James Daugherty Ms.

Agosta ENG 1102 November 18, 2013 The Family Affair Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten David Ogden Stiers In todays world, everybody has some type of label addressed to them and sometimes it is unchangeable. One of those labels happen to be alcoholic and even though people get over their problems the temptations of drinking will always be present and thus they will always be considered an alcoholic. However, it may be for the alcoholic, most of the time the uphill struggle is not always for the alcoholic but the family of said alcoholic as well. Family to me is the strongest support group anyone has but what happens when a family is faced with trying to help someone overcome a terrible disease. Yes I referred to alcoholism as a disease because people typically address it as one. People who do not drink much nor have been around people with alcoholic tendencies have a tough time realizing alcoholism is a disease, simply because people believe that it is easy to set down a drink or say no, however it is quite the opposite. The Chicago tribune posted a news article that somewhat explained how it is hard for alcoholics to say no or stop drinking, and it has to do with genetics. In the article it talked about a study that took place over decades researching and observing alcoholics. The results were interesting explaining that of more than fifty percent of

the alcoholics studied, that there was someone in their family who had been an alcoholic. Also it stated that someone is four times more likely to become an alcoholic if their parent(s) are one. Since alcoholism can be classified as hereditary, than it just brings in the whole family atmosphere that much more. As well as alcoholism can be linked through genetics, addiction traits are passed down in generations. Not necessarily alcoholism but addiction in general which can develop into an addiction of alcoholism. The information gathered was gained from primary and secondary research articles. The primary articles I looked at were blogs written by family members of alcoholics or written by the alcoholics themselves. Each blog was detailing what it is like to be a family member of an alcoholic or what it means to the alcoholic to have their family support, or not have their family support. Also I looked at secondary research, all of which from academic journals. All of the academic journals that I read were discussing different aspects of family life when dealing with someone that is an alcoholic. I wish I was able to interview someone, but personally I would have felt a little uncomfortable asking family members to discuss their alcoholism or ask other people to discuss their dealings with an alcoholic family member. To me that is typically something that is not openly expressed, nor something to be proud of so many people or families do not want to talk about it, thus making it unable to gather any interviews. Now family members of alcoholics can range from their offspring, their lovers or their parents. Each relationship has a different meaning to the person and also contributes or is affected differently. Lets start with the offspring of an alcoholic. Offspring of alcoholics can be the most affective in my opinion. An academic journal was published describing a detail

experiment that looked at the relationship between an alcoholic and their child, more closely at a relationship between an alcoholic father and his child. In the experiment, alcoholic fathers and their children were observed over numerous years and the findings were pretty similar amongst all the alcoholic fathers and their children. All in all the results were the children of an alcoholic parent is they are at a greater risk of psychiatric and psychology disturbances as they got older. Also children who had an alcoholic parent were not as strong in their problem solving and congenially skills as those children whose parents were not alcoholics (Clair). James Paul Gee wrote a separate article just describing the process of first language acquisition in children and also gaining their comprehension skills. This article also talks about children learning communication skills and being able to speak openly (Gee). Children who have alcoholic parents might start to take the identity of their parents and most likely in a negative way. Gees article describes how children first start learning communication skills and if they constantly see their parents acting in a drunken way than the children most likely have communicating or comprehension problems. Another family member of an alcoholic that is greatly affected is the spouse, or partner. Now some consequences might be very public, such as, a breakup or a divorce. Some aspects that might not be in the public eye that affect the spouse are huge. Let us start with what people can openly see, or find out, separation. Due to abuse of alcoholism and the problems that come with it, can cause problems between the two lovers and ultimately end up with a separation, breakup or divorce. The biggest thing people do not realize is how the lover feels when someone is diagnosed as an alcoholic. The biggest thing is the guilt ones go through on why they necessarily did not notice it or help out. Since the alcoholic needs the most help it is hard for the lover to

express their problems when the alcoholic needs support guidance. One blog written by a wife of an alcoholic (we will call her Sarah, name was changed for this essay) discussed what it was like to truly be a lover of an alcoholic. She discussed at first there were problems between her and her husband as he noticeably was abusing alcohol and the toll it took on their marriage. Her husband started going through rehab and going to alcohol anonymous, AA, but then the problems started with her. She started questioning what was the reason for her husband to abuse alcohol in the manner he was, and with that she put a lot of the blame on herself, just as many spouses typically do. Sarah talked about a few times she did go to Al-Anon, therapy for family member of alcoholics. With that she noticed it helped but at the same time, there was still a level of guilt that was present. Sarah said she truly did not get passed her guilty feeling until a year after her husband had been sober, simply because he had gotten better and no longer abused alcohol. As Sarah described in her blogs, there were similar blogs detailing the same thing, lover of alcoholics go through just as much pain, and suffer as does the alcoholic, and hope it does not tear the family apart. The last family member that I looked out is the parents of the alcoholic. The lover and the parent(s) of the alcoholic are the most similar than the offspring of an alcoholic. The parents, also like the lover, feel guilty or put blame on themselves. I looked at another blog, this time written by a father (we will call him Jeff) discussing what it meant to him that his son was diagnosed as an alcoholic. In the blog, Jeff discussed at first how that both him and his wife were shocked, because they did not know their son had an alcohol problem. Then he talked about the guilt and blames that as parents they put on themselves. The big questions were there, as to what did they do wrong or should have done to prevent this. However, unlike Sarah mentioned above, the family did not go to Al-Anon, but instead were able to go to AA with their son for the first

three sessions and show their support for their son. As parents, they felt blameful of why their son started to abuse alcohol, but soon realized that support is what they needed. Even though different family members are affected in different ways, the alcoholic needs support and love in the beginning in order to understand their disease and be able to get through the hardship in all of their lives. Now as I was saying, the alcoholic needs support in order to get over this disease. However, the process of getting an alcoholic to get help and go through rehab and AA is not always easy. There is an easy way and there is a hard way, the easy way is admittance or self-realization. Sometimes an alcoholic will realize they have a problem, but just need help in order to start stepping in the right direction, and seek out family members. This is where self-realization comes in as they know they have a problem and initiate the helping process in order to overcome the alcohol abuse. The other easy way is admittance the alcoholic has a problem and needs help. This can come when a family member or members discuss with the alcoholic about their problem and the alcoholic is in acceptance of it and openly goes to rehab and genuinely wants to get better. The hard way of getting an alcoholic help, is if they are in denial about their problem. In the book, The Opposite of Everything Is True: Reflections on Denial in Alcoholic Families, written by William Crimson, discusses exactly what the title says, denial in alcoholic families. Most of the book talks about the consequences amongst the family and alcoholic if there is denial. The biggest thing it talks about is resentment towards family members from the alcoholic or just plan out anger. One aspect, which happens a lot when alcoholics are in denial, is the family tries to set up interventions or take them to rehab without their consent. As I just mentioned this can cause a great amount of anger, which just simply hurts the alcoholic more, as it might drive them to

drink more because of it. Another aspect of denial is the alcoholic can see how it is affecting their family. Even though an alcoholic is in denial an does not think they have a problem, they can see the effort being put forth by their family, which sometimes causes them to be anger at themselves and another way being in denial can actually cause them to drink more. Getting an alcoholic to go get help and go through AA can be a challenge on itself, and possibly a bigger challenge than AA itself. Now as I mentioned before about the blog with Sarah and how she went to Al-Anon, there is numerous therapy for both the alcoholic and their families. Al-Anon, is essentially AA but for family member. The family member goes without the alcoholic and it is a support group, where everyone talks about the struggles, or perseverance going on and everyone just simply listens. Just like AA, no one is opinionated or tells each other what to do, but just simply be there for other family members going through the same thing. Along with discussing with each other, some Al-Anon therapy sessions bring in experts to discuss with the family members the best way to communicate and interact with an alcoholic and show support for them. No matter how much a family member goes to a therapy session like this it is always beneficial because it lets them understand a little more about an alcoholic and the things they go through, as well as, just simply express the feelings or thoughts they are going though (Wormer). The other type of therapy is Alcohol Anonymous, otherwise known as AA, which many people have heard of. AA is for the alcoholic and is set up for them to continue the rehab process of getting past their alcohol abuse. In AA, the alcoholic identifies who they are and openly admit they are an alcoholic and talk about their strengths and weaknesses with trying to become completely sober. Most AAs meet once or twice a week, and at each one they discuss what happened within those days since the last session as overcoming alcohol abuse is a daily battle.

Now as Al-Anon is just for family members, AA typically have a session or two set up for when the alcoholic brings in someone within their family and openly talk about what they mean to them or something they wanted to tell them but not in a private one on one conversation. Therapy session is beneficial to both the alcoholic and family members, even if that means therapy without the alcoholic as the whole gain is to make sure the family stays together and keeps the support they have been giving. Now as I mentioned that therapy is an effective tool in beating alcohol abuse, it is not always that simple. There are me are still struggles for alcoholics and their families once outside of rehab. After rehab, it is still an everlasting fight essentially for the rest of their lives in order not to abuse alcohol. As I mentioned above, the biggest thing a family member can do for the alcoholic is to just continue to be there and give support and fight the battle with them and make sure everyone in the family can see the light at the end of the tunnel. By the whole family, I also mean the family members who are not alcoholics, are able to overcome this with the alcoholic and make this a family matter that everyone will conquer and no one takes blame or feels guilty for it. Showing support is the biggest thing, because the possibility of a relapse is ever present, especially shortly after rehab. Not having the everyday therapy or a support group every day that monitor what someone is doing can cause for problems once outside of that setting. One of those problems is of course drinking again and abusing alcohol. Outside of rehab, it is such a constant battle, because it is easy for an alcoholic to fall into temptation and drink again and start this whole thing over again between them and their family, which most of the time causes even more problems for everyone involved. The last thing about getting out of rehab is to essentially start over with a new life. The final blog I read about was about this whole starting a new life once out of rehab. This one was written by a guy (we will call him Doug) who was a four months out

of rehab and dealing with not drinking pretty well. In the blog, Doug talked about how he was doing good with his rehab and coping process, but just the whole thought of him being a recovering alcoholic is tough. He mentioned that it is hard to think about that he knows he can never have another alcoholic drink again in his life, as it might cause to a relapse of abusing alcohol. Also he talks about how he has more free time, simply because he is not going to the bars, or drinking anymore. Now that can be a good thing since he can spend more time with friends and family, but at the same time it just gives him more time to think about the absence of alcohol which was such a big factor in his life. The whole point of this essay was to help relay the information, both primary and secondary, of what alcoholics go through, as well as, their family. Alcohol abuse is terrible thing that can jeopardize ones whole life, and the life of their family. Even though it is a terrible time for everyone involved, the family needs to come together and show support for the alcoholic and conquer this terrible disease together, because family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.

Works Cited Clair, David J, and Myles Genest. "The Children of Alcoholics Screening Test: Reliability and Relationship to Family Environment, Adjustment, and Alcohol-Related Stressors of Adolescent Offspring of Alcoholics." Journal of Clinical Psychology. 48.3 (1992): 414420. Print. Crisman, William H. The Opposite of Everything Is True: Reflections on Denial in Alcoholic Families. New York: Morrow, 1991. Print. Gee, James P. "First Language Acquisition As a Guide for Theories of Learning and Pedagogy." Linguistics and Education. 6.4 (1994): 331-54. Print. Wormer, K. "Counseling Family Members of Addicts/alcoholics: the Stages of Change Model." Journal of Family Social Work. 11.2 (2008): 202-221. Print.