2004 Liepos 22d. (ketvirtadienis). (30/10.

bkoz its th last of my rtkls ← lithol&, kompletn O, Im ^ th

1st of th ssays I wrote whn I bgan h&n out my work. It woz th strt of a journey → bskure, nsgnpostd
path whch iz nly slghtly mor dscernbl in rtrospkt. I woz well long th way b4 I knew I woz on it & now I
suspkt it may b kumn 2 an nd. Im due 4 a change of stroke. Prhps I should b prayn (makin myslf sm-
all) not writin (whch iz xbitionst). I note th@ I pasted it → my journal on 18/4/99. It iz titld ART (a 3 – let-
ter word) : “ The world’s a stage & every man a player – Bill Shakespyras. If actors are
artists then we are all artists. Some more so than others; & there are various kinds.
(paragraph) On the countless number of continuums that we could use as metaphors to talk
about art I like the one where we spread artists along the line : decorative ……………….
challenging. (paragraph) The decorator draws an intricate edging along the borders of a
love letter bringing some extra beauty into the world of the receiver. Another decorator
hangs lovely rural scenes on the walls to make the kitchen homely. An art collector puts
an expensive wooden sculpture (Shona?) in the foyer of his mansion & for good measure
a granite form (Henry Moore?) in his garden under the florida palms next to where the
patio & entertainment area overlook the swimming pool. (paragraph) If I had been an artist
I would have wanted to be at the other end of the line. The one where you challenge
accepted & habitual ways of looking at the world. I would like to take people on a
journey through difficult terrain into unchartered waters. Great artists have done that.
But they are very few. How do they do it? That’s the problem. (p-aragraph) An individual
observes the world through the window of his identity consisting of many components all
joined together in a single whole as if they were pieces of coloured glass held together
by lead sealing. Some major components are religion, tribal affiliation, so-cial status,
sexual role, etc. etc. We invest a lot of ourselves in building the structure and then
maintaining its cohesion. Serious damage to any one of the lattices can make the whole
window fall to pieces. Rearranging the coloured shards is almost impossible and done
only at large cost. Once we’ve joined the pieces together it is tempting to keep them
firmly in place ever after; from inertia alone. For the more tim-id the slightest challenge
to its rigidity is taken as life threatening. The fundamentalist mind set is like that. Note
the reaction to Andre Serrano’s ‘sss-x-riced’. Or threaten the tribla identification of a
people & they might ethnically cleanse you. (paragraph) So it would seem impossible to
change how a person views the world. On this model at least. Yet great artists do
sometimes help us, perhaps by their combined efforts, to go on extraordinary journeys.
(paragraph) If I were an artist I would like to be the person who loosens, a little, the lead
seals that hold the shards together. That would be sufficient challenge for me. I like to
think that though most are born to build there is also a need for the occasional person
whose task it is to loosen structures, even shake them apart at times, or threaten to. Put
in anoth-er way, I would rather rock the boat than row it. To do it well, which may simply
mean to get away with it, may require a bit of style, a bit of art perhaps. A bit of wicked
humour, a bit of trickery, a bit of shock? ((paragraph) *********** (paragraph) It should be
noted that though in western culture notions about GOD & ART share a parallel history
(prior to the post-modern era at least) they share other things too. Both are 3-letter
words. Further, as students of arcane coincidences and devotees of trivial pursuit will be
aware, both are imperfect reflections of the animal kingdom as GOD is an anagram of
dog and ART is an anagram of rat.”) 5.40pm. Im writin in room 203 (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ & ‘(no 2)’) in
no 2 Latako g. (31/10. c left h& side (btween 11 & 1-4) of kuvr map of ‘Vilnius (no 1)’. Lso note th@
foto on kuvr of ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ is takn from 16 (ie Rotu-šė, Menininku rūmai)) Vilnius. Im testn out
‘Čepkeliu trauktine su Bruknėmis’ & I rekn its not az good az th uthr (c ‘→ (no 2)’ p16) bkoz its sweetr.
Iv just kum back from a kavine in Gaono g. (@ 1 nd of it thr iz a PAMINKLAS (lithol& iz th l& of
PAMINKLAI (…AI is th plurl)) whch reads : VILNIAUS GAONUI ELIJAHU hoo th waitrss sez (ftr
nquiries & fone kalls in th kitchn) woz an mportnt Torah skolr (rabin-as) in th 1700s. Sh sez I kan find
out mor O him @ th jwsh mzeum (hvnt cn th 1 in Melb.) & I mght br-eak my rule & do just th@
1
2mrrow uthrwize Ill hav 2 wait till I get back 2 Melb. & read th Opaedia Jud-aika @ th St8 Libery) whr I
had a beer & a pl8 of ŠALTIBARSČIAI. B4 th@ I vzitd th chapl in th Aušr-os Vartai (Gates of Dawn) 2
c if I kould spot any mrakls bkoz I hav noticed peopl thr akt az if they r in a rapture & az I woz passn
thrgh th g8s this mornn draggn me suitkase I sor a guy turn O & † hmslf koz he had gon ndr th shrine
(2 th holy vrgin mary). I ddnt wtnss a mrakl but read th@ th pope haz don8d both hiz RED & his
WHITE skull kaps 2 th shrine 2 sgnl hiz dvotion. Thr iz a book 4 pilgrms 2 sgn but I ddnt. @ 3pm I
rang H 2 giv her th no 2 O back (koz its miles cheapr 2 O from Melb 2 lithol& than th ←) & w torkd 4
nearly an hour. I m gettn homesik & sh klaims sh wants me back uthrwize shs On up th ‘hire-a-hubby’
service. B4 th@ I had a beer (maža (300) tamsaus) & fried bread (if u hav it u kant eat nuthr greezee
meal on th same day az its nuff x itslf 2 make your skin ooz greez) wth garlk in th kavine x th
Arkikatedra-Bazilika 2 ‫ ٱ‬get back → th swng of th Vilnius lifestyle. B4 th@ I got 100 US $s & 30 euros
in dreadfl ntcip8n of th 10 hrs Ill hav 2 spnd @ th Moscow airport on my way home in a weeks time.
B4 th@ I chekd if ŠUjLoSnKaIsS had h&d on ‘29/4/04 – 1/5/04’ 2 Karolina Masiulytė-Pal-iulienė
(30/10. c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p13) @ th frnch lnguage book shop & he sed he had but kouldnt gran-tee sh
would read it so I got his +rss 2 send my lithol& pieces 2 him so he kan read em. (its hot & ste-amy
but my short sleev shirt hznt dried yet from whn I washd it in th h&basin). B4 th@ Vaidas had dr-oppt
me off @ th Ukmergė (c ‘→ (no 1)’) bus st8n but a guy spottd I woz goin 2 Vilnius & ffrd a fastr trip (u
get this @ most majr rail & bus termnls) 4 8 Lt (wth 5 uthr pssngrs). B4 th@ Vaidas had put in a littl
bottl wth a piece of ppr on whch I had writ a sekret note → hole he had drilld → top of th BOBAs (c ‘→
(no 1)’ & ‘→ (no 2)’) head whch reads : “The BOBA was made x Vaidas (Vaidotas in full) ŽVI-
RBLIS (Passer domesticus) during June & July 2004 on a trip from Melbourne, Vic.
Australia. I, John Arūnas ŽIŽYS, was a witness & helped carry her 2 her present lok8n. I 2
m from Me-bourne but my fathr woz born in th Ukmergė ‫ٱ‬. a…ž. PS Th haus was built x
Vaido grand-fathr.” Ncdntly it woz a magnfcent chievmnt az 4 men kouldnt hav liftd th BOBA but w
mnaged 2 do it wth a riketee h&kart V found in th shed. It woz a struggl. B4 th@ I 8 h&fuls of red, & of
black SERB-ENTAI (c ‘→ (no 2)’ p16). B4 th@ I 8 sausage (it woz named KAIMIŠKOS LAUKTUVĖS /
KAIMIŠK-AS SERVELATAS & it had a pretty pik of a vllager bringn good stuff on hiz hors drawn kart
→ city pe-opl & in small print it sed “nauja technologija “(new teknolgy) & “experimentinis gaminys”
(xprimntl pr-dkt) & Vaidas had bght it x mstake koz he threw hiz piece → cindrs koz it tasted like th
stuff u x in ny sprmrkt in Melb xpt it had mor salt in it 2 suit litho taste buds & it woz wfl & nxious & a
taste of things 2 kum wth th rrival of modrinity but I 8 it koz I woz hungry) on rye bread wth 2mato
(striktly litho koz az very1 here knows they r much tastier (but go off quikr!) than th ½ price spansh
1s), kukumbr, onion & dill (KRAPAI) 2 whch Iv bkum +iktd. B4 th@ I had a wash in th Šašuola rivr 4 th
last time evr mayb (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p4). B4 th@ I had a good though short nghts sleep durin whch I woz
1drn O Sai Babas prdktion of th xakt time whn he would die th@ Vaidas had told me O th prvious
evnn x th LAUŽAS. What dffrnce duz it make 2 his writns & sayns should th prdktion turn out 2 b fals
since I woz thinkn th@ th meann of th lnguage iz a sepr8 m@r ? Sppose a bad man sez sumptn true
O human nature duz it turn out 2 b fals koz he woz a bad man? Or if a very good man (eg saint) sez
sumptn rdkulous duz it turn out 2 b true just koz it woz sed x a nice guy? Or r bad guyz (az Rumsfeld
(5/11. met GEO-RGE-KcOoTnZABASIS ((c ‘→ (no 1)’ p6) sez his rtkls r sent 2 Rumsfeld, Bush, &
Cheney & klaims th yanx hav fast-trakt most of hiz rkommnd8ns) @ th st8 libery ystrdy whr he had
brought in hiz book (4 lgal dposit) xortn an n10sfk8n of th war on terrr & rguin th@ “Since the
terrorists have decided to fight the ‘infidels’ by the laws of the jungle, they should also
be prepared to suffer, and to die, by the laws of the jungle … no civilised human rights
laws should protect this murderous mass of fanatics who are determined to bury civilised
life” (8/11. Con, a 4mr SBS drektr & hoo haz bn an djudik8r on th = Pprtunity Board Trbunal in Vik
ddk8s th book → hiz muthr & “to all mothers who may have lost or who might lose their sons
and daughters in this war against terror”)) would hav us blve) lwayz rong & good guys (eg Bush
or th pope) lwayz rght? I woz thinkn O th prdktion x JESUS OF NAZAR-ETH th@ th O az w know it
woz O 2 fnish & he woz mstaken but very1 he preachd 2 woz dead wthn a genr8n & their O had
fnishd ndeed. Prhaps they wdnt hav listnd 2 him if he hdnt sed th O would finsh & he nly sed it
2
would so they would listn koz it really would 4 thm & he knew it finshs 4 very1 but they sort of
think they go on 4eva bkoz they hav kids etc. So mayb he woz sp-eakn nly 4 thoz 4 hoom it fnishs
(az it did 4 him) az thoz hoo think they go on 4eva mght az well stay happy (HA! HA! HA!) az they r
koz theyv got it. Good on em I say. I woz lso thinkn O Brigitas lettr wh-ch sh had persnly h&d 2 Sai
Baba koz it woz writ in komprhensibl (Brigita is sane) sntnces but sh wo-znt xpktn (& ddnt get) an
nswr ← from th holy man but mayb woz spektn a mirkl. But if Sai Baba duz mirkls why go all th way
wth a lettr 2 india ← ozziel& since a guy like th@ should b abl 2 hear what u ask in ozziel& koz of his
mrklous hearn or iz it he kan nly do sum mirkls but not uthrz & needs a writ lettr 2 giv an nwrit rspons.
U got 2 dmit it gets pretty konfuzin whn u start thinkn 2 much O mirkls in your sleep. I lso got up O x 4
4 a piss (& 1ce 4 a shit) koz of all th soop (& sum beer) I had had durin th day. Yes, I m goin in rverse
← Vilnius & from here ← Melbourne. 2004 Liepos 23d. (penktadien-is). It may b my special
kondtion I kanot sleep in th cities (Kaunas, Šiaulia, Vilnius) of lithol&. My ngh-br (dont like th sound of
hiz koff) in 202 kould hav th same prolbm az he uzed th toilt verytime ftr I uz-ed it. Ystrdy H woz
worried O Bens sleepn p@rns (24 x 24) , th@ Dan woznt doin 0 & th@ I had bn so konfuzed in my
‘Vilnius (no 1)’ rtkl. Hope sh duznt looz no sleep ovr it koz az soon az I get back I ntnd 2 talk her →
rtiremnt & w kan go travln in th van 4 long trips 2 th Flindrs Ranges, tropik queens-l&, Eyre pninsla,
etc etc whr w kan c@ch up on az much sleep az w need & 4get verythn xpt me writn & her new found
hobby of growin & mayb dntfyin orkids. Sh lso sed sh rranged th bdroom, shs teachn Dan 2 paint th
mpty rooms @ th back of th Ivanhoe haus, & shs gettn her hearin tstd koz shs good az deaf in 1 ear
& x th time I get back Ill b married 2 a littl old lady wth a hearn aid. 8.00am & I m goin 4 a krap, brush
me teeth, & a showr – my nghbr in 202 wont like it….Went 2 hav nuthr look @ th PAMI-NKLAS (of hiz
beardd head) of Gaonas Elijahu whch iz nly a kupl of 00 yrds from th rstrnt Iv bn eatn @ 2 c if Id
missd nythn. It turns out he had livd on th site of th haus on th knr nxt 2 th PAMINKLAS. L8r I skd th
grl in th frnch book shop whr th jwsh mzeum iz & thr r 2, 1 @ 12 Pamėnkalnio g. & 1 @ 10
Naugarduko g. Ill go thr l8r in th day. On th way I passd th wndow of th LIETUVOS GYVENTOJU GE-
NOCIDO IR REZISTENCIJOS TYRIMO CENTRAS & here iz a komplet list of th books on dsplay in th
wndow (31/10. I hadnt noticed thr woz nuthr dsplay wndow facin Stikliu g.) : 1) ‘The Unknown War :
Armed anti-Soviet Resistance in Lithuania in 1944-1953’. 2) ‘Tuskulėnai : (egzekuciju aukos ir bude-
liai) 1944-1947’. 3) ‘Esame’ x Stefanija Ladigienė. 4) ‘With a Needle in the Heart (Memoirs of Former
Prisoners of Ghettos and Concentration Camps)’. 5) ‘President Lithuania : Prisoner Gulag (A Biogra-
phy of Alexandras Stulginskis)’ x Alfonsas Eidintas (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ p4). 6) ‘Siberia Mass Deportat-
ions from Lithuania to the USSR’. 7) ‘Karas Po Karo : War After War’. 8) ‘Whoever saves one life ….
(The efforts to save Jews in Lithuania between 1941 and 1944)’. 9) ‘A State within a State? Jewish
autonomy in Lithuania 1918 – 1925’ x Šarūnas Liekis. 10) ‘The Anti-Soviet Resistance in the Baltic
States’. 11) ‘Genocidas (Lietuvos Gyventoju Genocido ir Rezistencijos Tyrimo Centras) Rezistencija
2004 1 (15)’. 12) 3 vols of ‘Lietuvos Gyventoju Genocidas’ : AŽ 1939 –1941 (I Tomas), AJ 1944-1947
(II Tomas), KS 1944-1947 (II Tomas). Then I read th ‘Lietuvos Rytas’ ovr breakfst. Thr iz a majr rtkl O
th hotel ‘Šiauliai’ I had stayd in whn I woz vzitn jŽuIoŽzIaSs (c ‘Šiauliai’) whch I mght nklude (31/10.
ddnt) in my ‘Šiauliai’ piece (whch H tells me sh haz typed). It sez th dansh NATO troops hav shftd out
(2 Panėvežys 80ks away ← their ‫ )ٱ‬bkoz it iz nsafe : th fire fghtn gear iz noprabl koz th metl fittns hav
bn stoln x metl thievs (c ‘Šiauliai’ p2); their kommndn ffcer, kaptn S M Madsen, sez in th kase of a fire
soliders in th uppr storeys would hav bn kondmnd 2 die bkoz th fire xits wer naild up; & since leavn
they hav found out th watr is nfektd wth LEGIONELLA PNEUMOPHILA. Nuthr rtkl rports th@ a poll
shows th@ ovr th last 3 yrs lithos hav bkum mung th most ptmistk peopl in urop. (just met Mr 202. He
iz germn & woz komplainn th@ th old man @ th frunt door duznt speak any nglsh xpt 2 say “hullo hul-
lo” mayb & he iz srprized such a man iz mployd 4 th job). I m goin 2 wash me ndrpants in th h&basin
& go look 4 th mzeum …. On th way I met KAaRlAgZiIsJA (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p7 & ‘Vilnius (no
1)’ p2 & ‘Vilnius (no 2 )’ p12 &13) in Vilniaus g. talkn on his mobile 2 KEdSaMnIiNuAsS in Melbourne
rgnizin th Jumbo Jazz vent in sept. Whn they fnshd I took th mobile & skd Danius 2 pass on my rgard-
s 2 Jane, hiz parnts, & S&AdNrIeGwA (31/10. goin 2 a bbq @ hiz place on nov 19th on th kkasion of
him kompletn hiz PhD). I knew I woz in th vcinty of The Jwsh St8 Mzeum of Lithuania whn I kame † a
3
PAMINKLAS whch lookd japneezee (a man karryin a big stone on his head?) & iz kalld MOON LIGHT
x GOICHI KITAGAVA Dedicated to CHYJUNE SUGICHARA 1900-1986 & sez “During world war two
Japanese Diplomat Chyjune Sugichara saved the life of more than 6000 jews. * This sculpture was erected at the
initiative of Emanuelis Zingeris assisted by Vladas Vilžiunas and the Vilnius Jeružalem Art Centre in August
1992.” Nside a lady gave me sum writtn m@rial put out x th mzeum in nglsh whr it sez “In the 18th c.,
the Great Gaon of Vilnius, Elija ben Shlomo Zalman (1720 – 1797), was recognized as one of the greatest
think-ers and authorities on the Torah and the Talmud. Th Gaon also urged the study of secular subjects, to
enhance interpretation of the Talmud. This interaction of secular and sacred wisdom represented a revolution
in tradit-ional Jewish thought, and of the Enlightenment in general. The Gaon explained the Talmud and all
rabbinical literature in a simple, straightforward manner. He wrote commentaries to almost all parts of the
Talmud, sever-al books on Trigonometry, geometry, astronomy, and algebra, and a short Hebrew grammar. He
became a leg-end in his lifetime, and has been described as the last great Theologian of classical Rabbinism.”
Sevrl nrl8d bits of nfo from th same skreed : Vilnius woz lready known as th ‘Jerusalem of Lithuania’
in th 17th c.; sum 4000 jws (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p5) wer murdrd x th partzns in th 2 days it took th
nvadin germn 4ces (in 41) 2 reach Kaunas; vrtually all (1/11. not plauzbl) th jws in Ukmergė (c ‘→ (no
1)’ & ‘→ (no 2)’) wer herdd → th syngog & burnt live; oh yes, th Gaon fought gainst th jwsh rlgious
trend of Hass-dzm. On th way → I kopied th poem x Mark Dvorshetski from ‘Jerusalem of Lithuania’
(Paris, 1948) whch ntrjuices th xibt : “Do not forget the Catastrophe of the people of Israel – do not forget
the struggle and the death – and take up their teachings. And may this memory lead you in your travels, in
your sleep, and as you waken. Remember throughout eternity those who are no longer with us. And may the
memory of th Cata-strophe be th salt of your bread, may it become a part of your own being, your blood and
your body. Grit your teeth and remember! Eating – remember! Hearing a song – remember! In the sunlight –
remember! And when you build a house, tear down its walls – that you may always see the demolished House
of Israel. And when you plough your field – make a hill of stones of it – to bear witness and to commemorate
your killed brethren with no grave on this earth. Listen carefully and hear how it calls to each one of us – the
history of the catast-rophe of our people – There is no rest! There is no rest?” Ftr leavn th mzeum I woz goin
4 a bite 2 eat (& drink) whn I passd th KRAŠTO APSAUGOS MINISTERIA (Ministry of Defence) & out
front was a PAMINKLAS of Generolas Jonas Žemaitis – Vytautas (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ p4) wth th
nskrption : “Prisie-kiu Visagalio Dievo Akivaizdoje Kad Ištikimai ir Sažiningai / Vykdysiu Lietuvos
Laisvės Kovos Sa-jūdžio Nario Pareigas / Kovosiu del Lietuvos Laisvės ir Nepriklausomybės
Atkūrimo/ Negailėd-amas Nei Savo Turto Nei Sveikatos Nei Gyvybės”. Ftr th@ I had th snack &
th beer & kame her-e….Rang Rasa & will meet her @ 2pm 2mrrow. Took a few piks so az 2 hav
sumthn 2 show H. 8 ce-pelinai (aka didžkukuliai & whch th bielo rus klaim az theirs) @ th sual spot in
Gaono g. & notice th@ from thr it bkums Žydu (of jws) g. so th site Elijah ben Shlomo Zalman livd @
iz now no 3 Žydu g. Ra-ng JOrNiAmIaTsIS place & will meet up wth thm 2pm sundy. Rang
tŽaIuŽrYiSus & hell pik me up @ 9 on mundy. Hiz dghtr krashd her kar but iz OK. He sez thr r no
mushrms & haz th day mappd out & sez w may spend th nght (my xprssd dzires dont kount 4 much)
@ hiz SODYBA….1drd O. 2004 Lie-pos 24d. (šeštadienis). Ystrdy I woz wtnss 2 a prfkt Vilnius nght
whr th old town ‫ ٱ‬throngd wth peopl in shirt sleevz & singlts. Th grls wer drssd 2 @rakt. Thr woz
hardly a spare seat vailabl on th footpa-ths az very1, 2rsts & what had 2 b a konsdrbl fraktion of th yth
of th city, rlaxd in konvvial groups or luvn pairs. Evn in Melbourn u nly get a few nghts (nvariably ftr a
skorchr of a day) az balmy az this & Im lwayz nvious of Sydney whr such nghts r th norm in summr. U
kan magin how it iz pprci8d here whr peopl wait 4 summr ftr a long wintr whn they leav & kum home
from work in th dark & th sun iz sually hiddn bhind kloud durin th day. @ O 11.30 I sor th man (1/11. c
‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p10) with DUE-NDE (a few hours rlier I had passd th strip-joint tout (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p1))
→ down Pilies g. but he ddnt stop 2 pull out hiz guitar az I had hoped. I had lready heard a lot of good
muzik kumn from bars & bu-skrs sum of hoom I tippd. I felt lonely. Wth so many happy yng peopl O I
felt an ache @ th passn of my yth & a sadnss @ th nkreasn r8 @ whch my 6ualty iz slippn way ovr th
last year. Prhps thez knce-rns kntributed 2 th dsorient8n H noted in th 1st 2 Vilnius rtkls & my nkln8n 2
chooz th most lurid ntrprt-8ns 4 what I sor & heard. I m sffciently mbarrssd 4 th thght 2 hav †d my
4
mind I kould void rkordn thm in thez pieces but on th uthr h& they r xampls of how verythn u c (th
kontxt u put it → ) sbsquently iz dtrmind x your ntial ‫ٱ‬work (th prspktiv u nherit or put in) & if th point
haz bn sxssflly evn thgh nn10t-ionlly made any dskum4t @ bein cn 2 b a fool iz a small price 2 pay. It
kkurrd 2 me this mornn th@ th earliest found8ns put in place x parnts r lmost mpossbl 2
rshape bkoz so much haz bn built on2 thm they r no longr in view. I karry a good deal of th
rsponsblty of how my kids view th O but I 2 m kauzd x kauzez whch r kauzd x their kauzez. Hstry
(30/10 nuthr ssay from ‘Meditation on Lake Gairdner’. FORGETTING : “Except there is no
forgetting. Things sleep in the memory or are transformed.(paragraph) Bubbles burst but
the spray lingers in the air... lies as dew, falls to ground, seeps into a bubbling brook. The
murderer's knife which flashed in the moonlight is thrown into the dam where it lies on
the bottom till the dam is dry and it is exposed to the sun - rusted. The dead turn into
worms. Drowned sailors suffer a sea change and end up as shell grit. Over time you
forget the face of the one you love but the yearning in the heart gets stronger. And in
the loins too. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The dead cry out to be
remembered. Over the years the disloyal friend forgets the secret betrayal but he
remembers never to look you in the eye again. Crime does not pay. Money in the bank
earns interest. The thief hides the stolen goods. When my daughter was studying in
Hanoi it was pointed out to her that a whole age gro-up of men were missing - then she
noticed it more and more. When a tribe murders another tribe it suppresses guilt by
blaming the victim. Things that are hidden in the memory turn into neuroses. History
repeats itself. A lie is multiplied a thousand times. The daughter that has been violated
by her father fears men. The daughter that has been seduced by her father fears god.
But a daughter cannot seduce her father, only think she has. When a cruel master dies
his dog will forget the blows but will always cringe when you raise your hand. When a
tribe murders a smaller tribe in its midst it practices silence so as not to be found out -
the silence grows by being passed on to its child-ren and their children. A murdered
infant haunts the house. The sins of the fathers are passed on to their children. Nature
abhors a vac-uum. Nothing is lost, only mislaid. Absences resonate. Everything that is
hidden will be made known. Time stays - you go. Shadow-play.( paragraph) Remembering
and forgetting are reverse sides of one coin (paragraph) **** (paragraph) I don't know why I
do this seeing as Shakespear does it so much better. I suppose I just can't help myself.” )
iz like th@. Nuff slf rflektion. Outside Aušros Vartai (th rchway ndr what used 2 b th rginal wall of old
town) I sor 4 rus speakrs, muskl bou-nd yths all wth stubbies in h&, tip 1 of th beggrs hoo r lwayz
(prfssnal sum say) thr. Sor nuthr yth WA-LKN BACKWRDS lookn up @ th chapl 2 th virgn mary buv
th rchway †n himslf rpeatdly. Furthr down th street sor an rchway thrgh whch Adomas Mickevičius
(ADAM MICKIEWICZ) left Vilnius 4 th last time on his way → xile in russia. @ mdnght I took 10mgs of
temazepam & 5 of valium but it ddnt stop me hearn th kar break in (larm went off but they lwayz do
here so u dont pay @10tion) & a guy sprntn →. This mornn th kupl in 202 got up & showrd b4 6am &
I rpeat THER IS NO SOUNDPROOFN (c ‘Vi-lnius (no 2)’ p6) & they mght az well hv bn wth me in th
room xpt it ddnt m@r az th 2 grmn guyz hooz kar (just out front th wndow in th ‫ ٱ‬whch lso mplifies)
had bn burgld had found out what had happnd still rlier (mayb they woke 202) & wer dskussn loudly &
fotografn & then th police kame ….8 breakfst in Vilniaus g. Took fotografs but woznt abl 2 take th 2
shots I wantd in ←→ drktions thrgh Aušros Var-tai az thr woz a majr srvice bein knduktd in polsh from
th chapl & th street woz choked wth dvotees in vrious kulour t shirts possbly showin whch rgniz8n or
dstrkt they kame ←. I hav gon th full O wth chr-chs & rlgion since I kame here & listnn 2 th sing-song
voice of th priest (in hgh kleft head gear & th full vstmnts (lots of purpl & gold)) & th banal singn &
rsponses of th krowd I felt a rvulsion 4 this srvice in prtklr but lso 4 rlgious srvices in genrl. On the way
back I rote down th full nskrption buv th Mickevič-ius rchway (in litho & polsh) : “1824 – x1 – 6 (x-25)
IŠ ŠIU NAMŪ IŠVYKO IŠTREMTAS I RUS-IJA ADOMAS MICKEVIČIUS VISAM LAIKUI
PALIKDAMAS VILNIU.” & “Z TEGO DOMU WY-JECHAŁ V DNIU 6-XI (25-X) 1824-R-ZESLANY

5
DO ROSJI ADAM MICKIEWICZ OPUSZCZAJAC WILNO NA ZAWSZE”…. Its 12.42am & Iv spent th
last 1½ hours or so wth th muzikian wth DUENDE (c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p10 &12). Rlier in th day I uzed
up th film I had in th kamra & I must make sure I le-av myslf time 2 fotograf th knr of Stikliu g. &
Gaona g. & Žydu g. whr Iv bn eatin most oftn. Meilutė sez this ‫ ٱ‬woz rginally th tradespeopl ‫ & ٱ‬woz
jwsh. It woz wthn th ‫ ٱ‬whch woz fenced off az th ghetto & from whr th jws wer takn 2 b xkuted. Sh lso
droppd sumthn of a slow rleas time bomb (1/11. now I hav had time 2 ssess th possblity its turnd out
2 b a fizzr – I lready hav a dark pikture of th past & of peo-pl) x klaimn th@ a dstnt rl@v (not x name
& bliquely rl8d & prhaps I woz not listnn wthout known I had made sure not 2) woz nvolvd in th murdr
of jws in th Ukmergė ‫ٱ‬. But sh lso dmittd th@ th ssue of th wnrship of th Panemunė haus woz such a
big 1 wth her 4 so long th@ sh had kum 2 konsdr th@ side of th famly on a par wth Lenin, Stalin & th
devl himslf. B4 I got 2 their place I took th fotos I had 1td 2 take rlier & bservd an xtrordnary
phnomnon. Peopl (mostly old womn but lso sum men & sum teena-grs) wer makin their way up th
long flght of stairs 2 th chapl on their knees 1 step @ a time. Sum wer fingrn rozry beads. This may
hav bn th straw whch broke th kamls back & I gnord me rule of bzervn uthr peopls prktices wth rspekt
& aktd like a 2rst & took out me kamra (turnn me back on th Oy pik (sed 2 b a likenss of BARBORA
RADVILAITĖ (RADZIWILL) luvd x & briefly th wife of prince ŽYGIM-ANTAS AUGUSTAS) of th vrgin
mary) & fotografd th view lookn ← Pilies g. Lso Iv dcided th@ nless Taurius greez 2 bring me back on
mundy (Ill O 2mrrow 2 xplain) x 6pm I wont gree 2 spnd th day wth em. Whn I rang H sh klaimd I had
sed very littl O my rl@vs but th fakt iz though I njoy their kumpny it duznt transl8 → writn. I woz @ th
Kabailas from 2 – 9 whn Rasa drove me th short dstance home but thr iz not much I kan say xpt th@
it woz a good time. Whn I got home 2 small evnts kombined 2 prdu-ce nuthr time bomb. I skd Bronius
@ th door if he kould lend me an larm klok nxt thursdy so I kould wake up in time 4 Vaidas 2 pik me
up @ 4am & he sed he kould but thr woz no problm az thr iz a per-sn on duty durin th nght hoo kould
wake me up. So th evnts I dskribed az havn takn place in room 20-2 (c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p6) on my 1st
stay in Vilnius probbly kouldnt hav happnd & wer lmost certainly (but not quite so) th prdukt of a fvrsh
& dstortd magin8n. So much 4 truth! Thn I went 2 O Vaido parnts 2 leav a mssage th@ he kould get
→ & wake me if ncssry & dskuvrd th@ my 100 kredt point kard from whch I had nly uzed up a few
points 2 O Taurius woz not in my wallt. I keep 4gettn thm in th telefon. It shows how nnrvd I woz x
Taurius talkn az if he kould take kntrol of me & dcide what I needd. Mor mp-rtntly it shows I m kapabl
of gettn it komprhnsvly rong. But not 2 worry – what I do iznt O gettn it rght! L8r gain I woz drinkn dark
beer in th bar @ th edge of th arkitatedra ‫ ٱ‬lisnn 2 bad jazz & l8r gain I sor th muzikian wth DUENDE
in Pilies g. But mor O th@ 2mrrow koz its 1.40am. 2004 Liepos 25d. (sek-madienis). 8.30am. Th
name of th muzikian wth DUENDE (c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p10 &12 & ‘→ (no 2)’ p2) iz ŠAjLuArKiIjN. He
woz prvntd from playn in th street in frunt of 1 bar but @ nuthr 1 w s@ down @ th same tabl & he
playd 4 me. He rfuzed my offr of a beer bkoz a medkl kndition duznt llow him 2 drnk lhokol. He spoke
sffcient litho & nglsh 2 nswr my ?s but wth uthrz (prtklary 2 sum st peopl) he spoke in rus. Hiz fathr
had bn an gneer & his muthr a dktor. Sh woz pregnnt wth him whn they left india whr they had bn
based & he woz born in Magnitogorsk (URAL) & whn he woz 4 they went 2 liv in Grozny (ČEČĖNIA)
whr he grew up & learnt th guitar & taught it @ kollge lvl. In 1989 he kame 2 lithol& & wo-rkd in th oil
rfinery in Mažeikei 4 4½ yrs b4 kumn → Vilnius. (az he woz playn a teenage st kid kame 2 th nxt tabl
& skd 4 muny then knelt ↓ & beggd mplornly puttn on such an akt th@ 4 hamn it up it left Melbourne
heroin +ikts 4 dead. He ddnt sukceed & got up & left brushn th dust off hiz trouzrs. Th peo-pl @ th
tabl kouldnt help larfn). He uzed 2 hav a mnager hoo rranged hiz bookns but he fell out wth him bkoz
he ddnt want him 2 busk in th street. Now he iz x himslf. He ddnt want 2 kcept I woz 63 & kept rmarkn
how yng I lookd (ftr I had rfrrd 2 him az a yng persn) whch konsdrn th way I feel woz qui-te a
komplmnt. It goez wthout sayn (but I do since I hav sed uthrwize) hez not a pruvian or knnektd wth th
pruvians playn th &ean pipes in Kaunas. He iz here lgally but kant leav 2 → urop koz he iz st8-lss az
hiz pprs r out of ordr & it would kost 2 much 2 get thm fixd up. Hiz muthr iz still live in russia whr he
vzitd her & hiz aunts 2½ yrs ago. Uthrwize he iz wthout famly, wife, or chldrn. He lookd ill. He iz 4-0. I
gave hm 20 Lt. I had lost a pprtunity 4 a good sleep az I had no nghbrs in 202. Mayb Ill mnage 2nght.
I m goin out 2 get a fone kard & will O Taurius 2 tell him I wont b ready b4 10am 2mrrow & th-@ I hav
6
2 b back no l8r than 6 …. Kouldnt get thrgh → Taurius but got thrgh → Vaidas & knfirmd our
rrangemnts. Brigita will pik us up in Melbourne. Took 14 or so fotos of Žydu g., Stikliu g., & Gaono g.,
& of th site in Židu g. whr Elija ben Shlomo Zalman used 2 liv. DRUaMlMeOcND mght b ntrstd. 8 bre-
akfst @ th place opp th Piceria Da Antonio Pizza ITALIANA whr I had got in2 th habt of eatn whn I
woz in Vilnius b4. Bought nuthr roll of film & uzed it up in no time. What do u fotograf whn verythn iz
new & strange? Went 2 Rimas & Birute Jonaitis place opp th beautful cerkvė † th rvr (Neris) @ th nd
of Gedimino prspekt. Saulius (Rimo bruthr) & Katerina Jonaitis wer lso thr. 1ce gain I woz xllntly lookd
ftr & 1ce gain I m left wth n4m8n whch iz not eazy 2 dgest. I want 2 let it settl 4 while & I need 2 nwind
so Im goin 2 sit in a kavine ovr a jug of beer …. Listnd 2 spansh klasskl guitrs playd not vry well. Woz
thinkn how Id bn eatn didžkukuliai on streets of mizry (so rcently) whr 2rsts wer throngn & peopl woz
larfn. An ntire cvliz8n (chldrn, wize men, singrs, pretty wmn) haz bn dstroyd & it means 0 2 peopl. @
th Jonaitises I found out ŽYGIMANTAS AUGUSTAS had kkumpnied (on foot or on hors?) BARBARA
RADVILAITĖS koffn (th great luv of hiz life but sh died early) 2 AUŠROS VARTAI. Th pik of th vrgin
mary is sed 2 hav mrklous powrs (Ill test it out) & iz 1 of th 4 (thr r many uthr mirkl piks in lithol&) whch
haz bn krownd x th pope (ie made ffcial). Th krown woz stoln. All th ♥s in th metl wall sOn it r tributes
from peopl hoo hav bn kured of llnsss. It iz polsh peopl in prtklr hoo bliev in all thez things & 1c thr us-
ed 2 b fist fghts ovr ownrship btween litho miks & polsh miks. 1ce gain Iv bn wantn 2 kry (I had thght it
woz a passn phase (1st few weeks whn I had bn dsorientd & vrwrought)). Pparntly b4 they wer burnt
up in th synagog th 1st jews of Ukmergė 2 b mrdrd wer killd in Paneriai (1/11. Ponar. c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ p
8) (I think its what woz sed but I woznt listnn(1/11 our lines wer †d)). 70% of th peopl of Ukmergė wer
jwsh & I kould hav eazly left 4 Melbourne wthout knowin it & th@ th Ukmergė I had wovn → my
maginry pikture of my fathrs yth had no rl8n 2 how it had bn. If I kan hav a pikture whch iz so rmov-
ed (I wept ovr it) from how it woz iz thr a reazn 2 hold on2 any uthr pikture I hav nheritd of th
past? Why hav I valued thez ‘mmries’? But mor xtrordnry iz th@ I hav nevr bn givn th slghtst hint (nor
durin my stay in th dstrkt wth Vaidas though both of our fathrs & gr&fathrs r lokls) of th massv krime
whch woz kmmittd here. Sum1 must b held kkountabl (30/10. I think th fault lies wth hstry itslf & th pu-
rposes 2 whch w put it. Here iz nuthr ssay from ‘Meditation on Lake Gairdner’ – TIME : “If there were
no time we would live for ever. Lovers wouldn't make trysts.There would be no seasons.
No being born and no dying. The helmet would not have been beaten into a
ploughshare. There would be no tides and no footprints in the sand. Lovers wouldn't
hurry. The laughter of chil-dren would hang in the still air. We would not hesitate. We
would not waste it. The last train would not leave the station. The last post would sound
for ever. There would be no waking ... the dreamer would dream on. Sins could not be
forgiven. The murderer's knife that flashed in the moonlight would be frozen in the fist.
Treacheries would remain. Love would not be quenched. Desire would not be fulfil-led.
The banquet would go on. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put
Humpty together again for ever and ever. The singer would repeat the same song. There
would be no compound interest. Inflation would be zero. The end wouldn't be in the
beginning, but then again it would. There would be no consequences. No regrets.
Flowers wouldn't fade. No cause and effect. The sins of the fathers would not be visited
on their children. Liars would not prosper. School kids would not be let out. All would be
lost. I'd get some sleep. You would never have to ask when but you might keep saying
why? why? why? E would not equal MC squared. Memory would be unnecessary. History
would repeat itself. Nothing would matter. There was a man in Sydney who spent his
whole life writing ETER-NITY on subway walls. Time to quit. No exit. No sex. No making
love all night long. No deja vu. No time on. Never. Time's up. END. Alphabet soup. On
time.”) 4 th violence don 2 kredblty. Or mayb I hav lwayz known in uthr wayz & I should b thankful a
mor ntm8 kind of nrtikul8d knowin haz prtektd me from bkumn a persn hoo blievz eazly (5/11. “The
phrases that men hear or repeat continually end by becoming convictions and ossify the
organs of intelligence.” - Goethe). I hav bn karryin 2 much bggage whch iznt my own. I m goin
home 2 Melbourne lightr. I will not mince words : th largest lies r lwayz prptr8d x omission. Bkoz they r
7
nvizbl u kannot dfend yourslf gainst thm bkoz u kannt find thm xpt x tuch. My O iz made from nvizbl
struktures & I must learn 2 ng-oti8 a way thrgh. Like Tarkovskis ‘Stalker’ it may b I hav mthods. Or
mayb I m Olly lost. But I hav lwa-yz bn & I m used 2 it. Rlyin on tuch! 2004 Liepos 26d.
(pirmadienis). 7.00. Iv had a showr. It may b my last 1 in lithol& az th watr is havn mor trubl drainn
way each day. I fell → a deep sleep but woke durin th nght groann & I woz teary. I kept rpeatn “70%
wer jwsh”. I heard an eerie moan & thght sum1 in nuthr room must b kalln out in their sleep but it woz
strange & I 1drd if Latako g. woz lso wthin th boundry (Saulius had sed he rmmbrd 2 ghettos, 1 large
& 1 small, & rmmbrd a huge synagog & Kate-rina sed th uthr jwsh mzeum in Naugarduko g. woz opn
& had an xbtion on now & if I 1td 1st h& nfo sh (sh haz lso bn 2 zrael) kould rrange 4 her friends 2 tell
me but I sed AŠ NORIU ATSIKRATYTI NUO VISO TUO) of 1 of th ghettos & whethr I woz hearn a
voice from bneath th gO & I broke n2 a sweat & a shivr ran thrgh me & thn nuthr ½ duz times. It woz
strange but not frghtn, nly sad. Then a c@ skre-amd in th yard & nuthr & thr woz a st&off btween
yowdln c@s & it went on 4 a long time & I rlized th moan whch I had heard earlier az if from th grave
(or th past) must hav bn from 1 of th c@s but it ddnt change 0 (Borges ndrstood this). I heard myslf
say “lord, avenge them” (az if I kould b talkn 2 sum1 & how przmptious) whch ndik8s I hav lost my
balance gain in Vilnius. But how kould I not? I had bn sayn 2 Vaidas how beautful th street names in
Ukmergė such as Mišku g. & Smėlio g. & Lydeku g. wer & I had thght th@ th name Šventoji (THE
HOLY (or BLESSED)) woz th most beautful of all th rvr names in lithol& (& mor luvly evn than th
Darling whch iz my favrit rvr name in oz) & now I m 1drn if th synagog woz near th rvr & I will not b abl
2 think of th word Ukmergė in any uthr way xept az th place whr EVERYONE WAS MURDERED. & it
iz strange (I kanot swallow it) th@ I hav → O Ukmergė day ftr day not nly wthout knowin it had bn a
mainly jwsh town but wthout rlizin any jws @ all had livd thr …. Thr iz an rgument (I feel shamed x
evn ngagin in it 2 rbuke it az if a viktry haz lready bn 1 ovr me but I hav 2 bkoz its out thr & sum r
nfluencd x it) I keep hearn put x sum (rarely (bkoz it sounds rdik-lous whn st8d opnly & shameful)) but
bein mplied (eg Meilutė sed (but I know sh woz not doin it) they cheerd in th streets whn th ruskies
kame; Rimas sed (nor woz he) if they had not bn cn 2 hav koopr8d so opnly mor kould hav bn saved;
sum1 sed all th leadrship wer @ 1st jws then they wer all rplaced x ruskies & lithos; (1/11. Alfonsas
Eidintas in ‘Jews, Lithuanians and the Holocaust’ (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ p4) drawz @10tion 2 th role playd
x th Kaunas branch of th CP whch woz 70% → 76% jwsh in mmbr-shp & bein th party branch of th
then kaptl city supplied many ↑ly vzbl (thgh not ncessrily most nfluen-tial) guvt ffcials durin th 1st rus
kkup8n (but he woznt eithr))) x many whch I do not 1t 2 hear gain. It iz th@ it woz th jws themslvz hoo
wer th kauz of th katastrofe th@ fell on thm. THEY WER NOT. Thr wer lso non-jwsh lithos (probbly ½
of th party (I m nkludin ssoci8d yth rgniz8ns) wer from th start (my guess)) hoo koopr8d & no1 haz
punishd thm (& sum r probbly in th guvt now & many r in th new prv-liged klass) thgh sum in th past
hav kalld 4 it but if any1 had sggstd evn then (red ink is runn out – NB. DIaCnAdSrTeRaO) th@ their
wives & chldrn & nnocent rl@vs should b mrdrd (eg x bein burnt live) peopl would hav sed they wer
homcidel MONSTERS. But I do not hear any1 sayn now th@ they dzerv or hav dzervd 2 b evn slghtly
punishd (1/11. 0 of this iz 2 deny th 2nd law of tribes whch iz th@ if sum mmbrs of nuthr tribe kill sum
mmbrs of yor tribe u kill az many mmbrs of th uthr tribe (100,000+ so far in iraq) az ntrn@ionl pinion
llowz u 2 get way wth. Th 1st law of tribes iz th@ yor tribe iz lwayz rght (& nobl) & th uthr tribe iz lwayz
rong (& evil))…. (I m so tired)…. 2day wthout konsultn me Taurius took me 2 c his workm8
ŠdNaInUaTsĖ hoo woz a partzan @ 15 (till hiz fathr 4cd him 2 leav th unit) & both of hooz parnts wer
killd x STRIBAI (c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p4) & hoo brought out 00s of fotos he had kllektd from rchives (& he
lso took many himslf) most of whch wer of CORPSES of th kind I had cn @ litho haus in Errol st Melb.
(c ‘ September 20/21’ p 6&7) whch had upset me so much. He gave me writtn m@rial & I promisd 2
pass it & th fotos → th libery @ litho haus so any1 kan c what they went thrgh & kontakt him if they
want mor koz he mounts xbtions of this m@rial & it seems 2 me rlivs gain & gain 1 of th most futile
(but they thght th yanks & th brits wer goin 2 help out (8/11. they had sed th-ey would & had urged
thm on) but they wer sold out & 2 make up 4 th sellout (Taurius rekns) th yanks spportd their dzire 2
ntr NATO this time O) wars of all time. He haz a ‡ (c ‘Šiauliai’ p2) & komplains th@ th peopl hoo run
th ffcial litho gencide centr dont dzerv th job koz they ddnt xprience th real thing. Like a true nthuziast
8
he seems 2 hav known very1 (20,000 died) & of very1 & mayb hiz life iz ddk8d 2 keepn their mmry
live. He sez th ruskies kkuzed thm of havn prtcip8d in killn th jws but he had not met a singl man hoo
had bkoz th 1s hoo did (he sed) had all gon west wth th germn units & 2 places like USA, canada,
australia, brazil etc. But I hav had nuff of CORPSES & very1 1ts me 2 c theirs & it woznt th way I
wantd to start this day of all dayz. Then Taurius took me → Dukšu Ažuolynas whr th oaks r sick or
dyin & then → Kernave th 1st site from whr lithol& woz ruled x Mindaugas th bloodthirsty duke hoo
woz their 1st king. A nun startd telln us th dtaild histry of th place & I mbarrssd Taurius x wa-lkn out of
th chrch az I kouldnt st& th earbashn nymor. My rudeness had a good ffekt az it konvinced him I really
meant it whn I sed I wantd ‘home’ az soon az possbl bkoz I needd time 2 write not sghtc (I m nevr
short of m@rial bkoz what I need kums → me not me → it) & I woz BUGGERD. It woz a bit sad 2 nd
my kontakt wth him prhaps 4eva in such a way. I 4got 2 put in ystrdy th@ on th way 2 Rimas place I
sor th Naminis Žvirblis (house sparrow) (Passer domesticus) & Karklažvirblis (whch iz lso in oz)
(Passer montanus) 2gethr x th Neris rvr. 2day @ Kernave I sor a Paprastoji Raudonuodegė (Ph-
oenicurus phoenicurus) …. Strange. Peopl 1t me 2 get on wth it & b a so happy 2rst & rmmbr th ds-
tnt past most of whch is BULLDUST (they say Ukmergė iz so so old but they dont tell me nearly very1
in it iz so so new) but @ th same time they 1t me 2 b an MNESIAK so I wouldnt rmmbr th@ thoz hoo
livd & workd here in my lifetime wer herdd → this 2 ‫ ٱ‬b → outside th city 2 b shot. & givn th slghtst
pprtunity they earbash me O it evn in chrchs (esp in chrchs kum 2 think of it) so thr iz az littl az possbl
chance th@ I would rflekt on the main legacy of Vilnius whch iz th@ th old town iz built on th procee-
ds of th most horrfk krime of th modrn era (writtn in Žydu g. (drektly † from my sual eatn spot in Gao-
no g.) 56 steps (paced it out) from whr th Gaon of Vilnius 1ce livd & wrote kommnts in th mrgins of
many books) .… Went 2 th Aušros Vartai wth th ntntion of goin ↑ steps on me knees 2 sk th vrgin ma-
ry 4 a prtklar favour (met th strip klub tout long th way) but I woz 2 l8 & it woz klozed. Howvr I hav ma-
de th rquest in good faith & if it iz not grntd I will know it duznt work (4 me @ least). TŽaIuŽrYiSus told
me a good sayn x a relo of hiz : “Valgyk lašinius, kalbėk lietuviškai, ir būsi sveikas”(1/11. but he
haz a krook ♥ & had trubl walkn any dstnce & not @ all ↑ slopes). 2004 Liepos 27d (antradienis). I
should hav rmmbrd ystrdy 2 put in th@ strght ftr ŠdNaInUaTsĖ finshd showin th fotos (ddnt let him
get on2 th theme of dzigns of ndrgO bunkrs or kcept a large bundl of llustr8ns 2 take → Melb) Taurius
sed th nxt place I sspoze youd b ntrstd 2 → iz th gravesite of Saulius (ŽIŽYS (ncidntlly Taurius ddnt
know hiz kuzn Juozas (c ‘Šiauliai’) spells hiz name ŽIŽIS)) hiz bruthr & hoo he sed would hav liked 2
hav met me (w had krrspondd 4 while). Like most cemtries (but nlike th 1 in Šiauliai) th graves r kare-
fully 10dd & thr iz a O ndustry of flowr & kandl sellrs out frunt katerin 4 a steady stream of peopl kumn
2 pay their rspekts. Th mmry of th dead (az I sed they r mor recent here) iz of large sgnfkance & th pr-
duktion of PAMINKLAI (esp 4 gravesites) 1 of th main ndustries. Taurius bought 2 kandls & az w ka-
me 2 th gravesite he sed “nu, Sauliau, Iv brought u your cousin from australia 4 a visit” then
he †d (I know he notic-ed I ddnt koz he l8r skd me if I woz a blievr & if my fathr had bn 1 & I told him
Id viztd mor chrchs in Vilnius in a week than in 30 years in oz & I kould not b konsidrd an rthdox blievr
but my fathr woz @ th nd (thgh nvr torkd O it (my mum told me))) himslf & lit th kandls. Ftr a brief
silence he †d himslf gain & waitd 2 c if I would (whn faced wth such klose skrutiny I kouldnt bring
myslf 2 b hypkritkl) & whn I ddnt he sed lets go now. I mfasize it bkoz I hav bn kkused of bein xsivly
prkkupied wth th past but x komprsn wth th lokl kult of th dead I m a novice …. Th ntrduktry notice @
th jwsh mzeum sed w shou-ld rmmbr what happnd so az 2 b abl 2 prvnt it happnn gain. I doubt if it
works th@ way. Th ppsit rzult iz th mor likely. I gree wth thoz hoo say it iz bettr 2 4get so az 2 get on
wth life (turnn → PMINKLAI may help 4get). A preokkp8n wth death may make it eazier 2 kcept mor
of it esp th@ of uthrz & 2 ve-nge. It would b healthier 4 me 2 4get & Id b bettr kumpny. It just happns I
m nabl 2. Praps Im snstiv 2 ghosts (Brigita woz snstiv 2 th tmospher on th SENKAPIS (c ‘→ (no.1)’
p2) whr I felt 0 but sh ddnt rm-ark on nythn in th ‘old towns’ of Kaunas & Vilnius whr ntire kommnties
wer rcently dstroyd) thgh prob-bly not. 1 of th 4mr ownrs of our Ivanhoe haus kmittd suicide x gassn
himslf wth karbn mnoxide in hiz kar & it duznt bothr me @ all. In Miller st Nth Melb sum1 rote on a
haus 4 sale a murdr had bn kmmit-td thr & it woz hauntd. If th price had bn low nuff I kould hav
bought it (2/11. (Melbourne Cup Day; ‘tu-esday poets’ (AXLE) meet (3/11. rode thr in pourn rain & no1
9
woz thr – think it may b th nd 4 th vzual (5/11. I take th pportunity 2 thank FltGoAnLyLO) poets);
‘Make It Up Club’) ghosts kan b xorcized x → on plgrmages, ritual, & offrn sakrfices). But what if it
had bn a haus whr chldrn had bn mrdrd or lso to-rturd (eg x Myra Hindley & her partnr)? What O if all
th chldrn in a ‫ ٱ‬of fl@s & their muthrs & gr&fath-rs had bn mrdrd in th most horribl & prtraktd way?
Would u x a unit in it? Lithol& iz like such a haus & th ghosts here hav not bn laid 2 rest. I dont think I
kould x a place in th old town of Vilnius mung th r-cent dead. I kanot c how I kould b happy wthout
nsultn thm. 2 b abl 2 liv here u hav 2 kloze off large sektions of your mmry & if I did I would hav 2 b a
diffrnt persn – a vakuous kind of persn…. Im → 2w-ards th nd of my stay in lithol& & doin silly things.
Gave a tip of 4 Lt 2 a buskr hoo playz th rkordr az well az it kan b playd. Bought a rus red beer 4 8 Lt
& it woz no bettr than any rdnry litho red beer 4 3 Lt. Sor Vaidas & a guy he iz x-n stuff from → past &
w greed 2 go 2 Rimeisiai 2mrrow (→ from here 2-3 pm & Id ← x bus) 2 finsh off th BOBA & I want 2
sumhow symbolkly kut my ties wth UKMERGĖ (11/11. but I had lready dun th@ wthout realizin whn w
put th note in th BOBAs head (c p2)). Th BAR-AS I woz eatn @ charged x 3, 4 verythn & I 8 ‘Tikri
karaimu kibinai su agurkais’ (‘Real Karaim Kibin wth kukumbr’) @ 8 Lt or E 2.32. I would hav got mor
4 th muny in Melb. Th guy wth Vaidas sez thr iz a story th@ in th 17th cent a swedsh soldier slashd th
pik of th vrgin mary @ AUŠROS VARTAI & wo-z struk dead x lghtnn. Th@ woz th start of its rput8n
4 bein mirklous (but whn they rstord th pik l8-r thr woz no sgn of th slash mark (he sed)). I spent
th middl part of th day (11-6) prtkulrly pleazntly bein shown O x Rasa. Sh took me 2 th Belmonto
kriokliai whr a large 2rst dvlpmnt nkludes an mit8n MALŪNAS but th sOn 4st iz @raktiv. Sh told me
how whn our gr&muthr Adolfina (maidn famly name : LEMEŽYTĖ) had th stroke from whch sh died l8r
th 1st day ftrwdz sh spoke mainly in yiddsh O how sh had saved a set of kittns (bein brought up x a
bitch) ← burnn haus (in a yard whr all th hauses wer joi-nd & 1 burnn haus kould set thm all light) in
Tryškiai (2/11. c top left of kuvr map of ‘Šiauliai’. Th → ndk8s th@ th jws of th town wer → ghetto in
Žagarė (8/11. take note EeWaErRlS)) & got out just b4 th roof fell in. Adolfina hoo woz not jwsh (2/11
they wer mrdrd in Žagarė in th masskr of 2/10/41 (c ‘3/-4/04-12/4/04’ p12) az dskribed x rZoWsIe in
‘Last Walk in Naryshkin Park’ Spinifex Press © 1997 IS-BN 187559828) had grown up in a jwsh ¼ &
th story shows how th past is not lost & kan b xpozed. Rasa had a born-gain xprience 4 years ago
& w torkd O what w do whn w pray (make ourslvs small (2/11. hence lso plgrmage, rtual, & skrficial
offrnns)?). Then sh took me 2 a 4st kalld Kalvarija (calv-ary) whr sum peopl do th st8ns of th † on
their knees. Then → beautful lake of green watr a few ks from th centr (geografik 2/11. c kuvr map of
‘→ (no 2)’ whr it iz markd az “EUROPOS VIDURYS”)) of urop. On the way back → Kalvarijos g. w
passd thrgh Jeruzalės rajona (‫ )ٱ‬whch iz spposed 2 hav good vibes so thr r hlth kliniks thr. Sh sed in
choozn a spot whr 2 build a chrch they oftn check 4 th spot wth th best vibes. Sh sez litho kathliks r
spcially dvoted 2 th kult of th blessd vrgin mary. Sh gave me LAUKTUVES 2 bring back to Melb whch
nkluded a CD of litho bird kalls & a book of poems in frn-ch & litho x a wmn hoo like me had left az a
small chld & kame back (2 Vilnius). 2004 Liepos 28d (tr-ečiadienis). 2 komplet th meta4 of th haus
whr sum1 haz bn mrdrd u would hav 2 b talkn O viktms hoo had bn th ownrs of th haus & hooz srvivin
rl@vs (if they hav any) kkuse your rl@vs (howvr dstant (2/11. but prhaps klose (5/11. th
Zuroff/Wiezenthal rgniz8n sends lists (6/11. az th passn of years ma-ke it mpssbl 2 proov guilt or
dfend gainst fals kkuz8n or smear they get longr) of names 4 oz guvt → nvstg8))) of havn takn part in
th mrdrs. Would u want 2 liv in such a haus? Last nght woz nuthr bad 1 & @ 4.40 a kar larm went off
gain outside my wndow, thn stoppd, thn startd up gain, so I got up xpek-tn 2 c th ownrs kum out but
nstead sor th kar thief (4th break in I know of in th mdi8 vcinity of Latako 2 while Iv bn here) headn off
klutchn sumthn 2 hiz chest. Th ownrs, 3 yng peopl, ddnt kum out 4 nuthr 20 mins while th larm
whined, stoppd briefly, then startd gain. I think my nghbr (th kraut) mght hav fin-shd hiz toiltries (he
takes 4eva) so Ill go & do mine…. Hez gon wth his toothpaste & soap & littl bottls of stuff & left
verythn vry tidy. Mayb he had it wth th kar larms goin off. Im sorry 2 c him gon az he we-nt 2 bed early
& woz quiet & I dont know hoo Ill get 4 2nght whch iz a portnt 1 4 me az I ntnd 2 uze drugs. Outside
th wndow they r dskussn how th thief got → yard so az I go out 4 a salad breakfst Ill tell Bronius whch
way he went…. Strolld O in a medt@iv mood. Here r sum poems from th beautfully prduced booklt
givn 2 me (3/11. whch I gave 2 K8) x Rasa. It iz titld ‘Carnets de Vilnius’ x Anelė Kerš-ytė-Josadė –
10
textes / tekstai // Arūnas Baltėnas – photographie / nuotraukos // Izaokas Zibucas – mi-se en page /
maketas. © 2002 R. Paknio leidykla. ISBN 9986-830-74-5. ‘Vilniaus užrašai’. Both th frn-ch & litho
vrzions of th poems r x th authr. “Il s’est passé quelque chose. Quelque chose a changé. / Et
tout est si pareil … (Kažkas atsitiko, kažkas pasikeitė. Ir viskas taip panašu ..)” & “Des mots
que tu ai tant cherchés, les plus beaux, les plus justes, / des mots qui changeraient le
monde / qui le réinventeraient …/ Tu les trouves par hazard, au tournant d’une rue. / …
Et à nouveau tu les oblies. (Patys svarbiausi žodžiai, galintys vi-ska pkeisti, / apversti pasauli,
sukurti ji iš naujo … / Juos atrandi netikėtai, eidamas gatve. / … Ir vėl užmiršti.)” & “La pluie, le
vent, le froid. Et ce n’est pas parce qu’on est triste. / L’automne est là, par l’obstination
de novembre / nous rappelant à la réalité. // L’irreal m’attire en propageant ses
promesses. / J’écris – l’automne – pour me rep-érer dans l’espace / et dans le temps.
(Prasidėjo lietus, šalta, vėjas. Ruduo, / kurio jau ne-bereikia sugalvoti, / jis taip smelkiasi,
stingdo. / Man patinka rudens migloje skendintis miestas - / atitoles, pusiau nerealus. Bet aš
sakau – ruduo, / kad galėčiau save kažkur padėti, apibrežti lai-ke ir erdvėj.)” (Vaidas turnd up but
I ddnt hav th nergy (rain haz set in) 2 spnd 5 hours goin 2 Ukmer-gė & ← etc so w went 2 th Užupio
kavine x th Vilnia whr I had a beer wth a smoked herrn snak whch woz dlcious) Her poems xprss well
how words nail down sk@rd mprssions (but its takn me 50-60,000 (2/11. mor like 80-90,000) of thm &
peopl ask az if u kan (pissn down) turn it → 4 or 5 brief st8mnts or they ask how did u like it? or will u
kum back? whch I kant nswr ( 5/11. I say if I woz th sort of persn hoo kan giv an nswr in a few sntnces
I wldnt b th persn hoo duz all this writin) @ all) @ th kost of sm-plfyin thm. Sor a plaque (u get lots of
thez) sayn Gabrielis Landsbergis Žemkalnis (a relo of KAaRlA-gZiIsJA (2/11. c ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ p12))
Lietuvos Dramaturgas Gyveno (livd) Šiame (in this) Name (ha-us) 1905-1966 MM. I know relos of hiz
in Melbourne. @ no 25 Vilniaus g. whr Labdariu g. ntrs it thr iz a buildn whch haz bn kopied xaktly xpt
⅓ smallr in Chapel st St Kilda in Melbourne. Now Iv fotografd both. It woz a grey day & I nly had a
200 ASA film in th kamra so time & gain found I kouldnt take th piks I wantd on th autm@k settn whch
iz th nly 1 I know how 2 uze. Th kinds of drelikt rcesss & krum-bln walls I 1td 2 foto r dark on a grey
day. 8 a vry tasty meal 4 5 Lt ($2.50) @ an rdnry eatry near th Chapel st buildn. Bought a CD of
Danielius Dolskis (sum1 rfrrd 2 him as th ŽYDUKAS (2/11 Eidintas dskusss th term in hiz book))
1929-31 rkordns (c ‘→ (no 2)’ p3). 1 of th post kards Rasa gave me kou-ld make a gr8 kuvr 4 ‘Vilnius
→ Melbourne’ (2/11. uzed it 4 ‘Vilnius (no 2)’ nsted). Its a fotografd sce-ne of th ‫ ٱ‬I m near @ th nd of
th 19th cent. titld ‘Vilna – Place du Théâtre’ …. Woz thinkn of Meilutės dfnition of a SIELA (soul) : th@
it iz what iz left ovr ftr th body iz gon & I thght here it iz sually a PAM-INKLAS, or if not it iz food 4
worms, or if u burn it up it iz th ASHS (& smoke), or it iz your mmry (bk-oz a mmry kanot but b a
part of th thing w rmmbr since uthrwize it kouldnt hav bn 4md) or se-ns (Rasa sed Meilutė sed 4
sum years sh felt th przence of Vytenis @ times) of or a dream (same az 4 mmry) of th persn hoo
iz gon (& so w r joind (a huge flok of krows (mix of Kovas (Corvus frugi-legus) & of Kuosa (Corvus
monedula)), 000s (8/11. mayb 10s of 000s. Iv nvr cn so many) of thm, haz flown ovr old town th last
3 evnns & iz vrhead now (6.20 pm)) wth thm & they r thrgh us wth very1 els w r joind wth) in
body. I would hav liked 2 dskuss it wth th Great Gaon of Vilnius, Elijah ben Shlomo Zalman (& mayb
nvited Wittgenstein long 2 b a silent wtness) 4 I sspekt w may hav fou-nd a kommn lnguage & az yet I
havnt met ny1 els here (5/11. or nywhr) hoo I think mght ndrst&. 2004 Liepos 29d. (ketvirtadienis).
My last day in Vilnius, lithol&, EUROPA. Ystrdy evenn I dskuvrd a kav-ine in Gedimino pr. whr I woz
abl 2 drink th gr8 beer (7%) kalld Kunigaikščiu whch I had bn drinkn in Šiauliai. It leavs th 8 Lt/glass
russian beer I had bn torkd in2 x-n far bhind 4 taste. I drank it wth a side dish of SILKĖS (pikld herrn)
whch seemd a perfkt kombn8n. Iv lost my ppetite 4 fried bread & garlk az a beer ppertizer. I noddd a
hello 2 th pimp (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p1) az he → x. On th way back †n th Arkikat-edra ‫ ٱ‬I woz sOd x a group
of cheery girls in frilly kostumes hoo nsistd on takn shots of me wth me rms O a kupl of thm – they
wer out on a MERGVAKARIS (hens nght). Things change. @ th start of th trip verythn seemd so
drmatk & defnit & it woz eazy 2 make kommnts, draw nfrnces, & st8 knklusions (oftn nkorrekt). Th
less u know th mor klearly u c bkoz what u r seeng r th DIFFRENCES. 1ce th ntial shok iz bzorbd az
11
iz th kase wth me now th kontours bkum ndstinkt, mprssions sk@rd, & u start dealn wth th large
pieces whch w share in kommn & verythn bkums vague gain – th mor u know th less u know. Only
1 thing haz rmaind konstnt – ČEPKELIU TRAUKTINĖ. It iz a good drop & Im takn 1½ bottls of it ←
Melbourn (lso goin 2 take a flask of it 4 Moscow airprt whr w r goin 2 spnd 11+ hours). This mornn b4
evn gettn dressd I spnt sevrl hours skim readn ‘Jews, Lithuanians and the Holocaust’ x Alfonsas
Eidintas (c ‘Vilnius (no 1)’ p4). I would rathr not hav 2 read it prprly & nsted don8 it 2 th litho libery @
litho haus in Errol st strght way whn I get back but I feel blig8d. Th bnefit of havn read it 2gthr wth
havn dun th trip 2 lithol& iz (I hope & feel certain will b th kase) I will finally b abl 2 lay th ssue as-ide.
Th book iz klearly authortiv, horrifik & spcifik (but I ddnt c mntion of Ukmergė) in dtail & its nalises
strike me az balanced. I feel I owe it 2 th viktms 2 know @ least this much b4 I dcide 2 avrt my gaze
(2/11. “if you look long into an abyss, the abyss will look back into you” – Nietzsche). Lso it
will make it eazier not 2 put up wth sum of th nnsens I m kkassionlly sbjektd 2 x self ppointd histrians.
If I will hav sukceedd in lightnn my load th trip 2 lithol& will hav bn mor than worthwhile. In th nd what
kounts 4 me r frendshps not tribl lignmnts & I would like 2 prsue my soterik ntrsts wth their help. Like
sum kind of pilgrm I find hurdls (but prhaps they r sgnposts or st8ns) long th way → bskure dstn8n
(death?). I want 2 travl light …. Changed most of my rmainn Lts → euros. Bought film 2 take a few
mor piks. Bought nuthr of th Danielius Dolskis CDs koz I thght Alec D mght like it. Went 2 Gedimino
pr. 4 a finl O of Kunigaikščiu su (wth) silke. Bought nuthr flask of Čepkeliu 4 th Moscow airprt. Thr iz
no way wthout a good knwld-ge of th lnguage I kould hav voidd bein a 2rst but th flip side iz I kant
void bein a relo & 4 both th main thing th@ happns iz u kan b xpozed 2 tribl rkruitmnt (& slf prmotion)
or th dzire of th lokls 2 przent tribl @rbutes & rgistr your reaktions 2 thm or duk8 u in thm. Thr iz no
way out of th bind bkoz of th limt8ns mpozed x time & 2+ munths iz nuthn whn it kums 2 learnn (or
nlearnn) th things whch m@r. Ftr all it haz takn me a lifetime in ozziel& 2 nlearn what kounts. What u
learn r th dffrnces, what m@rs iz lrea-dy shared. Tribalzm iz fed x nsekurties & fear (th@s why thr r
so many flags here) & nly th ntmacy & trust (wth good n10tions & oftn tstd) whch kums wth long &
true frndshps iz what I seek whch means it iz not ncessry 4 me 2 kum back xpt merely 4 ntrtainmnt
whch znt lackn in my life. Morovr though th main nfluences on me az a persn hoo writes r ropean
(kceptn Borges) nun of thm r from here & all my readn iz in nglsh. Thr r peopl hoom I would hav liked
2 get 2 know bettr (esp Rasa K & Juozas Ž) but our Ostances will nevr llow it evn if I did ← 4 rglar
vizts. (m w@chn beautful wmn → & m O 2 ordr nut-hr O of Kunigaikščiu & silke). But if I knew I kould
spnd a good deal of my time → 4sts I kould b nticed 2 ←. Or if H wantd 2 kum. (the pimp waved) Its
5.20 & Im due @ th Kabailas @ 6 & Vaidas will pik me up back here @ 4 am…. Its 11.55 & Iv just had
a beer @ th Tiffany Pub 2 wind down from bein wth th Kabailas. I wont → dtails bkoz I want 2 get a
few hours shut-eye xpt 2 say th@ on th way I met ŠAjLuArKiIjN (th muzikian wth DUENDE) gain &
whn I told Rasa th@ he had kum here from Grozny sh gave me th words of th ČEČĖNU (2/11.
chechnian) HIMNAS in litho (vertė (transl8d x) Sigitas Ge-da) : MIRTIS ARBA LAISVĖ.
“ATSIRADOM KAI VILKEI VILKIUKAI ĖMĖ INKŠTI PRIE KO-JU / MUMS PARINKO
VARDUS AUŠTANT RYTUI KAI LIŪTAS RIAUMOJO / MUS ERELIU LIZDUOS MŪSU
MOTINOS ŠVELNIOS MAITINO / O TĖVAI – GIRIU JAUČIUS SUTRA-MDYT MOKINO //
GREIČIAU UOLOS GRANITO IMS TIRPTI KAIP LYDOMAS ŠVINAS / NEI PRARASIM
KOVOJ SAVO PRIGIMTI KILNIA BENT VIENAS / GREIČIAU ŽEMĖ IŠ KAR-ŠČIO IMS
SKELDĖT BE ŽADO / NEGU MES PO ŽEME ATSIGULSIME GARBE PRARADE // NIEKAD,
NIEKAM NELENKTI GALVOS - DUODAM PRIESAIKA ŠVENTA / ARBA MIRT, ARBA
LAISVĖJ GYVENTI MUMS LEMTA / MŪSU SESĖS DAINOM BROLIU KRUVINA ŽAIZDA IŠ-
GYDO / MŪSU MYLINČIOS MOTERYS MUS IŠLYDI I ŽYGI // JEI MARINS MUS BADU –
MEDŽIO ŠAKNI MES IMSIME GRAUŽTI / JEI NEDUOS MUMS VANDENS – ŽOLIU RASA
MES IMSIME GERTI / ATSIRADOM, KAI VILKEI VILKIUKAI ĖMĖ INKŠTI PRIE KOJU /
TAUTAI, TĖVYNEI, DIEVUI – MES SAVO GYVYBE AUKOJAM.” U got 2 dmit its a great n@ionl
nthm - & look whr its got thm! 2004 Liepos 30d (Penktadienis). 6.00. Vilniaus airprt, in th bar. Our
12
flght (Aeroflot) whch woz due 2 dpart @ 6.20 iz dlayd. Stim8d new time iz 7.30. I woz up wthout havn
slept @ 3.40 & woz gettn nxious x 4.10 (rang Vaido home @ 4.30 & hiz dad sed he had left less than
an hour earlier) & dcided wth th door lady (1ce gain sh launchd → a huge gripe sayn how much bettr
& safer it woz & how th guvt woz mor karin in soviet times) I would O a taksi (litho spelln) @ 5 if he
ddnt rrive x then (aksidnt? pulld ovr x kops?) but he (Saulius woz drivn) (they just nnounced our flght
iz l8 due 2 bad weathr kndtions in Moscow) got thr @ 4.45. Ncdntlly a propos my nfo from th jwsh mz-
eum th@ most of Ukmergės jws wer burnt live in th synagog, whch Vaidas had thght mpossbl, hiz
dad rmmbrs @ least 2 synagogs @ sites w had walkd past but w had not cn any ndk8n of their 4mr
przence. He sez thr wer O 10,000 peopl prwar & he duznt think 70% wer jwsh & th@ thr woz a size-
abl polsh ppl8n (whch I just sggstd 2 V may hav bn jwsh). In my skim readn of th Eidintas bk I sor no
mntion of Ukmergė uthr than th map whch showd it woz 1 of th majr xtrmn8n centrs & it shows 2 (3/-
11. but I woz lso in Siesikai & Dubingiai) of th townshps I had spent time in (Želva, Šašuoliai) wer pla-
ces from whch jws wer takn → Ukmergė. Vaidas just rmmbrd th@ in soviet dayz th street whr th main
synagog had stood woz named VLADO ŽVIRBLIO (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’ p8) g-vė (5/11 but now
(& b4 th 2nd war) it iz Slabados g-vė) ftr his nkl hooz PAMINKLAS (& a woodn †) still st&s near Mieg-
učiai kaimas (vllage) O 3ks from whr I had bn stayn @ th VIENKIEMIS (c ‘→ (no 1)’ & ‘→ (no 2)’). Oh
yes, on a kompletly dffrnt m@r H sed whn I rang her ystrdy th@ th BOCADILLO whr w go very fridy
nght & I drink sangrias & dstrbute sevrl of my pieces haz bn sold (3/11. turnd → suvlaki shop) & Vict-
oria & Theo r goin 2 Paris 4 a year 2 learn 2 make chokl8s & 2nght they r havn a nght 4 their most
reglr kustmrs & H will b thr (3/11. but woznt)…. Left @ 8.00 on a litho airlines plane whch seats O 44
peopl & iz flyin @ O 480 ks/hr & will take 1 hr 50 mins 2 reach Moscow. This iz th 1st propllr drvn (x 2)
plane Iv bn on. W r low nuff 2 th gO 4 me 2 get a gr8 view on a fine day of th passn l&skape. In lithol&
thr wer lots of lakes & 4sts mung th kultv8d l&s. Th wine Im drinkn iz kalld Torres ‘Sangre de Toro’
Catalunya 13.5% vol Cosecha 2002. On the back it sez : “Sangre de Toro is a red wine made
from the ancient var-ieties Garnacha and Carinena. It is intensely coloured and oak aged,
with the aromatic body and fleshy (turblence) sensuality of ripe Mediterranean grapes.
The spicy and fruity palate is velvety, deep and round.” (kloud far blow iz bskurin view)-….
(fog)….(l&n)…. (dvanced w@ch x 1 hr; 19º C)….Wev bn sepr8d from our passprts : theyr down-
stairs while wev bn sent upstairs. Dont like it, thr r a lot of peopl here – how will they find us? (11.15
am) …. Sh found us & sent us 2 nuthr ‫ ٱ‬downstairs whr thr r 2 uthr guys both lithos : 1 iz goin 2 Tok-
yo & uthr jap cities 4 an ntn@ionl knfrnce. A frnch grl just kame down th stairs pretty git8d O bein sep-
r8d from her passprt. Sh kant speak rus. W r @ a tabl wth th guy → anti-nukulr knfrnce (th uthr guy
works wth 7 lithos in rstrants in china) & wv just paid 4 euros each / stubby & hav workd out wv bn
cheatd 1 euro / stubby but I wont xplain how its dun xpt th@ u kant void it. Its like a sauna in here & Iv
swtchd → my short sleev shirt but m sweatn like a pig. Th guy wer wth, JgAeNdČiAmUiSnKaAsS, iz
th drektr of th litho Černobylis ssoci8n. W hav 2 wait 4 nnouncemnts @ 5 pm 2 know whr 2 go nxt.
Gediminas sez th guid hoo showd him O Chernobyl hooz name woz Rima woz nknamed x thm az Ri-
ma Stalker ftr th TAaRnKdOrVeSiKI film ‘Stalker’ (c ‘ 3/14/04-12/4/04’ p4 & 6). V (5/11. hoo had dun
hiz srvice in a unit whch woz so so sekret it ddnt hav a name (c ‘→ (no 2)’ p12 & 13) & whn he woz
dscharged he had 2 sgn a ppr promisn he wldnt leav th cuntry 4 10 yrs but then th soviet union broke
up & th O of lithol& left) & G r talkn O their xpriences in th soviet rmy & how G got out of bein railroa-
dd → aphganistana x a fluke koz hiz unit dsprsd & went off 2 x grog just b4 th ffcers rrived hoo grab-
bd th ssmbld units of new rkruits 4 th war. W r in Sheremetyevo 2 Terminal (c ‘Melbourne → Kaunas’)
whr wv bn ferried → x a sprheatd bus † a rmarkbly long dstance ← uthr nd (mayb 6ks or mor) of th
airprt ← Sheremetyevo Terminal 1. Th 4th litho haz teamd up wth us & he haz no muny @ all. He wor-
ks az a doorman in a town 100ks from Hong Kong & hiz name iz Vidmantas. Hes from Šiauliai (c ‘Šia-
uliai’). He rekns he found chinese food awfl @ 1st & still kan barely tolr8 it. He looks like a Šiaulietis
(from Šiauliai) 2 ie. ruff. I paid 1 euro / kan @ th duty free shop 4 a beer kalled BALTIKA (litho fonetik
rus) & got 1 4 him 2. W just got a female airprt kop 2 take a dgital pik of us wth Gedimino kamra & he-
ll send it 2 Vs e-mail in a few weeks (8/11. ddnt)…. Went 2 th toilt & hav had a lessn I learnt in Ukme-
rgė rn4cd (c ‘→ (no 1)’ p1) : bring your own ppr whn u go 2 th toilt in Moscow airprt – but no worries Iv
13
lwayz got th nd of a roll in me pockt. V haz kum back wth nuthr 4 kans of BALTIKA. He sez verythn in
th fridge kosts 1 euro. I notice a 2 euro koin looks & feels lmost th same az a 2 Lt koin….Me, Vaidas
(in bare feet), & Vidmantas fell ‘asleep’ gainst th wall on th 2nd floor. Whn V went 2 th toilt I w@chd th
gear & he w@chd it whn I went (m O 2 head off gain). Then G ‘woke’ us up 4 a futile trip 2 a valgykla
(eatry) whr he thght thr may b free food 4 tranzt travllrs but he woz rong (I knew he would b). Now wr
back gainst th wall. U kouldnt do this in Narita or Melbourne. Vidmantas works 9 hrs / day @ th hotl
(thr r nnouncemnts ovr th PA very 30 seks ntrjuiced x a 3 note chime) in kinia (china), 6 days / week 4
$700 US / munth. Livn kosts r lmost nil. Thr iz a guy near x in a † leggd pztion wth a guitr nxt 2 him – I
think he iz medt8n. ‘Sleepn’ on cemnt iznt so bad really…. On th way → lithol& I woz writn O th peopl
sleepn on th floor & on th way ← Im sleepn on th gO wth em. (7.10 pm) It means Iv bn changed a bit.
Thr r 3 of us left az Gediminas cght hiz flght 2 Tokyo 1½ hrs ago. If u dont hav a w@ch its not so eaz-
y 2 check th time here az I havnt cn any kloks. Vidma
ntas kums from a famly of 7 kids. He haz a bru-thr in ngl& & 2 sstrs r workn in denmark. Hez just
spent a munth in Šiauliai but missd seein hiz bruthr x 1 day az he had 2 rturn 2 ngl& th day b4
Vidmantas got home. Now he may not b bak in lithol& 4 a year. He haz finshd middl levl skool &
would like 2 liv in Vilnius & study komputrs. W havnt eatn @ th airprt az its not worth lettn peopl rob u
like this…. Wer on th plane & Im sittn nxt 2 a vry beautful grl hoo iz of bulgrian rgin mrried 2 a chinese
& teachs kndrgrtn nglsh 2 kids hoo learn th lfabet @ 3 & st-art writn in nglsh @ 3½. Very yr sum kids
in Hong Kong kmmit suicide bkoz they get poor rzults. In Annies skool 3 yr old kids r 4mlly assssd 2ce
/yr. Wer off @ 9.40 (fficial dpartur time woz 8.05). I think sh iz vry dprssd…. Hong Kong . W r in a
fancy bar lookn out ovr airprt, ocean, & isl&s. Time : 12.10-pm. Changed 20 euros → $173.4 HK.
Vaidas haz xlld himslf gain : wv paid $42 / bottl (330ml) of Ste-lla Artois koz V ddnt want 2 lug hiz bag
O nymor. W partd wth Vidmantas wthout a good-x. I noticed on th plane he woz knversn wth hiz
chinese nghbr. V sez he sed he speaks bettr chinese than nglsh. I think of him az a prvncial litho kid
but really hez bn O far mor than me – yes! I really m th naiv austr-alian. (Vaidas haz just wrkd out this
iz our rkord beer price). I think hell b OK. Annie (her fathr iz dead; muthr & sstr liv in Sofia; sstr works
az a bar grl but haz a konomiks dgree; her muthr haz not cn her gr&chldrn snce theyv bn in china; sh
livs wth her nlaws hoo speak mandarin; her fathr in law iz a very fine & gentl man hoo (& her muthr in
law) suffrd badly in th kltural O; sh iz kumn home ftr a 2 week vz-it 2 bulgria; sh haz few friends 2 talk
2 outside th mmedi8 famly; sh sends muny 2 her muthr & sstr; her husb& iz a minor xkutiv; theyd like
2 kum 2 oz but r fraid they mghtnt find work; sh finds life hard but haz no time 4 nostalgia koz shez
lwayz beezee) cheerd up & turnd out 2 b an xllnt nghbr. Iv learnt th@ yoghurt kums from bulgria koz
th bacillus rgin8s thr & 2 bulgar skolrs nvntd th cyrillik skript. I took 10mgs of temazepam & 5 of
valium washd down wth sum Čepkeliu (Vidmantas rekons they mght ste-al th 1½ bottls ← me
luggage whn it → thrgh Maskva (Moscow)) I had brought 4 th perpz but mstime-d things az it givz me
7 hrs sleep but I ddnt realize theyd wake us up 4 breakfst ftr nly 5 hrs a full 2 hrs b4 l&n time. Oh yes
its 2004 Liepos 31d (šeštadienis). & its 30º C outside but u wldnt know it in this supr-doopr huge
rkndtiond airprt…. W r in a centrl lok8n & V haz gon 2 c if he kan find a duty free shop whr u kan get a
stubby from a fridge az w did in Maskva. Th kurious thing iz th@ in th nd I got 2 like Moscow airprt & if
I had 2 park in 1 4 a week its th 1 Id chooz. I liked th rag tag klientl & I kould le-arn 2 play chess or
kards on th floor & I dont kare if peopl step ovr me whn Im sleepn az long az my gear iz safe whch
means it helps 2 hav sum kmpanions. I rekn therd b a bettr chance of meetn up wth ntrstn peopl thr
than here. Dont know why w changed → Hong Kong $s az w kould hav uzed our visa kards. I rekn I
kould learn this kaper. V iz back & sez thr iz no beer @ th duty free shop…. 5.03pm. Altrn8d btween
drnkn beer & goin → toilt. Bought a kupl of beer snaks 4 $40 HK. Kountd up our last HK $s & had just
over 32 left so bought a beer 2 share btween us – spndn spree iz ovr, mght go 4 a nap on th krpet (th
ssntial dffrnce btween HK & Maskva) b4 → dparture lounge. Qantas here w kum. Rugpjutis 1d
(sekmadienis) 5.52am. Headn → Wagga Wagga. Dstance ← dparture 6972 ks. Ti-me 2 dstn8n
0.32 mns. Ltitude 10,972 m. GO speed 922ks / hr. Lokl time @ rgin 4.00am …. Fas-tn seat belts
→ Melbourne. (30/10. I think its ppropr8 2 nd (6/11. I thank th typst & point out I kanot say az
tWhOoLmFaEs did “I can always find plenty of women to sleep with, but the kind of
14
woman who is really hard for me to find is a typist who can read my writing”.)off wth a
song I heard @ The Make It Up Club on tuesdy 26/1/01. Sum1 had put it on btween sets & I dont
know whr its from. Part from th 1st & last verses th words r mine : O & O & O w → (x 3) / It wont b long
(x 2) // ↑ & ↓ & O O / ← & → w all → O / O & O & O w → / It wont b long (x2) // This way th@ way ↑ w
fly / Swingn ↓ & swingn ↑ / ↑ & ↑ then ↓ & ↓ / It wont b long (x 2) // Silvr Os & goldn Os / Thrgh starry
sky on shinin wings / O & O & O w → / It wont b long (x 2) // O & O & O w → (x 3) / It wont b long (x
2). If u want 2 hear th mlody Ill sing it 4 u & here it iz in rdnry nglsh 4 thoz hoo r vzually challnged :

Round & round & round we go (x 3)

It wont be long (x 2)

Up & down & round about

In & out we all go round
Round & round & round we go
It wont be long (x 2)

This way that way up we fly

Swinging low & swinging high
Up & up then down & down
It wont be long (x 2)

Silver wheels & golden rings

Through starry sky on shining wings
Round & round & round we go
It wont be long (x 2)

Round & round & round we go (x 3)

It wont be long (x 2)

15