You may find this to be mildly amusing.

---------From: The European Union Commissioner To: The World Congregation Subject: The New World Date: Friday, 6 June 1997 10:09AM The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European Communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations , Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five - year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish ( Euro for short ). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced by "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate spelling. Also, al wil agre, that the horible mes of silent "e" s in the languag is disgrasful and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z " and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining " ou " , and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl ritan btyl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! WHEN YOU ARE READING THIS, MAKE SURE TO KEEP IN MIND THAT IT IS A TRUE STORY. HOPE YOU LIKE:

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks and the usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just last year, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed outside his neighbor's bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" True story

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS: Cmon...This place is a mess!

You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now! WHAT A MAN HEARS: C'MON....blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
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BLAMESTORMING:
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Body Nazis:
Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Chainsaw Consultant:
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Cube Farm:
An office filled with cubicles.

Ego Surfing:
Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.

Idea Hamsters:
People who always have their idea generators running.

Keyboard Plaque:

The disgusting build-up of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards

Mouse Potato:
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato

Ohnosecond:
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake

Perot:
To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."

Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMS:
What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Squirt the Bird:

To transmit a signal to a satellite

Starter Marriage:
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets

Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny

Swiped Out:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Treeware:
Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace

Alpha Geek:
The most knowledgeable and technically proficient person in an office ."Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

Chips and Salsa:

Chips = Hardware, Salsa = Software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in you chips or your salsa.

Flight Risk:
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company of department soon

GOOD Job:
A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well paying job people take in order to pay off debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

Midair Passenger Exchange:

Grim Air-Traffic-Controller-Speak for a head-on collision. Mid-air passenger exchanges are quickly followed by "aluminium rain."

PEBCAK:
Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between the Chair and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions.

Percussive Maintenance:

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Telephone Number Salary:

A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Umfriend:
A sexual relation of dubious standing. "This is uh,....Dale, my....um.....friend..."

Vulcan Nerve Pinch:

The taxing hand position to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

Yuppie Food Stamps:

The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATM's everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

Tink:
Acronym for a highly paid single consultant. Ten Incomes, No Kids!

PRDP comments on (...your name....) e.g. Bob Smith

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible. Sd/Project Leader A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER: That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines (1, 3, 5, .etc..) for my true assessment of him.