Dangerous Journey

Living with cancer, surviving cancer: a personal memoir

By Marie Harlech-Jones Smashwords Edition Published by Aichje Books on Smashwords Aichje Books -- Goulburn, S!, Australia "an#erous Journey $o%yri#ht & '()( by Marie Harlech-Jones *SB +,--(-+-(-)(,-.-' All ri#hts reser/ed0 o %art o1 this %ublication may be re%roduced, stored in a retrie/al system, or transmitted in any 1orm by any means 2 electronic, mechanical, %hotoco%yin#, recordin#, or otherwise 2 without the %rior written %ermission o1 the %ublisher0 3he only e4ce%tion is brie1 5uotations in %rinted re/iews0 Smashwords Edition, 6icence otes 3his ebook is licensed 1or your %ersonal enjoyment only0 3his ebook may not be resold or #i/en away to other %eo%le0 *1 you would like to share this book with another %erson, %lease %urchase an additional coy 1or each %erson0 *1 you are readin# this book and did not %urchase it, or it was not %urchased 1or your use only, then %lease return to Smashwords0com and %urchase your own co%y0 3hank you 1or res%ectin# the hard work o1 this author0 ote7 Some o1 the %ersonal names in this book ha/e been chan#ed to %rotect identities0 THE JOURNE !E"#N$

6ike most %eo%le, * 1eared cancer0 6ike most %eo%le, * called it 8the Bi# $8, or somethin# similar0 6ike most %eo%le, * %itied anyone who had cancer, thinkin# that it was like li/in# in the shadow o1 death0 And, like most %eo%le, * ne/er really belie/ed that cancer could strike at me0 Perha%s * de/elo%ed a sense o1 in/ulnerability when * sur/i/ed an early scare at the a#e o1 9( years a1ter * 1ound lum%s in both o1 my breasts0 3he lum%s were not only worryin# but also /ery %ain1ul so * made an ur#ent a%%ointment with my GP, who sent me o11 1or a mammo#ram0 3o my relie1, the scare turned out to be a 1alse alarm7 the %roblem was that my breast #lands were retainin# water, and a sim%le course o1 tablets soon cured me0 Howe/er, somethin# #ood came o1 it because 1rom then onwards * had a mammo#ram re#ularly0 *n a sense, * was hed#in# my bets7 on the one hand, * belie/ed that it wouldn:t ha%%en to me; on the other hand, * acknowled#ed that cancer was an e/er-%resent %ossibility, de%endin# on how the dice rolled0 Still, nothin# %re%ared me 1or my journey with cancer0 Probably nothin# can e/er %re%are anyone 1or such a journey0 My journey with cancer be#an durin# the 1irst 5uarter o1 '((+ when * decided that it was time 1or my annual check u%0 My husband, Brian, and * mi#rated to Australia durin# mid-'((,, and * was still not %ro%erly ac5uainted with the workin#s o1 the health system but, a1ter askin# around, * 1ound that * could ha/e the mammo#ram done 1ree o1 char#e as * was o/er <( years o1 a#e0 *n 1act, * 1elt a little 1oolish when * learned that the ser/ice that * re5uired was located ri#ht across the road 1rom our house= So * set the wheels in motion0 >irst, * went 1or my re#ular check-u% with my GP and was ha%%y when no %roblems were detected0 e4t, * booked a mammo#ram at the clinic and a week later * was bein# %robed and %ushed by the radio#ra%her, who said that it could take u% to si4 weeks be1ore the results were known0 o %roblem -- * was 5uite ha%%y to wait as * was con1ident that * was in the clear0 "urin# this time, a close 1riend, Eloise, also went 1or her mammo#ram and was cleared within three weeks0 Howe/er, * still hadn:t #ot my result0 Around about then, the 1irst little cloud o1 doubt crossed my mind when * be#an to wonder why my results were takin# so lon#0 3hen, a1ter about se/en weeks, * had the answer when * #ot a %hone call to say that * needed to re%ort to the clinic in $anberra 1or 1urther tests0 Howe/er, in s%ite o1 ni##lin# doubts, * still wasn:t %articularly concerned, as * ha/e no 1amily history o1 cancer0 * %resumed that it would turn out to be no more than a small abnormality, as was the case many years earlier0 Eloise dro/e with me to $anberra, and we chatted ha%%ily durin# the tri%0 *n 1act, * ne/er sto%%ed thinkin#, ?*t won:t ha%%en to me0 3here won:t be a %roblem0 *1 there is somethin#, it has to be beni#n0: 3he sta11 members at the clinic were 1riendly and hos%itable; in 1act, they e/en %ro/ided tea and sandwiches 1or the %atients and their com%anions0 A1ter a bit o1 a wait, * was subjected to another mammo#ram0 3hen there was a lon# wait be1ore * had to under#o ultrasound %rocedure0 ow, at last, * 1ound out the reason 1or all the 1uss and bother, when * was shown an ima#e o1 the o11endin# tumour0 * was told that the doctor would see me a1ter lunch, so * #ot dressed, joined my %atiently-waitin# 1riend, and took her to lunch at a restaurant near the clinic0 By this time, my senses were so much on the alert that * can e/en remember that we both ordered a sou% o1 s5uash, %um%kin, cumin and oran#e, which was delicious0 @1 course, by now * was be#innin# to worry0 A1ter <. years, had my luck 1inally run outA Back at the clinic, with the doctor and two nurses in attendance, there was another ultrasound %rocedure 1ollowed by a bio%sy0 ow * was ner/ous and jum%y, and my state o1

mind was e4acerbated when they told me what they were #oin# to do0 *n 1act, the descri%tion was almost as bad as the %rocedure itsel1= 3hey be#an by injectin# a %ain-killer and then did the 1irst bio%sy, which hurt so much that * jum%ed with both sur%rise and %ain0 3hat called 1or another %ain killin# injection0 e4t, they took three sam%les0 E/en at this sta#e, because the cancer was 1unnel-sha%ed, no one could locate a lum% by manual ins%ection o1 my breasts0 * returned to the waitin# room and a1ter a while * was told that the results would only be a/ailable 1i/e days later, because the Easter weekend inter/ened0 How would * like to be in1ormedA * asked i1 they could tell me tele%honically0 o, * was told, * would ha/e to re%ort to the clinic in %erson or, alternati/ely, they could in1orm my local doctor o1 the results and he could let me know0 * %re1erred to be told directly and si#hed mentally, because that meant another round tri% o1 '(( kilometres0 3hen * made an a%%ointment 1or '09( %0m0 on the 3uesday a1ter the Easter weekend0 3he sta11 ad/ised me to try not to worry and to enjoy the lon# weekend0 ot worryA 3hat would be di11icult, because by this time my mood had chan#ed and * was sure that * had breast cancer0 !hile we were dri/in# back home, Brian called me on my cell %hone0 *n 1act, he had %honed a 1ew times earlier but Eloise, who answered the %hone while * was under#oin# the %rocedures, was not able to tell him anythin#0 ow * really could not make u% my mind what to say0 Howe/er, it hardly mattered what * actually said because Brian knows me so well that my tone o1 /oice alone was enou#h to con/ey that somethin# was wron#0 *t was no use tryin# to conceal the 1acts, so * told him e4actly what had ha%%ened0 !hen we discussed the matter a1ter * #ot home, Brian and * were not 1ully on the same wa/elen#th because * wanted to talk about what mi#ht ha%%en, but he did not0 He said that he wanted the 1acts be1ore he would talk about %ossibilities0 * 1ound this /ery 1rustratin#0 @n the other hand, to be 1air, he was willin# to talk about what the doctor had told me0 He just didn:t want to s%eculate about %ossibilities that did not seem to tally with what we actually knew0 * really cannot remember what we did on >riday and Saturday; we #ot throu#h the days somehow0 @n Easter Sunday, to#ether with Eloise, we dro/e to $anberra to attend the ational >olk >esti/al0 Some o1 the %er1ormances were really #ood while others were unins%irin#0 Howe/er, on re1lection, whate/er the 5uality o1 the %er1ormances, on balance it was better to be busy instead o1 sittin# at home en/elo%ed in my concerns0 *t was a /ery 1ull day because we le1t home at ,09( a0m0 and, a1ter stayin# until almost the end o1 the last %er1ormance, only #ot home at about )) %0m0 Howe/er, e/en i1 * had mana#ed to clear my mind com%letely o1 worry, * still had an on#oin# reminder o1 my situation because, a1ter the %rocedures to which it had been subjected, my breast was %ain1ul throu#hout the weekend and 1or about a week a1terwards0 @n Easter Monday we did /ery little e4ce%t loun#e around the house, readin# and doin# odd jobs0 @n 3uesday, the day on which Brian be#an a two-week /acation 1rom work, we were due to dri/e to $anberra so that * could attend the clinic0 !e decided to e4tend our time in $anberra by ha/in# a walk around %art o1 the lake but cancelled our %lans when * #ot a %hone call to say that the results would only be a/ailable on the 1ollowin# day0 $ould * come to $anberra thenA o, * said, * couldn:t, because we had a%%ointments to see 1riends in the Hunter Balley as well as accommodation reser/ations there0 !hen * said that, the rece%tionist at the clinic re%lied, ?@C, we will %hone to #i/e you the result and talk you throu#h it0: So why did they re1use to #i/e me the results tele%honically earlierA But, whate/er the reason, now * had to endure another 'D hours o1 unwelcome uncertainty0 3he

waitin# had been almost unbearable, and now there was e/en more waitin# to e4tend the tension almost to breakin# %oint= L#%#N" &#TH THE 'NO&LED"E !e were /isitin# our hosts at their home in the Hunter Balley when it was time to %hone the clinic0 * talked to a s%ecialist, and it was a lon# %hone call; by the time it ended * knew that * had a cancerous #rowth, that it was /ery small and slow-#rowin#, that it looked as i1 it had been cau#ht /ery early, and that as soon as * #ot home * should make an a%%ointment with my GP to #et a re1erral to a s%ecialist0 A1ter the call ended, * had a 5uick chat with Brian, who ad/ised me not to conceal the 1acts but rather to be o%en about my condition0 So * told our hosts all about what the s%ecialist had said, and * was %leased that * did so, because their down- to-earth a%%roach hel%ed to kee% me emotionally stable and less stressed-out0 *n any case, knowin# what * did, how could * ha/e tried to act ?normal: 1or the rest o1 the a1ternoon and e/enin#A !e had a %leasant /isit, concludin# with a meal at an ele#ant restaurant; howe/er, the downside was that bein# with com%any meant that Brian and * could not discuss my condition0 * don:t remember much about those 1irst hours a1ter the %hone call, e4ce%t that * think that * was in denial0 * couldn:t belie/e 2 * really, really couldn:t belie/e 2 that it had actually ha%%ened to me0 !hile we were dri/in# back to our hotel, * did try to talk about the results, and what they could mean 1or us, but once a#ain Brian did not want to discuss %ossibilities until we had more to #o on0 @n re1lection, %erha%s he was also e4%eriencin# his own 1orm o1 denial0 Brian 1elt a bit hurt when * told him that * 1elt that he didn:t want to talk about my condition0 6ater, when we discussed his attitude, he e4%lained that he didn:t want to discuss thin#s that %robably wouldn:t ha%%en, such as my losin# a breast, andEor ha/in# a course o1 chemo and losin# my hair, andEor s%endin# a lon# time in hos%ital0 He 1elt that all the si#ns were that the o%eration would entail a smallish incision rather than a mastectomy, that * would not ha/e to under#o a course o1 chemo, and that * would s%end less than 'D hours in hos%ital0 3he basic di11erence between us was that he thou#ht that discussin# e4treme and unlikely %ossibilities was alarmist, whereas * wanted to e4%lore all %ossibilities thorou#hly0 Much later, discussin# this %eriod in our relationshi%, * said, ?My breasts ha/e #i/en you so much enjoyment in our se4 li1e that * really wanted to know how you would 1eel about me i1 one was remo/ed0: Brian re%lied, ?But all the si#ns were that it wasn:t #oin# to ha%%en=: * res%onded, ?Fes, but we couldn:t be certain about that0 Sometimes women ha/e #one in 1or what looked like a relati/ely minor o%eration but ha/e come out o1 sur#ery without one or both o1 their breasts, because the sur#eon 1ound that thin#s were much worse than they seemed to be0 So, what i1 that ha%%enedA: Brian said in e4as%eration, ?!ell, then, * would deal with the situation as it de/elo%ed0: 3o which * res%onded, ?* know that you would0 !e both would0 But, still, * wanted to know how you would 1eel, i1 it ha%%ened0:

*n e/en #reater e4as%eration, Brian re%lied, ?* just didn:t know= * could ha/e said that * would be 1ine 2 that would be easy0 * %robably would be 1ine0 But * really couldn:t say 1or certain e4actly how * would 1eel or react and it was 1utile to %retend that * could0: And that was that= @n the other hand, e/en i1 * 1elt that Brian wouldn:t talk about my condition, * knew that he was /ery concerned0 *n 1act, he was so concerned that he said that he wished that he could ha/e under#one the e4%erience in my %lace, i1 that had been %ossible0 * 1elt /ery randy durin# the ne4t week, so much so that * wanted se4 at least twice a day, and * wanted it in a /ariety o1 ways0 3hrou#hout our marria#e o1 more than 1orty years we ha/e had se4 on a/era#e at least once e/ery day, but this was a ste%-u% in both 1re5uency and intensity0 Brian has always been a willin# %artner so my randiness was no burden to him 2 althou#h it was a bit o1 a sur%rise0 6ater, he said that it was a welcome sur%rise, e4ce%t that in 1uture he would like to enjoy it without bein# o/ershadowed by a dark cloud o1 1orebodin# and uncertainty0 ot lon# a#o, at a seminar 1or breast cancer sur/i/ors, * discussed my randy 1eelin#s with a nurse who was makin# a %resentation on se4 and cancer %atients0 She said that it was because * needed a lot more intimacy and com1ort at that time0 Perha%s it was 2 but, on the other hand, %erha%s it was a sym%tom o1 human res%onse to dan#er and uncertainty0 !hate/er the reason, my randiness lasted 1or about ten days0 3he ne4t day, still in the Hunter re#ion, we /isited an old 1riend 1rom Southern A1rica and * %ut thou#hts about cancer on the back burner while we enjoyed a wonder1ul /isit0 3hen we dro/e to Sydney where our oldest son and 1amily li/e0 Just be1ore we arri/ed, Brian asked i1 * was #oin# to tell our son about my condition0 My res%onse was, ? o, let:s wait and see what the s%ecialist says and then #i/e him all the 1acts0: Brian a#reed, althou#h later he told me that he thou#ht %ri/ately that it would be easier to be 1rank and u%1ront about thin#s0 Brian:s attitude was that cancer was nothin# to be ashamed about 2 a1ter all, * wasn:t a criminal or a malin#erer, and nor had * brou#ht it u%on mysel1 by my conduct 2 and * would 1eel less burdened and stress1ul i1 * didn:t ha/e to remember to watch my words0 My son does most o1 the cookin# at home so * hel%ed him in the kitchen0 Suddenly, * was o/erwhelmed by a 1eelin# that * had to tell him, so * said, ?!ayne, * ha/e had some bad news and * think * should tell you about it0 * ha/e breast cancer0 * wasn:t #oin# to tell you about it until * ha/e seen the s%ecialist but somehow * just 1elt that * had to tell you now:0 He #a/e me a startled look but re%lied in a steady /oice, ?Mom, *:m %leased that you ha/e told me0 Please kee% me in1ormed about e/erythin# as it ha%%ens0: He looked 5uite shaken, and he was /ery %ale; his ne4t 5uestion was, ?How did "ad take itA: * re%lied, ? ot so well0 He won:t talk about it; he says we must wait until we know more0: !ayne #a/e me a bi# hu# and said, ?Mom, it:s #oin# to be 1ine0 *t:s a #ood thin# that you are in Australia, because in Southern A1rica they %robably wouldn:t ha/e 1ound it so early0: 3he rest o1 the e/enin# went as normal0 !e had dinner with !ayne and his 1amily, watched some tele/ision, chatted a bit, went to bed, read 1or a while, and went to slee%0 !e didn:t mention my condition and e/en now * don:t know how, when, or e/en whether, !ayne told our dau#hter-in-law and #randchildren about it0 3he ne4t mornin# we went to a cam%in# and outdoors e4hibition in Sydney where we bou#ht a new tent 2 this was showin# con1idence in the 1uture= 3hen we dro/e home0 @nce there, * %honed Eloise and told her the

results o1 the tests0 @1 course, she was concerned and wanted to come around immediately, but * said, ? o, *:m 1ine0 *:ll see you tomorrow as %lanned, but %lease don:t tell anyone yet0: * enjoyed our home worshi% #rou% on Sunday0 3o #i/e the %arents a break, * usually look a1ter the children who attend and in 1act * was %re%ared to look a1ter them0 Howe/er, their mother said she would attend to them to #i/e me a break0 *t was wonder1ul to join with the others 1or an hour0 * really 1elt at %eace0 @n Monday, * walked down to the clinic to make an a%%ointment with our GP0 * waited 1or hal1 an hour and then was able to see him0 !hen * told him that * needed a re1erral to a s%ecialist because * had breast cancer, he was /ery o11-handed and just remarked brus5uely, ?3hat:s ri#ht, you ha/e breast cancer0: He %rinted out a re1erral note, ad/ised me to make an a%%ointment, and told me where to 1ind the s%ecialist:s clinic0 3hen he stood u% and said, ?!ell that:s it0: As an a1terthou#ht, as he was walkin# towards the door, he asked ?*s that allA: * only mana#ed to say, ?Fes0: * was shocked0 * thou#ht, ?!hat:s wron# with the manA * know he:s not my ideal doctor, but, really, he has no bedside manner0: ot sur%risin#ly, * chan#ed doctors a1ter that and was 1ortunate to 1ind a sym%athetic, 1emale GP at the same clinic0 Still 1eelin# u%set, * walked o/er to the s%ecialist:s rooms0 ot only was * shaken by the doctor:s brus5ueness, but * 1ound the %rocedure awkward0 * was used to the situation in Southern A1rica, where doctors: rece%tionists make a%%ointments like this and also e4%lain the situation to the s%ecialist0 >or instance, in Southern A1rica a 1ew years a#o, when * broke a bone in my ankle and had to ha/e sur#ery, my GP:s rece%tionist made the a%%ointment 1or me e/en althou#h it was only a com%arati/ely minor matter0 ?@h well:, * thou#ht as * walked the three or 1our blocks between the clinics, ?di11erent strokes 1or di11erent 1olks0: My ne4t shock wasn:t lon# in comin#0 * handed the re1erral to the s%ecialist:s rece%tionist and said, ?* need to see the doctor as soon as %ossible because * ha/e breast cancer0: She %a#ed throu#h the a%%ointment book and said o11-handedly, ?3he ne4t a%%ointment is at the end o1 June0: 3hat meant a wait o1 two months 2 two months, and * had cancer= 2 so * %rotested, ? o, that:s not #ood enou#h= 3he clinic in $anberra told me that it would take only two or three days 1or an a%%ointment0: !ithout showin# much concern or sym%athy, the rece%tionist re%lied, ?Sorry, the doctor is /ery busy0 * can:t do anythin# about it0: 3ryin# to #et a more 1a/ourable reaction, * handed her the %atholo#y test re%ort0 Howe/er, she brushed it aside and said, ?3hat means nothin# to me0 Show it to the doctor0: Howe/er, she did say that she would s%eak to the doctor that a1ternoon to see what could be done0 * went home and waited, 1eelin# an#ry and 1rustrated0 >ortunately the doctor 1rom $anberra %honed at about D09( %0m0 and asked i1 * had an a%%ointment0 * told her what had ha%%ened and she said that, a%art 1rom arran#in# 1or the G-ray and ultrasound %lates to be sent to my address, she would see what she could do0 She also #a/e me the names o1 all the s%ecialists in $anberra and said she would be sendin# some in1ormation 1or me to read0 A1ter this con/ersation, * 1elt a little better0 3hin#s im%ro/ed e/en more hal1 an hour later when she %honed with the news that * would soon ha/e an a%%ointment with the local s%ecialist0 She also said that the rece%tionist denied that she had told me that * would ha/e to wait0 3his was a blatant lie and * thou#ht uncharitably about the rece%tionist, ?@h, well, * won:t challen#e your story i1 you 1eel that you ha/e to co/er your lar#e ass0: HAs indeed she had to=I

@n >riday the rece%tionist, now ooJin# coo%eration, %honed to say that * had an a%%ointment 1or Monday0 So * had to s%end another weekend waitin# in 1rustration= Saturday %assed as usual with housework and #ardenin#, and on Sunday we attended Kuaker meetin# in $anberra0 !hile socialiJin# o/er tea a1terwards, * chatted with a cou%le who were returnin# to their home in the LSA a1ter s%endin# a sabbatical in $anberra0 Althou#h * only intended to say #oodbye and wish them bon /oya#e, suddenly * had a 1eelin# that * should tell them about my condition0 *t turned out that Jane had #one throu#h the same thin# '( years a#o, and she shared her e4%eriences with me0 *t really hel%ed to talk to someone with 1irst-hand in1ormation on the subject, and * was /ery %leased that * had res%onded to my ur#e to tell her about what was on my mind0 * was learnin# just how im%ortant it was to s%eak to %eo%le who had been throu#h the breast cancer e4%erience and had not only sur/i/ed but were li/in# acti/e and success1ul li/es0 *t #a/e me coura#e and ho%e0 3he /isit to the s%ecialist did not start well0 * arri/ed just be1ore )) a0m0 and was told to take a seat0 3hen the wait be#an0 * could not concentrate to read0 My stomach did 1li%1lo%s throu#hout the hour that * had to wait0 Howe/er, when * did 1inally #et to see the s%ecialist, my a%%rehensions e/a%orated0 * 1ound that that * liked this sli#htly o/erwei#ht woman with her %ro1essional but sym%athetic air0 She e4amined me, showed me the tumour on the ultrasound ima#es, and con1irmed that the cancer was /ery small and in the /ery early sta#es0 * said, ?But in s%ite o1 knowin# that it:s there, * can:t 1eel it0: "r @8$onnors e4%lained, ?3hat:s because it:s not a lum%, but tubular in sha%e0: She went on to reassure me by sayin#, ?3his is 5uite rare, and it:s #ood, i1 cancer can be #ood; also, because it:s /ery slow-#rowin#, * am sure that it hasn:t s%read0: @1 course, we discussed the 1act that * would ha/e an o%eration 5uite soon0 "r @8$onnors e4%lained that my breast would be injected with a blue dye to identi1y the lym%h #lands under the arm0 3he reason 1or this %rocedure is that with breast cancer, the lym%h #lands are usually remo/ed as they are the 1irst %lace to which the cancer s%reads0 She e4%lained that * was 1ortunate, as it was likely that * would only need to ha/e one #land remo/ed0 3hen an incision would be made at the ele/en o:clock %osition on the breast, a1ter which the cancer and surroundin# tissue would be remo/ed0 e4t, an under-arm incision would be made to remo/e the lym%h #lands0 3his was bad enou#h 2 all this cuttin# into my tender 1lesh= 2 but thin#s #ot worse when she e4%lained that, to mark the tumour, * would ha/e to ha/e a hook-wire inserted into my breast be1ore #oin# to hos%ital0 ot only did it sound awkward and %ain1ul, which in 1act it was, but it meant that * would ha/e to endure a %iece o1 wire in my breast 1or a number o1 hours be1ore * had the actual o%eration0 e4t, she discussed my o%tions, which included the remo/al o1 the breast0 She said that * would ha/e to decide 1or mysel1 which o%tion to choose0 * looked at her steadily and said, ?* know /ery little about cancer but * really don:t want to lose a breast i1 it:s not necessary0 *1 it was you, what would you doA: She said that she would not ha/e the breast remo/ed, and, /ery relie/ed, * re%lied, ?3hat:s what * want as well0: !hat a relie1= @ne o1 my #reatest 1ears was that * would lose a breast and then would ha/e to under#o chemo treatment0 *n 1act, * had e/en had my hair cut short as * thou#ht that chemo treatment was a real %ossibility0 As * said, * had to deal with these 1ears on my own because when * tried to talk to Brian about it, he always said, ?6et:s wait and see0: * was not lookin# 1orward to the task o1 lettin# close 1amily members, such as my youn#er son in amibia, my sister in South A1rica, and my cousin in Holland know that *

had breast cancer0 Howe/er, durin# the same week that * saw "r @8$onnors, by coincidence my cousin emailed me to say that, as a result o1 cancer, her son:s mother-in-law:s breast had been remo/ed0 Somehow, that #al/aniJed me and * knew that the time had come to tell the %eo%le who were closest to me0 So, when Brian #ot home 1rom work 2 he had %honed me earlier, so he already knew what "r @8$onnors had told me -- we discussed the matter and decided to let my niece in Sydney know 1irst0 3his was a #ood mo/e because she is a radiolo#ist and, a1ter a lon# %hone con/ersation, * 1elt a lot clearer about many thin#s0 * had also recei/ed literature 1rom the clinic in $anberra, which * read be1ore seein# "r @8$onnors0 >rankly, it made me 1eel o/erwhelmed0 3hen "r @8$onnors #a/e me more literature0 "id * really need to read e/erythin#A * skimmed throu#h the literature and %icked u% two thin#s that * thou#ht mi#ht hel%0 @ne was in1ormation about a breast cancer su%%ort #rou% in $anberra0 3hinkin# that %ractical in1ormation and su%%ort would be use1ul, * %rom%tly com%leted the membershi% a%%lication 1orm and mailed it alon# with a che5ue 1or M'(0 * ha/e been recei/in# e-mails 1rom them e/er since, althou#h * ha/e not attended any o1 their 1unctions, as they are usually held durin# the e/enin# and $anberra is just too 1ar away 1or an e/enin# /isit0 * also 1ound contact details 1or a breast cancer su%%ort #rou% in our town0 Bein# a smaller #rou%, they were more in1ormal0 !hen * %honed, * #ot a 1riendly rece%tion and was in/ited to attend their ne4t meetin#, which was scheduled 1or two days be1ore my o%eration0 My sister was concerned when she heard my news but we could not ha/e a lon# con/ersation because some o1 her 1riends had just arri/ed to take her on a lon# walk0 * was %leased that she would be with 1riends as this would hel% her to deal with my news0 e4t * %honed our youn#er son, Aulden0 *t was a %ublic holiday so he sounded hal1-aslee% as he asked, ?Hi Mom, how:s it #oin# with you and "adA: * re%lied, ?>ine, but * ha/e some bad news0 * ha/e breast cancer0 But don:t worry, it:s /ery small and slow mo/in#0 3he doctor does not think it:s in the lym%h #lands but will only know a1ter the o%eration0: *n a concerned /oice, he asked, ?Are you #oin# to lose your breast, MomA: * re%lied, ? o, just the #rowth and the surroundin# tissues0 *t a%%ears that * won:t need chemo0 But * ha/e to wait to 1ind out about that0: 3here was a %ause be1ore he said slowly, ?Mom, since you mo/ed to Australia, until now * ha/en:t 1elt that you really are 1ar away, but now it 1eels terribly 1ar0: * tried to reassure him by sayin#, ?"on:t worry too much about me0 "ad doesn:t want to talk about it, but he has acce%ted it and is bein# su%%orti/e0: Aulden said, ?Mom, * lo/e you and * miss you0: !hen he said that, * wanted to sit down and cry because Aulden usually does not show his 1eelin#s like this0 His style is usually a 5uick hu# and a 1ew jokin# remarks0 Howe/er, only three years earlier he and his wi1e did ha/e a terrible e4%erience with cancer, when her mother lost her nose, so %erha%s he is #ettin# used to dealin# with cancer-crises= >inally, * %honed my cousin in Holland0 !e are the same a#e and #rew u% to#ether in the same town in South A1rica, so she is like a second sister0 !e had a 1rank and o%en con/ersation, durin# which she said that she was /ery concerned and asked to be ke%t 1ully in1ormed0 As with the others, * knew that she meant it0 $ancer or no cancer, li1e still had to #o on, e/en in re#ard to thin#s medical0 * had done my annual %hysical check-u% and the mammo#ram but had still not had a %a% smear0

!ith so much on my %late, * was tem%ted to %ut it o110 * thou#ht, 8!hat i1 there was another crisisA $ould * 1ace that as wellA8 Howe/er, takin# the wiser course, * decided to #et it o/er and done with be1ore #oin# into hos%ital0 !hen * made the a%%ointment, * 1ound that the breast cancer nurse, Shirley, was also the women:s health nurse0 *t was #ood to see a 1riendly 1ace0 !e chatted 1or a while and when she %honed that a1ternoon to say that * should come in 1or the test the ne4t day, she asked me to make time 1or a lon#er a%%ointment so that we could also talk about my condition0 * 1ind that %a% smears are an aw1ul ordeal0 Howe/er, * must admit that this was one o1 the least un%leasant tests that * ha/e e/er had, e/en i1 * couldn:t rela4 while under#oin# it0 A1terwards, Shirley #a/e me more literature to read and also o11ered me a 1ree bra, which was %art o1 the su%%ort %acka#e 1or breast cancer %atients0 Althou#h * declined the bra because it wasn:t made o1 cotton, * did acce%t a %ink cushion that was sha%ed to 1it under the arm0 Howe/er, the main si#ni1icance o1 my discussion with Shirley was that * realiJed that there was a lot o1 hel% and su%%ort a/ailable, both be1ore and a1ter the o%eration0 >or instance, when * told Shirley that * was #oin# 1or the %re-admission discussion in one week:s time, she said that she would see me there0 By this time * was be#innin# to worry that * was not ha/in# what the literature described as the usual reactions to breast cancer, such as an#er, 1ear, sel1-%ity, and ?!hy meA: resentment0 !as * di11erent in some wayA *1 so, should * be concernedA >inally, * shru##ed and decided that, use1ul as the literature was, * had no choice but to deal with the situation in my own way and on my own terms0 3his did not mean that * was 1earless7 1or instance, * was scared about ha/in# the o%eration and * was a%%rehensi/e about what * mi#ht ha/e to #o throu#h in the treatment that 1ollowed0 Also, * was worried about Brian0 How was he really 1eelin# and how would he co%e with the stress o1 my o%eration, treatment, and %osttreatment sym%tomsA Althou#h * was worried about how Brian was 1eelin#, se4 was still 1un 1or both o1 us0 >or instance, we started to try %ositions that mi#ht be more com1ortable a1ter my o%eration0 3his was reassurin#ly normal 1or me because, as * said, throu#hout our married li1e we ha/e enjoyed se4 on a daily basis 2 sometimes e/en twice %er day -- e4ce%t 1or en1orced abstinences such as a1ter the birth o1 our two children or when we ha/e been a%art0 So, not lon# be1ore my o%eration, * wrote in my diary, ?!e are ho%in# that this will continue0 6et:s wait and see0: 6i1e continued as normal in other ways as well0 >or instance, * continued #i/in# cookin# classes 1or L9A0 * e4%lained to the %artici%ants that althou#h * mi#ht ha/e to cancel some o1 the classes, * would make them u% later0 THE O(ER)T#ON )ND )*TER&)RD$ 3he hos%ital %honed to ad/ance my a%%ointment 1or the %re-admission session by one day and a1ter * hun# u%, * started to shake with a%%rehension0 * hate an a#reed schedule bein# chan#ed, es%ecially as now Brian could not accom%any me because o1 his work commitments0 * would ha/e to 1ace the a%%ointment on my own0 * arri/ed at the hos%ital on time but had to wait 1or nearly an hour0 3here was nothin# worthwhile to read and * had le1t my own readin# matter at home, so * had nothin# to di/ert me while * sat there, consumed by an4iety0 >inally, * was attended to0 A nurse took my blood %ressure, did an E$G, and asked a lot o1 5uestions about my health0 *n /iew o1 my state o1

mind, * was not sur%rised to see that my blood %ressure had risen 1rom )9(E-( to )<.E-.0 3hen, a1ter a wait o1 ). minutes, * was seen by an anaesthetist who took my blood %ressure and told me what would ha%%en on the day o1 the o%eration0 !e also had a lon# con/ersation about South A1rica, where he had worked 1or some time0 >inally, a1ter another lon# wait, * was told that it was time to see the last doctor and ha/e two more tests0 Howe/er, by this time it was nearly D0D( %0m0, so * told the nurse that * couldn:t stay because * had another a%%ointment in '( minutes time0 She was understandin# and said that * could come back on the 1ollowin# day0 * rushed home and then walked around the corner to the Multicultural $entre to kee% my a%%ointment to hel% the children with homework0 3here, * told two members o1 sta11 that * was #oin# to ha/e a breast cancer o%eration soon and mi#ht ha/e to take a break 1rom my work at the centre0 By now, instead o1 concealin# the 1acts and ha/in# to watch my words, * was 1indin# it easier to s%eak 1reely about my condition0 "urin# the time leadin# u% to the o%eration, li1e went on as usual, with house work, /oluntary work, rela4in# with Brian a1ter workin# hours, and talkin# to 1amily members on the %hone0 3wo days be1ore the o%eration, * attended a meetin# o1 a breast cancer su%%ort #rou% at a nearby ca1e0 * really liked the members and 1elt that they were /ery su%%orti/e0 Howe/er, Brian and * had still not really talked about the o%eration0 * con/inced him that he need not take o11 work on the day o1 the o%eration as * thou#ht that he wouldn:t worry so much i1 he was busy0 @n the ni#ht be1ore the o%eration, * hardly sle%t, surely because * was scared o1 the o%eration and a%%rehensi/e about the outcome0 Also, my ri#ht shoulder and arm, which are usually troubled by arthritis, were /ery %ain1ul0 But now the %ain was much worse than usual, %robably because o1 worry0 At one time durin# the ni#ht * turned on the li#ht to read, but then turned the li#ht o11 because it woke Brian, who com%lained0 3hen he a%olo#iJed, sayin# that he had not realiJed that * was readin#0 * a%olo#iJed 1or wakin# him, waited until he was aslee% a#ain, and then turned the li#ht on and went back to my book0 * #uess that neither o1 us was slee%in# well that ni#ht0 !hene/er * did #et to slee%, * would dream about the %iece o1 wire bein# %ushed into my breast, and that would wake me in a 1ri#ht0 Ln1ortunately dayli#ht did not relie/e my 1ear0 3hat mornin# the alarm went o11 at .0'( a0m0 !e wanted to ha/e time 1or an e4ercise session be1ore Brian went to work as * 1elt that it mi#ht be my last o%%ortunity 1or 5uite some time0 3hen, a1ter arran#in# to /isit me at the hos%ital as soon as * was accessible a1ter the o%eration, Brian went to work while * did some house work and %acked an o/erni#ht ba#0 All the time, my mind was %reoccu%ied with the thou#ht that my 1irst sto% would be at the clinic where the hook wire would be inserted into my breast0 *t was like li/in# with the certainty o1 ha/in# to under#o inesca%able torture at a 1i4ed time and %lace0 Also, * was a little u%set that !ayne did not %hone to wish me well0 * thou#ht, %erha%s he:ll %hone this mornin#0 He didn:t, and that u%set me some more0 Aulden %honed a day be1ore the o%eration, while my cousin %honed durin# the weekend as she would be away 1or three weeks0 Also, * was cheered by e-mails 1rom my sister and her youn#er dau#hter as well as one 1rom a #ood 1riend0 A cou%le o1 local %eo%le wished me luck; howe/er, we are 5uite new to the town and don:t ha/e a wide circle o1 ac5uaintances, so * didn:t e4%ect to hear 1rom a lot o1 %eo%le locally0 Also, * hadn:t told many %eo%le about my condition0 At )( a0m0, Eloise arri/ed and dro/e me to the clinic where, as usual, there was a lon# wait durin# which * #ot more and more a%%rehensi/e0 At last * was summoned to the torture chamber, where one more ultrasound was done so that they could see where to %ut the wire into my breast0 Althou#h the doctor assured me that * would 1eel nothin# because my

breast would be anaesthetiJed, at the 1irst %ush * nearly went thou#h the roo1, so * was #i/en another injection0 ow, as the wire was inserted a#ain, * could bear the %ain e/en althou#h the sensation was dread1ul0 By the time the doctors were 1inished, * also 1elt 1inished0 *n 1act, * think that * was in a state o1 shock0 >or instance, when * had to #et dressed * could not 1asten my bra, so * had to ask the male nurse to hel% me0 He did not look /ery ha%%y, but did it anyway0 At that sta#e, * was %ast carin#0 3o make matters worse, * had to #o back to the rece%tion room to wait 1or the ultrasound ima#e to take with me to the hos%ital0 By the time * le1t the clinic, * was shakin# all o/er0 Seein# my condition, when we #ot to the hos%ital Eloise asked i1 she could stay with me but the nurse would not allow her to do so0 3his was really harsh and unsym%athetic, as * had to wait 1or more than three hours, as the o%eration was only due at 9 %0m0 e4t, * was taken to a ward, where * was directed to chan#e into a hos%ital #own0 * told the nurse that * was cold, so she co/ered me with a thin blanket and said that she would brin# another0 Howe/er, it ne/er arri/ed and * was shakin# all o/er when they brou#ht me a tran5uiliJer at about '09( %0m0 At '0D. %0m0 the anaesthetist and the breast cancer nurse arri/ed and #a/e me two tran5uiliJer %ills0 My an4iety increased when, a1ter 5uestionin# them, * 1ound that the order in which the %ills should ha/e been #i/en had been con1used7 in other words, * had been #i/en an anti-acid %ill earlier, and was #i/en tran5uiliJers just be1ore the o%eration, instead o1 /ice /ersa0 3hat %artly e4%lained why * had been shi/erin#; it was caused by both cold and an4iety0 >ortunately, by this time * had calmed down and, once * was in the theatre, * was able to chat with "r @8$onnors, the sur#eon0 A1ter that, * can only remember the bi# o/erhead li#ht and the masked team, but nothin# else0 !hen * came back to consciousness, * was back in the ward hooked u% to a dri%, with a tube under my arm0 * no lon#er 1elt 1ear, and * also did not 1eel %ain0 * was drowsy and was not really aware o1 what was ha%%enin# around me until the %hone ran#0 *t was Brian, who was makin# his second %hone call0 He made his 1irst call an hour earlier when he was told that * was still in the o%eratin# theatre0 He was relie/ed to hear my /oice because he had been concerned that the o%eration was takin# lon#er than e4%ected0 !as there a com%licationA >ortunately not -- e/erythin# had #one as e4%ected, e4ce%t that the %rocedure had taken a little lon#er than antici%ated0 Brian arri/ed at my bedside within ten minutes o1 makin# the call 2 our house is only about three blocks 1rom the hos%ital -- and it was #reat ha/in# him there, e/en i1 * was still rather drowsy0 !hile he was with me a meal arri/ed0 But what a meal= *t looked as i1 the kitchen had con1used my dietary re5uests because the meal mainly consisted o1 1oods that * had indicated that * didn:t eat0 * could only eat the #reen beans, which reminded me o1 the birth o1 my youn#er son in $anada, when the 1irst meal that the hos%ital ser/ed a1ter the birth was #reen beans and %otatoes0 Brian le1t soon a1terwards, with the understandin# that he would return in the mornin# to dri/e me home0 Althou#h * missed him a1ter he le1t, * was 1eelin# /ery calm and collected, %artly because o1 the anaesthetic but mainly because * had endured and sur/i/ed the e4%eriences that had caused me the most an4iety0 * needed to #o to the toilet so * ran# the bell and was #i/en a bed %an0 Althou#h * was able to deal with it, * could not com%letely em%ty my bladder and needed to #o a#ain hal1 an hour later0 * asked i1 * could #o to the bathroom and a nurse ?un%lu##ed: me and hel%ed me down the %assa#e way0 * 1elt /ery weak and wooJy and had to be assisted whene/er * needed

to #o the bathroom0 Howe/er, when the ni#ht sta11 came on duty, * had to mana#e on my own, which was 1ine e4ce%t that * had di11iculty e4tractin# and re-insertin# the dri% in the %lu# behind the bed0 At one sta#e, * accidentally ran# the bell while * was tryin# to #et the %lu# back in0 A nurse answered the summons and was unha%%y when * e4%lained what had ha%%ened0 Howe/er, she did not o11er to hel% me0 *t was a horrible ni#ht, mainly because o1 the noise0 Althou#h * had a %ri/ate ward, * was not allowed to close the door, so all ni#ht * was disturbed by the sounds o1 %atients #roanin# and cryin# out, nurses con/ersin# with each other, and the sound o1 1eet hurryin# u% and down the %assa#e way0 * ha/e ne/er been in such a noisy hos%ital= * was ha%%y when mornin# arri/ed, e/en althou#h by then * had a headache and a sore neck0 * asked 1or a %ain killer, which hel%ed somewhat0 Break1ast arri/ed and as with the earlier meal, the 1ood was bland and una%%ealin#0 "octor @8$onnors arri/ed, had a look at me, asked me a 1ew 5uestions, and said that * could #o home at )( a0m0 Howe/er, when Brian arri/ed on time, we had to wait while a nurse chan#ed the dressin# under my arm and remo/ed the tube and dri%0 Brian hel%ed me to dress, a1ter which a %hysiothera%ist showed me the e4ercises that * should do 1or my arm0 A1ter that, 1inally, * was 1ree to #o, with Brian carryin# my ba# and the beauti1ul bunch o1 1lowers that !ayne and 1amily had sent me0 As * le1t the hos%ital, * 1elt so relie/ed that it was like a hea/y load bein# li1ted 1rom my shoulders0 !hen * arri/ed home, * was so hun#ry that Brian made me a bi# meal e/en althou#h it was only ))0a0m0 * s%ent the rest o1 the day either slee%in# or watchin# tele/ision while Brian %lied me with 1ood and drink0 * sle%t throu#h most o1 the a1ternoon and was in bed and 1ast aslee% by , %0m0, wakin# at < o:clock ne4t mornin#0 Somewhat to my sur%rise, * 1elt so ener#etic that * wanted to attem%t an e4ercise session0 Accordin# to my medical ad/ice, this was acce%table as lon# as * a/oided %uttin# %ressure on my le1t side, the side on which * had been o%erated0 Also to my sur%rise, althou#h * could do the e4ercises as su##ested by the %hysiothera%ist /ery well on my le1t side, my ri#ht side was /ery sti11 because the arthritis in my ri#ht shoulder was assertin# itsel10 * used a Pilate:s ball and, ha%%ily, * 1ound that * could do 5uite a 1ew e4ercises without any %ain0 6ater, when Brian said that he was walkin# into town, * decided to #o with him0 * really enjoyed the walk, e/en althou#h it was 5uite short; bein# outside, mo/in# 1reely in the sunshine and 1resh air, was like bein# liberated 1rom a stulti1yin# con1inement0 E/en althou#h the o%eration was behind me and * was at home where * was able to e4ercise and mo/e around, my %hysical condition was 1ar 1rom normal0 >or instance, the incision to remo/e the lym%h #land made the adjacent under-arm and back areas 1eel as i1 they had been sunburned0 Also, * 1elt tired all the time0 3his lasted 1or 5uite a while, as * 1ound a 1ew days later when * attended the monthly meetin# o1 a club to which * belon# and * was unable to stay 1or the 1ull meetin# because o1 weariness and discom1ort0 Generally, my %hysical condition made me /ery 1ra#ile and sensiti/e; 1or instance, when Brian and * were sittin# to#ether on a couch watchin# tele/ision, his arm accidentally brushed a#ainst my back, and, at his touch, * cried out and broke into sobs0 My back was sore and my ri#ht hand was /ery sore and swollen, and this additional jolt was just too much 1or me0 Another 1rustration was that * wanted to start doin# the housework, but held back 1rom doin# so because o1 caution0 *n any case, Brian did as much as he could in the time a/ailable to him and wouldn:t allow me to do anythin# around the house0

@ne week a1ter the o%eration, * /isited the "r @8$onnors and she remo/ed the dressin#s0 !hat a relie1= * had been itchin# e/er since the o%eration0 *n 1act, based on %ast e4%erience, * knew that * was %robably aller#ic to the dressin#s and thus my wounds and adjacent areas were much itchier than they should ha/e been0 3he worst %art o1 the %rocess was the remo/al o1 the dressin# 1rom my ni%%le, which was really %ain1ul0 A1ter that, * only had stri%s o1 dressin# o/er the wound0 Howe/er, it still itched0 3o allay the situation, "r @8$onnors #a/e me some cream, which only %artially allayed the itchiness0 3hat a1ternoon, as ad/ised, * bou#ht some cream and /itamin-E oil 1or the wounds0 All in all, in s%ite o1 the annoyin# itchiness, it had been a #ood day because "octor @8$onnors was satis1ied both with the o%eration and my reco/ery to date0 Sayin# that the doctor was ?satis1ied: meant that, as 1ar as she could tell and in lieu o1 1urther con1irmation, all o1 the cancerous in1ection had been remo/ed0 !ithin a 1ew days, all o1 the dressin#s had come o11 in the shower0 More relie1= At last the itchin# sto%%ed0 >inally, a1ter a delay o1 a 1ew days, "octor @8$onnors recei/ed the results o1 the o%eration0 3hey showed that the areas o1 both the tumour, which was D0. mm in len#th, and the lym%h #lands, were clear0 3his was #reat news and, althou#h we had been e4%ectin# it, Brian and * 1elt much ha%%ier0 RE+O%ER Kuite soon a1ter my o%eration, the date 1or the annual Australia:s Bi##est Mornin# 3ea, a 1und-raiser 1or cancer research, came around0 * was %lannin# to make scones 1or the occasion but my ri#ht hand was too sore and swollen0 3his was ironical7 * had been o%erated on my le1t breast and under-arm areas, but my ri#ht hand, which had no connection with those areas, was #i/in# me the most trouble0 A1ter * %ut my hand into hot water and rubbed it with $hina @il, which is a German %roduct with a hi#h concentration o1 %e%%ermint, the %ain and the swellin# slowly subsided0 @n the 1ollowin# day, * made cu% cakes 1or the tea0 3he Bi##est Mornin# 3ea was held at the local %ublic library and was or#anised by the local Breast $ancer Su%%ort Grou%0 *t was my 1irst acti/ity with the #rou% and * enjoyed the camaraderie and sense o1 shared %ur%ose0 3he tea was success1ul and we sold all o1 our 1ood and snacks within the 1irst hour0 Brian took a break 1rom work to /isit me at the tea, and, arri/in# just o/er one hour a1ter the start, was sur%rised to 1ind that we were already clearin# the tables and %ackin# away our e5ui%ment0 A1ter my consultation with "r @8$onnors, * had no 1ear about the cancer because * belie/ed the e/idence that showed that the in1ection had been com%letely e4cised0 *nstead, my troubles were more localiJed0 >or instance, my le1t arm was %ain1ul and seemed to #et worse as time went on0 e/ertheless, because * like to think o1 mysel1 as determined and sel1-reliant, * tried to li/e li1e as normally as %ossible by doin# all o1 the thin#s that * usually did, in so 1ar as they were %hysically %ossible, and by resumin# all o1 my household, social, and /olunteer acti/ities0 A1ter the o%eration, Brian and * e4%erimented with se4 and continued to ha/e a satis1yin# se4 li1e0 Althou#h, as * ha/e said, * ha/e always enjoyed %lenty o1 se4, * 1eel that * am rather con/entional0 At this time, * rela4ed my inhibitions a little, which was not easy e/en i1 the results were satis1yin#0 Ln1ortunately, howe/er, * still retained some inhibitions=

!ithin three weeks o1 the o%eration, * was 1eelin# #ood0 * e4ercised e/ery day, mostly usin# our home #ym e5ui%ment0 My usual e4ercise routine, which is done to music with a rhythmic beat H)+<(s %o% son#s are the best=I, consisted o1 loosenin# u% mo/ements, bouncin# on a small tram%oline, doin# curls on an ?ab-machine:, and doin# a /ariety o1 e4ercises on a slidin# board and a Pilates ball0 "oin# the e4ercises to#ether with Brian hel%s to make them more enjoyable and less monotonous0 ow, a1ter the o%eration, * could still do many o1 the e4ercises, but had to eliminate or #reatly reduce those that %laced a strain on my arms and breasts0 * was %leased to see that my breast looked almost normal and * be#an to think that when the incision healed and the swellin# subsided, it would look the way it always had0 Howe/er, my under-arm and back were still %ain1ul and * had to be care1ul not to strain or bum% those areas0 "r @8$onnors ad/ised me that it mi#ht be %rudent i1 * had a course o1 radiothera%y, so * %honed the clinic and was told that * would only be able to see the s%ecialist in two weeks time when she made her monthly /isit to our town0 More waitin#= Brian said, ?Maybe the s%ecialist will ad/ise that you don:t need radiothera%y:, but * was con/inced that she would ad/ise it and that * would act on her ad/ice0 * 1elt so bored that * decided to do a bit o1 #ardenin#, so * %ulled on my #lo/es and, carryin# a kitchen kni1e, went out and attacked the weeds in a 1lower bed0 Howe/er, * only did this 1or about ten minutes because my le1t arm started to 1eel sore e/en althou#h * did not use it0 !hen * went to the Multicultural $entre, there were no children who needed hel% with their homework so * s%ent the time talkin# to another /olunteer0 A1ter that con/ersation, * thou#ht that sometimes when one listens to others, you learn how lucky you are0 My encounter with cancer was almost insi#ni1icant com%ared to what this woman had su11ered with her health0 !hile it was true that * was no lon#er concerned about cancer, * was still worryin# about radiothera%y and about recurrin# %ain and discom1ort0 @ne result was that * was eatin# too much, continually snackin# on com1ort 1ood0 Perha%s * would sto% now that * realiJed what was ha%%enin#0 By the 1ourth week a1ter the o%eration, the %ain and discom1ort 1luctuated0 Sometimes * 1elt /ery uncom1ortable and sometimes * was almost %ain-1ree0 >or instance, durin# an e/enin# in early June my breasts were really uncom1ortable and * had to take %ain killers0 Howe/er, by the 1ollowin# mornin# * 1elt so #ood that * sham%ooed the loun#e car%et and did some cookin#0 *n my diary, * wrote, ?* ho%e that * stay 1eelin# so #ood all day:0 *n 1act, it was a #ood day, e4ce%t that by the e/enin# the itch was really intense and * had to sto% mysel1 1rom scratchin#0 A%art 1rom that, * 1elt #reat0 3o ca% a #ood day, * recei/ed a batch o1 su%%orti/e emails 1rom distant 1riends to whom Brian had written about my condition0 Some o1 them wrote about their own e4%eriences with cancer, includin# breast cancer, and some just e4%ressed su%%ort and concern0 !hate/er the content, it was all /ery heartenin#= *n s%ite o1 ha/in# had a #ood day, * went to bed 1eelin# that i1 my ni%%le did not sto% itchin#, * would #o mad0 !hen * e4amined my breast in the mirror and disco/ered that a small %iece o1 the dressin# was still adherin# to my ni%%le, * care1ully remo/ed it and, a1ter a ni#ht o1 broken slee%, the itch was #one0 Had * 1ound the reason and the cure 1or the itchA * really ho%ed so0 * 1elt #ood, and decided to write to a youn# 1riend who is a %hysiothera%ist and ask about how much %ressure * could %ut on my arm when e4ercisin#0

@n ).th June * saw the oncolo#y s%ecialist0 "urin# a thorou#h consultation lastin# one and a hal1 hours, she e4amined my breast and asked a lot o1 5uestions0 She told me more about the cancer and estimated that the chances o1 a recurrence were about -N i1 * did not ha/e radiothera%y0 3he choice was u% to me0 * hate ha/in# to make decisions like this because * ne/er 1eel that * ha/e enou#h in1ormation, so * asked what she would do i1 she were in my %osition0 She re%lied that she would ha/e the treatment, and * decided to 1ollow her ad/ice0 She told me that the treatment would be#in in about three weeks time and that * would ha/e )< doses, one %er day on consecuti/e weekdays0 3he siJe o1 the dosa#e would be determined a1ter * had a clinical test0 So that was decided 2 * would ha/e radiation treatment0 Howe/er, it was no sur%rise as * had been e4%ectin# the decision almost 1rom the time that * came out o1 hos%ital0 At about that time, * was ha/in# heart %al%itations0 *t was worryin#0 !hat could it meanA *n s%ite o1 my concern, * did nothin# about them and they #radually went away, so they must ha/e been caused by stress0 A1ter the a%%ointment with the oncolo#ist, * had my L9A cookin# class and only one %erson attended0 !e had lunch a1ter the class and enjoyed a 1riendly con/ersation0 *t was #ood to ha/e someone outside o1 my e/eryday li1e to whom * could talk0 *n the e/enin#, * went to a club meetin#0 Althou#h the weather was /ery cold, the meetin# room and the com%any were warm0 Howe/er, the 1ood was the worst that * had e/er eaten at the hotel, which, in my o%inion, is #enerally distin#uished 1or its %oor cuisine0 ow my mind was %re-occu%ied with thou#hts about the radiation thera%y0 * was worryin# about how * would react to it and what lon#er-term e11ects it would ha/e on me0 My tension be#an to a11ect my relationshi% with Brian, because * wanted to sna% at him an#rily no matter what he did or said0 * had to stru##le to restrain mysel10 3o try to work o11 the tension, * used our ?ste% and twist: e4ercise machine 1or lon# s%ells0 * also knew that, because o1 the tension, once a#ain * was snackin# more than * should0 * be#an to look 1orward to the week that Brian had booked on the Sunshine $oast, thinkin# that it would be a welcome di/ersion be1ore the treatment started0 *1 only it was all o/er, * thou#ht, then thin#s would im%ro/e ra%idly0 *t was just that * was no #ood at waitin# 1or thin#s to ha%%en Howe/er, matters were im%ro/in# in other ways0 >or instance, * 1ound that my bras no lon#er hurt my underarm area and shoulder0 !hat a relie1= Howe/er, my lower back 1elt the strain i1 * did too much housework or #ardenin# in one s%ell0 3his was a real nuisance because * was used to bein# 1it and acti/e, not %artially disabled0 !hen * 1elt like that, a hot water bottle and rest hel%ed a lot0 @n '9rd June, Eloise dro/e me to $anberra 1or the %lannin# session0 @nce a#ain, * had reason to be seriously worried about my #ood 1riend0 En route, while dri/in# at hi#hway s%eed, she went blank and almost sto%%ed the car0 * had to touch her be1ore she came back to 1ull awareness0 3hen she was 1ine0 3his was not the 1irst time this had ha%%ened when * was with her, and, a1ter * discussed the matter with one o1 her 1riends, we both ur#ed her to take medical ad/ice0 She had a number o1 tests to dia#nose the cause o1 the %roblem, but not one o1 them yielded any use1ul in1ormation0 Ln1ortunately she still has the attacks, so we continue to be concerned about her0 At the hos%ital in $anberra, * had to lie with my arms behind my head while the sta11 marked my breast and measured it0 Ln1ortunately e/erythin# took twice as lon# as normal because it is a teachin# hos%ital and the %rocedure was bein# obser/ed and noted by medical students0 By the time they were 1inished, my ri#ht arm was shakin# and * could not brin# it back to my side without assistance0 3hat ni#ht my ri#ht shoulder was sore, but by the ne4t

mornin# it was more or less normal0 Howe/er, more than 'D hours later my le1t shoulder was still so sore and sti11 that * had to take %ain killers0 * reckoned that the %ain was caused by my ha/in# to hold my arms abo/e my head0 Anyway, * ho%ed that was all that it was0 * be#an to wonder i1 * would e/er 1eel all ri#ht 2 * meant, all ri#ht, with nothin# wron# anywhere 2 a#ain0 Althou#h my le1t side, the side o1 the o%eration, had little discom1ort, * had what 1elt like arthritis in my ri#ht wrist, chill-blains on my le1t toe, and an itch that nothin# seemed to hel%0 !hen one has had an o%eration like this one, e/erythin# seems to be am%li1ied0 ow it was time to lea/e 1or our /acation at the Sunshine $oast0 Hooray 2 di/ersion and rela4ation= A1ter /isitin# my niece and then s%endin# the ni#ht with our son and his 1amily, we 1lew out o1 Sydney air%ort at lunch time0 3he Bir#in Air 1li#ht was uncom1ortable by any standards, with insu11icient le# room and not enou#h seat s%ace0 So this is what a battery chicken e4%eriences= Also, we were assailed by marketin# messa#es and by attendants tryin# to sell us thin#s, as i1 s%endin# money would di/ert us 1rom our discom1ort0 3hank #oodness the 1li#ht lasted less than one and a hal1 hours0 Any lon#er, and * would ha/e re5uired chiro%ractic attention0 By the time we reached our destination, both my arm and breast were a little %ain1ul, but not unbearably so0 Howe/er, by the time we #ot to our holiday a%artment, * was really 1eelin# under the weather0 !e needed a stock o1 1ood so we walked to a su%ermarket at the nearest mall, a stroll o1 about '. minutes each way0 * was walkin# so slowly that Brian asked i1 * was 1eelin# all ri#ht0 ormally * am a 5uick walker, able to match Brian:s %ace, but ri#ht then my hand and 1in#ers were 1eelin# hea/y, as i1 a11licted with %ins and needles, and #enerally * 1elt out o1 sorts0 By the ne4t day, * 1elt 1ine0 Howe/er, * decided that on the 1li#ht back, * would wear a %ressure slee/e, which the nurse had recommended but the doctor had said was unnecessary0 3he holiday was rela4in# and unstress1ul, and we did a lot o1 walkin# and si#htseein#0 3he only blemish was on the last ni#ht, when we went out to eat at a restaurant and had a disa#reement o/er the menu0 *n the end, althou#h * conceded to a/oid a disa#reement, * was not at all ha%%y0 Lnder normal circumstances, this would not ha/e worried me, and * would ha/e just #one ahead and ordered what * really wanted0 Howe/er, at the time, * #ot u%set easily and * 1elt that Brian was bein# stubborn 1or the sole reason o1 annoyin# me0 E/en at the time, %arado4ically, * knew that this was not true; but my condition was such that * could not hel% 1eelin# annoyed and irritable0 @n the return 1li#ht, the elasticised slee/e hel%ed to alle/iate the discom1ort and, in addition, Jet Star had more com1ortable seats and more le# room0 >inally, as always, it was #reat to be home0 @n the day a1ter we arri/ed home, * %honed my sister and told her that we %lanned to /isit South A1rica durin# "ecember and would be with her 1or $hristmas0 !hen * said that, she broke down and cried, which was unlike her0 * thou#ht that she reacted like that because she had lost too many %eo%le 1rom cancer, includin# the recent death o1 a close 1riend, and was worried about me0 Perha%s she did not understand that the radiation treatment was only %recautionary and not curati/e0 * tried to calm her by reassurin# her that * was 1ine and * ho%ed that * succeeded in doin# so0 Howe/er, the incident u%set me and * #ot almost no slee%, s%endin# most o1 the ni#ht readin#0 But was it only my sister:s reaction that u%set meA !as * also worryin# about the )< days o1 treatmentA How would it 1eel and how would * reactA * ha/e to admit that these thou#hts were on my mind, constantly0 * was a bit u%set with Brian because, althou#h * 1elt like makin# lo/e, he just went to slee%0 3hat ha%%ened two ni#hts in a row0 * thou#ht resent1ully, it seems that we only do it

when he wants it0 He claims he was just tired0 @h, well, it wasn:t worth worryin# about, e/en althou#h it was annoyin# at the time0 3hat8s how * 1elt at the time, when a lot o1 thin#s were annoyin# me and addin# to me 1eelin#s o1 stress0 TRE)T,ENT >inally, the waitin# was o/er and * had my 1irst treatment session in $anberra0 * 1ound the %rocedure interestin#, not at all threatenin#, and * was sure that * would ha/e no %roblem slee%in# now that the waitin# was o/er0 Back home, * #ot a welcome %hone call 1rom a member o1 the cancer su%%ort #rou%, askin# how * was and remindin# me to be at the tea on the 1ollowin# day0 e4t day, * had no reactions a%art 1rom my ri#ht under-arm bein# a little sore0 * was still tired, but %ut it down to not slee%in# 1or two ni#hts and ha/in# only a 1it1ul slee% the %re/ious ni#ht0 * attended the su%%ort #rou% meetin# durin# mid-mornin# and a1ter most o1 the %eo%le had le1t, some o1 us stayed on, discussin# our e4%eriences with cancer0 * think that it was a #ood encounter, because some o1 the members bottle u% their 1eelin#s and need to ha/e the o%%ortunity to s%eak o%enly and 1reely0 * mentioned that Brian and * were #oin# to enter the Blackmores Sydney Ounnin# >esti/al, to be held durin# Se%tember, and would be in/itin# s%onsors 1or Breast $ancer etwork Australia0 Some o1 the members were interested in the e/ent, and one said that she would s%onsor me0 My second treatment session lasted only about hal1 an hour, i1 not less0 3wo hours tra/ellin# 1or a session o1 less than hal1 an hour= 3hat is the %enalty 1or li/in# in a country town0 3he alternati/e would be to stay in $anberra o/erni#ht, %erha%s e/en stay 1or a number o1 ni#hts0 Howe/er, Brian and * rejected that %ossibility because both o1 us enjoy our home li1e0 3hat ni#ht, Brian and * had se40 *t was really #reat, but un1ortunately was interru%ted when the %hone ran#0 *t was a 1riend, en5uirin# how * was0 *t was wonder1ul hearin# 1rom him and the interru%tion did not e/en s%oil the 5uality o1 our lo/e-makin#, which we continued at the same le/el o1 %leasure a1ter the %hone call0 6i1e is #reat, * thou#ht 2 but * just ho%e that * slee% better toni#ht0 As * ada%ted to the new routine, * was disco/erin# that * 1elt #ood durin# the mornin#s, but that * tired later in the day a1ter the tra/ellin# and the treatment0 *n 1act, * always 1elt /ery sensiti/e a1ter treatment0 3oday, because my muscles ke%t on jum%in# when they were 1i4in# me 1or treatment, the session took a little lon#er than usual0 Howe/er, that ni#ht * sle%t 5uite well and Brian and * had an enjoyable bout o1 se4 a1ter we awoke ne4t mornin#0 "urin# our mornin# e4ercise session, * 1ound that my bust was not as uncom1ortable as it had been0 3hank #oodness 1or small mercies= @n >riday, the last day o1 my 1irst week o1 treatment, * went sho%%in# and ordered 1lowers 1or my niece in Sydney, who was ha/in# a birthday and an o%eration at the same time0 * did a bit o1 other sho%%in# as well0 3hrou#hout the mornin#, * thou#ht with relie1, ?3oday is the end o1 my 1irst week o1 treatment0 *t will be #ood not ha/in# to tra/el 1or two whole days0: @nce a#ain, thank #oodness 1or small mercies= 3he second week o1 treatment be#an0 "urin# the weekend, my le1t side was uncom1ortable and my breast a little swollen0 3his be#an to dissi%ate durin# Monday and by 3uesday * was com1ortable a#ain0 Brian started work a1ter his /acation, so Eloise dro/e me

to $anberra this week, e4ce%t 1or >riday, when Brian could arran#e his work to suit my schedule0 @n Monday e/enin#, * attended the re#ular meetin# o1 a club o1 which * am a member0 !ell be1ore the end o1 the meetin#, * could not wait to #et home as * was really tired0 Howe/er, a 1riend dro/e me home and we s%ent a while in the car talkin# about her husband0 She has an unsatis1yin# marria#e, as well as health %roblems, includin# a history o1 cancer0 6istenin# to her, * realiJed how much she, like most %eo%le, needs a sym%athetic circle o1 1riends to listen and o11er su%%ort, so * in/ited her to join Eloise and me durin# our mid-week tea a%%ointment at a local ca1P0 * decided to try to make this a re#ular social #etto#ether because * 1eel that there are a lot o1 %eo%le who need someone to talk to outside o1 their 1amilies0 At the time o1 writin#, the number has #rown and now thirteen o1 us meet e/ery week0 !e all enjoy the socialisin#, as well as the o%%ortunity to talk about our %roblems to sym%athetic listeners0 Sometimes we e/en #et around to discussin# the %roblems o1 the world0 >rom small thin#s, bi# thin#s #row= >or a lon# while, * had been worried about the condition o1 the skin on Brian:s le#s, as well as on other %arts o1 his body, such as his chest0 * was a1raid that he mi#ht ha/e melanoma0 * had been ur#in# him to make an a%%ointment with a skin s%ecialist and 1inally he a#reed to do so0 !ith a sense o1 relie1, * made the a%%ointment0 * was e/en more relie/ed when, a1ter e4amination, the s%ecialist told Brian that the condition was just dry skin, which was mainly the result o1 a#ein#0 Brian commented, ?* told you so= *t:s just one more case o1 thin#s 1allin# a%art as we #et older0: Perha%s so 2 but at least * know what it is, and that:s one less thin# to worry about0 3he last week o1 radiation treatment was also the worst0 My breast was red and /ery tender to the touch, while my under-arm and adjacent back areas were also %ain1ul0 *t was di11icult to li1t my arm0 3he nurse told me that the breast, under-arm, and back sym%toms were ?normal: 1or treatment o1 this ty%e, while the %ain in my arm was a result o1 my arms bein# abo/e my head durin# the treatment0 * did not belie/e the latter dia#nosis, as * used my arm 1reely throu#hout the treatment %eriod0 *nstead, * thou#ht that the main reason was that, ambitiously, * had started to use wei#hts a#ain durin# my home #ym workouts0 * decided to sto% usin# wei#hts and to cut down the number o1 re%etitions on the arm e4ercises0 * did that and the %ain be#an to ease0 Monday 9rd Au#ust 1inally arri/ed, and * could hardly belie/e that * had reached the last day o1 my treatment0 3hrou#hout the day, * thou#ht, ha%%ily, that this was the be#innin# o1 the last %hase o1 my healin# %rocess0 3he sta11 at the clinic told me that it would take about two weeks be1ore my body was back to normal and * couldn:t wait to %ut those weeks behind me0 Sym%toms or not, * was really enjoyin# li1e at that time0 >or instance, on Saturday e/enin# we went to an en#a#ement %arty 1or one o1 the members o1 the breast cancer su%%ort #rou%, and we had a #reat time0 3he %arty was held at a local club and we would ha/e #one dancin# later, e4ce%t that it was too late by the time the dinin# and the socialisin# ended0 Gillian, the women who was #ettin# en#a#ed, had both breasts remo/ed because o1 breast cancer '( years a#o0 3here certainly is li1e a1ter cancer= @n Sunday, we did a bit o1 nestbuildin# when Brian %ut u% curtain rods in the 1amily room 2 actually, it:s our e4ercise room 2 and then we %ut u% the curtains that * had made0 Althou#h * was 1eelin# 5uite #ood #enerally, * was not slee%in# /ery well on at least 1our out o1 se/en ni#hts0 * decided that * would s%eak to the doctor about this0 >ortunately our se4 li1e did not su11er at all, althou#h * was not as randy as * was earlier0 Howe/er, we

had to be care1ul that Brian did not %ut any wei#ht on me, as that mi#ht not only be %ain1ul, but would also be dan#erous 1or my weakened ribs0 Because radiation reduces the thickness o1 the bones o1 the rib case, * will always ha/e to be care1ul not to break or injure a rib, as they are much so1ter now than they were be1ore * be#an the treatment0 So, 1or instance, * ha/e to be care1ul when e4ercisin# with wei#hts0 *n 1act, * ha/e been ad/ised that it would be %re1erable not to use them or, i1 * do, to ?listen to my body:0 A1ter my last treatment session, * had a consultation with a s%ecialist at the clinic in $anberra0 She said that she was /ery ha%%y with my %ro#ress and that * had not been unusually ?burned: Hi0e0 caused to ha/e red skinI by the radiation0 * asked her about the %ain on the back o1 my arm but she did not know what could ha/e caused it0 Anyway, all the si#ns were that * had a clean bill o1 health, and that was /ery satis1yin#0 "urin# the dri/e 1rom $anberra 2 the last one 1or this %articular %ur%ose 2 * decided that * would try to chan#e to a 1emale GP, 1or #eneral %ur%oses as well as to #et re1errals to the s%ecialist whom * had just seen, as * would be seein# her 1or another year at least0 (O$T-TRE)T,ENT 3hat e/enin#, Brian and * had snacks with s%arklin# wine Hwe aren:t allowed call it ?cham%a#ne:, are weAI to celebrate the end o1 my treatment0 3he celebration was enjoyable, but didn:t end as * had %lanned0 * was so tired that, instead o1 ha/in# rousin# se4, * was aslee% by the time Brian came to bed0 Another time, %erha%sQ e4t mornin#, we joined a women:s break1ast #rou% at which Brian was the in/ited s%eaker0 *n this %ost-treatment %hase, * e4%ected to be sheddin# sym%toms ra%idly but instead 1ound that the muscles under my arm were /ery sti11 and sore0 !hat could be the matterA * mana#ed to do some weedin#, but then 1ound that * was stru##lin# to stay awake until Brian arri/ed home 1rom work at D %0m0 As the day went on, my muscles 1elt /ery ti#ht and * had a minor headache0 3his was worryin#0 * had not 1elt so ?down: durin# the whole %eriod o1 the treatment0 !ednesday, the second day a1ter treatment ended, and * was 1eelin# a lot better0 * met with three 1riends 1or our weekly tea date0 My idea was that we could enjoy each other:s com%any and listen to each other:s %roblems and it seemed to be workin# well0 *n 1act, two more women would be joinin# us the 1ollowin# week0 A1ter that, * had a consultation with "r @8$onnors0 She said that e/erythin# was 1ine and that the tenderness and discom1ort would disa%%ear in time0 She also told me that the schedule with s%ecialists would be that, 1or the ne4t two years, * would see her e/ery si4 months, and the other s%ecialist e/ery three months0 A1ter that, * would see just one s%ecialist annually 1or the ne4t '( years0 * asked "r @8$onnors whether the 1act that * had cancer meant that members o1 my 1amily had a #reater risk o1 contractin# the disease, but she assured me that they 1aced no more than a normal risk, which is 'N 1or the %o%ulation o/er all0 @n 3hursday, the third day a1ter treatment ended, Eloise and * did our Meals on !heels deli/eries0 * was concerned to 1ind that, whereas 1ormerly * had no %roblems in 1indin# the addresses 1or deli/eries, now * was #ettin# con1used0 * really did not know what was wron#0 !as it a result o1 the treatmentA *1 so, was it %ermanent, or would it disa%%ear with timeA Another ad/erse result o1 the treatment was that the le1t side o1 my mouth was so uncom1ortable that * could only eat so1t 1ood0 !hen * saw my new G0P0 to #et a re1erral to

the oncolo#y s%ecialist, * also mentioned this condition0 She said that it was a reaction to the treatment and #a/e me some mouth rinse0 *n addition, she ad/ised me that my memory loss was caused by the treatment0 Ho%e1ully, it would only be tem%orary= By the ne4t week, my mouth was on the mend, and so was the u#ly mark under my breast, which looked like a cross between sunburn and bad cha1in#0 * wished that it would heal 5uickly because it caused me a lot o1 discom1ort by cha1in# under my bra0 Also, * realiJed that * would ha/e to curb my natural tendency to be acti/e and ener#etic, because * o/erdid thin#s that mornin# when * s%ent ). minutes cleanin# the kitchen ceilin#0 3he result was that * was tired and so sore that * had to take %ain killers durin# the a1ternoon0 * attended a meetin# o1 the cancer su%%ort #rou% where * s%oke about my own su%%ort #rou%, which * was tryin# to #et o11 the #round0 A re%resentati/e o1 the $ancer $ouncil, who was a #uest at the meetin#, thou#ht that it was a #ood idea0 My intention was that we would not be a su%%ort #rou% 1or any %articular a11liction or %roblem, but rather a su%%ort #rou% 1or anyone who wanted to join0 !e would ad/ise, talk with, and com1ort each other, and would not ha/e 1ormal acti/ities such as lectures or %resentations0 Suddenly it was a month since the end o1 treatment0 * still e4%erienced %ain in a 1ew %laces, but did not tire so easily0 *n 1act, li1e was almost back to normal0 "urin# this time, we had the e4citement and %leasure o1 becomin# Australians0 About '. 1riends and ac5uaintances were %resent at the local council chamber to witness the ceremony, at which the mayor %resided with just the ri#ht mi4ture o1 1riendliness and 1ormality0 3hen almost e/eryone went back to our house 1or drinks and snacks0 !ayne dro/e 1rom Sydney 1or the occasion and that e/enin# we went out to a restaurant 1or a %leasant dinner0 All in all, it was an enjoyable occasion, and, 1or me, it was #ood to see 1riends 1rom both my club and the cancer su%%ort #rou% there0 A 1ew weeks later, we went on a walk with the local bushwalkin# club0 ear the end o1 the walk, * sli%%ed and 1ell as * was walkin# down on a stee% slo%e with a loose sur1ace0 !hile tryin# to %rotect my le1t side, * hurt my ri#ht arm and lower back, but by !ednesday both areas were 1eelin# better0 3his was a #ood si#n, because it su##ested not only that my body was in #ood sha%e, but that it was healin# 5uickly in s%ite o1 the o%eration and radiation thera%y0 About one month a1ter treatment ended, * be#an attendin# the cancer #rou% that met re#ularly at the hos%ital0 Part o1 the %ro#ram in/ol/ed a5uatic e4ercises and * enjoyed the warm swimmin# %ool e/en althou#h, unlike most o1 the %artici%ants, * could do the e4ercises /ery easily0 * also attended an Lnderstandin# $ancer course, which was run by the $ancer $ouncil S! once %er week o/er three weeks0 *ULL ON THE RO)D TO RE+O%ER "urin# mid-Se%tember, se/en weeks a1ter my treatment ended, Brian and * %artici%ated in Blackmores Sydney Ounnin# >esti/al, an annual e/ent which com%rises a number o1 courses, ran#in# 1rom a 1our-kilometre 1amily walkErun to a 1ull marathon0 All o1 the e/ents entailed %artici%ants settin# o11 1rom the northern side o1 the Harbour Brid#e, crossin# the brid#e Hwhich was closed to tra11icI and 1inishin# in 1ront o1 the @%era House0 !e chose the nine-kilometres Brid#e Oun0 At the time that we re#istered, mid-way throu#h my treatment, * didn:t want to enter 1or a lon#er distance because * didn:t know how * would be 1eelin# by the time o1 the e/ent0 Howe/er, * was not too a%%rehensi/e about my ability to

handle the e/ent as Brian and * maintain a reasonable le/el o1 1itness0 A%art 1rom workin# out on our home #ym e5ui%ment, which * re1erred to earlier, we walk 1or an hour or more about twice e/ery week0 >or lon#er walks, whene/er %ossible we join the members o1 the local bushwalkers club on their monthly outin#s0 *n addition, we seldom use our car to #et around town; * walk and Brian usually rides his bicycle0 3here were other reasons 1or my decision to %artici%ate in the 1esti/al, namely that * 1elt that it was a way o1 showin# 1riends and 1amily that * was well on the way to 1ull reco/ery, and that it o11ered an o%%ortunity o1 showin# a%%reciation 1or the care and su%%ort that * had recei/ed0 So we submitted our entries and re#istered as s%onsors o1 Breast $ancer etwork Australia, usin# a joint s%onsorshi% %a#e0 * must admit that * did not think that we would be able to raise much money, because, ha/in# li/ed in Australia 1or just o/er two years, our network o1 ac5uaintances was relati/ely small0 othin# daunted, * sent out e-mails to the clubs and societies o1 which * am a member, to our new 1riends, and to 1amily members in Australia and Southern A1rica0 Aulden, our youn#er son, res%onded almost immediately with a donation o1 M.((0 @ur tar#et amount was MD((, so we were o11 to a #ood start= By the day o1 the race, we had raised M,'(, and almost M)((( by the time that the s%onsorshi% closed0 @n the mornin# o1 Saturday )+th Se%tember, the day be1ore the e/ent, we went to the %ark ne4t to $ircular Kuay and si#ned in 1or the race, #ettin# our /est numbers and timin# chi%s at the same time0 A1ter that, the weather bein# 1ine, we took the 1erry to Manly and had a warm-u% walk 1or about two hours0 !e were stayin# with !ayne and his 1amily in northern Sydney, and that e/enin# we took the whole 1amily out 1or a meal in a restaurant0 By the time that we #ot back to the house, * was ready 1or bed0 !e awoke early on Sunday to 1ind that the day was 1ine and warm0 3he only blemish was that there was a lot o1 smoke 1rom back-burnin# in the Hornsby area0 !e le1t our car at Hornsby station and took the train to Milsons Point, ho%in# that the area around the brid#e would not be a11ected by the smoke0 Howe/er, there was no reason 1or concern as the sky o/er central Sydney was beauti1ully clear0 At e/ery station between Hornsby and Milsons Point, more and more race %artici%ants joined the train0 By the time the train le1t $hatswood, so many %assen#ers were wearin# /ests and runnin# shoes that it looked as i1 the train had been reser/ed e4clusi/ely 1or the e/ent0 Howe/er, the 1ull ma#nitude o1 the e/ent really came home to us when we looked out o1 the train as it drew into Milsons Point station and saw thousands o1 %eo%le walkin# and runnin# u% the a%%roach road onto the brid#e on the 1irst %hase o1 the 1amily e/ent0 3he multi-lane roadway was literally com%letely co/ered in %eo%le, wall to wall so to s%eak, as was the sur1ace o1 the brid#e 1or as 1ar as we could see0 !e be#an by headin# 1or the Breast $ancer etwork Australia stand, as * had been told that we could #et 1ree bandanas and %ink lady emblems there to show that we were s%onsorin# B$ A0 3he attendants at the stand were /ery 1riendly and hos%itable, and at their su##estion * bou#ht the %ink lady la%el %in that denotes cancer sur/i/ors0 * wore it durin# the e/ent, and * ha/e been wearin# it e/er since0 "urin# the race, * wore the %ink bandana on my head while Brian wore his o/er the crown o1 his bush hat0 Both o1 us wore the %ink lady cutouts %inned to our backs0 *t was #ood to 1eel that we were doin# this 1or a cause and that, by so doin#, we were %art o1 somethin# much bi##er than oursel/es0 3he atmos%here at the %ark was really 1riendly and cheer1ul0 *n s%ite o1 the crush, %eo%le were talkin# to each other and jokin# as we all slowly made our way towards the startin# %osts0 3here was such a crowd that, althou#h our e/ent be#an at -09( a0m0, we only

crossed the startin# line at )' minutes to + a0m0 So it took us, and the %artici%ants around us, almost '( minutes just to make our way to the start-line= 3he way was clear on the other side o1 the line and %eo%le be#an to run as soon as they crossed it0 Howe/er, * couldn:t ha/e run e/en i1 * had wanted to do so, as it would ha/e been too uncom1ortable 1or my breast0 Brian said that * should set the %ace, which * did, knowin# that * could kee% it u% 1or the whole walk0 Sometimes it wasn:t easy to maintain a consistent %ace because o1 bottlenecks but #enerally we mana#ed to kee% #oin# steadily0 At the one-kilometre %oint, in the middle o1 the brid#e, a youn# woman had already colla%sed and was lyin# on the roadway, %robably su11erin# 1rom cram%0 * muttered, ?*1 someone that youn# can:t do it, will * mana#e itA: Brian re%lied, ?"on:t be silly= Fou are /ery 1it0 @1 course you can do it0: 3he walk across Harbour Brid#e was really e4citin#, as u% until then * had only e/er crossed it by train0 !e enjoyed the e4%erience so much that at a 1ew %oints Brian had me walkin# backwards so that he could %hoto#ra%h me a#ainst the backdro% o1 the brid#ework0 3hen, as we came o11 the brid#e and turned le1t, we looked o/er the @%era House 2 always a stunnin# si#ht, es%ecially in 1ine weather 2 and were amaJed to see that the whole area was already %acked with %eo%le0 @nwards we went, kee%in# u% a steady %ace o1 about nine and three-5uarters o1 a minute %er kilometre0 3he day was warm and there were only two water %oints alon# the route but 1ortunately we had our own su%%ly, so it was not a %roblem0 Howe/er, * did hear other %artici%ants com%lainin# that there should ha/e been more water %oints0 As we #ot near the end, we decided that we would im%ro/e our time by jo##in# 1or the last hal1 kilometre0 Howe/er, it was down hill all the way to the @%era House and * ha/e a tendency to 1all 1lat e/en on a sli#ht slo%e, so we just ke%t u% our steady %ace0 !e crossed the 1inishin# line in one hour and '. minutes, which * 1elt was reasonably #ood #oin# H1or our a#es, anyway 2 * was <. years o1 a#e, and Brian was <D #oin# on <.=I0 !ould * %artici%ate in the e/ent a#ainA * was sure that * would, but %robably not the 1ollowin# year, as * did not 1eel that * could ask 1riends and 1amily to s%onsor me a#ain so soon0 *n retros%ect, %artici%atin# in this e/ent meant a lot to me, and * did achie/e all o1 my #oals0 By com%letin# the distance, and doin# so at a decent %ace, * demonstrated to mysel1, 1amily members, and 1riends that * was 1it and also well on the way to reco/ery0 Secondly, * raised a reasonable amount o1 money 1or Breast $ancer etwork Australia0 3his was not only a tan#ible way o1 sayin# ?thank you: 1or all o1 the care and su%%ort that * recei/ed, but also acknowled#ed how im%ortant su%%ort networks ha/e been to me as com%lements to the technical and medical care0 3hirdly, as Brian and * walked to#ether with thousands o1 %eo%le who were raisin# money 1or /arious causes, many o1 them in/ol/ed with cancer, we #ot a warm 1eelin# 1or the #enerosity, both material and %ersonal, o1 the citiJens o1 our new country0 3his, surely, will be a 1actor in my reco/ery, as it has been already0 A1ter * #a/e a written account o1 our walk to /arious or#aniJations o1 which * am a member, my club sent it to the local news%a%er with a 1oreword statin# that they had s%onsored me0 3he news%a%er #a/e it 1ull co/era#e, to#ether with a %hoto#ra%h o1 me on the walk0 *n the %ast, the %ublicity mi#ht ha/e embarrassed me, but now * was ha%%y to ha/e the co/era#e because it not only %ubliciJed the work that the club does 1or women:s wel1are but also mi#ht ha/e #i/en ho%e and coura#e to women who were dealin# with breast cancer0 A1ter the article a%%eared, the amount donated increased0 @ne woman, who made a donation

a1ter readin# the article, commented ?Good on you: on the web %a#e0 * say ?Good on e/eryone: who assisted and su%%orted me throu#hout my journey with breast cancer0 L#*E "OE$ ON 6ess than two months a1ter my treatment ended, we went on an e4cursion with the local bushwalkers club durin# a lon# weekend0 3he weather in the south-eastern %art o1 the Snowy Mountains was cold and wet, but we had a #reat time0 @n e/ery one o1 the three days, we did walks o1 about two hours each, the 1irst two with dam% boots in wet and muddy conditions0 * handled the e4ercise well and 1elt that * was back on track, literally and 1i#urati/ely0 A1ter that, we s%ent one ni#ht at home and then went to a rural centre, where * had been asked to cook 1or ), %eo%le who were attendin# a Kuaker retreat0 * a#reed because the or#aniJers were des%erate, the location was attracti/e, and the com%any %romised to be interestin#0 3he deal was that we would recei/e 1ree board and lod#in# 1or si4 ni#hts in return 1or doin# the cookin#0 Brian accom%anied me to assist with the hea/y work which * could not do, such as li1tin# bi# %ots and cuttin# /e#etables0 *n amused 1ashion, he re1erred to himsel1 as the senior assistant to the senior cook0 @ur work started at <09( a0m0 each mornin#, when we cooked %orrid#e, sliced 1ruit, and laid out the break1ast bu11et0 "irectly a1ter break1ast we would start %re%arin# the lunch, which was usually a thick sou%0 !e also s%ent 5uite a lot o1 time tidyin# and rearran#in# the kitchen and cold room, as at 1irst it was /ery di11icult to 1ind what we needed0 A1ter lunch we would rest 1or an hour, then either read or #o 1or a walk in the countryside around the centre0 3hen, at mid-a1ternoon, it was back to the kitchen to %re%are the e/enin# meal0 3his was a com%licated a11air, as we had to cater 1or a number o1 s%ecial re5uirements, such as #luten1ree, su#ar-1ree, and %rotein-rich dishes0 !e tried to satis1y e/eryone:s needs, and #enerally succeeded0 A1ter the e/enin# meal, we would join the #rou% 1or a discussion 1ollowed by the e%ilo#ue0 By this time * was tired out and sometimes * would #o to slee% sittin# in a chair0 3his could ha/e been embarrassin#, e4ce%t that most %eo%le knew that * was reco/erin# 1rom an encounter with breast cancer0 @n our last e/enin# there, which was also the 1arewell occasion 1or that #rou% o1 course %artici%ants, e/eryone was re5uested to write to write %ositi/e and a11irmin# comments about e/eryone else0 Amon#st the comments that * recei/ed were the 1ollowin#, which es%ecially deli#hted and encoura#ed me7 R ?3HA C F@L S@ ML$H= Four care 1or me has been e4em%lary and * won:t 1or#et it0 * wish you a /ery healthy and ha%%y 1uture, and ho%e to meet you a#ain0: R ?* ha/e been struck by your ener#y, terri1ic #ood humour, and con1ident en#a#ement with all we are doin#0 *t has stabilised this community wonder1ully0: R ?Four stren#th 1ollowin# your time o1 illness has been wonder1ul0 3hank you 1or carin# 1or us so ably0 * ho%e our %aths will cross a#ain0: R ?* admire your stren#th, coura#e and u%-1ront attitude to li1e0 A sense o1 humour always hel%s to see you throu#h the hard times0:

3hese were encoura#in# and heartenin# comments= ONE E)R L)TER About one year a1ter my o%eration and treatment, * decided to end this book by writin# some more about the journey0 Be1ore * was dia#nosed with cancer, we had told our 1amily members in Southern A1rica that we would be /isitin# them durin# "ecember and January0 A1ter discussin# my condition and %ros%ects, we decided that it would be a #ood thin# i1 we ke%t to our %lans as it would be a decisi/e way o1 %ro/in# to our 1amily and 1riends that * was doin# well0 So, soon a1ter my o%eration, we booked return air tickets between Sydney and Johannesbur#0 3hen, 1or #ood measure, we booked return tickets between Johannesbur# and Amsterdam, as well as intra-Euro%ean 1li#hts to >rance and the LC0 3here was a small %roblem that had to be dealt with be1ore * could take to the skies, namely that * had de/elo%ed a mouth abscess be1ore * was dia#nosed with cancer but had been too 1ri#htened to ha/e anythin# done about it0 Howe/er, be1ore the o%eration the anaesthetist said that * should not 1ly until the tooth had been taken out, as abscesses o1ten 1lare u% at hi#h altitudes0 So in o/ember * summoned u% my coura#e and went alon# to the dentist0 8Sorry, 8 he said, 8* can8t treat you because it is too soon since you had radiation treatment0 3here has to be a s%ace o1 si4 months08 3his meant that * would ha/e to 1ly with the abscess untreated0 >ortunately, howe/er, * had an a%%ointment with the oncolo#ist in mid- o/ember so * thou#ht that * would discuss the matter with her0 But 1irst * had to under#o the e4amination which, * must admit, was 1ar 1rom %leasant0 An intern did the most o1 the work and * was in tears be1ore the end o1 the e4amination0 Seein# my distress, the doctor a%olo#ised and said that she should ha/e asked how my breast was 1eelin# be1ore allowin# a student to e4amine me0 3he doctor then had a look at me and, my distress a%art, the #ood news was that there were no %roblems0 Be1ore lea/in#, * took the o%%ortunity to s%eak to the doctor about the abscess and told her what the dentist had said0 She snorted in disbelie1 and commented, 8!here do all these myths come 1romA Fou didn8t ha/e radiation to the jaw=8 3hen she wrote a letter sayin# that the tooth could be taken out without any harm bein# done0 So, two weeks be1ore our o/erseas tri%, the tooth was remo/ed and it really was not as bad as * thou#ht it would be0 !ithin two days the abscess was #one and * was 1eelin# much more com1ortable0 Howe/er, with one tooth missin# -- the only one, * am ha%%y to say= -- * must admit that * do not 1ind eatin# as easy as it used to be, e/en now, si4 months a1ter the e4traction So, in mid-"ecember we be#an our tri% with a 1li#ht 1rom Sydney to Sin#a%ore 1rom where, a1ter a short sto%-o/er, we would take another 1li#ht to Johannesbur#0 Hal1-way between Sydney and Sin#a%ore, * had a stran#e turn0 !hile watchin# a mo/ie on the small screen in 1ront o1 my seat, * started 1eelin# ill and li#ht-headed, and then %assed out0 Brian and the youn# woman in the seat ne4t to me were /ery alarmed0 *n 1act, Brian said that he wondered whether he would ha/e been wise to arran#e li1e insurance in addition to tra/el insurance0 H* think that he was jokin#=I * was only unconscious 1or a 1ew seconds and, when * re/i/ed, * heard Brian askin# a 1li#ht attendant i1 there was any medical assistance on the 1li#ht0 3he re%ly was, 8Sorry, there8s no assistance, but * can #et her an as%irin08 3hese were duly deli/ered; * took them and then be#an to re/i/e0 * was 1ine 1or the rest o1 the 1li#ht and *

had no more 1aintin# s%ells durin# the whole tri%0 "id this brie1 but alarmin# e%isode ha/e somethin# to do with my o%eration and treatmentA * really don8t know the answer0 A1ter * re/i/ed, Brian #rinned and said that, when he asked 1or medical assistance, he wondered i1 the 1li#ht attendant would re%ly, 8Fes, there is a "r Harlech-Jones on board08 Brian is 8"r Harlech-Jones8, but he has a doctorate in the social sciences and knows almost nothin# about medical matters0 He says that i1 he %ut 8M"8 a1ter his name, it would stand 1or 8Medical "unce80 *n the Eastern $a%e re#ion o1 South A1rica, we s%ent time with my sister and with Brian:s brother0 !e also contacted Brian8s brother8s estran#ed wi1e0 H* will call her 8Susan80I She had been dia#nosed with cancer o1 the mouth and, at the time that we saw her, the treatment had not been a success1ul as %lanned0 3hin#s had not #one well 1or Susan, althou#h the medical s%ecialists had assured her that the cancer was #one0 3he sym%toms and treatment were causin# her %ain and distress, and she looked and 1elt unha%%y0 Since then she has been back in hos%ital 1or 1our months and, thank1ully, it a%%ears that matters are im%ro/in#0 !hen one has cancer and doesn8t conceal the 1act, you hear about many others who are worse o11 than yoursel10 @1 course, there was Susan and her condition, as * ha/e just said0 3hen an old 1riend told me about his youn#est dau#hter, who has breast cancer0 She is in her early 9(:s and had both breasts remo/ed just a1ter the birth o1 her youn#est child0 Another 1riend at the $hristmas %arty was dia#nosed with bowel cancer0 He had had the o%eration but was waitin# 1or 1urther treatment0 3he best %art o1 a #ood $hristmas /isit was that our youn#er son and his wi1e took 1our days o11 their tra/els, when they were 1ollowin# the South A1rica /ersus En#land cricket test series around the country, to /isit us0 !e all had $hristmas "ay with my niece and 1amily and then, a 1ew days be1ore ew Fear, we cau#ht the 1li#ht to Amsterdam to /isit my cousin and her husband who li/e in northern Holland0 *n s%ite o1 arri/in# in the midst o1 a #reat Euro%ean 1reeJe, which continued 1or most o1 the time that were there, we had a #reat time0 Actually, althou#h it endan#ered some o1 our tra/el %lans, all the snow, ice, bliJJards, and cold weather added an e4tra dimension to our e4%erience0 *n Holland, my cousin, June, and * went sho%%in# at the ew Fear sales0 !e #irls had a #reat time 1indin# and buyin# clothin# at reasonable %rices, but * don8t think that our husbands were all that im%ressed0 e4t we went to the south o1 >rance to /isit old 1riends who li/e 5uite close to the Oi/iera0 3his was sli#htly warmer with no snow, e4ce%t on the surroundin# mountains0 @ur 1riends took us on si#ht-seein# tri%s and e/ery day we had lunch in a di11erent restaurant7 1or instance, one day in central ice, the ne4t day on the coast near $annes0 *t was a wonder1ul e4%erience, e4ce%t that * must admit that * was 5uite tired by < %0m0 each day0 Howe/er, in >rance, dinner is eaten at a late hour and our 1riend, Oachel, is an e4cellent cook, so there was no early to bed0 3he 1reeJe-u% in Britain made us 1ear that we would not be able to 1ly 1rom ice to Gatwick Air%ort in time to catch other connections0 Howe/er, by #reat #ood 1ortune, a1ter three days o1 cancelled 1li#hts and with almost e/ery other air%ort in >rance closed because o1 snow, our scheduled 1li#ht did take o110 *t was delayed 1or about three hours but, 1inally, it was in the air and headin# 1or Britain0 * wish that * had su11icient words to describe the scene as our 1li#ht dro%%ed under the clouds and cruised across the south o1 En#land towards Gatwick Air%ort0 3he countryside really looked like the %ro/erbial 1airy land0 >ields, hills, trees, roads, roo1s -- all were co/ered in thick, undisturbed snow0 3he 1resh snow had no tracks on it0 o /ehicles

could be seen anywhere, e4ce%t as white mounds, as they were co/ered by 1resh-1allen snow0 3hen, while we waited 1or a train at snow-co/ered Gatwick station, the snow started to 1all so1tly and 1ell all the way to Eastbourne, where our 1riends met us at the station0 3hey a%olo#ised that we would ha/e to walk to their home as their car was stuck in the snow0 So, with the snow 1allin# thick and wet, we dra##ed our suitcases alon# sli%%ery sidewalks to their 1lat0 *t was a new e4%erience and a #reat a%%etiJer= 3he ne4t day, #ettin# there by walkin# cautiously on snow-encrusted sidewalks, we attended a Kuaker meetin# in central Eastbourne0 3he three other %eo%le who were there a%olo#ised 1or the %oor attendance, e4%lainin# that the bliJJards and snow had ke%t e/eryone else at home0 @n the Monday, we 1lew to Edinbur#h0 @nce a#ain, we stayed with an old 1riend0 About 1our years earlier, "a/id had lost his wi1e to cancer, so he was /ery %leased to see me lookin# so well0 By this time the snow still had not melted, so we walked around the city in the cold and the snow, si#ht-seein# and recallin# the time when we li/ed there 1or a year durin# the )+-(s0 Both o1 us enjoyed our /isit #reatly0 @ne o1 my hi#hli#hts was lunchin# at the Ele%hant House restaurant, which is where J0 C0 Oawlin#s wrote some %arts o1 her Harry Potter books0 eedless to say, * enjoy the books0 A1ter Edinbur#h, it was back to Holland 1or a lon# weekend with cousin June and her husband, "ouwe, who took us to charmin# but still icy "utch towns such as Edam, Bollendam, and Marken0 3hen, 1rom 1roJen Euro%e we 1lew to warm South A1rica 1or a week, thinkin# o1 sunshine and beaches0 Howe/er, the best laid %lans o1 mice and men o1ten #o awry7 * #ot bronchitis, 1our days be1ore we were due to return to Australia0 * /isited a doctor and was #i/en medication, but my condition just #ot worse0 !e were due to lea/e on Monday and on the %recedin# Saturday * was so sick -- in 1act, * was shakin#, as i1 with a 1e/er -- that Brian wanted to %ost%one our 1li#hts0 * /isited an emer#ency clinic where the doctor ad/ised me to sto% takin# all o1 the medication that had been %rescribed because * was ha/in# a bad reaction to one o1 the dru#s0 !ithin twenty-1our hours * was 1eelin# much better, and we were able to be#in the return tri% as scheduled0 *t was a wonder1ul and memorable tri% but, to be honest, we really should ha/e restricted our /isit to South A1rica and %erha%s nei#hbourin# amibia0 My bronchitis and tiredness were messa#es 1rom my body to tell me that * was doin# too much across too many time Jones and with too many se/ere chan#es o1 climate0 *n the year since my o%eration and treatment, * ha/e been li/in# li1e to the 1ull, and doin# thin#s that * want to0 * ha/e been moti/ated to #et in/ol/ed with cancer alle/iation and care initiati/es because * 1eel it is im%ortant 1or me to #i/e back to the cancer community in reco#nition o1 what * ha/e recei/ed0 >or instance, * ha/e attended all o1 the $ancer $ouncil meetin#s in our town, and * am thinkin# o1 joinin# the 86i/e !ell a1ter $ancer8 %ro#ram0 * ha/e also been a%%ointed to $ancer Australia8s ational $onsumer Ad/isory Grou%, and, a1ter attendin# a worksho% in $anberra, * am lookin# 1orward to doin# 1urther work with the or#anisation0 * also want to become in/ol/ed in $an Assist as well as with $ancer Boices0 3he Bi##est Mornin# 3ea has been another a/enue o1 in/ol/ement0 Oecently, * attended a Bi##est Mornin# 3ea e/ent arran#ed by my 3hai $hi class a1ter which, on the 1ollowin# day, the #rou% o1 1riends who * call 83he !ednesday Grou%8 Hthat8s when we meet 1or tea e/ery week -- there are now )9 re#ular %artici%antsI hosted a Bi##est Mornin# 3ea at my home0 * made a lot o1 the arran#ements and really enjoyed doin# so0 3hen, on the 1ollowin# day, the Breast $ancer Su%%ort Grou% had a tea at the library0 *t was my job to do

all o1 the ad/ertisin#, and * also hel%ed durin# the e/ent0 @n that occasion, * realiJed that some o1 our #rou% were 1eelin# /ery de%ressed, and * be#an thinkin# about what * could do to hel% them to deal with their 1eelin#s0 * was also e4cited to ha/e been awarded a short consultancy 1or a %roject in L#anda0 *n 1act, * should ha/e /isited L#anda already, but the %roject has been delayed because o1 hea/y rains and an outbreak o1 malaria0 * am writin# this about one year a1ter my o%eration and about ten months a1ter my treatment ended0 @1 course, i1 * had a choice, * would not ha/e chosen to ha/e breast cancer0 *t has been a stress1ul, an4ious, o1ten %ain1ul, and always uncom1ortable %eriod0 And yet, ha/in# said that, li1e is o1ten ironical0 Good sometimes comes out o1 mis1ortune, and o1ten in une4%ected ways0 ow my social diary is 1uller than e/er, * ha/e met new 1riends and ac5uaintances, * am wiser and more knowled#eable, and, althou#h * am more aware o1 my 1ra#ility, * also 1eel stron#er and more con1ident0 3hat, o1 course, is what o1ten ha%%ens on a journey0 THE END

Dear rea.er, i1 you enjoyed this book %lease s%are a moment to show your a%%reciation by ratin# and re/iewin# it -- e/en i1 you only write a 1ew lines0 !riters want to be read, they like to ha/e contact with their readers, and they like to know what their readers think about what they ha/e written0 So, %lease, do rate and re/iew this book= )/out the author Marie is an Australian citiJen who was born in South A1rica and has also li/ed in $anada, amibia, the Lnited Cin#dom and Pakistan0 She is married to Smashwords author Brian H0 Jones and 8"an#erous Journey8 is her second book0 Donation ow that you ha/e read this book, %lease consider makin# a donation by buyin# the %a%erback /ersion HP@" /ersionI at htt%7EEwww0lulu0comE%roductE%a%erbackEdan#erous-journeyE)),'D',9 Marie will donate the royalties 1rom these sales to an or#anisation that su%%orts cancer research and cancer %atients0