. You are different only if you think so. Dont let people decide what you do with your life. You decide. He brushed the curtain aside swiftly and walked into the dining room. His dad gave him a cursory glance and got back to his document. Manish sat next to his dad. Dad, I wanted to talk to you. I dont know how to start. Please dont be angry. His dad stared at him, dont be angry. His dad stared at him, What did you do? I didnt do anything Dad, I swear, this is how it was, always. He was now crying, his Mom came in running. Manish clenched his fist, clenched it tight and blurted, Dad, I am A long discussion ensued, everyone cried. Manish went on, holding his moms hand tight, Sorry for bringing shame to the family His dad held his hand and said, Dont ever say that. We are proud of you and will always be. Manish was sobbing, I cant put into words how much I tried to change myself, I just couldnt. His mom kissed him on his head and said, Honey you dont need to change, we love you the way you are. His dad was crying now, Yes you are, but you are our son first and we love you, and always will.
still couldnt believe that his parents had accepted him. He was no longer scared, no longer ashamed. He believed in himself, he believed that he had done no wrong. He hoped that his parents would still love him. He hoped that he could still live with his head held high. Meanwhile, Naren gave up, even before trying. Maybe he didnt want to try. Well, maybe it finally comes down to a simple choice. Get busy livin or get busy dyin. Andy Dufresne
COMIC STRIP
The Gay Noob
PERSONAL STORIES
What would you like to order, Sir?
am often told that I look like a 13 year-old boy. Being called Sir, Bhaiya or Beta by unsuspecting strangers fifteen times on any given day is routine. I mostly dont care either way because, inherently, I feel genderless. Still, androgyny can confuse people - and I think I just baffled someone with my genderforkery. Again. After two months of a waiter knowing me by sight as Sir, today it is he who picks up my phone call to place a delivery order. Judging by my voice, he calls me Maam. I proceed to place the order. While giving him the same specific instructions that I always give when I dine there, I say, I think you remember me. He is confused for only a moment until recognition hits. He pauses for a moment, then asks for my name and address. I give him those. Now he knows. For a brief moment I wonder how he will address me the next time I go there. Then, I smile and get back to my homework.
Neha Bhat
What would you like to order, Sir?

Neha
Suicides in the Hijra Community
National Crime Records Bureau, Ministry of Home Affairs). In such a context, hijra suicides in the last 2 years are a shocking representation of both a larger problem and a specific epidemic within the community. Sangama and Samara, two organisations working directly with the various concerns and rights of hijra and kothi communities, among others, were brutally awakened to the problem when a spate of four suicides rocked the communities in a span of one week during November-December 2010. The organisations and well-wishers came together to focus their efforts in understanding this sudden epidemic and the need to address root causes. Many from within the community felt that the impetus for self-harm came from traditional causes: crises from relationships, finances, harassment from within or from outside the community, lack of acceptance from families and so on. Added to these were complications related to health and possible influences of hormone therapywhich was mostly self-administered. Mental health practitioners also know that those whove already seen close friends or family commit suicide are more vulnerable to suicide ideation. During a strategy meeting to address the
Vinay Chandran
issue in December, an informal survey broadcast by the organisations stated that 43 deaths had occurred in the hijra community in Bangalore and in neighbouring areas in the previous 1.5 years, and at least 18 (approximately 41% of deaths) of those deaths were suicides. This revelation made the issue that much more urgent. Several strategies were suggested and carried out. A community get together in two of the areas where the recent suicides had taken place was organised and a counsellor held an interaction on mental health concerns and possible areas of intervention. Counselling training on suicide prevention and crisis resolution was held for community counsellors working directly with the hijra community. A larger mental health study focussing on what stressors exist for the transgender community is being organised through supporters, in the hope that solutions can come from within, including looking at occupational alternatives, relationship counselling, medical advice on sex-change operations and hormone therapy and most importantly addressing stigma and discrimination. But ultimately, the effort is to spread the word that suicide cannot and should not be an option.
amila died in the year 2004. One of the most visible, articulate and progressive hijras from Bangalore, she committed suicide. Among her friends, there were many of us who were tortured by our knowledge that despite being close to her we did not know how tormented she must have felt not to reach out and ask for help. In the years since, many more friends in the hijra community have died by their own hands. This is a great threat to the community alongside the ever-present fear of HIV; fear of being victims of either police and rowdies or violent clients and partners; complications related to sex-change surgeries or any other causes. Most people know that Bangalorewith a rate of 38.1 suicide deaths per 100,000 peopleis still called the suicide capital of India (see online report on Accidental Deaths and Suicides in India, 2009,
Warning signs for suicide prevention:

If you feel desperate, lonely or hurt and are considering suicide, stop and think. With the right kind of help you can overcome these feelings and make life worth living. Look for these warning signs. Always remember that there are people who love you. If you feel any of the following or know someone who is showing one or several of these signs, go to a psychiatrist or get them admitted immediately. Ideation: Suicide ideation in some form or another. I feel like killing myself or Life is not worth living anymore. Substance Abuse: Increased drinking or drug use that is unusual behaviour. Purposelessness: Feeling like nothings worth doing anymore, or that life has no meaning. What is the point?
get out of this. Hopelessness: Sudden hopelessness about life, pessimistic about everything. Withdrawal: Withdrawing from activities that were interesting earlier. Anger: Sudden increase in anger and bad temper. Recklessness: Engaging in high-risk activities (reckless driving, unprotected sex, drugs etc.) that show a complete lack of caring for consequences on self or others. Mood changes: Sudden and drastic mood changes. Please remember that this list is by no means an exhaustive one and should not be used as a diagnostic tool.
Contact any of Bangalores counselling helplines or counsellors. Call SAHAI (Helpline for Suicide Prevention) on 080-25497777 or call SAHAYA (Helpline for issues related to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and similar populations) on 080-22230959 This list was adapted from Research and advice on preventing teen and adult suicide by Elana Premack Sandler, L.C.S.W., M.P.H.
Consider the state of your mental health or that of your friends and family as a Anxiety: Increased anxiety about life that serious concern that requires as much attention as a high Blood Pressure or is unusual behaviour. a high Blood Sugar medical test result. Speak to a counselor when you feel low Trapped: Feeling trapped and unable to escape from a situation or crisis. Theres and need help. There is no shame in no way out of this or I dont think I can asking for help when you need it.
SAFETY
Crabs/Pubic Lice
Safety Queer life is fraught with significant risks to personal health, safety and welfare, both in interacting with persons of the queer community
and the broader society. The second article of the Safety First series, we discuss pubic lice that despite being a very common problem, is usually ignored. Do check it out and be safe.
tch itch. Scratch scratch. Down there. Is it itchy really because of humidity, as youd like to believe? Or is it crabs? Yes, Im talking about pubic lice. Most gay men Ive spoken to in India (and Id guess women too) are incredulous about the possibility of having crabsif, that is, they are aware of crabs in the first place. But is it all that improbable? Pubic lice or crabs are one of the three kinds of lice that parasitize humans (the other two being head lice and body lice). As the name suggests, their preferred area of infestation is the pubes and the hair around the anus. In case of a heavy infestation, they can alsobe found in other areas with coarse hair, like underarms and torso, and in rare cases, in eyebrows and eyelashes as well. While pubic lice spreads primarily through intimate body contact (especially, sexual contact), sharing of towels, clothes, beds or closets could also be the culprit. Scary, huh? Sample this, then these lice will make
itchy lesion, which could turn bluish grey (difficult to detect on darker skin tones). Constant itching and scratching can cause the area to become raw and lead to secondary infections. Scratching also can help the pubic lice to spread. While feeding on blood, pubic lice remain stationary for a long time, resulting in accumulation of their faeces and matting of pubic hairsomething that you could use as an indication of having pubic lice. Presence of nits (the 1 mm-sized eggs that the lice lay) glued to the hair strands is another indication of pubic lice. These nits take 6-8 days to hatch, and another 13-17 days to mature into adults that can lay their own eggs. Considering that many, if not most, gay men have multiple sexual partners (sometimes almost anonymous ones off the internet), that awareness about pubic lice is shockingly minimal in India, and that pubic itching is taken for granted because of the warm and humid climate (which, incidentally, are also ideal conditions for our culprits to thrive in), is it all that surprising that a lot of gay men here have pubic lice?
Crabs/ Pubic Lice

Aditya Sengupta
you scratch so much that the lesions (scratch-wounds) predispose you to contracting other STDs. Pubic lice are tiny (1-2 mm in size) blood-sucking insects that look like head lice, but have a more rounded, crab-like appearance. Human blood is their only food. They tend to feed at night and their bite leaves an intensely

How do you deal with it? Awareness is first and foremost; that always helps. Personal hygiene is a must. Keep yourself clean, wash your clothes frequently, and wash your bed sheets and towels regularly. Shaving, or at least trimming pubic hair is highly recommended. This will discourage the crabs from making your nether regions a comfortable home. Believe me - Prevention is better than cure, no matter what! Shaving off pubic and body hair is an option that will remove pubic lice completely. In fact, Ill say this again: if youre not hairy and keep your pubes trimmed, you dont have much to worry about. Id be a hypocrite to preach against promiscuity, but the implications are obvious. In the case that you do contract crabs, there are insecticidal shampoos, lotions and creams that can do the job. Permethrin Cream Rinse (Perlice) is easily available in pharmacies. Apply and wash off after 10 minutes. Repeat the procedure after 10-12 days to kill off any lice newly hatched from the nits. (Lindane Shampoo is another option to kill lice, but is best used in consultation with a doctor, owing to reported side effects) The good news is that pubic lice need human blood to thrive, and hence cannot survive away from the body for more than 24 hours. So clothing, towels, bed sheets, etc. used before treatment can be kept away in sealed bags for 15 days or so, to ensure that the nits, if any, also hatch and die. Wash these in hot water before re-use. As lesions from the scratching may have predisposed you to other STDs, you might want to get yourself tested. And yeah, do your buddies a huge favour and avoid sexual contact until youve got rid of all the lice! Be aware. Be careful. Be safe.
SAFETY
Crabs/Pubic Lice
A.S. is grateful to a doc- friend for suggestions/comments on the medical aspects in this piece. The friend unfortunately wishes to remain anonymous.
EXCUSE ME!
A Fence Sitters View
Excuse me! Are you sometimes tired of everyone following the same prevalent views? When you attempt to bring forth a differing view, your
ideas are ridiculed and summarily shot down? This is your space to air such views. If you disagree with established ideas or norms, tell us convincingly, why, on this page. Of course our readers are equally welcome to disagree with views published heredo write to us and defend the view you hold, whichever side it supports. Opinions expressed in this column need not reflect the views of the editors.
am an advertising professional, a son, a brother, a music lover, a traveller and a bisexual that last identity, however, seems to be the hardest for others to understand! Feb 2009 Joanna dumped me. She said that she couldnt live in constant fear that one day I would realise that I was really gay and that, by then, shed have invested too much into the relationship to lose. She said that although she loved me, shed always doubt my love for her. The fear stems from how our society is polarised between homosexuals and heterosexuals. Since the beginning of time, bisexuals like me have lived, loved, and lost in the constant battle for an identity. We have been told on numerous occasions that we dont exist, or that we are probably just straight or gay-andlying, as nothing exists except these two extremes. While some think that we are hedging our bets, poised to come out as gay when the time is right, other reckless ones think that we are only indulging in our gay sides because of our overtly sexual natures. The more sophisticated ones claim that bisexuality is a fluid continuum between heterosexual
A Fence Sitters View

and homosexual identities. Needless to say, none of these is true. Nov 2009 Andrew wanted an open relationship. He said that he couldnt ever be serious with me since I was Indian, and worse, bisexual. He was scared that Id leave him the moment my parents asked me to settle down with a nice desi girl. He thought it would be that easy for me! It isnt just the straight world that avoids us doors on the queer side are shut for us too. It seems that even those who live on the fringes of mainstream society are scared to invest in a relationship with us. Weve been called swingers, fence sitters and as people denying queerness to gain straight privileges. Gay people arent too afraid to dish out the discrimination they themselves are subject to! Apr 2010 I look back at those nights in 2009 when I would go to bed, physi-
importantly, is coming out as bisexual even worth the hassle? Today - Over the last few months, I have realised the main reason for my coming out of the closet was to start living my life with pride and dignity. I had decided that were I to come out to either of the communities, it would be as a bisexual. I was not going to let one fear be replaced by another. I no longer fear discussing my sexuality and take time to explain to people what it really means to be a fence sitter someone to whom the grass is just as green, no matter which way he looks!
Sandeep Mahajan
cally and emotionally drained, trying to explain to the world what it felt like to be a bisexual man when I myself had little information. Having come out to myself around the same time as when Joanna dumped me, I had found it hard to accept myself and my sexuality whole -heartedly. My further experiences with Andrew only made me regret my decision to come out even to the queer community! Although B is the third letter in the acronym LGBT, how many of us even know a bisexual person? The shaping of a positive bisexual identity is hindered by the lack of a vocal bisexual community. Further, we bisexuals not only have to come out to the straight world but also to the queer one. In fact, our closet needs to have doors on both sides! The question is which one do we open? Do we open the one where people hate us to our faces, or the one where people hate us behind our backs? Do we even have the option of opening both doors? More
BOOK REVIEW
Review of Mahesh Natarajans Pink Sheep
ne of the predominant thoughts that comes to mind as one flips through its pages, is that Pink Sheep is of contrasting dimensions. The content of this anorexic volume spans 162 pages, which would make it easy to misplace, or looking at it more positively, convenient to conceal between a magazine, and read at work. At the same time, it contains 18 stories, no more than 2 covering one aspect of gay life. The book is almost entirely written from the viewpoint of, or concerning a Tamil Brahmin (TamBram) protagonist, and based entirely in Bangalore. Yet, none of the aspects of life it touches upon are so specific that they wouldnt be present in another part of the country. The USP of Pink Sheep is its frequent departure from stereotypes, particularly in Practical Matters and Murphys Law, where the author provides a very nonjudgmental, almost sympathetic insight into the lives of gay men trapped in matrimony, and then not so sympathetic in just fiction. Something Stupid. Several stories serve as a source of optimism. Dolling up and Kissing Cousins are remarkable examples of parental support and acceptance of their offsprings deviance, in the background of conservative society and so-called traditional values. Yet one fears whether, at the end of the day, they are ultimately
different stages of life. In the title story, for instance, the narrator reminisces about innocent moments on a hot summer day, and travels across to questions of post-separation dynamics in Ethics. Finally, the book ends on a melancholic, yet realistic note with Nothing Changes, possibly the easiest to relate to. Most stories from Pink Sheep are pages out of the life of the middle-aged urban gay Indian-- if not a reflection of his own character, then of those he meets in the course of life. The collection, albeit skirting many ugly truths, attempts to capture streaks of normalcy in the lives of its subjects, occasionally painted with unrealistic and uncommon instances of optimism. Regardless of it all, the book is an entertaining read, taking its readers through a journey of short spates of a range of emotions.
Review of Mahesh Natarajans Pink Sheep

Pink Sheep is a volume of contrasts. For Family Secrets, there is Facsimile, and for The Unforgettable Dinner, Nothing Changes. Far from the stereotypical drama that is often attributed to the community, the stories here thrive on subtleties. The subtlety of the rift in the relationship of the characters of
DhroovQ
Crossroads, and the passivity of the protagonist in Family Secrets as he tells his story through mere observations are ideal examples. The author strives to stay away from stereotypes, with stories in which breaking up is but a transitional phase, and suicide is merely accidental. The book thrives on the diversity of its characters, touching upon protagonists of all ages, and in
AGONY UNCLE AND AUNT
Agony Uncle And Aunt Karan and Karen take on relationship queries from queer Bangaloreans. They are both grounded people and though
they speak in different voices, often they find that their takes on issues are pretty similar. If one is pasta, the other is noodles take your pick!
Karan and Karen
If you have a query you would like Karan & Karen to address, send in your query to editors.sanghamitra@gmail.com with subject: Karan & Karen.
i Karan (& Karen),
Im in love with my best friend of over 2 years, and I would do anything for him. I know that I am gay, and he seems confused because he tells me he has hooked up with a guy before, but all his relationships have been with women. We hang out together often, and once we get drinking, I end up doing him sexual favours, though he has never agreed to go all the way with me. He constantly talks about girls, but I do believe he gets jealous when he sees me with other guys. I have no idea where I stand with him! I find myself sinking into depression now and am unable to think about any other guy, because I love him so much. I need some good advice. Please help! -Straight Talker Karan Says: Dear Straight Talker:
Karan and Karen

you have not talked to him about how you feel when sober, I mean. I believe you and your friend need to have a chat. Though you say he seems jealous when you talk to other guys, that might be just your own desire speaking. Is he aware of your feelings for him? Does he know you are gay? Many guys who identify as straight do play around with male buddies when drunk it may not be serious at all. Being clear about that could be the key to helping yourself and keeping your friendship. You ended your letter asking you want good advice so here goes : Communicate! boy who claims its all in fun when drunk. He sounds the type to absolutely deny any sex even if you went all the way (what the heck is that!). Does he even know you are gay? Next time you open your mouth when around him, use it to talk to him! Dear Karan & Karen, After an adolescence devoid of any sexual or romantic relationships (I was quite focused on my school work and extra-curriculars), I finally came out to myself as a lesbian two years ago, when I met a woman who set me on fire. We had a heady and intense fifteen-month long relationship which ended with her moving to a different city and us drifting apart.
denly I am in a strange dilemma. I find myself strongly attracted to a new coworker. A male coworker! What does this even mean? I have never felt anything for a man before, and this rush that I get around him is strange and unsettling to me. I was planning to come out to my mom this year close to the Pride march, but this development has totally thrown me off balance. Is this a one-off thing? Can homosexuality be a phase? Have I been lying to myself about my sexuality? Who am I really?? - Meghana Karan Says: Dear Meghana: You say you came out to yourself as a lesbian two years ago and are now confused because you are strongly attracted to a man, though you have been out a couple of times with a friend of a friend (a girl, I assume?) This sudden attraction has thrown your plans of coming out to your mom and others off balance.
I can see you are deeply attracted to Karen says: your best friend, and while you have had some sexual contact when drunk, you Here is good advice get a life! Your have not gone all the way. It seems like best friend is probably just a straight
I have recently started to date again and Meghana - Firstly, a large number of have been out a couple of times with this studies state that sexual identity -as a lesbian or otherwise- is not a constant. cute, smart friend of a friend. But sud-

While for many, it gets set early - for others, it continues to be fluid. This varies with each person and so, you need to give yourself more time to figure out what you want. Again, it might be that you are bisexual - or queer, in general. Secondly, you said you came out to yourself as a lesbian. What does this label mean to you? You can try telling yourself - I am a lesbian, I am a bisexual or I am queer. See what each label means to you and you might be able to get more clarity on which one fits. In the meantime, coming out as someone who is fluid about her sexuality is quite OK as well, should you want to and believe your mother will be ready for it. Either way, be patient with yourself. Karen says: Meghana I dont want to rain on your parade, but you sound like a bisexual to me, darling. Or just queer. Either way, whats wrong with just being who you are? Who says you should be attracted to one or the other? Why is the label so important? Just go out and love who you will, girl!
AGONY UNCLE AND AUNT
Karan and Karen
POETRY
Your Coat
o you know why I refused it with the carelessness I casually fake? Because it would remind me even more of you than I can usually take. But in your sweetness you insisted and forced me to take your coat, As in winter I left for Paris and you saw me off at the airport.
Your coat
Art: Christopher Henry Prashanth
Pavan
Guilty that if you were to find out, you would think of them as profane.
My desires are questions I cannot answer; I do not know how I will look you in the eye, We were friends when we parted, now And now I stand atop the Eiffel tower, in you seem much more than that, I cannot say why! the cold wind I shiver, I draw the coat around me and think of Your coat, your innocent little gesture, it you, my friend and giver. means so much to me, I hold onto it like a child holds on to the I imagine the coat sleeves to be your comfort of certainty. arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace, I am warm at once, my heart plays your And yet it is not mine, I should not imagine any right to it; that would be memories; the wind is your breath on wrong, my face. Try explaining that to my stupid heart that only your coat can manage to keep I hug it harder and envy it; it had the warm. pleasure of touching your naked skin, And when you ask back for it, what shall I curse my fate that I am not even as I tell you? In what voice shall I reply? lucky as this coat of yours has been. Shall I say that I have lost my heart and somewhere in the folds of your coat it And yet I love it, cherish it; it touched lies? you once and touches me now, You are miles away from me and yet I I know I borrowed it but I cannot return believe it connects us somehow. it; it belongs to me. And the question I dare not ask myself These thoughts, these dreams I have of is - will you ever be? you are driving me insane,
Bouquets and Brickbats
We have received a lot of positive feedback for our July 2010 issueno brickbats so far. Here are a few of them (edited for clarity and space). Do keep writing to us.
he magazine is fabulous! I sent the link to all my colleagues here at the Institute, and Ive suggested that the library should print a copy for the collection. Please do add me to your mailing list, as Ill look forward to seeing your future issues. Our mission is to advance sexual health and knowledge worldwide, so we really appreciate having this article in your magazine with our web address included. Congratulations and happy anniversary! Catherine Johnson-Roehr, Curator of Art, Artifacts, and Photographs The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, Bloomington, USA
support groups outside this site in Bangalore. Really opening my eyes! Thank you! Gautam
Congratulations! Great design and con-
cept clear and charming. The e-zine is a mixed bag which holds something for everyone, e.g., I really enjoyed the first article in Science and Sexuality series looking forward for more on this space. The other articles that I really enjoyed are My Mirror has two faces, Will you marry me and Power Sex all three made for an interesting read. Kudos to the team! Tanya
Congratulations to the team for bring-
ing out a quality publication! Considering this was a totally voluntary effort the quality and range of the articles was simply amazing. Keep up the good work. Abhijeet

ures have increased manifold. I have always subdued my emotions, been embarrassed about being queer. But now it dawns on me that there a lot more like-minded people with whom I can speak my heart out and share my views. Read the July 2010 issue of Sanghamitra. It was such an eye opener. Thanks a ton for that! I really wish I could understand my sexuality better and take some firm decisions in life! Praveen, Mangalore
Congrats on this wonderful new ava-
tar! Really awesome effort by the editorial team! Vijay
Thats superb, congratulations on bringing the material together so expediently! A Sanghamitra first, to be sure... Curt [editor of a previous issue of Sanghamitra]
Im new to this entire world. It has
I was going through the e-zine Sang-
taken a lot of courage from my side to accept the fact that Im not straight. Never into anything silly as yet, but I do agree that my craving for carnal pleas-
hamitra. I really liked some of the articles. All my gay life was focussed on the single point called PlanetRomeo until I saw that link on your profile. I never realized that there were forums and
I think it looks great......though I may
adopt fuck my life as a daily expression! Its a great looking mag! We could do with more of that here! And err...one or two handsome looking contributors to boot...whats not to like? Ha ha Seb B [feedback on a British GLBT discussion forum, http://www.outeverywhere.com]
Literate, intelligent, informative and
warm - your e-zine puts our fashion and scene obsessed mags to shame. Its a good balance of human interest and reporting, very readable. Well done. Bob C [feedback on http://www.outeverywhere.com]
Great looking magazine. Ive book-
marked it. And I love that there are no adverts of hunks ordering me to buy life insurance/underwear/Lady Gagas latest cd. It reminds me of the intelligent gay British magazines of the early 1970s which had so many clever, thoughtprovoking articles and were written by activists - before it all became commercialized and about making money. Make the most of that window. Paul B [feedback on http://www.outeverywhere.com]

Sanghamitra July 2011

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CREDITS

Cover page & Cover section design

Editorial A Dedication Danish Sheikh

Suicides In The Hijra Community Vinay Chandran

Good As You Pages

Embracing the Gender Spectrum

Agony Uncle & Aunt

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GOOD AS YOU PAGES

Bangalore Celebrates another Anniversary of Landmark Judgemente

We kick started the revelry on the 1st of

Bangalore Celebrates another Anniversary of Landmark Judgement

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GOOD AS YOU PAGES

audience was extremely receptive and spirited.

maadi was done in honour of the anniversary of a momentous judgement.

On the evening of July 2nd, The Fes-

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

The Bureaucratic Logic of the Law

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

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COMING OUT/PERSONAL STORIES

An Understanding Indian Father

An Understanding Indian Father

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Shridhar Sadasivan English Translation : Niruj

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Previously published on http://www. gaysifamily.com and Tamil magazine Thinnai.

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Gaysi Family and Writers Block

Gaysi family and Writers block

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

Manju, age 45, from Bangalore:

Hanumanthi, age 33, from Gulbarga:

Conversations with Trans-persons

Akkai, age 27, from Bangalore:

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

Kiran, age 25, from Warangal:

Charu, age 29, from Erode, TN:

Viji, age 25, from Bangalore:

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

Bhavya (name changed on request), age 34, from Ongole, AP:

Manju, age 30, from Bangalore:

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

Glossary of Terms used in the context of Gender/Sexuality Studies

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

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EMBRACING THE GENDER SPECTRUM

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