Why Couples Are Choosing Mediation in Divorce Cases

by Bruce Provda

October 2013

Why Couples Are Choosing Mediation in Divorce Cases Divorce Divorces are stressful and can cause also sorts of emotional and physical problems ranging from headaches, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, disruption of sleep patterns, psychosomatic illnesses, back aches and other ailments. he finality and reali!ation that a marriage is over hits everyone differently and everyone reacts to divorce in their o"n "ay. #xperts compare divorce to a death and the bereavement stages of anger, fear, loss, sadness and healing that accompany death. #ven if you are the one "ho initiates the divorce, you still may have unresolved emotional issues about ending the marriage that surface during the divorce negotiations or later. $nger and disappointment are common feelings that may arise during divorce negotiations. %n fact, many times the parties have a hard time communicating "ith each other about settling divorce issues such as division of property, child custody, visitation and spousal and child support issues. &esides seeking the support of family, friends and profession advice, a number of couples are opting for divorce mediation to resolve their divorce issues in order to avoid the stress of a costly and lengthy divorce trial.

Choosing a Mediator? he mediator is a neutral third party. &oth parties must agree to hire to act as their mediator in their divorce. he mediator may or may not be an attorney. he important thing to remember "hen hiring a mediator is that you "ant someone "ho has experience in mediating divorces. 'hile mediation is less expensive than going to trial, mediator services vary so it is a good idea to intervie" a fe" mediators and then choose the one that you think is best suited for the (ob. $sk for references. %f you are "orking "ith a divorce attorney, your attorney can recommend a mediator, or you can get a list from the court, legal aid, the local )tate &ar association, by checking "ith *ediate.com or a friend or family member "ho may have used a mediator in their divorce. How Does Mediation Work?

he initial consultation meeting "ith the mediator is held at the mediator+s office generally in a conference room. $t the initial meeting, the mediator "ill explain the mediation process and have both parties sign a mediation agreement. %f you are represented by our o"n family la" attorney, you can consult "ith the attorney. ,o"ever, generally, family la" attorneys do not attend mediation conferences. $nything that you say in mediation is kept confidential and does not get included in the public court records. ypically, the t"o parties share the costs of the mediation fee. $ny variations can be decided by the parties on their o"n. he mediator acts as a facilitator to try and help the parties resolve their divorce issues. he mediator does not decide or rule on the issues like a (udge. %t is up to the parties themselves to come to an agreement. he mediator "ill help by making suggestions or helping the parties determine if additional information needs to be provided by one of the parties. *ediation may involve more than one session if the parties are unable to decide all the issues at one time. *ediation "orks best "hen the parties are open to suggestions and compromise. )o mediation may not be for everyone, especially if one party is hostile to"ards the other party or the parties refuse to speak to one another. Settlement Once the parties have reached a negotiated settlement, either the mediator "ill dra" up the settlement agreement or one of the attorneys representing the parties. %f both parties are represented by attorneys, then it is a good idea for each party to have their respective attorney revie" the agreement before they sign it. he mediator "ill submit the agreement to the court, and it can be entered as part of the final divorce decree. Why Choose Mediation? -nderstanding ho" mediation "orks is important because it also explains "hy more couples choose mediation over going to trial. *ediation is .uicker, less expensive and private. here is no stress of having to face a (udge in a formal courtroom setting and talk about your personal financial issues and your personal family life. 'hatever is said at mediation, stays at mediation. %t is confidential, unlike a court hearing "here testimony is put into public record and anyone can come in and sit do"n and listen to you and soon to be ex/spouse fighting over your divorce issues. 0ou have control over decisions "ithout the court intervening. he courts favors divorce mediation and prefers that couples use alternative dispute resolution such as mediation because it frees up the court calendar to hear more pressing and urgent family la" matters on other cases such as temporary restraining orders and temporary support, visitation and custody matters. %f you are contemplating a divorce or having trouble settling divorce issues "ith your spouse, mediation might be the best choice for you and your spouse to settle your divorce issues in a more amicable fashion "ith less stress on you and other family members, including your children. 1emember that divorce also takes a toll on children and affects other family

members including your pets. &eing able to settle issues .uickly helps children and other family members ad(ust to the situation as "ell.