TOUR 2012?

I had thought that my previous post would be the last actual post on this blog. ut I met with the guy who is wor!ing on my new website yesterday and it seems li!e a "ew more things have to be "i#ed be"ore we can go live at the new website. $o I%m going to leave you with at least one more thing here. &hich is about my upcoming travels. The map above is the basic route I will be "ollowing when I ma!e my 'ourney across these United $tates. (ou can clic! on any o" these maps to enlarge them. I will leave )!ron on *une 1+th and arrive in ,no#ville later that day where I%ll meet up with my dad and my sister. Then my dad and I will head "or -allas a little bit later. .aybe the ne#t day. .aybe two days a"ter. .aybe three. &e don%t !now yet.

/ere%s where you come in. I have already accepted a spea!ing gig in 0as 1ruces2 3ew .e#ico 4the date has yet to be "inali5ed6. It occurred to me that I might be able to "it in a couple other spea!ing gigs on the way out to 1ali"ornia. In order "or me to ma!e it to any venue that might want to have me2 the venue would have to be able to schedule the tal! "or sometime a"ter *une 17th and de"initely be"ore the "irst wee! o" *uly is over. &e%d need to coordinate with the people in 0as 1ruces in case there%s any con"lict. )nd you%d have to be somewhere on or at least not too "ar o"" the route you see on the map above.

8or e#ample2 3ashville2 .emphis2 0ittle Roc!2 Tuscon and 9hoeni# 4among many others6 are all on the route I%m ta!ing. )tlanta2 1hattanooga2 irmingham2 $hreveport2 O!lahoma 1ity2 )ustin2 and 0ubboc! 4among many others6 are not on my route but are not inconceivably "ar o"" o" it. Omaha is too "ar. -enver might be do:able2 but it%s a pretty long way "rom where I want to be. (ou get the idea2 I hope. This may not wor! out at all. The time "rame is short. It%s really hard to say with these things. ut i" you%re interested in trying2 please send me an email at spoo5illa;gmail.com. I%m speci"ically loo!ing "or spea!ing gigs or one:day retreat type things. I probably can%t accept your !ind o""er to meet up "or co""ee. I would consider places that might o""er me a couch "or the night2 though we%d have to see i" that !ind o" thing would wor! out with the schedule and what:not. <<< 9eople in the comments section seem concerned about the new website2 especially its comments section. I%m tal!ing to the guy who is doing all the tech stu"" about various options. I do li!e the "ree:"orm "eel o" the current comments section in principle. ut in actual practice2 it o"ten 'ust gets screwy in there. &hat I%m hoping to do is have some !ind o" "ree:"orm area o" the new site where people can post whatever they li!e as well as an area where people who actually want to discuss serious stu"" can go. I%m not sure i" this will be possible or not. That%s what most o" the discussion last night was about. 9ersonally2 the comments section can get very ta#ing "or me. I don%t thin! a lot o" the commenters understand that I am an actual human being 'ust li!e them. The mean nasty hurt"ul stu"" does actually hurt me sometimes. I" I were Rush 0imbaugh or /oward $tern and I got paid big money to be the target o" abuse by strangers2 that would be a di""erent matter. Or i" I "elt there was some way in which my being a punching bag helped the dharma somehow2 that would also be di""erent. Or even i" I were 'ust a guy who en'oys arguing with people... ut I am none o" these things. )nd other people get abused in there as well. It%s really sad. $o the comments section as it stands now o"ten devolves into a big2 depressing energy suc! that has no value at all "or me. $orry to say this. ut it%s the truth. It%s not always that way. In "act sometimes it%s really good and stimulating. ut as it stands now it%s 'ust too prone to running itsel" into spasms o" stupidity. I want to "ind a way to allow a good2 stimulating space "or real conversations to happen that I can involve mysel" in2 while simultaneously having another section where people can go nuts. I would probably never even set "oot in the go:nuts section . I started moderating the comments section on the last post and all !inds o" people are sending in comments screeching about =censorship= and =the truth.= 0oo!2 "ol!s. It%s 'ust the comments section o" a blog. There%s nothing in the 1onstitution guaranteeing you the right to vent in there. 9lease 'ust try to rela# a little. .aybe do

some 5a5en instead. Or i" you want a blog to vent on2 start your own. It%s easy and it%s "ree. 3o one will stop you. 3o one will censor you or moderate you. )ccording to logger%s statistics2 over +22000 comments have appeared on this blog since it started. 8i"ty two thousand> .y ?od. That%s a lot. ) lot o" people have used this space as a way to broadcast their opinions. )nd a lot have abused the privilege. The comments section o" this blog is so notorious that Tricycle maga5ine singled it out in a piece called -harma &ars about the way uddhist blogging o"ten gets out o" hand. )nd they were right to do so. $ome o" what%s gone on in the comments section o" this blog is really shame"ul and embarrassing. I have really done a lot to allow "or an open "orum. )nd it has come at a cost to me in headaches and heartaches. $o please understand why the new website will be di""erent in this regard.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T 7A+B ). 127 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

.O3-)(2 .)( 2C2 2012

U0TR).)3 -@$TRO(@R and T/@ @3- O8 /)R-1OR@D@3. 0O?$9OT.1O.

I 'ust put my Ibane5 Ultraman -estroyer guitar up on e ay. The bidding starts at the inconceivably low price o" E1+00. There were only two 426 o" these guitars ever made. I designed it mysel" "or a promotion Tsuburaya 9roductions teamed up with Ibane5 "or at the 200+ 3).. show. This is my own personal guitar and it%s very important to me. ut I%m getting rid o" stu"" and this is one thing I%m getting rid o". ?o bid on it now. It will be up there "or a wee!. )nd please2 please do not get cheap on me people> This is one o" a very small number o" things I own that are actually worth something both personally to me and monetarily because o" the incredible

rarity o" the item. 0i!e I said2 I designed it. I chose the Ultraman image and the guitar model it would go on2 then placed the image where it is2 then approved a test version and "inally got me a guitar. This is probably my personal "avorite image o" Ultraman. One reason is because you can actually see a little o" the man inside the costume 4 in 8uruya6 peering out through the mouth o" the costume. It loo!s li!e maybe Ultraman has a tongue. ut that%s really .r. 8uruya%s chin. It%s "orm the "irst episode o" Ultraman originally broadcast in 1FGG. The photo used was printed "rom the original negative "rom Tsuburaya%s archives2 not some chee5y *9@? some dude "ound on the Internet. I played this Huite a bit and recorded with it. ut it has never been used on stage. $o it%s li!e new2 even though it%s technically a used instrument. The money this generates will go to help pay "or my upcoming move and "or my "riend 1atie%s wedding since 1atie has been storing this "or a couple o" years "or me. The UR0 o" the e ay listing isA httpAIIcgi.ebay.comIwsIe ayI$)9I.dll?JiewItemKitemL120F2227GM7G. <<< The ne#t bit o" news I have to announce is that the blog you%re reading will soon vanish> ut "ear not. I%ve been wor!ing with my good "riend *ayce "or a "ew months now to design a brand new website that will be "ar better and more pro"essional loo!ing than this old blog. I%ll have more speci"ics in the ne#t couple o" days. ut I thought I%d give you a heads up now. The new website will go live in *une and this one will go dead at about the same time.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T 11A0+ ). G1 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

8RI-)(2 .)( 2+2 2012

$tu"" 9art B

0ast night I reread the previous thing I put up here2 =$tu"" 9art 2.= )nd I reali5ed that what I wrote could be ta!en two ways. In one sense it%s about a guy trying to throw away stu"" that he%s accumulated in a storage unit. ut it could also be ta!en metaphorically. I%m !ind o" dumb that way. &hen I read the hagavad ?ita a long time ago2 I thought it was a story about ?od coming down and helping a guy in a battle. $omeone had to tell me that the "ive horses o" ,rishna%s chariot represent the "ive senses2 that ,rishna and )r'una represent the personal sel" and the more elevated sel" riding in the same chariot o" the body2 and so on. I was too dense to get that on my own. $eems I%m the same way with my own writing. Our personality2 our ego2 is li!e a storage unit in which we !eep all the things we don%t want to let go o". &e !now that eventually we%ll have to let go o" everything. ut right now we don%t. $o we !eep it. $ome o" us are very protective o" our storage units. &e spend a lot o" time organi5ing the stu"" inside2 reminding ourselves o" what%s there2 de"ending it against those who might want to steal it2 or 'ust de"ending it against the unavoidable decay that all things undergo. Others o" us are less protective o" our stu"". ut we !eep it anyway and we don%t really want to let it go anymore than the more protective "ol!s do. I" you reali5e that you have to let go o" the stu"" in the storage unit that is your sel"2 and you !now you need help to do that2 who would be best to call upon? ?oing bac! to my own actual concrete and metal storage unit in -urham2 312 I was very luc!y to have my "riend 1atie help me. 1atie understood very clearly what I was going through last wee!end. $he has her own stu"". $he doesn%t care much about Ultraman and ?od5illa 'un!. ut she%s a huge "an o" .orrissey. $he%s even gone so "ar as traveling to @ngland or "ar "lung parts o" the U$) 'ust to attend his concerts. The way she tells it2 even waiting in line "or tic!ets to see .orrissey is a magical e#perience "or her. $he has2 in her apartment 4the 0ady 1ave6 what she calls her $hrine to .orrissey. In this shrine is a collection o" memorabilia collected during those 'ourneys. $he may not understand what I see in a !ids% TJ superhero show "rom *apan. ut she !nows

what it%s li!e to have stu"" that%s important to you and that other people can%t really understand the signi"icance o". In the more metaphorical process o" cleaning out the sel"2 you need that !ind o" helper. ) lot o" people will re'ect certain teachers because they believe they are "lawed and there"ore cannot teach them the per"ection that they see!. They search2 instead2 "or teachers who they view as pure and untainted. ut what they%re see!ing when they loo! "or that is someone to help them get rid o" the stu"" in their storage unit who cannot understand why they%re !eeping stu"" in a storage unit at all. I%m not really sure that would be the best !ind o" help one could as! "or. esides that2 I thin! these !inds o" =per"ected teachers= are mostly the stu"" o" legend. They%re mythical creatures much li!e the 0och 3ess .onster. I use 3essie as my e#ample because I2 rad2 the guy writing this2 truly wants to believe that the 0och 3ess .onster is real. I want to believe that there actually is a living plesiosaurus swimming around in a la!e in $cotland. $eriously. ut I%ve loo!ed at the evidence and none o" it holds up to care"ul scrutiny. )s much as I wish it were true2 I have to admit that it%s probably not. The greatest teachers2 in my estimation2 are those who understand what it%s li!e to have a storage unit o" the sel". Oh *esus what a horrible clun!y metaphor> ut I%m gonna run with it. .y teachers2 Tim and 3ishi'ima2 are not ego:less =per"ected masters.= They are2 in "act2 both people with very strong egos and very clear attachments. .y troll ?ni5 was critici5ing me recently "or not pointing out the "laws in my own teachers. I re"rain "rom doing so because they%re also my "riends2 and you don%t go on the Internet and reveal the hidden "laws o" your "riends. That%s not nice. That%s also a good way to lose a "riendship. ut su""ice it to say2 they have "laws. It%s not that they have no stu"" in their storage units that appeals to me and wor!s "or me. Rather it%s the way they deal with the stu"" they%ve chosen to !eep in there. It%s very di""erent "rom the way that most people deal with it. The di""erences are subtle2 so subtle sometimes that most people would miss them completely. ut they are deep and pro"ound. These men have discovered a way to both !eep that stu"" in their storage unit and not !eep it at the same time. It%s the !ind o" tric! that I would have thought impossible. )nd I%ve spent years and years and years with both o" them watching very care"ully "or signs o" sleight o" hand. ut I%ve come away convinced that what I%m seeing is actually true. )nd because it%s true it cannot be magic. It must be something that I can do too. $hunryu $u5u!i Roshi said that2 in practicing Den2 you have to clean out your room. /e "ollowed up by saying that sometimes you%ll bring all the stu"" bac! into the room a"ter you%ve ta!en it out. ut2 he said2 you have to ta!e it all out "irst. I would also add here that most people will end up throwing away a lot o" things2 but still ta!ing bac! the most important ones. This is precisely li!e what you do when clearing out an actual storage unit.

I" you threw everything away2 you%d also throw away those things that ma!e you most e""ective in helping others clean out their storage units. (ou%d throw away the attachment to your stu"" that ma!es you a good sympathi5er to someone who needs it. Understand that this stu"" doesn%t necessarily need to be actual physical stu"". $ome people have no possessions at all2 yet still manage to cling very hard to their personal stu"" anyhow. $ometimes the very "act that they own nothing becomes a huge thing that they own and are completely unwilling or even unable to get rid o". )nyway2 those are the thoughts on this matter that were swimming around in my head and demanding to be written down when 1rum the 1at wo!e me up this morning. I was unable to go bac! to sleep2 even though I seriously needed to2 until I typed them out. )nd so now here they are "or you to en'oy. )nd with that2 I will begin another day o" getting rid o" stu"". (esterday I sold si# big bo#es o" boo!s2 -J-s and 1-s. Today I%m hoping to cut things down even more. I will not get rid o" all o" it. 3ot 'ust yet anyway. ut the time will come eventually. -o please consider ma!ing a donation to help me move the important stu"" I have to !eep. I hate to say that shit and sound li!e a damned televangelist. ut this move is costing me a god:damned "ortune no matter how much 'un! I unload and my battered 9T 1ruiser is going to need some up!eep in order to ma!e it out to the &est 1oast in one piece.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T +A1C ). 100 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

T/UR$-)(2 .)( 2M2 2012

$tu"" 9art 2

$o I pared the contents o" my storage space down to ten o" what the U$ 9ostal $ervice calls =large= 9riority .ail bo#es. They%re really not very large2 i" you as! me. The dimensions are 12 inches # 12 inches # + 1I2 inches. Those o" you reading in countries where they use the metric system2 please do your own conversions. (ou can%t even get record albums in them because the dimensions are 'ust a hair too small. I was able to do this because o" the cooperation o" my good "riend 1atie raly. I gave her the authority to tell me to get rid o" my stu"". I voluntarily submitted to her. )nd I paid her "or this service. I told her that I%d split whatever I made "rom selling my stu"" and give her hal". $he probably would have done it "or "ree. ut I would%ve "elt shitty about that2 especially since she%s trying to get money together "or her upcoming wedding. Our arrangement resembled what happens when one hires a personal "itness trainer2 a martial arts instructor2 or when one wor!s with a Den teacher. (ou willingly submit to authority in order to do something that you "ind yoursel" unable to do alone. In my case2 I had a strong attachments to what was in that storage unit. It wasn%t a lot o" stu"" compared to what most )merican males my age own. ut it was stu"" I%d spent years acHuiring through long travels and through personal connections. There were things in that storage unit that certain nerdy people would 'ust about !ill "or. $ome o" the items I managed to get my hands on while I wor!ed at Tsuburaya 9roductions were made available e#clusively to employees o" the company. They trade "or handsome amounts o" cash among *apanese collectors. 3ow I had to get rid o" it and there was really no way to sell it to the people who would actually pay what it was worth. Imagine you have a vintage .ercedes in mint condition2 it runs great and there%s not even a spec! o" rust anywhere on it. ut you%re in a land where nobody drives cars or even !nows what one is. $o you have no choice but to donate it to an elementary school where they%re going to gut it and put it out in the playground "or the !ids to climb all over. (ou can tell yoursel" =at least the !ids are going to en'oy playing on it= all you want. @ven so2 you%re still gonna "eel !ind o" bad about it. ut2 as anyone who%s gotten rid o" stu"" can tell you2 it also "eels good to dump your 'un! N even i" it%s good 'un!. I" I didn%t !now I would "eel better once this stu"" was gone2 I wouldn%t have enlisted 1atie%s help to get rid o" it. I as!ed 1atie to be ruthless and she was. &henever I said2 =I want to !eep this2= she would as! why. &hen I gave my reasons2 she%d as! why again. &ith her help I was able to get rid o" a lot o" things I probably would otherwise have !ept. &e established a sa"e word N =watermelon= N which could be used i" I really couldn%t let go o" some particular thing. I only remember using it once. That was when I "ound an old issue o" 8rea!beat maga5ine containing an interview with me during the days when I was ma!ing the -imentia 1B albums.

In Den training2 you have to accept a certain amount o" authority. I !now I%ve been outspo!en in the past about Huestioning authority. )nd I stand by what I said. ut I "eel that the real problem is belief in authority. &hen you hire a personal trainer2 or as! a "riend to help you get rid o" stu""2 you don%t usually end up believing that your personal trainer or your "riend is some !ind o" almost divine being who !nows all and sees all. (ou view your trainer or your "riend as an eHual to whom you have provisionally granted a limited degree o" power over you2 usually in e#change "or something. Den teaching relationships can also wor! the same way. (ou ac!nowledge that your teacher has some basis "or being able to teach you. /e%s had training and e#perience. 9erhaps he e#hibits some !ind o" personal charm or charisma that attracted you to him in the "irst place. That%s all "ine. ut there is always a mutual e#change going on. (our Den teacher is also learning "rom you. /e isn%t learning the same things as you%re learning "rom him2 or learning what he learns in Huite the same way. ut it%s not a one way street. It%s not some !ind o" mystical download "rom on high. It%s important in these relationships to grant the teacher respect. ut you should also e#pect to be respected in return. @ach side o" the relationship is di""erent2 though2 and the ways in which respect is shown and help is o""ered by each side is also di""erent 8or e#ample2 last wee!end I allowed 1atie to be a bit short and curt with me. I needed someone to say a short2 sharp =3o>= to me. It didn%t always "eel good to hear that. ut it was part o" the process. I" I%d put "orth my personal desires things couldn%t wor! out to my own ultimate bene"it. $o I had to allow someone else the authority to deny me what I thought I wanted. In Den teaching and other spiritual relationships2 this aspect o" mutual respect o"ten brea!s down into a !ind o" worship. I !now there are schools o" thought that say this sort o" worship"ul attitude can be used to bene"it students. I don%t believe that. That always seems li!e a perversion o" what the relationship ought to be2 even when such perversions are enshrined by tradition. It%s too easy "or this to mess up both the students and the teacher. (ou end up with a teacher who owns a "ew houses and a couple do5en 0amborghinis but has lost sight o" whatever made him a great teacher to begin with and a bunch o" students who thin! the whole point is to purchase gi"ts "or their beloved master. )ctually2 the process last wee!end was a lot easier than I%d "eared it might be. I "ound it "airly easy to let stu"" go. I guess all that 5a5en pays o"" sometimes. @ven i" it "eels li!e you haven%t really grasped its lessons2 sometimes things happen and you reali5e you have.

In the end2 a little boy named li#a2 the son o" 1atie%s "riend -rea ended up with a collection o" *apanese monster stu"". li#a is a big "an o" Ultraman2 having been turned on to it by his dad. That%s him in the Ultraman costume on the photo at the top o" this blog. The stu"" li#a got might loo! li!e mere toys to the untrained eye. ut most o" it was not. /e ended up with some high tic!et collectibles that I sincerely hope he will not bash around as i" they were E+ action "igures "rom the local &al.art. ut I have no way o" controlling what happens to those things anymore. I have to be O, with that. )nd surprisingly2 I am. *ust be"ore I le"t2 li#a brought over a gi"t he%d made "or me as his e#change "or the stu"" I gave him. It%s a picture he drew o" Ultraman%s goat. I never even !new Ultraman had a goat> That drawing is priceless> It%s one collector%s item I%ll be holding on to>

/ardcore Den $tri!es )gain )--@3-U. In the comments section someone saidA Aside from Baker Roshi... name another zen teacher who lives in opulence from the donations of their students. It%s true that generally spea!ing Den is mostly "ree o" masters who live high o"" the hog "rom donations. )t least in the &est. In *apan things are di""erent. I "ound that most o" my =normal= 4ie2 not involved in uddhism6 "riends had no respect at all "or Den masters. The general "eeling

seemed to be that Den masters were la5y rich people2 driving around in "ancy cars and wor!ing only when necessary to do "unerals and other such ceremonies. They were seen as ta!ing advantage o" the poor and uneducated. /ow much o" this is actually valid2 I do not !now. $ome o" it surely must be true because the stereotype was Huite common among people I !new over there. The people I !new who held this stereotype were generally young2 educated artistic types. They viewed Den masters in much the same way that same segment o" the U$ population views televangelists. I was also obliHuely re"erencing others on the spiritual scene who are not connected with Den2 or who use Den as 'ust one piece o" their smorgasbord. ut I "ind it%s best not get too speci"ic. There%s no point in riling up the "ollowers o" some guru by citing him as an e#ample2 especially when the problem is so pervasive. It%s not really necessary to name anyone in particular.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T 7AB0 ). 2B 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

$)TUR-)(2 .)( 1F2 2012

$tu""

I%m stuc! here at a -ays Inn in &ytheville2 Jirginia a"ter my alternator belt bro!e 'ust outside o" land2 Jirginia 4yes2 it%s a real place6 on the way down to -urham2 3orth 1arolina to clear out a storage space I rent down there. I%m gonna type a blog post until the repair shop calls me. /ope"ully this will be short> The reason I have stu"" in storage in -urham is because a couple years ago2 I decided I had to leave 0os )ngeles. I was paying a lot o" rent on an apartment I wasn%t even living in hal" the year as I traveled around spreading the ?ood 3ews o" Den to the people o" the world. ut I wasn%t earning as much on these trips as I was paying to rent that place. $omething had to give. I%d heard good things about the RaleighI-urhamI1hapel /ill area and had a "ew "riends there. $o I decided I%d move to 1hapel /ill. I was about to leave "or two months in @urope. $o I pac!ed up everything and sent it to a storage space in -urham. Then I lived in other people%s houses2 apartments2 closets and "loorspace

"or nearly a year. )t the end o" that year I decided I didn%t want to move to 1hapel /ill. )"ter a brie" stint in roo!lyn2 I ended up living in )!ron. ut I didn%t intend to stay in )!ron "or the long haul. $o I 'ust le"t my stu"" in -urham. I used to sco"" at people who had storage spaces. I" you had so much stu"" that you needed to put some o" it in a place where you couldn%t even get to it2 then you had too much stu""> )nd now here I am having to deal with my own stu""... There%s an idea that a good uddhist should have no stu"" at all. $he should only own one bowl and two robes. $he should live o"" the good graces o" people who respond to her calling to the truth by supplying her with "ood and shelter. That%s a nice ideal. uddha%s original group o" mon!s and nuns were able2 it is said2 to live li!e that in 3orthern India 2+00 years ago. ut times have changed. I doubt many people could live li!e that in 3orthern India today let alone anywhere else in the world. I also have nagging doubts about uddha%s original mon!s actually having lived that way even bac! then. 8or one thing2 to =leave home= in those days meant going a "ew miles or less away "rom home. &hich meant you could leave your stu"" there i" you needed to. I%ll bet you a case o" doughnuts a lot o" mon!s and nuns did 'ust that. O" course2 some were probably very strict with themselves about this. I 'ust doubt that all o" them were. There are lots o" misconceptions about contemporary uddhist mon!s with regards to stu"". 8or e#ample2 one would thin! that a guy whose nic!name was =/omeless ,odo= probably owned nothing but his robes and a change o" underwear. In "act2 the word yadonashi (, homeless6 that was applied to ,odo $awa!i re"erred to the "act that he did not have his own home temple li!e most Den teachers. /e did2 in "act2 have a home to live in. &hat%s more2 his student ,osho Uchiyama complained that as ,odo%s attendant he was reHuired to lug mountains o" ,odo%s boo!s whenever ,odo went out on the road to lead retreats. /omeless ,odo had stu"". 0i!e ,odo2 most o" what I own is boo!s. It%s probably no shoc! that most writers are terrible boo! "anatics. I%ve got a ,indle and I can see the logic o" it. ut I%ll never get over my a""ection "or actual boo!s on real paper. &hich is un"ortunate because boo!s ta!e up lots o" space and they weigh a ton. They are made o" wood> @very uddhist mon!2 male or "emale2 that I%ve !nown has owned stu"". .ost o" them are "airly modest in terms o" what =normal= people own. ut they all have more than their begging bowls and their robes. .ost o" them2 in "act2 su""er "rom the same boo! collecting disease as I do. Though most o" them have =better= boo!s than me. I have lots more Three $tooges boo!s than any other mon! I !now. $tu"" is a burden and a responsibility. I wish I had less o" it. I understand that my inability to simply get rid o" things is a sign o" being too attached to them. ut it is much easier to espouse an ideal o" living simply than it is to actually throw

things away that you put a lot o" e""ort into acHuiring. I" you%ve tried it2 you%ll !now e#actly what I mean. This wee!end I have enlisted the help o" my good "riend 1atie who I have instructed to ignore my pleas when I tell her that I absolutely have to !eep certain things. I%m very luc!y to have a "riend li!e that. 9lus I%m giving her some o" my collectibles so she can sell them to pay "or her upcoming wedding in e#change "or this service. I always "eel unburdened whenever I can get rid o" things. )nd yet2 having things is not always bad. It is because some people held on to their stu"" and too! care o" it that we !now about our history. .y "riend *imi 4lead singer o" 0-8#6 is a pac! rat who collects all !inds o" stu"" related to 3ortheast Ohio roc! and roll history. /e%ll be e#hibiting some o" his stu"" soon in downtown )!ron 4I%ll have the details when I get them6. I%m very grate"ul "or his wor!. /istorians everywhere are grate"ul "or pac! rats li!e *imi. This includes uddhist historians. &e wouldn%t even have some o" our most important sutras i" it weren%t "or people who valued their personal stu"" and !ept it nice. There were times in history where uddhism was persecuted and most o" these precious materials were destroyed. )t the time2 those who had the "ew copies le"t may not have !nown their real value and may have been inclined to 'ust toss them away and go o"" wandering. I2 "or one2 am glad they didn%t. &hich isn%t to say that%s the same as me and my Three $tooges boo!s. It%s 'ust that to universally condemn the habit o" holding on to stu"" is a big misunderstanding. uddhism is always about doing what is better. It%s not about being austere "or the sa!e o" being austere as i" austerity itsel" were a virtue in its own right. 8or some2 giving up all possessions2 having no 'ob 4in the usual sense6 and living o"" the good graces o" others is "reeing. 8or some2 this would be intolerable. I%m one o" the latter. There is too much .idwestern wor! ethic instilled in me "or me to ever be com"ortable living that way. $o I wor! in the world and as a conseHuence o" that I have stu"". It%s a matter o" e#changing one sort o" burden "or another. I would not encourage )mericans2 1anadians and @uropeans N or in "act most )sians2 Indians2 )"ricans or Inuit N living in the 21st century to try to adopt the ideal li"estyle espoused by the earliest uddhists. It%s too hard to ma!e that sort o" thing wor! anywhere in the world these days. $ure2 it was not easy 2+00 years ago either. ut nowadays it%s damn near impossible. 9lus I don%t thin! it really helps others that much. In the society we live in today2 it%s important "or everyone to contribute economically. It%s O, to go o"" on a retreat "or a while2 maybe even "or a "ew years2 to get yoursel" together and suchli!e. ut I believe it%s also important to be part o" the regular world. ) retreat is 'ust that. It%s a retreat "rom the world. $ometimes it%s necessary and honorable to retreat. ut I don%t thin! we should live our entire lives in a state o" retreat "rom the world. /ey> They 'ust called about my car> /ooray>>> 4The photo I%ve chosen to illustrate this piece is 3OT my stu""2 by the way>6

In case you missed them last time2 here are the new Dero -e"e# videos

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3@& D@RO -@8@O JI-@O$>

/ere are two new videos by Dero -e"e# "or songs "rom our "orthcoming album =1aught in a Re"lection.= The album will be available on 1- at our shows atA .ay 2G2 2012 3ow That%s 1lass 121B -etroit )venue 1leveland2 O/ MM102 with ,iller o" $heep2 ?un 9arole and -ead 8ederation a record release party "or the album by 1leveland pun! legends The ?uns *une C2 2012 Old /aunt%s Tavern 1+27 @. .ar!et $t. )!ron2 O/ with The Julcani5ers

ARMAGEDDON This video "eatures dancers 1herry2 3ina 8u!u5ato and Dingara )more. The song was brought to the band by drummer .ic!ey =O:3elson= /urray and subseHuently pounded into shape by us. Rumor has it .ic! wrote the tune on piano> ) "irst "or Dero -e"e#> The video was shot in &adsworth2 Ohio at their public access cable "acility. I slaved over a hot laptop "or hours ma!ing all the weird psychedelic e""ects.

ANYMORE This song was brought to the group by guitarist *e"" =?houl= /ardy who also provided the "ine insight"ul lyrics. Jocalist *imi Imi' mostly edited the video although I got it started. ut I didn%t have the guts to cut it up as much as *imi did. The beginning and ending are "rom a one:o":a:!ind record *imi "ound at a thri"t shop. It was recorded at a school in &est Jirginia sometime in the 1FM0s. <<<

)nd don%t "orget to order your copy o" /ardcore Den $tri!es )gain "rom )ma5on today> Order si#> They%re low in polyunsaturated "at> I pity the "ool who don%t get enlightened>
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9age brea! by )uto9ager. 9age4 2 6.

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0oad9ages

/)R-1OR@ D@3 $TRI,@$ )?)I3>>

.y brand new e oo!2 /ardcore Den $tri!es )gain is out now> /ooray> (ou can get it at the "ollowing lin!A /ardcore Den $tri!es )gain I" you are in the U,2 you can order it "rom )ma5on U, hereA /ardcore Den $tri!es )gain I%m not sure why you have to order it "rom )ma5on U, to get it over there. .aybe they%ve added e#tra u%s to words li!e color and "lavor "or their version.

In ?ermany2 you can get it at this lin!A /ardcore Den $tri!es )gain

)s "ar as I !now it%s still in @nglish even i" you order it "rom )ma5on in ?ermany. Than!s to Oliver &underlich "or providing me the lin!. 8or the moment2 the boo! is available only as an electronic version and is being sold e#clusively through )ma5on. )"ter F0 days2 the eboo! will be available "rom other retailers. There will be a printed version as well. I%m still waiting to see and approve the galleys on that. )"ter the approval is done and it goes on sale2 I%ll let

you !now where you can order it. (ou should also be able to get the print version at stores2 but you may have to as! "or it. )gain2 I%ll let you !now once I !now.

The boo! itsel" is a collection o" articles I wrote "or the old $it -own and $hut Up website that I maintained "rom 2001 until maybe 200M or so. These are some o" my earliest writings about Den. They%re generally a lot snar!ier and more acerbic than my more recent postings. It will be interesting to see how some o" the people who li!e to say2 = rad was so much better be"ore2 he suc!s now= will "eel when they actually see some o" that old stu"" again. The boo! contains such gems as =Den is 9un!2= =Den is 3ot 9un!2= =The &hole Jegetarian Thing2= =0osing .y Religion2= =The $ource o" )ll Religion2= =@#plaining the Une#plainable= and many more blasts "rom the past. In addition2 I have written new introductions and a"terwords to each o" these pieces 4o" what?6 as well as a new introduction and a new a"terword "or the boo! itsel". /ow much more could you possibly want? ut wait> There%s more> There%s a spi""y cover by -avid 0. )ngstead that%s simply to die "or>

)lthough these pieces have previously appeared on the interwebs2 I too! them down ages ago. I" they%re still on line anywhere2 I don%t !now how to "ind them. 4)nd I really don%t need any clever:trousers putting lin!s to them in the comments section. Than! you>6 $o even i" you%ve read some o" this stu"" be"ore2 it%s not li!ely you%ve read it in the past eight years. 9lus the new intros and a"terwords tal! about how I "eel about what I said all those years ago2 and nobody%s read those be"ore anywhere.

$o go to )ma5on now and download your copy today>

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&hen (ou Reach 9ure )wareness (ou &ill /ave 3o 9roblems

.y name is rad and I subscribe to -eepa! 1hopra%s Twitter "eed. /i rad> I don%t even really =get= Twitter. I%m not sure 'ust what you%re supposed to do with it. The best stu"" I%ve seen there has been "unny one:liners li!e $hit .y -ad $ays or my "riend 9recious Jeal. $he%s a hoot> ) lot o" =spiritual= type guys are on Twitter these days throwing out little sound bytes o" spirituality. ut I doubt there%s anything truly worthwhile in the realm o" spiritual practice that can be reduced to 1M0 characters. O" course2 having said that I also have to mention that there is a tradition in Den o" so:called =turning words.= These are short phrases that2 when heard by 'ust the right person at 'ust the right time2 have a pro"ound e""ect. One such phrase that o"ten gets Huoted is2 =8rom birth to death it%s 'ust li!e this.= ) lot o" the !oans end with =turning words.= 8or me2 hearing the phrase ="orm is emptiness2 emptiness is "orm= really blew my head right o"" when I was about 1C years old. ut I seriously doubt that a Twitter "eed is the best way to disseminate =turning words.= It%s not li!e those ancient Den guys subscribed to a service that would sling random =turning words= at them "rom multiple sources o" varying Huality at a rate o" "our to si# an hour popping up on their cell phones among "art 'o!es "rom drive time -*s and news about 9aris /ilton%s latest ra5ilian wa# 'ob. It was a di""erent sort o" thing altogether. I%ve responded to a couple o" -eepa!%s tweets already. ut one came up last night that I thin! really needs to be addressed in detail. Right at the outset I want to emphasi5e that this is not about the man .r. -eepa! 1hopra himsel". It%s about what he tweeted. It%s not even about everything he tweets. It%s about this one speci"ic tweet. I don%t !now enough about .r. 1hopra to critici5e him as a human being or even as a brand. I !now he%s got a comic boo! series and a bunch o" TJ shows and even a video game. )s dubious as the spiritual applications o" these things seem to me2 I%m not even all that "ussed about them. I" someone wanted to ma!e a graphic novel or a video game out o" /ardcore Den2 I%d probably do it. $o this isn%t about that.

It%s about what .r. 1hopra says in his tweet. )nd what he says is thisA When you reach pure awareness you will have no problems, therefore there will be no need for solutions. 0et%s analy5e that "or a minute. When (in the future, not now) you (who e ist now and will continue to e ist in the future) reach (whatever you ima!ine to be) pure awareness you (who e ist now and will continue to e ist in the future) will have (in the future) no problems (for your self), therefore there will be (in the future, not now) no need for (you to have) solutions (and won"t that be wonderful, over there, past that hill, #ust out of si!ht, let me sell you a way to !et there). I" it were only -eepa! 1hopra who believed this2 it wouldn%t really matter much. ut this is how pretty much everyone approaches meditation practice and it%s why meditation practice seems to "ail those people. It is certainly how I mysel" thought o" practice "or a very long time. I wanted something "or mysel". I might have even thought o" what I wanted to get in terms o" =pure awareness.= I read enough shitty boo!s that used shitty phrases li!e that. There is no pure awareness "or you. That might sound harsh. ut really it%s not. &hat you are can never enter that place. ecauseyou are the sub'ect that sees things in terms o" ob'ects. *oshu $asa!i put it li!e this in his boo! Buddha is the $enter of %ravityP =The ?od that is standing in "ront o" you as an ob'ect says2 %I am your ?od.% ut he is not. @ven i" that ?od has great power2 he is not the real ?od.= 9ure awareness2 whatever that is2 or ?od 4my pre"erred term62 cannot be the ob'ect o" you2 cannot be the possession o" you2 it isn%t in your "uture2 it isn%t something you can ever possibly reach. It will not solve all o" your problems. It couldn%t even i" it wanted to. It%s a "antastic dream that can never come true. This doesn%t mean everything is blea! and horrible and hopeless. It 'ust means that approaching it in terms o" you and the things you want to get cannot possibly wor!. It can%t wor! precisely because thin!ing o" things in terms o" you and what you want to get is e#actly the thing that bloc!s it. The attitude e#pressed in .r. 1hopra%s tweet sits right at the very epicenter o" where things have gone wrong "or man!ind. It is the source o" all o" our troubles. The solution to what%s wrong in the world is not some distant dream o" pure awareness. It%s the understanding that what e#ists right now is pure awareness2 is ?od2 whether you !now it or not. We2 who see! to !now it and possess it2 are the very thing that ma!es it so hard to understand that.

) couple o" blogs ago ro!en (ogi made a comment that2 = rad is mi#ing categories. I can%t pole vault 1C "eet li!e a top Olympic athlete2 but I doubt that athlete would call me physically ill because I can%t do that... 0i!ewise2 I%m not enlightened2 but I%m not spiritually lame either.= In response I said something li!e2 =@nlightenment 4I hate that word6 isn%t li!e pole vaulting 1C "eet. It%s more li!e wal!ing to the bathroom2 i" we were to continue that analogy. .ost people2 instead o" wal!ing to the bathroom2 which 4let%s say6 'ust happens to be 1C "eet away instead try to pole vault to the bathroom. )nd they can%t do it because the ceiling is too low. (et they try anyway and !eep in'uring themselves. The pole !eeps brea!ing2 they !eep hitting their heads2 they !eep beating themselves up over not being able to do it2 and they still have to pee. The only thing an enlightened person 4I hate that term6 does di""erently is that she wal!s straight to the bathroom2 does her business and then goes bac! to bed.= @nlightenment or pure awareness or ?od or whatever isn%t some complicated thing we have to chase a"ter "ar2 "ar away. It%s the chasing itsel" that gets in our way. &e wear ourselves out running in circles to try to arrive at the place we already are.
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?oalless 9ractice

This is an e#cerpt "rom an interview conducted by *an ec!er at )gainst The $tream2 3oah 0evine%s place on .elrose )venue in 0os )ngeles. ?oalless practice is a !oan. )ll the thin!ing mind can do with the idea is create an endless "eedbac! loop. The goal o" the practice is to have no goal2 but =having no goal= is also a goal2 so how can I have a goal that%s no goal2 but how can I have goalless practice without !nowing that the goal o" practice is to be without a goal...? )nd on and on and on. Trust me2 !ids2 I%ve been down this loop a ba5illion times. There is no way out o" it. 3othing your rational brain can come up with can ever brea! out o" this bo#. The only solution is to step completely aside. )llow your goals to be as they are and press on. 0eave your goal see!ing mind yammering away the way it always does and 'ust sit with that.

$aying the rational brain can%t brea! the loop does not mean that you have to go into irrationality or become illogical. The goalless state is very rational in the sense that it is very orderly and serene. ut the rational part o" the brain cannot grasp it. That%s 'ust the way it is. )nyhow2 there%ll be more interviews li!e this coming soon.
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.1) RI9

I didn%t hear about )dam (auch 4a!a .1)6 o" the eastie oys% death until a day or maybe two a"ter it happened. ut I was really sorry to hear that he%d passed away. I hope he made it to whatever bardo he was aiming "or. 9ersonally2 i" I were a Tibetan uddhist2 I%d aim "or the ridgette ardo> )r> )r> )r>> The "act that )dam (auch was a uddhist is something that has been brought to my attention by well:meaning people "or years now. =-o you !now the guy "rom the eastie oys is a uddhist?= they%d say. (es. )s a matter o" "act2 I do. Than! you. 3ow that he was a uddhist instead o" isa uddhist2 I suppose I%ll !eep hearing it2 but phrased in past tense. &hich is "ine. I don%t mind. It%s 'ust !ind o" "unny what little uddhist "actoids get pointed out to me repeatedly.

I was never a huge eastie oys "an. I li!ed them. ut I never "ollowed their career or bought any o" their records e#cept "or the greatest hits compilation $ounds o" $cience. )nd even that I bought used years a"ter it came out. I was pretty e#cited2 though2 when they came out with their *apanese monster movie inspired video "or the song Intergalactic. I can even tell you where e#actly they got some o" the ideas. The scene where you see the monster%s "oot crash through a miniature building "rom the inside is "rom something Tsuburaya 9roductions did a lot beginning around the time o" the Ultraman Taro TJ series in 1F7B:7M. The octopus head monster appears to be inspired by @mperor ?uillotine "rom *ohnny $o!!o and /is 8lying Robot 4by Toei2 not Tsuburaya 9ro6. I was wor!ing "or Tsuburaya at the time the video came out and tried desperately to get our management to understand what that meant "or us and how we might capitali5e on it. ut to no avail. I !now that )dam (auch put his uddhist "aith in song in a tune called oddhisattva Jow. ut I never thought that was one o" their best. It was too sel":conscious and obvious "or me. 3ot that I thin! it%s a bad sentiment or anything. It 'ust lac!ed any subtlety and it wasn%t even a very catchy piece o" music. 8ight "or (our Right to 9arty was a lot more "un. &hen 8ight "or (our Right to 9arty came out I remember thin!ing2 =&ow> These guys stole the eastie oys% name>= ecause I was aware o" a 3(1 based hardcore band called the eastie oys "rom a couple years be"ore that. )t the time it didn%t occur to me that it could possibly be the same guys. &hat sel":respecting hardcore band would do a song li!e that? Then I "ound out it was the same guys and I got the idea that the song was a 'o!e. Once you !now that it%s hilarious. I don%t !now much about )dam (auch. ut it seems li!e he saw some o" the same things in pun!roc! that I did and saw the connections between pun! and uddhism. In that sense we shared something. )nd he was the bass player "or the eastie oys when they played their own instruments. ) little be"ore )dam (auch died2 /oward /utchings o" the ,ent2 Ohio band /yper )s /ell died. &e 4Dero -e"e#6 played a tribute show in his memory

last $aturday. /oward2 )dam (auch and I were all born the same year2 so it was a reminder to me that we all are gonna pass away one o" these days. ut 3ishi'ima Roshi said2 well into his C0s2 that he was always happy to wa!e up each morning one notice2 =&ow> I%m still alive>= 1rum the 1at always chec!s on me in the mornings to ma!e sure I%m still alive to "eed him by biting my toes.

In the comments section .att "rom /ouston said... radA the thing is that to a lot o" people a little younger than you2 .1) demonstrated very publicly that you could be a dope musician2 be irreverent2 use naughty words2 love pun! and hip hop and still be a committed uddhist "ocused on doing lots o" right in the world. I !now that that%s old news to you 4and2 to some e#tent2 the rad &arnerQ rand62 but it was a pretty important revelation to a lot o" us !ids. /e also demonstrated very publicly that you have no obligation to be the asshole you were when you were a 20:year:old asshole. I !now that without his e#ample my mind might not have opened to the -harma. $o there are a bunch o" us who owe the dude some gratitude...)3- T/)T%$ RIIIIIII?/T.
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1ra5y Train

8irst o""2 tonight .ay +2 20122 Dero -e"e# is playing at the $tone Tavern2 110 @. .ain $t2 ,ent2 Ohio. There are si# bands on the bill and the show starts at nine pm. $o go> )nonymous in the comments section o" my previous post saidA &he serious 'uestion then ( does bein! enli!htened !ive you any insi!ht ( from a theoretical perspective, not how to fi it ( or what mental illness is) *r more broadly, do eastern spiritual leaders have somethin! to say about this more than similar edicts about booze or se ) This is a very good Huestion. It%s also an important one because a lot o" people assume that an =enlightened= eastern spiritual master does have that !ind o" insight and are willing to "ollow their advise on the sub'ect. I can%t answer "or all spiritual masters. )nd I don%t want to get into what it might mean to =master= any given "orm o" spirituality. 3or do I even want to po!e at what the term =enlightened= means right now. ut still2 I can answer "or mysel" based on my e#perience. )nd I honestly "eel that my e#perience is universal "or others in my position. )nyway. &hat insight do I have into what mental illness is? I "eel li!e I understand what that thing we label =mental illness= is in ways that neither I nor anyone else could possibly understand without decades o" meditation. ut that doesn%t mean I !now how to treat it or cure it or even deal with it when it con"ronts me on the street. That is an entirely di""erent sort o" problem. One thing I understand is that the condition we call =normal= also probably ought to be labeled =mental illness.= )nd I e#pect that in the "uture this will become clear. 9eople will loo! bac! at us in the early 21st century and marvel at the "act that

almost the entire world was what they will call =mentally ill.= Though perhaps their term "or it will be di""erent. I "eel that when we call someone =mentally ill= all we%re really saying most o" the time is that the person in Huestion is unable to "unction in what we call =normal society.= O" course there are di""erent degrees o" this. I" a person%s inability to "unction creates a danger to society2 society has a right and duty to protect itsel" "rom that person. I" that person isn%t dangerous but is unable to loo! a"ter himsel"2 that%s another matter. There are millions o" degrees to the problem o" mental illness. ut at its core it%s still the same problem. One important thing to bear in mind is that none o" us can deal with =normal society= all the time. I !now I sure can%t. $ome people solve this problem by inventing sub:societies that protect them "rom the larger society2 yet still manage to "unction with it. ) monastery would be an e#ample o" one such place. It%s a place o" shelter "rom the wider more pervasive mental illness2 a place one hopes is a bit less mentally ill. ut even the best o" these still have their own sorts o" dys"unctions. &hen I was at Tassa'ara last year there was one day when I simply had to hide in my room "or about 2M hours because I could not deal with the relatively sane sub: society I had voluntarily committed mysel" to. I told people I was sic!. ut I wasn%t. This sort o" thing happens all the time. 3early everyone who goes to a monastery N even a good one N has this happen at some point. The easy answer that )nonymous is loo!ing "or is that all mental illness comes "rom a mista!en identi"ication o" the ego as one%s true and "undamental sel". ut that%s such a clichR I wonder i" it has any value at all anymore. e that as it may2 it%s true that nearly everyone identi"ies her ego as her true sel". ut I thin! most people2 whether they !now it or not2 have some basic intuition that this is not really the way it is. To the e#tent that they can put this "alse sense o" identity aside2 they can "unction with others and "orm a reasonable society. )n insight into the deeper origin o" mental illness doesn%t help a person be able to treat mental illness. This is because even i" I understand that you are stuc! in believing that your ego:structure is really you2 I do not !now the details o" the stories that you tell yoursel" and I do not !now the e#tent to which you are prepared to go to de"end the "alse reality you believe in. $ome people will !ill to de"end theirs. I li!e to stay well clear o" those people. One may2 in "act2 believe in their own ego:sel" so deeply that their belie" has caused the very chemical structure o" their brain and body to be altered to the e#tent that it%s impossible to "unction in =normal= society without the help o" chemicals. It may go so deep that one seems to have been born with this condition. Or that one seems to have had events in one%s past that "orced this upon the person. This doesn%t mean their past is unreal nor the bad things that were done to them were unreal in the conventional sense.

Remember you%re reading the words o" a uddhist who believes that even normal conventional notions o" what constitutes reality are "alse. That%s an important point. It%s the position a lot o" the supposedly more enlightened spiritual masters o"ten are too =enlightened= to really understand or convey clearly. )nd I am using the word =belie"= in a way most people don%t. There are aspects o" li"e that are related to what we commonly call =belie"= or =habit= that go much much deeper than the way we usually thin! belie" and habit operate. )lso2 we all have the same problem. The habit o" "alsely identi"ying with the ego sel" doesn%t simply vanish 'ust because you%ve noticed you%re doing it. 3oticing this habit is 'ust the "irst step. ut since most people don%t even get to this "irst step2 it%s a signi"icant one. $o yes2 "rom a theoretical perspective many eastern spiritual masters or leaders or whatever may have some insight into the origin o" mental illness. ut merely e#plaining what that insight is may be deeply problematic. ecause even mental health pro"essionals are mentally ill in the sense that they are what we "alsely call =normal.= They%re not2 by and large2 ready to even understand what these eastern spiritual guys are tal!ing about2 let alone put it into practice. They haven%t done enough meditation to be able to grasp what%s being tal!ed about. ut that%s O,. It%s their 'ob to try and deal with the concrete problems o" mental illness. It%s 'ust that when these "ol!s tal! about mind"ulness or even meditation many o" them don%t really get what they%re dealing with. 8or one thing2 they tend to seriously underestimate the real power o" this stu"". They o"ten seem to thin! it%s 'ust a way to ma!e you calm down a little.

/ere%s a photo to show you what I had to deal with while writing this. 1rum !nows he%s being obno#iously cute. I%m sure o" it.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T 7A+2 ). 10C 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

&@-3@$-)(2 .)( 022 2012

?uided y Joices?
First up. Here is a very nice review of the new audiobook edition of Hardcore Zen. Thanks, Punk Globe! But it s not all positives! !h no! Ge"po #oshi has lashed out a$ainst the audiobook in thisnew video% &lso, Zero 'efe( has been hard at work on a video shoot. Here s a still fro" what we did on )onday at *adsworth Hi$h +chool ,of all places-.

&e%ll be playing in ,ent2 Ohio this $aturday .ay +th2 2012 at the $tone Tavern 110 @. .ain $t. in ,ent. The show starts at F. &e go on later than that2 though. 1ome and see .ic! /urray%s head "loat through the air> I got an interesting email the other day that went li!e thisA + read ,ardcore -en when + was in colle!e about . years a!o, thou!ht it was pretty e cellent and then promptly for!ot about it. +n between my mind e ploded, + was dia!nosed with probably every ma#or mental illness that e isted and +"ve been dru!!ed to the !ills by people who think they are "helpin!". + heard voices and still do occasionally. &he only thin! besides a really incredible wife that has really helped me not put a bullet in my head is meditation and Buddhism, even thou!h + hate almost everyone and everythin! that surrounds it. After losin! my mind a few times, +

remembered readin! somewhere somethin! to the effect of /+ don"t understand why people that hear voices listen to them. +"d tell them to fuck off and !et a body/. And for a lon! time, + thou!ht, whoever this !uy is a total fuckin! asshole who has no idea what he"s talkin! about. +t"s about as funny as a dead baby #oke to someone who actually has a dead baby., +t"s bad advice, too. 0o a few days a!o +"m in a hippy(dippy used bookstore and + found your book and read it a!ain. And it resonated with me much more than it had . years a!o, it"s a fantastic book and it"s wonderful to hear someone else"s frustrations with the bullshit that surrounds Buddhism. And then + found the 'uote that had stuck with me so lon! ( in your book ( and it sort of reflected everythin! else about Buddhism ( that most people in these communities don"t know shit about mental illness, they"re #ust terrified of it and want to !et away from it. Why am + tellin! you this) 1ot to pin the blame on you over one fuckin! sentence in a book you wrote years a!o and not because + believe you are intentionally perpetuatin! this pre#udice. Because if you consider yourself a teacher, + want to tell you that statements like these, while funny and true, cut deep. &hey drive away people like me that need to know reality and need to know they aren"t alone at the same time that many mental(health practitioners are pushin! shitty dru!s and *rwellian doublespeak under the banner of mindfulness. This is how I repliedA + #ust recorded the audiobook version of ,ardcore -en and when + came to that line + wanted to chan!e it. &his was before + even read your email. But + left it in because + feel really stron!ly that people who chan!e works of art suck. 2ike %eor!e 2ucas did with 0tar Wars. 3!h4 &he reason + wanted to chan!e it is that +"m now a lot more aware of the realities of mental illness than + was in 5667. 0o + realize now that #oke is not really very !ood. *n the other hand, it"s an honest statement of what + thou!ht at the time. + feel like that"s often useful even when it"s wron!. 8oes that make sense) +f people are put off by that statement, maybe they should be. +t shows that + don"t have all the answers and people ou!ht to know that. Anyway, + know now it"s not as easy as what + wrote. + think + knew it at the time too. + think possibly what + was !ettin! at was the Buddhist notion that you have to learn not to believe your own bullshit. 1ot everyone hears actual disembodied voices. But everyone tells themselves thin!s 9 then believes those thin!s. We all need to learn to tell ourselves to fuck off. +"m really sorry the statement caused you trouble. +"m !lad you"re !ettin! better now. The issue o" meditation and mental illness is really comple#2 especially these days. Traditionally2 uddhists have almost always touted meditation as a better

treatment "or mental illness than the standard medical methods. 8or e#ample2 somewhere in $hobogen5o -ogen gives a list o" advice "or practitioners. One o" these is2 =-on%t ta!e medicine "or mental illness.= O" course the medicines prescribed "or mental illness in -ogen%s time 41Bth century 1@ *apan6 were not li!e the ones we have today. It%s hard to even imagine what he might have been re"erring to. 3or was mental illness understood in the way we understand it today. &hich isn%t to say we have a complete understanding o" it even now. ut I thin! it%s sa"e to say our understanding o" metal illness today is ob'ectively better than it was in -ogen%s time. @ven so2 these days a lot o" meditation teachers still insist that meditation is a better treatment "or mental illness than drugs. I tend to agree somewhat but only with some very signi"icant reservations. I thin! ultimately2 in the very long term2 i" one is e#tremely committed to meditation practice2 with an e#ceedingly patient and loyal teacher2 that meditation is probably a better way to go. ut I thin! it%s e#tremely rare "or all these conditions to come together. 8or e#ample2 I don%t thin! I could be patient enough to deal with a student who was seriously mentally ill no matter how dedicated he was. It also depends on the severity o" the illness in Huestion. These days medication "or mental illness is prescribed "or a lot o" people who really don%t need it. That%s a whole debate in itsel"2 which I%m not going to get into. There are a lot o" people who really need these medications 'ust to have any semblance o" a normal li"e. There are a lot o" people who might bene"it "rom meditation2 but who will not dedicate themselves to it enough "or it to be really e""ective. In the real world it isn%t always possible to establish ideal conditions. It%s !ind o" li!e dieting and e#ercise. I thin! it%s pretty clear that the best2 most natural2 least complicated way to slim down is through diet and e#ercise. ut it%s a very di""erent thing "or someone who is twenty pounds overweight than it is "or someone who is three:hundred pounds overweight. $omebody who weighs M+0 pounds might die be"ore diet and e#ercise could have a signi"icant e""ect N even though he can ta!e o"" twenty pounds through diet and e#ercise 'ust li!e a slimmer person. /e may there"ore need something more drastic. .editation and mental illness wor! something li!e that. ut this is still a very incomplete metaphor. <<<<< In case people don%t get the 'o!e with the video above2 I was re"erencing a series called )s! Roshi. (ou can "ind several e#amples on (ouTube. There%s one about The 0aw o" )ttractionin which ?enpo tries to draw in "ans o" The $ecret. There%s one on &hy &e $u""er in which ?enpo identi"ies himsel" on screen as a =Den .aster.= 0i!e I%ve said be"ore2 anyone who would use such a term e#cept as a 'o!e doesn%t have a single clue what Den is about. These videos each have well over 102000 views.

It%s really warped what the general public thin!s is signi"icant and serious in terms o" Den or meditation in general. I aim to spend the ne#t couple years doing some signi"icant damage to this bullshit.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T CA1+ ). FF 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

$)TUR-)(2 )9RI0 2C2 2012

?oing to 1ali"ornia
I%m now committed. On 8riday my "riend 9iroo52 director o" 0hopliftin! from American Apparel2 signed a lease "or an apartment in 0os )ngeles2 1ali"ornia that he and I will move into in *une2 2012. On that very same day N perhaps at the e#act same moment N I signed a contract with 3ew &orld 0ibrary to publish my ne#t boo! &here +s 1o %od And ,e +s :our $reator. This could come out as soon as $pring 201B or might be pushed bac! to 8all. &e%re not sure yet. In the meanwhile2 the audioboo! o" ,ardcore -en is on sale right now. *ust in case you%ve "orgotten. )nd a new e oo! collection called ,ardcore -en 0trikes A!ain will be out any minute now. I thin! they%re still wor!ing out some !in!s in "ormatting. I reali5ed I couldn%t do it mysel" so the "ine "ol!s at 1ooperative 9ress in 1leveland are handling that part. Up till now they%ve only done boo!s about !nitting. ut $hannon2 who runs the company2 is a "an o" my writing. $o this will be their "irst non:!nitting related title. ,ardcore -en 0trikes A!ain is a collection o" essays I wrote "or the old $it -own and $hut Up webpage. .any o" the articles I wrote "or that page ended up rewor!ed into chapters o",ardcore -en; <unk Rock, =onster =ovies and the &ruth About Reality. .any did not. Others were so thoroughly rewor!ed you wouldn%t recogni5e them. It is articles "rom the latter two categories that I chose "or ,ardcore -en 0trikes A!ain. I%ve also included a chapter that was cut out o" ,ardcore -en and an article I wrote "or a *apanese monster "an5ine consisting

mainly o" things I wrote about my wor! at Tsuburaya 9roductions that were also removed "rom ,ardcore -en. $o the boo! is sort o" li!e the bonus disc "or,ardcore -en. /ence the title. The essays are each accompanied by new introductions and a"terwords tal!ing about how my views on things have totally changed now and why the essays are shit. 3ot really. ut I am not nearly as loud in my writing as I was in 2001. I say pretty much the same stu""2 'ust in a di""erent way. Those o" you without ,indles or i9ads or 3oo!s need not "ret. There will be a print version as well. ut the print version will be produced in limited Huantities. &hether you%ll be able to "ind it in stores or not is still an open Huestion. 9robably you will. ?oing to 1ali"ornia is a big move "or me2 and2 in some ways a thoroughly stupid one. It%s stupid because I could have saved mysel" a lot o" hassle and 'ust stayed in 0os )ngeles. ut2 really2 things there at the time had become un:wor!able and I needed a change. It%s also stupid because I%m now ma!ing way less money than I was when I moved away and am going to a place where the rent is more than twice what I%m paying in )!ron. ut it%s also a good move because I li!ed living in 1ali"ornia. It%s sunny. It%s warm. It%s 0.).2 with all the weirdness that means. I%m going to try getting a teaching gig out there or maybe wor! in the "ilm industry. 9iroo5 has a company2 which is mainly 'ust him right now2 called $angha 8ilms. (ears and years be"ore I ever met 9iroo5 I had the notion that maybe there could be a uddhist sangha whose livelihood was supported by ma!ing movies. 0ots o" uddhist sanghas support themselves with commercial endeavors. $ome sanghas ma!e to"u2 some ba!e bread2 $an 8rancisco Den 1enter runs a lu#ury tourist resort 4Tassa'ara6. $o why not movies? I%m hoping to tal! 9iroo5 into moving in this direction with me. ut every time I say something about it he 'ust sort o" grunts noncommittally. &e%ll see. I envision it as

sort o" a Den version o" Troma 8ilms. 3ot in terms o" the gore and splatter. ut in terms o" the way Troma is "iercely independent2 !nows its audience thoroughly2 and ma!es its way in the world by producing movies that will never be big hits but always sell to its loyal core audience. 9iroo5 wants to ma!e a 5ombie movie ne#t. I%m trying to convince him to ma!e it a Den 5ombie movie. &e%ll see... @very choice a person ma!es in li"e a""ects their "uture in ways large and small2 "oreseeable and un"oreseeable. @ven a smile or a "rown can ma!e a huge di""erence. ut some decisions seem more momentous than others. $igning that boo! contract and committing to a huge move in the same day seem pretty momentous to me. To be honest2 I%m scared shitless. .aybe a year "rom now you%ll "ind me living in a cardboard bo# on Jenice each trying to sell 1-:Rs o" my audioboo! in order to buy burritos. ut maybe not. $ometimes you 'ust gotta ma!e a move.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T FAM1 ). 1GG 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

T/UR$-)(2 )9RI0 2G2 2012

The Three $tooges

On Tuesday night I watched the new Three $tooges movie directed by the 8arrelly rothers. I%ve been a big $tooges "an since I was a little !id and watched them on JO, 4Joice o" ,enya6 in 3airobi. It was the publication o" .oe /oward%s autobiography .oe /oward and the B $toogesA The 9ictorial iography o" the &ildest Trio in the /istory o" )merican @ntertainment that really sealed it "or me2 though. That boo! humani5ed the trio and I began to li!e them not 'ust because they were "unny2 but

"or the story o" who they were. $ince then I%ve read everything I could "ind about the $tooges including not one2 not two2 but three biographies o" 0arry 8ine2 the $tooge in the middle. 4One 8ine $toogeA 0arry 8ine%s 8ri55y 0i"e In 9ictures is the best2 by the way6. I attended a FAM0 showing at a multiple# on )!ron%s west side. I was the only one in the theater in which the $tooges "ilm was shown. That was pretty weird. I%ve been to a "ew showings at such multiple#es where very "ew people showed up. ut this was the "irst time I%d watched a movie in a theater completely alone. &ould they have shown it at all i" I hadn%t been in there? Is this a !oan? I li!ed the movie but I didn%t love it. I wanted to love it. ut I couldn%t. /ere%s what was good about the movie. 0arry -avid was terri"ic as $ister .ary:.engele2 a nun who bears the brunt o" most o" the $tooges outlandish behavior. )ll o" the actors who play the $tooges do a tremendous impressions o" the real guys2 particularly 1hris -iamantopoulos as .oe. /e really has the voice and the mannerisms down. )nd there were some genuine laugh:out:loud moments. I%m usually not the type who 0O0s at movies even when there%s an audience in the theater with me. ut I actually laughed aloud several times during my private screening. ut maybe I came to the "ilm with too many "anboy hopes. $ee2 i" I were to ma!e a Three $tooges movie2 I would recreate some o" the iconic $tooge moments. I%d have 1urly trap himsel" in a ma5e o" pipes while trying to "i# a lea!. I%d have .oe do the 3iagara 8alls routine. I%d have them do the mahara'a routine. I%d hire $amuel 0. *ac!son in a cameo to do -udley -ic!erson%s =This house has sho% gone cra5y= line. I%d get someone to say =/old hands you love birds.= I%d also put in some re"erences to $hemp2 *oe esser and 1urly *oe -eRita. There is one scene in the movie where a rat ma!es $hemp%s trademar! =@ep:eep:eep= sound. ut that%s as close as we get. .aybe I%d have them get a sandwich at -e Rita%s -elicatessen or have them meet a character who does *oe esser%s e""eminate mannerisms and ma!e something out o" how that would play in the 21st century. The 8arrelly rothers seem to understand that part o" the !ey to the $tooges% humor is all about the lower classes ma!ing "un o" the upper class. ut they never really ta!e it "ar enough. The representatives o" the upper classes are bad people because they%re plotting a murder. In the $tooges% "ilms the upper classes were always 'ust twits because they were twits. 3ot that the $tooges were intrinsically better. I thin! what I li!e best about the $tooges% "ilms is that in them everybody is an idiot2 even the main characters 4the $tooges6 you%re supposed to identi"y with. It%s "unny to see the $tooges portrayed as they were in the 1FB0s having to come to terms with contemporary )merican society N li!e having 1urly try to use an i9hone and .oe getting cast on The *ersey $hore. ut even these "eel a bit hal": hearted. &hy not do a whole movie about this? It%s never really e#plained why the $tooges alone dress2 tal! and act li!e people "rom the 1FB0s while everyone else e#ists in 2012. I !ept wondering i" these bits were le"t over "rom some unused version o" the script in which the Three $tooges time travel to our era.

)ll in all2 it%s a good movie2 but not a great one. )m I weird "or thin!ing there actually could be a great movie about The Three $tooges?

9O$T@-

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.O3-)(2 )9RI0 2B2 2012

-ogen $angha International 9ost .ortem

I%m going to !eep posting commercials until everyone in the world buys a copy o" the/ardcore Den audioboo!. This one came out pretty good. This was a surprise because I%m wor!ing with i.ovie2 which is a pain in the butt compared to 8inal 1ut. I used to use 8inal 1ut. ut now the program no longer wor!s so I%m stuc! with i.ovie. i.ove is made "or dad to edit out the parts where little .olly drools on the dog and then upload it to (ouTube and not much else. ending it to do what I%m doing ta!es a certain amount o" what "eels to me li!e "ooling the program into doing things it doesn%t want to do. e that as it may. I was tal!ing with Tim .c1arthy2 my "irst Den teacher2 yesterday about the demise o" -ogen $angha International 4-$I6 and about lineages in general. Tim pointed out that the )sian model "or passing on lineages in things li!e Den2 the martial arts2 tea ceremony and so on goes something li!e this. ) teacher will o"ten appoint several successors to whom he 4or she2 but I%ll use he "or now6 gives his blessing to teach as part o" his lineage. &hen the teacher wishes to retire or "eels he%s about to die2 he will o"ten single out one o" these successors to inherit whatever that teacher has established in the "orm o" a school. There may be property involved2 there might be money2 there might be a roster o" students2 teachers and other such members o" that school. In the case o" -$I2 the school was almost entirely conceptual. There was no property or money passed on to me and not even a list o" members. The only

property -$I may or may not have held were certain intellectual property items in the "orm o" the copyrights to certain o" 3ishi'ima%s written wor! in @nglish. I say =may or may not= because even this was never really made clear to me. /owever2 I had long believed that i" there was one thing all o" 3ishi'ima Roshi%s dharma heirs agreed upon it was that some one person or entity should ta!e charge o" 3ishi'ima Roshi%s written wor!. There has been a hell o" a lot o" bic!ering about 3ishi'ima Roshi%s written material in @nglish because he did not produce any o" it by himsel". /e always wor!ed with some native @nglish spea!er to turn his ideas into publishable @nglish. I had believed that all o" this had been settled. I was well aware that a number o" people were not entirely happy with the way it had been settled. ut I had believed at least they accepted things. &hen I published my last blog I "ound out immediately that this was not true. I" I "elt that 3ishi'ima Roshi%s written legacy in @nglish might disappear unless I entered into the "ray and "ought "or -$I to administer all o" this material2 I might be inclined to "ight about it. ut everything is available2 even i" there are several sources "or it. &hat matters is that it%s out there. $ince this is true it doesn%t seem important to me to spend any e""ort on consolidating things. &hat has happened in -$I regarding this material is precisely what always happens when people produce some !ind o" collaborative piece o" art without stipulating one single person or entity as the sole owner o" that thing. This is why "ilmma!ers these days are usually very meticulous about having everyone involved sign contracts speci"ically stating what sort o" compensation they will receive and what2 i" any2 rights o" ownership they%ll have over the "inished product. (ou don%t want some guy whose only role in Titanic was to go =)rrrrrggghhh>>= and "all o"" the ship to start saying he now owns the whole movie. There are currently no legal versions o" any o" the Ultraman programs made between 1FGG and 1F7M available outside o" *apan because o" problems o" this

nature. @ventually all the animosity involved in this tore the original Tsuburaya 9roductions apart. 3one o" the Tsuburaya "amily are involved in the company that now bears their name. $ome o" you who li!e to post in the comments section appear to believe that2 as "ar as spiritual organi5ations go2 this situation is uniHue to -ogen $angha. This is because -ogen $angha is "ar more open about our own shortcomings than anyone else in this business. &e don%t have pro"essional 9R people2 legal departments and so "orth to promote a "alse image o" solidarity li!e other spiritual organi5ations do. )nd trust me "ol!s2 they really do. @ven the ones headed by those beati"ically smiling "aces you see on all the covers o" the uddhist mags. @specially them> This is one o" the things I li!e about us. &e are honest and open to a "ault. It%s one o" the reasons -ogen $angha will never be as =success"ul= as those other spiritual organi5ations. ut in my way o" thin!ing this is the true success o" -ogen $angha. The issue o" the matter o" there being multiple successors with one person being singled out as a !ind o" special successor2 or head successor2 or whatever2 will always be a problem "or organi5ations li!e -ogen $angha. The &estern solution in many cases seems to be to either try to create some !ind o" legal "ramewor! around this process or to democrati5e it or both. That%s how we handle things. That%s how we arrogantly thin! things must be handled. ut uddhism isn%t li!e a government or a corporation. &hen you try to "orce it into that mold2 it brea!s. 0ots o" people will assure you this is not true. ut they%re mista!en. Typically when one person is singled out as some !ind o" special successor in cases li!e these2 the older members o" the group re"use to accept him2 those who 'oined around the same time as the newly appointed special successor may grudgingly agree to go along2 and those who 'oin a"ter the appointment has been made simply accept it. This is precisely what happened with -$I. I don%t have any interest in trying to convince 3ishi'ima Roshi%s older students to

accept me as their new dharma daddy. It%s li!e as!ing me to 'oin in a "ight over who gets to eat the last chic!en leg in the 1ol. $anders buc!et. I%m a vegetarian. I don%t care who eats it. I also have no desire to lead -ogen $angha International. It%s not "un. It doesn%t ma!e money. It doesn%t ma!e me a hit with the ladies. )nd worse than that it doesn%t even help spread the teachings o" -ogen. $o why do it? That%s a serious Huestion that I have put to a number o" people and I have never heard a single convincing answer. Once when I was having some trouble with my little band o" mis"it meditators in 0os )ngeles2 I went to see .el &eitsman o" the er!eley Den 1enter about it. )"ter listening to me whine "or a while2 he as!ed2 =&hat%s your bottom line with your group?= I had never thought about it li!e that. I said that my bottom line was2 =I sit 5a5en ever day. On $aturdays I invite other people to sit with me.= )nd that was it. That%s what was at the very bottom "or me. In that case i" someone were to come on $aturday and start ma!ing a lot o" "uss and noise2 they%d be inter"ering with my bottom line and I%d as! them to leave. I" they re"used to go2 I%d end the practice o" opening my place to strangers. )s "ar as -ogen $angha 4International or otherwise6 is concerned2 I "eel pretty much the same way. .y bottom line is that I sit and you can 'oin me i" you want. )nything that inter"eres with that needs to be stripped away. -ogen $angha International was inter"ering with that2 and now it%s gone.

SOMEONE SENT ME AN E-MAIL ABOUT THE SPANISH VERSION OF HARDCORE ZEN. I LOST YOUR E-MAIL. PLEASE SEND IT AGAIN IF YOU SEE THIS!
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T FAB7 ). 1+C 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

8RI-)(2 )9RI0 202 2012

-ogen $angha International is 3o .ore

In one o" my comments on the previous posting I said that I might dissolve -ogen $angha International but not 'ust yet. &ell2 I%ve thought about it some more and I%ve decided that now is the time to put the thing out o" its misery. )s o" today )pril 202 2012 at 7A00 9. @astern $tandard Time 4U$)62 -ogen $angha International is no more. )ny groups who wish to continue using the name -ogen $angha may do so. 3ot that you need my permission anyway. )nd that%s that. 9hew> I%ve wanted to do this "or a very long time. There%s really no reason to wait any longer. I%m not retiring my position as a mon! or discontinuing teaching Den or anything li!e that. I%m simply ending -ogen $angha International.
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&@-3@$-)(2 )9RI0 1C2 2012

etrayal o" the $pirit

I 'ust "inished reading etrayal o" the $piritA .y 0i"e behind the /eadlines o" the /are ,rishna .ovementby 3ori *. .uster. This in spite o" the "act that I have two Den related boo!s waiting patiently "or me to review them. One%s about /au!uin2 the other is about the /eart $utra. ut2 "ran!ly2 I%m more interested in what happened to the /are ,rishna movement. In a nutshell2 this boo! is the tale o" 3ori *. .uster who once went by the name 3andini and served as a !ey 9.R. person "or I$,1O3 4International $ociety "or ,rishna 1onsciousness6 during its most turbulent years2 the late 70s through the late C0s. This was the time "rom right a"ter "ounder ).1 ha!tivedanta $wami 9rabhupada%s death through the murders and violence depicted in the boo! .on!ey on a $tic!2 which covers the debacle o" 3ew Jrindaban2 the =/are ,rishna -isneyland= 4they really called it that6 in &est Jirginia. The /are ,rishna story in short is that a charismatic2 dedicated and sincere mon! named ).1. ha!tivedanta $wami 4the 9rabhupada part was added later6 came to )merican with something li!e E2.7+ in his poc!et and started a worldwide movement based on the ancient teachings he had studied and practiced throughout most o" his li"e. Then he died without clearly naming a successor. The members o" his movement have been "ighting about this ever since2 although things have settled down a lot in the past twenty years.

I can%t "ind the precise Huote because I borrowed the boo! "rom the library and didn%t want to mar! it up 4though I li!ed it so much I%ll be buying my own copy6. ut .uster Huotes someone who said that $rila 9rabhupada had two !inds o" authority. There was the institutional authority con"erred upon him by his spiritual master. This made him a mon! and a teacher. This type o" authority could conceivably be con"erred upon anyone who went through the necessary steps to receive it. The other type o" authority $rila 9rabhupada had was much more nebulous. It was a personal sort o" authority that came through his particular personality and the strength o" his commitment to his practice combined with all sorts o" accidents o" "ate such as his coming to )merica in 1FG+ 'ust when young people there were searching "or gurus. 3ot long be"ore he died2 9rabhupada named eleven men as having the power to initiate new disciples. @ach was responsible "or a di""erent territory. ut he was a bit vague as to whether these men were gurus li!e him or not. This has been a point o" contention ever since. e that as it may2 9rabhupada could only con"er institutional authority upon his disciples. /e couldn%t give them his charisma or his commitment to practice. )nd he sure couldn%t pass on to them the accidents o" "ate that made what he did possible. ) "ew o" the men among that group o" eleven were e#tremely charismatic but insane. ) "ew others lac!ed such charisma but were very sincere and tried their best to "ollow what 9raphupada had taught. ) couple o" those "ailed spectacularly in their e""orts2 thus sullying the movement even more. *ust two o" these eleven men remained in positions o" authority within I$,1O3 at the time .uster wrote her boo! 41FF76. This is all "ascinating to me because I "ind mysel" in much the same position as those eleven guys. There is a lot less at sta!e in -ogen $angha International 4-$I6. &e have no monetary assets at all2 no =9alace o" ?old= in &est Jirginia2 no one

selling our literature or our delicious coo!ies at airports. -ogen $angha International is not even registered as an entity with any government agency anywhere. -ogen $angha 0os )ngeles is. )nd I believe -ogen $angha ristol in @ngland may be. -ogen $angha 4minus the international6 in 1hiba2 *apan may also be. It%s possible others are legally registered in 8rance2 ?ermany and Israel. I%m not sure. ut i" they are2 they are 'ust local entities using that name. -$I has no worldwide meetings to decide policy2 no board o" governors2 no nothing. It%s 'ust a name2 really. 3ishi'ima Roshi con"erred a certain degree o" what we might call =institutional authority= upon a number o" his students2 me included. 0i!e $rila 9rabhupada2 3ishi'ima could not con"er his personal authority upon anyone. The word authority here is problematic. ut I%m using it here because I can%t come up with a better term. 3ishi'ima also named me as president o" -ogen $angha International. ut he never spelled out e#actly what that meant. It was e#tremely important to him2 though. )nd because it was so important to him I said =yes= even though I%m no clearer on what it means to be president o" something that doesn%t e#ist than anyone else is. I have resisted any attempts to ma!e -ogen $angha International anything more de"inite than it is. 4-ogen $angha 0os )ngeles2 is something entirely di""erent and I%m wor!ing toward establishing that as a religious non:pro"it corporation in the $tate o" 1ali"ornia. -$0) will have no authority over any other -ogen $angha branch.6 In my boo! Den &rapped in ,arma -ipped in 1hocolate I wrote about what happened when that appointment was made. It was remar!ably li!e what happened to the /are ,rishnas2 but without anyone being beheaded by a mad disciple. I%ve heard "rom do5ens o" people since that boo! came out telling me how things went precisely the same way in their ai!ido do'o when the master died2 or in their church when the pastor passed on and so "orth. It%s an incredibly common scenario.

It happened at the $an 8rancisco Den 1enter when $u5u!i Roshi died and2 to a lesser e#tent2 at some o" the temples ,atagiri Roshi established a"ter he died. 9aul2 9eter and *ames battled over whose interpretations o" 1hrist%s teachings were correct. It happened a"ter uddha died too2 according to $tephen atchelor in his boo! 1on"ession o" a uddhist )theist. atchelor believes that .aha ,ashyapa2 revered by many uddhists 4and pretty much all Den uddhists6 as ?autama uddha%s right"ul successor was more o" a guy with political savvy who pulled the ran!s together than someone who actually understood what uddha was on about. In "act2 uddha is on record as telling his "ollowers not to appoint a successor. )nd this will happen again2 many more times. $o why do guys li!e ?autama uddha2 $rila 9rabhupada2 3ishi'ima Roshi and so many others even attempt to set up these institutions? )re they so naive as to thin! that their institution alone won%t go through what every single other one li!e it has gone through as "ar bac! as the beginnings o" recorded human history? $ome o" them may be that naive. ut my guess is that most are not. ecause institutions also manage to preserve these teachings even in spite o" the power struggles and suchli!e that always ta!e place. &e !now what uddha taught 4or at least some appro#imation thereo"6 because o" the institution that wily old politician .aha ,ashyapa set up to preserve it. /ad uddha%s "ollowers actually ta!en his instructions not to appoint a successor to heart2 we probably wouldn%t !now very much about uddha today e#cept as a minor philosopher in ancient India. )nd there you have my dilemma regarding -ogen $angha International2 and why I am so wishy:washy as to what to do about it. )nswers on a postcard please.

<<<<

)nd now yet another commercial "or the new audioboo! edition o" /ardcore Den>

?@T IT /@R@>>
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.O3-)(2 )9RI0 1G2 2012

/ardcore Den )udioboo! 9art 2

(ep2 "ol!s2 the audioboo! version o" /ardcore Den is now available "rom the nice "ol!s at 1- aby> *ust "ollow the lin! below to get yours> httpAIIwww.cdbaby.comI)lbum-etails.asp#?)lbumI-Lbradwarner $ee what it did "or .elissa? /ere are a "ew more reasons to buy the audioboo!A S + have personally enhanced the audiobook4 3ow you don%t 'ust have to imagine what =-rop the ): omb On .e>= sounds li!e. (ou can hear it "or yoursel" in the conte#t o" the story> )nd that%s not all. There are plenty o" other groovy enhancements as well> S :ou may !et an email directly from me4 That%s because trac! TF is !ind o" screwed up. Until the replacement goes live2 I%ll be contacting everyone who buys the boo! and submits their email address to 1- aby to tell them where to get the "i#ed version. 4The current version isn%t horrible. It 'ust has one short segment in which you can hear two rad &arners reading instead o" only one.6 I" you got the audioboo! but didn%t hear "rom me about the lin!2 write me at spoo5illa;gmail.com.

S + !et way more percenta!e of the audiobook than + do from the plain old printed book4&isdom 9ublications gives me something li!e 1MU. $o when you buy the boo! "rom )ma5on or a similar discount site that nets me less than E1 per boo! a"ter all the other mystery items are subtracted. ut I get something li!e a 7+U royalty "rom each E10 audioboo!. ?ranted2 this is more o" a reason I want you to buy the audioboo! than any real advantage o" the audioboo! itsel"... S :ou !et to hear me read the book in my own voice4 3ot only do I have a super se#y voice. ut now you can "ind out what sort o" tone I intended. I thin! a lot o" people imagined I was screaming at them when they read that boo!. ut I wasn%t. I swear. )nd than!s to everyone who participated in "ilming the new commercial =.elissa%s 3ot a 0oser )nymore>= 4seen above6 last night. These are the participants in my wee!ly $unday night 5a5en thing at the )!ron $hambhala 1enter in 1uyahoga 8alls 4every $unday at 7pm>6. They were awesome and very patient. 3ow I need to get mysel" a tripod and thin! o" some more commercial ideas.
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8RI-)(2 )9RI0 1B2 2012

/)R-1OR@ D@3 )U-IO OO,>>

The /ardcore Den audioboo! has arrived> (ou can get it at 1- aby by "ollowing the lin! belowA httpAIIwww.cdbaby.comI)lbum-etails.asp#?)lbumI-Lbradwarner -on%t ris! damaging your eyes and your brain doing old:"ashioned style reading 'ust li!e your grandma did bac! during the ?old Rush while suc!ing down a sarsparilla> ?et with the times> -ownload the audioboo! li!e a real 21st 1entury citi5en.

9eople have been tal!ing about an audioboo! version o" /ardcore Den since 200B. ut nobody did anything. 0ast year $mog Jeil Records said they wanted to do it. $o I went to &isdom 9ublications and they said2 =3o. &e want to do it>= $o I waited around "or li!e si# months. )"ter hearing nothing2 I contacted &isdom and they were li!e2 =Oh we don%t want to do it anymore.= $o I told them than!s "or letting me !now and said I was gonna do it mysel" and now /@R@ IT I$> This is a real -I( piece o" wor!. ut "or all that2 it came out pretty good. That%s because the Huality you can get with cheap eHuipment at home is li!e twice as good as what you could get using a pro"essional studio twenty or even ten years ago. 9iroo5 ,aleyah2 director o"$hopli"ting "rom )merican )pparel2 donated a $nowball microphone made by a company called lue. I plugged that into my .ac oo!2 opened up ?arage and and started reading the boo!. I haven%t read /ardcore Den even silently to mysel" since be"ore it was published. The last time I read it all the way through was when I had to proo"read the "inal copy edited version 'ust be"ore it went to press. I%ve read bits and pieces o" it since then. ut not the whole boo!. I still have mi#ed "eelings about that boo!. It%s O,. It might even be good. ut it%s not the boo! I wanted it to be. I wanted /ardcore Den to be an e#ample o" what it was about. I wanted it to be a pun! roc! boo! about pun! roc!. )s it stands it%s sort o" a sel":help boo! about pun! roc!. )s a pun! roc! boo! about pun! roc! it would have been rougher2 less pro"essional2 and "ar less "ormulaic. It was intended to have digressive passages that 'ust wandered o"" into nowhere "or no discernible reason. I wanted it to meanderV I wanted readers to be li!e2 =what the "uc! 'ust happened?= Only one o" those digressions actually made the cut. In that particular digression2 I wanted to describe some o" the interesting things

that have come up "rom my practice. 3ishi'ima Roshi always said2 =&hen you do 5a5en2 you come bac! to your childhood.= This is really true. )t one point I !ept getting "looded with memories o" things that had happened very long ago. I started to understand that the way I had perceived and conceived o" the world when I was two or three years old was more correct than the way I had learned to perceive and conceive o" it as an adult. One o" those memories involved being in the bac! o" an old J& bug2 probably my grandmother%s. Those cars had this weird storage space right behind the bac! seat2 between the seat and the window. ) little tiny !id could "it in there. )nd my memory was o" being in there and loo!ing out at the s!y through the little oval bac! window. That space is so small there%s no way I could have been more than three years old. 9robably less. ut something about the way things had loo!ed to me that day came rushing bac! all at once. $o I wrote it down. ut instead o" telling the story in the "irst person2 I told it in second person 4i.e. =(ou are sitting in a J& bug= or whatever I said6. *osh arto!2 my editor2 really wanted to cut that out. ut I held "ast. /e cut out a lot o" other good stu"". ut I wasn%t going to let him ta!e that one away. $till2 he did move it to the end o" a chapter where its placement was a little more =user "riendly= and normal. )h well... .y version o" the boo! wouldn%t have sold nearly as well. $o it%s "ine. I also reali5ed2 while reading the boo! aloud2 why that boo! has sold so much better than my others. Recently I was told by somebody who is supposed to !now about such things that my boo!s would sell better i" they were more =prescriptive.= I was li!e2 =.ore what?= )pparently that means you have to give li"e lessons. 9eople love li"e lessons. This person told me that I should write out my stories o" things that happened to me and then "ollow those up with2 li!e2 a little capsule lesson to ta!e away "rom it. I

went to the library and too! out a bunch o" boo!s by the li!es o" -eepa! 1hoprah2 *oel Osteen and even our old buddy Thich 3aht /anh. 1hoprah and Osteen "ollow that "ormula to the letter. @very single chapter is set up e#actly li!e that. 8irst the story2 then the li"e lesson. They even put the thing y !"#$ %!&& %$' t ($)#n *# + thi% %t #y in big bold letters so you can%t possibly miss it. T3/%s boo!s don%t "ollow the "ormula Huite so closely2 but it%s in there with his writing as well. )s I read the boo! aloud I reali5ed that in editing my manuscript2 *osh arto! had done precisely the same thing. /e didn%t change too much o" what I wrote. /e 'ust moved the sentences and paragraphs around such that it went $tory2 0i"e 0esson2 $tory2 0i"e 0esson etc. It "ollows the *oel Osteen2 -eepa! 1hoprah "ormula very closely. This doesn%t ma!e it a bad boo!. It%s "ine. ut it ma!es it a lot li!e a pretty standard sel":help boo!. @#cept that it%s not really a sel":help boo! at all. It%s way more practical than anything Osteen or 1hoprah ever wrote2 and "ar more real. -eepa! 1hoprah and *oel Osteen can eat my shorts. )"ter they "inish polishing the .ercedeses and winding their Role#es. They%re rich2 but they suc!. I%m poor as shit2 but at least I don%t suc!. The only parts o" the boo! that made me sHuirmy were the little cheerleading style bits near the end. asically the entire epilogue !ind o" made me want to bar" a little bit. The boo! was meant to end with the story o" eating the tangerine. It was supposed to stop right there. ut instead2 I was encouraged to write that little cheerleader section that ends it. )nd I did. $o I can%t blame anyone else "or that. .aybe it%s O,. .aybe people need that !ind o" thing. )ll that being said2 I still "eel li!e it%s a worthy boo!. It%s a very polished2 re"ined version o" what I really wanted to say. The rough edges were sanded down and made pretty. ut it%s still mostly there. I didn%t change anything as I was reading. I "eel li!e it should stand as it actually is. I hated what ?eorge 0ucas did to the $tar &ars movies and I don%t even want to see

how he messed up T/O 11BC. Those movies should stand as what they actually were. )nd so should /ardcore Den. Den &rapped in ,arma -ipped in 1hocolate is still a "ar superior boo!. I%m not sure i" I could do an audioboo! o" that one2 though. It%s too intense. It%s too personal. I might try it sometime. I" I succeed2 I%ll let you !now.
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&@-3@$-)(2 )9RI0 112 2012

T/)3,$ 8OR (OUR $U99ORT>

I try to space these postings apart2 leaving at least two or three days between them2 so as not to wear people out. 0ast wee! I started uploading the new audioboo! version o" /ardcore Den 4see the cover to your le"t6. .y plan was "or the ne#t posting 4i.e. this one6 to be all about the audioboo!. I invested my own time and cash into this pro'ect2 so you%d best believe I%m going to be pushing it as hard as I can. )ll the haters who hate when I advertise anything 4cu5 that%s sooo not Den2 maaaaan62 get your hatred ready> UT it%s ta!ing "orever :: at least in these highly speeded up times we live in :: "or the thing to =go live= 4as we say in the audioboo! bi56. I screwed up a "ew things. 9lus the audioboo! itsel" is way bigger than an ordinary 1-. I made a 1- version

"or my "riend *imi and it too! up si# discs> I have no plans to press any 1-s o" the audioboo!2 by the way. I" anyone wants to suggest an economical way to ma!e some 1-s2 hit me up. Or a cheap way to put it out on a bo#ed set o" 1C record albums "or that matter. Otherwise2 it%ll 'ust be available as a download. I%ve even got two commercials "or the thing ready to go2 and I%m going to shoot a third one on $unday at the wee!ly 7 pm 5a5en thing I host at )!ron $hambhala 1enter 41BB 9ortage Trail $te 202 1uyahoga 8alls2 O/ MM2216. )las2 I have to !eep holding on to the posting in which I tell you the ama5ing story o" how I recorded the audioboo! and what I thin! o" /ardcore Den nine years a"ter it was published. ut I will tell you something else and that is... THAN, YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! That%s because I have been doing my ta#es today. .y annual income "or 2011 was not Huite as dire as I had "eared. &hich isn%t to say it was really great. ut it wasn%t so godaw"ul as I e#pected. &hen I loo!ed at my yearly boo! royalty statements o" E22F+1.0C "rom 3ew &orld 0ibrary "or three boo!s and EM21BB.FC "rom &isdom 9ublications "or /ardcore Den I was all li!e2 =*ee5. That%s what I earned last year?= ,ids2 do not become a writer i" you want to get rich. (es there are a hand"ul o" writers who are "ilthy rich. ut most o" us are barely getting by. )s most o" you !now2 I do not have a temple or a Den 1enter or any other such organi5ation that supports what I do Den:wise. The so:called =-ogen $angha= is basically 'ust a name. There are some "ol!s out in 1ali"ornia wor!ing towards ma!ing it more than that by incorporating it as a religious non:pro"it. ut at the moment it%s still basically 'ust a name. I thin! we%re established as an entity. ut we haven%t got the paperwor! that ma!es us a true non:pro"it that can accept donations yet.

/owever2 what I do have is a little 9ay9al donation button on this here blog 4it%s to your le"t WWW6. )nd I made more in donations last year than I did in boo! royalties. This is "iguring in the donations I received while on tour in @urope and )merica. ut still2 the stu"" coming in "rom that little button was not insigni"icant. $o than! you very much "or that. There are several people who send in a little bit each month and that really helps. )nd sometimes someone sends me a large donation2 which is always as nice as it is ba""ling. ecause it%s never someone I !now and it%s almost always someone "rom a "oreign country that I%ve never visited. I don%t really li!e the idea o" living on donations. I "eel li!e a person ought to wor! to earn his !eep. -onations seem li!e charity. ut on the other hand2 I don%t charge anything "or this blog. The ad revenue it generates is negligible. I" I were writing a column "or a maga5ine I%d be getting paid out o" what readers paid to buy the maga5ine. $o it !ind o" amounts to the same thing. Only the way I do this2 you get to cut out the middle men and send the money directly to the writer. $o I "igure these aren%t really donations in that sense. In my youth I was always disgusted by television evangelists begging "or cash contributions on their shows while surrounded by the most gaudy opulent sets imaginable. (ou could tell those guys were getting "ilthy rich by promising rewards in /eaven. ut all religious type people live on donations. (our contributions aren%t always going to buy "ancy houses and multiple .ercedes en5es. )nd there are some people out there who really don%t mind supporting some religious dude%s "ive:a:day lu#ury car habit. I don%t get that mysel". ut I !now they%re out there. I "eel li!e honesty is the deciding "actor. The $e# 9istols called their reunion tour the 8ilthy 0ucre Tour to speci"ically emphasi5e that it was "or the money. )nd yet you could see that they really en'oyed playing those songs again and that their

messages were still relevant. $o was it really 'ust about the money? It didn%t loo! that way to me. I%ve been highly critical o" certain "ilthy rich Den .asters not because they got rich. ?od bless %em "or that> I%ve been critical because they got rich by being dishonest2 by promising things they could not possibly deliver. y pretending that what they actually did deliver was something it was clearly not. @ven though I have no compunctions about getting paid "or doing wor!2 and even though I consider standing up on a stage tal!ing "or a "ew hours wor! 4it%s lots harder than it loo!s2 trust me62 I still get all creepy crawly "eeling when I hear someone at a uddhist temple I%ve spo!en at reminding the crowd about the merit o" =dana= :: uddhist generosity. I !now that speech is what%s going to pay my gas money bac! home and maybe even buy me a burrito or a veggie burger. ut it reminds me too much o" the old televangelist con game or o" some o" the crud I hear spewing "rom the mouths o" croo!ed phony Den .asters. $o I remain deeply con"licted about the whole thing. 3ishi'ima Roshi advised his ordained teachers never to try to ma!e a living out o" being uddhist teachers. I%ve been trying to !ind o" s!irt the issue by ma!ing my living as a writer. (es2 what I write about mostly is uddhism2 as well as about being a uddhist teacher. ut still2 it%s the writing I%m trying to live o"" o"2 not the teaching.

I dunno2 "ol!s. I 'ust don%t !now...

ut that being said2 T/)3, (OU )?)I3 8OR (OUR $U99ORT. )nd 1rum the 1at than!s you too>
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T FA20 ). CG 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

TU@$-)(2 )9RI0 0B2 2012

Da5en is a alance 9ose

$omeone wrote me thisA 0o + have a 'uestion relatin! to proper posture. + !raduated from massa!e therapy school about a year and a half a!o. +t"s tau!ht me to be much more aware of my body, more co!nizant of what"s !oin! on. Recently +"ve noticed some unhealthy thin!s !oin! on with my zazen and + was wonderin! if you could help me pick the lesser of two evils. + !enerally sit Burmese style on a crescent shaped zafu. &his has started to really make my knees and ankles hurt. 1ot the kind of hurt you !et from sittin! zazen for 76 minutes> the kind of hurt you !et when you"re startin! to dama!e a #oint. +t"s difficult for me to !et up and walk after sittin! like this. 0o +"ve been tryin! a seiza bench so that + can keep my knees on the !round. &his doesn"t hurt my knees or back too badly, but it makes my arms, wrists and hands very uncomfortable. +n Burmese posture + rest my hands in the cosmic mudra on

my lap. But on the bench + don"t really have a lap, #ust my thi!hs that an!le away from me toward the floor. &his causes my hands to be kinda pressed into my belly above my belt buckle. +t makes my shoulders rotate forward, puttin! undue stress on my rhomboids. At the end of a sittin! +"m 'uite sore from my upper back all the way down to my fin!ers. =y wrists pop loudly and end up very stiff. 0o +"m wonderin! what to do. + can sit on a hi!her bench, with my le!s crossed but my knees off the !round. &his will alleviate my upper back and arm pain since my hands can rest in my lap. *r + can sit on the bench, with my knees touchin! the !round, and put my hands on my thi!hs without makin! the mudra. +s one more desirable than the other) I answered thuslyA /mmmmmmm.... I always have a hard time with Huestions li!e these because I%ve never had these !inds o" di""iculties. The really crucial part o" the 5a5en posture is !eeping your spine straight :: that is2 upright. (ou%re not trying to ma!e it unnaturally po!er straight. It%s a balance pose in which the spine is balanced on the hips. I" you%ve done Tree 9ose in (oga2 that%s also a balance pose. ut you%re standing rather than sitting so it is very clear when you lose balance. In a seated balance pose2 you can lose balance and not "all over. $o2 I would say "ocus on that as your criteria. The "ull lotus posture is recommended because "or most people2 that%s the best way to achieve a seated balance pose. ut i" this doesn%t wor! "or you2 try ad'usting your posture with your main criteria being to !eep the spine balanced and erect. &hat happens with your legs and arms is less crucial. )lthough2 I do believe the standard pose allows "or energy to move through the body is a balanced way. $o I would try getting as close to that as possible.

O,? <<< This is an e#ample o" how I deal with speci"ic Huestions about posture when they are as!ed in a speci"ic way by speci"ic people. ?iving general posture advice is much tric!ier because you never !now who is reading you and how they%re going to ta!e it. ) lot o" the general advice I see handed out these days about meditation and posture seems to be trying really2 really2 really hard to ma!e it as user "riendly and easy as possible. ) lot o" this advice ma!es it seem li!e you can sit any way you want to and everything will be 'ust "ine. It%s very so"t and huggy and sweet. I%m never really sure what people are going "or when they present it this way. ) lot o" times it "eels to me li!e they%re 'ust trying to get butts in seats. The easier they ma!e meditation seem2 the more people will listen to them and this2 in turn2 ma!es their boo!s sell better and gets more people in the door at their retreats. ut not everyone who presents it in this way is so mercenary. I%ve also seen teachers who are concerned that students not in'ure themselves. 0i!e me2 they have no way o" !nowing who might be reading what they write or watching their (ouTube videos and suchli!e. There%s always the chance that someone out there in Internet 0and or oo! Reader 0and or wherever either has some serious issue with their !nees and legs or is 'ust so gung:ho they%re gonna "orce themselves into a posture they%re not ready "or. Rather than ris! encouraging such people to do themselves harm2 they tell them that sitting in chairs is also "ine. I struggle with this. I !now "or a "act and through my own personal e#perience that the traditional posture is critcal to 5a5en practice. I%ve also seen a number o" people who truly cannot get into that posture but want to do 5a5en anyway. In my e#perience2 these people always :: always :: "ind a way to either do what%s

necessary to prepare their bodies "or the correct posture or2 i" that%s not possible2 to "ind some reasonable compromise. &ill they get enlightened this way? eats me> ut I thin! some o" them will "ind what they%re loo!ing "or. They have as much chance o" that as anyone else. On the other hand2 i" they%re not so !een on 5a5en in the "irst place they 'ust give it up. Da5en practice reHuires a certain degree o" commitment. It%s 'ust li!e anything else worth doing. I try to deal with this the way I%d deal with someone who wanted instructions on how to play bass. I" they had all their "ingers2 I%d show them the standard method "or playing bass and tell them to practice a lot. I" they had 'ust one "inger on their le"t hand 4and they were right handed6 but they were very committed to playing bass in spite o" this2 I%d try to wor! with them to "ind a way to play. -'ango Reinhardt was a brilliant guitarist who could only use two o" the "ingers on his le"t hand. /e was committed and "ound a way. I"2 on the other hand2 I had a student who had all his "ingers but 'ust didn%t want to use them or to practice regularly2 I%d tell him to get another teacher. I might even tell him he%s not going to get very "ar with that attitude. .aybe that%s not what he wants to hear. .aybe he won%t li!e me "or saying that. ut hearing it might do him a bit o" good. I" I were writing a standard boo! on bass playing I would tend to pitch it "or people with all their "ingers who were willing to practice. I%d tell them their "ingers might hurt or even bleed a little at "irst2 but that this would go away with continued practice. I%d encourage them not to give up 'ust because it hurts at "irst. I%d tell them the pain was worthwhile. ecause it was "or me. I wouldn%t use up a lot o" space in that boo! dealing with the problems o" playing bass with one "inger. I would "igure that people with special needs li!e that would

"ind their own way to either ma!e what I wrote wor! "or them2 or "ind someone who could help them individually. This is how I "eel about 5a5en practice. I thin! that the vast ma'ority o" people can do the standard pose. $ome may need to wor! at it. Others can do it right away. ut there%s a reason that pose has been standard "or 22+00 years. It is not arbitrary. It is worth wor!ing at2 i" that%s what it ta!es. I don%t tell the general public it%s "ine to use chairs because I don%t thin! that helps anyone very much. It only encourages people who don%t want to bother with the traditional posture not to wor! at it. I "igure those who actually need to use chairs will "ind their own way 'ust li!e a guy who really wants to play bass but only has one "inger. I wor!ed at the posture. It hurt. ut it was worthwhile. I%m glad I put in the e""ort and I%m glad I had a teacher who pushed me to do so2 who saw that I could do the posture i" I tried.

)3- )?)I32 8OR )3(O3@ &/O 90)3$ TO (@00 )T .@ ) OUT 8U00 0OTU$ :: T/@R@ )R@ TR)-ITIO3)0 9O$TUR@$ OT/@R T/)3 T/@ 8U00 0OTU$2 $U1/ )$ /)08 0OTU$ )3- UR.@$@ $T(0@. $O &/@3 I T)0, ) OUT T/@ TR)-ITIO3)0 9O$TUR@ I ). 3OT T)0,I3? @O10U$IJ@0( ) OUT 8U00 0OTU$. 4$orry "or yelling2 but whenever I say anything about the traditional posture I get a do5en commenters screaming bloody murder about "ull lotus.6
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T 10AMG ). 1FF 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

.O3-)(2 )9RI0 022 2012

$piritual Tourism and $piritual *ournalism

I%m almost done with an e:boo! that will be titled ,ardcore -en 0trikes A!ain4 and will consist mainly o" articles I wrote bac! in the early 2000%s "or my "irst website. .ost o" these articles haven%t been available since around 200B when I too! them o"" the web in anticipation o" the release o" my boo! ,ardcore -en. I%ve added new introductions and a"terwords to each o" the articles as well as a new introduction and a"terword to the boo! as a whole. 9lus I%ve also included a chapter that was cut out o" ,ardcore -en and an article I wrote "or a maga5ine I%ll bet none o" you out there has ever even heard o". )nd there%ll be another new item soon too. 9eople started tal!ing about an audio boo! version o" ,ardcore -en almost as soon as the boo! was released. ut nobody ever did anything. )round a year and a hal" a go a small record label approached me with a concrete o""er to do the audio boo!. &hen I mentioned this to the publishers o" the printed boo!2 they were li!e2 =-on%t do it with them> &e%ll do an audio boo!>= O,2 said I2 let%s do it. Then I waited2 and waited2 and waited some more. )"ter about si# months o" this I as!ed the publishers what was going on. =&e don%t wanna do it anymore2= they said. Oh. O,. Than!s "or letting me !now2 I replied. $o I decided to do it mysel". .y "riend 9iroo5 ,aleyah2 director o" $hopli"ting "rom )merican )pparel2 gave me a microphone. I plugged it into my .ac oo!2 opened up ?arage and and started reading the boo! out loud. It%s a pretty -.I.(. thing2 but it sounds good. )lmost pro"essional>

I added some o" the actual music I tal! about in the te#t and a "ew other surprises to try to give a bit o" e#tra value to people who%ve already read the boo!. I%ll be plugging both o" these li!e mad here once they%re done. <<< O,. $o what about the sub'ect o" =spiritual tourism= and =spiritual 'ournalism= mentioned in the title o" this piece? The response my last blog posting got me started thin!ing about the di""erence between what I thin! o" as spiritual tourism and spiritual 'ournalism and actual uddhist practice. I need to be clear "rom the outsetA 0piritual tourism and #ournalism are not bad thin!s. In "act I appreciate them. @specially some o" the 'ournalism that%s being produced these days. ut I thin! a lot o" people are getting con"used and thin! that they%re the same thing as uddhist practice. Or they appear to thin! that uddhist practice in the 21st century ought to resemble spiritual tourism and 'ournalism more. $piritual tourism and 'ournalism both involve going out into the big wide world and sampling a little bit o" a lot o" di""erent types o" spiritual practices. In the case o" spiritual 'ournalism it%s essential to do this. ) person who wishes to write about a wide variety o" spiritual practices needs to !now about a wide variety o" spiritual practices. $he needs to read about them and to e#perience them. $he needs to !now the di""erences between them and the historical reasons "or those di""erences. In the case o" spiritual tourism2 it%s per"ectly acceptable to go around to various spiritual centers and suchli!e and see what%s out there. ut in doing either o" these activities2 it is impossible to get any real depth o" e#perience in any o" the the spiritual practices you sample. (ou cannot get deeply and "ully into a practice that ta!es decades to develop by ta!ing a wee!end retreat or a wee!:long retreat or a month:long retreat. (ou sure can%t get that by stopping

by "or the $aturday morning service a "ew times.

In my case2 I chose a di""erent path. ut this is !ind o" the way I li!e to do things. 8or e#ample2 ever since I was a little !id I wanted to go to *apan. &hen I became an adult I "igured it was at last possible "or me to really go there. ut I didn%t want to e#perience *apan as a tourist. I didn%t want to run over there and spend a wee! gaw!ing at the sights in various cities. I wanted to deeply e#perience *apan. )nd to do that I had to live there2 "ull time2 "or at least a year2 I "igured.

I "ound a way to do that by 'oining the *@T 4*apan @#change and Teaching6 program. )nd a"ter that Ireally immersed mysel" by getting a 'ob at Tsuburaya 9roductions2 a company one could argue is an important producer o" *apanese culture. I lived in a *apanese house2 married a *apanese woman2 and I spo!e and read *apanese every single day "or eleven years. It was about the *apanese:est *apan e#perience one could have. I too! this even "urther by limiting my *apan "ocus even more narrowly. In my decade:plus o" living in *apan I rarely le"t To!yo and its suburbs. I loved To!yo and wanted to thoroughly e#perience 'ust that one city. In order to do so2 I had to limit my e#perience o" the rest o" *apan. I visited Osa!a and ,yoto and $apporo and a "ew other cities. ut those were tourist e#cursions. I lived in To!yo. I%m not trying to say I%m a better person than someone who 'ust visits *apan2 or that I%m harder or tougher or whatever. ut I am saying that my e#perience o"

*apan was almost entirely di""erent "rom the !ind o" e#perience you get as a tourist. In terms o" uddhist practice2 you really need this !ind o" immersion. (ou have to pic! one teacher and stic! with that teacher "or a long time. In doing so2 you learn your teacher%s ways very thoroughly. ut you necessarily miss out on having what one might call a =well:rounded understanding= o" uddhism as a whole. I%ve ta!en some "la! "rom people who thin! it%s a terrible thing that I don%t !now much about uddhism beyond what I learned "rom my two teachers. )nd i" I were trying to be a spiritual 'ournalist2 maybe they%d have a point. ut I%m not. I reali5e that by writing a blog I tend to invite people to thin! o" me that way. I believe I%ve made it clear on a number o" occasions that I%m not a 'ournalist. ut I don%t e#pect every one to read every last bit o" writing I put up on the Interwebs. That doesn%t mean I have no right to tal! about the other things I see going on out there. It%s 'ust that my perspective is that o" a practitioner2 not that o" a 'ournalist. The "act that I have such a narrow "ocus in terms o" uddhism does not ma!e me uniHue at all. It ma!es me an oddity to those who mista!e me "or a spiritual 'ournalist. ut among uddhists2 it%s per"ectly normal. In "act2 when I go to places li!e Tassa'ara I see it even more clearly. ) student o" $an 8rancisco Den 1enter teacher 3orman 8ischer2 "or e#ample2 will o"ten be almost completely ignorant o" the teachings o" $an 8rancisco Den 1enter teachers $teve $tuc!ey or Reb )nderson. The "ocus is that narrow2 even though they o"ten live right ne#t to each other in the same gosh darned temple. This is very typical o" the way things are done in Den practice2 as well as in all other "orms o" uddhism. I%ve actually got a more well:rounded understanding o" uddhism than most uddhists I !now since I travel so much. I o"ten end up telling people at the Den centers I visit about how their practices di""er "rom what "ol!s do a couple towns away :: o"ten even when the temples in Huestion are in the very same lineage.

There is nothing wrong with being a 'ournalist or tourist who has had a tongue tip taste o" all the things on o""er "rom the vast smorgasbord o" spiritual practices available these days. It%s "ine. ut their bellies are so "ull a"ter all that sampling that they usually don%t have room to en'oy a "ull meal o" 'ust one dish. )nd that is a very di""erent e#perience.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T CA07 ). 1M0 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

R@0)T@- $@)R1/@$A

9age brea! by )uto9ager. 9age4 B 6.

&@-3@$-)(2 .)R1/ 2C2 2012

0oad9ages

&hy )ll $piritual Teachers Other Than .e2 3ishi'ima Roshi and -ogen $U1, )$$>>>>

.y 8aceboo! page gets all !inds o" goo"y ads "or 'ust about any vaguely =eastern spirituality= related thing that advertises on 8aceboo!. I o"ten wonder how 8 !nows to target me with these ads. It%s !ind o" scary. I certainly didn%t call .ar! Duc!erbeg and tell him I was into that stu"". The 8aceboo! "ol!s also seem to thin! I want to date younger women. ut that%s a whole other sub'ect. 0ately whenever something particularly silly appears on my page2 I ta!e a screen

shot o" it and post it with a comment. The other day I posted the ad you%re seeing now on this blog with the "ollowing commentA = ut can Reggie Ray help me stay in the )lpha state or can Omharmonics help me step more deeply into the river o" my li"e? )nd can either o" them get the gun! o"" my shoes?= This upset some o" the "ans o" Reggie Ray who subscribe to my 8 page. They thought I was dissing their dude. ut actually I had never even heard o" Reggie Ray be"ore this ad appeared. The only Reggie I !now o" is )rchie%s rival "rom the )rchie comic boo!s. .aybe he got all spiritual when he grew up.

I really do not "ollow the uddhist scene in )merica2 or anywhere else "or that matter. That seems to surprise people sometimes. ut I honestly have pretty much 5ero interest in who%s who in the land o" "amous spiritual masters. Occasionally when some dill weed starts advertising that he can get you enlightened "or more money than I%ve made in the past three years combined I might ta!e notice. ut generally I don%t care about any o" these people. $ome o" them are probably nice2 well meaning guys. Others are clearly in it "or the money. It%s li!e roc! and roll or movies o" any other "orm o" mass entertainment. .ost o" what ends up being big

is garbage calculated speci"ically to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Though on rare occasions something good brea!s through. $pirituality in 21st century )merica is one more "orm o" popular amusement. In any case2 I thought what I said was pretty clearly not a put down o" Reggie Ray. It was 'ust a comment on his ad and on the "act that it was paired with an ad "or Omharmonics in such a way that they seemed to be competing with each other. One o" my 8 "riends said I ought to attend one o" Reggie%s retreats because =he is a genuine dharma conduit.= .aybe so. ut I%m over that stu"". (ears ago I !ept hearing about this particular uddhist master who was supposed to be really great. $o I went and saw one o" his things. I was appalled. The guy was a master all right. ) master o" wor!ing the system. /e was playing his "ollowers li!e they were an accordion and he was &eird )l (an!ovic. I couldn%t get out o" there "ast enough. .aybe Reggie Ray isn%t li!e that. .aybe he really is great. I don%t !now and I%m not all that interested in "inding out. 3o disrespect to .r. Ray intended. It%s 'ust that I have a teacher. I don%t really "eel any great need to "ind someone else or to sample all the "lavors out there on the spiritual bu""et table. I%m 'ust not into that sort o" thing. One response I got to my 8 post was2 I thin!2 pretty typical o" what happens when I say absolutely anything about any other teacher. It went2 =I%m "orever grate"ul to you rad "or writing /ardcore Den. It brought me to the practise. ut you really seem close minded when it comes to any other teacher. Is it because o" your disli!e o" the "a!es out there that you%re s!eptical? Or is it something else?= It%s li!e what happened when I mentioned Thich 3aht /anh 4did I get the spelling right this time? I honestly tried>6 the other day. I !new that titling the article =Thich 3aht /anh is &rong= was bound to cause some consternation. ut read the article and you%ll see that it%s about a particular statement attributed to T3/ and the way that statement was ta!en out o" conte#t and presented. Un"ortunately2 little soundbytes li!e that seem to be the way most people approach uddhism or

spirituality in general these days. They%re too busy to go into uddhism or anything else in any !ind o" depth. $o they loo! at a couple o" Twitter postings and thin! they%ve got it down. e that as it may2 I do not thin! all other spiritual teachers suc! ass. On the other hand2 I%m generally not terribly impressed with most o" the people currently wor!ing in the area o" =commercial spiritual teacher= :: by that I mean spiritual teacher types who write boo!s2 who do lecture tours2 who get movies made about them etc. li!e me2 "or e#ample. There is a whole other class o" spiritual teacher who are entirely di""erent "rom =commercial spiritual teachers= who I 4generally6 respect a lot more. These are people who wor! mostly anonymously2 who nobody ever hears o"2 whose ne#t door neighbors don%t even !now what they do :: whose ne#t door neighbors are2 in "act2 many o" the people who say2 =There are no teachers near me> &hy can%t I 'ust do my Den training on line?= )nyway2 those anonymous people are almost always better than anyone you%ve ever heard o" who also does this =spiritual teacher= thing. The supposed superstars o" the spiritual world and most especially me :: though I%m a 1:list spiritual celebrity at best :: are no match "or most o" these anonymous humble teachers. The idea that people sell spirituality as a commodity bugs me. I don%t mind people who sell boo!s about spirituality. That%s "ine. Or boo!s about their own e#perience o" a practice. )lso great. ut what a lot o" these guys are selling is clearly not that. They advertise themselves as being able to grant you enlightenment2 reali5ation2 peace o" mind2 or whatever2 "or a price. ut they can%t do that. 3obody can do that. I" someone really could2 that would be great. ut you cannot buy that !ind o" thing. *ust li!e you can%t buy genuine love. @ven though you can buy a night with a very good prostitute2 some o" whom are adept at the =girl"riend e#perience= which means they can simulate genuine love. ut that costs you e#tra. )nd a lot o" what I see advertised sounds to me li!e a Den version

o" the =girl"riend e#perience.= That%s what ?enpo Roshi is selling with his personali5ed "ive:day retreats "or only "ive people in a lu#ury hotel. )lso the idea that we must not Huestion anyone as pure and lovely as Thich 3aht /anh or Reggie Ray or whoever worries me. &hen we lose our ability to be critical2 we%re stepping into a very dangerous area. &e%re no longer loo!ing at things in a balanced way. That%s when trouble begins.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T GA1M ). 1+2 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

8RI-)(2 .)R1/ 2B2 2012

*O/3 1)RT@R and /U3?@R ?).@$

I saw two movies this wee! and i" I blog about them I can 'usti"y writing o"" the tic!et prices 4and the nachos>6 on my ta#es. $o here goes. On &ednesday night I saw *O/3 1)RT@R. The one thing most people seem to !now about this movie is how badly it%s done at the bo# o""ice. It%s too bad that it%s "aring so poorly with the public. ecause it%s really not a bad movie. It "ails to be as epic as it wants to be. ut it%s good "un. .y "riend -ale2 who read all the @dgar Rice urroughs *ohn 1arter o" .ars boo!s when we were both in high school2 says the movie is very true to the novels.

)s a guy who writes boo!s I "eel li!e a little bit o" a traitor "or saying this. ut maybe they would have done better to deviate a bit more "rom the original story. &e !now a lot more about .ars now than urroughs !new F+ years ago. I" some o" that was ta!en into account perhaps the "ilm could have been more science "iction than what it seems li!e to us now2 a "antasy epic set in outer space. )lthough "antasy epics set in outer space do very well 4$tar &ars2 "or e#ample6. $o what do I !now? It%s impossible to say why people go "or the "ilms they go "or. I li!ed the "ilm and I%m glad I saw it on a big screen. It%s the !ind o" movie that I can%t imagine would be nearly as "un on a -J-. Though that%s probably where most people will end up seeing it.

0ast night I went out at midnight to see the "irst area screening o" /U3?@R ?).@$. This "ilm is based on aseries o" mega selling novels aimed at teenagers. )s I might have e#pected I was one o" about "ive people over 1C in that pac!ed theater last night. One aspect I personally "ind intriguing about the novels is that the paperbac! edition has a list price o" EC.FF and sells on )ma5on "or 'ust "ive buc!s. 4I li!e )ma5on2 but "ol!s2 support your local boo!sellers2 that e#tra EM helps your community6 Regular paperbac!s li!e mine list at closer to E1+. 9erhaps it%s because it%s a teen novel that it%s so much cheaper? ut the only teen novel I%ve ever bought2

(vonne 9rin5%s The Jinyl 9rincess2 lists "or E1G.FF in hardcover 4I don%t thin! there%s a paperbac! edition6. O,. &hatever. *ust a little aside there. /unger ?ames clearly has a lot more to say than *ohn 1arter. It%s a satire o" the contemporary )merican IdolI)merica%s 3e#t Top .odel etc. etc. type show set in a nightmare post:some:!ind:o":unde"ined:war:thing "uture in which the contestants have to !ill each other "or the cameras in order to win. The rich people in the big city en'oy the bloodsport at the e#pense o" the poor "ol!s who do the real wor! needed to support their lavish li"estyles. It%s all !ind o" surreal. ut it%s not hard to envision our own "uture ending up something li!e this. Though I doubt it will ever get Huite that bad. )t least I hope it won%t. -id the teenyboppers in the /ighland Theater in )!ron last night get that? It%s hard to say. I%m sure some o" them did. I%ll bet most o" them didn%t. ut a large percentage o" the audience seemed "amiliar with the boo!s. They laughed at lines that could only be "unny to people who%ve read them. I had to as! the person I went with2 who had read the boo!s2 to e#plain what was "unny about one o" the characters threatening to coo! her cat. The premise o" /unger ?ames is Huite clearly based on the *apanese "ilm attle Royale420006 starring = eat= Ta!eshi ,itano in which teenagers in a dystopian "uture also !ill each other "or the entertainment o" adults. It%s not a rema!e o" the *apanese movie. ut the in"luence is unmista!able. I hope the /ollywood people paid o"" the *apanese originators. Though the di""erences between the two "ilms are so great that maybe they didn%t have to. These !inds o" things are always very complicated. I%ve was involved in some o" this stu"" when I wor!ed "or Tsuburaya 9roductions. It usually comes down to whoever has the most power and money winning and has nothing much to do with any laws that might e#ist. )s "or any !ind o" Den perspective on these "ilms2 it%s hard to !now what to say. Thich 3hat /anh spea!s out a lot about "ilms and music that he thin!s poison our

minds. =&e 4writers6 do not have the right 'ust to e#press our own su""ering i" it brings su""ering to others2= he says. =8ilmma!ers2 musicians2 and writers need to practice Right $peech to help our society move again in the direction o" peace2 'oy2 and "aith in the "uture.= I have a hard time agreeing with this. I do thin! that there are "orms o" entertainment whose sole purpose appears to be to e#cite people in unhealthy ways and generate pro"its. ut almost every time I thin! I%ve come up with the per"ect e#ample o" this2 it turns out that either the ma!ers o" the thing had a higher purpose in mind than I%d imagined or that the "ans o" the thing got more out o" it than I ever would. I also thin! that many o" the "ilms2 boo!s and music that helped me get through my li"e :: particularly my adolescence :: would have probably been labeled =negative= by .r. /anh and his loyal "ollowers. I can imagine him recommending me to watch .ary 9oppins and listen to The 1arpenters instead o" reading 9hilip ,. -ic! and listening to the $e# 9istols. This would have ended up ma!ing me !ill mysel" since I would never have !nown there were others 'ust as dissatis"ied with li"e as I was. )t least that%s how I ta!e what he%s said on the sub'ect. )nd I%m certain I%m not alone in ta!ing it that way. In the case o" /unger ?ames2 there%s a lot o" violence and ugliness. ut that ugliness and violence appears to me to be intended to ma!e an important commentary on contemporary society. $o it%s valid and good. (ou couldn%t ma!e the points they wanted to ma!e without all the bloodshed. *ohn 1arter is more 'ust pure entertainment and spectacle. It%s not really trying to say anything at all. ut it%s unpretentious and honest in its aims. $o again2 I thin! that%s also valid and good. $orry Thich 3hat /anh "ans i" I%ve o""ended you again. I%m probably not allowed to do that either.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T CAM+ ). 102 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

TU@$-)(2 .)R1/ 202 2012

The .a"ia 9recepts

I%m starting to get over my 'et lag "rom my trip to 1ali"ornia last wee!. ut I thin! I lost some money when I changed my cash over "rom Ohio currency to 1ali"ornia dollars and then bac! again. &hen the cler! at the 0) airport%s 1urrency @#change handed my 1ali"ornia money over I told him that it loo!ed 'ust li!e Ohio money. ut he assured me the sophisticated natives o" the &est could tell the di""erence even i" rubes li!e me "rom Ohio could not. /e was really nice and help"ul2 so I gave him a big tip N in 1ali"ornia money2 o" course> &hen I got bac! home2 I received the "ollowing Huestion "rom someone who%d been at my tal! at )gainst The $tream. + have a 'uestion about somethin! you said durin! your talk. :ou #okin!ly mentioned contracts and mafia hit men, but then you said there was a possibility that a hit could be #ustified. +"m paraphrasin! but + understood it to mean that murder can be #ustified at times and +"m testin! my understandin!. +f that"s what you meant, how does that fall in line with the precepts) I was 'ust thin!ing out loud. O"ten when I give a tal! on the precepts I say that pretty much any 'ob you do can be done according to the precepts. I o"ten ma!e a 'o!e a"ter saying that about how perhaps the 'ob o" ma"ia hit man could not. It occurred to me as I said it this time that perhaps even ma"ia hit men have a role in society. They !ill other ma"ia guys. )nd the "ewer ma"ia guys there are2 the better. 9robably. Or maybe not. ecause it was the *apanese ma"ia2 the ya!u5a2 who were among the "irst to deliver aid to the people hardest hit by last year%s

earthHua!es in *apan. ?overnments :: especially the *apanese one :: move slowly and ine""iciently. The ya!u5a can move Huic!ly. &hat I%m getting at is that this !armic stu"" is very comple#. I thin! it%s a mista!e to imagine we !now what%s good in every instance. $ometimes things that appear to be evil really aren%t evil. $ometimes they really are evil. I" someone "ollowed the precepts2 it would be nearly impossible to be a ma"ia hit man2 I thin!. .aybe absolutely impossible. ut then I thin! about military people. I couldn%t do that 'ob mysel". ut I am very grate"ul that there still are people who can. Otherwise we%d live in a world o" total chaos. I wish that were not the case. )nd I thin! some day we won%t need militaries anymore. Though I thin! it will be "ar in the "uture. )nd in certain cases2 li!e *apan a"ter the earthHua!es2 organi5ed crime starts to "unction almost li!e the military when the military can%t do their 'obs. )nd much li!e hit men2 the 'ob o" most people who serve in the military is to be prepared to !ill other human beings and o"ten to actually !ill them when ordered to do so. Unli!e the military2 in which many uddhists serve2 I don%t imagine there are any precept:"ollowing ma"ia hit men. ut I also thin! it%s not a good idea to point at someone else and say2 =$he has bro!en the precepts.= ecause you don%t !now all the details. (ou mi!ht be able to say that in really obvious situations2 li!e when tal!ing about 3a5i concentration camp commandants. That one I can%t come up with any 'usti"ication "or at all. I" that one is li!e FF.FFFU certain 4I%d say 100U but I want to allow "or circumstances I can%t conceive o"<62 I%d rate ma"ia hit man as perhaps F7U certain. -epending on the hit in Huestion. .aybe he%s been called in to rub out a guy who !illed a do5en civilians and will certainly do it again unless he%s !illed "irst. There%s a small margin there o" uncertainty. )s a uddhist I don%t view people as discreet entities who e#ist over time. )t each individual moment we are something di""erent "rom what we were 'ust a moment be"ore. $ometimes a ma"ia hit man isn%t a ma"ia hit man. 9erhaps he%s a "ather out swimming with his !ids2 or a guy mowing his grandmother%s lawn. In moments li!e

these he%s upholding the precepts and should be honored "or doing so. I "eel li!e we should only apply the precepts to our own actions and not to the actions o" others. This is e#tremely important. I can see no good at all coming "rom pointing out that someone else isn%t upholding our ideas about the precepts. I !now this "irst hand because I%m o"ten accused o" violating the precepts2 especially the one that says we should not critici5e other uddhists. ut the intention o" this precept is to !eep the peace within the monastic community. It means I%m not supposed to start tal!ing shit about the guy who sits on the other side o" the 5endo. It%s not meant to shield people who abuse the good name o" uddhism to put "orth dangerous money:ma!ing scams. )ccusing me o" violating the precepts doesn%t really say anything. It%s an attempt to shame me into shutting up without really addressing the core issue. Instead it might be more e""ective to tell me why I%m wrong about these guys. ut very "ew have attempted that. In a wider sense I thin! that accusing others o" violating the precepts is always li!e that. It%s ine""ective and useless. I" you thin! you see that going on2 you might instead try to address the matter at hand directly and without resorting to shaming tactics that won%t wor! anyway. )s "or ma"ia hit men2 I generally try to stay out o" their way.

< This e#ception to the rule about concentration camp commandants was pointed out in the comments section by 0ubob.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T FA0G ). 7+ 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

$U3-)(2 .)R1/ 1C2 2012

)uthenticity in 0os )ngeles

I 'ust got bac! "rom 0os )ngeles and boy are my brains tired. I always "ind that shorter distances are more di""icult than longer ones when it comes to 'et lag. I can usually recover "rom a trip "rom 0) to To!yo2 with a time di""erence o" ten hours2 in a couple days. ut it always seems li!e it ta!es me a wee! to recover "rom the three hour time di""erence between Ohio and 1ali"ornia. $o I%m all spaced out right now. )nd2 o" course2 as soon as I leave Ohio2 the weather gets nice here. I thin! the temperatures were warmer on average in )!ron last wee! than they were in 0os )ngeles. I did two Den events while in 1ali"ornia2 one all:day 5a5en micro:retreat at the /ill $treet 1enter in $anta .onica and a tal! at )gainst The $tream2 3oah 0evine%s place in /ollywood. I also appeared on $uicide ?irls radio with hosts 3icole 9owers and -arrah -e *our. The other guests were two women who wor! at The -ominion2 an $K. club on Jenice lvd. in 0). $now .ercy was a tall dominant and ,o!o was a teeny little submissive. It was a pretty interesting chat.

&e also "ilmed some more o" the documentary they%re ma!ing about me. I%m determined that this will not be the standard type o" reverential "lu"":piece that usually comes out when people are doing documentaries about so:called =spiritual teachers.= $o I%ve been doing my best to try and trash any hint o" that. /ope"ully the "inished product will at least be "unny and entertaining. The photos on this post are stills "rom last wee!%s shoot. I thin! it%s really vital to destroy the image that has been built up o" what a =spiritual teacher= is supposed to be. I "eel li!e no good can possibly come o" the belie" in supposedly per"ected beings. They simply do not e#ist. On the other hand I have no doubt I%d be "ar more success"ul in the way that term is usually de"ined i" I 'ust played the role that%s e#pected o" someone in my position rather than constantly Huestioning it. I 'ust don%t see that as a way to do anyone any good. )nd not only that2 I wouldn%t en'oy it as much as I en'oy acting li!e an idiot in "ront o" a camera or an audience.

9eople in this @astern spirituality business o"ten tal! a lot about something they call =authenticity.= ut usually what they call authenticity seems to me more li!e "itting into a mold o" what someone else imagines authenticity ought to loo! li!e. I thin! it%s time someone tried being truly authentic "or a change. It%s more "un that way anyhow.
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T FAB2 ). G7 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

T/UR$-)(2 .)R1/ 0C2 2012

&ho is Thich 3aht /anh?

Two days ago I put up a piece here called =Thich 3aht /anh is &rong.= It was a deliberately provocative title. I said in the comments to that piece that the title was meant to as!2 =&ho is Thich 3aht /anh?= $omeone said that smelled li!e "resh bullshit to him. I%d li!e to as! that guy2 =Then who is Thich 3aht /anh?=

$ome "ol!s got upset that I was being disrespect"ul to a man who has dedicated his li"e to bring peace to the world. ut was I? I" I had any reason at all to believe that Thich 3aht /anh would ever see what I wrote2 then possibly. )lthough even then I%d say =disrespect"ul= was not the right word. ut let%s get real here. Thich 3aht /anh will never see what I wrote about him. $o who was I being disrespect"ul to? &ho is Thich 3aht /anh? ) "ew people got bent out o" shape that I said I believed that Thich 3aht /anh did not write his own Twitter posts. It turns out I was right. /e doesn%t. /is Twitter pro"ile says2 =.y twitter account is managed by senior students2 both monastic and non:monastic.= /e probably didn%t even write that> I%ve also been told by people who seem to !now what they%re tal!ing about that Thich 3aht /anh doesn%t write his own boo!s. /is tal!s are recorded and transcribed. Then senior students edit them into boo!s2 which Thich 3aht /anh approves be"ore publication. O" course the covers o" these boo!s simply say =by Thich 3aht /anh.= )s! anyone who writes "or a living what they thin! o" that sort o" thing and I guarantee they%ll get a little wran!led by the idea. &riting is hard wor!. 9eople who claim to be writers but don%t actually do the wor! annoy those o" us who really write our own stu"". It%s not a big deal. ut it ir!s me enough when I see this very common practice that I li!e to point it out. I would guess that about hal" o" the =authors= whose boo!s are shelved near mine at your local oo! arn =write= their boo!s in pretty much the same way. I don%t thin! it%s disrespect"ul to say this. I thin! it%s truth"ul. &ho is Thich 3aht /anh?

One commenter said2 = rad is a wannabe Den master who is envious o" the big boys in the uddhist world. It%s so obviousA /is passive:aggressive sleight:o":hand barbs at -alai and Thich betrays a desire to be the %bad boy o" uddhism%. ?row up2 rad.= @nvious o" the =big boys in the uddhist world?= .oi? 3ot really. Rather I am amused by the idea that there is a class o" people we can call =big boys in the uddhist world.= Dero -e"e#2 the hardcore band I play bass "or were not envious o" the =big boys in the roc! and roll world.= Rather2 we "ound them boring and wanted to provide an alternative. &hile we might have wanted to be a bit more popular than we were2 we certainly did not want to be among the =big boys.= That would have run completely counter to what we were trying to accomplish. 9art o" being an alternative to the big roc! bands involved staying small. I "eel pretty much the same way now about the =big boys in the uddhist world.= The idea that the =big boys in the uddhist world= are somehow Hualitatively better teachers than the less well:!nown ones is a very troubling notion to me. )nd I%m not tal!ing about mysel" as an e#ample o" one o" the less well:!nown teachers. I%m starting to "ear that my growing popularity is ma!ing me ine""ective as a teacher. The rise o" this new class o" .ega .asters troubles me. $uch teachers cannot possibly have direct contact with the massive numbers o" students who claim them as their teachers. I met some people once who tal!ed about "eeling some !ind o" magic mo'o when the -alai 0ama wal!ed by them thirty "eet away2 deep in a crowd o" "awning "ans2 surrounded by secret service guards. $uch "antasies are e#traordinarily damaging. It%s precisely the same !ind o" thing a "an "eels when he gets to be near a celebrity he admires. I !now I "elt it when I got to meet ?ene $immons o" ,I$$ in person. ut I didn%t add to that "eeling some !ind o" weird idea that my being in pro#imity to ?ene $immons conveyed some sort o" spiritual sha!tipat2 or that I got a big ol% D)9 o" pure Den energy or some such nonsense. &hen ?enpo Roshi charges suc!ers E+02000 to have personal contact with him you%d better believe he%s

implying that some o" his supposed enlightenment will rub o"" when they%re close. I%m not sure I want any part o" what rubs o"" o" ?enpo Roshi2 though> &hen I said in the comments that Thich 3aht /anh is no more a simple wandering mon! than ruce $pringsteen is a blue:collar wor!ing man2 some people pointed out that I have an image as well. &hy .r. /olmes2 your powers o" deductive reasoning are astonishing> O" course I have an image> $o do you. $o does everyone. &ho is Thich 3aht /anh? Is it you? Is it your ima!e o" Thich 3aht /anh that I%ve disrespected? I" so2 why does that bug you? Is it you that I%ve disrespected? &ho are you? These are important Huestions. $omeone in the comments section seemed worried that maybe I had some inside dirt on Thich 3aht /anh. /e as!ed2 =-o you !now o" Thay%s actions that bring him into disrepute?= The answer is no. I do not. )s "ar as I%m aware Thich 3aht /anh is a totally scandal:"ree guy. ut I don%t !now that much about him. $u""ice it to say2 I am not trying to imply that Thich 3aht /anh is a disreputable teacher who should not be trusted. /e seems li!e a decent guy. I li!e most o" the Huotes I see "rom his boo!s. @ven the Huote I critici5ed last time might be "ine in conte#t. It might be "ine as it is2 too. ut we all need to be care"ul how we ta!e things. @ven when someone says something 100U true2 sometimes you need to Huestion it. ecause your interpretation o" what was said may not be correct. It%s not the "ault o" the spea!er when his words are misconstrued. @verybody%s words are misconstrued. .isconstruing what we hear people say is what we human beings do. This is why we have to be care"ul. *ee52 there was even a commenter on my previous blog posting who thought I said

that /itler and 1harles .anson were enlightened beings> + never said that ,itler and $harles =anson were enli!htened bein!s. ut I can%t shut up "orever 'ust because some doo"us might misconstrue the things I say. )s ,atagiri Roshi pointed out2 =(ou have to say something.= )nd most o" the time what you say will be completely misunderstood. $o I stand by what I said be"ore. Thich 3aht /anh is wrong. ut who is Thich 3aht /anh?
9O$T@( R)- &)R3@R )T CA2+ ). BC0 1O..@3T$ 0I3,$ TO T/I$ 9O$T

TU@$-)(2 .)R1/ 0G2 2012

Thich 3aht /anh is &rong

I "ollow Thich 3hat /anh on Twitter. ut2 whereas I write my own Twitter posts2 I doubt that .r. /anh sits in "ront o" his .acboo! and types his out "or the world to see. .y guess is that some minion o" his scans his boo!s "or pithy statements that "it the Twitter mold and then uploads them. The Thichster probably never even sees them. I rarely see them either. ut yesterday this one popped upA =&hen you contemplate the big2 "ull sunrise2 the more mind"ul K concentrated you are2 the more the beauty o" the sunrise is revealed to you.= $o I Tweeted the "ollowing bac! at himA =;thichnhathanh $ounds to me li!e mind"ulness would get in the way o" the sunrise.=

I%ve said here a "ew times how much I hate the word =mind"ulness.= This Huote seems to embody everything I don%t li!e about that word. To be "air to .r. /anh2 there are many ways to ta!e this statement. There are a lot o" things he might have meant by it. 8or e#ample2 he might have meant it as a sort o" advertising "or meditation. (ardley )"tershave 0otion might tell you2 =(ou%ll get lots o" chic!s i" you douse yoursel" with (ardley= as an incentive to get you to buy more (ardley )"tershave 0otion. 9erhaps .r. /anh wants you to !now that you%ll appreciate the sunrise lots more i" you do meditation practice. &hich is "ine2 I guess. ut there%s another way to ta!e this statement. )nd I honestly believe it%s the way most people would ta!e it. They%d loo! at it and say2 =?osh. I%m not mind"ul enough. I%m not concentrated enough. ecause when I loo! at a sunrise2 I 'ust shade my eyes so that I can get through this tra""ic 'am on &est .ar!et $treet without running over any o" the !ids "rom Our 0ady o" the @lms. $unrises !ind o" annoy me. They give me a headache. I better get more concentrated and more mind"ul so that I can be more li!e Thich 3hat /anh and let the beauty o" the sunrise be revealed to me.= In other words2 the concept o" =mind"ulness= gets in the way o" the sunrise. It becomes a big obstacle between what we thin! o" as our sel" and what we thin! o" as the sunrise. )nd we ma!e our e""orts to try to overcome the obstacle we%ve placed in our own way. .ost o" the time I hear or read the word =mind"ulness= it sounds to me li!e an obstacle. 9retty much all o" our religions and our various sel":help practices are based on the idea that what we are right now is not good enough. &e then envision what =good enough= must be li!e and we ma!e e""orts to trans"orm what we are right now into this image o" ourselves as =good enough.= &e invent in our minds an imaginary =mind"ul me= and then try to ma!e ourselves into that. The problem with this !ind o" e""ort is right at its very root. &e are setting up a

habit o" always 'udging ourselves as being not whatever it is we want to be. &hether you%re poor and want to be rich or whether you%re dull and want to be mind"ul2 it%s pretty much the same thing. O" course we%d probably have a better world i" more people were ambitious to be mind"ul than were ambitious to be rich. 9robably. ut maybe not. ecause the e""ort to be something you%re not always seems to go wrong no matter what it is you want to be :: even i" you want to be super terri"ically nice. 9eople who are wor!ing on "ul"illing some image they have o" a =nice person= are usually a pain in the ass. Their e""orts to be li!e the =nice person= they%ve invented in their heads almost always get in the way o" actually doing what needs to be done. .ost o" the time I%d rather be around someone who is honestly sel"ish than someone who is "orever trying to be sel"less. The !ind o" "orced help"ulness such people engage in is almost never help"ul at all. It%s annoying. $ometimes it%s even harm"ul. ut those o" us who reali5e that we actually aren%t as good as we could be have a real dilemma. &hat do you do when you recogni5e that you really are greedy2 envious2 'ealous2 angry2 pessimistic and so on and on and on? To me2 it seems li!e the recognition o" such things is itsel" good enough. It%s not necessary to envision a better you and try to rema!e yoursel" in that image. *ust notice yoursel" being greedy and very simply stop being greedy. 3ot "or all time in all cases. *ust in whatever instance you discover yoursel" being greedy. I" you%re greedy on Tuesday "or more ice cream2 don%t envision a better you somewhere down the line who is never greedy "or more ice cream. *ust "orgo that last scoop o" ice cream right now. $ee how much better you "eel. This !ind o" action2 when repeated enough2 becomes a new habit. 9roblem solved. )s "ar as mind"ulness and concentration are concerned2 it wor!s the same way. )t the moment you notice yoursel" dri"ting o""2 come bac!. (ou might start dri"ting o"" again a nanosecond later. ut that%s O,. &hen you notice it again2 come bac! again. Repeat as necessary.

Trying to be more mind"ul and concentrated is 'ust gonna put you right bac! to where you were dri"ting away "rom the sunrise in the "irst place. <<< /ere%s an interview I did on -igression $essions. 1ompletely unrelated to the above article2 by the way.
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-avy *ones

I%ve never really gone public with this. ut I am a tremendous .on!ees gee!. It must have started early because that%s me at age si# or seven with a genuine .on!ees guitar :: which would be worth a "ortune now i" I still had it. )las I do not. ut I do have all o" The .on!ees% albums2 most o" them in the $uper -elu#e versions Rhino Records has been issuing "or the past "ew years. The .on!ees were a huge in"luence on me when I was ma!ing the -imentia 1B records.

0ong be"ore it was available on home video2 I went and saw a screening o" The .on!ees movie /@)- up in 1leveland. I was dumbstruc! by the "ilm%s theme song2 =The 9orpoise $ong= and annoyed that the record was2 in those days2 utterly impossible to "ind. $o I went home and attempted to rewrite the song "or mysel" "rom memory 'ust so I%d have it to listen to. )bout a year later I "inally managed to trac! down a record with =The 9orpoise $ong= on it. I discovered that my song2 =I )m a &hale= was similar in style to The .on!ees but was di""erent enough that I used it as the last trac! on the "irst -imentia 1B record. ) video I made o" the song is at the bottom o" this page. (ou can clic! on the words =The 9orpoise $ong= in the paragraph above i" you want to compare it to The .on!ees% tune. $o I was pretty sad to hear yesterday that -avy *ones had died. -avy wasn%t my "avorite .on!ee. /e always seemed to sing crummy syrupy ballads li!e The -ay &e 8all in 0ove or-ream &orld. ut he also sang lead on some o" their best songs2 li!e Jalerie and 1uddly Toy. /e also had the good taste to "eature 3eil (oung as the lead guitarist on his tune (ou )nd I"rom The .on!ees% late period album Instant Replay. It%s odd the way celebrity deaths a""ect you. I never met -avy *ones2 though I saw The .on!ees in concert a "ew times in the eighties. ut he was important in my li"e nonetheless. *ust a day be"ore -avy died there was a horrendous shooting at 1hardon /igh $chool2 'ust a "ew miles north o" where I live. ) maniac with a gun !illed three o" his "ellow students and wounded two others. It%s a tragic story that happens "ar too o"ten. It ma!es me sad and angry. I was one o" those !ids who hated everybody in my school too. ut I never shot anyone. These things ma!e no sense. 3or does the number o" handguns in )merica. ut don%t get me started on that one. I "eel li!e it%s probably more worthy to write a tribute to those !ids in 1hardon. ut I didn%t !now them. )nd in some ways I !inda sorta !new -avy *ones even i" he

didn%t !now me. esides that2 the news outlets here in 3@ Ohio seem to be doing tributes to those !ids 2MI7. $ome o" which are incredibly aw"ul. )t times li!e these people who are supposed to be spiritual teachers li!e to put some sort o" spin on the news that ties it in with their belie"s. I hate it when people do that. $o I%m not gonna launch into a sermon about impermanence or any such schloc!. I%m 'ust sad that -avy *ones is dead. )nd those !ids. )nd even that conservative blogger dude I never heard o" until he died.

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.y &riting 1ourse

$o I%m sitting here trying to thin! o" ways I can continue to buy 8ancy 8east "or 1rum the 1at. $everal people have proposed that I ought to start doing dokusan sessions online via $!ype and charge money "or them. ut that idea2 "ran!ly2 ma!es me want to vomit. 8okusan, "or those who may not !now2 is a private personal interview with a Den teacher2 usually conducted as part o" a sesshin or Den retreat. Though participants usually pay "or Den retreats2 and though some o" that money normally goes to the teacher2 it is not customary to charge speci"ically "or dokusan. esides which2 i" it%s not done in the conte#t o" a

retreat it isn%t really dokusan2 at least in my understanding o" what dokusan is supposed to be. I%ve been sending my resume out to colleges and universities who run writing programs to see i" they%ll hire me to teach creative writing. Then it occurred to me. -o I really need a university to hire me to do that? .aybe I could do that mysel" and eliminate the middle man. .y upstairs neighbor -ave teaches writing at the University o" )!ron. $o I went up there and as!ed i" I could borrow a syllabus "rom one o" his classes. I loo!ed it over and "igured I could adapt his strategy to an online course in creative writing to be taught by me. I%m thin!ing I could o""er a ten wee! course with M : G writing assignments that I would personally evaluate. $tudents would get the bene"it o" my e#perience as a pro"essional writer2 which is something I%ve been doing "or at least ten years be"ore /ardcore Den came out in 200B. I was writing all sorts o" stu"" "or Tsuburaya 9roductions. )nd be"ore that I wrote "or 5ines and science "iction mags. That%s li!e 20 years as a writer2 not even counting the comic boo!s and shitty poetry I wrote starting when I "irst learned to write. I couldn%t help get anyone published. I could tell you how I went about doing it. ut I have no connections that are going to wor! "or anyone else. I can show you how to ma!e your wor! publishable2 though. In order to ma!e this worth the time and headaches it would cost me2 I%d have to charge at least EB+0 per student. I may have to charge more2 in "act2 because it would be a whole big bunch o" wor! "or me. The going rate "or online writing courses appears to vary between EB00 and EC00. )lthough I haven%t been able to "ind any e#amples o" someone li!e me2 an independent published author2 o""ering such a course. I%m sure such e#amples must e#ist somewhere. I would imagine the prestige o" the writer in Huestion would determine the price. -oes anyone !now o" a writer who independently o""ers online writing courses?

$o the Huestion I%m as!ing all o" you nice "ol!s isA &ould you be interested in ta!ing such a course? I doubt that most o" the regular contributors to this blog%s comments section are going to want to do it. $o I%m hoping to hear "rom a "ew ordinary citi5ens. This page gets a thousand or more hits a day. $o I !now that it%s not 'ust those same "ive guys reading it. Remember 1rum the 1at is depending on you>
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The @nlighteni5er
8or those o" you who are not yet listening to the /ardcore Den 9odcast2 here%s a taste o" what you%re missingA

I" you want to hear more podcasts2 go to httpAIIhardcore5en.libsyn.comI and start listening today> I%ve been messing around with the i.ovie program on my .ac. I once had 8inal 1ut. ut the program I bought no longer wor!s on the machine I%m using. This i.ovie thing does a lot. )lthough there are a huge number o" counter:intuitive aspects to it. )nd the current i.ovie program is "ar more di""icult to use than the earlier versions o" i.ovie. I wrote this "irst as an audio commercial. .y "riend *ohn ?raves put it together. $teve Jelerio and a special mystery actor did the voices. Today I decided to put together a very Huic! cartoon based on the audio. It%s !ind o" crappy. ut it%s also !ind o" "unny. I%ve never drawn a bac!hoe be"ore today. The commercial is a parody o" ig .indX2 $edona .ethod2 .ind .aster and all the rest o" the ever growing number o" @nlightenment:in:a:bo# things that are

ra!ing in tons o" dough these days. I !now I go on and on about these things. ut somebody%s gotta do it. )nd I guess it%s gotta be me. I will be in 0os )ngeles in .arch. I" you want to come meditate and hang out with me2 here%s where you can goA .arch 102 2012 10 ). until BAB0 9. /ill $treet 1enter 2B7 /ill $t. $anta .onica2 1) F0M0+ This is -ogen $angha 0)%s monthly all:day 5a5en get:together. This one will be e#tra super special because they%ll be "ilming part o" the documentary movie they%re ma!ing about li%l ol% me. 1ome and be a $T)R>> I" you can%t do the whole day come 'ust "or the morning or show up at around 12AB0 and do 'ust the a"ternoon. The "ilming will be in the a"ternoon. .arch 1+2 2012 7AB0 9. : FA00 9. )gainst the $tream MB00 .elrose )venue 0os )ngeles2 1) F002F This is the regular Thursday night )gainst The $tream meeting. I%ll lead it 5a5en: style rather than doing the usual guided meditation. /ere are a "ew other i.ovie e#periments I%ve made lately.

This is the latest commercial "or -ave .aterna%s presidential bid.

This is a cover o" the $e# 9istols =9retty Jacant= done up psychedelic style. I once

had the idea to do a whole album%s worth o" psychedelic covers o" pun! roc! classics. ut I only got as "ar as this one. That%s not me singing. ut I wrote the arrangement and played the guitars2 bass and mellotron.

This one%s a video "or the "irst song on the "irst -imentia 1B record. That%s me playing and singing everything. I was 21 years old. This is about what I imagined $atori would be.

This was a song I contributed to a "le#idisc given away with a ritish neo: psychedelic maga5ine called 8rea! eat.

)nd this is a song o" mine "rom probably the late eighties that I "ound while trolling through things I hadn%t listened to in a long time.
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&hat I Really -o

(ou must have seen a do5en o" these =&hat I Really -o= things by now. $ome o" them are !ind o" "unny. .ost are !ind o" dull. I thought I%d do one "or mysel" be"ore somebody else did. 1lic! on it and you should get the "ull si5ed version. I" you%ve

never seen one o" these K want to !now what they are2 'ust enter =&hat I Really -o .eme= into your "avorite search engine. $o I 'ust "ound out this blog gets over 102000 views a wee! and over 72000 visits. I%m not sure what di""erentiates a visit "rom a view. ut that%s a lot o" people. &here are my ?empo Roshi:li!e piles o" cash? @h. &hatever. I%m !ind o" all Denned out at the moment. I%ve been answering loads o" Huestions as Tricycle maga5ine%s .editation -octor. I" you want to read some o" that stu"" go to this lin!. It%s interesting that it all !ind o" boils down to 'ust one Huestion and 'ust one answer. $ome ancient Den teachers noticed this and responded the same way to everyone who as!ed. 0i!e ?utei2 who would 'ust raise one "inger whenever someone as!ed him anything. I get that. ut somehow I don%t thin! Tricycle%s readers would be satis"ied i" I 'ust !ept "lipping them the bird. Uh oh> The latest Huestion is "rom someone who says they%ve been =e#periencing deep2 absorptive states.= 3ot sure what I%m gonna do about that. I guess we%ll see once I start writing my answer. I thin! ounty is the Huic!er:pic!er:upper "or deep absorptive states> I !id> I !id> /ey> -on%t "orget to tip your bar tenders. I%ll be here all wee!. e sure to try the vegetarian imitation veal.
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?oodbye 8uc! (ou ob

I heard last night that 8uc! (ou ob was dead and it made me sad. The Record 9ub website put up this obituaryabout ob. The ,ent 9atch put up an article about his memorial service. )nd 3ic! Roc! put together this video tribute to him. ob%s "riends are ma!ing an e""ort to put the proper spin on his li"e as an artist and his contributions to the town as a philosopher and intellectual. I appreciate that. I thin! it%s a good thing. ut the tribute:ma!ers seem to want to avoid the one thing that most people remember best about ob. )nd that is the "act that ob &ood wal!ed around ,ent2 Ohio "or decades telling people to "uc! o"". I "irst encountered ob when I was a "reshman at ,ent $tate University. I was sitting in one o" the big lecture halls one night to see a movie. It was some sort o" indie artsy "ilm. .aybe@raserhead or something along those lines. I don%t remember the movie at all2 though. &hat I remember is 8uc! (ou ob. I was there with .ic! /urray2 the drummer o" Dero -e"e#. ob was directly in "ront o" us. )nd he !ept giving us the "inger. /e never turned around. /e never said anything. /e 'ust "lipped us the bird over and over. )nd he was doing it in a really weird way. /e !ept turning his hands at di""erent angles 4he was giving it to us with

both hands6 so as to ma!e certain we got his message. &e thought this was hilarious. $o we gave him the "inger bac!. I%m not sure i" he saw this2 though. 0i!e I said2 he never turned around. &e weren%t angry or o""ended at all. It was much too weird "or that. Throughout my time as a student at ,ent $tate I saw 8uc! (ou ob around town. /e had a load o" bi5arre behaviors. 8or e#ample2 I once saw him wal!ing down the middle o" a busy street. @very time a car would come by2 he%d 'ump up on the sidewal! and wait "or it to pass. Then he%d get bac! into the road and continue wal!ing. $everal years a"ter this I moved bac! to ,ent a"ter living in 1hicago "or a while. I was wal!ing down 8ran!lin )venue "rom downtown toward the ,ent Dendo2 where I lived. I saw 8uc! (ou ob coming my way. I wondered what he was going to do. /e didn%t say anything as he passed me2 didn%t even give me the "inger. )nd I "ound mysel" being a little o""ended at this. /e said ="uc! you= to everyone else in town. /e%d even said ="uc! you= to me on more than one occasion. &as he snubbing me now? &hat did I do to him? ut a couple seconds a"ter he passed I heard him say2 =$uc! my dic!.= )nd you !now what? I "elt good. I%m not even 'o!ing. I still remember how nice I "elt to have been told by 8uc! (ou ob to suc! his dic!. I" he hadn%t said anything to me that day I%d probably still "eel I%d been slighted. I never encountered 8uc! (ou ob again a"ter that day. ut I remember being in *apan and hearing "rom "riends bac! home that ob had gotten better. /e was getting his art e#hibited around town. /e was studying "or his .aster%s degree. )nd shoc!ingly2 he wasn%t saying ="uc! you= Huite as o"ten anymore. Though I was relieved to hear that he still did it sometimes. ob had a lot o" what most people thin! o" as =mental diseases.= ) lot o" people said he had Tourette%s $yndrome. ut I never heard o" anyone having o""icially made

that diagnosis. $till2 he was an odd character. I always wondered i" his habit o" telling people to "uc! o"" ever got him in real trouble. ,ent $tate University is not one o" those schools that attract the best and the brightest this nation has to o""er. /ec!2 I even went there> One o" these days I%ll tell you about my "irst roommate. ?od that guy was as dumb as a bo# o" putty. I" 8uc! (ou ob was "lipping the bird to guys li!e that2 especially when they were drun!2 which they always were2 he was surely getting the crud beat out o" him on a regular basis. I hope he was at least targeting wimps li!e me who weren%t li!ely to get very mad at him. The concept o" mental disease is an interesting one. &e !now enough about the proper "unctioning o" the !idneys or the bladder or the spleen to be able to diagnose when they%re wor!ing incorrectly. ut when it comes to the brain2 things get a bit mur!ier. Ta!e someone li!e ob. In many ways it would be easy to dismiss him as cra5y. ut "rom what I can tell and "rom what I%ve heard he lived pretty much the li"e he wanted to live. /e was by all accounts a very intelligent and even !ind person. /e probably had no desire at all to "it in with regular society. )nd he didn%t. I admire him "or "inding a way to live his li"e on his own terms. /e was also2 "rom what I%ve heard2 !ind o" a pain in the ass to people who !new him. I don%t !now the details. ut I can guess. I mean2 "or gosh sa!es he was saying ="uc! you= to everybody in town all the time. That alone is hard to deal with. One o" the things Den has helped me with is my own tendency to be a sort o" 8uc! (ou ob type character. .y di""iculties in dealing with society are not as deep seated as his were. ut I too have some serious problems reconciling what I !now to be true with the bullshit most people seem to believe. I could have easily gone in a direction that would have ended me up in much the same shape as ob. The Den thing helped me be able to laugh at the collective illusions society shares and yet still play the game well enough to get by.

This is why I get so annoyed when some people try to turn Den into what most religions these days have become2 a way to placate people so they%re numb enough to "unction as cogs in the social machine. It%s not about that. To me it%s about "inding your inner 8uc! (ou ob and ma!ing peace with that. ut without !illing it o"" or bo#ing it up either. That%s also important. I%ll miss 8uc! (ou ob. I wish I could%ve met him 'ust once and sat down and told him how much it meant to me when he told me to suc! his dic!. I really wonder what he%d have said. .aybe he%d have told me to "uc! o"".
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1)T D@3

I%m pretty happy with my li"e in most respects. I wish I could a""ord an @lectro /armoni# Ravish $itar pedal and an Italia Rimini 12 $tring @lectric ?uitar. ut then again2 where would I put them? esides material possessions are always a burden. )nd the cause o" all su""ering is desire "or guitar eHuipment2 right? I%ve still got 1rum the 1at. I%m having to learn to modi"y my mudra during morning

5a5en. ) mudra is a hand position. The one you use during 5a5en is called the 1osmic .udra. (ou can see an e#ample o" it in this photo set that I put up "orever ago. 9roblem is that 1rum li!es to sit in my lap and purr during 5a5en. $o I need to accommodate by "inding a place "or my hands that wor!s when a cat is there. I%m wor!ing on this. Den and cats have a very long history. In *apan 5en temples almost always have several cats. I%ve never been to one that doesn%t. The one at the end o" the road where I used to live had at least hal" a do5en that 'ust hung around all the time. I%m not really sure where this tradition got started. ut even -ogen moans about it somewhere in $hobogen5o. I%m not tal!ing about his "amous commentary in $hobgen5o Duimon!i on the !oan =3ansen%s 1at.= I !now there%s some chapter near the end o" the $hobogen5o proper where -ogen is bitching about how degraded temples have become =these days= 4the 12M0s 1@6 to the e#tent that they even !eep cats as pets. ut I can%t recall e#actly where that was anymore. Then there%s the old story about tying up the cat during 5a5en. That one%s pretty "unny. =&hen the spiritual teacher and his disciples began their evening meditation2 the cat who lived in the monastery made such noise that it distracted them. $o the teacher ordered that the cat be tied up during the evening practice. (ears later2 when the teacher died2 the cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session. )nd when the cat eventually died2 another cat was brought to the monastery and tied up. 1enturies later2 learned descendants o" the spiritual teacher wrote scholarly treatises about the religious signi"icance o" tying up a cat "or meditation practice.= I%ve been busting my balls "or the last "ew days writing. /ope this ne#t one sells a "ew copies. I owe pretty much everything I made in ?ermany last year to the hospital I went to who insisted I needed a spinal tap and a 1)T scan. $pea!ing o"

cats... I%ve also put a bunch o" blasts "rom my past up on (ouTube. /ere%s a samplingA /ere I am as )merican 3ews reporter radley $. &arner in the theatrical "eature "ilm Ultraman Dearth "rom 1FFG. The 8rench reporter is 3athalie -elin2 another person who wor!ed "or Tsuburaya 9roductions% International -ivision. 3athalie was probably a lot more =pro"essional= in terms o" the TJ and "ilm bi5 than I ever was. )nd perhaps as a result o" that she didn%t last nearly as long as I did at the company. ut she made it through a "ew years. I haven%t seen or heard "rom her since then. << /ere I am in the late:night horror TJ series .oon $piral. I%m playing a vegetarian ghost. The star o" this show was .ariya (amada who went on to become a huge star in *apan "or a while. $he also appeared in the *apanese edition o" 9enthouse maga5ine2 though she did not remove all o" her clothes "or the shoot. $he was 'ust 1G when she appeared in this TJ series playing a psychic girl who wor!s with a couple o" detectives. It was sort o" O:8iles:ish. I thin! there were only si# episodes. ut not because it got canceled. ) lot o" shows in *apan 'ust run a "ew episodes. The mini:series concept is much stronger over there. This show was written by .asa!a5u .ighita who also wrote The 1alamari &restler2@#ecutive ,oala and 9ussy $oup 4which I "irst heard o" 'ust now when loo!ing him up on I.- . I gotta as! what that was>6 << /ere%s a clip o" me getting blowed up real good in Ultraman Tiga episode +1

I wrote about this in /ardcore Den. I had a crappy copy o" this up on (ouTube "or a while. ut now I%ve replaced it with this better one. << It%s harder to spot me in this. ut I%m in most o" the crowd scenes in the Ultraman 3eos pilot "ilm. I%m also the guy on the right at the end o" this2 the one who points up at Ultraman 3eos "lying overhead. << I%m playing the monster 9owered altan in this Tsuburaya 9roductions commercial "rom 1FF+. The best view o" me comes at about 1A00 or 1A01 in this clip. Those are my big blue lobster claws waving in the air. I was selected to play 9owered altan because he was a monster "rom the only Ultraman TJ show produced in the United $tates. Un"ortunately2 that happened to be the worst Ultraman TJ show ever made2 as well. 3oboru Tsuburaya is the singer you see at the beginning. /e was the president o" the company and the man who hired me to wor! at Tsuburaya 9roductions.
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T/@ 0)3,)J)T)R) $UTR)

8irst o""2 does anyone want a cat? /is name is 1rum and he is the best cat in the world. /e belongs to my neighbor2 ,im. ut she can%t !eep him. /e%s been staying at my apartment "or the last couple days. ut at some point I%m gonna need to leave "or an e#tended period2 and then do that over and over and over again. $o this isn%t gonna last "or long. This cat is so sweet it%s unreal. This is a photo o" him !eeping me company this morning while I wrote what you%re reading now. Oh. )nd someone "ind me a teaching gig in $outhern 1ali"ornia. Than!s. Oh> )nd doesn%t anyone out there want me to come spea! anywhere? It%s weird. I was getting so many o""ers I couldn%t handle them last year and now here in 2012 :: nothing> -id I do something that o""ended everyone? 3ow onto the main topic. The nice "ol!s over at 1ounterpoint oo!s sent me a review copy o" Red 9ine%s The 0an!avatara $utraA Translation and 1ommentary. Than! you2 1ounterpoint oo!s> I gotta say that I was !ind o" intimidated at "irst. I don%t do sutras very well. I managed to dig through -ogen%s $hobogen5o and even write a boo! about it. ut that doesn%t mean I%m one o" those guys who sits around reading ancient uddhist te#ts "or "un. ?enerally spea!ing ancient uddhist writings ba""le me about as

much as they ba""le everybody else. Ta!e the 0otus $utra :: please> I mean2 I !now I%m supposed to love the thing. I !now that -ogen loved it. 9eople I !now have read it and said it%s the greatest thing since sliced cheese. ut I have never been able to get through the con"ounded thing. I can%t get past the part where the author is telling you the names o" all the odhisattvas and their uncles and how many uddha realms they%ve conHuered and where they shop "or shoes and why you should de"initely copy the sutra a thousand times and how many dragon !ings were sitting around while uddha impressed everyone by shooting rays out o" his "orehead... and so on and on and on and on. (ou thin! I%m ma!ing this up? /ave a loo! "or yoursel". $o when I saw this boo! in my mailbo#2 I thought2 =?ood gosh2 now I gotta read the thing>= It turns out that the 0an!avatara $utra is much easier going than the 0otus $utra. )t least "or me. It doesn%t ta!e nearly as long to get to the point. )nd its philosophical doctrines aren%t e#pressed in e#tended metaphors or stories. In many ways it%s a much more modern sounding piece. The author o" the sutra "rames it as a long YK) session between a guy named .ahamati and uddha. O" course2 uddha was long since dead by the time this sutra was composed. ut the literary device wor!s to e#press a lot o" the then:developing theories in uddhism that would later become the basis "or much o" what is taught in Den uddhist temples even today. &hat really ma!es this boo! wor! "or me is Red 9ine%s 4a!a ill 9orter6 introduction. It%s a very honest essay. The author even says that it was his need "or the advance money "rom his publishers that really tipped the scales and "inally got him wor!ing on the translation in earnest. )pparently he%d had it on the bac! burner "or years. ut when he ran out o" other sutras to translate2 he reluctantly went bac! to the 0an!avatara.

I%m happy he did because it%s a very good boo!. It%s not an easy boo! to read. 3or would I recommend it to someone 'ust starting out with uddhist philosophy. $tic! to Den .ind2 eginner%s .ind or even /ardcore Den i" you want that. Or you can try one o" the boo!s on my Den oo!s That -on%t $uc! page. ut i" you%ve already got a "oundation o" basic uddhist philosophy and you want to !now where some o" the peculiarly Den stu"" comes "rom2 this is a pretty interesting and valuable boo!. It%s a "ine resource "or some o" the earliest mani"estations o" what coalesced into the Den approach to uddhist teaching and practice. 8or e#ample2 you !now how I%m always ranting against people who try to sell the idea o" instant enlightenment? Remember how I compared thin!ing you could get enlightened right away to thin!ing you could learn to play @ruption by @ddie Jan /alen a"ter a single guitar lesson? $ome o" you assumed I 'ust pulled that out o" my ass. &ell2 in "act2 I did. ut in the 0an!avatara $utra2 .ahamati as!s2 =/ow is the stream o" perceptions o" beings% minds puri"ied?= uddha answers2 = y degrees and not all at once... li!e when people become pro"icient in such arts as music or writing or painting.= $o there> On the matter o" ?od2 .ahamati as!s2 =In the sutras the hagavan 4a!a uddha6 says that thetatha!atha(!arb!ha 4womb o" the uddhas6 is intrinsically pure2 endowed with thirty:two attributes and present in the bodies o" all beings2 and that2 li!e a precious 'ewel wrapped in soiled clothing2 the ever:present unchanging tatha!atha(!arbha is li!ewise wrapped in the soiled clothing o" the skandhas, dhatus and ayantas and stained with the stains o" erroneous pro'ections o" greed2 anger and delusion. /ow is it that what the hagavan says about thetatha!atha(!arbha is the same as what "ollowers o" other paths say about a sel"? hagavan2 "ollowers o" other paths also spea! o" an immortal creator without attributes2 omnipresent and indestructible. )nd they say this is the sel".= uddha says2 among other things that2 =The tatha!atha(!arbha is taught to attract those members o" other paths who are attached to a sel" so that they will give up

their pro'ection o" an unreal sel" and will enter the three"old gate o" liberation.= This doesn%t mean there is notatha!atha(!arbha. *ust that uddha considers it a better way to describe reality than to describe it as sel". 0i!e I said2 I%m wor!ing on a whole boo! to e#plain why I thin! it ma!es sense to use the word =?od= in the conte#t o" contemporary uddhism. )nd it%s not 'ust to play nice with religious "ol!s. ut I%m not gonna try and get into that here. It%s 'ust nice to see that this Huestion goes bac! a very long way.

In any case2 the "oregoing Huotes ought to give you an idea what to e#pect "rom a boo! li!e this. I" you don%t !now what a skandha or a dhatu is you%re going to have a tough time. Red 9ine assumes his readers !now at least the basic terms. /owever2 he provides copious "ootnotes which are presented such that the sutra itsel" is on the page on your right and the "ootnotes are on the page on your le"t. This ma!es it very easy to go "rom one to the other. (ou don%t have to s!ip to the bac! o" the boo! or even to the bottom o" the page to "ind them. This is very nice "or people li!e me with short attention spans who "orget what the term they%re loo!ing up even was by the time we manage to "ind the "ootnote e#plaining it. )nd there%s a glossary o" terms at the end in case you really do need to !now what askandha is.

I highly recommend this boo! "or people who want to deepen their understanding o" Den uddhist philosophy.
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$o I%m digging through my -J-s the other day and I discover a copy o" a movie calledBuddhist 2ife. The director was a guy named 0uis 1arapeto. /e was 9ortuguese. I remember him coming to a number o" 3ishi'ima Roshi%s tal!s and retreats. Then he went bac! to 9ortugal. 0ater on he returned to *apan with a couple o" people and a bunch o" video eHuipment to ma!e a movie about 3ishi'ima. /e gave 3ishi'ima a copy on J/$2 which I then copied "or mysel" and later trans"erred to a -J-:R. Then2 as "ar as I !new2 the movie 'ust vanished. I.doesn%t list it. I chec!ed around the interwebs and the only re"erence I can "ind is this listing "rom a "ilm "estival in )msterdam. It gives the year o" production as 200B. I thin! the movie may be a couple years older than that. ut my memory is not so reliable. )ma5on has a listing "or it. Though the -J- appears to be out o" print. $o -!y th$ ' .n( )' because maybe 0uis is getting some money "rom those sales. )nd I%m sure it%ll loo! and sound a lot better than this third generation copy. The synopsis on that -utch "ilm "estival%s website saysA /+ live my Buddhist life from day to day, from moment to moment sometimes in my office, sometimes in my home, sometimes in a temple. +n every situation there was #ust my Buddhist life./ %udo Wafu 1ishi#ima was born in :okohama, ?apan. With a new and fresh approach to the Buddhist view of reality and the sense of balance to the philosophical and scientific investi!ations from last decades, =aster 1ishi#ima !ives us the coordinates to start to understand Buddhism with our own method of thinkin!. ,e wants to pass the teachin!s of Buddhism to people all over the world who are searchin! for /&ruth/. /We have to say that we live in a succession of moments rather like the frames of a film./ +n these frames,

from the present moment, the documentary is about =aster 1ishi#ima@s daily life that is all ready a Buddhist life. I uploaded the whole thing onto (ouTube this morning. 0uis2 i" you%re out there and you want me to remove it I will. I%m under the impression that 0uis and the others who made the movie have !ind o" "orgotten about it at this point. I%m hoping maybe this blog posting might spar! some renewed interest in it. I say again unto thee2 buy the download> It%s only two dollars2 ya cheaps!ates> &atching it again I%d "orgotten how good it was. It gives you a very honest loo! at who 3ishi'ima Roshi was when the "ilm was made. It shows him leading one o" his annual retreats in $hi5uo!a "or "oreigners. It shows him in @urope giving tal!s and running a sesshin. It shows him tal!ing to students o" his "rom Israel and Ireland. There%s also a wonder"ul scene o" him dragging his suitcase through To!yo $tation. /e always insisted on carrying his own stu"" when he went on retreats. I" you wanted to help him out with his bags you%d have to !ind o" tric! him by grabbing them be"ore he noticed. ut he was always very Huic!. In one o" the scenes 3ishi'ima is in his o""ice at the Ida $oap and 1osmetics 1ompany wor!ing on the translation o" 3agar'una%s .ulamadhyama!a!ari!a2 although the boo! itsel" isn%t mentioned. This would have been a couple years be"ore I got involved with it. /e was wor!ing on that thing "or ages. The opening scenes were shot one morning at 3ishi'ima%s do'o in 1hiba pre"ecture. It was a thoroughly urban uddhist living space. )t one time it had been Ida%s company dormitory bac! in the days when *apanese companies made new wor!ers live together in dorms. )"ter they stopped using it they gave it to 3ishi'ima to run as a do'o. Then when .r. Ida died his son decided to ta!e it bac! and sell the property. Residents were reHuired to sit two periods o" 5a5en each day. 3ishi'ima himsel" rang a bell at +AB0 every morning to signal the start o" the "irst period. Residents weren%t reHuired to attend that one. ut the bell was there to o""er encouragement to do so. I never lived in the do'o mysel".

I appear at about 2A++ into part two sitting ne#t to 3ishi'ima in the 5endo at To!ei: in temple in $hi5uo!a. I thin! maybe you can hear my voice as one o" the people as!ing Huestions in one o" the lectures too. ut I%m not sure i" it%s me or not. I have to warn you2 though. The movie is pain"ully slow. I" I would%ve edited it I would%ve made it a lot speedier. ut I thin! 0uis wanted to give viewers a sense o" 3ishi'ima%s li"estyle. /e seems to be attempting to recreate the "eeling o" sitting 5a5en in the "orm o" a cinematic e#perience. (ou%ll have to 'udge "or yoursel" i" he was success"ul or not. PART /

PART 0

PART 1

<)t the time I posted this2 part B was still loading up. $o you may have to sit some 5a5en till it becomes available.
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+ have a silly 'uestion. When meditatin!, +"ve read one is to be aware, and not much else. ,owever, when thou!hts calm down, what is one suppose to be aware of. + check posture. But is the mind suppose to settle on somethin!. *r simply search out((thus disturbin! the calm((somethin! to be aware of. + don"t know if there is an answer((non(thinkin! maybe it. But +"m not sure + truly understand non(thinkin!. There are no silly Huestions. Only silly people> 3o. I don%t mean that really. I don%t !now why people always want to belittle their own Huestions. This one%s a pretty common one. The real Huestion isP -oes awareness need an ob'ect? Or does awareness only appear when we divide sub'ect and ob'ect? In practical terms2 when my 5a5en gets screwy I "i# my posture. &hen it gets screwy again2 I "i# my posture again. ut there%s no real need to be aware o" anything speci"ic. *ne thin! + was wonderin! if you"d written anythin! on is the uneasy relationship of zazen and intellectual discourse. &his point is difficult for me

because +"m sometimes irrepressibly intellectual, and readin! Western philosophy has shaped me as much as my practice, but in different ways. Anyway, at times + detect a subtle hostility or contempt for intellectual ar!ument in zen practitioners that + find bafflin!. Aor instance, one newcomer recently had mentioned havin! read up a bit on -en practice, to which a more e perienced practitioner responded, /*h, no need for those books. Readin! #ust confuses you in my e perience./ 1ow, of course she was referrin! to readin! about -en philosophy, or maybe philosophy in !eneral, but in any case it felt a little knee(#erk. +t reminded me of all those times +"ve been in discussions about B spiritual matter and when + asked((in as humble and sincere a way as + am capable of musterin!((for clarification on some point or other, + was met with one of two reactions; A) hostility, because they re!arded me as an ill(intentioned provocateur, or B) condescension, like +"m some clueless hyper(educated idiot. *r #ust frustration, that happens a lot too. And a!ain, most of this stuff is pretty subtle, probably unconscious, but the underlyin! messa!e less so; ?ust shut up and accept what is bein! said. +"m in total a!reement that there are limits to how you can talk about, say, the nature of reality or the basis of ethical action, but #ust because those limits e ist doesn"t mean that you can"t e plore the space they contain. *r that, !iven that teachers use of natural lan!ua!e to e plain concepts, you can"t prod a little bit in hope of !ainin! some new perspective. (But yeah, it"s a thin line between that and #ust dickheaded arro!ance.) &his happens mostly in discussions of the idea of one"s /natureCessence,/ what /ener!y/ is, or /enli!htenment./ +t"s all the more esoteric stuff, so not terribly important to my practice. But it does come up every once in a while, and then + feel like people are throwin! around terms without a very coherent picture of how they fit to!ether. +n other words, + hear a lot of what is flawed lo!ical ar!ument that then retreats behind /the intuitive/ when you point out how the lo!ic is whack. &o me that is bad dualistic thinkin! tryin! to pass as non(dual, where the non(dual answer would seem to call a lot of these concepts deeply into 'uestion, includin! the very idea of an opposition between intuition and intellect. Oh 'ust shut up and believe what I tell you to>

3o> $ometimes this is a !nee:'er! response. $ometimes it%s a guy trying to be dogmatic about Den. ut o"ten it%s neither. (ou can only ta!e intellectual discussion so "ar. )"ter that it 'ust becomes pointless. Intellectual discussion is limited by what the brain is able to conceive. The brain thin!s it can conceive anything. )nd in a sense it is limitlessly able to bo# the universe up in new ways. There is no end to the ways we can "rame things "or ourselves and "or others. ut that%s all we can do2 "rame things in di""erent ways. -ogen was also an intellectual. That%s why he wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. /e really attempted to "rame things "or us in the most accurate way possible. ut he was also !eenly aware that there was no ultimately accurate way o" "raming reality. $o his writing is "ull o" contradictions.

+ have trouble keepin! my eyes still while doin! zazen. + have practiced for several years at this point, and my eyes move around #ust as much as at the be!innin!, thou!h my le!s have settled into half(lotus, my spine !ets in a nice comfortable balance and so on. +s this part of the posture, keepin! my eyes in one spot) &hat is, should stillness of the eyes be a !oal that + should work towards, #ust like !ettin! into half(lotus posture was for me a few years a!o) + am aware that my eyes movin! around is not some random, purely physical, automatic phenomenon. + have at least noticed that movin! my eyes is connected to the flow of my thou!hts. 0o another way of phrasin! the 'uestion is; in your e perience, is it best to treat compulsive motions like this as somethin! + need to work on outside of the practice, as + would by stretchin! my le!s, or should + look at it as part of the practice, brin! to it the same kind of unattached attention as + would a fly buzzin! around the room or the stream of thou!hts in my mind) I used to put a little dot on the wall and stare at that because I had much the same problem. This is !ind o" an unorthodo# answer2 though. I don%t thin! -ogen would

approve. ut he%s dead so we can%t as! him what he thin!s. I%d say to try to wor! on this in terms o" movement o" the eyes. $o rather than trying to stop thin!ing2 maybe you can 'ust try to stop your eyes "rom moving so much. I had some problems with twitching several years ago. I%d get a lot o" random muscle twitches. .y thumbs would 'ump up o" their own accord and so "orth. I wor!ed on that my waiting to see what happened when a muscle would 'ump. I didn%t try to stop it "rom happening. Yuite the opposite. I wanted it to happen so I could observe how it wor!ed. I "ound that there was one speci"ic state o" mind that I%d go into 'ust be"ore the muscles would twitch. It%s impossible "or me to describe that state o" mind. It was sort o" "oggy. That%s all I can really say. )nyhow2 I "ound that I was able to avoid lapsing into that state. y avoiding that state o" mind2 I was able to stop the twitching. I also "ound there was no real di""erence between what we call =voluntary= and what we call =involuntary= movement. That is2 there was some aspect o" what we usually call =voluntary= movement even in those movements we usually label as =involuntary.= I never reached this level2 but I would assume this is the !ind o" thing yogis who can slow down their heart rate or raise their body temperature at will do. What is a /zen monk/) I re"use to answer that Huestion on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me. ut really... what in gosh%s name is a 5en mon!? 8or me it%s li!e this. I studied with a Den teacher "or several years. )t some point he as!ed me to go through this weird ceremony called shukke 462 which means =home leaving.= There was also no =or else= element to his reHuest. I could ta!e it or leave it. ut he thought it would be a good idea.

I wasn%t interested in doing this stupid ceremony. ut this was the "irst time 3ishi'ima Roshi had ever given me any !ind o" unsolicited advise. /e%d answered Huestions be"ore this. ut he%d never told me what he thought I should do. $o I "igured this must be important. The ceremony itsel" was "airly painless. I "elt vaguely silly "or about M+ minutes and then I was done. )"ter the ceremony I as!ed 3ishi'ima i" I was a mon!. /e said2 =(es you are a mon!.=

) couple years a"ter that I decided on my own to do the more =o""icial=shukke ceremony through the highly o""icial $oto: shu organi5ation2 a gigantic evil religious institution in *apan 4but with 3ishi'ima Roshi o""iciating2 since he is a card carrying member o" $oto:shu6. That ceremony was "ar more inconvenient and way more embarrassing. I had to shave my head> I loo!ed li!e 3os"eratu "or two or three wee!s while my hair grew bac!. It was also really hot the day I did it. )nd I had to wear these horrible ugly white pa'ama things and have my photo ta!en in them. It was pretty aw"ul.

ut having done that I can now really call mysel" a Den mon!. It%s even written down on a piece o" paper somewhere in an o""ice in *apan2 "iled away with all the other dumbasses who%ve done that silly ceremony. On the other hand2 many people have argued that I am not a mon!. Their de"initions o" what is and is not a mon! are di""erent. ecoming a mon! isn%t something you can 'ust do on your own. (ou can%t 'ust decide to call yoursel" as a mon! and e#pect anyone to ta!e you seriously. (ou have to go through some !ind o" social ceremony in which someone else declares you a mon!. ut once that happens2 you%re a mon!. O" course people still might say you%re not a mon!. ut2 to ta!e me as 'ust one e#ample2 i" someone says I%m not a mon! they%ve also got to say that everyone registered with the $oto:shu o" *apan as a mon! is also not a mon!. )nd many people do say that. Or else they have to set up their own standards and say that some o" those mon!s are mon!s while others are not. ut these are both i""y positions because you%re going up against a really big organi5ation who2 though they are evil2 have a lot o" respect. &hich doesn%t stop some people "rom doing so anyhow. The e#tent to which you%re ta!en seriously in the big wide world as a mon! is determined by the e#tent to which the organi5ation that gave you the designation is ta!en seriously in the big wide world. I"2 "or e#ample2 *oe%s Den 9alour in Ravenna2

Ohio calls you a mon! that probably won%t carry as much weight as the $oto:shu o" *apan calling you a mon!. This is the reason I did the $oto:shu ceremony. )t the time2 I thought it was important to be seen as a legit mon!. I now place "ar less importance on the matter. $till2 I%ve done the ceremony. )ctually these days I%m somewhat embarrassed by that "act. I%m not so sure I%d call it a mista!e. ut it%s not something I would do now i" I hadn%t done it 12 years ago. 8or better or worse I am a mon! and I%ll be a mon! "or li"e unless I choose to renounce what I did all those years ago. )s "or what it means to be a mon!2 which is probably your real Huestion... that%s a lot harder to say. 8or me it means I%ve made a public commitment to 5a5en practice. That%s pretty much it. 8or others it means "ollowing a strict set o" regulations. 8or still others it%s a badge o" identity. ut these are the only:est .on!s who really matter>

ADDENDUM2 8rom the comments page: DBrad, you wrote; /But it"s not somethin! + would do now if + hadn"t done it E5 years a!o./ $an you !ive a reason) *r is it an emotional thin!, bein! annoyed by the "label" you are carryin! with you since then) I "eel now li!e registering with $oto:shu was unnecessary. )t the time I "igured it was now or never. .eaning that while I was living in *apan in close con'unction with 3ishi'ima Roshi2 registering with $oto:shu would be relatively easy. I !new that i" I waited and then later on decided to do it2 the process would be e#tremely

di""icult. 8or e#ample2 i" I waited till 3ishi'ima Roshi was no longer with us there would have been a lot o" bureaucratic steps involved that 3 was able to bypass. Or i" I waited till I got bac! to )merica there would be the e#tra e#pense o" going to *apan. I%m not sure how much I bene"ited "rom the registration. It%s li!ely that &isdom 9ublications too! my manuscript a tad more seriously because I was registered. ut I thin! they would have considered my having been given dharma transmission by 3ishi'ima Roshi enough. I hope the distinction is clear. I did two almost identical ceremonies. One was with 3ishi'ima Roshi in his do'o. That ceremony was not registered with $oto:shu. ) "ew years later I went through almost the same ceremony but per"ormed at To!ei:in temple. )gain 3ishi'ima o""iciated. ut this time there were three mon!s "rom the temple in attendance2 photos were ta!en2 "orms were "illed out and mailed in and a "ew wee!s later I got my certi"icate. &ith my name misspelled> $o perhaps some guy named radely &arner is a $oto:shu mon! while I am not. I "eel li!e the "irst ceremony with 3ishi'ima at his do'o was my real ordination2 while the second one was 'ust a "ormality to get me on the boo!s with an organi5ation I have rarely interacted with since then. I don%t regret the ceremony with 3ishi'ima. )lthough I%m still somewhat ambivalent as to what it really meant. The second ceremony with $oto:shu was something I did "or pretty much all the wrong reasons. ut I did it and it%s done. I%ve done lots more regrettable things than that in my li"e. )lso2 the dharma transmission ceremony was yet again a whole OT/@R thing. I could have had that "ormali5ed by $oto:shu as well. I loo!ed into it. ut it would have been really e#pensive 4I thin! I wor!ed it out that I%d have had to spend between E2000 and E+000 to get it all ta!en care o"6. It would also have been patently ridiculous.

One o" the steps involved was to do this !ind o" YK) session designed to chec! i" I had truly mastered the dharma. UT both the Huestions and their answers are already set. I%d have 'ust had to memori5e them and spit them out on cue. Then you get to be honorary head o" $oto:shu "or a day or some shit. ut you can%t2 li!e2 disband the whole organi5ation or decide to change everyone "rom blac! robes to pin! tutus or whatever. &hich would have made it worthwhile. 3o. (ou 'ust get to sit in a special chair or something. ig deal. I%m not into that !ind o" nonsense. $o I%m not gonna pay a couple thousand dollars to do it. The whole thing 'ust sounded li!e a parody o" what uddhism is really about.
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T/UR$-)(2 *)3U)R( 1F2 2012

?eorge /arrison $ays =&e )re 3ot These odies=

) reader in 3orth 1arolina as!sA $ould you please comment on this 'uote, which &om <etty attributes to %eor!e ,arrison; /2ook, we"re not these bodies, let"s not !et hun! up on that./

I%d be glad to> ecause ?eorge /arrison is one o" the !ey people in getting me into this whole uddhist mess that I%m now ine#tricably mired in. I was a total eatle gee! by the time I was 1+ years old and remain one to this very day. )nd since I%m a perverse weirdo sort o" individual2 many o" my "avorite eatle trac!s were the ones nobody else li!ed. I particularly dug the Indian:inspired tunes ?eorge contributed li!e &ithin (ou &ithout (ou 2 0ove (ou To2 The Inner 0ight and even lue *ay &ay. /earing these songs and reading interviews with ?eorge really got me wanting to study @astern mysticism in a serious way. .an2 I even got into ?eorge%s post: eatle ,rishna 1onsciousness nuttiness li!e 0iving in the .aterial &orld and one o" my all time "ave /ari albums2 -ar! /orse2 which nobody else li!es e#cept my "riend 0esa. )nother all:time great ?eorge /arrison record is his production o" the Radha ,rishna Temple album on )pple Records. In "act2 when I signed up "or Tim .c1arthy%s class on Den uddhism at ,ent $tate University way bac! when2 I%d actually been loo!ing "or something more li!e the !ind o" /indu mysticism ?eorge was into. I settled "or Den uddhism because it was the closest I could get. y the time I started ta!ing that class I was already well "amiliar with the o"t: repeated phrase in /indu mysticism2 =we are not these bodies.= It was even on the bac! o" some $antana album I saw once as a Huotation "rom $ri 1himnoy. /is version went2 =&e are not these bodies2 we are the spirit:soul that "lies within.= I e#pected uddhism would "urther elucidate this notion. ut instead I clearly recall Tim saying once that it was closer to the truth to say =&e are these bodies.= That was a bit o" a shoc!. /e didn%t say that was the truth2 'ust that it was closer. To say we are these bodies is wrong. ut saying we are not these bodies is also wrong. It%s li!e when you%re arguing with someone and that person gets you into some hypothetical scenario that has nothing to do with the point you were trying to ma!e. Then you "ind yoursel" arguing about something that has nothing whatsoever to do with what you wanted to say. The Huestion does not "it the case. &e%re given a set o" two e#clusive options and as!ed to pic! one or the other. @ither

we are these bodies or we%re not. 9hilosophers and religious people have been going over and over and over with this debate "or centuries. ut uddhism ta!es the stance that neither option is correct. One time I was sitting listening to 3ishi'ima Roshi give a lecture. I thought I%d "igured his whole trip out. &ith his staunch denial o" reincarnation and his very nuts and bolts approach about =the world as it is in "ront o" us= I "igured he was a pure materialist. I didn%t li!e him much anyhow. ut I went because it was a convenient place to practice 5a5en with a group. I was do5ing o"" during one o" his tal!s when he said2 =The material world is an illusion.= $ay what? To me that sounded li!e the whole /indu notion o" =we are not these bodies.= The /iundus have a lot o" mythology about how the material world is maya2 or illusion2 and the true substance o" reality is pure spirit. ut I already !new uddhism re'ected that idea. $o here I was presented with the notion that the material world is illusion2 and so is the spiritual world. &hat%s le"t? The answer is that no category or de"inition we can create to try and bo# up the real world we live in can su""ice. &e are these bodies in the sense that what we are mani"ests as our bodily e#istence. &e are our mindsIsouls in the sense that the mind%s reality is the only one we ever really !now. ut neither is really us. In the chapter titled +nmo in $hobogen5o -ogen said it li!e thisA =&e ourselves are tools that it 4inmo2 the ine""able6 possesses within this universe in ten directions. /ow do we !now that it e#ists? &e !now it is so because the body and the mind both appear in the universe2 yet neither is our sel". The body2 already2 is not %I%. Its li"e moves on through days and months2 and we cannot stop it even "or an instant. &here have the red "aces Zo" our youth[ gone? &hen we loo! "or them2 they have vanished without a trace. &hen we re"lect care"ully2 there are many things in the

past that we will never meet again. The sincere 4or pure6 mind2 too2 does not stop2 but goes and comes moment by moment.= $o in a sense ?eorge was right. &e%re not these bodies. $o let%s not get hung up on that. ut then again we are these bodies so it%s impossible not to be hung up on that. Ta!e it away2 ?eorge>

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