Patricia Carrington - Clearing The Hidden Blocks to Receiving What You Want

Welcome to the Tapping World Summit 2011. This is your host, Jessica Ortner. By listening to this interview you agree to the terms located at www.thetappingworldsummit.com/disclaimer. We hope this interview helps you become a healthier and a happier you. Most of us are here today because we are reaching for more. Maybe you want to attract more abundance or better health or a better relationship. We have a longing for more but what if that longing has come with the inability to receive what it is that we long for. This is an untraditional way of thinking, but what if our inability to receive is whats keeping us stuck? We may feel that we dont deserve a better life or we are afr aid to ask for what we need. To address these challenges well be speaking to Dr. Patricia Carrington from http://masteringeft.com/ . Dr Carrington is a leading psychologist and expert in stress management. She is one of the pioneers in the field of Energy Psychology. She is presently an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at UMD&J, Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey and was formerly on the faculty of Princeton University. Dr. Carrington has created, and is continuing to create highly innovative tapping materials including the commonly used Choices Method which we will be learning about shortly. It is a true honor to have her. Welcome, Pat. Patricia Carrington: Oh, love to be here. I think the Summit is so exciting to participate in, so thanks. Jessica Ortner: Oh, well we are so thrilled to have you. And Pat, todays focus is on the Law of Attraction and clearing the blocks to receiving. Many people may not know what the Law of Attraction is and for those of us who do know it would still be great to hear you describe this law and how it works in our lives. Patricia Carrington: Certainly, I shall do that. Basically its an ancient concept. Its been known for thousands of years in metaphysical traditions throughout the whole world, and its increasingly being accepted by many people today as a universal truth. Essentially, the Law of Attraction refers to the fundamental energies that make up the universe, and all matter is essentially energy. And the law states that like attracts like. Whatever form of energy, positive or negative, that we send out to the universe, it is said to resonate with, and attract, a similar type of energy back to us. And this creates a boomerang-like effect; what we send out comes back to us. And heres whats important about this concept : were actually vibrational beings and we operate on different frequencies at different times. So we would broadcast these frequencies just like radio sending stations. When were excited and happy our vibrational rate is said to be much

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faster and lighter. And when were sad or discouraged its said to be much slower and heavier. Actually we feel these changes in our own energy systems when we feel a difference in mood or were thinking different thoughts. The concept here is that these vibrations of ours are broadcast out and sometimes were broadcasting negative thoughts and painful, worried, or other bad feelings to the universe, and these are said to attract to us outer circumstances which match this negative vibration. And these of course would be circumstances that are painful or worrisome or otherwise negative. And the same occurs with positive thoughts and feelings. They, too, attract to us positive circumstances. And its particularly true of our feelings as well as our thoughts. When we send out the vibrations of feelings such as joy and love and appreciation and other positive states, well attract to us exactly those experiences and outer circumstances that match them. Like attracts like. Jessica Ortner: Now, Pat, some people hear this for the first time and they get a little bit panicky because they think that this means that they can never think a negative thought or else theyre going to attract something thats horrible. So when someone comes to you a little bit panicked with this situation, what do you say to them? Patricia Carrington: I say that theyre right. That as a psychologist it is - I know impossible not to think a negative thought. We all do. Its like trying not to think of a white elephant. You tell somebody not to think of it and thats exactly what theyll think. You cant do this. And none of the writers were really serious on the Law of Attraction thinking could be. We dont want to just wallow in the negative , of course, but where I think people get confused is theyre putting too much emphasis on the thoughts and the words in the process of attracting, when what is the most important thing is our feelings, the feelings that accompany them, the feelings that are being broadcast out. These are what are going to determine our vibratory level. And the exercises well be doing today will be changing our feelings about receiving. Jessica Ortner: So when were tapping and were focusing on the what is, which some people will call the negative the negative thoughts, when were actually doing that, so youre saying even though were focusing on the negative in the situation of tapping, were not attracting it? Patricia Carrington: Well, were not doing tapping on that. When we get to doing the tapping we will be using words that help us envision and get into the positives. That is very important to be doing, but it isnt the same as going around and
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saying, I must never think a negative thought during the day. When were actually tapping we structure the tapping so that we are saying and creating positive experiences. Thats different than just walking around thinking, Oh my goodness. I better not think a negative thought. I better not say anything negative. You can kind of drive yourself crazy if you do that. Jessica Ortner: Right, right. So if were tapping on how we feel, were not going to attract that negativity if were just being honest and doing the tapping. Patricia Carrington: No, no. You do the tapping first to clear the negative. Jessica Ortner: Okay.

Patricia Carrington: Thats an important question, yes. Jessica Ortner: Brilliant. So Pat, this call is called clearing the blocks to receiving, what exactly do you mean when you say receiving? Patricia Carrington: Well actually this is something thats often hard for people to understand because were supposed to be sensible, and to not be able to receive what you most want in life doesnt really make much sense does it? So theres an old saying that really sums this up and it goes, Dont look a gift horse in the mouth. Thats what most people feel and thats what most people believe. Dont be fussy. You know what you want, grab it. Dont put obstacles in your own way. So theres a strong demand in our society that we be sensible and we not have a lot of ifs, ands, and buts, when we ask for something. If it comes to us we should just accept it easily and gratefully, and gracefully. The only problem with this kind of thinking is the fact that we do have a lot of ifs and ands and buts. In the back of our minds, a lot of the time, when we receive something thats exactly what we want and these can be big trouble makers. Jessica Ortner: So is it these beliefs that are stopping us from using the Law of Attraction to our advantage? Patricia Carrington: They are probably the biggest obstacle that any of us face when were trying to apply the Law of Attraction. It can block its operation completely to do that. But the interesting thing is that most people dont recognize that theyre blocking good fortune in this fashion because its so unacceptable to object to what we strongly want that we dont want to realize that were doing that. And this stops us from recognizing that were doing it, and of course th at also stops us from doing anything about this because you cant very well change something if you dont know you have it.

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Jessica Ortner: So youre saying that most people dont know that they have these limiting beliefs and these blocks. If theyre unaware of them how are they able to tap to get rid of them? Patricia Carrington: Thats the whole point and its a very good question. They arent going to be able to do that unless they uncover these blocks in the first place. Then theyll be able to tap on them and clear them. Jessica Ortner: So can we do something now to help the listeners begin to uncover and have more awareness of these blocks and what might be holding them back? Patricia Carrington: Yes, indeed we can and Id like to do it. Id like to lead our listeners in doing some detective work along these lines. Is that okay? Jessica Ortner: Yeah, lets do it.

Patricia Carrington: Alright. What Id like each one of you who are listening to do is to identify one thing that you dont have now in your life, that youd love to have. You will need a paper and a pencil to do this exercise so please get that now. You can pause the recording as you get it if you want. Jessica Ortner: And also, Pat, Ill mention that for those of you with the workbook you can turn to the section of this talk and therell be a place to do these exercises. Patricia Carrington: Okay, now I want you to write down all the difficulties that come to your mind when you think of receiving this gift. Here are some examples of possible difficulties. There are many, but heres some examples. You may think, for example, that someone else will be distressed when they find out that youve received this gift. You may think that certain burdensome demands will be made upon you when you receive it, or you may think therell be a radical change in your own self image which would be very distressing to you as a result of receiving this gift. Or it could be something else that you can think of as a potential difficulty. Id like you to think for a moment and write down all the possible disadvantages you can think of that could occur as a result of receiving your gift. Notice that Im not asking you to write down the advantages of receiving it because you already know them. I want you to ferret out and write down all the disadvantages you can think of because you may not be aware of these and when you become aware of them you can then use tapping to deal with them and eliminate your fear of them.

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Okay, now that youve written down the disadvantages of receiving your gift , I want you to think of any ways in which it might not be safe for you to receive this gift. Sounds like a strange question, but its an important one. For example, it might not feel safe to receive it because youd lose other peoples love if you did, or it might not feel safe because youre afraid that someone else might be jealous and try to hurt you. Or it might not feel safe because it would publicly expose you to scrutiny if you got the gift. Whatever you can think of thats unsafe about receiving this gift, write that down now. Jessica Ortner: Pat, I have a quick question for our listeners just to gain more clarity. When you say the word gift, what do you mean? Do you mean like a bracelet from someone or what do you mean when you say receiving a gift? Patricia Carrington: Well, suppose you wanted to have a raise in your job and you get the raise. That is getting it. It might have disadvantages for you and thats what I want you to ferret out and work on and eliminate. You might be afraid that your colleagues at work would be jealous of you and angry or resentful because you were promoted and they were not, but the getting would be the getting of what you wanted; if it was a raise, if it was meeting a wonderful new person you were going to have a relationship with, if it was experiencing a great improvement in a health condition, any of these things is the getting. The getting is the actual manifestation of what you are longing for. Jessica Ortner: So were discovering what the downside to getting what we want is.

Patricia Carrington: Exactly. That is the perfect way to put it. Thats the way Carol Look refers to it is the downside when she does her tapping. Downside is what were trying to dig out here, and it is the last thing you usually think of because you think of Oh how wonderful if I got it. You dont go one step further and were asking you to go one step further and think of the downside. Jessica Ortner: So once we write our reasons, our downsides, what do we do next?

Patricia Carrington: Well, Id like you to ask yourself, just to check whether youve covered all bases here, whether you feel that you really deserve to have this gift. And that may sound like a strange question, but youd be surprised how many people feel that they wouldnt really deserve what they really want. Its very common. Deserving is a much bigger issue than we realize most of the time. I see it causing difficulty for people all the time in my work as a psychologist. I would like you to take a moment now to pause the recording again, and write this list. Now that youve written down all the problems you can think of at this moment, you may think of some more later, that could arise if you really get what
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you want. I want you to just select one of them at the moment to keep in the back of your mind while we do the following exercise. Were going to be tapping for an imaginary person who has a fear that other people may be jealous and angry if they get whatever it is they want most. This is a very common fear by the way. And youre going to be borrowing benefits by tapping along with me and you and Jessica are going to repeat the words that I say. Is that okay, Jessica? Would you be willing to do that? Jessica Ortner: Yes, I would love to. And before we start, another quick question, when you say borrowing benefits, what do you mean? Patricia Carrington: Oh good. Its a very well known technique that was developed by Gary Craig and what it is is you will repeat the exact words that Im saying even if this is not an issue for you, even if you dont have a fear that other people may be jealous and angry. Just say the words anyway. And your subconscious will connect what were doing with your own issue, the one youve written down, and will help you change that issue. So its a most interesting technique. You just follow along and just say what Im saying as Jessica says it. Jessica Ortner: Okay.

Patricia Carrington: Alright, now what Im going to do before we start the exercise, Im going to ask you to please give yourself a distress rating on a zero to ten point scale for your own personal concern, the one youve written down, where ten is about as distressed as you can imagine being if this situation happened and zero is being perfectly laid back about this possible unpleasant side effect. It no longer bothers you, doesnt distress you, doesnt scare you, so forth. No w this distress ratings going to be your baseline and youll refer to it again after weve done the tapping. Now the script for this tapping sequence is in the workbook and there you can fill in your own unpleasant side effect and then say it out loud a nd tap on it. Now Im going to lead you. Alright, lets begin. Start by tapping on the Karate Chop spot on the side of your hand and say out loud and Im going to pause in the middle of what were saying to give you chance and Jessica chance to repeat what I say, so Ill stop sometimes in the middle of a sentence. So youre going to say out loud Even though Im afraid that people will be jealous and angry at me if I get what I want,
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I choose to accept this problem as an issue that can be handled by tapping. Now were going to say this again, still tapping on the Karate Chop spot. We usually say the phrase three times on the Karate Chop spot. So we say again Even though Im afraid that people will be jealous and angry at me if I get what I want, I choose to accept this problem as an issue that can be handled by tapping. Now say this sentence one more time while tapping on the Karate Chop spot still. Even though Im afraid that people will be jealous and angry at me if I get what I want, I choose to accept this problem as an issue that can be handled by tapping. Okay, and now we go to the inner eyebrow and you say I dont want this unpleasant reaction from people. It will be distressing. I just want the gift all by itself. But suppose I cant have the gift without this inconvenient side effect. That bothers me. I want the gift without the problem. I want the gift without any problems. I want the gift without that problem. I choose to put an end to this conflict within me. I choose to face this unpleasant side effect and eliminate the problem I have around it. I choose to handle this by tapping. I choose to know that if I work on this possible occurrence using tapping It will make all the difference. I choose to make that difference. I choose to stare this difficulty right in the face. And see it as a reason why my gift may be delaying itself. I choose to do something about this possible side effect. I choose to clear the road once and for all for my wonderful gift. I choose to clear the road completely for my gift. I choose to clear the way.

EB: SE: UE: UN: CP: CB: UA: TH: EB: SE: UE: CP: CB: UA: TH: EB: SE: UE:

And now take an easy, slow breath in and then let it out slowly. (Breathe in and out.)
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Jessica Ortner: Wow, thank you for that, Pat. Pat, in the process that we just did its a little bit different than traditional EFT. You were using what you are very famous for, the Choices Method. So for those of us who dont know about the Choices Method, can you tell us a little bit about it and why its still effective and whens the right time to incorporate it into our tapping? Patricia Carrington: I certainly will tell you because I use it all the time myself and with my clients and so forth. Conventional EFT and tapping is a brilliant tool for tapping away and getting rid of distress. By tapping on our traumas or fears or any other negative emotions that you can imagine, we actually remove the distress from them. We really tap out the negative. And this has made this tapping technique a major advance for psychotherapy and I use it all the time myself as a clinical psychologist. Now the Choices Method adds to traditional tapping the capacity to tap in the positive as well. You can tap in the positive as well as tap out the negative, and this is important because now this technique can be used in a way that far exceeds just clearing up problems. It can be used in a really transformative way. The Choices Method allows the person whos tapping to choose the positive state which they want to substitute for the negative state that theyre removing. And tapping becomes much more precise and targeted when you can choose exactly like when you can choose exactly how youd like to feel and then tap this desired state in. Let me give you an example of this. Suppose you were nervous about an upcoming speech you had to give in front of a group. Now you could use conventional tapping to say, Even though Im nervous about making that speech, I deeply and profoundly accept myself. And thats the default self acceptance phrase, for example, thats used in traditional EFT. However, suppose you said instead, while you were tapping, Even though Im nervous about making that speech, I choose to be completely calm and confident. Now you can see the difference between these two statements. Deeply and completely accepting yourself is a wonderful affirmation and very useful in many instances, but there are many times when you want to be much more specific than that and ask for what you really want. You put it into the choice, what you really want, and saying, Even though Im nervous about that speech, I choose to be completely calm and confident is very specific, very targeted. Youre asking for exactly what you want. This is a great advantage. Jessica Ortner: That makes a lot of sense. Now we just did one tapping round so what I want to know is how do we check in to figure out whether weve really gotten rid of that fear of that unwanted side effect?

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Patricia Carrington: Well, in the example we used here you need to imagine a situation where some people became jealous or angry at you. Its always possible that some people will feel that, because youve gotten what you want and it was something so good. And notice how upset their jealousy or anger makes you feel right now, right after the tapping. If you have tapped on this issue, maybe you feel quite at ease now with the thought that certain people may have problems with this and many others will be so happy for you. The idea that some would be angry no longer bothers you at all. Test your own personal issue, the one youve written down this way, and see how you feel about it after tapping on it. You may need to do some more tapping on this issue of your own if it hasnt come down, and if it has youve opened the way to receive. Jessica Ortner: Pat, how many times does someone usually need to do this process before getting results? Patricia Carrington: Well absolutely no way to tell really, because everybodys different. Theyre all different from each other. It usually takes several rounds of tapping on the specific unpleasant outcome you imagined before you can allow yourself to feel more comfortable, but some people itll happen right away. They feel comfortable after one round and some people have to come back to it later and do a little more work. But when you do get it down, when you feel perfectly okay with this thing happening, you know you can handle it this side effect then you can have whole-hearted receiving of the gift that you long for, and its much more apt to come to you. Jessica Ortner: Great. So once weve done this process, where do we go from here? Patricia Carrington: Well weve just looked at the first really big obstacle to receiving your gift. It happens much more often than people have any idea of. The unpleasant side effects you may be expecting that need to be worked on by tapping. So now were going to look at another obstacle, but before we do I want to mention to you that after youve finished listening to this recording you should systematically use tapping at home, on your own, for each one of the issues that you wrote down as being potential problems, a potential down side for you if you do get your gift. You can replay this recording if you have it and we will have the wording of this exercise published for you in the Summit workbook as well. If you have the recording to the session you can let me lead you through the exercise each time you do it, just as I did right now, and you can tap along with me for the other disadvantages that you wrote down. You want to clear them all. You want to get them all out of the way.

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Jessica Ortner: Great. Once we do this process, can you tell us where we go from here? Whats the second step? Patricia Carrington: Youre going to formulate a tapping phrase such as Even though I have this (whatever your issue is, your downside,) and write down your objection, your side effect, I choose to feel perfectly okay and safe even if this happens. And then tap down your anxiety about this side effect until your stress level comes down to a one or a zero. Thats what you do specifically with this issue. Now, actually this isnt all you can do to open the way to an easy, comfortable, graceful receiving which will allow the Law of Attraction to work more smoothly for you. Theres another very important aspect to receiving any gift that you want to attract. Jessica Ortner: Oh, Id love to hear about it. Patricia Carrington: Okay. Youre going to need to deal with a set of beliefs that our society holds around the act of receiving itself. I think all of us are taught at one time or another that receiving is much less valuable or good than giving, and I really like to address this because it holds so many people back from being able to manifest what they want in their lives. So this belief, and it is very prevalent, is that its better to give than to receive. The actual biblical quote for this is, It is more blessed to give than to receive. And you may have heard that. Actually the problem isnt the quote itself, but the fact that people have misinterpreted it by giving a very narrow definition to the word receiving. And Ill explain that in a moment. Jessica Ortner: You know, I can see that come up in many peop les lives. That idea of giving is better than receiving. So what do you mean that were misinterpreting something that were learning as children? Patricia Carrington: Well, we interpret this saying by ignoring entirely the great pleasure that it is experienced by the person whos giving a gift to another when that gift is received with delight and appreciation. In order for everyone listening to understand what I mean, Im going to ask all of you to try to remember giving a gift to someone that they were absolutely thrilled with. This could have been the simplest of gifts you gave to a child on their birthday, or it could have been some help you extended to a friend which they didnt expect. Think of whatever it was that you did that was received wonderfully. I want you to try to remember such a situation. Because having a gift that you give received wonderfully is one of the great experiences in life. What a sense of joy it is when youve been able to make another person that happy. And think this too to yourself: suppose the person youve given that gift to had turned to you and said, Oh no, I really cant
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accept this. I want to be allowed to give it to you instead. I know if someone had said that to me when Id gone to all the trouble of finding something I thought would mean a lot to them it would have seemed almost like a slap in the face. I would experience it as a rejection of me and of my caring and of my love. The person would have dashed cold water over my happy feelings and they would have spoiled the experience for me. Whats important is to realize that receiving fully and graciously is in itself a great gift to the giver. It is an act of love both ways. Jessica Ortner: Now can we interpret this as the person whos giving us something, but also The Divine or the Creator or God, any way that we define that higher power? Patricia Carrington: Absolutely. Thats a great question. Absolutely! You interpret your receiving of the gift quite correctly if you feel that where ever it comes from and if it is coming from The Divine and if it is coming from the universe, that you are giving to God, the universe, whatever word you want to use or concept by receiving it with love and delight. Its a two-way process. Its so important to feel this and the minute you do you will be able to receive more good things, many more, into your life. And do so with a clear sense of no guilt, no apologies, and knowing that youre contributing to the whole process by your gracious receiving. Jessica Ortner: Well I would love to do some tapping on this, Pat. Patricia Carrington: Okay. So we shall start now with the Karate Chop spot again. Were only going to take phase 1 on the Karate Chop spot this time to save time. So, Karate Chop spot Even though they say its better to give than to receive I choose to know that giving and receiving are both parts of the same act. EB: SE: UE: I choose to know that there cannot be giving without receiving. I choose to know that the giver is only happy when the receiver receives happily Even though I was told it was selfish to receive too much I choose to know that unless I receive fully I cannot participate in the universe with true balance and grace. I choose to know that in receiving with grace I become humble and loving. I choose to know that when I receive gracefully I honor the giver. I choose to know that both giving and receiving are part of our natural heritage.

CP: CB: UA:

Now take an easy breath in and let it out slowly. (Breathe in and out)

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Okay, now test yourself by saying out loud again the words that we used in the beginning, the limiting belief. It is better to give than receive. And rate how true you feel this is now after weve done the tapping, with ten being absolutely true and zero not true at all. Where are you on the scale? Okay, actually it is neither better nor worse to give than it is to receive the same way that an out breath is not any better or worse than an in breath. Theyre both parts of the same process of breathing. And in a similar way we cant interrupt the process of giving and receiving by emphasizing one end of the spectrum without causing disruption in ourselves and others. Now I want to clarify one thing about this and that is that people overlook the fact that grabbing or demanding something is not the same as receiving. Grabbing or demanding are forceful acts and they have nothing to do with true receiving. Yet its the person whos grabbing or demanding what they think are their rights, the person who is willing to take something away from another to get what they think they should have is the type of person who is addressed by the well-known saying it is more blessed to give than to receive. Actually I think its quite possible that before it was translated from one language to another, the original statement went more like, It is more blessed to give than to take what is not yours. And I think wed all agree that taking or demanding what is not rightfully ours is not an act of love. Jessica Ortner: Pat, how do we know when we no longer have trouble receiving? How do we test it? Patricia Carrington: Well, you imagine receiving what it is that you would want. The actual thing that you would love to have in your life and you see whether youre still concerned about the unwanted side effect, the downside, happening. If you are, continue tapping for the same issue. If you no longer feel any concern about that unwanted side effect then youve just opened yourself to receiving this gift much more fully. Jessica Ortner: Pat, we only have a minute left, but Id love to hear a story of someone using this exercise and the results they had. Patricia Carrington: Okay, I was working with a woman just last week as a matter of fact whos volunteering as a demo in one of my teleseminars, and sh e reports she hadnt realized she had any problem at all with receiving until we did the exercise, but after shed done it she realized that she is a helper person, shes actually an occupational therapist by profession, and someone who everyone else can always count on, and that she was having a hard time right now because shes been recovering from Lyme Disease and her energy level is very
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low. So shes had to ask for help with some ordinary, simply household tasks, such as cleaning the swimming pool, that she feels she should be able to do by herself. Actually, difficulty in asking for help is always part of a difficulty receiving. If the person finds it difficult to receive, they almost always have difficulty asking for help. And when this woman did the exercise she realized that having to ask for help with the swimming pool had threatened her own image of herself as strong and competent and able to do everything for herself, but of course the fact is that sometimes we simply all of us have to ask at times for help. So I asked this woman to imagine a soldier in battle whos known to be very responsible and helpful. Hes self-reliant. Hes a good leader. And to imagine that hes hit by an enemy bullet and he falls into a ditch, and hes temporarily paralyzed by the bullet so he cant move or crawl out of the ditch. The enemy is approaching rapidly, everyone is running to get out of the way, and his buddies, who greatly respect him, have no idea that he cant move or get out of the d itch. He realizes he has to ask for their help or he will die. So he calls out to them, Hey fellas, help me get out of here. I cant move. When he does this they help him immediately. Now I asked her, is this man any less responsible and helpful a person because he asked for help under these circumstances? Do his buddies think any the less of him because he asked for help? What would the same buddies had felt if hed not asked for help and had simply lain there in the ditch paralyzed and then been killed by the enemy soldiers when they arrived? Actually they would have felt terrible that they hadnt realized what trouble he was in and been able to give him help and in this case he gave to them by asking. So my point was with her that sometimes we need to ask and our asking can be a gift to others. Jessica Ortner: That makes a lot of sense and I know that you have another incredible process that we dont have time for, but people can experience it in the workbook and follow along. Pat, you know as were wrapping up here and people are doing this process and moving forward, what are some last tips you want to leave with people who are committed to let go of the blocks to receiving? Patricia Carrington: I think that people who are committed to that must really begin to, with a good easy conscience, locate those blocks in terms of the downside of receiving, and then tap it away. Systematically there is nothing that you can receive in this world that might not have some downside to it when you first approach the thought of it until you tap it away, and when you do youre clearing so much for yourself. That would be the real advice that I would have. And, as you say, theres another exercise I have about the whole process of receiving itself that will clear things for you and that, but we dont have time for it right now,
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but it is in the workbook word for word and I think that the receiving muscle, the receiving ability in people, if they can foster it and become graceful receivers, theyre going to get so much more in life and enjoy it when they get it so much more. Jessica Ortner: So very true. Well, Pat, thank you for everything that youve shared with us and for helping us understand this relationship between receiving and giving. Thank you so much. Patricia Carrington: Thank you for having me on. I loved it.

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