Ok I have two but they are kinda long.

My once took my Gandfather to school to tell my class about his flying expliots in the Battle of Britain. Now being a Scott he had a heavy accent as he began to tell my freinds about thi s one day's dogfight. "Der Ah was, flying along when O'Cap shouted "Bandits tew O'clock low!" Now we p ushed our spits nose down inta them fokkers. One flew across me nose and Ah gave him a good squirt of meh guns and that fokker went down in flames. Then meh pla ne shuddard as this other fokker riddled meh full ah holes. I cranked my Spit ov er on a wing and slid behind that fokker ana blasted him!" At this point my teacher interuppted and explained to the class that a Fokker is a type of airplane. And My grandfather replied "Aye lassy but these fokkers were flying Messerschmit ts!!" And #2 Poland: Germany is well into their invasion. A green soldier is next inline to recive his weapon to fight when the supply Off icer delcleares that there are no more rifles. "Our Supply lines have been cut by the Hun! So the rest of you are going to the front as is." The green soldier asks "What the hell are we supposed to fight with?" While othe rs verbally agree. The supply officer replies" Look don't worry American intelligence has told us t hat the common German soldier is uneducated and will belive anything. All you ha ve to do is point you finger at them like this" The offcer make a gun gresture w ith his hand " And shout BANG! and they will fall down dead! Honest." Grumbles of disbelief spread through the group, but alas there are no other weap ons, so to the front they go. The green soldier was hunkered down in a fox hole when a German trooper appeared at the rim shouting at him. Startled he pointed his finger and yelled "BANG!" The german dropped his rifle clutched his chest and fell over...Dead. The Green looked at his finger "Holy crap! it works!" he thought. He turned and BANG BANG two more fell, in the distacne he saw three more across the field, thinking a pistol wont do, he rasied his arms like a rifle and Yelled "KA-POW KA-POW" An two of the three fell. The third continued to advance running straight for him. Gettting closer by the second. Green fired again KA-POW, KA-POW but this time nothing. Again KA-POW KA-POW still nothing, the German was closer still, Green panicked B ANG BANG BANG BANG reverting to his pistol finger with the same futile results. The Huge German ran him down trampling him into the mud, and just before he lost consciousness he heard the German muttering to himself. PANZER! PANZER! PANZER! panzer!