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coming alongside your family

Hope Student Ministries

PARENT

Into 2014 We Go!

Geoff & Ross
Here we go! Can you believe that it is 2014 already? Seems like yesterday that we were just getting back from CDYC and getting ready for another school year! We are so excited for this semester and for some awesome things that are coming your way! Look for some new ways to connect with us, coming in February! Thanks for letting us partner with you to engage a generation of motivated students!

Hello Parents!

UPCOMING EVENTS
High School Super Bowl Party
On 02/02/14 from 6:00PM to 10:00PM
This is a high school only event and will have a ton of fun games, food, and a ton of friends! It is going to be a great opportunity for us to connect with one another and have a ton of fun!

Epic Weekend
On 02/28/14 at 8:30PM to 03/01/14 at 9:00PM
This is going to be an awesome time for all Junior High and High School students. More details are coming soon but this will be a great weekend of Worship, Service, and Fun! Details coming soon!

Killball Classic
On 03/01/14 from 3:30PM to 8:00PM
Killball is more than dodgeball. Teams compete for other prizes like Best Uniforms, Best Energy, Best Moves, and The BOOM Baby awards. This is going to be a ton of fun for all ages!

Parenting 17-year-olds Like 18-year-olds

By Jonathan McKee
The last 6 months Ive been conducting a little experiment; but, instead of using rats I used my daughter. No, I didnt cage her, send her through a maze and reward her with pellets. I did something a little more drastic in most conservative parenting circles: I freed her from all rules and restrictions at age 17. Some of our friends thought we were nuts, and at times we wondered. But we refrained from retightening our grip. This week my daughter turned 18, and Im absolutely fascinated with what Ive learned in the last year. For the last 6 months shes had the freedom to hang out with whoever she wants, go where she wants, and stay out as late as she wants (this sounds like a Miley Cyrus song). The results were amazing! Our theory was basically this: Start strict, and loosen up as our kids get older, eventually freeing them from all boundaries by age 17. We figured, they can do whatever they want when theyre 18 anyway, so why not get there six months early while theyre still under our shadow? (Doug Fields and I now teach this as a parenting workshop, based on our workbook.) Well, now my daughter is 18, so some of what was just theory has been truly tried and tested in my home. So I thought Id share with you some of our observations over the last few years: During the early toddler years, my kids didnt notice we were strict. They grew up learning, If they say it, they mean it! Any progress we made toward open communication and making them feel safe was thwarted by my angry outbursts, an overreaction to their mess-ups. I better not tell Dad, because hes just gonna flip out! As our kids grew into their teens, we had to be proactive and literally force ourselves to release the grip and let them make decisions instead of us making all the decisions for them. Dad, can I download Lady Gaga? No! I mean lets take a look at her lyrics and tell me your thoughts. By the time my daughter was 16 and then 17, we began letting her make big decisions, like, Can I go to the Homecoming Dance? Wed tell her, You make the decision, then lets talk about it and see how you think it turned out. By the time 17 came, no rules wasnt such a big deal. She had been making most decisions by herself by then anyway. She was actually in Uganda on a missions trip the day she turned 17. Once she was 17, she kept asking us permission to go places. I would always have to remind her, You can do whatever you think is best. Discussions with us were no longer about trying to convince us to give her permissionshe already had that. Now conversations were about what she was learning from her decisions, good and bad. I actually havent disagreed with any decision she made in the last 6 months. Now shes 18 and its really not much different around here. How about you? Are you preparing your kids for the day when they will have to think for themselves?

Be a Jesus Coach for Your Kids

By HomeWord.com
When I first began mountain biking, I quickly found it was not like the type of bike riding I did when I was a kid. Its not jump on the bike and ride all day. Its much different! There are so many moving parts like front and back sprockets, brake levers, and multiple shifting systems. Add to this the extreme terrain, and it gets very confusing. Today, I own most of the gear that is required for the sport. Basically, I have everything needed except forthe needed skills and the personal coaching. On a recent ride I began to think about how little I know about this sport. I really need a coach/mentor. I have so many technical questions. Im not always sure when is the best time to shift on different slopes. I have front shocks that need to be adjusted based on the terrain and I dont have the slightest idea what to do. My list of how to questions could fill pages. As I was riding and thinking about my need for a mountain bike coach/mentor, I began to think about the teenagers in our homes and the process of faith development. What are we doing with all their questions about following Christ? Do we even know the questions theyre asking (or not asking)? Or, do we assume theyll catch everything about Jesus as they begin their ride with him? Much like I need a riding coach, teenagers need a Jesus coach. While mountain biking is much more complex than jump on a bikeso following Jesus is much more complex than a simple go to church. Could it be that we, as parents, have become good at getting kids involved at churchbut were not so good at coaching them on how to walk with Jesus? I fear that if they dont know how to walk with Jesus, when they graduate from high school and go on to college and their adult lives, they will also graduate away from church and perhaps even Jesus. Some questions: (1) Do your kids know that you want to coach them in the ways of Jesus? (2) Do they know they can ask simple questions and have a confidence that you will care enough not to laugh at their questions? (3) Do they know that in you, they have someone to ride with even though they struggle and occasionally fall? Jesus spent most of his time with the few, pouring into their lives. I'd like to suggest that your "few" are living within the walls of your home. They dont need to be told to "go to church," they need you: a coaching, listening, loving, and caring you.

5 New Years Resolutions Your Family Can Live With

By HomeWord.com
Its been said that a New Years resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Maybe this is why many people dont participate in the annual ritual. One survey found that 55% of Americans either never or only infrequently set New Years resolutions and that only 8% of Americans are always successful in keeping their resolutions. With odds like that, why bother? So, what if we reset the resolutions bar at a reasonable height? It just might make a difference. With the right attitude going in, the following five just for today resolutions can help to get your familys 2014 off to a positive start. Whether you try one or all, these are resolutions that most everyone has a good shot of accomplishing something that your family can live with. As you succeed, you might even end up incorporating some of them into your family life and identity. Five Resolutions for 2014 # 1: Just for today, I resolve to pray. This doesnt have to be difficult. Sometime during the day, just say a short prayer. Thank God for something, or praise God for something, or tell God you love Him, or confess something to Him, or ask Him for something, or ask Him for something for someone other than yourself. # 2: Just for today, I resolve to say, I love you to someone. Its really not hard, and if you try, you really can find the moment it takes to say it, email it, text it, or show it. There are few sayings more powerful in the life of another than these three little words. # 3: Just for today, I resolve to appreciate the world around me. Take a moment or two to smell the roses, or look at the blue sky (or clouds, or rain, or snow, or ocean, mountains, trees you get the picture) and let the beauty of the world God created roll over you. # 4: Just for today, I resolve to read from the Bible. No length requirements and no reading plan here. Today, just take some moments to read something from Gods word. Whatever you do here, it will be good for your life and your soul (See Psalm 119:105). # 5: Just for today, I resolve to spend some time with my family. The breathless pace we live life is breaking families apart. So today, give your family the gift of your presence. It doesnt have to be complicated. Just make some space in your day to be with your family.

Social Media 101: Time and Place

By HomeWord.com
Sure, your teen wants to stay connected to friends and peers using social media. Thats a given. But research is telling us that using social media after bedtime and in your teens bedroom are neither the right time nor place. In fact, these are just plain lousy for your kids well being. Over the past few years, as research on teens and technology has advanced, it has been revealed that when teens take their technology devices to bed with them, some unhealthy things happen. Primarily, they get less sleep. Teens are already notorious for being sleep deprived, and tech in the bedroom has only made the situation worse. One of the biggest culprits for inadequate and disturbed sleep is technology, said psychologist Jennifer Vriend, lead author of a new study published in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology. Many teenagers sleep with their phones and they are awakened regularly by it ringing or vibrating throughout the night when they get a text, email or Facebook message, she said. An additional consequence of a teens lack of sleep is that they are more likely to perform worse academically. A recent study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that teens who go to bed late had a worse cumulative grade point average (GPA) at high school graduation and more emotional distress in the college years and beyond than teens who go to bed earlier. Parents cannot force their kids to sleep. But aiding and abetting kids to sleep less by allowing them to use social media after bedtime is a sure prescription for creating problems. One last note: research shows the same issues are also created when allowing televisions, computers, gaming consoles and devices in teen bedrooms.

Dont Say Everything You Think

By Doug Fields
Its not breaking news that some parents can be downright nasty to their children. Parenting includes the responsibility to verbally reprimand kids. Sometimes, something needs to be said. But how we as parents speak to our kids is important! No parent is above making occasional snarky remarks to their kids. Ive done it. Youve done it. We all fall short. Its just that some parents develop a pattern for regularly criticizing their kids. Constant criticism from parents can do a lot of long-term damage to a childs self-image and the confidence they need to become a functioning, responsible adult. A sharp remark or rebuke may feel good. It may even succeed in delivering your point in the short-term. But frankly, criticism is a lousy long-term parenting strategy, and it will never deliver the positive results you seek in your kids. I have a quick wit and a propensity for sarcasm, and with this amazing combination of skills, I create some really strong statementsthat my kids never hear. Why? Because over the years of being a parent, Ive learned an important key to successful communication and healthy relationships between parents and kids: Dont say everything you think, and think before you speak. Of course, this is easier said than done. Still, practicing self-control in what you say is an entirely biblical principle! Watch your words and hold your tongue; youll save yourself a lot of grief. Proverbs 21:23 [MSG] A home filled with constant criticism is a breeding ground for rebellion and negativity. So when your child has pushed your buttons and your emotions are running hot, save the hurtful comment. Give yourself a timeout to cool off. Consider the issue that needs to be addressed. Think about what you need to say before you say it. Then, make an appropriate and constructive comment. The bottom line is that when you make critical remarks to your kids, you dont win! You wound your kids and create relational distance between them and you. So do yourself and your family a favor: Dont say everything you think!

Protect Your Kids From Burning Out

By Jim Burns
The pace of life in today's culture is hectic. It's tough enough for adults to maintain balance. Unfortunately, the danger of kids overdoing it is greater. A rising number of kids are burning out because they are simply too busy. Generally, kids love to be involved in activities. But how much is too much? Wise parents need to be proactive in overseeing their kids activities, in order to help them learn how to make good decisions and to live balanced lives. Parents should walk alongside them, helping them get involved, while avoiding over commitment. Here are some ideas for helping kids maintain balance in this area. Evaluate your childs schedule. How busy is your kid now? School, homework, athletics, hobbies, and church activities all add up to a significant amount of your childs time. Consider what activities can be eliminated. If your children are already living busy lives, and they are motivated to take on even more, help them figure out what current activities and involvements can be cut back. Teach the lesson that no one can do everything. There are many involvements and activities worthy of commitment. Help your kids learn that there is such a thing as being overcommittedeven to worthy causes. Help kids to evaluate potential new activities. Teach them to evaluate whether new activities will help them grow as a person, how it might affect relationships with their family and friends, and to consider potential positive and negative outcomes from their involvement. Watch for signs of stress. Keep an eye on your kids for emerging signs of stress and if you see a pattern of stress emerging, help your son or daughter evaluate the source. If busyness is causing stress, its time to cut back. Leave room for other necessities. A healthy life requires balance and eating the right foods, finding time for relaxation, regular exercise, and getting a good nights sleep are all necessary for kids to avoid burning out.