50 SHADES FREED 4. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy is asleep on the floor. She has beenasleep for a long time.

. I br sh her hair be!a se she li"es that. She#oesn$t %a"e p. I sha"e her. Mommy! My t mmy h rts. It ish ngry. He isn$t here. I am thirsty. In the "it!hen I p ll a !hair to thesin"& an# I ha'e a #rin". (he %ater splashes o'er my bl e s%eater.Mommy is still asleep. Mommy %a"e p! She lies still. She is !ol#.I fet!h my blan"ie& an# I !o'er Mommy& an# I lie #o%n on thesti!"y green r g besi#e her. Mommy is still asleep. I ha'e t%o toy!ars. (hey ra!e by the floor %here Mommy is sleeping. I thin"Mommy is si!". I sear!h for something to eat. In the free)er I fin#peas. (hey are !ol#. I eat them slo%ly. (hey ma"e my t mmy h rt. I 5. *+55, sleep besi#e Mommy. (he peas are gone. In the free)er is something. It smells f nny. I li!" it an# my tong e is st !" to it. I eat it slo%ly. It tastes nasty. I #rin" some %ater. I play %ith my !ars& an# I sleep besi#e Mommy. Mommy is so !ol#& an# she %on$t %a"e p. (he #oor !rashes open. I !o'er Mommy %ith my blan"ie. He$s here. F !". -hat the f !" happene# here. /h& the !ra)y f !"e# p bit!h. Shit. F !". 0et o t of my %ay& yo little shit. He "i!"s me& an# I hit my hea# on the floor. My hea# h rts. He !alls somebo#y an# he goes. He lo!"s the #oor. I lay #o%n besi#e Mommy. My hea# h rts. (he la#y poli!eman is here. 1o. 1o. 1o. Don$t to !h me. Don$t to !h me. Don$t to !h me. I stay by Mommy. 1o. Stay a%ay from me. (he la#y poli!eman has my blan"ie& an# she grabs me. I s!ream. Mommy! Mommy! I %ant my Mommy. (he %or#s are gone. I !an$t say the %or#s. Mommy !an$t hear me. I ha'e no %or#s.23hristian! 3hristian!4 Her 'oi!e is rgent& p lling him from the #epths of hisnightmare& the #epths of his #espair. 2I$m here. I$m here.4 He %a"es an# she$s leaning o'er him& grasping his sho l#ers& sha"ing him&her fa!e et!he# %ith ang ish& bl e eyes %i#e an# brimming %ith tears. 2Ana&4 His 'oi!e is a breathless %hisper& the taste of fear tarnishing hismo th. 25o $re here.4 2/f !o rse I$m here.4 2I ha# a #ream . . .4 2I "no%. I$m here& I$m here.4 2Ana.4 He breathes her name& an# it$s a talisman against the bla!" !ho"ingpani! !o rsing thro gh his bo#y. 2H sh& I$m here.4 She ! rls aro n# him& her limbs !o!ooning him& her%armth lee!hing into his bo#y& for!ing ba!" the sha#o%s& for!ing ba!" the fear.She is s nshine& she is light . . . she is his. 26lease let$s not fight.4 His 'oi!e is hoarse as he %raps his arms aro n# her. 2/"ay.4 7. 8+55, 2(he 'o%s. 1o obeying. I !an #o that. -e$ll fin# a %ay.4 (he %or#s r sh o tof his mo th in a t mble of emotion an# !onf sion an# an9iety. 25es. -e %ill. -e$ll al%ays fin# a %ay&4 she %hispers an# her lips are onhis& silen!ing him& bringing him ba!" to the no%. :. I stare p thro gh gaps in the sea grass parasol at the bl est of s"ies& s mmer bl e&Me#iterranean bl e %ith a !ontente# sigh. 3hristian is besi#e me& stret!he# o t ona s n lo nger. My h sban#;my hot& bea tif l h sban#& shirtless& an# in ! t<off=eans;is rea#ing a boo" pre#i!ting the !ollapse of the -estern ban"ing system.>y all a!!o nts& it$s a page<t rner. I ha'en$t seen

him sit this still& e'er. He loo"smore li"e a st #ent than the hotshot 3E/ of one the top pri'ately o%ne# !ompan<ies in the ?nite# States. /n the final leg of o r honeymoon& %e la)e in the afternoon s n on the bea!hof the aptly name# >ea!h 6la)a Monte 3arlo in Mona!o& altho gh %e$re not *. ,,+55,a!t ally staying in this hotel. I open my eyes an# ga)e o t at the Fair @a#yan!hore# in the harbor. -e are staying& of !o rse& on boar# a l 9 ry motor ya!ht.> ilt in ,8A*& she floats ma=esti!ally on the %ater& B een of the all the ya!hts inthe harbor. She loo"s li"e a !hil#$s %in#< p toy. 3hristian lo'es her;I s spe!the$s tempte# to b y her. Honestly& boys an# their toys. Sitting ba!"& I listen to the 3hristian 0rey mi9 on my ne% i6o# an# #o)e inthe late afternoon s n& i#ly remembering his proposal. /h his #reamy proposal inthe boatho se . . . I !an almost smell the s!ent of the mea#o% flo%ers . . .23an %e marry tomorro%.4 3hristian m rm rs softly in my ear. I am spra%le# onhis !hest in the flo%ery bo%er in the boatho se& sate# from o r passionatelo'ema"ing. 2Hmm.4 2Is that a yes.4 I hear his hopef l s rprise. 2Hmm.4 2A no.4 2Hmm.4 I sense his grin. 2Miss Steele& are yo in!oherent.4 I grin. 2Hmm.4 He la ghs an# h gs me tightly& "issing the top of my hea#. 2Cegas& tomor<ro%& it is then.4 Sleepily I raise my hea#. 2I #on$t thin" my parents %o l# be 'ery happy %iththat.4 He thr ms his fingertips p an# #o%n my na"e# ba!"& !aressing me gently. 8. ,A+55, 2-hat #o yo %ant& Anastasia. Cegas. A big %e##ing %ith all the trim<mings. (ell me.4 21ot big . . . D st frien#s an# family.4 I ga)e p at him mo'e# by the B ietentreaty in his glo%ing gray eyes. -hat #oes he %ant. 2/"ay.4 He no#s. 2-here.4 I shr g. 23o l# %e #o it here.4 he as"s tentati'ely. 25o r fol"s$ pla!e. -o l# they min#.4 He snorts. 2My mother %o l# be in se'enth hea'en.4 2/"ay& here. I$m s re my mom an# #a# %o l# prefer that.4 He stro"es my hair. 3o l# I be any happier. 2So& %e$'e establishe# %here& no% the %hen.4 2S rely yo sho l# as" yo r mother.4 2Hmm.4 3hristian$s smile #ips. 2She !an ha'e a month& that$s it. I %ant yo too m !h to %ait any longer.4 23hristian& yo ha'e me. 5o $'e ha# me for a %hile. > t o"ay;a month itis.4 I "iss his !hest& a soft !haste "iss& an# smile p at him.25o $ll b rn.4 3hristian %hispers in my ear& startling me from my #o)e. 2/nly for yo .4 I gi'e him my s%eetest smile. (he late afternoon s n hasshifte#& an# I am n#er its f ll glare. He smir"s an# in one s%ift mo'e p lls mys n lo nger into the sha#e of the parasol. 2/ t of the Me#iterranean s n& Mrs. 0rey.4 2(han" yo for yo r altr ism& Mr. 0rey.4 ,0. ,E+55, 2My pleas re& Mrs. 0rey& an# I$m not being altr isti! at all. If yo b rn& I%on$t be able to to !h yo .4 He raises an eyebro%& his eyes shining %ith mirth&an# my heart e9pan#s. 2> t I s spe!t yo "no% that an# yo $re la ghing at me.4 2-o l# I.4 I gasp& feigning inno!en!e. 25es yo %o l# an# yo #o. /ften. It$s one of the many things I lo'e abo tyo .4 He leans #o%n an# "isses me& playf lly biting my lo%er lip. 2I %as hoping yo $# r b me #o%n %ith more s ns!reen.4 I po t against hislips. 2Mrs. 0rey& it$s a #irty =ob . . . b t that$s an offer I !an$t ref se. Sit p&4 heor#ers& his 'oi!e h s"y. I #o as I$m tol#& an# %ith slo% meti! lo s stro"es fromstrong an# s pple

fingers& he !oats me in s ns!reen. 25o really are 'ery lo'ely. I$m a l !"y man&4 he m rm rs as his fingerss"im o'er my breasts& sprea#ing the lotion. 25es& yo are& Mr. 0rey.4 I ga)e !oyly p at him thro gh my lashes. 2Mo#esty be!omes yo & Mrs. 0rey. ( rn o'er. I %ant to #o yo r ba!".4 Smiling& I roll o'er& an# he n#oes the ba!" strap of my hi#eo sly e9pensi'ebi"ini. 2Ho% %o l# yo feel if I %ent topless& li"e the other %omen on the bea!h.4 Ias". 2Displease#&4 he says %itho t hesitation. 2I$m not 'ery happy abo t yo %earing so little right no%.4 He leans #o%n an# %hispers in my ear. 2Don$t p shyo r l !".4 2Is that a !hallenge& Mr. 0rey.4 21o. It$s a statement of fa!t& Mrs. 0rey.4 I sigh an# sha"e my hea#. /h& 3hristian . . . my possessi'e& =ealo s& !ontrolfrea" 3hristian. -hen he$s finishe#& he slaps my behin#. 25o $ll #o& %en!h.4 His e'er<present& e'er<a!ti'e >la!">erry b ))es. I fro%n an# he smir"s. 2My eyes only& Mrs. 0rey.4 He raises his eyebro% in playf l %arning& slapsmy ba!"si#e on!e more& an# sits ba!" #o%n on his lo nger to ta"e the !all. My inner go##ess p rrs. Maybe tonight %e !o l# #o some "in# of floor sho%for his eyes only. She smir"s "no%ingly& ar!hing a bro%. I grin at the tho ght an##rift ba!" into my afternoon siesta. ,,. ,4+55,2Mam$selle. ?n 6errier po r moi& n 3o!a<3ola light po r ma femme& s$il 'o splait. Et B elB e !hose a manger . . . laisse)<moi 'oir la !arte.4 Hmm . . . 3hristian spea"ing fl ent Fren!h %a"es me. My eyelashes fl tter inthe glare of the s n& an# I fin# 3hristian %at!hing me %hile a li'erie# yo ng %o<man %al"s a%ay& her tray hel# aloft& her high blon# ponytail s%ingingpro'o!ati'ely. 2(hirsty.4 he as"s. 25es&4 I m tter sleepily. 2I !o l# %at!h yo all #ay. (ire#.4 I fl sh. 2I #i#n$t get m !h sleep last night.4 2Me neither.4 He grins& p ts #o%n his >la!">erry& an# stan#s. His shorts falla little an# hang . . . in that %ay so his s%im tr n"s are 'isible beneath. 3hristianta"es his shorts off& stepping o t of his flip<flops. I lose my train of tho ght. 23ome for a s%im %ith me.4 He hol#s o t his han# %hile I loo" p at him&#a)e#. 2S%im.4 he says again& !o!"ing his hea# to one si#e& an am se# e9pres<sion on his fa!e. -hen I #on$t respon#& he sha"es his hea# slo%ly. 2I thin" yo nee# a %a"e< p !all.4 S ##enly he po n!es an# lifts me into hisarms %hile I shrie"& more from s rprise than alarm. 23hristian! 6 t me #o%n!4 I sB eal. He !h !"les. 2/nly in the sea& baby.4 Se'eral s nbathers on the bea!h %at!h %ith that bem se# #isinterest so typi!<al& I no% reali)e& of the Fren!h as 3hristian !arries me to the sea& la ghing& an#%a#es in. I !lasp my arms aro n# his ne!". 25o %o l#n$t.4 I say breathlessly& tryingto stifle my giggling. He grins. 2/h& Ana& baby& ha'e yo learne# nothing in the short time %e$'e"no%n ea!h other.4 He "isses me& an# I sei)e my opport nity& r nning my fingersthro gh his hair& grasping t%o han#f ls an# "issing him ba!" %hile in'a#ing hismo th %ith my tong e. He inhales sharply an# leans ba!"& eyes smo"y b t %ary. 2I "no% yo r game&4 he %hispers an# slo%ly sin"s into the !ool& !lear %ater&ta"ing me %ith him as his lips fin# mine on!e more. (he !hill of the Me#iter<ranean is soon forgotten as I %rap myself aro n# my h sban#. 2I tho ght yo %ante# to s%im&4 I m rm r against his mo th.

,A. ,5+55, 25o $re 'ery #istra!ting.4 3hristian gra)es his teeth along my lo%er lip. 2> tI$m not s re I %ant the goo# people of Monte 3arlo to see my %ife in the throesof passion.4 I r n my teeth along his =a%& his st bble ti!"ly against my tong e& not !aringa #ime for the goo# people of Monte 3arlo. 2Ana&4 he groans. He %raps my ponytail aro n# his %rist an# t gs gently&tilting my hea# ba!"& e9posing my throat. He trails "isses from my ear #o%n myne!". 2Shall I ta"e yo in the sea.4 he breathes. 25es&4 I %hisper. 3hristian p lls a%ay an# ga)es #o%n at me& his eyes %arm& %anting& an#am se#. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo $re insatiable an# so bra)en. -hat sort of monster ha'e I!reate#.4 2A monster fit for yo . -o l# yo ha'e me any other %ay.4 2I$ll ta"e yo any %ay I !an get yo & yo "no% that. > t not right no%. 1ot%ith an a #ien!e.4 He =er"s his hea# to%ar# the shore. -hat. S re eno gh& se'eral s nbathers on the bea!h ha'e aban#one# their in#iffer< en!e an# no% regar# s %ith interest. S ##enly& 3hristian grabs me aro n# my%aist an# la n!hes me into the air& letting me fall into the %ater an# sin" beneaththe %a'es to the soft san# belo%. I s rfa!e& !o ghing& spl ttering an# giggling. 23hristian!4 I s!ol#& glaring at him. I tho ght %e %ere going to ma"e lo'e inthe sea . . . an# !hal" p yet another first. He bites his lo%er lip to stifle hisam sement. I splash him& an# he splashes me right ba!". 2-e ha'e all night&4 he says& grinning li"e a fool. 2@aters& baby.4 He #i'esbeneath the sea an# s rfa!es three feet a%ay from me& then in a fl i#& gra!ef l!ra%l& s%ims a%ay from the shore& a%ay from me. 0ah! 6layf l& tantali)ing Fifty! I shiel# my eyes from the s n as I %at!h himgo. He$s s !h a tease . . . %hat !an I #o to get him ba!". -hile I s%im ba!" to theshore& I !ontemplate my options. At the s n lo ngers o r #rin"s ha'e arri'e#& an#I ta"e a B i!" sip of 3o"e. 3hristian is a faint spe!" in the #istan!e. Hmm . . . I lie #o%n on my front an#& f mbling %ith the straps& ta"e my bi"initop off an# toss it !as ally onto 3hristian$s s n lo nger. (here . . . see ho% bra)enI !an be& Mr. 0rey. 6 t this in yo r pipe an# smo"e it. I sh t my eyes an# let the ,E. ,7+55,s n %arm my s"in . . . %arm my bones& an# I #rift a%ay n#er its heat& mytho ghts t rning to my %e##ing #ay.25o may "iss the bri#e&4 Re'eren# -alsh anno n!es. I beam at my h sban#. 2Finally& yo $re mine&4 he %hispers an# p lls me into his arms an# "isses me!hastely on the lips. I am marrie#. I am Mrs. 3hristian 0rey. I am gi##y %ith =oy. 25o loo" bea tif l& Ana&4 he m rm rs an# smiles& his eyes glo%ing %ithlo'e . . . an# something #ar"er& something hot. 2Don$t let anyone ta"e that #ressoff b t me& n#erstan#.4 His smile heats a h n#re# #egrees as his fingertips trail#o%n my !hee"& igniting my bloo#. Holy !rap . . . Ho% #oes he #o this& e'en here %ith all these people staring at s. I no# m tely. Dee)& I hope no one !an hear s. @ !"ily Re'eren# -alsh has#is!reetly steppe# ba!". I glan!e at the throng gathere# in their %e##ing finery . . .My mom& Ray& >ob& an# the 0reys are all appla #ing;e'en Fate& my mai# ofhonor& %ho loo"s st nning in pale pin" as she stan#s besi#e 3hristian$s best man&his brother Elliot. -ho "ne% that e'en Elliot !o l# s!r b p so %ell. All %earh ge& beaming smiles;e9!ept 0ra!e& %ho %eeps gra!io sly into a #ainty %hitehan#"er!hief. 2Rea#y to party& Mrs. 0rey.4 3hristian m rm rs& gi'ing me his shy smile. Imelt. He loo"s #i'ine in a simple bla!" t 9 %ith sil'er

%aist!oat an# tie. He$sso . . . #ashing. 2Rea#y as I$ll e'er be.4 I grin& a totally goofy smile on my fa!e. ,4. ,:+55, @ater the %e##ing party is in f ll s%ing . . . 3arri!" an# 0ra!e ha'e gone toto%n. (hey ha'e the marB ee set p again an# bea tif lly #e!orate# in pale pin"&sil'er& an# i'ory %ith its si#es open& fa!ing the bay. -e ha'e been blesse# %ithfine %eather& an# the late afternoon s n shines o'er the %ater. (here$s a #an!efloor at one en# of the marB ee& a la'ish b ffet at the other. Ray an# my mother are #an!ing an# la ghing %ith ea!h other. I feel bitter<s%eet %at!hing them together. I hope 3hristian an# I last longer. I #on$t "no%%hat I$# #o if he left me. Marry in haste& repent at leis re. (he saying ha nts me. Fate is besi#e me& loo"ing so bea tif l in her long sil" go%n. She glan!es atme an# fro%ns. 2Hey& this is s ppose# to be the happiest #ay of yo r life&4 shes!ol#s. 2It is&4 I %hisper. 2/h& Ana& %hat$s %rong. Are yo %at!hing yo r mom an# Ray.4 I no# sa#ly. 2(hey$re happy.4 2Happier apart.4 25o $re ha'ing #o bts.4 Fate as"s& alarme#. 21o& not at all. It$s = st . . . I lo'e him so m !h.4 I free)e& nable or n%illingto arti! late my fears. 2Ana& it$s ob'io s he a#ores yo . I "no% yo ha# an n!on'entional start toyo r relationship& b t I !an see ho% happy yo $'e both been o'er the pastmonth.4 She grasps my han#s& sB ee)ing them. 2>esi#es& it$s too late no%&4 shea##s %ith a grin. I giggle. (r st Fate to point o t the ob'io s. She p lls me into a FatherineFa'anagh Spe!ial H g. 2Ana& yo $ll be fine. An# if he h rts one hair on yo rhea#& he$ll ha'e me to ans%er to.4 Releasing me& she grins at %hoe'er is behin#me. 2Hi& baby.4 3hristian p ts his arms aro n# me& s rprising me& an# "isses mytemple. 2Fate&4 he a!"no%le#ges. He$s still !ool to%ar# her e'en after si9 %ee"s. 2Hello again& 3hristian. I$m off to fin# yo r best man& %ho happens to be mybest man& too.4 -ith a smile to s both& she hea#s o'er to Elliot& %ho is #rin"ing%ith her brother Ethan an# o r frien# DosG. 2(ime to go&4 3hristian m rm rs. 2Alrea#y. (his is the first party I$'e been to %here I #on$t min# being the!enter of attention.4 I t rn in his arms to fa!e him. ,5. ,*+55, 25o #eser'e to be. 5o loo" st nning& Anastasia.4 2So #o yo .4 He smiles& his e9pression heating. 2(his bea tif l #ress be!omes yo .4 2(his ol# thing.4 I bl sh shyly an# p ll on the fine la!e trim of the simple&fitte# %e##ing #ress #esigne# for me by Fate$s mother. I lo'e that the la!e is = stoff the sho l#er;#em re& yet all ring& I hope. He ben#s an# "isses me. 2@et$s go. I #on$t %ant to share yo %ith all thesepeople anymore.4 23an %e lea'e o r o%n %e##ing.4 2>aby& it$s o r party& an# %e !an #o %hate'er %e %ant. -e$'e ! t the !a"e.An# right no%& I$# li"e to %his" yo a%ay an# ha'e yo all to myself.4 I giggle. 25o ha'e me for a lifetime& Mr. 0rey.4 2I$m 'ery gla# to hear that& Mrs. 0rey.4 2/h& there yo t%o are! S !h lo'ebir#s.4 I groan in%ar#ly . . . 0ra!e$s mother has fo n# s. 23hristian& #arling;one more #an!e %ith yo r gran#ma.4 3hristian p rses his lips. 2/f !o rse& 0ran#mother.4 2An# yo & bea tif l Anastasia& go an# ma"e an ol# man happy;#an!e %ith(heo.4 2(heo& Mrs. (re'elyan.4 20ran#pa (re'elyan. An# I thin" yo !an !all me 0ran#ma. 1o%& yo t%oserio sly nee# to get %or"ing on my great<gran#"i#s. I %on$t last too m !hlonger.4

She gi'es s both a simpering smile. 3hristian blin"s at her in horror. 23ome& 0ran#mother&4 he says& h rrie#lyta"ing her han# an# lea#ing her to the #an!e floor. He glan!es ba!" at me& pra!ti!<ally po ting& an# rolls his eyes. 2@aters& baby.4 As I %al" to%ar# 0ran#pa (re'elyan& DosG a!!osts me. 2I %on$t as" yo for another #an!e. I thin" I monopoli)e# too m !h of yo rtime on the #an!e floor as it is . . . I$m happy to see yo happy& b t I$m serio s&Ana. I$ll be here . . . If yo nee# me.4 2DosG& than" yo . 5o $re a goo# frien#.4 2I mean it.4 His #ar" eyes shine %ith sin!erity. 2I "no% yo #o. (han" yo & DosG. 1o% if yo $ll please e9! se me;I ha'e a#ate %ith an ol# man.4 He f rro%s his bro% in !onf sion. ,7. ,8+55, 23hristian$s gran#father&4 I !larify. He grins. 20oo# l !" %ith that& Annie. 0oo# l !" %ith e'erything.4 2(han"s& DosG.4 After my #an!e %ith 3hristian$s e'er<!harming gran#father& I stan# by theFren!h #oors& %at!hing the s n sin" slo%ly o'er Seattle& !asting bright orange an#aB amarine sha#o%s a!ross the bay. 2@et$s go&4 3hristian rges. 2I ha'e to !hange.4 I grasp his han#& meaning to p ll him thro gh the Fren!h%in#o%s an# pstairs %ith me. He fro%ns& not n#erstan#ing& an# t gs gently onmy han#& halting me. 2I tho ght yo %ante# to be the one to ta"e this #ress off&4 I e9plain. His eyeslight p. 23orre!t.4 He gi'es me a las!i'io s grin. 2> t I$m not n#ressing yo here.-e %o l#n$t lea'e ntil . . . I #on$t "no% . . .4 He %a'es his long<fingere# han#&lea'ing his senten!e nfinishe# b t his meaning B ite !lear. I fl sh an# let go of his han#. 2An# #on$t ta"e yo r hair #o%n either&4 he m rm rs #ar"ly. 2> t;4 21o b ts& Anastasia. 5o loo" bea tif l. An# I %ant to be the one to n#ressyo .4 /h. I fro%n. 26a!" yo r going<a%ay !lothes&4 he or#ers. 25o $ll nee# them. (aylor hasyo r main s it!ase.4 2/"ay.4 -hat has he got planne#. He hasn$t tol# me %here %e$re going. Infa!t& I #on$t thin" anyone "no%s %here %e$re going. 1either Mia nor Fate hasmanage# to in'eigle the information o t of him. I t rn to %here my mother an#Fate are ho'ering nearby. 2I$m not !hanging.4 2-hat.4 my mother says. 23hristian #oesn$t %ant me to.4 I shr g as if this sho l# e9plain e'erything.Her bro% f rro%s briefly. 25o #i#n$t promise to obey&4 she remin#s me ta!tf lly. Fate tries to #is<g ise her snort as a !o gh. I narro% my eyes at her. 1either she nor my motherha'e any i#ea of the fight 3hristian an# I ha# abo t that. I #on$t %ant to rehash ,:. A0+55,that arg ment. Dee)& !an my Fifty Sha#es s l" . . . an# ha'e nightmares. (hememory is sobering. 2I "no%& Mom& b t he li"es this #ress& an# I %ant to please him.4 Her e9pression softens. Fate rolls her eyes an# ta!tf lly mo'es a%ay to lea'e s alone. 25o loo" so lo'ely& #arling.4 3arla gently t gs at a loose ten#ril of my hairan# stro"es my !hin. 2I am so pro # of yo & honey. 5o $re going to ma"e 3hristi<an a 'ery happy man.4 She p lls me into a h g. /h& Mom! 2I !an$t belie'e ho% gro%n< p yo loo" right no%. >eginning a ne% life . . .D st remember that men are from a #ifferent planet& an# yo $ll be fine.4 I giggle. 3hristian is from a #ifferent ni'erse& if only she "ne%. 2(han"s& Mom.4 Ray =oins s& smiling s%eetly at both Mom an# me. 25o ma#e a bea tif l baby girl& 3arla&4 he says& his eyes glo%ing

%ithpri#e. He loo"s so #apper in his bla!" t 9 an# pale pin" %aist!oat. (ears pri!" theba!" of my eyes. /h no . . . so far I ha'e manage# not to !ry. 2An# yo %at!he# her an# helpe# her gro% p& Ray&4 3arla$s 'oi!e is%istf l. 2An# I lo'e# e'ery single min te. 5o ma"e one hell of a bri#e& Annie.4 Rayt !"s the same loose stran# of hair behin# my ear. 2/h& Da# . . .4 I stifle a sob& an# he h gs me in his brief& a%"%ar# %ay. 25o $ll ma"e one hell of a %ife& too&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e hoarse. -hen he releases me& 3hristian is ba!" at my si#e. Ray sha"es his han# %armly. 2@oo" after my girl& 3hristian.4 2I f lly inten# to& Ray. 3arla.4 He no#s at my step#a# an# "isses my mom. (he rest of the %e##ing g ests ha'e forme# a long h man ar!h for s totra'el thro gh& lea#ing ro n# to the front of the ho se. 2Rea#y.4 3hristian says. 25es.4 (a"ing my han#& he lea#s me n#er their o tstret!he# arms %hile o r g estssho t goo# l !" an# !ongrat lations an# sho%er s %ith ri!e. -aiting %ith smilesan# h gs at the en# of the ar!h are 0ra!e an# 3arri!". In t rn they h g an# "iss sboth. 0ra!e is emotional again as %e bi# them hasty goo#<byes. ,*. A,+55, (aylor is %aiting to %his" s a%ay in the A #i S?C. As 3hristian hol#s the!ar #oor open for me& I t rn an# toss my bo B et of %hite an# pin" roses into the!ro%# of yo ng %omen that has gathere#. Mia tri mphantly hol#s it aloft& grin<ning from ear to ear. As I sli#e into the S?C la ghing at Mia$s a #a!io s !at!h& 3hristian ben#s togather the hem of my #ress. /n!e I$m safely in& he bi#s the %aiting !ro%# afare%ell. (aylor hol#s the !ar #oor open for him. 23ongrat lations& sir.4 2(han" yo & (aylor&4 3hristian replies as he seats himself besi#e me. As (aylor p lls a%ay& o r %e##ing g ests sho%er the 'ehi!le %ith ri!e.3hristian grasps my han# an# "isses my "n !"les. 2So far so goo#& Mrs. 0rey.4 2So far so %on#erf l& Mr. 0rey. -here are %e going.4 2Sea<(a!&4 he says simply an# smiles a sphin9li"e smile. Hmm . . . %hat is he planning. (aylor #oes not hea# for the #epart re terminal as I e9pe!t b t thro gh a se<! rity gate an# #ire!tly on to the tarma!. -hat. An# then I see her;3hristian$s=et . . . 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. in large bl e lettering a!ross her f selage. 2Don$t tell me yo $re mis sing !ompany property again!4 2/h& I hope so& Anastasia.4 3hristian grins. (aylor halts at the foot of the steps lea#ing p to the plane an# leaps o t ofthe A #i to open 3hristian$s #oor. (hey ha'e a brief #is! ssion& then 3hristianopens my #oor;an# rather than stepping ba!" to gi'e me room to !limb o t& heleans in an# lifts me. -hoa! 2-hat are yo #oing.4 I sB ea". 23arrying yo o'er the threshol#&4 he says. 2/h.4 Isn$t that s ppose# to be at home. He !arries me effortlessly p the steps& an# (aylor follo%s %ith my smalls it!ase. He lea'es it on the threshol# of the plane before ret rning to the A #i.Insi#e the !abin& I re!ogni)e Stephan& 3hristian$s pilot& in his niform. 2-el!ome aboar#& sir& Mrs. 0rey.4 He grins. 3hristian p ts me #o%n an# sha"es Stephan$s han#. >esi#e Stephan stan#s a#ar"<haire# %oman in her %hat. Early thirties. She$s also in niform. 23ongrat lations to yo both&4 Stephan !ontin es. ,8. AA+55, 2(han" yo & Stephan. Anastasia& yo "no% Stephan. He$s o r !aptain to#ay&an# this is First /ffi!er >eighley.4 She bl shes as 3hristian

intro# !es her an# blin"s rapi#ly. I %ant to roll myeyes. Another female !ompletely !apti'ate# by my too<han#some<for<his<o%n<goo# h sban#. 2Delighte# to meet yo &4 g shes >eighley. I smile "in#ly at her. Afterall;he is mine. 2All preparations !omplete.4 3hristian as"s them both as I glan!e aro n# the!abin. (he interior is all pale maple %oo# an# pale !ream leather. It$s lo'ely.Another yo ng %oman in niform stan#s at the other en# of the !abin;a 'erypretty br nette. 2-e ha'e the all !lear. -eather is goo# from here to >oston.4 >oston. 2( rb len!e.4 21ot before >oston. (here$s a %eather front o'er Shannon that might gi'e sa ro gh ri#e.4 Shannon. Irelan#. 2I see. -ell& I hope to sleep thro gh it all&4 says 3hristian matter<of< fa!tly. Sleep. 2-e$ll get n#er%ay& sir&4 Stephan says. 2-e$ll lea'e yo in the !apable !areof 1atalia& yo r flight atten#ant.4 3hristian glan!es in her #ire!tion an# fro%ns&b t t rns to Stephan %ith a smile. 2E9!ellent&4 he says. (a"ing my han#& he lea#s me to one of the s mpt o sleather seats. (here m st be abo t t%el'e of them in total. 2Sit&4 he says as he remo'es his =a!"et an# n#oes his fine sli'er bro!a#e'est. -e sit in t%o single seats fa!ing ea!h other %ith a small& highly polishe#table bet%een s. 2-el!ome aboar#& sir& ma$am& an# !ongrat lations.4 1atalia is at o r si#e&offering s both a glass of pin" !hampagne. 2(han" yo &4 3hristian says& an# she smiles politely at s an# retreats to thegalley. 2Here$s to a happy marrie# life& Anastasia.4 3hristian raises his glass to mine&an# %e !hin". (he !hampagne is #eli!io s. 2>ollinger.4 I as". 2(he same.4 A0. AE+55, 2(he first time I #ran" this it %as o t of tea! ps.4 I grin. 2I remember that #ay %ell. 5o r gra# ation.4 2-here are %e going.4 I$m nable to !ontain my ! riosity any longer. 2Shannon&4 3hristian says& his eyes alight %ith e9!itement. He loo"s li"e asmall boy. 2In Irelan#.4 -e$re going to Irelan#! 2(o ref el&4 he a##s& teasing. 2(hen.4 I prompt. His grin broa#ens an# he sha"es his hea#. 23hristian!4 2@on#on&4 he says& ga)ing intently at me& trying to ga ge my rea!tion. I gasp. Holy !o%. I tho ght maybe %e$# be going to 1e% 5or" or Aspen ormaybe the 3aribbean. I !an har#ly belie'e it. My lifetime ambition has been to'isit Englan#. I$m lit p from %ithin& in!an#es!ent %ith happiness. 2(hen 6aris.4 -hat. 2(hen the So th of Fran!e.4 -hoa! 2I "no% yo $'e al%ays #reame# of going to E rope&4 he says softly. 2I %antto ma"e yo r #reams !ome tr e& Anastasia.4 25o are my #reams !ome tr e& 3hristian.4 2>a!" at yo & Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers. /h my . . . 2> !"le p.4 I grin an# #o as I$m tol#. As the plane ta9is o t on to the r n%ay& %e sip o r !hampagne& grinning in<anely at ea!h other. I !an$t belie'e it. At t%enty<t%o years ol#& I$m finally lea'ingthe ?nite# States an# going to E rope;to @on#on of all pla!es. /n!e %e$re airborne& 1atalia ser'es s yet more !hampagne an# prepares o r%e##ing feast. An# %hat a feast it is;smo"e# salmon& follo%e# by roast part<ri#ge %ith a green bean sala# an# #a phinoise potatoes& all !oo"e# an# ser'e# bythe e'er<effi!ient 1atalia. 2Dessert& Mr. 0rey.4 she as"s. He sha"es his hea# an# r ns his finger a!ross his bottom lip as he loo"s B es<tioningly at me& his e9pression #ar" an# nrea#able.

A,. A4+55, 21o& than" yo &4 I m rm r& nable to brea" eye !onta!t %ith him. His lips! rl p in a small& se!ret smile an# 1atalia retreats. 20oo#&4 he m rm rs. 2I$# rather planne# on ha'ing yo for #essert.4 /h . . . here. 23ome&4 he says& rising from the table an# offering me his han#. He lea#s meto the ba!" of the !abin. 2(here$s a bathroom here.4 He points to a small #oor then lea#s me on #o%na short !orri#or an# thro gh a #oor at the en#. Dee) . . . a be#room. (he !abin is !ream an# maple %oo# an# the small#o ble be# is !o'ere# in gol# an# ta pe ! shions. It loo"s 'ery !omfortable. 3hristian t rns an# p lls me into his arms& ga)ing #o%n at me. 2I tho ght %e$# spen# o r %e##ing night at thirty<fi'e<tho san# feet. It$ssomething I$'e ne'er #one before.4 Holy !o% . . . another first. I gape at him& my heart po n#ing . . . the milehigh !l b. I$'e hear# abo t this. 2> t first I ha'e to get yo o t of this fab lo s #ress.4 His eyes glo% %ithlo'e an# something #ar"er& something I lo'e . . . something that !alls to my innergo##ess. He ta"es my breath a%ay. 2( rn aro n#.4 His 'oi!e is lo%& a thoritati'e& an# se9y as hell. Ho% !an heinf se so m !h promise into those t%o %or#s. -illingly I !omply an# his han#smo'e to my hair. 0ently he p lls o t ea!h hairpin one at a time& his e9pert fingersma"ing short %or" of the tas". My hair falls in s%athes o'er my sho l#ers& onelo!" at a time& !o'ering my ba!" an# #o%n to my breasts. I try to stan# still an#not sB irm& b t I$m a!hing for his to !h. After o r long& tiring b t e9!iting #ay& I%ant him;all of him. 25o ha'e s !h bea tif l hair& Ana.4 His mo th is !lose to my ear an# I feelhis breath& tho gh his lips #on$t to !h me. -hen my hair is free of pins& he r nshis fingers thro gh it& gently massaging my s!alp . . . oh my . . . I !lose my eyesan# sa'or the sensation. His fingers tra'el on #o%n& an# he t gs& tilting my hea#ba!" to e9pose my throat. 25o $re mine&4 he breathes an# his teeth t g my ear lobe. I groan. 2H sh no%&4 he a#monishes. He s%eeps my hair o'er my sho l#er an# trailsa finger a!ross the top of my ba!" from sho l#er to sho l#er follo%ing the la!e AA. A5+55,e#ge of my #ress. I shi'er in anti!ipation. He plants a ten#er "iss on my ba!"abo'e the first b tton on my #ress. 2So bea tif l&4 he says as he #eftly n#oes the first b tton. 25o ha'e ma#eme the happiest man ali'e to#ay.4 -ith infinite slo%ness& he nfastens ea!h one&all the %ay #o%n my ba!". 2I lo'e yo so m !h.4 (railing "isses from the nape ofmy ne!" to the e#ge of my sho l#er. >et%een ea!h "iss he m rm rs& 2I. -ant.5o . So. M !h. I. -ant. (o. >e. Insi#e. 5o . 5o . Are. Mine.4 Ea!h %or# is into9i!ating. I !lose my eyes an# tilt my hea#& gi'ing him easiera!!ess to my ne!"& an# I fall f rther n#er the spell that is 3hristian 0rey& myh sban#. 2Mine&4 he %hispers on!e more. He peels my #ress #o%n my arms so that itpools at my feet in a !lo # of i'ory sil" an# la!e. 2( rn aro n#&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e s ##enly hoarse. I #o so an# he gasps. I$m #resse# in a tight& bl sh<pin" satin !orset %ith garter straps& mat!hingla!y briefs& an# %hite sil" sto!"ings. 3hristian$s eyes tra'el gree#ily #o%n mybo#y& b t he says nothing. He = st ga)es at me& his eyes %i#e %ith %ant. 25o li"e.4 I %hisper a%are of the shy bl sh !reeping a!ross my !hee"s. 2More than li"e& baby. 5o loo" sensational. Here.4 He hol#s o t his han#an# ta"ing it& I step o t of my #ress. 2Feep still&4 he m rm rs an# %itho t ta"ing his #ar"ening

eyes off mine& her ns his mi##le finger o'er my breasts& follo%ing the line of my !orset. My breathshallo%s& an# he repeats the =o rney o'er my breasts on!e more& his tantali)ingfinger sen#ing tingles #o%n my spine. He stops an# t%irls his in#e9 finger in theair& in#i!ating that he %ants me to t rn aro n#. For him& right no%& I$# #o anything. 2Stop&4 he says. I$m fa!ing the be#& a%ay from him. His arm en!ir!les my%aist& p lling me against him& an# he n ))les my ne!". 0ently he ! ps mybreasts& toying %ith them& %hile his th mbs !ir!le o'er my nipples so that theystrain against the fabri! of my !orset. 2Mine&4 he %hispers. 25o rs&4 I breathe. @ea'ing my breasts bereft he r ns his han#s #o%n my stoma!h& o'er mybelly& an# #o%n to my thighs& his th mbs s"imming my se9. I stifle a moan. Hisfingers s"ate #o%n ea!h garter& an# %ith his s al #e9terity& he sim ltaneo sly nhoo"s ea!h one from my sto!"ings. His han#s tra'el aro n# to my behin#. AE. A7+55, 2Mine&4 he breathes as his han#s sprea# a!ross my ba!"si#e& the tips of hisfingers br shing my se9. 2Ah.4 2H sh.4 His han#s tra'el #o%n the ba!"s of my thighs& an# on!e more he n<!lips my garters. @eaning #o%n& he p lls ba!" the !o'er on the be#. 2Sit #o%n.4 I #o as I$m tol# in his thrall& an# he "neels at my feet an# gently t gs off ea!hof my %hite bri#al Dimmy 3hoos. He grasps the top of my left sto!"ing an#slo%ly peels it off& r nning his th mbs #o%n my leg . . . /h my. He repeats thepro!ess %ith my other sto!"ing. 2(his is li"e n%rapping my 3hristmas presents.4 He smiles p at methro gh his long #ar" lashes. 2A present yo $'e ha# alrea#y . . .4 He fro%ns in a#monishment. 2/h no& baby. (his time it$s really mine.4 23hristian& I$'e been yo rs sin!e I sai# yes.4 I s!oot for%ar#& ! pping his be< lo'e# fa!e in my han#s. 2I$m yo rs. I %ill al%ays be yo rs& h sban# of mine.1o%& I thin" yo $re %earing too many !lothes.4 I ben# to "iss him& an# s ##enlyhe leans p& "isses my lips& an# grasps my hea# %ith his han#s& his fingers threa#<ing into my hair. 2Ana&4 he breathes. 2My Ana.4 His lips !laim mine on!e more& his tong e in<'asi'ely pers asi'e. 23lothes&4 I %hisper& o r breath mingling as I p sh ba!" his 'est an# hestr ggles o t of it& releasing me for a moment. He pa ses& ga)ing at me& eyes%i#e& eyes %anting. 2@et me& please.4 My 'oi!e is soft an# !a=oling. I %ant to n#ress my h s<ban#& my Fifty. He sits ba!" on his heels& an# leaning for%ar# I grasp his tie;his sli'er<graytie& my fa'orite tie;an# slo%ly n#o it an# p ll it free. He raises his !hin to letme ta!"le the top b tton of his %hite shirtH then on!e it$s n#one& I mo'e on to his! ffs. He$s %earing platin m ! fflin"s; engra'e# %ith an ent%ine# A an#3;my %e##ing present to him. -hen I$'e remo'e# them& he ta"es the ! fflin"sfrom me an# fists them in his han#. (hen he "isses his fist an# sho'es them intohis pants po!"et. 2Mr. 0rey& so romanti!.4 2For yo Mrs. 0rey;hearts an# flo%ers. Al%ays.4 A4. A:+55, I ta"e his han#& an# glan!ing p thro gh my lashes& I "iss his plain platin m%e##ing ring. He groans an# !loses his eyes. 2Ana&4 he %hispers an# my name is a prayer. Rea!hing p to his se!on# shirt b tton an# mirroring him from earlier& I planta soft "iss on his !hest as I n#o ea!h of them an# %hisper bet%een ea!h "iss& 25o . Ma"e. Me. So. Happy. I. @o'e. 5o .4 He groans& an# in one s%ift mo'e& he !lasps me aro n# the %aist an#

lifts meon to the be#& follo%ing me #o%n on to it. His lips fin# mine& his han#s ! rlingaro n# my hea#& hol#ing me& stilling me as o r tong es glory in ea!h other.Abr ptly 3hristian "neels p& lea'ing me breathless an# %anting more. 25o are so bea tif l . . . %ife.4 He r ns his han#s #o%n my legs then graspsmy left foot. 25o ha'e s !h lo'ely legs. I %ant to "iss e'ery in!h of them. Start<ing here.4 He presses his lips against my big toe an# then gra)es the pa# %ith histeeth. E'erything so th of my %aistline !on' lses. His tong e gli#es p my instepan# his teeth s"im my heel an# p to my an"le. He trails "isses p the insi#e ofmy !alfH soft %et "isses. I %riggle beneath him. 2Still& Mrs. 0rey&4 he %arns& an# s ##enly he flips me on to my stoma!h an#!ontin es his leis rely =o rney %ith his mo th p the ba!" of my legs& to mythighs& my behin#& an# then he stops. I groan. 26lease . . .4 2I %ant yo na"e#&4 he m rm rs an# slo%ly nhoo"s my !orset& one hoo" ata time. -hen it$s flat on the be# beneath me& he r ns his tong e p the length ofmy spine. 23hristian& please.4 2-hat #o yo %ant& Mrs. 0rey.4 His %or#s are soft an# !lose to my ear. He$salmost lying on top of me . . . I !an feel him har# against my behin#. 25o .4 2An# I yo & my lo'e& my life . . . &4 he %hispers& an# before I "no% it& he$sflippe# me on to my ba!". He stan#s s%iftly an# in one effi!ient mo'e #ispenses%ith his pants an# bo9er briefs so that he$s glorio sly na"e# an# looming largean# rea#y o'er me. (he small !abin is e!lipse# by his #a))ling bea ty an# his%ant an# nee# of me. He leans #o%n an# peels off my panties then ga)es #o%n atme. 2Mine&4 he mo ths. 26lease&4 I beg an# he grins . . . a sala!io s& %i!"e#& tempting& all<Fifty grin. A5. A*+55, He !ra%ls ba!" onto the be# an# trails "isses p my right leg this time . . . n<til he rea!hes the ape9 of my thighs. He p shes my legs %i#er apart. 2Ah . . . %ife of mine&4 he m rm rs an# then his mo th is on me. I !lose myeyes an# s rren#er to his oh<so<a#roit tong e. My han#s fist in his hair as my hipss%ing an# s%ay& sla'e to his rhythm& then b !" off the small be#. He grabs myhips to still me . . . b t #oesn$t stop the #eli!io s tort re. I$m !lose& so !lose. 23hristian.4 I moan. 21ot yet&4 he breathes an# he mo'es p my bo#y& his tong e #ipping into myna'el. 21o!4 Damn! I sense his smile against my belly as his =o rney !ontin esnorth. 2So impatient& Mrs. 0rey. -e ha'e ntil %e to !h #o%n on the Emeral#Isle.4 Re'erentially he "isses my breasts an# t gs my left nipple bet%een his lips.0a)ing p at me& his eyes are #ar" li"e a tropi!al storm as he teases me. /h my . . . I$# forgotten. E rope. 2H sban#& I %ant yo . 6lease.4 He looms p o'er me& his bo#y !o'ering mine& resting his %eight on his el<bo%s. He r ns his nose #o%n mine& an# I r n my han#s #o%n his strong& s ppleba!" to his fine& fine ba!"si#e. 2Mrs. 0rey . . . %ife. -e aim to please.4 His lips br sh. 2I lo'e yo .4 2I lo'e yo & too.4 2Eyes open. I %ant to see yo .4 23hristian . . . ah . . . &4 I !ry& as he slo%ly sin"s into me. 2Ana& oh Ana&4 he breathes an# he starts to mo'e. 2-hat the hell #o yo thin" yo $re #oing.4 3hristian sho ts& %a"ing mefrom my 'ery pleasant #ream. He$s stan#ing all %et an# bea tif l at the en# of mys n lo nger an# glaring #o%n at me. -hat ha'e I #one. /h no . . . I$m lying on my ba!" . . . 3rap& !rap& !rap an#he$s ma#. Shit. He$s really ma#.

A7. I am s ##enly 'ery a%a"e& my eroti! #ream forgotten. 2I %as on my front. I m st ha'e t rne# o'er in my sleep.4 I %hisper %ea"lyin my #efense. His eyes bla)e %ith f ry. He rea!hes #o%n& s!oops p my bi"ini top from hiss n lo nger an# tosses it at me. 26 t this on!4 he hisses. 23hristian& no one is loo"ing.4 2(r st me. (hey$re loo"ing. I$m s re (aylor an# the se! rity !re% are en=oy<ing the sho%!4 he snarls. A:. E0+55, Holy shit! -hy #o I "eep forgetting abo t them. I grasp my breasts in pani!&hi#ing them. E'er sin!e 3harlie (ango$s sabotage# #emise& %e are !onstantlysha#o%e# by #amne# se! rity. 25es&4 3hristian snarls. 2An# some slea)y f !"ing papara))i !o l# get a shotof yo & too. Do yo %ant to be all o'er the !o'er of Star maga)ine. 1a"e# thistime.4 Shit! (he papara))i! F !"! As I h rrie#ly s!ramble into my top& all th mbs&the !olor #rains from my fa!e. I sh ##er. (he npleasant memory of being be<siege# by the papara))i o tsi#e SI6 after o r engagement %as lea"e# !omes n< %el!ome to min#;all part of the 3hristian 0rey pa!"age. 2@$a##ition!4 3hristian snaps at the passing %aitress. 2-e$re going&4 he saysto me. 21o%.4 25es. 1o%.4 /h shit& he$s not to be arg e# %ith. He p lls on his shorts& e'en tho gh his tr n"s are #ripping %et& then his gray(<shirt. (he %aitress is ba!" in a moment %ith his !re#it !ar# an# the !he!". Rel !tantly& I %riggle into my t rB oise s n#ress an# step into my flip<flops./n!e the %aitress has left& 3hristian snat!hes p his boo" an# >la!">erry an#mas"s his f ry behin# mirrore# a'iator glasses. He$s bristling %ith tension an# an< ger. My heart sin"s. E'ery other %oman on the bea!h is topless;it$s not that bigof a !rime. In fa!t I loo" o## %ith my top on. I sigh in%ar#ly& my spirits sin"ing. Itho ght 3hristian %o l# see the f nny si#e . . . sort of . . . maybe if I$# staye# onmy front& b t his sense of h mor has e'aporate#. 26lease #on$t be ma# at me&4 I %hisper& ta"ing his boo" an# >la!">erry fromhim an# pla!ing them in my ba!"pa!". 2(oo late for that&4 he says B ietly;too B ietly. 23ome.4 (a"ing my han#&he signals p to (aylor an# his t%o si#e"i!"s& the Fren!h se! rity offi!ers 6hil<ippe an# 0aston. -eir#ly& they are i#enti!al t%ins. (hey ha'e been patiently%at!hing s an# e'eryone else on the bea!h from the 'eran#ah. -hy #o I "eepforgetting abo t them. Ho%. (aylor is stony<fa!e# behin# his #ar" glasses. Shit&he$s ma# at me& too. I$m still not se# to seeing him so !as ally #resse# in shortsan# a bla!" polo shirt. A*. E,+55, 3hristian lea#s me into the hotel& thro gh the lobby& an# o t onto the street.He remains silent& broo#ing an# ba#<tempere#& an# it$s all my fa lt. (aylor an#his team sha#o% s. 2-here are %e going.4 I as" tentati'ely& ga)ing p at him. 2>a!" to the boat.4 He #oesn$t loo" at me. I ha'e no i#ea of the time. I thin" it m st be abo t fi'e or si9 in the afternoon.-hen %e rea!h the marina& 3hristian lea#s me onto the #o!" %here the motorboatan# Det S"i belonging to the Fair @a#y are moore#. As 3hristian nties the Det S"i&I han# my ba!"pa!" to (aylor. I glan!e ner'o sly p at him& b t li"e 3hristian&his e9pression gi'es nothing a%ay. I fl sh& thin"ing abo t %hat he$s seen on thebea!h. 2Here yo go& Mrs. 0rey.4 (aylor passes me a life 'est from the motorboat&an# I # tif lly p t it on. -hy am I

the only one %ho has to %ear a life =a!"et.3hristian an# (aylor e9!hange some "in# of loo". Dee)& is he angry %ith (aylor&too. 3hristian then !he!"s the straps on my life =a!"et& !in!hing the mi##le onetightly. 25o $ll #o&4 he m tters s llenly& still not t rning to loo" at me. Shit. He !limbs gra!ef lly on to the Det S"i an# hol#s o t his han# for me to =oinhim. 0rasping it tightly& I manage to thro% my leg o'er the seat behin# him%itho t falling into the %ater %hile (aylor an# the t%ins !lamber into the motor<boat. 3hristian "i!"s the Det S"i a%ay from the #o!"& an# it floats gently into themarina. 2Hol# on&4 he or#ers& an# I p t my arms aro n# him. (his is my fa'orite partof tra'eling by Det S"i. I h g him !losely& my nose n ))ling into his ba!"& mar<'eling that there %as a time %hen he %o l# not ha'e tolerate# me to !hing himthis %ay. He smells goo# . . . of 3hristian an# the sea. Forgi'e me& 3hristian&please. He stiffens. 2Stea#y&4 he says& his tone softer. I "iss his ba!" an# rest my!hee" against him& loo"ing ba!" to%ar# the #o!" %here a fe% holi#ayma"ers ha'egathere# to %at!h the sho%. 3hristian t rns the "ey an# the motor roars to life. -ith one t%ist of the a!<!elerator& the Det S"i b !"s for%ar# an# spee#s a!ross the !ool #ar" %ater&thro gh the marina an# o t to the !enter of the harbor to%ar# the Fair @a#y. Ihol# him tighter. I lo'e this;it$s so e9!iting. E'ery m s!le in 3hristian$s leanframe is e'i#ent as I !ling to him. A8. EA+55, (aylor p lls alongsi#e in the motorboat. 3hristian glan!es at him then a!!el<erates again& an# %e shoot for%ar#& %hipping o'er the top of the %ater li"e an e9<pertly tosse# pebble. (aylor sha"es his hea# in resigne# e9asperation an# hea#sstraight to the ya!ht& %hile 3hristian shoots past the Fair @a#y an# hea#s o t to<%ar# the open %ater. (he sea spray is splashing s& the %arm %in# b ffeting my fa!e an# flayingmy ponytail !ra)ily aro n# me. (his is so m !h f n. Maybe the thrill of this ri#e%ill #ispel 3hristian$s ba# moo#. I !an$t see his fa!e& b t I "no% he$s en=oyinghimself;!arefree& a!ting his age for a !hange. He steers in a h ge semi!ir!le an# I st #y the shoreline;the boats in themarina& the mosai! of yello%& %hite an# san#< !olore# offi!es an# apartments& an#the !raggy mo ntains behin#. It loo"s so #isorgani)e#;not the regimente# blo!"sthat I am se# to;b t so pi!t resB e. 3hristian glan!es o'er his sho l#er at me&an# there$s the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. 2Again.4 he sho ts o'er the noise of the engine. I no# enth siasti!ally. His ans%ering grin is #a))ling& an# he opens thethrottle an# spee#s aro n# the Fair @a#y an# on o t to sea on!e more . . . an# Ithin" I$m forgi'en.25o $'e !a ght the s n&4 3hristian says mil#ly as he n#oes my life 'est. Ian9io sly try to assess his moo#. -e are on #e!" aboar# the ya!ht& an# one of theste%ar#s is stan#ing B ietly nearby& %aiting for my life 'est. 3hristian passes it tohim. 2-ill that be all& sir.4 the yo ng man as"s. I lo'e his Fren!h a!!ent. 3hristianglan!es at me& ta"es off his sha#es& an# slips them into the !ollar of his (<shirt&letting them hang. 2-o l# yo li"e a #rin".4 he as"s me. 2Do I nee# one.4 He !o!"s his hea# to one si#e. 2-hy %o l# yo say that.4 His 'oi!e is soft. 25o "no% %hy.4 He fro%ns as if %eighing something in his min#. /h& %hat is he thin"ing.

E0. EE+55, 2(%o gin an# toni!s& please. An# some n ts an# oli'es&4 he says to the ste%<ar#& %ho no#s an# B i!"ly 'anishes. 25o thin" I$m going to p nish yo .4 3hristian$s 'oi!e is sil"y. 2Do yo %ant to.4 25es.4 2Ho%.4 2I$ll thin" of something. Maybe %hen yo $'e ha# yo r #rin".4 An# it$s a sen< s al threat. I s%allo%& an# my inner go##ess sB ints from her s n lo nger %hereshe$s trying to !at!h rays %ith a sil'er refle!tor fanne# o t at her ne!". 3hristian$s fro%ns on!e more. 25o %ant to be.4 Ho% #oes he "no%. 2Depen#s&4 I m tter& fl shing. 2/n %hat.4 He hi#es his smile. 2If yo %ant to h rt me or not.4 His mo th presses into a har# line& h mor forgotten. He leans for%ar# an#"isses my forehea#. 2Anastasia& yo $re my %ife& not my s b. I #on$t e'er %ant to h rt yo . 5o sho l# "no% that by no%. D st . . . = st #on$t ta"e yo r !lothes off in p bli!. I#on$t %ant yo na"e# all o'er the tabloi#s. 5o #on$t %ant that& an# I$m s re yo rmom an# Ray #on$t %ant that either.4 /h! Ray. Holy shit& he$# ha'e a !oronary. -hat %as I thin"ing. I mentally!astigate myself. (he ste%ar# appears %ith o r #rin"s an# sna!"s an# pla!es them on the tea"table. 2Sit&4 3hristian !omman#s. I #o as he says an# settle into a #ire!tor$s !hair.3hristian ta"es a seat besi#e me an# passes me a gin an# toni!. 23heers& Mrs. 0rey.4 23heers& Mr. 0rey.4 I ta"e a %el!ome sip. It$s thirst<B en!hing& !ol#& an# #e<li!io s. -hen I ga)e at him& he$s %at!hing me !aref lly& his moo# nrea#able. It$s'ery fr strating . . . I #on$t "no% if he$s still ma# at me. I #eploy my patente# #is<tra!tion te!hniB e. 2-ho o%ns this boat.4 I as". 2A >ritish "night. Sir Somebo#y<or< /ther. His great<gran#father starte# agro!ery store. His #a ghter$s marrie# to one of the 3ro%n 6rin!es of E rope.4 /h. 2S per<ri!h.4 E,. E4+55, 3hristian loo"s s ##enly %ary. 25es.4 2@i"e yo &4 I m rm r. 25es.4 /h. 2An# li"e yo &4 3hristian %hispers an# pops an oli'e into his mo th. I blin"rapi#ly . . . a 'ision of him in his t 9 an# sil'er %aist!oat !omes to min# . . . hiseyes b rning %ith sin!erity as he ga)es #o%n at me # ring o r %e##ing!eremony. 2All that is mine is no% yo rs&4 he says& his 'oi!e ringing o t !learly re!itinghis 'o%s from memory. All mine. Holy !o%. 2It$s o##. 0oing from nothing to4;I %a'e my han# toin#i!ate o r op lent s rro n#ings;2to e'erything.4 25o $ll get se# to it.4 2I #on$t thin" I$ll e'er get se# to it.4 (aylor appears on #e!". 2Sir& yo ha'e a !all.4 3hristian fro%ns b t ta"es theproffere# >la!">erry. 20rey&4 he snaps an# rises from his seat to stan# at the bo% of the ya!ht. I ga)e o t at the sea& t ning o t his !on'ersation %ith Ros;I thin";hisn mber t%o. I am ri!h . . . stin"ing ri!h. I ha'e #one nothing to earn thismoney . . . = st marrie# a ri!h man. I sh ##er as my min# #rifts ba!" to o r !on<'ersation abo t pren ps. It %as the S n#ay after his birth#ay& an# %e %ere seate#at the "it!hen table en=oying a leis rely brea"fast . . . all of s. Elliot& Fate& 0ra!e&an# I %ere #ebating the merits of ba!on 'ers s sa sage& %hile 3arri!" an# 3hristi<an rea# the S n#ay paper . . . EA. E5+55,2@oo" at this&4 sB eals Mia as she sets her netboo" on the "it!hen table in front of s. 2(here$s a gossipy item on the Seattle 1oo) %ebsite abo t yo being engage#&3hristian.4 2Alrea#y.4 0ra!e says in s rprise. (hen her mo th p rses as some ob'io sly npleasant tho ght !rosses her min#.

3hristian fro%ns. Mia rea#s the !ol mn o t lo #. 2-or# has rea!he# s here at (he 1oo) thatSeattle$s most eligible ba!helor& the 3hristian 0rey& has finally been snappe# pan# %e##ing bells are in the air. > t %ho is the l !"y& l !"y la#y. (he 1oo) is onthe h nt. >et she$s rea#ing one hell 'a pren p.4 Mia giggles then stops abr ptly as 3hristian glares at her. Silen!e #es!en#s&an# the atmosphere in the 0rey "it!hen pl nges to belo% )ero. /h no! A pren p. (he tho ght has ne'er !rosse# my min#. I s%allo%& feelingall the bloo# #rain from my fa!e. 6lease gro n#& s%allo% me p no%! 3hristianshifts n!omfortably in his !hair as I glan!e apprehensi'ely at him. 21o&4 he mo ths at me. 23hristian&4 3arri!" says gently. 2I$m not #is! ssing this again&4 he snaps at 3arri!" %ho glan!es at mener'o sly an# opens his mo th to say something. 21o pren p!4 3hristian almost sho ts at him an# broo#ingly goes ba!" torea#ing his paper& ignoring e'eryone else at the table. (hey loo" alternately at methen him . . . then any%here b t at the t%o of s. 23hristian&4 I m rm r. 2I$ll sign anything yo an# Mr. 0rey %ant.4 Dee)& it%o l#n$t be the first time he$s ma#e me sign something. 3hristian loo"s p an#glares at me. 21o!4 he snaps. I blan!h on!e more. 2It$s to prote!t yo .4 23hristian& Ana;I thin" yo sho l# #is! ss this in pri'ate&4 0ra!e a#mon< ishes s. She glares at 3arri!" an# Mia. /h #ear& loo"s li"e they$re in tro ble& too. 2Ana& this is not abo t yo &4 3arri!" m rm rs reass ringly. 2An# please !allme 3arri!".4 3hristian narro%s !ol# eyes at his father an# my heart sin"s. Hell . . . He$sreally ma#. E'eryone er pts into animate# !on'ersation& an# Mia an# Fate leap p to!lear the table. 2I #efinitely prefer sa sage&4 e9!laims Elliot. EE. E7+55, I stare #o%n at my "notte# fingers. 3rap. I hope Mr. an# Mrs. 0rey #on$tthin" I$m some "in# of gol# #igger. 3hristian rea!hes o'er an# grasps both myhan#s gently in one of his. 2Stop it.4 Ho% #oes he "no% %hat I$m thin"ing. 2Ignore my #a#&4 3hristian says so only I !an hear him. 2He$s really pisse#abo t Elena. (hat st ff %as all aime# at me. I %ish my mom ha# "ept her mo thsh t.4 I "no% 3hristian is still smarting from his 2tal"4 %ith 3arri!" abo t Elenalast night. 2He has a point& 3hristian. 5o $re 'ery %ealthy& an# I$m bringing nothing too r marriage b t my st #ent loans.4 3hristian ga)es at me& his eyes blea". 2Anastasia& if yo lea'e me& yo mightas %ell ta"e e'erything. 5o left me on!e before. I "no% ho% that feels.4 Holy F !"! 2(hat %as #ifferent&4 I %hisper& mo'e# by his intensity. 2> t . . .yo might %ant to lea'e me.4 (he tho ght ma"es me si!". He snorts an# sha"es his hea# %ith mo!" #isg st. 23hristian& yo "no% I might #o something e9!eptionally st pi#;an#yo . . .4 I glan!e #o%n at my "notte# han#s& pain lan!ing thro gh me& an# I$m nable to finish my senten!e. @osing 3hristian . . . f !". 2Stop. Stop no%. (his s b=e!t is !lose#& Ana. -e$re not #is! ssing it anymore. 1o pren p. 1ot no%;not e'er.4 He gi'es me a pointe# gi'e<it< p<no%loo"& %hi!h silen!es me. (hen he t rns to 0ra!e. 2Mom&4 he says. 23an %e ha'ethe %e##ing here.4 E4. E:+55,An# he$s not mentione# it again. In fa!t at e'ery opport nity he$s trie# to reass reme abo t his %ealth . . . that$s it mine& too. I sh ##er as I re!all the !ra)y shoppingfest 3hristian #eman#e# I go on %ith 3aroline

A!ton;the personal shopper from1iemans;in preparation for this honeymoon. My bi"ini alone !ost fi'e h n#re#an# forty #ollars. I mean& it$s ni!e& b t really;that$s a ri#i! lo s amo nt ofmoney for fo r triang lar s!raps of material. 25o %ill get se# to it&4 3hristian interr pts my re'erie as he res mes hispla!e at the table. 2?se# to it.4 2(he money&4 he says& rolling his eyes. /h& Fifty& maybe %ith time. I p sh the small #ish of salte# almon#s an#!ashe%s to%ar# him. 25o r n ts& sir&4 I say %ith as straight a fa!e as I !an manage& trying to bringsome h mor to o r !on'ersation after my #ar" tho ghts an# my bi"ini top fa 9pas. He smir"s. 2I$m n ts abo t yo .4 He ta"es an almon#& his eyes spar"ling %ith%i!"e# h mor as he en=oys my little =o"e. He li!"s his lips. 2Drin" p. -e$re go<ing to be#.4 -hat. 2Drin"&4 he mo ths at me& his eyes #ar"ening. /h my& the loo" he gi'es me !o l# be solely responsible for global %arming.I pi!" p my gin an# #rain the glass& not ta"ing my eyes off him. His mo th #ropsopen& an# I glimpse the tip of his tong e bet%een his teeth. He smiles le%#ly atme. In one fl i# mo'e& he stan#s an# ben#s o'er me& resting his han#s on the armsof my !hair. 2I$m going to ma"e an e9ample of yo . 3ome. Don$t pee&4 he %hispers in myear. I gasp. Don$t pee. Ho% r #e. My s b!ons!io s loo"s p from herboo";(he 3omplete %or"s of 3harles Di!"ens& Col. ,;%ith alarm. 2It$s not %hat yo thin".4 3hristian smir"s& hol#ing his han# o t to me.2(r st me.4 He loo"s so se9y an# genial. Ho% !an I resist. 2/"ay.4 I pla!e my han# in his& be!a se B ite simply& I$# tr st him %ith mylife. -hat has he got planne#. My heart starts po n#ing in anti!ipation. E5. E*+55, He lea#s me a!ross the #e!" an# thro gh the #oors into the pl sh& bea tif llyappointe# main salon& along a narro% !orri#or& thro gh the #ining room& an##o%n the stairs to the main master !abin. (he !abin has been !leane# sin!e this morning an# the be# ma#e. It$s a lo'elyroom. -ith t%o portholes on both the starboar# an# port si#es& it$s elegantly #e!<orate# in #ar" %aln t f rnit re %ith !ream %alls an# soft f rnishings in gol# an#re#. 3hristian releases my han#& p lls his (<shirt o'er his hea#& an# tosses it ontoa !hair. He steps o t of his flip<flops an# remo'es his shorts an# tr n"s in onegra!ef l mo'e. /h my. -ill I e'er tire of loo"ing at him na"e#. He is tterly gor<geo s an# all mine. His s"in glo%s;he$s !a ght the s n& too& an# his hair islonger& flopping o'er his forehea#. I am one l !"y& l !"y girl. He grasps my !hin& p lling slightly so that I stop biting my lip an# r ns histh mb along my lo%er lip. 2(hat$s better.4 He t rns an# stri#es o'er to the impressi'e armoire thatho ses his !lothes. He pro# !es t%o pairs of metal han#! ffs an# an airline eyemas" from the bottom #ra%er. Han#! ffs! -e$'e ne'er se# han#! ffs. I glan!e B i!"ly an# ner'o sly atthe be#. -here the hell is he going to atta!h those. He t rns an# ga)es stea#ily atme& his eyes #ar" an# l mino s. 2(hese !an be B ite painf l. (hey !an bite into the s"in if yo p ll too har#.4He hol#s p one pair. 2> t I really %ant to se them on yo no%.4 Holy f !". My mo th goes #ry. 2Here.4 He stal"s gra!ef lly for%ar# an# han#s me a set. 2Do yo %ant to trythem first.4 (hey feel soli#& the metal !ol#. Cag ely& I hope I ne'er ha'e to %ear a pair ofthese for real. 3hristian is %at!hing me intently. 2-here are the "eys.4 My 'oi!e %a'ering. He hol#s o t his palm& re'ealing a small metalli! "ey. 2(his #oes both sets.

Infa!t& all sets.4 Ho% many sets #oes he ha'e. I #on$t remember seeing any in the m se m!hest. He stro"es my !hee" %ith his in#e9 finger& trailing it #o%n to my mo th. Heleans in as if to "iss me. E7. E8+55, 2Do yo %ant to play.4 he says& his 'oi!e lo%& an# e'erything in my bo#yhea#s so th as #esire nf rls #eep in my belly. 25es&4 I breathe. He smiles. 20oo#.4 He plants a featherlight "iss on my forehea#. 2-e$re go<ing to nee# a safe %or#.4 -hat. 2Stop %on$t be eno gh be!a se yo %ill probably say that& b t yo %on$tmean it.4 He r ns his nose #o%n mine;the only !onta!t bet%een s. My heart starts po n#ing. Shit . . . Ho% !an he #o this %ith = st %or#s. 2(his is not going to h rt. It %ill be intense. Cery intense& be!a se I am notgoing to let yo mo'e. /"ay.4 /h my. (his so n#s so hot. My breathing is too lo #. F !"& I am pantingalrea#y. My inner go##ess has her seB ins on an# is %arming p to #an!e ther mba. (han" hea'ens I$m marrie# to this man& other%ise this %o l# be embar<rassing. My eyes fli!" #o%n to his aro sal. 2/"ay.4 My 'oi!e is barely a #ible. 23hoose a %or#& Ana.4 /h . . . 2A safe %or#&4 he says softly. 26opsi!le.4 I say& panting. 26opsi!le.4 he says& am se#. 25es.4 He grins as he leans ba!" to ga)e #o%n at me. 2Interesting !hoi!e. @ift pyo r arms.4 I #o& an# 3hristian grasps the hem of my s n#ress& lifts it o'er my hea#& an#tosses it on the floor. He hol#s o t his han#& an# I gi'e him ba!" the han#! ffs.He pla!es both sets on the be#si#e table along %ith the blin#fol# an# yan"s theB ilt off the be#& letting it fall to the floor. 2( rn ro n#.4 I t rn& an# he n#oes my bi"ini top so that it falls to the floor. 2(omorro%& I %ill staple this to yo &4 he m tters an# t gs on my hair tie&freeing my hair. He gathers it into one han# an# yan"s gently so I step ba!"against him. Against his !hest. Against his ere!tion. I gasp as he p lls my hea# toone si#e an# "isses my ne!". E:. 40+55, 25o %ere 'ery #isobe#ient&4 he m rm rs in my ear& sen#ing #eli!io sshi'ers thro gh me. 25es&4 I %hisper. 2Hmm. -hat are %e going to #o abo t that.4 2@earn to li'e %ith it&4 I breathe. His soft lang i# "isses are #ri'ing me %il#.He grins against my ne!". 2Ah& Mrs. 0rey. 5o are e'er the optimist.4 He straightens. (a"ing my hair& he !aref lly parts it into three stran#s& brai#sit slo%ly& an# then fastens my hair tie to the en#. He t gs my brai# gently an#leans #o%n to my ear. 2I am going to tea!h yo a lesson&4 he m rm rs. Mo'ing s ##enly& he grabs me by the %aist& sits #o%n on the be#& an# yan"sme a!ross his "nee so that I feel his ere!tion presse# against my belly. He sma!"smy ba!"si#e on!e& har#. I yelp& then I$m on my ba!" on the be#& an# he$s ga)ing#o%n at me& his eyes molten gray. I$m going to !omb st. 2Do yo "no% ho% bea tif l yo are.4 He trails his fingertips p my thigh sothat I tingle . . . e'ery%here. -itho t ta"ing his eyes off me& he gets p from thebe# an# gathers both sets of han#! ffs. He grasps my left leg an# snaps one ! ffaro n# my an"le. /h! @ifting my right leg& he repeats the pro!ess so I ha'e a pair of han#! ffs at<ta!he# to ea!h an"le. I still ha'e no i#ea %here he$s going to atta!h them. 2Sit p&4 he or#ers an# I !omply imme#iately. 21o% h g yo r "nees.4 I blin" at him then #ra% my legs p so they are bent in front of me an# %rapmy arms aro n# them. He rea!hes #o%n& lifts my !hin& an# plants a soft %et "isson my lips before slipping the

blin#fol# o'er my eyes. I !an see nothing& all I !anhear is my rapi# breathing an# the so n# of the %ater lapping against the si#es ofthe ya!ht as she bobs gently on the sea. /h my. I am so aro se# . . . alrea#y. 2-hat$s the safe %or#& Anastasia.4 26opsi!le.4 20oo#.4 (a"ing my left han#& he snaps a ! ff aro n# my %rist then repeatsthe pro!ess %ith my right. My left han# is tie# to my left an"le& my right han# tothe right leg. I !annot straighten my legs. Holy f !". 21o%&4 3hristian breathes& 2I$m going to f !" yo till yo s!ream.4 E*. 4,+55, -hat. An# all the air lea'es my bo#y. He grasps both of my heels an# tips me ba!" so that I fall ba!"%ar# on to thebe#. I ha'e no !hoi!e b t to "eep my legs bent. (he ! ffs tighten as I p ll againstthem. He$s right . . . they ! t into me almost to the point of pain . . . (his feels%eir#;being tr sse# p an# helpless;on a boat. He p lls my an"les apart& an# Igroan. He "isses my inner thigh& an# I %ant to sB irm beneath him& b t I !an$t. Iha'e no p r!hase to mo'e my hips. My feet are s spen#e#. I !annot mo'e. Holyshit. 25o $re going to ha'e to absorb all the pleas re& Anastasia. 1o mo'ing&4 hem rm rs as he !ra%ls p my bo#y& "issing me along the e#ge of my bi"ini bot<toms. He p lls the strings on ea!h si#e& an# the s!raps of material fall a%ay. I amno% na"e# an# at his mer!y. He "isses my belly& nipping my na'el %ith his teeth. 2Ah&4 I sigh. (his is going to be to gh . . . I ha# no i#ea. He tra!es soft "issesan# little bites p to my breasts. 2Shhh . . . &4 he soothes. 25o are so bea tif l& Ana.4 I groan& fr strate#. 1ormally I$# be grin#ing my hips& respon#ing to his to !h%ith a rhythm of my o%n& b t I !annot mo'e. I moan& p lling on my restraints.(he metal bites into my s"in. 2Argh!4 I !ry. > t I really #on$t !are. 25o #ri'e me !ra)y&4 he %hispers. 2So I am going to #ri'e yo !ra)y.4 He$sresting on me no%& his %eight on his elbo%s& an# he t rns his attention to mybreasts. >iting& s !"ing& rolling my nipples bet%een his fingers an# th mbs& #ri'<ing me %il#. He #oesn$t stop. It$s ma##ening. /h. 6lease. His ere!tion p shesagainst me. 23hristian&4 I beg an# feel his tri mphant smile against my s"in. 2Shall I ma"e yo !ome this %ay.4 He m rm rs against my nipple& !a sing itto har#en some more. 25o "no% I !an.4 He s !"les me har# an# I !ry o t& pleas< re lan!ing from my !hest #ire!tly to my groin. I p ll helplessly on the ! ffs&s%ampe# by the sensation. 25es&4 I %himper. 2/h& baby& that %o l# be too easy.4 2/h . . . please.4 2Shh.4 His teeth s!rape my !hin as he trails his lips to my mo th& an# I gasp.He "isses me. His s"ille# tong e in'a#es my mo th& tasting& e9ploring& E8. 4A+55,#ominating& b t my tong e meets his !hallenge& %rithing against his. He tastes of!ool gin an# 3hristian 0rey& an# he smells of the sea. He grasps my !hin& hol#ingmy hea# in pla!e. 2Still& baby. I %ant yo still&4 he %hispers against my mo th. 2I %ant to see yo .4 2/h no& Ana. 5o $ll feel more this %ay.4 An# agoni)ingly slo%ly he fle9eshis hips an# p shes part%ay into me. I %o l# normally tilt my pel'is p to meethim b t I !an$t mo'e. He %ith#ra%s. 2Ah! 3hristian& please!4 2Again.4 he teases& his 'oi!e hoarse. 23hristian!4 He p shes fra!tionally into me again then %ith#ra%s %hile "issing me& hisfingers t gging at my nipple. It$s pleas re o'erloa#.

21o!4 2Do yo %ant me& Anastasia.4 25es&4 I beg. 2(ell me&4 he m rm rs& his breathing harsh& an# he teases me on!emore;in . . . an# o t. 2I %ant yo &4 I %himper. 26lease.4 I hear his soft sigh against my ear. 2An# ha'e me yo %ill& Anastasia.4 He rears p an# slams into me. I s!ream& tilting my hea# ba!"& p lling on therestraints as he hits my s%eet spot& an# I am all sensation& e'ery%here;a s%eet&s%eet agony& an# I !annot mo'e. He stills then !ir!les his hips& an# the motion ra<#iates #eep insi#e me. 2-hy #o yo #efy me& Ana.4 23hristian& stop . . .4 He !ir!les #eep insi#e me again& ignoring my plea& easing o t slo%ly an# thenslamming into me again. 2(ell me. -hy.4 he hisses& an# I$m 'ag ely a%are that it$s thro gh gritte#teeth. I !ry o t in an in!oherent %ail . . . this is too m !h. 2(ell me.4 23hristian . . .4 2Ana& I nee# to "no%.4 40. 4E+55, He slams into me again& thr sting so #eep& an# I$m b il#ing . . . the feeling isso intense;it s%amps me& spiraling o t from #eep %ithin my belly& to ea!h limb&to ea!h biting metal restraint. 2I #on$t "no%!4 I !ry o t. 2>e!a se I !an! >e!a se I lo'e yo ! 6lease&3hristian.4 He groans lo #ly an# thr sts #eep& again an# again& o'er an# o'er& an# I amlost& trying to absorb the pleas re. It$s min#<blo%ing . . . bo#y blo%ing . . . I longto straighten my legs& to !ontrol my imminent orgasm& b t I !an$t . . . I$m help<less. I$m his& = st his& to #o %ith as he %ills . . . (ears spring to my eyes. (his istoo intense. I !an$t stop him. I #on$t %ant to stop him . . . I %ant . . . I %ant . . . ohno& oh no . . . this is too . . . 2(hat$s it&4 3hristian gro%ls. 2Feel it& baby!4 I #etonate aro n# him& again an# again& ro n# an# ro n#& s!reaming lo #ly asmy orgasm rips me apart& s!or!hing thro gh me li"e a %il#fire& !ons minge'erything. I am %r ng ragge#& tears streaming #o%n my fa!e; my bo#y leftp lsing an# sha"ing. An# I$m a%are that 3hristian "neels& still insi#e me& p lling me pright ontohis lap. He !l t!hes my hea# %ith one han# an# my ba!" %ith another& an# he!omes 'iolently insi#e me %hile my insi#es !ontin e to tremble %ith aftersho!"s.It$s #raining& it$s e9ha sting& it$s hell . . . it$s hea'en. It$s he#onism gone %il#. 3hristian tears off the blin#fol# an# "isses me. He "isses my eyes& my nose&my !hee"s. He "isses a%ay the tears& !l t!hing my fa!e in bet%een his han#s. 2I lo'e yo & Mrs. 0rey&4 he breathes. 2E'en tho gh yo ma"e me so ma#;Ifeel so ali'e %ith yo .4 I #on$t ha'e the energy to open either my eyes or mymo th to respon#. Cery gently& he lays me ba!" on the be# an# eases o t of me. I mo th some %or#less protest. He !limbs off the be# an# n#oes the han#<! ffs. -hen I$m free& he gently r bs my %rists an# an"les& then lies #o%n besi#eme again& p lling me into his arms. I stret!h o t my legs. /h my& that feels goo#. Ifeel goo#. (hat %as& %itho t #o bt& the most intense !lima9 I ha'e e'er en# re#.Hmm . . . a 3hristian 0rey Fifty Sha#es p nishment f !". I really m st misbeha'e more often. 4,. 44+55,A pressing nee# from my bla##er %a"es me. -hen I open my eyes& I$m #isorient<ate#. It$s #ar" o tsi#e. -here am I. @on#on. 6aris. /h; the boat. I feel her pit!han# roll& an# hear the B iet h m of the engines. -e$re on the mo'e. Ho% o##.3hristian is besi#e me& %or"ing on his laptop& !as ally #resse# in a %hite linenshirt an# !hino tro sers& his feet bare. His

hair is still %et& an# I !an smell hisbo#y %ash fresh from the sho%er an# his 3hristian smell . . . Hmm. 2Hi&4 he m rm rs& ga)ing #o%n at me& his eyes %arm. 2Hi.4 I smile& feeling s ##enly shy. 2Ho% long ha'e I been asleep.4 2D st an ho r or so.4 2-e$re mo'ing.4 2I fig re# sin!e %e ate o t last night an# %ent to the ballet an# the 3asinothat %e$# #ine on boar# tonight. A B iet night I #e 9.4 I grin at him. 2-here are %e going.4 23annes.4 2/"ay.4 I stret!h& feeling stiff. 1o amo nt of training %ith 3la #e !o l# ha'eprepare# me for this afternoon. I rise gingerly& nee#ing the bathroom. 0rabbing my sil" robe& I hastily p t iton. -hy am I so shy. I feel 3hristian$s eyes on me. -hen I glan!e at him& he re<t rns to his laptop& his bro% f rro%e#. As I absentmin#e#ly %ash my han#s at the 'anity nit& re!alling last night atthe 3asino& my robe falls open. I stare at myself in the mirror& sho!"e#. Holy f !"! -hat has he #one to me. 4A. I ga)e in horror at the re# mar"s all o'er my breasts. Hi!"eys! I ha'e hi!"eys! Iam marrie# to one of the most respe!te# b sinessmen in the ?nite# States& an#he$s gi'en me go##amn hi!"eys. Ho% #i# I not feel him #oing this to me. I fl sh.(he fa!t is I "no% e9a!tly %hy;Mr. /rgasmi! %as sing his fine<motor se9ings"ills on me. My s b!ons!io s peers o'er her half<moon spe!s an# t ts #isappro'ingly&%hile my inner go##ess sl mbers on her !haise long e& o t for the !o nt. I gape atmy refle!tion. My %rists ha'e a re# %elt aro n# them from the han#! ffs. 1o#o bt they$ll br ise. I e9amine my an"les;more %elts. Holy hell& I loo" li"e I$'e 4E. 47+55,been in some sort of a!!i#ent. I ga)e at myself& trying to absorb ho% I loo". Mybo#y is so #ifferent these #ays. It$s !hange# s btly sin!e I$'e "no%n him . . . I$'ebe!ome leaner an# fitter& an# my hair is glossy an# %ell ! t. My nails are mani<! re#& my feet pe#i! re#& my eyebro%s threa#e# an# bea tif lly shape#. For thefirst time in my life& I$m %ell groome#;e9!ept for these hi#eo s lo'e bites. I #on$t %ant to thin" abo t grooming at the moment. I$m too ma#. Ho% #arehe mar" me li"e this& li"e some teenager. In the short time %e$'e been together&he$s ne'er gi'en me hi!"eys. I loo" li"e hell. I "no% %hy he$s #one this. Damn!ontrol frea". Right! My s b!ons!io s fol#s her arms beneath her small bos<om;he$s gone too far this time. I stal" o t of the en s ite bathroom an# into the%al"<in !loset& !aref lly a'oi#ing e'en a glan!e in his #ire!tion. Slipping o t ofmy robe& I p ll on my s%eatpants an# a !amisole. I n#o the brai#& pi!" p a hair<br sh from the small 'anity nit& an# br sh o t my tangles. 2Anastasia&4 3hristian !alls an# I hear his an9iety. 2Are yo o"ay.4 I ignore him. Am I o"ay. 1o& I am not o"ay. After %hat he$s #one to me& I#o bt I$ll be able to %ear a s%ims it& let alone one of my ri#i! lo sly e9pensi'ebi"inis& for the rest of o r honeymoon. (he tho ght is s ##enly so inf riating.Ho% #are he. I$ll gi'e him are yo o"ay. I seethe as f ry spi"es thro gh me. I !anbeha'e li"e an a#oles!ent& too! Stepping ba!" into the be#room& I h rl the hair<br sh at him& t rn& an# lea'e;tho gh not before I see his sho!"e# e9pression an#his lightning rea!tion as he raises his arm to prote!t his hea# so that the br shbo n!es ineffe!ti'ely off his forearm an# onto the be#. I storm o t of o r !abin& bolt pstairs an# o t on #e!"& fleeing to%ar# thebo%. I nee# some spa!e to !alm #o%n. It$s #ar" an# the air

is balmy. (he %armbree)e !arries the smell of the Me#iterranean an# the s!ent of =asmine an# bo <gain'illea from the shore. (he Fair @a#y gli#es effortlessly thro gh the !alm !o<balt sea as I rest my elbo%s on the %oo#en railing& ga)ing at the #istant shore%here tiny lights %in" an# t%in"le. I ta"e a #eep& healing breath an# slo%ly beginto !alm. I$m a%are of him behin# me before I hear him. 25o $re ma# at me&4 he %hispers. 21o shit& Sherlo!"!4 2Ho% ma#.4 2S!ale of one to ten& I thin" I$m at fifty. Apt& h h.4 2(hat ma#.4 He so n#s s rprise# an# impresse# at on!e. 25es. 6 she# to 'iolen!e ma#&4 I say thro gh gritte# teeth. 44. 4:+55, He stays silent as I t rn an# s!o%l at him& %at!hing me %ith %i#e an# %aryeyes. I "no% from his e9pression an# be!a se he$s ma#e no mo'e to to !h methat he$s o t of his #epth. 23hristian& yo ha'e to stop nilaterally trying to bring me to heel. 5o ma#eyo r point on the bea!h. Cery effe!ti'ely& as I re!all.4 He shr gs min tely. 2-ell& yo %on$t ta"e yo r top off again&4 he m rm rspet lantly. An# this = stifies %hat he$s #one to me. I glare at him. 2I #on$t li"e yo lea'<ing mar"s on me. -ell& not this many& any%ay. It$s a har# limit!4 I hiss at him. 2I #on$t li"e yo ta"ing yo r !lothes off in p bli!. (hat$s a har# limit forme&4 he gro%ls. 2I thin" %e$'e establishe# that&4 I hiss thro gh my teeth. 2@oo" at me!4 I p ll#o%n my !amisole to re'eal the top of my breasts. 3hristian ga)es at me& his eyesnot lea'ing my fa!e his e9pression %ary an# n!ertain. He$s not se# to seeingme this ma#. 3an$t he see %hat he$s #one. 3an$t he see ho% ri#i! lo s he is. I%ant to sho t at him& b t I refrain;I #on$t %ant to p sh him too far. Hea'en"no%s %hat he$# #o. E'ent ally& he sighs an# hol#s his palms p in a resigne#&!on!iliatory gest re. 2/"ay&4 he says his 'oi!e pla!ating. 2I get it.4 Hallel =ah! 20oo#!4 He r ns his han# thro gh his hair. 2I$m sorry. 6lease #on$t be ma# at me.4Finally& he loo"s !ontrite; sing my o%n %or#s ba!" at me. 25o are s !h an a#oles!ent sometimes&4 I s!ol# him& m lishly& b t the fighthas gone o t of my 'oi!e& an# he "no%s it. He steps !loser an# tentati'ely raiseshis han# to t !" my hair behin# my ear. 2I "no%&4 he a!"no%le#ges softly. 2I ha'e a lot to learn.4 Dr. Flynn$s %or#s !ome ba!" to me . . . Emotionally& 3hristian is an a#oles<!ent& Ana. He bypasse# that phase in his life totally. He$s !hannele# all his ener<gies into s !!ee#ing in the b siness %orl#& an# he has beyon# all e9pe!tations.His emotional %orl# has to play !at!h< p. My heart tha%s a little. 2-e both #o.4 I sigh an# !a tio sly raise my han#& pla!ing it o'er his heart.He #oesn$t flin!h li"e he se# to& b t he stiffens. He rests his han# o'er mine an#smiles his shy smile. 45. 4*+55, 2I$'e = st learne# that yo $'e a goo# arm an# a goo# aim& Mrs. 0rey. I %o l#ne'er ha'e fig re# that& b t then I !onstantly n#erestimate yo . 5o al%ays s r<prise me.4 I ar!h my eyebro% at him. 2(arget pra!ti!e %ith Ray. I !an thro% an# shootstraight& Mr. 0rey& an# yo $# #o %ell to remember that.4 2I %ill en#ea'or to #o that& Mrs. 0rey& or ens re that all potential pro=e!tileob=e!ts are naile# #o%n an# that yo #on$t ha'e a!!ess to a g n.4 He smir"s. I smir" ba!"& narro%ing my eyes. 2I$m reso r!ef l.4 2(hat yo are&4 he %hispers an# releases my han# to !ir!le his arms aro n#me. 6 lling me into an embra!e& he b ries his nose in my hair. I %rap my

armsaro n# him& hol#ing him !lose& an# feel the tension lea'e his bo#y as he n ))lesme. 2Am I forgi'en.4 2Am I.4 I feel his smile. 25es&4 he ans%ers. 2Ditto.4 -e stan# hol#ing ea!h other& my piB e forgotten. He #oes smell goo#& a#<oles!ent or not. Ho% !an I resist him. 2H ngry.4 he says after a %hile. I ha'e my eyes !lose# an# my hea# againsthis !hest. 25es. Famishe#. All the . . . er . . . a!ti'ity has gi'en me an appetite. > t I$mnot #resse# for #inner.4 I$m s re my s%eatpants an# !amisole %o l# be fro%ne# pon in the #ining room. 25o loo" goo# to me& Anastasia. >esi#es& it$s o r boat for the %ee". -e !an#ress ho% %e li"e. (hin" of it as #ress #o%n ( es#ay on the 3ote D$A) r. Any<%ay& I tho ght %e$# eat on #e!".4 25es& I$# li"e that.4 He "isses me;an earnest forgi'e<me "iss;then %e %an#er han# in han# to< %ar# the bo% %here o r ga)pa!ho so p a%aits.(he ste%ar# ser'es o r !rJme br lGe an# #is!reetly retires. 47. 48+55, 2-hy #o yo al%ays brai# my hair.4 I as" 3hristian o t of ! riosity. -e$resitting a#=a!ent to ea!h other at the table& my lo%er leg ! rle# aro n# his. Hepa ses as he$s abo t to pi!" p his #essertspoon an# fro%ns. 2I #on$t %ant yo r hair !at!hing in anything&4 he says B ietly an# for a mo< ment& he$s lost in tho ght. 2Habit& I thin"&4 he m ses. S ##enly he fro%ns an# hiseyes %i#en& his p pils #ilating %ith alarm. Holy shit! -hat$s he remembere#. It$s something painf l& some early !hil#<hoo# memory& I g ess. I #on$t %ant to remin# him of that. @eaning o'er& I p t myin#e9 finger o'er his lips. 21o& it #oesn$t matter. I #on$t nee# to "no%. I %as = st ! rio s.4 I gi'e him a%arm& reass ring smile. His loo" is %ary& b t after a moment he 'isibly rela9es&his relief e'i#ent. I lean o'er to "iss the !orner of his mo th. 2I lo'e yo &4 I m rm r& an# he smiles his heart<a!hingly shy smile& an# Imelt. 2I %ill al%ays lo'e yo & 3hristian.4 2An# I yo &4 he says softly. 2In spite of my #isobe#ien!e.4 I raise my eyebro%. 2>e!a se of yo r #isobe#ien!e& Anastasia.4 He grins. I !ra!" my spoon thro gh the b rnt s gar !r st of my #essert an# sha"e myhea#. -ill I e'er n#erstan# this man. Hmm;this !rJme br lGe is #eli!io s./n!e the ste%ar# has !leare# o r #essert plates& 3hristian rea!hes for the bottle ofrosG an# refills my glass. I !he!" that %e$re alone an# as"& 2-hat$s %ith the nogoing to the bathroom thing.4 25o really %ant to "no%.4 He half smiles& his eyes alight %ith a sala!io sgleam. 2Do I.4 I ga)e at him thro gh my lashes as I ta"e a sip of my %ine. 2(he f ller yo r bla##er& the more intense yo r orgasm& Ana.4 I bl sh. 2/h. I see.4 Holy !o%& that e9plains a lot. He grins& loo"ing far too "no%ing. -ill I al%ays be on the ba!" foot %ith Mr.Se9pertise. 25es. -ell . . .4 I #esperately h nt aro n# for a !hange of s b=e!t. He ta"espity on me. 4:. 50+55, 2-hat #o yo %ant to #o for the rest of the e'ening.4 He !o!"s his hea# toone si#e an# gi'es me his lopsi#e# grin. -hate'er yo %ant& 3hristian. 6 t yo r theory to the test again. I shr g. 2I "no% %hat I %ant to #o&4 he m rm rs. 0rabbing his glass of %ine& he risesan# hol#s his han# o t to me. 23ome.4 I ta"e his han# an# he lea#s me into the main salon. His i6o# is in the spea"er #o!" on the #resser. He s%it!hes it on an# sele!ts asong. 2Dan!e %ith me.4 He p lls me into his arms. 2If yo insist.4 2I insist& Mrs. 0rey.4 A slin"y& !heesy melo#y starts. Is this a @atin rhythm. 3hristian grins

#o%nat me an# starts to mo'e& s%eeping me off my feet an# ta"ing me %ith him ro n#the salon. A man %ith a 'oi!e li"e %arm melte# !aramel !roons. It$s a song I "no% b t!an$t pla!e. 3hristian #ips me lo%& an# I yelp in s rprise an# giggle. He smiles&his eyes fille# %ith h mor. (hen he s!oops me p an# spins me n#er his arm. 25o #an!e so %ell&4 I say. 2It$s li"e I !an #an!e.4 He gi'es me a sphin9li"e smile b t says nothing& an# I %on#er if it$s be!a sehe$s thin"ing of her . . . Mrs. Robinson& the %oman %ho ta ght him ho% to#an!e;an# ho% to f !". She hasn$t !rosse# my min# for a %hile. 3hristian hasnot mentione# her sin!e his birth#ay& an# as far as I$m a%are& their b siness rela<tionship is o'er. Rel !tantly tho gh& I ha'e to a#mit;she %as some tea!her. He #ips me lo% again an# plants a s%ift "iss on my lips. 2I$# miss yo r lo'e&4 I m rm r& e!hoing the lyri!s. 2I$# more than miss yo r lo'e&4 he says an# spins me on!e more. (hen hesings the %or#s softly in my ear ma"ing me s%oon. (he tra!" en#s an# 3hristian ga)es #o%n at me& his eyes #ar" an# l mino s&all h mor gone& an# I$m s ##enly breathless. 23ome to be# %ith me.4 he %hispers an# it$s a heartfelt plea that t gs at myheart. 3hristian& yo ha# me at I #o;t%o an# half %ee"s ago. > t I "no% this is his%ay of apologi)ing an# ma"ing s re all is %ell bet%een s after o r spat. 4*. 5,+55,-hen I %a"e& the s n is shining thro gh the portholes an# the %ater refle!ts shim<mering patterns onto the !abin !eiling. 3hristian is no%here to be seen. I stret!ho t an# smile. Hmm . . . I$ll ta"e a p nishment f !" follo%e# by ma"e p se9 any#ay. I mar'el %hat it is to go to be# %ith t%o #ifferent men;angry 3hristian an#s%eet let<me<ma"e<it< p<to<yo <in< any<%ay<I<!an 3hristian. It$s tri!"y to #e!i#e%hi!h of them I li"e the best. I rise an# hea# for the bathroom. /pening the #oor& I fin# 3hristian insi#esha'ing& na"e# e9!ept for a to%el %rappe# aro n# his %aist. He t rns an# beams&not fa)e# that I am interr pting him. I ha'e #is!o'ere# that 3hristian %ill ne'erlo!" the #oor if he is the only person in the room;the reason %hy is sobering&an# not one I %ant to #%ell on. 20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says& ra#iating his goo# moo#. 20oo# morning yo rself.4 I grin ba!" as I %at!h him sha'e. I lo'e %at!hinghim sha'e. He p lls p his !hin an# sha'es beneath it& ta"ing long #eliberatestro"es& an# I fin# myself n!ons!io sly mirroring his a!tions. 6 lling my pperlip #o%n = st as he #oes& to sha'e his philtr m. He t rns an# smir"s at me& onehalf of his fa!e still !o'ere# in sha'ing soap. 2En=oying the sho%.4 he as"s. /h& 3hristian& I !o l# %at!h yo for ho rs. 2/ne of my all<time fa'orites&4 Im rm r& an# he leans #o%n an# "isses me B i!"ly& smearing sha'ing soap on myfa!e. 2Shall I #o this to yo again.4 he %hispers %i!"e#ly an# hol#s p the ra)or. I p rse my lips at him. 21o&4 I m tter& preten#ing to s l". 2I$ll %a9 ne9ttime.4 I remember 3hristian$s =oy in @on#on %hen he$# #is!o'ere# that # ring hisone meeting there& I$# sha'e# off my p bi! hair o t of ! riosity. /f !o rse Iha#n$t #one it to Mr. E9a!ting$s high stan#ar#s . . . 48. 5A+55,2-hat the hell ha'e yo #one.4 3hristian e9!laims. He !annot "eep his horrifie#am sement to himself. He sits p in be# in o r s ite at >ro%ns Hotel near 6i!!a<#illy& s%it!hes on the be#si#e light an# ga)es #o%n at me& his mo th a startle# /.It m st be mi#night. I bl sh the !olor of the

sheets in the playroom an# try to p ll#o%n my satin night#ress so he !an$t see. He grabs my han# to stop me. 2Ana!4 2I;err . . . sha'e#.4 2I !an see that. -hy.4 He$s grinning from ear to ear. I !o'er my fa!e %ith my han#s. -hy am I so embarrasse#. 2Hey&4 he says softly an# p lls my han# a%ay. 2Don$t hi#e.4 He$s biting hislip so that he %on$t la gh. 2(ell me. -hy.4 His eyes #an!e %ith merriment. -hy#oes he fin# this so f nny. 2Stop la ghing at me.4 2I$m not la ghing at yo . I$m sorry. I$m . . . #elighte#&4 he says. 2/h . . .4 2(ell me. -hy.4 I ta"e a #eep breath. 2(his morning& after yo left for yo r meeting& I too" asho%er an# %as remembering all yo r r les.4 He blin"s. (he h mor in his e9pression has 'anishe#& an# he regar#s me!a tio sly. 2An# I %as ti!"ing them off one by one an# ho% I felt abo t them& an# I re<membere# the bea ty salon& an# I tho ght . . . this is %hat yo $# li"e. I %asn$tbra'e eno gh to get a %a9.4 My 'oi!e #isappears into a %hisper. He stares at me& his eyes glo%ing;this time not %ith mirth at my folly& b t%ith lo'e. 2/h& Ana&4 he breathes. He leans #o%n an# "isses me ten#erly. 25o beg ileme&4 he %hispers against my lips an# "isses me on!e more& !lasping my fa!e inboth his han#s. After a breathless moment& he p lls ba!" an# leans p on one elbo%. (he h <mor is ba!". 2I thin" I sho l# #o a thoro gh inspe!tion of yo r han#i%or"& Mrs. 0rey.4 2-hat. 1o.4 He has to be "i##ing! I !o'er myself& prote!ting my re!ently #e<foreste# area. 2/h& no yo #on$t& Anastasia.4 He grasps my han#s an# pries them a%ay&mo'ing nimbly so he$s bet%een my legs an# pinning my han#s to my si#es. He 50. 5E+55,gi'es me a s!or!hing loo" that !o l# light #ry tin#er& b t before I !omb st& heben#s an# s"ims his lips #o%n my na"e# belly #ire!tly to my se9. I sB irm be<neath him& rel !tantly resigne# to my fate. 2-ell& %hat ha'e %e here.4 3hristian plants a "iss %here& ntil this morning&I ha# p bi! hair; then s!rapes his bristly !hin a!ross me. 2Ah!4 I e9!laim. -o% . . . that$s sensiti'e. 3hristian$s eyes #art to mine& f ll of sala!io s longing. 2I thin" yo misse# abit&4 he m tters an# t gs gently& right n#erneath. 2/h . . . Damn&4 I m tter& hoping this %ill p t an en# to his fran"ly intr si'es!r tiny. 2I ha'e an i#ea.4 He leaps na"e# o t of be# an# hea#s to the bathroom. -hat on earth is he #oing. He ret rns moments later& !arrying a glass of %a<ter& a m g& my ra)or& his sha'ing br sh& soap& an# a to%el. He p ts the %ater&br sh& soap& an# ra)or on the be#si#e table an# ga)es #o%n at me& hol#ing theto%el. /h no! My s b!ons!io s slams #o%n her 3omplete -or"s of 3harles Di!"<ens& leaps p from her arm!hair& an# p ts her han#s on her hips. 21o. 1o. 1o&4 I sB ea". 2Mrs. 0rey& if a =ob$s %orth #oing& it$s %orth #oing %ell. @ift yo r hips.4 Hiseyes glo% s mmer storm gray. 23hristian! 5o are not sha'ing me.4 He tilts his hea# to one si#e. 2-hy e'er not.4 I fl sh . . . isn$t it ob'io s. 2>e!a se . . . It$s = st too . . .4 2Intimate.4 he %hispers. 2Ana& I !ra'e intima!y %ith yo ;yo "no% that.>esi#es& after some of the things %e$'e #one& #on$t get all sB eamish on me no%.An#& I "no% this part of yo r bo#y better than yo #o.4 I gape at him. /f all the arrogant . . . tr e& he #oes;b t still. 2It$s = st%rong!4 My 'oi!e is prissy an# %hiney. 2(his isn$t %rong;this is hot.4 Hot. Really. 2(his t rns yo on.4 I !an$t "eep the astonishment o t of my'oi!e. He snorts. 23an$t yo tell.4 He

glan!es #o%n at his aro sal. 2I %ant to sha'eyo &4 he %hispers /h& %hat the hell. I lie ba!"& thro%ing my arm o'er my fa!e so I #on$t ha'eto %at!h. 5,. 54+55, 2If it ma"es yo happy& 3hristian& go ahea#. 5o are so "in"y&4 I m tter& as Ilift my hips& an# he slips the to%el beneath me. He "isses my inner thigh. 2/h& baby& ho% right yo are.4 I hear the slosh of %ater as he #ips the sha'ing br sh in the glass of %ater&then the soft s%irl of the br sh in the m g. He grasps my left an"le an# parts mylegs& an# the be# #ips as he sits bet%een my legs. 2I$# really li"e to tie yo pright no%&4 he m rm rs. 2I promise to "eep still.4 20oo#.4 I gasp as he r ns the lathere# br sh o'er my p bi! bone. It$s %arm. (he %aterin the glass m st be hot. I sB irm a little. It ti!"les . . . b t in a goo# %ay. 2Don$t mo'e&4 3hristian a#monishes an# applies the br sh again. 2/r I %illtie yo #o%n&4 he a##s #ar"ly& an# a #eli!io s shi'er r ns #o%n my spine. 2Ha'e yo #one this before.4 I as" tentati'ely %hen he rea!hes for the ra)or. 21o.4 2/h. 0oo#.4 I grin. 2Another first& Mrs. 0rey.4 2Hmm. I li"e firsts.4 2Me& too. Here goes.4 An# %ith a gentleness that s rprises me& he r ns thera)or o'er my sensiti'e flesh. 2Feep still&4 he says #istra!te#ly& an# I "no% he$s!on!entrating har#. It only ta"es a matter of min tes before he grabs the to%el an# %ipes all thee9!ess lather off me. 2(here;that$s more li"e it&4 he m ses& an# I finally lift my arm to loo" athim as he sits ba!" to a#mire his han#i%or". 2Happy.4 I as"& my 'oi!e hoarse. 2Cery.4 He grins %i!"e#ly an# slo%ly eases a finger insi#e me. 5A. 55+55,2> t that %as f n&4 he says his eyes gently mo!"ing. 2For yo maybe.4 I try to po t;b t he$s right . . . it %as . . . aro sing. 2I seem to re!all the aftermath %as 'ery satisfying.4 3hristian ret rns to fin<ishing his sha'e. I glan!e B i!"ly #o%n at my fingers. 5es& it %as. I ha# no i#eathat the absen!e of p bi! hair !o l# ma"e s !h a #ifferen!e. 2Hey& I$m = st teasing. Isn$t that %hat h sban#s %ho are hopelessly in lo'e%ith their %i'es #o.4 3hristian tips my !hin p an# ga)es at me& his eyes s #<#enly fille# %ith apprehension as he en#ea'ors to rea# my e9pression. Hmm . . . payba!" time. 2Sit&4 I m tter. He stares& not n#erstan#ing. I p sh him gently to%ar# the lone %hite stool inthe bathroom. 6erple9e#& he sits #o%n& an# I ta"e the ra)or from him. 2Ana&4 he %arns as he reali)es my intention. I lean #o%n an# "iss him. 2Hea# ba!"&4 I %hisper. He hesitates. 2(it for tat& Mr. 0rey.4 He stares at me %ith %ary& am se# #isbelief. 25o "no% %hat yo $re #o<ing.4 he as"s& his 'oi!e lo%. I sha"e my hea# slo%ly& #eliberately& trying to loo"as serio s as possible. He !loses his eyes an# sha"es his hea# then tilts his hea#ba!" in s rren#er. Holy shit& he$s going to let me sha'e him. My inner go##ess fle9es an#stret!hes her arms o t%ar#& her fingers interlo!"e#& palms o t& limbering p. (ent<ati'ely I sli#e my han# into the #amp hair at his forehea#& gripping tightly to hol#him still. He !len!hes his eyes !lose# an# parts his lips as he inhales. Cery gently&I stro"e his ra)or p from his ne!" to his !hin& re'ealing a path of s"in beneath thelather. 3hristian e9hales. 2Di# yo thin" I %as going to h rt yo .4 2I ne'er "no% %hat yo $re going to #o& Ana& b t no;not intentionally.4 I r n the ra)or p his ne!" again& !learing a %i#er path in the lather. 2I %o l# ne'er intentionally h rt yo & 3hristian.4 He opens his eyes

an# !ir!les his arms aro n# me as I gently #rag the ra)or#o%n his !hee" from the bottom of his si#eb rn. 2I "no%&4 he says& angling his fa!e so I !an sha'e the rest of his !hee". (%omore stro"es an# I$'e finishe#. 2All #one& an# not a #rop of bloo# spille#.4 I grin pro #ly. 5E. 57+55, He r ns his han# p my leg so that my night#ress ri#es p my thigh an# p llsme on to his lap so that I$m astri#e him. I stea#y myself %ith my han#s on his p<per arms. He$s really 'ery m s! lar. 23an I ta"e yo some%here to#ay.4 21o s nbathing.4 I ar!h a !a sti! bro% at him. He li!"s his lips ner'o sly. 21o. 1o s nbathing to#ay. I tho ght yo mightprefer something else.4 2-ell& sin!e yo $'e !o'ere# me in hi!"eys an# effe!ti'ely p t the "ibosh onthat& s re& %hy not.4 -isely he !hooses to ignore my tone. 2It$s a #ri'e& b t it$s %orth a 'isit from%hat I$'e rea#. My #a# re!ommen#e# %e 'isit. It$s a hilltop 'illage !alle# Saint6a l #e Cen!e. (here are some galleries there. I tho ght %e !o l# pi!" o t somepaintings or s! lpt res for the ne% ho se& if %e fin# anything %e li"e.4 Holy !rap. I lean ba!" an# ga)e at him. Art . . . he %ants to b y art. Ho% !anI b y art. 2-hat.4 he as"s. 2I "no% nothing abo t art& 3hristian.4 He shr gs an# smiles at me in# lgently. 2-e$ll only b y %hat %e li"e. (hisisn$t abo t in'estment.4 In'estment. Dee). 2-hat.4 he says again. I sha"e my hea#. 2@oo"& I "no% %e only got the ar!hite!t$s #ra%ings the other #ay;b tthere$s no harm in loo"ing& an# the to%n is an an!ient& me#ie'al pla!e.4 /h& the ar!hite!t. He ha# to remin# me of her . . . 0ia Matteo& a frien# of El<liot$s %ho %or"e# on 3hristian$s pla!e in Aspen. D ring o r meetings& she$# beenall o'er 3hristian li"e a rash. 2-hat no%.4 3hristian e9!laims. I sha"e my hea#. 2(ell me&4 he rges. Ho% !an I tell him that I #on$t li"e 0ia. My #isli"e is irrational. I #on$t %antto !ome a!ross as the =ealo s %ife. 25o $re not still ma# abo t %hat I #i# yester#ay.4 He sighs an# n ))les hisfa!e bet%een my breasts. 21o. I$m h ngry&4 I m tter& "no%ing f ll %ell that this %ill #istra!t him fromthis line of B estioning. 2-hy #i#n$t yo say.4 He eases me off his lap an# stan#s. 54. 5:+55,Saint 6a l #e Cen!e is a me#ie'al& fortifie#& hilltop 'illage& one of the most pi!<t resB e pla!es I ha'e e'er seen. I stroll arm in arm %ith 3hristian thro gh thenarro% !obblestone streets %ith my han# in the ba!" po!"et of his shorts. (ayloran# either 0aston or 6hilippe;I !an$t tell the #ifferen!e bet%een them;trail be<hin# s. -e pass a tree<!o'ere# sB are %here three ol# men& one %earing a tra#i<tional beret in spite of the heat& are playing bo les. It$s B ite !ro%#e# %ith to r<ists& b t I feel !omfortable t !"e# n#er 3hristian$s arm. (here is so m !h tosee;little alleys an# passage%ays lea#ing to !o rtyar#s %ith intri!ate stone fo n<tains& an!ient an# mo#ern s! lpt res& an# fas!inating little bo tiB es an# shops. In the first gallery& 3hristian ga)es #istra!te#ly at the eroti! photographs infront of s& s !"ing gently on the arm of his a'iator spe!s. (hey are the %or" ofFloren!e D$elle; na"e# %omen in 'ario s poses. 21ot B ite %hat I ha# in min#&4 I m mble #isappro'ingly. (hey ma"e methin" of the bo9 of photographs I fo n# in his !loset& o r !loset. I %on#er if hee'er #i# #estroy them. 2Me neither&4 3hristian says& grinning #o%n at me. He ta"es my han#& an#%e stroll to the ne9t artist. I#ly& I %on#er if I sho l# let him ta"e photos of me.My inner

go##ess no#s franti!ally %ith appro'al. (he ne9t #isplay is by a female painter %ho spe!iali)es in fig rati'eart;fr it an# 'egetables s per !lose p an# in ri!h& glorio s !olor. 2I li"e those.4 I point to three paintings of peppers. 2(hey remin# me of yo !hopping 'egetables in my apartment.4 I giggle. 3hristian$s mo th t%ists as hetries an# fails to hi#e his am sement. 2I tho ght I manage# that B ite !ompetently&4 he m tters. 2I %as = st a bitslo%& an# any%ay4;he p lls me into an embra!e;2yo %ere #istra!ting me.-here %o l# yo p t them.4 2-hat.4 3hristian is n ))ling my ear. 2(he paintings;%here %o l# yo p t them.4He bites my earlobe an# I feel it in my groin. 2Fit!hen&4 I m rm r. 2Hmm. 1i!e i#ea& Mrs. 0rey.4 I sB int at the pri!e. Fi'e tho san# e ros ea!h. Holy shit! 2(hey$re really e9pensi'e!4 I gasp. 2So.4 He n ))les me again. 20et se# to it& Ana.4 He releases me an#sa nters o'er to the #es" %here a yo ng %oman #resse# entirely in %hite is 55. 5*+55,gaping at him. I %ant to roll my eyes& b t t rn my attention ba!" to the paintings.Fi'e tho san# e ros . . . =ee). -e ha'e finishe# l n!h an# are rela9ing o'er !offee at the Hotel @e Saint6a l. (he 'ie% of the s rro n#ing !o ntrysi#e is st nning. Cineyar#s an# fiel#sof s nflo%ers form a pat!h%or" a!ross the plain& intersperse# here an# there %ithneat little Fren!h farmho ses. It$s s !h a !lear& bea tif l #ay %e !an see all the%ay to the sea& glinting faintly on the hori)on. 3hristian interr pts my re'erie. 25o as"e# me %hy I brai# yo r hair&4 he m rm rs. His tone alarms me. Heloo"s . . . g ilty. 25es.4 /h& shit. 2(he !ra!" %hore se# to let me play %ith her hair& I thin". I #on$t "no% ifit$s a memory or a #ream.4 -hoa! His birth mom. He ga)es at me& his e9pression nrea#able. My heart leaps into my mo th.-hat #o I say %hen he says things li"e this. 2I li"e yo playing %ith my hair.4 My 'oi!e is hesitant. He regar#s me %ith n!ertainty. 2Do yo .4 25es.4 It$s the tr th. I grasp his han#. 2I thin" yo lo'e# yo r birth mother&3hristian.4 His eyes %i#en an# he stares at me impassi'ely& saying nothing. Holy shit. Ha'e I gone too far. Say something& Fifty;please. > t he remainsresol tely m te& ga)ing at me %ith fathomless gray eyes %hile the silen!estret!hes bet%een s. He loo"s lost. He glan!es #o%n at my han# on his an# he fro%ns. 2Say something&4 I %hisper& be!a se I !annot bear the silen!e any longer. He sha"es his hea#& e9haling #eeply. 2@et$s go.4 He releases my han# an# stan#s. His e9pression g ar#e#. Ha'e Io'ersteppe# the mar". I ha'e no i#ea. My heart sin"s an# I #on$t "no% %hether tosay anything else or = st let it go. I #e!i#e on the latter an# follo% him # tif llyo t of the resta rant. In the lo'ely narro% street& he ta"es my han#. 2-here #o yo %ant to go.4 He spea"s! An# he$s not ma# at me;than" hea'ens. I e9hale& relie'e#& an#shr g. 2I am = st gla# yo $re still spea"ing to me.4 25o "no% I #on$t li"e tal"ing abo t all that shit. It$s #one. Finishe#&4 hesays B ietly. 57. 58+55, 1o& 3hristian& it isn$t. (he tho ght sa##ens me& an# for the first time I %on<#er if it %ill e'er be finishe#. He$ll al%ays be Fifty Sha#es . . . my Fifty Sha#es.Do I %ant him to !hange. 1o& not really;only insofar as I %ant him to feello'e#. 6ee"ing p at him& I ta"e a moment to a#mire his

!apti'ating bea ty . . .an# he$s mine. An# it$s not = st the all re of his fine& fine fa!e an# his bo#y thathas me spellbo n#. It$s %hat$s behin# the perfe!tion that #ra%s me& that !alls tome . . . his fragile& #amage# so l. He gi'es me that loo"& #o%n his nose& half am se#& half %ary& %holly se9ythen t !"s me n#er his arm& an# %e ma"e o r %ay thro gh the to rists to%ar#the spot %here 6hilippe+0aston has par"e# the roomy Mer!e#es. I slip my han#ba!" into the ba!" po!"et of 3hristian$s shorts& gratef l that he isn$t ma#. > t&honestly& %hat fo r<year<ol# !hil# #oesn$t lo'e his mom& no matter ho% ba# amom she is. I sigh hea'ily an# h g him !loser. I "no% behin# s the se! rityteam l r"s& an# I %on#er i#ly if they$'e eaten. 3hristian stops o tsi#e a small bo tiB e selling fine =e%elry an# ga)es in the%in#o%& then #o%n at me. He grasps my free han# an# r ns his th mb a!ross thefa#e# re# line of the han#! ff mar"& inspe!ting it. 2It$s not sore.4 I reass re him. He t%ists so that my other han# is free# fromhis po!"et. He !lasps that han#& too& t rning it gently o'er to e9amine my %rist.(he platin m /mega %at!h he ga'e me at brea"fast on o r first morning in @on<#on obs! res the re# line. (he ins!ription still ma"es me s%oon. Anastasia 5o are my More My @o'e& My @ife 3hristianIn spite of e'erything& all his Fiftyness& my h sban# !an be so romanti!. I ga)e#o%n at the faint mar"s on my %rist. (hen again& he !an be sa'age sometimes.Releasing my left han#& he tilts my !hin p %ith his fingers an# s!r tini)es my e9<pression& his eyes tro ble#. 5:. 70+55, 2(hey #on$t h rt&4 I repeat. He p lls my han# to his lips an# plants a softapologeti! "iss on the insi#e of my %rist. 23ome&4 he says an# lea#s me into the shop.2Here&4 3hristian hol#s open the platin m bra!elet he$s = st p r!hase#. It$s e9<B isite& so #eli!ately !rafte#& the filigree in the shape of small abstra!t flo%ers%ith small #iamon#s at their heart. He fastens it aro n# my %rist. It$s %i#e an#! ff<li"e an# hi#es the re# mar"s. It also !ost aro n# thirty tho san# e ros& Ithin"& tho gh I !o l#n$t really follo% the !on'ersation in Fren!h %ith the sales as<sistant. I ha'e ne'er %orn anything so e9pensi'e. 2(here& that$s better&4 he m rm rs. 2>etter.4 I %hisper& ga)ing into l mino s gray eyes& !ons!io s that the sti!"<thin sales assistant is staring at s %ith a =ealo s an# #isappro'ing loo". 25o "no% %hy&4 3hristian says n!ertainly. 2I #on$t nee# this.4 I sha"e my %rist an# the ! ff mo'es. It !at!hes the after<noon light streaming thro gh the bo tiB e %in#o% an# small spar"ling rainbo%s#an!e off the #iamon#s all o'er the %alls of the store. 2I #o&4 he says %ith tter sin!erity. -hy. -hy #oes he nee# this. Does he feel g ilty. Abo t %hat. (he mar"s.His birth mother. 1ot !onfi#ing in me. /h& Fifty. 21o& 3hristian& yo #on$t. 5o $'e gi'en me so m !h alrea#y. A magi!al hon<eymoon& @on#on& 6aris& the 3ote D$A) r . . . an# yo . I$m a 'ery l !"y girl&4 I%hisper an# his eyes soften. 21o& Anastasia& I$m a 'ery l !"y man.4 2(han" yo .4 Stret!hing p on tiptoes& I p t my arms aro n# his ne!" an#"iss him . . . not for gi'ing me the bra!elet b t for being mine.>a!" in the !ar he$s introspe!ti'e& ga)ing o t at the fiel#s of bright s nflo%ers&their hea#s follo%ing an# bas"ing in the afternoon s n. /ne of the t%ins;I thin"it$s 0aston;is #ri'ing an# (aylor is besi#e him p front. 3hristian is broo#ingabo t something. I !lasp his han#& gi'ing it a reass ring sB ee)e. He glan!es at

5*. 7,+55,me before releasing my han# an# !aressing my "nee. I$m %earing a short& f ll&bl e an# %hite s"irt& an# a bl e& fitte#& slee'eless shirt. 3hristian hesitates& an# I#on$t "no% if his han# is going to tra'el p my thigh or #o%n my leg. I tense %ithanti!ipation at the gentle to !h of his fingers an# my breath !at!hes. -hat$s hegoing to #o. He !hooses #o%n& s ##enly grasps my an"le an# p lls my foot on tohis lap. I s%i'el my ba!"si#e so I am fa!ing him in the ba!" of the !ar. 2I %ant the other one& too.4 I glan!e ner'o sly to%ar# (aylor an# 0aston& %hose eyes are resol tely onthe roa# ahea#& an# pla!e my other foot on his lap. His eyes !ool& he rea!hes o'eran# presses a b tton lo!ate# in his #oor. In front of s& a lightly tinte# pri'a!ys!reen sli#es o t of a panel& an# ten se!on#s later %e are effe!ti'ely on o r o%n.-o% . . . no %on#er the ba!" of this !ar has so m !h legroom. 2I %ant to loo" at yo r an"les&4 3hristian offers his B iet e9planation. Hisga)e is an9io s. (he ! ff mar"s. Dee) . . . I tho ght %e$# #ealt %ith this. If thereare mar"s& they are hi##en by the san#al straps. I #on$t re!all seeing any thismorning. 0ently& he stro"es his th mb p my right instep& ma"ing me %riggle. Asmile plays on his lips an# #eftly he n#oes one strap& an# his smile fa#es as he$s!onfronte# %ith the #ar"er re# mar"s. 2Doesn$t h rt&4 I m rm r. He glan!es at me an# his e9pression is sa#& hismo th a thin line. He no#s on!e as if he$s ta"ing me at my %or# %hile I sha"e mysan#al loose so it falls to the floor& b t I "no% I$'e lost him. He$s #istra!te# an#broo#ing again& me!hani!ally !aressing my foot %hile he t rns a%ay to ga)e o tthe !ar %in#o% on!e more. 2Hey. -hat #i# yo e9pe!t.4 I as" softly. He glan!es at me an# shr gs. 2I #i#n$t e9pe!t to feel li"e I #o loo"ing at these mar"s&4 he says. /h! Reti!ent one min te an# forth!oming the ne9t. Ho% . . . Fifty! Ho% !anI "eep p %ith him. 2Ho% #o yo feel.4 >lea" eyes ga)e at me. 2?n!omfortable&4 he m rm rs. /h& no. I nb !"le my seatbelt an# s!oot !loser to him& lea'ing my feet in hislap. I %ant to !ra%l into his lap an# hol# him& an# I %o l#& if it %ere = st (aylor inthe front. > t "no%ing 0aston is there !ramps my style #espite the glass. If only it%ere #ar"er. I !l t!h his han#s. 58. 7A+55, 2It$s the hi!"eys I #on$t li"e&4 I %hisper. 2E'erything else . . . %hat yo #i#4;I lo%er my 'oi!e e'en f rther;2%ith the han#! ffs& I en=oye# that. -ell&more than en=oye#. It %as min#<blo%ing. 5o !an #o that to me again anytime.4 He shifts in his seat. 2Min#<blo%ing.4 My inner go##ess loo"s p startle#from her Da!"ie 3ollins. 25es.4 I grin. I fle9 my toes into his har#ening !rot!h an# see rather than hearhis sharp inta"e of breath& his lips parting. 25o sho l# really be %earing yo r seat belt& Mrs. 0rey.4 His 'oi!e is lo%&an# I ! rl my toes aro n# him on!e more. He inhales an# his eyes #ar"en& an# he!lasps my an"le in %arning. Does he %ant me stop. 3ontin e. He pa ses& s!o%lsthen fishes his e'er<present >la!">erry o t of his po!"et to ta"e an in!oming !all%hile glan!ing at his %at!h. His fro%n #eepens. 2>arney&4 he snaps. 3rap. -or" interr pting s again. I try to remo'e my feet& b t he tightens hisfingers aro n# my an"le. 2In the ser'er room.4 he says in #isbelief. 2Di# it a!ti'ate the fire s ppres<sion system.4 Fire! I ta"e my feet off his lap an# this time he lets me. I sit ba!" in my seat&b !"le my seat belt& an# fi##le ner'o sly %ith the fifteen<tho san#<e ro bra!elet.3hristian presses the b tton in his #oor armrest again an# the

pri'a!y glass sli#es#o%n. 2Anyone in= re#. Damage. I see . . . -hen.4 3hristian glan!es at his %at!hagain then r ns his han# thro gh his hair. 21o. 1ot the fire #epartment or the po<li!e. 1ot yet any%ay.4 Holy !rap! A fire. At 3hristian$s offi!e. I gape at him& my min# ra!ing.(aylor shifts so he !an hear 3hristian$s !on'ersation. 2Has he. 0oo# . . . /"ay. I %ant a #etaile# #amage report. An# a !ompleter n#o%n of e'eryone %ho ha# a!!ess o'er the last fi'e #ays& in!l #ing the !lean<ing staff . . . 0et hol# of An#rea an# get her to !all me . . . 5eah& so n#s li"e theargon is = st as effe!ti'e& %orth its %eight in gol#.4 Damage report. Argon. It rings a #istant bell from !hemistry !lass;an ele<ment& I thin". 2I reali)e it$s early . . . E<mail me in t%o ho rs . . . 1o& I nee# to "no%. (han"yo for !alling me.4 3hristian hangs p& then imme#iately p n!hes a n mber intothe >la!">erry. 70. 7E+55, 2-el!h . . . 0oo# . . . -hen.4 3hristian glan!es at his %at!h yet again. 2Anho r then . . . yes . . . (%enty<fo r<se'en at the off<site #ata store . . . goo#.4 Hehangs p. 26hilippe& I nee# to be onboar# %ithin the ho r.4 2Monsie r.4 Shit& it$s 6hilippe& not 0aston. (he !ar s rges for%ar#. 3hristian glan!es at me& his e9pression nrea#able. 2Anyone h rt.4 I as" B ietly. 3hristian sha"es his hea#. 2Cery little #amage.4 He rea!hes o'er an# !laspsmy han#& sB ee)ing it reass ringly. 2Don$t %orry abo t this. My team is on it.4An# there he is& the 3E/& in !omman#& in !ontrol an# not fl stere# at all. 2-here %as the fire.4 2Ser'er room.4 20rey Ho se.4 25es.4 His responses are !lippe#& so I "no% he #oesn$t %ant to tal" abo t it. 2-hy so little #amage.4 2(he ser'er room is fitte# %ith a state<of<the<art fire s ppression system.4 /f !o rse it is. 2Ana& please . . . #on$t %orry.4 2I$m not %orrie#&4 I lie. 2-e #on$t "no% for s re that it %as arson&4 he says& ! tting to the heart ofmy an9iety. My han# !l t!hes my throat in fear. 3harlie (ango an# no% this. -hat ne9t. 7,. I$m restless. 3hristian has been hole# p in the onboar# st #y for o'er an ho r. Iha'e trie# rea#ing& %at!hing (C& s nbathing;f lly #resse# s nbathing;b t I!an$t rela9& an# I !an$t ri# myself of this e#gy feeling. After !hanging into shortsan# a (<shirt& I remo'e the l #i!ro sly e9pensi'e bangle an# go to fin# (aylor. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 he says& startle# from his Anthony > rgess no'el. He$s sittingin the small salon o tsi#e 3hristian$s st #y. 2I$# li"e to go shopping.4 25es ma$am.4 He stan#s. 2I$# li"e to ta"e the Det S"i.4 7A. 75+55, His mo th #rops open. 2Erm.4 He fro%ns& lost for %or#s. 2I #on$t %ant to bother 3hristian %ith this.4 He represses a sigh. 2Mrs. 0rey . . . m . . . I #on$t thin" Mr. 0rey %o l# be'ery !omfortable %ith that& an# I$# li"e to "eep my =ob.4 /h& for hea'en$s sa"e! I %ant to roll my eyes at him& b t I narro% them in<stea#& sighing hea'ily an# e9pressing& I thin"& the right amo nt of fr strate# in#ig<nation that I am not mistress of my o%n #estiny. (hen again& I #on$t %ant 3hristi<an ma# at (aylor;or me& for that matter. Stri#ing !onfi#ently past him& I "no!"on the st #y #oor an# enter. 3hristian is on his >la!">erry& leaning against the mahogany #es". Heglan!es p. 2An#rea& hol# please&4 he m tters #o%n the phone& his e9pression ser<io s.

His ga)e is politely e9pe!tant. Shit. -hy #o I feel li"e I$'e entere# the prin< !ipal$s offi!e. (his man ha# me in han#! ffs yester#ay. I ref se to be intimi#ate#by him& he$s my h sban# #amn it. I sB are my sho l#ers an# gi'e him a broa#smile. 2I$m going shopping. I$ll ta"e se! rity %ith me.4 2S re& ta"e one of the t%ins an# (aylor& too&4 he says& an# I "no% that%hate'er$s happening is serio s be!a se he #oesn$t B estion me f rther. I stan#staring at him& %on#ering if I !an help. 2Anything else.4 he as"s. He %ants me gone. 3rap. 23an I get yo anything.4 I as". He smiles his s%eet shy smile. 21o& baby& I$m goo#&4 he says. 2(he !re% %ill loo" after me.4 2/"ay.4 I %ant to "iss him. Hell& I !an;he$s my h sban#. Strolling p rpose<f lly for%ar#& I plant a "iss on his lips& s rprising him. 2An#rea& I$ll !all yo ba!"&4 he m tters. He p ts the >la!">erry #o%n on the#es" behin# him& p lls me into his embra!e& an# "isses me passionately. I ambreathless %hen he releases me. His eyes are #ar" an# nee#y. 25o $re #istra!ting me. I nee# to sort this& so I !an get ba!" to my honey<moon.4 He r ns an in#e9 finger #o%n my fa!e an# !aresses my !hin& tilting myfa!e p. 2/"ay. I$m sorry.4 26lease #on$t apologi)e& Mrs. 0rey. I lo'e yo r #istra!tions.4 He "isses the!orner of my mo th. 20o spen# some money.4 He releases me. 7E. 77+55, 2-ill #o.4 I smir" at him as I e9it his st #y. My s b!ons!io s sha"es herhea# an# p rses her lips. 5o #i#n$t tell him yo %ere going on the Det S"i& she!hastises me in her singsong 'oi!e. I ignore her . . . Harpy. (aylor is patiently %aiting. 2(hat$s all !leare# %ith high !omman# . . . !an %e go.4 I smile& trying to"eep the sar!asm o t of my 'oi!e. (aylor #oesn$t hi#e his a#miring smile. 2Mrs. 0rey& after yo .4(aylor patiently tal"s me thro gh the !ontrols on the Det S"i an# ho% to ri#e it. Hehas a !alm& gentle a thority abo t himH he$s a goo# tea!her. -e are in the motorla n!h& bobbing an# %ea'ing on the !alm %aters of the harbor besi#e the Fair@a#y. 0aston loo"s on& his e9pression hi##en by his sha#es& an# one of the Fair@a#y$s !re% is at the !ontrols of the motor la n!h. Dee);three people %ith me&= st be!a se I %ant to go shopping. It$s ri#i! lo s. Kipping p my life =a!"et& I gi'e (aylor a beaming grin. He hol#s o t hishan# to assist me as I !limb onto the Det S"i. 2Fasten the strap of the ignition "ey aro n# yo r %rist& Mrs. 0rey. If yo falloff& the engine %ill ! t o t a tomati!ally&4 he e9plains. 2/"ay.4 2Rea#y.$ I no# enth siasti!ally. 26ress the ignition %hen yo $'e #rifte# abo t fo r feet a%ay from the boat.-e$ll follo% yo .4 2/"ay.4 He p shes the Det S"i a%ay from the la n!h& an# it floats gently into the mainharbor. -hen he gi'es me the o"ay sign& I press the ignition b tton an# the engineroars into life. 2/"ay& Mrs. 0rey& easy #oes it!4 (aylor sho ts. I sB ee)e the a!!elerator.(he Det S"i l r!hes for%ar# then stalls. 3rap! Ho% #oes 3hristian ma"e it loo" soeasy. I try again& an# on!e again& I stall. Do ble !rap! 2D st stea#y on the gas& Mrs. 0rey&4 (aylor !alls. 25eah& yeah& yeah&4 I m tter n#er my breath. I try on!e more& 'ery gentlysB ee)ing the le'er& an# the Det S"i l r!hes for%ar#;b t this time it "eeps going. 74. 7:+55,5es! It goes some more. Ha ha! It still "eeps going! I %ant to sho t an# sB eal ine9!itement& b t I resist. I !r ise gently a%ay from the ya!ht into the main harbor.>ehin# me& I hear the throaty roar of the motor

la n!h. -hen I sB ee)e the gasf rther& the Det S"i leaps for%ar#& s"ating a!ross the %ater. -ith the %arm bree)ein my hair an# a fine sea spray on either si#e of me& I feel free. (his ro!"s! 1o%on#er 3hristian ne'er lets me #ri'e. Rather than hea# for the shore an# ! rtail the f n& I 'eer aro n# to #o a !ir<! it of the stately Fair @a#y. -o%;this is so m !h f n. I ignore (aylor an# the!re% behin# me an# spee# aro n# the ya!ht for a se!on# time. As I !omplete the!ir! it& I spot 3hristian on #e!". I thin" he$s gaping at me& tho gh it$s #iffi! lt totell. >ra'ely& I lift one han# from the han#lebars an# %a'e enth siasti!ally at him.He loo"s li"e he$s ma#e of stone& b t finally he raises his han# in the semblan!eof a stiff %a'e. I !an$t %or" o t his e9pression& an# something tells me I #on$t%ant to& so I hea# to the marina& spee#ing a!ross the bl e %ater of the Me#iter<ranean that shimmers in the late afternoon s n. At the #o!"& I %ait an# let (aylor p ll p ahea# of me. His e9pression isblea"& an# my heart sin"s& tho gh 0aston loo"s 'ag ely am se#. I %on#er brieflyif something has happene# to !hill 0alli!<Ameri!an relations& b t #eep #o%n Is spe!t the problem is probably me. 0aston leaps o t of the motorboat an# ties itto the moorings %hile (aylor #ire!ts me to !ome alongsi#e. Cery gently I ease theDet S"i into position besi#e the boat an# line p besi#e him. His e9pression softensa little. 2D st s%it!h off the ignition& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says !almly& rea!hing for thehan#lebars an# hol#ing o t a han# to help me into the motorboat. I nimbly !limbaboar#& impresse# that I #on$t fall in. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 (aylor blin"s ner'o sly& his !hee"s pin" on!e more. 2Mr. 0reyis not entirely !omfortable %ith yo ri#ing on the Det S"i.4 He$s pra!ti!allysB irming %ith embarrassment& an# I reali)e he$s ha# an irate !all from 3hristian./h& my poor& pathologi!ally o'erprote!ti'e h sban#& %hat am I going to #o %ithyo . I smile serenely at (aylor. 2I see. -ell& (aylor& Mr. 0rey is not here& an# ifhe$s not entirely !omfortable& I$m s re he$ll gi'e me the !o rtesy of telling mehimself %hen I$m ba!" on boar#.4 (aylor %in!es. 2Cery goo#& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says B ietly& han#ing me myp rse. 75. 7*+55, As I !limb o t of the boat& I !at!h a glimpse of his rel !tant smile& an# itma"es me %ant to smile& too. I !annot belie'e ho% fon# I am of (aylor& b t Ireally #on$t appre!iate being s!ol#e# by him;he$s not my father or my h sban#. 3rap& 3hristian$s ma#;an# he has eno gh to %orry abo t at the moment.-hat %as I thin"ing. As I stan# on the #o!" %aiting for (aylor to !limb p& I feelmy >la!">erry 'ibrate in my p rse an# fish it o t. Sa#G$s 25o r @o'e is Fing4 ismy ring tone for 3hristian;only for 3hristian. 2Hi&4 I m rm r. 2Hi&4 he says. 2I$ll !ome ba!" on the boat. Don$t be ma#.4 I hear his small gasp of s rprise. 2?m . . .4 2It %as f n& tho gh&4 I %hisper. He sighs. 2-ell& far be it for me to ! rtail yo r f n& Mrs. 0rey. D st be !are<f l. 6lease.4 /h my! 6ermission to ha'e f n! 2I %ill. Anything yo %ant from to%n.4 2D st yo & ba!" in one pie!e.4 2I$ll #o my best to !omply& Mr. 0rey.4 2I$m gla# to hear it& Mrs. 0rey.4 2-e aim to please&4 I respon# %ith a giggle. I hear his smile in his 'oi!e. 2I ha'e another !all;laters& baby.4 2@aters& 3hristian.4 He hangs p. Det S"i !risis a'erte#& I thin". (he !ar is %aiting& an# (aylorhol#s the #oor open for me. I %in" at him as I !limb in& an# he sha"es his hea# inam sement. In the !ar& I fire p the e<mail on my

>la!">erry.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL (han" 5o DateL A g st ,:& A0,, ,7L55(oL 3hristian 0reyFor not being too gro !hy. 77. 78+55,5o r lo'ing %ife999FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL (rying to Stay 3almDateL A g st ,:& A0,, ,7L58(oL Anastasia 0rey5o $re %el!ome.3ome ba!" in one pie!e.(his is not a reB est.93hristian 0rey3E/ M /'erprote!ti'e H sban#& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. His response ma"es me smile. My !ontrol frea".-hy #i# I %ant to !ome shopping. I hate shopping. > t #eep #o%n I "no% %hy&an# I %al" #etermine#ly past 3hanel& 0 !!i& Dior& an# the other #esignerbo tiB es an# e'ent ally fin# the anti#ote to %hat ails me in a small& o'ersto!"e#&to risty store. It$s a little sil'er an"le bra!elet %ith small hearts an# little bells. Ittin"les s%eetly an# it !osts fi'e e ros. As soon as I$'e bo ght it& I p t it on. (hisis me;this is %hat I li"e. Imme#iately I feel more !omfortable. I #on$t %ant tolose to !h %ith the girl %ho li"es this& e'er. Deep #o%n I "no% that I$m not onlyo'er%helme# by 3hristian himself b t also by his %ealth. -ill I e'er get se# toit. (aylor an# 0aston follo% me # tif lly thro gh the late afternoon !ro%#s& an#I soon forget they are there. I %ant to b y something for 3hristian& something tota"e his min# off %hat$s happening in Seattle. > t %hat #o I b y for the man %hohas e'erything. I pa se in a small mo#ern sB are s rro n#e# by stores an# ga)eat ea!h one in t rn. -hen I spy an ele!troni!s store& o r 'isit to the gallery earlier 7:. :0+55,to#ay an# o r 'isit to the @o 're !ome ba!" to me. -e %ere loo"ing at the Cen s#e Milo at the time . . . 3hristian$s %or#s e!ho in my hea#& 2-e !an all appre!iatethe female form. -e lo'e to loo" %hether in marble or oils or satin or film.4 It gi'es me an i#ea& a #aring i#ea. I = st nee# help !hoosing the right one& an#there$s only one person %ho !an help me. I %restle my >la!">erry o t of myp rse an# !all DosG. 2-ho . . . .4 he m mbles sleepily. 2DosG& it$s Ana.4 2Ana& hi! -here are yo . 5o o"ay.4 He so n#s more alert no%& !on!erne#. 2I$m in 3annes in the So th of Fran!e& an# I$m fine.4 2So th of Fran!e& h h. 5o in some fan!y hotel.4 2?m . . . no. -e$re staying on a boat.4 2A boat.4 2A big boat.4 I !larify& sighing. 2I see.4 His tone !hills . . . Shit& I sho l# not ha'e !alle# him. I #on$t nee#this right no%. 2DosG& I nee# yo r a#'i!e.4 2My a#'i!e.4 He so n#s st nne#. 2S re&4 he says& an# this time he$s m !hmore frien#ly. I tell him my plan.(%o ho rs later& (aylor helps me o t of the motor la n!h onto the steps p to the#e!". 0aston is helping the #e!"han# %ith the Det S"i. 3hristian is no%here to beseen& an# I s! rry #o%n to o r !abin to %rap his present& feeling a !hil#ish senseof #elight. 25o %ere gone some time.4 3hristian startles me = st as I am applying thelast pie!e of tape. I t rn to fin# him stan#ing in the #oor%ay to the !abin& %at!h<ing me intently. Holy shit! Am I still in tro ble o'er the Det S"i. /r is it the fire athis offi!e. 2E'erything in !ontrol at yo r offi!e.4 I as" tentati'ely. 2More or less&4 he says& an annoye# fro%n flitting a!ross his fa!e. 2I #i# a little shopping&4 I m rm r& hoping to lighten his moo#& an# prayinghis annoyan!e is not #ire!te# at me. He smiles %armly& an# I "no% %e$re o"ay. 2-hat #i# yo b y.4

7*. :,+55, 2(his&4 I p t my foot p on the be# an# sho% him my an"le !hain. 2Cery ni!e&4 he says. He steps o'er to me an# fon#les the tiny bells so thatthey =ingle s%eetly aro n# my an"le. He fro%ns again an# r ns his fingers lightlyalong the mar"& sen#ing tingles p my leg. 2An# this.4 I hol# o t the bo9& hoping to #istra!t him. 2For me.4 he as"s in s rprise. I no# shyly. He ta"es the bo9 an# sha"es itgently. He grins his boyish& #a))ling smile an# sits #o%n besi#e me on the be#.@eaning o'er& he grasps my !hin an# "isses me. 2(han" yo &4 he says %ith shy #elight. 25o ha'en$t opene# it yet.4 2I$ll lo'e it& %hate'er it is.4 He ga)es #o%n at me& his eyes glo%ing. 2I #on$tget many presents.4 2It$s har# to b y yo things. 5o ha'e e'erything.4 2I ha'e yo .4 25o #o.4 I grin at him. /h& yo so #o& 3hristian. He ma"es short %or" of the %rapping paper. 2A 1i"on.4 He glan!es p atme& p ))le#. 2I "no% yo ha'e yo r !ompa!t #igital !amera b t this is for . . . m . . . por<traits an# the li"e. It !omes %ith t%o lenses.4 He blin"s at me& still not n#erstan#ing. 2(o#ay in the gallery yo li"e# the Floren!e D$elle photographs. An# I re<member %hat yo sai# in the @o 're. An# of !o rse& there %ere those other pho<tographs.4 I s%allo%& trying my best not to re!all the images I fo n# in his !loset. He stops breathing& his eyes %i#ening as reali)ation #a%ns& an# I !ontin eh rrie#ly before I lose my ner'e. 2I tho ght yo might& m . . . li"e to ta"e pi!t res of . . . me.4 26i!t res. /f yo .4 He gapes at me& ignoring the bo9 on his lap. I no#& #esperately trying to ga ge his rea!tion. Finally he ga)es ba!" #o%n atthe bo9& his fingers tra!ing o'er the ill stration of the !amera on the front %ithfas!inate# re'eren!e. -hat is he thin"ing. /h& this is not the rea!tion I %as e9pe!ting& an# my s b<!ons!io s glares at me li"e I$m a #omesti!ate# farm animal. 3hristian ne'er rea!tsthe %ay I e9pe!t. He loo"s ba!" p& his eyes fille# %ith %hat& pain. 2-hy #o yo thin" I %ant this.4 he as"s& bem se#. 1o& no& no! 5o sai# yo $# lo'e it . . . 78. :A+55, 2Don$t yo .4 I as"& ref sing to a!"no%le#ge my s b!ons!io s %ho is B es<tioning %hy anyone %o l# %ant eroti! photographs of me. 3hristian s%allo%s an#r ns a han# thro gh his hair& an# he loo"s so lost& so !onf se#. He ta"es a #eepbreath. 2For me& photos li"e those ha'e s ally been an ins ran!e poli!y& Ana. I"no% I$'e ob=e!tifie# %omen for so long&4 he says an# pa ses a%"%ar#ly. 2An# yo thin" ta"ing pi!t res of me is . . . m& ob=e!tifying me.4 All the airlea'es my bo#y& an# the bloo# #rains from my fa!e. He s!r n!hes p his eyes. 2I am so !onf se#&4 he %hispers. -hen he openshis eyes again& they are %i#e an# %ary& f ll of some ra% emotion. Shit. Is it me. My B estions earlier abo t his birth mom. (he fire at hisoffi!e. 2-hy #o yo say that.4 I %hisper& pani! rising in my throat. I tho ght he %ashappy. I tho ght %e %ere happy. I tho ght I ma#e him happy. I #on$t %ant to !on<f se him. Do I. My min# starts ra!ing. He hasn$t seen Flynn in nearly three%ee"s. Is that it. Is that the reason he$s nra'eling. Shit& sho l# I !all Flynn. An#in a possibly niB e moment of e9traor#inary #epth an# !larity& it !omes tome;the fire& 3harlie (ango& the Det S"i . . . He$s s!are#& he$s s!are# for me& an#seeing these mar"s on my s"in m st bring that home. He$s been f ssing abo tthem all #ay& !onf sing himself be!a se he$s not se# to feeling n!omfortableabo t infli!ting pain. (he tho ght !hills me. He

shr gs an# on!e more his eyes mo'e #o%n to my %rist %here the banglehe bo ght me this afternoon se# to be. >ingo! 23hristian& these #on$t matter.4 I hol# p my %rist& re'ealing the fa#ing %elt.25o ga'e me a safe %or#. Shit ;yester#ay %as f n. I en=oye# it. Stop broo#ingabo t it;I li"e ro gh se9& I$'e tol# yo that before.4 I bl sh s!arlet as I try toB ash my rising pani!. He ga)es at me intently& an# I ha'e no i#ea %hat he$s thin"ing. Maybe he$smeas ring my %or#s. I st mble on. 2Is this abo t the fire. Do yo thin" it$s !onne!te# someho% to 3harlie(ango. Is this %hy yo $re %orrie#. (al" to me& 3hristian;please.4 He stares at me& saying nothing an# the silen!e e9pan#s bet%een s again asit #i# this afternoon. Holy f !"ing !rap! He$s not going to tal" to me& I "no%. 2Don$t o'erthin" this 3hristian&4 I s!ol# B ietly& an# the %or#s e!ho& #ist rb<ing a memory from the re!ent past;his %or#s to me abo t his st pi# !ontra!t. I :0. :E+55,rea!h o'er& ta"e the bo9 from his lap& an# open it. He %at!hes me passi'ely as ifI$m a fas!inating alien !reat re. Fno%ing that the !amera is preppe# by the o'erlyhelpf l salesman in the store& an# rea#y to go& I fish it o t of the bo9 an# remo'ethe lens !ap. I point the !amera at him so his bea tif l an9io s fa!e fills the frame.I press the b tton an# "eep it presse#& an# ten pi!t res of 3hristian$s alarme# e9<pression are !apt re# #igitally for posterity. 2I$ll ob=e!tify yo then&4 I m rm r& pressing the sh tter again. /n the finalstill his lips t%it!h almost imper!eptibly. I press again& an# this time he smiles . . .a small smile& b t a smile ne'ertheless. I hol# #o%n the b tton on!e more an# seehim physi!ally rela9 in front of me an# po t;a f ll<on& pose#& ri#i! lo s& 2>l eSteel4 po t& an# it ma"es me giggle. /h& than" hea'ens. Mr. Mer! rial isba!";an# I$'e ne'er been so please# to see him. 2I tho ght it %as my present&4 he m tters s l"ily& b t I thin" he$s teasing. 2-ell& it %as s ppose# to be f n& b t apparently it$s a symbol of %omen$soppression.4 I snap a%ay& ta"ing more pi!t res of him& an# %at!h the am sementgro% on his fa!e in s per !lose< p. (hen his eyes #ar"en& an# his e9pression!hanges to pre#atory. 25o %ant to be oppresse#.4 he m rm rs sil"ily. 21ot oppresse#. 1o&4 I m rm r ba!"& snapping again. 2I !o l# oppress yo big time& Mrs. 0rey&4 he threatens& his 'oi!e h s"y. 2I "no% yo !an& Mr. 0rey. An# yo #o& freB ently.4 His fa!e falls. Shit. I lo%er the !amera an# stare at him. 2-hat$s %rong& 3hristian.4 My 'oi!e oo)es fr stration. (ell me! He says nothing. 0ah! He$s so inf riating. I lift the !amera to my eye again. 2(ell me&4 I insist. 21othing&4 he says an# abr ptly #isappears from the 'ie%fin#er. In one s%ift&smooth mo'e& he s%eeps the !amera bo9 onto the !abin floor& grabs me an#p shes me #o%n onto the be#. He sits astri#e me. 2Hey!4 I e9!laim an# ta"e more photographs of him& smiling #o%n at me%ith #ar" intent. He grabs the !amera by the lens& an# the photographer be!omesthe s b=e!t as he points the 1i"on at me an# presses the sh tter #o%n. 2So& yo %ant me to ta"e pi!t res of yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 he says& am se#. All I!an see of his fa!e is his nr ly hair an# a broa# grin on his s! lpt re# mo th.2-ell& for a start& I thin" yo sho l# be la ghing&4 he says& an# he ti!"les me r th<lessly n#er my ribs& ma"ing me sB eal an# giggle an# sB irm beneath him ntil I

:,. :4+55,grasp his %rist in a 'ain attempt to ma"e him stop. His grin %i#ens& an# he rene%shis efforts %hile snapping pi!t res. 21o! Stop!4 I s!ream. 2Are yo "i##ing.4 he gro%ls an# p ts the !amera #o%n besi#e s so that he!an tort re me %ith both han#s. 23hristian!4 I spl tter an# gasp my la ghing protest. He has ne'er e'erti!"le# me before. F !";stop! I thrash my hea# from si#e to si#e& trying to%iggle o t from n#er him& giggling an# p shing both of his han#s a%ay& b t he$s nrelenting;grinning #o%n at me& en=oying my torment. 23hristian& stop!4 I plea# an# he stops s ##enly. 0rabbing both of my han#s&he hol#s them #o%n on either si#e of my hea# %hile looming o'er me. I am pant<ing an# breathless %ith la ghter. His breathing mirrors mine& an# he ga)es #o%nat me %ith . . . %hat. My l ngs stop f n!tioning. -on#er. @o'e. Re'eren!e.Holy !o%. (hat loo"! 25o . Are. So. >ea tif l&4 he breathes. I stare p at his #ear& #ear fa!e bathe# in the intensity of his ga)e& an# it$s asif he$s seeing me for the first time. @eaning #o%n& he !loses his eyes an# "issesme& enrapt re#. His response is a %a"e< p !all to my libi#o . . . seeing him li"ethis& n#one& by me. /h my. He releases my han#s an# ! rls his fingers aro n#my hea# an# into my hair& hol#ing me gently in pla!e& an# my bo#y rises an# fills%ith my aro sal& respon#ing to his "iss. An# s ##enly the nat re of his "iss alters&no longer s%eet& re'erential an# a#miring& b t !arnal& #eep an# #e'o ring;histong e in'a#ing my mo th& ta"ing not gi'ing& his "iss possessing a #esperatenee#y e#ge. As #esire !o rses thro gh my bloo#& a%a"ening e'ery m s!le an#sine% in its %a"e& I feel a frisson of alarm. /h& Fifty& %hat$s %rong. He inhales sharply an# groans. 2/h& %hat yo #o to me&4 he m rm rs& lostan# ra%. He mo'es s ##enly& lying #o%n on top of me& pressing me into the mat<tress;one han# ! pping my !hin& the other s"imming o'er my bo#y& my breast&my %aist& my hip& an# aro n# my behin#. He "isses me again& p shing his legbet%een mine& raising my "nee& an# grin#ing against me& his ere!tion strainingagainst o r !lothes an# my se9. I gasp an# moan against his lips& losing myself tohis fer'ent passion. I #ismiss the #istant alarm bells in the ba!" of my min#&"no%ing that he %ants me& that he nee#s me& an# that %hen it !omes to !omm <ni!ating %ith me& this is his fa'orite form of self< e9pression. I "iss him %ith :A. :5+55,rene%e# aban#on& r nning my fingers thro gh his hair& fisting my han#s& hol#ingtight. He tastes so goo# an# smells of 3hristian& my 3hristian. Abr ptly& he stops& stan#s p& an# p lls me off the be# so that I am stan#ingin front of him& #a)e#. He n#oes the b tton on my shorts an# "neels B i!"ly&yan"ing them an# my panties #o%n& an# before I !an breathe again& I am ba!" onthe be# beneath him an# he$s nb ttoning his fly. Holy !o%& he$s not ta"ing offhis !lothes or my (<shirt. He hol#s my hea# an# %ith no preamble %hatsoe'er hethr sts himself insi#e me& ma"ing me !ry o t;more in s rprise than anythingelse;b t I !an still hear the hiss of his breath for!e# thro gh his !len!he# teeth. 25essss&4 he hisses !lose to my ear. He stills& then s%i'els his hips on!e&p shing #eeper& ma"ing me groan. 2I nee# yo &4 he gro%ls& his 'oi!e lo% an# h s"y. He r ns his teeth along my=a%& nipping an# s !"ing& an# then he$s "issing me again& har#. I %rap my legsan# arms aro n# him& !ra#ling an# hol#ing him har# against me&

#etermine# to%ipe o t %hate'er$s %orrying him& an# he starts to mo'e . . . mo'e li"e he$s try<ing to !limb insi#e me. /'er an# o'er& franti!& primal& #esperate& an# before I losemyself in the insane rhythm an# pa!e he$s setting& I briefly %on#er on!e more%hat$s #ri'ing him& %orrying him. > t my bo#y ta"es o'er& obliterating thetho ght& !limbing an# b il#ing so I am a%ash %ith sensation& meeting him thr stfor thr st. @istening to his harsh breathing& labore# an# fier!e at my ear. Fno%ingthat he$s lost in me . . . I groan lo #ly& panting. It$s so eroti!;his nee# for me. Iam rea!hing . . . rea!hing . . . an# he$s #ri'ing me higher& o'er%helming me& ta"<ing me& an# I %ant this. I %ant this so m !h . . . for him an# for me. 23ome %ith me&4 he gasps& an# he rears p o'er me so I ha'e to brea" myhol# aro n# him. 2/pen yo r eyes&4 he or#ers. 2I nee# to see yo .4 His 'oi!e is rgent& impla!<able. My eyes fli!"er open momentarily& an# the sight of him abo'e me;his fa!eta t %ith ar#or& his eyes ra% an# glo%ing. His passion an# his lo'e is my n#oing&an# on ! e I !ome& thro%ing my hea# ba!" as my bo#y p lses aro n# him. 2/h& Ana&4 he !ries an# he =oins my !lima9& #ri'ing into me& then stilling an#!ollapsing onto me. He rolls o'er so that I$m spra%le# on top of him& an# he$sstill insi#e me. As I s rfa!e from my orgasm an# my bo#y stea#ies an# !alms& I%ant to ma"e some B ip abo t being ob=e!tifie# an# oppresse#& b t hol# mytong e& n!ertain of his moo#. I glan!e p from 3hristian$s !hest to e9amine his :E. :7+55,fa!e. His eyes are !lose# an# his arms are %rappe# aro n# me& !linging tight. I"iss his !hest thro gh the thin fabri! of his linen shirt. 2(ell me& 3hristian& %hat$s %rong.4 I as" softly an# %ait an9io sly to see ife'en no%& sate# by se9& he$ll tell me. I feel his arms tighten aro n# me f rther&b t it$s his only response. He$s not going to tal". Inspiration hits me. 2I gi'e yo my solemn 'o% to be yo r faithf l partner in si!"ness an# inhealth& to stan# by yo r si#e in goo# times an# in ba#& to share yo r =oy as %ell asyo r sorro%&4 I m rm r. He free)es. His only mo'ement is to open %i#e his fathomless eyes an# ga)eat me as I !ontin e my %e##ing 'o%s. 2I promise to lo'e yo n!on#itionally& to s pport yo in yo r goals an##reams& to honor an# respe!t yo & to la gh %ith yo an# !ry %ith yo & to share myhopes an# #reams %ith yo & an# bring yo sola!e in times of nee#.4 I pa se& %ill<ing him to tal" to me. He %at!hes me& his lips parte#& b t says nothing. 2An# to !herish yo for as long as %e both shall li'e.4 I sigh. 2/h& Ana&4 he %hispers an# mo'es again& brea"ing o r pre!io s !onta!t sothat %e$re lying si#e by si#e. He stro"es my fa!e %ith the ba!" of his "n !"les. 2I solemnly 'o% that I %ill safeg ar# an# hol# #ear an# #eep in my heart o r nion an# yo &4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e hoarse. 2I promise to lo'e yo faithf lly&forsa"ing all others& thro gh the goo# times an# the ba#& in si!"ness or in health&regar#less of %here life ta"es s. I %ill prote!t yo & tr st yo & an# respe!t yo . I%ill share yo r =oys an# sorro%s an# !omfort yo in times of nee#. I promise to!herish yo an# phol# yo r hopes an# #reams an# "eep yo safe at my si#e. Allthat is mine is no% yo rs. I gi'e yo my han#& my heart& an# my lo'e from thismoment on for as long as %e both shall li'e.4 (ears spring to my eyes. His fa!e softens as he ga)es at me. 2Don$t !ry&4 he m rm rs& his th mb !at!hing an# #ispat!hing a stray tear. 2-hy %on$t yo

tal" to me. 6lease& 3hristian.4 He !loses his eyes as if in pain. 2I 'o%e# I %o l# bring yo sola!e in times of nee#. 6lease #on$t ma"e mebrea" my 'o%s.4 He sighs an# opens his eyes& his e9pression blea". 2It$s arson&4 he sayssimply& an# he loo"s s ##enly so yo ng an# ' lnerable. /h f !". :4. ::+55, 2An# my biggest %orry is that they are after me. An# if they are after me;4He stops& nable to !ontin e. 2. . . (hey might get me&4 I %hisper. He blan!hes& an# I "no% that I ha'e fi<nally n!o'ere# the root of his an9iety. I !aress his fa!e. 2(han" yo &4 I m rm r. He fro%ns. 2-hat for.4 2For telling me.4 He sha"es his hea# an# a ghost of a smile to !hes his lips. 25o !an be 'erypers asi'e& Mrs. 0rey.4 2An# yo !an broo# an# internali)e all yo r feelings an# %orry yo rself to#eath. 5o $ll probably #ie of a heart atta!" before yo $re forty& an# I %ant yo aro n# far longer than that.4 2Mrs. 0rey& yo $ll be the #eath of me. (he sight of yo on the Det S"i;Inearly ha# a !oronary.4 He flops ba!" on the be# an# p ts his han# o'er his eyes&an# I feel him sh ##er. 23hristian& it$s a Det S"i. E'en "i#s ri#e Det S"is. 3an yo imagine %hatyo $ll be li"e %hen %e 'isit yo r pla!e in Aspen an# I go s"iing for the firsttime.4 He gasps an# t rns to fa!e me& an# I %ant to la gh at the horror on his fa!e. 2/ r pla!e&4 he says e'ent ally. I ignore him. 2I$m a gro%n< p& 3hristian& an# m !h to gher than I loo".-hen are yo going to learn this.4 He shr gs an# his mo th thins. I #e!i#e to !hange the s b=e!t. 2So& the fire. Do the poli!e "no% abo t the arson.4 25es.4 His e9pression is serio s. 20oo#.4 2Se! rity is going to get tighter&4 he says matter<of<fa!tly. 2I n#erstan#.4 I glan!e #o%n his bo#y. He$s still %earing his shorts an# hisshirt& an# I still ha'e my (<shirt on. Dee);tal" abo t %ham& bam& than" yo ma$am. (he tho ght ma"es me giggle. 2-hat.4 3hristian as"s& bem se#. 25o .4 2Me.4 25es. 5o . Still #resse#.4 :5. :*+55, 2/h.4 He glan!es #o%n at himself& then ba!" at me& an# his fa!e er pts intoan enormo s smile. 2-ell& yo "no% ho% har# it is for me to "eep my han#s off yo & Mrs.0rey;espe!ially %hen yo $re giggling li"e a s!hoolgirl.4 /h yes;the ti!"ling. 0ah! (he ti!"ling. I mo'e B i!"ly so that I$m stra#<#ling him& b t imme#iately n#erstan#ing my e'il intent& he grabs both of my%rists. 21o&4 he says an# he means it. I po t at him b t #e!i#e that he$s not rea#y for this. 26lease #on$t&4 he %hispers. 2I !o l#n$t bear it. I %as ne'er ti!"le# as a!hil#.4 He pa ses an# I rela9 my han#s so he #oesn$t ha'e to restrain me. 2I se# to %at!h 3arri!" %ith Elliot an# Mia& ti!"ling them& an# it loo"e# li"es !h f n& b t I . . . I . . .4 I pla!e my in#e9 finger on his lips. 2H sh& I "no%&4 I m rm r an# plant a soft "iss on his lips %here my fingerhas = st been& then ! rl p on his !hest. (he familiar painf l a!he s%ells insi#eme& an# the profo n# sa#ness that I hol# in my heart for 3hristian as a little boysei)es me on!e more. I "no% I %o l# #o anything for this man be!a se I lo'e himso. He p ts his arms aro n# me an# presses his nose into my hair& inhaling#eeply as he gently stro"es my ba!". I #on$t "no% ho% long %e lie there& b te'ent ally I brea" the !omfortable silen!e bet%een s. 2-hat is the longest yo $'e gone %itho t seeing Dr. Flynn.4 2(%o %ee"s. -hy. Do yo ha'e an in!orrigible rge to ti!"le me.4 21o.4 I !h !"le. 2I thin" he helps yo .4 3hristian snorts. 2He sho l#H I pay him

eno gh.4 He p lls my hair gently&t rning my fa!e to loo" p at him. I lift my hea# an# meet his ga)e. 2Are yo !on!erne# for my %ell<being& Mrs. 0rey.4 he as"s softly. 2E'ery goo# %ife is !on!erne# for her belo'e# h sban#$s %ell< being& Mr.0rey&4 I a#monish him teasingly. 2>elo'e#.4 he %hispers& an# it$s a poignant B estion hanging bet%een s. 2Cery m !h belo'e#.4 I s!oot p to "iss him& an# he smiles his shy smile. 2Do yo %ant to go ashore to eat& Mrs. 0rey.4 2I %ant to eat %here'er yo $re happiest.4 :7. :8+55, 20oo#.4 He grins. 2Aboar# it is %here I !an "eep yo safe. (han" yo for mypresent.4 He rea!hes o'er an# grabs the !amera& an# hol#ing it at arm$s length& hesnaps the t%o of s in o r post ti!"ling& post!oital& post !onfessional embra!e. 2(he pleas re is all mine&4 I smile an# his eyes light p.-e %an#er thro gh the op lent& gilt splen#or of the eighteenth !ent ry 6ala!e ofCersailles. /n!e a h mble h nting lo#ge& it %as transforme# by the Roi Soleil in<to a magnifi!ent& la'ish seat of po%er& b t e'en before the eighteenth !ent ryen#e# it sa% the last of those absol te monar!hs. (he most st nning room by far is the Hall of Mirrors. (he early afternoonlight floo#s thro gh %in#o%s to the %est& lighting p the mirrors that line the east%all an# ill minating the gol# leaf #G!or an# the enormo s !rystal !han#eliers.It$s breathta"ing. 2Interesting to see %hat be!omes of a #espoti! megalomania! %ho isolateshimself in s !h splen#or&4 I m rm r to 3hristian as he stan#s at my si#e. He ga)es#o%n an# !o!"s his hea# to one si#e& regar#ing me %ith h mor. 25o r point& Mrs. 0rey.4 2/h& merely an obser'ation& Mr. 0rey.4 I %a'e my han# airily at the s r<ro n#ings. Smir"ing& he follo%s me to the !enter of the room %here I stan# an#ga%" at the 'ie%;the spe!ta! lar gar#ens refle!te# in the loo"ing glass an# thespe!ta! lar 3hristian 0rey& my h sban#& refle!te# ba!" at me& his ga)e bright an#bol#. 2I %o l# b il# this for yo &4 he %hispers. 2D st to see the %ay the light b rn<ishes yo r hair& right here& right no%.4 He t !"s a stran# of hair behin# my ear. ::. *0+55,25o loo" li"e an angel.4 He "isses me = st belo% my earlobe& ta"es my han# inhis& an# m rm rs& 2-e #espots #o that for the %omen %e lo'e.4 I fl sh at his !ompliment& smiling shyly& an# follo% him thro gh the 'astroom.2-hat are yo thin"ing abo t.4 3hristian as"s softly& ta"ing a sip of his after<#in<ner !offee. 2Cersailles.4 2/stentatio s& %asn$t it.4 He grins. I glan!e aro n# the more n#erstate#gran#e r of the Fair @a#y$s #ining room an# p rse my lips. 2(his is har#ly ostentatio s&4 3hristian says& a ta# #efensi'ely. 2I "no%. It$s lo'ely. (he best honeymoon a girl !o l# %ant.4 2Really.4 he says& gen inely s rprise#. An# he smiles his shy smile. 2/f !o rse it is.4 2-e$'e only got t%o more #ays. Is there anything yo $# li"e to see or #o.4 2D st be %ith yo &4 I m rm r. He rises from the table& !omes aro n#& an#"isses me on the forehea#. 2-ell& !an yo #o %itho t me for abo t an ho r. I nee# to !he!" my e<mails&fin# o t %hat$s happening at home.4 2S re&4 I say brightly& trying to hi#e my #isappointment that I$ll be %itho thim for an ho r. Is it frea"y that I %ant to be %ith him all the time. My s b!on<s!io s presses her lips into a narro%& nattra!ti'e line an# no#s 'igoro sly. 2(han" yo for the !amera&4 he m rm rs an# hea#s for the st #y.

:*. *,+55,>a!" in o r !abin I #e!i#e to !at!h p on my !orrespon#en!e an# open my laptop.(here are e<mails from my mom an# from Fate& gi'ing me the latest gossip fromhome an# as"ing ho% the honeymoon is going. -ell& great& ntil someone #e<!i#e# to b rn #o%n 0EH In!. . . . As I finish my response to my mom& an e<mailfrom Fate hits my inbo9.FromL Fatherine @. Fa'anaghDateL A g st ,:& A0,, ,,L45 6S((oL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL /M0!!!!Ana& = st hear# abo t the fire at 3hristian$s offi!e.Do yo thin" it$s arson.F 9o9 Fate is online! I = mp on to my ne%fo n# toy;S"ype messaging;an# seethat she$s a'ailable. I B i!"ly type a message. :8. *A+55,/h no;I$m s re 3hristian #oesn$t %ant this broa#!ast all o'er Seattle. I try mypatente# #istra!t<tena!io s<Fa'anagh te!hniB e. *0. *E+55, (r st Fate to be on the trail of this story. I roll my eyes an# sh t S"ype #o%nbefore 3hristian sees the !hat. He %o l#n$t appre!iate the e9< Dom !omment& an#I$m not s re he$s entirely e9 . . . I sigh lo #ly. Fate "no%s e'erything& sin!e o r tipsy e'ening three %ee"s be<fore the %e##ing %hen I finally s !! mbe# to the Fa'anagh inB isition. It %as arelief to finally tal" to someone. I glan!e at my %at!h. It$s been abo t an ho r sin!e #inner& an# I am missingmy h sban#. I hea# ba!" on #e!" to see if he$s finishe# his %or".I am in the Hall of Mirrors an# 3hristian is stan#ing besi#e me& smiling #o%n atme %ith lo'e an# affe!tion. 5o loo" li"e an angel. I beam ba!" at him& b t %henI glan!e into the loo"ing glass& I$m stan#ing on my o%n an# the room is gray an##rab. 1o! My hea# %hips ba!" to his fa!e& to fin# his smile is sa# an# %istf l. Het !"s my hair behin# my ear. (hen he t rns %or#lessly an# %al"s a%ay slo%ly&the so n# of his footsteps e!hoing off the mirrors as he pa!es the enormo s roomto the ornate #o ble #oors at the en# . . . a man on his o%n& a man %ith no refle!<tion . . . an# I %a"e& gasping for air& as pani! sei)es me. 2Hey&4 he %hispers from besi#e me in the #ar"ness& his 'oi!e fille# %ith!on!ern. /h& he$s here. He$s safe. Relief !o rses thro gh me. 2/h& 3hristian&4 I m mble& trying to bring my po n#ing heartbeat n#er !on<trol. He %raps me in his arms& an# it$s only then that I reali)e I ha'e tears stream<ing #o%n my fa!e. 2Ana& %hat is it.4 He stro"es my !hee"& %iping a%ay my tears& an# I !anhear his ang ish. *,. *4+55, 21othing. A silly nightmare.4 He "isses my forehea# an# my tearstaine# !hee"s& !omforting me. 2D st a ba##ream& baby&4 he m rm rs. 2I$'e got yo . I$ll "eep yo safe.4 Drin"ing in his s!ent& I ! rl aro n# him& trying to ignore the loss an# #e'asta<tion I felt in my #ream& an# in that moment& I "no% that my #eepest& #ar"est fear%o l# be losing him. *A. I stir& instin!ti'ely rea!hing for 3hristian only to feel his absen!e. Shit! I %a"e in<stantly an# loo" an9io sly aro n# the !abin. 3hristian is %at!hing me from thesmall& pholstere# arm!hair by the be#. Stooping #o%n& he pla!es something onthe floor& then mo'es an# stret!hes o t on the be# besi#e me. He$s #resse# in his! t<offs an# a gray (<shirt. 2Hey& #on$t pani!. E'erything$s fine&4 he says& his 'oi!e gentle an# sooth<ing;li"e he$s tal"ing

to a !ornere# %il# animal. (en#erly& he smooths the hairba!" from my fa!e an# I !alm imme#iately. I see him trying an# failing to hi#e hiso%n !on!ern. *E. *7+55, 25o $'e been so = mpy these last !o ple of #ays&4 he m rm rs& his eyes %i#ean# serio s. 2I$m o"ay& 3hristian.4 I gi'e him my brightest smile be!a se I #on$t %anthim to "no% ho% %orrie# I am abo t the arson in!i#ent. (he painf l re!olle!tionof ho% I felt %hen 3harlie (ango %as sabotage# an# 3hristian %ent missing;thehollo% emptiness& the in#es!ribable pain;"eeps res rfa!ingH the memory nag<ging me an# gna%ing at my heart. Feeping the smile fi9e# on my fa!e& I try torepress it. 2-ere yo %at!hing me sleep.4 25es&4 he says ga)ing at me stea#ily& st #ying me. 25o %ere tal"ing.4 2/h.4 Shit! -hat %as I saying. 25o $re %orrie#&4 he a##s& his eyes fille# %ith !on!ern. Is there nothing I !an"eep from this man. He leans for%ar# an# "isses me bet%een my bro%s. 2-hen yo fro%n& a little C forms = st here. It$s soft to "iss. Don$t %orrybaby& I$ll loo" after yo .4 2It$s not me I$m %orrie# abo t& it$s yo &4 I gr mble. 2-ho$s loo"ing afteryo .4 He smiles in# lgently at my tone. 2I$m big eno gh an# gly eno gh to loo"after myself. 3ome. 0et p. (here$s one thing I$# li"e to #o before %e hea#home.4 He grins at me& a big boyish yes<I$m<really<only< t%enty<eight grin& an#s%ats my behin#. I yelp& startle#& an# reali)e that to#ay %e$re going ba!" toSeattle an# my melan!holy blossoms. I #on$t %ant to lea'e. I$'e relishe# being%ith him A4<:& an# I$m not rea#y to share him %ith his !ompany an# his family.-e$'e ha# a blissf l honeymoon. -ith a fe% ps an# #o%ns& I a#mit& b t that$snormal for a ne%ly marrie# !o ple& s rely. > t 3hristian !annot !ontain his boyish e9!itement& an# #espite my #ar"tho ghts& it$s infe!tio s. -hen he rises gra!ef lly off the be#& I follo%& intrig e#.-hat has he got in min#.3hristian straps the "ey to my %rist. 25o %ant me to #ri'e.4 25es.4 3hristian grins. 2(hat$s not too tight.4 2It$s fine. Is that %hy yo $re %earing a life =a!"et.4 I ar!h my eyebro%. *4. *:+55, 25es.4 I !an$t help my giggle. 2S !h !onfi#en!e in my #ri'ing !apabilities& Mr.0rey.4 2As e'er& Mrs. 0rey.4 2-ell& #on$t le!t re me.4 3hristian hol#s his han#s p in a #efensi'e gest re& b t he$s smiling. 2-o l#I #are.4 25es yo %o l#& an# yes yo #o& an# %e !an$t p ll o'er an# arg e on thesi#e%al" here.4 2Fair point %ell ma#e& Mrs. 0rey. Are %e going to stan# on this platform all#ay #ebating yo r #ri'ing s"ills or are %e going to ha'e some f n.4 2Fair point %ell ma#e& Mr. 0rey.4 I grasp the han#lebars of the Det S"i an#!lamber on. 3hristian !limbs on behin# me an# "i!"s s a%ay from the ya!ht.(aylor an# t%o of the #e!"han#s loo" on in am sement. Sli#ing for%ar#& 3hristi<an %raps his arms aro n# me an# sn ggles his thighs against mine. 5es& this is%hat I li"e abo t this form of transport. I insert in the ignition "ey an# p sh thestart b tton& an# the engine roars into life. 2Rea#y.4 I sho t to 3hristian o'er the noise. 2As I$ll e'er be&4 he says& his mo th !lose to my ear. 0ently& I p ll on the le'er an# the Det S"i mo'es a%ay from the Fair @a#y&far too se#ately for my li"ing. 3hristian tightens his embra!e. I p ll on the gassome more& an# %e shoot for%ar# an# I$m #elighte# %hen %e #on$t stall. 2-hoa!4 3hristian !alls from behin#& b t the e9hilaration in his 'oi!e is palp<able. I spee# past the Fair @a#y to%ar# the

open sea. -e$re an!hore# o tsi#e the6ort #e 6laisan!e #e Saint<3la #e<# < Car& an# 1i!e 3Nte #$A) r Airport isnestle# in the #istan!e& b ilt into the Me#iterranean& or so it seems. I$'e hear# theo## plane lan#ing sin!e %e arri'e# last night. I #e!i#e %e nee# to ta"e a !loserloo". -e shoot to%ar# it& s"ipping rapi#ly o'er the %a'es. I lo'e this& an# I$mthrille# 3hristian$s letting me #ri'e. All the %orry I$'e felt o'er the past t%o #aysmelts a%ay as %e s"im to%ar# the airport. 21e9t time %e #o this %e$ll ha'e t%o Det S"is&4 3hristian sho ts. I grin be<!a se the tho ght of ra!ing him is thrilling. As %e )oom o'er the !ool bl e sea to%ar# %hat loo"s li"e the en# of the r n<%ay& the th n#ering roar of a =et o'erhea# s ##enly startles me as it !omes in to *5. **+55,lan#. It$s so lo # I pani!& s%er'ing an# hitting the throttle at the same time& mis<ta"ing it for a bra"e. 2Ana!4 3hristian sho ts& b t it$s too late. I$m !atap lte# off the si#e of the DetS"i& arms an# legs flailing& ta"ing 3hristian %ith me in a spe!ta! lar splash. S!reaming& I pl nge into the !rystal bl e sea an# s%allo% a nasty mo thf l ofthe Me#iterranean. (he %ater is !ol# this far from the shore& b t I s rfa!e %ithin asplit se!on#& !o rtesy of my life =a!"et. 3o ghing an# spl ttering& I %ipe the sea<%ater from my eyes an# loo" aro n# for 3hristian. He$s alrea#y s%imming to<%ar# me. (he Det S"i floats inoffensi'ely a fe% feet a%ay from s& its enginesilent. 25o o"ay.4 His eyes are f ll of pani!& as he rea!hes me. 25es&4 I !roa"& b t I !annot !ontain my elation. See& 3hristian. (hat$s the%orst that !an happen on a Det S"i! He p lls me into his embra!e& then grabs myhea# bet%een his han#s& e9amining my fa!e !losely. 2See& that %asn$t so ba#!4 I grin as %e trea# %ater. E'ent ally he smir"s at me& ob'io sly relie'e#. 21o& I g ess it %asn$t. E9<!ept I$m %et&4 he gr mbles& b t his tone is playf l. 2I$m %et& too.4 2I li"e yo %et.4 He leers. 23hristian!4 I s!ol#& trying for fa 9 righteo s in#ignation. He grins& loo"inggorgeo s& then leans in an# "isses me har#. -hen he p lls a%ay& I$m breathless.His eyes are #ar"er& hoo#e# an# heate#& an# I$m %arm in spite of the !ol# %ater. 23ome. @et$s hea# ba!". 1o% %e ha'e to sho%er. I$ll #ri'e.4 *7. *8+55,-e la)e in the >ritish Air%ays first !lass lo nge at Heathro% in @on#on& %aitingfor o r !onne!ting flight to Seattle. 3hristian is engrosse# in the Finan!ial (imes.I p ll o t his !amera& %anting to ta"e some photographs of him. He loo"s so se9yin his tra#emar" %hite linen shirt an# =eans& an# his a'iator spe!s t !"e# into theC of his open shirt. (he flash #ist rbs him. He blin"s p at me an# smiles his shysmile. 2Ho% are yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 he as"s. 2Sa# to be going home&4 I m rm r. 2I li"e ha'ing yo to myself.4 He !lasps my han# an# lifting it to his lips& gra)es my "n !"les %ith a s%eet"iss. 2Me too.4 2> t.4 I as"& hearing that small %or# nsai# at the en# of his simplestatement. He fro%ns. 2> t.4 he repeats #isingen o sly. I tilt my hea# to one si#e& ga)<ing at him %ith the tell me e9pression I ha'e been perfe!ting o'er the last !o pleof #ays. He sighs& p tting his ne%spaper #o%n. 2I %ant this arsonist !a ght an#o t of o r li'es.4 2/h.4 (hat seems fair eno gh& b t I$m s rprise# by his bl ntness. 2I$ll ha'e -el!h$s balls on a platter if he lets anything li"e that happenagain.4 A shi'er r ns #o%n my spine at his mena!ing tone. He ga)es at me im<passi'ely& an# I #on$t "no% if he$s #aring

me to be flippant or %hat. I #o the onlything I !an thin" of to ease the s ##en tension bet%een s an# raise the !ameraan# snap another photograph.2Hey& sleepyhea#& %e$re home&4 3hristian m rm rs. *:. 80+55, 2Hmm&4 I m mble& rel !tant to lea'e my tantali)ing #ream of 3hristian an#me on a pi!ni! blan"et at Fe% 0ar#ens. I am so tire#. (ra'elling is e9ha sting&e'en in first !lass. -e$'e been p for more than eighteen ho rs straight& Ithin";in my fatig e I$'e lost tra!". I hear my #oor open& an# 3hristian is leaningo'er me. He nb !"les my seat belt an# lifts me into his arms& %a"ing me. 2Hey& I !an %al"&4 I protest sleepily. He snorts. 2I nee# to !arry yo o'er the threshol#.4 I p t my arms aro n# his ne!". 2?p all thirty floors.4 I gi'e him a !hallen<ging smile. 2Mrs. 0rey& I am 'ery please# to anno n!e that yo $'e p t on some %eight.4 2-hat.4 He grins. 2So if yo #on$t min#& %e$ll se the ele'ator.4 He narro%s his eyesat me& tho gh I "no% he$s teasing. (aylor opens the #oors to the Es!ala lobby an# smiles. 2-el!ome home Mr.0rey& Mrs. 0rey.4 2(han"s& (aylor&4 says 3hristian. I gi'e (aylor the briefest of smiles an# %at!h him hea# ba!" to the A #i%here Sa%yer %aits at the %heel. 2-hat #o yo mean I$'e p t on %eight.4 I glare at 3hristian. His grinbroa#ens& an# he !lasps me !loser to his !hest as he !arries me a!ross the lobby. 21ot m !h&4 he ass res me b t his fa!e #ar"ens s ##enly. 2-hat is it.4 I try to "eep the alarm in my 'oi!e n#er !ontrol. 25o $'e p t on some of the %eight yo lost %hen yo left me&4 he saysB ietly as he s mmons the ele'ator. A blea" e9pression !rosses his fa!e. His s ##en& s rprising ang ish t gs at my heart. 2Hey.4 I ! rl my fingersaro n# his fa!e an# into his hair& p lling him to%ar# me. 2If I ha#n$t gone& %o l#yo be stan#ing here& li"e this& no%.4 His eyes melt& the !olor of a storm !lo #& an# he smiles his shy smile& my fa<'orite smile. 21o&4 he says an# steps into the ele'ator still hol#ing me. He leans#o%n an# "isses me gently. 21o& Mrs. 0rey& I %o l#n$t. > t I %o l# "no% I!o l# "eep yo safe& be!a se yo %o l#n$t #efy me.4 He so n#s 'ag ely regretf l . . . Shit. 2I li"e #efying yo .4 I test the %aters. 2I "no%. An# it$s ma#e me so . . . happy.4 He smiles #o%n at me thro gh hisbem sement. **. 8,+55, /h& than" hea'ens. 2E'en tho gh I$m fat.4 I %hisper. He la ghs. 2E'en tho gh yo $re fat.4 He "isses me again& more heate# thistime& an# I fist my fingers in his hair& hol#ing him against me& o r tong es t%ist<ing in a slo% sens al #an!e %ith ea!h other. -hen the ele'ator pings to a halt atthe pentho se& %e are both breathless. 2Cery happy&4 he m rm rs. His smile is #ar"er no%& his eyes hoo#e# an# f llof sala!io s promise. He sha"es his hea# as if to re!o'er himself an# !arries meinto the foyer. 2-el!ome home& Mrs. 0rey.4 He "isses me again& more !hastely this time&an# gi'es me the patente#<3hristian<0rey<f ll<giga%att smile& his eyes #an!ing%ith =oy. 2-el!ome home& Mr. 0rey.4 I beam& my heart ans%ering his !all& brimming%ith my o%n =oy. I thin" 3hristian$s going to p t me #o%n& b t he #oesn$t. He !arries methro gh the foyer& a!ross the !orri#or& into the great room& an# #eposits me on the"it!hen islan# %here I sit %ith my legs #angling. He retrie'es t%o !hampagnefl tes from the "it!hen ! pboar# an# a bottle of !hille# !hampagne from thefri#ge;o r fa'orite >ollinger. He #eftly

opens the bottle& not spilling a #rop&po rs the pale pin" !hampagne into ea!h glass& an# han#s one to me. (a"ing pthe other& he gently parts my legs an# mo'es for%ar# to stan# bet%een them. 2Here$s to s& Mrs. 0rey.4 2(o s& Mr. 0rey&4 I %hisper !ons!io s of my shy smile. -e !lin" glassesan# ta"e a sip. 2I "no% yo $re tire#&4 he %hispers& r bbing his nose against mine. 2> t I$#really li"e to go to be# . . . an# not to sleep.4 He "isses the !orner of my mo th.2It$s o r first night ba!" here& an# yo $re really mine.4 His 'oi!e #rifts off as heplants soft "isses #o%n my throat. It$s early e'ening in Seattle& an# I am #og<tire#&b t #esire blooms #eep in my belly an# my inner go##ess p rrs.3hristian is sl mbering pea!ef lly besi#e me as I stare at the pin" an# gol#enstrea"s of the ne% #a%n thro gh the 'ast %in#o%s. His arm is #rape# loosely o'ermy breasts& an# I try to mat!h his breathing in an effort to get ba!" to sleep& b t *8. 8A+55,it$s hopeless. I$m %i#e<a%a"e& my bo#y !lo!" on 0reen%i!h mean time& my min#ra!ing. So m !h has happene# in the last three %ee"s;%ho am I "i##ing& the lastthree months;that I feel that my feet ha'en$t to !he# the gro n#. An# no% here Iam& Mrs. Anastasia 0rey& marrie# to the most #eli!io s& se9y& philanthropi!& ab<s r#ly %ealthy mog l a %oman !o l# meet. Ho% #i# this all happen so fast. I shift onto my si#e to ga)e at him& appraising his bea ty. I "no% he %at!hesme sleep& b t I rarely get the opport nity to repay the !ompliment. He loo"s soyo ng an# !arefree in his sleep& his long lashes fanne# against his !hee"& a lightsmattering of st bble !o'ering his =a%& an# his s! lpt re# lips slightly parte#& re<la9e# as he breathes #eeply. I %ant to "iss him& to p sh my tong e bet%een hislips& r n my fingers o'er his soft yet pri!"ly st bble. I really ha'e to fight the rgenot to to !h him& not to #ist rb him. Hmm . . . I !o l# = st tease his earlobe %ithmy teeth an# s !". My s b!ons!io s glares p at me o'er her half<moon spe!<ta!les& #istra!te# from 'ol me t%o of the 3omplete -or"s of 3harles Di!"ens&an# mentally !hastises me. @ea'e the poor man alone& Ana. I am ba!" to %or" on Mon#ay. -e ha'e to#ay to rea!!limati)e& then %e$reba!" into o r ro tine. It %ill be o## not seeing 3hristian for a %hole #ay afterspen#ing almost e'ery min te together for the last three %ee"s. I lie ba!" an#stare at the !eiling. /ne %o l# thin" that spen#ing so m !h time together %o l#be s ffo!ating& b t that$s = st not the !ase. I$'e lo'e# ea!h an# e'ery min te& e'eno r fighting. E'ery min te . . . e9!ept the ne%s of the fire at 0rey Ho se. My bloo# !hills. -ho !o l# %ant to harm 3hristian. My min# gna%s at thismystery again. Someone in his b siness. An e9. A #isgr ntle# employee. I ha'eno i#ea& an# 3hristian remains tight<lippe# abo t it all& #rip fee#ing me the min<im m information he !an get a%ay %ith in a bi# to prote!t me. I sigh. My shining%hite<an#<#ar" "night al%ays trying to prote!t me. Ho% am I going to ma"e himopen p more. He stirs an# I still& not %anting to %a"e him& b t it has the opposite effe!t.Damn! (%o bright eyes ga)e at me. 2-hat$s %rong.4 21othing. 0o ba!" to sleep.4 I try my reass ring smile. He stret!hes& r bs hisfa!e& an# then grins at me. 2Det lag.4 he as"s. 2Is that %hat this is. I !an$t sleep.4

80. 8E+55, 2I ha'e the ni'ersal pana!ea right here& = st for yo & baby.4 He grins li"e as!hoolboy& ma"ing me roll my eyes an# giggle at the same time. An# = st li"e thatmy #ar" tho ghts are s%ept asi#e an# my teeth fin# his earlobe.3hristian an# I !r ise north on the I<5 to%ar# the 5A0 bri#ge in the A #i R*. -eare going to ha'e l n!h at his parents$& a %el!ome<home S n#ay l n!h. All thefamily %ill be there& pl s Fate an# Ethan. It %ill be strange to be in so m !h !om<pany %hen %e$'e been on o r o%n all this time. I ha'en$t ha# an opport nity total" to 3hristian most of the morning. He %as hole# p in his st #y %hile I n<pa!"e#. He sai# I #i#n$t ha'e to& that Mrs. Dones %o l# #o it. > t that$s somethingelse I nee# to get se# to; ha'ing #omesti! help. I r n my fingers absentmin#e#lyo'er the leather pholstery of the #oor to #istra!t my %an#ering tho ghts. I feelo t of sorts. Is it the =et lag. (he arson. 2-o l# yo let me #ri'e this.4 I as"& s rprise# that I say the %or#s o t lo #. 2/f !o rse&4 3hristian replies& smiling. 2-hat$s mine is yo rs. If yo #ent it&tho gh& I %ill ta"e yo into the Re# Room of 6ain.4 He glan!es s%iftly at me %itha mali!io s grin. Shit! I gape at him. Is this a =o"e. 25o $re "i##ing. 5o $# p nish me for #enting yo r !ar. 5o lo'e yo r !armore than yo lo'e me.4 I tease. 2It$s !lose&4 he says an# rea!hes a!ross to sB ee)e my "nee. 2> t she #oesn$t"eep me %arm at night.4 2I$m s re it !o l# be arrange#. 5o !o l# sleep in her&4 I snap. 3hristian la ghs. 2-e ha'en$t been home one #ay an# yo $re "i!"ing me o talrea#y.4 He seems #elighte#. I ga)e at him an# he gi'es me a fa!e<splitting grin&an# altho gh I %ant to be ma# at him& it$s impossible %hen he$s in this "in# ofmoo#. 1o% that I thin" abo t it& he$s been in a better frame of min# e'er sin!e heleft his st #y this morning. An# it #a%ns on me that I$m being pet lant be!a se%e ha'e to go ba!" to reality& an# I #on$t "no% if he$s going to re'ert to the more!lose# pre<honeymoon 3hristian& or if I$ll get to "eep the ne% impro'e# 'ersion. 2-hy are yo so please#.4 I as". He flashes yet another grin at me. 2>e!a se this !on'ersation is so . . .normal.4 8,. 84+55, 21ormal!4 I snort. 21ot after three %ee"s of marriage! S rely.4 His smile slips. 2I$m "i##ing& 3hristian&4 I m tter B i!"ly& not %anting to "ill his moo#. Itstri"es me ho% ns re he is of himself sometimes. I s spe!t that he$s al%ays beenli"e this& b t has = st hi##en his n!ertainty beneath an intimi#ating e9terior. He$s'ery easy to tease& probably be!a se he$s not se# to it. It$s a re'elation& an# Imar'el again that %e still ha'e so m !h to learn abo t ea!h other. 2Don$t %orry& I$ll sti!" to the Saab&4 I m tter an# t rn to stare o t of the %in<#o%& trying to sha"e off my ba# moo#. 2Hey. -hat$s %rong.4 21othing.4 25o $re so fr strating sometimes& Ana. (ell me.4 I t rn an# smir" at him. 2>a!" at yo & 0rey.4 He fro%ns. 2I$m trying&4 he says softly. 2I "no%. Me too.4 I smile an# my moo# brightens a little.3arri!" loo"s ri#i! lo s in his !hef$s hat an# @i!ense# to 0rill apron as he stan#sat the barbe! e. E'ery time I loo" at him& it ma"es me smile. In fa!t& my spiritsha'e lifte# !onsi#erably. -e are all sitting aro n# the table on the terra!e of the0rey family home& en=oying the late s mmer s n. 0ra!e an# Mia are setting 'ari<o s sala#s o t on the table& %hile Elliot an# 3hristian tra#e frien#ly ins lts an##is! ss plans for the ne% ho se& an# Ethan an# Fate grill me abo t o r honey<moon. 3hristian "eeps hol# of my han#& his

fingers toying %ith my %e##ing an#engagement rings. 2So if yo !an get the plans finali)e# %ith 0ia& I ha'e a %in#o% Septemberthro gh to mi#< 1o'ember an# !an get the %hole !re% on it&4 Elliot says as hestret!hes an# #rops an arm aro n# Fate$s sho l#er& ma"ing her smile. 20ia is # e to !ome o'er to #is! ss the plans tomorro% e'ening&4 replies3hristian. 2I hope %e !an finali)e e'erything then.4 He t rns an# loo"s e9pe!t<antly at me. /h . . . this is ne%s. 2S re.4 I smile at him& mostly for the benefit of his family& b t my spirits ta"ea nose#i'e again. -hy #oes he ma"e these #e!isions %itho t telling me. /r is it 8A. 85+55,the tho ght of 0ia;all l sh hips& f ll breasts& e9pensi'e #esigner !lothes& an#perf me;smiling too pro'o!ati'ely at my h sban#. My s b!ons!io s glares atme. He$s gi'en yo no reason to be =ealo s. Shit& I am p an# #o%n to#ay. -hat$s%rong %ith me. 2Ana&4 Fate e9!laims& snapping me o t of my re'erie. 25o still in the So thof Fran!e.4 25es&4 I reply %ith a smile. 25o loo" so %ell&4 she says& tho gh she fro%ns as she says it. 25o both #o.4 0ra!e beams %hile Elliot refills o r glasses. 2(o the happy !o ple.4 3arri!" grins an# raises his glass& an# e'eryonearo n# the table e!hoes the sentiment. 2An# !ongrat lations to Ethan for getting into the psy!h program at Seattle&4!hips in Mia pro #ly. She gi'es him an a#oring smile& an# Ethan smir"s at her. I%on#er i#ly if she$s ma#e any hea#%ay %ith him. It$s #iffi! lt to tell. I listen to the banter aro n# the table. 3hristian is r nning thro gh o r e9<tensi'e itinerary o'er the last three %ee"s& embellishing here an# there. He so n#srela9e# an# in !ontrol& the %orry of the arsonist forgotten. I& on the other han#&#on$t seem to be able to sha"e my moo#. I pi!" at my foo#. 3hristian sai# I %asfat yester#ay. He %as =o"ing! My s b!ons!io s glares at me again. Elliot a!!i<#entally "no!"s his glass onto the terra!e& startling e'eryone& an# there$s a s ##enfl rry of a!ti'ity to get it !leane# p. 2I am going to ta"e yo to the boatho se an# finally span" yo in there if yo #on$t snap o t of this moo#&4 3hristian %hispers to me. I gasp %ith sho!"& t rn& an# gape at him. -hat. Is he teasing me. 25o %o l#n$t #are!4 I gro%l at him an# from #eep insi#e I feel a familiar&%el!ome e9!itement. He !o!"s an eyebro% at me. /f !o rse he %o l#. I glan!eB i!"ly at Fate a!ross the table. She$s %at!hing s %ith interest. I t rn ba!" to3hristian& narro%ing my eyes at him. 25o $# ha'e to !at!h me first;an# I$m %earing flats&4 I hiss. 2I$# ha'e f n trying&4 he %hispers %ith a li!entio s grin& an# I thin" he$s =o"< ing.I bl sh. 3onf singly& I feel better. As %e finish o r #essert of stra%berries an# !ream& the hea'ens open an# n<e9pe!te#ly soa" s. -e all leap p to !lear the plates an# glasses from the table&#epositing them in the "it!hen. 8E. 87+55, 20oo# thing the %eather hel# off till %e finishe#&4 0ra!e says please#& as %e#rift into the ba!" room #en. 3hristian sits #o%n at the shiny bla!" pright piano&presses the B iet pe#al& an# starts to play a familiar t ne that I !an$t imme#iatelypla!e. 0ra!e as"s me for my impressions of Saint 6a l #e Cen!e. She an# 3arri!"%ent years ago # ring their honeymoon& an# it o!! rs to me that this is a goo#omen& seeing ho% happy they are together no%. Fate an# Elliot are ! ##ling onone of the large o'erst ffe# !o !hes& %hile Ethan& Mia& an# 3arri!" are #eep in a!on'ersation abo t psy!hology& I

thin". S ##enly& as one& all the 0reys stop tal"ing an# gape at 3hristian. -hat. 3hristian is singing softly to himself at the piano. Silen!e #es!en#s on s allas %e strain to hear his soft& lyri!al 'oi!e. I$'e hear# him sing before& ha'en$tthey. He stops& s ##enly !ons!io s of the #eathly h sh that$s fallen o'er theroom. Fate glan!es B estioningly at me an# I shr g. 3hristian t rns on the stoolan# fro%ns& embarrasse# to reali)e he$s be!ome the !enter of attention. 20o on&4 0ra!e rges softly. 2I$'e ne'er hear# yo sing& 3hristian. E'er.4She stares at him in %on#er. He sits on the piano stool& loo"ing absently at her&an# after a beat& he shr gs. His eyes fli!"er ner'o sly to me& then o'er to theFren!h %in#o%s. (he rest of the room s ##enly er pts in self< !ons!io s !hatter&an# I$m left %at!hing my #ear h sban#. 0ra!e #istra!ts me& grasping my han#s then s ##enly fol#ing me in her arms. 2/h& #arling girl! (han" yo & than" yo &4 she %hispers& so only I !an hear. Itbrings a l mp to my throat. 2?m . . .4 I h g her ba!"& not really s re %hy I am being than"e#. 0ra!esmiles& her eyes shining& an# "isses my !hee". /h my . . . -hat ha'e I #one. 2I am going to ma"e some tea&4 she says& her 'oi!e hoarse %ith nshe# tears. I amble o'er to 3hristian %ho is no% stan#ing& staring o t thro gh the Fren!h%in#o%s. 2Hi&4 I m rm r. 2Hi.4 He p ts his arm aro n# my %aist& p lling me to him& an# I slip my han#into the ba!" po!"et of his =eans. -e ga)e o t at the rain. 2Feeling better.4 I no#. 20oo#.4 84. 8:+55, 25o !ertainly "no% ho% to silen!e a room.4 2I #o it all the time&4 he says an# he grins at me. 2At %or"& yes& b t not here.4 2(r e& not here.4 21o one$s e'er hear# yo sing. E'er.4 2It appears not&4 he says #ryly. 2Shall %e go.4 I ga)e p at him& trying to ga ge his moo#. His eyes are soft an# %arm an#slightly bem se#. I #e!i#e to !hange the s b=e!t. 25o going to span" me.4 I %hisper& an# s ##enly there are b tterflies in mystoma!h. 6erhaps this is %hat I nee# . . . this is %hat I ha'e been missing. He ga)es #o%n at me& his eyes #ar"ening. 2I #on$t %ant to h rt yo & b t I$m more than happy to play.4 I glan!e ner'o sly aro n# the large room& b t %e are o t of earshot. 2/nly if yo misbeha'e& Mrs. 0rey.4 He ben#s an# m rm rs in my ear. Ho% !an he p t so m !h sens al promise into si9 %or#s. 2I$ll see %hat I !an #o.4 I grin./n!e %e$'e sai# o r goo#<byes& %e %al" o'er to the !ar. 2Here.4 3hristian thro%s me the "eys to the R*. 2Don$t ben# it4;he a##s inall serio sness;2or I %ill be f !"ing pisse#.4 My mo th goes #ry. He$s letting me #ri'e his !ar. My inner go##ess %hipson her leather #ri'ing glo'es an# flat shoes. /h yes! she !ries. 2Are yo s re.4 I mo th& st nne#. 25es& before I !hange my min#.4 I #on$t thin" I ha'e e'er grinne# so har#. He rolls his eyes an# opens the#ri'er$s #oor so that I !an !limb in. I start the engine before he$s e'en rea!he# thepassenger si#e& an# he = mps in B i!"ly. 2Eager& Mrs. 0rey.4 he as"s %ith a %ry smile. 2Cery.4 Slo%ly& I ease the !ar ba!"%ar# an# t rn it in the #ri'e%ay. I manage not tostall it& s rprising myself. >oy& is the !l t!h sensiti'e. 3aref lly na'igating the#ri'e%ay& I glan!e in my rear'ie% mirror an# see Sa%yer an# Ryan !limb into the 85. 8*+55,A #i S?C. I ha# no i#ea o r se! rity ha# follo%e# s here. I pa se before I seto t onto the main roa#. 25o $re s re abo t this.4 25es&4 3hristian says tightly& telling me he$s not s re abo t this at all. /h& mypoor&

poor Fifty. I %ant to la gh at both him an# myself be!a se I$m ner'o s an#e9!ite#. A small part of me %ants to lose Sa%yer an# Ryan = st for the "i!"s. I!he!" for traffi! then in!h the R* o t onto the roa#. 3hristian ! rls p %ith ten<sion an# I !an$t resist. (he roa# is !lear. I p t my foot #o%n on the gas an# %eshoot for%ar#. 2-hoa! Ana!4 3hristian sho ts. 2Slo% #o%n; yo $ll "ill s both.4 I imme#iately ease off the gas. -o%& !an this !ar mo'e! 2Sorry&4 I m tter& trying to so n# !ontrite an# failing miserably. 3hristiansmir"s at me& to hi#e his relief& I thin". 2-ell& that !o nts as misbeha'ing&4 he says !as ally an# I slo% right #o%n. I glan!e in the rear'ie% mirror. 1o sign of the A #i& = st a solitary #ar" !ar%ith tinte# %in#o%s behin# s. I imagine Sa%yer an# Ryan fl stere#& franti! to!at!h p& an# for some reason this gi'es me a thrill. > t not %anting to gi'e my#ear h sban# a !oronary& I #e!i#e to beha'e an# #ri'e stea#ily %ith gro%ing !on< fi#en!e to%ar# the 5A0 bri#ge. S ##enly& 3hristian s%ears an# str ggles to p ll his >la!">erry from thepo!"et of his =eans. 2-hat.4 he snaps angrily at %hoe'er it is on the other en# of the line. 21o.4he says an# glan!es behin# s. 25es. She is.4 I briefly !he!" the rear'ie% mirror& b t I #on$t see anything o##& = st a fe%!ars behin# s. (he S?C is abo t fo r !ars ba!"& an# %e$re all !r ising at an e'enpa!e. 2I see.4 3hristian sighs long an# har# an# r bs his forehea# %ith his fingers&tension ra#iates off him. Something$s %rong. 25es . . . I #on$t "no%.4 He glan!es at me an# lo%ers the phone from his ear.2-e$re fine. Feep going&4 he says !almly& smiling at me& b t the smile #oesn$tto !h his eyes. Shit! A#renaline spi"es thro gh my system. He pi!"s the phone pagain. 2/"ay on the 5A0. As soon as %e hit it . . . 5es . . . I %ill.4 He slots the phone into the spea"er !ra#le& p tting it on han#s<free. 2-hat$s %rong& 3hristian.4 87. 88+55, 2D st loo" %here yo $re going& baby&4 he says softly. I$m hea#ing for the on<ramp of the 5A0 in the #ire!tion of Seattle. -hen Iglan!e at 3hristian& he$s staring straight ahea#. 2I #on$t %ant yo to pani!&4 he says !almly. 2> t as soon as %e$re on the 5A0proper& I %ant yo to step on the gas. -e$re being follo%e#.4 Follo%e#! Holy shit. My heart l r!hes into my mo th& po n#ing& my s!alppri!"les an# my throat !onstri!ts %ith pani!. Follo%e# by %hom. My eyes #art tothe rear'ie% mirror an#& s re eno gh& the #ar" !ar I sa% earlier is still behin# s.F !"! Is that it. I sB int thro gh the tinte# %in#shiel# to see %ho$s #ri'ing& b t Isee nothing. 2Feep yo r eyes on the roa#& baby&4 3hristian says gently& not in the tr ! <lent tone he normally ses %here my #ri'ing is !on!erne#. 0et a grip! I mentally slap myself to s b# e the #rea# that$s threatening tos%amp me. S ppose %hoe'er$s follo%ing s is arme#. Arme# an# after 3hristi<an! Shit! I$m hit by a %a'e of na sea. 2Ho% #o %e "no% %e$re being follo%e#.4 My 'oi!e is a breathy& sB ea"y&%hisper. 2(he Do#ge behin# s has false li!ense plates.4 Ho% #oes he "no% that. I signal as %e approa!h the 5A0 from the on<ramp. It$s late afternoon& an# al<tho gh the rain has stoppe#& the roa#%ay is %et. Fort nately& the traffi! is reason<ably light. Ray$s 'oi!e e!hoes in my hea# from one of his many self<#efense le!t res.2It$s the pani! that$s gonna "ill yo or get yo serio sly h rt& Annie.4 I ta"e a#eep breath& trying to bring my breathing n#er !ontrol. -hoe'er is follo%ing sis after 3hristian. As I ta"e

another #eep stea#ying breath& my min# begins to!lear an# my stoma!h settles. I ha'e to "eep 3hristian safe. I %ante# to #ri'e this!ar& an# I %ante# to #ri'e it fast. -ell& here$s my !han!e. I grip the steering %heelan# ta"e a final glan!e in my rear'ie% mirror. (he Do#ge is !losing on s. I slo% right #o%n& ignoring 3hristian$s s ##en pani!"e# glan!e at me& an#time my entran!e on to the 5A0 so that the Do#ge has to slo% an# stop to %ait fora gap in the traffi!. I #rop a gear an# floor it. (he R* shoots for%ar#& slamming sboth into the ba!"s of o r seats. (he spee#ometer %hips p to se'enty<fi'e milesper ho r. 8:. ,00+55, 2Stea#y& baby&4 3hristian says !almly& tho gh I$m s re he$s anything b t!alm. I %ea'e bet%een the t%o lines of traffi! li"e a bla!" !o nter in a game of!he!"ers& effe!ti'ely = mping the !ars an# tr !"s. -e$re so !lose to the la"e onthis bri#ge& it$s as if %e$re #ri'ing on the %ater. I st #io sly ignore the angry& #is<appro'ing loo"s from other #ri'ers. 3hristian !l t!hes his han#s together in hislap& "eeping as still as possible& an# in spite of my fe'ere# tho ghts& I %on#er'ag ely if he$s #oing it so he #oesn$t #istra!t me. 20oo# girl&4 he breathes in en!o ragement. He glan!es behin# him. 2I !an$tsee the Do#ge.4 2-e$re right behin# the ns b& Mr. 0rey.4 Sa%yer$s 'oi!e !omes thro gh thehan#s<free. 2He$s trying to !at!h p %ith yo & sir. -e$re going to try an# !omealongsi#e& p t o rsel'es bet%een yo r !ar an# the Do#ge.4 ?ns b. -hat #oes that mean. 20oo#. Mrs. 0rey is #oing %ell. At this rate& pro'i#e# the traffi! remainslight;an# from %hat I !an see it is;%e$ll be off the bri#ge in a fe% min tes.4 2Sir.4 -e flash past the bri#ge !ontrol to%er& an# I "no% %e$re half %ay a!ross@a"e -ashington. -hen I !he!" my spee#& I$m still #oing se'enty<fi'e. 25o $re #oing really %ell& Ana&4 3hristian m rm rs again as he ga)es o t theba!" of the R*. For a fleeting moment& his tone remin#s me of o r first en!o nterin his playroom %hen he patiently en!o rage# me thro gh o r first s!ene. (hetho ght is #istra!ting& an# I #ismiss it imme#iately. 2-here am I hea#e#.4 I as"& mo#erately !almer. I ha'e the feel of the !arno%. It$s a =oy to #ri'e& so B iet an# easy to han#le it$s har# to belie'e ho% fast%e are going. Dri'ing at this spee# in this !ar is easy. 2Mrs. 0rey& hea# for I<5 an# then so th. -e %ant to see if the Do#ge follo%syo all the %ay&4 Sa%yer says o'er the han#s<free. (he traffi! lights on the bri#geare green;than" hea'ens;an# I ra!e on%ar#. I glan!e ner'o sly at 3hristian& an# he smiles reass ringly. (hen his fa!efalls. 2Shit!4 he s%ears softly. (here is a line of traffi! ahea# as %e !ome off the bri#ge& an# I ha'e to slo%.0lan!ing an9io sly in the mirror on!e more& I thin" I spot the Do#ge. 2(en or so !ars ba!".4 8*. ,0,+55, 25eah& I see it&4 3hristian says& peering thro gh the narro% rear %in#o%. 2I%on#er %ho the f !" it is.4 2Me too. Do %e "no% if it$s a man #ri'ing.4 I bl rt o t to%ar# the !ra#le#>la!">erry. 21o& Mrs. 0rey. 3o l# be a man or %oman. (he tint is too #ar".4 2A %oman.4 3hristian says. I shr g. 25o r Mrs. Robinson.4 I s ggest& not ta"ing my eyes off the roa#. 3hristian stiffens an# lifts the >la!">erry o t of its !ra#le. 2She$s not myMrs. Robinson&4 he gro%ls. 2I ha'en$t spo"en to her sin!e my birth#ay. An#Elena %o l#n$t #o this. It$s not her style.4 2@eila.4 2She$s in

3onne!ti! t %ith her parents. I tol# yo .4 2Are yo s re.4 He pa ses. 21o. > t if she$# abs!on#e#& I$m s re her fol"s %o l# ha'e letFlynn "no%. @et$s #is! ss this %hen %e$re home. 3on!entrate on %hat yo $re#oing.4 2> t it might = st be some ran#om !ar.4 2I$m not ta"ing any ris"s. 1ot %here yo $re !on!erne#&4 he snaps. He re<pla!es the >la!">erry in its !ra#le so %e$re ba!" in !onta!t %ith o r se! rityteam. /h shit. I #on$t %ant to rattle 3hristian right no% . . . later maybe. I hol# mytong e. Fort nately& the traffi! is thinning a little. I am able to spee# o'er theMo ntla"e interse!tion to%ar# the I<5& %ea'ing thro gh the !ars again. 2-hat if %e get stoppe# by the !ops.4 I as". 2(hat %o l# be a goo# thing.4 21ot for my li!ense.4 2Don$t %orry abo t that&4 he says. ?ne9pe!te#ly& I hear h mor in his 'oi!e. I p t my foot #o%n again& an# hit se'enty<fi'e. >oy& this !ar !an mo'e. I lo'eit;she$s so easy. I to !h eighty<fi'e. I #on$t thin" I ha'e e'er #ri'en this fast. I%as l !"y if my >eetle e'er hit fifty miles an ho r. 2He$s !leare# the traffi! an# pi!"e# p spee#.4 Sa%yer$s #isembo#ie# 'oi!eis !alm an# informati'e. 2He$s #oing ninety.4 Shit! Faster! I press #o%n on the gas an# the !ar p rrs to ninety<fi'e milesper ho r as %e approa!h the I<5 interse!tion. 2Feep it p& Ana&4 3hristian m rm rs. 88. ,0A+55, I slo% momentarily as %e gli#e onto the I<5. (he interstate is fairly B iet& an#I$m able to !ross straight o'er to the fast lane in a split se!on#. As I p t my foot#o%n& the glorio s R* )ooms for%ar#& an# %e tear #o%n the left lane& lesser mor<tals p lling o'er to let s pass. If I %asn$t so frightene#& I might really en=oy this. 2He$s hit one h n#re# miles per ho r& sir.4 2Stay %ith him& @ "e&4 3hristian bar"s at Sa%yer. @ "e. A tr !" l r!hes into the fast lane;Shit!;an# I ha'e to slam on the bra"es. 2F !"ing i#iot!4 3hristian ! rses the #ri'er as %e l r!h for%ar# in o r seats.I am gratef l for o r seatbelts. 20o aro n# him& baby&4 3hristian says thro gh !len!he# teeth. I !he!" mymirrors an# ! t right a!ross three lanes. -e spee# past the slo%er 'ehi!les an#then ! t ba!" to the fast lane. 21i!e mo'e& Mrs. 0rey&4 3hristian m rm rs appre!iati'ely. 2-here are the!ops %hen yo nee# them.4 2I #on$t %ant a ti!"et& 3hristian&4 I m tter& !on!entrating on the high%ayahea#. 2Ha'e yo ha# a spee#ing ti!"et #ri'ing this.4 21o&4 he says& b t glan!ing B i!"ly at him& I !an see his smir". 2Ha'e yo been stoppe#.4 25es.4 2/h.4 23harm& Mrs. 0rey. It all !omes #o%n to !harm. 1o% !on!entrate. -here$sthe Do#ge& Sa%yer.4 2He$s = st hit one h n#re# an# ten& sir.4 Sa%yer says. Holy f !"! My heart leaps on!e more into my mo th. 3an I #ri'e any faster. Ip sh my foot #o%n on!e more an# strea" past the traffi!. 2Flash the hea#lights&4 3hristian or#ers %hen a For# M stang %on$t mo'e. 2> t that %o l# ma"e me an asshole.4 2So be an asshole!4 he snaps. Dee). /"ay! 2?m& %here are the hea#lights.4 2(he in#i!ator. 6 ll it to%ar# yo .4 I #o it& an# the M stang mo'es asi#e tho gh not before the #ri'er %a'es hisfinger at me in a none<too<!omplimentary manner. I )oom past him. 2He$s the asshole&4 3hristian says n#er his breath& then bar"s at me& 2get offon Ste%art.4 ,00. ,0E+55, 5es sir! 2-e$re ta"ing the Ste%art Street e9it&4 3hristian says to Sa%yer. 2Hea# straight to Es!ala& sir.4 I slo%& !he!" my mirrors& signal&

then mo'e %ith s rprising ease a!ross fo rlanes of the high%ay an# #o%n the off<ramp. Merging onto Ste%art Street& %ehea# so th. (he street is B iet& %ith fe% 'ehi!les. -here is e'eryone. 2-e$'e been #amne# l !"y %ith the traffi!. > t that means the Do#ge has&too. Don$t slo% #o%n& Ana. 0et s home.4 2I !an$t remember the %ay&4 I m tter& pani!"e# by the fa!t the Do#ge is stillon o r tail. 2Hea# so th on Ste%art. Feep going ntil I tell yo %hen.4 3hristian so n#san9io s again. I )oom past three blo!"s b t the lights !hange to yello% on 5aleA'en e. 2R n them& Ana&4 3hristian sho ts. I = mp so har# I floor the gas pe#al&thro%ing s both ba!" in o r seats& spee#ing thro gh the no% re# light. 2He$s ta"ing Ste%art&4 Sa%yer says. 2Stay %ith him& @ "e.4 2@ "e.4 2(hat$s his name.4 A B i!" glan!e an# I !an see 3hristian glaring at me as if I$m !ra)y. 2Eyes onthe roa#!4 he snaps. I ignore his tone. 2@ "e Sa%yer.4 25es!4 He so n#s e9asperate#. 2Ah.4 Ho% #i# I not "no% this. (he man has been follo%ing me to %or" forthe last si9 %ee"s& an# I #i#n$t e'en "no% his first name. 2(hat$s me& ma$am&4 Sa%yer says& startling me& tho gh he$s spea"ing in the!alm& monotone 'oi!e he al%ays ses. 2(he ns b is hea#ing #o%n Ste%art& sir.He$s really pi!"ing p spee#.4 20o& Ana. @ess of the f !"ing !hit!hat&4 3hristian gro%ls. 2-e$re stoppe# at the first light on Ste%art.4 Sa%yer informs s. 2Ana;B i!";in here&4 3hristian sho ts& pointing to a par"ing lot on theso th si#e of >oren A'en e. I t rn& the tires s!ree!hing in protest as I s%er'e intothe !ro%#e# lot. ,0,. ,04+55, 2Dri'e aro n#. O i!"&4 3hristian or#ers. I #ri'e as fast as I !an to the ba!"&o t of sight of the street. 2In there.4 3hristian points to a spa!e. Shit! He %ants meto par" it. 3rap! 2D st f !"ing #o it&4 he says. So I #o . . . perfe!tly. 6robably the only time Iha'e e'er par"e# perfe!tly. 2-e$re hi##en in the par"ing lot bet%een Ste%art an# >oren&4 3hristian saysinto the >la!">erry. 2/"ay& sir.4 Sa%yer so n#s irritate#. 2Stay %here yo areH %e$ll follo% the ns b.4 3hristian t rns to me& his eyes sear!hing my fa!e. 25o o"ay.4 2S re&4 I %hisper. 3hristian smir"s. 2-hoe'er$s #ri'ing that Do#ge !an$t hear s& yo "no%.4 An# I la gh. 2-e$re passing Ste%art an# >oren no%& sir. I see the lot. He$s gone straightpast yo & sir.4 >oth of s sag sim ltaneo sly %ith relief. 2-ell #one& Mrs. 0rey. 0oo# #ri'ing.4 3hristian gently stro"es my fa!e %ithhis fingertips& an# I = mp at the !onta!t& inhaling #eeply. I ha# no i#ea I %as hol#<ing my breath. 2Does this mean yo $ll stop !omplaining abo t my #ri'ing.4 I as". Hela ghs;a lo # !atharti! la gh. 2I %o l#n$t go so far as to say that.4 2(han" yo for letting me #ri'e yo r !ar. ?n#er s !h e9!iting !ir! mstan!es&too.4 I try #esperately to "eep my 'oi!e light. 2Maybe I sho l# #ri'e no%.4 2(o be honest& I #on$t thin" I !an !limb o t right no% to let yo sit here. Mylegs feel li"e Dell</.4 S ##enly I$m sh ##ering an# sha"ing. 2It$s the a#renaline& baby&4 he says. 25o #i# ama)ingly %ell& as s al. 5o blo% me a%ay& Ana. 5o ne'er let me #o%n.4 He to !hes my !hee" ten#erly %iththe ba!" of his han#& his fa!e f ll of lo'e& fear& regret;so many emotions aton!e;an# his %or#s are my n#oing. /'er%helme#& a strangle# sob es!apesfrom my !onstri!te# throat& an# I start to !ry. 21o& baby& no. 6lease #on$t !ry.4 He rea!hes o'er an#& #espite the limite#spa!e %e ha'e& p lls me o'er the han#bra"e !onsole to !ra#le me in

his lap.Smoothing my hair off my fa!e& he "isses my eyes& then my !hee"s& an# I ! rl my ,0A. ,05+55,arms aro n# him an# sob B ietly into his ne!". He b ries his nose in my hair an#%raps me in his arms& hol#ing me tight an# %e sit& neither of s saying anything&= st hol#ing ea!h other. Sa%yer$s 'oi!e startles s. 2(he ns b has slo%e# o tsi#e Es!ala. He$s !as<ing the =oint.4 2Follo% him&4 3hristian snaps. I %ipe my nose on the ba!" of my han# an# ta"e a #eep stea#ying breath. 2?se my shirt.4 3hristian "isses my temple. 2Sorry&4 I m tter& embarrasse# by my !rying. 2-hat for. Don$t be.4 I %ipe my nose again. He tips my !hin p an# plants a gentle "iss on my lips.25o r lips are so soft %hen yo !ry& my bea tif l& bra'e girl&4 he %hispers. 2Fiss me again.4 3hristian stills& one han# on my ba!"& the other on my behin#. 2Fiss me&4 I breathe& an# I %at!h his lips part as he inhales sharply. @eaninga!ross me& he ta"es the >la!">erry o t of its !ra#le& an# tosses it onto the #ri'er$sseat besi#e my san#ale# feet. (hen his mo th is on me as he mo'es his right han#into my hair& hol#ing me in pla!e& an# lifts his left to !ra#le my fa!e. His tong ein'a#es my mo th& an# I %el!ome it. A#renaline t rns to l st strea"ing thro ghmy bo#y. I !lasp his fa!e& r nning my fingers o'er his si#eb rns& relishing thetaste of him. He groans at my fe'ere# response& lo% an# #eep in his throat& an#my belly tightens s%ift an# har# %ith !arnal #esire. His han# mo'es #o%n mybo#y& br shing my breast& my %aist& an# #o%n to my ba!"si#e. I shift fra!tionally. 2Ah!4 he says an# brea"s a%ay from me& breathless. 2-hat.4 I m tter against his lips. 2Ana& %e$re in a !ar lot in Seattle.4 2So.4 2-ell& right no% I %ant to f !" yo & an# yo $re shifting aro n# on me . . .it$s n!omfortable.4 My !ra'ing spirals o t of !ontrol at his %or#s& tightening all my m s!les be<lo% my %aist on!e more. 2F !" me then.4 I "iss the !orner of his mo th. I %ant him. 1o%. (hat !ar!hase %as e9!iting. (oo e9!iting. (errifying . . . an# the fear has = mp<starte# mylibi#o. He leans ba!" to ga)e at me& his eyes #ar" an# hoo#e#. 2Here.4 His 'oi!e is h s"y. ,0E. ,07+55, My mo th goes #ry. Ho% !an he t rn me on %ith one %or#. 25es. I %antyo . 1o%.4 He tilts his hea# to one si#e an# stares at me for a fe% moments. 2Mrs. 0rey&ho% 'ery bra)en&4 he %hispers& after %hat feels li"e an eternity. His han# tightensaro n# my hair at my nape& hol#ing me firmly in pla!e& an# his mo th is on mineagain& more for!ef lly this time. His other han# s"ims #o%n my bo#y& #o%n o'ermy behin# an# lo%er still to my mi#<thigh. My fingers ! rl into his o'erlong hair. 2I$m so gla# yo $re %earing a s"irt&4 he m rm rs as he slips his han# beneathmy bl e an# %hite patterne# s"irt to !aress my thigh. I sB irm on!e more on hislap an# the air hisses bet%een his teeth. 2Feep still&4 he gro%ls. He ! ps my se9 %ith his han#& an# I still imme#i<ately. His th mb br shes o'er my !litoris& an# my breath !at!hes in my throat aspleas re =olts li"e ele!tri!ity #eep& #eep& #eep insi#e me. 2Still&4 he %hispers. He "isses me on!e more as his th mb !ir!les gentlyaro n# me thro gh the sheer fine la!e of my #esigner n#er%ear. Slo%ly he easest%o fingers passe# my panties an# insi#e me. I groan an# fle9 my hips to%ar# hishan#. 26lease&4 I %hisper. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey. 5o $re so

rea#y&4 he says& sli#ing his fingers in an# o t& tor<t o sly slo%ly. 2Do !ar !hases t rn yo on.4 25o t rn me on.4 He smiles a %olfish grin an# %ith#ra%s his fingers s ##enly& lea'ing me%anting. He s!oops his arm n#er my "nees an#& ta"ing me by s rprise& he liftsme an# s%ings me aro n# to fa!e the %in#shiel#. 26la!e yo r legs either si#e of mine&4 he or#ers& p tting his legs together inthe mi##le of the foot%ell. I #o as I$m tol#& pla!ing my feet on the floor on eithersi#e of his. He r ns his han#s #o%n my thighs& then ba!"& p lling p my s"irt. 2Han#s on my "nees& baby. @ean for%ar#. @ift that glorio s ass in the air.Min# yo r hea#.4 Shit! -e really are going to #o this& in a p bli! par"ing lot. I B i!"ly s!an thearea in front of s an# see no one& b t feel a thrill !o rsing thro gh me. I$m in ap bli! lot! (his is so hot! 3hristian shifts beneath me& an# I hear the telltale so n#of his )ipper. 6 tting one arm aro n# my %aist an# %ith his other han# t ggingmy la!y panties si#e%ays& he impales me in one s%ift mo'e. ,04. ,0:+55, 2Ah!4 I !ry o t& grin#ing #o%n on him& an# his breath hisses thro gh histeeth. His arm sna"es aro n# me p to my ne!" an# he grasps me n#er my !hin.His han# sprea#s a!ross my ne!"& p lling me ba!" an# tilting my hea# to one si#eso he !an "iss my throat. His other han# grips my hip an# together %e start tomo'e. I p sh p %ith my feet& an# he tilts himself into me ;in an# o t. (he sensa<tion is . . . I groan lo #ly. It$s so #eep this %ay. My left han# ! rls aro n# thehan# bra"e& my right han# bra!e# against my #oor. His teeth gra)e my earlobean# he t gs;it$s almost painf l. He b !"s again an# again into me. I rise an# fall&an# as %e establish a rhythm& he mo'es his han# aro n# beneath my s"irt to theape9 of my thighs& an# his fingers gently tease my !litoris thro gh the sheer fineryof my panties. 2Ah!4 2>e. O i!"&4 he breathes into my ear thro gh gritte# teeth& his han# still! rle# aro n# my ne!" beneath my !hin. 2-e nee# to #o this B i!"& Ana.4 An# hein!reases the press re of his fingers against my se9. 2Ah!4 I feel the familiar b il# of pleas re& b n!hing #eep an# thi!" insi#eme. 23ome on& baby&4 he rasps at my ear. 2I %ant to hear yo .4 I moan again& an# I am all sensation& my eyes tightly !lose#. His 'oi!e at myear& his breath on my ne!"& pleas re ra#iating o t from %here his fingers tease mybo#y an# %here he slams #eep insi#e me& an# I am lost. My bo#y ta"es !ontrol&!ra'ing release. 25es&4 3hristian hisses in my ear an# I open my eyes briefly& staring %il#lyat the !loth roof of the R*& an# I s!r n!h them !lose# again as I !ome aro n# him. 2/h& Ana&4 he m rm rs in %on#er& an# he %raps his arms aro n# me an#rams into me one last time an# stills as he !lima9es #eep insi#e. He r ns his nose along my =a% an# softly "isses my throat& my !hee"& mytemple as a lie on him& my hea# lolling against his ne!". 2(ension relie'e#& Mrs. 0rey.4 3hristian !loses his teeth aro n# my earlobeagain an# t gs. My bo#y is #raine#& totally e9ha ste#& an# I me%l. I feel his smileagainst me. 23ertainly helpe# %ith mine&4 he a##s& shifting me off him. 2@ost yo r'oi!e.4 25es&4 I m rm r. ,05. ,0*+55, 2-ell aren$t yo the %anton !reat re. I ha# no i#ea yo %ere s !h ane9hibitionist.4 I sit p imme#iately& alarme#. He tenses. 21o one$s %at!hing are they.4 Iglan!e an9io sly aro n# the !ar lot. 2Do yo thin" I$# let anyone %at!h my %ife !ome.4 He stro"es his han##o%n my ba!"

reass ringly& b t the tone of his 'oi!e sen#s shi'ers #o%n myspine. I t rn to ga)e at him an# grin impishly. 23ar se9!4 I e9!laim. He grins an# t !"s a stran# of hair behin# my ear. 2@et$s hea# ba!". I$ll#ri'e.4 He opens the #oor to let me !limb off his lap an# o t into the par"ing lot.-hen I glan!e #o%n he$s B i!"ly #oing p his fly. He follo%s me o t an# thenhol#s the #oor open for me to !limb ba!" in. Strolling B i!"ly aro n# to the#ri'er$s si#e& he !limbs in besi#e me& retrie'es the >la!">erry& an# ma"es a !all. 2-here$s Sa%yer.4 he snaps. 2An# the Do#ge. Ho% !ome Sa%yer$s not%ith yo .4 He listens intently to Ryan& I ass me. 2Her.4 he gasps. 2Sti!" %ith her.4 3hristian hangs p an# ga)es at me. Her! (he #ri'er of the !ar. -ho !o l# that be;Elena. @eila. 2(he #ri'er of the Do#ge is female.4 2So it %o l# appear&4 he says B ietly. His mo th presses into a thin angryline. 2@et$s get yo home&4 he m tters. He starts p the R* %ith a roar an# re<'erses smoothly o t of the spa!e. 2-here$s the& er . . . ns b. -hat #oes that mean by the %ay. So n#s 'ery>DSM.4 3hristian smiles briefly as he eases the !ar o t of the lot an# ba!" onto Ste%<art Street. 2It stan#s for ?n"no%n S b=e!t. Ryan is e9<F>I.4 2E9<F>I.4 2Don$t as".4 3hristian sha"es his hea#. It$s ob'io s he$s #eep in!ontemplation. 2-ell& %here is this female ns b.4 2/n the I<5& hea#ing so th.4 He glan!es at me& his eyes grim. Dee);from passionate to !alm to an9io s in the spa!e of a fe% moments. Irea!h o'er an# !aress his thigh& r nning my fingers leis rely p the insi#e seam of ,07. ,08+55,his =eans& hoping to impro'e his moo#. He ta"es his han# off the steering %heelan# stops the slo% as!ent of my han#. 21o&4 he says. 2-e$'e ma#e it this far. 5o #on$t %ant me to ha'e an a!!i<#ent three blo!"s from home.4 He raises my han# to his lips an# plants a !ool "isson my in#e9 finger to ta"e the sting o t of his reb "e. 3ool& !alm& a thoritat<i'e . . . My Fifty. An# for the first time in a %hile he ma"es me feel li"e a %ay<%ar# !hil#. I %ith#ra% my han# an# sit B ietly for a moment. 2Female.4 2Apparently so.4 He sighs& t rns into the n#ergro n# garage at Es!ala& an#p n!hes the a!!ess !o#e into the se! rity "eypa#. (he gate s%ings open an# he#ri'es on& smoothly par"ing the R* in its #esignate# spa!e. 2I really li"e this !ar&4 I m rm r. 2Me too. An# I li"e ho% yo han#le# it;an# ho% yo manage# not to brea"it.4 25o !an b y me one for my birth#ay&4 I smir" at him. 3hristian$s mo th #rops open as I !limb o t of the !ar. 2A %hite one& I thin"&4 I a##& leaning #o%n an# smir"ing at him. He smiles. 2Anastasia 0rey& yo ne'er !ease to ama)e me.4 I sh t the #oor an# %al" to the en# of the !ar to %ait for him. 0ra!ef lly he!limbs o t& %at!hing me %ith that loo" . . . that loo" that !alls to something #eepinsi#e me. I "no% this loo" %ell. /n!e he$s in front of me& he leans #o%n an#%hispers& 25o li"e the !ar. I li"e the !ar. I$'e f !"e# yo in it . . . perhaps Isho l# f !" yo on it.4 I gasp. An# a slee" sil'er >M- p lls into the garage. 3hristian glan!es at itan9io sly& then %ith annoyan!e an# smir"s #o%n at me. 2> t it loo"s li"e %e ha'e !ompany. 3ome.4 He grabs my han# an# hea#s forthe garage ele'ator. He p shes the !all b tton an# as %e %ait& the #ri'er of the>M=oins s. He$s yo ng& !as ally #resse#& %ith long& layere#& #ar" hair. Heloo"s li"e he %or"s in the me#ia. 2Hi&4 he says& smiling %armly at s. 3hristian p ts his arm aro n# me an# no#s politely. 2I$'e = st mo'e# in. Apartment

si9teen.4 2Hello.4 I ret rn his smile. He has "in#& soft bro%n eyes. (he ele'ator arri'es an# %e all %al" in. 3hristian glan!es #o%n at me& his e9< pression nrea#able. ,0:. ,,0+55, 25o $re 3hristian 0rey&4 the yo ng man says. 3hristian gi'es him a tight smile. 21oah @ogan.4 He hol#s o t his han#. Rel !tantly& 3hristian ta"es it. 2-hi!hfloor.4 1oah as"s. 2I ha'e to inp t a !o#e.4 2/h.4 26entho se.4 2/h.4 1oah smiles broa#ly. 2/f !o rse.4 He presses the b tton for the eighthfloor an# the #oors !lose. 2Mrs. 0rey& I pres me.4 25es.4 I gi'e him a polite smile an# %e sha"e han#s. 1oah fl shes a little ashe ga)es at me a fra!tion too long. I mirror his fl sh an# 3hristian$s arm tightensaro n# me. 2-hen #i# yo mo'e in.4 I as". 2@ast %ee"en#. I lo'e the pla!e.4 (here$s an a%"%ar# pa se before the ele'ator stops at 1oah$s floor. 20reat to meet yo both&4 he says so n#ing relie'e# an# steps o t. (he #oors!lose silently behin# him. 3hristian taps in the entry !o#e an# the ele'ator as!en#sagain. 2He seeme# ni!e&4 I m rm r. 2I$'e ne'er met any of the neighbors before.4 3hristian s!o%ls. 2I prefer it that %ay.4 2(hat$s be!a se yo $re a hermit. I tho ght he %as pleasant eno gh.4 2A hermit.4 2Hermit. St !" in yo r i'ory to%er&4 I state matter<of<fa!tly. 3hristian$s lipst%it!h %ith am sement. 2/ r i'ory to%er. An# I thin" yo ha'e another name to a## to the list ofyo r a#mirers& Mrs. 0rey.4 I roll my eyes. 23hristian& yo thin" e'eryone is an a#mirer.4 2Di# yo = st roll yo r eyes at me.4 My p lse B i!"ens. 2I s re #i#&4 I %hisper& my breath !at!hing in my throat. He !o!"s his hea# to one si#e& %earing his smol#ering& arrogant& am se# e9<pression. 2-hat shall %e #o abo t that.4 2Something ro gh.4 He blin"s to hi#e his s rprise. 2Ro gh.4 26lease.4 25o %ant more.4 ,0*. ,,,+55, I no# slo%ly. (he #oors to the ele'ator open an# %e$re home. 2Ho% ro gh.4 he breathes& his eyes #ar"ening. I ga)e at him& saying nothing. He !loses his eyes for a moment& an# thengrabs my han# an# ha ls me into the foyer. -hen %e b rst thro gh the #o ble #oors& Sa%yer is stan#ing in the hall%ay&loo"ing e9pe!tantly at the t%o of s. 2Sa%yer& I$# li"e to be #ebriefe# in an ho r&4 3hristian says. 25es& sir.4 ( rning& Sa%yer hea#s ba!" into (aylor$s offi!e. -e ha'e an ho r! 3hristian glan!es #o%n at me. 2Ro gh.4 I no#. 2-ell& Mrs. 0rey& yo $re in l !". I$m ta"ing reB ests to#ay.4 ,08. 2Do yo ha'e anything in min#.4 3hristian m rm rs& pinning me %ith his bol#ga)e. I shr g& s ##enly breathless an# agitate#. I #on$t "no% if it$s the !hase& thea#renaline& my earlier ba# moo#;I #on$t n#erstan#& b t I %ant this& an# I %antit ba#ly. A p ))le# e9pression flits a!ross 3hristian$s fa!e. 2Fin"y f !"ery.4 heas"s& his %or#s a soft !aress. I no#& feeling my fa!e flame. -hy am I embarrasse# by this. I ha'e #one allmanner of "in"y f !"ery %ith this man. He$s my h sban#& #amn it! Am I embar<rasse# be!a se I %ant this an# I$m ashame# to a#mit it. My s b!ons!io s glaresat me. Stop o'erthin"ing. ,,0. ,,E+55, 23arte blan!he.4 He %hispers the B estion& eyeing me spe! lati'ely as ifhe$s trying to rea# my min#. 3arte blan!he. Holy f !";

%hat %ill that entail. 25es&4 I m rm rner'o sly& as e9!itement blooms #eep insi#e me. He smiles a slo% se9y smile. 23ome&4 he says an# t gs me to%ar# the stairs. His intention is !lear. 6lay<room! My inner go##ess %a"es from her post<R*<se9 sl mber& %i#e<eye# an# rar<ing to go. At the top of the stairs& he releases my han# an# nlo!"s the playroom #oor.(he "ey is on the 5es Seattle "ey!hain that I ga'e him not so long ago. 2After yo & Mrs. 0rey&4 he says an# s%ings the #oor open. (he playroom smells reass ringly familiar& of leather an# %oo# an# freshpolish. I bl sh& "no%ing that Mrs. Dones m st ha'e been in here !leaning %hile %e%ere a%ay on o r honeymoon. As %e enter& 3hristian s%it!hes on the lights an#the #ar" re# %alls are ill minate# %ith soft& #iff se# light. I stan# ga)ing at him&anti!ipation r nning thi!" an# hea'y thro gh my 'eins. -hat %ill he #o. He lo!"sthe #oor an# t rns. In!lining his hea# to one si#e& he regar#s me tho ghtf lly an#then sha"es his hea#& am se#. 2-hat #o yo %ant& Anastasia.4 he as"s gently. 25o .4 My response is breathy. He smir"s. 25o $'e got me. 5o $'e ha# me sin!e yo fell into my offi!e.4 2S rprise me then& Mr. 0rey.4 His mo th t%ists %ith represse# h mor an# !arnal promise. 2As yo %ish&Mrs. 0rey.4 He fol#s his arms an# raises one long in#e9 finger to his lips %hile heappraises me. 2I thin" %e$ll start by ri##ing yo of yo r !lothes.4 He steps for<%ar#. 0rasping the front of my short #enim =a!"et& he opens it an# p shes it o'ermy sho l#ers so it falls to the floor. He !lasps the hem of my bla!" !amisole. 2@ift yo r arms.4 I obey& an# he peels it off o'er my hea#. @eaning #o%n& he plants a soft "isson my lips& his eyes glo%ing %ith an all ring mi9 of l st an# lo'e. (he !amisole=oins my =a!"et on the floor. 2Here&4 I %hisper ga)ing ner'o sly at him as I remo'e the hair tie fromaro n# my %rist an# hol# it p for him. He stills& an# his eyes %i#en briefly b tgi'e nothing a%ay. Finally& he ta"es the small ban#. 2( rn aro n#&4 he or#ers. ,,,. ,,4+55, Relie'e#& I smile to myself an# oblige imme#iately. @oo"s li"e %e$'e o'er<!ome that little h r#le. He gathers my hair an# brai#s it B i!"ly an# effi!iently be<fore fastening it %ith the tie. He t gs the brai#& p lling my hea# ba!". 20oo# thin"ing& Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers in my ear& then nips my earlobe.21o% t rn aro n# an# ta"e yo r s"irt off. @et it fall to the floor.4 He releases mean# steps ba!" as I t rn to fa!e him. 1ot ta"ing my eyes off his& I nb tton the%aistban# of my s"irt an# ease the )ipper #o%n. (he f ll s"irt fans o t an# falls tothe floor& pooling at my feet. 2Step o t from yo r s"irt&4 he or#ers. As I step to%ar# him& he "neels s%iftly#o%n in front of me an# grasps my right an"le. Deftly& he nb !"les my san#alsone at a time %hile I lean for%ar#& balan!ing myself %ith a han# on the %all n#erthe pegs that se# to hol# all his %hips& !rops an# pa##les. (he flogger an# theri#ing !rop are the only implements that remain. I eye them %ith ! riosity. -ill he se those. Ha'ing remo'e# my shoes so I$m = st in my la!y bra an# panties& 3hristiansits ba!" on his heels& ga)ing p at me. 25o $re a fine sight& Mrs. 0rey.4 S #<#enly he "neels p& grabs my hips an# p lls me for%ar#& b rying his nose in theape9 of my thighs. 2An# yo smell of yo an# me an# se9&4 he says inhalingsharply. 2It$s into9i!ating.4 He "isses me thro gh my la!e panties& %hile I gasp athis %or#s;my insi#es liB efying. He$s = st so . . . na ghty. 0athering p my!lothes an# san#als& he stan#s in one s%ift&

gra!ef l mo'e& li"e an athlete. 20o an# stan# besi#e the table&4 he says !almly& pointing %ith his !hin. ( rn<ing& he stri#es o'er to the m se m !hest of %on#er. He glan!es ba!" an# smir"s at me. 2Fa!e the %all&4 he !omman#s. 2(hat %ayyo %on$t "no% %hat I$m planning. -e aim to please& Mrs. 0rey& an# yo %ante# a s rprise.4 I t rn a%ay from him listening a! tely;my ears s ##enly sensiti'e to theslightest so n#. He$s goo# at this ;b il#ing my e9pe!tations& sto"ing my #e<sire . . . ma"ing me %ait. I hear him p t my shoes #o%n an#& I thin"& my !lotheson the !hest& follo%e# by the telltale !latter of his shoes as they #rop to the floor&one at a time. Hmm . . . lo'e barefoot 3hristian. A moment later& I hear him p llopen a #ra%er. (oys! /h& I lo'e& lo'e& lo'e this anti!ipation. (he #ra%er !loses an# mybreathing spi"es. Ho% !an the so n# of a #ra%er ren#er me a B i'ering mess. Itma"es no sense. (he s btle hiss of the so n# system !oming to life tells me it$s ,,A. ,,5+55,going to be a m si!al interl #e. A lone piano starts& m te# an# soft& an# mo rnf l!hor#s fill the room. It$s not a t ne I "no%. (he piano is =oine# by an ele!tri! g i<tar. -hat is this. A man$s 'oi!e spea"s an# I !an = st ma"e o t the %or#s&something abo t not being frightene# of #ying. 3hristian pa#s leis rely to%ar# me& his bare feet slapping on the %oo#enfloor. I sense him behin# me as a %oman starts to sing . . . %ail . . . sing. 2Ro gh& yo say& Mrs. 0rey.4 he breathes in my left ear. 2Hmm.4 25o m st tell me to stop if it$s too m !h. If yo say stop& I %ill stop imme<#iately. Do yo n#erstan#.4 25es.4 2I nee# yo r promise.4 I inhale sharply. Shit& %hat is he going to #o. 2I promise&4 I m rm r breath<less& re!alling his %or#s from earlierL I #on$t %ant to h rt yo & b t I$m more thanhappy to play. 20oo# girl.4 @eaning #o%n& he plants a "iss on my na"e# sho l#er thenhoo"s a finger beneath my bra strap an# tra!es a line a!ross my ba!" beneath thestrap. I %ant to moan. Ho% #oes he ma"e the slightest to !h so eroti!. 2(a"e it off&4 he %hispers at my ear& an# h rrie#ly I oblige an# let my bra fallto the floor. His han#s s"im #o%n my ba!"& an# he hoo"s both of his th mbs into mypanties an# sli#es them #o%n my legs. 2Step&4 he or#ers. /n!e more I #o as I$m tol#& stepping o t of my panties. Heplants a "iss on my ba!"si#e an# stan#s. 2I am going to blin#fol# yo so that e'erything %ill be more intense.4 Heslips an airline eye mas" o'er my eyes& an# my %orl# is pl nge# into the #ar"<ness. (he %oman singing moans in!oherently . . . a ha nting& heartfelt melo#y. 2>en# #o%n an# lie flat on the table.4 His %or#s are softly spo"en. 21o%.4 -itho t hesitation& I ben# o'er the si#e of the table an# rest my torso on thehighly polishe# %oo#& my fa!e fl sh against the har# s rfa!e. It$s !ool against mys"in an# it smells 'ag ely of bees%a9 %ith a !itr s tang. 2Stret!h yo r arms p an# hol# on to the e#ge.4 /"ay . . . Rea!hing for%ar#& I !l t!h the far e#ge of the table. It$s B ite %i#e&so my arms are f lly e9ten#e#. 2If yo let go& I %ill span" yo . Do yo n#erstan#.4 ,,E. ,,7+55, 25es.4 2Do yo %ant me to span" yo & Anastasia.4 E'erything so th of my %aist tightens #eli!io sly. I reali)e I$'e %ante# thissin!e he threatene# me # ring l n!h& an# neither the !ar !hase nor o r s bseB entintimate en!o nter has sate# this nee#. 25es.4 My 'oi!e is a hoarse %hisper. 2-hy.4 /h . . . #o I ha'e to ha'e a reason. Dee). I shr g.

2(ell me&4 he !oa9es. 2?m . . .4 An# from o t of no%here he sma!"s me har#. 2Ah!4 I !ry o t. 2H sh no%.4 He gently r bs my behin# %here he$s hit me. (hen he leans o'er me& his hips#igging into my ba!"si#e& plants a "iss bet%een my sho l#er bla#es an# trails"isses a!ross my ba!". He$s ta"en his shirt off& so his !hest hair ti!"les my ba!"&an# his ere!tion presses against me thro gh the ro gh fabri! of his =eans. 2/pen yo r legs&4 he or#ers. I mo'e my legs apart. 2-i#er.4 I groan an# sprea# my legs %i#er. 20oo# girl&4 he breathes. He tra!es his finger #o%n my ba!"& along the !ra!"bet%een my b tto!"s& an# o'er my an s& %hi!h shrin"s at his to !h. 2-e$re going to ha'e %ith some f n %ith this&4 he %hispers. F !"! His finger !ontin es #o%n o'er my perine m an# slo%ly sli#es into me. 2I see yo $re 'ery %et& Anastasia. From earlier or from no%.4 I groan an# he eases his finger in an# o t of me& o'er an# o'er. I p sh ba!"on his han#& relishing the intr sion. 2/h& Ana& I thin" it$s both. I thin" yo lo'e being here& li"e this. Mine.4 I #o;oh& I #o. He %ith#ra%s his finger an# sma!"s me har# on!e more. 2(ell me&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e hoarse an# rgent. 25es& I #o&4 I %himper. ,,4. ,,:+55, He sma!"s me har# on!e more so I !ry o t& then sti!"s t%o fingers insi#e me.He %ith#ra%s them imme#iately& sprea#ing the moist re p o'er an# aro n# myan s. 2-hat are yo going to #o.4 I as"& breathless. /h my . . . is he going to f !"my ass. 2It$s not %hat yo thin"&4 he m rm rs reass ringly. 2I tol# yo & one step attime %ith this& baby.4 I hear the B iet sp rt of some liB i#& pres mably from at be& then his fingers are massaging me there again. @ bri!ating me . . . there! IsB irm as my fear !olli#es %ith my e9!itement of the n"no%n. He sma!"s meon!e more& lo%er& so he hits my se9. I groan. It feels . . . so goo#. 2Feep still&4 he says. 2An# #on$t let go.4 2Ah.4 2(his is l be.4 He sprea#s some more on me. I try not to %riggle beneathhim& b t my heart is po n#ing& my p lse hay%ire& as #esire an# an9iety p mpthro gh me. 2I ha'e %ante# to #o this to yo for some time no%& Ana.4 I groan. An# I feel something !ool& metalli!ally !ool& r n #o%n my spine. 2I ha'e a small present for yo here&4 3hristian %hispers. An image from o r sho%<an#<tell springs to min#. Holy !o%. A b tt pl g.3hristian r ns it #o%n the parting bet%een my b tto!"s. /h my. 2I am going to p sh this insi#e yo & 'ery slo%ly.4 I gasp& anti!ipation an# an9iety !harging thro gh me. 2-ill it h rt.4 21o& baby. It$s small. /n!e it$s insi#e yo & I$m going to f !" yo real har#.4 I pra!ti!ally !on' lse. >en#ing o'er me& he "isses me on!e more bet%een mysho l#er bla#es. 2Rea#y.4 he %hispers. Rea#y. Am I rea#y for this. 25es&4 I m tter B ietly& my mo th #ry. He r ns another finger #o%n past myass an# perine m an# slips it insi#e me. F !"& it$s his th mb. He ! ps my se9 an#his fingers gently !aress my !litoris. I moan . . . it feels . . . goo#. An# gently&%hile his fingers an# th mb %or" their magi!& he p shes the !ol# pl g slo%ly intome. ,,5. ,,*+55, 2Ah!4 I groan lo #ly at the nfamiliar sensation& my m s!les protesting at theintr sion. He !ir!les his th mb insi#e me an# p shes the pl g har#er& an# it slipsin easily& an# I #on$t "no% if it$s be!a se I$m so t rne# on or if he$s #istra!te# me%ith his e9pert fingers& b t my bo#y seems to a!!ept it. It$s hea'y . . . an#strange . . . there! 2/h& baby.4 An# I !an feel it

. . . %here his th mb s%irls insi#e me . . . an# the pl gpresses against . . . oh& ah . . . He slo%ly t%ists the pl g& eli!iting a long #ra%n<o tmoan from me. 23hristian&4 I m mble& his name a garble# mantra& as I a#= st to thesensation. 20oo# girl&4 he m rm rs. He r ns his free han# #o%n my si#e ntil it rea!hesmy hip. Slo%ly he %ith#ra%s his th mb& an# I hear the telltale so n# of his )ipperopening. 0rasping my other hip& he p lls me ba!" an# parts my legs f rther& hisfoot p shing against mine. 2Don$t let go of the table& Ana&4 he %arns. 21o&4 I gasp. 2Something ro gh. (ell me if I$m too ro gh. ?n#erstan#.4 25es&4 I %hisper& an# he slams into me an# p lls me onto him at the sametime& =olting the pl g for%ar#& #eeper . . . 2F !"!4 I !ry o t. He stills& his breathing harsher an# my panting mat!hes his. I try to assimilateall the sensationsL the #eli!io s f llness& the tantali)ing feeling that I am #oingsomething forbi##en& the eroti! pleas re that spirals o t%ar# from #eep %ithinme. He p lls gently on the pl g. /h =ee) . . . I moan& an# I hear his sharp inta"e of breath;a gasp of p re& na# lterate# pleas re. It heats my bloo#. Ha'e I e'er felt so %anton . . . so; 2Again.4 he %hispers. 25es.4 2Stay flat&4 he or#ers. He eases o t of me an# rams into me again. /h . . . I %ante# this. 25es&4 I hiss. An# he pi!"s p the pa!e& his breathing more labore#& mat!hing my o%n ashe thrashes into me. 2/h& Ana&4 he gasps. He mo'es one of his han#s from my hips an# t%ists thepl g again& t gging it slo%ly& p lling it o t an# p shing it ba!" in. (he feeling isin#es!ribable& an# I thin" I$m going to pass o t on the table. He ne'er misses a ,,7. ,,8+55,beat as he ta"es me& again an# again& mo'ing strong an# har# insi#e me& my in<si#es tightening an# B i'ering. 2/h f !"&4 I moan. (his is going to rip me apart. 25es& baby&4 he hisses. 26lease&4 I beg him an# I #on$t "no% %hat for;to stop& to ne'er stop& tot%ist the pl g again. My insi#es are tightening aro n# him an# the pl g. 2(hat$s right&4 he breathes& an# he slaps me har# on my right b tto!"& an# I!ome;again an# again& falling& falling& spinning& p lsing aro n# an#aro n#;an# 3hristian gently p lls the pl g o t. 2F !"!4 I s!ream an# 3hristian grabs my hips an# !lima9es lo #ly& hol#ingme still.(he %oman is still singing. 3hristian al%ays p ts songs on repeat in here. Strange.I am ! rle# in his arms on his lap o r legs tangle# together& %ith my hea# restingagainst his !hest. -e$re on the floor of the playroom by the table. 2-el!ome ba!"&4 he says& peeling the blin#fol# off me. I blin" as my eyesa#= st to the m te# light. (ipping my !hin ba!"& he plants a soft "iss on my lips&his eyes fo! se# on an# an9io sly sear!hing mine. I rea!h p to !aress his fa!e.He smiles. 2-ell& #i# I f lfill the brief.4 he as"s& am se#. I fro%n. 2>rief.4 25o %ante# ro gh&4 he says gently. I grin& be!a se I = st !an$t help it. 25es. I thin" yo #i# . . .4 He raises his eyebro%s an# grins ba!" at me. 2I$m 'ery gla# to hear it Mrs.0rey. 5o loo" thoro ghly %ell f !"e# an# bea tif l at this moment.4 He!aresses my fa!e& his long fingers stro"ing my !hee". 2I feel it&4 I p rr. He rea!hes #o%n an# "isses me ten#erly& his lips soft an# %arm an# gi'ingagainst mine. 25o ne'er #isappoint.4 He leans ba!" to ga)e #o%n at me. 2Ho%#o yo feel.4 His 'oi!e is soft %ith !on!ern. 20oo#&4 I m rm r& feeling a fl sh !reep a!ross my fa!e. 2(horo ghly %ellf !"e#.4 I smile shyly.

,,:. ,A0+55, 2-hy& Mrs. 0rey& yo ha'e a #irty& #irty mo th.4 3hristian feigns an offen<#e# e9pression& b t I !an hear his am sement. 2(hat$s be!a se I$m marrie# to a #irty& #irty boy& Mr. 0rey.4 He grins a ri#i! lo sly st pi# grin an# it$s infe!tio s. 2I$m gla# yo $re mar<rie# to him.4 He gently ta"es hol# of my brai#& lifts it to his lips& an# "isses theen# %ith re'eren!e& his eyes glo%ing %ith lo'e. /h my . . . #i# I e'er ha'e a!han!e of resisting this man. I rea!h for his left han# an# plant a "iss on his %e##ing ring& a plain platin mban# mat!hing my o%n. 2Mine&4 I %hisper. 25o rs&4 he respon#s. He ! rls his arms aro n# me an# presses his nose intomy hair. 2Shall I r n yo a bath.4 2Hmm. /nly if yo =oin me in it.4 2/"ay&4 he says. He sets me onto my feet an# stan#s p besi#e me. He$s still%earing his =eans. 2-ill yo %ear yo r . . . er . . . other =eans.4 He fro%ns #o%n at me. 2/ther =eans.4 2(he ones yo se# to %ear in here.4 2(hose =eans.4 he m rm rs blin"ing %ith perple9e# s rprise. 25o loo" 'ery hot in them.4 2Do I.4 25eah . . . I mean& really hot.4 He smiles& shyly. 2-ell for yo & Mrs. 0rey& maybe I %ill.4 He ben#s to "issme then grabs the small bo%l on the table that !ontains the b tt pl g& the t be ofl bri!ant& the blin#fol#& an# my panties. 2-ho !leans these toys.4 I as" as I follo% him o'er to the !hest. He fro%ns at me& as if not n#erstan#ing the B estion. 2Me. Mrs. Dones.4 2-hat.4 He no#s& am se# an# embarrasse#& I thin". He s%it!hes off the m si!.2-ell; m . . .4 25o r s bs se# to #o it.4 I finish his senten!e. He gi'es me an apologeti!shr g. 2Here.4 He han#s me his shirt an# I p t it on& %rapping it aro n# myself. Hiss!ent still !lings to the linen& an# my !hagrin abo t b tt pl g %ashing is forgotten.He lea'es the items on the !hest. (a"ing my han#& he nlo!"s the playroom #oorthen lea#s me o t an# #o%nstairs. I follo% him mee"ly. ,,*. ,A,+55, (he an9iety& the ba# moo#& the thrill& fear& an# e9!itement of the !ar !haseha'e all gone. I$m rela9e#;finally sate# an# !alm. As %e enter o r bathroom& Iya%n lo #ly an# stret!h . . . at ease %ith myself for a !hange. 2-hat is it.4 3hristian as"s as he t rns on the fa !et. I sha"e my hea#. 2(ell me&4 he as"s softly. He spills =asmine bath oil into the r nning %ater&filling the room %ith its s%eet& sens al s!ent. I fl sh. 2I = st feel better.4 He smiles. 25es& yo $'e been in a strange moo# to#ay& Mrs. 0rey.4 Stan#ing&he p lls me into his arms. 2I "no% yo $re %orrying abo t these re!ent e'ents. I$msorry yo $re !a ght p in them. I #on$t "no% if it$s a 'en#etta& an e9< employee& ora b siness ri'al. If anything %ere to happen to yo be!a se of me;4 His 'oi!e#rops to a paine# %hisper. I ! rl my arms aro n# him. 2-hat if something happens to yo & 3hristian.4 I 'oi!e my fear. He ga)es #o%n at me. 2-e$ll fig re this o t. 1o% let$s get yo o t of thisshirt an# into this bath.4 2Sho l#n$t yo tal" to Sa%yer.4 2He !an %ait.4 His mo th har#ens& an# I feel a s ##en pang of pity for Sa%<yer. -hat$s he #one to pset 3hristian. 3hristian helps me o t of his shirt then fro%ns as I t rn to him. My breastsstill bear fa#e# br ises from the lo'e bites he ga'e me # ring o r honeymoon& b tI #e!i#e not to tease him abo t them. 2I %on#er if Ryan has !a ght p %ith the Do#ge.4 2-e$ll see& after this bath. 0et in.4 He hol#s his han# o t for me. I !limb intothe hot& fragrant %ater an# sit tentati'ely. 2/%.4 My ass is ten#er& an# the hot %ater ma"es me %in!e. 2Easy& baby&4

3hristian %arns& b t as he says it& the n!omfortable sensationmelts a%ay. 3hristian strips an# !limbs in behin# me& p lling me against his !hest. I nestlebet%een his legs& an# %e lie i#le an# !ontent in the hot %ater. I r n my fingers#o%n his legs& an# gathering my brai# in one han#& he t%irls it gently bet%een hisfingers. 2-e nee# to go o'er the plans for the ne% ho se. @ater this e'ening.4 ,,8. ,AA+55, 2S re.4 (hat %oman is !oming ba!" again. My s b!ons!io s ga)es p from'ol me E of (he 3omplete -or"s of 3harles Di!"ens an# glo%ers. I$m %ith mys b!ons!io s. I sigh. ?nfort nately& 0ia Matteo$s #esigns are breathta"ing. 2I m st get my things rea#y for %or"&4 I %hisper. He stills. 25o "no% yo #on$t ha'e to go ba!" to %or"&4 he m rm rs. /h no . . . not this again. 23hristian& %e$'e been thro gh this. 6lease #on$t re< s rre!t that arg ment.4 He t gs my brai# so my fa!e tilts p an# ba!". 2D st saying . . .4 He plants asoft "iss on my lips.I p ll on s%eat pants an# a !amisole an# #e!i#e to fet!h my !lothes from the play<room. As I ma"e my %ay a!ross the hall%ay& I hear 3hristian$s raise# 'oi!e fromhis st #y. I free)e. 2-here the f !" %ere yo .4 /h shit. He$s sho ting at Sa%yer. 3ringing& I #ash pstairs to the playroom. Ireally #on$t %ant to hear %hat he has to say to him;I still fin# sho ty 3hristianintimi#ating. 6oor Sa%yer. At least I get to sho t ba!". I gather p my !lothes an# 3hristian$s shoes& then noti!e the small por!elainbo%l %ith the b tt pl g still on top of the m se m !hest. -ell . . . I s ppose Isho l# !lean it. I a## it to the pile an# ma"e my %ay ba!" #o%nstairs. I glan!ener'o sly thro gh the great room& b t all is B iet. (han" hea'ens. (aylor %ill be ba!" tomorro% e'ening& an# 3hristian is generally !almer%hen he$s aro n#. (aylor is spen#ing some B ality time to#ay an# tomorro% %ithhis #a ghter. I %on#er i#ly if I$ll e'er get to meet her. Mrs. Dones !omes o t of the tility room. -e startle ea!h other. 2Mrs. 0rey;I #i#n$t see yo there.4 /h& I$m Mrs. 0rey no%!2Hello& Mrs.Dones.4 2-el!ome home an# !ongrat lations.4 She smiles. 26lease !all me Ana.4 2Mrs. 0rey& I %o l#n$t feel !omfortable #oing that.4 /h! -hy m st e'erything !hange = st be!a se I ha'e a ring on my finger. 2-o l# yo li"e to r n thro gh the men s for the %ee".4 she as"s& loo"ing atme e9pe!tantly. ,A0. ,AE+55, Men s. 2?m . . .4 (his is not a B estion I ha'e e'er anti!ipate# being as"e#. She smiles. 2-hen I first %or"e# for Mr. 0rey& e'ery S n#ay e'ening I%o l# r n thro gh the men s for the p!oming %ee" %ith him an# list anythinghe might nee# from the gro!ery store.4 2I see.4 2Shall I ta"e those for yo .4 She hol#s o t her han#s for my !lothes. 2/h . . . m. A!t ally I ha'en$t finishe# %ith these.4 An# they are hi#ing thebo%l %ith the b tt pl g in! I t rn !rimson. It$s a %on#er I !an loo" Mrs. Dones inthe eye. She "no%s %hat %e #o;she !leans the room. Dee)& it$s = st %eir# ha'ingno pri'a!y. 2-hen yo $re rea#y& Mrs. 0rey. I$# be more than happy to r n thro ghthings %ith yo .4 2(han" yo .4 -e are interr pte# by an ashen<fa!e# Sa%yer %ho stal"s o t of3hristian$s st #y an# bris"ly !rosses the great room. He gi'es s both a brief no#&not loo"ing either of s in the eye& an# slin"s into (aylor$s st #y. I$m gratef l forhis inter'ention as I #on$t %ish to #is! ss men s or b tt pl gs %ith Mrs. Donesright no%. /ffering her a brief smile& I

s! rry ba!" to the be#room. -ill I e'er get se# to ha'ing #omesti! staff at my be!" an# !all. I sha"e my hea# . . . one #ay&maybe. I # mp 3hristian$s shoes on the floor an# my !lothes on the be#& an# ta"e thebo%l %ith the b tt pl g into the bathroom. I eye it s spi!io sly. It loo"s inno! <o s eno gh& an# s rprisingly !lean. I #on$t %ant to #%ell on that& an# I %ash itB i!"ly %ith soap an# %ater. -ill that be eno gh. I$ll ha'e to as" Mr. Se9pert ifit sho l# be sterili)e# or something. I sh ##er at the tho ght.I li"e that 3hristian has t rne# the library o'er to me. It no% ho ses an attra!ti'e%hite %oo#en #es" I !an %or" at. I ta"e o t my laptop an# !he!" my notes on thefi'e man s!ripts I rea# on honeymoon. 5ep& I ha'e e'erything I nee#. 6art of me #rea#s going ba!" to %or"& b t I!an ne'er tell 3hristian that. He$# sei)e on the opport nity to ma"e me B it. I re<member Roa!h$s apople!ti! rea!tion %hen I tol# him I %as getting marrie# an# to ,A,. ,A4+55,%hom& an# ho%& shortly after%ar#& my position %as !onfirme#. I reali)e no% it%as be!a se I %as marrying the boss. (he tho ght is n%el!ome. I am no longera!ting !ommissioning e#itor;I am Anastasia Steele& 3ommissioning E#itor. I ha'en$t yet pl !"e# p the !o rage to tell 3hristian that I am not going to!hange my name at %or". I thin" my reasons are soli#. I nee# some #istan!e fromhim& b t I "no% there %ill be a fight %hen he finally reali)es that. 6erhaps Isho l# #is! ss this %ith him tonight. Sitting ba!" in my !hair& I start my final !hore of the #ay. I glan!e at the #i< gital !lo!" on my laptop& %hi!h tells me it$s se'en in the e'ening. 3hristian stillhasn$t emerge# from his st #y& so I ha'e time. (a"ing the memory !ar# o t of the1i"on !amera& I loa# it into the laptop to transfer the photographs. As the pi!t res ploa#& I refle!t on the #ay. Is Ryan ba!". /r is he still on his %ay to 6ortlan#.Has he !a ght p %ith the mystery %oman. Has 3hristian hear# from him. I %antsome ans%ers. I #on$t !are that he$s b syH I %ant to "no% %hat$s going on& an# Is ##enly feel a ta# resentf l that he$s "eeping me in the #ar". I rise& inten#ing togo an# !onfront him in his st #y& b t as I #o the photos from the last fe% #ays ofo r honeymoon pop p ons!reen. Holy !rap! 6i!t re after pi!t re of me. Asleep& so many of me asleep& my hair o'er myfa!e or fanne# o t a!ross the pillo%& lips parte# . . . shit;s !"ing my th mb. Iha'en$t s !"e# my th mb for years! So many photos. I ha# no i#ea he$# ta"enthese. (here are a fe% !an#i# long shots& in!l #ing one of me leaning o'er the railof the ya!ht& staring moo#ily into the #istan!e. Ho% #i# I not noti!e him ta"ingthis. I smile at the photos of me ! rle# p beneath him an# la ghing;my hairflying as I str ggle& fighting his ti!"ling& tormenting fingers. An# there$s the oneof him an# me on the be# in the master !abin that he too" at arm$s length. I am! ##le# on his !hest an# he ga)es at the !amera& yo ng& %i#e<eye# . . . in lo'e.His other han# ! ps my hea#& an# I am smiling li"e a lo'e<str !" fool& b t I !an<not ta"e my eyes off 3hristian. /h& my bea tif l man& his r ffle# = st<f !"e# hair&his gray eyes glo%ing& his lips parte# an# smiling. My bea tif l man %ho !annotbear to be ti!"le#& %ho !o l# not bear to be to !he# = st a short %hile ago& yetno% he tolerates my to !h. I m st as" him if he li"es it& or %hether he lets meto !h him for my pleas re rather than his. I fro%n& ga)ing #o%n at his image& s ##enly

o'er%helme# by my feelings forhim. Someone o t there %ants to harm him ;first 3harlie (ango& then the fire at ,AA. ,A5+55,0EH& an# that #amne# !ar !hase. I gasp& p tting my han# to my mo th as an in<'ol ntary sob es!apes. Aban#oning my !omp ter& I leap p to fin# him;not to!onfront him no%;= st to !he!" that he$s safe. 1ot bothering to "no!"& I barge into his st #y. 3hristian is sitting at his #es"an# tal"ing on the phone. He loo"s p in s rprise# annoyan!e& b t the irritation onhis fa!e #isappears %hen he sees it$s me. 2So yo !an$t enhan!e it f rther.4 he says& !ontin ing his phone !on'ersa<tion& tho gh he #oesn$t ta"e his eyes off me. -itho t hesitation& I %al" aro n# his#es"& an# he t rns in his !hair to fa!e me& fro%ning. I !an tell he$s thin"ing %hat#oes she %ant. -hen I !ra%l onto his lap& his eyebro%s shoot p in s rprise. I p tmy arms aro n# his ne!" an# ! ##le into him. 0ingerly& he p ts his arm aro n#me. 2?m . . . yes& >arney. 3o l# yo hol# one moment.4 He ! ps the phoneagainst his sho l#er. 2Ana& %hat$s %rong.4 I sha"e my hea#. (ipping my !hin p& he ga)es into my eyes. I p ll my hea#free from his hol#& t !" it beneath his !hin& an# ! rl p smaller on his lap.>em se#& he %raps his free arm more tightly aro n# me an# "isses the top of myhea#. 2/"ay& >arney& %hat %ere yo saying.4 He !ontin es& %e#ging the phonebet%een his ear an# his sho l#er& an# taps a "ey on his laptop. A grainy bla!" an#%hite 33(C image appears on the s!reen. A man %ith #ar" hair %earing pale!o'eralls !omes on the s!reen. 3hristian presses another "ey& an# the man %al"sto%ar# the !amera& b t %ith his hea# bo%e#. -hen the man is !loser to the !am<era& 3hristian free)es the frame. He$s stan#ing in a bright %hite room %ith %hatloo"s li"e a long line of tall bla!" !abinets to his left. (his m st be 0EH$s ser'erroom. 2/"ay >arney& one more time.4 (he s!reen springs to life. A bo9 appears aro n# the hea# of the man in the33(C footage an# s ##enly %e )oom in. I sit p& fas!inate#. 2Is >arney #oing this.4 I as" B ietly. 25es&4 3hristian ans%ers. 23an yo sharpen the pi!t re at all.4 he says to>arney. (he pi!t re bl rs& then refo! ses mo#erately sharper of the man !ons!io slyga)ing #o%n an# a'oi#ing the 33(C !amera. As I stare at him& a !hill of ,AE. ,A7+55,re!ognition s%eeps p my spine. (here is something familiar in the line of his=a%. He has s!r ffy short bla!" hair that loo"s o## an# n"empt . . . an# in thene%ly sharpene# pi!t re& I see an earring& a small hoop. Holy !rap! I "no% %ho it is. 23hristian&4 I %hisper. 2(hat$s Da!" Hy#e.4 ,A4. 25o thin".4 3hristian as"s& s rprise#. 2It$s the line of his =a%.4 I point at the s!reen. 2An# the earrings an# theshape of his sho l#ers. He$s the right b il#& too. He m st be %earing a %ig;orhe$s ! t an# #ye# his hair.4 2>arney& are yo getting this.4 3hristian p ts the phone #o%n on his #es"an# s%it!hes to han#s<free. 25o seem to ha'e st #ie# yo r e9<boss in some #e<tail& Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs& so n#ing none too please#. I s!o%l at him& b t I$msa'e# by >arney.

,A5. ,A*+55, 25es& sir. I hear# Mrs. 0rey. I$m r nning fa!e re!ognition soft%are on all the#igiti)e# 33(C footage right no%. See %here else this asshole;I$m sorryma$am;this man has been %ithin the organi)ation.4 I glan!e an9io sly at 3hristian& %ho ignores >arney$s e9pleti'e. He$s st #y< ing the 33(C pi!t re !losely. 2-hy %o l# he #o this.4 I as" 3hristian. He shr gs. 2Re'enge& perhaps. I #on$t "no%. 5o !an$t fathom %hy somepeople beha'e the %ay they #o. I$m = st angry that yo e'er %or"e# so !losely%ith him.4 3hristian$s mo th presses into a har#& thin line an# he en!ir!les my%aist %ith his arm. 2-e ha'e the !ontents of his har# #ri'e& too& sir&4 >arney a##s. 25es& I remember. Do yo ha'e an a##ress for Mr. Hy#e.4 3hristian sayssharply. 25es& sir& I #o.4 2Alert -el!h.4 2S re %ill. I$m also going to s!an the !ity 33(C an# see if I !an tra!" hismo'ements.4 23he!" %hat 'ehi!le he o%ns.4 2Sir.4 2>arney !an #o all this.4 I %hisper. 3hristian no#s an# gi'es me a sm g smile. 2-hat %as on his har# #ri'e.4 I %hisper. 3hristian$s fa!e har#ens an# he sha"es his hea#. 21othing m !h&4 he says&tight<lippe#& his smile forgotten. 2(ell me.4 21o.4 2-as it abo t yo & or me.4 2Me.4 He sighs. 2-hat sort of things. Abo t yo r lifestyle.4 3hristian sha"es his hea# an# p ts his in#e9 finger against my lips to silen!eme. I s!o%l at him. > t he narro%s his eyes& an# it$s a !lear %arning that I sho l#hol# my tong e. 2It$s a A007 3amaro. I$ll sen# the li!ense #etails to -el!h& too&4 >arney sayse9!ite#ly from the phone. ,A7. ,A8+55, 20oo#. @et me "no% %here else that f !"er has been in my b il#ing. An#!he!" this image against the one from his SI6 personnel file.4 3hristian ga)es atme s"epti!ally. 2I %ant to be s re %e ha'e a mat!h.4 2Alrea#y #one& sir& an# Mrs. 0rey is !orre!t. (his is Da!" Hy#e.4 I grin. See. I !an be sef l. 3hristian r bs his han# #o%n my ba!". 2-ell #one& Mrs. 0rey.4 He smiles an# his earlier ran!or forgotten. (o >ar<ney he says& 2@et me "no% %hen yo $'e tra!"e# all his mo'ements at HO. Also!he!" o t any other 0EH property he may ha'e ha# a!!ess to& an# let the se! rityteams "no% so they !an ma"e another s%eep of all those b il#ings.4 2Sir.4 2(han"s& >arney.4 3hristian hangs p. 2-ell& Mrs. 0rey& it seems that yo are not only #e!orati'e& b t sef l& too.43hristian$s eyes light p %ith %i!"e# am sement. I "no% he$s teasing. 2De!orati'e.4 I s!off& teasing him ba!". 2Cery&4 he says B ietly& pressing a soft& s%eet "iss on my lips. 25o $re m !h more #e!orati'e than I am& Mr. 0rey.4 He grins an# "isses me more for!ef lly& %in#ing my brai# aro n# his %ristan# %rapping his arms aro n# me. -hen %e !ome p for air& my heart is ra!ing. 2H ngry.4 he as"s. 21o.4 2I am.4 2-hat for.4 2-ell;foo# a!t ally& Mrs. 0rey.4 2I$ll ma"e yo something.4 I giggle. 2I lo'e that so n#.4 2/f me offering yo foo#.4 25o giggling.4 He "isses my hair then I stan#. 2So %hat %o l# yo li"e to eat& Sir.4 I as" s%eetly. He narro%s his eyes. 2Are yo being ! te& Mrs. 0rey.4 2Al%ays& Mr. 0rey . . . Sir.4 He smiles a sphin9li"e smile. 2I !an still p t yo o'er my "nee&4 he m rm rsse# !ti'ely. 2I "no%.4 I grin. 6la!ing my han#s on the arms of his offi!e !hair& I lean#o%n an# "iss him. 2(hat$s one of the things I lo'e abo t yo . > t sto% yo rt%it!hing palm;yo $re h ngry.4

,A:. ,E0+55, He smiles his shy smile an# my heart !len!hes. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey& %hat am Igoing to #o %ith yo .4 25o $re going to ans%er my B estion. -hat %o l# yo li"e to eat.4 2Something light. S rprise me&4 he says& mirroring my %or#s from the play<room earlier. 2I$ll see %hat I !an #o.4 I sashay o t of his st #y an# into the "it!hen. Myheart sin"s %hen I see Mrs. Dones is there. 2Hello& Mrs. Dones.4 2Mrs. 0rey. Are yo rea#y for something to eat.4 2?m . . .4 She is stirring something in a pot on the sto'e that smells #eli!io s. 2I %as going to ma"e s bs for Mr. 0rey an# me.4 She pa ses for a heartbeat. 2S re&4 she says. 2Mr. 0rey li"es Fren!hbrea#;there is some in the free)er ! t to s b length. I$# be happy to ma"e it foryo & ma$am.4 2I "no%. > t I$# li"e to #o this.4 2I n#erstan#. I$ll gi'e yo some room.4 2-hat are yo !oo"ing.4 2(his is a bolognaise sa !e. It !an be eaten anytime. I$ll free)e it.4 She smiles%armly an# t rns the heat right #o%n. 2?m;so %hat #oes 3hristian li"e in a& m . . . s b.4 I fro%n& str !" by %hatI$'e = st sai#. Does Mrs. Dones n#erstan# the inferen!e. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo !o l# p t = st abo t anything in a san#%i!h& an# as long asit$s on Fren!h brea#& he$ll eat it.4 -e grin at ea!h other. 2/"ay& than" yo .4 I s"ip to the free)er an# fin# the Fren!h brea# ! t to si)ein Kiplo!" bags. I pla!e t%o of them on a plate& pop them into the mi!ro%a'e& an#set it to #efrost. Mrs. Dones has #isappeare#. I fro%n as I ret rn to the fri#ge to sear!h for in< gre#ients. I s ppose it %ill be p to me to set the parameters by %hi!h Mrs. Donesan# I %ill %or" together. I li"e the i#ea of !oo"ing for 3hristian on the %ee"en#s.Mrs. Dones is more than %el!ome to #o it # ring the %ee";the last thing I$ll %antto #o %hen I !ome home from %or" is !oo". Hmm . . . a bit li"e 3hristian$sro tine %ith his s bmissi'es. I sha"e my hea#. I m stn$t o'erthin" this. I fin#some ham in the fri#ge& an# in the !risper a perfe!tly ripe a'o!a#o. ,A*. ,E,+55, As I am a##ing a to !h of salt an# lemon to the mashe# a'o!a#o& 3hristianemerges from his st #y %ith the plans for the ne% ho se in his han#s. He p tsthem on the brea"fast bar& sa nters to%ar# me& an# %raps his arms aro n# me&"issing my ne!". 2>arefoot an# in the "it!hen&4 he m rm rs. 2Sho l#n$t that be barefoot an# pregnant in the "it!hen.4 I smir". He stills& his %hole bo#y tensing against me. 21ot yet&4 he #e!lares& appre< hension !lear in his 'oi!e. 21o! 1ot yet!4 He rela9es. 2/n that %e !an agree& Mrs. 0rey.4 25o #o %ant "i#s tho gh& #on$t yo .4 2S re& yes. E'ent ally. > t I$m not rea#y to share yo yet.4 He "isses myne!" again. /h . . . share. 2-hat are yo ma"ing. @oo"s goo#.4 He "isses me behin# my ear& an# I"no% it$s to #istra!t me. A #eli!io s tingle tra'els #o%n my spine. 2S bs.4 I smir"& re!o'ering my sense of h mor. He smiles against my ne!" an# nips my earlobe. 2My fa'orite.4 I po"e him %ith my elbo%. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo %o n# me.4 He !l t!hes his si#e as if in pain. 2-imp&4 I m tter #isappro'ingly. 2-imp.4 he tters in #isbelief. He slaps my behin#& ma"ing me yelp. 2H rry p %ith my foo#& %en!h. An# later I$ll sho% yo ho% %impy I !an be.4 He slapsme playf lly on!e more an# goes to the fri#ge. 2-o l# yo li"e a glass of %ine.4 he as"s. 26lease.43hristian sprea#s 0ia$s plans o t o'er the brea"fast bar. She really has some spe!<ta! lar i#eas. 2I lo'e her proposal to ma"e the entire #o%nstairs ba!" %all glass& b t . . .4 2> t.4

3hristian prompts. I sigh. 2I #on$t %ant to ta"e all the !hara!ter o t of the ho se.4 23hara!ter.4 ,A8. ,EA+55, 25es. -hat 0ia is proposing is B ite ra#i!al& b t . . . %ell . . . I fell in lo'e%ith the ho se as it is . . . %arts an# all.4 3hristian$s bro% f rro%s as if this is anathema to him. 2I "in# of li"e it the %ay it is&4 I %hisper. Is this going to ma"e him ma#. He regar#s me stea#ily. 2I %ant this ho se to be the %ay yo %ant. -hate'eryo %ant. It$s yo rs.4 2I %ant yo to li"e it& too. (o be happy in it& too.4 2I$ll be happy %here'er yo are. It$s that simple& Ana.4 His ga)e hol#s mine.He is tterly& tterly sin!ere. I blin" at him as my heart e9pan#s. Holy !o%& hereally #oes lo'e me. 2-ell4;I s%allo%& fighting the small "not of emotion that !at!hes in mythroat;2I li"e the glass %all. Maybe %e !o l# as" her to in!orporate it into theho se a little more sympatheti!ally.4 3hristian grins. 2S re. -hate'er yo %ant. -hat abo t the plans for pstairsan# the basement.4 2I$m !ool %ith those.4 20oo#.4 /"ay . . . I steel myself to as" the million<#ollar B estion. 2Do yo %ant top t in a playroom.4 I feel the oh<so<familiar fl sh !reep p my fa!e as I as".3hristian$s eyebro%s shoot p. 2Do yo .4 he replies& s rprise# an# am se# at on!e. I shr g. 2?m . . . if yo %ant.4 He regar#s me for a moment. 2@et$s lea'e o r options open for the moment.After all& this %ill be a family home.4 I$m s rprise# by the stab of #isappointment I feel. I g ess he$s right . . . al<tho gh %hen are %e going to ha'e a family. It !o l# be years. 2>esi#es& %e !an impro'ise.4 He smir"s. 2I li"e impro'ising&4 I %hisper. He grins. 2(here$s something I %ant to #is! ss.4 3hristian points to the mas<ter be#room& an# %e start a #etaile# #is! ssion on bathrooms an# separate %al"< in!losets.-hen %e finish& it$s nine thirty in the e'ening. ,E0. ,EE+55, 2Are yo going ba!" to %or".4 I as" as 3hristian rolls p the plans. 21ot if yo #on$t %ant me to.4 He smiles. 2-hat %o l# yo li"e to #o.4 2-e !o l# %at!h (C.4 I #on$t %ant to rea#& an# I #on$t %ant to go to be# . . .yet. 2/"ay&4 3hristian agrees %illingly& an# I follo% him into the (C room. -e ha'e sat here three& maybe fo r times total& an# 3hristian s ally rea#s aboo". He$s not intereste# in tele'ision at all. I ! rl p besi#e him on the !o !h&t !"ing my legs beneath me an# resting my hea# against his sho l#er. Hes%it!hes on the flat<s!reen tele'ision %ith the remote an# fli!"s min#lesslythro gh the !hannels. 2Any spe!ifi! #ri'el yo %ant to see.4 25o #on$t li"e (C m !h& #o yo .4 I m tter sar#oni!ally. He sha"es his hea#. 2-aste of time. > t I$ll %at!h something %ith yo .4 2I tho ght %e !o l# ma"e o t.4 He %hips his fa!e to mine. 2Ma"e o t.4 He ga)es at me as if I$'e gro%n t%ohea#s. He stops the en#less fli!"ing& lea'ing the (C on an o'er lit Spanish soapopera. 25es.4 -hy is he so horrifie#. 2-e !o l# go to be# an# ma"e o t.4 2-e #o that all the time. -hen %as the last time yo ma#e o t in front of the(C.4 I as"& shy an# teasing at the same time. He shr gs an# sha"es his hea#. 6ressing the remote again& he fli!"s thro ghanother fe% !hannels before settling on an ol# episo#e of (he P<Files. 23hristian.4 2I$'e ne'er #one that&4 he says B ietly. 21e'er.4 21o.4 21ot e'en %ith Mrs. Robinson.4 He snorts. 2>aby& I #i# a lot of things %ith Mrs. Robinson. Ma"ing o t %asnot one of them.4 He smir"s at me an# then narro%s his eyes

%ith am se# ! rios<ity. 2Ha'e yo .4 I fl sh. 2/f !o rse.4 -ell "in# of . . . 2-hat! -ho %ith.4 /h no. I #o not %ant to ha'e this #is! ssion. 2(ell me&4 he persists. ,E,. ,E4+55, I ga)e #o%n at my "notte# fingers. He gently !o'ers my han#s %ith one ofhis. -hen I glan!e p at him& he$s smiling at me. 2I %ant to "no%. So I !an beat %hoe'er it %as to a p lp.4 I giggle. 2-ell& the first time . . .4 2(he first time! (here$s more than one f !"er.4 He gro%ls. I giggle again. 2-hy so s rprise#& Mr. 0rey.4 He fro%ns briefly& r ns a han# thro gh his hair& an# loo"s at me as if seeingme in a !ompletely #ifferent light. He shr gs. 2I = st am. I mean;gi'en yo r la!"of e9perien!e.4 I fl sh. 2I$'e !ertainly ma#e p for that sin!e I met yo .4 25o ha'e.4 He grins. 2(ell me. I %ant to "no%.4 I ga)e into patient gray eyes& trying to ga ge his moo#. Is this going to ma"ehim ma#& or #oes he gen inely %ant to "no%. I #on$t %ant him s l"ing . . . he$simpossible %hen he$s s l"ing. 25o really %ant me to tell yo .4 He no#s slo%ly on!e& an# his lips t%it!h %ith an am se#& arrogant smile. 2I %as briefly in Cegas %ith Mom an# H sban# 1 mber (hree. I %as intenth gra#e. His name %as >ra#ley& an# he %as my lab partner in physi!s.4 2Ho% ol# %ere yo .4 2Fifteen.4 2An# %hat$s he #oing no%.4 2I #on$t "no%.4 2-hat base #i# he get to.4 23hristian!4 I s!ol#;an# s ##enly he grabs my "nees& then my an"les& an#tips me p so I fall ba!" on to the !o !h. He sli#es smoothly on top of me& trap<ping me beneath him& one leg bet%een mine. It$s so s ##en that I !ry o t in s r<prise. He grabs my han#s an# raises them abo'e my hea#. 2So& this >ra#ley;#i# he get to first base.4 he m rm rs& r nning his nose#o%n the length of mine. He plants soft "isses at the !orner of my mo th. 25es&4 I m rm r against his lips. He releases one of his han#s so that he !an!lasp my !hin an# hol# me still %hile his tong e in'a#es my mo th& an# I s r<ren#er to his ar#ent "issing. 2@i"e this.4 3hristian breathes %hen he !omes p for air. 21o . . . nothing li"e that&4 I manage as all the bloo# in my bo#y hea#s so th. ,EA. ,E5+55, Releasing my !hin& he r ns his han# #o%n o'er my bo#y an# ba!" p to mybreast. 2Di# he #o this. (o !h yo li"e this.4 His th mb s"ims o'er my nipple&thro gh my !amisole& softly& repeate#ly& an# it har#ens n#er his e9pert to !h. 21o.4 I %rithe beneath him. 2Di# he get to se!on# base.4 he m rm rs in my ear. His han# mo'es #o%na!ross my ribs& past my %aist to my hip. He ta"es my earlobe bet%een his teethan# gently t gs. 21o&4 I breathe. M l#er bl rts from the tele'ision something abo t the F>I$s most n%ante#. 3hristian pa ses& leans p& an# presses m te on the remote. He ga)es #o%n atme. 2-hat abo t Doe S!hmo n mber t%o. Di# he ma"e it past se!on# base.4 His eyes are smol#ering hot . . . angry. ( rne# on. It$s #iffi! lt to say %hi!h.He shifts to my si#e an# sli#es his han# beneath my s%eatpants. 21o&4 I %hisper& trappe# in his !arnal ga)e. 3hristian smiles %i!"e#ly. 20oo#.4 His han# ! ps my se9. 21o n#er%ear& Mrs. 0rey. I appro'e.4 He"isses me again as his fingers %ea'e more magi!& his th mb s"imming o'er my!litoris& tantali)ing me& as he p shes his in#e9 finger insi#e me %ith e9B isiteslo%ness. 2-e$re s ppose# to be ma"ing o t.4 I groan. 3hristian stills. 2I tho ght %e %ere.4 21o. 1o se9.4 2-hat.4 21o

se9 . . .4 21o se9& h h.4 He %ith#ra%s his han# from my s%eatpants. 2Here.4 Hetra!es my lips %ith his in#e9 finger& an# I taste my sli!" saltiness. He p shes hisfinger into my mo th& mirroring %hat he %as #oing a moment earlier. (hen shiftsso he$s bet%een my legs& an# his ere!tion p shes against me. He thr sts& on!e&t%i!e& an# again. I gasp as the material of my s%eatpants r bs in = st the right%ay. He p shes on!e more& grin#ing into me. 2(his %hat yo %ant.4 he m rm rs an# mo'es his hips rhythmi!ally& ro!"ingagainst me. 25es.4 I moan. ,EE. ,E7+55, His han# mo'es ba!" to !on!entrate on my nipple on!e more an# his teeths!rape along my =a%. 2Do yo "no% ho% hot yo are& Ana.4 His 'oi!e is hoarseas he ro!"s har#er against me. I open my mo th to arti! late a response an# failmiserably& groaning lo #ly. He !apt res my mo th on!e more& t gging at my bot<tom lip %ith his teeth before pl nging his tong e into my mo th again. He re<leases my other %rist an# my han#s tra'el gree#ily p his sho l#ers an# into hishair as he "isses me. -hen I p ll on his hair& he groans an# raises his eyes tomine. 2Ah . . .4 2Do yo li"e me to !hing yo .4 I %hisper. His bro% f rro%s briefly as if he #oesn$t n#erstan# the B estion. He stopsgrin#ing against me. 2/f !o rse I #o. I lo'e yo to !hing me& Ana. I$m li"e astar'ing man at a banB et %hen it !omes to yo r to !h.4 His 'oi!e h ms %ith pas<sionate sin!erity. Holy !o% . . . He "neels bet%een my legs an# #rags me p to ha l off my top. I$m na"e#beneath. 0rabbing the hem of his shirt& he yan"s it o'er his hea# an# tosses it onthe floor& then p lls me onto his "neeling lap& his arms !laspe# = st abo'e mybehin#. 2(o !h me&4 he breathes. /h my . . . (entati'ely I rea!h p an# br sh the tips of my fingers thro gh thesmattering of !hest hair o'er his stern m& o'er his b rn s!ars. He inhales sharplyan# his p pils #ilate& b t it$s not %ith fear. It$s a sens al response to my to !h. He%at!hes me intently as my fingers float #eli!ately o'er his s"in& first to one nipplean# then the other. (hey p !"er beneath my !aress. @eaning for%ar#& I plant soft"isses on his !hest& an# my han#s mo'e to his sho l#ers& feeling the har#& s! lp<t re# lines of sine% an# m s!le. Dee) . . . he$s in goo# shape. 2I %ant yo &4 he m rm rs an# it$s a green light to my libi#o. My fingersmo'e into his hair& p lling his hea# ba!" so I !an !laim his mo th& fire li!"ing hotan# high in my belly. He groans an# p shes me ba!" onto the !o !h. He sits pan# rips off my s%eatpants& n#oing his fly at the same time. 2Home r n&4 he %hispers& an# s%iftly he fills me. 2Ah . . .4 I groan an# he stills& grabbing my fa!e bet%een his han#s. ,E4. ,E:+55, 2I lo'e yo & Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs an# 'ery slo%ly& 'ery gently& he ma"eslo'e to me ntil I !ome apart at the seams& !alling his name an# %rapping myselfaro n# him& ne'er %anting to let him go.I lay spra%le# on his !hest. -e$re on the floor of the (C room. 25o "no%& %e !ompletely bypasse# thir# base.4 My fingers tra!e the line ofhis pe!toral m s!les. He la ghs. 21e9t time& Mrs. 0rey.4 He "isses the top of my hea#. I loo" p to stare at the tele'ision s!reen %here the en# !re#its for (he P<Files play. 3hristian rea!hes for the remote an# s%it!hes the so n# ba!" on. 25o li"e# that sho%.4 I as". 2-hen I %as a "i#.4 /h . . . 3hristian as a "i# . . .

"i!"bo9ing an# P Files an# no to !hing. 25o .4 he as"s. 2>efore my time.4 25o $re so yo ng.4 3hristian smiles fon#ly. 2I li"e ma"ing o t %ith yo &Mrs. 0rey.4 2@i"e%ise& Mr. 0rey.4 I "iss his !hest& an# %e lie silently %at!hing as (he P<Files finish an# the !ommer!ials !ome on. 2It$s been a hea'enly three %ee"s. 3ar !hases an# fires an# psy!ho e9<bossesnot%ithstan#ing. @i"e being in o r o%n pri'ate b bble&4 I m tter #reamily. 2Hmm&4 3hristian h ms #eep in his throat. 2I$m not s re I$m rea#y to shareyo %ith the rest of the %orl# yet.4 2>a!" to reality tomorro%&4 I m rm r& trying to "eep the melan!holy frommy 'oi!e. 3hristian sighs an# r ns his other han# thro gh his hair. 2Se! rity %ill betight;4 I p t my finger o'er his lips. I #on$t %ant to hear this le!t re again. 2I "no%. I$ll be goo#. I promise.4 -hi!h remin#s me . . . I shift& proppingmyself p on my elbo%s to see him better. 2-hy %ere yo sho ting at Sa%yer.4 He stiffens imme#iately. /h shit. 2>e!a se %e %ere follo%e#.4 2(hat %asn$t Sa%yer$s fa lt.4 ,E5. ,E*+55, He ga)es at me le'elly. 2(hey sho l# ne'er ha'e let yo get so far in front.(hey "no% that.4 I bl sh g iltily an# res me my position& resting on his !hest. It %as my fa lt.I %ante# to get a%ay from them. 2(hat %asn$t ;4 2Eno gh!4 3hristian is s ##enly ! rt. 2(his is not p for #is! ssion& Anastas<ia. It$s a fa!t& an# they %on$t let it happen again.4 Anastasia! I am Anastasia %hen I am in tro ble = st li"e at home %ith mymother. 2/"ay&4 I m tter& pla!ating him. I #on$t %ant to fight. 2Di# Ryan !at!h p%ith the %oman in the Do#ge.4 21o. An# I$m not !on'in!e# it %as a %oman.4 2/h.4 I loo" p again. 2Sa%yer sa% someone %ith their hair tie# ba!"& b t it %as a brief loo". He as<s me# it %as a %oman. 1o%& gi'en that yo $'e i#entifie# that f !"er& maybe it%as him. He %ore his hair li"e that.4 (he #isg st in 3hristian$s 'oi!e is palpable. I #on$t "no% %hat to ma"e of this ne%s. 3hristian r ns his han# #o%n my na<"e# ba!"& #istra!ting me. 2If anything happene# to yo . . . &4 he m rm rs& his eyes %i#e an# serio s. 2I "no%&4 I %hisper. 2I feel the same abo t yo .4 I shi'er at the tho ght. 23ome. 5o $re getting !ol#&4 he says& sitting p. 2@et$s go to be#. -e !an!o'er thir# base there.4 He smiles a las!i'io s smile& as mer! rial as e'er& pas<sionate& angry& an9io s& se9y;my Fifty Sha#es. I ta"e his han# an# he p lls meto my feet& an# %itho t a stit!h on& I follo% him thro gh the great room to thebe#room.(he follo%ing morning& 3hristian sB ee)es my han# as %e p ll p o tsi#e SI6.He loo"s 'ery m !h the po%erf l e9e! ti'e in his #ar" na'y s it an# mat!hing tie&an# I smile. He$s not been this smart sin!e the ballet in Mona!o. 25o "no% yo #on$t ha'e to #o this.4 3hristian m rm rs. I am tempte# toroll my eyes at him. 2I "no%&4 I %hisper& not %anting Sa%yer an# Ryan to o'erhear me from thefront of the A #i. He fro%ns an# I smile. ,E7. ,E8+55, 2> t I %ant to&4 I !ontin e. 25o "no% this.4 I lean p an# "iss him. Hisfro%n #oesn$t #isappear. 2-hat$s %rong.4He glan!es n!ertainly at Ryan asSa%yer !limbs o t of the !ar. 2I$ll miss ha'ing yo to myself.4 I rea!h p to !aress his fa!e. 2Me& too.4 I "iss him. 2It %as a %on#erf l hon< eymoon. (han" yo .4 20o to %or"& Mrs. 0rey.4 25o & too& Mr. 0rey.4 Sa%yer opens the #oor. I sB ee)e 3hristian$s han# on!e more before I !limbo t onto the si#e%al". As I hea# into the b il#ing& I gi'e him a little

%a'e. Sa%yerhol#s open the #oor an# follo%s me in. 2Hi& Ana.4 3laire smiles from behin# the re!eption #es". 23laire& hello.4 I smile ba!". 25o loo" %on#erf l. 0oo# honeymoon.4 2(he best& than" yo . Ho%$s it been here.4 2/l# man Roa!h is the same& b t se! rity has been steppe# p an# o r ser'erroom is being o'erha le#. > t Hannah %ill tell yo .4 S re she %ill. I gi'e 3laire a frien#ly smile an# hea# to my offi!e. Hannah is my assistant. She is tall& slim& an# r thlessly effi!ient to the pointthat sometimes I fin# her a little intimi#ating. > t she$s s%eet to me& in spite ofthe fa!t that she$s a !o ple of years ol#er. She has my latte %aiting;the only !of<fee I let her get for me. 2Hi& Hannah&4 I say %armly. 2Ana& ho% %as yo r honeymoon.4 2Fantasti!. Here;for yo .4 I pop the small bottle of perf me I bo ght for heronto her #es"& an# she !laps her han#s %ith glee. 2/h& than" yo !4 she says enth siasti!ally. 25o r rgent !orrespon#en!e ison yo r #es"& an# Roa!h %o l# li"e to see yo at ten. (hat$s all I ha'e to reportfor no%.4 20oo#. (han" yo . An# than"s for the !offee.4 -an#ering into my offi!e& Irest my brief!ase on my #es" an# ga)e at the pile# p letters. Dee)& I ha'e a lot to#o.D st before ten there$s a timi# tap on my #oor. ,E:. ,40+55, 23ome in.4 Eli)abeth loo"s aro n# the #oor. 2Hi& Ana. I = st %ante# to say %el!omeba!".4 2Hey. I ha'e to say& rea#ing thro gh all this !orrespon#en!e& I %ish I %asba!" in the So th of Fran!e.4 Eli)abeth la ghs& b t her la ghter is off& for!e#& an# I !o!" my hea# to onesi#e an# ga)e at her li"e 3hristian #oes to me. 20la# yo $re ba!" safely&4 she says. 2I$ll see yo in a fe% min tes at themeeting %ith Roa!h.4 2/"ay&4 I m rm r& an# she sh ts the #oor behin# her. I fro%n at the !lose##oor. -hat %as that abo t. I shr g it off. My e<mail pings;it$s a message from3hristian.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Errant -i'esDateL A g st AA& A0,, 08L57(oL Anastasia Steele-ifeI sent the e<mail belo% an# it bo n!e#.An# it$s be!a se yo ha'en$t !hange# yo r name.Something yo %ant to tell me.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.Atta!hmentLFromL 3hristian 0reyF- S b=e!tL > bbleDateL A g st AA& A0,, 08LEA(oL Anastasia 0rey ,E*. ,4,+55,Mrs. 0rey@o'e !o'ering all the bases %ith yo .Ha'e a great first #ay ba!".Miss o r b bble alrea#y.93hristian 0rey>a!" in the Real -orl# 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. Shit. I hit reply imme#iately.FromL Anastasia SteeleS b=e!tL Don$t > rst the > bbleDateL A g st AA& A0,, 08L5*(oL 3hristian 0reyH sban#I am all for a baseball metaphor %ith yo & Mr. 0rey.I %ant to "eep my name here.I$ll e9plain this e'ening.I am going in to a meeting no%.Miss o r b bble& too . . .6SL (ho ght I ha# to se my >la!">erry.Anastasia Steele3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 (his is going to be s !h a fight. I !an feel it. Sighing& I gather p my papersfor the meeting.(he meeting lasts for t%o ho rs. All the !ommissioning e#itors are there& pl sRoa!h an# Eli)abeth. -e #is! ss personnel& strategy& mar"eting& se! rity& an#year<en#. As the meeting progresses& I gro% more an# more n!omfortable.(here$s a s btle !hange in ho% my !olleag es are treating me ;a #istan!e an#

,E8. ,4A+55,#eferen!e that %asn$t there before I left for my honeymoon. An# from 3o rtney&%ho hea#s p the non<fi!tion #i'ision& there$s #o%nright hostility. Maybe I$m = stbeing paranoi# b t it goes some %ay to e9plaining Eli)abeth$s o## greeting thismorning. My min# #rifts ba!" to the ya!ht& then to the playroom& then to the R* spee#<ing a%ay from the mystery Do#ge on I< 5. 6erhaps 3hristian$s right . . . perhaps I!an$t #o this anymore. (he tho ght is #epressing;this is all I$'e e'er %ante# to#o. If I !an$t #o this& %hat %ill I #o. As I %al" ba!" to my offi!e& I try to #ismissthese #ar" tho ghts. -hen I sit #o%n at my #es"& I B i!"ly !he!" my e<mails. 1othing from3hristian. I !he!" my >la!">erry . . . Still nothing. 0oo#. At least there$s been noa#'erse rea!tion to my e<mail. 6erhaps %e$ll #is! ss this tonight as per my re<B est. I fin# that har# to belie'e& b t ignoring my neasy feeling& I open the mar< "eting plan I %as gi'en at the meeting.As is o r rit al on a Mon#ay& Hannah !omes into my offi!e %ith a plate for mypa!"e# l n!h !o rtesy of Mrs. Dones& an# %e sit an# eat o r l n!hes together& #is<! ssing %hat %e %ant to a!hie'e # ring the %ee". She brings me p to #ate %iththe offi!e gossip& too& %hi!h ;!onsi#ering I$'e been a%ay for three %ee"s;ispretty thin on the gro n#. As %e$re !hatting& there$s a "no!" on the #oor. 23ome in.4 Roa!h opens the #oor& an# stan#ing besi#e him is 3hristian. I$m momentarilystr !" # mb. 3hristian shoots me a bla)ing loo" an# stal"s in& before smiling po<litely at Hannah. 2Hello& yo m st be Hannah. I$m 3hristian 0rey&4 he says. Hannahs!rambles to her feet an# hol#s o t her han#. 2Mr. 0rey. H<ho% ni!e to meet yo &4 she st tters as they sha"e han#s. 23an Ifet!h yo a !offee.4 26lease&4 he says %armly. -ith a B i!" p ))le# glan!e at me& she s! ttles o tof the offi!e past Roa!h& %ho stan#s as # mbstr !" as me on the threshol# of myoffi!e. 2If yo $ll e9! se me& Roa!h& I$# li"e a %or# %ith Ms. Steele.4 3hristianhisses the S sibilantly . . . sar!asti!ally. ,40. ,4E+55, (his is %hy he$s here . . . /h shit. 2/f !o rse& Mr. 0rey. Ana&4 Roa!h m tters& sh tting the #oor to my offi!e ashe #eparts. I re!o'er my po%er of spee!h. 2Mr. 0rey& ho% ni!e to see yo .4 I smile& far too s%eetly. 2Ms. Steele& may I sit #o%n.4 2It$s yo r !ompany.4 I %a'e at the !hair Hannah 'a!ate#. 25es& it is.4 He smiles %olfishly at me& the smile not rea!hing his eyes. Histone is !lippe#. He$s bristling %ith tension;I !an feel it all aro n# me. F !". Myheart sin"s. 25o r offi!e is 'ery small&4 he says as he sits #o%n fa!ing my #es". 2It s its me.4 He regar#s me ne trally& b t I "no% he$s ma#. I ta"e a #eep breath. (his isnot going to be f n. 2So %hat !an I #o for yo & 3hristian.4 2I$m = st loo"ing o'er my assets.4 25o r assets. All of them.4 2All of them. Some of them nee# rebran#ing.4 2Rebran#ing. In %hat %ay.4 2I thin" yo "no%.4 His 'oi!e is mena!ingly B iet. 26lease; #on$t tell me yo ha'e interr pte# yo r #ay after three %ee"s a%ayto !ome o'er here an# fight %ith me abo t my name.4 I am not a frea"ing asset! He shifts an# !rosses his legs. 21ot e9a!tly fight. 1o.4 23hristian& I$m %or"ing.4 2@oo"e# li"e yo %ere gossiping %ith yo r assistant to me.4 My !hee"s heat. 2-e %ere going thro gh o r s!he# les&4 I snap. 2An# yo ha'en$t ans%ere# my B estion.4 (here$s a "no!" on the #oor. 23ome in!4 I sho t& too lo #ly. Hannah opens the #oor an# brings in a small tray. Mil" = g& s gar bo%l& !of< fee in a Fren!h press;she$s gone all o t. She pla!es the tray on my #es".

2(han" yo & Hannah&4 I m tter& embarrasse# that I ha'e = st sho te# solo #ly. 2Do yo nee# anything else& Mr. 0rey.4 she as"s all breathless. I %ant to rollmy eyes at her. 21o& than" yo . (hat$s all.4 He smiles his #a))ling& panty<#ropping smile ather. She fl shes an# e9its simpering. 3hristian t rns his attention ba!" to me. ,4,. ,44+55, 21o%& Ms. Steele& %here %ere %e.4 25o %ere r #ely interr pting my %or" #ay to fight %ith me abo t myname.4 3hristian blin"s on!e;s rprise#& I thin"& by the 'ehemen!e in my 'oi!e.Deftly& he pi!"s at an in'isible pie!e of lint on his "nee %ith long s"ille# fingers.It$s #istra!ting. He$s #oing it on p rpose. I narro% my eyes at him. 2I li"e to ma"e the o## imprompt 'isit. It "eeps management on their toes&%i'es in their pla!e. 5o "no%.4 He shr gs& his mo th set in an arrogant line. -i'es in their pla!e! 2I ha# no i#ea yo !o l# spare the time&4 I snap. His eyes frost. 2-hy #on$t yo %ant to !hange yo r name here.4 he as"s& his'oi!e #eathly B iet. 23hristian& #o %e ha'e to #is! ss this no%.4 2I$m here. I #on$t see %hy not.4 2I ha'e a ton of %or" to #o& ha'ing been a%ay for the last three %ee"s.4 He ga)es at me& his eyes !ool an# assessing;#istant e'en. I mar'el that he!an appear so !ol# after last night& after the last three %ee"s. Shit. He m st be soma#; really ma#. -hen %ill he learn not to o'errea!t. 2Are yo ashame# of me.4 he as"s& his 'oi!e #e!epti'ely soft. 21o! 3hristian& of !o rse not.4 I s!o%l at him. 2(his is abo t me;not yo .4Dee)& he$s e9asperating sometimes. Silly o'erbearing megalomania!. 2Ho% is this not abo t me.4 He !o!"s his hea# to one si#e& gen inely per<ple9e#& some of his #eta!hment slipping as he stares at me %ith %i#e eyes& an# Ireali)e that he$s h rt. Holy f !". I$'e h rt his feelings. /h no . . . he$s the last per<son I %ant to h rt. I ha'e to ma"e him see my logi!. I ha'e to e9plain my reason<ing for my #e!ision. 23hristian& %hen I too" this =ob& I$# only = st met yo &4 I say patiently& str g<gling to fin# the right %or#s. 2I #i#n$t "no% yo %ere going to b y the!ompany;4 -hat !an I say abo t that e'ent in o r brief history. His #erange# reasons for#oing so;his !ontrol frea"ery& his stal"er ten#en!ies gone ma#& gi'en !ompletelyfree rein be!a se he is so %ealthy. I "no% he %ants to "eep me safe& b t it$s hiso%nership of SI6 that is the f n#amental problem here. If he$# ne'er interfere#& I!o l# !ontin e as normal an# not ha'e to fa!e the #isgr ntle# an# %hispere# re<!riminations of my !olleag es. I p t my hea# in my han#s = st to brea" eye !on<ta!t %ith him. ,4A. ,45+55, 2-hy is it so important to yo .4 I as"& #esperately trying to hol# on to myfraying temper. I loo" p at his impassi'e stare& his eyes l mino s& gi'ing nothinga%ay& his earlier h rt no% hi##en. > t e'en as I as" the B estion& #eep #o%n I"no% the ans%er before he says it. 2I %ant e'eryone to "no% that yo $re mine.4 2I am yo rs;loo".4 I hol# p my left han#& sho%ing my %e##ing an# en<gagement rings. 2It$s not eno gh.4 21ot eno gh that I marrie# yo .4 My 'oi!e is barely a %hisper. He blin"s& registering the horror on my fa!e. -here !an I go from here.-hat else !an I #o. 2(hat$s not %hat I mean&4 he snaps an# r ns a han# thro gh his o'erlong hairso that it flops onto his forehea#. 2-hat #o yo mean.4 He s%allo%s. 2I %ant yo r %orl# to begin an# en# %ith me&4 he says& his e9<pression ra%. His !omment

!ompletely #erails me. It$s li"e he$s p n!he# me har#in the stoma!h& %in#ing an# %o n#ing me. An# the 'ision !omes to min# of asmall& frightene#& !opper<haire# gray<eye# boy in #irty& mismat!he#& ill< fitting!lothes. 2It #oes&4 I say %itho t g ile& be!a se it$s the tr th. 2I$m = st trying to estab<lish a !areer& an# I #on$t %ant to tra#e on yo r name. I ha'e to #o something&3hristian. I !an$t stay imprisone# at Es!ala or the ne% ho se %ith nothing to #o.I$ll go !ra)y. I$ll s ffo!ate. I$'e al%ays %or"e#& an# I en=oy this. (his is my#ream =obH it$s all I$'e e'er %ante#. > t #oing this #oesn$t mean I lo'e yo less.5o are the %orl# to me.4 My throat s%ells an# tears pri!" the ba!" of my eyes. Im st not !ry& not here. I repeat it o'er an# o'er in my hea#. I m st not !ry. I m stnot !ry. He stares at me& saying nothing. (hen a fro%n !rosses his fa!e as if he$s !on<si#ering %hat I$'e sai#. 2I s ffo!ate yo .4 His 'oi!e is blea"& an# it$s an e!ho of a B estion he$sas"e# me before. 21o . . . yes . . . no.4 (his is s !h an e9asperating !on'ersation; not one thatI %ant to ha'e no%& here. I !lose my eyes an# r b my forehea#& trying to fathomho% %e got to this. ,4E. ,47+55, 2@oo"& %e %ere tal"ing abo t my name. I %ant to "eep my name here be<!a se I %ant to p t some #istan!e bet%een yo an# me . . . b t only here& that$sall. 5o "no% e'eryone thin"s I got the =ob be!a se of yo & %hen the reality is;4I stop& %hen his eyes %i#en. /h no . . . it is be!a se of him. 2Do yo %ant to "no% %hy yo got the =ob& Anastasia.4 Anastasia. Shit. 2-hat. -hat #o yo mean.4 He shifts in his !hair as if steeling himself. Do I %ant to "no%. 2(he management here ga'e yo Hy#e$s =ob to babysit. (hey #i#n$t %ant thee9pense of hiring a senior e9e! ti'e %hen the !ompany %as mi#<sale. (hey ha#no i#ea %hat the ne% o%ner %o l# #o %ith it on!e it passe# into his o%nership&an# %isely& they #i#n$t %ant an e9pensi'e re# n#an!y. So they ga'e yo Hy#e$s=ob to !areta"e ntil the ne% o%ner4 ; he pa ses& an# his lips t%it!h in an ironi!smile;2namely me& too" o'er.4 Holy !rap! 2-hat are yo saying.4 So it %as be!a se of him. F !"! I$mhorrifie#. He smiles an# sha"es his hea# at my alarm. 2Rela9. 5o $'e more than risento the !hallenge. 5o $'e #one 'ery %ell.4 (here$s the tiniest hint of pri#e in his'oi!e& an# it$s almost my n#oing. 2/h&4 I m rm r in!oherently& reeling from this ne%s. I sit right ba!" in my!hair& open< mo the#& staring at him. He shifts again. 2I #on$t %ant to s ffo!ate yo & Ana. I #on$t %ant to p t yo in a gil#e# !age.-ell . . .4 He pa ses& his fa!e #ar"ening. 2-ell& the rational part of me #oesn$t.4He stro"es his !hin tho ghtf lly as his min# !on!o!ts some plan. /h& %here is he going %ith this. 3hristian loo"s p s ##enly& as if he$s ha# ae re"a moment. 2So one of the reasons I$m here;apart from #ealing %ith my er<rant %ife&4 he says& narro%ing his eyes& 2is to #is! ss %hat I am going to #o %iththis !ompany.4 Errant %ife! I am not errant& an# I$m not an asset! I s!o%l at 3hristian againan# the threat of tears s bsi#es. 2So %hat are yo r plans.4 I in!line my hea# to one si#e& mirroring him& an# I!an$t help my sar!asti! tone. His lips t%it!h %ith the hint of a smile.Dee);!hange of moo#& again! Ho% !an I e'er "eep p %ith Mr. Mer! rial. 2I$m renaming the !ompany;to 0rey 6 blishing.4 Holy shit. 2An# in a year$s time& it %ill be yo rs.4

,44. ,4:+55, My mo th #rops open on!e more;%i#er this time. 2(his is my %e##ing present to yo .4 I sh t my mo th then open it& trying to arti! late something;b t there$snothing there. My min# is blan". 2So& #o I nee# to !hange the name to Steele 6 blishing.4 He$s serio s. Holy f !". 23hristian&4 I %hisper %hen my brain finally re!onne!ts %ith my mo th.25o ga'e me a %at!h . . . I !an$t r n a b siness.4 He tilts his hea# to one si#e again an# gi'es me a !ensorio s fro%n. 2I ran myo%n b siness from the age of t%enty< one.4 2> t yo $re . . . yo . 3ontrol frea" an# %hi)<"i# e9traor#inaire. Dee) 3hristi<an& yo ma=ore# in e!onomi!s at Har'ar# before yo #roppe# o t. At least yo ha'e some i#ea. I sol# paint an# !able ties for three years on a part< time basis& forhea'en$s sa"e. I$'e seen so little of the %orl#& an# I "no% ne9t to nothing!4 My'oi!e rises& gro%ing lo #er an# higher& as I !omplete my tira#e. 25o $re also the most %ell<rea# person I "no%&4 he !o nters earnestly. 25o lo'e a goo# boo". 5o !o l#n$t lea'e yo r =ob %hile %e %ere on o r honeymoon.5o rea# ho% many man s!ripts. Fo r.4 2Fi'e&4 I %hisper. 2An# yo %rote f ll reports on all of them. 5o $re a 'ery bright %oman&Anastasia. I$m s re yo $ll manage.4 2Are yo !ra)y.4 23ra)y for yo &4 he %hispers. An# I snort be!a se it$s the only e9pression my bo#y !an ma"e. He narro%shis eyes. 25o $ll be a la ghing sto!". > ying a !ompany for the little %oman& %ho hasonly ha# a f ll time =ob for a fe% months of her a# lt life.4 2Do yo thin" I gi'e a f !" %hat people thin". >esi#es& yo %on$t be onyo r o%n.4 I gape at him. He really has lost his marbles this time. 23hristian& I . . .4 I p tmy hea# in my han#s;my emotions ha'e been thro gh a %ringer. Is he !ra)y.An# from some%here #ar" an# #eep insi#e I ha'e the s ##en& inappropriate nee#to la gh. -hen I loo" p at him again& his eyes %i#en. 2Something am sing yo & Ms. Steele.4 25es. 5o .4 ,45. ,4*+55, His eyes %i#en f rther& sho!"e# b t also am se#. 2@a ghing at yo r h s<ban#. (hat %ill ne'er #o. An# yo $re biting yo r lip.4 His eyes #ar"en . . . in that%ay. /h no;I "no% that loo". S ltry& se# !ti'e& sala!io s . . . 1o& no& no! 1othere. 2Don$t e'en thin" abo t it&4 I %arn& alarm !lear in my 'oi!e. 2(hin" abo t %hat& Anastasia.4 2I "no% that loo". -e$re at %or".4 He leans for%ar#& his eyes gl e# to mine& molten gray an# h ngry. Holy shit!I s%allo% instin!ti'ely. 2-e$re in a small& reasonably so n#< proofe# offi!e %ith alo!"able #oor.4 20ross moral t rpit #e.4 I en n!iate ea!h %or# !aref lly. 21ot %ith yo r h sban#.4 2-ith my boss$s boss$s boss&4 I hiss. 25o $re my %ife.4 23hristian& no. I mean it. 5o !an f !" me se'en sha#es of S n#ay this e'en<ing. > t not no%. 1ot here!4 He blin"s an# narro%s his eyes on!e more. (hen ne9pe!te#ly he la ghs. 2Se'en sha#es of S n#ay.4 He ar!hes an eyebro%& intrig e#. 2I may hol#yo to that& Ms. Steele.4 2/h& stop %ith the Ms. Steele!4 I snap an# th mp the #es"& startling s both.2For hea'en$s sa"e& 3hristian. If it means so m !h to yo & I$ll !hange my name!4 His mo th pops open as he inhales sharply. An# then he grins& a ra#iant& all<teeth<sho%ing& =oyo s grin. -o% . . . 20oo#.4 He !laps his han#s& an# all of a s ##en he stan#s. -hat no%. 2Mission a!!omplishe#. 1o%& I ha'e %or" to #o. If yo $ll e9! se me& Mrs.0rey.4 0ah;this man is so ma##ening! 2> t;4 2> t %hat& Mrs. 0rey.4 I sag. 2D st go.4 2I inten# to. I$ll see yo this e'ening. I$m loo"ing for%ar# to se'en sha#es ofS n#ay.4 I

s!o%l. 2/h& an# I ha'e a sta!" of b siness<relate# so!ial engagements !oming p&an# I$# li"e yo to a!!ompany me.4 ,47. ,48+55, I gape at him. -ill yo = st go. 2I$ll ha'e An#rea !all Hannah to p t the #ates in yo r !alen#ar. (here aresome people yo nee# to meet. 5o sho l# get Hannah to han#le yo r s!he# lefrom no% on.4 2/"ay&4 I m mble& !ompletely bem se#& be%il#ere# an# shell<sho!"e#. He leans o'er my #es". -hat no%. I am !a ght in his hypnoti! ga)e. 2@o'e #oing b siness %ith yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 He leans in !loser as I sit para<ly)e#& an# he plants a soft ten#er "iss on my lips. 2@aters& baby&4 he m rm rs. Hestan#s abr ptly& %in"s at me& an# lea'es. I lay my hea# on my #es"& feeling li"e I$'e been r n o'er by a freighttrain;the freight train that is my belo'e# h sban#. He has to be the most fr strat<ing& annoying& !ontrary man on the planet. I sit p an# franti!ally r b my eyes.-hat ha'e I = st agree# to. /"ay& Ana 0rey r nning SI6;I mean& 0rey 6 blish<ing. (he man is insane. (here$s a "no!" on the #oor& an# Hannah po"es her hea#aro n#. 25o o"ay.4 she as"s. I = st stare at her. She fro%ns. 2I "no% yo #on$t li"e me #oing this;b t !an I ma"e yo some tea.4 I no#. 2(%inings English >rea"fast& %ea" an# bla!".4 I no#. 23oming right p& Ana.4 I stare blan"ly at my !omp ter s!reen& still in sho!". Ho% !an I ma"e him n#erstan#. E<mail!FromL Anastasia SteeleS b=e!tL 1/( A1 ASSE(!DateL A g st AA& A0,, ,4LAE(oL 3hristian 0reyMr. 0rey1e9t time yo !ome an# see me& ma"e an appointment& so I !an at least ha'e some ,4:. ,50+55,prior %arning of yo r a#oles!ent o'erbearing megalomania.5o rsAnastasia 0rey Q<<<<<please note name.3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Se'en Sha#es of S n#ayDateL A g st AA& A0,, ,4LE4(oL Anastasia SteeleMy Dear Mrs. 0rey Remphasis on MyS-hat !an I say in my #efense. I %as in the neighborhoo#.An# no& yo are not an asset& yo are my belo'e# %ife.As e'er& yo ma"e my #ay.3hristian 0rey3E/ M /'erbearing Megalomania!& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.He$s trying to be f nny& b t I am in no moo# to la gh. I ta"e a #eep breath an# goba!" to my !orrespon#en!e. 3hristian is B iet %hen I !limb into the !ar that e'ening. 2Hi&4 I m rm r. 2Hi&4 he respon#s& %arily; as he sho l#. 2Disr pt anyone else$s %or" to#ay.4 I as" too s%eetly. A ghost of a smile !rosses his fa!e. 2/nly Flynn$s.4 /h. 21e9t time yo go to see him& I$ll gi'e yo a list of topi!s I %ant !o'ere#&4 Ihiss at him. 25o seem o t of sorts& Mrs. 0rey.4 I glare stea#ily at the ba!"s of Ryan an# Sa%yer$s hea#s in front of me.3hristian shifts besi#e me. ,4*. ,5,+55, 2Hey&4 he says softly an# rea!hes for my han#. All afternoon& %hen I sho l#ha'e been !on!entrating on %or"& I %as trying to fig re o t %hat to say to him.> t I be!ame angrier an# angrier %ith ea!h passing ho r. I$'e ha# eno gh of his!a'alier& pet lant& an# fran"ly !hil#ish beha'ior. I snat!h my han# o t of his;in a!a'alier& pet lant& an# !hil#ish manner. 25o $re ma# at me.4 he %hispers. 25es&4 I hiss. Fol#ing my arms prote!ti'ely a!ross my bo#y& I ga)e o t my%in#o%. He shifts besi#e me on!e more& b t I %ill myself not to loo" at him. I#on$t n#erstan# %hy I$m so ma#

at him;b t I am. Really f !"ing ma#. As soon as %e p ll p o tsi#e Es!ala& I brea" proto!ol an# leap o t of the !ar%ith my brief!ase. I stomp into the b il#ing& not !he!"ing to see %ho is follo%ing.Ryan s! ttles into the foyer behin# me an# #ashes to the ele'ator to press the !allb tton. 2-hat.4 I snap %hen I$m alongsi#e him. His !hee"s re##en. 2Apologies& ma$am&4 he m tters. 3hristian !omes an# stan#s besi#e me to %ait for the ele'ator& an# Ryanretreats. 2So it$s not = st me yo $re ma# at.4 3hristian m rm rs #ryly. I glare p athim an# see a tra!e of a smile on his fa!e. 2Are yo la ghing at me.4 I narro% my eyes. 2I %o l#n$t #are&4 he says& hol#ing his han#s p li"e I$m threatening him atg npoint. He$s in his na'y s it& loo"ing !risp an# !lean %ith floppy se9<hair an# ag ileless e9pression. 25o nee# a hair! t&4 I m tter. ( rning a%ay from him& I step into theele'ator. 2Do I.4 he says %hile br shing his hair off his forehea#. He follo%s me in. 25es.4 I tap the !o#e for o r apartment into the "eypa#. 2So yo $re tal"ing to me no%.4 2D st.4 2-hat e9a!tly are yo ma# abo t. I nee# an in#i!ation&4 he as"s !a tio sly. I t rn an# gape at him. 2Do yo really ha'e no i#ea. S rely& for someone so bright& yo m st ha'ean in"ling. I !an$t belie'e yo $re that obt se.4 He ta"es an alarme# step ba!". 25o really are ma#. I tho ght %e ha# sorte#all this in yo r offi!e&4 he m rm rs& perple9e#. ,48. ,5A+55, 23hristian& I = st !apit late# to yo r pet lant #eman#s. (hat$s all.4 (he ele'ator #oors open an# I storm o t. (aylor is stan#ing in the hall%ay.He ta"es a step ba!" an# B i!"ly sh ts his mo th as I steam past him. 2Hi& (aylor&4 I m tter. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs. Dropping my brief!ase in the hall%ay& I hea# into the great room. Mrs. Donesis at the sto'e. 20oo# e'ening& Mrs. 0rey.4 2Hi& Mrs. Dones&4 I m tter on!e more. I hea# straight to the fri#ge an# p llo t a bottle of %hite %ine. 3hristian follo%s me into the "it!hen an# %at!hes meli"e a ha%" as I ta"e a glass #o%n from the ! pboar#. He remo'es his =a!"et an#!as ally pla!es it on the !o ntertop. 2Do yo %ant a #rin".4 I as" s per s%eetly. 21o than"s&4 he says& not ta"ing his eyes off me& an# I "no% that he$s help<less. He #oes not "no% %hat to #o %ith me. It$s !omi!al on one le'el an# tragi!on another. -ell& s!re% him! I am ha'ing tro ble lo!ating my !ompassionate selfsin!e o r meeting this afternoon. Slo%ly& he remo'es his tie then opens the topb tton of his shirt. I po r myself a large glass of sa 'ignon blan!& an# 3hristianr ns a han# thro gh his hair. -hen I t rn aro n#& Mrs. Dones has #isappeare#.Shit! She$s my h man shiel#. I ta"e a sl g of %ine. Hmm. It tastes goo#. 2Stop this&4 3hristian %hispers. He ta"es the t%o steps bet%een s so he$sstan#ing in front of me. 0ently he t !"s my hair behin# my ear an# !aresses myearlobe %ith his fingertips& sen#ing a shi'er thro gh me. Is this %hat I$'e misse#all #ay. His to !h. I sha"e my hea#& !a sing him to release my ear an# ga)e p athim. 2(al" to me&4 he m rm rs. 2-hat$s the point. 5o #on$t listen to me.4 25es I #o. 5o $re one of the fe% people I #o listen to.4 I ta"e another s%ig of %ine. 2Is this abo t yo r name.4 25es an# no. It$s ho% yo #ealt %ith the fa!t that I #isagree# %ith yo .4 Iglare p at him& e9pe!ting him to be angere#. His bro% f rro%s. 2Ana& yo "no% I ha'e . . . iss es. It$s har# for me to letgo %here yo $re !on!erne#. 5o "no% that.4 2> t I$m not a !hil#& an# I$m not an asset.4

,50. ,5E+55, 2I "no%.4 He sighs. 2(hen stop treating me as tho gh I am&4 I %hisper& imploring him. He br shes the ba!" of his fingers #o%n my !hee" an# r ns the tip of histh mb a!ross my bottom lip. 2Don$t be ma#. 5o $re so pre!io s to me. @i"e a pri!eless asset& li"e a !hil#&4he %hispers& a somber re'erent e9pression on his fa!e. His %or#s #istra!t me. @i"ea !hil#. 6re!io s li"e a !hil# . . . a !hil# %o l# be pre!io s to him! 2I$m neither of those things& 3hristian. I$m yo r %ife. If yo %ere h rt that I%asn$t going to ta"e yo r name& yo sho l# ha'e sai#.4 2H rt.4 He fro%ns #eeply& an# I "no% that he$s e9ploring the possibility inhis min#. He straightens s ##enly& still fro%ning& an# glan!es B i!"ly at his %rist<%at!h. 2(he ar!hite!t %ill be here in = st n#er an ho r. -e sho l# eat.4 /h no. I groan in%ar#ly. He hasn$t ans%ere# me& an# no% I ha'e to #eal %ith0ia Matteo. My shitty #ay = st got shittier. I s!o%l at 3hristian. 2(his #is! ssion isn$t finishe#&4 I m tter. 2-hat else is there to #is! ss.4 25o !o l# sell the !ompany.4 3hristian snorts. 2Sell it.4 25es.4 25o thin" I$# fin# a b yer in to#ay$s mar"et.4 2Ho% m !h #i# it !ost yo .4 2It %as relati'ely !heap.4 His tone is g ar#e#. 2So if it fol#s.4 He smir"s. 2-e$ll s r'i'e. > t I %on$t let it fol#& Anastasia. 1ot %hileyo $re there.4 2An# if I lea'e.4 2An# #o %hat.4 2I #on$t "no%. Something else.4 25o $'e alrea#y sai# this is yo r #ream =ob. An# forgi'e me if I$m %rong&b t I promise# before 0o#& Re'eren# -alsh& an# a !ongregation of o r nearestan# #earest to !herish yo & phol# yo r hopes an# #reams& an# "eep yo safe atmy si#e.4 2O oting yo r %e##ing 'o%s to me is not playing fair.4 2I$'e ne'er promise# to play fair %here yo $re !on!erne#. >esi#es&4 he a##s&2yo $'e %iel#e# yo r 'o%s at me li"e a %eapon before.4 ,5,. ,54+55, I s!o%l at him. (his is tr e. 2Anastasia& if yo $re still angry %ith me& ta"e it o t on me in be# later.4 His'oi!e is s ##enly lo% an# f ll of sens al longing& his eyes heate#. -hat. >e#. Ho%. He smiles in# lgently #o%n at my e9pression. Is he e9pe!ting me to tie him p. Holy !rap! My inner go##ess remo'es her i6o# earb #s an# starts listening%ith rapt attention. 2Se'en sha#es of S n#ay&4 he %hispers. 2@oo"ing for%ar# to it.4 -hoa! 20ail!4 he sho ts abr ptly& an# fo r se!on#s later& Mrs. Dones appears. -here%as she. (aylor$s offi!e. @istening. /h =ee). 2Mr. 0rey.4 2-e$# li"e to eat no%& please.4 2Cery goo#& sir.4 3hristian #oesn$t ta"e his eyes off me. He %at!hes me 'igilantly as if I$msome e9oti! !reat re abo t to bolt. I ta"e a sip of my %ine. 2I thin" I$ll =oin yo in a glass&4 he says& sighing& an# r ns a han# thro gh hishair again.25o $re not going to finish.4 21o.4 I ga)e #o%n at my barely to !he# plate of fett !!ini to a'oi# 3hristi< an$s #ar"ening e9pression. >efore he !an say anything& I stan# an# !lear o rplates from the #ining table. 20ia %ill be %ith s shortly&4 I m tter. 3hristian$s mo th t%ists in an n<happy s!o%l& b t he says nothing. 2I$ll ta"e those& Mrs. 0rey&4 says Mrs. Dones as I %al" into the "it!hen. 2(han" yo .4 25o #i#n$t li"e it.4 she as"s& !on!erne#. 2It %as fine. I$m = st not h ngry.4 0i'ing me a small sympatheti! smile& she t rns to !lear my plate an# p te'erything in the #ish%asher. 2I$m going to ma"e a !o ple of !alls&4 3hristian anno n!es& gi'ing me an as<sessing loo" before he #isappears into his st #y.

,5A. ,55+55, I let o t a sigh of relief an# hea# to o r be#room. Dinner %as a%"%ar#. I$mstill ma# at 3hristian& an# he #oesn$t seem to thin" he$s #one anything %rong.Has he. My s b!ons!io s !o!"s an eyebro% at me an# ga)es benignly o'er herhalf<moon glasses. 5es& he has. He$s ma#e it e'en more a%"%ar# for me at %or".He #i#n$t %ait to #is! ss this iss e %ith me %hen %e %ere in the relati'e pri'a!yof o r o%n home. Ho% %o l# he feel if I !ame barging into his offi!e& laying#o%n the la%. An# to !ap it all& he %ants to gi'e me SI6! Ho% the hell !o l# Ir n a !ompany. I "no% ne9t to nothing abo t b siness. I ga)e o t at the Seattle s"yline bathe# in the pearly pin" light of # s". An#as s al& he %ants to sol'e o r #ifferen!es in the be#room . . . m . . . foyer . . .playroom . . . (C room . . . "it!hen !o ntertop . . . Stop! It al%ays !omes ba!" tose9 %ith him. Se9 is his !oping me!hanism. I %an#er into the bathroom an# s!o%l at my refle!tion in the mirror. 3omingba!" to the real %orl# is har#. -e manage# to s"ate o'er all o r #ifferen!es %hile%e %ere in o r b bble be!a se %e %ere so %rappe# p in ea!h other. > t no%. >riefly I am #ragge# ba!" to my %e##ing& remembering my !on!erns that#ay ;marry in haste . . . 1o& I m stn$t thin" li"e this. I "ne% he %as Fifty Sha#es%hen I marrie# him. I = st ha'e to hang in there an# try to tal" this thro gh %ithhim. I sB int at myself in the mirror. I loo" pale& an# no% I ha'e that %oman to#eal %ith. I$m %earing my gray pen!il s"irt an# a slee'eless blo se. Right! My innergo##ess gets o t her harlot<re# nail polish. I n#o t%o b ttons& e9posing a little!lea'age. I %ash my fa!e then !aref lly re#o my ma"e p& applying more mas!arathan s al an# p tting e9tra gloss on my lips. >en#ing #o%n& I then br sh my hair'igoro sly from root to tip. -hen I stan#& my hair is a !hestn t ha)e aro n# methat t mbles to my breasts. I t !" it artf lly behin# my ears an# go in sear!h ofmy p mps& rather than my flats. -hen I reemerge into the great room& 3hristian has the ho se plans sprea#o t on the #ining table. He has m si! playing thro gh the so n# system. It stopsme in my tra!"s. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 he says %armly then loo"s B i))i!ally at me. 2-hat$s this.4 I as". (he m si! is st nning. 2Fa rG$s ReB iem. 5o loo" #ifferent&4 he says& #istra!te#. 2/h. I$'e not hear# it before.4 ,5E. ,57+55, 2It$s 'ery !alming& rela9ing&4 he says an# raises an eyebro%. 2Ha'e yo #onesomething to yo r hair.4 2>r she# it&4 I m tter. I$m transporte# by the ha nting 'oi!es. Aban#oningthe plans on the table& he %al"s to%ar# me& a slo% sa nter in time to the m si!. 2Dan!e %ith me.4 he m rm rs. 2(o this. It$s a reB iem.4 I sB ea"& sho!"e#. 25es.4 He p lls me into his arms an# hol#s me& b rying his nose in my hairan# s%aying gently from si#e to si#e. He smells his hea'enly self. /h . . . I$'e misse# him. I %rap my arms aro n# him an# fight the rge to !ry.-hy are yo so inf riating. 2I hate fighting %ith yo &4 he %hispers. 2-ell& stop being s !h an arse.4 He !h !"les an# the !apti'ating so n# re'erberates thro gh his !hest. Hetightens his hol# on me. 2Arse.4 2Ass.4 2I prefer arse.4 25o sho l#. It s its yo .4 He la ghs on!e more an# "isses the top of my hea#. 2A reB iem.4 I m rm r a little sho!"e# that %e are #an!ing to it. He shr gs. 2It$s = st a lo'ely pie!e of m si!& Ana.4 (aylor !o ghs #is!reetly at the entran!e%ay& an# 3hristian releases me. 2Miss Matteo is here&4 he says. /h =oy! 2Sho% her in&4

3hristian says. He rea!hes o'er an# !lasps my han# as Miss0ia Matteo enters the room. ,54. 0ia Matteo is a goo#<loo"ing %oman;a tall& goo#<loo"ing %oman. She %earsher short& salon<blon#& perfe!tly layere# an# !oiffe# hair li"e a sophisti!ate#!ro%n. She$s #resse# in a pale gray pants itH the sla!"s an# fitte# =a!"et h g herl sh ! r'es. Her !lothes loo" e9pensi'e. At the base of her throat& a solitary #ia<mon# glints& mat!hing the single<!arat st #s in her ears. She is %ellgroome#;one of those %omen %ho gre% p %ith money an# bree#ing& tho ghher bree#ing seems to be la!"ing this e'eningH her pale bl e blo se is n#one toofar. @i"e mine. I fl sh. ,55. ,5*+55, 23hristian. Ana.4 She beams& sho%ing perfe!t %hite teeth& an# hol#s o t amani! re# han# to sha"e first 3hristian$s& then my han#. It means I ha'e to re<lease 3hristian$s han# to re!ipro!ate. She$s a fra!tion shorter than 3hristian& b tthen she$s in "iller heels. 20ia&4 3hristian says politely. I smile !oolly. 25o both loo" so %ell after yo r honeymoon&4 she says smoothly& herbro%n eyes ga)ing at 3hristian thro gh long mas!arae# lashes. 3hristian p ts hisarm aro n# me& hol#ing me !lose. 2-e ha# a %on#erf l time& than" yo .4 He br shes his lips against mytemple& ta"ing me by s rprise. See . . . he$s mine. Annoying;inf riating& e'en;b t mine. I grin. Right no%I really lo'e yo & 3hristian 0rey. I slip my han# aro n# his %aist then into hisrear po!"et of his pants an# sB ee)e his behin#. 0ia gi'es s a thin smile. 2Ha'e yo manage# to loo" o'er the plans.4 2-e ha'e&4 I m rm r. I ga)e p at 3hristian& %ho grins #o%n at me& one eye<bro% raise# in %ry am sement. Am se# at %hat. My rea!tion to 0ia or mesB ee)ing his b tt. 26lease&4 3hristian says. 2(he plans are here.4 He gest res to%ar# the #iningtable. (a"ing my han#& he lea#s me to it& 0ia follo%ing in o r %a"e. I finally re<member my manners. 2-o l# yo li"e something to #rin".4 I as". 2A glass of %ine.4 2(hat %o l# be lo'ely&4 0ia says. 2Dry %hite if yo ha'e it.4 Shit! Sa 'ignon blan!;that$s a #ry %hite& isn$t it. Rel !tantly lea'ing myh sban#$s si#e& I hea# o'er to the "it!hen. I hear the i6o# hiss as 3hristians%it!hes off the m si!. 2-o l# yo li"e some more %ine& 3hristian.4 I !all. 26lease& baby&4 he !roons& grinning at me. -o%& he !an be so s%oon%orthyat times yet so aggra'ating at others. Rea!hing p to open the ! pboar#& I$m a%are his eyes are on me& an# I$mgrippe# by the n!anny feeling that 3hristian an# I are p tting on a sho%& playinga game together; b t this time %e$re on the same si#e pitte# against Ms. Matteo.Does he "no% that she$s attra!te# to him an# is being too ob'io s abo t it. Itgi'es me a small r sh of pleas re %hen I reali)e maybe he$s trying to reass re me./r maybe he$s = st sen#ing a message lo # an# !lear to this %oman that he$sta"en. ,57. ,58+55, Mine. 5eah& bit!h;mine. My inner go##ess is %earing her gla#iatri9 o tfit&an# she$s ta"ing no prisoners. Smiling to myself I !olle!t three glasses from the! pboar#& ta"e the opene# bottle of sa 'ignon blan! from the fri#ge& an# pla!ethem all on the brea"fast bar. 0ia is leaning o'er the table %hile 3hristian stan#sbesi#e her an# points at something on the

plans. 2I thin" Ana has some opinions on the glass %all& b t generally %e$re bothplease# %ith the i#eas yo $'e !ome p %ith.4 2/h& I$m gla#&4 0ia g shes& ob'io sly relie'e#& an# as she says it& she brieflyto !hes his arm in a small& flirty gest re. 3hristian stiffens imme#iately b ts btly. She #oesn$t e'en seem to noti!e. @ea'e him the f !" alone& la#y. He #oesn$t li"e to be to !he#. Stepping !as ally asi#e so he$s o t of her rea!h& 3hristian t rns to me.2(hirsty here&4 he says. 23oming right p.4 He is playing the game. She ma"es him n!omfortable.-hy #i#n$t I see that before. (hat$s %hy I #on$t li"e her. He$s se# to ho% %o<men rea!t to him. I$'e seen it often eno gh& an# s ally he thin"s nothing of it.(o !hing is something else. -ell& Mrs. 0rey to the res! e. I hastily po r the %ine& gather all three glasses in my han#s& an# h rry ba!"to my "night in #istress. /ffering a glass to 0ia& I #eliberately position myselfbet%een them. She smiles !o rteo sly as she a!!epts it. I han# the se!on# to3hristian& %ho ta"es it eagerly& his e9pression one of am se# gratit #e. 23heers&4 3hristian says to s both& b t loo"ing at me. 0ia an# I raise o rglasses an# ans%er in nison. I ta"e a %el!ome sip of %ine. 2Ana& yo ha'e some iss es %ith the glass %all.4 0ia as"s. 25es. I lo'e it;#on$t get me %rong. > t I %as hoping that %e !o l# in!or<porate it more organi!ally into the ho se. After all& I fell in lo'e %ith the ho se asit %as& an# I #on$t %ant to ma"e any ra#i!al !hanges.4 2I see.4 2I = st %ant the #esign to be sympatheti!& yo "no% . . . more in "eeping %iththe original ho se.4 I glan!e p at 3hristian& %ho is ga)ing at me tho ghtf lly. 21o ma=or reno'ations.4 he m rm rs. 21o.4 I sha"e my hea# to emphasi)e my point. 25o li"e it as it is.4 2Mostly& yes. I al%ays "ne% it = st nee#e# some (@3.4 3hristian$s eyes glo% %armly. ,5:. ,70+55, 0ia glan!es at the pair of s& an# her !hee"s pin". 2/"ay&4 she says. 2I thin" Iget %here yo $re !oming from& Ana. Ho% abo t if %e retain the glass %all& b tha'e it open o t onto a larger #e!" that$s in "eeping %ith the Me#iterranean style.-e ha'e the stone terra!e there alrea#y. -e !an p t in pillars in mat!hing stone&%i#ely spa!e# so yo $ll still ha'e the 'ie%. A## a glass roof& or tile it as per therest of the ho se. It$ll also ma"e a sheltere# al fres!o #ining an# seate# area.4 0ot to gi'e the %oman her # e . . . she$s goo#. 2/r instea# of the #e!"& %e !o l# in!orporate a %oo# !olor of yo r !hoi!e in<to the glass #oors;that might help to "eep the Me#iterranean spirit&4 she!ontin es. 2@i"e the bright bl e sh tters in the So th of Fran!e&4 I m rm r to 3hristian&%ho is %at!hing me intently. He ta"es a sip of %ine an# shr gs& 'ery non!ommit<tal. Hmm. He #oesn$t li"e that i#ea b t he #oesn$t o'err le me& shoot me #o%n& orma"e me feel st pi#. 0o#& this man is a mass of !ontra#i!tions. His %or#s fromyester#ay !ome to min#L 2I %ant this ho se to be the %ay yo %ant. -hate'er yo %ant. It$s yo rs.4 He %ants me to be happy;happy in e'erything I #o. Deep#o%n I thin" I "no% this. It$s = st;I stop myself. Don$t thin" abo t o r arg mentno%. My s b!ons!io s glares at me. 0ia is loo"ing at 3hristian& %aiting for him to ma"e the #e!ision. I %at!h asher p pils #ilate an# her glosse# lips part. Her tong e #arts B i!"ly o'er her toplip before she ta"es a sip of her %ine. -hen I t rn to 3hristian& he$s still loo"ingat me;not at her at all. 5es! My inner go##ess fist p mps the air. I am going toha'e %or#s %ith Ms. Matteo. 2Ana& %hat #o yo %ant

to #o.4 3hristian m rm rs& 'ery !learly #eferring tome. 2I li"e the #e!" i#ea.4 2Me& too.4 I t rn ba!" to 0ia. Hey& la#y& loo" at me& not him. I$m the one ma"ing the #e<!isions on this. 2I thin" I$# li"e to see re'ise# #ra%ings sho%ing the bigger #e!"an# pillars that are in "eeping %ith the ho se.4 Rel !tantly& 0ia #rags her gree#y eyes a%ay from my h sban# an# smiles#o%n at me. Does she thin" I$m not going to noti!e. 2S re&4 she a!B ies!es pleasantly. 2Any other iss es.4 /ther than yo eye<f !"ing my h sban#. 23hristian %ants to remo#el themaster s ite&4 I m rm r. ,5*. ,7,+55, (here$s a #is!reet !o gh from the entran!e to the great room. -e three t rnas one to fin# (aylor stan#ing there. 2(aylor.4 3hristian as"s. 2I nee# to !onfer %ith yo on an rgent matter& Mr. 0rey.4 3hristian !lasps my sho l#ers from behin# an# a##resses 0ia. 2Mrs. 0rey is in !harge of this pro=e!t. She has absol te !arte blan!he.-hate'er she %ants& it$s hers. I !ompletely tr st her instin!ts. She$s 'ery shre%#.4His 'oi!e alters s btly. In it I hear pri#e an# a 'eile# %arning;a %arning to 0ia. He tr sts my instin!ts. /h& this man$s e9asperating. My instin!ts let him r nro ghsho# o'er my feelings this afternoon. I sha"e my hea# in fr stration b t I$mgratef l that he$s telling Miss 6ro'o!ati'e<An#<?nfort nately<0oo#<At<Her<Dob= st %ho$s in !harge. I !aress his han# as it rests on my sho l#er. 2If yo $ll e9! se me.4 3hristian sB ee)es my sho l#ers before follo%ing(aylor. I %on#er i#ly %hat$s going on. 2So . . . the master s ite.4 0ia as"s ner'o sly. I ga)e p at her& pa sing for a moment to ens re that 3hristian an# (aylor areo t of earshot. (hen !alling on all my inner strength an# the fa!t that I$'e beenserio sly piB e# for the last fi'e ho rs& I let her ha'e it. 25o $re right to be ner'o s& 0ia& be!a se right no% yo r %or" on this pro=e!thangs in the balan!e. > t I$m s re %e$ll be fine as long as yo "eep yo r han#soff my h sban#.4 She gasps. 2/ther%ise& yo $re fire#. ?n#erstan#.4 I en n!iate ea!h %or# !learly. She blin"s rapi#ly& tterly st nne#. She !annot belie'e %hat I$'e sai#. I !an<not belie'e %hat I$'e = st sai#. > t I hol# my gro n#& ga)ing impassi'ely into her%i#ening bro%n eyes. Don$t ba!" #o%n. Don$t ba!" #o%n! I$'e learne# this ma##ening impassi'ee9pression from 3hristian %ho #oes impassi'e li"e no one else. I "no% thatreno'ating the 0reys$ main resi#en!e is a prestigio s pro=e!t for 0ia$s ar!hite!t r<al firm;a resplen#ent feather in her !ap. She !an$t lose this !ommission. An#right no% I #on$t gi'e a hoot that she$s Elliot$s frien#. 2Ana;Mrs. 0rey . . . I<I$m so sorry. I ne'er ;4 She fl shes& ns re %hatelse she !an say. 2@et me be !lear. My h sban# is not intereste# in yo .4 2/f !o rse&4 she m rm rs& the bloo# #raining from her fa!e. ,58. ,7A+55, 2As I sai#& I = st %ante# to be !lear.4 2Mrs. 0rey& I sin!erely apologi)e if yo thin" . . . I ha'e;4 She stops& stillflo n#ering for something to say. 20oo#. As long as %e n#erstan# ea!h other& %e$ll be fine. 1o%& I$ll let yo "no% %hat %e ha'e in min# for the master s ite& then I$# li"e a r n #o%n on allthe materials yo inten# to se. As yo "no%& 3hristian an# I are #etermine# thatthis ho se sho l# be e!ologi!ally s stainable& an# I$# li"e to reass re him as to%here all the materials are !oming from an# %hat they are.4 2/f !<!o rse&4 she st tters& %i#e<eye# an# fran"ly a little intimi#ate# by

me.(his is a first. My inner go##ess r ns aro n# the arena& %a'ing to the fren)ie#!ro%#. 0ia pats her hair into pla!e& an# I reali)e this is a ner'o s gest re. 2(he master s ite.4 she prompts an9io sly& her 'oi!e a breathless %hisper.1o% that I ha'e the pper han#& I feel myself rela9 for the first time sin!e mymeeting %ith 3hristian this afternoon. I !an #o this. My inner go##ess is !elebrat<ing her inner bit!h.3hristian =oins s = st as %e$re finishing p. 2All #one.4 he as"s. He p ts his arm aro n# my %aist an# t rns to 0ia. 25es& Mr. 0rey&4 0ia smiles brightly& tho gh her smile loo"s brittle. 2I$llha'e the re'ise# plans to yo in a !o ple of #ays.4 2E9!ellent. 5o $re happy.4 he as"s me #ire!tly& his eyes %arm an# probing. Ino# an# bl sh for some reason that I #on$t n#erstan#. 2I$# better be going&4 0ia says again too brightly. She offers her han# to mefirst this time& then to 3hristian. 2?ntil ne9t time& 0ia&4 I m rm r. 25es& Mrs. 0rey. Mr. 0rey.4 (aylor appears at the entran!e of the great room. 2(aylor %ill see yo o t.4 My 'oi!e is lo # eno gh for him to hear. 6attingher hair on!e more& she t rns on her high heels an# lea'es the great room& fol<lo%e# !losely by (aylor. 2She %as noti!eably !ooler&4 3hristian says& loo"ing B i))i!ally at me. ,70. ,7E+55, 2-as she. I #i#n$t noti!e.4 I shr g& trying to remain ne tral. 2-hat #i#(aylor %ant.4 I as" partly be!a se I$m ! rio s an# partly be!a se I %ant to!hange the s b=e!t. Fro%ning& 3hristian releases me an# begins to roll p the plans on the table.2It %as abo t Hy#e.4 2-hat abo t Hy#e.4 I %hisper. 2It$s nothing to %orry abo t& Ana.4 Aban#oning the plans& 3hristian #ra%sme into his arms. 2It t rns o t he hasn$t been in his apartment for %ee"s& that$sall.4 He "isses my hair& then releases me an# finishes his tas". 2So %hat #i# yo #e!i#e on.4 he as"s& an# I "no% it$s be!a se he #oesn$t%ant me to p rs e the Hy#e line of inB iry. 2/nly %hat yo an# I #is! sse#. I thin" she li"es yo &4 I say B ietly. He snorts. 2Di# yo say something to her.4 he as"s an# I fl sh. Ho% #oes he"no%. At a loss %hat to say& I stare #o%n at my fingers. 2-e %ere 3hristian an# Ana %hen she arri'e#& an# Mr. an# Mrs. 0rey %henshe left.4 His tone is #ry. 2I may ha'e sai# something&4 I m mble. -hen I pee" p at him& he$s regar#<ing me %armly& an# for an ng ar#e# moment he loo"s . . . please#. He #rops hisga)e& sha"ing his hea#& an# his e9pression !hanges. 2She$s only rea!ting to this fa!e.4 He so n#s 'ag ely bitter& #isg ste# e'en. /h& Fifty& no! 2-hat.4 He$s bem se# by my perple9e# e9pression. His eyes gro% %i#e inalarm. 25o $re not =ealo s& are yo .4 he as"s& horrifie#. I bl sh an# s%allo%& then stare #o%n at my "notte# fingers. Am I. 2Ana& she$s a se9 al pre#ator. 1ot my type at all. Ho% !an yo be =ealo s ofher. /f anyone. 1othing abo t her interests me.4 -hen I glan!e p& he$s gapingat me as if I$'e gro%n an a##itional limb. He r ns a han# thro gh his hair. 2It$sonly yo & Ana&4 he says B ietly. 2It %ill only e'er be yo .4 /h my. Aban#oning the plans on!e more& 3hristian mo'es to%ar# me an#!lasps my !hin bet%een his th mb an# forefinger. 2Ho% !an yo thin" other%ise. Ha'e I e'er gi'en yo any in#i!ation that I!o l# be remotely intereste# in anyone else.4 His eyes bla)e as he stares intomine. 21o&4 I %hisper. 2I$m being silly. It$s = st to#ay . . . yo . . .4 All my !onfli!t<ing emotions from earlier res rfa!es. Ho% !an I tell him ho% !onf se# I am. I$'e

,7,. ,74+55,been !onfo n#e# an# fr strate# by his beha'ior this afternoon in my offi!e. /nemin te he %ants me to stay at home& the ne9t he$s gifting me a !ompany. Ho% amI s ppose# to "eep p. 2-hat abo t me.4 2/h& 3hristian4;my bottom lip trembles;2I$m trying to a#apt to this ne%life that I ha# ne'er imagine# for myself. E'erything is being han#e# to me on aplate;the =ob& yo & my bea tif l h sban#& %ho I ne'er . . . I ne'er "ne% I$# lo'ethis %ay& this har#& this fast& this . . . in#elibly.4 I ta"e a #eep stea#ying breath& ashis mo th #rops open. 2> t yo $re li"e a freight train& an# I #on$t %ant to get railroa#e# be!a se thegirl yo fell in lo'e %ith %ill be !r she#. An# %hat$ll be left. All that %o l# beleft is a 'a! o s so!ial 9<ray& flitting from !harity f n!tion to !harity f n!tion.4 Ipa se on!e more& str ggling to fin# the %or#s to !on'ey ho% I feel. 2An# no%yo %ant me to be a !ompany 3E/& %hi!h has ne'er e'en been on my ra#ar. I$mbo n!ing bet%een all these i#eas& str ggling. 5o %ant me at home. 5o %ant meto r n a !ompany. It$s so !onf sing.4 I stop& tears threatening& an# I for!e ba!" asob. 25o $'e got to let me ma"e my o%n #e!isions& ta"e my o%n ris"s& an# ma"emy o%n mista"es& an# let me learn from them. I nee# to %al" before I !an r n&3hristian& #on$t yo see. I %ant some in#epen#en!e. (hat$s %hat my name meansto me.4 (here& that$s %hat I %ante# to say this afternoon. 25o feel railroa#e#.4 he %hispers. I no#. He !loses his eyes an# r ns his han# thro gh his hair in agitation. 2I = st %antto gi'e yo the %orl#& Ana& e'erything an# anything yo %ant. An# sa'e yo from it& too. Feep yo safe. > t I also %ant e'eryone to "no% yo $re mine. I pan<i!"e# to#ay %hen I got yo r e<mail. -hy #i#n$t yo tell me abo t yo r name.4 I fl sh. He has a point. 2I only tho ght abo t it %hile %e %ere on o r honeymoon& an# %ell& I #i#n$t%ant to b rst the b bble& an# I forgot abo t it. I only remembere# yester#ay e'en<ing. An# then Da!" . . . yo "no%& it %as #istra!ting. I$m sorry& I sho l# ha'e tol#yo or #is! sse# it %ith yo & b t I !o l# ne'er seem to fin# the right time.4 3hristian$s intense ga)e is nner'ing. It$s as if he$s trying to %ill his %ay intomy s" ll& b t he says nothing. 2-hy #i# yo pani!.4 I as". ,7A. ,75+55, 2I = st #on$t %ant yo to slip thro gh my fingers.4 2For hea'en$s sa"e& I$m not going any%here. -hen are yo going to get thatthro gh yo r in!re#ibly thi!" s" ll. I. @o'e. 5o .4 I %a'e my han# in the air li"ehe #oes sometimes to emphasi)e my point. 2More than . . . eyesight& spa!e& orliberty.4, His eyes %i#en. 2A #a ghter$s lo'e.4 He gi'es me an ironi! smile. 21o&4 I la gh& #espite myself. 2It$s the only B ote that !ame to min#.4 2Ma# Fing @ear.4 2Dear& #ear Ma# Fing @ear.4 I !aress his fa!e& an# he leans into my to !h&!losing his eyes. 2-o l# yo !hange yo r name to 3hristian Steele so e'eryone%o l# "no% that yo belong to me.4 3hristian$s eyes fly open& an# he ga)es at me as if I$'e = st sai# the %orl# isflat. He fro%ns. 2>elong to yo .4 he m rm rs& testing the %or#s. 2Mine.4 25o rs&4 he says& repeating the %or#s %e spo"e in the playroom only yester< #ay. 25es& I %o l#. If it meant that m !h to yo .4 /h my. 2Does it mean that m !h to yo .4 25es.4 He is neB i'o!al. 2/"ay.4 I %ill #o this for him. 0i'e him the reass ran!e he still nee#s. 2I tho ght yo $# alrea#y agree# to this.4 25es I ha'e& b t no% %e$'e #is! sse# it f rther& I$m happier %ith

my#e!ision.4 2/h&4 he m tters& s rprise#. (hen he smiles his bea tif l& boyish yes<I<am<really<"in#a<yo ng smile& an# he ta"es my breath a%ay. 0rabbing me by my%aist& he s%ings me aro n#. I sB eal an# start to giggle& an# I #on$t "no% if he$s= st happy or relie'e# or . . . %hat. 2Mrs. 0rey& #o yo "no% %hat this means to me.4 2I #o no%.4 He leans #o%n an# "isses me& his fingers mo'ing into my hair& hol#ing me inpla!e. 2It means se'en sha#es of S n#ay&4 he m rm rs against my lips& an# he r nshis nose along mine. 25o thin".4 I lean ba!" to ga)e at him. ,7E. ,77+55, 23ertain promises %ere ma#e. An offer e9ten#e#& a #eal bro"ere#&4 he %his<pers& his eyes spar"ling %ith %i!"e# #elight. 2?m . . .4 I am still reeling& trying to follo% his moo#. 25o reneging on me.4 he as"s n!ertainly& an# a spe! lati'e loo" !rosseshis fa!e. 2I ha'e an i#ea&4 he a##s. /h& %hat "in"y f !"ery is this. 2A really important matter to atten# to&4 he !ontin es& s ##enly all serio son!e more. 25es& Mrs. 0rey. A matter of the gra'est importan!e.4 Hang on;he$s la ghing at me. 2-hat.4 I breathe. 2I nee# yo to ! t my hair. Apparently it$s o'erlong& an# my %ife #oesn$tli"e it.4 2I !an$t ! t yo r hair!4 25es yo !an.4 3hristian grins an# sha"es his hea# so his o'erlong hair !o'<ers his eyes. 2-ell& if Mrs. Dones has a p ##ing bo%l.4 I giggle. He la ghs. 2/"ay& goo# point %ell ma#e. I$ll get Fran!o to #o it.4 1o! Fran!o %or"s for her. Maybe I !o l# gi'e him a trim. After all& I ! tRay$s hair for years& an# he ne'er !omplaine#. 23ome.4 I grab his han#. His eyes %i#en. I lea# him all the %ay to o r bath<room %here I release him an# grab the %hite %oo#en !hair that stan#s in the!orner. I pla!e it in front of the sin". -hen I loo" at 3hristian& he$s ga)ing at me%ith ill<#isg ise# am sement& th mbs t !"e# in the front belt loops of his pantsb t his eyes are smo"ing hot. 2Sit.4 I gest re to the empty !hair& trying to maintain the pper han#. 2Are yo going to %ash my hair.4 I no#. He ar!hes one bro% in s rprise& an# for a moment I thin" he$s going toba!" #o%n. 2/"ay.4 Slo%ly he begins to n#o ea!h b tton of his %hite shirt& start<ing %ith the one beneath his throat. 1imble& #eft fingers mo'e to ea!h b tton int rn ntil his shirt hangs open. /h my . . . My inner go##ess pa ses in her !elebratory =a nt aro n# the arena. 3hristian hol#s o t a ! ff %ith an 2 n#o this no%4 gest re& an# his mo tht%it!hes in that !hallenging& se9y %ay he has. /h& ! fflin"s. I ta"e his proffere# %rist an# remo'e the first one& a platin m#is! %ith his initials engra'e# in a simple itali! s!ript;an# then remo'e its ,74. ,7:+55,mat!hing t%in. As I finish I glan!e at him& an# his am se# e9pression is gone& re<pla!e# by something hotter . . . m !h hotter. I rea!h p an# p sh his shirt off hissho l#ers& letting it fall to the floor. 2Rea#y.4 I %hisper. 2For %hate'er yo %ant& Ana.4 My eyes stray from his eyes to his lips. 6arte# so that he !an inhale more#eeply. S! lpt re#& !hisele#& %hate'er& it is a bea tif l mo th an# he "no%s e9<a!tly %hat to #o %ith it. I fin# myself leaning p to "iss him. 21o&4 he says an# pla!es both of his han#s on my sho l#ers. 2Don$t. If yo #o that& I$ll ne'er get my hair ! t.4 /h!2I %ant this&4 he !ontin es. An# his eyes are ro n# an# ra% for some in<e9pli!able reason. It$s #isarming. 2-hy.4 I %hisper. He stares at me for a beat& an# his eyes gro% %i#er. 2>e!a se it$ll ma"e mefeel !herishe#.4 My heart pra!ti!ally

l r!hes to a halt. /h& 3hristian . . . my Fifty. An# beforeI "no% it I$'e !ir!le# him in my arms& an# I "iss his !hest before n ))ling my!hee" into his ti!"ly !hest hair. 2Ana. My Ana&4 he %hispers. He %raps his arms aro n# me an# %e stan# im<mobile& hol#ing ea!h other in o r bathroom. /h& ho% I lo'e to be in his arms.E'en if he is an o'erbearing& megalomania! arse& he$s my o'erbearing megaloma<nia! arse in nee# of a lifetime #ose of (@3. I lean ba!" %itho t releasing him. 25o really %ant me to #o this.4 He no#s an# gi'es me his shy smile. I grin ba!" at him an# step o t of hisembra!e. 2(hen sit&4 I repeat. He # tif lly #oes& sitting %ith his ba!" to the sin". I ta"e off my shoes an#"i!" them o'er to %here his shirt lies !r mple# on the bathroom floor. From thesho%er I retrie'e his 3hanel shampoo. -e bo ght it in Fran!e. 2-o l# sir li"e this.4 I hol# it p in both han#s li"e I$m selling it on OC3.2Han#<#eli'ere# from the So th of Fran!e. I li"e the smell of this . . . it smells ofyo &4 I a## in a %hisper& slipping o t of my tele'ision presenter mo#e. 26lease.4 He grins. I grab a small to%el off the to%el %armer. Mrs. Dones s re "no%s ho% to"eep the to%els s per<soft. ,75. ,7*+55, 2@ean for%ar#&4 I or#er an# 3hristian !omplies. Draping the to%el aro n# hissho l#ers& I then t rn on the taps an# fill the sin" %ith a mi9 of %arm %ater. 2@ean ba!".4 /h& I li"e being in !harge. 3hristian leans ba!"& b t he$s tootall. He shifts the seat for%ar# then tilts ba!" the entire !hair ntil the top restsagainst the sin". 6erfe!t #istan!e. He tips ba!" his hea#. >ol# eyes ga)e p at me&an# I smile. (a"ing one of the #rin"ing glasses %e "eep on the 'anity& I #ip it intothe %ater an# tip it o'er 3hristian$s hea#& soa"ing his hair. I repeat the pro!ess&leaning o'er him. 25o smell so goo#& Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs an# !loses his eyes. As I metho#i!ally %et his hair& I freely ga)e at him. Holy !o%. -ill I e'er tireof this. @ong #ar" lashes fan a!ross his !hee"sH his lips part a little& !reating asmall& #ar" #iamon# shape& an# he inhales softly. Hmm . . . ho% I long to po"emy tong e; I splash %ater into his eyes. Shit! 2Sorry!4 He grabs the !orner of the to%el an# la ghs as he %ipes the %ater o t of hiseyes. 2Hey& I "no% I$m an arse& b t #on$t #ro%n me.4 I lean #o%n an# "iss his forehea#& giggling. 2Don$t tempt me.4 He ! rls his han# behin# my hea# an# shifts so that he !apt res my lips %ithhis. He "isses me briefly& ma"ing a lo% !ontente# so n# in his throat. (he noise!onne!ts to the m s!les #eep in my belly. It$s a 'ery se# !ti'e so n#. He releasesme an# lies ba!" obe#iently& ga)ing p at me %ith e9pe!tation. For a moment heloo"s ' lnerable& li"e a !hil#. It t gs at my heart. I sB irt some shampoo into my palm an# massage it into his s!alp& beginningat his temples an# %or"ing o'er the top of his hea# an# #o%n the si#es& !ir!lingmy fingers rhythmi!ally. He !loses his eyes again an# ma"es that lo% h mmingso n# again. 2(hat feels goo#&4 he says after a moment an# rela9es beneath the firm to !hof my fingers. 25es it #oes.4 I "iss his forehea# on!e more. 2I li"e it %hen yo s!rat!h my s!alp %ith yo r fingernails.4 His eyes are still!lose#& b t his e9pression one of blissf l !ontentment;no tra!e of his ' lnerabil<ity remains. Dee)& ho% m !h his moo# has !hange#& an# I ta"e !omfort "no%ingit$s me that$s #one this.

,77. ,78+55, 2Hea# p&4 I !omman# an# he obeys. Hmm;a girl !o l# get se# to this. Ir b the s #s into the ba!" of his hair& s!raping my nails into his s!alp. 2>a!".4 He leans ba!"& an# I rinse off the lather& sing the glass. (his time I managenot to splash him. 2/n!e more.4 I as". 26lease.4 His eyes fl tter open an# his serene ga)e fin#s mine. I grin #o%n athim. 23oming right p& Mr. 0rey.4 I t rn to the sin" that 3hristian normally ses an# fill it %ith %arm %ater. 2For rinsing&4 I say %hen his loo" t rns B i))i!al. I repeat the pro!ess %ith the shampoo& listening to his e'en #eep breaths./n!e he$s all lathere# p& I ta"e another moment to appre!iate the fine fa!e of myh sban#. I !annot resist him. (en#erly& I !aress his !hee"& an# he opens his eyes&%at!hing me almost sleepily thro gh his long lashes. @eaning for%ar# I plant asoft& !haste "iss on his lips. He smiles& !loses his eyes& an# breathes o t a sigh of tter !ontentment. Dee). -ho %o l# ha'e tho ght after o r arg ment this afternoon he !o l# bethis rela9e#. -itho t se9. I lean right o'er him. 2Hmm&4 he m rm rs appre!iati'ely as my breasts br sh his fa!e. Resistingthe rge to shimmy& I p ll the pl g so the s #sy %ater #rains a%ay. His han#smo'e to my hips an# aro n# to my behin#. 21o fon#ling the help&4 I m rm r& feigning #isappro'al. 2Don$t forget I$m #eaf&4 he says& "eeping his eyes !lose#& as he r ns hishan#s #o%n past my behin# an# starts to hit!h p my s"irt. I s%at his arm. I$m en<=oying playing hair#resser. He grins& big an# boyish& li"e I$'e !a ght him #oingsomething illi!it that he$s se!retly pro # of. I rea!h for the glass again& b t this time se the %ater from the neighboringsin" to !aref lly rinse all the shampoo from his hair. I !ontin e to lean o'er him&an# he "eeps his han#s on my ba!"si#e& thr mming his fingers ba!" an# for%ar#& p an# #o%n . . . ba!" an# forth . . . hmm. I %iggle. He gro%ls lo% in his throat. 2(here. All rinse#.4 20oo#&4 he #e!lares. His fingers tighten on my behin#& an# all at on!e he sits p& his soa"e# hair #ripping all o'er him. He p lls me #o%n onto his lap& hishan#s mo'ing from my behin# p to the nape of my ne!"& then to my !hin& ,7:. ,:0+55,hol#ing me in pla!e. I gasp %ith s rprise an# his lips are on mine& his tong e hotan# har# in my mo th. My fingers ! rl aro n# his %et hair& an# #rops of %aterr n #o%n my armsH an# as he #eepens the "iss& his hair bathes my fa!e. His han#mo'es from my !hin #o%n to the top b tton of my blo se. 2Eno gh of this primping. I %ant to f !" yo se'en sha#es of S n#ay& an#%e !an #o it in here or in the be#room. 5o #e!i#e.4 3hristian$s eyes bla)e& hot an# f ll of promise& his hair #ripping %ater onto sboth. My mo th goes #ry. 2-hat$s it to be& Anastasia.4 he as"s as he hol#s in his lap. 25o $re %et&4 I respon#. He ben#s his hea# s ##enly& r nning his #ripping hair all #o%n the front ofmy blo se. I sB eal an# try to %riggle off him. He tightens his grip aro n# me. 2/h& no yo #on$t& baby&4 he m rm rs. -hen he raises his hea# he$s grinningsala!io sly at me& an# I am Miss -et >lo se A0,,. My top is soa"e# an# totallysee<thro gh. I$m %et . . . e'ery%here. 2@o'e the 'ie%&4 he m rm rs an# leans #o%n to r n his nose aro n# an#aro n# one %et nipple. I sB irm. 2Ans%er me& Ana. Here or the be#room.4 2Here&4 I %hisper franti!ally. (o hell %ith the hair! t;I$ll #o it later. Hesmiles slo%ly& his lips ! rling into a sens o s smile f ll of li!entio s promise. 20oo# !hoi!e& Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs against my lips. He releases

my !hinan# his han# mo'es to my "nee. It gli#es smoothly p my leg& lifting my s"irt an#s"ating o'er my s"in& ma"ing me tingle. His lips trail soft "isses from the base ofmy ear along my =a%. 2/h& %hat shall I #o to yo .4 he %hispers. His fingers halt at my sto!"ingtops. 2I li"e these&4 he says. He r ns a finger n#erneath the top an# s"ims itaro n# to my inner thigh. I gasp an# sB irm on!e more in his lap. He groans& lo% in his throat. 2If I$m going to f !" yo se'en sha#es ofS n#ay& I %ant yo to "eep still.4 2Ma"e me&4 I !hallenge& my 'oi!e soft an# breathy. 3hristian inhales sharply. He narro%s his eyes an# regar#s me %ith a hot&hoo#e# e9pression. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey. 5o ha'e only to as".4 His han# mo'es from my sto!"ingtops p to my panties. 2@et$s #i'est yo of these.4 He t gs gently an# I shift tohelp him. His breath hisses thro gh his teeth as I #o. ,7*. ,:,+55, 2Feep still&4 he gr mbles. 2I$m helping&4 I po t& an# he sei)es my lo%er lip gently bet%een his teeth. 2Still&4 he gro%ls. He sli#es my panties #o%n my legs an# off. ( gging mys"irt p so that it$s b n!he# aro n# my hips& he mo'es both han#s to my %aistan# lifts me. He still has my panties in his han#. 2Sit. Astri#e me&4 he or#ers staring intently into my eyes. I shift& stra##linghim& an# regar# him pro'o!ati'ely. >ring it on& Fifty! 2Mrs. 0rey&4 he %arns 2Are yo goa#ing me.4 He ga)es at me& am se# b taro se#. It$s a se# !ti'e !ombination. 25es. -hat are yo going to #o abo t it.4 His eyes light p %ith sala!io s #elight at my !hallenge& an# I feel his aro salbeneath me. 23lasp yo r han#s together behin# yo r ba!".4 /h! I !omply obe#iently an#& he #eftly bin#s my %rists together %ith mypanties. 2My panties. Mr. 0rey& yo ha'e no shame&4 I a#monish. 21ot %here yo $re !on!erne#& Mrs. 0rey& b t yo "no% that.4 His loo" is in<tense an# hot. 6 tting his han#s aro n# my %aist& he shifts me so I am sitting alittle f rther ba!" on his lap. -ater still #rips #o%n his ne!" an# o'er his !hest. I%ant to ben# for%ar# an# li!" the #rips off& b t it$s tri!"ier no% that I amrestraine#. 3hristian !aresses both of my thighs an# s"ims his han#s #o%n to my "nees.0ently he p shes them f rther apart an# %i#ens his o%n legs& hol#ing me in thatposition. His fingers mo'e to the b ttons of my blo se. 2I #on$t thin" %e nee# this&4 he says. He starts metho#i!ally n#oing ea!hb tton on my !linging %et blo se& his eyes ne'er lea'ing mine. (hey get #ar"eran# #ar"er as he finishes the tas"& ta"ing his o%n s%eet time abo t it. My p lseB i!"ens an# my breathing shallo%s. I !an$t belie'e it;he$s har#ly to !he# me&an# I feel li"e this;hot& bothere# . . . rea#y. I %ant to sB irm. He lea'es my #ampblo se hanging open an# sing both han#s& he !aresses my fa!e %ith his fingers&his th mb s"imming a!ross my bottom lip. S ##enly& he thr sts his th mb intomy mo th. 2S !"&4 he or#ers in a %hisper& stressing the S. I !lose my mo th aro n# himan# #o e9a!tly that. /h . . . I li"e this game. He tastes goo#. -hat else %o l# Ili"e to s !". (he m s!les in my belly !len!h at the tho ght. His lips part %hen Is!rape my teeth an# bite the soft pa# of his th mb. ,78. ,:A+55, He groans an# slo%ly e9tra!ts his %et th mb from my mo th an# trails it#o%n my !hin& #o%n my throat& o'er my stern m. He hoo"s it into the ! p of mybra an# yan"s the ! p #o%n& freeing my breast. 3hristian$s

ga)e ne'er lea'es mine. He$s %at!hing ea!h rea!tion that histo !h eli!its from me& an# I$m %at!hing him. It$s hot. 3ons ming. 6ossessi'e. Ilo'e it. He mirrors his a!tions %ith his other han# so both my breasts are free an#&! pping them gently& he s"ims ea!h th mb o'er a nipple& !ir!ling slo%ly& teasingan# ta nting ea!h one so that they har#en an# #isten# beneath his s"illf l to !h. Itry& I really try not to mo'e& b t my nipples are hot%ire# to my groin& so I moanan# thro% my hea# ba!"& !losing my eyes an# s rren#ering to the s%eet& s%eettort re. 2Shh.4 3hristian$s soothing 'oi!e is at o##s %ith the teasing& e'en<temporhythm of his %i!"e# fingers. 2Still& baby& still.4 Releasing one breast& he rea!hes p behin# me an# splays his han# aro n# the nape of my ne!". @eaning for%ar#&he ta"es my no% bereft nipple into his mo th an# s !"s har#& his %et hair ti!"lingme. At the same time& his th mb stops s"imming a!ross my other elongate#nipple. Instea#& he ta"es it bet%een his th mb an# forefinger an# t gs an# t%ists itgently. 2Ah! 3hristian!4 I groan an# b !" for%ar# on his lap. > t he #oesn$t stop. He!ontin es the slo%& leis rely& agoni)ing tease. An# my bo#y is b rning as thepleas re ta"es a #ar"er t rn. 23hristian& please&4 I %himper. 2Hmm&4 he h ms lo% in his !hest. 2I %ant yo to !ome li"e this.4 My nipplegets a brief respite as his %or#s !aress my s"in& an# it$s li"e he$s !alling to a #eep&#ar" part of my psy!he that only he "no%s. -hen he res mes %ith his teeth thistime& the pleas re is almost intolerable. Moaning lo #ly& I %rithe on his lap& tryingto fin# some pre!io s fri!tion against his pants. I p ll selessly against my re<straining panties& it!hing to to !h him& b t I$m lost;lost in this trea!hero ssensation. 26lease&4 I %hisper& plea#ing& an# pleas re flies thro gh my bo#y& from myne!"& right #o%n to my legs& to my toes& tightening all in its %a"e. 25o ha'e s !h bea tif l breasts& Ana.4 He groans. 2/ne #ay I$ll f !" them.4 -hat the hell #oes that mean. /pening my eyes& I gape #o%n at him as hes !"les me& my s"in singing n#er his to !h. I no longer feel my so##en blo se&his %et hair . . . nothing e9!ept the b rn. An# it b rns #eli!io sly hot an# lo%& ,:0. ,:E+55,#eep insi#e me& an# all tho ght e'aporates as my bo#y tightens an# !len!hes . . .rea#y& rea!hing . . . pining for release. An# he #oesn$t stop ;teasing& p lling&#ri'ing me %il#. I %ant . . . I %ant . . . 2@et go&4 he breathes;an# I #o& lo #ly& my orgasm !on' lsing thro gh mybo#y& an# he stops his s%eet tort re an# %raps his arms aro n# me& !l t!hing meto him as my bo#y spirals #o%n from my !lima9. -hen I open my eyes& he is ga)<ing #o%n at me %here I rest against his !hest. 20o#& I lo'e to %at!h yo !ome& Ana.4 His 'oi!e is f ll of %on#er. 2(hat %as . . .4 -or#s fail me. 2I "no%.4 He leans for%ar# an# "isses me& his han# still at the nape of myne!"& hol#ing me = st so& angling my hea# so he !an "iss me #eeply;%ith lo'e&%ith re'eren!e. I am lost in his "iss. He p lls a%ay to #ra% breath& his eyes the !olor of a tropi!al storm. 21o% I$m going to f !" yo & har#&4 he m rm rs. Holy !o%. 0rabbing me aro n# the %aist& he lifts me from his thighs #o%n tothe e#ge of his "nees an# rea!hes %ith his right han# for the b tton on the %aist<ban# of his na'y pants. He r ns the fingers of his left han# p an# #o%n my thigh&stopping at my sto!"ing tops ea!h time. He$s %at!hing me intently. -e$re fa!e tofa!e an# I$m helpless& tr sse# p in my bra an# by my

panties& an# this has to beone of the most intimate times %e$'e ha#;me sitting on his lap& staring into hisbea tif l gray eyes. It ma"es me feel %anton& b t also so !onne!te# to him;I amnot embarrasse# or shy. (his is 3hristian& my h sban#& my lo'er& my o'erbearingmegalomania!& my Fifty; the lo'e of my life. He rea!hes for his )ipper& an# mymo th goes #ry as his ere!tion springs free. He smir"s. 25o li"e.4 he %hispers. 2Hmm&4 I m rm r appre!iati'ely. He %raps his han# aro n# himself an#mo'es it p an# #o%n . . . /h my. I ga)e p at him thro gh my lashes. F !"& he$sso se9y. 25o $re biting yo r lip& Mrs. 0rey.4 2(hat$s be!a se I$m h ngry.4 2H ngry.4 His mo th opens in s rprise& an# his eyes %i#en a fra!tion. 2Hmm . . .4 I agree an# li!" my lips. He gi'es me his enigmati! smile an# bites his lo%er lip as he !ontin es tostro"e himself. -hy is the sight of my h sban# pleas ring himself s !h a t rn<on. ,:,. ,:4+55, 2I see. 5o sho l# ha'e eaten yo r #inner.4 His tone is mo!"ing an# !ensori<o s at on!e. 2> t maybe I !an oblige.4 He p ts his han#s on my %aist. 2Stan#&4he says softly& an# I "no% %hat he$s going to #o. I get to my feet& my legs nolonger sha"ing. 2Fneel.4 I #o as I$m tol# an# "neel #o%n on the !ool tile# floor of the bathroom. Hesli#es for%ar# on the seat of the !hair. 2Fiss me&4 he tters hol#ing his ere!tion. I glan!e p at him& an# he r ns histong e o'er his top teeth. It$s aro sing& 'ery aro sing& to see his #esire& his na"e##esire for me an# my mo th. @eaning for%ar#& my eyes on his& I "iss the tip of hisere!tion. I %at!h him inhale sharply an# !len!h his teeth. 3hristian ! ps the si#eof my hea#& an# I r n my tong e o'er the tip& tasting the small bea# of #e% on theen#. Hmm . . . he tastes goo#. His mo th #rops open f rther as he gasps an# Ipo n!e& p lling him into my mo th an# s !"ing har#. 2Ah;4 (he air hisses thro gh his teeth& an# he fle9es his hips for%ar#&thr sting into my mo th. > t I #on$t stop. Sheathing my teeth behin# my lips& Ip sh #o%n an# then p ll p on him. He mo'es both han#s so that he f lly ! psmy hea#& b rying his fingers in my hair an# slo%ly eases himself in an# o t of mymo th& his breathing B i!"ening& gro%ing harsher. I t%irl my tong e aro n# histip an# p sh #o%n again in perfe!t !o nterpoint to him. 2Des s& Ana.4 He sighs an# s!re%s his eyes tightly. He$s lost an# it$s hea#y&his response to me. Me. My inner go##ess !o l# light p Es!ala& she$s so thrille#.An# 'ery slo%ly I #ra% my lips ba!"& so it$s = st my teeth. 2Ah!4 3hristian stops mo'ing. @eaning for%ar# he grabs me an# p lls me ponto his lap. 2Eno gh!4 he gro%ls. Rea!hing behin# me& he frees my han#s %ith one t gon my panties. I fle9 my %rists an# stare from n#er my lashes into s!or!hingeyes that ga)e ba!" at me %ith lo'e an# longing an# l st. An# I reali)e it$s methat %ants to f !" him se'en sha#es of S n#ay. I %ant him ba#ly. I %ant to %at!hhim !ome apart beneath me. I grab his ere!tion an# s!oot o'er him. 6la!ing myother han# on his sho l#er& 'ery gently an# slo%ly& I ease myself onto him. Hema"es a g tt ral& feral noise #eep in his throat an#& rea!hing p& p lls off myblo se letting it fall to the floor. His han#s mo'e to my hips. 2Still&4 he rasps& his han#s #igging into my flesh. 26lease& let me sa'or this.Sa'or yo .4

,:A. ,:5+55, I stop. /h my . . . he feels so goo# insi#e me. He !aresses my fa!e& his eyes%i#e an# %il#& his lips parte# as he breathes. He fle9es beneath me an# I moan&!losing my eyes. 2(his is my fa'orite pla!e&4 he %hispers. 2Insi#e yo . Insi#e my %ife.4 /h f !". 3hristian. I !annot hol# ba!". My fingers gli#e into his %et hair& mylips see" his& an# I start to mo'e. ?p an# #o%n on my toes& sa'oring him& sa'or<ing me. He groans lo #ly& an# his han#s are in my hair an# aro n# my ba!"& an#his tong e in'a#es my mo th gree#ily& ta"ing all that I %illingly gi'e. After allo r arg ing to#ay& my fr stration %ith him& his %ith me;%e still ha'e this. -e%ill al%ays ha'e this. I lo'e him so m !h& it$s almost o'er%helming. His han#smo'e to my ba!"si#e an# he !ontrols me& mo'ing me p an# #o%n& again an#again& at his pa!e;his hot& sli!" tempo. 2Ah&4 I groan helplessly into his mo th as I$m !arrie# a%ay. 25es. 5es& Ana&4 he hisses& an# I rain "isses on his fa!e& his !hin& his =a%& hisne!". 2>aby&4 he breathes& !apt ring my mo th on!e more. 2/h& 3hristian& I lo'e yo . I %ill al%ays lo'e yo .4 I$m breathless& %antinghim to "no%& %anting him to be s re of me after o r battle of %ills to#ay. He moans lo #ly an# %raps his arms aro n# me tightly as he !lima9es %ith amo rnf l sob& an# it$s eno gh;eno gh to p sh me o'er the brin" on!e more. I!l t!h my arms aro n# his hea# an# let go& an# I !ome aro n# him& tears spring<ing to my eyes be!a se I lo'e him so.2Hey&4 he %hispers& tipping my !hin ba!" an# ga)ing at me %ith B iet !on!ern.2-hy are yo !rying. Di# I h rt yo .4 21o&4 I m tter reass ringly. He smoothes my hair off my fa!e& %ipes a%ay alone tear %ith this th mb an# ten#erly "isses my lips. He is still insi#e me. Heshifts& an# I %in!e as he p lls o t of me. 2-hat$s %rong& Ana. (ell me.4 I sniff. 2It$s = st . . . it$s = st sometimes I$m o'er%helme# by ho% m !h Ilo'e yo &4 I %hisper. After a beat& he smiles his spe!ial shy smile; reser'e# for me& I thin". 25o ha'e the same effe!t on me&4 he %hispers& an# "isses me on!e more. I smile& an#insi#e my =oy nf rls an# stret!hes la)ily. ,:E. ,:7+55, 2Do I.4 He smir"s. 25o "no% yo #o.4 2Sometimes I "no%. 1ot all the time.4 2>a!" at yo & Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers. I grin an# gently pla!e feather<light "isses o'er his !hest. I n ))le his !hesthair. 3hristian !aresses my hair an# r ns a han# #o%n my ba!". He n!lasps mybra an# p lls the strap #o%n one arm. I shift& an# he t gs the strap #o%n the otherarm an# #rops my bra on the floor. 2Hmm. S"in on s"in&4 he m rm rs appre!iati'ely an# fol#s me in his armsagain. He "isses my sho l#er an# r ns his nose p to my ear. 25o smell li"ehea'en& Mrs. 0rey.4 2So #o yo & Mr. 0rey.4 I n ))le him again an# inhale his 3hristian smell&%hi!h is no% mi9e# %ith the hea#y s!ent of se9. I !o l# stay %rappe# in his armsli"e this& sate# an# happy& fore'er. It$s = st %hat I nee# after a f ll #ay of ba!"<to< %or"& arg ing& an# bit!h slapping. (his is %here I %ant to be& an# in spite of his!ontrol frea"ery& his megalomania& this is %here I belong. 3hristian b ries hisnose in my hair an# inhales #eeply. I let o t a !ontente# sigh& an# I feel his smile.An# %e sit& arms !laspe# aro n# ea!h other& saying nothing. E'ent ally reality intr #es. 2It$s late&4 3hristian says& his fingers metho#i!ally stro"ing my ba!". 25o r hair still nee#s ! tting.4 He !h !"les. 2(hat it #oes& Mrs. 0rey. Do yo ha'e the energy to finish the=ob yo starte#.4 2For yo & Mr. 0rey& anything.4 I "iss his !hest on!e more an#

rel !tantlystan#. 2Don$t go.4 0rabbing my hips& he t rns me aro n#. He straightens then n<#oes my s"irt& letting it #rop to the floor. He hol#s his han# o t to me. I ta"e it an#step o t of my s"irt. 1o% I am #resse# solely in sto!"ings an# garter belt. 25o are a mighty fine sight& Mrs. 0rey.4 He sits ba!" in the !hair an#!rosses his arms& gi'ing me a f ll an# fran" appraisal. I hol# o t my han#s an# t%irl for him. 20o#& I$m a l !"y son of a bit!h&4 he says a#miringly. 25es& yo are.4 He grins. 26 t my shirt on an# yo !an ! t my hair. @i"e this& yo $ll #istra!tme& an# %e$ll ne'er get to be#.4 ,:4. ,::+55, I !an$t help my ans%ering smile. Fno%ing that he$s %at!hing my e'erymo'e& I sashay o'er to %here %e left my shoes an# his shirt. >en#ing slo%ly& Irea!h #o%n& pi!" p his shirt& smell it;hmm;then shr g it on. 3hristian$s eyes are ro n#. He$s re#one his fly an# is %at!hing me intently. 2(hat$s B ite a floor sho%& Mrs. 0rey.4 2Do %e ha'e any s!issors.4 I as" inno!ently& batting my eyelashes. 2My st #y&4 he !roa"s. 2I$ll go sear!h.4 @ea'ing him& I %al" into o r be#room an# grab my !ombfrom the #ressing table before hea#ing to his st #y. As I enter the main !orri#or& Inoti!e the #oor to (aylor$s offi!e is open. Mrs. Dones is stan#ing = st beyon# the#oor. I stop& roote# to the spot. (aylor is r nning his fingers #o%n her fa!e an# smiling s%eetly at her. (henhe leans #o%n an# "isses her. Holy shit! (aylor an# Mrs. Dones. I gape in astonishment;I mean& Itho ght . . . %ell& I "in# of s spe!te#. > t ob'io sly they are together! I fl sh&feeling li"e a 'oye r& an# manage to get my feet to mo'e. I s!amper a!ross thegreat room an# into 3hristian$s st #y. S%it!hing on the light& I %al" to his #es".(aylor an# Mrs. Dones . . . -o%! I$m reeling. I al%ays tho ght Mrs. Dones %asol#er than (aylor. /h& I ha'e to get my hea# aro n# this. I open the top #ra%eran# am imme#iately #istra!te# %hen I fin# a g n. 3hristian has a g n! A re'ol'er. Holy f !"! I ha# no i#ea 3hristian o%ne# a g n. I ta"e it o t& slipthe release an# !he!" the !ylin#er. It$s f lly loa#e#& b t light . . . too light. It m stbe !arbon fiber. -hat #oes 3hristian %ant %ith a g n. Dee)& I hope he "no%s ho%to se it. Ray$s perpet al %arnings abo t han#g ns r n B i!"ly thro gh my min#.His army training %as ne'er lost. (hese %ill "ill yo & Ana. 5o nee# to "no% %hatyo $re #oing %hen yo $re han#ling a firearm. I p t the g n ba!" an# fin# the s!is<sors. Retrie'ing them B i!"ly& I bolt ba!" to 3hristian& my hea# b ))ing. (ayloran# Mrs. Dones . . . the re'ol'er . . . At the entran!e to the great room& I r n into (aylor. 2Mrs. 0rey& e9! se me.4 His fa!e re##ens as he B i!"ly ta"es in my attire. 2?m& (aylor& hi . . . m. I$m ! tting 3hristian$s hair!4 I bl rt o t& embar<rasse#. (aylor is as mortifie# as I am. He opens his mo th to say something then!loses it B i!"ly an# stan#s asi#e. 2After yo & ma$am&4 he says formally. I thin" I$m the !olor of my ol# A #i&the s bmissi'e spe!ial. Dee). 3o l# this be more embarrassing. ,:5. ,:*+55, 2(han" yo &4 I m tter an# #ash #o%n the hall%ay. 3rap! -ill I e'er get se#to the fa!t that %e$re not alone. I #ash into the bathroom& breathless. 2-hat$s %rong.4 3hristian is stan#ing in front of the mirror& hol#ing myshoes. All of my s!attere# !lothes are no% neatly pile# besi#e the sin". 2I = st ran into (aylor.4 2/h.4 3hristian fro%ns. 2Dresse# li"e that.4

/h shit! 2(hat$s not (aylor$s fa lt.4 3hristian$s fro%n #eepens. 21o. > t still.4 2I$m #resse#.4 2>arely.4 2I #on$t "no% %ho %as more embarrasse#& me or him.4 I try my #istra!tionte!hniB e. 2Di# yo "no% he an# 0ail are . . . %ell& together.4 3hristian la ghs. 25es& of !o rse I "ne%.4 2An# yo ne'er tol# me.4 2I tho ght yo "ne%& too.4 21o.4 2Ana& they$re a# lts. (hey li'e n#er the same roof. >oth natta!he#. >othattra!ti'e.4 I fl sh& feeling foolish for not ha'ing noti!e#. 2-ell& if yo p t it li"e that . . . I = st tho ght 0ail %as ol#er than (aylor.4 2She is& b t not by m !h.4 He ga)es at me& perple9e#. 2Some men li"e ol#er%omen;4 He stops abr ptly an# his eyes %i#en. I s!o%l at him. 2I "no% that&4 I snap. 3hristian loo"s !ontrite. He smiles fon#ly at me. 5es! My #istra!tion te!h<niB e s !!essf l! My s b!ons!io s rolls her eyes at me;b t at %hat !ost. 1o%the nmentionable Mrs. Robinson is looming o'er s. 2(hat remin#s me&4 he says& brightly. 2-hat.4 I m tter pet lantly. 0rabbing the !hair& I t rn it to fa!e the mirrorabo'e the sin"s. 2Sit&4 I or#er. 3hristian regar#s me %ith in# lgent am sement&b t #oes as he$s tol# an# sits ba!" #o%n in the !hair. I start to !omb thro gh hisno% merely #amp hair. 2I %as thin"ing %e !o l# !on'ert the rooms o'er the garages for them at thene% pla!e&4 3hristian !ontin es. 2Ma"e it a home. (hen maybe (aylor$s #a ghter!o l# stay %ith him more often.4 He %at!hes me !aref lly in the mirror. 2-hy #oesn$t she stay here.4 ,:7. ,:8+55, 2(aylor$s ne'er as"e# me.4 26erhaps yo sho l# offer. > t %e$# ha'e to beha'e o rsel'es.4 3hristian$s bro% f rro%s. 2I ha#n$t tho ght of that.4 26erhaps that$s %hy (aylor hasn$t as"e#. Ha'e yo met her.4 25es. She$s a s%eet thing. Shy. Cery pretty. I pay for her s!hooling.4 /h! I stop !ombing an# stare at him in the mirror. 2I ha# no i#ea.4 He shr gs. 2Seeme# the least I !o l# #o. Also& it means he %on$t B it.4 2I$m s re he li"es %or"ing for yo .4 3hristian stares at me blan"ly then shr gs. 2I #on$t "no%.4 2I thin" he$s 'ery fon# of yo & 3hristian.4 I res me !ombing an# glan!e athim. His eyes #on$t lea'e mine. 25o thin".4 25es. I #o.4 He snorts a #ismissi'e yet !ontent so n# as if he$s se!retly please# that hisstaff may li"e him. 20oo#. -ill yo tal" to 0ia abo t the rooms o'er the garage.4 25es& of !o rse.4 I #on$t feel the same irritation I #i# before at the mention ofher name. My s b!ons!io s no#s sagely at me. 5es . . . %e #one goo# to#ay. Myinner go##ess gloats. 1o% she$ll lea'e my h sban# alone an# not ma"e him n!omfortable. I am rea#y to ! t 3hristian$s hair. 25o s re abo t this. 5o r last !han!e tobail.4 2Do yo r %orst& Mrs. 0rey. I #on$t ha'e to loo" at me& yo #o.4 I grin. 23hristian& I !o l# loo" at yo all #ay.4 He sha"es his hea# e9asperate#. 2It$s = st a pretty fa!e& baby.4 2An# behin# it is a 'ery pretty man.4 I "iss his temple. 2My man.4 He grins shyly. @ifting the first lo!"& I !omb it p%ar# an# snare it bet%een my in#e9 an#mi##le finger. I p t the !omb in my mo th& ta"e the s!issors an# ma"e the firstsnip& ! tting an in!h off the length. 3hristian !loses his eyes an# sits li"e a stat e&sighing !ontente#ly as I !ontin e. /!!asionally he opens his eyes& an# I !at!h him%at!hing me intently. He #oesn$t to !h me %hile I %or"& an# I$m gratef l. Histo !h is . . . #istra!ting. Fifteen min tes later& I$m #one.

,::. ,*0+55, 2Finishe#.4 I$m please# %ith the res lt. He loo"s as hot as e'er& his hair stillfloppy an# se9y . . . = st a bit shorter. 3hristian ga)es at himself in the mirror& loo"ing pleasantly s rprise#. Hegrins. 20reat =ob& Mrs. 0rey.4 He t rns his hea# from si#e to si#e an# sna"es hisarm aro n# me. 6 lling me to him& he "isses an# n ))les my belly. 2(han" yo &4 he says. 2My pleas re.4 I ben# an# "iss him briefly. 2It$s late. >e#.4 He gi'es my behin# a playf l slap. 2Ah! I sho l# !lean p in here.4 (here is hair all o'er the floor. 3hristian fro%ns& as if the tho ght %o l# ne'er ha'e o!! rre# to him. 2/"ay&I$ll get the broom&4 he says %ryly. 2I #on$t %ant yo embarrassing the staff %ithyo r la!" of appropriate attire.4 2Do yo "no% %here the broom is.4 I as" inno!ently. (his stops 3hristian in his tra!"s. 2?m . . . no.4 I la gh. 2I$ll go.4As I !limb into be# an# %ait for 3hristian to =oin me& I refle!t on ho% #ifferentlythis #ay !o l# ha'e en#e#. I %as so ma# at him earlier& an# he %ith me. Ho% am Igoing to #eal %ith this r nning<a<!ompany nonsense. I ha'e no #esire to r n myo%n !ompany. I am not him. I nee# to hea# this off at the pass. 6erhaps I sho l#ha'e a safe %or# for %hen he$s being o'erbearing an# #omineering& for %hen he$sbeing an arse. I giggle. 6erhaps the safe %or# sho l# be arse. I fin# the tho ght'ery appealing. 2-hat.4 he says as he !limbs into be# besi#e me %earing only his pa=amapants. 21othing. D st an i#ea.4 2-hat i#ea.4 He stret!hes o t besi#e me. Here goes nothing. 23hristian& I #on$t thin" I %ant to r n a !ompany.4 He props himself p on his elbo% an# ga)es #o%n at me. 2-hy #o yo saythat.4 2>e!a se it$s not something that has e'er appeale# to me.4 25o $re more than !apable& Anastasia.4 ,:*. ,*,+55, 2I li"e to rea# boo"s& 3hristian. R nning a !ompany %ill ta"e me a%ay fromthat.4 25o !o l# be the !reati'e hea#.4 I fro%n. 25o see&4 he !ontin es& 2r nning a s !!essf l !ompany is all abo t embra<!ing the talent of the in#i'i# als yo ha'e at yo r #isposal. If that$s %here yo rtalents an# yo r interests lie& then yo str !t re the !ompany to enable that. Don$t#ismiss it o t of han#& Anastasia. 5o $re a 'ery !apable %oman. I thin" yo !o l##o anything yo %ante# if yo p t yo r min# to it.4 -hoa! Ho% !an he possibly "no% that I$# be any goo# at this. 2I$m also %orrie# it %ill ta"e p too m !h of my time.4 3hristian fro%ns. 2(ime I !o l# #e'ote to yo .4 I #eploy my se!ret %eapon. His ga)e #ar"ens. 2I "no% %hat yo $re #oing&4 he m rm rs& am se#. Damn it! 2-hat.4 I feign inno!en!e. 25o $re trying to #istra!t me from the iss e at han#. 5o al%ays #o that. D st#on$t #ismiss the i#ea& Ana. (hin" abo t it. (hat$s all I as".4 He leans #o%n an#"isses me !hastely& then s"ims his th mb #o%n my !hee". (his arg ment is goingto r n an# r n. I smile p at him;an# something he sai# earlier to#ay pops n<bi##en into my min#. 23an I as" yo something.4 My 'oi!e is soft& tentati'e. 2/f !o rse.4 2Earlier to#ay yo sai# if I %as angry %ith yo & I sho l# ta"e it o t on yo inbe#. -hat #i# yo mean.4 He stills. 2-hat #i# yo thin" I meant.4 Holy shit! I sho l# = st say it. 2(hat yo %ante# me to tie yo p.4 His eyebro%s shoot p in s rprise. 2?m . . . no. (hat$s not %hat I meant atall.4 2/h.4 I$m s rprise# by my slight t%inge of #isappointment. 25o %ant to tie me p.4 he as"s& ob'io sly rea#ing my e9pression !or<

re!tly. He so n#s sho!"e#. I bl sh. 2-ell . . .4 2Ana& I;4 he stops& an# something #ar" !rosses his fa!e. ,:8. ,*A+55, 23hristian&4 I %hisper& alarme#. I mo'e so that I am lying on my si#e&proppe# p on my elbo% li"e him. I !aress his fa!e. His eyes are large an# fearf l.He sha"es his hea# sa#ly. Shit! 23hristian& stop. It #oesn$t matter. I tho ght that$s %hat yo meant.4 He ta"es my han# an# pla!es it on his po n#ing heart. F !"! -hat is it. 2Ana& I #on$t "no% ho% I$# feel abo t yo to !hing me if I %ere restraine#.4 My s!alp pri!"les. It$s li"e he$s !onfessing something #eep an# #ar". 2(his is still too ne%.4 His 'oi!e is lo% an# ra%. F !". It %as = st a B estion& an# I reali)e that he$s !ome a long %ay& b t hestill has a long %ay to go. /h& Fifty& Fifty& Fifty. An9iety grips my heart. I leano'er an# he free)es& b t I plant a soft "iss at the !orner of his mo th. 23hristian& I got the %rong i#ea. 6lease #on$t %orry abo t it. 6lease #on$tthin" abo t it.4 I "iss him. He !loses his eyes& groans an# re!ipro!ates& p shingme #o%n into the mattress& his han#s !lasping my !hin. An# soon %e$re lost . . .lost in ea!h other again., -illiam Sha"espeare& Fing @ear& REr# e#ition of Sha"espeare$s First Folio& Ete9t TAA77& 6ro=e!t 0 tenb rg&D ly A000S& A!t ,& S!ene ,& httpL++%%%.g tenberg.org+!atalog+%orl#+rea#file. pagenoU8Mf"VfilesU,44*4,4. ,*0. -hen I %a"e before the alarm the follo%ing morning& 3hristian is %rappe#aro n# me li"e i'y& his hea# on my !hest& his arm aro n# my %aist& an# his legbet%een mine. An# he$s on my si#e of the be#. It$s al%ays the same& if %e arg ethe night before& this is ho% he en#s p& !oile# aro n# me& ma"ing me hot an#bothere#. /h& Fifty. He is so nee#y on some le'el. -ho %o l# ha'e tho ght. (he fa<miliar 'ision of 3hristian as a #irty& %ret!he# little boy ha nts me. 0ently& Istro"e his shorter hair an# my melan!holy re!e#es. He stirs& an# his sleepy eyesmeet mine. He blin"s a !o ple of times as he %a"es. ,*,. ,*4+55, 2Hi&4 he m rm rs an# smiles. 2Hi.4 I lo'e %a"ing to that smile. He n ))les my breasts an# h ms appre!iati'ely #eep in his throat. His han#tra'els #o%n from my %aist& s"imming o'er the !ool satin of my nightgo%n. 2-hat a tempting morsel yo are&4 he m tters. 2> t& tempting tho gh yo are&4 he glan!es at the alarm& 2I ha'e to get p.4 He stret!hes o t& ntangles him<self from me& an# rises. I lie ba!"& p t my han#s behin# my hea#& an# en=oy the sho%;3hristianstripping for his sho%er. He is perfe!t. I %o l#n$t !hange a hair on his hea#. 2A#miring the 'ie%& Mrs. 0rey.4 3hristian ar!hes a sar#oni! bro% at me. 2It$s a mighty fine 'ie%& Mr. 0rey.4 He grins an# thro%s his pa=ama pants at me so they almost lan# on my fa!e&b t I !at!h them in time& giggling li"e a s!hoolgirl. -ith a %i!"e# grin& he p llsthe # 'et off& p ts one "nee on the be#& grabs my an"les& an# #rags me to%ar#him so that my night#ress ri#es p. I sB eal& an# he !ra%ls p my bo#y& trailinglittle "isses on my "nee& my thigh . . . my . . . oh . . . 3hristian!20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey&4 Mrs. Dones greets me. I fl sh& embarrasse# remem<bering her tryst %ith (aylor the night before. 20oo#

morning&4 I respon# as she han#s me a ! p of tea. I sit on the bar stoolbesi#e my h sban#& %ho = st loo"s ra#iantL freshly sho%ere#& his hair #amp&%earing a !risp %hite shirt an# that sil'er<gray tie. My fa'orite tie. I ha'e fon#memories of that tie. 2Ho% are yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 he as"s& his eyes %arm. 2I thin" yo "no%& Mr. 0rey.4 I ga)e p at him thro gh my lashes. He smir"s. 2Eat&4 he or#ers. 25o #i#n$t eat yester#ay.4 /h& bossy Fifty! 2(hat$s be!a se yo %ere being an arse.4 Mrs. Dones #rops something that !latters into the sin"& ma"ing me = mp.3hristian seems obli'io s to the noise. Ignoring her& he stares at me impassi'ely. 2Arse or not;eat.4 His tone is serio s. 1o arg ing %ith him. 2/"ay! 6i!"ing p spoon& eating granola&4 I m tter li"e a pet lant teenager. Irea!h for the 0ree" yogh rt an# spoon some onto my !ereal& follo%e# by a ,*A. ,*5+55,han#f l of bl eberries. I glan!e at Mrs. Dones an# she !at!hes my eye. I smile& an#she respon#s %ith a %arm smile of her o%n. She has pro'i#e# me %ith my brea"<fast of !hoi!e intro# !e# to me on o r honeymoon. 2I may ha'e to go to 1e% 5or" later in the %ee".4 3hristian$s anno n!ementinterr pts my re'erie. 2/h.4 2It$ll mean an o'ernight. I %ant yo to !ome %ith me.4 23hristian& I %on$t get the time off.4 He gi'es me his oh<really<b t<I$m<the<boss<stare. I sigh. 2I "no% yo o%n the !ompany& b t I$'e been a%ay for three %ee"s.6lease. Ho% !an yo e9pe!t me to r n the b siness if I$m ne'er there. I$ll be finehere. I$m ass ming yo $ll ta"e (aylor %ith yo & b t Sa%yer an# Ryan %ill behere;4 I stop& be!a se 3hristian is grinning at me. 2-hat.4 I snap. 21othing. D st yo &4 he says. I fro%n. Is he la ghing at me. (hen a nasty tho ght pops into my min#.2Ho% are yo getting to 1e% 5or".4 2(he !ompany =et& %hy.4 2I = st %ante# to !he!" if yo %ere ta"ing 3harlie (ango.4 My 'oi!e is B iet&an# a shi'er r ns #o%n my spine. I remember the last time he fle% his heli!opter.A %a'e of na sea hits me as I re!all the an9io s ho rs I spent %aiting for ne%s.(hat %as possibly the lo%est point in my life. I noti!e Mrs. Dones has stille#& too. Itry to #ismiss the i#ea. 2I %o l#n$t fly to 1e% 5or" in 3harlie (ango. She #oesn$t ha'e that "in# ofrange. >esi#es& she %on$t be ba!" from the engineers for another t%o %ee"s.4 (han" hea'ens. My smile is partly from relief& b t also the "no%le#ge thatthe #emise of 3harlie (ango has o!! pie# a great #eal of 3hristian$s tho ghts an#time o'er the last fe% %ee"s. 2-ell I$m gla# she$s nearly fi9e#& b t;4 I stop. 3an I tell him ho% ner'o sI$ll be %hen he flies ne9t time. 2-hat.4 he as"s as he finishes his omelet. I shr g. 2Ana.4 he says& more sternly. 2I = st . . . yo "no%. @ast time yo fle% in her . . . I tho ght& %e tho ght&yo $#;4 I !an$t finish the senten!e& an# 3hristian$s e9pression softens. ,*E. ,*7+55, 2Hey.4 He !aresses my fa!e %ith the ba!" of his "n !"les. 2(hat %as sabot<age.4 A #ar" e9pression !rosses his fa!e& an# for a moment I %on#er if he "no%s%ho %as responsible. 2I !o l#n$t bear to lose yo &4 I m rm r. 2Fi'e people ha'e been fire# be!a se of that& Ana. It %on$t happen again.4 2Fi'e.4 He no#s& his fa!e serio s. Holy !rap! 2(hat remin#s me. (here$s a g n in yo r #es".4 He fro%ns at my non seB it r an# probably at my a!! satory tone& tho gh I#on$t mean it that %ay. 2It$s @eila$s&4 he says

finally. 2It$s f lly loa#e#.4 2Ho% #o yo "no%.4 His fro%n #eepens. 2I !he!"e# it yester#ay.4 He s!o%ls at me. 2I #on$t %ant yo messing %ith g ns. I hope yo p t thesafety ba!" on.4 I blin" at him& momentarily st pefie#. 23hristian& there$s no safety on that re<'ol'er. Don$t yo "no% anything abo t g ns.4 His eyes %i#en. 2?m . . . no.4 (aylor !o ghs #is!reetly from the entran!e. 3hristian no#s at him. 2-e ha'e to go&4 3hristian says. He stan#s& #istra!te#& an# slips on his gray=a!"et. I follo% him into the hall%ay. He has @eila$s g n. I am st nne# by this ne%s an# briefly %on#er %hat$shappene# to her. Is she still in;%here is it. East some%here. 1e% Hampshire. I!an$t remember. 20oo# morning& (aylor&4 3hristian says. 20oo# morning& Mr. 0rey& Mrs. 0rey.4 He no#s at s both& b t he$s !aref lnot to loo" me in the eye. I$m gratef l& re!alling my state of n#ress %hen %eb mpe# into ea!h other last night. 2I am = st going to br sh my teeth&4 I m tter. 3hristian al%ays br shes histeeth before brea"fast. I #on$t n#erstan# %hy. ,*4. ,*:+55,25o sho l# as" (aylor to tea!h yo ho% to shoot&4 I say as %e tra'el #o%n in theele'ator. 3hristian ga)es #o%n at me& am se#. 2Sho l# I no%.4 he says #ryly. 25es.4 2Anastasia& I #espise g ns. My mom has pat!he# p too many 'i!tims of g n!rime& an# my #a# is 'ehemently antig n. I gre% p %ith their ethos. I s pport atleast t%o g n !ontrol initiati'es here in -ashington.4 2/h. Does (aylor !arry a g n.4 3hristian$s mo th thins. 2Sometimes.4 25o #on$t appro'e.4 I as"& as 3hristian shers me o t of the ele'ator on thegro n# floor. 21o&4 he says& tight<lippe#. 2@et$s = st say that (aylor an# I hol# 'ery #iffer<ent 'ie%s %ith regar# to g n !ontrol.4 I$m %ith (aylor on this. 3hristian hol#s the foyer #oor open for me an# I hea# o t to the !ar. He hasnot let me #ri'e alone to SI6 sin!e he fo n# o t that 3harlie (ango %as sabot<age#. Sa%yer smiles pleasantly& hol#ing the #oor open for me as 3hristian an# I!limb into the !ar. 26lease.4 I rea!h a!ross an# grasp 3hristian$s han#. 26lease %hat.4 2@earn ho% to shoot.4 He rolls his eyes at me. 21o. En# of #is! ssion& Anastasia.4 An# I am a !hil# again to be s!ol#e#. I open my mo th to say something ! t<ting& b t #e!i#e I #on$t %ant to start my %or"#ay in a ba# moo#. I fol# my armsinstea# an# glimpse (aylor regar#ing me in the rear'ie% mirror. He loo"s a%ay&!on!entrating on the roa# in front& b t sha"es his hea# a little& in ob'io sfr stration. Hmm . . . 3hristian #ri'es him !ra)y& too& sometimes. (he tho ght ma"es mesmile& an# my moo# is sa'e#. 2-here is @eila.4 I as" as 3hristian ga)es o t of his %in#o%. 2I tol# yo . She$s in 3onne!ti! t %ith her fol"s.4 He glan!es at me. 2Di# yo !he!". After all& she #oes ha'e long hair. It !o l# ha'e been her#ri'ing the Do#ge.4 25es& I !he!"e#. She$s enrolle# in an art s!hool in Ham#en. She starte# this%ee".4 ,*5. ,**+55, 25o $'e spo"en to her.4 I %hisper& all the bloo# #raining from my fa!e. 3hristian %hips his hea# aro n# at the tone of my 'oi!e. 21o. Flynn has.4 He sear!hes my fa!e for a !l e to my tho ghts. 2I see&4 I m rm r& relie'e#. 2-hat.4 21othing.4 3hristian sighs. 2Ana. -hat is it.4 I shr g& not %anting to a#mit to my irrational =ealo sy. 3hristian !ontin es& 2I$m "eeping tabs on her& !he!"ing that she stays on hersi#e of the !ontinent. She$s better& Ana. Flynn has referre# her to a shrin" in 1e%Ha'en& an# all the reports are

'ery positi'e. She$s al%ays been intereste# in art&so . . .4 He stops& his fa!e still sear!hing mine. An# in that moment I s spe!t thathe is paying for her art !lasses. Do I %ant to "no%. Sho l# I as" him. I mean it$snot as if he !an$t affor# it& b t %hy #oes he feel the obligation. I sigh. 3hristian$sbaggage har#ly !ompares to >ra#ley Fent from biology !lass an# his half<asse#attempts to "iss me. 3hristian rea!hes for my han#. 2Don$t s%eat this& Anastasia&4 he m rm rs& an# I ret rn his reass ringsB ee)e. I "no% he$s #oing %hat he thin"s is right.Mi#morning I ha'e a brea" in meetings. As I pi!" p the phone to !all Fate& I no<ti!e an e<mail from 3hristian.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL FlatteryDateL A g st AE& A0,, 08L54(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0reyI ha'e re!ei'e# three !ompliments on my ne% hair! t. 3ompliments from my staffare ne%. It m st be the ri#i! lo s smile I$m %earing %hene'er I thin" abo t last ,*7. ,*8+55,night. 5o are in#ee# a %on#erf l& talente#& bea tif l %oman.An# all mine.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. I melt rea#ing it.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL (rying to !on!entrate here.DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,0L4*(oL 3hristian 0reyMr. 0reyI am trying to %or" an# #on$t %ant to be #istra!te# by #eli!io s memories.Is no% the time to !onfess that I se# to ! t Ray$s hair reg larly. I ha# no i#ea it%o l# be s !h sef l training.An# yes& I am yo rs an# yo & my #ear o'erbearing h sban# %ho ref ses to e9er!isehis !onstit tional right n#er the se!on# amen#ment to bear arms& are mine. > t#on$t %orry be!a se I shall prote!t yo . Al%ays.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Annie /a"leyDateL A g st AE& A0,, ,0L5E(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0reyI am #elighte# to see yo ha'e spo"en to the I( #ept an# !hange# yo r name. LDI shall sleep safe in my be# "no%ing that my g n< toting %ife sleeps besi#e me. ,*:. ,80+55,3hristian 0rey3E/ M Hoplophobe& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. Hoplophobe. -hat the hell is that.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL @ong %or#sDateL A g st AE& A0,, ,0L5*(oL 3hristian 0reyMr. 0rey/n!e more yo #a))le me %ith yo r ling isti! pro%ess.In fa!t& yo r pro%ess in general& an# I thin" yo "no% %hat I$m referring to.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL 0asp!DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,L0,(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0reyAre yo flirting %ith me.3hristian 0reySho!"e# 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.FromL Anastasia 0rey ,**. ,8,+55,S b=e!tL -o l# yo rather . . .DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,L04(oL 3hristian 0reyI flirte# %ith someone else.Anastasia 0rey>ra'e 3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL 0rrrrrDateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,L08(oL Anastasia 0rey1/!3hristian 0rey6ossessi'e 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL -o% . . .DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,L,4(oL 3hristian 0reyAre yo gro%ling at me. $3a se that$s "in#a hot.Anastasia 0reySB irming Rin a goo# %ayS 3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL >e%are

,*8. ,8A+55,DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,L,7(oL Anastasia 0reyFlirting an# toying %ith me& Mrs. 0rey.I may pay yo a 'isit this afternoon.3hristian 0rey6riapi! 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL /h 1o!DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,LA0(oL 3hristian 0reyI$ll beha'e. I %o l#n$t %ant my boss$s boss$s boss getting on top of me at %or". HS1o% let me get on %ith my =ob. My boss$s boss$s boss may fire my ass.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL MWXYMWMWDateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,LAE(oL Anastasia 0rey>elie'e me %hen I say there are a great many things he$# li"e to #o to yo r assright no%. Firing yo is not one of them.3hristian 0rey3E/ M Ass man& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. His response ma"es me giggle. ,80. ,8E+55,FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL 0o A%ay!DateL A g st AE& A0,, ,,LA7(oL 3hristian 0reyDon$t yo ha'e an empire to r n.Stop bothering me.My ne9t appointment is here.I tho ght yo %ere a breast man . . .(hin" abo t my ass& an# I$ll thin" abo t yo rs . . .I@5 9Anastasia 0rey1o% Moist 3ommissioning E#itor& SI6I !annot help my #espon#ent moo# as Sa%yer #ri'es me to the offi!e on(h rs#ay. 3hristian$s threatene# b siness trip to 1e% 5or" has happene#& an#tho gh he$s only been gone a fe% ho rs& I miss him alrea#y. I fire p my !om<p ter& an# there$s an email %aiting for me. My moo# lifts imme#iately.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Miss yo alrea#yDateL A g st A5& A0,, 04LEA(oL Anastasia 0rey ,8,. ,84+55,Mrs. 0rey5o %ere a#orable this morning.>eha'e %hile I$m a%ay.I lo'e yo .3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. (his %ill be the first night %e$'e slept apart sin!e o r %e##ing. I inten# toha'e a fe% !o!"tails %ith Fate;that sho l# help me sleep. Imp lsi'ely& I e<mailhim ba!"& altho gh I "no% that he$s still flying.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL >eha'e 5o rself!DateL A g st A5& A0,, 08L0E(oL 3hristian 0rey@et me "no% %hen yo lan#;I$ll %orry ntil yo #o.An# I shall beha'e. I mean ho% m !h tro ble !an I get into %ith Fate.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6I hit sen# an# sip my latte& !o rtesy of Hannah. -ho "ne% I$# gro% to lo'e !of<fee. Despite the fa!t that I$m going o t this e'ening %ith Fate& I feel li"e a !h n"of me is missing. At the moment& it$s thirty<fi'e tho san# feet some%here abo'ethe Mi#%est en ro te to 1e% 5or". I #i#n$t "no% I %o l# feel this nsettle# an#an9io s = st be!a se 3hristian$s a%ay. S rely o'er time I %on$t feel this loss an# n!ertainty& %ill I. I let o t a hea'y sigh an# !ontin e %ith my %or". Aro n# l n!htime& I start mani!ally !he!"ing my e<mail an# my >la!">erryfor a te9t. -here is he. Has he lan#e# safely. Hannah as"s if I %ant l n!h& b t ,8A. ,85+55,I$m too apprehensi'e an# %a'e her a%ay. I "no% it$s irrational& b t I nee# to bes re he$s arri'e# safely. My offi!e phone rings& startling me. 2Ana St;0rey.4 2Hi.4 3hristian$s 'oi!e is %arm %ith a tra!e of am sement. Relief floo#sthro gh me. 2Hi.4 I$m grinning from ear to ear. 2Ho% %as yo r flight.4 2@ong. -hat are yo #oing %ith Fate.4 /h no. 2-e$re = st going o t for a B iet #rin".4 3hristian says nothing. 2Sa%yer an# the ne% %oman ;6res!ott;are !oming to %at!h o'er s&4 I of<fer& trying to pla!ate him. 2I

tho ght Fate %as !oming to the apartment.4 2She is after a B i!" #rin".4 6lease let me go o t! 3hristian sighs hea'ily. 2-hy #i#n$t yo tell me.4 he says B ietly. (ooB ietly. I mentally "i!" myself. 23hristian& %e$ll be fine. I ha'e Ryan& Sa%yer& an#6res!ott here. It$s only a B i!" #rin".4 3hristian remains resol tely silent& an# I "no% he$s not happy. 2I$'e onlyseen her a fe% times sin!e yo an# I met. 6lease. She$s my best frien#.4 2Ana& I #on$t %ant to "eep yo from yo r frien#s. > t I tho ght she %as!oming ba!" to the apartment.4 2/"ay&4 I a!B ies!e. 2-e$ll stay in.4 2/nly %hile this l nati! is o t there. 6lease.4 2I$'e sai# o"ay&4 I m tter in e9asperation& rolling my eyes. 3hristian snorts softly #o%n the phone. 2I al%ays "no% %hen yo $re rollingyo r eyes at me.4 I s!o%l at the re!ei'er. 2@oo"& I$m sorry. I #i#n$t mean to %orry yo . I$ll tellFate.4 20oo#&4 he breathes& his relief e'i#ent. I feel g ilty for %orrying him. 2-here are yo .4 2/n the tarma! at DFF.4 2/h& so yo = st lan#e#.4 25es. 5o as"e# me to !all the moment I lan#e#.4 I smile. My s b!ons!io s glares at me. See. He #oes %hat he says he$s goingto #o. ,8E. ,87+55, 2-ell& Mr. 0rey& I$m gla# one of s is p n!tilio s.4 He la ghs. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo r gift for hyperbole "no%s no bo n#s. -hat am Igoing to #o %ith yo .4 2I am s re yo $ll thin" of something imaginati'e. 5o s ally #o.4 2Are yo flirting %ith me.4 25es.4 I sense his grin. 2I$# better go. Ana& #o as yo $re tol#& please. (he se! rityteam "no%s %hat they$re #oing.4 25es& 3hristian& I %ill.4 I so n# e9asperate# again. Dee)& I get the message. 2I$ll see yo tomorro% e'ening. I$ll !all yo later.4 2(o !he!" p on me.4 25es.4 2/h& 3hristian!4 I s!ol# him. 2A re'oir& Mrs. 0rey.4 2A re'oir& 3hristian. I lo'e yo .4 He inhales sharply. 2An# I yo & Ana.4 1either of s hangs p. 2Hang p& 3hristian&4 I %hisper. 25o $re a bossy little thing& aren$t yo .4 25o r bossy little thing.4 2Mine&4 he breathes. 2Do as yo $re tol#. Hang p.4 25es& Sir.4 I hang p an# grin st pi#ly at the phone. A fe% moments later& an e<mail appears in my inbo9.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL (%it!hing 6almsDateL A g st A5& A0,, ,EL4A ED((oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0rey5o are as entertaining as e'er on the phone.I mean it. Do as yo $re tol#. ,84. ,8:+55,I nee# to "no% yo $re safe.I lo'e yo .3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. Honestly& he$s the bossy one. > t one phone !all an# all my an9iety has #is<appeare#. He$s arri'e# safely an# he$s f ssing abo t me as s al. I h g myselfmomentarily. 0o#& I lo'e that man. Hannah "no!"s on my #oor& #istra!ting me&an# brings me ba!" to the no%.Fate loo"s gorgeo s. In her tight %hite =eans an# re# !amisole& she$s rea#y toro!" the to%n. She$s !hatting animate#ly %ith 3laire in re!eption %hen I ma"emy entran!e. 2Ana!4 she !ries& s!ooping me p in a Fate h g. She hol#s me at arm$slength. 2Don$t yo loo" the mog l$s %ife. -ho %o l# ha'e tho ght& little AnaSteele. 5o loo" so . . . sophisti!ate#!4 She grins. I roll my eyes at her. I$m %ear<ing a pale !ream shift #ress %ith a na'y belt an# na'y p mps. 2It$s goo# to see yo & Fate.4 I h g her ba!". 2So& %here are %e going.4 23hristian %ants s to go ba!" to the apartment.4 2A%& really. 3an$t %e snea" a B i!" !o!"tail at the Kig Kag 3afe. I$'eboo"e# s a table.4 I open my mo th to protest. 26lease.4 she %hines an# po ts prettily. She m st be

pi!"ing this p fromMia. She ne'er po ts normally. I$# really li"e a !o!"tail at the Kig Kag. -e ha#s !h f n the last time %e %ent there& an# it$s !lose to Fate$s apartment. I hol# p my in#e9 finger. 2/ne.4 She grins. 2/ne4 She lin"s her arm in mine& an# %e stroll o t to the !ar&%hi!h is par"e# at the ! rb %ith Sa%yer at the %heel. -e$re follo%e# by MissSamantha 6res!ott %ho$s ne% to the se! rity team;a tall Afri!an<Ameri!an %itha no<nonsense attit #e. I$'e yet to %arm to her& maybe be!a se she$s too !ool an# ,85. ,8*+55,professional. (he = ry$s #efinitely o t& b t li"e the rest of the team& she$s beenhan#<pi!"e# by (aylor. She$s #resse# li"e Sa%yer in a #ar" somber pants it. 23an yo ta"e s to the Kig Kag& please& Sa%yer.4 Sa%yer t rns to loo" at me& an# I "no% he %ants to say something. He$s ob<'io sly been gi'en his or#ers. He hesitates. 2(he Kig Kag 3afG. -e$ll only ha'e one.4 I gi'e Fate a si#e%ays glan!e& an# she$s glaring at Sa%yer. 6oor man. 25es& ma$am.4 2Mr. 0rey reB este# yo go ba!" to the apartment&4 6res!ott pipes p. 2Mr. 0rey isn$t here&4 I snap. 2(he Kig Kag& please.4 2Ma$am&4 Sa%yer replies %ith a si#e%ays glan!e at 6res!ott& %ho %iselyhol#s her tong e. Fate gapes at me as if she !an$t belie'e her eyes an# ears. I p rse my lips an#shr g. /"ay& so I$m a little more asserti'e than I se# to be. Fate no#s as Sa%yerp lls o t into the early e'ening traffi!. 25o "no% the a##itional se! rity is #ri'ing 0ra!e an# Mia !ra)y&4 Fatesays !as ally. I ga%" at her& baffle#. 25o #i#n$t "no%.4 She seems in!re# lo s. 2Fno% %hat.4 2Se! rity for all of the 0reys has been triple#. 0a)illione#& e'en.4 2Really.4 2He hasn$t tol# yo .4 I fl sh. 21o.4 Damn it& 3hristian! 2Do yo "no% %hy.4 2Da!" Hy#e.4 2-hat abo t Da!". I tho ght he %as = st after 3hristian.4 I gasp. Dee). -hyhasn$t he tol# me. 2Sin!e Mon#ay&4 Fate says. @ast Mon#ay. Hmm . . . %e i#entifie# Da!" on S n#ay. > t %hy all the0reys. 2Ho% #o yo "no% all this.4 2Elliot.4 /f !o rse. 23hristian hasn$t tol# yo any of this& has he.4 I fl sh on!e more. 21o.4 ,87. ,88+55, 2/h& Ana& ho% annoying.4 I sigh. As e'er& Fate has hit the nail sB arely on the hea# in her s al sle#ge<hammer style. 2Do yo "no% %hy.4 If 3hristian$s not going to tell me& thenmaybe Fate %ill. 2Elliot sai# it$s something to #o %ith information store# on Da!" Hy#e$s !om<p ter %hen he %as at SI6.4 Holy !rap. 25o $re "i##ing.4 A s rge of anger p lses thro gh me. Ho% #oesFate "no% abo t this %hen I #on$t. I glan!e p to see Sa%yer eyeing me from the rear'ie% mirror. (he re# lightt rns to green an# he s rges for%ar#& fo! sing on the roa# ahea#. I hol# my finger p to my lips an# Fate no#s. I bet Sa%yer "no%s& too& an# I #on$t. 2Ho%$s Elliot.4 I as" to !hange the s b=e!t. Fate grins st pi#ly& telling me all I nee# to "no%. Sa%yer p lls p at the en# of the passage%ay that lea#s #o%n to the Kig Kag3afG& an# 6res!ott opens my #oor. I s!oot o t an# Fate sli#es o t after me. -elin" arms an# mean#er #o%n the passage& follo%e# by 6res!ott& %ho$s %earing ath n#ero s e9pression on her fa!e. /h& for hea'en$s sa"e& it$s = st a #rin". Sa%yer#ri'es off to par" the !ar.2So ho% #oes Elliot "no% 0ia.4 I as"& ta"ing a sip of my se!on# stra%berrymo=ito. (he bar is intimate an# !o)y& an# I #on$t %ant to lea'e. Fate an# I ha'enot stoppe# tal"ing. I ha# forgotten ho% m !h I li"e hanging %ith her. It$s liberat<ing to be o t& rela9ing&

en=oying Fate$s !ompany. I !ontemplate te9ting 3hristianthen #ismiss the i#ea. He$ll = st be ma# an# ma"e me go home li"e an errant!hil#. 2Don$t tal" to me abo t that bit!h!4 Fate spl tters. Fate$s rea!tion ma"es me la gh. 2-hat$s so f nny& Steele.4 she snaps& b t not serio sly. 2I feel the same %ay.4 25o #o.4 25es. She %as all o'er 3hristian.4 2She ha# a fling %ith Elliot.4 Fate po ts. 21o!4 ,8:. A00+55, She no#s& her lips presse# together in the patente# Fatherine Fa'anaghs!o%l. 2It %as brief. @ast year& I thin". She$s a so!ial !limber. 1o %on#er she hasher sights set on 3hristian.4 23hristian is ta"en. I tol# her to lea'e him alone or I %o l# fire her.4 Fate gapes at me on!e more& st nne#. I no# pro #ly& an# she lifts her glass tosal te me& impresse# an# beaming. 2Mrs. Anastasia 0rey! -ay to go!4 -e !lin".2Does Elliot o%n a g n.4 21o. He$s 'ery antig n.4 Fate stirs her thir# #rin". 23hristian& too. I thin" it %as 0ra!e an# 3arri!"$s infl en!e&4 I m tter. I$mfeeling a little tipsy. 23arri!"$s a goo# man.4 Fate no#s. 2He %ante# a pren p&4 I m tter sa#ly. 2/h& Ana.4 She rea!hes a!ross an# grasps my arm. 2He %as only loo"ing o tfor his boy. As %e both "no%& yo ha'e gol#<#igger tattooe# on yo r forehea#.4She smiles at me& an# I po"e my tong e o t at her then giggle. 2Mat re& Mrs. 0rey&4 she says grinning. She so n#s li"e 3hristian. 25o $ll#o the same for yo r son one #ay.4 2My son.4 I gape at her. It ha#n$t e'en !rosse# my min# that my "i#s %ill beri!h. Holy !rap. (hey$ll %ant for nothing. I mean . . . nothing. (his nee#s f rthertho ght;b t not right no%. I glan!e at 6res!ott an# Sa%yer seate# nearby& %at!h<ing s an# the e'ening !ro%# from a si#e table %hile they ea!h n rse a glass ofspar"ling mineral %ater. 2Do yo thin" %e sho l# eat.4 I as". 21o. -e sho l# #rin"&4 Fate says. 2-hy are yo in s !h a #rin"ing moo#.4 2>e!a se I #on$t see eno gh of yo anymore. I #i#n$t "no% yo $# p an#marry the first g y %ho t rne# yo r hea#.4 She po ts again. 2Honestly& yo mar<rie# so B i!"ly that I tho ght yo %ere pregnant.4 I giggle. 2E'eryone tho ght I %as pregnant&4 I m tter. 2@et$s not rehash that!on'ersation again. 6lease! An# I ha'e to se the restroom.4 ,8*. A0,+55, 6res!ott a!!ompanies me. She says nothing. She #oesn$t ha'e to. Disappro'alra#iates off her li"e a lethal isotope. 2I ha'en$t been o t on my o%n sin!e I got marrie#&4 I m tter %or#lessly atthe !lose# toilet #oor. I ma"e a fa!e& "no%ing that she$s stan#ing on the other si#eof the #oor& %aiting %hile I pee. -hat pre!isely is Hy#e going to #o in a bar any<%ay. 3hristian is = st o'errea!ting as s al.2Fate& it$s late. -e sho l# go.4 It$s ten fifteen& an# I ha'e #o%ne# my fo rth stra%berry mo=ito. I am #efin<itely feeling the effe!ts of the al!ohol& %arm an# f ))y. 3hristian %ill be fine.E'ent ally. 2S re& Ana. It$s been so goo# to see yo . 5o = st seem so m !h more& I#on$t "no% . . . !onfi#ent. Marriage ob'io sly agrees %ith yo .4 My fa!e %arms. 3oming from Miss Fatherine Fa'anagh& this is in#ee# a!ompliment. 2It #oes&4 I %hisper& an# be!a se I$'e probably ha# too m !h to #rin"& tearspri!" the ba!" of my eyes. 3o l# I be any happier. In spite of all his baggage& hisnat re& his Fiftyness& I ha'e met an# marrie# the man of my #reams. I B i!"ly!hange the s b=e!t to stem my sentimental tho ghts& be!a se I "no% I %ill !ryother%ise. 2I ha'e really en=oye# this e'ening.4 I

grasp Fate$s han#. 2(han" yo for#ragging me o t!4 -e h g. As she releases me& I no# at Sa%yer an# he han#s6res!ott the "eys to the !ar. 2I$m s re Miss 0oo#y<(%o<Shoes 6res!ott has tol# 3hristian I$m not athome. He$ll be ma#&4 I m tter to Fate. An# maybe he$ll thin" of some #eli!io s%ay to p nish me . . . hopef lly. 2-hy are yo grinning li"e a loon& Ana. 5o li"e ma"ing 3hristian ma#.4 21o. 1ot really. > t it$s easily #one. He$s 'ery !ontrolling sometimes.4 Mostof the time. 2I$'e noti!e#&4 Fate says %ryly. ,88. A0A+55,-e p ll p o tsi#e Fate$s apartment. She h gs me har#. 2Don$t be a stranger&4 she %hispers an# "isses my !hee". (hen she$s o t ofthe !ar. I %a'e& feeling strangely homesi!". I ha'e misse# girl tal". It$s f n an# re< la9ing& an# remin#s me that I$m still yo ng. I m st ma"e more of an effort to seeFate& b t the tr th is& I lo'e being in my b bble %ith 3hristian. @ast night %e at<ten#e# a !harity #inner together. (here %ere so many men in s its an# %ell<groome# elegant %omen tal"ing abo t real estate pri!es an# the failing e!onomyan# the pl nging sto!" mar"ets. I mean& it %as # ll& really # ll. So it$s refreshingto let my hair #o%n %ith someone my o%n age. My stoma!h r mbles. Dee)& I still ha'en$t eaten. Shit;3hristian! I s!ramblethro gh my p rse an# fish o t my >la!">erry. Holy !rap;fi'e misse# !alls! /nete9t . . . W-HERE (HE HE@@ ARE 5/?.W An# one e<mail.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Angry. 5o $'e not seen angryDateL A g st A7& A0,, 00L4A ES((oL Anastasia 0reyAnastasiaSa%yer tells me that yo are #rin"ing !o!"tails in a bar %hen yo sai# yo %o l#n$t.Do yo ha'e any i#ea ho% ma# I am at the moment.I$ll see yo tomorro%.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. My heart sin"s. /h shit! I really am in tro ble. My s b!ons!io s glares at me&then shr gs& %earing her yo <ma#e<yo r<be#<yo < lie<in<it fa!e. -hat #i# I A00. A0E+55,e9pe!t. I !ontemplate !alling him& b t it$s late an# he$s probably asleep . . . or pa<!ing. I #e!i#e a B i!" te9t may be eno gh. WI$M S(I@@ I1 /1E 6IE3E. I HAD A 1I3E (IME. MISSI10 5/?;6@EASE D/1$( >E MADW I ga)e at my >la!">erry& %illing him to respon#& b t it$s omino sly silent. Isigh. 6res!ott p lls p o tsi#e Es!ala an# Sa%yer gets o t to hol# the #oor openfor me. As %e stan# %aiting for the ele'ator& I ta"e the opport nity to B i) him. 2-hat time #i# 3hristian !all yo .4 Sa%yer fl shes. 2Abo t nine thirty& ma$am.4 2-hy #i#n$t yo interr pt my !on'ersation %ith Fate so I !o l# spea" %ithhim.4 2Mr. 0rey tol# me not to.4 I p rse my lips. (he ele'ator arri'es& an# %e ri#e p in silen!e. I$m s ##enlygratef l that 3hristian has a %hole night to re!o'er from his snit<fit& an# that he$son the other si#e of the !o ntry. It gi'es me some time. /n the other han# . . . Imiss him. (he #oors to the ele'ator open& an# for a split se!on# I stare at the foyertable. -hat is %rong %ith this pi!t re. (he 'ase of flo%ers lies smashe# into fragments all o'er the floor of the foy<er& %ater an# flo%ers an# !h n"s of !hina are stre%n e'ery%here& an# the table iso'ert rne#. My s!alp pri!"les an# Sa%yer grabs my arm an# p lls me ba!" intothe ele'ator. 2Stay there&4 he hisses& #ra%ing a g n. He steps into the foyer an# #isappearsfrom my fiel# of 'ision. I !o%er in the ba!" of the ele'ator. 2@ "e!4 I hear Ryan !all from insi#e the great room. 23o#e bl e!4 3o#e bl e. 25o ha'e the perp.4 Sa%yer

!alls ba!". 2Des s H. 3hrist!4 I flatten myself against the ele'ator %all. -hat the hell is going on. A#ren<aline spi"es thro gh my bo#y& an# my heart leaps into my throat. I hear soft A0,. A04+55,'oi!es& an# a moment later Sa%yer reappears in the foyer& stan#ing in the p ##leof %ater. He holsters his g n. 25o !an !ome in& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says gently. 2-hat$s happene#& @ "e.4 My 'oi!e is barely a %hisper. 2-e$'e ha# a 'isitor.4 He ta"es my elbo%& an# I$m gratef l for the s p<port;my legs ha'e t rne# to =elly. I %al" %ith him thro gh the open #o ble#oors. Ryan is stan#ing at the entran!e of the great room. A ! t abo'e his eye isblee#ing& an# there$s another on his mo th. He loo"s ro ghe# p& his !lothes#ishe'ele#. > t %hat$s more sho!"ing is Da!" Hy#e sl mpe# at his feet. A0A. My heart is po n#ing an# bloo# thr ms lo #ly in my ear#r msH the al!ohol flo%<ing thro gh my system& amplifying the so n#. 2Is he;4 I gasp& nable to finish the senten!e an# ga)ing %i#e<eye# an# ter<rifie# at Ryan. I !an$t e'en loo" at the prone fig re on the floor. 21o& ma$am. D st "no!"e# o t !ol#.4 Relief floo#s thro gh me. /h& than" 0o#. 2An# yo .4 I as"& ga)ing at Ryan. I reali)e I #on$t "no% his first name. He$spanting as if he$s r n a marathon. He %ipes the !orner of his mo th& remo'ing thetra!e of bloo#& an# a faint br ise is forming on his !hee". A0E. A07+55, 2He p t p one hell of a fight& b t I$m o"ay& Mrs. 0rey.4 He smiles reass r<ingly. If I "ne% him better& I$# say he loo"e# a little sm g. 2An# 0ail. Mrs. Dones.4 /h no . . . is she o"ay. Has she been harme#. 2I$m here& Ana.4 0lan!ing behin# me& she$s in a night#ress an# robe& her hairloose& her fa!e ashen an# her eyes %i#e;li"e mine& I imagine. 2Ryan %o"e me. Insiste# I !ome in here.4 She points behin# her into (aylor$soffi!e. 2I$m fine. Are yo o"ay.4 I no# bris"ly an# reali)e she$s probably = st !ome o t of the pani! room b ilta#=oining (aylor$s offi!e. -ho "ne% %e$# nee# it so soon. 3hristian ha# insiste#on its installation shortly after o r engagement;an# I ha# rolle# my eyes. 1o%&seeing 0ail stan#ing in the #oor%ay& I$m gratef l for his foresight. A !rea" from the #oor to the foyer #istra!ts me. It$s hanging off its hinges.-hat the hell happene# to that. 2-as he alone.4 I as" Ryan. 25es& ma$am. 5o %o l#n$t be stan#ing here if he %asn$t& I !an ass re yo .4Ryan so n#s 'ag ely affronte#. 2Ho% #i# he get in.4 I as"& ignoring his tone. 2(hro gh the ser'i!e ele'ator. He$s got B ite a pair& ma$am.4 I stare #o%n at Da!"$s sl mpe# fig re. He$s %earing a niform of sorts;!o'<eralls& I thin". 2-hen.4 2Abo t ten min tes ago. I !a ght him on the se! rity monitor. He %as %ear<ing glo'es . . . "in#a strange in A g st. I re!ogni)e# him an# #e!i#e# to gi'e hima!!ess. (hat %ay I "ne% %e$# ha'e him. 5o %eren$t here an# 0ail %as safe& so Ifig re# it %as no% or ne'er.4 Ryan loo"s 'ery please# %ith himself on!e more&an# Sa%yer s!o%ls at him in #isappro'al. 0lo'es. (he tho ght #istra!ts me& an# I glan!e on!e more at Da!". 5es& he$s%earing bro%n leather glo'es. 3reepy. 2-hat no%.4 I try to #ismiss the ramifi!ations from my min#. 2-e nee# to se! re him&4 Ryan replies. 2Se! re him.4 2In !ase he %a"es.4 Ryan glan!es at Sa%yer. 2-hat

#o yo nee#.4 as"s Mrs. Dones& stepping for%ar#. She$s re!o'ere# her!ompos re. 2Something to restrain him;!or# or rope&4 Ryan replies. A04. A0:+55, 3able ties. I fl sh as memories of the pre'io s night in'a#e my min#. Refle9<i'ely& I r b my %rists an# glan!e B i!"ly #o%n at them. 1o& no br ising. 0oo#. 2I ha'e something. 3able ties. -ill they #o.4 All eyes t rn to me. 25es& ma$am. 6erfe!t&4 Sa%yer says& serio s an# straight<fa!e#. I %ant thefloor to s%allo% me p& b t I t rn an# hea# for o r be#room. Sometimes yo = stha'e to bra)en things o t. 6erhaps it$s the !ombination of fear an# al!ohol ma"ingme a #a!io s. -hen I ret rn& Mrs. Dones is s r'eying the mess in the foyer an# Miss6res!ott has =oine# the se! rity team. I han# the ties to Sa%yer& %ho slo%ly& an#%ith nne!essary !are& ties Hy#e$s han#s behin# his ba!". Mrs. Dones #isappearsinto the "it!hen an# ret rns %ith a first ai# "it. She ta"es Ryan$s arm& lea#s himinto the #oor%ay of the great room& an# starts ten#ing to the ! t abo'e his eye. Heflin!hes as she #abs it %ith an antisepti! %ipe. (hen I noti!e the 0lo!" on thefloor %ith a silen!er atta!he#. Holy shit! Da!" %as arme#. >ile rises in my throatan# I fight it #o%n. 2Don$t to !h& Mrs. 0rey&4 says 6res!ott %hen I ben# to pi!" it p. Sa%yeremerges from (aylor$s offi!e %earing late9 glo'es. 2I$ll ta"e !are of that& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says. 2It$s his.4 I as". 25es ma$am&4 says Ryan& %in!ing on!e more from Mrs. Dones$s ministra<tions. Holy !rap. Ryan fo ght an arme# man in my home. I sh ##er at thetho ght. Sa%yer ben#s an# gingerly pi!"s p the 0lo!". 2Sho l# yo be #oing that.4 I as". 2Mr. 0rey %o l# e9pe!t it ma$am.4 Sa%yer sli#es the g n into a )ip<lo!" bagthen sB ats to pat #o%n Da!". He pa ses an# partially p lls a roll of # !t tape fromthe man$s po!"et. Sa%yer blan!hes an# p shes the tape ba!" into Hy#e$s po!"et. D !t tape. My min# i#ly registers as I %at!h the pro!ee#ings %ith fas!ina<tion an# an o## #eta!hment. (hen bile rises to my throat again as I reali)e the im< pli!ations. Rapi#ly& I #ismiss them from my hea#. Don$t go there& Ana! 2Sho l# %e !all the poli!e.4 I m tter& trying to hi#e my fear. I %ant Hy#e o tof my home& sooner rather than later. Ryan an# Sa%yer glan!e at ea!h other. 2I thin" %e sho l# !all the poli!e&4 I say rather more for!ef lly& %on#ering%hat$s going on bet%een Ryan an# Sa%yer. A05. A0*+55, 2I$'e = st trie# (aylor& an# he$s not ans%ering his !ell. Maybe he$s asleep.4Sa%yer !he!"s his %at!h. 2It$s one forty<fi'e in the morning on the East 3oast.4 /h no. 2Ha'e yo !alle# 3hristian.4 I %hisper. 21o& ma$am.4 2-ere yo !alling (aylor for instr !tions.4 Sa%yer loo"s momentarily embarrasse#. 25es& ma$am.4 6art of me bristles. (his man;I glan!e #o%n at Hy#e again;has in'a#e#my home& an# he nee#s to be remo'e# by the poli!e. > t loo"ing at the fo r ofthem& into their an9io s eyes& I #e!i#e I m st be missing something so I #e!i#e to!all 3hristian. My s!alp pri!"les. I "no% he$s ma# at me;really& really ma# atme;an# I falter at the tho ght of %hat he$ll say. An# ho% he$ll stress be!a sehe$s not here an# !an$t be here ntil tomorro% e'ening. I "no% I$'e %orrie# himeno gh this e'ening. 6erhaps I sho l#n$t !all him. An# then it o!! rs to me. Shit.-hat if I$# been here. I pale at the tho ght. (han" hea'ens I %as o t. Maybe I%on$t be in so m !h tro ble after all. 2Is he o"ay.4 I as"& pointing at

Da!". 2He$ll ha'e an a!hing s" ll %hen he %a"es&4 Ryan says& ga)ing #o%n at Da!"%ith !ontempt. 2> t %e nee# parame#i!s here to ma"e s re.4 I rea!h into my p rse an# p ll o t my >la!">erry& an# before I !an gi'e toom !h tho ght to the e9tent of 3hristian$s anger& I #ial his n mber. It goes straightto 'oi!e mail. He m st ha'e s%it!he# it off be!a se he$s so ma#. I !annot thin"%hat to say. ( rning a%ay& I %al" #o%n the hall%ay a little& a%ay from e'eryone. 2Hi. It$s me. 6lease #on$t be ma#. -e$'e ha# an in!i#ent at the apartment.> t it$s n#er !ontrol& so #on$t %orry. 1o one is h rt. 3all me.4 I hang p. 23all the poli!e.4 I tell Sa%yer. He no#s& ta"es o t his !ell& an# ma"es the!all./ffi!er S"inner is #eep in !on'ersation %ith Ryan at the #ining room table. /f<fi!er -al"er is %ith Sa%yer in (aylor$s offi!e. I #on$t "no% %here 6res!ott is&perhaps in (aylor$s offi!e. Dete!ti'e 3lar" is bar"ing B estions at me as %e sit onthe !o !h in the great room. He$s tall& #ar" an# %o l# be goo# loo"ing if it %asn$tfor his permanent s!o%l. I s spe!t he$s been %o"en an# #ragge# from his %arm A07. A08+55,be# be!a se the home of one of Seattle$s most infl ential an# %ealthy b siness<men has been brea!he#. 2He se# to be yo r boss.4 3lar" as"s tersely. 25es.4 I am tire#;beyon# tire#;an# I %ant to go to be#. I still ha'en$t hear# from3hristian. /n the pl s si#e& the parame#i!s ha'e remo'e# Hy#e. Mrs. Dones han#sDete!ti'e 3lar" an# me ea!h a ! p of tea. 2(han"s.4 3lar" t rns to me. 2An# %here is Mr. 0rey.4 21e% 5or". /n b siness. He$ll be ba!" tomorro% e'ening& I mean this e'en<ing.4 It$s after mi#night. 2Hy#e is "no%n to s&4 Dete!ti'e 3lar" m rm rs. 2I$ll nee# yo to !ome#o%n to the station to ma"e a statement. > t that !an %ait. It$s late an# there are a!o ple of reporters !ampe# o t on the si#e%al". Do yo min# if I loo" aro n#.4 2/f !o rse not&4 I offer& relie'e# his B estioning is finishe#. I sh ##er at thetho ght of the photographers o tsi#e. -ell& they %on$t be a problem ntil tomor<ro%. I remin# myself to !all Mom an# Ray = st in !ase they hear anything an#%orry. 2Mrs. 0rey& may I s ggest yo go to be#.4 Mrs. Dones says& her 'oi!e %arman# f ll of !on!ern. @oo"ing into her %arm& "in# eyes& I s ##enly feel an o'er%helming nee# to!ry. She rea!hes o'er an# r bs my sho l#er. 2-e$re safe no%&4 she m rm rs. 2(his %ill all loo" better in the morningon!e yo $'e ha# some sleep. An# Mr. 0rey %ill be ba!" tomorro% e'ening.4 I glan!e ner'o sly p at her& "eeping my tears at bay. 3hristian is going to beso ma#. 23an I get yo anything before yo go to be#.4 she as"s. I reali)e ho% h ngry I am. 2I$# lo'e something to eat.4 She smiles broa#ly. 2San#%i!h an# some mil".4 I no# %ith gratit #e& an# she hea#s into the "it!hen. Ryan is still %ith /ffi!erS"inner. In the foyer Dete!ti'e 3lar" is e9amining the mess o tsi#e the ele'ator.He loo"s tho ghtf l& #espite his s!o%l. An# s ##enly I feel homesi!";homesi!"for 3hristian. Hol#ing my hea# in my han#s& I %ish fer'ently that he %ere here.He$# "no% %hat to #o. -hat an e'ening. I %ant to !ra%l into his lap& ha'e himhol# me an# tell me that he lo'es me& e'en tho gh I #on$t #o as I$m tol#;b t that%on$t be possible ntil this e'ening. In%ar#ly I roll my eyes . . . -hy #i#n$t he A0:. A,0+55,tell me abo t the in!rease# se! rity for e'eryone. -hat e9a!tly is on Da!"$s !om<p ter. He$s so fr strating b t right no%& I = st #on$t !are. I

%ant my h sban#. Imiss him. 2Here yo are& Ana #ear.4 Mrs. Dones interr pts my inner t rmoil. -hen Iglan!e p at her& she han#s me a pean t b tter an# =elly san#%i!h& her eyes t%in"<ling. I ha'en$t ha# one of these for years. I smile shyly an# #ig in. -hen I finally !ra%l into be#& I ! rl p on 3hristian$s si#e& #resse# in his (<shirt. >oth his pillo% an# his (<shirt smell of him& an# as I #rift off I silently %ishhim safe passage home . . . an# a goo# moo#.I %a"e %ith a start. It$s light an# my hea# is a!hing& throbbing at my temples. /hno. I hope I #on$t ha'e a hango'er. 3a tio sly& I open my eyes an# noti!e thebe#room !hair has mo'e#& an# 3hristian is sitting in it. He$s %earing his t 9& an#the en# of his bo%tie is peeping o t of the breast po!"et. I %on#er if I$m #ream<ing. His left arm is #rape# o'er the !hair& an# in his han# he hol#s a ! t glass t m<bler of amber liB i#. >ran#y. -his"ey. I ha'e no i#ea. /ne long leg is !rosse# atthe an"le o'er his "nee. He$s %earing bla!" so!"s an# #ress shoes. His right el<bo% rests on the arm of the !hair& his han# p to his !hin& an# he$s slo%ly r nninghis in#e9 finger rhythmi!ally ba!" an# forth o'er his lo%er lip. In the early morn<ing light& his eyes b rn %ith gra'e intensity b t his general e9pression is !om<pletely nrea#able. My heart almost stops. He$s here. Ho% #i# he get here. He m st ha'e left1e% 5or" last night. Ho% long has he been here %at!hing me sleep. 2Hi&4 I %hisper. He regar#s me !oolly& an# my heart st tters on!e more. /h no. He mo'es hislong fingers a%ay from his mo th& tosses ba!" the remain#er of his #rin"& an#pla!es the glass on the be#si#e table. I half e9pe!t him to "iss me& b t he #oesn$t.He sits ba!"& !ontin ing to regar# me& his e9pression impassi'e. 2Hello&4 he says finally& his 'oi!e h she#. An# I "no% he$s still ma#. Reallyma#. 25o $re ba!".4 2It %o l# appear so.4 A0*. A,,+55, Slo%ly I p ll myself p into a sitting position& not ta"ing my eyes off him.My mo th is #ry. 2Ho% long ha'e yo been sitting there %at!hing me sleep.4 2@ong eno gh.4 25o $re still ma#.4 I !an har#ly spea" the %or#s. He ga)es at me& as if !onsi#ering his response. 2Ma#&4 he says as if testingthe %or#& %eighing p its n an!es& its meaning. 21o& Ana. I am %ay& %ay beyon#ma#.4 Holy !rap. I try to s%allo%& b t it$s har# %ith a #ry mo th. 2Far beyon# ma# . . . that #oesn$t so n# goo#.4 He ga)es at me& !ompletely impassi'e& an# #oesn$t respon#. A star" silen!estret!hes bet%een s. I rea!h o'er to my glass of %ater an# ta"e a %el!ome sip&trying to bring my errati! heart rate n#er !ontrol. 2Ryan !a ght Da!".4 I try a #ifferent ta!"& an# I pla!e my glass besi#e his onthe be#si#e table. 2I "no%&4 he says i!ily. /f !o rse& he "no%s. 2Are yo going to be monosyllabi! for long.4 His eyebro%s mo'e fra!tionally registering his s rprise as if he ha#n$t e9pe!<te# this B estion. 25es&4 he says finally. /h . . . o"ay. -hat to #o. Defense;the best form of atta!". 2I$m sorry Istaye# o t.4 2Are yo .4 21o&4 I m tter after a pa se& be!a se it$s tr e. 2-hy say it then.4 2>e!a se I #on$t %ant yo to be ma# at me.4 He sighs hea'ily as if he$s been hol#ing this tension for a tho san# ho rs an#r ns his han# thro gh his hair. He loo"s bea tif l. Ma#& b t bea tif l. I #rin" himin;3hristian$s ba!";angry& b t in one pie!e. 2I thin" Dete!ti'e 3lar" %ants to tal" to yo .4 2I$m s re he #oes.4 23hristian& please . . .4 26lease %hat.4 2Don$t be so !ol#.4 His eyebro%s rise in s rprise

on!e more. 2Anastasia& !ol# is not %hat I$mfeeling at the moment. I$m b rning. > rning %ith rage. I #on$t "no% ho% to #eal A08. A,A+55,%ith these4;he %a'es his han# sear!hing for the %or# ;2feelings.4 His tone isbitter. /h shit. His honesty #isarms me. All I %ant to #o is !ra%l into his lap. It$s allI$'e %ante# to #o sin!e I !ame home last night. (o hell %ith this. I mo'e& ta"inghim by s rprise an# !limbing a%"%ar#ly into his lap& %here I ! rl p. He #oesn$tp sh me a%ay& %hi!h is %hat I$# feare#. After a beat& he fol#s his arms aro n# mean# b ries his nose in my hair. He smells of %his"ey. Dee)& ho% m !h #i# he#rin". He smells of bo#y%ash& too. He smells of 3hristian. I %rap my armsaro n# his ne!" an# n ))le his throat& an# he sighs on!e more& #eeply this time. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey. -hat am I going to #o %ith yo .4 He "isses the top of myhea#. I !lose my eyes& relishing the !onta!t %ith him. 2Ho% m !h ha'e yo ha# to #rin".4 He stills. 2-hy.4 25o #on$t normally #rin" har# liB or.4 2(his is my se!on# glass. I$'e ha# a trying night& Anastasia. 0i'e a man abrea".4 I smile. 2If yo insist& Mr. 0rey&4 I breathe into his ne!". 25o smell hea'<enly. I slept on yo r si#e of the be# be!a se yo r pillo% smells of yo .4 He n ))les my hair. 2Di# yo no%. I %on#ere# %hy yo %ere on this si#e.I$m still ma# at yo .4 2I "no%.4 His han# rhythmi!ally stro"es my ba!". 2An# I$m ma# at yo &4 I %hisper. He pa ses. 2An# %hat& pray& ha'e I #one to #eser'e yo r ire.4 2I$ll tell yo later %hen yo $re no longer b rning %ith rage.4 I "iss his throat.He !loses his eyes an# leans into my "iss b t ma"es no mo'e to "iss me ba!". Hisarms tighten aro n# me& sB ee)ing me. 2-hen I thin" of %hat might ha'e happene# . . .4 His 'oi!e is barely a %his<per. >ro"en& ra%. 2I$m o"ay.4 2/h& Ana.4 It$s almost a sob. 2I$m o"ay. -e$re all o"ay. A bit sha"en. > t 0ail is fine. Ryan is fine. An#Da!" is gone.4 He sha"es his hea#. 21o than"s to yo &4 he m tters. -hat. I lean ba!"& an# glare at him. 2-hat #o yo mean.4 A,0. A,E+55, 2I #on$t %ant to arg e abo t it right no%& Ana.4 I blin". -ell& maybe I #o& b t I #e!i#e against it. At least he$s tal"ing to me. Inestle into him on!e more. His fingers mo'e to my hair an# start playing %ith it. 2I %ant to p nish yo &4 he %hispers. 2Really beat the shit o t of yo &4 hea##s. My heart leaps into my mo th. F !". 2I "no%&4 I %hisper as my s!alppri!"les. 2Maybe I %ill.4 2I hope not.4 He h gs me tighter. 2Ana& Ana& Ana. 5o $# try the patien!e of a saint.4 2I !o l# a!! se yo of many things& Mr. 0rey& b t being a saint isn$t one ofthem.4 Finally I am blesse# %ith his rel !tant !h !"le. 2Fair point %ell ma#e as e'er&Mrs. 0rey.4 He "isses my forehea# an# shifts. 2>a!" to be#. 5o ha# a late night& too.4 He mo'es B i!"ly& pi!"ing me pan# #epositing me ba!" on the be#. 2@ie #o%n %ith me.4 21o. I ha'e things to #o.4 He rea!hes #o%n an# !olle!ts the glass. 20o ba!"to sleep. I$ll %a"e yo in a !o ple of ho rs.4 2Are yo still ma# at me.4 25es.4 2I$ll go ba!" to sleep& then.4 20oo#.4 He p lls the # 'et o'er me an# "isses my forehea# on!e more.2Sleep.4 An# be!a se I$m so groggy from the night before& relie'e# that he$s ba!"&an# emotionally fatig e# by o r early<morning en!o nter& I #o e9a!tly as I$mtol#. As I #rift off& I$m ! rio s tho gh gratef l& gi'en the nasty taste in my mo th&to "no% %hy he hasn$t #eploye# his s al

!oping me!hanism an# leapt on me toha'e his %i!"e# %ay.2(here$s some orange = i!e for yo here&4 3hristian says& an# my eyes fl tteropen again. I ha'e ha# the most restf l t%o ho rs of sleep I !an remember& an# I%a"e refreshe#& my hea# no longer throbbing. (he orange = i!e is a %el!ome A,,. A,4+55,sight;as is my h sban#. He$s in his s%eats. An# I$m momentarily )appe# ba!"to the Heathman Hotel an# the first time I e'er %o"e p %ith him. His gray tan"top is #amp %ith his s%eat. Either he$s been %or"ing o t in the basement gym orhe$s been for a r n& b t he sho l#n$t loo" this goo# after a %or"o t. 2I$m going to ta"e a sho%er&4 he m rm rs an# #isappears to the bathroom. Ifro%n. He$s still #istant. He$s either #istra!te# by all that$s happene#& or still ma#&or . . . %hat. I sit p an# rea!h for the orange = i!e& #rin"ing it #o%n too B i!"ly.It$s #eli!io s& i!e !ol#& an# it ma"es my mo th a m !h better pla!e. I !lamber o tof be#& an9io s to !lose the #istan!e;real an# metaphysi!al;bet%een my h s<ban# an# me. I glan!e B i!"ly at the alarm. It$s eight o$!lo!". I strip off 3hristi<an$s (<shirt an# follo% him into the bathroom. He$s in the sho%er& %ashing hishair& an# I #on$t hesitate. I slip in behin# him& an# he stiffens the moment I %rapmy arms aro n# him;my front to his %et& m s! lar ba!". I ignore his rea!tion&hol#ing him tightly& an# press my !hee" flat against him& !losing my eyes. After amoment& he shifts so %e are both n#er the !as!a#e of hot %ater an# !arries on%ashing his hair. I let the %ater %ash o'er me as I !ra#le the man I lo'e. I thin" ofall the times he$s f !"e# me an# all the times he$s ma#e lo'e to me in here. Ifro%n. He$s ne'er been this B iet. ( rning my hea#& I start to trail "isses a!rosshis ba!". His bo#y stiffens again. 2Ana&4 he %arns. 2Hmm.4 My han#s tra'el slo%ly #o%n o'er his ta t stoma!h to his belly. He pla!esboth his han#s on mine an# brings them to an abr pt halt. He sha"es his hea#. 2Don$t&4 he %arns. I release him& imme#iately. He$s saying no. My min# goes into free fall;hasthis e'er happene# before. My s b!ons!io s sha"es her hea#& her lips p rse#. Sheglares at me o'er her half<moon glasses& %earing her yo $'e<really<f !"e#< p<this<time loo". I feel li"e I$'e been slappe#& har#. Re=e!te#. An# a lifetime of in<se! rity spa%ns the gly tho ght he #oesn$t %ant me anymore. I gasp as the painsears thro gh me. 3hristian t rns& an# I$m relie'e# to see he$s not !ompletely ob<li'io s to my !harms. 0rasping my !hin& he tilts my hea# ba!"& an# I fin# myselfga)ing into his %ary& bea tif l eyes. 2I$m still f !"ing ma# at yo &4 he says& his 'oi!e B iet an# serio s. Shit!@eaning #o%n& he rests his forehea# against mine& !losing his eyes. I rea!h p an#!aress his fa!e. A,A. A,5+55, 2Don$t be ma# at me& please. I thin" yo $re o'errea!ting&4 I %hisper. He straightens& blan!hing. My han# falls free to my si#e. 2/'errea!ting.4 he snarls. 2Some f !"ing l nati! gets into my apartment to"i#nap my %ife& an# yo thin" I$m o'errea!ting!4 (he restraine# mena!e in his'oi!e is frightening& an# his eyes bla)e as he stares at me as if I$m the f !"ingl nati!. 21o . . . m& that$s not %hat I %as referring to. I tho ght this %as abo t mestaying o t.4 He !loses his eyes on!e more as if in pain an# sha"es his hea#. 23hristian& I %asn$t here.4 I try to appease an# reass re him. 2I "no%&4 he %hispers opening his eyes. 2An# all be!a se yo !an$t

follo% asimple& f !"ing reB est.4 His tone is bitter an# it$s my t rn to blan!h. 2I #on$t%ant to #is! ss this no%& in the sho%er. I am still f !"ing ma# at yo & Anastasia.5o $re ma"ing me B estion my = #gment.4 He t rns an# promptly lea'es thesho%er& grabbing a to%el on the %ay an# stal"ing o t of the bathroom& lea'ing mebereft an# !hille# n#er the hot %ater. 3rap. 3rap. 3rap. (hen the signifi!an!e of %hat he$s = st sai# #a%ns on me. Fi#nap. F !".Da!" %ante# to "i#nap me. I re!all the # !t tape an# not %anting to thin" too#eeply abo t %hy Da!" ha# that. Does 3hristian ha'e more information. H r<rie#ly I %ash myself& then shampoo an# rinse my hair. I %ant to "no%. I nee# to"no%. I am not going to let him "eep me in the #ar" abo t this. 3hristian$s not in the be#room %hen I !ome o t. Dee)& he #resses B i!"ly. I#o the same& thro%ing on my fa'orite pl m #ress an# bla!" san#als& an# I$m !on<s!io s that I$'e !hosen this o tfit be!a se 3hristian li"es it. I 'igoro sly to%el<#rymy hair& then brai# it an# %in# it into a b n. Fitting #iamon# st #s into my ears& I#ash to the bathroom to apply a little mas!ara an# glan!e at myself in the mirror.I$m pale. Dee)& I$m al%ays pale. I ta"e a #eep stea#ying breath. I nee# to fa!e the!onseB en!es of my rash #e!ision to a!t ally en=oy myself %ith my frien#. I sigh&"no%ing that 3hristian %on$t see it that %ay. 3hristian is no%here to be seen in the great room. Mrs. Dones is b sying her<self in the "it!hen. 20oo# morning& Ana&4 she says s%eetly. 2Morning&4 I smile broa#ly at her. I am Ana again! 2(ea.4 A,E. A,7+55, 26lease.4 2Anything to eat.4 26lease. I$# li"e an omelet this morning.4 2-ith m shrooms an# spina!h.4 2An# !heese.4 23oming p.4 2-here$s 3hristian.4 2Mr. 0rey$s in his st #y.4 2Has he ha# brea"fast.4 I glan!e at the t%o pla!es set on the brea"fast bar. 21o& ma$am.4 2(han"s.4 3hristian is on the phone& #resse# in a %hite shirt %ith no tie& loo"ing li"ee'ery part the rela9e# 3E/. Ho% #e!epti'e appearan!es !an be. 6erhaps he$s notgoing into the offi!e after all. He glan!es p %hen I appear in the #oor%ay b tsha"es his hea# at me& in#i!ating that I am not %el!ome. Shit . . . I t rn an#%an#er #e=e!te#ly ba!" to the brea"fast bar. (aylor appears& snappily #resse# in asomber s it& loo"ing li"e he$s ha# eight ho rs of ninterr pte# sleep. 2Morning& (aylor&4 I m rm r& trying to ga ge his moo# an# see if he$ll offerme any 'is al ! es abo t %hat has been going on. 20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey&4 he replies& an# I hear the sympathy in those fo r%or#s. I smile !ompassionately ba!" at him& "no%ing he ha# to en# re an angry&fr strate# 3hristian ret rning to Seattle %ay ahea# of s!he# le. 2Ho% %as the flight.4 I #are to as". 2@ong& Mrs. 0rey.4 His bre'ity spea"s 'ol mes. 2May I as" ho% yo are.4he a##s& his tone softening. 2I$m goo#.4 He no#s. 2If yo $ll e9! se me.4 He hea#s to%ar# 3hristian$s st #y. Hmm.(aylor$s allo%e# in& b t not me. 2Here yo go.4 Mrs. Dones pla!es my brea"fast in front of me. My appetitehas 'anishe#& b t I eat any%ay& not %ishing to offen# her. >y the time I$'e finishe# %hat I !an of my brea"fast& 3hristian has still notemerge# from his st #y. Is he a'oi#ing me. 2(han"s& Mrs. Dones&4 I m rm r& sli#ing off the bar stool an# ma"ing my %ayto the bathroom to !lean my teeth. As I br sh them& I$m remin#e# of 3hristian$ss l" o'er the %e##ing 'o%s. He hole# p in his st #y then& too. Is that %hat this

A,4. A,:+55,is. Him s l"ing. I sh ##er as I re!all his s bseB ent nightmare. -ill that happenagain. -e really nee# to tal". I nee# to "no% abo t Da!" an# abo t the in!rease#se! rity for the 0reys;all the #etails that ha'e been "ept from me& b t not fromFate. /b'io sly Elliot tal"s to her. I glan!e at my %at!h. It$s eight fifty;I$m late for %or". I finish br shing myteeth& apply a little lip gloss& grab my light%eight bla!" =a!"et& an# hea# ba!" tothe great room. I am relie'e# to see 3hristian there& eating his brea"fast. 25o $re going.4 he says %hen he sees me. 2(o %or". 5es& of !o rse.4 >ra'ely& I %al" to%ar# him an# rest my han#s onthe e#ge of the brea"fast bar. He ga)es at me blan"ly. 23hristian& %e$'e har#ly been ba!" a %ee". I ha'e to go to %or".4 2> t;4 He stops& an# ra"es his han# thro gh his hair. Mrs. Dones %al"sB ietly o t of the room. Dis!reet& 0ail& #is!reet. 2I "no% %e ha'e a great #eal to tal" abo t. 6erhaps if yo $'e !alme# #o%n&%e !an #o it this e'ening.4 His mo th pops open %ith #ismay. 23alme# #o%n.4 His 'oi!e is eerily soft. I fl sh. 25o "no% %hat I mean.4 21o& Anastasia& I #on$t "no% %hat yo mean.4 2I #on$t %ant a fight. I %as !oming to as" yo if I !o l# ta"e my !ar.4 21o. 5o !an$t&4 he snaps. 2/"ay.4 I a!B ies!e imme#iately. He blin"s. He %as ob'io sly e9pe!ting a fight. 26res!ott %ill a!!ompanyyo .4 His tone is slightly less belligerent. Dammit& not 6res!ott. I %ant to po t an# protest b t #e!i#e against it. S relyno% Da!" has been !a ght %e !an ! t ba!" on o r se! rity. I remember my mom$s 2%or#s of %is#om4 tal" the #ay before my %e##ing.Ana& honey& yo really ha'e to !hoose yo r battles. It$ll be the same %ith yo r"i#s %hen yo ha'e them. -ell& at least he$s letting me go to %or". 2/"ay&4 I m tter. An# be!a se I #on$t %ant to lea'e him li"e this %ith som !h nresol'e# an# so m !h tension bet%een s& I step tentati'ely to%ar# him.He stiffens& his eyes %i#ening& an# for a moment he loo"s so ' lnerable it p lls atsome #eep& #ar" pla!e in my heart. /h& 3hristian& I$m so sorry. I "iss him!hastely on the si#e of his mo th. He !loses his eyes as if relishing my to !h. 2Don$t hate me&4 I %hisper. He grabs my han#. 2I #on$t hate yo .4 A,5. A,*+55, 25o ha'en$t "isse# me&4 I %hisper. He eyes me s spi!io sly. 2I "no%&4 he m tters. I$m #esperate to as" him %hy& b t I$m not s re I %ant to "no% the ans%er.Abr ptly he stan#s an# grabs my fa!e bet%een his han#s& an# in a flash his lipsare har# on mine. I gasp %ith s rprise& ina#'ertently granting his tong e a!!ess.He ta"es f ll a#'antage& in'a#ing my mo th& !laiming me& an# = st as I$m begin<ning to respon# he releases me& his breathing B i!"ening. 2(aylor %ill ta"e yo an# 6res!ott to SI6&4 he says& his eyes flaring %ithnee#. 2(aylor!4 he !alls. I fl sh& trying to re!o'er some !ompos re. 2Sir.4 (aylor is stan#ing in the #oor%ay. 2(ell 6res!ott Mrs. 0rey is going to %or". 3an yo #ri'e them& please.4 23ertainly.4 ( rning on his heel& (aylor #isappears. 2If yo !o l# try to stay o t of tro ble to#ay& I %o l# appre!iate it&4 3hristianm tters. 2I$ll see %hat I !an #o.4 I smile s%eetly. A rel !tant half smile t gs at 3hris<tian$s lips& b t he #oesn$t gi'e in to it. 2I$ll see yo later& then&4 he says !oolly. 2@aters&4 I %hisper. 6res!ott an# I ta"e the ser'i!e ele'ator #o%n to the basement garage in or#erto a'oi# the me#ia o tsi#e. Da!"$s arrest an# the fa!t he %as apprehen#e# in o rapartment are no% p bli! "no%le#ge. As I settle into the A #i& I %on#er

if there%ill be more papara))i %aiting at SI6 li"e the #ay o r engagement %asanno n!e#. -e #ri'e a %hile in silen!e ntil I remember to !all first Ray an# then mymom to reass re them that 3hristian an# I are safe. Mer!if lly& both !alls areshort& an# I hang p = st as %e arri'e o tsi#e SI6. As I feare#& there$s a small!ro%# of reporters an# photographers lying in %ait. (hey t rn as one& loo"ing e9<pe!tantly at the A #i. 2Are yo s re yo %ant to #o this& Mrs. 0rey.4 (aylor as"s. 6art of me = st%ants to go home& b t that means spen#ing the #ay %ith Mr. > rning Rage. Ihope that %ith a little time& he %ill gain some perspe!ti'e. Da!" is in poli!e ! s<to#y& so Fifty sho l# be happy& b t he$s not. 6art of me n#erstan#s %hyH toom !h of this is o t of his !ontrol in!l #ing me& b t I #on$t ha'e time to thin"abo t this no%. 2(a"e me aro n# to the #eli'ery entran!e& please& (aylor.4 A,7. A,8+55, 25es& ma$am.4It$s one o$!lo!" an# I$'e manage# to immerse myself in %or" all morning.(here$s a "no!" an# Eli)abeth pops her hea# aro n# the #oor. 23an I ha'e a moment.4 she as"s brightly. 2S re&4 I m tter& s rprise# at her ns!he# le# 'isit. She enters an# sits #o%n& tossing her long bla!" hair o'er her sho l#er. 2I= st %ante# to !he!" yo $re o"ay. Roa!h as"e# me to pay yo a 'isit&4 she a##sh rrie#ly as her fa!e re##ens. 2I mean %ith all that %ent on last night.4 Da!" Hy#e$s arrest is all o'er the ne%spapers& b t no one seems to ha'e ma#ethe !onne!tion yet %ith the fire at 0EH. 2I$m fine&4 I ans%er& trying not to thin" too #eeply abo t ho% I feel. Da!"%ante# to harm me. -ell& that$s not ne%s. He$s trie# before. It$s 3hristian I$mmore !on!erne# abo t. I glan!e B i!"ly at my e<mail. (here$s still nothing from him. I #on$t "no% ifI %ere to sen# him an e<mail& %hether I$# = st be pro'o"ing Mr. > rning Ragef rther. 20oo#&4 Eli)abeth ans%ers& an# her smile a!t ally to !hes her eyes for a!hange. 2If there$s anything I !an #o;anything yo nee#;let me "no%.4 2-ill #o.4 Eli)abeth stan#s. 2I "no% ho% b sy yo are& Ana. I$ll let yo get ba!" to it.4 2?m . . . than"s.4 (hat has to ha'e been the briefest most pointless meeting in the -esternHemisphere to#ay. -hy #i# Roa!h sen# her here. 6erhaps he$s %orrie#& gi'enI$m his boss$s %ife. I sha"e off the #ar" tho ghts an# rea!h for my >la!">erry inthe hope that there might be a message from 3hristian. As I #o& my %or" e<mailpings.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Statement A,:. AA0+55,DateL A g st A7& A0,, ,EL04(oL Anastasia 0reyAnastasiaDete!ti'e 3lar" %ill be 'isiting yo r offi!e to#ay at E pm to ta"e yo r statement.I ha'e insiste# that he sho l# !ome to yo & as I #on$t %ant yo going to the poli!estation.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. I ga)e at his e<mail for a f ll fi'e min tes& trying to thin" of a light an# %ittyresponse to lift his moo#. I #ra% a !omplete blan"& an# opt for bre'ity instea#.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL StatementDateL A g st A7& A0,, ,EL,A(oL 3hristian 0rey/"ay.A9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 I stare at the s!reen for another fi'e min tes& an9io s for his response b tthere$s nothing. 3hristian is not in the moo# to play to#ay. I sit ba!". 3an I blame him. My poor Fifty %as probably franti!& ba!" in theearly ho rs of this morning. (hen a tho ght o!! rs to me. He %as in his t 9 %henI %o"e this morning. -hat time #i# he #e!i#e to !ome ba!" from 1e% 5or".

Henormally lea'es f n!tions bet%een ten an# ele'en. @ast night at that ho r& I %asstill at large %ith Fate. Di# 3hristian !ome home be!a se I %as o t or be!a se of the Da!" in!i#ent.If he left be!a se I %as o t ha'ing a goo# time& he %o l# ha'e ha# no i#ea abo t A,*. AA,+55,Da!"& abo t the poli!e& nothing; ntil he lan#e# in Seattle. It$s s ##enly 'ery im<portant to me to fin# o t. If 3hristian !ame ba!" merely be!a se I %as o t& thenhe %as o'errea!ting. My s b!ons!io s s !"s her teeth& %earing her harpy fa!e./"ay& I$m gla# he$s ba!"& so maybe it$s irrele'ant. > t still;3hristian m st ha'eha# one hell of a sho!" %hen he lan#e#. 1o %on#er he$s so !onf se# to#ay. Hisearlier %or#s !ome ba!" to me. 2I am still f !"ing ma# at yo & Anastasia. 5o $rema"ing me B estion my = #gment.4 I ha'e to "no%;#i# he !ome ba!" be!a se of 3o!"tailgate or be!a se of thef !"ing l nati!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL 5o r FlightDateL A g st A7& A0,, ,ELA4(oL 3hristian 0rey-hat time #i# yo #e!i#e to !ome ba!" to Seattle yester#ay.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL 5o r flightDateL A g st A7& A0,, ,ELA7(oL Anastasia 0rey-hy.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. A,8. AAA+55,FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL 5o r FlightDateL A g st A7& A0,, ,ELA8(oL 3hristian 0rey3all it ! riosity.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL 5o r flightDateL A g st A7& A0,, ,ELEA(oL Anastasia 0rey3 riosity "ille# the !at.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL H h.DateL A g st A7& A0,, ,ELE5(oL 3hristian 0rey-hat is that obliB e referen!e to. Another threat.5o "no% %here I am going %ith this& #on$t yo .Di# yo #e!i#e to ret rn be!a se I %ent o t for a #rin" %ith my frien# after yo as"e# me not to& or #i# yo ret rn be!a se a ma#man %as in yo r apartment.Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 AA0. AAE+55, I stare at my s!reen. (here$s no response. I glan!e at the !lo!" on my !om<p ter. /ne forty<fi'e an# still no response.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Here$s the thing . . .DateL A g st A7& A0,, ,EL57(oL 3hristian 0reyI %ill ta"e yo r silen!e as an a#mission that yo #i# in#ee# ret rn to Seattle be<!a se I 3HA10ED M5 MI1D. I am an a# lt female an# %ent for a #rin" %ith myfrien#. I #i# not n#erstan# the se! rity ramifi!ations of 3HA10I10 M5 MI1Dbe!a se 5/? 1ECER (E@@ ME A15(HI10. I fo n# o t from Fate that se! rityhas& in fa!t& been steppe# p for all the 0reys& not = st s. I thin" yo generallyo'errea!t %here my safety is !on!erne#& an# I n#erstan# %hy& b t yo $re li"e theboy !rying %olf.I ne'er ha'e a !l e abo t %hat is a real !on!ern or merely something that is per< !ei'e# as a !on!ern by yo . I ha# t%o of the se! rity #etail %ith me. I tho ght bothFate an# I %o l# be safe. Fa!t is& %e %ere safer in that bar than at the apartment.Ha# I been F?@@5 I1F/RMED of the sit ation& I %o l# ha'e ta"en a #ifferent!o rse of a!tion.I n#erstan# yo r !on!erns are something to #o %ith material that %as on Da!"$s!omp ter here;or so Fate belie'es. Do yo "no% ho% annoying it is to fin# o t mybest frien# "no%s more abo t %hat$s going on %ith yo than I #o. An# I am yo r-IFE. So are yo going

to tell me. /r %ill yo !ontin e to treat me li"e a !hil#&g aranteeing that I !ontin e to beha'e li"e one.5o are not the only one %ho is f !"ing pisse#. /"ay.AnaAnastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 I hit sen#. (here; sti!" that in yo r pipe an# smo"e it& 0rey. I ta"e a #eepbreath. I ha'e %or"e# myself p into B ite a rage. Here %as I feeling sorry an#g ilty for beha'ing ba#ly. -ell& no longer. AA,. AA4+55,FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Here$s the thing . . .DateL A g st A7& A0,, ,EL58(oL Anastasia 0reyAs e'er& Mrs. 0rey& yo are forthright an# !hallenging in e<mail.6erhaps %e !an #is! ss this %hen yo get home to /?R apartment.5o sho l# %at!h yo r lang age. I am still f !"ing pisse#& too.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. -at!h my lang age! I s!o%l at my !omp ter& reali)ing this is getting meno%here. I #on$t respon#& b t pi!" p a man s!ript re!ently re!ei'e# from apromising ne% a thor an# begin to rea#.My meeting %ith Dete!ti'e 3lar" is ne'entf l. He is less gro%ly than the nightbefore& maybe be!a se he$s manage# some sleep. /r maybe he = st prefers %or"<ing # ring the #ay. 2(han" yo for yo r statement& Mrs. 0rey.4 25o $re %el!ome& #ete!ti'e. Is Hy#e in poli!e ! sto#y yet.4 25es ma$am. He %as release# from hospital earlier this morning. -ith %hathe$s !harge# %ith& he sho l# be %ith s for a %hile.4 He smiles& his #ar" eyes!rin"ling in the !orner. 20oo#. (his has been an an9io s time for my h sban# an# me.4 2I spo"e at length %ith Mr. 0rey this morning. He$s 'ery relie'e#. Interestingman& yo r h sban#.4 5o ha'e no i#ea. 25es& I thin" so.4 I offer him a polite smile& an# he "no%s he$s being#ismisse#. 2If yo thin" of anything& yo !an !all me. Here$s my !ar#.4 He %restles a!ar# o t of his %allet an# han#s it to me. 2(han" yo & #ete!ti'e. I$ll #o that.4 AAA. AA5+55, 20oo# #ay to yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 20oo# #ay.4 As he lea'es& I %on#er e9a!tly %hat Hy#e has been !harge# %ith. 1o #o bt3hristian %on$t tell me. I p rse my lips.-e ri#e in silen!e to Es!ala. Sa%yer is #ri'ing this time& 6res!ott at his si#e& an#my heart gro%s hea'ier an# hea'ier as %e hea# ba!". I "no% 3hristian an# I aregoing to ha'e an almighty fight& an# I #on$t "no% if I ha'e the energy. As I ri#e in the ele'ator from the garage %ith 6res!ott besi#e me& I try to mar<shal my tho ghts. -hat #o I %ant to say. I thin" I sai# it all in my e<mail. 6erhapshe$ll gi'e me some ans%ers. I hope so. I !an$t help my ner'es. My heart is po n#<ing& my mo th is #ry& an# my palms are s%eaty. I #on$t %ant to fight. > t some<times he$s so #iffi! lt& an# I nee# to stan# my gro n#. (he ele'ator #oors sli#e open& re'ealing the foyer& an# it$s on!e more neatan# ti#y. (he table is pright an# a ne% 'ase is in pla!e %ith a gorgeo s array ofpale pin" an# %hite peonies. I B i!"ly !he!" the paintings as %e %an#erthro gh;the Ma#onnas all loo" to be inta!t. (he bro"en foyer #oor is fi9e# an#operational on!e more& an# 6res!ott "in#ly opens it for me. She$s been so B ietto#ay. I thin" I prefer her this %ay. I #rop my brief!ase in the hall an# hea# into the great room. I stop. Holy f !". 20oo# e'ening& Mrs. 0rey&4 3hristian says softly. He$s stan#ing by the pi< ano& #resse# in a tight bla!" (<shirt& an# =eans . . . those =eans;the ones he %orein the playroom. /h my. (hey are o'er %ashe# pale<bl e #enim& sn g& rippe# atthe "nee an# hot. He sa nters o'er to me& his feet bare& the top

b tton of the =eans n#one& his smol#ering eyes ne'er lea'ing mine. 20oo# to ha'e yo home. I$'e been %aiting for yo .4 AAE. 2Ha'e yo no%.4 I %hisper. My mo th goes #rier still& my heart po n#ing in my!hest. -hy$s he #resse# li"e this. -hat #oes it mean. Is he still s l"ing. 2I ha'e.4 His 'oi!e is "itten soft& b t he$s smir"ing as he strolls !loser to me. Holy !rap he loo"s hot;his =eans hanging that %ay from his hips. /h no& I$mnot going to be #istra!te# by Mr. Se9<on<@egs. I try to ga ge his moo# as hestal"s to%ar# me. Angry. 6layf l. @ stf l. 0ah! It$s impossible to tell. 2I li"e yo r =eans&4 I m rm r. He grins a #isarming %olfish grin that #oesn$trea!h his eyes. Shit;he$s still ma#. He$s %earing these to #istra!t me. He halts in AA4. AA:+55,front of me& an# I$m seare# by his intensity. He ga)es #o%n& %i#e nrea#able eyesb rning into mine. I s%allo%. 2I n#erstan# yo ha'e iss es& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says sil"ily& an# he p llssomething from the ba!" po!"et of his =eans. I !an$t tear my ga)e from his& b thear him nfol# a pie!e of paper. He hol#s it p& an# glan!ing briefly in its #ire!<tion& I re!ogni)e my e<mail. My ga)e ret rns to his& as his eyes bla)e bright %ithanger. 25es& I ha'e iss es&4 I %hisper& feeling breathless. I nee# #istan!e if %e$regoing to #is! ss this. > t before I !an step ba!"& he leans #o%n an# r ns his nosealong mine. My eyes fl tter to a !lose as I %el!ome his ne9pe!te#& gentle to !h. 2So #o I&4 he %hispers against my s"in& an# I open my eyes at his %or#s. Hestraightens an# ga)es intently at me on!e more. 2I thin" I$m familiar %ith yo r iss es& 3hristian.4 My 'oi!e is %ry& an# henarro%s his eyes& s ppressing the am sement that spar"s there momentarily. Are%e going to fight. I ta"e a pre!a tionary step ba!". I m st physi!ally #istan!e my<self from him;from his smell& his loo"& his #istra!ting bo#y in those hot =eans.He fro%ns as I mo'e a%ay. 2-hy #i# yo fly ba!" from 1e% 5or".4 I %hisper. @et$s get this o'er an##one %ith. 25o "no% %hy.4 His tone !arries a %arning ring. 2>e!a se I %ent o t %ith Fate.4 2>e!a se yo %ent ba!" on yo r %or#& an# yo #efie# me& p tting yo rselfat nne!essary ris".4 2-ent ba!" on my %or#. Is that ho% yo see it.4 I gasp& ignoring the rest ofhis senten!e. 25es.4 Holy !rap. (al" abo t o'errea!tion! I start to roll my eyes b t stop %hen hes!o%ls at me. 23hristian& I !hange# my min#&4 I e9plain slo%ly& patiently as ifhe$s a !hil#. 2I$m a %oman. -e$re reno%ne# for it. (hat$s %hat %e #o.4 He blin"s at me as if he #oesn$t !omprehen# this. 2If I ha# tho ght for one min te that yo %o l# !an!el yo r b siness trip . . .4-or#s fail me. I reali)e I #on$t "no% %hat to say. I am momentarily !atap lte#ba!" to the arg ment o'er o r 'o%s. I ne'er promise# to obey yo & 3hristian. > tI hol# my tong e& be!a se #eep #o%n I$m gla# he !ame ba!". In spite of his f ry&I$m gla# he$s here in one pie!e& angry an# smol#ering in front of me. AA5. AA*+55, 25o !hange# yo r min#.4 He !an$t hi#e his !ontempt o s #isbelief. 25es.4 2An# yo #i#n$t thin" to !all me.4 He glares at me& in!re# lo s& before !on<tin ing. 2-hat$s more& yo left the se! rity #etail short here an# p t Ryan atris".4 /h. I ha#n$t tho ght abo t that. 2I sho l#

ha'e !alle#& b t I #i#n$t %ant to %orry yo . If I ha#& I$m s re yo %o l# ha'e forbi##en me to go an# I$'e misse# Fate. I %ante# to see her.>esi#es& it "ept me o t of the %ay %hen Da!" %as here. Ryan sho l#n$t ha'e lethim in.4 (his is so !onf sing. If Ryan ha#n$t& Da!" %o l# still be at large. 3hristian$s eyes gleam %il#ly& then sh t& his fa!e tightening as if in pain. /h&no. He sha"es his hea#& an# before I "no% it he has fol#e# me in his arms& p llingme har# against him. 2/h Ana&4 he %hispers as he tightens his hol# on me so that I !an barelybreathe. 2If something %ere to happen to yo ;4 His 'oi!e is barely a %hisper. 2It #i#n$t&4 I manage to say. 2> t it !o l# ha'e. I$'e #ie# a tho san# #eaths to#ay thin"ing abo t %hatmight ha'e happene#. I %as so ma#& Ana. Ma# at yo . Ma# at myself. Ma# ate'eryone. I !an$t remember being this angry . . . e9!ept;4 He stops again. 2E9!ept.4 I prompt. 2/n!e in yo r ol# apartment. -hen @eila %as there.4 /h. I #on$t %ant to thin" abo t that. 25o %ere so !ol# this morning&4 I m rm r. My 'oi!e !ra!"s on the last%or# as I remember the hi#eo s feeling of re=e!tion in the sho%er. His han#smo'e to the nape of my ne!"& loosening their grip on me& an# I ta"e a #eep breath.He p lls my hea# ba!". 2I #on$t "no% ho% to #eal %ith this anger. I #on$t thin" I %ant to h rt yo &4he says& his eyes %i#e an# %ary. 2(his morning& I %ante# to p nish yo & ba#lyan#;4 He stops& lost for %or#s I thin"& or too afrai# to say them. 25o %ere %orrie# yo $# h rt me.4 I finish his senten!e for him& not belie'<ing that he$# h rt me for a min te& b t relie'e#& too. A small 'i!io s part of mefeare# it %as be!a se he #i#n$t %ant me anymore. 2I #i#n$t tr st myself&4 he says B ietly. 23hristian& I "no% yo $# ne'er h rt me. 1ot physi!ally& any%ay.4 I !lasp hishea# bet%een my han#s. AA7. AA8+55, 2Do yo .4 he as"s& an# there$s s"epti!ism in his 'oi!e. 25es. I "ne% %hat yo sai# %as an empty& i#le threat. I "no% yo $re not go<ing to beat the shit o t of me.4 2I %ante# to.4 21o yo #i#n$t. 5o = st tho ght yo #i#.4 2I #on$t "no% if that$s tr e&4 he m rm rs. 2(hin" abo t it&4 I rge& %rapping my arms aro n# him on!e more an# n ))<ling his !hest thro gh the bla!" (<shirt. 2Abo t ho% yo felt %hen I left. 5o $'etol# me often eno gh %hat that #i# to yo . Ho% it altere# yo r 'ie% of the %orl#&of me. I "no% %hat yo $'e gi'en p for me. (hin" abo t ho% yo felt abo t the! ff mar"s on o r honeymoon.4 He stills& an# I "no% he$s pro!essing this information. I tighten my armsaro n# him& my han#s on his ba!"& feeling his ta t tone# m s!les beneath his (<shirt. 0ra# ally& he rela9es as the tension slo%ly ebbs a%ay. Is this %hat$s been %orrying him. (hat he$ll h rt me. -hy #o I ha'e morefaith in him than he has in himself. I #on$t n#erstan#& s rely %e$'e mo'e# on.He$s normally so strong& so in !ontrol& b t %itho t that& he$s lost. /h& Fifty& Fifty&Fifty;I$m sorry. He "isses my hair& I t rn my fa!e p to his& an# his lips fin#mine& sear!hing& ta"ing& gi'ing& begging;for %hat& I #on$t "no%. I = st %ant tofeel his mo th on mine& an# I ret rn his "iss passionately. 25o ha'e s !h faith in me&4 he %hispers after he brea"s a%ay. 2I #o.4 He stro"es my fa!e %ith the ba!" of his "n !"les an# the tip of histh mb& ga)ing intently into my eyes. His anger has gone. My Fifty is ba!" from%here'er he$s been. It$s goo# to see him. I glan!e shyly p an# smir". 2>esi#es&4 I %hisper& 2yo #on$t ha'e the paper%or".4 His mo th #rops open

in am se# sho!"& an# he !l t!hes me to his !hestagain. 25o $re right. I #on$t.4 He la ghs. -e stan# in the mi##le of the great room& lo!"e# in o r embra!e& = st hol#ingea!h other. 23ome to be#&4 he %hispers& after hea'en "no%s ho% long. /h my . . . 23hristian& %e nee# to tal".4 2@ater&4 he rges softly. 23hristian& please. (al" to me.4 AA:. AE0+55, He sighs. 2Abo t %hat.4 25o "no%. 5o "eep me in the #ar".4 2I %ant to prote!t yo .4 2I$m not a !hil#.4 2I am f lly a%are of that& Mrs. 0rey.4 He r ns his han#s #o%n my bo#y an#! ps my ba!"si#e. Fle9ing his hips& he presses his gro%ing ere!tion into me. 23hristian!4 I s!ol#. 2(al" to me.4 He sighs on!e more %ith e9asperation. 2-hat #o yo %ant to "no%.4 His'oi!e is resigne# as he releases me. I ba l";I #i#n$t mean yo ha# to let me go.(a"ing my han#& he rea!hes #o%n to pi!" p my e<mail from the floor. 2@ots of things&4 I m tter& as I let him lea# me to the !o !h. 2Sit&4 he or#ers. Some things ne'er !hange& I m se& #oing as I$m tol#. 3hris<tian sits besi#e me& an# leaning for%ar#& p ts his hea# in his han#s. /h no. Is this too har# for him. (hen he sits p& ra"es both han#s thro gh hishair& an# t rns to me& at on!e e9pe!tant an# re!on!ile# to his fate. 2As" me&4 he says simply. /h. -ell& that %as easier than I tho ght. 2-hy the a##itional se! rity foryo r family.4 2Hy#e %as a threat to them.4 2Ho% #o yo "no%.4 2From his !omp ter. It hel# personal #etails abo t me an# the rest of my fam<ily. Espe!ially 3arri!".4 23arri!". -hy him.4 2I #on$t "no% yet. @et$s go to be#.4 23hristian& tell me!4 2(ell yo %hat.4 25o are so . . . e9asperating.4 2So are yo .4 He glares at me. 25o #i#n$t ramp p the se! rity %hen yo first fo n# o t there %as informa<tion abo t yo r family on the !omp ter. So %hat happene#. -hy no%.4 3hristian narro%s his eyes at me. 2I #i#n$t "no% he %as going to attempt to b rn #o%n my b il#ing& or;4 Hestops. 2-e tho ght it %as an n%el!ome obsession& b t yo "no%4;heshr gs ;2%hen yo $re in the p bli! eye& people are intereste#. It %as ran#omst ffL ne%s reports on me from %hen I %as at Har'ar#;my ro%ing& my !areer. AA*. AE,+55,Reports on 3arri!";follo%ing his !areer& follo%ing my mom$s !areer;an# tosome e9tent& Elliot an# Mia. Ho% strange. 25o sai# or&4 I prompt. 2/r %hat.4 25o sai#& Zattempt to b rn #o%n my b il#ing& or . . .$ li"e yo %ere going tosay something else.4 2Are yo h ngry.4 -hat. I fro%n at him& an# my stoma!h r mbles. 2Di# yo eat to#ay.4 His 'oi!e is sterner an# his eyes frost. I$m betraye# by my fl sh. 2As I tho ght.4 His 'oi!e is !lippe#. 25o "no% ho% I feel abo t yo noteating. 3ome&4 he says. He stan#s an# hol#s o t his han#. 2@et me fee# yo .4 An#he shifts again . . . this time his 'oi!e f ll of sens al promise. 2Fee# me.4 I %hisper as e'erything so th of my na'el liB efies. Hell. (his iss !h a typi!ally mer! rial #i'ersion from %hat %e$'e been #is! ssing. Is that it.Is that all I$m getting o t of him for no%. @ea#ing me o'er to the "it!hen& 3hristi<an grabs a bar stool an# hefts it aro n# to the other si#e of the islan#. 2Sit&4 he says. 2-here$s Mrs. Dones.4 I as"& noti!ing her absen!e for the first time as I per!hon the stool. 2I$'e gi'en her an# (aylor the night off.4 /h. 2-hy.4 He ga)es at me for a beat& an# his arrogant am sement is ba!". 2>e!a se I!an.4 2So yo $re going to !oo".4 I gi'e him an in!re# lo s smir". 2/h& ye of little faith& Mrs. 0rey.

3lose yo r eyes.4 -o%. I tho ght %e %ere going to ha'e a f ll<on fight& an# here %e are& play<ing in the "it!hen. 23lose them&4 he or#ers. I roll them first& then oblige. 2Hmm. 1ot goo# eno gh&4 he m tters. I open one eye an# see him ta"e apl m<!olore# sil" s!arf o t of the ba!" po!"et of his =eans. It mat!hes my #ress.Holy !o%. I loo" B i))i!ally at him. -hen #i# he get that. AA8. AEA+55, 23lose&4 he or#ers again. 21o pee"ing.4 25o $re going to blin#fol# me.4 I m tter& sho!"e#. All of a s ##en I$mbreathless. 25es.4 23hristian;4 He pla!es a finger pon my lips& silen!ing me. I %ant to tal". 2-e$ll tal" later. I %ant yo to eat no%. 5o sai# yo %ere h ngry.4 Helightly "isses my lips. (he sil" of the s!arf is soft against my eyeli#s as he ties itse! rely at the ba!" of my hea#. 23an yo see.4 he as"s. 21o&4 I m tter& fig rati'ely rolling my eyes. He !h !"les softly. 2I !an tell %hen yo $re rolling yo r eyes& . . . an# yo "no% ho% that ma"esme feel.4 I p rse my lips. 23an %e = st get this o'er an# #one %ith.4 I snap. 2S !h impatien!e& Mrs. 0rey. So eager to tal".4 His tone is playf l. 25es!4 2I m st fee# yo first&4 he says an# br shes his lips o'er my temple& !almingme instantly. /"ay . . . ha'e it yo r %ay. I resign myself to my fate an# listen to his mo'e<ments aro n# the "it!hen. (he fri#ge #oor opens& an# 3hristian pla!es 'ario s#ishes on the !o ntertop behin# me. He pa#s o'er to the mi!ro%a'e& popssomething in& an# t rns it on. My ! riosity is piB e#. I hear the toaster le'er #rop&the t rn of the !ontrol& an# the B iet ti!" of the timer. Hmm;toast. 25es. I am eager to tal"&4 I m rm r& #istra!te#. An assortment of e9oti!&spi!y aromas fills the "it!hen& an# I shift in my !hair. 2>e still& Anastasia&4 he m rm rs& an# he$s !lose to me again. 2I %ant yo tobeha'e . . . &4 he %hispers. /h my. My inner go##ess free)es& not e'en blin"ing. 2An# #on$t bite yo r lip.4 0ently he t gs my bottom lip free of my teeth& an#I !an$t help my smile. 1e9t& I hear the sharp pop of a !or" being #ra%n from a bottle an# the gentlegl g of %ine being po re# into a glass. (hen a moment of silen!e follo%e# by aB iet !li!" an# the soft hiss of %hite noise from the s rro n#<so n# spea"ers asthey !ome to life. A lo # t%ang of a g itar begins a song I #on$t "no%. 3hristian AE0. AEE+55,t rns the 'ol me #o%n to ba!"gro n# le'el. A man starts to sing& his 'oi!e #eep&lo%& an# se9y. 2A #rin" first& I thin"&4 3hristian %hispers& #i'erting me from the song.2Hea# ba!".4 I tip my hea# ba!". 2F rther&4 he prompts. I oblige& an# his lips are on mine. 3ool !risp %ine flo%s into my mo th. Is%allo% refle9i'ely. /h my. Memories floo# ba!" of not so long ago;me tr sse# p on my be# in Can!o 'er before I gra# ate# %ith a hot& angry 3hristian not ap<pre!iating my e<mail. Hmm . . . ha'e times !hange#. 1ot m !h. E9!ept no% I re<!ogni)e the %ine& 3hristian$s fa'orite;a San!erre. 2Hmm&4 I m rm r in appre!iation. 25o li"e the %ine.4 he %hispers& his breath %arm on my !hee". I$m bathe#in his pro9imity& his 'itality& the heat ra#iating from his bo#y& e'en tho gh he#oesn$t to !h me. 25es&4 I breathe. 2More.4 2I al%ays %ant more& %ith yo .4 I almost hear his grin. It ma"es me grin& too. 2Mrs. 0rey& are yo flirting %ithme.4 25es.4 His %e##ing ring !lin"s against the glass as he ta"es another sip of %ine.1o% that is a se9y so n#. (his time he p lls my

hea# right ba!"& !ra#ling me. He"isses me on!e more& an# gree#ily I s%allo% the %ine he gi'es me. He smiles ashe "isses me again. 2H ngry.4 2I thin" %e$'e alrea#y establishe# that& Mr. 0rey.4 (he tro ba#o r on the i6o# is singing abo t %i!"e# games. Hmm . . . Ho%apt. (he mi!ro%a'e pings& an# 3hristian releases me. I sit pright. (he foo#smells spi!yL garli!& mint& oregano& rosemary& an# lamb& I thin". (he #oor to themi!ro%a'e opens& an# the appeti)ing smell gro%s stronger. 2Shit! 3hrist!4 3hristian ! rses& an# a #ish !latters onto the !o ntertop. /h Fifty! 25o o"ay.4 25es!4 he snaps& his 'oi!e tight. A moment later& he$s stan#ing besi#e meon!e more. AE,. AE4+55, 2I = st b rne# myself. Here.4 He eases his in#e9 finger into my mo th.2Maybe yo !o l# s !" it better.4 2/h.4 3lasping his han#& I #ra% his finger slo%ly from my mo th. 2(here&there&4 I soothe& an# leaning for%ar# I blo%& !ooling his finger& then "iss it gentlyt%i!e. He stops breathing. I reinsert it into my mo th an# s !" gently. He inhalessharply& an# the so n# tra'els straight to my groin. He tastes as #eli!io s as e'er&an# I reali)e that this is his game;the slo% se# !tion of his %ife. I tho ght he%as ma#& an# no% . . . . (his man& my h sban#& is so !onf sing. > t this is ho% Ili"e him. 6layf l. F n. Se9y as hell. He$s gi'en me some ans%ers& b t I$m gree#y.I %ant more& b t I %ant to play& too. After the an9iety an# tension of to#ay& an#the nightmare of last night %ith Da!"& this is a %el!ome #i'ersion. 2-hat are yo thin"ing.4 3hristian m rm rs& stopping my tho ghts in theirtra!"s as he p lls his finger o t of my mo th. 2Ho% mer! rial yo are.4 He stills besi#e me. 2Fifty Sha#es& baby&4 he says e'ent ally an# plants aten#er "iss at the !orner of my mo th. 2My Fifty Sha#es&4 I %hisper. 0rabbing his (<shirt& I p ll him ba!" to me. 2/h no yo #on$t& Mrs. 0rey. 1o to !hing . . . not yet.4 He ta"es my han#&pries it off his (<shirt& an# "isses ea!h finger in t rn. 2Sit p&4 he !omman#s. I po t. 2I %ill span" yo if yo po t. 1o% open %i#e.4 /h shit. I open my mo th& an# he pops in a for"f l of spi!y hot lamb !o'ere#in a !ool& minty& yog rt sa !e. Mmm. I !he%. 25o li"e.4 25es.4 He ma"es an appre!iati'e noise& an# I "no% he$s eating an# en=oying& too. 2More.4 I no#. He gi'es me another for"f l& an# I !he% it enth siasti!ally. He p ts thefor" #o%n an# he tears . . . brea#& I thin". 2/pen&4 he or#ers. (his time it$s pita brea# an# h mm s. I reali)e Mrs. Dones;or maybe e'en3hristian;has been shopping at the #eli!atessen I #is!o'ere# abo t fi'e %ee"sago only t%o blo!"s from Es!ala. I !he% gratef lly. 3hristian in a playf l moo#in!reases my appetite. AEA. AE5+55, 2More.4 he as"s. I no#. 2More of e'erything. 6lease. I$m star'ing.4 I hear his #elighte# grin. Slo%ly an# patiently he fee#s me& o!!asionally "iss<ing a morsel of foo# from the !orner of my mo th or %iping it off %ith his fin<gers. Intermittently& he offers me a sip of %ine in his niB e %ay. 2/pen %i#e& then bite&4 he m rm rs. I follo% his !omman#. Hmm;one ofmy fa'orites& st ffe# 'ine lea'es. E'en !ol# they are #eli!io s& tho gh I preferthem heate# p& b t I #on$t %ant to ris" 3hristian b rning himself again. He fee#sit to me slo%ly& an# %hen I$'e finishe# I li!" his fingers !lean. 2More.4 he as"s& his 'oi!e lo% an# h s"y. I sha"e my hea#. I$m f ll. 20oo#&4 he %hispers against my ear& 2be!a se it$s time for my

fa'orite!o rse. 5o .4 He s!oops me p in his arms& s rprising me so m !h I sB eal. 23an I ta"e the blin#fol# off.4 21o.4 I almost po t& then remember his threat an# thin" better of it. 26layroom&4 he m rm rs. /h;I #on$t "no% if that$s a goo# i#ea. 25o p for the !hallenge.4 he as"s. An# be!a se he$s se# the %or# !hal<lenge& I !an$t say no. 2>ring it on&4 I m rm r& #esire an# something that I #on$t %ant to namethr m thro gh my bo#y. He !arries me thro gh the #oor& then p the stairs to these!on# floor. 2I thin" yo $'e lost %eight&4 he m tters #isappro'ingly. I ha'e. 0oo#. I re<member his !omment %hen %e arri'e# ba!" from o r honeymoon& an# ho% m !hit smarte#. Dee); %as that = st a %ee" ago. / tsi#e the playroom& he sli#es me #o%n his bo#y an# sets me on my feet&b t "eeps his arm %rappe# aro n# my %aist. >ris"ly he nlo!"s the #oor. It al%ays smells the sameL polishe# %oo# an# !itr s. It$s a!t ally be!ome a!omforting smell. Releasing me& 3hristian t rns me aro n# ntil I$m fa!ing a%ayfrom him. He n#oes the s!arf& an# I blin" in the soft light. 0ently& he p lls thehairpins from my p#o& an# my brai# falls free. He grasps it an# t gs gently so Iha'e to step ba!" against him. 2I ha'e a plan&4 he %hispers in my ear& sen#ing #eli!io s shi'ers #o%n myspine. AEE. AE7+55, 2I tho ght yo might&4 I ans%er. He "isses me beneath my ear. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey& I #o.4 His tone is soft& mesmeri)ing. He t gs my brai# to thesi#e an# plants a trail of soft "isses #o%n my throat. 2First %e ha'e to get yo na"e#.4 His 'oi!e h ms lo% in his throat an# reson<ates thro gh my bo#y. I %ant this;%hate'er he has planne#. I %ant to !onne!tthe %ay %e "no% ho%. He t rns me aro n# to fa!e him. I glan!e #o%n at his=eans& the top b tton still n#one& an# I !an$t help myself. I br sh my in#e9 fingeraro n# the %aistban#& a'oi#ing his (<shirt& feeling the hairs of his happy trailti!"le my "n !"le. He inhales sharply& an# I loo" p to meet his eyes. I stop at the nfastene# b tton. His eyes #ar"en to a #eeper gray . . . oh my. 25o sho l# "eep these on&4 I %hisper. 2I f lly inten# to& Anastasia.4 An# he mo'es& grabbing me %ith one han# to the ba!" of my ne!" an# theother aro n# my ba!"si#e. He p lls me against him& then his mo th is on mine&an# he$s "issing me li"e his life #epen#s on it. -hoa! He %al"s me ba!"%ar#& o r tong es ent%ine#& ntil I feel the %oo#en !rossbehin# me. He leans into me& the !onto rs of his bo#y pressing into mine. 2@et$s get ri# of this #ress&4 he says& peeling my #ress p my thighs& my hips&my belly . . . #eli!io sly slo%ly& the material s"imming o'er my s"in& s"immingo'er my breasts. 2@ean for%ar#&4 he says. I !omply& an# he p lls my #ress o'er my hea# an# #is!ar#s it on the floor&lea'ing me in my san#als& panties& an# bra. His eyes bla)e as he grasps both myhan#s an# raises them o'er my hea#. He blin"s on!e an# tilts his hea# to one si#e&an# I "no% he$s as"ing for my permission. -hat is he going to #o to me. I s%al<lo%& then no#& an# a tra!e of an a#miring& almost pro #& smile to !hes his lips. He!lips my %rists into the leather ! ffs on the bar abo'e an# pro# !es the s!arf on!emore. 2(hin" yo $'e seen eno gh&4 he m rm rs. He %raps it aro n# my hea#&blin#fol#ing me again& an# I feel a frisson r n thro gh me as all my other sensesheightenH the so n# of his soft breathing& my o%n e9!ite# response& the bloo#p lsing in my ears& 3hristian$s s!ent mi9e# %ith the !itr s an# polish in theroom;all are bo ght into sharper fo! s be!a se I !an$t see. His nose to !hesmine.

AE4. AE:+55, 2I$m going to #ri'e yo %il#&4 he %hispers. His han#s grasp my hips& an# hemo'es #o%n& remo'ing my panties as his han#s gli#e #o%n my legs. Dri'e me%il# . . . %o%. 2@ift yo r feet& one at a time.4 I oblige an# he remo'es first my panties& thenea!h san#al in t rn. 0ently grasping my an"le& he t gs my leg gently to the right. 2Step&4 he says. He ! ffs my right an"le to the !ross then pro!ee#s to #o thesame %ith my left. I am helpless& sprea#<eagle# on the !ross. Stan#ing& 3hristiansteps to%ar# me& an# my bo#y is bathe# in his %armth on!e more tho gh he#oesn$t to !h me. After a moment he grasps my !hin& tilts my hea# p& an# "issesme !hastely. 2Some m si! an# toys& I thin". 5o loo" bea tif l li"e this& Mrs. 0rey. I mayta"e a moment to a#mire the 'ie%.4 His 'oi!e is soft. E'erything !len!hes #eepinsi#e. After a moment& maybe t%o& I hear him pa# B ietly to the m se m !hest an#open one of the #ra%ers. (he b tt #ra%er. I ha'e no i#ea. He ta"es something o tan# pla!es it on the top& follo%e# by something else. (he spea"ers spring to life&an# after a moment the strains of a single piano playing a soft& lilting melo#y fillthe room. It$s familiar;>a!h& I thin";b t I #on$t "no% %hat pie!e it is. So<mething abo t the m si! ma"es me apprehensi'e. 6erhaps be!a se the m si! istoo !ool& too #eta!he#. I fro%n& trying to grasp %hy it nsettles me& b t 3hristiangrasps my !hin& startling me& an# t gs gently so that I release my bottom lip. Ismile& trying to reass re myself. -hy #o feel neasy. Is it the m si!. 3hristian r ns his han# from my !hin& along my throat& an# #o%n my !hest tomy breast. ?sing his th mb he p lls on the ! p& freeing my breast from the re<straint of my bra. He ma"es a lo%& appre!iati'e h mming noise in his throat an#"isses my ne!". His lips follo% the path of his fingers to my breast& "issing an#s !"ing all the %ay. His fingers mo'e to my left breast& releasing it from my bra. Imoan as he s"ates his th mb a!ross my left nipple& an# his lips !lose aro n# myright& t gging an# teasing gently ntil both nipples are long an# har#. 2Ah.4 He #oesn$t stop. -ith e9B isite !are& he slo%ly in!reases the intensity onea!h. I p ll fr itlessly against my restraints as sharp pleas re spi"es from mynipples to my groin. I try to sB irm b t I !an har#ly mo'e& an# it ma"es the tort reall the more intense. 23hristian&4 I plea#. AE5. AE*+55, 2I "no%&4 he m rm rs his 'oi!e hoarse. 2(his is %hat yo ma"e me feel.4 -hat. I groan& an# he begins again& s b=e!ting my nipples to his s%eet agon<i)ing to !h o'er an# o'er;ta"ing me !loser. 26lease&4 I me%l. He ma"es a lo% primal so n# in his throat& then stan#s& lea'ing me bereft&breathless& an# sB irming against my restraints. He r ns his han#s #o%n my si#es&one pa sing on my hip %hile the other tra'els #o%n my belly. 2@et$s see ho% yo $re #oing&4 he !roons softly. 0ently& he ! ps my se9&br shing his th mb a!ross my !litoris an# ma"ing me !ry o t. Slo%ly& he insertsone& then t%o fingers insi#e me. I groan an# thr st my hips for%ar#& eager to meethis fingers an# the palm of his han#. 2/h& Anastasia& yo $re so rea#y&4 he says. He !ir!les his fingers insi#e me& aro n# an# aro n#& %hile his th mb stro"esmy !litoris& ba!" an# forth& on!e more. It$s the only point on my bo#y %here he$sto !hing me& an# all the tension& all the an9iety of the #ay& is !on!entrate# on thisone part of my anatomy. Holy shit . . . it$s intense . . . an# strange . . . the m si! . . . I begin to b il# . . .3hristian shifts&

his han# still mo'ing against an# in me& an# I hear a lo% b ))ingnoise. 2-hat.4 I gasp. 2H sh&4 he soothes& an# his lips are on mine& effe!ti'ely silen!ing me. I %el<!ome the %armer& more intimate !onta!t& "issing him 'ora!io sly. He brea"s the!onta!t an# the b ))ing noise gets nearer. 2(his is a %an#& baby. It 'ibrates.4 He hol#s it against my !hest& an# it feels li"e a large ball<li"e ob=e!t 'ibratingagainst me. I shi'er as it mo'es a!ross my s"in& #o%n bet%een my breasts& a!rossto first one& then the other nipple& an# I$m a%ash %ith sensation& tingling e'ery<%here& synapses firing as #ar"& #ar" nee# pools at the base of my belly. 2Ah&4 I groan %hile 3hristian$s fingers !ontin e to mo'e insi#e me. I$m!lose . . . all this stim lation . . . (ilting my hea# ba!"& I moan lo #ly an# 3hristi<an stills his fingers. All sensation stops. 21o! 3hristian&4 I plea#& trying to thr st my hips for%ar# for some fri!tion. 2Still& baby&4 he says %hile my impen#ing orgasm melts a%ay. He leans for<%ar# on!e more an# "isses me. 2Fr strating& isn$t it.4 he m rm rs. AE7. AE8+55, /h no! S ##enly I n#erstan# his game. 23hristian& please.4 2H sh&4 he says an# "isses me. An# he starts to mo'e again;%an#& fingers&th mb;a lethal !ombination of sens al tort re. He shifts so his bo#y br shesagainst mine. He$s still #resse#& an# the soft #enim of his =eans br shes againstmy leg& his ere!tion at my hip. So tantali)ingly !lose. He brings me to the brin"again& my bo#y singing %ith nee#& an# stops. 21o&4 I me%l lo #ly. He plants soft %et "isses on my sho l#er as he %ith#ra%s his fingers fromme& an# mo'es the %an# #o%n. It os!illates o'er my stoma!h& my belly& onto myse9& against my !litoris. F !"& it$s intense. 2Ah!4 I !ry o t& p lling har# on the restraints. My bo#y is so sensiti)e# I feel I am going to e9plo#e& an# = st as I am& 3hris<tian stops again. 23hristian!4 I !ry o t. 2Fr strating& yes.4 he m rm rs against my throat. 2D st li"e yo . 6romisingone thing an# then . . .4 His 'oi!e trails off. 23hristian& please!4 I beg. He p shes the %an# against me again an# again& stopping = st at the 'ital mo<ment ea!h time. Ah! 2Ea!h time I stop& it feels more intense %hen I start again. Right.4 26lease&4 I %himper. My ner'e en#ings are s!reaming for release. (he b ))ing stops an# 3hristian "isses me. He r ns his nose #o%n mine.25o are the most fr strating %oman I ha'e e'er met.4 1o& 1o& 1o. 23hristian& I ne'er promise# to obey yo . 6lease& please;4 He mo'es in front of me& grabs my behin# an# p shes his hips against me&ma"ing me gasp;his groin r bbing into mine& the b ttons of his =eans pressinginto me& barely !ontaining his ere!tion. -ith one han# he p lls off the blin#fol#an# grasps my !hin& an# I blin" p into his s!or!hing eyes. 25o #ri'e me !ra)y&4 he %hispers& fle9ing his hips against me on!e& t%i!e&three times more& !a sing my bo#y to spar";rea#y to b rn. An# again he #eniesme. I %ant him so ba#ly. I nee# him so ba#ly. I !lose my eyes an# m tter a pray<er. I !an$t help b t feel I$m being p nishe#. I$m helpless an# he$s r thless. (earsspring to my eyes. I #on$t "no% ho% far he$s going to ta"e this. AE:. A40+55, 26lease&4 I %hisper on!e more. > t he ga)es #o%n at me& impla!able. He$s = st going to !ontin e. For ho%long. 3an I play this game. 1o. 1o. 1o;I !an$t #o this. I "no% he$s not going tostop. He$s going to !ontin e to tort re me. His han# tra'els #o%n my bo#y on!emore. 1o . . .

An# the #am b rsts;all the apprehension& the an9iety& an# the fearfrom the last !o ple of #ays o'er%helming me ane% as tears spring to my eyes. It rn a%ay from him. (his is not lo'e. It$s re'enge. 2Re#&4 I %himper. 2Re#. Re#.4 (he tears !o rse #o%n my fa!e. He stills. 21o!4 He gasps& st nne#. 2Des s 3hrist& no.4 He mo'es B i!"ly& n!lipping my han#s& !lasping me aro n# my %aist an#leaning #o%n to n!lip my an"les& %hile I p t my hea# in my han#s an# %eep. 21o& no& no. Ana& please. 1o.4 6i!"ing me p& he mo'es to the be#& sitting #o%n an# !ra#ling me in his lap%hile I sob in!onsolably. I$m o'er%helme# . . . my bo#y %o n# p to brea"ingpoint& my min# a blan"& an# my emotions s!attere# to the %in#. He rea!hes be<hin# him& #rags the satin sheet off the fo r<poster be#& an# #rapes it aro n# me.(he !ool sheets feel alien an# n%el!ome against my sensiti)e# s"in. He %rapshis arms aro n# me& h gging me !lose& ro!"ing me gently ba!"%ar# an# for%ar#. 2I$m sorry. I$m sorry&4 3hristian m rm rs& his 'oi!e ra%. He "isses my hairo'er an# o'er again. 2Ana& forgi'e me& please.4 ( rning my fa!e into his ne!"& I !ontin e to !ry& an# it$s a !atharti! release.So m !h has happene# o'er the last fe% #ays;fires in !omp ter rooms& !ar!hases& !areers planne# o t for me& sl tty ar!hite!ts& arme# l nati!s in the apart<ment& arg ments& his anger ;an# 3hristian has been a%ay. I hate 3hristian goinga%ay . . . I se the !orner of the sheet to %ipe my nose an# gra# ally be!omea%are that the !lini!al tones of >a!h are still e!hoing aro n# the room. 26lease s%it!h the m si! off.4 I sniff. 25es& of !o rse.4 3hristian shifts& not letting me go& an# p lls the remote o tof his ba!" po!"et. He presses a b tton an# the piano m si! !eases& to be repla!e#by my sh ##ering breaths. 2>etter.4 he as"s. I no#& my sobs easing. 3hristian %ipes my tears a%ay gently %ith his th mb. 21ot a fan of >a!h$s 0ol#berg Cariations.4 he as"s. 21ot that pie!e.4 He ga)es #o%n at me& trying an# failing to hi#e the shame in his eyes. 2I$m sorry&4 he says again. AE*. A4,+55, 2-hy #i# yo #o that.4 My 'oi!e is barely a #ible as I try to pro!ess mys!ramble# tho ghts an# feelings. He sha"es his hea# sa#ly an# !loses his eyes. 2I got lost in the moment&4 hesays n!on'in!ingly. I fro%n at him& an# he sighs. 2Ana& orgasm #enial is a stan#ar# tool in;5o ne'er;4 He stops. I shift in his lap& an# he %in!es. /h. I fl sh. 2Sorry&4 I m tter. He rolls his eyes& then leans ba!" s ##enly& ta"ing me %ith him& so that %e$reboth lying on the be#& me in his arms. My bra is n!omfortable& an# I a#= st it. 21ee# a han#.4 he as"s B ietly. I sha"e my hea#. I #on$t %ant him to to !h my breasts. He shifts so he$sloo"ing #o%n at me& an# tentati'ely raising his han#& he stro"es his fingers gently#o%n my fa!e. (ears pool in my eyes again. Ho% !an he be so !allo s one min tean# so ten#er the ne9t. 26lease #on$t !ry&4 he %hispers. I$m #a)e# an# !onf se# by this man. My anger has #eserte# me in my ho rof nee# . . . I feel n mb. I %ant to ! rl p in a ball an# %ith#ra%. I blin"& trying tohol# ba!" my tears as I ga)e into his harro%e# eyes. I ta"e a sh ##ering breath&my eyes not lea'ing his. -hat am I going to #o %ith this !ontrolling man. @earnto be !ontrolle#. I #on$t thin" so . . . 2I ne'er %hat.4 I as" 2Do as yo $re tol#. 5o !hange# yo r min#H yo #i#n$t tell me %here yo %ere. Ana& I %as in 1e% 5or"& po%erless an# li'i#. If I$# been in Seattle I$# ha'ebro ght yo home.4 2So yo are p nishing

me.4 He s%allo%s& then !loses his eyes. He #oesn$t ha'e to ans%er& an# I "no%that p nishing me %as his e9a!t intention. 25o ha'e to stop #oing this&4 I m rm r. His bro% f rro%s. 2For a start& yo only en# p feeling shittier abo t yo rself.4 He snorts. 2(hat$s tr e&4 he m tters. 2I #on$t li"e to see yo li"e this.4 2An# I #on$t li"e feeling li"e this. 5o sai# on the Fair @a#y that yo ha#n$tmarrie# a s bmissi'e.4 2I "no%. I "no%.4 His 'oi!e is soft an# ra%. AE8. A4A+55, 2-ell stop treating me li"e one. I$m sorry I #i#n$t !all yo . I %on$t be soselfish again. I "no% yo %orry abo t me.4 He ga)es at me& s!r tini)ing me !losely& his eyes blea" an# an9io s. 2/"ay.0oo#&4 he says e'ent ally. He leans #o%n& b t pa ses before his lips to !h mine&silently as"ing if it$s allo%e#. I raise my fa!e to his& an# he "isses me ten#erly. 25o r lips are al%ays so soft %hen yo $'e been !rying&4 he m rm rs. 2I ne'er promise# to obey yo & 3hristian&4 I %hisper. 2I "no%.4 2Deal %ith it& please. For both o r sa"es. An# I %ill try an# be more !onsi#<erate of yo r . . . !ontrolling ten#en!ies.4 He loo"s lost an# ' lnerable& !ompletely at sea. 2I$ll try&4 he m rm rs& his 'oi!e b rning %ith sin!erity. I sigh& a long sh ##ering sigh. 26lease #o. >esi#es& if I ha# been here . . .4 2I "no%&4 he says an# blan!hes. @ying ba!"& he p ts his free arm o'er hisfa!e. I ! rl aro n# him an# lay my hea# on his !hest. -e both lie silent for a fe%moments. His han# mo'es to the en# of my brai#. He p lls the tie from it& freeingmy hair& an# gently& rhythmi!ally !ombs his fingers thro gh it. (his is %hat this isreally abo t;his fear . . . his irrational fear for my safety. An image of Da!" Hy#esl mpe# on the floor in my apartment %ith a 0lo!" !omes to min# . . . %ell&maybe not so irrational& %hi!h remin#s me . . . 2-hat #i# yo mean earlier& %hen yo sai# or.4 I as". 2/r.4 2Something abo t Da!".4 He peers #o%n at me. 25o #on$t gi'e p& #o yo .4 I rest my !hin on his stern m& en=oying the soothing !aress of his fingers inmy hair. 20i'e p. 1e'er. (ell me. I #on$t li"e being "ept in the #ar". 5o seem toha'e some o'erblo%n i#ea that I nee# prote!ting. 5o #on$t e'en "no% ho% toshoot;I #o. Do yo thin" I !an$t han#le %hate'er it is yo %on$t tell me& 3hristi<an. I$'e ha# yo r stal"er e9<s b p ll a g n on me& yo r pe#ophile e9<lo'er harassme;an# #on$t loo" at me li"e that&4 I snap %hen he s!o%ls at me. 25o r motherfeels the same %ay abo t her.4 25o tal"e# to my mother abo t Elena.4 3hristian$s 'oi!e raises a fe%o!ta'es. 25es& 0ra!e an# I tal"e# abo t her.4 A40. A4E+55, He gapes at me. 2She$s 'ery pset abo t it. >lames herself.4 2I !an$t belie'e yo spo"e to my mother. Shit!4 He lies #o%n an# p ts hisarm o'er his fa!e again. 2I #i#n$t go into any spe!ifi!s.4 2I sho l# hope not. 0ra!e #oesn$t nee# all the gory #etails. 3hrist& Ana. My#a#& too.4 21o!4 I sha"e my hea# 'ehemently. I #on$t ha'e that "in# of relationship%ith 3arri!". His !omments abo t the pren p still sting. 2Any%ay& yo $re tryingto #istra!t me;again. Da!". -hat abo t him.4 3hristian lifts his arm briefly an# ga)es at me& his e9pression nrea#able.Sighing& he p ts his arm ba!" o'er his fa!e. 2Hy#e is impli!ate# in 3harlie (ango$s sabotage. (he in'estigators fo n# apartial print;= st partial& so they !o l#n$t ma"e a mat!h. > t then yo re!ogni)e#Hy#e in the ser'er room. He has !on'i!tions

as a minor in Detroit& an# the printsmat!he# his.4 My min# reels as I try to absorb this information. Da!" bro ght #o%n 3harlie(ango. > t 3hristian is on a roll. 2(his morning& a !argo 'an %as fo n# in thegarage here. Hy#e %as the #ri'er. 5ester#ay& he #eli'ere# some shit to that ne%g y %ho$s mo'e# in. (he g y %e met in the ele'ator.4 2I #on$t remember his name.4 2Me neither.4 3hristian says. 2> t that$s ho% Hy#e manage# to get into theb il#ing legitimately. He %as %or"ing for a #eli'ery !ompany;4 2An#. -hat$s so important abo t the 'an.4 3hristian says nothing. 23hristian& tell me.4 2(he !ops fo n# . . . things in the 'an.4 He stops again an# tightens his hol#aro n# me. 2-hat things.4 He$s B iet for se'eral moments& an# I open my mo th to prompt him again&b t he spea"s. 2A mattress& eno gh horse tranB ili)er to ta"e #o%n a #o)enhorses& an# a note.4 His 'oi!e has softene# to barely a %hisper %hile horror an#re' lsion roll off him. Holy f !". 21ote.4 My 'oi!e mirrors his. A4,. A44+55, 2A##resse# to me.4 2-hat #i# it say.4 3hristian sha"es his hea#& in#i!ating he #oesn$t "no% or that he %on$t #i<' lge its !ontents. /h. 2Hy#e !ame here last night %ith the intention of "i#napping yo .4 3hristianfree)es& his fa!e ta t %ith tension. As he says those %or#s& I re!all the # !t tape&an# a sh ##er r ns thro gh me& tho gh #eep #o%n this is not ne%s to me. 2Shit&4 I m tter. 2O ite&4 3hristian says tightly. I try to remember Da!" in the offi!e. -as he al%ays insane. Ho% #i# he thin"he !o l# get a%ay %ith this. I mean he %as pretty !reepy& b t this nhinge#. 2I #on$t n#erstan# %hy&4 I m rm r. 2It #oesn$t ma"e sense to me.4 2I "no%. (he poli!e are #igging f rther& an# so is -el!h. > t %e thin"Detroit is the !onne!tion.4 2Detroit.4 I ga)e at him& !onf se#. 25eah. (here$s something there.4 2I still #on$t n#erstan#.4 3hristian lifts his fa!e an# ga)es at me& his e9pression nrea#able. 2Ana& I%as born in Detroit.4 A4A. 2I tho ght yo %ere born here in Seattle&4 I m rm r. My min# ra!es. -hat #oesthis ha'e to #o %ith Da!". 3hristian raises the arm !o'ering his fa!e& rea!hes be<hin# him& an# grabs one of the pillo%s. 6la!ing it n#er his hea#& he settles ba!"an# ga)es at me %ith a %ary e9pression. After a moment he sha"es his hea#. 21o. Elliot an# I %ere both a#opte# in Detroit. -e mo'e# here shortly aftermy a#option. 0ra!e %ante# to be on the %est !oast& a%ay from the rban spra%l&an# she got a =ob at 1orth%est Hospital. I ha'e 'ery little memory of that time.Mia %as a#opte# here.4 2So Da!" is from Detroit.4 A4E. A47+55, 25es.4 /h . . . 2Ho% #o yo "no%.4 2I ran a ba!"gro n# !he!" %hen yo %ent to %or" for him.4 /f !o rse he #i#. 2Do yo ha'e a manila file on him& too.4 I smir". 3hristian$s mo th t%ists as he hi#es his am sement. 2I thin" it$s pale bl e.4His fingers !ontin e to r n thro gh my hair. It$s soothing. 2-hat #oes it say in his file.4 3hristian blin"s. Rea!hing #o%n he stro"es my !hee". 25o really %ant to"no%.4 2Is it that ba#.4 He shr gs. 2I$'e "no%n %orse&4 he %hispers. 1o! Is he referring to himself. An# the image I ha'e of 3hristian as a small&#irty& fearf l& lost boy !omes to min#. I ! rl aro n# him& hol#ing him tighter&p lling the sheet o'er him& an#

I lay my !hee" against his !hest. 2-hat.4 he as"s& p ))le# by my rea!tion. 21othing&4 I m rm r. 21o& no. (his %or"s both %ays& Ana. -hat is it.4 I glan!e p assessing his apprehensi'e e9pression. Resting my !hee" ponhis !hest on!e more& I #e!i#e to tell him. 2Sometimes I pi!t re yo as a !hil# . . .before yo !ame to li'e %ith the 0reys.4 3hristian stiffens. 2I %asn$t tal"ing abo t me. I #on$t %ant yo r pity&Anastasia. (hat part of my life is #one. 0one.4 2It$s not pity&4 I %hisper& appalle#. 2It$s sympathy an# sorro% ;sorro% thatanyone !o l# #o that to a !hil#.4 I ta"e a #eep stea#ying breath as my stoma!ht%ists an# tears pri!" my eyes ane%. 2(hat part of yo r life is not #one& 3hristi<an;ho% !an yo say that. 5o li'e e'ery #ay %ith yo r past. 5o tol# me yo r<self;Fifty Sha#es& remember.4 My 'oi!e is barely a #ible. 3hristian snorts an# r ns his free han# thro gh his hair& tho gh he remains si<lent an# tense beneath me. 2I "no% it$s %hy yo feel the nee# to !ontrol me. Feep me safe.4 2An# yet yo !hoose to #efy me&4 he m rm rs baffle#& his han# stilling inmy hair. I fro%n. Holy !o%! Do I #o that #eliberately. My s b!ons!io s remo'es herhalf<moon glasses an# !he%s the en#& p rsing her lips an# no##ing. I ignore her.(his is !onf sing;I$m his %ife& not his s bmissi'e& not some !ompany he$s A44. A4:+55,a!B ire#. I$m not the !ra!" %hore %ho %as his mother . . . F !". (he tho ght issi!"ening. Dr. Flynn$s %or#s !ome ba!" to meL 2D st "eep #oing %hat yo $re #oing. 3hristian is hea# o'er heels . . . It$s a#elight to see.4 (hat$s it. I$m = st #oing %hat I$'e al%ays #one. Isn$t that %hat 3hristianfo n# attra!ti'e in the first pla!e. /h& this man is so !onf sing. 2Dr. Flynn sai# I sho l# gi'e yo the benefit of the #o bt. I thin" I #o; I$mnot s re. 6erhaps it$s my %ay of bringing yo into the here an# no%; a%ay fromyo r past&4 I %hisper. 2I #on$t "no%. I = st !an$t seem to get a han#le on ho% faryo $ll o'errea!t.4 He$s silent for a moment. 2F !"ing Flynn&4 he m tters to himself. 2He sai# I sho l# !ontin e to beha'e the %ay I$'e al%ays beha'e# %ith yo .4 2Di# he no%.4 3hristian says #ryly. /"ay. Here goes nothing. 23hristian& I "no% yo lo'e# yo r mom& an# yo !o l#n$t sa'e her. It %asn$t yo r =ob to #o that. > t I$m not her.4 He free)es again. 2Don$t&4 he %hispers. 21o& listen. 6lease.4 I raise my hea# to stare into gray eyes that are paraly)e#%ith fear. He$s hol#ing his breath. /h& 3hristian . . . My heart !onstri!ts. 2I$m nother. I$m m !h stronger than she %as. I ha'e yo & an# yo $re so m !h strongerno%& an# I "no% yo lo'e me. I lo'e yo & too&4 I %hisper. His bro% !reases as if my %or#s %ere not %hat he e9pe!te#. 2Do yo stilllo'e me.4 he as"s. 2/f !o rse I #o. 3hristian& I %ill al%ays lo'e yo . 1o matter %hat yo #o tome.4 Is this the reass ran!e he %ants. He e9hales an# !loses his eyes& pla!ing his arm o'er his fa!e again& b t h g<ging me !loser& too. 2Don$t hi#e from me.4 Rea!hing p& I grasp his han# an# p ll his arm a%ayfrom his fa!e. 25o $'e spent yo r life hi#ing. 6lease #on$t& not from me.4 He loo"s at me %ith in!re# lity an# fro%ns. 2Hi#ing.4 25es.4 He shifts s ##enly& rolling o'er onto his si#e an# mo'ing me so that I am ly<ing besi#e him on the be#. He rea!hes p& smoothes my hair off my fa!e an# t !"sit behin# my ear.

A45. A4*+55, 25o as"e# me earlier to#ay if I hate# yo . I #i#n$t n#erstan# %hy& an#no%;4 He stops& staring #o%n at me as if I$m a !omplete !on n#r m. 25o still thin" I hate yo .4 1o% my 'oi!e is in!re# lo s. 21o.4 He sha"es his hea#. 21ot no%.4 He loo"s relie'e#. 2> t I nee# to"no% . . . %hy #i# yo safe %or#& Ana.4 I blan!h. -hat !an I tell him. (hat he frightene# me. (hat I #i#n$t "no% ifhe$# stop. (hat I begge# him;an# he #i#n$t stop. (hat I #i#n$t %ant things to es<!alate . . . li"e;li"e that one time in here. I sh ##er as I re!all him %hipping me%ith his belt. I s%allo%. 2>e!a se . . . be!a se yo %ere so angry an# #istant an# . . . !ol#.I #i#n$t "no% ho% far yo $# go.4 His e9pression is nrea#able. 2-ere yo going to let me !ome.4 My 'oi!e is barely a %hisper& an# I feel abl sh steal o'er my !hee"s& b t I hol# his ga)e. 21o&4 he says e'ent ally. Holy !rap. 2(hat$s . . . harsh.4 His "n !"le gently gra)es my !hee". 2> t effe!ti'e&4 he m rm rs. He ga)es#o%n at me as if he$s trying to see into my so l& his eyes #ar"ening. After aneternity& he m rm rs& 2I$m gla# yo #i#.4 2Really.4 I #on$t n#erstan#. His lips t%ist in a sa# smile. 25es. I #on$t %ant to h rt yo . I got !arrie#a%ay.4 He rea!hes #o%n an# "isses me. 2@ost in the moment.4 He "isses meagain. 2Happens a lot %ith yo .4 /h. An# for some bi)arre reason the tho ght pleases me . . . I grin. -hy #oesthat ma"e me happy. He grins& too. 2I #on$t "no% %hy yo $re grinning& Mrs. 0rey.4 2Me neither.4 He %raps himself aro n# me an# pla!es his hea# on my !hest. -e are atangle of na"e# an# #enim<!la# limbs& an# satin re# sheets. I stro"e his ba!" %ithone han# an# r n the fingers of my other han# thro gh his hair. He sighs an# re<la9es in my arms. 2It means I !an tr st yo . . . to stop me. I ne'er %ant to h rt yo &4 he m r<m rs. 2I nee#;4 He halts. 25o nee# %hat.4 A47. A48+55, 2I nee# !ontrol& Ana. @i"e I nee# yo . It$s the only %ay I !an f n!tion. I !an$tlet go of it. I !an$t. I$'e trie# . . . An# yet& %ith yo . . .4 He sha"es his hea# ine9asperation. I s%allo%. (his is the heart of o r #ilemma ;his nee# for !ontrol an# hisnee# for me. I ref se to belie'e these are m t ally e9!l si'e. 2I nee# yo & too&4 I %hisper& h gging him tighter. 2I$ll try& 3hristian. I$ll tryto be more !onsi#erate.4 2I %ant yo to nee# me&4 he m rm rs. Holy !o%! 2I #o!4 My 'oi!e is impassione#. I nee# him so m !h. I lo'e him so m !h. 2I %ant to loo" after yo .4 25o #o. All the time. I misse# yo so m !h %hile yo %ere a%ay.4 25o #i#.4 He so n#s so s rprise#. 25es& of !o rse. I hate yo going a%ay.4 I sense his smile. 25o !o l# ha'e !ome %ith me.4 23hristian& please. @et$s not rehash that arg ment. I %ant to %or".4 He sighs as I %or" my fingers gently thro gh his hair. 2I lo'e yo & Ana.4 2I lo'e yo & too& 3hristian. I %ill al%ays lo'e yo .4 -e both lie still in the !alm& B iet after o r storm. @istening to the stea#ybeat of his heart& I #rift e9ha ste# into sleep.I %a"e %ith a start& #isorientate#. -here am I. (he playroom. (he lights are stillon& softly ill minating the bloo#re# %alls. 3hristian moans again& an# I reali)ethis is %hat %o"e me. 21o&4 he groans. He$s spra%le# o t besi#e me& his hea# ba!"& his eyess!re%e# sh t& his fa!e !ontorte# in ang ish. Holy shit. He$s ha'ing a nightmare. 21o!4 he !ries o t again. 23hristian& %a"e p.4 I str ggle to sit p& "i!"ing off the sheet. Fneeling be<si#e him& I grab his sho l#ers an# sha"e him as tears spring to my eyes. 23hristian& please. -a"e p!4

A4:. A50+55, His eyes spring open& gray an# %il#& his p pils enlarge# %ith fear. He stares'a!antly p at me. 23hristian& yo $re ha'ing a nightmare. 5o $re home. 5o $re safe.4 He blin"s& loo"s aro n# franti!ally& an# fro%ns as he ta"es in o r s rro n#<ings. (hen his eyes are ba!" on mine. 2Ana&4 he breathes& an# %ith no preamble%hatsoe'er he grabs my fa!e %ith both han#s& p lls me #o%n onto his !hest& an#"isses me. Har#. His tong e in'a#es my mo th& an# he tastes of #esperation an#nee#. >arely gi'ing me a !han!e to breathe& he rolls o'er& his lips lo!"e# to mineso that he$s pressing me into the har# mattress of the fo r<poster. /ne of his han#s!lasps my =a%& the other sprea#s o t on top of my hea#& "eeping me still as his"nee parts my legs an# he nestles& still !lothe# in his =eans& bet%een my thighs. 2Ana&4 he gasps as if he !an$t belie'e I$m there %ith him. He ga)es #o%n atme for a split se!on#& allo%ing me a moment to breathe. (hen his lips are on mineagain& pl n#ering my mo th& ta"ing all I ha'e to gi'e. He groans lo #ly& fle9inghis hips into me. His ere!tion sheathe# in #enim p shes into my soft flesh. /h . . .I moan& an# all the pent< p se9 al tension of earlier er pts& res rfa!ing %ith a'engean!e& fl shing my system %ith #esire an# nee#. Dri'en by his #emons& he rgently "isses my fa!e& my eyes& my !hee"s& along my =a%. 2I$m here&4 I %hisper& trying to !alm him& o r heate#& panting breath ming<ling. I %rap my arms aro n# his sho l#ers& as I grin# my pel'is against his in%el!ome. 2/h& Ana&4 he pants& his 'oi!e ro gh an# lo%. 2I nee# yo .4 2Me& too&4 I %hisper rgently& my bo#y #esperate for his to !h. I %ant him. I%ant him no%. I %ant to heal him. I %ant to heal me . . . I nee# this. His han#rea!hes #o%n an# t gs on the b tton of his fly& f mbling momentarily& then free<ing his ere!tion. Holy shit. I %as asleep less than a min te ago. He shifts& staring #o%n at me for a split se!on#& s spen#e# abo'e me. 25es. 6lease&4 I breathe& my 'oi!e hoarse an# nee#y. An# in one s%ift mo'e he b ries himself insi#e me. 2Ah!4 I !ry o t& not from any pain& b t from s rprise at his ala!rity. He groans& an# his lips fin# mine again as he p shes into me& o'er an# o'er&his tong e possessing me& too. He mo'es franti!ally& !ompelle# by his fear& hisl st& his #esire& his;lo'e. I #on$t "no%& b t I meet him thr st for thr st& %el!om<ing him. A4*. A5,+55, 2Ana&4 he gro%ls almost inarti! lately& an# he !omes po%erf lly& po ringhimself into me& his fa!e straine#& his bo#y rigi#& before he !ollapses %ith his f ll%eight onto me& panting& an# he lea'es me hanging . . . again. Holy shit. (his is not my night. My inner go##ess is preparing to #isembo%elherself. I hol# him& #ra%ing in a l ngf l of air an# pra!ti!ally %rithing %ith nee#beneath him. He eases o t of me an# hol#s me for min tes . . . many min tes. Fin<ally he sha"es his hea# an# leans p on his elbo%s& ta"ing some of his %eight. Hega)es #o%n at me as if seeing me for the first time. 2/h& Ana. S%eet Des s.4 He ben#s an# "isses me ten#erly. 25o o"ay.4 I breathe& !aressing his lo'ely fa!e. He no#s& b t he loo"ssha"en an# most #efinitely stirre#. My o%n lost boy. He fro%ns an# stares in<tently into my eyes as if finally registering %here he is. 25o .4 he as"s& !on!ern in his 'oi!e. 2?m . . .4 I %riggle beneath him& an# after a moment he smiles& a slo% !arnalsmile. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo ha'e nee#s&4 he m rm rs. He "isses me s%iftly& then s!ootsoff the be#. Fneeling on the floor at the en# of the be#& he

rea!hes p& grabs me = stabo'e the "nees an# p lls me to%ar# him so my behin# is on the e#ge of the be#. 2Sit p&4 he m rm rs. I str ggle into a sitting position& my hair falling li"e a'eil aro n# me& #o%n to my breasts. His gray ga)e hol#s mine as he gently p shesmy legs apart as far as they$ll go. I lean ba!" on my han#s;"no%ing f ll %ell%hat he$s going to #o. > t . . . he$s = st . . . m . . . 25o are so f !"ing bea tif l& Ana&4 he breathes& an# I %at!h his !opper<haire# hea# #ip an# plant a trail of "isses p my right thigh& hea#ing north. My%hole bo#y !len!hes in anti!ipation. He glan!es p at me& his eyes #ar"eningthro gh long lashes. 2-at!h&4 he rasps then his mo th is on me. /h my. I !ry o t as the %orl# is !on!entrate# at the ape9 of my thighs& an#it$s so eroti!;F !";%at!hing him. -at!hing his tong e against %hat feels li"ethe most sensiti'e part of my bo#y. An# he sho%s no mer!y& teasing an# ta nting&%orshipping me. My bo#y tenses an# my arms start to tremble from the strain ofstaying pright. 21o . . . ah&4 I m rm r. 0ently& he eases one long finger insi#e me& an# I !anbear it no more& !ollapsing ba!" onto the be#& relishing this mo th an# fingers on A48. A5A+55,an# in me. Slo%ly an# gently& he massages that s%eet& s%eet spot #eep insi#e me.An# that$s it;I$m gone. I e9plo#e aro n# him& !rying o t an in!oherent ren#itionof his name as my intense orgasm ar!hes my ba!" off the be#. I thin" I see starsit$s s !h a 'is!eral primal feeling . . . Cag ely I$m a%are that he$s n ))ling mybelly& gi'ing me soft& s%eet "isses. Rea!hing #o%n& I !aress his hair. 2I$m not finishe# %ith yo yet&4 he m rm rs. An# before I$'e f lly !omeba!" to Seattle& 6lanet Earth& he$s rea!hing for me& grasping my hips an# p llingme off the be# to %here$s he$s "neeling& an# into his %aiting lap an# onto his%aiting ere!tion. I gasp as he fills me. Holy !o% . . . 2/h& baby&4 he breathes as he %raps his arms aro n# me an# stills& !ra#lingmy hea# an# "issing my fa!e. He fle9es his hips& an# pleas re spi"es hot an# har#from #eep %ithin me. He rea!hes for my behin# an# lifts me& ro!"ing his groin p%ar#. 2Ah&4 I moan& an# his lips are on mine again as he slo%ly& oh so slo%ly& liftsan# ro!"s . . . lifts an# ro!"s. I thro% my arms aro n# his ne!"& s rren#ering to hisgentle rhythm an# to %here'er he$ll ta"e me. I fle9 my thighs& ri#ing him . . . hefeels so goo#. @eaning ba!"%ar#& I tilt my hea# ba!"& my mo th open %i#e in asilent e9pression of my pleas re& re'eling in his s%eet lo'ema"ing. 2Ana&4 he breathes& an# he leans #o%n& "issing my throat. Hol#ing me tight&slo%ly easing in an# o t& p shing me . . . higher an# higher . . . so e9B isitelytime#;a fl i# !arnal for!e. >lissf l pleas re ra#iates o t%ar# from #eep& #eep in<si#e me as he hol#s me so intimately. 2I lo'e yo & Ana&4 he %hispers !lose to my ear& his 'oi!e lo% an# harsh& an#he lifts me again; p& #o%n& p& #o%n. I ! rl my han#s ba!" aro n# his ne!" intohis hair. 2I lo'e yo & too& 3hristian.4 /pening my eyes& I fin# he$s ga)ing at me& an#all I see is his lo'e& shining bright an# bol# in the soft glo% of the playroom light&his nightmare seemingly forgotten. An# as I feel my bo#y b il# to%ar# my re<lease& I reali)e this is %hat I %ante#;this !onne!tion& this #emonstration of o rlo'e. 23ome for me& baby&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e lo%. I s!re% my eyes sh t as mybo#y tightens at the lo% so n# of his 'oi!e& an# I !ome lo #ly& spiraling into anintense !lima9. He

stills& his forehea# against mine& as he softly %hispers myname& %raps his arms aro n# me& an# fin#s his o%n release. A50. A5E+55,He lifts me gently an# lays me on the be#. I lie in his arms& %r ng o t an# finallysate#. He n ))les my ne!". 2>etter no%.4 he %hispers. 2Hmm.4 2Shall %e go to be#& or #o yo %ant to sleep here.4 2Hmm.4 2Mrs. 0rey& tal" to me.4 He so n#s am se#. 2Hmm.4 2Is that the best yo !an #o.4 2Hmm.4 23ome. @et me p t yo to be#. I #on$t li"e sleeping here.4 Rel !tantly& I shift an# t rn to fa!e him. 2-ait&4 I %hisper. He blin"s at me&loo"ing all %i#e<eye# an# inno!ent& an# at the same time thoro ghly f !"e# an#please# %ith himself. 2Are yo o"ay.4 I as". He no#s& smiling sm gly li"e an a#oles!ent boy. 2I am no%.4 2/h& 3hristian&4 I s!ol# an# gently stro"e his lo'ely fa!e. 2I %as tal"ingabo t yo r nightmare.4 His e9pression free)es momentarily& then he !loses his eyes an# tightens hisarms aro n# me& b rying his fa!e in my ne!". 2Don$t&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e hoarse an# ra%. My heart l r!hes an# t%istson!e more in my !hest& an# I !l t!h him tightly& r nning my han#s #o%n his ba!"an# thro gh his hair. 2I$m sorry&4 I %hisper& alarme# by his rea!tion. Holy f !";ho% !an I "eep p %ith these moo# s%ings. -hat the hell %as his nightmare abo t. I #on$t %antto !a se him any more pain by ma"ing him reli'e the #etails. 2It$s o"ay&4 I m r<m r softly& #esperate to bring him ba!" to the playf l boy of a moment ago. 2It$so"ay&4 I repeat o'er an# o'er soothingly. 2@et$s go to be#&4 he says B ietly after a %hile& an# he p lls a%ay from me&lea'ing me empty an# a!hing as he rises from the be#. I s!ramble after him& "eep<ing the satin sheet %rappe# aro n# me& an# ben# to pi!" p my !lothes. 2@ea'e those&4 he says& an# before I "no% it& he s!oops me p in his arms. 2I#on$t %ant yo to trip o'er this sheet an# brea" yo r ne!".4 I p t my arms aro n#him mar'eling that he$s re!o'ere# his !ompos re& an# n ))le him as he !arriesme #o%nstairs to o r be#room. A5,. A54+55,My eyes spring open. Something is %rong. 3hristian is not in be#& tho gh it$s still#ar". 0lan!ing at the ra#io alarm& I see it$s three t%enty in the morning. -here$s3hristian. (hen I hear the piano. O i!"ly slipping o t of be#& I grab my robe an# r n #o%n the hall%ay to thegreat room. (he t ne he$s playing is so sa#;a mo rnf l lament that I$'e hear#him play before. I pa se in the #oor%ay an# %at!h him in a pool of light %hile thea!hingly sorro%f l m si! fills the room. He finishes then starts the pie!e again.-hy s !h a plainti'e t ne. I %rap my arms aro n# myself an# listen spellbo n#as he plays. > t my heart a!hes. 3hristian& %hy so sa#. Is it be!a se of me. Di# I#o this. -hen he finishes& only to start a thir# time& I !an bear it no longer. He#oesn$t loo" p as I near the piano& b t shifts to one si#e so I !an sit besi#e him onthe piano ben!h. He !ontin es to play& an# I p t my hea# on his sho l#er. He"isses my hair b t #oesn$t stop playing ntil he$s finishe# the pie!e. I pee" p athim an# he$s staring #o%n at me& %arily. 2Di# I %a"e yo .4 he as"s. 2/nly be!a se yo %ere gone. -hat$s that pie!e !alle#.4 2It$s 3hopin. It$s one of his prel #es in E minor.4 3hristian pa ses. 2It$s!alle# S ffo!ation . . .4 Rea!hing o'er I ta"e his han#. 25o $re really sha"en by all this& aren$t yo .4 He snorts. 2A #erange# asshole gets into my

apartment to "i#nap my %ife.She %on$t #o as she$s tol#. She #ri'es me !ra)y. She safe %or#s on me.4 He!loses his eyes briefly& an# %hen he opens them again& they are star" an# ra%.25eah& I$m pretty sha"en p.4 I sB ee)e his han#. 2I$m sorry.4 He presses his forehea# against mine. 2I #reame# yo %ere #ea#&4 he%hispers. -hat. 2@ying on the floor;so !ol#;an# yo %o l#n$t %a"e p.4 /h& Fifty. 2Hey;it %as = st a ba# #ream.4 Rea!hing p& I !lasp his hea# in my han#s.His eyes b rn into mine an# the ang ish in them is sobering. 2I$m here an# I$m!ol# %itho t yo in the be#. 3ome ba!" to be#& please.4 I ta"e his han# an# stan#&%aiting to see if he$ll follo% me. Finally he stan#s& too. He$s %earing his pa=amabottoms& an# they hang in that %ay he has& an# I %ant to r n my fingers along theinsi#e of his %aistban#& b t I resist an# lea# him ba!" to the be#room. A5A. A55+55,-hen I %a"e he$s ! rle# aro n# me& sleeping pea!ef lly. I rela9 an# en=oy his en<'eloping heat& his s"in on my s"in. I lie 'ery still& not %anting to #ist rb him. >oy& %hat an e'ening. I feel li"e I$'e been r n o'er by a train;the freighttrain that is my h sban#. Har# to belie'e that the man lying besi#e me& loo"ing soserene an# yo ng in his sleep& %as so tort re# last night . . . an# so tort re# melast night. I ga)e p at the !eiling& an# it o!! rs to me that I al%ays thin" of 3hris<tian as strong an# #ominating;yet the reality is he$s so fragile& my lost boy. An#the irony is that he loo"s pon me as fragile;an# I #on$t thin" I am. 3ompare# tohim I$m strong. > t am I strong eno gh for both of s. Strong eno gh to #o %hat I$m tol#an# gi'e him some pea!e of min#. I sigh. He$s not as"ing that m !h of me. I flitthro gh o r !on'ersation of last night. Di# %e #e!i#e anything other than to bothtry har#er. (he bottom line is that I lo'e this man& an# I nee# to !hart a !o rse forboth of s. /ne that lets me "eep my integrity an# in#epen#en!e b t still be morefor him. I am his more& an# he is mine. I resol'e to ma"e a spe!ial effort this%ee"en# not to gi'e him !a se for !on!ern.3hristian stirs an# lifts his hea# off my!hest& loo"ing sleepily at me. 20oo# morning& Mr. 0rey.4 I smile. 20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey. Di# yo sleep %ell.4 He stret!hes o t besi#e me. 2/n!e my h sban# stoppe# ma"ing that terrible ra!"et on the piano& yes& I#i#.4 He smiles his shy smile& an# I melt. 2(errible ra!"et. I$ll be s re to e<mailMiss Fathie an# let her "no%.4 2Miss Fathie.4 2My piano tea!her.4 I giggle. 2(hat$s a lo'ely so n#&4 he says. 2Shall %e ha'e a better #ay to#ay.4 2/"ay&4 I agree. 2-hat #o yo %ant to #o.4 2After I ha'e ma#e lo'e to my %ife& an# she$s !oo"e# me brea"fast& I$# li"eto ta"e her to Aspen.4 I gape at him. 2Aspen.4 25es.4 2Aspen& 3olora#o.4 2(he 'ery same. ?nless they$'e mo'e# it. After all& yo #i# pay t%enty<fo rtho san# #ollars for the e9perien!e.4 A5E. A57+55, I grin at him. 2(hat %as yo r money.4 2/ r money.4 2It %as yo r money %hen I ma#e the bi#.4 I roll my eyes. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey& yo an# yo r eye rolling&4 he %hispers as he r ns his han# p my thigh. 2-on$t it ta"e ho rs to get to 3olora#o.4 I as" to #istra!t him. 21ot by =et&4 he says sil"ily as his han# rea!hes my behin#. /f !o rse& my h sban# has a =et. Ho% !o l# I forget. His han# !ontin es tos"im p my bo#y& lifting my night#ress as it goes& an# soon I$'e forgottene'erything.(aylor #ri'es s onto the tarma!

at Sea<(a! an# aro n# to %here the 0EH =et is%aiting. It$s a gray #ay in Seattle& b t I ref se to let the %eather #ampen my soar<ing spirits. 3hristian is in a m !h better moo#. He$s e9!ite# abo t something;lit p li"e 3hristmas an# t%it!hing li"e a small boy %ith a big se!ret. I %on#er %hats!heme he$s #reame# p. He loo"s #reamy& all to sle# hair& %hite (< shirt an#bla!" =eans. 1ot 3E/<li"e at all to#ay. He ta"es my han# as (aylor gli#es to astop at the foot of the =et steps. 2I ha'e a s rprise for yo &4 he m rm rs an# "isses my "n !"les. I grin at him. 20oo# s rprise.4 2I hope so.4 He smiles %armly. Hmm . . . %hat !an it be. Sa%yer leaps o t from the front an# opens my #oor. (aylor opens 3hristian$sthen retrie'es o r !ases from the tr n". Stephan is %aiting at the top of the stairs%hen %e enter the air!raft. I glan!e into the !o!"pit an# see First /ffi!er >eighleyflipping s%it!hes on the imposing instr ment panel. 3hristian an# Stephan sha"e han#s. 20oo# morning& sir.4 Stephan smiles. 2(han"s for #oing this at s !h short noti!e.4 3hristian grins ba!" at him.2/ r g ests here.4 25es sir.4 0 ests. I t rn an# gasp. Fate& Elliot& Mia& an# Ethan are all smiling an# sit< ting in the !ream<!olore# leather seats. -o%! I spin aro n# to 3hristian. 2S rprise!4 he says. A54. A5:+55, 2Ho%. -hen. -ho.4 I m mble inarti! lately& trying to !ontain my #elightan# elation. 25o sai# yo #i#n$t see eno gh of yo r frien#s.4 He shr gs an# gi'es me alopsi#e#& apologeti! smile. 2/h& 3hristian& than" yo .4 I thro% my arms aro n# his ne!" an# "iss himhar# in front of e'eryone. He p ts his han#s on my hips& hoo"ing his th mbsthro gh the belt loops of my =eans& an# #eepens the "iss. /h my. 2Feep this p an# I$ll #rag yo into the be#room&4 he m rm rs. 25o %o l#n$t #are&4 I %hisper against his lips. 2/h& Anastasia.4 He grins& sha"ing his hea#. He releases me an# %itho t f r<ther preamble& stoops #o%n& grabs my thighs& an# lifts me o'er his sho l#er. 23hristian& p t me #o%n!4 I sma!" his behin#. I briefly !at!h Stephan$s smile as he t rns an# hea#s into the !o!"pit. (ayloris stan#ing at the #oor%ay trying to stifle his grin. Ignoring my pleas an# my f <tile str ggles& 3hristian stri#es thro gh the narro% !abin past Mia an# Ethan %hoare fa!ing ea!h other in the single seats& past Fate an# Elliot& %ho is %hoopingli"e a #emente# gibbon. 2If yo $ll e9! se me&4 he says to o r fo r g ests. 2I nee# to ha'e a %or# %ithmy %ife in pri'ate.4 23hristian!4 I sho t. 26 t me #o%n!4 2All in goo# time& baby.4 I ha'e a brief 'ie% of Mia& Fate& an# Elliot la ghing. Damn it! (his is notf nny& it$s embarrassing. Ethan ga%"s at s& mo th open an# tterly sho!"e#& as%e #isappear into the !abin. 3hristian !loses the !abin #oor behin# him an# releases me& letting me sli#e#o%n his bo#y slo%ly& so that I feel e'ery har# sine% an# m s!le. He gi'es mehis boyish grin& thoro ghly please# %ith himself. 2(hat %as B ite a sho%& Mr. 0rey&4 I m rm r& !rossing my arms an# regar#<ing him %ith fa 9 in#ignation. 2(hat %as f n& Mrs. 0rey.4 An# his grin %i#ens. /h boy. He loo"s so yo ng. 2Are yo going to follo% thro gh.4 I ar!h a bro%& ns re ho% I feel abo tthis. I mean& the others %ill hear s& for hea'en$s sa"e. S ##enly& I feel shy. 0lan<!ing an9io sly at the be#& I feel a bl sh steal a!ross my !hee"s as I re!all o r %e#<#ing night. -e tal"e# so m !h yester#ay& #i# so m !h yester#ay. I feel as if %e

A55. A5*+55,leape# some n"no%n h r#le;b t that$s the problem. It$s n"no%n. My eyesfin# 3hristian$s intense b t am se# ga)e& an# I$m nable to "eep a straight fa!e.His grin is too infe!tio s. 2I thin" it might be r #e to "eep o r g ests %aiting&4 he says sil"ily as hesteps to%ar# me. -hen #i# he start to !are %hat people thin". I step ba!" againstthe !abin %all an# he imprisons me& the heat from his bo#y hol#ing me in pla!e.He leans #o%n an# r ns his nose along mine. 20oo# s rprise.4 he %hispers& an# there$s a hint of an9iety in his 'oi!e. 2/h& 3hristian& fantasti! s rprise.4 I r n my han#s p his !hest& ! rl themaro n# his ne!"& an# "iss him. 2-hen #i# yo organi)e this.4 I as" %hen I p ll a%ay from him& stro"ing hishair. 2@ast night& %hen I !o l#n$t sleep. I e<maile# Elliot an# Mia& an# here theyare.4 2It$s 'ery tho ghtf l. (han" yo . I$m s re %e$ll ha'e a great time.4 2I hope so. I tho ght it %o l# be easier to a'oi# the press in Aspen than athome.4 (he papara))i! He$s right. If %e$# staye# in Es!ala& %e$# ha'e been im<prisone#. A shi'er r ns #o%n my spine as I re!olle!t the snapping !ameras an##a))ling flashes of the fe% photographers (aylor spe# thro gh this morning. 23ome. -e$# better ta"e o r seats;Stephan %ill be ta"ing off shortly.4 Heoffers me his han# an# together %e %al" ba!" into the !abin. Elliot !heers as %e enter. 2(hat s re %as spee#y in<flight ser'i!e!4 he !allsmo!"ingly. 3hristian ignores him. 26lease be seate#& la#ies an# gentlemen as %e$ll shortly begin ta9iing forta"eoff.4 Stephan$s 'oi!e e!hoes !almly an# a thoritati'ely aro n# the !abin. (hebr nette %oman; m . . . 1atalie.;%ho %as on the flight for o r %e##ing nightappears from the galley an# gathers p the #is!ar#e# !offee ! ps. 1atalia . . . Hername$s 1atalia. 20oo# morning Mr. 0rey& Mrs. 0rey&4 she says %ith a p rr. -hy #oes shema"e me n!omfortable. Maybe it$s that she$s a br nette. >y his o%n a#mission&3hristian #oesn$t s ally employ br nettes be!a se he fin#s them attra!ti'e. Hegi'es 1atalia a polite smile as he sli#es in behin# the table an# sits #o%n fa!ingElliot an# Fate. I s%iftly h g Fate an# Mia an# gi'e Ethan an# Elliot a %a'e A57. A58+55,before sitting #o%n an# b !"ling p besi#e 3hristian. He p ts his han# on my"nee an# gi'es it an affe!tionate sB ee)e. He seems rela9e# an# happy e'entho gh %e$re %ith !ompany. I#ly& I %on#er %hy he !an$t al%ays be li"e this;not!ontrolling at all. 2Hope yo pa!"e# yo r hi"ing boots&4 he says& his 'oi!e %arm. 2-e$re not going s"iing.4 2(hat %o l# be a !hallenge& in A g st&4 he says& am se#. /h& of !o rse. 2Do yo s"i& Ana.4 Elliot interr pts s. 21o.4 3hristian mo'es his han# from my "nee to !lasp my han#. 2I$m s re my little brother !an tea!h yo .4 Elliot %in"s at me. 2He$s prettyfast on the slopes& too.4 An# I !an$t help my bl sh. -hen I glan!e p at 3hristian& he$s ga)ing im<passi'ely at Elliot& b t I thin" he$s trying to s ppress his mirth. (he plane s rgesfor%ar# an# starts ta9iing to%ar# the r n%ay. 1atalia r ns thro gh the plane$s safety pro!e# res in a !lear& ringing 'oi!e.She$s #resse# in a neat na'y short<slee'e# shirt an# mat!hing pen!il s"irt. Herma"e p is imma! late;she really is B ite pretty. My s b!ons!io s raises apl !"e#<to<%ithin<an<in!h<of<its<life eyebro% at me. 25o o"ay.4 Fate as"s me pointe#ly. 2I mean& follo%ing the Hy#eb siness.4 I no#. I #on$t %ant to thin" or tal" abo t Hy#e& b t Fate seems to ha'e

otherplans. 2So %hy #i# he go postal.4 she as"s& ! tting to the heart of the matter in herinimitable style. She tosses her hair behin# her as she prepares to in'estigate thematter. Eyeing her !oolly& 3hristian shr gs. 2I fire# his ass&4 he says bl ntly. 2/h. -hy.4 Fate tilts her hea# to one si#e& an# I "no% she$s in f ll 1an!yDre% mo#e. 2He ma#e at pass at me&4 I m tter. I try to "i!" Fate$s an"le beneath thetable& an# miss. Shit! 2-hen.4 Fate glares at me. 2Ages ago.4 25o ne'er tol# me he ma#e a pass at yo !4 she spl tters. A5:. A70+55, I shr g& apologeti!ally. 2It !an$t = st be a gr #ge abo t that& s rely. I mean his rea!tion is %ay too e9<treme&4 Fate !ontin es& b t no% she #ire!ts her B estions at 3hristian. 2Is hementally nstable. -hat abo t all the information he has on yo 0reys.4 Hergrilling 3hristian this %ay ma"es my ha!"les rise& b t she$s alrea#y establishe# I"no% nothing so she !an$t as" me. (he tho ght is annoying. 2-e thin" there$s a !onne!tion %ith Detroit&4 3hristian says mil#ly. (oomil#ly. /h no& Fate& please gi'e it p for no%. 2Hy#e is from Detroit& too.4 3hristian no#s. (he plane a!!elerates& an# I tighten my grip on 3hristian$s han#. He glan!esat me reass ringly. He "no%s I hate ta"eoffs an# lan#ings. He sB ee)es my han#an# his th mb stro"es my "n !"les& !alming me. 2-hat #o yo "no% abo t him.4 Elliot as"s& obli'io s to the fa!t %e areh rtling #o%n the r n%ay in a small =et abo t to la n!h itself into the s"y& an#eB ally obli'io s to 3hristian$s gro%ing e9asperation %ith Fate. Fate leans for<%ar#& listening attenti'ely. 2(his is off the re!or#&4 3hristian says #ire!tly to her. Fate$s mo th sets in as btle b t thin line. I s%allo%. /h shit. 2-e "no% a little abo t him&4 3hristian !ontin es. 2His #a# #ie# in a bra%lin a bar. His mother #ran" herself into obli'ion. He %as in an# o t of fosterhomes as a "i# . . . in an# o t of tro ble& too. Mainly boosting !ars. Spent time in= 'ie. His mom got ba!" on tra!" thro gh some o trea!h program& an# Hy#et rne# himself aro n#. -on a s!holarship to 6rin!eton.4 26rin!eton.4 Fate$s ! riosity is piB e#. 25ep. He$s a bright boy.4 3hristian shr gs. 21ot that bright. He got !a ght&4 Elliot m tters. 2> t s rely he !an$t ha'e p lle# this st nt alone.4 Fate as"s. 3hristian stiffens besi#e me. 2-e #on$t "no% yet.4 His 'oi!e is 'ery B iet.Holy !rap. (here !o l# be someone %or"ing %ith him. I t rn an# gape in horrorat 3hristian. He sB ee)es my han# on!e more b t #oesn$t loo" me in the eye. (heplane lifts smoothly into the air& an# I get that horrible sin"ing feeling in mystoma!h. 2Ho% ol# is he.4 I as" 3hristian& leaning !lose so only he !an hear. M !h asI$# li"e to "no% %hat$s going on& I #on$t %ant to en!o rage Fate$s B estions. I A5*. A7,+55,"no% they$re irritating 3hristian& an# I$m s re she$s on his shit list sin!e3o!"tailgate. 2(hirty<t%o. -hy.4 23 rio s& that$s all.4 3hristian$s =a% tightens. 2Don$t be ! rio s abo t Hy#e. I$m = st gla# thef !"er$s lo!"e# p.4 It$s almost a repriman#& b t I !hoose to ignore his tone. 2Do yo thin" he$s %or"ing %ith someone.4 (he tho ght that someone elsemight be in'ol'e# ma"es me si!". It %o l# mean this isn$t o'er. 2I #on$t "no%&4 3hristian ans%ers& an# his =a% tightens on!e more. 2Maybe someone %ho has a gr #ge against yo .4 I s ggest. Holy shit. I hopeit$s not the bit!h troll. 2@i"e Elena.4 I %hisper. I reali)e I$'e m ttere# her nameo t lo #& b t only

he !an hear. I glan!e an9io sly at Fate& b t she$s #eep in !on<'ersation %ith Elliot %ho loo"s pisse# at her. Hmm. 25o #o li"e to #emoni)e her& #on$t yo .4 3hristian rolls his eyes an# sha"eshis hea# in #isg st. 2She may hol# a gr #ge& b t she %o l#n$t #o this "in# ofthing.4 He pins me %ith a stea#y gray ga)e. 2@et$s not #is! ss her. I "no% she$snot yo r fa'orite topi! of !on'ersation.4 2Ha'e yo !onfronte# her.4 I %hisper& not s re if I really %ant to "no%. 2Ana& I ha'en$t spo"en to her sin!e my birth#ay party. 6lease& #rop it. I #on$t%ant to tal" abo t her.4 He raises my han# an# br shes my "n !"les %ith his lips.His eyes b rn into mine& an# I "no% I sho l#n$t p rs e this line of B estioningright no%. 20et a room&4 Elliot teases. 2/h right; yo alrea#y ha'e& b t yo #i#n$t nee#it for long.4 He smir"s. 3hristian glan!es p an# pins Elliot %ith a !ool glare. 2F !" off& Elliot&4 hesays %itho t mali!e. 2D #e& = st telling yo ho% it is.4 Elliot$s eyes light p %ith mirth. 2@i"e yo $# "no%&4 3hristian m rm rs sar#oni!ally& raising an eyebro%. Elliot grins& en=oying the banter. 25o marrie# yo r first girlfrien#.4 Elliotgest res at me. /h shit. -here is this going. I fl sh. 23an yo blame me.4 3hristian "isses my han# again. 21o.4 Elliot la ghs an# sha"es his hea#. I fl sh& an# Fate slaps Elliot$s thigh. 2Stop being an ass&4 she s!ol#s him. A58. A7A+55, 2@isten to yo r girlfrien#&4 3hristian says to Elliot& grinning& an# his earlier!on!ern seems to ha'e #isappeare#. My ears pop as %e gain altit #e& an# the ten<sion in the !abin #issipates as the plane le'els o t. Fate s!o%ls at Elliot. Hmm . . .is something p bet%een them. I$m not s re. Elliot is right. I snort at the irony. I am;%as;3hristian$s first girlfrien#&an# no% I$m his %ife. (he fifteen an# the e'il Mrs. Robinson;they #on$t !o nt.> t then Elliot #oesn$t "no% abo t them& an# !learly Fate hasn$t tol# him. I smileat her& an# she gi'es me a !onspiratorial %in". My se!rets are safe %ith Fate. 2/"ay& la#ies an# gentlemen& %e$ll be !r ising at an altit #e ofappro9imately thirty<t%o tho san# feet& an# o r estimate# flight time is one ho ran# fifty<si9 min tes&4 Stephan anno n!es. 25o are no% free to mo'e aro n# the!abin.4 1atalia appears abr ptly from the galley. 2May I offer anyone !offee.4 she as"s. A70. -e lan# smoothly at Sar#y Fiel# at ,ALA5 p.m. RMS(S. Stephan brings the planeto a halt a little %ay from the main terminal& an# thro gh the %in#o%s I spot alarge C- mini'an %aiting for s. 20oo# lan#ing.4 3hristian grins an# sha"es Stephan$s han# as %e get rea#yto file o t of the =et. 2It$s all abo t the #ensity altit #e& sir.4 Stephan smiles ba!". 2>eighley hereis goo# at math.4 3hristian no#s at Stephan$s first offi!er. 25o naile# it& >eighley. Smoothlan#ing.4 A7,. A74+55, 2(han" yo & sir.4 She grins sm gly. 2En=oy yo r %ee"en#& Mr. 0rey& Mrs. 0rey. -e$ll see yo tomorro%.4Stephan steps asi#e to let s #isembar" an# ta"ing my han#& 3hristian lea#s me#o%n the air!raft steps to %here (aylor is %aiting by the 'ehi!le. 2Mini'an.4 says 3hristian in s rprise as (aylor sli#es open the #oor. (aylor gi'es him a tight& !ontrite smile an# a slight shr g. 2@ast min te& I "no%&4 3hristian says& imme#iately pla!ate#.

(aylor ret rnsto the plane to retrie'e o r l ggage. 2-ant to ma"e o t in the ba!" of the 'an.4 3hristian m rm rs to me& a mis<!hie'o s gleam in his eye. I giggle. -ho is this man& an# %hat has he #one %ith Mr. ?nbelie'ablyAngry of the last !o ple of #ays. 23ome on& yo t%o. 0et in&4 Mia says from behin# s& oo)ing impatien!e be<si#e Ethan. -e !limb in& stagger to the #o ble seat at the ba!"& an# sit #o%n. Isn ggle against 3hristian& an# he p ts his arm aro n# the ba!" of my seat. 23om<fortable.4 he m rm rs as Mia an# Ethan ta"e the seat in front of s. 25es.4 I smile an# he "isses my forehea#. An# for some nfathomable reasonI feel shy %ith him to#ay. -hy. @ast night. >eing %ith !ompany. I !an$t p t myfinger on it. Elliot an# Fate =oin s last as (aylor opens the liftgate to loa# the l ggage.Fi'e min tes later& %e are on o r %ay. I ga)e o t the %in#o% as %e hea# to%ar# Aspen. (he trees are green& b t a%hisper of the !oming fall is e'i#ent here an# there in the yello%ing tips of thelea'es. (he s"y is a !lear !rystal bl e& tho gh there are #ar"ening !lo #s to the%est. All aro n# s in the #istan!e loom the Ro!"ies& the highest pea" #ire!tlyahea#. (hey$re l sh an# green& an# the highest are !appe# %ith sno% an# loo"li"e a !hil#$s #ra%ing of mo ntains. -e$re in the %inter playgro n# of the ri!h an# famo s. An# I o%n a ho sehere. I !an barely belie'e it. An# from #eep %ithin my psy!he& the familiar neasethat$s al%ays present %hen I try to %rap my hea# aro n# 3hristian$s %ealth loomsan# ta nts me& ma"ing me feel g ilty. -hat ha'e I #one to #eser'e this lifestyle.I$'e #one nothing& nothing e9!ept fall in lo'e. 2Ha'e yo been to Aspen before& Ana.4 Ethan t rns an# as"s& #ragging meo t of my re'erie. 21o& first time. 5o .4 A7A. A75+55, 2Fate an# I se# to !ome here a lot %hen %e %ere teens. Da#$s a "een s"ier.Mom less so.4 2I$m hoping my h sban# %ill tea!h me ho% to s"i.4 I glan!e p at my man. 2Don$t bet on it&4 3hristian m tters. 2I %on$t be that ba#!4 25o might brea" yo r ne!".4 His grin gone. /h. I #on$t %ant to arg e an# so r his goo# moo#& so I !hange the s b=e!t.2Ho% long ha'e yo ha# this pla!e.4 21early t%o years. It$s yo rs no%& too& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says softly. 2I "no%&4 I %hisper. > t someho% I #on$t feel the !o rage of my !on'i!<tions. @eaning in& I "iss his =a% an# nestle on!e more at his si#e listening to himla gh an# =o"e %ith Ethan an# Elliot. Mia !himes in o!!asionally& b t Fate isB iet& an# I %on#er if she$s broo#ing abo t Da!" Hy#e or something else. (hen Iremember. Aspen . . . 3hristian$s ho se here %as re#esigne# by 0ia Matteo an#reb ilt by Elliot. I %on#er if that$s %hat$s preo!! pying Fate. I !an$t as" her infront of Elliot& gi'en his history %ith 0ia. Does Fate e'en "no% abo t 0ia$s !on<ne!tion to the ho se. I fro%n %on#ering %hat !o l# be bothering her an# resol'eto as" her %hen %e$re on o r o%n. -e #ri'e thro gh the !enter of Aspen an# my moo# brightens as I ta"e in theto%n. (here are sB at b il#ings of mostly re# bri!"& S%iss<style !halets& an# n <mero s little t rn of the !ent ry ho ses painte# in f n !olors. 6lenty of ban"s an##esigner shops& too& betraying the affl en!e of the lo!al pop la!e. /f !o rse3hristian fits in here. 2-hy #i# yo !hoose Aspen.4 I as" him. 2-hat.4 He regar#s me B i))i!ally. 2(o b y a pla!e.4 2Mom an# Da# se# to bring s here %hen %e %ere "i#s. I learne# to s"ihere& an# I li"e the pla!e. I hope yo #o& too;other%ise %e$ll sell the ho se an#!hoose

some%here else.4 Simple as that! He t !"s a loose stran# of my hair behin# my ear. 25o loo" lo'ely to#ay&4he m rm rs. My !hee"s heat. I$m = st %earing my tra'elling gearL =eans an# a (<shirt %itha light%eight na'y bl e =a!"et. Damn it. -hy #oes he ma"e me feel shy. He "isses me& a ten#er& s%eet& lo'ing "iss. A7E. A77+55, (aylor #ri'es s on o t of to%n& an# %e start to !limb the other si#e of the'alley& t%isting along a mo ntain roa#. (he higher %e go& the more e9!ite# I get&an# 3hristian tenses besi#e me. 2-hat$s %rong.4 I as" as %e ro n# a ben#. 2I hope yo li"e it&4 he says B ietly. 2-e$re here.4 (aylor slo%s an# t rns thro gh a gate%ay ma#e of gray& beige& an# re#stones. He hea#s #o%n the #ri'e%ay an# finally p lls p o tsi#e the impressi'eho se. Do ble fronte# %ith high<pit!he# roofs an# b ilt of #ar" %oo# an# thesame mi9e# stone as the gate%ay. It$s st nning;mo#ern an# star"& 'ery m !h3hristian$s style. 2Home&4 he mo ths at me as o r g ests start piling o t of the 'an. 2@oo"s goo#.4 23ome. See&4 he says& an e9!ite#& tho gh an9io s& gleam in his eyes as if he$sabo t to sho% me his s!ien!e pro=e!t or something. Mia r ns p the steps to %here a %oman stan#s in the #oor%ay. She$s tinyan# her ra'en<!olore# hair is # ste# %ith gray. Mia flings her arms aro n# herne!" an# h gs her tightly. 2-ho$s that.4 I as" as 3hristian helps me o t of the 'an. 2Mrs. >entley. She li'es here %ith her h sban#. (hey loo" after the pla!e.4 Holy !o% . . . more staff. Mia is ma"ing intro# !tions; Ethan& then Fate. Elliot h gs Mrs. >entley&too. As (aylor nloa#s the 'an& 3hristian ta"es my han# an# lea#s me to the front#oor. 2-el!ome ba!"& Mr. 0rey.4 Mrs. >entley smiles. 23armella& this is my %ife& Anastasia&4 3hristian says pro #ly. His tong e!aresses my name& ma"ing my heart st tter. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 Mrs. >entley no#s a respe!tf l greeting. I hol# o t my han# an#%e sha"e. It$s no s rprise to me that she$s m !h more formal %ith 3hristian thanthe rest of the family. 2I hope yo $'e ha# a pleasant flight. (he %eather is s ppose# to be fine all%ee"en#& tho gh I$m not s re.4 She eyes the #ar"ening gray !lo #s behin# s.2@ n!h is rea#y %hene'er yo %ant.4 She smiles again& her #ar" eyes t%in"ling&an# I %arm to her imme#iately. 2Here.4 3hristian grabs me an# lifts me off my feet. 2-hat are yo #oing.4 I sB eal. A74. A7:+55, 23arrying yo o'er yet another threshol#& Mrs. 0rey.4 I grin as he !arries me into the %i#e hall%ay& an# after a brief "iss& he sets megently #o%n onto the har#%oo# floor. (he interior #G!or is star" an# remin#s meof the great room at Es!ala;all %hite %alls& #ar" %oo#& an# !ontemporary ab< stra!t art. (he hall%ay opens p into a large sitting area %here three off< %hiteleather !o !hes s rro n# a stone firepla!e that #ominates the room. (he only !ol<or is from the soft ! shions s!attere# on the !o !hes. Mia grabs Ethan$s han# an##rags him farther into the ho se. 3hristian narro%s his eyes at their #eparting fig< res& his mo th thinning. He sha"es his hea# then t rns to me. Fate %histles lo #ly. 21i!e pla!e.4 I glan!e aro n# to see Elliot helping (aylor %ith o r l ggage. I %on#er againif she "no%s that 0ia ha# a han# in this pla!e. 2(o r.4 3hristian as"s me& an# %hate'er %as going thro gh his min# abo tMia an# Ethan has gone. He$s ra#iating e9!itement;

or is it an9iety. It$s #iffi! ltto tell. 2S re.4 /n!e again I$m o'er%helme# by the %ealth. Ho% m !h #i# thispla!e !ost. An# I ha'e !ontrib te# nothing to it. >riefly I$m transporte# ba!" tothe first time 3hristian too" me to Es!ala. I %as o'er%helme# then. 5o got se#to it& my s b!ons!io s hisses at me. 3hristian fro%ns b t ta"es my han#& lea#ing me thro gh the 'ario s rooms.(he state<of<the<art "it!hen is all pale marble !o ntertops an# bla!" ! pboar#s.(here$s an impressi'e %ine !ellar& an# an e9pansi'e #en #o%nstairs& !omplete%ith large plasma s!reen& soft !o !hes . . . an# a billiar# table. I gape at it an#bl sh %hen 3hristian !at!hes me. 2Fan!y a game.4 he as"s& a %i!"e# gleam in his eye. I sha"e my hea#& an#his bro% f rro%s on!e more. (a"ing my han# again& he lea#s me p to the firstfloor. (here are fo r be#rooms pstairs& ea!h %ith an en s ite bathroom. (he master s ite is something else. (he be# is h ge& bigger than the be# athome& an# fa!es an enormo s pi!t re %in#o% loo"ing o t o'er Aspen an# to%ar#the 'er#ant mo ntains. 2(hat$s A=a9 Mo ntain . . . or Aspen Mo ntain& if yo li"e&4 3hristian says&eyeing me %arily. He$s stan#ing in the #oor%ay& his th mbs hoo"e# thro gh thebelt loops on his bla!" =eans. I no#. 25o $re 'ery B iet&4 he m rm rs. A75. A7*+55, 2It$s lo'ely& 3hristian.4 An# s ##enly I$m a!hing to be ba!" at Es!ala. In fi'e long stri#es he$s stan#ing in front of me& t gging at my !hin& an# re<leasing my lo%er lip from the grip of my teeth. 2-hat is it.4 he as"s& his eyes sear!hing mine. 25o $re 'ery ri!h.4 25es.4 2Sometimes& it = st ta"es me by s rprise ho% %ealthy yo are.4 2-e are.4 2-e are&4 I m tter a tomati!ally. 2Don$t stress abo t this& Ana& please. It$s = st a ho se.4 2An# %hat #i# 0ia #o here& e9a!tly.4 20ia.4 He raises his eyebro%s in s rprise. 25es. She remo#ele# this pla!e.4 2She #i#. She #esigne# the #en #o%nstairs. Elliot #i# the b il#.4 He ra"es hishan# thro gh his hair an# fro%ns at me. 2-hy are %e tal"ing abo t 0ia.4 2Di# yo "no% she ha# a fling %ith Elliot.4 3hristian ga)es at me for a moment& gray eyes nrea#able. 2Elliot$s f !"e#most of Seattle& Ana.4 I gasp. 2Mainly %omen& I n#erstan#&4 3hristian =o"es. I thin" he$s am se# by mye9pression. 21o!4 3hristian no#s. 2It$s none of my b siness.4 He hol#s his palms p. 2I #on$t thin" Fate "no%s.4 2I$m not s re he broa#!asts that information. Fate seems to be hol#ing hero%n.4 I$m sho!"e#. S%eet& nass ming& blon#& bl e<eye# Elliot. I stare in #isbelief. 3hristian tilts his hea# to one si#e& s!r tini)ing me. 2(his !an$t = st be abo t0ia or Elliot$s promis! ity.4 2I "no%. I$m sorry. After all that$s happene# this %ee"& it$s = st . . .4 I shr g&feeling tearf l all of a s ##en. 3hristian seems to sag %ith relief. 6 lling me intohis arms& he hol#s me tightly& his nose in my hair. 2I "no%. I$m sorry& too. @et$s rela9 an# en=oy o rsel'es& o"ay. 5o !an stayhere an# rea#& %at!h go#<a%f l (C& shop& go hi"ing;fishing e'en. -hate'er yo %ant to #o. An# forget %hat I sai# abo t Elliot. (hat %as in#is!reet of me.4 A77. A78+55, 20oes some %ay to e9plain %hy he$s al%ays teasing yo &4 I m rm r& n ))<ling his !hest. 2He really has no i#ea abo t my past. I tol# yo & my family ass me# I %asgay. 3elibate& b t gay.4 I giggle an# begin to rela9 in his arms. 2I tho ght yo %ere !elibate. Ho%%rong I %as.4 I %rap my

arms aro n# him& mar'eling at the ri#i! lo sness of3hristian being gay. 2Mrs. 0rey& are yo smir"ing at me.4 2Maybe a little.4 I a!B ies!e. 25o "no%& %hat I #on$t n#erstan# is %hyyo ha'e this pla!e.4 2-hat #o yo mean.4 He "isses my hair. 25o ha'e the boat& %hi!h I get& yo ha'e the pla!e in 1e% 5or" for b si<ness;b t %hy here. It$s not li"e yo share# it %ith anyone.4 3hristian stills an# is silent for se'eral beats. 2I %as %aiting for yo &4 he sayssoftly& his eyes #ar" gray an# l mino s. 2(hat$s . . . that$s s !h a lo'ely thing to say.4 2It$s tr e. I #i#n$t "no% it at the time.4 He smiles his shy smile. 2I$m gla# yo %aite#.4 25o are %orth %aiting for& Mrs. 0rey.4 He tips my !hin p %ith his finger&leans #o%n& an# "isses me ten#erly. 2So are yo .4 I smile. 2(ho gh I feel I li"e I !heate#. I #i#n$t ha'e to %aitlong for yo at all.4 He grins. 2Am I that m !h of a pri)e.4 23hristian& yo are the state lottery& the ! re for !an!er& an# the three %ishesfrom Ala##in$s lamp all rolle# into one.4 He raises a bro%. 2-hen %ill yo reali)e this.4 I s!ol# him. 25o %ere a 'ery eligible ba!hel<or. An# I #on$t mean all this.4 I %a'e #ismissingly at o r pl sh s rro n#ings. 2Imean in here.4 I pla!e my han# o'er his heart& an# his eyes %i#en. My !onfi#ent&se9y h sban# has gone& an# I$m fa!ing my lost boy. 2>elie'e me& 3hristian&please&4 I %hisper an# !lasp his fa!e& p lling his lips to mine. He groans& an# I#on$t "no% if it$s hearing %hat I$'e sai# or his s al primal response. I !laim him&my lips mo'ing against his& my tong e in'a#ing his mo th. -hen %e$re both breathless& he p lls a%ay& eyeing me #o btf lly. A7:. A:0+55, 2-hen are yo going to get it thro gh yo r e9!eptionally thi!" s" ll that Ilo'e yo .4 I as"& e9asperate#. He s%allo%s. 2/ne #ay&4 he says. (his is progress. I smile an# am re%ar#e# %ith his ans%ering shy smile. 23ome. @et$s ha'e some l n!h;the others %ill be %on#ering %here %e are.-e !an #is! ss %hat %e all %ant to #o.42/h no!4 Fate says s ##enly. All eyes t rn to her. 2@oo"&4 she says& pointing to the pi!t re %in#o%. / tsi#e& rain has starte#po ring #o%n. -e are sitting aro n# the #ar" %oo# table in the "it!hen ha'ing!ons me# an Italian feast of a mi9e# antipasto& prepare# by Mrs. >entley& an# abottle or t%o of Fras!ati. I$m replete an# a little b ))e# from the al!ohol. 2(here goes o r hi"e&4 Elliot m tters& so n#ing 'ag ely relie'e#. Fates!o%ls at him. Something is #efinitely p %ith them. (hey ha'e been rela9e# %ithall of s b t not %ith ea!h other. 2-e !o l# go into to%n&4 Mia pipes p. Ethan smir"s at her. 26erfe!t %eather for fishing&4 3hristian s ggests. 2I$ll go fish&4 Ethan says. 2@et$s split p.4 Mia !laps her han#s. 20irls& shopping;boys& o t#oor boringst ff.4 I glan!e at Fate& %ho regar#s Mia in# lgently. Fishing or shopping. Dee)&%hat a !hoi!e. 2Ana& %hat #o yo %ant to #o.4 3hristian as"s. 2I #on$t min#&4 I lie. Fate !at!hes my eye an# mo ths 2shopping.4 6erhaps she %ants to tal". 2> t I$m more than happy to go shopping.4 I smile %ryly at Fate an# Mia.3hristian smir"s. He "no%s I hate shopping. 2I !an stay here %ith yo & if yo $# li"e&4 he m rm rs& an# something #ar" n<f rls in my belly at his tone. 21o& yo go fish&4 I ans%er. 3hristian nee#s boy time. 2So n#s li"e a plan&4 Fate says& rising from the table.

A7*. A:,+55, 2(aylor %ill a!!ompany yo &4 3hristian says& an# it$s a gi'en ;not p for#is! ssion. 2-e #on$t nee# babysitting&4 Fate retorts bl ntly& #ire!t as e'er. I p t my han# on Fate$s arm. 2Fate& (aylor sho l# !ome.4 She fro%ns& then shr gs& an# for on!e in her life hol#s her tong e. I smile timi#ly at 3hristian. His e9pression remains impassi'e. /h& I hopehe$s not ma# at Fate. Elliot fro%ns. 2I nee# to pi!" p a battery for my %at!h in to%n.4 He glan!esB i!"ly at Fate& an# I spot his slight bl sh. She #oesn$t noti!e be!a se she is poin<te#ly ignoring him. 2(a"e the A #i& Elliot. -hen yo !ome ba!" %e !an go fishing&4 3hristiansays. 25eah&4 Elliot m tters& b t he seems #istra!te#. 20oo# plan.42In here.4 0rabbing my han#& Mia ha ls me into a #esigner bo tiB e that$s allpin" sil" an# fa 9<Fren!h #istresse# r sti! f rnit re. Fate follo%s s %hile (aylor%aits o tsi#e& sheltering n#er the a%ning from the rain. Aretha is belting o t2Say A @ittle 6rayer4 o'er the store$s hi<fi system. I lo'e this song. I sho l# p t iton 3hristian$s i6o#. 2(his %ill loo" %on#erf l on yo & Ana.4 Mia hol#s p a s!rap of sil'er ma<terial. 2Here& try it on.4 2?m . . . it$s a bit short.4 25o $ll loo" fantasti! in it. 3hristian %ill lo'e it.4 25o thin".4 Mia beams at me. 2Ana& yo ha'e legs to #ie for& an# if %e go !l bbing to<night4;she smiles& sensing an easy "ill ;2yo $ll loo" hot for yo r h sban#.4 I blin" at her& slightly sho!"e#. -e$re going !l bbing. I #on$t #o !l bbing. Fate la ghs at my e9pression. She seems more rela9e# no% that she$s a%ayfrom Elliot. 2-e sho l# thro% some shapes this e'ening&4 she says. 20o try it on&4 Mia or#ers& an# rel !tantly I hea# for the !hanging room. A78. A:A+55,-hile I %ait for Fate an# Mia to emerge from the #ressing room& I stroll to theshop %in#o% an# loo" o t& nseeing& a!ross the main street. (he so l !ompilation!ontin esL Dionne -ar%i!" is singing 2-al" /n >y.4 Another great song;oneof my mother$s fa'orites. I glan!e #o%n at (he Dress in my han#. Dress is per<haps an o'erstatement. It$s ba!"less an# 'ery short& b t Mia has #e!lare# it a %in<ner& perfe!t for #an!ing the night a%ay. Apparently& I nee# shoes& too& an# a large!h n"y ne!"la!e& %hi!h %e$ll so r!e ne9t. Rolling my eyes& I refle!t on!e moreon ho% l !"y I am to ha'e 3aroline A!ton& my o%n personal shopper. (hro gh the bo tiB e %in#o% I$m #istra!te# by the sight of Elliot. He hasappeare# on the other si#e of the leafy main street& !limbing o t of a large A #i.He #i'es into a store as if to # !" o t of the rain. @oo"s li"e a =e%elry store . . .maybe he$s loo"ing for that %at!h battery. He emerges a fe% min tes later an#not alone;%ith a %oman. F !"! He$s tal"ing to 0ia! -hat the hell is she #oing here. As I %at!h& they h g briefly an# she hol#s her hea# ba!"& la ghing anim<ate#ly at something he says. He "isses her !hee" then r ns to the %aiting !ar. Shet rns an# hea#s #o%n the street& an# I gape after her. -hat %as that abo t. I t rnan9io sly to%ar# the #ressing rooms& b t there$s still no sign of Fate or Mia. I glan!e at (aylor& %here he$s %aiting o tsi#e the store. He !at!hes my eyethen shr gs. He$s %itnesse# Elliot$s little en!o nter& too. I bl sh& embarrasse# toha'e been !a ght snooping. ( rning ba!"& Mia an# Fate emerge& both of themla ghing. Fate loo"s at me B i))i!ally. 2-hat$s %rong& Ana.4 she as"s. 25o gone !ol# on the #ress. 5o loo" sen<sational in it.4 2?m& no.4 2Are yo o"ay.4 Fate$s eyes %i#en. 2I$m fine. Shall %e pay.4 I

hea# to the !ashier =oining Mia %ho has !hosent%o s"irts. 20oo# afternoon& ma$am.4 (he yo ng sales assistant;%ho has more gloss!oating her lips than I ha'e e'er seen in one pla!e;smiles at me. 2(hat$ll beeight h n#re# an# fifty #ollars.4 -hat. For this s!rap of material! I blin" at her an# mee"ly han# o'er mybla!" Ame9. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 Ms. @ip 0loss p rrs. A:0. A:E+55, I follo% Fate an# Mia in a #a)e for the ne9t t%o ho rs& %arring %ith myself.Sho l# I tell Fate. My s b!ons!io s firmly sha"es her hea#. 5es& I sho l# tellher. 1o& I sho l#n$t. It !o l# = st ha'e been an inno!ent meeting. Shit. -hatsho l# I #o. 2-ell& #o yo li"e the shoes& Ana.4 Mia has her fists on her hips. 2?m . . . yeah& s re.4 I en# p %ith a pair of nfeasibly high Manolo >lahni"s %ith straps that loo"li"e they are ma#e from mirrors. (hey mat!h the #ress perfe!tly an# set 3hristianba!" = st o'er a tho san# #ollars. I$m l !"ier %ith the long sil'er !hain that Fateinsists I b yH it$s a bargain at eighty<fo r #ollars. 20etting se# to ha'ing money.4 Fate as"s not n"in#ly as %e %al" ba!" tothe !ar. Mia has s"ippe# ahea#. 25o "no% this isn$t me& Fate. I$m "in# of n!omfortable abo t all this. > tI$m reliably informe# it$s part of the pa!"age.4 I p rse my lips at her& an# she p tsher arm aro n# me. 25o $ll get se# to it& Ana&4 she says sympatheti!ally. 25o $ll loo" great.4 2Fate& ho% are yo an# Elliot getting along.4 I as". Her %i#e bl e eyes #art to mine. /h no. She sha"es her hea#. 2I #on$t %ant to tal" abo t it no%.4 She no#s to%ar#Mia. 2> t things are;4 She #oesn$t finish her senten!e. (his is nli"e my tena!io s Fate. Shit. I "ne% something %as p. Do I tellher %hat I sa%. -hat #i# I see. Elliot an# Miss -ell< 0roome#<Se9 al<6re#atortal"ing& h gging& an# that "iss on the !hee". S rely they are = st ol# frien#s. 1o& I%on$t tell her. 1ot right no%. I gi'e her my I<!ompletely< n#erstan#<an#<%ill<respe!t<yo r<pri'a!y no#. She rea!hes for my han# an# gi'es it a gratef lsB ee)e& an# there it is;a s%ift glimpse of pain an# h rt in her eyes that sheB i!"ly stifles %ith a blin". I feel a s ##en s rge of prote!ti'eness for my #earfrien#. -hat the hell is Elliot Man%hore 0rey playing at./n!e ba!" at the ho se& Fate #e!i#es %e #eser'e !o!"tails after o r shopping e9<tra'agan)a an# %hips p some stra%berry #aiB iris for s. -e ! rl p on the sit<ting room !o !hes in front of the bla)ing log fire. A:,. A:4+55, 2Elliot has = st been a little #istant lately&4 Fate m rm rs& ga)ing into theflames. Fate an# I finally ha'e a moment to o rsel'es as Mia p ts a%ay her p r<!hases.2/h.4 2An# I thin" I$m in tro ble for getting yo into tro ble.4 25o hear# abo t that.4 25es. 3hristian !alle# ElliotH Elliot !alle# me.4 I roll my eyes. /h& Fifty& Fifty& Fifty. 2I$m sorry. 3hristian is . . . prote!ti'e. 5o ha'en$t seen Elliot sin!e!o!"tailgate.4 21o.4 2/h.4 2I really li"e him& Ana&4 she %hispers. An# for one #rea#f l min te I thin"she$s going to !ry. (his is not li"e Fate. Does this mean the ret rn of the pin" pa< =amas. She t rns to me. 2I$'e fallen in lo'e %ith him. At first I tho ght it %as = st the great se9. > the$s !harming an# "in# an# %arm an# f nny. I !o l# see s gro%ing ol# togeth<er;yo "no% . . . "i#s& gran#"i#s;the %or"s.4 25o r happily e'er after&4 I %hisper. She no#s sa#ly. 2Maybe yo sho l# tal" to him. (ry to fin# some alone time here. Fin# o t%hat$s eating him.4 -ho$s eating him& my s b!ons!io s snarls. I slap her #o%n& sho!"e# at

the%ay%ar#ness of my o%n tho ghts. 26erhaps yo g ys !o l# go for a %al" tomorro% morning.4 2-e$ll see.4 2Fate& I hate seeing yo li"e this.4 She smiles %ea"ly& an# I lean o'er to h g her. I resol'e not to mention 0ia&tho gh I might mention it to the man%hore himself. Ho% !an he mess %ith myfrien#$s affe!tions li"e this. Mia ret rns& an# %e mo'e on to safer territory. A:A. A:5+55,(he fire hisses an# spits spar"s on to the hearth as I fee# it the last log. -e$re al<most o t of %oo#. E'en tho gh it$s s mmer& the fire is 'ery %el!ome on this %et#ay. 2Mia& #o yo "no% %here the %oo# for the fire is "ept.4 I as" as she sips her#aiB iri. 2I thin" it$s in the garage.4 2I$ll go fin# some. It$ll gi'e me an opport nity to e9plore.4 (he rain has ease# off %hen I 'ent re o tsi#e an# hea# to the three<!ar gar<age a#=oining the ho se. (he si#e #oor is nlo!"e# an# I enter& s%it!hing on thelight to fight the gloom. (he fl ores!ent strips ping noisily to life. (here$s a !ar in the garage& an# I reali)e it$s the A #i I sa% Elliot in this af<ternoon. (here are also t%o sno%mobiles. > t %hat really grabs my attention arethe t%o trail bi"es& both ,A5!!. Memories of Ethan bra'ely en#ea'oring to tea!hme ho% to ri#e last s mmer flash thro gh my min#. ?n!ons!io sly& I r b my arm%here I ba#ly br ise# it in a fall. 25o ri#e.4 Elliot as"s from behin# me. I %hirl aro n#. 25o $re ba!".4 2It %o l# appear so.4 He grins& an# I reali)e that 3hristian might say thesame thing to me;b t %itho t the h ge& heart<melting grin. 2-ell.4 he as"s. Man%hore! 2Sort of.4 2Do yo %ant a go.4 I snort. 2?m& no . . . I #on$t thin" 3hristian %o l# be 'ery happy if I #i#.4 23hristian$s not here.4 Elliot smir"s;oh& it$s a family trait;an# %a'es hisarm to in#i!ate %e$re alone. He strolls to%ar# the nearest bi"e an# s%ings a long#enim<!la# leg o'er the sa##le& sitting astri#e an# grabbing the han#lebars. 23hristian has& m . . . iss es abo t my safety. I sho l#n$t.4 25o al%ays #o %hat he says.4 Elliot has a %i!"e# spar"le in his baby<bl eeyes& an# I see a glimmer of the ba# boy . . . the ba# boy Fate has fallen in lo'e%ith. (he ba# boy from Detroit. 21o.4 I ar!h an a#monishing bro% at him. 2> t I$m trying to p t that right.He has eno gh to %orry abo t %itho t a##ing me to the mi9. Is he ba!".4 2I #on$t "no%.4 25o #i#n$t go fishing.4 Elliot sha"es his hea#. 2I ha# some b siness to #eal %ith in to%n.4 A:E. A:7+55, > siness! Holy shit;groome# blon#e b siness! I inhale sharply an# gape athim. 2If yo #on$t %ant to ri#e& %hat are yo #oing in the garage.4 Elliot isintrig e#. 2I$m loo"ing for %oo# for the fire.4 2(here yo are. /h& Elliot;yo $re ba!".4 Fate interr pts s. 2Hey& baby.4 He smiles broa#ly. 23at!h anything.4 I s!r tini)e Elliot$s rea!tion. 21o. I ha# a fe% things to ta"e !are of in to%n.4An# for one brief moment& I see a flash of n!ertainty !ross his fa!e. /h shit. 2I !ame o t to see %hat %as "eeping Ana.4 Fate loo"s at s& !onf se#. 2-e %ere = st shooting the bree)e&4 Elliot says& an# the tension !ra!"lesbet%een them. -e all pa se as %e hear a !ar p ll p o tsi#e. /h! 3hristian$s ba!". (han"hea'ens. (he garage #oor opener %hirrs lo #ly into a!tion& startling s all& an# the#oor slo%ly lifts to re'eal 3hristian an# Ethan nloa#ing a bla!" flatbe# tr !".3hristian stops %hen he sees s stan#ing in the garage. 20arage ban#.4 he as"s sar#oni!ally

as he %an#ers in& hea#ing straight forme. I grin. I am relie'e# to see him. >eneath his %a#ing =a!"et& he$s %earing the!o'eralls I sol# him at 3laytons. 2Hi&4 he says loo"ing B i))i!ally at me& ignoring both Fate an# Elliot. 2Hi. 1i!e !o'eralls.4 2@ots of po!"ets. Cery han#y for fishing.4 His 'oi!e is soft an# se# !ti'e& formy ears only& an# %hen he ga)es #o%n at me& his e9pression is hot. I fl sh& an# he smiles a h ge& no<hol#s<barre#& all<for<me smile. 25o $re %et&4 I m rm r. 2It %as raining. -hat are yo g ys #oing in the garage.4 Finally he a!"no%<le#ges that %e are not alone. 2Ana !ame to fet!h some %oo#&4 Elliot smir"s. Someho% he manages toma"e that senten!e so n# sm tty. 2I trie# to tempt her to ta"e a ri#e.4 He is mas<ter of the #o ble enten#re. 3hristian$s fa!e falls& an# my heart stills. A:4. A::+55, 2She sai# no. (hat yo %o l#n$t li"e it&4 Elliot says "in#ly; an# inn en#o<free. 3hristian$s gray ga)e s%ings ba!" to me. 2Di# she& no%.4 he m rm rs. 2@isten& I$m all for stan#ing aro n# #is! ssing %hat Ana #i# ne9t& b t shall%e go ba!" insi#e.4 Fate snaps. She stoops #o%n& snat!hes p t%o logs& an# t rnson her heel& stomping to%ar# the #oor. /h shit. Fate is ma#;b t I "no% it$s notat me. Elliot sighs an#& %itho t a %or#& follo%s her o t. I ga)e after them& b t3hristian #istra!ts me. 25o !an ri#e a motor!y!le.4 he as"s& his 'oi!e la!e# %ith #isbelief. 21ot 'ery %ell. Ethan ta ght me.4 His eyes frost imme#iately. 25o ma#e the right #e!ision&4 he says& his 'oi!em !h !ooler. 2(he gro n#$s 'ery har# at the moment& an# the rain$s ma#e ittrea!hero s an# slippery.4 2-here #o yo %ant the fishing gear.4 Ethan !alls from o tsi#e. 2@ea'e it& Ethan;(aylor %ill ta"e !are of it.4 2-hat abo t the fish.4 Ethan !ontin es& his 'oi!e 'ag ely ta nting. 25o !a ght a fish.4 I as"& s rprise#. 21ot me. Fa'anagh #i#.4 An# 3hristian po ts . . . prettily. I b rst o t la ghing. 2Mrs. >entley %ill #eal %ith that&4 he !alls ba!". Ethan grins an# hea#s intothe ho se. 2Am I am sing yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 2Cery m !h so. 5o $re %et . . . @et me r n yo a bath.4 2As long as yo =oin me.4 He leans #o%n an# "isses me.I fill the large egg<shape# t b in the en s ite bathroom an# po r in some e9pens<i'e bath oil& %hi!h starts to foam imme#iately. (he aroma is hea'enly . . . =as<mine& I thin". >a!" in the be#room& I start to hang (he Dress %hile the bath fills. 2Di# yo ha'e a goo# time.4 3hristian as"s as he enters the room. He$s = stin a (<shirt an# s%eat pants& his feet bare. He !loses the #oor behin# him. 25es&4 I m rm r& #rin"ing him in. I ha'e misse# him. Ri#i! lo s;it$s onlybeen %hat& a fe% ho rs. He !o!"s his hea# to one si#e an# ga)es at me. 2-hat is it.4 A:5. A:*+55, 2I %as thin"ing ho% m !h I$'e misse# yo .4 25o so n# li"e yo ha'e it ba#& Mrs. 0rey.4 2I ha'e& Mr. 0rey.4 He strolls to%ar# me ntil he$s stan#ing in front of me. 2-hat #i# yo b y.4he %hispers& an# I "no% it$s to !hange the topi! of !on'ersation. 2A #ress& some shoes& a ne!"la!e. I spent a great #eal of yo r money.4 Iglan!e p at him& g iltily. He$s am se#. 20oo#&4 he m rm rs an# t !"s a stray lo!" of my hair behin#my ear. 2An# for the billionth time& o r money.4 He t gs my !hin& releasing mylip from my teeth an# r ns his in#e9 finger #o%n the front of my (<shirt& #o%nmy stern m& bet%een my breasts& #o%n my stoma!h& an# o'er my belly to thehem. 25o %on$t be nee#ing this in the bath&4 he %hispers& an# gripping

the hemof my (<shirt in both han#s& slo%ly p lls it p. 2@ift yo r arms.4 I !omply& not ta"ing my eyes off his& an# he #rops my (<shirt on the floor. 2I tho ght %e %ere = st ha'ing a bath.4 My p lse B i!"ens. 2I %ant to ma"e yo goo# an# #irty first. I$'e misse# yo & too.4 He leans#o%n an# "isses me.2Shit& the %ater!4 I str ggle to sit p& all post<orgasmi! an# #a)e#. 3hristian #oesn$t release me. 23hristian& the bath!4 I ga)e #o%n at him from my prone position a!ross his!hest. He la ghs. 2Rela9;it$s a %et room.4 He rolls o'er an# "isses me B i!"ly.2I$ll s%it!h off the fa !et.4 He !limbs gra!ef lly off the be# an# strolls into the bathroom. My eyesgree#ily follo% him all the %ay. Hmm . . . my h sban#& na"e# an# soon to be %et.My inner go##ess li!"s her lips sala!io sly an# gi'es me her %ell<f !"e# grin. Ibo n# o t of be#. A:7. A:8+55,-e sit at opposite en#s of the bath& %hi!h is 'ery f ll;so f ll that %hene'er %emo'e& %ater laps o'er the si#e an# splashes to the floor. It$s 'ery #e!a#ent. E'enmore #e!a#ent is 3hristian %ashing my feet& massaging the soles& p lling gentlyon my toes. He "isses ea!h one an# gently bites my little toe. 2Aaah!4 I feel it;there& in my groin. 2@i"e that.4 he breathes. 2Hmm&4 I m mble in!oherently. He starts massaging again. /h& this feels goo#. I !lose my eyes. 2I sa% 0ia in to%n&4 I m rm r. 2Really. I thin" she has a pla!e here&4 he says #ismissi'ely. He$s not inter<este# in the slightest. 2She %as %ith Elliot.4 3hristian stops massaging. (hat got his attention. -hen I open my eyes hishea# is in!line# to one si#e& li"e he #oesn$t n#erstan#. 2-hat #o yo mean %ith Elliot.4 he as"s& perple9e# rather than !on!erne#. I e9plain %hat I sa%. 2Ana& they$re = st frien#s. I thin" Elliot is pretty st !" on Fate.4 He pa sesthen a##s more B ietly. 2In fa!t I "no% he$s pretty st !" on her.4 An# he gi'es mehis I<ha'e<no<i#ea<%hy loo". 2Fate is gorgeo s.4 I bristle& !hampioning my frien#. He snorts. 2Still gla# it %as yo that fell into my offi!e.4 He "isses my bigtoe& releases my left foot& an# pi!"s p my right before beginning the massagepro!ess again. His fingers are so strong an# s pple& I rela9 again. I #o not %ant tofight abo t Fate. I !lose my eyes an# let his fingers %or" their magi! on my feet.I gape at myself in the f ll<length mirror& not re!ogni)ing the 'i9en that staresba!" at me. Fate has gone all o t an# playe# >arbie %ith me this e'ening& stylingmy hair an# ma"e p. My hair is f ll an# straight& my eyes ringe# %ith "ohl& mylips s!arlet re#. I loo" . . . hot. I$m all legs& espe!ially in the high<heele# Manolosan# my in#e!ently short #ress. I nee# 3hristian to appro'e& tho gh I ha'e a hor<rible feeling he %on$t li"e so m !h of my flesh e9pose#. In 'ie% of o r entente!or#iale& I #e!i#e I sho l# as" him. I pi!" p my >la!">erry. A::. A*0+55,FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Does My > tt @oo" >ig In (his. DateL A g st A:& A0,, ,*L5E MS((oL 3hristian 0reyMr. 0reyI nee# yo r sartorial a#'i!e.5o rsMrs. 0 9FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL 6ea!hyDateL A g st A:& A0,, ,*L55 MS((oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0reyI serio sly #o bt it.> t I %ill !ome an# gi'e yo r b tt a thoro gh e9amination = st to ma"e s re.5o rs in anti!ipationMr. 0 93hristian 0rey&3E/ 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings an# > tt Inspe!torate In!. As I rea# his e<mail& the be#room #oor opens& an# 3hristian free)es on thethreshol#. His mo th pops open an# his

eyes %i#en. Holy !rap . . . this !o l# go either %ay. 2-ell.4 I %hisper. 2Ana& yo loo" . . . -o%.4 25o li"e it.4 25es& I g ess so.4 He$s a little hoarse. Slo%ly he steps into the room an#!loses the #oor. He$s %earing bla!" =eans an# a %hite shirt& b t %ith a bla!" =a!"<et. He loo"s #i'ine. He stal"s slo%ly to%ar# me& b t as soon as he rea!hes me& hep ts his han#s on my sho l#ers an# t rns me aro n# to fa!e the f ll<length mirror& A:*. A*,+55,%hile he stan#s behin# me. My ga)e fin#s his in the glass& then he glan!es #o%n&fas!inate# by my na"e# ba!". His finger gli#es #o%n my spine an# rea!hes thee#ge of my #ress at the small of my ba!"& %here pale flesh meets sil'er !loth. 2(his is 'ery re'ealing&4 he m rm rs. His han# s"ims lo%er& o'er my ba!"si#e an# #o%n to my na"e# thigh. Hepa ses& gray eyes b rning intently into bl e. (hen slo%ly he trails his fingers ba!" p to the hem of my s"irt. -at!hing his long fingers mo'e lightly& teasingly a!ross my s"in& feeling thetingles they lea'e in their %a"e& my mo th forms a perfe!t /. 2It$s not far from here.4 He to !hes the hem& then mo'es his fingers higher.2(o here&4 he %hispers. I gasp as his fingers stro"e my se9& mo'ing tantali)inglyo'er my panties& feeling me& teasing me. 2An# yo r point is.4 I %hisper. 2My point is . . . it$s not far from here4;his fingers gli#e o'er my panties&then one is insi#e& against my soft #ampene# flesh ;2to here. An# then . . . tohere.4 He slips a finger insi#e me. I gasp an# ma"e a soft me%ling so n#. 2(his is mine&4 he m rm rs in my ear. 3losing his eyes& he mo'es his fingerslo%ly in an# o t of me. 2I #on$t %ant anyone else to see this.4 My breath st tters& my panting mat!hing the rhythm of his finger. -at!hinghim in the mirror& #oing this . . . it$s beyon# eroti!. 2So be a goo# girl an# #on$t ben# #o%n& an# yo sho l# be fine.4 25o appro'e.4 I %hisper. 21o& b t I$m not going to stop yo %earing it. 5o loo" st nning& Anastasia.4Abr ptly he %ith#ra%s his finger& lea'ing me %anting more& an# he mo'es aro n#to fa!e me. He pla!es the tip of his in'a#ing finger on my lo%er lip. Instin!ti'ely&I p !"er my lips an# "iss it& an# I$m re%ar#e# %ith a %i!"e# grin. He p ts his fin<ger in his mo th an# his e9pression informs me that I taste goo# . . . real goo#. Ifl sh. -ill it al%ays sho!" me %hen he #oes that. He grasps my han#. 23ome&4 he or#ers softly. I %ant to retort that I %as abo t to& b t in light of%hat happene# in the playroom yester#ay& I #e!i#e against it. A:8. A*A+55,-e are %aiting for #essert in a pl sh& e9!l si'e resta rant in to%n. It$s been ali'ely e'ening so far& an# Mia is #etermine# it sho l# !ontin e an# that %e m stgo !l bbing. Right no% she$s sitting silently for on!e& hanging on Ethan$s e'ery%or# as he an# 3hristian tal". Mia is ob'io sly infat ate# %ith Ethan& an# Ethanis . . . %ell it$s #iffi! lt to tell. I #on$t "no% if they are = st frien#s or if there$ssomething more. 3hristian seems at ease. He$s been tal"ing animate#ly %ith Ethan. (hey ob'i<o sly bon#e# o'er the fly<fishing. (hey$re tal"ing abo t psy!hology& mainly.Ironi!ally& 3hristian so n#s the more "no%le#geable. I snort softly as I half listento their !on'ersation& sa#ly a!"no%le#ging that his e9pertise is the res lt of hise9perien!e %ith so many shrin"s. 5o $re the best therapy. His %or#s& %hispere# %hile %e %ere ma"ing lo'eon!e& e!ho in my hea#. Am I.

/h& 3hristian& I hope so. I glan!e o'er at Fate. She loo"s bea tif l& b t then she al%ays #oes. She an#Elliot are less li'ely. He seems ner'o s& his =o"es a little too lo #& an# his la gh alittle off. Ha'e they ha# a fight. -hat$s eating him. Is it that %oman. My heartsin"s at the tho ght that he might h rt my best frien#. I glan!e at the entran!e&half e9pe!ting to see 0ia !almly sa nter her %ell<groome# ass a!ross the resta r<ant to s. My min# is playing tri!"s& I s spe!t it$s the amo nt of al!ohol I$'e ha#.My hea# is beginning to a!he. Abr ptly& Elliot startles s all by stan#ing an# p lling his !hair ba!" so its!rapes a!ross the tile floor. All eyes t rn to him. He ga)es #o%n at Fate for onemoment then #rops to one "nee besi#e her. /h. My. 0o#. He rea!hes for her han#& an# silen!e settles li"e a blan"et o'er the entire res<ta rant as e'eryone stops eating& stops tal"ing& stops %al"ing& an# stares. 2My bea tif l Fate& I lo'e yo . 5o r gra!e& yo r bea ty& an# yo r fiery spiritha'e no eB al& an# yo ha'e !apt re# my heart. Spen# yo r life %ith me. Marryme.4 Holy shit! A*0. (he attention of the entire resta rant is traine# on Fate an# Elliot& %aiting %ithbate# breath as one. (he anti!ipation is nbearable. Silen!e stret!hes li"e a ta tr bber ban#. (he atmosphere is oppressi'e& apprehensi'e& an# yet hopef l. Fate stares blan"ly at Elliot as he ga)es p at her& his eyes %i#e %ith long<ing;fear e'en. Holy !rap& Fate! 6 t him o t of his misery. 6lease. Dee);he!o l# ha'e as"e# her pri'ately. A single tear tri!"les #o%n her !hee" tho gh she remains e9pressionless.Shit! Fate !rying. (hen she smiles& a slo% #isbelie'ing I$'e<fo n#<1ir'ana smile. A*,. A*4+55, 25es&4 she %hispers& a breathy& s%eet a!!eptan!e;not Fate< li"e at all. Forone nanose!on# there$s a pa se as the entire resta rant e9hales a !olle!ti'e sigh ofrelief& an# then the noise is #eafening. Spontaneo s appla se& !heering& !at!alls&%hooping& an# s ##enly I ha'e tears rolling #o%n my fa!e& sm #ging my >arbie<meets<Doan<Dett ma"e p. /bli'io s to the !ommotion aro n# them& the t%o are lo!"e# in their o%nlittle %orl#. From his po!"et Elliot pro# !es a small bo9& opens it& an# presents itto Fate. A ring. An# from %hat I !an see& an e9B isite ring& b t I nee# a !loserloo". Is that %hat he %as #oing %ith 0ia. 3hoosing a ring. Shit! /h& I$m so gla# I#i#n$t tell Fate. Fate loo"s from the ring to Elliot then thro%s her arms aro n# his ne!". (hey"iss& remar"ably !haste for them& an# the !ro%# goes %il#. Elliot stan#s an# a!<"no%le#ges the approbation %ith a s rprisingly gra!ef l bo% then& %earing ah ge self<satisfie# grin& sits ba!" #o%n. I !an$t ta"e my eyes off them. (a"ing thering o t of its bo9& Elliot gently sli#es it onto Fate$s finger& an# they "iss on!emore. 3hristian sB ee)es my han#. I #i#n$t reali)e I$# been gripping his so tightly. Irelease him& a little embarrasse#& an# he sha"es his han#& mo thing& 2/%.4 2Sorry. Di# yo "no% abo t this.4 I %hisper. 3hristian smiles& an# I "no% that he #i#. He s mmons the %aiter. 2(%obottles of the 3ristal please. (he A00A if yo ha'e it.4 I smir" at him. 2-hat.4 he as"s. 2>e!a se the A00A is so m !h better than the A00E&4 I tease. He la ghs. 2(o the #is!erning palate& Anastasia.4 25o ha'e a 'ery #is!erning palate& Mr. 0rey& an# sing lar tastes.4 I smile. 2(hat I #o& Mrs. 0rey.4 He leans in !lose. 25o taste best&4 he %hispers&

an#he "isses a !ertain spot behin# my ear& sen#ing little shi'ers #o%n my spine. Ibl sh s!arlet an# fon#ly remember his earlier #emonstration of the B ite literalshort!omings of my #ress. Mia is the first p to h g Fate an# Elliot& an# %e all ta"e t rns !ongrat latingthe happy !o ple. I !l t!h Fate in a fier!e h g. 2See. He %as = st %orrie# abo t his proposal&4 I %hisper. 2/h& Ana.4 She giggle<sobs. 2Fate& I am so happy for yo . 3ongrat lations.4 A*A. A*5+55, 3hristian is behin# me. He sha"es Elliot$s han#& then; s rprising both Elliotan# me;p lls him into a h g. I !an only = st !at!h %hat he says. 2-ay to go& @elliot&4 he m rm rs. Elliot says nothing& for on!e st nne# intosilen!e& then !a tio sly ret rns his brother$s h g. @elliot. 2(han"s& 3hristian&4 Elliot !ho"es o t. 3hristian gi'es Fate a brief& if a%"%ar#& almost arm$s<length h g. I "no%that 3hristian$s attit #e to Fate is tolerant& at best& an# ambi'alent most of thetime& so this is progress. Releasing her& he says so B ietly only she an# I !an hear&2I hope yo are as happy in yo r marriage as I am in mine.4 2(han" yo & 3hristian. I hope so& too&4 she says gra!io sly. (he %aiter has ret rne# %ith the !hampagne& %hi!h he pro!ee#s to open %ithan n#erstate# flo rish. 3hristian hol#s his !hampagne fl te aloft. 2(o Fate an# my #ear brother& Elliot; !ongrat lations.4 -e all sip& %ell& I gl g. Hmm& 3ristal tastes so goo#& an# I$m remin#e# of thefirst time I #ran" it at 3hristian$s !l b an# later& o r e'entf l ele'ator =o rney tothe first floor. 3hristian fro%ns at me. 2-hat are yo thin"ing abo t.4 he %hispers. 2(he first time I #ran" this !hampagne.4 His fro%n be!omes more B i))i!al. 2-e %ere at yo r !l b.4 I prompt. He grins. 2/h yes. I remember.4 He %in"s at me. 2Elliot& ha'e yo set a #ate.4 Mia pipes p. Elliot gi'es his sister an e9asperate# stare. 2I$'e only = st as"e# Fate& so%e$ll get ba!" to yo on that& $"ay.4 2/h& ma"e it a 3hristmas %e##ing. (hat %o l# be so romanti!& an# yo $#ha'e no tro ble remembering yo r anni'ersary.4 Mia !laps her han#s. 2I$ll ta"e that n#er a#'isement.4 Elliot smir"s at her. 2After the !hampagne& !an %e please go !l bbing.4 Mia t rns an# gi'es3hristian her biggest& bro%n<eye# loo". 2I thin" %e sho l# as" Elliot an# Fate %hat they$# li"e to #o.4 As one& %e t rn e9pe!tantly to them. Elliot shr gs an# Fate t rns p !e. Her!arnal intent to%ar# her fian!G is so !lear I nearly spit fo r<h n#re#<#ollar !ham<pagne all o'er the table. A*E. A*7+55,Ka9 is the most e9!l si'e night!l b in Aspen;or so says Mia. 3hristian strolls tothe front of the short line %ith his arm %rappe# aro n# my %aist an# is imme#i<ately grante# a!!ess. I %on#er briefly if he o%ns the pla!e. I glan!e at my%at!h;ele'en thirty in the e'ening& an# I$m feeling f ))y. (he t%o glasses of!hampagne an# se'eral glasses of 6o illy<F mG # ring o r meal are starting toha'e an effe!t& an# I$m gratef l 3hristian has his arm aro n# me. 2Mr. 0rey& %el!ome ba!"&4 says a 'ery attra!ti'e& leggy blon#e in bla!" sat<in& hot pants& mat!hing slee'eless shirt& an# a little re# bo%tie. She smiles broa#ly&re'ealing perfe!t all<Ameri!an teeth bet%een s!arlet lips that mat!h her bo%tie.2Ma9 %ill ta"e yo r !oat.4 A yo ng man #resse# entirely in bla!"& fort nately not satin& smiles as he of<fers to ta"e my !oat. His #ar" eyes are %arm an# in'iting. I am the only one %ear<ing a !oat ;3hristian insiste# I ta"e Mia$s tren!h !oat to !o'er my behin#;soMa9

only has to #eal %ith me. 21i!e !oat&4 he says& ga)ing at me intently. >esi#e me 3hristian bristles an# fi9es Ma9 %ith a ba!"<off<no% glare. Here##ens an# B i!"ly han#s 3hristian my !oat !he!" ti!"et. 2@et me sho% yo to yo r table.4 Miss Satin Hot 6ants fl tters her eyelashesat my h sban#& fli!"s her long blon# hair& an# sashays thro gh the entry%ay. Itighten my grip aro n# 3hristian& an# he ga)es #o%n at me B estioningly for amoment& then smir"s as %e follo% Miss Satin Hot 6ants into the bar. (he lighting is m te#& the %alls are bla!"& an# the f rnishings #eep re#.(here are booths flan"ing t%o si#es of the %alls an# a large ?<shape# bar in themi##le. It$s b sy& gi'en that %e$re here off<season& b t not too !ro%#e# %ith the%ell<heele# of Aspen o t for a goo# time on a Sat r#ay night. (he #ress !o#e isrela9e#& an# for the first time I feel a little o'er . . . m& n#er#resse#. I$m not s re%hi!h. (he floor an# %alls 'ibrate %ith the m si! p lsing from the #an!e floorbehin# the bar& an# lights are %hirling an# flashing on an# off. In my hea#y state&I i#ly thin" it$s an epilepti!$s nightmare. Satin Hot 6ants lea#s s to a !orner booth that$s been rope# off. It$s near thebar %ith a!!ess to the #an!e floor. 3learly the best seats in the ho se. 2(here$ll be someone along to ta"e yo r or#er shortly.4 She gi'es s her f llmega%att smile an#& %ith a final fl tter of eyelashes at my h sban#& sashays ba!"from %here she !ame. Mia is alrea#y =igging from foot to foot& it!hing to get ontothe #an!e floor& an# Ethan ta"es pity on her. A*4. A*:+55, 23hampagne.4 3hristian as"s as they hea# off hol#ing han#s to%ar# the#an!e floor. Ethan gi'es him a th mbs< p an# Mia no#s enth siasti!ally. Fate an# Elliot sit ba!" on the soft 'el'et seating& han# in han#. (hey loo" sohappy& their feat res soft an# ra#iant in the glo% from the tea lights fli!"ering in!rystal hol#ers on the lo% table. 3hristian gest res for me to sit& an# I s!oot in be<si#e Fate. He ta"es a seat besi#e me an# an9io sly s!ans the room. 2Sho% me yo r ring.4 I raise my 'oi!e o'er the m si!. I %ill be hoarse by thetime %e lea'e. Fate beams at me an# hol#s p her han#. (he ring is e9B isite& asingle solitaire in a fine elaborate !la% %ith tiny #iamon#s on either si#e. It has aretro Ci!torian loo" to it. 2It$s bea tif l.4 She no#s in #elight an#& rea!hing o'er& sB ee)es Elliot$s thigh. He leans#o%n an# "isses her. 20et a room&4 I !all o t. Elliot grins. A yo ng %oman %ith short #ar" hair an# a mis!hie'o s smile& %earing reg <lation& bla!" satin& hot pants& !omes to ta"e o r or#er. 2-hat #o yo %ant to #rin".4 3hristian as"s. 25o $re not pi!"ing p the tab for this& too&4 Elliot gr mbles. 2Don$t start that shit& Elliot&4 3hristian says mil#ly. Despite the ob=e!tions of Fate& Elliot an# Ethan& 3hristian has pai# for themeal %e = st !ons me#. He simply %a'e# them asi#e an# %o l# not hear of any<one else paying. I ga)e at him lo'ingly. My Fifty Sha#es . . . al%ays in !ontrol. Elliot opens his mo th to say something b t& %isely perhaps& !loses it again. 2I$ll ha'e a beer&4 he says. 2Fate.4 3hristian as"s. 2More !hampagne& please. (he 3ristal is #eli!io s. > t I$m s re Ethan %o l#prefer a beer.4 She smiles s%eetly;yes& s%eetly; at 3hristian. She is in!an#es<!ent %ith happiness. I feel it ra#iating off her& an# it$s a pleas re to bas" in her=oy. 2Ana.4 23hampagne& please.4 2>ottle of 3ristal& three 6eronis& an# a bottle of i!e# mineral %ater& si9glasses&4 he says in his s al a thoritati'e& no<nonsense manner. It$s "in#a hot.

A*5. A**+55, 2(han" yo & sir. 3oming right p.4 Miss Hot 6ants 1 mber (%o gi'es him agra!io s smile& b t he$s spare# the fl ttering of eyelashes tho gh her !hee"s re#<#en a little. I sha"e my hea# in resignation. He$s mine& girlfrien#. 2-hat.4 he as"s me. 2She #i#n$t fl tter her eyelashes at yo .4 I smir". 2/h. -as she s ppose# to.4 he as"s& failing to hi#e his mirth. 2-omen s ally #o.4 My tone is ironi!. He grins. 2Mrs. 0rey& are yo =ealo s.4 21ot in the slightest.4 I po t at him. An# I reali)e in that moment that I ambeginning to tolerate %omen ogling my h sban#. Almost. 3hristian !lasps myhan# an# "isses my "n !"les. 25o ha'e nothing to be =ealo s of& Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs !lose to my ear&his breath ti!"ling me. 2I "no%.4 20oo#.4 (he %aitress ret rns& an# moments later I$m sipping another glass of!hampagne. 2Here.4 3hristian han#s me a glass of %ater. 2Drin" this.4 I fro%n at him an# see& rather than hear& his sigh. 2(hree glasses of %hite %ine at #inner an# t%o of !hampagne& after a stra%<berry #aiB iri an# t%o glasses of Fras!ati at l n!htime. Drin". 1o%& Ana.4 Ho% #oes he "no% abo t the !o!"tails this afternoon. I s!o%l at him. > t a!<t ally he #oes ha'e a point. (a"ing the glass of %ater& I #o%n it in a most nla#y<li"e manner to register my protest at being tol# %hat to #o . . . again. I %ipe myhan# a!ross the ba!" of my mo th. 20oo# girl&4 he says& smir"ing. 25o $'e 'omite# on me on!e alrea#y. I #on$t%ish to e9perien!e that again in a h rry.4 2I #on$t "no% %hat yo $re !omplaining abo t. 5o got to sleep %ith me.4 He smiles an# his eyes soften. 25eah& I #i#.4 Ethan an# Mia are ba!". 2Ethan$s ha# eno gh& for no%. 3ome on& girls. @et$s hit the floor. Stri"e apose& thro% some shapes& %or" off the !alories from the !ho!olate mo sse.4 Fate stan#s imme#iately. 23oming.4 she as"s Elliot. A*7. A*8+55, 2@et me %at!h yo &4 he says. An# I ha'e to loo" a%ay B i!"ly& bl shing atthe loo" he gi'es her. She grins as I stan#. 2I$m going to b rn some !alories&4 I say& an# leaning #o%n I %hisper in3hristian$s ear& 25o !an %at!h me.4 2Don$t ben# o'er&4 he gro%ls. 2/"ay.4 I stan# abr ptly. -hoa! Hea# r sh& an# I !l t!h 3hristian$s sho l#eras the room shifts an# tilts a little. 26erhaps yo sho l# ha'e some more %ater&4 3hristian m rm rs& a %arning!lear in his 'oi!e. 2I$m fine. (hese seats are lo% an# my heels are high.4 Fate ta"es my han#& an# ta"ing a #eep breath I follo% her an# Mia& perfe!tlypoise#& onto the #an!e floor. (he m si! is p lsing& a te!hno beat %ith a th mping bass line. (he #an!efloor isn$t !ro%#e#& %hi!h means %e ha'e some spa!e. (he mi9 is e!le!t<i!;yo ng an# ol# ali"e #an!ing the night a%ay. I ha'e ne'er been a goo# #an!er.In fa!t& it$s only sin!e I$'e been %ith 3hristian that I #an!e at all. Fate h gs me. 2I$m so happy&4 she sho ts o'er the m si!& an# she starts to #an!e. Mia is #o<ing %hat Mia #oes& grinning at the pair of s& thro%ing herself aro n#. Dee)& she$sta"ing p a lot of room on the #an!e floor. I glan!e ba!" to%ar# the table. / rmen are %at!hing s. I start to mo'e. It$s a p lsing rhythm. I !lose my eyes an#s rren#er to it. I open my eyes to fin# the #an!e floor filling p. Fate& Mia an# I are for!e#!loser together. An# to my s rprise I fin# I$m a!t ally en=oying myself. I begin tomo'e a little more . . . bra'ely. Fate gi'es me t%o th mbs p& an# I beam ba!" ather. I !lose my eyes. -hy #i# I spen# the first t%enty years of my life not #oingthis. I !hose rea#ing o'er #an!ing.

Dane A sten #i#n$t ha'e great m si! to mo'eto an# (homas Har#y . . . =ee)& he$# ha'e felt g ilty as sin that he %asn$t #an!ing%ith his first %ife. I giggle at the tho ght. It$s 3hristian. He has gi'en me this !onfi#en!e in my bo#y an# ho% I !anmo'e it. S ##enly& there are t%o han#s on my hips. I grin. 3hristian has =oine# me. I%iggle& an# his han#s mo'e to my behin# an# sB ee)e& then ba!" to my hips. I open my eyes. An# Mia is gaping at me in horror. Shit . . . Am I that ba#. Irea!h #o%n to hol# 3hristian$s han#s. (hey$re hairy. F !"! (hey$re not his. I A*:. A80+55,%hirl aro n#& an# to%ering o'er me is a blon# giant %ith more teeth than is nat r<al an# a leering smile to sho%!ase them. 20et yo r han#s off me!4 I s!ream o'er the po n#ing m si!& apople!ti! %ithrage. 23ome on& s gar& it$s = st some f n.4 He smiles& hol#ing his apeli"e han#s p& his bl e eyes gleaming n#er the p lsing ltra'iolet lights. >efore I "no% %hat I$m #oing& I slap him har# a!ross the fa!e. /%! Shit . . . my han#. It stings. 20et a%ay from me!4 I sho t. He ga)es #o%nat me& ! pping his re# !hee". I thr st my nin= re# han# in front of his fa!e&sprea#ing my fingers to sho% him my rings. 2I$m marrie#& yo asshole!4 He shr gs rather arrogantly an# gi'es me a halfhearte#& apologeti! smile. I glan!e aro n# franti!ally. Mia is at my right& glaring at >lon# 0iant. Fate islost in the moment #oing her thing. 3hristian is not at the table. /h& I hope he$sgone to the restroom. I step ba!" into a front I "no% %ell. /h shit. 3hristian p tshis arm aro n# my %aist an# mo'es me to his si#e. 2Feep yo r f !"ing han#s off my %ife&4 he says. He$s not sho ting& b tsomeho% he !an be hear# o'er the m si!. Holy shit! 2She !an ta"e !are of herself&4 >lon# 0iant sho ts. His han# mo'es from his!hee" %here I$'e slappe# him& an# 3hristian hits him. It$s li"e I$m %at!hing it inslo% motion. A perfe!tly time# p n!h to the !hin that mo'es at s !h spee#& b t%ith so little %aste# energy& >lon# 0iant #oesn$t see it !oming. He !r mples tothe floor li"e the s! mbag he is. F !". 23hristian& no!4 I gasp in pani!& stan#ing in front of him to hol# him ba!".Shit& he$ll "ill him. 2I alrea#y hit him&4 I sho t o'er the m si!. 3hristian #oesn$tloo" at me. He$s glaring at my assailant %ith a male'olen!e I$'e not seen beforeflaring in his eyes. -ell& maybe on!e before after Da!" Hy#e ma#e a pass at me. (he other #an!ers mo'e o t%ar# li"e a ripple in a pon#& !learing spa!earo n# s& "eeping a safe #istan!e. >lon# 0iant s!rambles to his feet as Elliot=oins s. /h no! Fate is %ith me& gaping at all of s. Elliot grasps 3hristian$s arm asEthan appears& too. A**. A8,+55, 2(a"e it easy& o"ay. Di#n$t mean any harm.4 >lon# 0iant hol#s his han#s pin #efeat& beating a hasty retreat. 3hristian$s eyes follo% him off the #an!e floor.He #oes not loo" at me. (he song !hanges from the e9pli!it lyri!s of 2Se9y >it!h4 to a p lsing te!hno#an!e n mber %here a %oman sings %ith an impassione# 'oi!e. Elliot loo"s #o%nat me& then a!ross at 3hristian& an# releasing 3hristian& p lls Fate into a #an!e. Ip t my arms aro n# 3hristian$s ne!" ntil he finally ma"es eye !onta!t& his eyesstill bla)ing;primal an# feral. A glimpse of a bra%ling a#oles!ent. Holy shit. He s!r tini)es my fa!e. 2Are yo o"ay.4 he as"s finally. 25es.4 I r b my palm& trying to #ispel the sting& an# bring my han#s #o%n tohis !hest. My han# is

throbbing. I ha'e ne'er slappe# anyone before. -hat pos<sesse# me. (o !hing me %asn$t the %orst !rime against h manity. -as it. 5et #eep #o%n I "no% %hy I hit him. It$s be!a se I instin!ti'ely "ne% ho%3hristian %o l# rea!t seeing some stranger pa%ing me. I "ne% he$# lose hispre!io s self<!ontrol. An# the tho ght that some st pi# nobo#y !o l# #erail myh sban#& my lo'e& %ell& it ma"es me ma#. Really ma#. 2Do yo %ant to sit #o%n.4 3hristian as"s o'er the p lsing beat. /h& !ome ba!" to me& please. 21o. Dan!e %ith me.4 He loo"s at me impassi'ely& saying nothing. (o !h me . . . the %oman sings. 2Dan!e %ith me.4 He$s still ma#. 2Dan!e. 3hristian& please.4 I ta"e his han#s.3hristian glares after the g y& b t I start to mo'e against him& %ea'ing myselfaro n# him. (he throng of #an!ers has !ir!le# s on!e more& altho gh there$s no% a t%o<foot e9!l sion )one aro n# s. 25o hit him.4 3hristian as"s& stan#ing sto!"<still. I ta"e his fiste# han#s. 2/f !o rse I #i#. I tho ght it %as yo & b t his han#s %ere hairier. 6lease#an!e %ith me.4 As 3hristian ga)es at me& the fire in his eyes slo%ly !hanges& e'ol'es intosomething else& something #ar"er& something hotter. S ##enly& he grabs my %ristsan# p lls me fl sh against him& pinning my han#s behin# my ba!". 25o %anna #an!e. @et$s #an!e&4 he gro%ls !lose to my ear& an# as he rollshis hips aro n# into me& I !an #o nothing b t follo%& his han#s hol#ing mineagainst my ba!"si#e. A*8. A8A+55, /h . . . 3hristian !an mo'e& really mo'e. He "eeps me !lose& not letting mego& b t his han#s gra# ally rela9 on mine& freeing me. My han#s !reep aro n#& phis arms& feeling his b n!he# m s!les thro gh his =a!"et& p to his sho l#ers. Hepresses me against him& an# I follo% his mo'es as he slo%ly& sens ally #an!es%ith me in time to the p lsing beat of the !l b m si!. (he moment he grabs my han# an# spins me first one %ay& then the other& I"no% he$s ba!" %ith me. I grin. He grins. -e #an!e together an# it$s liberating;f n. His anger forgotten& or s p<presse#& he %hirls me aro n# %ith !ons mmate s"ill in o r small spa!e on the#an!e floor& ne'er letting go. He ma"es me gra!ef l& that$s his s"ill. He ma"es mese9y& be!a se that$s %hat he is. He ma"es me feel lo'e#& be!a se in spite of hisfifty sha#es& he has a %ealth of lo'e to gi'e. -at!hing him no%& en=oying him<self . . . one !o l# be forgi'en for thin"ing he #oesn$t ha'e a !are in the %orl#.> t I "no% his lo'e is !lo #e# %ith iss es of o'erprote!ti'eness an# !ontrol& b tit #oesn$t ma"e me lo'e him any less. I am breathless %hen the song morphs to another. 23an %e sit.4 I gasp. 2S re.4 He lea#s me off the #an!e floor. 25o $'e ma#e me rather hot an# s%eaty&4 I %hisper as %e ret rn to the table. He p lls me into his arms. 2I li"e yo hot an# s%eaty. (ho gh I prefer toma"e yo hot an# s%eaty in pri'ate&4 he p rrs& an# a las!i'io s smile t gs at hislips. As I sit& it$s as if the in!i#ent on the #an!e floor ne'er happene#. I$m 'ag elys rprise# %e ha'en$t been thro%n o t. I glan!e aro n# the bar. 1o one is loo"ingat s& an# I !an$t see >lon# 0iant. Maybe he left& or maybe he$s been thro%n o t.Fate an# Elliot are being in#e!ent on the #an!e floor& Ethan an# Mia less so. Ita"e another sip of !hampagne. 2Here.4 3hristian p ts another glass of %ater before me an# regar#s me in<tently. His e9pression is e9pe!tant;#rin" it. Drin" it no%. I #o as I$m tol#. >esi#es& I$m thirsty. He lifts a bottle of 6eroni from the i!e b !"et on the table an# ta"es a

long#rin". 2-hat if there ha# been press here.4 I as". 3hristian "no%s imme#iately that I$m referring to him "no!"ing >lon# 0ianton his ass. A80. A8E+55, 2I ha'e e9pensi'e la%yers&4 he says !oolly& all at on!e arrogan!e personifie#. I fro%n at him. 2> t yo $re not abo'e the la%& 3hristian. I #i# ha'e the sit <ation n#er !ontrol.4 His eyes frost. 21o one to !hes %hat$s mine&4 he says %ith !hilling finality&as if I$m missing the ob'io s. /h . . . I ta"e another sip of my !hampagne. All of a s ##en I feel o'er<%helme#. (he m si! is lo #& po n#ing& my hea# an# feet are a!hing& an# I feel%oo)y.He grasps my han#. 23ome& let$s go. I %ant to get yo home&4 he says.Fate an# Elliot =oin s. 25o going.4 Fate as"s an# her 'oi!e is hopef l. 25es&4 3hristian says. 20oo#& %e$ll !ome %ith yo .4As %e %ait at the !oat !he!" for 3hristian to retrie'e my tren!h !oat& Fate B i))esme. 2-hat happene# %ith that g y on the #an!e floor.4 2He %as feeling me p.4 2I opene# my eyes an# yo $# hit him.4 I shr g. 2-ell& I "ne% 3hristian %o l# go thermon !lear& an# that !o l# po<tentially r in yo r e'ening.4 I ha'en$t really pro!esse# ho% I feel abo t 3hristi<an$s beha'ior. I %as %orrie# that it %o l# be %orse. 2/ r e'ening&4 she !larifies. 2He is rather hot<hea#e#& isn$t he.4 Fate a##s#ryly& staring at 3hristian as he !olle!ts my !oat. I snort an# smile. 25o !o l# say that.4 2I thin" yo han#le him %ell.4 2Han#le.4 I fro%n. Do I han#le 3hristian. 2Here.4 3hristian hol#s my !oat open for me so that I !an p t it on.2-a"e p& Ana.4 3hristian is sha"ing me gently. -e$'e arri'e# ba!" at the ho se.Rel !tantly I open my eyes an# stagger from the mini'an. Fate an# Elliot ha'e#isappeare#& an# (aylor is stan#ing patiently besi#e the 'ehi!le. A8,. A84+55, 2Do I nee# to !arry yo .4 3hristian as"s. I sha"e my hea#. 2I$ll fet!h Miss 0rey an# Mr. Fa'anagh&4 (aylor says. 3hristian no#s then lea#s me to the front #oor. My feet are throbbing& an# Ist mble after him. At the front #oor he ben#s #o%n& grasps my an"le& an# gentlypries off first one shoe& then the other. /h& the relief. He straightens an# ga)es#o%n at me& hol#ing my Manolos. 2>etter.4 he as"s& am se#. I no#. 2I ha# #elightf l 'isions of these aro n# my ears&4 he m rm rs& staring #o%n%istf lly at my shoes. He sha"es his hea# an#& ta"ing my han# on!e more& lea#sme thro gh the #ar"ene# ho se& an# p the stairs to o r be#room. 25o $re %re!"e#& aren$t yo .4 he says softly& staring #o%n at me. I no#. He starts to nb !"le the belt on my tren!h !oat. 2I$ll #o it&4 I m tter& ma"ing a halfhearte# attempt to br sh him off. 2@et me.4 I sigh. I ha# no i#ea I %as this tire#. 2It$s the altit #e. 5o $re not se# to it. An# the #rin"ing& of !o rse.4 Hesmir"s& #i'ests me of my !oat& an# thro%s it on one of the be#room !hairs. (a"ingmy han#& he lea#s me into the bathroom. -hy are %e going in here. 2Sit&4 he says. I sit on the !hair an# !lose my eyes. I hear him as he messes aro n# %ithbottles on the 'anity nit. I am too tire# to open my eyes to fin# o t %hat he$s #o<ing. A moment later he tips my hea# ba!"& an# I open my eyes in s rprise. 2Eyes !lose#&4 3hristian says. Holy !rap& he$s hol#ing a !otton ball! 0ently&he %ipes it o'er my right eye. I sit st nne# as he metho#i!ally remo'es myma"e p. 2Ah. (here$s the %oman I marrie#&4 he says after a fe% %ipes. 25o #on$t li"e ma"e p.4 2I li"e it %ell eno gh& b t I prefer %hat$s

beneath it.4 He "isses my forehea#.2Here. (a"e these.4 He p ts some A#'il into my palm an# han#s me a glass of%ater. I loo" an# po t. 2(a"e them&4 he or#ers. I roll my eyes& b t #o as I$m tol#. A8A. A85+55, 20oo#. Do yo nee# a pri'ate moment.4 he as"s sar#oni!ally. I snort. 2So !oy& Mr. 0rey. 5es& I nee# to pee.4 He la ghs. 25o e9pe!t me to lea'e.4 I giggle. 25o %ant to stay.4 He !o!"s his hea# to one si#e& his e9pression am se#. 25o are one "in"y son of a bit!h. / t. I #on$t %ant yo to %at!h me pee.(hat$s a step too far.4 I stan# an# %a'e him o t of the bathroom.-hen I emerge from the bathroom& he$s !hange# into his pa=ama bottoms.Hmm . . . 3hristian in 6Ds. Mesmeri)e#& I ga)e at his ab#omen& his m s!les& hishappy trail. It$s #istra!ting. He stri#es o'er to me. 2En=oying the 'ie%.4 he as"s %ryly. 2Al%ays.4 2I thin" yo $re slightly #r n"& Mrs. 0rey.4 2I thin"& for on!e& I ha'e to agree %ith yo & Mr. 0rey.4 2@et me help yo o t of %hat little there is of this #ress. It really sho l# !ome%ith a health %arning.4 He t rns me aro n# an# n#oes the single b tton at thene!". 25o %ere so ma#&4 I m rm r. 25es. I %as.4 2At me.4 21o. 1ot at yo .4 He "isses my sho l#er. 2For on!e.4 I smile. 1ot ma# at me. (his is progress. 2Ma"es a ni!e !hange.4 25es. It #oes.4 He "isses my other sho l#er then t gs my #ress #o%n o'ermy ba!"si#e an# onto the floor. He remo'es my panties at the same time& lea'ingme na"e#. Rea!hing p& he ta"es my han#. 2Step&4 he !omman#s& an# I step o t of the #ress& hol#ing his han# forbalan!e. He stan#s an# tosses my #ress an# panties onto the !hair %ith Mia$s tren!h!oat. 2Arms p&4 he says softly. He slips his (<shirt o'er me an# p lls it #o%n&!o'ering me p. I am rea#y for be#. He p lls me into his arms an# "isses me& my minty breath mingling %ith his. A8E. A87+55, 2As m !h as I$# lo'e to b ry myself in yo & Mrs. 0rey;yo $'e ha# toom !h to #rin"& yo $re at nearly eight tho san# feet& an# yo #i#n$t sleep %ell lastnight. 3ome. 0et into be#.4 He p lls ba!" the # 'et an# I !limb in. He !o'ers me p an# "isses my forehea# on!e more. 23lose yo r eyes. -hen I !ome ba!" to be#& I$ll e9pe!t yo to be asleep.4 It$sa threat& a !omman# . . . it$s 3hristian. 2Don$t go&4 I plea#. 2I ha'e some !alls to ma"e& Ana.4 2It$s Sat r#ay. It$s late. 6lease.4 He r ns his han#s thro gh his hair. 2Ana& if I !ome to be# %ith yo no%& yo %on$t get any rest. Sleep.4 He$s a#amant. I !lose my eyes an# his lips br sh myforehea# on!e more. 20oo#night& baby&4 he breathes. Images of the #ay flash thro gh my min# . . . 3hristian ha ling me o'er hissho l#er in the plane. His an9iety as to %hether or not I$# li"e the ho se. Ma"inglo'e this afternoon. (he bath. His rea!tion to my #ress. De!"ing >lon# 0i<ant;my palm tingles at the memory. An# then 3hristian p tting me to be#. -ho %o l# ha'e tho ght. I grin %i#ely& the %or# progress r nning aro n#my brain as I #rift. A84. I am too %arm. 3hristian %arm. His hea# is on my sho l#er& an# he$s breathingsoftly on my ne!" %hile he sleeps& his legs threa#e# thro gh mine& his arm aro n#my %aist. I linger on the e#ge of !ons!io sness& a%are that if I %a"e f lly I$ll%a"e him& too& an# he #oesn$t sleep eno gh. Ha)ily my min# %an#ers thro gh thee'ents of yester#ay e'ening. I #ran" too m !h;boy #i#

I #rin" too m !h. I$mama)e# 3hristian let me. I smile as I remember him p tting me to be#. (hat %ass%eet& real s%eet& an# ne9pe!te#. I !on# !t a B i!" mental in'entory of ho% I$mfeeling. Stoma!h. Fine. Hea#. S rprisingly& fine& b t f ))y. My palm is still re# A85. A8*+55,from last night. Sheesh. I#ly I thin" abo t 3hristian$s palms %hen he$s span"e#me. I sB irm an# he %a"es. 2-hat$s %rong.4 Sleepy gray eyes sear!h mine. 21othing. 0oo# morning.4 I r n the fingers of my nin= re# han# thro gh hishair. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo loo" lo'ely this morning&4 he says& "issing my !hee"& an# Ilight p from %ithin. 2(han" yo for ta"ing !are of me last night.4 2I li"e ta"ing !are of yo . It$s %hat I %ant to #o&4 he says B ietly& b t hiseyes betray him as tri mph flares in their gray #epths. It$s li"e he$s %on the-orl# Series or the S per >o%l. /h& my Fifty. 25o ma"e me feel !herishe#.4 2(hat$s be!a se yo are&4 he m rm rs an# my heart !len!hes. He !lasps my han# an# I %in!e. He releases me imme#iately& alarme#. 2(hep n!h.4 he as"s. His eyes frost as he s!r tini)es mine& an# his 'oi!e is la!e# %iths ##en anger. 2I slappe# him. I #i#n$t p n!h him.4 2(hat f !"er!4 I tho ght %e$# #ealt %ith this last night. 2I !an$t bear that he to !he# yo .4 2He #i#n$t h rt me& he %as = st inappropriate. 3hristian& I$m o"ay. Myhan#$s a little re#& that$s all. S rely yo "no% %hat that$s li"e.4 I smir"& an# hise9pression !hanges to one of am se# s rprise. 2-hy& Mrs. 0rey& I am 'ery familiar %ith that.4 His lips t%ist in am sement.2I !o l# rea!B aint myself %ith that feeling this min te& sho l# yo so %ish.4 2/h& sto% yo r t%it!hing palm& Mr. 0rey.4 I stro"e his fa!e %ith my in= re#han#& my fingers !aressing his si#eb rn. 0ently I t g the little hairs. It #istra!tshim& an# he ta"es my han# an# plants a ten#er "iss in my palm. Mira! lo sly& thepain #isappears. 2-hy #i#n$t yo tell me this h rt last night.4 2?m . . . I #i#n$t really feel it last night. It$s o"ay no%.4 His eyes soften an# his mo th t%ists. 2Ho% are yo feeling.4 2>etter than I #eser'e.4 2(hat$s B ite a right arm yo ha'e there& Mrs. 0rey.4 A87. A88+55, 25o $# #o %ell to remember that& Mr. 0rey.4 2/h really.4 He rolls s ##enly so that he$s f lly on top of me& pressing meinto the mattress& hol#ing my %rists abo'e my hea#. He ga)es #o%n at me. 2I$# fight yo any #ay& Mrs. 0rey. In fa!t& s b# ing yo in be# is a fantasy ofmine.4 He "isses my throat. -hat. 2I tho ght yo s b# e# me all the time.4 I gasp as he nibbles my earlobe. 2Hmm . . . b t I$# li"e some resistan!e&4 he m rm rs& his nose s"irting my=a%. Resistan!e. I still. He stops& releasing my han#s& an# leans p on his elbo%s. 25o %ant me to fight yo . Here.4 I %hisper& trying to !ontain my s rprise./"ay;my sho!". He no#s& his eyes hoo#e# b t %ary as he ga ges my rea!tion. 21o%.4 He shr gs& an# I see the i#ea flit thro gh his min#. He gi'es me his shy smilean# no#s again& slo%ly. /h my . . . He$s tense& lying on top of me& an# his gro%ing ere!tion is #iggingtantali)ingly into my soft& %illing flesh& #istra!ting me. -hat$s this abo t. >ra%l<ing. Fantasy. -ill he h rt me. My inner go##ess sha"es her hea#;1e'er. She$sgot her "arate s it on& an# she$s limbering p. 3la #e %o l# be please#. 2Is this %hat yo meant abo t !oming to be# angry.4 He no#s on!e more& his eyes still %ary. Hmm . . . my Fifty %ants to r mble. 2Don$t bite

yo r lip&4 he %arns. 3ompliantly& I release my lip. 2I thin" yo ha'e me at a #isa#'antage& Mr.0rey.4 I bat my lashes an# sB irm pro'o!ati'ely beneath him. (his !o l# be f n. 2Disa#'antage.4 2S rely yo $'e alrea#y got me %here yo %ant me.4 He smir"s an# presses his groin into mine on!e more. 20oo# point %ell ma#e& Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers an# B i!"ly "isses my lips.Abr ptly he shifts an# ta"es me %ith him& rolling o'er so I$m stra##ling him. Igrab his han#s& pinning them to the si#e of his hea#& an# ignore the protestinga!he from my han#. My hair falls in a !hestn t 'eil aro n# s& an# I mo'e myhea# so that the stran#s ti!"le his fa!e. He =er"s his fa!e a%ay b t #oesn$t try tostop me. 2So& yo %ant to play ro gh.4 I as"& s"imming my !rot!h o'er his. A8:. E00+55, His mo th opens an# he inhales sharply. 25es.4 He hisses& an# I release him. 2-ait.4 I rea!h o'er for the glass of %ater besi#e the be#. 3hristian m stha'e left it here. It$s !ool an# spar"ling;too !ool to ha'e been sitting here forlong;an# I %on#er %hen he !ame to be#. As I ta"e a long #ra ght& 3hristian trails his fingers in small !ir!les p mythighs& lea'ing tingling s"in in their %a"e before he ! ps an# sB ee)es my na"e#behin#. Hmm. (a"ing a leaf from his impressi'e repertoire& I lean for%ar# an# "iss him&po ring !lear !ool %ater into his mo th. He #rin"s. 2Cery tasty& Mrs. 0rey&4 he m rm rs& sporting a boyish an# play<f l grin. After pla!ing the glass ba!" on the be#si#e table& I remo'e his han#s from myba!"si#e an# pin them by his hea# on!e more. 2So I$m s ppose# to be n%illing.4 I smir". 25es.4 2I$m not m !h of an a!tress.4 He grins. 2(ry.4 I lean #o%n an# "iss him !hastely. 2/"ay& I$ll play&4 I %hisper& trailing myteeth along his =a%& feeling his pri!"ly st bble beneath my teeth an# my tong e. 3hristian ma"es a lo%& se9y so n# in his throat an# mo'es& tossing me ontothe be# besi#e him. I !ry o t in s rprise& then he$s on top of me& an# I start tostr ggle as he ma"es a grab for my han#s. Ro ghly& I pla!e my han#s on his !hest&p shing %ith all my might& trying to mo'e him& %hile he en#ea'ors to pry my legsapart %ith his "nee. I !ontin e p shing at his !hest ;Dee) he$s hea'y;b t he #oesn$t flin!h&#oesn$t free)e as he on!e might ha'e. He$s en=oying this! He attempts to grab my%rists& an# finally !apt res one& #espite my 'aliant attempts to t%ist it free. It$smy sore han#& so I s rren#er it to him& b t grab his hair %ith my other han# an#p ll har#. 2Ah!4 He yan"s his hea# free an# ga)es #o%n at me& his eyes %il# an#!arnal. 2Sa'age&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e la!e# %ith sala!io s #elight. In response to this one %hispere# %or#& my libi#o e9plo#es& an# I stop a!t<ing. Again I str ggle in 'ain to %rest my han# o t of his hol#. At the same time I A8*. E0,+55,try to hoo" my an"les together& an# attempt to b !" him off me. He$s too hea'y.0ah! It$s fr strating an# hot. -ith a groan& 3hristian !apt res my other han#. He hol#s both my %rists inhis left han#& an# his right tra'els leis rely;insolently& almost;#o%n my bo#y&fon#ling an# feeling as it goes& t%ea"ing my nipple on the %ay. I yelp in response& pleas re spi"ing short& sharp& an# hot from my nipple tomy groin. I ma"e another fr itless attempt to b !" him off& b t he$s = st too onme. -hen he tries to "iss me I =er" my hea# to the si#e so he !an$t. 6romptly hisinsolent

han# mo'es from the hem of my (<shirt p to my !hin& hol#ing me inpla!e as he r ns his teeth along my =a%& mirroring %hat I #i# to him earlier. 2/h& baby& fight me&4 he m rm rs. I t%ist an# %rithe& trying to free myself from his mer!iless hol#& b t it$shopeless. He$s m !h stronger than me. He$s gently biting at my lo%er lip as histong e tries to in'a#e my mo th. An# I reali)e I #on$t %ant to resist him. I %anthim;no%& li"e I al%ays #o. I stop fighting an# fer'ently ret rn his "iss. I #on$t!are that I ha'en$t br she# my teeth. I #on$t !are that %e$re s ppose# to be play<ing some game. Desire& hot an# har#& s rges thro gh my bloo#stream& an# I$mlost. ?nhoo"ing my an"les& I %rap my legs aro n# his hips an# se my heels top sh his pa=amas #o%n o'er his behin#. 2Ana&4 he breathes& an# he "isses me e'ery%here. An# %e$re no longer%restling& b t all han#s an# tong es an# to !h an# taste& B i!" an# rgent. 2S"in&4 he m rm rs hoarsely& his breathing labore#. He #rags me p an# t gsoff my (<shirt in one s%ift mo'e. 25o &4 I %hisper %hile I$m pright& be!a se it$s all I !an thin" of to say. Isei)e the front his pa=amas an# yan" them #o%n& freeing his ere!tion. I grab an#sB ee)e him. He$s har#. (he air %histles thro gh his teeth as he inhales sharply&an# I re'el in his response. 2F !"&4 he m rm rs. He leans ba!"& lifting my thighs& tipping me #o%n ontothe be# as I p ll an# sB ee)e him tightly& r nning my han# p an# #o%n him.Feeling a bea# of moist re on his tip& I s%irl it aro n# %ith my th mb. As helo%ers me to the mattress& I slip my th mb in my mo th to taste him %hile hishan#s tra'el p my bo#y& !aressing my hips& my stoma!h& my breasts. 2(aste goo#.4 he as"s as he ho'ers o'er me& eyes bla)ing. A88. E0A+55, 25es. Here.4 I p sh my th mb into his mo th& an# he s !"s an# bites the pa#.I groan& grasp his hea#& an# p ll him #o%n to me so I !an "iss him. -rapping mylegs aro n# him& I p sh his pa=amas off his legs %ith my feet& then !ra#le him%ith my legs aro n# his %aist. His lips trail from a!ross my =a% to my !hin& nip<ping softly. 25o $re so bea tif l.4 He #ips his hea# lo%er to the base of my throat. 2S !hbea tif l s"in.4 His breath is soft as his lips gli#e #o%n to my breasts. -hat. I am panting& !onf se#; %anting& no% %aiting. I tho ght this %as go<ing to be B i!". 23hristian.4 I hear the B iet plea in my 'oi!e an# rea!h #o%n& fisting myhan#s in his hair. 2H sh&4 he %hispers an# !ir!les my nipple %ith his tong e before p lling itinto his mo th an# t gging har#. 2Ah!4 I moan an# sB irm& tilting my pel'is p to tempt him. He grins againstmy s"in an# t rns his attention to my other breast. 2Impatient& Mrs. 0rey.4 He then s !"s har# on my nipple. I t g his hair. Hegroans an# peers p. 2I$ll restrain yo &4 he %arns. 2(a"e me&4 I beg. 2All in goo# time&4 he m rm rs against my s"in. His han# tra'els #o%n at aninf riatingly slo% spee# to my hip as he %orships my nipple %ith his mo th. Imoan lo #ly& my breath short an# shallo%& an# I try on!e more to enti!e him intome& ro!"ing against him. He$s thi!" an# hea'y an# !lose& b t he$s ta"ing his o%ns%eet leis rely time %ith me. F !" this. I str ggle an# t%ist& #etermine# to b !" him off me again. 2-hat the;4 0rabbing my han#s& 3hristian pins them #o%n on the be#& my arms sprea#%i#e& an# rests his f ll bo#y%eight on me& !ompletely s b# ing me. I am breath<less& %il#. 25o %ante# resistan!e&4 I say& panting. He rears p o'er me an# ga)es#o%n&

his han#s still lo!"e# aro n# my %rists. I pla!e my heels n#er his behin#an# p sh. He #oesn$t mo'e. 0ah! 25o #on$t %ant to play ni!e.4 he as"s astonishe#& his eyes alight %ithe9!itement. E00. E0E+55, 2I = st %ant yo to ma"e lo'e to me& 3hristian.4 3o l# he be any more ob<t se. First %e$re fighting an# %restling then he$s all ten#er an# s%eet. It$s !onf s<ing. I$m in be# %ith Mr. Mer! rial. 26lease.4 I press my heels against his ba!"si#e on!e more. > rning gray eyessear!h mine. /h& %hat is he thin"ing. He loo"s momentarily be%il#ere# an# !on<f se#. He releases my han#s an# sits ba!" on his heels& p lling me into his lap. 2/"ay& Mrs. 0rey& %e$ll #o this yo r %ay.4 He lifts me p an# slo%ly lo%ersme on to him so I$m stra##ling him. 2Ah!4 (his is it. (his is %hat I %ant. (his is %hat I nee#. 3 rling my armsaro n# his ne!"& I t%ist my fingers in his hair& glorying in the feeling of him in<si#e me. I start to mo'e. (a"ing !ontrol& ta"ing him at my pa!e& at my spee#. Hemoans& an# his lips fin# mine& an# %e$re lost.I trail my fingers thro gh the hair on 3hristian$s !hest. He lies on his ba!"& stillan# B iet besi#e me as %e both !at!h o r breath. His han# thr ms rhythmi!ally#o%n my ba!". 25o $re B iet&4 I %hisper an# "iss his sho l#er. He t rns an# loo"s at me& hise9pression gi'ing nothing a%ay. 2(hat %as f n.4 Shit& is something %rong. 25o !onfo n# me& Mrs. 0rey.4 23onfo n# yo .4 He shifts so that %e$re fa!e to fa!e. 25es. 5o . 3alling the shots. It$s . . .#ifferent.4 20oo# #ifferent or ba# #ifferent.4 I trail a finger o'er his lips. His bro% f r<ro%s& as if he #oesn$t B ite n#erstan# the B estion. Absentmin#e#ly& he "issesmy finger. 20oo# #ifferent&4 he says& b t he #oesn$t so n# !on'in!e#. 25o $'e ne'er in# lge# this little fantasy before.4 I bl sh as I say it. Do Ireally %ant to "no% any more abo t my h sban#$s !olorf l . . . m& "alei#os!opi!se9 life before me. My s b!ons!io s eyes me %arily o'er her tortoiseshell half<moon spe!s. Do yo really %ant to go there. 21o& Anastasia. 5o !an to !h me.4 It$s a simple e9planation that spea"s'ol mes. /f !o rse& the fifteen !o l#n$t. E0,. E04+55, 2Mrs. Robinson !o l# to !h yo .4 I m rm r the %or#s before my brain re<gisters %hat I$'e sai#. Shit. -hy #i# I mention her. He stills. His eyes %i#en %ith his oh<no<%here$s<she<going<%ith<this e9pres<sion. 2(hat %as #ifferent&4 he %hispers. S ##enly I %ant to "no%. 20oo# #ifferent or ba# #ifferent.4 He ga)es at me. Do bt an# possibly pain flit a!ross his fa!e& an# fleetingly heloo"s li"e a man #ro%ning. 2>a#& I thin".4 His %or#s are barely a #ible. Holy shit! 2I tho ght yo li"e# it.4 2I #i#. At the time.4 21ot no%.4 He ga)es at me& eyes %i#e& then slo%ly sha"es his hea#. /h my . . . 2/h& 3hristian.4 I$m o'er%helme# by the feelings that s%amp me.My lost boy. I la n!h myself at him an# "iss his fa!e& his throat& his !hest& hislittle ro n# s!ars. He groans& p lls me to him& an# "isses me passionately. An#'ery slo%ly& an# ten#erly& at his pa!e& he ma"es lo'e to me on!e more.2Ana (yson. 6 n!hing abo'e yo r %eight!4 Ethan appla #s as I hea# into the "it<!hen for brea"fast. He$s sitting %ith Mia& an# Fate at the brea"fast bar %hile Mrs. >entley !oo"s %affles. 3hristian is no%here to be seen. 20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey.4 Mrs. >entley smiles. 2-hat %o l# yo li"e forbrea"fast.4 20oo# Morning. -hate'er$s going& than" yo . -here$s

3hristian.4 2/ tsi#e.4 Fate gest res %ith her hea# to%ar# the ba!"yar#. I %an#er o'er tothe %in#o% that loo"s o t o'er the yar# an# the mo ntains beyon#. It$s a !lear&po%#er<bl e s mmer #ay& an# my bea tif l h sban# is abo t t%enty feet a%ay in#eep #is! ssion %ith some g y. 2(hat$s Mr. >entley he$s tal"ing to&4 !alls Mia from the brea"fast bar. I t rnto loo" at her& #istra!te# by her s l"y tone. She loo"s 'enomo sly at Ethan. /h E0A. E05+55,#ear. I %on#er on!e more %hat$s going on bet%een them. Fro%ning& I t rn my at<tention ba!" to my h sban# an# Mr. >entley. Mrs. >entley$s h sban# is fair<haire#& #ar" eye# an# %iry& #resse# in %or"pants an# an Aspen Fire Department (<shirt. 3hristian is #resse# in his bla!"=eans an# (<shirt. As the t%o men amble a!ross the la%n to%ar# the ho se lost intheir !on'ersation& 3hristian !as ally ben#s to pi!" p %hat loo"s li"e a bamboo!ane that m st ha'e been blo%n o'er or #is!ar#e# in the flo%erbe#. 6a sing&3hristian absentmin#e#ly hol#s o t the !ane at arm$s length as if %eighing it !are<f lly an# s%ipes it thro gh the air& = st on!e. /h . . . Mr. >entley appears to see nothing o## in his beha'ior. (hey !ontin e their#is! ssion& nearer to the ho se this time& then pa se on!e more& an# 3hristian re<peats the gest re. (he tip of the !ane hits the gro n#. 0lan!ing p& 3hristian seesme stan#ing at the %in#o%. S ##enly I feel as if I$m spying on him. He stops. Igi'e him an embarrasse# %a'e then t rn an# %al" ba!" to the brea"fast bar. 2-hat %ere yo #oing.4 as"s Fate. 2D st %at!hing 3hristian.4 25o ha'e got it ba#.4 She snorts. 2An# yo #on$t& oh soon<to<be sister<in<la%.4 I reply& grinning an# trying tob ry the #isB ieting 'is al of 3hristian %iel#ing a !ane. I am startle# %hen Fateleaps p an# h gs me. 2Sister!4 she e9!laims& an# it$s har# not to be s%ept p in her =oy.2Hey& sleepyhea#.4 3hristian %a"es me. 2-e$re abo t to lan#. > !"le p.4 E0E. E07+55,I f mble sleepily for my seat belt& b t 3hristian fastens it for me. He "isses myforehea# before settling ba!" into his seat. I lean my hea# on his sho l#er againan# !lose my eyes. An impossibly long hi"e an# a pi!ni! l n!h on top of a spe!ta! lar mo ntainha'e e9ha ste# me. (he rest of o r party is B iet& too;e'en Mia. She loo"s #es<pon#ent& as she has all #ay. I %on#er ho% her !ampaign %ith Ethan is going. I#on$t e'en "no% %here they slept last night. My eyes !at!h hers& an# I gi'e asmall are<yo <o"ay smile. She gi'es me a brief sa# smile in ret rn an# goes ba!"to her boo". I pee" p at 3hristian thro gh my lashes. He$s %or"ing on a !ontra!tor something& rea#ing it thro gh an# annotating the margins. > t he seems re< la9e#. Elliot is snoring softly besi#e Fate. I ha'e yet to !orner Elliot an# B i) him abo t 0ia& b t it$s been impossible topry him a%ay from Fate. 3hristian isn$t intereste# eno gh to as"& %hi!h is irritat<ing& b t I ha'en$t presse# him. -e$'e been en=oying o rsel'es too m !h. Elliotrests his han# possessi'ely on Fate$s "nee. She loo"s ra#iant& an# to thin" thatonly yester#ay afternoon she %as so ns re of him. -hat #i# 3hristian !all him.@elliot. 6erhaps that$s a family ni!"name. It %as s%eet& better than man%hore.Abr ptly& Elliot opens his eyes an# ga)es straight at me. I bl sh& !a ght staring. He grins. 2I s re lo'e yo r bl sh& Ana&4 he teases& stret!hing. Fate gi'es meher self<satisfie#& !at<ate<the<!anary smile. /ffi!er >eighley anno n!es o r approa!h to Sea<

(a!& an# 3hristian !laspsmy han#.2Ho% %as yo r %ee"en#& Mrs. 0rey.4 3hristian as"s on!e %e$re in the A #ihea#ing ba!" to Es!ala. (aylor an# Ryan are p front. E04. E0:+55, 20oo#& than" yo .4 I smile& feeling shy all of a s ##en. 2-e !an go anytime. (a"e anyone yo %ish to ta"e.4 2-e sho l# ta"e Ray. He$# li"e the fishing.4 2(hat$s a goo# i#ea.4 2Ho% %as it for yo .4 I as". 20oo#&4 he says after a moment& s rprise# by my B estion& I thin". 2Realgoo#.4 25o seeme# to rela9.4 He shr gs. 2I "ne% yo %ere safe.4 I fro%n. 23hristian& I$m safe most of the time. I$'e tol# yo before& yo $ll"eel o'er at forty if yo "eep p this le'el of an9iety. An# I %ant to gro% ol# an#gray %ith yo .4 I grasp his han#. He loo"s at me as if he !an$t !omprehen# %hatI$m saying. He gently "isses my "n !"les an# !hanges the s b=e!t. 2Ho%$s yo r han#.4 2It$s better& than" yo .4 He smiles. 2Cery goo#& Mrs. 0rey. 5o rea#y to fa!e 0ia again.4 /h !rap. I$# forgotten %e %ere seeing her this e'ening to go o'er the finalplans. I roll my eyes. 2I might %ant to "eep yo o t of the %ay& "eep yo safe.4 Ismir". 26rote!ting me.4 3hristian is la ghing at me. 2As e'er& Mr. 0rey. From all se9 al pre#ators&4 I %hisper.3hristian is br shing his teeth %hen I !ra%l into be#. (omorro% %e go ba!" toreality;ba!" to %or"& the papara))i& an# to Da!" in ! sto#y b t %ith the possibil<ity that he has an a!!ompli!e. Hmm . . . 3hristian %as 'ag e abo t that. Does he E05. E0*+55,"no%. An# if he #i# "no%& %o l# he tell me. I sigh. 0etting information o t of3hristian is li"e p lling teeth& an# %e$'e ha# s !h a lo'ely %ee"en#. Do I %ant tor in the feel<goo# moment by trying to #rag the information o t of him. It$s been a re'elation to see him o t of his normal en'ironment& o tsi#e thisapartment& rela9e# an# happy %ith his family. I %on#er 'ag ely if it$s be!a se%e$re here in this apartment %ith all its memories an# asso!iations that he gets%o n# p. Maybe %e sho l# mo'e. I snort. -e are mo'ing;%e$re ha'ing a h ge ho se ref rbishe# on the !oast.0ia$s plans are !omplete an# appro'e#& an# Elliot$s team starts b il#ing ne9t%ee". I !h !"le as I re!all 0ia$s sho!"e# e9pression %hen I tol# her that I$# seenher in Aspen. ( rns o t it %as nothing b t !o<in!i#en!e. She$# !ampe# o t at herholi#ay pla!e to %or" solely on o r plans. For one a%f l moment I$# tho ghtshe$# ha# a han# in !hoosing the ring& b t apparently not. > t I still #on$t tr st0ia. I %ant to hear the same story from Elliot. At least she "ept her #istan!e from3hristian this time. I loo" o t at the night s"y. I %ill miss this 'ie%. (his panorami! 'ista . . .Seattle at o r feet& so f ll of possibilities& yet so far remo'e#. Maybe that$s 3hris<tian$s problem ;he$s been too isolate# from real life for too long& than"s to hisself<impose# e9ile. 5et %ith his family aro n# him& he is less !ontrolling& lessan9io s; freer& happier. I %on#er %hat Flynn %o l# ma"e of all that. Holy !rap!Maybe that$s the ans%er. Maybe he nee#s his o%n family. I sha"e my hea# in#enial ;%e$re too yo ng& too ne% to all this. 3hristian stri#es into the room& loo"< ing his s al gorgeo s b t pensi'e self. 2E'erything o"ay.4 I as"He no#s #istra!te#ly as he !limbs into be#. 2I$m not loo"ing for%ar# to going ba!" to reality&4 I m rm r. 21o.4 I sha"e my hea# an# !aress his lo'ely fa!e. 2I ha# a %on#erf l %ee"en#.(han" yo .4 He smiles softly. 25o $re my reality&

Ana&4 he m rm rs an# "isses me. 2Do yo miss it.4 2Miss %hat.4 he as"s& perple9e#. 25o "no%. (he !aning . . . an# st ff&4 I %hisper& embarrasse#. He stares at me& his ga)e impassi'e. (hen #o bt !rosses his fa!e& his %here< is<she<going<%ith<this loo". E07. E08+55, 21o Anastasia& I #on$t.4 His 'oi!e is stea#y an# B iet. He !aresses my !hee".2Dr. Flynn sai# something to me %hen yo left& something that$s staye# %ith me.He sai# I !o l#n$t be that %ay if yo %eren$t so in!line#. It %as a re'elation.4 Hestops& an# fro%ns. 2I #i#n$t "no% any other %ay& Ana. 1o% I #o. It$s beene# !ational.4 2Me& e# !ate yo .4 I s!off. His eyes soften. 2Do yo miss it.4 he as"s. /h! 2I #on$t %ant yo to h rt me& b t I li"e to play& 3hristian. 5o "no%that. If yo %ante# to #o something . . .4 I shr g& ga)ing at him. 2Something.4 25o "no%& %ith a flogger or yo r !rop ;4 I stop& bl shing. He raises his bro%& s rprise#. 2-ell . . . %e$ll see. Right no%& I$# li"e somegoo# ol#<fashione# 'anilla.4 His th mb s"irts my bottom lip& an# he "isses meon!e more.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL 0oo# MorningDateL A g st A8& A0,, 08L,4(oL 3hristian 0reyMr. 0reyI = st %ante# to tell yo that I lo'e yo .(hat is all.5o rs Al%aysA9 E0:. E,0+55,Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL >anishing Mon#ay >l esDateL A g st A8& A0,, 08L,*(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0rey-hat gratifying %or#s to hear from one$s %ife Rerrant or notS on a Mon#ay morn<ing.@et me ass re yo that I feel e9a!tly the same %ay.Sorry abo t the #inner this e'ening. I hope it %on$t be too te#io s for yo .93hristian 0rey&3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. /h yes. (he Ameri!an Shipb il#ing Asso!iation #inner. I roll my eyes . . .More st ffe# shirts. 3hristian really #oes ta"e me to the most fas!inatingf n!tions.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Ships that pass in the nightDateL A g st A8& A0,, 08LA7(oL 3hristian 0reyDear Mr. 0reyI am s re yo !an thin" of a %ay to spi!e p the #inner . . .5o rs in anti!ipationMrs. 0. 9 E0*. E,,+55,Anastasia Rnon<errantS 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Cariety is the Spi!e of @ifeDateL A g st A8& A0,, 08LE5(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0reyI ha'e a fe% i#eas . . .93hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings 1o% Impatient for the ASA Dinner In!. All the m s!les in my belly !len!h. Hmm . . . I %on#er %hat he$ll #ream p.Hannah "no!"s on the #oor& interr pting my re'erie. 2Rea#y to go thro gh yo r s!he# le for this %ee"& Ana.4 2S re. Sit.4 I smile& re!o'ering my eB ilibri m& an# minimi)e my e<mail pro<gram. 2I$'e ha# to mo'e a !o ple of appointments. Mr. Fo9 ne9t %ee" an# Dr.;4 My phone rings& interr pting her. It$s Roa!h. He as"s me p to his offi!e. 23an %e pi!" this p in t%enty min tes.4 2/f !o rse.4 E08. E,A+55,FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL @ast nightDateL A g st E0& A0,, 08LA4(oL Anastasia 0rey-as . . . f n.-ho %o l# ha'e tho ght the ASA ann al #inner !o l# be so stim lating.As e'er& yo ne'er #isappoint& Mrs. 0rey.I lo'e yo .93hristian 0reyIn a%e& 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings

In!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL I lo'e a goo# ball game . . .DateL A g st E0& A0,, 08LEE(oL 3hristian 0reyDear Mr. 0reyI ha'e misse# the sil'er balls.5o ne'er #isappoint.(hat is all.Mrs. 0. 9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 Hannah taps on my #oor& interr pting my eroti! tho ghts of the pre'io se'ening. 3hristian$s han#s . . . his mo th. 23ome in.4 2Ana& Mr. Roa!h$s 6A = st !alle#. He$# li"e yo to atten# a meeting thismorning. It means I ha'e to mo'e some of yo r appointments again. Is that o"ay.4 His tong e. E,0. E,E+55, 2S re. 5es&4 I m tter trying to halt my %ay%ar# tho ghts. She grins an## !"s o t of my offi!e . . . lea'ing me %ith my #eli!io s memory of last night.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Hy#eDateL September ,& A0,, ,5LA4(oL Anastasia 0reyAnastasiaFor yo r information& Hy#e has been ref se# bail an# reman#e# in ! sto#y. He$s!harge# %ith attempte# "i#nap an# arson. As yet no #ate has been set for the trial.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Hy#eDateL September ,& A0,, ,5L5E(oL 3hristian 0rey(hat$s goo# ne%s.Does this mean yo $ll lighten p on se! rity.I really #on$t see eye to eye %ith 6res!ott.Ana 9 E,,. E,4+55,Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Hy#eDateL September ,& A0,, ,5L58(oL Anastasia 0rey1o. Se! rity %ill remain in pla!e. 1o arg ments.-hat$s %rong %ith 6res!ott. If yo #on$t li"e her& %e$ll repla!e her.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. I s!o%l at his high<han#e# e<mail. 6res!ott isn$t that ba#.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Feep yo r hair on!DateL September ,& A0,, ,7L0E(oL 3hristian 0reyI %as = st as"ing Rrolls eyesS. An# I$ll thin" abo t 6res!ott.Sto% that t%it!hy palm!Ana 9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0rey E,A. E,5+55,S b=e!tL Don$t tempt me.DateL September ,& A0,, ,7L,,(oL Anastasia 0reyI !an ass re yo & Mrs. 0rey& that my hair is 'ery firmly atta!he#;has this not been#emonstrate# often eno gh by yo r goo# self.My palm& ho%e'er& is t%it!hing.I might #o something abo t that tonight.93hristian 0rey1ot bal# yet 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL SB irmDateL September ,& A0,, ,7LA0(oL 3hristian 0rey6romises& promises . . .1o% stop pestering me. I am trying to %or"H I ha'e an imprompt meeting %ith ana thor. -ill try not to be #istra!te# by tho ghts of yo # ring the meeting.A9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 E,E. E,7+55,FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Sailing M Soaring M Span"ingDateL September 5& A0,, 08L,*(oL 3hristian 0reyH sban#5o s re "no% ho% to sho% a girl a goo# time.I shall of !o rse be e9pe!ting this "in# of treatment e'ery %ee"en#.5o are spoiling me. I lo'e it.5o r %ife9o9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL My @ife$s Mission . . .DateL September 5& A0,, 08LA5(oL Anastasia 0reyIs to spoil yo & Mrs. 0rey.An# "eep yo safe be!a se I lo'e yo .3hristian 0reySmitten 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. /h my.

3o l# he be any more romanti!.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL My @ife$s Mission . . .DateL September 5& A0,, 08LEE(oL 3hristian 0rey E,4. E,:+55,Is to let yo ;be!a se I lo'e yo & too.1o% stop being so sappy.5o are ma"ing me !ry.Anastasia 0reyEB ally Smitten 3ommissioning E#itor& SI6(he follo%ing #ay& I ga)e at the !alen#ar on my #es". /nly fi'e #ays ntilSeptember ,0;my birth#ay. I "no% %e are #ri'ing o t to the ho se to see ho%Elliot an# his !re% are progressing. Hmm . . . I %on#er if 3hristian has any otherplans. I smile at the tho ght. Hannah taps on my #oor. 23ome in.4 6res!ott is ho'ering o tsi#e. /## . . . 2Hi& Ana&4 says Hannah. 2(here$s a @eila -illiams here to see yo . She saysit$s personal.4 2@eila -illiams. I #on$t "no% a . . .4 My mo th goes #ry& an# Hannah$s eyes%i#en at my e9pression. @eila. F !". -hat #oes she %ant. E,5. 2Do yo %ant me to sen# her a%ay.4 Hannah as"s& alarme# at my e9pression. 2?m& no. -here is she.4 2In re!eption. She$s not alone. She$s a!!ompanie# by another yo ng%oman.4 /h! 2An# Miss 6res!ott %ants to tal" to yo &4 Hannah a##s. I$m s re she #oes. 2Sen# her in.4 Hannah stan#s asi#e& an# 6res!ott enters my offi!e. She$s on a mission& brist<ling %ith professional effi!ien!y. E,7. E,8+55, 20i'e me a moment& Hannah. 6res!ott& ta"e a seat.4 Hannah !loses the #oor& lea'ing 6res!ott an# me alone. 2Mrs. 0rey& @eila -illiams is on yo r pros!ribe# list of 'isitors.4 2-hat.4 I ha'e a pros!ribe# list. 2/n o r %at!h list& ma$am. (aylor an# -el!h ha'e been B ite spe!ifi! abo tnot letting her !ome into !onta!t %ith yo .4 I fro%n& not n#erstan#ing. 2Is she #angero s.4 2I !an$t say& ma$am.4 2-hy #o I e'en "no% that she$s here.4 6res!ott s%allo%s an# for a moment loo"s a%"%ar#. 2I %as on a restroombrea". She !ame in& spo"e #ire!tly to 3laire& an# 3laire !alle# Hannah.4 2/h. I see.4 I reali)e that e'en 6res!ott has to pee& an# I la gh. 2/h #ear.4 25es ma$am.4 6res!ott gi'es me an embarrasse# grin& an# it$s the first timeI$'e seen a !hin" in her armor. She has a lo'ely smile. 2I nee# to tal" to 3laire abo t proto!ol& again&4 she says& her tone %eary. 2S re. Does (aylor "no% she$s here.4 I !ross my fingers n!ons!io sly& hop<ing she hasn$t tol# 3hristian. 2I left a brief 'oi!e message for him.4 /h. 2(hen I only ha'e a short time. I$# li"e to "no% %hat she %ants.4 6res!ott ga)es at me for a moment. 2I m st a#'ise against it& ma$am.4 2She$s here to see me for a reason.4 2I$m s ppose# to pre'ent that& ma$am.4 Her 'oi!e is soft b t resigne#. 2I really %ant to hear %hat she has to say.4 My tone is more for!ef l than Iinten#. 6res!ott stifles her sigh. 2I$# li"e to sear!h them both before yo #o.4 2/"ay. 3an yo #o that.4 2I$m here to prote!t yo & Mrs. 0rey& so yes& I !an. I$# also li"e to stay %ithyo %hile yo tal".4 2/"ay.4 I$ll grant her this !on!ession. >esi#es& last time I met @eila& she %asarme#. 20o ahea#.4 6res!ott rises. 2Hannah&4 I !all. Hannah opens the #oor too B i!"ly. She m st ha'e been ho'ering o tsi#e. 23an yo !he!" to see if the meeting room is free& please.4 2I alrea#y ha'e& an# it$s goo# to go.4

E,:. EA0+55, 26res!ott& !an yo sear!h them in there. Is it pri'ate eno gh.4 25es& ma$am.4 2I$ll be there in fi'e min tes& then. Hannah& sho% @eila -illiams an#%home'er she$s %ith into the meeting room.4 2-ill #o.4 Hannah loo"s an9io sly from 6res!ott to me. 2Shall I !an!el yo rne9t meeting. It$s at fo r& b t it$s a!ross to%n.4 25es&4 I m rm r& #istra!te#. Hannah no#s then lea'es. -hat the hell #oes @eila %ant. I #on$t thin" she$s here to #o me any harm.She #i#n$t in the past %hen she ha# the opport nity. 3hristian is going to go n ts.My s b!ons!io s p rses her lips& primly !rosses her legs& an# no#s. I nee# to tellhim that I am #oing this. I type a B i!" e< mail& then pa se& !he!"ing the time. Ifeel a momentary pang of regret. -e$'e been getting along so %ell sin!e Aspen. Ipress sen#.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL CisitorsDateL September 7& A0,, ,5LA:(oL 3hristian 0rey3hristian@eila is here to see me. I %ill see her %ith 6res!ott.I$ll se my ne%ly a!B ire# slapping s"ills %ith my no% heale# han#& sho l# I nee#to.(ry& an# I mean try& not to %orry.I am a big girl.-ill !all on!e %e$'e spo"en.A9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 H rrie#ly& I hi#e my >la!">erry in my #es" #ra%er. I stan#& smoothing mygray pen!il s"irt o'er my hips& pin!h my !hee"s to gi'e them some !olor& an# n#o the ne9t b tton on my gray sil" blo se. /"ay& I$m rea#y. After ta"ing a #eep E,*. EA,+55,breath& I hea# o t of my offi!e to meet the infamo s @eila ignoring 25o r @o'e isFing4 h mming gently from insi#e my #es". @eila loo"s m !h better. More than better;she$s 'ery attra!ti'e. (here$s arosy bloom to her !hee"s& an# her bro%n eyes are bright& her hair !lean an# shiny.She$s #resse# in a pale pin" blo se an# %hite pants. She stan#s as soon as I enterthe meeting room& as #oes her frien#;another #ar"<haire# yo ng %oman %ithsoft bro%n eyes& the !olor of bran#y. 6res!ott ho'ers in the !orner& not ta"ing hereyes off @eila. 2Mrs. 0rey& than" yo so m !h for seeing me.4 @eila$s 'oi!e is soft b t !lear. 2?m . . . Sorry abo t the se! rity&4 I m tter be!a se I !annot thin" %hat elseto say. I %a'e a han# #istra!te#ly at 6res!ott. 2(his is my frien#& S si.4 2Hi.4 I no# at S si. She loo"s li"e @eila. She loo"s li"e me. /h& no. Anotherone. 25es&4 @eila says& as if rea#ing my tho ghts. 2S si "no%s Mr. 0rey& too.4 -hat the hell am I s ppose# to say to that. I gi'e her a polite smile. 26lease& sit&4 I m rm r. (here$s a "no!" on the #oor. It$s Hannah. I motion her in& "no%ing f ll %ell%hy she$s #ist rbing s. 2Sorry to interr pt& Ana. I ha'e Mr. 0rey on the line.4 2(ell him I$m b sy.4 2He %as B ite insistent&4 she says fearf lly. 2I am s re he %as. -o l# yo apologi)e to him& an# say I$ll !all him ba!"'ery shortly.4 Hannah hesitates. 2Hannah& please.4 She no#s an# s! rries o t of the room. I t rn ba!" to the t%o %omen sitting infront of me. (hey are both staring at me in a%e. It$s n!omfortable. 2-hat !an I #o for yo .4 I as". S si spea"s. 2I "no% this is all "in#s of %eir#& b t I %ante# to meet yo & too.(he %oman %ho !apt re# 3hris;4 I hol# p my han#& stopping her in mi#<senten!e. I #o not %ant to hear this.2?m . . . I get the pi!t re&4 I m tter. 2-e !all o rsel'es the s b !l b.4 She grins at me& her eyes shining %ithmirth. E,8. EAA+55, /h my 0o#. @eila gasps an# gapes at S si& at on!e am se# an# appalle#. S si %in!es. Is spe!t @eila$s "i!"e# her n#er the table. -hat the

hell am I s ppose# to say to that. I glan!e ner'o sly at 6res!ott&%ho remains impassi'e& her eyes ne'er lea'ing @eila. S si seems to remember herself. She bl shes& then no#s an# stan#s. 2I$ll %aitin re!eption. (his is @ l $s sho%.4 I !an tell she$s embarrasse#. @ l . 25o $ll be o"ay.4 she as"s @eila& %ho smiles p at her. S si gi'es me alarge& open& gen ine smile an# e9its the room. S si an# 3hristian . . . it$s not a tho ght I %ish to #%ell on. 6res!ott ta"es herphone o t of her po!"et an# ans%ers it. I #i#n$t hear it ring. 2Mr. 0rey&4 she says. @eila an# I t rn to loo" at her. 6res!ott !loses her eyesas if in pain. 25es& sir&4 she says& stepping for%ar#& an# han#s me the phone. I roll my eyes. 23hristian&4 I m rm r& trying to !ontain my e9asperation. Istan# an# stri#e bris"ly o t of the room. 2-hat the f !" are yo playing at.4 he sho ts. He$s seething. 2Don$t sho t at me.4 2-hat #o yo mean #on$t sho t at yo .4 he sho ts& lo #er this time. 2I ga'espe!ifi! instr !tions %hi!h yo ha'e !ompletely #isregar#e#;again. Hell& Ana& Iam f !"ing f rio s.4 2-hen yo are !almer& %e %ill tal" abo t this.4 2Don$t yo hang p on me&4 he hisses. 20oo#<bye& 3hristian.4 I hang p an# s%it!h off 6res!ott$s phone. Holy shit. I #on$t ha'e long %ith @eila. (a"ing a #eep breath& I reenter themeeting room. >oth @eila an# 6res!ott loo" p at me e9pe!tantly& an# I han#6res!ott her phone. 2-here %ere %e.4 I as" @eila as I sit ba!" #o%n opposite her. Her eyes%i#en slightly. 5es. Apparently& I han#le him& I %ant to say to her. > t I #on$t thin" she%ants to hear that. @eila fi##les ner'o sly %ith the en#s of her hair. 2First& I %ante# to apolo<gi)e&4 she says softly. /h . .. EA0. EAE+55, She glan!es p an# registers my s rprise. 25es&4 she says B i!"ly. 2An# tothan" yo for not pressing !harges. 5o "no%;for yo r !ar an# in yo rapartment.4 2I "no% yo %eren$t . . . m& %ell&4 I m rm r& reeling. I ha#n$t e9pe!te# anapology. 21o& I %asn$t.4 25o $re feeling better no%.4 I as" gently. 2M !h. (han" yo .4 2Does yo r #o!tor "no% yo $re here.4 She sha"es her hea#. /h. She loo"s s itably g ilty. 2I "no% I$ll ha'e to #eal %ith the fallo t for thislater. > t I ha# to get some things& an# I %ante# to see S si& an# yo & an# . . . Mr.0rey.4 25o %ant to see 3hristian.4 My stoma!h free<falls to the floor. (hat$s %hyshe$s here. 25es. I %ante# to as" yo if that %o l# be o"ay.4 Holy f !". I gape at her& an# I %ant to tell her that it$s not o"ay. I #on$t %anther any%here near my h sban#. -hy is she here. (o assess the opposition. (o nsettle me. /r perhaps she nee#s this as some sort of !los re. 2@eila.4 I flo n#er& e9asperate#. 2It$s not p to me& it$s p to 3hristian.5o $ll nee# to as" him. He #oesn$t nee# my permission. He$s a gro%n man . . .most of the time.4 She ga)es at me for a fra!tion of a beat as if s rprise# by my rea!tion thenla ghs softly& ner'o sly t%i##ling the en# of her hair. 2He$s repeate#ly ref se# all my reB ests to see him&4 she says B ietly. /h shit. I$m in more tro ble than I tho ght. 2-hy is it so important for yo to see him.4 I as" gently. 2(o than" him. I$# be rotting in a stin"ing prison psy!hiatri! fa!ility if it%asn$t for him. I "no% that.4 She glan!es #o%n an# r ns her finger along the e#geof the table. 2I s ffere# a serio s psy!hoti! episo#e& an# %itho t Mr. 0rey an#Dohn;Dr. Flynn . . .4 She shr gs an# ga)es at me on!e more& her fa!e f ll ofgratit #e. /n!e again I$m spee!hless.

-hat #oes she e9pe!t me to say. S rely shesho l# be saying these things to 3hristian& not me. EA,. EA4+55, 2An# for art s!hool. I !an$t than" him eno gh for that.4 I "ne% it! 3hristian is f n#ing her !lasses. I remain e9pressionless& tentati'elye9ploring my feelings for this %oman no% that she$s !onfirme# my s spi!ionsabo t 3hristian$s generosity. (o my s rprise& I feel no ill %ill to%ar# her. It$s are'elation& an# I$m gla# she$s better. 1o%& hopef lly& she !an mo'e on %ith herlife an# o t of o rs. 2Are yo missing !lasses right no%.4 I as"& be!a se I$m intereste#. 2/nly t%o. I hea# home tomorro%.4 /h goo#. 2-hat are yo r plans& %hile yo $re here.4 26i!" p my belongings from S si& ret rn to Ham#en. 3ontin e painting an#learning. Mr. 0rey alrea#y has a !o ple of my paintings.4 -hat the hell! My stoma!h pl nges into the basement on!e more. Are theyhanging in my li'ing room. I bri#le at the tho ght. 2-hat sort of painting #o yo #o.4 2Abstra!ts& mainly.4 2I see.4 My min# flits thro gh the no%<familiar paintings in the great room.(%o by his e9<s b . . . possibly. Dee). 2Mrs. 0rey& !an I spea" fran"ly.4 she as"s& !ompletely obli'io s to my %ar<ring emotions. 2>y all means&4 I m tter& glan!ing at 6res!ott& %ho loo"s li"e she$s rela9e# alittle. @eila leans for%ar# as if to impart a long<hel# se!ret. 2I lo'e# 0eoff& my boyfrien# %ho #ie# earlier this year.4 Her 'oi!e #rops toa sa# %hisper. Holy shit& she$s getting personal. 2I$m so sorry&4 I m tter a tomati!ally& b t she !ontin es as if she hasn$thear# me. 2I lo'e# my h sban# . . . an# one other&4 she m rm rs. 2My h sban#.4 (he %or#s are o t of my mo th before I !an stop them. 25es.4 She mo ths the %or#. (his is not ne%s to me. -hen she lifts her bro%n eyes to mine& they are %i#e%ith !onfli!ting emotions& an# the o'erri#ing one seems to be apprehension . . . ofmy rea!tion& perhaps. > t my o'er%helming response to this poor yo ng %omanis !ompassion. Mentally I r n thro gh all the !lassi!al literat re I !an thin" of that#eals %ith nreB ite# lo'e. S%allo%ing har#& I !l t!h the moral high gro n#. 2I "no%. He$s 'ery easy to lo'e&4 I %hisper. EAA. EA5+55, Her %i#e eyes %i#en f rther in s rprise& an# she smiles. 25es. He is;%as.4She !orre!ts herself B i!"ly an# bl shes. (hen she giggles so s%eetly that I !an$thelp myself. I giggle& too. 5es& 3hristian 0rey ma"es s giggly. My s b!ons!io srolls her eyes at me in #espair an# goes ba!" to rea#ing her #og<eare# !opy ofDane Eyre. I glan!e at my %at!h. Deep #o%n I "no% 3hristian %ill be here soon. 25o $ll get yo r !han!e to see 3hristian.4 2I tho ght I %o l#. I "no% ho% prote!ti'e he !an be.4 She smiles. So this is her s!heme. She$s 'ery shre%#. /r manip lati'e& %hispers my s b<!ons!io s. 2(his is %hy yo $re here to see me.4 25es.4 2I see.4 An# 3hristian is playing right into her han#s. Rel !tantly& I ha'e toa!"no%le#ge that she "no%s him %ell. 2He seeme# 'ery happy. -ith yo &4 she says. -hat. 2Ho% %o l# yo "no%.4 2From %hen I %as in the apartment.4 She a##s !a tio sly. /h hell . . . ho% !o l# I forget that. 2-ere yo there often.4 21o. > t he %as 'ery #ifferent %ith yo .4 Do I %ant to hear this. A sh ##er r ns thro gh me. My s!alp pri!"les as I re<!all my fear %hen she %as the nseen sha#o% in o r apartment. 25o "no% it$s against the la%. (respassing.4 She no#s& ga)ing

#o%n at the table. She r ns a fingernail along the e#ge. 2It%as only a fe% times& an# I %as l !"y not to get !a ght. Again& I nee# to than"Mr. 0rey for that. He !o l# ha'e ha# me thro%n in =ail.4 2I #on$t thin" he$# #o that&4 I m rm r. S ##enly there is a fl rry of a!ti'ity o tsi#e the meeting room& an# instin!t<i'ely I "no% that 3hristian is in the b il#ing. A moment later he b rsts thro ghthe #oor& an# before he !loses it& I !at!h (aylor$s eye as he stan#s patiently o t<si#e. (aylor$s mo th is set in a grim line& an# he #oesn$t ret rn my tight smile. /hhell& e'en he$s ma# at me. 3hristian$s b rning gray ga)e pins first me then @eila to o r !hairs. His #e<meanor is B ietly #etermine#& b t I "no% better& an# I s spe!t @eila #oes& too. (hemena!ing !ool glint in his eyes re'eals the tr th;he$s emanating rage& tho gh hehi#es it %ell. In his gray s it& %ith his #ar" tie loosene# an# the top b tton of his%hite shirt n#one& he loo"s at on!e b sinessli"e an# !as al . . . an# hot. His hair EAE. EA7+55,is in #isarray;no #o bt be!a se he$s been r nning his han#s thro gh it ine9asperation. @eila loo"s ner'o sly #o%n at the e#ge of the table& r nning her in#e9 fingeralong the e#ge again as 3hristian loo"s from me to her an# then to 6res!ott. 25o &4 he says to 6res!ott in a soft tone. 25o $re fire#. 0et o t no%.4 I blan!h. /h no;this isn$t fair. 23hristian;4 I ma"e to stan# p. He hol#s his in#e9 finger p at me in %arning. 2Don$t&4 he says. His 'oi!e soomino sly B iet that I$m imme#iately silen!e# an# roote# to my seat. >o%ing herhea#& 6res!ott %al"s bris"ly o t of the room to =oin (aylor. 3hristian sh ts the#oor behin# her an# %al"s to the e#ge of the table. 3rap! 3rap! 3rap! (hat %asmy fa lt. 3hristian stan#s opposite @eila& an# pla!ing both han#s on the %oo#ens rfa!e& he leans for%ar#. 2-hat the f !" are yo #oing here.4 he gro%ls at her. 23hristian!4 I gasp. He ignores me. 2-ell.4 he #eman#s. @eila pee"s p at him thro gh long lashes& her eyes %i#e& her fa!e ashen& herrosy glo% gone. 2I %ante# to see yo & an# yo %o l#n$t let me&4 she %hispers. 2So yo !ame here to harass my %ife.4 His 'oi!e is B iet. (oo B iet. @eila loo"s #o%n at the table again. He stan#s& glo%ering at her. 2@eila& if yo !ome any%here near my %ifeagain& I %ill ! t off all s pport. Do!tors& art s!hool& me#i!al ins ran!e;all ofit;gone. Do yo n#erstan#.4 23hristian;4 I try again. > t he silen!es me %ith a !hilling loo". -hy is hebeing so nreasonable. My !ompassion for this sa# %oman blooms. 25es&4 she says& her 'oi!e = st a #ible. 2-hat$s S sannah #oing in re!eption.4 2She !ame %ith me.4 He r ns a han# thro gh his hair& glaring at her. 23hristian& please&4 I beg him. 2@eila = st %ants to say than" yo . (hat$s all.4 He ignores me& !on!entrating his %rath on @eila. 2Di# yo stay %ith S san<nah %hile yo %ere si!".4 25es.4 2Di# she "no% %hat yo %ere #oing %hile yo %ere staying %ith her.4 EA4. EA:+55, 21o. She %as a%ay on 'a!ation.4 He stro"es his in#e9 finger o'er his lo%er lip. 2-hy #o yo nee# to see me.5o "no% yo sho l# sen# any reB ests thro gh Flynn. Do yo nee# something.4His tone has softene#& maybe by a fra!tion. @eila r ns her finger along the e#ge of the table again. Stop b llying her& 3hristian! 2I ha# to "no%.4 An# for the first time she loo"s p #ire!tly at him. 2Ha# to "no% %hat.4 he snaps. 2(hat yo $re o"ay.4

He gapes at her. 2(hat I$m o"ay.4 he s!offs& #isbelie'ing. 25es.4 2I$m fine. (here& B estion ans%ere#. 1o% (aylor %ill r n yo to Sea<(a! soyo !an go ba!" to the East 3oast. An# if yo ta"e one step %est of the Missis<sippi& it$s all gone. ?n#erstan#.4 Holy f !" . . . 3hristian! I gape at him. -hat the f !" is eating him. He !an<not !onfine her to one si#e of the !o ntry. 25es. I n#erstan#&4 @eila says B ietly. 20oo#.4 3hristian$s tone is more !on!iliatory. 2It might not be !on'enient for @eila to go ba!" no%. She has plans&4 I ob<=e!t& o trage# on her behalf. 3hristian glares at me. 2Anastasia&4 he %arns& his 'oi!e i!y& 2this #oes not!on!ern yo .4 I s!o%l at him. /f !o rse it !on!erns me. She$s in my offi!e. (here m st bemore to this than I "no%. He$s not being rational. Fifty Sha#es& my s b!ons!io s hisses at me. 2@eila !ame to see me& not yo &4 I m rm r pet lantly. @eila t rns to me& her eyes impossibly %i#e. 2I ha# my instr !tions& Mrs. 0rey. I #isobeye# them.4 She glan!es ner'o slyat my h sban#& then ba!" at me. 2(his is the 3hristian 0rey I "no%&4 she says& her tone sa# an# %istf l. 3hris<tian fro%ns at her& %hile all the breath e'aporates from my l ngs. I !an$t breathe.-as 3hristian li"e this %ith her all the time. -as he li"e this %ith me& at first. Ifin# it har# to remember. 0i'ing me a forlorn smile& @eila rises from the table. 2I$# li"e to stay ntil tomorro%. My flight is at noon&4 she says B ietly to3hristian. EA5. EA*+55, 2I$ll ha'e someone !olle!t yo at ten to ta"e yo to the airport.4 2(han" yo .4 25o $re at S sannah$s.4 25es.4 2/"ay.4 I glare at 3hristian. He !an$t #i!tate to her li"e this . . . an# ho% #oes he"no% %here S sannah li'es. 20oo#<bye& Mrs. 0rey. (han" yo for seeing me.4 I stan# an# hol# o t my han#. She ta"es it gratef lly an# %e sha"e. 2?m . . . goo#<bye. 0oo# l !"&4 I m tter& be!a se I$m not s re %hat the pro<to!ol is for saying fare%ell to my h sban#$s e9<s bmissi'e. She no#s an# t rns to him. 20oo#<bye& 3hristian.4 3hristian$s eyes soften a little. 20oo#<bye& @eila.4 His is 'oi!e lo%. 2Dr.Flynn& remember.4 25es& Sir.4 He opens the #oor to sher her o t& b t she halts in front of him an# loo"s p.He stills& %at!hing her %arily. 2I$m gla# yo $re happy. 5o #eser'e to be&4 she says an# lea'es before he!an reply. He fro%ns after her& then no#s to (aylor& %ho follo%s @eila to%ar# there!eption area. 3losing the #oor& 3hristian ga)es n!ertainly at me. 2Don$t e'en thin" abo t being angry %ith me&4 I hiss. 23all 3la #e >astillean# "i!" the shit o t of him or go see Flynn.4 His mo th #rops openH he$s so s rprise# by my o tb rst& an# his bro%!reases on!e more. 25o promise# yo %o l#n$t #o this.4 1o% his tone is a!! satory. 2Do %hat.4 2Defy me.4 21o I #i#n$t. I sai# I$# be more !onsi#erate. I tol# yo she %as here. I ha#6res!ott sear!h her& an# yo r other little frien#& too. 6res!ott %as %ith me the en<tire time. 1o% yo $'e fire# the poor %oman& %hen she %as only #oing %hat Ias"e#. I tol# yo not to %orry& yet here yo are. I #on$t remember re!ei'ing yo rpapal b ll #e!reeing that I !o l#n$t see @eila. I #i#n$t "no% that my 'isitors %eres b=e!t to a pros!ribe# list.4 My 'oi!e rises %ith in#ignation as I %arm to my!a se. 3hristian regar#s me& his e9pression nrea#able. After a moment his mo tht%ists. EA7. EA8+55, 26apal b ll.4 he says& am se#& an# he 'isibly rela9es. I %asn$t aiming tolighten o r !on'ersation& yet here he is smir"ing at me& an# that

ma"es me ma#<#er. (he e9!hange bet%een him an# his e9 %as painf l to %itness. Ho% !o l# hebe so !ol# %ith her. 2-hat.4 he as"s& e9asperate#& as my fa!e remains resol tely straight. 25o . -hy %ere yo so !allo s to%ar# her.4 He sighs an# shifts& stepping to%ar# me an# per!hing on the table. 2Anastasia&4 he says as if to a !hil#. 25o #on$t n#erstan#. @eila& S san< nah;all of them;they %ere a pleasant& #i'erting pastime. > t that$s all. 5o arethe !enter of my ni'erse. An# the last time yo t%o %ere in a room together& sheha# yo at g npoint. I #on$t %ant her any%here near yo .4 2> t& 3hristian& she %as ill.4 2I "no% that& an# I "no% she$s better no%& b t I$m not gi'ing her the benefitof the #o bt anymore. -hat she #i# %as nforgi'able.4 2> t yo $'e = st playe# right into her han#s. She %ante# to see yo again&an# she "ne% yo $# !ome r nning if she !ame to see me.4 3hristian shr gs as if he #oesn$t !are. 2I #on$t %ant yo tainte# %ith my ol#life.4 -hat. 23hristian . . . yo are %ho yo are be!a se of yo r ol# life& yo r ne% life&%hate'er. -hat to !hes yo & to !hes me. I a!!epte# that %hen I agree# to marryyo & be!a se I lo'e yo .4 He stills. I "no% he fin#s it har# to hear this. 2She #i#n$t h rt me. She lo'es yo & too.4 2I #on$t gi'e a f !".4 I gape at him& sho!"e#. An# I$m sho!"e# that he still has the !apa!ity tosho!" me. (his is the 3hristian 0rey I "no%. @eila$s %or#s rattle aro n# my hea#.His rea!tion to her %as so !ol#& so m !h at o##s %ith the man I$'e !ome to "no%an# lo'e. I fro%n& re!alling the remorse he felt %hen she ha# her brea"#o%n&%hen he tho ght he might in some %ay be responsible for her pain. I s%allo%& re<membering& too& that he bathe# her. My stoma!h t%ists painf lly at the tho ght&an# bile rises in my throat. Ho% !an he say he #oesn$t !are abo t her. He #i#ba!" then. -hat$s !hange#. Sometimes& li"e no%& I = st #on$t n#erstan# him. Heoperates on a le'el far& far remo'e# from mine. EA:. EE0+55, 2-hy are yo !hampioning her !a se all of a s ##en.4 he as"s& mystifie#an# irritable. 2@oo"& 3hristian& I #on$t thin" @eila an# I %ill be s%apping re!ipes an# "nit<ting patterns anytime soon. > t I #i#n$t thin" yo $# be so heartless to her.4 His eyes frost. 2I tol# yo on!e& I #on$t ha'e a heart&4 he m tters. I roll my eyes;oh& no% he is being a#oles!ent. 2(hat$s = st not tr e& 3hristian. 5o $re being ri#i! lo s. 5o #o !are abo ther. 5o %o l#n$t be paying for art !lasses an# the rest of that st ff if yo #i#n$t.4 S ##enly& it$s my lifetime ambition to ma"e him reali)e this. It$s painsta"< ingly ob'io s that he !ares. -hy #oes he #eny it. It$s li"e his feelings for his birthmother. /h shit;of !o rse. His feelings for @eila an# his other s bmissi'es aretangle# p %ith his feelings for his mother. I li"e to %hip little bro%n<haire# girlsli"e yo be!a se yo all loo" li"e the !ra!" %hore. 1o %on#er he$s so ma#. I sighan# sha"e my hea#. 6aging Dr. Flynn& please. Ho% !an he not see this. My heart s%ells for him momentarily. My lost boy . . . -hy is it so har# forhim to get ba!" in to !h %ith the h manity& the !ompassion he sho%e# @eila%hen she ha# her brea"#o%n. He glares at me& his eyes glittering %ith anger. 2(his #is! ssion is o'er. @et$sgo home.4 I glan!e at my %at!h. It$s fo r t%enty<three. I ha'e %or" to #o. 2It$s tooearly&4 I m tter. 2Home&4 he insists. 23hristian.4 My 'oi!e is %eary. 2I$m tire# of ha'ing the same arg ment %ithyo .4 He fro%ns as if he #oesn$t n#erstan#.

25o "no%&4 I el !i#ate& 2I #o something yo #on$t li"e& an# yo thin" ofsome %ay to get ba!" at me. ?s ally in'ol'ing some of yo r "in"y f !"ery&%hi!h is either min#<blo%ing or !r el.4 I shr g& resigne#. (his is e9ha sting an#!onf sing. 2Min#<blo%ing.4 he as"s. -hat. 2?s ally& yes.4 2-hat %as min#<blo%ing.4 he as"s& his eyes no% shimmering %ith am se#sens al ! riosity. An# I "no% he$s trying to #istra!t me. EA*. EE,+55, 3rap! I #o not %ant to #is! ss this in SI6$s meeting room. My s b!ons!io se9amines her finely mani! re# nails %ith #is#ain. Sho l#n$t ha'e bro ght thes b=e!t p& then. 25o "no%.4 I bl sh& irritate# %ith both him an# myself. 2I !an g ess&4 he %hispers. Holy !rap. I$m trying to !astigate him an# he$s !onfo n#ing me. 23hristian&I;4 2I li"e to please yo .4 He #eli!ately tra!es his th mb o'er my bottom lip. 25o #o&4 I a!"no%le#ge& my 'oi!e a %hisper. 2I "no%&4 he says softly. He leans for%ar# an# %hispers in my ear& 2It$s theone thing I #o "no%.4 /h& he smells goo#. He leans ba!" an# ga)es #o%n at me&his lips ! rle# in an arrogant& I<so<o%n<yo smile. 6 rsing my lips& I stri'e to appear naffe!te# by his to !h. He is so artf l at#i'erting me from anything painf l& or anything he #oesn$t %ant to a##ress. An#yo let him& my s b!ons!io s pipes p nhelpf lly& ga)ing o'er her !opy of DaneEyre. 2-hat %as min#<blo%ing& Anastasia.4 he prompts& a %i!"e# gleam in hiseye. 25o %ant the list.4 I as". 2(here$s a list.4 He$s please#. /h& this man is e9ha sting. 2-ell& the han#! ffs&4 I m mble& my min# !ata< p lte# ba!" to o r honeymoon. He f rro%s his bro% an# grasps my han#& tra!ing the p lse point on my %rist%ith his th mb. 2I #on$t %ant to mar" yo .4 /h . . . His lips ! rl in a slo% !arnal smile. 23ome home.4 His tone is se# !ti'e. 2I ha'e %or" to #o.4 2Home&4 he says& more insistent. -e ga)e at ea!h other& molten gray into be%il#ere# bl e& testing ea!h other&testing o r bo n#aries an# o r %ills. I sear!h his eyes for some n#erstan#ing&trying to fathom ho% this man !an go from raging !ontrol frea" to se# !ti'e lo'erin one breath. His eyes gro% larger an# #ar"er& his intention !lear. Softly& he!aresses my !hee". 2-e !o l# stay here.4 His is 'oi!e lo% an# h s"y. EA8. EEA+55, /h no. My inner go##ess ga)es longingly #o%n at the %oo#en table. 1o. 1o.1o. 1ot in the offi!e. 23hristian& I #on$t %ant to ha'e se9 here. 5o r mistress has= st been in this room.4 2She %as ne'er my mistress&4 he gro%ls& his mo th flattening into a grimline. 2(hat$s = st semanti!s& 3hristian.4 He fro%ns& his e9pression p ))le#. (he se# !ti'e lo'er has gone. 2Don$to'erthin" this& Ana. She$s history&4 he says #ismissi'ely. I sigh . . . maybe he$s right. I = st %ant him to a#mit to himself that he !aresfor her. A !hill grips my heart. /h no. (his is %hy it$s important to me. S ppose I#o something nforgi'able. S ppose I #on$t !onform. -ill I be history& too. If he!an t rn li"e this& %hen he %as so !on!erne# an# pset %hen @eila %as ill . . .!o l# he t rn against me. I gasp& re!alling the fragments of a #reamL gilt mirrorsan# the so n# of his heels !li!"ing on the marble# floor as he lea'es me stan#ingalone in op lent splen#or. 21o . . .4 (he %or#s are o t of my mo th in %hispere# horror before I !anstop them. 25es&4 he says& an# grasping my !hin& he leans #o%n an# plants a ten#er "isson my lips. 2/h& 3hristian& yo s!are me sometimes.4 I grasp his hea# in my han#s& t%istmy

fingers into his hair& an# p ll his lips to mine. He stills for a moment as hisarms fol# aro n# me. 2-hy.4 25o !o l# t rn a%ay from her so easily . . .4 He fro%ns. 2An# yo thin" I might t rn a%ay from yo & Ana. -hy the hell%o l# yo thin" that. -hat$s bro ght this on.4 21othing. Fiss me. (a"e me home&4 I plea#. An# as his lips to !h mine& I amlost. EE0. EEE+55,2/h please&4 I beg& as 3hristian blo%s gently on my se9. 2All in goo# time&4 he m rm rs. I p ll on my restraints an# groan lo #ly in protest from his !arnal assa lt. I$mtr sse# p in soft leather ! ffs& ea!h elbo% bo n# to ea!h "nee& an# 3hristian$shea# bobs an# %ea'es bet%een my legs& his masterf l tong e teasing me& relent<less. I open my eyes an# ga)e nseeing at o r be#room !eiling bathe# in the softlate afternoon light. His tong e mo'es ro n# an# ro n#& s%irling an# ! rling o'eran# aro n# the !enter of my ni'erse. I %ant to straighten my legs an# str ggle ina 'ain attempt to !ontrol the pleas re. > t I !an$t. My fingers fist in his hair an# It g har# to fight his s blime tort re. 2Don$t !ome&4 he m rm rs in %arning against me& his soft breath on my%arm& %et flesh as he resists my fingers. 2I %ill span" yo if yo !ome.4 I moan. 23ontrol& Ana. It$s all abo t !ontrol.4 His tong e rene%s its eroti! in! rsion. /h& he "no%s %hat he$s #oing. I am helpless to resist or stop my sla'ish rea!<tion& an# I try;really try;b t my bo#y #etonates n#er his mer!iless ministra<tions& an# his tong e #oesn$t stop as he %rings e'ery last o n!e of #ebilitatingpleas re from me. 2/h& Ana&4 he s!ol#s. 25o !ame.4 His 'oi!e is soft %ith his tri mphant rep<riman#. He flips me onto my front& an# I sha"ily s pport myself on my forearms.He sma!"s me har# on my behin#. 2Ah!4 I !ry o t. 23ontrol&4 he a#monishes& an# grabbing my hips he thr sts himself into me. I!ry o t again& my flesh still B i'ering from the aftersho!"s of my orgasm. Hestills %hile #eep insi#e me an#& leaning o'er& n!lips first one& then the se!on#! ff. He %raps his arm aro n# me an# p lls me into his lap& his front to my ba!"&an# his han# ! rls beneath my !hin aro n# my throat. I re'el in the feeling off llness. 2Mo'e&4 he or#ers. EE,. EE4+55, I moan an# rise p an# #o%n on his lap. 2Faster&4 he %hispers. An# I mo'e faster an# faster. He groans an# his han# tips my hea# ba!" as henibbles my ne!". His other han# tra'els leis rely a!ross my bo#y& from my hip&#o%n to my se9& #o%n to my !litoris . . . still sensiti'e from his earlier la'ish at<tention. I %himper as his fingers !lose aro n# me& teasing me on!e more. 25es& Ana&4 he rasps softly in my ear. 25o are mine. /nly yo .4 25es&4 I breathe as my bo#y tightens again& !losing aro n# him& !ra#ling himin the most intimate %ay. 23ome for me&4 he #eman#s. An# I let go& my bo#y obe#iently follo%ing his !omman#. He hol#s me stillas my !lima9 rips thro gh me an# I !all o t his name. 2/h& Ana& I lo'e yo &4 he groans an# follo%s my lea# as he b !"s into me&fin#ing his o%n release.He "isses my sho l#er an# smoothes my hair from my fa!e. 2Does that ma"e thelist& Mrs. 0rey.4 he m rm rs. I am lying& barely !ons!io s& flat on my belly ono r be#. 3hristian gently "nea#s my ba!"si#e. He$s proppe# p besi#e me on oneelbo%. 2Hmm.4 2Is that a yes.4 2Hmm.4 I smile. He grins an# "isses me again& an# rel !tantly I roll on my si#e to fa!e him. 2-ell.4 he as"s. 25es. It

ma"es the list. > t it$s a long list.4 His fa!e nearly splits in t%o& an# he leans for%ar# to "iss me gently. 20oo#.Shall %e ha'e #inner.4 His eyes glo% %ith lo'e an# h mor. I no#. I am famishe#. I rea!h o'er to gently p ll the little hairs on his !hest. 2I%ant yo to tell me something&4 I %hisper. 2-hat.4 2Don$t get ma#.4 2-hat is it& Ana.4 25o #o !are.4 EEA. EE5+55, His eyes %i#en& an# all tra!e of his goo# h mor 'anishes. 2I %ant yo to a#mit that yo !are. >e!a se the 3hristian I "no% an# lo'e%o l# !are.4 He stills& his eyes not lea'ing mine& an# I$m %itness to his internal str ggle asif he$s abo t to ma"e the = #gment of Solomon. He opens his mo th to saysomething then !loses it again as some fleeting emotion !rosses his fa!e . . . pain&maybe. Say it& I %ill him. 25es. 5es& I !are. Happy.4 His 'oi!e is barely a %hisper. /h& than" f !" for that. It$s a relief. 25es. Cery.4 He fro%ns. 2I !an$t belie'e I$m tal"ing to yo no%& here in o r be#& abo t;4 I p t my finger to his lips. 2-e$re not. @et$s eat. I$m h ngry.4 He sighs an# sha"es his hea#. 25o beg ile an# be%il#er me& Mrs. 0rey.4 20oo#.4 I lean p an# "iss him.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL (he @istDateL September 8& A0,, 08LEE(oL 3hristian 0rey(hat$s #efinitely at the top.LDA9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 EEE. EE7+55,FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL (ell Me Something 1e%DateL September 8& A0,, 08L4A(oL Anastasia 0rey5o $'e sai# that for the last three #ays.Ma"e yo r min# p./r . . . %e !o l# try something else.HS3hristian 0rey3E/& En=oying this 0ame& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!.I grin at my s!reen. (he last fe% e'enings ha'e been . . . entertaining. -e ha'e re<la9e# again& @eila$s brief interr ption forgotten. I ha'en$t B ite %or"e# p the!o rage to as" if any of her paintings hang on the %alls;an# fran"ly& I #on$treally !are. My >la!">erry b ))es an# I ans%er& e9pe!ting 3hristian. 2Ana.4 25es.4 2Ana& honey. It$s DosG Senior.4 2Mr. Ro#rig e)! Hi!4 My s!alp pri!"les. -hat #oes DosG$s #a# %ant %ithme. 2Honey& I$m sorry to !all yo at %or". It$s Ray.4 His 'oi!e falters. 2-hat is it. -hat$s happene#.4 My heart leaps into my throat. 2Ray$s been in an a!!i#ent.4 /h& no. Da##y. I stop breathing. 2He$s in the hospital. 5o $# better get here B i!".4 EE4. 2Mr. Ro#rig e)& %hat$s happene#.4 My 'oi!e is hoarse an# thi!" %ith nshe#tears. Ray. S%eet Ray. My #a#. 2He$s been in a !ar a!!i#ent.4 2/"ay& I$ll !ome . . . I$ll !ome no%.4 A#renaline has floo#e# my bloo#<stream& lea'ing pani! in its %a"e. I$m fin#ing it #iffi! lt to breathe. 2(hey$'e transferre# him to 6ortlan#.4 6ortlan#. -hat the hell is he #oing in 6ortlan#. 2(hey airlifte# him& Ana. I$m hea#ing there no%. /HS?. /h& Ana& I #i#n$tsee the !ar. I = st #i#n$t see it . . .4 His 'oi!e !ra!"s. EE5. EE*+55, Mr. Ro#rig e);no! 2I$ll see yo there.4 Mr. Ro#rig e) !ho"es an# the line goes #ea#. A #ar" #rea# sei)es me by the throat& o'er%helming me. Ray. 1o. 1o. I ta"ea #eep stea#ying breath& pi!" p the phone an# !all Roa!h. He ans%ers on these!on# ring. 2Ana.4 2Derry. It$s my father.4 2Ana& %hat happene#.4 I e9plain& barely pa sing to breathe. 20o. /f !o rse& yo m st go. I hope yo r father$s o"ay.4 2(han" yo . I$ll "eep yo informe#.4

Ina#'ertently I slam the phone #o%n&b t right no% !o l#n$t !are less. 2Hannah!4 I !all& a%are of the an9iety in my 'oi!e. Moments later she po"esher hea# aro n# the #oor to fin# me pa!"ing my p rse an# grabbing papers tost ff into my brief!ase. 25es& Ana.4 She fro%ns. 2My father has been in an a!!i#ent. I ha'e to go.4 2/h #ear;4 23an!el all my appointments to#ay. An# Mon#ay. 5o $ll ha'e to finish prep<ping the e<boo" presentation ;notes are in the share# file. 0et 3o rtney to help ifyo ha'e to.4 25es&4 Hannah %hispers. 2I hope he$s o"ay. Don$t %orry abo t anythinghere. -e$ll m ##le thro gh.4 2I ha'e my >la!">erry.4 (he !on!ern et!he# on her pin!he#& pale fa!e is almost my n#oing. Da##y. I grab my =a!"et& p rse& an# brief!ase. 2I$ll !all yo if I nee# anything.4 2Do& please. 0oo# l !"& Ana. Hope he$s o"ay.4 I gi'e her a small tight smile& fighting to maintain my !ompos re& an# e9itmy offi!e. I try har# not to r n all the %ay to re!eption. Sa%yer leaps to his feet%hen I arri'e. 2Mrs. 0rey.4 he as"s& !onf se# by my s ##en appearan!e. 2-e$re going to 6ortlan#;no%.4 2/"ay& ma$am&4 he says& fro%ning& b t opens the #oor. Mo'ing is goo#. EE7. EE8+55, 2Mrs. 0rey&4 Sa%yer as"s as %e ra!e to%ar# the par"ing lot. 23an I as" %hy%e$re ma"ing this ns!he# le# trip.4 2It$s my #a#. He$s been in an a!!i#ent.4 2I see. Does Mr. 0rey "no%.4 2I$ll !all him from the !ar.4 Sa%yer no#s an# opens the rear #oor to the A #i S?C& an# I !limb in. -ithsha"ing fingers& I rea!h for my >la!">erry& an# I #ial 3hristian$s !ell. 2Mrs. 0rey.4 An#rea$s 'oi!e is !risp an# b sinessli"e. 2Is 3hristian there.4 I breathe. 2?m . . . he$s some%here in the b il#ing& ma$am. He$s left his >la!">erry!harging %ith me.4 I groan silently %ith fr stration. 23an yo tell him I !alle#& an# that I nee# to spea" %ith him. It$s rgent.4 2I !o l# try an# tra!" him #o%n. He #oes ha'e a habit of %an#ering offsometimes.4 2D st get him to !all me& please&4 I beg& fighting ba!" tears. 23ertainly& Mrs. 0rey.4 She hesitates. 2Is e'erything all right.4 21o&4 I %hisper& not tr sting my 'oi!e. 26lease& = st get him to !all me.4 25es& ma$am.4 I hang p. I !annot !ontain my ang ish any longer. 6 lling my "nees p tomy !hest& I ! rl p on the rear seat& an# tears oo)e& n%el!ome& #o%n my !hee"s. 2-here in 6ortlan#& Mrs. 0rey.4 Sa%yer as"s gently. 2/HS?&4 I !ho"e o t. 2(he big hospital.4 Sa%yer p lls o t into the street an# hea#s for the I<5& %hile I "een softly inthe ba!" of the !ar& m ttering %or#less prayers. 6lease let him be o"ay. 6lease lethim be o"ay. My phone rings& 25o r @o'e Is Fing4 startling me from my mantra. 23hristian&4 I gasp. 23hrist& Ana. -hat$s %rong.4 2It$s Ray;he$s been in an a!!i#ent.4 2Shit!4 25es. I am on my %ay to 6ortlan#.4 26ortlan#. 6lease tell me Sa%yer is %ith yo .4 25es& he$s #ri'ing.4 2-here is Ray.4 EE:. E40+55, 2At /HS?.4 I hear a m ffle# 'oi!e in the ba!"gro n#. 25es& Ros&4 3hristian snaps an<grily. 2I "no%! Sorry& baby;I !an be there in abo t three ho rs. I ha'e b siness Inee# to finish here. I$ll fly #o%n.4 /h shit. 3harlie (ango is ba!" in !ommission an# last time 3hristian fle%her . . . 2I ha'e a meeting %ith some g ys o'er from (ai%an. I !an$t blo% them off.It$s a #eal %e$'e been hammering o t for months.4 -hy #o I "no% nothing abo t this. 2I$ll lea'e as soon as I !an.4 2/"ay&4 I %hisper. An# I %ant to say that

it$s o"ay& stay in Seattle& an# sorto t yo r b siness& b t the tr th is I %ant him %ith me. 2/h& baby&4 he %hispers. 2I$ll be o"ay& 3hristian. (a"e yo r time. Don$t r sh. I #on$t %ant to %orryabo t yo & too. Fly safely.4 2I %ill.4 2@o'e yo .4 2I lo'e yo & too& baby. I$ll be %ith yo as soon as I !an. Feep @ "e !lose.4 25es& I %ill.4 2I$ll see yo later.4 2>ye.4 After hanging p& I h g my "nees on!e more. I "no% nothing abo t3hristian$s b siness. -hat the hell is he #oing %ith the (ai%anese. I ga)e o t the%in#o% as %e pass >oeing Fiel#<Fing 3o nty Airport. He m st fly safely. Mystoma!h "nots ane% an# na sea threatens. Ray an# 3hristian. I #on$t thin" myheart !o l# ta"e that. @eaning ba!"& I start my mantra againL 6lease let him beo"ay. 6lease let him be o"ay.2Mrs. 0rey.4 Sa%yer$s 'oi!e ro ses me. 2-e$re on the hospital gro n#s. I = stha'e to fin# the ER.4 2I "no% %here it is.4 My min# flits ba!" to my last 'isit to /HS? %hen& onmy se!on# #ay& I fell off a stepla##er at 3layton$s& t%isting my an"le. I re!all 6a l3layton ho'ering o'er me an# sh ##er at the memory. Sa%yer p lls p to the #rop<off point an# leaps o t to open my #oor. EE*. E4,+55, 2I$ll go par"& ma$am& an# !ome fin# yo . @ea'e yo r brief!ase& I$ll bring it.4 2(han" yo & @ "e.4 He no#s& an# I %al" bris"ly into the b ))ing ER re!eption area. (he re!ep<tionist at the #es" gi'es me a polite smile& an# %ithin a fe% moments& she$s lo!<ate# Ray an# is sen#ing me to the /R on the thir# floor. /R. F !"! 2(han" yo &4 I m tter& trying to fo! s on her #ire!tions to the el<e'ators. My stoma!h l r!hes as I almost r n to%ar# them. @et him be o"ay. 6lease let him be o"ay. (he ele'ator is agoni)ingly slo%& stopping on ea!h floor. 3ome on . . . 3omeon! I %ill it to mo'e faster& s!o%ling at the people strolling in an# o t an# pre<'enting me from getting to my #a#. Finally& the #oors open on the thir# floor& an# I r sh to another re!eption#es"& this one staffe# by n rses in na'y niforms. 23an I help yo .4 as"s one offi!io s n rse %ith a myopi! stare. 2My father& Raymon# Steele. He$s = st been a#mitte#. He$s in /R<4& I thin".4E'en as I say the %or#s& I am %illing them not to be tr e. 2@et me !he!"& Miss Steele.4 I no#& not bothering to !orre!t her as she ga)es intently at her !omp ters!reen. 25es. He$s been in for a !o ple of ho rs. If yo $# li"e to %ait& I$ll let them"no% that yo $re here. (he %aiting room$s there.4 She points to%ar# a large %hite#oor helpf lly labele# -AI(I10 R//M in bol# bl e lettering. 2Is he o"ay.4 I as"& trying to "eep my 'oi!e stea#y. 25o $ll ha'e to %ait for one of the atten#ing #o!tor to brief yo & ma$am.4 2(han" yo &4 I m tter;b t insi#e I am s!reaming& I %ant to "no% no%! I open the #oor to re'eal a f n!tional& a stere %aiting room %here Mr.Ro#rig e) an# DosG are seate#. 2Ana!4 Mr. Ro#rig e) gasps. His arm is in a !ast& an# his !hee" is br ise# onone si#e. He$s in a %heel!hair %ith one of his legs in a !ast too. I gingerly %rapmy arms aro n# him. 2/h& Mr. Ro#rig e)&4 I sob. 2Ana& honey.4 He pats my ba!" %ith his nin= re# arm. 2I$m so sorry&4 hem mbles& his hoarse 'oi!e !ra!"ing. /h no. EE8. E4A+55, 21o& 6apa&4 DosG says softly in a#monishment as he ho'ers behin# me. -henI t rn& he p lls me into his arms an# hol#s me. 2DosG&4 I m tter. An# I$m lost;tears falling as all the tension& fear& an#hearta!he of

the last three ho rs s rfa!e. 2Hey& Ana& #on$t !ry.4 DosG gently stro"es my hair. I %rap my arms aro n#his ne!" an# softly %eep. -e stan# li"e this for ages& an# I$m so gratef l that myfrien# is here. -e p ll apart %hen Sa%yer =oins s in the %aiting room. Mr.Ro#rig e) han#s me a tiss e from a !on'eniently pla!e# bo9& an# I #ry my tears. 2(his is Mr. Sa%yer. Se! rity&4 I m rm r. Sa%yer no#s politely to DosG an#Mr. Ro#rig e) then mo'es to ta"e a seat in the !orner. 2Sit #o%n& Ana.4 DosG shers me to one of the 'inyl< !o'ere# arm!hairs. 2-hat happene#. Do %e "no% ho% he is. -hat are they #oing.4 DosG hol#s p his han#s to halt my barrage of B estions an# sits #o%n besi#eme. 2-e #on$t ha'e any ne%s. Ray& Da#& an# I %ere on a fishing trip to Astoria.-e %ere hit by some st pi# f !"ing #r n";4 Mr. Ro#rig e) tries to interr pt& stammering an apology. 23[lmate& 6apa!4 DosG snaps. 2I #on$t ha'e a mar" on me& = st a !o ple ofbr ise# ribs an# a "no!" on the hea#. Da# . . . %ell& Da# bro"e his %rist an# an"le.> t the !ar hit the passenger si#e an# Ray.4 /h no& no . . . 6ani! s%amps my limbi! system again. 1o& no& no. My bo#ysh ##ers an# !hills as I imagine %hat$s happening to Ray in the /R. 2He$s in s rgery. -e %ere ta"en to the !omm nity hospital in Astoria& b tthey airlifte# Ray here. -e #on$t "no% %hat they$re #oing. -e$re %aiting forne%s.4 I start to sha"e. 2Hey& Ana& yo !ol#.4 I no#. I$m in my %hite slee'eless shirt an# bla!" s mmer =a!"et& an# neitherpro'i#es %armth. 0ingerly& DosG p lls off his leather =a!"et an# %raps it aro n#my sho l#ers. 2Shall I get yo some tea& ma$am.4 Sa%yer is by my si#e. I no# gratef lly&an# he #isappears from the room. 2-hy %ere yo fishing in Astoria.4 I as". DosG shr gs. 2(he fishing$s s ppose# to be goo# there. -e %ere ha'ing aboys$ get<together. Some bon#ing time %ith my ol# man before a!a#emia heats E40. E4E+55, p for my final year.4 DosG$s #ar" eyes are large an# l mino s %ith fear an#regret. 25o !o l# ha'e been h rt& too. An# Mr. Ro#rig e) . . . %orse.4 I g lp at thetho ght. My bo#y temperat re #rops f rther& an# I shi'er on!e more. DosG ta"esmy han#. 2Hell& Ana& yo $re free)ing.4 Mr. Ro#rig e) in!hes for%ar# an# ta"es my other han# in his goo# one. 2Ana& I am so sorry.4 2Mr. Ro#rig e)& please. It %as an a!!i#ent . . .4 My 'oi!e fa#es to a %hisper. 23all me DosG&4 he !orre!ts me. I gi'e him a %ea" smile& be!a se that$s all I!an manage. I shi'er on!e more. 2(he poli!e too" the asshole into ! sto#y. Se'en in the morning an# the g y%as o t of his s" ll&4 DosG hisses in #isg st. Sa%yer reenters& bearing a paper ! p of hot %ater an# a separate teabag. He"no%s ho% I ta"e my tea! I$m s rprise#& an# gla# for the #istra!tion. Mr. Ro#rig< e) an# DosG release my han#s as I gratef lly ta"e the ! p from Sa%yer. 2Do either of yo %ant anything.4 Sa%yer as"s Mr. Ro#rig e) an# DosG.(hey both sha"e their hea#s& an# Sa%yer res mes his seat in the !orner. I # n"my teabag in the %ater an#& rising sha"ily& #ispose of the se# bag in a smalltrash!an. 2-hat$s ta"ing them so long.4 I m tter to no one in parti! lar as I ta"e a sip. Da##y . . . 6lease let him be o"ay. 6lease let him be o"ay. 2-e$ll "no% soon eno gh& Ana&4 DosG says gently. I no# an# ta"e another sip.I ta"e my seat again besi#e him. -e %ait . . . an# %ait. Mr. Ro#rig e) %ith hiseyes !lose#& praying I thin"& an# DosG hol#ing my han# an# sB ee)ing it e'eryno% an# then. I slo%ly sip my tea. It$s not (%inings&

b t some !heap nasty bran#&an# it tastes #isg sting. I remember the last time I %aite# for ne%s. (he last time I tho ght all %aslost %hen 3harlie (ango %ent missing. 3losing my eyes& I offer p a silent prayerfor the safe passage of my h sban#. I glan!e at my %at!hL AL,5 p.m. He sho l# behere soon. My tea is !ol# . . . ?gh! I stan# p an# pa!e then sit #o%n again. -hy ha'en$t the #o!tors been to seeme. I ta"e DosG$s han#& an# he gi'es mine another reass ring sB ee)e. 6lease lethim be o"ay. 6lease let him be o"ay. (ime !ra%ls so slo%ly. E4,. E44+55, S ##enly the #oor opens& an# %e all glan!e p e9pe!tantly& my stoma!h"notting. Is this it. 3hristian stri#es in. His fa!e #ar"ens momentarily %hen he noti!es my han#in DosG$s. 23hristian!4 I gasp an# leap p& than"ing 0o# he$s arri'e# safely. (hen I$m%rappe# in his arms& his nose in my hair& an# I$m inhaling his s!ent& his %armth&his lo'e. A small part of me feels !almer& stronger& an# more resilient be!a sehe$s here. /h& the #ifferen!e his presen!e ma"es to my pea!e of min#. 2Any ne%s.4 I sha"e my hea#& nable to spea". 2DosG.4 He no#s a greeting. 23hristian& this is my father& DosG Senior.4 2Mr. Ro#rig e);%e met at the %e##ing. I ta"e it yo %ere in the a!!i#ent&too.4 DosG briefly retells the story. 2Are yo both %ell eno gh to be here.4 3hristian as"s. 2-e #on$t %ant to be any%here else&4 Mr. Ro#rig e) says& his 'oi!e B ietan# la!e# %ith pain. 3hristian no#s. (a"ing my han#& he sits me #o%n then ta"esa seat besi#e me. 2Ha'e yo eaten.4 he as"s. I sha"e my hea#. 2Are yo h ngry.4 I sha"e my hea#. 2> t yo $re !ol#.4 he as"s& eyeing DosG$s =a!"et. I no#. He shifts in his !hair& b t %isely says nothing. (he #oor opens again& an# a yo ng #o!tor in bright bl e s!r bs enters. Heloo"s e9ha ste# an# harro%e#. All the bloo# #isappears from my hea# as I st mble to my feet. 2Ray Steele&4 I %hisper as 3hristian stan#s besi#e me& p tting his arm aro n#my %aist. 25o $re his ne9t of "in.4 the #o!tor as"s. His bright bl e eyes almost mat!hhis s!r bs& an# n#er any other !ir! mstan!es I %o l# ha'e fo n# him attra!ti'e. 2I$m his #a ghter& Ana.4 2Miss Steele;4 2Mrs. 0rey&4 3hristian interr pts him. E4A. E45+55, 2My apologies&4 the #o!tor stammers& an# for a moment I %ant to "i!" 3hris<tian. 2I$m Do!tor 3ro%e. 5o r father is stable& b t in a !riti!al !on#ition.4 -hat #oes that mean. My "nees b !"le beneath me& an# only 3hristian$ss pporting arm pre'ents me from falling to the floor. 2He s ffere# se'ere internal in= ries&4 Dr. 3ro%e says& 2prin!ipally to his #ia<phragm& b t %e$'e manage# to repair them& an# %e %ere able to sa'e his spleen.?nfort nately& he s ffere# a !ar#ia! arrest # ring the operation be!a se of bloo#loss. -e manage# to get his heart going again& b t this remains a !on!ern.Ho%e'er& o r gra'est !on!ern is that he s ffere# se'ere !ont sions to the hea#&an# the MRI sho%s that he has s%elling in his brain. -e$'e in# !e# a !oma to"eep him B iet an# still %hile %e monitor the brain s%elling.4 >rain #amage. 1o. 2It$s stan#ar# pro!e# re in these !ases. For no%& %e = st ha'e to %ait an#see.4 2An# %hat$s the prognosis.4 3hristian as"s !oolly. 2Mr. 0rey& it$s #iffi! lt to say at the moment. It$s possible he !o l# ma"e a!omplete re!o'ery& b t that$s in 0o#$s han#s no%.4 2Ho% long %ill yo "eep him in a !oma.4 2(hat #epen#s on ho% his brain respon#s.

?s ally se'enty<t%o to ninety<si9ho rs.4 /h& so long! 23an I see him.4 I %hisper. 25es& yo sho l# be able to see him in abo t half an ho r. He$s been ta"en tothe I3? on the si9th floor.4 2(han" yo & Do!tor.4 Dr. 3ro%e no#s& t rns an# lea'es s. 2-ell& he$s ali'e&4 I %hisper to 3hristian. An# the tears start to roll #o%n myfa!e on!e more. 2Sit #o%n&4 3hristian or#ers gently. 26apa& I thin" %e sho l# go. 5o nee# to rest. -e %on$t "no% anything for a%hile&4 DosG m rm rs to Mr. Ro#rig e) %ho ga)es blan"ly at his son. 2-e !an!ome ba!" this e'ening& after yo $'e reste#. (hat$s o"ay& isn$t it& Ana.4 DosGt rns& imploring me. 2/f !o rse.4 2Are yo staying in 6ortlan#.4 3hristian as"s. DosG no#s. 2Do yo nee# a ri#e home.4 E4E. E47+55, DosG fro%ns. 2I %as going to or#er a !ab.4 2@ "e !an ta"e yo .4 Sa%yer stan#s& an# DosG loo"s !onf se#. 2@ "e Sa%yer&4 I m rm r in !larifi!ation. 2/h . . . S re. 5eah& %e$# appre!iate it. (han"s& 3hristian.4 Stan#ing& I h g Mr. Ro#rig e) an# DosG in B i!" s !!ession. 2Stay strong& Ana&4 DosG %hispers in my ear. 2He$s a fit an# healthy man.(he o##s are in his fa'or.4 2I hope so.4 I h g him har#. (hen& releasing him& I shr g off his =a!"et han#it ba!" to him. 2Feep it& if yo $re still !ol#.4 21o& I$m o"ay. (han"s.4 0lan!ing ner'o sly p at 3hristian& I see that he$sregar#ing s impassi'ely. 3hristian ta"es my han#. 2If there$s any !hange& I$ll let yo "no% right a%ay&4 I say as DosG p shes hisfather$s %heel!hair to%ar# the #oor Sa%yer is hol#ing open. Mr. Ro#rig e) raises his han#& an# they pa se in the #oor%ay. 2He$ll be inmy prayers& Ana.4 His 'oi!e %a'ers. 2It$s been so goo# to re!onne!t %ith himafter all these years. He$s be!ome a goo# frien#.4 2I "no%.4 An# %ith that they lea'e. 3hristian an# I are alone. He !aresses my !hee".25o $re pale. 3ome here.4 He sits #o%n on the !hair an# p lls me on to his lap&fol#ing me into his arms again& an# I go %illingly. I sn ggle p against him& feel<ing oppresse# by my stepfather$s misfort ne& b t gratef l that my h sban# is hereto !omfort me. He gently stro"es my hair an# hol#s my han#. 2Ho% %as 3harlie (ango.4 I as". He grins. 2/h& she %as yar&4 he says& B iet pri#e in his 'oi!e. It ma"es mesmile properly for the first time in se'eral ho rs& an# I glan!e at him& p ))le#. 25ar.4 2It$s a line from (he 6hila#elphia Story. 0ra!e$s fa'orite film.4 2I #on$t "no% it.4 2I thin" I ha'e it on >l <Ray at home. -e !an %at!h it an# ma"e o t.4 He"isses my hair an# I smile on!e more. 23an I pers a#e yo to eat something.4 he as"s. My smile #isappears. 21ot no%. I %ant to see Ray first.4 His sho l#ers sl mp& b t he #oesn$t p sh me. E44. E4:+55, 2Ho% %ere the (ai%anese.4 2Amenable&4 he says. 2Amenable ho%.4 2(hey let my b y their shipyar# for less than the pri!e I %as %illing to pay.4 He$s bo ght a shipyar#. 2(hat$s goo#.4 25es. (hat$s goo#.4 2> t I tho ght yo ha# a shipyar#& o'er here.4 2I #o. -e$re going to se that to #o the fitting<o t. > il# the h lls in the FarEast. It$s !heaper.4 /h. 2-hat abo t the %or"for!e at the shipyar# here.4 2-e$ll re#eploy. -e sho l# be able to "eep re# n#an!ies to a minim m.4 He"isses my hair. 2Shall %e !he!" on Ray.4 he as"s& his 'oi!e soft.(he I3? on the si9th floor is a star"& sterile& f n!tional %ar# %ith %hispere#'oi!es an# bleeping ma!hinery. Fo r patients are ea!h ho se# in their o%nseparate hi<te!h area. Ray is at the far en#.

Da##y. He loo"s so small in his large be#& s rro n#e# by all this te!hnology. It$s asho!". My #a# has ne'er been so #iminishe#. (here$s a t be in his mo th& an#'ario s lines pass thro gh #rips into a nee#le in ea!h arm. A small !lamp is at<ta!he# to his finger. I %on#er 'ag ely %hat that$s for. His leg is on top of thesheets& en!ase# in a bl e !ast. A monitor #isplays his heart rateL beep& beep& beep.It$s beating strong an# stea#y. (his I "no%. I mo'e slo%ly to%ar# him. His !hestis !o'ere# in a large& pristine ban#age that #isappears beneath the thin sheet thatprote!ts his mo#esty. Da##y. I reali)e that the t be p lling at the right !orner of his mo th lea#s to a 'entil<ator. Its noise is %ea'ing %ith the beep& beep& beep of his heart monitor into a per< ! ssi'e rhythmi! beat. S !"ing& e9pelling& s !"ing& e9pelling& s !"ing& e9pellingin time %ith the beeps. (here are fo r lines on the s!reen of his heart monitor&ea!h mo'ing stea#ily a!ross& #emonstrating !learly that Ray is still %ith s. /h& Da##y. E45. E4*+55, E'en tho gh his mo th is #istorte# by the 'entilator t be& he loo"s pea!ef l&lying there fast asleep. A petite yo ng n rse stan#s to one si#e& !he!"ing his monitors. 23an I to !h him.4 I as" her& tentati'ely rea!hing for his han#. 25es.4 She smiles "in#ly. Her ba#ge says FE@@IE R1& an# she m st be in hert%enties. She$s blon#e %ith #ar"& #ar" eyes. 3hristian stan#s at the en# of the be#& %at!hing me !aref lly as I !lasp Ray$shan#. It$s s rprisingly %arm& an# that$s my n#oing. I sin" on to the !hair by thebe#& pla!e my hea# gently against Ray$s arm& an# start to sob. 2/h& Da##y. 6lease get better&4 I %hisper. 26lease.4 3hristian p ts his han# on my sho l#er an# gi'es it a reass ring sB ee)e. 2All Mr. Steele$s 'itals are goo#&4 1 rse Fellie says B ietly. 2(han" yo &4 3hristian m rm rs. I glan!e p in time to see her gape. She$sfinally gotten a goo# loo" at my h sban#. I #on$t !are. She !an gape at 3hristianall she li"es as long as she ma"es my father %ell again. 23an he hear me.4 I as". 2He$s in a #eep sleep. > t %ho "no%s.4 23an I sit for a %hile.4 2S re thing.4 She smiles at me& her !hee"s pin" from a telltale bl sh. In!on<gr o sly& I fin# myself thin"ing blon# is not her tr e !olor. 3hristian ga)es #o%n at me& ignoring her. 2I nee# to ma"e a !all. I$ll be o t< si#e. I$ll gi'e yo some alone time %ith yo r #a#.4I no#. He "isses my hair an#%al"s o t of the room. I hol# Ray$s han#& mar'eling at the irony that it$s onlyno% %hen he$s n!ons!io s an# !an$t hear me that I really %ant to tell him ho%m !h I lo'e him. (his man has been my !onstant. My ro!". An# I$'e ne'ertho ght abo t it ntil no%. I$m not flesh of his flesh& b t he$s my #a#& an# I lo'ehim so 'ery m !h. My tears trail #o%n my !hee"s. 6lease& please get better. Cery B ietly& so as not to #ist rb anyone& I tell him abo t o r %ee"en# inAspen an# abo t last %ee"en# %hen %e %ere soaring an# sailing aboar# (he0ra!e. I tell him abo t o r ne% ho se& o r plans& abo t ho% %e hope to ma"e ite!ologi!ally s stainable. I promise to ta"e him %ith s to Aspen so he !an go fish<ing %ith 3hristian an# ass re him that Mr. Ro#rig e) an# DosG %ill both be %el<!ome& too. 6lease be here to #o that& Da##y. 6lease. Ray remains immobile& the 'entilator s !"ing an# e9pelling an# the mono<tono s b t reass ring beep& beep& beep of his heart monitor his only response.

E47. E48+55, -hen I loo" p& 3hristian is sitting B ietly at the en# of the be#. I #on$t "no%ho% long he$s been there. 2Hi&4 he says& his eyes glo%ing %ith !ompassion an# !on!ern. 2Hi.4 2So& I$m going fishing %ith yo r #a#& Mr. Ro#rig e)& an# DosG.4 he as"s. I no#. 2/"ay. @et$s go eat. @et him sleep.4 I fro%n. I #on$t %ant to lea'e him. 2Ana& he$s in a !oma. I$'e gi'en o r !ell n mbers to the n rses here. Ifthere$s any !hange& they$ll !all s. -e$ll eat& !he!" into a hotel& rest p& then!ome ba!" this e'ening.4(he s ite at the Heathman loo"s = st as I remember it. Ho% often ha'e I tho ghtabo t that first night an# morning I spent %ith 3hristian 0rey. I stan# in the en< tran!e to the s ite& paraly)e#. Dee)& it all starte# here. 2Home a%ay from home&4 says 3hristian& his 'oi!e soft& p tting my brief!ase#o%n besi#e one of the o'erst ffe# !o !hes. 2Do yo %ant a sho%er. A bath. -hat #o yo nee#& Ana.4 3hristian ga)esat me& an# I "no% he$s r ##erless;my lost boy #ealing %ith e'ents beyon# his!ontrol. He$s been %ith#ra%n an# !ontemplati'e all afternoon. (his is a sit ationhe !annot manip late an# pre#i!t. (his is real life in the ra%& an# he$s "ept him<self from that for so long& he$s e9pose# an# helpless no%. My s%eet& sheltere#Fifty Sha#es. 2A bath. I$# li"e a bath.4 I m rm r& a%are that "eeping him b sy %ill ma"ehim feel better& sef l e'en. /h& 3hristian;I$m n mb an# I$m !ol# an# I$ms!are#& b t I$m so gla# yo $re here %ith me. 2>ath. 0oo#. 5es.4 He stri#es into the be#room an# o t of sight into the pala<tial bathroom. A fe% moments later& the roar of %ater g shing to fill the t be!hoes from the room. Finally& I gal'ani)e myself to follo% him into the be#room. I$m #ismaye# tosee se'eral bags from 1or#strom on the be#. 3hristian reenters& slee'es rolle# p&tie an# =a!"et #is!ar#e#. E4:. E50+55, 2I sent (aylor to get some things. 1ight%ear. 5o "no%&4 he says& eyeing me%arily. /f !o rse he #i#. I no# my appro'al to ma"e him feel better. -here is(aylor. 2/h& Ana&4 3hristian m rm rs. 2I$'e not seen yo li"e this. 5o $re normallyso bra'e an# strong.4 I #on$t "no% %hat to say. I merely ga)e %i#e<eye# at him. I ha'e nothing togi'e right no%. I thin" I$m in sho!". I %rap my arms aro n# myself& trying to"eep the per'a#ing !ol# at bay& e'en tho gh I "no% it$s a fr itless tas" as this !ol#!omes from %ithin. 3hristian p lls me into his arms. 2>aby& he$s ali'e. His 'ital signs are goo#. -e = st ha'e to be patient&4 hem rm rs. 23ome.4 He ta"es my han# an# lea#s me into the bathroom. 0ently& heslips my =a!"et off my sho l#ers an# pla!es it on the bathroom !hair& then t rningba!"& he n#oes the b ttons on my shirt.(he %ater is #eli!io sly %arm an# fragrant& the smell of lot s blossom hea'y inthe %arm& s ltry air of the bathroom. I lie bet%een 3hristian$s legs& my ba!" to hisfront& my feet resting on top of his. -e$re both B iet an# introspe!ti'e& an# I$m fi<nally feeling %arm. Intermittently 3hristian "isses my hair as I absentmin#e#lypop the b bbles in the foam. His arm is %rappe# aro n# my sho l#ers. 25o #i#n$t get into the bath %ith @eila& #i# yo . (hat time yo bathe# her.4I as". He stiffens an# snorts& his han# tightening on my sho l#er %here it rests.2?m . . . no.4 He so n#s asto n#e#. 2I tho ght so. 0oo#.4 He t gs gently at my hair "notte# in a !r #e b n& tilting my hea# aro n# sohe !an see my fa!e. 2-hy #o yo as".4 I shr g. 2Morbi# ! riosity. I #on$t "no% . . . seeing her this %ee".4 His fa!e

har#ens. 2I see. @ess of the morbi#.4 His tone is reproa!hf l. 2Ho% long are yo going to s pport her. 2?ntil she$s on her feet. I #on$t "no%.4 He shr gs. 2-hy.4 2Are there others.4 2/thers.4 E4*. E5,+55, 2E9es %ho yo s pport.4 2(here %as one& yes. 1o longer tho gh.4 2/h.4 2She %as st #ying to be a #o!tor. She$s B alifie# no% an# has someoneelse.4 2Another Dominant.4 25es.4 2@eila says yo ha'e t%o of her paintings&4 I %hisper. 2I se# to. I #i#n$t really !are for them. (hey ha# te!hni!al merit& b t they%ere too !olorf l for me. I thin" Elliot has them. As %e "no%& he has no taste.4 I giggle& an# he %raps his other arm aro n# me& sloshing %ater o'er the si#eof the bath. 2(hat$s better&4 he %hispers an# "isses my temple. 2He$s marrying my best frien#.4 2(hen I$# better sh t my mo th&4 he says.I feel more rela9e# after o r bath. -rappe# in my soft Heathman robe& I ga)e atthe 'ario s bags on the be#. Dee)& this m st be more than night%ear. (entati'ely& Ipee" into one. A pair of =eans an# a pale bl e hoo#e# s%eatshirt& my si)e. Holy!o% . . . (aylor$s bo ght a %hole %ee"en#$s %orth of !lothes& an# he "no%s %hatI li"e. I smile& remembering this is not the first time he$s shoppe# for !lothes forme %hen I %as at the Heathman. 2Apart from harassing me at 3layton$s& ha'e yo e'er a!t ally gone into astore an# = st bo ght st ff.4 2Harassing yo .4 25es. Harassing me.4 25o %ere fl stere#& if I re!all. An# that yo ng boy %as all o'er yo . -hat%as his name.4 26a l.4 2/ne of yo r many a#mirers.4 I roll my eyes& an# he smiles a relie'e#& gen ine smile an# "isses me. 2(here$s my girl&4 he %hispers. 20et #resse#. I #on$t %ant yo getting !ol#again.4 E48. E5A+55,2Rea#y&4 I m rm r. 3hristian is %or"ing on the Ma! in the st #y area of the s ite.He$s #resse# in bla!" =eans an# a gray !able<"nit s%eater& an# I$m %earing the=eans& the hoo#ie& an# a %hite (<shirt. 25o loo" so yo ng&4 3hristian says softly& glan!ing p& his eyes glo%ing.2An# to thin" yo $ll be a %hole year ol#er tomorro%.4 His 'oi!e is %istf l. I gi'ehim a sa# smile. 2I #on$t feel m !h li"e !elebrating. 3an %e go see Ray no%.4 2S re. I %ish yo $# eat something. 5o barely to !he# yo r foo#.4 23hristian& please. I$m = st not h ngry. Maybe after %e$'e seen Ray. I %antto %ish him goo#night.4As %e arri'e at the I3?& %e meet DosG lea'ing. He$s alone. 2Ana& 3hristian& hi.4 2-here$s yo r #a#.4 2He %as too tire# to !ome ba!". He %as in a !ar a!!i#ent this morning&4 DosGgrins r ef lly. 2An# his pain"illers ha'e "i!"e# in. He %as o t for the !o nt. I ha#to fight to get in to see Ray sin!e I$m not ne9t of "in.4 2An#.4 I as" an9io sly. 2He$s goo#& Ana. Same . . . b t all goo#.4 Relief floo#s my system. 1o ne%s is goo# ne%s. 2See yo tomorro%& birth#ay girl.4 2S re. -e$ll be here.4 DosG eyes 3hristian B i!"ly then p lls me into a brief h g. 2Ma\ana.4 20oo#night& DosG.4 20oo#< bye& DosG&4 3hristian says. DosG no#s an# %al"s #o%n the !orri#or.2He$s still n ts abo t yo &4 3hristian says B ietly. 21o he$s not. An# e'en if he is . . .4 I shr g be!a se right no% I = st #on$t!are. 3hristian gi'es me a tight smile& an# my heart melts. 2-ell #one&4 I m rm r. He fro%ns. 2For not frothing at the mo th.4

E50. E5E+55, He gapes at me& %o n#e#;b t am se#& too. 2I$'e ne'er frothe#. @et$s seeyo r #a#. I ha'e a s rprise for yo .4 2S rprise.4 My eyes %i#en in alarm. 23ome.4 3hristian ta"es my han#& an# %e p sh open the #o ble #oors of theI3?. Stan#ing at the en# of Ray$s be# is 0ra!e& #eep in #is! ssion %ith 3ro%e an#a se!on# #o!tor& a %oman I$'e not seen before. Seeing s& 0ra!e grins. /h& than" hea'ens. 23hristian.4 She "isses his !hee"& then t rns to me an# fol#s me in her %armembra!e. 2Ana. Ho% are yo hol#ing p.4 2I$m fine. It$s my father I$m %orrie# abo t.4 2He$s in goo# han#s. Do!tor Sl #er is an e9pert in her fiel#. -e traine# to<gether at 5ale.4 /h . . . 2Mrs. 0rey&4 Dr. Sl #er greets me 'ery formally. She$s short<haire# an# elfin%ith a shy smile an# a soft so thern a!!ent. 2As the lea# physi!ian for yo r father&I$m please# to tell yo that all is on tra!". His 'ital signs are stable an# strong. -eha'e e'ery faith that he$ll ma"e a !omplete re!o'ery. (he brain s%elling hasstoppe#& an# sho%s signs of #e!reasing. (his is 'ery en!o raging after s !h ashort time.4 2(hat$s goo# ne%s&4 I m rm r. She smiles %armly at me. 2It is& Mrs. 0rey. -e$re ta"ing real goo# !are ofhim.4 20reat to see yo again& 0ra!e.4 0ra!e smiles. 2@i"e%ise& @orraina.4 2Dr. 3ro%e& let$s lea'e these goo# people to 'isit %ith Mr. Steele.4 3ro%efollo%s in Dr. Sl #er$s %a"e to the e9it. I glan!e o'er at Ray& an# for the first time sin!e his a!!i#ent& I feel morehopef l. Dr. Sl #er an# 0ra!e$s "in# %or#s ha'e re"in#le# my hope. 0ra!e ta"es my han# an# sB ee)es gently. 2Ana& s%eetheart& sit %ith him.(al" to him. It$s all goo#. I$ll 'isit %ith 3hristian in the %aiting room.4 I no#. 3hristian smiles his reass ran!e& an# he an# his mother lea'e me %ithmy belo'e# father sleeping pea!ef lly to the gentle l llaby of his 'entilator an#heart monitor. E5,. E54+55,I slip 3hristian$s %hite (<shirt on an# get into be#. 25o seem brighter&4 3hristian says !a tio sly as he p lls on his pa=amas. 25es. I thin" tal"ing to Dr. Sl #er an# yo r mom ma#e a big #ifferen!e. Di#yo as" 0ra!e to !ome here.4 3hristian sli#es into be# an# p lls me into his arms& t rning me to fa!e a%ayfrom him. 21o. She %ante# to !ome an# !he!" on yo r #a# herself.4 2Ho% #i# she "no%.4 2I !alle# her this morning.4 /h. 2>aby& yo $re e9ha ste#. 5o sho l# sleep.4 2Hmm&4 I m rm r in agreement. He$s right. I$m so tire#. It$s been an emo<tional #ay. I !rane my hea# aro n# an# ga)e at him a beat. -e$re not going toma"e lo'e. An# I$m relie'e#. In fa!t& he$s ha# a totally han#s<off approa!h %ithme all #ay. I %on#er if I sho l# be alarme# by this t rn of e'ents& b t sin!e my in<ner go##ess has left the b il#ing an# ta"en my libi#o %ith her& I$ll thin" abo t itin the morning. I t rn o'er an# sn ggle against 3hristian& %rapping my leg o'erhis. 26romise me something&4 he says softly. 2Hmm.4 It$s a B estion that I am too tire# to arti! late. 26romise me yo $ll eat something tomorro%. I !an = st abo t tolerate yo %earing another man$s =a!"et %itho t frothing at the mo th& b t& Ana . . . yo m st eat. 6lease.4 2Hmm&4 I a!B ies!e. He "isses my hair. 2(han" yo for being here&4 Im mble an# sleepily "iss his !hest. 2-here else %o l# I be. I %ant to be %here'er yo are& Ana. >eing herema"es me thin" of ho% far %e$'e !ome. An# the night I first slept %ith yo . -hata night that %as. I %at!he# yo for ho rs. 5o %ere = st . . . yar&4 he breathes. Ismile

against his !hest. 2Sleep&4 he m rm rs& an# it$s a !omman#. I !lose my eyes an# #rift. E5A. I stir& opening my eyes to a bright September morning. -arm an# !omfortablebet%een !lean& !risp sheets& I ta"e a moment to orientate myself an# am o'er<%helme# by a sense of #G=a ' . /f !o rse& I$m at the Heathman. 2Shit! Da##y!4 I gasp o t lo #& re!alling %ith a g t<%ren!hing s rge of ap< prehension that t%ists my heart an# starts it po n#ing %hy I$m in 6ortlan#. 2Hey.4 3hristian is sitting on the e#ge of the be#. He stro"es my !hee" %ithhis "n !"les& instantly !alming me. 2I !alle# the I3? this morning. Ray ha# agoo# night. It$s all goo#&4 he says reass ringly. 2/h& goo#. (han" yo &4 I m tter& sitting p. E5E. E57+55, He leans in an# presses his lips to my forehea#. 20oo# morning& Ana&4 he%hispers an# "isses my temple. 2Hi&4 I m tter. He$s p an# #resse# in a bla!" (<shirt an# bl e =eans. 2Hi&4 he replies& his eyes soft an# %arm. 2I %ant to %ish yo happy birth#ay.Is that o"ay.4 I offer him a tentati'e smile an# !aress his !hee". 25es& of !o rse. (han"yo . For e'erything.4 His bro% f rro%s. 2E'erything.4 2E'erything.4 He loo"s momentarily !onf se#& b t it$s fleeting an# his eyes %i#en %ith an<ti!ipation. 2Here.4 He han#s me a small& e9B isitely %rappe# bo9 %ith a tiny gift!ar#. In spite of the %orry I feel abo t my father& I sense 3hristian$s an9iety an#e9!itement& an# it$s infe!tio s. I rea# the !ar#. /h my& ho% s%eet is that. 2I lo'e yo & too&4 I m rm r& smiling at him. He grins. 2/pen it.4 ?n%rapping the paper !aref lly so it #oesn$t tear& I fin# a bea tif l re# leath< er bo9. 3artier. It$s familiar& than"s to my se!on#<!han!e earrings an# my %at!h.3a tio sly& I open the bo9 to #is!o'er a #eli!ate !harm bra!elet of sil'er& or plat<in m or %hite gol#;I #on$t "no%& b t it$s absol tely en!hanting. Atta!he# to itare se'eral !harmsL the Eiffel (o%er& a @on#on bla!" !ab& a heli!opter;3harlie(ango& a gli#er;the soaring& a !atamaran; (he 0ra!e& a be#& an# an i!e !ream!one. I loo" p at him& bem se#. 2Canilla.4 He shr gs apologeti!ally& an# I !an$t help b t la gh. /f !o rse. 23hristian& this is bea tif l. (han" yo . It$s yar.4 E54. E5:+55, He grins. My fa'orite is the heart. It$s a lo!"et. 25o !an p t a pi!t re or %hate'er in that.4 2A pi!t re of yo .4 I glan!e at him thro gh my lashes. 2Al%ays in my heart.4 He smiles his lo'ely& heartbrea"ingly shy smile. I fon#le the last t%o !harmsL a letter 3;oh yes& I %as his first girlfrien# to se his first name. I smile at the tho ght. An# finally& there$s a "ey. 2(o my heart an# so l&4 he %hispers. (ears pri!" my eyes. I la n!h myself at him& ! rling my arms aro n# hisne!" an# settling into his lap. 2It$s s !h a tho ghtf l present. I lo'e it. (han"yo &4 I m rm r against his ear. /h& he smells so goo#;!lean& of fresh linen& bo#y%ash& an# 3hristian. @i"e home& my home. My threatene# tears begin to fall. He groans softly an# enfol#s me in his embra!e. 2I #on$t "no% %hat I$# #o %itho t yo .4 My 'oi!e !ra!"s as I try to hol#ba!" the o'er%helming s%ell of emotion. He s%allo%s har# an# tightens his hol# on me. 26lease #on$t !ry.4 I sniff in a rather nla#yli"e %ay. 2I$m sorry. I$m = st so happy an# sa# an#an9io s at the same

time. It$s bitters%eet.4 2Hey.4 His 'oi!e is feather soft. (ipping my hea# ba!"& he plants a gentle"iss on my lips. 2I n#erstan#.4 2I "no%&4 I %hisper& an# I$m re%ar#e# %ith his shy smile again. 2I %ish %e %ere in happier !ir! mstan!es an# at home. > t %e$re here.4 Heshr gs apologeti!ally on!e more. 23ome& p yo go. After brea"fast& %e$ll !he!"on Ray.4/n!e #resse# in my ne% =eans an# (<shirt& my appetite ma"es a brief b t %el!omeret rn # ring brea"fast in o r s ite. I "no% 3hristian is please# to see me eatingmy granola an# 0ree" yog rt. 2(han" yo for or#ering my fa'orite brea"fast.4 2It$s yo r birth#ay&4 3hristian says softly. 2An# yo ha'e to stop than"ingme.4 He rolls his eyes in e9asperation& b t fon#ly& I thin". 2I = st %ant yo to "no% that I appre!iate it.4 E55. E5*+55, 2Anastasia& it$s %hat I #o.4 His e9pression is serio s;of !o rse& 3hristian in!omman# an# !ontrol. Ho% !o l# I forget . . . -o l# I %ant him any other %ay. I smile. 25es& it is.4 He gi'es me a p ))le# loo" then sha"es his hea#. 2Shall %e go.4 2I$ll = st br sh my teeth.4 He smir"s. 2/"ay.4 -hy is he smir"ing. (he tho ght nags me as I hea# into the en s ite. Amemory springs nbi##en to my min#. I se# his toothbr sh after I first spent thenight %ith him. I smir" an# grab his toothbr sh in homage to that first time. 0a)<ing at myself as I br sh my teeth& I$m pale& too pale. > t then I$m al%ays pale.(he last time I %as here I %as single& an# no% I$m marrie# at t%enty<t%o! I$mgetting ol#. I rinse o t my mo th. Hol#ing p my %rist& I sha"e it& an# the !harms on my bra!elet gi'e a satisfy<ing rattle. Ho% #oes my s%eet Fifty al%ays "no% e9a!tly the right thing to gi'eme. I ta"e a #eep breath& attempting to stem the emotion still l r"ing in my sys<tem& an# ga)e #o%n at the bra!elet on!e more. I bet it !ost a fort ne. Ah . . . %ell.He !an affor# it. As %e %al" to the ele'ators& 3hristian ta"es my han# an# "isses my "n !"les&his th mb br shing o'er 3harlie (ango on my bra!elet. 25o li"e.4 2More than li"e. I lo'e it. Cery m !h. @i"e yo .4 He smiles an# "isses my "n !"les on!e more. I feel lighter than I #i# yester<#ay. 6erhaps be!a se it$s morning an# the %orl# al%ays seems a more hopef lpla!e than it #oes in the #ea# of night. /r maybe it$s my h sban#$s s%eet %a"e< p. /r maybe it$s "no%ing that Ray is no %orse. As %e step into the empty ele'ator& I glan!e p at 3hristian. His eyes fli!"erB i!"ly #o%n to mine& an# he smir"s again. 2Don$t&4 he %hispers as the #oors sh t. 2Don$t %hat.4 2@oo" at me li"e that.4 2F !" the paper%or"&4 I m tter& grinning. He la ghs& an# it$s s !h a !arefree& boyish so n#. He t gs me into his armsan# tilts my hea# p. 2Some#ay& I$ll rent this ele'ator for a %hole afternoon.4 2D st the afternoon.4 I ar!h my bro%. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo are gree#y.4 2-hen it !omes to yo & I am.4 E57. E58+55, 2I$m 'ery gla# to hear it.4 He "isses me gently. An# I #on$t "no% if it$s be!a se %e are in this ele'ator or be!a se he$s notto !he# me in o'er t%enty<fo r ho rs or if he$s = st my into9i!ating h sban#& b t#esire n%in#s an# stret!hes la)ily #eep in my belly. I r n my fingers into his hairan# #eepen the "iss& p shing him against the %all an# bringing my bo#y fl shagainst his. He groans into my mo th an# ! ps my hea#& !ra#ling me as %e "iss;really"iss& o r tong es e9ploring the oh<so<familiar b t still oh<so< ne%& oh<so<e9!itingterritory that is the other$s mo th. My inner go##ess

s%oons& bringing my libi#oba!" from p r#ah. I !aress his #ear& #ear fa!e in my han#s. 2Ana&4 he breathes. 2I lo'e yo & 3hristian 0rey. Don$t forget that&4 I %hisper as I ga)e into #ar"<ening gray eyes. (he ele'ator !omes smoothly to a halt an# the #oors open. 2@et$s go an# see yo r father before I #e!i#e to rent this to#ay.4 He "isses meB i!"ly& ta"es my han#& an# lea#s me into the lobby. As %e %al" past the !on!ierge& 3hristian gi'es a #is!reet signal to the "in#lymi##le<age# man stan#ing behin# the #es". He no#s an# pi!"s p his phone. Iglan!e B estioningly at 3hristian& an# he gi'es me his se!ret smile. I fro%n athim& an# for a moment he loo"s ner'o s. 2-here$s (aylor.4 I as". 2-e$ll see him shortly.4 /f !o rse& he$s probably fet!hing the !ar. 2Sa%yer.4 2R nning erran#s.4 -hat erran#s. 3hristian a'oi#s the re'ol'ing #oor& an# I "no% it$s so he #oesn$t ha'e to re<lease my han#. (he tho ght %arms me. / tsi#e it$s a mil# late<s mmer morning&b t the s!ent of the !oming fall is in the bree)e. I glan!e aro n#& loo"ing for theA #i S?C an# (aylor. 1o sign. 3hristian$s han# tightens aro n# mine& an# I loo" p at him. He seems an9io s. 2-hat is it.4 He shr gs. (he h m of an approa!hing !ar engine #istra!ts me. It$sthroaty . . . familiar. As I t rn to fin# the so r!e of the noise& it stops s ##enly.(aylor is !limbing o t of a slee" %hite sports !ar par"e# in front of s. E5:. E70+55, /h shit! It$s an R*. I %hip my hea# ba!" to 3hristian& %ho$s %at!hing me%arily. 25o !an b y me one for my birth#ay . . . a %hite one& I thin".4 2Happy birth#ay&4 he says& an# I "no% he$s ga ging my rea!tion. I gape athim be!a se that$s all I !an #o. He hol#s o t a "ey. 25o are !ompletely o'er the top&4 I %hisper. He$s bo ght me a f !"ing A #iR*! Holy shit. D st li"e I as"e#! My fa!e splits in a h ge grin& an# my inner go#<#ess #oes a ba!"flip off the high #i'e. I = mp p an# #o%n on the spot in a mo< ment of ng ar#e# an# nbri#le# o'ere9!itement. 3hristian$s e9pression mirrorsmine& an# I #an!e for%ar# into his %aiting arms. He s%ings me aro n#. 25o ha'e more money than sense!4 I %hoop. 2I lo'e it! (han" yo .4 Hestops an# #ips me lo% s ##enly& startling me& so that I ha'e to grasp his pperarms. 2Anything for yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 He grins #o%n at me. /h my. -hat a 'eryp bli! #isplay of affe!tion. He ben#s an# "isses me. 23ome. @et$s go see yo r#a#.4 25es. An# I get to #ri'e.4 He grins #o%n at me. 2/f !o rse. It$s yo rs.4 He stan#s me p an# releasesme& an# I h rry aro n# to the #ri'er$s #oor. (aylor opens it for me& smiling broa#ly. 2Happy birth#ay& Mrs. 0rey.4 2(han" yo & (aylor.4 I startle him by gi'ing him a s%ift h g& %hi!h he re<t rns a%"%ar#ly. He$s still bl shing %hen I !limb into the !ar& an# he !loses the#oor promptly on!e I$m insi#e. 2Dri'e safe& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says gr ffly. I beam p at him& barely able to!ontain my e9!itement. 2-ill #o.4 I promise& p tting the "ey in the ignition as 3hristian stret!hes o tbesi#e me. 2(a"e it easy. 1obo#y !hasing s no%&4 he %arns. -hen I t rn the "ey& theengine th n#ers to life. I !he!" the rear'ie% an# si#e mirrors& an# spotting a raremoment of !lear traffi!& e9e! te a h ge perfe!t ?<t rn an# roar off in the #ire!tionof /SH?. 2-hoa!4 3hristian e9!laims& alarme#. 2-hat.4 2I #on$t %ant yo in the I3? besi#e yo r father. Slo% #o%n&4 he gro%ls& notto be arg e# %ith. I ease off the a!!elerator an# grin at him. 2>etter.4

E5*. E7,+55, 2M !h&4 he m tters& trying har# to loo" stern;an# failing miserably.Ray$s !on#ition is the same. Seeing him gro n#s me after the hea#y roa# triphere. I really sho l# #ri'e more !aref lly. 5o !an$t legislate for e'ery #r n"#ri'er in this %orl#. I m st as" 3hristian %hat$s be!ome of the asshole %ho hitRay;I$m s re he "no%s. In spite of the t bes& my father loo"s !omfortable& an# Ithin" he has a little more !olor in his !hee"s. -hile I tell him abo t my morning&3hristian %an#ers off to the %aiting room to ma"e phone !alls. 1 rse Fellie ho'ers& !he!"ing Ray$s lines an# ma"ing notes on his !hart.2All his signs are goo#& Mrs. 0rey.4 She smiles "in#ly at me. 2(hat$s 'ery en!o raging.4 A little later Dr. 3ro%e appears %ith t%o n rsing assistants an# says %armly&2Mrs. 0rey& time to ta"e yo r father p to ra#iology. -e$re gi'ing him a 3( s!an.(o see ho% his brain is #oing.4 2-ill yo be long.4 2?p to an ho r.4 2I$ll %ait. I$# li"e to "no%.4 2S re thing& Mrs. 0rey.4 I %an#er into the than"f lly empty %aiting room %here 3hristian is tal"ingon the phone& pa!ing. As he spea"s& he ga)es o t of the %in#o% at the panorami!'ie% of 6ortlan#. He t rns to me %hen I sh t the #oor& an# he loo"s angry. 2Ho% far abo'e the limit. . . . I see . . . All !harges& e'erything. Ana$s fatheris in the I3?;I %ant yo to thro% the f !"ing boo" at him& Da# . . . 0oo#. Feepme informe#.4 He hangs p. 2(he other #ri'er.4 He no#s. 2Some #r n"en trailer trash from So theast 6ortlan#.4 He sneers&an# I$m sho!"e# by his terminology an# his #erisory tone. He %al"s o'er to me&an# his tone softens. 2Finishe# %ith Ray. Do yo %ant to go.4 2?m . . . no.4 I peer p at him& still reeling at his #isplay of !ontempt. 2-hat$s %rong.4 21othing. Ray$s being ta"en to ra#iology for a 3( s!an to !he!" the s%ellingin his brain. I$# li"e to %ait for the res lts.4 E58. E7A+55, 2/"ay. -e$ll %ait.4 He sits #o%n an# hol#s o t his arms. As %e$re alone& Igo %illingly an# ! rl p in his lap. 2(his is not ho% I en'isage# spen#ing to#ay&4 3hristian m rm rs into myhair. 2Me neither& b t I$m feeling more positi'e no%. 5o r mom %as 'ery reass r<ing. It %as "in# of her to !ome last night.4 3hristian stro"es my ba!" an# rests his !hin on my hea#. 2My mom is anama)ing %oman.4 2She is. 5o $re 'ery l !"y to ha'e her.4 3hristian no#s. 2I sho l# !all my mom. (ell her abo t Ray&4 I m rm r an# 3hristian stiffens.2I$m s rprise# she hasn$t !alle# me.4 I fro%n in a moment of reali)ation. In fa!t& Ifeel h rt. It$s my birth#ay after all& an# she %as there %hen I %as born. -hyhasn$t she !alle#. 2Maybe she #i#&4 3hristian says. I fish my >la!">erry o t of my po!"et. Itsho%s no misse# !alls& b t B ite a fe% te9tsL happy birth#ays from Fate& DosG&Mia& an# Ethan. 1othing from my mother. I sha"e my hea# #espon#ently. 23all her no%&4 he says softly. I #o& b t there$s no reply& = st the ans%eringma!hine. I #on$t lea'e a message. Ho% !an my o%n mother forget my birth#ay. 2She$s not there. I$ll !all later %hen I "no% the res lts of the brain s!an.4 3hristian tightens his arms aro n# me& n ))ling my hair on!e more& an#%isely ma"es no !omment on my mother$s la!" of maternal !on!ern. I feel ratherthan hear the b )) of his >la!">erry. He #oesn$t let me stan# p b t fishes it a%"< %ar#ly o t of his po!"et. 2An#rea&4 he snaps& b sinessli"e again. I ma"e another mo'e to stan# an# hestops me& fro%ning an# hol#ing me tightly aro n# my %aist. I nestle ba!" againsthis !hest an# listen to the one<si#e#

!on'ersation. 20oo# . . . E(A is %hat time. . . . An# the other& m . . . pa!"ages.4 3hristianglan!es at his %at!h. 2Does the Heathman ha'e all the #etails. . . . 0oo# . . . 5es.It !an hol# ntil Mon#ay morning& b t e<mail it = st in !ase;I$ll print& sign& an#s!an it ba!" to yo . . . (hey !an %ait. 0o home& An#rea . . . 1o& %e$re goo#&than" yo .4 He hangs p. 2E'erything o"ay.4 25es.4 2Is this yo r (ai%an thing.4 E70. E7E+55, 25es.4 He shifts beneath me. 2Am I too hea'y.4 He snorts. 21o& baby.4 2Are yo %orrie# abo t the (ai%an thing.4 21o.4 2I tho ght it %as important.4 2It is. (he shipyar# here #epen#s on it. (here are lots of =obs at sta"e.4 /h! 2-e = st ha'e to sell it to the nions. (hat$s Sam an# Ros$s =ob. > t the %aythe e!onomy$s hea#ing& none of s ha'e a lot of !hoi!e.4 I ya%n. 2Am I boring yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 He n ))les my hair again& am se#. 21o! 1e'er . . . I$m = st 'ery !omfortable on yo r lap. I li"e hearing abo tyo r b siness.4 25o #o.4 He so n#s s rprise#. 2/f !o rse.4 I lean ba!" to ga)e #ire!tly at him. 2I li"e hearing any bit of in<formation yo #eign to share %ith me.4 I smir"& an# he regar#s me %ith am se<ment an# sha"es his hea#. 2Al%ays h ngry for more information& Mrs. 0rey.4 2(ell me.4 I rge him as I sn ggle p against his !hest again. 2(ell yo %hat.4 2-hy yo #o it.4 2Do %hat.4 2-or" the %ay yo #o.4 2A g y$s got to earn a li'ing.4 He$s am se#. 23hristian& yo earn more than a li'ing.4 My 'oi!e is f ll of irony. He fro%nsan# is B iet for a moment. I thin" he$s not going to #i' lge any se!rets& b t hes rprises me. 2I #on$t %ant to be poor&4 he says& his 'oi!e lo%. 2I$'e #one that. I$m not go<ing ba!" there again. >esi#es . . . it$s a game&4 he m rm rs. 2It$s abo t %inning.A game I$'e al%ays fo n# 'ery easy.4 2?nli"e life&4 I m rm r to myself. (hen I reali)e I sai# the %or#s o t lo #. 25es& I s ppose.4 He fro%ns. 2(ho gh it$s easier %ith yo .4 Easier %ith me. I h g him tightly. 2It !an$t all be a game. 5o $re 'eryphilanthropi!.4 E7,. E74+55, He shr gs& an# I "no% he$s gro%ing n!omfortable. 2Abo t some things&maybe&4 he says B ietly. 2I lo'e philanthropi! 3hristian&4 I m rm r. 2D st him.4 2/h& I lo'e megalomania! 3hristian& too& an# !ontrol< frea" 3hristian& se9<pertise 3hristian& "in"y 3hristian& romanti! 3hristian& shy 3hristian . . . the list isen#less.4 2(hat$s a %hole lot of 3hristians.4 2I$# say at least fifty.4 He la ghs. 2Fifty Sha#es&4 he m rm rs into my hair. 2My Fifty Sha#es.4 He shifts& tipping my hea# ba!"& an# "isses me. 2-ell& Mrs. Sha#es& let$s seeho% yo r #a# is #oing.4 2/"ay.423an %e go for a #ri'e.4 3hristian an# I are ba!" in the R*& an# I$m feeling gi##ily b oyant. Ray$sbrain is ba!" to normal;all s%elling gone. Dr. Sl #er has #e!i#e# to %a"e himfrom his !oma tomorro%. She says she$s please# %ith his progress. 2S re.4 3hristian grins at me. 2It$s yo r birth#ay;%e !an #o anything yo %ant.4 /h! His tone ma"es me t rn an# ga)e at him. His eyes are #ar". 2Anything.4 2Anything.4 Ho% m !h promise !an he loa# into one %or#. 2-ell& I %ant to #ri'e.4 2(hen #ri'e& baby.4 He grins& an# I grin ba!". My !ar han#les li"e a #ream& an# as %e hit the I<5& I s btly p t my foot #o%n&for!ing s both ba!" in o r seats. 2Stea#y& baby&4 3hristian %arns.As %e #ri'e ba!" into 6ortlan#& an i#ea o!! rs to me.

E7A. E75+55, 2Ha'e yo planne# l n!h.4 I as" 3hristian tentati'ely. 21o. 5o $re h ngry.4 He so n#s hopef l. 25es.4 2-here #o yo %ant to go. It$s yo r #ay& Ana.4 2I "no% = st the pla!e.4 I p ll p near the gallery %here DosG e9hibite# his %or" an# par" right o t<si#e the @e 6i!otin resta rant %here %e %ent after DosG$s sho%. 3hristian grins. 2For one min te I tho ght yo %ere going to ta"e me to that#rea#f l bar yo #r n" #iale# me from.4 2-hy %o l# I #o that.4 2(o !he!" the a)aleas are still ali'e.4 He ar!hes a sar#oni! bro%. I bl sh. 2Don$t remin# me! >esi#es . . . yo still too" me to yo r hotel room.4I smir". 2>est #e!ision I e'er ma#e&4 he says& his eyes soft an# %arm. 25es. It %as.4 I lean o'er an# "iss him. 2Do yo thin" that s per!ilio s f !"er is still %aiting tables.4 3hristian as"s. 2S per!ilio s. I tho ght he %as fine.4 2He %as trying to impress yo .4 2-ell& he s !!ee#e#.4 3hristian$s mo th t%ists in am se# #isg st. 2Shall %e go see.4 I offer. 2@ea# on& Mrs. 0rey.4After l n!h an# a B i!" #eto r to the Heathman to pi!" p 3hristian$s laptop& %eret rn to the hospital. I spen# the afternoon %ith Ray& rea#ing alo # from one ofthe man s!ripts I$'e been sent. My only a!!ompaniment is the so n# of the ma<!hinery "eeping him ali'e& "eeping him %ith me. 1o% that I "no% he$s ma"ingprogress& I !an breathe a little easier an# rela9. I$m hopef l. He = st nee#s time toget %ell. I$'e got time;I !an gi'e him that. I %on#er i#ly if I sho l# try !allingMom again& b t #e!i#e to #o it later. I hol# Ray$s han# loosely as I rea# to him&sB ee)ing it o!!asionally& %illing him to be %ell. His fingers feel soft an# %armbeneath my to !h. He still has the in#entation on his finger %here he %ore his%e##ing ring;e'en after all this time. E7E. E77+55,An ho r or t%o later& I #on$t "no% ho% long& I glan!e p to see 3hristian& laptopin han#& stan#ing at the en# of Ray$s be# %ith 1 rse Fellie. 2It$s time to go& Ana.4 /h. I !lasp Ray$s han# tightly. I #on$t %ant to lea'e him. 2I %ant to fee# yo . 3ome. It$s late.4 3hristian so n#s insistent. 2I$m abo t to gi'e Mr. Steele a sponge bath&4 1 rse Fellie says. 2/"ay.4 I !on!e#e. 2-e$ll be ba!" tomorro% morning.4 I "iss Ray on his !hee"& feeling his nfamiliar st bble beneath my lips. I#on$t li"e it. Feep getting better& Da##y. I lo'e yo . 2I tho ght %e$# #ine #o%nstairs. In a pri'ate room&4 3hristian says& a gleamin his eye as he opens the #oor to o r s ite. 2Really. Finish %hat yo starte# a fe% months ago.4 He smir"s. 2If yo $re 'ery l !"y& Mrs. 0rey.4 I la gh. 23hristian& I #on$t ha'e anything #ressy to %ear.4 He smiles& hol#s o t his han#& an# lea#s me into the be#room. He opens the%ar#robe to re'eal a large %hite #ress bag hanging insi#e. 2(aylor.4 I as". 23hristian&4 he replies& for!ef l an# %o n#e# at on!e. His tone ma"es mela gh. ?n)ipping the bag& I fin# a na'y satin #ress an# ease it o t. It$s gor<geo s;fitte# %ith thin straps. It loo"s small. 2It$s lo'ely. (han" yo . I hope it fits.4 2It %ill&4 he says !onfi#ently. 2An# here4;he pi!"s p a shoebo9;2shoes tomat!h.4 He gi'es me a %olfish smile. 25o thin" of e'erything. (han" yo .4 I stret!h p an# "iss him. 2I #o.4 He han#s me yet another bag. I ga)e at him B i))i!ally. Insi#e is a bla!" strapless bo#ys it %ith a !entralpanel of la!e. He !aresses my fa!e& tilts my !hin& an# "isses me. 2I loo" for%ar# to ta"ing this off yo later.4 Fresh o t of my bath& %ashe#& sha'e# an# feeling pampere#& I sit on the e#geof the be# an# start p the hair #ryer. 3hristian %an#ers into the be#room. I thin"he$s been %or"ing. 2Here&

let me&4 he says& pointing to the !hair in front of the #ressing table. 2Dry my hair.4 He no#s. I blin" at him. E74. E7:+55, 23ome&4 he says& regar#ing me intently. I "no% that e9pression& an# I "no%better than to #isobey. Slo%ly an# metho#i!ally he #ries my hair& one lo!" at atime. He$s ob'io sly #one this before . . . often. 25o $re no stranger to this&4 I m rm r. His smile is refle!te# in the mirror&b t he says nothing an# !ontin es to br sh thro gh my hair. Hmm . . . it$s 'eryrela9ing.-hen %e step into the ele'ator on o r %ay to #inner& %e are not alone. 3hristianloo"s #eli!io s in his signat re %hite linen shirt& bla!" =eans an# =a!"et. 1o tie.(he t%o %omen insi#e shoot a#miring glan!es at him an# less genero s ones atme. I hi#e my smile. 5es& la#ies& he$s mine. 3hristian ta"es my han# an# p lls me!lose as %e tra'el in silen!e #o%n to the me))anine le'el. It$s b sy& f ll of people #resse# p for the e'ening& sitting aro n# !hattingan# #rin"ing& starting their Sat r#ay night. I am gratef l that I fit in. (he #ressh gs me& s"imming o'er my ! r'es an# hol#ing e'erything in pla!e. I ha'e to say&I feel . . . attra!ti'e %earing it. I "no% 3hristian appro'es. At first& I thin" %e$re hea#ing for the pri'ate #ining room %here %e first #is<! sse# the !ontra!t& b t he lea#s me past that #oor%ay an# on to the far en# %herehe opens the #oor to another %oo# panele# room. 2S rprise!4 /h& my. Fate an# Elliot& Mia an# Ethan& 3arri!" an# 0ra!e& Mr. Ro#rig e)an# DosG& an# my mother an# >ob are all there raising their glasses. I stan# gapingat them& spee!hless. Ho%. -hen. I t rn in !onsternation to 3hristian& an# hesB ee)es my han#. My mom steps for%ar# an# %raps her arms aro n# me. /h&Mom! 2Darling& yo loo" bea tif l. Happy birth#ay.4 2Mom!4 I sob& embra!ing her. /h Mommy. (ears stream #o%n my fa!e #es<pite the a #ien!e& an# I b ry my fa!e in her ne!". 2Honey& #arling. Don$t !ry. Ray %ill be o"ay. He$s s !h a strong man. Don$t!ry. 1ot on yo r birth#ay.4 Her 'oi!e !ra!"s& b t she maintains her !ompos re.She grasps my fa!e in her han#s an# %ith her th mbs %ipes a%ay my tears. 2I tho ght yo $# forgotten.4 E75. E7*+55, 2/h& Ana! Ho% !o l# I. Se'enteen ho rs of labor is not something yo eas<ily forget.4 I giggle thro gh my tears& an# she smiles. 2Dry yo r eyes& honey. @ots of people are here to share yo r spe!ial #ay.4 I sniffle& not %anting to loo" at anyone else in the room& embarrasse# an#thrille# that e'eryone has ma#e s !h an effort to !ome an# see me. 2Ho% #i# yo get here. -hen #i# yo arri'e.4 25o r h sban# sent his plane& #arling.4 She grins& impresse#. An# I la gh. 2(han" yo for !oming& Mom.4 She %ipes my nose %ith a tis<s e as only a mother %o l#. 2Mom!4 I s!ol#& !omposing myself. 2(hat$s better. Happy birth#ay& #arling.4 She steps asi#e %hile e'eryone lines p to h g me an# %ish me happy birth#ay. 2He$s #oing %ell& Ana. Dr. Sl #er is the one of the best in the !o ntry. Happybirth#ay& Angel.4 0ra!e h gs me. 25o !ry all yo %ant to& Ana;it$s yo r party.4 DosG embra!es me. 2Happy birth#ay& #arling girl.4 3arri!" smiles& ! pping my fa!e. 2S$ p babe. 5o r ol# man %ill be fine.4 Elliot enfol#s me in his arms.2Happy birth#ay.4 2/"ay.4 (a"ing my han#& 3hristian p lls me from Elliot$s embra!e. 2Eno ghfon#ling my %ife. 0o fon#le yo r fian!Ge.4 Elliot

grins %i!"e#ly at him an# %in"s at Fate. A %aiter I ha#n$t noti!e# before presents 3hristian an# me %ith glasses ofpin" !hampagne. 3hristian !lears his throat. 2(his %o l# be a perfe!t #ay if Ray %ere here%ith s& b t he$s not far a%ay. He$s #oing %ell& an# I "no% he$# li"e yo to en=oyyo rself& Ana. (o all of yo & than" yo for !oming to share my bea tif l %ife$sbirth#ay& the first of many to !ome. Happy birth#ay& my lo'e.4 3hristian raises hisglass to me ami# a !hor s of happy birth#ays& an# I ha'e to fight again to "eepmy tears at bay.I %at!h the animate# !on'ersations aro n# the #inner table. It$s strange to be !o<!oone# in the bosom of my family& "no%ing the man I !onsi#er my father is on alife s pport ma!hine in the !ol# !lini!al en'irons of the I3?. I$m #eta!he# from E77. E78+55,the pro!ee#ings b t gratef l that they$re all here. -at!hing the sparring bet%eenElliot an# 3hristian& DosG$s rea#y %arm %it& Mia$s e9!itement an# her enth siasmfor the foo#& Ethan slyly %at!hing her. I thin" he li"es her . . . tho gh it$s har# totell. Mr. Ro#rig e) is sitting ba!"& li"e me& en=oying the !on'ersations. He loo"sbetter. Reste#. DosG is 'ery attenti'e to him& ! tting his foo#& "eeping his glassfille#. Ha'ing his s r'i'ing parent !ome so !lose to #eath has ma#e DosG appre!i<ate Mr. Ro#rig e) more . . . I "no%. I ga)e at Mom. She$s in her element& !harming& %itty& an# %arm. I lo'e herso m !h. I m st remember to tell her. @ife is so pre!io s& I reali)e that no%. 25o o"ay.4 Fate as"s in an n!hara!teristi!ally gentle 'oi!e. I no# an# !lasp her han#. 25es. (han"s for !oming.4 25o thin" Mr. Megab !"s !o l# "eep me a%ay from yo on yo r birth#ay.-e got to fly in the heli!opter!4 She grins. 2Really.4 25es. All of s. An# to thin" 3hristian !an fly it.4 I no#. 2(hat$s "in#a hot.4 25eah& I thin" so.4 -e grin. 2Are yo staying here tonight.4 I as". 25es. -e all are& I thin". 5o "ne% nothing abo t this.4 I sha"e my hea#. 2Smooth& isn$t he.4 I no#. 2-hat #i# he get yo for yo r birth#ay.4 2(his.4 I hol# p my bra!elet. 2/h& ! te!4 25es.4 2@on#on& 6aris . . . i!e !ream.4 25o #on$t %ant to "no%.4 2I !an g ess.4 -e la gh& an# I bl sh& re!alling >en M Derry$s M Ana. 2/h . . . an# an R*.4 Fate spits her %ine rather nattra!ti'ely #o%n her !hin& ma"ing s both la ghsome more. E7:. E:0+55, 2/'er the top bastar#& isn$t he.4 She giggles.For #essert I am presente# %ith a s mpt o s !ho!olate !a"e bla)ing %ith t%enty<t%o sil'er !an#les an# a ro sing !hor s of 2Happy >irth#ay.4 0ra!e %at!hes3hristian singing %ith the rest of my frien#s an# family& an# her eyes shine %ithlo'e. 3at!hing my eye& she blo%s me a "iss. 2Ma"e a %ish&4 3hristian %hispers to me. In one breath I blo% o t all the!an#les& fer'ently %illing my father better. Da##y& get %ell. 6lease get %ell. I lo'eyo so.At mi#night& Mr. Ro#rig e) an# DosG ta"e their lea'e. 2(han" yo so m !h for !oming.4 I h g DosG tightly. 2-o l#n$t miss it for the %orl#. 0la# Ray$s hea#ing in the right #ire!tion.4 25es. 5o & Mr. Ro#rig e)& an# Ray ha'e to !ome fishing %ith 3hristian inAspen.4 25eah. So n#s !ool.4 DosG grins before he lea'es to fet!h his father$s !oat&an# I !ro !h #o%n to say goo#<bye to Mr. Ro#rig e). 25o "no% Ana& there %as a time . . . %ell& I tho ght yo an# DosG . . .4 His'oi!e fa#es& an# he ga)es at me& his #ar" ga)e intense b t lo'ing. /h no.

2I$m 'ery fon# of yo r son& Mr. Ro#rig e)& b t he$s li"e a brother to me.4 25o %o l# ha'e ma#e one fine #a ghter<in<la%. An# yo #o. (o the0reys.4 He smiles %istf lly an# I bl sh. 2I hope yo $ll settle for frien#.4 2/f !o rse. 5o r h sban# is a fine man. 5o !hose %ell& Ana.4 2I thin" so&4 I %hisper. 2I lo'e him so.4 I h g Mr. Ro#rig e). 2(reat him goo#& Ana.4 2I %ill&4 I promise. E7*. E:,+55,3hristian !loses the #oor to o r s ite. 2Alone at last&4 he m rm rs& leaning ba!" against the #oor& %at!hing me. I step to%ar# him an# r n my fingers o'er the lapels of his =a!"et. 2(han"yo for a %on#erf l birth#ay. 5o really are the most tho ghtf l& !onsi#erate&genero s h sban#.4 2My pleas re.4 25es . . . yo r pleas re. @et$s #o something abo t that&4 I %hisper. (ighteningmy han#s aro n# his lapels& I p ll his lips to mine.After a !omm nal brea"fast& I open all my presents then gi'e a series of !heerygoo#<byes to all the 0reys an# the Fa'anaghs %ho %ill be ret rning to Seattle 'ia3harlie (ango. My mom& 3hristian& an# I hea# p to the hospital %ith (aylor#ri'ing sin!e the three of s %o l# not fit into my R*. >ob has #e!line# to 'isit&an# I$m se!retly gla#. It$# be = st too %eir#& an# I$m s re Ray %o l#n$t appre!iate>ob seeing him at anything less than his best. Ray loo"s m !h the same. Hairier. Mom is sho!"e# %hen she sees him& an#together %e !ry a little more. 2/h& Ray.4 She sB ee)es his han# an# gently stro"es his fa!e& an# I$m mo'e#to see her lo'e for her e9<h sban#. I$m gla# I ha'e tiss es in my p rse. -e sit be<si#e him& me hol#ing her han# %hile she hol#s his. 2Ana& there %as a time %hen this man %as the !enter of my %orl#. (he s nrose an# set %ith him. I$ll al%ays lo'e him. He$s ta"en s !h goo# !are of yo .4 2Mom;4 I !ho"e an# she stro"es my fa!e an# t !"s a lo!" of my hair behin#my ear. E78. E:A+55, 25o "no% I$ll al%ays lo'e Ray. -e = st #rifte# apart.4 She sighs. 2An# I= st !o l#n$t li'e %ith him.4 She ga)es #o%n at her fingers& an# I %on#er if she$sthin"ing abo t Ste'e& H sban# 1 mber (hree& %ho %e #on$t tal" abo t. 2I "no% yo lo'e Ray&4 I %hisper& #rying my eyes. 2(hey$re going to bringhim o t of his !oma to#ay.4 20oo#. I$m s re he$ll be fine. He$s so st bborn. I thin" yo learne# it fromhim.4 I smile. 2Ha'e yo been tal"ing to 3hristian.4 2Does he thin" yo $re st bborn.4 2I belie'e so.4 2I$ll tell him it$s a family trait. 5o loo" so goo# together& Ana. So happy.4 2-e are& I thin". 0etting there& any%ay. I lo'e him. He$s the !enter of my%orl#. (he s n rises an# sets %ith him for me& too.4 2He ob'io sly a#ores yo & #arling.4 2An# I a#ore him.4 2Ma"e s re yo tell him. Men nee# to hear that st ff = st li"e %e #o.4 I insist on going to the airport %ith Mom an# >ob to say goo#<bye. (aylorfollo%s in the R*& an# 3hristian #ri'es the S?C. I$m sorry they !an$t stay longer&b t they ha'e to get ba!" to Sa'annah. It$s a tearf l goo#<bye. 2(a"e goo# !are of her& >ob&4 I %hisper as he h gs me. 2S re %ill& Ana. An# yo loo" after yo rself.4 2-ill #o.4 I t rn to my mother. 20oo#<bye& Mom. (han" yo for !oming&4 I%hisper& my 'oi!e hoarse. 2I lo'e yo so m !h.4 2/h my #arling girl& I lo'e yo & too. An# Ray %ill be fine. He$s not rea#y tosh ffle off his mortal !oil = st yet. (here$s probably a Mariners game he !an$tmiss.4 I giggle. She$s right. I resol'e to rea# the sports pages of the

S n#ay ne%spa<per to Ray that e'ening. I %at!h her an# >ob !limb the steps into the 0EH =et. Shegi'es me a tearf l %a'e& then she$s gone. 3hristian %raps his arm aro n# mysho l#er. 2@et$s hea# ba!"& baby&4 he m rm rs 2-ill yo #ri'e.4 2S re.4 E:0. E:E+55,-hen %e ret rn to the hospital that e'ening& Ray loo"s #ifferent. It ta"es me amoment to reali)e that the s !" an# p sh of the 'entilator has 'anishe#. Ray isbreathing on his o%n. Relief floo#s thro gh me. I stro"e his st bbly fa!e& an# ta"<ing o t a tiss e to gently %ipe& the spittle from his mo th. 3hristian stal"s off to fin# Dr. Sl #er or Dr. 3ro%e for an p#ate& %hile Ita"e my familiar seat besi#e his be# to "eep a %at!hf l 'igil. I nfol# the sports se!tion of the S n#ay /regonian an# !ons!ientio sly be<gin rea#ing o t the report abo t the So n#ers so!!er game against Real Salt @a"e.>y all a!!o nts& it %as a %il# game& b t the So n#ers %ere #efeate# by an o%ngoal from Fasey Feller. I grip Ray$s han# firmly in mine as I rea# it thro gh. 2An# the final s!ore& So n#ers ,& Real Salt @a"e A.4 2Hey& Annie& %e lost. 1o!4 Ray rasps& an# he sB ee)es my han#. Da##y! E:,. (ears stream #o%n my fa!e. He$s ba!". My #a##y is ba!". 2Don$t !ry& Annie.4 Ray$s 'oi!e is hoarse. 2-hat$s happening.4 I ta"e p his han# in both of mine an# !ra#le it against my fa!e. 25o $'ebeen in an a!!i#ent. 5o $re in the hospital in 6ortlan#.4 Ray fro%ns& an# I #on$t "no% if it$s be!a se he$s n!omfortable %ith my n<!hara!teristi! #isplay of affe!tion& or that he !an$t remember the a!!i#ent. 2Do yo %ant some %ater.4 I as"& tho gh I$m not s re if I$m allo%e# to gi'ehim any. He no#s& be%il#ere#. My heart s%ells. I stan# p an# lean o'er him&"issing his forehea#. 2I lo'e yo & Da##y. -el!ome ba!".4 E:A. E:5+55, He %a'es his han#& embarrasse#. 2Me& too& Annie. -ater.4 I r n the short#istan!e to the n rses$ station. 2My #a#;he$s a%a"e!4 I beam at 1 rse Fellie& %ho smiles ba!". 26age Dr. Sl #er&4 she says to her !olleag e an# h rrie#ly ma"es her %ayaro n# the #es". 2He %ants %ater.4 2I$ll bring him some.4 I s"ip ba!" to my father$s be#& I feel so light<hearte#. His eyes are !lose#%hen I rea!h him& an# I imme#iately %orry that he$s slippe# ba!" into a !oma. 2Da##y.4 2I$m here&4 he m tters an# his eyes fl tter open as 1 rse Fellie appears %itha = g of i!e !hips an# a glass. 2Hello& Mr. Steele. I$m Fellie& yo r n rse. 5o r #a ghter tells me yo $rethirsty.4In the %aiting room& 3hristian is staring fi9e#ly at his laptop& #eep in !on!entra<tion. He glan!es p %hen I !lose the #oor. 2He$s a%a"e&4 I anno n!e. He smiles& an# the tension aro n# his eyes 'an<ishes. /h . . . I ha#n$t noti!e# before. Has he been tense all this time. He sets hislaptop asi#e& stan#s& an# embra!es me. 2Ho% is he.4 he as"s as I %rap my arms aro n# him. 2(al"ing& thirsty& be%il#ere#. He #oesn$t remember the a!!i#ent at all.4 2(hat$s n#erstan#able. 1o% that he$s a%a"e& I %ant to get him mo'e# toSeattle. (hen %e !an go home& an# my mom !an "eep an eye on him.4 Alrea#y. 2I$m not s re he$s %ell eno gh to be mo'e#.4 2I$ll tal" to Dr. Sl #er. 0et her opinion.4 25o miss home.4 25es.4 2/"ay.4

E:E. E:7+55,25o ha'en$t stoppe# smiling&4 3hristian says as I p ll p o tsi#e the Heathman. 2I$m 'ery relie'e#. An# happy.4 3hristian grins. 20oo#.4 (he light is fa#ing& an# I shi'er as I step o t into the !ool& !risp e'ening an#han# my "ey to the par"ing 'alet. He$s eyeing my !ar %ith l st& an# I #on$t blamehim. 3hristian p ts his arm aro n# me. 2Shall %e !elebrate.4 he as"s as %e enter the foyer. 23elebrate.4 25o r #a#.4 I giggle. 2/h& him.4 2I$'e misse# that so n#.4 3hristian "isses my hair. 23an %e = st eat in o r room. 5o "no%& ha'e a B iet night in.4 2S re. 3ome.4 (a"ing my han#& he lea#s me to the ele'ators.2(hat %as #eli!io s&4 I m rm r %ith satisfa!tion as I p sh my plate a%ay& repletefor the first time in ages. 2(hey s re "no% ho% to ma"e a fine tarte (atin here.4 I am freshly bathe# an# %earing only 3hristian$s (<shirt an# my panties. Inthe ba!"gro n#& 3hristian$s i6o# is on sh ffle an# Di#o is %arbling on abo t%hite flags. 3hristian eyes me spe! lati'ely. His hair is still #amp from o r bath& an# he$s%earing = st his bla!" (<shirt an# =eans. 2(hat$s the most I$'e seen yo eat the en<tire time %e$'e been here&4 he says. 2I %as h ngry.4 He leans ba!" in his !hair %ith a self<satisfie# smir" an# ta"es a sip of his%hite %ine. 2-hat %o l# yo li"e to #o no%.4 His 'oi!e is soft. 2-hat #o yo %ant to #o.4 He raises an eyebro%& am se#. 2-hat I al%ays %ant to #o.4 2An# that is.4 2Mrs. 0rey& #on$t be !oy.4 Rea!hing a!ross the #ining table& I grasp his han#& t rn it o'er& an# s"im myin#e9 finger o'er his palm. 2I$# li"e yo to to !h me %ith this.4 I r n my finger p his in#e9 finger. He shifts in his !hair. 2D st that.4 His eyes #ar"en an# heat at on!e. E:4. E::+55, 2Maybe this.4 I r n my finger p his mi##le finger an# ba!" to his palm.2An# this.4 My nail tra!es his ring finger. 2Definitely this.4 My finger stops at his%e##ing ring. 2(his is 'ery se9y.4 2Is it& no%.4 2It s re is. It says this man is mine.4 An# I s"im the small !allo s that hasalrea#y forme# on his palm beneath the ring. He leans for%ar# an# ! ps my !hin%ith his other han#. 2Mrs. 0rey& are yo se# !ing me.4 2I hope so.4 2Anastasia& I$m a gi'en.4 His 'oi!e is lo%. 23ome here.4 He t gs my han#&p lling me onto his lap. 2I li"e ha'ing nfettere# a!!ess to yo .4 He r ns a han# p my thigh to my behin#. He grasps the nape of my ne!" %ith his other han# an#"isses me& hol#ing me firmly in pla!e. He tastes of %hite %ine an# apple pie an# 3hristian. I r n my fingers thro ghhis hair& hol#ing him to me %hile o r tong es e9plore an# ! rl an# t%ist aro n#ea!h other& my bloo# heating in my 'eins. -e$re breathless %hen 3hristian p llsa%ay. 2@et$s go to be#&4 he m rm rs against my lips. 2>e#.4 He p lls ba!" f rther an# t gs my hair so I am loo"ing p at him. 2-here%o l# yo prefer& Mrs. 0rey.4 My inner go##ess stops st ffing her fa!e %ith tarte (atin. I shr g& feigning in< #ifferen!e. 2S rprise me.4 He smir"s. 25o $re feisty this e'ening.4 He r ns his nose along mine. 2Maybe I nee# to be restraine#.4 2Maybe yo #o. 5o $re getting mighty bossy in yo r ol# age.4 He narro%shis eyes& b t !an$t #isg ise the latent h mor there. 2-hat are yo going to #o abo t it.4 I !hallenge. His eyes glitter. 2I "no% %hat I$# li"e to #o abo t it. Depen#s if yo $re p toit.4 2/h& Mr. 0rey& yo $'e been 'ery gentle %ith me these last !o ple of #ays.I$m not ma#e of glass& yo "no%.4 25o #on$t li"e gentle.4 2-ith yo & of !o rse. > t yo "no% . . . 'ariety is the spi!e of life.4 I bat mylashes at him.

E:5. E:*+55, 25o $re after something less gentle.4 2Something life< affirming.4 He raises his bro%s in s rprise. 2@ife<affirming&4 he repeats& astonishe# h <mor in his 'oi!e. I no#. He ga)es at me for a moment. 2Don$t bite yo r lip&4 he %hispers thenrises s ##enly %ith me in his arms. I gasp an# grab his bi!eps& fearf l that he$ll#rop me. He %al"s o'er to the smallest of the three !o !hes an# #eposits me on toit. 2-ait here. Don$t mo'e.4 He gi'es me a brief hot& intense loo" an# t rns onhis heel& stal"ing to%ar# the be#room. /h . . . 3hristian barefoot. -hy are his feetso hot. He$s ba!" a fe% moments later& ta"ing me by s rprise as he leans o'er mefrom behin#. 2I thin" %e$ll #ispense %ith this.4 He grabs my (<shirt an# #rags it o'er myhea#& lea'ing me na"e# e9!ept for my panties. He p lls my ponytail ba!" an#"isses me. 2Stan# p&4 he or#ers against my lips an# releases me. I !omply imme#iately.He lays a to%el o t on the sofa. (o%el. 2(a"e yo r panties off.4 I s%allo% b t #o as I$m tol#& #is!ar#ing them by the sofa. 2Sit.4 He grabs my ponytail again an# p lls my hea# ba!". 25o $ll tell me tostop if this gets too m !h& yes.4 I no#. 2Say it.4 His 'oi!e is stern. 25es&4 I sB ea". He smir"s. 20oo#. So& Mrs. 0rey . . . by pop lar #eman#& I$m going to re< strain yo .4 His 'oi!e #rops to a breathless %hisper. Desire strea"s thro gh mybo#y li"e lightning simply at those %or#s. /h& my s%eet Fifty;on the sofa. 2>ring yo r "nees p&4 he !omman#s softly. 2An# sit right ba!".4 I rest my feet on the e#ge of the sofa& my "nees p in front of me. He rea!hesfor my left leg& an# ta"ing the belt from one of the bathroom robes& he ties oneen# abo'e my "nee. 2>athrobes.4 E:7. E:8+55, 2I$m impro'ising.4 He smir"s again an# fastens the slip"not abo'e my "neean# ties the other en# of the soft belt aro n# the finial at the ba!" !orner of thesofa& effe!ti'ely parting my legs. 2Don$t mo'e&4 he %arns an# repeats the pro!ess %ith my right leg& tying these!on# !or# to the other finial. /h my . . . I am sitting p& splaye# o t on the sofa& legs sprea# %i#e. 2/"ay.4 3hristian as"s softly& ga)ing #o%n at me from behin# the sofa. I no#& e9pe!ting him to tie my han#s& too. > t he refrains. He ben#s an#"isses me. 25o ha'e no i#ea ho% hot yo loo" right no%&4 he m rm rs an# r bs hisnose against mine. 23hange of m si!& I thin".4 He stan#s an# strolls !as ally o'erto the i6o# #o!". Ho% #oes he #o this. Here I am& tr sse# p an# horny as hell& %hile he$s so!ool an# !alm. He$s = st in my fiel# of 'ision& an# I %at!h the fle9 an# p ll of them s!les of his ba!" n#er his (<shirt as he !hanges the song. Imme#iately& as%eet& almost !hil#li"e female 'oi!e starts to sing abo t %at!hing me. /h& I li"e this song. 3hristian t rns an# his eyes lo!" on mine as he mo'es aro n# to the front ofthe sofa an# sin"s gra!ef lly to his "nees in front of me. S ##enly& I feel 'ery e9pose#. 2E9pose#. C lnerable.4 he as"s %ith his n!anny ability to 'oi!e my n< spo"en %or#s. His han#s are on his "nees. I no#. -hy #oesn$t he to !h me. 20oo#&4 he m rm rs. 2Hol# o t yo r han#s.4 I !an$t loo" a%ay from hismesmeri)ing eyes as I #o %hat he as"s. 3hristian po rs a little oily liB i# ontoea!h palm from a small !lear bottle. It$s s!ente#;a ri!h& m s"y& sens o s s!entthat I !an$t pla!e. 2R b yo r han#s.4 I sB irm beneath his hot& hea'y ga)e. 2Feep still&4 he%arns. /h my. 21o%& Anastasia& I %ant yo to to !h yo rself.4 Holy !o%. 2Start at yo r throat an# %or" #o%n.4 I hesitate.

E::. E*0+55, 2Don$t be shy& Ana. 3ome. Do it.4 (he h mor an# !hallenge in his e9pres<sion is plain to see along %ith his #esire. (he s%eet 'oi!e sings that there$s nothing s%eet abo t her. I pla!e my han#sagainst my throat an# let them sli#e #o%n to the top of my breasts. (he oil ma"esthem gli#e effortlessly o'er my s"in. My han#s are %arm. 2@o%er&4 3hristian m rm rs& his eyes #ar"ening. He #oesn$t to !h me. My han#s ! p my breasts. 2(ease yo rself.4 /h my. I t g gently on my nipples. 2Har#er&4 3hristian rges. He sits immobile bet%een my thighs& = st %at!h<ing me. 2@i"e I %o l#&4 he a##s& his eyes shining #ar"ly. My m s!les !len!h #eepin my belly. I groan in response an# p ll har#er on my nipples& feeling themstiffen an# lengthen beneath my to !h. 25es. @i"e that. Again.4 3losing my eyes I p ll har#& rolling an# t%isting them bet%een my fingers. Imoan. 2/pen yo r eyes.4 I blin" p at him. 2Again. I %ant to see yo . See yo en=oy yo r to !h.4 /h f !". I repeat the pro!ess. (his is so . . . eroti!. 2Han#s. @o%er.4 I sB irm. 2Feep still& Ana. Absorb the pleas re. @o%er.4 His 'oi!e is lo% an# h s"y&tempting an# beg iling at on!e. 25o #o it&4 I %hisper. 2/h& I %ill; soon. 5o . @o%er. 1o%.4 3hristian& e9 #ing sens ality& r ns histong e along his teeth Holy f !" . . . I %rithe& p lling on the restraints. He sha"es his hea#& slo%ly. 2Still.4 He rests his han#s on my "nees& hol#ingme in pla!e. 23ome on& Ana;lo%er.4 My han#s gli#e o'er my stoma!h #o%n o'er my belly. 2@o%er&4 he mo ths& an# he is !arnality personifie#. 23hristian& please.4 His han#s gli#e #o%n from my "nees& s"imming my thighs& to%ar# my se9.23ome on& Ana. (o !h yo rself.4 E:*. E*,+55, My left han# s"ims o'er my se9& an# I r b in a slo% !ir!le& my mo th an / asI pant. 2Again&4 he %hispers. I groan lo #er an# repeat the mo'e an# tip my hea# ba!"& gasping. 2Again.4 I moan lo #ly& an# 3hristian inhales sharply. 0rabbing my han#s& he ben#s#o%n& r nning his nose then his tong e ba!" an# forth at the ape9 of my thighs. 2Ah!4 I %ant to to !h him& b t %hen I try to mo'e my han#s& his fingers tightenaro n# my %rists. 2I$ll restrain these& too. Feep still.4 I groan. He releases me then eases his mi##le t%o fingers insi#e me& the heelof his han# resting against my !litoris. 2I$m going to ma"e yo !ome B i!"ly& Ana. Rea#y.4 25es.4 I pant. He starts to mo'e his fingers& his han#& p an# #o%n& rapi#ly& assa lting boththat s%eet spot insi#e me an# my !litoris at the same time. Ah! (he feeling is in< tense;really intense. 6leas re b il#s an# spi"es thro gho t the lo%er half of mybo#y. I %ant to stret!h my legs& b t I !an$t. My han#s !la% at the to%el beneathme. 2S rren#er&4 3hristian %hispers. I e9plo#e aro n# his fingers& !rying o t in!oherently. He presses the heel ofhis han# against my !litoris as the aftersho!"s r n thro gh my bo#y& prolongingthe #eli!io s agony. Cag ely& I$m a%are that he$s ntying my legs. 2My t rn&4 he m rm rs& an# flips me o'er so I am fa!e #o%n on the sofa %ithmy "nees on the floor. He sprea#s my legs an# slaps me har# a!ross my behin#. 2Ah!4 I yelp an# he slams into me. 2/h& Ana&4 he hisses thro gh !len!he# teeth as he starts to mo'e. His fingersgrip me har# aro n# my hips as he grin#s into me o'er an# o'er. An# I$m b il#<ing again. 1o . . . Ah . . . 23ome on& Ana!4 3hristian sho ts& an# I shatter on!e more& p lsing aro n#him an# !rying o t as I !ome.

E:8. E*A+55,2@ife<affirming eno gh for yo .4 3hristian "isses my hair. 2/h& yes&4 I m rm r& ga)ing p at the !eiling. I am lying on my h sban#& myba!" to his front& both of s on the floor besi#e the sofa. He$s still #resse#. 2I thin" %e sho l# go again. 1o !lothes for yo this time.4 23hrist& Ana. 0i'e a man a !han!e.4 I giggle an# he !h !"les. 2I$m gla# Ray$s !ons!io s. Seems all yo r appetitesare ba!"&4 he says& not #isg ising the smile in his 'oi!e. I t rn o'er an# s!o%l at him. 2Are yo forgetting abo t last night an# thismorning.4 I po t. 21othing forgettable abo t either of those.4 He grins& an# %hen he #oes& heloo"s so yo ng an# !arefree an# happy. He ! ps my behin#. 25o ha'e a fantasti!ass& Mrs. 0rey.4 2So #o yo .4 I ar!h a bro% at him. 2(ho gh yo rs is still n#er !o'er.4 2An# %hat are yo going to #o abo t that& Mrs. 0rey.4 2-hy& I$m going to n#ress yo & Mr. 0rey. All of yo .4 He grins. 2An# I thin" there$s a lot that$s s%eet abo t yo &4 I m rm r& referring to thesong still playing on repeat. His smile fa#es. /h no. 25o are&4 I %hisper. I lean #o%n an# "iss the !orner of his mo th. He !loseshis eyes an# tightens his arms aro n# me. 23hristian& yo are. 5o ma#e this %ee"en# so spe!ial;in spite of %hathappene# to Ray. (han" yo .4 He opens his large& serio s gray eyes& an# his e9pression t gs at my heart. 2>e!a se I lo'e yo &4 he m rm rs. 2I "no%. I lo'e yo & too.4 I !aress his fa!e. 2An# yo $re pre!io s to me& too.5o #o "no% that& #on$t yo .4 His stills& loo"ing lost. /h& 3hristian . . . my s%eet Fifty. 2>elie'e me&4 I %hisper. 2It$s not easy.4 His 'oi!e is almost ina #ible. 2(ry. (ry har#& be!a se it$s tr e.4 I stro"e his fa!e on!e more& my fingersbr shing against his si#eb rns. His eyes are gray o!eans of loss an# h rt an# pain.I %ant to !limb into his bo#y an# hol# him. Anything to stop that loo". -hen %illhe reali)e that he means the %orl# to me. (hat he$s more than %orthy of my lo'e& E*0. E*E+55,the lo'e of his parents;his siblings. I ha'e tol# him o'er an# o'er& an# yet here%e are as 3hristian gi'es me his lost& aban#one# loo". (ime. It %ill = st ta"e time. 25o $ll get !ol#. 3ome.4 He rises gra!ef lly to his feet an# p lls me p tostan# besi#e him. I slip my arm aro n# his %aist as %e %an#er ba!" into the be#<room. I %on$t p sh him& b t sin!e Ray$s a!!i#ent& it$s be!ome more important tome that he "no%s ho% m !h I lo'e him. As %e enter the be#room& I fro%n& #esperate to re!o'er the 'ery %el!omelighthearte# moo# of only a fe% moments ago. 2Shall %e %at!h (C.4 I as". 3hristian snorts. 2I %as hoping for ro n# t%o.4 An# my mer! rial Fifty isba!". I ar!h my bro% an# stop by the be#. 2-ell& in that !ase& I thin" I$ll be in !harge.4 He gapes at me& an# I p sh him onto the be# an# B i!"ly stra##le him& pin<ning his han#s #o%n besi#e his hea#. He grins p at me. 2-ell& Mrs. 0rey& no% that yo $'e got me& %hat are yo going to #o %ith me.4 I lean #o%n an# %hisper in his ear& 2I am going to f !" yo %ith my mo th.4 He !loses his eyes& inhaling sharply& an# I r n my teeth gently along his =a%.3hristian is %or"ing at the !omp ter. It$s a bright early morning& an# he$s tappingo t an e<mail& I thin". 20oo# morning&4 I m rm r shyly from the #oor%ay. He t rns an# smiles atme. 2Mrs. 0rey. 5o $re p early.4 He hol#s open his arms. I bolt a!ross the s ite an# ! rl into his lap. 2As are yo .4

E*,. E*4+55, 2I %as = st %or"ing.4 He shifts as he "isses my hair. 2-hat.4 I as"& sensing something %rong. He sighs. 2I got an e<mail from Dete!ti'e 3lar". He %ants to tal" to yo abo t that f !"er Hy#e.4 2Really.4 I sit ba!" to ga)e at 3hristian. 25es. I tol# him yo $re in 6ortlan# for the time being& so he$ll ha'e to %ait.> t he says he$# li"e to inter'ie% yo here.4 2He$s !oming here.4 2Apparently so.4 3hristian loo"s bem se#. I fro%n. 2-hat$s so important that !an$t %ait.4 2E9a!tly.4 2-hen$s he !oming.4 2(o#ay. I$ll e< mail him ba!".4 2I ha'e nothing to hi#e. I %on#er %hat he %ants to "no%.4 2-e$ll fin# o t %hen he gets here. I$m intrig e#& too.4 3hristian shifts again.2>rea"fast %ill be here shortly. @et$s eat& then %e !an go an# see yo r #a#.4 I no#. 25o !an stay here if yo %ant. I !an see yo $re b sy.4 He s!o%ls. 21o& I %ant to !ome %ith yo .4 2/"ay.4 I grin& an# %rap my arms aro n# his ne!" an# "iss him. Ray is ba#<tempere#. It$s a =oy. He$s it!hy& s!rat!hy& impatient& an# n!omfortable. 2Da#& yo $'e been in a ma=or !ar a!!i#ent. It %ill ta"e time to heal. 3hristianan# I %ant to mo'e yo to Seattle.4 2I #on$t "no% %hy yo $re bothering %ith me. I$ll be fine here on my o%n.4 2Don$t be ri#i! lo s.4 I sB ee)e his han# fon#ly& an# he has the gra!e tosmile at me. 2Do yo nee# anything.4 2I !o l# m r#er a #o ghn t& Annie.4 I grin in# lgently at him. 2I$ll get yo a #o ghn t or t%o. -e$ll go toCoo#oo.4 20reat!4 25o %ant some #e!ent !offee& too.4 2Hell yeah!4 2/"ay& I$ll go get some.4 E*A. E*5+55,3hristian is on!e more in the %aiting room& tal"ing on the phone. He really sho l#set p offi!e in here. -eir#ly& he$s by himself& altho gh the other I3? be#s areo!! pie#. I %on#er if 3hristian$s frightene# off the other 'isitors. He hangs p. 23lar" %ill be here at fo r this afternoon.4 I fro%n. -hat !o l# be so rgent. 2/"ay. Ray %ants !offee an# #o ghn ts.4 3hristian la ghs. 2I thin" I %o l# too if I$# been in an a!!i#ent. As" (aylorto go.4 21o& I$ll go.4 2(a"e (aylor %ith yo .4 His 'oi!e is stern. 2/"ay.4 I roll my eyes an# he glares. (hen he smir"s an# !o!"s his hea# toone si#e. 2(here$s no one here.4 His 'oi!e is #eli!io sly lo%& an# I "no% he$s threaten<ing to span" me. I am abo t to #are him& %hen a yo ng !o ple enters the room.She is %eeping softly. I shr g apologeti!ally at 3hristian& an# he no#s. He pi!"s p his laptop& ta"esmy han#& an# lea#s me o t of the room. 2(hey nee# the pri'a!y more than %e#o&4 3hristian m rm rs. 2-e$ll ha'e o r f n later.4 / tsi#e (aylor is %aiting patiently. 2@et$s all go get !offee an# #o ghn ts.4At fo r o$!lo!" pre!isely there$s a "no!" on the s ite #oor. (aylor shers inDete!ti'e 3lar"& %ho loo"s more ba#<tempere# than s al. He al%ays seems toloo" ba#<tempere#. 6erhaps it$s the %ay his fa!e is set. 2Mr. 0rey& Mrs. 0rey& than" yo for seeing me.4 E*E. E*7+55, 2Dete!ti'e 3lar".4 3hristian sha"es his han# an# #ire!ts him to a seat. I sit#o%n on the sofa %here I en=oye# myself so m !h last night. (he tho ght ma"esme bl sh. 2It$s Mrs. 0rey I %ish to see&4 3lar" says pointe#ly to 3hristian an# to (aylorstatione# besi#e the #oor. 3hristian glan!es then no#s almost imper!eptibly at(aylor %ho t rns an# lea'es& sh tting the #oor behin# him. 2Anything yo %ish to say to my %ife yo !an say in front of me.4 3hristi<an$s 'oi!e is !ool an# b sinessli"e. Dete!ti'e 3lar" t rns to me.

2Are yo s re yo $# li"e yo r h sban# to be present.4 I fro%n at him. 2/f !o rse. I ha'e nothing to hi#e. 5o are = st inter'ie%ingme.4 25es& ma$am.4 2I$# li"e my h sban# to stay.4 3hristian sits besi#e me& ra#iating tension. 2All right&4 m rm rs 3lar"& resigne#. He !lears his throat. 2Mrs. 0rey& Mr.Hy#e maintains that yo se9 ally harasse# him an# ma#e se'eral le%# a#'an!esto%ar# him.4 /h! I almost b rst o t la ghing& b t p t my han# on 3hristian$s thigh to re<strain him as he shifts for%ar# in his seat. 2(hat$s prepostero s&4 3hristian spl tters. I sB ee)e 3hristian$s leg to silen!ehim. 2(hat$s not tr e&4 I state !almly. 2In fa!t& it %as the other %ay aro n#. Hepropositione# me in a 'ery aggressi'e manner& an# he %as fire#.4 Dete!ti'e 3lar"$s mo th flattens briefly into a thin line before he !ontin es. 2Hy#e alleges that yo fabri!ate# a tale abo t se9 al harassment in or#er toget him fire#. He says that yo #i# this be!a se he ref se# yo r a#'an!es an# be<!a se yo %ante# his =ob.4 I fro%n. Holy !rap. Da!" is e'en more #el sional than I tho ght.2(hat$s nottr e.4 I sha"e my hea#. 2Dete!ti'e& please #on$t tell me yo ha'e #ri'en all this %ay to harass my%ife %ith these ri#i! lo s a!! sations.4 Dete!ti'e 3lar" t rns his steely bl e glare on 3hristian. 2I nee# to hear thisfrom Mrs. 0rey& sir&4 he says %ith B iet restraint. I sB ee)e 3hristian$s leg on!emore& silently imploring him to "eep his !ool. 25o #on$t ha'e to listen to this shit& Ana.4 E*4. E*:+55, 2I thin" I sho l# let Dete!ti'e 3lar" "no% %hat happene#.4 3hristian ga)es at me impassi'ely for a beat then %a'es his han# in a gest reof resignation. 2-hat Hy#e says is simply not tr e.4 My 'oi!e so n#s !alm& altho gh I feelanything b t. I$m be%il#ere# by these a!! sations an# ner'o s that 3hristianmight e9plo#e. -hat$s Da!"$s game. 2Mr. Hy#e a!!oste# me in the offi!e "it!henone e'ening. He tol# me that it %as than"s to him that I ha# been hire# an# that hee9pe!te# se9 al fa'ors in ret rn. He trie# to bla!"mail me& sing e<mails that I$#sent to 3hristian& %ho %asn$t my h sban# then. I #i#n$t "no% Hy#e ha# beenmonitoring my e<mails. He$s #el sional;he e'en a!! se# me of being a spy sentby 3hristian& pres mably to help him ta"e o'er the !ompany. He #i#n$t "no% that3hristian ha# alrea#y bo ght SI6.4 I sha"e my hea# as I re!all my #istressing&tense en!o nter %ith Hy#e. 2In the en#& I<I too" him #o%n.4 3lar"$s eyebro%s rise in s rprise. 2(oo" him #o%n.4 2My father is e9<army. Hy#e . . . m& to !he# me& an# I "no% ho% to #efen#myself.4 3hristian glan!es at me %ith a brief loo" of pri#e. 2I see.4 3lar" leans ba!" on the sofa& sighing hea'ily. 2Ha'e yo spo"en to any of Hy#e$s former 6As.4 3hristian as"s almostgenially. 25es& %e ha'e. > t the tr th is %e !an$t get any of his assistants to tal" to s.(hey all say he %as an e9emplary boss& e'en tho gh none of them laste# morethan three months.4 2-e$'e ha# that problem& too&4 3hristian m rm rs. /h. I gape at 3hristian as #oes Dete!ti'e 3lar". 2My se! rity !hief. He$s inter'ie%e# Hy#e$s past fi'e 6As.4 2An# %hy$s that.4 3hristian gi'es him a steely glare. 2>e!a se my %ife %or"e# for him& an# Ir n se! rity !he!"s on anyone my %ife %or"s %ith.4 Dete!ti'e 3lar" fl shes. I shr g apologeti!ally at him %ith a %el!ome<to<my<%orl# smile. 2I see&4 3lar" m rm rs. 2I thin" there$s more to this than meets the eye& Mr.0rey. -e are !on# !ting a more thoro gh sear!h of his apartment tomorro%& so

E*5. E**+55,maybe something %ill present itself then. (ho gh by all a!!o nts he hasn$t li'e#there for some time.4 25o $'e sear!he# alrea#y.4 25es. -e$re #oing it again. A fingertip sear!h this time.4 25o $'e still not !harge# him %ith the attempte# m r#er of Ros >ailey an#myself.4 3hristian says softly. -hat. 2-e$re hoping to fin# more e'i#en!e in regar# to the sabotage of yo r air<!raft& Mr. 0rey. -e nee# more than a partial print& an# %hile he$s in ! sto#y& %e!an b il# a !ase.4 2Is this all yo !ame #o%n here for.4 3lar" bristles. 25es& Mr. 0rey& it is& nless yo $'e ha# any f rther tho ghtsabo t the note.4 1ote. -hat note. 21o. I tol# yo . It means nothing to me.4 3hristian !annot hi#e his irritation.2An# I #on$t see %hy %e !o l#n$t ha'e #one this o'er the phone.4 2I thin" I tol# yo I prefer a han#s<on approa!h. An# I$m 'isiting my great<a nt %ho li'es in 6ortlan#;t%o bir#s . . . one stone.4 3lar" remains stony fa!e#an# nfa)e# by my h sban#$s ba# temper. 2-ell& if %e$re all #one& I ha'e %or" to atten# to.4 3hristian stan#s an#Dete!ti'e 3lar" follo%s his ! e. 2(han" yo for yo r time& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says politely. I no#. 2Mr. 0rey.4 3hristian opens the #oor& an# 3lar" lea'es. I sag into the sofa. 23an yo belie'e that asshole.4 3hristian e9plo#es. 23lar".4 21o. (hat f !"er& Hy#e.4 21o& I !an$t.4 2-hat$s his f !"ing game.4 3hristian %hispers thro gh gritte# teeth. 2I #on$t "no%. Do yo thin" 3lar" belie'e# me.4 2/f !o rse he #i#. He "no%s Hy#e is a f !"e#< p asshole.4 25o $re 'ery s%eary.4 2S%eary.4 3hristian smir"s. 2Is that e'en a %or#.4 2It is no%.4 E*7. E*8+55, ?ne9pe!te#ly he grins an# sits #o%n besi#e me& p lling me into his arms. 2Don$t thin" abo t that f !"er. @et$s go see yo r #a# an# try to tal" abo t themo'e tomorro%.4 2He %as a#amant that he %ante# to stay in 6ortlan# an# not be a bother.4 2I$ll tal" to him.4 2I %ant to tra'el %ith him.4 3hristian ga)es at me& an# for a moment& I thin" he$s going to say no. 2/"ay.I$ll !ome& too. Sa%yer an# (aylor !an ta"e the !ars. I$ll let Sa%yer #ri'e yo r R*tonight.4(he follo%ing #ay Ray is e9amining his ne% s rro n#ings;an airy& light& roomin the rehabilitation !enter of 1orth%est Hospital in Seattle. It$s noon& an# heloo"s sleepy. (he =o rney& 'ia heli!opter no less& has e9ha ste# him. 2(ell 3hristian I appre!iate this&4 he says B ietly. 25o !an tell him yo rself. He$ll be along this e'ening.4 2Aren$t yo going to %or".4 26robably. I = st %ant to ma"e s re yo $re settle# in here.4 25o get along. 5o #on$t nee# to %orry abo t me.4 2I li"e %orrying abo t yo . My >la!">erry b ))es. I !he!" the n mber;it$snot one I re!ogni)e. 25o going to ans%er that.4 Ray as"s. 21o. I #on$t "no% %ho it is. (he 'oi!e mail !an ta"e it for me. I bro ght yo something to rea#.4 I in#i!ate the pile of sports maga)ines on his be#si#e table. 2(han"s& Annie.4 25o $re tire#& aren$t yo .4 E*:. E80+55, He no#s. 2I$ll let yo get some sleep.4 I "iss his forehea#. 2@aters& Da##y&4 I m rm r. 2I$ll see yo later& honey. An# than" yo .4 Ray !at!hes my han# an#sB ee)es it gently. 2I li"e that yo !all me Da##y. (a"es me ba!".4 /h& Da##y. I ret rn his sB ee)e. As I hea# o t the main #oors to%ar# the S?C %here Sa%yer is %aiting& Ihear my name being !alle#. 2Mrs. 0rey! Mrs. 0rey!4 ( rning& I see Dr. 0reene h rrying to%ar# me& loo"ing

her s al imma! lateself& if a little fl stere#. 2Mrs. 0rey& ho% are yo . Di# yo get my message. I !alle# earlier.4 21o.4 My s!alp pri!"les. 2-ell& I %as %on#ering %hy yo $# !an!elle# fo r appointments.4 Fo r appointments. I gape at her. I$'e misse# fo r appointments! Ho%. 26erhaps %e sho l# tal" abo t this in my offi!e. I %as going o t forl n!h;#o yo ha'e time right no%.4 I no# mee"ly. 2S re. I . . .4 -or#s fail me. I$'e misse# fo r appointments.I$m late for my shot. Shit. I follo% her in a #a)e ba!" into the hospital an# p to her offi!e. Ho% #i# Imiss fo r appointments. I 'ag ely remember one being mo'e#;Hannah men<tione# it;b t fo r. Ho% !o l# I miss fo r. Dr. 0reene$s offi!e is spa!io s& minimalisti!& an# %ell appointe#. 2I$m so gratef l yo !a ght me before I left&4 I m mble& still shell< sho!"e#.2My father$s been in a !ar a!!i#ent& an# %e$'e = st mo'e# him here from6ortlan#.4 2/h& I$m so sorry. Ho%$s he #oing.4 2He$s #oing o"ay& than" yo . /n the men#.4 2(hat$s goo#. An# it e9plains %hy yo !an!elle# on Fri#ay.4 Dr. 0reene %iggles the mo se on her #es"& an# her !omp ter !omes to life. 25es . . . it$s been o'er thirteen %ee"s. 5o $re ! tting it a bit !lose. -e$#better #o a test before %e gi'e yo another shot.4 2A test.4 I %hisper& all the bloo# r shing from my hea#. 2A pregnan!y test.4 /h& no. E**. E8,+55, She rea!hes into the #ra%er of her #es". 25o "no% %hat to #o %ith this.4She han#s me a small !ontainer. 2(he restroom is = st o tsi#e my offi!e.4 I get p as if in a tran!e& my %hole bo#y operating as if on a tomati! pilotan# I st mble to the restroom. Shit& shit& shit& shit& shit. Ho% !o l# I ha'e let this happen . . . again. I s #<#enly feel si!" an# offer a silent prayer. 6lease no. 6lease no. It$s too soon. It$stoo soon. It$s too soon. -hen I reenter Dr. 0reene$s offi!e& she gi'es me a tight smile an# %a'es meto the seat in front of her #es". I sit #o%n an# %or#lessly han# her my sample.She #ips a small %hite sti!" into it an# %at!hes. She raises her eyebro%s as itt rns pale bl e. 2-hat #oes bl e mean.4 (he tension is almost !ho"ing me. She loo"s p at me& her eyes serio s. 2-ell& Mrs. 0rey& it means yo $repregnant.4 -hat. 1o. 1o. 1o. F !". E*8. I gape at Dr. 0reene& my %orl# !ollapsing aro n# me. A baby. A baby. I #on$t%ant a baby . . . not yet. F !". An# I "no% #eep #o%n that 3hristian is going tofrea". 2Mrs. 0rey& yo $re 'ery pale. -o l# yo li"e a glass of %ater.4 26lease.4 My 'oi!e is a barely a #ible. My min# is ra!ing. 6regnant. -hen. 2I ta"e it yo $re s rprise#.4 I no# m tely at the goo# #o!tor as she han#s me a glass of %ater from her!on'eniently pla!e# %ater !ooler. I ta"e a %el!ome sip. 2Sho!"e#&4 I %hisper. E80. E8E+55, 2-e !o l# #o an ltraso n# to see ho% a#'an!e# the pregnan!y is. D #gingby yo r rea!tion& I s spe!t yo $re = st a !o ple of %ee"s or so from !on!ep<tion;fo r or fi'e %ee"s pregnant. I ta"e it yo ha'en$t been s ffering any othersymptoms.4 I sha"e my hea# m tely. Symptoms. I #on$t thin" so. 2I tho ght . . . I tho ghtthis %as a reliable form of !ontra!epti'e.4 Dr. 0reene ar!hes a bro%. 2It normally is& %hen yo remember to ha'e theshot&4 she says !oolly. 2I m st ha'e lost tra!" of time.4 3hristian is going to frea". I "no% it. 2Ha'e yo been blee#ing at all.4 I fro%n. 21o.4 2(hat$s

normal for the Depo. @et$s #o an ltraso n# shall %e. I ha'e time.4 I no#& be%il#ere#& an# Dr. 0reene #ire!ts me to%ar# a bla!" leather e9amtable behin# a s!reen. 2If yo $ll = st slip off yo r s"irt& n#er%ear& an# !o'er yo rself %ith theblan"et on the table& %e$ll go from there&4 she says bris"ly. ?n#er%ear. I %as e9pe!ting an ltraso n# s!an o'er my belly. -hy #o Inee# to remo'e my panties. I shr g in !onsternation then B i!"ly #o as she saysan# lie #o%n beneath the soft %hite blan"et. 2(hat$s goo#.4 Dr. 0reene appears at the en# of the table& p lling the ltra<so n# ma!hine !loser. It$s a hi<te!h sta!" of !omp ters. Sitting #o%n& she posi<tions the s!reen so that %e !an both see it an# =ogs the tra!"ball on the "eyboar#.(he s!reen pings into life. 2If yo !o l# lift an# ben# yo r "nees& then part them %i#e&4 she says matter<of<fa!tly. I fro%n %arily. 2(his is a trans'aginal ltraso n#. If yo $re only = st pregnant& %e sho l# beable to fin# the baby %ith this.4 She hol#s p a long %hite probe. /h& yo ha'e got to be "i##ing! 2/"ay&4 I m tter& mortifie#& an# #o as she says. 0reene p lls a !on#om o'erthe %an# an# l bri!ates it %ith !lear gel. 2Mrs. 0rey& if yo !o l# rela9.4 Rela9. I$m pregnant& #amn it! Ho% #o yo e9pe!t me to rela9. I bl sh& an#en#ea'or to fin# my happy pla!e . . . %hi!h has relo!ate# some%here near the lostIslan# of Atlantis. E8,. E84+55, Slo%ly an# gently she inserts the probe. Holy f !"! All I !an see on the s!reen is the 'is al eB i'alent of %hite noise;altho ghit$s more sepia in !olor. Slo%ly& Dr. 0reene mo'es the probe abo t& an# it$s 'ery#is!on!erting. 2(here&4 she m rm rs. She presses a b tton& free)ing the pi!t re on thes!reen& an# points to a tiny blip in the sepia storm. It$s a little blip. (here$s a tiny little blip in my belly. (iny. -o%. I forget my#is!omfort as I stare shell<sho!"e# at the blip. 2It$s too early to see the heartbeat& b t yes& yo $re #efinitely pregnant. Fo ror fi'e %ee"s& I %o l# say.4 She fro%ns. 2@oo"s li"e the shot ran o t early. /h%ell& that happens sometimes.4 I am too st nne# to say anything. (he little blip is a baby. A real honest togoo#ness baby. 3hristian$s baby. My baby. Holy !o%. A baby! 2-o l# yo li"e me to print o t a pi!t re for yo .4 I no#& still nable to spea"& an# Dr. 0reene presses a b tton. (hen she gentlyremo'es the %an# an# han#s me a paper to%el to !lean myself. 23ongrat lations& Mrs. 0rey&4 she says as I sit p. 2-e$ll nee# to ma"e an<other appointment. I s ggest in fo r %ee"s$ time. (hen %e !an as!ertain the e9a!tage of yo r baby an# set a li"ely # e #ate. 5o !an get #resse# no%.4 2/"ay.4 I$m reeling an# I #ress h rrie#ly. I ha'e a blip& a little blip. -hen Iemerge from behin# the s!reen& Dr. 0reene is ba!" at her #es". 2In the meantime& I$# li"e yo to start this !o rse of foli! a!i# an# prenatal'itamins. Here$s a leaflet of #os an# #on$ts.4 As she han#s me a pa!"age of pills an# a leaflet& she !ontin es to tal" at me&b t I$m not listening. I$m in sho!". /'er%helme#. S rely I sho l# be happy.S rely I sho l# be thirty . . . at least. (his is too soon;far too soon. I try to B ellmy rising sense of pani!. I %ish Dr. 0reene a polite goo#<bye an# hea# in a #a)e ba!" #o%n to the e9itan# o t into the !ool fall afternoon. I$m grippe# s ##enly by a !reeping !ol# an##eep sense of forebo#ing. 3hristian is going to frea"& I "no%& b t ho% m !h an#ho% far& I ha'e no i#ea. His %or#s ha nt me. 2I$m not rea#y to share yo yet.4 Ip ll my =a!"et tighter aro n# me&

trying to sha"e off the !ol#. Sa%yer leaps o t of the S?C an# hol#s open the #oor. He fro%ns %hen hesees my fa!e& b t I ignore his !on!erne# e9pression. E8A. E85+55, 2-here to& Mrs. 0rey.4 he as"s gently. 2SI6.4 I nestle into the ba!"seat of the !ar& !losing my eyes an# leaning myhea# on the hea#rest. I sho l# be happy. I "no% I sho l# be happy. > t I$m not.(his is too early. Far too early. -hat abo t my =ob. -hat abo t SI6. -hat abo t3hristian an# me. 1o. 1o. 1o. -e$ll be fine. He$ll be fine. He lo'e# babyMia;I remember 3arri!" telling me;he #otes on her no%. 6erhaps I sho l#%arn Flynn . . . 6erhaps I sho l#n$t tell 3hristian. 6erhaps I . . . perhaps I sho l#en# this. I halt my tho ghts on that #ar" path& alarme# at the #ire!tion they$re ta"<ing. Instin!ti'ely my han# s%eeps #o%n to rest prote!ti'ely o'er my belly. 1o.My little >lip. (ears spring to my eyes. -hat am I going to #o. A 'ision of a little boy %ith !opper<!olore# hair an# bright gray eyes& r nningthro gh the mea#o% at the ne% ho se in'a#es my tho ghts& teasing an# tantali)<ing me %ith possibilities. He$s giggling an# sB ealing %ith #elight as 3hristianan# I !hase him. 3hristian s%ings him high in his arms an# !arries him on his hipas %e %al" han# in han# ba!" to the ho se. My 'ision morphs into 3hristian t rning a%ay from me in #isg st. I$m fatan# a%"%ar#& hea'y %ith !hil#. He pa!es the long hall of mirrors& a%ay from me&the so n# of his footsteps e!hoing off the sil'ere# glass& %alls& an# floor.3hristian . . . I =er" a%a"e. 1o. He$s going to frea" o t. -hen Sa%yer p lls p o tsi#e SI6& I leap o t an# hea# into the b il#ing. 2Ana& great to see yo . Ho%$s yo r #a#.4 Hannah as"s as soon as I rea!h myoffi!e. I regar# her !oolly. 2He$s better& than" yo . 3an I see yo in my offi!e.4 2S re.4 She loo"s s rprise# as she follo%s me in. 2Is e'erything o"ay.4 2I nee# to "no% if yo $'e mo'e# or !an!elle# any appointments %ith Dr.0reene.4 2Dr. 0reene. 5es& I ha'e. Abo t t%o or three of them. Mostly be!a se yo %ere in other meetings or r nning late. -hy.4 >e!a se no% I$m f !"ing pregnant! I s!ream at her in my hea#. I ta"e a #eep&stea#ying breath. 2If yo mo'e any appointments& %ill yo ma"e s re I "no%. I#on$t al%ays !he!" my !alen#ar.4 2S re&4 Hannah says B ietly. 2I$m sorry. Ha'e I #one something %rong.4 I sha"e my hea# an# sigh lo #ly. 23an yo ma"e me some tea. (hen let$s#is! ss %hat$s been happening %hile I$'e been a%ay.4 E8E. E87+55, 2S re. I$ll = mp to it.4 >rightening& she hea#s o t of the offi!e. I ga)e after her #eparting fig re. 25o see that %oman.4 I tal" B ietly to the>lip. 2She might be the reason yo $re here.4 I pat my belly then feel li"e a !om<plete i#iot& be!a se I am tal"ing to the blip. My tiny little >lip. I sha"e my hea#&e9asperate# at myself an# at Hannah . . . tho gh #eep #o%n I "no% I !an$t reallyblame Hannah. Despon#ently I s%it!h on my !omp ter. (here$s an e<mail from3hristian.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Missing 5o DateL September ,E& A0,, ,EL5*(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0reyI$'e been ba!" in the offi!e for only three ho rs& an# I$m missing yo alrea#y.Hope Ray has settle# into his ne% room o"ay. Mom is going to see him this after<noon an# !he!" p on him.I$ll !olle!t yo aro n# si9 this e'ening& an# %e !an go an# see him before hea#inghome.So n# goo#.5o r lo'ing h sban#3hristian 0rey3E/&

0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. I type a B i!" response.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Missing 5o DateL September ,E& A0,, ,4L,0(oL 3hristian 0rey E84. E8:+55,S re.9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL Missing 5o DateL September ,E& A0,, ,4L,4(oL Anastasia 0reyAre yo o"ay.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. 1o& 3hristian& I$m not. I$m frea"ing o t abo t yo frea"ing o t. I #on$t "no%%hat to #o. > t I am not going to tell yo 'ia e<mail.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL Missing 5o DateL September ,E& A0,, ,4L,:(oL 3hristian 0reyFine. D st b sy.See yo at si9.9Anastasia 0rey3ommissioning E#itor& SI6 E85. E8*+55, -hen %ill I tell him. (onight. Maybe after se9. Maybe # ring se9. 1o& thatmight be #angero s for both of s. -hen he$s asleep. I p t my hea# in my han#s.-hat the hell am I going to #o.2Hi&4 3hristian says %arily as I !limb into the S?C. 2Hi&4 I m rm r. 2-hat$s %rong.4 He fro%ns. I sha"e my hea# as (aylor sets off to%ar# thehospital. 21othing.4 Maybe no%. I !o l# tell him no% %hen %e$re in a !ontaine#spa!e an# (aylor is %ith s. 2Is %or" all right.4 3hristian !ontin es to probe. 25es. Fine. (han"s.4 2Ana& %hat$s %rong.4 His tone is a little more for!ef l& an# I !hi!"en o t. 2I$'e = st misse# yo & that$s all. An# I$'e been %orrie# abo t Ray.4 3hristian 'isibly rela9es. 2Ray$s goo#. I spo"e to Mom this afternoon an#she$s impresse# %ith his progress.4 3hristian grasps my han#. 2>oy& yo r han# is!ol#. Ha'e yo eaten to#ay.4 I bl sh. 2Ana&4 3hristian s!ol#s me& annoye#. -ell& I ha'en$t eaten be!a se I "no% yo $re going to go bat<shit !ra)y %hen Itell yo I$m pregnant. 2I$ll eat this e'ening. I ha'en$t really ha# time.4 He sha"es his hea# in fr stration. 2Do yo %ant me to a## Zfee# my %ife$ tothe se! rity #etail$s list of # ties.4 E87. E88+55, 2I$m sorry. I$ll eat. It$s = st been a %eir# #ay. 5o "no%& mo'ing Da# an#all.4 His lips press into a har# line& b t he says nothing. I ga)e o t the %in#o%.(ell him! My s b!ons!io s hisses. 1o. I$m a !o%ar#. 3hristian interr pts my re'erie. 2I may ha'e to go to (ai%an.4 2/h. -hen.4 2@ater this %ee". Maybe ne9t %ee".4 2/"ay.4 2I %ant yo to !ome %ith me.4 I s%allo%. 23hristian& please. I ha'e my =ob. @et$s not rehash this arg mentagain.4 He sighs an# po ts li"e a s l"y teenager. 2(ho ght I$# as"&4 he m tterspet lantly. 2Ho% long %ill yo go for.4 21ot more than a !o ple of #ays. I %ish yo $# tell me %hat$s bothering yo .4 Ho% !an he tell. 2-ell& no% that my belo'e# h sban# is going a%ay . . .4 3hristian "isses my "n !"les. 2I %on$t be a%ay for long.4 20oo#.4 I smile %ea"ly at him.Ray is m !h brighter an# a lot less gr mpy %hen %e see him. I$m to !he# by hisB iet gratit #e to 3hristian& an# for a moment I forget abo t my impen#ing ne%sas I sit an# listen to them tal" fishing an# the Mariners. > t he tires easily. 2Da##y& %e$ll lea'e yo to sleep.4 2(han"s& Ana honey. I li"e that yo #rop by. Sa% yo r mom to#ay& too&3hristian. She %as 'ery reass ring. An# she$s a Mariners fan.4 2She$s not !ra)y abo t fishing& tho gh&4 3hristian says %ryly as he rises. 2Don$t "no% many %omen %ho are& eh.4 Ray grins. 2I$ll see yo tomorro%& o"ay.4 I "iss him. My

s b!ons!io s p rses her lips.(hat$s pro'i#e# 3hristian hasn$t lo!"e# yo a%ay . . . or %orse. My spirits ta"e anose#i'e. 23ome.4 3hristian hol#s o t his han#& fro%ning at me. I ta"e it an# %e lea'ethe hospital. E8:. 400+55,I pi!" at my foo#. It$s Mrs. Dones$s !hi!"en !hasse r& b t I$m = st not h ngry. Mystoma!h is "notte# in a tight ball of an9iety. 2Damn it! Ana& %ill yo tell me %hat$s %rong.4 3hristian p shes his emptyplate a%ay& irritate#. I ga)e at him. 26lease. 5o $re #ri'ing me !ra)y.4 I s%allo% an# try to s b# e the pani! rising in my throat. I ta"e a #eepstea#ying breath. It$s no% or ne'er. 2I$m pregnant.4 He stills& an# 'ery slo%ly all the !olor #rains from his fa!e. 2-hat.4 he %his<pers& ashen. 2I$m pregnant.4 His bro% f rro%s %ith in!omprehension. 2Ho%.4 Ho% . . . ho%. -hat sort of ri#i! lo s B estion is that. I bl sh& an# gi'e hima B i))i!al ho%<#o<yo < thin" loo". His stan!e !hanges imme#iately& his eyes har#ening to flint. 25o r shot.4 hesnarls. /h shit. 2Di# yo forget yo r shot.4 I = st ga)e at him nable to spea". Dee)& he$s ma#;really ma#. 23hrist& Ana!4 He bangs his fist on the table& ma"ing me = mp& an# stan#s soabr ptly he almost "no!"s the #ining !hair o'er. 25o ha'e one thing& one thingto remember. Shit! I #on$t f !"ing belie'e it. Ho% !o l# yo be so st pi#.4 St pi#! I gasp. Shit. I %ant to tell him that the shot %as ineffe!ti'e& b t %or#sfail me. I ga)e #o%n at my fingers. 2I$m sorry&4 I %hisper. 2Sorry. F !"!4 he says again. 2I "no% the timing$s not 'ery goo#.4 21ot 'ery goo#!4 he sho ts. 2-e$'e "no%n ea!h other fi'e f !"ing min tes.I %ante# to sho% yo the f !"ing %orl# an# no% . . . F !". Diapers an# 'omit an#shit!4 He !loses his eyes. I thin" he$s trying to !ontain his temper an# losing thebattle. 2Di# yo forget. (ell me. /r #i# yo #o this on p rpose.4 His eyes bla)e an#anger emanates off him li"e a for!e fiel#. 21o&4 I %hisper. I !an$t tell him abo t Hannah;he$# fire her. I "no%. 2I tho ght %e$# agree# on this!4 he sho ts. 2I "no%. -e ha#. I$m sorry.4 He ignores me. 2(his is %hy. (his is %hy I li"e !ontrol. So shit li"e this#oesn$t !ome along an# f !" e'erything p.4 E8*. 40,+55, 1o . . . @ittle >lip. 23hristian& please #on$t sho t at me.4 (ears start to slip#o%n my fa!e. 2Don$t start %ith %ater%or"s no%&4 he snaps. 2F !".4 He r ns a han#thro gh his hair& p lling at it as he #oes. 25o thin" I$m rea#y to be a father.4 His'oi!e !at!hes& an# it$s a mi9t re of rage an# pani!. An# it all be!omes !lear& the fear an# loathing %rit large in his eyes; his rageis that of a po%erless a#oles!ent. /h& Fifty& I am so sorry. It$s a sho!" for me& too. 2I "no% neither one of s is rea#y for this& b t I thin" yo $ll ma"e a %on#er<f l father&4 I !ho"e. 2-e$ll fig re it o t.4 2Ho% the f !" #o yo "no%!4 he sho ts& lo #er this time. 2(ell me ho%!4His gray eyes b rn& an# so many emotions !ross his fa!e. It$s fear that$s mostprominent. 2/h f !" this!4 3hristian bello%s #ismissi'ely an# hol#s his han#s p in agest re of #efeat. He t rns on his heel an# stal"s to%ar# the foyer& grabbing his=a!"et as he lea'es the great room. His footsteps e!ho off the %oo#en floor& an# he#isappears thro gh the #o ble #oors into the foyer& slamming the #oor behin# himan# ma"ing me = mp on!e more. I am alone %ith the silen!e;the still& silent emptiness of the great room. Ish ##er in'ol ntarily as I ga)e n mbly at the !lose# #oors. He$s %al"e# o t onme. Shit! His rea!tion is far

%orse than I !o l# e'er ha'e imagine#. I p sh myplate a%ay an# fol# my arms on the table& letting my hea# sin" into them %hile I%eep.2Ana& #ear.4 Mrs. Dones is ho'ering besi#e me. I sit p B i!"ly& #ashing the tears from my fa!e. 2I hear#. I$m sorry&4 she says gently. 2-o l# yo li"e an herbal tea orsomething.4 2I$# li"e a glass of %hite %ine.4 Mrs. Dones pa ses for a fra!tion of a se!on#& an# I remember >lip. 1o% I!an$t #rin" al!ohol. 3an I. I m st st #y the #os an# #on$ts Dr. 0reene ga'e me. 2I$ll get yo a glass.4 2A!t ally& I$ll ha'e a ! p of tea& please.4 I %ipe my nose. She smiles "in#ly. E88. 40A+55, 23 p of tea !oming p.4 She !lears o r plates an# hea#s o'er to the "it!henarea. I follo% her an# per!h on a stool& %at!hing her prepare my tea. She pla!es a steaming m g in front of me. 2Is there anything else I !an get foryo & Ana.4 21o& this is fine& than" yo .4 2Are yo s re. 5o #i#n$t eat m !h.4 I ga)e p at her. 2I$m = st not h ngry.4 2Ana& yo sho l# eat. It$s not = st yo anymore. 6lease let me fi9 yo something. -hat %o l# yo li"e.4 She loo"s so hopef lly at me. > t really& I!an$t fa!e anything. My h sban# has = st %al"e# o t on me be!a se I$m pregnant& my father hasbeen in a ma=or !ar a!!i#ent& an# there$s Da!" Hy#e the n t!ase trying to ma"e o tthat I se9 ally harasse# him. I s ##enly ha'e an n!ontrollable rge to giggle. See%hat yo $'e #one to me& @ittle >lip! I !aress my belly. Mrs. Dones smiles in# lgently at me. 2Do yo "no% ho% far yo are.4 sheas"s softly. 2Cery ne%ly pregnant. Fo r or fi'e %ee"s& the #o!tor isn$t s re.4 2If yo %on$t eat& then at least yo sho l# rest.4 I no#& an# ta"ing my tea& I hea# into the library. It$s my ref ge. I #ig my>la!">erry o t of my p rse an# !ontemplate !alling 3hristian. I "no% it$s a sho!"for him;b t he really #i# o'errea!t. -hen #oes he not o'errea!t. My s b!on<s!io s ar!hes a finely pl !"e# bro% at me. I sigh. Fifty Sha#es of f !"e# p. 25es& that$s yo r #a##y& @ittle >lip. Hopef lly he$ll !ool off an# !omeba!" . . . soon.4 I p ll o t the leaflet of #os an# #on$ts an# sit #o%n to rea#. I !an$t !on!entrate. 3hristian$s ne'er %al"e# o t on me before. He$s been sotho ghtf l an# "in# o'er the last fe% #ays& so lo'ing an# no% . . . S ppose hene'er !omes ba!". Shit! 6erhaps I sho l# !all Flynn. I #on$t "no% %hat to #o.I$m at a loss. He$s so fragile in so many %ays& an# I "ne% he$# rea!t ba#ly to thene%s. He %as so s%eet this %ee"en#. All those !ir! mstan!es %ay beyon# his!ontrol& yet he manage# fine. > t this ne%s %as too m !h. E'er sin!e I met him& my life has been !ompli!ate#. Is it him. Is it the t%o of s together. S ppose he #oesn$t get past this. S ppose he %ants a #i'or!e. >ilerises in my throat. 1o. I m stn$t thin" this %ay. He$ll be ba!". He %ill. I "no% he 400. 40E+55,%ill. I "no% regar#less of the sho ting an# his harsh %or#s he lo'es me . . . yes.An# he$ll lo'e yo & too& @ittle >lip. @eaning ba!" in my !hair& I start to #o)e.I %a"e !ol# an# #isorientate#. Shi'ering I !he!" my %at!hH ele'en in the e'ening./h yes . . . 5o . I pat my belly. -here$s 3hristian. Is he ba!". Stiffly I ease o tof the arm!hair an# go in sear!h of my h sban#. Fi'e min tes later& I reali)e he$s not home. I hope nothing$s happene# to him.Memories of the long %ait %hen 3harlie (ango %ent missing floo# ba!". 1o& no& no. Stop thin"ing li"e this. He$s probably gone to . . . %here. -ho%o l# he go an# see. Elliot. /r maybe he$s %ith Flynn. I

hope so. I fin# my>la!">erry ba!" in the library& an# I te9t him. W-here are yo .W I hea# into the bathroom an# r n myself a bath. I am so !ol#.He still hasn$t ret rne# %hen I !limb o t of the bath. I !hange into one of my,8E0s< style satin night#resses an# my robe an# hea# to the great room. /n the%ay& I pop into the spare be#room. 6erhaps this !o l# be @ittle >lip$s room. I amstartle# by the tho ght an# stan# in the #oor%ay& !ontemplating this reality. -ill%e paint it bl e or pin". (he s%eet tho ght is so re# by the fa!t that my erranth sban# is so pisse# at the i#ea. 0rabbing the # 'et from the spare be#& I hea# in<to the great room to "eep 'igil.Something %a"es me. A so n#. 2Shit!4 It$s 3hristian in the foyer. I hear the table s!rape a!ross the floor again. 40,. 404+55, 2Shit!4 he repeats& more m ffle# this time. I s!ramble p in time to see him stagger thro gh the #o ble #oors. He$s#r n". My s!alp pri!"les. Shit& 3hristian #r n". I "no% ho% m !h he hates#r n"s. I leap p an# r n to%ar# him. 23hristian& are yo o"ay.4 He leans against the =amb of the foyer #oors. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 he sl rs. 3rap. He$s 'ery #r n". I #on$t "no% %hat to #o. 2/h . . . yo loo" mighty fine& Anastasia.4 2-here ha'e yo been.4 He p ts his fingers to his lips an# smiles !roo"e#ly at me. 2Shh!4 2I thin" yo $# better !ome to be#.4 2-ith yo . . .4 He sni!"ers. Sni!"ering! Fro%ning& I gently p t my arm aro n# his %aist be!a se he !anhar#ly stan#& let alone %al". -here has he been. Ho% #i# he get home. 2@et me help yo to be#. @ean on me.4 25o are 'ery bea tif l& Ana.4 He leans onto me an# sniffs my hair& almost"no!"ing both of s o'er. 23hristian& %al". I am going to p t yo to be#.4 2/"ay&4 he says as if he$s trying to !on!entrate. -e st mble #o%n the !orri#or an# finally ma"e it into the be#room. 2>e#&4 he says& grinning. 25es& be#.4 I mane 'er him to the e#ge& b t he hol#s me. 2Doin me&4 he says. 23hristian& I thin" yo nee# some sleep.4 2An# so it begins. I$'e hear# abo t this.4 I fro%n. 2Hear# abo t %hat.4 2>abies mean no se9.4 2I$m s re that$s not tr e. /ther%ise %e$# all !ome from one<!hil# families.4 He ga)es #o%n at me. 25o $re f nny.4 25o $re #r n".4 25es.4 He smiles& b t his smile !hanges as he thin"s abo t it& an# a ha nte#e9pression !rosses his fa!e& a loo" that !hills me to the bone. 23ome on& 3hristian&4 I say gently. I hate his e9pression. It spea"s of horri#& gly memories that no !hil# sho l# see. 2@et$s get yo into be#.4 I p sh him 40A. 405+55,gently& an# he flops #o%n onto the mattress& spra%ling in all #ire!tions an# grin<ning p at me& his ha nte# e9pression gone. 2Doin me&4 he sl rs. 2@et$s get yo n#resse# first.4 He grins %i#ely& #r n"enly. 21o% yo $re tal"ing.4 Holy !o%. Dr n" 3hristian is ! te an# playf l. I$ll ta"e him o'er ma#<as<hell3hristian anytime. 2Sit p. @et me ta"e yo r =a!"et off.4 2(he room is spinning.4 Shit . . . is he going to thro% p. 23hristian& sit p!4 He smir"s p at me. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo are a bossy little thing . . .4 25es. Do as yo $re tol# an# sit p.4 I p t my han#s on my hips. He grinsagain& str ggles p onto his elbo%s then sits p in a most n3hristian<li"e& ga%"yfashion. >efore he !an flop #o%n again& I grab his tie an# %restle him o t of hisgray =a!"et& one arm at a time. 25o smell goo#.4 25o smell of har# liB or.4 25es . . . bo r<bon.4 He prono n!es the syllables %ith s !h e9aggeration

thatI ha'e to stifle a giggle. Dis!ar#ing his =a!"et on the floor besi#e me& I ma"e astart on his tie. He rests his han#s on my hips. 2I li"e the feel of this fabri! on yo & Anastay<shia&4 he says& sl rring his%or#s. 25o sho l# al%ays be in satin or sil".4 He r ns his han#s p an# #o%nmy hips then =er"s me for%ar#& pressing his mo th against my belly. 2An# %e ha'e an in'a#er in here.4 I stop breathing. Holy !o%. He$s tal"ing to @ittle >lip. 25o $re going to "eep me a%a"e& aren$t yo .4 he says to my belly. /h my. 3hristian loo"s p at me thro gh his long #ar" lashes& gray eyesbl rre# an# !lo #y. My heart !onstri!ts. 25o $ll !hoose him o'er me&4 he says sa#ly. 23hristian& yo #on$t "no% %hat yo $re tal"ing abo t. Don$t be ri#i! lo s;Iam not !hoosing anyone o'er anyone. An# he might be a she.4 He fro%ns. 2A she . . . /h& 0o#.4 He flops ba!" #o%n on to the be# an# !o'<ers his eyes %ith his arm. I ha'e manage# to loosen his tie. I n#o one shoela!ean# yan" off his shoe an# so!"& then the other. -hen I stan#& I see %hy I$'e met 40E. 407+55,no resistan!e;3hristian has passe# o t !ompletely. He$s so n# asleep an# snor<ing softly. I stare at him. He$s so go##amne# bea tif l& e'en #r n" an# snoring. Hiss! lpt re# lips parte#& one arm abo'e his hea#& r ffling his messy hair& his fa!e re<la9e#. He loo"s yo ng;b t then he is yo ngH my yo ng& stresse# o t& #r n"& n<happy h sban#. (he tho ght rests hea'y in my heart. -ell& at least he$s home. I %on#er %here he %ent. I$m not s re I ha'e the en<ergy or the strength to mo'e him or n#ress him any f rther. He$s on top of the# 'et& too. Hea#ing ba!" into the great room& I pi!" p the # 'et I %as sing an#bring it ba!" to o r be#room. He$s still fast asleep& still %earing his tie an# his belt. I !limb onto the be# be<si#e him& remo'e his tie& an# gently n#o the top b tton of his shirt. He m mblessomething in!oherently in his sleep& b t he #oesn$t %a"e. 3aref lly& I nb !"lehis belt an# p ll it thro gh the belt loops& an# after some #iffi! lty it$s off. Hisshirt has !ome #islo#ge# from his pants& re'ealing a hint of his happy trail. I !an$tresist. I ben# an# "iss it. He shifts& fle9ing his hips for%ar#& b t stays asleep. I sit p an# ga)e at him again. /h& Fifty& Fifty& Fifty . . . %hat am I going to#o %ith yo . I br sh my fingers thro gh his hair. It$s so soft an# "iss his temple. 2I lo'e yo & 3hristian. E'en %hen yo $re #r n" an# yo $'e been o t 0o#"no%s %here& I lo'e yo . I$ll al%ays lo'e yo .4 2Hmm&4 he m rm rs. I "iss his temple on!e more& then get off the be#& an#!o'er him p %ith the spare # 'et. I !an sleep besi#e him& si#e%ays a!ross thebe# . . . 5es& I$ll #o that. First I$ll sort o t his !lothes& tho gh. I sha"e my hea# an# pi!" p his so!"san# tie& an# fol# his =a!"et o'er my arm. As I #o& his >la!">erry falls to the floor.I pi!" it p an# ina#'ertently nlo!" it. It opens on the te9ts s!reen. I !an see myte9t& an# abo'e it& another. F !". My s!alp pri!"les. WIt %as goo# to see yo . I n#erstan# no%. Don$t fret. 5o $ll ma"e a %on#erf l father.W It$s from her. Mrs. Elena >it!h (roll Robinson. Shit. (hat$s %here he %ent. He$s been to see her. 404. I gape at the te9t then loo" p at the sleeping form of my h sban#. He$s been o t ntil one thirty in the morning #rin"ing;%ith her! He snores softly& sleeping thesleep of a seemingly inno!ent& obli'io s #r n". He loo"s so serene. /h no& no& no. My legs t rn to =elly& an# I sin" slo%ly to the !hair

besi#e thebe# in #isbelief. Ra%& bitter& h miliating betrayal lan!es thro gh me. Ho% !o l#he. Ho% !o l# he go to her. S!al#ing& angry tears oo)e #o%n my !hee"s. His%rath an# fear& his nee# to lash o t at me I !an n#erstan#& an# forgi'e;= st. > tthis . . . this trea!hery is too m !h. I p ll my "nees p against my !hest an# %rap 405. 40*+55,my arms aro n# them& prote!ting me an# prote!ting my @ittle >lip. I ro!" to an#fro& %eeping softly. -hat #i# I e9pe!t. I marrie# this man too B i!"ly. I "ne% it;I "ne% it%o l# !ome to this. -hy. -hy. -hy. Ho% !o l# he #o this to me. He "no%sho% I feel abo t that %oman. Ho% !o l# he t rn to her. Ho%. (he "nife t%istsslo%ly an# painf lly #eep in my heart& la!erating me. -ill it al%ays be this %ay. (hro gh my tears& his prostrate fig re bl rs an# shimmers. /h& 3hristian. Imarrie# him be!a se I lo'e him& an# #eep #o%n I "no% that he lo'es me. I "no%he #oes. His a!hingly s%eet birth#ay present !omes to min#. For all o r firsts on yo r first birth#ay as my belo'e# %ife. I lo'e yo . 3 9 1o& no& no;I !an$t belie'e that it %ill al%ays be this %ay& t%o steps for%ar#an# three steps ba!". > t that$s ho% it$s al%ays been %ith him. After ea!h set<ba!"& %e mo'e for%ar#& in!h by in!h. He %ill !ome aro n# . . . he %ill. > t %illI. -ill I re!o'er from this . . . from this trea!hery. I thin" abo t ho% he$s beenthis last& horrible& %on#erf l %ee"en#. His B iet strength %hile my step#a# laybro"en an# !omatose in the I3? . . . my s rprise party& bringing my family an#frien#s together . . . #ipping me #o%n lo% o tsi#e the Heathman an# "issing mein f ll p bli! 'ie%. /h& 3hristian& yo strain all my tr st& all my faith . . . an# Ilo'e yo . > t it$s not = st me no%. I pla!e my han# on my belly. 1o& I %ill not let him#o this to me an# o r >lip. Dr. Flynn sai# I sho l# gi'e him the benefit of the#o bt;%ell& not this time. I #ash the tears from my eyes an# %ipe my nose %iththe ba!" of my han#. 3hristian stirs an# rolls o'er& p lling his legs p from the si#e of the be#& an#! rls p beneath the # 'et. He stret!hes o t a han# as if sear!hing for something&then gr mbles an# fro%ns b t settles ba!" to sleep& his arm o tstret!he#. /h& Fifty. -hat am I going to #o %ith yo . An# %hat the hell %ere yo #oing%ith the >it!h (roll. I nee# to "no%. I glan!e on!e more at the offen#ing te9t an# B i!"ly hat!h a plan. (a"ing a#eep breath& I for%ar# the te9t to my >la!">erry. Step one !omplete. I B i!"ly!he!" the other re!ent te9ts& b t !an only see messages from Elliot& An#rea&(aylor& Ros& an# me. 1one from Elena. 0oo#& I thin". I e9it the te9t s!reen& re<lie'e# that he hasn$t been te9ting her& an# my heart l r!hes into my throat. /h my.(he %allpaper on his phone is photograph pon photograph of me& a pat!h%or" oftiny Anastasias in 'ario s poses;o r honeymoon& o r re!ent %ee"en# sailing an# 407. 408+55,soaring& an# a fe% of DosG$s photos& too. -hen #i# he #o this. It m st ha'e beenre!ently. I noti!e his e<mail i!on& an# an i#ea slithers enti!ingly into my min# . . . I!o l# rea# 3hristian$s e<mails. See if he$s been tal"ing to her. Sho l# I. Sheathe#in =a#e<green sil"& my inner go##ess no#s emphati!ally& her mo th set in a s!o%l.>efore I !an stop myself& I in'a#e his pri'a!y. (here are h n#re#s an# h n#re#s of e<mails. I spin #o%n thro gh them& an#they loo" # ll as #it!h%ater . . . mostly from Ros& An#rea an# me&

an# 'ario s e9<e! ti'es in his !ompany. 1one from >it!h (roll. -hile I$m at it& I$m relie'e# tosee there are none from @eila either. /ne e<mail !at!hes my eye. It$s from >arney S lli'an& 3hristian$s I( g y&an# the s b=e!t line isL Da!" Hy#e. I glan!e g iltily at 3hristian& b t he$s still snor<ing gently. I$'e ne'er hear# him snore. I open the e<mail.FromL >arney S lli'anS b=e!tL Da!" Hy#eDateL September ,E& A0,, ,4L08(oL 3hristian 0rey33(C aro n# Seattle tra!"s the %hite 'an from So th Ir'ing Street. >efore that I!an fin# no tra!e& so Hy#e m st ha'e been base# in that area.As -el!h has tol# yo the ns b !ar %as rente# %ith a false li!ense by an n"no%nfemale& tho gh nothing that ties it to the So th Ir'ing Street area.Details of "no%n 0EH an# SI6 employees %ho li'e in the area are in the atta!he#file& %hi!h I ha'e for%ar#e# to -el!h& too.(here %as nothing on Hy#e$s SI6 !omp ter abo t his former 6As.As a remin#er& here is a list of %hat %as retrie'e# from Hy#e$s SI6 !omp ter. 0reys$ Home A##ressesL Fi'e properties in Seattle (%o properties in Detroit Detaile# Res mGs forL 3arri!" 0rey 40:. 4,0+55, Elliot 0rey 3hristian 0rey Dr. 0ra!e (re'elyan Anastasia Steele Mia 0rey 1e%spaper an# online arti!les relating toL Dr. 0ra!e (re'elyan 3arri!" 0rey 3hristian 0rey Elliot 0rey 6hotographsL 3arri!" 0rey Dr. 0ra!e (re'elyan 3hristian 0rey Elliot 0rey Mia 0reyI$ll !ontin e my in'estigation& see %hat else I !an fin#.> S lli'anHea# of I(& 0EH (his o## e<mail momentarily si#etra!"s me from my night of %oe. I !li!" onthe atta!hment to !he!" thro gh the names on the list& b t it$s ob'io sly h ge& toobig to open on the >la!">erry. -hat am I #oing. It$s late. I$'e ha# a tiring #ay. (here are no e<mails fromthe >it!h (roll or @eila -illiams& an# I ta"e some !ol# !omfort from that. I glan!eB i!"ly at the alarm !lo!"L it$s = st after t%o in the morning. (o#ay has been a #ayof re'elations. I am to be a mother& an# my h sban# has been fraterni)ing %ith theenemy. -ell& let him ste%. I am not sleeping here %ith him. He !an %a"e palone tomorro%. After pla!ing his >la!">erry on the be#si#e table& I retrie'e myp rse from besi#e the be# an#& after one last loo" at my angeli!& sleeping D #as& Ilea'e the be#room. (he spare playroom "ey is in its s al pla!e in the !abinet in the tility room.I grab it an# s!oot pstairs. From the linen !loset& I retrie'e a pillo%& # 'et an#sheet& then nlo!" the playroom #oor an# enter& s%it!hing the lights to #im. /## 40*. 4,,+55,that I fin# the smell an# ambien!e of this room so !omforting& !onsi#ering I safe%or#e# the last time %e %ere in here. I lo!" the #oor behin# me& lea'ing the "eyin the lo!". I "no% that tomorro% morning 3hristian %ill be franti! to fin# me&an# I #on$t thin" he$ll loo" in here if the #oor$s lo!"e#. -ell& it %ill ser'e himright. I ! rl p on the 3hesterfiel# !o !h& %rap myself in the # 'et an# #rag my>la!">erry from my p rse. 3he!"ing my te9ts& I fin# the one from the e'il >it!h(roll that I for%ar#e# from 3hristian$s phone. I press F/R-ARD an# typeL W-/?@D 5/? @IFE MRS. @I13/@1 (/ D/I1 ?S -HE1 -E ECE1(?A@@5 DIS3?SS (HIS (EP( SHE SE1( (/ 5/?. I( -I@@ SACE 5/? R?11I10 (/ HER AF(ER-ARD. 5/?R -IFEW I press SE1D an# s%it!h the 'ol me to m te. I h ##le n#er my # 'et. For allmy bra'a#o& I$m o'er%helme# by the

enormity of 3hristian$s #e!eit. (his sho l#be a happy time. Dee)& %e$re going to be parents. >riefly& I reli'e telling 3hristianthat I$m pregnant an# fantasi)e that he falls to his "nees %ith =oy in front of me&p lling me into his arms an# telling me ho% m !h he lo'es me an# o r @ittle>lip. 5et here I am& alone an# !ol# in a >DSM fantasy playroom. S ##enly I feelol#& ol#er than my years. (a"ing on 3hristian %as al%ays going to be a !hallenge&b t he really has s rpasse# himself this time. -hat %as he thin"ing. -ell& if he%ants a fight& I$ll gi'e him a fight. 1o %ay am I going to let him get a%ay %ithr nning off to see that monstro s %oman %hene'er %e ha'e a problem. He$s go<ing to ha'e to !hoose;her or me an# o r @ittle >lip. I sniffle softly& b t be!a seI$m so e9ha ste#& I soon fall asleep.I %a"e %ith a start& momentarily #isorientate# . . . /h yes;I$m in the playroom.>e!a se there are no %in#o%s& I ha'e no i#ea %hat time it is. (he #oor han#lerattles. 2Ana!4 3hristian sho ts from o tsi#e the #oor. I free)e& b t he #oesn$t !omein. I hear m ffle# 'oi!es& b t they mo'e a%ay. I e9hale an# !he!" the time on my 408. 4,A+55,>la!">erry. It$s se'en fifty& an# I ha'e fo r misse# !alls an# t%o 'oi!e messages.(he misse# !alls are mostly from 3hristian& b t there$s also one from Fate. /h&no. He m st ha'e !alle# her. I #on$t ha'e time to listen to them. I #on$t %ant to belate for %or". I %rap the # 'et aro n# me an# pi!" p my p rse before ma"ing my %ay tothe #oor. ?nlo!"ing it slo%ly& I pee" o tsi#e. 1o sign of anyone. /h shit . . . 6er<haps this is a bit melo#ramati!. I roll my eyes at myself& ta"e a #eep breath& an#hea# #o%nstairs. (aylor& Sa%yer& Ryan& Mrs. Dones& an# 3hristian are all stan#ing in the en<tran!e to the great room& an# 3hristian is iss ing rapi#<fire instr !tions. As onethey all t rn an# gape at me. 3hristian is still %earing the !lothes he slept in lastnight. He loo"s #ishe'ele#& pale& an# heart< stoppingly bea tif l. His large grayeyes are %i#e& an# I #on$t "no% if he$s fearf l or angry. It$s #iffi! lt to tell. 2Sa%yer& I$ll be rea#y to lea'e in abo t t%enty min tes&4 I m tter& %rappingthe # 'et tighter aro n# me for prote!tion. He no#s& an# all eyes t rn to 3hristian& %ho is still staring intensely at me. 2-o l# yo li"e some brea"fast& Mrs. 0rey.4 Mrs. Dones as"s. I sha"e myhea#. 2I$m not h ngry& than" yo .4 She p rses her lips b t says nothing. 2-here %ere yo .4 3hristian as"s& his 'oi!e lo% an# h s"y. S ##enly Sa%<yer& (aylor& Ryan an# Mrs. Dones s!atter& s! rrying into (aylor$s offi!e& into thefoyer& an# into the "it!hen li"e terrifie# rats from a sin"ing ship. I ignore 3hristian an# mar!h to%ar# o r be#room. 2Ana&4 he !alls after me& 2ans%er me.4 I hear his footsteps behin# me as I%al" into the be#room an# !ontin e into o r bathroom. O i!"ly& I lo!" the #oor. 2Ana!4 3hristian po n#s on the #oor. I t rn on the sho%er. (he #oor rattles.2Ana& open the #amne# #oor.4 20o a%ay!4 2I$m not going any%here.4 2S it yo rself.4 2Ana& please.4 I !limb into the sho%er& effe!ti'ely blo!"ing him o t. /h& it$s %arm. (hehealing %ater !as!a#es o'er me& !leansing the e9ha stion of the night off my s"in./h my. (his feels so goo#. For a moment& for one short moment& I !an preten# allis %ell. I %ash my hair an# by the time I$'e finishe#& I feel better& stronger& rea#y

4,0. 4,E+55,to fa!e the freight train that is 3hristian 0rey. I %rap my hair in a to%el& bris"ly#ry myself %ith another to%el& an# %rap it aro n# me. I nlo!" the #oor an# open it an# fin# 3hristian is leaning against the %allopposite& his han#s behin# his ba!". His e9pression is %ary& that of a h nte# pre#<ator. I stri#e past him an# into o r %al"<in !loset. 2Are yo ignoring me.4 3hristian as"s in #isbelief as he stan#s on thethreshol# of the !loset. 26er!epti'e& aren$t yo .4 I m rm r absentmin#e#ly as I sear!h for somethingto %ear. Ah& yes;my pl m #ress. I sli#e it off the hanger& !hoose my high bla!"stiletto boots& an# hea# for the be#room. I pa se for 3hristian to step o t of my%ay& %hi!h he #oes& e'ent ally;his intrinsi! goo# manners ta"ing o'er. I sensehis eyes boring into me as I %al" o'er to my !hest of #ra%ers& an# I pee" at himin the mirror& stan#ing motionless in the #oor%ay& %at!hing me. In an a!t %orthyof an /s!ar %inner& I let my to%el fall to the floor an# preten# that I am obli'io sto my na"e# bo#y. I hear his restraine# gasp an# ignore it. 2-hy are yo #oing this.4 he as"s. His 'oi!e is lo%. 2-hy #o yo thin".4 My 'oi!e is 'el'et soft as I p ll o t a pretty pair ofbla!" la!e @a 6erla panties. 2Ana;4 He stops as I shimmy into them. 20o as" yo r Mrs. Robinson. I$m s re she$ll ha'e an e9planation for yo &4 Im tter as I sear!h for the mat!hing bra. 2Ana& I$'e tol# yo before& she$s not my;4 2I #on$t %ant to hear it& 3hristian.4 I %a'e my han# #ismissi'ely. 2(he timefor tal"ing %as yester#ay& b t instea# yo #e!i#e# to rant an# get #r n" %ith the%oman %ho ab se# yo for years. 0i'e her a !all. I am s re she$ll be more than%illing to listen to yo no%.4 I fin# the mat!hing bra an# slo%ly p ll it on an#fasten it. 3hristian %al"s f rther into the be#room an# pla!es his han#s on hiships. 2-hy %ere yo snooping on me.4 he says. In spite of my resol'e I fl sh. 2(hat$s not the point& 3hristian&4 I snap at him.2Fa!t is& going gets to gh an# yo r n to her.4 His mo th settles into a grim line. 2It %asn$t li"e that.4 2I$m not intereste#.4 6i!"ing a pair of bla!" thigh<highs %ith la!ey tops& I re<treat to the be#. I sit& point my toe& an# gently ease the gossamer material p tomy thigh. 4,,. 4,4+55, 2-here %ere yo .4 he as"s& his eyes follo%ing my han#s p my legs& b t I!ontin e to ignore him as I slo%ly roll on the other sto!"ing. Stan#ing& I ben# toto%el<#ry my hair. (hro gh my parte# thighs& I !an see his bare feet& an# I sensehis intense ga)e. -hen I$'e finishe#& I stan# an# step ba!" to the !hest of #ra%ers%here I grab my hair#ryer. 2Ans%er me.4 3hristian$s 'oi!e is lo% an# h s"y. I s%it!h on the hair#ryer so I !an no longer hear him an# %at!h him thro ghmy lashes in the mirror as I finger #ry my hair. He glares at me& eyes narro% an#!ool& !hilling e'en. I loo" a%ay& fo! sing on the tas" at han# an# trying to s p<press the shi'er that r ns thro gh me. I s%allo% har# an# !on!entrate on #ryingmy hair. He$s still ma#. He goes o t %ith that #amne# %oman& an# he$s ma# atme. Ho% #are he! -hen my hair loo"s %il# an# ntame#& I stop. 5es . . . I li"e it.I s%it!h off the hair#ryer. 2-here %ere yo .4 he %hispers& his tone ar!ti!. 2-hat #o yo !are.4 2Ana& stop this. 1o%.4 I shr g& an# 3hristian mo'es B i!"ly a!ross the room to%ar# me. I %hirlaro n#& stepping ba!" as he rea!hes o t. 2Don$t to !h me&4 I hiss an# he free)es. 2-here %ere yo .4 he #eman#s. His han#s fist at his si#e. 2I %asn$t o t getting #r n" %ith my e9&4 I seethe. 2Di#

yo sleep %ith her.4 He gasps. 2-hat. 1o!4 He gapes at me an# has the gall to loo" %o n#e# an#angry at the same time. My s b!ons!io s breathes a small& %el!ome sigh of relief. 25o thin" I$# !heat on yo .4 His tone is one of moral o trage. 25o #i#&4 I snarl. 2>y ta"ing o r 'ery pri'ate life an# spilling yo r spinelessg ts to that %oman.4 His mo th #rops open. 2Spineless. (hat$s %hat yo thin".4 His eyes bla)e. 23hristian& I sa% the te9t. (hat$s %hat I "no%.4 2(hat te9t %as not meant for yo &4 he gro%ls. 2-ell& fa!t is I sa% it %hen yo r >la!">erry fell o t of yo r =a!"et %hile I%as n#ressing yo be!a se yo %ere too #r n" to n#ress yo rself. Do yo ha'eany i#ea ho% m !h yo $'e h rt me by going to see that %oman.4 He pales momentarily& b t I$m on a roll& my inner bit!h nleashe#. 2Do yo remember last night %hen yo !ame home. Remember %hat yo sai#.4 4,A. 4,5+55, He stares at me blan"ly& his fa!e fro)en. 2-ell& yo %ere right. I #o !hoose this #efenseless baby o'er yo . (hat$s%hat any lo'ing parent #oes. (hat$s %hat yo r mother sho l# ha'e #one for yo .An# I am sorry that she #i#n$t;be!a se %e %o l#n$t be ha'ing this !on'ersationright no% if she ha#. > t yo $re an a# lt no%;yo nee# to gro% p an# smell thef !"ing !offee an# stop beha'ing li"e a pet lant a#oles!ent. 25o may not be happy abo t this baby. I$m not e!stati!& gi'en the timingan# yo r less<than< l "e%arm re!eption to this ne% life& this flesh of yo r flesh.> t yo !an either #o this %ith me& or I$ll #o it on my o%n. (he #e!ision is yo rs. 2-hile yo %allo% in yo r pit of self<pity an# self<loathing& I$m going to%or". An# %hen I ret rn I$ll be mo'ing my belongings to the room pstairs.4 He blin"s at me& sho!"e#. 21o%& if yo $ll e9! se me& I$# li"e to finish getting #resse#.4 I am breathinghar#. Cery slo%ly& 3hristian retreats one step& his #emeanor har#ening. 2Is that%hat yo %ant.4 he %hispers. 2I #on$t "no% %hat I %ant any more.4 My tone mirrors his& an# it ta"es a mo<n mental effort to feign #isinterest %hile I !as ally #ip the tips of my fingers intomy moist ri)er an# smooth it gently o'er my fa!e. I peer at myself in the mirror.>l e eyes %i#e& fa!e pale& b t !hee"s fl she#. 5o $re #oing great. Don$t ba!"#o%n no%. Don$t ba!" #o%n no%. 25o #on$t %ant me.4 he %hispers. /h;no . . . oh no yo #on$t& 0rey. 2I$m still here aren$t I.4 I snap. (a"ing my mas!ara& I apply some first to myright eye. 25o $'e tho ght abo t lea'ing.4 His %or#s are barely a #ible. 2-hen one$s h sban# prefers the !ompany of his e9< mistress& it$s s ally nota goo# sign.4 I pit!h the #is#ain at = st the right le'el& e'a#ing his B estion. @ipgloss no%. I po t my shiny lips at the image in the mirror. Stay strong& Steele . . . m;0rey. Holy f !"& I !an$t e'en remember my name. I pi!" p my boots& stri#eo'er to the be# on!e more& an# B i!"ly p t them on& t gging them p o'er my"nees. 5ep. I loo" hot = st in n#er%ear an# boots. I "no%. Stan#ing& I ga)e #is<passionately at him. He blin"s at me& an# his eyes tra'el s%iftly an# gree#ily#o%n my bo#y. 4,E. 4,7+55, 2I "no% %hat yo $re #oing here&4 he m rm rs& an# his 'oi!e has a!B ire# a%arm& se# !ti'e e#ge. 2Do yo .4 An# my 'oi!e !ra!"s. 1o& Ana . . . hol# on. He s%allo%s an# ta"es a step for%ar#. I step ba!" an# hol# my han#s p. 2Don$t e'en thin" abo t it& 0rey&4 I %hisper mena!ingly. 25o $re my %ife&4 he says softly& threateningly. 2I$m the pregnant %oman

yo aban#one# yester#ay& an# if yo to !h me I%ill s!ream the pla!e #o%n.4 His eyebro%s rise in #isbelief. 25o $# s!ream.4 2>loo#y m r#er.4 I narro% my eyes. 21o one %o l# hear yo &4 he m rm rs& his ga)e intense& an# briefly I$m re<min#e# of o r morning in Aspen. 1o. 1o. 1o. 2Are yo trying to frighten me.4 I m tter breathless& #eliberately trying to#erail him. It %or"s. He stills an# s%allo%s. 2(hat %asn$t my intention.4 He fro%ns. I !an barely breathe. If he to !hes me& I %ill s !! mb. I "no% the po%er he%iel#s o'er me an# o'er my traitoro s bo#y. I "no%. I hang on to my anger. 2I ha# a #rin" %ith someone I se# to be !lose to. -e !leare# the air. I amnot going to see her again.4 25o so ght her o t.4 21ot at first. I trie# to see Flynn. > t I fo n# myself at the salon.4 2An# yo e9pe!t me to belie'e yo $re not going to see her again.4 I !annot!ontain my f ry as I hiss at him. 2-hat abo t the ne9t time I step a!ross someimaginary line. (his is the same arg ment %e ha'e o'er an# o'er again. @i"e%e$re on some I9ion$s %heel. If I f !" p again& are yo going to r n ba!" toher.4 2I am not going to see her again&4 he says %ith a !hilling finality. 2She finally n#erstan#s ho% I feel.4 I blin" at him. 2-hat #oes that mean.4 He straightens an# r ns a han# thro gh his hair& e9asperate# an# angry an#m te. I try a #ifferent ta!". 2-hy !an yo tal" to her an# not to me.4 2I %as ma# at yo . @i"e I am no%.4 25o #on$t say!4 I snap. 2-ell I am ma# at yo right no%. Ma# at yo forbeing so !ol# an# !allo s yester#ay %hen I nee#e# yo . Ma# at yo for saying I 4,4. 4,:+55,got "no!"e# p #eliberately& %hen I #i#n$t. Ma# at yo for betraying me.4 I man<age to s ppress a sob. His mo th #rops open in sho!"& an# he !loses his eyesbriefly as if I$# slappe# him. I s%allo%. 3alm #o%n& Anastasia. 2I sho l# ha'e "ept better tra!" of my shots. > t I #i#n$t #o it on p rpose.(his pregnan!y is a sho!" to me& too.4 I m tter& trying for a mo#i! m of !i'ility.2It !o l# be that the shot faile#.4 He glares at me& silent. 25o really f !"e# p yester#ay&4 I %hisper& my anger boiling o'er. 2I$'eha# a lot to #eal %ith o'er the last fe% %ee"s.4 25o really f !"e# p three or fo r %ee"s ago. /r %hene'er yo forgot yo rshot.4 2-ell& 0o# forbi# I sho l# be perfe!t li"e yo !4 /h stop& stop& stop. -e stan# glo%ering at ea!h other. 2(his is B ite a performan!e& Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers. 2-ell& I$m gla# that e'en "no!"e# p I$m entertaining.4 He stares at me blan"ly. 2I nee# a sho%er&4 he m rm rs. 2An# I$'e pro'i#e# eno gh of a floor sho%.4 2It$s a mighty fine floor sho%&4 he %hispers. He steps for%ar#& an# I stepba!" again. 2Don$t.4 2I hate that yo %on$t let me to !h yo .4 2Ironi!& h h.4 His eyes narro% on!e more. 2-e ha'en$t resol'e# m !h& ha'e %e.4 2I$# say not. E9!ept that I$m mo'ing o t of this be#room.4 His eyes flare an# %i#en briefly. 2She #oesn$t mean anything to me.4 2E9!ept %hen yo nee# her.4 2I #on$t nee# her. I nee# yo .4 25o #i#n$t yester#ay. (hat %oman is a har# limit for me& 3hristian.4 2She$s o t of my life.4 2I %ish I !o l# belie'e yo .4 2For f !"$s sa"e& Ana.4 26lease let me get #resse#.4 He sighs an# r ns a han# thro gh his hair on!e more. 2I$ll see yo this e'en<ing&4 he says& his 'oi!e blea" an# #e'oi# of feeling. An# for a brief moment I%ant to ta"e him in my arms an# soothe him . . . b t I resist be!a se I$m = st too

4,5. 4,*+55,ma#. He t rns an# hea#s for the bathroom. I stan# fro)en ntil I hear the #oor!lose. I stagger to the be# an# flop #o%n on to it. My inner go##ess an# my s b!on<s!io s are both gi'ing me a stan#ing o'ation. I #i# not resort to tears& sho ting& orm r#er& nor #i# I s !! mb to his se9pertise. I #eser'e a 3ongressional Me#al ofHonor& b t I feel so lo%. Shit. -e resol'e# nothing. -e$re on the e#ge of a pre<!ipi!e. Is o r marriage is at sta"e here. -hy !an$t he see %hat a !omplete an# t<ter ass he$s been r nning to that %oman. An# %hat #oes he mean %hen he sayshe$ll ne'er see her again. Ho% on earth am I s ppose# to belie'e that. I glan!e atthe ra#io alarm; eight thirty. Shit! I$ll #on$t %ant to be late. I ta"e a #eep breath. 2Ro n# (%o %as a stalemate& @ittle >lip&4 I %hisper& patting my belly.2Da##y may be a lost !a se& b t I hope not. -hy& oh %hy& #i# yo !ome so early&@ittle >lip. (hings %ere = st getting goo#.4 My lip trembles& b t I ta"e a #eep!leansing breath an# bring my rolling emotions n#er !ontrol. 23ome on. @et$s go "i!" ass at %or".4I #on$t say goo#<bye to 3hristian. He$s still in the sho%er %hen Sa%yer an# Ilea'e. As I ga)e o t of the #ar"ene# %in#o%s of the S?C& my !ompos re slipsan# my eyes %ater. My moo# is refle!te# in the gray& #reary s"y& an# I feel astrange sense of forebo#ing. -e #i#n$t a!t ally #is! ss the baby. I ha'e ha# lessthan t%enty<fo r ho rs to assimilate the ne%s of @ittle >lip. 3hristian has ha#e'en less time. 2He #oesn$t e'en "no% yo r name.4 I !aress my belly an# %ipetears from my fa!e. 2Mrs. 0rey.4 Sa%yer interr pts my re'erie. 2-e$re here.4 2/h. (han"s& Sa%yer.4 2I$m going to ma"e a r n to the #eli& ma$am. 3an I get yo anything.4 21o. (han" yo & no. I$m not h ngry.4Hannah has my latte %aiting for me. I ta"e one sniff of it an# my stoma!h roils. 2?m . . .!an I ha'e tea& please.4 I m tter& embarrasse#. I "ne% there %as areason I ne'er really li"e# !offee. Dee)& it smells fo l. 4,7. 4,8+55, 25o o"ay& Ana.4 I no# an# s! rry into the safety of my offi!e. My >la!">erry b ))es. It$sFate. 2-hy %as 3hristian loo"ing for yo .4 she as"s %ith no preamble at all. 20oo# morning& Fate. Ho% are yo .4 23 t the !rap& Steele. -hat gi'es.4 (he Fatherine Fa'anagh InB isitionbegins. 23hristian an# I ha# a fight& that$s all.4 2Di# he h rt yo .4 I roll my eyes. 25es& b t not the %ay yo $re thin"ing.4 I !annot #eal %ithFate at the moment. I "no% I %ill !ry& an# right no% I am so pro # of myself fornot brea"ing #o%n this morning. 2Fate& I ha'e a meeting. I$ll !all yo ba!".4 20oo#. 5o $re all right.4 25es.4 1o. 2I$ll !all yo later& o"ay.4 2/"ay& Ana& ha'e it yo r o%n %ay. I$m here for yo .4 2I "no%&4 I %hisper an# fight the ba!"lash of emotion at her "in# %or#s. I amnot going to !ry. I am not going to !ry. 2Ray o"ay.4 25es&4 I %hisper the %or#. 2/h& Ana&4 she %hispers. 2Don$t.4 2/"ay. (al" later.4 25es.4D ring the !o rse of the morning& I spora#i!ally !he!" my e<mails& hoping for%or# from 3hristian. > t there$s nothing. As the #ay %ears on& I reali)e that he$snot going to !onta!t me at all an# that he$s still ma#. -ell& I$m still ma#& too. Ithro% myself into my %or"& pa sing only at l n!htime for a !ream !heese an# sal<mon bagel. It$s e9traor#inary ho% m !h better I feel on!e I$'e eaten something. At fi'e o$!lo!" Sa%yer an# I set off for the hospital to see Ray. Sa%yer is e9<tra 'igilant& an# e'en o'ersoli!ito s. It$s irritating. As %e approa!h Ray$s

room&he ho'ers o'er me. 2Shall I get yo some tea %hile yo 'isit %ith yo r father.4 he as"s. 4,:. 4A0+55, 21o than"s& Sa%yer. I$ll be fine.4 2I$ll %ait o tsi#e.4 He opens the #oor for me& an# I$m gratef l to get a%ayfrom him for a moment. Ray is sitting p in be# rea#ing a maga)ine. He$s sha'e#&%earing a pa=ama top;he loo"s li"e his ol# self. 2Hey& Annie.4 He grins. An# his fa!e falls. 2/h& Da##y . . .4 I r sh to his si#e& an# in a 'ery n!hara!teristi! mo'e& heopens his arms %i#e an# h gs me. 2Annie.4 he %hispers. 2-hat is it.4 He hol#s me tight an# "isses my hair. AsI$m in his arms& I reali)e ho% rare these moments bet%een s ha'e been. -hy isthat. Is that %hy I li"e to !ra%l into 3hristian$s lap. After a moment& I p ll a%ayfrom him an# sit #o%n in the !hair besi#e the be#. Ray$s bro% is f rro%e# %ith!on!ern. 2(ell yo r ol# man.4 I sha"e my hea#. He #oesn$t nee# my problems right no%. 2It$s nothing& Da#. 5o loo" %ell.4 I !lasp his han#. 2Feeling more li"e myself& tho gh this leg in a !ast is bit!hin$.4 2>it!hin$.4 His %or# prompts my smile. He smiles ba!". 2>it!hin$ so n#s better than it!hin$.4 2/h& Da#& I am so gla# yo $re o"ay.4 2Me& too& Annie. I$# li"e to bo n!e some gran#!hil#ren on this bit!hin$ "neeone #ay. -o l#n$t %ant to miss that for the %orl#.4 I blin" at him. Shit. Does he "no%. An# I fight the tears that pri!" the !ornersof my eyes. 25o an# 3hristian getting along.4 2-e ha# a fight&4 I %hisper& trying to spea" past the "not in my throat.2-e$ll %or" it o t.4 He no#s. 2He$s a fine man& yo r h sban#&4 Ray says reass ringly. 2He has his moments. -hat #i# the #o!tors say.4 I #on$t %ant to tal" abo tmy h sban# right no%H he$s a painf l topi! of !on'ersation.>a!" at Es!ala& 3hristian is not home. 23hristian !alle# an# sai# that he$# be %or"ing late&4 Mrs. Dones informs meapologeti!ally. 4,*. 4A,+55, 2/h. (han"s for letting me "no%.4 -hy !o l#n$t he tell me. Dee)& he reallyis ta"ing his s l" to a %hole ne% le'el. I am briefly remin#e# of the fight o'er o r%e##ing 'o%s an# the ma=or tantr m he ha# then. > t I$m the aggrie'e# one here. 2-hat %o l# yo li"e to eat.4 Mrs. Dones has a #etermine#& steely glint inher eye. 26asta.4 She smiles. 2Spaghetti& penne& f silli.4 2Spaghetti& yo r >olognese.4 23oming p. An# Ana . . . yo sho l# "no% Mr. 0rey %as franti! this morn<ing %hen he tho ght yo $# left. He %as besi#e himself.4 She smiles fon#ly. /h . . . He$s still not home by nine. I am sitting at my #es" in the library& %on#ering%here he is. I !all him. 2Ana&4 he says& his 'oi!e !ool. 2Hi.4 He inhales softly. 2Hi&4 he says& his 'oi!e lo%er. 2Are yo !oming home.4 2@ater.4 2Are yo in the offi!e.4 25es. -here #i# yo e9pe!t me to be.4 -ith her. 2I$ll let yo go.4 -e both hang on the line& the silen!e stret!hing an# tightening bet%een s. 20oo#night& Ana&4 he says e'ent ally. 20oo#night& 3hristian.4 He hangs p. /h shit. I ga)e at my >la!">erry. I #on$t "no% %hat he e9pe!ts me to #o. I$mnot going to let him %al" all o'er me. 5es& he$s ma#& fair eno gh. I$m ma#. > t%e are %here %e are. I ha'en$t r n off loose<lippe# to my e9<pae#o lo'er. I %anthim to a!"no%le#ge that that is not an a!!eptable %ay to beha'e. I sit ba!" in my !hair& ga)ing at the billiar# table in the library& an# re!all f ntimes playing snoo"er. I pla!e my han# on my belly. Maybe it$s = st too early.Maybe this is

not meant to be . . . An# e'en as I thin" that& my s b!ons!io s iss!reaming no! If I terminate this pregnan!y& I %ill ne'er forgi'e myself;or3hristian. 2/h& >lip& %hat ha'e yo #one to s.4 I !an$t fa!e tal"ing to Fate. I!an$t fa!e tal"ing to anyone. I te9t her& promising to !all soon. 4,8. 4AA+55, >y ele'en& I !an no longer "eep my eyeli#s open. Resigne#& I hea# p to myol# room. 3 rling p beneath the # 'et& I finally let myself go& sobbing into mypillo%& great hea'ing nla#yli"e sobs of grief . . .My hea# is hea'y %hen I %a"e. 3risp fall light shines thro gh the great %in#o%sof my room. 0lan!ing at my alarm I see it$s se'en thirty. My imme#iate tho ghtis %here$s 3hristian. I sit p an# s%ing my legs o t of be#. /n the floor besi#ethe be# is 3hristian$s sil'er<gray tie& my fa'orite. It %asn$t there %hen I %ent tobe# last night. I pi!" it p an# stare at it& !aressing the sil"y material bet%een myth mbs an# forefingers& then h g it against my !hee". He %as here& %at!hing mesleep. An# a glimmer of hope spar"s #eep insi#e me.Mrs. Dones is b sy in the "it!hen %hen I arri'e #o%nstairs. 20oo# morning&4 she says brightly. 2Morning. 3hristian.4 I as". Her fa!e falls. 2He$s alrea#y left.4 2So he #i# !ome home.4 I nee# to !he!"& e'en tho gh I ha'e his tie ase'i#en!e. 2He #i#&4 she pa ses& 2Ana& please forgi'e me for spea"ing o t of t rn& b t#on$t gi'e p on him. He$s a st bborn man.4 I no# an# she stops. I$m s re my e9pression tells her I #o not %ant to #is! ssmy errant h sban# right no%.-hen I arri'e at %or"& I !he!" my e<mails. My heart leaps into o'er#ri'e %hen Isee there$s one from 3hristian. 4A0. 4AE+55,FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL 6ortlan#DateL September ,5& A0,, 07L45(oL Anastasia 0reyAna&I am flying #o%n to 6ortlan# to#ay.I ha'e some b siness to !on!l #e %ith -S?.I tho ght yo %o l# %ant to "no%.3hristian 0rey3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. /h. (ears pri!" my eyes. (hat$s it. My stoma!h flips. Shit! I am going to besi!". I ra!e to the po%#er room an# ma"e it = st in time& #epositing my brea"fastinto the toilet. I sin" to the floor of the ! bi!le an# p t my hea# in my han#s.3o l# I be any more miserable. After a %hile& there$s a gentle "no!" on the #oor. 2Ana.4 It$s Hannah. F !". 25es.4 2Are yo o"ay.4 2I$ll be o t in a moment.4 2>oy!e Fo9 is here to see yo .4 Shit. 2Sho% him into the meeting room. I$ll be there in a min te.4 2Do yo %ant some tea.4 26lease.4After my l n!h; another !ream !heese an# salmon bagel& %hi!h I manage to "eep#o%n;I sit staring listlessly at my !omp ter& loo"ing for inspiration an# %on#er<ing ho% 3hristian an# I are going to resol'e this h ge problem. My >la!">erry b ))es& ma"ing me = mp. I glan!e at the s!reen;it$s Mia.Dee)& that$s all I nee#& her g shing an# enth siasm. I hesitate& %on#ering if I !o l#= st ignore it& b t !o rtesy %ins o t. 2Mia&4 I ans%er brightly. 4A,. 4A4+55, 2-ell& hello there& Ana;long time no spea".4 (he male 'oi!e is familiar.F !"! My s!alp pri!"les an# all the hair on my bo#y stan#s to attention as a#ren<aline floo#s thro gh my system an# my %orl# stops spinning. It$s Da!" Hy#e.

4AA. 2Da!".4 My 'oi!e has #isappeare#& !ho"e# by fear. Ho% is he o t of =ail. -hy#oes he ha'e Mia$s phone. (he bloo# #rains from my fa!e& an# I feel #i))y. 25o #o remember me&4 he says& his tone soft. I sense his bitter smile. 25es. /f !o rse.4 My ans%er is a tomati! as my min# ra!es. 25o $re probably %on#ering %hy I !alle# yo .4 25es.4 Hang p. 2Don$t hang p. I$'e been ha'ing a !hat %ith yo r little sister<in<la%.4 -hat. Mia! 1o! 2-hat ha'e yo #one.4 I %hisper& trying to B ell my fear. 4AE. 4A7+55, 2@isten here& yo pri!"<teasing& gol#<#igging %hore. 5o f !"e# p my life.0rey f !"e# p my life. 5o o%e me. I ha'e the little bit!h %ith me no%. An#yo & that !o!"<s !"er yo marrie#& an# his %hole f !"ing family are going topay.4 Hy#e$s !ontempt an# bile sho!" me. His family. -hat the hell. 2-hat #o yo %ant.4 2I %ant his money. I really %ant his f !"ing money. If things ha# been #iffer<ent& it !o l# ha'e been me. So yo $re going to get it for me. I %ant fi'e million#ollars& to#ay.4 2Da!"& I #on$t ha'e a!!ess to that "in# of money.4 He snorts his #erision. 25o ha'e t%o ho rs to get it. (hat$s it;t%o ho rs.(ell no one or this little bit!h gets it. 1ot the !ops. 1ot yo r pri!" of a h sban#.1ot his se! rity team. I %ill "no% if yo #o. ?n#erstan#.4 He pa ses an# I try torespon#& b t pani! an# fear seal my throat. 25o n#erstan#!4 he sho ts. 25es&4 I %hisper. 2/r I %ill "ill her.4 I gasp. 2Feep yo r phone %ith yo . (ell no one or I$ll f !" her p before I "ill her.5o ha'e t%o ho rs.4 2Da!"& I nee# longer. (hree ho rs. Ho% #o I "no% that yo ha'e her.4 (he line goes #ea#. I gape in horror at the phone& my mo th par!he# %ithfear& lea'ing the nasty metalli! taste of terror. Mia& he has Mia. /r #oes he. Mymin# %hirrs at the obs!ene possibility& an# my stoma!h roils again. I thin" I$mgoing to be si!"& b t I inhale #eeply& trying to stea#y my pani!& an# the na seapasses. My min# ro!"ets thro gh the possibilities. (ell 3hristian. (ell (aylor.3all the poli!e. Ho% %ill Da!" "no%. Does he a!t ally ha'e Mia. I nee# time&time to thin"; b t I !an only a!!omplish that by follo%ing his instr !tions. I grabmy p rse an# hea# for the #oor. 2Hannah& I ha'e to go o t. I am not s re ho% long I$ll be. 3an!el my appoint<ments this afternoon. @et Eli)abeth "no% I ha'e to #eal %ith an emergen!y.4 2S re& Ana. E'erything o"ay.4 Hannah fro%ns& !on!ern et!he# on her fa!e asshe %at!hes me flee. 25es&4 I !all ba!" #istra!te#ly& h rrying to%ar# re!eption %here Sa%yer is%aiting. 4A4. 4A:+55, 2Sa%yer.4 He leaps p from the arm!hair at the so n# of my 'oi!e& an#fro%ns %hen he sees my fa!e. 2I$m not feeling %ell. 6lease ta"e me home.4 2S re& ma$am. Do yo %ant to %ait here %hile I get the !ar.4 21o& I$ll !ome %ith yo . I$m in a h rry to get home.4I ga)e o t the %in#o% in star" terror as I go o'er my plan. 0et home. 3hange.Fin# !he!"boo". Es!ape from Ryan an# Sa%yer someho%. 0o to ban". Hell& ho%m !h room #oes fi'e million #ollars ta"e p. -hat %ill it %eigh. -ill I nee# as it!ase. Sho l# I telephone the ban" in a#'an!e. Mia. Mia. -hat if he #oesn$tha'e Mia. Ho% !an I !he!". If I !all 0ra!e it %ill raise her s spi!ions& an# pos<sibly en#anger Mia. He sai# he %o l# "no%. I glan!e o t the ba!" %in#o% of theS?C. Am I being follo%e#. My heart ra!es as I e9amine the !ars follo%ing s.(hey loo" inno! o s eno gh. /h& Sa%yer& #ri'e faster. 6lease.

My eyes fli!"er tomeet his in the rear'ie% mirror an# his bro% !reases. Sa%yer presses a b tton on his >l etooth hea#set to ans%er a !all. 2( . . . I%ante# to let yo "no% Mrs. 0rey is %ith me.4 Sa%yer$s eyes meet mine on!emore before he loo"s ba!" at the roa# an# !ontin es. 2She$s n%ell. I$m ta"ingher ba!" to Es!ala . . . I see . . . Sir.4 Sa%yer$s eyes fli!" from the roa# to mine inthe rear'ie% mirror again. 25es&4 he agrees an# hangs p. 2(aylor.4 I %hisper. He no#s. 2He$s %ith Mr. 0rey.4 25es& ma$am.4 Sa%yer$s loo" softens in sympathy. 2Are they still in 6ortlan#.4 25es& ma$am.4 0oo#. I ha'e to "eep 3hristian safe. My han# strays #o%n to my belly& an# Ir b it !ons!io sly. An# yo & @ittle >lip. Feep yo both safe. 23an %e h rry please. I$m not feeling %ell.4 25es& ma$am.4 Sa%yer presses the a!!elerator an# o r !ar gli#es thro gh thetraffi!. 4A5. 4A*+55,Mrs. Dones is no%here to be seen %hen Sa%yer an# I arri'e at the apartment.Sin!e her !ar is missing from the garage& I ass me she$s r nning erran#s %ith Ry<an. Sa%yer hea#s for (aylor$s offi!e %hile I bolt to 3hristian$s st #y. St mblingin pani! aro n# his #es"& I %ren!h open the #ra%er to fin# the !he!"boo"s.@eila$s g n sli#es for%ar# into 'ie%. I feel an in!ongr o s t%inge of annoyan!ethat 3hristian has not se! re# this %eapon. He "no%s nothing abo t g ns. Dee)& he!o l# get h rt. After a moment$s hesitation& I grab the pistol& !he!" to ens re it$s loa#e#& an#t !" it into the %aistban# of my bla!" sla!"s. I may nee# it. I s%allo% har#. I$'eonly e'er pra!ti!e# on targets. I$'e ne'er fire# a g n at anyoneH I hope Ray %illforgi'e me. I t rn my attention to tra!"ing #o%n the right !he!"boo". (here arefi'e& an# only one is in the names of 3. 0rey an# Mrs. A. 0rey. I ha'e abo t fifty< fo r tho san# #ollars in my o%n a!!o nt. I ha'e no i#ea ho% m !h money is inthis one. > t 3hristian m st be goo# for fi'e million #ollars& s rely. 6erhapsthere$s money in the safe. 3rap. I ha'e no i#ea of the n mber. Di#n$t he mentionthe !ombination %as it his filing !abinet. I try the !abinet& b t it$s lo!"e#. Shit.I$ll ha'e to sti!" to plan A. I ta"e a #eep breath an#& in a more !ompose# b t #etermine# manner& stri#eto o r be#room. (he be# has been ma#e& an# for a moment& I feel a pang. 6erhapsI sho l# ha'e slept here last night. -hat is the point of arg ing %ith someone%ho& by their o%n a#mission& is Fifty Sha#es. He$s not e'en tal"ing to me no%.1o;I #o not ha'e time to thin" abo t this. O i!"ly& I !hange o t of my sla!"s& p lling on =eans& a hoo#e# s%eatshirt&an# a pair of snea"ers an# p t the g n in the %aistban# of my =eans& at my ba!".From the !loset I fish o t a large soft # ffle bag. -ill fi'e million #ollars fit intothis. 3hristian$s gym bag is lying there on the floor. I open it& e9pe!ting to fin# itf ll of #irty la n#ry& b t no; his gym "it is !lean an# fresh. Mrs. Dones #oes in<#ee# get e'ery%here. I # mp the !ontents onto the floor an# st ff his gym bag in<to my # ffle. (here& that sho l# #o it. I !he!" that I ha'e my #ri'er$s li!ense asi#entifi!ation for the ban" an# !he!" the time. It$s been thirty<one min tes sin!eDa!" !alle#. 1o% I = st ha'e to get o t of Es!ala %itho t Sa%yer seeing me. I ma"e my %ay slo%ly an# B ietly to the foyer& a%are of the 33(C !amera%hi!h is traine# on the ele'ator. I thin" Sa%yer$s still in (aylor$s offi!e. 3a <tio sly& I open the foyer #oor& ma"ing as little noise as possible. Sh tting it B ietly

4A7. 4A8+55,behin# me& I stan# on the 'ery threshol#& p against the #oor& o t of the 'ie% ofthe 33(C lens. I fish my !ell phone o t of my p rse an# !all Sa%yer. 2Mrs. 0rey.4 2Sa%yer& I$m in the room pstairs& %ill yo gi'e me a han# %ith something.4I "eep my 'oi!e lo%& "no%ing he$s = st #o%n the hall%ay on the other si#e of this#oor. 2I$ll be right %ith yo & ma$am&4 he says& an# I hear his !onf sion. I$'e ne'ertelephone# him for help before. My heart is in my throat& po n#ing in a =arring&freneti! rhythm. -ill this %or". I hang p an# listen as his footsteps !ross thehall%ay an# go p the stairs. I ta"e another #eep stea#ying breath an# briefly !on<template the irony of es!aping from my o%n home li"e a felon. /n!e Sa%yer$s rea!he# the pstairs lan#ing& I ra!e to the ele'ator an# p n!hthe !all b tton. (he #oors sli#e open %ith the too<lo # ping that anno n!es the el<e'ator is rea#y. I #ash insi#e an# franti!ally stab the b tton for the basement gar<age. After an agoni)ing pa se& the #oors slo%ly start to sli#e sh t& an# as they #o Ihear Sa%yer$s !ries. 2Mrs. 0rey!4 D st as the ele'ator #oors !lose& I see him s"i# into the foyer.2Ana!4 he sho ts in #isbelief. > t he$s too late& an# he #isappears from 'ie%. (he ele'ator sin"s smoothly #o%n to the garage le'el. I ha'e a !o ple ofmin tes$ start on Sa%yer& an# I "no% he$ll try to stop me. I glan!e longingly atmy R* as I r sh to the Saab& open the #oor& toss the # ffel bag onto the passengerseat& an# sli#e into the #ri'er$s seat. I start the !ar& an# the tires sB eal as I ra!e to the entran!e an# %ait ele'enagoni)ing se!on#s for the barrier to lift. (he instant it$s !lear I #ri'e o t& !at!hingsight of Sa%yer in my rear'ie% mirror as he #ashes o t of ser'i!e ele'ator into thegarage. His be%il#ere#& in= re# e9pression ha nts me as I t rn off the ramp ontoFo rth A'en e. I let o t my long hel# breath. I "no% Sa%yer %ill !all 3hristian or (aylor& b tI$ll #eal %ith that %hen I ha'e to;I #on$t ha'e time to #%ell on it no%. I sB irm n!omfortably in my seat& "no%ing in my heart of hearts that Sa%yer$s probablylost his =ob. Don$t #%ell. I ha'e to sa'e Mia. I ha'e to get to the ban" an# !olle!tfi'e million #ollars. I glan!e in the rear'ie% mirror& ner'o sly anti!ipating thesight of the S?C b rsting forth from the garage& b t as I #ri'e a%ay& there$s nosign of Sa%yer. 4A:. 4E0+55,(he ban" is slee"& mo#ern& an# n#erstate#. (here are h she# tones& e!hoingfloors& an# pale green et!he# glass e'ery%here. I stri#e to the information #es". 2May I help yo & ma$am.4 (he yo ng %oman gi'es me a bright& insin!eresmile& an# for a moment I regret !hanging into =eans. 2I$# li"e to %ith#ra% a large s m of money.4 Ms. Insin!ere Smile ar!hes an e'en more insin!ere eyebro%. 25o ha'e an a!!o nt %ith s.4 She fails to hi#e her sar!asm. 25es&4 I snap. 2My h sban# an# I ha'e se'eral a!!o nts here. His name is3hristian 0rey.4 Her eyes %i#en fra!tionally an# insin!erity gi'es %ay to sho!". Her eyess%eep p an# #o%n me on!e more& this time %ith a !ombination of #isbelief an#a%e. 2(his %ay& ma$am&4 she %hispers& an# lea#s me to a small& sparsely f rnishe#offi!e %alle# %ith more green<et!he# glass. 26lease ta"e a seat.4 She gest res to a bla!" leather !hair by a glass #es"bearing a state<of<the<art !omp ter an# phone. 2Ho% m !h %ill yo be %ith#ra%<ing to#ay& Mrs. 0rey.4 she as"s pleasantly. 2Fi'e million #ollars.4 I loo" her straight in the eye as if I as" for this amo ntof !ash e'ery #ay. She blan!hes. 2I see. I$ll fet!h the manager. /h& forgi'e me for as"ing& b t #oyo

ha'e ID.4 2I #o. > t I$# li"e to spea" to the manager.4 2/f !o rse& Mrs. 0rey.4 She s! rries o t. I sin" into the seat& an# a %a'e ofna sea %ashes o'er me as the g n presses n!omfortably into the small of myba!". 1ot no%. I !an$t be si!" no%. I ta"e a #eep !leansing breath& an# the %a'epasses. 1er'o sly& I !he!" my %at!h. (%enty<fi'e past t%o. A mi##le<age# man enters the room. He has a re!e#ing hairline& b t %ears asharp& e9pensi'e !har!oal s it an# mat!hing tie. He hol#s o t his han#. 2Mrs. 0rey. I$m (roy -helan.4 He smiles& %e sha"e& an# he sits #o%n at the#es" opposite me. 2My !olleag e tells me yo $# li"e to %ith#ra% a large amo nt of money.4 2(hat$s !orre!t. Fi'e million #ollars.4 He t rns to his slee" !omp ter an# taps in a fe% n mbers. 2-e normally as" for some noti!e for large amo nts of money.4 He pa ses&an# flashes me a reass ring b t s per!ilio s smile. 2Fort nately& ho%e'er& %e 4A*. 4E,+55,hol# the !ash reser'e for the entire 6a!ifi! 1orth%est&4 he boasts. Dee)& is he try<ing to impress me. 2Mr. -helan& I$m in a h rry. -hat #o I nee# to #o. I ha'e my #ri'er$s li<!ense& an# o r =oint a!!o nt !he!"boo". Do I = st %rite a !he!".4 2First things first& Mrs. 0rey. May I see the ID.4 He s%it!hes from =o'ialsho%<off to serio s ban"er. 2Here.4 I han# o'er my li!ense. 2Mrs. 0rey . . . this says Anastasia Steele.4 /h shit. 2/h . . . yes. ?m.4 2I$ll !all Mr. 0rey.4 2/h no& that %on$t be ne!essary.4 Shit! 2I m st ha'e something %ith my mar<rie# name.4 I rifle thro gh my p rse. -hat #o I ha'e %ith my name on it. I p llo t my %allet& open it an# fin# a photograph of 3hristian an# me& on the be# inFair @a#y$s !abin. I !an$t sho% him that! I #ig o t my bla!" Ame9. 2Here.4 2Mrs. Anastasia 0rey&4 -helan rea#s. 25es& that sho l# #o.4 He fro%ns.2(his is highly irreg lar& Mrs. 0rey. 2Do yo %ant me to let my h sban# "no% that yo r ban" has been less than!ooperati'e.4 I sB are my sho l#ers an# gi'e him my most forbi##ing stare. He pa ses& momentarily reassessing me& I thin". 25o $ll nee# to %rite a!he!"& Mrs. 0rey.4 2S re. (his a!!o nt.4 I sho% him my !he!"boo"& trying to B ell my po n#<ing heart 2(hat$ll be fine. I$ll also nee# yo to !omplete some a##itional paper%or". Ifyo $ll e9! se me for a moment.4 I no#& an# he rises an# stal"s o t of the offi!e. Again& I release my hel#breath. I ha# no i#ea this %o l# be so #iffi! lt. 3l msily& I open my !he!"boo"an# p ll a pen o t of my p rse. Do I = st ma"e it o t to !ash. I ha'e no i#ea. -ithsha"ing fingers I %riteL Fi'e million #ollars. Y5&000&000. /h 0o#& I hope I$m #oing the right thing. Mia& thin" of Mia. I !an$t tellanyone. Da!"$s !hilling& rep gnant %or#s ha nt me. 2(ell no one or I$ll f !" her pbefore I "ill her.4 Mr. -helan ret rns& pale<fa!e# an# sheepish. 4A8. 4EA+55, 2Mrs. 0rey. 5o r h sban# %ants to spea" %ith yo &4 he m rm rs an# pointsto the phone on the glass table bet%een s. -hat. 1o. 2He$s on line one. D st press the b tton. I$ll be o tsi#e.4 He has the gra!e toloo" embarrasse#. >ene#i!t Arnol# has nothing on -helan. I s!o%l at him& feel<ing the bloo# #rain from my fa!e again as he sh ffles o t of the offi!e. Shit! Shit! Shit! -hat am I going to say to 3hristian. He$ll "no%. He$ll inter<'ene. He$s a #anger to his sister. My han# trembles as I rea!h for the phone. Ihol# it against my ear& trying to !alm my errati! breathing& an# press

the b ttonfor line one. 2Hi&4 I m rm r& trying in 'ain to stea#y my ner'es. 25o $re lea'ing me.4 3hristian$s %or#s are an agoni)e#& breathless %hisper. -hat. 21o!4 My 'oi!e mirrors his. /h no. /h no. /h no;ho% !an he thin" that.(he money. He thin"s I$m going be!a se of the money. An# in moment of hor<rifi! !larity& I reali)e the only %ay I$m going to "eep 3hristian at arm$s length& o tof harm$s %ay& an# to sa'e his sister . . . is to lie. 25es&4 I %hisper. An# searing pain lan!es thro gh me& tears springing to myeyes. He gasps& almost a sob. 2Ana& I;4 He !ho"es. 1o! My han# !l t!hes my mo th as I stifle my %arring emotions. 23hristian&please. Don$t.4 I fight ba!" tears. 25o $re going.4 he says. 25es.4 2> t %hy the !ash. -as it al%ays the money.4 His tort re# 'oi!e is barelya #ible. 1o! (ears roll #o%n my fa!e. 21o&4 I %hisper. 2Is fi'e million eno gh.4 /h please& stop! 25es.4 2An# the baby.4 His 'oi!e is a breathless e!ho. -hat. My han# mo'es from my mo th to my belly. 2I$ll ta"e !are of thebaby&4 I m rm r. My @ittle >lip . . . o r @ittle >lip. 2(his is %hat yo %ant.4 1o! 4E0. 4EE+55, 25es.4 He inhales sharply. 2(a"e it all&4 he hisses. 23hristian&4 I sob. 2It$s for yo . For yo r family. 6lease. Don$t.4 2(a"e it all& Anastasia.4 23hristian;4 An# I nearly !a'e. 1early tell him;abo t Da!"& abo t Mia&abo t the ransom. D st tr st me& please! I silently beg him. 2I$ll al%ays lo'e yo .4 His 'oi!e is hoarse. He hangs p. 23hristian! 1o . . . I lo'e yo & too.4 An# all the st pi# shit that %e p t ea!hother thro gh o'er the last fe% #ays fa#es into insignifi!an!e. I promise# I$# ne'<er lea'e him. I am not lea'ing yo . I am sa'ing yo r sister. I sl mp into the !hair&%eeping !opio sly into my han#s. I am interr pte# by a timi# "no!" on the #oor. -helan enters& tho gh Iha'en$t a!"no%le#ge# him. He loo"s e'ery%here b t at me. He$s mortifie#. 5o !alle# him& yo bastar#! I glare at him. 25o ha'e !arte blan!he& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says. 2Mr. 0rey has agree# to liB e<fy some of his assets. He says yo !an ha'e %hate'er yo nee#.4 2I = st nee# fi'e million #ollars&4 I m tter thro gh gritte# teeth. 25es ma$am. Are yo all right.4 2Do I loo" all right.4 I snap. 2I$m sorry& ma$am. Some %ater.4 I no#& s llenly. I ha'e = st left my h sban#. -ell& 3hristian thin"s I ha'e. Mys b!ons!io s p rses her lips. >e!a se yo tol# him so. 2I$ll ha'e my !olleag e bring yo some %hile I prepare the money. If yo !o l# = st sign here& ma$am . . . an# ma"e the !he!" o t to !ash an# sign that&too.4 He pla!es a form on the table. I s!ra%l my signat re along the #otte# line ofthe !he!"& then the form. Anastasia 0rey. (ear#rops fall on the #es"& narro%lymissing the paper%or". 2I$ll ta"e those& ma$am. It %ill ta"e s abo t half an ho r to prepare themoney.4 I B i!"ly !he!" my %at!h. Da!" sai# t%o ho rs;that sho l# ta"e s to t%oho rs. I no# to -helan& an# he tiptoes o t of the offi!e& lea'ing me to my misery. A fe% moments& min tes& ho rs later;I #on$t "no%;Miss Insin!ere Smilereenters %ith a !arafe of %ater an# a glass. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 she says softly as she pla!es the glass on the #es" an# fills it. 4E,. 4E4+55, 2(han" yo .4 I ta"e the glass an# #rin" gratef lly. She e9its& lea'ing me %ithmy = mble#& frightene# tho ghts. I %ill fi9 things %ith 3hristian someho% . . . ifit$s not too late. At least he$s o t of the pi!t re. Right no% I ha'e to !on!entrateon Mia. S ppose Da!" is lying. S ppose he

#oesn$t ha'e her. S rely I sho l# !allthe poli!e. 2(ell no one or I$ll f !" her p before I "ill her.4 I !an$t. I sit ba!" in the!hair& feeling the reass ring presen!e of @eila$s pistol at my %aist& #igging intomy ba!". -ho %o l# ha'e tho ght I$# e'er feel gratef l that @eila on!e p lle# ag n on me. /h& Ray& I$m so gla# yo ta ght me ho% to shoot. Ray! I gasp. He$ll be e9pe!ting me to 'isit this e'ening. 6erhaps I !an simply# mp the money %ith Da!". He !an r n %hile I ta"e Mia home. /h& this so n#sabs r#! My >la!">erry = mps to life& 25o r @o'e is Fing4 filling the room. /h no!-hat #oes 3hristian %ant. (o t%ist the "nife in my %o n#s. 2-as it al%ays the money.4 /h& 3hristian ;ho% !o l# yo thin" that. Anger flares in my g t. 5es& anger.It helps. I sen# the !all to 'oi!e mail. I$ll #eal %ith my h sban# later. (here$s a "no!" on the #oor. 2Mrs. 0rey.4 It$s -helan. 2(he money is rea#y.4 2(han" yo .4 I stan# p an# the room spins momentarily. I !l t!h the !hair. 2Mrs. 0rey& are yo feeling o"ay.4 I no# an# gi'e him a ba!"<off<no%<mister stare. I ta"e another #eep !almingbreath. I ha'e to #o this. I ha'e to #o this. I m st sa'e Mia. I p ll the hem of myhoo#e# s%eatshirt #o%n& !on!ealing the b tt of the pistol in the ba!" of my =eans. Mr. -helan fro%ns b t hol#s open the #oor& an# I propel myself for%ar# onmy sha"ing limbs. Sa%yer is %aiting at the entran!e& s!anning the p bli! area. Shit! / r eyesmeet& an# he fro%ns at me& ga ging my rea!tion. /h& he$s ma#. I hol# p my in<#e9 finger in a %ith< yo <in<a<min te gest re. He no#s an# ans%ers a !all on his!ell phone. Shit! I bet that$s 3hristian. I t rn abr ptly& almost !olli#ing %ith-helan right behin# me& an# bolt ba!" into the little offi!e. 2Mrs. 0rey.4 -helan so n#s !onf se# as he follo%s me ba!" in. Sa%yer !o l# blo% this %hole plan. I ga)e p at -helan. 2(here$s someone o t there I #on$t %ant to see. Someone follo%ing me.4 -helan$s eyes %i#en. 4EA. 4E5+55, 2Do yo %ant me to !all the poli!e.4 21o!4 Holy f !"& no. -hat am I going to #o. I glan!e at my %at!h. It$snearly three fifteen. Da!" %ill !all any moment. (hin"& Ana& thin"! -helan ga)esat me in gro%ing #esperation an# be%il#erment. He m st thin" I$m !ra)y. 5o are!ra)y& my s b!ons!io s snaps. 2I nee# to ma"e a !all. 3o l# yo gi'e me some pri'a!y& please.4 23ertainly&4 -helan ans%ers;gratef l& I thin"& to lea'e the room. -henhe$s !lose# the #oor& I !all Mia$s !ell phone %ith trembling fingers. 2-ell& if it isn$t my pay!he!"&4 Da!" ans%ers s!ornf lly. I #on$t ha'e time for his b llshit. 2I ha'e a problem.4 2I "no%. 5o r se! rity follo%e# yo to the ban".4 -hat. Ho% the hell #oes he "no%. 25o $ll ha'e to lose him. I ha'e a !ar %aiting at the ba!" of the ban". >la!"S?C& a Do#ge. 5o ha'e three min tes to get there.4 (he Do#ge! 2It may ta"e longer than three min tes.4 My heart leaps into my throat on!emore. 25o $re bright for a gol#<#igging %hore& 0rey. 5o fig re it o t. An# # mpyo r !ell phone on!e yo rea!h the 'ehi!le. 0ot it& bit!h.4 25es.42Say it!4 he snaps. 2I$'e got it.4 He hangs p. Shit! I open the #oor to fin# -helan %aiting patiently o tsi#e. 2Mr. -helan& I$ll nee# some help ta"ing the bags to my !ar. It$s par"e# o t<si#e& at the ba!" of the ban". Do yo ha'e an e9it at the rear.4 He fro%ns. 2-e #o& yes. For staff.4 23an %e lea'e that %ay. I !an a'oi# the n%el!ome attention at the #oor.4 2As yo %ish& Mrs. 0rey. I$ll ha'e t%o !ler"s help %ith the bags

an# t%o se<! rity g ar#s to s per'ise. If yo !o l# follo% me.4 2I ha'e one more fa'or to as" yo .4 2>y all means& Mrs. 0rey.4 4EE. 4E7+55,(%o min tes later my ento rage an# I are o t on the street& hea#ing o'er to theDo#ge. Its %in#o%s are bla!"e# o t& an# I !an$t tell %ho$s at the %heel. > t as %eapproa!h& the #ri'er$s #oor s%ings open& an# a %oman !la# in bla!" %ith a bla!"!ap p lle# lo% o'er her fa!e !limbs gra!ef lly o t of the !ar. Eli)abeth! Shemo'es to the rear of the S?C an# opens the tr n". (he t%o yo ng ban" !ler"s !ar<rying the money sling the hea'y bags into the ba!". 2Mrs. 0rey.4 She has the ner'e to smile as if %e are off on a frien#ly =a nt. 2Eli)abeth.4 My greeting is ar!ti!. 21i!e to see yo o tsi#e %or".4 Mr. -helan !lears this throat. 2-ell& it$s been an interesting afternoon& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says. An# I amfor!e# to obser'e the so!ial ni!eties of sha"ing his han# an# than"ing him %hilemy min# reels. Eli)abeth. -hat the hell. -hy is she mi9e# p %ith Da!".-helan an# his team #isappear ba!" into the ban"& lea'ing me alone %ith thehea# of personnel at SI6 %ho$s in'ol'e# in "i#napping& e9tortion& an# 'ery pos<sibly other felonies. -hy. Eli)abeth opens the rear passenger #oor an# shers me in. 25o r phone& Mrs. 0rey.4 she as"s& %at!hing me %arily. I han# it to her& an#she tosses it into a nearby trash!an. 2(hat %ill thro% the #ogs off the s!ent&4 she says sm gly. -ho is this %oman. Eli)abeth slams my #oor sh t an# !limbs into the#ri'er$s seat. I glan!e an9io sly behin# me as she p lls o t into the traffi!& goingeast. Sa%yer is no%here to be seen. 2Eli)abeth& yo ha'e the money. 3all Da!". (ell him to let Mia go.4 2I thin" he %ants to than" yo in person.4 Shit! I glare at her stonily in the rear'ie% mirror. She pales an# an an9io s s!o%l mars her other%ise lo'ely fa!e. 2-hy are yo #oing this& Eli)abeth. I tho ght yo #i#n$t li"e Da!".4 She glan!es at me again briefly in the mirror& an# I see a fleeting loo" of painin her eyes. 2Ana& %e$ll get along = st fine if yo "eep yo r mo th sh t.4 2> t yo !an$t #o this. (his is so %rong.4 2O iet&4 she says& b t I sense her nease. 2Does he ha'e some "in# of hol# on yo .4 I as". Her eyes shoot to mine an#she slams on the bra"es& thro%ing me for%ar# so har# I hit my fa!e against thehea#rest of the front seat. 4E4. 4E:+55, 2I sai# be B iet&4 she snarls. 2An# I s ggest yo p t on yo r seatbelt.4 An# in that moment I "no% that he #oes. Something so a%f l that she$s pre<pare# to #o this for him. I %on#er briefly %hat that !o l# be. (heft from the !om<pany. Something from her pri'ate life. Something se9 al. I sh ##er at thetho ght. 3hristian sai# that none of Da!"$s 6As %o l# tal". 6erhaps it$s the samestory %ith all of them. (hat$s %hy he %ante# to f !" me& too. >ile rises in mythroat %ith re' lsion at the tho ght. Eli)abeth hea#s a%ay from #o%nto%n Seattle an# p into the hills to the east.>efore long %e$re #ri'ing thro gh resi#ential streets. I !at!h sight of one of thestreet signsL S/?(H IRCI10 S(REE(. She ta"es a sharp left onto a #eserte# street%ith a #ilapi#ate# !hil#ren$s playgro n# on one si#e an# a large !on!rete par"inglot flan"e# by a ro% of sB at& empty bri!" b il#ings on the other. Eli)abeth p llsinto the par"ing lot an# stops o tsi#e the last of the bri!" nits. She t rns to me. 2Sho%time&4 she m rm rs. My s!alp pri!"les as

fear an# a#renaline !o rse thro gh my bo#y. 25o #on$t ha'e to #o this&4 I %hisper ba!". Her mo th flattens into a grimline& an# she !limbs o t of the !ar. (his is for Mia. (his is for Mia. I B i!"ly pray& 6lease let her be o"ay& pleaselet her be o"ay. 20et o t&4 Eli)abeth snaps& yan"ing the rear passenger #oor open. Shit. As I !lamber o t& my legs are sha"ing so har# I %on#er if I !an stan#.(he !ool late<afternoon bree)e !arries the s!ent of the !oming fall an# the !hal"y&# sty smell of #ereli!t b il#ings. 2-ell& loo"ee here.4 Da!" emerges from a small& boar#e#< p #oor%ay on theleft of the b il#ing. His hair is short. He$s remo'e# his earrings an# he$s %earinga s it. A s it. He ambles to%ar# me& oo)ing arrogan!e an# hate. My heart ratespi"es. 2-here$s Mia.4 I stammer& my mo th so #ry I !an har#ly form the %or#s. 2First things first& bit!h&4 Da!" sneers& !oming to a halt in front of me. I !anpra!ti!ally taste his !ontempt. 2(he money.4 Eli)abeth is !he!"ing the bags in the tr n". 2(here$s a hell of a lot of !ashhere&4 she says in a%e& )ipping an# n)ipping ea!h bag. 2An# her !ell.4 2In the trash.4 4E5. 4E*+55, 20oo#&4 Da!" snarls& an# from no%here he lashes o t& ba!"han#ing me har#a!ross the fa!e. (he fero!io s& npro'o"e# blo% "no!"s me to the gro n#& an#my hea# bo n!es %ith a si!"ening th # off the !on!rete. 6ain e9plo#es in myhea#& my eyes fill %ith tears& an# my 'ision bl rs as the sho!" of the impa!t res<onates& nleashing agony that p lses thro gh my s" ll. I s!ream a silent !ry of s ffering an# sho!"e# terror. /h no ;@ittle >lip. Da!"follo%s thro gh %ith a s%ift& 'i!io s "i!" to my ribs& an# my breath is blaste#from my l ngs by the for!e of the blo%. S!r n!hing my eyes tightly& I try to fightthe na sea an# pain& to fight for a pre!io s breath. @ittle >lip& @ittle >lip& oh my@ittle >lip; 2(hat$s for SI6& yo f !"ing bit!h!4 Da!" s!reams. I p ll my legs p& h ##ling into a ball an# anti!ipating the ne9t blo%. 1o. 1o.1o. 2Da!"!4 Eli)abeth s!ree!hes. 21ot here. 1ot in broa# #aylight for f !"$ssa"e!4 He pa ses. 2(he bit!h #eser'es it!4 he gloats to Eli)abeth. An# it gi'es me one pre!io sse!on# to rea!h aro n# an# p ll the g n from the %aistban# of my =eans. Sha"ily&I aim at him& sB ee)e the trigger& an# fire. (he b llet hits him = st abo'e the "nee&an# he !ollapses in front of me& !rying o t in agony& !l t!hing his thigh as his fin<gers re##en %ith his bloo#. 2F !"!4 Da!" bello%s. I t rn to fa!e Eli)abeth& an# she$s gaping at me in hor<ror an# raising her han#s abo'e her hea#. She bl rs . . . #ar"ness !loses in. Shit . . .She$s at the en# of a t nnel. Dar"ness !ons ming her. 3ons ming me. From fara%ay& all hell brea"s loose. 3ars s!ree!hing . . . bra"es . . . #oors . . . sho ting . . .r nning . . . footsteps. (he g n #rops from my han#. 2Ana!4 3hristian$s 'oi!e . . . 3hristian$s 'oi!e . . . 3hristian$s agoni)e# 'oi!e.Mia . . . sa'e Mia. 2A1A!4 Dar"ness . . . pea!e. 4E7. (here is only pain. My hea#& my !hest . . . b rning pain. My si#e& my arm. 6ain.6ain an# h she# %or#s in the gloom. -here am I. (ho gh I try& I !annot open myeyes. (he %hispere# %or#s be!ome !learer . . . a bea!on in the #ar"ness. 2Her ribs are br ise#& Mr. 0rey& an# she has a hairline fra!t re to her s" ll&b t her 'ital signs are stable an# strong.4 2-hy is she still n!ons!io s.4 2Mrs. 0rey has ha# a ma=or !ont sion to her hea#. > t her

brain a!ti'ity isnormal& an# she has no !erebral s%elling. She$ll %a"e %hen she$s rea#y. D st gi'eher some time.4 4E:. 440+55, 2An# the baby.4 (he %or#s are ang ishe#& breathless. 2(he baby$s fine& Mr. 0rey.4 2/h& than" 0o#.4 (he %or#s are a litany . . . a prayer. 2/h& than" 0o#.4 /h my. He$s %orrie# abo t the baby . . . the baby. . . . @ittle >lip. /f !o rse.My @ittle >lip. I try in 'ain to mo'e my han# to my belly. 1othing mo'es& noth<ing respon#s. 2An# the baby. . . . /h& than" 0o#.4 @ittle >lip is safe. 2An# the baby. . . . /h& than" 0o#.4 He !ares abo t the baby. 2An# the baby. . . . /h& than" 0o#.4 He %ants the baby. /h than" 0o#. I rela9& an# n!ons!io sness !laims meon!e more& stealing me a%ay from the pain.E'erything is hea'y an# a!hingL limbs& hea#& eyeli#s& nothing %ill mo'e. My eyesan# mo th are resol tely sh t& n%illing to open& lea'ing me blin# an# m te an#a!hing. As I s rfa!e from the fog& !ons!io sness ho'ers& a se# !ti'e siren = st o tof rea!h. So n#s be!ome 'oi!es. 2I$m not lea'ing her.4 3hristian! He$s here . . . I %ill myself to %a"e;his 'oi!e is straine#& an ag<oni)e# %hisper. 23hristian& yo sho l# sleep.4 21o& Da#. I %ant to be here %hen she %a"es p.4 2I$ll sit %ith her. It$s the least I !an #o after she sa'e# my #a ghter.4 Mia! 2Ho%$s Mia.4 2She$s groggy . . . s!are# an# angry. It$ll be a fe% ho rs before the Rohypnolis !ompletely o t of her system.4 23hrist.4 2I "no%. I$m feeling se'en "in#s of foolish for relenting on her se! rity. 5o %arne# me& b t Mia is so st bborn. If it %asn$t for Ana here . . .4 2-e all tho ght Hy#e %as o t of the pi!t re. An# my !ra)y& st pi#%ife;-hy #i#n$t she tell me.4 3hristian$s 'oi!e is f ll of ang ish. 4E*. 44,+55, 23hristian& !alm #o%n. Ana$s a remar"able yo ng %oman. She %as in!re#<ibly bra'e.4 2>ra'e an# hea#strong an# st bborn an# st pi#.4 His 'oi!e !ra!"s. 2Hey&4 3arri!" m rm rs& 2#on$t be so har# on her& or yo rself& son . . . I$#better get ba!" to yo r mom. It$s after three in the morning& 3hristian. 5o reallysho l# try to sleep.4 (he fog !loses in.(he fog lifts b t I ha'e no sense of time. 2If yo #on$t ta"e her a!ross yo r "nee& I s re as hell %ill. -hat the hell %asshe thin"ing.4 2(r st me& Ray& I = st might #o that.4 Da#! He$s here. I fight the fog . . . fight . . . > t I spiral #o%n on!e more intoobli'ion. 1o . . .2Dete!ti'e& as yo !an see& my %ife is no state to ans%er any of yo r B estions.43hristian is angry. 2She$s a hea#strong yo ng %oman& Mr. 0rey.4 2I %ish she$# "ille# the f !"er.4 2(hat %o l# ha'e meant more paper%or" for me& Mr. 0rey . . .4 2Miss Morgan is singing li"e the pro'erbial !anary. Hy#e$s a real t%iste# sonof a bit!h. He has a serio s gr #ge against yo r father an# yo . . .4 (he fog s rro n#s me on!e more& an# I$m #ragge# #o%n . . . #o%n. 1o!2-hat #o yo mean yo %eren$t tal"ing.4 It$s 0ra!e. She so n#s angry. I try tomo'e my hea#& b t I$m met %ith a reso n#ing& listless silen!e from my bo#y. 2-hat #i# yo #o.4 2Mom ;4 23hristian! -hat #i# yo #o.4 4E8. 44A+55, 2I %as so angry.4 It$s almost a sob . . . 1o. 2Hey . . .4 (he %orl# #ips an# bl rs an# I$m gone.I hear soft garble# 'oi!es. 25o tol# me yo $# ! t all ties.4 0ra!e is tal"ing. Her 'oi!e is B iet&a#monishing. 2I "no%.4 3hristian so n#s resigne#. 2> t seeing her finally p t it all in per<

spe!ti'e for me. 5o "no% . . . %ith the !hil#. For the first time I felt . . . -hat %e#i# . . . it %as %rong.4 2-hat she #i# #arling . . . 3hil#ren %ill #o that to yo . Ma"e yo loo" at the%orl# in a #ifferent light.4 2She finally got the message . . . an# so #i# I . . . I h rt Ana&4 he %hispers. 2-e al%ays h rt the ones %e lo'e& #arling. 5o $ll ha'e to tell her yo $resorry. An# mean it an# gi'e her time.4 2She sai# she %as lea'ing me.4 1o. 1o. 1o! 2Di# yo belie'e her.4 2At first& yes.4 2Darling& yo al%ays belie'e the %orst of e'eryone& in!l #ing yo rself. 5o al%ays ha'e. Ana lo'es yo 'ery m !h& an# it$s ob'io s yo lo'e her.4 2She %as ma# at me.4 2I$m s re she %as. I$m pretty ma# at yo right no%. I thin" yo !an only betr ly ma# at someone yo really lo'e.4 2I tho ght abo t it& an# she$s sho%n me o'er an# o'er ho% m !h she lo'esme . . . to the point of p tting her o%n life in #anger.4 25es& she has& #arling.4 2/h& Mom& %hy %on$t she %a"e p.4 His 'oi!e !ra!"s. 2I nearly lost her.4 3hristian! (here are m ffle# sobs. 1o . . . /h . . . the #ar"ness !loses in. 1o; 440. 44E+55,2It$s ta"en t%enty<fo r years for yo to let me hol# yo li"e this . . .4 2I "no%& Mom . . . I$m gla# %e tal"e#.4 2Me too& #arling. I$m al%ays here. I !an$t belie'e I$m going to be agran#mother.4 0ran#ma! S%eet obli'ion be!"ons.Hmm. His st bble softly s!rapes the ba!" of my han# as he sB ee)es my fingers. 2/h& baby& please !ome ba!" to me. I$m sorry. Sorry for e'erything. D st%a"e p. I miss yo . I lo'e yo . . .4 I try. I try. I %ant to see him. > t my bo#y #isobeys me& an# I fall asleep on!emore.I ha'e a pressing nee# to pee. I open my eyes. I$m in the !lean& sterile en'iron<ment of a hospital room. It$s #ar" e9!ept for a si#elight& an# all is B iet. My hea#an# my !hest a!he& b t more than that& my bla##er is b rsting. I nee# to pee. I testmy limbs. My right arm smarts& an# I noti!e the IC atta!he# to it on the insi#e ofmy elbo%. I sh t my eyes B i!"ly. ( rning my hea#;I$m please# that it respon#sto my %ill;I open my eyes again. 3hristian is asleep& sitting besi#e me an# lean<ing on my be# %ith his hea# on his fol#e# arms. I rea!h o t& gratef l on!e morethat my bo#y respon#s& an# r n my fingers thro gh his soft hair. He startles a%a"e& raising his hea# so s ##enly my han# falls %ea"ly ba!"onto the be#. 2Hi&4 I !roa". 2/h& Ana.4 His 'oi!e is !ho"e# an# relie'e#. He grasps my han#& sB ee)ingit tightly an# hol#ing it p against his ro gh& st bble# !hee". 2I nee# to se the bathroom&4 I %hisper. He gapes then fro%ns at me for a moment. 2/"ay.4 I str ggle to sit p. 2Ana& stay still. I$ll !all a n rse.4 He B i!"ly stan#s& alarme#& an# rea!hes fora b ))er on the be#si#e. 44,. 444+55, 26lease&4 I %hisper. -hy #o I a!he e'ery%here. 2I nee# to get p.4 Dee)& Ifeel so %ea". 2-ill yo #o as yo $re tol# for on!e.4 he snaps& e9asperate#. 2I really nee# to pee&4 I rasp. My throat an# mo th are so #ry. A n rse b stles into the room. She m st be in her fifties& tho gh her hair is =etbla!". She %ears o'erlarge pearl earrings. 2Mrs. 0rey %el!ome ba!". I$ll let Dr. >artley "no% yo $re a%a"e.4 Shema"es her %ay to my be#si#e. 2My name is 1ora. Do yo "no% %here yo are.4 25es. Hospital. I nee# to pee.4 25o ha'e a !atheter.4 -hat. /h this is gross. I glan!e an9io sly at 3hristian then ba!" to the n rse. 26lease. I %ant to get p.4 2Mrs. 0rey.4

26lease.4 2Ana&4 3hristian %arns. I str ggle to sit p on!e more. 2@et me remo'e yo r !atheter. Mr. 0rey I am s re Mrs. 0rey %o l# li"esome pri'a!y.4 She loo"s pointe#ly at 3hristian& #ismissing him. 2I$m not going any%here.4 He glares ba!" at her. 23hristian& please&4 I %hisper& rea!hing o t an# grasping his han#. >riefly hesB ee)es my han# then gi'es me an e9asperate# loo". 26lease&4 I beg. 2Fine!4 he snaps an# r ns his han# thro gh his hair. 25o ha'e t%o min tes&4he hisses at the n rse& an# he leans #o%n an# "isses my forehea# before t rningon his heel an# lea'ing the room.3hristian b rsts ba!" into the room t%o min tes later as 1 rse 1ora is helping meo t of be#. I$m #resse# in a thin hospital go%n. I #on$t remember being strippe#. 2@et me ta"e her&4 he says an# stri#es to%ar# s. 2Mr. 0rey& I !an manage.4 1 rse 1ora s!ol#s him. He gi'es her a hostile glare. 2Dammit& she$s my %ife. I$ll ta"e her.4 He saysthro gh gritte# teeth as he mo'es the IC stan# o t of his %ay. 2Mr. 0rey!4 she protests. 44A. 445+55, He ignores her& leans #o%n& an# gently lifts me off the be#. I %rap my armsaro n# his ne!"& my bo#y !omplaining. Dee)& I a!he e'ery%here. He !arries me tothe en s ite bathroom %hile 1 rse 1ora follo%s s& p shing the IC stan#. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo $re too light&4 he m tters #isappro'ingly as he sets me gentlyon my feet. I s%ay. My legs feel li"e Dell< /. 3hristian flips the light s%it!h& an#I$m momentarily blin#e# by the fl ores!ent lamp that pings an# fli!"ers to life. 2Sit before yo fall&4 he snaps& still hol#ing me. (entati'ely& I sit #o%n on the toilet. 20o.4 I try to %a'e him o t. 21o. D st pee& Ana.4 3o l# this be any more embarrassing. 2I !an$t& not %ith yo here.4 25o might fall.4 2Mr. 0rey!4 -e both ignore the n rse. 26lease&4 I beg. He raises his han#s in #efeat. 2I$ll stan# o tsi#e& #oor open.4 He ta"es a!o ple of pa!es ba!" ntil he$s stan#ing = st o tsi#e the #oor %ith the angryn rse. 2( rn aro n#& please&4 I as". -hy #o I feel so ri#i! lo sly shy %ith thisman. He rolls his eyes b t !omplies. An# %hen his ba!" is t rne# . . . I let go& an#sa'or the relief. I ta"e sto!" of my in= ries. My hea# h rts& my !hest a!hes %here Da!" "i!"e#me& an# my si#e throbs %here he p she# me to the gro n#. 6l s I$m thirsty an#h ngry. Dee)& really h ngry. I finish p& than"f l that I #on$t ha'e to get p to%ash my han#s& as the sin" is !lose. I = st #on$t ha'e the strength to stan#. 2I$m #one&4 I !all& #rying my han#s on the to%el. 3hristian t rns an# !omes ba!" in an# before I "no% it& I$m in his arms again.I ha'e misse# these arms. He pa ses an# b ries his nose in my hair. 2/h& I$'e misse# yo & Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers& an# %ith 1 rse 1ora f ssingbehin# him& he lays me ba!" on the be# an# releases me ;rel !tantly& I thin". 2If yo $'e B ite finishe#& Mr. 0rey& I$# li"e to !he!" o'er Mrs. 0rey no%.41 rse 1ora is ma#. He stan#s ba!". 2She$s all yo rs&4 he says in a more meas re# tone. She h ffs at him then t rns her attention ba!" to me. E9asperating isn$t he. 44E. 447+55, 2Ho% #o yo feel.4 she as"s me her 'oi!e la!e# %ith sympathy an# a tra!e ofirritation& %hi!h I s spe!t is for 3hristian$s benefit. 2Sore an# thirsty. Cery thirsty&4 I %hisper. 2I$ll fet!h yo some %ater on!e I$'e !he!"e# yo r 'itals an# Dr. >artley hase9amine# yo .4 She rea!hes for a bloo# press re ! ff an# %raps it aro n# my pper arm. Iglan!e an9io sly p at

3hristian. He loo"s #rea#f l;ha nte#& e'en;as if hehasn$t slept for #ays. His hair is a mess& he hasn$t sha'e# for a long time& an# hisshirt is ba#ly %rin"le#. I fro%n. 2Ho% are yo feeling.4 Ignoring the n rse& he sits #o%n on the be# o t ofarm$s rea!h. 23onf se#. A!hy. H ngry.4 2H ngry.4 He blin"s in s rprise. I no#. 2-hat #o yo %ant to eat.4 2Anything. So p.4 2Mr. 0rey& yo $ll nee# the #o!tor$s appro'al before Mrs. 0rey !an eat.4 He ga)es at her impassi'ely for a moment then ta"es his >la!">erry o t ofhis pants po!"et an# presses a n mber. 2Ana %ants !hi!"en so p . . . 0oo# . . . (han" yo .4 He hangs p. I glan!e at 1ora %hose eyes narro% at 3hristian. 2(aylor.4 I as" B i!"ly. 3hristian no#s. 25o r bloo# press re is normal& Mrs. 0rey. I$ll fet!h the #o!tor.4 She re<mo'es the ! ff an#& %itho t so m !h as another %or#& stal"s o t of the room& ra<#iating #isappro'al. 2I thin" yo ma#e 1 rse 1ora ma#.4 2I ha'e that effe!t on %omen.4 He smir"s. I la gh& then stop s ##enly as pain ra#iates thro gh my !hest. 25es& yo #o.4 2/h& Ana& I lo'e to hear yo la gh.4 1ora ret rns %ith a pit!her of %ater. -e both fall silent& ga)ing at ea!h otheras she po rs o t a glass an# han#s it to me. 2Small sips no%&4 she %arns. 25es& ma$am&4 I m tter an# ta"e a %el!ome sip of !ool %ater. /h my. Ittastes perfe!t. I ta"e another& an# 3hristian %at!hes me intently. 444. 44:+55, 2Mia.4 I as". 2She$s safe. (han"s to yo .4 2(hey #i# ha'e her.4 25es.4 All the ma#ness %as for a reason. Relief spirals thro gh my bo#y. (han"0o#& than" 0o#& than" 0o# she$s o"ay. I fro%n. 2Ho% #i# they get her.4 2Eli)abeth Morgan&4 he says simply. 21o!4 He no#s. 2She pi!"e# her p at Mia$s gym.4 I fro%n& still not n#erstan#ing. 2Ana& I$ll fill yo in on the #etails later. Mia is fine& all things !onsi#ere#.She %as #r gge#. She$s groggy no% an# sha"en p& b t by some mira!le she%asn$t harme#.4 3hristian$s =a% !len!hes. 2-hat yo #i#4;he r ns his han#thro gh his hair ;2%as in!re#ibly bra'e an# in!re#ibly st pi#. 5o !o l# ha'ebeen "ille#.4 His eyes bla)e a blea"& !hilling gray& an# I "no% he$s restraining hisanger. 2I #i#n$t "no% %hat else to #o&4 I %hisper. 25o !o l# ha'e tol# me!4 he says 'ehemently& fisting his han#s in his lap. 2He sai# he$# "ill her if I tol# anyone. I !o l#n$t ta"e that ris".4 3hristian !loses his eyes& #rea# et!he# in his fa!e. 2I ha'e #ie# a tho san# #eaths sin!e (h rs#ay.4 (h rs#ay. 2-hat #ay is it.4 2It$s almost Sat r#ay&4 he says& !he!"ing his %at!h. 25o $'e been n!on<s!io s for o'er t%enty<fo r ho rs.4 /h. 2An# Da!" an# Eli)abeth.4 2In poli!e ! sto#y. Altho gh Hy#e is here n#er g ar#. (hey ha# to remo'ethe b llet yo left in him&4 3hristian says bitterly. 2I #on$t "no% %here in thishospital he is& fort nately& or I$# probably "ill him myself.4 His fa!e #ar"ens. /h shit. Da!" is here. 2(hat$s for SI6 yo f !"ing bit!h!4 I pale. My empty stoma!h !on' lses&tears pri!" my eyes& an# a #eep sh ##er r ns thro gh me. 445. 44*+55, 2Hey.4 3hristian s!oots for%ar#& his 'oi!e fille# %ith !on!ern. (a"ing theglass from my han#& he ten#erly fol#s me into his arms. 25o $re safe no%&4 hem rm rs against my hair& his 'oi!e hoarse. 23hristian& I$m so sorry.4 My tears start to fall. 2H sh.4 He stro"es my hair& an# I %eep into his ne!". 2-hat I sai#. I %as ne'er going to lea'e yo .4 2H sh& baby& I "no%.4

25o #o.4 His a#mission halts my tears. 2I %or"e# it o t. E'ent ally. Honestly& Ana& %hat %ere yo thin"ing.4 Histone is straine#. 25o too" me by s rprise&4 I m tter into his shirt !ollar. 2-hen %e spo"e atthe ban". (hin"ing I %as lea'ing yo . I tho ght yo "ne% me better. I$'e sai# toyo o'er an# o'er I %o l# ne'er lea'e.4 2> t after the appalling %ay I$'e beha'e#;4 His 'oi!e is barely a #ible& an#his arms tighten aro n# me. 2I tho ght for a short time that I$# lost yo .4 21o& 3hristian. 1e'er. I #i#n$t %ant yo to interfere& an# p t Mia$s life in#anger.4 He sighs& an# I #on$t "no% if it$s from anger& e9asperation& or h rt. 2Ho% #i# yo %or" it o t.4 I as" B i!"ly to #istra!t him from his line oftho ght. He t !"s my hair behin# my ear. 2I$# = st to !he# #o%n in Seattle %hen theban" !alle#. @ast I$# hear#& yo %ere ill an# going home.4 2So yo %ere in 6ortlan# %hen Sa%yer !alle# yo from the !ar.4 2-e %ere = st abo t to ta"e off. I %as %orrie# abo t yo &4 he says softly. 25o %ere.4 He fro%ns. 2/f !o rse I %as.4 He s"irts his th mb o'er my bottom lip. 2Ispen# my life %orrying abo t yo . 5o "no% that.4 /h& 3hristian! 2Da!" !alle# me at the offi!e&4 I m rm r. 2He ga'e me t%o ho rs to get themoney.4 I shr g. 2I ha# to lea'e& an# it = st seeme# the best e9! se.4 3hristian$s mo th presses into a har# line. 2An# yo ga'e Sa%yer the slip.He$s ma# at yo & as %ell.4 2As %ell.4 2As %ell as me.4 447. 448+55, I tentati'ely to !h his fa!e& r nning my fingers o'er his st bble. He !loses hiseyes& leaning into my fingers. 2Don$t be ma# at me. 6lease&4 I %hisper. 2I am so ma# at yo . -hat yo #i# %as mon mentally st pi#. >or#ering oninsane.4 2I tol# yo & I #i#n$t "no% %hat else to #o.4 25o #on$t seem to ha'e any regar# for yo r personal safety. An# it$s not= st yo no%&4 he a##s angrily. My lip trembles. He$s thin"ing abo t o r @ittle >lip. (he #oor opens& startling s both& an# a yo ng Afri!an<Ameri!an %oman in a%hite !oat o'er gray s!r bs stri#es in. 20oo# e'ening& Mrs. 0rey. I$m Dr. >artley.4 She starts to e9amine me thoro ghly& shining a light in my eyes& ma"ing meto !h her fingers& then my nose %hile !losing first one eye an# then the other& an#!he!"ing all my refle9es. > t her 'oi!e is soft an# her to !h gentleH she has a%arm be#si#e manner. 1 rse 1ora =oins her& an# 3hristian %an#ers to the !ornerof the room an# ma"es some !alls %hile the t%o of them ten# to me. It$s har# to!on!entrate on Dr. >artley& 1 rse 1ora& an# 3hristian at the same time& b t I hearhim !all his father& my mother& an# Fate to say I$m a%a"e. Finally& he lea'es amessage for Ray. Ray. /h shit . . . A 'ag e memory of his 'oi!e !omes ba!" to me. He %ashere;yes& %hile I %as still n!ons!io s. Dr. >artley !he!"s my ribs& her fingers probing gently b t firmly. I %in!e. 2(hese are br ise#& not !ra!"e# or bro"en. 5o %ere 'ery l !"y& Mrs. 0rey.4 I s!o%l. @ !"y. 1ot the %or# I %o l# ha'e !hosen. 3hristian glo%ers at her&too. He mo ths something at me. I thin" it$s foolhar#y& b t I$m not s re. 2I$ll pres!ribe some pain"illers. 5o $ll nee# them for this an# for the hea#<a!he yo m st ha'e. > t all$s loo"ing as it sho l#& Mrs. 0rey. I s ggest yo getsome sleep. Depen#ing on ho% yo feel in the morning& %e may let yo go home.My !olleag e Dr. Singh %ill be atten#ing yo then.4 2(han" yo .4 (here$s a "no!" on the #oor& an# (aylor

enters bearing a bla!" !ar#boar# bo9%ith Fairmont /lympi! embla)one# in !ream on the si#e. Holy !o%! 44:. 450+55, 2Foo#.4 Dr. >artley says s rprise#. 2Mrs. 0rey is h ngry&4 3hristian says. 2(his is !hi!"en so p.4 Dr. >artley smiles. 2So p %ill be fine& = st the broth. 1othing hea'y.4 Sheloo"s pointe#ly at both of s then e9its the room %ith 1 rse 1ora. 3hristian p lls the %heele# tray o'er to me& an# (aylor pla!es the bo9 on it. 2-el!ome ba!"& Mrs. 0rey.4 2Hello& (aylor. (han" yo .4 25o $re most %el!ome& ma$am.4 I thin" he %ants to say more& b t he hol#soff. 3hristian is npa!"ing the bo9& pro# !ing a thermos& so p bo%l& si#e plate&linen nap"in& so pspoon& a small bas"et of brea# rolls& sil'er salt an# peppersha"ers . . . (he /lympi! has gone all<o t. 2(his is great& (aylor.4 My stoma!h is r mbling. I am famishe#. 2-ill that be all.4 he as"s. 25es& than"s&4 3hristian says& #ismissing him. (aylor no#s. 2(aylor& than" yo .4 2Anything else I !an get yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 I glan!e at 3hristian. 2D st some !lean !lothes for 3hristian.4 (aylor smiles. 25es& ma$am.4 3hristian glan!es #o%n at his shirt& bem se#. 2Ho% long ha'e yo been %earing that shirt.4 I as". 2Sin!e (h rs#ay morning.4 He gi'es me a !roo"e# smile. (aylor e9its. 2(aylor$s real pisse# at yo & too&4 3hristian a##s gr mpily& ns!re%ing theli# of the thermos an# po ring !reamy !hi!"en so p into the bo%l. (aylor& too! > t I #on$t #%ell on that as my !hi!"en so p #istra!ts me. Itsmells #eli!io s& an# steam ! rls in'itingly from its s rfa!e. I ta"e a taste an# it$se'erything it promise# to be. 20oo#.4 3hristian as"s& per!hing on the be# again. I no# enth siasti!ally an# #on$t stop. My h nger is primal. I pa se only to%ipe my mo th %ith the linen nap"in. 2(ell me %hat happene#;after yo reali)e# %hat %as going on.4 3hristian r ns his han# thro gh his hair an# sha"es his hea#. 2/h& Ana& it$sgoo# to see yo eat.4 44*. 45,+55, 2I$m h ngry. (ell me.4 He fro%ns. 2-ell& after the ban" !alle# an# I tho ght my %orl# ha# !om<pletely fallen apart;4 He !an$t hi#e the pain in his 'oi!e. I stop eating. /h shit. 2Don$t stop eating& or I$ll stop tal"ing&4 he %hispers& his tone a#amant as heglares at me. I !ontin e %ith my so p. /"ay& o"ay . . . Damn& it tastes goo#.3hristian$s ga)e softens an# after a beat& he res mes. 2Any%ay& shortly after yo an# I ha# finishe# o r !on'ersation& (aylor in<forme# me that Hy#e ha# been grante# bail. Ho%& I #on$t "no%& I tho ght %e$#manage# to th%art any attempts at bail. > t that ga'e me a moment to thin" abo t%hat yo $# sai# . . . an# I "ne% something %as serio sly %rong.4 2It %as ne'er abo t the money&4 I snap s ##enly& an ne9pe!te# s rge of an<ger flaring in my belly. My 'oi!e rises. 2Ho% !o l# yo e'en thin" that. It$s ne'<er been abo t yo r f !"ing money!4 My hea# starts to po n# an# I %in!e. 3hristi<an gapes at me for a split se!on#& s rprise# by my 'ehemen!e. He narro%s hiseyes. 2Min# yo r lang age&4 he gro%ls. 23alm #o%n an# eat.4I glare m tino sly athim. 2Ana&4 he %arns. 2(hat h rt me more than anything& 3hristian&4 I %hisper. 2Almost as m !h asyo seeing that %oman.4 He inhales sharply as if I$'e slappe# him an# all of a s ##en& he loo"s e9<ha ste#. 3losing his eyes briefly& he sha"es his hea#& resigne#. 2I "no%.4 He sighs. 2An# I$m sorry. More than yo "no%.4 His eyes are l <mino s %ith !ontrition. 26lease& eat. -hile yo r so p is still hot.4

His 'oi!e issoft an# !ompelling& an# I #o as he as"s. He breathes a sigh of relief. 20o on&4 I %hisper& bet%een bites of the illi!it fresh %hite brea# roll. 2-e #i#n$t "no% Mia %as missing. I tho ght maybe he %as bla!"mailingyo or something. I !alle# yo ba!"& b t yo #i#n$t ans%er.4 He s!o%ls. 2I leftyo a message then !alle# Sa%yer. (aylor starte# tra!"ing yo r !ell. I "ne% yo %ere at the ban"& so %e hea#e# straight there.4 2I #on$t "no% ho% Sa%yer fo n# me. -as he tra!"ing my !ell& too.4 2(he Saab is fitte# %ith a tra!"ing #e'i!e. All o r !ars are. >y the time %egot near the ban"& yo %ere alrea#y on the mo'e& an# %e follo%e#. -hy are yo smiling.4 448. 45A+55, 2/n some le'el I "ne% yo $# be stal"ing me.4 2An# that is am sing be!a se.4 he as"s. 2Da!" ha# instr !te# me to get ri# of my !ell. So I borro%e# -helan$s !ell&an# that$s the one I thre% a%ay. I p t mine into one of the # ffle bags so yo !o l# tra!" yo r money.4 3hristian sighs. 2/ r money& Ana&4 he says B ietly. 2Eat.4 I %ipe my so p bo%l %ith the last of my brea# an# pop it into my mo th. Forthe first time in a long %hile& I feel replete in spite of o r !on'ersation. 2Finishe#.4 20oo# girl.4 (here$s a "no!" on the #oor an# 1 rse 1ora enters on!e more& !arrying asmall paper ! p. 3hristian !lears a%ay my plate& an# starts p tting all the itemsba!" into the bo9. 26ain relief.4 1ora smiles& sho%ing me the %hite pill in the paper ! p. 2Is this o"ay to ta"e. 5o "no%;%ith the baby.4 25es& Mrs. 0rey. It$s @ortab;it$s fineH it %on$t affe!t the baby.4 I no# gratef lly. My hea# is po n#ing. I s%allo% it #o%n %ith a sip of %ater. 25o o ght to rest& Mrs. 0rey.4 1 rse 1ora loo"s pointe#ly at 3hristian. He no#s. 1o! 25o $re going.4 I e9!laim& pani! setting in. Don$t go;%e$'e = st starte#tal"ing! 3hristian snorts. 2If yo thin" for one moment I$m going to let yo o t of mysight& Mrs. 0rey& yo are 'ery m !h mista"en.4 1ora h ffs b t ho'ers o'er me an# rea#= sts my pillo%s so that I ha'e to lie#o%n. 20oo#night& Mrs. 0rey&4 she says& an# %ith one last !ensorio s glan!e at3hristian& she lea'es. He raises an eyebro% as she !loses the #oor. 2I #on$t thin" 1 rse 1ora appro'es of me.4 He stan#s by the be#& loo"ing tire#& an# #espite the fa!t that I %ant him tostay& I "no% I sho l# try to pers a#e him to go home. 25o nee# rest& too& 3hristian. 0o home. 5o loo" e9ha ste#.4 2I$m not lea'ing yo . I$ll #o)e in this arm!hair.4 I s!o%l at him then shift onto my si#e. 2Sleep %ith me.4 450. 45E+55, He fro%ns. 21o. I !an$t.4 2-hy not.4 2I #on$t %ant to h rt yo .4 25o %on$t h rt me. 6lease& 3hristian.4 25o ha'e an IC.4 23hristian. 6lease.4 He ga)es at me& an# I !an tell he$s tempte#. 26lease.4 I lift p the blan"ets& in'iting him into the be#. 2F !" it.4 He slips off his shoes an# so!"s& an# gingerly !limbs in besi#e me.0ently& he %raps his arm aro n# me& an# I lay my hea# on his !hest. He "isses myhair. 2I #on$t thin" 1 rse 1ora %ill be 'ery happy %ith this arrangement&4 he%hispers !onspiratorially. I giggle& then stop as pain lan!es thro gh my !hest. 2Don$t ma"e me la gh. Ith rts.4 2/h& b t I lo'e that so n#&4 he says a little sa#ly& his 'oi!e lo%. 2I$m sorry&baby& so& so sorry.4 He "isses my hair again an# inhales #eeply& an# I #on$t "no%%hat he$s apologi)ing for . . . ma"ing me la gh. /r the mess %e$re in. I rest myhan# o'er his heart& an# he gently pla!es his han# on

mine. -e are both silent fora moment. 2-hy #i# yo go see that %oman.4 2/h& Ana.4 He groans. 25o %ant to #is! ss that no%. 3an$t %e #rop this. Iregret it& o"ay.4 2I nee# to "no%.4 2I$ll tell yo tomorro%&4 he m tters& irritate#. 2/h& an# Dete!ti'e 3lar" %antsto tal" to yo . D st ro tine. 1o% go to sleep.4 He "isses my hair. I sigh hea'ily. I nee# to "no% %hy. At least he says he re<grets it. (hat$s something& my s b!ons!io s agrees. She$s in an agreeable moo#to#ay& it seems. ?gh& Dete!ti'e 3lar". I sh ##er at the tho ght of reli'ing(h rs#ay$s e'ents for him. 2Do %e "no% %hy Da!" %as #oing all this.4 2Hmm&4 3hristian m rm rs. I$m soothe# by the slo% rise an# fall of his!hest& gently ro!"ing my hea#& l lling me to sleep as his breathing slo%s. An#%hile I #rift I try to ma"e sense of the fragments of !on'ersations I hear# %hile I%as on the e#ge of !ons!io sness& b t they slither thro gh my min#& remaining 45,. 454+55,stea#fastly el si'e& ta nting me from the e#ges of my memory. /h& it$s fr stratingan# e9ha sting . . . an# . . .1 rse 1ora$s mo th is p rse# an# her arms fol#e# in hostility. I hol# my finger p to my lips. 26lease let him sleep&4 I %hisper& sB inting in the early morning light. 2(his is yo r be#. 1ot his&4 she hisses sternly. 2I slept better be!a se he %as here.4 I insist& r shing to my h sban#$s #e<fense. >esi#es& it$s tr e. 3hristian stirs& an# 1 rse 1ora an# I free)e. He m mbles in his sleep& 2Don$t to !h me. 1o more. /nly Ana.4 I fro%n. I ha'e rarely hear# 3hristian tal" in his sleep. A#mitte#ly& that mightbe be!a se he sleeps less than I #o. I$'e only e'er hear# his nightmares. His armstighten aro n# me& sB ee)ing me& an# I %in!e. 2Mrs. 0rey;4 1 rse 1ora glo%ers. 26lease&4 I beg. She sha"es her hea#& t rns on her heel an# lea'es& an# I sn ggle p against3hristian again.-hen I %a"e& 3hristian is no%here to be seen. (he s n is bla)ing thro gh the%in#o%s& an# I !an no% really appre!iate the room. I ha'e flo%ers! I #i#n$t noti!ethem the night before. Se'eral bo B ets. I %on#er i#ly %ho they$re from. A soft "no!" #istra!ts me& an# 3arri!" pee"s aro n# the #oor. He beams%hen he sees that I$m a%a"e. 2May I !ome in.4 he as"s. 2/f !o rse.4 He stri#es into the room an# o'er to me& his soft& gentle bl e eyes assessingme shre%#ly. He$s %earing a #ar" s it;he m st be %or"ing. He s rprises me byleaning #o%n an# "issing my forehea#. 2May I sit.4 I no#& an# he per!hes on the e#ge of the be# an# ta"es my han#. 45A. 455+55, 2I #on$t "no% ho% to than" yo for my #a ghter& yo !ra)y& bra'e& #arlinggirl. -hat yo #i# probably sa'e# her life. I %ill be fore'er in yo r #ebt.4 His'oi!e %a'ers& fille# %ith gratit #e an# !ompassion. /h . . . I #on$t "no% %hat to say. I sB ee)e his han# b t remain m te. 2Ho% are yo feeling.4 2>etter. Sore.4 I say& for honesty$s sa"e. 2Ha'e they gi'en yo me#s for the pain.4 2@or . . . something.4 20oo#. -here$s 3hristian.4 2I #on$t "no%. -hen I %o"e p& he %as gone.4 2He %on$t be far a%ay& I$m s re. He %o l#n$t lea'e yo %hile yo %ere n!ons!io s.4 2I "no%.4 2He$s a little ma# at yo & as he sho l# be.4 3arri!" smir"s. Ah& this is %here3hristian gets it from. 23hristian is al%ays ma# at me.4 2Is he.4 3arri!" smiles& please#;as if this is a goo# thing. His smile isinfe!tio s. 2Ho%$s Mia.4 His eyes !lo # an# his smile 'anishes. 2She$s better. Ma# as hell. I thin" an<ger is a healthy

rea!tion to %hat happene# to her.4 2Is she here.4 21o& she$s ba!" at home. I #on$t thin" 0ra!e %ill let her o t of her sight.4 2I "no% ho% that feels.4 25o nee# %at!hing& too&4 he a#monishes. 2I #on$t %ant yo ta"ing anymoresilly ris"s %ith yo r life or the life of my gran#!hil#.4 I fl sh. He "no%s! 20ra!e rea# yo r !hart. She tol# me. 3ongrat lations.4 2?m . . . than" yo .4 He ga)es #o%n at me& an# his eyes soften& tho gh he fro%ns at mye9pression. 23hristian %ill !ome aro n#&4 he says gently. 2(his %ill be the best thing forhim. D st . . . gi'e him some time.4 I no#. /h . . . (hey$'e spo"en. 45E. 457+55, 2I$# better go. I$m # e in !o rt.4 He smiles an# rises. 2I$ll !he!" in on yo later. 0ra!e spea"s highly of Dr. Singh an# Dr. >artley. (hey "no% %hat they$re#oing.4 He leans #o%n an# "isses me on!e more. 2I mean it& Ana. I !an ne'er repay%hat yo $'e #one for s. (han" yo .4 I loo" p at him& blin"ing ba!" tears& s ##enly o'er%helme#& an# he stro"esmy !hee" affe!tionately. (hen he t rns on his heel an# lea'es. /h my. I$m reeling from his gratit #e. 6erhaps no% I !an let the pren p #e<ba!le go. My s b!ons!io s no#s sagely in agreement %ith me yet again. I sha"emy hea# an# gingerly get o t of be#. I$m relie'e# to fin# that I am m !h stea#ieron my feet than yester#ay. In spite of 3hristian sharing the be#& I ha'e slept %ellan# feel refreshe#. My hea# still a!hes& b t it$s a # ll nagging pain& nothing li"ethe po n#ing yester#ay. I$m stiff an# sore& b t I = st nee# a bath. I feel grimy. Ihea# into the en s ite.2Ana!4 3hristian sho ts. 2I$m in the bathroom&4 I !all as I finish br shing my teeth. (hat feels better. Iignore my refle!tion in the mirror. Dee)& I loo" a mess. -hen I open the #oor&3hristian is by the be#& hol#ing a tray of foo#. He$s transforme#. Dresse# entirelyin bla!"& he$s sha'e#& sho%ere#& an# loo"s %ell reste#. 20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey&4 he says brightly. 2I ha'e yo r brea"fast.4 Heloo"s so boyish an# m !h happier. -o%. I smile broa#ly as I !limb ba!" into be#. He p lls o'er the tray on%heels an# lifts the !o'er to re'eal my brea"fastL oatmeal %ith #rie# fr its& pan<!a"es %ith maple syr p& ba!on& orange = i!e& an# (%inings English brea"fast tea.My mo th %atersH I$m so h ngry. I #o%n the orange = i!e in a fe% g lps an# #iginto the oatmeal. 3hristian sits #o%n on the e#ge of the be# to %at!h. He smir"s. 2-hat.4 I as" %ith my mo th f ll. 2I li"e to %at!h yo eat&4 he says. > t I #on$t thin" that$s %hat he$s smir"ingabo t. 2Ho% are yo feeling.4 2>etter&4 I m tter bet%een mo thf ls. 2I$'e ne'er seen yo eat li"e this.4 454. 45:+55, I glan!e p at him& an# my heart sin"s. -e ha'e to a##ress the 'ery tiny ele<phant in the room. 2It$s be!a se I$m pregnant& 3hristian.4 He snorts& an# his mo th t%ists into an ironi! smile. 2If I "ne% getting yo "no!"e# p %as going to ma"e yo eat& I might ha'e #one it earlier.4 23hristian 0rey!4 I gasp an# set the oatmeal #o%n. 2Don$t stop eating&4 he %arns. 23hristian& %e nee# to tal" abo t this.4 He stills. 2-hat$s there to say. -e$re going to be parents.4 He shr gs& #es<perately trying to loo" non!halant& b t all I !an see is his fear. 6 shing the trayasi#e& I !ra%l #o%n the be# to him an# ta"e his han#s in mine. 25o $re s!are#&4 I %hisper. 2I get it.4 He ga)es at me& impassi'e& his eyes %i#e an# all his earlier

boyishnessstrippe# a%ay. 2I am& too. (hat$s normal&4 I %hisper. 2-hat "in# of father !o l# I possibly be.4 His 'oi!e is hoarse& barelya #ible. 2/h& 3hristian.4 I stifle a sob. 2/ne that tries his best. (hat$s all any of s !an#o.4 2Ana;I #on$t "no% if I !an . . .4 2/f !o rse yo !an. 5o $re lo'ing& yo $re f n& yo $re strong& yo $ll setbo n#aries. / r !hil# %ill %ant for nothing.4 He$s fro)en& staring at me& #o bt et!he# on his bea tif l fa!e. 25es& it %o l# ha'e been i#eal to ha'e %aite#. (o ha'e longer& = st the t%o of s. > t %e$ll be three of s& an# %e$ll all gro% p together. -e$ll be a family. / ro%n family. An# yo r !hil# %ill lo'e yo n!on#itionally& li"e I #o.4 (ears springto my eyes. 2/h& Ana&4 3hristian %hispers& his 'oi!e ang ishe# an# paine#. 2I tho ghtI$# lost yo . (hen I tho ght I$# lost yo again. Seeing yo lying on the gro n#&pale an# !ol# an# n!ons!io s;it %as all my %orst fears reali)e#. An# no% hereyo are;bra'e an# strong . . . gi'ing me hope. @o'ing me after all that I$'e#one.4 25es& I #o lo'e yo & 3hristian& #esperately. I al%ays %ill.4 0ently ta"ing my hea# bet%een his han#s& he %ipes my tears a%ay %ith histh mbs. He ga)es into my eyes& gray to bl e& an# all I see is his fear an# %on#eran# lo'e. 455. 45*+55, 2I lo'e yo & too&4 he breathes. An# he "isses me s%eetly& ten#erly li"e a man%ho a#ores his %ife. 2I$ll try to be a goo# father&4 he %hispers against my lips. 25o $ll try& an# yo $ll s !!ee#. An# let$s fa!e itH yo #on$t ha'e m !h !hoi!ein the matter& be!a se >lip an# I are not going any%here.4 2>lip.4 2>lip.4 He raises his eyebro%s. 2I ha# the name D nior in my hea#.4 2D nior it is& then.4 2> t I li"e >lip.4 He smiles his shy smile an# "isses me on!e more. 457. 2M !h as I$# li"e to "iss yo all #ay& yo r brea"fast is getting !ol#&4 3hristianm rm rs against my lips. He ga)es #o%n at me& no% am se#& e9!ept his eyes are#ar"er& sens al. Holy !o%& he$s s%it!he# again. My Mr. Mer! rial. 2Eat&4 he or#ers& his 'oi!e soft. I s%allo%& a rea!tion to his smol#ering loo"&an# !ra%l ba!" into be#& a'oi#ing snagging my IC line. He p shes the tray infront of me. (he oatmeal is !ol#& b t the pan!a"es n#er the !o'er are fine;infa!t& they$re mo th%atering. 25o "no%&4 I m tter bet%een mo thf ls& 2>lip might be a girl.4 45:. 470+55, 3hristian r ns his han# thro gh his hair. 2(%o %omen& eh.4 Alarm flashesa!ross his fa!e& an# his #ar" loo" 'anishes. /h !rap. 2Do yo ha'e a preferen!e.4 26referen!e.4 2>oy or girl.4 He fro%ns. 2Healthy %ill #o&4 he says B ietly !learly #is!on!erte# by theB estion. 2Eat&4 he snaps& an# I "no% he$s trying to a'oi# the s b=e!t. 2I$m eating& I$m eating . . . Dee)& "eep yo r hair on& 0rey.4 I %at!h him !are<f lly. (he !orners of his eyes are !rin"le# %ith %orry. He$s sai# he$ll try& b t I"no% he$s still frea"e# o t by the baby. /h& 3hristian& so am I. He sits #o%n inthe arm!hair besi#e me& pi!"ing p the Seattle (imes. 25o ma#e the papers again& Mrs. 0rey.4 His is tone bitter. 2Again.4 2(he ha!"s are = st rehashing yester#ay$s story& b t it seems fa!t ally a!! r<ate. 5o %ant to rea# it.4 I sha"e my hea#. 2Rea# it to me. I$m eating.4 He smir"s an# pro!ee#s to rea# the arti!le alo #. It$s a report on Da!" an# El<i)abeth& #epi!ting them as a mo#ern<#ay >onnie an#

3ly#e. It briefly !o'ersMia$s "i#napping& my in'ol'ement in Mia$s res! e& an# the fa!t that both Da!"an# I are in the same hospital. Ho% #oes the press get all this information. I m stas" Fate. -hen 3hristian finishes& I say& 26lease rea# something else. I li"e listening toyo .4 He obliges an# rea#s me a report abo t a booming bagel b siness an# the fa!tthat >oeing has ha# to !an!el the la n!h of some plane. 3hristian fro%ns as herea#s. > t listening to his soothing 'oi!e as I eat& se! re in the "no%le#ge that Iam fine& Mia is safe an# my @ittle >lip is safe& I feel a pre!io s moment of pea!e#espite all that has happene# o'er the last fe% #ays. I n#erstan# that 3hristian is s!are# abo t the baby& b t I #on$t n#erstan#the #epth of his fear. I resol'e to tal" to him some more abo t this. See if I !an p this min# at ease. -hat p ))les me is that he hasn$t la!"e# for positi'e role mo#elsas parents. >oth 0ra!e an# 3arri!" are e9emplary parents& or so they seem.Maybe it %as the >it!h (roll$s interferen!e that #amage# him so ba#ly. I$# li"e tothin" so. > t in tr th I thin" it goes ba!" to his birth mom& tho gh I$m s re Mrs.Robinson #i#n$t help. I halt my tho ghts as I nearly re!all a %hispere# 45*. 47,+55,!on'ersation. Damn! It ho'ers on the e#ge of my memory from %hen I %as n<!ons!io s. 3hristian tal"ing %ith 0ra!e. It melts a%ay into the sha#o%s of mymin#. /h& it$s so fr strating. I %on#er if 3hristian %ill e'er 'ol nteer the reason he %ent to see her or ifI$ll ha'e to p sh him. I$m abo t to as" %hen there$s a "no!" on the #oor. Dete!ti'e 3lar" ma"es an apologeti! entry into the room. He$s right to beapologeti!;my heart sin"s %hen I see him. 2Mr. 0rey& Mrs. 0rey. Am I interr pting.4 25es&4 snaps 3hristian. 3lar" ignores him. 20la# to see yo $re a%a"e& Mrs. 0rey. I nee# to as" yo afe% B estions abo t (h rs#ay afternoon. D st ro tine. Is no% a !on'enient time.4 2S re&4 I m mble& b t I #o not %ant to reli'e (h rs#ay$s e'ents. 2My %ife sho l# be resting.4 3hristian bristles. 2I$ll be brief& Mr. 0rey. An# it means I$ll be o t of yo r hair sooner ratherthan later.4 3hristian stan#s an# offers 3lar" his !hair& then sits #o%n besi#e me on thebe#& ta"es my han#& an# sB ee)es it reass ringly.Half an ho r later& 3lar" is #one. I$'e learne# nothing ne%& b t I ha'e re!o nte#the e'ents of (h rs#ay to him in a halting& B iet 'oi!e& %at!hing 3hristian go palean# grima!e at some parts. 2I %ish yo $# aime# higher&4 3hristian m tters. 2Might ha'e #one %oman"in# a ser'i!e if Mrs. 0rey ha#.4 3lar" agrees.-hat. 2(han" yo & Mrs. 0rey. (hat$s all for no%.4 25o %on$t let him o t again& %ill yo .4 2I #on$t thin" he$ll ma"e bail this time& ma$am.4 2Do %e "no% %ho poste# his bail.4 3hristian as"s. 21o sir. It %as !onfi#ential.4 3hristian fro%ns& b t I thin" he has his s spi!ions. 3lar" rises to lea'e = st asDr. Singh an# t%o interns enter the room. 458. 47A+55,After a thoro gh e9amination& Dr. Singh #e!lares me fit to go home. 3hristiansags %ith relief. 2Mrs. 0rey& yo $ll ha'e to %at!h for %orsening hea#a!hes an# bl rry 'ision.If that o!! rs yo m st ret rn to the hospital imme#iately.4 I no#& trying to !ontain my #elight at going home. As Dr. Singh lea'es& 3hristian as"s her for a B i!" %or# in the !orri#or. He"eeps the #oor a=ar as he as"s her a B estion. She smiles. 25es& Mr. 0rey& that$s fine.4 He grins an# ret rns to the room a happier man. 2-hat %as all

that abo t.4 2Se9&4 he says& flashing a %i!"e# grin. /h. I bl sh. 2An#.4 25o $re goo# to go.4 He smir"s./h& 3hristian! 2I ha'e a hea#a!he.4 I smir" right ba!". 2I "no%. 5o $ll be off limits for a %hile. I %as = st !he!"ing.4 /ff limits. I fro%n at the momentary stab of #isappointment I feel. I$m nots re I %ant to be off limits. 1 rse 1ora =oins s to remo'e my IC. She glares at 3hristian. I thin" she$sone of the fe% %omen I$'e met %ho is obli'io s to his !harms. I than" her %henshe lea'es %ith my IC stan#. 2Shall I ta"e yo home.4 3hristian as"s. 2I$# li"e to see Ray first.4 2S re.4 2Does he "no% abo t the baby.4 2I tho ght yo $# %ant to be the one to tell him. I ha'en$t tol# yo r momeither.4 2(han" yo .4 I smile& gratef l that he hasn$t stolen my th n#er. 2My mom "no%s&4 3hristian a##s. 2She sa% yo r !hart. I tol# my #a# b t noone else. Mom sai# !o ples normally %ait for t%el'e %ee"s or so . . . to be s re.4He shr gs. 2I$m not s re I$m rea#y to tell Ray.4 2I sho l# %arn yo & he$s ma# as hell. Sai# I sho l# span" yo .4 -hat. 3hristian la ghs at my appalle# e9pression. 2I tol# him I$# be only too%illing to oblige.4 470. 47E+55, 25o #i#n$t!4 I gasp& tho gh an e!ho of a %hispere# !on'ersation tantali)esmy memory. 5es& Ray %as here %hile I %as n!ons!io s . . . He %in"s at me. 2Here& (aylor bro ght yo some !lean !lothes. I$ll help yo #ress.4As 3hristian pre#i!te#& Ray is f rio s. I #on$t e'er remember him being this ma#.3hristian has %isely #e!i#e# to lea'e s alone. For s !h a ta!it rn man& Ray fillshis hospital room %ith his in'e!ti'e& berating me for my irresponsible beha'ior. Iam t%el'e years ol# again./h& Da#& please !alm #o%n. 5o r bloo# press re is not p to this. 2An# I$'e ha# to #eal %ith yo r mother&4 he gr mbles& %a'ing both of hishan#s in e9asperation. 2Da#& I$m sorry.4 2An# poor 3hristian! I$'e ne'er seen him li"e that. He$s age#. -e$'e bothage# years o'er the last !o ple of #ays.4 2Ray& I$m sorry.4 25o r mother is %aiting for yo r !all&4 he says in a more meas re# tone. I "iss his !hee"& an# finally he relents from his tira#e. 2I$ll !all her. I really am sorry. > t than" yo for tea!hing me to shoot.4 For a moment& he regar#s me %ith ill<!on!eale# paternal pri#e. 2I$m gla# yo !an shoot straight&4 he says& his 'oi!e gr ff. 21o% go on home an# get some rest.4 25o loo" %ell& Da#.4 I try to !hange the s b=e!t. 25o loo" pale.4 His fear is s ##enly e'i#ent. His loo" mirrors 3hristian$sfrom last night& an# I grasp his han#. 2I$m o"ay. I promise I %on$t #o anything li"e that again.4 He sB ee)es my han# an# p lls me into a h g. 2If anything happene# toyo &4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e hoarse an# lo%. (ears pri!" my eyes. I am not se#to #isplays of emotion from my stepfather. 2Da#& I$m goo#. 1othing that a hot sho%er %on$t ! re.4 47,. 474+55,-e lea'e thro gh the rear e9it of the hospital to a'oi# the papara))i gathere# atthe entran!e. (aylor lea#s s to the %aiting in the S?C. 3hristian is B iet as Sa%yer #ri'es s home. I a'oi# Sa%yer$s ga)e in therear'ie% mirror& embarrasse# that the last time I sa% him %as at the ban" %hen Iga'e him the slip. I !all my mom& %ho sobs an# sobs. It ta"es most of the =o rneyhome to !alm her #o%n& b t I s !!ee# by promising that %e$ll 'isit soon.(hro gho t my !on'ersation %ith her& 3hristian hol#s my han#&

br shing histh mb a!ross my "n !"les. He$s ner'o s . . . something$s happene#. 2-hat$s %rong.4 I as" %hen I$m finally free from my mother. 2-el!h %ants to see me.4 2-el!h. -hy.4 2He$s fo n# something o t abo t that f !"er Hy#e.4 3hristian$s lip ! rls intoa snarl& an# a frisson of fear passes thro gh me. 2He #i#n$t %ant to tell me on thephone.4 2/h.4 2He$s !oming here this afternoon from Detroit.4 25o thin" he$s fo n# a !onne!tion.4 3hristian no#s. 2-hat #o yo thin" it is.4 2I ha'e no i#ea.4 3hristian$s bro% f rro%s& perple9e#. (aylor p lls into the garage at Es!ala an# stops by the ele'ator to let s o tbefore he par"s. In the garage& %e !an a'oi# the attention of the %aiting photo<graphers. 3hristian shers me o t of the !ar. Feeping his arm aro n# my %aist& helea#s me to the %aiting ele'ator. 20la# to be home.4 he as"s. 25es&4 I %hisper. > t as I stan# in the familiar s rro n#ings of the ele'ator&the enormity of %hat I$'e been thro gh !rashes o'er me& an# I start to sha"e. 2Hey;4 3hristian %raps his arms aro n# me an# p lls me !lose. 25o $rehome. 5o $re safe&4 he says& "issing my hair. 2/h& 3hristian.4 A #am I #i#n$t e'en "no% %as in pla!e b rsts& an# I start tosob. 2H sh no%&4 3hristian %hispers& !ra#ling my hea# against his !hest. > t it$s too late. I %eep& o'er%helme#& into his (<shirt& re!alling Da!"$s 'i<!io s atta!";2(hat$s for SI6& yo f !"ing bit!h!4;telling 3hristian I %as 47A. 475+55,lea'ing;25o $re lea'ing me.4;an# my fear& my g t< %ren!hing fear for Mia&for myself& an# for @ittle >lip. -hen the #oors of the ele'ator sli#e open& 3hristian pi!"s me p li"e a !hil#an# !arries me into the foyer. I %rap my arms aro n# his ne!" an# !ling to him&"eening B ietly. He !arries me thro gh to o r bathroom an# gently settles me on the !hair.2>ath.4 he as"s. I sha"e my hea#. 1o . . . no . . . not li"e @eila. 2Sho%er.4 His 'oi!e is !ho"e# %ith !on!ern. (hro gh my tears& I no#. I %ant to %ash a%ay the grime of the last fe% #ays&%ash a%ay the memory of Da!"$s atta!". 25o gol# #igging %hore.4 I sob into myhan#s as the so n# of the %ater !as!a#ing from the sho%er e!hoes off the %alls. 2Hey&4 3hristian !roons. Fneeling in front of me& he p lls my han#s a%ayfrom my tearstaine# !hee"s an# ! ps my fa!e in his han#s. I ga)e at him& blin"inga%ay my tears. 25o $re safe. 5o both are&4 he %hispers. >lip an# me. My eyes brim %ith tears again. 2Stop& no%. I !an$t bear it %hen yo !ry.4 His 'oi!e is hoarse. His th mbs%ipe my !hee"s& b t my tears still flo%. 2I$m sorry& 3hristian. D st sorry for e'erything. For ma"ing yo %orry& forris"ing e'erything;for the things I sai#.4 2H sh& baby& please.4 He "isses my forehea#. 2I$m sorry. It ta"es t%o totango& Ana.4 He gi'es me a !roo"e# smile. 2-ell& that$s %hat my mom al%ayssays. I sai# things an# #i# things I$m not pro # of.4 His gray eyes are blea" b tpenitent. 2@et$s get yo n#resse#.4 His 'oi!e is soft. I %ipe my nose %ith theba!" of my han#& an# he "isses my forehea# on!e more. >ris"ly he strips me& ta"ing parti! lar !are as he p lls my (<shirt o'er myhea#. > t my hea# is not too sore. @ea#ing me to the sho%er& he peels off his o%n!lothing in re!or# time before stepping into the %el!ome hot %ater %ith me. Hep lls me into his arms an# hol#s me& hol#s me for the longest time& as the %aterg shes o'er s& soothing s both. He lets me !ry into his !hest. /!!asionally he "isses my hair& b t he #oesn$tlet go& he = st ro!"s me

gently beneath the %arm %ater. (o feel his s"in againstmine& his !hest hair against my !hee" . . . this man I lo'e& this self<#o bting& bea <tif l man& the man I !o l# ha'e lost thro gh my o%n re!"lessness. I feel empty 47E. 477+55,an# a!hing at the tho ght b t gratef l that he$s here& still here ;#espite e'erythingthat$s happene#. He has some e9plaining to #o& b t right no% I %ant to re'el in the feel of his!omforting& prote!ti'e arms aro n# me. An# in that moment it o!! rs to meH anye9planations on his part ha'e to !ome from him. I !an$t for!e him;he$s got to%ant to tell me. I %on$t be !ast as the nagging %ife& !onstantly trying to %hee#leinformation o t of her h sban#. It$s = st e9ha sting. I "no% he lo'es me. I "no%he lo'es me more than he$s e'er lo'e# anyone& an# for no%& that$s eno gh. (hereali)ation is liberating. I stop !rying an# step ba!". 2>etter.4 he as"s. I no#. 20oo#. @et me loo" at yo &4 he says& an# for a moment I #on$t "no% %hat hemeans. > t he ta"es my han# an# e9amines the arm I fell on %hen Da!" hit me.(here are br ises on my sho l#er an# s!rapes at my elbo% an# %rist. He "issesea!h of them. He grabs a %ash!loth an# sho%er gel from the ra!"& an# the s%eetfamiliar s!ent of =asmine fills my nostrils. 2( rn aro n#.4 0ently& he pro!ee#s to %ash my in= re# arm& then my ne!"&my sho l#ers& my ba!"& an# my other arm. He t rns me si#e%ays& an# tra!es hislong fingers #o%n my si#e. I %in!e as they s"ate o'er the large br ise at my hip.3hristian$s eyes har#en an# his lips thin. His anger is palpable as he %histlesthro gh his teeth. 2It #oesn$t h rt&4 I m rm r to reass re him. >la)ing gray eyes meet mine. 2I %ant to "ill him. I nearly #i#&4 he %hispers!rypti!ally. I fro%n then shi'er at his blea" e9pression. He sB irts more sho%ergel on the %ash!loth an# %ith ten#er& a!hing gentleness& he %ashes my si#e an#my behin#& then& "neeling& mo'es #o%n my legs. He pa ses to e9amine my "nee.He lips br sh o'er the br ise before he ret rns to %ashing my legs an# my feet.Rea!hing #o%n& I !aress his hea#& r nning my fingers thro gh his %et hair. Hestan#s& an# his fingers tra!e the o tline of the br ise on my ribs %here Da!" "i!"e#me. 2/h& baby&4 he groans& his 'oi!e fille# %ith ang ish& his eyes #ar" %ith f ry. 2I$m o"ay.4 I p ll his hea# #o%n to mine an# "iss his lips. He$s hesitant tore!ipro!ate& b t as my tong e meets his& his bo#y stirs against me. 21o&4 he %hispers against my lips& an# he p lls ba!". 2@et$s get yo !lean.4 474. 47:+55, His fa!e is serio s. Damn . . . He means it. I po t& an# the atmospherebet%een s lightens in an instant. He grins an# "isses me briefly. 23lean&4 he emphasi)es. 21ot #irty.4 2I li"e #irty.4 2Me& too& Mrs. 0rey. > t not no%& not here.4 He grabs the shampoo& an# be<fore I !an pers a#e him other%ise& he$s %ashing my hair.I lo'e !lean& too. I feel refreshe# an# rein'igorate#& an# I #on$t "no% if it$s fromthe sho%er& the !rying& or my #e!ision to stop hassling 3hristian abo t e'erything.He %raps me in a large to%el an# #rapes one aro n# his hips %hile I gingerly #rymy hair. My hea# a!hes& b t it$s a # ll persistent pain that is more than manage<able. I ha'e some pain"illers from Dr. Singh& b t she$s as"e# me not to se them nless I ha'e to. As I #ry my hair& I thin" abo t Eli)abeth. 2I still #on$t n#erstan# %hy Eli)abeth %as in'ol'e# %ith Da!".4 2I #o&4 3hristian m tters #ar"ly. (his is ne%s. I fro%n p at him& b t I$m #istra!te#. He$s #rying his hair

%itha to%el& his !hest an# sho l#ers still %et %ith bea#s of %ater that glint beneath thehalogens. He pa ses an# smir"s. 2En=oying the 'ie%.4 2Ho% #o yo "no%.4 I as"& trying to ignore that I$'e been !a ght staring atmy o%n h sban#. 2(hat yo $re en=oying the 'ie%.4 he teases. 21o&4 I s!ol#. 2Abo t Eli)abeth.4 2Dete!ti'e 3lar" hinte# at it.4 I gi'e him my tell<me<more e9pression& an# another nagging memory from%hen I %as n!ons!io s res rfa!es. 3lar" %as in my room. I %ish I !o l# remem<ber %hat he sai#. 2Hy#e ha# 'i#eos. Ci#eos of all of them. /n se'eral ?S> flash #ri'es.4 -hat. I fro%n& my s"in tightening a!ross my forehea#. 2Ci#eos of him f !"ing her an# f !"ing all his 6As.4 /h! 475. 47*+55, 2E9a!tly. >la!"mail material. He li"es it ro gh.4 3hristian fro%ns& an# I%at!h !onf sion follo%e# by #isg st !ross his fa!e. He pales as his #isg st t rnsto self<loathing. /f !o rse;3hristian li"es it ro gh& too. 2Don$t.4 (he %or# is o t of my mo th before I !an stop it. His fro%n #eepens. 2Don$t %hat.4 He stills an# regar#s me %ithapprehension. 25o aren$t anything li"e him.4 3hristian$s eyes har#en& b t he says nothing& !onfirming that$s e9a!tly %hathe$s thin"ing. 25o $re not.4 My 'oi!e is a#amant. 2-e$re ! t from the same !loth.4 21o& yo $re not&4 I snap& tho gh I n#erstan# %hy he might thin" so. 2His#a# #ie# in a bra%l in a bar. His mother #ran" herself into obli'ion. He %as inan# o t of foster homes as a "i#& in an# o t of tro ble& too;mainly boosting !ars.Spent time in = 'ie.4 I re!all the information 3hristian re'eale# on the plane toAspen. 25o both ha'e tro ble# pasts& an# yo %ere both born in Detroit. (hat$s it&3hristian.4 I fist my han#s on my hips. 2Ana& yo r faith in me is to !hing& espe!ially in light of the last fe% #ays.-e$ll "no% more %hen -el!h is here.4 He$s #ismissing the s b=e!t. 23hristian;4 He stops me %ith a "iss. 2Eno gh&4 he breathes& an# I remember the promiseI ma#e to myself not to ho n# him for information. 2An# #on$t po t&4 he a##s. 23ome. @et me #ry yo r hair.4 An# I "no% the s b=e!t is !lose#.After #ressing in s%eatpants an# a (<shirt& I sit bet%een 3hristian$s legs as he#ries my hair. 2So #i# 3lar" tell yo anything else %hile I %as n!ons!io s.4 21ot that I re!all.4 2I hear# a fe% of yo r !on'ersations.4 (he hairbr sh stills in my hair. 2Di# yo .4 he as"s& his tone non!halant. 477. 478+55, 25es. My #a#& yo r #a#& Dete!ti'e 3lar" . . . yo r mom.4 2An# Fate.4 2Fate %as there.4 2>riefly& yes. She$s ma# at yo & too.4 I t rn in his lap. 2Stop %ith the e'eryone is ma# at Ana !rap& o"ay.4 2D st telling yo the tr th&4 3hristian says& bem se# by my o tb rst. 25es& it %as re!"less& b t yo "no%& yo r sister %as in #anger.4 His fa!e falls. 25es. She %as.4 S%it!hing off the hair#ryer& he p ts it #o%non the be# besi#e him. He grasps my !hin. 2(han" yo &4 he says& s rprising me. 2> t no more re!"lessness. >e!a sene9t time& I %ill span" the li'ing shit o t of yo .4 I gasp. 25o %o l#n$t!4 2I %o l#.4 He$s serio s. Holy !o%. Dea#ly serio s. 2I ha'e yo r stepfather$spermission.4 He smir"s. He$s teasing me! /r is he. I la n!h myself at him& an# het%ists so that I fall onto the be# an# into his arms. As I lan#& pain from my ribsshoots thro gh me an# I %in!e. 3hristian pales. 2>eha'e!4 he a#monishes& an# for a moment he$s angry. 2Sorry&4 I m mble&

!aressing his !hee". He n ))les my han# an# "isses it gently. 2Honestly& Ana& yo really ha'e noregar# for yo r o%n safety.4 He t gs p the hem of my (<shirt then rests his fin<gers on my belly. I stop breathing. 2It$s not = st yo anymore&4 he %hispers& trail<ing his fingertips along the %aistban# of my s%eats& !aressing my s"in. Desire e9<plo#es ne9pe!te#& hot& an# hea'y in my bloo#. I gasp an# 3hristian tenses& halt<ing his fingers an# ga)ing #o%n at me. He mo'es his han# p an# t !"s a straylo!" of hair behin# my ear. 21o&4 he %hispers.-hat. 2Don$t loo" at me li"e that. I$'e seen the br ises. An# the ans%er$s no.4 His'oi!e is firm& an# he "isses my forehea#. I sB irm. 23hristian&4 I %hine. 21o. 0et into be#.4 He sits p. 2>e#.4 25o nee# rest.4 2I nee# yo .4 47:. 4:0+55, He !loses his eyes an# sha"es his hea# as if it$s a great effort of %ill. -henhe opens them again& his eyes are bright %ith his resol'e. 2D st #o as yo $re tol#&Ana.4 I$m tempte# to ta"e off all my !lothes& b t then I remember the br ises an#"no% I %on$t %in that %ay. Rel !tantly& I no#. 2/"ay.4 I #eliberately gi'e him an e9aggerate# po t. He grins& am se#. 2I$ll bring yo some l n!h.4 25o $re going to !oo".4 I nearly e9pire. He has the gra!e to la gh. 2I$m going to heat something p. Mrs. Dones hasbeen b sy.4 23hristian& I$ll #o it. I$m fine. Dee)& I %ant se9;I !an !ertainly !oo".4 I sit pa%"%ar#ly& trying to hi#e my flin!h from my smarting ribs. 2>e#!4 3hristian$s eyes flash& an# he points to the pillo%. 2Doin me&4 I m rm r& %ishing I %ere %earing something a little more all ringthan s%eatpants an# a (<shirt. 2Ana& get into be#. 1o%.4I s!o%l& stan# p& an# let my pants #rop n!eremo<nio sly to the floor& glaring at him the %hole time. His mo th t%it!hes %ith h <mor as he p lls the # 'et ba!". 25o hear# Dr. Singh. She sai# rest.4 His 'oi!e is gentler. I slip into be# an#fol# my arms in fr stration. 2Stay&4 he says !learly en=oying himself. My s!o%l #eepens.Mrs. Dones$s !hi!"en ste% is& %itho t #o bt& one of my fa'orite #ishes. 3hristianeats %ith me& sitting !ross<legge# in the mi##le of the be#. 2(hat %as 'ery %ell heate#.4 I smir" an# he grins. I$m replete an# sleepy.-as this his plan. 25o loo" tire#.4 He pi!"s p my tray. 2I am.4 20oo#. Sleep.4 He "isses me. 2I ha'e some %or" I nee# to #o. I$ll #o it inhere if that$s o"ay %ith yo .4 I no# . . . fighting a losing battle %ith my eyeli#s. I ha# no i#ea !hi!"en ste%!o l# be so e9ha sting. 47*. 4:,+55,It$s # s" %hen I %a"e. 6ale pin" light floo#s the room. 3hristian is sitting in thearm!hair& %at!hing me& gray eyes l mino s in the ambient light. He$s !l t!hingsome papers. His fa!e is ashen. Holy !o%! 2-hat$s %rong.4 I as" imme#iately& sitting p an# ignoring myprotesting ribs. 2-el!h has = st left.4 /h shit. 2An#.4 2I li'e# %ith the f !"er&4 he %hispers. 2@i'e#. -ith Da!".4 He no#s& eyes %i#e. 25o $re relate#.4 21o. 0oo# 0o#& no.4 I sh ffle o'er an# p ll the # 'et ba!"& in'iting him into be# besi#e me& an# tomy s rprise he #oesn$t hesitate. He "i!"s off his shoes an# sli#es in alongsi#e me.-rapping one arm aro n# me& he ! rls p& resting his hea# in my lap. I$mst nne#. -hat$s this. 2I #on$t n#erstan#&4 I m rm r& r nning my fingers thro gh his hair an# ga)<ing #o%n at him. 3hristian !loses his eyes an# f rro%s his bro% as if he$s strain<ing to remember. 2After

I %as fo n# %ith the !ra!" %hore& before I %ent to li'e %ith 3arri!"an# 0ra!e& I %as in the !are of Mi!higan State. I li'e# in a foster home. > t I!an$t remember anything abo t that time.4 My min# reels. A foster home. (his is ne%s to both of s. 2For ho% long.4 I %hisper. 2(%o months or so. I ha'e no re!olle!tion.4 2Ha'e yo spo"en to yo r mom an# #a# abo t it.4 21o.4 26erhaps yo sho l#. Maybe they !o l# fill in the blan"s.4 He h gs me tightly. 2Here.4 He han#s me the papers& %hi!h t rn o t to bet%o photographs. I rea!h o'er an# s%it!h on the be#si#e light so I !an e9aminethem in #etail. (he first photo is of a shabby ho se %ith a yello% front #oor an# alarge gable# %in#o% in the roof. It has a por!h an# a small front yar#. It$s an n<remar"able ho se. (he se!on# photo is of a family;at first glan!e& an or#inary bl e<!ollar fam<ily;a man an# his %ife& I thin"& an# their !hil#ren. (he a# lts are both #resse# in 478. 4:A+55,#o%#y& o'er%ashe# bl e (<shirts. (hey m st be in their forties. (he %oman hass!rape#<ba!" blon# hair& an# the man a se'ere b ))<! t& b t they are both smiling%armly at the !amera. (he man has his han# #rape# o'er the sho l#ers of a s llenteenage girl. I ga)e at ea!h of the !hil#renL t%o boys;i#enti!al t%ins& abo tt%el'e;both %ith san#y blon# hair& grinning broa#ly at the !ameraH there$s an<other boy& %ho$s smaller& %ith re##ish blon# hair& s!o%lingH an# hi#ing behin#him& a !opper<haire# gray<eye# little boy. -i#e<eye# an# s!are#& #resse# in mis<mat!he# !lothes& an# !l t!hing a !hil#$s #irty blan"et. F !". 2(his is yo &4 I %hisper& my heart l r!hing into my throat. I "no%3hristian %as fo r %hen his mother #ie#. > t this !hil# loo"s m !h yo nger. Hem st ha'e been se'erely malno rishe#. I stifle a sob as tears spring to my eyes./h& my s%eet Fifty. 3hristian no#s. 2(hat$s me.4 2-el!h bro ght these photos.4 25es. I #on$t remember any of this.4 His 'oi!e is flat an# lifeless. 2Remember being %ith foster parents. -hy sho l# yo . 3hristian& it %as along time ago. Is this %hat$s %orrying yo .4 2I remember other things& from before an# after. -hen I met my mom an##a#. > t this . . . It$s li"e there$s a h ge !hasm.4 My heart t%ists an# n#erstan#ing #a%ns. My #arling !ontrol frea" li"ese'erything in its pla!e& an# no% he$s learne# he$s missing part of the =igsa%. 2Is Da!" in this pi!t re.4 25es& he$s the ol#er "i#.4 3hristian$s eyes are still s!re%e# sh t& an# he$s!linging to me as if I$m a life raft. I r n my fingers thro gh his hair %hile I ga)e atthe ol#er boy %ho is glaring& #efiant an# arrogant& at the !amera. I !an see it$sDa!". > t he$s = st a "i#& a sa# eight< or nine<year<ol#& hi#ing his fear behin# hishostility. A tho ght o!! rs to me. 2-hen Da!" !alle# to tell me he ha# Mia& he sai# if things ha# been #ifferent&it !o l# ha'e been him.4 3hristian !loses his eyes an# sh ##ers. 2(hat f !"er!4 25o thin" he #i# all this be!a se the 0reys a#opte# yo instea# of him.4 2-ho "no%s.4 3hristian$s tone is bitter. 2I #on$t gi'e a f !" abo t him.4 26erhaps he "ne% %e %ere seeing ea!h other %hen I %ent for that =ob inter<'ie%. 6erhaps he planne# to se# !e me all along.4 >ile rises in my throat. 4:0. 4:E+55, 2I #on$t thin" so&4 3hristian m tters& his eyes no% open. 2(he sear!hes he #i#on my family #i#n$t start ntil a %ee" or so after yo began yo r =ob at SI6. >ar<ney "no%s the e9a!t #ates. An#& Ana& he f !"e# all his

assistants an# tape# them.43hristian !loses his eyes an# tightens his grip on me on!e more. S ppressing the tremor that r ns thro gh me& I try to re!all my 'ario s !on<'ersations %ith Da!" %hen I first starte# at SI6. I "ne% #eep #o%n he %as ba#ne%s& yet I ignore# all my instin!ts. 3hristian$s right;I ha'e no regar# for myo%n safety. I remember the fight %e ha# abo t me going to 1e% 5or" %ith Da!".Dee);I !o l# ha'e en#e# p on some sor#i# se9 tape. (he tho ght is na seating.An# in that moment I re!all the photographs 3hristian "ept of his s bmissi'es. /h shit. 2-e$re ! t from the same !loth.4 1o& 3hristian& yo $re not& yo $renothing li"e him. He$s still ! rle# aro n# me li"e a small boy. 23hristian& I thin" yo sho l# tal" to yo r mom an# #a#.4 I am rel !tant tomo'e him& so I shift an# sli#e ba!" into the be# ntil %e are eye to eye. A be%il#ere# gray ga)e meets mine& remin#ing me of the !hil# in thephotograph. 2@et me !all them&4 I %hisper. He sha"es his hea#. 26lease.4 I beg. 3hristianstares at me& pain an# self<#o bt refle!te# in his eyes as he !onsi#ers my reB est./h& 3hristian& please! 2I$ll !all them&4 he %hispers. 20oo#. -e !an go an# see them together& or yo !an go. -hi!he'er yo prefer.4 21o. (hey !an !ome here.4 2-hy.4 2I #on$t %ant yo going any%here.4 23hristian& I$m p for a !ar =o rney.4 21o.4 His 'oi!e is firm& b t he gi'es me an ironi! smile. 2Any%ay& it$sSat r#ay night& they$re probably at some f n!tion.4 23all them. (his ne%s has ob'io sly pset yo . (hey might be able to she#some light.4 I glan!e at the ra#io alarm. It$s almost se'en in the e'ening. He re<gar#s me impassi'ely for a moment. 2/"ay&4 he says as if I$'e iss e# him %ith a !hallenge. Sitting p& he pi!"s pthe be#si#e phone. I %rap my arm aro n# him an# rest my hea# on his !hest as he ma"es the!all. 4:,. 4:4+55, 2Da#.4 I register his s rprise that 3arri!" has ans%ere# the phone. 2Ana$sgoo#. -e$re home. -el!h has = st left. He fo n# o t the !onne!tion . . . the fosterhome in Detroit . . . I #on$t remember any of that.4 3hristian$s 'oi!e is almost in<a #ible as he m tters the last senten!e. My heart !onstri!ts on!e more. I h g him&an# he sB ee)es my sho l#er. 25eah . . . 5o %ill. . . . 0reat.4 He hangs p. 2(hey$re on their %ay.4 Heso n#s s rprise#& an# I reali)e that he$s probably ne'er as"e# them for help. 20oo#. I sho l# get #resse#.4 3hristian$s arm tightens aro n# me. 2Don$t go.4 2/"ay.4 I sn ggle into his si#e again& st nne# by the fa!t that he$s = st tol#me a great #eal abo t himself;entirely 'ol ntarily.As %e stan# at the threshol# to the great room& 0ra!e %raps me gently in herarms. 2Ana& Ana& #arling Ana&4 she %hispers. 2Sa'ing t%o of my !hil#ren. Ho%!an I e'er than" yo .4 I bl sh& to !he# an# embarrasse# in eB al meas re by her %or#s. 3arri!"h gs me& too& "issing my forehea#. (hen Mia grabs me& sB ashing my ribs. I %in!e an# gasp& b t she #oesn$t no<ti!e. 2(han" yo for sa'ing me from those assholes.4 3hristian s!o%ls at her. 2Mia! 3aref l! She$s in pain.4 2/h! Sorry.4 2I$m goo#&4 I m tter& relie'e# %hen she releases me. She loo"s fine. Impe!!ably #resse# in tight bla!" =eans an# a pale pin" frillyblo se. I$m gla# I$m %earing my !omfortable %rap #ress an# flats. At least I loo"reasonably presentable. Ra!ing o'er to 3hristian& Mia ! rls her arm aro n# his %aist. -or#lessly& he han#s 0ra!e the photo. She gasps& her han# flying to hermo th to !ontain her emotion as she instantly re!ogni)es

3hristian. 3arri!" %rapshis arm aro n# her sho l#er as he& too& e9amines it. 2/h& #arling.4 0ra!e !aresses 3hristian$s !hee". (aylor appears. 2Mr. 0rey. Miss Fa'anagh& her brother& an# yo r brother are!oming p& sir.4 4:A. 4:5+55, 3hristian fro%ns. 2(han" yo & (aylor&4 he m tters& bem se#. 2I !alle# Elliot an# tol# him %e %ere !oming o'er.4 Mia grins. 2It$s a%el!ome<home party.4 I snea" a sympatheti! glan!e at my poor h sban# as both 0ra!e an# 3arri!"glare at Mia in e9asperation. 2-e$# better get some foo# together&4 I #e!lare. 2Mia& %ill yo gi'e me ahan#.4 2/h& I$# lo'e to.4 I sher her to%ar# the "it!hen area as 3hristian lea#s his parents into hisst #y.Fate is apople!ti! %ith righteo s in#ignation that$s aime# at me& 3hristian& b tmost of all Da!" an# Eli)abeth. 2-hat %ere yo thin"ing& Ana.4 she sho ts as she !onfronts me in the "it<!hen& !a sing all eyes in the room to t rn an# stare. 2Fate& please. I$'e ha# the same le!t re from e'eryone!4 I snap ba!". Sheglares at me& an# for one min te I thin" I$m going to be s b=e!te# to a FatherineFa'anagh ho%<not<to<s !! mb<to< "i#nappers le!t re& b t instea# she fol#s me inher arms. 2Dee);sometimes yo #on$t ha'e the brains yo %ere born %ith& Steele&4 she%hispers. As she "isses my !hee"& there are tears in her eyes. Fate! 2I$'e been so%orrie# abo t yo .4 2Don$t !ry. 5o $ll set me off.4 She stan#s ba!" an# %ipes her eyes& embarrasse#& then ta"es a #eep breathan# !omposes herself. 2/n a more positi'e note& %e$'e set a #ate for o r %e##ing.-e tho ght ne9t May. An# of !o rse I %ant yo to be my matron of honor.4 2/h . . . Fate . . . -o%. 3ongrat lations!4 3rap;@ittle >lip . . . D nior! 2-hat is it.4 she as"s& misinterpreting my alarm. 2?m . . . I$m = st so happy for yo . Some goo# ne%s for a !hange.4 I %rapmy arms aro n# her an# p ll her into a h g. Shit& shit& shit. -hen is >lip # e.Mentally I !al! late my # e #ate. Dr. 0reene sai# I %as fo r or fi'e %ee"s.So;sometime in May. Shit. Elliot han#s me a glass of !hampagne. 4:E. 4:7+55,/h. Shit. 3hristian emerges from his st #y& loo"ing ashen& an# follo%s his parents intothe great room. His eyes %i#en %hen he sees the glass in my han#. 2Fate&4 he greets her !oolly. 23hristian.4 She is eB ally !ool. I sigh. 25o r me#s& Mrs. 0rey.4 He eyes the glass in my han#. I narro% my eyes. Dammit. I %ant a #rin". 0ra!e smiles as she =oins me inthe "it!hen& !olle!ting a glass from Elliot on the %ay. 2A sip %ill be fine&4 she %hispers %ith a !onspiratorial %in" at me& an# liftsher glass to !lin" mine. 3hristian s!o%ls at both of s& ntil Elliot #istra!ts him%ith ne%s of the latest mat!h bet%een the Mariners an# the Rangers. 3arri!" =oins s& p tting his arms aro n# s both& an# 0ra!e "isses his !hee"before =oining Mia on the sofa. 2Ho% is he.4 I %hisper to 3arri!" as he an# I stan# in the "it!hen %at!hingthe family lo nge on the sofa. I note %ith s rprise that Mia an# Ethan are hol#inghan#s. 2Sha"en&4 3arri!" m rm rs to me& his bro% f rro%ing& his fa!e serio s. 2Heremembers so m !h of his life %ith his birth motherH many things I %ish he#i#n$t. > t this;4 He stops. 2I hope %e$'e helpe#. I$m gla# he !alle# s. He sai#yo tol# him to.4 3arri!"$s ga)e softens. I shr g an# ta"e a hasty sip of!hampagne. 25o $re 'ery goo# for him. He #oesn$t listen to anyone else.4 I fro%n. I #on$t thin" that$s tr e. (he

n%el!ome spe!ter of the >it!h (rolllooms large in my min#. I "no% 3hristian tal"s to 0ra!e& too. I hear# him. Again Ifeel a moment$s fr stration as I try to fathom their !on'ersation in the hospital&b t it still el #es me. 23ome an# sit #o%n& Ana. 5o loo" tire#. I$m s re yo %eren$t e9pe!ting allof s here this e'ening.4 2It$s great to see e'eryone.4 I smile. >e!a se it$s tr e& it is great. I$m an only!hil# %ho has marrie# into a large an# gregario s family& an# I lo'e it. I sn ggle p ne9t to 3hristian. 2/ne sip&4 he hisses at me an# ta"es my glass from my han#. 25es& Sir.4 I bat my lashes& #isarming him !ompletely. He p ts his armaro n# my sho l#ers an# ret rns to his baseball !on'ersation %ith Elliot an#Ethan. 4:4. 4::+55,2My parents thin" yo %al" on %ater&4 3hristian m tters as he #rags off his (<shirt. I$m ! rle# p in be# %at!hing the floorsho%. 20oo# thing yo "no% #iffer<ently.4 I snort. 2/h& I #on$t "no%.4 He slips o t of his =eans. 2Di# they fill in the gaps for yo .4 2Some. I li'e# %ith the 3olliers for t%o months %hile Mom an# Da# %aite#for the paper%or". (hey %ere alrea#y appro'e# for a#option be!a se of Elliot& b tthe %ait$s reB ire# by la% to see if I ha# any li'ing relati'es %ho %ante# to !laimme.4 2Ho% #o yo feel abo t that.4 I %hisper. He fro%ns. 2Abo t ha'ing no li'ing relati'es. F !" that. If they %ere any<thing li"e the !ra!" %hore . . .4 He sha"es his hea# in #isg st./h& 3hristian! 5o %ere a !hil#& an# yo lo'e# yo r mom. He sli#es on his pa=amas& !limbs into be#& an# gently p lls me into his arms. 2It$s !oming ba!" to me. I remember the foo#. Mrs. 3ollier !o l# !oo". An#at least %e "no% no% %hy that f !"er is so h ng p on my family.4 He r ns hisfree han# thro gh his hair. 2F !"!4 he says s ##enly t rning to gape at me. 2-hat.4 2It ma"es sense no%!4 His eyes are f ll of re!ogni)an!e. 2-hat.4 2>aby >ir#. Mrs. 3ollier se# to !all me >aby >ir#.4 I fro%n. 2(hat ma"es sense.4 2(he note&4 he says ga)ing at me. 2(he ransom note that f !"er left. It %entsomething li"e ZDo yo "no% %ho I am. >e!a se I "no% %ho yo are& >aby>ir#.$ 4 (his ma"es no sense to me at all. 2It$s from a "i#$s boo". 3hrist. (he 3olliers ha# it. It %as !alle# . . . ZAre 5o My Mother.$ Shit.4 His eyes %i#en. 2I lo'e# that boo".4 /h. I "no% that boo". My heart l r!hes;Fifty! 2Mrs. 3ollier se# to rea# it to me.4 I am at a loss %hat to say. 23hrist. He "ne% . . . that f !"er "ne%.4 2-ill yo tell the poli!e.4 4:5. 4:*+55, 25es. I %ill. 3hrist "no%s %hat 3lar" %ill #o %ith that information.4 3hristi<an sha"es his hea# as if trying to !lear his tho ghts. 2Any%ay& than" yo for thise'ening.4 -hoa. 0ear !hange. 2For %hat.4 23atering for my family at a moment$s noti!e.4 2Don$t than" me& than" Mia an# Mrs. Dones. She "eeps the pantry %ellsto!"e#.4 He sha"es his hea# as if in e9asperation. At me. -hy. 2Ho% are yo feeling& Mrs. 0rey.4 20oo#. Ho% are yo feeling.4 2I$m fine.4 He fro%ns . . . not n#erstan#ing my !on!ern. /h . . . in that !ase. I trail my fingers #o%n his stoma!h to his oh< so<happytrail. He la ghs an# grabs my han#. 2/h no. Don$t get any i#eas.4 I po t& an# he sighs. 2Ana& Ana& Ana& %hat am I going to #o %ith yo .4 He"isses my hair. 2I ha'e some i#eas.4 I sB irm besi#e him an# %in!e as pain ra#iates thro ghmy pper bo#y from my br ise# ribs. 2>aby& yo $'e

been thro gh eno gh. >esi#es& I ha'e a be#time story foryo .4/h. 25o %ante# to "no% . . .4 He trails off& !loses his eyes an# s%allo%s. All of the hair on my bo#y stan#s on en#. Shit. He begins in a soft 'oi!e. 26i!t re this& an a#oles!ent boy loo"ing to earnsome e9tra money so he !an !ontin e his se!ret #rin"ing habit.4 He shifts onto hissi#e so that %e$re lying fa!ing ea!h other an# he$s ga)ing into my eyes. 2So I %as in the ba!"yar# at the @in!olns$& !learing some r bble an# trashfrom the e9tension Mr. @in!oln ha# = st a##e# to their pla!e . . .4 Holy f !" . . . he$s tal"ing. 4:7. I !an barely breathe. Do I %ant to hear this. 3hristian !loses his eyes an# s%al<lo%s. -hen he opens them again& they are bright b t #iffi#ent& f ll of #isB ietingmemories. 2It %as a hot s mmer #ay. I %as %or"ing har#.4 He snorts an# sha"es hishea#& s ##enly am se#. 2It %as ba!"brea"ing %or" shifting that r bble. I %as onmy o%n& an# Ele;Mrs. @in!oln appeare# o t of no%here an# bro ght me somelemona#e. -e e9!hange# small tal"& an# I ma#e some smart<ass remar" . . . an#she slappe# me. She slappe# me so har#.4 ?n!ons!io sly& his han# mo'es to hisfa!e an# he !aresses his !hee"& his eyes !lo #ing at the memory. Holy shit! 4::. 4*0+55, 2> t then she "isse# me. An# %hen she finishe#& she slappe# me again.4 Heblin"s& seemingly still !onfo n#e# e'en after all this time. 2I$# ne'er been "isse# before or hit li"e that.4 /h. She po n!e#. /n a "i#. 2Do yo %ant to hear this.4 3hristians as"s.5es . . . 1o . . . 2/nly if yo %ant to tell me.4 My 'oi!e is small as I lie fa!ing him& my min#reeling. 2I$m trying to gi'e yo some !onte9t.4 I no# in %hat I hope is an en!o raging manner. > t I s spe!t I may loo" li"ea stat e& fro)en an# %i#e<eye# %ith sho!". He fro%ns& his eyes sear!hing mine& trying to ga ge my rea!tion. (hen het rns onto his ba!" an# stares p at the !eiling. 2-ell& nat rally& I %as !onf se# an# angry an# horny as hell. I mean& a hotol#er %oman !omes on to yo li"e that;4 He sha"es his hea# as if he still !an$tbelie'e it. Hot. I feel B easy. 2She %ent ba!" into the ho se& lea'ing me in the ba!"yar#. She a!te# as ifnothing ha# happene#. I %as at a total loss. So I %ent ba!" to %or"& loa#ing ther bble into the # mpster. -hen I left that e'ening& she as"e# me to !ome ba!" thene9t #ay. She #i#n$t mention %hat ha# happene#. So the ne9t #ay I %ent ba!". I!o l#n$t %ait to see her again&4 he %hispers as if it$s a #ar" !onfession . . . be<!a se fran"ly it is. 2She #i#n$t to !h me %hen she "isse# me&4 he m rm rs an# t rns his hea# toga)e at me. 25o ha'e to n#erstan# . . . my life %as hell on earth. I %as a%al"ing har#<on& fifteen years ol#& tall for my age& hormones raging. (he girls ats!hool;4 He stops& b t I$'e got the pi!t reL a s!are#& lonely& b t attra!ti'e a#<oles!ent. My heart t%ists. 2I %as angry& so f !"ing angry at e'eryone& at myself& my fol"s. I ha# nofrien#s. My therapist at the time %as a total asshole. My fol"s& they "ept me on atight leashH they #i#n$t n#erstan#.4 He stares ba!" p at the !eiling an# r ns ahan# thro gh his hair. I it!h to r n my fingers thro gh his hair& too& b t I stay still. 2I = st !o l#n$t bear anyone to to !h me. I !o l#n$t. 3o l#n$t bear anyonenear me. I se# to fight . . . f !"& #i# I fight. I got into some go#<a%f l bra%ls. I%as e9pelle# from a !o ple of s!hools. > t it %as a %ay to let off steam. (o

4:*. 4*,+55,tolerate some "in# of physi!al !onta!t.4 He stops again. 2-ell& yo get the i#ea.An# %hen she "isse# me& she only grabbe# my fa!e. She #i#n$t to !h me.4 His'oi!e is barely a #ible. She m st ha'e "no%n. 6erhaps 0ra!e ha# tol# her. /h& my poor Fifty. I ha'eto fol# my han#s beneath my pillo% an# rest my hea# on it in or#er to resist the rge to hol# him. 2-ell& the ne9t #ay I %ent ba!" to the ho se& not "no%ing %hat to e9pe!t.An# I$ll spare yo the gory #etails& b t there %as more of the same. An# that$sho% o r relationship starte#.4 /h& f !"& this is painf l to hear. He shifts again onto his si#e so he$s fa!ing me. 2An# yo "no% something& Ana. My %orl# !ame into fo! s. Sharp an# !lear.E'erything. It %as e9a!tly %hat I nee#e#. She %as a breath of fresh air. Ma"ingthe #e!isions& ta"ing all that shit a%ay from me& letting me breathe.4Holy shit. 2An# e'en %hen it %as o'er& my %orl# staye# in fo! s be!a se of her. An# itstaye# that %ay ntil I met yo .4 -hat the hell am I s ppose# to say to that. (entati'ely& he smoothes a straylo!" of my hair behin# my ear. 25o t rne# my %orl# on its hea#.4 He !loses his eyes& an# %hen he opensthem again& they are ra%. 2My %orl# %as or#ere#& !alm an# !ontrolle#& then yo !ame into my life %ith yo r smart mo th& yo r inno!en!e& yo r bea ty& an# yo rB iet temerity . . . an# e'erything before yo %as = st # ll& empty& me#io!re . . . it%as nothing.4/h& my. 2I fell in lo'e&4 he %hispers. I stop breathing. He !aresses my !hee". 2So #i# I&4 I m rm r %ith the little breath I ha'e left. His eyes soften. 2I "no%&4 he mo ths. 25o #o.4 25es.4 Hallel =ah! I smile shyly at him. 2Finally&4 I %hisper. He no#s. 2An# it$s p t e'erything into perspe!ti'e for me. -hen I %asyo nger& Elena %as the !enter of my %orl#. (here %as nothing I %o l#n$t #o for 4:8. 4*A+55,her. An# she #i# a lot for me. She stoppe# my #rin"ing. Ma#e me %or" har# ats!hool . . . 5o "no%& she ga'e me a !oping me!hanism I ha#n$t ha# before& al<lo%e# me to e9perien!e things that I ne'er tho ght I !o l#.4 2(o !h&4 I %hisper. He no#s. 2After a fashion.4 I fro%n& %on#ering %hat he means. He hesitates at my rea!tion. (ell me! I %ill him. 2If yo gro% p %ith a %holly negati'e self<image& thin"ing yo $re some"in# of re=e!t& an nlo'able sa'age& yo thin" yo #eser'e to be beaten.43hristian . . . yo are none of those things. He pa ses an# r ns his han# thro gh his hair. 2Ana& it$s m !h easier to %earyo r pain on the o tsi#e . . .4 Again& it$s a !onfession. /h. 2She !hannele# my anger.4 His mo th presses together in a blea" line.2Mostly in%ar#;I reali)e that no%. Dr. Flynn$s been on an# on abo t this forsome time. It %as only re!ently that I sa% o r relationship for %hat it %as. 5o "no% . . . on my birth#ay.4 I sh ##er as the n%el!ome memory of Elena an# 3hristian 'erbally e'is!er<ating ea!h other at 3hristian$s birth#ay party s rfa!es n%el!ome in my min#. 2For her that si#e of o r relationship %as abo t se9 an# !ontrol an# a lonely%oman fin#ing some "in# of !omfort %ith her boy toy.4 2> t yo li"e !ontrol&4 I %hisper. 25es. I #o. I al%ays %ill& Ana. It$s %ho I am. I s rren#ere# it for a brief%hile. @et someone ma"e all my #e!isions for me. I !o l#n$t #o it myself;I%asn$t in a fit state. > t thro gh my s bmission to her& I fo n# myself an# fo n#the strength to ta"e !harge of my life . . . ta"e !ontrol an# ma"e my o%n#e!isions.4 2>e!ome a Dom.4 25es.4 25o r #e!ision.4 25es.4

2Dropping o t of Har'ar#.4 2My #e!ision& an# it %as the best #e!ision I e'er ma#e. ?ntil I met yo .4 2Me.4 4*0. 4*E+55, 25es.4 His lips B ir" p in a soft smile. 2(he best #e!ision I e'er ma#e %asmarrying yo .4 /h my. 21ot starting yo r !ompany.4 He sha"es his hea#. 21ot learning to fly.4 He sha"es his hea#. 25o &4 he mo ths. He !aresses my !hee" %ith his"n !"les. 2She "ne%&4 he %hispers. I fro%n. 2She "ne% %hat.4 2(hat I %as hea# o'er heels in lo'e %ith yo . She en!o rage# me to go #o%nto 0eorgia to see yo & an# I$m gla# she #i#. She tho ght yo $# frea" o t an#lea'e. -hi!h yo #i#.4 I pale. I$# rather not thin" abo t that. 2She tho ght I nee#e# all the trappings of the lifestyle I en=oye#.4 2(he Dom.4 I %hisper. He no#s. 2It enable# me to "eep e'eryone at arm$s length& ga'e me !ontrol&an# "ept me #eta!he#& or so I tho ght. I$m s re yo $'e %or"e# o t %hy&4 he a##ssoftly. 25o r birth mom.4 2I #i#n$t %ant to be h rt again. An# then yo left me.4 His %or#s are barelya #ible. 2An# I %as a mess.4/h& no. 2I$'e a'oi#e# intima!y for so long;I #on$t "no% ho% to #o this.4 25o $re #oing fine&4 I m rm r. I tra!e his lips %ith my in#e9 finger. Hep rses them into a "iss. 5o $re tal"ing to me. 2Do yo miss it.4 I %hisper. 2Miss it.4 2(hat lifestyle.4 25es& I #o.4/h! 2> t only insofar as I miss the !ontrol it brings. An# fran"ly& yo r st pi#st nt4;he stops;2that sa'e# my sister&4 he %hispers& his %or#s f ll of relief&a%e& an# #isbelief. 2(hat$s ho% I "no%.4 2Fno%.4 2Really "no% that yo lo'e me.4 4*,. 4*4+55, I fro%n. 25o #o.4 25es. >e!a se yo ris"e# so m !h . . . for me& for my family.4 My fro%n #eepens. He rea!hes o'er an# tra!es his finger o'er the mi##le ofmy bro% abo'e my nose. 25o ha'e a C here %hen yo fro%n&4 he m rm rs. 2It$s 'ery soft to "iss. I!an beha'e so ba#ly . . . an# yet yo $re still here.4 2-hy are yo s rprise# I$m still here. I tol# yo I %asn$t going to lea'eyo .4 2>e!a se of the %ay that I beha'e# %hen yo tol# me yo %ere pregnant.4He r ns his finger #o%n my !hee". 25o %ere right. I am an a#oles!ent.4 /h shit . . . I #i# say that. My s b!ons!io s glares at me. His #o!tor sai#that! 23hristian& I sai# some a%f l things.4 He p ts his in#e9 finger o'er my lips. 2H sh. I #eser'e# to hear them. >esi#es this is my be#time story.4 He rollsonto his ba!" again. 2-hen yo tol# me yo %ere pregnant;4 He stops. 2I$# tho ght it %o l# be= st yo an# me for a %hile. I$# !onsi#ere# !hil#ren& b t only in the abstra!t. I ha#this 'ag e i#ea %e$# ha'e a !hil# sometime in the f t re.4 D st one. 1o . . . 1ot an only !hil#. 1ot li"e me. 6erhaps no%$s not the besttime to bring that p. 25o are still so yo ng& an# I "no% yo $re B ietly ambitio s.4Ambitio s. Me. 2-ell& yo p lle# the r g from n#er me. 3hrist& %as that ne9pe!te#. 1e'erin a million years& %hen I as"e# yo %hat %as %rong& #i# I e9pe!t yo to be preg<nant.4 He sighs. 2I %as so ma#. Ma# at yo . Ma# at myself. Ma# at e'eryone.An# it too" me ba!"& that feeling of nothing being in my !ontrol. I ha# to get o t.I %ent to see Flynn& b t he %as at some s!hool parents$ e'ening.4 3hristianpa ses an# ar!hes an eyebro%. 2Ironi!&4 I %hisper. 3hristian smir"s in agreement. 2So I %al"e# an# %al"e# an# %al"e#& an# I = st . . . fo n# myself at thesalon. Elena %as lea'ing. She %as s rprise# to see me. An#&

tr th be tol#& I %ass rprise# to fin# myself there. She !o l# tell I %as ma# an# as"e# me if I %ante#a #rin".4 4*A. 4*5+55, /h shit. -e$'e ! t to the !hase. My heart #o bles in spee#. Do I really %antto "no% this. My s b!ons!io s glares at me& a pl !"e# eyebro% raise# in%arning. 2-e %ent to a B iet bar I "no% an# ha# a bottle of %ine. She apologi)e# forthe %ay she beha'e# the last time she sa% s. She$s h rt that my mom %ill ha'enothing to #o %ith her any more;it$s narro%e# her so!ial !ir!le;b t she n#er<stan#s. -e tal"e# abo t the b siness& %hi!h is #oing fine& in spite of the re!es<sion . . . I mentione# that yo %ante# "i#s.4 I fro%n. 2I tho ght yo let her "no% I %as pregnant.4 He regar#s me& his fa!e g ileless. 21o& I #i#n$t.4 2-hy #i#n$t yo tell me that.4 He shr gs. 2I ne'er got the !han!e.4 25es& yo #i#.4 2I !o l#n$t fin# yo the ne9t morning& Ana. An# %hen I #i#& yo %ere soma# at me . . .4 /h& yes. 2I %as.4 2Any%ay& at some point in the e'ening;abo t half%ay thro gh the se!on#bottle;she leane# o'er to to !h me. An# I fro)e&4 he %hispers& thro%ing his armo'er his eyes. My s!alp tingles. -hat$s this. 2She sa% that I re!oile# from her. It sho!"e# both of s.4 His 'oi!e is lo%&too lo%. 3hristian loo" at me! I t g at his arm an# he lo%ers it& t rning to ga)e intomy eyes. Shit. His fa!e is pale& his eyes %i#e. 2-hat.4 I breathe. He fro%ns& an# s%allo%s. /h . . . %hat isn$t he telling me. Do I %ant to "no%. 2She ma#e a pass at me.4 He$s sho!"e#& I !an tell. All the breath is s !"e# from my bo#y. I feel %in#e#& an# I thin" my hearthas stoppe#. (hat f !"ing bit!h troll! 2It %as a moment& s spen#e# in time. She sa% my e9pression& an# she real<i)e# ho% far she$# !rosse# the line. I sai# . . . no. I ha'en$t tho ght of her li"e thatfor years& an# besi#es4;he s%allo%s;2I lo'e yo . I tol# her& I lo'e my %ife.4 I ga)e at him. I #on$t "no% %hat to say. 4*E. 4*7+55, 2She ba!"e# right off. Apologi)e# again& ma#e it seem li"e a =o"e. I mean&she sai# she$s happy %ith Isaa! an# %ith the b siness an# she #oesn$t bear eitherof s any ill %ill. She sai# she misse# my frien#ship& b t she !o l# see that mylife %as %ith yo no%. An# ho% a%"%ar# that %as& gi'en %hat happene# lasttime %e %ere all in the same room. I !o l#n$t ha'e agree# %ith her more. -e sai#o r goo#<byes;o r final goo#<byes. I sai# I %o l#n$t see her again& an# she %enton her %ay.4 I s%allo%& fear gripping my heart. 2Di# yo "iss.4 21o!4 he snorts. 2I !o l#n$t bear to be that !lose to her.4/h. 0oo#. 2I %as miserable. I %ante# to !ome home to yo . > t . . . I "ne% I$# beha'e#ba#ly. I staye# an# finishe# the bottle& then starte# on the bo rbon. -hile I %as#rin"ing& I remember yo saying to me some time ago& ZIf that %as my son . . .$An# I got to thin"ing abo t D nior an# abo t ho% Elena an# I starte#. An# it ma#eme feel . . . n!omfortable. I$# ne'er tho ght of it li"e that before.4 A memory blossoms in my min#;a %hispere# !on'ersation from %hen I%as half !ons!io s;3hristian$s 'oi!eL 2> t seeing her finally p t it all in per<spe!ti'e for me. 5o "no% . . . %ith the !hil#. For the first time I felt . . . -hat %e#i# . . . it %as %rong.4 He$# been spea"ing to 0ra!e. 2(hat$s it.4 26retty m !h.4 2/h.4 2/h.4 2It$s o'er.4 25es. It$s been o'er sin!e I lai# eyes on yo . I finally reali)e# it that nightan# so #i# she.4 2I$m sorry&4 I m tter. He fro%ns. 2-hat for.4 2>eing so angry the ne9t #ay.4

He snorts. 2>aby& I n#erstan# angry.4 He pa ses then sighs. 25o see& Ana&I %ant yo to myself. I #on$t %ant to share yo . -hat %e ha'e& I$'e ne'er ha# be<fore. I %ant to be the !enter of yo r ni'erse& for a %hile at least.4 /h& 3hristian. 25o are. (hat$s not going to !hange.4 He gi'es me an in# lgent& sa#& resigne# smile. 2Ana&4 he %hispers. 2(hat$s= st not tr e.4 4*4. 4*:+55, (ears pri!" my eyes. 2Ho% !an it be.4 he m rm rs. /h& no. 2Shit;#on$t !ry& Ana. 6lease& #on$t !ry.4 He !aresses my fa!e. 2I$m sorry.4 My lo%er lip trembles& an# he br shes his th mb o'er it& sooth<ing me. 21o& Ana& no. Don$t be sorry. 5o $ll ha'e someone else to lo'e as %ell. An#yo $re right. (hat$s ho% it sho l# be.4 2>lip %ill lo'e yo & too. 5o $ll be the !enter of >lip$s;D nior$s %orl#&4 I%hisper. 23hil#ren lo'e their parents n!on#itionally& 3hristian. (hat$s ho% they!ome into the %orl#. 6rogramme# to lo'e. All babies . . . e'en yo . (hin" abo tthat !hil#ren$s boo" yo li"e# %hen yo %ere small. 5o still %ante# yo r mom.5o lo'e# her.4 He f rro%s his bro% an# %ith#ra%s his han#& fisting it against his !hin. 21o&4 he %hispers. 25es. 5o #i#.4 My tears flo% freely no%. 2/f !o rse yo #i#. It %asn$t anoption. (hat$s %hy yo $re so h rt.4 He stares at me& his e9pression ra%. 2(hat$s %hy yo $re able to lo'e me&4 I m rm r. 2Forgi'e her. She ha# hero%n %orl# of pain to #eal %ith. She %as a shitty mother& an# yo lo'e# her.4 He ga)es at me& saying nothing& eyes ha nte#;by memories I !an$t begin tofathom./h& please #on$t stop tal"ing. E'ent ally he says& 2I se# to br sh her hair. She %as pretty.4 2/ne loo" at yo an# no one %o l# #o bt that.4 2She %as a shitty mother.4 His 'oi!e is barely a #ible. I no# an# he !loses his eyes. 2I$m s!are# I$ll be a shitty father.4 I stro"e his #ear fa!e. /h& my Fifty& Fifty& Fifty. 23hristian& #o yo thin" forone min te I$# let yo be a shitty father.4 He opens his eyes an# ga)es at me for %hat feels li"e an eternity. He smilesas relief slo%ly ill minates his fa!e. 21o& I #on$t thin" yo %o l#.4 He !aressesmy fa!e %ith the ba!" of his "n !"les& ga)ing at me in %on#er. 20o#& yo $restrong& Mrs. 0rey. I lo'e yo so m !h.4 He "isses my forehea#. 2I #i#n$t "no% I!o l#.4 2/h& 3hristian&4 I %hisper& trying to !ontain my emotions. 4*5. 4**+55, 21o%& that$s the en# of yo r be#time story.4 2(hat$s some be#si#e story . . .4 He smiles %istf lly& b t I thin" he$s relie'e#. 2Ho%$s yo r hea#.4 2My hea#.4 A!t ally& it$s abo t to e9plo#e %ith all yo $'e tol# me! 2Does it h rt.4 21o.4 20oo#. I thin" yo sho l# sleep no%.4Sleep! Ho% !an I sleep after all that. 2Sleep&4 he says sternly. 25o nee# it.4 I po t. 2I ha'e one B estion.4 2/h. -hat.4 He eyes me %arily. 2-hy ha'e yo s ##enly be!ome all . . . forth!oming& for %ant of a better%or#.4 He fro%ns. 25o $re telling me all this& %hen getting information o t of yo is normally apretty harro%ing an# trying e9perien!e.4 2It is. 25o "no% it is.4 2-hy am I being forth!oming. I !an$t say. Seeing yo pra!ti!ally #ea# onthe !ol# !on!rete& maybe. (he fa!t I$m going to be a father. I #on$t "no%. 5o sai# yo %ante# to "no%& an# I #on$t %ant Elena to !ome bet%een s. She !an$t.She$s the past& an# I$'e sai# that to yo so many times.4 2If she ha#n$t ma#e a pass at yo . . . %o l# yo still be frien#s.4 2(hat$s more than one B estion.4 2Sorry. 5o #on$t ha'e to tell me.4 I fl sh. 25o $'e alrea#y 'ol nteere#more than I

e'er tho ght yo %o l#.4 His ga)e softens. 21o& I #on$t thin" so& b t she$s felt li"e nfinishe# b sinesssin!e my birth#ay. She steppe# o'er the line& an# I$m #one. 6lease& belie'e me.I$m not going to see her again. 5o sai# she$s a har# limit for yo . (hat$s a term I n#erstan#&4 he says %ith B iet sin!erity. /"ay. I$m going to let this go no%. My s b!ons!io s sags into her arm!hair.Finally! 20oo#night& 3hristian. (han" yo for the enlightening be#time story.4 I leano'er to "iss him& an# o r lips to !h briefly& b t he p lls ba!" %hen I try to #eepenthe "iss. 4*7. 4*8+55, 2Don$t&4 he %hispers. 2I am #esperate to ma"e lo'e to yo .4 2(hen #o.4 21o& yo nee# to rest& an# it$s late. 0o to sleep.4 He s%it!hes off the be#si#elight& pl nging s into #ar"ness. 2I lo'e yo n!on#itionally& 3hristian&4 I m rm r as I ! ##le into his si#e. 2I "no%&4 he %hispers& an# I sense his shy smile.I %a"e %ith a start. @ight is floo#ing the room& an# 3hristian is not in be#. Iglan!e at the !lo!" an# see it$s se'en fifty<three. I ta"e a #eep breath an# %in!e asmy ribs smart tho gh not as ba#ly as yester#ay. I thin" I !o l# go to %or".-or";5es. I %ant to go to %or". It$s Mon#ay& an# I spent all of yester#ay lo nging abo t in be#. 3hristianonly let me go o t briefly to see Ray. Honestly& he$s still s !h a !ontrol frea". Ismile fon#ly. My !ontrol frea". He$s been attenti'e an# lo'ing an# !hatty . . . an#han#s<off sin!e I arri'e# home. I s!o%l. I am going to ha'e to #o something abo tthis. My hea# #oesn$t h rt& the pain aro n# my ribs has ease#;tho gh& a#mit<te#ly& la ghing has to be n#erta"en %ith !a tion; b t I$m fr strate#. I thin" thisis the longest I$'e gone %itho t se9 sin!e . . . %ell& sin!e the first time. I thin" %e$'e both re!o'ere# o r eB ilibri m. 3hristian is m !h more re<la9e#H his long be#time story seems to ha'e lai# some ghosts to rest& for him an#for me. -e$ll see. I sho%er B i!"ly& an# on!e I$m #ry& I bro%se !aref lly thro gh my !lothes. I%ant something se9y. Something that might gal'ani)e 3hristian into a!tion. -ho%o l# ha'e tho ght s !h an insatiable man !o l# a!t ally e9er!ise so m !h self<!ontrol. I #on$t really %ant to #%ell on ho% 3hristian learne# s !h #is!ipline o'er 4*:. 480+55,his bo#y. -e ha'en$t spo"en of the >it!h (roll on!e sin!e his !onfessional. I hope%e ne'er #o. (o me she$s #ea# an# b rie#. I !hoose an almost in#e!ently short bla!" s"irt an# a %hite sil" blo se %ith afrill. I sli#e on thigh<highs %ith la!y tops an# my bla!" @o bo tin p mps. A littlemas!ara an# lip gloss for a nat ral loo"& an# after a fero!io s br shing& I lea'e myhair loose. 5es. (his sho l# #o it. 3hristian is eating at the brea"fast bar. His for"f l of omelet stops in mi#air%hen he sees me. He fro%ns. 20oo# morning& Mrs. 0rey. 0oing some%here.4 2-or".4 I smile s%eetly. 2I #on$t thin" so.4 3hristian snorts %ith am se# #erision. 2Dr. Singh sai# a%ee" off.4 23hristian& I am not spen#ing the #ay lo nging in be# on my o%n. So I mayas %ell go to %or". 0oo# morning& 0ail.4 2Mrs. 0rey.4 Mrs. Dones tries to hi#e a smile. 2-o l# yo li"e somebrea"fast.4 26lease.4 20ranola.4 2I$# prefer s!ramble# eggs %ith %hole %heat toast.4 Mrs. Dones grins an# 3hristian registers his s rprise. 2Cery goo#& Mrs. 0rey&4 Mrs. Dones says. 2Ana& yo are not going to %or".4 2> t;4 21o. It$s simple. Don$t arg e.4 3hristian is a#amant. I glare at him& an# onlythen #o I noti!e that he$s in the

same pa=ama bottoms an# (<shirt he %as %earinglast night. 2Are yo going to %or".4 I as". 21o.4 Am I going !ra)y. 2It is Mon#ay& right.4 He smiles. 2@ast time I loo"e#.4 I narro% my eyes. 2Are yo playing hoo"y.4 2I$m not lea'ing yo here on yo r o%n to get into tro ble. An# Dr. Singhsai# it %o l# be a %ee" before yo !o l# go ba!" to %or". Remember.4 I sli#e onto a bar stool besi#e him an# hoist my s"irt p a little. Mrs. Donespla!es a ! p of tea in front of me.25o loo" goo#&4 3hristian says. I !ross my 4**. 48,+55,legs. 2Cery goo#. Espe!ially here.4 He tra!es a finger o'er the bare flesh thatsho%s abo'e my thigh<highs. My p lse B i!"ens as his finger r ns a!ross mys"in. 2(his s"irt is 'ery short&4 he m rm rs& 'ag e #isappro'al in his 'oi!e as hiseyes follo% his finger. 2Is it. I ha#n$t noti!e#.4 3hristian ga)es at me& mo th t%iste# in an am se# yet e9asperate# smir". 2Really& Mrs. 0rey.4 I bl sh. 2I$m not s re this loo" is s itable for the %or"pla!e&4 he m rm rs. 2-ell& sin!e I$m not going to %or"& that$s a moot point.4 2Moot.4 2Moot&4 I mo th. 3hristian smir"s again an# res mes eating his omelet. 2I ha'e a better i#ea.4 25o #o.4 He glan!es at me thro gh long lashes& gray eyes #ar"ening. I inhale sharply./h& my. Abo t time. 2-e !an go see ho% Elliot$s getting on %ith the ho se.4 -hat. /h! (ease! I 'ag ely remember %e %ere s ppose# to #o that beforeRay %as in= re#. 2I$# lo'e to.4 20oo#.4 He grins. 2Don$t yo ha'e to %or".4 21o. Ros is ba!" from (ai%an. (hat all %ent %ell. (o#ay& e'erything$s fine.4 2I tho ght yo %ere going to (ai%an.4 He snorts again. 2Ana& yo %ere in the hospital.4 2/h.4 25eah; oh. So to#ay I$m spen#ing some B ality time %ith my %ife.4 Hesma!"s his lips together as he ta"es a sip of !offee. 2O ality time.4 I !an$t #isg ise the hope in my 'oi!e. Mrs. Dones pla!es my s!ramble# eggs in front of me& again failing to hi#e hersmile. 3hristian smir"s. 2O ality time.4 He no#s. I am too h ngry to flirt anymore %ith my h sban#. 2It$s goo# to see yo eat&4 he m rm rs. Rising& he leans o'er an# "isses myhair. 2I$m going to sho%er.4 4*8. 48A+55, 2?m . . . !an I !ome an# s!r b yo r ba!".4 I m mble thro gh a mo th f ll oftoast an# s!ramble# egg. 21o. Eat.4 @ea'ing the brea"fast bar& he t gs his (<shirt o'er his hea#& treating me to thesight of his finely s! lpt re# sho l#ers an# na"e# ba!" as he sa nters o t of thegreat room. I stop mi#<!he%. He$s #oing this on p rpose. -hy.3hristian is rela9e# on the #ri'e north. -e$'e = st left Ray an# Mr. Ro#rig e)%at!hing so!!er on the ne% flat<s!reen tele'ision that I s spe!t 3hristian hasbo ght for Ray$s hospital room. 3hristian has been lai# ba!" e'er sin!e 2the tal".4 It$s as if a %eight has beenlifte#H Mrs. Robinson$s sha#o% no longer looms so large o'er s& maybe be!a seI$'e #e!i#e# to let it go;or be!a se he has& I #on$t "no%. > t I feel !loser to himno% than I e'er ha'e before. 6erhaps be!a se he$s finally !onfi#e# in me. I hopehe !ontin es to #o so. An# he$s more a!!epting of the baby& too. He hasn$t goneo t an# bo ght a !rib yet& b t I ha'e high hopes. I ga)e at him& #rin"ing him in as he #ri'es. He loo"s !as al& !ool . . . se9y%ith his to sle# hair& Ray<>ans& pinstripe =a!"et& %hite linen shirt& an# =eans. He glan!es at me an# !lasps my leg abo'e the "nee& his fingers stro"inggently. 2I$m gla# yo #i#n$t !hange.4 I #i# slip on a #enim =a!"et an# !hange to flats& b t I$m still %earing the shorts"irt. His han# lingers

abo'e my "nee. I p t my han# on his. 2Are yo going to !ontin e to tease me.4 2Maybe.4 3hristian smiles. 2-hy.4 2>e!a se I !an.4 He grins& boyish as e'er. 2(%o !an play at that game&4 I %hisper. His fingers mo'e tantali)ingly p my thigh. 2>ring it on& Mrs. 0rey.4 Hisgrin broa#ens. I pi!" p his han# an# p t it ba!" on his "nee. 2-ell& yo !an "eep yo rhan#s to yo rself.4 He smir"s. 2As yo %ish& Mrs. 0rey.4 Dammit. (his game is going to ba!"fire on me. 480. 48E+55,3hristian t rns into the #ri'e%ay of o r ne% ho se. He stops at the "eypa# an#p n!hes in a n mber& an# the ornate %hite metal gates s%ing open. -e roar p thetree<line# lane n#er lea'es that are a blen# of green& yello%& an# b rnishe# !op<per. (he tall grass in the mea#o% is t rning gol#& b t there are still a fe% yello%%il#flo%ers #otte# among the grass. It$s a bea tif l #ay. (he s n is shining& an#the salty tang of the So n# is in the air mi9e# %ith the s!ent of the !oming fall.(his is s !h a tranB il an# bea tif l pla!e. An# to thin" %e$re going to ma"e o rhome here. (he lane ! r'es aro n#& an# o r ho se !omes into 'ie%. Se'eral large tr !"s&si#es embla)one# %ith 0RE5 3/1S(R?3(I/1& are par"e# o t front. (he ho se is#e!"e# in s!affol#ing& an# se'eral %or"men in har# hats are b sy on the roof. 3hristian p lls p o tsi#e the porti!o an# s%it!hes off the engine. I !an sensehis e9!itement. 2@et$s go fin# Elliot.4 2Is he here.4 2I hope so. I$m paying him eno gh.4 I snort& an# 3hristian grins as %e get o t of the !ar. 25o& >ro!4 Elliot sho ts from some%here. -e both glan!e aro n#. 2?p here!4 He$s p on the roof& %a'ing #o%n at s an# beaming from ear toear. 2Abo t time %e sa% yo here. Stay %here yo are. I$ll be right #o%n.4 I glan!e at 3hristian& %ho shr gs. A fe% min tes later& Elliot appears at thefront #oor. 2Hey& bro.4 He sha"es 3hristian$s han#. 2An# ho% are yo & little la#y.4 Hepi!"s me p an# s%ings me aro n#. 2>etter& than"s&4 I giggle breathlessly& my ribs protesting. 3hristian fro%ns athim& b t Elliot ignores him. 2@et$s hea# o'er to the site offi!e. 5o $ll nee# one of these.4 He taps his har#hat. (he ho se is a shell. (he floors are !o'ere# in a har# fibro s material thatloo"s li"e b rlapH some of the original %alls ha'e #isappeare# an# ne% ones ha'eta"en their pla!e. Elliot lea#s s thro gh& e9plaining %hat$s happening& %hilemen;an# a fe% %omen;%or" e'ery%here aro n# s. I$m relie'e# to see thestone stair!ase %ith its intri!ate iron bal stra#e is still in pla!e an# #rape# !om<pletely in %hite # stsheets. 48,. 484+55, In the main li'ing area& the ba!" %all has been remo'e# to ma"e %ay for0ia$s glass %all& an# %or" is beginning on the terra!e. In spite of the mess& the'ie% is still st nning. (he ne% %or" is sympatheti! an# in "eeping %ith the ol#<%orl# !harm of the ho se . . . 0ia$s #one %ell. Elliot patiently e9plains the pro<!esses an# gi'es s a ro gh timeframe for ea!h. He$s hoping %e !an be in by3hristmas& altho gh 3hristian thin"s this is optimisti!. Holy !o%;3hristmas o'erloo"ing the So n#. I !an$t %ait. A b bble of e9<!itement blooms insi#e me. I ha'e 'isions of s trimming an enormo s tree %hilea !opper<haire# little boy loo"s on in %on#er. Elliot finishes o r to r in the "it!hen. 2I$ll lea'e yo t%o to roam. >e !aref l.(his is a b il#ing site.4 2S re. (han"s& Elliot&4 3hristian m rm rs& ta"ing my

han#. 2Happy.4 heas"s on!e Elliot has left s alone. I am ga)ing at this empty shell of a room an#%on#ering %here I %ill hang the pepper pi!t res that %e bo ght in Fran!e. 2Cery. I lo'e it. 5o .4 2Ditto.4 He grins. 20oo#. I %as thin"ing of the pepper pi!t res in here.4 3hristian no#s. 2I %ant to p t p DosG$s portraits of yo in this ho se. 5o nee# to #e!i#e %here they sho l# go.4 I bl sh. 2Some%here I %on$t see them often.4 2Don$t be li"e that.4 He s!ol#s me& br shing his th mb a!ross my bottom lip.2(hey$re my fa'orite pi!t res. I lo'e the one in my offi!e.4 2I ha'e no i#ea %hy&4 I m rm r an# "iss the pa# of his th mb. 2-orse things to #o than loo" at yo r bea tif l smiling fa!e all #ay.H ngry.4 he as"s. 2H ngry for %hat.4 I %hisper. He smir"s& his eyes #ar"ening. Hope an# #esire nf rl in my 'eins. 2Foo#& Mrs. 0rey.4 An# he plants a s%ift "iss on my lips. I gi'e him my fa 9 po t an# sigh. 25es. (hese #ays I$m al%ays h ngry.4 2(he three of s !an ha'e a pi!ni!.4 2(hree of s. Is someone =oining s.4 3hristian !o!"s his hea# to one si#e. 2In abo t se'en or eight months.4 /h . . . >lip. I grin goofily at him. 2I tho ght yo might li"e to eat al fres!o.4 2In the mea#o%.4 I as". 48A. 485+55, He no#s. 2S re.4 I grin. 2(his %ill be a great pla!e to raise a family&4 he m rm rs& ga)ing #o%n atme. Family! More than one. Dare I mention this no%. He sprea#s his fingers o'er my belly. Holy shit. I hol# my breath an# pla!emy han# o'er his. 2It$s har# to belie'e&4 he %hispers& an# for the first time I hear %on#er in his'oi!e. 2I "no%. /h;here& I ha'e e'i#en!e. A pi!t re.4 25o #o. >aby$s first smile.4 I p ll o t the ltraso n# of >lip from my %allet. 2See.4 3hristian e9amines it !losely& staring for se'eral se!on#s. 2/h . . . >lip.5eah& I see.4 He so n#s #istra!te#& a%e#. 25o r !hil#&4 I %hisper. 2/ r !hil#.4 He !o nters. 2First of many.4 2Many.4 3hristian$s eyes %i#en %ith alarm. 2At least t%o.4 2(%o.4 He tests the %or#. 23an %e = st ta"e this one !hil# at a time.4 I grin. 2S re.4 -e hea# ba!" o tsi#e into the %arm fall afternoon. 2-hen are yo going to tell yo r fol"s.4 3hristian as"s. 2Soon&4 I m rm r. 2I tho ght abo t telling Ray this morning& b t Mr. Ro#rig< e) %as there.4 I shr g. 3hristian no#s an# opens the hoo# of the R*. Insi#e are a %i!"er pi!ni! bas<"et an# the tartan blan"et %e bo ght in @on#on. 23ome&4 he says& ta"ing the bas"et an# blan"et in one han# an# hol#ing theother o t to me. (ogether %e %al" into the mea#o%.2S re& Ros& go for it.4 3hristian hangs p. (hat$s the thir# !all he$s ta"en # ringo r pi!ni!. He$s "i!"e# off his shoes an# so!"s& an# is %at!hing me& arms on his 48E. 487+55,raise# "nees. His =a!"et lies #is!ar#e# on top of mine& as %e$re %arm in the s n. Ilie besi#e him& stret!he# o t on the pi!ni! blan"et& both of s s rro n#e# by tallgol#en an# green grass far from the noise at the ho se an# hi##en from the pryingeyes of the !onstr !tion %or"ers. -e are in o r o%n b !oli! ha'en. He fee#s meanother stra%berry& an# I !he% an# s !" it gratef lly& ga)ing at his #ar"eningeyes. 2(asty.4 he %hispers. 2Cery.4 2Ha# eno gh.4 2/f stra%berries& yes.4 His eyes glitter #angero sly& an# he grins. 2Mrs. Dones pa!"s a mighty finepi!ni!&4 he says. 2(hat she #oes&4 I %hisper. Shifting s ##enly& he lies #o%n so his hea# is resting on my belly. He !loseshis eyes an# seems !ontent. I tangle my fingers in his hair. He sighs hea'ily& then s!o%ls an# !he!"s the n mber on the s!reen of hisb ))ing

>la!">erry. He rolls his eyes an# ta"es the !all. 2-el!h&4 he snaps. He tenses& listens for a se!on# or t%o& then s ##enly bolts pright. 2A4<: . . . (han"s&4 he says thro gh gritte# teeth an# hangs p. (he !hange inhis moo# is instant. 0one is my teasing& flirtatio s h sban#& repla!e# by a !ol#&!al! lating master of the ni'erse. He narro%s his eyes for a moment then gi'esme a !ool& !hilling smile. A shi'er r ns #o%n my ba!". He pi!"s p his >la!"<>erry an# presses a spee# #ial. 2Ros& ho% m !h sto!" #o %e o%n in @in!oln (imber.4 He "neels p. My s!alp pri!"les. /h no& %hat$s this. 2So& !onsoli#ate the shares into 0EH& then fire the boar# . . . e9!ept the3E/ . . . I #on$t gi'e a f !" . . . I hear yo & = st #o it . . . than" yo . . . "eep meinforme#.4 He hangs p& an# ga)es at me impassi'ely for a moment. Holy shit! 3hristian is ma#. 2-hat$s happene#.4 2@in!&4 he m rm rs. 2@in!. Elena$s e9.4 2(he same. He$s the one %ho poste# Hy#e$s bail.4 I gape at 3hristian in sho!". His mo th is presse# in a har# line. 484. 48:+55, 2-ell;he$ll loo" li"e an i#iot&4 I m rm r& #ismaye#. 2I mean& Hy#e !om<mitte# another !rime %hile o t on bail.4 3hristian$s eyes narro% an# he smir"s. 2Fair point %ell ma#e& Mrs. 0rey.4 2-hat #i# yo = st #o.4 I "neel& fa!ing him. 2I f !"e# him o'er.4 /h! 2?m . . . that seems a little imp lsi'e&4 I m rm r. 2I$m an in<the<moment "in# of g y.4 2I$m a%are of that.4 His eyes narro% an# his lips thin. 2I$'e ha# this plan in my ba!" po!"et for a%hile&4 he says #ryly. I fro%n. 2/h.4 He pa ses& seeming to %eigh something in his min#& then ta"es a #eep breath. 2Se'eral years ba!"& %hen I %as t%enty<one& @in! beat his %ife to a p lp. Hebro"e her =a%& her left arm& an# fo r of her ribs be!a se she %as f !"ing me.4 Hiseyes har#en. 2An# no% I learn he poste# bail for a man %ho trie# to "ill me& "i#<nappe# my sister& an# fra!t re# my %ife$s s" ll. I$'e ha# eno gh. I thin" it$s pay<ba!" time.4 I blan!h. Holy shit. 2Fair point %ell ma#e& Mr. 0rey&4 I %hisper. 2Ana& this is %hat I #o. I$m not s ally moti'ate# by re'enge& b t I !annot lethim get a%ay %ith this. -hat he #i# to Elena . . . %ell& she sho l# ha'e presse#!harges& b t she #i#n$t. (hat %as her prerogati'e. 2> t he$s serio sly !rosse# the line %ith Hy#e. @in!$s ma#e this personal bygoing after my family. I$m going to !r sh him& brea" p his !ompany right n#erhis nose& an# sell the pie!es to the highest bi##er. I am going to ban"r pt him.4/h . . . 2>esi#es.4 3hristian smir"s. 2-e$ll ma"e goo# money o t of the #eal.4 I stare into bla)ing gray eyes that soften s ##enly. 2I #i#n$t mean to frighten yo &4 he %hispers. 25o #i#n$t&4 I lie. He ar!hes a bro%& am se#. 25o = st too" me by s rprise&4 I %hisper& then s%allo%. 3hristian is reallyB ite s!ary sometimes. He br shes his lips against mine. 2I %ill #o anything to "eep yo safe. Feepmy family safe. Feep this little one safe&4 he m rm rs an# splays his han# o to'er my belly in a gentle !aress. 485. 48*+55, /h . . . I stop breathing. 3hristian ga)es #o%n at me& his eyes #ar"ening. Hislips part as he inhales an#& in a #eliberate mo'e& the tips of his fingers br shagainst my se9. Holy shit. Desire #etonates li"e an in!en#iary #e'i!e igniting my bloo#<stream. I grasp his hea#& my fingers %ea'ing into his hair& an# t g har# so my lipsfin# his. He gasps& s rprise# by my assa lt& gi'ing my tong e free passage into hismo th. He groans an# "isses me ba!"&

his lips an# tong e h ngry for mine& an#for a moment %e !ons me ea!h other& lost in tong es an# lips an# breaths an#s%eet& s%eet sensation as %e re#is!o'er ea!h other. /h& I %ant this man. It$s been too long. I %ant him here& no%& in the open air&in o r mea#o%. 2Ana&4 he breathes& entran!e#& an# his han# s"ims o'er my ba!"si#e to thehem of my s"irt. I s!ramble to nb tton his shirt& all fingers an# th mbs. 2-hoa& Ana;stop.4 He p lls ba!"& his =a% !len!he#& an# grabs my han#s. 21o.4 My teeth !lamp gently aro n# his lo%er lip an# I t g. 21o&4 I m rm ragain& ga)ing at him. I release him. 2I %ant yo .4 He inhales sharply. He$s torn& his in#e!ision %rit large in l mino s gray eyes. 26lease& I nee# yo .4 E'ery pore of my being is begging. (his is %hat %e #o. He groans in #efeat as his mo th fin#s mine& mol#ing my lips to his. /nehan# !ra#les my hea# %hile the other s"ims #o%n my bo#y to my %aist& an# heeases me onto my ba!" an# stret!hes o t besi#e me& ne'er brea"ing !onta!t %ithmy mo th. He p lls ba!"& ho'ering o'er me an# ga)ing #o%n. 25o are so bea tif l&Mrs. 0rey.4 I !aress his lo'ely fa!e. 2So are yo & Mr. 0rey. Insi#e an# o t.4 He fro%ns& an# my fingers tra!e the f rro% in his bro%. 2Don$t fro%n. 5o are to me& e'en %hen yo $re angry&4 I %hisper. He groans on!e more& an# his mo th !apt res mine& p shing me into the softgrass beneath the blan"et. 2I$'e misse# yo &4 he %hispers& an# his teeth gra)e my =a%. My heart soars. 2I$'e misse# yo & too. /h& 3hristian.4 I fist one han# in his hair an# !l t!hhis sho l#er %ith the other. His lips mo'e to my throat& lea'ing ten#er "isses in their %a"e& an# his fin<gers follo%& #eftly n#oing ea!h b tton of my blo se. ( gging my blo se apart& 487. 488+55,he "isses the soft s%ell of my breasts. He m rm rs appre!iati'ely& lo% in histhroat& an# the so n# e!hoes thro gh my bo#y to my #eep #ar" pla!es. 25o r bo#y$s !hanging&4 he %hispers. His th mb teases my nipple ntil it$sere!t an# straining against my bra. 2I li"e&4 he a##s. I %at!h his tong e taste an#tra!e the line bet%een my bra an# my breast& tantali)ing an# teasing me. (a"ingmy bra ! p #eli!ately bet%een his teeth& he p lls it #o%n& freeing my breast an#n ))ling my nipple %ith his nose in the pro!ess. It p !"ers at his to !h an# fromthe !hill of the gentle fall bree)e. His lips !lose aro n# me& an# he s !"s long an#har#. 2Ah!4 I groan& inhaling sharply then %in!ing as pain ra#iates o t%ar# frommy br ise# ribs. 2Ana!4 3hristian e9!laims an# glares #o%n at me& !on!ern et!he# on hisfa!e. 2(his is %hat I$m tal"ing abo t&4 he a#monishes. 25o r la!" of self<preser<'ation. I #on$t %ant to h rt yo .4 21o . . . #on$t stop&4 I %himper. He stares at me& %arring %ith himself.26lease.4 2Here.4 Abr ptly he mo'es& an# I$m sitting astri#e him& my short s"irt no%b n!he# p aro n# my hips. His han#s gli#e o'er the top of my thigh<highs. 2(here. (hat$s better& an# I !an en=oy the 'ie%.4 He rea!hes p an# hoo"s hislong in#e9 finger into my other bra ! p& freeing that breast& too. He grasps both ofmy breasts& an# I thro% my hea# ba!"& p shing them into his %el!ome& e9perthan#s. He teases me& t gging an# rolling my nipples ntil I !ry o t& then sits p so%e$re nose to nose& his gree#y gray eyes on mine. He "isses me& his fingers stillteasing me. I s!ramble for his shirt& n#oing the first t%o b ttons& an# it$s li"esensory o'erloa#;I %ant to be "issing him e'ery%here& n#ressing him& ma"inglo'e %ith him all at on!e. 2Hey;4 He gently grasps my hea# an# p lls ba!"& eyes #ar" an# f ll of sen<

s al promise. 2(here$s no r sh. (a"e it slo%. I %ant to sa'or yo .4 23hristian& it$s been so long.4 I$m panting. 2Slo%&4 he %hispers& an# it$s a !omman#. He "isses the right !orner of mymo th. 2Slo%.4 He "isses the left !orner. 2Slo%& baby.4 He t gs my bottom lip%ith his teeth. 2@et$s ta"e this slo%.4 He nf rls his fingers in my hair& "eepingme in pla!e as his tong e in'a#es my mo th& see"ing& tasting& !alming . . . inflam<ing. /h& my man !an "iss. 48:. 500+55, I !aress his fa!e& my fingers mo'ing tentati'ely #o%n to his !hin then to histhroat& an# I start again on the b ttons of his shirt& ta"ing my time& as he !ontin esto "iss me. Slo%ly I p ll his shirt apart& my fingers trailing o'er his !la'i!les& feel<ing their %ay a!ross his %arm& sil"y s"in. I p sh him gently ba!" ntil he$s lyingbeneath me. Sitting p& I ga)e #o%n at him& a%are that I$m sB irming against hisgro%ing ere!tion. Hmm. I tra!e my fingers a!ross his lips to his =a% then #o%n hisne!"& o'er his A#am$s apple to that little #ip at the base of his throat. My bea tif lman. I lean #o%n& an# my "isses follo% the tips of my fingers. My teeth gra)e his=a% an# "iss his throat. He !loses his eyes. 2Ah.4 He groans an# tilts his hea# ba!"& gi'ing me easier a!!ess to the baseof his throat& his mo th sla!" an# open in silent 'eneration. 3hristian lost an#aro se# is = st so e9hilarating . . . an# so aro sing to me. My tong e trails #o%n his stern m& t%irling thro gh his !hest hair. Hmm. Hetastes so goo#. He smells so goo#. Into9i!ating. I "iss first one& then t%o of hissmall ro n# s!ars& an# he grasps my hips& so my fingers halt on his !hest as I ga)e#o%n at him. His breathing is harsh. 25o %ant this. Here.4 he breathes& his eyes hoo#e# %ith a hea#y !ombina<tion of lo'e an# l st. 25es&4 I m rm r& an# my lips an# tong e gra)e a!ross his !hest to his nipple.I p ll an# roll it gently %ith my teeth. 2/h& Ana&4 he %hispers an# !ir!ling my %aist he lifts me& t gging at his b t<ton an# fly so he springs free. He sits me #o%n again& an# I p sh against him& #e<lighting in the feel of him hot an# har# beneath me. He r ns his han#s p mythighs& pa sing %here my thigh< highs stop an# my flesh begins& his han#s r nningsmall teasing !ir!les at the top of my thighs so that the tips of his th mbs to !hme . . . to !h me %here I %ant to be to !he#. I gasp. 2I hope yo $re not atta!he# to yo r n#er%ear&4 he m rm rs& his eyes %il#an# bright. His fingers tra!e the elasti! along my belly then sli#e insi#e& teasingme& before grabbing my panties tightly an# p shing his th mbs thro gh the #eli!<ate material. My panties #isintegrate. His han#s splay o t on my thighs& an# histh mbs br sh against my se9 on!e more. He fle9es his hips so his ere!tion r bsagainst me. 2I !an feel ho% %et yo are.4 His 'oi!e is tinge# %ith !arnal appre!iation&an# he s ##enly sits p& his arm aro n# my %aist again& so %e$re nose to nose. Her bs his nose against mine. 48*. 50,+55, 2-e$re going to ta"e this slo%& Mrs. 0rey. I %ant to feel all of yo .4 He liftsme& an# %ith e9B isite& fr strating& slo% ease& lo%ers me onto him. I feel ea!hblesse# in!h of him fill me. 2Ah;4 I moan in!oherently as I rea!h o t to !lasp his arms. I try to lift my<self off him for some %el!ome fri!tion& b t he hol#s me in pla!e. 2All of me&4 he %hispers an# tilts his pel'is& p shing himself into me all the%ay. I thro% my hea# ba!" an# let o t

a strangle# !ry of p re pleas re. 2@et me hear yo &4 he m rm rs. 21o;#on$t mo'e& = st feel.4 I open my eyes& my mo th fro)en in a silent Ah! An# he$s ga)ing at me&hoo#e#& li!entio s gray eyes into #a)e# bl e. He shifts& rolling his hips& b t hol#sme in pla!e. I groan. His lips are at my throat& "issing me. 2(his is my fa'orite pla!e. > rie# in yo &4 he m rm rs against my s"in. 26lease& mo'e&4 I plea#. 2Slo%& Mrs. 0rey.4 He fle9es his hips again an# pleas re ra#iates thro ghme. I ! p his fa!e an# "iss him& !ons ming him. 2@o'e me. 6lease& 3hristian.4 His teeth s"im my =a% p to my ear. 20o&4 he %hispers& an# he lifts me pan# #o%n. My inner go##ess is nleashe#& an# I p sh him #o%n on the gro n#an# start to mo'e& sa'oring the feeling of him insi#e me . . . ri#ing him . . . ri#inghim har#. -ith his han#s aro n# my %aist he mat!hes my rhythm. I ha'e misse#this . . . the hea#y feeling of him beneath me& insi#e me . . . the s n on my ba!"&the s%eet smell of fall in the air& the gentle a t mnal bree)e. It$s a hea#y f sion ofsensesL to !h& taste& smell& an# the sight of my belo'e# h sban# beneath me. 2/h& Ana.4 He groans& eyes !lose#& hea# ba!"& mo th open. Ah . . . I lo'e this. An# insi#e& I$m b il#ing . . . b il#ing . . . !limbing . . .higher. 3hristian$s han#s mo'e to my thighs& an# #eli!ately his th mbs press attheir ape9& an# I e9plo#e aro n# him o'er an# o'er an# o'er an# o'er& an# I !ol<lapse& spra%le# on his !hest as he !ries o t in t rn& letting go an# !alling o t myname %ith lo'e an# =oy.He ! ##les me against his !hest& !ra#ling my hea#. Hmm. 3losing my eyes& I sa<'or the feel of his arms aro n# me. My han# is on his !hest& feeling the stea#y 488. 50A+55,beat of his heart as it slo%s an# !alms. I "iss an# n ))le him& an# mar'el brieflythat not long ago he %o l# not ha'e let me #o this. 2>etter.4 he %hispers. I raise my hea#. He$s grinning broa#ly. 2M !h. 5o .4 My ans%ering grin refle!ts his. 2I$'e misse# yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 He$s serio s for a moment. 2Me& too.4 21o more heroi!s& eh.4 21o&4 I promise. 25o sho l# al%ays tal" to me&4 he %hispers. 2>a!" at yo & 0rey.4 He smir"s. 2Fair point %ell ma#e. I$ll try.4 He "isses my hair. 2I thin" %e$re going to be happy here&4 I %hisper& !losing my eyes again. 25ep. 5o & me an# . . . >lip. Ho% #o yo feel& in!i#entally.4 2Fine. Rela9e#. Happy.4 20oo#.4 25o .4 25eah& all those things&4 he m rm rs. I loo" p at him& trying to ga ge his e9pression. 2-hat.4 he as"s. 25o "no%& yo $re 'ery bossy %hen %e ha'e se9.4 2Are yo !omplaining.4 21o. I$m = st %on#ering . . . yo sai# yo misse# it.4 He stills& ga)ing at me. 2Sometimes&4 he %hispers. /h. 2-ell& %e$ll ha'e to see %hat %e !an #o abo t that&4 I m rm r an# "isshim lightly on his lips& ! rling aro n# him li"e a 'ine. Images of s together& inthe playroomH the (allis& the table& on the !ross& sha!"le# to the be# . . . I lo'e his"in"y f !"ery;o r "in"y f !"ery. 5es. I !an #o that st ff. I !an #o that for him&%ith him. I !an #o that for me. My s"in tingles as I remember the ri#ing !rop. 2I li"e to play& too&4 I m rm r& an# glan!ing p& I$m treate# to his shy smile. 25o "no%& I$# really li"e to test yo r limits&4 he %hispers. 2My limits for %hat.4 26leas re.4 2/h& I thin" I$# li"e that.4 My inner go##ess #rops into a #ea# faint. 2-ell& maybe %hen %e get home&4 he %hispers& lea'ing that promise hangingbet%een s.

500. 50E+55, I n ))le him on!e more. I lo'e him so.It$s been t%o #ays sin!e o r pi!ni!. (%o #ays sin!e the promise of %ell& maybe%hen %e get home %as ma#e. 3hristian is still treating me li"e I$m ma#e of glass.He still %on$t let me go to %or"& so I ha'e been %or"ing from home. I p t thesta!" of B ery letters I$'e been rea#ing asi#e on my #es" an# sigh. 3hristian an# Iha'en$t been ba!" in the playroom sin!e I safe %or#e#. An# he$s sai# he misses it.-ell& so #o I . . . espe!ially no% that he %ants to e9plore my limits. I fl sh& thin"<ing %hat that !o l# possibly entail. I glan!e at the billiar# table . . . 5es I !an$t%ait to e9plore those. My tho ghts are interr pte# by soft& lyri!al m si! that fills the apartment.3hristian is playing the pianoH not one of his s al laments b t a s%eet melo#y& ahopef l melo#y;one that I re!ogni)e& b t ha'e ne'er hear# him play. I tiptoe to the ar!h%ay of the great room an# %at!h 3hristian at the piano. It$s# s". (he s"y is an op lent pin"& an# the light is refle!te# off his b rnishe# !op<per hair. He loo"s his bea tif l breathta"ing self& !on!entrating as he plays& n<a%are of my presen!e. He$s been so forth!oming o'er the last fe% #ays& so attent<i'e;offering small insights into his #ay& his tho ghts& his plans. It$s as if he$sbrea!he# a #am an# starte# tal"ing. I "no% he$ll !ome to !he!" on me in a fe% min tes& an# it gi'es me an i#ea.E9!ite#& I steal a%ay& hoping that he still hasn$t noti!e# me& an# ra!e to o r room&stripping off my !lothes as I go& ntil I$m %earing nothing b t pale bl e la!epanties. I fin# a pale bl e !amisole an# slip into it B i!"ly. It %ill hi#e my br ise.Di'ing into the !loset& I p ll o t 3hristian$s fa#e# =eans;his playroom =eans& myfa'orite =eans;from the #ra%er. From my be#si#e table I pi!" p my >la!">erry& 50,. 504+55,fol# the =eans neatly& an# "neel by the be#room #oor. (he #oor is a=ar& an# I !anhear the strains of another pie!e& one I #on$t "no%. > t it$s another hopef l t neHit$s lo'ely. O i!"ly I type an email.FromL Anastasia 0reyS b=e!tL My H sban#$s 6leas reDateL September A,& A0,, A0L45(oL 3hristian 0reySirI a%ait yo r instr !tions.5o rs al%aysMrs. 0 9 I press sen#. A fe% moments later the m si! stops abr ptly. My heart l r!hes an# startspo n#ing. I %ait an# %ait an# e'ent ally my >la!">erry b ))es.FromL 3hristian 0reyS b=e!tL My H sban#$s 6leas re Q<<< lo'e this title babyDateL September A,& A0,, A0L4*(oL Anastasia 0reyMrs. 0I$m intrig e#. I$ll !ome fin# yo .>e rea#y.3hristian 0reyAnti!ipati'e 3E/& 0rey Enterprises Hol#ings In!. 50A. 505+55, >e rea#y! My heart starts to po n# an# I begin to !o nt. (hirty< se'ense!on#s later the #oor opens. I$m loo"ing #o%n at his bare feet as they pa se onthe threshol#. Hmm. He says nothing. For ages he says nothing. /h shit. I resistthe rge to loo" p at him an# "eep my eyes #o%n!ast. Finally& he rea!hes #o%n an# pi!"s p his =eans. He stays silent b t hea#s in<to the %al"<in !loset %hile I remain sto!"<still. /h my . . . this is it. My heart isth n#ering& an# I relish the r sh of a#renaline that spi"es thro gh my bo#y. IsB irm as my e9!itement b il#s. -hat %ill he #o to me. A fe% moments laterhe$s ba!"& %earing the =eans. 2So yo %ant to play.4 he m rm rs. 25es.4 He says nothing& an# I ris" a B i!" glan!e . . . p his =eans& his #enim !la#thighs& the soft b lge at his fly& the open b tton at the %aist& his happy

trail& hisna'el& his !hisele# ab#omen& his !hest hair& his gray eyes bla)ing& an# his hea#!o!"e# to one si#e. He$s ar!hing an eyebro%. /h shit. 25es %hat.4 he %hispers. /h. 25es& Sir.4 His eyes soften. 20oo# girl&4 he m rm rs& an# he !aresses my hea#. 2I thin"%e$# better get yo pstairs no%&4 he a##s. My insi#es liB efy& an# my belly!len!hes in that #eli!io s %ay. He ta"es my han# an# I follo% him thro gh the apartment an# p the stairs./ tsi#e the playroom #oor& he halts an# ben#s an# "isses me gently before grasp<ing my hair har#. 25o "no%& yo $re topping from the bottom&4 he m rm rs against my lips. 2-hat.4 I #on$t n#erstan# %hat he$s tal"ing abo t. 2Don$t %orry. I$ll li'e %ith it&4 he %hispers& am se#& an# he r ns his nosealong my =a% an# gently bites my ear. 2/n!e insi#e& "neel& li"e I$'e sho%n yo .4 25es . . . Sir.4 He ga)es #o%n at me& eyes shining %ith lo'e& %on#er& an# %i!"e# tho ghts. Dee) . . . @ife is ne'er going to be boring %ith 3hristian& an# I$m in this forthe long ha l. I lo'e this manL my h sban#& my lo'er& father of my !hil#& mysometimes Dominant . . . my Fifty Sha#es. 50E. (he >ig Ho se& May A0,4I lie on o r tartan pi!ni! blan"et an# ga)e p at the !lear& bl e& s mmer s"y& my'ie% frame# by mea#o% flo%ers an# tall green grasses. (he heat of the afternoons mmer s n %arms my s"in& my bones an# my belly& an# I rela9& my bo#y t rningto Dell</. (his is !omfortable. Hell no . . . this is %on#erf l. I sa'or the moment& amoment of pea!e& a moment of p re an# tter !ontentment. I sho l# feel g ilty for 504. 50:+55,feeling this =oy& this !ompleteness& b t I #on$t. @ife right here right no% is goo#&an# I$'e learne# to appre!iate it an# li'e in the moment li"e my h sban#. I smilean# sB irm as my min# #rifts to the #eli!io s memory of last night at o r home inEs!ala . . .(he stran#s of the flogger s"im a!ross my s%ollen belly at an a!hing& lang oro spa!e. 2Ha'e yo ha# eno gh yet& Ana.4 3hristian %hispers in my ear. 2/h& please.4 I beg& p lling on the restraints abo'e my hea# as I stan# blin#<fol#e# an# tethere# to the gri# in the playroom. (he flogger$s s%eet sting bites into my behin#. 26lease %hat.4 I gasp. 26lease& Sir.4 3hristian pla!es his han# o'er my ringing s"in an# r bs gently. 2(here. (here. (here.4 His %or#s are soft. His han# mo'es so th an# aro n#&an# his fingers sli#e insi#e me. I groan. 2Mrs. 0rey&4 he breathes& an# his teeth p ll on my earlobe. 25o $re sorea#y.4 His fingers sli#e in an# o t of me& hitting that spot& that s%eet& s%eet spotagain. (he flogger !latters onto the floor an# his han# mo'es o'er my belly an# p to my breasts. I tense. (hey are sensiti'e. 2H sh&4 3hristian says& ! pping one& an# he gently br shes his th mb o'ermy nipple. 2Ah.4 505. 50*+55, His fingers are gentle an# enti!ing& an# pleas re spirals o t from my breast&#o%n& #o%n . . . #eep #o%n. I tilt my hea# ba!"& p shing my nipple into his palm&an# moan on!e more. 2I li"e to hear yo &4 3hristian %hispers. His ere!tion is at my hip& the b ttonsof his fly pressing into my flesh as his fingers !ontin e their relentless assa ltL in&o t& in& o t;"eeping a rhythm. 2Shall I ma"e yo !ome li"e this.4 he as"s. 21o.4 His fingers stop mo'ing insi#e me. 2Really& Mrs. 0rey. Is it p to yo .4 His fingers tighten aro n# my nipple. 21o . . . 1o& Sir.4 2(hat$s better.4 2Ah. 6lease&4 I beg.

2-hat #o yo %ant& Anastasia.4 25o . Al%ays.4 He inhales sharply. 2All of yo &4 I a##& breathless. He eases his fingers o t of me& p lls me aro n# to fa!e him& an# remo'es theblin#fol#. I blin" p into #ar"ening gray eyes that b rn into mine. His in#e9 fin<gers tra!e my bottom lip& an# he p shes his in#e9 an# mi##le fingers into mymo th& letting me taste the salty tang of my aro sal. 2S !"&4 he %hispers. I s%irl my tong e aro n# an# bet%een his fingers. Hmm . . . e'en I taste goo# on his fingers. His han#s s"im p my arms to the ! ffs abo'e my hea#& an# he n!lips them&freeing me. ( rning me aro n# so I$m fa!ing the %all& he t gs on my brai#&p lling me into his arms. He angles my hea# to one si#e an# s"ims his lips p mythroat to my ear %hile hol#ing me fl sh against him. 2I %ant in yo r mo th.4 His 'oi!e is soft an# se# !ti'e. My bo#y& ripe an#rea#y& !len!hes #eep insi#e. (he pleas re is s%eet an# sharp. I moan. ( rning to fa!e him& I p ll his hea# #o%n to mine an# "iss him har#&my tong e in'a#ing his mo th& tasting an# sa'oring him. He groans& pla!es hishan#s on my behin# an# t gs me against him& b t only my pregnant belly to !heshim. I bite his =a% an# trail "isses #o%n his throat an# r n my fingers #o%n to his=eans. He tilts his hea# ba!"& e9posing more of his throat to me& an# I r n mytong e #o%n to his !hest an# thro gh his !hest hair. 2Ah.4 507. 508+55, I t g the %aistban# of his =eans& the b ttons popping& an# he grasps mysho l#ers as I sin" to my "nees in front of him. As I ga)e p at him thro gh my lashes& he stares #o%n at me. His eyes are#ar"& his lips parte#& an# he inhales #eeply %hen I free him an# ensnare him %ithmy mo th. I lo'e #oing this to 3hristian. -at!hing him !ome apart& hearing hisbreath hit!h& an# the soft moans he ma"es #eep in his throat. I !lose my eyes an#s !" har#& pressing #o%n on him& relishing his taste an# his breathless gasp. He grasps my hea#& stilling me& an# I sheath my teeth %ith my lips an# p shhim #eeper into my mo th. 2/pen yo r eyes an# loo" at me&4 he or#ers& his 'oi!e lo%. >la)ing eyes meet mine an# he fle9es his hips& filling my mo th to the ba!"of my throat then %ith#ra%ing B i!"ly. He p shes into me again an# I rea!h p tograb him. He stops an# hol#s me in pla!e. 2Don$t to !h or I$ll ! ff yo again. I = st %ant yo r mo th&4 he gro%ls. /h my. @i"e that is it. I p t my han#s behin# my ba!" an# ga)e p at him in<no!ently %ith my mo th f ll. 20oo# girl&4 he says& smir"ing #o%n at me& his 'oi!e hoarse. He eases ba!"&an# hol#ing me gently b t firmly& he p shes into me again. 25o ha'e s !h af !"able mo th& Mrs. 0rey.4 He !loses his eyes an# eases into my mo th as IsB ee)e him bet%een my lips& r nning my tong e o'er an# aro n# him. I ta"e him#eeper an# %ith#ra%& again an# again an# again& the air hissing bet%een his teeth. 2Ah! Stop&4 he says& an# he p lls o t of me& lea'ing me %anting more. Hegrasps my sho l#ers an# p lls me to my feet. 0rabbing my brai#& he "isses mehar#& his persistent tong e gree#y an# gi'ing at on!e. S ##enly he releases me&an# before I "no% it& he$s lifte# me into his arms an# mo'e# o'er to the fo r<poster. 0ently& he lays me #o%n so that my behin# is = st on the e#ge of the be#. 2-rap yo r legs aro n# my %aist&4 he or#ers. I #o an# p ll him to%ar# me.He leans #o%n& han#s either si#e of my hea#& an# still stan#ing& 'ery slo%ly easeshimself into me. /h& that feels so goo#. I !lose my eyes an# re'el in his slo% possession. 2/"ay.4

he as"s& his !on!ern e'i#ent in his tone. 2/h& 0o#& 3hristian. 5es. 5es. 6lease.4 I tighten my legs aro n# him an#p sh against him. He groans. I !lasp his arms& an# he fle9es his hips slo%ly atfirst& in& o t. 23hristian& please. Har#er;I %on$t brea".4 50:. 5,0+55, He groans an# starts to mo'e& really mo'e& po n#ing into me again an#again. /h& it$s hea'enly. 25es&4 I gasp& tightening my hol# on him as I start to b il# . . . He moans&grin#ing into me %ith rene%e# #etermination . . . an# I$m !lose. /h& please. Don$tstop. 23ome on& Ana&4 he groans thro gh gritte# teeth& an# I e9plo#e aro n# him&my orgasm going on an# on an# on. I !all o t his name an# 3hristian stills& groan<ing lo #ly& as he !lima9es insi#e me. 2Ana&4 he !ries.3hristian lies besi#e me& his han# !aressing my belly& his long fingers splaye# o t%i#e. 2Ho%$s my #a ghter.4 2She$s #an!ing.4 I la gh. 2Dan!ing. /h yes! -o%. I !an feel her.4 He grins as >lip (%o somersa ltsinsi#e me. 2I thin" she li"es se9 alrea#y.4 3hristian fro%ns. 2Really.4 he says #ryly. He mo'es so his lips are againstmy b mp. 2(here$ll be none of that ntil yo $re thirty& yo ng la#y.4 I giggle. 2/h& 3hristian& yo are s !h a hypo!rite.4 21o& I$m an an9io s father.4 He ga)es p at me& his bro% f rro%e#& betrayinghis an9iety. 25o $re a %on#erf l father& as I "ne% yo %o l# be.4 I !aress his lo'elyfa!e& an# he gi'es me his shy smile. 2I li"e this&4 he m rm rs& stro"ing then "issing my belly. 2(here$s more ofyo .4 I po t. 2I #on$t li"e more of me.4 2It$s great %hen yo !ome.4 23hristian!4 2An# I$m loo"ing for%ar# to the taste of breast mil" again.4 23hristian! 5o are s !h a "in"y;4 50*. 5,,+55, He s%oops on me s ##enly& "issing me har#& thro%ing his leg o'er mine& an#grabbing my han#s so they are abo'e my hea#. 25o lo'e the "in"y f !"ery&4 he%hispers& an# he r ns his nose #o%n mine. I grin& !a ght in his infe!tio s& %i!"e# smile. 25es& I lo'e the "in"y f !"ery.An# I lo'e yo . Cery m !h.4I =er" a%a"e& %o"en by a high<pit!he# sB eal of #elight from my son& an# e'entho gh I !an$t see him or 3hristian& I grin li"e an i#iot %ith my glee. (e# has%o"en from his nap& an# he an# 3hristian are romping nearby. I lie B ietly& stillmar'eling at 3hristian$s !apa!ity for play. His patien!e %ith (e##y is e9traor#in<ary;m !h more so than %ith me. I snort. > t then& that$s ho% it sho l# be. An#my bea tif l little boy& the apple of his mother an# father$s eyes& "no%s no fear.3hristian& on the other han#& is still too o'erprote!ti'e;of both of s. My s%eet&mer! rial& !ontrolling Fifty. 2@et$s fin# Mommy. She$s here in the mea#o% some%here.4 (e# says something I #on$t hear& an# 3hristian la ghs freely& happily. It$s amagi!al so n#& fille# %ith his paternal =oy. I !an$t resist. I str ggle p onto my el<bo%s to spy on them from my hi#ing pla!e in the long grass. 3hristian is s%inging (e# aro n# an# aro n#& ma"ing him sB eal on!e morein #elight. He stops& la n!hes him high into the air;I stop breathing;then he!at!hes him. (e# shrie"s %ith !hil#ish aban#on an# I breathe a sigh of relief. /hmy little man& my #arling little man& al%ays on the go. 2 Z0ain& Da##y!4 he sB eals. 3hristian obliges& an# my heart leaps into mymo th on!e more as he tosses (e##y into the air then !at!hes him again& !l t!hinghim !lose. 3hristian "isses (e#$s !opper<!olore# hair& an# blo%s a "iss on his

508. 5,A+55,!hee"& then ti!"les him mer!ilessly for a moment. (e##y ho%ls %ith la ghter&sB irming an# p shing against 3hristian$s !hest& %anting o t of his arms. 0rin<ning& 3hristian sets him on the gro n#. 2@et$s fin# Mommy. She$s hi#ing in the grass.4 (e# beams& en=oying the game& an# loo"s aro n# the mea#o%. 0rasping3hristian$s han#& he points to some%here I$m not& an# it ma"es me giggle. I lieba!" #o%n B i!"ly& #elighting in this game. 2(e#& I hear# Mommy. Di# yo hear her.4 2Mommy!4 I giggle<snort at (e#$s imperio s tone. Dee);so li"e his #a#& an# he$s onlyt%o. 2(e##y!4 I !all ba!"& ga)ing p the s"y %ith a ri#i! lo s grin on my fa!e. 2Mommy!4 All too soon I hear their footsteps trampling thro gh the mea#o%& an# first(e# then 3hristian b rsts thro gh the long grass. 2Mommy!4 (e# s!ree!hes as if he$s fo n# the lost treas re of the SierraMa#re& an# he leaps onto me. 2Hey& baby boy!4 I !ra#le him against me an# "iss his !h bby !hee". Hegiggles an# "isses me in ret rn& then str ggles o t of my arms. 2Hello& Mommy.4 3hristian smiles #o%n at me. 2Hello& Da##y.4 I grin& an# he pi!"s (e# p& an# sits #o%n besi#e me %itho r son in his lap. 20ently %ith Mommy&4 he a#monishes (e#. I smir";the irony is not lost onme. From his po!"et& 3hristian pro# !es his >la!">erry an# gi'es it to (e#. (his%ill probably %in s fi'e min tes of pea!e& ma9im m. (e##y st #ies it& his littlebro% f rro%e#. He loo"s so serio s& bl e eyes !on!entrating har#& = st li"e his#a##y #oes %hen he rea#s his e<mails. 3hristian n ))les (e#$s hair& an# my hearts%ells to loo" at them both. (%o peas in a po#L my son sitting B ietly;for a fe%moments at least;in my h sban#$s lap. My t%o fa'orite men in the %hole %orl#. /f !o rse& (e# is the most bea tif l an# talente# !hil# on the planet& b t thenI am his mother so I %o l# thin" that. An# 3hristian is . . . %ell& 3hristian is = sthimself. In %hite (<shirt an# =eans& he loo"s as hot as s al. -hat #i# I #o to %ins !h a pri)e. 25o loo" %ell& Mrs. 0rey.4 2As #o yo & Mr. 0rey.4 5,0. 5,E+55, 2Isn$t Mommy pretty.4 3hristian %hispers in (e#$s ear. (e# s%ats him a%ay&more intereste# in Da##y$s >la!">erry. I giggle. 25o !an$t get aro n# him.4 2I "no%.4 3hristian grins an# "isses (e#$s hair. 2I !an$t belie'e he$ll be t%otomorro%.4 His tone is %istf l. Rea!hing a!ross& he sprea#s his han# o'er myb mp. 2@et$s ha'e lots of !hil#ren&4 he says. 2/ne more at least.4 I grin& an# he !aresses my belly. 2Ho% is my #a ghter.4 2She$s goo#. Asleep& I thin".4 2Hello& Mr. 0rey. Hi& Ana.4 -e both t rn to see Sophie& (aylor$s ten<year<ol# #a ghter& appear o t of thelong grass. 2Soeee&4 (e# sB eals %ith #elighte# re!ognition. He str ggles o t of 3hristi< an$s lap& #is!ar#ing the >la!">erry. 2I ha'e some popsi!les from 0ail&4 Sophie says. 23an I gi'e one to (e#.4 2S re&4 I say. /h #ear& this is going to be messy. 26op!4 (e# hol#s o t his han#s an# Sophie passes one to him. It$s #rippingalrea#y. 2Here;let Mommy see.4 I sit p& ta"e the popsi!le from (e#& an# B i!"lyslip it into my mo th& li!"ing off the e9!ess = i!e. Hmm . . . !ranberry& !ool an##eli!io s. 2Mine!4 (e# protests& his 'oi!e ringing %ith in#ignation. 2Here yo go.4 I han# him ba!" a slightly less r nny popsi!le& an# it goesstraight into his mo th. He grins. 23an (e# an# I go for a %al".4 Sophie as"s. 2S re.4 2Don$t go too far.4 21o& Mr. 0rey.4 Sophie$s ha)el eyes are %i#e an# serio s. I thin" she$s alittle frightene# of 3hristian. She hol#s

her han# o t& an# (e##y ta"es it %illingly.(hey tr #ge a%ay together thro gh the long grass. 3hristian %at!hes them. 2(hey$ll be fine& 3hristian. -hat harm !o l# !ome to them here.4 He fro%nsat me momentarily& an# I !ra%l o'er an# into his lap. 2>esi#es& (e# is !ompletely smitten %ith Sophie.4 3hristian snorts an# n ))les my hair. 2She$s a #elightf l !hil#.4 5,,. 5,4+55, 2She is. So pretty& too. A blon#e angel.4 3hristian stills an# pla!es his han#s on my belly. 20irls& eh.4 (here$s a hintof trepi#ation in his 'oi!e. I ! rl my han# behin# his hea#. 25o #on$t ha'e to %orry abo t yo r #a ghter for at least another threemonths. I ha'e her !o'ere# here. /"ay.4 He "isses me behin# my ear an# s!rapes his teeth aro n# the e#ge to the lobe. 2-hate'er yo say& Mrs. 0rey.4 (hen he bites me. I yelp. 2I en=oye# last night&4 he says. 2-e sho l# #o that more often.4 2Me& too.4 2An# %e !o l#& if yo stoppe# %or"ing . . .4 I roll my eyes an# he tightens his arms aro n# me an# grins into my ne!". 2Are yo rolling yo r eyes at me Mrs. 0rey.4 His threat is impli!it b t sens <al& ma"ing me sB irm& b t as %e$re in the mi##le of the mea#o% %ith the "i#snearby& I ignore his in'itation. 20rey 6 blishing has an a thor on the 1e% 5or" (imes >est Sellers;>oy!eFo9$s sales are phenomenal& the e<boo" si#e of o r b siness has e9plo#e#& an# Ifinally ha'e the team I %ant aro n# me.4 2An# yo $re ma"ing money in these #iffi! lt times&4 3hristian a##s& his'oi!e refle!ting his pri#e. 2> t . . . I li"e yo barefoot an# pregnant an# in my"it!hen.4 I lean ba!" so I !an see his fa!e. He ga)es #o%n at me& eyes bright. 2I li"e that& too&4 I m rm r& an# he "isses me& his han#s still sprea# a!ross myb mp. Seeing he$s in a goo# moo#& I #e!i#e to broa!h a #eli!ate s b=e!t. 2Ha'e yo tho ght any more abo t my s ggestion.4 He stills. 2Ana& the ans%er is no.4 2> t Ella is s !h a lo'ely name.4 2I am not naming my #a ghter after my mother. 1o. En# of #is! ssion.4 2Are yo s re.4 25es.4 0rasping my !hin& he ga)es earnestly #o%n at me& ra#iating e9aspera<tion. 2Ana& gi'e it p. I #on$t %ant my #a ghter tainte# by my past.4 2/"ay. I$m sorry.4 Shit . . . I #on$t %ant to anger him. 2(hat$s better. Stop trying to fi9 it&4 he m tters. 25o got me to a#mit I lo'e#her& yo #ragge# me to her gra'e. Eno gh.4 /h no. I t%ist in his lap to stra##le him an# grasp his hea# in my han#s. 5,A. 5,5+55, 2I$m sorry. Really. Don$t be angry %ith me& please.4 I "iss him& then "iss the!orner of his mo th. After a beat& he points to the other !orner& an# I smile an#"iss it. He points to his nose. I "iss that. He grins an# pla!es his han#s on myba!"si#e. 2/h& Mrs. 0rey;%hat am I going to #o %ith yo .4 2I$m s re yo $ll thin" of something&4 I m rm r. He grins an#& t%isting s #<#enly& he p shes me #o%n onto the blan"et. 2Ho% abo t I #o it no%.4 he %hispers %ith a sala!io s smile. 23hristian!4 I gasp. S ##enly there$s a high< pit!he# !ry from (e#. 3hristian leaps to his feet %itha panther$s easy gra!e an# ra!es to%ar# the so r!e of the so n#. I follo% at amore leis rely pa!e. Se!retly& I$m not as !on!erne# as 3hristian;it %as not a !rythat %o l# ma"e me ta"e the stairs t%o at a time to fin# o t %hat$s %rong. 3hristian s%ings (e##y p into his arms. / r little boy is !rying in!onsolablyan# pointing to the gro n#& %here the remains of his popsi!le lie in a soggy mess&melting into the grass. 2He #roppe# it&4 Sophie says& sa#ly. 2He !o l# ha'e ha# mine&

b t I$'e fin<ishe# it.4 2/h& Sophie #arling& #on$t %orry.4 I stro"e her hair. 2Mommy!4 (e# %ails& hol#ing his han#s o t to me. 3hristian rel !tantly letshim go as I rea!h for him. 2(here& there.4 26op&4 he sobs. 2I "no%& baby boy. -e$ll go see Mrs. (aylor an# get another one.4 I "iss hishea# . . . oh& he smells so goo#. He smells of my baby boy. 26op&4 he sniffs. I ta"e his han# an# "iss his sti!"y fingers. 2I !an taste yo r popsi!le here on yo r fingers.4 (e# stops !rying an# e9amines his han#. 26 t yo r fingers in yo r mo th.4 He #oes. 26op!4 25es. 6opsi!le.4 He grins. My mer! rial little boy& = st li"e his #a#. -ell& at least he has ane9! se;he$s only t%o. 5,E. 5,7+55, 2Shall %e go see Mrs. (aylor.4 He no#s& smiling his bea tif l baby smile.2-ill yo let Da##y !arry yo .4 He sha"es his hea# an# %raps his arms aro n#my ne!"& h gging me tightly& his fa!e presse# against my throat. 2I thin" Da##y %ants to taste popsi!le& too&4 I %hisper in (e#$s little ear. (e#fro%ns at me& then loo"s at his han# an# hol#s it o t to 3hristian. 3hristian smilesan# p ts (e#$s fingers in his mo th. 2Hmm . . . tasty.4 (e# giggles an# rea!hes p& %anting 3hristian to hol# him. 3hristian grins atme an# ta"es (e# in his arms& settling him on his hip. 2Sophie& %here$s 0ail.4 2She %as in the big ho se.4 I glan!e at 3hristian. His smile has t rne# bitters%eet& an# I %on#er %hathe$s thin"ing. 25o $re so goo# %ith him&4 he m rm rs. 2(his little one.4 I r ffle (e#$s hair. 2It$s only be!a se I ha'e the meas re ofyo 0rey men.4 I smir" at my h sban#. He la ghs. 25es& yo #o& Mrs. 0rey.4 (e##y sB irms o t of 3hristian$s hol#. 1o% he %ants to %al"& my st bbornlittle man. I ta"e one of his han#s& an# his #a# ta"es the other& an# together %es%ing (e##y bet%een s all the %ay ba!" to the ho se& Sophie s"ipping along infront of s. I %a'e to (aylor %ho& on a rare #ay<off& is o tsi#e the garage& #resse# in=eans an# a %ife<beater& as he tin"ers %ith an ol# motorbi"e. 5,4. 5,:+55,I pa se o tsi#e the #oor to (e#$s room an# listen as 3hristian rea#s to (e#. 2I amthe @ora9! I spea" for the trees . . .4,-hen I pee" in& (e##y is fast asleep %hile 3hristian !ontin es to rea#. He glan!es p %hen I open the #oor an# !loses the boo". He p ts his finger to his lips an#s%it!hes on the baby monitor besi#e (e#$s !rib. He a#= sts (e#$s be#!lothes&stro"es his !hee"& then straightens p& an# tiptoes o'er to me %itho t ma"ing aso n#. It$s har# not to giggle at him. / t in the hall%ay& 3hristian p lls me into his embra!e. 20o#& I lo'e him& b tit$s great %hen he$s asleep&4 he m rm rs against my lips. 2I !o l#n$t agree %ith yo more.4 He ga)es #o%n at me& eyes soft. 2I !an har#ly belie'e he$s been %ith s fort%o years.4 2I "no%.4 I "iss him& an# for a moment& I$m transporte# ba!" to (e##y$sbirthL the emergen!y !aesarian& 3hristian$s !rippling an9iety& Dr. 0reene$s no< nonsense !alm %hen my @ittle >lip %as in #istress. I sh ##er in%ar#ly at thememory.2Mrs. 0rey& yo $'e been in labor for fifteen ho rs no%. 5o r !ontra!tions ha'eslo%e# in spite of the 6ito!in. -e nee# to #o a 3<se!tion; the baby is in #istress.4Dr. 0reene is a#amant. 2Abo t f !"ing time!4 3hristian gro%ls at her. Dr. 0reene ignores him.

5,5. 5,*+55, 23hristian& B iet.4 I sB ee)e his han#. My 'oi!e is lo% an# %ea" an#e'erything is f ))y;the %alls& the ma!hines& the green<go%ne# people . . . I = st%ant to go to sleep. > t I ha'e something important to #o first . . . /h yes. 2I%ante# to p sh him o t myself.4 2Mrs. 0rey& please. 3< se!tion.4 26lease& Ana&4 3hristian plea#s. 23an I sleep then.4 25es& baby& yes.4 It$s almost a sob& an# 3hristian "isses my forehea#. 2I %ant to see the @il$ >lip.4 25o %ill.4 2/"ay&4 I %hisper. 2Finally&4 Dr. 0reene m tters. 21 rse& page the anesthesiologist. Dr. Miller&prep for a 3<se!tion. Mrs. 0rey& %e are going to mo'e yo to the /R.4 2Mo'e.4 3hristian an# I spea" at on!e. 25es. 1o%.4 An# s ##enly %e$re mo'ing;B i!"ly& the lights on the !eiling bl rring intoone long bright strip as I$m %his"e# a!ross the !orri#or. 2Mr. 0rey& yo $ll nee# to !hange into s!r bs.4 2-hat.4 21o%& Mr. 0rey.4 He sB ee)es my han# an# releases me. 23hristian&4 I !all& pani! setting in. -e are thro gh another set of #oors& an# in no time a n rse is setting p as!reen a!ross my !hest. (he #oor opens an# !loses& an# there$s so many people inthe room. It$s so lo # . . . I %ant to go home. 23hristian.4 I sear!h the fa!es in the room for my h sban#. 2He$ll be %ith yo in a moment& Mrs. 0rey.4 A moment later& he$s besi#e me& in bl e s!r bs& an# I rea!h for his han#. 2I$m frightene#&4 I %hisper. 21o& baby& no. I$m here. Don$t be frightene#. 1ot my strong Ana.4 He "issesmy forehea#& an# I !an tell by the tone of his 'oi!e that something$s %rong. 2-hat is it.4 2-hat.4 2-hat$s %rong.4 5,7. 5,8+55, 21othing$s %rong. E'erything$s fine. >aby& yo $re = st e9ha ste#.4 His eyesb rn %ith fear. 2Mrs. 0rey& the anesthesiologist is here. He$s going to a#= st yo r epi# ral&an# then %e !an pro!ee#.4 2She$s ha'ing another !ontra!tion.4 E'erything tightens li"e a steel ban# aro n# my belly. Shit! I !r sh 3hristi<an$s han# as I ri#e it o t. (his is %hat$s tiring; en# ring this pain. I am so tire#. I!an feel the n mbing liB i# sprea# . . . sprea# #o%n. I !on!entrate on 3hristian$sfa!e. /n the f rro% bet%een his bro%s. He$s tense. He$s %orrie#. -hy is he%orrie#. 23an yo feel this& Mrs. 0rey.4 Dr. 0reene$s #isembo#ie# 'oi!e is !omingfrom behin# the ! rtain. 2Feel %hat.4 25o !an$t feel it.4 21o.4 20oo#. Dr. Miller& let$s go.4 25o $re #oing %ell& Ana.4 3hristian is pale. (here is s%eat on his bro%. He$s s!are#. Don$t be s!are#&3hristian. Don$t be s!are#. 2I lo'e yo &4 I %hisper. 2/h& Ana&4 he sobs. 2I lo'e yo & too& so m !h.4 I feel a strange p lling #eep insi#e. @i"e nothing I$'e felt before. 3hristianloo"s o'er the s!reen an# blan!hes& b t stares& fas!inate#. 2-hat$s happening.4 2S !tion! 0oo# . . .4 S ##enly& there$s a pier!ing angry !ry. 25o ha'e a boy& Mrs. 0rey. 3he!" his Apgar.4 2Apgar is nine.4 23an I see him.4 I gasp. 3hristian #isappears from 'ie% for a se!on# an# reappears a moment later&hol#ing my son& s%athe# in bl e. His fa!e is pin"& an# !o'ere# in %hite m sh an#bloo#. My baby. My >lip . . . (heo#ore Raymon# 0rey. -hen I glan!e at 3hristian& he has tears in his eyes. 2Here$s yo r son& Mrs. 0rey&4 he %hispers& his 'oi!e straine# an# hoarse. 2/ r son&4 I breathe. 2He$s bea tif l.4 5,:. 5A0+55, 2He is&4 3hristian says an# plants a "iss on o r bea tif l boy$s forehea# be<neath a sho!" of #ar" hair. (heo#ore Raymon# 0rey is obli'io s.

Eyes !lose#& hisearlier !rying forgotten& he$s asleep. He is the most bea tif l sight I ha'e e'erseen. So bea tif l& I begin to %eep. 2(han" yo & Ana&4 3hristian %hispers& an# there are tears in his eyes too.2-hat is it.4 3hristian tilts my !hin ba!". 2I %as = st remembering (e#$s birth.4 3hristian blan!hes an# ! ps my belly. 2I am not going thro gh that again. Ele!ti'e !aesarian this time.4 23hristian& I;4 21o& Ana. 5o nearly f !"ing #ie# last time. 1o.4 2I #i# not nearly #ie.4 21o.4 He$s emphati! an# not to be arg e# %ith& b t as he ga)es #o%n at me&his eyes soften. 2I li"e the name 6hoebe&4 he %hispers& an# r ns his nose #o%nmine. 26hoebe 0rey. 6hoebe . . . 5es. I li"e that& too.4 I grin p at him. 20oo#. I %ant to set p (e#$s present.4 He ta"es my han#& an# %e hea##o%nstairs. His e9!itement ra#iates off himH 3hristian has been %aiting for thismoment all #ay.2Do yo thin" he$ll li"e it.4 His apprehensi'e ga)e meets mine. 2He$ll lo'e it. For abo t t%o min tes. 3hristian& he$s only t%o.4 5,*. 5A,+55, 3hristian has finishe# setting p the %oo#en train set he bo ght (e##y for hisbirth#ay. He$s ha# >arney at the offi!e !on'ert t%o of the little engines to r n onsolar po%er li"e the heli!opter I ga'e 3hristian a fe% years ago. 3hristian seemsan9io s for the s n to rise. I s spe!t that$s be!a se he %ants to play %ith the trainset himself. (he layo t !o'ers most of the stone floor of o r o t#oor room. (omorro% %e %ill ha'e a family party for (e#. Ray an# DosG %ill be !omingan# all the 0rey$s& in!l #ing (e#$s ne% !o sin A'a& Fate an# Elliot$s t%o<month<ol# #a ghter. I loo" for%ar# to !at!hing p %ith Fate an# seeing ho% motherhoo#is agreeing %ith her. I ga)e p at the 'ie% as the s n sin"s behin# the /lympi! 6enins la. It$se'erything 3hristian promise# it %o l# be& an# I get the same =oyf l thrill seeingit no% as I #i# the first time. It$s simply st nningL t%ilight o'er the So n#. 3hris<tian p lls me into his arms. 2It$s B ite a 'ie%.4 2It is&4 3hristian ans%ers& an# %hen I t rn to loo" at him& he$s ga)ing at me.He plants a soft "iss on my lips. 2It$s a bea tif l 'ie%&4 he m rm rs. 2Myfa'orite.4 2It$s home.4 He grins an# "isses me again. 2I lo'e yo & Mrs. 0rey.4 2I lo'e yo & too& 3hristian. Al%ays.4 (he En#, Dr. Se ss. (he @ora9. 1e% 5or"L Ran#om Ho se& ,8:,. 5,8. I am a%are that to#ay yo !annot %al" into an Ameri!an ban" an# %ith#ra% fi'emillion #ollars. (he !on'ersation Ana #i# not hear %ent li"e thisL 2(roy -helan.4 2It$s 3hristian 0rey. I$'e spo"en to my %ife. 0i'e her the money. -hate'er she %ants.4 2Mr. 0rey& I !an$t . . .4 2@iB i#ate fi'e million of my assets. /ff the top of my hea#L 0e< orges& 6F3& Atlantis 3orps& Ferris an# ?mati!. A million from ea!h.4 5A0. 5AE+55, 2Mr. 0rey& this is highly irreg lar. I$ll ha'e to !ons lt %ith Mr.Forlines.4 2I$m playing golf %ith him ne9t %ee"&4 I hiss. 2D st f !"ing #o it&-helan. Fin# a %ay& or I$ll !lose all the a!!o nts an# mo'e 0EH$s b si< ness else%here. ?n#erstan#.4 He$s silent on the en# of the phone. 2-e$ll sort the f !"ing paper%or" o t later&4 I a##& more!on!iliatory. 25es& Mr. 0rey.4

5A,. My s%eater is s!rat!hy an# smells of ne%. E'erything is ne%. I ha'e a ne%mommy. She is a #o!tor. She has a tets!ope that I !an sti!" in my ears an# hearmy heart. She is "in# an# smiles. She smiles all the time. Her teeth are small an#%hite. 2Do yo %ant to help me #e!orate the tree& 3hristian.4 (here is a big tree in the room %ith the big !o !hes. A big tree. I ha'e seenthese before. > t in stores. 1ot insi#e %here the !o !hes are. My ne% ho se haslots of !o !hes. 1ot one !o !h. 1ot one bro%n sti!"y !o !h. 2Here& loo".4 5AA. 5A5+55, My ne% mommy sho%s me a bo9& an# it$s f ll of balls. @ots of pretty shinyballs. 2(hese are ornaments for the tree.4 /rn<a<ments. /rn<a< ments. My hea# says the %or#. /rn<a<ments. 2An# these;4 she stops an# p lls o t a string %ith little flo%ers on them.2(hese are the lights. @ights first& an# then %e !an trim the tree.4 She rea!hes#o%n an# p ts her fingers in my hair. I go 'ery still. > t I li"e her fingers in myhair. I li"e to be near 1e% Mommy. She smells goo#. 3lean. An# she onlyto !hes my hair. 2Mom!4 He$s !alling. @elliot. He$s big an# lo #. Cery lo #. He tal"s. All the time. I#on$t tal" at all. I ha'e no %or#s. I ha'e %or#s in my hea#. 2Elliot& #arling& %e$re in the sitting room.4 He r ns in. He has been to s!hool. He has a pi!t re. A pi!t re he has #ra%nfor my ne% mommy. She is @elliot$s mommy& too. She "neels #o%n an# h gs himan# loo"s at the pi!t re. It is a ho se %ith a mommy an# a #a##y an# a @elliot an#a 3hristian. 3hristian is 'ery small in @elliot$s pi!t re. @elliot is big. He has a bigsmile an# 3hristian has a sa# fa!e. Da##y is here& too. He %al"s to%ar# Mommy. I hol# my blan"ie tight. He"isses 1e% Mommy an# 1e% Mommy isn$t frightene#. She smiles. She "isseshim ba!". I sB ee)e my blan"ie. 2Hello& 3hristian.4 Da##y has a #eep soft 'oi!e. I li"e his 'oi!e. He is ne'erlo #. He #oes not sho t. He #oes not sho t li"e . . . He rea#s boo"s to me %hen Igo to be#. He rea#s abo t a !at an# a hat an# green eggs an# ham. I ha'e ne'erseen green eggs. Da##y ben#s #o%n so he is small. 2-hat #i# yo #o to#ay.4 I sho% him the tree. 25o bo ght a tree. A 3hristmas tree.4 I say yes %ith my hea#. 2It$s a bea tif l tree. 5o an# Mommy !hose 'ery %ell. It$s an important =ob!hoosing the right tree.4 He pats my hair& too& an# I go 'ery still an# hol# my blan"ie tightly. Da##y#oesn$t h rt me. 5AE. 5A7+55, 2Da##y& loo" at my pi!t re.4 @elliot is ma# %hen Da##y tal"s to me. @elliotis ma# at me. I sma!" @elliot %hen he is ma# at me. 1e% Mommy is ma# at me ifI #o. @elliot #oes not sma!" me. @elliot is s!are# of me.(he lights on the tree are pretty. 2Here& let me sho% yo . (he hoo" goes thro gh the little eye& an# then yo !an hang it on the tree.4 Mommy p ts the re# orn<a . . . orn<a<ment on the tree. 25o try %ith this little bell.4 (he little bell rings. I sha"e it. (he so n# is a happy so n#. I sha"e it again.Mommy smiles. A big smile. A spe!ial smile for me. 25o li"e the bell& 3hristian.4 I say yes %ith my hea# an# sha"e the bell on!e more& an# it tin"les happily. 25o ha'e a lo'ely smile& #arling boy.4 Mommy blin"s an# %ipes her han#on her eyes. She stro"es my hair. 2I lo'e to see yo r smile.4 Her han# mo'es tomy sho l#er. 1o. I step ba!" an# sB ee)e my blan"ie. Mommy loo"s sa# an# thenhappy. She stro"es my hair. 2Shall %e p t the bell on the tree.4

My hea# says yes.23hristian& yo m st tell me %hen yo $re h ngry. 5o !an #o that. 5o !an ta"eMommy$s han# an# lea# Mommy to the "it!hen an# point.4 She points her longfinger at me. Her nail is shiny an# pin". It is pretty. > t I #on$t "no% if my ne%mommy is ma# or not. I ha'e finishe# all my #inner. Ma!aroni an# !heese. Ittastes goo#. 2I #on$t %ant yo to be h ngry& #arling. /"ay. 1o% %o l# yo li"e some i!e!ream.4 My hea# says yes! Mommy smiles at me. I li"e her smiles. (hey are betterthan ma!aroni an# !heese. 5A4. 5A:+55,(he tree is pretty. I stan# an# loo" at it an# h g my blan"ie. (he lights t%in"lean# are all #ifferent !olors& an# the orn<a<ments are all #ifferent !olors. I li"e thebl e ones. An# on the top of the tree is a big star. Da##y hel# @elliot p& an# @el<liot p t the star on the tree. @elliot li"es p tting the star on the tree. I %ant to p tthe star on the tree . . . b t I #on$t %ant Da##y to hol# me p high. I #on$t %anthim to hol# me. (he star is spar"ly an# bright. >esi#e the tree is the piano. My ne% mommy lets me to !h the bla!" an# the%hite on the piano. >la!" an# %hite. I li"e the %hite so n#s. (he bla!" so n# is%rong. > t I li"e the bla!" so n#& too. I go %hite to bla!". -hite to bla!". >la!"to %hite. -hite& %hite& %hite& %hite. >la!"& bla!"& bla!"& bla!". I li"e the so n#. Ili"e the so n# a lot. 2Do yo %ant me to play for yo & 3hristian.4 My ne% mommy sits #o%n. She to !hes the %hite an# the bla!"& an# thesongs !ome. She presses the pe#als n#erneath. Sometimes it$s lo # an# some<times it$s B iet. (he song is happy. @elliot li"es Mommy to sing& too. Mommysings abo t an gly # !"ling. Mommy ma"es a f nny B a!"ing noise. @elliotma"es the f nny B a!"ing noise& an# he ma"es his arms li"e %ings an# flaps them p an# #o%n li"e a bir#. @elliot is f nny. Mommy la ghs. @elliot la ghs. I la gh. 25o li"e this song& 3hristian.4 An# Mommy has her sa#<happy fa!e.I ha'e a sto!"<ing. It is re# an# it has a pi!t re of a man %ith a re# hat an# a big%hite bear#. He is Santa. Santa brings presents. I ha'e seen pi!t res of Santa. > tSanta ne'er bro ght me presents before. I %as ba#. Santa #oesn$t bring presents toboys %ho are ba#. 1o% I am goo#. My ne% mommy says I am goo#& 'ery goo#.1e% Mommy #oesn$t "no%. I m st ne'er tell 1e% Mommy . . . b t I am ba#. I#on$t %ant 1e% Mommy to "no% that.Da##y hangs the sto!"<ing o'er the firepla!e. @elliot has a sto!"ing& too. @elliot!an rea# the %or# on his sto!"<ing. It says @elliot. (here is a %or# on my sto!"<ing. 3hristian. 1e% Mommy spells it o t. 3<H<R<I<S<(<I<A<1. 5A5. 5A*+55,Da##y sits on my be#. He rea#s to me. I hol# my blan"ie. I ha'e a big room. So<metimes the room is #ar" an# I ha'e ba# #reams. >a# #reams abo t before. Myne% mommy !omes to be# %ith me %hen I ha'e the ba# #reams. She lies #o%nan# she sings soft songs an# I go to sleep. She smells of soft an# ne% an# lo'ely.My ne% mommy is not !ol#. 1ot li"e . . . not li"e . . . An# my ba# #reams go%hen she is there asleep %ith me.Santa has been here. Santa #oes not "no% I ha'e been ba#. I am gla# Santa #oesnot "no%. I ha'e a train an# a plane an# a heli!opter an# a !ar an# a heli!opter.My heli!opter !an fly. My heli!opter is bl e. It flies aro n# the 3hristmas tree. Itflies o'er the piano an# lan#s in the mi##le of the %hite. It flies o'er

Mommy an#flies o'er Da##y an# flies o'er @elliot as he plays %ith the @ego. (he heli!opterflies thro gh the ho se& thro gh the #ining room& thro gh the "it!hen. He fliespast the #oor to Da##y$s st #y an# pstairs in my be#room& in @elliot$s be#room&Mommy an# Da##y$s be#room. He flies thro gh the ho se& be!a se it$s myho se. My ho se %here I li'e. 5A7. Mon#ay& May 8& A0,,2(omorro%&4 I m tter& #ismissing 3la #e >astille as he stan#s on the threshol# ofmy offi!e. 20olf& this %ee"& 0rey.4 >astille grins %ith easy arrogan!e& "no%ing that his'i!tory on the golf !o rse is ass re#. 5A:. 5E0+55, I s!o%l after him as he t rns an# lea'es. His parting %or#s r b salt into my%o n#s be!a se #espite my heroi! attempts in the gym this morning& my personaltrainer has "i!"e# my ass. >astille is the only one %ho !an beat me& an# no% he%ants another po n# of flesh on the golf !o rse. I #etest golf& b t so m !h b si<ness is #one on the fair%ays I ha'e to en# re his lessons there too . . . an# tho ghI hate to a#mit it& >astille #oes go some %ay to impro'ing my game. As I stare o t at the Seattle s"yline& the familiar enn i seeps into my !on<s!io sness. My moo# is as flat an# gray as the %eather. My #ays are blen#ing to<gether %ith no #istin!tion& an# I nee# some "in# of #i'ersion. I$'e %or"e# all%ee"en# an# no%& in the !ontin e# !onfines of my offi!e& I$m restless. I sho l#n$tfeel this %ay& not after se'eral bo ts %ith >astille. > t I #o. I fro%n. (he sobering tr th is that the only thing to !apt re my interest re<!ently has been my #e!ision to sen# t%o freighters of !argo to S #an. (his re<min#s me;Ros is s ppose# to !ome ba!" to me %ith n mbers an# logisti!s.-hat the hell is "eeping her. Intent on fin#ing o t %hat she$s playing at& I glan!eat my s!he# le an# rea!h for the phone. /h& 3hrist! I ha'e to en# re an inter'ie% %ith the persistent Miss Fa'anaghfor the -S? st #ent maga)ine. -hy the f !" #i# I agree to this. I loathe inter<'ie%s;inane B estions from inane& ill<informe#& 'a! o s i#iots. (he phoneb ))es. 25es&4 I snap at An#rea as if she$s to blame. At least I !an "eep this inter'ie%short. 2Miss Anastasia Steele is here to see yo & Mr. 0rey.4 2Steele. I %as e9pe!ting Fatherine Fa'anagh.4 2It$s Miss Anastasia Steele %ho$s here& sir.4 I s!o%l. I hate the ne9pe!te#. 2Sho% her in&4 I m tter& a%are that I so n#li"e a s l"y teen b t not gi'ing a f !". -ell& %ell . . . Miss Fa'anagh is na'ailable. I "no% her father& the o%ner ofFa'anagh Me#ia. -e$'e #one b siness together& an# he seems li"e a shre%# op<erator an# a rational h man being. (his inter'ie% is a fa'or to him;one that Imean to !ash in later %hen it s its me. An# I ha'e to a#mit I %as 'ag ely ! rio sabo t his #a ghter& intereste# to see if the apple ha# fallen far from the tree. A !ommotion at the #oor brings me to my feet as a %hirl of long !hestn thair& pale limbs& an# bro%n boots #i'es hea# first into my offi!e. I roll my eyesan# repress my nat ral annoyan!e at s !h !l msiness as I h rry o'er to the girl 5A*. 5E,+55,%ho has lan#e# on her han#s an# "nees on the floor. 3lasping her slim sho l#ers&I help her to her feet. 3lear& bright<bl e& embarrasse# eyes meet mine an# halt me in my tra!"s.(hey are the most e9traor#inary !olor;

g ileless& po%#er<bl e;an# for one a%<f l moment& I thin" she !an see right thro gh me. I feel . . . e9pose#. (he tho ghtis nner'ing. She has a small& s%eet fa!e that is bl shing no%& an inno!ent palerose. I %on#er briefly if all her s"in is li"e that;fla%less;an# %hat it %o l#loo" li"e pin" an# %arme# from the bite of a !ane. F !". I stop my %ay%ar#tho ghts& alarme# at their #ire!tion. -hat the f !" are yo thin"ing& 0rey. (hisgirl is m !h too yo ng. She gapes at me& an# I almost roll my eyes again. 5eah&yeah& baby& it$s = st a fa!e& an# the bea ty is only s"in<#eep. I %ant to #ispel that ng ar#e#& a#miring loo" from those big bl e eyes. Sho%time& 0rey. @et$s ha'e some f n. 2Miss Fa'anagh. I$m 3hristian 0rey.Are yo all right. -o l# yo li"e to sit.4 (here$s that bl sh again. In !omman# on!e more& I st #y her. She$s B ite at<tra!ti'e& in a ga !he %ay;slight& pale& %ith a mane of mahogany hair barely !on<taine# by a hair tie. A br nette. 5eah& she$s attra!ti'e. I e9ten# my han#& an# shest tters the beginning of a mortifie# apology an# pla!es her small han# in mine.Her s"in is !ool an# soft& b t her han#sha"e s rprisingly firm. 2Miss Fa'anagh is in#ispose#& so she sent me. I hope yo #on$t min#& Mr.0rey.4 Her 'oi!e is B iet %ith a hesitant m si!ality& an# she blin"s errati!ally&long lashes fl ttering o'er those big bl e eyes. ?nable to "eep the am sement from my 'oi!e as I re!all her less<than<elegantentran!e into my offi!e& I as" %ho she is. 2Anastasia Steele. I$m st #ying English @iterat re %ith Fate& m . . . Father<ine . . . m . . . Miss Fa'anagh at -ashington State.4 A ner'o s& bashf l& boo"ish type& eh. She loo"s itH hi#eo sly #resse#& hi#ingher slight frame beneath a shapeless s%eater an# an A<line bro%n s"irt. 3hrist&#oes she ha'e no #ress sense at all. She loo"s ner'o sly aro n# my of<fi!e;e'ery%here b t at me& I note %ith am se# irony. Ho% !an this yo ng %oman be a =o rnalist. She #oesn$t ha'e an asserti'ebone in her bo#y. She$s all !harmingly fl stere#& mee"& mil# . . . s bmissi'e. Isha"e my hea#& bem se# at %here my inappropriate tho ghts are going. M tteringsome platit #e& I as" her to sit& then noti!e her #is!erning ga)e appraising my 5A8. 5EA+55,offi!e paintings. >efore I !an stop myself& I fin# I$m e9plaining them. 2A lo!alartist. (ro ton.4 2(hey$re lo'ely. Raising the or#inary to e9traor#inary&4 she says #reamily&lost in the e9B isite& fine artistry of my paintings. Her profile is #eli!ate;an p<t rne# nose& soft& f ll lips;an# in her %or#s she has mirrore# my sentiments e9<a!tly. 2(he or#inary raise# to e9traor#inary.4 It$s a "een obser'ation. MissSteele is bright. I m tter my agreement an# %at!h that fl sh !reep slo%ly o'er her s"in on!emore. As I sit #o%n opposite her& I try to bri#le my tho ghts. She fishes a !r mple# sheet of paper an# a mini<#is! re!or#er o t of hero'erly large bag. Mini<#is! re!or#er. Di#n$t those go o t %ith CHS tapes.3hrist;she$s all th mbs& #ropping the #amne# thing t%i!e on my >a ha s !offeetable. She$s ob'io sly ne'er #one this before& b t for some reason I !an$t fathom&I fin# it am sing. 1ormally this "in# of f mbling mala#roitness irritates the f !"o t of me& b t no% I hi#e my smile beneath my in#e9 finger an# resist the rge toset it p for her myself. As she gro%s more an# more fl stere#& it o!! rs to me that I !o l# refine hermotor s"ills %ith the ai# of a ri#ing !rop. A#eptly se# it !an bring e'en the mosts"ittish to heel. (he errant tho ght ma"es me shift in my

!hair. She pee"s p atme an# bites #o%n on her f ll bottom lip. F !" me! Ho% #i# I not noti!e thatmo th before. 2Sorry& I$m not se# to this.4 I !an tell& baby;my tho ght is ironi!;b t right no% I #on$t gi'e a f !"& be<!a se I !an$t ta"e my eyes off yo r mo th. 2(a"e all the time yo nee#& Miss Steele.4 I nee# yet another moment to mar<shal my %ay%ar# tho ghts. 0rey . . . stop this& no%. 2Do yo min# if I re!or# yo r ans%ers.4 she as"s& her fa!e !an#i# an#e9pe!tant. I %ant to la gh. /h& than" 3hrist. 2After yo $'e ta"en so m !h tro ble to set p the re!or#er& yo as" meno%.4 She blin"s& her eyes large an# lost for a moment& an# I feel an nfamiliart%inge of g ilt. Stop being s !h a shit& 0rey. 21o& I #on$t min#&4 I m tter& not %anting to be responsible for that loo". 2Di# Fate;I mean Miss Fa'anagh;e9plain %hat the inter'ie% %as for.4 5E0. 5EE+55, 25es& to appear in the gra# ation iss e of the st #ent ne%spaper as I shall be!onferring the #egrees at this year$s gra# ation !eremony.4 -hy the f !" I$'eagree# to #o that& I #on$t "no%. Sam in 6R tells me it$s an honor& an# the en'iron<mental s!ien!e #epartment in Can!o 'er nee#s the p bli!ity in or#er to attra!t a#<#itional f n#ing to mat!h the grant I$'e gi'en them. Miss Steele blin"s& all big bl e eyes on!e more& as if my %or#s are a s rprisean# f !";she loo"s #isappro'ing! Hasn$t she #one any ba!"gro n# %or" for thisinter'ie%. She sho l# "no% this. (he tho ght !ools my bloo#. It$s . . . #ispleas<ing& not %hat I e9pe!t from her or anyone I gi'e my time to. 20oo#. I ha'e some B estions& Mr. 0rey.4 She t !"s a lo!" of hair behin# herear& #istra!ting me from my annoyan!e. 2I tho ght yo might&4 I m tter #ryly. @et$s ma"e her sB irm. /bligingly shesB irms& then p lls herself together& sitting p straight an# sB aring her smallsho l#ers. @eaning for%ar# she presses the start b tton on the mini<#is!& an#fro%ns as she glan!es #o%n at her !r mple# notes. 25o $re 'ery yo ng to ha'e amasse# s !h an empire. (o %hat #o yo o%eyo r s !!ess.4 /h 3hrist! S rely she !an #o better than this. -hat a f !"ing # ll B estion.1ot one iota of originality. It$s #isappointing. I trot o t my s al response abo tha'ing e9!eptional people in the ?.S. %or"ing for me. 6eople I tr st& insofar as Itr st anyone& an# pay %ell;blah& blah& blah . . . > t Miss Steele& the simple fa!tis& I$m a f !"ing geni s at %hat I #o. For me it$s li"e falling off a log. > ying ail<ing& mismanage# !ompanies an# fi9ing them& or if they$re really bro"en& strippingtheir assets an# selling them off to the highest bi##er. It$s simply a B estion of"no%ing the #ifferen!e bet%een the t%o& an# in'ariably it !omes #o%n to thepeople in !harge. (o s !!ee# in b siness yo nee# goo# people& an# I !an = #ge aperson& better than most. 2Maybe yo $re = st l !"y&4 she says B ietly. @ !"y. A frisson of annoyan!e r ns thro gh me. @ !"y. 1o f !"ing l !" in<'ol'e# here& Miss Steele. She loo"s nass ming an# B iet& b t this B estion. 1oone has e'er as"e# me if I %as l !"y. Har# %or"& bringing people %ith me& "eep<ing a !lose %at!h on them& se!on#<g essing them if I nee# toH an# if they aren$t pto the tas"& r thlessly #it!hing them. (hat$s %hat I #o& an# I #o it %ell. It$s noth<ing to #o %ith l !"! -ell& f !" that. Fla nting my er #ition& I B ote the %or#s ofmy fa'orite Ameri!an in# strialist to her.

5E,. 5E4+55, 25o so n# li"e a !ontrol frea"&4 she says& an# she$s perfe!tly serio s. -hat the f !". Maybe those g ileless eyes !an see tho gh me. 3ontrol is my mi##le name. I glare at her. 2/h& I e9er!ise !ontrol in all things& Miss Steele.4 An# I$# li"eto e9er!ise it o'er yo & right here& right no%. Her eyes %i#en. (hat attra!ti'e bl sh steals a!ross her fa!e on!e more& an#she bites that lip again. I ramble on& trying to #istra!t myself from her mo th. 2>esi#es& immense po%er is a!B ire# by ass ring yo rself& in yo r se!ret re'<eries& that yo %ere born to !ontrol things.4 2Do yo feel that yo ha'e immense po%er.4 she as"s in a soft soothing'oi!e& b t she ar!hes her #eli!ate bro%& re'ealing the !ens re in her eyes. My an<noyan!e gro%s. Is she #eliberately trying to goa# me. Is it her B estions& her atti<t #e& or the fa!t that I fin# her attra!ti'e that$s pissing me off. 2I employ o'er forty tho san# people& Miss Steele. (hat gi'es me a !ertainsense of responsibility;po%er& if yo %ill. If I %ere to #e!i#e I %as no longer in<tereste# in the tele!omm ni!ations b siness an# sell p& t%enty tho san# people%o l# str ggle to ma"e their mortgage payments after a month or so.4 Her mo th pops open at my response. (hat$s more li"e it. S !" it p& MissSteele. I feel my eB ilibri m ret rning. 2Don$t yo ha'e a boar# to ans%er to.4 2I o%n my !ompany. I #on$t ans%er to a boar#&4 I respon# sharply. Shesho l# "no% this. I raise a B estioning bro%. 2An# #o yo ha'e any interests o tsi#e of yo r %or".4 she !ontin es hastily&!orre!tly ga ging my rea!tion. She "no%s I$m pisse#& an# for some ine9pli!ablereason this pleases me enormo sly. 2I ha'e 'arie# interests& Miss Steele. Cery 'arie#.4 I smile. Images of her inassorte# positions in my playroom flash thro gh my min#L sha!"le# on the !ross&sprea#<eagle on the fo r<poster& splaye# o'er the %hipping ben!h. F !"ing hell!-here is this !oming from. An# behol#;there$s that bl sh again. It$s li"e a #e<fense me!hanism. 3alm #o%n& 0rey. 2> t if yo %or" so har#& %hat #o yo #o to !hill o t.4 23hill o t.4 I grin& those %or#s o t of her smart mo th so n# o##. >esi#es%hen #o I get time to !hill o t. Has she no i#ea of the n mber of !ompanies I!ontrol. > t she loo"s at me %ith those ingen o s bl e eyes& an# to my s rprise Ifin# myself !onsi#ering her B estion. -hat #o I #o to !hill o t. Sailing& flying& 5EA. 5E5+55,f !"ing . . . testing the limits of little bro%n<haire# girls li"e her& an# bringingthem to heel . . . (he tho ght ma"es me shift in my seat& b t I ans%er hersmoothly& omitting my t%o fa'orite hobbies. 25o in'est in man fa!t ring. -hy& spe!ifi!ally.4 Her B estion #rags me r #ely ba!" to the present. 2I li"e to b il# things. I li"e to "no% ho% things %or"& %hat ma"es thingsti!"& ho% to !onstr !t an# #e!onstr !t. An# I ha'e a lo'e of ships. -hat !an Isay.4 (hey #istrib te foo# aro n# the planet;ta"ing goo#s from the ha'es to theha'e<nots an# ba!" again. -hat$s not to li"e. 2(hat so n#s li"e yo r heart tal"ing& rather than logi! an# fa!ts.4 Heart. Me. /h no& baby. My heart %as sa'age# beyon# re!ognition a longtime ago. 26ossibly& tho gh there are people %ho$# say I #on$t ha'e a heart.4 2-hy %o l# they say that.4 2>e!a se they "no% me %ell.4 I gi'e her a %ry smile. In fa!t no one "no%sme that %ell& e9!ept maybe Elena. I %on#er %hat she %o l# ma"e of little MissSteele here. (he girl is a mass of !ontra#i!tionsL shy& neasy& ob'io sly bright&an# aro sing as hell. 5es& o"ay& I a#mit it. She$s an all ring

little pie!e. She re!ites the ne9t B estion by rote. 2-o l# yo r frien#s say yo $re easy to get to "no%.4 2I$m a 'ery pri'ate person& Miss Steele. I go a long %ay to prote!t my pri<'a!y. I #on$t often gi'e inter'ie%s.4 Doing %hat I #o& li'ing the life I$'e !hosen& Inee# my pri'a!y. 2-hy #i# yo agree to #o this one.4 2>e!a se I$m a benefa!tor of the ni'ersity& an# for all intents an# p rposes&I !o l#n$t get Miss Fa'anagh off my ba!". She ba#gere# an# ba#gere# my 6Rpeople& an# I a#mire that "in# of tena!ity.4 > t I$m gla# it$s yo %ho t rne# pan# not her. 25o also in'est in farming te!hnologies. -hy are yo intereste# in thisarea.4 2-e !an$t eat money& Miss Steele& an# there are too many people on thisplanet %ho #on$t ha'e eno gh to eat.4 I stare at her& po"er<fa!e#. 2(hat so n#s 'ery philanthropi!. Is that something yo feel passionatelyabo t. Fee#ing the %orl#$s poor.4 She regar#s me %ith a B i))i!al e9pression asif I$m some "in# of !on n#r m for her to sol'e& b t there is no %ay I %ant those 5EE. 5E7+55,big bl e eyes seeing into my #ar" so l. (his is not an area open to #is! ssion.E'er. 2It$s shre%# b siness.4 I shr g& feigning bore#om& an# I imagine f !"ing hersmart mo th to #istra!t myself from all tho ghts of h nger. 5es& that mo th nee#straining. 1o% that tho ght is appealing& an# I let myself imagine her on her "neesbefore me. 2Do yo ha'e a philosophy. If so& %hat is it.4 she re!ites by rote again. 2I #on$t ha'e a philosophy as s !h. Maybe a g i#ing prin!iple& 3arnegie$s ZAman %ho a!B ires the ability to ta"e f ll possession of his o%n min# may ta"epossession of anything else to %hi!h he is = stly entitle#.$ I$m 'ery sing lar& #ri'<en. I li"e !ontrol . . . of myself an# those aro n# me.4 2So yo %ant to possess things.4 Her eyes %i#en. 5es& baby. 5o & for one. 2I %ant to #eser'e to possess them& b t yes& bottom line& I #o.4 25o so n# li"e the ltimate !ons mer.4 Her 'oi!e is tinge# %ith #isappro'<al& pissing me off again. She so n#s li"e a ri!h "i# %ho$s ha# all she e'er %ante#&b t as I ta"e a !loser loo" at her !lothes; she$s #resse# in -almart& or /l# 1a'ypossibly;I "no% that isn$t it. She hasn$t gro%n p in an affl ent ho sehol#. I !o l# really ta"e !are of yo . Shit& %here the f !" #i# that !ome from. Altho gh& no% that I !onsi#er it& I#o nee# a ne% s b. It$s been& %hat;t%o months sin!e S sannah. An# here I am&sali'ating o'er this bro%n<haire# girl. I try a smile an# agree %ith her. 1othing%rong %ith !ons mption;after all& it #ri'es %hat$s left of the Ameri!ane!onomy. 25o %ere a#opte#. Ho% far #o yo thin" that$s shape# the %ay yo are.4 -hat the f !" #oes this ha'e to #o %ith the pri!e of oil. I s!o%l at her. -hata ri#i! lo s B estion. If I$# staye# %ith the !ra!" %hore& I$# probably be #ea#. Iblo% her off %ith a non<ans%er& trying to "eep my 'oi!e le'el& b t she p shes me&#eman#ing to "no% my ho% ol# I %as %hen I %as a#opte#. Sh t her #o%n& 0rey! 2(hat$s a matter of p bli! re!or#& Miss Steele.4 My 'oi!e is ar!ti!. Shesho l# "no% this shit. 1o% she loo"s !ontrite. 0oo#. 25o $'e ha# to sa!rifi!e a family life for yo r %or".4 2(hat$s not a B estion&4 I snap. She bl shes again an# bites #o%n on that #amne# lip. > t she has the gra!eto apologi)e. 5E4. 5E:+55, 2Ha'e yo ha# to sa!rifi!e a family life for yo r %or".4 -hat #o I %ant %ith a f !"ing family. 2I ha'e a family. I ha'e a brother an# a

sister an# t%o lo'ing parents. I$m notintereste# in e9ten#ing my family beyon# that.4 2Are yo gay& Mr. 0rey.4 -hat the f !"! I !annot belie'e she$s sai# that o t lo #! (he nspo"en B es<tion that my o%n family #ares not as"& m !h to my am sement. Ho% #are she! Iha'e to fight #o%n the rge to #rag her o t of her seat& ben# her a!ross my "nee&an# span" the li'ing shit o t of her& then f !" her o'er my #es" %ith her han#stie# tightly behin# her ba!". (hat %o l# ans%er her B estion. Ho% fr strating isthis female. I ta"e a #eep !alming breath. (o my 'in#i!ti'e #elight& she appears tobe a! tely embarrasse# by her o%n B estion. 21o& Anastasia& I$m not.4 I raise my eyebro%s& b t "eep my e9pression im<passi'e. Anastasia. It is a lo'ely name. I li"e the %ay my tong e rolls aro n# it. 2I apologi)e. It$s m . . . %ritten here.4 1er'o sly& she t !"s her hair behin#her ear. She #oesn$t "no% her o%n B estions. 6erhaps they$re not hers. I as" her& an#she pales. F !"& she really is 'ery attra!ti'e& in an n#erstate# sort of %ay. I%o l# e'en go so far as to say she is bea tif l. 2Er . . . no. Fate;Miss Fa'anagh;she !ompile# the B estions.4 2Are yo !olleag es on the st #ent paper.4 21o& she$s my roommate.4 1o %on#er she is all o'er the pla!e. I s!rat!h my !hin& #ebating %hether togi'e her a really& really har# time. 2Di# yo 'ol nteer to #o this inter'ie%.4 I as"& an# I$m re%ar#e# %ith hers bmissi'e loo"L eyes large& ner'o s abo t my rea!tion. I li"e the effe!t I ha'e onher. 2I %as #rafte#. She$s not %ell&4 she says softly. 2(hat e9plains a great #eal.4 (here$s a "no!" at the #oor& an# An#rea appears. 2Mr. 0rey& forgi'e me forinterr pting& b t yo r ne9t meeting is in t%o min tes.4 2-e$re not finishe# here& An#rea. 6lease !an!el my ne9t meeting.4 An#rea hesitates& gaping at me. I stare at her. / t! 1o%! I$m b sy %ith @ittleMiss Steele here. An#rea bl shes s!arlet& b t re!o'ers B i!"ly. 2Cery %ell& Mr. 0rey&4 she says& an# t rning on her heel& she lea'es s. 5E5. 5E*+55, I t rn my attention ba!" to the intrig ing& fr strating !reat re on my !o !h.2-here %ere %e& Miss Steele.4 26lease #on$t let me "eep yo from anything.4 /h no& baby. It$s my t rn no%. I %ant to "no% if there are any se!rets to n<!o'er behin# those bea tif l eyes. 2I %ant to "no% abo t yo . I thin" that$s only fair.4 As I lean ba!" an# pressmy fingers to my lips& her eyes fli!" to my mo th an# she s%allo%s. /h& yes;the s al effe!t. An# it is gratifying to "no% she isn$t !ompletely obli'io s to my!harms. 2(here$s not m !h to "no%&4 she says& her bl sh ret rning. I$m intimi#atingher. 0oo#. 2-hat are yo r plans after yo gra# ate.4 She shr gs. 2I ha'en$t ma#e any plans& Mr. 0rey. I = st nee# to get thro ghmy final e9ams.4 2-e r n an e9!ellent internship program here.4 F !". -hat possesse# me tosay that. I$m brea"ing a gol#en r le;ne'er& e'er f !" the staff. > t 0rey& yo $renot f !"ing this girl. She loo"s s rprise#& an# her teeth sin" into that lip again.-hy is that so aro sing. 2/h. I$ll bear that in min#&4 she m mbles. (hen as an aftertho ght she says&2(ho gh I$m not s re I$# fit in here.4 -hy the hell not. -hat$s %rong %ith my !ompany. 2-hy #o yo say that.4 I as". 2-ell& it$s ob'io s& isn$t it.4 21ot to me.4 I$m !onfo n#e# by her response. She$s fl stere# again as she rea!hes for the mini<#is! re!or#er. Shit& she$s go<ing. Mentally I r n thro gh my s!he# le for that afternoon;there is nothing that%on$t "eep. 2-o l# yo li"e me to sho% yo aro n#.4 2I$m s re

yo $re far too b sy& Mr. 0rey& an# I #o ha'e a long #ri'e.425o $re#ri'ing ba!" to -S? in Can!o 'er.4 I glan!e o t the %in#o%. It$s one hell of a#ri'e& an# it$s raining. Shit. She sho l#n$t be #ri'ing in this %eather& b t I !an$tforbi# her. (he tho ght irritates me. 2-ell& yo $# better #ri'e !aref lly.4 My'oi!e is sterner than I inten#. She f mbles %ith the mini<#is!. She %ants o t of my offi!e& an# for somereason I !an$t e9plain& I #on$t %ant her to go. 5E7. 5E8+55, 2Di# yo get e'erything yo nee#.4 I a## in a transparent effort to prolongher stay. 25es& sir&4 she says B ietly. Her response floors me;the %ay those %or#s so n#& !oming o t of thatsmart mo th;an# briefly I imagine that mo th at my be!" an# !all. 2(han" yo for the inter'ie%& Mr. 0rey.4 2(he pleas re$s been all mine&4 I respon#]tr thf lly& be!a se I ha'en$t beenthis fas!inate# by anyone in a long %hile. (he tho ght is nsettling. She stan#s an# I e9ten# my han#& eager to to !h her. 2?ntil %e meet again& Miss Steele.4 My 'oi!e is lo% as she pla!es her smallhan# in mine. 5es& I %ant to flog an# f !" this girl in my playroom. Ha'e herbo n# an# %anting . . . nee#ing me& tr sting me. I s%allo%. It ain$t going to hap< pen& 0rey. 2Mr. 0rey.4 She no#s an# %ith#ra%s her han# B i!"ly . . . too B i!"ly. Shit& I !an$t let her go li"e this. It$s ob'io s she is #esperate to lea'e. Irrita<tion an# inspiration hit me sim ltaneo sly as I see her o t. 2D st ens ring yo ma"e it thro gh the #oor& Miss Steele.4 She bl shes on ! e& her #eli!io s sha#e of pin". 2(hat$s 'ery !onsi#erate& Mr. 0rey&4 she snaps. Miss Steele has teeth! I grin behin# her as she e9its& an# I follo% in her %a"e.>oth An#rea an# /li'ia loo" p in sho!". 5eah& yeah. I$m = st seeing the girl o t. 2Di# yo ha'e a !oat.4 I as". 25es.4 I s!o%l at simpering /li'ia& %ho imme#iately leaps p to retrie'e a na'y!oat. (a"ing it& I glare at her to sit #o%n. 3hrist& /li'ia is annoying;mooningo'er me all the time. Hmm. (he !oat is from -almart. Miss Anastasia Steele sho l# be better#resse#. I hol# it p for her& an# as I p ll it o'er her slim sho l#ers& I to !h thes"in at the base of her ne!". She stills at the !onta!t an# pales. 5es! She is affe!te#by me. (he "no%le#ge is immensely pleasing. Strolling o'er to the ele'ator& Ipress the !all b tton %hile she stan#s fi#geting besi#e me. /h& I !o l# so stop yo r fi#geting& baby. (he #oors open an# she s! rries in then t rns to fa!e me. 2Anastasia&4 I m rm r& saying goo#<bye. 5E:. 540+55, 23hristian&4 she %hispers. An# the ele'ator #oors !lose& lea'ing my namehanging in the air& so n#ing o##& nfamiliar& b t se9y as hell. -ell& f !" me. -hat %as that. I nee# to "no% more abo t this girl. 2An#rea&4 I snap as I stal" ba!" into myoffi!e. 20et me -el!h on the line& no%.4 As I sit at my #es" an# %ait for the !all& I loo" at the paintings on the %all ofmy offi!e& an# Miss Steele$s %or#s #rift ba!" to me. 2Raising the or#inary to e9<traor#inary.4 She !o l# so easily ha'e been #es!ribing herself. My phone b ))es. 2I ha'e Mr. -el!h on the line for yo .4 26 t him thro gh.4 25es& sir.4 2-el!h& I nee# a ba!"gro n# !he!".4 5E*. Sat r#ay& May ,4& A0,,

5E8. 54A+55, I pore o'er the e9e! ti'e s mmary for the h n#re#th time sin!e I re!ei'e# itt%o #ays ago& loo"ing for some insight into the enigmati! Miss Anastasia RoseSteele. I !annot get the #amne# %oman o t of my min#& an# it$s serio sly begin<ning to piss me off. (his past %ee"& # ring parti! larly # ll meetings& I$'e fo n#myself replaying the inter'ie% in my hea#. Her f mbling fingers on the re!or#er&the %ay she t !"e# her hair behin# her ear& the lip biting. 5es. (he f !"ing lip bit<ing gets me e'ery time. An# no%& here I am& par"e# o tsi#e 3layton$s& the mo#est har#%are store onthe o ts"irts of 6ortlan# %here she %or"s.5o $re a fool& 0rey. -hy are yo here. I "ne% it %o l# lea# to this. All %ee" . . . I "ne% I$# ha'e to see her again.I$# "no%n it sin!e she ttere# my name in the ele'ator an# #isappeare# into the#epths of my b il#ing. I$# trie# to resist. I$# %aite# fi'e #ays& fi'e f !"ing #ays tosee if I$# forget abo t her. An# I #on$t #o %aiting. I hate %aiting . . . for anything.I$'e ne'er a!ti'ely p rs e# a %oman before. (he %omen I$'e ha# n#erstoo# 540. 54E+55,%hat I e9pe!te# of them. My fear no% is that Miss Steele is = st too yo ng an#that she %on$t be intereste# in %hat I ha'e to offer . . . %ill she. -ill she e'enma"e a goo# s bmissi'e. I sha"e my hea#. (here$s only one %ay to fin# o t . . .so here I am& a f !"ing ass& sitting in a s b rban par"ing lot in a #reary part of6ortlan#. Her ba!"gro n# !he!" has pro# !e# nothing remar"able;e9!ept the lastfa!t& %hi!h has been at the forefront of my min#. It$s the reason I$m here. -hy noboyfrien#& Miss Steele. Se9 al orientation n"no%n;perhaps she$s gay. I snort&thin"ing that nli"ely. I re!all the B estion she as"e# # ring the inter'ie%& hera! te embarrassment& the %ay her s"in fl she# a pale rose . . . Shit. I$'e been s f<fering from these l #i!ro s tho ghts sin!e I met her. (hat$s %hy yo $re here. I$m it!hing to see her again;those bl e eyes ha'e ha nte# me& e'en in my#reams. I ha'en$t mentione# her to Flynn& an# I$m gla# be!a se I$m no% beha'<ing li"e a stal"er. 6erhaps I sho l# let him "no%. I roll my eyes;I #on$t %anthim ho n#ing me abo t his latest sol tion<base# shit. I = st nee# a #istra!tion . . .an# right no% the only #istra!tion I %ant is %or"ing as a sales!ler" in a har#%arestore. 5o $'e !ome all this %ay. @et$s see if little Miss Steele is as appealing as yo remember. Sho%time& 0rey. I !limb o t of the !ar an# stroll a!ross the lot to thefront #oor. A bell !himes a flat ele!troni! note as I %al" in. (he store is m !h bigger than it loo"s from the o tsi#e& an# altho gh it is al<most l n!htime the pla!e is B iet& for a Sat r#ay. (here are aisles an# aisles of the s al !rap yo $# e9pe!t. I$# forgotten the possibilities that a har#%are store !o l#present to someone li"e me. I mainly shop online for my nee#s& b t %hile I$mhere& maybe I$ll sto!" p on a fe% items . . . Cel!ro& split rings;5eah. I$ll fin#the #ele!table Miss Steele an# ha'e some f n. It ta"es me all of three se!on#s to spot her. She$s h n!he# o'er the !o nter&staring intently at a !omp ter s!reen an# pi!"ing at her l n!h;a bagel. ?nthin"<ing& she %ipes a !r mb from the !orner of her lips an# into her mo th an# s !"son her finger. My !o!" t%it!hes in response. F !"! -hat am I& fo rteen. My rea!<tion is f !"ing irritating. Maybe this a#oles!ent response %ill stop if I fetter& f !"&an# flog her . . . an# not ne!essarily in that or#er. 5eah. (hat$s %hat I nee#.

54,. 544+55, She is thoro ghly absorbe# in her tas"& an# it gi'es me an opport nity tost #y her. Sala!io s tho ghts asi#e& she is attra!ti'e& serio sly attra!ti'e. I$'e re<membere# her %ell. She glan!es p an# free)es& pinning me %ith intelligent& #is!erning eyes;thebl est of bl e that seem to see right thro gh me. It$s as nner'ing as the first timeI met her. She = st stares& sho! (op of Form