The Great Shark Hunt

Gonzo Papers, Vol. 1 Strange Tales From A Strange Time Hunter S. Thompson

from the back cover:

REBEL WITH A CA SE From Nixon to napalm, Carter to cocaine, Hunter S. Thompson captures the crazy, hypocritical, degenerate, and worthwhile aspects of American society with razor sharp insight and greater clarity than anyone writing today. Always fresh, irre!erent, original, "rilliant, and on the edge, Thompson hurls himself headfirst into each assignment and situation and comes "ac# with a story only he could write. He aims for the na#ed truth and hits the nation$s %ugular !ein. There is no one &uite li#e Thompson' he is uni&ue, and we are all richer for it. (No other reporter re!eals how much we ha!e to fear and loathe, yet does it so hilariously.( Chicago Tri"une

TH) *+)AT SHA+, H-NT This "oo# contains the complete text of the original hardco!er edition. .u"lished "y Fawcett .opular /i"rary, a unit of C0S .u"lications, the Consumer .u"lishing 1i!ision of C0S 2nc., "y arrangement with Summit 0oo#s, a Simon 3 Schuster 1i!ision of *ulf 3 4estern Corporation, and +olling Stone .ress Copyright 5 6787 "y Hunter S. Thompson 0i"liography 5 6787 "y ,ihm 4inship All rights reser!ed including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form 2S0N9 : ;;< :;<7= < .rinted in the -nited States of America First Fawcett .opular /i"rary printing9 Septem"er 67>: 6: 7 > 8 = < ; ? @ 6

"To Juan and. . ."

"To Richard Milhous Ni on! "ho never let me do"n." # $.S.T.

"%hen the going gets "eird! the "eird turn &ro." +aoul 1u#e

Contents
PART !"E Author$s Note Fear and /oathing in the 0un#er The ,entuc#y 1er"y 2s 1ecadent and 1epra!ed A Southern City with Northern .ro"lems Fear and /oathing at the Super 0owl The Temptations of Aean Claude ,illy The -ltimate Free /ancer Collect Telegram from a Bad 1og (*enius $+ound the 4orld Stands Hand in Hand, and Cne Shoc# of +ecognition +uns the 4hole Circle $+ound( A+T /2N,/)TT)+ Aac#et Copy for Fear 3 /oathing in /as Degas9 A Sa!age Aourney to the Heart of the American 1ream A Con!ersation on +alph Steadman and His 0oo#, America! with 1r. Hunter S. Thompson Strange +um"lings in Aztlan Frea# .ower in the +oc#ies Bemo from the Sports 1es#9 The So Called (Aesus Frea#( Scare Bemoirs of a 4retched 4ee#end in 4ashington PART TW! .resenting9 The +ichard Nixon 1oll EC!erhauled 67=> BodelF Author$s Note Aune, 678@9 The Bc*o!ern Auggernaut +olls Cn /ater in Aune Septem"er Ccto"er )pitaph Bemo from the Sports 1es# 3 +ude Notes from a 1ecompression Cham"er in Biami Fear and /oathing at the 4atergate9 Br. Nixon Has Cashed His Chec# Fear and /oathing in 4ashington9 The 0oys in the 0ag Fear and /oathing in /im"o9 The Scum Also +ises PART THREE Tra!eler Hears Bountain Busic 4here 2t$s Sung A Footloose American in a Smugglers$ 1en 4hy Anti *ringo 4inds Cften 0low South of the 0order 1emocracy 1ies in .eru, "ut Few Seem to Bourn 2ts .assing The 2nca of the Andes9 He Haunts the +uins of His Cnce *reat )mpire 0razilshooting Chatty /etters 1uring a Aourney from Aru"a to +io 4hat /ured Hemingway to ,etchumG /i!ing in the Tune of Alger, *reeley, 1e"s Barlon 0rando and the 2ndian Fish 2n The (Hash"ury( 2s the Capital of the Hippies

5 4hen the 0eatni#s 4ere Social /ions The Nonstudent /eft Those 1aring Houng Ben in Their Flying Bachines. . . Ain$t 4hat They -sed to 0eI The .olice Chief PART #! R The *reat Shar# Hunt Aimmy Carter and the *reat /eap of Faith Address "y Aimmy Carter on /aw 1ay9 -ni!ersity of *eorgia, Athens, *A The 0anshee Screams for 0uffalo Beat The Hoodlum Circus and the Statutory +ape of 0ass /a#e Ashes to Ashes 3 1ust to 1ust9 The Funeral of Bother Biles 4elcome to /as Degas9 4hen the *oing *ets 4eird the 4eird Turn .ro /ast Tango in Degas9 Fear and /oathing in the Near +oom /ast Tango in Degas9 Fear and /oathing in the Far +oom 0i"liography of 4or#s "y 1r. Hunter S. Thompson, "y ,ihm 4inship 0i"liography of 4or#s on 1r. Hunter S. Thompson, "y ,ihm 4inship

6 "EWS RELEASE AIR PR!VI"G GR! "$ C!%%A"$ EGLI" AIR #!RCE BASE, #L!RI$A !##ICE !# I"#!R%ATI!" SERVICES Telephone &'111(&'&& )*/2N AF0, F/C+21A ENo!>F SJSgt. Banmountain 1ense, a no!ice Air .oliceman, was se!erely in%ured here today, when a wine "ottle exploded inside the A. gatehouse at the west entrance to the "ase. 1ense was incoherent for se!eral hours after the disaster, "ut managed to ma#e a statement which led in!estigators to "elie!e the "ottle was hurled from a speeding car which approached the gatehouse on the wrong side of the road, coming from the general direction of the S).A+AT2CN C)NT)+. Further in!estigation re!ealed that, only minutes "efore the incident at the gatehouse, a reportedly (fanatical( airman had recei!ed his separation papers and was rumored to ha!e set out in the direction of the gatehouse at a high speed in a mufflerless car with no "ra#es. An immediate search was "egun for Hunter S. Thompson, one time sports editor of the "ase newspaper and well #nown (morale pro"lem.( Thompson was #nown to ha!e a sometimes o!er powering affinity for wine and was descri"ed "y a recent arri!al in the "ase sanatorium as (%ust the type of "astard who would do a thing li#e that.( An apparently uncontrolla"le iconoclast, Thompson was discharged today after one of the most hectic and unusual Air Force careers in recent history. According to Captain Bunnington Thurd, who was relie!ed of his duties as "ase classification officer yesterday and admitted to the neuropsychological section of the "ase hospital, Thompson was (totally unclassifia"le( and (one of the most sa!age and unnatural airmen 2$!e e!er come up against.( (2$ll ne!er understand how he got this discharge,( Thurd went on to say. (2 almost had a stro#e yesterday when 2 heard he was "eing gi!en an honora"le discharge. 2t$s terrifying simply terrifying.( And then Thurd san# into a delerium.

HEA$) ARTERS AIR PR!VI"G GR! "$ C!%%A"$ UNITED STATES AIR FORCE E*l+n A+r #or,e Base, #lor+-a A11+)SS +)./H ATTN9 0ase Staff .ersonnel Cfficer .ersonnel +eport9 AJ@C Hunter S. Thompson @? Aug <8 6. AJ@C Hunter S. Thompson, AF6<<;=>87, has wor#ed in the 2nternal 2nformation Section, C2S, for nearly one year. 1uring this time he has done some outstanding sports writing, "ut ignored A.*C C2S policy. @. Airman Thompson possesses outstanding talent in writing. He has imagination, good use

7 of )nglish, and can express his thoughts in a manner that ma#es interesting reading. ?. Howe!er, in spite of fre&uent counseling with explanation of the reasons for the conser!ati!e policy on an AF "ase newspaper, Airman Thompson has consistently written contro!ersial material and leans so strongly to critical editorializing that it was necessary to re&uire that all his writing "e thoroughly edited "efore release. ;. The first article that called attention to the writing noted a"o!e was a story !ery critical of 0ase Special Ser!ices. Cthers that were stopped "efore they were printed were pieces that se!erely criticized Arthur *odfrey and Ted 4illiams that Airman Thompson extracted from national media releases and added his flair for the innuendo and exaggeration. <. This Airman has indicated poor %udgment from other standpoints "y releasing Air Force information to the .layground News himself, with no consideration for other papers in the area, or the fact that only official releases, carefully censored "y competent C2S staff mem"ers, are allowed. =. 2n summary, this Airman, although talented, will not "e guided "y policy or personal ad!ice and guidance. Sometimes his re"el and superior attitude seems to ru" off on other airmen staff mem"ers. He has little consideration for military "earing or dress and seems to disli#e the ser!ice and want out as soon as possi"le. 8. Conse&uently, it is re&uested that Airman Thompson "e assigned to other duties immediately, and it is recommended that he "e earnestly considered under the early release program. >. 2t is also re&uested that Airman Thompson "e officially ad!ised that he is to do no writing of any #ind for internal or external pu"lication unless such writing is edited "y the C2S staff, and that he is not to accept outside employment with any of the local media. 4. S. )DANS, Colonel, -SAF Chief, Cffice of 2nformation Ser!ices

PART 1

Author.s "ote
"Art is long and life is short! and success is ver' far off." A. Conrad 4ell. . . yes, and here we go again. 0ut "efore we get to The 4or#, as it were, 2 want to ma#e sure 2 #now how to cope with this elegant typewriter Eand, yes, it appears that 2 doF so why not ma#e this &uic# list of my life$s wor# and then get the hell out of town on the 669:< to 1en!erG 2ndeed. 4hy notG 0ut for %ust a moment 2$d li#e to say, for the permanent record, that it is a !ery strange feeling to "e a ;: year old American writer in this century and sitting alone in this huge "uilding on Fifth

8 A!enue in New Hor# at one o$cloc# in the morning on the night "efore Christmas )!e, @::: miles from home, and compiling a ta"le of contents for a "oo# of my own Collected 4or#s in an office with a tall glass door that leads out to a "ig terrace loo#ing down on The .laza Fountain. Dery strange. 2 feel li#e 2 might as well "e sitting up here car!ing the words for my own tom"stone. . . and when 2 finish, the only fitting exit will "e right straight off this fuc#ing terrace and into The Fountain, @> stories "elow and at least @:: yards out in the air and across Fifth A!enue. No"ody could follow that act. Not e!en me. . . and in fact the only way 2 can deal with this eerie situation at all is to ma#e a conscious decision that 2 ha!e already li!ed and finished the life 2 planned to li!e E6? years longer, in factF and e!erything from now on will "e A New /ife, a different thing, a gig that ends tonight and starts tomorrow morning. So if 2 decided to leap for The Fountain when 2 finish this memo, 2 want to ma#e one thing perfectly clear 2 would genuinely lo!e to ma#e that leap, and if 2 don$t 2 will always consider it a mista#e and a failed opportunity, one of the !ery few serious mista#es of my First /ife that is now ending. 0ut what the hellG 2 pro"a"ly won$t do it Efor all the wrong reasonsF, and 2$ll pro"a"ly finish this ta"le of contents and go home for Christmas and then ha!e to li!e for 6:: more years with all this goddamn gi""erish 2$m lashing together. 0ut, Aesus, it would "e a wonderful way to go out. . . and if 2 do you "astards are going to owe me a #ing hell ;; gun salutr Ethat word is (salute,( goddamnit and 2 guess 2 can$t wor# this elegant typewriter as well as 2 thought 2 couldF. . . 0ut you #now 2 could! if 2 had %ust a little more time. +ightG Hes. HST K2, +.2... 6@J@?J88

#ear an- Loath+n* +n the Bunker

(. . . the milkman left me a note 'esterda'. (et out of this to"n b' noon! )ou*re coming on "a' too soon And besides that "e never liked 'ou an'"a'. . ." Aohn .rine 4oody Cree#, Col. Strange epitaph for a strange year and no real point in explaining it either. 2 ha!en$t had a mil#man since 2 was ten years old. 2 used to ride around on the route with him, "ac# in /ouis!ille. 2t was one of those open door, stand up !ans that you could %ump in and out of on the run. He would creep that rancid smelling truc# along the street from house to house while 2 ran "ac# and forth with the goods. 2 was the runner, the mule, and occasionally the "agman when some poor wretch "ehind on her mil# "ill had to either pay up or drin# water for "rea#fast that morning.

9 Those scenes were always unsettling some half awa#e, middle aged housewife yelling at me in her "athro"e through the screen door. 0ut 2 was a cold hearted little "astard in those days. (Sorry ma$am, "ut my "oss out there in the truc# says 2 can$t lea!e these "ottles here unless you gi!e me L@6.6=. . .( No argument e!er fazed me. 2 dou"t that 2 e!en heard the words. 2 was there to collect, not to listen and 2 didn$t gi!e a hoot in hell if they paid or not' all 2 really cared a"out was the adrenalin rush that came with sprinting across people$s front lawns, %umping hedges, and hitting that slow rolling truc# "efore it had to stop and wait for me. There is some #ind of hea!y connection "etween that memory and the way 2 feel right now a"out this stin#ing year that %ust ended. )!ery"ody 2 tal# to seems !ery excited a"out it. (*od damn, manI it was a fantastic year,( they say. (Bay"e the most incredi"le year in our history.( 4hich is pro"a"ly true. 2 remem"er thin#ing that way, myself, "ac# on those hot summer mornings when Aohn 1ean$s face lit my tu"e day after day. . . incredi"le. Here was this crafty little ferret going down the pipe right in front of our eyes, and ta#ing the .resident of the -nited States along with him. 2t was almost too good to "e true. +ichard Bilhous Nixon, the main !illain in my political consciousness for as long as 2 can remem"er, was finally "iting that "ullet he$s "een tal#ing a"out all those years. The man that not e!en *oldwater or )isenhower could tolerate had finally gone too far and now he was wal#ing the plan#, on national TD, six hours a day with The 4hole 4orld 4atching, as it were. That phrase is permanently etched on some grey rim on the "ac# of my "rain. No"ody who was at the corner of Bichigan and 0al"oa on that 4ednesday night in August of 67=> will e!er forget it. +ichard Nixon is li!ing in the 4hite House today "ecause of what happened that night in Chicago. Hu"ert Humphrey lost that election "y a handful of !otes mine among them and if 2 had to do it again 2 would still !ote for 1ic# *regory. 2f nothing else, 2 ta#e a certain pride in #nowing that 2 helped spare the nation eight years of .resident Humphrey an Administration that would ha!e "een e&ually corrupt and wrongheaded as +ichard Nixon$s, far more de!ious, and pro"a"ly %ust competent enough to #eep the ship of state from sin#ing until 678=. Then with the "oiler a"out to explode from eight years of "lather and neglect, Humphrey$s cold war li"erals could ha!e fled down the ratlines and left the disaster to whoe!er inherited it. Nixon, at least, was "lessed with a mixture of arrogance and stupidity that caused him to "low the "oilers almost immediately after ta#ing command. 0y "ringing in hundreds of thugs, fixers and fascists to run the *o!ernment, he was a"le to cran# almost e!ery pro"lem he touched into a mind"ending crisis. A"out the only disaster he hasn$t "rought down on us yet is a nuclear war with either +ussia or China or "oth. . . "ut he still has time, and the odds on his actually doing it are not all that long. 0ut we will get to that point in a moment. For now, we should ma#e e!ery effort to loo# at the "right side of the Nixon Administration. 2t has "een a failure of such monumental proportions that political apathy is no longer considered fashiona"le, or e!en safe, among millions of people who only two years ago thought that any"ody who disagreed openly with (the *o!ernment( was either paranoid or su"!ersi!e. .olitical candidates in 678;, at least, are going to ha!e to deal with an angry, disillusioned electorate that is not li#ely to settle for flag wa!ing and pompous "ullshit. The 4atergate spectacle was a shoc#, "ut the fact of a millionaire .resident paying less income tax than most construction wor#ers while gasoline costs a dollar in 0roo#lyn and the threat of mass unemployment "y spring tends to personalize Br. Nixon$s failures in a !ery !isceral way. )!en Senators and Congressmen ha!e "een sha#en out of their slothful ruts, and the possi"ility of impeachment is "eginning to loo# !ery real. *i!en all this, it is hard to shed anything "ut crocodile tears o!er 4hite House speechwriter .atric# 0uchanan$s tragic

10 analysis of the Nixon de"acle. (2t$s li#e Sisyphus,( he said. (4e rolled the roc# all the way up the mountain. . . and it rolled right "ac# down on us.( 4ell. . . shuc#s. 2t ma#es a man$s eyes damp, for sure. 0ut 2 ha!e a lot of confidence in .at, and 2 suspect he won$t ha!e much trou"le finding other roc#s to roll. 2 ha!e not read (The Byth of Sisyphus( for a while, "ut if memory ser!es there is nothing in that story to indicate that the poor "ugger e!er ga!e any thought to the real nature or specific gra!ity of that roc# that would e!entually roll "ac# on him which is understanda"le, perhaps, "ecause when you$re loc#ed into that #ind of do or die gig, you #eep pushing and as# &uestions later. 2f any of those six hundred !aliant fools who rode in The Charge of the /ight 0rigade had any dou"ts a"out what they were doing, they #ept it to themsel!es. There is no room in Crusades, especially at the command le!el, for people who as# (4hyG( Neither Sisyphus nor the commander of the /ight 0rigade nor .at 0uchanan had the time or any real inclination to &uestion what they were doing. They were *ood Soldiers, True 0elie!ers. . . and when the orders came down from a"o!e they did what had to "e done9 )xecute. 4hich is admira"le in a &ueer #ind of way. . . except that Sisyphus got mashed, the /ight 0rigade slaughtered, and .at 0uchanan will sur!i!e in the footnotes of history as a #ind of half mad 1a!y Croc#ett on the walls of Nixon$s Alamo a martyr, to the "itter end, to a (flawed( cause and a narrow, ata!istic concept of conser!ati!e politics that has done more damage to itself and the country in less than six years than its li"eral enemies could ha!e done in two or three decades. 4hen the cold eye of history loo#s "ac# on +ichard Nixon$s fi!e years of unrestrained power in the 4hite House, it will show that he had the same effect on conser!ati!eJ+epu"lican politics as Charles Banson and the Hells Angels had on hippies and flower power. . . and the ultimate damage, on "oth fronts, will pro!e out to "e %ust a"out e&ual. Cr may"e not at least not on the scale of sheer num"ers of people affected. 2n retrospect, the grisly !iolence of the BansonJAngels trips affected !ery few people directly, while the greedy, fascistic incompetence of +ichard Nixon$s .residency will lea!e scars on the minds and li!es of a whole generation his supporters and political allies no less than his opponents. Bay"e that$s why the end of this incredi"le, frantic year feels so hollow. /oo#ing "ac# on the sixties, and e!en "ac# to the fifties, the fact of .resident Nixon and e!erything that has happened to him and to us seem so &ueerly fated and ine!ita"le that it is hard to reflect on those years and see them unfolding in any other way. Cne of the strangest things a"out these fi!e downhill years of the Nixon .residency is that despite all the sa!age excesses committed "y the people he chose to run the country, no real opposition or realistic alternati!e to +ichard Nixon$s cheap and mean hearted !iew of the American 1ream has e!er de!eloped. 2t is almost as if that sour 67=> election rang down the curtain on career politicians. This is the horror of American politics today not that +ichard Nixon and his fixers ha!e "een crippled, con!icted, indicted, disgraced and e!en %ailed "ut that the only a!aila"le alternati!es are not much "etter' the same dim collection of "urned out hac#s who ha!e "een fouling our air with their gi""erish for the last twenty years. How long, oh /ord, how longG And how much longer will we ha!e to wait "efore some high powered shar# with a fistful of answers will finally "ring us face to face with the ugly &uestion that is already so close to the surface in this country, that sooner or later e!en politicians will ha!e to cope with itG 2s the democracy worth all the ris#s and pro"lems that necessarily go with itG Cr, would we all "e happier "y admitting that the whole thing was a lar# from the start and now that it hasn$t wor#ed out, to hell with it. That mil#man who made me his "agman was no fool. 2 too# my orders from him and it ne!er

11 occurred to me to wonder where his came from. 2t was enough for me to cruise those elm lined streets in a "ig, "right colored !an and deli!er the goods. 0ut 2 was ten years old then and 2 didn$t #now much. . . or at least not as much as 2 #now now. 0ut e!ery once in a while, on humorless nights li#e these, 2 thin# a"out how sharp and sure 2 felt when 2 was sprinting across those manicured lawns, %umping the finely trimmed hedges and hitting the running "oard on that slow cruising truc#. 2f the mil#man had gi!en me a pistol and told me to put a "ullet in the stomach of any slo" who haggled a"out the "ill, 2 would pro"a"ly ha!e done that, too. 0ecause the mil#man was my "oss and my "enefactor. He dro!e the truc# and as far as 2 was concerned he might as well ha!e "een the .ope or the .resident. Cn a (need to #now( "asis, the mil#man understood that 2 was not among the needy. Nor was he, for that matter. 4e were "oth a lot happier %ust doing what we were told. *eorge Crwell had a phrase for it. Neither he nor Aldous Huxley had much faith in the future of participatory democracy. Crwell e!en set a date9 67>; and the most distur"ing re!elation that emerged from last year$s 4atergate hearings was not so much the arrogance and criminality of Nixon$s henchmen, "ut the aggressi!ely totalitarian character of his whole Administration. 2t is ugly to #now %ust how close we came to meeting Crwell$s deadline. Beanwhile, it is tempting to dismiss the ominous fact that +ichard Nixon is still the .resident. The spectre of impeachment lends more and more weight to the pro"a"ility of his resignation. 2f 2 were a gam"ling person which 2 am, whene!er possi"le 2 would "et that Nixon will resign for (reasons of health( within the next six months. 2t will "e a nasty gig when it happens' a maudlin spectacle in prime time on all four TD networ#s. He will #ic# out the %ams in a desperate "id for martyrdom, and then he will fly off, fore!er, to a life of "rooding isolation perhaps on one of +o"ert A"planalp$s pri!ate islands in the 0ahamas. There will "e all night po#er games on the palm screened patio, with other wealthy exiles li#e Howard Hughes and +o"ert Desco and occasionally 0e"e +e"ozo. . . and Nixon, the doomed exile, will spend the daylight hours dictating his memoirs in a permanent state of high fe!er and !engefulness to his faithful secretary and companion, +ose Bary 4oods. The only other residents on the island will "e Secret Ser!ice guards assigned on a six month rotation "asis "y Acting .resident *erald Ford. That is one scenario, and the odds would seem to fa!or it. 0ut there are &uite a few others all "ased on the grim possi"ility that +ichard Nixon might ha!e no intention at all of resigning. He %ust may ha!e already s#etched out a last ditch, 1 1ay style "attle plan that would turn the tide with one stro#e and scuttle any mo!e for impeachment. 4hich "rings us "ac# to the &uestion of nuclear war, or at least a &uic# nuclear zap against China, with the full and formal support of our old ally, +ussia. There is a fiendish simplicity in this plan, a Hitieres&ue logic so awful that 2 would not e!en thin# a"out printing it unless 2 were a"solutely certain that Nixon was at least a year ahead of me in the plan and all its details. )!en now, 2 suspect, he spends the last half hour of each day #eeping it constantly up to date on one of his yellow legal pads. So here it is the Final Solution to Almost All Cur .ro"lems9 6F A long term treaty with +ussia, arranged "y Henry ,issinger, securing Boscow$s support of an American in!asion, seizure and terminal occupation of all oil producing countries in the Biddle )ast. This would not only sol!e the (energy crisis( and end unemployment immediately "y pressing all idle and a"le "odied males into ser!ice for the in!asionJoccupation forces. . . "ut it would also cran# up the economy to a wartime le!el and gi!e the Federal *o!ernment unlimited (emergency powers.( @F 2n exchange for +ussian support for our !iolent seizure of all Biddle )ast oil reser!es, the

12 -nited States would agree to support the -SS+ in a (pre empti!e nuclear stri#e( against targets in China, destroying at least 7: per cent of that nation$s industrial capacity and reducing the population to a state of chaos, panic and famine for the next hundred years. This would end the ,remlin$s worries a"out China, guarantee peace in 2ndochina for the foreseea"le future, and insure a strong and friendly ally, in Aapan, as #ingpin of the )ast. These are merely the highlights of the Final Solution. No dou"t there are other and uglier aspects, "ut my time and space are too limited for any long screeds on the su"%ect. The only real &uestion is whether Br. Nixon is mad enough to run the ris# of paralyzing "oth the Congress and the people "y resorting to such drastic measures. There is no dou"t at all, in my own mind, that he is capa"le of it. 0ut it will not "e &uite as easy for him now as it would ha!e "een last year. Six months ago 2 was getting a daily rush out of watching the nightmare unfold. There was a warm sense of poetic %ustice in seeing (fate( dri!e these money changers out of the temple they had wor#ed so hard to steal from its rightful owners. The word (paranoia( was no longer mentioned, except as a %o#e or "y yahoos, in serious con!ersations a"out national politics. The truth was turning out to "e e!en worse than my most (paranoid ra!ings( during that painful 678@ election. 0ut that high is "eginning to fade, tailing down to a !ague sense of angst. 4hate!er happens to +ichard Nixon when the wol!es finally rip down his door seems almost "eside the point, now. He has "een down in his "un#er for so long, that e!en his friends will feel ner!ous if he tries to re emerge. All we can really as# of him, at this point, is a sem"lance of self restraint until some way can "e found to get rid of him gracefully. This is not a cheerful prospect, for Br. Nixon or anyone else "ut it would "e a hell of a lot easier to cope with if we could pic# up a glimmer of light at the end of this foul tunnel of a year that only mad dogs and mil#men can claim to ha!e sur!i!ed without serious "rain damage. Cr may"e it$s %ust me. 2t is ten "elow zero outside and the snow hasn$t stopped for two days. The sun has apparently "een suc#ed into or"it "ehind the comet ,ohoute#. 2s this really a new yearG Are we "ottoming outG Cr are we into The Age of The FearG The Ne" )ork Times! Aanuary 6, 678;

The /entu,k0 $er10 Is $e,a-ent an- $epra2e2 got off the plane around midnight and no one spo#e as 2 crossed the dar# runway to the terminal. The air was thic# and hot, li#e wandering into a steam "ath. 2nside, people hugged each other and shoo# hands. . . "ig grins and a whoop here and there9 (0y *odI Hou old bastard+ (ood to see you, "oyI ,amn good. . . and 2 mean itI( 2n the air conditioned lounge 2 met a man from Houston who said his name was something or other ("ut %ust call me Aim"o( and he was here to get it on. (2$m ready for an'thing! "y *odI Anything at all. Heah, what are you drin#inG( 2 ordered a Bargarita with ice, "ut he wouldn$t hear of it9 (Naw, naw. . . what the hell #ind of drin# is that for ,entuc#y 1er"y timeG 4hat$s wrong with you, "oyG( He grinned and win#ed at the "artender. (*oddamn, we gotta educate this "oy. *et him some good "hiske'. . .( 2 shrugged. (C#ay, a dou"le Cld Fitz on ice.( Aim"o nodded his appro!al. (/oo#.( He tapped me on the arm to ma#e sure 2 was listening. (2 #now this 1er"y crowd, 2 come here e!ery year, and let me tell you one thing 2$!e learned this is no town to "e gi!ing people the impression you$re some #ind of faggot. Not in pu"lic, anyway. Shit, they$ll roll you in a minute, #noc# you in the head and ta#e e!ery goddam cent you ha!e.(

13 2 than#ed him and fitted a Barl"oro into my cigarette holder. (Say,( he said, (you loo# li#e you might "e in the horse "usiness . .. am 2 rightG( (No,( 2 said. (2$m a photographer.( (Ch yeahG( He eyed my ragged leather "ag with new interest. (2s that what you got there camerasG 4ho you wor# forG( "-la'bo'!" 2 said. He laughed. (4ell, goddamI 4hat are you gonna ta#e pictures of ne##id horsesG HawI 2 guess you$ll "e wor#in$ pretty hard when they run the ,entuc#y Ca#s. That$s a race %ust for fillies.( He was laughing wildly. (Hell yesI And they$ll all "e ne##id tooI( 2 shoo# my head and said nothing' %ust stared at him for a moment, trying to loo# grim. (There$s going to "e trou"le,( 2 said. (By assignment is to ta#e pictures of the riot.( (4hat riotG( 2 hesitated, twirling the ice in my drin#. (At the trac#. Cn 1er"y 1ay. The 0lac# .anthers.( 2 stared at him again. (1on$t you read the newspapersG( The grin on his face had collapsed. (4hat the hell are you tal#in a"outG( (4ell. . . may"e 2 shouldn$t "e telling you. . .( 2 shrugged. (0ut hell, e!ery"ody else seems to #now. The cops and the National *uard ha!e "een getting ready for six wee#s. They ha!e @:,::: troops on alert at Fort ,nox. They$!e warned us all the press and photographers to wear helmets and special !ests li#e fla# %ac#ets. 4e were told to expect shooting. . .( (NoI( he shouted' his hands flew up and ho!ered momentarily "etween us, as if to ward off the words he was hearing. Then he whac#ed his fist on the "ar. (Those sons of "itchesI *od AlmightyI The ,entuc#y 1er"yI( He #ept sha#ing his head. (NoI Jesus+ That$s almost too "ad to "elie!eI( Now he seemed to "e sagging on the stool, and when he loo#ed up his eyes were misty. (4hyG 4hy here. 1on$t they respect an'thing." 2 shrugged again. (2t$s not %ust the .anthers. The F02 says "usloads of white crazies are coming in from all o!er the country to mix with the crowd and attac# all at once, from e!ery direction. They$ll "e dressed li#e e!ery"ody else. Hou #now coats and ties and all that. 0ut when the trou"le starts. . . well, that$s why the cops are so worried.( He sat for a moment, loo#ing hurt and confused and not &uite a"le to digest all this terri"le news. Then he cried out9 (Ch. . . AesusI 4hat in the name of *od is happening in this countryG 4here can you get a"a' from itG( (Not here,( 2 said, pic#ing up my "ag. (Than#s for the drin#. . . and good luc#.( He gra""ed my arm, urging me to ha!e another, "ut 2 said 2 was o!erdue at the .ress Clu" and hustled off to get my act together for the awful spectacle. At the airport newsstand 2 pic#ed up a /ourier#Journal and scanned the front page headlines9 (Nixon Sends *2$s into Cam"odia to Hit +eds(. . . (0 <@$s +aid, then @,::: *2$s Ad!ance @: Biles(. . . (;,::: -.S. Troops 1eployed Near Hale as Tension *rows C!er .anther .rotest.( At the "ottom of the page was a photo of 1iane Crump, soon to "ecome the first woman %oc#ey e!er to ride in the ,entuc#y 1er"y. The photographer had snapped her (stopping in the "arn area to fondle her mount, Fathom.( The rest of the paper was spotted with ugly war news and stories of (student unrest.( There was no mention of any trou"le "rewing at a uni!ersity in Chio called ,ent State. 2 went to the Hertz des# to pic# up my car, "ut the moonfaced young swinger in charge said they didn$t ha!e any. (Hou can$t rent one anywhere,( he assured me. (Cur 1er"y reser!ations ha!e "een "oo#ed for six wee#s.( 2 explained that my agent had confirmed a white Chrysler con!erti"le for me that !ery afternoon "ut he shoo# his head. (Bay"e we$ll ha!e a cancellation. 4here are you stayingG( 2 shrugged. (4here$s the Texas crowd stayingG 2 want to "e with my people.( He sighed. (By friend, you$re in trou"le. This town is flat full. Always is, for the 1er"y.( 2 leaned closer to him, half whispering9 (/oo#, 2$m from -la'bo'. How would you li#e a

14 %o"G( He "ac#ed off &uic#ly. (4hatG Come on, now. 4hat #ind of a %o"G( (Ne!er mind,( 2 said. (Hou %ust "lew it.( 2 swept my "ag off the counter and went to find a ca". The "ag is a !alua"le prop in this #ind of wor#' mine has a lot of "aggage tags on it SF, /A, NH, /ima, +ome, 0ang#o#, that sort of thing and the most prominent tag of all is a !ery official, plastic coated thing that says (.hotog. .lay"oy Bag.( 2 "ought it from a pimp in Dail, Colorado, and he told me how to use it. (Ne!er mention -la'bo' until you$re sure they$!e seen this thing first,( he said. (Then, when you see them notice it, that$s the time to stri#e. They$ll go "elly up e!ery time. This thing is magic, 2 tell you. .ure magic.( 4ell. . . may"e so. 2$d used it on the poor gee# in the "ar, and now, humming along in a Hellow Ca" toward town, 2 felt a little guilty a"out %angling the poor "ugger$s "rains with that e!il fantasy. 0ut what the hellG Any"ody who wanders around the world saying, (Hell yes, 2$m from Texas,( deser!es whate!er happens to him. And he had, after all, come here once again to ma#e a nineteenth century ass of himself in the midst of some %aded, ata!istic frea#out with nothing to recommend it except a !ery salea"le (tradition.( )arly in our chat, Aim"o had told me that he hasn$t missed a 1er"y since 67<;. (The little lady won$t come anymore,( he said. (She %ust grits her teeth and turns me loose for this one. And when 2 say $loose$ 2 do mean loose+ 2 toss ten dollar "ills around li#e they were goin$ outa styleI Horses, whis#ey, women. . . shit, there$s women in this town that$ll do an'thing for money.( 4hy notG Boney is a good thing to ha!e in these twisted times. )!en +ichard Nixon is hungry for it. Cnly a few days "efore the 1er"y he said, (2f 2 had any money 2$d in!est it in the stoc# mar#et.( And the mar#et, meanwhile, continued its grim slide. The next day was hea!y. 4ith only thirty hours until post time 2 had no press credentials and according to the sports editor of the /ouis!ille /ourier#Journal no hope at all of getting any. 4orse, 2 needed t"o sets' one for myself and another for +alph Steadman, the )nglish illustrator who was coming from /ondon to do some 1er"y drawings. All 2 #new a"out him was that this was his first !isit to the -nited States. And the more 2 pondered that fact, the more it ga!e me the fear. How would he "ear up under the heinous culture shoc# of "eing lifted out of /ondon and plunged into a drun#en mo" scene at the ,entuc#y 1er"yG There was no way of #nowing. Hopefully, he would arri!e at least a day or so ahead, and gi!e himself time to get acclimated. Bay"e a few hours of peaceful sightseeing in the 0luegrass country around /exington. By plan was to pic# him up at the airport in the huge .ontiac 0all"uster 2$d rented from a used car salesman named Colonel Muic#, then whis# him off to some peaceful setting that might remind him of )ngland. Colonel Muic# had sol!ed the car pro"lem, and money Efour times the normal rateF had "ought two rooms in a scum"ox on the outs#irts of town. The only other #in# was the tas# of con!incing the moguls at Churchill 1owns that Scanlan*s was such a prestigious sporting %ournal that common sense compelled them to gi!e us two sets of the "est press tic#ets. This was not easily done. By first call to the pu"licity office resulted in total failure. The press handler was shoc#ed at the idea that anyone would "e stupid enough to apply for press credentials two days "efore the 1er"y. (Hell, you can$t "e serious,( he said. (The deadline was two months ago. The press "ox is full' there$s no more room. . . and what the hell is Scanlan*s Monthl' anywayG( 2 uttered a painful groan. (1idn$t the /ondon office call youG They$re flying an artist o!er to do the paintings. Steadman. He$s 2rish, 2 thin#. Dery famous o!er there. Hes. 2 %ust got in from the Coast. The San Francisco office told me we were all set.( He seemed interested, and e!en sympathetic, "ut there was nothing he could do. 2 nattered him with more gi""erish, and finally he offered a compromise9 he could get us two passes to the clu"house grounds "ut the clu"house itself and especially the press "ox were out of the &uestion. (That sounds a little weird,( 2 said. (2t$s unaccepta"le. 4e must ha!e access to e!erything.

15 All of it. The spectacle, the people, the pageantry and certainly the race. Hou don$t thin# we came all this way to watch the damn thing on tele!ision, do youG Cne way or another we$ll get inside. Bay"e we$ll ha!e to "ri"e a guard or e!en Bace some"ody.( E2 had pic#ed up a spray can of Bace in a downtown drugstore for L<.7> and suddenly, in the midst of that phone tal#, 2 was struc# "y the hideous possi"ilities of using it out at the trac#. Bacing ushers at the narrow gates to the clu"house inner sanctum, then slipping &uic#ly inside, firing a huge load of Bace into the go!ernor$s "ox, %ust as the race starts. Cr Bacing helpless drun#s in the clu"house restroom, for their own good. . .F 0y noon on Friday 2 was still without credentials and still una"le to locate Steadman. For all 2 #new he$d changed his mind and gone "ac# to /ondon. Finally, after gi!ing up on Steadman and trying unsuccessfully to reach my man in the press office, 2 decided my only hope for credentials was to go out to the trac# and confront the man in person, with no warning demanding only one pass now, instead of two, and tal#ing !ery fast with a strange lilt in my !oice, li#e a man trying hard to control some inner frenzy. Cn the way out, 2 stopped at the motel des# to cash a chec#. Then, as a useless afterthought, 2 as#ed if "y any wild chance a Br. Steadman had chec#ed in. The lady on the des# was a"out fifty years old and !ery peculiar loo#ing' when 2 mentioned Steadman$s name she nodded, without loo#ing up from whate!er she was writing, and said in a low !oice. (Hou "et he did.( Then she fa!ored me with a "ig smile. (Hes, indeed. Br. Steadman %ust left for the racetrac#. 2s he a friend of yoursG( 2 shoo# my head. (2$m supposed to "e wor#ing with him, "ut 2 don$t e!en #now what he loo#s li#e. Now, goddammit, 2$ll ha!e to find him in that mo" at the trac#.( She chuc#led. (Hou won$t ha!e any trou"le finding him. Hou could pic# that man out of any crowd.( (4hyG( 2 as#ed. (4hat$s wrong with himG 4hat does he loo# li#eG( (4ell. . .( she said, still grinning, (he$s the funniest loo#ing thing 2$!e seen in a long time. He has this. . . ah. . . this gro"th all o!er his face. As a matter of fact it$s all o!er his head." She nodded. (Hou$ll #now him when you see him' don$t worry a"out that.( Creeping Aesus, 2 thought. That screws the press credentials. 2 had a !ision of some ner!e rattling gee# all co!ered with matted hair and string warts showing up in the press office and demanding Scanlan*s press pac#et. 4ell. . . what the hellG 4e could always load up on acid and spend the day roaming around the clu"house grounds with "ig s#etch pads, laughing hysterically at the nati!es and swilling mint %uleps so the cops wouldn$t thin# we$re a"normal. .erhaps e!en ma#e the act pay9 set up an easel with a "ig sign saying, (/et a Foreign Artist .aint Hour .ortrait, L6: )ach. 1o 2t NC4I( 2 too# the expressway out to the trac#, dri!ing !ery fast and %umping the monster car "ac# and forth "etween lanes, dri!ing with a "eer in one hand and my mind so muddled that 2 almost crushed a Dol#swagen full of nuns when 2 swer!ed to catch the right exit. There was a slim chance, 2 thought, that 2 might "e a"le to catch the ugly 0ritisher "efore he chec#ed in. 0ut Steadman was already in the press "ox when 2 got there, a "earded young )nglishman wearing a tweed coat and +AF sunglasses. There was nothing particularly odd a"out him. No facial !eins or clumps of "ristly warts. 2 told him a"out the motel woman$s description and he seemed puzzled. (1on$t let it "other you,( 2 said. (Aust #eep in mind for the next few days that we$re in /ouis!ille, ,entuc#y. Not /ondon. Not e!en New Hor#. This is a weird place. Hou$re luc#y that mental defecti!e at the motel didn$t %er# a pistol out of the cash register and "low a "ig hole in you.( 2 laughed, "ut he loo#ed worried. (Aust pretend you$re !isiting a huge outdoor loony "in,( 2 said. (2f the inmates get out of control we$ll soa# them down with Bace.( 2 showed him the can of (Chemical 0illy,( resisting the urge to fire it across the room at a rat faced man typing diligently in the Associated .ress section. 4e were standing at the "ar, sipping the management$s Scotch and congratulating each other on our sudden, unexplained luc# in pic#ing up two sets of fine press credentials. The lady at the des# had

16 "een !ery friendly to him, he said. (2 %ust told her my name and she ga!e me the whole wor#s.( 0y midafternoon we had e!erything under control. 4e had seats loo#ing down on the finish line, color TD and a free "ar in the press room, and a selection of passes that would ta#e us anywhere from the clu"house roof to the %oc#ey room. The only thing we lac#ed was unlimited access to the clu"house inner sanctum in sections (F3*(. . . and 2 felt we needed that, to see the whis#ey gentry in action. The go!ernor, a swinish neo Nazi hac# named /ouie Nunn, would "e in (*,( along with 0arry *oldwater and Colonel Sanders. 2 felt we$d "e legal in a "ox in (*( where we could rest and sip %uleps, soa# up a "it of atmosphere and the 1er"y$s special !i"rations. The "ars and dining rooms are also in (F3*,( and the clu"house "ars on 1er"y 1ay are a !ery special #ind of scene. Along with the politicians, society "elles and local captains of commerce, e!ery half mad ding"at who e!er had any pretensions to anything at all within fi!e hundred miles of /ouis!ille will show up there to get strutting drun# and slap a lot of "ac#s and generally ma#e himself o"!ious. The .addoc# "ar is pro"a"ly the "est place in the trac# to sit and watch faces. No"ody minds "eing stared at' that$s what they$re in there for. Some people spend most of their time in the .addoc#' they can hun#er down at one of the many wooden ta"les, lean "ac# in a comforta"le chair and watch the e!er changing odds flash up and down on the "ig tote "oard outside the window. 0lac# waiters in white ser!ing %ac#ets mo!e through the crowd with trays of drin#s, while the experts ponder their racing forms and the hunch "ettors pic# luc#y num"ers or scan the lineup for right sounding names. There is a constant flow of traffic to and from the pari mutuel windows outside in the wooden corridors. Then, as post time nears, the crowd thins out as people go "ac# to their "oxes. Clearly, we were going to ha!e to figure out some way to spend more time in the clu"house tomorrow. 0ut the (wal#around( press passes to F3* were only good for thirty minutes at a time, presuma"ly to allow the newspaper types to rush in and out for photos or &uic# inter!iews, "ut to pre!ent drifters li#e Steadman and me from spending all day in the clu"house, harassing the gentry and rifling the odd hand"ag or two while cruising around the "oxes. Cr Bacing the go!ernor. The time limit was no pro"lem on Friday, "ut on 1er"y 1ay the wal#around passes would "e in hea!y demand. And since it too# a"out ten minutes to get from the press "ox to the .addoc#, and ten more minutes to get "ac#, that didn$t lea!e much time for serious people watching. And unli#e most of the others in the press "ox, we didn$t gi!e a hoot in hell what was happening on the trac#. 4e had come there to watch the real "easts perform. /ater Friday afternoon, we went out on the "alcony of the press "ox and 2 tried to descri"e the difference "etween what we were seeing today and what would "e happening tomorrow. This was the first time 2$d "een to a 1er"y in ten years, "ut "efore that, when 2 li!ed in /ouis!ille, 2 used to go e!ery year. Now, loo#ing down from the press "ox, 2 pointed to the huge grassy meadow enclosed "y the trac#. (That whole thing,( 2 said, (will "e %ammed with people' fifty thousand or so, and most of them staggering drun#. 2t$s a fantastic scene thousands of people fainting, crying, copulating, trampling each other and fighting with "ro#en whis#ey "ottles. 4e$ll ha!e to spend some time out there, "ut it$s hard to mo!e around, too many "odies.( (2s it safe out thereG 4ill we ever come "ac#G( (Sure,( 2 said. (4e$ll %ust ha!e to "e careful not to step on any"ody$s stomach and start a fight.( 2 shrugged. (Hell, this clu"house scene right "elow us will "e almost as "ad as the infield. Thousands of ra!ing, stum"ling drun#s, getting angrier and angrier as they lose more and more money. 0y midafternoon they$ll "e guzzling mint %uleps with "oth hands and !omiting on each other "etween races. The whole place will "e %ammed with "odies, shoulder to shoulder. 2t$s hard to mo!e around. The aisles will "e slic# with !omit' people falling down and gra""ing at your legs to #eep from "eing stomped. 1run#s pissing on themsel!es in the "etting lines. 1ropping handfuls of money and fighting to stoop o!er and pic# it up.(

17 He loo#ed so ner!ous that 2 laughed. (2$m %ust #idding,( 2 said. (1on$t worry. At the first hint of trou"le 2$ll start pumping this $Chemical 0illy$ into the crowd.( He had done a few good s#etches, "ut so far we hadn$t seen that special #ind of face that 2 felt we would need for the lead drawing. 2t was a face 2$d seen a thousand times at e!ery 1er"y 2$d e!er "een to. 2 saw it, in my head, as the mas# of the whis#ey gentry a pretentious mix of "ooze, failed dreams and a terminal identity crisis' the ine!ita"le result of too much in"reeding in a closed and ignorant culture. Cne of the #ey genetic rules in "reeding dogs, horses or any other #ind of thorough"red is that close in"reeding tends to magnify the wea# points in a "loodline as well as the strong points. 2n horse "reeding, for instance, there is a definite ris# in "reeding two fast horses who are "oth a little crazy. The offspring will li#ely "e !ery fast and also !ery crazy. So the tric# in "reeding thorough"reds is to retain the good traits and filter out the "ad. 0ut the "reeding of humans is not so wisely super!ised, particularly in a narrow Southern society where the closest #ind of in"reeding is not only stylish and accepta"le, "ut far more con!enient to the parents than setting their offspring free to find their own mates, for their own reasons and in their own ways. E(*oddam, did you hear a"out Smitty$s daughterG She went crazy in 0oston last wee# and married a niggerI(F So the face 2 was trying to find in Churchill 1owns that wee#end was a sym"ol, in my own mind, of the whole doomed ata!istic culture that ma#es the ,entuc#y 1er"y what it is. Cn our way "ac# to the motel after Friday$s races 2 warned Steadman a"out some of the other pro"lems we$d ha!e to cope with. Neither of us had "rought any strange illegal drugs, so we would ha!e to get "y on "ooze. (Hou should #eep in mind,( 2 said, (that almost e!ery"ody you tal# to from now on will "e drun#. .eople who seem !ery pleasant at first might suddenly swing at you for no reason at all.( He nodded, staring straight ahead. He seemed to "e getting a little num" and 2 tried to cheer him up "y in!iting him to dinner that night, with my "rother. 0ac# at the motel we tal#ed for a while a"out America, the South, )ngland %ust relaxing a "it "efore dinner. There was no way either of us could ha!e #nown, at that time, that it would "e the last normal con!ersation we would ha!e. From that point on, the wee#end "ecame a !icious, drun#en nightmare. 4e "oth went completely to pieces. The main pro"lem was my prior attachment to /ouis!ille, which naturally led to meeting with old friends, relati!es, etc., many of whom were in the process of falling apart, going mad, plotting di!orces, crac#ing up under the strain of terri"le de"ts or reco!ering from "ad accidents. +ight in the middle of the whole frenzied 1er"y action, a mem"er of my own family had to "e institutionalized. This added a certain amount of strain to the situation, and since poor Steadman had no choice "ut to ta#e whate!er came his way, he was su"%ected to shoc# after shoc#. Another pro"lem was his ha"it of s#etching people he met in the !arious social situations 2 dragged him into then gi!ing them the s#etches. The results were always unfortunate. 2 warned him se!eral times a"out letting the su"%ects see his foul renderings, "ut for some per!erse reason he #ept doing it. Conse&uently, he was regarded with fear and loathing "y nearly e!eryone who$d seen or e!en heard a"out his wor#. He couldn$t understand it. (2t$s sort of a %o#e,( he #ept saying. (4hy, in )ngland it$s &uite normal. .eople don$t ta#e offense. They understand that 2$m %ust putting them on a "it.( (Fuc# )ngland,( 2 said. (This is Biddle America. These people regard what you$re doing to them as a "rutal, "ilious insult. /oo# what happened last night. 2 thought my "rother was going to tear your head off.( Steadman shoo# his head sadly. (0ut 2 li#ed him. He struc# me as a !ery decent, straightforward sort.( (/oo#, +alph,( 2 said. (/et$s not #id oursel!es. That was a !ery horri"le drawing you ga!e him. 2t was the face of a monster. 2t got on his ner!es !ery "adly.( 2 shrugged. (4hy in hell do you thin# we left the restaurant so fastG( (2 thought it was "ecause of the Bace,( he said.

18 (4hat BaceG( He grinned. (4hen you shot it at the headwaiter, don$t you remem"erG( (Hell, that was nothing,( 2 said. (2 missed him. . . and we were lea!ing, anyway.( (0ut it got all o!er us,( he said. (The room was full of that damn gas. Hour "rother was sneezing and his wife was crying. By eyes hurt for two hours. 2 couldn$t see to draw when we got "ac# to the motel.( (That$s right,( 2 said. (The stuff got on her leg, didn$t itG( (She was angry,( he said. $$Heah. . . well, o#ay. . . /et$s %ust figure we fuc#ed up a"out e&ually on that one,( 2 said. (0ut from now on let$s try to "e careful when we$re around people 2 #now. Hou won$t s#etch them and 2 won$t Bace them. 4e$ll %ust try to relax and get drun#.( (+ight,( he said. (4e$ll go nati!e.( 2t was Saturday morning, the day of the 0ig +ace, and we were ha!ing "rea#fast in a plastic ham"urger palace called the Fish Beat Dillage. Cur rooms were %ust across the road in the 0rown Su"ur"an Hotel. They had a dining room, "ut the food was so "ad that we couldn$t handle it anymore. The waitresses seemed to "e suffering from shin splints' they mo!ed around !ery slowly, moaning and cursing the (dar#ies( in the #itchen. Steadman li#ed the Fish Beat place "ecause it had fish and chips. 2 preferred the (French toast,( which was really panca#e "atter, fried to the proper thic#ness and then chopped out with a sort of coo#ie cutter to resem"le pieces of toast 0eyond drin# and lac# of sleep, our only real pro"lem at that point was the &uestion of access to the clu"house. Finally we decided to go ahead and steal two passes, if necessary, rather than miss that part of the action. This was the last coherent decision we were a"le to ma#e for the next forty eight hours. From that point on almost from the !ery moment we started out to the trac# we lost all control of e!ents and spent the rest of the wee#end churning around in a sea of drun#en horrors. By notes and recollections from 1er"y 1ay are somewhat scram"led. 0ut now, loo#ing at the "ig red note"oo# 2 carried all through the scene, 2 see more or less what happened. The "oo# itself is somewhat mangled and "ent' some of the pages are torn, others are shri!eled and stained "y what appears to "e whis#ey, "ut ta#en as a whole, with sporadic memory flashes, the notes seem to tell the story. To wit9 +ain all nite until dawn. No sleep. Christ, here we go, a nightmare of mud and madness. . . "ut no. 0y noon the sun "urns through perfect day, not e!en humid. Steadman is now worried a"out fire. Some"ody told him a"out the clu"house catching on fire two years ago. Could it happen againG Horri"le. Trapped in the press "ox. Holocaust. A hundred thousand people fighting to get out. 1run#s screaming in the flames and the mud, crazed horses running wild. 0lind in the smo#e. *randstand collapsing into the flames with us on the roof. .oor +alph is a"out to crac#. 1rin#ing hea!ily, into the Haig 3 Haig. Cut to the trac# in a ca", a!oid that terri"le par#ing in people$s front yards, L@< each, toothless old men on the street with "ig signs9 .A+, H)+), flagging cars in the yard. (That$s fine, "oy, ne!er mind the tulips.( 4ild hair on his head, straight up li#e a clump of reeds. Sidewal#s full of people all mo!ing in the same direction, towards Churchill 1owns. ,ids hauling coolers and "lan#ets, teeny"oppers in tight pin# shorts, many "lac#s. . . "lac# dudes in white felt hats with leopard s#in "ands, cops wa!ing traffic along. The mo" was thic# for many "loc#s around the trac#' !ery slow going in the crowd, !ery hot. Cn the way to the press "ox ele!ator, %ust inside the clu"house, we came on a row of soldiers all carrying long white riot stic#s. A"out two platoons, with helmets. A man wal#ing next to us said they were waiting for the go!ernor and his party. Steadman eyed them ner!ously. (4hy do they ha!e

19 those clu"sG( (0lac# .anthers,( 2 said. Then 2 remem"ered good old (Aim"o( at the airport and 2 wondered what he was thin#ing right now. .ro"a"ly !ery ner!ous' the place was teeming with cops and soldiers. 4e pressed on through the crowd, through many gates, past the paddoc# where the %oc#eys "ring the horses out and parade around for a while "efore each race so the "ettors can get a good loo#. Fi!e million dollars will "e "et today. Bany winners, more losers. 4hat the hell. The press gate was %ammed up with people trying to get in, shouting at the guards, wa!ing strange press "adges9 Chicago Sporting Times, .itts"urgh .olice Athletic /eague. . . they were all turned away. (Bo!e on, fella, ma#e way for the wor#ing press.( 4e sho!ed through the crowd and into the ele!ator, then &uic#ly up to the free "ar. 4hy notG *et it on. Dery hot today, not feeling well, must "e this rotten climate. The press "ox was cool and airy, plenty of room to wal# around and "alcony seats for watching the race or loo#ing down at the crowd. 4e got a "etting sheet and went outside. .in# faces with a stylish Southern sag, old 2!y styles, seersuc#er coats and "uttondown collars. (Bay"lossom Senility( ESteadman$s phraseF. . . "urnt out early or may"e %ust not much to "urn in the first place. Not much energy in these faces, not much curiosit'. Suffering in silence, nowhere to go after thirty in this life, %ust hang on and humor the children. /et the young en%oy themsel!es while they can. 4hy notG The grim reaper comes early in this league. . . "anshees on the lawn at night, screaming out there "eside that little iron nigger in %oc#ey clothes. Bay"e he$s the one who$s screaming. 0ad 1T$s and too many snarls at the "ridge clu". *oing down with the stoc# mar#et. Ch Aesus, the #id has wrec#ed the new car, wrapped it around the "ig stone pillar at the "ottom of the dri!eway. 0ro#en legG Twisted eyeG Send him off to Hale, they can cure anything up there. HaleG 1id you see today$s paperG New Ha!en is under siege. Hale is swarming with 0lac# .anthers. . . 2 tell you, Colonel, the world has gone mad. 4hy, they tell me a goddamn woman %oc#ey might ride in the 1er"y today. 2 left Steadman s#etching in the .addoc# "ar and went off to place our "ets on the fourth race. 4hen 2 came "ac# he was staring intently at a group of young men around a ta"le not far away. (Aesus, loo# at the corruption in that faceI( he whispered. (/oo# at the madness, the fear, the greedI( 2 loo#ed, then &uic#ly turned my "ac# on the ta"le he was s#etching. The face he$d pic#ed out to draw was the face of an old friend of mine, a prep school foot"all star in the good old days with a slee# red Che!y con!erti"le and a !ery &uic# hand, it was said, with the snaps of a ?@0 "rassiere. They called him (Cat Ban.( 0ut now, a dozen years later, 2 wouldn$t ha!e recognized him anywhere "ut here, where 2 should ha!e expected to find him, in the .addoc# "ar on 1er"y 1ay. . . fat slanted eyes and a pimp$s smile, "lue sil# suit and his friends loo#ing li#e croo#ed "an# tellers on a "inge. . . Steadman wanted to see some ,entuc#y Colonels, "ut he wasn$t sure what they loo#ed li#e. 2 told him to go "ac# to the clu"house men$s rooms and loo# for men in white linen suits !omiting in the urinals. (They$ll usually ha!e large "rown whis#ey stains on the fronts of their suits,( 2 said. (0ut watch the shoes, that$s the tip off. Bost of them manage to a!oid !omiting on their own clothes, "ut they ne!er miss their shoes.( 2n a "ox not far from ours was Colonel Anna Friedman *oldman, /hairman and 0ee&er of the (reat Seal of the $onorable 1rder of 0entuck' /olonels. Not all the 8= million or so ,entuc#y Colonels could ma#e it to the 1er"y this year, "ut many had #ept the faith, and se!eral days prior to the 1er"y they gathered for their annual dinner at the Seel"ach Hotel. The 1er"y, the actual race, was scheduled for late afternoon, and as the magic hour approached 2 suggested to Steadman that we should pro"a"ly spend some time in the infield, that "oiling sea of people across the trac# from the clu"house. He seemed a little ner!ous a"out it, "ut since none of the awful things 2$d warned him a"out had happened so far no race riots, firestorms

20 or sa!age drun#en attac#s he shrugged and said, (+ight, let$s do it.( To get there we had to pass through many gates, each one' a step down in status, then through a tunnel under the trac#. )merging from the tunnel was such a culture shoc# that it too# us a while to ad%ust. (*od almightyI( Steadman muttered. (This is a. . . AesusI( He plunged ahead with his tiny camera, stepping o!er "odies, and 2 followed, trying to ta#e notes. Total chaos, no way to see the race, not e!en the trac#. . . no"ody cares. 0ig lines at the outdoor "etting windows, then stand "ac# to watch winning num"ers flash on the "ig "oard, li#e a giant "ingo game. Cld "lac#s arguing a"out "ets' (Hold on there, 2$ll handle this( Ewa!ing pint of whis#ey, fistful of dollar "illsF' girl riding piggy"ac#, T shirt says, (Stolen from Fort /auderdale Aail.( Thousands of teen agers, group singing (/et the Sun Shine 2n,( ten soldiers guarding the American flag and a huge fat drun# wearing a "lue foot"all %ersey ENo. >:F reeling around with &uart of "eer in hand. No "ooze sold out here, too dangerous. . . no "athrooms either. Buscle 0each. . . 4oodstoc#. . . many cops with riot stic#s, "ut no sign of a riot. Far across the trac# the clu"house loo#s li#e a postcard from the ,entuc#y 1er"y. 4e went "ac# to the clu"house to watch the "ig race. 4hen the crowd stood to face the flag and sing (By Cld ,entuc#y Home,( Steadman faced the crowd and s#etched frantically. Somewhere up in the "oxes a !oice screeched, (Turn around, you hairy frea#I( The race itself was only two minutes long, and e!en from our super status seats and using 6@ power glasses, there was no way to see what was really happening. /ater, watching a TD rerun in the press "ox, we saw what happened to our horses. Holy /and, +alph$s choice, stum"led and lost his %oc#ey in the final turn. Bine, Silent Screen, had the lead coming into the stretch, "ut faded to fifth at the finish. The winner was a 6= 6 shot named 1ust Commander. Boments after the race was o!er, the crowd surged wildly for the exits, rushing for ca"s and "uses. The next day$s /ourier told of !iolence in the par#ing lot' people were punched and trampled, poc#ets were pic#ed, children lost, "ottles hurled. 0ut we missed all this, ha!ing retired to the press "ox for a "it of post race drin#ing. 0y this time we were "oth half crazy from too much whis#ey, sun fatigue, culture shoc#, lac# of sleep and general dissolution. 4e hung around the press "ox long enough to watch a mass inter!iew with the winning owner, a dapper little man named /ehmann who said he had %ust flown into /ouis!ille that morning from Nepal, where he$d ("agged a record tiger.( The sportswriters murmured their admiration and a waiter filled /ehmann$s glass with Chi!as +egal. He had %ust won L6@8,::: with a horse that cost him L=,<:: two years ago. His occupation, he said, was (retired contractor.( And then he added, with a "ig grin, (2 %ust retired.( The rest of that day "lurs into madness. The rest of that night too. And all the next day and night. Such horri"le things occurred that 2 can$t "ring myself e!en to thin# a"out them now, much less put them down in print. Steadman was luc#y to get out of /ouis!ille without serious in%uries, and 2 was luc#y to get out at all. Cne of my clearest memories of that !icious time is +alph "eing attac#ed "y one of my old friends in the "illiard room of the .endennis Clu" in downtown /ouis!ille on Saturday night. The man had ripped his own shirt open to the waist "efore deciding that +alph was after his wife. No "lows were struc#, "ut the emotional effects were massi!e. Then, as a sort of final horror, Steadman put his fiendish pen to wor# and tried to patch things up "y doing a little s#etch of the girl he$d "een accused of hustling. That finished us in the .endennis. Sometime around ten thirty Bonday morning 2 was awa#ened "y a scratching sound at my door. 2 leaned out of "ed and pulled the curtain "ac# %ust far enough to see Steadman outside. (4hat the fuc# do you wantG( 2 shouted.

21 (4hat a"out ha!ing "rea#fastG( he said. 2 lunged out of "ed and tried to open the door, "ut it caught on the night chain and "anged shut again. 2 couldn$t cope with the chainI The thing wouldn$t come out of the trac# so 2 ripped it out of the wall with a !icious %er# on the door. +alph didn$t "lin#. (0ad luc#,( he muttered. 2 could "arely see him. By eyes were swollen almost shut and the sudden "urst of sunlight through the door left me stunned and helpless li#e a sic# mole. Steadman was mum"ling a"out sic#ness and terri"le heat' 2 fell "ac# on the "ed and tried to focus on him as he mo!ed around the room in a !ery distracted way for a few moments, then suddenly darted o!er to the "eer "uc#et and seized a Colt .;<. (Christ,( 2 said. (Hou$re getting out of control.( He nodded and ripped the cap off, ta#ing a long drin#. (Hou #now, this is really awful,( he said finally. (2 must get out of this place. . .( he shoo# his head ner!ously. (The plane lea!es at three thirty, "ut 2 don$t #now if 2$ll ma#e it.( 2 "arely heard him. By eyes had finally opened enough for me to focus on the mirror across the room and 2 was stunned at the shoc# of recognition. For a confused instant 2 thought that +alph had "rought some"ody with him a model for that one special face we$d "een loo#ing for. There he was, "y *od a puffy, drin# ra!aged, disease ridden caricature. . . li#e an awful cartoon !ersion of an old snapshot in some once proud mother$s family photo al"um. 2t was the face we$d "een loo#ing for and it was, of course, my own. Horri"le, horri"le. . . (Bay"e 2 should sleep a while longer,( 2 said. (4hy don$t you go on o!er to the Fish Beat place and eat some of those rotten fish and chipsG Then come "ac# and get me around noon. 2 feel too near death to hit the streets at this hour.( He shoo# his head. (No. . . no. . . 2 thin# 2$ll go "ac# upstairs and wor# on those drawings for a while.( He leaned down to fetch two more cans out of the "eer "uc#et. (2 tried to wor# earlier,( he said, ("ut my hands #eep trem"ling. . . 2t$s teddi"le, teddi"le.( (Hou$!e got to stop this drin#ing,( 2 said. He nodded. (2 #now. This is no good, no good at all. 0ut for some reason it ma#es me feel "etter. . .( (Not for long,( 2 said. (Hou$ll pro"a"ly collapse into some #ind of hysterical 1T$s tonight pro"a"ly %ust a"out the time you get off the plane at ,ennedy. They$ll zip you up in a strait%ac#et and drag you down to the Tom"s, then "eat you on the #idneys with "ig stic#s until you straighten out.( He shrugged and wandered out, pulling the door shut "ehind him. 2 went "ac# to "ed for another hour or so, and later after the daily grapefruit %uice run to the Nite Cwl Food Bart we had our last meal at Fish Beat Dillage9 a fine lunch of dough and "utcher$s offal, fried in hea!y grease. 0y this time +alph wouldn$t e!en order coffee' he #ept as#ing for more water. (2t$s the only thing they ha!e that$s fit for human consumption,( he explained. Then, with an hour or so to #ill "efore he had to catch the plane, we spread his drawings out on the ta"le and pondered them for a while, wondering if he$d caught the proper spirit of the thing. . . "ut we couldn$t ma#e up our minds. His hands were sha#ing so "adly that he had trou"le holding the paper, and my !ision was so "lurred that 2 could "arely see what he$d drawn. (Shit,( 2 said. (4e "oth loo# worse than anything you$!e drawn here.( He smiled. (Hou #now 2$!e "een thin#ing a"out that,( he said. (4e came down here to see this teddi"le scene9 people all pissed out of their minds and !omiting on themsel!es and all that. . . and now, you #now whatG 2t$s us. . .( Huge .ontiac 0all"uster "lowing through traffic on the expressway. A radio news "ulletin says the National *uard is massacring students at ,ent State and Nixon is still "om"ing Cam"odia. The %ournalist is dri!ing, ignoring his passenger who is now nearly na#ed after ta#ing off most of his clothing, which he holds out the window, trying to wind

22 wash the Bace out of it. His eyes are "right red and his face and chest are soa#ed with the "eer he$s "een using to rinse the awful chemicals off his flesh. The front of his woolen trousers is soa#ed with !omit' his "ody is rac#ed with fits of coughing and wild cho#ing so"s. The %ournalist rams the "ig car through traffic and into a spot in front of the terminal, then he reaches o!er to open the door on the passenger$s side and sho!es the )nglishman out, snarling9 (0ug off, you worthless faggotI Hou twisted pigfuc#erI NCrazed laughter.O 2f 2 weren$t sic# 2$d #ic# your ass all the way to 0owling *reen you scumsuc#ing foreign gee#. Bace is too good for you. . . 4e can do without your #ind in ,entuc#y.( Scanlan*s Monthl'! !ol. 2, no. ;, Aune 678:

A Southern C+t0 W+th "orthern Pro1le3s L! ISVILLE

Muino$s Cafe is on Bar#et Street, two "loc#s up the hill from the ri!er in the heart of /ouis!ille$s legal and financial district, and often in the long, damp Chio Dalley afternoons a lot of people who might ordinarily a!oid such a place will find themsel!es standing at Muino$s white formica counter, drin#ing a Fehrs or a Falls City "eer, and eating a (genuine twenty cent "eercheese sandwich( while they s#im through an early edition of the /ouis!ille Times. 2f you stand at the counter and watch the street you will see off duty cops and courthouse loafers, !isiting farmers with fi!e children and a pregnant wife in the ca" of a pic#up truc#, and a well fed collection of lawyers and "ro#ers in two "utton suits and cordo!an shoes. Hou will also see &uite a few Negroes, some of them also wearing "usiness suits and cordo!an shoes. /ouis!ille ta#es pride in its race relations, and the appearance of well dressed Negroes in the Courthouse City Hall district does not raise any eye"rows. This city, #nown as (1er"ytown,( and (The *ateway to the South,( has done an admira"le %o" in "rea#ing down the huge and traditional "arriers "etween the "lac# man and the white. Here in the mint %ulep country, where the Negro used to "e !iewed with all the proprietary concern that men la!ish on a good coon hound E(Treat him fine when he wor#s good "ut when he acts lazy and no count, "eat him till he hollers(F, the integration of the races has made encouraging headway. +acial segregation has "een a"olished in nearly all white pu"lic places. Negroes entered the pu"lic schools in 67<= with so little trou"le that the superintendent of schools was mo!ed to write a "oo# a"out it, called The 2ouisville Stor'. Since then, restaurants, hotels, par#s, mo!ie theaters, stores, swimming pools, "owling alleys, and e!en "usiness schools ha!e "een opened to Negroes. As a clincher, the city recently passed an ordinance that outlaws racial discrimination in any pu"lic accommodation. This has %ust a"out done the deed' out of ninety nine esta"lishments (tested( "y NAAC. wor#ers, there were only four complaints two from the same )ast )nd "ar. Bayor 4illiam Cowger, whose progressi!e +epu"lican administration has caused e!en 1emocrats to mutter with admiration, spo#e for most of his fellow citizens recently when he said, (The stories of !iolence in other citites should ma#e us proud to li!e in /ouis!ille. 4e en%oy national prestige for sane and sensi"le race relations.( All this is true and so it is all the more surprising to !isit /ouis!ille and find so much e!idence to the contrary. 4hy, for instance, does a local Negro leader say, (2ntegration here is a farce(G 4hy, also, has a local Negro minister urged his congregation to arm themsel!esG 4hy do /ouis!ille Negroes "itterly accuse the Federal ur"an renewal pro%ect of creating (de facto segregation(G 4hy can$t a Negro ta#e out a mortgage to "uy a home in most white neigh"orhoodsG And why is there so much "itterness in the remar#s of /ouis!illians "oth "lac# and whiteG

23 (2ntegration is for poor people,( one hears' (they can$t afford to "uy their way out of it.( Cr, (2n ten years, downtown /ouis!ille will "e as "lac# as Harlem.( 4hat is apparent in /ouis!ille is that the Negro has won a few crucial "attles, "ut instead of ma#ing the "rea#through he expected, he has come up against segregation$s second front, where the pro"lems are not mo"s and un%ust laws "ut customs and traditions. The /ouis!ille Negro, ha!ing ta#en the first "asic steps, now faces a far more su"tle thing than the simple (yes( or (no( that his "rothers are still dealing with in most parts of the South. To this extent, /ouis!ille has integrated itself right out of the South, and now faces pro"lems more li#e those of a Northern or Bidwestern city. The white power structure has gi!en way in the pu"lic sector, only to entrench itself more firmly in the pri!ate. And the Negro especially the educated Negro feels that his !ictories are hollow and his (progress( is something he reads a"out in the newspapers. The outloo# for /ouis!ille$s Negroes may ha!e impro!ed from (separate "ut e&ual( to (e&ual "ut separate.( 0ut it still lea!es a good deal to "e desired. The white power structure, as defined "y local Negroes, means the men who run the town, the men who control "an#ing and industry and insurance, who pay "ig taxes and lend "ig money and head important ci!ic committees. Their names are not well #nown to the a!erage citizen, and when they get pu"licity at all it is li#ely to "e in the society sections of the one owner local press. 1uring the day, their head&uarters is the .endennis Clu" on downtown 4alnut Street, where they meet for lunch, s&uash, steam "aths, and coc#tails. (2f you want to get things done in this town,( according to a young lawyer !ery much on the way up, (you$d "etter "elong to the .endennis.( Cn e!enings and wee#ends the scene shifts to the /ouis!ille Country Clu" far out in the )ast )nd, or clear across the county line to Harmony /anding, where good polo and good whis#ey push "usiness out of sight if not out of mind. Any"ody who pays dues to at least two of these clu"s can consider himself a mem"er in good standing of the white power structure. This is the group that determines "y &uiet pressure, direct action, and sometimes e!en default %ust how far and fast /ouis!ille will mo!e toward integration. Among themsel!es, it is clear, they are no more integrated now than they were ten years ago, and they are not li#ely to "e at any time in the near future. They ha!e for the most part ta#en their sons and daughters out of the pu"lic schools or mo!ed to su"ur"an areas where the a"sence of Negroes ma#es integration an a"stract &uestion. The only time they deal acti!ely with Negroes is when they gi!e the maid a ride to the "us stop, get their shoes shined, or attend some necessary "ut unpleasant confrontation with a local Negro spo#esman. 1espite an ancient conditioning to pre%udice, howe!er, they are in the main, a far more progressi!e and enlightened lot than their counterparts in 0irmingham or e!en in a lot of cases than their own sons and daughters. There is a feeling in li"eral circles, especially in New Hor# and 4ashington, that the "anner of racial segregation has little appeal to the younger generation. And Burray ,empton has written that the special challenge of the 67=:$s (is how to appease the Negro without telling the poor white.( 0ut neither theory appears to apply in /ouis!ille. Some of the "itterest racists in town "elong to the "est families, and no Bississippi dirt farmer rants more often against the (niggers( than do some of /ouis!ille$s young up and coming executi!es %ust a few years out of college. At 0auer$s, a fashiona"le pine paneled ta!ern much fre&uented "y the young "uc#s of the social set, the sentiment is o!erwhelmingly anti Negro. /ate in the e!ening some of the ha"itues may find themsel!es carried along in the confusion of drin# and good fellowship toward Bagazine Street in the heart of the colored section. There, at Cli!er$s and 0ig Aohn$s and the 1iamond Horseshoe, the action goes on until dawn and a carload of %o!ial racists are as welcome as any"ody else, "lac# or white. The Negroes suspend their resentment, the whites suspend their pre%udice, and e!ery"ody en%oys the music and the entertainment. 0ut there is little or no mingling, and the acti!ities of the night are

24 &uite separate from those of the day. Hou get a feeling, after a while, that the young are not really serious either a"out denouncing the (nigger( for (not #nowing his place( or a"out ignoring the color line for nocturnal !isits to Bagazine Street. 0oth are luxuries that will not last, and the young are simply en%oying them while they can. Bayor Cowger li#es to say9 (.eople are different here. 4e get along with each other "ecause we don$t li#e trou"le.( Cthers will tell you that /ouis!ille has no o!ert racial pro"lem "ecause the greatest commitment of the ma%ority of white citizens is simply to maintain the status &uo, whate!er it happens to "e. 2n such a society, of course, it might "e argued that almost anything can happen as long as it happens slowly and inconspicuously without getting people stirred up. All of which naturally frustrates the Negro, who has said that he wants freedom now. 2f the Negro were patient and who can tell him he should "eG he would ha!e no pro"lem. 0ut (freedom now( is not in the white /ouis!ille !oca"ulary. A good example of the ma%ority !iewpoint shows up in the housing situation, which at the moment is inextrica"ly lin#ed with ur"an renewal. As it happens, the ur"an renewal pro%ect centers mainly in the downtown Negro district, and most of the people who ha!e to "e relocated are "lac#. 2t also happens that the only part of town to which Negroes can mo!e is the 4est )nd, an old and tree shaded neigh"orhood "ypassed "y progress and now in the throes of a selling panic "ecause of the Negro influx. There is a growing fear, shared "y whites and Negroes ali#e, that the 4est )nd is "ecoming a "lac# ghetto. Fran# Stanley, Ar., the Negro leader who said (2ntegration here is a farce,( "lames ur"an renewal for the pro"lem. (All they$re doing is mo!ing the ghetto, intact, from the middle of town to the 4est )nd.( -r"an renewal officials reply to this "y claiming the o"!ious9 that their %o" is not to desegregate /ouis!ille "ut to relocate people as &uic#ly and ad!antageously as possi"le. (Sure they mo!e to the 4est )nd,( says one official. (4here else can they goG( 2t is a fact that whites are mo!ing out of the 4est )nd as fast as they can. A !ocal minority is trying to stem the tide, "ut there is hardly a "loc# without a (For Sale( sign, and some "loc#s show as many as ten. Het there is (hardly any( race pre%udice in the 4est )nd. Tal# to a man with his house for sale and you$ll "e gi!en to understand that he is not mo!ing "ecause of any reluctance to li!e near Negroes. Far from it' he is proud of /ouis!ille$s progress toward integration. 0ut he is worried a"out the !alue of his property' and you #now, of course, what happens to property !alues when a Negro family mo!es into an all white "loc#. So he$s selling now to get his price while the getting is good. 1epending on the neigh"orhood, he may or may not "e willing to sell to Negroes. The choice is all his, and will "e until /ouis!ille passes an (open housing( ordinance to eliminate s#in as a factor in the "uying and selling of homes. Such an ordinance is already in the planning stage. Beanwhile, the homeowner who will sell to Negroes is a rare "ird except in the 4est )nd. And arguments are presented with great feeling that those who will show their homes only to whites are not pre%udiced, merely considerate of their neigh"ors. (.ersonally, 2 ha!e nothing against colored people,( a seller will explain. (0ut 2 don$t want to hurt the neigh"ors. 2f 2 sold my house to a Negro it would #noc# se!eral thousand dollars off the !alue of e!ery house on the "loc#.( Bost Negro realtors deny this, citing the law of supply and demand. *ood housing for Negroes is scarce, they point out and prices are conse&uently higher than those on the white mar#et, where demand is not so hea!y. There are, howe!er, "oth white and Negro real estate speculators who engage in ("loc# "usting.( They will wor# to place a Negro in an all white "loc#, then try to scare the other residents into selling cheap. Muite often they succeed then resell to Negroes at a "ig profit. According to Aesse .. 4arders, a real estate agent and a long time leader in /ouis!ille$s

25 Negro community, (4hat this town needs is a single mar#et for housing not two, li#e we ha!e now.( 4arders is counting on an (open housing( ordinance, and he maintains that the "iggest o"stacle to open housing without an ordinance is the lac# of Negroes on /ouis!ille$s +eal )state "oard. 2n order to "e a (realtor( in /ouis!ille, a real estate agent has to "e a mem"er of (the 0oard,( which does not accept Negroes. 4arders is a mem"er of the 4ashington "ased National 2nstitute of +eal )state 0ro#ers, which has a"out as much influence here as the French Foreign /egion. /ouis!ille, li#e other cities faced with ur"an decay, has turned to the "uilding of midtown apartments as a means of luring su"ur"anites "ac# to the city center. 2n the newest and "iggest of these, called (The >::,( 4arders tried to place a Negro client. The reaction was a good indicator of the pro"lems facing Negroes after they "rea# the "arrier of outright racism. (1o me a fa!or,( the "uilder of The >:: told 4arders. (/et me get the place fifty per cent full that$s my "rea#e!en point then 2$ll rent to your client.( 4arders was unhappy with the re"uff, "ut he "elie!es the "uilder will e!entually rent to Negroes' and that, he thin#s, is real progress. (4hat should 2 say to the manG( he as#ed. (2 #now for a fact that he$s refused some white people, too. 4hat the man wants is prestige tenants' he$d li#e to ha!e the mayor li!ing in his place, he$d li#e to ha!e the president of the "oard of aldermen. Hell, 2$m in "usiness, too, 2 might not li#e what he says, "ut 2 see his point.( 4arders has "een on the firing line long enough to #now the score. He is con!inced that fear of change and the reluctance of most whites to act in any way that might "e frowned on "y the neigh"ors is the Negroes$ "iggest pro"lem in /ouis!ille. (2 #now how they feel, and so do most of my clients. 0ut do you thin# it$s rightG( The >:: was "uilt with the considera"le help of an FHA guaranteed loan, which places the "uilding automatically in the open housing category. Furthermore, the owner insists that he is color "lind on the su"%ect of tenants. 0ut he assumes none the less that the prestige tenants he wants would not consider li!ing in the same "uilding with Negroes. 2t is the same assumption that moti!ates a homeowner to sell to whites only not "ecause of race pre%udice "ut out of concern for property !alues. 2n other words, almost no"ody has anything against Negroes, "ut e!ery"ody$s neigh"or does. This is galling to the Negroes. Simple racism is an easy thing to confront, "ut a mixture of guilty pre%udice, economic worries and threatened social standing is much harder to fight. (2f all the white people 2$!e tal#ed to had the courage of their con!ictions,( one Negro leader has said, (we wouldn$t ha!e a pro"lem here.( /ouis!ille$s lending institutions frustrate Negroes in the same way. Fran# Stanley, Ar., claims that there$s a gentlemen$s agreement among "an#ers to pre!ent Negroes from getting mortgages to "uy homes in white neigh"orhoods. The complaint would seem to ha!e a certain !alidity, although once again less sinister explanations are offered. The lending agencies cite "usiness reasons, not race pre%udice, as the reason for their stand. Concern for the reaction of their depositors seems to "e a "ig factor, and another is the allegation that such loans would "e a poor ris# especially if the institution holds mortgages on other homes in the neigh"orhood. Here again is the fear of falling property !alues. There is also the &uestion whether a Negro would ha!e any more difficulty getting a mortgage to "uy a home in a white upper class neigh"orhood than would a mem"er of another minority group say, a plum"er named /uciano, proud possessor of six children, a dirty spitz that "ar#s at night, and a ten year old pic#up truc# with (/uciano .lum"ing( painted on the side. Bayor Cowger, a mortgage "an#er himself, insists that a Negro would ha!e no more trou"le than the hypothetical Br. /uciano. Another high ran#ing occupant of City Hall disagrees9 (That$s what the mayor would li#e to thin#, "ut it %ust isn$t true. No"ody in +olling Fields, for instance,

26 would want an 2talian plum"er for a neigh"or, "ut at least they could li!e with him, whereas a Negro would "e unthin#a"le "ecause he$s too o"!ious. 2t wouldn$t matter if he were a doctor or a lawyer or anything else. The whites in the neigh"orhood would fear for the !alue of their property and try to sell it "efore it dropped.( Another common contention is that Negroes (don$t want to mo!e into an all white neigh"orhood.( The )ast )nd, for instance, remains solidly white except for alley dwellings and isolated shac#s. The mayor, who li!es in the )ast )nd, has said, (Negroes don$t want to li!e here. 2t wouldn$t "e congenial for them. There are some fine Negro neigh"orhoods in the 4est )nd "eautiful homes. They don$t try to "uy homes where they won$t "e happy. .eople %ust don$t do things li#e that.( Some people do, howe!er, and it appears that almost without exception they get turned down flat. Cne Negro executi!e with ade&uate funds called a white realtor and made an appointment to loo# at a house for sale in the )ast )nd. Things went smoothly on the telephone, "ut when the Negro arri!ed at the realtor$s office the man was incensed. (4hat are you trying to doG( he demanded. (Hou #now 2 can$t sell you that house. 4hat are you up to, anywayG( No realtor howe!er, admits to racial pre%udice, at least while tal#ing to strangers. They are, they point out, not selling their own homes "ut those of their clients. 2n the same fashion, mortgage "an#ers are &uic# to explain that they do not lend their own money. A man ma#ing in&uiries soon gets the impression that all clients, in!estors, and depositors are !icious racists and dangerous people to cross. 4hich is entirely untrue in /ouis!ille although it is hard to see how a Negro, after ma#ing the rounds of (!ery sympathetic( realtors, could "e expected to "elie!e anything else. Housing ran#s right at the top among /ouis!ille$s racial pro"lems. According to Fran# Stanley, Ar., (Housing is "asic' once we ha!e whites and Negroes li!ing together, the rest will "e a lot easier.( Aesse .. 4arders, the real estate agent, howe!er, rates unemployment as the No. 6 pro"lem area, "ecause (4ithout money you can$t en%oy the other things.( The /ouis!ille Human +elations Commission, one of the first of its #ind in the nation, agrees that although the city has made !ast strides in the areas of education and pu"lic accommodations, the pro"lems of housing and employment are still largely unsol!ed "ecause (These areas are much more complex and confront long esta"lished customs "ased on a heritage of pre%udice.( Cf the two, howe!er, the commission sees housing as a "igger pro"lem. A. Bansir Tydings, executi!e director of the commission, is optimistic a"out the willingness of merchants and other employers to hire Negroes9 (Already and much sooner than we expected our pro"lem is training unemployed Negroes to fill positions that are open.( Het there is still another "ig hurdle, less tangi"le than such, factors as housing and employment "ut perhaps more "asic when it comes to finding an ultimate solution. This is the per!asi!e distrust among the white power structure of the Negro leadership$s moti!es. Cut in the do!e shooting country, in the su"ur"s "eyond the )ast )nd, Stanley is !iewed as an (opportunist politician( and a ("lac# trou"lema#er.( 0ishop )w"an# Tuc#er, the minister who urged his congregation to arm themsel!es, is called an extremist and a 0lac# Buslim. The possi"ility that some of the Negro leaders do sometimes agitate for the sa#e of agitation often cramps the a!enues of communication "etween white and Negro leaders. )!en among Negroes, Stanley is sometimes !iewed with uneasiness and 0ishop Tuc#er called a racist. A former president of the /ouis!ille NAAC., on hearing the statement that local Negroes (resent the national pu"licity concerning /ouis!ille$s progress in race relations,( laughed and dismissed Stanley as a (!ery nice, !ery smart young fella with a lot to learn.( EStanley is twenty six.F (He wants things to go &ro&erl'!" said the NAAC. man. (0ut difficult things ne!er go properly life isn$t that way.( He smiled ner!ously. (Forty years ago 2 came "ac# here thin#ing 2

27 could "e a 0lac# Boses 2 thought 2 was going to set my people free. 0ut 2 couldn$t do it then and it can$t "e done now. 2t$s not a thing you can do o!ernight it$s going to ta#e years and years and years.( Nearly e!eryone agrees with that, and e!en with all its pro"lems, /ouis!ille loo#s to "e a lot further along the road to facing and sol!ing the (Negro pro"lem( than many other cities. )!en Stanley, who appears to ma#e a cult of militant noncompromise, will e!entually admit to a !isitor that he threatens far more demonstrations than he e!er intends to produce. (The white power structure here tries to cling to the status &uo. They #eep telling me not to roc# the "oat, "ut 2 roc# it anyway "ecause it$s the only way to ma#e them mo!e. 4e ha!e to #eep the pressure on them e!ery minute, or we dissipate our strength. (/ouis!ille isn$t li#e 0irmingham,( he adds. (2 thin# there$s a con!iction here that this thing is morally wrong without that, we$d ha!e real trou"le.( The Re&orter! !ol. @7, 1ecem"er 67, 67=?

#ear an- Loath+n* at the Super Bo4l

Gr+3 "otes o5 a #a+le- #an. . . %ano a %ano 4+th the !aklan- Ra+-ers. . . $o4n an!ut +n Houston. . . Is Pro #oot1all o2er the Hu3p6. . . A Va*ue 7 Ven*e5ul S,ree- on Te8as, 9esus, an- the Pol+t+,al Real+t+es o5 the "#L. . . W+ll Ron :+e*ler Be the "e8t Co33+ss+oner6 I (. . . and "hosoever "as not found "ritten into the book of life "as cast into the lake of fire. . .( +e!elations @:96< This was the theme of the sermon 2 deli!ered off the @:th floor "alcony of the Hyatt +egency in Houston on the morning of Super 0owl D222. 2t was %ust "efore dawn, as 2 recall, when the urge to spea# came on me. )arlier that day 2 had found on the tile floor of the Ben$s +oom on the hotel mezzanine a religious comic "oo# titled (A 1emon$s Nightmare,( and it was from the text of this sleazy tract that 2 chose the words of my sermon. The Houston Hyatt +egency li#e others designed "y architect Aohn .ortman in Atlanta and San Francisco is a stac# of 6::: rooms, "uilt around a !ast lo""y at least ?: stories high, with a re!ol!ing (spindletop( "ar on the roof. The whole center of the "uilding is a tower of acoustical space. Hou can wal# out of any room and loo# o!er the indoor "alcony E@: floors down, in my caseF at the palm shrouded, wood and naugahyde maze of the "arJlounge on the lo""y floor. Closing time in Houston is @9:: AB. There are after hours "ars, "ut the Hyatt +egency is not one of them. So when 2 was seized "y the urge to deli!er my sermon at dawn there were only a"out @: ant sized people mo!ing around in the lo""y far "elow. )arlier, "efore the "ar closed, the whole ground floor had "een %ammed with drun#en sportswriters, hard eyed hoo#ers, wandering gee#s and hustlers Eof almost e!ery persuasionF, and a legion of "ig and small gam"lers from all o!er the country who roamed through the drun#en, randy crowd as casually as possi"le with an eye to pic#ing up a last minute suc#er "et from some poor "astard half mad on "ooze and willing to put some money, prefera"ly four or fi!e "ig ones, on (his "oys.( The spread, in Houston, was Biami "y six, "ut "y midnight on Saturday almost e!ery one of the two thousand or so drun#s in the lo""y of the +egency official head&uarters and media !ortex

28 for this eighth annual Super 0owl was a"solutely sure a"out what was going to happen when the deal went down on Sunday, a"out two miles east of the hotel on the fog soa#ed artificial turf of +ice -ni!ersity stadium. Ah. . . "ut waitI 4hy are we tal#ing a"out gam"lers hereG Cr thousands of hoo#ers and drun#en sportswriters %ammed together in a seething mo" in the lo""y of a Houston hotelG And what #ind of sic# and twisted impulse would cause a professional sportswriter to deli!er a sermon from the 0oo# of +e!elations off his hotel "alcony on the dawn of Super SundayG 2 had not planned a sermon for that morning. 2 had not e!en planned to "e in Houston, for that matter. . . 0ut now, loo#ing "ac# on that out"urst, 2 see a certain ine!ita"ility a"out it. .ro"a"ly it was a crazed and futile effort to somehow explain the extremely twisted nature of my relationship with *od, Nixon and the National Foot"all /eague9 The three had long since "ecome insepara"le in my mind, a sort of unholy trinity that had caused me more trou"le and personal anguish in the past few months than +on Piegler, Hu"ert Humphrey and .eter Sheridan all together had caused me in a year on the campaign trail. Cr perhaps it had something to do with my admittedly deep seated need to ha!e pu"lic re!enge on Al 1a!is, general manager of the Ca#land +aiders. . . Cr may"e an o!erweening desire to confess that 2 had "een wrong, from the start, to ha!e e!er agreed with +ichard Nixon a"out an'thing, and especially pro foot"all. 2n any case, it was apparently something 2$d "een cran#ing myself up to deli!er for &uite a while. . . and, for reasons 2 still can$t "e sure of, the eruption finally occurred on the dawn of Super Sunday. 2 howled at the top of my lungs for almost ?: minutes, ra!ing and screeching a"out all those who would soon "e cast into the la#e of fire, for a !ariety of low crimes, misdemeanors and general ugliness that amounted to a sweeping indictment of almost e!ery"ody in the hotel at that hour. Bost of them were asleep when 2 "egan spea#ing, "ut as a 1octor of 1i!inity and an ordained minister in the Church of The New Truth, 2 #new in my heart that 2 was merely a !essel a tool, as it were of some higher and more powerful !oice. For eight long and degrading days 2 had s#ul#ed around Houston with all the other professionals, doing our %o"s which was actually to do nothing at all except drin# all the free "ooze we could pour into our "odies, courtesy of the National Foot"all /eague, and listen to an endless "arrage of some of the lamest and silliest swill e!er uttered "y man or "east. . . and finally, on Sunday morning a"out six hours "efore the opening #ic#off, 2 was rac#ed to the point of hysteria "y a hellish interior conflict. 2 was sitting "y myself in the room, watching the wind 3 weather cloc#s on the TD set, when 2 felt a sudden and extremely powerful mo!ement at the "ase of my spine. Bother of Sweating AesusI 2 thought. 4hat is it a leechG Are there leeches in this goddamn hotel, along with e!erything elseG 2 %umped off the "ed and "egan clawing at the small of my "ac# with "oth hands. The thing felt huge, may"e eight or nine pounds, mo!ing slowly up my spine toward the "ase of my nec#. 2$d "een wondering, all wee#, why 2 was feeling so low and out of sorts. . . "ut it ne!er occurred to me that a giant leech had "een suc#ing "lood out of the "ase of my spine all that time' and now the goddamn thing was mo!ing up towards the "ase of my "rain, going straight for the medulla. . . and as a professional sportswriter 2 #new that if the "ugger e!er reached my medulla 2 was done for. 2t was at this point that serious conflict set in, "ecause 2 realized gi!en the nature of what was coming up my spine and the drastic effect 2 #new it would ha!e, !ery soon, on my sense of %ournalistic responsi"ility that 2 would ha!e to do two things immediately9 First, deli!er the sermon that had "een "rewing in my "rain all wee# long, and then rush "ac# into the room and write

29 my lead for the Super 0owl story. . . Cr may"e write my lead first, and then deli!er the sermon. 2n any case, there was no time to lose. The thing was a"out a third of the way up my spine now, and still mo!ing at good speed. 2 %er#ed on a pair of /./. 0ean stal#ing shorts and ran out on the "alcony to a near"y ice machine. 0ac# in the room 2 filled a glass full of ice and 4ild Tur#ey, then "egan flipping through the pages of (A 1emon$s Nightmare( for some #ind of spiritual spring"oard to get the sermon mo!ing. 2 had already decided a"out midway in the ice run that 2 had ade&uate time to address the sleeping crowd and also cran# out a lead "efore that goddamn "loodsuc#ing slug reached the "ase of my "rain or, e!en worse, if a sharp dose of 4ild Tur#ey happened to slow the thing down long enough to ro" me of my final excuse for missing the game entirely, li#e last year. . . 4hatG 1id my tongue slip thereG By fingersG Cr did 2 %ust get a fine professional hint from my old "uddy, Br. NaturalG 2ndeed. 4hen the going gets tough, the tough get going. Aohn Bitchell said that shortly "efore he &uit his %o" and left 4ashington at 7: miles an hour in a chauffeur dri!en limousine. 2 ha!e ne!er felt close to Aohn Bitchell, "ut on that rotten morning in Houston 2 came as close as 2 e!er will' "ecause he was, after all, a pro. . . and so, alas, was 2. Cr at least 2 had a fistful of press "adges that said 2 was. And it was this "edroc# sense of professionalism, 2 thin#, that &uic#ly sol!ed my pro"lem. . . which, until that moment when 2 recalled the foul spectre of Bitchell, had seemed to re&uire a frantic decision "etween either deli!ering my sermon or writing my lead, in the space of an impossi"ly short time. 4hen the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. 4ho said thatG 2 suspect it was some"ody from the Colum"ia Aournalism +e!iew, "ut 2 ha!e no proof. . . and it ma#es no difference anyway. There is a "ond, among pros, that needs no definition. Cr at least it didn$t on that Sunday morning in Houston, for reasons that re&uire no further discussion at this point in time. . . "ecause it suddenly occurred to me that 3 had alread' "ritten the lead for this year$s Super 0owl game' 2 wrote it last year in /os Angeles, and a &uic# rip through my fat manila folder of clips la"eled (Foot"all $8?( turned it up as if "y magic. 2 %er#ed it out of the file, and retyped it on a fresh page slugged9 (Super 0owlJHouston $8;.( The only change necessary was the su"stitution of (Binnesota Di#ings( for (4ashington +eds#ins.( )xcept for that, the lead seemed %ust as ade&uate for the game that would "egin in a"out six hours as it was for the one that 2 missed in /os Angeles in Aanuary of $8?. "The &recision#4ackhammer attack of the Miami ,ol&hins stom&ed the balls off the Minnesota 5ikings toda' b' stom&ing and hammering "ith one &recise 4ack#thrust after another u& the middle! mi ed "ith &in&oint#&recision &asses into the flat and numerous hammer#4ack sto&s around both ends. . ." The %angling of the telephone caused me to interrupt my wor#. 2 %er#ed it off the hoo#, saying nothing to whoe!er was on the other end, and "egan flashing the hotel operator. 4hen she finally cut in 2 spo#e !ery calmly. (/oo#,( 2 said. (2$m a !ery friendly person and a minister of the gospel, to "oot "ut 2 thought 2 left instructions down there to put no calls NC CA//S, *C11ABN2TI through to this room, and especially not no" in the middle of this orgy. . . 2$!e "een here eight days and no"ody$s called me yet. 4hy in hell would they start nowG. . . 4hatG 4ell, 2 simply can$t accept that #ind of flimsy reasoning, operator. 1o you "elie!e in $ell. Are you ready to spea# with Saint .eterG. . . 4ait a minute now, calm down. . . 2 want to "e sure you understand one thing "efore 2 get "ac# to my "usiness' 2 ha!e some people here who need hel&. . . 0ut 2 want you to #now that *od is HolyI He will not allo" sin in his presenceI The 0i"le says9 $There is none righteous. No! not one. . . For all ha!e sinned and come short of the glory of *od.$ That$s from the "oo# of +omans, young lady. . .(

30 The silence at the other end of the line was "eginning to ma#e me ner!ous. 0ut 2 could feel the sap rising, so 2 decided to continue my sermon from the "alcony. . . and 2 suddenly realized that some"ody was "eating on my door. Aesus god, 2 thought, it$s the manager' they$!e come for me at last. 0ut it was a TD reporter from .itts"urgh, ra!ing drun# and demanding to ta#e a shower. 2 %er#ed him into the room. (Ne!ermind the goddamn shower,( 2 said. (1o you realize what 2 ha!e on my spineG( He stared at me, una"le to spea#. (A giant leech,( 2 said. (2t$s "een there for eight days, getting fatter and fatter with "lood.( He nodded slowly as 2 led him o!er to the phone. (2 hate leeches,( he muttered. (That$s the least of our pro"lems,( 2 said. (+oom ser!ice won$t send any "eer up until noon, and all the "ars are closed. . . 2 ha!e this 4ild Tur#ey, "ut 2 thin# it$s too hea!y for the situation we$re in.( (Hou$re right,( he said. (2 got wor# to do. The goddamn game$s a"out to start. 2 need a shower.( (Be too,( 2 said. (0ut 2 ha!e some wor# to do first, so you$ll ha!e to ma#e the call.( (CallG( He slumped into a chair in front of the window, staring out at the thic# grey mist that had hung on the town for eight days except now, as Super Sunday dawned, it was thic#er and wetter than e!er. 2 ga!e him the phone9 (Call the manager,( 2 said. (Tell him you$re Howard Cosell and you$re !isiting up here with a minister in @::?' we$re ha!ing a pri!ate prayer "rea#fast and we need two fifths of his "est red wine, with a "ox of saltine crac#ers.( He nodded unhappily. (Hell, 2 came here for a shower. 4ho needs the wineG( (2t$s important,( 2 said. (Hou ma#e the call while 2 go outside and get started.( He shrugged and dialed (:( while 2 hurried out to the "alcony, clearing my throat for an opening run at Aames @9679 (0ewareI( 2 shouted, (for the 1e!ils also "elie!e, and trem"leI( 2 waited for a moment, "ut there was no reply from the lo""y, @: floors down so 2 tried )phesians =96@, which seemed more appropriate9 (For we wrestle not,( 2 screamed, (against flesh and "lood "ut against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the dar#ness of this world and, yes against spiritual wic#edness in high placesI( Still there was no response except the "ooming echoes of my own !oice. . . "ut the thing on my spine was mo!ing with new !igor now, and 2 sensed there was not much time. All mo!ement in the lo""y had ceased. They were all standing still down there may"e @: or ?: people. . . "ut were they listening. Could they hear. 2 couldn$t "e sure. The acoustics of these massi!e lo""ies are not predicta"le. 2 #new, for instance, that a person sitting in a room on the 66th floor, with the door open, could hear with unner!ing clarity the sound of a coc#tail glass shattering on the floor of the lo""y. 2t was also true that almost e!ery word of *regg Allman$s (Bulti Colored /ady( played at top !olume on a dual spea#er Sony TC 6@= in an open door room on the @:th floor could "e heard in the NF/ press room on the hotel mezzanine. . . "ut it was hard to "e sure of the tim"re and carrying power of my own !oice in this ca!ern' it sounded, to me, li#e the deep screaming of a "ull el# in the rut. . . "ut there was no way to #now, for sure, if 2 was really getting through. (1isciplineI( 2 "ellowed. (+emem"er Dince /om"ardiI( 2 paused to let that one sin# in waiting for applause, "ut none came. (+emem"er *eorge Betes#yI( 2 shouted. (He had disciplineI( No"ody down in the lo""y seemed to catch that one, although 2 sensed the first stirrings of action on the "alconies %ust "elow me. 2t was almost time for the Free 0rea#fast in the 2mperial 0allroom downstairs, and some of the early rising sportswriters seemed to "e up and a"out. Somewhere "ehind me a phone was ringing, "ut 2 paid no attention. 2t was time, 2 felt, to "ring it all

31 together. . . my !oice was gi!ing out, "ut despite the occasional dead spots and "ursts of high pitched wa!ering, 2 grasped the railing of the "alcony and got "raced for some flat out ra!ing9 (+e!elations, Twenty fifteenI( 2 screamed. (Say Hallelu%ahI HesI Say Hallelu%ahI( .eople were definitely responding now. 2 could hear their !oices, full of excitement "ut the acoustics of the place made it impossi"le to get a good fix on the cries that were "ounding "ac# and forth across the lo""y. 4ere they saying (Hallelu%ah(G (Four more yearsI( 2 shouted. (By friend *eneral Haig has told us that the Forces of 1ar#ness are now in control of the Nation and they will rule for four more yearsI( 2 paused to sip my drin#, then 2 hit it again9 (And Al 1a!is has told us that whosoe!er was not found written in the "oo# of life was cast into the la#e of fireI( 2 reached around "ehind me with my free hand, slapping at a spot "etween my shoulder "lades to slow the thing down. (How many of you will "e cast into the la#e of fire in the next four yearsG $o" man' "ill survive. 2 ha!e spo#en with *eneral Haig, and ( At this point 2 was seized "y "oth arms and %er#ed "ac#wards, spilling my drin# and interrupting the climax of my sermon. (Hou crazy "astardI( a !oice screamed. (/oo# what you$!e doneI The manager %ust called. *et "ac# in the room and loc# the fuc#ing doorI He$s going to "ust usI( 2t was the TD man from .itts"urgh, trying to drag me "ac# from my pulpit. 2 slipped out of his grasp and returned to the "alcony. (This is Super SundayI( 2 screamed. (2 want e!ery one of you worthless "astards down in the lo""y in ten minutes so we can praise *od and sing the national anthemI( At this point 2 noticed the TD man sprinting down the hall toward the ele!ators, and the sight of him running caused something to snap in my "rain. (There he goesI( 2 shouted. (He$s headed for the lo""yI 4atch outI 2t$s Al 1a!is. He has a #nifeI( 2 could see people mo!ing on all the "alconies now, and also down in the lo""y. Then, %ust "efore 2 duc#ed "ac# in my room, 2 saw one of the glass walled ele!ators starting down, with a single figure inside it. . . he was the most !isi"le man in the "uilding' a trapped and crazy animal descending slowly in full !iew of e!ery"ody from the "us"oys in the ground floor coffee shop to Aimmy the *ree# on the "alcony a"o!e me to certain capti!ity "y that ugly crowd at the "ottom. 2 watched for a moment, then hung the 1C NCT 12ST-+0 sign on my door#no" and dou"le loc#ed the door. That ele!ator, 2 #new, would "e empty when it got to the lo""y. There were at least fi!e floors, on the way down, where he could %ump out and "ang on a friendly door for safe refuge. . . and the crowd in the lo""y had not seen him clearly enough, through the tinted glass wall of the ele!ator, to recognize him later on. And there was not much time for !engeance, anyway, on the odd chance that anyone cared. 2t had "een a dull wee#, e!en "y sportswriters$ standards, and now the day of the 0ig *ame was finally on us. Aust one more free "rea#fast, one more ride, and "y nightfall the thing would "e o!er. The first media "us was scheduled to lea!e the hotel for the stadium at 6:9?:, four hours "efore #ic#off, so 2 figured that ga!e me some time to relax and act human. 2 filled the "athtu" with hot water, plugged the tape recorder with "oth spea#ers into a soc#et right next to the tu", and spent the next two hours in a steam stupor, listening to +osalie Sorrels and 1oug Sahm, chewing idly on a small slice of Br. Natural, and reading the /ocaine -a&ers of Sigmund Freud. Around noon 2 went downstairs to the 2mperial 0allroom to read the morning papers o!er the limp dregs of NF/$s free "rea#fast, then 2 stopped at the free "ar for a few "loody marys "efore wandering outside to catch the last "us for the stadium the C0S special complete with more "loody marys, screwdri!ers and a ro!ing wagon meister who seemed to ha!e e!erything under control.

32 Cn the "us to the stadium 2 made a few more "ets on Biami. At that point 2 was pic#ing up e!erything 2 could get, regardless of the points. 2t had "een a long and %angled night, "ut the two things that needed to "e done "efore game time my sermon and my lead were already done, and the rest of the day loo#ed easy9 Aust try to #eep out of trou"le and stay straight enough to collect on all my "ets. The consensus among the 6=:: or so sportswriters in town fa!ored Biami "y almost two to one. . . "ut there are only a handful of sportswriters in this country with enough sense to pour piss out of their own "oots, and "y Saturday night there was an o"!ious drift among the few (smart( ones to Binnesota, with a se!en point cushion. .aul Pimmerman of the New Hor# .ost, author of A Thinking Man*s (uide to -ro Football and the sportswriting fraternity$s scaled down answer to the 4ashington .ost$s political guru 1a!id 0roder, had organized his traditional pressroom "etting pool where any sportswriter who felt up to it could put a dollar in the pot and predict the final score Ein writing, on the pressroom "ulletin "oard, for all the world to seeF. . . and whoe!er came closest would pic# up a thousand or so dollars. Cr at least that was the theory. 0ut in reality there were only a"out ;:: writers willing to ris# a pu"lic prediction on the outcome of a game that e!en to an amateur li#e me was so o"!ious that 2 too# e!ery "et 2 could get against the Di#ings, regardless of the spread. As late as 6:9?: on Sunday morning 2 was calling "oo#ies on "oth coasts, dou"ling and tripling my "ets with e!ery point 2 could get from fi!e to se!en. . . and "y @9?< on Sunday afternoon, fi!e minutes after the #ic#off, 2 #new 2 was home free. Boments later, when the 1olphins dro!e the length of the field for another touchdown, 2 "egan collecting money. The final outcome was painfully clear less than halfway through the first &uarter and shortly after that, Sport Bagazine editor 1ic# Schapp reached o!er my shoulder in the press section and dropped two "ills a fi!e and a twenty in my lap. 2 smiled "ac# at him. (Aesus,( 2 said. (Are you gi!ing up alread'. This game is far from o!er, my man. Hour people are only @6 points down, and we still ha!e a whole half to go.( He shoo# his head sadly. (Hou$re not counting on a second half rallyG( 2 as#ed, poc#eting his money. He stared at me, saying nothing. . . then he rolled his eyes up toward the soupy mist a"o!e the stadium where the *oodyear 0limp was ho!ering, almost in!isi"le in the fog. 4hen 2 "egan this doom struc# story many months ago, the idea was to follow one team all the way to the Super 0owl and, in the process, try to document the alleged or at least Nixonian similarities "etween pro foot"all and politics. The pro"lem, at that time, was to decide which team to follow. 2t had to "e one with a good chance of going all the way, and also a team 2 could get along with o!er an extended period of time. That was in early No!em"er, and the list of possi"ilities included a"out half the /eague, "ut, 2 narrowed it down to the four teams where 2 already #new some of the players9 /os Angeles, Biami, 4ashington and Ca#land. . . and after many days of "rooding 2 chose Ca#land. There were two main factors in!ol!ed9 6F 2 had already made a large "et, at > 6 odds, on Ca#land to go all the way as opposed to a ; 6 "et on the +eds#ins and @ 6 against Binnesota. . . and @F 4hen 2 chec#ed with 1a!e 0urgin, a former San Francisco )xaminer and 4ashington Star News sports editor, he said there were only two teams in the whole /eague fla#ey enough for me to identify with in any #ind of personal or human way9 Cne was .itts"urgh and the other was Ca#land. 4ell. . . it is three months later now, and the &uestion that still haunts me, is, which %ail, morgue or asylum would 2 "e in today if 2$d happened to pic# one of the other teams. )!en now almost @::: miles and two months remo!ed from the +aider head&uarters in

33 Ca#land 2 still want to reach for an icepic# e!ery time 2 see a foot"all. . . and my only consolation, loo#ing "ac# on that nightmare, is that 2 might ha!e decided to (co!er( the 1allas Cow"oys. Aust "efore tal#ing to 0urgin, in fact, 2 read a sa!age no!el called North ,allas Fort', "y ex Cow"oy flan#er .ete *ent, and it had cran#ed up my interest in "oth 1allas and the Cow"oys enough so that 2 was right on the "rin# of dumping Ca#land and heading for Texas. . . Fortunately, 2 was shrewd enough to choose Ca#land a decision that resulted, less than three wee#s after 2 made it, in a series of personal and professional disasters ranging from massi!e slander and a "eating "y stadium cops outside the +aider dressing room, to total "anishment from the field, loc#er room, press "ox, and for all practical purposes "ecause of the dar# assumptions that would ine!ita"ly "e made a"out any player seen with me in pu"lic from any "ar, restaurant, zoo or shotgun store in the 0ay Area fre&uented "y any +aider players. The reasons for all this are still not entirely clear or may"e they are, and 2 still can$t grasp the real meaning of what happened. .erhaps it was merely a case of the chic#ens coming home to roost, accompanied "y three giant condors. II The Raiders kicked 'ou out. For "hat. ,rug rumors. 62aughter7 %ell! it*s nice to kno" the'*re starting to give "riters the same kind of underhanded chickenshit the'*ve been la'ing on &la'ers for ten 'ears. . . )eah! it varies from team to team: 2ike! for me! getting traded to -ittsburgh after all that time in 1akland "as like finall' coming u& for air. As a matter of general &hiloso&h'! though! the National Football 2eague is the last bastion of fascism in America. Tom ,eating, 1efensi!e tac#le for the .itts"urgh Steelers To reach the Ca#land +aiders$ practice field you dri!e from San Francisco across the 0ay 0ridge and then south on -.S. 68 to )xit 7> at Hegen"erger +oad at the south end of Alameda 0ay. . . turn right at the off ramp that leads to the Ca#land 2nternational Airport' glance "ac# at the )dgewater 2nn and the s&uat white concrete "loc# "uilding right next to the )dgewater that says (Ca#land +aiders( and then swing north again. A"out six miles past the Airport entrance, the Ca#land Hilton and a speed"oat raceway the road gets narrow and seems to "e heading downhill, through a wet desert of stunted %ac# pines Eor scru" oa#s, or whate!er they call those useless little trees that grow on the edge of swamplands all o!er the country, near places li#e .ensacola and .ortlandF. . . "ut this is Ca#land, or at least San /eandro, and when you dri!e @: miles out of San Francisco to a lonesome place li#e this, you want a pretty good reason. . . . Cr at least a decent excuse. The only people who ma#e this run regularly, in the autumn months "etween late August and 1ecem"er, are 0ay Area sportswriters and people on the payroll of the Ca#land +aiders players, trainers, coaches, owners, etc. and the only reason they ma#e this grim trip day after day is the ner!ous fact that the +aiders$ practice field and daily head&uarters is located, for good or ill, out here on this stin#ing estuary across the "ay from San Francisco. 2t is a hard place to find unless you #now exactly where to loo#. The only sure gi!eaway sign, from the highway, is a sudden rise of thin steel scaffolding looming out of the %ac# pines a"out @:: yards west of the road and two men in cheap plastic s#i %ac#ets on a platform at the top of the tower, aiming "ig grey mo!ie cameras down at whate!er$s happening on the other side of that tree fence. Turn left %ust "eyond the film tower, par# in a muddy lot full of new Cadillacs and flashy sports cars, and wal# up a grassy "an# to a one story concrete "loc# "uilding that loo#s li#e a dog

34 #ennel or a .epsi Cola warehouse in St. /ouis. . . push through a "ig metal fire door 3 along a na#ed corridor decorated on "oth sides with "lac# and grey helmets, sharp edged foot"alls, red white and "lue NF/ stic#ers. . . and finally around a corner into the weight room, a maze of fantastically complicated machinery with signs all around warning (unauthorized persons( to #eep their goddamn hands off of ever'thing. Cne of the weight machines costs L=<:: and is designed to do nothing "ut stretch #nots out of trapezius muscles' another, costing L>>::, is a maze of steel ca"les, weights and an#le hoo#s that will if used properly cure #in#s, rips and contusions out of e!ery muscle from the hip to the achilles tendon. There are other machines for pro"lems of the feet, nec# and el"ows. 2 was tempted to get physically in!ol!ed with e!ery machine in the "uilding %ust to #now how it felt to get %er#ed around "y all that fantastic machinery. 2 was also tempted to spea# with the trainers and sample whate!er medications they had to offer "ut pro foot"all loc#er rooms are no longer the wholesale drug dispensaries that they were in the past. National Foot"all /eague Commissioner (.ete( +ozelle along with (.resident( Nixon and the networ# TD moguls ha!e determined that drugs and pro foot"all won$t mix' at least not in pu"lic. Cn my first !isit to the loc#er room and on all other !isits, for that matter 2 a!oided "oth the weight machines and the trainers. There was no point, 2 felt, in compromising the story early on' although if 2$d #nown what #ind of shitrain 2 was heading into 2 would ha!e sprung e!ery machine in the "uilding and go""led e!ery pill 2 could get my hands on. 0ut 2 felt a certain o"ligation, "ac# then, to act in a (professional( manner. . . and, "esides, for my first loo# at the +aider practice field 2 was accompanied "y a friendly little fellow named Al /oCasale, who had told me when 2 called on the phone that he was (executi!e assistant( to the +aiders$ general manager and would "e owner, Al 1a!is. /oCasale led me through the loc#er room, past the weights and the trainers, and out through another small door that opened onto a long green pasture enclosing two foot"all fields, four goal posts, many "loc#ing sleds and tac#ling dummies, and a"out =: men mo!ing around !ery acti!ely, gathered in four separate groups on "oth fields. 2 recognized Aohn Badden, the head coach, running the offensi!e unit through short pass drills on the field to my right. . . and on the other field, a"out <: yards to my left, another coach was running the defensi!e unit through some #ind of drill 2 couldn$t recognize. Far down at the other end of the field where the defensi!e unit was wor#ing, 2 could see *eorge 0landa, the +aiders$ ;= year old reser!e &uarter"ac# and premier place #ic#er, wor#ing with his own set of handlers and "anging one #ic# after another (through the uprights( from the ?: or ?< yard line. 0landa and his small crew were paying no attention to what was happening on the offensi!e and defensi!e fields. Their %o" was to #eep *eorge sharp on field goals, and during the two hours 2 was there, that afternoon, he #ic#ed at least ;: or <:, and 2 ne!er saw him miss one. There were two other solitary figures mo!ing around on the fieldEsF "eyond the small enclosure near the loc#er room door where /oCasale and se!eral assistants made sure the half dozen local sportswriters stayed. Cne was +ay *uy, the roo#ie punter and num"er one draft choice from Bississippi, who spent all afternoon #ic#ing one "all after another in tall spiraling arcs a"o!e the offensi!e unit to a "race of "all"oys %ust in front of the sportswriters$ huddle. . . and the other was a small wiry man in a tan golf %ac#et with a greasy duc# tail haircut who paced along the sidelines of "oth fields with a speedy #ind of intensity that 2 ne!er really noticed until he suddenly appeared !ery close to me and 2 heard him as# a sportswriter from the San Francisco Chronicle who 2 was and what 2 was doing there. . . The con!ersation too# place within 6: yards of me, and 2 heard most of it. (4ho$s the "ig guy o!er there with the "all in his handG( as#ed the man with the 1A. (His name$s Thompson,( replied Chronical sportswriter Aac# Smith. (He$s a writer for R1223N( ST1N8.(

35 (The +olling StonesG Aesus ChristI 4hat$s he doing hereG 1id 'ou "ring himG( (No, he$s writing a "ig article. R1223N( ST1N8 is a magazine, Al. 2t$s different from the +olling Stones' they$re a roc# music group. . . Thompson$s a "uddy of *eorge .limpton$s, 2 thin#. . . and he$s also a friend of 1a!e 0urgin$s you remem"er 0urginG( (Holy shitI 0urginI 4e ran him out of here with a cattle prodI( 2 saw Smith laugh at that point, then he was tal#ing again9 (1on$t worry, Al. Thompson$s o#ay. He wrote a good "oo# a"out /as Degas.( *ood godI 2 thought. That$s it. . . 2f they read that "oo# 2$m finished. 0y this time 2$d realized that this strange loo#ing "ugger named (Al,( who loo#ed li#e a pimp or a trac# tout, was in fact the infamous Al 1a!is general manager and de facto owner Epending settlement of a nasty lawsuit scheduled for court action early this yearF of the whole Ca#land +aider operation. 1a!is glanced o!er his shoulder at me, then spo#e "ac# to Smith9 (*et the "astard out of here. 2 don$t trust him.( 2 heard that !ery clearly and if 2$d had any sense 2$d ha!e a"andoned the whole story right then, for reasons of extreme and unnatural pre%udice' call the office and say 2 couldn$t handle the "ad !i"es, then %ump the next plane to Colorado. . . 2 was watching 1a!is !ery closely now, and it occurred to me that the fiendish intensity of his speech and mannerisms reminded me !ery strongly of another Ca#land "adass 2$d spent some time with, se!eral years earlier ex Hell$s Angels president +alph (Sonny( 0arger, who had %ust "eaten a multiple murder rap and then copped out, they said, to some #ind of minor charge li#e (Aggra!ated Assault with 2ntent to Commit Burder,( or (.ossession of Automatic 4eapons( Esu"machine gunsF, (.ossession of Heroin Efour poundsF with 2ntent to Sell, and Sexual Assault on Two Binors with 2ntent to Commit Forci"le Sodomy(. . . 2 had read these things in the Chronicle. . . "ut. . . 4hat the hellG 4hy compound these li"elsG Any society that will put 0arger in %ail and ma#e Al 1a!is a respecta"le millionaire at the same time is not a society to "e trifled with. 2n any case, the story of my strange and officially ugly relationship with Al 1a!is is too complicated for any long explanations at this point. 2 spent se!eral days pacing the sidelines of the +aider practice field with him prior to the .itts"urgh, Cle!eland and ,ansas City games and the only thing 2 remem"er him tal#ing a"out is ()n!ironmental 1eterminism.( He spo#e at considera"le length on that su"%ect, as 2 recall, "ut there is nothing in my notes to indicate precisely what he said a"out it. Shortly after 2 heard him tell Smith to get rid of me on that first afternoon, 2 wal#ed o!er to him and somehow got wound up in a con!ersation a"out how he was ha!ing trou"le "uying property in Aspen "ecause (some people out there,( thought his money was (dirty( "ecause of his #nown connections in /as Degas. (Hell, that$s no pro"lem,( 2 told him. (2 once ran for sheriff in Aspen' 2 #now the place pretty well, and 2 can tell you for sure that at least half the money out there is dirtier than any you$re li#ely to come up with.( He stopped and eyed me curiously. (Hou ran for sheriffG( he said. (2n Aspen, ColoradoG( 2 nodded. (Heah, "ut 2$d rather not tal# a"out it. 4e didn$t lose "y much, "ut losing in politics is li#e losing in foot"all, rightG Cne !ote, one point ( He smiled croo#edly, then "egan pacing again. (2 don$t gi!e a damn a"out politics,( he said as 2 hurried along the white lime sideline to #eep up with him. (The only things that interest me are economics and foreign affairs.( Aesus christI 2 thought. )conomics, foreign affairs, en!ironmental determinism this "astard is sand "agging me. 4e paced "ac# and forth a while longer, then he suddenly turned on me9 (4hat are you afterG( he snapped. (4hy are you out hereG( (4ell. . .( 2 said. (2t would ta#e me a while to explain it. 4hy don$t we ha!e a "eer after practice tomorrow and 2$ll (

36 (Not tomorrow,( he said &uic#ly. (2 only come out here on 4ednesdays and Thursdays. They get ner!ous when 2$m around, so 2 try to stay away most of the time.( 2 nodded "ut 2 didn$t really understand what he meant until an hour or so later, when Coach Badden signaled the end of that day$s practice and 1a!is suddenly rushed onto the field and gra""ed the &uarter"ac#, ,en Sta"ler, along with a recei!er and a defensi!e "ac# 2 didn$t recognize, and made them run the same pass pattern a &uic# shot from a"out 6< yards out with the recei!er getting the "all &recisel' at the corner of the goal line and the out of "ounds line at least twel!e consecuti!e times until they had it down exactly the way he wanted it. That is my last real memory of Al 1a!is9 2t was getting dar# in Ca#land, the rest of the team had already gone into the showers, the coach was inside spea#ing sagely with a gaggle of local sportswriters, somewhere "eyond the field fence a "ig %et was cran#ing up its after"urners on the airport runway. . . and here was the o"ner of the fla#iest team in pro foot"all, running around on a half dar# practice field li#e a #ing hell speed frea# with his &uarter"ac# and two other #ey players, insisting that they run the same goddamn play o!er and o!er again until they had it right. That was the only time 2 e!er felt that 2 really understood 1a!is. . . 4e tal#ed on other days, sort of loosely and usually a"out foot"all, whene!er 2 would show up at the practice field and pace around the sidelines with him. . . and it was somewhere around the third wee# of my random appearances, as 2 recall, that he "egan to act !ery ner!ous whene!er he saw me. 2 ne!er as#ed why, "ut it was clear that something had changed, if only "ac# to normal. . . After one of the midwee# practices 2 was sitting with one of the +aider players in the ta!ern down the road from the fieldhouse and he said9 (Aesus, you #now 2 was wal#ing "ac# to the huddle and 2 loo#ed o!er and, god damn, 2 almost flipped when 2 saw you and 1a!is standing together on the sideline. 2 thought, man, the world really is changing when you see a thing li#e that Hunter Thompson and Al 1a!is Christ, you #now that$s the first time 2 e!er saw an'bod' with 1a!is during practice' the "astard$s always alone out there, %ust pacing "ac# and forth li#e a goddamn "east. . .( 2n the meantime, "lissfully unaware of what was a"out to happen, 2 was trying to learn as much as possi"le a"out the real under"elly of pro foot"all "y watching a film of the 1en!er 1allas game with se!eral +aider players who pro!ided a running commentary on the action trying to explain, in language as close as they could cut it for the layman$s slow eye, what was happening on the screen and how it might or might not relate to the 1en!er Ca#land game coming up next Sunday. The purpose of the film session was to show me some of the things in slow motion and repeated instant replay that no"ody in the stands or the press "ox will e!er understand. 2t was done as a personal fa!or, at a time when neither 2 nor any of the Ca#land players realized that 2 was a"out to "e "anished. 2f 2$d "een writing a story on )!el ,nie!el at the time, 2 would ha!e as#ed him to do the same thing sit down for an e!ening with some films of his %umps, and explain each one step "y step, along with whate!er was going through his head at any gi!en moment. 4hat follows, then, is a random commentary "y some pro foot"all players %ust a few games away from the Super 0owl, watching a film of a game "etween two teams one of which they will ha!e to "eat on Sunday, to ma#e the playoffs, and another they might ha!e to "eat in the Super 0owl itself. The film we were watching was the 1en!er 1allas game on 1ecem"er @nd. 1allas won, @@ 6: which hardly matters, "ecause pro foot"all players don$t watch game films to see who won or lost. They watch for patterns, tendencies and indi!idual strengths or wea#nesses. . . and in this case they were trying to translate their reactions into language 2 could get a personal grip on, which accounts for some of the aw#ward moments. -nder normal circumstances 2$d identify all of the !oices in this hea!ily edited tape transcript "ut for reasons that will soon "ecome o"!ious if they aren$t already, 2 decided that it would pro"a"ly "e more comforta"le for all of us if 2 lumped all the player !oices under one name9

37 (+aider.( This ta#es a "it of an edge off the tal#, "ut it also ma#es it harder for the NF/ security watchdogs to hassle some good people and red line their names for hanging around with a 1ope Fiend. III 1o NCT B2STA,) B) FC+ ANH CTH)+ +)A1)+ 2 ha!e come here to help to sa!e the suffering. Hou #now *od wor#s in a mysterious way. 2f you ha!e faith in *od, don$t fail to see9 BCTH)+ +C0)+TS .SHCH2C +)A1)+ AN1 A1D2SC+ TH) CN) 3 CN/H *2FT)1 H)A/)+ was "orn with the *od gi!en powers to help humanity and has de!oted her life to this wor#. Tells your friends$ and enemies$ names without as#ing a single word. She will tell you what you wish to #now regarding health, marriage, lo!e, di!orce, courtship, speculations and "usiness transactions of all #inds. She will tell you of any changes you should or shouldn$t ma#e, good or "ad. She remo!es e!il influences and "ad luc# of all #inds. She ne!er fails to reunite the separated, cause speedy and happy marriages. She lifts you out of sorrow and dar#ness and starts you on the way to success, and happiness. She will gi!e sound and important ad!ice on all affairs of life, whate!er they may "e. Hou will find her superior to any other reader you ha!e consulted in the past. A place to "ring your friends and feel no em"arrassment. 6J@ .+2C) 42TH TH2S S/2. C.)N 1A2/H 3 S-N1AHS > AB TC 6: .B 6=:7 4. A/A0ABA .HCN) AA ? @@78 NC A..C2NTB)NT N)C)SSA+H /CC, FC+ A11+)SS Ah yes, Bother +o"erts. . . 2 found her card on the "us and %ammed it into one of my poc#ets, thin#ing that may"e 2 would gi!e her a call on Bonday and ma#e an appointment. 2 had a lot of hea!y &uestions to lay on her li#e (4hy am 2 here, Bother +o"ertsG 4hat does it all meanG Ha!e 2 finally turned proG Can this really "e the endG 1own and out in Houston with (No, 2 was %ust #idding. Bother +o"erts, %ust putting you on %ust wor#ing a "it of the test on you, rightG Hes, "ecause what 2 was really leading up to is this extremely central &uestion. . . No, 2$m not shy' it$s %ust that 2 come from way up north where people$s lips are frozen a"out ten months e!ery year, so we don$t get used to tal#ing until !ery late in life. . . whatG CldG 4ell, 2 thin# you %ust put your finger or your wand or whate!er, right smac# on the head of the nail, Bother +o"erts, "ecause the godawful truth of the whole matter is that 2$!e "een feeling e tremel' old this past wee#, and. . . 4hatG 4ait a minute now, goddamnit, 2$m still getting up to the main &uestion, which is. . . 4hatG No, 2 never curse, Bother +o"erts' that was a cry of anguish, a silent scream from the soul, "ecause 2 feel in serious trou"le down here in this goddamn town, and. . . Hes, 2 am a white person, Bother +o"erts, and we "oth #now there$s not a damn thing 2 can do a"out it. Are you pre%udicedG. . . No, let$s not get into that. Aust let me as# you this &uestion, and if you can gi!e me a straight and reasona"le answer 2 promise 2 won$t come out to your place. . . "ecause what 2 want you to tell me, Bother +o"erts and 2 mean this !ery seriously is why ha!e 2 "een in Houston for

38 eight days without any"ody offering me some cocaineG. . . Hes, cocaine, that$s what 2 said, and %ust "etween you and me 2$m damn serious a"out wanting some. . . 4hatG 1rugsG 1f course 2$m tal#ing a"out drugsI Hour ad said you could answer my &uestions and lift me out of sorrow and dar#ness. . . C#ay, o#ay, 2$m listening. . . Heah, yeah. . . 0ut let me tell you something, Bother +o"erts9 By name is Al 1a!is and 2$m the )ditor of +eader$s 1igest. . . +ight, and 2 can ha!e you "usted right no" for false ad!ertising. . . Heah, well 2 thin# 2 might pic# up some of my people and come out to see you later on today' we want some explanations for this #ind of anti christ "ullshit. This country$s in enough trou"le, goddamnit, without people li#e you running around selling drugs li#e cocaine to people in serious trou"le. . .( Bother +o"erts hung up on me at that point. Christ only #nows what she thought was a"out to come down on her when dus# fell on Houston. . . Here was the )ditor of the +eader$s 1igest coming out to her house with a goon s&uad, and all of them apparently stone mad for cocaine and !engeance. . . a terri"le situation. 2t was not until Bonday afternoon that 2 actually spo#e with Bother +o"erts on the telephone, "ut the idea of going o!er to *al!eston and dealing with the whole Super Scene story from some rotten motel on the edge of the seawall had "een wandering around in my head almost from the first hour after 2 chec#ed into my co!eted press room at the Hyatt +egency. And in dull retrospect now, 2 wish 2 had done that. Almost anything would ha!e "een "etter than that useless wee# 2 spent in Houston waiting for the 0ig *ame. The only place in town where 2 felt at home was a sort of sporadically !iolent strip %oint called the 0lue Fox, far out in the country on South Bain. No"ody 2 tal#ed to in Houston had e!er heard of it, and the only two sportswriters who went out there with me got in!ol!ed in a wild riot that ended up with all of us getting maced "y underco!er !ice s&uad cops who %ust happened to "e in the middle of the action when it erupted. Ah. . . "ut that is another story, and we don$t ha!e time for it here. Bay"e next time. There are two untold sagas that will not fit into this story9 Cne has to do with 0ig Al$s Cactus +oom in Ca#land, and the other concerns the 0lue Fox in Houston. There is also at least in the minds of at least two dozen gulli"le sportswriters at the Super 0owl the ugly story of how 2 spent three or four days prior to Super 4ee# shooting smac# in a L8 a night motel room on the seawall in *al!eston. 2 remem"er telling that story one night in the press lounge at the Hyatt +egency, %ust "a""ling it off the top of my head out of sheer "oredom. . . Then 2 forgot a"out it completely until one of the local sportswriters approached me a day or so later and said9 (Say man, 2 hear you spent some time in *al!eston last wee#.( (*al!estonG( (Heah,( he said. (2 hear you loc#ed yourself in a motel o!er there and shot heroin for three days.( 2 loo#ed around me to see who was listening, then grinned #ind of stupidly and said (Shuc#s, there wasn$t much else to do, you #now why not get loaded in *al!estonG( He shrugged uncontrolla"ly and loo#ed down at his Cld Crow and water. 2 glanced at my watch and turned to lea!e. $Time to hit it,( 2 said with a smile. (See you later, when 2$m feeling "ac# on my rails.( He nodded glumly as 2 mo!ed away in the crowd. . . and although 2 saw him three or four times a day for the rest of that wee#, he ne!er spo#e to me again. Bost sportswriters are so "lan# on the su"%ect of drugs that you can only tal# to them a"out it at your own ris# which is easy enough, for me, "ecause 2 get a "oot out of seeing their eyes "ulge' "ut it can "e disastrous to a professional foot"all player who ma#es the casual mista#e of assuming that a sportswriter #nows what he$s tal#ing a"out when he uses a word li#e (cran#.( Any professional athlete who tal#s to a sportswriter a"out (drugs( e!en with the "est and most

39 constructi!e intentions is ta#ing a !ery hea!y ris#. There is a definite element of hysteria a"out drugs of any #ind in pro foot"all today, and a casual remar# e!en a meaningless remar# across the ta"le in a friendly hometown "ar can lead, !ery &uic#ly, to a seat in the witness chair in front of a congressional committee. Ah. . . drugs' that word again. 2t was a hard word to a!oid in NF/ circles last year li#e the (missile gap( in the 67=: ,ennedy Nixon election, or (law and order( in 67=>. 678? was a pretty dull press year for congressmen. The Senate$s 4atergate Committee had managed, somehow, to pre empt most of the in# and air time. . . and one of the few congressmen who managed to lash his own special gig past that "arrier was an apparently senile =8 year old ex sheriff and foot"all coach from 4est Dirginia named Harley Staggers. Somewhere in the spastic interim "etween Aohn 1ean and (0o"( Haldeman, Congressman Staggers managed to collar some story star!ed sportswriter from the New Hor# Times long enough to announce that his committee the House Su"committee on 2n!estigations had stum"led on such a #ing hell wasps$ nest of e!idence in the course of their pro"e into (the use of drugs "y athletes( that the committee was prepared or almost prepared, pending further e!idence to come to grips with their natural human duty and offer up a law, !ery soon, that would re&uire indi!idual urinalysis tests on all professional athletes and especially pro foot"all players. These tests would "e administered "y professional urinalysists paid "y the federal go!ernment, out of tax monies and if any one of these e!il "astards passed urine that turned red Eor green, or "lue, or whate!erF, they would "e. . . ah. . . well. . . the Staggers Committee is still mulling on the &uestion of penalties. Bay"e stud'ing is a "etter word. Cr &ondering. . . That$s right, they$re still &ondering it. . . and *od$s mercy on any muscle "ound degenerate whose piss turns red if Harley e!er passes his law. The rumor on Capitol Hill is that +ep. Staggers is e!en now in the process of arranging for the construction of a model, medium security ACC,J1+-* .)N2T)NT2A+H AN1 +)HA02/2TAT2CN C)NT)+ on the site of an a"andoned missile "ase near Tonopah, Ne!ada. Beanwhile, the Dice .resident of the -nited States has "een lashed out of office and dis"arred in his home state of Baryland, the .resident himself is teetering on the "rin# of a 0urglaryJConspiracy indictment that will mean certain impeachment, and the whole structure of our go!ernment has "ecome a stagnant moc#ery of itself and e!ery"ody who e!er had faith in it. 4hat all this means to Harley Staggers is hard to say. 2 am tempted to call him9 2t is 89:@ in 4ashington and 2 suspect he$s wide awa#e, administering the daily "eating to his pit "ulls in the "ac#yard garage and waiting for calls from reporters9 (4hat$s up HarleyG 4ho$s gonna get itG( (4ell. . . let me say this9 4e #now, for a fact, that the situation is out of control and 2 mean to put a stop to it or fall down trying. . .( (A stop to "hat! HarleyG( (Ne!ermind that. Hou #now what 2 mean.( EpauseF (/et me as# you something9 1oes a phrase li#e $The playing fields of 4est Dirginia$ mean anything to youG( EpauseF (4ait a minute where were you raisedG 4hat$s wrong with ( Eclic#F. . . Ah, Aesus. . . another "ad tangent. Somewhere in the "ac# of my mind 2 recall signing a contract that said 2 would ne!er do this #ind of thing again' one of the conditions of my turning pro was a clause a"out swearing off gi""erish. . . 0ut, li#e *regg Allman says9 (2$!e wasted so much time. . . feelin guilty. . .( There is some #ind of "ac# door connection in my head "etween Super 0owls and the Allman 0rothers a strange #ind of theme sound that haunts these goddamn stories no matter where 2$m finally forced into a corner to write them. The Allman sound, and rain. There was hea!y rain, last year, on the "alcony of my dim lit hotel room %ust down from the Sunset Strip in

40 Hollywood. . . and more rain through the windows of the San Francisco office "uilding where 2 finally typed out (the story.( And now, almost exactly a year later, my main memory of Super 0owl D222 in Houston is rain and grey mist outside another hotel window, with the same strung out sound of the Allman 0rothers "ooming out of the same porta"le spea#ers that 2 had, last year, in /os Angeles. There was not much else worth remem"ering from either game or at least not much that needs writing a"out, and the cloc# on the wall reminds me, once again, that a final deadline looms and there is hungry space to fill out there in San Francisco. . . 4hich means no more thin#ing a"out rain and music, "ut a &uic# and nasty regression to (professionalism.( 4hich is what it$s all a"out. 2ndeed, 2 tend, more and more, to forget these things. Cr may"e %ust to ignore them. 0ut what the hellG +etirement is %ust around the corner, so why not wander a "itG ")ou gro" u& fast in Te as and 'ou got to la' it do"n 1r 'ou*ll be "orking for somebod' "a' cross to"n." 1oug Sahm The floor of the Hyatt +egency men$s room was always co!ered, a"out three inches deep, with discarded newspapers all apparently complete and unread, except on closer examination you realized that e!ery one of them was missing its sports section. This "athroom was right next to the hotel newsstand and %ust across the mezzanine from the crowded NF/ (press lounge,( a "ig room full of telephones and free "ooze, where most of the 6=:: or so sportswriters assigned to co!er The 0ig *ame seemed to spend a"out 6= hours of each day, during Super 4ee#. After the first day or so, when it "ecame "alefully clear that there was no point in any"ody except the local reporters going out on the press "us each day for the carefully staged (player inter!iews,( that 1olphin tac#le Banny Fernandez descri"ed as (li#e going to the dentist e!ery day to ha!e the same tooth filled,( the out of town writers "egan using the local types as a sort of in!oluntary (pool(. . . which was more li#e an old 0ritish Na!y press gang, in fact, "ecause the locals had no choice. They would go out, each morning, to the Biami and Binnesota team hotels, and dutifully conduct the daily inter!iews. . . and a"out two hours later this mass of useless gi""erish would appear, word for word, in the early editions of either the .ost or the Chronicle. Hou could see the front door of the hotel from the "alcony of the press lounge, and whene!er the news"oy came in with his stac# of fresh papers, the national writers would ma#e the long ;> yard wal# across to the newsstand and cough up 6< cents each for their copies. Then, on the way "ac# to the press lounge, they would stop for a piss and dump the whole paper except for the crucial sports section on the floor of the men$s room. The place was so deep, all wee#, in fresh newsprint, that it was sometimes hard to push the door open. Forty yards away, on comforta"le couches surrounding the free "ar, the national gents would spend a"out two hours each day scanning the local sports sections along with a ne!er ending mass of almost psychotically detailed information churned out "y the NF/ pu"licity office on the dim chance of finding something worth writing a"out that day. There ne!er was, of course. 0ut no"ody seemed really distur"ed a"out it. The only thing most of the sportswriters in Houston seemed to care a"out was ha!ing something to write a"out. . . anything at all, "oss9 a peg, an angle, a &uote, e!en a goddamn rumor. 2 remem"er "eing shoc#ed at the sloth and moral degeneracy of the Nixon press corps during the 678@ presidential campaign "ut they were li#e a pac# of wol!erines on speed compared to the relati!ely elite sportswriters who showed up in Houston to co!er the Super 0owl.

41 Cn the other hand, there really "as no stor'. As the wee# wore on, it "ecame increasingly o"!ious that we were all (%ust wor#ing here.( No"ody #new who to "lame for it, and although at least a third of the sportswriters who showed up for that super expensi!e shuc# #new exactly what was happening, 2 dou"t if more than fi!e or six of them e!er actually wrote the cynical and contemptuous appraisals of Super 0owl D222 that dominated a"out half the con!ersations around the "ar in the press lounge. 4hate!er was happening in Houston that wee# had little or nothing to do with the hundreds of stories that were sent out on the news wires each day. Bost of the stories, in fact, were una"ashed rewrites of the dozens of official NF/ press releases churned out each day "y the /eague pu"licity office. Bost of the stories a"out (fantastic parties( gi!en "y Chrysler, American )xpress and Aimmy the *ree# were ta#en from press releases and rewritten "y people who had spent the pre!ious e!ening at least fi!e miles from the scenes descri"ed in their stories. The NF/$s official Super 0owl party the (incredi"le Texas Hoe 1own( on Friday night in the Astrodome was as wild, glamorous and exciting as an )l#s Clu" picnic on Tuesday in Salina, ,ansas. The official NF/ press release on the Hoe 1own said it was an unprecedented extra!aganza that cost the /eague more than L6::,::: and attracted people li#e *ene BcCarthy and )thel ,ennedy. . . 4hich might ha!e "een true, "ut 2 spent a"out fi!e hours s#ul#ing around in that grim concrete "arn and the only people 2 recognized were a dozen or so sportswriters from the press lounge. Any"ody with access to a mimeograph machine and a little imagination could ha!e generated at least a thousand articles on (an orgy of indescri"a"le proportions( at Aohn Connally$s house, with Allen *ins"erg as the guest of honor and 6? thorough"red horses slaughtered "y drug crazed guests with magnesium "utcher #ni!es. Bost of the press people would ha!e simply pic#ed the story off the "ig ta"le in the (wor#room,( rewritten it %ust enough to ma#e it sound genuine, and sent it off on the 4ire without a second thought. The "us ride to the stadium for the game on Sunday too# more than an hour, due to hea!y traffic. 2 had made the same six mile dri!e the night "efore in %ust under fi!e minutes. . . "ut that was under !ery different circumstances' +ice Stadium is on South Bain Street, along the same route that led from the Hyatt +egency to the 1olphin head&uarters at the Barriott, and also to the 0lue Fox. There was not much to do on the "us except drin#, smo#e and maintain a #een ear on the "a""le of con!ersations "ehind me for any tal# that might signal the presence of some late "looming Di#ing fan with money to waste. 2t is hard to stay calm and casual in a crowd of potential "ettors when you feel a"solutely certain of winning any "et you can ma#e. At that point, any"ody with e!en a hint of partisan enthusiasm in his !oice "ecomes a possi"le mar# a doomed and ignorant creature to "e lured, as carefully as possi"le, into some disastrous last minute wager that could cost him e!ery dollar he owns. There is no room for mercy or the mil# of human #indness in foot"all "etting at least not when you$re prepared to get up on the edge with e!ery dollar 'ou own. Cne on one "etting is a lot more interesting than dealing with "oo#ies, "ecause it in!ol!es strong elements of personality and psychic le!erage. 0etting against the point spread is a relati!ely mechanical trip, "ut "etting against another indi!idual can "e !ery complex, if you$re serious a"out it "ecause you want to #now, for starters, whether you$re "etting against a fool or a wizard, or may"e against some"ody who$s %ust &la'ing the fool. Ba#ing a large "et on a "us full of sportswriters on the way to the Super 0owl, for instance, can "e a !ery dangerous thing' "ecause you might "e dealing with some"ody who was in the same fraternity at .enn State with one of the team doctors, and who learned the night "efore while drin#ing hea!ily with his old "uddy that the &uarter"ac# you$re "asing your "et on has four crac#ed ri"s and can "arely raise his passing arm to shoulder le!el.

42 Situations li#e these are not common. -nreported in%uries can lead to hea!y fines against any team that fails to report one especially in a Super 0owl "ut what is a L6:,::: fine, compared to the amount of money that #ind of crucial #nowledge is worth against a "ig time "oo#ieG The other side of that coin is a situation where a shrewd coach turns the /eague$s (report all in%uries( rule into a psychological ad!antage for his own team and coincidentally for any "ettor who #nows what$s happening "y scrupulously reporting an in%ury to a star player %ust "efore a "ig game, then calling a press conference to explain that the %ust reported in%ury is of such a nature a pulled muscle, for instance that it might or might not heal entirely "y game time. This was what happened in Houston with the 1olphins$ .aul 4arfield, widely regarded as (the most dangerous pass recei!er in pro foot"all.( 4arfield is a game "rea#er, a man who commands dou"le co!erage at all times "ecause of his antelope running style, twin magnets for hands, and a weird #ind of adrenaline instinct that feeds on tension and high pressure. There is no more "eautiful sight in foot"all than watching .aul 4arfield float out of the "ac#field on a sort of angle strea# pattern right into the heart of a (perfect( zone defense and ta#e a softly thrown pass on his hip, without e!en seeming to notice the arri!al of the "all, and then float another =: yards into the end zone, with none of the frustrated defensi!e "ac#s e!er touching him. There is an eerie #ind of certaint' a"out 4arfield$s style that is far more demoralizing than %ust another six points on the Score"oard. A"out half the time he loo#s "ored and lazy "ut e!en the "est pass defenders in the league kno"! in some ner!ous corner of their hearts, that when the deal goes down 4arfield is capa"le of strea#ing right past them li#e they didn$t exist. . . -nless he$s hurt' playing with some #ind of in%ury that might or might not "e serious enough to either slow him down or gimp the fiendish concentration that ma#es him so dangerous. . . and this was the possi"ility that 1olphin coach 1on Shula raised on 4ednesday when he announced that 4arfield had pulled a leg muscle in practice that afternoon and might not play on Sunday. This news caused instant action in gam"ling circles. )!en "ig time "oo#ies, whose underground information on these things is usually as good as .ete +ozelle$s, too# Shula$s announcement seriously enough to cut the spread down from se!en to six a decision worth many millions of "etting dollars if the game turned out to "e close. )!en the rumor of an in%ury to 4arfield was worth one point Eand e!en two, with some "oo#ies 2 was ne!er a"le to locateF. . . and if Shula had announced on Saturday that .aul was definitely not going to play, the spread would pro"a"ly ha!e dropped to four, or e!en three. . . 0ecause the guaranteed a"sence of 4arfield would ha!e ta#en a great psychological load off the minds of Binnesota$s defensi!e "ac#s. 4ithout the e!er present li#elihood of a game "rea#ing ("om"( at any moment, they could focus down much tighter on stopping Biami$s "rutal running game which e!entually destroyed them, %ust as it had destroyed Ca#land$s nut cutting defense two wee#s earlier, and one of the main reasons why the Di#ings failed to stop the 1olphins on the ground was the constant presence of .aul 4arfield in his customary wide recei!er$s spot. He played almost the whole game, ne!er showing any sign of in%ury' and although he caught only one pass, he neutralized two Binnesota defensi!e "ac#s on e!ery play. . . and two extra tac#lers on the line of scrimmage might ha!e made a hell of a difference in that em"arrassingly decisi!e first &uarter when Biami twice dro!e what might as well ha!e "een the whole length of the field to score 6; &uic# points and crac# the Di#ings$ confidence %ust as harshly as they had crac#ed the +eds#ins out in /os Angeles a year earlier. 2t is hard to say, e!en now, exactly why 2 was so certain of an easy 1olphin !ictory. The only reason 2 didn$t get extremely rich on the game was my ina"ility to o!ercome the logistical pro"lems of "etting hea!ily, on credit, "y means of frantic long distance phone calls from a hotel room in Houston. None of the people 2 met in that !iolent, water logged town were inclined to introduce me

43 to a relia"le "oo#ma#er and the people 2 called on "oth coasts, se!eral hours "efore the game on Sunday morning, seemed unnaturally ner!ous when 2 as#ed them to use their own credit to guarantee my "ets with their local "oo#ies. /oo#ing "ac# on it now, after tal#ing with some of these people and cursing them sa!agely, 2 see that the pro"lem had something to do with my frenzied speech pattern that morning. 2 was still in the grip of whate!er fiery syndrome had caused me to deli!er that sermon off the "alcony a few hours earlier and the hint of mad tremor in my !oice, despite my attempts to disguise it, was apparently communicated !ery clearly to all those 2 spo#e with on the long distance telephone. How long, C lord, how longG This is the second year in a row that 2 ha!e gone to the Super 0owl and "een a"solutely certain at least ;> hours "efore gametime of the outcome. 2t is also the second year in a row that 2 ha!e failed to capitalize, financially, on this certainty. /ast year, "etting mainly with wealthy cocaine addicts, 2 switched all my "ets from 4ashington to Biami on Friday night and in the resulting confusion my net winnings were almost entirely canceled "y widespread rancor and personal "itterness. This year, in order to side step that pro"lem, 2 waited until the last moment to ma#e my "ets despite the fact that 2 #new the Di#ings were doomed after watching them perform for the press at their star crossed practice field on Bonday afternoon "efore the game. 2t was clear, e!en then, that they were spoo#ed and !ery uncertain a"out what they were getting into "ut it was not until 2 dro!e a"out @: miles around the "eltway to the other side of town for a loo# at the 1olphins that 2 #new, for sure, how to "et. There are a lot of factors intrinsic to the nature of the Super 0owl that ma#e it far more predicta"le than regular season games, or e!en playoffs "ut they are not the #ind of factors that can "e sensed or understood at a distance of @::: or e!en @: miles, on the "asis of any wisdom or information that filters out from the site through the rose colored "ooze "ent media filter that passes for (world wide co!erage( at these spectacles. There is a progression of understanding !is a !is pro foot"all that !aries drastically with the factor of distance physical, emotional, intellectual and e!ery other way. . . 4hich is exactly the way it should "e, in the eyes of the amazingly small num"er of people who own and control the game, "ecause it is this finely managed distance factor that accounts for the high profit m'sti9ue that "lew the sacred institution of "ase"all off its (national pastime( pedestal in less than 6< years. There were other reasons for "ase"all$s precipitous loss of popularity among e!ery"ody except old men and middle aged sportswriters "etween 67<7 and now %ust as there will "e a !ariety of reasons to explain the certain decline of pro foot"all "etween now and 67>; "ut if sporting historians e!er loo# "ac# on all this and try to explain it, there will "e no a!oiding the argument that pro foot"all$s meteoric success in the 67=:$s was directly attri"uta"le to its early marriage with networ# TD and a huge, coast to coast audience of armchair fans who (grew up( in terms of their personal relationships to The *ame with the idea that pro foot"all was something that happened e!ery Sunday on the tu"e. The notion of dri!ing eight miles along a crowded freeway and then paying L? to par# the car in order to pay another L6: to watch the game from the !antage point of a damp redwood "ench << rows a"o!e the 67 yard line in a crowd of noisy drun#s was entirely repugnant to them. And they were a"solutely right. After ten years of trying it "oth ways and especially after watching this last wretched Super 0owl game from a choice seat in the (press section( !ery high a"o!e the <: yard line 2 hope to christ 2 ne!er again succum" to whate!er #ind of wea#ness or madness it is that causes a person to endure the incoherent hell that comes with going out to a cold and rainy stadium for three hours on a Sunday afternoon and trying to get in!ol!ed with whate!er seems to "e happening down there on that far "elow field.

44 At the Super 0owl 2 had the "enefit of my usual game day aids9 powerful "inoculars, a tiny porta"le radio for the "lizzard of audio details that no"ody e!er thin#s to mention on TD, and a seat on the good left arm of my friend, Br. Natural. . . 0ut e!en with all these aids and a seat on the <: yard line, 2 would rather ha!e stayed in my hotel room and watched the goddamn thing on TD' or may"e in some howling drun# "ar full of hea!y "ettors the #ind of people who li#e to "et on e!ery play9 pass or run, three to one against a first down, twenty to one on a turno!er. . . This is a !ery fast and acti!e style of "etting, "ecause you ha!e to ma#e a decision a"out e!ery @< seconds. The only thing more intense is "etting yes or no on the next shot in something li#e a pro "as#et"all game "etween the Celtics and the ,nic#s, where you might get fi!e or six shots e!ery @; seconds. . . or may"e only one, "ut in any case the "etting is almost as exhausting as "eing out there on the floor. 2 stayed in Houston for two days after the game, "ut e!en with things calmed down 2 had no luc# in finding the people who$d caused me all my trou"le. 0oth Tom ,eating and Al /oCasale were rumored to "e in the !icinity, "ut according to some of the New Hor# sportswriters who$d seen them neither one was eager to either see or "e seen with me. 4hen 2 finally fled Houston it was a cold Tuesday afternoon with "ig la#es of standing water on the road to the airport. 2 almost missed my plane to 1en!er "ecause of a hassle with Aimmy the *ree# a"out who was going to dri!e us to the airport and another hassle with the hotel garage man a"out who was going to pay for eight days of tending my "ogus (Cfficial Super 0owl Car( in the hotel garage. . . and 2 pro"a"ly wouldn$t ha!e made it at all if 2 hadn$t run into a NF/ pu"licity man who ga!e me enough speed to %er# me awa#e and lash the little white Bercury Cougar out along the 1allas freeway to the airport in time to a"andon it in the (1eparturesJTaxis Cnly( area and hire a man for fi!e dollars to rush my "ags and sound e&uipment up to the Continental Airlines des# %ust in time to ma#e the flight. Twenty four hours later 2 was "ac# in 4oody Cree# and finally, "y sheer accident, ma#ing contact with that twisted "astard ,eating who "ent my "alance a "it "y calmly admitting his role in my .ro"lem and explaining it with one of the highest left handed compliments any"ody e!er aimed at me. . . (2 got nothing personal against Thompson,( he told another NF/ player who happened to "e s#iing in Aspen at the time9 (0ut let$s face it, we$!e got nothing to gain "y tal#ing to him. 2$!e read all his stuff and 2 #now how he is' he$s a goddamn lunatic and you$!e got to "e careful with a "astard li#e that, "ecause no matter how hard he tries, he %ust can$t help "ut tell the truth.( 4hen 2 heard that 2 %ust sort of slumped down on my "ar stool and stared at myself in the mirror. . . wishing, on one le!el, that ,eating$s harsh %udgment was right. . . "ut #nowing, on another, that the treacherous realities of the worlds 2 especially wor# in forced me to a"andon that purist stance a long time ago. 2f 2$d written all the truth 2 #new for the past ten years, a"out =:: people including me would "e rotting in prison cells from +io to Seattle today. A"solute truth is a !ery rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional %ournalism. 4hat was easily the most pro!ocati!e &uote of that whole dreary wee# came on the Bonday after the game from Biami line"ac#er 1oug Swift. He was tal#ing in his usual loose (4hatG Be worryG( #ind of way with two or three sports writers in the crowded lo""y of the Barriott. 0uses were lea!ing for the airport, 1olphin supporters and their wi!es were chec#ing out, the lo""y was full of stranded luggage, and off in one of the corners, 1on Shula was tal#ing with another clutch of sportswriters and ridiculing the notion that he would e!er get rid of Aim ,iic#, despite ,iic#$s o"!ious unhappiness at the prospect of riding the "ench again next year "ehind all pro running "ac# Bercury Borris.

45 Beanwhile, on the other side of the lo""y, 1oug Swift was going along with a con!ersation that had turned, along with Shula$s, to money and next year$s contracts. Swift listened for a while, then loo#ed up at whoe!er was tal#ing to him and said9 (Hou can expect to see a lot of new faces on next year$s NBiamiO team. A lot of important contracts are coming up for renewal, and you can "et that the guys will "e as#ing for more than management is willing to pay.( No"ody paid much attention to the decidedly unnatural timing of Swift$s matter of fact prediction a"out (a lot of new faces next year,( "ut it was not the #ind of tal# designed to tic#le either Shula$s or Aoe +o""ie$s rampant humours that morning. Aesus, here was the team$s .layer +epresentati!e a star line"ac#er and one of the sharpest 3 most politically conscious people in the /eague telling anyone who cared to listen, not e!en 6@ hours after the !ictory party, that the em"ryo (1olphin 1ynasty( was already in a !ery different #ind of trou"le than anything the Di#ings or the +eds#ins had "een a"le to lay on them in two straight Super 0owls. Swift$s comment was all the more ominous "ecause of his nature as the team$s spo#esman in the NF/ .layers$ Association a long dormant po#er clu", of sorts, that in recent years has de!eloped genuine muscle. )!en in the face of what most of the player reps call a (legalized and unregulated monopoly( with the power of what amounts to (life or death( o!er their indi!idual fates and financial futures in the tight little world of the National Foot"all /eague, the .layers$ Association since 678: has managed to challenge the owners on a few carefully chosen issues. . . The two most o"!ious, or at least most fre&uently mentioned "y players, are the .ension Fund Ewhich the owners now contri"ute to a"out twice as hea!ily as they did "efore the threatened stri#e in 678:F and the players$ unilateral re%ection, last year, of the (urinalysis proposal( which the owners and +ozelle were apparently ready and willing to arrange for them, rather than ris# any more pu"lic fights with Congress a"out things li#e TD "lac#outs and antitrust exemptions. According to .itts"urgh tac#le Tom ,eating, an articulate ma!eric# who seems to en%oy a uni!ersal affection and respect from almost e!ery"ody in the /eague except the owners and owner "ent coaches, the .layers$ Association croa#ed the idea of mass urinalysis with one &uic# snarl. (4e %ust told them to fuc# it,( he says. (The whole concept of mass urine tests is degradingI Aesus, can you imagine what would happen if one of those stadium cops showed up in the press "ox at half time with a hundred test tu"es and told all the writers to piss in the damn things or turn in their credentials for the rest of the seasonG 2$d li#e to film that goddamn scene.( 2 agreed with ,eating that mass urinalysis in the press "ox at half time would undou"tedly cause !iolence and a "lizzard of !icious assaults on the NF/ in the next mornings$ papers. . . "ut, after thin#ing a"out it for a while, the idea struc# me as ha!ing definite possi"ilities if applied on a "road enough "asis9 Bandatory urine tests for all congressmen and senators at the end of each session, for instance. 4ho could predict what #ind of screaming hell might erupt if +ep. Harley Staggers was suddenly gra""ed "y two .in#erton men in a hallway of the -S Capitol and dragged in full !iew of tourists, newsmen and se!eral dozen of his shoc#ed and frightened colleagues into a near"y corner and forced to piss in a test tu"eG 4ould Staggers scream for helpG 4ould he struggle in the grip of his captorsG Cr would he mee#ly su"mit, in the interest of National SecurityG 4e will pro"a"ly ne!er #now, "ecause the present Congress does not seem to "e in the mood to start passing (Forced -rinalysis( laws although the Agnew style Supreme Court that Nixon has saddled us with would pro"a"ly loo# with fa!or on such a law. 2n any case, the threat of mandatory urinalysis for professional athletes will pro"a"ly "e hooted out of Congress as some #ind of stupid hill"illy %o#e if Staggers e!er gets serious a"out it. He is not !iewed, in 4ashington, as a hea!y Sha#er and Bo!er.

46 4hen 1oug Swift made that comment a"out (a lot of new faces on next year$s team,( he was not thin#ing in terms of a player re!olt against forced urinalysis. 4hat he had in mind, 2 thin#, was the fact that among the 1olphin contracts coming up for renewal this year are those of /arry Cson#a, Aa#e Scott, .aul 4arfield, 1ic# Anderson and Bercury Borris all esta"lished stars earning "etween L?:,::: and L<<,::: a year right now, and all apparently in the mood to dou"le their salaries next time around. 4hich might seem a "it pushy, to some people until you start comparing a!erage salary figures in the National Foot"all /eague against salaries in other pro sports. The a!erage NF/ salary Eaccording to figures pro!ided "y .layers$ Association general counsel, )d *ar!eyF is L@>,<::, almost fi!e grand less than the L??,::: a!erage for ma%or league "ase"all players, and a"out half the a!erage salary E"etween L<:,::: and L<<,:::F in the National Hoc#ey /eague. . . 0ut when you start tal#ing a"out salaries in the National 0as#et"all Association, it$s time to #ic# out the %ams9 The average N0A salary is L7@,<:: a year. EThe N0A .layers$ Association claims that the a!erage salary is L6::,:::.F Against this steep green "ac#ground, it$s a little easier to see why /arry Cson#a wants a raise from his current salary of L<<,::: to L6::,::: or so, a figure that he$d pro"a"ly scale down pretty calmly if Aoe +o""ie offered him the a!erage N0A salary of L7@,<::. EA &uic# little sidelight on all these figures has to do with the price TD ad!ertisers paid to push their products during time outs and penalty s&ua""les at the Super 0owl9 The figure announced "y the NF/ and whate!er TD networ# carried the goddamn thing was L@::,::: per minute. 2 missed the telecast, due to factors "eyond my control which is why 2 don$t #now which networ# suc#ed up all that gra!y, or whether it was Schlitz, 0udweiser, *illette or e!en ,ing ,ong Amyl Nitrites that coughed up L@::,::: for e!ery =: seconds of TD exposure on that grim afternoon.F 0ut that was %ust a sidelight. . . and the longer 2 loo# at all these figures, my watch, and this goddamn stin#ing mo%o wire that$s "een "eeping steadily out here in the snow for two days, the more 2 tend to see this whole thing a"out a pending /a"or Banagement crunch in the NF/ as a story with a spine of its own that we should pro"a"ly lea!e for later. The only other thing or may"e two things that 2 want to hit, lashing the final pages of this "astard into the mo%o, has to do with the sudden and apparently serious formation of the (4orld Foot"all /eague( "y the same people whose record, so far, has "een pretty good when it comes to ta#ing on "ig time monopolies. /os Angeles lawyer *ary 1a!idson is the same man who put "oth the American 0as#et"all Association and the 4orld Hoc#ey /eague together two extremely presumptuous trips that appear to ha!e wor#ed out !ery nicely, and which also pro!ided the competition factor that caused the huge salary %umps in "oth "as#et"all and hoc#ey. .erhaps the "est example of how the competition factor affects player salaries comes from the ledger "oo#s of the NF/. 2n 67<7, the a!erage salary in pro foot"all was L7<:: a year. 0ut in 67=:, when the newly formed AF/ "egan its "ig money "idding war against pro foot"all$s Cld *uard, the a!erage NF/ salary suddenly %umped to L@8,<:: and in the 6? years since then it has crept up another L6::: to the current figure of L@>,<::. The explanation for all this according to *ar!ey and all the players 2$!e tal#ed to a"out it is rooted entirely in the owner arranged merger "etween the NF/ and the AF/ in 67==. ()!er since then,( says *ar!ey, (it$s "een a "uyer$s mar#et, and that$s why the NF/$s a!erage salary figure has remained so stagnant, compared to the other sports.( *ar!ey said he$d %ust as soon not ma#e any pu"lic comment on the possi"ility of a players$ stri#e next summer "ut there is a lot of pri!ate tal# a"out it among indi!idual players, and especially among the player reps and some of the politically oriented hard roc#ers li#e Swift, ,eating, and ,ansas City$s )d .odola#. The only person tal#ing &ublicl' a"out a players$ stri#e is *ary 1a!idson, president of the

47 new 4orld Foot"all /eague who called a press conference in New Hor# on Aanuary @@nd to announce that the 4F/ was not going after the top college players and the ?< or so NF/ !eterans who played out their options last year "ut, in a sudden re!ersal of policy that must ha!e sent cold shots of fear through e!ery one of the @= plush "oardrooms in the NF/, 1a!idson announced that the 4F/ will also draft (all pro foot"all players, e!en those under contract,( and then "egin draining talent out of the NF/ "y a simple de!ice called (future contracts.( 2f the 0oston 0ulls of the 4F/, for instance, decided to draft 1olphin &uarter"ac# 0o" *riese this year and sign him to a future contract for 678<, *riese would play the entire (8; season for Biami, and then after getting a certified deposit slip for something li#e L@ million in gold "ullion from his "an# in Purich he would ha!e a round of farewell "eers with +o""ie and Shula "efore catching the plane for 0oston, where he would open the 678= season as &uarter"ac# for the 0ulls. This is only one of se!eral hundred weird scenarios that could start unfolding in the next few months if the 4F/ franchise owners ha!e enough real money to ta#e ad!antage of the NF/ players$ stri#e that *ary 1a!idson says he$s waiting for this summer. 4hy notG Total madness on the money front9 Huge "onuses, "rutal money raids on NF/ teams li#e the 1olphins and the +aiders' wild eyed 4F/ agents flying around the country in pri!ate /ear %ets with huge sac#s of cash and mind "ending contracts for any player willing to switch. . . The only sure loser, in the end, will "e the poor "astard who "uys a season tic#et for the 1olphins $8= season and then pic#s up the Biami Herald the next day to find a red "anner headline saying9 *+2)S), ,A2C,, CSCN,A, SCCTT, AN1)+SCN A-B. TC 4F/. 4hich is sad, "ut what the hellG None of this tortured "ullshit a"out the future of pro foot"all means anything, anyway. 2f the +ed Chinese in!aded tomorrow and "anned the game entirely, no"ody would really miss it after two or three months. )!en now, most of the games are so fuc#ing dull that it$s hard to understand how any"ody can e!en watch them on TD unless they ha!e some money hanging on the point spread, instead of the final score. .ro foot"all in America is o!er the hump. Ten years ago it was a !ery hip and pri!ate #ind of !ice to "e into. 2 remem"er going to my first ;7er game in 67=< with 6< "eers in a plastic cooler and a 1r. *ra"ow pipe full of "ad hash. The ;7ers were still playing in ,ezar stadium then, an old grey hul# at the western end of Haight Street in *olden *ate .ar#. There were ne!er any sellouts, "ut the ?:,::: or so regulars were extremely hea!y drin#ers, and at least 6:,::: of them were out there for no other reason except to get in!ol!ed in serious !iolence. . . 0y halftime the place was a drun#en madhouse, and any"ody who couldn$t get it on anywhere else could always go underneath the stands and try to get into the long trough of a (Ben$s +oom( through the (Cut( door' there were always a few mean drun#s lur#ing around to punch any"ody who tried that. . . and "y the end of the third &uarter of any game, regardless of the score, there were always two or three huge "rawls that would re&uire the cops to clear out whole sections of the grandstand. 0ut all that changed when the ;7ers mo!ed out to Candlestic# .ar#. The prices dou"led and a whole new crowd too# the seats. 2t was the same #ind of crowd 2 saw, last season, in the four games 2 went to at the Ca#land Coliseum9 a sort of half rich mo" of ner!ous doctors, lawyers and "an# officers who would sit through the whole game without e!er ma#ing a sound not e!en when some frea# with a head full of acid spilled a whole "eer down the nec# of their grey plastic s#i %ac#ets. Toward the end of the season, when the +aiders were "attling e!ery wee# for a spot in the playoffs, some of the players got so pissed off at the stuporous nature of their (fans( that they "egan ma#ing pu"lic appeals for (cheering( and (noise.( 2t was a "ad %o#e if you didn$t ha!e to li!e with it and as far as 2$m concerned 2 hope to hell 2 ne!er see the inside of another foot"all stadium. Not e!en a free seat with free "ooze in the press "ox. That gig is o!er now, and 2 "lame it on Dince /om"ardi.

48 The success of his *reen 0ay approach in the $=:$s restructured the game entirely. /om"ardi ne!er really thought a"out "inning: his trip was not losing. . . 4hich wor#ed, and "ecause it wor#ed the rest of the NF/ "ought /om"ardi$s whole style9 A!oid Bista#es, 1on$t Fuc# -p, Hang Tough and Ta#e No Chances. . . 0ecause sooner or later the enemy will ma#e a mista#e and then you start grinding them down, and if you play the defensi!e percentage you$ll get inside his ?: yard line at least three times in each half, and once you$re inside the ?: you want to "e sure to get at least three points. . . 4onderful. 4ho can argue with a "attle plan li#e thatG And it is worth remem"ering that +ichard Nixon spent many Sundays, during all those long and lonely autumns "etween 67=@ and $=>, shuffling around on the field with Dince /om"ardi at *reen 0ay .ac#er games. Nixon still spea#s of /om"ardi as if he might suddenly appear, at any moment, from underneath one of the larger roc#s on the 4hite House lawn. . . And 1on Shula, despite his fairly o"!ious distaste for Nixon, has adopted the /om"ardi style of foot"all so effecti!ely that the 1olphins are now one of the dullest teams to watch in the history of pro foot"all. 0ut most of the others are %ust as dull and if you need any proof, find a TD set some wee#end that has pro foot"all, "as#et"all and hoc#ey games on three different channels. 2n terms of pure action and mo!ement, the NF/ is a molasses farm compared to the fine sense of cran# that comes on when you get loc#ed into watching a team li#e the Bontreal Canadiens or the 0oston Celtics. Cne of the few sharp memories 2 still ha!e from that soggy wee# in Houston is the sight of the trophy that would go to the team that won the 0ig *ame on Sunday. 2t was appropriately named after Dince /om"ardi9 (The /om"ardi Trophy,( a thic# sil!er fist rising out of a "loc# of "lac# granite. The trophy has all the style and grace of an ice floe in the North Atlantic. There is a sil!er pla&ue on one side of the "ase that says something a"out Dince /om"ardi and the Super 0owl. . . "ut the most interesting thing a"out it is a word that is car!ed, for no apparent or at least no esthetic reason, in the top of the "lac# mar"le "ase9 (12SC2./2N)( That$s all it says, and all it needs to say. The $8? 1olphins, 2 suspect, will "e to pro foot"all what the $=; Han#ees were to "ase"all, the final flower of an era whose time has come and gone. The long and ham fisted shadow of Dince /om"ardi will "e on us for many more years. . . 0ut the cran# is gone. . . Should we end the "ugger with thatG 4hy notG /et the sportswriters ta#e it from here. And when things get ner!ous, there$s always that smac# filled L8 a night motel room down on the seawall in *al!eston. Rolling Stone ;<=>! Fe"ruary 6<, 678?

The Te3ptat+ons o5 9ean(Clau-e /+ll0

*ray day in 0oston. .iles of dirty snow around the airport. . . By coc#tail flight from 1en!er was right on time, "ut Aean Claude ,illy was not there to meet me. 0ill Cardoso lur#ed near the gate, grinning through elegant rimless glasses, commenting on our way to the "ar that 2 loo#ed li#e a candidate for a serious dope "ust. Sheeps#in !ests are not "ig in 0oston these days. (0ut loo# at these fine wing tips,( 2 said, pointing down at my shoes. He chuc#led. (All 2 can see is that goddamn nec#lace. 0eing seen with you could %eopardize my career. 1o you ha!e anything illegal in that "agG(

49 (Ne!er,( 2 said. (A man can$t tra!el around on airplanes wearing a Condor /egion nec# piece unless he$s totally clean. 2$m not e!en armed. . . This whole situation ma#es me feel ner!ous and weird and thirsty.( 2 lifted my sunglasses to loo# for the "ar, "ut the light was too harsh. (4hat a"out ,illyG( he said. (2 thought you were supposed to meet him.( (2 can$t handle it tonight,( 2 said. (2$!e "een chasing all o!er the country for 6: days on this thing9 Chicago, 1en!er, Aspen, Salt /a#e City, Sun Dalley, 0altimore. Now 0oston and tomorrow New Hampshire. 2$m supposed to ride up there with them tonight on the Head S#i "us, "ut 2$m not up to it' all those hired gee#s with their ri" tic#lers. /et$s ha!e a drin#, then 2$ll cancel out on the "us trip.( 2t seemed li#e the only decent thing to do. So we dro!e around to the airport hotel and went inside, where the des# cler# said the Head S#i people were gathered in +oom @;8. 4hich was true' they were in there, perhaps ?: in all, standing around a cloth co!ered ta"le loaded with "eer and diced hotdogs. 2t loo#ed li#e a coc#tail party for the local .atrolmen$s 0ene!olent Association. These were the Head S#i dealers, presuma"ly from around the New )ngland area. And right in their midst, loo#ing fatigued and wretchedly uncomforta"le yes, 2 couldn$t &uite "elie!e it, "ut there he was9 Aean Claude ,illy, the world$s greatest s#ier, now retired at age @= with three Clympic gold medals, a fistful of golden contracts, a personal manager and ran#ing cele"rity status on three continents. . . Cardoso nudged me, whispering, (Aesus, there$s ,illy.( 2 hadn$t expected to find him here' not in a dim little windowless room in the "owels of a plastic motel. 2 stopped %ust inside the door. . . and a dead silence fell on the room. They stared, saying nothing, and Cardoso said later that he thought we were going to "e attac#ed. 2 hadn$t expected a party. 2 thought we were loo#ing for a pri!ate room, containing either (0ud( Stanner, Head$s Bar#eting 1irector, or Aac# +ose, the .+ man. 0ut neither one was there. The only person 2 recognized was Aean Claude, so 2 waded through the silence to where he was standing, near the hotdog ta"le. 4e shoo# hands, "oth of us !i"rating discomfort in this strange atmosphere. 2 was ne!er &uite sure a"out ,illy, ne!er #nowing if he understood why 2 was em"arrassed for him in those scenes. A wee# earlier he$d seemed insulted when 2 smiled at his pitchman$s performance at the Chicago Auto Show, where he and C.A. Simpson had spent two days selling Che!rolets. ,illy had seen no humor in his act, and he couldn$t understand why 2 did. Now, standing around in this grim, "eer fla!ored sales meeting, it occurred to me that may"e he thought 2 felt uncomforta"le "ecause 2 wasn$t wearing a red tie and a +o"ert Hall "lazer with "rass "uttons li#e most of the others. Bay"e he was em"arrassed to "e seen with me, a 4eird .erson of some sort. . . and with Cardoso, wearing granny glasses and a "ig grin, wandering around the room mum"ling, (Aesus, where are weG This must "e Nixon head&uarters.( 4e didn$t stay long. 2 introduced Cardoso as an editor of the 0oston *lo"e, and that stirred a "it of interest in the dealer salesmen ran#s they are wise in the ways of pu"licity "ut my nec#piece was o"!iously more than they could handle. Their faces tensed when 2 reached into the "eer tu"' nothing had "een offered and my thirst was "ecoming acute. Aean Claude %ust stood there in his "lazer, smiling ner!ously. Cutside in the hallway, Cardoso erupted with laughter. (4hat an incredi"le sceneI 4hat was he doing with those "umsG( 2 shoo# my head. ,illy$s hard sell scenes no longer surprised me, "ut finding him trapped in a "eer and hotdog gig was li#e wandering into some housing pro%ect #affee#latsch and finding Aac&ueline ,ennedy Cnassis ma#ing a straight faced pitch for Folger$s instant "rewed. By head was not straight at that stage of the in!estigation. Two wee#s of guerrilla warfare with Aean Claude ,illy$s pu"licity %uggernaut had dri!en me to the "rin# of hysteria. 4hat had "egun in Chicago as a simple s#etch of a French athlete turned American culture hero had de!eloped, "y the time 2 got to 0oston, into a series of maddening s#irmishes with an interloc#ing directorate of pu"lic relations people.

50 2 was past the point of needing any more pri!ate time with Aean Claude. 4e had already done our thing a four hour head on clash that ended with him yelling9 (Hou and me, we are completely different. 4e are not the same #ind of peopleI Hou don$t understandI Hou could ne!er do what 2$m doingI Hou sit there and smile, "ut you don$t #now what it isI 2 am tired. TiredI 2 don$t care anymore not on the inside.or the outsideI 2 don$t care what 2 say, what 2 thin#, but 3 have to kee& doing it. And two wee#s from now 2 can go "ac# home to rest, and spend all my money.( There was a hint of decency perhaps e!en humor a"out him, "ut the high powered realities of the world he li!es in now ma#e it hard to deal with him on any terms except those of pure commerce. His handlers rush him from one scheduled appearance to the next' his time and priorities are parceled out according to their dollarJpu"licity !alue' e!erything he says is screened and programmed. He often sounds li#e a prisoner of war, dutifully repeating his name, ran# and serial num"er. . . and smiling, %ust as dutifully, fixing his interrogator with that wistful, distracted sort of half grin that he kno"s is deadly effecti!e "ecause his handlers ha!e showed him the e!idence in a hundred press clippings. The smile has "ecome a trademar#. 2t com"ines Aames 1ean, .orfiro +u"irosa and a teen age "an# cler# with a foolproof em"ezzlement scheme. ,illy pro%ects an innocence and a shy !ulnera"ility that he is wor#ing !ery hard to o!ercome. He li#es the carefree, hell for leather image that he earned as the world$s "est s#i racer, "ut nostalgia is not his "ag, and his real interest now is his new commercial scene, the high rolling world of the Boney *ame, where nothing is free and amateurs are called /osers. The wistful smile is still there, and ,illy is shrewd enough to !alue it, "ut it will "e a hard thing to retain through three years of Auto Shows, e!en for L6::,::: a year. 4e "egan in Chicago, at some awful hour of the morning, when 2 was roused out of a hotel stupor and hustled around a corner on Bichigan A!enue to where Che!rolet$s general manager Aohn P. 1e/orean was addressing an audience of 8< (automoti!e writers( at a "rea#fast press conference on the mezzanine of the Continental .laza. The room loo#ed li#e a "ingo parlor in Tulsa narrow, full of long formica ta"les with a ma#eshift "ar at one end ser!ing coffee, 0loody Barys and sweet rolls. 2t was the morning of the first "ig wee#end of the Chicago Auto Show, and Che!rolet was going whole hog. Sitting next to 1e/orean at the head ta"le were Aean Claude ,illy and C. A. Simpson, the foot"all hero. ,illy$s manager was there a tall, thic# fellow named Bar# BcCormac#, from Cle!eland, a specialist in rich athletes and pro"a"ly the only man ali!e who #nows what ,illy is worth. Figures ranging from L6::,::: to L<::,::: a year are meaningless in the context of today$s long term high finance. A good tax lawyer can wor# miracles with a six figure income. . . and with all the fine machinery a!aila"le to a man who can hire the "est money managers, ,illy$s finances are so s#illfully tangled that he can$t understand them himself. 2n some cases, a "ig contract say, L<::,::: is really a < year annual salary of L@:,::: with a L;::,::: interest free loan, deposited in the star$s account, paying anywhere from < per cent to @: per cent annually, depending on how he uses it. He can$t touch the principal, "ut a L;::,::: nut will yield L?:,::: a year "y accident and a money man wor#ing for ?: percent can easily triple that figure. 4ith that #ind of property to protect, BcCormac# has assumed !eto power o!er anyone assigned to write a"out it for the pu"lic prints. This is compounded in its foulness "y the fact that he usually gets away with it. Aust prior to my introduction he had !etoed a writer from one of the "ig selling men$s magazines who e!entually wrote a !ery good ,illy article anyway "ut without e!er tal#ing to the su"%ect. (Naturally, you$ll "e discreet,( he told me. (A"out whatG( (Hou #now what 2 mean.( He smiled. (Aean Claude has his pri!ate life and 2$m sure you

51 won$t want to em"arrass him or anyone else including yourself, 2 might add "y !iolating confidence.( (4ell. . . certainly not,( 2 replied, flashing him a fine eye"row shrug to co!er my puzzlement. He seemed pleased, and 2 glanced o!er at ,illy, who was chatting amia"ly with 1e/orean, saying, (2 hope you can s#i with me sometime at Dal d$2sQre.( 4as there something depra!ed in that faceG Could the innocent smile mas# a twisted mindG 4hat was BcCormac# hinting atG Nothing in ,illy$s manner seemed weird or degenerate. He spo#e earnestly not comforta"le with )nglish, "ut handling it well enough. 2f anything, he seemed o!erly polite, !ery concerned with saying the right thing, li#e an 2!y /eague "usiness school grad doing well on his first %o" inter!iew confident, "ut not &uite sure. 2t was hard to imagine him as a sex frea#, hurrying "ac# to his hotel room and calling room ser!ice for a cattle prod and two female iguanas. 2 shrugged and mixed myself another 0loody Bary. BcCormac# seemed satisfied that 2 was giddy and mallea"le enough for the tas# at hand, so he switched his attention to a small, wa!y haired fellow named /eonard +oller, a representati!e of one of Che!rolet$s numerous pu"lic relations firms. 2 drifted o!er to introduce myself. Aean Claude laid his famous smile on me and we tal#ed "riefly a"out nothing at all. 2 too# it for granted that he was tired of dealing with writers, reporters, gossip hustlers and that il#, so 2 explained that 2 was more interested in his new role as salesman cele"rity and his reactions to it than 2 was in the standard, &uestionJanswer game. He seemed to understand, smiling sympathetically at my complaints a"out lac# of sleep and early morning press conferences. ,illy is smaller than he loo#s on tele!ision, "ut larger than most s#i racers, who are usually short and "eefy, li#e weight lifting %oc#eys and human cannon"alls. He is almost = feet tall and claims to weigh 68< pounds which is easy enough to "elie!e when you meet him head on, "ut his profile loo#s nearly weightless. Diewed from the side, his frame is so flat that he seems li#e a life size card"oard cut out. Then, when he turns to face you again, he loo#s li#e a scaled down Aoe .aloo#a, perfectly "uilt. 2n swimming trun#s he is almost delicate, except for his thighs huge chun#s of muscle, the thighs of an Clympic sprinter or a pro "as#et"all guard. . . or a man who has spent a lifetime on s#is. Aean Claude, li#e Aay *ats"y, has (one of those rare smiles with a &uality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or fi!e times in life. 2t faced or seemed to face the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on 'ou with an irresisti"le pre%udice in your fa!or. 2t understood you %ust as far as you would li#e to "elie!e in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your "est, you hoped to con!ey.( That description of *ats"y "y Nic# Carraway of Scott, "y Fitzgerald might %ust as well "e of A. C. ,illy, who also fits the rest of it9 (.recisely at that point N*ats"y$s smileO !anished and 2 was loo#ing at an elegant young roughnec#, whose ela"orate formality of speech %ust missed "eing a"surd. . .( The point is not to #noc# ,illy$s )nglish, which is far "etter than my French, "ut to emphasize his careful, finely coached choice of words. (He$s an amazing "oy,( 2 was told later "y /en +oller. (He wor#s at this Nselling Che!roletsO %ust as hard as he used to wor# at winning races. He attacks it with the same concentration you remem"er from watching him s#i.( The assumption that 2 remem"ered ,illy on s#is came naturally to +oller. Aean Claude is on TD so often, s#iing at selected resorts all o!er the world, that it is nearly impossi"le to miss seeing him. This is The )xposure that ma#es him so !alua"le' e!ery TD appearance adds dollars to his price. .eople recogni?e ,illy, and they li#e his image a sexy darede!il, "ooming downhill toward a cushion of na#ed snow"unnies. This is why Che!rolet pays him a salary far larger than Nixon$s to say, o!er and o!er again, (For me, zee Camaro is a fine foreign sports car. 2 own one, you #now. 2 #eep it in my garage at Dal d$2sQre( E,illy$s hometown in the French AlpsF.

52 Aean Claude emerged from the 67=> 4inter Clympics with an incredi"le three gold medals and then he retired, ending his (amateur( career li#e a human s#yroc#et. There was nothing left to win' after two 4orld Cups Ethe e&ui!alent of two straight Heisman Trophies in -. S. collegiate foot"allF and an unprecedented sweep of all three Clympic s#iing e!ents Ethe e&ui!alent of a sprinter winning the 6::, @@:, and ;;:F, ,illy$s career reads as if his press agent had written the script for it a series of spectacular personal !ictories, climaxed "y the first triple crown triumph in the history of s#iing while the whole world watched on TD. The ner!ous tedium of forced retirement o"!iously "others ,illy, "ut it comes as no surprise to him. He was loo#ing o!er the hump e!en "efore his final triumph in the $=> Clympics. 0etween training sessions at *reno"le he tal#ed li#e a character out of some early Hemingway s#etch, shrugging "lan#ly at the #nowledge that he was coming to the end of the only thing he #new9 (Soon s#iing will "e worn out for me,( he said. (For the last 6: years 2 ha!e prepared myself to "ecome the world champion. By thoughts were only to "etter my control and my style in order to "ecome the "est. Then last year N67=8O 2 "ecame the world champion. 2 was gi!en a small medal and for two days after that it was hell. 2 disco!ered that 2 was still eating li#e e!ery"ody else, sleeping li#e e!ery"ody else that 2 hadn$t "ecome the superman 2 thought my title would ma#e me. The disco!ery actually destroyed me for two days. So when people spea# to me a"out the excitement of "ecoming an Clympic champion this year should it happen 2 #now it will "e the same thing all o!er again. 2 #now that after the races at *reno"le the "est thing for me is to stop.( For ,illy, the Clympics were the end of the road. The wa!e of the future crashed down on him within hours after his disputed *rand Slalom !ictory o!er ,arl Schranz of Austria. Suddenly they were on him a chattering green"ac# swarm of agents, money mongers and would "e (personal reps( of e!ery shape and description. Bar# BcCormac#$s persistence lent weight to his glittering claim that he could do for ,illy what he had already done for Arnold .almer. Aean Claude listened, shrugged, then duc#ed out for a while to .aris, the +i!iera, "ac# home to Dal d$2sQre and finally, after wee#s of half heartedly dodging the ine!ita"le, signed with BcCormac#. The only sure thing in the deal was a hell of a lot of money, "oth sooner and later. 0eyond that, ,illy had no idea what he was getting into. Now he was showing us how much he$d learned. The Che!!y press "rea#fast was "rea#ing up and /en +oller suggested that the three of us go downstairs to the dining room. A. C. nodded "rightly and 2 smiled the calm smile of a man a"out to "e rescued from a Hon#er$s Con!ention. 4e drifted downstairs, where +oller found us a corner ta"le in the dining room "efore excusing himself to ma#e a phone call. The waitress "rought menus, "ut ,illy wa!ed her off, saying he wanted only prune %uice. 2 was on the !erge of ordering hue!os rancheros with a dou"le side of "acon, "ut in deference to A. C.$s apparent illness 2 settled for grapefruit and coffee. ,illy was studying a mimeographed news release that 2$d gra""ed off a ta"le at the press conference in lieu of notepaper. He nudged me and pointed at something in the lead paragraph. (2sn$t this amazingG( he as#ed. 2 loo#ed9 The used side of my notepaper was headed9 N)4S. . . from Che!rolet Botor 1i!ision. . . CH2CA*C Che!rolet "egan its (spring selling season( as early as Aanuary first this year, Aohn P. 1e/orean, general manager, said here today. He told newsmen attending the opening of the Chicago Auto Show that Che!rolet sales are off to the fastest start since its record year of 67=<. (4e sold ?<@,::: cars in Aanuary and Fe"ruary,( 1e/orean said. (That$s @@ per cent ahead of last year. 2t ga!e us @=.7 per cent of the industry, compared to @? per cent a year ago. . .( ,illy said it again9 (2sn$t this amazingG( 2 loo#ed to see if he was smiling "ut his face was deadly serious and his !oice was pure sna#e oil. 2 called for more coffee, nodding distractedly at ,illy$s aw#ward hustle, and cursing the greedy instinct that had "rought me into this thing. . . sleepless and ill fed, trapped in a strange food cellar with a French auto salesman.

53 0ut 2 stayed to play the game, gnawing on my grapefruit and soon following +oller out to the street, where we were scooped up "y a large nondescript car that must ha!e "een a Che!rolet. 2 as#ed where we were going and some"ody said, (First to the Berchandise Bart, where he$ll do a tape for ,up$s show, and then to the Auto Show at the Stoc#yards.( That last note hung for a moment, not registering. . . ,up$s show was "ad enough. 2 had "een on it once, and caused a nasty scene "y calling Adlai Ste!enson a professional liar when all the other guests were there to pu"licize some #ind of Ste!enson Bemorial. Now nearly two years later, 2 saw no point in introducing myself. ,up was ta#ing it easy this time, %o#ing with athletes. ,illy was o!ershadowed "y 0art Starr, representing /incoln Bercury, and Fran Tar#enton, wearing a 1odge "lazer. . . "ut with ,illy in eclipse the Che!rolet team still made the nut with C. A. Simpson, modestly admitting that he pro"a"ly wouldn$t tear the National Foot"all /eague apart in his first year as a pro. 2t was a dull, low le!el discussion, li"erally spotted with promo mentions for the Auto Show. Aean Claude$s only "rea#through came when ,up, cued "y a story in that morning$s Tri"une, as#ed what ,illy reall' thought a"out the whole &uestion of (amateur( athletic status. (2s it safe to assume,( ,up as#ed, (that you were paid for using certain s#is in the ClympicsG( (SafeG( ,illy as#ed. ,up chec#ed his notes for a new &uestion and ,illy loo#ed relie!ed. The hypocrisy inherent in the whole concept of (amateurism( has always annoyed ,illy, and now, with the immunity of graduate status, he doesn$t mind admitting that he !iews the whole game as a fraud and a folly. 1uring most of his career on the French s#i team he was listed, for pu"licity reasons, as a *o!ernment employed Customs 2nspector. No"ody "elie!ed it, not e!en officials of the FRdRration 2nternationale de S#i EF2SF, the go!erning "ody for world class amateur s#i competition. The whole idea was a"surd. 4ho, after all, could "elie!e that the reigning world s#i champion a heroJcele"rity whose arri!al in any airport from .aris to To#yo drew crowds and TD cameras was actually supporting himself on a salary gleaned from his off season efforts in some dreary customs shed at BarseillesG He spo#e with a definite humility, as if he felt slightly em"arrassed "y all the ad!antages he$d had. Then, a"out two hours later when our tal# had turned to contemporary things the high style realities of his new %et set life he suddenly "lurted9 (0efore, 2 could only dream a"out these things. 4hen 2 was young 2 had nothing! 2 was poor. . . Now 2 can ha!e anything 2 wantI( Aean Claude seems to understand, without really resenting it, that he is "eing weaned away from the fran# un!arnished style of his amateur days. Cne afternoon at Dail, for instance, he listened to a sportscaster telling him what a great run he$d %ust made, and then, fully aware that he was tal#ing for a li!e "roadcast, Aean Claude laughed at the commentary and said he$d %ust made one of the worst runs of his life a complete disaster, doing e!erything wrong. Now, with the help of his professional ad!isers, he has learned to "e patient and polite especially in America, with the press. 2n France he is more secure, and far more recogniza"le to the people who #new him "efore he "ecame a salesman. He was in .aris last spring when A!ery 0rundage, >@ year old president of the 2nternational Clympic Committee, called on Aean Claude and se!eral other winners of gold medals at the 67=> 4inter Clympics to return them. 0rundage, a tunnel !isioned purist of the Cld School, was shoc#ed "y disclosures that many of the winners including ,illy didn$t e!en #now what the word (amateur( meant. For years, said 0rundage, these faithless poseurs had "een accepting money from (commercial interests( ranging from e&uipment manufacturers to magazine pu"lishers. Cne of these gimmic#s made headlines %ust prior to the start of the *ames, if memory ser!es, and was aw#wardly resol!ed "y a &uic# ruling that none of the winners could either mention or display their s#is Eor any other e&uipmentF during any TD inter!iew or press exposure. -ntil then, it had "een standard practice for the winner of any ma%or race to ma#e the "rand name on his s#is as prominent as possi"le during all camera sessions. The (no show( ruling wor#ed a hardship on a lot

54 of s#iers at *reno"le, "ut it failed to satisfy A!ery 0rundage. His demand that the medals "e returned called up memories of Aim Thorpe, who was stripped of e!erything he won in the 676@ Clympics "ecause he had once "een paid to play in a semi pro "ase"all game. Thorpe went along with the madness, returning his medals and li!ing the rest of his life with the taint of (disgrace( on his name. )!en now, the nasty Clympics scandal is the main feature of Thorpe$s "iographical s#etch in the new Colum"ia )ncyclopedia. 0ut when a Bontreal Star reporter as#ed Aean Claude how he felt a"out turning in his Clympic medals, he replied9 (/et 0rundage come o!er here himself and ta#e them from me.( 2t was a rare pu"lic display of (the old Aean Claude.( His American personality has "een carefully manicured to a!oid such out"ursts. Che!rolet doesn$t pay him to say what he thin#s, "ut to sell Che!rolets and you don$t do that "y telling self righteous old men to fuc# off. Hou don$t e!en admit that the French *o!ernment paid you to "e a s#ier "ecause things are done that way in France and most other countries, and no"ody "orn after 67:: calls it anything "ut natural. . . when you sell Che!rolets in America you honor the myths and mentality of the mar#etplace9 Hou smile li#e Horatio Alger and gi!e all the credit to Bom and 1ad, who ne!er lost faith in you and e!en mortgaged their ingots when things got tough. Anyone watching our departure from the ,up show must ha!e assumed that A. C. tra!eled with fi!e or six "odyguards. 2$m still not sure who the others were. /en +oller was always around, and a hostile, "urr haired little "ugger from whiche!er of Che!!y$s .+ agencies was running the Auto Show, who too# me aside early on to warn me that +oller was (only a guest 2$m running this show.( +oller laughed at the slur, saying, (He only thinks he$s running it.( The others were ne!er introduced' they did things li#e dri!e cars and open doors. They were large, unconfident men, !ery polite in the style of armed gas station attendants. 4e left the Berchandise Bart and zapped off on a freeway to the Auto Show and suddenly it registered9 The Stoc#yards Amphitheatre. 2 was "anging along the freeway in that "ig car, listening to the others trade "ullJfuc# %o#es, trapped in the "ac# seat "etween ,illy and +oller, heading for that rotten slaughterhouse where Bayor 1aley had "uried the 1emocratic party. 2 had "een there "efore, and 2 remem"ered it well. Chicago this !icious, stin#ing zoo, this mean grinning, Bace smelling "oneyard of a city' an elegant roc#pile monument to e!erything cruel and stupid and corrupt in the human spirit. The pu"lic is out in force to !iew the new models. Aean Claude ma#es his pitch for Che!rolet e!ery two hours on the "utton9 6 ? < 8 7. The e!en num"ered hours are reser!ed for C. A. Simpson. 0ar#er9 (Tell me, C. A., are you faster than that car o!er thereG( C. A.9 (Hou mean that groo!y Che!roletG Naw, man, that$s the only thing 2 #now that$s faster than me. . . ho, ho. . .( Beanwhile, slumped in a folding chair near the ,illy exhi"it, smo#ing a pipe and "rooding on the spoo#s in this place, 2 am suddenly confronted "y three young "oys wearing 0ass 4ee%uns and .endleton shirts, %unior high types, and one of them as#s me9 (Are you Aean Claude ,illyG( (That$s right,( 2 said. (4hat are you doingG( they as#ed. 4ell, you goddamn silly little waterhead, what the hell does it look li#e 2$m doingG 0ut 2 didn$t say that. 2 ga!e the &uestion some thought. (4ell,( 2 said finally, (2$m %ust sitting here smo#ing mari%uana.( 2 held up my pipe. (This is what ma#es me s#i so fast.( Their eyes swelled up li#e young grapefruits. They stared at me waiting for a laugh, 2 thin# then "ac#ed away. Fi!e minutes later 2 loo#ed up and found them still watching me, huddled a"out @: feet away "ehind the s#y "lue P @> Che!!y on its slow mo!ing turnta"le. 2 wa!ed my pipe at them and smiled li#e Hu"ert

55 Humphrey. . . "ut they didn$t wa!e "ac#. ,illy$s Auto Show act was a com"ination inter!iewJautograph thing, with the &uestions coming from +oller and a sil!er "londe model in ru""erized stretch pants. The Che!!y people had set up a plywood podium next to the P @> which they said was a new and special model, "ut which loo#ed li#e any other Camaro with a EHeadF s#i rac# on top. Not far away, on another platform, C. A. Simpson fielded &uestions from a ripe little "lac# girl, also dressed in tight s#i pants. The acts remained segregated except in moments of unexpected crowd pressure, when the "lac# model would occasionally ha!e to inter!iew ,illy. The "londe girl was ne!er cast with C. A. at least not while 2 was there. 4hich hardly matters, except as casual e!idence that Che!!y$s image ma#ers still see racial separatism as good "usiness, particularly in Chicago. Cn the way in, +oller had rehearsed Aean Claude on the M. and A. se&uence9 (C#ay, then 2$ll say, $2 see an interesting loo#ing car o!er there, Aean Claude can you tell us something a"out itG$ And then you say. . . whatG( A. C.9 (Ch, yes, that is my car, the new P @>. 2t has seat co!ers made of Austrian s#i sweaters. And you notice my special license plate, AC,. . .( +oller9 (That$s fine. The important thing is to "e spontaneous.( A. C. EpuzzledF9 (Spuen tan )-SG( +oller EgrinningF9 (1on$t worry you$ll do fine.( And he did. ,illy$s pu"lic pitch is !ery low #ey, a !i!id contrast to C. A. Simpson, whose sales techni&ue has all the su"tlety of a power slant on third and one. . . C. A. likes this scene. His "ooming self confidence suggests Alfred ). Neuman in "lac#face or +ap 0rown selling watermelons at the Bississippi State Fair. C. A.$s mind is not complicated' he has had *od on his side for so long that it ne!er occurs to him that selling Che!rolets is any less holy than ma#ing touchdowns. /i#e Fran# *ifford, whose shoes he finally filled in the -SC "ac#field, he understands that foot"all is only the "eginning of his TD career. C. A. is a 0lac# Capitalist in the most "asic sense of that term' his "usiness sense is so powerful that he is a"le to !iew his "lac#ness as a mere sales factor a natural intro to the 0lac# Bar#etplace, where a hon#y show"oat li#e ,illy is doomed from the start. There are some people in (the trade,( in fact, who can$t understand why the Che!rolet wizards consider ,illy as !alua"le on the image selling scale as a hotdog American fol# hero li#e C. A. Simpson. (4hat the hell were they thin#ing a"out when they signed that guy for three hundred grand a yearG( muttered a ran#ing (automoti!e %ournalist( as he watched ,illy$s act on Saturday afternoon. 2 shoo# my head and wondered, remem"ering 1e/orean$s owlish confidence that morning at the press "rea#fast. Then 2 loo#ed at the crowd surrounding ,illy. They were white and apparently sol!ent, their a!erage age around ?: the #ind of people who could o"!iously afford to "uy s#is and ma#e payments on new cars. C. A. Simpson drew "igger crowds, "ut most of his admirers were around 6@ years old. Two thirds of them were "lac# and many loo#ed li#e fugiti!es from the Credit 0ureau$s garnishee file. Bar# BcCormac# signed to manage Arnold .almer a decade ago %ust prior to the *reat *olf 0oom. His reasons for "etting on ,illy are %ust as o"!ious. S#iing is no longer an esoteric sport for the idle rich, "ut a fantastically popular new winter status game for anyone who can afford L<:: for e&uipment. Fi!e years ago the figure would ha!e "een three times that, plus another loose L6,::: for a wee# at Stowe or Sun Dalley, "ut now, with the ad!ent of snow ma#ing machines, e!en Chattanooga is a (s#i town.( The Bidwest is dotted with icy (wee# night( slalom hills, lit up li#e the miniature golf courses of the )isenhower age. The origins of the s#i "oom were "ased entirely on economics and the appeal of the sport itself. . . no frea#y hypes or shoestring promotion campaigns. . . the Boney 0oom of the 67=:$s

56 produced a sassy middle class with time on its hands, and suddenly there was a mushrooming demand for things li#e golf clu"s, motor"oats and s#is. 2n retrospect, the wonder of it is that it too# people li#e BcCormac# so long to gra" a good thing. Cr may"e the pro"lem was a lac# of s#i heroes. 1oes anyone remem"er, for instance, who won *old Bedals at the $=; 4inter ClympicsG 2t was the prominence of Aean Claude ,illy Eas a hot racer in 67== and as a press hero in $=8 and $=>F that suddenly ga!e s#iing an image. Aean Claude emerged from the $=> Clympics as a sort of sau!e Aoe Namath, a (swinging Frenchman( with the style of a %et set ma!eric# and the mind of a .aris "artender. The result was ine!ita"le9 a super priced French import, tailored strictly for the fast growing -.S. leisure mar#et, the same people who suddenly found themsel!es a"le to afford .orsches, Bercedes and Aaguars. . . along with B*$s and Dol#swagens. 0ut not Fords or Che!!ys. (1etroit iron( didn$t ma#e it in that league. . . mainly "ecause there is no room in the "rass ran#s of the -.S. auto industry for the #ind of executi!e who understands why a man who can afford a Cadillac will "uy a .orsche instead. There was simply no status in owning a L6:,::: car with no "ac# seat and a hood only fi!e feet long. So now we ha!e a 1e/orean style "litz for Che!rolet, and it$s doing "eautifully. 0ooming Che!!y sales are mainly responsi"le for *B$s spurt to a plus <: per cent of the whole auto mar#et. The strategy has "een simple enough9 a hea!y focus on speed, sporty styling and the (youth mar#et.( This explains Che!!y$s taste for such image ma#ers as Simpson, *len Camp"ell and ,illy. ESpeculation that 1e/orean was a"out to sign Allen *ins"erg pro!ed to "e false9 *eneral Botors doesn$t need poets.F ,illy has spent his entire adult life in the finely disciplined cocoon that is part of the price one pays for mem"ership of the French s#i team. As a life style, it is e!ery "it as demanding as that of a pro foot"all &uarter"ac#. 2n a sport where the difference "etween fame and total o"scurity is measured in tenths of a second, the discipline of constant, rigid training is all important. Championship s#iers, li#e #arate masters, need muscles that most men ne!er de!elop. The #arate parallel extends, "eyond muscles, to the necessity for an almost superhuman concentration the a"ility to see and remem"er e!ery "ump and twist on a race course, and then to run it without a single mista#e9 no mental lapses, no distractions, no wasted effort. The only way to win is to come down that hill with maximum efficiency, li#e a cannon"all down a one rail trac#. A s#ier who thin#s too much might ma#e points in con!ersation, "ut he seldom wins races. ,illy has "een accused, "y experts, of (lac#ing style.( He s#is, they say, with the graceless desperation of a man a"out to crash, fighting to #eep his "alance. Het it$s o"!ious, e!en to a ran# amateur, that ,illy$s whole secret is his fe!erish concentration. He attac#s a hill li#e Sonny /isten used to attac# Floyd .atterson and with the same #ind of awesome results. He wants to beat the hill, not %ust s#i it. He whips through a slalom course li#e C. A. Simpson through a %ammed secondary the same impossi"le mo!es' sliding, half falling, then suddenly free and pumping crazily for the finish line to "eat that awful cloc#, the only %udge in the world with the power to send him home a loser. Shortly after 2 met him, 2 told ,illy he should see some films of C. A. Simpson running with a foot"all. Aean Claude didn$t #now the game, he said, "ut 2 insisted that wouldn$t matter. (2t$s li#e watching a drun# run through traffic on a freeway,( 2 said. (Hou don$t ha!e to #now the game to appreciate C. A.$s act it$s a spectacle, a thing to see. . .( That was "efore 2 understood the "oundaries of ,ilty$s curiosity. /i#e Cal!in Coolidge, he seems to feel that (the "usiness of America is "usiness.( He comes here to ma#e money, and esthetics "e damned. He wasn$t interested in anything a"out C. A. Simpson except the size of his Che!rolet contract and only !aguely in that. Throughout our numerous, distracted con!ersations, he was puzzled and dimly annoyed with

57 the ram"ling style of my tal#. He seemed to feel that any %ournalist worthy of his profession would su"mit 6: !ery precise &uestions, write down 6: scripted ,illy answers and then lea!e. No dou"t this reflected the thin#ing of his .+ ad!isers, who fa!or such concepts as (input,( (exposure( and (the 0arnum 2mperati!e.( By decision to &uit the ,illy story came suddenly, for no special reason. . . an irrational out"urst of red eyed temper and festering angst with the supplicant$s role 2$d "een playing for two days, dealing with a gang of cheap %ac# footmen whose sense of personal importance seemed to depend entirely on the glitter of their hired French property. Some time later, when 2 had calmed down enough to consider another attempt at crac#ing the .+ "arrier, 2 tal#ed to Aean Claude on the telephone. He was in Sun Dalley, allowing himself to "e photographed for a magazine feature on the (,illy style.( 2 called to explain why 2 hadn$t made the night with him, as planned, from Chicago to Sun Dalley. (Hou$!e made some funny friends in the past year,( 2 said. (1oesn$t it ma#e you ner!ous to tra!el around with a "unch of copsG( He laughed &uietly. (That$s right,( he said. (They are %ust li#e cops, aren$t theyG 2 don$t li#e it, "ut what can 2 doG 2 am ne!er alone. . . This is my life, you #now.( 2 ha!e a tape of that con!ersation, and 2 play it now and then for laughs. 2t is a weird classic of sorts ;< minutes of failed communication, despite heroic efforts on "oth ends. The o!er all effect is that of a career speed frea# %ac#ed up li#e the *reat Humming"ird, trying to tal# his way through a cordon of "emused ushers and into a free, front row seat at a sold out 0o" 1ylan concert. 2 had made the call, half grudgingly, after "eing assured "y Billie 4iggins Solheim, the Style Mueen of Sun Dalley, that she had learned through the Head S#i hierarchy that Aean Claude was eager for a soul tal# with me. 4hat the hellG 2 thought 4hy notG 0ut this time on my terms in the midnight style of the *reat Humming"ird. The tape is full of laughter and dis%ointed ra!ings. ,illy first suggested that 2 meet him again at the Auto Show in Chicago, where he was scheduled for a second wee#end of Che!!y gigs on the same 6 ? < 8 7 schedule. (Ne!er in hell,( 2 replied. (Hou$re paid to hang around with those pigs, "ut 2$m not. They acted li#e they expected me to snea# up and steal the "attery out of that goddamn ugly car you were selling.( He laughed again. (2t$s true that they pay me for "eing there. . . "ut you get paid for writing the article.( (4hat articleG( 2 said. (As far as 2 #now, you don$t exist. Hou$re a life size dummy made of plastic foam. 2 can$t write much of an article a"out how 2 once saw Aean Claude ,illy across a crowded room at the Stoc#yards Amphitheatre.( There was a pause, another &uiet chuc#le, then9 (4ell, may"e you could write a"out how hard it is to write a"out me.( Ch ho, 2 thought. Hou snea#y "ugger there$s something in your head, after all. 2t was the only time 2 e!er felt we were on the same wa!elength and then for only an instant. The con!ersation deteriorated rapidly after that. 4e tal#ed a while longer and 2 finally said, (4ell, to hell with it. Hou don$t need pu"licity and 2 sure as hell don$t need this #ind of fuc#around. . . They should ha!e assigned this story to an am"itious dwarf hoo#er with gold teeth. . .( There was a long pause at the other end of the line. Then9 (4hy don$t you call 0ud Stanner, the manager from Head S#i. He is here in the 2odge tonight. 2 thin# he can arrange something.( 4hy notG 2 thought. 0y the time 2 got hold of Stanner it was 6 A.B. 2 assured him that all 2 needed was a "it of casual con!ersation and some time to watch ,illy in action. (2$m not surprised Aean Claude wouldn$t tal# to you tonight,( he said with a #nowing chuc#le. (2 happen to #now he$s "eing. . . ah. . . entertained at the moment.(

58 (That$s weird,( 2 said, (2 %ust finished a ;< minute tal# with him.( (Ch. . . G( Stanner pondered my words for a moment, then, li#e a s#illed politician, he ignored them. (2t$s the damnedest thing you e!er saw,( he continued cheerfully. (*oddamn "roads won$t gi!e him any peace. 2t$s em"arrassing sometimes, the way they come on him. . .( (Heah,( 2 said. (2$!e heard.( Actually, 2$d heard it so often that 2 recognized it now as part of the program. ,illy has a !ery o"!ious, natural #ind of sex appeal so o"!ious that 2 was getting a little tired of hustlers nudging me to ma#e sure 2 noticed. BcCormac# had set the tone at our first encounter, with his odd warning a"out (discretion.( Boments later, replying to some"ody who$d as#ed him if ,illy had any plans for a film career, BcCormac# had grinned and said, (Ch, we$re not in any hurry' he$s had plenty of offers. And e!ery time he says no, the price goes up.( ,illy himself says nothing. Straight inter!iews "ore him anyway, "ut he usually tries to "e ci!il, e!en smiling, despite the "rain curdling tedium of answering the same &uestions o!er and o!er again. He will cope with almost any #ind of giddy ignorance, "ut his smile snaps off li#e a dead light"ul" when he senses a carnal drift in the con!ersation. 2f the inter!iewer persists, or launches a direct &uestion li#e, (2s there any truth in this rumor a"out you and 4innie +uth AuddG(, ,illy will in!aria"ly change the su"%ect with an angry shrug. His reluctance to tal# a"out women seems genuine, lea!ing disappointed reporters no choice "ut to hun#er down in misty speculation. (,illy has a reputation as a s#iing +omeo,( wrote the author of a recent magazine article. (Typically French, though, he remains discreet a"out his swinging lo!e life, saying little more than, yes, he has a girl friend, a model.( 4hich was true. He had spent a &uiet !acation with her in the 0ahamas the wee# "efore 2 met him in Chicago, and at first 2 got the impression that he was fairly serious a"out her. . . Then, after listening to his pitchmen for a while, 2 wasn$t sure what 2 thought. The (discretion( that would ha!e "een the despair of any old style, low le!el press agent has "ecome, in the hands of BcCormac#$s cool futurists, a mysterious and half sinister co!er story, using ,illy$s aw#ward (no comment( "eha!ior to enhance whate!er rumor he refuses to tal# a"out. Aean Claude understands that his sex life has a certain pu"licity !alue, "ut he hasn$t learned to li#e it. At one point 2 as#ed him how he felt a"out that aspect of his image. (4hat can 2 sayG( he shrugged. (They #eep tal#ing a"out it. 2 am normal. 2 li#e girls. 0ut what 2 do is really my own "usiness, 2 thin#. . .( EShortly after that phone tal# with him in Sun Dalley, 2 learned that he really "as "eing (entertained( when 2 called, and 2$!e ne!er &uite understood why he spent ;< minutes on the phone in those circumstances. 4hat a terri"le scene for a girl. . .F 2 tried to "e fran# with Stanner. )arly on, in our tal#, he said9 (/oo#, 2$ll gi!e you all the help 2 can on this thing, and 2 thin# 2$m in a position to gi!e you the #ind of help you need. Naturally, 2$d expect some play for Head S#is in your photo co!erage and of course that$s my %o". . .( (Fuc# the s#is,( 2 replied. (2 couldn$t gi!e a hoot in hell if he s#is on metal "owls' all 2 want to do is tal# to the man, in a decent human manner, and find out what he thin#s a"out things.( This was not the #ind of thing Stanner wanted to hear, "ut under the circumstances he handled it pretty well. (C.,.( he said, after a "rief pause. (2 thin# we understand each other. Hou$re loo#ing for input that$s #ind of off"eat, rightG( (2nputG( 2 said. He had used the term se!eral times and 2 thought 2$d "etter clarify it. (Hou #now what 2 mean,( he snapped, (and 2$ll try to set it up for you.( 2 started ma#ing plans to go up to Sun Dalley anyway "ut then Stanner disrupted e!erything "y suddenly offering to arrange for me instead of S#i Bagazine$s editor to accompany A. C. on that )ast"ound flight. (Hou$ll ha!e a whole day with him,( Stanner said, (and if you want to come to 0oston next wee# 2$ll sa!e you a seat on the company "us for the ride to 4ater!ille Dalley in New Hampshire. Aean Claude will "e along, and as far as 2$m concerned you can ha!e him all to yourself for the whole trip. 2t ta#es a"out two hours. Hell, may"e you$d rather do that, instead of wor#ing

59 your ass off to ma#e that cross country flight with him. . .( (No,( 2 said. (2$ll do it "oth ways first the flight, then the "us ride' that should gi!e me all the off"eat input 2 need.( He sighed. ,illy was there in Salt /a#e, red eyed and %ittery with a Co#e and a ham sandwich in the airport cafe. A man from -nited Airlines was sitting with him, a waitress stopped to as# for his autograph, people who had no idea who he was paused to nod and stare at (the cele"rity.( The local TD station had sent out a camera crew, which caused a crowd to gather around the gate where our plane was waiting. (How do these people #now when 2$m hereG( he muttered angrily as we hurried down the corridor toward the mo". 2 smiled at him. (Come on,( 2 said, (you #now damn well who called them. 1o we ha!e to #eep playing this gameG( He smiled faintly, then lined it out li#e a !eteran. (Hou go ahead,( he said. (*et our seats on the plane while 2 tal# to these camera people.( 4hich he did, while 2 "oarded the plane and instantly found myself in!ol!ed in a game of musical chairs with the couple who were "eing mo!ed "ac# to the tourist compartment so Aean Claude and 2 could ha!e their First Class seats. (2$!e "loc#ed these two off for you,( the man in the "lue uniform told me. The dowdy little stewardess told the !ictims how sorry she was o!er and o!er again, while the man howled in the aisle. 2 hun#ered down in the seat and stared straight ahead, wishing him well. ,illy arri!ed, ignoring the ruc#us and slumping into his seat with a weary groan. There was no dou"t in his mind that the seat was "eing sa!ed for Aean Claude ,illy. The man in the aisle seemed to recognize that his protest was doomed9 his seats had "een seized "y forces "eyond his control. (Hou sons of "itchesI( he yelled, sha#ing his fist at the crewmen who were pushing him "ac# toward the tourist section. 2 was hoping he would whac# one of them or at least refuse to stay on the plane "ut he ca!ed in, allowing himself to "e hustled off li#e a noisy "eggar. (4hat was that a"outG( ,illy as#ed me. 2 told him. (0ad scene, ehG( he said. Then he pulled a car racing magazine out of his "riefcase and focused on that. 2 thought of going "ac# and ad!ising the man that he could get a full refund on his tic#et if he #ept yelling, "ut the flight was delayed for at least an hour on the runway and 2 was afraid to lea!e my seat for fear it might "e gra""ed "y some late arri!ing cele"rity. 4ithin moments, a new hassle de!eloped. 2 as#ed the stewardess for a drin# and was told that it was against the rules to ser!e "ooze until the plane was air"orne. Thirty minutes later, still sitting on the runway, 2 got the same answer. There is something in the corporate manner of -nited Airlines that reminds me of the California Highway .atrol, the exaggerated politeness of people who would "e a hell of a lot happier if all their customers were in %ail and especially 'ou! sir. Flying -nited, to me, is li#e crossing the Andes in a prison "us. There is no &uestion in my mind that some"ody li#e .at Nixon personally appro!es e!ery -nited stewardess. Nowhere in the 4estern world is there anything to e&ual the collection of self righteous shrews who staff the (friendly s#ies of -nited.( 2 do e!erything possi"le to a!oid that airline, often at considera"le cost and personal incon!enience. 0ut 2 rarely ma#e my own reser!ations and -nited seems to "e a ha"it li#e Hellow Ca"s with secretaries and .+ men. And may"e they$re right. . . By constant re&uests for a drin# to ease the delay were re"u#ed with increasing se!erity "y the same stewardess who had earlier defended my right to preempt a first class seat. ,illy tried to ignore the argument "ut finally a"andoned his magazine to !iew the whole scene with ner!ous alarm. He lifted his dar# glasses to wipe his eyes red !eined "alls in a face that loo#ed much older than @=. Then a man in a "lue "lazer confronted us, sho!ing a little girl ahead of him. (.ro"a"ly you don$t remem"er me, Aean Claude,( he was saying. (4e met a"out two years ago at a coc#tail party in

60 Dail.( ,illy nodded, saying nothing. The man sho!ed an airline tic#et en!elope at him, grinning self consciously9 (Could you autograph this for my little girl, pleaseG She$s all excited a"out "eing on the same plane with you.( ,illy scrawled an illegi"le signature on the paper, then stared "lan#ly at the cheap camera the girl was aiming at him. The man "ac#ed away, unner!ed "y ,illy$s failure to remem"er him. (Sorry to "other you,( he said. (0ut my little girl, you #now. . . since we seem to "e delayed here. . . well, than#s !ery much.( ,illy shrugged as the man "ac#ed off. He hadn$t said a word and 2 felt a little sorry for the re%ect, who appeared to "e a "ro#er of some #ind. The moppet came "ac# with the camera, wanting a second shot (in case the first one doesn$t come out.( She too# one !ery &uic#ly, then as#ed A. C. to remo!e his glasses. (NoI( he snapped. (The light hurts my eyes.( There was a raw, wa!ering note in his !oice, and the child, a shade more percepti!e than her father, too# her picture and left without apologies. Now, less than a year later, ,illy is ma#ing !ery expensi!e and ela"orate commercials for -nited Airlines. He was in Aspen recently (secretly( filming a s#i race for showing, months later, on national TD. He didn$t ring me up. . . ,illy refused "oth the drin# and the meal. He was clearly on edge and 2 was pleased to find that anger made him tal#ati!e. 0y this time 2 had disa"used myself of the notion that we had any "asic rapport' his ha"it smiles were for people who as#ed ha"it &uestions fan magazine "ullshit and pulp philosophy9 How do you li#e AmericaG E2t is truly wonderful. 2 would li#e to see it all in a Camaro.F How did it feel to win three gold medals in the ClympicsG E2t felt truly wonderful. 2 plan to ha!e them mounted on the dash"oard of my Camaro.F Somewhere in the middle of the flight, with our con!ersation lagging "adly, 2 re!erted to a Hollywood style of %ournalism that ,illy instantly pic#ed up on. (Tell me,( 2 said. (4hat$s the "est place you #nowG 2f you were free to go anyplace in the world right now no wor#, no o"ligation, %ust to en%oy yourself where would it "eG( His first answer was (home,( and after that came .aris and a clutch of French resort areas until 2 had to re!ise the &uestion and eliminate France altogether. Finally he settled on Hong ,ong. (4hyG( 2 as#ed. His face relaxed in a "road, mischie!ous grin. (0ecause a friend of mine is head of the police there,( he said, (and when 2 go to Hong ,ong 2 can do anything 2 want.( 2 laughed, seeing it all on film the ad!entures of a filthy rich French cow"oy, turned loose in Hong ,ong with total police protection. 4ith A. C. ,illy as the hellion and may"e +od Steiger as his cop friend. A sure winner. . . /oo#ing "ac#, 2 thin# that Hong ,ong note was the truest thing Aean Claude e!er said to me. Certainly it was the most definiti!e and it was also the only one of my &uestions he o"!iously en%oyed answering. 0y the time we got to Chicago 2$d decided to spare us "oth the agony of prolonging the (inter!iew( all the way to 0altimore. (2 thin# 2$ll get off here,( 2 said as we left the plane. He nodded, too tired to care. Aust then we were confronted "y a hea!y "londe girl with a clip"oard. (Bister ,illyG( she said. A. C. nodded. The girl mum"led her name and said she was there to help him ma#e connections to 0altimore. (How was Sun DalleyG( she as#ed. (4as it good s#iingG( ,illy shoo# his head, still wal#ing !ery fast up the corridor. The girl was half trotting "eside us. (4ell, 2 hope the other activities were satisfactory,( she said with a smile. Her emphasis was so hea!y, so a"ysmally raw, that 2 glanced o!er to see if she was drooling. (4ho are youG( she as#ed suddenly. (Ne!er mind,( 2 said. (2$m lea!ing.(

61 Now, many months later, my clearest memory of that whole ,illy scene is a momentary expression on the face of a man who had nothing to do with it. He was a drummer and lead singer in a local %azz roc# "and 2 heard one night at a New Hampshire s#i resort where ,illy was ma#ing a sales appearance. 2 was #illing time in a dull midnight "istro when this nondescript little "ugger #ic#ed off on his own !ersion of a thing called (.roud Bary( a hea!y "lues shot from Creedence Clearwater. He was getting right into it, and somewhere around the third chorus 2 recognized the weird smile of a man who had found his own rhythm, that rumored echo of a high white sound that most men ne!er hear. 2 sat there in the dar# smo#e of that place and watched him clim". . . far up on some pri!ate mountain to that point where you loo# in the mirror and see a "right "old strea#er, "lowing all the fuses and eating them li#e popcorn on the way up. That image had to remind me of ,illy, strea#ing down the hills at *reno"le for the first, second and third of those incredi"le three gold medals. Aean Claude had been there to that rare high place where only the snow leopards li!e' and now, @= years old with more dollars than he can use or count, there is nothing else to match those pea#s he has already "eaten. Now it is all downhill for the world$s richest s#i "um. He was good enough and luc#y for a while, to li!e in that 4in /ose, 0lac# 4hite, 1o or 1ie world of the international super TD athlete. 2t was a "eautiful show while it lasted, and ,illy did his thing "etter than anyone else has e!er done it "efore. 0ut now, with nothing else to win, he is down on the #illing floor with the rest of us suc#ed into strange and senseless wars on unfamiliar terms' haunted "y a sense of loss that no amount of money can e!er replace' moc#ed "y the cotton candy rules of a mean game that still awes him. . . loc#ed into a gilded life style where winning means #eeping his mouth shut and reciting, on cue, from other men$s scripts. This is Aean Claude ,illy$s new world9 He is a handsome middle class French "oy who trained hard and learned to s#i so well that now his name is immensely salea"le on the mar#etplace of a crazily inflated culture economy that eats its heroes li#e hotdogs and honors them on a"out the same le!el. His TD hero image pro"a"ly surprises him more than it does the rest of us. 4e ta#e whate!er heroes come our way, and we$re not inclined to haggle. ,illy seems to understand this, too. He is ta#ing ad!antage of a money scene that ne!er existed "efore and might ne!er wor# again at least not in his lifetime or ours, and may"e not e!en next year. Cn "alance, it seems unfair to dismiss him as a witless greedhead, despite all the e!idence. Somewhere "ehind that wistful programmed smile 2 suspect there is something a#in to what Norman Bailer once called Espea#ing of Aames AonesF (an animal sense of who has the power.( There is also a "rooding contempt for the American system that has made him what he is. ,illy doesn$t understand this country' he doesn$t e!en li#e it "ut there is no &uestion in his mind a"out his own proper role in a scene that is ma#ing him rich. He is his manager$s creature, and if Bar# BcCormac# wants him to star in a gee# film or endorse some #ind of s#in grease he$s ne!er heard of. . . well, that$s the way it is. Aean Claude is a good soldier' he ta#es orders well and he learns &uic#ly. He would rise through the ran#s in any army. ,illy reacts' thin#ing is not his gig. So it is hard to honor him for whate!er straight instincts he still culti!ates in pri!ate while he moc#s them in pu"lic, for huge amounts of money. The echo of *ats"y$s style recalls the truth that Aimmy *atz was really %ust a rich croo# and a "ooze salesman. 0ut ,illy is not *ats"y. He is a "right young Frenchman with a completely original act. . . and a pragmatic frame of reference that is "etter grounded, 2 suspect, than my own. He is doing pretty well for himself, and nothing in his narrow, high powered experience can allow him to understand how 2 can watch his act and say that it loo#s, to me, li#e a !ery hard dollar may"e the hardest. A Final Note from the Author C4/ FA+B .lease insert this &uote at "eginning or end of ,illy piece. Thompson.

62 (No eunuch flatters his own noise more shamefully nor see#s "y more infamous means to stimulate his %aded appetite, in order to gain some fa!or, than does the eunuch of industry.( The &uote, as 2 ha!e it, is attri"uted to one 0illy /ee 0urroughs. . . "ut if memory ser!es, 2 thin# it comes from the writings of ,. Barx. 2n any case, 2 can trace it down if need "e. . . Scanlan*s Monthl'! !ol 6, no. 6, Barch 678:

The lt+3ate #ree Lan,er

Hou as#ed me for an article on whate!er 2 wanted to write a"out and since you don$t pay 2 figure that gi!es me carte "lanche. 2 started out tonight on an incoherent "itch a"out the record "usiness. . . 2 was loo#ing at the %ac#et copy on the (0lues .ro%ect( al"um. . . "ut the (producer$s( name was in huge script on the "ac#, and underneath it were four or fi!e other names. . . pun#s and nar#s and other ten percenters who apparently had more le!erage than the musicians who made the al"um, and so managed to get their names on the record %ac#et. 2 was "rooding a"out this which 2$ll write a"out sometime later when 2 pic#ed up the latest Free .ress and read an o"ituary for a three year old #id named (*odot(. . . which was nice, "ut as 2 read it 2 was reminded again of /ionel Clay and how the Free .ress commemorated his death with a small "loc# of unsold ad!ertising space that had to "e used anyway, so why not for /ionelG 2$m also reminded that 2$!e as#ed you twice for a copy of his article on /enny 0ruce Ein which /ionel wrote his own o"ituaryF, and that you$!e disregarded "oth &ueries. Bay"e there$s no connection "etween this and the fact that the 0lues .ro%ect people were fuc#ed out of any mention except photos on their own al"um, "ut 2 thin# there is. 2 see it as two more good examples of the cheap, mean, grinning hippie capitalism that per!ades the whole New Scene. . . a scene which pro!ides the -nderground .ress Syndicate with most of its copy and income. Fran# Pappa$s comments on roc# %oints and light shows EF. 6@?:F was a welcome piece of heresy in an atmosphere that is already rigid with pre pu"lic senility. The concept of the -.S is too right to argue with, "ut the reality is something else. As Fran# Pappa indicated, if only in a rounda"out way, there are a lot of people trying to stay ali!e and wor#ing 42TH2N the -.S spectrum, and not on the ten percent fringes. That$s where Time magazine li!es. . . way out there on the puzzled, mastur"ating edge, peering through the #eyhole and selling what they see to the wide world of Cham"er of Commerce !oyeurs who support the pu"lic prints. 4hich "rings us "ac# to /ionel, who li!ed and died as wal#ing proof that all heads exist alone and at their own ris#. Bay"e 2$m wrong' may"e his funeral procession on the Sunset Strip was enough to "ring e!en cops to their #nees. . . "ut since 2 didn$t hear anything a"out that action, 2 ha!e to dou"t it. 2 suspect /ionel died pretty much as he li!ed9 as a free lance writer hustler, grass runner and general free spirit. 2$m sure a lot of people #new him "etter than 2 did, "ut 2 thin# 2 #new him pretty well. 2 first met him in 0ig Sur in 67=:, when we were "oth "ro#e and gru""ing for rent money. After that we did a lot of writing "ac# and forth, "ut we$d only meet Eusually at the Hot Springs in 0ig SurF after long months of different action in !ery different worlds Ehe was "ro#e somewhere in New )ngland when 2 was in .eru, and later in +io 2 got a letter from him with a Chicago postmar#F. . . when 2 got "ac# to New Hor# he wrote from /.A., saying he$d decided to settle there "ecause it was the (only home we had.( 2$!e ne!er "een sure if he included me in that definition, "ut 2 #now he was tal#ing a"out a lot of people "eyond himself and his wife, 0e!erly. /ionel saw the 4est Coast of the 67=:$s as Balcolm Cowley saw New Hor# after 4orld 4ar Cne as (the homeland of the uprooted.( He saw his own or"it as something that included Topanga, 0ig Sur, Ti%uana, the Strip and occasional runs

63 up north to the 0ay Area. He wrote for /avalier! and the Free .ress and anyone who would send him a chec#. 4hen the chec#s didn$t come he ran grass to New Hor# and paid his rent with /S1. And when he had something that needed a long run of writing time he would ta#e off in his .orsche or his .lymouth or any one of a dozen other cars that came his way, and cadge a room from Bi#e Burphy at Hot Springs, or in "rother 1ennis$ house across the canyon. /ionel and 1ennis were old friends, "ut /ionel #new too much and insisted on saying it to use that friendly le!erage as a wedge to the screen writing "usiness, where 1ennis Burphy was ma#ing it "ig. /ionel had already pu"lished two no!els and he was a far "etter plot ma#er than most of the Hollywood hac#s, "ut e!ery time he got a shot at the "ig cop out money he "lew it with a !engeance. Now and then one of the New Hor# editors would gi!e him enough leeway to write what he wanted, and a few of his articles are gems. He did one for /avalier on the soul of San Francisco that is pro"a"ly the "est thing e!er written on that lo!ely, gutless town. /ater he wrote a profile on /enny 0ruce Efor the Free .ressF that if 2 ran a newspaper 2$d print e!ery year in "oldface type, as an epitaph for free lancers e!erywhere. /ionel was the ultimate free lancer. 2n the nearly ten years 2 #new him, the only steady wor# he did was as a columnist for the Bonterey Herald. . . and e!en then he wrote on his own terms on his own su"%ects, and was ine!ita"ly fired. /ess than a year "efore he died his willful ignorance of literary politics led him to "low a !ery rich assignment from 2ife magazine, which as#ed him for a profile on Barty +ansahoff, a "ig name Hollywood producer then fresh from a gold plated "om" called (The Sandpiper.( /ionel went to /ondon with +ansahoff E(the first ca"in all the way,( as he wrote me from the S.S. -nited StatesF and after two months in the great man$s company he went "ac# to Topanga and wrote a piece that resem"led nothing so much as Benc#en$s "rutal o"ituary on 4illiam Aennings 0ryan. +ansahoff was descri"ed as a (pompous toad( which was not exactly what 2ife was loo#ing for. The article naturally "om"ed, and /ionel was "ac# on the "ric#s where he$d spent the last half of his forty odd years. 2$m not sure how old he was when he died, "ut it wasn$t much o!er forty. . . according to 0e!erly he suffered a mild stro#e that sent him to the hospital, and then a serious stro#e that finished him. 4ord of his death was a shoc# to me, "ut not particularly surprising since 2$d called him a wee# or so "efore and heard from 0e!erly that he was right on the edge. Bore than anything else, it came as a harsh confirmation of the ethic that /ionel had always li!ed "ut ne!er tal#ed a"out. . . the dead end loneliness of a man who ma#es his own rules. /i#e his 0as&ue anarchist father in Chicago, he died without ma#ing much of a dent. 2 don$t e!en #now where he$s "uried, "ut what the hellG The important thing is where he li!ed. Now, whatG 4hile the new wa!e flowered, /enny 0ruce was hounded to death "y the cops. For (o"scenity.( Thirty thousand people Eaccording to .aul ,rassnerF are ser!ing time in the %ails of this !ast democracy on mari%uana charges, and the world we ha!e to li!e in is controlled "y a stupid thug from Texas. A !icious liar, with the ugliest family in Christendom. . . mean C#ies feeling honored "y the cheap indulgence of a *eorge Hamilton, a stin#ing animal ridiculed e!en in Hollywood. And California, (the most progressi!e state,( elects a go!ernor straight out of a *eorge *rosz painting, a political frea# in e!ery sense of the word except California politics. . . +onnie +eagan, the 4hite Hope of the 4est. Aesus, no wonder /ionel had a stro#e. 4hat a nightmare it must ha!e "een for him to see the honest re"ellion that came out of 4orld 4ar Two ta#en o!er "y a witless phony li#e 4arhol. . . the )xploding .lastic 2ne!ita"le. /ights, Noise, /o!e the 0om"I And then to see a "edroc# madman li#e *ins"erg copping out with tolerance poems and the same sort of swill that normally comes from the Datican. ,erouac hiding out with his (mere( on /ong 2sland or may"e St. .eters"urg. . . ,ennedy with his head "lown off and Nixon "ac# from the dead, running wild in the power !acuum of

64 /yndon$s hopeless "ullshit. . . and of course +eagan, the new dean of 0er#eley. .rogress Barches Cn, courtesy, as always of *eneral )lectric. . . with sporadic assists from Ford, *B, ATT, /oc#heed and Hoo!er$s F02. And there$s the chill of it. /ionel was one of the original anarchist head "eatni# free lancers of the 67<:$s. . . a "ruised fore runner of /eary$s would "e (drop out generation( of the 67=:$s. The Head *eneration. . . a loud, canni"alistic gig where the "est are fuc#ed for the worst reasons, and the worst ma#e a pile "y feeding off the "est. .romoters, hustlers, nar#s, con men all selling the New Scene to Time magazine and the )l#s Clu". The handlers get rich while the animals either get "usted or screwed to the floor with "ad contracts. 4ho$s ma#ing money off the 0lues .ro%ectG 2s it Der!e Ea di!ision of B*BF, or the fi!e ignorant "astards who thought they were getting a "rea# when Der!e said they$d ma#e them a recordG And who the fuc# is $Tom 4ilson,( the (producer( whose name rides so high on the record %ac#etG 0y any other name he$s a !icious ten percenter who sold (Army Surplus commodities( in the late 67;:$s, (Special *uaranteed -sed Cars( in the 67<:$s, and @7 cent thum" prints of Aohn ,ennedy in the 67=:$s. . . until he figured out that the really "ig money was in drop out re!olution. +ide the "ig wa!e9 Fol# roc#, pot sym"ols, long hair, and L@.<: minimum at the door. /ight showsI Tim /earyI 4arholI NC4I The ,istant ,rummer! !ol. 2, no. 2, No!em"er 67=8

Colle,t Tele*ra3 5ro3 a %a- $o*

Not "eing a poet, and drun# as well, leaning into the diner and dawn and hearing a %u#e "ox moc#ery of some "etter human sound 2 wanted rhetoric "ut could only howl the rotten truth Norman /u"off should ha!e his nuts ripped off with a plastic for#. Then howled around li#e a man with the final angst, not #nowing what 2 wanted there .ro"a"ly the waitress, "end her dou"le li#e a safety pin, 1eposit the mad seed "efore they tie off my tu"es or run me down with 1ingo dogs for not !oting at all. Suddenly a man with wild eyes rushed out from the wooden toilet Foam on his face and wa!ing a razor li#e a flag, shouting 2t$s Star#weather god damn 2 ,now that !oice 4e$ll ta#e our !engeance nowI

65 BcConn, enroute from /.A. to some rumored home, #illing the hours till the "ars opened stranded on .oint +ichmond when they closed the night "efore, thin#ing finally he had come among friends or at least one. 4e rang for /u"off on the pay phone, "ut there was no contact Some tortured "east of a "ad loser has already croa#ed him, said BcConn 4e$ll ha!e a drin#. 0ut the Bariners$ Ta!ern was not open for twenty minutes, so we read a newspaper and saw where %ust a"out e!ery"ody had "een fuc#ed in the face or some other orifice or opening, or possi"ility for one good reason or another "y the time the Chronicle went to press "efore last midnight. 4e rang for the editor "ut the switch"oard clamped him off. *et a lawyer, 2 said. These swine ha!e gone far enough. 0ut the lawyers were all in "ed Finally we found one, limp from an orgy and too much sleep )ating cheese "lintzes with sour cream and gin on a redwood "alcony with a fine exposure. *et your ass up, 2 said. 2t$s Sunday and the fol#s are in church. Now is the time to lay a writ on them, Cease and 1esist Specifically /u"off and the "ig mongers, the slumfeeders, the per!erts and the pious. The legal man agreed 4e had a case and indeed a duty to +ight these 4rongs, as it were The .rice would "e four thousand in front and ten for the nut. 2 wrote him a chec# on the Sawtooth

66 National 0an#, "ut he hooted at it 4hile ru""ing a special oil on his palms To #eep the chancres from itching "eyond endurance Cn this Sa""ath. BcConn "ro#e his face with a running Cam"odian chop, then we dran# his gin, ate his "lintzes 0ut failed to find anyone to rape and went "ac# to the Bariners$ Ta!ern to drin# in the sun. /ater, from %ail 2 sent a "race of telegrams to the right people, explaining my position. S&ider Maga?ine !ol. 2, no. 8, Ccto"er 6?, 67=<

;Gen+us .Roun- the Worl- Stan-s Han- +n Han-, an!ne Sho,k o5 Re,o*n+t+on Runs the Whole C+r,le .Roun-; (( ART Ll"/LETTER
2 li!e in a &uiet place where any sound at night means something is a"out to happen9 Hou come awa#e fast thin#ing, what does that meanG -sually nothing. 0ut sometimes. . . it$s hard to ad%ust to a city gig where the night is full of sounds, all of them comforta"ly routine. Cars, horns, footsteps. . . no way to relax' so drown it all out with the fine white drone of a cross eyed TD set. Aam the "ugger "etween channels and doze off nicely. . . 2gnore that nightmare in the "athroom. Aust another ugly refugee from the /o!e *eneration, some doom struc# gimp who couldn$t handle the pressure. By attorney has ne!er "een a"le to accept the notion often espoused "y reformed drug a"users and especially popular among those on pro"ation that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them. And neither ha!e 2, for that matter. 0ut 2 once li!ed down the hill from 1r. on +oad,S a former acid guru who later claimed to ha!e made that long %ump from chemical frenzy to preternatural consciousness. Cne fine afternoon in the first rising curl of what would soon "ecome the *reat San Francisco Acid 4a!e 2 stopped "y the *ood 1octor$s house with the idea of as#ing him Esince he was e!en then a #nown drug authorityF what sort of ad!ice he might ha!e for a neigh"or with a healthy curiosity a"out /S1.
S Names deleted at insistence of pu"lisher$s lawyer.

2 par#ed on the road and lum"ered up his gra!el dri!eway, pausing enroute to wa!e pleasantly at his wife, who was wor#ing in the garden under the "rim of a huge seeding hat. . . a good scene, 2 thought9 The old man is inside "rewing up one of his fantastic drug stews, and here we

67 see his woman out in the garden, pruning carrots, or whate!er. . . humming while she wor#s, some tune 2 failed to recognize. Humming. Hes. . . "ut it would "e nearly ten years "efore 2 would recognize that sound for what it was9 /i#e *ins"erg far gone in the Cm was trying to humm me off. That was no old lady out there in that garden' it was the good doctor himself and his humming was a frantic attempt to "loc# me out of his higher consciousness. 2 made se!eral attempts to ma#e myself clear9 Aust a neigh"or come to call and as# the doctor$s ad!ice a"out go""ling some /S1 in my shac# %ust down the hill from his house. 2 did, after all, ha!e weapons. And 2 li#ed to shoot them especially at night, when the great "lue flame would leap out, along with all that noise. . . and, yes, the "ullets, too. 4e couldn$t ignore that. 0ig "alls of leadJalloy flying around the !alley at speeds up to ?8:: feet per second. . . 0ut 2 always fired into the nearest hill or, failing that, into "lac#ness. 2 meant no harm' 2 %ust li#ed the explosions. And 2 was careful ne!er to #ill more than 2 could eat. (,illG( 2 realized 2 could ne!er properly explain that word to this creature toiling here in its garden. Had it e!er eaten meatG Could it con%ugate the !er" (huntG( 1id it understand hungerG Cr grasp the awful fact that my income a!eraged around L?@ a wee# that yearG No. . . no hope of communication in this place. 2 recognized that "ut not soon enough to #eep the drug doctor from humming me all the way down his dri!eway and into my car and down the mountain road. Forget /S1, 2 thought. /oo# what it$s done to that poor "astard. So 2 stuc# with hash and rum for another six months or so, until 2 mo!ed into San Francisco and found myself one night in a place called (The Fillmore Auditorium.( And that was that. Cne grey lump of sugar and 0CCB. 2n my mind 2 was right "ac# there in the doctor$s garden. Not on the surface, "ut underneath po#ing up through that finely culti!ated earth li#e some #ind of mutant mushroom. A !ictim of the 1rug )xplosion. A natural street frea#, %ust eating whate!er came "y. 2 recall one night in the Batrix, when a road person came in with a "ig pac# on his "ac#, shouting9 (Any"ody want some /. . . S. . . 1. . . G 2 got all the ma#in$s right here. All 2 need is a place to coo#.( The manager was on him at once, mum"ling, (Cool it, cool it, come on "ac# to the office.( 2 ne!er saw him after that night, "ut "efore he was ta#en away, the road person distri"uted his samples. Huge white spansules. 2 went into the men$s room to eat mine. 0ut only half at first, 2 thought. *ood thin#ing, "ut a hard thing to accomplish under the circumstances. 2 ate the first half, "ut spilled the rest on the slee!e of my red .endleton shirt. . . And then, wondering what to do with it, 2 saw one of the musicians come in. (4hat$s the trou"le,( he said. (4ell,( 2 said. (All this white stuff on my slee!e is /S1.( He said nothing. Berely gra""ed my arm and "egan suc#ing on it. A !ery gross ta"leau. 2 wondered what would happen if some ,ingston TrioJyoung stoc#"ro#er type might wander in and catch us in the act. Fuc# him, 2 thought. 4ith a "it of luc#, it$ll ruin his life fore!er thin#ing that %ust "ehind some narrow door in all his fa!orite "ars, men in red .endleton shirts are getting incredi"le #ic#s from things he$ll ne!er #now. 4ould he dare to suc# a slee!eG .ro"a"ly not. .lay it safe. .retend you ne!er saw it. . . Strange memories on this ner!ous night in /as Degas. Fi!e years laterG SixG 2t seems li#e a lifetime, or at least a Bain )ra the #ind of pea# that ne!er comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a !ery special time and place to "e a part of. Bay"e it meant something. Bay"e not, in the long run. . . "ut no explanations, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of #nowing that you were there and ali!e in that corner of time and the world. 4hate!er it meant. . . History is hard to #now, "ecause of all the hired "ullshit, "ut e!en without "eing sure of (history( it seems entirely reasona"le to thin# that e!ery now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that no"ody really understands at the time and which ne!er explain, in retrospect, what actually happened. By central memory of that time seems to hang on one or fi!e or may"e forty nights or !ery

68 early mornings when 2 left the Fillmore half crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the "ig =<: /ightning across the 0ay 0ridge at a hundred miles an hour wearing /. /. 0ean shorts and a 0utte sheepherder$s %ac#et. . . "ooming through the Treasure 2sland tunnel at the lights of Ca#land and 0er#eley and +ichmond, not &uite sure which turn off to ta#e when 2 got to the other end Ealways stalling at the tollgate, too twisted to find neutral while 2 fum"led for changeF. . . "ut "eing a"solutely certain that no matter which way 2 went 2 would come to a place where people were %ust as high and wild as 2 was9 No dou"t at all a"out that. . . There was madness in any direction, at any hour. 2f not across the 0ay, then up the *olden *ate or down 6:6 to /os Altos or /a Honda. . . Hou could stri#e spar#s anywhere. There was a fantastic uni!ersal sense that whate!er we were doing was right! that we were winning. . . And that, 2 thin#, was the handle that sense of ine!ita"le !ictory o!er the forces of Cld and )!il. Not in any mean or military sense' we didn$t need that. Cur energy would simply &revail. There was no point in fighting on our side or theirs. 4e had all the momentum' we were riding the crest of a high and "eautiful wa!e. . . So now, less than fi!e years later, you can go up on a steep hill in /as Degas and loo# 4est, and with the right #ind of eyes you can almost see the high water mar# that place where the wa!e finally "ro#e and rolled "ac#. Fear and 2oathing in 2as 5egas! New Hor#, +andom House, 678@

9a,ket Cop0 5or #ear & Loath+n* +n Las Ve*as< A Sa2a*e 9ourne0 to the Heart o5 the A3er+,an $rea3
The "oo# "egan as a @<: word caption for S&orts 3llustrated. 2 was down in /A, wor#ing on a !ery tense and depressing in!estigation of the allegedly accidental #illing of a %ournalist named +u"en Salazar "y the /os Angeles County Sheriff$s 1ept and after a wee# or so on the story 2 was a "all of ner!es 3 sleepless paranoia Efiguring that 3 might "e nextF. . . and 2 needed some excuse to get a"a' from the angry !ortex of that story 3 try to ma#e sense of it without people sha#ing "utcher #ni!es in my face all the time. By main contact on that story was the infamous Chicano lawyer Cscar Acosta an old friend, who was under "ad pressure at the time, from his super militant constituents, for e!en talking to a gringoJga"acho %ournalist. The pressure was so hea!y, in fact, that 2 found it impossi"le to tal# to Cscar alone. 4e were always in the midst of a crowd of hea!y street fighters who didn$t mind letting me #now that they wouldn$t need much of an excuse to chop me into ham"urger. This is no way to wor# on a !ery !olatile 3 !ery complex story. So one afternoon 2 got Cscar in my rented car and dro!e him o!er to the 0e!erly Hills Hotel away from his "odyguards, etc. and told him 2 was getting a "it wiggy from the pressure' it was li#e "eing on stage all the time, or may"e in the midst of a prison riot. He agreed, "ut the nature of his position as (leader of the militants( made it impossi"le for him to "e openly friendly with a ga"acho. 2 understood this. . . and %ust a"out then, 2 remem"ered that another old friend, now wor#ing for S&orts 3llustrated! had as#ed me if 2 felt li#e going out to Degas for the wee#end, at their expense, and writing a few words a"out a motorcycle race. This seemed li#e a good excuse to get out of /A for a few days, and if 2 too# Cscar along it would also gi!e us time to tal# and sort out the e!il realities of the Salazar Burder story. So 2 called S&orts 3llustrated from the patio of the .olo /ounge and said 2 was ready to do the (Degas thing.( They agreed. . . and from here on in there is no point in running down details, "ecause they$re all in the "oo#.

69 Bore or less. . . and this &ualifier is the essence of what, for no particular reason, 2$!e decided to call *onzo Aournalism. 2t is a style of (reporting( "ased on 4illiam Faul#ner$s idea that the "est fiction is far more true than any #ind of %ournalism and the "est %ournalists ha!e always #nown this. 4hich is not to say that Fiction is necessarily (more true( than Aournalism or !ice !ersa "ut that "oth (fiction( and (%ournalism( are artificial categories' and that "oth forms, at their "est, are only two different means to the same end. This is getting pretty hea!y. . . so 2 should cut "ac# and explain, at this point, that Fear @ 2oathing in 2as 5egas is a failed e &eriment in *onzo Aournalism. By idea was to "uy a fat note"oo# and record the whole thing, as it ha&&ened! then send in the note"oo# for pu"lication without editing. That way, 2 felt, the eye 3 mind of the %ournalist would "e functioning as a camera. The writing would "e selecti!e 3 necessarily interpreti!e "ut once the image was written, the words would "e final' in the same way that a Cartier 0resson photograph is always Ehe saysF the full frame negati!e. No alterations in the dar#room, no cutting or cropping, no spotting. . . no editing. 0ut this is a hard thing to do, and in the end 2 found myself imposing an essentially fictional framewor# on what "egan as a piece of straightJcrazy %ournalism. True *onzo reporting needs the talents of a master %ournalist, the eye of an artistJphotographer and the hea!y "alls of an actor. 0ecause the writer must "e a participant in the scene, while he$s writing it or at least taping it, or e!en s#etching it. Cr all three. .ro"a"ly the closest analogy to the ideal would "e a film directorJproducer who writes his own scripts, does his own camera wor# and somehow manages to film himself in action, as the protagonist or at least a main character. The American print media are not ready for this #ind of thing, yet. Rolling Stone was pro"a"ly the only magazine in America where 2 could get the Degas "oo# pu"lished. 2 sent S&orts 3llustrated @<:: words instead of the @<: they as#ed for and my manuscript was aggressi!ely re%ected. They refused to e!en pay my minimum expenses. . . 0ut to hell with all that. 2 seem to "e drifting away from the point that Fear @ 2oathing is not what 2 thought it would "e. 2 "egan writing it during a wee# of hard typewriter nights in a room at the +amada 2nn in a place called Arcadia, California up the road from .asadena 3 right across the street from the Santa Anita racetrac#. 2 was there during the first wee# of the Spring +acing and the rooms all around me were %ammed with people 2 couldn$t &uite "elie!e. Hea!y trac# "uffs, horse trainers, ranch owners, %oc#eys 3 their women. . . 2 was lost in that swarm, sleeping most of each day and writing all night on the Salazar article. 0ut each night, around dawn, 2 would #noc# off the Salazar wor# and spend an hour or so, cooling out, "y letting my head unwind and my fingers run wild on the "ig "lac# Selectric. . . %otting down notes a"out the weird trip to Degas. 2t had wor#ed out nicely, in terms of the Salazar piece plenty of hard straight tal# a"out who was lying and who wasn$t, and Cscar had finally relaxed enough to tal# to me straight. Flashing across the desert at 66: in a "ig red con!erti"le with the top down, there is not much danger of "eing "ugged or o!erheard. 0ut we stayed in Degas a "it longer than we$d planned to. Cr at least 3 did. Cscar had to get "ac# for a nine o$cloc# court appearance on Bonday. So he too# a plane and 2 was left alone out there %ust me and a massi!e hotel "ill that 2 #new 2 couldn$t pay, and the treacherous reality of that scene caused me to spend a"out ?= straight hours in my room at the Bint Hotel. . . writing fe!erishly in a note"oo# a"out a nasty situation that 2 thought 2 might not get away from. These notes were the genesis of Fear @ 2oathing. After my escape from Ne!ada and all through the tense wor# wee# that followed Espending all my afternoons on the grim streets of )ast /A and my nights at the typewriter in that +amada 2nn hideoutF. . . my only loose 3 human moments would come around dawn when 2 could relax and fuc# around with this slow "uilding, stone crazy Degas story. 0y the time 2 got "ac# to the +olling Stone H&. in San Francisco, the Salazar story was

70 winding out at around 67,::: words, and the strange Degas (fantasy( was running on its own spaced energy and pushing <::: words with no end in sight and no real reason to continue wor#ing on it, except the pure pleasure of unwinding on paper. 2t was sort of an exercise li#e Aolero and it might ha!e stayed that way if Aarin 4enner, the editor of Rolling Stone! hadn$t li#ed the first @: or so %angled pages enough to ta#e it seriously on its own terms and tentati!ely schedule it for pu"lication which ga!e me the push 2 needed to #eep wor#ing on it. So now, six months later, the ugly "astard is finished. And 2 li#e it despite the fact that 2 failed at what 2 was trying to do. As true *onzo Aournalism, this doesn$t wor# at all and e!en if it did, 2 couldn$t possi"ly admit it. Cnly a goddamn lunatic would write a thing li#e this and then claim it was true. The wee# the first section of Fear @ 2oathing appeared in Rolling Stone 2 found myself applying for 4hite House press credentials a plastic pass that would gi!e me the run of the 4hite House, along with at least theoretical access to the "ig o!al room where Nixon hangs out, pacing "ac# 3 forth on those fine thic# taxpayers$ carpets and pondering Sunday$s pointspread. ENixon is a serious pro foot"all frea#. He and 2 are old "uddies on this front9 4e once spent a long night together on the Thruway from 0oston to Banchester, disecting the pro 3 con strategy of the Ca#land *reen 0ay Super 0owl game. 2t was the only time 2$!e e!er seen the "ugger relaxed laughing, whac#ing me on the #nee as he recalled Bax Bc*ee$s one handed catch for the "ac# "rea#ing touchdown. 2 was im&ressed. 2t was li#e tal#ing to Cwsley a"out Acid.F The trou"le with Nixon is that he$s a serious &olitics 4unkie. He$s totally hoo#ed. . . and li#e any other %un#ie, he$s a "ummer to ha!e around9 )specially as .resident. And so much for all that. . . 2 ha!e all of 678@ to fuc# around with Nixon, so why hassle it hereG Anyway, the main point 2 want to ma#e a"out Fear @ 2oathing is that although it$s not what 2 meant it to "e, it$s still so com&le in its failure that 2 feel 2 can ta#e the ris# of defending it as a first, gimped effort in a direction that what Tom 4olfe calls (The New Aournalism( has "een flirting with for almost a decade. 4olfe$s pro"lem is that he$s too crusty to &artici&ate in his stories. The people he feels comforta"le with are dull as stale dogshit, and the people who seem to fascinate him as a writer are so weird that they ma#e him ner!ous. The only thing new and unusual a"out 4olfe$s %ournalism is that he$s an a"normally good reporter' he has a fine sense of echo and at least a peripheral understanding of what Aohn ,eats was tal#ing a"out when he said that thing a"out Truth 3 0eauty. The only reason 4olfe seems (new( is "ecause 4illiam +andolph Hearst "ent the spine of American %ournalism !ery "adly when it was %ust getting started. All Tom 4olfe did after he couldn$t ma#e it on the %ashington -ost and couldn$t e!en get hired "y the National 1bserver was to figure out that there was really not much percentage in playing the old /olliers* game, and that if he was e!er going to ma#e it in (%ournalism,( his only hope was to ma#e it on his own terms9 0y "eing good in the classical rather than the contemporary sense, and "y "eing the #ind of %ournalist that the American print media honor mainly in the "reach. Cr, failing that, at the funeral. /i#e Stephen Crane, who couldn$t e!en get a copy"oy$s %o" on today$s Ne" )ork Times. The only difference "etween wor#ing for the Times and Time magazine is the difference "etween "eing a third string All American full"ac# at Hale instead of Chio State. And again, yes, we seem to "e ram"ling so perhaps 2 should close this off. The only other important thing to "e said a"out Fear @ 2oathing at this time is that it was fun to write, and that$s rare for me, at least, "ecause 2$!e always considered writing the most hateful #ind of wor#. 2 suspect it$s a "it li#e fuc#ing, which is only fun for amateurs. Cld whores don$t do much giggling. Nothing is fun when you have to do it o!er 3 o!er, again 3 again or else you$ll "e e!icted, and that gets old. So it$s a rare goddamn trip for a loc#ed in, rent paying writer to get into a gig that, e!en in retrospect, was a #inghell, highlife fuc#around from start to finish. . . and then to

71 actually get &aid for writing this #ind of maniac gi""erish seems genuinely weird' li#e getting paid for #ic#ing Agnew in the "alls. So may"e there$s hope. Cr may"e 2$m going mad. These are not easy things to "e sure of, either way. . . and in the meantime we ha!e this failed experiment in *onzo Aournalism, the certain truth of which will ne!er "e esta"lished. That much is definite. Fear @ 2oathing in 2as 5egas will ha!e to "e chal#ed off as a frenzied experiment, a fine idea that went crazy a"out halfway through. . . a !ictim of its own conceptual schizophrenia, caught 3 finally crippled in that !ain, academic lim"o "etween (%ournalism( 3 (fiction.( And then hoist on its own petard of multiple felonies and enough flat put crime to put any"ody who$d admit to this #ind of stin#ing "eha!ior in the Ne!ada State .rison until 67>;. So now, in closing, 2 want to than# e!ery"ody who helped me put this happy wor# of fiction together. Names are not necessary here' they #now who they are and in this foul era of Nixon, that #nowledge and pri!ate laughter is pro"a"ly the "est we can hope for. The line "etween martyrdom and stupidity depends on a certain #ind of tension in the "ody politic "ut that line disappeared, in America, at the trial of the (Chicago 8J>,( and there is no point in #idding oursel!es, now, a"out 4ho Has the .ower. 2n a nation ruled "y swine, all pigs are upward mo"ile and the rest of us are fuc#ed until we can put our acts together9 Not necessarily to 4in, "ut mainly to #eep from /osing Completely. 4e owe that to oursel!es and our crippled self image as something "etter than a nation of panic#ed sheep. . . "ut we owe it especially to, our children, who will ha!e to li!e with our loss and all its long term conse&uences. 2 don$t want my son as#ing me, in 67>;, why his friends are calling me a (*ood *erman.( 4hich gets down to a final point a"out Fear @ 2oathing in 2as 5egas. 2 ha!e called it, only half sarcastically, (a !ile epitaph for the 1rug Culture of the Sixties,( and 2 thin# it is. This whole twisted saga is a sort of Ata!istic )ndea!or, a dream trip into the past howe!er recent that was only half successful. 2 thin# we "oth understood, all along, that we were running a hell of a ris# "y laying a sixties trip on /as Degas in 6786. . . and that neither one of us would e!er pass this way again. So we pushed it as far as we could, and we sur!i!ed which means something, 2 guess, "ut not much "eyond a good story and now, ha!ing done it, written it, and humping a reluctant salute to that decade that started so high and then went so "rutally sour, 2 don$t see much choice "ut to lash down the screws and get on with what has to "e done. )ither that or do nothing at all fall "ac# on the *ood *erman, .anic#ed Sheep syndrome, and 2 don$t thin# 3*m ready for that. At least not right now. 0ecause it was nice to "e loose and crazy with a good credit card in a time when it was &ossible to run totally wild in /as Degas and then get paid for writing a "oo# a"out it. . . and it occurs to me that 2 pro"a"ly %ust made it, %ust under the wire and the deadline. No"ody will dare admit this #ind of "eha!ior in print if Nixon wins again in $8@. The Swine are gearing down for a serious wor#out this time around. Four more years of Nixon means four more years of Aohn Bitchell and four more years of Bitchell means another decade or more of "ureaucratic fascism that will "e so entrenched, "y 678=, that no"ody will feel up to fighting it. 4e will feel too old "y then, too "eaten, and "y then e!en the Byth of the +oad will "e dead if only for lac# of exercise. There will not "e any wild eyed, dope suc#ing anarchists dri!ing around the country in fireapple red con!erti"les if Nixon wins again in $8@. There will not e!en "e any con!erti"les, much less any dope. And all the anarchists will "e loc#ed up in reha"ilitation pens. The internaional hotel chain lo""y will ram a "ill thru congress, setting mandatory death penalties for anyone %umping a hotel "ill and death "y castration 3 whipping if the deed is done in Degas. The only legal high will "e super!ised Chinese acupuncture, in go!ernment hospitals at L@:: a day with Bartha Bitchell as Secretary of Health, )ducation 3

72 4elfare, operating out of a luxurious penthouse on top of the 4alter +eed Army Hospital. So much, then, for The +oad and for the last possi"ilities of running amo# in /as Degas @ li!ing to tell the tale. 0ut may"e we won$t really miss it. Bay"e /aw 3 Crder is really the "est way to go, after all. Heah. . . may"e so, and if that$s the way it happens. . . well, at least 2$ll #now 2 was there! nec# deep in the madness, "efore the deal went down, and 2 got so high and wild that 2 felt li#e a two ton Banta +ay %umping all the way across the 0ay of 0engal. 2t was a good way to go, and 2 recommend it highly at least for those who can stand the trip. And for those who can$t, or won$t, there is not much else to say. Not now, and certainly not "y me, or +aoul 1u#e either. Fear @ 2oathing in 2as 5egas mar#s the end of an era. . . and now, on this fantastic 2ndian summer morning in the +oc#ies, 2 want to lea!e this noisy "lac# machine and sit na#ed on my porch for a while, in the sun. -reviousl' un&ublished

A Con2ersat+on on Ralph Stea-3an an- H+s Book, America, 4+th $r. Hunter S. Tho3pson
HST9 2$m sitting here loo#ing at +alph$s "oo#. 2t$s terri"le a really rotten thing to pu"lish. . . )1.9 4hat$s wrong with itG HST9 2t$s em"arrassing. 2 hate to go into the details. This scatological scene here, with sex organs and things. . . )1.9 Hou$!e wor#ed with +alph Steadman &uite a "it, 1r. Thompson. Some of the material in this "oo# came out of assignments and trips you made together. How did you two hoo# up in the first placeG HST9 Ah, let$s see. . . 2 ran into him at the ,entuc#y 1er"y in Bay of 67=7. 2 had "een loo#ing around for an artist to go the 1er"y with me. 2 called 4arren Hinc#le, the editor at Scanlan*s! and said, (4e need some"ody with a really peculiar sense of humor, "ecause this is going to "e a !ery twisted story. 2t$ll re&uire some"ody with a serious #in# in his "rain.( So Hinc#le thought for a while and said, (2 #now %ust the person for you. He$s ne!er "een pu"lished o!er here "efore. His name is +alph Steadman, he wor#s for -rivate 8'e in /ondon and we$ll get him o!er there right away.( So 2 went down there thin#ing that whate!er showed up would "e pretty hard to cope with. +alph was a day late' he chec#ed into the wrong room, at the wrong hotel. . . this was his first !isit to this country, "y the way, the ,entuc#y 1er"y. He$s had four "asic reasons for coming to this country, which might explain something a"out the nature of the drawings in this "oo#. His first !isit was for the ,entuc#y 1er"y in 67=7. . . he hadn$t "een here "efore that. His second gig also for Scanlan*s was the America$s Cup yacht race at Newport, +hode 2sland, in 678:. The third was the 678@ 1emocratic Con!ention in Biami for Rolling Stone. And the fourth was the 4atergate hearings in 4ashington in the summer of $8?. He went to a few other places in con%unction with those trips places li#e 1allas, 1isneyland, Santa Fe "ut those were mainly side trips. The assignments that set the psychological tone for his reaction to this country were the ,entuc#y 1er"y, the America$s Cup, Biami 0each for the Con!ention and 4atergate. That$s a pretty hea!y series of shoc#s, 2 thin#, for an artist in his late twenties who ne!er wanted to wor# o!er here in the first place. )1.9 4hy notG HST9 2 dont$ thin# he e!er e!en li#ed the idea of this country, much less the reality.

73 )1.9 That shows. He seems to "e horrified "y America. HST9 Heah. That$s one of the reasons he$s fun to wor# with he has a really fine, raw sense of horror. )1.9 4hat is it a"out America that horrifies himG HST9 )!erything. The only time 2$!e e!er seen him relaxed and peaceful in this country was when he and his wife came out to my place in Colorado for a while. . . 0ut, of course, that$s total isolation' +alph is !ery sensiti!e a"out his pri!acy. )1.9 How does he "eha!e in pu"lic when you$!e "een with himG HST9 He$s decepti!ely mild in pu"lic, although e!ery once in a while he$ll run amo#. He "eha!ed pretty well at the 1er"y, e!en though he was drun# the whole time. )1.9 1run#G HST9 He$s constantly drun#, in pu"lic )1.9 1oes he draw on the spotG HST9 4ell he sketches on the spot, he ta#es a lot of photographs. He uses a little sort of Binox type camera. 2 didn$t see him ta#ing that many photos in Biami and 4ashington. He used to do more of that in the old days. Now he s#etches on the spot, "ut then he goes "ac# to the hotel and has the whole assignment finished that same night. )1.9 So he$s !ery fastG HST9 Hes, it$s shoc#ing to wor# with him. Aust a"out the time 2$m starting to sit down and get to wor#, he$s finished. 2t$s depressing. 2t too# me three wee#s to write that ,entuc#y 1er"y story, "ut Steadman did his drawings in three days. He$s not really a serious "oozer, you #now, "ut when he comes o!er here and gets in!ol!ed in these horri"le scenes, it causes him to drin# hea!ily. )1.9 4hat happened at America$s CupG HST9 4ell we met in New Hor#, flew to Newport, and on the way 2. . . uh. . . 2 had a whole "unch of these little purple pills some"ody had gi!en me. 2 #new it was going to "e a "eastly goddamn assignment and 2 had definite plans for #eeping it as unhinged as possi"le. . . #ind of off "alance, off center. 2 had no intention of getting a serious story out of it. Cur idea was to dri!e this "oat we$d chartered right into the race, right into the course. 2t was a <: foot sloop not a racing "oat, "ut a pretty "ig sailing yacht. -nfortunately, the weather was so horri"le that the "astards only raced one day out of three and the scene was still going on when we had to lea!e. . . for a !ery specific reason. Cn the way up, 2 too# one of these purple pills, which turned out to "e psilocy"in 2 thin#. They were %ust a"out right. 2 ended up ta#ing two or three a day, for general research purposes. . . Steadman doesn$t get at all into drugs usually He smo#es a little now and then, "ut he$s horrified of anything psychedelic. He had a #ind of personal drug crisis up there in Newport. 4e spent the first two days %ust waiting for the weather to lift so the "oats could go out. 2t was intolera"ly dull, and on the third day he said, (Hou seem to "e ha!ing a wonderful time in this nightmare. 2 can$t figure it out.( And 2 said, (4ell, 2 rely on my medicine to #eep totally twisted. Ctherwise, 2 couldn$t stand this "ullshit.( And he said, (4ell, may"e 2$ll try one.( At this point, 2 was up to a"out four a day. . . So he tried one 2 thin# he got it down a"out six o$cloc# at night in one of those "ars in town, a yachting crowd "ar on the pier. And "y midnight he was completely "erser#. He stayed that way for a"out ninety six hours, during which time we had to lea!e, had to charter a plane and flee "ecause the police were loo#ing for us. )1.9 4hyG HST9 4ell, at some point the morning after we too# that first pill or it might ha!e "een the next morning, 2$m not sure +alph was in an insane condition for three or four straight days "ut at one point 2 decided that, in order to get things mo!ing a "it, we$d snea# o!er to the Australian yacht, the challenger (retel! and paint (Fuc# the .ope( on the side in huge letters, as "ig as we could ma#e them. So that when (retel "oomed out of the har"or in the morning, this "rutal graffiti would "e

74 painted in such a way that people on "oard, the crew mem"ers, couldn$t see it "ecause (Fuc# the .ope( would "e "elow the dec# on the water line. . . whereas e!ery"ody else woutd see it immediately from the press and spectator "oats. 0ut there was no way to get in there, to do the paint %o". 2t was li#e trying to get into Fort ,nox. The "oats were guarded so well that the only way to get near them was to come in from the sea. )!en that was sort of guarded, "ecause it was all lit up, and no "oat of any size or any reason to "e out there at night could ha!e made it in "y sea. So we got a dinghy off the "oat we were chartering. 2 hadn$t rowed a "oat at all for a"out ten years, and 2 don$t thin# +alph had ever rowed one. 2 ended up rowing. The "oat was %ust a"out "ig enough for the two of us to fit in a !ery small dinghy. And we came in #ind of around the pilings on the sea side. 4e were snea#ing from piling to piling. 4e$d "ought these six cans of red spray paint from the hardware store in the town and no, 2 actually "ought them in New Hor#, come to thin# of it. So, 2 guess 2 kne" what we were going to do. +alph was going to "e the artist and 2 was %ust rowing the "oat. Somehow we managed to get right next to the Australian yacht. 2t loo#ed li#e a huge, sil!er #nife in the water' %ust a giant "lade, a racing machine not good for anything else, a"solutely star# and menacing. .articularly when you find yourself down at the water line right next to the hull with all the spotlights and guards around it, up a"o!e. 4e could hear people tal#ing further "ac#, at the entrance to the doc#. 2t ne!er occurred to them that anyone would come in from the sea. 2 was trying to hold the dinghy against the side without ma#ing any noise, while +alph stood up and painted. And you #now those spray paint cans ha!e a little "all in them, and in order to mix the paint up, you ha!e to sha#e it the little "all "angs around inside, and it hisses %ust "efore the paint catches and it starts to wor#. 2t was the goddamn little "all that got us. 0ecause it was so &uiet in the har"or the sound of that "all "ouncing around inside as +alph shoo# the can up. . . And then when he started cursing as the hissing got going, this really alarmed whoe!er was up there, and they "egan to shout. Some"ody loo#ed o!er the side and yelled, (4hat are you guys doing down thereG( And 2 said something li#e (Nothing, nothing at all,( and told +alph to #eep going. And then they "egan to shout and a /and +o!er came speeding down the length of the doc#, lights went on e!erywhere, all o!er the damn slip. 2t was a pretty tough stretch to row across with all these lights on us. 0ut we realized we were going to ha!e to do it or get %ailed immediately so +alph %ust hung on and we too# off toward the dar#ness and the open sea in this dinghy with all these people yelling at us and +alph still in a terri"le psychological condition. . . 0ecause this was real fear that came on top of e!erything else. 4hen the spotlights hit us, 2 thought they might start shooting. They were almost insanely serious a"out the security. 4e got away "y heading out to sea, then dou"ling "ac# into the dar#ness of the piling across the har"or. 0ut we #new we had only gotten away temporarily, "ecause "y this time they$d seen us. . . 4e were in a yellow dinghy "elonging to a yellow "oat, and "y dawn there would "e no &uestion as to where we$d come from. 4e were fuc#ed' there was no dou"t a"out it. Steadman was ra!ing incoherently as we rowed "ac# to our "oat' he hates !iolence of any #ind. . . 0ut 2 figured he$d hate %ail e!en worse, so when we got to our "oat 2 told him to pac# his gear while 2 too# a "ig flare gun up on dec# and fired three huge parachute flares up into the night these "rutes that cost a"out ten dollars apiece' they go up a"out 6:: yards, then explode into four falling fire"alls. . . the #ind of things you$re ne!er supposed to use except for serious emergencies at sea. Anyway, 2 fired three of these while +alph was pac#ing twel!e orange fire"alls that went off li#e twel!e shotgun "lasts and lit up the whole har"or. . . Some of them fell on "oats and started fires, people were shouting, leaping out of their "un#s and gra""ing fire extinguishers. . . There was total chaos in the har"or. 2 went "elow and got my own stuff together, then we hailed a passing motor launch it was

75 almost dawn "y this time and whoe!er was running that launch agreed to gi!e us a ride into the shore for twenty dollars. From there we got a ca" straight to the airport and chartered a small plane to 0oston. +alph was still in a really fiendish condition. He was "arefooted, out of his mind and his only refuge was New Hor#. 2 called down there and found out that Scanlan*s had folded yesterday, "ut a friend of Steadman$s would meet him at the airport. 2 said, (Now loo#, you have to meet him, "ecause he$s in terri"le condition. . . 2 ha!e to "e "ac# in Colorado today in order to file to run for sheriff(. . . that was the deadline. So this guy agreed to meet +alph at /a *uardia. He went into a ra!ing frenzy, cursing me, cursing America. . . )1.9 CursingG HST9 Ch yes. He was !ery "itter a"out it ha!ing lost his shoes, his dignity, his sanity all that sort of thing. . . 2 put him on the plane to New Hor#, then flew off to Colorado. . . and the next time 2 heard from him was a"out a month later, when 2 got a letter saying he$d ne!er come to this country again, and certainly not as long as 3 was here. 4hat had happened was 2 found out later there was no"ody at the airport in New Hor# City. No"ody met him. He had no shoes, no money, he didn$t #now anything a"out New Hor#. The Scanlan*s office was closed, he couldn$t e!en get in there, no"ody answered the phone. He "orrowed ten dollars for the ca" from a "artender on Forty fifth Street. . . 0y this time his mind was coming apart. 2 tal#ed to one of the people in the hotel that Scanlan*s used and they remem"ered this strange, wild eyed 0ritisher pacing around the lo""y, #ic#ing the walls with his "are feet and cursing e!ery"ody who came near him. Finally, he remem"ered some editor a friend of a friend, 2 thin# that he had some connection with. 0y this time his face and head had turned completely purple, his feet were "leeding. 2t was a"out twenty four hours after he arri!ed that he finally got to this editor$s apartment somehow, in a state of shattered ner!ous hysteria. She sort of nursed him "ac# to health, and 2 thin# he had a return tic#et he ne!er lea!es home unless the money and a tic#et are all "rought to the house and handed to him. He has no faith in expense reim"ursement, which 2 thin# is !ery wise. )1.9 Ha!e all his experiences in America "een li#e thatG HST9 4ell, he fled Biami after two days. He came o!er to co!er the 1emocratic Con!ention, "ut he couldn$t handle Biami. )1.9 He also co!ered the +epu"lican Con!ention. . . HST9 No, he watched that on tele!ision in /ondon. He refused to come "ac# to Biami, for any reason. )1.9 4hyG HST9 He couldn$t stand Biami 0each. The shoc# was too great. There$s a drawing in the "oo# that explains why. . . )1.9 4hy does he su"mit himself to this #ind of rapeG HST9 2 thin# he gets a per!erse #ind of #ic# out of it. His "est drawings come out of situations where he$s "een most anguished. So 2 deli"erately put him into shoc#ing situations when 2 wor# with him. 2$!e always found that that$s when he does his "est stuff. . . 2 too# him into the 4atergate hearings completely drun#. And then we had to sit down at a press ta"le in an aisle where the senators came in and out during the !oting "rea#s. +alph leaped up during one of the intermissions with a "eer in his hand and #noc#ed Sam )r!in off his feet. He almost got my press pass pulled, almost got us thrown out of the hearings permanently. Sometimes he seems unconscious of the things he$s doing. .eople thin# he doesn$t &uite #now what$s going on. The real trou"le he generates comes later, when people realize what he$s done. )1.9 4hen they loo# at his drawings. HST9 Hes. 4hen they realize they were !ery nice to him, and then they see themsel!es horri"ly caricatured. . . He did that to my "rother once.

76 )1.9 Hour "rotherG HST9 Heah, we were down there at the 1er"y. 1a!ison went to college on a foot"all scholarship as a line"ac#er he encouraged +alph to do a s#etch of him, sitting in a restaurant in /ouis!ille and +alph did it. 2 thought we were in serious trou"le. At that point, 2 maced the waiter at the restaurant and we had to lea!e. )1.9 BaceG Hou maced himG HST9 Heah, 2 maced the waiter. He was a surly "astard, and 2 figured a shot of Bace would "e good for him and for us, too. )1.9 4hat pro!o#ed youG HST9 2t was %ust an argument we got into with the waiter. 2$m not sure how it de!eloped. 2 maced him right after +alph had done this drawing of my "rother. All of a sudden we had something new to cope with. 2n fact, we had to lea!e the restaurant immediately. )1.9 +alph$s #inda li#e Clar# ,ent, you #now. He has that mild mannered disguise. HST9 Hes. 2 wonder what would show on his chest if we could do a drawing of him ripping "ac# the shirt. . . may"e an adder or an iguana or a *ila monster. . . )1.9 Hes. The #ind that sits still for hours and then #ills you. HST9 4ith a flip of the tongue. . . yes, 2 thin# a *ila monster would "e appropriate. A gila monster with a "allpoint pen for a tongue. )1.9 +alph wor#s in "all pointG HST9 2$m not sure. . . As 2 recall, he uses chal# and "ig, "right pencils' and when he$s carrying those "ig pads around with him, it sets him off from almost any"ody he$s near. )1.9 1o people go up and loo# at what he$s doingG HST9 No, "ecause he wor#s so fast and he concentrates so intensely. 2t would "e li#e harassing a TD cameraman. There$s something a"out Steadman that warns people not to interfere with him when he$s wor#ing. )1.9 4hy do you li#e to wor# with himG 4ould you rather wor# with +alph than a photographerG HST9 1efinitely. .hotographers generally get in the way of stories. Steadman has a way of "ecoming part of the story. And 2 li#e to see things through his eyes. He gi!es me a perspecti!e that 2 wouldn$t normally ha!e "ecause he$s shoc#ed at things 2 tend to ta#e for granted. .hotographers %ust run around suc#ing up anything they can focus on and don$t tal# much a"out what they$re doing. .hotographers don$t participate in the story. They all can act, "ut !ery few of them thin#. Steadman thin#s more li#e a writer' 2 can communicate with him. He comes to grips with a story sort of the same way 2 do. . . 2 don$t mean that we always agree on what some"ody looks li#e. 0ut we can go to the 4atergate hearings, for instance, and he$ll "e sha#en and repulsed "y something that happens and once he points it out to me, 2$ll agree with him. )1.9 4hat is it a"out America that you thin# shoc#s him mostG HST9 2 thin# it$s the lac# of su"tlety and the lac# of the traditional 0ritish attempt to co!er up the warts, or explain them away somehow. 2n America, we decorate the warts, sell them, culti!ate them. . . 2$m loo#ing at this drawing he did in Degas of all those cops standing in the lo""y. )1.9 2s it the people who shoc# himG HST9 Heah. The extreme types cow"oys and "urr haired cops, horri"le Southern drun#ards at the ,entuc#y 1er"y and gross degenerates in Biami "each. Cf course that$s all he$s seen on these experiences. )1.9 He$s had a one sided loo# at things, tra!eling with you. HST9 That$s true. 2t$s "een pretty hard for him. . . )1.9 Couldn$t "e worse. HST9 Cnly if he$d tra!eled with Charlie Banson, some"ody li#e that. . . +alph seems to wor# much "etter when he$s genuinely offended. And 2$!e learned now 2 can %ust #inda chuc#le when 2 see

77 something, and e!en if it$s not worth writing, 2$ll thin#, (Ah hah, this$ll really gi!e the "astard a %olt. . .( So 2$ll ma#e sure he has to confront it. )1.9 He needs to "e in %eopardyG HST9 2 thin# that$s part of the reason the Degas "oo# wor#ed so well. That sense of "eing in %eopardy ran all through it. 2 thin# he identified !ery strongly with it. There$s no su"stitute for that horrified adrenalin rush. There$s a paranoid flash in a lot of his wor#s too. He has a paranoid side to him9 (.eople are lying to me' that cant "e true. . . if Thompson says 2 should turn right here, pro"a"ly 2 should turn left. . .( He gets !ery confused a"out things li#e that. 0ut he$s fun to wor# with. 2 thin# he deli"erately gets himself in situations that 2 ha!e to get him out of, so 2 ha!e to worry a"out him. That thing at the 4atergate is a perfect example, although 2 didn$t rescue him then, 2 #new what was going to happen. )1.9 Hou didn$t rescue himG HST9 4ell, 2 pulled him out after a while "ut not when he %umped up and crashed through a line of marshals around )r!in and #noc#ed him into the TD cameras. 2t was a narrow aisle "etween the press ta"le and the TD. . . it was all their machinery really, all the hardware. )1.9 4ho would you compare him to in the history of artG 4hat do you thin# of him, o"%ecti!elyG HST9 *eorge *rosz, 2 guess. That$s who 2 thin# of right away. And. . . Hogarth. . . or may"e .at Cliphant today. . . )1.9 1o you thin# he$s gi!en us an accurate portrait of AmericaG HST9 4ell, 2$m not sure Hogarth was entirely o"%ecti!e "ut, yes, there$s an element of reality, e!en in +alph$s most grotes&ue drawings. He catches things. -sing a sort of !enomous, satirical approach, he exaggerates the two or three things that horrify him in a scene or situation. . . And you can say that these people didn$t loo# e actl' li#e that, "ut when you can loo# at them again it seems pretty damn close. All the cops in the Degas hotel lo""y are wearing the same plaid 0ermuda shorts, and they$re uglier than any group of mutants you$d see at a "ad insane asylum you #now, for the criminally insane. 0ut 2 loo# "ac# on that scene and 2 #now they weren$t much different, really. They had on different colored shirts and they weren$t all crazy and dangerous loo#ing "ut he caught the one or two distinguishing characteristics among them9 the "eady eyes, "urr haircuts, weasel teeth, "eer "ellies. 2f you exaggerate those four characteristics, you get a pretty grizzly drawing. . . )1.9 He is a realist, then. . . HST9 Ch yes. 0y way of exaggeration and selecti!e grotes&uery. His !iew of reality is not entirely normal. +alph sees through the glass !ery dar#ly. He doesn$t merely render a scene, he inter&rets it, from his own point of !iew. For instance, he felt the senators should "e on trial at the 4atergate hearings. He was con!inced that they were totally corrupt. Corruption in its "roadest sense seems to "e the thing that shoc#s him and gets him cran#ed more than anything else. . . congenital corruption. . . on a le!el far "eyond police payoffs or political "ri"ery. . . deeply corrupt people, performing essentially corrupt actions, in the name of law and order. )1.9 1o you plan any further pro%ects togetherG HST9 The trial of Nixon would "e a nice trip for Steadman. )1.9 2n the SenateG HST9 Hes. Nixon doesn$t ha!e to "e in the doc# according to law "ut it$s possi"le that he might "e. . . and 2 thin# that would "e an ideal story for +alph. Cr may"e a !ery expensi!e wedding in the South Cld, incestuous families, things li#e that or a carni!al scene, li#e a tra!eling carni!al, with sideshows at country fairs. . . and 2 thin# he could get off pretty harshly on an /.A. gang rape or a sex orgy on 0ee#man .lace in New Hor#. . . There$s a #ind of wild theme in his drawings9 decadence, corruption, immorality. . . li#e these horri"le people in plastic hats standing outside the ,ennedy Bemorial in 1allas. C"scenity in its "roadest sense is another hallmar# of the

78 things that shoc# him. . . 2 thin# he sees all of 1allas and Texas and e!en all of America as o"scene, or at least a moc#ery of what it should "e the way it claims to "e, from his point of !iew. He pro"a"ly thin#s it was doomed from the start. He has that ,ing *eorge 222 notion of America. )1,9 Hes, as an )nglishman. . . 4e fuc#ed up from the "eginning. 4e should ha!e stayed with those guys. HST9 +ight. A "unch of crude upstarts couldn$t ma#e it wor#. Bay"e +alph should spend more time at Shriners con!entions. 2 notice he caught one of those in 1allas. 4e should loc# him in a hotel at the National Shriners Con!ention in 1uluth for a whole wee#. . . Aesus, that might "e a terminal shoc#. . . or he$d come up with some fantastic drawings. He wor#s "est when you put him in a situation where he$s "ordering on flipping out, "ut not &uite, you #now where he can still function. )1.9 2t$s the old edge. HST9 4hy notG 2t$s a nice place to wor#. . . 4hen he$s comforta"le and not stunned or appalled at what he$s seeing, then he doesn$t do his "est stuff. . . it$s not "ad, "ut it doesn$t ha!e that. . . )1.9 1oesn$t ha!e the "ite. HST9 4ell, that$s pro"a"ly true, "ut you can$t expect a mind li#e +alph$s to stay up on the wire all the time: it$s too fuc#ing painful, e!en when you do it in short doses. 0ut Steadman has pretty good sense a"out that, so 2 figure he$ll #eep his edge for a while. . . which is a good thing for me, "ecause there$s no"ody 2$d rather wor# with. Aune 678; America "y +alph Steadman, San Francisco, Straight Arrow .ress, 678;

Stran*e Ru31l+n*s +n Aztlan

The. . . %ur-er. . . an- Resurre,t+on o5 Ru1en Salazar 10 the Los An*eles Count0 Sher+55.s $epart3ent. . . Sa2a*e Polar+zat+on 7 the %ak+n* o5 a %art0r. . . Ba- "e4s 5or the %e8+,an(A3er+,an. . . Worse "e4s 5or the P+*. . . An- "o4 the "e4 Ch+,ano. . . R+-+n* a Gr+3 "e4 Wa2e. . . The R+se o5 the Batos Lo,os. . . Bro4n Po4er an- a #+st5ul o5 Re-s. . . Ru-e Pol+t+,s +n the Barr+o. . . Wh+,h S+-e Are =ou !n. . . Brother6. . . There Is "o %ore %+--le*roun-. . . "o Pla,e to H+-e on Wh+tt+er Boule2ar-. . . "o Re5u*e 5ro3 the Hel+,opters. . . "o Hope +n the Courts. . . "o Pea,e 4+th the %an. . . "o Le2era*e An04here. . . an- "o L+*ht at the En- o5 Th+s Tunnel. . . "a-a. . . Borning comes hard to the Hotel Ashmun' this is not a place where the guests spring eagerly out of "ed to greet the fresh new day. 0ut on this particular morning e!ery"ody in the place is awa#e at the crac# of dawn9 There is a terri"le pounding and shrie#ing in the hallway, near room No. @=8. Some %un#ie has ripped the door#no" off the communal "athroom, and now the others can$t get in so they are trying to #ic# the door down. The !oice of the manager wa!ers hysterically a"o!e the din9 (Come on now, fellas do 2 ha!e to call the sheriffG( The reply comes hard and fast9 (Hou filthy ga"acho pigI Hou call the fuc#in sheriff and 2$ll cut your fuc#in throat.( And now the sound of wood crac#ing, more screaming, the sound of running feet outside my door, No. @=8. The door is loc#ed, than# Christ "ut how can you say for sure in a place li#e the Hotel AshmunG )specially on a morning li#e this with a mo" of wild %un#ies loc#ed out of the hall "athroom and may"e #nowing that No. @=8 is the only room within lunging distance that has a pri!ate "ath. 2t is the "est in the house, at L<.>: a night, and the loc# on the door is "rand new. The

79 old one was ripped out a"out 6@ hours earlier, %ust "efore 2 chec#ed in. The des# cler# had gone to a lot of trou"le to get me into this room. His #ey wouldn$t fit the new loc#. (Aesus ChristI( he #ept muttering. (This #ey has to fitI This is a "rand new )ale lock." He stared "alefully at the "right new #ey in his hand. (Heah,( 2 said. (0ut that #ey is for a %ebster loc#.( (0y *od you$re right+" he exclaimed. And he rushed off, lea!ing us standing there in the hallway with "ig chun#s of ice in our hands. (4hat$s wrong with that guyG( 2 as#ed. (He seems out of control all this sweating and grappling and %a""ering. . .( 0enny /una laughed. (Ban, he$s ner!ousI Hou thin# it$s normal for him to "e lettin four nasty loo#in Chicanos into his "est room at three in the morningG 4ith all of us carryin chun#s of ice and funny loo#in leather "agsG( He was staggering around the hall, con!ulsed with laughter. (Ban, this guy is freaked+ He doesn$t #now "hat*s goin onI( "Three Chicanos,( said Cscar. (And one hill"illy.( (Hou didn$t tell him 2 was a writer, did youG( 2 as#ed. 2$d noticed Cscar tal#ing to the man, a tall sort of defeated loo#ing *ermanic type, "ut 2 hadn$t paid much attention. (No, "ut he recognized me!" Cscar replied. (He said, $Hou$re the lawyer, aren$t youG$ So 2 said $That$s right, and 2 want your "est room for this ga"acho friend of mine.$( He grinned. (Heah, he #nows something*s wrong with this scene, "ut he doesn$t #now what. These guys are scared of ever'thing now. )!ery merchant on 4hittier 0oule!ard is sure he$s li!ing on "orrowed time, so they go all to pieces at the first sign of anything strange going on. 2t$s "een this way e!er since Salazar.( The room cler#JmanagerJ#eeperJetc, suddenly rounded the hallway corner with the right #ey, and let us into the room. 2t was a winner a run down echo of a place 2 stayed in a few years ago in the slums of /ima, .eru. 2 can$t recall the name of that place, "ut 2 remem"er that all the room #eys were attached to "ig wooden #no"s a"out the size of grapefruits, too "ig to fit in a poc#et. 2 thought a"out suggesting this to our man in the Hotel Ashmun, "ut he didn$t wait around for tips or small tal#. He was gone in a flash, lea!ing us alone to deal with a &uart of rum and *od only #nows what else. . . 4e put the ice in a "asin next to the "ed and chopped it up with a huge rigging #nife. The only music was a tape cassette of 2et 3t Aleed. 4hat "etter music for a hot night on 4hittier 0oule!ard in 6786G This has not "een a peaceful street, of late. And in truth it was never peaceful. 4hittier is to the !ast Chicano barrio in )ast /os Angeles what the Sunset Strip is to Hollywood. This is where the street action li!es9 The "ars, the hustlers, the drug mar#et, the whores and also the riots, the trashings, #illings, gassings, the sporadic "loody clashes with the hated, common enemy9 The cops, the .igs, the Ban, that "lue crusted army of fearsome ga"acho troops from the )ast /.A. Sheriff$s 1epartment. The Hotel Ashmun is a good place to stay if you want to get next to whate!er$s happening on 4hittier 0oule!ard. The window of No. @=8 is a"out 6< feet a"o!e the sidewal# and %ust a few "loc#s west on the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe, a nondescript ta!ern that is not much different from any of the others near"y. There is a pool ta"le in the rear, a pitcher of "eer sells for a dollar, and the faded Chicano "armaid rolls dice with the patrons to #eep the %u#e"ox going. /ow num"er pays, and no"ody seems to care who selects the music. 4e had "een in there earlier, when not much was happening. 2t was my first !isit in six months, since early Septem"er when the place was still rancid with the stench of CS gas and fresh !arnish. 0ut now, six months later, the Sil!er 1ollar had aired out nicely. No "lood on the floor, no ominous holes in the ceiling. The only reminder of my other !isit was a thing hanging o!er the cash register that we all noticed immediately. 2t was a "lac# gas mas#, staring "lindly out at the room and "elow the gas mas# was a star# handprinted sign that said9 (2n memory of August @7, 678:.( Nothing else, no explanation. 0ut no explanation was necessary at least not to any"ody li#ely to "e found drin#ing in the Sil!er 1ollar. The customers are locals9 Chicanos and "arrio people and e!ery one of them is acutely aware of what happened in the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe on

80 August @7, 678:. That was the day that +u"en Salazar, the prominent (Bexican American( columnist for the /os Angeles Times and News 1irector for "ilingual ,B)T TD, wal#ed into the place and sat down on a stool near the doorway to order a "eer he would ne!er drin#. 0ecause %ust a"out the time the "armaid was sliding his "eer across the "ar a /os Angeles County Sheriff$s deputy named Tom 4ilson fired a tear gas "om" through the front door and "lew half of +u"en Salazar$s head off. All the other customers escaped out the "ac# exit to the alley, "ut Salazar ne!er emerged. He died on the floor in a cloud of CS gas and when his "ody was finally carried out, hours later, his name was already launched into martyrdom. 4ithin @; hours, the !ery mention of the name (+u"en Salazar( was enough to pro!o#e tears and fist sha#ing tirades not only along 4hittier 0oule!ard "ut all o!er )ast /.A. Biddle aged housewi!es who had ne!er thought of themsel!es as anything "ut lame status (Bexican Americans( %ust trying to get "y in a mean *ringo world they ne!er made suddenly found themsel!es shouting (Di!a /a +aza( in &ublic. And their hus"ands &uiet Safeway cler#s and lawn care salesmen, the lowest and most expenda"le cadres in the *reat *a"acho economic machine were !olunteering to testif': yes, to stand up in court, or where!er, and calling themsel!es Chicanos. The term (Bexican American( fell massi!ely out of fa!or with all "ut the old and conser!ati!e and the rich. 2t suddenly came to mean (-ncle Tom.( Cr, in the argot of )ast /.A. (Tio Taco.( The difference "etween a Bexican American and a Chicano was the difference "etween a Negro and a 0lac#. All this has happened !ery suddenly. Too suddenly for most people. Cne of the "asic laws of politics is that Action Bo!es Away from the Center. The middle of the road is only popular when nothing is happening. And nothing serious has "een happening politically in )ast /.A. for longer than most people can remem"er. -ntil six months ago the whole place was a colorful tom", a !ast slum full of noise and cheap la"or, a rifle shot away from the heart of downtown /os Angeles. The "arrio, li#e 4atts, is actually a part of the city core while places li#e Hollywood and Santa Bonica are separate entities. The Sil!er 1ollar Cafe is a ten minute dri!e from City Hall. The Sunset Strip is a ?: minute sprint on the Hollywood Freeway. 4hittier 0oule!ard is a hell of a long way from Hollywood, "y any measure. There is no psychic connection at all. After a wee# in the "owels of )ast /.A. 2 felt !aguely guilty a"out wal#ing into the "ar in the 0e!erly Hills Hotel and ordering a drin# as if 2 didn$t &uite "elong there, and the waiters all #new it. 2 had "een there "efore, under different circumstances, and felt totally comforta"le. Cr almost. There is no way to. . . well, to hell with that. The point is that this time 2 felt different. 2 was oriented to a completely different world 6< miles away. %ARCHA #!R LA 9 STICIA THERE ARE "! P!LICE C!%% "IT= RELATI!"S I" THE CHICA"! C!%% "ITIES. "o, EVER SI"CE THE P!LICE RI!T !" A G ST &>th IT HAS BEC!%E T!! !BVI! S T! IG"!RE THE #ACT THAT THE LAP$, THE SHERI##S, A"$ THE HIGHWA= PATR!L HAVE #!R =EARS BEE" S=STE%ATICALL= TR=I"G T! $ESTR!= THE TR E SPIRIT !# ! R PE!PLE . I" THE PAST, P!LICE HAVE BR!/E" P EVER= ATTE%PT !# ! R PE!PLE T! GET 9 STICE, THE= HAVE BEATE" =! "G ST $E"TS PR!TESTI"G P!!R E$ CATI!", RAI$E$ !##ICES, ARRESTE$ LEA$ERS, CALLE$ S C!%% "ISTIC A"$ GA"GSTERS I" THE PRESS, A"$ EVER=THI"G ELSE !" THE STREETS WHE" THE PRESS WAS G!"E. EVE" %!RE I"SI$I! S THA" THE $IRECT P!LITICAL REPRESSI!" AGAI"ST LEA$ERS A"$ $E%!"STRATI!"S IS THE C!"TI" ! S ATTAC/S !" THE EVER=$A= LI#E !# PE!PLE I" THE BARRI!S. AL%!ST
EVER= %!"TH EACH BARRI! HAS S ##ERE$ THR! GH AT LEAST !"E CASE !# SEVERE BR TALIT= !R % R$ER

!"E WEE/ IT.S SA" #ER"A"$!, THE" LI"C!L" HEIGHTS, EAST L.A., VE"ICE, THE HARB!R A"$ P!%!"A. . . THE= HIT !"E BARRI! AT A TI%E, TR=I"G T! BREA/ ! R "IT= A"$ SPIRIT.

A"$ THE" STR GGLE$ T! $E#E"$ #RIE"$S A"$ WIT"ESSES WH! #ACE B % RAPS.

81 !" A
G ST

&>th, THR!

GH ALL !# ! R BARRI!S WERE $E%!"STRATI!"S #!R PEACE A"$ 9 STICE

! T !# #EAR, THE= I"STALLE$ %ARTIAL LAW, ARRESTI"G A"$ AB SI"G H "$RE$S !# C!%% "IT= PE!PLE . THE= /ILLE$ GILBERT! $IA:, L="" WAR$, A"$ R BE" SALA:AR, THE %A" WH! C! L$ TELL ! R ST!R= T! THE "ATI!" A"$ THE W!RL$. WE % ST "!T #!RGET THE LESS!" !# A G ST &>TH, THAT THE %A9!R S!CIAL A"$ P!LITICAL ISS E WE #ACE IS P!LICE BR TALIT=. SI"CE THE &>TH P!LICE ATTAC/S HAVE BEE" W!RSE, EITHER THE PE!PLE C!"TR!L THE P!LICE, !R WE ARE LIVI"G I" A P!LICE STATE. WE % ST "!T ALL!W THE P!LICE T! BREA/ ! R "IT=. WE % ST CARR= !" THE SPIRIT !# R BE" A"$ SALA:AR A"$ E?P!SE THIS BR TALIT= T! THE "ATI!" A"$ THE W!RL$. THE CHICA"! %!RAT!RI % C!%%ITTEE CALLS P!" =! T! S PP!RT ! R "!"(VI!LE"T %ARCH #!R 9 STICE THR!GH THE BARRI!S !# THE GREATER L!S A"GELES AREA. CARAVA"S WILL BE C!%I"G #R!% $!:E"S !# CITIES A"$ AR! "$ ! R BARRI!S. WE WILL ALL %EET AT THE E.L.A. SHERI## .S S B(STATI!" !" @r- STREET BETWEE" #ETTERL= A"$ W!!$S. AT 11<AA A% 9A" AR= @1, 1>B1. 9o+n 0our lo,al ,ara2an. #or 5urther +n5or3at+on ,alL &'C('BDE. (( Han-1+ll 5ro3 the "at+onal Ch+,ano %orator+u3 Co33+ttee By first night in the Hotel Ashmun was not restful. The others had left around fi!e, then there was the %un#ie eruption at se!en. . . followed an hour later "y a thundering, low fidelity out"urst of wailing Norteno music from the %u#e"ox in the 0oule!ard Cafe across the street. . . and then, a"out nine thirty, 2 was %er#ed up again "y a series of loud whistles from the sidewal# right under my window, and a !oice calling, (HunterI 4a#e up, manI /et$s get mo!ing.( Holy %esusI 2 thought. Cnly three people in the world #now where 2 am right now, and they$re all asleep. 4ho else could ha!e trac#ed me to this placeG 2 "ent the metal slats of the Denetian "lind apart %ust enough to loo# down at the street and see +udy Sanchez, Cscar$s &uiet little "odyguard, loo#ing up at my window and wa!ing urgently9 (Come on out, man, it$s time. Cscar and 0enny are up the street at the Sweetheart. That$s the "ar on the corner where you see all those people in front. 4e$ll wait for you there, C,G Hou awa#eG( (Sure 2$m awa#e,( 2 said. (2$!e "een sitting here "aiting for you lazy criminal "astards. 4hy do Bexicans need so much fuc#ing sleepG( +udy smiled and turned away. (4e$ll "e "aiting for you, man. 4e$re gonna "e drin#in a hell of a lot of "loody marys and you #now the rule we ha!e down here.( (Ne!er mind that,( 2 muttered. (2 need a shower.( 0ut my room had no shower. And some"ody, that night, had managed to string a na#ed copper wire across the "athtu" and plug it into a soc#et underneath the "asin outside the "athroom door. For what reasonG 1emon +um, 2 had no idea. Here 2 was in the "est room in the house, loo#ing for the shower and finding only an electrified "athtu". And no place to righteously sha!e in the "est hotel on the strip. Finally 2 scru""ed my face with a hot towel and went across the street to the Sweetheart /ounge. Cscar Acosta, the Chicano lawyer, was there' leaning on the "ar, tal#ing idly with some of the patrons. Cf the four people around him all in their late twenties two were ex cons, two were part time dynamite frea#s and #nown fire "om"ers, and three of the four were !eteran acid eaters. Het none of this surfaced in the con!ersation. The tal# was political, "ut only in terms of the courtroom. Cscar was dealing with two hyperpolitical trials at the same time. 2n one, the trial of the (0iltmore Six,( he was defending six young Chicanos who$d "een arrested for trying to "urn down the 0iltmore Hotel one night a"out a year ago, while *o!ernor +onald +eagan was deli!ering a speech there in the "allroom. Their guilt or innocence was immaterial at this point, "ecause the trial had de!eloped into a spectacular attempt to o!erturn the entire *rand Aury selection system. 2n the preceeding months, Acosta had su"poenaed e!ery Superior Court Audge in /os Angeles County and cross examined all 6:7 of them at length, under

A"$ THE P!LICE RI!TE$ A"$ ATTAC/E$.

82 oath, on the su"%ect of their (racism.( 2t was a wretched affront to the whole court system, and Acosta was wor#ing o!ertime to ma#e it as wretched as possi"le. Here were these hundred and nine old men, these 4udges! compelled to ta#e time out from whate!er they were doing and go into another courtroom to ta#e the stand and deny charges of (racism( from an attorney they all loathed. Cscar$s contention, throughout, was that all *rand Auries are racist, since all grand %urors ha!e to "e recommended "y Superior Court Audges who naturally tend to recommend people they #now personally or professionally. And that therefore no rat"astard Chicano street crazy, for instance, could possi"ly "e indicted "y (a %ury of his peers.( The implications of a !ictory in this case were so o"!ious, so clearly menacing to the court system, that interest in the !erdict had filtered all the way down to places li#e the 0oule!ard, the Sil!er 1ollar and the Sweetheart. The le!el of political consciousness is not normally high in these places especially on Saturday mornings "ut Acosta$s !ery presence, no matter where he goes or what he seems to "e doing, is so grossly political that any"ody who wants to tal# to him has to figure out some way to deal on a meaningful political le!el. (The thing is to ne!er tal# down,( he says. (4e$re not trying to win !otes out here. Hell, that trip$s "een done, it$s o!er. The idea now is to ma#e people think. Force them to thin#. And you can$t do that "y wal#ing around slapping strangers on the "ac# and "uying them "eers.( Then grinning. (-nless you happen to "e "a""ling drun# or stoned. 4hich is certainly not my style' 2 want to ma#e that one thing !ery clear.( 0ut today the tal# was easy, with no ulterior politics. (Say, Cscar,( some"ody as#ed. (How do we stand on that *rand Aury thingG 4hat$s our chancesG( Acosta shrugged. (4e$ll win. Bay"e not on this le!el, "ut well win on appeal.( (That$s good, man. 2 hear you$re really wor#in out on the "astards.( (Heah, we$re fuc#in em o!er. 0ut that one might ta#e another year. +ight now we ha!e to thin# a"out Cor#y$s trial. 2t starts Tuesday.( (Cor#y$s in townG( The interest is o"!ious. Heads turn to listen. +udy eases "ac# a few feet so he can watch the whole "ar, scanning the faces for any that might "e too interested. .aranoia is rampant in the "arrio9 2nformers. Narcs. Assassins who #nowsG And +udolfo (Cor#y( *onzales is a definite hea!y, prime target for a frame or a set up. A scholarly, soft spo#en ex "oxer, his 1en!er "ased (Crusade for Austice( is one of the few viable Chicano political organizations in the country. *onzales is a poet, a street fighter, a theorist, an organizer, and the most influential (Chicano leader( in the country next to Cesar Cha!ez. 4hene!er Cor#y *onzales appears in )ast /.A. if only to stand trial on a misdemeanor weapons "ust the le!el of political tension rises noticea"ly. *onzales has a !ery intense following in the "arrio. Bost of his supporters are young9 Students, dropouts, artists, poets, crazies the people who res&ect Cesar Cha!ez, "ut who can$t really relate to church going farmwor#ers. (This wee#end is going to "e hell,( Cscar had told me the night "efore. (4hene!er Cor#y$s in town, my apartment turns into a fuc#ing zoo. 2 ha!e to go to a motel to get any sleep. Shit, 2 can$t stay all night arguing radical politics when 2 ha!e to "e in court the next morning. These wild eyed fuc#ers show up at all hours' they "ring wine, %oints, acid, mescaline, guns. . . Aesus, Cor#y wouldn$t dare ta#e that #ind of ris#. He$s already here, "ut 2 don$t #now where he$s staying. He$s chec#ed into some #ind of goddamn Holiday 2nn or something, a"out fi!e miles out on +osemeade, "ut he won$t tell any"ody where it is not e!en me, his lawyer.( He smiled, (And that$s pretty shrewd, "ecause if 2 #new where he was 2 might go o!er some night all twisted and crazy a"out calling a general stri#e at dawn, or some other dangerous "ullshit that would frea# him.( He nodded, smiling lazily down at his drin#. (As a matter of fact, 2 have "een thin#ing a"out calling a general stri#e. The mo!ement is so goddamn splintered right now that almost anything would help. Heah, may"e 2 should write Cor#y a speech along those lines, then call a press conference for tomorrow afternoon in the Sil!er 1ollar.( He laughed "itterly and called for another

83 "loody mary. Acosta has "een practicing law in the "arrio for three years. 2 met him a "it earlier than that, in another era which hardly matters here, except that it might "e a trifle less than fair to run this story all the way out to the end without saying at least once, for the record, that Cscar is an old friend and occasional antagonist. 2 first met him, as 2 recall, in a "ar called (The 1aisy 1uc#( in Aspen, when he lum"ered up to me and started ra!ing a"out (ripping the system apart li#e a pile of cheap hay,( or something li#e that. . . and 2 remem"er thin#ing, (4ell, here$s another one of those fuc#ed up, guilt crazed dropout lawyers from San Francisco some ding"at who ate one too many tacos and decided he was really )miliano Papata.( 4hich was C,, 2 felt, "ut it was a hard act to handle in Aspen in that high white summer of 67=8. That was the era of Sergeant .epper, the Surrealistic .illow and the original 0uffalo Springfield. 2t was a good year for e!ery"ody or for most people, anyway. There were exceptions, as always. /yndon Aohnson was one, and Cscar Acosta was another. For entirely different reasons. That was not a good summer to "e either the .resident of the -nited States or an angry Bexican lawyer in Aspen. Cscar didn$t hang around long. He washed dishes for a while, did a "it of construction wor#, "ent the County Audge out of shape a few times, then too# off for Bexico to (get serious.( The next thing 2 heard, he was wor#ing for the pu"lic defender$s office in /.A. That was sometime around Christmas of 67=>, which was not a good year for any"ody except +ichard Nixon and perhaps Cscar Acosta. 0ecause "y that time Cscar was "eginning to find his own trac#. He was America$s only (Chicano lawyer,( he explained in a letter, and he li#ed it. His clients were all Chicanos and most were (political criminals,( he said. And if they were guilty it was only "ecause they were (doing what had to "e done.( That$s fine, 2 said. 0ut 2 couldn$t really get into it. 2 was all for it! you understand, "ut only on the "asis of a personal friendship. Most of my friends are into strange things 2 don$t totally understand and with a few shameful exceptions 2 wish them all well. 4ho am 2, after all, to tell some friend he shouldn$t change his name to Cli!er High, get rid of his family and %oin a Satanism cult in SeattleG Cr to argue with another friend who wants to "uy a single shot +emington Fire"all so he can go out and shoot cops from a safe distanceG 4hate!er$s right, 2 say. Ne!er fuc# with a friend$s head "y accident. And if their pri!ate trips get out of control now and then well, you do what has to "e done. 4hich more or less explains how 2 suddenly found myself in!ol!ed in the murder of +u"en Salazar. 2 was up in .ortland, Cregon, at the time, trying to co!er the National American /egion Con!ention and the S#y +i!er +oc# Festi!al at the same time. . . and 2 came "ac# to my secret room in the Hilton one night to find an (urgent message( to call Br. Acosta in /os Angeles. 2 wondered how he had managed to trac# me down in .ortland. 0ut 2 #new, somehow, what he was calling a"out. 2 had seen the /.A. Times that morning, with the story of Salazar$s death, and e!en at a distance of @::: miles it ga!e off a powerful stench. The pro"lem was not %ust a gimp or a hole in the story' the whole goddamn thing was wrong. 2t made no sense at all. The Salazar case had a !ery special hoo# in it9 Not that he was a Bexican or a Chicano, and not e!en Acosta$s angry insistence that the cops had #illed him in cold "lood and that no"ody was going to do anything a"out it. These were all proper ingredients for an outrage, "ut from my own point of !iew the most ominous aspect of Cscar$s story was his charge that the police had deli"erately gone out on the streets and #illed a reporter who$d "een gi!ing them trou"le. 2f this was true, it meant the ante was "eing upped drastically. 4hen the cops declare open season on %ournalists, when they feel free to declare any scene of (unlawful protest( a free fire zone, that will "e a !ery ugly day and not %ust for %ournalists. For thirteen devastated blocks! darkened stores stood ga&ing! sho" "indo"s smashed. Traffic

84 signs! s&ent shotgun shells! chunks of brick and concrete littered the &avement. A &air of sofas! gutted b' fire! smouldered at a curbside s&lashed "ith blood. 3n the hot bla?e of &olice flares! three /hicano 'ouths s"aggered do"n the ruined street. "$e' brother!" one 'elled to a black re&orter! ""as this better than %atts." Newswee#, Feb. <B! C< +u"en Salazar is a "onafide martyr now not only in )ast /.A., "ut in 1en!er and Santa Fe and San Antonio, throughout the Southwest. The length and "readth of Aztlan the (con&uered territories( that came under the yo#e of *ringo occupation troops more than 6:: years ago, when (!endido politicians in Bexico City sold out to the -S( in order to call off the in!asion that *ringo history "oo#s refer to as the (Bexican American 4ar.( E1a!y Croc#ett, +emem"er the Alamo, etc.F As a result of this war, the -S go!ernment was ceded a"out half of what was then the Bexican nation. This territory was e!entually "ro#en up into what is now the states of Texas, New . Bexico, Arizona and the southern half of California. This is Aztlan, more a concept than a real definition. 0ut e!en as a concept it has gal!anized a whole generation of young Chicanos to a style of political action that literally terrifies their Bexican American parents. 0etween 67=> and 678: the (Bexican American Bo!ement( went through the same drastic changes and hea!y trauma that had earlier afflicted the (Negro Ci!il +ights Bo!ement( in the early Sixties. The split was mainly along generational lines, and the first (young radicals( were o!erwhelmingly the sons and daughters of middle class Bexican Americans who had learned to li!e with (their pro"lem.( At this stage, the Bo!ement was "asically intellectual. The word (Chicano( was forged as a necessary identity for the people of Aztlan neither Bexicans nor Americans, "ut a con&uered 2ndianJBestizo nation sold out li#e sla!es "y its leaders and treated li#e indentured ser!ants "y its con&uerers. Not e!en their language was defina"le, much less their identity. The language of )ast /.A. is a speedy sort of cholo mixture of Bexican Spanish and California )nglish. Hou can sit in the 0oule!ard Cafe on 4hittier on a Saturday morning and hear a young Chicano ex con explaining to his friends9 (This goddamn ga"acro parole officer tells me 2 ha!e to get the sewing machine "ac#. 2 tal#ed to that goddamn !endido and the !ie%a tam"ien, and they tell me don$t worry, we won$t say nothing that would send you "ac# to the %oint. 0ut the ga"acho #eeps pushin me. 4hat can 2 doG( And then, suddenly noticing a !agrant gringo near"y, he finishes the whole story in rapid, angry Spanish. There are a lot of ex cons in the Bo!ement now, along with a whole new element the "Aatos 2ocos." And the only difference, really, is that the ex cons are old enough to ha!e done time for the same things the batos locos ha!en$t "een arrested for, yet. Another difference is that the ex cons are old enough to fre&uent the action "ars along 4hittier, while most of the batos locos are still teenagers. They drin# hea!ily, "ut not in the 0oule!ard or the Sil!er 1ollar. Cn Friday night you will find them sharing &uarts of sweet ,ey /argo in the dar#ness of some playground in the housing pro%ect. And along with the wine, they eat Seconal which is massi!ely a!aila"le in the "arrio, and also cheap9 a "uc# or so for a rac# of fi!e reds, enough to fuc# an'bod' up. Seconal is one of the few drugs on the mar#et Elegal or otherwiseF that is flat guaranteed to turn you mean. )specially with wine on the side and a few (whites,( "ennies, for a chaser. This is the #ind of diet that ma#es a man want to go out and stomp people. . . the only other people 2$!e e!er seen hea!ily into the redJwhiteJwine diet are the Hell$s Angels. The results are a"out the same. The Angels would get loaded and then snarl around loo#ing for some"ody to chain whip. The batos locos get loaded and start loo#ing for their own #ind of action E"urning a store, rat pac#ing a nigger, or stealing some cars for a night of high speed cruising on the freewaysF. The action is almost always illegal, usually !iolent "ut only recently has it "ecome (political.( .erhaps the main Bo!ementJfocus in the "arrio these days is the politicalization of the batos

85 locos. The term translates literally as (crazy guys,( "ut in harsh political terms it translates as (street crazies,( teenage wildmen who ha!e nothing to lose except their hostility and a !ast sense of doom and "oredom with the world as they #now it. (These guys aren$t afraid of the pigs,( a Chicano acti!ist told me. (Hell, they like a fight with the pigs. They "ant it. And there$s a hell of a lot of $em, man. Bay"e two hundred thousand. 2f we can organize these guys, man, we can mo!e on an'bod'.( 0ut the batos locos are not easily organized. For one thing, they$re hopelessly ignorant a"out politics. They hate politicians e!en Chicano politicians. They are also !ery young, !ery hostile, and when you get them excited they are li#ely to do almost anything especially when they$re full of wine and reds. Cne of the first o!ert attempts to "ring the batos locos into the new Chicano politics was the mass rally against police "rutality last Aanuary ?6st. The organizers too# great care to ma#e sure the thing would "e peaceful. The word went out all o!er the "arrio that (this one has to "e cool no riot, no !iolence.( A truce was arranged with the )ast /.A. sheriff$s department' the cops agreed to (#eep a low profile,( "ut they nonetheless sand "agged and "arricaded the sheriff$s su"station right next to the site of the rally in 0el!edere .ar#. 4riting in The Nation, a Chicago priest named 1a!id F. *omez descri"ed the scene as the rally gathered steam9 (1espite the tension, a fiesta atmosphere pre!ailed as Chicanos sat on the scarred grass of the par#$s soccer field and listened while "arrio spea#ers aired grie!ances of police "rutality and the gringo occupation of Aztlan. Cscar Acosta ga!e the most rousing tal# of the afternoon. *)a es tiem&o. The time is nowI There$s only one issue. Not police a"use. 4e are going to "e clu""ed o!er the head for as long as we li!e "ecause we$re ChicanosI The real issue is nuestra tierra! our land. Some people call us re"els and re!olutionaries. 1on$t "elie!e it. )miliano Papata was a re!olutionary "ecause he fought against other Bexicans. 0ut we are not fighting our own people "ut gringosI 4e are not trying to o!erturn our own go!ernment. 4e don$t ha!e a go!ernmentI 1o you thin# there would "e police helicopters patrolling our communities day and night if any"ody considered us real citizens with rightsI$( The rally was peaceful all the way to the end. 0ut then, when fighting "ro#e out "etween a handful of Chicanos and %ittery cops, nearly a thousand young batos locos reacted "y ma#ing a frontal assault on the cop head&uarters with roc#s, "ottles, clu"s, "ric#s and e!erything else they could find. The cops withstood the attac# for a"out an hour, then swarmed out of the place with a stunning show of force that included firing deadly "uc#shot "alls out of 6@ gauge shotguns straight into the crowd. The attac#ers fled through the "ac#streets to 4hittier 0oule!ard, and trashed the street again. The cops pursued, firing shotguns and pistols at point "lan# range. After two hours of street warfare, the toll was one dead, ?:? serious in%uries and a little less than a half million dollars$ worth of damage including 8> "urned and "attered police cars. The entire /.A. power structure was outraged. And the Chicano Boratorium Committee was aghast. The rally$s main organizer @; year old +osalio Bunoz, a former president of the -C/A student "ody was so shoc#ed "y the out"urst that he reluctantly agreed with the sheriff that any further mass rallies would "e too dangerous. (4e will ha!e to find a new way of expressing grie!ances,( said a spo#esman for the more moderate Congress of Bexican American -nity. (From now on the course will "e to play a low profile.( 0ut no"ody spo#e for the batos locos except may"e the sheriff. (This !iolence was not caused "y outsiders,( he said, ("ut "y mem"ers of the Chicano communityI They can$t say we pro!o#ed them this time.( This was a definite switch from the standard "rand cop analysis of (Bexican !iolence.( 2n the past they had always "lamed it on (Communists and Cutside Agitators.( 0ut now, it seemed, the sheriff was finally catching on. The real enemy was the same people his men had to deal with e!ery goddamn day of the wee#, in all #inds of routine situations on street corners, in "ars, domestic "rawls and car accidents. The gente! the street people, the ones who live there. So in the end, "eing a sheriff$s deputy in )ast /.A. was not much different from "eing a point man for the American 1i!ision in Dietnam. ()!en the #ids and old women are DC.(

86 This is the new drift, and e!ery"ody in )ast /.A. who$s willing to tal# a"out it uses the term (since Salazar.( 2n the six months since the murder and the unsettling coroner$s in&uest that followed it up, the Chicano community has "een harshly sundered "y a completely new #ind of polarization, another painful amoe"a trip. 0ut the split this time was not "etween the young militants and the old Tio Tacos' this time it was "etween student type militants and this whole new "reed of super militant street crazies. The argument was no longer "hether to fight "ut 4hen, and How, and with 4hat 4eapons. Another aw#ward aspect of the new split was that it was had "een painful, "ut essentially simple9 now it was more no longer a simple matter of (the generation gap( more than a conflict of life styles and attitudes' the di!ision this time was more along economic, or class lines. And this was painfully complex. The original student acti!ist had "een militant, "ut also reasona"le in their own eyes, if not in the eyes of the law. 0ut the batos locos ne!er e!en pretended to "e reasona"le. They wanted to get it on, and the sooner the "etter. Anytime, anywhere9 Aust gi!e us a reason to wor# out on the pig, and we$re ready. This attitude created definite pro"lems within the mo!ement. The street people had right instincts, said the leadership, "ut they were not wise. They had no program' only !iolence and !engeance which was wholly understanda"le, of course, "ut how could it "ork. How could the traditionally sta"le Bexican American community gain anything, in the long run, "y declaring total war on the ga"acho power structure and meanwhile purging its own nati!e vendidos. APT/ANI 2ove it or leave it. sign at /hicago rall' +u"en Salazar was #illed in the wa#e of a 4atts style riot that erupted when hundreds of cops attac#ed a peaceful rally in /aguna .ar#, where <::: or so li"eralJstudentJacti!ist type Chicanos had gathered to protest the drafting of (Aztlan citizens( to fight for the -S in Dietnam. The police suddenly appeared in /aguna .ar#, with no warning, and (dispersed the crowd( with a "lan#et of tear gas, followed up "y a Chicago style mop up with "illyclu"s. The crowd fled in panic and anger, inflaming hundreds of young spectators who ran the few "loc#s to 4hittier 0oule!ard and "egan trashing e!ery store in sight. Se!eral "uildings were "urned to the ground' damage was estimated at somewhere around a million dollars. Three people were #illed, =: in%ured "ut the central incident of that August @7th, 678: rally was the #illing of +u"en Salazar. And six months later, when the National Chicano Boratorium Committee felt it was time for another mass rally, they called it to (carry on the spirit of +u"en Salazar.( There is irony in this, "ecause Salazar was no"ody$s militant. He was a professional %ournalist with ten years of experience on a !ariety of assignments for the neo li"eral /os Angeles Times. He was a nationally #nown reporter, winning prizes for his wor# in places li#e Dietnam, Bexico City and the 1ominican +epu"lic. +u"en Salazar was a !eteran war correspondent, "ut he had ne!er shed "lood under fire. He was good, and he seemed to li#e the wor#. So he must ha!e "een slightly "ored when the Times called him "ac# from the war zones, for a raise and a well deser!ed rest co!ering (local affairs.( He focused on the huge "arrio %ust east of city hall. This was a scene he had ne!er really #nown, despite his Bexican American heritage. 0ut he loc#ed into it almost instantly. 4ithin months, he had narrowed his wor# for the Times down to a once a wee# column for the newspaper, and signed on as News 1irector for ,B)T TD the (Bexican American station,( which he &uic#ly transformed into an energetic, aggressi!ely political !oice for the whole Chicano community. His co!erage of police acti!ities made the )ast /os Angeles sheriffs department so unhappy that they soon found themsel!es in a sort of running pri!ate argument with this man Salazar, this Spic who refused to "e reasona"le. 4hen Salazar got onto a routine story li#e some

87 worthless #id named +amirez getting "eaten to death in a %ail fight, he was li#ely to come up with almost anything including a series of hard hitting news commentaries strongly suggesting that the !ictim had "een "eaten to death "y the %ailers. 2n the summer of 678: +u"en Salazar was warned three times, "y the cops, to (tone down his co!erage.( And each time he told them to fuc# off. This was not common #nowledge in the community until after he was murdered. 4hen he went out to co!er the rally that August afternoon he was still a (Bexican American %ournalist.( 0ut "y the time his "ody was carried out of the Sil!er 1ollar, he was a stone Chicano martyr. Salazar would ha!e smiled at this irony, "ut he would not ha!e seen much humor in the way the story of his death was handled "y the cops and the politicians. Nor would he ha!e "een pleased to #now that almost immediately after his death his name would "ecome a "attle cry, prodding thousands of young Chicanos who had always disdained (protest( into an undeclared war with the hated gringo police. His paper, the /.A. Times, carried the account of its former foreign correspondent$s death on its Bonday front page9 (Bexican American newsman +u"en Salazar was #illed "y a "ullet li#e tear gas shell fired "y a sheriff$s deputy into a "ar during rioting Saturday in )ast /os Angeles.( The details were hazy, "ut the new, hastily re!ised police !ersion was clearly constructed to show that Salazar was the !ictim of a +egretta"le Accident which the cops were not aware of until many hours later. Sheriff$s deputies had cornered an armed man in a "ar, they said, and when he refused to come out e!en after (loud warnings( Ewith a "ull hornF (to e!acuate( (the tear gas shells were fired and se!eral persons ran out the "ac# door.( At that time, according to the sheriff$s ner!ous mouthpiece, /t. Norman Hamilton, a woman and two men one carrying a 8.=< automatic pistol were met "y deputies, who &uestioned them. (2 don$t #now whether the man with the gun was arrested on a weapons !iolation or not,( Hamilton added. +u"en Salazar was not among those persons who ran out the "ac# door. He was lying on the floor, inside, with a huge hole in his head. 0ut the police didn$t #now this, /ieutenant Hamilton explained, "ecause, (they didn$t enter the "ar until approximately > .B, when rumors "egan circulating that Salazar was missing,( and (an unidentified man across the street from the "ar( told a deputy, (2 thin# there$s an in%ured man in there.( (At this point,( said Hamilton, (deputies #noc#ed down the door and found the "ody.( Two and a half hours later at 6:9;: .B, the sheriff$s office admitted that (the "ody( was +u"en Salazar. (Hamilton could not explain,( said the Times! (why two accounts of the incident gi!en to the Times "y a!owed eyewitnesses differed from the sheriff$s accounts.( For a"out @; hours Hamilton clung grimly to his original story a composite, he said, of firsthand police accounts. According to this !ersion, +u"en Salazar had "een (#illed "y errant gunfire. . . during the height of a sweep of more than 8::: people in E/agunaF .ar# when police ordered e!eryone to disperse.( /ocal TD and radio newscasts offered sporadic !ariations on this theme citing reports (still under in!estigation( that Salazar had "een shot accidentally "y careless street snipers. 2t was tragic, of course, "ut tragedies li#e this are ine!ita"le when crowds of innocent people allow themsel!es to "e manipulated "y a handful of !iolent, cop hating anarchists. 0y late Sunday, howe!er, the sheriff$s story had collapsed completely in the face of sworn testimony from four men who were standing within ten feet of +u"en Salazar when he died in the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe at ;:;< 4hittier 0oule!ard, at least a mile from /aguna .ar#. 0ut the real shoc#er came when these men testified that Salazar had "een #illed not "y snipers or errant gunfire "ut "y a cop with a deadly tear gas "azoo#a. Acosta had no trou"le explaining the discrepancy. (They$re lying,( he said. $They murdered Salazar and now they$re trying to co!er it up. The sheriff already panic#ed. All he can say is, $No comment.$ He$s ordered e!ery cop in the county to sa' nothing to any"ody especially the press.

88 They$!e turned the )ast /.A. sheriff$s station into a fortress. Armed guards all around it.( He laughed. (Shit, the place loo#s li#e a prison "ut with all the cops inside+" Sheriff .eter A. .itchess refused to tal# to me when 2 called. The rude aftermath of the Salazar #illing had apparently unhinged him completely. Cn Bonday he called off a scheduled press conference and instead issued a statement, saying, (There are %ust too many conflicting stories, some from our own officers, as to what happened. The sheriff wants an opportunity to digest them "efore meeting with newsmen.( 2ndeed. Sheriff .itchess was not alone in his ina"ility to digest the gar"led swill that his office was doling out. The official !ersion of the Salazar #illing was so crude and illogical e!en after re!isions that not e!en the sheriff seemed surprised when it "egan to fall apart e!en "efore Chicano partisans had a chance to attac# it. 4hich they would, of course. The sheriff had already got wind of what was coming9 many eyewitnesses, sworn statements, first hand accounts all of them hostile. The history of Chicano complaints against cops in )ast /.A. is not a happy one. (The cops ne!er lose,( Acosta told me, (and they won$t lose this one either. They %ust murdered the only guy in the community they were really afraid of, and 2 guarantee you no cop will e!er stand trial for it. Not e!en for manslaughter.( 2 could accept that. 0ut it was difficult, e!en for me, to "elie!e that the cops had #illed him deli"erately. 2 #new they were capa"le of it, "ut 2 was not &uite ready to "elie!e they had actually done it. . . "ecause once 2 "elie!ed that, 2 also had to accept the idea that they are prepared to #ill any"ody who seemed to "e annoying them. )!en me. As for Acosta$s charge of murder, 2 #new him well enough to understand how he could ma#e that charge &ublicl'. . . 2 also #new him well enough to he sure he wouldn$t try to hang that #ind of monstrous "ullshit on me. So our phone tal# naturally distur"ed me. . . and 2 fell to "rooding a"out it, hung on my own dar# suspicions that Cscar had told me the truth. Cn the plane to /.A. 2 tried to ma#e some #ind of a case either pro or con from my "undle of notes and news clips relating to Salazar$s death. 0y that time at least six reportedly relia"le witnesses had made sworn statements that differed drastically, on se!eral crucial points, with the original police !ersion which no"ody "elie!ed anyway. There was something !ery distur"ing a"out the sheriff$s account of that accident' it wasn$t e!en a good lie. 4ithin hours after the Times hit the streets with the news that +u"en Salazar had in fact "een #illed "y cops rather than street snipers the sheriff unleashed a furious assault on (#nown dissidents( who had floc#ed into )ast /os Angeles that wee#end, he said, to pro!o#e a disastrous riot in the Bexican American community. He praised his deputies for the s#illful zeal they displayed in restoring order to the area within two and a half hours, (thus a!erting a ma%or holocaust of much greater proportions.( .itchess did not identify any (#nown dissidents,( "ut he insisted that they had committed (hundreds of pro!ocati!e acts.( For some reason the sheriff failed to mention that his deputies had already %ailed one of the most prominent Chicano militants in the nation. (Cor#y( *onzales had "een arrested during Saturday$s riot on a !ariety of charges that the police ne!er really explained. *onzales, fleeing the com"at zone on a flat"ed truc# with @> others, was arrested first for a traffic !iolation, then on a concealed weapons charge and finally for (suspicion of ro""ery( when police found L?:: in his poc#et. .olice 2nspector Aohn ,insling said it was a (routine( "oo#ing. (Any time we stop a traffic case and find that there is a weapon in the car and that its occupants ha!e a sizea"le amount of money,( he said, (we always "oo# them for suspicion of ro""ery.( *onzales ridiculed the charge, saying, (Anytime a Bexican is found with more than L6:: he$s charged with a felony.( The police had originally claimed he was carrying a loaded pistol and more than 6::: rounds of ammunition, along with many spent cartridges "ut "y 4ednesday all

89 felony charges had "een dropped. As for (ro""ery,( *onzales said, (Cnly a lunatic or a fool could "elie!e that @7 people would ro" a place and then %ump on a flat"ed truc# to ma#e their getaway.( He had clim"ed a"oard the truc# with his two children, he said, to get them away from the cops who were gassing the rally, to which he$d "een in!ited as one of the main spea#ers. The L?::, he said, was expense money for himself and his children for meals in /.A. and three round trip "us tic#ets from 1en!er to /.A. That was the extent of Cor#y *onzales$ in!ol!ement in the Salazar incident, and at a glance it seems hardly worth mentioning except for a rumor on the /os Angeles lawyers$ grape!ine that the ro""ery charge was only a ruse, a necessary holding action, to set *onzales up for a (Chicano Se!en( conspiracy "ust charging that he came from 1en!er to /os Angeles with the intention of causing a riot. 0oth Sheriff .itchess and /os Angeles .olice Chief )dward 1a!is were &uic# to seize on this theory. 2t was the perfect tool for this pro"lem9 not only would it frighten the local Chicanos and hamstring nationally #nown militants li#e *onzales, "ut it could also "e used to create a sort of (red menace( smo#escreen to o"scure the nasty realities of the +u"en Salazar #illing. The sheriff fired the first sal!o, which earned him a giant "anner headline in Tuesday$s /.A. Times and a hea!y pro police editorial in 4ednesday$s Herald )xaminer. Beanwhile, Chief 1a!is launched a second "last from his listening post in .ortland, where he had gone to !ent his wisdom at the American /egion con!ention. 1a!is "lamed all the !iolence, that Saturday, on a (hard core group of su"!ersi!es who infiltrated the anti war rally and turned it into a mo",( which soon ran wild in a frenzy of "urning and looting. $Ten months ago,( he explained, (the Communist .arty in California said it was gi!ing up on the "lac#s to concentrate on the Bexican Americans.( Nowhere in the Herald editorial and nowhere in either statement "y the sheriff and the police chief was there any mention of the name +u"en Salazar. The Herald, in fact, had "een trying to ignore the Salazar story from the !ery "eginning. )!en in Sunday$s first story on the riot long "efore any (complications( de!eloped the classic Hearst mentality was e!ident in the paper$s full page headline9 ()ast /os Angeles .eace +ally )xplodes in 0loody Diolence. . . Ban Shot to 1eath' 0uildings /ooted, 0urned.( Salazar$s name appeared "riefly, in a statement "y a spo#esman for the /.A. County sheriff$s department a calm and confident assertion that the (!eteran reporter( had "een shot in /aguna .ar#, "y persons un#nown, in the midst of a "loody clash "etween police and militants. So much for +u"en Salazar. And so much for the /os Angeles Herald )xaminer a genuinely rotten newspaper that claims the largest circulation of any afternoon daily in America. As one of the few remaining Hearst organs, it ser!es a per!erted purpose in its role as a monument to e!erything cheap, corrupt and !icious in the realm of %ournalistic possi"ility. 2t is hard to understand, in fact, how the shri!eled Hearst management can still find enough gimps, "igots and deranged .apists to staff a rotten paper li#e the Herald. 0ut they manage, somehow. . . and they also manage to sell a lot of ad!ertising in the monster. 4hich means the thing is actually "eing read, and perhaps ta#en seriously, "y hundreds of thousands of people in America$s second largest city. At the top of 4ednesday$s editorial page right next to the +ed Benace warning was a large cartoon titled (At the 0ottom of it All.( 2t showed a flaming Boloto! coc#tail crashing through a window, and on the "ottom Dbottom! get itGF of the "ottle is a hammer and sic#le em"lem. The editorial itself was a faithful echo of the 1a!is .itchess charges9 (Bany of the dissidents came here from other cities and states to %oin agitators in /os Angeles to set off a ma%or riot, which was planned in ad!ance. . . That the holocaust did not erupt into greater proportions is due to the "ra!ery and tactics of the sheriff$s deputies. . . Those arrested should "e (prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. .recautions must "e dou"led to pre!ent a recurrence of such criminal irresponsi"ility.( The continued existence of the Hearst )xaminer explains a lot a"out the mentality of /os Angeles and also, perhaps, a"out the murder of

90 +u"en Salazar. So the only way to go was to reconstruct the whole thing on the "asis of a!aila"le eyewitness testimony. The police refused to say anything at all especially to the press. The sheriff was sa!ing (the truth( for the official coroner$s in&uest. Beanwhile, e!idence was "uilding up that +u"en Salazar had "een murdered either deli"erately or for no reason at all. The most damaging anti cop testimony thus far had come from *uillermo +estrepo, a @> year old reporter and newscaster for ,B)T TD, who was co!ering the (riot( with Salazar that afternoon, and who had gone with him into the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe (to ta#e a lea# and drin# a &uic# "eer "efore we went "ac# to the station to put the story together.( +estrepo$s testimony was solid enough on its own to cast a filthy shadow on the original police !ersion, "ut when he produced two more eyewitnesses who told exactly the same story, the sheriff a"andoned all hope and sent his scriptwriters "ac# to the sty. *uillermo +estrepo is well #nown in )ast /.A. a familiar figure to e!ery Chicano who owns a TD set, +estrepo is the out front pu"lic face of ,B)T TD news. . . and +u"en Salazar, until August 67, 678:, was the man "ehind the news the editor. They wor#ed well together, and on that Saturday when the Chicano (peace rally( turned into a 4atts style street riot, "oth Salazar and +estrepo decided that it might "e wise if +estrepo a nati!e Colom"ian "rought two of his friends Ealso Colom"iansF to help out as spotters and de facto "odyguards. Their names were *usta!o *arcia, age ?:, and Hector Fa"io Franco, also ?:. 0oth men appear in a photograph Eta#en seconds "efore Salazar was #illedF of a sheriff$s deputy pointing a shotgun at the front door of the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe. *arcia is the man right in front of the gun. 4hen the picture was ta#en he had %ust as#ed the cop what was going on, and the cop had %ust told him to get "ac# inside the "ar if he didn$t want to "e shot. The sheriff$s office was not aware of this photo until three days after it was ta#en along with a dozen others "y two more eyewitnesses, who also happened to "e editors of /a +aza, a militant Chicano newspaper that calls itself (the !oice of the )ast /.A. "arrio.( EActually, it is one of se!eral9 The 0rown 0erets pu"lish a monthly ta"loid called /a Causa. The National /a +aza /aw Students$ Association has its own monthly Austicia CI The Socialist 4or#ers .arty co!ers the "arrio with The Bilitant and the )ast /.A. 4elfare +ights Crganization has its own ta"loid /a Causa de los .o"res. There is also Con Safos a &uarterly re!iew of Chicano Art and /iterature.F The photographs were ta#en "y +aul +uiz, a @> year old teacher of /atin American studies at San Fernando Dalley State College. +uiz was on assignment for /a +aza that day when the rally turned into a street war with police. He and Aoe +azo a ?? year old law student with an B.A. in psychology were following the action along 4hittier 0oule!ard when they noticed a tas# force of sheriff$s deputies preparing to assault the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe. Their accounts of what happened there along with +uiz$s photos were pu"lished in /a +aza three days after the sheriff$s office said Salazar had "een #illed a mile away in /aguna .ar#, "y snipers andJor (errant gunfire.( The /a +aza spread was a "om"shell. The photos weren$t much indi!idually, "ut together along with +uizJ+azo$s testimony they showed that the cops were still lying when they came up with their second Ere!isedF !ersion of the Salazar #illing. 2t also !erified the +estrepo *arcia Franco testimony, which had already shot down the original police !ersion "y esta"lishing, "eyond any dou"t, that +u"en Salazar had "een #illed, "y a deputy sheriff, in the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe. They were certain of that! "ut no more. They were puzzled, they said, when the cops appeared with guns and "egan threatening them. 0ut they decided to lea!e anyway "y the "ac# door, since the cops wouldn$t let any"ody out of the front and that was when the shooting started, less than ?: seconds after *arcia was photographed in front of that

91 shotgun "arrel on the sidewal#. The wea#ness in the +estrepo *arcia Franco testimony was so o"!ious that not e!en the cops could miss it. They #new nothing "eyond what had happened inside the Sil!er 1ollar at the time of Salazar$s death. There was no way they could ha!e #nown what was happening outside! or "h' the cops started shooting. The explanation came almost instantly from the sheriffs office once again from /t. Hamilton. The police had recei!ed an (anonymous report,( he said, that (a man with a gun( was inside the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe. This was the extent of their (pro"a"le cause,( their reason for doing what they did. These actions, according to Hamilton, consisted of (sending se!eral deputies( to deal with the pro"lem. . . and they did so "y stationing themsel!es in front of the Sil!er 1ollar and issuing (a loud warning( with a "ullhorn calling all those inside to come outside with their hands a"o!e their heads. There was no response, Hamilton said, so a deputy then fired two tear gas pro%ectiles into the "ar through the front door. At this point two men and a woman fled out the "ac# and one of the men was relie!ed "y waiting deputies of a 8.=< cali"er pistol. He was not arrested not e!en detained and at that point a deputy fired two more tear gas pro%ectiles through the front door of the place. Again there was no response, and after a 6< minute wait one of the "ra!er deputies crept up and s#illfully slammed the front door "ithout entering! Hamilton added. The only person who actually entered the "ar, according to the police !ersion, was the owner, .ete Hernandez, who showed up a"out half an hour after the shooting and as#ed if he could go inside and get his rifle. 4hy notG said the cops, so Hernandez went in the back door and got his rifle out of the rear storeroom a"out <: feet away from where +u"en Salazar$s "ody lay in a fog of rancid CS gas. Then, for the next two hours, some two dozen sheriffs deputies cordoned off the street in front of the Sil!er 1ollar$s front door. This naturally attracted a crowd of curious Chicanos, not all of them friendly and one, an 6> year old girl, was shot in the leg with the same #ind of tear gas "azoo#a that had "lown +u"en Salazar$s head apart. This is a fascinating tale. . . and perhaps the most interesting thing a"out it is that it ma#es no sense at all, not e!en to a person willing to accept it as the a"solute truth. 0ut who could possi"ly "elie!e itG Here, in the middle of a terri"le riot in a hostile ghetto with a Chicano population of more than a million, the /os Angeles sheriff$s department had put e!ery a!aila"le man on the streets in a !ain attempt to control the mass looting and arson "y angry mo"s. . . "ut somehow, with the riots still running in high gear, at least a dozen deputies from the elite Special )nforcement 0ureau Eread TAC S&uadF are instantly a!aila"le in response to an (anonymous report( that (a man with a gun( is holed up, for some reason, in an otherwise &uiet cafe more than ten "loc#s away from the !ortex of the actual rioting. They swoop down on the place and confront se!eral men trying to lea!e. They threaten to #ill these men "ut ma#e no attempt to either arrest or search them and force them all "ac# inside. Then they use a "ullhorn to warn e!ery"ody inside to come out with their hands up. And then, almost instantly after gi!ing the warning, they fire through the open front door of the place and from a distance of no more than 6: feet two highpowered tear gas pro%ectiles designed (for use against "arricaded criminals( and capa"le of piercing a one inch pine "oard at ?:: feet. Then, when a man carrying an automatic pistol tries to flee out the "ac# door, they ta#e his gun and tell him to get lost. Finally, after firing two more gas "om"s through the front door, they seal the place up without e!er entering it and stand around outside for the next two hours, "loc#ing a main "oule!ard and attracting a large crowd. After two hours of this madness, they (hear a rumor( again from an anonymous source that there might "e an in%ured man inside the "ar they sealed off two hours ago. So they ("rea# down the door( and find the "ody of an eminent %ournalist (the only Chicano in )ast /.A.,( according to Acosta, (that the cops were really afraid

92 of.( 2ncredi"le as it seems, the sheriff decided to stic# with this story despite a growing "ody of eyewitness accounts that contradict the police !ersion of (pro"a"le cause.( The police say they went to the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe to arrest that (man with a gun.( 0ut eight days after the #illing they were still trying to locate the source of this fatal tip. Two wee#s later at the coroner$s in&uest, the sheriff$s #ey witness on this critical point mysteriously appeared. He was a <: year old man named Banuel /opez who claimed all credit for the tip with his tale of ha!ing seen two armed men one with a re!ol!er and one carrying a rifle in the port arms position go into the Sil!er 1ollar shortly "efore Salazar was #illed. /opez &uic#ly (motioned to( the sheriff$s officers stationed near"y, he said, and they responded "y par#ing a patrol car directly across the six lane "oule!ard from the Sil!er 1ollar$s front door. Then using a loud "ullhorn, the deputies ga!e two distinct warnings for e!ery"ody in the "ar to (throw out their weapons and come out with their hands o!er their heads.( Then, after a fi!e or ten minute wait, /opez said, three rounds of tear gas were fired at the "ar, with one pro%ectile glancing off the front doorway and two whooshing through a "lac# curtain that was hanging a couple of feet "ac# from the open doorway. 2t was too dar# to see what was happening inside the "ar, /opez added. 0y his own admission at the in&uest, /opez$ "eha!ior on the afternoon of Saturday, August @7th, was somewhat singular. 4hen the riot "ro#e out and mo"s "egan looting and "urning, Br. /opez too# off his shirt, donned a fluorescent red hunting !est and stationed himself in the middle of 4hittier 0oule!ard as a !olunteer cop. He played the role with such zeal and fanatic energy that "y nightfall he found himself famous. At the height of the !iolence he was seen dragging a "us "ench into the middle of the "oule!ard in order to "loc# all traffic and di!ert it off to side streets. He was also seen herding "ystanders away from a "urning furniture store. . . and later, when the riot action seemed o!er, he was o"ser!ed directing a group of sheriff$s deputies toward the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe. 2ndeed, there was no arguing with his claim two wee#s later that he had "een right in the middle of things. His testimony at the in&uest sounded perfectly logical and so finely informed that it was hard to understand how such a prominent extro!erted witness could possi"ly ha!e escaped "eing &uoted or at least mentioned "y the dozens of newsmen, in!estigators and assorted tipsters with access to the Salazar story. /opez$ name had not e!en "een mentioned "y the sheriff$s office, which could ha!e sa!ed itself a lot of unnecessary pu"lic grief "y e!en hinting that they had a witness as !alua"le as Banuel /opez. They had not "een reluctant to display their other two (friendly( witnesses neither of whom had seen any (men with guns,( "ut they "oth "ac#ed the /opez !ersion of the actual shooting se&uence. Cr at least they "ac#ed it until the cops produced /opez. Then the other two witnesses refused to testify at the coroner$s in&uest and one of them admitted that his real name was 1a!id +oss +icci, although the police introduced him originally as (+ic# 4ard.( The Salazar in&uest rum"led on for 6= days, attracting large crowds and li!e TD co!erage from start to finish. E2n a rare demonstration of non profit unity, all se!en local TD stations formed a com"ine of sorts, assigning the co!erage on a rotating "asis, so that each day$s proceedings appeared on a different channel.F The /.A. Times co!erage "y .aul Houston and 1a!e Smith was so complete and often so rife with personal intensity that the collected SmithJHouston file reads li#e a finely detailed non fiction no!el. +ead separately, the articles are merely good %ournalism. 0ut as a document, arranged chronologically, the file is more than the sum of its parts. The main theme seems to emerge almost reluctantly, as "oth reporters are dri!en to the o"!ious conclusion that the sheriff, along with his deputies and all his official allies, ha!e "een l'ing all along. This is ne!er actually stated, "ut the e!idence is o!erwhelming.

93 A coroner$s in&uest is not a trial. 2ts purpose is to determine the circumstances surrounding a person$s death not who might ha!e #illed him, or why. 2f the circumstances indicate foul play, the next step is up to the 1.A. 2n California a coroner$s %ury can reach only two possi"le !erdicts9 That the death was (accidental,( or that it was (at the hands of another.( And in the Salazar case, the sheriff and his allies needed a !erdict of (accidental.( Anything else would lea!e the case open not only to the possi"ility of a murder or manslaughter trial for the deputy, Tom 4ilson, who finally admitted firing the death weapon' "ut also to the threat of a million dollar negligence lawsuit against the County "y Salazar$s widow The !erdict finally hinged on whether or not the %ury could "elie!e 4ilson$s testimony that he fired into the Sil!er 1ollar at the ceiling in order to ricochet a tear gas shell into the rear of the "ar and force the armed stranger inside to come out the front door. 0ut somehow +u"en Salazar had managed to get his head in the way of that carefully aimed shell. 4ilson had ne!er "een a"le to figure out, he said, what went wrong. Nor could he figure out how +aul +uiz had managed to (doctor( those photographs that made it loo# li#e he and at least one other deputy were aiming their weapons straight into the Si!ler 1ollar, pointing them directly at people$s heads. +uiz had no trou"le explaining it. His testimony at the in&uest was no different than the story he had told me %ust a few days after the murder. And when the in&uest was o!er there was nothing in the @:@< pages of testimony from =6 witnesses and @:; exhi"its to cast any serious dou"t on the (Chicano )yewitness +eport( that +uiz wrote for /a +aza when the sheriff was still maintaining that Salazar had "een #illed "y (errant gunfire( during the !iolence at /aguna .ar#. The in&uest ended with a split !erdict. Smith$s lead paragraph in the Ccto"er =th Times read li#e an o"ituary9 (Bonday the in&uest into the death of newsman +u"en Salazar ended. The 6= day in&uiry, "y far the longest and costliest such affair in county history, concluded with a !erdict that confuses many, satisfies few and means little. The coroner$s %ury came up with two !erdicts9 death was $at the hands of another person$ Efour %urorsF and death was "y $accident$ Ethree %urorsF. Thus, in&uests might appear to "e a waste of time.( A wee# later, 1istrict Attorney )!elle Hounger a staunch /aw 3 Crder man announced that he had re!iewed the case and decided that (no criminal charge is %ustified,( despite the unsettling fact that two of the three %urors who had !oted for the (death "y accident( !erdict were now saying they had made a mista#e. 0ut "y that time no"ody really ga!e a damn. The Chicano community had lost faith in the in&uest a"out midway through the second day, and all the rest of the testimony only reinforced their anger at what most considered an e!il whitewash. 4hen the 1.A. announced that no charges would "e filed against 4ilson, se!eral of the more moderate Chicano spo#esmen called for a federal in!estigation. The militants called for an uprising. And the cops said nothing at all. There was one crucial &uestion, howe!er, that the in&uest settled "eyond any reasona"le dou"t. +u"en Salazar couldn$t possi"ly ha!e "een the !ictim of a conscious, high le!el cop conspiracy to get rid of him "y staging an (accidental death.( The incredi"le tale of half mad stupidity and dangerous incompetence on e!ery le!el of the law enforcement esta"lishment was perhaps the most !alua"le thing to come out of the in&uest. No"ody who heard that testimony could "elie!e that the /os Angeles County sheriffs department is capa"le of pulling off a delicate %o" li#e #illing a newsman on &ur&ose. Their handling of the Salazar case from the day of his death all the way to the end of the in&uest raised serious dou"ts a"out the wisdom of allowing cops to wal# around loose on the street. A gee# who can$t hit a @: foot wide ceiling is not what you need, these days, to pull off a nice clean first degree murder. 0ut premeditation is only necessary to a charge of first degree murder. The Salazar #illing was a second degree %o". 2n the terms of Section 6>8 of the California .enal Code and in the political context of )ast /os Angeles in 678:, +u"en Salazar was #illed (unlawfully( and (with

94 malice aforethought.( These are treacherous concepts, and no dou"t there are courts in this country where it might "e argued successfully that a cop has a (lawful( right to fire a deadly tear gas "azoo#a point "lan# into a crowd of innocent people on the "asis of some unfounded suspicion that one of them might "e armed. 2t might also "e argued that this #ind of crazed and murderous assault can "e accomplished without (malice aforethought.( Bay"e so. Bay"e +u"en Salazar$s death can "e legally dismissed as a (police accident,( or as the result of (official negligence.( Bost middle class, white dominated %uries would pro"a"ly accept the idea. 4hy, after all, would a clean cut young police officer deli"erately #ill an innocent "ystanderG Not e!en +u"en Salazar ten seconds "efore his death could "elie!e that he was a"out to ha!e his head "lown off "y a cop for no reason at all. 4hen *usta!o *arcia warned him that the cops outside were a"out to shoot, Salazar said, (That$s impossi"le' we$re not doing anything.( Then he stood up and caught a tear gas "om" in his left temple. The malignant reality of +u"en Salazar$s death is that he was murdered "y angry cops for no reason at all and that the /.A. sheriff$s department was and still is prepared to defend that murder on grounds that it was entirely %ustified. Salazar was #illed, they say, "ecause he happened to "e in a "ar where police thought there was also a (man with a gun.( They ga!e him a chance, they say, "y means of a "ullhorn warning. . . and when he didn$t come out with his hands up, they had no choice "ut to fire a tear gas "azoo#a into the "ar. . . and his head got in the way. Tough luc#. 0ut what was he doing in that place, anywayG /ounging around a noisy Chicano "ar in the middle of a communist riotG 4hat the cops are saying is that Salazar got what he deser!ed for a lot of reasons, "ut mainly "ecause he happened to "e in their way when they had to do their duty. His death was unfortunate, "ut if they had to do it all o!er again they wouldn$t change a note. This is the point they want to ma#e. 2t is a local !ariation on the standard Bitchell Agnew theme9 1on$t fuc# around, "oy and if you want to hang around with people who do, don$t "e surprised when the "ill comes due whistling in through the curtains of some dar#ened "arroom on a sunny afternoon when the cops decide to ma#e an example of some"ody. The night "efore 2 left town 2 stopped "y Acosta$s place with *uillermo +estrepo. 2 had "een there earlier, "ut the air was extremely hea!y. As always, on stories li#e this, some of the troops were getting ner!ous a"out The Stranger Hanging Around. 2 was standing in the #itchen watching Fran# put some tacos together and wondering when he was going to start wa!ing the "utcher #nife in my face and yelling a"out the time 2 Baced him on my porch in Colorado Ethat had "een six months earlier, at the end of a !ery long night during which we had all consumed a large &uantity of cactus products' and when he started wa!ing a hatchet around 2$d figured Bace was the only answer. . . which turned him to %elly for a"out ;< minutes, and when he finally came around he said, (2f 2 e!er see you in )ast /os Angeles, man, you$re gonna wish you ne!er heard the word $Bace,$ "ecause 2$m gonna car!e it all o!er your fuc#in "ody.(F So 2 was not entirely at ease watching Fran# chop ham"urger on a meat "loc# in the middle of )ast /.A. He hadn$t mentioned the Bace, not yet, "ut 2 #new we would get to it sooner or later. . . and 2$m sure we would ha!e, except that suddenly out in the li!ing room some gee# was screaming9 (4hat the hell is this goddamn ga"acho pig writer doing hereG Are we fuc#in cra?' to "e letting him hear all this shitG Aesus, he$s heard enough to put e!ery one of us away for fi!e yearsI( /onger than that, 2 thought. And at that point 2 stopped worrying a"out Fran#. A firestorm was "rewing in the main room "etween me and the door so 2 decided it was a"out time to drift around the corner and meet +estrepo at the Carioca. Fran# ga!e me a "ig smile as 2 left. A man &olice sa' &re'ed on elderl' "omen "as charged Tuesda' "ith one count of murder and <= of robber'. Fra?ier ,e%a'ne Aro"n! EE! a F#foot! =#inch! =GH#&ound former 2os Angeles count' sheriff*s de&ut'! "as arraigned in the same $all of Justice courtroom "here he once "orked as a

95 bailiff. -olice had long been seeking a man "ho befriended elderl' "omen at bus sto&s and later attacked and robbed them. 8vidence against Aro"n included &ossessions taken from victims of strong#arm robberies and found in his home. 2. A. Times ?J?6J86 Se!eral hours later we came "ac#. *uillermo wanted to tal# to Cscar a"out putting pressure on the ,B)T TD management to #eep him E+estrepoF on the air. (They want to get rid of me,( he explained. (They started the pressure the day after +u"en was #illed the next fuc#in dayI( 4e were sitting on the floor in the li!ing room. Cutside, o!erhead, the police helicopter was looping around in the s#y a"o!e 4hittier 0oule!ard, sweeping the neigh"orhood with a giant searchlight "eam that re!ealed nothing and ser!ed no purpose except to dri!e the Chicanos "elow into a seething rage. (Those sons of "itchesI( Acosta muttered. "2ook at that goddamn thingI( 4e had all gone out in the yard to stare up at the monster. There was no way to ignore it. The noise was "ad enough, "ut the pro"ing searchlight was such an o"!ious, outrageous harassment that it was hard to understand how e!en a cop could explain it away as anything "ut deli"erate moc#ery and pro!ocation. (Now tell me,( said Acosta. "%h' are they doing a thing li#e thisG 4hyG Hou thin# they don$t kno" what effect it has on usG( (They #now,( said +estrepo. He lit a cigarette as we went "ac# inside. (/isten,( he said, (2 get a"out fifteen telephone calls e!ery day from people who want to tell me stories a"out what the police ha!e done to them terrible stories. 2$!e "een hearing them for a year and a half, e!ery goddamn day and the funny thing is, 2 ne!er used to "elie!e these people. Not completely. 2 didn$t thin# they were l'ing! %ust exaggerating.( He paused, glancing around the room, "ut no"ody spo#e. +estrepo is not entirely trusted in these &uarters' he is part of the esta"lishment li#e his friend, +u"en Salazar, who "ridged that gap the hard way. (0ut e!er since +u"en,( +estrepo continued, (2 believe these stories. They$re trueI 2 realize that, now "ut what can 2 doG( He shrugged, ner!ously aware that he was tal#ing to people who had made that disco!ery a long time ago. (Aust the other night,( he said, (2 got a call from a man who said the cops #illed his cousin in the yail. He was a homosexual, a young Chicano, no"ody political and the police report said he hung himself in his cell. Suicide. So 2 chec#ed it out. And, man, it made me sic#. This guy$s "ody was all bruises! "lac# and "lue mar#s all o!er him and right across his forehead he had 6= fresh stitches. (The police report said he tried to escape so they had to dominate him. They got him sewed up at the hospital, "ut when they too# him to yail, the warden or yailer or whate!er they call the "astard wouldn$t acce&t him, "ecause he was "leeding so "ad. So they too# him "ac# to the hospital and got a doctor to sign some paper saying he was C, to "e put in the yail. 0ut they had to carr' him. And the next day they too# a picture of him hanging from the end of the top "un# with his own shirt tied around his nec#. (Hou believe thatG Not me. 0ut you tell me what can 2 do. 4here do 2 loo# for the truthG 4ho can 2 as#G The sheriffG *oddamn, 2 can$t go on the air with a story a"out how the cops #illed a guy in the yail unless 2 kno" something for proofI Aesus Christ, we all kno". 0ut %ust to #now is not enough. Hou understand thatG Hou see why 2 ne!er made that story on TDG( Acosta nodded. As a lawyer, he understood perfectly that e!idence is necessar' on the air and in print, as well as in the courtroom. 0ut Fran# was not con!inced. He was sipping from a &uart of sweet ,ey /argo wine, and in fact he didn$t e!en #now who +estrepo was. (Sorry, man,( he$d said earlier. (0ut 2 don$t watch the news on TD.( Acosta winced. $e watches and reads ever'thing. 0ut most of the people around him thin# The News on the TD or radio or newspapers or where!er is %ust another rotten ga"acho tric#. Aust another "ad shuc#, li#e the others. (The news,( to them, is pure propaganda paid for "y the

96 ad!ertisers. (4ho pays the "ill for that "ullshitG( they as#. (4ho$s "ehind itG( 4ho indeedG 0oth sides seemed con!inced that the (real enemy( is a !icious conspiracy of some #ind. The Anglo power structure #eeps telling itself that (the Bexican pro"lem( is really the wor# of a small organization of well trained Communist agitators, wor#ing @< hours a day to transform )ast /.A. into a wasteland of constant !iolence mo"s of drug crazed Chicanos prowling the streets at all times, terrorizing the merchants, hurling fire"om"s into "an#s, looting stores, sac#ing offices and massing now and then, armed with Chinese sten pistols, for all out assaults on the local sheriff$s fortress. A year ago this grim !ision would ha!e "een a "ad %o#e, the crude ra!ings of some paranoid hysterical 0ircher. 0ut things are different now' the mood of the "arrio is changing so fast that not e!en the most militant of the young Chicano acti!ists claim to #now what$s really happening. The only thing e!ery"ody agrees on is that the mood is getting ugly, the le!el of tension is still escalating. The direction of the drift is o"!ious. )!en *o!. +eagan is worried a"out it. He recently named 1anny Dillanue!a, one time #ic#ing specialist for the /os Angeles +ams and now general manager of ,B)T TD, as the *o!ernor$s personal am"assador to the whole Chicano community. 0ut, as usual, +egan$s solution is part of the pro"lem. Dillanue!a is o!erwhelmingly despised "y the !ery people +eagan says he$s (trying to reach.( He is the classic vendido. (/et$s face it,( says a Chicano %ournalist not usually identified with the militants, (1anny is a goddamn pig. +u"en Salazar told me that. Hou #now ,B)T used to "e a good news station for Chicanos. +u"en was the one who did that, and 1anny was afraid to interfere. 0ut within @; hours after +u"en was murdered, Dillanue!a started tearing up the news department. He wouldn$t e!en let +estrepo show films of the cops gassing people in /aguna .ar#, the day after +u"en diedI Now he$s trying to get rid of +estrepo, cut the "alls off the news and turn ,B)T TD "ac# into a safe Tio Taco station. ShitI And he$s getting away with it.( The total castration of ,B)T TD would "e a crippling "low to the Bo!ement. A ma%or media !oice can "e an in!alua"le mo"ilizing tool, particularly in the !ast ur"an sprawl of /os Angeles. All it ta#es is a sympathetic news director with enough le!erage and personal integrity to deal with the news on his own terms. The man who hired +u"en Salazar, former station director Aoe +an#, considered him !alua"le enough to out "id the "lue chip /os Angeles Times for the ser!ices of one of that paper$s ran#ing stars so no"ody argued when Salazar demanded a"solute independence for his ,B)T news operation. 0ut with Salazar dead, the station$s Anglo ownership mo!ed swiftly to regain control of the leaderless news operation. *uillermo +estrepo, Salazar$s heir apparent, suddenly disco!ered that he had no le!erage at all. He was muscled into a straight newscaster$s role. He was no longer free to in!estigate any story that he felt was important. . . 2f the Chicano Boratorium Committee called a press conference to explain why they were organizing a mass rally against (police "rutality,( for instance, +estrepo had to get permission to co!er it. And Chicano acti!ists soon learned that a two minute news feature on ,B)T was crucial to the success of a mass rally, "ecause TD was the only way to reach a mass Chicano audience in a hurry. And no other TD station in /.A. was interested in any #ind of Chicano news except riots. (/osing +u"en was a goddamn disaster for the Bo!ement,( Acosta said recently. (He wasn$t really "ith us, "ut at least he was interested. Hell, the truth is 2 ne!er really li#ed the guy. 0ut he was the only %ournalist in /.A. with real influence who would come to a press conference in the "arrio. That$s the truth. Hell, the only way we can get those "astards to listen to us is "y renting a fancy hotel lounge o!er there in 4est Hollywood or some "ullshit place li#e that where the' can feel comforta"le and hold our press conference there, with free coffee and snac#s for the press. 0ut e!en then, a"out half the shitheads won$t come unless we ser!e free "ooze, too. ShitI 1o you #now what that costs."

97 This was the tone of our con!ersation that night when *uillermo and 2 went o!er to Cscar$s pad for a "eer and some tal# a"out politics. The place was unnaturally &uiet. No music, no grass, no "ad mouth bato loco types hun#ered down on the pallets in the front room. 2t was the first time 2$d seen the place when it didn$t loo# li#e a staging area for some #ind of hellish confrontation that might erupt at any moment. 0ut tonight it was deadly &uiet. The only interruption was a sudden pounding on the door and !oices shouting9 (Hey, man, open up. 2 got some brothers with meI( +udy hurried to the door and peered out through the tiny eyewindow. Then he stepped "ac# and shoo# his head emphatically. (2t$s some guys from the pro%ect,( he told Cscar. (2 #now them "ut they$re all fuc#ed up.( (*od damn it,( Acosta muttered. (That$s the last thine 2 need tonight. *et rid of them. Tell them 2 ha!e to "e in court tomorrow. AesusI 2 have to get some sleepI( +udy and Fran# went outside to deal with the "rothers. Cscar and *uillermo went "ac# to politics while 2 listened, sensing a down hill drift on all fronts. Nothing was going right. The %ury was still out on Cor#y$s case, "ut Acosta was not optimistic. He was also expecting a decision on his *rand Aury challenge in the (0iltmore Six( case. (4e$ll pro"a"ly lose that one, too,( he said. (The "astards thin# they ha!e us on the run now' they thin# we$re demoralized so they$ll #eep the pressure on, #eep pushing.( He shrugged. (And may"e they$re right. Shit. 2$m tired of arguing with them. How long do they expect me to #eep coming down to their goddamn courthouse and "egging for %usticeG 2$m tired of that shit. 4e$re all tired.( He shoo# his head slowly then ripped the poptop out of a 0udweiser that +udy "rought in from the #itchen. (This legal "ullshit ain$t ma#in$ it,( he went on. (The way it loo#s now, 2 thin# we$re %ust a"out finished with that game. Hou #now at the noon recess today 2 had to #eep a "unch of these goddamn batos locos from stomping the 1.A. ChristI That would fuc# me for good. They$ll send me to the goddamn pen for hiring thugs to assault the prosecutorI( He shoo# his head again. (Fran#ly, 2 thin# the whole thing is out of control. *od only #nows where it$s heading, "ut 2 #now it$s going to "e hea!y, 2 thin# may"e the real shit is a"out to come down.( There was no need to as# what he meant "y (hea!y shit.( The "arrio is already plagued "y sporadic fire "om"ings, explosions, shootings and minor !iolence of all #inds. 0ut the cops see nothing (political( in these incidents. Aust "efore 2 left town 2 tal#ed on the phone with a lieutenant at the )ast /.A. sheriff$s office. He was anxious to assure me that the area was totally pacified. (Hou ha!e to remem"er,( he said, (that this has always "een a high crime area. 4e ha!e a lot of trou"le with teen age gangs, and it$s getting worse. Now they$re all running around with .@@ rifles and handguns, loo#ing for fights with each other. 2 guess you could say they$re sort of li#e the 0lac#stone +angers in Chicago, except that our gangs are younger.( (0ut they$re not into politics li#e the "lac# gangs in ChicagoG( 2 as#ed. (Are you #iddingG( he replied. (The only political thing the 0lac#stone +angers e!er did was con some"ody out of a federal grant for a lot of money.( 2 as#ed him a"out some of the stories 2$d heard a"out "om"ings, etc. 0ut he &uic#ly dismissed them as rumors. Then, during the next half hour of random tal#ing a"out things that had happened in the past few wee#s, he mentioned one dynamiting and a "uilding "urned down at )ast /os Angeles College, and also the fire"om"ing of a local vendido politician$s real estate office. (0ut they hit the wrong guy,( the /t. said with a chuc#le. (They "om"ed another realtor who happened to ha!e the same name as the guy they were after.( (Mue malo,( 2 mum"led, lapsing into my own dialect. (0ut aside from all that, you people don$t see real trou"le "rewingG 4hat a"out these rallies that #eep turning into riotsG( (2t$s always the same "unch of trou"lema#ers,( he explained. (They ta#e a crowd that$s gathered for other reasons, and then they su"!ert it.( (0ut that last rally was called to protest &olice brutalit',( 2 said. (And then it turned into a riot. 2 saw the films <: or =: police cars lined up "umper to "umper on 4hittier 0oule!ard,

98 deputies firing shotguns into the crowd. . .( (That was necessar'!" he replied. (That mo" was out of control. They attacked us.( (2 #now,( 2 said. (And let me tell you something else,( he went on. (That rally wasn$t reall' a"out $police "rutality.$ The guy who organized it, +osalio Bunoz, told me he was %ust using that slogan to get people out to the par#.( (4ell, you #now how they are,( 2 said. Then 2 as#ed him if he could gi!e me the names of any Chicano leaders 2 should tal# to if 2 decided to write an article a"out the scene in )ast /.A. (4ell, there$s Congressman +oy"al,( he said. (And that real estate man 2 told you a"out. . .( (The one who got fire "om"edG( (Ch, no,( he replied. (The other guy the one they intended to fire "om".( (C,,( 2 said. (2$ll write those names down. And 2 guess if 2 decide to loo# around the "arrio you guys could help me out, rightG 2s it safe to wal# around out there, with all these gangs running around shooting at each otherG( (No pro"lem,( he said. (4e$ll e!en let you ride around in a radio car with some of the officers.( 2 said that would "e fine. 4hat "etter way, after all, to get the inside storyG Aust spend a few days touring the "arrio in a cop car. .articularly right now, with e!erything calm and peaceful. (4e see no e!idence of any political tension,( the /t. had told me. (4e ha!e a great deal of community support.( He chuc#led. (And we also ha!e a !ery acti!e intelligence "ureau.( (That$s good,( 2 said. (4ell, 2 ha!e to hang up now, or 2$ll miss my plane.( (Ch, then you$!e decided to do the storyG 4hen will you "e in townG( (2$!e "een here for two wee#s,( 2 said. (By plane lea!es in ten minutes.( (0ut 2 thought you said you were calling from San Francisco,( he said. (2 did,( 2 said. (0ut 2 was lying.( Eclic#F 2t was definitely time to lea!e. The last loose end in the Salazar case had "een #notted up that morning when the %ury came "ac# with a (guilty( !erdict for Cor#y *onzales. He was sentenced to (;: days and ;: nights( in the /.A. County %ail for possession of a loaded re!ol!er on the day of Salazar$s death. (4e$ll appeal,( said Acosta, ("ut for political purposes this case is finished. No"ody$s worried a"out Cor#y sur!i!ing ;: days in %ail. 4e wanted to confront the gabacho court system with a man the whole Chicano community #new was technically innocent, then let them draw their own conclusions a"out the !erdict. (Hell, we ne!er denied that somebod' had a loaded pistol in that truc#. 0ut it wasn$t Cor#y. He wouldn$t dare carry a goddamn gun around with him. He$s a leader. He doesn$t ha!e to carry a gun for the same goddamn reason Nixon doesn$t.( Acosta had not stressed that point in the courtroom, for fear of alarming the %ury and inflaming the gringo press. Not to mention the cops. 4hy gi!e them the same #ind of flimsy excuse to shoot at *onzales that they already used to %ustify shooting +u"en SalazarG Cor#y merely shrugged at the !erdict. At ;@, he has spent half his life gouging Austice out of The Ban, and now he !iews the Anglo court system with the &uiet sort of fatalistic humor that Acosta hasn$t learned yet. 0ut Cscar is getting there fast. The wee# of April Fools 1ay, 6786, was a colossal "ummer for him' a series of "ad %olts and set"ac#s that seemed to confirm all his worst suspicions. Two days after Cor#y$s con!iction, Superior Court Audge Arthur Alarcon a prominent Bexican American %urist re%ected Acosta$s carefully constructed motion to &uash the (0iltmore Six( indictments "ecause of (su"conscious, institutional racism( in the *rand Aury system. This effort had ta#en almost a year of hard wor#, much of it done "y Chicano law students who reacted to the !erdict with a "itterness matching Acosta$s.

99 Then, later that same wee#, the /os Angeles 0oard of Super!isors !oted to use pu"lic funds to pay all legal expenses for se!eral policemen recently indicted (for accidentally( #illing two Bexican nationals a case #nown in )ast /.A, as (the murder of the Sanchez "rothers.( 2t was a case of mista#en identity, the cops explained. They had somehow "een gi!en the wrong address of an apartment where they thought (two Bexican fugiti!es( were holed up, so they hammered on the door and shouted a warning to (come out of there with your hands o!er your head or we$ll come in shooting.( No"ody came out, so the cops went in shooting to #ill. 0ut how could they ha!e #nown that they$d attac#ed the wrong apartmentG And how could they ha!e #nown that neither one of the Sanchez "rothers understood )nglishG )!en Bayor Sam Horty and .olice Chief )d 1a!is admitted that the #illings had "een !ery unfortunate. 0ut when the Federal 1.A. "rought charges against the cops, "oth Horty and 1a!is were pu"licly outraged. They "oth called press conferences and went on the air to denounce the indictments in language that strangely echoed the American /egion outcry when /t. *alley was charged with murdering women and children in By /ai. The HortyJ1a!is tirades were so gross that a 1istrict Court %udge finally issued a (gag order( to #eep them &uiet until the case comes to trial. 0ut they had already said enough to whip the whole "arrio into a rage at the idea that Chicano tax dollars might "e used to defend some (mad dog cops( who fran#ly admitted #illing two Bexican nationals. 2t sounded li#e a replay of the Salazar "ullshit9 same style, same excuse, same result "ut this time with different names, and "lood on a different floor. (They$ll put me in %ail if 2 won$t pay taxes,( said a young Chicano watching a soccer game at a local playground, (then ta#e my tax money and use it defend some #iller pig. Hell, what if they had come to my address "y mista#eG 2$d "e dead as hell right now.( There was a lot of tal# in the "arrio a"out (drawing some pig "lood for a change( if the Super!isors actually !oted to use tax funds to defend the accused cops. A few people actually called City Hall and mum"led anonymous threats in the name of the (Chicano /i"eration Front.( 0ut the Super!isors hung tough. They !oted on Thursday, and "y noon the news was out9 The city would pic# up the ta". At <96< .B on Thursday afternoon the /os Angeles City Hall was roc#ed "y a dynamite "last. A "om" had "een planted in one of the downstairs restrooms. No"ody was hurt, and the damage was officially descri"ed as (minor.( A"out L<::: worth, they said small potatoes, compared to the "om" that "lew a wall out of the 1istrict Attorney$s office last fall after Salazar died. 4hen 2 called the sheriff$s office to as# a"out the explosion they said they couldn$t tal# a"out it. City Hall was out of their %urisdiction. 0ut they were more than willing to tal# when 2 as#ed if it was true that the "om" had "een the wor# of the Chicano /i"eration Front. (4here$d you hear thatG( (From the City News Ser!ice.( (Heah, it$s true,( he said. (Some woman called up and said it was done in memory of the Sanchez "rothers, "y the Chicano /i"eration Front. 4e$!e heard a"out those guys. 4hat do 'ou #now a"out themG( (Nothing,( 2 said. (That$s why 2 called the sheriff. 2 thought your intelligence networ# might #now something.( (Sure they do,( he said &uic#ly. (0ut all that information is confidential.( Rolling Stone! K>6, April @7, 6786

100

#reak Po4er +n the Ro,k+es

A %e3o+r an- Ra31l+n* $+s,uss+on F4+th Ru-e Slo*ansG o5 #reak Po4er +n the Ro,k+es. . . on the We+r- %e,han+,s o5 Runn+n* a Takeo2er B+- on a S3all To4n. . . an- a Vul*ar Ar*u3ent 5or Se+z+n* Pol+t+,al Po4er an- s+n* It l+ke a Gun R+ppe- A4a0 5ro3 a Cop. . . 4+th 9an*le- Co33ents on the n,erta+n Role o5 the Hea- an- the A45ul Stupor #a,tor. . . an- !ther $+sor*an+ze- "otes on ;Ho4 to Pun+sh the #at1a,ks,; Ho4 to %ake Sure that To-a0.s P+* Is To3orro4.s !55al. . . an- Wh0 Th+s Craze- "e4 Worl- Can !nl0 Be $ealt 4+th 10. . . A "e4 PosseH (( or(( "Just ho" "eird can 'ou stand it! brother before 'our love "ill crack." Bi#e /ydon in Ram&arts! Barch, 678: Two hours "efore the polls closed we realized that we had no head&uarters no hole or *reat Hall where the faithful could gather for the awful election night deathwatch. Cr to cele"rate the *reat Dictory that suddenly seemed !ery possi"le. 4e had run the whole campaign from a long oa#en ta"le in the Aerome Ta!ern on Bain Street, wor#ing flat out in pu"lic so anyone could see or e!en %oin if they felt ready. . . "ut now, in these final hours, we wanted a "it of pri!acy' some clean, well lighted place, as it were, to hun#er down and wait. . . 4e also needed !ast &uantities of ice and rum and a satchel of "rain rattling drugs for those who wanted to finish the campaign on the highest possi"le note, regardless of the outcome. 0ut the main thing we needed, with dus# coming down and the polls due to close at 8 .B, was an office with se!eral phone lines, for a "lizzard of last minute calls to those who hadn$t yet !oted. 4e$d collected the !oting lists %ust "efore <9:: from our poll watcher teams who$d "een chec#ing them off since dawn and it was o"!ious, from a !ery &uic# count, that the critical Frea# .ower !ote had turned out in force. Aoe )dwards, a @7 year old head, lawyer and "i#e racer from Texas, loo#ed li#e he might, in the waning hours of )lection 1ay in No!em"er 67=7, "e the next mayor of Aspen, Colorado. The retiring mayor, 1r. +o"ert (0uggsy( 0arnard, had "een "roadcasting !icious radio warnings for the pre!ious ;> hours, ra!ing a"out long prison terms for !ote fraud and threatening !iolent harassment "y (phalanxes of poll watchers( for any strange or frea#y loo#ing scum who might dare to show up at the polls. 4e chec#ed the laws and found that 0arnard$s radio warnings were a !iolation of the (!oter intimidation( statutes, so 2 called the 1istrict Attorney and tried to ha!e the mayor arrested at once. . . "ut the 1.A. said, (/ea!e me out of it' police your own elections.( 4hich we did, with finely organized teams of poll watchers9 two inside each polling place at all times, with six more %ust outside in !ans or truc#s full of "eef, coffee, propaganda, chec# lists and "ound Terox copies of all Colorado !oting laws. The idea was to #eep massi!e assistance a!aila"le, at all times, to our point men inside the official !oting places. And the reasoning "ehind this rather hea!y pu"lic act which %olted a lot of people who wouldn$t ha!e !oted for )dwards anyway was our concern that the mayor and his cops would create some #ind of ugly scene, early on, and rattle the underground grape!ine with fear rumors that would scare off a lot of our !oters. Bost of our people were fearful of an' #ind of legal hassle at the polls, regardless of their rights. So it seemed important that we should ma#e it !ery clear, from the start, that we #new the laws and we weren$t going to tolerate an' harrassment of our

101 people. None. )ach poll watcher on the dawn shift was gi!en a porta"le tape recorder with a microphone that he was instructed to stic# in the face of any opposition poll watcher who as#ed anything "eyond the legally allowa"le &uestions regarding Name, Age and +esidence. Nothing else could "e as#ed, under penalty of an o"scure election law relating to (fri!olous challenge,( a little "rother to the far more serious charge of (!oter intimidation.( And since the only person who had actually threatened to intimidate !oters was the mayor, we decided to force the confrontation as soon as possi"le in 4ard 2, where 0uggsy had announced that he would personally stand the first poll watching shift for the opposition. 2f the "uggers wanted a confrontation, we decided to gi!e it to them. The polling place in 4ard 2 was a lodge called the Cresthaus, owned "y an old and infamous SwissJNazi who calls himself *uido Beyer. Bartin 0ormann went to 0razil, "ut *uido came to Aspen arri!ing here se!eral years after the *reat 4ar. . . and e!er since then he has spent most of his energy Eincluding two complete terms as City BagistrateF getting e!en with this country "y mil#ing the tourists and ha!ing young Eor poorF people arrested. So *uido was watching eagerly when the Bayor arri!ed in his par#ing lot at ten minutes to 8, creeping his .orsche through a gauntlet of silent )dwards people. 4e had mustered a half dozen of the scur!iest loo#ing legal !oters we could find and when the Bayor arri!ed at the polls these frea#s were waiting to !ote. 0ehind them, lounging around a coffee dispenser in an old D4 !an, were at least a dozen others, most of them large and "earded, and se!eral so eager for !iolence that they had spent the whole night ma#ing chain whips and loading up on speed to stay crazy. 0uggsy loo#ed horrified. 2t was the first time in his long drug experience that he had e!er laid eyes on a group of non passi!e, super aggressi!e Heads. 4hat had got into themG 4hy were their eyes so wildG And why were they yelling9 (Hou$re fuc#ed, 0uggsy. . . 4e$re going to croa# you. . . Hour whole act is doomed. . . 4e$re going to "eat your ass li#e a gong.( 4ho were theyG All strangersG Some gang of ugly "i#ers or speed frea#s from San FranciscoG Hes. . . of course. . . that "astard )dwards had "rought in a "unch of ringers. 0ut then he loo#ed again. . . and recognized, at the head of the group, his ex drin#along "ar "uddy 0rad +eed, the potter and #nown gun frea#, =$;( and @@:, grinning down through his "eard and "lac# hair flag. . . saying nothing, %ust smiling. . . *reat *od, he #new the others, too. . . there was 1on 1a!idson, the accountant, smooth sha!en and &uite normal loo#ing in a slee# maroon s#i par#a, "ut not smiling at all. . . and who were those girls, those ripe "lond "odies whose names he #new from chance meetings in friendlier timesG 4hat were they doing out here at dawn, in the midst of this menacing mo"G 4hat indeedG He scurried inside to meet *uido, "ut instead ran into Tom 0enton, the hairy artist and #nown +adical. . . 0enton was grinning li#e a crocodile and wa!ing a small "lac# microphone, saying9 (4elcome, 0uggsy. Hou$re late. The !oters are waiting outside. . . Hes, did you see them out thereG 4ere they friendlyG And if you wonder what 3*m doing here, 2$m Aoe )dwards$ poll watcher. . . and the reason 2 ha!e this little "lac# machine here is that 2 want to tape e!ery word you say when you start committing felonies "y harassing our !oters. . .( The Bayor lost his first confrontation almost instantly. Cne of the first o"!ious )dwards !oters of the day was a "lond #id who loo#ed a"out 68. 0uggsy "egan to %a""er at him and 0enton mo!ed in with the microphone, ready to inter!ene. . . "ut "efore 0enton could utter a word the #id "egan snarling at the Bayor, yelling9 (*o fuc# yourself, 0uggsyI )ou figure out how old 2 am. 2 #now the goddam lawI 2 don$t ha!e to show you proof of an'thing+ Hou$re a d'ing man! 0uggsyI *et out of my way. 2$m ready to !oteI( The Bayor$s next "ad encounter was with a !ery hea!y young girl with no front teeth, wearing a "aggy grey T shirt and no "ra. Some"ody had "rought her to the polls, "ut when she got there she was crying actually sha#ing with fear and she refused to go inside. 4e weren$t allowed

102 within 6:: feet of the door, "ut we got word to 0enton and he came out to escort the girl in. She !oted, despite 0uggsy$s protests, and when she came outside again she was grinning li#e she$d %ust clinched )dwards$ !ictory all "y herself. After that, we stopped worrying a"out the Bayor. No goons had shown up with "lac#%ac#s, no cops were in e!idence, and 0enton had esta"lished full control of his turf around the "allot "ox. )lsewhere, in 4ards @ and ?, the frea# !ote was not so hea!y and things were going smoothly. 2n 4ard @, in fact, our official poll watcher Ea drug person with a "eard a"out two feet longF had caused a panic "y challenging dozens of straight !oters. The city attorney called )dwards and complained that some ugly lunatic in 4ard @ was refusing to let a 8< year old woman cast her "allot until she produced a "irth certificate. 4e were forced to replace the man' his zeal was inspiring, "ut we feared he might spar# a "ac#lash. This had "een a pro"lem all along. 4e had tried to mo"ilize a huge underground !ote, without frightening the "urghers into a counterattac#. 0ut it didn$t wor# primarily "ecause most of our "est people were also hairy, and !ery o"!ious. Cur opening shot the midnight registration campaign had "een ramrodded "y "earded heads9 Bi#e Solheim and .ierre /andry, who wor#ed the streets and "ars for head !oters li#e wild %un#ies, in the face of near total apathy. Aspen is full of frea#s, heads, fun hogs and weird night people of e!ery description. . . "ut most of them would prefer %ail or the "astinado to the horror of actually registering to !ote. -nli#e the main "ul# of "urghers and "usinessmen, the dropout has to make an effort to use his long dormant !ote. There is not much to it, no ris# and no more than ten minutes of small tal# and time "ut to the a!erage dropout the idea of registering to !ote is a !ery hea!y thing. The psychic implications, (copping "ac# into the system,( etc., are fierce. . . and we learned, in Aspen, that there is no point e!en trying to con!ince people to ta#e that step unless you can gi!e them a !ery good reason. /i#e a !ery unusual candidate. . . or a fire"all pitch of some #ind. The central pro"lem that we grappled with last fall is the gap that separates the Head Culture from acti!ist politics. Somewhere in the nightmare of failure that gripped America "etween 67=< and 678:, the old 0er#eley "orn notion of "eating The System "y fighting it ga!e way to a sort of num" con!iction that it made more sense in the long run to Flee, or e!en to simply hide, than to fight the "astards on anything e!en !aguely resem"ling their own terms. Cur ten day registration campaign had focused almost entirely on HeadJ1ropout culture' they wanted no part of acti!ist politics and it had "een a hellish effort to con!ince them to register at all. Bany had li!ed in Aspen for fi!e or six years, and they weren$t at all concerned with "eing convicted of !ote fraud they simply didn$t want to "e hassled. Bost of us are li!ing here "ecause we li#e the idea of "eing a"le to wal# out our front doors and smile at what we see. Cn my own front porch 2 ha!e a palm tree growing in a "lue toilet "owl. . . and on occasion 2 li#e to wander outside, star# na#ed, and fire my .;; magnum at !arious gongs 2$!e mounted on the near"y hillside. 2 li#e to load up on mescaline and turn my amplifier up to 66: deci"els for a taste of (4hite +a""it( while the sun comes up on the snow pea#s along the Continental 1i!ide. 4hich is not entirely the point. The world is full of places where a man can run wild on drugs and loud music and firepower "ut not for long. 2 li!ed a "loc# a"o!e Haight Street for two years "ut "y the end of $== the whole neigh"orhood had "ecome a cop magnet and a "ad sideshow. 0etween the narcs and the psychedelic hustlers, there was not much room to li!e. 4hat happened in the Haight echoed earlier scenes in North 0each and the Dillage. . . and it pro!ed, once again, the "asic futility of seizing turf you can$t control. The pattern ne!er !aries' a low rent area suddenly "looms new and loose and human and then fashiona"le, which attracts the press and the cops at a"out the same time. Cop pro"lems attract more pu"licity, which then attracts fad salesmen and hustlers which means money, and that attracts %un#ies and %ac# rollers. Their "ad action causes pu"licity and for some per!erse reason an influx of "ored, upward mo"ile

103 types who dig the menace of (white ghetto( life and whose expense account tastes dri!e local rents and street prices out of reach of the original settlers. . . who are forced, once again, to mo!e on. Cne of the most hopeful de!elopments of the failed HaightJAsh"ury scene was the exodus to rural communes. Bost of the communes failed for reasons that e!ery"ody can see now, in retrospect Eli#e that scene in 8as' Rider where all those poor frea#s were trying to grow their crops in dry sandF "ut the few that succeeded, li#e the Hog Farm in New Bexico, #ept a whole generation of heads "elie!ing that the future lay somewhere outside the cities. 2n Aspen, hundreds of Haight Ash"ury refugees tried to settle in the wa#e of that ill fated (Summer of /o!e( in 67=8. The summer was a wild and incredi"le dope orgy here, "ut when winter came the crest of that wa!e "ro#e and drifted on the shoals of local pro"lems such as %o"s, housing and deep snow on the roads to shac#s that, a few months earlier, had "een easily accessi"le. Bany of the 4est Coast refugees mo!ed on, "ut se!eral hundred stayed' they hired on as carpenters, waiters, "artenders, dish washers. . . and a year later they were part of the permanent population. 0y mid $=7 they occupied most of Aspen$s so called (low cost housing( first the tiny mid town apartments, then out lying shac#s, and finally the trailer courts. So most of the frea#s felt that !oting wasn$t worth the #ind of "ullshit that went with it, and the mayor$s illegal threats only reinforced their notion that politics in America was something to "e a!oided. *etting "usted for grass was one thing, "ecause the (crime( was worth the ris#. . . "ut they saw no sense in going to court for a (political technicality,( e!en if they weren$t guilty. EThis sense of (reality( is a hallmar# of the 1rug Culture, which !alues the 2nstant +eward a pleasant four hour high o!er anything in!ol!ing a time lag "etween the )ffort and the )nd. Cn this scale of !alues, politics is too difficult, too (complex( and too (a"stract( to %ustify any ris# or initial action. 2t is the flip side of the (*ood *erman( syndrome.F The idea of as#ing young heads to (go clean( ne!er occurred to us. They could go dirty, or e!en na#ed, for all we cared. . . all we as#ed them to do was first register and then vote. A year earlier these same people had seen no difference "etween Nixon and Humphrey. They were against the war in Dietnam, "ut the BcCarthy crusade had ne!er reached them. At the grass roots of the 1ropout Culture, the idea of going Clean for *ene was a "ad %o#e. 0oth 1ic# *regory and *eorge 4allace drew unnaturally large chun#s of the !ote in Aspen. +o"ert ,ennedy would pro"a"ly ha!e carried the town, if he hadn$t "een #illed, "ut he wouldn$t ha!e won "y much. The town is essentially +epu"lican9 *C. registrations outnum"er 1emocrats "y more than two to one. . . "ut the com"ined total of "oth ma%or parties %ust a"out e&uals the num"er of registered 2ndependents, most of whom pride themsel!es on "eing totally unpredicta"le. They are a %angled mix of /eftJCrazies and 0irchers' cheap "igots, dope dealers, nazi s#i instructors and spaced off (psychedelic farmers( with no politics at all "eyond self preser!ation. At the end of that frenzied ten day hustle Esince we #ept no count, no lists or recordsF we had no way of #nowing how many half stirred dropouts had actually registered, or how many of those would !ote. So it was a "it of a shoc# all around when, toward the end of that election day, our poll watchers$ tallies showed that Aoe )dwards had already cashed more than ?:: of the ;>= ne" registrations that had %ust gone into the "oo#s. The race was going to "e !ery close. The !oting lists showed roughtly 6:: pro )dwards !oters who hadn$t showed up at the polls, and we figured that 6:: phone calls might raise at least @< of these laggards. At that point it loo#ed li#e @< might ma#e the nut, particularly in a sharply di!ided three way mayor$s race in a town with only 6=@? registered !oters. So we needed those phones. 0ut whereG No"ody #new. . . until a girl who$d "een wor#ing on the phone networ# suddenly came up with a #ey to a spacious two room office in the old )l#s Clu" "uilding. She had once wor#ed there, for a local "usinessman and ex hipster named Craig, who had gone to Chicago on "usiness.

104 4e seized Craig$s office at once, ignoring the howls and curses of the mo" in the )l#s "ar where the out going mayor$s troops were already gathering to cele"rate the !ictory of his hand pic#ed successor. E/egally, there was nothing they could do to #eep us out of the place, although later that night they !oted to ha!e Craig e!icted. . . and he is now running for the State /egislature on a Crush the )l#s platform.F 0y six o$cloc# we had the new head&uarters wor#ing nicely. The phone calls were extremely "rief and direct9 (*et off your ass, you "astardI 4e need youI *et out and !oteI( A"out six people wor#ed the lists and the phones. Cthers went off to hustle the !arious shac#s, lodges, ho!els and communes where we #new there were !oters "ut no phones. The place filled up rapidly, as the word went out that we finally had a head&uarters. Soon the whole second floor of the )l#s Clu" was full of "earded frea#s yelling frantically at each other' strange loo#ing people rushing up and down the stairs with lists, note"oo#s, radios, and cases of 0udweiser. . . Some"ody stuc# a purple spansule in my hand, saying, (*oddamn, you loo# tiredI 4hat you need is a hit of this excellent mescaline.( 2 nodded a"sently and stuc# the thing in one of the @@ poc#ets in my red campaign par#a. Sa!e this drug for later, 2 thought. No point getting crazy until the polls close. . . #eep chec#ing these stin#ing lists, s&ueeze e!ery last !ote out of them. . . #eep calling, pushing, shouting at the "astards, threaten them. . . There was something weird in the room, some #ind of electric madness that 2$d ne!er noticed "efore. 2 stood against a wall with a "eer in my hand and watched the machinery wor#ing. And after a while 2 realized what the difference was. For the first time in the campaign, these people really "elie!ed we were going to win or at least that we had a good chance. And now, with less than an hour to go, they were wor#ing li#e a gang of coal miners sent down to rescue the sur!i!ors of a ca!e in. At that point with my own role ended 2 was pro"a"ly the most pessimistic person in the room' the others seemed entirely con!inced that Aoe )dwards would "e the next Bayor of Aspen. . . that our wild eyed experiment with Frea# .ower was a"out to carry the day and esta"lish a nationwide precedent. 4e were in for a !ery long night waiting for the "allots to "e counted "y hand "ut e!en "efore the polls closed we #new we had changed the whole structure of Aspen$s politics. The Cld *uard was doomed, the li"erals were terrorized and the -nderground had emerged, with terri"le suddenness, on a !ery serious power trip. Throughout the campaign 2$d "een promising, on the streets and in the "ars, that if )dwards won this Bayor$s race 2 would run for Sheriff next year ENo!em"er, 678:F. . . "ut it ne!er occurred to me that 2 would actually ha!e to run' no more than 2$d e!er seriously "elie!ed we could mount a (ta#eo!er "id( in Aspen. 0ut now it was happening. )!en )dwards, a s#eptic from the start, had said on election e!e that he thought we were going to (win "ig.( 4hen he said it we were in his office, sorting out Terox copies of the Colorado election laws for our poll watching teams, and 2 recall "eing stunned at his optimism. (Ne!er in hell,( 2 said. (2f we win at all it$s going to "e damn close li#e @< !otes.( 0ut his comment had %angled me "adly. *od damnI 2 thought. Bay"e we "ill win. . . and what thenG Finally, at around =9?:, 2 felt so useless and self conscious %ust hanging around the action that 2 said what the hell, and left. 2 felt li#e 1agwood 0umstead pacing "ac# and forth in some comic strip !ersion of a maternity ward waiting room. Fuc# this, 2 thought. 2$d "een awa#e and mo!ing around li#e a cannon"all for the last <: hours, and now with nothing else to confront 2 felt the adrenalin sin#ing. *o home, 2 thought, eat this mescaline and put on the earphones, get away from the pu"lic agony. . . At the "ottom of the long wooden stairway from Craig$s office to the street 2 paused for a &uic# loo# into the )l#s Clu" "ar. 2t was crowded and loud and happy. . . a "ar full of winners, li#e

105 always. They had ne!er "ac#ed a loser. They were the "ac#"one of Aspen9 shop owners, cow"oys, firemen, cops, construction wor#ers. . . and their leader was the most popular mayor in the town$s history, a two term winner now "ac#ing his own hand pic#ed successor, a half "right young lawyer. 2 flashed the )l#s a "ig smile and a &uic# D fingered (!ictory( sign. No"ody smiled. . . "ut it was hard to #now if they realized that their man was already croa#ed' in a sudden three way race he had "om"ed early, when the local Contractors$ Association and all their real estate allies had made the painful decision to a"andon *ates, their natural gut choice, and de!ote all their weight and le!erage to stopping the (hippie candidate,( Aoe )dwards. 0y the wee#end "efore election day it was no longer a three way campaign. . . and "y Bonday the only &uestion left was how many mean spirited, +ight "ent shitheads could "e mustered to !ote against Aoe )dwards. The other alternati!e was a << year old lady shop#eeper "ac#ed "y author /eon -ris and the local +epu"lican ma%ority. . . )!e Homeyer, a longtime functionary in the Colorado *C., had spent thousands of dollars on a super chintzy campaign to re create herself in the "oneless image of Bamie )isenhower. She hated stray dogs and motorcycles made her ears ring. .rogress was nice and 1e!elopment was good for the local economy. Aspen should "e made safe for the annual "ig spending !isits of the Atlanta S#i Clu" and the Texas Ca!aliers which meant "uilding a four lane highway through the middle of town and more "loc#house condominiums to humor more tourists. She played Nixon to *ates$ Agnew. 2f the sight of na#ed hippies made her sic#, she wasn$t &uite ready to cut their heads off. She was old and cran#y, "ut not &uite as mean as *ates$ !igilante "ac#ers who wanted a mayor who would gi!e them free rein to go out and "eat the li!ing shit out of any"ody who didn$t loo# li#e natural material for the )l#s$ and )agles$ mem"ership dri!es. And where *ates wanted to turn Aspen into a +oc#y Bountain !ersion of Atlantic City. . . )!e Homeyer only wanted to ma#e it a sort of St. .eters"urg with a 1isneyland o!erlay. (She agreed half"a'! with e!erything /ennie Cates stood for. . . "ut she wanted it made damn clear that she !iewed Aoe )dwards$ candidacy as pure demented lunacy a form of surly madness so wrong and rotten that only the 4retched and the Scum of the )arth could gi!e it a moment$s thought. 4e had already "eaten Cates, "ut 2 was too tired to hassle the )l#s right then, and in some strange way 2 felt sorry for them. They were a"out to "e stomped !ery "adly "y a candidate who agreed with them more than they #new. The people who had reason to fear the )dwards campaign were the su" di!iders, s#i pimps and city "ased land de!elopers who had come li#e a plague of poison roaches to "uy and sell the whole !alley out from under the people who still !alued it as a good place to li!e, not %ust a good in!estment. Cur program, "asically, was to dri!e the real estate goons completely out of the !alley9 to pre!ent the State Highway 1epartment from "ringing a four lane highway into the town and in fact to ban all auto traffic from ever' do"nto"n street. Turn them all into grassy malls where e!ery"ody, e!en frea#s, could do whate!er$s right. The cops would "ecome trash collectors and maintenance men for a fleet of municipal "icycles, for any"ody to use. No more huge, space #illing apartment "uildings to "loc# the !iew, from any downtown street, of any"ody who might want to loo# up and see the mountains. No more land rapes, no more "usts for (flute playing( or ("loc#ing the sidewal#(. . . fuc# the tourists, dead end the highway, zone the greedheads out of existence, and in general create a town where people could li!e li#e human "eings, instead of sla!es to some "ogus sense of .rogress that is dri!ing us all mad. Aoe )dwards$ platform was against the de!elopers, not the old timers and ranchers and it was hard to see, from their arguments, how they could disagree in su"stance with anything we said. . . unless what they were really worried a"out was the !ery good chance that a win "y )dwards would put an end to their options of selling out to the highest "idder. 4ith )dwards, they said, would come horrors li#e Poning and )cology, which would cramp their fine 4estern style, the "uy low, sell high ethic. . . free enterprise, as it were, and the few people who "othered to argue with them soon found that their nostalgic tal# a"out (the good old days( and (the tradition of this peaceful !alley( was only

106 an aw#ward co!er for their fears a"out (socialist thin#ing newcomers.( 4hate!er else the )dwards campaign may or may not ha!e accomplished, we had croa#ed that stupid sentimental gar"age a"out the (land lo!ing old timers.( 2 left the )l#s Clu" "uilding and stopped on Ayman St. for a moment to loo# up at the tall hills around the town. There was already snow on Smuggler, to the north. . . and on 0ell, "ehind /ittle Nell, the s#i trails were dim white trac#s. . . steel toll roads, waiting for Christmas and the "lizzard of fat wallet s#iers who #eep Aspen rich9 )ight dollars a day to s#i on those hills, L6<: for a pair of good s#is, L6@: for the +ight "oots, L=< for a Beggi sweater, L8< for a goose down par#a. . . and L@:: more for poles, glo!es, goggles, hat, soc#s, and another L8: for a pair of s#i pants. . . 2ndeed. The s#i industry is a "ig "usiness. And (apres s#i( is "igger9 L7: a day for an apartment in the Aspen Alps, L@< apiece for a good meal 3 wine in the .aragon. . . and don$t forget the 0ates Floaters Eofficial apres s#i "oot of the -S Clympic team the worst #ind of flimsy shit imagina"le for L?: a pairF. 2t adds up to something li#e an a!erage figure of L<:: a wee# for the typical midwest ding"at who "uys "oth his gear and his style out of .lay"oy. Then you multiply L6:: a day "y the many s#ier days logged in 67=7 8: "y the Aspen S#i Corp, and what you get is a staggering winter gross for a +oc#y Bountain !illage with a real population of %ust o!er @:::. 4hich is only half the story9 The other half is an annual ?: ?< percent growthJprofit %ump on all money fronts. . . and what you see here Eor sa"! prior to Nixon$s economic ad%ustmentsF isJwas a #ing hell gold mine with no end in sight. For the past ten years Aspen has "een the showpieceJmoney hu" of a gold rush that has made millionaires. 2n the wa#e of 4orld 4ar 22, they floc#ed in from Austria and Switzerland Ene!er from *ermany, they saidF to staff the em"ryo ner!eJresort centers of a sport that would soon "e "igger than golf or "owling. . . and now, with s#iing firmly esta"lished in America, the original *erman hustlers are wealthy "urghers. They own restaurants, hotels, s#i slopes and especially !ast chun#s of real estate in places li#e Aspen. After a sa!age, fire suc#ing campaign we lost "y only six E=F !otes, out of 6@::. Actually we lost "y one E6F !ote, "ut fi!e of our a"sentee "allots didn$t get here in time primarily "ecause they were mailed Eto places li#e Bexico and Nepal and *uatemalaF fi!e days "efore the election. 4e came !ery close to winning control of the town, and that was the crucial difference "etween our action in Aspen and, say, Norman Bailer$s campaign in New Hor# which was clearly doomed from the start. At the time of )dwards$ campaign we were not conscious of any precedent. . . and e!en now, in calm retrospect, the only similar effort that comes to mind is 0o" Scheer$s 67== ran for a -S Congress seat in 0er#eleyJCa#land when he challenged li"eral Aeffrey Cohelan and lost "y something li#e two per cent of the !ote. Cther than that, most radical attempts to get into electoral politics ha!e "een colorful, fore doomed efforts in the style of the Bailer 0reslin gig. This same essential difference is already e!ident in 678:, with the sudden rash of assaults on !arious sheriffs$ fiefs. Stew Al"ert got =<,::: !otes in 0er#eley, running on a neo hippie platform, "ut there was ne!er any &uestion of his winning. Another nota"le exception was 1a!id .ierce, a ?: year old lawyer who was actually elected mayor of +ichmond, California Epop. 6::,::: plusF in 67=;. .ierce mustered a huge "lac# ghetto !ote mainly on the "asis of his lifestyle and his promise to ("ust Standard Cil.( He ser!ed, and in fact ran, the city for three years "ut in 67=8 he suddenly a"andoned e!erything to mo!e to a monastery in Nepal. He is now in Tur#ey, en route to Aspen and then California, where he plans to run for *o!ernor. Another was Cscar Acosta, a 0rown .ower candidate for Sheriff of /os Angeles County, who pulled 66:,::: !otes out of something li#e two million. Beanwhile in /awrence, ,ansas, *eorge ,im"all Edefense minister for the local 4hite .anther partyF has already won the 1emocratic primary running unopposed "ut he expects to

107 lose the general election "y at least ten to one. Cn the strength of the )dwards showing, 2 had decided to surpass my pledge and run for sheriff, and when "oth ,im"all and Acosta !isited Aspen recently, they were amazed to find that 2 actually expect to "in my race. A preliminary can!ass shows me running well ahead of the 1emocratic incum"ent, and only slightly "ehind the +epu"lican challenger. The root point is that Aspen$s political situation is so !olatile as a result of the Aoe )dwards campaign that an' Frea# .ower candidate is now a possi"le winner. 2n my case for instance, 2 will ha!e to wor# !ery hard and spew out some really heinous ideas during my campaign to get less than ?: percent of the !ote in a three way race. And an underground candidate who really wanted to win could assume, from the start, a wor#ing nut of a"out ;: percent of the electorate with his chances of !ictory riding almost entirely on his 0ac#lash .otential' or how much acti!e fear and loathing his candidacy might pro!o#e among the "urghers who ha!e controlled local candidates for so long. The possi"ility of !ictory can "e a hea!y millstone around the nec# of any political candidate who might prefer, in his heart, to spend his main energies on a series of terrifying, whiplash assaults on e!erything the !oters hold dear. There are harsh echoes of the Bagic Christian in this techni&ue9 The candidate first creates an impossi"le psychic maze, then he drags the !oters into it and flails them constantly with gi""erish and rude shoc#s. This was Bailer$s techni&ue, and it got him <<,::: !otes in a city of 6: million people "ut in truth it is more a form of !engeance than electoral politics. 4hich is not to say that it can$t "e effecti!e, in Aspen or anywhere else, "ut as a political strategy it is tainted "y a series of disastrous defeats. 2n any e!ent, the Bagic Christian concept is one side of the (new politics( coin. 2t doesn$t wor#, "ut it$s fun. . . unli#e that coin$s other face that emerged in the presidential campaign of *ene BcCarthy and 0o""y ,ennedy in 67=>. 2n "oth cases, we saw esta"lishment candidates claiming conversion to some newer and younger state of mind Eor political realityF that would ma#e them more in tune with a newer, younger and weirder electorate that had pre!iously called them "oth useless. And it wor#ed. 0oth con!ersions were hugely successful, for a while. . . and if the tactic itself seemed cynical, it is still hard to #now, in either case, whether the tactic was father to the con!ersion, or !ice !ersa. 4hich hardly matters, for now. 4e are tal#ing a"out political action formats9 if the Bagic Christian concept is one, then the ,ennedyJBcCarthy format has to &ualify as another. . . particularly as the national 1emocratic .arty is already wor#ing desperately to ma#e it wor# again in 678@, when the 1emos$ only hope of unseating Nixon will again "e some shrewd esta"lishment candidate on the "rin# of menopause who will suddenly start dropping acid in late $86 and then hit the roc# festi!al trail in the summer of $8@. He will doff his shirt at e!ery opportunity and his wife will "urn her "ra. . . and millions of the young will !ote for him, against Nixon. Cr will theyG There is still another format, and this is the one we stum"led on in Aspen. 4hy not challenge the esta"lishment with a candidate they$!e ne!er heard ofG 4ho has ne!er "een primed or prepped or greased for pu"lic officeG And whose lifestyle is already so weird that the idea of (con!ersion( would ne!er occur to himG 2n other words, why not run an honest frea# and turn him loose, on their turf, to show up all the (normal( candidates for the worthless losers they are and always ha!e "eenG 4hy defer to the "astardsG 4hy assume they$re intelligentG 4hy "elie!e they won$t crac# and fold in a crunchG E4hen the Aaps went into Clympic !olley"all they ran a "litz on e!ery"ody using strange "ut maddeningly legal techni&ues li#e the (Aap roll,( the (din# spi#e( and the (lightning "elly pass( that reduced their taller opponents to screaming %elly.F This is the essence of what some people call (the Aspen techni&ue( in politics9 neither opting out of the system, nor wor#ing within it. . . "ut calling its "luff, "y using its strength to turn its "ac# on itself. . . and "y always assuming that the people in power are not smart. 0y the end of the

108 )dwards campaign, 2 was con!inced, despite my lifelong "ias to the contrary, that the /aw was actually on our side. Not the cops, or the %udges or the politicians "ut the actual /aw, itself, as printed in the dull and musty law"oo#s that we constantly had to consult "ecause we had no other choice. 0ut in No!em"er of $=7 we had no time for this #ind of theory tal# or thin#ing. 2 remem"er a list of "oo#s 2 wanted to get and read, in order to learn something a"out politics, "ut 2 "arely had time to sleep, much less to do any reading. As the de facto campaign manager, 2 felt li#e a man who had started some #ind of "loody gang fight "y accident. . . and as the )dwards campaign grew crazier and more !icious, my only real concern was to sa!e my own ass "y warding off a disaster. 2 didn$t #now )dwards at all, "ut "y mid Ccto"er 2 felt personally responsi"le for his future and his prospects, at that point, were not good. 0ill 1unaway, the (li"eral( pu"lisher of the Aspen Times! told me on the morning of election that 2 had (singlehandedly destroyed Aoe )dwards$ legal career in Aspen( "y (forcing him into politics.( This was the li"eral myth that some drug addled egomaniac writer from 4oody Cree# had run amo# on horse tran&uilizers, and then laid his "ad trip on the local Head population. . . who were normally &uite peaceful and harmless, as long as they had enough drugs. 0ut now, for some goddamn reason, they had gone completely wild and they were dragging poor )dwards down with them. +ight. . . poor )dwards9 He was recently di!orced and li!ing with his girlfriend in a local garret, half star!ing for income in a town full of lame dilettante lawyers, and his name was completely un#nown except as (that "astard who sued the city( a year earlier, on "ehalf of two longhairs who claimed the cops were discriminating against them. 4hich was true, and the lawsuit had a terri"le effect on the local police. The Chief Enow a candidate for sheriffF had &uit or "een fired in a rage, lea!ing his patrolmen on pro"ation to a federal %udge in 1en!er who put the suit in lim"o, while warning the Aspen cops that he would "ust the city se!erely at the first sign of (discriminatory law enforcement( against hippies. This lawsuit had se!ere repercussions in Aspen9 The mayor was shac#led, the City Council lost its will to li!e, the City Bagistrate, *uido Beyer, was fired instantly e!en "efore the .olice Chief and the local cops suddenly stopped "usting longhairs for the things li#e ("loc#ing the sidewal#,( which carried a 7: day %ail sentence that summer, along with a L@:: fine. That "ullshit stopped at once, and it has stayed stopped than#s entirely to )dwards$ lawsuit' the local li"erals called an AC/- meeting, and let it go at that. So only a waterhead could ha!e "een surprised when, a year later, a handful of us in search of a mayor candidate decided to call on Aoe )dwards. 4hy notG 2t made perfect sense except to the li"erals, who were not &uite comforta"le with a Frea# .ower candidate. They didn$t mind )dwards, they said, and they e!en agreed with his platform which we had carefully car!ed to their tastes "ut there was something !ery ominous, they felt, a"out the (ra""le( support he was getting9 Not the #ind of people one really wanted to sip !ichyssoise with wild heads, "i#ers and anarchists who didn$t #now Ste!enson and hated Hu"ert Humphrey. 4ho were these peopleG 4hat did they wantG 4hat indeedG The local "usinessmen$s "und was not puzzled. Aoe )dwards, to them, was the leader of a Communist drug plot to destroy their way of life, sell /S1 to their children and Spanish Fly to their wi!es. Ne!er mind that many of their children were already selling /S1 to each other, and that most of their wi!es couldn$t get humped on a "ad night in Auarez. . . that was all "eside the point. The &oint was that a gang of frea#s was a"out to ta#e o!er the town. And why notG 4e had ne!er denied it. Not e!en in the platform which was pu"lic, and &uite mild. 0ut somewhere around the middle of the )dwards campaign e!en the li"erals got a whiff of what his platform really meant. They could see a storm gathering "ehind it, that our carefully reasoned words were only an opening wedge for drastic action. They #new, from long experience,

109 that a word li#e (ecology( can mean almost anything and to most of them it meant spending one day a year with a neigh"orhood clean up crew, pic#ing up "eer cans and sending them "ac# to Coors for a refund that would "e sent, of course, to their fa!orite charity. 0ut (ecology,( to us, meant something else entirely9 4e had in mind a deluge of "rutally restricti!e actions that would permanently cripple not only the o"!ious landrapers "ut also that &uiet ca"al of tweedy li"eral speculators who insist on dealing in pri!ate, so as not to foul up the image. . . /i#e Armand 0artos, the New Hor# (art patron( and %et set fashion pacer often hummed in 4omen$s 4ear 1aily. . . who is also the ownerJ"uilder and oft cursed landlord of Aspen$s "iggest and ugliest trailer court. The place is called (*er"azdale,( and some of the tenants insist that 0artos raises their rents.e!ery time he decides to "uy another .op Art Criginal. (2$m tired of financing that asshole$s art collection,( said one. (He$s one of the most "latant goddam slumlords in the 4estern 4orld. He mil#s us out here, then gi!es our rent money to shitheads li#e 4arhol.( 0artos is in the same league with 4ilton (4in#( Aaffee Ar. a New Hor# stoc#"ro#er recently suspended for unethical manipulation of the mar#et. Aaffee has ta#en great pains to culti!ate his image, in Aspen, as that of an arty progressi!e )astern aesthete. 0ut when the S)C zapped him, he responded "y &uic#ly leasing a chun# of his !ast ranch "etween Aspen and 4oods Cree# to a high powered gra!el crushing operation from *rand Aunction, which immediately "egan grinding up the earth and selling it, "y the ton, to the State Highway 1epartment. And now, after destroying the earth and fouling the +oaring For# +i!er, the swine are demanding a zoning !ariance so they can "uild an asphalt plant. . . on the elegant Aspen estate that 4in# Aaffee no dou"t descri"es &uite often to his progressi!e friends on 4all Street. These, and others li#e them, are the #ind of shysters and horsey hypocrites who pass for (li"erals( in Aspen. So we were not surprised when many of them made a point of withdrawing their support a"out halfway through )dwards$ campaign. At first they had li#ed our words and our fiery underdog stance Efighting the good fight in another hopeless cause, etc.F, "ut when )dwards "egan loo#ing li#e a winner, our li"eral allies panic#ed. 0y noon on election day, the only real &uestion was How Bany /i"erals had Hung Cn. A few had come o!er, as it were, "ut those few were not enough to form the other half of the ner!ous power "ase we had counted on from the start. The original idea had "een to lash together a one shot coalition and demoralize the local moneyJpolitics esta"lishment "y winning a ma%or election "efore the enemy #new what was happening. Aspen$s li"erals are a permanent minority who ha!e ne!er won an'thing! despite their constant struggles. . . and Aspen$s fa"led (underground( is a far larger minority that has ne!er e!en tried to win anything. So &o"er was our first priority. The platform or at least our pu"lic !ersion of it was too intentionally !ague to "e anything "ut a flexi"le, secondary tool for wooing the li"erals and holding our coalition. Cn the other hand, not e!en the handful of people in the powernexus of Aoe )dwards$ campaign could guarantee that he would start sodding the streets and flaying the sheriff %ust as soon as he got elected. He was, after all, a lawyer an e!il tirade, at "est and 2 thin# we all #new, although no"ody e!er said it, that we really had no idea what the "astard might do if he got elected. For all we #new he could turn into a !icious monster and ha!e us all %ailed for sedition. None of us e!en kne" Aoe )dwards. For wee#s we had %o#ed a"out our (ghost candidate( who emerged from time to time to insist that he was the helpless creature of some mysterious .olitical Bachine that had caused his phone to ring one Saturday at midnight, and told him he was running for Bayor. 4hich was more or less true. 2 had called him in a frenzy, full of "ooze and resentment at a rumor that a gaggle of local powermongers had already met and decided who Aspen$s next mayor would "e a giddy old lady would run unopposed "ehind some #ind of lunatic o"scenity they called

110 a (united front,( or (progressi!e solidarity( endorsed "y /eon -ris, who is Aspen$s leading stag mo!ie fan, and who writes "oo#s, li#e 8 odus! to pay his "ills. 2 was sitting in .eggy Clifford$s li!ing room when 2 heard a"out it, and, as 2 recall, we "oth agreed that the fuc#ers had gone too far this time. Someone suggested +oss *riffin, a retired s#i "um and lifelong mountain "eatni# who was going half straight at the time and tal#ing a"out running for the City Council. . . "ut a dozen or so trial "alloon calls con!inced us that +oss wasn$t &uite weird enough to gal!anize the street !ote, which we felt would "e a"solutely necessary. EAs it turned out, we were wrong9 *riffin ran for the Council and won "y a huge margin in a ward full of Heads.F 0ut at the time it seemed necessary to come up with a candidate whose Strange Tastes and .ara /egal 0eha!ior were a"solutely "eyond &uestion. . . a man whose candidacy would torture the outer limits of political gall, whose name would stri#e fear and shoc# in the heart of e!ery "urgher, and whose massi!e unsuita"ility for the %o" would cause e!en the most apolitical drug child in the town$s most degenerate commune to shout, (HesI 2 must vote for that manI( Aoe )dwards didn$t &uite fill that "ill. He was a "it too straight for the acid people, and a little too strange for the li"erals "ut he was the only candidate e!en marginally accepta"le on "oth ends of our un tried coalition spectrum. And @; hours after our first %angled phone tal# a"out (running for Bayor,( he said, (Fuc# it, why notG( The next day was Sunday and The Aattle of Algiers was playing at the 4heeler Cpera House. 4e agreed to meet afterwards, on the street, "ut the hoo#up was difficult, "ecause 2 didn$t #now what he loo#ed li#e. So we ended up milling around for a while, casting sidelong glances at each other, and 2 remem"er thin#ing, Aesus, could that "e him o!er thereG That scur!y loo#ing gee# with the shifty eyesG Shit, he$ll ne!er win anything. . . Finally after aw#ward introductions, we wal#ed down to the old Aerome Hotel and ordered some "eers sent out to the lo""y, where we could tal# pri!ately. Cur campaign %uggernaut, that night, consisted of me, Aim Salter, and Bi#e Solheim "ut we all assured )dwards that we were only the tip of the ice"erg that was going to float him straight into the sea lanes of "ig time power politics. 2n fact, 2 sensed that "oth Solheim and Salter were em"arrassed to find themsel!es there assuring some total stranger that all he had to do was say the word and we would ma#e him Bayor of Aspen. None of us had e!en a "eginner$s #nowledge of how to run a political campaign. Salter writes screenplays D,o"nhill RacerI and "oo#s DA S&ort and a -astimeI. Solheim used to own an elegant "ar called /ead!ille, in ,etchum, 2daho, and his Aspen gig is housepainting. For my part, 2 had li!ed a"out ten miles out of town for two years, doing e!erything possi"le to a!oid Aspen$s fe!erish reality. By lifestyle, 2 felt, was not entirely suited for doing "attle with any small town political esta"lishment. They had left me alone, not hassled my friends Ewith two una!oida"le exceptions "oth lawyersF, and consistently ignored all rumors of madness and !iolence in my area. 2n return, 2 had consciously a!oided writing a"out Aspen. . . and in my !ery limited congress with the local authorities 2 was treated li#e some #ind of half mad cross "etween a hermit and a wol!erine, a thing "est left alone as long as possi"le. So the $=7 campaign was perhaps a longer step for me than it was for Aoe )dwards. He had already tasted political conflict and he seemed to dig it. 0ut my own in!ol!ement amounted to the willful shattering of what had "een, until then, a !ery comforta"le truce. . . and loo#ing "ac# 2$m still not sure what launched me. .ro"a"ly it was Chicago that "rainraping wee# in August of $=>. 2 went to the 1emocratic Con!ention as a %ournalist, and returned a ra!ing "east. For me, that wee# in Chicago was far worse than the worst "ad acid trip 2$d e!en heard rumors a"out. 2t permanently altered my "rain chemistry, and my first new idea when 2 finally calmed down was an a"solute con!iction there was no possi"ility for any personal truce, for me, in a nation that could hatch and "e proud of a malignant monster li#e Chicago. Suddenly, it seemed

111 imperati!e to get a grip on those who had somehow slipped into power and caused the thing to happen. 0ut who were theyG 4as Bayor 1aley a cause, or a symptomG /yndon Aohnson was finished, Hu"ert Humphrey was doomed, BcCarthy was "ro#en, ,ennedy was dead, and that left only Nixon, that pompous, plastic little fart who would soon "e our .resident. 2 went to 4ashington for his 2nauguration, hoping for a terri"le shitrain that would pound the 4hite House to splinters. 0ut it didn$t happen' no shitrain, no %ustice. . . and Nixon was finally in charge. So in truth it was pro"a"ly a sense of impending doom, of horror at politics in general, that goaded me into my role in the )dwards campaign. The reasons came later, and e!en now they seem hazy. Some people call politics fun, and may"e it is when you$re winning. 0ut e!en then it$s a mean #ind of fun, and more li#e the rising edge of a speed trip than anything peaceful or pleasant. +eal happiness, in politics, is a wide open hammer shot on some poor "astard who #nows he$s "een trapped, "ut can$t flee. The )dwards campaign was more an uprising than a mo!ement. 4e had nothing to lose9 we were li#e a "unch of wild eyed amateur mechanics rolling a homemade racing car onto the trac# at 2ndianapolis and watching it o!erta#e a "race of "ig Cffenhausers at the ;<: pole. There were two distinct phases in the month long )dwards campaign. For the first two wee#s we made a lot of radical noise and em"arrassed our friends and disco!ered that most of the people we had counted on were a"solutely useless. So no"ody was ready for the second phase, when the thing "egan coming together li#e a con&uered %igsaw puzzle. Cur e!ening strategy meetings in the Aerome 0ar were suddenly crowded with people demanding a piece of the action. 4e were inundated with L< and L6: contri"utions from people whom none of us #new. From 0o" ,rueger$s tiny dar#room and 0ill Noonan$s angry efforts to collect enough money to pay for a full page ad in 1unaway$s li"eral Times! we suddenly inherited all the facilities of the (Center of the )ye( .hotography School and an unlimited credit line Eafter 1unaway fled to the 0ahamasF from Ste!e Herron at the Times owned radio station, then the only one in town. ESe!eral months after the election a @; hour FB station "egan "roadcasting with daytime Buza# "alanced off against a late night frea# roc# gig as hea!y as anything in S.F. or /.A.F. 4ith no local tele!ision, the radio was our e&ui!alent of a high powered TD campaign. And it pro!o#ed the same #ind of surly reaction that has "een shrugged off, on "oth coasts, "y -S Senate candidates such as Cttinger EN.H.F and Tunney ECalif.F. That comparison is purely technical. The radio spots we ran in Aspen would ha!e terrified political eunuchs li#e Tunney and Cttinger. Cur theme song was Her"ie Bann$s (0attle Hymn of the +epu"lic,( which we ran o!er and o!er again as a doleful "ac#ground to !ery hea!y raps and e!il moc#ery of the retrograde opposition. They "itched and groaned, accusing us in their ignorance of (using Badison A!enue techni&ues,( while in truth it was pure /enny 0ruce. 0ut they didn$t #now /enny' their humor was still 0o" Hope, with a tangent taste for 1on +ic#les here and there among the handful of swingers who didn$t mind admitting that they dug the stag mo!ies, on wee#ends, at /eon -ris$ home on +ed Bountain. 4e en%oyed s#ewering those "astards. Cur radio wizard, an ex nightclu" comic, .hil Clar#, made se!eral spots that caused people to foam at the mouth and chase their tails in impotent rage. There was a thread of high, wild humor in the )dwards campaign, and that was what #ept us all sane. There was a definite satisfaction in #nowing that, e!en if we lost, whoe!er "eat us would ne!er get rid of the scars. 2t was necessary, we felt, to thoroughly terrify our opponents, so that e!en in hollow !ictory, they would learn to fear e!ery sunrise until the next election. This wor#ed out nicely or at least effecti!ely, and "y the spring of 678: it was clear on all fronts, that Aspen$s traditional power structure was no longer in command of the town. The new City Council &uic#ly "ro#e down to a permanent ? ; split, with Ned Dare as the spo#esman for one side

112 and a 0ircher style dentist named Comcowich ta#ing care of the other. This left )!e Homeyer, who had campaigned with the idea that the mayor was (only a figurehead,( in the nasty position of ha!ing to cast a tie "rea#ing !ote on e!ery contro!ersial issue. The first few were minor, and she !oted her Agnew style con!ictions in each case. . . "ut the pu"lic reaction was ugly, and after a while the Council lapsed into a #ind of ner!ous stalemate, with neither side anxious to "ring an'thing to a !ote. The realities of a small town politics are so close to the "one that there is no way to a!oid getting cursed in the streets, "y some"ody, for any !ote you cast. An alderman in Chicago can insulate himself almost completely from the people he !otes against, "ut there is no escape in a place the size of Aspen. The same #ind of tension "egan popping up on the other fronts9 The local high school principal tried to fire a young teacher for !oicing a left wing political "ias in the classroom, "ut her students went on stri#e and not only forced the teacher$s reinstatement "ut !ery nearly got the principal fired. Shortly after that, Ned Dare and a local lawyer named Shellman sa!aged the State Highway 1epartment so "adly that all plans to "ring the four lane highway through town were completely de funded. This dro!e the County Commissioners into a filthy fun#' the Highway had "een their pet pro%ect, "ut suddenly it was screwed, doomed. . . "y the same gang of "astards who had caused all the trou"le last fall. The Aspen Bedical Center was filled with cries of rage and anguish. Comcowich the twisted dentist rushed out of his office in that "uilding and punched a young frea# off his "icycle, screeching9 (Hou dirty little motherfuc#er we$re going to run you all out of townI( Then he fled "ac# inside, to his office across the hall from that of the good 1r. 0arnard E0uggsyF and his li#e minded cohort 1r. A. Sterling 0axter. For fi!e years these two had controlled Aspen$s affairs with a swagger that mixed sports cars and speed with mistresses and teeny "oppers and a ca!alier disdain for the amenities of the medical profession. 0uggsy handled the municipal action, while 0axter ran the County, and for fi!e fairly placid years the Aspen Bedical Center was Aspen$s Tammany Hall. 0uggsy dug his Bayor$s act immensely. From time to time he would run amo# and a"use his power disgracefully, "ut in general he handled it well. His friends were many and !aried ranging from dope dealers and outlaw "i#ers to 1istrict Audge and horse traders. . . e!en me, and in fact it ne!er crossed my mind that 0uggsy would "e anything "ut a tremendous help when we #ic#ed off the )dwards campaign. 2t seemed entirely logical that an old frea# would want to pass the torch to a 'oung frea#. . . 2nstead, he refused to go gracefully, and rather than helping )dwards he tried to destroy him. At one point 0arnard actually tried to get "ac# into the race himself, and when that didn$t wor# he sho!ed in a last minute dummy. This was poor *ates, who went down along with 0uggsy to an ignominious defeat. 4e "eat them stupid, and 0arnard couldn$t "elie!e it. Shortly after the polls closed, he went down to City Hall and stared "alefully at the "lac#"oard when the cler# started posting the returns. The first figures stunned him !isi"ly, they said, and "y ten o$cloc# he was ra!ing incoherently a"out (fraud( and (recounts( and (those dirty "astards who turned on me.( Cne of his friends who was there recalls it as a !ery hea!y scene. . . although 1ylan Thomas might ha!e dug it, for the Bayor is said to ha!e raged horri"ly against the dying of the light. And so much for what might ha!e "een a !ery sad story. . . except that 0uggsy went home that night and "egan laying fe!erish plans to "ecome Bayor of Aspen again. His new power "ase is a thing called the (Taxpayers$ /eague,( a sort of re!erse elite corps of the "ooziest )l#s and )agles, whose only real point of agreement is that e!ery animal in this world that has wal#ed on two legs for less than <: years is e!il, &ueer and dangerous. The Taxpayers$ /eague is really a classic example of what anthropologists call an (ata!istic endea!or.( Cn the scale of political de!elopment, they are still flirting with Senator 0il"o$s dangerously progressi!e proposal to send all the niggers "ac# to Africa on a fleet of iron "arges. This is 0uggsy$s new constituency. They are not all !icious drun#s, and not all mental

113 defecti!es either. Some are genuinely confused and frightened at what seems to "e the )nd of the 4orld as they #now it. And this is sad, too. . . "ut the saddest thing of all is that, in the context of this article, the Taxpayers$ /eague is not irrele!ant. 2n the past six months this group has emerged as the most consistently effecti!e !oting "loc in the !alley. They ha!e "eaten the li"erals handily in e!ery recent encounter Enone crucialF that came down, in the end, to a matter of who had the muscle. 4ho indeedG The li"erals simply can$t get it up. . . and since the end of the )dwards campaign we ha!e deli"erately a!oided any effort to mo"ilize the Frea# .ower "loc. The political attention span of the a!erage dropout is too short, we felt, to "low it on anything minor. Nearly e!eryone who wor#ed on the )dwards gig last year was con!inced that he would ha!e won easily if the election had "een held on No!em"er 6;th instead of No!em"er ;th. . . or if we$d started whipping our act together e!en a wee# earlier. Bay"e so, "ut 2 dou"t it. That idea assumes that we had control of the thing "ut we didn$t. The campaign was out of control from "eginning to end and the fact that it pea#ed on election day was a perfect accident, a piece of luc# that we couldn$t ha!e planned. 0y the time the polls opened we had fired %ust a"out e!ery shot we had. There was nothing left to do, on election day, except deal with 0uggsy$s threats and that was done "efore noon. 0eyond that, 2 don$t recall that we did much until %ust "efore the polls closed except dri!e around town at high speed and drin# !ast amounts of "eer. There is no point e!en hoping for that #ind of luc# again this year. 4e "egan organizing in mid August six wee#s earlier than last time and unless we can pace the thing perfectly we might find oursel!es limp and "urned out two wee#s "efore the election. 2 ha!e a nightmare !ision of our whole act coming to a massi!e orgiastic climax on Ccto"er @<th9 Two thousand costumed frea#s doing the schottische, in perfect unison, in front of the County Courthouse. . . sweating, weeping, chanting. . . (Dote NC4I Dote NC4.( 1emanding the "allot at once! completely stoned on politics, too high and strung out to e!en recognize their candidate, Ned Dare, when he appears on the courthouse steps and shouts for them all to "ac# off9 (*o "ac# to your homesI Hou can$t !ote for ten more daysI( The mo" responds with a terri"le roar, then surges forward. . . Dare disappears. . . 2 turn to flee, "ut the Sheriff is there with a huge ru""er sac# that he &uic#ly flips o!er my head and places me under arrest for felony conspiracy. The elections are canceled and A. Sterling 0axter places the town under martial law, with himself in total command. . . 0axter is "oth the sym"ol and the reality of the CldJ-glyJCorrupt political machine that we hope to crac# in No!em"er. He will "e wor#ing from a formida"le power "ase9 A coalition of 0uggsy$s (Taxpayers( and Comcowich$s right wing su"ur"anites along with hea!y institutional support from "oth "an#s, the Contractors$ Association and the all powerful Aspen S#i Corporation. He will also ha!e the financing and organizing resources of the local *C., which outnum"ers the 1emocrats more than two to one in registrations. The 1emocrats, with an eye on the pro"a"ility of another )dwards style uprising on the /eft, are running a political trans!estite, a middle aged realtor whom they will try to promote as a (sensi"le alternati!e( to the menacing (extremes( posed "y 0axter and Ned Dare. The incum"ent Sheriff is also a 1emocrat. Dare is running as an 2ndependent and his campaign sym"ol, he says, will "e (a tree.( For the Sheriff$s campaign, my sym"ol will "e either a horri"ly deformed cyclops owl, or a dou"le thum"ed fist, clutching a peyote "utton, which is also the sym"ol of our general strategy and organizing ca"al, the Beat .ossum Athletic Clu". At the moment 2 am registered as an 2ndependent, "ut there is still the possi"ility pending the outcome of current negotiations for campaign financing that 2 may file for office as a Communist. 2t will ma#e no difference which la"el 2 adopt' the die is already cast in my race and the only remaining &uestion is how many Frea#s, heads, criminals, anarchists, "eatni#s, poachers, 4o""lies, "i#ers and .ersons of 4eird .ersuasion will come out of their holes and !ote for me. The alternati!es are depressingly o"!ious9 my opponents are hopeless "ums who

114 would "e more at home on the Bississippi State Highway .atrol. . . and, if elected, 2 promise to recommend them "oth for the #inds of %o"s they deser!e. Ned Dare$s race is "oth more complex and far more important than mine. He is going after the dragon. Aay 0axter is the most powerful political figure in the county. He is the County Commissioner' the other two are echoes. 2f Dare can "eat 0axter that will snap the spine of the localJ moneyJpolitics esta"lishment. . . and if Frea# .ower can do that in Aspen, it can also do it in other places. 0ut if it can*t "e done here, one of the few places in America where we can wor# off a pro!en power "ase then it is hard to imagine it wor#ing in any other place with fewer natural ad!antages. /ast fall we came within six !otes, and it will pro"a"ly "e close again this time. Bemories of the )dwards campaign will guarantee a hea!y turnout, with a dangerous "ac#lash factor that could wipe us out completely unless the Head population can get itself together and actually vote. /ast year perhaps the Heads !oted' this year we will need them all. The ramifications of this election go far "eyond any local issues or candidates. 2t is an experiment with a totally new #ind of political muscle. . . and the results, either way, will definitely "e worth pondering. Tentative -latform Thom&son for Sheriff As&en! /olorado! <JCH 6F Sod the streets at once. +ip up all city streets with %ac# hammers and use the %un# asphalt Eafter meltingF to create a huge par#ing and auto storage lot on the outs#irts of town prefera"ly somewhere out of sight, li#e "etween the new sewage plant and Bc0ride$s new shopping center. All refuse and other gar"age could "e centralized in this area in memory of Brs. 4alter .aep#e, who sold the land for de!elopment. The only automo"iles allowed into town would "e limited to a networ# of (deli!ery alleys,( as shown in the !ery detailed plan drawn "y architectJplanner Fritz 0enedict in 67=7. All pu"lic mo!ement would "e "y foot and a fleet of "icycles, maintained "y the city police force. @F Change the name (Aspen,( "y pu"lic referendum, to (Fat City.( This would pre!ent greedheads, land rapers and other human %ac#als from capitalizing on the name (Aspen.( Thus, Snowmass at Aspen recently sold to ,aiserJAetna of Ca#land would "ecome (Snowmass at Fat City.( Aspen 4ildcat whose main "ac#ers include The First National City 0an# of New Hor# and the First 0oston Capital Corp. would ha!e to "e called (Fat City 4ildcat.( All road signs and roadmaps would ha!e to "e changed from Aspen to (Fat City.( The local .ost Cffice and Cham"er of Commerce would ha!e to honor the new name. (Aspen,( Colo, would no longer exist and the psychic alterations of this change would "e massi!e in the world of commerce9 Fat City S#i Fashions, the Fat City Slalom Cup, Fat City Busic Festi!al, Fat City 2nstitute for Humanistic Studies. . . etc. And the main ad!antage here is that changing the name of the town would ha!e no ma%or effect on the town itself, or on those people who came here "ecause it$s a good place to live. 4hat effect the name change might ha!e on those who came here to "uy low, sell high and then mo!e on is fairly o"!ious. . . and eminently desira"le. These swine should "e fuc#ed, "ro#en and dri!en across the land. ?F 1rug Sales must "e controlled. By first act as Sheriff will "e to install, on the courthouse lawn, a "astinado platform and a set of stoc#s in order to punish dishonest dope dealers in a proper pu"lic fashion. )ach year these dealers cheat millions of people out of millions of dollars. As a "reed, they ran# with su"di!iders and used car salesmen and the Sheriffs 1ept. will gladly hear complaints against dealers at any hour of the day or night, with immunity from prosecution guaranteed to the complaining party pro!ided the complaint is !alid. E2t should "e noted, on this point in the platform, that any Sheriff of any County in Colorado is legally responsi"le for enforcing all State /aws regarding drugs e!en those few he might personally disagree with. The statutes

115 pro!ide for malfeasance penalties up to L6:: in each instance, in cases of willful nonenforcement. . . "ut it should also "e noted that the statutes pro!ide for many other penalties, in many other strange and unli#ely circumstances, and as Sheriff 2 shall ma#e myself aware of all of them, without exception. So any !engeful, ill ad!ised ding"at who might presume to "ring malfeasance charges against my office should "e &uite sure of hisJher facts. . .F And in the meantime, it will "e the general philosophy of the Sheriff$s office that no drug worth ta#ing should "e sold for money. Nonprofit sales will "e !iewed as "orderline cases, and %udged on their merits. 0ut all sales for money profit will "e punished se!erely. This approach, we feel, will esta"lish a uni&ue and !ery human ambiance in the Aspen Eor Fat CityF drug culture which is already so much a part of our local reality that only a falangist lunatic would tal# a"out trying to (eliminate it.( The only realistic approach is to ma#e life in this town !ery ugly for all profiteers in drugs and all other fields. ;F Hunting and fishing should "e for"idden to all nonresidents, with the exception of those who can o"tain the signed endorsement of a resident who will then "e legally responsi"le for any !iolation or a"use committed "y the nonresident he has (signed for.( Fines will "e hea!y and the general policy will "e Berciless .rosecution of All Cffenders. 0ut as in the case of the proposed city name change this (/ocal )ndorsement( plan should ha!e no effect on anyone except greedy, dangerous #ill frea#s who are a menace where!er they go. This new plan would ha!e no effect on residents except those who chose to endorse !isiting (sportsmen.( 0y this approach ma#ing hundreds or e!en thousands of indi!iduals personally responsi"le for protecting the animals, fish and "irds who li!e here we would create a sort of de facto game preser!e, without the harsh restrictions that will necessarily "e forced on us if these "lood thirsty gee#s #eep swarming in here each autumn to shoot e!erything they see. <F The Sheriff and his 1eputies should never "e armed in pu"lic. )!ery ur"an riot, shoot out and "lood "ath Ein!ol!ing gunsF in recent memory has "een set off "y some trigger happy cop in a fear frenzy. And no cop in Aspen has had to use a gun for so many years that 2 feel safe in offering a L6@ cash award to any"ody who can recall such an incident in writing. E0ox , ??, AspenF. -nder normal circumstances a pistol grip Bace "om", such as the B, D made "y *en. Crdnance, is more than enough to &uic#ly wilt any !iolence pro"lem that is li#ely to emerge in Aspen. And anything the B, D can$t handle would re&uire reinforcements anyway. . . in which case the response would "e geared at all times to Bassi!e +etaliation9 a "rutal attac# with guns, "om"s, pepper foggers, wol!erines and all other weapons deemed necessary to restore the ci!ic peace. The whole notion of disarming the police is to lo"er the le!el of !iolence while guaranteeing, at the same time, a terri"le punishment to anyone stupid enough to attempt !iolence on an unarmed cop. =F 2t will "e the policy of the Sheriff$s office sa!agely to harass all those engaged in any form of land rape. This will "e done "y acting, with utmost dispatch, on any and all righteous complaints. By first act in office after setting up the machinery for punishing dope dealers will "e to esta"lish a +esearch 0ureau to pro!ide facts on which any citizen can file a 4rit of Seizure, a 4rit of Stoppage, a 4rit of Fear, of Horror. . . yes. . . e!en a 4rit of Assumption. . . against any greedhead who has managed to get around our anti&uated laws and set up a tar !at, scum drain or gra!el pit. These writs will "e pursued with o!erweening zeal. . . and always within the letter of the law. Selah. Rolling Stone K=8, Ccto"er 6, 678:

%e3o 5ro3 the Sports $esk< The So(Calle- ;9esus #reak; S,are

116 A recent emergency sur!ey of our field sources indicates a firestorm of lunacy "rewing on the neo religious front. Failure to prepare for this madness could tax our resources se!erely perhaps to the "rea#ing point. 1uring the next few months we will almost certainly "e inundated, e!en swamped, "y a nightmare "lizzard of schloc#, gi""erish, swill 3 pseudo religious "ullshit of e!ery type and description. 4e can expect no relief until after Christmas. This pro"lem will manifest itself in many treacherous forms and we will ha!e to deal with them all. To wit9 6F The mailroom will "e paralyzed "y wa!e after wa!e of pamphlets, records, warnings and half mad screeds from .ersons andJor Commercial Crganizations attempting to cash in on this grisly shuc#. So we ha!e already made arrangements to esta"lish an alternati!e mailroom, to handle our serious "usiness. @F 4e expect the main ele!ators to "e %ammed up, day and night, "y a ne!er ending swarm of crazies attempting to drag huge wooden crosses and other o!er sized gimcrac#s into the "uilding. To circum!ent this, we are e!en now in the process of installing a powerful glassJcu"e electric lift on the e terior of the "uilding for employeeJ"usiness 3 general editorial use. The ingressJegress door will "e cut in the east wall, "ehind 1a!e Felton$s cu"icle. The ground floor door will "e disguised as a huge pac#ing crate in the par#ing lot. An armed guard will "e on duty at all times. ?F 4e expect the phone lines to "e tied up almost constantly "y hired andJor ra"id Jesus Freaks attempting to get things li#e $Today$s .rayer Bessage,( etc., into our editorial columns. Cur policy will "e not to re%ect these things9 No, we will acce&t them. They will all "e switched to a special automated phone extension in the "asement of the "uilding. Hail 0loor, the eminent theologist, has prepared a series of recorded replies for calls of this nature. Any callers who resist automation can lea!e their names 3 num"ers, so 2nspector 0loor can return their calls and deal with them personally "etween the hours of @ and = AB. These are only a few of the specific horrors that we will ha!e to come to grips with "etween now and Septem"er. There will, of course, "e others less tangi"le and far more sensiti!e such as Su"!ersion of ,ey .ersonnel. As always, there will "e a few "rainless scum"ags going under succum"ing, as it were to the lure of this latest cult. 4e expect this, and when these organizational "low holes appear, they will "e &lugged with extreme speed 3 sa!agery. 2t is the !iew of the Sports 1es# that a generation of failed ding"ats and closet %un#ies should under no circumstances "e allowed to foul our lines of communication at a time when any"ody with access to a thin#ingJnationwide audience has an almost desperate o"ligation to spea# coherentl'. This is not the year for a mass re!ersion to ata!istic "ullshit and particularly not in the pages of R1223N( ST1N8. 4e expect the pressure to mount in geometric progressions from now until 1ecem"er, 3 then to pea# around Christmas. Beanwhile, it is well to remem"er the words of 1r. Heem, one of the few modern day wizards who has ne!er "een wrong. 1r. Heem was cursed "y )isenhower, moc#ed "y ,ennedy, %eered "y Tim /eary and threatened "y )ldridge Clea!er. 0ut he is still on the stump. . . still hustling. (The future of Christianity is far too fragile,( he said recently, (to "e left in the hands of the Christians especially &ros." The Sports 1es# feels !ery strongly a"out this. Further warnings will issue, as special pro"lems arise. 4hich they will. 4e are a"solutely certain of this, if nothing else. 4hat we are faced with today is the same old +ising Tide that$s "een coming for the past fi!e years or more. . . the same old e!il, menacing, frog eyed trip of a whole generation run amo# from too many failures. 4hich is fine. 2t was long o!erdue. And once again in the words of 1r. Heem, (Sometimes the old walls are so coc#eyed that you can$t e!en fit a new window.( 0ut the trou"le with the Jesus Freak out"urst is that it is less, a window than a gigantic Spanish 2n&uisition, the Salem 4itch Trials, the +ape of the Congo and the Con&uest of the 2ncas, the Bayans, and the Aztecs. )ntire

117 ci!ilizations ha!e "een done in "y !engeful monsters claiming a special relationship with (*od.( 4hat we are dealing with now is nothing less than another )mpire on the "rin# of collapse more than li#ely of its own "ad weight 3 twisted priorities. This process is already well underway. )!erything Nixon stands for is doomed, now or later. 0ut it will sure as hell "e later if the "est alternati!e we can mount is a generation of loonies who$!e gi!en up on e!erything except a re!i!al of the same old primiti!e "ullshit that caused all our trou"les from the start. 4hat a horror to thin# that all the fine, high action of the Sixties would somehow come down ten years later to a gross 3 mindless echo of 0illy Sunday. This is why the Sports 1es# insists that these waterheads must "e #ept out of the "uilding at all costs. 4e ha!e serious "usiness to deal with, and these fuc#ers will only "e in the way. Sincerely, +aoul 1u#e Rolling Stone! K7:, Septem"er @, 6786

%e3o+rs o5 a Wret,he- Weeken+n Wash+n*ton

Cne of my clearest memories of that wretched wee#end is the sight of Aerry +u"in standing forlornly on the steps of a mar"le "uilding near the Capitol, watching a gang fight at the "ase of a flagpole. The (counter inaugural( parade had %ust ended and some of the marchers had decided to finish the show "y raping the American flag. Cther marchers protested, and soon the two factions were slugging it out. The flag slipped down the pole a few feet, then went "ac# up as a group of anti war patriots formed a sort of human anchor on the main pulley rope. These defenders of the flag were part of the Bo"ilization Committee to )nd the 4ar in Dietnam EBC0)F, organizers of the (counter inaugural(. . . the li"eral, pacifist collegiate wing of the protest. The attac#ers, screaming (Tear the damn thing down,( were a wild and disorganized hell"roth of young streetfighters, ranging from local S1S militants to a motorcycle gang called the (Huns.( There were "lac#s on "oth sides of the argument, "ut most of the fist action in!ol!ed young whites. As 2 "ac#ed away from the "rawl, two dogs "egan fighting "ehind me and a march leader shouting (.eaceI( into his "ullhorn was attac#ed "y a frea# wearing a .russian helmet. The anti war parade had turned sa!agely on itself. +u"in, a Hippie organizer and !eteran of e!ery ma%or protest since the first 0er#eley uprising in 67=;, was staring at the chaos around the flag pole. (Awful,( he muttered9 (This whole thing is depressing. . . no life, no direction. . . this may "e the last demonstration.( His words echoed a notion 2$d %ust scri""led in my note"oo#9 (No more singing, no more speeches, farewell to all that. . .( 2 understood what +u"in meant' our paths had crossed constantly in the past four years, from the 0ay Area to Chicago. . . always on different le!els of in!ol!ement, he as a central figure and 2 as a %ournalist. . . "ut now, in 67=7, it was o"!ious to "oth of us that the scene had changed drastically. Diolence and confrontation are the themes now. The whole concept of (peaceful protest( died in Chicago, at the 1emocratic Con!ention. No"ody in!ited Aoan 0aez to 4ashington' no"ody sang (4e Shall C!ercome.( There were other, newer slogans here, li#e (,ill the .igsI( ( the 4ar,( and (Two Four Six )ight. . . Crganize to Smash the StateI( Dicious dissidence is the style. No"ody goes limp. They throw roc#s at the cops, then run. . . and two minutes later they pop up somewhere else and throw more roc#s. 4e ha!e come a long way

118 from 0er#eley and the Free peech Bo!ement. There is a new meanness on "oth sides. . . and no more humor. For +u"in, the change is "itterly personal. As a result of the police riot in Chicago, he is now free on L@<,::: "ail, charged with solicitation to commit mo" action, a felony carrying a possi"le fi!e year prison sentence. 2n the good old days, three months in %ail was considered harsh punishment for a protest leader. Now, in the Nixon era, people li#e +u"in are candidates for the "astinado. As for me. . . well, the change is not yet physical. 4ith press credentials, 2 usually manage to a!oid arrest. . . although 2 suspect that, too, will change in the new era. A press "adge or e!en a note"oo# is coming to "e a lia"ility in the increasingly polarized atmosphere of these ci!il conflicts. Neutrality is o"solete. The &uestion now, e!en for a %ournalist, is (4hich side are you onG( 2n Chicago 2 was clu""ed "y police9 2n 4ashington 2 was menanced "y demonstrators. The 2nauguration wee#end was a #ing hell "ummer in almost e!ery way. The sight of Nixon ta#ing the oath, the doomed and !icious tone of the protest, constant rain, ri!ers of mud, an army of rich swineherds %amming the hotel "ars, old ladies with "lue hair clogging the restaurants. . . a horror show, for sure. Dery late one night, listening to the radio in my room 2 heard a song "y The 0yrds, with a refrain that went9 "Nobod' kno"s. . . "hat trouble the'*re in: Nobod' thinks. . . it might ha&&en again." 2t echoed in my head all wee#end, li#e a theme song for a "ad mo!ie. . . the Nixon mo!ie. By first idea was to load up on /S1 and co!er the 2nauguration that way, "ut the possi"ilities were ominous9 a scene that "ad could only "e compounded to the realm of mega horrors "y something as powerful as acid. No. . . it had to "e done straight, or at least with a few %oints in calm moments. . . li#e fast stepping across the Ball, "earing down on the Smithsonian 2nstitution with a frenzied crowd chanting o"scenities a"out Spiro Agnew. . . mounted police shouting (0ac#I 0ac#I(. . . and the man next to me, an accredited New Hor# %ournalist, hands me a weird cigarette, saying, (4hy notG 2t$s all o!er anyway. . .( 2ndeed. He was right. From my point of !iew and presuma"ly from his it was all o!er. +ichard Nixon had finally "ecome .resident. All around us these 6> and 67 year old loonies were throwing firecrac#ers and gar"age at the mounted police. From inside the Smithsonian, Agnew$s people were loo#ing out, crowded against the doorway glass, watching the mo" as it menaced late arri!ing guests. A cop lost his temper and rushed into the crowd to seize an agitator. . . and that was the last we saw of him for a"out three minutes. 4hen he emerged, after a dozen others had rushed in to sa!e him, he loo#ed li#e some ragged hippie. . . the mo" had stripped him of e!erything except his pants, one "oot, and part of his coat. His hat was gone, his gun and gun"elt, all his "adges and police decorations. . . he was a "eaten man and his name was /ennox. 2 #now this "ecause 2 was standing "eside the "ig plainclothes police "oss who was shouting, (*et /ennox in the !anI( /ennox was not in full control of himself' he was screaming around li#e a guinea hen %ust wor#ed o!er "y a pac# of wild dogs. The super!isor "ore down on him, raging at the spectacle of a chewed up cop running around in full !iew of the press and the mo". . . adding insult to in%ury. They put /ennox in the !an and we ne!er saw him again. How could this happenG 4ith Spiro Agnew and his guests loo#ing out from the elegant museum on the e!e of his inauguration as Dice .resident of the -.S., a mo" of dissident (pacifists( mauls a cop assigned to protect the party. This man /ennox had read too many old newspapers, too many reports a"out (cowardly, non !iolent demonstrators.( So he rushed in to gra" one of them to enforce The /aw and they nearly did him in. A man standing next to the action said9 (They too# turns #ic#ing him in the head. They tore e!erything off of him thirty more seconds and they$d ha!e stripped him completely na#ed.( +otten "eha!ior, no dou"t a"out it. Se!eral hours later, riding in a ca" in another part of 4ashington, 2 told the "lac# ca""ie what had happened. (0eautiful, "eautiful,( he said. (2 used to "e

119 on The Force and 2 was ready to go "ac#. . . "ut not now' hell, 2 don$t want to "e a pu"lic enemy.( 2 went to the 2nauguration for se!eral reasons, "ut mainly to "e sure it wasn$t a TD tric#. 2t seemed impossi"le that it could actually happen9 .resident Nixon. )nroute to 4ashington, crossing the +oc#ies in a "ig %et with a drin# in my hand 2 wrote in my note"oo#9 (Cne year later, flying east again to co!er Nixon. . . last time it was to New Hor# and then on the Hellow"ird Special to Banchester, New Hampshire. . . to Nixon head&uarters at the Holiday 2nn, greeted "y speechwriter .at 0uchanan who didn$t appro!e of my gar". . . Bistah Nixon, he doan li#e s#i %ac#ets, "oy and 4here$s yore tieG 0uchanan, a rude suspicious gee#, /i"erty /o""y type. . . "ut now he$s in 4ashington, and so is (The 0oss.( All the staffers called him (the "oss.( His speeches and campaign appearances were called (drills.( 2$m not sure what they called me, "ut it must ha!e "een ugly. Here is an excerpt from the article 2 wrote after following him around New Hampshire for ten days9 Richard Nixon has never been one of my favorite people. He was. . . a man with no soul, no inner convictions. . . The "old Nixon" didn't make it. Neither did earlier models of the "new Nixon." o now we have "Nixon !ark "#," and as a $ournalist " suppose it's only fair to say that this latest model mi%ht be different and maybe even better in some ways. &ut as a customer, " wouldn't touch it '' except with a lon% cattle prod. At the 0altimore airport 2 ran into 0o" *o!er, arri!ing from New Crleans with a new wife and a "ig mo!ie camera. *o!er is a writer D1ne $undred ,ollar Misunderstanding! among othersF, "ut he$s into a film gig now, ma#ing a mo!ie of the impending re!olution that he thin#s will "e out in the open "efore 678:. Not e!eryone in!ol!ed in (The Bo!ement( is that optimistic' the timeta"le !aries from six months to four years, "ut there is near unanimous agreement that some #ind of shattering uphea!al will occur "efore 678@. . . not %ust riots, or closing down uni!ersities, "ut a !iolent re!olution. This ominous prospect has already crac#ed the fragile solidarity of the (new left.( -ntil now, the war in Dietnam has "een a sort of um"rella issue, pro!iding a sem"lance of unity to a mixed "ag of anti war groups with little else in common. The (counter inaugural( in 4ashington showed, !ery clearly, that this alliance is "rea#ing down. 2ndeed, the whole scene is polarizing. 4tih Nixon and Aohn Bitchell on the +ight, drumming for /aw and Crder. . . and with the 0lac#s and the Student /eft gearing down for +e!olution. . . the Center is almost up for gra"s. The only centrist style hea!yweight these days is Senator Ted ,ennedy, who seems to "e playing the same #ind of 0uild and Consolidate game that +ichard Nixon perfected in 67==. ,ennedy "egan to haunt Nixon e!en "efore he was sworn in. Cn Saturday, two days "efore the 2nauguration, Teddy dominated local newscasts "y un!eiling a "ust of his murdered "rother, +o"ert, in the courtyard of the Austice 1epartment. Then, two days after the 2naugural, Teddy was the star of a "ig name fund raising rally at the 4ashington Hilton. The idea was to pay off +o"ert$s campaign de"ts, "ut a local newspaper columnist said it (loo#ed li#e the #ic#off of Teddy$s campaign.( The senator, e!er cautious, was &uoted in the 4ashington .ost as saying he hadn$t pic#ed a Dice .resident yet, for 678@. Nixon$s reaction to this "offo was not reported in the press. The only pu"lic comment came from +aoul 1u#e, a !isiting dignitary, who said9 (4ell. . . no"ody laughed when 0an&uo$s ghost came to the party. . . and remem"er the 0altimore Colts.( 2n any case, the "attle is %oined. . . +e!olution !ersus the 4a!e of the .ast. +umors persist that Br. Nixon remains confident for reasons not apparent to anyone under <:, except cops, e!angelists and mem"ers of the /i"erty /o""y. The rest of us will ha!e to start reading fiction again,

120 or may"e "uild "oats. The demands of this growing polarization this "anshee screaming (4hich side are you onG( are going to ma#e the Aohnson years seem li#e a .eace Festi!al. Any"ody who thin#s Nixon wrote that soothing inaugural speech should remem"er the name, +ay .rice. He is Nixon$s 0ill Boyers, and li#e Boyers a good man to watch for signs of a sin#ing ship. .rice is Nixon$s house li"eral, and when he &uits we can loo# for that era of "loody chaos and streetfighting. . . and perhaps e!en that +e!olution the wild tur#s on the New /eft are waiting for. .resident Nixon has mo!ed into a !acuum that neither he nor his creatures understand. They are setting up, right now, in the calm eye of a hurricane. . . and if they thin# the winds ha!e died, they are in for a "ad shoc#. And so are the rest of us, for we are all in that eye e!en the young militants of the New /eft, who are now more disorganized than e!en the li"eral 1emocrats, who at least ha!e a figurehead. The 4ashington protest was a "ust, despite the claims of the organizers. . . and for reasons "eyond mud and rain. Aerry +u"in was right9 it was pro"a"ly (the last demonstration( or at least the last one in that older, gentler and once hopeful context. Cn Bonday night, around dus#, 2 went "ac# to the "ig circus tent that had "een the scene, %ust @: hours earlier, of BC0)$s Counter 2naugural 0all. Cn Sunday night the tent had "een a mo" scene, with thousands of laughing young dissidents smo#ing grass and "ouncing "alloons around in the flashing glare of stro"e lights and roc# music. .hil Cchs was there and .aul ,rassner. . . and Audy Collins sent a telegram saying she couldn$t ma#e it "ut (#eep up the fight.(. . . the crowd dug it all, and passed the hat for a lot of dollars to pay for the tent rental. A casual o"ser!er might ha!e thought it was a !ictory party. Then, after Nixon$s parade, 2 went "ac# to the tent to see what was happening. . . and it was gone, or at least going. A six man crew from the Norfol# Tent Co. had ta#en down e!erything "ut the poles and ca"les. Thic# rolls of "lue and white can!as lay around in the mud, waiting to "e put on a truc# and ta#en "ac# to the warehouse. As the tent disappeared, piece "y piece, young girls with long hair and "oys carrying ruc#sac#s drifted "y and stopped to watch. They had come "ac#, li#e me, half expecting to find something happening. 4e stood there for a while, next to the 4ashington Bonument. . . no"ody tal#ing, not e!en the tent company crew. . . and then we drifted off in different directions. 2t was cold, and getting colder. 2 zipped up my s#i %ac#et and wal#ed fast across the Ball. To my left, at the "ase of the monument, a group of hippies was passing a %oint around. . . and off to the right a mile or so away, 2 could see the "right dome of the Capitol. . . Br. Nixon$s Capitol. Suddenly 2 felt cold, and !aguely defeated. Bore than eight years ago, in San Francisco, 2 had stayed up all night to watch the election returns. . . and when Nixon went down 2 felt li#e a winner. Now, on this Bonday night in 67=7, .resident Nixon was "eing honored with no less than six 2naugural 0alls. 2 "rooded on this for a while, then decided 2 would go o!er to the Hilton, later on, and punch some"ody. Almost any"ody would do. . . "ut hopefully 2 could find a police chief from Nash!ille or some other mean gee#. 2n the meantime, there was nothing to do "ut go "ac# to the hotel and watch the news on TD. . . may"e something funny, li#e film clips of the "astinado. The E0ostonF (lobe! Fe"ruary @?, 67=7

PART &

121

Present+n*< The R+,har- "+8on $oll F!2erhaule- 1>'C %o-elG

No inter!iew with +ichard Nixon will end until he refers to himself, at least once, as a (political man.( His opponents, "y implication, are mere (politicians.( )specially the man Nixon plans to defeat this No!em"er. . . for the .residency of the -nited States. Selah. The ma%or polls and sur!eys in the country suggest that Nixon may "e right, despite the outraged howls of all those !oters who insist that a choice "etween Nixon and Aohnson is no choice at all. Sen. )ugene BcCarthy has called it (a choice "etween o"scenity and !ulgarity.( Het BcCarthy is the political heir of Adlai Ste!enson, who said that (.eople get the #ind of go!ernment they deser!e.( 2f this is true, then 67=> is pro"a"ly the year in which the great American chic#en will come home to roost. . . either for good or for ill. So it was with a sense of mor"id curiosity that 2 went to New )ngland not long ago to chec# on (the real +ichard Nixon.( Not necessarily the (new Nixon,( or e!en the newest model of the old (new Nixon,( who is #nown to the press corps that follows him as (Nixon Bar# 2D.( By assignment was to find the man "ehind all these mas#s, or may"e to find that there was no mas# at all that +ichard Bilhous Nixon, at age <<, was neither more nor less than what he appeared to "e a plastic man in a plastic "ag, surrounded "y hired wizards so cautious as to seem almost plastic themsel!es. . . These political handlers were chosen this time for their coolness and s#ill for only one %o"9 to see that +ichard Nixon is the next .resident of the -nited States. Cne of the handlers, Henry Hyde, presuma"ly felt 2 was a threat to the Nixon camp. He called -A(8ANT to chec# me out. This was after he got into my room somehow while 2 was away, eating "rea#fast and read my typewritten notes. The Nixon people, who wore "aggy, dar# colored suits and plenty of greasy #id stuff Ethey loo#ed li#e models at an )l#s Clu" style showF, seemed to feel 2 was disrespectful "ecause 2 was dressed li#e a s#i "um. -A(8ANT reassured Br. Hyde as to the purity of my mission and intentions in spite of my appearance. +ichard Nixon has ne!er "een one of my fa!orite people, anyway. For years 2$!e regarded his !ery existence as a monument to all the rancid genes and "ro#en chromosomes that corrupt the possi"ilities of the American 1ream' he was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner con!ictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad. The Nixon 2 remem"ered was a"solutely humorless' 2 couldn$t imagine him laughing at anything except may"e a paraplegic who wanted to !ote 1emocratic "ut couldn$t &uite reach the le!er on the !oting machine. After 67=:, though, 2 no longer too# him seriously. Two years later he "lew his "id for the go!ernorship of California and made it o!erwhelmingly clear that he no longer too# himself seriously at least not as a politician. He made a national ass of himself "y "laming his defeats on the ("iased press.( He called a press conference and snarled into the microphone9 (Hou won$t ha!e 1ic# Nixon to #ic# around anymore, "ecause, gentlemen, this is my final press conference.( There is no a!oiding the fact that +ichard Nixon would not "e running for .resident in 67=> if Aohn ,ennedy hadn$t "een assassinated fi!e years earlier. . . and if the *C. hadn$t nominated 0arry *oldwater in 67=;. . . which guaranteed the election of /yndon Aohnson, who has since done nearly e!erything wrong and "otched the %o" so that now e!en Nixon loo#s good "eside him. The situation is so o"!ious that Nixon, (the political man,( can$t resist it. And who can "lame him for ta#ing his luc# where he finds itG He$s "ac# on the (fast trac#( that he li#es to tal# a"out,

122 with the .residency to gain and nothing at all to lose. He$s o"!iously en%oying this campaign. 2t$s a "onus, a free shot, his last chance to stand eye"all to eye"all again with the high rollers. +ichard Nixon has "een in politics all his life' for @6 years he has rolled a"out as high as a politician can in this country, and his luc# has "een pretty good. His instincts are those of a professional gam"ler who wins more often than he loses' his (s#ill( is nine parts experience to one part natural talent, and his concept of politics is entirely mechanical. Nixon is a political technician, and he has hired technicians to help him win this time. As a campaign team, they are formida"le. They ha!e old pros, young tur#s, crippled opponents, and a candidate who once came within an eyelash of "eating the late Aohn F. ,ennedy. The (new Nixon( is a"o!e anger, and he rarely has time for casual con!ersation. His staffers explain to the grum"ling press that (Br. Nixon is "usy writing tonight$s speech.( He is grappling in pri!ate, as it were, with the su"tle contradictions of the Asian mind. EHe slipped once in pu"lic during a late Fe"ruary trip to 4isconsin. (This country cannot tolerate a long war,( he said. (The Asians ha!e no respect for human li!es. They don$t care a"out "ody counts.( The implied racial slur was a departure from his carefully concei!ed campaign oratory.F At one point 2 as#ed +ay .rice, one of Nixon$s chief "raintrusters, why the candidate was ha!ing such difficulty finding words to echo 1ean +us#$s !iews on Dietnam. Nixon$s speeches for the past four nights had "een straight out of the Aohnson +us# hand"oo# on the (domino theory.( .rice loo#ed hurt. (4ell,( he said slowly, (2 really wish you$d done your homewor# on this. Br. Nixon has gone to a lot of trou"le to clarify his !iews on Dietnam, and 2$m only sorry that well. . .( He shoo# his head sadly, as if he couldn$t "ring himself to chastise me any further on the hallowed premises of a Howard Aohnson$s motel. 4e went to his room, where he dug up a reprint on an article from the Ccto"er 67=8 issue of Foreign Affairs. The title was (Asia After Dietnam,( and the author was +ichard B. Nixon. 2 was hoping for something more current, "ut .rice was suddenly called off on other "usiness. So 2 too# the article to the "ar and went through it se!eral times without finding anything to clear my head. 2t was thoughtful, articulate, and entirely consistent with the thin#ing of Aohn Foster 1ulles. 2 was disappointed with .rice for the same reason 2$d "een disappointed all wee# with Nixon. 2n !arious ways they "oth assumed that 2 and all the other reporters would fail to understand that Nixon was not only "eing e!asi!e with regard to Dietnam that wee# "ut that he was doing it deli"erately and for good reason. *eorge +omney$s campaign was o"!iously on its last legs' New Hampshire was sewed up for Nixon, and the "est way to maintain that lead was to stay !isi"le and say nothing more contro!ersial than (*od 0less America.( +omney tried desperately to pro!o#e an argument, "ut Nixon ignored e!ery challenge. Nixon did confess that he had a way to end the war, "ut he wouldn$t tell how. .atriotically he explained why9 (No one with this responsi"ility who is see#ing office should gi!e away any of his "argaining positions in ad!ance.( ENixon$s wife, .at, has confidence in his a"ility to cope with Dietnam. (1ic# would ne!er ha!e let Dietnam drag on li#e this,( she says.F 0oth +omney and BcCarthy had their Banchester head&uarters at the 4ayfarer, an elegant, woodsy motel with a comforta"le "ar and the "est dining room in the area. Nixon$s Holiday 2nn command post was on the other side of town, a grim loo#ing concrete structure. 2 as#ed one of Nixon$s ad!isers why they had chosen such a dreary place. (4ell,( he replied with a smile, (our only other choice was the 4ayfarer "ut we left that for +omney when we found out that it$s owned "y one of the most prominent political operators in the state a 1emocrat, of course.( He chuc#led. (Heah, poor *eorge really stepped into that one.( Nixon$s pros had won another point' there was nothing newsworthy a"out it, "ut those who mattered in the state political hierarchy understood, and they were the people Nixon needed to win New Hampshire. Small !ictories li#e this add up to delegates. )!en "efore the !otes were counted in New Hampshire, *C. strategists said Nixon had already gathered more than =:: of the ==8 !otes he

123 would need to win the nomination. There is no denying his fine understanding of the American political process. 2 went to New Hampshire expecting to find a "raying ass, and 2 came away con!inced that +ichard Nixon has one of the "est minds in politics. He understands pro"lems !ery &uic#ly' you can almost hear his "rain wor#ing when he$s faced with a difficult &uestion. He concentrates so !isi"ly that it loo#s li#e he$s posing, and his answer, when it flows, will nearly always "e right! for the situation "ecause Nixon$s mind is programmed, from long experience, to co&e with difficult situations. The fact that he often distorts the &uestion and then either answers it dishonestly or uses it to change the su"%ect is usually lost in the rhetoric. (2$m really "etter at dialogue,( he says, (The &uestion and answer format is good for me. 2 li#e it on TD. The set speech is one of those things li#e the +otary Clu" luncheon. 2 can do it, "ut if 2 had my druthers, 2$d ma#e it all M and A.( The (old Nixon( would argue in pu"lic' the (new Nixon( won$t. He has learned this lesson well, e!en if painfully. The (new Nixon( is a !ery careful man when it comes to pu"licity' he smiles constantly for the cameras, tal#s always in friendly platitudes, and turns the other chee# to any sign of hostility. His press relations are (%ust fine,( he says, and if anyone mentions that (final press conference( he held in 67=@, Nixon %ust smiles and changes the su"%ect. He is ma#ing a conscious effort to a!oid antagonizing reporters this time, "ut he is still !ery leery of them. Nixon ta#es all his meals in his room, which he ne!er lea!es except to rush off to one of his (drills( the term he and his staffers use to mean any speech or pu"lic appearance. His staffers sometimes %oin reporters in the "ar, "ut ne!er Nixon. He neither drin#s nor smo#es, they say, and "ars ma#e him ner!ous. Humphrey 0ogart would ha!e ta#en a dim !iew of Nixon. 2t was 0ogart who said, (Hou can$t trust a man who doesn$t drin#.( And it was +aoul 1u#e who said, (2$d ne!er "uy a used car from Nixon unless he was drun#.( .eople who tal# li#e that are not the sort that Nixon li#es to ha!e around, especially when he$s engaged in something else and can$t #eep an eye on them. .erhaps this explains why his staffers got so upset when 2 tried to attend a taping session one afternoon at a TD station in Banchester. Nixon was scheduled to ma#e some tele!ision commercials, featuring himself and a group of citizens in a &uestion and answer session. The press had not "een in!ited' 2 wanted to watch Nixon, howe!er, in a relaxed and informal setting. By re&uest to sit in on the tape session was flatly denied. (This is a commercial taping,( said Henry Hyde. (4ould .rocter 3 *am"le let you into their studiosG Cr FordG( Hyde was a gear and sproc#et salesman in Chicago "efore he "ecame Nixon$s press aide, so 2 wasn$t surprised at his weird analogy. 2 merely shrugged and too# a ca" that afternoon down to the TD station half expecting to "e thrown out the moment 2 showed up. This didn$t happen, perhaps "ecause a C0S camera crew was already there and muttering dar#ly a"out Nixon$s refusal to see them. They left shortly after 2 arri!ed, "ut 2 hung around to see what would happen. The atmosphere was !ery sinister. Nixon was off in another room, as usual, rehearsing with his cast. They spent an hour getting all the &uestions right. Beanwhile Hyde and other staffers too# turns watching me. None of them #new who the (citizens( who were to appear on the program were, or who had chosen them. (They$re %ust people who want to as# him &uestions,( said Hyde. 4hoe!er they were, they were shrouded in great secrecy despite the fact that their faces would soon "e appearing on local TD screens with monotonous regularity. At one point 2 was ma#ing notes near the studio door when it suddenly flew open and two of Nixon$s staffers came at me in a !ery menacing way. (4hat are you writingG( snapped one. (Notes,( 2 said. (4ell, write them on the other side of the room,( said the other. (1on$t stand around this door.( So 2 went to the other side of the room and made some more notes a"out the strange, paranoid "eha!ior that had puzzled me for the past few days. And then 2 went "ac# to the Holiday

124 2nn and waited for the next (drill.( Nixon$s speeches that wee# are hardly worth mentioning except as indisputa"le proof that the (old Nixon( is still with us. Cn Dietnam he echoes Aohnson9 on domestic issues he tal#s li#e +onald +egan. He is a champion of (free enterprise( at home and (peace with honor( a"road. .eople with short memories say he sounds in speeches li#e a (milder !ersion of *oldwater,( or a (Aohnson without a drawl.( 0ut those who recall the 67=: campaign #now exactly whom he sounds li#e9 +ichard Bilhous Nixon. And why shouldn$t heG Nixon$s political philosophy was formed and tested "y the time he "ecame Dice .resident of the -nited States at age ;:. 2t ser!ed him well enough for the next eight years, and in 67=: nearly half the !oters in the country wanted him to "e the next .resident. This is not the "ac#ground of a man who would find any serious reason, at age <<, to change his political philosophy. He has said it himself9 (All this tal# a"out $the new Nixon.$ Bay"e it$s there, "ut perhaps many people didn$t #now the old one.( He understanda"ly disli#es the implications of the term9 The necessity for a (new Nixon( means there must ha!e "een something wrong with the old one, and he strongly disputes that notion. There is pro"a"ly some truth in what he says, if only to the extent that he will now tal# candidly with indi!idual reporters especially those from influential papers and magazines. Some of them ha!e disco!ered to their amazement, that the (pri!ate Nixon( is not the monster they$d always assumed him to "e. 2n pri!ate he can "e friendly and surprisingly fran#, e!en a"out himself. This was ne!er the case with the (old Nixon.( So there is no way of #nowing if the (pri!ate Nixon( was always so different from the pu"lic !ersion. 4e ha!e only his word, and well, he is, after all, a politician running for office, and a !ery shrewd man. After se!eral days of watching his performance in New Hampshire 2 suspected that he$d ta#en a hint from +onald +eagan and hired a pu"lic relations firm to gi!e him a new image. Henry Hyde denied this emphatically, (That$s not his style,( he said. (Br. Nixon runs his own campaigns. Hou$d find that out pretty &uic# if you wor#ed for him.( (That$s a good idea,( 2 said. (How a"out itG( (4hatG( he as#ed humorlessly. (A %o". 2 could write him a speech that would change his image in twenty four hours.( Henry didn$t thin# much of the idea. Humor is scarce in the Nixon camp. The staffers tell %o#es now and then, "ut they$re not !ery funny. Cnly Charley Bc4horter, the resident political expert, seems to ha!e a sense of the a"surd. Cddly enough, Nixon himself shows traces of humor. Not often in pu"lic, despite his aw#ward attempts to %o#e a"out how "ad he loo#s on tele!ision and that sort of thing. E(2 understand the s#iing is great here,( he told one audience. (2$!e ne!er s#ied, "ut( he touched his nose (2 ha!e a personal feeling a"out it.(F )!ery now and then he will smile spontaneously at something, and it$s not the same smile that he "eams at photographers. At one point 2 had a long con!ersation with him a"out pro foot"all. 2$d heard he was a fan, and earlier that night in a speech at a Cham"er of Commerce "an&uet he$d said that he$d "et on Ca#land in the Super 0owl. 2 was curious, and since +ay .rice had arranged for me to ride "ac# to Banchester in Nixon$s car, 2 too# the opportunity to as# him a"out it. Actually, 2 suspected that he didn$t #now foot"all from pig hustling and that he mentioned it from time to time only "ecause his wizards had told him it would ma#e him seem li#e a regular guy. 0ut 2 was wrong. Nixon kno"s pro foot"all. He$d ta#en Ca#land and six points in the Super 0owl, he said, "ecause Dince /om"ardi had told him up in *reen 0ay that the AF/ was much stronger than the sportswriters claimed. Nixon cited Ca#land$s sustained dri!e in the second half as e!idence of their superiority o!er the ,ansas City team that had challenged the .ac#ers in 67=8 and had totally collapsed in the second half. (Ca#land didn$t fold up,( he said. (That second half dri!e

125 had /om"ardi worried.( 2 remem"ered it, and mentioned the scoring play a sideline pass to an un#nown recei!er named 0ill Biller. Nixon hesitated for a moment, then smiled "roadly and slapped me on the leg. (That$s right,( he said. (Hes, the Biami "oy.( 2 couldn$t "elie!e it' he not only #new Biller, "ut he #new what college he$d played for. 2t wasn$t his factual #nowledge of foot"all that stunned me' it was his genuine interest in the game. (Hou #now,( he said, (the worst thing a"out campaigning, for me, is that it ruins my whole foot"all season. 2$m a sports "uff, you #now. 2f 2 had another career, 2$d "e a sportscaster or a sportswriter.( 2 smiled and lit a cigarette. The scene was so unreal that 2 felt li#e laughing out loud to find myself zipping along a New )ngland freeway in a "ig yellow car, "eing chauffeured around "y a detecti!e while 2 relaxed in the "ac# seat and tal#ed a"out foot"all with my old "uddy 1ic# Nixon, the man who came within 6::,::: !otes of causing me to flee the country in 67=:. 2 was on the !erge of mentioning this to him, "ut %ust then we came to the airport and dro!e out on the runway, where his chartered /ear Aet was waiting to zap him off to the wild "lue yonder of Biami for a (thin# session( with his staff. EThere he rises early and wor#s a @: hour day. He s#imps on food "rea#fast is %uice, cereal, and mil#' lunch is a sandwich, and dinner might "e roast "eef or stea#, which he often doesn$t finish and #eeps his weight at a constant 68< pounds. He swims some, suns a lot, yet rarely seems to stop wor#ing. (2$ll say this he has enough stamina to "e .resident,( says 4illiam .. +ogers, an old friend. (He has the most stamina of any man 2 ha!e e!er #nown.(F 4e tal#ed for a while "eside the plane, "ut "y that time 2$d thought "etter of saying anything rude or startling. 2t had "een exceptionally decent of him to gi!e me a ride and an hour of his time, so 2 controlled the almost irresisti"le urge to gig him on his em"ryonic sense of humor. 2t was almost midnight when the slee# little plane "oomed down the runway and lifted off toward Florida. 2 went "ac# to the Holiday 2nn and dran# for a while with Nic# +uwe, the chief ad!ance man for New Hampshire. (2 almost had a heart attac# tonight when 2 loo#ed o!er and saw you po#ing around that %et engine with a cigarette in your mouth,( +uwe said. He shoo# his head in dis"elief. (By *od, what a nightmareI( (Sorry,( 2 said. (2 didn$t realize 2 was smo#ing.( 0ut 2 remem"ered leaning on the wing of the plane, an arm$s length away from the fully loaded fuel tan#. Some"ody should ha!e mentioned the cigarette, 2 thought, and the fact that no"ody did ma#es me wonder now if Nixon$s human machinery is really as foolproof as it seems to "e. Cr perhaps they all noticed 2 was smo#ing and li#e +uwe said nothing at all. Cr perhaps that$s "eside the point. Senator BcCarthy$s success in New Hampshire can hardly "e attri"uted to the hard nosed professionalism of his staff. . . and in his "roader context the Nixon campaign seems flawed. There is a cynicism at the core of it, the confident assumption that success in politics depends more on shrewd techni&ue than on the &uality of the product. The (old Nixon( didn$t ma#e it. Neither did earlier models of the (new Nixon.( So now we ha!e (Nixon Bar# 2D,( and as a %ournalist 2 suppose it$s only fair to say that this latest model might "e different and may"e e!en "etter in some ways. 0ut as a customer, 2 wouldn$t touch it except with a long cattle prod. *ranted, the (new Nixon( is more relaxed, wiser, more mellow. 0ut 2 recognize the man who told a student audience at the -ni!ersity of New Hampshire that one of his "iggest pro"lems in politics has always "een (that 2$m not a good actor, 2 can$t "e phony a"out it, 2 still refuse to wear ma#eup. . .( Three wee#s later this same man, after winning the New Hampshire primary, laughingly attri"uted his !ictory to the new ma#eup he$d "een wearing. He thought he was "eing funny at least on one le!el "ut on another le!el he was telling the a"solute truth. -ageant! Auly 67=>

126

Author.s "ote
1awn is coming up in San Francisco now9 =9:7 A.B. 2 can hear the rum"le of early morning "uses under my window at the Seal +oc# 2nn. . . out here at the far end of *eary Street9 this is the end of the line, for "uses and e!erything else, the western edge of America. From my des# 2 can see the dar# %agged hump of (Seal +oc#( looming out of the ocean in the grey morning light. A"out two hundred seals ha!e "een "ar#ing out there most of the night. Staying in this place with the windows open is li#e li!ing next to a dog pound. /ast night we had a huge paranoid poodle up here in the room, and the dum" "astard went totally out of control when the seals started "ar#ing racing around the room li#e a chic#en hearing a pac# of wol!es outside the window, howling @ whining, leaping up on the "ed 3 scattering my "oo# galley pages all o!er the floor, #noc#ing the phone off the hoo#, upsetting the gin "ottles, trashing my carefully organized stac#s of campaign photographs. . . off to the right of this typewriter, on the floor "etween the "eds. 2 can see an >x6: print of Fran# Ban#iewicz yelling into a telephone at the 1emocratic Con!ention in Biami' "ut that one will ne!er "e used, "ecause the goddamn hound put fi!e "ig claw holes in the middle of Fran#$s chest. That dog will not enter this room again. He came in with the "oo# editor, who went away a"out six hours ago with thirteen finished chapters the "loody product of fifty fi!e consecuti!e hours of sleepless, foodless, high speed editing. 0ut there was no other way to get the thing done. 2 am not an easy person to wor# with, in terms of deadlines. 4hen 2 arri!ed in San Francisco to put this "oo# together, they had a wor# hole set up for me downtown at the Rolling Stone office. . . "ut 2 ha!e a powerful a!ersion to wor#ing in offices, and when 2 didn$t show up for three or four days they decided to do the only logical thing9 mo!e the office out here to the Seal +oc# 2nn. Cne afternoon a"out three days ago they showed up at my door, with no warning, and loaded a"out forty pounds of supplies into the room9 two cases of Bexican "eer, four &uarts of gin, a dozen grapefruits, and enough speed to alter the outcome of six Super 0owls. There was also a "ig Selectric typewriter, two reams of paper, a face cord of oa# firewood and three tape recorders in case the situation got so desperate that 2 might finally ha!e to resort to !er"al composition. 4e came to this point sometime around the thirty third hour, when 2 de!eloped an insolu"le 4riter$s 0loc# and "egan dictating "ig chun#s of the "oo# straight into the microphone pacing around the room at the end of an eighteen foot cord and saying anything that came into my head. 4hen we reached the end of a tape the editor would %er# it out of the machine and drop it into a satchel. . . and e!ery twel!e hours or so a messenger would stop "y to pic# up the tape satchel and ta#e it downtown to the office, where un#nown persons transcri"ed it onto manuscript paper and sent it straight to the printer in +eno. There is a comforta"le #ind of consistency in this #ind of finish, "ecause that$s the way all the rest of the "oo# was written. From 1ecem"er $86 to Aanuary $8? in airport "ars, all nite coffee shops and dreary hotel rooms all o!er the country there is hardly a paragraph in this %angled saga that wasn$t produced in a last minute, teeth grinding frenzy. There was ne!er enough time. )!ery deadline was a crisis. All around me were experienced professional %ournalists meeting deadlines far more fre&uent than mine, "ut 2 was ne!er a"le to learn from their example. +eporters li#e 0ill *reider from the 4ashington .ort and Aim Naughton of the New Hor# Times! for instance, had to file long, detailed, and relati!ely complex stories ever' da' while my own deadline fell e!ery two wee#s "ut neither one of them e!er seemed in a hurry a"out getting their wor# done, and from

127 time to time they would try to console me a"out the terri"le pressure 2 always seemed to "e la"oring under. Any L6:: an hour psychiatrist could pro"a"ly explain this pro"lem to me in thirteen or fourteen sessions, "ut 2 don$t ha!e time for that. No dou"t it has something to do with a deep seated personality defect, or may"e a #in# in whate!er "lood !essel leads into the pineal gland. . . Cn the other hand, it might easily "e something as simple 3 "asically per!erse as whate!er instinct it is that causes a %ac#ra""it to wait until the last possi"le second to dart across the road in front of a speeding car. .eople who claim to #now %ac#ra""its will tell you they are primarily moti!ated "y Fear, Stupidity, and Craziness. 0ut 2 ha!e spent enough time in %ac#ra""it country to #now that most of them lead pretty dull li!es' they are "ored with their daily routines9 eat, fuc#, sleep, hop around a "ush now 3 then. . . No wonder some of them drift o!er the line into cheap thrills once in a while' there has to "e a powerful adrenalin rush in crouching "y the side of a road, waiting for the next set of headlights to come along, then strea#ing out of the "ushes with split second timing and ma#ing it across to the other side %ust inches in front of the speeding front wheels. 4hy notG Anything that gets the adrenalin mo!ing li#e a ;;: !olt "last in a copper "athtu" is good for the reflexes and #eeps the !eins free of cholesterol. . . "ut too many adrenalin rushes in any gi!en time span ha!e the same "ad effect on the ner!ous system as too many electro shoc# treatments are said to ha!e on the "rain9 after a while you start "urning out the circuits. 4hen a %ac#ra""it gets addicted to road running, it is only a matter of time "efore he gets smashed and when a %ournalist turns into a politics %un#ie he will sooner or later start ra!ing and "a""ling in print a"out things that only a person who has 0een There can possi"ly understand. Some of the scenes in this "oo# will not ma#e much sense to any"ody except the people who were in!ol!ed in them. .olitics has its own language, which is often so complex that it "orders on "eing a code, and the main tric# in political %ournalism is learning how to translate to ma#e sense of the partisan "ullshit that e!en your friends will lay on you without crippling your access to the #ind of information that allows you to #eep functioning. Co!ering a presidential campaign is not a hell of a lot different from getting a long term assignment to co!er a newly elected 1istrict Attorney who made a campaign promise to (crac# down on Crganized Crime.( 2n "oth cases, you find unexpected friends on "oth sides, and in order to protect them and to #eep them as sources of pri!ate information you wind up #nowing a lot of things you can$t print, or which you can only say without e!en hinting at where they came from. This was one of the traditional "arriers 2 tried to ignore when 2 mo!ed to 4ashington and "egan co!ering the $8@ presidential campaign. As far as 2 was concerned, there was no such thing as (off the record.( The most consistent and ultimately damaging failure of political %ournalism in America has its roots in the clu""yJcoc#tail personal relationships that ine!ita"ly de!elop "etween politicians and %ournalists in 4ashington or anywhere else where they meet on a day to day "asis. 4hen professional antagonists "ecome after hours drin#ing "uddies, they are not li#ely to turn each other in. . . especially not for (minor infractions( of rules that neither side ta#es seriously' and on the rare occasions when Binor infractions suddenly "ecome Ba%or, there is panic on "oth ends. A classic example of this syndrome was the disastrous ()agleton Affair.( Half of the political %ournalists in St. /ouis and at least a dozen in the 4ashington press corps #new )agleton was a serious "oozer with a history of mental "rea#downs "ut none of them had e!er written a"out it, and the few who were #nown to ha!e mentioned it pri!ately clammed up 6::: percent when Bc*o!ern$s harried staffers "egan ma#ing in&uiries on that fateful Thursday afternoon in Biami. Any 4ashington political reporter who "lows a Senator$s chance for the !ice presidency might as well start loo#ing for another "eat to co!er "ecause his name will "e instant Bud on Capitol Hill. 4hen 2 went to 4ashington 2 was determined to a!oid this #ind of trap. -nli#e most other correspondents, 2 could afford to "urn all my "ridges "ehind me "ecause 2 was only there for a

128 year, and the last thing 2 cared a"out was esta"lishing long term connections on Capitol Hill. 2 went there for two reasons9 E6F to learn as much as possi"le a"out the mechanics and realities of a presidential campaign, and E@F to write a"out it the same way 2$d write a"out anything else as close to the "one as 2 could get, and to hell with the conse&uences. 2t was a fine idea, and on "alance 2 thin# it wor#ed out pretty well "ut in retrospect 2 see two serious pro"lems in that #ind of merciless, "all "usting approach. The most o"!ious and least serious of these was the fact that e!en the few people 2 considered my friends in 4ashington treated me li#e a wal#ing "om"' some were reluctant to e!en drin# with me, for fear that their tongues might get loose and utter words that would almost certainly turn up on the newsstands two wee#s later. The other, more complex, pro"lem had to do with my natural out front "ias in fa!or of the Bc*o!ern candidacy which was not a pro"lem at first, when *eorge was such a hopeless underdog that his staffers saw no harm in tal#ing fran#ly with any %ournalist who seemed friendly and interested "ut when he miraculously emerged as the front runner 2 found myself in a !ery uncomforta"le position. Some of the friends 2$d made earlier, during the months when the idea of Bc*o!ern winning the 1emocratic nomination seemed almost as weird as the appearance of a full time Rolling Stone correspondent on the campaign trail, were no longer %ust a handful of hopeless idealists 2$d "een hanging around with for entirely personal reasons, "ut #ey people in a fast rising mo!ement that suddenly seemed capa"le not only of winning the party nomination "ut dri!ing Nixon out of the 4hite House. Bc*o!ern$s success in the primaries had a lasting effect on my relationship with the people who were running his campaign especially those who had come to #now me well enough to sense that my contempt for the time honored dou"le standard in political %ournalism might not "e entirely compati"le with the increasingly pragmatic style of politics that *eorge was getting into. And their apprehension increased measura"ly as it "ecame o"!ious that dope fiends, anarchists, and 0ig 0eat dropouts were not the only people who read the political co!erage in Rolling Stone. Not long after Bc*o!ern$s "rea#through !ictory in the 4isconsin primary, arch esta"lishment mouthpiece Stewart Alsop went out of his way to &uote some of my more !enomous comments on Bus#ie and Humphrey in his Ne"s"eek column, thus raising me to the le!el of at least neo respecta"ility at a"out the same time Bc*o!ern "egan to loo# li#e a winner. Things were ne!er the same after that. A cloud of hellish intensity had come down on the Bc*o!ern campaign "y the time it rolled into California. Bandates came down from the top, warning staffers to "eware of the press. The only exceptions were reporters who were #nown to ha!e a decent respect for things said (in confidence,( and 2 didn$t fit that description. And so much for all that. The point 2 meant to ma#e here "efore we wandered off on that tangent a"out %ac#ra""its is that e!erything in this "oo# except the footnotes was written under sa!age deadline pressure in the tra!eling !ortex of a campaign so confusing and unpredicta"le that not e!en the participants claimed to #now what was happening. 2 had ne!er co!ered a presidential campaign "efore 2 got into this one, "ut 2 &uic#ly got so hoo#ed on it that 2 "egan "etting on the outcome of each primary and, "y com"ining aggressi!e ignorance with a natural instinct to moc# the con!ential wisdom, 2 managed to win all "ut two of the fifty or sixty "ets 2 made "etween Fe"ruary and No!em"er. By first loss came in New Hampshire, where 2 felt guilty for ta#ing ad!antage of one of Bc*o!ern$s staffers who wanted to "et that *eorge would get more than ?< percent of the !ote' and 2 lost when he wound up with ?8.< percent. 0ut from that point on, 2 won steadily until No!em"er 8, when 2 made the in!aria"ly fatal mista#e of "etting my emotions instead of my instinct. The final result was em"arrassing, "ut what the hellG 2 "lew that one, along with a lot of other people who should ha!e #nown "etter, and since 2 ha!en$t changed anything else in this mass of first draft screeds that 2 wrote during the campaign, 2 can$t find any excuse for changing my final prediction. Any re writing now would cheat the "asic concept of the "oo#, which in addition to

129 the pu"lisher$s desperate idea that it might sell enough copies to co!er the fantastic expense "ills 2 ran up in the course of those twel!e frantic months was to lash the whole thing together and essentially record the realit' of an incredibl' volatile &residential cam&aign "hile it "as ha&&ening: from an eye in the eye of the hurricane, as it were, and there is no way to do that without re%ecting the luxury of hindsight. So this is more a %angled campaign diary than a record or reasoned analysis of the $8@ presidential campaign. 4hate!er 2 wrote in the midnight hours on rented typewriters in all those cluttered hotel rooms along the campaign trail from the 4ayfarer 2nn outside Banchester to the Neil House in Colum"us to the 4ilshire Hyatt House in /.A. and the Fontaine"leau in Biami is no different now than it was "ac# in Barch and Bay and Auly when 2 was cran#ing it out of the typewriter one page at a time and feeding it into the plastic maw of that goddamn Bo%o 4ire to some hash addled frea# of an editor at the Rolling Stone news des# in San Francisco. 4hat 2 would li#e to preser!e here is a #ind of high speed cinematic reel record of what the campaign was li#e at the time! not what the whole thing "oiled down to or how it fits into history. There will "e no shortage of "oo#s co!ering that end. The last count 2 got was %ust "efore Christmas in $8@, when ex Bc*o!ern speech writer Sandy 0erger said at least nineteen people who$d "een in!ol!ed in the campaign were writing "oo#s a"out it so we$ll e!entually get the whole story, for good or ill. Beanwhile, my room at the Seal +oc# 2nn is filling up with people who seem on the !erge of hysteria at the sight of me still sitting here wasting time on a ram"ling introduction, with the final chapter still unwritten and the presses scheduled to start rolling in twenty four hours. . . "ut unless some"ody shows up pretty soon with extremely powerful speed, there might not be any Final Chapter. A"out four fingers of #ing hell Cran# would do the tric#, "ut 2 am not optimistic. There is a definite scarcity of genuine, high !oltage Cran# on the mar#et these days and according to recent statements "y official spo#esmen for the Austice 1epartment in 4ashington, that$s solid e!idence of progress in Cur 4ar Against 1angerous 1rugs. 4ell. . . than# Aesus for that. 2 was "eginning to thin# we were ne!er going to put the arm on that crowd. 0ut the people in 4ashington say we$re finally ma#ing progress. And if any"ody should #now, it$s them. So may"e this country$s a"out to get "ac# on the +ight Trac#. $ST Sunday, Aanuary @>, 678? San Francisco, Seal +oc# 2nn Fear and 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail! San Francisco, Straight Arrow 0oo#s, 678?

9une, 1>B&< The %,Go2ern 9u**ernaut Rolls !n

The press room was crowded two dozen or so ran#ing media wizards, all wearing little egg shaped 21 tags from the Secret Ser!ice9 /eo Sau!ageJ2a Figaro! Aac# .er#insJN0C, +. 4. AppleJN.H. Times. . . the Bc*o!ern campaign went "ig time, for real, in California. No more of that part time, secondary co!erage. Bc*o!ern was suddenly the front runner, perhaps the next .resident, and !irtually e!ery room in the hotel was filled with either staff or media people. . . twel!e new typewriters in the press suite, ten phones, four color TD sets, a well stoc#ed free "ar, e!en a goddamn Bo%o 4ire.S

130
S a#a Terox Telecopier. 4e ha!e many in&uiries a"out this. (Bo%o 4ire( was the name originally gi!en the machine "y its in!entor, +aoul 1u#e. 0ut he signed away the patent, in the throes of a drug frenzy, to Terox "oard chairman Bax .ale!s#y, who claimed the in!ention for himself and renamed it the (Terox Telecopier.( .atent royalties now total L6:: million annually, "ut 1u#e recei!es none of it. At .ale!s#y$s insistence he remains on the Rolling Stone payroll, earning L<: each wee#, "ut his (sports column( is rarely printed and he is formally "arred "y court order, along with a 4rit of .ermanent Constraint, from .ale!s#y$s house 3 grounds.

The gossip in the press room was hea!ier than usual that night9 *ary Hart was a"out to "e fired as Bc*o!ern$s campaign manager' Fred 1utton would replace him. . . Humphrey$s sister had %ust "een arrested in San 1iego on a warrant connected with Hu"ert$s campaign de"ts. . . Bus#ie was offering to support Bc*o!ern if *eorge would agree to ta#e o!er L>::,::: of his EBus#ie$sF campaign de"t. . . 0ut Crouse was nowhere in sight. 2 stood around for a while, trying to piece together a few grisly unsu"stantiated rumors a"out (hea!y pols preparing to ta#e o!er the whole Bc*o!ern campaign(. . . Se!eral people had chun#s of the story, "ut no"ody had a real #ey' so 2 left to go "ac# down to my room to thin# for a while. That was when 2 ran into Ban#iewicz, pic#ing a handful of thum"tac#ed messages off the "ulletin "oard outside the doors. (2 ha!e a !ery weird story for you,( 2 said. He eyed me cautiously. (4hat is itG( (Come o!er here,( 2 said motioning him to follow me down the corridor to a &uiet place. . . Then 2 told him what 2 had heard a"out Humphrey$s midnight air courier to Degas. He stared down at the carpet, not seeming particularly interested "ut when 2 finished he loo#ed up and said, (4here$d you hear thatG( 2 shrugged, sensing definite interest now. (4ell, 2 was tal#ing to some people at a place called The /osers, and ( (4ith ,ir"yG( he snapped. (No,( 2 said. (2 went o!er there loo#ing for him, "ut he wasn$t around.( 4hich was true. )arlier that day ,ir"y Aones, Bc*o!ern$s press secretary, had told me he planned to stop "y The /osers Clu" later on, "ecause 4arren 0eatty had recommended it highly. . . "ut when 2 stopped "y around midnight there was no sign of him. Ban#iewicz was not satisfied. (4ho was thereG( he as#ed. (Some of our peopleG 4ho was itG( (No"ody you$d #now,( 2 said. (0ut what a"out this Humphrey storyG 4hat can you tell me a"out itG( (Nothing,( he said, glancing o!er his shoulder at a "urst of yelling from the press room. Then9 (4hen$s your next issue coming outG( (Thursday.( (0efore the electionG( (Heah, and so far 2 don$t ha!e anything worth a shit to write a"out "ut this thing sounds interesting.( He nodded, staring down at the floor again, then shoo# his head. (/isten,( he said. (Hou could cause a lot of trou"le for us "y printing a thing li#e that. They$d #now where it came from, and they$d %er# our man right out.( (4hat manG( He stared at me, smiling faintly. At this point the story "ecomes !ery slippery, with many loose ends and dar# shadows "ut the nut was !ery simple9 2 had "lundered almost completely "y accident on a flat out "yzantine spoo# story. There was nothing timely or particularly newsworthy a"out it, "ut when your deadline

131 is e!ery two wee#s you don$t tend to worry a"out things li#e scoops and news"rea#s. 2f Ban#iewicz had "ro#en down and admitted to me that night that he was actually a +ed Chinese agent and that Bc*o!ern had no pulse, 2 wouldn$t ha!e #nown how to handle it and the tension of trying to #eep that #ind of heinous news to myself for the next four days until Rolling Stone went to press would almost certainly ha!e caused me to loc# myself in my hotel room with eight &uarts of 4ild Tur#ey and all the 2"ogaine 2 could get my hands on. So this strange tale a"out Humphrey 3 Degas was not especially ne"s"orth'! "y my standards. 2ts only real !alue, in fact, was the rare flash of contrast it pro!ided to the insane tedium of the surface campaign. 2mportant or not, this was something !ery different9 midnight flights to Degas, mo" money funneled in from casinos to pay for Hu"ert$s TD spots' spies, runners, counterspies' cryptic phone calls from airport phone "ooths. . . 2ndeed' the dar# under"elly of "ig time politics. A useless story, no dou"t, "ut it sure "eat the hell out of getting "ac# on that goddamn press "us and "eing hauled out to some shopping center in *ardena and watching Bc*o!ern sha#e hands for two hours with lumpy housewi!es. -nfortunately, all 2 really #new a"out what 2 called - 6? story was the general outline and %ust enough #ey points to con!ince Ban#iewicz that 2 might "e irresponsi"le enough to go ahead and try to write the thing anyway. All 2 #new or thought 2 #new at that point was that some"ody !ery close to the top of the Humphrey campaign had made secret arrangements for a night flight to Degas in order to pic# up a large "undle of money from unidentified persons presumed to "e sinister, and that this money would "e used "y Humphrey$s managers to finance another one of Hu"ert$s ele!enth hour fast finish "litz#riegs. )!en then, a wee# "efore the !ote, he was thought to "e running ten points and may"e more "ehind Bc*o!ern and since the a!erage daily media expenditure for each candidate in the California primary was roughly L?:,::: a day, Humphrey would need at least twice that amount to pay for the orgy of exposure he would need to o!ercome a ten point lead. No less than a &uic# L<::,:::. The people in Degas were apparently willing to spring for it, "ecause the plane was already chartered and ready to go when Bc*o!ern$s head&uarters got word of the flight from their executi!e le!el spy in the Humphrey campaign. His identity remains a mystery in the pu"lic prints, at least "ut the handful of people aware of him say he performed in!alua"le ser!ices for many months. His function in the - 6? gig was merely to call Bc*o!ern head&uarters and tell them a"out the Degas plane. At this point, my second or third hand source was not sure what happened next. According to the story, two Bc*o!ern operati!es were instantly dispatched to #eep around the cloc# watch on the plane for the next se!enty two hours, and some"ody from Bc*o!ern head&uarters called Humphrey and warned him that they #new what he was up to. 2n any case, the plane ne!er too# off and there was no e!idence in the last wee# of the campaign to suggest that Hu"ert got a last minute influx of money, from Degas or anywhere else. This is as much of the - 6? story as 2 could piece together without help from some"ody who #new the details and Ban#iewicz finally agreed, insisting the whole time that he #new nothing a"out the story except that he didn$t want to see it in print "efore election day, that if 2 wanted to hold off until the next issue he would put me in touch with some"ody who would tell me the whole story for good or ill. (Call Biles +u"in,( he said, (and tell him 2 told you to as# him a"out this. He$ll fill you in.( That was fine, 2 said. 2 was in no special hurry for the story, anyway. So 2 let it ride for a few days, missing my deadline for that issue. . . and on 4ednesday 2 "egan trying to get hold of Biles +u"in, one of Bc*o!ern$s top managers for California. All 2 #new a"out +u"in "efore 2 called was that se!eral days earlier he had thrown 4ashington -ost correspondent 1a!id 0roder out of his

132 office for as#ing too many &uestions less than twenty four hours "efore 0roder appeared on +u"in$s TD screen as one of the three interrogators on the first HumphreyJBc*o!ern de"ate. By own experience with +u"in turned out to "e %ust a"out par for the course. 2 finally got through to him "y telephone on Friday, and explained that Ban#iewicz had told me to call him and find out the details of the - 6? story. 2 started to say we could meet for a "eer or two sometime later that afternoon and he could (Are you #iddingG( he cut in. (That$s one story you$re ne!er going to hear.( (4hatG( (There$s no point e!en tal#ing a"out it,( he said flatly. Then he launched into a three minute spiel a"out the fantastic honesty and integrity that characterized the Bc*o!ern campaign from top to "ottom, and why was it that people li#e me didn$t spend more time writing a"out The Truth and The 1ecency and The 2ntegrity, instead of pic#ing around the edge for minor things that weren$t important anywayG (Aesus ChristI( 2 muttered. 4hy argueG *etting anything "ut pompous "ullshit and gi""erish out of +u"in would "e li#e trying to steal meat from a hammerhead shar#. (Than#s,( 2 said, and hung up. That night 2 found Ban#iewicz in the press room and told him what had happened. He couldn$t understand it, he said. 0ut he would tal# to Biles tomorrow and straighten it out. 2 was not optimistic' and "y that time 2 was "eginning to agree that the - 6? story was not worth the effort. The 0ig Story in California, after all, was that Bc*o!ern was on the "rin# of loc#ing up a first "allot nomination in Biami and that Hu"ert Humphrey was a"out to get stomped so "adly at the polls that he might ha!e to "e carried out of the state in a ru""er sac#. The next time 2 saw Ban#iewicz was on the night "efore the election and he seemed !ery tense, !ery strong into the g%la monster trip. . . and when 2 started to as# him a"out +u"in he "egan ridiculing the story in a D)+H /C-1 DC2C), so 2 figured it was time to forget it. Se!eral days later 2 learned the reason for Fran#$s "ad ner!es that night. Bc*o!ern$s fat lead o!er Humphrey, which had ho!ered "etween 6; and @: percentage points for more than a wee#, had gone into a sudden and apparently uncontrolla"le di!e in the final days of the campaign. 0y election e!e it had shrun# to fi!e points, and perhaps e!en less. The shrin#age crisis was a closely guarded secret among Bc*o!ern$s top command. Any lea# to the press could ha!e led to disastrous headlines on Tuesday morning9 )lection 1ay. . . BC*CD)+N FA/T)+S' H-B.H+)H C/CS2N* *A.. . . a headline li#e that in either the /os Angeles Times or the San Francisco /hronicle might ha!e thrown the election to Humphrey "y generating a last minute SympathyJ-nderdog turnout and whipping Hu"ert$s field wor#ers into a frenzied (get out the !ote( effort. 0ut the grim word ne!er lea#ed, and "y noon on Tuesday an almost !isi"le wa!e of relief rolled through the Bc*o!ern camp. The di#e would hold, they felt, at roughly fi!e percent. The coolest man in the whole Bc*o!ern entourage on Tuesday was *eorge Bc*o!ern himself who had spent all day Bonday on airplanes, racing from one critical situation to another. Cn Bonday morning he flew down to San 1iego for a ma%or rally' then to New Bexico for another final hour rally on the e!e of the New Bexico primary Ewhich he won the next day along with New Aersey and South 1a#otaF. . . and finally on Bonday night to Houston for a "rief, unscheduled appearance at the National *o!ernors$ Conference, which was rumored to "e "rewing up a (stop Bc*o!ern( mo!ement. After defusing the crisis in Houston he got a few hours$ sleep "efore racing "ac# to /os Angeles to deal with another emergency9 His @@ year old daughter was ha!ing a premature "a"y and first reports from the hospital hinted at serious complications.

133 0ut "y noon the crisis had passed, and somewhere sometime around one he arri!ed with his praetorian guard of eight Secret Ser!ice agents at Bax .ale!#sy$s house in 0el Air, where he immediately changed into swimming trun#s and do!e into the pool. The day was grey and cool, no hint of sun, and none of the other guests seemed to feel li#e swimming. For a !ariety of tangled reasons primarily "ecause my wife was one of the guests in the house that wee#end 2 was there when Bc*o!ern arri!ed. So we tal#ed for a while, mainly a"out the possi"ility of either Bus#ie or Humphrey dropping out of the race and %oining forces with *eorge if the price was right. . . and it occurred to me afterward that it was the first time he$d e!er seen me without a "eer can in my hand or "a""ling li#e a loon a"out Frea# .ower, election "ets, or some other twisted su"%ect. . . "ut he was #ind enough not to mention this. 2t was a !ery relaxed afternoon. The only tense moment occurred when 2 noticed a sort of narrow loo#ing man with a distinctly predatory appearance standing off "y himself and glowering down at the white telephone as if he planned to %er# it out "y the root if it didn$t ring within ten seconds and tell him e!erything he wanted to #now. (4ho the hell is that." 2 as#ed, pointing across the pool at him. (That$s Biles +u"in,( some"ody replied. (Aesus,( 2 said. (2 should ha!e guessed.( Boments later my curiosity got the "etter of me and 2 wal#ed o!er to +u"in and introduced myself. (2 understand they$re going to put you in charge of press relations after Biami,( 2 said as we shoo# hands. He said something 2 didn$t understand, then hurried away. For a moment 2 was tempted to call him "ac# and as# if 2 could feel his pulse. 0ut the moment passed and 2 %umped into the pool, instead.S
S /ater in the campaign, when +u"in and 2 "ecame reasona"ly good friends, he told me that the true story of the (- 6?( was essentially the same as the !ersion 2$d pieced together in California. The only thing 2 didn$t #now, he said, was that Humphrey e!entually got the money anyway. For some reason, the story as 2 originally wrote it was almost uni!ersally dismissed as (%ust another one of Thompson$s Ban#iewicz fa"les.(

The rest of the day disintegrated into chaos, drun#enness, and the #ind of hysterical fatigue that comes from spending too much time racing from one place to another and "eing sho!ed around in crowds. Bc*o!ern won the 1emocratic primary "y exactly fi!e percent ;< to ;: and Nixon came from "ehind in the *C. race to nip Ash"roo# "y >8 to 6?. She was gonna "e an actress and 2 was gonna learn to fly She too# off to find the footlights and 2 too# off to find the s#y Ta i "y Harry Chapin *eorge Bc*o!ern$s &ueer idea that he could get himself elected .resident on the 1emocratic tic#et "y dancing a muted whipsong on the corpse of the 1emocratic .arty is suddenly "eginning to loo# !ery sane, and !ery possi"le. For the last fi!e or six days in California, Bc*o!ern$s campaign was co!ered from dawn to midnight "y fifteen or twenty camera crews, se!enty fi!e to a hundred still photographers, and anywhere from fifty to two hundred linearJwriting press types. The media crowd descended on Bc*o!ern li#e a swarm of wild "ees, and there was not one of them who dou"ted that heJshe was co!ering The 4inner. The sense of impending !ictory around the pool at the 4ilshire Hyatt House was as sharp and all per!asi!e as the gloom and desperation in Hu"ert Humphrey$s national staff head&uarters a"out ten miles west at the far more chic# and fashiona"le 0e!erly Hilton. 2n the Bc*o!ern press suite the "ig time reporters were playing stud po#er six or eight of

134 them, hun#ered down in their shirt slee!es and loose ties around a long white cloth co!ered ta"le with a pile of dollar "ills in the middle and the "ar a"out three feet "ehind Tom 4ic#er$s chair at the far end. At the other end of the room, to 4ic#er$s left, there were three more long white ta"les, with four identical "ig typewriters on each one and a pile of white legal size paper stac#ed neatly "eside each typewriter. At the other end of the room, to 4ic#er$s right, was a comforta"le couch and a giant floor model @; inch Botorola color TD set. . . the screen was so large that 1ic# Ca!ett$s head loo#ed almost as "ig as 4ic#er$s, "ut the sound was turned off and no"ody at the po#er ta"le was watching the TD set anyway. Bort Sahl was dominating the screen with a seemingly endless, "orderline hysteria monologue a"out a "unch of politicians he didn$t ha!e much use for EBus#ie, Humphrey, Bc*o!ernF and two others EShirley Chisholm and former New Crleans 1A Aim *arrisonF that he li#ed. 2 #new this, "ecause 2 had %ust come up the outside stairway from my room one floor "elow to get some typing paper, and 2$d "een watching the Ca!ett show on my own @6 inch Botorola color TD. 2 paused at the door for a moment, then edged around to the po#er ta"le towards the nearest stac# of paper. (Ah, decadence, decadence. . .( 2 muttered. (Sooner or later it was "ound to come to this.( ,ir"y Aones loo#ed up and grinned. (4hat are you "itching a"out this time, HunterG 4hy are you always "itchingG( (Ne!er mind that,( 2 said. (Hou owe me L@: 3 2 want it now.( (4hatG( he loo#ed shoc#ed. (Twenty dollars for whatG( 2 nodded solemnly. (2 #new you$d try to welsh. 1on$t tell me you don$t remem"er that "et.( (4hat "etG( (The one we made on the train in Ne"ras#a,( 2 said. (Hou said 4allace wouldn$t get more than ?:: delegates. . . 0ut he already has ?68, and 2 want that L@:.( He shoo# his head. (4ho sa's he has that manyG Hou$!e "een reading the New Hor# Times again.( He chuc#led and glanced at 4ic#er, who was dealing. (/et$s wait until the con!ention, Hunter, things might "e different then.( (Hou pig,( 2 muttered, easing toward the door with my paper. (2$!e "een hearing a lot a"out how the Bc*o!ern campaign is finally turning dishonest, "ut 2 didn$t "elie!e it until now.( He laughed and turned his attention "ac# to the game. (All "ets are paya"le in Biami, Hunter. That$s when we$ll count the mar"les.( 2 shoo# my head sadly and left the room. Aesus, 2 thought, these "astards are getting out of hand. Here we were still a wee# away from 1 day in California, and the Bc*o!ern press suite was already "eginning to loo# li#e some #ind of Aefferson Aac#son 1ay stag dinner. 2 glanced "ac# at the crowd around the ta"le and realized that not one of them had "een in New Hampshire. This was a totally different crowd, for good or ill. /oo#ing "ac# on the first few wee#s of the New Hampshire campaign, it seemed so different from what was happening in California that it was hard to ad%ust to the idea that it was still the same campaign. The difference "etween a slee# front runner$s act in /os Angeles and the spartan, almost s#eletal machinery of an underdog operation in Banchester was almost more than the mind could deal with all at once.S
S California was the first primary where the Bc*o!ern campaign was o"!iously well financed. 2n 4isconsin, where Bc*o!ern$s money men had told him pri!ately that they would withdraw their support if he didn$t finish first or a !ery close second, the press had to pay fifty cents a "eer in the hospitality suite.

Four months ago on a frozen grey afternoon in New Hampshire the Bc*o!ern (press "us( rolled into the empty par#ing lot of a motel on the outs#irts of .ortsmouth. 2t was ?9?: or so, and we had an hour or so to #ill "efore the Senator would arri!e "y air from 4ashington and lead us

135 downtown for a hand sha#ing gig at the 0ooth fishwor#s. The "ar was closed, "ut one of Bc*o!ern$s ad!ance men had arranged a sort of "eerJ"ooze and sandwich meat smorgas"ord for the press in a lounge %ust off the lo""y. . . so all six of us clim"ed out of the "us, which was actually an old three seater airport limousine, and 2 went inside to #ill time. Cf the six passengers in the (press "us,( three were local Bc*o!ern !olunteers. The other three were Ham 1a!is from the .ro!idence Journal! Tim Crouse from the Rolling Stone 0oston 0ureau, and me. Two more mediaJpress people were already inside9 1on 0ruc#ner from the /os Angeles Times! and Bichelle Clar# from C0S.S
S The New Hampshire primary was Bichelle$s first assignment in national politics. (2 don$t ha!e the !aguest idea what 2$m doing,( she told me. (2 thin# they$re %ust letting me get my feet wet.( Three months later, when Bc*o!ern miraculously emerged as the front runner, Bichelle was still co!ering him. 0y that time her star was rising almost as fast as Bc*o!ern$s. At the 1emocratic Con!ention in Biami, 4alter Cron#ite announced on the air that she had %ust "een officially named (correspondent.( Cn 1ecem"er >, 678@, Bichelle Clar# died in a plane crash at Bidway Airport in Chicago the same plane crash that #illed the wife of 4atergate defendant Howard Hunt.

There was also 1ic# 1ougherty, who has %ust &uit his %o" as chief of the /.A. Times New Hor# "ureau to "ecome *eorge Bc*o!ern$s press secretary, speechwriter, main fixer, ad!ance man, and all purpose tra!eling wizard. 1ougherty and 0ruc#ner were sitting off "y themsel!es at a corner ta"le when the rest of us straggled into the lounge and filled our plates at the smorgas"ord ta"le9 oli!es, carrots, celery stal#s, salami, de!iled eggs. . . "ut when 2 as#ed for "eer, the middle aged waitress who was also the des# cler# said "eer (wasn$t included( in (the arrangements,( and that if 2 wanted any 2 would ha!e to pay cash for it. (That$s fine,( 2 said. (0ring me three 0udweisers.( She nodded. (4ith three glassesG( (No. Cne glass.( She hesitated, then wrote the order down and lum"ered off toward where!er she #ept the "eer. 2 carried my plate o!er to an empty ta"le and sat down to eat and read the local paper. . . "ut there was no salt and pepper on the ta"le, so 2 went "ac# up to the smorgas"ord to loo# for it 3 "umped into some"ody in a tan gar"ardine suit who was &uietly loading his plate with carrots 3 salami. (Sorry.( 2 said. (.ardon me!" he replied. 2 shrugged and went "ac# to my ta"le with the salt and pepper. The only noise in the room was coming from the /.A. Times corner. )!ery"ody else was either reading or eating, or "oth. The only person in the room not sitting down was the man in the tan suit at the smorgas"ord ta"le. He was still fum"ling with the food, #eeping his "ac# to the room. . . There was something familiar a"out him. Nothing special "ut enough to ma#e me glance up again from my newspaper' a su"liminal recognition flash of some #ind, or may"e %ust the idle %ournalistic curiosity that gets to "e a ha"it after a while when you find yourself drifting around in the ner!ous mur# of some story with no apparent meaning or spine to it. 2 had come up to New Hampshire to write a long thing on the Bc*o!ern campaign "ut after twel!e hours in Banchester 2 hadn$t seen much to indicate that it actually existed, and 2 was "eginning to wonder what the fuc# 2 was going to write a"out for that issue. There was no sign of communcation in the room. The press people, as usual, were going out of their way to ignore each other$s existence. Ham 1a!is was "rooding o!er the New Hor# Times! Crouse was re arranging the contents of his #napsac#, Bichelle Clar# was staring at her fingernails, 0ruc#ner and 1ougherty were trading Sam Horty %o#es. . . and the man in the tan suit was still

136 shuffling "ac# and forth at the smorgas"ord ta"le totally a"sor"ed in it, studying the carrots. . . Aesus ChristI 2 thought. The CandidateI That crouching figure up there at the food ta"le is *eorge Bc*o!ern. 0ut where was his entourageG And why hadn$t any"ody else noticed himG 4as he actually alone. No, that was impossi"le. 2 had ne!er seen a presidential candidate mo!ing around in pu"lic without at least ten speedy (aides( surrounding him at all times. So 2 watched him for a while, expecting to see his aides floc#ing in from the lo""y at any moment. . . "ut it slowly dawned on me that The Candidate was "y himself: there were no aides, no entourage, and no"ody else in the room had e!en noticed his arri!al. This made me !ery ner!ous. Bc*o!ern was o"!iously waiting for some"ody to greet him, #eeping his "ac# to the room, not e!en loo#ing around so there was no way for him to #now that no"ody in the room e!en #new he was there. Finally 2 got up and wal#ed across to the food ta"le, watching Bc*o!ern out of the corner of one eye while 2 pic#ed up some oli!es, fetched another "eer out of the ice "uc#et. . . and finally reached o!er to tap The Candidate on the arm and introduce myself. (Hello, Senator. 4e met a few wee#s ago at Tom 0raden$s house in 4ashington.( He smiled and reached out to sha#e hands. (Cf course, of course,( he said. (4hat are you doing up hereG( (Not much, so far,( 2 said. (4e$!e "een waiting for 'ou.( He nodded, still po#ing around with the cold cuts. 2 felt !ery uneasy. Cur last encounter had "een somewhat %angled. He had %ust come "ac# from New Hampshire, !ery tired and depressed, and when he arri!ed at 0raden$s house we had already finished dinner and 2 was getting hea!ily into drin#. By memory of that e!ening is somewhat dim, "ut e!en in dimness 2 recall "eating my gums at top speed for a"out two hours a"out how he was doing e!erything wrong and how helpless it was for him to thin# he could e!en accomplish anything with that goddamn al"atross of a 1emocratic .arty on his nec#, and that if he had any real sense he would ma#e drastic alterations in the whole style 3 tone of his campaign and remodel it along the lines of the Aspen Frea# .ower -prising, specifically, along the lines of my own extremely weird and ner!e rattling campaign for Sheriff of .it#in County, Colorado. Bc*o!ern had listened politely, "ut two wee#s later in New Hampshire there was no e!idence to suggest that he had ta#en my ad!ice !ery seriously. He was sitll plodding along in the passi!eJunderdog role, still dri!ing "ac# 3 forth across the state in his lonely one car motorcade to tal# with small groups of people in rural li!ing rooms. Nothing hea!y, nothing wild or electric. All he was offering, he said, was a rare and admittedly lonsghot opportunity to !ote for an honest and intelligent presidential candidate. A !ery strange option, in any year "ut in mid Fe"ruary of 678@ there were no !isi"le signs, in New Hampshire, that the citizenry was a"out to rise up and dri!e the swine out of the temple. 0eyond that, it was a"solutely clear according to the 4izards, *urus, and *entlemen Aournalists in 4ashington that 0ig )d Bus#ie, the Ban from Baine, had the 1emocratic nomination so deep in the "ag that it was hardly worth arguing a"out. No"ody argued with the things Bc*o!ern said. He was right, of course "ut no"ody too# him !ery seriously, either. . . 89;< A.B. . . The sun is fighting through the smog now, a hot grey glow on the street "elow my window. Friday morning "usiness wor#er traffic is "eginning to clog 4ilshire 0oule!ard and the *lendale Federal Sa!ings par#ing lot across the street is filling up with cars. Slump shouldered girls are scurrying into the "ig Title 2nsurance 3 Trust Company and Croc#er National 0an# "uildings, rushing to punch in on the time cloc# "efore >9::.

137 2 can loo# down from my window and see the two Bc*o!ern press "uses loading. ,ir"y Aones, the press secretary, is standing "y the door of the No. 6 "us and herding two groggy C0S cameramen a"oard li#e some #ind of latter day Noah getting goats a"oard the ar#. ,ir"y is responsi"le for #eeping the Bc*o!ern pressJmedia crowd happy or at least happy enough to ma#e sure they ha!e the time and facilities to report whate!er Bc*o!ern, Ban#iewicz, and the other Bain 0oys want to see and read on tonight$s TD news and in tomorrow$s newspapers. /i#e any other good press secretary, ,ir"y doesn$t mind admitting off the record that his lo!e of .ure Truth is often tempered "y circumstances. His %o" is to con!ince the press that e!erything The Candidate says is e!en now "eing car!ed on stone ta"lets. The Truth is whate!er *eorge says' this is all ye #now and all ye need to #now. 2f Bc*o!ern says today that the most important issue in the California primary is a"olition of the sodomy statues, ,ir"y will do e!erything in his power to con!ince e!ery"ody on the press "us that the sodomy statues must "e a"olished. . . and if *eorge decides tomorrow that his pro sodomy gig isn$t ma#ing it with the !oters, ,ir"y will get "ehind a &uic# press release to the effect that (new e!idence from pre!iously o"scure sources( has con!inced the Senator that what he really meant to say was that sodomy itself should "e a"olished. This #ind of fancy footwor# was executed a lot easier "ac# there in the early primaries than it is now. Since 4isconsin, Bc*o!ern$s words ha!e "een watched !ery carefully. 0oth his mushrooming media entourage and his dwindling num"er of opponents ha!e pounced on anything e!en !aguely contro!ersial or potentially damaging in his speeches, press conferences, position papers, or e!en idle comments. Bc*o!ern is !ery sensiti!e a"out this sort of thing, and for excellent reason. 2n three of the last four "ig primaries EChio, Ne"ras#a 3 CaliforniaF he has spent an alarmingly "ig chun# of his campaign time den'ing that "ehind his calm and decent facade he is really a sort of Tro%an Horse candidate coming on in pu"lic as a "ucolic Aeffersonian 1emocrat while secretly plotting to seize the reins of power and turn them o!er at midnight on 2nauguration 1ay to a +ed "ent hell"roth of radicals, 1opers, Traitors, Sex Fiends, Anarchists, 4inos, and (extremists( of e!ery description. The assault "egan in Chio, when the Senator from 0oeing EHenry Aac#son, 1 4ash.F "egan telling e!ery"ody his ad!ance man could round up to listen to him that Bc*o!ern was not only a Bari%uana Sympathizer, "ut also a Fellow Tra!eler. . . Not e actl' a dope suc#er and a card carrying +ed, "ut almost. 2n Ne"ras#a it was Humphrey, and although he dropped the Fellow Tra!eler slur, he added Amnesty and A"ortion to the Bari%uana charge and caused Bc*o!ern considera"le grief. 0y election day the situation was so grim in traditionally conser!ati!e, Catholic Cmaha that it loo#ed li#e Bc*o!ern might actually lose the Ne"ras#a primary, one of the #ingpins in his Co!erall strategy. Se!eral hours after the polls closed the mood in the Cmaha Hilton Situation +oom was extremely glum. The first returns showed Humphrey well ahead, and %ust "efore 2 was thrown out 2 heard 0ill 1ougherty /t. *o!. of South 1a#ota and one of Bc*o!ern$s close friends and personal ad!isors saying9 (4e$re gonna get zinged tonight, fol#s.( 2t was almost midnight "efore the out state returns "egan offsetting Hu"ert$s "ig lead in Cmaha, and "y @9:: A.B. on 4ednesday it was clear that Bc*o!ern would win although the final = percent margin was a"out half of what had "een expected ten days earlier, "efore Humphrey$s local allies had fouled the air with alarums a"out Amnesty, A"ortion, and Bari%uana. Sometime around 669?: 2 was readmitted to the Situation +oom "ecause they wanted to use my porta"le radio to get the final results and 2 remem"er seeing *ene .o#orny slumped in a chair with his shoes off and a loo# of great relief on his face. .o#orny, the architect of Bc*o!ern$s "rea#through !ictory in 4isconsin, was also the campaign manager of Ne"ras#a, his home state, and

138 a loss there would ha!e "adly affected his future. )arlier that day in the hotel coffee shop 2$d heard him as#ing *ary Hart which state he would "e assigned to after Ne"ras#a. (4ell, *ene,( Hart replied with a thin smile. (That depends on what happens tonight, doesn$t itG( .o#orny stared at him, "ut said nothing. /i#e almost all the other #ey people on the staff, he was eager to mo!e on to California. (Heah,( Hart continued. (4e were planning on sending you out to California from here, "ut recently 2$!e "een thin#ing more and more a"out that slot we ha!e open in the 0utte, Bontana office.( Again, .o#orny said nothing. . . "ut two wee#s later, with Ne"ras#a safely in the "ag, he turned up in Fresno and hammered out another Bc*o!ern !ictory in the critically important Central Dalley. And that slot in 0utte is still open. . . 4hich is getting a "it off the point here. 2ndeed. 4e are drifting "adly from motorcycles to Ban#iewicz to Cmaha, 0utte, Fresno. . . where will it endG The point, 2 thin#, was that in "oth the Chio and Ne"ras#a primaries, "ac# to "ac#, Bc*o!ern was confronted for the first time with the politics of the ra""it punch and the groin shot, and in "oth states he found himself dangerously !ulnera"le to this #ind of thing. 1irty politics confused him. He was not ready for it and especially not from his fine old friend and neigh"or, Hu"ert Humphrey. Toward the end of the Ne"ras#a campaign he was spending most of his pu"lic time explaining that he was Not for a"ortion on demand. Not for legalized Bari%uana, Not for unconditional amnesty. . . and his staff was "ecoming more and more concerned that their man had "een put completely on the defensi!e. This is one of the oldest and most effecti!e tric#s in politics. )!ery hac# in the "usiness has used it in times of trou"le, and it has e!en "een ele!ated to the le!el of political mythology in a story a"out one of /yndon Aohnson$s early campaigns in Texas. The race was close and Aohnson was getting worried. Finally he told his campaign manager to start a massi!e rumor campaign a"out his opponent$s life long ha"it of en%oying carnal #nowledge of his own "arnyard sows. (Christ, we can$t get away with calling him a pig fuc#er,( the campaign manager protested. (No"ody$s going to "elie!e a thing li#e that.( (2 #now,( Aohnson replied. (0ut let$s ma#e the sonofa"itch den' it.( Bc*o!ern has not learned to cope with this tactic yet. Humphrey used it again in California, with different issues, and once again *eorge found himself wor#ing o!ertime to deny wild, "aseless charges that he was9 E6F .lanning to scuttle "oth the Na!y and the Air Force, along with the whole Aerospace industry, and E@F He was a sworn foe of all Aews, and if he e!er got to the 4hite House he would immediately cut off all military aid to 2srael and sit on his hands while +ussian e&uipped Ara" legions dro!e the Aews into the sea. Bc*o!ern scoffed at these charges, dismissing them as (ridiculous lies,( and repeatedly explained his position on "oth issues "ut when they counted the !otes on election night it was o"!ious that "oth the Aews and the Aerospace wor#ers in Southern California had ta#en Humphrey$s "ait. All that sa!ed Bc*o!ern in California was a long o!erdue success among "lac# !oters, strong support from chicanos, and a massi!e pro Bc*o!ern Houth Dote. This is a !ery healthy power "ase, if he can #eep it together "ut it is not enough to "eat Nixon in No!em"er unless Bc*o!ern can figure out some way to articulate his tax and welfare positions a hell of a lot more effecti!ely than he did in California. )!en Hu"ert Humphrey managed to get Bc*o!ern tangled up in his own economic proposals from time to time during their TD de"ates in California despite the fact that toward the end of that campaign Humphrey$s senile condition was so o"!ious that e!en 2 "egan feeling sorry for him. 2ndeed. Sorry. Senile. Sic#. Tangled. . . That$s exactly how 2$m "eginning to feel. All those words and many others, "ut my "rain is too num" to spit them out of the memory "an# at this time.

139 No person in my condition has any "usiness tal#ing a"out Hu"ert Humphrey$s "eha!ior. By "rain has slowed down to the point of almost helpless stupor. 2 no longer e!en ha!e the energy to grind my own teeth. So this article is not going to end the way 2 thought it would. . . and loo#ing "ac# at the lead 2 see that it didn$t e!en start that way either. As for the middle, 2 can "arely remem"er it. There was something a"out ma#ing a deal with Ban#iewicz and then Seizing .ower in American Samoa, "ut 2 don$t feel ready right now. Bay"e later. . . 4ay out on the far left corner of this des# 2 see a note that says (Call Ban#iewicz Biami Hotel rooms.( That$s right. He was holding three rooms for us at the con!ention. .ro"a"ly 2 should call him right away and firm that up. . . or may"e not. 0ut what the hellG These things can wait. 0efore my arms go num" there were one or two points 2 wanted to ma#e. This is certainly no time for any hea!y speculation or long range analysis on any su"%ect at all, "ut especially not on anything as !olatile and complex as the immediate future of *eorge Bc*o!ern !is U !is the 1emocratic .arty. Het it is hard to a!oid the idea that Bc*o!ern has put the .arty through some !ery drastic changes in the last few months. The *ood Cle 0oys are not pleased with him. 0ut they can$t get a grip on him either and now, less than three wee#s "efore the con!ention, he is so close to a first "allot !ictory that the old hac#s and ward heelers who thought they had total control of the .arty less than six months ago find themsel!es s#ul#ing around li#e old winos in the side alleys of presidential politics first stripped of their power to select and control delegations, then re%ected as delegates themsel!es when 0ig )d too# his o!ercrowded "andwagon o!er the high side on the first lap. . . and now, incredi"le as it still seems to most of them, they will not e!en "e allowed into the .arty con!ention next month. Cne of the first people 2 plan to spea# with when 2 get to Biami is /arry C$0rien9 sha#e "oth of his hands and extend powerful congratulations to him for the %o" he has done on the .arty. 2n Aanuary of 67=> the 1emocratic .arty was so fat and confident that it loo#ed li#e they might #eep control of the 4hite House, the Congress, and in fact the whole -.S. *o!ernment almost indefinitely. Now, four and a half years later, it is a useless "an#rupt hul#. )!en if Bc*o!ern wins the 1emocratic nomination, the .arty machinery won$t "e of much use to him, except as a !ehicle. (Traditional .olitics with a Dengeance( is *ary Hart$s phrase a nutshell concept that pretty well descri"es the theory "ehind Bc*o!ern$s amazingly effecti!e organization. (The .olitics of Dengeance( is a !ery different thing an essentially psychotic concept that Hart would pro"a"ly not go out of his way to endorse. Dehicle. . . !ehicle. . . !ehicle a !ery strange loo#ing word, if you stare at it for eight or nine minutes. . . (S#ul#ing( is another interesting loo#ing word. And so much for that. The morning news says 4il"ur Bills is running for .resident again. He has scorned all in!itations to accept the Num"er Two spot with anyone else especially *eorge Bc*o!ern. A !ery depressing "ulletin. 0ut Bills must #now what he$s doing. His name is said to "e magic in certain areas. 2f the .arty re%ects Bc*o!ern, 2 hope they gi!e it to Bills. That would %ust a"out ma#e the nut. Another depressing news item out of Biami 0each this time says an unnatural num"er of ra!ens ha!e "een seen in the city recently. Tourists ha!e complained of "eing #ept awa#e all night "y (horri"le croa#ing sounds( outside their hotel windows. (At first there were only a few,( one local "usinessman explained. (0ut more and more #eep coming. They$re "uilding "ig nests in the trees along Collins A!enue. They$re #illing the trees and their droppings smell li#e dead flesh.( Bany residents say they can no longer lea!e their windows open at night, "ecause of the

140 croa#ing. (2$!e always lo!ed "irds,( said another resident. (0ut these goddamn ra!ens are something elseI(

Later +n 9une
%ass Bur+al 5or Pol+t+,al Bosses +n "e4 =ork. . . %,Go2ern o2er the Hu3p. . . The $eath 10 Beat+n* o5 a S+8(#oot Blue(Bla,k Serpent. . . What "e8t 5or the Goo- !le Bo0s6. . . Anato30 o5 a #+8er. . . Trea,her0 Loo3s +n %+a3+. . . 3t is no" clear that this once small devoted band has become a great surging multitude all across this countr' and it "ill not be denied. *eorge Bc*o!ern, on the night of the New Hor# primary The day after the New Hor# primary 2 wo#e up in a suite on the twenty fourth floor of 1elmonico$s Hotel on .ar# A!enue with a hellish wind tearing "oth rooms apart and rain coming in through all the open windows. . . and 2 thought9 Hes, wonderful, only a lunatic would get out of "ed on a day li#e this' call room ser!ice for grapefruit and coffee, along with a New Hor# Times for "rain food, and one of those porta"le "ric#dome fireplaces full of oil soa#ed sawdust logs that they can roll right into the suite and fire up at the foot of the "ed. 2ndeed. *et some heat in the room, "ut #eep the windows open for the sounds of the wind and the rain and the far off hon#ing of all those taxi horns down on .ar# A!enue. Then fill a hot "ath and get something li#e Mem&his Knderground on the tape machine. +elax, relax. )n%oy this fine rainy day, and send the "ill to +andom House. The "udget "oys won$t li#e it, "ut to hell with them. +andom House still owes me a lot of money from that time when the night watchman "eat my sna#e to death on the white mar"le steps leading up to the main reception des#. 2 had left it o!ernight in the editor$s office, sealed up in a card"oard "ox with a sacrificial mouse. . . "ut the mouse understood what was happening, and terror ga!e him strength to gnaw a hole straight through the side of the "ox and escape into the "owels of the "uilding. The sna#e followed, of course through the same hole and somewhere around dawn, when the night watchman went out to chec# the main door, he was confronted with a six foot "lue "lac# serpent slithering rapidly up the stairs, flic#ing its tongue at him and hissing a warning that he was sure according to his own account of the incident was the last sound he would e!er hear. The sna#e was a harmless 0lue 2ndigo that 2$d %ust "rought "ac# from a reptile farm in Florida. . . "ut the watchman had no way of #nowing' he had ne!er seen a sna#e. Bost nati!es of Banhattan 2sland are terrified of all animals except coc#roaches and poodles. . . so when this poor ignorant "astard of a watchman suddenly found himself menaced "y a hissing, six foot serpent coming fast up the stairs at him from the general direction of Cardinal Spellman$s &uarters %ust across the courtyard. . . he said the sight of it made him almost crazy with fear, and at first he was totally paralyzed. Then, as the sna#e #ept on coming, some primal instinct shoc#ed the man out of his trance and ga!e him the strength to attac# the thing with the first weapon he could get his hands on which he first descri"ed as a (steel "room handle,( "ut which further in!estigation re!ealed to ha!e "een a metal tu"e %er#ed out of a near"y !acuum cleaner. The "attle apparently lasted some twenty minutes9 a terri"le clanging and screaming in the empty mar"le entranceway, and finally the watchman pre!ailed. 0oth the serpent and the !acuum tu"e were "eaten "eyond recognition, and later that morning a copy editor found the watchman

141 slumped on a stool in the "asement next to the xerox machine, still gripping the mangled tu"e and una"le to say what was wrong with him except that something horri"le had tried to get him, "ut he finally managed to #ill it. The man has since retired, they say. Cardinal Spellman died and +andom House mo!ed to a new "uilding. 0ut the psychic scars remain, a dim memory of corporate guilt that is rarely mentioned except in times of stress or in arguments o!er money. )!ery time 2 start feeling a "it uneasy a"out running up huge "ills on the +andom House ta", 2 thin# a"out that sna#e and then 2 call room ser!ice again. STAT) DCT) A21S BC*CD)+N9 S)NATC+$S S/AT)S 42N 0H /A+*) BA+*2N 2N TH) S-0-+0S That was the Times*s "ig headline on 4ednesday morning. The (? A$s candidate( EAcid, A"ortion, AmnestyF had definitely impro!ed his position "y carrying the su"ur"s. The "ul# of the political co!erage on page one had to do with local races (+yan, 0adillo, +angel 4in9 Coller is in Close 0attle(. . . (1elegates Named(. . . (0ingham 1efeats Scheuer' +ooney Apparent 4inner.( 1own at the "ottom of the page was a "loc# of wire photos from the National Bayors$ Conference in New Crleans also on Tuesday and the choice shot from down there showed a smiling Hu"ert Humphrey sitting next to Bayor 1aley of Chicago with the Bayor of Biami 0each leaning into the scene with one of his arms around 1aley and the other around Hu"ert. The caption said, ()x Bayor 2s Hit 4ith Bayors(. The details, .age @>, said Humphrey had definitely emerged as the star of the Bayors$ conference. The two losers were shown in smaller photos underneath the 1aleyJHumphrey thing. Bus#ie (recei!ed polite applause,( the caption said, and the camera had apparently caught him somewhere near the "eginning of a delayed 2"ogaine rush9 his eyes are clouding o!er, his %aw has gone slac#, his hair appears to "e com"ed "ac# in a 1A. The caption under the Bc*o!ern photo says, (He, too, recei!ed moderate response.( 0ut Bc*o!ern at least loo#ed human, while the other four loo#ed li#e they had %ust "een truc#ed o!er on short notice from some third rate wax museum in the French Muarter. The only genuinely ugly face of the fi!e is that of Bayor 1aley9 He loo#s li#e a potato with mange it is the face of a man who would see nothing wrong with telling his son to go out and round up a gang of thugs with "ullhorns and #ic# the shit out of any"ody stupid enough to challenge the Bayor of Chicago$s right to name the next 1emocratic candidate for .resident of the -nited States. 2 stared at the front page for a long time9 there was something wrong with it, "ut 2 couldn$t &uite fix on the pro"lem until. . . yes. . . 2 realized that the whole front page of the Aune @6st New Hor# Times could %ust as easily ha!e "een dated Barch >th, the day after the New Hampshire primary. (.acification( was failing again in Dietnam' 1efense Secretary Bel!in /aird was demanding more "om"ers' 2TT was "eating another illegal stoc# sales rap. . . "ut the most stri#ing similarity was in the o!erall impression of what was happening in the fight for the 1emocratic presidential nomination. Apparently nothing had changed. Bus#ie loo#ed %ust as sic# and confused as he had on that cold 4ednesday morning in Banchester four months ago. Bc*o!ern loo#ed li#e the same tough "ut hopeless underdog and there was nothing in the face of either 1aley or Humphrey to indicate that either one of those corrupt and !icious old screws had any dou"t at all a"out what was going to happen in Biami in Auly. They appeared to "e !ery pleased with whate!er the Bayor of Biami 0each was saying to them. . . An extremely depressing front page, at first glance almost rancid with a sense of de%V !W. There was e!en a ,ennedy story9 4ill he or 4on$t heG

142 This was the most interesting story on the page, if only "ecause of the timing. Teddy had "een out of the campaign news for a few months, "ut now according to the Times*s +.4. Apple Ar. he was a"out to ma#e his mo!e9 (City Councilman Batthew A. Troy Ar. will announce today that he is supporting Senator )dward B. ,ennedy for the 1emocratic !ice presidential nomination, informed sources said last night Br. Troy, a long time political ally of the ,ennedy family, was one of the earliest supporters of Senator *eorge Bc*o!ern for the .residency. As such, he would "e unli#ely to propose a running mate for the South 1a#otan unless "oth men had indicated their appro!al.( -nli#ely. +ight. The logic was hard to deny. A Bc*o!ernJ,ennedy tic#et was pro"a"ly the only sure winner a!aila"le to the 1emocrats this year, "ut "eyond that it might sol!e all of ,ennedy$s pro"lems with one stro#e. 2t would gi!e him at east four and pro"a"ly eight years in the spotlight' an unnaturally powerful and popular !ice president with all the ad!antages of the office and !ery few of the ris#s. 2f Bc*o!ern ran wild and called for the a"olition of Free )nterprise, for instance, ,ennedy could "ac# off and sha#e his head sadly. . . "ut if Bc*o!ern did e!erything right and won a second term as the most re!ered and successful .resident in the nation$s history, Teddy would "e right there "eside him the other half of the team' so clearly the heir apparent that he would hardly ha!e to "other a"out campaigning in pu"lic in 67>:. ,on*t "orr'! bo's! "e*ll "eather this storm of a&&roval and come out as hated as ever. Saul Alins#y to his staff shortly "efore his death, Aune 678@ The primaries are finally o!er now9 twenty three of the goddamn things and the deal is a"out to go down. New Hor# was the last "ig spectacle "efore Biami 0each, and this time Bc*o!ern$s people really #ic#ed out the %ams. They stomped e!ery hac#, ward heeler, and (old line party "oss( from 0uffalo to 0roo#lyn. The 1emocratic .arty in New Hor# State was left in a frightened sham"les. Not e!en the state party leader, Aoe Crangle, sur!i!ed the Bc*o!ern "litz. He tried to pass for (uncommitted( hoping to go down to Biami with at least a small remnant of the "ig time "argaining power he$d planned on when he originally "ac#ed Bus#ie "ut Bc*o!ern$s merciless young street fighters chopped Crangle down with the others. He will watch the con!ention on TD, along with 0roo#lyn .arty "oss Beade )sposito and once powerful 0ronx leader .atric# Cunningham. Former New Hor# *o!ernor A!erell Harriman also wound up on the list of ex hea!ies who will not attend the con!ention. He too was an early Bus#ie supporter. The last time 2 saw A!erell he was addressing a small crowd in the 4est .alm 0each railroad station framed in a halo of spotlights on the ca"oose platform of 0ig )d$s (Sunshine Special(. . . and the Ban from Baine was standing tall "eside him, smiling "roadly, loo#ing e!ery inch the winner that all those half "right party "osses had assured him he was definitely going to "e. 2t was %ust a"out dus# when Harriman "egan spea#ing, as 2 recall, and Bus#ie might ha!e loo#ed a little less pleased if he$d had any way of #nowing that ten "loc#s away, while A!e was still tal#ing a human threshing machine named .eter Sheridan was eagerly hitting the "ric#s after two wee#s in the .alm 0each %ail on a !agrancy rap. -n#nown to either 0ig )d or .eter, their paths were soon destined to cross. Twel!e hours later, Sheridan the infamous wandering 0oohoo for the Neo American church would "oard the (Sunshine Special( for the last leg of the trip into Biami. That encounter is already legend. 2 am not especially proud of my role in it mainly "ecause

143 the nightmare de!eloped entirely "y accident "ut if 2 could go "ac# and try it all o!er again 2 wouldn$t change a note. At the time 2 felt a "it guilty a"out it9 ha!ing "een, howe!er innocently, responsi"le for putting the 1emo front runner on a collision course with a gin crazed acid frea# "ut that was "efore 2 realized what #ind of a "east 2 was dealing with. 2t was not until his campaign collapsed and his ex staffers felt free to tal# that 2 learned that wor#ing for 0ig )d was something li#e "eing loc#ed in a rolling "oxcar with a !icious @:: pound water rat. Some of his top staff people considered him dangerously unsta"le. He had se!eral identities, they said, and there was no way to "e sure on any gi!en day if they would ha!e to deal with A"e /incoln, Hamlet, Captain Mueeg, or 0o"o the Simpleminded. . . Bany strange Bus#ie stories, "ut this is not the time for them. .erhaps after the con!ention, when the pressure lets off a "it although not e!en that is certain, now9 Things are getting weird. The only (Bus#ie story( that interests me right now is the one a"out how he managed to con those poor "astards into ma#ing him the de facto party leader and also the "osses$ choice to carry the party colors against Nixon in No!em"er. 2 want to #now that story, and if any"ody who reads this can fill me in on the details, "y all means call at once cLo Rolling Stone! San Francisco. The Bus#ie nightmare is "eginning to loo# more and more li#e a ma%or political watershed for the 1emocratic .arty. 4hen 0ig )d went down he too# a"out half of the national power structure with him. 2n one state after another each time he lost a primary Bus#ie crippled and humiliated the local 1emocratic power mongers9 *o!ernors, Bayors, Senators, Congressmen. . . 0ig )d was supposed to "e their tic#et to Biami, where they planned to do "usiness as usual once again, and #eep the party at least li!a"le, if not entirely healthy. All Bus#ie had to do, they said, was #eep his mouth shut and act li#e A"e /incoln. The "osses would do the rest. As for that hare "rained "astard Bc*o!ern, he could ta#e those reformist ideas he$d "een wor#ing on, and %am them straight up his ass. A con!ention pac#ed wall to wall with Bus#ie delegates the rancid cream of the party, as it were would ma#e short wor# of Bc*o!ern$s 0oy Scout "ullshit. That was four months ago, "efore Bus#ie "egan crashing around the country in a stupid rage and destroying e!erything he touched. First it was "ooze, then +eds, and finally o!er the "rin# into 2"ogaine. . . and it was right a"out that time that most of the *ood Cle 0oys decided to ta#e another long loo# at Hu"ert Humphrey. He wasn$t much' they all agreed on that "ut "y Bay he was all they had left. Not much, for sure. Any political party that can$t cough up anything "etter than a treacherous "rain damaged old !ulture li#e Hu"ert Humphrey deser!es e!ery "eating it gets. They don$t hardly ma#e $em li#e Hu"ert any more "ut %ust to "e on the safe side, he should "e castrated anyway. /astrated. AesusI 2s nothing sacredG Four years ago Hu"ert Humphrey ran for .resident of the -nited States on the 1emocratic tic#et and he almost won. 2t was a !ery narrow escape. 2 !oted for 1ic# *regory in $=>, and if somehow Humphrey manages to slither onto the tic#et again this year 2 will !ote for +ichard Nixon. 0ut Humphrey will not "e on the tic#et this year at least not on the 1emocratic tic#et. He may end up running with Nixon, "ut the odds are against him there, too. Not e!en Nixon could stoop to Hu"ert$s le!el. So what will Humphrey do with himself this yearG 2s there no room at the top for a totally dishonest personG A Knited States Senator. A loyal .arty BanG 4ell. . . as much as 2 hate to get away from o"%ecti!e %ournalism, e!en "riefly, there is no other way to explain what that treacherous "astard appears to "e cran#ing himself up for this time around, except "y slipping momentarily into the realm of speculation. 0ut first, a few realities9 E6F *eorge Bc*o!ern is so close to a first "allot nomination in Biami that e!ery"ody except Hu"ert Humphrey, *ene BcCarthy, Shirley Chisholm, and )d Bus#ie

144 seems ready to accept it as a foregone conclusion. . . E@F The national 1emocratic .arty is no longer controlled "y the Cld *uard, 0oss style hac#s li#e *eorge Beany and Bayor 1aley or e!en "y the Cld *uard li"eral man&ue types li#e /arry C$0rien, who thought they had things firmly under control as recently as six months ago. . . E?F Bc*o!ern has made it painfully clear that he wants more than %ust the nomination' he has e!ery intention of tearing the 1emocratic .arty completely apart and re"uilding it according to his own "lueprint. . . E;F 2f Bc*o!ern "eats Nixon in No!em"er he will "e in a position to do anything he wants either to or with the party structure. . . E<F 0ut if Bc*o!ern loses in No!em"er, control of the 1emocratic .arty will instantly re!ert to the Cle 0oys, and Bc*o!ern himself will "e la"eled (another *oldwater( and stripped of any power in the party. The pattern is already there, from 67=;, when the NixonJBitchell "rain trust already laying plans for 67=> sat "ac# and let the *C. machinery fall into the hands of the 0irchers and the right wing crazies for a few months. . . and when *oldwater got stomped, the NixonJBitchell crowd mo!ed in and too# o!er the party with no argument from any"ody. . . and four years later Nixon mo!ed into the 4hite House. There ha!e already "een a few rum"lings and muted threats along these lines from the 1aley Beany faction. 1aley has pri!ately threatened to dump 2llinois to Nixon in No!em"er if Bc*o!ern persists in challenging 1aley$s eighty fi!e man sla!e delegation to the con!ention in Biami. . . and Beany is prone to muttering out loud from time to time that may"e Crganized /a"or would "e "etter off in the long run "y enduring another four years under Nixon, rather than running the ris# of whate!er radical madness he fears Bc*o!ern might "ring down on him. The only other person who has said anything a"out ta#ing a di!e for Nixon in No!em"er is Hu"ert Humphrey, who has already threatened in pu"lic at the party$s Credentials Committee hearings in 4ashington last wee# to let his friend Aoe Alioto, the Bayor of San Francisco, throw the whole state of California to Nixon unless the party gi!es Hu"ert 6<6 California delegates on the "asis of his losing show of strength in that state$s winner ta#e all primary. Hu"ert understood all along that California was all or nothing. He continually referred to it as (The 0ig Cne,( and (The Super 0owl of the .rimaries(. . . "ut he changed his mind when he lost. Cne of the finest flashes of TD %ournalism in many months appeared on the C0S e!ening news the same day Humphrey formally filed his claim to almost half the California delegation. 2t was a 4alter Cron#ite inter!iew with Hu"ert in California, a wee# or so prior to election day. Cron#ite as#ed him if he had any o"%ections to the winner ta#e all aspect of the California primary, and Humphrey replied that he thought it was a"solutely wonderful. (So e!en if you lose out here if you lose all @86 delegates you wouldn$t challenge the winner ta#e all ruleG( Cron#ite as#ed. (Ch, my goodness, no,( Hu"ert said. (That would ma#e me sort of a spoilsport, wouldn$t itG( Cn the face of it, Bc*o!ern seems to ha!e e!erything under control now. /ess than twenty four hours after the New Hor# results were final, chief delegate meister +ic# Stearns announced that *eorge was o!er the hump. The New Hor# "litz was the clincher, pushing him o!er the 6?<: mar# and mashing all "ut the flimsiest chance that any"ody would continue to tal# seriously a"out a (Stop Bc*o!ern( mo!ement in Biami. The HumphreyJBus#ie axis had "een desperately trying to put something together with aging diehards li#e 4il"ur Bills, *eorge Beany, and Bayor 1aley hoping to stop Bc*o!ern %ust short of 6;:: "ut on the wee#end after the New Hor# sweep *eorge pic#ed up another fifty or so from the last of the non primary state caucuses and "y Sunday, Aune @<th, he was only a hundred !otes away from the 6<:7 that would zip it all up on the first "allot. At that time the num"er of officially (uncomittted( delegates was still ho!ering around ;<:, "ut there had already "een some small scale defections to Bc*o!ern, and the others were getting ner!ous. The whole purpose of getting yourself elected as an -ncommitted delegate is to "e a"le to arri!e at the Con!ention with "argaining power. 2deology has nothing to do with it.

145 2f you$re a lawyer from St. /ouis, for instance, and you manage to get yourself elected as an -ncommitted delegate for Bissouri, you will hustle down to Biami and start scouting around for some"ody to ma#e a deal with. . . which won$t ta#e long, "ecause e!ery candidate still in the running for anything at all will ha!e dozens of his own personal fixers roaming around the hotel "ars and "uttonholing -ncommitted delegates to find out what they want. 2f your price is a lifetime appointment as a %udge on the -.S. Circuit Court, your only hope is to deal with a candidate who is so close to that magic 6<:7 figure that he can no longer function in pu"lic "ecause of uncontrolla"le drooling. 2f he is stuc# around 6;:: you will pro"a"ly not ha!e much luc# getting that "ench appointment. . . "ut if he$s already up to 6;77 he won$t hesitate to offer you the first opening on the -.S. Supreme Court. . . and if you catch him pea#ed at 6<:< or so, you can s&ueeze him for almost anything you want. The game will get hea!y sometimes. Hou don$t want to go around putting the s&ueeze on people unless you$re a"solutely clean. No skeletons in the closet: no secret !ices. . . "ecause if your !ote is important and your price is high, the Fixer Ban will ha!e already chec#ed you out "y the time he offers to "uy you a drin#. 2f you "ri"ed a traffic court cler# two years ago to "ury a drun# dri!ing charge, the Fixer might suddenly confront you with a photostat of the citation you thought had "een "urned. 4hen that happens, you$re fuc#ed. Hour price %ust went down to zero, and you are no longer an -ncommitted delegate. There are se!eral other !ersions of the +e!erse S&ueeze9 the fa#e hit and run' glassine "ags found in your hotel room "y a maid' gra""ed off the street "y phony cops for statutory rape of a teenage girl you ne!er saw "efore. . . )!ery once in a while you might hit on something with real style, li#e this one9 Cn Bonday afternoon, the first day of the con!ention, you the am"itious young lawyer from St. /ouis with no s#eletons in the closet and no secret !ices worth worrying a"out are spending the afternoon "y the pool at the .lay"oy .laza, soa#ing up sun and ginJtonics when you hear some"ody calling your name. Hou loo# up and see a smiling, rotund chap a"out thirty fi!e years old coming at you, ready to sha#e hands. (Hi there, Dirgil,( he says. (By name$s A. 1. S&uane. 2 wor# for Senator 0il"o and we$d sure li#e to count on your !ote. How a"out itG( Hou smile, "ut say nothing waiting for S&uane to continue. He will want to #now your price. 0ut S&uane is staring out to sea, s&uinting at something on the horizon. . . then he suddenly turns "ac# to you and starts tal#ing !ery fast a"out how he always wanted to "e a ri!er"oat pilot on the Bississippi, "ut politics got in the way. . . (And now, goddamnit, we must get these last few !otes. . .( Hou smile again, itching to get serious. 0ut S&uane suddenly yells at some"ody across the pool, then turns "ac# to you and says9 (Aesus, Dirgil, 2$m really sorry a"out that, "ut 2 ha!e to run. That guy o!er there is deli!ering my new Aensen 2nterceptor.( He grins and extends his hand again. Then9 (Say, may"e we can tal# later on, ehG 4hat room are you inG( (67:7.( He nods. (How a"out se!en, for dinnerG Are you freeG( (Sure.( (4onderful,( he replies. (4e can ta#e my new Aensen for a run up to .alm 0each. . . 2t$s one of my fa!orite towns.( (Bine too,( you say. (2$!e heard a lot a"out it.( He nods. (2 spent some time there last Fe"ruary. . . "ut we had a "ad act, dropped a"out twenty fi!e grand.( AesusI Aensen 2nterceptor' twenty fi!e grand. . . S&uane is definitely "ig time.

146 (See you at se!en,( he says, mo!ing away. (( The #noc# comes at 89:@ "ut instead of S&uane it$s a "eautiful sil!er haired young girl who says A. 1. sent her to pic# you up. (He$s ha!ing a "usiness dinner with the Senator and he$ll %oin us later at the Cra" House.( (4onderful, wonderful shall we ha!e a drin#G( She nods. (Sure, "ut not here. 4e$ll dri!e o!er to North Biami and pic# up my girlfriend. . . "ut let$s smo#e this "efore we go.( (AesusI That loo#s li#e a cigarI( (2t isI( she laughs. (And it$ll ma#e us "oth crazy.( Bany hours later, ;9?: A.B. Soa#ing wet, falling into the lo""y, "egging for help9 No wallet, no money, no 21. 0lood on "oth hands and one shoe missing, dragged up to the room "y two "ell"oys. . . 0rea#fast at noon the next day, half sic# in the coffee shop waiting for a 4estern -nion money order from the wife in St. /ouis. Dery spotty memories from last night. (Hi there, Dirgil.( A. 1. S&uane, still grinning. (4here were you last night, DirgilG( 2 came "y right on the dot, "ut you weren$t in.( (2 got mugged "y your girlfriend.( (ChG Too "ad. 2 wanted to nail down that ugly little !ote of yours.( (-glyG 4ait a minute. . . That girl you sent' we went someplace to meet you.( (0ullshitI Hou dou"le crossed me, DirgilI 2f we weren$t on the same team 2 might "e tempted to lean on you.( +ising anger now, painful thro""ing in the head. (Fuc# you, S&uaneI 2$m on nobod'*s teamI 2f you want my !ote you #now damn well how to get it and that goddamn dope addict girlfriend of yours didn$t help any.( S&uane smiles hea!ily. (Tell me, Dirgil what was it you wanted for the !ote of yoursG A seat on the federal "enchG( (Hou$re goddamn fuc#in$ A rightI Hou got me in "ad trou"le last night, A. 1. 4hen 2 got "ac# there my wallet was gone and there was "lood on my hands. (2 #now. Hou "eat the shit out of her.( (4hatG( (/oo# at these photographs, Dirgil. 2t$s some of the most disgusting stuff 2$!e e!er seen.( (.hotographsG( S&uane hands them across the ta"le. (Ch my godI( (Heah, that$s what 2 said, Dirgil.( (NoI This can$t "e me+ 2 ne!er saw that girlI Christ, she$s only a childI( (That$s why the pictures are so disgusting, Dirgil. Hou$re luc#y we didn$t ta#e them straight to the cops and ha!e you loc#ed up.( .ounding the ta"le with his fist. (That$s ra&e! DirgilI That$s sodom'+ 4ith a child+" (NoI( ")es! Dirgil and now you$re going to pay for it.( (HowG 4hat are you tal#ing a"outG( S&uane smiling again. (Dotes, my friend. Hours and fi!e others. Six !otes for six negati!es. Are you readyG( Tears of rage in the eyes now. (Hou e!il sonofa"itchI Hou$re "lac#mailing meI( (+idiculous, Dirgil. +idiculous. 2$m tal#ing a"out coalition politics.( (2 don$t e!en kno" six delegates. Not personally, anyway. And "esides, they all "ant

147 something.( S&uane sha#es his head. (1on$t tell me a"out it, Dirgil. 2$d rather not hear. Aust "ring me six names off this list "y noon tomorrow. 2f they all !ote right, you$ll ne!er hear another word a"out what happened last night.( (4hat if 2 can$tG( S&uane smiles, then sha#es his head sadly. (Hour life will ta#e a turn for the worse, Dirgil.( Ah, "ad craziness. . . a scene li#e that could run on fore!er. Sic# dialogue comes easy after fi!e months on the campaign trail. A sense of humor is not considered mandatory for those who want to get hea!y into presidential politics. Aun#ies don$t laugh much' their gig is too serious and the politics %un#ie is not much different on that score than a smac# %un#ie. The High is !ery real in "oth worlds, for those who are into it "ut any"ody who has e!er tried to li!e with a smac# %un#ie will tell you it can$t "e done without coming to grips with the spi#e and shooting up, yourself. .olitics is no different. There is a fantastic adrenaline high that comes with total in!ol!ement in almost any #ind of fast mo!ing political campaign especially when you$re running against "ig odds and starting to feel li#e a winner. As far as 2 #now, 2 am the only %ournalist co!ering the $8@ presidential campaign who has done any time on the other side of that gap "oth as a candidate and a "ac#room pol, on the local le!el and despite all the o"!ious differences "etween running on the Frea# .ower tic#et for Sheriff of Aspen and running as a well "eha!ed 1emocrat for .resident of the -nited States, the roots are surprisingly similar. . . and whate!er real differences exist are hardly worth tal#ing a"out, compared to the massi!e, un"ridgea"le gap "etween the cran#ed up reality of li!ing day after day in the !ortex of a rolling campaign and the friendish rat"astard tedium of co!ering that same campaign as a %ournalist, from the outside loo#ing in. For the same reason that no"ody who has ne!er come to grips with the spi#e can e!er understand how far away it really is across that gap to the place where the smac# %un#ie li!es. . . there is no way for e!en the "est and most talented %ournalist to #now what is really going on inside a political campaign unless he has "een there himself. Dery few of the press people assigned to the Bc*o!ern campaign, for instance, ha!e anything more than a surface understanding of what is really going on in the !ortex. . . or if they do, they don$t mention it, in print or on the air9 And after spending half a year following this goddamn zoo around the country and watching the machinery at wor# 2$d "e willing to "et pretty hea!ily that not e!en the most pri!ileged ran#ing insiders among the campaign press corps are telling much less than they #now. Fear and 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail! San Francisco, Straight Arrow 0oo#s, 678?

Septe31er
#at C+t0 Blues. . . #ear an- Loath+n* on the Wh+te House Press Plane. . . Ba- An*st at %,Go2ern Hea-Iuarters. . . "+8on T+*htens the S,re4s. . . ;%an0 Appeare- to Be +n the Ter3+nal Sta*es o5 Ca3pa+*n Bloat;. . . $ear me! &eo&le: %e have no" to deal "ith another race small and feeble "hen our fathers first met them! but no" great and overbearing. Strangel' enough the' have a mind to till the soil and the

148 love of &ossession is a disease "ith them. These &eo&le have made man' rules that the rich ma' break but the &oor ma' not. The' take their tithes from the &oor and "eak to su&&ort the rich and those "ho rule. Chief Sitting 0ull, spea#ing at the .owder +i!er Conference in 6>88 2f *eorge Bc*o!ern had a speech writer half as elo&uent as Sitting 0ull, he would "e home free today instead of twenty two points "ehind and racing around the country with "oth feet in his mouth. The .owder +i!er Conference ended ninety fi!e years ago, "ut the old Chief$s "aleful analysis of the 4hite Ban$s rape of the American continent was %ust as accurate then as it would "e today if he came "ac# from the dead and said it for the microphones on prime time TD. The ugly fallout from the American 1ream has "een coming down on us at a pretty consistent rate since Sitting 0ull$s time and the only real difference now, with )lection 1ay $8@ only a few wee#s away, is that we seem to "e on the !erge of ratif'ing the fallout and forgetting the 1ream itself. Sitting 0ull made no distinction "etween 1emocrats and +epu"licans which was pro"a"ly %ust as well, in 6>88 or any other year "ut it$s also true that Sitting 0ull ne!er #new the degradation of tra!eling on +ichard Nixon$s press plane' he ne!er had the "ilious pleasure of dealing with +on Piegler, and he ne!er met Aohn Bitchell, Nixon$s #ing fixer. 2f the old Sioux Chief had e!er done these things, 2 thin# despite his angry contempt for the 4hite Ban and e!erything he stands for he$d "e wor#ing o!ertime for *eorge Bc*o!ern today. These past two wee#s ha!e "een relati!ely calm ones for me. 2mmediately after the +epu"lican Con!ention in Biami, 2 dragged myself "ac# to the +oc#ies and tried to forget a"out politics for a while %ust lie na#ed on the porch in the cool afternoon sun and watch the aspen trees turning gold on the hills around my house' mix up a huge cannister of gin and grapefruit %uice, watch the horses nuzzling each other in the pasture across the road, "ig logs in the fireplace at night' Her"ie Bann, Aohn .rine, and Aesse Colin Houng "ooming out of the spea#ers. . . zip off e!ery once in a while for a fast run into town along a "ac# road a"o!e the ri!er9 to the health center gym for some !olley"all, then o!er to 0enton$s gallery to get caught up on whate!er treacheries the local greedheads rammed through while 2 was gone, watch the late TD news and curse Bc*o!ern for po#ing another hole in his own "oat, then stop "y the Aerome on the way out of town for a midnight "eer with Solheim. After two wee#s on that peaceful human schedule, the last thing 2 wanted to thin# a"out was the grim, inescapa"le spectre of two more frenzied months on the campaign trail. )specially when it meant coming "ac# here to 4ashington, to start laying the groundwor# for a long and painful autopsy %o" on the Bc*o!ern campaign. 4hat went wrongG 4hy had it failedG 4ho was to "lameG And, finally, what nextG That was on pro%ect. The other was to somehow pass through the fine eye of the 4hite House security camel and go out on the campaign trail with +ichard Nixon, to watch him waltz in if only to get the drift of his thin#ing, to watch the mo!es, his eyes. 2t is a ner!ous thing to consider9 Not %ust four more years of Nixon, "ut Nixon$s last four 'ears in &olitics completely unshac#led, for the first time in his life, from any need to worry a"out who might or might not !ote for him the next time around. 2f he wins in No!em"er, he will finally "e free to do whate!er he wants. . . or may"e (wants( is too strong a word for right now. 2t con%ures up images of .apa 1oc, 0atista, Somoza' %ails full of "ewildered (political prisoners( and the constant cold sweat fear of %ac#"oots suddenly #ic#ing your door off its hinges at four A.B. There is no point in #idding oursel!es a"out what +ichard Nixon really "ants for America. 4hen he stands at his 4hite House window and loo#s out on an anti war demonstration, he doesn$t

149 see (dissenters,( he sees criminals. 1angerous parasites, preparing to stri#e at the heart of the *reat American System that put him where he is today. There may not "e much difference "etween 1emocrats and +epu"licans' 2 ha!e made that argument myself with considera"le !enom, as 2 recall o!er the past ten months. . . 0ut only a "lind gee# or a waterhead could miss the difference "etween Bc*o!ern and +ichard Nixon. *ranted, they are "oth white men, and "oth are politicians "ut the similarity ends right there, and from that point on the difference is so !ast that any"ody who can$t see it deser!es whate!er happens to them if Nixon gets re elected due to apathy, stupidity, and laziness on the part of potential Bc*o!ern !oters. The tragedy of this campaign is that Bc*o!ern and his staff wizards ha!e not "een a"le to dramatize what is really at sta#e on No!em"er 8th. 4e are not loo#ing at %ust another dim rerun of the $=> NixonJHumphrey trip, or the /0AJ*oldwater fiasco in $=;. Those were "oth useless drills. 2 !oted for 1ic# *regory in $=>, and for (No( in $=;. . . "ut this one is different, and since Bc*o!ern is so goddamn maddeningly inept with the #ind of words he needs to ma#e people understand what he$s up to, it will sa!e a lot of time here and strain on my own weary head to remem"er 0o""y ,ennedy$s ultimate characterization of +ichard Nixon, in a speech at Dander"ilt -ni!ersity in the spring of 67=>, not long "efore he was murdered. "Richard Ni on!" he said, "re&resents the dark side of the American s&irit." 2 don$t remem"er what else he said that day. 2 guess 2 could loo# it up in the New Hor# Times speech morgue, "ut why "otherG That one line says it all. The mood at Bc*o!ern$s grim head&uarters "uilding at 676: , Street, N4, in 4ashington is oddly schizoid these days9 a %angled mix of defiance and despair tempered, now and then, "y &uic# flashes of a lingering con!iction that *eorge can still win. Bc*o!ern$s young staffers, after all, ha!e never lost an election the' e &ected to "in! at the outset and they definitely expected to win this one. They are accustomed to "eing far "ehind in the pu"lic opinion polls. Bc*o!ern has almost always "een the underdog, and except for California he has usually "een a"le to close the gap with a last minute stretch run. )!en in the primaries he lost New Hampshire, Chio, .ennsyl!ania he did well enough to em"arrass the pollsters, humiliate the pols, and cran# up his staff morale another few notches. 0ut that "oundless "lind faith is "eginning to fade now. The Curse of )agleton is "eginning to ma#e itself felt in the ran#s. And not e!en Fran# Ban#iewicz, the 4izard of Che!y Chase, can properly explain why Bc*o!ern is now "eing sneered at from coast to coast as (%ust another politician.( Ban#iewicz is still the main dri!ewheel in this hamstrung campaign' he has "een the central intelligence from the !ery "eginning which was fine all around, while it wor#ed, "ut there is not a hell of a lot of e!idence to suggest that it$s wor#ing real well these days, and it is hard to a!oid the idea that Fran# is %ust as responsi"le for whate!er is happening now as he was six months ago, when Bc*o!ern came wheeling out of New Hampshire li#e the A"omina"le Snowman on a speed trip. 2f *eorge gets stomped in No!em"er, it will not "e "ecause of anything +ichard Nixon did to him. The "lame will trace straight "ac# to his "rain trust, to whoe!er had his ear tight enough to con!ince him that all that "ullshit a"out (new politics( was fine for the primaries, "ut it would ne!er wor# again against Nixon so he would ha!e to a"andon his original power "ase, after Biami, and swiftly mo!e to consolidate the one he$d %ust shattered9 the BeanyJ1aleyJHumphreyJBus#ie axis, the senile remnants of the 1emocratic .arty$s once powerful (+oose!elt coalition.( Bc*o!ern agreed. He went to Texas and praised /0A' he re!ised his economic program to ma#e it more palata"le on 4all Street' he went to Chicago and endorsed the whole 1aleyJ1emocratic tic#et, including State$s Attorney )d Hanrahan, who is still under indictment on

150 felonyJconspiracy EC"struction of AusticeF charges for his role in a police raid on local 0lac# .anther head&uarters three years ago that resulted in the murder of Fred Hampton. 2n the speedy wee#s "etween Barch and Auly, the atmosphere in Bc*o!ern$s cramped head&uarters "uilding on Capitol Hill was so high that you could get "ent "y %ust hanging around and watching the human machinery at wor#. The head&uarters "uilding itself was not much "igger than Bc*o!ern$s personal command post in the Senate Cffice 0uilding, fi!e "loc#s away. 2t was one "ig room a"out the size of an Clympic swimming pool with a grocery store on one side, a li&uor store on the other, and a tree shaded sidewal# out front. The last time 2 was there, a"out two wee#s "efore the California primary, 2 dro!e my "lue Dol!o up on the sidewal# and par#ed right in front of the door. Crouse went inside to find Ban#iewicz while 2 pic#ed up some 0allantine ale. (2s this a chargeG( the "ooze cler# as#ed. (+ight,( 2 said. (Charge it to *eorge Bc*o!ern.( He nodded, and "egan to write it down. (Hey, wait a minuteI( 2 said. (2 was %ust #idding. Here here$s the cash.( He shrugged and accepted the three "ills. . . and when 2 got to Fran#$s office and told him what had happened, he didn$t seem surprised. (Heah, our credit$s pretty good,( he said, (in a lot of places where we ne!er e!en as#ed for it.( That was "ac# in Bay, when the tide was still rising. 0ut things are different now, and the credit is not so easy. The new , Street head&uarters is an eight story tom" once occupied "y the (Bus#ie for .resident( %uggernaut. 0ig )d a"andoned it when he dropped out of the race for the 1emocratic nomination, and it stood empty for a month or so after that "ut when Bc*o!ern croa#ed Humphrey in California and "ecame the nominee apparent, his wizards decided to get a new and larger head&uarters. The Bus#ie "uilding was an o"!ious choice if only "ecause it was a!aila"le !ery cheap, and already wired for the fantastic maze of phone lines necessary for a presidential campaign head&uarters. The Ban from Baine and his army of "ig time "ac#ers had already ta#en care of that aspect' they had plenty of phone lines, along with all those endorsements. Not e!ery"ody on the Bc*o!ern staff was happy with the idea of mo!ing out of the original head&uarters. The decision was made in California, se!eral days "efore the primary, and 2 remem"er arguing with *ary Hart a"out it. He insisted the mo!e was necessary, for space reasons. . . and e!en in retrospect my argument for #eeping the original head&uarters seems irrational. 2t was a matter of #arma, 2 said, psychic continuity. And "esides, 2 had spent some time in the Bus#ie "uilding on the night of the New Hampshire primary, when the atmosphere of the place was strongly reminiscent of 1eath +ow at Sing Sing. So my memories of that "uilding were not pleasant "ut my reasons, as usual, had a noticea"ly mystic fla!or to them. And *ary, as usual, was thin#ing in terms of hard lawyer$s logic and political pragmatism. So the Bc*o!ern head&uarters was mo!ed, after Biami, from the original "ase "etween the li&uor store and the grocery store on Capitol Hill to the Bus#ie tom" on , Street, in the fashiona"le downtown area. 2t was a central location, they said with a "ig par#ing lot next door. 2t also had two ele!ators and sixteen "athrooms. The original head&uarters had only one "athroom, with a card"oard arrow on the door that could "e mo!ed, li#e a one armed cloc#, to three different positions9 B)N, 4CB)N or )B.TH. There was also a refrigerator. 2t was small, "ut somehow there were always a few cans of "eer in it, e!en for !isiting %ournalists. No"ody was in charge of stoc#ing it, "ut no"ody dran# the last "eer without replacing it, either. . . Eor may"e it was all a shuc# from the start' may"e they had a huge stash outside the "ac# door, "ut they only #ept two or three cans in the refrigerator, so that

151 any"ody who dran# one would feel so guilty that heJshe would "ring six to replace it, the next time they came around. . . "ut 2 dou"t it' not e!en that de!ious Ara" "astard +ic# Stearns would plot things that carefullyF. 0ut what the hellG All that is history now, and after roaming around the new Bc*o!ern head&uarters "uilding for a wee# or so, the only refrigerator 2 found was up in finance director Henry ,immelman$s office on the sixth floor. 2 went up here with .at Caddell one afternoon last wee# to watch the Cron#iteJChancellor TD news Ee!ery afternoon at =9?:, all acti!ity in the "uilding is suspended for an hour while the staff people gather around TD sets to watch (the daily "ummer,( as some of them call itF and ,immelman has the only accessi"le color set in the "uilding, so his office is usually crowded for the news hour. 0ut his set is fuc#ed, unfortunately. Cne of the color tu"es is "lown, so e!erything that appears on the screen has a wet purple tint to it. 4hen Bc*o!ern comes on, rapping out lines from a speech that some"ody watching one of the head&uarters$ TD sets %ust wrote for him a few hours earlier, his face appears on the set in ,immelman$s office as if he were spea#ing up from the "ottom of a swimming pool full of cheap purple dye. 2t is not a reassuring thing to see, and most of the staffers prefer to watch the news on the "lac# 3 white sets downstairs in the political section. . . 4hatG 4e seem to "e off the trac# here. 2 was tal#ing a"out my first encounter with the refrigerator in Henry ,immelman$s office when 2 was loo#ing for "eer, and found none. The only thing in the ice"ox was a canned martini that tasted li#e "ra#e fluid. Cne canned martini. No "eer. A purple TD screen. 0oth ele!ators %ammed in the "asement' fifteen empty "athrooms. Se!enty fi!e cents an hour to par# in the lot next door. Chaos and madness in the telephone switch"oard. Fear in the "ac# rooms, confusion up front, and a spoo#y !acuum on top the eighth floor where /arry C$0rian is supposed to "e holding the gig together. . . what is he doing up thereG No"ody #nows. They ne!er see him. (/arry tra!els a lot,( one of the speech writers told me. (He$s Num"er Cne, you #now and when you$re Num"er Cne you don$t ha!e to try so hard, rightG( The Bc*o!ern campaign appears to "e fuc#ed at this time. A spectacular Come From 0ehind win is still possi"le on paper and gi!en the right circumstances "ut the underlying realities of the campaign itself would seem to preclude this. A cohesi!e, determined campaign with the same #ind of multi le!el morale that characterized the Bc*o!ern effort in the months preceding the 4isconsin primary might "e a good "et to close a twenty point gap on Nixon in the last month of this grim presidential campaign. As usual, Nixon has pea#ed too early and now he is loc#ed into what is essentially a Holding Action. 4hich would "e disastrous in a close race, "ut e!en "y .at Caddell$s partisan estimate Nixon could "low twenty points off his lead in the next six wee#s and still win. ECaddell$s figures seem in general agreement with those of the most recent *allup .oll, ten days ago, which showed that Nixon could "low thirt' points off his lead and still win.F By own rude estimate is that Bc*o!ern will steadily close the gap "etween now and No!em"er 8th, "ut not enough. 2f 2 had to ma#e "oo# right now, 2 would try to get Bc*o!ern with se!en or eight points, "ut 2$d pro"a"ly go with fi!e or six, if necessary. 2n other words, my guess at the moment is that Bc*o!ern will lose "y a popular !ote margin of <.< percent and pro"a"ly far worse in the electoral college.S
S 2 was somewhat off on this prediction. The final margin was almost @?X. At this point in the campaign 2 was no longer functioning with my usual ruthless o"%ecti!ity. 0ac# in Bay and Aune, when my head was still clear, 2 won !ast amounts

152
of money with a consistency that "affled the experts. 1a!id 0roder still owes me L<:: as a result of his ill ad!ised "et on Hu"ert Humphrey in the California primary. 0ut he still refuses to pay on the grounds that 2 lost the <:: "ac# to him as a result of a forfeited foot race "etween Aim Naughton and Aac# *ermond in Biami 0each.

The tragedy of this is that Bc*o!ern appeared to ha!e a sure loc# on the 4hite House when the sun came up on Biami 0each on the morning of Thursday, Auly 6?th. Since then he has crippled himself with a series of almost un"elie!a"le "lunders )agleton, Salinger, C$0rien, etc. that ha!e understanda"ly con!inced huge chun#s of the electorate, including at least half of his own hard core supporters, that The Candidate is a gi""ering ding"at. His "eha!ior since Biami has made a piecemeal moc#ery of e!erything he seemed to stand for during the primaries. .ossi"ly 2$m wrong on all this. 2t is still concei!a"le to me at least that Bc*o!ern might actually win. 2n which case 2 won$t ha!e to worry a"out my ..C. 0ox at the 4oody Cree# general store getting %ammed up with dinner in!itations from the 4hite House. 0ut what the hellG Br. Nixon ne!er in!ited me, and neither did ,ennedy or /0A. 2 sur!i!ed those years of shame, and 2$m not especially worried a"out enduring four more. 2 ha!e a feeling that my time is getting short, anyway, and 2 can thin# of a hell of a lot of things 2$d rather find in my mail"ox than an in!itation to dinner in the Ser!ants$ Muarters. /et those treacherous "astards eat "y themsel!es. They deser!e each other. Ah, AesusI The situation is out of hand again. The sun is up, the deal is down, and that e!il "astard Ban#iewicz %ust %er#ed the #ingpin out of my finely crafted saga for this issue. By "rain has gone num" from this madness. After s&uatting for thirteen days in this scum crusted room on the top floor of the 4ashington Hilton writing fe!erishly, night after night, on the home stretch realities of this goddamn wretched campaign 2 am "eginning to wonder what in the name of Twisted Aesus e!er possessed me to come here in the first place. 4hat #ind of madness lured me "ac# to this stin#ing swamp of a townG Am 2 turning into a politics %un#ieG 2t is not a happy thought particularly when 2 see what it$s done to all the others. After two wee#s in 4oody Cree#, getting "ac# on the press plane was li#e going "ac# to the cancer ward. Some of the "est people in the press corps loo#ed so physically ra!aged that it was painful to e!en see them, much less stand around and ma#e small tal#. Bany appeared to "e in the terminal stages of Campaign 0loat, a gruesome #ind of false fat condition that is said to "e connected somehow with failing adrenal glands. The swelling "egins within twenty four hours of that moment when the !ictim first "egins to suspect that the campaign is essentially meaningless. At that point, the "ody$s entire adrenaline supply is suc#ed "ac# into the gizzard, and nothing either candidate says, does, or generates will cause it to rise again. . . and without adrenaline, the flesh "egins to swell' the eyes fill with "lood and grow smaller in the face, the %owls puff out from the chee#"ones, the nec# flesh droops, and the "elly swells up li#e a frog$s throat. . . The "rain fills with noxious waste fluids, the tongue is ru""ed raw on the molars, and the "asic perception antennae "egin dying li#e hairs in a "onfire. 2 would li#e to thin# or at least claim to thin#, out of charity if nothing else that Campaign 0loat is at the root of this hellish angst that "oils up to o"scure my !ision e!ery time 2 try to write anything serious a"out presidential politics. 0ut 2 don$t thin# that$s it. The real reason, 2 suspect, is the pro"lem of coming to grips with the idea that +ichard Nixon will almost certainly "e re elected for another four years as .resident of the -nited States. 2f the current polls are relia"le and e!en if they aren$t, the sheer size of the margin ma#es the num"ers themsel!es unimportant Nixon will "e re elected "y a huge ma%ority of Americans who feel he is not only more honest and more trustworthy than *eorge Bc*o!ern, "ut also more li#ely to end the war in Dietnam. The polls also indicate that Nixon will get a comforta"le ma%ority of the Houth Dote. And that he might carry all fifty states.

153 4ell. . . may"e so. This may "e the year when we finally come face to face with oursel!es' finally %ust lay "ac# and say it that we are really %ust a nation of @@: million used car salesmen with all the money we need to "uy guns, and no &ualms at all a"out #illing any"ody else in the world who tries to ma#e us uncomforta"le. The tragedy of all this is that *eorge Bc*o!ern, for all his mista#es and all his imprecise tal# a"out (new politics( and (honesty in go!ernment,( is one of the few men who$!e run for .resident of the -nited States in this century who really understands what a fantastic monument to all the "est instincts of the human race this country might ha!e "een, if we could ha!e #ept it out of the hands of greedy little hustlers li#e +ichard Nixon. Bc*o!ern made some stupid mista#es, "ut in context they seem almost fri!olous compared to the things +ichard Nixon does e!ery day of his life, on purpose, as a matter of policy and a perfect expression of e!erything he stands for. AesusI 4here will it endG How low do you ha!e to stoop in this country to "e .residentG Fear and 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail! San Francisco, Straight Arrow 0oo#s, 678?

!,to1er
Ask "ot 5or Who3 the Bell Tolls. . . 1ue to circumstances "eyond my control, 2 would rather not write anything a"out the 678@ presidential campaign at this time. Cn Tuesday, No!em"er 8th, 2 will get out of "ed long enough to go down to the polling place and !ote for *eorge Bc*o!ern. Afterwards, 2 will dri!e "ac# to the house, loc# the front door, get "ac# in "ed, and watch tele!ision as long as necessary. 2t will pro"a"ly "e a while "efore The Angst lifts "ut whene!er it happens 2 will get out of "ed again and start writing the mean, cold "looded "ummer that 2 was not &uite ready for today. -ntil then, 2 thin# Tom 0enton$s (re elect the .resident( poster says e!erything that needs to "e said right now a"out this malignant election. 2n any other year 2 might "e tempted to em"ellish the 1eath$s Head with a few angry flashes of my own. 0ut not in 678@. At least not in the sullen num"ness of these final hours "efore the deal goes down "ecause words are no longer important at this stage of the campaign' all the "est ones were said a long time ago, and all the right ideas were "ouncing around in pu"lic long "efore /a"or 1ay. That is the one grim truth of this election most li#ely to come "ac# and haunt us9 The options were clearly defined, and all the ma%or candidates except Nixon were pu"licly grilled, "y experts who demanded to #now exactly where they stood on e!ery issue from *un Control and A"ortion to the Ad Dalorem Tax. 0y mid Septem"er "oth candidates had sta#ed out their own separate turf and if not e!ery"ody could tell you what each candidate stood for s&ecificall'! almost e!eryone li#ely to !ote in No!em"er understood that +ichard Nixon and *eorge Bc*o!ern were two !ery different men9 not only in the context of politics, "ut also in their personalities, temperaments, guiding principles, and e!en their "asic lifestyles. . . There is almost a HinJHang clarity in the difference "etween the two men, a contrast so star# that it would "e hard to find any two "etter models in the national politics arena for the legendary dualit' the congenital Split .ersonality and polarized instincts that almost e!ery"ody except Americans has long since ta#en for granted as the #ey to our National Character. This was not what +ichard Nixon had in mind when he said, last August, that the 678@ presidential election would offer !oters (the clearest choice of this century,( "ut on a le!el he will ne!er understand he was

154 pro"a"ly right. . . and it is Nixon himself who represents that dar#, !enal, and incura"ly !iolent side of the American character almost e!ery other country in the world has learned to fear and despise. Cur 0ar"ie doll .resident, with his 0ar"ie doll wife and his "oxful of 0ar"ie doll children is also America$s answer to the monstrous Br. Hyde. He spea#s for the 4erewolf in us' the "ully, the predatory shyster who turns into something unspea#a"le, full of claws and "leeding string warts, on nights when the moon comes too close. . . At the stro#e of midnight in 4ashington, a drooling red eyed "east with the legs of a man and a head of a giant hyena crawls out of its "edroom window in the South 4ing of the 4hite House and leaps fifty feet down to the lawn. . . pauses "riefly to strangle the Chow watchdog, then races off into the dar#ness. . . towards the 4atergate, snarling with lust, loping through the alleys "ehind .ennysl!ania A!enue, and trying desperately to remem"er which one of those four hundred identical "alconies is the one outside Bartha Bitchell$s apartment. . . Ah. . . nightmares, nightmares. 0ut 2 was only #idding. The .resident of the -nited States would ne!er act that weird. At least not during foot"all season. 0ut how would the !oters react if they #new the .resident of the -nited States was presiding o!er (a complex, far reaching and sinister operation on the part of 4hite House aides and the Nixon campaign organization. . . in!ol!ing sa"otage, forgery, theft of confidential files, sur!eillance of 1emocratic candidates and their families and persistent efforts to lay the "asis for possi"le "lac#mail and intimidation.( That ugly description of Nixon$s staff operations comes from a New Hor# Times editorial on Thursday, Ccto"er 6@th. 0ut neither Nixon nor anyone else felt it would ha!e much effect on his steady two to one lead o!er Bc*o!ern in all the national polls. Four days later the TimesJHan#elo!ich poll showed Nixon ahead "y an incredi"le twenty points E<8 percent to ?8 percent, with 6= percent undecidedF o!er the man 0o""y ,ennedy descri"ed as (the most decent man in the Senate.( (Cminous( is not &uite the right word for a situation where one of the most consistently unpopular politicians in American history suddenly s#ryoc#ets to Fol# Hero status while his closest ad!isors are "eing caught almost daily in nazi style gigs that would ha!e em"arrassed Bartin 0ormann. How long will it "e "efore (demented extremists( in *ermany or may"e Aapan, start calling us A Nation of .igsG How would Nixon reactG (No comment(G And how would the popularity polls react if he %ust came right out and admitted itG Fear and 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail! San Francisco, Straight Arrow 0oo#s, 678?

Ep+taph
#our %ore =ears. . . "+8on 1er Alles. . . #ear an- Loath+n* at the Super Bo4l. . . -resident Ni on "ill be s"orn into office for a second term toda'! emboldened b' his s"ee&ing electoral trium&h of last November and a 5ietnam &eace settlement a&&arentl' "ithin his gras&. . . 3n the most e &ensive inauguration in American histor' the cost is officiall' estimated at more than ME million Mr. Ni on "ill once again take the oath on a tem&orar' stand outside the east front of the /a&itol! then ride in a &arade e &ected to dra" =HH!HHH &eo&le to -enns'lvania Avenue and its environs! and millions more to their television sets. . . 3t "ill be the -resident*s first statement to the American &eo&le since his television a&&earance on November F! election eve. Since then the &eace talks have colla&sed! massive bombing of North 5ietnam has been instituted and then called off! and the talks have resumed "ithout e tended &ublic comment from Mr. Ni on . .

155 . San Francisco /hronicle! Aanuary @:, 678? 4hen the *reat Scorer comes to write against your name he mar#s Not that you won or lost 0ut how you played the game. *rantland +ice9 who was #nown prior to his death in the late fifties American Sportswriters,( and one of +ichard Nixon$s fa!orite authors. as (The 1ean of

They came together on a hot afternoon in /os Angeles, howling and clawing at each other li#e wild "easts in heat. -nder a "rown California s#y, the fierceness of their struggle "rought tears to the eyes of 7:,::: *od fearing fans. They were twenty two men who were somehow more than men. They were giants, idols, titans. . . 0ehemoths. They stood for e!erything *ood and True and +ight in the American Spirit. 0ecause they had guts. And they yearned for the -ltimate *lory, the *reat .rize, the Final Fruits of a long and !icious campaign. Dictory in the Super 0owl9 L6<,::: each. They were hungry for it. They were thirsty. For twenty long wee#s, from August through 1ecem"er, they had struggled to reach this .innacle. . . and when dawn lit the "eaches of Southern California on that fateful Sunday morning in Aanuary, they were ready. To seize the Final Fruit. They could almost taste it. The smell was stronger than a ton of rotten mangoes. Their ner!es "urned li#e open sores on a dog$s nec#. 4hite #nuc#les. 4ild eyes. Strange fluid welled up in their throats, with a taste far sharper than "ile. 0ehemoths. Those who went early said the pre game tension was almost un"eara"le. 0y noon, many fans were weeping openly, for no apparent reason. Cthers wrung their hands or gnawed on the nec#s of pop "ottles, trying to stay calm. Bany fist fights were reported in the pu"lic urinals. Ner!ous ushers roamed up and down the aisles, confiscating alcoholic "e!erages and occasionally grappling with drun#ards. *angs of Seconal crazed teenagers prowled through the par#ing lot outside the stadium, "eating the mortal shit out of luc#less stragglers. . . 4hatG No. . . *rantland +ice would ne!er ha!e written weird stuff li#e that9 His prose was spare 3 lean' his descriptions came straight from the gut. . . and on the rare and ill ad!ised occasions when he wanted to do a (Thin# .iece,( he called on the analytical powers of his medulla. /i#e all great sportswriters, +ice understood that his world might go all to pieces if he e!er dared to dou"t that his eyes were wired straight to his lower "rain a sort of de facto lo"otomy, which ena"les the grinning !ictim to operate entirely on the le!el of Sensory .erception. . . *reen grass, hot sun, sharp cleats in the tuft, thundering cheers from the crowd, the menacing scowl on the face of a L?:,::: a year pulling guard as he leans around the corner on a /om"ardi style power sweep and crac#s a sharp plastic shoulder into the line "ac#er$s groin. . . Ah yes, the simple life9 0ac# to the roots, the "asics first a Bousetrap, then a Crac#"ac# 3 a 0uttonhoo# off a fa#e triple re!erse Fly .attern, and finally The 0om". . . 2ndeed. There is a dangerous #ind of simple minded .owerJ.recision worship at the root of

156 the massi!e fascination with pro foot"all in this country, and sportswriters are mainly responsi"le for it. 4ith a few rare exceptions li#e 0o" /ypstye of The New Hor# Times and Tom Muinn of the Enow defunctF 4ashington ,ail' Ne"s! sportswriters are a #ind of rude and "rainless su"culture of fascist drun#s whose only real function is to pu"licize 3 sell whate!er the sports editor sends them out to co!er. . . 4hich is a nice way to ma#e a li!ing, "ecause it #eeps a man "usy and re&uires no thought at all. The two #eys to success as a sportswriter are9 E6F A "lind willingness to "elie!e anything you$re told "y the coaches, flac#s, hustlers, and other (official spo#esmen( for the team owners who pro!ide the free "ooze. . . and9 E@F A +oget$s Thesaurus, in order to a!oid using the same !er"s and ad%ecti!es twice in the same paragraph. )!en a sports editor, for instance, might notice something wrong with a lead that said9 (The precision %ac#hammer attac# of the Biami 1olphins stomped the "alls off the 4ashington +eds#ins today "y stomping and hammering with one precise %ac#thrust after another up the middle, mixed with pinpoint precision passes into the flat and numerous hammer %ac# stomps around "oth ends. . .( +ight. And there was the genius of *rantland +ice. He carried a poc#et thesaurus, so that (The thundering hoof"eats of the Four Horsemen( ne!er echoed more than once in the same paragraph, and the (*ranite grey s#y( in his lead was a (cold dar# dus#( in the last lonely line of his heart rending, ner!e ripping stories. . . There was a time, a"out ten years ago, when 2 could write li#e *rantland +ice. Not necessarily "ecause 2 "elie!ed all that sporty "ullshit, "ut "ecause sportswriting was the only thing 2 could do that any"ody was willing to pay for. And none of the people 2 wrote a"out seemed to gi!e a hoot in hell what #ind of lunatic gi""erish 2 wrote a"out them, %ust as long as it moved. They wanted Action, Color, Speed, Diolence. . . At one point, in Florida, 2 was writing !ariations on the same demented themes for three competing papers at the same time, under three different names. 2 was a sports columnist for one paper in the morning, sports editor for another in the afternoon, and at night 2 wor#ed for a pro wrestling promoter, writing incredi"ly twisted (press releases( that 2 would plant, the next day, in "oth papers. 2t was a wonderful gig, in retrospect, and at times 2 wish 2 could go "ac# to it %ust punch a "ig hatpin through my frontal lo"es and may"e regain that happy lost innocence that ena"led me to write, without the slightest twinge of conscience, things li#e9 (The entire Fort 4alton 0each police force is gripped in a state of fear this wee#' all lea!es ha!e "een cancelled and Chief 0loor is said to "e drilling his men for an )mergency Alert situation on Friday and Saturday night "ecause those are the nights when $,azi#a, The Bad Aap,$ a ;;: pound sadist from the !ile slums of Hiroshima, is scheduled to ma#e his first and no dou"t his last appearance in Fish head Auditorium. /ocal wrestling impresario /ionel Clay is #nown to ha!e spo#en pri!ately with Chief 0loor, urging him to ha!e $e!ery a!aila"le officer$ on duty at ringside this wee#end, "ecause of the Bad Aap$s legendary temper and his in!aria"ly sa!age reaction to racial insults. /ast wee#, in 1etroit, ,azi#a ran amo# and tore the spleens out of three ringside spectators, one of whom allegedly called him a $yellow de!il.$ ( (,azi#a,( as 2 recall, was a "ig half "right Cu"an who once played third string tac#le for Florida State -ni!ersity in Tallahassee, a"out 6:: miles away "ut on the fish head circuit he had no trou"le passing for a dangerous Aap strangler, and 2 soon learned that pro wrestling fans don$t gi!e a fuc# anyway. Ah, memories, memories. . . and here we go again, "ac# on the same old trip9 digressions, tangents, crude flash"ac#s. . . 4hen the $8@ presidential campaign ended 2 planned to gi!e up this #ind of thing. . . 0ut what the hellG 4hy notG 2t$s almost dawn in San Francisco now, the par#ing lot outside this "uilding is flooded a"out three inches deep with another drenching ran, and 2$!e "een here all

157 night drin#ing coffee 3 4ild Tur#ey, smo#ing short Aamaican cigars and getting more 3 more wired on the Allman 0rothers$ (Bountain Aam,( howling out of four "ig spea#ers hung in all four corners of the room. 4here is the B1AG 4ith the windows wide open and the curtains "lowing into the room and the "ooze and the coffee and the smo#e and the music "eating hea!y in my ears, 2 feel the first rising edge of a hunger for something with a "it of the cran# in it 4here is Ban#iewicz tonightG Sleeping peacefullyG No. . . pro"a"ly not. After two years on The )dge, in!oluntary retirement is a hard thing to cope with. 2 tried it for a while, in 4oody Cree#, "ut three wee#s without e!en a hint of crisis left me so ner!ous that 2 "egan go""ling speed and "a""ling distractedly a"out running for the -.S. Senate in $8;. Finally, on the !erge of desperation, 2 too# the "ush plane o!er to 1en!er for a !isit with *ary Hart, Bc*o!ern$s ex campaign manager, telling him 2 couldn$t actually put him on the payroll right now, "ut that 2 was counting on him to organize 1en!er for me. He smiled croo#edly "ut refused to commit himself. . . and later that night 2 heard, from an extremely relia"le source, that Hart was planning to run for the Senate himself in 678;. 4hyG 2 wondered. 4as it some #ind of su"liminal, un focused need to ta#e !engeance on the pressG Cn me. The first %ournalist in Christendom to go on record comparing Nixon to Adolf HitlerG 4as *ary so "linded with "ile that he would actually run against me in The .rimaryG 4ould he ris# splitting the (Three A$s( !ote and may"e sin# us "othG 2 spent a"out twenty four hours thin#ing a"out it, then flew to /os Angeles to co!er the Super 0owl "ut the first person 2 ran into down there was )d Bus#ie. He was wandering around in the !ortex of a "ig party on the main dec# of the Mueen Bary, telling any"ody who would listen that he was ha!ing a hell of a hard time deciding whether he was for the 1olphins or the +eds#ins. 2 introduced myself as .eter Sheridan, (a friend of 1onald Segretti$s.( (4e met on the $Sunshine Special$ in Florida,( 2 said. (2 was out of my head. . .( 0ut his "rain was too clouded to pic# up on it. . . so 2 went up to the crow$s nest and split a cap of "lac# acid with Aohn Chancellor. He was reluctant to "et on the game, e!en when 2 offered to ta#e Biami with no points. A wee# earlier 2$d "een loc#ed into the idea that the +eds#ins would win easily "ut when Nixon came out for them and *eorge Allen "egan tele!ising his prayer meetings 2 decided that any team with "oth *od and Nixon on their side was fuc#ed from the start. So 2 "egan "etting hea!ily on Biami which wor#ed out nicely, on paper, "ut some of my hea!iest "ets were with cocaine addicts, and they are #nown to "e !ery "ad ris#s when it comes to paying off. Bost co#e frea#s ha!e already "lown their memories "y years of o!er indulgence on mari%uana, and "y the time they get serious a"out co#e they ha!e a hard time remem"ering what day it is, much less what #ind of ill considered "ets they might or might not ha!e made yesterday. Conse&uently although 2 won all my "ets 2 made no money. The game itself was hopelessly dull li#e all the other Super 0owls and "y half time Biami was so clearly in command that 2 decided to watch the rest of the drill on TD at Cardoso$s Hollywood ClassicJ1ay of the /ocust style apartment "ehind the Trou"adour. . . "ut it was impossi"le to #eep a fix on it there, "ecause e!ery"ody in the room was so stoned that they #ept as#ing each other things li#e (How did Biami get the "allG 1id we miss a #ic#G 4ho$s ahead nowG Aesus, how did they get 6; pointsG How many points is. . . ah. . . touchdo"n." 2mmediately after the game 2 recei!ed an urgent call from my attorney, who claimed to "e ha!ing a terminal drug experience in his pri!ate "ungalow at the Chateau Barmont. . . and "y the time 2 got there he had finished the whole %ar.

158 /ater, when the "ig rain started, 2 got hea!ily into the gin and read the Sunday papers. Cn page ?7 of /alifornia 2iving magazine 2 found a hand lettered ad from the Bc1onald$s Ham"urger Corporation, one of Nixon$s "ig contri"utors in the $8@ presidential campaign9 .+)SS CN, it said. NCTH2N* 2N TH) 4C+/1 CAN TA,) TH) ./AC) CF .)+S2ST)NC). TA/)NT 42// NCT9 NCTH2N* 2S BC+) CCBBCN THAN -NS-CC)SSF-/ B)N 42TH TA/)NT. *)N2-S 42// NCT9 -N+)4A+1)1 *)N2-S 2S A/BCST A .+CD)+0. )1-CAT2CN A/CN) 42// NCT9 TH) 4C+/1 2S F-// CF )1-CAT)1 1)+)/2CTS. .)+S2ST)NC) AN1 1)T)+B2NAT2CN A/CN) A+) CBN2.CT)NT. 2 read it se!eral times "efore 2 grapsed the full meaning. Then, when it came to me, 2 called Ban#iewicz immediately. (,eep your own counsel,( he said. (1on$t draw any conclusions from anything you see or hear.( 2 hung up and dran# some more gin. Then 2 put a 1olly .arton al"um on the tape machine and watched the trees outside my "alcony getting lashed around in the wind. Around midnight, when the rain stopped, 2 put on my special Biami 0each nightshirt and wal#ed se!eral "loc#s down /a Cienega 0oule!ard to the /osers$ Clu". Fear and 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail! San Francisco, Straight Arrow 0oo#s, 678?

%e3o 5ro3 the Sports $esk & Ru-e "otes 5ro3 a $e,o3press+on Cha31er +n %+a3+
There is no %oy in 4oody Cree# tonight at least not in the twisted "owels of this sin# hole of political ini&uity called the Cwl Farm "ecause, @::: miles away in the swampy heat of 4ashington, 1.C., my old foot"all "uddy, 1ic# Nixon, is lashing around in "ad trou"le. . . The !ultures are coming home to roost li#e he always feared they would, in the end and it hurts me in a way no"ody would pu"lish if 2 properly descri"ed it, to #now that 2 can$t "e with him on the sweaty ramparts today, stomping those dirty "uzzards li#e 1a!y Croc#ett "ashing spies off the walls of the Alamo. (1elta 1awn. . . 4hat$s that flower you ha!e onG( Fine music on my radio as dawn comes up on the +oc#ies. . . 0ut suddenly the music ends and A0C EAmerican )ntertainment Networ#F News interrupts9 Bartha Bitchell is demanding that (Bister .resident( either resign or "e impeached, for reasons her addled tongue can only hint at. . . and Charles $Tex( Colson, the .resident$s erstwhile s&ecial counsel, is denying all statements 3 sworn testimony, "y any"ody, lin#ing him to "urglaries, fire "om"ings, wire tappings, per%uries, payoffs and other routine felonies in connection with his %o" at the 4hite House. . . and .resident Nixon is relaxing, as it were, in his personal "each front mansion at San Clemente, California, surrounded "y the scuzzy remnants of his once imperial guard. . . 2ndeed, you can almost hear the rattle of martini cups along the airwa!es as *erald 4arren +on Piegler$s doomed replacement cran#s another hastily rewritten paragraph EAmendment No. =8 to .aragraph No. 6? of .resident

159 Nixon$s original statement denying e!erything. . .F into the o!erheated 1ex machine to the 4hite House, for immediate release to the national media. . . and the 4hite House press room is "oiling with guilt crazed %ournalists, ready to pounce on any new statement li#e a pac# of wild African dogs, to atone for all the things they #new "ut ne!er wrote when Nixon was riding high. . . 4hy does Nixon use the clumsy 1ex, instead of the Bo%oG 4hy does he drin# martinis, instead of 4ild Tur#eyG 4hy does he wear "oxer shortsG 4hy is his life a grim monument to e!erything plastic, de sexed and non sexualG 4hen 2 loo# at Nixon$s 4hite House 2 ha!e a sense of absolute personal alienation. The .resident and 2 seem to disagree on almost ever'thing except pro foot"all, and Nixon$s addiction to that has caused me to !iew it with a freshly %aundiced eye, or what the late Aohn Foster 1ulles called (an agonizing reappraisal.( Anything Nixon li#es must "e suspect. /i#e cottage cheese and catsup. . . (The 1ex machine.( AesusI /earning that Nixon and his people use this instead of the smaller, &uic#er, more !ersatile Eand porta"leF Bo%o 4ire was almost the final insult9 coming on the heels of the *ross sense of 2n%ury 2 felt when 2 saw that my name was not included on the infamous ()nemies of the 4hite House( list. 2 would almost ha!e preferred a !indicti!e tax audit to that #ind of crippling exclusion. ChristI 4hat #ind of waterheads compiled that listG How can 2 show my face in the Aerome 0ar, when word finally reaches Aspen that 2 wasn$t on itG Fortunately, the list was drawn up in the summer of $86 which partially explains why my name was missing. 2t was not until the autumn of $8@ that 2 "egan referring to The .resident, in nationally circulated print, as a Cheap%ac# .un# and a /ust Baddened 4erewolf, whose !ery existence was Eand remainsF a "ad cancer on the American political tradition. )!ery ad the pu"lishers prepared for my "oo# on the 678@ Campaign led off with a sa!age slur on all that +ichard Nixon e!er hoped to represent or stand for. The man is a wal#ing em"arrassment to the human race and especially, as 0o""y ,ennedy once noted, to that high, optimistic potential that fueled men li#e Aefferson and Badison, and which A"e /incoln once descri"ed as (the last, "est hope of man.( There is slim satisfaction in the #nowledge that my exclusion from the E6786F list of (4hite House enemies( has more to do with timing and +on Piegler$s refusal to read Rolling Stone than with the !alidity of all the things 2$!e said and written a"out that e!il "astard. 2 was, after all, the only accredited %ournalist co!ering the 678@ presidential campaign to compare Nixon with Adolf Hitler. . . 2 was the only one to descri"e him as a congenital thug, a fixer with the personal principles of a used car salesman. And when these distasteful excesses were pri!ately censured "y the docile 4hite House press corps, 2 compounded my flirtation with 0ad Taste "y descri"ing the 4hite House correspondents as a gang of lame whores 3 sheep without the "alls to e!en argue with +on Piegler who #ept them all dancing to Nixon$s "ogus tune, until it "ecame suddenly fashiona"le to see him for the hired liar he was and has "een all along. The nut of my complaint here in addition to "eing left off The /ist is rooted in a powerful resentment at not "eing recognized Enot e!en "y PieglerF for the insults 2 heaped on Nixon before he was laid low. This is a matter of %ournalistic ethics or perhaps e!en (sportsmanship( and 2 ta#e a certain pride in #nowing that 2 #ic#ed Nixon "efore he went down. Not afterwards though 2 plan to do that! too, as soon as possi"le. And 2 feel no more guilt a"out it than 2 would a"out setting a rat trap in my #itchen, if it e!er seemed necessary and certainly no more guilt than 2 #now Nixon would feel a"out hiring some thug li#e *ordon /iddy to set me up for a felony charge, if my name turned up on his /ist. 4hen they update the "ugger, 2 plan to "e on it. By attorney is e!en now preparing my tax records, with an eye to confrontation. 4hen the next list of (4hite House enemies( comes out, 2 want to "e on it. By son will ne!er forgi!e me ten years from now if 2 fail to clear my name and get grouped, for the record, with those whom +ichard Bilhous Nixon considered dangerous. 1ic# Tuc# feels the same way. He was sitting in my #itchen, watching the TD set, when Sam

160 1onaldson "egan reading The /ist on A0C TD. (Holy shitI( Tuc# muttered. (4e$re not on it.( (1on$t worry,( 2 said grimly. (4e "ill "e.( (4hat can we do." he as#ed. (,ic# out the %ams,( 2 said. (1on$t worry, 1ic#. 4hen the next list comes out, we$ll be there. 2 guarantee that.( 1r. Hunter S. Thompson (+ude Notes from a 1ecompression Cham"er in Biami(. . . Aune $8? F+CB 9 +aoul 1u#e, Sports )ditor TC9 BainJ)dit Control C.C.9 /egal, Finance, Security, et al. S-0A)CT9 2mminent emergence of 1r. Thomspon from the 1ecompression Cham"er in Biami, and pro"a"ly ina"ility of the Sports 1es# or anyone else to control his mo!ements at that time. . . (especially in connection with his ill concei!ed plan to mo!e the National Affairs 1es# "ac# to 4ashington and "ring +alph Steadman o!er from )ngland to cause trou"le at the 4atergate Hearings. . . )12TC+$S NCT)9
The following intra corporate memo arri!ed "y Bo%o wire from Colorado shortly "efore deadline time for this issue. 2t was greeted with mixed emotions "y all those potentially afflicted. . . and "ecause of the implications, we felt a certain o"ligation to lash up a &uic#, last minute explanation. . . primarily for those who ha!e ne!er understood the real function of +aoul 1u#e Ewhose official title is (sports editor(F, and also for the many readers whose attempts to reach 1r. Thompson "y mail, phone 3 other means ha!e not "orne fruit. The circumstances of 1r. Thompson$s remo!al from the .u"lic 4orld ha!e "een a carefully guarded secret for the past se!eral months. 1uring the last wee# of Barch after a strange encounter with Henry ,issinger while on (!acation( in Acapulco 1r. Thompson almost drowned when his SC-0A tan#s unexplaina"ly ran out of air while di!ing for "lac# coral off the Hucatan Coast of Bexico, at a depth of some ?:: feet. His rapid emergence from these depths according to witnesses resulted in a near fatal case of the 0ends, and an emergency chartered night flight to the nearest decompression cham"er, which happened to "e in Biami. 1r. Thompson was unconscious in the decompression cham"er a round steel cell a"out 6@ feet in diameter for almost three wee#s. 4hen he finally regained his wits it was impossi"le to spea# with him, except "y means of a crac#ed loudspea#er tu"e 3 "rief handwritten notes held up to the window. A tele!ision set was introduced into the cham"er at his insistence and, "y extremely complicated maneu!ering, he was a"le to watch the 4atergate hearings. . . "ut, due to the dangerous differences in pressurization, he was una"le to communicate anything "ut gar"led notes on his impressions to 1u#e, his long time friend and associate who flew to Biami immediately, at his own expense. 4hen it "ecame apparent that 1r. Thompson would "e in the cham"er indefinitely, 1u#e left him in Biami "reathing easily in the cham"er with a TD set 3 se!eral note"oo#s and returned to Colorado, where he spent the past three months handling the 1o#tor$s personal 3 "usiness affairs, in addition to organizing the s#eletal framewor# for his 678; Senate +ace. 2t was a familiar role for 1u#e, who has "een 1r. Thompson$s close friend 3 ad!iser since 67=> after 6; years of distinguished ser!ice in the C2A, the F02 and the .itts"urgh E.a.F .olice 2ntelligence -nit. His duties, since hiring on with 1r. Thompson, ha!e "een understanda"ly !aried. He has "een descri"ed as (a weapons expert,( a (ghost writer,( a ("odyguard,( a (wizard( and a ("rutal fixer.( (Compared to the things 2$!e done for Thompson,( 1u#e says, ("oth *ordon /iddy and Howard Hunt were stone &unks.( 2t is clear, from this memo, that 1u#e has spent a good "it of his time in Colorado watching the 4atergate hearings on TD "ut it is also clear that his tentati!e conclusions are !ery different from the ones 1r. Thompson reached, from his admittedly singular !antage point in that decompression cham"er in downtown Biami. The editors of R1223N( ST1N8 would prefer not to comment on either of these !iewpoints at this time, nor to comment on the nightmareJ"lizzard of )xpense Douchers su"mitted, "y 1u#e, in connexion with this du"ious memo. 2n accordance with our long tradition, howe!er, we are placing the .u"lic 2nterest Epu"lication of 1u#e$s memo, in this caseF on a plane far a"o!e and "eyond our ine!ita"ly mundane haggling a"out the cost of "rea#fast and lunch. 4hat follows, then, is a %angled mix of 1u#e$s official communications with this office, and Thompson$s

161
(4atergate Notes( Eforwarded to us, "y 1u#eF from his decompression cham"er in Biami. The chronology is not entirely consistent. 1u#e$s opening note, for instance, reflects his concern 3 alarm with 1r. Thompson$s decision to go directly from Biami once the doctors ha!e confirmed his a"ility to function in normal air pressures to the harsh 3 politically !olatile atmosphere in 4ashington, 1.C. -nli#e 1u#e, he seems "lindly o"sessed with the day to day details of the 4atergate hearings. . . and what is also clear from this memo is that 1r. Thompson has maintained regular contact Edespite all medical and physical realities, according to the doctors in charge of his Cham"er in BiamiF with his familiar campaign trail allies, Tim Crouse and +alph Steadman. An in!oice recei!ed only yesterday, from the manager of the 4atergate Hotel, indicates that some"ody has reser!ed a top floor ri!er !iew suite, under the names of (Thompson, Steadman 3 Crouse(. . . four ad%oining rooms at L@88 a day, with a long list of special e&uipment and an unlimited in house expense authorization. Needless to say, we will. . . "ut, why mention that nowG The dum" "uggers are already into it, and something is "ound to emerge. 4e sa!e the "argaining for later. . . The )ditors

,uke Memo No. J! Jul' =!<JCG *entlemen9 This will confirm my pre!ious warnings in re9 the dangerously unsta"le condition of 1r. Thompson, whose most recent communications lea!e no dou"t in my mind that he still considers himself the National Affairs )ditor of R1223N( ST1N8 and in that capacity he has somehow made arrangements to fly immediately from Biami to 4ashington, upon his release, to (co!er( the remaining episodes of the 4atergate Hearings. 2 ha!e no idea what he really means "y the word (co!er( "ut a phone tal# late last night with his doctors ga!e me serious pause. He will lea!e The Cham"er at the end of this wee#, and he$s tal#ing in terms of (saturation co!erage.( According to the doctors, there is no way to communicate with him in the Cham"er except "y notes held up to the glass window "ut 2 suspect he has a phone in there, "ecause he has o"!iously communicated at length with Crouse, Steadman, Ban#iewicz and se!eral others. A person resem"ling Crouse was seen loitering around the Cham"er last Bonday night around ?9?: AB. . . and a call to Steadman$s agent in /ondon confirmed that +alph has left his hideout in the south of France and is "oo#ed on a .aris 4ashington flight next Thursday, the day "efore Thompson$s release. Ban#iewicz denies e!erything, as usual, "ut 2 tal#ed to Sam 0rown in 1en!er yesterday and he said the word around 4ashington is that Fran# is (acting !ery ner!ous( and also ordering 4ild Tur#ey ("y the case( from Che!y Chase /i&uors. This indicates, to me, that Fran# #nows something. He has pro"a"ly "een tal#ing to Crouse, "ut Tim$s num"er in 0oston won$t answer, so 2 can$t confirm anything there. 1r. S&uane, the 0ends Specialist in Biami, says Thompson is (accepta"ly rational( whate!er that means and that they ha!e no reason to #eep him in The Cham"er "eyond Friday. By insistence that he "e returned at once to Colorado under guard if necessary has not "een ta#en seriously in Biami. The "ill for his stay in The Cham"er as you #now is already o!er L?:::, and they are not anxious to #eep him there any longer than a"solutely necessary. 2 got the impression, during my tal# with 1oc S&uane last night, that Thompson$s stay in The Cham"er has "een distinctly unpleasant for the staff. (2$ll ne!er understand why he didn$t %ust wither up and die,( S&uane told me. (Cnly a monster could sur!i!e that #ind of trauma.( 2 sensed disappointment in his !oice, "ut 2 saw no point in arguing. 4e$!e "een through this "efore, rightG And it$s always the same gig. By only concern for right now as Thompson$s de facto personal guardian is to ma#e sure he doesn$t get in!ol!ed in serious trou"le, if he$s serious a"out going to 4ashington. 4hich he is, 2 suspect and that means, if nothing else, that he$ll "e running up huge "ills on the R1223N( ST1N8 ta". 4hether or not he will write anything coherent is a moot point, 2 thin#,

162 "ecause "hatever he writes if anything will necessarily "e long out of date "y the time it appears in print. Not e!en the 4ashington .ost and the New Hor# Times, which arri!e daily E"ut three days lateF out here in 4oody Cree#, can compete with the spontaneous, "rain "oggling horrors "elching constantly out of the TD set. /ast Saturday afternoon, for instance, 2 was sitting here !ery peacefully minding the store, as it were when the tu"e suddenly erupted with a genuinely obscene con!ersation "etween Bi#e 4allace and Aohn )hrlichman. 2 was sitting on the porch with *ene Aohnston one of 1r. Thompson$s old friends and ex general manager of the Aspen 4allposter when Sandy called us inside to watch the show. )hrlichman$s face was so awful, so o"!iously mired in a lifetime of lies and lame treachery, that it was %ust a"out impossi"le to watch him in our twisted condition. (Aesus Christ, look at himI( Aohnston #ept muttering. (Two months ago, that "astard was running the countr'." He opened a "eer and whac#ed it down on the ta"le. (2 ne!er want to hear the word $paranoid$ again, goddamnitI Not after seeing that faceI( He reeled towards the front door, sha#ing his head and mum"ling9 (*od damnI 2 can$t stand itI( 2 watched the whole thing, myself, "ut not without pro"lems. 2t reminded me of 2ast 8 it to Arookl'n the rape of a "ent whore "ut 2 also #new 1r. Thompson was watching the show in Biami, and that it would fill him with !enom 3 craziness. 4hate!er small hope we might ha!e had of #eeping him away from 4ashington during this crisis was "urned to a cinder "y the 4allace )hrlichman show. 2t had the effect of reinforcing Thompson$s con!iction that Nixon has cashed his chec# and that possi"ility alone is enough to lure him to 4ashington for the death watch. By own prognosis is less drastic, at this point in time NsicO, "ut it$s also a fact that 2$!e ne!er "een a"le to share The 1o#tor$s o"sessi!e political !isions for good or ill. By %o" has to do with nuts 3 "olts, not terminal !engeance. And it also occurs to me that there is nothing in the 4atergate re!elations, thus far, to con!ince anyone "ut a stone partisan fanatic that we will all "e "etter off when it$s finished. As 2 see it, we ha!e already reaped the real "enefits of this spectacle the almost accidental castration of dehumanized power mongers li#e Haldeman, )hrlichman and Tom Charles Huston, that !icious young %ac#al of a lawyer from 2ndianapolis that Nixon put in charge of the Special 1omestic 2ntelligence operation. 1umping thugs li#e these out of power for the next three years gi!es us all new room to "reathe, for a while which is %ust a"out all we can hope for, gi!en the nature of the entrenched E1emocraticF opposition. Nixon himself is no pro"lem, now that all his ran#ing thugs ha!e "een neutralized. Aust imagine what those "astards might ha!e done, gi!en three more years on their own terms. )!en a casual reading of 4hite House memorandums in re9 1omestic Su"!ersi!es 3 Cther 4hite House )nemies E0ill Cos"y, Aames +eston, .aul Newman, Aoe Namath, et al.F is enough to &ueer the faith of any American less li"eral than Bussolini. Here is a paragraph from one of his ESeptem"er @6, 678:F memos to Harry (0o"( Haldeman9 (4hat we cannot do in a courtroom !ia criminal prosecutions to curtail the acti!ities of some of these groups, 2+S Nthe 2nternal +e!enue Ser!iceO could do "y administrati!e action. Boreo!er, !alua"le intelligence type information could "e turned up "y 2+S as a result of their field audits. . .( 1r. Thompson if he were with us 3 certifia"ly de pressurized at this point in time could offer some first hand testimony a"out how the 2+S and the Treasury 1epartment were used, "ac# in 678:, to wor# muscle on 2deological )nemies li#e himself. . . and if Thompson$s account might "e shrugged off as ("iased,( we can always compel the testimony of Aspen police chief, 1ic# +ichey, whose office safe still holds an illegal sawed off shotgun "elonging to a -S Treasury 1epartment underco!er agent from 1en!er who fuc#ed up in his efforts to con!ince 1r. Thompson that he should find a &uic# reason for dropping out of electoral politics. That incident came up the other afternoon at the Aerome 0ar in Aspen, when Ste!e /e!ine, a young reporter from 1en!er, o"ser!ed

163 that (Thompson was one of the original !ictims of the 4atergate syndrome "ut no"ody recognized it then' they called it .aranoia.( +ight. . . 0ut that$s another story, and well lea!e it for the 1o#tor to tell. After three months in the 1ecompression Cham"er, he will dou"tless "e cran#ed up to the fine pea#s of frenzy. His (4atergate notes from the Cham"er( show a powerful, "rain damaged #ind of zeal that will hopefully "e "rought under control in the near future. . . and 2$m enclosing some of them here, as crude e!idence to show he$s still functioning, despite the tragic handicap that comes with a "ad case of the 0ends. 2n closing, 2 remain. . . Hrs. in Fear 3 /oathing9 +aoul 1u#e, Spts. )d. )12TC+$S NCT)9
4hat follows is the unfinished mid section of 1r. Thompson$s Notes from the 1ecompression Cham"er. This section was written in his note"oo# on the day after con!icted 4atergate "urglar Aames BcCord$s appearance "efore the )r!in committee on national TD. 2t was transcri"ed "y a nurse who copied 1r. Thompson$s notes as he held them up, page "y page, through the pressure sealed window of his Cham"er. 2t is not clear, from the text, whether he deli"erately wrote this section with a (4oody Cree#, Colorado( dateline, or whether he planned to "e there "y the time it was printed. 2n either case, he was wrong. His case of the 0ends was se!ere, almost fatal. And e!en upon his release these is no real certainty of reco!ery. He might ha!e to re enter the 1ecompression Cham"er at any time, if he suffers a relapse. None of which has any "earing on what follows which was pu"lished exactly as he wrote it in the Cham"er9

Aesus, where will it endG Hesterday 2 turned on my TD set hungry for some decent up"eat news and here was an ex Army Air Force colonel with 67 years in the C2A under his "elt admitting that he$d willfully turned himself into a common low life "urglar "ecause he thought the Attorney *eneral and The .resident of the -S had more or less ordered him to. )x Colonel BcCord felt he had a duty to roam around the country "urglarizing offices and ransac#ing pri!ateJpersonal files "ecause the security of the -SA was at sta#e. 2ndeed, we were in serious trou"le last year and for fi!e or six years "efore that, if you "elie!e the muc# those two !icious and irresponsi"le young pun#s at the 4ashington .ost ha!e ra#ed up. (2mpeachment( is an ugly word, they say. Newswee# columnist Shana Alexander says (all "ut the !ulture hearted want to "elie!e him ignorant.( A wee# earlier, Bs. Alexander wrote a (lo!e letter( to Bartha Bitchell9 (Hou are in the "est tradition of American womanhood, defending your country, your flag. . . "ut most of all, defending your man.( 4ell. . . shuc#s. 2 can hardly cho#e "ac# the tears. . . and where does that lea!e .at Nixon, who apparently went on a world cruise under a different name the day after BcCord pulled the plug and wrote that de!astating letter to Audge Sirica. The pu"lic prints and especially Newswee# are full of senile gi""erish these days. Stewart Alsop wa#es up in a cold sweat e!ery morning at the idea that Congress might "e forced to impeach (The .resident.( For an answer to that, we can loo# to Hu"ert Humphrey from one of the nine speeches he made during his four and a half hour campaign for 1emocratic candidate *eorge Bc*o!ern in the waning wee#s of last No!em"er$s presidential showdown Humphrey was tal#ing to a crowd of hardhats in S.F., as 2 recall, and he said, (By friends, we$re not tal#ing a"out re electing the .resident we$re tal#ing a"out re electing +ichard Nixon.( )!en a "lind pig finds an acorn now and then. Humphrey$s !oice %ust "elched out of my radio, demanding that we get to the bottom of this %atergate mess! "ut meanwhile we ha!e to ma#e

164 sure the +us#ies understand that we all stand firmly "ehind The .resident. +ight. As far "ehind him as possi"le, if *C. standard "earers li#e 0. *oldwater and Hugh Scott are any measure of the party$s allegiance to the frightened unprincipled little shyster they were calling when they nominated him for re canonization ten months ago in Biami (one of the greatest .residents in American History.( 4e will want those tapes for posterity "ecause we won$t hear their li#e again from Scott, *oldwater, 1u#e 4ayne, Bartha, Sammy 1a!is, Senator .ercy or anyone else. Not e!en *eorge Beany will %oin a foursome with +ichard Nixon these days. The hallowed halls of the 4hite House no longer echo with the happy sound of "ouncing golf "alls. Cr foot"alls either, for that matter. . . or any other #ind. The hard nosed super executi!es Nixon chose to run this country for us turned on each other li#e rats in a slum fire when the first signs of trou"le appeared. 4hat we ha!e seen in the past few wee#s is the incredi"le spectacle of a .resident of the -nited States either firing or "eing hastily a"andoned "y all of his hired hands and cronies all the people who put him where he is today, in fact, and now that they$re gone he seems helpless. Some of his closest (friends( and ad!isers are headed for prison, his once helpless 1emocratic Congress is !erging on mutiny, the threat of impeachment looms closer e!ery day, and his co!eted (place in history( is e!en now "eing etched out in acid "y eager Har!ard historians. Six months ago +ichard Nixon was Peus himself, calling fire"om"s and shitrains down on friend and foe ali#e the most powerful man in the world, for a while "ut all that is gone now and nothing he can do will e!er "ring a hint of it "ac#. +ichard Nixon$s se!enth crisis will "e his last. He will go down with Harding and *rant as one of America$s classically rotten presidents. 4hich is exactly what he deser!es and if saying that ma#es me (one of the !ulture hearted,( "y Bs. Alexander$s lights. . . well. . . 2 thin# 2 can li!e with it. By grandmother was one of those stunned old ladies who cried when the 1u#e of 4indsor &uit the 0ig Throne to marry an American commoner "ac# in 67?=. She didn$t #now the 1u#e or anything a"out him. 0ut she #new along with millions of other old ladies and closet monarchists that a Cnce and Future ,ing had a duty to #eep up the act. She wept for her lost illusions for the same reason Stewart Alsop and Shana Alexander will weep tomorrow if .resident +ichard B. Nixon is impeached and put on trial "y the -S Senate. Cur Congressmen will do e!erything possi"le to a!oid it, "ecause most of them ha!e a deep and !isceral sympathy, howe!er denied and reluctant, for the (tragic circumstances( that led +ichard Nixon to what e!en )!ans and No!a# call (the "rin# of ruin.( The loyal opposition has not distinguished itself in the course of this long running nightmare. )!en Nixon$s oldest enemies are lying low, lea!ing the dirty wor# to hired lawyers and faceless in!estigators. Senators ,ennedy, Bc*o!ern and Ful"right are strangely silent, while Humphrey "a""les nonsense and Bus#ie hoards his energy for "eating "ac# personal attac#s "y Strom Thurmond. The only politicians tal#ing pu"licly a"out the dire implications of the 4atergate ice"erg are those who can$t a!oid it the four carefully selected eunuchJ1emocrats on the Senate Select 2n!estigating Committee and a handful of panic#ed +epu"licans up for re election in 678;. The slow rising central horror of (4atergate( is not that it might grind down to the reluctant impeachment of a !engeful thug of a president whose entire political career has "een a monument to the same #ind of cheap shots and treachery he finally got nailed for, "ut that we might somehow fail to learn something from it. Already with the worst news yet to come there is an ominous tide of pu"lic opinion that says whate!er Nixon and his small gang of henchmen and hired gunsels might ha!e done, it was pro"a"ly no worse than what other politicians ha!e "een doing all along, and still are. Any"ody who really "elie!es this is a fool "ut a lot of people seem to, and that e!idence is hard to ignore. 4hat almost happened here and what was only a!oided "ecause the men who made Nixon .resident and who were running the country in his name #new in their hearts that they

165 were all mean, hollow little "astards who couldn$t dare turn their "ac#s on each other was a ta#eo!er and total per!ersion of the American political process "y a gang of cold "looded fixers so incompetent that they couldn$t e!en pull off a simple "urglary. . . which tends to explain, among other things, why @<,::: young Americans died for no reason in Dietnam while Nixon and his "rain trust were trying to figure out how to admit the whole thing was a mista#e from the start.
At press time, the National Affairs Suite in 4ashington had "een re opened and prepared for (total co!erage.( Thompson arri!ed there Auly 8th, and we expect his reports soon.

Rolling Stone! K6;:, August @, 678?

#ear an- Loath+n* at the Water*ate< %r. "+8on Has Cashe- H+s Che,k
PART I The Wor3 Turns +n S4a3pto4n. . . V+olent Talk at the "at+onal A55a+rs $esk. . . A "arro4 Es,ape 5or Te8 Colson. . . Hea20 $ut0 +n The Bunker. . . "o Roo3 5or Gonzo6 ;Hell, The0 Alrea-0 Ha2e Th+s Stor0 "a+le- p an- Blee-+n* 5ro3 E2er0 E8tre3+t0.; Reflecting on the meaning of the last &residential election! 3 have decided at this &oint in time that Mr. Ni on*s landslide victor' and m' over"helming defeat "ill &robabl' &rove to be of greater value to the nation than "ould the victor' m' su&&orters and 3 "orked so hard to achieve. 3 think histor' ma' demonstrate that it "as not onl' im&ortant that Mr. Ni on "in and that 3 lose! but that the margin should be of stunning &ro&ortions. . . The shattering Ni on landslide! and the even more shattering e &osure of the corru&tion that surrounded him! have done more than 3 could have done in victor' to a"aken the nation. . . This is not a comfortable conclusion for a self#confident some "ould sa' self#righteous &olitician to reach. . . *eorge Bc*o!ern in the %ashington -ost: August 6@, 678? 2ndeed. 0ut we want to #eep in mind that (comforta"le( is a !ery relati!e word around 4ashington these days with the !icious tentacles of (4atergate( ready to wrap themsel!es around almost any"ody, at any moment and when Bc*o!ern composed those eminently reasona"le words in the study of his stylish home on the woodsy edge of 4ashington, he had no idea how close he$d %ust come to "eing made extremely (uncomforta"le.( 2 ha!e %ust finished ma#ing out a report addressed to some"ody named Charles +. +oach, a claims examiner at the Bid Atlantic +egional Head&uarters of A!is +ent a Car in Arlington, Dirginia. 2t has to do with a minor accident that occurred on Connecticut A!enue, in downtown 4ashington, shortly after *eorge and his wife had "ade farewell to the last staggering guests at the party he$d gi!en on a hot summer night in Auly commemorating the first anni!ersary of his seizure of the presidential nomination in Biami. The atmosphere of the party itself had "een amazingly loose and pleasant. Two hundred people had "een in!ited twice that many showed up to cele"rate what history will record, with at least a few asteris#s, as one of the most disastrous presidential campaigns in American history. Bidway in the e!ening 2 was standing on the patio, tal#ing to Carl 4agner and Holly Ban#iewicz, when the phone "egan ringing and whoe!er answered it came "ac# with the news that .resident Nixon had %ust "een admitted to the near"y 0ethesda Na!al Hospital with what was officially

166 announced as (!iral pneumonia.( No"ody "elie!ed it, of course. High powered %ournalists li#e Aac# *ermond and Aules 4itco!er immediately seized the phones to find out what was reall' wrong with Nixon. . . "ut the rest of us, no longer loc#ed into deadlines or the fast rising terrors of some tomorrow$s election day, merely shrugged at the news and #ept on drin#ing. There was nothing unusual, we felt, a"out Nixon ca!ing in to some real or e!en psychosomatic illness. And if the truth was worse than the news. . . well. . . there would "e nothing unusual a"out that either. Cne of the smallest and noisiest contingents among the @:: in!ited guests was the handful of "ig time %ournalists who$d spent most of last autumn dogging Bc*o!ern$s e!ery lame footstep along the campaign trail, while two third string police reporters from the 4ashington .ost were &uietly putting together the "iggest political story of 678@ or any other year a story that had already exploded, "y the time of Bc*o!ern$s (anni!ersary( party, into a scandal that has e!en now "urned a "ig hole for itself in e!ery American history text"oo# written from 678? till infinity. Cne of the most extraordinary aspects of the 4atergate story has "een the way the press has handled it9 4hat "egan in the summer of 678@ as one of the great media "ungles of the century has de!eloped, "y now, into what is pro"a"ly the most thoroughly and most professionally co!ered story in the history of American %ournalism. 4hen 2 "oomed into 4ashington last month to meet Steadman and set up the National Affairs 1es# once again 2 expected or in retrospect 2 think 2 expected to find the high rolling ne"s#meisters of the capital press corps %a""ering "lindly among themsel!es, once again, in some stylish sector of reality far remo!ed from the Bain Ner!e of (the story(. . . li#e clim"ing a"oard )d Bus#ie$s Sunshine S&ecial in the Florida primary and finding e!ery media star in the nation sipping 0loody Barys and con!inced they were riding the rails to Biami with (the candidate(. . . or sitting down to lunch at the Sioux Falls Holiday 2nn on election day with a half dozen of the hea!iest press wizards and coming away con!inced that Bc*o!ern couldn$t possi"ly lose "y more than ten points. By experience on the campaign trail in 678@ had not filled me with a real sense of awe, !is a !is the wisdom of the national press corps. . . so 2 was seriously %olted, when 2 arri!ed in 4ashington, to find that the "astards had this 4atergate story nailed up and "leeding from e!ery extremity from (4atergate( and all its twisted details, to 2TT, the Desco case, Nixon$s lies a"out the financing for his San Clemente "each mansion, and e!en the long dormant (Agnew Scandal.( There was not a hell of a lot of room for a *onzo %ournalist to operate in that high tuned atmosphere. For the first time in memory, the 4ashington press corps was wor#ing !ery close to the pea# of its awesome "ut normally dormant potential. The 4ashington .ost has a half dozen of the "est reporters in America wor#ing e!ery tangent of the 4atergate story li#e wild eyed %un#ies set adrift, with no warning, to find their next connection. The New Hor# Times, "adly "litzed on the story at first, called in hotrods from its "ureaus all o!er the country to o!ercome the .ost$s early lead. 0oth Time$s and Newswee#$s 4ashington "ureaus "egan scram"ling fe!erishly to find new angles, new connections, new lea#s and leads in this story that was unra!eling so fast that nobod' could stay on top of it. . . And especially not the three Eor fourF TD networ#s, whose whole machinery was geared to !isualJaction stories, rather than s#illfully planted tips from faceless lawyers who called on pri!ate phones and then refused to say anything at all in front of the cameras. The only standard "rand !isual (action( in the 4atergate story had happened at the !ery "eginning when the "urglars were caught in the act "y a s&uad of plain clothes cops with drawn guns and that happened so fast that there was not e!en a still photographer on hand, much less a TD camera. The networ# news moguls are not hungry for stories in!ol!ing wee#s of dreary in!estigation and minimum camera possi"ilities particularly at a time when almost e!ery ran#ing TD correspondent in the country was assigned to one aspect or another of a presidential campaign that

167 was still "oiling fe!erishly when the 4atergate "rea# in occurred on Aune 68th. The Biami con!entions and the )agleton fiasco #ept the 4atergate story "ac#stage all that summer. 0oth the networ#s and the press had their (first teams( out on the campaign trail until long after the initial indictments /iddy, Hunt, BcCord, et al. on Septem"er 6<th. And "y election day in No!em"er, the 4atergate story seemed li#e old news. 2t was rarely if e!er mentioned among the press people following the campaign. A "urglary at the 1emocratic National Head&uarters seemed relati!ely minor, compared to the action in Biami. 2t was a (local( E4ashingtonF story, and the (local staff( was handling it. . . "ut 2 had no local staff, so 2 made the o"!ious choice. )xcept on two occasions, and the first of these still haunts me. Cn the night of Aune 68th 2 spent most of the e!ening in the 4atergate Hotel9 From a"out eight o$cloc# until ten 2 was swimming laps in the indoor pool, and from 6:9?: until a "it after 69:: AB 2 was drin#ing te&uila in the 4atergate "ar with Tom Muinn, a sports columnist for the now defunct 4ashington 1aily News. Beanwhile, upstairs in room @6;, Hunt and /iddy were already monitoring the "rea# in, "y wal#ie tal#ie, with ex F02 agent Alfred 0aldwin in his well e&uipped spy nest across Dirginia A!enue in room ;67 of the Howard Aohnson Botor /odge. Aim BcCord had already taped the loc#s on two doors %ust underneath the "ar in the 4atergate garage, and it was pro"a"ly %ust a"out the time that Muinn and 2 called for our last round of te&uila that BcCord and his team of Cu"ans mo!ed into action and got "usted less than an hour later. All this was happening less than 6:: yards from where we were sitting in the "ar, suc#ing limes and salt with our Sauza *old and muttering dar#ly a"out the fate of 1uane Thomas and the pigs who run the National Foot"all /eague. Neither 0o" 4oodward nor Carl 0ernstein from the .ost were in!ited to Bc*o!ern$s party that night which was fitting, "ecause the guest list was limited to those who had li!ed through the day to day nightmare of the $8@ campaign. . . .eople li#e Fran# Ban#iewicz, Biles +u"in, +ic# Sterns, *ary Hart and e!en Newswee# correspondent 1ic# Stout, whose final dispatch on the doomed Bc*o!ern campaign !ery nearly got him thrown out of the ,akota Nueen 33 at ?:,::: feet o!er /incoln, Ne"ras#a, on the day "efore the election. This was the crowd that had gathered that night in Auly to cele"rate his last !ictory "efore the *reat 1isaster the slide that "egan with )agleton and ended, incredi"ly, with (4atergate.( The e!ents of the past six months had so "adly %angled the ner!es of the in!ited guests the staffers and %ournalists who had "een with Bc*o!ern from New Hampshire all the way to Sioux Falls on election day that no"ody really wanted to go to the party, for fear that it might "e a funeral and a serious "ummer. 0y the end of the e!ening, when the two dozen "itter enders had forced Bc*o!ern to "rea# out his own pri!ate stoc# ignoring the departure of the caterers and the dousing of the patio lights the "ul# of the con!ersation was focused on which one or ones of the Secret Ser!ice men assigned to protect Bc*o!ern had "een reporting daily to Ae" Bagruder at C+))., and which one of the ten or 6@ %ournalists with access to the innards of *eorge$s strategy had "een on C+)).$S payroll at L6<:: a month. This %ournalist still pu"licly un#nown and undenounced was referred to in 4hite House memos as (Chapman$s Friend,( a mysterious designation that puzzled the whole 4ashington press corps until one of the .resident$s "eleaguered ex aides explained pri!ately that (Chapman( is a name Nixon used, from time to time, in the good old days when he was a"le to tra!el around o"scure Holiday 2nns under phony names. . . +. Chapman, .epsi Cola salesman, New Hor# City. . . with a handful of friends carrying wal#ie tal#ies and wearing white leather shoulder holsters. . . 0ut what the hellG Aust send a case of .epsi up to the suite, my man, and don$t as# &uestions' your reward will come later call the 4hite House and as# for Howard Hunt or Aim BcCord' they$ll ta#e care of you. +ight. Cr may"e Tex Colson, who is slowly and surely emerging as the guiding light "ehind

168 Nixon$s whole arsenal of illegal, immoral and unethical ("lac# ad!ance( or (dirty tric#s( department. 2t was Colson who once remar#ed that he would (wal# o!er his grandmother for +ichard Nixon(. . . and it was Colson who hired head (plum"er( )gil (0ud( ,rogh, who in 67=7 told 1aniel T. Friedman, chairman of the psychiatry department at the -ni!ersity of Chicago9 (Anyone who opposes us, we$ll destroy. As a matter of fact, anyone who doesn$t support us, we$ll destroy.( Colson, the only one of Nixon$s top command to so far e!ade 4atergate$s legal noose, is the man who once told 4hite House cop Aac# Caulfield to put a fire"om" in the offices of the staidJli"eral 0roo#ings 2nstitution, in order to either steal or destroy some documents he considered incriminating. Colson now says he was (only %o#ing( a"out the fire"om" plan, "ut Caulfield too# it so seriously that he went to the 4hite House counsel Aohn 1ean and said he refused to wor# with Colson any longer, "ecause he was (crazy.( CrazyG Tex ColsonG Ne!er in Hell. (He$s the meanest man in American politics,( says Nixon$s speechwriter .at 0uchanan, smiling lazily o!er the edge of a "eer can "eside the pool outside his 4atergate apartment. 0uchanan is one of the few people in the Nixon administration with a sense of humor. He is so far to the right that he dismisses Tex Colson as a (Bassachusetts li"eral.( 0ut for some reason, 0uchanan is also one of the few people perhaps the only one on Nixon$s staff, who has friends at the other end of the political spectrum. At one point during the campaign 2 mentioned 0uchanan at Bc*o!ern Head&uarters, for some reason, and +ic# Sterns, perhaps the most hardline left "ent ideologue on Bc*o!ern$s staff, sort of chuc#led and said, (Ch yeah, we$re pretty good friends. .at$s the only one of those "astards o!er there with any principles.( 4hen 2 mentioned this to another Bc*o!ern staffer, he snapped9 (Heah, may"e so. . . li#e Aosef *oe""els had principles.( By own relationship with 0uchanan goes "ac# to the New Hampshire primary in 67=> when Nixon was still on the dim fringes of his political come"ac#. 4e spent a"out eight hours one night in a 0oston hotel room, finishing off a half gallon of Cld Crow and arguing sa!agely a"out politics9 As 2 recall, 2 #ept as#ing him why a person who seemed to ha!e good sense would "e hanging a"out with Nixon. 2t was clear e!en then that 0uchanan considered me stone crazy, and my dismissal of Nixon as a hopeless "um with no chance of winning anything seemed to amuse him more than anything else. A"out eight months later, after one of the strangest and most "rutal years in American history, +ichard Nixon was .resident and .at 0uchanan was one of his top two speechwriters along with +ay .rice, the house moderate. 2 didn$t see .at again until the Bc*o!ern Campaign in $8@ when +on Piegler refused to ha!e me on the Nixon .ress .lane and 0uchanan inter!ened to get me past the 4hite House *uard and into what turned out to "e a dull and useless seat on the plane with the rest of the 4hite House press corps. 2t was also 0uchanan who inter!iewed *arry 4ills, introducing him into the Nixon Campaign of 67=> an act of principle that resulted in an extremely unfriendly "oo# called Ni on Agonistes. So it seemed entirely logical, 2 thought going "ac# to 4ashington in the midst of this stin#ing 4atergate summer to call 0uchanan and see if he felt li#e ha!ing 6? or 6; drin#s on some afternoon when he wasn$t at the 4hite House wor#ing fe!erishly in what he calls (the "un#er.( .rice and 0uchanan write almost e!erything Nixon says and they are "usier than usual these days, primarily figuring out what not to say. 2 spent most of one Saturday afternoon with .at lounging around a tin um"rella ta"le "eside the 4atergate pool and tal#ing lazily a"out politics in general. 4hen 2 called him at the 4hite House the day "efore, the first thing he said was (Heah, 2 %ust finished your "oo#.( (Ch Aesus,( 2 replied, thin#ing this naturally meant the end of any relationship we$d e!er ha!e. 0ut he laughed. (Heah, it$s one of the funniest things 2$!e e!er read.( Cne of the first things 2 as#ed him that afternoon was something that had "een simmering in

169 my head for at least a year or so and that was how he could feel comforta"le with strange friends li#e me and +ic# Sterns, and particularly how he could possi"ly feel comforta"le sitting out in the open in plain sight of the whole 4atergate crowd with a #nown monster whose affection for +ichard Nixon was a matter of fairly "rutal common #nowledge or how he felt comforta"le playing po#er once or twice a wee# sometimes with +ic# Sterns, whose political !iews are almost as diametrically opposed to 0uchanan$s as mine are. He shrugged it off with a grin, opening another "eer. (Ch, well, we ideologues seem to get along "etter than the others. 2 don$t agree with +ic# on anything at all that 2 can thin# of, "ut 2 li#e him and 2 respect his honesty.( A strange notion, the far left and far right finding some #ind of odd common ground "eside the 4atergate pool and particularly when one of them is a top Nixon speechwriter, spending most of his time trying to #eep the 0oss from sin#ing li#e a stone in foul water, yet now and then laughingly referring to the 4hite House as The 0un#er. After the sixth or se!enth "eer, 2 told him a"out our a"orti!e plot se!eral nights earlier to seize Colson out of his house and drag him down .ennsyl!ania A!enue tied "ehind a huge gold Cldsmo"ile Cutlass. He laughed and said something to the effect that (Colson$s so tough, he might li#e it.( And then, tal#ing further a"out Colson, he said, (0ut you #now he$s not really a Conser!ati!e.( And that$s what seems to separate the two *C. camps, li#e it separates 0arry *oldwater from +ichard Nixon. Dery much li#e the difference "etween the Humphrey 1emocrats and the Bc*o!ern 1emocrats. The ideological wing !ersus the pragmatists, and "y 0uchanan$s standards it$s dou"tful that he e!en considers +ichard Nixon a Conser!ati!e. By strange and !iolent reference to Colson seemed to amuse him more than anything else. (2 want to "e !ery clear on one thing,( 2 assured him. (2f you$re thin#ing a"out ha!ing me "usted for conspiracy on this, remem"er that 2$!e already deli"erately dragged you into it.( He laughed again and then mentioned something a"out the (one o!ert act( necessary for a conspiracy charge, and 2 &uic#ly said that 2 had no idea where Tex Colson e!en li!ed and didn$t really want to #now, so that e!en if we$d wanted to drag the !icious "astard down .ennsyl!ania A!enue at =: miles per hour "ehind a gold Cldsmo"ile Cutlass we had no idea, that night, where to find him, and a"out halfway into the plot we crashed into a "lac# and gold Cadillac on Connecticut A!enue and drew a huge mo" of angry "lac#s who ended all thought of ta#ing !engeance on Colson. 2t was all 2 could do to get out of that scene without getting "eaten li#e a gong for the small crease our rented Cutlass had put in the fender of the Cadillac. 4hich "rings us "ac# to that accident report 2 %ust wrote and sent off to Br. +oach at A!is Bid Atlantic Head&uarters in Arlington. The accident occurred a"out ?9?: in the morning when either 4arren 0eatty or .at Caddell opened the door of a gold Cldsmo"ile Cutlass 2$d rented at 1ulles airport earlier that day, and "anged the door against the fender of a massi!e "lac# 3 gold Cadillac roadster par#ed in front of a late night restaurant on Connecticut A!enue called Anna Baria$s. 2t seemed li#e a small thing at the time, "ut in retrospect it might ha!e spared us all including Bc*o!ern an extremely nasty episode. 0ecause somewhere in the late hours of that e!ening, when the drin# had ta#en hold and people were %a""ering loosely a"out anything that came into their heads, some"ody mentioned that (the worst and most !icious( of Nixon$s "ac#stairs 4hite House hit men Charles (Tex( Colson was pro"a"ly the only one of the dozen or more NixonJC+. functionaries thus far suc#ed into (the 4atergate scandal( who was not li#ely to do any time, or e!en "e indicted. 2t was a long, free falling con!ersation, with people wandering in and out, o!er a time span of an hour or so %ournalists, pols, spectators and the focus of it, as 2 recall, was a &uestion that 2 was trying to get some "ets on9 How many of the primary 4atergate figures would actually ser!e time in prisonG The reactions ranged from my own guess that only Bagruder and 1ean would li!e long

170 enough to ser!e time in prison, to Ban#iewicz$s flat assertion that (e!ery"ody except Colson( would "e indicted, con!icted, sentenced and actually hauled off to prison. E)!ery"ody in!ol!ed in this con!ersation will no dou"t deny any connection with it or e!en hearing a"out it, for that matter "ut what the hellG 2t did, in fact, ta#e place o!er the course of some two or three days, in se!eral locations, "ut the seed of speculation too# root in the final early morning hours of Bc*o!ern$s party. . . although 2 don$t remem"er that *eorge himself was in!ol!ed or e!en within earshot at any time. He has finally come around to the point where his friends don$t mind calling him (*eorge( in the friendly pri!acy of his own home, "ut that is not &uite the same thing as getting him in!ol!ed in a felony conspiracyJattempted murder charge that some wild eyed, Nixon appointed gee# in the Austice 1epartment might try to cran# up on the "asis of a series of "oozy con!ersations among %ournalists, politicians and other half drun# cynics. Any"ody who has spent any time around late night motel "ars with the press corps on a presidential campaign #nows "etter than to ta#e their tal# seriously. . . "ut after reading re!iews of my "oo# on the $8@ campaign, it occurs to me that some people will "elie!e almost an'thing that fits their preconcei!ed notions.F And so much for all that. August =nd -atio Aar beside the %ashington $ilton S"imming -ool Steadman and his wife had %ust arri!ed from )ngland. Sandy had flown in the day "efore from Colorado and 2 had come up from Biami after a long !acation in the decompression cham"er. 2t was a Tuesday or 4ednesday afternoon, 2 thin#, and the 4atergate Hearings were in progress "ut we$d decided to ta#e the first day off and get oursel!es under control. Cne of the first things 2 had to do was ma#e out a long o!erdue accident report for that night, two wee#s earlier, when the door of my rented car smac#ed into the Cadillac at four in the morning. The A!is people were threatening to cut off my co!erage for (non cooperation( so 2$d "rought the insanely complicated accident report down to the patio ta"le "y the pool, thin#ing to fill it out with the help of eight or nine Carls"ergs. Steadman was already s#etching distractedly, swilling "eers at a fe!erish rate and muttering dar#ly to himself a"out the terri"le conditions in the hotel and how earlier that morning while passing thru the coffee shop, a huge ceiling lamp had fallen from the ceiling and nearly #illed him. 2t was (teddi"le teddi"le,( he said, (the damn thing came so close that it #noc#ed my "riefcase full of drawings out of my hand. Six inches closer and it would ha!e ca!ed in my headI( 2 nodded sympathetically, thin#ing it was %ust another one of those ugly twists of luc# that always seem to affect +alph in this country, and 2 #ept on grappling with the accident report. Steadman was still "a""ling. (*od, it$s hot. . . Ah, this teddi"le thirst. . . what$s that you$!e got thereG( (The goddamn accident report. 2$!e got to ma#e it out.( (Accident reportG( (Heah, 2 had a small wrec# the last time 2 was here a"out two wee#s ago. . .( (Alright, alright. . . Hes, two more Carls"ergs.( (. . . And the car "lew up the next night and 2 had to a"andon it in +oc# Cree# .ar# at four in the morning. 2 thin# they$re still "illing me for it.( (4hoG( (The A!is people.( (By *od, that$s teddi"le.( (2 only had it two nights. The first night 2 had this wrec#, and the next night it "lew up.( (4hat were you doing in this wretched city at four in the morningG( (4ell, actually we were thin#ing a"out going out to Tex Colson$s house and %er#ing him out of "ed, tying him "ehind the car with a "ig rope and dragging him down .ennsyl!ania A!enue. . . then cutting him loose in front of the 4hite House *uard *ate.(

171 (Hou$re #idding. . . Hou don$t really mean that. Hou wouldn$t do a thing li#e that, would youG( (Cf course not. That would "e a conspiracy to commit either murder or aggra!ated assault, plus #idnapping. . . and you #now me, +alph' that$s not my style at all.( (That$s what 2 mean. Hou were drun# perhaps, ehG( (Ah, we were drun# yes. 4e$d "een to a party at Bc*o!ern$s.( (Bc*o!ern$sG 1rin#ingG 4ho was with youG( (1rin#ing hea!ily, yes. 2t was 4arren 0eatty and .at Caddell, Bc*o!ern$s poll wizard, and myself and for some reason it occurred to me that the thing to do that hour of the morning was to go out and get Colson.( (By *od, that$s crazyI Hou must ha!e "een stoned and drun# especially "y four in the morning.( (4ell, we left Bc*o!ern$s at a"out @9?: and we were supposed to meet Crouse at this restaurant downtown. . . Bc*o!ern li!es somewhere in the Northwest part of town and it had ta#en me two hours to find the damn house and 2 figured it would ta#e me another two hours to get out again unless 2 could follow some"ody. Crouse was a"out a "loc# ahead of me when we left. 2 could see his taillights "ut there was another car "etween me and Crouse and 2 was afraid 2$d lose him in that maze of narrow little streets, almost li#e country lanes. ( $4e can$t let Crouse get away,$ 2 said. So 2 slammed it into passing gear and passed the car right in front of me in order to get "ehind Crouse, and all of a sudden here was a car coming the other direction on this street a"out 6< feet wide %ust "arely enough room for two cars to pass and certainly not enough room for three cars to pass, one of them going a"out 8: miles an hour with a drun# at the wheel. (2 thought, hmmmm, well. . . 2 can either slow down or stomp on it and s&ueeze in there, so 2 stomped on it and forced the oncoming car up o!er the cur" and onto the grass in order to a!oid me as 2 came hurtling "ac# into my own lane, and %ust as 2 flashed past him 2 happened to loo# o!er and saw that it was a police car. 4ell, 2 thought, this is not the time to stop and apologize' 2 could see him in my rear !iew mirror, stopping and "eginning to turn around. . . So instead of following Crouse, 2 too# the first left 2 could, turned the lights off and dro!e li#e a "astard assuming the cop would pro"a"ly chase Crouse and run him down and arrest him, "ut as it happened he didn$t get either of us.( (4hat a rotten thing to do.( (4ell, it was him or me, +alph. . . as a matter of fact 2 worried a"out it when we didn$t see Tim at the restaurant later on. 0ut we were late "ecause we did some high speed dri!ing exercises in the Southeast area of 4ashington flashing along those "ig empty streets going into corners at >: miles an hour and doing 6>:s. . . it was a sort of thunder road dri!ing trip, screwing it on with that "ig Cutlass.( ()normous carG( (A real monster, extremely o!erpowered. . .( (How "ig is itG The size of a "usG( (No, normal size for a "ig car, "ut extremely powerful much more, say, than a Bustang or something li#e that. 4e did a"out an hour$s worth of crazed dri!ing on these deserted streets, and it was during this time that 2 mentioned that we should pro"a"ly go out and ha!e a word with Br. Colson "ecause during a con!ersation earlier in the e!ening, the consensus among the reporters at Bc*o!ern$s party was that Colson was pro"a"ly the only one of Nixon$s first ran# henchmen who would pro"a"ly not e!en "e indicted.( (4hy$s thatG( (He had managed to #eep himself clean, somehow up to that point anyway. Now, he$s "een dragged into the 2TT hassle again, so it loo#s li#e he might go down with all the others.

172 (0ut at that point, we thought, well, Colson really is the most e!il of those "astards, and if he gets off there is really no %ustice in the world. So we thought we$d go out to his house luc#ily none of us #new where he li!ed and "eat on his door, mum"ling something li#e9 $*od$s mercy on meI By wife$s "een rapedI By foot$s "een cut offI$ Anything to lure him downstairs. . . and the minute he opened the door, seize him and drag him out to the car and tie him "y the an#les and drag him down to the 4hite House.( (He could identify you. . .( (4ell, he wouldn$t ha!e time to #now exactly who it was "ut we thought a"out it for a while, still dri!ing around, and figured a "eastly thing li#e that might "e the only thing that could get Nixon off the hoo#, "ecause he could go on tele!ision the next afternoon, demanding to ma#e a nationwide emergency statement, saying9 $/oo# what these thugs ha!e done to poor Br. ColsonI This is exactly what we were tal#ing a"outI This is why we had to "e so !iolent in our ways, "ecause these thugs will stop at nothingI They dragged Br. Colson the length of .ennsyl!ania A!enue at four in the morning, then cut him loose li#e a piece of meatI$ He would call for more sa!age and stringent security measures against $the #ind of animals who would do a thing li#e this.$ So we put the plot out of our heads.( (4ell, it would ha!e "een a "it ris#y. . . wouldn$t ha!e done the 1emocratic party any good at all, would itG( (4ell, it might ha!e created a "it of an image pro"lem and it would ha!e gi!en Nixon the one out he desperately needs now, a way to %ustify the whole 4atergate trip "y ra!ing a"out $this "rutal act.$. . . That$s an old Hell$s Angels gig, dragging people down the street. Hell$s Angels. .achucos, drun#en cow"oys. (0ut 2 thought more a"out it later, when 2 finally got "ac# to the hotel after that stin#ing accident 2$m still trying to explain. . . and it occurred to me that those "astards are really mean enough to do that to Colson themsel!es if they only had the wits to thin# a"out it. They could go out and drag him down the street in a car with old Bc*o!ern stic#ers on the "umpers or put on false "eards and wa!e a wine "ottle out the window as they passed the 4hite House and cut him loose. He$d roll to a stop in front of the *uard House and the *uard would clearly see the Bc*o!ern stic#er on the car screeching off around the corner and that$s all Nixon would need. 2f we ga!e them the idea, they$d pro"a"ly go out and get Colson tonight.( (He$d "e "a""ling, 2$d thin# ( (He$d "e hysterical, in !ery "ad shape. And of course he$d claim that Bc*o!ern thugs had done it to him if he were still a"le to tal#. 2 really "elie!e Nixon would do a thing li#e that if he thought it would get him out of the hole. . . So 2 thought a"out it a little more, and it occurred to me what we should do was ha!e these mas#s made up you #now those ru""er mas#s that fit o!er the whole head.( (Ah yes, !ery con!incing. . .( (Heah, one of them would ha!e to "e the face of Haldeman, one the face of )hrlichman and one the face of Tony -lasewicz.( (Hes, the meanest men on the Nixon Staff.( (4ell, Colson$s the meanest man in politics, according to .at 0uchanan. -lasewicz is the hit man, a hired thug. 2 thought if we put these mas#s on and wore "ig o!ercoats or something to disguise oursel!es and went out to his house and #ind of shouted9 $Tex, TexI 2t$s me, Tony. Come on down. 4e$!e got a "ig pro"lem.$ And the minute he opens the door, these people with the Haldeman and )hrlichman mas#s would %ump out from either side and seize him "y each arm so that he sees who has him, "ut only for two or three seconds, "efore the person wearing the -lasewicz mas# slaps a huge "urlap sac# o!er his head, #nots it around his #nees and then the three of them carry him out to the car and lash him to the rear "umper and drag him down the street and %ust as we passed the 4hite House *uard Station, slash the rope so that Colson would come to a tum"ling "loody stop

173 right in front of the guard. . . and after two or three days in the )mergency 4ard, when he was finally a"le to tal#, after coming out of shoc#, he would swear that the people who got him were Haldeman, )hrlichman and -lasewicz and he would kno" they were mean enough to do it, "ecause that$s the way he thin#s. He$s mean enough to do it himself. Hou$d ha!e to pic# a night when they were all in 4ashington, and Colson would swear that they did it to him, no matter what they said. He would kno" it, "ecause he had seen them.( $(0rilliant, "rilliant. Hes, he$d "e a"solutely con!inced ha!ing seen the men and the faces.( (+ight. 0ut of course you couldn$t tal# %ust seize him and go. 4hat would you thin# if you loo#ed out and saw three people you recognized, and suddenly they %er#ed you up and tied you "ehind a car and dragged you ;: "loc#sG Hell, you sa" them. Hou$d testify, swear under oath. . . which would cause Nixon pro"a"ly to go completely crazy. He wouldn$t #now "hat to "elie!eI How could he "e sure that Haldeman, )hrlichman and -lasewicz hadn$t done itG No"ody would #now, not e!en "y using lie detectors. . . 0ut that$s a pretty hea!y act to get into dragging people around the street "ehind rented A!is cars, and we ne!er &uite got "ac# to it, anyway, "ut if we hadn$t had that accident we might ha!e gi!en it a little more thought although 2 still ha!e no idea where Colson li!es and 2 still don$t want to #now. 0ut you ha!e to admit it was a nice idea.( (That$s a lo!ely thing, yes.( (Hou #now Colson had that sign on the wall in his office saying CNC) HC- HAD) TH)B 0H TH) 0A//S, TH)2+ H)A+TS AN1 B2N1S 42// FC//C4.( (+ight.( (He$s an ex Barine captain. So it would "e a definite dose of his own medicine.( (1o you really thin# he deser!es that #ind of treatmentG( (4ell, he was going to set off a fire"om" in the 0roo#ings 2nstitution, %ust to reco!er some papers. . . Colson is not one of your friendlier, happier type of persons. He$s an e!il "astard, and dragging him down the street would certainly stri#e a note of terror in that crowd' they could use some humility.( (.oetic %ustice, noG( (4ell, it$s a little rough. . . it might not "e necessary to drag him ;: "loc#s. Bay"e %ust four. Hou could put him in the trun# for the first ?= "loc#s, then haul him out and drag him the last four' that would certainly scare the piss out of him, "umping along the street, feeling all his s#in "eing ripped off. . .( (He$d "e a "loody mess. They might thin# he was %ust some drun# and let him lie there all night.( (1on$t worry a"out that. They ha!e a guard station in front of the 4hite House that$s open @; hours a day. The guards would recognize Colson. . . and "y that time of course his wife would ha!e called the cops and reported that a "unch of thugs had #idnapped him.( (4ouldn$t it "e a little #inder if you dro!e a"out four more "loc#s and stopped at a phone "ox to ring the hospital and say, $4ould you mind going around to the front of the 4hite HouseG There$s a na#ed man lying outside in the street, "leeding to death. . .$ ( (. . . and we thin# it$s Br. Colson.( (2t would "e &uite a story for the newspapers, wouldn$t itG( (Heah, 2 thin# it$s safe to say we$d see some headlines on that one.( PART II #lash1a,ks 7 T+3e Warps. . . S,ra31le- "otes an- Ru-e Co33ents 5ro3 the H+*h Countr0. . . $ean 2s. Hal-e3an +n the Hear+n* Roo3. . . A )uest+on o5 PerJur0. . . Ehrl+,h3an San-1a*s an !l- Bu--0. . . Are the Sharks $esert+n* the Su,k5+sh6

174
)12TC+$S NCT)9 1ue to circumstances "eyond our control, the following section was lashed together at the last moment from a six pound "undle of documents, note"oo#s, memos, recordings and secretly taped phone con!ersations with 1r. Thompson during a month of erratic "eha!ior in 4ashington, New Hor#, Colorado and Biami. His (long range plan,( he says, is to (refine( these ner!e wrac#ing methods, somehow, and e!entually (create an entirely new form of %ournalism.( 2n the meantime, we ha!e suspended his monthly retainer and canceled his credit card. 1uring one four day period in 4ashington he destroyed two cars, crac#ed a wall in the 4ashington Hilton, purchased two French Horns at L66:: each and ran through a plate glass door in a Tur#ish restaurant. Compounding the pro"lem was the presence in 4ashington, for the first time, of our artist +alph Steadman an extremely hea!y drin#er with little or no regard for either protocol or normal social amenities. Cn Steadman$s first !isit to the 4atergate Hearing +oom he was e%ected "y the Capitol .olice after spilling "eer on a TD monitor and #noc#ing Sam )r!in off his feet while attempting to seize a microphone to ma#e a statement a"out (the rottenness of American politics.( 2t was only the timely inter!ention of New Hor# .ost correspondent Aohn /ang that #ept Steadman from "eing permanently "arred from the Hearing +oom. 2n any case, the "ul# of what follows appears exactly as 1r. Thompson wrote it in his note"oo#s. *i!en the realities of our constant deadline pressure, there was no other way to get this section into print.

The Notebooks "Jesus! this %atergate thing is unbelievable. 3t*s terrible! like finding out 'our "ife is running around but 'ou don*t "ant to hear about it." +emar# of a fat man from Nash!ille sharing a taxi with +alph Steadman. Tuesda' morning FL=FLCG >:<G AM in the Rockies. . . 0right sun on the grass outside my windows "ehind this %un# TD set and long white snowflelds, still unmelted, on the pea#s across the !alley. )!ery two or three minutes the doleful screech of a half wild peacoc# rattles the windows. The "astard is strutting around on the roof, shattering the morning calm with his senseless cries. His noise is a "ad "urden on Sandy$s ner!es. (*od damn itI( she mutters. (4e have to get him a henI( (Fuc# him' we got him a hen and she ran off and got herself #illed "y coyotes. 4hat the crazy "astard needs now is a "ullet through the !ocal cords. He$s "eginning to sound li#e Herman Talmadge.( (TalmadgeG( (4atch what$s happening, goddamnitI Here$s another true Son of the South. First it was Thompson. . . now Talmadge. . . and then we$ll get that half wit pimp from Florida.( (*urneyG( 2 nodded, staring fixedly at the "ig "lueish eye of the permanently malfunctioned (color TD( set that 2 hauled "ac# from 4ashington last summer, when 2 finally escaped from the place. . . 0ut now 2 was using it almost fe!erishly, day after day, to watch what was ha&&ening in 4ashington. The 4atergate Hearings my daily fix, on TD. Thousands of people from all o!er the country are writing the networ#s to demand that this goddamn tedious nightmare "e %er#ed off the air so they can get "ac# to their fa!orite soap operas9 As the %orld Turns! The 8dge of Night! The -rice 3s Right and %hat Ne t for %eird Aett'. They are "ored "y the spectacle of the 4atergate hearings. The plot is confusing, they say' the characters are dull, and the dialogue is repulsi!e. The .resident of the -nited States would ne!er act that way at least not during "ase"all season. /i#e Nixon$s new 4hite House chief of staff, Bel!in /aird, said shortly "efore his appointment9 (2f the .resident turns out to "e guilty, 2 don$t want to hear a"out it.( This is the other end of the attitude spectrum from the comment 2 heard, last wee#, from a

175 man in 1en!er9 (2$!e "een waiting a long time for this,( he said. (Bay"e not as long as Aerry Doorhis or Helen *ahagan 1ouglas. . . and 2 ne!er really thought it would happen, to tell you the truth.( He flashed me a humorless smile and turned "ac# to his TD set. (0ut it is! "y godI And it$s almost too good to "e true.( By pro"lem %ournalistically, at least has its roots in the fact that 2 agree with %ust a"out e!erything that laughing, !engeful "astard said that day. 4e didn$t tal# much. There was no need for it. )!erything +ichard Bilhous Nixon e!er stood for was going up in smo#e right in front of our eyes. And any"ody who could understand and appreciate that! 2 felt, didn$t need many words to communicate. At least not with me. EThe &uestion is9 what did he stand for! and what next for that. AgnewG +eaganG +oc#efellerG )!en .ercyG Nixon was finally (successful( for the same reason he was finally "rought low. He #ept pushing, pushing, pushing and ine!ita"ly he pushed too far.F Noon Tuesda'! June =Fth

The TD set is out on the porch now a mo!e that in!ol!ed much cursing and staggering. 4eic#er has the mi#e mono a mono on 1ean and after 6? minutes of apparently aimless "lathering he comes off no "etter than Talmadge. 4eic#er seemed oddly cautious a trifle o"tuse, perhaps. 4hat are the connectionsG 4eic#er is a personal friend of .at *ray$s. He is also the only mem"er of the Select Committee with after hours personal access to Aohn 1ean. "## 2ive from Senate /aucus Room ##" flash on /AS screen /i!eG +ehearsedG 2n any case, 1ean is li!elier than most not only "ecause of what he has to say, "ut "ecause he unli#e the other witnesses refused to say it first in executi!e session to Committee staffers "efore going on TD. Strange 1ean$s o"!ious credi"ility comes not from his long awaited impact Eor lac# of itF on the American pu"lic, "ut from his o"!ious a"ility to deal with the se!en Senatorial 2n&uisitors. They seem awed. 1ean got his edge, early on, with a moc#ing lash at the integrity of Binority Counsel Fred Thompson and the others fell mee#ly in line. 1ean radiates a certain !ery narrow #ind of authority nothing &ersonal! "ut the #ind of nasal "lan# hearted authority you feel in the presence of the taxman or a !ery polite F02 agent. Cnly 0a#er remains. $is credi"ility too# a "ad "eating yesterday. 1ean ran straight at him, startling the TD audience with constant references to 0a#er$s personal dealings with (the 4hite House,( prior to the hearings. There was no need to mention that 0a#er is the son in law of that late and only half lamented (Solon( from the *reat State of 2llinois, Sen. )!erett 1ir#sen. 1ean is clearly a shrewd e ecutive. He will ha!e no trou"le getting a good %o" when he gets out of prison. Now Bontoya the flaccid Bex Am from New Bexico. No pro"lem here for Aohn 1ean. . . Suddenly Bontoya hits 1ean head on with Nixon$s "ogus &uote a"out 1ean$s investigation clearing all mem"ers of 4hite House staff. 1ean calmly shrugs it off as a lie (2 ne!er made any in!estigation.( Bontoya continues with entire list of &rior Nixon statements. 1ean9 (2n totality, there are less than accurate statements in that. . . ah. . . those statements.( Bontoya is after Ni on*s head+ 2s this the first sign. C!er the hump for Tric#y 1ic#G SSS +ecall lingering memory of Biami 0each plainclothes cop, resting in armory "ehind

176 Con!ention Center on night of Nixon$s renomination E(Hou tell $em, Tric#y 1ic#.(F watching Nixon$s speech on TD. . . with tear gas fumes all around us and demonstrators gagging outside. E:=H 8,T As usual, the pace pic#s up at the end. These "uggers should "e forced to #eep at it for 6< or 6= straight hours hea!y doses of speed, pots of coffee, 4ild Tur#ey, etc., force them down to the ra!ing hysterical 9uick. 4ild accusations, etc. . . 1ean "ecomes more confident as time goes on a "it fli& now, finding his feet. Frida' morning! June @7. . . >:GG AM Aesus, this waterhead *urney againI Hou$d thin# the poor "ugger would ha!e the sense to not tal# anymore. . . "ut no, *urney is still "lundering along, still hammering "lindly at the receding edges of 1ean$s (credi"ility( in his now o"!ious role as what Fran# +eynolds and Sam 1onaldson on A0C TD "oth descri"ed as (the water"oy for the 4hite House.( *urney appears to "e deaf' he has a "rain li#e a cow$s udder. He as#s his &uestions off the typed list apparently furnished him "y Binority E*C.F counsel, Fred A, Thompson then his mind seems to wander, his eyes roam lazily around the room while Thompson whispers industriously in his ear, his hands shuffle papers distractedly on the ta"le in front of his microphone. . . and meanwhile, 1ean meticulously chews up his &uestions and hands them "ac# to him in shreds' so pu"licly mangled that their fate might "adly em"arrass a man with good sense. . . 0ut *urney seems not to notice9 His only %o" on this committee is to ,efend the -residenc'! according to his instructions from the 4hite House or at least whate!er third string hangers on might still "e wor#ing there and what we tend to forget, here, is that it$s totally impossi"le to understand *urney$s real moti!es without remem"ering that he$s the +epu"lican Senator from Florida, a state where *eorge 4allace swept the ,emocratic &rimar' in 678@ with 8>X of the !ote, and which went 8@X for Nixon in No!em"er. 2n a state where e!en Hu"ert Humphrey is considered a dangerous radical, )d *urney$s decision to ma#e an ignorant yahoo of himself on national TD ma#es excellent sense at least to his own constituency. They are watching TD down in Florida today, along with the rest of the country, and we want to remem"er that if *urney appears in 1etroit and Sacramento as a hideous caricature of the im"ecilic Senator Cornpone that$s not necessarily the way he appears to the !oters around Tallahassee and St. .eters"urg. Florida is not Biami contrary to the pre!ailing national image and one of the enduring mysteries in American politics is how a humane 3 relati!ely enlightened politician li#e +eu"in As#ew could ha!e "een elected *o!ernor of one of the few states in the country where *eorge 4allace would ha!e easily "eaten +ichard Nixon in a head to head presidential race in either 67=> or 678@. Cr e!en 678=, for that matter. . . And so much for all that. *urney is off the air now ha!ing got himself tangled up in a legalJconstitutional argument with Sam )r!in and 1ean$s attorney. He finally %ust hun#ered down and passed the mi#e to Senator 2nouye, who immediately re focused the &uestioning "y prodding 1ean$s memory on the su"%ect of 4hite House efforts to see# !engeance on their (enemies.( 4hich Senators in addition to Teddy ,ennedy were su"%ects of sur!eillance "y Nixon$s gumshoesG 4hich %ournalists in addition to the man from Newsday who wrote unfa!ora"le things a"out 0e"e +e"ozo were put on The /ist to ha!e their tax returns auditedG 4hich athletes and actors in addition to Aoe Namath and .aul Newman were put on the list to "e (screwed(G 1ean$s answers were !ague on these things. He$s not interested in (interpreting the moti!es

177 of others,( he says which is an easy thing to forget, after watching him on the tu"e for three days, repeatedly incriminating at least half the ran#ing fixers in Nixon$s inner circle9 Colson, Haldeman, )hrlichman, Bitchell, Bagruder, Strachan, Piegler, Boore, /a+ue, ,ata"ach, Nofziger, ,rogh, /iddy, ,leindienst. . . and the e!idence is (mind "oggling,( in Senator 0a#er$s words, when it comes in the form of !er"atim memos and taped phone con!ersations. The simple minded !engefulness of the language seems at least as distur"ing as the !engeful plots un!eiled. B:BB -M Sitting out here on the porch, na#ed in a roc#ing chair in the half shade of a dwarf %uniper tree loo#ing out at snow co!ered mountains from this hot lizard$s perch in the sun with no clouds at >::: feet a mile and a half high, as it were it is hard to grasp that this dim "lue tu"e sitting on an old "ullet poc#ed tree stump is "ringing me e!ery uncensored detail for fi!e or six hours each day from a musty "rown room @::: miles east of a story that is "eginning to loo# li#e it can ha!e only one incredi"le ending the downfall of the .resident of the -nited States. Six months ago, +ichard Nixon was the most powerful political leader in the history of the world, more powerful than Augustus Caesar when he had his act rolling full "ore six months ago. Now, with the passing of each sweaty afternoon, into what history will call (the Summer of $8?,( +ichard Nixon is "eing dragged closer and closer with all deli"erate speed, as it were to disgrace and merciless infamy. His place in history is already fixed9 He will go down with *rant and Harding as one of democracy$s classic mutations. J:== -M 0illy *raham Crusade on "oth TD channels. . . 0ut whatG 4hat$s happening hereG An acid flash"ac#G A time warpG C0S has *raham in Crange County, ra!ing a"out (redemption through blood.( Hes, *od demands Alood+. . . "ut A0C is running the *raham Crusade in South Africa, a huge all white Afri#aner pep rally at Aohannes"urg$s 4anderers Stadium. E1id 2 finally get that right, are these mushrooms decei!ing meGF Strange. . . on this e!e of Nixon$s demise, his pri!ate preacher is ra!ing a"out blood in /os Angeles Ein!o#ing the actual "loody images of +o"ert ,ennedy$s "rain on the cold concrete floor of the Am"assador Hotel #itchen and Aac# ,ennedy$s "lood on his widow$s dress that tragic day in 1allas. . . and the "lood of Bartin /uther ,ing on that motel "alcony in BemphisF. 0ut "ait. 2s that a black face 2 see in the crowd at 4anderers Stadium. Hes, a rapt "lac# face, wearing a!iator shades and a green army uniform. . . stoned on 0illy$s message, along with all the others9 (Hour soul is searching for *odI N.ause, "ody crouched, "oth fists sha#ing defiantly in the air. . .O They tore his fleshI They pulled his beard out.( *raham is in a wild Charlton Heston fighting stance now9 (And while they were doing that, 8@ million a!enging angels had to "e held "ac#. . . yes. . . "y the "loody arm of the /ord. . . from sweeping this planet into hell.( CazartI Se!enty two million of the fuc#ers, ehG That threat would ne!er ma#e the nut in /.A. 2t would ha!e to "e 8@ billion there. 0ut South Africa is the last of the white nazi "ush leagues, and when you mention 8@ million of an'thing ready to sweep across the planet, they kno" what you mean in South Africa. Niggers. The a!enging "lac# horde. . . and suddenly it occurs to me that *raham$s act is extremely su"tle' he is actually threatening this weeping crowd of white supremist "urghers. . . 2ndeed. . . +edemption Thru FearI 2t #noc#ed $em dead in Houston, so why not hereG <H:HB

178 The news, and Aohn 1ean again that fiendish little drone. E1id the president seem sur&rised when you ga!e him this informationGF (No sir, he did not.( The %un#ies are rolling up the tents at Camp 1a!id tonight. Bister Nixon has cashed his chec#. .ress reports from (the 4estern 4hite House( in San Clemente say the .resident has (no comment( on 1ean$s almost un"elie!a"ly destructi!e testimony. No comment. The "oss is under sedation. 4ho is with him out there on that lonely western edge of America tonight. 0e"e +e"ozoG +o"ert A"planalp, 4. Clement StoneG .ro"a"ly not. They must ha!e seen what Nixon saw today that the )r!in committee was going to gi!e 1ean a free ride. His !ictims will get their shots at him tomorrow or next wee# "ut it won$t ma#e much difference, "ecause the only ones left to &uestion him are the ones he pu"licly ridiculed yesterday as tools of the 4hite House. 0a#er$s credi"ility is so crippled in the wa#e of 1ean$s references in his opening statement to 0a#er$s alleged (willingness to cooperate( with the Nixon "rain trust in the days "efore these hearings that anything 0a#er hits 1ean with tomorrow will seem li#e the angry retaliation of a much insulted man. And what can poor *urney sayG 1ean contemptuously dismissed him in front of a nationwide TD audience of 8: million cynics as such a hopeless yo yo that he wouldn$t e!en ha!e to "e leaned on. *urney was the only one of the se!en senators on the )r!in committee that Nixon$s strategists figured was safely in their poc#et, "efore the hearings started. 4eic#er, the ma!eric# +epu"lican, was considered a lost cause from the start. (4e #new we were in trou"le when we loo#ed at that line up,( 1ean testified. There was something almost li#e a smile on his face when he uttered those words. . . the rueful smile of a good loser, perhapsG Cr may"e something else. The crazy, half controlled flic#er of a laugh on the face of a man who is %ust "eginning to thin# he might survive this incredi"le trip. 0y ;9;< on Tuesday, 1ean had the dazed, still hyper tense loo# of a man who #nows he went all the way out to the edge, with no grip at all for a while, and suddenly feels his "alance coming "ac#. 4ell. . . may"e so. 2f 1ean can sur!i!e tomorrow$s ine!ita"le counter attac# it$s all o!er. The Harris poll in today$s +oc#y Bountain News e!en before 1ean$s testimony showed Nixon$s personal credi"ility rating on the 4atergate (pro"lem( had slipped to a fantastic new low of 6< 8:X negati!e. 2f the )r!in committee lets e!en half of 1ean$s testimony stand, +ichard Nixon won$t "e a"le to gi!e away dollar "ills in Times S&uare on the Fourth of Auly. Monda'! Jul' <Bth! =:<H -M %atergate $earings 1ld Senate 1ffice Auilding S Bystery witness Alex 0utterfield. 2mpossi"le to see witness$ face from periodical seat directly "ehind him. S +ufus EpipeF )dmisten, )r!in$s man, the face "ehind 0a#er and )r!in. (.olitically am"itious wants to run for Attorney *eneral of North Carolina( always sits on camera. Autterfield regales room with tales of ela"orate taping machine in C!al Cffice Esee clipsF. Nixon$s official bugger ## (liaison to SS.( 0F9 sharp dar# "lue suit Hes sir it "as a great deal more difficult to &ick u& in the cabinet room. Talmadge: 4ho installed the de!icesG 0F9 SS Tech. Security 1i!. . . To record things for posterity. T9 4hy were these de!ices installedG

179 0F9 Constant taping of all con!ersations in C!al Cffice for transcriptions for Ni on librar'. Doice acti!ated mi#es all o!er Nixon$s office. . . 4ith time delay, so as not to cut out during pauses. Fred Thompson loo#s li#e a Tennessee moonshiner who got rich some"ody sent him to a ha"erdasher when he heard he was going to 4ashington. Four =x= chandeliers yellow cut glass hanging from ceiling, "ut o"scured "y "an#s of Colortran TD lites. Stan Tredic# and other photogs with card"oard shields taped o!er lenses to cut out TD lights from a"o!e. =:GE 5oting "arning signal.

Ah haI 0utterfield will produce 1ean Nixon tape from Septem"er 6<thG T9 No warning signalG 0F9 No sir, not to my #nowledge. T9 This taping was solely to ser!e historical purposesG 0F9 Hes sir, as far as 2 #now. GG9 ,ey 0iscayne and San ClementeG 0F9 No recording de!ices there at least not "y me. NH .ost headline9 N2TCN 0-*S S)/F Efull pageF. S The most o"!ious difference "etween "eing in the hearing room and watching TD is the scale sense of smallness li#e a foot"all stadium. The players seem human sized and the grass seems real Ein some casesF. +oom ?6> is only a"out 6:: x 6:: unli#e the !ast theater it loo#s on TD. S Constant stream of students "eing run in and out "ehind us. ,alm"ach sitting right in front of me waiting to testify. L?:: grey linen suit L8< wing tips lac&uered "lac# hair and tailored shirt thin "lue stripes on off white. /arge, rich. Sitting with sil!er haired lawyer. S )r!in reads letter from 0uzhardt. Sends "uzz through room says /0A did some taping. 2nteresting sitting directly "ehind witness chair you can loo# right at )r!in and catch his facial expressions as if he was loo#ing at me. Nodding fixed stare occasional &uic# notes with yellow pencil. S ,alm"achJ-lasewicz phone calls from phone "ooth to phone "ooth li#e Bafia operations. Chec# $onor Th' Father for similar. (,alm"ach (. . . 2t was a"out this time that 2 "egan to ha!e a degree of concern about this assignment." E:BH: Tedium sets in Sudden !ision of reaching out with Cstrich /asso and slipping it around ,alm"ach$s nec# then tightening it up and %er#ing him "ac#wards. Sudden uproar in gallery Cameras clic#ing fe!erishly as ,alm"ach struggles with piano wire noose around his nec# falling "ac#wards -na"le to control laughter at this image. . . forced to lea!e hearing room, out of control, people staring at me. . . S +on BacBahon, 0a#er$s press Sec., ex Tennessee newsman, (How can they not gi!e $em to usG NNixon office tapesO 1own in Tennessee we used to ha!e a courthouse fire now and then. . .( 0urnhardt A. /einan, @8, Aersey!ille, 2llinois =@:<@. Came to 1.C. "y train 6? cars pulled

180 "y steam locomoti!e, coal tender. 4ith 6:: people Chi 4ash. .ri!ate train Southern +.+. 2ndependence /imited E(4atergate Special(F. (Bost people in Aersey!ille only got interested when 1ean produced the enemies list.( 4hyG (0ecause they couldn$t understand why certain names were on it Newman, Streisand, Channing, Cos"y they couldn$t understand why such a list was #ept.( S Carol Arms 0ar li#e a ta!ern full of foot"all fans with the game across the street. Hoots of laughter in "ar at /a+ue$s dead pan account of /iddy$s offer to ("e on any street corner at any time and we could ha!e him assassinated.( All %atergate (rou&ies seem to "e anti Nixon "oth in the hearing room and "ars around Cld Senate 0uilding. /i#e fans cheering the home team (the se!en 0loc#s of Aelly.( Tuesda' Jul' =Eth Aenton*s studio! >:HH -M .0S in Aspen is off again e!en worse than .0S in 1.C. S )hrlichman ta#es the oath with Heil Hitler saluteJno laughter from spectators. 0oredom in hearing room, tedium at press ta"les. 8hrlichman*s face A++C*ANC). ,eep the fuc#er on TD ten hours a day ten straight days. )9 4e saw !ery little chance of getting F02 to mo!e. . . !ery serious pro"lem. N+ightI The nation$s crawling with communists, multiplying li#e rats.O )hrlichman must ha!e seen himself on Si t' Minutes so he kno"s ho" he looks on T5 #eeps glancing sideways at camera. )hrlichman$s (faulty memory(. . . 0roo#ings didn$t remem"er who authorized fire "om"ing didn*t remember "ho he called to cancel Arookings bomb &lot. ESame "ac#grounds Ci!ic Clu", Country Clu", ACC, -SCJ-C/A law school, law firms, ad agencies.F S Attitudes of Thomp 0a#er 3 *urney are critical they related to Nixon$s sur!i!al chances rats snea#ing off a sin#ing ship. S ) has insane gall to challenge )r!in on constitutional issues Nixon$s right to authorize )lls"erg "urglary. 1an +ather says Nixon wants a confrontation N1% and also wants Cox to resign Nixon, "y withholding tapes, ma#es con!iction of Haldeman, )rhlichman, 1ean, etc. impossi"le. . . thus holding this o!er their heads to #eep them from tal#ing. (Hang together or hang separately.( 0en Fran#lin
)12TC+$S NCT)9 The following con!ersation "etween )hrlichman and Her" ,alm"ach arri!ed as a third generation Terox in a pac#age with 1r. Thompson$s note"oo#s. The transcript was released "y )hrlichman himself he hadn$t told ,alm"ach he was taping their phone call for possi"le use in his defense. This was not one of those documents ferreted out "y the Select Committee in!estigators. According to Thompson, the following transcript is (the single most re!ealing chun# of testimony yet in terms of the morality of these people. 2t$s li#e suddenly "eing plunged into the middle of the 4hite House.(

/onversation "ith $erb 0almbach ## A&ril <Jth! <JCG! E:BH -M. )9 )hrlichman ,9 ,alm"ach

181 )9 Hi, how are youG ,9 2$m pretty good. 2$m scheduled for two tomorrow afternoon. )9 4here at the %ury or the -S AttorneyG ,9 At the %ury and 2$m scheduled at <9?: this afternoon with Sil!er. )9 Ch, are youG ,9 Heah. 2 %ust wanted to run through &uic#ly se!eral things, Aohn, in line with our con!ersation. 2 got in here last night and there was a call from C$0rien. 2 returned it, went o!er there today and he said the reason for the call is /a+ue has told him to as# him to call me to say that he had to identify me in connection with this and he wanted me to #now that and so on. )9 1id he tell you a"out 1eanG ,9 Nope. )9 4ell 1ean has totally cooperated with the -S Attorney in the hopes of getting immunity. Now what he says or how he says no"ody seems to "e a"le to di!ine "ut he. ,9 The whole enchiladaG )9 He$s throwing on on 0o" and me hea!ily. ,9 He isG )9 Hep. ,9 He is. )9 And ta#ing the position that he was a mere agent. Now on your episode he told me "efore he left, so to spea#, he, 1an, told me that really my transaction with him in!ol!ing you was !irtually my only area of lia"ility in this thing and 2 said, well, Aohn, what in the world are you tal#ing a"outG He said, well 2 came to you from Bitchell and 2 said Bitchell needs money could we call Her" ,alm"ach and as# him to raise some. And 2 said, and 1ean says to me, and you said yes. And 2 said yep, that$s right. And he said well that does it And 2 said well that$s hard for me to "elie!e. 2 don$t understand the law "ut 2 don$t thin# Her" entered into this with any guilty intent and 2 certainly didn$t and so 2 said 2 %ust find that hard to imagine. Now since then 2$!e retained counsel. ,9 Ch, you ha!eG )9. . . !ery good and who agrees with me that it is the remotest #ind of nonsense "ut the point that 2 thin# has to "e clarified, that 2$m going to clarify if 2 get a chance, is that the reason that 1ean had to come to me and to 0o" where you were concerned is that we had promised you that you would not "e run pillar to post "y Baurice Stans. ,9 And also that you #new 2 was your friend and you #new 2 was the .resident$s attorney. )9 Sure. ,9 Ne!er do anything improper, illegal, unethical or whate!er. )9 +ight. ,9 And. . . )9 0ut the point is that rather than Bitchell calling you direct Bitchell #new darn well that you were no longer a!aila"le. ,9 Hep. )9 Now this was post April =th, was it notG ,9 Hep, April 8th. )9 So that Bitchell and Stans "oth #new that there wasn$t any point in calling you direct "ecause we had gotten you out of that on the pretext that you were going to do things for us. ,9 That$s right. )9 And so it was necessary for 1ean to come to me and then in turn to 0o" and plead a !ery urgent case without really getting into any specifics except to say you had to trust me, this is !ery important, and Bitchell is up his tree, or, you #now, 2 mean is really wor#ed, he didn$t use that phrase, "ut he is really exercised a"out this. And' Aohn if you tell me it$s that important, why yes. ,9 Hou #now, when you and 2 tal#ed and it was after Aohn had gi!en me that word, and 2

182 came in to as# you, Aohn is this an assignment 2 ha!e to ta#e onG Hou said, yes it is period and mo!e forward. Then that was all that 2 needed to "e assured that 2 wasn$t putting my family in %eopardy. )9 Sure. ,9 And 2 would %ust understand that you and 2 are a"solutely together on that. )9 No &uestion a"out it, Her", that 2 would ne!er #nowingly ha!e put you in any #ind of a spot. ,9 Heah. 4ell, and when we tal#ed you #new what 2 was a"out to do, you #now, to go out and get the dough for this purpose' it was humanitarian. )9 2t was a defense fund. ,9. . . to support the family. Now the thing that was dis&uieting and this thing with C$0rien was that he said that there is a massi!e campaign e!idently under way to indict all the lawyers including you and me, and 2 was a little shoc#ed and 2 guess what 2 need to get from you, Aohn, is assurance that this is not true. )9 4ell, 2 don$t #now of any attempt to target you at all. By hunch is that they$re trying to get at me, they$re trying to corro"orate. See what they said to 1ean is that he gets no consideration from them unless they can corro"orate Haldeman and my lia"ility. ,9 *od, if 2 can %ust ma#e it plain that it was humanitarian and nothing else. )9 Heah, and the point that 2 undou"tedly ne!er expressed to you that 2 continually operated on the "asis of 1ean$s representation to me. ,9 Hep. 2t was not improper. )9 +ight. ,9 And there was nothing illegal a"out it )9 See, he$s the house lawyer. ,9 Hep, exactly and 2 %ust couldn$t "elie!e that you and 0o" and the .resident, %ust too good friends to e!er put me in the position 2 would "e putting my family on the line. ,9 And it$s %ust un"elie!a"le, unthin#a"le. Now shall 2 %ust 2$ll %ust if 2$m as#ed "y Sil!er 2$ll %ust lay it out %ust exactly that way. )9 Heah, 2 wouldn$t haul the .resident into it if you can help it. ,9 Ch, no, 2 will not. )9 0ut 2 thin# the point that which 2 will ma#e in the future if 2$m gi!en the chance that you were not under our control in any sort of a sla!ery sense "ut that we had agreed that you would not "e at the "ec# and call of the committee. ,9 And, of course, too, that 2 acted only on orders and, you #now, on direction and if this is something that you felt sufficiently important and that you were assured it was altogether proper, then 2 would ta#e it on "ecause 2 always do it and always ha!e. And you and 0o" and the .resident #now that. )9 Heah, well, as far as propriety is concerned 2 thin# we "oth were relying entirely on 1ean. ,9 Hep. )9 2 made no independent %udgment. ,9 Hep. Hep. )9 And 2$m sure 0o" didn$t either. ,9 Nope and 2$m %ust, 2 %ust ha!e the feeling, Aohn, that 2 don$t #now if this is a wea# reed, is itG )9 4ho, 1eanG ,9 No, 2 mean are they still going to say well Her" you should ha!e #nown. )9 2 don$t #now how you could ha!e. Hou didn$t ma#e any in&uiries. ,9 Ne!er. And the only in&uiries 2 made, Aohn, was to you after 2 tal#ed to Aohn 1ean. )9 And you found that 2 didn$t #now %ust a whole hellu!a lot. ,9 Hou said this is something 2 ha!e to do and. . .

183 )9 Heah, and the reason that 2 said that, as you #now, was not from any personal in&uiry "ut was on the "asis of what had "een represented to me. ,9 Heah, and then on to pro!ide the defense fund and to ta#e care of the families of these fellas who were then. . . )9 2ndigent. ,9 Not then "een found guilty or not guilty. )9 And the point "eing here without attempting to induce them to do a damn thing. ,9 A"solutely not and that was ne!er, that was exactly right. )9 C,. ,9 Now, can 2 get in to see you tomorrow "efore 2 go in there at twoG )9 2f you want to. They$ll as# you. ,9 4ill theyG )9 Hep. ,9 4ell, may"e 2 shouldn$t. )9 They$ll as# you to whom you$!e spo#en a"out your testimony and 2 would appreciate it if you would say you$!e tal#ed to me in California "ecause at that time 2 was in!estigating this thing for the .resident. ,9 And not nowG )9 4ell, 2 wouldn$t as# you to lie. ,9 No, 2 #now. )9 0ut the point is. . . ,9 0ut the testimony was in California. )9 The point is. 4ell, no, your recollection of facts and so forth. ,9 Hes, 2 agree. )9 See, 2 don$t thin# we were e!er seen together out there "ut at some point 2$m going to ha!e to say that 2 tal#ed to C$0rien and 1ean and Bagruder and Bitchell and you and a whole lot of people a"out this case. ,9 Heah. )9 And so it would "e consistent. ,9 1o you feel, Aohn, that calling it straight shot here, do you feel assured as you did when we were out there that there$s no culpa"ility hereG )9 Hes. ,9 And nothing to worry a"outG )9 And Her", from e!erything 2 hear they$re not after you. ,9 Hes, sir. )9 From e!erything 2 hear. ,9 0ar"ara, you #now. )9 They$re out to get me and they$re out to get 0o". ,9 By *od. All right, well, Aohn, it$ll "e a"solutely clear that there was nothing loo#ing towards any co!er up or anything. 2t was strictly for the humanitarian and 2 %ust want. . . when 2 tal#ed to you 2 %ust wanted you to ad!ise me that it was all right on that "asis. )9 Cn that "asis. ,9 To go forward. )9 That it was necessary. . . ,9 And that$ll "e precisely the way it is. )9 Heah, C,. Than#s, Her". 0ye. B:HH -M Monda'! Jul' GHth

184 $earing Room 1ld Senate 1ffice Auilding S Haldeman opening statement Terri"le heat from TD lights turned "ac# towards press and gallery. 0ar#ing Esounds of dog #ennelF in press room as Haldeman comes on. Not on Nat TD, "ut audi"le in hallway. (Nor did 2 e!er suggest. . . NThe Super )agle Scout wounded tone of !oice O 2 had full confidence in 1ean as did the .resident at that time. . .( Haldeman$s 67<6 "urr cut seems as out of place e!en weird in this room as a "earded Senator would ha!e seemed in 67<6. Cr a nigger in 0eta Theta .hi fraternity in the late 67;:s. Haldeman$s head on camera loo#s li#e he got "ashed on the head with a ra#e. Total tedium sets in as Haldeman statement drones on. . . his story is totally different than 1ean$s on crucial points. . . definite per%ury here. . . which one lyingG (3f the recent s&eech 6August <Bth7 does not &roduce the results the -resident "ants! he "ill then do "hat he has alread' come to doing. $e "ill use all the a"e#ins&iring resources of his office to *come out s"inging "ith both fists.* ,ivisive "ill be a mild "a' of describing the &redictable results." Aoe Alsop, %ashington -ost! >J68J8? "The clear "arning: Mr. Ni on "ill not do an' more to clear himself of the taints of %atergate because he cannot: 3f the ,emocrats do not allo" him to get back on the 4ob of -resident! but continue "hat one high &residential aide called the *vendetta* against him! his ne t move "ill be full retaliation." )!ans 3 No!a#, %ashington -ast! >J68J8? "*%hen 3 am attacked!* Richard Ni on once remarked to this "riter! *it is m' instinct to strike back.* The -resident is no" clearl' in a mood to obe' his instinct. . . So on %ednesda'! Jul' <>th! at a %hite $ouse meeting! it "as agreed unanimousl' that the ta&es should not be released. This decision! to use the s&orts cliches to "hich the -resident is addicted! meant an entirel' ne" ball game! re9uiring a ne" game &lan. The ne" game &lan calls for a strateg' of striking back! in accord "ith the &residential instincts! rather than a &olic' of attem&ted accommodation. . .( Stewart Alsop, Ne"s"eek! >J=J8? CazartI 2t is hard to miss the message in those three shots. . . e!en out here in 4oody Cree#, at a distance of @::: miles from the source, a %oint statement, as it were, from )!ans 3 No!a# and "oth Alsop "rothers hits the ner!es li#e a "last of summer lightning across the mountains. )specially when you read them all in the same afternoon, while sifting through the mail heap that piled up in my "ox, for three wee#s, while 2 was wasting all that time "ac# in 4ashington, once again, trying to get a grip on the thing. Crouse had warned me, "y phone, a"out the hazards of coming east. (2 #now you won$t "elie!e this,( he said, (so you might as well %ust get on a plane and find out for yourself "ut the weird truth is that 4ashington is the only place in the country where the 4atergate story seems dull. 2 can sit up here in 0oston and get totally loc#ed into it, on the tu"e, "ut when 2 go down there to that goddamn Hearing +oom 2 get so "ored and depressed 2 can$t thin#.( Now, after almost a month in that treacherous swamp of a town, 2 understand what Crouse was trying to tell me. After a day or so in the hearing room, hun#ered down at a press ta"le in the sweaty glare of those "linding TD lights, 2 disco!ered a TD set in the "ar of the Capitol Hill Hotel %ust across the street from the Cld Senate Cffice 0uilding, a"out a three minute sprint from the Hearing +oom itself. . . so 2 could watch the action on TD, sipping a Carls"erg until something

185 loo#ed a"out to happen, then dash across the street and up the stairs to the Hearing +oom to see whate!er it was that seemed interesting. After three or four days of this scam, howe!er, 2 realized that there was really no point in going to the Hearing +oom at all. )!ery time 2 came speeding down the hall and across the crowded floor of the high domed, white mar"le rotunda where a cordon of cops #ept hundreds of waiting spectators penned up "ehind !el!et ropes, 2 felt guilty. . . Here was some ill dressed gee# with a "ottle of Carls"erg in his hand, wa!ing a press pass and running right through a whole army of cops, then through the tall oa# doors and into a front row seat %ust "ehind the witness chair while this mo" of poor "astards who$d "een waiting since early morning, in some cases, for a seat to open up in the S+C gallery. After a few more days of this madness, 2 closed up the National Affairs 1es# and went "ac# home to "rood. PART III To the %attresses. . . "+8on #a,es H+stor0, an- to Hell 4+th The Wash+n*ton Post. . . The Haz0 E3er*en,e o5 a "e4 an- Cheaper Strate*0. . . 9ohn W+lson $ra4s .The L+ne.. . . Stran*e Tro+ka 7 a Balan,e o5 Terror. . . %,Go2ern Was R+*ht (%hen democrac' granted democratic methods to us in times of o&&osition! this "as bound to ha&&en in a democratic s'stem. $o"ever! "e National Socialists never asserted that "e re&resented a democratic &oint of vie"! but "e have declared o&enl' that "e used the democratic methods onl' in order to gain &o"er and that! after assuming the &o"er! "e "ould den' to our adversaries "ithout an' consideration the means "hich "ere granted to us in times of our o&&osition." Aosef *oe""els 4hat will Nixon do nowG That is the &uestion that has e!ery 4izard in 4ashington hanging "y his or her fingernails from the "ar of the National .ress Clu" to the redwood sauna in the Senate *ymnasium to the hundreds of high powered coc#tail parties in su"ur"s li#e 0ethesda, Bac/ean, Arlington, Ca"in Aohn and especially in the leafy white ghetto of the 1istrict$s Northwest &uadrant. Hou can wander into Nathan$s ta!ern at the corner of B Street 3 4isconsin in *eorgetown and get an argument a"out (Nixon$s strategy( without e!en mentioning the su"%ect. All you ha!e to do is stand at the "ar, order a 0ass Ale, and loo# interested9 The hassle will ta#e care of itself' the !ery air in 4ashington is electric with the !ast implications of (4atergate.( Thousands of "ig money %o"s depend on what Nixon does next' on what Archi"ald Cox has in mind' on whether (-ncle Sam$s( TD hearings will resume full "ore after /a"or 1ay, or "e either telescoped or terminated li#e Nixon says they should "e. The smart money says the (4atergate Hearings,( as such, are effecti!ely o!er not only "ecause Nixon is preparing to mount a popular crusade against them, "ut "ecause e!ery elected politician in 4ashington is afraid of what the )r!in committee has already scheduled for the (third phase( of the hearings. .hase Two, as originally planned, would focus on (dirty tric#s( a colorful, shoc#ing and essentially minor area of in&uiry, "ut one with plenty of action and a guaranteed audience appeal. A long and serious loo# at the (dirty tric#s( aspect of national campaigning would "e a death "low to the daily soap opera syndrome that apparently grips most of the nation$s housewi!es. The cast of characters, and the twisted tales they could tell, would shame e!ery soap opera scriptwriter in America. .hase ThreeJCampaign Financing is the one "oth the 4hite House and the Senate would prefer to a!oid and, gi!en this mutual distaste for exposing the pu"lic to the realities of Campaign

186 Financing, this is the phase of the 4atergate Hearings most li#ely to "e cut from the schedule. (Aesus Christ,( said one )r!in committee in!estigator, (we$ll ha!e Fortune$s <:: in that chair, and e!ery one of those "astards will ta#e at least one Congressman or Senator down with him.( At the end of .hase Cne the facts 3 realities of the 4atergate affair itself the se!en Senators on the )r!in committee too# an informal !ote among themsel!es, "efore ad%ourning to a "irthday party for Senator Herman Talmadge, and the tally was ; ? against resuming the hearings in their current format. Talmadge cast the deciding !ote, %oining the three +epu"licans *urney, 0a#er and 4eic#er in !oting to wrap the hearings up as soon as possi"le. Their reasons were the same ones Nixon ga!e in his long awaited TD speech on August 6<th, when he said the time had come to end this 1aily 0ummer and get "ac# to (The "usiness of the people.( 4atching Nixon$s speech in hazy color on the Cwl Farm tu"e with New Hor# Bayor Aohn /indsay, 4isconsin Congressman /es Aspin and former 0o""y ,ennedy speechwriter Adam 4olins#y, 2 half expected to hear that fine old Cal!in Coolidge &uote9 (The "usiness of America is "usiness.( And it only occurred to me later that Nixon wouldn$t ha!e dared to use that one, "ecause no president since Hu"ert Hoo!er has "een forced to explain away the #ind of root structural damage to the national economy that Nixon is trying to explain today. And Hoo!er at least had the excuse that he (inherited his pro"lems( from some"ody else which Nixon can$t claim, "ecause he is now in his fifth year as president, and when he goes on TD to explain himself he is facing an audience of <: to =: million who can$t afford stea#s or e!en ham"urger in the supermar#ets, who can$t "uy gasoline for their cars, who are paying 6< and @:X interest rates for "an# loans, and who are "eing told now that there may not "e enough fuel oil to heat their homes through the coming winter. This is not the ideal audience for a second term president, fresh from a landslide !ictory, to confront with @7 minutes of lame gi""erish a"out mean nit pic#ers in Congress, the good ole American way, and /et$s *et on with 0usiness. 2ndeed. That$s the first thing +ichard Nixon and 2 ha!e e!er agreed on, politically and what we are dealing with now is no longer hard ideology, "ut a matter of simple competence. 4hat we are loo#ing at on all our TD sets is a man who finally, after @; years of frenzied effort, "ecame the .resident of the -nited States with a personal salary of L@::,::: a year and an unlimited expense account including a fleet of pri!ate helicopters, %etliners, armored cars, personal mansions and estates on "oth coasts and control o!er a "udget "eyond the wildest dreams of ,ing Bidas. . . and all the dum" "astard can show us, after fi!e years of total freedom to do anything he wants with all this power, is a shattered national economy, disastrous defeat in a war he could ha!e ended four years ago on far "etter terms than he finally came around to, and a hand pic#ed personal staff put together through fi!e years of screening, whose collecti!e criminal record will "low the minds of high school American History students for the next 6:: years. Nixon$s hand pic#ed Dice .resident is a"out to "e indicted for )xtortion and 0ri"ery' his former campaign manager and his former Secretary of Commerce 3 personal fund raiser ha!e already "een indicted for .er%ury, two of his ran#ing campaign managers ha!e already pleaded guilty to C"struction of Austice, the 4hite House counsel is headed for prison on more felony counts than 2 ha!e room to list here, and "efore the trials are finished. . . Sen. Talmadge: "No"! if the -resident could authori?e a covert break#in and 'ou do not kno" e actl' "here that &o"er "ould be limited! 'ou do not think it could include murder! do 'ou." John 8hrlichman: "3 do not kno" "here the line is! Senator." 4ith the first phase of the 4atergate hearings more or less ended, one of the few things now unmista#a"ly clear, as it were, is that no"ody in Nixon$s 4hite House was willing to (draw the line( anywhere short of re electing the .resident in 678@. )!en Aohn Bitchell whose reputation as a

187 super shrewd lawyer ran afoul of the .eter .rinciple %ust as soon as he "ecame Nixon$s first Attorney *eneral lost his temper in an exchange with Sen. Talmadge at the 4atergate hearings and said, with the whole world watching, that he considered the re election of +ichard Nixon in $8@ (so important( that it out weighed all other considerations. 2t was a classic affirmation of the (attorney client relationship( or at least a warped mixture of that and the relationship "etween an ad agency executi!e and a client with a product to sell "ut when Bitchell uttered those lines in the hearing room, losing control of himself %ust long enough to fatally confuse (executi!e loyalty( with (executi!e pri!ilege,( it$s fair to assume that he #new he was already doomed. . . He had already "een indicted for per%ury in the Desco case, he was facing almost certain indictment "y Archi"ald Cox, and pre!ious testimony "y Aohn 1ean had made it perfectly clear that Nixon was prepared to throw Aohn Bitchell to the wol!es, to sa!e his own ass. This ominous truth was &uic#ly reinforced "y the testimony of Aohn )hrlichman and Harry (0o"( Haldeman, whose "ac# to "ac# testimony told most of the other witnesses Eand potential defendantsF all they needed to #now. 0y the time Haldeman had finished testifying under the direction of the same criminal lawyer who had earlier represented )hrlichman it was clear that some"ody in the 4hite House had finally seen fit to (draw the line.( 2t was not &uite the same line Bitchell and )hrlichman had refused to ac#nowledge on TD, "ut in the final analysis it will "e far more critical to the fate of +ichard Nixon$s presidency. . . and, gi!en Bitchell$s long personal relationship with Nixon, it is hard to "elie!e he didn$t understand his role in the (new strategy( well "efore he dro!e down from New Hor# to 4ashington, "y chauffeured limousine, for his gig in the witness chair. The signs were all there. For one, it had "een Haldeman and )hrlichman with Nixon$s tacit appro!al who had eased Bitchell out of his (Num"er Cne( role at the 4hite House. Aohn Bitchell, a millionaire 4all Street lawyer until he got into politics, was more responsi"le than any other single person for the long come"ac# that landed Nixon in the 4hite House in 67=>. 2t was Bitchell who rescued Nixon from o"li!ion in the mid Sixties when Nixon mo!ed east to "ecome a 4all Street lawyer himself after losing the presidency to Aohn ,ennedy in 67=: and then the *o!ernorship of California to .at 0rown in $=@, a humiliating defeat that ended with his (Hou won$t ha!e 1ic# Nixon to #ic# around anymore( out"urst at the traditional loser$s press conference. The re election of Br. Nixon, followed so &uic#ly "y the 4atergate re!elations, has compelled the country to re examine the reality of our electoral process. . . (The unra!eling of the whole 4hite House tangle of in!ol!ement has come a"out largely "y a series of fortuitous e!ents, many of them unli#ely in a different political context. 4ithout these e!ents, the co!er up might ha!e continued indefinitely, e!en if a 1emocratic administration !igorously pursued the truth. . . (2n the wa#e of 4atergate may come more honest and thorough campaign reform than in the aftermath of a successful presidential campaign which stood for such reform. 2 suspect that after !iewing the a"uses of the past, !oters in the future will insist on full and open de"ate "etween the candidates and on fre&uent, no holds "arred press conferences for all candidates, and especially the .resident. (And 2 suspect the Congress will respond to the fact that 4atergate happened with legislation to assure that 4atergate ne!er happens again. Today the prospects for further restrictions on pri!ate campaign financing, full disclosure of the personal finances of the candidates, and pu"lic finance of all federal campaigns seem to me "etter than e!er and e!en "etter than if a new 1emocratic administration had urged such steps in early 678?. 4e did urge them in 678@, "ut it too# the Nixon landslide and the 4atergate expose to ma#e the point. (2 "elie!e there were great gains that came from the pain of defeat in 678@. 4e pro!ed a campaign could "e honestly financed. 4e reaffirmed that a campaign could "e open in its conduct

188 and decent in its moti!ation. 4e made the 1emocratic party a place for people as well as politicians. And perhaps in losing we gained the greatest !ictory of all that Americans now percei!e, far "etter than a new .resident could ha!e persuaded them, what is precious a"out our principles and what we must do to preser!e them. The nation now sees itself through the prism of 4atergate and the Nixon landslide' at last, perhaps, we see through a glass clearly. (0ecause of all this, it is possi"le that "y 678=, the @::th anni!ersary of America$s "irth, there will "e a true re"irth of patriotism' that we will not only #now our ideals "ut li!e them' that democracy may once again "ecome a con!iction we #eep and not %ust a description we apply to oursel!es. And if the Bc*o!ern campaign ad!anced that hope, e!en in defeat, then, as 2 said on election night last No!em"er, $)!ery minute and e!ery hour and e!ery "one crushing effort. . . was worth the entire sacrifice.( *eorge Bc*o!em in the %ashington -ost! August 6@th, 678? Aesus. . . Sunday morning in 4oody Cree# and here$s Bc*o!ern on the mini tu"e "eside my typewriter, loo#ing and tal#ing almost exactly li#e he was in those speedy wee#s "etween the 4isconsin and Chio primaries, when his star was rising so fast that he could "arely hang onto it. The sense of de4a vu is almost frightening9 Here is Bc*o!ern spea#ing sharply against the s'stem! once again, in response to &uestions from C0S$s Connie Chung and Barty Nolan from the 0oston *lo"e, two of the most e!er present reporters on the $8@ campaign trail. . . and Bc*o!ern, "rought "ac# from the dead "y a political miracle of sorts, is hitting the first gong of doom for the man who made him a landslide loser nine months ago9 (4hen that N%udicialO process is complete and the Supreme Court rules that the .resident must turn o!er the tapes and he refuses to do so 2 thin# the Congress will ha!e no recourse "ut to seriously consider 2mpeachment.( CazartI The fat is approaching the fire !ery slowly, and in !ery cautious hands, "ut there is no ignoring the general drift of things. Sometime "etween now and the end of 678?, +ichard Nixon may ha!e to "ite that "ullet he$s tal#ed a"out for so long. Se!en is a luc#y num"er for gam"lers, "ut not for fixers, and Nixon$s se!enth crisis is "eginning to put his first six in !ery deep shade. )!en the most conser!ati!e "etting in 4ashington, these days, has Nixon either resigning or "eing impeached "y the autumn of $8; if not for reasons directly connected to the (4atergate scandal,( then "ecause of his ina"ility to explain how he paid for his "each mansion at San Clemente, or why Dice .resident Agnew along with most of Nixon$s original 4hite House command staff is under indictment for felonies ranging from )xtortion and .er%ury to 0urglary and C"struction of Austice. Another good "et in 4ashington running at odds "etween two and three to one, these days, is that Nixon will crac# "oth physically and mentally under all this pressure, and de!elop a serious psychosomatic illness of some #ind9 Bay"e another "ad case of pneumonia. This is not so wild a !ision as it might sound not e!en in the context of my own #nown taste for fantasy and sa!age "ias in politics. +ichard Nixon, a career politician who has rarely failed to crac# under genuine pressure, is under more pressure now than most of us will e!er understand. His whole life is turning to shit, %ust as he reached the pinnacle. . . and e!ery once in a while, ca!ing in to a wea#ness that "looms in the cool, thin#ing hours around dawn, 2 ha!e to admit that 2 feel a touch of irrational sympathy for the "astard. Not as The .resident9 a "ro#en little "ully who would sacrifice us all to sa!e himself if he still had the choice "ut the same #ind of sympathy 2 might feel, momentarily, for a !icious cheap shot line"ac#er whose long career comes to a sudden end one Sunday afternoon when some roo#ie flan#er shatters "oth his #nees with a sa!age crac#"ac# "loc#. Cheap shot artists don$t last !ery long in pro foot"all. To cripple another person intentionally is to !iolate the same #ind of code as the legendary (honor among thie!es.( Bore line"ac#ers than thie!es "elie!e this, "ut when it comes to politics to a @> year career of cheap shots, lies and thie!ery there is no man in America who should understand what is happening to him now "etter than +ichard Bilhous Nixon. He is a li!ing monument to the old Army

189 rule that says9 (The only real crime is getting caught.( This is not the first time +ichard Nixon has "een caught. After his failed campaign for the *o!ernorship of California in 67=@ he was formally con!icted along with H.+. Haldeman, Baurice Stans, Burray Chotiner, Her" ,lein and Her" ,alm"ach for almost exactly the same #ind of crudely illegal campaign tactics that he stands accused of today. 0ut this time, in the language of the sergeants who #eep military tradition ali!e, (he got caught e!ery which way(. . . and (his ass went into the "lades.( Not many people ha!e e!er written in the )nglish language "etter than a .olac# with a twisted sense of humor who called himself Aoseph Conrad. And if he were with us today 2 thin# he$d "e getting a fine "oot out of this 4atergate story. Br. ,urtz, in Conrad$s $eart of ,arkness! did his thing. Br. Nixon also did his thing. And now, %ust as surely as ,urtz9 (Bistah Nixon, he dead.( Rolling Stone ;6;;, Septem"er @8,678?

#ear an- Loath+n* +n Wash+n*ton< The Bo0s +n the Ba*

3t "as a Nice -lace. The' %ere -rinci&led -eo&le! (enerall'. Muote from +o"ert C. Cdle, office administrator for C+)).. "Mr. Mc(overn described the &resident &ersonall' as a *blob out there* of no constant &rinci&le e ce&t o&&ortunism and &olitical mani&ulation! a man *u& to his ears in &olitical sabotage* "ho "as *afraid of the &eo&le* and regularl' favored the *&o"erful and greed'* over the &ublic interest. The &resident*s defense &rograms "ere *madness*: he had *degraded the Su&reme /ourt* and! on three occasions at least! Mr. Mc(overn dre" &arallels bet"een the &resident and his government and Adolf $itler and his Third Reich. As for the Ni on administration! it "as the *most morall' bankru&t! the most morall' corru&t! the trickiest! most deceitful. . . in our entire national histor'.* " 4hite House speechwriter .atric# A. 0uchanan, in The Ne" )ork Times! No!em"er @;th, 678@ "*%hen 3 am attacked* Richard Ni on once remarked to this "riter! *it is m' instinct to strike back.* The &resident is no" clearl' in a mood to obe' his instincts. . . So on %ednesda'! Jul' <>th! at a %hite $ouse meeting! it "as agreed unanimousl' that the ta&es should not be released. This decision! to use the s&orts cliches to "hich the &resident is addicted! meant an entirel' ne" ball game! re9uiring a ne" game &lan. The ne" game &lan calls for a strateg' of striking back! in accord "ith the &residential instinct! rather than a &olic' of attem&ted accommodation. . .( columnist Stewart Alsop, Ne"s"eek! August =th, 678? "The traged' of all this is that (eorge Mc(overn! for all his mistakes and all his im&recise talk about *ne" &olicies* and *honest' in government* is one of the fe" men "ho*ve run for &resident of the Knited States in this centur' "ho reall' understands "hat a fantastic monument to all the best instincts of the human race this countr' might have been! if "e could have ke&t it out of the hands of greed' little hustlers like Richard Ni on. Mc(overn made some stu&id mistakes! but in conte t the' seem almost frivolous com&ared to the things Richard Ni on does ever' da' of his life! on &ur&ose! as a matter of &olic' and a &erfect e &ression of ever'thing he stands for. Jesus+ %here "ill it end. $o" lo" do 'ou have to stoo& in this countr' to be &resident."

190 Rolling Stone correspondent Hunter S. Thompson, writing on the Nixon Bc*o!ern campaign, Septem"er 678@ "The Third Reich! "hich "as born on Januar' GHth! <JGG! $itler boasted "ould endure a thousand 'ears! and in Na?i &arlance it "as often referred to as *The Thousand )ear Reich.* 3t lasted <= 'ears and four months. . ." author 4illiam Shirer, from The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich For reasons that will ne!er "e clear to anyone and especially not to the management and other guests in this place the National Affairs 1es# is operating once again at the +oyal 0iscayne Hotel, a"out 7:: croo#ed meters from the NixonJ+e"ozo compound on the other side of the island. The des# itself is a round sla" of what appears to "e low grade %acaranda wood. The centerpiece is a "right orange electric typewriter that 2 rented se!eral days ago from a "usiness machine store on 6@<th Street in North Biami. 2t is a Swedish (Facit( a decepti!ely sharp loo#ing machine a"out fi!e times slower in "oth directions than the 20B Selectric and totally useless for any #ind of speed lashed gonzo wor#. For all its style and !oltage, the Facit is a"out as &uic# in the hands as one of those 67@7 model -nderwoods that used to "e standard e&uipment in the city room of the Ne" )ork Mirror. No"ody #nows exactly what happened to all those old -nderwoods when the Mirror died of "ad age, "ut one rumor in the trade says they were snapped up at a dime on the dollar "y Norman Cousins and then resold at a tidy profit to the /olumbia Journalism Revie". 4hich is interesting, "ut it is not the #ind of thing you normally want to de!elop fully in your classic .yramid /ead. . . and that$s what 2 was trying to deal with, when 2 suddenly realized that my typewriter was as worthless as tits on a "oar hog. 0esides that, there were other mechanical pro"lems9 no water, no ice, no phone ser!ice, and finally the disco!ery of two Secret Ser!ice men in the room right next to me. 2 was getting a little paranoid a"out the phone situation. 2t followed a series of unsettling e!ents that caused me to thin# seriously a"out going "ac# to 4ashington when Nixon left the next day, rather than staying on in order to open a special account in 0e"e +e"ozo$s "an# o!er in the shopping center across Ccean 1ri!e. The ,ey 0iscayne 0an# seems li#e as good a place as any to do "usiness, primarily "ecause of the unusual in!estment opportunities a!aila"le to special clients. 2 ha!e applied for (special( status, "ut recent de!elopments ha!e made me less than optimistic. Se!eral days ago, on my first !isit to the Nixon compound, 2 got no further than the hea!ily guarded gatehouse on Har"or 1ri!e. (Are they expecting youG( the state trooper as#ed me. (.ro"a"ly not,( 2 said. (2 thought 2$d %ust drop "y for a drin# or two, then ha!e a loo# around. 2$!e ne!er seen the place, you #now. 4hat goes on in thereG( The trooper seemed to stiffen. His eyes narrowed and he stared intently at the "lac# coral fist hanging on a chain around my nec#. (Say. . . ah. . . 2$d li#e to see your identification, fella. Hou carrying anyG( (Cf course,( 2 said. (0ut it$s out there in the car. 2 don$t ha!e any poc#ets in these trun#s.( 2 wal#ed across the hot asphalt road, feeling my "are feet stic# to the tar with e!ery step, and !aulted into the "ig "ronze con!erti"le without opening the door. /oo#ing "ac# at the gatehouse, 2 noticed that the trooper had "een %oined "y two gentlemen in dar# "usiness suits with wires coming out of their ears. They were all waiting for me to come "ac# with my wallet. To hell with this, 2 thought, suddenly starting the engine. 2 wa!ed to the trooper. (2t$s not here,( 2 shouted. (2 guess 2 left it "ac# at the hotel.( 4ithout waiting for an answer, 2 eased the car into gear and dro!e off !ery slowly. Almost immediately, the "ig railroad crossing style gate across Nixon$s road swung up in the air and a "lue Ford sedan rolled out. 2 slowed down e!en more, thin#ing he was going to pull me

191 o!er to the side, "ut instead he stayed a"out 6:: feet "ehind me all the way to the hotel, into the par#ing lot, and around the "ac# almost into the slot "ehind my room. 2 got out, thin#ing he was going to pull up right "ehind me for a chat "ut he stopped a"out <: feet away, "ac#ed up, and dro!e away. /ater that afternoon, sitting in the temporary 4hite House press room outside the Four Am"assadors Hotel in downtown Biami a"out 6: miles away, 2 told Ne" )ork Times correspondent Anthony +ipley a"out the incident. (2 really expected the "astard to follow me right into my room.( +ipley laughed. (That$s pro"a"ly where he is right now with a"out three of his friends, going through all your luggage.( 4hich may ha!e "een true. Any"ody who spends much time around the Secret Ser!ice and acts a little "ent has to assume things li#e that. . . especially when you disco!er, "y sheer accident, that the room right next to yours is occupied "y two S.S. agents. That was the second unsettling incident. The details are !aguely interesting, "ut 2$d prefer not to go into them at this point except to say that 2 thought 2 was "ecoming dangerously paranoid until 2 got hold of a car"on copy of their room registration receipt. 4hich made me feel a little "etter a"out my own mental health, at least. 2t is far "etter to kno" the Secret Ser!ice is #eeping an eye on you than to suspect it all the time without e!er "eing sure. 2t was the third incident, howe!er, that caused me to start thin#ing a"out mo!ing the 1es# "ac# to 4ashington at once. 2 was awa#ened in the early hours of the morning "y a telephone call and a strange !oice saying, (The president is going to church. Hou$ll ha!e to hurry if you want to catch him.( 4hatG By mind was "lan#. 4hat presidentG 4hy should 2 want to catch himG )specially in a churchG (4ho the hell is thisG( 2 said finally. (Tony,( said the !oice. 2 was reaching around in the dar#ness for a light switch. For a moment 2 thought 2 was still in Bexico. Then 2 found a light switch and recognized the familiar surroundings of the National Affairs Suite. AesusI 2 thought. Cf courseI ,ey 0iscayne. .resident Nixon. 2t all made sense now9 The "astards were setting me up for a "ust on some #ind of "ogus assassination attempt. The agents next door ha!e pro"a"ly already planted a high powered rifle in the trun# of my car, and now they$re trying to lure me o!er to some church where they can gra" me in front of all the press cameras as soon as 2 dri!e up and par#. Then they$ll (find( the rifle in the trun# a"out two minutes "efore Nixon arri!es to worship and that$ll "e it for me. 2 could already see the headlines9 N2TCN ASSASS2NAT2CN ./CT FC2/)1' SHA+.SHCCT)+ S)2P)1 AT ,)H 02SCAHN) CH-+CH. Along with front page photos of state troopers examining the rifle, me in handcuffs, Nixon smiling "ra!ely at the cameras. . . The whole scene flashed through my head in milliseconds' the !oice on the phone was yelling something at me. .anic fused my "rain. NoI 2 thought. Ne!er in hell. (Hou crazy son of a "itchI( 2 yelled into the phone. (2$m not going near that goddamn churchI( Then 2 hung up and went instantly "ac# to sleep. /ater that afternoon, +ipley stopped "y the hotel and we had a few "eers out "y the "each "ar. (Aesus ChristI( he said. (Hou were really out of your mind this morning, weren$t youG( (4hatG( He laughed. (Heah. Hou screamed at me. Hell, 2 %ust thought you might li#e to catch the scene o!er at Nixon$s church.( (For Christ$s sa#e don$t call me with any more tips for a while.( (1on$t worry,( he replied. (4e$re lea!ing today, anyway. 4ill you "e on the planeG( (No,( 2 said. (2$m going to sleep for two days, then ta#e a "oat "ac# to 4ashington. This has not "een a good trip for me. 2 thin# 2$ll gi!e up co!ering Nixon for a while at least until 2 can whip

192 this drin#ing pro"lem.( (Bay"e what you should do is get into a different line of wor#, or ha!e yourself committed.( (No.( 2 said. (2 thin# 2$ll get a %o" teaching %ournalism.( 2n the context of %ournalism, here, we are dealing with a new #ind of (lead( the Sym"iotic Trapezoid Muote. The /olumbia Journalism Revie" will ne!er sanction it' at least not until the current editor dies of "rain syphilis, and pro"a"ly not e!en then. 4hatG 1o we ha!e a li"el suit on our handsG .ro"a"ly not, 2 thin#, "ecause no"ody in his right mind would ta#e a thing li#e that seriously and especially not that gang of senile hags who run the /olumbia Journalism Revie"! who ha!e gone to considera"le lengths in e!ery issue during the past year or so to stress, !ery hea!ily, that nothing 2 say should "e ta#en seriously. (Those who can, do. Those who can$t, teach.( *eorge 0ernard Shaw said that, for good or ill, and 2 only mention it here "ecause 2$m getting goddamn tired of "eing screeched at "y waterheads. .rofessors are a sour lot, in general, "ut professors of %ournalism are especially rancid in their outloo# "ecause they ha!e to wa#e up e!ery morning and "e reminded once again of a world they$ll ne!er #now. TH-B.I Against the door. Another goddamn newspaper, another cruel accusation. TH-B.I 1ay after day, it ne!er ends. . . Hiss at the alarm cloc#, suc# up the headlines along with a "ea#er of warm 1rano, then off to the morning class. . . To teach Aournalism9 Circulation, 1istri"ution, Headline Counting and the classical .yramid /ead. Aesus, let$s not forget that last one. Bastery of the .yramid /ead has sustained more lame yoyos than either Congress or the .eacetime Army. Fi!e generations of American %ournalists ha!e clung to that petrified tit, and when the deal went down in 678@ their ran#s were so solid that 86X of the newspapers in this country endorsed +ichard Nixon for a second term in the 4hite House. Now, 6> months later, the %ournalistic esta"lishment that spea#s for Nixon$s erstwhile (silent ma%ority( has turned on him with a wild eyed, coast to coast !enom rarely witnessed in the American newspaper trade. The only recent example that comes to mind is Nixon$s own "lundering pronouncement of Charles Banson$s guilt while Banson was still on trial in /os Angeles. 2n addition to introducing the Sym"iotic Trapezoid Muote as the wa!e of the future in %ournalism, 2 ha!e some other ideas to get into9 mainly a"out +ichard Nixon, and some of these are ugly. . . or ugly "y my standards, at any rate, "ecause most of them re!ol!e around the !ery distinct possi"ility that Nixon might sur!i!e his Se!enth Crisis and in sur!i!ing lea!e us a legacy of failure, shame and corruption "eyond anything concei!a"le right now. This is a grim thing to say, or e!en thin#, in the current atmosphere of self congratulations and renewed professional pride that understanda"ly per!ades the press 3 politics circuit these days. Not only in 4ashington "ut all o!er the country where!er you find people who are seriously concerned with the health and life expectancy of the American .olitical System. The "aseline is always the same9 (4e almost "lew it,( they say, ("ut somehow we pulled "ac# from the "rin#.( Names li#e Sirica, 4oodward, 0ernstein, Cox, +ichardson, +uc#elshaus are mentioned almost re!erently in these con!ersations, "ut any"ody who$s "een personally in!ol!ed in (the 4atergate affair( and all its nasty side"ars for any length of time #nows that these were only the point men in!alua"le for their "alls and their instincts and their understanding of what they were doing in that ne!er ending "lizzard of Crucial Boments when a single cop out might ha!e "rought the whole scene down on top of them all. 0ut there were literally hundreds, may"e thousands, of others who came up to those same #inds of moments and said, (4ell, 2 wasn$t really planning on this, "ut if that$s the way it is, let$s get it on.( There are a lot of people in this country editors, congressmen and lawyers among others

193 who li#e themsel!es a lot "etter today for the way they reacted when the 4atergate octopus got hold of them. There are also a lot of people who got dragged down fore!er "y it which is pro"a"ly %ust as well, for the rest of us, "ecause many of them were exposed as either dangerous "unglers, ruthless swine or "oth. Cthers many of them peripherally in!ol!ed in one aspect or another of (4atergate( "ut luc#y enough not to get caught will pro"a"ly "e haunted "y a sense of ner!ous guilt for a while, "ut in a year or two they will forget all a"out it. These, in a way, are almost as dangerous as the ones who are going to %ail "ecause they are the (good germans( among us, the ones who made it all possi"le. 2$!e "een trying to finish The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich for at least the last three months' hauling the huge "ugger along in my "aggage to places li#e 0uffalo, Ca#land, Ann Ar"or, Houston, and finally all the way down to the %ungles and lost fishing !illages of Bexico$s Hucatan peninsula. . . 0ut things ha!e "een happening too fast, and there was ne!er enough time or pri!acy to get seriously into the thing not e!en down in the Hucatan, lying around in "ig hammoc#s in <: peso a night hotels where we had to #eep the Hong ,ong "uilt ceiling fans cran#ed up to top speed for enough wind in the room to dri!e the roaches "ac# into the corners. At one point, 2 tried to read it in a hotel room near the ruins of the Bayan ci!ilization at Chichen 2tza thin#ing to get a certain weird perspecti!e on American politics in the Se!enties "y pondering the collapse of (The Thousand Hear +eich( while sitting on the stone remnants of another and totally different culture that sur!i!ed for more than a thousand years "efore any"ody in )urope e!en #new that a place called (America( existed. The Aztec socio political structure was a fine tuned elitest democracy that would ha!e em"arrassed e!ery"ody connected with either the French or American re!olutions. The ancient *ree#s and +omans seem li#e crude pun#s compared to what the Bayans, Aztecs and 2ncas put together in Bexico and South America in the @: or so centuries "etween <:: 0C and the ill fated (Spanish Con&uest( in 6<@<. The Bayan calendar, de!ised se!eral centuries "efore the "irth of Christ, is still more precise than the one we use today9 They had the solar year "ro#en down to exactly ?=<.@; days, and 6@ lunar months of @7.< days each. None of this sloppy (leap year( "usiness, or odd num"ered months. According to most military experts, Adolf Hitler went o!er the hump somewhere around the middle of 67;@. At that point e!en according to Al"ert Speer, his personal architect and all round technical wizard the +eich was spread too thin9 militarily, financially, industrially, politically and e!ery other way. Speer had all the "lueprints, the plans, the figures, and an almost daily fix on what was happening to "oiling Hitler$s head. *i!en all that, Speer says, he #new in his heart they were headed downhill after the summer of $;@. 0ut it was almost three years and at least three million deaths later that Hitler finally admitted what Speer, one of his closest (friends( and ad!isers, says he #new all along or at least during those last three years when Al"ert and all the others in the FYhrer$s inner circle were wor#ing @:, @@ and sometimes @; hours a day, se!en days a wee#, to #eep the +eich propped up on an e!er eroding "ase of con&uered sla!e la"or and frenzied schemes to create a (super weapon( that would somehow turn the tide. None of this rotten madness wor#ed out, of course, and as a reward for his stupid loyalty to Hitler, Al"ert Speer spent @: years of his life loc#ed up in Spandau .rison as one of *ermany$s ma%or war criminals. Hitler was consistent to the end. He had no stomach for %ail cells or courtrooms unless they were his so as soon as he got word that +usso American tan#s were rum"ling into the su"ur"s of 0erlin, he went down in his pri!ate "un#er and #illed "oth himself and his faithful mistress, )!a 0raun, with what some people say was a !ery elegant, gold plated 4alther machine

194 pistol. No"ody #nows for sure, "ecause the "un#er was ra!aged "y fire soon afterward. . . and the only alleged witness to Hitler$s death was his personal aide and ad!iser, Bartin 0ormann, who either escaped at the last moment or was "urned to such an unrecogniza"le cinder that his "ody was ne!er found. )!ery"ody who #new 0ormann hated and feared him e!en Hitler, who apparently treated him li#e a pet co"ra and few of the +eich$s sur!i!ors e!er accepted the fact of his death in that fiery "un#er. He was too e!il and crafty for that, they insisted, and the general assumption was that 0ormann had #ept his personal escape plan finely organized, on a day to day "asis, since the winter of $;?. 4est *erman military intelligence now lists him as officially dead, "ut not many people "elie!e it "ecause he #eeps turning up, now and then, in places li#e Asuncion, .araguay, the 0razilian Batto *rosso, or high in the Argentine la#e country. 0ormann was the Tex Colson of his time, and his strange relationship with Hitler seems not much different from the paranoid fragments of the Nixon Colson relationship that emerged from the now infamous (4hite House Transcripts( of April 678;. 4e are drifting into some ugly parallels here, and if 2$d written this #ind of thing two years ago 2$d ha!e expected to pic# up The Ne" )ork Times a wee# later and see myself mangled all o!er the Cp )d page "y .at 0uchanan, and then "eaten into a "loody coma the next e!ening "y some of Colson$s hired thugs in an alley "ehind the National .ress 0uilding a long stone$s throw, as it were, from the 4hite House. 0ut li#e Tommy +ush says, (Times ain$t now, "ut li#e they used to "e. . .( 4hich is true. There is not much dou"t a"out that. 0ut after watching the TD news on all three networ#s last night and then reading all the Nixon stories in today$s %ashington -ost, 2 ha!e an eerie feeling that the times ain$t now &uite li#e they appear to "e, either. There was something oddly hollow and out of focus a"out last night$s main TD news story on the -.S. Supreme Court$s dramatic and potentially ominous decision to postpone its traditional Aune recess and stay on through Auly to render what will clearly "e an historic %udgment, one way or another, on Special .rosecutor /eon Aawors#i$s either "old or desperate leapfrog attempt to force an immediate High Court decision on .resident Nixon$s right to ignore a su"poena for =; tape recordings and other 4hite House documents from a special prosecutor appointed under extremely sensiti!e circumstances "y the -.S. Senate with his independence explicitly guaranteed "y the new -.S. attorney general as a condition of his ta#ing office. All three networ#s treated this latest de!elopment in The Strange and Terri"le Saga of +ichard Nixon as a staggering and perhaps e!en fatal "low to his chances of sur!i!al in the 4hite House. The mere fact that the Court was willing to stay o!er and hear Aawors#i$s argument, they implied, was a sure sign that at least four of the %ustices Eenough, in this caseF were prepared to rule, %ust as soon as the &uestion is formally presented, against Nixon$s claim of (executi!e pri!ilege( with regard to Aawors#i$s su"poena. The special prosecutor had apparently won a ma%or !ictory, and the president was in !ery deep trou"le. Cnly 1a!id Schumacher on A0C hinted, !ery "riefly, that there had "een no !ictory cele"rations among Aawors#i$s staff people that afternoon. 0ut he didn$t say why. . . And, fran#ly, 2$ll "e fuc#ed if 2 can either. 2 "rooded on it for a while, "ut all that came to mind was some half remem"ered snarl from the lips of .resident Andrew Aac#son when the Supreme Court ruled against him on some #ind of &uestion in!ol!ing a federal land grant to the Seminole 2ndians. Aac#son, a !eteran 2ndian fighter, too# the ruling as a personal insult. (4ell,( he said, (the %udges ha!e made their decision now let them enforce it.( Aosef Stalin, a"out 6:: years later, had similar !iews with regard to the +oman Catholic

195 Church. He had gone into one of his rages, according to the story as 2 heard it, and this one had something to do with a notion that seized him, after fi!e days and nights in a "rutal !od#a orgy, that e!ery Catholic in Boscow should "e nailed up on a telephone pole "y dawn on )aster Sunday. This announcement caused genuine fear in the ,remlin, "ecause Stalin li#e Colson was #nown "y his staff to "e (capa"le of almost anything.( 4hen he calmed down a "it, one of his ad!isers suggested that a mass crucifixion of +ussian Catholics for no reason at all would almost certainly raise hac#les in the Datican and no dou"t anger the pope. (Fuc# the pope,( Stalin mum"led. (How many di!isions does he ha!eG( These stories are hard to nail down with any real certainty, "ut there is a mean #ind of consistency in the punch lines that ma#es them hard to forget. . . especially when you start pondering the spectacle of a "orderline psychotic with the "rain of a small time chiseler and the power to literally "low up the world ne!er more than =: seconds away from his gnawed red fingertips, doing e!erything he can to force a hellish confrontation with the highest %udicial and legislati!e authorities in his own country. This is what Nixon has "een trying to do for at least the past three months and, if Stewart Alsop was right, since Auly 6>th of last year. That was the 4ednesday meeting at the 4hite House, he said, when (it was agreed unanimously that the tapes should not "e released.( 2 would li#e to ha!e tal#ed with Stewart Alsop a"out that meeting, "ut he died last month of leu#emia after writing !ery candidly and e!en casually, at times, a"out his impending death from a disease that he had #nown for at least two years was slowly and steadily #illing him. 2 didn$t #now him personally and as a %ournalist 2 rarely agreed with him, "ut there was an uncommon sense of integrity and personal commitment in e!erything he wrote. . . and an incredi"le sense of style, strength and courage in the way he chose to die. Stewart Alsop, for all his experience in politics and all his friends in e!ery eyrie in 4ashington, seemed "affled all the way to his gra!e "y the reality of (4atergate( and its foul implications for some of the ideas and people he "elie!ed in. As one of 4ashington$s ran#ing %ournalists, he was pri!y to things li#e that meeting last Auly in the 4hite House, where Nixon and a handful of others sat down and ga!e serious thought to all their possi"le options with regard to those reels of harmless loo#ing celluloid that had suddenly turned into time "om"s. Alsop could understand all the facts of a scene li#e that, "ut not the +eality. /i#e most of the people he grew up with, Stewart Alsop was born a +epu"lican. 2t was as much a way of life as a thought out political philosophy, and along with all the pri!ileges came a certain sense of no"lesse o"lige. Alsop understood these things which explains pro"a"ly "etter than anything else why it was almost genetically impossi"le for him to come to grips with the idea that the C!al Cffice of the 4hite House under a second term +epu"lican president who had also "een a +epu"lican !ice president, senator and congressman was in fact a den of thie!es, fixers and felons. This #ind of sa!age reality was too much for =: year old elitist +epu"licans li#e Stewart Alsop to cope with. 2t was li#e showing up at the 4hite House for your monthly chat with The .resident on some normal afternoon and finding the C!al Cffice full of drun#en Hell$s Angels. . . and The .resident so stoned on reds that he can$t e!en recognize you, "a""ling distractedly and sho!eling "ig mounds of white powder around on his des# with the "utt of a sawed off shotgun. There are not many senior political columnists in 4ashington who could handle a scene li#e that. Their minds would refuse to accept it. . . for the same reason they still can$t accept the star# and fearful truth that .resident +ichard Bilhous Nixon is not only going to "e impeached, "ut he actually "ants to "e impeached. 2mmediately. This is pro"a"ly the one simple fact, right now, in a story that is going to "ecome so heinously complicated in the next few months that e!ery reporter assigned to it will need "oth a shrewd criminal lawyer and scholar in the field of constitutional law right next to him or her at all

196 times. There is no &uestion at all e!en now, in these last moments of calm "efore the shitrain starts that this (Nixon impeachment( saga is going to turn some of the "est minds in American %ournalism to mush "efore it$s o!er. . . And that statement will %ust ha!e to sit there' 2 refuse to e!en try to explain it. There will "e plenty of time for that' thousands of hours in *od only #nows how many courtrooms. And Nixon will e!entually "e impeached, if only "ecause he has the le!erage to put the House of +epresentati!es in a position where it will ha!e no other choice. Nixon$s lawyers who ha!e already cost the taxpayers nearly L;::,::: in legal fees ha!e now a"andoned all pretense in their efforts to insult and pro!o#e Congressman .eter +odino$s House Audiciary Committee into exactly the #ind of &uic#, angry and ill considered !ote for impeachment that +odino and committee counsels Aohn 1oar and Al"ert Aenner ha!e "een "ending o!er "ac#ward to a!oid. . . until they can put together enough e!idence "efore the hearings are opened to the pu"lic and the full House con!enes on TD to hear the charges to "uild a far more solid and serious case for impeachment than the one they appear to ha!e now. Nixon would li#e nothing "etter than to stampede the House of +epresentati!es into a tele!ised Hea or Nay showdown, "ased on charges no more serious than Contempt of Congress, Contempt of CourtEsF and, "y implication, the grossest #ind of contempt for e!ery"ody in the country with an 2.M. higher than <:. 0ut not e!en +on Piegler is counting on a farce of that magnitude. Cn Bay @8th, the -.2 wire carried an official statement "y Piegler, from ,ey 0iscayne, to the effect that formal impeachment proceedings against The 0oss would (come as no surprise( to him. Nor would impeachment itself, he implied. So why don$t they %ust get on with itG 4hy indeedG Cne of the main reasons has to do with all those tapes that Nixon apparently decided &uite a while ago that he would ne!er turn o!er to any"ody, anywhere, for any reason at all. Thus far, he has shrugged off su"poenas for more than 6:: of his taped con!ersations =; from Aawors#i and a"out <: from the +odino committee. Bany of these are o!erlapping, and no"ody in 4ashington seems to #now which set of su"poenas would ha!e legal preference or e!en who will ha!e to decide that &uestion, if it e!er comes up in real life. 2f Nixon hangs tough on his (stonewalling( strategy with regard to the tapes, not e!en a definiti!e ruling "y the -.S. Supreme Court can force him to gi!e them up. Noncompliance would put him in contempt of the highest court in the land and constitute further grounds for impeachment "ut why should that worry himG The Court has no more di!isions than the pope did in Stalin$s time and no more real power o!er Nixon than it did o!er Andrew Aac#son. 2t is hard to imagine Chief Austice 0urger signing a (no #noc#( search warrant and sending a s&uad of -.S. marshals o!er to the 4hite House with instructions to #ic# down the door and tear the place apart until they (find those goddamn tapes.( Special .rosecutor Aawors#i is aware of all this, "ut it doesn$t seem to "other him. He wants a ruling from the High Court, anyway, and "efore the end of Auly he will ha!e one. 2t may not ma#e any tangi"le difference, in the end, "ut at the !ery least it will "e one more nail in Nixon$s plastic coffin. . . and another piece of sharp, hard nosed legal wor# "y Aawors#i, who must "e feeling a"out nine feet tall today after replacing Archi"ald Cox in a cloud of almost uni!ersal scorn and suspicion that he was nothing "ut a hired fixer "rought in "y Nixon and Connally to (put the cap on the "ottle.( Aawors#i was a definite sleeper, or at least that$s the way it loo#s from outside his amazingly lea#less operation. 2f he$s a Nixon Connally fixer, he$s "een pretty cle!er a"out it so far and he$s fooled a lot of people, including some of the most cynical heads in 4ashington.

197 0ut not all. There are still some people around town who remind you that Houston, Aawors#i$s home, is a "reeding ground for some of the most !icious golf hustlers in the country the #ind who will lose the first 6< holes to you for L6:: each, then whac# you for L<::: a hole on the last three. 4hich may "e true. 0ut if it is, /eon is cutting his margin pretty thin' he will ha!e to play his last three holes all at once on Auly >th, when he argues his tape su"poena case in front of what 4ashington lawyers call a ("o"tailed( -.S. Supreme Court. Austice 4illiam +ehn&uist, the fourth and most !irulently conser!ati!e of the four Nixon appointees, has "een either pressured or ca%oled "y the others to remo!e himself from the case "ecause of his pre!ious association with the Nixon administration. +ehn&uist was an assistant attorney general in Aohn Bitchell$s Austice 1epartment "efore Nixon pic#ed him up "y his %ac#"oots and hoisted him onto the Court. This lea!es an interesting line up to decide the ElegalF fate of the tapes' The three right "ent Nixon appointees 0urger, 0lac#mun and .owell to "alance the three man (li"eral "loc(9 1ouglas, Barshall and 0rennan. The two critical swing !otes will "e 0yron 4hite, a closet fascist appointed "y Aohn ,ennedy and )isenhower nominee .otter Stewart, a sort of li"ertarian conser!ati!e who recently shoc#ed many of his friends and philosophical "rethren "y pu"licly denouncing Nixon$s "latant (politicalization( of the Court. Stewart, far more than 4hite, seems genuinely and e!en personally offended at finding himself grouped with what he plainly considers four half "right political hac#s who don$t #now the law from a leach field. 2f Aawors#i can mount a sound enough legal argument to con!ince Stewart that Nixon has no "asic or inaliena"le right to withhold the tapes, he will pro"a"ly win the case e!en if 4hite goes along once again with Nixon$s gunsels. 0ecause there will only "e three of them, this time with +ehn&uist "rooding dar#ly on the sidelines and in the case of a ; ; tie, Aawors#i wins. He has already won a !erdict on essentially the same &uestion in the -.S. Court of Appeals, and when a lower court !erdict is carried up as high as it can go and results in a tie !ote, the lower court !erdict stands. 4hate!er the !erdict, it will almost certainly come "efore the House of +epresentati!es !otes on impeachment. . . and if Nixon loses and then decides to defy the Supreme Court, that will gi!e many of the pu"licly (undecided( congressmen a hard nudge in the direction of !oting against him. The final !ote will pro"a"ly come sometime in late August, and if 2 had to "et on the outcome now 2$d guess the margin will "e almost @ 6 against the president, although a simple ma%ority would do it. Nixon would pro"a"ly agree with me on that, and also on the idea that "etting on the outcome of the House impeachment !ote right now is more a matter of the point spread than simple winning or losing. The real test will come in the Senate, where Nixon can afford a @ 6 point spread against him and still win the !erdict. Cut of 6:: !otes in the Senate, Nixon will need only ?; to "eat the whole rap. . . which is not a really formida"le nut to ha!e to ma#e, gi!en the nature of politicians and the e!er increasing li#elihood that the final !ote in the Senate the sa!age climax to (the whole enchilada( will happen no earlier than mid Ccto"er, a"out two wee#s "efore )lection 1ay on the first Tuesday in No!em"er. )xactly one third of the Senate %ust one !ote less than Nixon needs for ac&uittal will "e running for reelection this No!em"er, and e!ery one of them Eeither ?? or ?;, "ecause three into 6:: won$t goF is reportedly terrified at the prospect of ha!ing to campaign for reelection "ac# home, while at the same time ha!ing to participate in a nationally tele!ised trial on one of the hea!iest &uestions in American history, and then "eing forced to cast a monumentally pu"lic !ote either for or against .resident Nixon on the !ery e!e of their own election days. 2f it comes down to that, in terms of timing, the .u"lic Cpinion .olls will no dou"t "e a

198 much more potent factor than they ha!e "een up to now for the same reason that Congress waited until The .olls clim"ed o!er <:X in fa!or of impeachment "efore getting the process underway. . . and there is not much Nixon can do now to affect The .olls enough to change the House !ote on impeachment. 0ut his a"ility to affect the outcome of the SenateJCon!iction !ote is a hard thing to argue with. For one thing, he plans to spend most of the summer flashing around )urope, 2srael, )gypt, +ussia and anywhere else where they$ll tal# to him, in what will pro"a"ly "e a fairly effecti!e effort to gra" enough headlines to #eep (the impeachment story( at least "elow the fold on most front pages. Beanwhile, the haggard remnants of his presidential staff will "e wor#ing a"out 6> hours a day to suppress and deflate any new e!idence that might affect either his standing in The .olls or the outcome of his SenateJCon!iction trial. /ess than half of those ?; !otes he needs for ac&uittal are up for reelection in $8;, and any incum"ent president e!en one who$s already "een impeached has a massi!e amount of le!erage when it comes to using the political por# "arrel. There is not much dou"t, on the num"ers &uestion, that at least @: the 6:: senators will not !ote to con!ict Nixon under an' circumstances. . . unless he !iolates that old law of 2ndiana politics a"out "eing (found in "ed with either a li!e man or a dead woman.( Nixon is not one of your more !ulnera"le politicians in this area. 2t is difficult, in fact, to imagine him "eing in "ed at all and especially not with anything human. So we can scratch @: !otes, for starters which means he needs only 6; more, and we want to remem"er here that he$ll "e dealing almost entirely with Hahoo +epu"licans and +ednec# Southern 1emocrats. *i!en the ?;J== cut, he can afford to ignore e!ery man in the Senate who has e!er "een e!en remotely suspected of anti Nixon sympathies. . . so he can write off at least <: !otes with one stro#e, which means he will not "e far off if he assumes a mathematical "ase of <: !otes definitely against him, @: definitely for him, and ?: undecided. Cf those ?:, he needs only 6; and any man who has spent his entire adult life dealing on the ethical fringes of 4ashington politics should feel fairly comforta"le with those num"ers. Any president who can$t piece off 6; senators would ne!er ha!e made it to the 4hite House in the first place. And Nixon has two extremely hea!y hole cards9 E6F He has personal control o!er most of the potentially fatal e!idence that might "e used against him if he e!er conies to trial Ethe C!al Cffice tapes, which he retains the option to destroy now or later, if he hasn$t already done that. . .F and E@F he has "ecome such a personal em"arrassment and political millstone around the nec# of the +epu"lican party that he could easily "uy at least ten of those !otes "y agreeing, in secret, to resign the presidency in a gesture of splendid martyrdom within ;> hours after the Senate !otes not to con!ict him on the House impeachment charges. This solution would get a lot of people off the hoo# especially Nixon, who has nothing to gain from hanging on for another two years in the 4hite House. His effecti!eness as president was a wasted hope from the !ery "eginning "ut it has ta#en fi!e years, two elections and one mind "ending scandal to ma#e the cheap little "astard understand it. )!en Nixon should understand, now, that the only hope for his sal!ation in the history "oo#s is to somehow "ecome a martyr and the most o"!ious way to do that, at this point in the saga, is to ma#e some #ind of a deal with the hea!ies in his own party to get him off their "ac#s as &uic#ly as possi"le "y trading the guarantee of a dignified resignation for a !ote of ac&uittal in the Senate. This is a pretty good "et, 2 thin#, and unless the +odino committee comes up with some unnaturally strong e!idence "efore the House !otes on impeachment, 2 don$t ha!e much faith in a Senate !ote for con!iction. A wor#ing figure, for now, would "e a"out =: ;: against Nixon. . . "ut =: ;: is not enough' it has to "e =8 ?? again, and that will "e a hard nut to ma#e. 2n addition to the le!erage it gi!es Nixon with the gurus of his own party, the (+esignation in

199 exchange for Ac&uittal( strategy has a certain appeal for the 1emocrats "ut only if it can "e arranged and finished off "efore Aanuary @:th of 678<. 2f *erald Ford assumes the presidency "efore that date, he will only "e legally eligi"le to run for one more term. 0ut if Ford "ecomes president anytime after Aanuary of $8<, he$ll "e eligi"le for t"o terms, and most 1emocrats in the Senate would prefer to short circuit that possi"ility. So Nixon is not without options, when it comes down to nut cutting time. There is !ery little chance that he will finish his second term, "ut the odds for a scenario of impeachment in the House, ac&uittal in the Senate and then a maudlin spectacle of martyred resignation "efore Aanuary @:th of next year are pretty good. Cne of the !ery few drastic de!elopments that could alter that timeta"le would "e an unexpected crunch of some #ind that would force Nixon to yield up his tapes. 0ut nothing in the recent "eha!ior of either the president or his lawyers shows any indication of that. As long as he clings to the tapes, Nixon has a !ery strong "argaining position !is a !is "oth the people who insist on hearing them and those few whose physical freedom depends on nobod' hearing them. At least a half dozen !oices on those tapes "elong to people who are scheduled to go on trial, !ery soon, on serious felony charges. . . and they are the same ones, presuma"ly, who attended that secret meeting in the 4hite House, last Auly, when it was decided that the tapes should ne!er "e released. 2t is safe to assume that there were pro"a"ly some !ery strong and pragmatic reasons for that decision particularly in the cases of (0o"( Haldeman and Aohn )hrlichman, whose fate in the courts is considered to "e almost entirely dependent on Nixon$s resol!e to hang on to those tapes at all costs. . . Cr, failing that, to destroy them if that e!er seems necessary. Nixon understands this. Cn the "asis of his own crudely edited transcripts, there is enough e!idence on those tapes to ha!e Nixon impeached, con!icted and %ailed for his own protection "efore the first foot"all Sunday in Septem"er. For some reason that pro"a"ly not e!en Nixon understands now, he ga!e se!en of these tapes to Audge Sirica last winter. Two or three of them at least were found to "e unaltered originals, and Sirica e!entually turned these o!er to the House Audiciary Committee as e!idence in the impeachment in&uiry. So there are a hundred or more people wandering around 4ashington today who ha!e heard (the real stuff,( as they put it and despite their professional caution when the o"!ious &uestion arises, there is one reaction they all feel free to agree on9 that no"ody who felt shoc#ed, depressed or angry after reading the edited 4hite House Transcripts should e!er "e allowed to hear the actual tapes, except under hea!y sedation or loc#ed in the truc# of a car. Cnly a terminal cynic, they say, can listen for any length of time to the real stuff without feeling a compulsion to do something li#e dri!e down to the 4hite House and throw a "ag of li!e rats o!er the fence. Hes. . . loo#ing "ac# at that line 2 %ust wrote, it occurs to me that almost half the people 2 #now ha!e "een feeling that #ind of compulsion almost steadily for the last eight or nine years. By friend Hail 0loor, for instance, claims to ha!e thrown a whole gar"age can full of li!e rats, roaches and assorted small !ermin o!er the 4hite House fence a"out a wee# "efore /yndon Aohnson announced his retirement in 67=>. (2t was a wonderful feeling,( he says, ("ut only "ecause it was Aohnson. 2 #new, for some reason, that he would really hate the sight of "ig rats on the 4hite House lawn.( He paused and reached for his snuff"ox, ta#ing a huge hit of 1r. Aohnson$s "est in each nostril. (2$m not sure why,( he went on, ("ut 2 wouldn$t get any satisfaction out of doing a thing li#e that to Nixon. He might actually like rats.( Bother of "a""ling *od, 2 %ust too# a "rea# from this gi""erish long enough to watch the e!ening news. . . and there was the face and !oice of Tex Colson, %olting a 4ashington courtroom with a totally unforeseen confession of guilt on one count of o"struction of %ustice in return on the

200 "asis of an ela"orately co!ered TD statement on the su"%ect of his own guilt and deep in!ol!ement in almost e!ery aspect of 4atergate for the opportunity to ta#e whate!er punishment he deser!es and purge himself once and for all "y (telling e!erything 2 #now( a"out (many things 2 ha!e not "een a"le to tal# freely a"out until now.( Colson of all peopleI First he con!erts to Aesus, and now he$s copping a plea and holding a press conference on national TD to announce that he intends to confess e!erything. 4hich means, apparently, that he is now a!aila"le to testify for the prosecution in e!ery 4atergate related trial from now until all his old friends and conspirators are either put "ehind "ars with a *ideon 0i"le in their hands or standing in line at a soup #itchen in 0utte, Bontana. 4hat will Nixon ma#e of this frea# outG Tex Colson, one of the most unprincipled thugs in the history of American politics, was supposed to "e a main lin# in that un"rea#a"le and fatally interdependent 2nner Circle along with Haldeman, )hrlichman and Nixon who wouldn$t thin# twice a"out stonewalling *od himself. Not e!en +ichard Nixon, at the pea# of his power and popularity, felt comforta"le with the #nowledge that a monster li#e Colson had an office in the 4hite House. Nixon felt so strongly a"out Colson$s sa!agery, in fact, that he went out of his way to defame him "y deli"erately pu"lishing some of his own harsh %udgments on Colson$s total lac# of an' sense of ethics or morality in the official 4hite House Transcripts. And Nixon speechwriter .at 0uchanan, widely regarded as one of the most aggressi!e, hardline right wingers since Aosef *oe""els, once descri"ed Colson as (the meanest man in American politics(. . . which is no small compliment, coming from 0uchanan, who has spent the "etter part of his last decade wor#ing with some of the meanest and most congenitally fascistic "astards e!er to wor# for an' go!ernment. 2 will ha!e to call 0uchanan tomorrow and as# him what he thin#s a"out Tex Colson now. As a matter of fact, 2 will ha!e to call a lot of people tomorrow a"out this thing "ecause if Colson really is serious a"out telling e!erything he #nows, +ichard Nixon is in !ery deep trou"le. He may as well go out on .ennsyl!ania A!enue tomorrow and start peddling those tapes to the highest "idder, "ecause Colson #nows enough ugly stories a"out the Nixon regime to ma#e most of the tal# on those tapes seem li#e harmless coc#tail gossip. At a glance, there are two ways to !iew Colson$s "rea#down9 Cne is to ta#e his con!ersion to Aesus seriously, which is difficult. . . and the other is to ta#e it as a warning that e!en the president should ha!e "etter sense than to cross (the meanest man in American politics.( There is another way to interpret it, "ut that will ha!e to wait for later along with a lot of other things. This is not the #ind of story to try to cope with while roaming "ac# and forth across the country in %et airliners. . . although there is nothing in any of the current %ournalism out of 4ashington, on the tu"e or in print, to indicate that it is any easier to cope with there than in ,ey 0iscayne, Calgary, or e!en Bexico City. The entire 4ashington .ress Corps seems at least temporarily paralyzed "y the sheer magnitude and complexity of the thing. . . 2t will "e a nasty story to co!er, especially in the swamp li#e humidity of a 4ashington summer. . . "ut it is definitely worth watching, and perhaps e!en "eing a part of, "ecause whate!er #ind of %udgment and harsh reality finally emerges will "e an historical landmar# in the calendar of ci!ilizations and a "eacon, for good or ill, to all the generations that will inherit this earth or whate!er we lea!e of it %ust as surely as we inherited it from the *ree#s and the +omans, the Bayans and the 2ncas, and e!en from the (Thousand Hear +eich.( The impeachment of +ichard Nixon will end in a trial that will generate an intermina"le "lizzard of headlines, millions of dollars$ worth of media co!erage, and a !erdict that will not matter nearly as much to the defendant as it will to the %urors. 0y the time the trial starts assuming that Nixon can sustain his lifelong appetite for humiliation that has ne!er "een properly gratified the fate of Nixon himself will ha!e shrun# to the dimensions of a frea#ish little side effect. The short li!ed disaster of his presidency is already neutralized, and the outcome of his impeachment ordeal

201 will ha!e !ery little effect on his role in tomorrow$s history texts. He will "e grouped, along with presidents li#e *rant and Harding, as a corrupt and incompetent moc#ery of the American 1ream he praised so long and loud in all his speeches. . . not %ust as a (croo#,( "ut so croo#ed that he re&uired the help of a personal !alet to screw his pants on e!ery morning. 0y the time +ichard Bilhous Nixon goes on trial in the Senate, the only reason for trying him will "e to understand how he e!er "ecame president of the -nited States at all. . . and the real defendant, at that point, will "e the American .olitical System. The trial of +ichard Nixon, if it happens, will amount to a de facto trial of the American 1ream. The importance of Nixon now is not merely to get rid of him' that$s a strictly political consideration. . . The real &uestion is why we are "eing forced to impeach a president elected "y the largest margin in the history of presidential elections. So, with the need for sleep coming up !ery fast now, we want to loo# at two main considerations9 6F The necessity of actually "ringing Nixon to trial, in order to understand our reality in the same way the Nurem"erg trials forced *ermany to confront itself. . . and @F The a"solutely !ital necessity of filling the !acuum that the Nixon impeachment will lea!e, and the hole that will "e there in 678=. Rolling Stone! K6=;, Auly ;, 678;

#ear an- Loath+n* +n L+31o< The S,u3 Also R+ses

. . . before 3 could come to an' conclusion it occurred to me that m' s&eech or m' silence! indeed an' action of mine! "ould be a mere futilit'. %hat did it matter "hat an'one kne" or ignored. %hat did it matter "ho "as manager. 1ne gets sometimes such a flash of insight. The essentials of this affair la' dee& under the surface! be'ond m' reach! and be'ond m' &o"er of meddling. Aoseph Conrad, $eart of ,arkness 4ell. . . this is going to "e difficult. That sold out #nuc#le head refugee from a 67=7 (Bister Clean( TD commercial has %ust done what only the most cynical and paranoid #ind of malcontent e!er connected with national politics would ha!e dared to predict. . . 2f 2 followed my "etter instincts right now, 2 would put this typewriter in the Dol!o and dri!e to the home of the nearest politician an' politician and hurl the goddamn machine through his front window. . . flush the "ugger out with an act of lunatic !iolence then soa# him down with mace and run him na#ed down Bain Street in Aspen with a "ell around his nec# and "lac# lumps all o!er his "ody from the %olts of a high powered (0ull 0uster( cattle prod. 0ut old age has either mellowed me or "ro#en my spirit to the point where 2 will pro"a"ly not do that at least not today, "ecause that "lundering dupe in the 4hite House has %ust plunged me into a deep and !icious hole. A"out fi!e hours after 2$d sent the final draft of a massi!e article on The 1emise of +ichard Nixon off on the mo%o wire and into the cold maw of the typesetter in San Francisco, *erald Ford called a press conference in 4ashington to announce that he had %ust granted a (full, free and a"solute( presidential pardon, co!ering any and all crimes +ichard Nixon may or may not ha!e committed during the entire fi!e and a half years of his presidency. Ford sprung his decision with no ad!ance warning at 6:9;: on a peaceful Sunday morning in 4ashington, after emerging from a church ser!ice with such a powerful desire to dispense mercy that he rushed "ac# to the 4hite House a short hump across /afayette .ar# and summoned a

202 weary Sunday morning s#eleton crew of correspondents and cameramen to inform them, spea#ing in curiously zom"ieli#e tones, that he could no longer tolerate the idea of ex .resident Nixon suffering in grief crazed solitude out there on the "each in San Clemente, and that his conscience now compelled him to end "oth the suffering of Nixon and the national angst it was causing "y means of a presidential edict of such #ing sized "readth and scope as to scourge the poison of (4atergate( from our national consciousness fore!er. Cr at least that$s how it sounded to me, when 2 was %olted out of a sweat soa#ed coma on Sunday morning "y a frantic telephone call from 1ic# Tuc#. (Ford &ardoned the "astardI( he screamed. (2 warned you, didn$t 2G 2 "uried him twice, and he came "ac# from the dead "oth times. . . Now he$s done it again' he$s running around loose on some pri!ate golf course in .alm 1esert.( 2 fell "ac# on the "ed, moaning hea!ily. No, 2 thought. 2 didn$t hear that. Ford had gone out of his way, during his first 4hite House press conference, to impress "oth the 4ashington press corps and the national TD audience with his carefuly considered refusal to interfere in any way with Special .rosecutor /eon Aawors#i$s legal duty to proceed on the "asis of e!idence and (prosecute any and all indi!iduals.( *i!en the context of the &uestion, Ford$s reply was widely interpreted as a signal to Aawors#i that the former president should not "e gi!en any special treatment. . . And it also meshed with Ford$s answer to a &uestion in the course of his confirmation hearings in the Senate a few months earlier, when he$d said, (2 don$t thin# the pu"lic would stand for it,( when as#ed if an appointed !ice president would ha!e the power to pardon the president who$d appointed him, if the president were remo!ed from office under criminal circumstances. 2 recalled these things Ford had said, "ut 2 was not so sure 2$d heard 1ic# Tuc# correctly or if 2$d really heard him at all. 2 held my right hand up in front of my eyes, trying to remem"er if 2$d eaten anything the night "efore that could cause hallucinations. 2f so, my hand would appear to "e transparent, and 2 would "e a"le to see all the "ones and "lood !essels !ery clearly. 0ut my hand was not transparent. 2 moaned again, "ringing Sandy in from the #itchen to find out what was wrong. (1id Tuc# %ust callG( 2 as#ed. She nodded9 (He was almost hysterical. Ford %ust ga!e Nixon a full pardon.( 2 sat up &uic#ly, groping around on the "ed for something to smash. (NoI( 2 shouted. (That$s impossi"leI( She shoo# her head. (2 heard it on the radio, too.( 2 stared at my hands again, feeling anger "ehind my eyes and noise coming up in my throat9 (That stupid, lying "astardI AesusI 4ho !otes for these treacherous scum"agsI Hou can$t e!en trust the dum" onesI /oo# at FordI He$s too goddamn stupid to arrange a deal li#e thatI Hell, he$s almost too stupid to lie.( Sandy shrugged. (He ga!e Nixon all the tapes, too.( (Holy shitI( 2 leaped out of "ed and went &uic#ly to the phone. (4hat$s *odwin$s num"er in 4ashingtonG That "one head +otarian sonofa"itch made a dealG Bay"e 1ic# #nows something.( 0ut it was @; hours later when 2 finally got hold of *oodwin, and "y that time 2 had made a huge chart full of dates, names and personal connections all lin#ed and cross lin#ed "y a maze of arrows and lines. The three names on the list with far more connections than any others were /aird, ,issinger and +oc#efeller. 2 had spent all night wor#ing fe!erishly on the chart, and now 2 was as#ing *oodwin to ha!e a researcher chec# it all out. (4ell,( he replied. (A lot of people in 4ashington are thin#ing along those same lines today. No dou"t there was some #ind of arrangement, "ut ( He paused. (Aren$t we pretty damn close to the deadlineG Aesus Christ, you$ll ne!er "e a"le to chec# all that stuff "efore ( (Bother of "a""ling godI( 2 muttered. The word (deadline( caused my "rain to seize up momentarily. 1eadlineG Hes. Tomorrow morning, a"out 6< more hours. . . 4ith a"out 7:X of my story already set in type, one of the threads that ran all the way through it was my "elief that nothing short of a nuclear war could pre!ent +ichard Nixon$s con!iction. The only thing wrong with that

203 argument was its tripod construction, and one of the three main pillars was my assumption that *erald Ford had not "een lying when he$d said more than once, for the record, that he had no intention of considering a presidential pardon for +ichard Nixon (until the legal process has run its course.( CazartI 2 hung up the phone and tossed my chart across the room. That rotten, sadistic little thief had done it again. Aust one month earlier he had sand"agged me "y resigning so close to the deadline that 2 almost had a ner!ous "rea#down while failing completely. . . And now he was doing it again, with this goddamn presidential pardon, lea!ing me with less than @; hours to re!ise completely a 6<,::: word story that was already set in type. 2t was a"solutely impossi"le, no hope at all except to lash as many last minute pages as possi"le into the mo%o and hope for the "est. Bay"e some"ody in San Francisco would ha!e time, when the deadline crunch came, to #nit the two !ersions together. . . 0ut there was no way at all to "e sure, so this will "e an interesting article to read when it comes off the press. . . 2ndeed. . . cast your "read on the waters. . . why notG 2 was "rooding on this and cursing Nixon, more out of ha"it than logic, for his eerie a"ility to ma#e life difficult for me. . . when it suddenly occurred to me that the !illain this time was not Nixon, "ut *erald Ford. He was the one who decided to pardon Nixon Efor reasons we can hopefully deal with laterF on August ?:th, when he instructed his 4hite House counsel, .hilip 0uchen, to wor# out the legal details and consult with Nixon$s new defense lawyer, Aohn Biller, one time campaign aide to +o"ert ,ennedy. 2ncredi"ly, Biller informed 0uchen that he would ha!e to ma#e sure a presidential pardon was (accepta"le( to Nixon' and @; hours later he came "ac# with word that the ex president, whose condition had "een pu"licly descri"ed "y anonymous (friends( that wee# as almost terminally (distur"ed and depressed( at the prospect of his imminent indictment "y Aawors#i$s grand %ury had "een a"le to get a grip on himself long enough to decide that he would not "e offended "y the offer of a full presidential pardon %ust as long as the offer also granted Nixon sole ownership and control of all the 4hite House tapes. Ford &uic#ly agreed, a concession that could mean L< million or more to Nixon9 He can mil# them for the "ul# of his presidential memoirs, for which his new agent claims already to ha!e "een offered a L@ million ad!ance, and after that he has the legal right either to destroy the tapes or sell them to the highest "idder. Arrangements for the presidential pardon were not completed until Friday, Septem"er =th and only then after .resident Ford sent his personal emissary, 0enton /. 0ec#er, out to San Clemente to ma#e sure things went smoothly. 0ec#er, a !aguely sinister 4ashington attorney who is currently under in!estigation "y the 2+S for alleged tax e!asion, descri"es himself as an (unpaid legal ad!iser( to .resident Ford and also a personal friend. They first met in 67=7, 0ec#er says, when he !olunteered to help then Congressman Ford in his ill ad!ised campaign to persuade the House of +epresentati!es to impeach -.S. Supreme Court Austice 4illiam C. 1ouglas. That effort failed misera"ly, and Ford now seems em"arrassed at the memory of it, "ut he still defends 0ec#er as (a man of the highest professional ethics.( There is some disagreement on this. According to The %ashington -ost! (Austice 1epartment sources said they were astounded when they learned that 0ec#er had "een used "y the 4hite House to negotiate with the former president. $By *od, doesn$t Ford #now a"out this caseG$ said one source. The guy$s under in!estigation.$ ( 4hich is not necessarily a "ad sign, in this day and age. Bost of my friends ha!e "een (under in!estigation( at one time or another in the past ten years or so, and my own F02 file dates "ac# at least to 67<>, when 2 refused to accept a security clearance from the Air Force, on the grounds that 2 didn$t honestly consider myself a good security ris# "ecause 2 disagreed strongly with

204 the slogan9 (By Country, +ight or 4rong.( By clearance was not granted, "ut 2 was ne!er hassled a"out it and instead of "eing sent to a top secret radar installation near the Arctic Circle, 2 was passed o!er for promotion and placed in a %o" as sports editor of a "ase newspaper on the *ulf Coast of Florida. Ah. . . "ut we seem to "e wandering here. . . 2 was tal#ing a"out 0enton 0ec#er and his delicate tas# of negotiating the details of a full presidential pardon for +ichard Nixon, whose tragic mental condition was e!en then "eing slandered almost daily, at this stage of the pardon, "y unnamed friends and ad!isers. At this point in the pardon negotiations, "oth Ford and Nixon had learned that Aawors#i$s grand %ury planned to indict the ex president on as many as ten counts an ugly prospect that led Ford to suggest that Nixon might temper the grand %ury$s aggressi!e attitude "y (!olunteering( to admit at least some small measure of guilt for his role in the 4atergate co!er up, in exchange for the pardon that would gi!e him total immunity from prosecution anyway, regardless of what he admitted. This suggestion almost torpedoed the negotiations. Nixon (angrily re%ected( it, says one of Ford$s 4hite House ad!isers, and 0ec#er was hard pressed to #eep the deal on its rails. 0y Friday e!ening, howe!er, Nixon$s mood had impro!ed to the point where he agreed to accept "oth the pardon and the tapes. 0ec#er was elated' he flew "ac# to 4ashington and reported to Ford that his mission had "een 6::X successful. The new president recei!ed the news gratefully, and scheduled a short notice press conference on Sunday to lay the fine news on his pu"lic. Heah. . . 2 #now9 There is something %ust a little "it weird a"out that story, "ut 2 don$t ha!e any time to chec# on it right now. All the details, howe!er, ha!e appeared in one form or another in either The %ashington -ost or The %ashington Star#Ne"s. 2 cite those sources only "ecause the story ma#es no sense at all, on its face. . . 0ut then none of the other stories in the New Hor# or 4ashington papers on the Bonday after the announcement of the FordJNixon treaty made much sense, either. . . primarily "ecause Sunday is a !ery hard day to find any"ody in 4ashington who doesn$t want to "e found' which includes %ust a"out e!ery"ody with good sense except the #ind of man who calls a press conference at 6:9?: on Sunday morning and drones out a stone faced announcement that he #nows will ha!e half the nation howling with rage "efore nightfall. . . 0ut "y nightfall, Ford$s !ersion of the pardon was spread all o!er the country on the wires, while enraged editors at the Times! the -ost and the Star were still trying to pry their hotrod in!estigati!e reporters out of wee#end ca"ins in the Dirginia mountains and "each houses on the Baryland shore. 2 ha!e !ery dim memories of Tuc#$s call. /ess than fi!e hours earlier, 2 had passed out !ery suddenly in the "athtu", after something li#e 6?? hours of non stop wor# on a thing 2$d "een dragging around with me for two months and re!ising in ragged note"oo#s and on rented typewriters in hotels from ,ey 0iscayne to /aguna 0each, "ouncing in and out of 4ashington to chec# the pressure and #eep a fix on the timeta"le, then off again to Chicago or Colorado. . . "efore heading "ac# to 4ashington again, where the pressure !al!es finally "lew all at once in early August, catching me in a state of hysterical exhaustion and screeching helplessly for speed when Nixon suddenly ca!ed in and &uit, am"ushing me on the "rin# of a deadline and wasted "eyond the help of anything "ut the most extreme #ind of chemo therapy. 2t ta#es a"out a month to reco!er physically from a collapse of that magnitude, and at least a year to sha#e the memory. The only thing 2 can thin# of that compares to it is that long, long moment of indescri"a"ly intense sadness that comes %ust "efore drowning at sea, those last few seconds on the cusp when the "ody is still struggling "ut the mind has gi!en up. . . a sense of a"solute failure and a !ery clear understanding of it that ma#es the last few seconds "efore "lac#out seem almost peaceful. *etting rescued at that point is far more painful than drowning9 +eco!ery

205 "rings "ac# terrifying memories of struggling wildly for "reath. . . This is precisely the feeling 2 had when Tuc# wo#e me up that morning to say that Ford had %ust granted Nixon (full, free and a"solute( pardon. 2 had %ust written a long, sporadically rational "rief, of sorts explaining how Nixon had "ac#ed himself into a corner and why it was ine!ita"le that he would soon "e indicted and con!icted on a felony (o"struction of %ustice( charge, and then Ford would pardon him, for a lot of reasons 2 couldn$t agree with, "ut which Ford had already stated so firmly that there didn$t seem to "e much point in arguing a"out it. The logic of sentencing Nixon to a year in the same cell with Aohn 1ean was hard to argue with on either legal or ethical grounds, "ut 2 understood politics well enough "y then to realize that Nixon would ha!e to plead guilty to something li#e the rapeJmurder of a +epu"lican senator$s son "efore *erald Ford would e!en consider letting him spend any time in %ail. 2 had accepted this, more or less. Aust as 2 had more or less accepted after 6> months of total in!ol!ement in the struggle to get rid of Nixon the idea that *erald Ford could do %ust a"out anything he felt li#e doing, as long as he left me alone. By interest in national politics withered drastically within hours after Nixon resigned. After fi!e and a half years of watching a gang of fascist thugs treating the 4hite House and the whole machinery of the federal go!ernment li#e a con&uered empire to "e used li#e the spoils of war for any purpose that ser!ed either the needs or whims of the !ictors, the prospect of some harmless, half "right %oc# li#e *erry Ford running a cautious, careta#er style go!ernment for two or e!en six years was almost a welcome relief. Not e!en the ominous sight of Dice .resident Nelson +oc#efeller ho!ering a heart"eat away from the presidency had much effect on my head. After more than ten years of ci!il war with the 4hite House and all the swine who either li!ed or wor#ed there, 2 was ready to gi!e the "enefit of the dou"t to almost any president who acted half human and had enough sense not to wal# around in pu"lic wearing a swasti#a arm"and. This is more or less what 2 wrote, 2 thin#, after Nixon resigned and 2 was faced with the o"ligation to fill enough space to %ustify all those expenses 2 ran up while chasing Nixon around the country and watching him sin# deeper and deeper in the &uic#sand of his own excrement. 2n the early stages of the 1eathwatch, there was a definite high in watching the Congress reluctantly gearing up for a titanic "attle with +ichard Nixon and his pri!ate army of fixers who had ta#en o!er the whole executi!e "ranch of the go!ernment "y the time he sailed triumphantly into his second term. 0y the middle of last summer, the showdown had "ecome ine!ita"le and when Nixon loo#ed at the "alance sheet in August and saw "oth the legislati!e and %udicial "ranches of the federal go!ernment %oining forces against him, he #new he was finished. Cn August 7th, he &uit and was gone from 4ashington 6@ hours later in a cloud of disgrace. He was finished9 There was no dou"t a"out it. )!en his ran#ing staffers were muttering a"out his dangerously irrational state of mind toward the end, and his farewell speech to the Ca"inet and 4hite House staff was so clearly deranged that e!en 2 felt sorry for him. . . And when the helicopter whis#ed him off to exile in California, an almost !isi"le shudder of relief swept through the crowd on the 4hite House lawn that had gathered for the sad spectacle of his departure. Nixon was a"out ?:,::: feet o!er St. /ouis in Air Force Cne when, his chosen successor, *erald Ford, too# the oath. Ford had "een selected, "y Nixon, to replace Spiro Agnew, con!icted se!eral months earlier of tax fraud and extortion. . . and Nixon himself, "efore &uitting, had tacitly admitted his guilt in a felony conspiracy to o"struct %ustice. 2 left 4ashington the day after Ford was sworn in, too tired to feel anything "ut a manic sense of relief as 2 staggered through the lo""y at National Airport with a"out @:: pounds of transcripts of the Senate 4atergate and House Audiciary Committee Hearings that had "een rendered o"solete as e!idence "y Nixon$s forced resignation two days earlier. 2 was not &uite sure why 2

206 wanted them, "ut e!idence of any #ind is always reassuring to ha!e, and 2 felt that after two or three months of sleep 2 might "e a"le to use them in some way. Now, almost exactly four wee#s later, that suitcase full of transcripts is still lying open "eside my des#. . . and now that *erald Ford has granted Nixon a presidential pardon so sweeping that he will ne!er ha!e to stand trial for anything, those "oo#s of e!idence that would ha!e guaranteed his impeachment if he hadn$t resigned are "eginning to pi&ue my interest. . . Honk0 Tonk Tunes an- a Lon*(Re3e31ere- $rea3. . . Constant Ha**l+n*, seless Br+e5+n*s an- a Ho4l+n* Vo+,e at the $oor American &olitics "ill never be the same again. Senator *eorge Bc*o!ern, Acceptance Speech, Auly 6?th, 678@, Biami, Florida Another hot, hea!y rain in 4ashington, at ;9?? on a wet 4ednesday morning, falling li#e "alls of sweat against my window. . . Twel!e feet wide and six feet tall, the high yellow eye of the National Affairs Suite loo#ing out across the rotting roofs of our nation$s capital at least a mile away through the haze and the rain to the fine white mar"le spire of the 4ashington Bonument and the dar# dome of the Capitol. . . Hill"illy music howling out of the radio across the room from the typewriter. . . . And when it$s midnight in 1allas, "e somewhere on a "ig %et plane. . . 2f 2 could only understand you, may"e 2 could cope with the loneliness 2 feel. . . Hon#y ton# tunes and a &uart of 4ild Tur#ey on the side"oard, ripped to the tits on whate!er it was in that "ag 2 "ought tonight from the "ull fruit in *eorgetown, loo#ing down from the des# at yesterday$s huge %ashington -ost headline9
.+)S21)NT A1B2TS 42THHC/12N* 1ATA TA.)S SHC4 H) A..+CD)1 CCD)+ -.

)!ery half hour on the half hour, 4T+A the truc#ers$ station o!er in Alexandria #eeps "a""ling more and more hideous news of (rapidly dissol!ing( support in the House and the Senate. All ten mem"ers of the House Audiciary Committee who !oted against the articles of impeachment on national TD last wee# ha!e now re!ersed themsel!es, for the record, and said they plan to !ote for impeachment when or if it comes to a !ote in the House on August 67th. )!en 0arry *oldwater has lea#ed Eand then deniedF a -.2 report that he thin#s Nixon should resign, for the good of the country. . . and also for the good of *oldwater and e!ery"ody else in the +epu"lican party, such as it is. 2ndeed. The rats are deserting the ship at high speed. )!en the ding"at senator from Colorado, .eter 1ominic# the *C. claghorn who nominated Nixon for the No"el .eace .rize less than two years ago has called the president$s 66th hour admission of complicity in the 4atergate co!er up (sorrowful news.( 4e will not ha!e +ichard Nixon to #ic# around much longer which is not especially (sorrowful news( to a lot of people, except that the purging of the cheap little "astard is going to ha!e to ta#e place here in 4ashington and will ta#e up the rest of our summer. Cne day at a time, Sweet Aesus. . . That$s all 2$m as#in$ from you. . . And now the Compton 0rothers with a song a"out (. . . when the wine ran out and the

207 %u#e"ox ran out of tunes. . .( Aesus, we need more ice and whis#ey here. Fill the "ag with water and suc# down the dregs. The rain is still lashing my window, the dawn s#y is still "lac# and this room is damp and cold. 4here is the goddamn heat switchG 4hy is my "ed co!ered with newspaper clips and -.S. *o!ernment .rinting Cffice e!idence "oo#s from the Nixon impeachment hearingsG Ah. . . madness, madness. Cn a day li#e this, not e!en the prospect of +ichard Nixon$s downfall can wor# up the "lood. This is stone, flatout fuc#ing weather. Cn another day li#e this, a long time ago, 2 was humming across the "ridge out of /ouis!ille, ,entuc#y, in an old Che!y and three or four good ole "oys who wor#ed with me at a furniture factory in Aefferson!ille, 2ndiana. . . The tires were hissing on the wet asphalt, the windshield wipers were lashing "ac# and forth in the early morning rain and we were hun#ered down in the car with our lunch "ags and moaning along with a mean country tune on the radio when some"ody said9 (Aesus Christ. 4hy are we going to "ork on a day li#e thisG 4e must "e goddamn cra?'. This is the #ind of day when you want to "e "elly to "elly with a good woman, in a warm "ed under a tin roof with the rain "eating down and a "ottle of good whis#ey right next to the "ed.( /et me "e there in your mornin$, let me "e there in your night. . . /et me "e there when you need me. . . and ma#e it right. Ah, this haunting, hon#y music. . . 2 am running a serious out of control fe!er for that long remem"ered dream of a tin roof, hard rain, "elly to "elly day with a "ig iron "olt on the door and loc#ed away in a deep warm "ed from e!ery connection to the outside world except a L6;.7< tin radio wailing tunes li#e (2 Smell a +at( and (The 4ild Side of /ife.( This is not your ideal flying weather. 0oth National and 1ulles airports are (closed for the rest of the morning,( they say. . . 0ut despite all that 2 find myself on the phone demanding plane reser!ations "ac# to Colorado. Fuc# the weather. . . 4hoe!er answered the phone at -nited Airlines said the weather was (expected to "e clear( "y early afternoon and there were plenty of seats open for the ;9;: flight to 1en!er. (4onderful,( 2 said, ("ut 2 want a first class seat in the smokers* section.( (2$ll chec#,( she said, and moments later she was "ac# with "ad news9 (The smo#ing seats are all ta#en, sir, "ut if it ma#es no difference to you ( (2t does,( 2 said. (2 must smo#e. 2 insist on it.( She chec#ed again and this time the news was "etter9 (2 thin# we can open a smo#ing seat for you, sir. Could 2 ha!e your nameG( (Nader,( 2 said. (+. Nader.( (How do you spell thatG( 2 spelled it for her, then set my alarm for two and fell asleep on the couch, still wearing my wet swimming trun#s. After two months on the Nixon 2mpeachment Trail, my ner!es were worn raw from the constant haggling and frustrated hostility of all those useless, early morning 4hite House press "riefings and long, sweaty afternoons pacing aimlessly around the corridors of the +ay"urn Cffice 0uilding on Capitol Hill, waiting for crum"s of wisdom from any two or three of those ?> luc#less congressmen on the House Audiciary Committee hearing e!idence on the possi"le impeachment of +ichard Nixon. 2t was an eerie spectacle9 The whole Nixonian empire seemingly in!inci"le less than two years ago was falling apart of its own foul weight right in front of our eyes. There was no denying the !ast and historic proportions of the story, "ut co!ering it on a day to day "asis was such a dull and degrading experience that it was hard to #eep a focus on what was really happening. 2t was essentially a lawyer$s story, not a %ournalist$s.

208 2 ne!er made that plane. Sometime around noon 2 was %olted awa#e "y a pounding on my door and a !oice shouting, (4a#e up, goddamnit, the whole town$s gone crazy the sonofa"itch has ca!ed in he$s &uitting.( (NoI( 2 thought. (Not nowI 2$m too wea# to handle it.( These goddamn rumors had #ept me racing frantically around 4ashington day and night for almost a wee# and when the shitrain finally "egan, 2 was helpless. By eyes were swollen shut with chlorine poisoning and when 2 tried to get out of "ed to open the door, 2 almost snapped "oth an#les. 2 had fallen asleep wearing ru""er soled "as#et"all shoes, which had wedged themsel!es "etween the sheets at the foot of the "ed so firmly that my first thought was that some"ody had strapped me down on the "ed. The howling !oice at my door was Craig Detter, another R1223N( ST1N8 writer who had "een in town for two wee#s trying to ma#e some #ind of connection with Nixon$s priest. . . "ut the priest was finished now and the town was going wild. A %ashington -ost reporter said he had ne!er seen the newsroom so frantic not e!en when Aohn ,ennedy was murdered or during the Cu"an missile crisis. The pre!ailing rumors on Capitol Hill had Nixon either addressing a %oint session of Congress at ;9?: that afternoon or preparing a final statement for deli!ery at 89:: on all three networ#s. . . "ut a call to the 4hite House pressroom spi#ed "oth these rumors, although the place was filling up with reporters who$d pic#ed up an entirely different rumor9 That either Piegler or Nixon himself would soon appear in the pressroom to ma#e a statement of some #ind. Six more calls from the National Affairs Suite churned up at least six more impossi"le rumors. )!ery switch"oard in town that had any connection with either %ournalism or politics was %ammed and useless. /ater that night, e!en the main 4hite House switch"oard %ammed up for the first time most reporters could remem"er, and for the next two days almost e!ery"ody who wor#ed in the 4hite House e!en pri!ate secretaries #ept their home phones off the hoo# "ecause of the chaos. 2t was a"out 69?: on 4ednesday afternoon when 2 got through to Barty Nolan in the 4hite House pressroom. 4e compared rumors and #illed "oth lists !ery &uic#ly. (This is all crazy "ullshit,( said Nolan. (4e$re %ust "eing %er#ed around. He$s not going to do anything serious today, "ut %ust on the chance that he might, 2 don$t dare lea!e this goddamn dungeon.( 2 had "een on the !erge of going down there, "ut after arranging with Nolan and a"out six other people in strategic positions in different parts of town to call me instantly if anything started to happen, 2 decided that the "est thing to do was to ta#e "oth the TD set and the FB radio down to a ta"le "y the pool and ha!e all my calls transferred down to the lifeguard$s telephone. . . 4hich turned out to "e the "est of all possi"le solutions9 Detter and 2 set up a totally efficient communications post "eside the pool, and for the next ;> hours we were a"le to monitor the whole craziness from our ta"le "eside the pool. The Su,k(T+-e Rea,hes San Cle3ente. . . :+e*ler Br+n*s the "e4s to the Boss. . . General Ha+* an- the Ba* o5 $+3es. . . The S01ar+t+, Pr+est an- the %entall0 Retar-eRa11+. . . %ore Talk o5 the .Su+,+-e !pt+on. 4ell. . . the goddamn thing is o!er now' it ended on Thursday afternoon with all the grace and meaning of a Co#e "ottle thrown off a third floor fire escape on the 0owery exploding on the sidewal# and scaring the shit out of e!ery"ody in range, from the ones who got righteously ripped full of glass splinters to the swarm of (innocent "ystanders( who still don$t #now what happened. . . . . . And pro"a"ly ne!er will' there is a weird, unsettled, painfully incomplete &uality a"out the whole thing. All o!er 4ashington tonight is the stench of a massi!e psychic "attle that nobod' really won. +ichard Nixon has "een "ro#en, whipped and castrated all at once, "ut e!en for me there is no real cran# or elation in ha!ing "een a front row spectator at the final scenes, the 1eathwatch, the first time in American history that a president has "een chased out of the 4hite House and cast

209 down in the ditch with all the other gee#s and common criminals. . . /oo#ing "ac# on the final few months of his presidency, it is easy to see that Nixon was doomed all along or at least from that moment when Archi"ald Cox first decided to force a showdown on the (executi!e pri!ilege( &uestion "y sending a -.S. marshal o!er to the 4hite House with a su"poena for some of the C!al Cffice tapes. Nixon naturally defied that su"poena, "ut not e!en the crazed firing of Cox, +ichardson and +uc#elshaus could ma#e it go away. And when Aawors#i challenged Nixon$s right to defy that su"poena in the -.S. Supreme Court, the wheels of doom "egan rolling. And from that point on, it was clear to all the principals except Nixon himself that the -nthin#a"le was suddenly ine!ita"le' it was only a matter of time. . . And it was %ust a"out then that +ichard Nixon "egan losing his grip on reality. 4ithin hours after Aawors#i and Nixon$s (4atergate lawyer( Aames St. Clair had argued the case in a special session of the Court, 2 tal#ed to .at 0uchanan and was surprised to hear that Nixon and his wizards in the 4hite House were confident that the !erdict would "e < ? in their fa!or. )!en 0uchanan, who thin#s rationally a"out 87X of the time, apparently "elie!ed less than two wee#s "efore the Court ruled unanimously against Nixon that fi!e of the eight %ustices who would ha!e to rule on that &uestion would see no legal o"%ection to ratifying Nixon$s demented idea that anything discussed in the president$s official office e!en a patently criminal conspiracy was the president$s personal property, if he chose to ha!e it recorded on his personal tape recording machinery. The possi"ility that e!en some of the %ustices The 0oss himself had appointed to the Court might not cheerfully endorse a concept of presidential immunity that moc#ed "oth the -.S. Constitution and the Bagna Carta had apparently "een considered for a moment and then written off as too farfetched and crazy e!en to worry a"out "y all of Nixon$s personal strategists. 2t is still a little difficult to "elie!e, in fact, that some of the closest ad!isers to the president of a constitutional democracy in the year nineteen hundred and se!enty four might actually expect the highest court in an' constitutional democracy to cran# up what is pro"a"ly the most discredited precedent in the history of Anglo American %urisprudence the (di!ine right of #ings( in order to legalize the notion that a president of the -nited States or any other would "e democracy is a"o!e and "eyond (the law.( That Nixon and his personal *estapo actually "elie!ed this could happen is a measure of the insanity &uotient of the people Nixon too# down in the "un#er with him when he #new the time had come to get serious. 0ut e!en as they ra!ed, you could hear a hollow #ind of paranoid uncertainty in their !oices, as if they could already feel the e"" tide suc#ing around their an#les %ust as Nixon must ha!e felt it when he wal#ed alone on the "each at San Clemente a few wee#s earlier, trudging slowly along in the surf with his pantlegs rolled up while he waited in angry solitude for the results of the Supreme Court !ote on his claim of (executi!e pri!ilege.( That rush of suc#ing water around his an#les must ha!e almost pulled him out to sea when Piegler called down from the "ig dune in front of /a Casa .acifica9 (Bister .residentI Bister .residentI 4e %ust got the newsI The !ote was unanimous eight to zero.( Nixon whoops with delight9 He stops in his waterfilled trac#s and hurls out "oth arms in the twin !ictory sign. (4onderfulI( he shouts. (2 kne" we$d win it, +onI )!en without that clown +ench"urg. 2t wasn$t for nothing that 2 appointed those other dum" farts to the CourtI( Piegler stares down at him, at this doomed scarecrow of a president down there on the edge of the surf. 4hy is he grinningG 4hy does he seem so happy at this terri"le newsG (NoI( Piegler shouts. (That is not what 2 meant. That is not what 2 meant at allI( He hesitates, cho#ing "ac# a so". (The !ote was eight to zero, Bister .resident against you.(

210 (4hatG( The scarecrow on the "each goes limp. His arms collapse, his hands flap crazily around the poc#ets of his wet pants. (Those dirty "astardsI( he screams. (4e$ll "rea# their "allsI( (Hes sir+" Piegler shouts. (They$ll wish they$d ne!er "een "ornI( He %er#s a note"oo# out of his inside coat poc#et and %ots9 (0rea# their "alls.( 0y this time the wet president is clim"ing the dune in front of him. (4hat happenedG( Nixon snarls. (1id some"ody get to 0urgerG( Piegler nods. (4hat elseG .ro"a"ly it was )dward 0ennet 4illiams.( (Cf course,( says Nixon. (4e should ne!er ha!e left that dum" sonofa"itch "ac# there in 4ashington "y himself. 4e #now he$ll do "usiness9 That$s why we put him there.( He #ic#s sa!agely at a lone ice plant in the sand. (*oddamnitI 4here was ColsonG 0urger was his assignment, rightG( Piegler winces. (Colson$s in %ail, sir. 1on$t you remem"erG( Nixon stares "lan#ly, then reco!ers. (ColsonG 2n %ailG 4hat did he doG( He pic#s up a #elp head and lashes it against his shin. (Ne!er mind, 2 can remem"er now "ut what a"out )hrlichmanG He can %er# 0urger and those other clowns around li#e a goddamn .unch and Audy showI( Piegler stares out to sea for a moment, his eyes cloud o!er. (4ell, sir. . . Aohn$s not much good to us anymore. He$s going to prison.( Nixon stiffens, dropping the #elp head in the sand. (Holy shit, +onI 4hy should Aohn go to prisonG He$s one of the finest pu"lic ser!ants 2$!e e!er had the pri!ilege of #nowingI( Piegler is weeping openly now, his emaciated "ody is wrac#ed "y deep so"s. (2 don*t kno"! sir. 2 can$t explain it.( He stares out to sea again, fighting to gain control of himself. (These are terri"le times, Bister .resident. Cur enemies are closing in. 4hile you were out there on the "each, the A!is agency in /aguna called and canceled our credit. The' took m' car! Bister .residentI By gold Cadillac con!erti"leI 2 was on the phone with 0uzhardt a"out the Supreme Court "usiness, you #now when 2 loo#ed out the window and saw this little nigger in an A!is uniform dri!ing my car out the gate. The guards said he had a writ of seizure, signed "y the local sheriff.( (By *odI( Nixon exclaims. (4e$ll "rea# his "allsI 4here$s a telephoneG 2$ll call Haldeman.( (2t$s no use, sir,( Piegler replies. (4e can$t ma#e any outgoing calls until we pay the phone company L??,:::. They sent a man down to fix the lines so we can only ta#e incoming calls for the next >= hours, and then we$ll "e cut off entirely. 2f you want to call 4ashington, we$ll ha!e to wal# to the San Clemente 2nn and use a pay phone. 2 thin# *eneral Haig has a "ag of dimes in his room.( Nixon stiffens again' his "rain is mired in deep thought. Then his eyes light up and he gra"s Piegler "y the arm, dragging him toward the house. (Come on, +on,( he snaps, (2 ha!e an idea.( Piegler stum"les along "ehind the president9 He feels the energy flowing into him The 0oss is on the mo!e. Nixon is tal#ing as he runs9 (2 thin# 2$!e isolated our pro"lem, +on. 4e need credit, rightG C,, 4here$s that AewG( (AewG( (Hou #now who 2 mean, goddamnit that ra""i. They can always get credit, can$t theyG A ra""iG 4e$ll send some of the Secret Ser!ice "oys up there to /aguna to round him up. He$s pro"a"ly in the "ar up there on top of the Surf and Sand' that$s where he hangs out.( Nixon laughs wildly now. (Shit, nobod' &uestions a ra""i$s creditI Hou tell the SS "oys to pic# him up and throw a real scare into him, then "ring him down here and 2$ll stroke him.( Now Piegler is laughing. His eyes are "right and he is writing fast in his note"oo#. (2t$s a wonderful idea, sir, %ust wonderfulI First we stonewall the "astards, then we outflan# them with a AewI( Nixon nods happily. (They$ll ne!er #now what hit $em, +on. Hou #now what 2$!e always said9 $4hen the going gets tough, the tough get going.$ (

211 (That$s right, sir. 2 remem"er when Coach /om"ardi ( Nixon cuts him off with a sudden clap of his wet hands' the sound causes two Secret Ser!ice agents in the near"y shru""ery to go for their guns. (Hold on, +onI Aust hold it right thereI Hou #now who taught Coach /om"ardi e!erything he #newG( He smiles deeply. (BeI The .residentI( Piegler wrings his hands, his eye"alls "ulge, his face is twisted with re!erence. (2 remember that, sir 2 remem"erI( "(ood! +on, goodI Cnly losers forget. . . And you #now what Coach /om"ardi said a"out that." Nixon seizes his press secretary "y "oth el"ows and comes up close to his face9 His "reath is foul, his eye"alls are "loodshot, his pupils are dangerously dilated, his words come in short, high pitched "ar#s li#e a ra"id hyena9 (Hou show me a good loser, +on and 2$ll show you a loser+" Piegler is o!erwhelmed9 His eyes are so wide that he can$t e!en "lin#' his "ody is rigid "ut his soul is on fire. His face is a mas# of pure zeal9 +on Piegler left hand man to a doomed and criminal president, the political flip side of e!ery "urned out acid frea# who !oted for *oldwater and then switched to Tim /eary until the pain got too "ad and the di!ine light of either Aesus or Bahara% Ai lured him off in the wa#e of another .erfect Baster. Ah, poor +on. 2 #new him well enough. 2t was Piegler, in fact, who tipped me off many months ago that Nixon was finished. This was "ac# in Auly, in that lull "efore the storm when the wizards in 4ashington were "eginning to nod glumly at each other whene!er some"ody suggested that the impeachment dri!e seemed to "e faltering and that may"e Nixon was "ottoming out, that in fact he had already "ounced off the "ottom and was preparing to ta#e the offensi!e once again. These were the salad days of early summer, "efore the fateful Supreme Court decision, when Nixon$s *oe""els ex 4hite House (communications director( ,en Clawson was creating a false dawn o!er the 4hite House "y momentarily halting Nixon$s year long slide in the pu"lic opinion polls with a daily drum"eat of hea!y headline gra""ing attac#s on (professional Nixon haters( in the press, and (unprincipled, #nee %er# li"erals in Congress.( At that point in time, most of Nixon$s traditional allies were "eginning to hear the death shrie#s of the "anshee floating o!er the 4hite House lawns at night, and e!en 0illy *raham had deserted him. So Clawson, in a stro#e of cheap genius, put a sy"aritic Aesuit priest and a mentally retarded ra""i on the payroll and sent them forth to do "attle with the forces of )!il. Father Aohn Bc/aughlin, the Aesuit, wallowed %oyfully in his role as (Nixon$s priest( for a month or so, "ut his star faded fast when it was learned he was pulling down more than L@<,::: a year for his efforts and li!ing in a luxury apartment at the 4atergate. His superiors in the church were horrified, "ut Bc/aughlin ga!e them the "ac# of his hand and, instead, merely cran#ed up his speechma#ing act. 2n the end, howe!er, not e!en Clawson could li!e with the insistent rumor that the *ood Aesuit Father was planning to marry his girlfriend. This was too much, they say, for the rigid sensi"ilities of *eneral Haig, the 4hite House chief of staff, whose "rother was a legitimate priest in 0altimore. Bc/aughlin disappeared !ery suddenly, after six giddy wee#s on the national stage, and nothing has "een heard of him since. 0ut Clawson was ready for that. No sooner had the priest "een deep sixed than he un!eiled another, holy man the +a""i 0aruch ,orff, a genuine ding"at with "arely enough sense to tie his own shoes, "ut who eagerly lent his name and his fla#y presence to anything Clawson aimed him at. -nder the "anner of something called the (National Citizens$ Committee for Fairness to the .resident,( he (organized( rallies, dinner parties and press conferences all o!er the country. Cne of his main financial "ac#ers was Hamilton Fish Sr., a notorious fascist and the father of New Hor# Congressman Hamilton Fish Ar., one of the +epu"lican swing !otes on the House Audiciary Committee who &uietly !oted for impeachment. 1nl' a month ago! the storms of destin' seemed to be subsiding for -resident Ni on. Among the

212 0no"ledgeable in %ashington! the conviction "as gro"ing that the im&eachment cam&aign against him had s&ent its moment. . . 6Aut7 it is no" clear that the 0no"ledgeable "ere "rong! that the' mistook a break in the clouds for lasting sunshine. . . +. 4. Apple Ar., The Ne" )ork Times! Auly @>th, 678; 2n fact, howe!er, Nixon was already doomed "y the time the +odino committee got around to !oting. The unanimous Supreme Court !ote on the &uestion of (executi!e pri!ilege( with regard to the =; disputed tapes was the "eginning of the end. Nixon had #nown all along that the release of those tapes would finish him "ut he had consistently lied a"out their contents9 not only to the press and the pu"lic, "ut also to his wife and his daughters and all the hardcore loyalists on his staff. He lied a"out the tapes to 0arry *oldwater and *erry Ford, to Hugh Scott and Aohn +hodes, to Al Haig and .at 0uchanan and e!en to his own attorney, Aames St. Clair who was stupid enough, li#e the others, to ha!e "elie!ed him when he swore that the tapes he refused to let any"ody listen to would finally pro!e his innocence. 0oth of his lawyers, in fact, had done e!erything in their power to avoid hearing the goddamn things. 2t finally re&uired a direct order from Audge Sirica, on two separate occasions, to compel 0uzhardt and St. Clair to listen to the tapes. 0uzhardt was first, and within hours after hearing the fatal con!ersation with Haldeman of Aune @?rd, 678@, he was rushed to the intensi!e care ward of a pri!ate hospital in Dirginia with a serious (heart attac#( that rendered him incommunicado for almost two months. 2 was sitting in a "ar called the Class +eunion, a"out two "loc#s from the 4hite House, when 2 heard the tragic news. . . And 2 recall saying to Aoston (lobe correspondent Barty Nolan9 (4e$ll ne!er see 0uzhardt again. They can$t afford to let him li!e. 2f he sur!i!es whate!er Piegler put in his coffee when he was listening to those tapes, Haldeman will go out there and stic# a hatpin up his nose while he$s wasted on 1emerol, %am it straight into his "rain when the nurse gets out of the room. Ta#e my word for it, Barty. 2 #now how these people operate. 0uzhardt will ne!er lea!e that hospital ali!e.( Nolan nodded, o"li!ious to 0uzhardt$s grim fate. At that point, almost e!ery %ournalist in 4ashington assigned to the Nixon 1eathwatch had "een a!eraging a"out two hours sleep a night since the "eginning of summer. Bany were wea# and confused, succum"ing to drin# or drugs whene!er possi"le. Cthers seemed to ho!er from day to day on the "rin# of terminal fatigue. +adio and TD reporters in the 4hite House pressroom were reduced to tearing articles out of the nearest newspaper and reading them !er"atim straight o!er the air while the newspaper and magazine people would tape the li!e "roadcasts and then transcri"e them word for word under their own "ylines. 0y the end of Auly, the prospect of ha!ing to co!er an impeachment de"ate in the House and then a trial in the Senate for three or four months without relief was almost un"eara"le. As August "egan and Nixon still showed no signs of gi!ing up, there was more and more tal# of (the suicide option.( Last Break5ast at the Wh+te House. . . The S,u31a* I Passe- to a "e4 Generat+on. . . ColTurke0 S4oops $o4n 7 Pan+, 5or Water*ate 9unk+es Sometime around dawn on the Friday morning of +ichard Bilhous Nixon$s last "rea#fast in the 4hite House 2 put on my swimming trun#s and a red rain par#a, laced my head with some gray Argentine snuff, and too# an ele!ator down to the "ig pool "elow my window in the National Affairs Suite at the 4ashington Hilton. 2t was still raining, so 2 carried my porta"le TD set, a note"oo# and four "ottles of 0ass Ale in a waterproof can!as "ag. The lower lo""y was empty, except for the night watchman a meaty "lac# gentleman whose main duty was to #eep people li#e me out of the pool at night, "ut we had long since come to

213 a friendly understanding on the su"%ect. 2t was against the rules to swim when the pool was closed "ut there was no rule to pre!ent a 1octor of 1i!inity from going out there to meditate on the end of the di!ing "oard. (Bornin$, 1oc,( said the watchman. (-p a little early, ain$t youG )specially on a nasty day li#e this.( (NastyG( 2 replied. (4hat are you some #ind of goddamn -ncle Tom +epu"licanG 1on$t you #now who$s lea!ing town todayG( He loo#ed puzzled for a moment, then his face crac#ed into a grin. (Hou$re right, "y godI 2 almost forgot. 4e finally got rid of that man, didn$t we, 1ocG( He nodded happily. (Hes, sir, we finally got rid of him.( 2 reached into my "ag and opened two 0ass Ales. (This is a time for cele"ration,( 2 said, handing him one of the "ottles. 2 held mine out in front of me. (To +ichard Nixon,( 2 said, (may he cho#e on the money he stole.( The watchman glanced furti!ely o!er his shoulder "efore lifting his ale for the toast. The clin# of the two "ottles coming together echoed "riefly in the !ast, deserted lo""y. (See you later,( 2 said. (2 ha!e to meditate for a while, then hustle down to the 4hite House to ma#e sure he really lea!es. 2 won$t "elie!e it until 2 see it with my own eyes.( The flat surface of the pool was poc#ed with millions of tiny raindrops "eating steadily down on the water. There was a chain loc# on the gate, so 2 clim"ed o!er the fence and wal#ed down to the deep end, where 2 located a dry spot under a tree near the di!ing "oard. The /AS Morning Ne"s would "e on in a"out @: minutes' 2 turned on the TD set, ad%usted the aerial and turned the screen so 2 could see it from the pool a"out @: feet away. 2t was a system 2$d wor#ed out last summer at the Senate 4atergate hearings9 After e!ery two laps, 2 could loo# o!er the edge of the pool and chec# the screen to see if Hughes +udd$s face had appeared yet. 4hen it did, 2 would clim" out of the water and lie down on the grass in front of the set turn up the sound, light a cigarette, open a fresh 0ass Ale and ta#e notes while 2 watched the tiny screen for a general outline of whate!er action Sam )r!in$s +oman circus might "e expected to generate that day. 2 stayed out there "y the pool for almost two hours, sliding in and out of the water to run a few laps and then "ac# out to stretch out on the grass to ma#e a note now and then on the news. Not much was happening, except for a few #in#y inter!iews down "y the 4hite House gate with people who claimed to ha!e "een on the 1eathwatch for three days and nights without sleeping. . . 0ut !ery few of them could e!en "egin to explain why they were doing it. At least half the crowd around the 4hite House during those last few days loo#ed li#e people who spend e!ery wee#end prowling the 1emolition 1er"y circuit. The only other action on the news that Friday morning was an occasional rerun of Nixon$s official resignation speech from the night "efore. 2 had watched it with Detter in the 4atergate "ar. 2t seemed li#e a good place to "e on that night, "ecause 2 had also "een there on the night of Aune 68th, 678@ while the 4atergate "urglary was happening fi!e floors a"o!e my head. 0ut after 2$d watched Nixon$s speech for the third time, a strange feeling of ner!ousness "egan wor#ing on me and 2 decided to get out of town as soon as possi"le. The mo!ie was o!er or at least it would "e o!er in two or three hours. Nixon was lea!ing at 6:9::, and Ford would "e sworn in at noon. 2 wanted to "e there on the 4hite House lawn when Nixon was lifted off. That would "e the end of m' mo!ie. 2t was still raining when 2 left and the pool was still empty. 2 put the TD set "ac# in the can!as "ag and clim"ed o!er the gate "y the lifeguard shac#. Then 2 stopped and loo#ed "ac# for a moment, #nowing 2 would ne!er come "ac# to this place, and if 2 did it would not "e the same. The pool would "e the same, and it would "e easy enough to pic# up a case of 0ass Ale or a "attery TD set. . . And 2 could e!en come down here on rainy summer mornings and watch the morning news. . . 0ut there would not "e this #ind of morning anymore, "ecause the main ingredient for that

214 mix was no longer a!aila"le in 4ashington' and if you as#ed any of the people who were #nown to ha!e a real taste for it, the hard core Nixon aficionados, they all understood that it would not "e a!aila"le again for a hell of a long time and pro"a"ly ne!er. No"ody e!en tal#s a"out su"stitutes or something almost exactly the same. The mold disappeared a"out three minutes after they made that e!il "astard. . . and although there was ne!er any dou"t a"out who stole it, no"ody had any proof. No. . . e!en with the pool and the ale and grass and the porta"le TD set, the morning news will not "e the same without the foul specter of +ichard Nixon glaring out of the tu"e. 0ut the war is o!er now and he lost. . . *one "ut not forgotten, missed "ut not mourned' we will not see another one li#e him for &uite a while. He was dishonest to a fault, the truth was not in him, and if it can "e said that he resem"led any other li!ing animal in this world, it could only ha!e "een the hyena. 2 too# a ca" down to the 4hite House and pushed through the sullen mo" on the sidewal# to the guardhouse window. The cop inside glanced at my card, then loo#ed up fixing me with a hea!y lidded Muaalude stare for %ust an instant, then nodded and pushed his "uzzer to open the gate. The pressroom in the 4est 4ing was empty, so 2 wal#ed outside to the +ose *arden, where a "ig oli!e dra" helicopter was perched on the lawn, a"out 6:: feet out from the stairs. The rain had stopped and a long, red carpet was laid out on the wet grass from the 4hite House door to the helicopter. 2 eased through the crowd of photographers and wal#ed out, loo#ing "ac# at the 4hite House, where Nixon was gi!ing his final address to a shoc#ed crowd of 4hite House staffers. 2 examined the aircraft !ery closely, and 2 was %ust a"out to clim" into it when 2 heard a loud rum"ling "ehind me' 2 turned around %ust in time to see +ichard and .at coming toward me, trailing their daughters and followed Closely "y *erald Ford and 0etty. Their faces were grim and they were wal#ing !ery slowly' Nixon had a glazed smile on his face, not loo#ing at any"ody around him, and wal#ed li#e a wooden 2ndian full of Thorazine. His face was a greasy death mas#. 2 stepped "ac# out of his way and nodded hello "ut he didn$t seem to recognize me. 2 lit a cigarette and watched him clim" the steps to the door of the helicopter. . . Then he spun around !ery suddenly and threw his arms straight up in the famous twin !ictory signal' his eyes were still glazed, "ut he seemed to "e loo#ing o!er the heads of the crowd at the 4hite House. No"ody was tal#ing. A swarm of photographers rushed the plane as Nixon raised his arms "ut his "ody had spun around too fast for his feet, and as his arms wents up 2 saw him losing his "alance. The grimace on his face went slac#, then he "ounced off the door and stum"led into the coc#pit. .at and Piegler were already inside' )d Cox and Tricia went in &uic#ly without loo#ing "ac#, and a Barine in dress "lues shut the door and %umped away as the "ig rotor "lades "egan turning and the engine cran#ed up to a dull, whining roar. 2 was so close that the noise hurt my ears. The rotor "lades were in!isi"le now, "ut the wind was getting hea!ier' 2 could feel it pressing my eye"alls "ac# into their soc#ets. For an instant 2 thought 2 could see +ichard Nixon$s face pressed up to the window. 4as he smilingG 4as it NixonG 2 couldn$t "e sure. And now it made no difference. The wind "last from the rotors was "lowing people off "alance now' photographers were clutching their e&uipment against their "odies and *erald Ford was leading his wife "ac# toward the 4hite House with a stony scowl on his face. 2 was still !ery close to the helicopter, watching the tires. As the "east "egan rising, the tires "ecame suddenly fat' there was no more weight on them. . . The helicopter went straight up and ho!ered for a moment, then swooped down toward the 4ashington Bonument and then angled up into the fog. +ichard Nixon was gone. The end came so suddenly and with so little warning that it was almost as if a muffled

215 explosion in the 4hite House had sent up a mushroom cloud to announce that the scum"ag had "een passed to what will ha!e to pose for now as another generation. The main reaction to +ichard Nixon$s passing especially among %ournalists who had "een on the 1eath watch for two years was a wild and wordless orgasm of long awaited relief that tailed off almost instantly to a dull, post coital sort of depression that still endures. 4ithin hours after Nixon$s departure, e!ery "ar in downtown 4ashington normally fre&uented "y reporters was a sin#hole of gloom. Se!eral hours after *erald Ford was sworn in, 2 found ex ,ennedy speechwriter 1ic# *oodwin in a "ar not far from the R1223N( ST1N8 office across the street from the 4hite House. He was slumped in a "ooth "y himself, staring "lan#ly into his drin# li#e a man who had %ust had his teeth ripped out "y a sa!age "ill collector. (2 feel totally drained,( he said. (2t$s li#e the circus %ust left town. This is the end of the longest running continuous entertainment this city e!er had.( He wa!ed his arm at the waitress for another drin#. (2t$s the end of an era. Now 2 #now how all those roc# frea#s felt when they heard the 0eatles were "rea#ing up.( 2 felt the same way. All 2 wanted to do was get the hell out of town as soon as possi"le. 2 had %ust come from the 4hite House pressroom, where a smogli#e sense of fun# or (smun#( as some"ody o!er there might descri"e it had settled on the room within minutes after Ford too# the oath. The 1eathwatch was finally o!er' the e!il demon had "een purged and the *ood *uys had won or at least the 0ad *uys had lost, "ut that was not &uite the same thing. 4ithin hours after +ichard Nixon left 4ashington, it was painfully clear that Fran# Ban#iewicz had spo#en too soon when he$d predicted, %ust a few wee#s "efore The Fall, that 4ashington would "e (the Hollywood of the Se!enties.( 4ithout Nixon to stir up its thin %uices, the 4ashington of the Se!enties could loo# forward to the same grim fate as Cinderella$s gilded coach at the stro#e of midnight. 2t would turn "ac# into a pump#in, and any mysterious shoes left lying around on the deserted "allroom floors of the 4atergate era would not interest a genial pragmatist li#e *erald Ford. He would not ha!e much time, for a while, to concern himself with anything "ut the slide into national "an#ruptcy that Nixon had left him to cope with. . . And, despite all its menacing implications, the desperate plight of the national economy was not a story that called up the same #ind of %ournalistic adrenaline that 4ashington and most of the country had "een li!ing on for so long that the prospect of gi!ing it up caused a serious panic in the ran#s of all the 4atergate %un#ies who ne!er e!en #new they were hoo#ed until the cold tur#ey swooped into their closets. 4e all #new it was coming the press, the Congress, the (pu"lic,( all the "ac#stage handlers in 4ashington and e!en Nixon$s own henchmen "ut we all had our own different timeta"les, and when his "alloon suddenly "urst on that fateful Bonday in August, it happened so fast that none of us were ready to deal with it. The Nixon presidency ne!er really had time to crumble! except in hazy retrospect. . . 2n reality, it disintegrated! with all the speed and !iolence of some flimsy and long a"andoned gaze"o suddenly "lasted to splinters "y chain lightning. The "olts came so fast that it was hard to #eep count. Cn the 4ednesday morning after the House Audiciary Committee !oted to recommend his impeachment, +ichard Nixon was a "eleaguered +epu"lican president with powerful +epu"lican Eand Southern 1emocraticF allies in "oth the House and the Senate9 His impeachment seemed almost certain, "ut the few people in 4ashington crass enough to "et money on a thing li#e this were still calling his chances of con!iction in the Senate (%ust a"out e!en.( This prognosis held for a"out 8@ hours, which was time enough for almost e!ery"ody in 4ashington to start gearing down for an endless summer a humid nightmare of "ooze, sweat and tension, of de"ate in the House, delay in the courts and finally a trial in the Senate that might drag on until Christmas. 2t was an ugly prospect, e!en for those of us who openly welcomed the prospect of seeing +ichard Nixon in the doc#. Cn the last afternoon of the Audiciary hearings, 2 found myself leaning

216 against a tree on the grass of the -.S. Capitol lawn, hopelessly stoned, staring up at the huge golden dome Ewhile loud #nots of tourists wearing 0ermuda shorts and 2nstamatic cameras clim"ed the mar"le steps a hundred yards in front of meF and wondering, (4hat in the fuc# am 2 doing hereG 4hat #ind of sic# and twisted life ha!e 2 fallen into that would cause me to spend some of the "est hours of my life in a cryptli#e room full of cameras, hot lights and fearful politicians de"ating the guilt or innocence of +ichard Bilhous NixonG( The Pol+t+,+an an- the Pa4n1roker. . . The "e4 =ork T+3es H+ts the Tren,hes, The Wash+n*ton Post !pens a %ult+(Pron*e- Panzer !55ens+2e. . . Lessons o5 a Cr+3e Spree +n Le8+n*ton. . . A Co3poun- Tan*ent %ushroo3s $an*erousl0 3nnocence. 2t is difficult e!en to type that word on the same page with Nixon$s name. The man was born guilty not in the traditional Datican sense of (original sin,( "ut in a dar#er and highly personalized sense that Nixon himself seems to ha!e recognized from the !ery "eginning. Nixon$s entire political career and in fact his whole life is a gloomy monument to the notion that not e!en pure schizophrenia or malignant psychosis can pre!ent a determined loser from rising to the top of the heap in this strange society we ha!e "uilt for oursel!es in the name of (democracy( and (free enterprise.( For most of his life, the mainspring of +ichard Nixon$s energy and am"ition seems to ha!e "een a deep and unrecognized need to o!ercome, at all costs, that sense of ha!ing "een born guilt' not for crimes or transgressions alread' committed, "ut for those he somehow sensed he was fated to commit as he grappled his way to the summit. 2f Nixon had "een "orn Aewish, instead of 0lac# 2rish, he would pro"a"ly ha!e "een a pawn"ro#er instead of a politician, not only "ecause the su"ur"s of /os Angeles would ne!er ha!e elected a Aewish congressman in 67;=, "ut "ecause running a "ig league pawnshop would ha!e fueled him with the same #ind of guilt dri!en energy that most of our politicians from the county assessor le!el all the way up to the 4hite House seem to thri!e on. Cn any gi!en morning, "oth the politician and the pawn"ro#er can "e sure that "y sundown the inescapa"le realities of their calling will ha!e forced them to do something they would rather not ha!e to explain, not e!en to themsel!es. The details might !ary, "ut the "ase line ne!er changes9 (2 will feel more guilty tomorrow than 2 felt yesterday. . . 0ut of course 2 ha!e no choice9 The' ha!e made me what 2 am and "y god, the'*ll pay for it.( So the cycle runs on. 0oth the politician and the pawn"ro#er are doomed to li!e li#e %un#ies, hoo#ed on the mutant energy of their own unexplaina"le addictions. 2n this "aleful sense, +ichard Nixon is definitely (one of us( as Ne" )ork Times columnist Tom 4ic#er wrote, in a !ery different context, "ac# in the early Sixties. The phrase was Conrad$s, from 2ord Jim: (He was one of us. . .( and when 2 read 4ic#er$s piece more than a decade ago 2 remem"er feeling angry that The Ne" )ork Times had the power to hire another one of these goddamn gothic Southern sots and turn him loose to stum"le around 4ashington and spew out this #ind of "ullshit. Any"ody stupid enough to identify with +ichard Nixon the same way Conrad$s Barlow identified with /ord Aim was "eyond either help or any hope of credi"ility, 2 felt, and for the next se!en or eight years 2 dismissed e!erything 4ic#er wrote as the mum"lings of a hired fool. . . And when 4ic#er$s point of !iew "egan swinging !ery noticea"ly in the direction of my own, in the late 67=:s, 2 was almost as distur"ed for entirely different reasons as the Times editors in New Hor# who also noticed the drift and swiftly deposed him from his heir apparent role to Aames +eston as the new chief of the paper$s 4ashington 0ureau. The masthead of The Ne" )ork Time*s 4ashington 0ureau is a relia"le weather!ane for professional o"ser!ers of the changing political climate. Control of the "ureau is usually in the hands of some"ody the magnates in New Hor# "elie!e is more or less on the same wa!elength as the men

217 in control of the go!ernment. Arthur ,roc#, for instance, got along fine with )isenhower, "ut he couldn$t handle the ,ennedys and was replaced "y +eston, a AF, partisan in 67=: and a (+oose!elt coalition( neopopulist who also got along well with /yndon Aohnson. 0ut when Aohnson &uit in 67=> and the future loo#ed !ery uncertain, +eston was promoted to a management %o" in New Hor# and was succeeded "y 4ic#er at a"out the same time +o"ert ,ennedy was deciding to ma#e his mo!e for the presidency' "ut when 0o""y was #illed and BcCarthy collapsed, the Times hedged its "et on Humphrey "y deposing 4ic#er and replacing him with Bax Fran#el, a smooth and effecti!e diplomatJ%ournalist who could presuma"ly get along with either Hu"ert or Nixon. . . 0ut not e!en Fran#el could handle Four Bore Hears, apparently, and the NixonJAgnew landslide in 678@ forced the admittedly anti Nixon Times into a stance of agonizing reappraisal. Fran#el mo!ed up to New Hor#, and since the most o"!ious candidates for his %o" were relati!ely li"eral young tur#s li#e 0o" Semple, Anthony /ewis or Aohnny Apple, who were clearly out of step with the mandate of !engeance that Nixon claimed "y !irtue of his shattering !ictory o!er Bc*o!ern, the Times management in New Hor# made a fateful policy decision that would soon come "ac# to haunt them9 Cn the theory that the "est offense, at that point, was a good defense, they pulled in their editorial horns for the duration and sent an elderly, conser!ati!e mediocrity named Clifton 1aniel down from the executi!e "ac#waters of New Hor# to #eep the aggressi!e 4ashington 0ureau under control. At almost the same time, they hired one of Nixon$s top speechwriters, 0ill Safire, and ga!e him a prominent ran#ing columnist$s spot on the Times editorial pages. 0oth of these mo!es were thinly !eiled concessions to the prospect of a re!enge hungry NixonJAgnew %uggernaut that had already telegraphed its intention to de!ote as much of its second Eand finalF term energies to their (enemies( in the (national media( as they had already successfully de!oted in the first term to scuttling the -.S. Supreme Court. 2t was clearly a management decision, safely rooted in the Times concept of itself as (a newspaper of record,( not ad!ocacy and when you$re in the "usiness of recording history, you don$t declare war on the people who$re ma#ing it. (2f you want to get along, go along.( That is an ancient political axiom often attri"uted to 0oss Tweed, the legendary (pol( and "rute fixer who many %ournalists in 4ashington insist still sits on the editorial "oard of The Ne" )ork Times. 4hich is pro"a"ly not true, if only "ecause the Times got "urned so "adly "y going along with Tweed$s crude logic in the winter of 678@ 8? that the whole 4ashington 0ureau except perhaps Clifton 1aniel is still reeling from the "eating they too# from The %ashington -ost on the NixonJ4atergate story. 4hile the Times was getting down in the trenches and methodically constructing its own %ournalistic !ersion of a Baginot line against the ine!ita"le NixonJAgnew offensi!e, the -ost was wor#ing @< hours a day on a multipronged panzer style offensi!e that would soon "ecome one of the most de!astating scoops in the history of American %ournalism. +ather than "e cowed "y Nixon and his army of power crazed thugs, the -ost elected to meet them head on, hitting "oth flan#s and the center all at once and when the "loody dust "egan settling, %ust a few wee#s ago, with "oth Agnew and Nixon ha!ing resigned in disgrace, The %ashington -ost had un&uestiona"ly replaced The Ne" )ork Times as the nation$s premier political newspaper. To compensate for the loss of what is widely regarded as one of the fattest and hea!iest %o"s in %ournalism, the Times ga!e 4ic#er a column his own chun# of turf, as it were and that unexpected "urst of freedom seemed to ha!e an almost consciousness expanding effect on his head. 4hen 2 met him for the first time in Biami in that star crossed political summer of 678@, he was writing one of the sanest columns on the mar#et and he tal#ed li#e a happy man. 4e were sitting at a "each ta"le near the surf, outside the Fontaine"leau Hotel on Biami 0each, ta#ing a "rea# from the chaos of the 1emocratic Con!ention, and 2 too# the opportunity to tell him a"out my reaction to his long ago comment on Nixon.

218 (Heah,( he said. (2$m not sure what 2 was thin#ing when 2 wrote that, "ut ( (No,( 2 said. (Hou were right.( He stared at me, loo#ing puzzled. 2t was one of those days that we all hit once in a while when e!erything you mean to say sounds wrong when you hear it coming out of your mouth. 2 tried "riefly to explain what 2 really meant, "ut e!en the explanation came out "ent, so 2 decided to drop the su"%ect. . . 4hat 2 had in mind, 2 thin#, was the idea that Nixon really "as (one of us( not in Conrad$s sense of that term, or my own, "ut as an almost perfect expression of (the American way of life( that 2$d "een so harshly immersed in for the past eight or nine months of tra!eling constantly around the country to co!er the presidential primaries. AesusI This idea seems %ust as tangled tonight as it did two years ago when 2 was trying to explain it to 4ic#er so 2 thin# 2$ll let it drop, once again, and mo!e on to something else. . . 0ut not without a final "ac#ward glance at the election results in No!em"er of $8@, when +ichard Nixon was re elected to the 4hite House "y the largest margin of any president since *eorge 4ashington. There is no way to erase that ominous fact from the record "oo#s any more than Nixon will e!er "e a"le to erase from the history "oo#s the fact that he was the first American president to "e dri!en out of the 4hite House "ecause of admittedly criminal "eha!ior while in office. /oo#ing "ac# on that crippled con!ersation with 4ic#er in Biami, it occurs to me that may"e almost e!ery"ody in the country except possi"ly 4ic#er might ha!e "een spared what *eneral Ford called (our national nightmare( if Tom had "een #ept on as The Ne" )ork Times 4ashington 0ureau chief in 67=>, instead of "eing con!erted to a columnist. The social and political pressures of the %o" would ha!e dri!en him half crazy, "ut his then emerging sense of outrage at the whole style and content of the Nixon administration might ha!e "een contagious enough, within the "ureau, to encourage a more aggressi!e #ind of co!erage among the Times reporters he would ha!e "een assigning to loo# "ehind Nixon$s facade. As it turned out, howe!er, those fascist "astards had to "e gi!en so much rope that they came close to hanging all the rest of us along with themsel!es, "efore The %ashington -ost finally filled the power !acuum created "y The Ne" )ork Times*s sluggish co!erage of those four years when Nixon and his fixers were organizing !engeful plans li#e Aohn 1ean$s list of (our enemies( to "e harassed "y the 2+S, and the Tom Charles Huston (1omestic 2ntelligence .lan( that amounted to nothing less than the creation of a 4hite House *estapo. 0ut the climate of those years was so grim that half the 4ashington press corps spent more time worrying a"out ha!ing their telephones tapped than they did a"out ris#ing the wrath of Haldeman, )hrlichman and Colson "y po#ing at the wea# seams of a Bafia style administration that "egan canni"alizing the whole go!ernment %ust as soon as it came into power. Nixon$s ca&os were ne!er su"tle' they swaggered into 4ashington li#e a con&uering army, and the climate of fear they engendered apparently neutralized The Ne" )ork Times along with all the other poc#ets of potential resistance. Nixon had to do e!erything "ut fall on his own sword "efore any"ody in the 4ashington socio political esta"lishment was willing to ta#e him on. /i#e the "lac# teenage "urglars who are terrorizing chic *eorgetown these days, Nixon con&uered so easily that he soon lost any fear of "eing caught. 4ashington police ha!e noted a strange pattern in!ol!ing "urglaries in *eorgetown and other posh neigh"orhoods in the white ghetto of the city$s northwest sector9 A home that has "een ro""ed once is far more li#ely to "e hit again than a home that has ne!er "een hit at all. Cnce they spot an easy mar#, the "urglars get lazy and prefer to go "ac# for seconds and e!en thirds, rather than challenge a new target. The police seemed surprised at this pattern "ut in fact it$s fairly traditional among amateurs or at least among the type 2 used to hang around with. A"out 6< years ago, when 2 was into that #ind of thing, 2 drifted into /exington, ,entuc#y, one e!ening with two friends who shared my tastes' we

219 mo!ed into an apartment across the street from a gas station which we "ro#e into and ro""ed on three consecuti!e nights. Cn the morning after the first hit, we stood transfixed at the apartment window, drin#ing "eer and watching the local police (in!estigating( the ro""ery. . . And 2 remem"er thin#ing, now that poor fool o!er there has pro"a"ly ne!er "een hit "efore, and what he$s thin#ing now is that his odds of "eing hit again anytime soon are almost off the "oard. Hell, how many gas stations ha!e e!er "een ro""ed two nights in a rowG So we ro""ed it again that night, and the next morning we stood at the window drin#ing "eer and watched all manner of hell "rea# loose "etween the station owner and the cops around the gas pumps across the street. 4e couldn$t hear what they were saying, "ut the proprietor was wa!ing his arms crazily and screaming at the cops, as if he suspected them of doing it. Christ, this is wonderful, 2 thought. 2f we hit the "ugger again tonight he$ll go star# ra!ing mad tomorrow morning when the cops show up. . . which was true9 Cn the next morning, after three consecuti!e ro""eries, the par#ing lot of that gas station was li#e a war zone, "ut this time the cops showed up with reinforcements. 2n addition to the two police cruisers, the lot filled up with chromeless, dust co!ered Fords and crew cut men wearing "aggy "rown suits and shoes with gum ru""er soles. 4hile some of them spo#e earnestly with the proprietor, others dusted the door#no"s, window latches and the cash register for fingerprints. 2t was hard to #now, from our window across the street, if we were watching the F02, local detecti!es or insurance agency in!estigators at wor#. . . 0ut in any case 2 figured they$d ha!e the whole station ringed with armed guards for the next few nights, so we decided to lea!e well enough alone. A"out six in the e!ening, howe!er, we stopped there and had the tan# filled up with ethyl. There were a"out six "ony faced men hanging around the office, #illing the time until dar# "y studying road maps and tire pressure charts. They paid no attention to us until 2 tried to put a dime in the Co#e machine. (2t ain$t wor#in$,( one of them said. He shuffled o!er and pulled the whole front of the machine open, li#e a "ro#en refrigerator, and lifted a Co#e "ottle out of the circular rac#. 2 ga!e him the dime and he dropped it into his poc#et. (4hat$s wrong with the machineG( 2 as#ed, remem"ering how hard it had "een to rip the "astard open with a crow"ar a"out 6@ hours earlier to reach the money "ox. (No concern of yours,( he muttered, lighting up a Bar!el and staring out at the pump where the attendant was ma#ing change for a ten dollar "ill after cleaning our windshield and chec#ing the oil. (1on$t worry,( he said. (There$s some fol#s gonna "e a lot worse off than that there machine "efore this night$s out tonight.( He nodded. $This time we$re read' for them sonsa"itches.( And they were. 2 noticed a dou"le "arreled shotgun standing in a corner "y the rac# full of oil cans. Two "ig coon hounds were asleep on the greasy linoleum floor, with their collar chains looped around the "ase of the chewing gum machine. 2 felt a &uic# flash of greed as 2 eyed the glass "ul" filled with all those red, white, "lue and green gum "alls. 4e had looted the place of almost e!erything else, and 2 felt a pang of regret at ha!ing to lea!e the gum machine untouched9 All those pennies %ust sitting there with no"ody to fondle them. . . 0ut in retrospect 2 thin# that moment was the "eginning of wisdom for me. 4e had pushed our luc# far enough with that place and the world was full of colorful gum "all machines. There was a weird and menacing edge in the man$s !oice that it too# me a long time to forget. 4e dro!e downtown and cruised around drin#ing warm "eer for a while, then we ro""ed a crowded li&uor store on Bain Street "y starting a fight with the cler#s and then cleaning out the cash register while they struggled to defend themsel!es. 4e got less than L@:: out of that one, as 2 recall a"out the same as we$d pic#ed up from three hits on the gas station and on the way out of town 2 remem"er thin#ing that may"e 2 could do something a little "etter in this life than ro""ing gas stations and li&uor stores. After ta#ing enough

220 crazy ris#s to put all three of us in prison for at least fi!e years, we had a"out L6?< apiece to show for it and a"out half of that was already spent on gas, food, "eer and hiring winos to "uy whis#ey for us "ecause we were too young to get ser!ed and the winos were charging dou"le for anything they "ought for us. That wee#end crime spree in /exington was my last haul, as they say' 2 e!en ga!e up shoplifting, which altered my lifestyle pretty se!erely for a while "ecause it had ta#en me se!eral years to master the #ind of s#ill and mental attitude it ta#es to wal# into a %ewelry store and come out with six watches, or in the front door of a ta!ern and hassle the "artender with a false 21 long enough to let a friend slip out the "ac# door with a case of Cld Forester. . . 0ut when 2 &uit that gig, 2 &uit it completely' and after 6< years on the wagon my s#ills are so hopelessly atrophied that now 2 can$t e!en steal a newspaper from an open rac# on the street. Ah. . . mother of %a""ering god, how in the hell did 2 get off on that tangent a"out teenage street crimeG This is supposed to "e a deep and serious political essay a"out +ichard Nixon. . . Although may"e that wasn$t such a tangent, after all. The original point, 2 thin#, had to do with street pun# mentality that caused Nixon to push his luc# so far that it was finally almost impossi"le not to get himself "usted. For a while he had the luc# and arrogance of a half smart amateur. From their "ase in the 4hite House, Nixon and the /.A. account execs he "rought with him treated the old line 4ashington power structure with the same #ind of contempt that young "urglars casing *eorgetown seem to ha!e for the forts of the rich and powerful or that 2 had for that poor "astard who owned the gas station in /exington. This is a !ery hard thing for professional cops, %ournalists or in!estigators to cope with. /i#e doctors and lawyers, most of the "est minds in police wor# ha!e "een trained since pu"erty to thin# in terms of patterns and precedents9 Anything original tends to ha!e the same #ind of effect on their in!estigati!e machinery as a casually mutilated punch card fed into a computer. The immediate result is chaos and false conclusions. . . 0ut "oth cops and computers are programmed to #now when they$!e "een %ammed "y a wild card or a %o#er, and in "oth cases there are usually enough competent technicians standing "y to locate the pro"lem and get the machinery wor#ing again pretty &uic#ly. +ight. . . and now we ha!e gone off on a dangerous compound tangent. And it has mushroomed into something unmanagea"le. . . 0ut "efore we ?oom off in whate!er direction might come next, it would "e unfair not to mention that the Times was the first paper to "rea# the .entagon .apers story, a command decision that forced Nixon and his would "e enforcers to come out in the open with fangs "ared, snarling threats to ha!e e!ery"ody connected with the pu"lication of the .entagon .apers either lashed into %ail or su"poenaed into so many courtrooms that all their minds would snap "efore they finally wound up in the poorhouse. As it turned out, howe!er, the Times management strapped on its collecti!e "alls and announced that they were prepared to go to the mat with Nixon on that one a surprisingly tough stance that was almost instantly "ac#ed up "y influential papers li#e the 2os Angeles Times! The %ashington -ost and the St. 2ouis -ost#,is&atch. . . And the appearance of that solid front, howe!er sha#y, caused serious turmoil in the 4hite House. Spiro Agnew was pried loose from the #ic#"ac# rac#et and sent out on the stump to stir up the Silent Ba%ority against the (radic li"s( and (li"eral elitists( of the (eastern media esta"lishment( the (nattering na"o"s of negati!ism.( AesusI Those were the days, ehG STRA"GE I"TERL $E< An A1orte- Pre-+,t+on, 5or the Re,or-. . . Gr+3 $+spat,hes 5ro3 San Cle3ente< A P+t+5ul Basket Case, a Chron+, Be-(Wetter. . . The %+ll+ona+re #elon on the #e-eral $ole. . . The Su--en "e4s 5ro3 %+ster #or%on*t 'ou fl' 1 eagle fl'

221 )ou better run little cottontail run 3 ho&e 'ou both live long enough To see the setting sun Barshall Tuc#er 0and Septem"er =th, 678; The headline in today$s %ashington -ost says +ichard Nixon is (lonely and depressed( down there in his exile hideout in San Clemente. He suc#s eggs for "rea#fast and wanders "ac# and forth on the "each, spitting fre&uently into the surf and "rooding a"out some !icious .olac# whose name he can$t remem"er. . . Some low life friend of Aohn Connally from Houston' the same white haired little "ugger who caused all the trou"le with the Supreme Court, and now he has a runaway *rand Aury full of uppity niggers who in Nixon$s own words (want to pic# the carcass.( 2ndeed. . . 4hat the hell is a carcass good for anyway, except to pic# atG *naw the s#ull, suc# the "ones, then soa# the "astard with gasoline and toss a match on it. AesusI How much more of this cheap%ac# "ullshit can we "e expected to ta#e from that stupid little gunselG 4ho gi!es a fuc# if he$s lonely and depressed out there in San ClementeG 2f there were any such thing as true %ustice in this world, his rancid carcass would "e somewhere down around )aster 2sland right now, in the "elly of a hammerhead shar#. 0ut, no he is sitting out there in the imitation leather lined study of his oceanside estate, still guarded constantly "y a detail of Secret Ser!ice agents and still communicating with the outside world through an otherwise unemploya"le L;:,::: a year mouthpiece named +on Piegler. . . and still tantalizing the national press with the same #ind of shrewdly programmed lea#s that ser!ed him so well in the last months of his doomed presidency. . . (He$s terri"ly depressed, with much to "e depressed a"out,( says a friend. (Anyone would "e depressed in his situation. 2 don$t mean he$s going off the deep end. 2 %ust mean that e!erything happened to him, seemingly all at once, and he doesn$t #now what to do a"out it.( 4ell. . . shuc#s. 2$d "e tempted to put my mind to the tas# of helping the poor "astard figure out (what to do a"out( this cruel nutcrac#er that he somehow stum"led into. . . "ut 2 ha!e a powerful suspicion that pro"a"ly that gang of mean niggers in 4ashington has already sol!ed Nixon$s pro"lem for him. They are going to indict the "astard and try to put him on trial. Nixon #nows this. He is not the #ind of lawyer you$d want to hire for anything serious, "ut the reality of his situation !is a !is the 4atergate grand %ury is so "lea# that e!en he has to grasp it. . . and this is the reason, 2 thin#, for the more or less daily front page comments on his half mad and pathetically crippled mental condition. He has de!ised another one of his famous fourth down game "rea#ers the same #ind of three fisted "rainstorm that climaxed with his decision to defuse the whole impeachment process "y releasing his own !ersion of (the tapes,( or the time he figured out how to put a &uic# lid on the 4atergate "urglary in!estigation "y "laming the whole thing on Aohn 1ean. According to one 4ashington topsider, widely respected as an unimpeacha"le source and a shrewd %udge of presidential character9 (1ic# Nixon is in a league all "y himself when you$re tal#ing a"out style and grace under pressure. His instincts when the crunch comes are a"solutely amazing.( No"ody will argue with that although his strategy since lea!ing the 4hite House has "een mar#ed "y an unnatural focus on su"tlety. The sa!age warrior of old now confronts us in the guise of a pitiful, frightened old pol a whipped and "ro#en man, totally at the mercy of his enemies and "affled "y the firestorm of disasters that dro!e him out of the 4hite House. 4hich may e!en "e partially true9 He will pro"a"ly go to his gra!e "elie!ing he was not reall' guilty of anything except underestimating the power of his enemies. . . 0ut the fact remains

222 that Aawors#i will !ery li#ely "rea# the news of Nixon$s formal indictment "efore this article appears on the newsstands, and when that happens there will "e only one man in the country with the power to ar"itrarily short circuit the legal machinery that in theory could land +ichard Nixon in the same cell"loc# with Aohn 1ean. That man is *erald Ford, "ut he will ha!e a hard time %ustifying a "lan#et presidential pardon for an admitted felon without at least the a&&earance of a ground swell of pu"lic sympathy to "ac# him up. So we may as well get "raced for a daily dose of extremely grim news out of San Clemente, once Nixon is formally indicted. 4e will hear reports that the ex president fre&uently "ursts into tears for no reason at all, that he utters heartrending screams e!ery night in his sleep, and the 2os Angeles $erald#8 aminer will &uote an unnamed (prominent 0e!erly Hills psychiatrist( who will descri"e Nixon as a (pitiful "as#et case( and (a chronic "edwetter.( And if Ford still seems reluctant to let Nixon go free, we will start seeing front page (exclusi!e photos( of Nixon alone on the "each, staring soulfully at the sunset with tears drooling out of his eyes. 2t will "e a carefully orchestrated pu"lic relations campaign in the classic Nixon tradition. Piegler will hold daily press "riefings and read finely crafted descriptions of the former president$s pitiful condition from the typewriter of +ay .rice, Nixon$s former chief speechwriter at the 4hite House. 0oth .rice and .at 0uchanan, the left and right for#s of Nixon$s tongue e!er since he decided to ma#e his mo!e on the 4hite House "ac# in 67=<, showed up at the San Clemente fortress in early Septem"er, "oth insisting they had %ust come out to say hello and (chec# up on the old man.( As it happened, howe!er, they "oth appeared a"out the same time rumors "egan surfacing in New Hor# a"out a L@ million ad!ance that Nixon had "een offered for his memoirs. Neither .rice nor 0uchanan claimed to #now anything definite a"out the "oo# offer, "ut in New Hor# Spiro Agnew$s literary agent was telling e!ery"ody who as#ed that the Nixon deal could "e closed momentarily for at least L@ million and may"e more. That is a hell of a lot of money for an'bod'*s memoirs e!en people who might reasona"ly "e expected to tell the truth. 0ut e!en a ridiculously fraudulent !ersion of his fi!e and a half wretched years in the 4hite House and his own twisted !iew of the scandal that finished him off would "e an automatic "est seller if the "oo# "uying pu"lic could "e conned somehow into "elie!ing +ichard Nixon was actually the author. Beanwhile, with either .rice or 0uchanan or "oth standing ready to write his memoirs for him, Nixon was pondering an offer from Reader*s ,igest to sign on as a (consulting editor( at a salary of L6::,::: a year. . . And Thursday of that wee#, .resident Ford made headlines "y urging the Congress to appropriate L><:,::: to co!er Nixon$s pension, li!ing expenses and other costs of the painful transition from the 4hite House to San Clemente. 4hen the L><:,::: runs out, he will ha!e to scrimp until Auly 6st of next year, when he will pic# up another L;::,::: that will ha!e to last him until Auly 6st, 678=. For as long as he li!es, +ichard Nixon will "e on the federal dole fore!er at L;::,::: a year L=:,::: pension, L7=,::: to co!er his personal staff salaries, L;:,::: for tra!el, L@6,::: to co!er his telephone "ills and L6::,::: for (miscellaneous.( Cn top of his L?::,::: annual expense account, Nixon$s @; hour a day Secret Ser!ice protection will cost the taxpayers "etween L<:: and L6::: a day for as long as he li!es a conser!ati!e figure, considering the daily cost of things li#e helicopters, patrol "oats, wal#ie tal#ies and car telephones, along with salaries and li!ing expenses for ten or 6@ full time agents. There is also the L;:,::: a year +on Piegler still commands, as a ran#ing pu"lic ser!ant. Add another L?:,::: to L<:,::: each for personal aides li#e Stephen 0ull and +ose Bary 4oods, plus all their li!ing and tra!el expenses and the cost of maintaining +ichard Nixon in exile adds up to something li#e L8<:,::: a year. . . and these are merely the e &enses. His personal income will presuma"ly deri!e from things li#e the L@ million ad!ance on his memoirs, his L6::,::: a year stipend from +eader$s 1igest, and the L<::: a crac# he can a!erage, with no effort at all, on the

223 year round lecture circuit. So. . . what we are loo#ing at here is a millionaire ex president and admitted felon' a congenital thief and pathological liar who spent @> years on the pu"lic sugar tit and then &uit %ust in time to a!oid the axe. 2f he had fought to the "itter end, as he$d promised Aulie he would (as long as e!en one senator "elie!es in me,( he ris#ed losing a"out 7<X of the L;::,::: annual allowance he "ecame &ualified for under the (Former .residents$ Act( "y resigning. . . 0ut a president who gets impeached, con!icted and dragged out of the 4hite House "y -.S. marshals is not co!ered "y the (Former .residents$ Act.( 2f Nixon had fought to the end and lost which had "ecome a"solutely ine!ita"le "y the tune he resigned he would ha!e forfeited all "ut a"out L6<,::: a year from the federal dole. . . So, in retrospect, the reason he &uit is as easy to see as the num"ers on his personal "alance sheet The difference "etween resignation and "eing #ic#ed out of office was a"out L?><,::: a year for the rest of his life. Bost of this annual largesse will come, one way or another, out of the poc#ets of the taxpayers. All of the taxpayers. )!en *eorge and )leanor Bc*o!ern will contri"ute a slice of their income to +ichard Nixon$s retirement fund. . . And so will 2, unless Aawors#i can nail the "astard on enough felony counts to strip him not only of his right to !ote, li#e Agnew, "ut also his #ey to the "ac# door of the Federal Treasury which is not !ery li#ely now that Ford has done e!erything "ut announce the date for when he will grant the pardon. The 4hite House announced yesterday a negotiated agreement with +ichard B. Nixon under which the former president and the -.S. go!ernment will ha!e %oint custody of 4hite House tapes and presidential documents "ut with Br. Nixon determining who shall ha!e access to them. 2n the letter of agreement ma#ing him the (sole legal owner of the papers and tapes until their future donation to the go!ernment,( Br. Nixon specifically asserted his legal title to (all literary rights( accompanying possession of the materials. Br. Nixon has reportedly "een told that a "oo# of memoirs would "e worth at least L@ million. The %ashington -ost! Septem"er 7th, 678; .resident Ford !irtually made up his mind fi!e days ago to grant a pardon to former .resident +ichard B. Nixon. Cn 4ednesday, presidential counsel .hilip 0uchen met with Her"ert Biller, Nixon$s attorney, at the 4hite House and disclosed that Ford was considering executi!e clemency. 4ould Nixon accept a pardonG 0uchen as#ed. Biller responded that he did not #now, according to 0uchen. 0ut after chec#ing with Nixon "y telephone the ex president was at his home in San Clemente, California Biller reported that a pardon was accepta"le. 4ith that, the pardon was set, though Ford was una"le to announce the pardon pu"licly until yesterday morning "ecause it too# se!eral days to complete the arrangements. The %ashington Star#Ne"s! Septem"er 7th, 678; Cnly ten days ago, in the first formal press conference of his administration, Br. Ford had said that it would "e (unwise and untimely( of him to ma#e any commitment to a pardon until legal action was ta#en. 0ut the president was aware that political reaction was "uilding in fa!or of prosecution of Br. Nixon, a point dramatically confirmed "y a *allup .oll last wee# which showed that <=X of the American people thought that Br. Nixon should "e tried while only ?8X opposed such action. The %ashington -ost! Septem"er 7th, 678; Po4er5ul %en Brou*ht Weep+n* to The+r /nees. . . The St+nk+n* Real+t+es o5 R+,har-

224 "+8on.s Pla,e +n H+stor0. . . The %ush4+t Son(ln(La4 an- the Last Tape TH) )T .+)S21)NTS *2FTS To the )ditor9 The letter of Syl!ia 4allace EAugust @?rdF, warning that (we may yet see a Nixon renascent,( caused me such gra!e concern that 2 immediately consulted the ineffa"le wisdom of the 3 /hing for some clue to the future of Br. Nixon. 2 was unerringly directed to the .o Hexagram and the learned commentaries thereon. The "oo# confirmed my worst fears9 (2ts strong su"%ect, notwithstanding the attempts against him, sur!i!es and ac&uires fresh !igor. The people again cherish their so!ereign and the plotters ha!e wrought to their own o!erthrow.( The (legal steps( that your correspondent suggests to pre!ent Nixon$s re"irth could pro!e woefully ineffecti!e. 2 suggest that, after hanging, the "ody "e drawn, &uartered and "urned and the ashes "uried in an unmar#ed gra!e in a distant field guarded "y an elite corps, lest his hardcore followers come and steal the remains and proclaim9 He is risenI .leaseI 2f Br. Nixon regains popular fa!or, it will not "e through any (re!isionism( or rewor#ing of the facts supporting the charges of guilt. 2t will pro"a"ly "e that coming e!ents will force a careful re e!aluation of his contri"utions to the nation and crystallize an awareness of the misfortune suffered "y the nation in the loss of his special gifts in these critical times. 4e may come to feel li#e the shepherd who had no sooner "een conned "y some pointy eared gentleman into getting rid of his mean, tough sheep dog "ecause of its fleas than the wol!es reappeared on the scene. Theodore .. 1aly Somers, New Hor# /etters to the )ditor The Ne" )ork Times Septem"er ;th, 678; A prominent San Clemente supporter of Br. Nixon since he went to Congress in 67;=, who as#ed not to "e identified, said he had heard that the /incoln Clu" of Crange County, made up largely of wealthy industrialists who contri"uted millions of dollars to +epu"lican campaign coffers, including Br. Nixon$s, had in!ited the former president to "ecome a mem"er of the select and influential group. (Hou won$t find Br. Nixon li!ing the life of a recluse,( the +epu"lican informant said. (Now that he is clear of any criminal prosecution, don$t "e surprised if he comes "ac# into California politics. 2 thin# he should. 2$d li#e to see him run for Senator Aohn D. Tunney$s seat in 678=.( The Ne" )ork Times! Septem"er 7th, 678; 4e are still too mired in it now to fit all the pieces together and understand what really happened in these last two frenzied years. . . or to grasp that the +eal Beaning of what our new president calls the (national nightmare( and what historians will fore!er refer to as (4atergate( will pro"a"ly emerge not so much from the day to day e!ents of The Crisis, or e!en from its traumatic resolution "ut more from what the sur!i!ors will e!entually understand "as &revented from ha&&ening. 2 was out there on the crowded concrete floor of the Biami 0each Con!ention Center in August of 678@ when that howling mo" of +epu"lican delegates confirmed +ichard N#on$s lust for another term in the 4hite House with their constant, thunderous chant of (FC-+ BC+) H)A+SI FC-+ BC+) H)A+SI FC-+ BC+) H)A+SI( 2t was "ad enough, %ust listening to that demagogic swill "ut 2 dou"t if there were more

225 than a dozen people in Biami that wee# who really understood what that cheap, demented little fascist pun# had in mind for his Four Bore Hears. 2t in!ol!ed the systematic destruction of e!erything this country claims to stand for, except the rights of the rich to put saddles on the "ac#s of the poor and use pu"lic funds to "uild %ails for any"ody who complained a"out it. The tip of the ice"erg "egan emerging a"out six months after Nixon too# his second oath of office, when Senator Sam )r!in too# his initially harmless loo#ing (4atergate Committee( act on national TD. 2t didn$t catch on, at first' the networ#s were deluged with letters from angry housewi!es, cursing )r!in for depri!ing them of their daily soap operas "ut after two or three wee#s the Senate 4atergate hearings were the hottest thing on tele!ision. Here, "y god, was a real soap opera' tragedy, treachery, weird humor and the constant suspense of ne!er #nowing who was lying and who was telling the truth. . . 4hich hardly mattered to the !ast audience of political innocents who soon found themsel!es as hoo#ed on the all day hearings as they$d pre!iously "een on the soaps and the &uiz shows. )!en Hollywood scriptwriters and apolitical actors were fascinated "y the dramatic pace and structure of the hearings. The massi!e complexities of the e!idence, the raw drama of the daily confrontations and the decepti!ely elfin humor of (Senator Sam( came together in the multile!eled plot that offered something to almost e!ery"ody from "leeding hearts and .erry Bason fans to S3B frea#s and the millions of closet Hell$s Angels whose sole interest in watching the hearings was the spectacle of seeing once powerful men "rought weeping to their #nees. Consider Aohn Bitchell, for instance a millionaire 4all Street lawyer and close friend of the president, an arrogant, triple chinned +oman who was Nixon$s campaign manager in $=> and attorney general of the -nited States for four years until his old "uddy put him in charge of the Committee to +e elect the .resident in 678@. . . Here was a =6 year old man with more money than he could count and so much power that he saw nothing unusual in treating the F02, the Secret Ser!ice and e!ery federal %udge in the country li#e serfs in his pri!ate police force. . . who could summon limousines, helicopters or e!en Air Force Cne to ta#e him anywhere he wanted to go "y merely touching a "uzzer on his des#. . . And suddenly, at the !ery pinnacle of his power, he casually puts his initials on a memo proposing one of at least a dozen or so routine election year "its of (underco!er wor#( and se!eral months later while ha!ing "rea#fast in the .olo /ounge of the 0e!erly Hills Hotel, he gets a phone call from some yo yo named /iddy, whom he "arely #nows, saying that four Cu"ans he$s ne!er e!en met ha!e %ust "een caught in the act of "urglarizing the office of the 1emocratic National Committee located in an office "uilding a"out @:: yards across the plaza "elow his own "alcony in the 4atergate apartments. . . 4hich seems li#e a "ad %o#e, at first, "ut when he gets "ac# to 4ashington and drops "y the 4hite House to see his old "uddy, he senses that something is wrong. 0oth Haldeman and )hrlichman are in the C!al Cffice with Nixon' the president greets him with a ner!ous smile "ut the other two say nothing. The air ree#s of tension. 4hat the hell is going on hereG Bitchell starts to sit down on the couch and call for a drin# "ut Nixon cuts him off9 (4e$re wor#ing on something, Aohn. 2$ll call you at home later on, from a pay phone.( Bitchell stares at him, then pic#s up his "riefcase and &uic#ly says good"ye. Aesus ChristI 4hat is thisG Cn the way out to the limousine in the 4hite House dri!eway, he sees Ste!e 0ull$s secretary reading a late edition of The %ashington Star#Ne"s and idly snatches it out of her hands as he wal#s "y. . . Boments later, as the "ig Cadillac rolls out into traffic on .ennsyl!ania A!enue, he glances at the front page and is startled "y a large photo of his wife' she is pac#ing a suitcase in the "edroom of their 4atergate apartment. And next to the photo is a headline saying something li#e (Bartha on the +ampage Again, 1enounces $1irty 0usiness$ at 4hite House.( (*ood *odI( he mutters. The Secret Ser!ice man in the front seat glances "ac# at him for a

226 moment, then loo#s away. Bitchell scans the story on Bartha9 She has frea#ed out again. 4here does she #eep getting that goddamn speedG he wonders' her eyes in the photo are the size of mar"les. According to the story, she called -.2 reporter Helen Thomas at four in the morning, cursing incoherently a"out (Bister .resident( and saying she has to get out of 4ashington at once, go "ac# to the apartment in New Hor# for a few days of rest. 4onderful, Bitchell thin#s. The last thing 2 need right now is to ha!e her screaming around the apartment all night with a head full of "ooze and speed. Bitchell hates speed. 2n the good old days, Bartha would %ust drin# herself into a stupor and pass out. . . 0ut when they mo!ed down to 4ashington she "egan go""ling a pill here and there, %ust to stay awa#e at parties, and that$s when the trou"le started. . . Then his eyes shift up to the lead story and he suddenly feels his "alls contract !iolently, crawling straight up into his "elly. (4AT)+*AT) 0-+*/A+H CCNN)CT)1 TC 4H2T) HC-S),( says the headline, and in the first graph of the story he sees the name of ). Howard Hunt, which he recognizes instantly and a few graphs lower, goddamnit, is *ordon /iddy$s name. No need to read any further. Suddenly it all ma#es sense. He hears himself moan and sees the agent glance "ac# at him again, saying nothing. He pulls the paper up in front of his face, "ut he is no longer reading. His finely tuned lawyer$s mind is already racing, flashing "ac# o!er all the connections9 phone calls to Hunt, arguments with /iddy, secret meetings in ,ey 0iscayne, /arry C$0rien, Cu"an "urglars with C2A connections, Howard Hughes. . . He is fuc#ed. 2t has ta#en less than ?: seconds for his "rain to connect all the details. . . And yes, of course, that$s what Nixon was tal#ing a"out with those "astards, Haldeman and )hrlichman. They #new. The president #new. Hunt and /iddy #new. . . 4ho elseG 1ean, BagruderG /a+ueG How many othersG The limousine slows down, ma#ing the turn off Dirginia A!enue and into the 4atergate dri!eway. 2nstincti!ely, he glances up at the fifth floor of the office "uilding and sees that all the lights are still on in C$0rien$s office. That was where it had happened, right here in his own goddamn fortress. . . His mind is still racing when the agent opens the door. (Here we are, sir. Hour luggage is in the trun#' we$ll "ring it right up.( Aohn Bitchell crawls out of the "right "lac# Cadillac limousine and wal#s li#e a zom"ie through the lo""y and into the ele!ator. 1ic# will "e calling soon, he thin#s. 4e$ll ha!e to act fast on this goddamn thing, isolate those dum" "astards and ma#e sure they sta' isolated. The ele!ator stops and they wal# down the soft, red carpeted hall to his door. The agent goes in first to chec# all the rooms. Bitchell glances down the hall and sees another Secret Ser!ice man "y the door to the fire exit. He smiles hello and the agent nods his head. Aesus ChristI 4hat the hell am 2 worried a"outG 4e$ll ha!e this thing wrapped up and "uried "y ten o$cloc# tomorrow morning. They can$t touch me! goddamnit. They wouldn$t dareI The agent inside the apartment is gi!ing him the all clear sign. (2 put your "riefcase on the coffee ta"le, sir, and your luggage is on the way up. 4e$ll "e outside "y the ele!ator if you need anything.( (Than#s,( Bitchell says. (2$ll "e fine.( The agent lea!es, closing the door softly "ehind him. Aohn Bitchell wal#s o!er to the TD console and flips on the e!ening news, then pours himself a tall glass of scotch on the roc#s and stretches out on the sofa, watching the tu"e, and waits for Nixon to call from a pay phone. He #nows what that means and it has nothing to do with dimes. That was Aohn Bitchell$s last peaceful night in 4ashington. 4e will pro"a"ly ne!er #now exactly what he and Nixon tal#ed a"out on the telephone, "ecause he was careful to ma#e the call from one of the 4hite House phones that was not wired into the tape recording system. . . Bitchell had not "een told, officially, a"out the president$s new tape toy' the only people who #new a"out it,

227 officially, were Nixon, Haldeman, /arry Hig"y, Ste!e 0ull, Alex 0utterfield and the three Secret Ser!ice agents responsi"le for #eeping it in order. . . 0ut unofficially almost e!ery"ody with personal access to the C!al Cffice had either "een told on the sly or #new +ichard Nixon well enough so they didn$t need to "e told. . . 2n any case, there is enough testimony in the files of the Senate 4atergate committee to suggest that most of them had their own recording systems and taped most of what they said to each other, anyway. Neither Aohn )hrlichman nor Charles Colson, for instance, were (officially( aware of the stunningly sophisticated networ# of hidden "ugs that the Technical Security 1i!ision of the Secret Ser!ice had constructed for .resident Nixon. According to Alex 0utterfield$s testimony in closed hearings "efore the House Audiciary Committee, Nixon told Chief SS agent 4ong to ha!e his electronics experts wire e!ery room, des#, lamp, phone and mantelpiece inside the 4hite House grounds where The .resident was li#ely e!er to utter a word of more than one sylla"le on any su"%ect 2$!e "een using tape recorders in all #inds of %ournalistic situations for almost ten years, all #inds of e&uipment, ranging from ten inch studio reels to raisin sized mini "ugs "ut 2 ha!e ne!er e!en seen anything li#e the system 4ong$s Secret Ser!ice experts rigged up for Nixon in the 4hite House. 2n addition to dozens of wireless, !oice acti!ated mi#es a"out the size of a pencil eraser that he had "uilt into the woodwor#, there were also custom "uilt sensors, delay mechanisms and (stand"y( switches wired into telephones that either 0ull or 0utterfield could acti!ate. 2n the Ca"inet +oom, for instance, Nixon had microphones "uilt into the "ases of the wall lamps that he could turn on or off with harmless loo#ing "uzzers la"eled (Haldeman( and (0utterfield( on the rug underneath the ca"inet ta"le in front of his chair. The tapes and recording e&uipment were installed in a loc#ed closet in the "asement of the 4est 4ing, "ut Nixon could start the reels rolling "y simply pressing on the floor "uzzer mar#ed (0utterfield( with the toe of his shoe and to stop the reels, putting the machinery "ac# on stand"y, he could step on the (Haldeman( "utton. . . Any serious description of Nixon$s awesome tape recording system would ta#e thousands of words and "oggle the minds of most laymen, "ut e!en this &uic# capsule is enough to suggest two fairly o"!ious "ut rarely mentioned conclusions9 Any"ody with this #ind of a tape system, installed and maintained @; hours a day "y Secret Ser!ice electronics experts, is going to consistently produce extremely high &uality !oice reproductions. And since the 4hite House personnel office can hire the "est transcri"ing typists a!aila"le, and pro!ide them with the "est tape transcri"ing machinery on the mar#et, there is only one concei!a"le reason for those thousands of maddening, strategically spotted (unintelligi"les( in the Nixon !ersion of the 4hite House Tapes. Any ,elly *irl agency in the country would ha!e gi!en Nixon his money "ac# if their secretaries had done that #ind of damage to his transcripts. Sloppiness of that magnitude can only "e deli"erate, and Nixon is #nown to ha!e personally edited most of those tape transcripts "efore they were typed for the printer. . . 4hich doesn$t mean much, now that Nixon$s !ersion of the transcripts is no longer potential e!idence "ut sloppy artifacts that are no longer e!en interesting to read except as an almost criminally inept contrast to the !astly more detailed and coherent transcripts that House Audiciary Committee transcri"ers produced from the same tapes. The only people with any reason to worry a"out either the implications of those "utchered transcripts or the ham fisted criminal who did the final editing %o"s are the editors at whiche!er pu"lishing house decides to pay +ichard Nixon L@ million for his presidential memoirs, which will "e hea!ily dependent on that !ast haul of C!al Cffice tapes that *erald Ford has %ust decreed are the personal property of +ichard Nixon. He will ha!e the final edit on those transcripts, too %ust "efore he sends the final draft of his memoirs to the printer. The finished "oo# will pro"a"ly sell for L6<' and a lot of people will "e stupid enough to "uy it. The second and more meaningful aspect !is U !is Nixon$s tape system has to do with the way he used it. Bost tape frea#s see their toys as a means to "ug other people, "ut Nixon had the SS

228 technicians install almost e!ery concealed "ug in his system with a #een eye for its proximity to +ichard Nixon. According to 0utterfield, Nixon was so o"sessed with recording e!ery mo!e and moment of his presidency for the history "oo#s that he often seemed to "e thin#ing of nothing else. 4hen he wal#ed from the 4hite House to his office in the )C0, for instance, he would carry a small tape recorder in front of his mouth and maintain a steady con!ersation with it as he mo!ed in his stiff legged way across the lawn. . . And although we will ne!er hear those tapes, the mere fact that he was constantly ma#ing them, for reasons of his own, confirms Alex 0utterfield$s o"ser!ation that +ichard Nixon was so "ewitched with the fact that he really was The -resident that his only sense of himself in that %o" came from the moments he could somehow record and s&uirrel away in some safe place, for tomorrow night or the ages. There is a "leeding #ind of irony in this unnatural o"session of Nixon$s with his place in history when you realize what must ha!e happened to his mind when he finally realized, pro"a"ly sometime in those last few days of his doomed presidency, %ust exactly what #ind of place in history was e!en then "eing car!ed out for him. 2n the way it is usually offered, the sleazy little argument that (Nixon has "een punished enough( is an ignorant, hac# politician cliche. . . 0ut that image of him wal#ing aw#ward and alone across the 4hite House lawn at night, o"li!ious to e!erything in front or on either side of him except that little "lac# and sil!er tape recorder that he is holding up to his lips, tal#ing softly and constantly to (history,( with the "rittle intensity of a madman9 4hen you thin# on that image for a while, remem"er that the name Nixon will seem to gi!e off a strange odor e!ery time it is mentioned for the next ?:: years, and in e!ery history "oo# written from now on, (Nixon( will "e synonymous with shame, corruption and failure. No other president in American history has "een dri!en out of the 4hite House in a cloud of disgrace. No other president has "een forced to preside o!er the degrading collapse of his own administration or "een forced to stand aside and watch helplessly and also guiltily while some of his close friends and ran#ing assistants are led off to %ail. And finally, no president of the -nited States has e!er "een so !ulnera"le to criminal prosecution, so menaced "y the threat of indictment and trial, crouched in the doc# of a federal courtroom and so o"!iously headed for prison that only the sudden grant of presidential pardon from the man he appointed to succeed him could pre!ent his final humiliation. These are the stin#ing realities that will determine +ichard Nixon$s place in American history. . . And in this ugly context, the argument that (+ichard Nixon has "een punished enough( ta#es on a different meaning. He will spend many nights "y himself in his study out there in San Clemente, listening o!er and o!er to those tapes he made for the ages and half remem"ering the feel of thic# grass on the +ose *arden lawn adding a strange new spring to his wal#, e!en ma#ing him tal# a "it louder as he ma#es his own #notty, plastic #ind of lo!e to his sweet little Aapanese "ride, telling it o!er and o!er again that he really is The .resident, The Bost .owerful Ban in the 4orld and goddamnit, you "etter ne!er forget thatI +ichard Nixon is free now. He "argained wisely and well. His arrangement with Ford has wor#ed nicely, despite that wee# or so of "ad feeling when he had to get a little rough with *erry a"out the pardon, threatening to call in the 2.A. Times man and play that &uic# little tape of their con!ersation in the C!al Cffice the one where he offered to ma#e *erry the !ice president, in exchange for a presidential pardon whene!er he as#ed for it and he had #nown, "y then, that he would pro"a"ly need it a lot sooner than *erry realized. Cnce their arrangement was made Eand tapedF, Nixon %ust rode for as long as he could, then got off in time to sign up for his lifetime dole as a former president. He will rest for a while now, then come "ac# to haunt us again. His mushwit son in law,

229 1a!id )isenhower, is urging him to run for the -.S. Senate from California in 678=, and +ichard Nixon is shameless enough to do it. Cr if not in the Senate, he will turn up somewhere else. The only thing we can "e a"solutely sure of, at this point in time, is that we are going to ha!e +ichard Bilhous Nixon to #ic# around for at least a little while longer. Rolling Stone ;<<<! Ccto"er 6:,678;

PART @

Tra2eler Hears %ounta+n %us+, Where It.s Sun*

+enfro Dalley, ,y. The 0luegrass country is cold and "rown in the winter. Night comes early and the horses are ta#en inside to sleep in heated "arns. The farmers sit around pot "ellied sto!es and pass the time with a "an%o and a %ug and sometimes a "it of tal#. Not many !isitors in the winter. Not much to do, either. Here in +oc# Castle county the "iggest e!ent of the wee# is the Saturday night show in a little spot on the map called +enfro Dalley, a "ig "arn and a recording studio on -. S. highway @<, a"out <: miles south of /exington. Ten years ago they floc#ed to this place li#e pilgrims to the shrine not %ust from the near"y 0luegrass towns, "ut from all o!er the nation. They came for the country music and the All 1ay Sings and to get a loo# at the Cld ,entuc#y 0arn 1ance they$d heard so often on their radios at home. 2t got so "ig that 6<,::: people showed up one summer Saturday night, and a national magazine sent down a team of cameras to record the scene for posterity. Now perhaps 6<: will show up. They come down from 0erea and Cra" Crchard, and .reachers!ille, and from places li#e )gypt and Shoulder"lade across the mountains. Not many from out of state. Not e!en enough to %ustify using the "arn, which is closed until spring, when the crowds will pic# up again. Cnly the locals show up in the winter. They come with guitars and "ass fiddles and old song"oo#s, and they gather in the studio to do a radio show that you can still hear in some cities, "ut not in so many as you could a few years "ac#. The show starts around 8 and winds up at 79?: %ust a"out the time the hill"illy singers and the 0luegrass "an%o champs are warming up at *erde$s in New Hor#$s *reenwich Dillage. Fol#s around here don$t ha!e much time for strangers. Hou as# what goes on at +enfro Dalley and they shrug and say, (Not much.( Hou want to find a restaurant after > p.m. and if you can find any"ody to as# they$ll direct you to /exington, an hour$s dri!e. Hou ha!e a thirst and they tell you, (This here$s a dry county.( .ause. (Hep, dry county.( Another pause. (Bay"e if you go up the road a piece to where you find a sort of restaurant, may"e some"ody there can fix you up.(

230 So if you want entertainment in these parts, you go to +enfro Dalley and you go early. The studio is warm and the music is e!ery "it as real as the people who sing it. (4ell, now, for all you fol#s out there in radioland, 2 want to say that we got a little gal !isitin$ with us this e!enin$. /ittle 0renda 4allen, from up in 4inchester, 2 "elie!e. . .( And little 0renda sings9 (0eeyooteeful lies, "eeyooteeful lies. . . each one a heart"rea#. . . in perfect disguise. . .( Then the Hi""ard 0rothers &uartet, lean mountain faces and huge hands po#ing out of ga"ardine slee!es (C, what a time we will ha!e up in hea!en. . .( A murmur of appro!al from the audience. A flash"ul" pops near the "ac# of the room. Things are pic#ing up. The Farmer Sisters ta#e their turn at the mi#e, with a rippling !ersion of (Hou$re the +eason.( A few cheers from the crowd, a &uic# "urst of fiddle music from a man "eside the piano, then some"ody holds up a hand for silence. Time for the commercial. (This here$s a long one,( says the announcer, glancing at a yellow script in his hand, (so let$s do it all at once and get it o!er with.( Snic#ers from the audience. )!ery"ody grins as the commercial is read !ery earnestly into the mi#e that will carry it out to the *ood /ord only #nows where. The announcer finishes and hea!es a sigh of relief, also into the mi#e. )!ery"ody laughs and the show goes on. Beanwhile, the *reen"riar 0oys are tuning their instruments at *erde$s' in a few hours there will "e a long, "utton down line outside the hungry i in San Francisco, waiting to hear the latest hill"illy sensation. 2t$s 79?: in +oc# Castle county and the Cld ,entuc#y 0arn dance is o!er until next wee#. Cnly a few people remain in the studio. Cne of them is Aohn /air, a local "oy and a onetime Chicago dis# %oc#ey who came "ac# home to put +enfro Dalley on the map. +ed Foley got his start here. So did the Coon Cree# Sisters, from a place "ac# in the hills called .inch $)m Tight Holler. /air seems genuinely puzzled "y the term, (0luegrass music.( He thin#s it$s a misnomer. (2t$s plain old mountain music,( he insists. (Same stuff they$!e "een singing for more than a hundred years.( He chuc#les and sha#es his head. (Hou go up to /exington and call it 0luegrass music and you$ll ha!e a fight on your hands.( /air says goodnight and lea!es to go home. Cutside, the par#ing lot is almost empty. A !isitor has two choices dri!e up to /exington for something to eat and may"e a good fight, or hurry to the nearest motel. A few miles up the road is a town called Nicholas!ille, where motel owners won$t e!en answer the door after what they consider a decent hour. 4hen 2 stopped a man on the street and as#ed him why this was, he said he was the chief of police and offered to rent me a "ed in his house. 2 went "ac# to one of the motels, went into the office, turned on the light, pic#ed a #ey off the des# and located a ca"in "y myself. The next morning it too# me @: minutes to find some"ody to pay and then 2 was told 2 wouldn$t "e welcome there in the future "ecause my car had a license plate from /ouis!ille. They don$t care much for city "oys, specially when they$re roamin$ around late at night. 2f you dri!e thru ,entuc#y and plan to spend the night, get your room early. And if you li#e a toddy "efore "edding down, remem"er that >= of the 6@: counties are "one dry until you ma#e friends. *rog shops are few and far "etween, and a man without foresight will usually go to "ed thirsty. 4inter mornings are "lea#. Almost always you wa#e up to a gray s#y and a good country

231 "rea#fast9 fried sausage or ham, fried eggs, fried potatoes, and a plate of "iscuits with "utter and apple %elly. Then, after a pot of coffee, you mo!e on. No matter which way you go you$ll dri!e thru a lot of cold, "arren country to get there. North, thru the heart of the 0luegrass, west toward /ouis!ille, east into the mountains, or south to Tennessee. Not much speed on those narrow highways, plenty of time to loo# off across the white fences and wonder how the cows find anything to eat in the frozen fields. Time to listen to the sermons on the radio or the lonely thump of a shotgun somewhere "ac# from the road. Not much to hurry a"out in the 0luegrass, specially in the winter when the trees are "are and the "arns are white with frost and most fol#s are inside "y the sto!e. The /hicago Tribune! Fe"ruary 6>, 67=@

A #ootloose A3er+,an +n a S3u**lers. $en

2n .uerto )strella, Colom"ia, there is little to do "ut tal#. 2t is difficult to say %ust what the !illagers are tal#ing a"out, howe!er, "ecause they spea# their own language a tongue called *ua%iro, a "it li#e Ara"ic, which doesn$t ring well in a white man$s ear. -sually they are tal#ing a"out smuggling, "ecause this tiny !illage with thatched roof huts and a total population of a"out 6:: South American 2ndians is a !ery important port of entry. Not for humans, "ut for items li#e whis#y and to"acco and %ewelry. 2t is not possi"le for a man to get there "y licensed carrier, "ecause there are no immigration officials and no customs. There is no law at all, in fact, which is precisely why .uerto )strella is such an important port. 2t is far out at the northern tip of a dry and roc#y peninsula called /a *ua%ira, on which there are no roads and a great deal of o!erland truc# traffic. The truc#s carry contra"and, hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of it, "ound for the interiors of Colom"ia and Denezuela. Bost of it comes from Aru"a, "rought o!er at night on fast trawlers and put ashore at .uerto )strella for distri"ution down the peninsula on the truc#s. 2 arri!ed at dus# on a fishing sloop from Aru"a. And since there is no har"or 2 was put ashore in a tiny row"oat. A"o!e us, on a sharp cliff, stood the entire population of the !illage, staring grimly and without much o"!ious hospitality at .uerto )strella$s first tourist in history. 2n Aru"a, the *ua%iro 2ndians are descri"ed as (fierce and crazy and drun# all day on coconut whis#y.( Also in Aru"a you will hear that the men wear (nothing "ut nec#ties, #notted %ust "elow the na!el.( That sort of information can ma#e a man uneasy, and as 2 clim"ed the steep path, staggering under the weight of my luggage, 2 decided that at the first sign of unpleasantness 2 would "egin handing out nec#ties li#e Santa Claus three fine paisleys to the most menacing of the "unch, then start ripping up shirts. As 2 came o!er the "rin# of the cliff, a few children laughed, an old hag "egan screeching, and the men %ust stared. Here was a white man with 6@ Han#ee dollars in his poc#et and more than L<:: worth of camera gear slung o!er his shoulders, hauling a typewriter, grinning, sweating, no hope of spea#ing the language, no place to stay and somehow they were going to ha!e to deal with me. There was a conference, and then a small man stepped forward and made motions indicating that 2 should put my gear on an ancient truc# which started with a cran#. 2 was ta#en to an a"andoned hospital, where 2 was gi!en a sort of cell with a filthy mattress and "ro#en windows to let in the air.

232 There is not much for the tourist in .uerto )strella, no hotels, restaurants, or sou!enirs. Nor is the food palata"le. Three times a day 2 faced it lea!es, maize, and se!erely salted goat meat, ser!ed up with muddy water. The drin#ing was a pro"lem too, "ut in a different way. At the crac# of dawn on the day after my arri!al 2 was awa#ened and ta#en "efore a %ury of !illage "igwigs. 2ts purpose was to determine the meaning of my presence. These gentlemen had gathered in the only concrete "loc# house in town, and "efore them on the ta"le was a cellophane wrapped "ottle of Scotch whis#y. After an hour or so of gestures, a few words of Spanish, and ner!ous demonstrations of my camera e&uipment, they seemed to feel a drin#ing "out was in order. The Scotch was opened, fi!e %iggers were filled, and the ceremony "egan. 2t continued all that day and all the next. They tossed it off straight in %iggers, solemnly at first and then with mounting a"andon. Now and then one of them would fall asleep in a hammoc#, only to return a few hours later with new thirst and !igor. At the end of one "ottle they would proudly produce another, each one "eautifully wrapped in cellophane. As it turned out, three things made my !isit a success. Cne was my size and drin#ing capacity Eit was fear a man tra!eling alone among reportedly sa!age 2ndians dares not get drun#F' another was the fact that 2 ne!er turned down a re&uest for a family portrait Efear, againF' and the third was my (lifelong ac&uaintance( with Aac&ueline ,ennedy, whom they regard as some sort of goddess. 4ith the exception of a few sophisticates and local "igwigs, most of the men wore the nec#tie a *ua%iro !ersion of the time honored loin cloth. The women, again with a few exceptions, wore dull and shapeless long "lac# gowns. A good many of the men also wore two and three hundred dollar wrist watches, a phenomenon explained "y the strategic location of .uerto )strella and the peculiar nature of its economy. 2t would not "e fair to say that the 2ndians ar"itrarily ta#e a healthy cut of all the contra"and that passes through their !illage, "ut neither would it "e wise to arri!e and start as#ing pointed &uestions, especially since anyone arri!ing on his own is wholly dependent on the good will of the 2ndians to get him out again. Trying to lea!e can turn a man$s hair white. Hou are simply stuc# until one of the 2ndians has to run some contra"and down the peninsula to Baicao. There is nothing to do "ut drin#, and after <: hours of it 2 "egan to lose hope. The end seemed to "e nowhere in sight' and it is "ad enough to drin# Scotch all day in any climate, "ut to come to the tropics and start "elting it down for three hours each morning "efore "rea#fast can "ring on a general failure of health. 2n the mornings we had Scotch and arm wrestling' in the afternoons, Scotch and dominoes. The "rea# came at dus# on the third day, when the owner of a truc# called the .ower 4agon rose a"ruptly from the drin#ing ta"le and said we would lea!e immediately. 4e had a last round, shoo# hands all around, and sho!ed off. The truc# was fully loaded, and 2 rode in "ac# with my gear and a young 2ndian girl. The dri!e from .uerto )strella to Baicao is 6: to 6@ hours, depending on which rut you ta#e, "ut it seems li#e ;: days on the rac#. Cn top of the heinous discomfort, there is the distinct possi"ility of "eing attac#ed and shot up "y either "andits or the law. As far as the /ontrabandista is concerned, one is as "ad as the other. The smugglers tra!el armed "ut they put their faith in speed, punishing "oth truc# and passengers unmercifully as they roar through dry ri!er "eds and across long !eldt li#e plains oh a dirt trac# which no con!entional car could e!er na!igate. 4e rum"led into Baicao at three in the afternoon. They dropped me at the airport, where my luggage was thoroughly searched "y a sa!age loo#ing gendarme "efore 2 was allowed on the plane

233 for 0arran&uilla. An hour later, there was another search at the 0arran&uilla airport. 4hen 2 as#ed why, they replied 2 was coming from an area called *ua%ira, #nown to "e populated "y #illers and thie!es and men gi!en o!er to li!es of crime and !iolence. 2 had a feeling that no"ody really "elie!ed 2 had "een there. 4hen 2 tried to tal# a"out *ua%ira, people would smile sympathetically and change the su"%ect. And then we would ha!e another "eer, "ecause Scotch is so expensi!e in 0arran&uilla that only the rich can afford it. National 1bserver! August =, 67=@

Wh0 Ant+(Gr+n*o W+n-s !5ten Blo4 South o5 the Bor-er

Cne of my most !i!id memories of South America is that of a man with a golf clu" a fi!e iron, if memory ser!es dri!ing golf "alls off a penthouse terrace in Cali, Colom"ia. He was a tall 0ritisher, and had what the 0ritish call (a stylish pot( instead of a waitsline. 0eside him on a small patio ta"le was a long gin and tonic, which he refilled from time to time at the near"y "ar. He had a good swing, and each of his shots carried low and long out o!er the city. 4here they fell, neither he nor 2 nor anyone else on the terrace that day had the !aguest idea. The penthouse, howe!er, was in a residential section on the edge of the +io Cali, which runs through the middle of town. Somewhere "elow us, in the narrow streets that are lined "y the white ado"e "loc#houses of the ur"an peasantry, a strange hail was rattling on the roofs golf "alls, (old practice duds,( so the 0ritisher told me, that were (hardly worth dri!ing away.( 2n the wee#s that followed, when 2 "ecame more aware of the attitude a good many Colom"ians ha!e towards that nation$s Anglo Saxon population, 2 was glad no"ody had traced the source of those well hit mashies. Colom"ians, along with their Denezulean neigh"ors, may well "e the most !iolent people on the continent, and a mixture of insult and in%ury does not ran# high as a national dish. 2t is dou"tful that the same man would dri!e golf "alls off a rooftop apartment in the middle of /ondon. 0ut is not really surprising to see it done in South America. There, where the distance "etween the rich and the poor is so !ery great, and where Anglo Saxons are automatically among the elite, the concept of no"lesse o"lige is su"%ect to odd interpretations. The attitude, howe!er, does not go unnoticed' the nati!es consider it "ad form indeed for a foreigner to stand on a rooftop and dri!e golf "alls into their midst. .erhaps they lac# sporting "lood, or may"e a sense of humor, "ut the fact is that they resent it, and it is easy to see why they might go to the polls at the next opportunity and !ote for the man who promises to rid the nation of (arrogant gringo imperialists.( 4hether the candidate in &uestion is a fool, a thief, a Communist, or e!en all three does not matter much when emotions run high and few elections south of the +io *rande are won on the "asis of anything "ut "latant appeals to popular emotion. The North American presence in South America is one of the most emotional political &uestions on the continent. 2n most countries, especially Argentina and Chile, there is a considera"le )uropean presence as well. 0ut with recent history as it is, when the winds of anti gringo opinion "egin to "low, they "low due north, toward the -nited States, which to the /atin American is more easily identifia"le with capitalism and imperialism than any other country in the world. 4ith this in mind, a tra!eler in South America gets one shoc# after another at the stance generally ta#en "y his fellow gringos and sometimes a worse shoc# at the stance he ta#es himself.

234 Cne young American put it this way9 (2 came down here a real gung ho li"eral, 2 wanted to get close to these people and help them "ut in six months 2 turned into a hardnose conser!ati!e. These people don$t #now what 2$m tal#ing a"out, they won$t help themsel!es, and all they want is my money. All 2 want to do now is get out.( 2t is a sad fact that li!ing for any length of time in a /atin American country has a tendency to do this to many Americans. To a!oid it ta#es tremendous adapta"ility, idealism, and faith in the common future. Ta#e the example of a young man named Aohn, a representati!e in a /atin American country for an international relief organization. His wor# consists mainly in distri"uting surplus food to the poor. He wor#s hard, often going out on field trips, for three or four days of rough dri!ing, "ad food, primiti!e li!ing, and dysentery. 0ut the people he has to wor# with "other him. He can$t understand why the principal of a "ac# country school would steal food earmar#ed for the pupils and sell it to speculators. He can$t understand why his warehouse lying in the middle of a district where food is distri"uted regularly is constantly "eing looted "y the !ery people who were standing in line the wee# "efore to get their regular share. He "roods on these things and wonders if he is really accomplishing anything, or %ust "eing ta#en for a suc#er. Then, one day when he is in a particularly "ad mood o!er some new e!idence of callousness or corruption, he hears "elow his window the shouting of a mo". A man is standing on the steps of a fountain, shouting hoarsely a"out (the rights of the people( and what should "e done to secure them. And the crowd happily roars an answer (down with the capitalist swineI( Cur man, standing at his window, suddenly loses his temper and sha#es his fist. Aba4o del &ueblos+ he yells. Beaning, (1own with the people.( Then he &uic#ly duc#s "ac# inside. 0ut the /atin family next door, standing at their window, hears the gringo a"using the crowd. 4ord gets around, and se!eral days later our man is insulted as he wal#s to the corner cantina for a pac# of cigarillos. He spea#s good Spanish, and curses "ac#, not understanding why his neigh"ors are no longer friendly. 0ut it ma#es him e!en more "itter, and once the tide starts running in that direction, it is hard to re!erse. Cne day a new American appears in town, a trainee for one of the -nited States "an#s that ha!e "ranches in South America. Cur man Aohn meets him at the Anglo American Clu" and, in the course of con!ersation, tells him what to expect from the nationals (a "unch of rotten ingrates, stupid and corrupt to the last man.( The newcomer hears other gringos say the same #ind of thing. At night, in his new and unfamiliar apartment, he "egins to thin# the neigh"ors are ma#ing noise on purpose, to wear on his ner!es. Soon he is as "itter as most of the others. 4hen the ine!ita"le "an# stri#e comes along as it does at regular inter!als in most /atin American countries our newcomer ta#es the ad!ice of an older gringo employee and shows up at wor# with a pistol, which he puts on his des# li#e a paperweight to show the employees he means "usiness. The reaction of the nationals hardly needs to "e cataloged. Cur trainee is chal#ed up as one more "it of two legged e!idence that gringos are !icious fools. The net result as far as "oth Aohn and the young "an#er are concerned is a grie!ous set"ac# for the hope that North and South America will come to understand each other, and thus a!oid a split up that would wrec# the 4estern Hemisphere. The young American in a /atin American country faces other hazards. For one thing, he has to contend with the American colony that "looms in e!ery city of any size. Americans li!ing in /atin American countries are often more sno""ish than the /atins themsel!es. The typical American has &uite a "it of money "y /atin American standards, and he

235 rarely sees a countryman who doesn$t. An American "usinessman who would thin# nothing of "eing seen in a sport shirt on the streets of his home town will "e shoc#ed and offended at a suggestion that he appear in +io de Aaneiro, for instance, in anything "ut a coat and tie. The same man often no more than ?: years old might ha!e "een li!ing in a prefa"ricated tract house in the States, "ut in +io he will li!e on Copaca"ana "each with two maids, ser!ants$ &uarters, and a "alcony o!erloo#ing the sea. Some people say that the American is fouling his own image in South America that instead of "eing a showpiece for (democracy,( he not only tends to ape the wealthy, antidemocratic /atins, "ut sometimes "eats them at their own game. Suddenly finding himself among the elite, the ner!ous American is determined to hold his own and, unli#e the genuine aristocrat who ne!er dou"ts his own worth, the newcomer to status see#s to pro!e it at e!ery turn. Cthers, though, repeat the old, familiar, (4hen in +ome, do as the +omans do.( 2n South America, so the thin#ing goes, the lower classes ha!e no grasp of e&uality and ta#e informality for wea#ness. So the only alternati!e is to ma#e them respect you. (2 #now it$s silly to shout at the maid e!ery time she ma#es a mista#e,( said one American housewife in 0razil. (0ut she$s lazy and 2 want her to #now 2$m watching her. 4ith these people, it$s either discipline or anarchy.( Another pro"lem that plagues the gringo is drin#. 0ecause he ne!er really feels at home in a foreign language' "ecause his income is usually em"arrassingly large "y local standards' "ecause he worries continually a"out "eing cheated whene!er he "uys anything' "ecause he ne!er gets o!er the feeling that most upper class /atins consider him a "oo" from a country where e!en the "oo"s are rich' and "ecause he can ne!er understand why people don$t seem to li#e him for what he is %ust a good guy who feels a "it out of place among these strange surroundings and customs "ecause of all these tensions and many more of the same #ind, he tends to drin# far more than he does at home. (To relax( is the usual excuse, "ut sometimes there is almost no choice. 2n +io, for instance, the e!ening traffic %ams are so "ad that getting from the "usiness district out to Copaca"ana where (e!ery"ody( li!es is almost impossi"le "etween the hours of < and >. Cne of the first things a new arri!al is told is9 (2f you can$t get out of town "y fi!e, forget a"out it and settle down to serious drin#ing until eight.( This hiatus in the day is termed (the drin#ing hour.( 4ith many people, the (drin#ing hour( soon "ecomes a necessary ha"it. Sometimes it leads to disaster. Cften an American will arri!e home "ro#e and "leary eyed at ? or ; in the morning, still lugging his "riefcase and cursing the long gone traffic. 0ecause of things li#e the drin#ing hour and other, purely local, situations, a man returning to the States after a stay in /atin America is often struc# dum" "y the &uestion, (4hat can we do a"out that placeG( He has no idea, "ecause he has ne!er had time enough to relax and gi!e it much thought. His concern has "een sur!i!al. C"%ecti!ity is one of the first casualties of (culture shoc#( a term for the malady that appears when a North American, with his heritage of .uritan pragmatism, suddenly finds himself in a world with different traditions and a different outloo# on life. 2t is an odd feeling to return from a year in South America and read a "oo# "y some expense account politician who toured the continent in six wee#s and spo#e only with presidents, ca"inet ministers, and other (leading figures( li#e himself. The pro"lems and the issues suddenly "ecome &uite clear as they ne!er were when you were right there in the midst of them. Now, loo#ing "ac# on that man with the golf clu", it is easy to see him as a fool and a "east. 0ut 2 recall &uite well how normal it seemed at the time, and how surprised 2 would ha!e "een if any of the dozen people on the terrace had %umped up to protest. National 1bserver! August 67, 67=?

236

$e3o,ra,0 $+es +n Peru, 1ut #e4 See3 to %ourn Its Pass+n*

The (death of democracy( has not left much of a !acuum in .eru. 2t was more li#e the death of some"ody$s old uncle, whose name had "een familiar in the household for many years, "ut who died, where he had always li!ed, in some far off town the family ne!er &uite got around to !isiting although they had always meant to, or at least that$s what they said. 2f there is one profound reality in .eru!ian politics it is the fact that this country has a"solutely no democratic tradition, and any attempt to introduce one is going to meet !iolent opposition. The people who need democracy don$t e!en #now what the word means' the people who #now what it means don$t need it and they don$t mind saying so. 2f the Alliance for .rogress re&uires that democracy in .eru "ecome a fact instead of %ust a pleasant word, then the Alliance is in for rough sledding too. This is the "asis of the current (misunderstanding( "etween 4ashington and /ima. 2f the .eru!ian people were as concerned a"out democracy as is .resident ,ennedy, this country would right now "e in the throes of a !iolent ci!il war. 4hat happened in /ima on Auly 6> was more than enough to touch off armed conflict in many countries of the world, "ut democracy has ne!er "een a reality in .eru, and for that reason it goes largely unmourned' especially in /ima, which !oted hea!ily for the return of an ex dictator. Cn Auly @;, the un elected go!ernment of .eru issued a 1ecree /aw, assuming all executi!e and legislati!e powers, and the third largest country in South America passed officially into the hands of the military. The second largest, Argentina, had pro!ided an easy to follow example some fi!e months "efore. Next on the list, according to current speculation in 4ashington and other Hemisphere capitals, will "e Denezuela and what might "e precipitated "y 0razil$s congressional elections in Ccto"er is any"ody$s guess. 2t re&uires little guesswor#, howe!er, to see what this trend means for the Alliance for .rogress, and also for the future of democracy in South America. The outloo# is dreary at "est, and as the pressure from 4ashington mounts the reaction will mount %ust as fast. .eru was a good example. )!en so, after all these months of tension, all this tal# and campaigning, all the space de!oted in newspapers to the .eru!ian elections, a !isitor to /ima arri!es with a feeling that there is "ound to "e some e!idence that the whole thing was a "ust that it was all a put up %o", "ecause the Armed Forces did exactly what they said they were going to do all along. 4hen the American .opular +e!olutionary Alliance EA.+AF won the recent elections, the military called it a (fraud,( too# o!er the go!ernment, annulled what was undenia"ly the most honest and least fraudulent election in .eru$s history, and installed a four man %unta that is a military dictatorship no matter which way you loo# at it. Het life goes on in /ima as if nothing had happened. The e!ening streets are full of pretty girls and slic# haired men in "usiness suits, the opulent shops that flan# the trolleys on A!enida .eirola are full of sil!er and alpaca and the soft rustle of money changing hands, and the all night cantinas still sound as if their frenzied &isco swilling patrons had a"andoned all hope of e!er seeing another dawn. This is /ima, democracy or no democracy, dictators or no dictators. The city is full of people, in fact, who say that what happened is precisely nothing at all. They point out that the people in power now are those who ha!e always "een in power and that those faces on the outside, loo#ing in, are the same faces that ha!e "een there for as long as anyone in .eru can remem"er. 2t is foolish,

237 they say, to tal# a"out the Aunta (seizing the reins,( "ecause the Aunta is nothing more than a dress uniform !ersion of the same power "loc that has held the reins for centuries. 2t is only in times of crisis that it puts on the %ac#"oots and goes into the street with truncheons. 2n times of peace it wears mufti and "usies itself with other, less militant pursuits primarily that of maintaining itself in the style to which it has long "een accustomed. 2t is as old as the 2ncas and e!ery "it as ruthless with opposition. 2ts counterpart in the -.S. has "een la"elled The .ower )lite. 2n .eru it is called the Forty Families, an all powerful aristocracy that ma#es its North American cousin loo# wea# and tame "y comparison. (That$s what ,ennedy doesn$t understand,( explained one /ima "ased American "usinessman. (Hou %ust can$t ha!e democracy down here. The people don$t understand it. /oe" was the same way9 he went out to the fut"ol game and sat down in the grandstand with the common people 2 saw him myself, with his feet propped up on the rail and the top of his hose showing why, they thought he was crazy. 2t was a"solutely incomprehensi"le, e!en to the people he was trying to ma#e friends with. 2f you want to get anywhere down here, you ha!e to ma#e people respect you.( Howe!er sad a commentary that may "e on a lot of things American "usinessmen included it is sadder still "ecause there is a lot of truth in it. From the "eginning of their history the .eru!ian people ha!e "een conditioned to understand that these are only two #inds of human "eings in this world the 2ns and the Cuts, and a !ast gulf in "etween. 2n a "oo# called The Ancient /ivili?ations of -eru you read that (The 2nca state insured the people against hunger, exploitation, undue hardship and all #inds of want, "ut regimented them rigorously and left them no choice, independence or initiati!e. . . There was a large class of no"les and priests, supported "y the masses. Hea!y tri"ute in the form of la"or was demanded of the peasants, who profited !ery little from it.( That was in 6;?>, and little has changed since then except that the peasants are no longer insured against hunger, exploitation, undue hardship and all #inds of want. There is ample e!idence of all those conditions e!en in /ima, which differs from the rest of .eru much li#e Banhattan differs from the mountains of eastern ,entuc#y. The strange assumption in /ima$s "usiness community Americans and .eru!ians ali#e is that .resident ,ennedy would %oin them in their endorsement of The System in .eru (if he could only understand it, and stop paying so much attention to /oe".( -.S. Am"assador Aames 2saac /oe" is undou"tedly the most second guessed man in recent .eru!ian history. There is not a man at the 0an#ers$ Clu", among other places, who cannot tell you where he went wrong and exactly what he should ha!e done instead. The most common criticism is that he tried to force feed democracy to a people who had not the faintest idea what he was tal#ing a"out. The nominal chief of the Aunta, *eneral Banuel .erez *odoy, has flatly called /oe" (an Aprista,( which is tantamount now to "eing called an enemy of the state. He is sure to "e declared (persona non grata( if he returns to /ima, and in "usiness circles it is /oe" who draws most of the "lame for the -.S. refusal to recognize the Aunta. The general sentiment is that ,ennedy has "een (misled.( *en. .erez is of the same mind' in a recent statement on the -.S. stand, he called the whole thing (a misunderstanding.( *en. .erez has impressed foreign %ournalists in /ima with his uni&ue feeling for words and their fundamental meanings. He is no mean orator, and in his first statement after the ta#eo!er he explained it this way9 (4e ha!e seen a fraudulent electoral process in which not e!en the most "asic and elementary rights of the citizens ha!e "een respected. The Armed Forces ha!e seen with pain, with anxiety, with tight lips and dry eyes, this sacrifice of our people, of our country, of our future.( The fact that the Armed Forces had "een a"le to dig up only 8: fraudulent "allots out of a total of some @ million did not deter *en. .erez from going on TD to amplify and reiterate his feelings.

238 $To the hum"le, to the forgotten wor#er, to the !oter who has "een depri!ed in many cases of the elementary social, economic and cultural "enefits, it is now "eing attempted to ta#e from him also his only hope that of gaining the progress and social %ustice he deser!es, to wipe out his li"erty to !ote with fraud. (4e will not consent to it. A military imperati!e forces on us the hard o"ligation of assuming the functions of go!ernment that normally should "e in ci!ilian hands, in order to esta"lish peace, order and respect for the laws that rule the repu"lic. (4e are stirred "y a great am"ition to sa!e democracy.( )arlier in the same speech *en. .erez had tal#ed of (the great electoral fraud,( said (the people ha!e "een grossly cheated,( accused the National )lections 0oard of an attempt (to co!er up this conduct,( and explained that ex .resident .rado then languishing on a prison ship had showed a (lac# of o"%ecti!ity( for not ha!ing annulled the elections himself. This was a little hard for some people to ta#e, nota"ly those =::,::: or so hum"led and forgotten !oters who had cast their "allots for A.+A and 1r. Dictor +aul Haya de la Torre. *en. .erez drew praise, howe!er, from those &uarters where it had not "een pre!iously understood that democracy is "est preser!ed "y installing a military dictatorship. He was also admired for his elo&uent attac# on those who would tamper with the people$s right to express themsel!es "y means of the "allot. 4hat is more than o"!ious in /ima is that the "iggest fraud in the whole affair was the military$s attempt to explain and %ustify the coup. 2t is hard to find anyone who seriously "elie!es they too# o!er "ecause of (a great electoral fraud.( The National )lections 0oard, a group of respected %urists with no ties to A.+A, in!estigated the charges and found that, although there had "een isolated cases of false registration and multiple !oting, the sum of the infractions was far too small to ha!e any effect on the outcome. .resident .rado agreed and was exiled to .aris for his efforts when the military decided to "ac# its charges with a Sherman tan# and a -.S. trained ranger "attalion. The Aunta has scheduled new elections for Aune 7, 67=?, "ut the only people in /ima who seem to "elie!e it are taxi dri!ers, hotel cler#s and a !aried assortment of small %o"holders who !oted for *en. Banuel Cdria, dictator from 67;> to 67<=. 2n the circle most heartily in agreement with the ta#eo!er namely, the "usiness and finance community the "etting is against elections next year. (These "oys are in to stay,( said the president of a -.S. "usinessmen$s society. (Cnce they get the taste of sugar on their tongues they$re not going to gi!e it up.( Nor was he much alarmed "y the prospect. (These people are li#e children,( he explained. (They$ll complain all day a"out discipline, "ut deep down they li#e it. They need it. (/et$s "e smart a"out it,( he added. (The rich people are running this country. They$re running the country "ac# home. 4hy not face facts and "e than#ful for what sta"ility we ha!eG These people are anti Communist. /et$s recognize the Aunta, #eep the aid flowing, and get on with it.( He smiled indulgently. (4e thin# young ,ennedy up there %ust flew off the handle. Now he$s out on a lim" and he doesn$t #now how to get "ac#.( Nearly e!ery"ody who wears a tie in /ima feels the same way. 0usiness is good in .eru it is the only South American country without a "alance of payments deficit and the !ested interests want to #eep it that way. )!en the taxi dri!er, who is ma#ing a good li!ing "ecause there are enough people on the streets with money in their poc#ets, does not particularly care who sits in the .residential .alace as long as they don$t upset the apple cart. This is what almost happened. A.+A is more than %ust another political party' it is a genuine threat to a way of life that was <:: years old when the -.S. was "orn. To say that the ta#eo!er came simply "ecause of the military$s longstanding feud with A.+A is to gloss o!er the fact that the entire ruling class in .eru regards A.+A as more dangerous than communism. A.+A has an ally in the Alliance for .rogress and therefore an ally in the -.S. Communism has ne!er "een more than a

239 minor threat in .eru and is more a con!enient whipping "oy than anything else. 2f anyone has carried the "attle to the Communists, it is Haya de la Torre. Cne of his most popular campaign slogans was (A.+A, siI Communismo, noI( Fernando 0elaunde Terry, who finished second in the presidential race, was not noted for any sa!age tirades against the +ed Benace. Nor was *en. Cdria. /ocal Communists, howe!er, ha!e gi!en the Aunta their full fledged support, although the party is still illegal and will undou"tedly remain that way. A.+A, primarily "ecause of its appeal to the millions of !oteless, illiterate 2ndians, is "y long odds the main threat to .eru$s status &uo. At the moment, the party is still reeling from the %olt of ha!ing its hard fought election !ictory annulled. 4hen the soldiers pulled out of the Casa del .ue"los EHouse of the .eopleF which is A.+A$s head&uarters, the place was a total wrec#. Cn August 8, after two wee#s of occupation, it was returned to the party, and a !ast, silent crowd was on hand to !iew the remains. There were "ullet holes in the walls and ceiling, doors and windows had "een smashed and party records destroyed, and the entire "uilding nearly a city "loc# of offices and facilities was a sham"les of glass, "ro#en furniture and water soa#ed paper. Among the smashed or stolen items were9 the only dentist drill, all medicine from the clinic and drugs from the pharmacy, typewriters, a radio transmitter, all phonograph records, sculpture in the art wor#shop, instruments for the children$s "and, food and plates from the dining hall, records from the credit union, and %ust a"out e!erything else that human "eings could put to any use at all. Those who passed through the Casa del .ue"los that night, in what seemed li#e a huge funeral procession, could not "e num"ered in that alleged (!ast ma%ority( of .eru!ians who (fully support the Aunta.( The air was hea!y with "itterness and defeat. They were anxious to #now what the -.S. was going to do a"out the ta#eo!er, and the only American there could only sha#e his head and say that it was too early to tell, although it seemed ine!ita"le that the hue and cry for recognition would sooner or later ha!e its effect. This is the other side of the (misunderstanding.( A.+A represents some =::,::: of .eru$s @,:::,::: !oters, plus a !ast ma%ority of the <? percent of the population which neither reads, writes nor !otes. Haya de la Torre got 6;,::: more !otes than any other candidate, and in a democratic country a man who did that well could expect to ha!e at least some say in the go!ernment. 2n .eru, howe!er, the figures don$t necessarily add up to the score. The will of the people is su"%ect to the !eto of that class for which armies ha!e "een the strong right arm e!er since armies were in!ented. To these people, democracy means chaos. 2t will loosen their grip on the national purse strings, shatter the foundations of society, and send the ra""le pouring into the !aults. A whole way of life would collapse if democracy "ecame a reality in .eru. The military ta#eo!er was no accidental trodding on 4ashington$s toes. 2t was a step ta#en with full deli"eration and plenty of warning "eforehand. The military and the oligarchy which supports the military were, and still are, "ound and determined not to let A.+A get its hands on the throttle. 2t follows then, that if the -.S. reaction to the ta#eo!er is a misunderstanding, the whole Alliance for .rogress is a misunderstanding, "ecause the Alliance is "ased rather firmly on the assumption that .rogress will not come at the expense of democracy. Br. ,ennedy has said this o!er and o!er again, "ut it is a concept that has not gained wide acceptance in .eru. Not among the people who count, anyway. National 1bserver! August @8, 67=@

The In,a o5 the An-es< He Haunts the Ru+ns o5 H+s !n,e(Great E3p+re

240 /u?co! -eru. 4hen the cold Andean dus# comes down on Cuzco, the waiters hurry to shut the Denetian "linds in the lounge of the "ig hotel in the middle of town. They do it "ecause the 2ndians come up on the stone porch and stare at the people inside. 2t tends to ma#e tourists uncomforta"le, so the "linds are pulled. The tall, oa# paneled room immediately seems more cheerful. The 2ndians press their faces "etween the iron "ars that protect the windows. They tap on the glass, hiss, hold up strange gimcrac#s for sale, plead for (monies,( and generally ruin the tourist$s appetite for his ine!ita"le .isco Sour. 2t wasn$t always this way. -ntil 6<?@ this city of crisp air and cold nights in the Andes Bountains ser!ed as the gold rich capital of the 2nca empire, the 2ndian society that South American expert Harold Cs"orne has called (the only ci!ilization which has succeeded in ma#ing the Andes genuinely ha"ita"le to man.( Bany of Cuzco$s "uildings still rest on 2nca foundations massi!e walls of stone that ha!e lasted through ;:: years of wars, looting, erosion, earth&ua#es, and general neglect. Today, the 2ndian is as sad and hopeless a specimen as e!er wal#ed in misery. Sic#, dirty, "arefoot, wrapped in rags, and chewing narcotic coca lea!es to dull the pain of reality, he limps through the narrow co""lestone streets of the city that once was the capital of his ci!ilization. His culture has "een reduced to a pile of stones. Archeologists point out it$s an interesting pile, "ut the 2ndian doesn$t ha!e much stomach for po#ing around in his own ruins. 2n fact, there$s something pathetic a"out an 2ndian child leading you across a field to see what he calls ruinas. For this ser!ice he wants (monies,( and then he$ll "e &uiet unless you aim a camera at him, which will cost you a"out 6: cents a shot. .ro"a"ly one 2ndian in a thousand has any idea why people come to Cuzco to loo# at ruinas. The rest ha!e other things to thin# a"out, li#e getting enough to eat, and this has made Cuzco one of the continent$s li!eliest hot"eds of Communist agitation. Communist inspired (peasant uprisings( are old hat in Cuzco, dating "ac# to the early 67;:s. 2ndeed, they$re familiar all o!er .eru. At one point during 4orld 4ar 22, Communists too# o!er Cuzco and "uilt a giant hammer and sic#le out of whitewashed stones on a hill o!erloo#ing the city. The pattern hasn$t changed too much since then. /ast winter peasant leader Hugo 0lanco organized an 2ndian militia in the Con!encion Dalley near here and carried out a series of hit and run harassments. At a"out the same time, there were stri#es and fighting at the -nited States owned Cerro de .asco mines. 0ut the phenomenon is restricted neither to the cities nor to .eru alone. 2t$s also seen in the countryside and in the other two Andean countries, )cuador and 0oli!ia. Cf the three nations, only 0oli!ia has made any attempt to "ring the 2ndians into the national life. .eru has ta#en some ner!ous and tentati!e steps, and )cuador has done almost nothing. Het the com"ined populations of the three countries total some 6>,<::,:::, of which a"out 6: percent are white. A"out ;: per cent are pure 2ndian, and the rest are mixed "lood cholos! or mesti?os. 2f the 2ndians and cholos %oin and de!elop their full power, the shape of northern South America may ne!er "e the same. Communism, though, isn$t the only persuasion that can rouse the normally placid 2ndians to !iolence. Another is the powerful chicha "eer, the Andes$ answer to home "rew, which they drin# in hea!y amounts. 2n 67<? an anthropological field sur!ey in 0oli!ia reported 787 "ottles were consumed in one pro!ince for e!ery adult man and woman, an a!erage of @Z "ottles a day. Another agitating influence is extreme conser!atism. Cne example9 /ast fall in )cuador, a

241 sanitation unit from the -.N. sponsored Andean 2ndian Bission was attac#ed "y 2ndians who$d "een told the men were (Communist agents.( A doctor and his assistant were #illed, and the doctor$s "ody was "urned. The )cuadorian press, pointing out the Communists certainly didn$t tell the 2ndians the -.N. officials were (Communist agents,( called the incident (a tragic conse&uence of the ri!alry "etween the extreme left and the extreme right to win 2ndian support.( This incident and many others li#e it were "lamed on conser!ati!e elements opposed to land reform or any other change in the status &uo. The example of 0oli!ia has shown that once the 2ndian "egins !oting, he has little common cause with large landowning or industrial interests. Thus the "est hope for the status &uo is to #eep the 2ndian ignorant, sic#, po!erty stric#en, and politically impotent. And the 2ndians, li!ing mainly on a "arren plateau that ranges from 6:,::: feet a"o!e sea le!el in )cuador to 6<,::: in 0oli!ia E1en!er, "y contrast, is <,@>: feet a"o!eF, are curiously recepti!e to this conser!atism. )!er since the Spaniards$ destruction of his empire in the mid Sixteenth Century, the 2ndian has !iewed all change as for the worse except, sometimes, the changes ad!ocated "y his Communist inspired (peasant leaders.( The word (go!ernment,( for him, has "een synonymous with (exploitation.( A fine old 2ndian tradition, now on the wane, was to greet all strangers with a hail of stones, "ecause they in!aria"ly meant trou"le. -ntil !ery recently any man arri!ing on (official "usiness( might ha!e meant an entire !illage was "eing sent into the mines to la"or for the rest of their li!es. )!en when con!inced some"ody is trying to help him, the 2ndian is loath to change his ways. Arnaldo San%ines, a 0oli!ian wor#ing for the 2nter American Agricultural Ser!ice in /a .az, tells of stopping at a tiny farm to demonstrate a steel plow to an 2ndian using the same primiti!e plow his ancestors used <:: years ago. The old man tried the new plow and was o"!iously con!inced of its superiority, "ut finally handed it "ac#. (Ah, senor,( he said, (this is a wonderful plow, "ut 2 li#e my old wooden one and 2 thin# 2 will die with it.( Br. San%ines sha#es his head sadly as he tal#s of the 6@ years he has spent with the ser!ice, trying to con!ince the 2ndians to gi!e up their ancient methods of farming. Cne of the main stum"ling "loc#s, he says, is that the 2ndian li!es almost entirely outside the money economy' he exists, as he always has, on a system of "arter. Cne 2ndian, after wal#ing for miles to a !illage mar#et, returned home to say he$d "een cheated out of all his produce "ecause all he got for it was money. There is a sharp distinction, howe!er, "etween (city 2ndians( and those who stay in the mountains. From 0ogota south, the Andean cities are o!errun with 2ndian "eggars, who ha!e no &ualms a"out lying on a downtown sidewal# and gra""ing at the legs of any passers "y who loo# prosperous. Cne of the most effecti!e groups now wor#ing with the 2ndians in 0oli!ia is the Bary#noll Fathers, a Catholic order "ased in /a .az. Says one priest9 (0oli!ia hasn$t got a chance unless the 2ndians %oin the country. 4e$re ma#ing some progress here more than the others, anyway. 2n .eru and )cuador all they do is ma#e the necessary concessions.( 2n 67<8, Father +yan, one of the Bary#noll !eterans, started Radio -enas! which "roadcasts lessons in Spanish to the millions of 2ndians who spea# only Muechua or Aymara. 4ith ?,::: fixed fre&uency recei!ers, donated "y 0loomingdale$s in New Hor#, the Bary#nollers ha!e taught a"out 8,::: 2ndians in the past fi!e years to spea# the language of the country. There is one class a day, "ut it is difficult to get the 2ndians to tune in at the right hour, "ecause they tell time "y the sun. The focus of the (2ndian pro"lem( is .eru the golden magnet that "rought the Spaniards to South America in the Sixteenth Century. E2n the first six months of the con&uest, Francisco .izarro

242 and his men looted 2nca temples of o!er L@::,:::,::: in gold ornaments, which they melted and sent "ac# to Spain.F .eru was the scene of most of the con&uest$s "loody "attles. 2n .eru, .izarro chose to "uild /ima, his (City of ,ings( from which the Spanish Diceroys ruled the Andes until they were dri!en out in 6>@6. Today the (wealth of the Andes( is no longer gold, "ut the political power lying dormant in the 2ndian population. This explains the long and "itter struggle for 2ndian support "etween .eru$s Communists and the American .opular +e!olutionary Alliance EA.+AF, the country$s "roadest "ased political party. 0oli!ia$s 67<@ re!olution against dictatorial interests too# the 2ndian pressure off that country' it ga!e the 2ndian land, a !ote, and at least the "eginnings of a say in the go!ernment. Nor does )cuador seem immediately menacing' the "oiling point there pro"a"ly is still se!eral years away. 0ut in .eru the pressure is on as it ne!er has "een "efore, and the main pressure point is here in Cuzco. And whoe!er consolidates 2ndian support in this nation will not only rule .eru "ut will influence e!ents in 0oli!ia and )cuador. Today in Cuzco, though, tourists still wander a"out town and pay ragged 2ndians to pose for photos. They still ta#e the little train to Bachu .icchu to loo# at the fa"led ruinas. They still sit in the comforta"le old hotel and drin# .isco Sours while the waiters pull the "linds. 0ut the 2ndians are still outside the windows, and if recent e!ents are any indication, they are getting tired of ha!ing the "linds pulled on them. National 1bserver! Aune 6:, 67=?

Braz+lshoot+n*
+io 1) AAN)2+C. 0razilian police ha!e a reputation for extreme leniency, and the 0razilian army is said to "e the most sta"le and democratically inclined in all of /atin America, "ut in recent wee#s the administration of (%ustice( has ta#en on a new loo# in 0razil, and many people are "eginning to wonder %ust what the army and the police exist for. Cn a recent night, with the temperature at its normal 7< and air conditioners humming all o!er the city, an American %ournalist was awa#ened "y a telephone call at ;9?: in the morning. 2t was a friend, calling from the nightclu" district of Copaca"ana. (*et down here as fast as you canI( the !oice shouted. (0ring your cameraI The Army is all o!er the streets with machine gunsI They$!e "lown the 1omino all to pieces and they$re #illing people right outside the "ar where 2$m sitting we$!e loc#ed the door, "ut they may "rea# it downI( Ten minutes later the half dressed %ournalist %umped out of a ca" a "loc# away from the action. He wal#ed &uic#ly, "ut !ery casually, toward the 1omino Clu", with his camera and flashgun cradled in one arm li#e a foot"all. 2n a /atin American country ner!ous with tal# of re!olution, no man with good sense runs headlong into a shooting party, "ecause he is li#ely to get stitched across the chest with Czech machine gun slugs. 0ut at ;9;< the 1omino Clu" was &uiet. 2t is or was a well #nown clip %oint, catering mainly to American tourists and wealthy 0razilians. The lure was girls some young and pretty, others slightly piggy and painted after long years of ser!ice. Now the 1omino is a shell, a dar# room full of "ro#en glass and "ullet holes. The doorman

243 is dead' he was cut down "y gunfire as he fled toward a near"y corner. The "artender is in the hospital with a "ullet crease down the side of his s#ull, and se!eral patrons are wounded. Bost o"ser!ers say another man is dead, "ut the "odies were ta#en away so &uic#ly that no"ody can "e sure. 4hat happenedG The /orreio de ManhO! one of +io$s "est papers, explained it this way9 2n an editorial entitled, (0attlefield Copaca"ana,( the paper said9 (Copaca"ana was the scene of a military operation on Friday. A detachment of paratroopers under the command of two lieutenants sealed off a street in order to assault a nightclu" with machine guns, hand grenades and tear gas. . .( /orreio went on to say9 (These arms ha!e "een ac&uired "y the nation with the money of taxpayers and put at the disposal of the armed forces for the defense of the country, protection of the constitutional powers, and maintenance of the legal order. . . in the Copaca"ana case, they were not used for these purposes. . .( That was not all of it. The attac# on the 1omino, carried out "y uniformed paratroopers wearing "lac# greasepaint on their faces, was a case of pure and simple !engeance. Se!eral wee#s ago an Army sergeant was "eaten to death as a result of a dispute o!er the size of his "ill in the 1omino. A few days later an Army captain stopped in the clu" to say that the Army intended to e!en the score. He was se!erely "eaten "y the doorman and se!eral others. A"out ten days passed without incident, then the Army e!ened the score. 4hen the %ournalist arri!ed, the street was cordoned off at "oth ends "y soldiers with fixed "ayonets and machine guns. Se!eral "odies some dead, others still ali!e were "eing put into truc#s. There was a large crowd around the entrance to the 1omino. The %ournalist too# a few photos, then slipped through the cordon only to "e nailed immediately "y a captain, who escorted him out. (0ut the 0razilian press is in there,( the American protested. (Bay"e so,( the Captain replied, ("ut you$re not 0razilian.( The %ournalist went around the "loc# and slipped in from the other end, "ut "y this time it was all o!er. The s#y was getting light, and se!eral "loc#s away a few early risers were out on Copaca"ana "each. 2n the middle of +ua Car!alho de Bendon[a, where the "ody of the doorman had lain, was a large smear of "lood and trampled flowers. Se!eral cars were riddled with "ullet holes. Near one corner, the crac#s in the mosaic sidewal# were filled with "lood, and there was a long smear across the sidewal# where a "ody had "een dragged to a truc# in the street. A drugstore had "ullet holes in its windows, merchandise and glass counters inside. Concrete and mar"le walls on "oth sides of the street were poc#ed with "ullet chips. Cn the sidewal# in front of the 1omino lay a hand grenade that had failed to explode. Had the grenade gone off inside the clu", it could hardly ha!e helped "ut #ill at least one American the 1omino was always full of them and the resulting furor would ha!e "een hard for 0razil to handle. )!en without the grenade, it is a wonder more people weren$t #illed in the attac#. The soldiers "urst through the door, ordered e!ery"ody to lie down on the floor, and sprayed the entire room with machine gun fire. The owner of the 1omino, who was the main target of the raid, escaped into another nightclu". Cne patron gra""ed a soldier$s weapon and shot him with it. Another patron fled, they pulled a pistol and wounded one of the pursuing soldiers. Se!eral witnesses say this man was the other dead "ody hauled off with that of the luc#less doorman. 0ut no"ody #nows for sure except the Army, and the flow of information from that &uarter has all "ut ceased. The +io police were not in on the 1omino attac#. They ha!e pro"lems of their own. 2n recent wee#s the newspapers ha!e reported a half dozen cases of police #illing !agrants and "eggars, then dumping the "odies into near"y ri!ers that flow into *uana"ara 0ay. So far two policemen ha!e "een arrested. Cne confessed, and officials assured the press that "oth would "e dismissed from the force.

244 A columnist on the Ara?il $erald! +io$s )nglish language daily, o"ser!ed that, (The method adopted "y se!eral mem"ers of the police to tac#le the social pro"lem and do away with misery "y dumping "eggars into a ri!er. . . is not meeting with general appro!al, despite undenia"le efficacy.( The Jornal do Arasil called for an immediate in!estigation, saying that policemen are suspected of (summarily applying the death penalty to indi!iduals considered "ad elements. . .( And, (The people Nof +ioO imagine the terror used in some police departments to "e normal treatment not only for dangerous criminals, "ut mere suspects and possi"ly e!en personal enemies of policemen.( Cne man !oiced the opinion that (1ismissal from the force cannot in any way "e considered cruel or unusual punishment for policemen who #ill "eggars and !agrants who "other them and get in their way while they are trying to do their %o" which mainly consists of ma#ing the rounds to collect payoffs.( 2t was also pointed out that policemen dismissed from the force often go to wor# as doormen or "ouncers for clu"s li#e the 1omino. 0razilian nightclu"s, in fact, are not #nown for an excess of patience or generosity. A ("allerina( named Baria, recently fired from a clu" in a small town near +io, made a complaint to the police, accusing the owner of the place of (transforming the "ac#yard of his %oint into a cemetery.( The girl reported that (Customers who cannot pay the "ill, or protest the amount, are in!ited to ha!e a tal# with him in the "ac#yard, where they are shot and "uried.( The police promised to in!estigate. Beanwhile, there is a lot of tal# in +io o!er the 1omino incident. 2t was not the first time that the Army has ta#en commando style !engeance on an unfriendly nightclu", "ut this was the first time anyone was machine gunned. The &uestion in most people$s minds is, (4hat nextG( Said one Copaca"ana clu" owner9 (4hat am 2 supposed to do the next time a solider causes trou"le in hereG 2 ha!e to treat him with #id glo!es or they$ll come in here and shoot me li#e an animal.( An American wondered what the reaction would "e if soldiers from Ft. ,nox, ,entuc#y, shot up a "ar in /ouis!ille where a soldier had "een cheated, "eaten or e!en #illed some wee#s "efore. (2 can$t e!en concei!e of it,( he said, ("ut if it e!er happened 2 "et they$d all hang.( Another American said, (Hell, when 2 was a lieutenant Nin the -.S. ArmyO 2 could pro"a"ly ha!e re&uisitioned two truc#s from the motor pool if 2 wanted to get "ac# at some clip %oint, "ut 2 #now damn well 2 could ne!er ha!e got two platoons of armed men to follow me.( There is the nut of the pro"lem, and one of the "iggest differences "etween the -nited States and not only 0razil, "ut all /atin American countries. 4here ci!il authority is wea# and corrupt, the Army is #ing "y default. )!en the words (Austice( and (Authority( ta#e on different meanings. After the 1omino attac#, the Jornal do Ara?il ran a follow up story, headlined9 (Army Sees No Crime in 2ts Action.( Cr, as *eorge Crwell o"ser!ed, (2n the #ingdom of the "lind, the one eyed man is #ing.( National 1bserver! Fe"ruary 66, 67=?

Chatt0 Letters $ur+n* a 9ourne0 5ro3 Aru1a to R+o

1uring the past se!en months, %ournalist Hunter S. Thompson has "een roaming through South America. His informati!e dispatches on social, economic, and political conditions there ha!e "een appearing in The National C"ser!er. 0ut there$s another side to reporting that seldom shows up in formal dispatches the personal experiences of the digging, in&uisiti!e newsman. These often gi!e fascinating insights on the land and people. 4itness these excerpts from Br. Thompson$s personal letters to his editor in 4ashington.

245 A+-0A. 2 am lea!ing "y smuggling "oat for Colom"ia in a few hours and am rushing to get this off "efore 2 go. NArticle on Aru"a, The National C"ser!er, Auly 6=.O 2t is pro"a"ly too late and too long for you, "ut 2 hope not, "ecause 2 thin# it is a good and !alid loo# at island politics, personalities, etc. 2n a"out three days 2 plan to "e in 0arran&uilla, Colom"ia. After 0arran, 2 plan to go up the Bagdalena +i!er to 0ogota, thence to .eru in time for the Aune 6: elections. 0ut this is tentati!e. 0C*CTA, CC/-B02A. Here is a sort of off"eat tra!el piece that might interest you NArticle on *ua%ira, The National C"ser!er, Aug =O. 2n Aru"a, they are pro"a"ly announcing the election results right a"out now and 2 imagine there are a lot of people digging holes in the "lea# Aru"a landscape. 2f you can thin# of anything else you might want, let me #now. 0y the time 2 get to )cuador 2 will ha!e seen most of Colom"ia at close range. 2f nothing else, 2 will ha!e a lot of photos and, hopefully, an immunity to dysentery, which is now on me in full force. The Dalencia piece NArticle on Colom"ia, The National C"ser!er, Aune @;O will "e in the mail tomorrow if they will stop ringing these "ells a mad clanging e!ery fi!e or ten minutes. Sometimes it goes on for @:, and "ounces me around the hotel room the whole while. 0etween the dysentery, the "ells, and the unceasing loudspea#ers in the street 2 am half mad. EAh, here go the "ells again.F Ten minutes of it now' a lunatic in the "elfry and worms in the stomach. 4hat a townI CA/2, CC/-B02A. By figures sent earlier on the price of Colom"ian coffee on the world mar#et are correct, "ut not nearly as dramatic as the following9 Ninety cents a pound in 67<;, ?7 cents a pound in 67=@. As 2 said, Colom"ia depends on coffee for 88 percent of its export earnings. 2ncidentally, Colom"ia gets another 6< percent of its export earnings from petroleum. That lea!es > percent as a "ase to "egin (di!ersifying( with. Not much, ehG Some good minds are %ust a"out at the end of their tether with the pro"lem. 4hile 2$m tal#ing here, the Alliance for .rogress thing is a toughie, "ecause most of the hard nose opposition to it is sul#y and silent. 2n a lot of cases, the Alliance faces a pro"lem not unli#e that of trying to con!ince Aay *ould that he is not acting in the "est interests of his country. 2ncidentally, +o%as .inilla is without dou"t the only dictator whose name is in the phone "oo# in the capital city o!er which he once held sway. He li!es in the "est section of 0ogota. CA/2, CC/-B02A. There is an alarming tendency Ein Colom"ia, anywayF to !iew the pro"lems of the local economies as essentially a thing for the Alliance to deal with. Almost li#e, (Than# *od, 0ig 0rother has finally come to the rescue let him handle it.( This is, of course, a generalization, "ut there is a lot of truth in it. Another ominous note is the attitude of a lot of American "usinessmen 2 ha!e tal#ed to (Sure, we$d li#e to help, "ut "usiness is "usiness, you #now. . .( And e!erything they say ma#es sense on at least one le!el9 Fears of ar"itrary go!ernment price controls, expropriation, mounting la"or difficulties, and the ris#s of long term in!estments !s. the near certainty of the short. M-2TC, )C-A1C+. The sun is shining to Muito, the mountains are green and spar#ling around the town, and my mind is running to high gear. Bost e!erything 2 ha!e to say, howe!er, re!ol!es in one way or another around &uestions of money. There seems to "e a uni!ersal impression that 2 am on some sort of 1i!ine 1ole, and the

246 theory that 2 often re&uire money in order to ma#e money has not gained wide acceptance. 2 trust you ha!e sufficient "ac#ground in .ersonal )conomics to grasp the full meaning of this. 2 could toss in a few hair raising stories a"out what happens to poor Han&uis who eat cheap food, or the fact that 2 caught a "ad cold to 0ogota "ecause my hotel didn$t ha!e hot water, "ut that would only depress us "oth. As it is, 2 am tra!eling at least half on gall. 0ut in the course of these tra!els 2 ha!e disco!ered that gall is not always the "est currency, and there are times when 2 would "e far "etter off with the other #ind. 2 am throwing this thing in your lap though 2 don$t expect anyone to agree at a distance of se!eral thousand miles with my certain #nowledge that 2 am a paragon of wisdom, courage, decency, and !isionary talent. Cn the other hand, 2 am wor#ing on my fourth case of dysentery, my stomach feels li#e a tree is growing in it, and 2 am medically for"idden to touch so much as a single "eer. 4ell, this is the longest letter 2$!e written since 2 was in the Air Force and was sending lo!e letters to a girl in Tallahassee. 2 don$t expect you to "e altogether happy with this one, "ut then the girl wasn$t always happy with hers, either, and we "oth sur!i!ed. Ah, it is noon now, chec# out time, and 2 can hear the clang of the cash register across the patio as they rac# up another L8 to Senor Thompson, the gringo with the messy room. *-AHAM-2/, )C-A1C+. Things are not going well here, my man. 2 limped in Saturday night after a spine crac#ing train ride, and on Sunday disco!ered to my horror that the president and all the *uaya&uil money men are lea!ing 4ednesday for 4ashington. For this reason 2 am ha!ing a time seeing anyone or at least the right people. Aside from that pro"lem, 2 am "eset "y other forms of plague. Cne, 2 ha!e not had any word from my New Hor# secretary in two wee#s so 2 ha!e no idea how 2 stand at the "an#. Thus 2 am afraid to cash a chec#. The first time 2 "ounce one down here 2 might as well gi!e up and go "ac# to the States. The moneyed community on this continent, which is what you ha!e to deal with when you want to cash chec#s, is li#e Bel!ille$s circle of *enius which (all o!er the world stands hand to hand, and one shoc# of recognition runs the whole circle round.( 4hich means, in my case, that if 2 "ounce a chec# in Cali my reputation as a croo# will precede me to 0uenos Aires. So 2 ha!e to "e careful. Cptimism is a rare commodity here, and the daily harassments of life in *uaya&uil are %ust a"out as much as a man should ha!e to "ear. *-AHAM-2/, )C-A1C+. This is to confirm my not particularly pointed o"ser!ations during yesterday$s phone call, which 2 appreciated a whale of a lot and all the more "ecause 2 suspect you did it primarily to #eep me from feeding myself to the giant turtles. Now 2 feel "etter in the head, if not in the stomach. Cn Bonday 2 will fly to /ima. 2 could go "efore that "ut Saturday and Sunday are holidays and we %ust finished a fi!e day lull ha!ing to do with )cuadorian history. These holidays are maddening' e!ery time you turn around they are rolling down the store fronts and loc#ing the offices. That, in addition to a noon to ; p.m. lunch hour, ma#es wor# %ust a"out impossi"le. 2 understand that while 2 was in Muito my secretary told you 2 was to Talara, .eru. 2 thin# the New Hor# summer has affected her reason. Aust for the record, 2 ha!e ne!er "een near Talara and will do e!erything in my power to a!oid it in the future. /2BA, .)+-.

247 2 ha!e a good peg on .eru. 2t may seem li#e heresy in 4ashington, "ut it is a fact that democracy is %ust a"out as popular here as eating li!e goldfish. 2 tell you now so you$ll ha!e time to ponder. ESome SP@.@ has "een throwing roc#s at my window all night and if 2 hadn$t sold my pistol 2$d whip up the "linds and cran# off a few rounds at his feet. As it is, all 2 can do is gripe to the des#.F The street outside is full of thugs, all drun# on pisco. 2n my wea#ened condition 2 am not a"out to go out there and tac#le them li#e Aoe .aloo#a. 2t is all 2 can do to swing out of "ed in the mornings and stum"le to the shower, which has come to "e my only pleasure. 2 am "eginning to loo# li#e the portrait of 1orian *ray' pretty soon 2 am going to ha!e to ha!e the mirrors ta#en out. /2BA, .)+-. First, 2 want to assure you that 2 exist. There is at present 686 pounds of me down from 6>7 in Aru"a and %ust a"out the same weight in luggage spread out around this room. 2 am "arred once again from touching e!en a single "eer, any fried foods, spices, pepper, and %ust a"out e!erything else except "roiled meat and mineral water. ENow this hotel doesn$t ha!e any more mineral water How long, C /ord, how longGF /A .AP, 0C/2D2A. 2 "lew in yesterday in unholy shape. This awful spate of pain and sic#ness puts the fear of *od in a man. The latest was the sting of a poison insect in Cuzco, paralyzing my leg as if 2$d "een hit "y a <: pound sting ray. Anyway, after two !isits to the clinic, much cortisone, many infrared lamps, and the ine!ita"le drin# prohi"iting anti"iotics 2 was at least a"le to wal# with a cane fashioned out of one of the legs of my camera tripod. That is the state 2 am in now. 2 ho""le around /a .az li#e a !et from the 2ndian wars, a!eraging a"out 6:: yards an hour on the flats and more li#e a turtle on the hills. At the end of this wee# there will "e no electricity in /a .az. Now it is rationed to the point where the -nited States )m"assy, for one, has ele!ator ser!ice only e!ery other day. This means 2 ha!e to go up fi!e flights of stairs on one leg, so 2 ha!e "een impressed with the gra!ity of the situation. They wor# it so that e!ery section of the city gets a turn at ha!ing electricity. So on some days you ha!e hot water, ele!ators, lights, etc., and on some days you don$t. 2f the electricity goes off completely, howe!er, 2 may ha!e to flee. 2t is "ad enough ha!ing to wal# up the stairs on the cane, without ha!ing no lights or hot water when 2 get here. Cr heat, 2 might add, and /a .az is cold at Christmas. +2C 1) AAN)2+C, 0+AP2/. 2$!e "een trying to get off a letter for a"out a wee# now, "ut ha!e "een hopping across %ungle and Batto *rosso, touring oil camps, and spending all my money on anti"iotics. 2 figure, though, that e!ery wee# 2$!e spent in these countries is a wee# 2 won$t ha!e to spend the next time 2 go "ac#. An in!estment, as it were, and now that 2$!e sur!i!ed this much of the thing 2 thin# 2$d "e #ic#ing myself right now if 2$d %ust s#immed through. 2 definitely mean to "ase here for a while, anyway. 2t is a"out time 2 li!ed li#e a human "eing for a change. National 1bserver! 1ecem"er ?6, 67=@

What Lure- He3+n*4a0 to /et,hu36

248 ,)TCH-B, 21AHC (That poor old man. He used to wal# out there on the road in the e!enings. He was so frail and thin and old loo#ing that it was em"arrassing to see him. 2 was always afraid a car would hit him, and that would ha!e "een an awful way for him to go. 2 was tempted to go out and tell him to "e careful, and 2 would ha!e if it had "een anyone else. 0ut with Hemingway it was different.( The neigh"or shrugged and glanced at )rnest Hemingway$s empty house, a comforta"le loo#ing chalet with a "ig pair of el# horns o!er the front door. 2t is "uilt on a hillside loo#ing down on the 0ig 4ood +i!er, and out across the !alley at the Sawtooth Bountains. A mile or so away, in a small gra!eyard at the north end of town, is Hemingway$s simple gra!e, lying in the afternoon shadow of 0aldy Bountain and the Sun Dalley s#i runs. 0eyond 0aldy are the high pastures of the 4ood +i!er National Forest, where thousands of sheep graze in the summer, tended "y 0as&ue sheepherders from the .yrenees. All winter long the gra!e is co!ered with deep snow, "ut in the summer tourists come out and ta#e pictures of each other standing "eside it. /ast summer there was a pro"lem with people ta#ing chun#s of earth for sou!enirs. 4hen news of his death made headlines in 67=6 there must ha!e "een other people "esides myself who were not as surprised "y the suicide as "y the fact that the story was date lined ,etchum, 2daho. 4hat was he doing li!ing thereG 4hen had he left Cu"a, where most people assumed he was wor#ing, against what he #new was his last deadline, on the long promised 0ig No!elG The newspapers ne!er answered those &uestions not for me, at any rate so it was with a feeling of long restless curiosity that 2 came, last wee#, up the long "lea# road to ,etchum, o!er the drainage di!ide "etween the Bagic and the 4ood +i!er !alleys, through Shoshone and 0elle!ue and Hailey )zra .ound$s hometown past Aac#$s +oc# Shop on -.S. 7?, and into ,etchum itself, population 8>?. Any"ody who considers himself a writer or e!en a serious reader cannot help "ut wonder %ust what it was a"out this out"ac# little 2daho !illage that struc# such a responsi!e chord in America$s most famous writer. He had "een coming here off and on since 67?>, until finally, in 67=:, he "ought a home %ust outside of town, and, not incidentally a 6: minute dri!e from Sun Dalley, which is so much a part of ,etchum that they are really one and the same. The answers might "e instructi!e not only as a #ey to Hemingway, "ut to a &uestion he often pondered, e!en in print. (4e do not ha!e great writers,( he explains to the Austrian in (reen $ills of Africa. (Something happens to our good writers at a certain age. . . Hou see we ma#e our writers into something !ery strange. . . 4e destroy them in many ways.( 0ut Hemingway himself ne!er seemed to disco!er in what way he was "eing (destroyed,( and so he ne!er understood how to a!oid it. )!en so, he #new something had gone wrong with "oth himself and his writing, and after a few days in ,etchum you get a feeling that he came here for exactly that reason. 0ecause it was here, in the years %ust "efore and after 4orld 4ar 22, that he came to hunt and s#i and raise hell in the local pu"s with *ary Cooper and +o"ert Taylor and all the other cele"rities who came to Sun Dalley when it still loomed large on cafe society$s map of di!ersions. Those were (the good years,( and Hemingway ne!er got o!er the fact that they couldn$t last. He was here with his third wife in 67;8, "ut then he settled in Cu"a and 6@ years went "y "efore he came again a different man this time, with yet another wife, Bary, and a different !iew of the world he had once "een a"le (to see clear and as a whole.( ,etchum was perhaps the only place in his world that had not changed radically since the good years. )urope had "een completely transformed, Africa was in the process of drastic uphea!al,

249 and finally e!en Cu"a "lew up around him li#e a !olcano. Castro$s educators taught the people that (Br. 4ay( had "een exploiting them, and he was in no mood in his old age to li!e with any more hostility than was necessary. Cnly ,etchum seemed unchanged, and it was here that he decided to dig in. 0ut there were changes here too' Sun Dalley was no longer a glittering, cele"rity filled winter retreat for the rich and famous, "ut %ust another good s#i resort in a tough league. (.eople were used to him here,( says Chuc# At#inson, owner of a ,etchum motel. (They didn$t "other him and he was grateful for it. His fa!orite time was the fall. 4e would go down to Shoshone for the pheasant shooting, or o!er on the ri!er for some duc#s. He was a fine shot, e!en toward the end, when he was sic#.( Hemingway didn$t ha!e many friends in ,etchum. Chuc# At#inson was one of them, and when 2 saw him one morning in his house on a pea# o!erloo#ing the town, he had %ust recei!ed a copy of A Moveable Feast. (Bary sent it from New Hor#,( he explained. (2 read part of it after "rea#fast' it$s good, it sounds more li#e him than some of the other stuff.( Another friend was Taylor (0eartrac#s( 4illiams, a !eteran guide who died last year and was "uried near the man who ga!e him the original manuscript of For %hom the Aell Tolls. 2t was (0eartrac#s( who too# Hemingway into the mountains after el#, "ear, antelope, and sheep in the days when (.apa( was still a meat hunter. Not surprisingly, Hemingway has ac&uired &uite a few friends since his death. (Hou$re writing a story on ,etc"umG( as#ed a "artender. (4hy don$t you do one on all the people who #new HemingwayG Sometimes 2 get the feeling 2$m the only person in town who didn$t.( Charley Bason, a wandering pianist, is one of the few people who spent much time with him, mainly listening, "ecause (4hen )rnie had a few drin#s he could carry on for hours with all #inds of stories. 2t was "etter than reading his "oo#s.( 2 met Bason in the Sawtooth Clu" on Bain Street, when he came in to order coffee o!er the "ar. He is off the "ooze these days and people who #now him say he loo#s 6: years younger. As he tal#ed, 2 had an odd feeling that he was somehow a creation of Hemingway$s, that he had escaped from one of the earlier short stories. (He was a hell of a drin#er,( Bason said with a chuc#le. (2 remem"er one time o!er at the Tram Na local pu"O %ust a few years ago' he was with two Cu"ans one was a great "ig Negro, a gun runner he #new from the Spanish Ci!il 4ar, and the other was a delicate little guy, a neurosurgeon from Ha!ana with fine hands li#e a musician. That was a three day session. They were "lasted on wine the whole time and %a""ering in Spanish li#e re!olutionaries. Cne afternoon when 2 was there, Hemingway %er#ed the chec#ered cloth off the ta"le and he and the other "ig guy too# turns ma#ing the little doctor play the "ull. They$d whirl and %er# the cloth around it was a hell of a sight.( Cn another e!ening, out at Sun Dalley, Bason too# a "rea# on the stand and sat down for a while at Hemingway$s ta"le. 2n the course of the con!ersation Bason as#ed him what it too# (to "rea# in on the literary life, or anything else creati!e, for that matter.( (4ell,( said Hemingway, (there$s only one thing 2 li!e "y that$s ha!ing the power of con!iction and #nowing what to lea!e out.( He had said the same thing "efore, "ut whether he still "elie!ed it in the winter of his years is another matter. There is good e!idence that he was not always sure what to lea!e out, and !ery little e!idence to show that his power of con!iction sur!i!ed the war. That power of con!iction is a hard thing for any writer to sustain, and especially so once he "ecomes conscious of it. Fitzgerald fell apart when the world no longer danced to his music' Faul#ner$s con!iction faltered when he had to confront Twentieth Century Negroes instead of the "lac# sym"ols in his "oo#s' and when 1os .assos tried to change his con!ictions he lost all his

250 power. Today we ha!e Bailer, Aones, and Styron, three potentially great writers "ogged down in what seems to "e a crisis of con!ictions "rought on, li#e Hemingway$s, "y the mean nature of a world that will not stand still long enough for them to see it clear as a whole. 2t is not %ust a writer$s crisis, "ut they are the most o"!ious !ictims "ecause the function of art is supposedly to "ring order out of chaos, a tall order e!en when the chaos is static, and a superhuman tas# in a time when chaos is multiplying. Hemingway was not a political man. He did not care for mo!ements, "ut dealt in his fiction with the stresses and strains on indi!iduals in a world that seemed far less complex, prior to 4orld 4ar 22, than it has since. +ightly or wrongly, his taste ran to large and simple E"ut not easyF concepts to "lac#s and whites, as it were, and he was not comforta"le with the multitude of gray shadings that seem to "e the wa!e of the future. 2t was not Hemingway$s wa!e, and in the end he came "ac# to ,etchum, ne!er ceasing to wonder, says Bason, why he hadn$t "een #illed years earlier in the midst of !iolent action on some other part of the glo"e. Here, at least, he had mountains and a good ri!er "elow his house' he could li!e among rugged, non political people and !isit, when he chose to, with a few of his famous friends who still came up to Sun Dalley. He could sit in the Tram or the Alpine or the Sawtooth Clu" and tal# with men who felt the same way he did a"out life, e!en if they were not so articulate. 2n this congenial atmosphere he felt he could get away from the pressures of a world gone mad, and (write truly( a"out life as he had in the past. ,etchum was Hemingway$s 0ig Two Hearted +i!er, and he wrote his own epitaph in the story of the same name, %ust as Scott Fitzgerald had written his epitaph in a "oo# called The (reat (atsb'. Neither man understood the !i"rations of a world that had sha#en them off their thrones, "ut of the two, Fitzgerald showed more resilience. His half finished 2ast T'coon was a sincere effort to catch up and come to grips with reality, no matter how distasteful it might ha!e seemed to him. Hemingway ne!er made such an effort. The strength of his youth "ecame rigidity as he grew older, and his last "oo# was a"out .aris in the Twenties. Standing on a corner in the middle of ,etchum it is easy to see the connection Hemingway must ha!e made "etween this place and those he had #nown in the good years. Aside from the "rute "eauty of the mountains, he must ha!e recognized an ata!istic distinctness in the people that pi&ued his sense of dramatic possi"ilities. 2t is a raw and peaceful little !illage, especially in the off season with neither winter s#iers nor summer fishermen to dilute the image. Cnly the main street is pa!ed' most of the others are no more than dirt and gra!el trac#s that seem at times to run right through front yards. From such a !antage point a man tends to feel it is not so difficult, after all, to see the world clear and as a whole. /i#e many another writer, Hemingway did his "est wor# when he felt he was standing on something solid li#e an 2daho mountainside, or a sense of con!iction. .erhaps he found what he came here for, "ut the odds are huge that he didn$t. He was an old, sic#, and !ery trou"led man, and the illusion of peace and contentment was not enough for him not e!en when his friends came up from Cu"a and played "ullfight with him in the Tram. So finally, and for what he must ha!e thought the "est of reasons, he ended it with a shotgun. National 1bserver! Bay @<, 67=;

L+2+n* +n the T+3e o5 Al*er, Greele0, $e1s

251 1ld#Time Aoomers Still Stom& the %est! but Air /onditioning*s Aetter .2)++), S.1. 2 had met the tramp digger the night "efore. And "ecause he was "ro#e and 2 wasn$t, 2 "ought him a hotel room so he wouldn$t ha!e to sleep in the grass "eside the road to Spo#ane. 0ut instead of tra!eling the next day, he too# what was left of his cash and sat "y himself on a stool at the Thunder"ird 0ar in downtown Bissoula, sullenly nursing his drin#s as he had the night "efore, and putting his change in the %u#e "ox, which can "e a !ery expensi!e machine for those who need steady noise to #eep from thin#ing. 2t was four in the morning when he #noc#ed on the door of my hotel room. (Sorry to "other you, pard,( he said. (2 heard your typewriter going, "ut 2 %ust got lonely, you #now 2 had to tal# to some"ody.( (4ell,( 2 said, not really surprised to find him still in town, (2 guess we could "oth use some coffee. /et$s go to the Cxford, it$s open all night.( 4e went down the stairs of the silent hotel and through the lo""y where a sleepy des# cler# loo#ed up and wondered, with that "ailiff s leer that des# cler#s ha!e "een culti!ating since the "eginning of time, %ust what sort of a %ournalist 2 was if it was necessary to ha!e !agrants calling on me at this rude hour on a chill Bontana morning. 4hich may "e a !alid &uestion. 0ut then some"ody else might as# what sort of a %ournalist would spend six wee#s tra!eling around the 4est and not write a"out 0o""y Cleary, the tramp digger with no home and a downhill run to a guaranteed early gra!e' 0o" 0arnes, the half deaf wildcat truc#er who ne!er understood that his life was a desperate game of muscial chairs' or the lean, stuttering redhead from .ennsyl!ania who said his name was +ay and had hitchhi#ed 4est to find a place (where a man can still ma#e an honest li!ing.( Hou will find them along the highways, in the all night diners, and in the old "rass rail "ars that still ser!e 6: cent "eer a motley, !aried, and always tal#ati!e legion of men who fit no pattern except that they all seem li#e holdo!ers from the days of the *reat 1epression. Hou will not find them any place where men wear suits and ties or wor# at steady %o"s. These are the "oomers, the drifters, the hard tra!elers, and the tramp diggers who roam the long highways of the 4est as regularly and as stoically as other men ride the su"ways of New Hor# City. Their wor# is where they find it, their luggage is rarely more than one small suitcase or a paper sac#, and their !iew of the future is e!ery "it as grim as it is limited. These are the people who ne!er got the message that rugged indi!idualism has made some drastic ad%ustments in these hyper organized times. They are still li!ing in the era of Horace *reeley, Horatio Alger and in some cases, )ugene 1e"s. They want no part of (city li!ing,( "ut they ha!e neither the education nor the interest to understand why it is e!er more difficult for them to ma#e a li!ing (out here in the open.( The demise of the easy li!ing, independent 4est has made them "itter and sometimes desperate. 2n the old days a man with a"normal !ariety of s#ills could roll into any 4estern hamlet or %unction and find an odd %o" or two that would pay his way and usually pro!ide a little margin to spend with the local sports. Today it ta#es a union card "efore you can tal# tur#ey with most construction foremen, and many of the "ig companies ha!e a hard core of regulars who mo!e from one pro%ect to another. Hou see them on the highways in 4yoming, Colorado, and the 1a#otas, cara!ans of pic#ups pulling house trailers, flat "eds hauling "ulldozers, and hard faced men from California and Texas with their families in the ca" and their automo"iles riding high in the "eds of "ig dump truc#s en route from an interstate highway %o" in Bontana, for instance, to a dam "uilding pro%ect in Colorado. This is the well paid elite of the transient construction industry that is getting fat on Federal pro%ects that more and more 4estern states are coming to !iew as economic necessities. Some people accuse 4estern go!ernors, senators, and representati!es of dipping into the

252 (por# "arrel,( "ut others say these pro%ects are no more than prudent allocations of the taxpayers$ money for necessary construction that 4estern states either cannot or will not afford. At any rate it is a "ig industry in the 4est, a money tree for a lot of people including the foremen and the s#illed hea!y e&uipment operators who ma#e up the construction elite and a massi!e source of "oth hope and frustration to the "oomers, drifters, and other free lance la"orers who go high on the hog when they get hired, and li!e li#e ho"os when they don$t. (0ud,( the "road shouldered, pot "ellied cat dri!er, was not unhappy with life when 2 met him in a "ig dance hall in Aac#son, 4yo. He was wearing an expensi!e gray Stetson and a pair of fancy cow"oy "oots that had not made much of a dent in his L@:: a wee# salary on the road "uilding %o" outside of town. 2n the course of an hour he as#ed a"out ?: girls to dance, got turned down "y at least @<, and spent the rest of his time posing regally at the "ar, dispensing wisdom and humor in e!ery direction. At one point he let his gaze flash o!er the crowd and pronounced in the manner of a man long s#illed in the s&uandering of !ast sums9 (These damn silly tourists thin# they$re "ig spendersI HaI 4e$ll see.( At that, he swept his change off the "ar and disappeared. The tramp digger in Bissoula had not "een so luc#y. He wore a cheap, frayed wind"rea#er that was all "ut useless in the "itter nights of a late +oc#y Bountain spring. He was tall, with the thic# nec# and sloping shoulders of a man who wor#s with his "ac#, "ut his eyes were dull in a slac# face, and he wal#ed with a weary shuffle that made him seem li#e an old man at @=. As we wal#ed along the deserted sidewal#s of Higgins A!enue 2 as#ed him what plans he had. (2 don$t #now, pard,( he said with a shrug and a half smile, (may"e California, may"e -tah, it$s all the same. 2$ll %ust hit the road when it gets light. There$s always wor# for a good hard roc# digger.( 0o""y Cleary was a specialist of sorts' as a tramp digger he is a "ody for hire in any #ind of dangerous, underground wor#. He had come o!er from 0utte where he said he was "lac# listed in the mines "ecause he had &uit too often. There was no wor# in Bissoula, he was stone "ro#e, and his prospects for the immediate future were not real "right. Now he loo#ed up at the s#y that was already getting gray, too# the "utt of an old cigaret from "ehind his ear, lit it, and recited what seemed to "e his motto9 (That$s the way it goes first your money, then your clothes.( He had said it se!eral times the night "efore, when we had struc# up a con!ersation in the Thunder"ird after he had frightened e!ery"ody else at the "ar with a loud diatri"e on (%ustice for the wor#ing man, "y Aesus. By old man fought for the union and one of these days 2$m gonna write it all down li#e Aac# /ondon. 0y Aesus he cared. He #new what it was li#e, and how a"out another whis#y here, fella, for a no count tramp diggerI( 2n the Cxford Cafe or (The Cx,( as it is called "y its generally unemployed and often homeless ha"itues 2 ordered coffee, and Cleary as#ed for (a "owl of "eans.( He loo#ed at me and grinned9 (2 figure you$re "uyin$, pard. Ctherwise 2$d ha!e ordered a glass of water and crac#ers,( he nodded. (Starch and water, it fills the "elly.( 2 reached in the poc#et of my leather sheepherder$s %ac#et, pulled out a "lac#, passport sized wallet, and put two dollars on the counter. 2n the dreary dawn of a ho"o$s "rea#fast at the Cxford Cafe, that wallet seemed as out of place as a diplomatic pouch or a pair of cashmere /e!i$s. 2t was a wee# or so later when the wallet em"arrassed me again. 2 had pic#ed up an elderly hitchhi#er named 0o" 0arnes on 2nterstate 7: near the cattle town of Biles City, Bont. 4e stopped for gas at the North 1a#ota line, and 2 left the wallet on the dash"oard while 2 wired up a defecti!e muffler. 4hen 2 got "ac# in the car he said !ery &uietly9 (That$s a real nice wallet' where did you get itG( (0uenos Aires,( 2 said, then immediately added, (Things are cheap down there.( 0ut 2 had

253 not "een &uic# enough and it showed in his face' here was a young pun# with a fat "lac# wallet, idly pulling ran# on an old man who felt himself going down and out, for some reason that was either senseless or cruel, or "oth. 0o" 0arnes was an ex truc# dri!er, who loo#ed li#e an aging school teacher. He was too old now for any chance of a %o" with the "ig hauling companies, "ut still a"le to wor# as a (wildcatter,( which is li#e saying a pitcher cut loose "y the Han#ees might still catch on with the Bets. He had "orrowed some money to come out from Binneapolis to *reat Falls, Bont., where he had an old friend who owned a small truc#ing firm and would gi!e him a %o". 0ut the friend had mo!ed to California and nothing else was a!aila"le at least not "efore his money ran out, and when that happened he "egan riding his thum" "ac# to Binneapolis with not e!en a tooth"rush or a pac# of cigarets for luggage, and not a dime in his poc#et. 4hen 2 pic#ed him up around noon on Saturday, he had not eaten since Friday morning. ()!ery time 2 wal#ed past one of those highway restaurants 2 thought a"out going in and as#ing if 2 could wash dishes for a meal,( he said, ("ut 2 %ust couldn$t do it. 2$m not a "um and 2 don$t #now how to act li#e one.( 4e were together all afternoon, a long hot dri!e across the plains and the "adlands to 0ismar#, "ut it was late in the day "efore he finally got around to admitting that his trip was not a lar# of some #ind. 4hen he finally "egan tal#ing a"out himself, 2 wished he hadn$t. His wife had "een #illed two years earlier in an automo"ile accident. Since then he had "een a drifter, "ut it was a hard dollar for a man in his <:s, and this wild sta" at a %o" in Bontana was his last real idea what to do with himself. 4hen he got "ac# to Binneapolis he thought he could (arrange a loan until things get "etter.( -nli#e the other "oomers 2 met, 0o" 0arnes has gone the whole route and found it pretty "arren in the homestretch. He has pushed "ig tim"er truc#s through "lizzards in northern Binnesota and dri!en straight through from Florida to Chicago with a load of tomatoes that would spoil if he stopped to sleep. He has dri!en e!ery #ind of rig on e!ery ma%or highway in the nation. He #nows the names of waitresses in truc# stops in Dirginia and Texas and Cregon. And he can tell you how to get from New Hor# to /os Angeles with a hea!yweight load "y ta#ing "ac# roads and a!oiding the truc# scales' there is only one route left, and only a few !eteran wildcatters #now it. 2 dropped him at the Sal!ation Army in 0ismarc#, where he could get a "owl of soup and a cot for the night "efore stri#ing out again in the morning for Binneapolis. 4e shoo# hands and wished each other good luc#. 2 felt li#e a pious hypocrite and dro!e off rapidly, without loo#ing "ac#. Se!eral days later, on the flat "lac# ri""on that runs from 0ismarc# down the prairie to .ierre, 2 pic#ed up a young, happy go luc#y type from .ennsyl!ania. He had %ust &uit a hay hauling %o" in North 1a#ota and was on his way to /os Angeles, where he felt sure of getting a %o". Bay"e so, 2 thought, "ut 2 hope 2 don$t ha!e to pic# you up in 6: years when they$!e really tightened the screws, "ecause the day of the "oomer is rapidly coming to an end. 2n the age of automation and %o" security, a touch of the wanderlust is the #iss of death. 2n any count of the chronically unemployed the "oomers will "e !ery prominent' they ha!e ne!er sought security, "ut only wor#' they ha!e ne!er sa!ed, "ut only earned and spent participating, as it were, in an increasingly technological economy that has less and less room for their sort with e!ery passing year. 4hen we got to .ierre 2 dropped the young optimist and his "lue plastic suitcase on the south side of town. He got out in the middle of a small dust storm and pointed his thum" toward /os Angeles.

254 2 returned to the Holiday 2nn where they ha!e a swimming pool and air conditioned rooms to consider the paradox of a nation that has gi!en so much to those who preach the glories of rugged indi!idualism from the security of countless corporate sinecures, and so little to that diminishing "and of yesterday$s refugees who still practice it, day "y day, in a tough, rootless and sometimes witless style that most of us ha!e long since "een weaned away from. National 1bserver! Auly 6?, 67=;

%arlon Bran-o an- the In-+an #+sh(In

C/HB.2A, 4ASH. (As an actor, he$s not much of a field general.( That was the consensus here last wee# after Barlon 0rando$s well pu"licized "ut futile and disorganized attempt to help local 2ndians (regain( fishing rights granted them more than 6:: years ago under treaties with the -.S. *o!ernment. The old *o!ernor Hotel, %ust down the street from the State Capitol, was almost ta#en o!er "y 2ndians who came from e!ery corner of the nation to protest (encroachment( on their historic treaty rights. The show was "illed as the turning point for the American 2ndian in this century. Said one of the leaders9 (-p to now we$!e always "een on the defensi!e, "ut now we$!e reached a point where it$s life or death for the 2ndian culture, and we$!e decided to ta#e the offensi!e.( )arly rumors had it that not only Br. 0rando, "ut .aul Newman, Aames 0aldwin, and )ugene 0urdic# would "e on hand to offer moral support and draw pu"licity. 0ut of the four only Br. 0rando showed up, along with writers ,ay 0oyle and .aul Aaco"s from San Francisco, and the +e!. Aohn A. Haryan, canon precenter of San Francisco *race Cathedral. The canon arri!ed with a white "uc#et mar#ed ("ait,( and the "lessing of his "ishop, Aames A. .i#e. The idea was to stage a (fish in( for the 2ndian cause. Bore than <: tri"es were represented "y some <:: 2ndians at the gathering, and one of the leaders said happily that it was the first time 2ndians had demonstrated any unity since the "attle of /ittle 0ig Horn. This time, though, things didn$t go so well for the red man. Br. 0rando led the 2ndians in three separate assaults against (the forces of in%ustice,( and they lost all three. 0y wee#$s end, the show had fizzled out and Br. 0rando was off in the wilderness of the northwest Clympic .eninsula, trying to get himself arrested again and pro!e some point that had long since "een lost in the chaos that characterized the affair from "eginning to end. )!en so, the thing was a &ualified success almost in spite of itself. Among the important results were9 A new feeling of unity among 2ndians, where pre!iously there had "een none. .lenty of pu"licity for the 2ndian cause, than#s largely to Br. 0rando$s presence. The emergence of a new, dynamic leadership in the form of the National 2ndian Houth Council. )mergence of the fact that the 2ndian wants no part of the Negro ci!il rights cause and will ma#e e!ery effort to detach himself from it. The inescapa"le conclusion that the 2ndians still ha!e a long way to go "efore they can spea# with one !oice, or e!en ma#e themsel!es heard effecti!ely without the help of people li#e Br. 0rando. The aim of the whole affair was to protest the state of 4ashington$s for"idding the 2ndians to fish with nets on certain areas outside their tiny reser!ations.

255 The 2ndians point out that the Treaty of Bedicine Cree#, signed in 6><; "y representati!es of 4ashington state 2ndians and the -.S. *o!ernment, depri!ed them of their reser!ations "ut permitted them to fish in (usual and accustomed places.( So, they claim, did other treaties of similar !intage. The most (usual( place for these 2ndians mostly mem"ers of the Nis&ually and .uyalhip tri"es has "een the Nis&ually +i!er, fed "y a Bt. +ainier glacier and cutting =: miles to enter .uget Sound a few miles south of Tacoma. 2n recent years they ha!e used nylon gill nets and other increasingly effecti!e gear of the white man to the discomfiture of sportsmen restricted to rod and reel, commercial fishermen "anned from the ri!er entirely, and fisheries officials who fear complete loss of salmon and steelhead trout runs. So last month the State Supreme Court ruled that the state can restrict off reser!ation 2ndian net fishing in areas it deems the more necessary to protect salmon and steelhead runs. The state did so, and the 2ndians promptly claimed this action !iolated the Treaty of Bedicine Cree#. Says Aanet BcCloud, Tulalip 2ndian whose hus"and fishes the Nis&ually9 (They Nthe original treaty ma#ersO promised us we could fish for eternity as long as the mountain stands, the grass grows green, and the sun shines. . .( The State *ame 1epartment, she said, thin#s the steelhead "elongs to the white man. (They must thin# the steelhead swam o!er "ehind the Bayflower.( Since the state restricted their fishing, the 2ndians ha!e "een organizing in protest. The state, "y way of defense of its action, points to the ma%ority decision of the Supreme Court, which said, (None of the signatories to the original treaty contemplated fishing with a =:: foot nylon gill net, which could pre!ent the escapement of any fish up the ri!er for spawning purposes.( The 2ndians deny this. They say such factors as pollution and dam "uilding are contri"uting hea!ily to depletion of 4ashington$s fish, and add that only ?: per cent of fish caught in 4ashington are caught "y 2ndians the rest going to sportsmen and white commercial fishermen. That was the "ac#ground to last wee#$s de!elopments. For the 2ndians, the wee# "egan well and "ecame progressi!ely worse. Cn Bonday Br. 0rando and Canon Haryan got themsel!es arrested for using a drift net to catch two steelheads in the .uyallup +i!er near Tacoma, where a recently issued in%unction for"ids net fishing "y 2ndians or anyone else. They also got a lot of half serious pu"licity, "ut to Br. 0rando$s chagrin the charges were &uic#ly dropped. Said .ierce County .rosecutor Aohn BcCutcheon9 (0rando is no fisherman. He was here to ma#e a point. There$s no use prolonging this thing.( And so, reluctantly, the rest of the day was ta#en up with a series of strategy meetings dominated "y Br. 0rando and a "e!y of lawyers, one of whom ga!e a nearly superhuman performance "y managing to appear in almost as many news photographs as did Br. 0rando. So the (fish in( pro!ed nothing except that a Hollywood actor and an )piscopal minister can fish illegally in 4ashington and get away with it. The 2ndians were no "etter off, and the only one who too# the ris# of fishing with Br. 0rando and the canon now faces a contempt of court charge for defying an in%unction. Nor did a mass demonstration at the State Capitol on Tuesday help the cause. *o!. Al"ert 1. +osellini, along with a"out 6,<:: others, listened to se!eral fiery speeches and a (proclamation of protest( concerning (harassment( of 2ndians, then ga!e a flat (no( to proposals that 2ndians "e gi!en greater freedom to fish in (the usual and accustomed places.( To do so, said the go!ernor, would "e to condone a (hazard( to state fish resources. Br. 0rando called the go!ernor$s stand (unsatisfactory( and said he would step up his efforts on "ehalf of the 2ndians. (4e$re prepared to go all the way to the wall with this thing,( he told reporters. (2$ll #eep on fishing, and if it means going to %ail, 2$ll go to %ail.(

256 All of which made good copy for the local press, "ut no"ody seemed to #now what good would come of it. At one point, a lynx eyed young lady in a !ery tight dress as#ed the actor if it was true that some of the 2ndians resented his new role as (the 2ndian spo#esman.( Her &uestion was merely the pu"lic echo of a feeling that &uite a few people had expressed in pri!ate. There was no dou"t that Br. 0rando$s presence at the affair drew a lot of pu"lic attention, "ut much of it was irrele!ant and led to speculation some in print that he was (doing the whole thing for personal pu"licity.( He wasn$t, "ut he so completely dominated the scene that many of the 2ndians felt luc#y when anyone noticed them at all. The issue came to a head when a tele!ision networ# scheduled an inter!iew with se!eral leaders of the youth council. 2t was a chance for the 2ndians to present their point of !iew to a nationwide audience that is largely ignorant of their pro"lems. 0ut Br. 0rando !etoed the inter!iew "ecause he had plans for another (fish in( on the same day, and wanted all the 2ndians with him. -nfortunately, he couldn$t con!ince the press to dri!e four hours through a rainstorm to co!er an e!ent that seemed to ha!e no news !alue. Contrary to his expectations, the pu"licity effort was a flop. 2n all, the whole affair suffered "adly from lac# of organization. Br. 0rando was undou"tedly sincere in his effort' he tal#ed persuasi!ely and at great length a"out 2ndian pro"lems, "ut he seemed to ha!e no strategy except to get himself arrested. Cnly three or four people among the se!eral hundred in!ol!ed seemed to ha!e any idea what was happening from one hour to the next. An air of mystery and intrigue per!aded the whole affair. Br. 0rando explained it as "eing necessary to #eep the authorities in the dar#, "ut the authorities were se!eral %umps ahead of him at e!ery turn, and the only people really in the dar# were the reporters, who were generally sympathetic at first' the 2ndians, many of whom had ta#en time off from their %o"s to come to Clympia and accomplish something' and the lawyers, whose la"oriously contri!ed strategy pro!ed ineffecti!e at e!ery showdown. Aside from lac# of organization, another root pro"lem was the 2ndians$ fear of getting their (cause( identified in the pu"lic mind with the Negro ci!il rights mo!ement. (4e$re happy to ha!e Barlon on our side,( said one 2ndian leader. (0ut he$s one of our "ig pro"lems, too, "ecause he #eeps ma#ing statements comparing 2ndians and Negroes' the two mo!ements are entirely different. The Negroes don$t ha!e the law on their side yet and they ha!e a lot of popular pre%udice against them, while the 2ndians$ pro"lem is the Federal "ureaucracy' we already ha!e the law on our side in the form of treaties, and all we as# the white man to do is li!e up to those treaties.( A press statement explaining why a proclamation of protest was "eing presented to the go!ernor was !ery explicit on this su"%ect9 (The presentation shall "e conducted in such a manner as to insure that the great pride and dignity of the 2ndian people will "e upheld.( Bany 2ndians are !ery touchy a"out their pride, and regard the Negro effort as crude and undignified. Here in 4ashington state, in fact, a (splinter group( of 2ndians has caused a schism in 2ndian ran#s "y retaining Aac# Tanner, president of the Tacoma 0ranch of the National Association for the Ad!ancement of Colored .eople ENAAC.F, to represent them. Br. Tanner, a Negro, called the Clympia protest (ridiculous,( and on 4ednesday had fi!e clients stage a separate (fish in( of their own, for which they were immediately arrested. As the 2ndians press their fight, the youth council pro"a"ly will do much of the fighting, and its emergence here was a ma%or e!ent. -p to now the relation "etween these (young Tur#s( and the 2ndians$ traditional tri"al councils has "een roughly the same as once existed "etween young Negroes and the NAAC. the youths often felt they were (on the outside.( 0ut last wee# they were clearly running the 2ndian show.

257 (Sure, we made a lot of mista#es,( says Clyde 4arrior, one of the most aggressi!e of the young Tur#s, (so now we #now what not to do next time. This was %ust a "eginning. 4ait until we get rolling.( 4hich will ta#e a "it of time. The youth council operates on a financial shoestring, and its mem"ers hold down full time %o"s to support themsel!es. Bost are college graduates, more articulate than their elders, and much more willing to (offend a few people,( as Br. 4arrior says, in order to get things done. The significant thing a"out last wee#$s e!ents here, in fact, was %ust that9 The 2ndians, young and old, were willing (to offend a few people.( Throughout the country, 2ndians are doing "attle with Federal and state go!ernments o!er a !ariety of causes. And e!en though last wee#$s (fish in( and assorted protests here resulted only in a stand off, the attitudes they represented could ha!e wide ranging repercussions. National 1bserver! Barch 7, 67=;

The ;Hash1ur0; Is the Cap+tal o5 the H+pp+es

SAN F+ANC2SCC. 2n 67=< 0er#eley was the axis of what was %ust "eginning to "e called the (New /eft.( 2ts leaders were radical, "ut they were also deeply committed to the society they wanted to change. A prestigious faculty committee said the 0er#eley acti!ists were the !anguard of (a moral re!olution among the young,( and many professors appro!ed. Now, in 67=8, there is not much dou"t that 0er#eley has gone through a re!olution of some #ind, "ut the end result is not exactly what the original leaders had in mind. Bany one time acti!ists ha!e forsa#en politics entirely and turned to drugs. Cthers ha!e e!en forsa#en 0er#eley. 1uring 67==, the hot center of re!olutionary action on the Coast "egan mo!ing across the "ay to San Francisco$s Haight Ash"ury district, a run down Dictorian neigh"orhood of a"out ;: s&uare "loc#s "etween the NegroJFillmore district and *olden *ate .ar#. The (Hash"ury( is the new capital of what is rapidly "ecoming a drug culture. 2ts denizens are not called radicals or "eatni#s, "ut (hippies( and perhaps as many as half are refugees from 0er#eley and the old North 0each scene, the cradle and the cas#et of the so called 0eat *eneration. The other half of the hippy population is too young to identify with Aac# ,erouac, or e!en with Bario Sa!io. Their a!erage age is a"out @:, and most are nati!e Californians. The North 0each types of the late nineteen fifties were not nearly as pro!incial as the Haight Ash"ury types are today. The ma%ority of "eatni#s who floc#ed into San Francisco 6: years ago were transients from the )ast and Bidwest. The literary artistic nucleus ,erouac, *ins"erg, et al was a pac#age deal from New Hor#. San Francisco was only a stop on the "ig circuit9 Tangier, .aris, *reenwich Dillage, To#yo and 2ndia. The senior "eats had a pretty good idea what was going on in the world' they read newspapers, tra!eled constantly and had friends all o!er the glo"e. The world (hip( translates roughly as (wise( or (tuned in.( A hippy is some"ody who (#nows( what$s really happening, and who ad%usts or groo!es with it. Hippies despise phoniness' they want to "e open, honest, lo!ing and free. They re%ect the plastic pretense of @:th century America, preferring to go "ac# to the (natural life,( li#e Adam and )!e. They re%ect any #inship with the 0eat *eneration on the ground that (those cats were negati!e, "ut our thing is positi!e.( They also re%ect politics, which is (%ust another game.( They don$t li#e money, either, or any #ind of aggressi!eness.

258 A serious pro"lem in writing a"out the Haight Ash"ury is that most of the people you ha!e to tal# to are in!ol!ed, one way or another, in the drug traffic. They ha!e good reason to "e leery of strangers who as# &uestions. A @@ year old student was recently sentenced to two years in prison for telling an underco!er narcotics agent where to "uy some mari%uana. (/o!e( is the password in the Haight Ash"ury, "ut paranoia is the style. No"ody wants to go to %ail. At the same time, mari%uana is e!erywhere. .eople smo#e it on the sidewal#s, in doughnut shops, sitting in par#ed cars or lounging on the grass in *olden *ate .ar#. Nearly e!eryone on the streets "etween @: and ?: is a (head,( a user, either of mari%uana, /S1, or "oth. To refuse a proffered (%oint( is to ris# "eing la"eled a (nar#( narcotics agent a threat and a menace to almost e!ery"ody. 4ith a few loud exceptions, it is only the younger hippies who see themsel!es as a new "reed. (A completely new thing in this world, man.( The ex "eatni#s among them, many of whom are now ma#ing money off the new scene, incline to the !iew that hippies are, in fact, second generation "eatni#s and that e!erything genuine in the Haight Ash"ury is a"out to "e swallowed li#e North 0each and the Dillage in a wa!e of pu"licity and commercialism. Haight Street, the *reat 4hite 4ay of what the local papers call (Hippieland,( is already dotted with stores catering mainly to the tourist trade. Few hippies can afford a pair of L@: sandals or a (mod outfit( for L=8.<:. Nor can they afford the L?.<: door charge at the Fillmore Auditorium and the A!alon 0allroom, the twin wom"s of the (psychedelic, San Francisco, acid roc# sound.( 0oth the Fillmore and the A!alon are %ammed e!ery wee#end with "orderline hippies who don$t mind paying for the music and the light shows. There is always a sprin#ling of genuine, "arefoot, frea#ed out types on the dance floor, "ut few of them pay to get in. They arri!e with the musicians or ha!e other good connections. Neither of the dance palaces is within wal#ing distance of the Hash"ury, especially if you$re stoned, and since only a few of the hippies ha!e contacts in the psychedelic power structure, most of them spend their wee#end nights either drifting around on Haight Street or loading up on acid /S1 in some"ody$s pad. Some of the roc# "ands play free concerts in *olden *ate .ar# for the "enefit of those "rethren who can$t afford the dances. 0ut "eyond an occasional Happening in the par#, the Haight Ash"ury scene is almost de!oid of anything (to do( at least "y con!entional standards. An at home entertainment is nude parties at which cele"rants paint designs on each other. There are no hippy "ars, for instance, and only one restaurant a"o!e the le!el of a diner or a lunch counter. This is a reflection of the drug culture, which has no use for "ooze and regards food as a necessity to "e ac&uired at the least possi"le expense. A (family( of hippies will wor# for hours o!er an exotic stew or curry in a communal #itchen, "ut the idea of paying L? for a meal in a restaurant is out of the &uestion. Some hippies wor#, others li!e on money from home and many are full time "eggars. The .ost Cffice is a ma%or source of hippy income. Ao"s li#e sorting mail don$t re&uire much thought or effort. A hippy named Admiral /o!e of the .sychedelic +angers deli!ers special deli!ery letters at night. The admiral is in his mid @:$s and ma#es enough money to support an apartmentful of younger hippies who depend on him for their daily "read. There is also a hippy run employment agency on Haight Street and anyone needing part time la"or or some #ind of specialized wor# can call and order as many frea#s as he needs' they might loo# a "it weird, "ut many are far more capa"le than most (temporary help,( and !astly more interesting to ha!e around. Those hippies who don$t wor# can easily pic# up a few dollars a day panhandling along Haight Street. The fresh influx of curiosity see#ers has pro!ed a great "oon to the legion of psychedelic "eggars. 1uring se!eral days of roaming around the area, 2 was touched so often that 2 "egan to #eep a supply of &uarters in my poc#et so 2 wouldn$t ha!e to haggle o!er change. The panhandlers are usually "arefoot, always young and ne!er apologetic. They$ll share what they collect

259 anyway, so it seems entirely reasona"le that strangers should share with them. The "est show on Haight Street is usually on the sidewal# in front of the 1rag Store, a new coffee "ar at the Corner of Basonic Street. The 1rog Store features an all hippy re!ue that runs day and night. The acts change sporadically, "ut no"ody cares. There will always "e at least one man with long hair and sunglasses playing a wooden pipe of some #ind. He will "e wearing either a 1racula cape, a long 0uddhist ro"e, or a Sioux 2ndian costume. There will also "e a hairy "lond fellow wearing a 0lac# 0art cow"oy hat and a spangled %ac#et that originally "elonged to a drum ma%or in the 67;7 +ose 0owl parade. He will "e playing the "ongo drums. Next to the drummer will "e a dazed loo#ing girl wearing a "louse E"ut no "raF and a plastic mini s#irt, slapping her thighs to the rhythm of it all. These three will "e the nucleus of the show. 0ac#ing them up will "e an all star cast of frea#s, e!ery one of them stoned. They will "e stretched out on the sidewal#, twitching and "a""ling in time to the music. Now and then some"ody will fall out of the audience and %oin the re!ue' perhaps a Hell$s Angel or some gru""y, chain draped impostor who ne!er owned a motorcycle in his life. Cr may"e a girl wrapped in gauze or a thin man with wild eyes who too# an o!erdose of acid nine days ago and changed himself into a ra!en. For those on a &uic# tour of the Hash"ury, the 1rog Store re!ue is a must. Bost of the local action is "eyond the reach of anyone without access to drugs. There are four or fi!e "ars a ner!ous s&uare might relax in, "ut one is a /es"ian place, another is a hangout for "rutal loo#ing leather fetishists and the others are old neigh"orhood ta!erns full of "rooding middle aged drun#s. .rior to the hippy era there were three good Negro run %azz "ars on Haight Street, "ut they soon went out of style. 4ho needs %azz, or e!en "eer, when you can sit down on a pu"lic cur"stone, drop a pill in your mouth, and hear fantastic music for hours at a time in your own headG A cap of good acid costs L<, and for that you can hear the -ni!ersal Symphony, with *od singing solo and the Holy *host on drums. 1rugs ha!e made formal entertainment o"solete in the Hash"ury, "ut only until some"ody comes up with something appropriate to the new style of the neigh"orhood. This summer will see the opening of the new Straight Theater, formerly the Haight Theater, featuring homosexual mo!ies for the trade, meetings, concerts, dances. (2t$s going to "e a #ind of hippy community center,( said 0rent 1angerfield, a young radio engineer from Salt /a#e City who stopped off in San Francisco on his way to a %o" in Hawaii and now is a partner in the Straight. 4hen 2 as#ed 1angerfield how old he was he had to thin# for a minute. (2$m @@,( he said finally, ("ut 2 used to "e much older.( Another new di!ertissement, may"e, will "e a hippy "us line running up and down Haight Street, housed in a 67?: Fagol "us a huge, lum"ering !ehicle that might ha!e "een the world$s first house trailer. 2 rode in it one afternoon with the dri!er, a young hippy named Tim Thi"eau who proudly displayed a "athtu" under one of the rear seats. The "us was a spectacle e!en on Haight Street9 people stopped, stared and cheered as we rum"led "y, going nowhere at all. Thi"eau hon#ed the horn and wa!ed. He was from Chicago, he said, "ut when he got out of the Army he stopped in San Francisco and decided to stay. He was li!ing, for the moment, on unemployment insurance, and his plans for the future were hazy. (2$m in no hurry,( he said. (+ight now 2$m %ust ta#ing it easy, %ust floating along.( He smiled and reached for a "eer can in the Fagol$s ice"ox. 1angerfield and Thi"eau reflect the "lind optimism of the younger hippy element. They see themsel!es as the !anguard of a new way of life in America the psychedelic way where lo!e a"ounds and wor# is fun and people help each other. The young hippies are confident that things are going their way. The older hippies are not so sure. They$!e "een waiting a long time for the world to go their way, and those most in!ol!ed in the hip scene are hedging their "ets this time. (That "ac# to nature scene is o#ay when you$re @:,( said one. (0ut when you$re loo#ing at ?< you want to #now something$s happening to you.(

260 )d 1enson, at @8, is an ex "eatni#, ex *oldwaterite, ex 0er#eley radical and currently the manager of a successful roc# "and called Country Aoe and the Fish. His home and head&uarters is a complex of rooms a"o!e a li&uor store in 0er#eley. Cne room is an art studio, another is an office' there is also a #itchen, a "edroom and se!eral sparsely furnished areas without definition. 1enson is deeply in!ol!ed in the hippy music scene, "ut insists he$s not a hippy. (2$m !ery pessimistic a"out where this thing is going,( he said. (+ight now it$s good for a lot of people. 2t$s still !ery open. 0ut 2 ha!e to loo# "ac# at the 0er#eley scene. There was a tremendous optimism there, too, "ut loo# where all that went. The 0eat *enerationG 4here are they nowG 4hat a"out hula hoopsG Bay"e this hippy thing is more than a fad' may"e the whole world is turning on "ut 2$m not optimistic. Bost of the hippies 2 #now don$t really understand what #ind of a world they$re li!ing in. 2 get tired of hearing a"out what "eautiful people we all are. 2f the hippies were more realistic they$d stand a "etter chance of sur!i!ing.( Bost hippies ta#e the &uestion of sur!i!al for granted, "ut it$s "ecoming increasingly o"!ious as the neigh"orhood fills with penniless heads, that there is simply not enough food and lodging to go around. A partial solution may come from a group called the (1iggers,( who ha!e "een called the (wor#er priests( of the hippy mo!ement and the (in!isi"le go!ernment( of the Hash"ury. The 1iggers are young and aggressi!ely pragmatic' they ha!e set up free lodging centers, free soup #itchens and free clothing distri"ution centers. They com" the neigh"orhood soliciting donations of e!erything from money to stale "read to camping e&uipment. 1iggers$ signs are posted in local stores, as#ing for donations of hammers, saws, sho!els, shoes and anything else that !agrant hippies might use to ma#e themsel!es at least partially self supporting. The name and spirit deri!e from small groups of 68th century )nglish rural re!olutionaries, called "oth 1iggers and True /e!elers, who had a num"er of Socialist ideas. Boney should "e a"olished, communal farms could support all those willing to wor# them, and indi!idual ownership of land would "e outlawed. The 1iggers were se!erely harassed and the mo!ement e!entually ca!ed in under the weight of pu"lic oppro"rium. The Hash"ury 1iggers ha!e fared a "it "etter, "ut the demand for food and lodging is "eginning to exceed the supply. For a while, the 1iggers were a"le to ser!e three meals, howe!er meager, each afternoon in *olden *ate .ar#. 0ut as the word got around, more and more hippies showed up to eat, and the 1iggers were forced to roam far afield to get food. Cccasionally there were pro"lems, as when 1igger chieftain )mmett *rogan, @?, called a local "utcher a (Fascist pig and a coward( when he refused to donate meat scraps. The "utcher whac#ed *rogan with the flat side of his meat clea!er. The 1igger ethic of mass sharing goes along with the American 2ndian motif that is "asic to the Hash"ury scene. The cult of (tri"alism( is regarded "y many of the older hippies as the #ey to sur!i!al. .oet *ary Snyder, a hippy guru, sees a ("ac# to the land( mo!ement as the answer to the food and lodging pro"lem. He urges hippies to mo!e out of the cities, form tri"es, purchase land and li!e communally in remote areas. He cites a hippy (clan( calling itself the Baha /ila as a model Ethough the clan still dwells in the Hash"uryF9 (4ell, now,( Snydar says, (li#e, you are as#ing how it$s going to wor#. 4ell, the Baha /ila is a group of a"out three different families who ha!e sort of pooled their resources, which are not !ery great. 0ut they ha!e decided to pay together and to wor# together and to ta#e care of each other and that means all of them ha!e ways of getting a small amount of "read, which they share. And other people contri"ute a little money when it comes in. And then they wor# together on creati!e pro%ects, li#e they$re wor#ing together on a light show right now for a poetry reading that we$re going to gi!e. And they consider themsel!es a #ind of extended family or clan. (That$s the model. They relate it to a larger sense of the tri"e, which is loose, "ut for the time "eing e!ery"ody has to "e a"le from time to time to do some little %o". The thing that ma#es it

261 different is that you don$t ha!e a !ery tight monogamous family unit, "ut a slightly larger unit where the sharing is greater.( The tri"al concept ma#es a lot "etter sense than simply depending on the 1iggers. There are indications, howe!er, that the youthful pro!incialism of the Haight Ash"ury is due for a forced consciousness expansion. For the past few months, the scene has "een filled up with would "e hippies from other parts of the country, primarily /os Angeles and New Hor#. The real influx is expected this summer. The city is rife with rumors, relia"le and otherwise, that anywhere from <:,::: to @::,::: (indigent young people( will descend on San Francisco as soon as the school year ends. The 1iggers are appalled at the prospect. (4here are they going to stayG( says one. (4hat are they going to doG( A girl who wor#s in one of the 1igger #itchens shrugs and says9 (The 1iggers will continue to recei!e the casualties of the lo!e generation.( /ocal officials, from the Bayor down, are "eginning to panic. Ci!ic leaders in the Haight Ash"ury ha!e suggested that sleeping facilities "e pro!ided in *olden *ate .ar# or in near"y ,ezar Stadium "ut .olice Chief Tom Cahill said no. (/aw and order will pre!ail,( he insisted. (There will "e no sleeping in the par#. There are no sanitation facilities and if we let them camp there we would ha!e a tremendous health pro"lem. Hippies are no asset to the community. These people do not ha!e the courage to face the reality of life. They are trying to escape. No"ody should let their young children ta#e part in this hippy thing.( 2n Barch, the city$s Health 1irector, 1r. )llis Sox, sent a tas# force of inspectors on a door to door sweep of the Haight Ash"ury. +eports of as many as @:: people li!ing in one house or <: in one apartment had stirred rumors of impending epidemics in the neigh"orhood. 2n a two day "litz, eight teams of inspectors chec#ed roughtly 6,;:: "uildings and issued a total of =< deadline notices to repair sanitation faults. 0ut only 6= of the =< notices, according to The San Francisco Chronicle, were issued to occupants (whose "izarre dress and communal li!ing ha"its could class them as hippies.( 1r. Sox had no choice "ut to "ac# off. (The situation is not as "ad as we thought,( he said. (There has "een a deterioration Nof sanitationO in the Haight Ash"ury, "ut the hippies did not contri"ute much more to it than other mem"ers of the neigh"orhood.( 1r. Sox went on to deny that his mass inspection was part of a general campaign against weirdos, "ut no"ody seemed to "elie!e him. The Haight Ash"ury Neigh"orhood Council, a nonhippy group of permanent residents, denounced 1r. Sox for his (gratuitous criticism of our community.( The council accused city officials of (creating an artificial pro"lem( and harassing the hippies out of (personal and official( pre%udice. As recently as 67=@, the Haight Ash"ury was a dra", wor#ing class district, slowly filling with Negroes and so plagued "y crime and !iolence that residents formed !igilante patrols. Housewi!es were mugged on the way to the grocery store, teenagers were slashed and stomped in gang rum"les, and e!ery drun# on Haight Street was fair game for local %ac# rollers. Now, with the coming of the drug culture, e!en the s&uarest of the neigh"orhood old timers say the streets are safer than they ha!e "een for years. 0urglaries are still a pro"lem "ut !iolence is increasingly rare. 2t is hard to find anyone outside the hippy community who will say that psychedelic drugs ha!e made the neigh"orhood a "etter place to li!e. 0ut it$s e!en harder to find a person who wouldn$t rather step o!er a giggling frea# on the sidewal# than worry a"out hoodlums with switch "lades. The fact that the hippies and the s&uares ha!e wor#ed out such a peaceful coexistence seems to "affle the powers at City Hall. A lot of cheap la"els descri"e what is happening in the Hash"ury, "ut none ma#e much sense9 the /o!e *eneration, the Happening *eneration, the Com"ine *eneration and e!en the /S1

262 *eneration. The last is the "est of the lot, "ut in the interest of accuracy it should pro"a"ly "e amended to the Head *eneration. A (head,( in the language of hip, is a user of psychedelic drugs9 /S1, mari%uana E(grass(F, mescaline, peyote, methedrine, "enzedrine, and a half dozen others that are classified in the trade as mind stimulating, consciousness expanding, or (head( drugs. At the other end of the spectrum are ("ody( drugs9 opium, heroin, "ar"iturates and e!en alcohol. These are "asically depressants, while head drugs are stimulants. 0ut neither type comes with a manufacturer$s guarantee, and the Hash"ury is full of people whose minds ha!e "een %er#ed around sa!agely "y drugs that were supposed to induce peaceful euphoria. Another hazard is the widespread tendency to mix two or three drugs at one time. Acid and alcohol can "e a lethal com"ination, causing fits of !iolence, suicidal depression and a general frea# out that ends in %ail or a hospital. There is widespread concern, at least in San Francisco, a"out the dangers of so many people using so much /S1. A doctor at San Francisco *eneral Hospital says there are at least 6:,::: hippies in the Haight Ash"ury, and that a"out four of them a day wind up in a psychiatric ward on "ad trips. He estimates that acidheads ma#e up only 6Z per cent of the city$s population, "ut that the figure for the Haight Ash"ury is more li#e 6:: per cent. The estimate is a"surd' if e!ery hippy in the Hash"ury too# acid e!ery day, the percentage of users in the neigh"orhood would still "e less than <: per cent. Bany of the local s&uares try grass from time to time, "ut few ha!e wor#ed up an appetite for /S1' the difference in potency is roughly the same as the difference "etween "eer and grain alcohol. )!en among hippies, anything more than one dose of acid a wee# is considered excessi!e. Bost heads are relati!ely careful a"out their drug diets, "ut in recent months the area has attracted so many young, inexperienced hippies that pu"lic frea# outs are a fairly routine thing. Neigh"orhood cops complain that acidheads throw themsel!es in front of mo!ing cars, strip na#ed in grocery stores and run through plate glass windows. Cn wee#days, the action is a"out on a par with Bacdougal Street in *reenwich Dillage, "ut wee#end hippies and ner!ous vo'eurs from the su"ur"s ma#e Saturdays and Sundays a nightmarish traffic %am. The sidewal#s are so crowded that e!en a mild frea# out is li#ely to cause a riot. Bunicipal "uses no longer use Haight Street on wee#ends' they were rerouted after mo"s of hippies staged sit down stri#es in the street, called mill ins, which "rought all traffic to a standstill. The only "uses still running regularly along Haight Street are those from the *ray /ine, which recently added (Hippieland( to its daytime sightseeing tour of San Francisco. 2t was "illed as (the only foreign tour within the continental limits of the -nited States( and was an immediate hit with tourists who thought the Haight Ash"ury was a human zoo. The only sour note on the tour was struc# "y the occasional hippy who would run alongside the "us, holding up a mirror. /ast year in 0er#eley, hard core political radicals who had always !iewed hippies as spiritual allies "egan to worry a"out the long range implications of the Haight Ash"ury scene. Students who once were angry acti!ists were content to li!e "ac# in their pads and smile at the world through a fog of mari%uana smo#e or, worse, to dress li#e clowns or American 2ndians and stay zon#ed for days at a time on /S1. )!en in 0er#eley, political rallies during 67== had o!ertones of music, madness and a"surdity. 2nstead of pic#et signs and re!olutionary slogans, more and more demonstrators carried flowers, "alloons and colorful posters featuring slogans from 1r. Timothy /eary, the high priest of acid. The drug culture was spreading faster than political acti!ists realized. -nli#e the dedicated radicals who emerged from the Free Speech Bo!ement, the hippies were more interested in dropping out of society than they were in changing it. They were generally younger than the political types, and the press dismissed them as the (pot left,( a fri!olous gang of druggies and sex #oo#s who

263 were only along for the ride. Then +onald +eagan was elected *o!ernor "y almost a million !ote plurality. Shortly afterward, Clar# ,err was fired as president of the -ni!ersity of California a direct result of +eagan$s !ictory. 2n that same No!em"er, the *.C... gained <: seats in Congress and ser!ed a clear warning on the Aohnson Administration that despite all the headlines a"out 0er#eley and the New /eft, most of the electorate was a lot more haw#ish, hard nosed and conser!ati!e than the 4hite House antennae had indicated. The lesson was not lost on the hippies, many of whom still considered themsel!es at least part time political acti!ists. Cne of the most o"!ious casualities of the 67== elections was the New /eft$s illusion of its own le!erage. The radical hippy alliance had "een counting on the !oters to repudiate the (right wing, warmonger( elements in Congress, "ut instead it was the (li"eral( 1emocrats who got stomped. So it is no coincidence that the Haight Ash"ury scene de!eloped !ery suddenly in the winter of 67== 67=8 from the &uiet, neo 0ohemian encla!e that it had "een for four or fi!e years to the crowded, defiant dope fortress that it is today. The hippies, who had ne!er really "elie!ed they were the wa!e of the future anyway, saw the election returns as "rutal confirmation of the futility of fighting the esta"lishment on its own terms. There had to "e a whole new scene, they said, and the only way to do it was to ma#e the "ig mo!e either figurati!ely or literally from 0er#eley to the Haight Ash"ury, from pragmatism to mysticism, from politics to dope, from the hangups of protest to the peaceful disengagement of lo!e, nature and spontaneity. The credo of the Haight Ash"ury was expressed, a"out as well as it can "e, "y Aoyce Francisco, @? year old ad!ertising manager of the new hippy newspaper, The San Francisco Cracle. She was tal#ing a few months ago to a columnist from the esta"lishment press, trying to explain what the hippy phenomenon meant9 (2 lo!e the whole world,( she said. (2 am the di!ine mother, part of 0uddha, part of *od, part of e!erything.( (How do you li!eG( the columnist as#ed. (From meal to meal. 2 ha!e no money, no possessions. Boney is "eautiful only when it$s flowing' when it piles up it$s a hang up. 4e ta#e care of each other. There$s always something to "uy "eans and rice for the group, and someone always sees that 2 get grass or acid. 2 was in a mental hospital once "ecause 2 tried to conform and play the game. 0ut now 2$m free and happy.( Next &uestion9 (1o you use drugs oftenG( (Fairly. 4hen 2 find myself "ecoming confused 2 drop out and ta#e a dose of acid. 2t$s a short cut to reality' it throws you right into it. )!eryone should ta#e it, e!en children. 4hy shouldn$t they "e enlightened early, instead of waiting till they$re oldG Human "eings need total freedom. That$s where *od is at. 4e need to shed hypocrisy, dishonesty, phoniness and go "ac# to the purity of our childhood !alues.( The columnist then as#ed if Biss Francisco e!er prayed. (Ch, yes,( she said. (2 pray in the morning sun. 2t nourishes me with its energy so 2 can spread my lo!e and "eauty and nourish others. 2 ne!er pray for anything' 2 don$t need anything. 4hate!er turns me on is a sacrament9 /S1, sex, my "ells, my colors. . . that is the holy communion, you digG( The columnist wasn$t sure if she did or not, "ut she passed on the inter!iew for the "enefit of those readers who might. Bany did. Anyone who thin#s all the hippies in the 0ay Area are li!ing in the Hash"ury might %ust as well lea!e his head in the sand. 2n normal circumstances, the mushrooming popularity of psychedelics would "e a main factor in any article on hippies. 0ut the !icious excesses of our drug laws ma#e it impossi"le, or at least inhuman, to document the larger story. A %ournalist dealing with heads is caught in a strange

264 dilemma. The only way to write honestly a"out the scene is to "e part of it. 2f there is one &uic# truism a"out psychedelic drugs, it is that anyone who tries to write a"out them without firsthand experience is a fool and a fraud. Het to write from experience is an admission of felonious guilt' it is also a potential "etrayal of people whose only (crime( is the smo#ing of a weed that grows wild all o!er the world "ut the possession of which, in California, carries a minimum sentence of two years in prison for a second offense and a minimum of fi!e years for a third. So, despite the fact that the whole %ournalism industry is full of unregenerate heads %ust as many %ournalists were hard drin#ers during .rohi"ition it is not !ery li#ely that the fran#, documented truth a"out the psychedelic underworld, for good or ill, will "e illuminated at any time soon in the pu"lic prints. 2f 2 were to write, for instance, that 2 recently spent 6: days in San Francisco and was stoned almost constantly. . . that in fact 2 was stoned for nine nights out of 6: and that nearly e!eryone 2 dealt with smo#ed mari%uana as casually as they dran# "eer. . . and if 2 said many of the people 2 tal#ed to were not frea#s and dropouts, "ut competent professionals with "an# accounts and spotless reputations. . . and that 2 was amazed to find psychedelic drugs in homes where 2 would ne!er ha!e mentioned them two years ago if all this were true, 2 could write an ominous screed to the effect that the hippy phenomenon in the Haight Ash"ury is little more than a frea# show and a soft sell ad!ertisement for what is happening all around them. . . that drugs, orgies and frea# outs are almost as common to a much larger and more discreet cross section of the 0ay Area$s respecta"le, upward mo"ile society as they are to the colorful drop outs of San Francisco$s new 0ohemia. There is no shortage of documentation for the thesis that the current Haight Ash"ury scene is only the orgiastic tip of a great psychedelic ice"erg that is already drifting in the sea lanes of the *reat Society. Su"merged and uncounta"le is the mass of intelligent, capa"le heads who want nothing so much as peaceful anonymity. 2n a ner!ous society where a man$s image is fre&uently more important than his reality, the only people who can afford to ad!ertise their drug menus are those with nothing to lose. And these for the moment, at least are the young lotus eaters, the "arefoot mystics and hairy frea#s of the Haight Ash"ury all those primiti!e Christians, peaceful nay sayers and half deluded (flower children( who refuse to participate in a society which loo#s to them li#e a mean, calculated and soul destroying hoax. As recently as two years ago, many of the "est and "rightest of them were passionately in!ol!ed in the realities of political, social and economic life in America. 0ut the scene has changed since then and political acti!ism is going out of style. The thrust is no longer for (change( or (progress( or (re!olution,( "ut merely to escape, to li!e on the far perimeter of a world that might ha!e "een perhaps should ha!e "een and stri#e a "argain for sur!i!al on purely personal terms. The flourishing hippy scene is a matter of desperate concern to the political acti!ists. They see a whole generation of re"els drifting off to a drugged lim"o, ready to accept almost anything as long as it comes with enough (soma.( Ste!e 1eCanio, an ex 0er#eley acti!ist now doing graduate wor# at B.2.T., is a good example of a legion of young radicals who #now they ha!e lost their influence "ut ha!e no clear idea how to get it "ac# again. (This alliance "etween hippies and political radicals is "ound to "rea# up,( he said in, a recent letter. (There$s %ust too "ig a %ump from the slogan of $Flower .ower$ to the deadly realm of politics. Something has to gi!e, and drugs are too ready made as opiates of the people for the "astards Ethe policeF to fail to ta#e ad!antage of it.( 1ecanio spent three months in !arious 0ay Area %ails as a result of his ci!il rights acti!ities and now he is lying low for a while, waiting for an opening. (2$m spending an amazing amount of time studying,( he wrote. (2t$s mainly "ecause 2$m scared' three months on the "ottom of humanity$s trash heap got to me worse than it$s healthy to admit. The country is going to hell, the left is going to

265 pot, "ut not me. 2 still want to figure out a way to win.( Beanwhile, li#e most other disappointed radicals, he is grimly amused at the impact the hippies are ha!ing on the esta"lishment. The panic among San Francisco officialdom at the prospect of @::,::: hippies floc#ing into the Hash"ury this summer is one of the few things that ex 0er#eley radicals can still laugh at. 1ecanio$s !ision of the crisis was not written as prophecy, "ut considering the hidden reality of the situation, it may turn out that way9 (2 can see Bayor Shelley standing on the steps of the Ci!ic Center and shouting into TD microphones, $The people cry "readI 0readI /et them turn onI$ ( The Ne" )ork Times Maga?ine! Bay 6;, 67=8

When the Beatn+ks Were So,+al L+ons

SAN F+ANC2SCC. 4hat e!er happened to the 0eat *enerationG The &uestion wouldn$t mean much in 1etroit or Salt /a#e City, perhaps, "ut here it "rings "ac# a lot of memories. As recently as 67=:, San Francisco was the capital of the 0eat *eneration, and the corner of *rant and Colum"us in the section #nown as North 0each was the crossroads of the ("eat( world. 2t was a good time to "e in San Francisco. Any"ody with half a talent could wander around North 0each and pass himself off as a (comer( in the new era. 2 #now, "ecause 2 was doing it, and so was a fellow we$ll ha!e to call 4illard, the hul#ing, "earded son of a New Aersey minister. 2t was a time for "rea#ing loose from the old codes, for digging new sounds and new ideas, and for doing e!erything possi"le to unner!e the )sta"lishment. Since then, things ha!e died down. The ("eatni#( is no longer a social lion in San Francisco, "ut a social leper' as a matter of fact, it loo#ed for a while as if they had all left. 0ut the city was recently startled "y a (rent stri#e( in North 0each and as it turned out, lo and "ehold, the stri#ers were ("eatni#s.( The local papers, which once played 0eat *eneration stories as if the foundations of The System were crum"ling "efore their !ery eyes, seized on the rent stri#e with strange affection li#e a man encountering an old friend who owes him money, "ut whom he is glad to see anyway. The rent stri#e lasted only a"out two days, "ut it got people tal#ing again a"out the 0eat *eneration and its sudden demise from the American scene or at least from the San Francisco scene, "ecause it is still !ery extant in New Hor#. 0ut in New Hor# it goes "y a different name, and all the humor has gone out of it. Cne of the most surprising things a"out the rent stri#e was the fact that so few people in San Francisco had any idea what the 0eat *eneration was. An inter!iewer from a radio station went into the streets see#ing contro!ersy on (the return of the "eatni#s,( "ut drew a "lan#. .eople remem"ered the term, and not much more. 0ut the 0eat *eneration was !ery real in its day, and it has a definite place in our history. There is a mountain of material explaining the sociological aspects of the thing, "ut most of it is dated and irrele!ant. 4hat remains are the people who were in!ol!ed' most of them are still around, loo#ing "ac# with humor and affection on the uproar they caused, and drifting "y a !ariety of routes toward de"t, parenthood, and middle age. By in!ol!ement was tangential at "est. 0ut 4illard was in there at the axis of things, and in retrospect he stands out as one of the great ("eatni#s( of his time. Certainly San Francisco has good cause to remem"er him' his one and only encounter with the forces of law and order pro!ided one of the wildest 0eat *eneration stories of the era.

266 0efore San Francisco he had "een in *ermany, teaching )nglish and culti!ating an oriental type "eard. Cn his way out to the coast he stopped in New Hor# and pic#ed up a mistress with a new Ford. 2t was de rigueur! in those days, to a!oid marriage at all costs. He came to me through the recommendation of a friend then wor#ing in )urope for a 0ritish newspaper. (4illard is a great man,( said the letter. (He is an artist and a man of taste.( As it turned out, he also was a prodigious drin#er in the tradition of 0rendan 0ehan, who was said to ha!e had (a thirst so great it would throw a shadow.( 2 was ma#ing my own "eer at the time and 4illard put a great strain on the aging process' 2 had to loc# the stuff up to #eep him from getting at it "efore the appointed moment. Sadly enough, my "eer and 4illard$s impact on San Francisco were firmly lin#ed. The story is a classic, and if you tra!el in the right circles out here you will still hear it told, although not always accurately. The truth, howe!er, goes li#e this9 4illard arri!ed shortly "efore 2 pac#ed up and left for the )ast' we had a con!i!ial few wee#s, and, as a parting gesture, 2 left him a fi!e gallon %ug of "eer that 2 did not feel &ualified to transport across the nation. 2t still had a wee# or so to go in the %ug, then another few wee#s of aging in &uart "ottles, after which it would ha!e had a fla!or to ri!al the nectar of the gods. 4illard$s only tas# was to "ottle it and lea!e it alone until it was ready to drin#. -nfortunately, his thirst threw a hea!y shadow on the schedule. He was li!ing on a hill o!erloo#ing the southern section of the city, and among his neigh"ors were se!eral others of the "reed, mad drin#ers and men of strange arts. Shortly after my departure he entertained one of these gentlemen, who, li#e my man 4illard, was long on art and energy, "ut !ery short of funds. The &uestion of drin# arose, as it will in the world of art, "ut the presence of po!erty cast a "lea# light on the scene. There was, howe!er, this fi!e gallon %ug of raw, unaged home "rew in the #itchen. Cf course, it was a crude drin# and might produce "eastly and undesired effects, "ut. . . well. . . The rest is history. After drin#ing half the %ug, the two artists laid hands on se!eral gallons of "lue paint and proceeded to refinish the front of the house 4illard was li!ing in. The landlord, who li!ed across the street, witnessed this horror and called the police. They arri!ed to find the front of the house loo#ing li#e a Aac#son .ollac# can!as, and the sidewal# rapidly disappearing under a layer of sensual crimson. At this point, something of an argument ensued, "ut 4illard is = feet ;, and @?: pounds, and he pre!ailed. For a while. Some moments later the police came "ac# with reinforcements, "ut "y this time 4illard and his helper had drun# off the rest of the %ug and were eager for any #ind of action, "e it painting or friendly !iolence. The intrusion of the police had caused se!eral mottos to "e painted on the front of the house, and they were not without antisocial connotations. The landlord was weeping and gnashing his teeth, loud music emanated from the ulterior of the desecrated house, and the atmosphere in general was one of hypertension. The scene that followed can only "e li#ened to the rounding up of wild "easts escaped from a zoo. 4illard says he attempted to flee, "ut floundered on a pic#et fence, which collapsed with his weight and that of a pursuing officer. His friend clim"ed to a roof and rained curses and shingles on the unfriendly world "elow. 0ut the police wor#ed methodically, and "y the time the sun set o!er the .acific the two artists were sealed in %ail. At this point the gentlemen of the press showed up for the usual photos. They tried to coax 4illard up to the front of his cell to pose, "ut the other artist had underta#en to tip the toilet "owl out of the floor and smash it into small pieces. For the next hour, the press was held at "ay with chun#s of porcelain, hurled "y the two men in the cell. (4e used up the toilet,( 4illard recalls,

267 (then we got the sin#. 2 don$t remem"er much of it, "ut 2 can$t understand why the cops didn$t shoot us. 4e were out of our heads.( The papers had a field day with the case. Nearly all the photos of the (animal men( were ta#en with what is #nown among press photographers as (the Fran#enstein flash.( This techni&ue produces somewhat the same impression of the su"%ect as a flashlight held under his chin, "ut instead of a flashlight, the photographer simply holds his flash unit low, so that sinister shadows appear on the face of a su"%ect, and a huge shadow looms on the wall "ehind him. 2t is a techni&ue that could ma#e Casper Bil&uetoast loo# li#e the .hantom of the Cpera, "ut the effect, with 4illard, was nothing short of de!astating' he loo#ed li#e ,ing ,ong. 1espite all the !iolence, the story has a happy ending. 4illard and his friends were sentenced to six months in %ail, "ut were &uic#ly released for good "eha!ior, and neither lost any time in fleeing to New Hor#. 4illard now li!es in 0roo#lyn, where he mo!es from one apartment to another as walls fill up with paintings. His artistic method is to affix tin cans to a wall with tenpenny nails, then co!er the wall with lumpy plaster and paint. Some say he has a great talent, "ut so far he goes unrecognized except "y the long suffering San Francisco police, who were called upon to %udge what was perhaps his most ma%estic effort. 4illard was as hard to define then as he is now' pro"a"ly it is most accurate to say he had artistic inclinations and a supera"undance of excess energy. At one point in his life he got the message that others of his type were gathering in San Francisco, and he came all the way from *ermany to %oin the party. Since then, things ha!e ne!er "een the same. /ife is more peaceful in San Francisco, "ut infinitely duller. That was pretty o"!ious when the rent stri#e cropped up' for a day or so it loo#ed li#e the action was "ac# in town, "ut it was no dice. Cne of the (stri#ers,( an unemployed cartoonist with a wife and a child and a rundown apartment for which he refuses to pay rent, summed up the situation. His landlady had declined to ma#e repairs on the apartment, and instead got an e!iction order. 2n the old days, the fellow would ha!e stayed in the place and gotten tough. 0ut the cartoonist is ta#ing the path of least resistance. (2t ta#es a long time to get people e!icted,( he says with a shrug, (and we$re thin#ing of splitting to New Hor# on a freight train anyway.( That$s the way it is these days in the erstwhile capital of the 0eat *eneration. The action has gone )ast, and the only people who really seem to mourn it are the reporters, who ne!er lac#ed a good story, and a small handful of those who li!ed with it and had a few good laughs for a while. 2f 4illard returned to San Francisco today, he pro"a"ly would ha!e to settle for a %o" as a house painter. National 1bserver! April @:, 67=;

The "onstu-ent Le5t

0)+,)/)H. At the height of the (0er#eley insurrection( press reports were loaded with mentions of outsiders, nonstudents and professional trou"lema#ers. Terms li#e (Cal$s shadow college( and (0er#eley$s hidden community( "ecame part of the %ournalistic lexicon. These people, it was said, were whipping the campus into a frenzy, goading the students to re!olt, harassing the administration, and all the while wor#ing for their own fiendish ends. Hou could almost see them loping along the midnight streets with "ags of seditious leaflets, stri#e orders, red "anners of protest and ca"legrams from Boscow, .e#ing or Ha!ana. As in Bississippi and South Dietnam, outside agitators were said

268 to "e stirring up the locals, who wanted only to "e left alone. Something closer to the truth is "eginning to emerge now, "ut down around the roots of the affair the fog is still pretty thic#. The Sproul Hall sit in trials ended in a series of unexpectedly harsh con!ictions, the Free Speech Bo!ement has dis"anded, four students ha!e "een expelled and sentenced to %ail terms as a result of the (dirty word( contro!ersy, and the principal leader, Bario Sa!io, has gone to )ngland, where he$ll study and wait for word on the appeal of his four month %ail term a procedure which may ta#e as long as eighteen months. As the new semester "egins with a new and inscruta"le chancellor the mood on the 0er#eley campus is one of watchful waiting. The "asic issues of last year are still unresol!ed, and a "ig new one has "een added9 Dietnam. A massi!e nationwide sit in, with 0er#eley as a focal point, is scheduled for Ccto"er 6< 6=, and if that doesn$t open all the old wounds, then presuma"ly nothing will. For a time it loo#ed as though *o!emor )dmund 0rown had side trac#ed any legislati!e in!estigation of the uni!ersity, "ut late in August Assem"ly Spea#er Aesse -nruh, an anti 0rown 1emocrat, named himself and four colleagues to a %oint legislati!e committee that will in!estigate higher education in California. Br. -nruh told the press that (there will "e no isolated in!estigation of student faculty pro"lems at 0er#eley,( "ut in the same period he stated "efore a national conference of more than 6,::: state legislators, meeting in .ortland, that the academic community is (pro"a"ly the greatest enemy( of a state legislature. Br. -nruh is a sign of the times. For a while last spring he appeared to "e in conflict with the normally ata!istic 0oard of +egents, which runs the uni!ersity, "ut somewhere along the line a "lue chip compromise was reached, and whate!er progressi!e ideas the +egents might ha!e flirted with were lost in the summer lull. *o!ernor 0rown$s role in these negotiations has not yet "een made pu"lic. Cne of the realities to come out of last semester$s action is the new (anti outsider law,( designed to #eep (nonstudents( off the campus in any hour of turmoil. 2t was sponsored "y Assem"lyman 1on Bulford, a +epu"lican from Ca#land, who loo#s and tal#s &uite a "it li#e the (old( +ichard Nixon. Br. Bulford is much concerned a"out (su"!ersi!e infiltration( on the 0er#eley campus, which lies in his district. He thin#s he #nows that the out"urst last fall was caused "y New Hor# Communists, "eatni# per!erts and other godless elements "eyond his #en. The students themsel!es, he tells himself, would ne!er ha!e caused such a ruc#us. Cthers in Sacramento apparently shared this !iew9 the "ill passed the Assem"ly "y a !ote of <; to 66 and the Senate "y @8 to >. *o!ernor 0rown signed it on Aune @. The Bulford proposal got a good "oost, while it was still pending, when A. )dgar Hoo!er testified in 4ashington that forty three +eds of one stripe or another were in!ol!ed in the Free Speech Bo!ement. Cn hearing of this, one student grinned and said9 (4ell 2 guess that means they$ll send a"out 6:,::: Barines out here this fall. Hell, they sent @:,::: after those fifty eight +eds in Santo 1omingo. Ban, that /yndon is nothing "ut hi&+" 4here Br. Hoo!er got his figure is a matter of speculation, "ut the guess in 0er#eley is that it came from the San Francisco 8 aminer! a Hearst paper calling itself (The Bonarch of the 1ailies.( The 8 aminer is particularly influential among those who fear ,ing *eorge 222 might still "e ali!e in Argentina. The significance of the Bulford law lies not in what it says "ut in the dar#ness it sheds on the whole situation in 0er#eley, especially on the role of nonstudents and outsiders. 4ho are these thugsG 4hat manner of man would lur# on a campus for no reason "ut to twist student mindsG As anyone who li!es or wor#s around an ur"an campus #nows, !ast num"ers of students are already more radical than any +ed Br. Hoo!er could name. 0eyond that, the nonstudents and outsiders

269 California has legislated against are in the main ex students, graduates, would "e transfers, and other young acti!ist types who differ from radical students only in that they don$t carry uni!ersity registration cards. Cn any ur"an campus the nonstudent is an old and dishonored tradition. )!ery "ig city school has its fringe element9 Har!ard, New Hor# -ni!ersity, Chicago, the Sor"onne, 0er#eley, the -ni!ersity of Caracas. A dynamic uni!ersity in a modern population center simply can$t "e isolated from the realities, human or otherwise, that surround it. Br. Bulford would ma#e an island of the 0er#eley campus "ut, alas, there are too many guerrillas. 2n 67<>, 2 drifted north from ,entuc#y and "ecame a non student at Colum"ia. 2 signed up for two courses and am still getting "ills for the tuition. By home was a L6@ a wee# room in an off campus "uilding full of %azz musicians, shoplifters, mainliners, screaming poets and sex addicts of e!ery description. 2t was a good life. 2 used the uni!ersity facilities and at one point was hired to stand in a "ooth all day for two days, collecting registration fees. Twice 2 wal#ed almost the length of the campus at night with a "ig wooden "ox containing nearly L6<,:::. 2t was a wild feeling and 2$m still not sure why 2 too# the money to the "ursar. 0eing a (non( or (nco( student on an ur"an campus is not only simple "ut natural for anyone who is young, "right and con!inced that the ma%or he$s after is not on the list. Any list. A serious nonstudent is his own guidance counselor. The surprising thing is that so few people "eyond the campus #now this is going on. The nonstudent tradition seems to date from the end of 4orld 4ar 22. 0efore that it was a more indi!idual thing. A professor at Colum"ia told me that the late +... 0lac#mur, one of the most academic and scholarly of literary critics, got most of his education "y sitting in on classes at Har!ard. 2n the age of )isenhower and ,erouac, the nonstudent went a"out stealing his education as &uietly as possi"le. 2t ne!er occurred to him to %ump into campus politics' that was part of the game he had already &uit. 0ut then the decade ended. Nixon went down, and the ci!il rights sturggle "ro#e out. 4ith this, a whole army of guilt crippled )isenhower deserters found the war they had almost gi!en up hoping for. 4ith ,ennedy at the helm, politics "ecame respecta"le for a change, and students who had sneered at the idea of !oting found themsel!es %oining the .eace Corps or standing on pic#et lines. Student radicals today may call ,ennedy a phony li"eral and a glamorous sellout, "ut only the !ery young will deny that it was ,ennedy who got them excited enough to want to change the American reality, instead of %ust &uitting it. Today$s acti!ist student or nonstudent tal#s a"out ,erouac as the hipsters of the $<:s tal#ed a"out Hemingway. He was a &uitter, they say' he had good instincts and a good ear for the sadness of his time, "ut his talent soured instead of growing. The new campus radical has a cause, a multipronged attac# on as many fronts as necessary9 if not ci!il rights, then foreign policy or structural depri!ation in domestic po!erty poc#ets. 2n%ustice is the demon, and the idea is to "ust it. 4hat Bulford$s law will do to change this situation is not clear. The language of the "ill lea!es no dou"t that it shall henceforth "e a misdemeanor for any nonstudent or nonemployee to remain on a state uni!ersity or state college campus after he or she has "een ordered to lea!e, if it (reasona"ly appears( to the chief administrati!e officer or the person designated "y him to #eep order on the campus (that such person is committing an act li#ely to interfere with the peaceful conduct of the campus.( 2n anything short of riot conditions, the real !ictims of Bulford$s law will "e the luc#less flun#ies appointed to enforce it. The mind of man could de!ise few tas#s more hopeless than rushing around this 6,::: acre, @8,::: student campus in the midst of some crowded action, trying to apprehend and remo!e on sight and "efore he can flee any person who is not a Cal student and is not eligi"le for readmission. 2t would "e a nightmare of lies, false seizures, dou"le entries and certain pro!ocation. Beanwhile, most of those responsi"le for the action would "e going a"out their

270 "usiness in legal peace. 2f pure %ustice pre!ailed in this world, 1on Bulford would "e appointed to #eep order and "ag su"!ersi!es at the next campus demonstrations. There are those who seem surprised that a defecti!e rattrap li#e the Bulford law could "e endorsed "y the legislature of a supposedly progressi!e, enlightened state. 0ut these same people were surprised when .roposition 6;, which reopened the door to racial discrimination in housing, was endorsed "y the electorate last No!em"er "y a margin of nearly @ to 6. Beanwhile, the nonstudent in 0er#eley is part of the scene, a fact of life. The uni!ersity estimates that a"out ?,::: non students use the campus in !arious ways9 wor#ing in the li"rary with "orrowed registration cards' attending lectures, concerts and student films' finding %o"s and apartments !ia secondhand access to uni!ersity listings' eating in the cafeteria, and monitoring classes. 2n appearance they are indistinguisha"le from students. 0er#eley is full of wild loo#ing graduate students, "earded professors and long haired )nglish ma%ors who loo# li#e Aoan 0aez. -ntil recently there was no mention of nonstudents in campus politics, "ut at the "eginning of the Free Speech re"ellion .resident ,err said (nonstudent elements were partly responsi"le for the demonstration.( Since then, he has "ac#ed away from that stand, lea!ing it to the lawma#ers. )!en its goats and enemies now admit that the FSB re!olt was the wor# of actual students. 2t has "een a difficult fact for some people to accept, "ut a relia"le poll of student attitudes at the time showed that roughly 6>,::: of them supported the goals of the FSB, and a"out half that num"er supported its (illegal( tactics. Bore than >:: were willing to defy the administration, the *o!ernor and the police, rather than "ac# down. The faculty supported the FSB "y close to > to 6. The nonstudents nearly all sided with the FSB. The percentage of radicals among them is much higher than among students. 2t is in!aria"ly the radicals, not the conser!ati!es, who drop out of school and "ecome acti!ist non students. 0ut against this "ac#ground, their attitude hardly matters. (4e don$t play a "ig role politically,( says one. (0ut philosophically we$re a hell of a threat to the esta"lishment. Aust the fact that we exist pro!es that dropping out of school isn$t the end of the world. Another important thing is that we$re not loo#ed down on "y students. 4e$re respecta"le. A lot of students 2 #now are thin#ing of "ecoming nonstudents.( (As a nonstudent 2 ha!e nothing to lose,( said another. (2 can wor# full time on whate!er 2 want, study what interests me, and figure out what$s really happening in the world. That student routine is a drag. -ntil 2 &uit the grind 2 didn$t realize how many groo!y things there are to do around 0er#eley9 concerts, films, good spea#ers, parties, pot, politics, women 2 can$t thin# of a "etter way to li!e, can youG( Not all nonstudents worry the lawma#ers and administrators. Some are fraternity "ums who flun#ed out of the uni!ersity, "ut don$t want to lea!e the parties and the good atmosphere. Cthers are &uiet s&uares or technical types, earning money "etween enrollments and meanwhile li!ing near"y. 0ut there is no longer the sharp di!ision that used to exist "etween the "eatni# and the s&uare9 too many radicals wear ties and sport coats' too many engineering students wear "oots and le!is. Some of the most "ohemian loo#ing girls around the campus are /eft puritans, while some of the sweetest loo#ing sorority types are confirmed pot smo#ers and wear diaphragms on all occasions. Nonstudents lump one another and many students into two !ery "road groups9 (political radicals( and (social radicals.( Again, the di!ision is not sharp, "ut in general, and with a few "izarre exceptions, a political radical is a /eft acti!ist in one or more causes. His !iews are re!olutionary in the sense that his idea of (democratic solutions( alarms e!en the li"erals. He may "e a Houng Trots#yist, a 1e 0ois Clu" organizer or merely an ex Houng 1emocrat, who despairs of .resident Aohnson and is now loo#ing for action with some friends in the .rogressi!e /a"or .arty. Social radicals tend to "e (arty.( Their gigs are poetry and fol# music, rather than politics, although many are fer!ently committed to the ci!il rights mo!ement. Their political "ent is /eft, "ut their real interests are writing, painting, good sex, good sounds and free mari%uana. The realities of

271 politics put them off, although they don$t mind lending their talents to a demonstration here and there, or e!en getting arrested for a good cause. They ha!e &uit one system and they don$t want to "e organized into another' they feel they ha!e more important things to do. A report last spring "y the faculty$s Select Committee on )ducation tried to put it all in a nutshell9 (A significant and growing minority of students is simply not propelled "y what we ha!e come to regard as con!entional moti!ation. +ather than aiming to "e successful men in an achie!ement oriented society, they want to "e moral men in a moral society. They want to lead li!es less tied to financial return than to social awareness and responsi"ility.( The committee was se!erely critical of the whole uni!ersity structure, saying9 (The atmosphere of the campus now suggests too much an intricate system of compulsions, rewards and punishments' too much of our attention is gi!en to score #eeping.( Among other failures, the uni!ersity was accused of ignoring (the moral re!olution of the young.( Tal# li#e this stri#es the radicals among (the young( as paternalistic %argon, "ut they appreciate the old fol#s$ sympathy. To them, anyone who ta#es part in (the system( is a hypocrite. This is especially true among the Barxist, Bao Castro element the hipsters of the /eft. Cne of these is Ste!e 1eCanio, a @@ year old 0er#eley radical and Cal graduate in math, now facing a two month %ail term as a result of the Sproul Hall sit ins. He is doing graduate wor#, and therefore immune to the Bulford law. (2 "ecame a radical after the 67=@ auto row Eci!il rightsF demonstrations in San Francisco,( he says. (That$s when 2 saw the power structure and understood the hopelessness of trying to "e a li"eral. After 2 got arrested 2 dropped the pre med course 2$d started at San Francisco State. The worst of it, though, was "eing screwed time and again in the courts. 2$m out on appeal now with four and a half months of %ail hanging o!er me.( 1eCanio is an editor of S&ider! a wild eyed new magazine with a circulation of a"out @,::: on and around the 0er#eley campus. Cnce "anned, it thri!ed on the pu"licity and is now officially ignored "y the protest weary administration. The eight man editorial "oard is comprised of four students and four nonstudents. The magazine is dedicated, they say, to (sex, politics, international communism, drugs, extremism and roc#$n$roll.( Hence, S . 2 1 ) +. 1eCanio is a"out two thirds political radical and one third social. He is "right, small, with dar# hair and glasses, cleansha!en, and casually "ut not sloppily dressed. He listens carefully to &uestions, uses his hands for emphasis when he tal#s, and &uietly says things li#e9 (4hat this country needs is a re!olution' the society is so sic#, so reactionary, that it %ust doesn$t ma#e sense to ta#e part in it.( He li!es, with three other nonstudents and two students, in a comforta"le house on College A!enue, a few "loc#s from campus. The L6@: a month rent is split six ways. There are three "edrooms, a #itchen and a "ig li!ing room with a fireplace. .apers litter the floor, the phone rings continually, and people stop "y to "orrow things9 a pretty "londe wants a So!iet army chorus record, a Tony .er#ins type from the Ca#land 1u 0ois Clu" wants a film pro%ector' Art *old"erg the arch acti!ist who also li!es here comes storming in, shouting for help on the (Dietnam 1ays( teach in arrangements. 2t is all !ery friendly and collegiate. .eople wear plaid shirts and #ha#i pants, white soc#s and moccasins. There are "oo#s on the shel!es, cans of "eer and Co#es in the refrigerator, and a manually operated light "ul" in the "athroom. 2n the midst of all this it is weird to hear people tal#ing a"out ("ringing the ruling class to their #nees,( or (finding accepta"le synonyms for Barxist terms.( .olitical con!ersation in this house would dri!e 1on Bulford right o!er the wall. There are riffs of a"surdity and mad humor in it, "ut the "ase line remains a dead serious alienation from the (+epugnant Society( of @:th century America. Hou hear the same tal# on the streets, in coffee "ars, on the wal# near /udwig$s Fountain in front of Sproul Hall, and in other houses where acti!ists li!e

272 and gather. And why notG This is 0er#eley, which 1eCanio calls (the center of 4est Coast radicalism.( 2t has a long history of erratic politics, "oth on and off the campus. From 6766 to 676?, its Bayor was a Socialist named Stitt 4ilson. 2t has more psychiatrists and fewer "ars than any other city of compara"le size in California. And there are @;7 churches for 6@:,?:: people, of which @< percent are Negroes one of the highest percentages of any city outside the South. Culturally, 0er#eley is dominated "y two factors9 the campus and San Francisco across the 0ay. The campus is so much a part of the community that the employment and housing mar#ets ha!e long since ad%usted to student patterns. A L6:: a month apartment or cottage is no pro"lem when four or fi!e people split the rent, and there are plenty of ill paid, minimum strain %o"s for those without money from home. Tutoring, typing, cler#ing, car washing, hash slinging and "a"y sitting are all easy ways to ma#e a su"sistence income' one of the fa!orites among nonstudents is computer programing, which pays well. Therefore, 0er#eley$s nonstudents ha!e no trou"le getting "y. The climate is easy, the people are congenial, and the action ne!er dies. Aim .ric#ett, who &uit the -ni!ersity of C#lahoma and flun#ed out of San Francisco State, is another of S&ider*s nonstudent editors. (State has no community,( he says, (and the only nonstudent 2 #now of at C#lahoma is now in %ail.( .ric#ett came to 0er#eley "ecause (things are happening here.( At @?, he is a"out as far /eft as a man can get in these times, "ut his re!olutionary zeal is gimped "y pessimism. (2f we ha!e a re!olution in this country it will "e a Fascist ta#e o!er,( he says with a shrug. Beanwhile he earns L@< a wee# as S&ider*s star writer, smiting the esta"lishment hip and thigh at e!ery opportunity. .ric#ett loo#s as much li#e a +ed menace as 4ill +ogers loo#ed li#e a 0antu. He is tall, thin, "lond, and shuffles. (Hell, 2$ll pro"a"ly sell out,( he says with a faint smile. (0e a history teacher or something. 0ut not for a while.( Het there is something a"out .ric#ett that suggests he won$t sell out so easily. -nli#e many nonstudent acti!ists, he has no degree, and in the society that appalls him e!en a sellout needs credentials. That is one of the most tangi"le realities of the nonstudent' "y &uitting school he has ta#en a physical step outside the system a mo!e that more and more students seem to find admira"le. 2t is not an easy thing to repudiate not now, at any rate, while the tide is running that way. And (the system( cannot "e re%oined without some painful self realization. Bany a man has whipped up a hell of a "roth of reasons to %ustify his sellout, "ut few recommend the taste of it. The pro"lem is not li#e that of high school dropouts. They are supposedly inade&uate, "ut the acti!ist nonstudent is generally said to "e superior. (A lot of these #ids are top students,( says 1r. 1a!id .owellson, chief of Cal$s student psychiatric clinic, ("ut no uni!eristy is set up to handle them.( How, then, are these "right ma!eric#s to fit into the super "ureaucracies of go!ernment and "ig "usinessG Cal ta#es its undergraduates from the top eighth of the state$s high school graduates, and those accepted from out of state are no less (promising.( The ones who migrate to 0er#eley after &uitting other schools are usually the same type. They are see#ers distur"ed, perhaps, and perhaps for good reason. Bany drift from one uni!ersity to another, loo#ing for the right program, the right professor, the right atmosphere, and right way to deal with the deplora"le world they ha!e suddenly grown into. 2t is li#e an army of Holden Caulfields, loo#ing for a home and "eginning to suspect they may ne!er find one. These are the outsiders, the nonstudents, and the potential if not professional trou"lema#ers. There is something primiti!e and tragic in California$s effort to ma#e a law against them. The law itself is relati!ely unimportant, "ut the thin#ing that concei!ed it is a strutting example of what the crisis is all a"out. A society that will legislate in ignorance against its unfulfilled children and its angry, half desperate truth see#ers is "ound to "e sha#en as it goes a"out ma#ing a reality of mass education. 2t is a race against time, complacency and !ested interests. For the /eft acti!ist nonstudent

273 the race is !ery personal. 4hether he is right, wrong, ignorant, !icious, super intelligent or simply "ored, once he has committed himself to the extent of dropping out of school, he has also committed himself to (ma#ing it( outside the framewor# of whate!er he has &uit. A social radical presuma"ly has his talent, his pri!ate madness or some other insulated gimmic#, "ut for the political radical the only true hope is somehow to "ust the system that dro!e him into lim"o. 2n this new era many "elie!e they can do it, "ut most of those 2 tal#ed to at 0er#eley seemed a "it ner!ous. There was a singular !agueness as to the mechanics of the act, no real sense of the openings. (4hat are you going to "e doing ten years from nowG( 2 as#ed a !isiting radical in the house where S&ider is put together. (4hat if there$s no re!olution "y then, and no prospects of oneG( (Hell,( he said. (2 don$t thin# a"out that9 Too much is happening right now. 2f the re!olution$s coming, it had "etter come damn &uic#.( The Nation! !ol. @:6, Septem"er @8, 67=<

Those $ar+n* =oun* %en +n The+r #l0+n* %a,h+nes. . . A+n.t What The0 se- to BeH
Byths and legends die hard in America. 4e lo!e them for the extra dimension they pro!ide, the illusion of near infinite possi"ility to erase the narrow confines of most men$s reality. 4eird heroes and mold "rea#ing champions exist as li!ing proof to those who need it that the tyranny of (the rat race( is not yet final. /oo# at Aoe Namath, they say' he "ro#e all the rules and still "eat the system li#e a gong. Cr Hugh Hefner, the Horatio Alger of our time. And Cassius Clay Buhammad Ali who flew so high, li#e the - @, that he couldn$t &uite "elie!e it when the drone "ees shot him down. *ary .owers, the - @ pilot shot down o!er +ussia, is now a test pilot for /oc#heed Aircraft, testing newer, more (in!inci"le( planes in the cool, "right s#ies a"o!e the Bo%a!e 1esert, in the Antelope Dalley %ust north of /os Angeles. The !alley is ali!e with a!iation pro%ects, particularly at )dwards Air Force 0ase, near /ancaster, where the Air Force tests its new planes and "reeds a new, computerized !ersion of the legendary, hell for leather test pilot. Air Force "rass at )dwards is appalled at the persistence of the old (#ic# the tire, light the fire, and away we go( image. The #ey word in today$s Air Force, they insist, is (professionalism.( This made my !isit to the "ase a "it tric#y. 2t was painfully o"!ious, e!en after an hour or so of casual tal#, that the hard nosed pros on the flight line resented the drift of my con!ersation particularly when 2 as#ed a"out things li#e (dueling societies.( The Air Force has ne!er !alued a sense of humor in its career men, and in high ris# fields li#e flight testing, a sense of the a"surd will cripple a man$s future %ust as surely as an /S1 ha"it. Test pilots are !ery straight people. They are totally dedicated to their wor# and not accustomed to dealing with slip shod ci!ilians who seem e!en faintly disorganized especially writers. By image was further &ueered "y a painfully crac#ed "one in my right hand, which forced me to use my left in all formal introductions. At one point, while tal#ing to two colonels, 2 lamely explained that 2 "rea# my hand a"out once a year. (/ast time,( 2 said, (it was a motorcycle wrec# on a rainy night' 2 missed a shift "etween second and third, doing a"out se!enty on a "ad cur!e.( Qang+ That did it. They were horrified. (4hy would any"ody do a thing li#e thatG( as#ed /ieutenant Colonel Ted Sturmthal, who had %ust come "ac# from flying the huge T0 8: acoss the country at the speed of sound. /ieutenant Colonel 1ean *odwin, who is rated, along with Sturmthal, as one of the top test pilots in the Air Force, stared at me as if 2$d %ust produced a Dietcong watch

274 fo". 4e were sitting in a sort of gray plastic office near the flight line. Cutside, on the cold, gray runway, sat a plane called the S+ 86, capa"le of flying @::: m.p.h. or a"out ?6:: feet per second in the thin air on the edge of the earth$s atmosphere, nearly @: miles up. The S+ 86 has already made the - @ o"solete' the thrust of its two engines e&uals the power of ;< diesel locomoti!es and it cruises at an altitude %ust inside the realm of space flight. Het neither Sturmthal nor *odwin would ha!e "al#ed for an instant at the prospect of clim"ing into the coc#pit of the thing and pushing it as high and hard as it could possi"ly go. The Air Force has "een trying for @: years to croa# the image of the wild eyed, full force, (aim it at the ground and see if it crashes( #ind of test pilot, and they ha!e finally succeeded. The !intage $=7 test pilot is a supercautious, super trained, superintelligent monument to the Computer Age. He is a perfect specimen, on paper, and so confident of his natural edge on other #inds of men that you "egin to wonder after spending a "it of time in the company of test pilots if perhaps we might not all "e "etter off if the 4hite House could "e mo!ed, tomorrow morning, to this dreary wasteland called )dwards Air Force 0ase. 2f nothing else, my own !isit to the "ase con!inced me that Air Force test pilots see the rest of us, perhaps accurately, as either physical, mental, or moral re%ects. 2 came away from )dwards with a sense of ha!ing "een to 20B$s !ersion of Clympus. 4hy had 2 e!er left that perfect worldG 2 had "een in the Air Force once, and it had struc# me then as "eing a clumsy experiment in mass lo"otomy, using rules instead of scalpels. Now, ten years later, the Air Force still "enefits from the romantic pilot myth that its personnel managers ha!e long since destroyed. 0ac# in the good old days, when men were Ben and might was +ight and the 1e!il too# the hindmost, the peaceful desert highways in Antelope Dalley were raceways for off duty pilots on "ig motorcycles. Slow mo!ing tra!elers were fre&uently "lown off the road "y wildmen in leather %ac#ets and white scar!es, two wheeled human torpedoes defying all speed limits and heedless of their own safety. Botorcycles were !ery popular toys with the pilots of that other, older era, and many an outraged citizen was %er#ed out of his "ed at night "y the awful roar of a huge four cylinder 2ndian "eneath his daughter$s window. The image of the darede!il, speed"all pilot is preser!ed in song and story, as it were, and in films li#e the Howard Hughes classic, $ell*s Angels. .rior to 4orld 4ar 22, pilots were seen as doomed, half mythical figures, much admired for their daring, "ut not &uite sane when %udged "y normal standards. 4hile other men rode trains or chugged around the earth in Bodel Ts, "arnstorming pilots toured the nation with spectacular (a!iation shows,( dazzling the yo#els at a million county fairs. 4hen their stunts went wrong, they crashed and often died. The sur!i!ors pushed on, treating death li#e a churlish, harping creditor, toasting their own legend with "ea#ers of gin and wild parties to ward off the chill. (/i!e fast, die young, and ma#e a good locA#ing corpse.( That gag got a lot of laughs at de"utante parties, "ut in a!iation circles it seemed a "it raw, a little too close to the "one. 2t was especially pertinent to test pilots, whose %o" it was to find out which planes would fly and which ones were natural death traps. 2f the others too# lunatic ris#s, at least they too# them in pro!ed planes. Test pilots, then and now, put the products of engineers$ theories to the ultimate test. No experimental plane is (safe( to fly. Some wor# "eautifully, others ha!e fatal flaws. The Bo%a!e 1esert is poc#mar#ed with the scars of failure. Cnly the new ones are !isi"le' the older scars ha!e "een co!ered o!er "y drifting sand and mes&uite "rush. )ach funeral means more donations, from friends and sur!i!ors, to the (window fund.( The Test .ilots$ Bemorial 4indow in the chapel is a wall of colorful stained glass mosaics, paid for with donations that otherwise might ha!e gone into the purchase of short li!ed flowers. The original idea was to ha!e only one memorial window, "ut each year in!aria"ly "rought more donations, so that now there are only a few plain windows left. All the others ha!e "een replaced "y stained glass

275 memorials to the 6:: names on the pla&ue in the chapel hallway. Two or three new names are added each year, on the a!erage, "ut some years are worse than others. There were no flight test fatalities in either 67=? or 67=;. Then, in 67=<, there were eight. 2n 67==, the death count dropped to four, "ut two of these occurred on a single day, Aune >th, in a mid air crash "etween a single seat fighter and one of the only two T0 8: "om"ers e!er "uilt. That was a !ery "ad day on )dwards. Test pilots are !ery close9 They li!e and wor# together li#e a professional foot"all team' their wi!es are good friends, and their children are part of the same small world. So a dou"le fatality shatters e!ery"ody. Today$s test pilots and their families li!e nearly as close to death as the old time pilots e!er did "ut the new "reed fears it more. 4ith rare exceptions, they are married, with at least two children, and in their off duty hours they li!e as carefully and &uietly as any physics professor. A few ride little Hondas, Suzu#is, and other midget motorcycles, "ut strictly for transportation or, as one of the pilots explained, (So Bama can use the family car.( The flight line par#ing lot, where wor#ing pilots lea!e their cars, loo#s no different from any supermar#et lot in San 0ernardino. Here again, with rare exceptions, the test pilot$s earth"ound !ehicle is modest pro"a"ly a fi!e year old Ford or Che!y, perhaps a Dol#swagen, 1atsun, or other low priced import. At the other end of the flight line, in front of the test pilots$ school, the mix is a "it li!elier. Cf the ;= cars 2 counted there one afternoon, there was one Aaguar T,), one 2, 6<:, one old Bercedes with a D > Che!y engine, one Stingray' all the rest were clun#ers. A cluster of motorcycles stood near the door, "ut the hottest one in the lot was a mild mannered @<: Hamaha. The midnight roads around Antelope Dalley are &uiet these days, except for an occasional teen age drag race. Today$s test pilots go to "ed early, and they regard "ig motorcycles with the same analytical disdain they ha!e for hippies, winos, and other failure sym"ols. They ta#e their ris#s, on assignment, "etween dawn and ;9?: ..B. 0ut when their time is their own, they prefer to hun#er down in the wall to wall anonymity of their one story, flat roofed, /e!ittown style homes "etween the "ase golf course and the officers$ clu", there to relax in front of the tu"e with a succulent TD dinner. Their music is Banto!ani, and their idea of an (artist( is Norman +oc#well. Cn Friday afternoons, from four thirty to se!en, they crowd into the officers$ clu" "ar for the wee#ly (happy hour,( where most of the tal# is a"out planes and current test pro%ects. Then, %ust "efore se!en, they go home to pic# up their wi!es and dress for dinner, again at (the clu".( After dinner there will "e a "it of dancing to the %u#e"ox or may"e a small com"o. Hea!y drin#ing is out of the &uestion' a drun#en test pilot is !iewed with genuine alarm "y the others, who see any form of social excess drin#, wenching, late hours, any (unusual( "eha!ior as an indication of some deeper pro"lem, an emotional cancer of some #ind. Tonight$s %uicer is tomorrow$s or Bonday$s hango!er ris#, a pair of slow focusing eyes or an uncertain hand at the controls of a L6:: million aircraft. The Air Force has trained three generations of elite le!el pilots to a"hor any hint of foreseea"le human ris# in the flight test program. The planes, after all, are ris#y enough, they are the necessary un#nown factor in the e&uation that e!ery test pro%ect ideally "oils down to. ETest pilots are !ery hip to e&uations' they can descri"e a plane and all its characteristics, using nothing "ut num"ers.F And a cool waterhead #nows that an e&uation with only one un#nown factor is a hell of a lot simpler to cope with than an e&uation with two. The idea, then, is to minimize the chance of a second un#nown factor such as an unpredicta"le pilot that might turn a simple flight test e&uation into a scorched crater on the desert and another wa!e of donations to the (window fund.( Ci!ilian test pilots, wor#ing on contract for companies li#e 0oeing or /oc#heed, are %ust as carefully screened as their soul "rothers in the Air Force. The men who run the (military industrial complex( are not a"out to entrust the fruits of their "illion dollar pro%ects to the #ind of pilot who might "e tempted to zoom a new plane under the *olden *ate 0ridge at rush hour. The whole philosophy of research testing is to minimi?e the risk. Test pilots are sent up with specific instructions. Their %o" is to perform a set of finely plotted maneu!ers with the plane, to assess its

276 performance in specific circumstances sta"ility at high speeds, rate of acceleration at certain clim" angles, etc. and then to "ring it down safely and write a detailed report for the engineers. There are plenty of fine pilots around, "ut only a handful can communicate in the language of superad!anced aerodynamics. The "est pilot in the world e!en if he could land a 0 <@ on the Num"er )ight green at .e""le 0each without ta#ing a di!ot would "e useless on a test flight pro%ect unless he could explain, in a written report, %ust how and why the landing could "e made. The Air Force is !ery #een on people who (go "y the "oo#,( and there is! in fact, a "oo# called a technical order on e!ery piece of e&uipment in use, including planes. Test pilots can$t go "y (the "oo#,( howe!er, "ecause for all practical purposes, they are the people who write it. (4e push a plane to its a"solute limits,( said a young ma%or at )dwards. (4e want to #now exactly how it performs under e!ery concei!a"le circumstance. And then we explain it, on paper, so other pilots will #now what to expect of it.( He was standing on the flight line in a "right orange flying suit, a "aggy one piece thing full of special poc#ets and zippers and flaps. These pilots are sporty loo#ing people, !aguely resem"ling a "unch of pro foot"all &uarter"ac#s. The age "rac#et is early thirties to late forties, with a median around ?8 or ?>. The a!erage age in the -.S.A.F. Aerospace +esearch .ilot School at )dwards is ?:. No"ody o!er ?@ is accepted' few pilots younger than @7 ha!e logged enough air time to &ualify. From a list of =:: to 6::: applicants each year, the school pic#s two classes of 6= men each. 4ashouts are rare' the screening process is so thorough that no candidate who appears to "e e!en faintly &uestiona"le sur!i!es the final cut. Forty one of the nation$s =? astronauts are graduates of the test pilots$ school a military !ersion of Cal Tech and B.2.T. the ultimate in a!iation academics. A sense of elitism is per!asi!e among test pilots. There are less than 6:: of them on )dwards, with se!eral hundred more spread out on testing pro%ects from coast to coast. 0ut )dwards is the capital of their world. (2t$s li#e the 4hite House,( says recently retired Colonel Aoseph Cotton. (After )dwards, the only direction a test pilot can go is down' any other assignment is practically a demotion.( Colonel Cotton is the man who sa!ed one of the L?<: million experimental T0 8:s "y short circuiting a computer with a paper clip. The huge plane$s landing gear had %ammed, ma#ing it impossi"le to land. (Hou can$t argue with a "lac# "ox,( said the colonel, (so we had to fool it.( 4hile the plane circled the "ase and engineers on the ground radioed careful instructions, Aoe Cotton too# a flashlight and a paper clip and crawled into the dar# landing gear "ay to perform critical surgery in a maze of wires and relays. 2ncredi"ly, it wor#ed. He managed to short the faulty circuit out of the chain of command, as it were, and tric# the computer into lowering the landing gear. The plane landed with loc#ed "ra#es and flaming tires, "ut no serious damage and (Aoe Cotton$s paper clip( was an instant legend. 2 found Colonel Cotton at his new home in /ancaster, pacing around his li!ing room while his wife tried to place a call to a fellow pilot whose teen age son had "een #illed the day "efore in a motorcycle accident. The funeral was set for the next afternoon, and the whole Cotton family was going. EThe flight line was empty the next day. The only pilot in the test operations "uilding was a !isiting 0ritisher. All the others had gone to the funeral.F Aoe Cotton is ;8, one of the last of the precomputer generation. 0y today$s standards, he wouldn$t e!en &uality for test pilot training. He is not a college graduate, much less a master of ad!anced calculus with an honors degree in math or science. 0ut the young pilots at )dwards spea# of Aoe Cotton as if he were already a myth. He is not &uite real, in their terms9 a shade too complex, not entirely predicta"le. At a recent symposium for the Society of )xperimental Test .ilots, Colonel Cotton showed up wearing a Bic#ey Bouse wristwatch. All the other pilots thought it was (great( "ut none of them rushed out to "uy one for themsel!es. Aoe Cotton is a !ery gentle, small "oned man with an o"sessi!e interest in almost e!erything.

277 4e tal#ed for nearly fi!e hours. 2n an age of stereotypes, he manages to sound li#e a patriotic hippie and a Christian anarchist all at once. (The greatest &uality you can "uild into a plane,( he says, (is the &uality of forgi!eness.( Cr9 (Ha!ing control of that airplane is li#e ha!ing control of your life' you don$t want it wandering around up there, trying to get into a spin and crash. . . (Flight testing is a "eautiful rac#et. . . 0eing a test pilot on the Bo%a!e 1esert in America is the greatest expression of freedom 2 can thin# of. . .( And suddenly9 (+etiring from the Air Force is li#e getting out of a cage. . .( 2t is always a "it of a shoc# to meet an original, unfettered mind, and this was precisely the difference "etween Colonel Aoe Cotton and the young pilots 2 met on the "ase. The Air Force computers ha!e done their wor# well9 They ha!e screened out all "ut the near perfect specimens. And the science of a!iation will "enefit, no dou"t, from the ultimate perfection of the flight test e&uation. Cur planes will "e safer and more efficient, and e!entually we will "reed all our pilots in test tu"es. .erhaps it will "e for the "est. Cr may"e not. The last &uestion 2 as#ed Aoe Cotton was how he felt a"out the war in Dietnam, and particularly the antiwar protests. (4ell,( he said, (anytime you can get people emotionally distur"ed a"out war, that$s good. 2$!e "een an Air Force pilot most of my life, "ut 2$!e ne!er thought 2 was put on earth to #ill people. The most important thing in life is concern for one another. 4hen we$!e lost that, we$!e lost the right to li!e. 2f more people in *ermany had "een concerned a"out what Hitler was doing, well. . .( He paused, half aware and only half caring, it seemed that he was no longer tal#ing li#e a colonel %ust retired from the -.S. Air Force. (Hou #now,( he said finally. (4hen 2 fly o!er /os Angeles at night, 2 loo# down at all those lights. . . six million people down there. . . and that$s how many Hitler #illed. . .( He shoo# his head. 4e wal#ed outside, and when Aoe Cotton said good night, he smiled and extended his left hand remem"ering, somehow, after all that ram"ling tal#, that 2 couldn$t use my right. The next afternoon, in the officer$s clu" "ar, 2 decided to "roach the same &uestion a"out the war in a friendly con!ersation with a young test pilot from Dirginia, who had spent some time in Dietnam "efore his assignment to )dwards. (4ell, 2$!e changed my mind a"out the war,( he said. (2 used to "e all for it, "ut now 2 don$t gi!e a damn. 2t$s no fun anymore, now that we can$t go up north. Hou could see your targets up there, you could see what you hit. 0ut hell, down south all you do is fly a pattern and drop a "unch of "om"s through the clouds. There$s no sense of accomplishment.( He shrugged and sipped his drin#, dismissing the war as a sort of pointless e&uation, an irrele!ant pro"lem no longer deser!ing of his talents. An hour or so later, dri!ing "ac# to /os Angeles, 2 pic#ed up a newscast on the radio9 Student riots at 1u#e, 4isconsin, and 0er#eley' oil slic# in the Santa 0ar"ara Channel' ,ennedy murder trials in New Crleans and /os Angeles. And suddenly )dwards Air Force 0ase and that young pilot from Dirginia seemed a million miles away. 4ho would e!er ha!e thought, for instance, that the war in Dietnam could "e sol!ed "y ta#ing the fun out of "om"ingG -ageant! Septem"er 67=7

The Pol+,e Ch+e5

The -rofessional 5oice of 2a" 8nforcement 4eapons are my "usiness. Hou name it and 2 kno" it9 guns, "om"s, gas, fire, #ni!es and e!erything else. 1amn few people in the world #now more a"out weaponry than 2 do. 2$m an expert

278 on demolition, "allistics, "lades, motors, animals anything capa"le of causing damage to man, "east or structure. This is my &rofession! my "ag, my trade, my thing. . . my e!il specialty. And for this reason the editors of Scanlan$s ha!e as#ed me to comment on a periodical called The -olice /hief. At first 2 refused. . . "ut !arious pressures soon caused me to change my mind. Boney was not a factor in my decision. 4hat finally spurred me to action was a sense of duty, e!en urgency, to ma#e my !oice heard. 2 am, as 2 said, a pro and in this foul and desperate hour in our history 2 thin# e!en pros should spea# up. Fran#ly, 2 lo!e this country. And also, &uite fran#ly, 2 despise "eing put in this position for a lot of reasons, which 2 don$t mind listing9 6F For one thing, the press used to ha!e a good rule a"out not tal#ing a"out each other no matter what they thought, or e!en what they kne". 2n the good old days a newspaperman would always protect his own #ind. There was no way to get those "astards to testify against each other. 2t was worse than trying to ma#e doctors testify in a malpractice suit, or ma#ing a "eat cop s&ueal on his "uddy in a (police "rutality( case. @F The reason 2 #now a"out things li#e (malpractice( and (police "rutality( is that 2 used to "e a (cop( a police chief, for that matter, in a small city %ust east of /os Angeles. And "efore that 2 was a "oss detecti!e in Ne!ada and "efore that a "eat cop in Ca#land. So 2 #now what 2$m tal#ing a"out when 2 say most (%ournalists( are lying shitheads. 2 ne!er #new a reporter who could e!en sa' the word (corrupt( without pissing in his pants from pure guilt. ?F The third reason for the "ad way 2 feel a"out this (article( is that 2 used to ha!e tremendous faith in this magazine called The -olice /hief. 2 read it co!er to co!er e!ery month, li#e some people read the 0i"le, and the cit' &aid for m' subscri&tion. 0ecause they #new 2 was !alua"le to them, and The -olice /hief was !alua"le to me. 2 loved that goddamn magazine. 2t taught me things. 2t #ept me ahead of the game. 0ut no more. Things are different now and not %ust for me either. As a respected law enforcement official for @: years in the 4est, and now as a weapons consultant to a political candidate in Colorado, 2 can say from long and tremendous experience that The -olice /hief has turned to cheap %elly. As a pu"lication it no longer excites me, and as a phony Doice of the 0rotherhood it ma#es me sic# with rage. Cne night in Ca#land, a"out a dozen years ago, 2 actually got my roc#s off from reading the ad!ertisements. . . 2 hate to admit such a thing, "ut it$s true. 2 remem"er one ad from Smith 3 4esson when they first came out with their dou"le action . ;; Bagnum re!ol!er9 @;: grains of hot lead, exploding out of a "ig pipe in your hand at 6@:: feet per second. . . and super accurate, e!en on a running target. -p until that time we$d all thought the .?<8 Bagnum was %ust a"out the "ee$s nuts. F02 filed tests had pro!ed what the .?<8 could do9 in one case, with F02 agents gi!ing fire pursuit to a carload of fleeing suspects, an agent in the pursuing car "rought the whole chase to an end with a single shot from his .?<8 re!ol!er. His slug penetrated the trun# of the fleeing car, then the "ac# seat, then the upper torso of a "ac# seat passenger, then the front seat, then the nec# of the dri!er, then the dash"oard, and finally im"edded itself in the engine "loc#. 2ndeed, the .?<8 was such a terrifying weapon that for ten years only &ualified mar#smen were allowed to carry them. So it %ust a"out dro!e me crazy when %ust after 2$d &ualified to carry a .?<8 2 pic#ed up a new issue of The -olice /hief and saw an ad for the .;; Bagnum, a "rand new re!ol!er with t"ice the !elocity and t"ice the stri#ing power of the (old( .?<8. Cne of the first real life stories 2 heard a"out the .;; Bagnum was from a Tennessee sheriff whom 2 met one spring at a law enforcement conference in St. /ouis. (Bost men can$t handle the goddamn thing,( he said. (2t #ic#s worse than a goddamn "azoo#a, and it hits li#e a goddamn A "om". /ast wee# 2 had to chase a nigger downtown, and when he got so far away that he couldn$t e!en hear my warning yell, 2 %ust pulled down on the "astard with this .;; Bagnum and "lew the

279 head clean off his "ody with one shot. All we found were some teeth and one eye"all. The rest was all mush and "one splinters.( 4ell. . . let$s face it' that man was a "igot. 4e$!e learned a lot a"out racial pro"lems since then. . . "ut e!en a nigger could read The -olice /hief in 678: and see that we ha!en$t learned much a"out weapons. Today$s "eat cop in any large city is a sitting duc# for snipers, rapers, dope addicts, "om" throwers and communist fruits. These scum are well armed with -.S. Army weapons and that$s why 2 finally &uit official police wor#. As a weapons specialist 2 saw clearly in the years "etween 67=: and 67=7 that the Army$s weapons testing program on the 2ndo Chinese peninsula was ma#ing huge strides. 2n that acti!e decade the "asic military cartridge de!eloped from the ancient ?:.:= to the neuter .?:> to a rapid fire .@@?. That lame old chestnut a"out (sharpshooters( was finally muscled aside "y the pro!en !alue of sustained firescreens. The hand thrown grenade was replaced, at long last, "y the porta"le grenade launcher, the Claymore mine and the fiery missile cluster. 2n the simplest of technical terms, the #ill potential of the indi!idual soldier was increased from 6.= per second to @=.; per second or nearly fi!e ,. points higher than .entagon figures indicate we would need to pre!ail in a land war with China. So the reason for this nation$s dismal failure on the 2ndo Chinese peninsula lies not in our weapons technology, "ut in a failure of "ill. Hes. Cur *.2.$s are doomed in Dietnam, Cam"odia, /aos, Thailand, 0urma, etc. for the same insane reason that our law enforcement agents are doomed in /os Angeles, New Hor# and Chicago. They ha!e "een shackled! for years, "y cowardly faggots and spies. Not all were conscious traitors' some were morally wea#, others were !ictims of drugs, and many were simply crazy. . . /et$s face it. The ma%ority of people in this country are mentally ill. . . and this illness unfortunately extends into all wal#s of life, including law enforcement. The illness is manifest in our National Stance from 0ang#o# to 0angor, to coin a phrase, "ut to those of us still dying on our feet in the dry rot of middle America there is no worse pain and no more hideous proof of the plague that afflicts us all than the #nowledge of what has happened to The -olice /hief! a magazine we once lo!ed "ecause it was great. 0ut let$s ta#e a loo# at it now. The editor in chief is an F02 dropout "y the name of Muinn Tamm, a middle aged career cop who ruined his whole life one day "y accidentally wal#ing on the fighting side of A. )dgar Hoo!er$s wiretap fetish. Tamm is legally sane "y (li"eral( standards "ut in grass roots police circles he is primarily #nown as the model for Bitch *reenhill$s famous song (.ig in the Stash.( The real editor of the magazine is a woman named .itcher. 2 #new her in the old days, "ut Tamm$s son does most of the wor#, anyway. . . Cne of the most frightening things a"out The -olice /hief is that it calls itself (The .rofessional Doice of /aw )nforcement.( 0ut all it really is, is a house organ for a gang of high salaried pansies who call themsel!es the (2nternational Association of Chiefs of .olice, 2nc.( How a"out thatG Here$s a crowd of suc# asses putting out this magazine that says it$s the !oice of cops. 4hich is "ullshit. All you ha!e to do is loo# at the goddamn thing to see what it is. /oo# at the ad!ertising' Fag toolsI 0reathalysers, (paralyzers,( gas mas#s, sirens, funny little car radios with !oice scram"lers so the scum can$t listen in. . . "ut no ATTAC, 4)A.CNSIII Not oneI The last really functional weapon that got mentioned in The -olice /hief was the (Nutcrac#er Flail,( a com"ination clu" and pincers a"out three feet long that can cripple almost any"ody. 2t wor#s li#e a huge pair of pliers9 the officer first flails the li!ing shit out of any"ody he can reach. . . and then, when a suspect falls, he swiftly applies the (nutcrac#er( action, gripping the !ictim$s nec#, extremities or genitals with the powerful pincers at the (reaching( end of the tool, then s&ueezing until all resistance ceases. 0elie!e me, our city streets would "e a lot safer if e!ery "eat cop in the nation carried a Nutcrac#er Flail. . . So why is this fine weapon no longer ad!ertised in -/. 2$ll tell you why9 for the

280 same reason they no longer ad!ertise the .;; Bagnum or the fantastically efficient Stoner rifle that can shoot through "ric# walls and ma#e hash of the ra""le inside. Hes. . . and also for the same reason they won$t ad!ertise The *rowler, a mo"ile sound unit that emits such unholy shrie#s and roars that e!ery human "eing within a radius of ten city "loc#s is paralyzed with un"eara"le pain9 they collapse in their trac#s and curl up li#e worms, losing all control of their "owels and "leeding from the ears. )!ery .1 in the country should ha!e a *rowler, "ut the .C won$t ad!ertise it "ecause they$re afraid of hurting their image. They want to "e 2158,. 2n this critical hour we don$t need lo!e, we need 4)A.CNS the newest and "est and most efficient weapons we can get our hands on. This is a time of extreme &eril. The rising tide is almost on us. . . "ut you$d ne!er #now it from reading The -olice /hief. /et$s loo# at the Aune 678: issue9 The first thing we get is a "unch of gi""erish written "y the police chief of Biami, Florida, saying (the law enforcement system Nin the -.S.A.O is doomed to failure.( Facing this is a full page ad for the Smith 3 4esson (Street Cleaner,( descri"ed as a (.epper Fog tear smo#e generator. . . loaded with a new Super Strength Type CS NgasO %ust de!eloped "y *en. Crdnance.( The (Street Cleaner( with Super CS (not only sends the meanest trou"lema#ers running. 2t con!inces them not to come "ac#. . . Hou can trigger anything from a 6 second puff to a 6: minute deluge. . . 1o 'ou ha!e a Street Cleaner yetG( 2n all fairness, the .epper Fogger is not a "ad tool! "ut it$s hardly a weapon. 2t may con!ince trou"le ma#ers not to come "ac# in ten minutes, "ut wait a few hours and the scum will "e "ac# in your face li#e wild rats. The o"!ious solution to this pro"lem is to a"andon our o"session with tear gas and fill the Street Cleaner with a ner!e agent. CS only slaps at the pro"lem9 ner!e gas sol!es it. Het the "ul# of all ad!ertising in the -/ is de!oted to tear gas weapons9 Federal /a"oratories offers the @:6 P gun, along with the Fed @?? )mergency ,it, featuring (Speed heat( grenades and gas pro%ectiles guaranteed to (pierce "arricades.( The AA2 Corporation offers a (multi purpose grenade that can$t "e thrown "ac#.( And, from /a#e )rie Chemical, we ha!e a new #ind of gas mas# that (protects against CS.( EThis difference is crucial' the ad explains that army surplus gas mas#s do well enough against the now o"solete CN gas, "ut they$re !irtually useless against CS (the powerful irritant agent that more and more departments are turning to and that$s now $standard$ with the National *uard.(F -nfortunately, this is a"out as far as The -olice /hief goes, in terms of weapons Eor toolsF information. Cne of the few interesting items in the non weapons category is a (scram"ler ( for (police "and( car radios so (the enemy( can$t listen in. 4ith the (scram"ler,( e!erything will sound li#e 1onald 1uc#. The only consistently useful function of the -/ is the old faithful (.ositions Cpen( section. For instance9 Charlotte, N.C., needs a (firearms identification expert( for the new city county crime la". )llen!ille, N.H. is loo#ing for a new chief of police, salary (6:,<:: with li"eral fringe "enefits.( 2ndeed. And the -.S. 1epartment of Austice is (now recruiting Special Agents for the 0ureau of Narcotics and 1angerous 1rugs.( The ad says they need (a sizea"le num"er( of new agents, to start at L>:7> per annum, (with opportunity for premium o!ertime pay to gross up to L6:,:::.( E2n my opinion, only a lunatic or a dope addict would do narc wor# for that #ind of money. The hours are "rutal and the ris#s are worse9 2 once had a friend who went to wor# as a drug agent for the feds and lost "oth of his legs. A girl he was trusting put /S1 in his "eer, then too# him to a party where a gang of !icious frea#s snapped his femurs with a meat ax.F /et$s face it9 we li!e in sa!age times. Not only are (cops( called pigs they are treated li#e swine and eat worse than hogs. Het the -/ still carries ad!ertising for (..2.*.( tie claspsI 4hat #ind of two legged scumsuc#er would wear a thing li#e thatG 4HH A+) 4) *+CD)/2N*G This is the rootnut &uestionI 4hy has the once great -olice /hief turned on its ran# and fileG

281 Are we du&es. 1o the +ed .ansies want to destro' usG 2f not, why do they moc# all we "elie!e inG So it should come as no surprise to the self proclaimed pigs who put out The -olice /hief that most of us no longer turn to that soggy pin# magazine when we$re loo#ing for serious information. .ersonally, 2 prefer the Shooting Times! or (uns @ Ammo. Their editorials on (gun control( are pure "alls of fire, and their classfied ads offer e!ery concei!a"le #ind of "eastly weapon from "rass #nuc#les and "lowguns to @: mm. cannons. Another fine source of weapons info particularly for the pri!ate citizen is a little #nown "oo# titled, $o" to ,efend )ourself! )our Famil'! and )our $ome a /om&lete (uide to Self# -rotection. Now here is a "oo# with real classI 2t explains, in ?:8 pages of fine detail, how to set "oo"y traps in your home so that (midnight intruders( will destroy themsel!es upon entry' it tells which type of shotgun is "est for rapid fire wor# in narrow hallways Ea sawed off dou"le "arreled 6@ gauge' one "arrel loaded with a huge tear gas slug, the other with 1ou"le C "uc#shotF. This "oo# is in!alua"le to anyone who fears that his home might "e in!aded, at any moment, "y rioters, rapers, looters, dope addicts, niggers, +eds or any other group. No detail has "een spared9 dogs, alarm wiring, screens, "ars, poisons, #ni!es, guns. . . ah yes, this is a wonderful "oo# and highly recommended "y the National .olice Cfficers Association of America. This is a !ery different group from the police chiefs. Dery different. 0ut why grapple now with a "oo# of such massi!e statureG 2 need time to ponder it and to run tests on the many weapons and de!ices that appear in the text. No professional would attempt to deal lightly with this "oo#. 2t is a rare com"ination of sociology and stone craziness, laced with weapons technology on a le!el that is rarely encountered. Hou will "ant this "oo#. 0ut 2 want you to kno" it first. And for that, 2 need time. . . to deal smartly with the "ugger on its own terms. No pro would settle for less. +aoul 1u#e EBaster of 4eaponryF Scanlan*s Monthl'! !ol. 6, no. 8, A-N) 678:

PART D

The Great Shark Hunt

Four#thirt' in /o?umel no": da"n is coming u& on these gentle "hite beaches looking "est at the )ucatan /hannel. Thirt' 'ards from m' &atio here at /abaRas del /aribe! the surf is rolling u&! ver' softl'! on the beach out there in the darkness be'ond the &alm trees. Man' vicious mos9uitoes and sand fleas out here tonight. There are FH units in this rambling beach#front hotel! but m' room number <=J is the onl' one full of light and music and movement. 3 have both m' doors and all four "indo"s &ro&&ed o&en a huge bright magnet for ever' bug on the island. . . Aut 3 am not being bitten. 8ver' inch of m' bod' from the soles of m'

282 bleeding bandaged feet to the to& of m' sun#scorched head is covered "ith F#<= 3nsect Re&ellent! a chea& foul#smelling oil "ith no redeeming social or aesthetic characteristics e ce&t that it "orks. These goddamn bugs are all around settling on the notebook! m' "rist! m' arms! circling the rim of m' tall glass of Aacardi ARe4o and ice. . . but no bites. 3t has taken about si da's to solve this hellish bug &roblem. . . "hich is e cellent ne"s on the one level! but! as al"a's! the solution to one &roblem 4ust &eels back another la'er and e &oses some ne" and more sensitive area. At this stage of the gig! things like mos9uitoes and sand fleas are the least of our "orries. . . because in about t"o hours and == minutes 3 have to get out of this hotel "ithout &a'ing an unnaturall' massive bill! drive about three miles do"n the coast in a rented 5% Safari that can*t be &aid for! either! and "hich ma' not even make it into to"n! due to serious mechanical &roblems and then get m' technical advisor )ail Aloor out of the MesSn San Miguel "ithout &a'ing his bill! either! and then drive us both out to the air&ort in that goddamn 4unk Safari to catch the C:BH Aerome ico flight to MTrida and Monterre'! "here "e*ll change &lanes for San Antonio and ,enver. So "e are looking at a ver' heav' da'. . . =HHH miles bet"een here and home! no cash at all! ten brutall' e &ensive da's in three hotels on the Striker Aluminum )achts credit tab! "hich 4ust got 4erked out from under us "hen the local -R team decided "e "ere acting too "eird to be "hat "e claim to be and so no" "e are do"n to about MEE e tra bet"een us "ith m' bill at the /abaRas hovering around MFBH and Aloor*s at the San Miguel not much less &lus << da's for that "retched car from the local Avis dealer "ho alread' hit me for MEH cash for a broken "indshield! and (od onl' kno"s ho" much he*ll demand "hen he sees "hat condition his car is in no". . . &lus about MEHH "orth of black coral that "e ordered u& from /hina: doubled#thumbed fist! coke s&oons! sharks* teeth! etc. . . and that M<=H <>#kt.#gold chain at the market. . . also Sand'*s black#coral necklace. %e "ill need all available cash for the black#coral deal so things like hotel bills and car rentals "ill have to be &ut off and &aid b' check! if an'bod' "ill take one. . . or charged to Striker Aluminum )achts! "hich got me into this goddamn t"isted scene in the first &lace. Aut the Striker &eo&le are no longer "ith us: e treme out#front hostilit'. Aruce! Jo'ce even the bogus lecher 8duardo. $o" did "e blo" the image. (1ear Br. Thompson. . . Here$s some "ac#ground information on the Cozumel cruise and international fishing tournament. . . +egarding the cruise schedule, a"out 6; Stri#ers will lea!e Fort /auderdale on April @?, arri!ing iin ,ey 4est that night, lea!ing ,ey 4est midday on the @<th, to assure s#irting the Cu"an coast in the daytime, and arri!ing in Cozumel midafternoon on the @8th or @>th. 2n addition to the pro!en sailfishing, there will "e a Barlin Cnly 1ay on Saturday Bay sixth, in the initial attempt on any !olume "asis to determine how good the "lue marlin fishing is. . . )ach night during the tournament, there are coc#tail parties with o!er @<: people attending, mariachi and island music, etc. . . 4e are happy you can ma#e the trip. . . Flights lea!e Biami daily for Cozumel at @9;< ..B. Hou will need a Bexican tourist card, which you can pic# up at the Bexican Tourism 1epartment, 6:: 0iscayne 0oule!ard, +oom =6@ Biami. There are no shots re&uired. Sincerely, Terence A.0yrne .u"lic +elations +epresentati!e Stri#er Aluminum Hachts Fort /auderdale, Florida 2ndeed. . . no shots9 %ust a tourist card, plenty of Coppertone, a new pair of Top siders and a fine gringo smile for the customs officers. The letter called up !isions of hea!y sport on the high seas, mono a mono with giant sailfish and world record marlin. . . +eeling the "astards in, fighting off shar#s with "ig gaffs, strapped into a soft white Naugahyde fighting chair in the coc#pit of a "ig

283 power cruiser. . . then "ac# to the har"or at dus# for a "race of gin and tonics, tall drin#s in the sunset, lounging around in cool dec# chairs while the crew chops up "ait and a strolling mariachi "and roams on the pier, wailing mournful Clmec lo!e songs. .. . Ah, yes, 2 was definitely ready for it. Sixteen months of straight politics had left me reeling around on the "rin# of a ner!ous "rea#down. 2 needed a change, something totally different from my normal line of wor#. Co!ering politics is a !icious, health ripping ordeal that often re&uires eight or nine shots at once twice or three times a wee# in the pea# season so this unexpected assignment to (co!er( a deep sea fishing tournament off the HucatVn coast of Bexico was a welcome relief from the horrors of the campaign trail in 678@. +ight. Things would "e different now9 hot sun, salt air, early to "ed and early to rise. . . This one had all the signs of a high style "ag %o"9 Fly off to the Cari""ean as a guest of the idle rich, hang around on their "oats for a wee# or so, then cran# out a left handed story to co!er expenses and pay for a new motorcycle "ac# in the +oc#ies. The story itself was a "it on the hazy side, "ut the editor at -2A)A1) said not to worry. Almost e!ery"ody unfortunate enough to ha!e had any dealings with me since the campaign ended seemed con!inced that 2 was in serious need of a !acation a cooling out period, a chance to "ac# off and this fishing tournament in Cozumel loo#ed %ust a"out perfect. 2t would pry my head out of politics, they said, and force me off in a new direction out of the !alley of death and "ac# toward the land of the li!ing. There was, howe!er, a #in#9 2 had %ust come back from (!acation.( 2t was the first one 2$d e!er attempted, or at least the first one 2$d tried since 2 was fired from my last regular %o" on Christmas 1ay in 67<>, when the production manager at Time magazine ripped up my punch card in a stuttering rage and told me to get the fuc# out of the "uilding. Since then 2 had "een unemployed in the formal sense of that word and when you$!e "een out of wor# for 6; years, it$s almost impossi"le to relate to a word li#e !acation. So 2 was extremely ner!ous when circumstances compelled me, in the late winter of $8@, to fly to Cozumel with my wife, Sandy, in order to do nothing at all. Three days later 2 ran out of air in a rip tide, 7: feet down on .alancar +eef, and 2 came so close to drowning that they said, later, 2 was luc#y to get off with a serious case of the "ends. The nearest decompression cham"er was in Biami, so they chartered a plane and flew me there that same night. 2 spent the next 67 days in a pressurized sphere somewhere in downtown Biami, and when 2 finally came out, the "ill was L?:::. By wife finally located my attorney in a drug commune on the outs#irts of Bazatlan. He flew immediately to Florida and had the courts declare me a pauper so 2 was a"le to lea!e without legal pro"lems. 2 went "ac# to Colorado with the idea of resting for at least six months. 0ut three days after 2 got home, this assignment came in to co!er the fishing tournament. 2t was a natural, they said, "ecause 2 was already familiar with the island. And "esides, 2 needed a change from politics. 4hich was true, in a way "ut 2 had my own reasons for wanting to go "ac# to Cozumel. Cn the e!ening "efore my near fatal scu"a di!e on .alancar +eef, 2 had stashed <: units of pure B1A in the ado"e wall of the shar# pool at the local a&uarium next to the Hotel 0arracuda and this stash had "een much on my mind while 2 was reco!ering from the "ends in the Biami hospital. So when the Cozumel assignment came through, 2 dro!e immediately into town to consult with my old friend and drug crony Hail 0loor. 2 explained the circumstances in detail, then as#ed his ad!ice. (2t$s clear as a fuc#ing "ell,( he snapped. (4e$ll ha!e to go down there at once. Hou$ll handle the fishermen while 2 get the drugs.( These were the circumstances that sent me "ac# to Cozumel in late April. Neither the editor nor the high powered sport fishing crowd we$d "e dealing with had any notion of my real reason for ma#ing the trip. 0loor #new, "ut he had a !ested interest in maintaining the co!er "ecause 2 was

284 passing him off, on the ta", as my (technical ad!isor.( 2t made perfect sense, 2 felt9 2n order to co!er a highly competiti!e situation, you need plenty of trustworthy help. 4hen 2 got to Cozumel, on Bonday afternoon, e!ery"ody on the island with any clout in the tourism "usiness was half mad with excitement at the idea of ha!ing a genuwine, real life (-2A)A1) writer( in their midst for a wee# or ten days. 4hen 2 slumped off the plane from Biami, 2 was greeted li#e 0uffalo 0ill on his first trip to Chicago a whole gaggle of pu"lic relations specialists met the plane, and at least three of them were waiting for me: 4hat could they do for meG 4hat did 2 "ant. How could they ma#e my life pleasantG Carry my "agsG 4ell. . . why notG To where 4ell. . . 2 paused, sensing an unexpected opening that could lead almost anywhere. . . (2 thin# 2$m supposed to go to the Ca"a\as,( 2 said. (0ut ( (No,( said one of the handlers, (you ha!e a press suite at Cozumeleno.( 2 shrugged. (4hate!er$s right,( 2 muttered. (/et$s roll.( 2$d as#ed the tra!el agent in Colorado to get me one of those D4 Safari %eeps the same #ind 2$d had on my last trip to Cozumel "ut the .+ crowd at the airport insisted on ta#ing me straight to the hotel. By %eep they said, would "e deli!ered within the hour, and in the meantime, 2 was treated li#e some #ind of high style dignitary9 A few people actually addressed me as (Br. .lay"oy( and the others #ept calling me (sir.( 2 was hustled into a waiting car and whis#ed off along the two lane "lac#top highway through the palm %ungle and out in the general direction of the American Strip, a cluster of "each front hotels on the northeast end of the island. 1espite my lame protests, they too# me to the newest, "iggest and most expensi!e hotel on the island a huge, star# white concrete hul# that reminded me of the Ca#land city %ail. 4e were met at the des# "y the manager, the owner and se!eral hired hea!ies who explained that the terri"le hammering noise 2 heard was merely the wor#men putting the finishing touches on the third floor of what would e!entually "e a fi!e story colossus. (4e ha!e %ust ninety rooms now,( the manager explained, ("ut "y Christmas we will ha!e three hundred.( (Aesus *odI( 2 muttered. (4hatG( (Ne!er mind,( 2 said. (This is a hell of a thing you$re "uilding here9 No dou"t a"out that it$s extremely impressi!e in e!ery way "ut the odd fact is that 2 thought 2 had reser!ations down the "each at the Ca"a\as.( 2 flashed a nice shrug and a smile, ignoring the aw#ward chill that was already settling on us. The manager coughed up a "rittle laugh. (The Ca"a\asG No, SeRor .lay"oy. The Cozumeleno is !ery different from the Ca"a\as.( (Heah,( 2 said. (2 can see that right off.( The Bayan "ell"oy had already disappeared with my "ags. (4e sa!ed a Aunior suite for you,( said the manager. (2 thin# you$ll "e satisfied.( His )nglish was !ery precise, his smile was unnaturally thic#. . . and it was clear, from a glance at my high powered welcoming committee, that 2 was going to "e their guest for at least one night. . . And as soon as they forgot a"out me, 2 would flee this huge concrete morgue and snea# off to the comforta"le run down palm shaded peace of the Ca"a\as, where 2 felt more at home. Cn the dri!e out from the airport, the .+ man, who was wearing a "lue "ase"all cap and a stylish "lue and white T shirt, "oth em"lazoned with the lightning flash ST+2,)+ logo, had told me that the owner of this new, huge Cozumeleno hotel was a mem"er of the island$s ruling family. (They own a"out half of it,( he said with a grin, (and what they don$t own they control a"solutely, with their fuel license.(

285 (Fuel licenseG( (Heah,( said the .+ man. (They control e!ery gallon of fuel that$s sold here from the gasoline we$re dri!ing on right now in this %eep to the gas in e!ery sto!e in all the hotel restaurants and e!en the goddamn %et fuel at the airport. 2 didn$t pay much attention to that tal#, at the time. 2t seemed li#e the same #ind of sleazy, power worshiping "ullshit you$d expect to hear from an' .+ man, anywhere, on any su"%ect in any situation. . . By pro"lem was clear from the start. 2 had come down to Cozumel officially, at least to co!er not %ust a fishing tournament "ut a scene: 2$d explained to the editor that "ig time sport fishing attracts a certain #ind of people and it was the "eha!ior of these people not the fishing that interested me. Cn my first !isit to Cozumel, 2$d disco!ered the fishing har"or completely "y accident one night when Sandy and 2 were dri!ing around the island more or less na#ed, finely twisted on B1A, and the only reason we located the yacht "asin was that 2 too# a wrong turn around midnight and tried without realizing where 2 was going to run a road"loc# manned "y three Bexican soldiers with su"machine guns at the entrance to the island$s only airport. 2t was a hard scene to cope with, as 2 recall, and now that 2 loo# "ac# on it, 2 suspect that moldy white powder we$d eaten was pro"a"ly some #ind of animal tran&uilizer instead of true B1A. There is a lot of .C. on the drug mar#et these days' any"ody who wants to put a horse into a coma can "uy it pretty easily from. . . well. . . why "low that, ehG 2n any case, we were "ent and after "eing dri!en away from the airport "y armed guards, 2 too# the next a!aila"le open road and we would up in the yacht "asin, where there was a party going on. 2 could hear it a"out a half mile off, so 2 homed in on the music and dro!e across the highway and a"out @:: yards down a steep grassy em"an#ment to get to the doc#. Sandy refused to get out of the %eep, saying that these weren$t the #ind of people she felt ready to mix with, under the circumstances. . . so 2 left her huddled under a "lan#et on the front seat and wal#ed out onto the doc# "y myself. 2t was exactly the #ind of scene 2$d "een loo#ing for a"out ?< stone drun# rich hon#ies from places li#e Aac#son!ille and .ompano 0each, reeling around in this midnight Bexican port on their L@::,::: power cruisers and cursing the nati!es for not pro!iding enough teenage whores to go with the mariachi music. 2t was a scene of total decadence and 2 felt right at home in it. 2 "egan mixing with the crowd and trying to hire a "oat for the next morning which pro!ed to "e !ery difficult, "ecause no"ody could understand what 2 was saying. 4hat$s wrong hereG 2 wondered. 2s there speed in this drugG 4hy can$t these people understand meG Cne of the people 2 was tal#ing to was the owner of a =: foot Chris Craft from Bilwau#ee. He$d %ust arri!ed from ,ey 4est that afternoon, he said, and all he seemed to ha!e any real interest in at the moment was the (Argentine maid( he was grappling with in the coc#pit of his "oat. She was a"out 6< years old, had dar# "londe hair and red eyes, "ut it was hard to get a good loo# at her, "ecause (Cap$n Tom( as he introduced himself was "ending her o!er a Styrofoam "ait "ox full of dolphin heads and trying to suc# on her collar"one while he tal#ed to me. Finally 2 ga!e up on him and found a local fishing merchant called Fernando Burphy, whose drun#enness was so crude and extreme that we were a"le to communicate perfectly, e!en though he spo#e little )nglish. (No fishing at night,( he said. (Come to my shop downtown "y the plaza tomorrow and 2 rent you a nice "oat.( (4onderful,( 2 said. (How muchG( He laughed and fell against a pasty "londe woman from New Crleans who was too drun# to tal#. (For you,( he said, (a hundred and forty dollars a day and 2 guarantee fish.( (4hy notG( 2 said. (2$ll "e there at dawn. Ha!e the "oat ready.( "U/hingado+" he screamed. He dropped his drin# on the doc# and "egan grappling with his

286 own shoulder "lades. 2 was ta#en a"ac# at his out"urst, not understanding for a moment. . . until 2 saw that a laughing ?:: pound man wearing /e!is and a red "ase"all hat in the coc#pit of a near"y "oat called 0lac# Snapper had hoo#ed the "ac# of Burphy$s shirt with a ?: pound marlin rod and was trying to reel him in. Burphy staggered "ac#ward, screaming "U/hingado+" once again as he fell sideways on the doc# and ripped his shirt open. 4ell, 2 thought, no point trying to do "usiness with this crowd tonight and, in fact, 2 ne!er fished on that trip. 0ut the general low tone of that party had stayed with me a li!ing caricature of white trash run amuc# on foreign shores' an appalling #ind of story, "ut not without a certain human interest &uotient. Cn the first day of the tournament, 2 spent eight hours at sea a"oard the e!entual winner a <; foot Stri#er called Sun 1ancer, owned "y a wealthy middle aged industrialist named Fran# Cli!er from .alat#a, Florida. Cli!er ran a fleet of "arges on the 2nland 4aterway out of Aac#son!ille, he said, and Sun 1ancer was the only "oat in the Cozumel Har"or flying a Confederate flag. He had (a"out three hundred and twenty fi!e thousand in it( including a networ# of "uilt in !acuum cleaner wall plugs for the deep pile carpets and although he said he spent (may"e fi!e wee#s out of the year( on the "oat, he was a !ery serious angler and he meant to win this tournament. To this end, he had hired one of the world$s top fishing captains a speedy little crac#er named Cliff North and turned Sun 1ancer o!er to him on a year round "asis. North is a li!ing legend in the sport fishing world and the idea that Cli!er would hire him as his personal captain was not entirely accepta"le to the other anglers. Cne of them explained that it was li#e some rich wee#end duffer hiring Arnold .almer to shoot the final round of the *reater Cle!eland )l#s golf tourney for him. North li!es on the "oat, with his wife and two young (mates,( who do all the menial wor#, and during the ten months of the year when Cli!er$s not around, he charters Sun 1ancer out to any"ody who can pay the rate. All Cuff has to do in return for this sinecure is ma#e sure Cli!er wins the three or four fishing tournaments he finds time to enter each year. Than#s to North and his expert "oat handling, Fran# Cli!er is now listed in the sport fishing record "oo#s as one of the world$s top anglers. 4hether or not Cli!er would win any tournaments without North and Sun 1ancer is a su"%ect of widespread disagreement and occasional rude opinion among sport fishing pros. Not e!en the most egotistical anglers will deny that a good "oat and a hot rod captain to handle it are crucial factors in ocean fishing "ut there is a definite di!ision of opinion "etween anglers Ewho are mainly rich amateursF and pros Ethe "oat captain and the crewsF a"out the relati!e !alue of s#ills. Bost of the pros 2 tal#ed to in Cozumel were reluctant, at first, to spea# on this su"%ect at least for the record "ut after the third or fourth drin#, they would in!aria"ly come around to suggesting that anglers were more of a hazard than a help and, as a general rule of thum", you could catch more fish "y %ust %amming the rod into a holder on the rear end of the "oat and letting the fish do the wor#. After two or three days on the "oats, the most generous consensus 2 could get from the pros was that e!en the "est angler is worth a"out a ten percent ad!antage in a tournament, and that most are seen as handicaps. (Aesus *od Almighty,( said a !eteran captain from Fort /auderdale one night in a local hotel "ar, (you wouldn$t "elie!e the things 2$!e seen these fools doI( He laughed, "ut the sound was ner!ous and his "ody seemed to shudder as the memories came "ac# on him. (Cne of the people 2 wor# for,( he said, (has a wife who$s %ust flat out crazy.( He shoo# his head wearily. (2 don$t want you to get me wrong, now 2 lo!e her dearly, as a person "ut when it comes to fishing, goddamn it, 2$d li#e to chop her up and toss her out for the shar#s.( He too# a long hit on his rum and Co#e. (Heah, 2 hate to say it, "ut that$s all she$s good for shar# "ait and nothin else. Aesus, the other day she almost #illed herselfI 4e hoo#ed a "ig sailfish, and when that happens, you ha!e to mo!e pretty

287 fast, you #now "ut all of a sudden, 2 heard her screaming li#e crazy, and when 2 loo#ed down from the "ridge, she had her hair all tangled up in the reelI( He laughed. (*oddamnI Can you "elie!e thatG She almost got scalpedI 2 had to 4um& down, a"out fifteen feet onto a wet dec# in a "ad sea, we were wallowing all around and cut the whole line loose with my #nife. She came within a"out ten seconds of ha!ing all her hair pulled outI( Few anglers and especially winners li#e Fran# Cli!er agree with the pros$ 7: 6: split. (2t$s "asically a team"ork situation,( says Cli!er, (li#e a chain with no wea# lin#s. The angler, the captain, the mates, the "oat they$re all critical, they wor# li#e gears with each other.( 4ell. . . may"e so. Cli!er won the tournament with @> sailfish in the three days that counted. 0ut he was fishing alone on Sun 1ancer a "oat so la!ishly outfitted it could ha!e passed for the nautical den in Nelson +oc#efeller$s Fifth A!enue apartment and with the Arnold .almer of sport fishing up on the "ridge. Bost of his competition was fishing in twos and threes on charter "oats they were assigned to at random, with wild tempered, contemptuous captains they$d ne!er e!en met "efore yesterday morning. (Fishing against Cliff North is "ad enough,( said Aerry Haugen, captain of a stripped down hul# of a "oat called /uc#y Stri#er, ("ut when you ha!e to go against North and only one angler, with e!erything set up exactly the way he wants it, that$s %ust a"out impossi"le.( 4hich is neither here nor there, in the rules of "ig time sport fishing. 2f 0e"e +e"ozo decided to "orrow a half million dollars from the .entagon at no interest and enter the Cozumel tournament with the "est "oat he could "uy and a crew of specially trained -.S. Barines, he would compete on the same "asis with me! if 2 entered the thing with a 66: year old Colorado +i!er"oat and a crew of drug crazed politicos from the Beat .ossum Athletic Clu". According to the rules, we$d "e e&ual. . . And while 0e"e could fish alone on his "oat, the tournament directors could assign me a nightmarish trio of anglers li#e Sam 0rown, Aohn Bitchell and 0a"y Huey. Could we winG Ne!er in hell. 0ut no"ody connected with that tournament would e!er forget the experience. . . which is almost what happened anyway, for different reasons. 0y the third day of the tournament, or may"e it was the fourth, 2 had lost all control of my co!erage. At one point, when 0loor ran amuc# and disappeared for ?: hours, 2 was forced to %er# a dope addict out of the island$s only night clu" and press him into ser!ice as a (special o"ser!er( for -2A)A1). He spent the final day of the tournament a"oard Sun 1ancer, snorting co#e in the head and %a""ering wildly at North while poor Cli!er struggled desperately to maintain his one fish lead o!er Haugen$s manic crew on /uc#y Stri#er. Thursday night was definitely the turning point. 4hate!er rapport 0loor and 2 had de!eloped with the Stri#er people was wearing !ery thin after three days of increasingly strange "eha!ior and the antisocial attitude we apparently manifested at the "ig Stri#er coc#tail party at the .unta Borena "each "ar was clearly unaccepta"le. Almost e!ery"ody there was staggering drun# "y nightfall and the ugliness threshold was low. Here were all these hea!y anglers prosperous Florida "usinessmen, for the most part snarling and snapping at one another li#e )ast Harlem street fighters on the e!e of a long awaited rum"le9 (Hou pot"ellied assholeI Hou couldn$t catch a fish in a goddamn "arrelI( (4atch your stupid lip, fella9 That$s my "ife you %ust stepped onI( "%hose wife, fatfaceG ,eep your fuc#in$ hands to yourself.( (4here$s the goddamn waiterG 0oyI Ao'+ C!er hereI *et me another drin#, will yaG( (/et me %ust put it to you this way, my friend. How $"out a goddamn fish#off. Aust 'ou and me for a thousand "uc#s, ehG Heah, how $"out itG( .eople were lurching around in the sand with plates full of cold macaroni and shrimp sauce. )!ery now and then, some"ody would %er# one of the giant turtles out of the tan# on the patio and thrust it in the face of some "leary eyed "ystander, laughing wildly and struggling to hang on to the

288 thing, "ig green flippers clawing frantically at the air and lashing a spray of stale turtle water on e!ery"ody within a radius of ten feet. . . (Here9 2 wantcha to meet my friendI She$ll do a real %o" on yer pec#er. How horny are yaG( 2t was not a good scene to confront with a head full of acid. 4e dran# hea!ily, trying to act natural, "ut the drug set us clearly apart. 0loor "ecame o"sessed with the notion that we$d stum"led into a gathering of drun#en greedheads who were planning to turn Cozumel into (a Bexican Biami 0each( which was true, to a certain extent, "ut he pursued it with a zeal that churned up angry resentment in e!ery con!ersation he wandered into. At one point, 2 found him shouting at the manager of the hotel he was staying in9 (Hou$re %ust a "unch of goddamn moneygru""ing creepsI All this "ullshit a"out tourism and develo&ment what the hell do you want here, another AspenG( The hotel man was "affled. (4hat is AspenG( he as#ed. (4hat are you tal#ing a"outG( (Hou #now goddamn well what 2$m tal#ing a"out, you sleazy "astardI( 0loor shouted. (These dirty concrete hotels you$re "uilding all o!er the "each, these dirty little hot dog stands and ( 2 hurried across the patio and gra""ed him "y the shoulder. (Ne!er mind Hail,( 2 said, trying to focus at least one of my eyes on whoe!er he was tal#ing to. (He$s still not ad%usted to this altitude.( 2 tried to smile at them, "ut 2 could sense it wasn$t wor#ing. . . a drugged grimace, wild eyes and !ery %er#y mo!ements. 2 could hear myself tal#ing, "ut the words made no sense9 (These goddamned iguanas all o!er the road. . . we did a one eighty "ac# there at the - turn. . . Hail gra""ed the emergency "ra#e when he saw all those lizards, %er#ed it right out "y the root. . . Than# Christ we had those snow tires. 4e li!e at fi!e thousand feet, you #now, damn little air pressure up there, "ut down here at sea le!el you feel it s&ueezing your "rain li#e a !ise. . . No way to escape it, you can$t e!en thin# straight. . .( No"ody smiled' 2 was "a""ling out of control and 0loor was still yelling a"out (land rapers.( 2 left him and went to the "ar. (4e$re lea!ing,( 2 said, ("ut 2 want some ice for the road.( The "artender ga!e me a .epsi Cola cup full of melting sha!ings. (4e$ll need more than that,( 2 said so he filled up another cup. He spo#e no )nglish, "ut 2 could grasp what he was trying to tell me9 There was no container a!aila"le for the amount of ice 2 wanted and they were almost out of ice anyway. By head was "eginning to pulsate !iolently at this point 2 could "arely #eep a focus on his face. +ather than argue, 2 went out to the par#ing lot and dro!e the Safari through a screen of small "each trees and up onto the patio, par#ing it right in front of the "ar and indicating to the stunned "artender that 2 wanted the "ac# seat filled with ice. The Stri#er crowd was appalled. (Hou crazy son of a "itchI( someone yelled. (Hou mashed a"out fifteen treesI( 2 nodded, "ut the words didn$t register. All 2 could thin# a"out was ice throwing one cupload after another into the "ac# seat. The acid, "y this time, had fuc#ed up my !ision to the point where 2 was seeing s&uare out of one eye and round out of the other. 2t was impossi"le to focus on anything' 2 seemed to ha!e four hands. . . The "artender had not "een lying9 The .unta Bore\a ice !at was !irtually empty. 2 scraped a few more cuploads out of the "ottom hearing 0loor$s angry cursing somewhere a"o!e and "ehind me then 2 %umped o!er the counter and into the front seat of the %eep. No"ody seemed to notice, so 2 gunned the engine !iolently and leaned on the horn as 2 crept !ery slowly in first gear through the mashed trees and shru""ery. /oud !oices seemed to "e looming down on me from the rear and suddenly 0loor was clim"ing o!er the "ac#, yelling, (*et mo!ing, goddamn it, get mo!ingI( 2 stomped on the accelerator and we fish tailed out of the deep sand par#ing lot. Thirty minutes later, after a top speed, "ug spattered run all the way to the other side of the island, we rolled into the par#ing lot of what appeared to "e a night clu". 0loor had calmed down a "it, "ut he was still in a high, wild condition as we lurched to a stop a"out fi!e feet from the front

289 door. 2 could hear loud music inside. (4e need a few drin#s,( 2 muttered. (By tongue feels li#e an iguana$s "een chewing on it.( 0loor stepped out, (,eep the engine running,( he said. (2$ll chec# the place out.( He disappeared inside and 2 leaned "ac# on the seat to stare straight up at the star crazed s#y. 2t seemed a"out six feet a"o!e my eyes. Cr may"e =: feet, or =::. 2 couldn$t "e sure, and it didn$t matter, anyway, "ecause "y that time 2 was con!inced 2 was in the coc#pit of a 8@8 coming into /.A. at midnight. Aesus, 2 thought, 2 am ripped right straight to the tits. 4here am 2G Are we going up or downG Somewhere in the "ac# of my "rain, 2 #new 2 was sitting in a %eep in the par#ing lot of a night clu" on an island off the Bexican coast "ut how could 2 really "e sure, with another part of my "rain apparently con!inced that 2 was loo#ing down on the huge glittering "owl of /os Angeles from the coc#pit of a 8@8G 4as that the Bil#y 4ayG Cr Sunset 0oule!ardG Crion, or the 0e!erly Hills HotelG 4ho gi!es a fuc#G 2 thought. 2t$s a fine thing to %ust lie "ac# and stare up or down at. By eye"alls felt cool, my "ody felt rested. . . Then 0loor was yelling at me again. (4a#e up, goddamn itI .ar# the car and let$s go inside. 2$!e met some wonderful people.( The rest of that night is !ery hazy in my memory. The inside of the clu" was loud and almost empty except for the people 0loor had met, who turned out to "e two half mad co#e runners with a "ig sil!er can full of white powder. 4hen 2 sat down at the ta"le, one of them introduced himself as Fran# and said, (Here, 2 thin# you need something for your nose.( (4hy notG( 2 said, accepting the can he tossed into my lap, (and 2 also need some rum.( 2 yelled at the waiter and then opened the can, despite a rustle of protests around the ta"le. 2 loo#ed down at my lap, ignoring Fran#$s ner!ous "eha!ior, and thought, PangI This is definitely not /os Angeles. 4e must "e somewhere else. 2 was staring down at what loo#ed li#e a whole ounce of pure, glittering white cocaine. By first instinct was to %er# a 6:: peso note out of my poc#et and &uic#ly roll it up for snorting purposes, "ut "y this time Fran# had his hand on my arm. (For Christ$s sa#e,( he was whispering, (don$t do that shit here. Ta#e it into the "athroom.( 4hich 2 did. 2t was a difficult trip, through all those chairs and ta"les, "ut 2 finally managed to loc# myself in the toilet stall and start lashing the stuff up my nose with no thought at all of the ominous noise 2 was ma#ing. 2t was li#e #neeling down on a "each and stic#ing a straw into the sand' after fi!e minutes or so, "oth my nostrils were loc#ed up li#e epoxy and 2 hadn$t e!en made a !isi"le depression in the dune right in front of my eyes. *ood *od, 2 thought. This can$t "e true. 2 must "e hallucinatingI 0y the time 2 staggered "ac# to the ta"le, the other had calmed down. 2t was o"!ious that 0loor had already "een into the can, so 2 handed it "ac# to Fran# with a twisted smile. (0e careful with this stuff,( 2 mum"led. (2t$ll turn your "rain to %elly.( He smiled. (4hat are you people doing hereG( (Hou$d ne!er "elie!e it,( 2 replied, accepting a tall glass of rum from the waiter. The "and was ta#ing a "rea# now and two of the musicians had wandered o!er to our ta"le. Fran# was saying something a"out a party later on. 2 shrugged, still fighting to clear my nasal passages with &uic# sniffs of rum. 2 sensed that this latest de!elopment might ha!e serious conse&uences for the future of my story, "ut 2 was no longer especially concerned a"out that. . . From somewhere down deep in my memory, 2 heard a snatch of some half remem"ered con!ersation "etween a construction wor#er and a "artender at a "ar in Colorado. The construction man was explaining why he shouldn$t ha!e another drin#9 (Hou can$t wallow with the pigs at night and then soar with the eagles in the morning,( he said.

290 2 thought "riefly on this, then shrugged it off. By own situation was totally different, 2 felt. 2n a"out three hours, 2 was supposed to "e down on the doc#s with my camera and tape recorder to spend another day on one of those goddamn "oats. No, 2 thought, that gee# in Colorado had it all wrong. The real pro"lem is how to wallow with the eagles at night and then soar with the pigs in the morning. 2n any case, it made no difference. For a !ariety of good reasons, 2 missed my "oat the next morning and spent the afternoon passed out in the sand on an empty "each a"out ten miles out of town. 0y Friday night, it was clear that the story was not only a dry hole "ut may"e e!en a dry soc#et. Cur most serious pro"lem had to do with the rat "astard tedium of spending eight hours a day out at sea in the "oiling sun, "eing tossed around on the "ridge of a high powered motor"oat and watching middle aged "usinessmen reeling sailfish up to the side of the "oat e!ery once in a while. 0oth 0loor and 2 had spent a full day at sea on the only "oats in the tournament getting any real action, Sun 1ancer and /uc#y Stri#er and "y dus# on Friday, we had pretty well come to the conclusion that deep sea fishing is not one of your #ing hell spectator sports. 2 ha!e watched a lot of "ad acts in my time, from tag team pro wrestling in Flomaton, Ala"ama, to the +oller 1er"y on Ca#land TD and intramural soft"all tournaments at Scott Air Force 0ase in 2llinois "ut 2$m damned if 2 can remem"er anything as insanely fuc#ing dull as that Third Annual 2nternational Cozumel Fishing Tournament. The only thing that comes close to it, in recent memory, is an afternoon 2 spent last Barch in a traffic %am on the San 1iego freeway. . . "ut e!en that had a certain adrenaline factor' "y the end of the second hour, 2 was so crazy with rage that 2 crac#ed the top half of the steering wheel off my rented Bustang, then exploded the water pump "y racing the engine at top speed and finally a"andoned the mess altogether in the outside lane a"out two miles north of the Newport 0each exit. 2t was Saturday afternoon, 2 thin#, when the "rain fog had cleared enough for a long, clean focus on our situation which had "een drastically altered, at that point, "y three nights of no sleep and a handful of spastic confrontations with the Stri#er crowd. 2 had "een thrown out of one hotel and mo!ed to another and 0loor had "een threatened with %ail or deportation "y the manager of his hotel on the midtown s&uare. 2 had managed another zom"ieli#e day at sea, with massi!e aid from Fran#$s can, "ut our relationship with the Stri#er people was apparently "eyond redemption. No"ody connected with the tournament would ha!e anything to do with us. 4e were treated li#e lepers. The only people we felt easy with, at that point, were a motley collection of local frea#s, "oozers, hustlers and "lac# coral di!ers who seemed to collect each afternoon on the porch of the 0al Hai, the town$s main "ar. They &uic#ly "efriended us a sudden shift in old relationships with the island that caused me to "egin signing all the ta"s, splitting them a"out half and half "etween Stri#er and -2A)A1). No"ody seemed to care, especially the e!er growing crowd of new friends who came to drin# with us. These people understood and were !aguely amused at the idea that we$d fallen into serious disfa!or with the Stri#ers and the local power structure. For the past three sleepless days, we$d "een gathering at the 0al Hai to "rood pu"licly on the li#elihood of massi!e retaliation "y local 4efes! incensed "y our rotten "eha!ior. 2t was sometime around dus# on Saturday, hun#ered down at a "ig round ta"le on the 0al Hai porch, that 2 noticed the pea green Bustang ma#ing its second pass in less than ten minutes. There is only one pea green Bustang on the island, and one of the di!ers had told me it "elonged to the (mayor( a hea!y set young pol and an appointed, not elected, official who loo#ed li#e a "eer "ellied lifeguard on some "each at Acapulco. 4e had seen him often in the past few days, usually in the late afternoon and always cruising up and down the seaside frontera.

291 (That son of a "itch is "eginning to ma#e me ner!ous,( 0loor muttered. (1on$t worry,( 2 said. (They won$t shoot not as long as we$re here in a crowd.( (4hatG( A gray haired woman from Biami sitting next to us had caught the word shoot. (2t$s the Stri#er crowd,( 2 explained. (4e hear they$!e decided to get hea!y with us.( (Aesus ChristI( said a retired airline pilot who$d "een li!ing off his "oat and the 0al Hai porch for the past few months. (Hou don$t thin# they$ll start shooting! do youG Not on a peaceful island li#e thisI( 2 shrugged. (Not here. They wouldn$t shoot into a crowd. 0ut we can$t let them catch us alone.( The woman from Biami started to say something, "ut 0loor cut her off with an out"urst that spun heads the length of the porch9 (They$re in for the shoc# of their goddamn li!es, tomorrow,( he snarled. (4ait till they see what gets off that goddamn ferry from .laya del Carmen in the morning.( (4hat the hell are you tal#ing a"outG( the ex pilot as#ed. 0loor said nothing, staring "lan#ly out to sea. 2 hesitated a moment, then instincti!ely pic#ed up the thread9 (Hea!ies,( 2 said. (4e made some calls last night. Tomorrow morning they$ll come off that "oat li#e a pac# of goddamn wol!erines.( Cur friends at the ta"le were glancing ner!ously at one another. Diolent crime is almost unheard of on Cozumel' the nati!e oligarchy is into far more su"tle !arieties. . . and the idea that the 0al Hai might "e the scene of a Chicago style shoot out was a hard thing to grasp, e!en for me. 0loor cut in again, still staring off toward the mainland. (Hou can hire %ust a"out anything you want in BRrida,( he said. (4e got these thugs for ten "uc#s a head, plus expenses. They$ll crac# e!ery s#ull on the island if they ha!e to then "urn e!ery one of those goddamn red nec# "oats right down to the waterline.( No"ody spo#e for a moment, then the woman from Biami and the retired airline pilot got up to lea!e. (See you later,( the man said stiffly. (4e ha!e to get "ac# to the "oat and chec# things out.( Boments later, the two di!ers who$d "een sitting with us also left, saying they$d pro"a"ly see us tomorrow at the Stri#er party. (1on$t count on it,( 0loor muttered. They grinned ner!ously and sped off down the frontera on their tiny Hondas. 4e were left alone at the "ig round ta"le, sipping margaritas and staring out at the sunset o!er the Hucatan .eninsula, 6@ miles across the channel. After a few long moments of silence, 0loor reached into his poc#et and came up with a hollowed out glass eye he had "ought from one of the street peddlers. There was a sil!er cap on the "ac# and he flipped it up, then %ammed the straw from his margarita into the hole and snorted hea!ily "efore handing it o!er to me. (Here,( he said. (Try some of Fran#$s "est.( The waiter was ho!ering o!er us, "ut 2 ignored him until 2 realized 2 was ha!ing pro"lems, then 2 loo#ed up from the eye"all in my hand and as#ed for two more drin#s and a dry straw. "V/omo no." he hissed, mo!ing &uic#ly away from the ta"le. (This thing$s all %ammed up from the moisture,( 2 said to 0loor, showing him the powder pac#ed straw. (4e$ll ha!e to slice it open.( (Ne!er mind,( he said. (There$s plenty more where that came from.( 2 nodded, accepting a fresh drin# and a"out six dry straws from the waiter. (Hou notice how fast our friends left,( 2 said, "earing down on the eye"all again. (2 suspect they "elie!ed all that gi""erish.( He sipped his own new drin# and stared at the glass eye in my hand. (4hy shouldn$t theyG( he mum"led. (2$m "eginning to "elie!e it myself.( 2 felt a great num"ness in the "ac# of my mouth and my throat as 2 snapped the cap shut and handed the eye"all "ac# to him. (1on$t worry,( 2 said. (4e$re professionals #eep that in mind.(

292 (2 am,( he said. (0ut 2$m afraid they might figure that out.( 2t was late Saturday night, as 2 recall, when we learned that Fran# Cli!er had officially won the tournament "y one fish, ahead of the "alls out poor "oy crew on /uc#y Stri#er. 2 wrote this down in my note"oo# as we roamed round the doc# where the "oats were tied up. No"ody urged us to come a"oard for (a friendly drin#( as 2 heard some of the anglers put it to others on the doc# and, in fact, there were only a few people who spo#e to us at all. Fran# and his friend were sipping "eers at the open air "ar near"y, "ut his #ind of hospitality was not in tune with this scene. Aac# 1aniels and hea!y petting on the foredec# is a"out as hea!y as the Stri#er crowd gets. . . and after a wee# of mounting isolation from this scene 2 was supposed to "e (co!ering,( 2 was hung on the dar# and ugly truth that (my story( was fuc#ed. Not only did the "oat people !iew me with gross disappro!al "ut most of them no longer e!en "elie!ed 2 was wor#ing for -2A)A1). All they #new, for sure, was that there was something !ery strange and off center, to say the least, a"out me and all my (assistants.( 4hich was true, in a sense, and this feeling of alienation on "oth sides was compounded, on ours, "y a galloping drug induced paranoia that honed each small incident, with e!ery passing day, to a grim and fearful edge. The paranoid sense of isolation was "ad enough along with trying to li!e in two entirely different worlds at the same time "ut the worst pro"lem of all was the fact that 2$d spent a wee# on this goddamn wretched story and 2 still didn$t ha!e the flimsiest notion of what deepsea fishing felt like. 2 had no idea what it was li#e to actually catch a "ig fish. All 2$d seen was a gang of frantic red nec# "usinessmen occasionally hauling dar# shadows up to the side of !arious "oats, %ust close enough to where some dollar an hour mate could cut the leader and score a point for (the angler.( 1uring the whole wee#, 2$d ne!er seen a fish out of the water except on the rare occasions when a hoo#ed sailfish had %umped for an instant, 6:: or so yards from the "oat, "efore going under again for the long reeling in trip that usually too# ten or fifteen minutes of silent struggle and always ended with the fish either slipping the hoo# or "eing dragged close enough to the "oat to "e (tagged( and then cut loose. The anglers assured me it was all a great thrill, "ut on the e!idence, 2 couldn$t "elie!e it. The whole idea of fishing, it seemed to me, was to hoo# a thrashing sea monster of some #ind and actually boat the "astard. And then eat it. All the rest seemed li#e dilettante "ullshit li#e hunting wild "oar with a can of spray paint, from the safety of a pic#up truc#. . . and it was this half crazed sense of frustration that led me finally to start wandering around the doc#s and trying to hire some"ody to ta#e me and 0loor out at night to fish for man eating shar#s. 2t seemed li#e the only way to get a real feel for this sport to fish Eor huntF for something genuinely dangerous, a "east that would tear your leg off in an instant if you made the slightest mista#e. This concept was not widely understood on the doc# in Cozumel. The "usinessmen anglers saw no point in getting the coc#pits of their expensi!e tu"s messed up with real "lood, and especially not theirs. . . "ut 2 finally found two ta#ers9 Aerry Haugen on /uc#y Stri#er and a local Bayan captain who wor#ed for Fernando Burphy. 0oth of these efforts ended in disaster for entirely differrent reasons and also at different times' "ut for the record, 2 feel a powerful o"ligation to record at least a "rief o"ser!ation a"out our shar# hunting expeditions off the coast of Cozumel9 The first is that 2 saw more shar#s "y accident while scu"a di!ing during the daylight hours than 2 did during either of our ela"orate, "ig money nighttime (hunts( off the fishing "oats' and the second is that any"ody who "uys anything more complex or expensi!e than a "ottle of "eer on the waterfront of Cozumel is opting for serious trou"le. Cer!eza Superior, at 8< cents a "ottle on the porch of the 0al Hai, is a genuine "argain if only "ecause you #now what you$re getting compared with the insanely and e!en fatally inept

293 (deep sea fishing and scu"a di!ing tours( offered at doc#side shac#s li#e )l Timon or Fernando Burphy$s. These people rent "oats to dum" gringos for L6;: a day Eor nightF and then ta#e you out to sea and dump you o!er the side with faulty di!ing gear in shar# filled waters during the day, or run you around in circles during the night a Fernando Burphy specialty while allegedly trolling for shar#s a"out <:: yards offshore. There are plenty of "ologna sandwiches while you wait for a stri#e, una"le to communicate !er"ally with the guilt stric#en Bayan mate or the Bayan captain up top, who "oth understand what #ind of a shuc# they are running "ut who are only following Fernando Burphy$s orders. Beanwhile Burphy is "ac# in town playing ma]tre d$ at his Ti%uana style night clu", /a .i\ata. 4e found Burphy at his night clu" after spending six useless hours (at sea( on one of his "oats, and came close to getting "eaten and %ailed when we noisily ruined the atmosphere of the place "y accusing him of (outright thie!ery( on the grounds of what his hired fisherman had already admitted he$d done to us and the only thing that #ept us from getting stomped "y Burphy$s hea!ies was the timely popping off of flash"ul"s "y an American photographer. There is nothing &uite li#e the sudden white flash of a professional gringo camera to paralyze the "rain of a Bexican pun# long enough for the potential !ictims to ma#e a &uic#, non!iolent exit. 4e were counting on this, and it wor#ed' a sorry end to the only attempt we e!er made to hire local fishermen for a shar# hunt. Burphy had his L6;: cash in ad!ance, we had our harsh o"%ect lesson in commercial dealings on the Cozumel doc# and with the photos in the can, we understood the wisdom of lea!ing the island at once. Cur other nighttime shar# hunt with Aerry Haugen on /uc#y Stri#er was a totally different #ind of experience. 2t was at least an honest !alue. Haugen and his two man crew were the (hippies( of the Stri#er fleet, and they too# me and 0loor out one night for a serious shar# hunt a strange ad!enture that nearly sun# their "oat when they hoo#ed a reef in pitch dar#ness a"out a mile out at sea and which ended with all of us up on the "ridge while a four foot nurse shar# flopped crazily around in the coc#pit, e!en after Haugen had shot it four times in the head with a .;< automatic. /oo#ing "ac# on all that, my only feeling for deep sea fishing is one of a"solute and !isceral a!ersion. Hemingway had the right idea when he decided that a .;< cali"er su"machine gun was the proper tool for shar# fishing, "ut he was wrong a"out his targets. 4hy shoot innocent fish, when the guilty wal# free along the doc#s, renting "oats for L6;: a day to drun#en dupes who call themsel!es (sport fishermen(G Cur departure from the island was not placid. The rough s#eleton of the plan as 2 concei!ed it with a head full of B1A on the night "efore was to wait until a"out an hour "efore the first early morning flight to BRrida on Aeromexico, then %ump "oth our hotel "ills "y chec#ing out in a ra!ing frenzy at dawn, at the end of the night cler#$s shift and signing (-2A)A1)JStri#er Aluminum Hachts( on "oth "ills. 2 felt this "ogus dual imprimatur would "e hea!y enough to confuse "oth des# cler#s long enough for us to reach the airport and ma#e the escape. Cur only other pro"lem except for connecting with the "lac# coral wizard who was expecting at least L?:: cash for the wor# we$d assigned him was dumping the A!is rental %eep at the airport no more than three minutes "efore "oarding time. 2 #new that the local A!is people would ha!e me under o"ser!ation "y the same shadowy o"ser!er who$d nailed me on the "ro#en windshield charge, "ut 2 also #new he$d "een watching us long enough to #now we were "oth late risers. He would set his psychic wor# cloc#, 2 felt, to coincide with our traditional noon to dawn wor#ing hours. 2 also #new that the hours he$d "een #eeping for the past wee# were so far off his normal wa#e sleep schedule that "y now he was pro"a"ly a ner!ous, %a""ering mess from trying to #eep up with a gang of wild gringos fueled from an apparently "ottomless satchel full of speed, acid, B1A and cocaine.

294 2t "oiled down to a &uestion of armaments or lac# of them and their long term effects in the crunch. /oo#ing "ac# on my experience o!er the years, 2 was confident of "eing a"le to function at pea# performance le!el, at least "riefly, after >: or 7: hours without sleep. There were negati!e factors, of course9 >: or 7: hours of continuous "oozing, along with sporadic energyJadrenaline sappers li#e frantic, roc# dodging swims in the high surf at night and sudden, potentially disastrous confrontations with hotel managers "ut on "alance, 2 felt, the drug factor ga!e us a clear cut ad!antage. 2n any @; hour period, a determined pri!ate eye can muster the energy to #eep pace with !eteran drug users. . . "ut after ;> straight hours, and especially after 8@, fatigue symptoms "egin manifesting drastically hallucinations, hysteria, massi!e ner!e failure. After 8@ hours, "oth the "ody and the "rain are so "adly depleted that only sleep will ma#e the nut. . . while your ha"itual drag user, long accustomed to this weird and frenzied pace, is still hoarding at least three hours of high speed reser!e. There was no &uestion in my mind once the plane was finally air"orne out of Cozumel a"out what to do with the drugs. 2 had eaten three of the remaining fi!e caps of B1A during the night and 0loor had gi!en our hash and all "ut six of his purple pills to the "lac# coral wizard as a "onus for his all night efforts. As we zoomed o!er the Hucatan Channel at >::: feet, we too# stoc# of what he had left9 Two hits of B1A, six ta"s of acid, a"out a gram and a half of raw cocaine, four reds and a random handful of speed. That plus L;; and a desperate hope that Sandy had made and paid for our reser!ations "eyond Bonterrey, Bexico was all we had "etween Cozumel and our refugeJdestination at Sam 0rown$s house in 1en!er. 4e were air"orne out of Cozumel at >96? A.B., Bountain 1aylight Time and if e!erything went right, we would arri!e at 1en!er$s Stapleton 2nternational Airport "efore se!en. 4e$d "een air"orne for a"out eight minutes when 2 loo#ed o!er at 0loor and told him what 2$d "een thin#ing9 (4e don$t ha!e enough drugs here to ris# carrying them through Customs,( 2 said. He nodded thoughtfully9 (4ell. . . we$re pretty well fixed, for poor "oys.( (Heah,( 2 replied. (0ut 2 ha!e my professional reputation to uphold. And there$s only two things 2$!e ne!er done with drugs9 sell them or ta#e them through Customs especially when we can replace e!erything we$re holding for a"out ninety nine dollars %ust as soon as we get off the plane.( He hun#ered down in his seat, saying nothing. Then he stared across at me. (4hat are you sayingG That we should %ust throw all this shit awayG( 2 thought for a moment. (No. 2 thin# we should eat it.( (4hatG( (Heah, why notG They can$t "ust you for what$s already dissol!ed in your "elly no matter ho" weird you$re acting.( (Aesus ChristI( he muttered. (4e$ll go star# ra!ing nuts if we eat all this shitI( 2 shrugged. (,eep in mind where we$ll "e when we hit Customs,( 2 said. (San Antonio, Te as. Are you ready to get "usted in TexasG( He stared down at his fingernails. (+emem"er Tim /earyG( 2 said. (Ten years for three ounces of grass in his daughter$s panties. . .( He nodded. (Aesus. . . TexasI 2$d forgotten a"out that.( (Not me,( 2 said. (4hen Sandy went through Customs in San Antonio a"out three wee#s ago, they tore e!erything she was carrying apart. 2t too# her two hours to put it "ac# together.( 2 could see him thin#ing. (4ell. . .( he said finally, (what if we eat this stuff and go crazy and they nail usG( (Nothing,( 2 said. (4e$ll drin# hea!ily. 2f we$re seized, the stewardesses will testify we were drun#.(

295 He thought for a moment, then laughed. (Heah. . . %ust a couple of good ole "oys C.1.$d on "ooze. Nasty drun#s, staggering "ac# into the country after a shameful !acation in Bexico totally fuc#ed up.( (+ight,( 2 said. (They can strip us down to the s#in. 2t$s no crime to enter the country helplessly drun#.( He laughed. (Hou$re right. 4hat do we start withG 4e shouldn$t eat it all at once that$s too hea!y.( 2 nodded, reaching into my poc#et for the B1A and offering him one as 2 tossed the other into my mouth. (/et$s eat some of the acid now, too,( 2 said. (That way, we$ll "e ad%usted to it "y the time we ha!e to eat the rest and we can sa!e the co#e for emergencies.( (Along with the speed,( he said. (How much do you ha!e leftG( (Ten hits,( 2 said. (.ure white amphetamine powder. 2t$ll straighten us right out, if things get tense.( (Hou should sa!e that for the end,( he said. (4e can use this co#e if we start getting messy.( 2 swallowed the purple pill, ignoring the Bexican stewardess with her tray of sangria. (2$ll ha!e two,( said 0loor, reaching across me. (Same here,( 2 said, lifting two more off the tray. 0loor grinned at her. (.ay no attention. 4ere %ust tourists down here ma#ing fools of oursel!es.( Boments later we hit down on the runway at BRrida. 0ut it was a &uic# and painless stop. 0y nine A.B., we were cruising o!er central Bexico at @:,::: feet, headed for Bonterrey. The plane was half empty and we could ha!e mo!ed around if we$d wanted to "ut 2 glanced across at 0loor, trying to use him as a mirror for my own condition, and decided that wandering around in the aisles would not "e wise. Ba#ing yourself noticea"le is one thing "ut causing innocent passengers to shrin# off with feelings of shoc# and repugnance is a different game entirely. Cne of the few things that can$t "e controlled a"out acid is the glitter it puts in the eyes. No amount of "ooze will cause the same #ind of laughing, that fine predatory glow that comes with the first rush of acid up the spine. 0ut 0loor felt li#e mo!ing. (4here$s the goddman headG( he muttered. (Ne!er mind,( 2 said. (4e$re almost to Bonterrey. 1on$t attract attention. 4e ha!e to chec# through 2mmigration there.( He straightened up in his seat. (2mmigrationG( (Nothing serious,( 2 said. (Aust turn in our tourist cards and see a"out the tic#ets to 1en!er. . . 0ut we$ll ha!e to act straight. . .( (4hyG( he as#ed. 2 ga!e it some thought. 4hy, indeedG 4e were clean. Cr almost clean, anyway. A"out an hour out of BRrida we$d eaten another round of acid which left us with two more of those, plus four reds and the co#e and the speed. The luc# of the split had left me with the speed and the acid' 0loor had the co#e and the reds. . . and "y the time the A0+CCH) S- C2NT-+CN EFAST)N S)AT 0)/TSF sign flashed on a"o!e Bonterrey, we$d agreed, more or less, that anything we hadn$t eaten "y the time we got to Texas would ha!e to "e flushed down the stainless steel Aohn in the plane$s la!atory. 2t had ta#en a"out ;< tortured minutes to reach this agreement, "ecause "y that time, neither one of us could spea# clearly. 2 tried to whisper, through gritted teeth, "ut each time 2 succeeded in uttering a coherent sentence my !oice seemed to echo around the ca"in li#e 2 was mum"ling into a "ullhorn. At one point, 2 leaned o!er as close as possi"le to 0loor$s ear and hissed9 (+eds. . . how manyG( 0ut the sound of my own !oice was such a shoc# that 2 recoiled in horror and tried to pretend 2$d said nothing. 4as the stewardess staringG 2 couldn$t "e sure. 0loor had seemed not to notice "ut suddenly he was thrashing around in his seat and clawing frantically underneath himself with "oth

296 hands. (4hat the fuc#G( he was screaming. (MuietI( 2 snapped. (4hat$s "rong with youG( He was %er#ing at his seat "elt, still shouting. The stewardess ran down the aisle and un"uc#led it for him. There was fear in her face as she "ac#ed off and watched him spring out of his seat. (*oddamn you clumsy "astardI( he yelled. 2 stared straight ahead. Aesus, 2 thought, he$s "lowing it, he can$t handle the acid, 2 should ha!e a"andoned this crazy "astard in Cozumel. 2 felt my teeth grinding as 2 tried to ignore his noise. . . then 2 glanced across and saw him groping "etween the seats and coming up with a smoldering cigarette "utt. (/oo# at thisI( he shouted at me. He was holding the "utt in one hand and fondling the "ac# of his thigh with the other. . . (0urned a "ig hole in my pants,( he was saying. (He %ust spit this dirty thing right down in my seatI( (4hatG( 2 said, feeling in front of my mouth for the cigarette in my filter. . . "ut the filter was empty, and 2 suddenly understood. The fog in my "rain suddenly cleared and 2 heard myself laughing. (2 warned you a"out these goddamn 0onanzasI( 2 said. (They$ll ne!er stic# in the filterI( The stewardess was pushing him "ac# down into his seat. (Fasten "elts,( she #ept saying, (fasten "elts.( 2 gra""ed his arm and %er#ed downward, pulling him off "alance and causing him to fall hea!ily onto the "ac# of the seat. 2t ga!e way and collapsed on the legs of whoe!er was sitting "ehind us. The stewardess %er#ed it &uic#ly "ac# to the upright position, then reached down to fasten 0loor$s seat "elt. 2 saw his left arm sna#e out and settle affectionately around her shoulders. *ood *odI 2 thought. This is it. 2 could see the headlines in tomorrow$s Ne"s: (1+-* F+ACAS CN A2+/2N)+ N)A+ BCNT)++)H9 *+2N*CS AA2/)1 CN A+SCN, ASSA-/T CHA+*)S.( 0ut the stewardess only smiled and "ac#ed off a few steps, dismissing 0loor$s crude ad!ance with a slap at his arm and an icy professional smile. 2 tried to return it, "ut my face was not wor#ing properly. Her eyes narrowed. She was clearly more insulted "y the demented grin 2 was trying now to fix on her than she was "y 0loor$s attempt to push her head down into his lap. He smiled happily as she stal#ed away. (That$ll teach you,( he said. (Hou$re a goddamn nightmare to tra!el with.( The acid was le!eling out now. 2 could tell "y the tone of his !oice that he was into the manic stage. No more of that %er#y, paranoid whispering. He was feeling confident now' his face had settled into that glaze of "rittle serenity you in!aria"ly see on the face of a !eteran acid eater who #nows that the first rush is past and now he can settle down for a"out six hours of real fun. 2 was not &uite there myself, "ut 2 #new it was coming and we still had a"out se!en more hours and two plane changes "etween now and 1en!er. 2 #new the 2mmigration scene at Bonterrey was only a formality %ust stand in line for a while with all the other gringos and not get hysterical when the cop at the gate as#s for your tourist card. 4e could ease through that one, 2 felt on the strength of long experience. Any"ody who$s still on the street after se!en or eight years of pu"lic acid eating has learned to trust his adrenaline gland for getting through routine confrontations with officialdom traffic citations, "ridge tolls, airline tic#et counters. . . And we had one of these coming up9 getting our "aggage off this plane and not losing it in the airport until we found out which flight would ta#e us to San Antonio and 1en!er. 0loor was tra!eling light, with only two "ags. 0ut 2 had my normal hea!y load9 two huge leather suitcases, a can!as sea "ag and tape recorder with two porta"le spea#ers. 2f we were going to lose anything, 2 wanted to lose it north of the "order. The Bonterrey airport is a cool, "right little "uilding, so immaculately clean and efficient that we were almost immediately lulled into a condition of grinning euphoria. )!erything seemed to

297 "e wor#ing perfectly. No lost "aggage, no sudden out"ursts of wild %a""ering at the 2mmigration des#, no cause for panic or fits of despair at the tic#et counter. . . Cur first class reser!ations had already "een made and confirmed all the way to 1en!er. 0loor had "een reluctant to "low ?@ extra dollars (%ust to sit up front with the "usinessmen,( "ut 2 felt it was necessary. (There$s a lot more latitude for weird "eha!ior in first class.( 2 told him. (The stewardesses "ac# in the tourist section don$t ha!e as much experience, so they$re more li#ely to frea# out if they thin# they ha!e a dangerous nut on their hands.( He glared at me. (1o 2 loo# li#e a dangerous nutG( 2 shrugged. 2t was hard to focus on his face. 4e were standing in a corridor outside the sou!enir shop. (Hou loo# li#e a serious dope addict,( 2 said, finally. (Hour hair$s all wild, your eyes are glittering, your nose is all red and ( 2 suddenly noticed white powder on the top edge of his mustache. (Hou swineI Hou$!e "een into the co#eI( He grinned "lan#ly. (4hy notG Aust a little pic# me up.( 2 nodded. (Heah. Aust wait till you start explaining yourself to the Customs agent in San Antonio with white powder drooling out of your nose.( 2 laughed. (Ha!e you e!er seen those "ig "ullet nosed flashlights they use for rectal searchesG( He was ru""ing his nostrils !igorously. (4here$s the drugstoreG 2$ll get some of that 1ristan nasal spray.( He reached into his "ac# poc#et and 2 saw his face turn gray. (Aesus,( he hissed. (2$!e lost my walletI( He #ept fum"ling in his poc#ets "ut no wallet turned up. (*ood *odI( he moaned. (2t$s still on the planeI( His eyes flashed wildly around the airport. (4here$s the gateG( he snapped. (The wallet must "e under the seat.( 2 shoo# my head. (No, it$s too late.( (4hatG( (The plane. 2 saw it ta#e off while you were in the rest room, snorting up the co#e.( He thought for a moment, then uttered a loud, wa!ering howl. (By passportI All my moneyI 2 ha!e nothing+ They$ll ne!er let me "ac# into the country, with no 2.1.( 2 smiled. (+idiculous. 2$ll !ouch for you.( (ShitI( he said. (Hou$re crazyI Hou look crazyI( (/et$s go find the "ar,( 2 said. (4e ha!e forty fi!e minutes.( "%hat." (The drun#er you get, the less it$ll "other you,( 2 said. (The "est thing, right now, is for you to get weeping, falling down drun#. 2$ll swear you staggered in front of a mo!ing plane on the runway in BRrida and a %et engine suc#ed the coat right off your "ac# and into its tur"ine.( The whole thing seemed a"surd. (Hour wallet was in the coat, rightG 2 was a witness. 2t was all 2 could do to #eep your "hole bod' from "eing suc#ed into the tur"ine.( 2 was laughing wildly now' the scene was !ery !i!id. 2 could almost feel the terri"le drag of the suction as we struggled to dig our heels into the hot asphalt runway. Somewhere in the distance, 2 could hear the wail of a mariachi "and a"o!e the roar of the engines, suc#ing us e!er closer to the whirling "lades. 2 could hear the wild screech of a stewardess as she watched helplessly. A Bexican soldier with a machine gun was trying to help us, "ut suddenly he was suc#ed away li#e a leaf in the wind. . . wild screams all around us, then a sic#ening thum& as he disappeared feetfirst into the "lac# maw of the tur"ine. . . The engine seemed to stall momentarily, then spit a nasty shower of ham"urger and "one splinters all o!er the runway. . . more screaming from "ehind us as 0loor$s coat ripped away' 2 was holding him "y one arm when another soldier with a machine gun "egan firing at the plane, first at the coc#pit and then at the murderous engine. . . which suddenly exploded, li#e a "om" going off right in front of us' the "last hurled us @:: feet across the tarmac and through a wire mesh fence. . . AesusI 4hat a sceneI A fantastic tale to lay on the Customs agent in San Antonio9 (And then, officer, while we were lying there on the grass, too stunned to mo!e, another engine explodedI And then anotherI Huge "alls of fireI 2t was a miracle that we escaped with our li!es. . . Hes, so you$ll

298 ha!e to ma#e some allowance for Br. 0loor$s unsteady condition right now. He was "adly sha#en, half hysterical most of the afternoon. . . 2 want to get him "ac# to 1en!er and put him under sedation. . .( 2 was so caught up in this terri"le !ision that 2$d failed to notice 0loor down on his #nees until 2 heard him shout. He$d spread the contents of his #it "ag all o!er the floor of the corridor rummaging through the mess, and now he was smiling happily at the wallet in his hand. (Hou found it.( 2 said. He nodded clutching it with "oth hands, as if it might leap out of his grip with the strength of a half captured lizard and disappear across the crowded lo""y. 2 loo#ed around and saw that people were stopping to watch us. By mind was still whirling from the fiery hallucination that had seized me, "ut 2 was a"le to #neel down and help 0loor stuff his "elongings "ac# into the #it "ag. (4e$re attracting a crowd.( 2 muttered. (/et$s get to the "ar, where it$s safe.( Boments later we were sitting at a ta"le o!erloo#ing the runway, sipping margaritas and watching the ground crew load the 8@8 that would ta#e us to San Antonio. By plan was to stay hun#ered down in the "ar until the last moment, then dash for the plane. Cur luc# had "een excellent, so far, "ut that scene in the lo""y had triggered a wa!e of paranoia in my head. 2 felt !ery conspicuous. 0loor$s mannerisms were "ecoming more and more psychotic. He too# one sip of his drin#, then whac#ed it down onto the ta"le and stared at me. (4hat is thisG( he snarled. (A dou"le margarita,( 2 said, glancing o!er at the waitress to see if she had her eye on us. She did, and 0loor wa!ed at her. (4hat do you wantG( 2 whispered. (*laucoma,( he said. The waitress was on us "efore 2 could argue. *laucoma is an extremely complicated mix of a"out nine unli#ely ingredients that 0loor had learned from some randy old woman he met on the porch of the 0al Hai. She$d taught the "artender there how to ma#e it9 !ery precise measurements of gin, te&uila, ,ahlua, crushed ice, fruit %uices, lime rinds, spices all mixed to perfection in a tall frosted glass. 2t is not the #ind of drin# you want to order in an airport "ar with a head full of acid and a noticea"le speech impediment' especially when you can$t spea# the local language and you %ust spilled the first drin# you ordered all o!er the ta"le. 0ut 0loor persisted. 4hen the waitress a"andoned all hope, he wal#ed o!er to spea# with the "artender. 2 slumped in my chair, #eeping an eye on the plane and hoping it was almost ready to go. 0ut they hadn$t e!en loaded the "aggage yet9 departure time was still @: minutes away plenty of time for some minor incident to mushroom into serious trou"le. 2 watched 0loor tal#ing to the "artender, pointing to !arious "ottles "ehind the "ar and occasionally using his fingers to indicate measurements. The "artender was nodding his head patiently. Finally, 0loor came "ac# to the ta"le. (He$s ma#ing it,( he said. (2$ll "e "ac# in a minute. 2 ha!e "usiness.( 2 ignored him. By mind was drifting again. Two days and nights without sleep plus a steady diet of mind altering drugs and dou"le margaritas were "eginning to affect my alertness. 2 ordered another drin# and stared out at the hot "rown hills "eyond the runway. The "ar was comforta"ly air conditioned, "ut 2 could feel the warm sun through the window. 4hy worryG 2 thought. 4e$!e sur!i!ed the worst. All we ha!e to do now is not miss that plane out there. Cnce we$re across the "order, the worst that can happen is a nightmarish fuc# around at Customs in San Antonio. Bay"e e!en a night in %ail, "ut what the hellG A few misdemeanor charges pu"lic drun#enness, distur"ing the peace, resisting arrest "ut nothing serious, no felony. All the e!idence for that would "e eaten "y the time we landed in Texas. By only real worry was the chance that there might already "e grand larceny charges filed

299 against us in Cozumel. 4e had, after all, %umped two hotel "ills totaling a"out 6<,::: pesos, in addition to lea!ing that half destroyed A!is %eep in the airport par#ing lot another 6<,::: pesos and we had spent the past four or fi!e days in the constant company of a flagrant, "ig !olume drug runner whose e!ery mo!ement and contact, for all we #new, might ha!e "een watched or e!en photographed "y 2nterpol agents. 4here was Fran# nowG Safe at home in CaliforniaG Cr %ailed in Bexico City, swearing desperate ignorance a"out how all those cans of white powder got into his luggageG 2 could almost hear it9 (Hou$!e got to "elie!e me, CaptainI 2 went down to Cozumel to chec# on a land in!estment. 2 was sitting in a "ar one night, minding my own "usiness, when all of a sudden these two drun#en acid frea#s sat down next to me and said they wor#ed for -2A)A1). Cne of them had a handful of purple pills and 2 was stupid enough to eat one. The next thing 2 #new, they were using my hotel room as their head&uarters. They ne!er slept. 2 tried to #eep an eye on them, "ut there were plenty of times while 2 was sleeping when they could ha!e put almost anything in my luggage. . . 4hatG 4here are they nowG 4ell. . . 2 can$t say for sure, "ut 2 can gi!e you the names of the hotels they were using.( AesusI These terri"le hallucinationsI 2 tried to put them out of my mind as 2 finished my drin# and called for another. A paranoid shudder %er#ed me out of my slump in the chair. 2 sat up and loo#ed around. 4here was that "astard 0loorG How long had he "een goneG 2 glanced out at the plane and saw the fuel truc# still par#ed under the wing. 0ut they were loading the "aggage now. Ten more minutes. 2 relaxed again, sho!ing a handful of pesos at the waitress to pay for our drin#s, trying to smile at her. . . when suddenly the whole airport seemed to echo with the sound of my name "eing shouted o!er a thousand loud spea#ers. . . then 2 heard 0loor$s name. . . a harsh, hea!ily accented !oice, "ellowing along the corridors li#e the scream of a "anshee. . . (.ASS)N*)+S H-NT)+ THCB.SCN AN1 HA2/ 0/CC+. +).C+T 2BB)12AT)/H TC TH) 2BB2*+AT2CN 1)S,. . .( 2 was too stunned to mo!e. (Bother of twel!e "astardsI( 2 whispered. (1id 2 actually hear thatG( 2 gripped "oth arms of my chair and tried to concentrate. 4as 2 hallucinating againG There was no way to "e sure. . . Then 2 heard the !oice again, "ooming all o!er the airport9 (42// .ASS)N*)+S H-NT)+ THCB.SCN AN1 HA2/ 0/CC+ +).C+T 2BB)12AT)/H TC TH) 2BB2*+AT2CN 1)S,. . .( NoI 2 thought. This is impossi"leI 2t had to "e paranoid dementia. By fear of "eing nailed at the last moment had "ecome so intense that 2 was hearing !oicesI The sun through the window had caused the acid to "oil in my "rain' a huge "u""le of drugs had "urst a wea# !ein in my frontal lo"es. Then 2 saw 0loor rushing into the "ar. His eyes were wild, his hands were flapping crazily. (1id you hear that." he shouted. 2 stared at him. 4ell. . . 2 thought, we$re fuc#ed. He heard it, too. . . or e!en if he hadn$t, e!en if we$re both hallucinating, it means we$!e C.1.$d. . . totally out of control for the next six hours, crazed with fear and confusion, feeling our "odies disappear and our heads swell up li#e "alloons, una"le to e!en recognize each other. . . (4a#e upI *oddamn itI( he yelled. (4e ha!e to ma#e a run for the planeI( 2 shrugged. (2t$s no use. They$ll gra" us at the gate.( He was frantically trying to zip up his #it "ag. (Are you sure those were our names they calledG Are you &ositive." 2 nodded, still not mo!ing. Somewhere in the middle of my half num" "rain, the truth was "eginning to stir. 2 was not hallucinating' the nightmare was real. . . and 2 suddenly remem"ered the

300 Stri#er .+ man$s tal# a"out that all powerful 4efe in Cozumel who had the fuel license. Cf course. A man with that #ind of le!erage would ha!e connections all o!er Bexico9 police, airlines, 2mmigration. 2t was madness to thin# we could cross him and get away with it. No dou"t he controlled the A!is franchise, too. . . and he$d gone into action the minute his henchmen found that crippled %eep in the airport par#ing lot, with its windshield shattered and an 66 day "ill unpaid. The phone lines had "een humming @:,::: feet "eneath us all the way to Bonterrey. And now, with less than ten minutes to spare, they had am"ushed us. 2 stood up and slung the sea"ag o!er my shoulder %ust as the waitress "rought 0loor$s glaucoma. He loo#ed at her, then lifted it off the tray and dran# the whole thing in one gulp. "(racias! gracias!" he mum"led, handing her a <: peso note. She started to ma#e change, "ut he shoo# his head. "Nada! nada! #eep the goddamn change.( Then he pointed toward the #itchen. (0ac# doorG( he said eagerly. "V8 ito." He nodded at the plane a"out <: feet "elow us on the runway. 2 could see a few passengers "eginning to "oard. (0ig hurryI( 0loor told her. "U3m&ortante+" She loo#ed puzzled, then pointed to the main entrance to the "ar. He stuttered helplessly for a moment, then "egan shouting9 (4here$s the goddamn back door to this placeG 4e ha!e to catch that plane no"+" A long delayed rush of adrenaline was "eginning to clear my head. 2 gra""ed his arm and lurched toward the main door. (/et$s go,( 2 said. (4e$ll run right past the "astards.( By "rain was still foggy, "ut the adrenaline had triggered a "asic sur!i!al instinct. Cur only hope was to run li#e doomed rats for the only a!aila"le opening and hope for a miracle. As we hurried down the corridor, 2 %er#ed one of the .+)SS tags off my sea"ag and ga!e it to 0loor. (Start wa!ing this at them when we hit the gate,( 2 said, leaping sideways to a!oid a co!ey of nuns in our way "U-ardonne?+" 2 shouted. "U-rensa+ U-rensa+ UMucho im&ortante+" 0loor pic#ed up the cry as we approached the gate, running at full speed and shouting incoherently in gar"led Spanish. The 2mmigration "ooth was %ust "eyond the glass doors leading out to the runway. The stairway up to the plane was still full of passengers, "ut the cloc# a"o!e the gate said exactly 669@: departure time. Cur only hope was to "urst past the cops at the des# and dash a"oard the plane %ust as the stewardess pulled the "ig sil!er door closed. . . 4e had to slow down as we approached the glass doors, wa!ing our tic#ets at the cops and yelling "U-rensa+ U-rensa+" at e!ery"ody in front of us. 2 was pouring sweat "y this time and we were "oth gasping for "reath. A small, muscular loo#ing cop in a white shirt and dar# glasses mo!ed out to head us off as we stum"led through the doors. (SeRor 0loorG SeRor ThompsonG( he as#ed sharply. The !oice of doom. 2 staggered to a halt and sagged against the des#, "ut 0loor$s leather soled Bod "oots wouldn$t hold on the mar"le floor and he s#idded past me at full speed and crashed into a ten foot potted palm, dropping his #it "ag and mangling se!eral "ranches that he gra""ed to #eep from falling. "SeRor ThompsonG SeRor 0loorG( Cur accuser had a one trac# mind. Cne of his assistants had run o!er to help 0loor #eep his feet. Another cop pic#ed his #it "ag off the floor and handed it to him. 2 was too exhausted to do anything "ut nod my head mee#ly. The cop who$d called our names too# the tic#et out of my hand and glanced at it then &uic#ly handed it "ac# to me. (Ah haI( he said with a grin. "SeRor ThompsonI( Then he loo#ed at 0loor. (Hou are SeRor 0loorG( (Hou$re goddamn right 2 amI( 0loor snapped. (4hat the hell$s going on hereG This is a goddamn outrage all this wax on these floorsI 2 almost got #illedI( The little cop grinned again. 4as there something sadistic in his smileG 2 couldn$t "e sure. 0ut it didn$t matter now. They had us on the gaff. 2 flashed on all the people 2 #new who$d "een

301 "usted in Bexico' dopers who$d pushed their luc# too far, gotten careless. No dou"t we would find friends in prison' 2 could almost hear them hooting their cheerful greetings as we were led into the yard and turned loose. This scene passed through my head in milliseconds. 0loor$s wild yells were still floating in the air as the cop "egan pushing me out the door toward the plane. (HurryI HurryI( he was saying. . . and "ehind me 2 heard his assistant prodding 0loor. (4e were afraid you would miss the plane,( he was saying. (4e called on the ..A. system.( He was grinning "roadly now. (Hou almost missed the plane.( 4e were almost to San Antonio "efore 2 got a grip on myself. The adrenaline was still pumping !iolently through my head' the acid and "ooze and fatigue had "een totally neutralized "y that scene at the gate. By ner!es were so %angled as the plane too# off that 2 had to "eg the stewardess for two Scotch and waters, which 2 used to down two of our four reds. 0loor ate the other two, with the help of two "loody marys. His hands were trem"ling "adly, his eyes were filled with "lood. . . "ut as he came "ac# to life, he "egan cursing (those dirty "astards on the ..A. system( who had caused him to panic and get rid of all the co#e. (AesusI( he said &uietly, (you can imagine what a horror that wasI 2 was standing there at the urinal, with my %oint in one hand and a co#e spoon in the other %amming the stuff up my nose and trying to piss at the same time when all of a fuc#ing sudden it %ust exploded all around meI They ha!e a spea#er up there in the corner of that "athroom, and the whole place is tileI( He too# a long hit on the drin#. (Shit, 2 almost went crazyI 2t was li#e some"ody had snuc# up "ehind me and dropped a cherry "om" down the "ac# of my shirt. All 2 could thin# of was getting rid of the co#e. 2 threw it into one of the urinals and ran li#e a "astard for the "ar.( He laughed ner!ously. (Hell, 2 didn$t e!en zip up my pants' 2 was running down the hall with my %oint hanging out.( 2 smiled, remem"ering the sense of almost apocalyptic despair that seized me when 2 heard the first announcement. (That$s odd,( 2 said. (2t ne!er e!en occurred to me to get rid of the drugs. 2 was thin#ing a"out all those hotel "ills and that goddamn %eep. 2f they$d nailed us for that stuff, a few pills wouldn$t ma#e much difference.( He seemed to "rood for a while. . . then he spo#e, staring fixedly at the seat in front of him. (4ell. . . 2 don$t #now a"out you. . . "ut 2 don$t thin# 2 could stand another shoc# li#e that one. 2 had a"out 7: seconds of pure terror. 2 felt li#e my whole life had ended. AesusI Standing at that urinal with a co#e spoon up my nose and suddenly hearing my name on the spea#er. . .( He moaned softly. (Now 2 #now how /iddy must ha!e felt when he saw those cops running into the 4atergate. . . seeing his whole life fall apart, from a hot rod in the 4hite House to a twenty year %ail"ird in sixty seconds.( (Fuc# /iddy,( 2 said. (2t couldn$t ha!e happened to a nicer guy.( 2 laughed out loud. (/iddy was the "astard who ran Cperation 2ntercept remem"er thatG( 0loor nodded. (4hat do you thin# would ha!e happened if *ordon /iddy had "een standing at the gate when we came crashing throughG( He smiled, sipping his drin#. (4e$d "e sitting in a Bexican %ail right now,( 2 said. (Aust one of these pills( 2 held up a purple acid ta" (would ha!e "een enough to dri!e /iddy into a hate frenzy. He$d ha!e had us loc#ed up on suspicion of e!erything from hi%ac#ing to dope smuggling.( He loo#ed at the pill 2 was holding, then reached for it. (/et$s finish these off,( he said. (2 can$t stand this ner!ousness.( (Hou$re right,( 2 said, reaching into my poc#et for the other one. (4e$re almost to San Antonio.( 2 tossed the pill down my throat and called the stewardess for another drin#.

302 (2s that itG( he as#ed. (Are we cleanG( 2 nodded. ()xcept for the speed.( (*et rid of it,( he said. (4e$re almost there.( (1on$t worry,( 2 replied. (This acid will ta#e hold %ust a"out the time we land. 4e should order more drin#s.( 2 un"uc#led my seat "elt and wal#ed up the aisle to the la!atory, fully intending to flush the speed down the toilet. . . "ut when 2 got inside, with the door loc#ed "ehind me, 2 stared down at the little "uggers resting so peacefully there in my palm. . . ten caps of pure white amphetamine powder. . . and 2 thought9 No, we might need these, in case of another emergency. 2 remem"ered the dangerous lethargy that had gripped me in Bonterrey. . . Then 2 loo#ed down at my white can!as "as#et"all shoes and noticed how snugly the tongues fit under the laces. . . plenty of pressure down there, 2 thought, and plenty of room for ten pills. . . so 2 put all the speed in my shoes and went "ac# to the seat. No point mentioning it to 0loor, 2 thought. $e*s clean, and therefore totally innocent. 2t would only inhi"it his capacity for righteous anger, 2 felt, if 2 told him a"out the speed 2 was still carrying. . . until we were safely through Customs and reeling "lindly around the San Antonio airport' then he would than# me for it. San Antonio was a ca#ewal#' no trou"le at all despite the fact that we !irtually fell off the plane, "adly twisted again, and "y the time we got our "ags onto the con!eyor "elt leading up to the tall "lac# Customs agent, we were "oth laughing li#e fools at the trail of orange amphetamine pills strung out "ehind us on the floor of the tin roofed Customs shed. 2 was arguing with the agent a"out how much import tax 2 would ha!e to pay on the two "ottles of &rima te&uila 2 was carrying when 2 noticed 0loor was almost dou"led o!er with laughter right "eside me. He had %ust paid a tax of L<.>> on his own te&uila, and now he was crac#ing up while the agent fussed o!er m' tax. (4hat$s the hells$s wrong with youG( 2 snapped, glancing "ac# at him. . . Then 2 noticed he was loo#ing down at my feet, fighting so hard to control his laughter that he was ha!ing trou"le #eeping his "alance. 2 loo#ed down. . . and there, a"out six inches from my right shoe, was a "right orange Spansule. Another one was sitting on the "lac# ru""er floor mat a"out two feet "ehind me. . . and two feet farther "ac# was another. They loo#ed as "ig as foot"alls. 2nsane, 2 thought. 2$!e left a trail of speed all the way from the plane to this "eetle "rowed Customs agent who was now handing me the official receipt for my li&uor tax. 2 accepted it with a smile that was already disintegrating into hysteria as 2 too# it out of his hand. He was staring grimly at 0loor, who was out of control now, still laughing at the floor. The Customs man couldn$t see what Hail was laughing at "ecause of the con!eyor "elt "etween us. . . "ut 3 could9 2t was another one of those goddamn orange "alls, resting on the white can!as toe of my shoe. 2 reached down as casually as 2 could and put the thing in my poc#et. The Customs man watched us with a loo# of total disgust on his face and we hauled our "ags through the swinging wooden doors and into the lo""y of the San Antonio airport. (Can you "elie!e thatG( 0loor said. (He ne!er e!en loo#ed inside these damn thingsI For all he #nows, we %ust came across the "order with two hundred pounds of pure scagI( 2 stopped laughing. 2t was true. By "ig suitcase the elephants#in A"ercrom"ie 3 Fitch %o" with "rass corners was still securely loc#ed. Not one of our "ags had "een opened for e!en the laziest inspection. 4e had listed the fi!e &uarts of te&uila on our declaration forms and that was all that seemed to interest him. (Aesus ChristI( 0loor was saying. (2f we$d only kno"n.( 2 smiled, "ut 2 was still feeling ner!ous a"out it. There was something almost eerie a"out two laughing, staggering dopers chec#ing through one of the hea!iest drug chec# points on the Customs map without e!en opening their "ags. 2t was almost insulting. The more 2 thought a"out it, the angrier 2 felt. . . "ecause that cold eyed nigger had "een a"solutely right. He had sized us up

303 perfectly with one glance. 2 could almost hear him thin#ing9 "(oddamn+ /oo# at these two slo""ering hon#ies. Any"ody this fuc#ed up can$t "e serious.( 4hich was true. The only thing we slipped past him was a single cap of speed, and e!en that was an accident. So, in truth, he had sa!ed himself a lot of unnecessary wor# "y ignoring our "aggage. 2 would ha!e preferred not to understand this em"arrassment so #eenly, "ecause it plunged me into a fit of depression despite the acid, or may"e "ecause of it. The rest of that trip was a nightmare of paranoid "lunders and the #ind of small humiliations that haunt you for many wee#s afterward. A"out halfway "etween San Antonio and 1en!er, 0loor reached out into the aisle and gra""ed a stewardess "y the leg, causing her to drop a tray of @6 wineglasses, which crashed in a heap at her feet and ignited rum"lings of "ad discontent from the other first class passengers who had ordered wine with their lunch. (Hou stin#ing, dope addict "astardI( 2 muttered, trying to ignore him in the "urst of ugliness that surrounded us. He grinned stupidly, ignoring the howls of the stewardess and fixing me with a dazed, uncomprehending stare that confirmed, fore!er, my con!ictions that no"ody with e!en latent inclinations to use drugs should e!er try to smuggle them. 4e were !irtually sho!eled off the plane in 1en!er, laughing and staggering in such a rotten condition that we were "arely a"le to claim our luggage. Bonths later, 2 recei!ed a letter from a friend in Cozumel, as#ing if 2 were still interesting in "uying an interest in some "each acres on the Cari""ean shores. 2t arri!ed %ust as 2 was preparing to lea!e for 4ashington to co!er (The 2mpeachment of +ichard Nixon,( the final act in a drama that "egan, for me, almost exactly a year earlier when 2 had "ought a Ne"s from a news"oy hustling the porch of the 0al Hai in Cozumel and read Aohn 1ean$s original outcry a"out refusing to "e the (scapegoat( 4ell. . . a lot of madness has flowed under our !arious "ridges since then, and we ha!e all presuma"ly learned a lot of things. Aohn 1ean is in prison, +ichard Nixon has &uit and "een pardoned "y his hand pic#ed successor, and my feeling for national politics is a"out the same as my feeling for deep sea fishing, "uying land in Cozumel or anything else where the losers end up thrashing around in the water on a "ar"ed hoo#. -la'bo' Maga?ine! 1ecem"er 678;

9+330 Carter an- the Great Leap o5 #a+th

Fear @ 2oathing on the /am&aign Trail CF Third#Rate Romance! 2o"#Rent Rende?vous The V+e4 5ro3 /e0 West< "+net0 %+les "orth o5 Ha2ana an- "+ne Hun-re- =ears on the Ca3pa+*n Tra+l. . . #are4ell to the Bo0s on the Bus< !r, 9ohnn0, I "e2er /ne4 =e. . . Another Ru-e an- W+st5ul Tale 5ro3 the Bo4els o5 the A3er+,an $rea3, W+th "otes, "+*ht3ares an- !ther Stran*e %e3or+es 5ro3 %an,hester, Boston, %+a3+ an- Pla+ns, Geor*+a. . . An- DDA Volts 5ro3 Castrato, the $e3on Lo2er o5 Co,onut Gro2e A lot of &eo&le "ill tell 'ou that horses get s&ooked because the'*re 4ust naturall' nervous and 4itter'! but that ain*t right. %hat 'ou have to remember is that a horse sees things ma'be si or seven times bigger than "e do. 02//H H)+BAN, a harness#racing trainer at -om&ano -ark in Miami

304 This news %ust came o!er the radio, followed "y a song a"out (faster horses, younger women, older whis#ey and more money. . .( and then came a news item a"out a .olish gentleman who was arrested earlier today for throwing (more than two dozen "owling "alls into the sea off a pier in Fort /auderdale( "ecause, he told arresting officers, (he thought they were nigger eggs.( . . . 4e are li!ing in !ery strange times, and they are li#ely to get a lot stranger "efore we "ottom out. 4hich could happen a lot sooner than e!en Henry ,issinger thin#s. . . 0ecause this is, after all, another election year, and almost e!ery"ody 2 tal# to seems to feel we are headed for strangeness. . . of one sort or another. And some people say we are already deep in the midst of it. 4hich may "e true. The e!idence points "oth ways. . . 0ut from my perch in this plastic cat"ird seat out here on the southernmost rim of ,ey 4est, the "arometer loo#s to "e falling so fast on all fronts that it no longer matters. And now comes this filthy news in the latest *allup .oll that Hu"ert Humphrey will "e our next president. . . Cr, failing that, he will foul the national air for the next six months and dri!e us all to smac# with his poison gi""erish. Aesus, no wonder that poor "astard up in Fort /auderdale ran amo# and decided that all "owling "alls were actually nigger eggs that would ha!e to "e hurled, at once, into shar# infested waters. He was pro"a"ly a desperate political acti!ist of some #ind trying to send a message to 4ashington. /ast night, on this same radio station, 2 heard a warning a"out (a new out"rea# of dog mutilations in Coconut *ro!e.( The disc %oc#ey reading the news sounded angry and agitated. (Three more mongrel dogs were found castrated and "arely ali!e tonight,( he said, (and in!estigating officers said there was no dou"t that all three animals were !ictims of the same "loodthirsty psychotic a stoc#y middle aged Cu"an #nown as $Castrato$ who has terrorized dog owners in Coconut *ro!e for the past three months. (Today$s mutilations, police said, were executed with the same sadistic precision as all the others. According to the owner of one !ictim, a half "reed chow watchdog named 4illie, the dog was $minding his own "usiness, %ust lying out there in the dri!eway, when all of a sudden 2 heard him start yelping and 2 loo#ed out the front door %ust in time to see this dirty little spic shoot him again with one of those electric flashlight guns. Then the sonofa"itch gra""ed 4illie "y the hind legs and threw him into the "ac# of an old red pic#up. 2 yelled at him, "ut "y the time 2 got hold of my shotgun and ran out on the porch, he was gone. 2t all happened so fast that 2 didn$t e!en get the license num"er off the truc#.$ ( The !oice on the radio paused for a long moment, then dipped a few octa!es and went on with the story9 $Se!eral hours later, police said, 4illie and two other dogs "oth mongrels were found in a !acant lot near the 1inner ,ey yacht marina. All three had "een expertly castrated. . .( Another long pause, followed "y a moaning sound as the radio !oice seemed to crac# and stutter momentarily. . . And then it continued, !ery slowly9 (The nature of the wounds, police said, left no room for dou"t that today$s mutilations were the wor# of the same fiendish hand responsi"le for all "ut two of the ;7 pre!ious dog castrations in Coconut *ro!e this year. ( $This is definitely the wor# of Castrato,$ said Senior 1og 4arden /ionel Clay at a hastily called press conference late this afternoon. $/oo# at the razor wor# on this mongrel chow,$ Clay told reporters. $These cuts are surgically perfect, and so is this cauterization. This man you call (Castrato( is no amateur, gentlemen. This is !ery artistic surgery may"e <: or << seconds from start to finish, assuming he wor#s with a whip steel straight razor and a @@: !olt soldering iron.$ (Clay ended the press conference on a humorous note, urging reporters to $wor# li#e dogs until this case is crac#ed. And if any of you people own mongrels,$ he added, $either #eep them out of Coconut *ro!e or ha!e them put to sleep.$ (Beanwhile,( said the newscaster, (South Biami police ha!e warned all dog owners in the area to "e on the loo#out for a red pic#up truc# cruising slowly in residential neigh"orhoods. The

305 dri!er, a small "ut muscular Cu"an "etween ;: and <: years old, is #nown to "e armed with an extremely dangerous, high !oltage electric weapon called a $Taser$ and is also criminally insane.( Aesus ChristI 2$m not sure 2 can handle this #ind of news and frantic stimulus at four o$cloc# in the morning especially with a head full of speed, "ooze and .ercodan. 2t is extremely difficult to concentrate on the cheap realities of Campaign $8= under these circumstances. The idea of co!ering e!en the early stages of this cynical and increasingly retrograde campaign has already plunged me into a condition "ordering on terminal despair, and if 2 thought 2 might ha!e to stay with these people all the way to No!em"er 2 would change my name and see# wor# as a professional alligator poacher in the swamps around /a#e C#eecho"ee. By frame of mind is not right for another long and maddening year of total in!ol!ement in a presidential campaign. . . and somewhere in the "ac# of my "rain lur#s a growing suspicion that this campaign is not right either' "ut that is not the #ind of %udgment any %ournalist should ma#e at this point. At least not in print. So for the moment 2 will try to suspend "oth the despair and the final %udgment. 0oth will "e massi!ely %ustified in the next few months, 2 thin# and until then 2 can fall "ac# on the firmly held "ut rarely &uoted con!iction of most "ig time 4ashington pols that nobod' can function at top form on a full time "asis in more than one presidential campaign. This rule of thum" has ne!er "een applied to %ournalists, to my #nowledge, "ut there is ample e!idence to suggest it should "e. There is no reason to thin# that e!en the "est and "rightest of %ournalists, as it were, can repeatedly or e!en more than once cran# themsel!es up to the le!el of genuinely fanatical energy, commitment and total concentration it ta#es to li!e in the speeding !ortex of a presidential campaign from start to finish. There is not enough room on that hell "ound train for any"ody who wants to relax and act human now and then. 2t is a gig for am"itious zealots and terminal action %un#ies. . . and this is especially true of a campaign li#e this one, which so far lac#s any central, o!erriding issue li#e the war in Dietnam that "rought so many talented and totally dedicated nonpoliticians into the $=> and $8@ campaigns. The issues this time are too !aried and far too complex for the instant polarization of a 4hich Side Are Hou CnG crusade. There will not "e many ideologues seriously in!ol!ed in the $8= campaign' this one is a technicians$ trip, run "y and for politicians. . . 4hich is not really a hell of a lot different from any other campaign, except that this time it is going to "e painfully o"!ious. This time, on the @::th anni!ersary of what used to "e called (The American 1ream,( we are going to ha!e our noses ru""ed, day after day on the tu"e and in the headlines in this mess we ha!e made for oursel!es. Toda'! "herever in this "orld 3 meet a man or "oman "ho fought for S&anish libert'! 3 meet a kindred soul. 3n those 'ears "e lived our best! and "hat has come after and "hat there is to come can never carr' us to those heights again. from The 8ducation of a /orres&ondent "y H)+0)+T BATTH)4S By pro"lem with this campaign "egan not &uite two years ago, in Bay of 678;, when 2 flew down to *eorgia with Teddy ,ennedy and ran into Aimmy Carter. The meeting was not so much accidental as ine!ita"le9 2 #new almost nothing a"out Carter at the time, and that was all 2 wanted to #now. He was the lame duc# go!ernor of *eorgia who had nominated (Scoop( Aac#son at the 678@ 1emocratic Con!ention in Biami, and in the course of that year 2 had written some ugly things a"out him. . . .Cr at least that$s what he told me when 2 showed up at the go!ernor$s mansion for "rea#fast at eight o$cloc# in the morning. 2 had "een up all night, in the company of serious degenerates. . . ah, "ut let$s not get into that, at least not &uite yet. 2 %ust reread that Castrato "usiness, and it stri#es me that 2 am pro"a"ly %ust one or two twisted tangents away from terminal fusing of

306 the "rain circuits. Hes, the point9 my feeling for Southern politicians is not especially warm, e!en now. )!er since the first cannon"alls fell on Fort Sumter in 6>=6, Southern politics has "een dominated "y thie!es, "igots, warmongers and "uffoons. There were go!ernors li#e )arl /ong in /ouisiana, (,issin$ Aim( Folsom in Ala"ama and Cr!al Fau"us in Ar#ansas. . . and senators li#e 0il"o and )astland from Bississippi, Smathers and *urney from Florida. . . and /yndon Aohnson from Texas. Toward the end of the Ci!il +ights mo!ement in the 67=:s, the go!ernor of *eorgia was a white trash ding"at named /ester Baddox who is still with us, in one crude form or another and when the curtain finally falls on *eorge 4allace, he will pro"a"ly go down in history as the *reatest Thief of them all. 4allace was the first Southern politician to understand that there are %ust as many mean, stupid "igots a"o!e the Bason 1ixon /ine as there are "elow it, and when he made the shrewd decision to (go national( in 67=>, he created an Ala"ama "ased industry that has since made !ery rich men of himself and a handful of cronies. For more than a decade, *eorge 4allace has "am"oozled the national press and terrified the ran#ing fixers in "oth ma%or parties. 2n 67=>, he too# enough 1emocratic !otes from Hu"ert Humphrey to elect +ichard Nixon, and if he had "othered to understand the delegate selection process in 678@, he could ha!e pre!ented Bc*o!ern$s nomination and muscled himself into the num"er two spot on a Humphrey 4allace tic#et. Bc*o!ern could not ha!e sur!i!ed a second "allot short fall in Biami that year, and any"ody who thin#s the Happy 4arrior would not ha!e made that trade with 4allace is a fool. Hu"ert Humphrey would ha!e traded an'thing! with an'bod'! to get the 1emocratic nomination for himself in 678@. . . and he$ll "e ready to trade again, this year, if he sees the slightest chance. And he does. He saw it on the morning after the New Hampshire primary, when fi!e percent of the !ote came in as (uncommitted.( That rotten, truthless old frea# was on national TD at the crac# of dawn, cac#ling li#e a hen full of amyls at the (wonderful news( from New Hampshire. After almost four years of relati!ely statesmanli#e restraint and infre&uent TD appearances that showed his gray hair and haggard %owls four long and frantic years that saw the fall of +ichard Nixon, the end of the war in Dietnam and a neo collapse of the -.S. economy after all that time and all those so"er denials that he would ne!er run for president, all it too# to %er# Hu"ert out of his closet was the news from New Hampshire that fi!e percent of the 1emocratic !oters, less than ;::: people, in that strange little state had cast their "allots for (uncommitted( delegates. To Humphrey, who was not e!en entered in the New Hampshire primary, this meant five &ercent for him. Ne!er mind that a completely un#nown ex go!ernor of *eorgia had "on the New Hampshire with more than ?:X of the !ote' or that li"eral Congressman Borris -dall had finished a solid "ut disappointing second with @;X' or that li"eral Senator 0irch 0ayh ran third with 6=X. . . None of that mattered to Hu"ert, "ecause he was pri!y to !arious rumors and force fed press reports that many of the (uncommitted( delegates in New Hampshire were secret Humphrey supporters. There was no way to "e sure, of course "ut no reason to dou"t it, either' at least not in the mushy mind of the Happy 4arrior. His first TD appearance of the $8= campaign was a nasty shoc# to me. 2 had "een up all night, tapping the glass and nursing my "ets along E2 had "et the &uinella, ta#ing Carter and +eagan against -dall and FordF and when the sun came up on 4ednesday 2 was slumped in front of a TD set in an ancient New )ngland farmhouse on a hilltop near a hamlet called Contoocoo#. 2 had won early on Carter, "ut 2 had to wait for Hughes +udd and the Morning Ne"s to learn that Ford had finally o!erta#en +eagan. The margin at dawn was less than one percent, "ut it was enough to "low my &uinella and put +eagan "ac# on Cheap Street, where he$s "een e!er since. . . and 2 was "rooding on this unexpected loss, sipping my coffee and tapping the glass once again, when all of a sudden 2 was smac#ed right straight in the eyes with the wild eyed "a""ling spectacle of Hu"ert Horatio Humphrey. His hair was "right orange, his chee#s were rouged, his forehead was ca#ed with

307 Bantan, and his mouth was mo!ing so fast that the words poured out in a high pitched chattering whine. . . (C my goodness, my gracious. . . isn$t it wonderfulG Hes, yes indeed. . . C yes, it %ust goes to show. . . 2 %ust can$t say enough. . .( NoI 2 thought. This can$t "e true. Not nowI Not so soonI Here was this monster! this shameful electrified corpse giggling and ra!ing and flapping his hands at the camera li#e he$d %ust "een elected president. He loo#ed li#e three iguanas in a feeding frenzy. 2 stood up and "ac#ed off from the TD set, "ut the !iew was no different from the other side of the room. 2 was seeing The +eal Thing, and it stunned me. . . 0ecause 2 #new, in my heart, that he "as real9 that e!en with a fi!e percent shadow !ote in the year$s first primary, where his name was not on the "allot, and despite Aimmy Carter$s surprising !ictory and four other nationally #nown candidates finishing higher than (uncommitted,( that Hu"ert Humphrey had somehow emerged from the chaos of New Hampshire with yet another new life, and another serious shot at the presidency of the -nited States. This was more than a !isceral feeling, or some painful flash of dread instinct. 2t was, in fact, a thing 2$d predicted myself at least six months earlier. . . 2t was a summer night in 4ashington and 2 was ha!ing dinner at an outdoor restaurant near the Capitol with what the %all Street Journal later descri"ed as (a half dozen top operati!es from the 678@ Bc*o!ern campaign.( And at that point there were already three certain candidates for $8= Aimmy Carter, Bo -dall and Fred Harris. 4e had %ust come from a "rief and feisty little session with Carter, and on the way to the restaurant we had run into -dall on the street, so the tal# at the ta"le was understanda"ly (deep politics.( Cnly one person in the group had e!en a tentati!e commitment to a candidate in $8=, and after an hour or two of cruel %udgments and "itter comment, Alan 0aron Bc*o!ern$s press secretary and a prime mo!er in the (new politics( wing of the 1emocratic party proposed a secret "allot to find out which candidate those of us at the ta"le actually "elie!ed would "e the party nominee in 678=. (Not who we want, or who we li#e,( 0aron stressed, ("ut who we really thin# is gonna get it.( 2 tore a page out of my note"oo# and sliced it up to ma#e "allots. 4e each too# one, wrote a name on it, then folded it up and passed the "allots to 0aron, a Farou# li#e personage with a carni!orous sense of humor and the "uild of a sumo wrestler. EAlan and 2 ha!e not always "een friends. He was Bus#ie$s campaign manager for Florida in $8@, and he had ne!er entirely reco!ered from his encounter with the *in Crazed 0oohoo on 0ig )d$s (Sunshine Special(. . . and e!en now, after all this time, 2 will occasionally catch him staring at me with a feral glint in his eyes.F 2ndeed, and so much for that %ust another "uc#et of "ad "lood gone under the "ridge, so to spea#, and in presidential politics you learn to lo!e the "ridges and ne!er loo# down. 4hich gets us "ac# to the !ote count, and the leer on 0aron$s face when he unfolded the first "allot. (2 #new it,( he said. (That$s two already, counting mine. . . yeah, here$s another one.( He loo#ed up and laughed. (2t$s a landslide for Hu"ert.( And it was. The final count was Humphrey ;, Bus#ie @ and one !ote for -dall from +ic# Stearns, who was already in!ol!ed in the planning and organizing stages of -dall$s campaign. No"ody else at the ta"le was committed to anything except gloom, pessimism and a sort of aggressi!e neutrality. So much for the idea of a se&uel to Fear and 2oathing on the /am&aign Trail *C=. 0arring some totally unexpected de!elopment, 2 will lea!e the dreary tas# of chronicling this low rent trip to Teddy 4hite, who is already trapped in a place 2 don$t want to "e. 0ut there is no way to escape without wallowing deep in the first few primaries and getting a feel, more or less, for the e!idence. . . And in order to properly depress and degrade myself for the ordeal to come, 2 decided in early Aanuary to resurrect the National Affairs 1es# and set up, once again, in the place where 2 spent so much time in 678@ and then again in 678;. These were the "oom and "ust years of +ichard Bilhous Nixon, who was criminally insane and also president of

308 the -nited States for fi!e years. %ar,h+n* throu*h Geor*+a 4+th Te- /enne-0. . . $eep, $o4n an- $+rt0K on the $arkest S+-e o5 Sha3e. . . The Pol+t+,s o5 %0ster0 an- Bloo- on the Han-s o5 $ean Rusk. . . 9+330 Carter.s La4 $a0 Spee,h, an- Wh0 It Was Shrou-e- +n Se,re,0 10 Persons nkno4n. . . $er10 $a0 +n the Go2ernor.s %ans+on an- the Stran*l+n* o5 the Sloat $+a3on3f an' &erson shall carnall' kno" in an' manner an' brute animal! or carnall' kno" an' male or female &erson b' the anus or b' and "ith the mouth! or voluntaril' submit to such carnal kno"ledge! he or she shall be guilt' of a felon' and shall be confined in the &enitentiar' not less than one 'ear nor more than three 'ears. Commonwealth of Dirginia Anti Sodomy Statute, 687@ Cne of the most difficult pro"lems for a %ournalist co!ering a presidential campaign is getting to #now the candidates well enough to ma#e confident %udgments a"out them, "ecause it is %ust a"out impossi"le for a %ournalist to esta"lish a personal relationship with any candidate who has already made the "ig leap from (long shot( to (serious contender.( The pro"lem "ecomes more and more serious as the sta#es get higher, and "y the time a candidate has sur!i!ed enough primaries to con!ince himself and his staff that they will all "e eating their lunches in the 4hite House Bess for the next four years, he is long past the point of ha!ing either the time or the inclination to treat any %ournalist who doesn$t already #now him personally as anything "ut %ust another face in the campaign (press corps.( There are many complex theories a"out the progressi!e stages of a presidential campaign, "ut for the moment let$s say there are three9 Stage Cne is the period "etween the decision to run for president and the morning after the New Hampshire primary when the field is still crowded, the staff organizations are still loose and relaxed, and most candidates are still hungry for all the help they can get especially media exposure, so they can get their names in the *allup .oll' Stage Two is the (winnowing out,( the separating of the sheep from the goats, when the two or three sur!i!ors of the early primaries "egin loo#ing li#e long distance runners with a realistic shot at the party nomination' and Stage Three "egins whene!er the national media, the pu"lic opinion polls and Bayor 1aley of Chicago decide that a candidate has pic#ed up enough irre!ersi"le momentum to "egin loo#ing li#e at least a &robable nominee, and a &ossible next president. This three stage "rea#down is not rooted in any special wisdom or scientific analysis, "ut it fits "oth the 678@ and 678= 1emocratic campaigns well enough to ma#e the point that any %ournalist who doesn$t get a pretty firm personal fix on a candidate while he$s still in Stage Cne might %ust as well go with his or her instincts all the way to )lection 1ay in No!em"er, "ecause once a candidate gets to Stage Two his whole lifestyle changes drastically. At that point he "ecomes a pu"lic figure, a serious contender, and the demands on his time and energy "egin escalating to the le!el of madness. He wa#es up e!ery morning to face a split second, 6> hour a day schedule of meetings, airports, speeches, press conferences, motorcades and handsha#ing. 2nstead of ram"ling, off the cuff tal#s o!er a drin# or two with reporters from small town newspapers, he is suddenly flying all o!er the country in his own chartered %et full of syndicated columnists and networ# TD stars. . . Cameras and microphones follow him e!erywhere he goes, and instead of pleading long and earnestly for the support of 6< amateur political acti!ists gathered in some )nglish professor$s li!ing room in ,eene, New Hampshire, he is reading the same clichR riddled speech often three or four times in a single day to !ast auditoriums full of people who either laugh or applaud at all the wrong times and who may or may not "e supporters. . . And all the fat cats, la"or leaders and "ig time pols who couldn$t find the time to return his phone calls when he was desperately loo#ing for help a few months ago are now ringing his phone off the hoo# within

309 minutes after his arri!al in whate!er 0oston, Biami or Bilwau#ee hotel his managers ha!e "oo#ed him into that night. 0ut they are not calling to offer their help and support, they %ust want to ma#e sure he understands that they don$t plan to help or support any"ody else, until they get to #now him a little "etter. 2t is a !ery mean game that these high rolling, coldhearted hustlers play. The president of the -nited States may no longer "e (the most powerful man in the world,( "ut he is still close enough to "e sure that no"ody else in the world is going to cross him "y accident. And any"ody who starts loo#ing li#e he might get his hands on that #ind of power had "etter get comforta"le, right from the start, with the certain #nowledge that he is going to ha!e to lean on some !ery mean and merciless people %ust to get himself elected. The power of the presidency is so !ast that it is pro"a"ly a good thing, in retrospect, that only a !ery few people in this country understood the gra!ity of +ichard Nixon$s mental condition during his last year in the 4hite House. There were moments in that year when e!en his closest friends and ad!isers were con!inced that the president of the -nited States was so crazy with rage and "ooze and suicidal despair that he was only two martinis away from losing his grip entirely and suddenly loc#ing himself in his office long enough to ma#e that single telephone call that would ha!e launched enough missiles and "om"ers to "low the whole world off its axis or at least #ill 6:: million people. The sudden, hellish reality of a nuclear war with either +ussia or China or "oth was pro"a"ly the only thing that could ha!e sal!aged Nixon$s presidency after the Supreme Court ruled that he had to yield up the incriminating tapes that he kne" would finish him off. 4ould the action star!ed generals at the Strategic Air Command Head&uarters ha!e ignored an emergency order from their Commander in chiefG And how long would it ha!e ta#en .at 0uchanan or *eneral Haig to realize that $The 0oss( had finally flippedG Nixon spent so much time alone that no"ody else in the 4hite House would ha!e gi!en his a"sence a second thought until he failed to show up for dinner, and "y that time he could ha!e made enough phone calls to start wars all o!er the world. A four star general commandant of the -.S. Barine Corps with three wars and ?< years of fanatical de!otion to duty, honor and country in his system would hac# off his own feet and eat them rather than refuse to o"ey a direct order from the president of the -nited States e!en if he thought the president was crazy. The #ey to all military thin#ing is a concept that no"ody who e!er wore a uniform with e!en one stripe on it will e!er forget9 (Hou don$t salute the man, you salute the uniform.( Cnce you$!e learned that, you$re a soldier and soldiers don$t diso"ey orders from people they ha!e to salute. 2f Nixon$s tortured mind had "ent far enough to let him thin# he could sa!e himself "y ordering a full "ore BarineJAir"orne in!asion in Cu"a, he would not ha!e gi!en the 0oom 0oom order to some closet pacifist general who might "e inclined to delay the in!asion long enough to call Henry ,issinger for official reassurance that the president was not insane. No 4est .ointer with four stars on his hat would ta#e that #ind of ris# anyway. 0y the time word got "ac# to the 4hite House, or to ,issinger, that Nixon had gi!en the order to in!ade Cu"a, the whole Cari""ean would "e a sea of fire' Fidel Castro would "e in a su"marine on his way to +ussia, and the s#y a"o!e the Atlantic would "e strea#ed from one horizon to the other with the !apor trails of a hundred panic launched missiles. +ight. 0ut it was mainly a matter of luc# that Nixon$s mental disintegration was so o"!ious and so crippling that "y the time he came face to face with his final option, he was no longer a"le to e!en recognize it. 4hen the going got tough, the politician who worshiped toughness a"o!e all else turned into a whimpering, gin soa#ed !egeta"le. . . 0ut it is still worth wondering how long it would ha!e ta#en Haig and ,issinger to con!ince all those SAC generals out in Cmaha to disregard a 1oomsday phone call from the president of the -nited States "ecause a handful of ci!ilians in the

310 4hite House said he was crazy. Ah. . . "ut we are wandering off into wild speculation again, so let$s chop it off right here. 4e were tal#ing a"out the !ast powers of the presidency and all the treacherous currents surrounding it. . . Not to mention all the riptides, am"ushes, Audas goats, fools and ruthless, dehumanized thugs that will sooner or later ha!e to "e dealt with "y any presidential candidate who still feels strong on his feet when he comes to that magic moment for the leap from Stage Two to Stage Three. 0ut there will "e plenty of time for that later on. And plenty of other %ournalists to write out it. . . 0ut not me. The most acti!e and interesting phase of a presidential campaign is Stage Cne, which is as totally different from the Sturm und 1rang of Stage Three as a guerrilla style war among six or eight *ypsy nations is totally different from the "loody, hun#ered down trench warfare that paralyzed and destroyed half of )urope during 4orld 4ar 2. AT$8NS! Ala. DA-I## 3ladean Tribble! "ho had said she "ould marr' entertainer 8lvis -resle' on Saturda'! confirmed Sunda' that the ceremon' did not take &lace. Mrs. Tribble! a E=#'ear#old "ido" "ith four children! "as asked in a tele&hone intervie" "h' the "edding did not take &lace. She re&lied: "This is the Sabbath da' and 3 don*t talk about things like this on the 2ord*s da'." 4ell. . . that$s fair enough, 2 guess. Aimmy Carter had said that he won$t tal# a"out his foreign policy until the day he deli!ers his inaugural address. )!ery"ody has a right to their own &uir#s and personal con!ictions as long as they don$t try to lay them on me "ut %ust for the pure, meanspirited hell of it, 2 am going to call 2ladean Tri""le when the sun comes up in a"out three hours and as# her the same &uestion the A. reporter insulted her faith "y as#ing on the Sa""ath. 0y Brs. Tri""le$s own logic, 2 should get a perfectly straight answer from her on Tuesday, which according to my calendar is not a religious holiday of any #ind. . . So in %ust a few hours 2 should ha!e the answer, from 2ladean herself, to the &uestion regarding her mysterious nonmarriage to )l!is .resley. And after 2 tal# to 2ladean, 2 am going to call my old friend .at Caddell, who is Aimmy Carter$s pollster and one of the two or three main wizards in Carter$s "rain trust, and we will ha!e another one of our daily philosophical chats. . . 4hen 2 read Brs. Tri""le$s &uote to .at earlier tonight, in the course of a more or less "are #nuc#led telephone tal#, he said he didn$t #now any woman named 2ladean in Athens, Ala"ama and "esides that he didn$t see any connection "etween her and the main topic of our con!ersation tonight, which was Aimmy Carter who is always the main topic when 2 tal# to Caddell, and we$!e "een tal#ing, arguing, plotting, haggling and generally whipping on each other almost constantly, e!er since this third rate, low rent campaign circus hit the pu"lic roads a"out four months ago. That was before .at went to wor# for Aimmy, "ut long after 2$d "een cited in a"out ?? dozen %ournals all o!er the country as one of Carter$s earliest and most fer!ent supporters. )!erywhere 2 went for at least the past year, from /os Angeles to Austin, Nash!ille, 4ashington, 0oston, Chicago and ,ey 4est, 2$!e "een pu"licly hammered "y friends and strangers ali#e for saying that (2 li#e Aimmy Carter.( 2 ha!e "een %eered "y large crowds for saying this' 2 ha!e "een moc#ed in print "y li"eral pundits and other *ucci people' 2 ha!e "een called a "rain damaged gee# "y some of my "est and oldest friends' my own wife threw a #nife at me on the night of the 4isconsin primary when the midnight radio stunned us "oth with a news "ulletin from a C0S station in /os Angeles, saying that earlier announcements "y N0C and A0C regarding Bo -dall$s narrow !ictory o!er Carter in 4isconsin were not true, and that late returns from the rural districts were running so hea!ily in Carter$s fa!or that C0S was now calling him the winner. Sandy li#es Bo -dall' and so do 2, for that matter. . . 2 also li#e Aerry Aeff 4al#er, the Scofflaw ,ing of New Crleans and a lot of other people 2 don$t necessarily "elie!e should "e

311 president of the -nited States. The immense concentration of power in that office is %ust too goddamn hea!y for any"ody with good sense to turn his "ac# on. Cr her "ac#. Cr its "ac#. . . At least not as long as whate!er li!es in the 4hite House has the power to nil !acancies on the -.S. Supreme Court' "ecause any"ody with that #ind of power can use it li#e Nixon did to pac# crowd the Court of Final Appeal in this country with the same #ind of lame, !indicti!e yo yos who recently !oted to sustain the commonwealth of Dirginia$s ahtisodomy statutes. . . And any"ody who thin#s that = ? !ote against (sodomy( is some #ind of a"stract legal gi""erish that doesn$t really affect them had "etter hope they ne!er get "usted for anything the 0i"le or any local !ice s&uad cop calls an (unnatural sex act.( 0ecause (unnatural( is denned "y the laws of almost e!ery state in the -nion as anything "ut a &uic# and dutiful hump in the classic missionary position, for purposes of procreation only. Anything else is a felon' crime! and people who commit felony crimes go to &rison. 4hich won$t ma#e much difference to me. 2 too# that fatal di!e off the straight and narrow path so long ago that 2 can$t remem"er when 2 first "ecome a felon "ut 2 ha!e "een one e!er since, and it$s way too late to change now. 2n the eyes of The /aw, my whole life has "een one long and sinful felony. 2 ha!e sinned repeatedly, as often as possi"le, and %ust as soon as 2 can get away from this goddamn Cal!inist typewriter 2 am going to get right after it again. . . *od #nows, 2 hate it, "ut 2 can$t help myself after all these criminal years. /i#e 4aylon Aennings says, (The de!il made me do it the first time. The second time, 2 done it on my own.( +ight And the third time, 2 did it "ecause of "rain damage. . . And after that9 well, 2 figured that any"ody who was already doomed to a life of crime and sin might as well learn to lo!e it. Anything worth all that ris# and energy almost has to "e "eyond the reach of any #ind of redemption except the power of .ure /o!e. . . and this flash of twisted wisdom "rings us "ac#, strangely enough, to &olitics! .at Caddell, and the 678= presidential campaign. . . And, not incidentally, to the fact that any Aournal on any side of 4all Street that e!er &uoted me as saying (2 li#e Aimmy Carter( was a"solutely accurate. 2 ha!e said it many times, to many people, and 2 will #eep on saying it until Aimmy Carter gi!es me some good reason to change my mind which might happen a"out two minutes after he finishes reading this article9 0ut 2 dou"t it. 2 ha!e #nown Carter for more than two years and 2 ha!e pro"a"ly spent more pri!ate, human time with him than any other %ournalist on the $8= campaign trail. The first time 2 met him at a"out eight o$cloc# on a Saturday morning in 678; at the "ac# door of the go!ernor$s mansion in Atlanta 2 was a"out two degrees on the safe side of "erser#, ra!ing and "a""ling at Carter and his whole "emused family a"out some hostile "astard wearing a *eorgia State .olice uniform who had tried to pre!ent me from coming through the gate at the foot of the long, tree shaded dri!eway leading up to the mansion. 2 had "een up all night, in the company of serious degenerates, and when 2 rolled up to the gatehouse in the "ac# seat of a taxi 2$d hailed in downtown Atlanta, the trooper was not amused "y the sight and sound of my presence. 2 was trying to act calm "ut after a"out ?: seconds 2 realized it wasn$t wor#ing' the loo# on his face told me 2 was not getting through to the man. He stared at me, saying nothing, while 2 explained from my crouch in the "ac# seat of the ca" that 2 was late for "rea#fast with (the go!ernor and Ted ,ennedy(. . . Then he suddenly stiffened and "egan shouting at the ca"dri!er9 (4hat #ind of dum" shit are you trying to &ull! "uddyG 1on$t you #now where you areG( 0efore the ca""ie could answer, the trooper smac#ed the flat of his hand down on the hood so hard that the whole ca" rattled. (HouI Shut this engineI( Then he pointed at me9 (HouI Cut of the ca". /et$s see some identification.( He reached out for my wallet and motioned for me to follow him into the gatehouse. The ca""ie started to follow, "ut the trooper wa!ed him "ac#. (Stay right where you are, good "uddy. 2$ll get to you.( The loo# on my dri!er$s face said we were "oth going to %ail and it was my fault. (2t wasn$t m' idea to come out here,( he whined. (This guy told me he was

312 in!ited for "rea#fast with the go!ernor.( The trooper was loo#ing at the press cards in my wallet. 2 was already pouring sweat, and %ust as he loo#ed o!er at me 2 realized 2 was holding a can of "eer in my hand. (Hou always "ring your own "eer when you ha!e "rea#fast with the go!ernorG( he as#ed. 2 shrugged and dropped it in a near"y waste"as#et. (HouI( he shouted. (4hat do you thin# you$re doingG( The scene went on for another @: minutes. There were many phone calls, a lot of yelling, and finally the trooper reached some"ody in the mansion who agreed to locate Senator ,ennedy and as# if he #new (some guy name of Thompson, 2 got him down here, he$s all "eered up and wants to come up there for "rea#fast. . .( Aesus, 2 though, that$s all ,ennedy needs to hear. +ight in the middle of "rea#fast with the go!ernor of *eorgia, some ner!ous old dar#y shuffles in from the #itchen to announce that the trooper down at the gatehouse is holding some drun#ard who says he$s a friend of Senator ,ennedy$s and he wants to come in and ha!e "rea#fast. . . 4hich was, in fact, a lie. 2 had not "een in!ited for "rea#fast with the go!ernor, and up to that point 2 had done e!erything in my power to a!oid it. 0rea#fast is the only meal of the day that 2 tend to !iew with the same #ind of traditionalized re!erence that most people associate with /unch and 1inner. 2 li#e to eat "rea#fast alone, and almost ne!er "efore noon' any"ody with a terminally %angled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor e!ery @; hours, and mine is "rea#fast. 2n Hong ,ong, 1allas or at home and regardless of whether or not 2 ha!e "een to "ed "rea#fast is a personal ritual that can only "e properly o"ser!ed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always "e massi!e9 four 0loody Barys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, +angoon crepes, a half pound of either sausage, "acon or corned "eef hash with diced chilies, a Spanish omelette or eggs 0enedict a &uart of mil#, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something li#e a slice of #ey lime pie, two margaritas and six lines of the "est cocaine for dessert. . . +ight, and there should also "e two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a note"oo# for planning the next @; hours, and at least one source of good music. . . All of which should "e dealt with outside! in the warmth of a hot sun, and prefera"ly stone na#ed. 2t is not going to "e easy for those poor "astards out in San Francisco who ha!e "een waiting all day in a condition of extreme fear and anxiety for my long and finely reasoned analysis of (The Beaning of Aimmy Carter( to come roaring out of my faithful mo%o wire and across @::: miles of telephone line to understand why 2 am sitting here in a Texas motel full of hoo#ers and writing at length on The Beaning of 0rea#fast. . . 0ut li#e almost e!erything else worth understanding, the explanation for this is decepti!ely &uic# and "asic. After more than ten years of trying to deal with politics and politicians in a professional manner, 2 ha!e finally come to the harsh understanding that there is no way at all not e!en for a doctor of chemotherapy with total access to the whole spectrum of legal and illegal drugs, the physical constitution of a mule shar# and a "rain as rare and sharp and original as the Sloat diamond to function as a political %ournalist without a"andoning the whole concept of a decent "rea#fast. 2 ha!e wor#ed li#e 6@ "astards for more than a decade to "e a"le to ha!e it "oth ways, "ut the conflict is too "asic and too deeply rooted in the nature of "oth politics and "rea#fast to e!er "e reconciled. 2t is one of those !ery few *reat For#s in The +oad of /ife that cannot "e a!oided9 li#e a Aesuit priest who is also a practicing nudist with a L@:: a day smac# ha"it wanting to "e the first Na#ed .ope Eor .ope Na#ed the First, if we want to use the language of the churchF. . . Cr a !egetarian pacifist with a .;; magnum fetish who wants to run for president without gi!ing up his mem"ership in the National +ifle Association or his New Hor# City pistol permit that allows him to wear twin six guns on Meet the -ress! Face the Nation and all of his press conferences.

313 There are some com"inations that nobod' can handle9 shooting "ats on the wing with a dou"le "arreled .;6: and a head full of %imson weed is one of them, and another is the idea that it is possi"le for a freelance writer with at least four close friends named Aones to co!er a hopelessly scram"led presidential campaign "etter than any six man team of career political %ournalists on The Ne" )ork Times or the %ashington -ost and still eat a three hour "rea#fast in the sun e!ery morning. 0ut 2 had not made the final decision on that morning when 2 rolled up to the gatehouse of the go!ernor$s mansion in Atlanta to ha!e "rea#fast with Aimmy Carter and Ted ,ennedy. By reason for "eing there at that hour was simply to get my professional schedule "ac# in phase with ,ennedy$s political o"ligations for that day. He was scheduled to address a crowd of esta"lishment hea!ies who would con!ene at the -ni!ersity of *eorgia /aw School at 6:9?: in the morning to officially witness the un!eiling of a huge and prestigious oil portrait of former secretary of state 1ean +us#, and his tentati!e schedule for Saturday called for him to lea!e the go!ernor$s mansion after "rea#fast and ma#e the =: mile trip to Athens "y means of the go!ernor$s official airplane. . . So in order to hoo# up with ,ennedy and ma#e the trip with him, 2 had no choice "ut to meet him for "rea#fast at the mansion, where he had spent the pre!ious night at Carter$s in!itation. Cddly enough, 2 had also "een in!ited to spend Friday night in a "edroom at the go!ernor$s mansion. 2 had come down from 4ashington with ,ennedy on Friday afternoon, and since 2 was the only %ournalist tra!eling with him that wee#end, *o!ernor Carter had seen fit to include me when he in!ited (the ,ennedy party( to o!ernight at the mansion instead of a downtown hotel. 0ut 2 am rarely in the right frame of mind to spend the night in the house of a politician at least not if 2 can spend it anywhere else, and on the pre!ious night 2 figured 2 would "e a lot happier in a room at the +egency Hyatt House than 2 would in the *eorgia go!ernor$s mansion. 4hich may or may not ha!e "een true, "ut regardless of all that, 2 still had to "e at the mansion for "rea#fast if 2 wanted to get any wor# done that wee#end, and my wor# was to stay with Ted ,ennedy. The scene at the gate had unhinged me so thoroughly that 2 couldn$t find the door 2$d "een told to #noc# on when 2 finally got out of my ca" at the mansion. . . and "y the time 2 finally got inside 2 was in no shape at all to deal with Aimmy Carter and his whole family. 2 didn$t e!en recognize Carter when he met me at the door. All 2 #new was that a middle aged man wearing /e!i$s was ta#ing me into the dining room, where 2 insisted on sitting down for a while, until the tremors passed. Cne of the first things 2 noticed a"out Carter, after 2$d calmed down a "it, was the relaxed and confident way he handled himself with Ted ,ennedy. The contrast "etween the two was so star# that 2 am still surprised whene!er 2 hear some"ody tal#ing a"out the (eerie resem"lance( "etween Carter and Aohn F. ,ennedy. 2 ha!e ne!er noticed it, except e!ery once in a while in some carefully staged photograph and if there was e!er a time when it seems li#e any such resem"lance should ha!e "een impossi"le to miss, it was that morning in Atlanta when 2 wal#ed into the dining room and saw Aimmy Carter and Ted ,ennedy sitting a"out six feet apart at the same ta"le. ,ennedy, whose presence usually dominates any room he wal#s into, was sitting there loo#ing stiff and !aguely uncomforta"le in his dar# "lue suit and "lac# shoes. He glanced up as 2 entered and smiled faintly, then went "ac# to staring at a portrait on the wall on the other side of the room. .aul ,ir#, his executi!e wizard, was sitting next to him, wearing the same "lue suit and "lac# shoes and Aimmy ,ing, his executi!e ad!ance man, was off in a distant corner yelling into a telephone. There were a"out 6< other people in the room, most of them laughing and tal#ing, and it too# me a while to notice that no"ody was tal#ing to ,ennedy which is a !ery rare thing to see, particularly in any situation in!ol!ing other politicians or e!en politically conscious people. ,ennedy was o"!iously not in a !ery gregarious mood that morning, and 2 didn$t learn why until an hour or so later when 2 found myself in one of the Secret Ser!ice cars with ,ing, ,ir# and ,ennedy, running at top speed on the highway to Athens. The mood in the car was ugly. ,ennedy

314 was yelling at the SS dri!er for missing a turnoff that meant we$d "e late for the un!eiling. 4hen we finally got there and 2 had a chance to tal# pri!ately with Aimmy ,ing, he said Carter had waited until the last minute %ust "efore 2 got to the mansion to ad!ise ,ennedy that a sudden change in his own plans made it impossi"le for him to lend Teddy his plane for the trip to Athens. That was the reason for the tension 2 half noticed when 2 got to the mansion. ,ing had "een forced to get on the phone immediately and locate the Secret Ser!ice detail and get two cars out to the mansion immediately. 0y the time they arri!ed it was o"!ious that we would not get to Athens in time for the un!eiling of +us#$s portrait which was fine with me, "ut ,ennedy was scheduled to spea# and he was !ery unhappy. 2 refused to participate in any ceremony honoring a warmonger li#e +us#, so 2 told ,ing 2 would loo# around on the edge of the campus for a "ar, and then meet them for lunch at the cafeteria for the /aw 1ay luncheon. . . He was happy enough to see me go, "ecause in the space of three or four minutes 2 had insulted a half dozen people. There was a "eer parlor a"out ten minutes away, and 2 stayed there in relati!e peace until it was time for the luncheon. There was no way to miss the campus cafeteria. There was a curious crowd of a"out @:: students waiting to catch a glimpse of Ted ,ennedy, who was signing autographs and mo!ing slowly up the concrete steps toward the door as 2 approached. Aimmy ,ing saw me coming and waited "y the door. (4ell, you missed the un!eiling,( he said with a smile. (Hou feel "etterG( (Not much,( 2 replied. (They should ha!e run the "loodthirsty "astard up a flagpole "y his heels.( ,ing started to smile again, "ut his mouth suddenly froze and 2 loo#ed to my right %ust in time to see 1ean +us#$s swollen face a"out 6> inches away from my own. ,ing reached out to sha#e his hand. (Congratulations, sir,( he said. (4e$re all !ery proud of you.( (0alls,( 2 muttered. After +us# had gone inside, ,ing stared at me and shoo# his head sadly. (4hy can$t you gi!e the old man some peaceG( he said. (He$s harmless now. Aesus, you$ll get us in trou"le yet.( (1on$t worry,( 2 said. (He$s deaf as a roc#.( (Bay"e so,( ,ing replied. (0ut some of those people with him can hear o#ay. Cne of the women o!er there at the ceremony as#ed me who you were and 2 said you were an underco!er agent, "ut she was still pissed off a"out what you said. $Hou should ha!e Senator ,ennedy teach him some manners,$ she told me. $Not e!en a go!ernment agent should "e allowed to tal# li#e that in pu"lic.$ ( (/i#e whatG( 2 said. (That stuff a"out the "lood on his handsG( ,ing laughed. (Heah, that really %olted her. Aesus, Hunter, you gotta remem"er, these are genteel people.( He nodded solemnly. (And this is their turf. 1ean +us# is a goddamn national hero down here. 4hat are his friends supposed to thin# when the senator comes down from 4ashington to deli!er the eulogy at the un!eiling of +us#$s portrait, and he "rings some guy with him who starts as#ing people why the artist didn$t paint any "lood on the handsG( (1on$t worry,( 2 said. (Aust tell $em it$s part of my deep co!er. Hell, no"ody connects me with ,ennedy anyway. 2$!e "een careful to stay a safe distance away from you "astards. Hou thin# 2 want to "e seen at a ceremony honoring 1ean +us#G( (1on$t #id yourself,( he said as we wal#ed inside. (They #now you$re with us. Hou wouldn$t "e here if they didn$t. This is a !ery exclusi!e gathering, my "oy. 4e$re the only ones on the guest list without some #ind of ver' serious title9 they$re all either %udges or state senators or the +ight Honora"le that. . .( 2 loo#ed around the room, and indeed there was no mista#ing the nature of the crowd. This was not %ust a "unch of good ol$ "oys who all happened to "e alumni of the -ni!ersity of *eorgia /aw School' these were the honored alumni, the ran#ing 6<: or so who had earned, stolen or inherited enough distinction to "e culled from the lists and in!ited to the un!eiling of +us#$s portrait, followed "y a luncheon with Senator ,ennedy, *o!ernor Carter, Audge Crater and numerous other

315 hyper distinguished guests whose names 2 forget. . . And Aimmy ,ing was right9 this was not a natural ha"itat for any"ody wearing dirty white "as#et"all shoes, no tie and nothing except R1223N( ST1N8 to follow his name on the guest list in that space reser!ed for titles. 2f it had "een a gathering of distinguished alumni from the -ni!ersity of *eorgia Bedical School, the title space on the guest list would ha!e "een in front of the names, and 2 would ha!e fit right in. Hell, 2 could e!en ha!e %oined a few con!ersations and no"ody would ha!e gi!en a second thought to any tal# a"out ("lood on the hands.( +ight. 0ut this was law day in *eorgia, and 2 was the only 1octor in the room. . . So 2 had to "e passed off as some #ind of underco!er agent, tra!eling for un#nown reasons with Senator ,ennedy. Not e!en the Secret Ser!ice agents understand my role in the entourage. All they #new was that 2 had wal#ed off the plane from 4ashington with Teddy, and 2 had "een with them e!er since. No"ody gets introduced to a Secret Ser!ice agent' they are expected to kno" who e!ery"ody is and if they don$t #now, they act li#e they do and hope for the "est. 2t is not my wont to ta#e undue ad!antage of the Secret Ser!ice. 4e ha!e gone through some hea!y times together, as it were, and e!er since 2 wandered into a room in the 0altimore Hotel in New Hor# one night during the 678@ campaign and found three SS agents smo#ing a %oint, 2 ha!e felt pretty much at ease around them. . . So it seemed only natural, down in *eorgia, to as# one of the four agents in our detail for the #eys to the trun# of his car so 2 could loc# my leather satchel in a safe place, instead of carrying it around with me. Actually, the agent had put the "ag in the trun# on his own, rather than gi!e me the #ey. . . 0ut when 2 sat down at our ta"le in the cafeteria and saw that the only a!aila"le "e!erage was iced tea, 2 remem"ered that one of the things in my satchel was a &uart of 4ild Tur#ey, and 2 wanted it. Cn the ta"le in front of me and e!eryone else was a tall glass of iced tea that loo#ed to "e the same color as "our"on. )ach glass had a split slice of lemon on its rim9 so 2 remo!ed the lemon, poured the tea into .aul ,ir#$s water glass, and as#ed one of the agents at the next ta"le for the #ey to the trun#. He hesitated for a moment, "ut one of the law school deans or may"e Audge Crater was already tal#ing into the mi#e up there at the spea#ers$ ta"le, so the path of least distur"ance was to gi!e me the #ey, which he did. . . And 2 thought nothing of it until 2 got outside and opened the trun#. . . CazartI 2f your life e!er gets dull, chec# out the trun# of the next SS car you happen to see. Hou won$t need a #ey' they open %ust as easily as any other trun# when a six foot whipsteel is properly applied. . . 0ut open the "ugger carefull'! "ecause those gentlemen #eep a"out =7 !arieties of instant death inside. Aesus, 2 was literally staggered "y the mass of weaponry in the "ac# of that car9 there were machine guns, gas mas#s, hand grenades, cartridge "elts, tear gas canisters, ammo "oxes, "ulletproof !ests, chains, saws and pro"a"ly a lot of other things. . . 0ut all of a sudden 2 realized that two passing students had stopped right next to me on the sidewal# and 2 heard one of them say, (*od almightyI /oo# at that stuffI( So 2 &uic#ly filled my glass with 4ild Tur#ey, put the "ottle "ac# in the trun# and slammed it shut %ust li#e you$d slam any other trun#. . . and that was when 2 turned around to see Aimmy Carter coming at me with his head down, his teeth "ared and his eyes so wildly dilated that he loo#ed li#e a springtime "at. . . 4hatG No. That was later in the day, on my third or fourth trip to the trun# with the iced tea glass. 2 ha!e "een sitting here in a frozen, "ewildered stupor for <: or << minutes trying to figure out where that last image came from. By memories of that day are extremely !i!id, for the most part, and the more 2 thin# "ac# on it now, the more certain 2 am that whate!er 2 might ha!e seen coming at me in that #ind of "ent o!er, fast swooping style of the springtime "at was not *o!ernor Carter. .ro"a"ly it was a hunch"ac#ed student on his way to final exams in the school of landscaping, or

316 may"e %ust trying to wal# fast and tie his shoes at the same time. . . Cr it could ha!e "een nothing at all' there is no mention in my note"oo# a"out anything trying to snea# up on me in a high speed crouch while 2 was standing out there in the street. According to my notes, in fact, Aimmy Carter had arri!ed at the cafeteria not long after ,ennedy and if he attracted any attention from the crowd that had come to see Teddy 2 would pro"a"ly ha!e noticed it and made at least a small note to emphasize the contrast in style something li#e9 (6@9:7, Carter suddenly appears in slow mo!ing crowd "ehind T,. No autographs, no "odyguards 3 now a "lue plastic suit instead of /e!i$s. . . No recognition, no greetings, %ust a small sandy haired man loo#ing for some"ody to sha#e hands with. . .( That is the #ind of note 2 would ha!e made if 2$d noticed his arri!al at all, which 2 didn$t. 0ecause it was not until around ten o$cloc# on the night of the New Hampshire primary, almost two years later, that there was any real reason for a %ournalist to ma#e a note on the time and style of Aimmy Carter$s arri!al for any occasion at all, and especially not in a crowd that had come to ru" shoulders with "ig time hea!ies li#e Ted ,ennedy and 1ean +us#. He is not an imposing figure in any way9 and e!en now, with his face on e!ery TD screen in the country at least fi!e nights a wee#, 2$d "e tempted to "et L6:: to any"ody else$s L<:: that Aimmy Carter could wal# "y himself and in a normal noonday crowd from one end of Chicago$s huge C$Hare Airport to the other, without "eing recognized "y any"ody. . . Cr at least not "y any"ody who had ne!er met him personally, or who had not seen him anywhere except on TD. 0ecause there is nothing a"out Carter that would ma#e him any more noticea"le than anyone else you might pass in one of those long and crowded corridors in C$Hare. He could pass for a Fuller 0rush man on any street in America. . . 0ut if Aimmy Carter had decided, 6< years ago, to sign on as a "rush and gim crac# salesman for the Fuller people, he would "e president of the Fuller 0rush Company today and e!ery medicine chest in the country would "e loaded with Carter Fuller "rushes. . . And if he had gone into the heroin "usiness, e!ery respecta"le household "etween /ong 2sland and /os Angeles would ha!e at least one resident %un#ie. Ah. . . "ut that is not what we need to "e tal#ing a"out right now, is itG The only thing 2 remem"er a"out the first hour or so of that luncheon was a powerful sense of depression with the life 2 was drifting into. According to the program, we were in for a long run of speeches, remar#s, comments, etc., on matters connected with the law school. Carter and ,ennedy were the last two names on the list of spea#ers, which meant there was no hope of lea!ing early. 2 thought a"out going "ac# to the "eer parlor and watching a "ase"all game on TD, "ut ,ing warned me against it. (4e don$t #now how long this goddamn thing is gonna last,( he said, (and that$s a hell of a long wal# from here, isn$t itG( 2 #new what he was getting at. Aust as soon as the program was o!er, the SS cara!an would rush us out to the Athens ariport, where Carter$s plane was waiting to fly us "ac# to Atlanta. Another "ig dinner "an&uet was scheduled for =9?: that night, and immediately after that, a long flight "ac# to 4ashington. No"ody would miss me if 2 wanted to go to the "eer parlor, ,ing said' "ut no"ody would miss me when the time came to lea!e the airport, either. Cne of the constant nightmares of tra!eling with politicians is the need to #eep them in sight at all times. )!ery presidential campaign has its own fearful litany of horror stories a"out reporters and, occasionally, e!en a #ey staff mem"er who thought they had plenty of time to (run across the street for a &uic# "eer( instead of hanging around in the rear of some grim auditorium half listening to the drone of a long familiar speech, only to come "ac# in @: minutes to find the auditorium empty and no sign of the press "us, the candidate or any"ody who can tell him where they went. These stories are in!aria"ly set in places li#e 0utte, 0uffalo or 2cepic#, Binnesota, on a night in the middle of Barch. The temperature is always "elow zero, there is usually a raging "lizzard to #eep ca"s off the street, and %ust as the !ictim remem"ers that he has left his wallet in his o!ercoat on the press "us, his stomach erupts with a sudden attac# of ptomaine poisoning. And then, while crawling

317 around on his #nees in some ice co!ered alley and rac#ed with fits of pro%ectile !omiting, he is gra""ed "y !icious cops and whipped on the shins with a night stic#, then loc#ed in the drun# tan# of the local %ail and "uggered all night "y winos. These stories a"ound, and there is %ust enough truth in them to ma#e most campaign %ournalists so fearful of a sudden change in the schedule that they will not e!en go loo#ing for a "athroom until the pain "ecomes unendura"le and at least three relia"le people ha!e promised to fetch them "ac# to the fold at the first sign of any mo!ement that could signal an early departure. The closest 2 e!er came to getting left "ehind was during the California primary in 678@, when 2 emerged from a "athroom in the Salinas railroad depot and realized that the ca"oose car of Bc*o!ern$s (!ictory train( was a"out 6:: yards further down the trac#s than it had "een only three minutes earlier. *eorge was still standing outside the platform, wa!ing to the crowd, "ut the train was mo!ing and as 2 started my sprint through the crowd, running o!er women, children, cripples and anything else that couldn$t get out of my way, 2 thought 2 saw a "ig grin on Bc*o!ern$s face as the train "egan pic#ing up speed. . . 2 am still amazed that 2 caught up with the goddamn thing without "lowing e!ery !al!e in my heart, or e!en missing the iron ladder when 2 made my last second leap and "eing swept under the train and chopped in half "y the wheels. )!er since then 2 ha!e not "een inclined to ta#e many ris#s while tra!eling in strange territory with politicians. )!en the !ery few who might feel a "it guilty a"out lea!ing me "ehind would ha!e to do it anyway, "ecause they are all ensla!ed "y their schedules, and when it comes to a choice "etween getting to the airport on time or waiting for a %ournalist who has wandered off to see# "ooze, they will shrug and race off to the airport. This is particularly true when you tra!el with ,ennedy, who mo!es at all times with a speedy, split second precision on a schedule that no"o"dy except a perfectly organized presidential candidate would e!en try to #eep pace with. 4hen he is tra!eling with a detail of Secret Ser!ice agents, the cara!an stops for nothing and waits for no"ody. . . The SS agents assigned to ,ennedy are hypersensiti!e a"out anything that might %ac# up the ris# factor, and they mo!e on the theory that safety increases with speed. There was no need for ,ing and ,ir# to warn me that the SS detail would ha!e a collecti!e ner!ous "rea#down at the prospect of ta#ing Senator ,ennedy and the go!ernor of *eorgia through the streets of downtown Athens or any other city, for that matter to search for some notoriously criminal %ournalist who might "e in any one of the half dozen "ars and "eer parlors on the edge of the campus. So there was nothing to do except sit there in the uni!ersity cafeteria, slumped in my chair at a ta"le right next to 1ean +us#$s, and drin# one tall glass after another of straight 4ild Tur#ey until the /aw 1ay luncheon ceremonies were finished. After my third trip out to the trun#, the SS dri!er apparently decided that it was easier to %ust let me #eep the car #eys instead of causing a distur"ance e!ery 6< or @: minutes "y passing them "ac# and forth. . . 4hich made a certain #ind of fatalistic sense, "ecause 2$d already had plenty of time to do %ust a"out anything 2 wanted to with the sa!age contents of his trun#, so why start worrying nowG 4e had, after all, "een together for the "etter part of two days, and the agents were "eginning to understand that there was no need to reach for their weapons e!ery time 2 started tal#ing a"out the "lood on 1ean +us#$s hands, or how easily 2 could reach o!er and cut off his ears with my stea# #nife. Bost Secret Ser!ice agents ha!e led a sheltered life, and they tend to get edgy when they hear that #ind of tal# from a large stranger in their midst who has managed to stash an apparently endless supply of powerful whis#ey right in the middle of their trun# arsenal. That is not one of your normal, e!eryday situations in the SS life' and especially not when this drun#ard who #eeps tal#ing a"out ta#ing a stea# #nife to the head of a former secretary of state has a red flag on his file in the 4ashington SS head&uarters in addition to ha!ing the #eys to the SS car in his poc#et. Carter was already spea#ing when 2 came "ac# from my fourth or fifth trip out to the car. 2

318 had "een careful all along to #eep the slice of lemon on the rim of the glass, so it loo#ed li#e all the other iced tea glasses in the room. 0ut Aimmy ,ing was "eginning to get ner!ous a"out the smell. (*oddamnit Hunter, this whole end of the room smells li#e a distillery,( he said. (0alls,( 2 said. (That$s "lood you$re smelling.( ,ing winced and 2 thought 2 saw +us#$s head start to swing around on me, "ut apparently he thought "etter of it. For at least two hours he$d "een hearing all this ugly tal# a"out "lood coming o!er his shoulder from what he #new was (the ,ennedy ta"le( right "ehind him. 0ut why would a group of Secret Ser!ice agents and Senator ,ennedy$s personal staff "e tal#ing a"out him li#e thatG And why was this powerful stench of whis#ey hanging around his headG 4ere they all drun#G Not all "ut 2 was rapidly closing the gap and the others had "een su"%ected to the fumes for so long that 2 could tell "y the sound of their laughter that e!en the SS agents were acting a little weird. Bay"e it was a contact drun# of some #ind, acting in com"ination with the fumes and fiendish drone of the speeches. 4e were trapped in that place, and no"ody else at the ta"le li#ed it any "etter than 2 did. 2 am still not sure when 2 "egan listening to what Carter was saying, "ut at some point a"out ten minutes into his remar#s 2 noticed a mar#ed difference in the style and tone of the noise coming from the spea#ers$ ta"le and 2 found myself listening, for the first time all day. Carter had started off with a few &uiet %o#es a"out people feeling honored to pay ten or twel!e dollars a head to hear ,ennedy spea#, "ut the only way he could get people to listen to him was to toss in a free lunch along with his remar#s. The audience laughed politely a few times, "ut after he$d "een tal#ing for a"out 6< minutes 2 noticed a general uneasiness in the atmosphere of the room, and no"ody was laughing anymore. At that point we were all still under the impression that Carter$s (remar#s( would consist of a few minutes of friendly tal# a"out the law school, a "it of praise for +us#, an introduction to ,ennedy, and that would "e it. . . 0ut we were wrong, and the tension in the room #ept increasing as more and more people realized it. Dery few if any of them had supported Carter when he won the go!ernorship, and now that he was %ust a"out finished with his four year term and "arred "y law from running again, they expected him to "ow out gracefully and go "ac# to raising peanuts. 2f he had chosen that occasion to announce that he$d decided to run for president in 678=, the reaction would almost certainly ha!e "een a ripple of polite laughter, "ecause they would #now he was #idding. Carter had not "een a "ad go!ernor, "ut so whatG 4e were, after all, in *eorgia' and "esides that, the South already had one go!ernor running for president. . . 0ac# in the spring of 678; *eorge 4allace was a national power' he had rattled the hell out of that "ig cage called the 1emocratic National Committee in $8@, and when he said he planned to do it again in $8= he was ta#en !ery seriously. So 2 would pro"a"ly ha!e chuc#led along with the others if Carter had said something a"out running for president at the beginning of his (remar#s( that day, "ut 2 would not ha!e chuc#led if he$d said it at the end. . . 0ecause it was a #ing hell "astard of a speech, and "y the time it was o!er he had rung e!ery "ell in the room. No"ody seemed to #now exactly what to ma#e of it, "ut they #new it was sure as hell not what they$d come to hear. 2 ha!e heard hundreds of speeches "y all #inds of candidates and politicians usually against my will and for generally the same reasons 2 got trapped into hearing this one "ut 2 ha!e ne!er heard a sustained piece of political oratory that impressed me any more than the speech Aimmy Carter made on that Saturday afternoon in Bay 678;. 2t ran a"out ;< minutes, clim"ing through fi!e !ery distinct gear changes while the audience muttered uneasily and raised their eye"rows at each other, and one of the most remar#a"le things a"out the speech is that it is such a rare piece of oratorical artwor# that it remains !astly impressi!e, e!en if you don$t necessarily "elie!e Carter was sincere and truthful in all the things he said. Diewed purely in the context of rhetorical drama and political theater, it ran#s with *eneral 1ouglas BacArthur$s (old soldiers ne!er die( address to the Congress in 67<6 which still stands as a masterpiece of insane "ullshit, if nothing else.

319 There were, howe!er, a lot of people who "elie!ed e!ery word and sigh of BacArthur$s speech, and they wanted to ma#e him president %ust as a lot of people who are still uncertain a"out Aimmy Carter would want to ma#e him president if he could figure out some way to deli!er a contemporary !ersion of his 678; /aw 1ay speech on networ# TD. . . Cr, hell, e!en the same identical speech' a national audience might "e slightly puzzled "y some of the references to o"scure %udges, grade school teachers and "ac#woods *eorgia courthouses, "ut 2 thin# the totality of the speech would ha!e the same impact today as it did two years ago. 0ut there is not much chance of it happening. . . And that "rings up another remar#a"le aspect of the law 1ay speech9 it had !irtually no impact at all when he deli!ered it except on the people who heard it, and most of them were more stunned and puzzled "y it than impressed. They had not come there to hear lawyers denounced as running dogs of the status &uo, and there is still some &uestion in my own mind and in Carter$s too, 2 suspect a"out what he came there to say. There was no written text of the speech, no press to report it, no audience hungry to hear it, and no real reason for gi!ing it except that Aimmy Carter had a few serious things on his mind that day, and he figured it was a"out time to unload them, whether the audience li#ed it or not. . . 4hich gets to another interesting point of the speech9 although Carter himself now says, (That was pro"a"ly the "est speech 2 e!er made,( he has yet to ma#e another li#e it not e!en to the extent of lifting some of the "est images and ideas of incorporation into his current speeches and his campaign staff attached so little importance to it that Carter$s only tape recording of his /aw 1ay remar#s got lost somewhere in the files and, until a"out two months ago, the only existing tape of the speech was the one 2 made and carried around with me for two years, playing it in some extremely unli#ely situations for people who would loo# at me li#e 2 was finally o!er the hump into terminal "rain damage when 2$d say they were going to ha!e to spend the next ;< minutes listening to a political speech "y some ex go!ernor of *eorgia. 2t was not until 2 showed up in New Hampshire and Bassachusetts for the $8= primaries and started playing my tape of the /aw 1ay speech for a few friends, %ournalists and e!en some of Carter$s top staff people who$d ne!er heard it that .at Caddell noticed that almost e!ery"ody who heard the speech was as impressed "y it as 2 was. . . 0ut e!en now, after Caddell arranged to du" <: tape copies off of my copy, no"ody in Carter$s "rain trust has figured out what to do with them. 2 am not &uite sure what 2 would do with them, myself, if 2 were Carter, "ecause it is entirely possi"le that the !ery &ualities that made the /aw 1ay speech so impressi!e for me would ha!e exactly the opposite effect on Carter$s new national constituency. The !oice 2 hear on my tape is the same one all those good conser!ati!e fol# out there on the campaign trail ha!e found so appealing, "ut !ery few of them would find anything familiar in what the !oice is saying. The Aimmy Carter who has waltzed so triumphantly down the middle of the road through one 1emocratic primary after another is a cautious, conser!ati!e and !aguely ethereal 0aptist Sunday school teacher who seems to promise, a"o!e all else, a return to normalcy, a resurrection of the national self esteem, and a painless redemption from all the horrors and disillusion of 4atergate. 4ith .resident Carter$s firm hand on the helm, the ship of state will once again sail a true and steady course, all the croo#s and liars and thie!es who somehow got control of the go!ernment during the turmoil of the Sixties will "e dri!en out of the temple once and for all, and the 4hite House will "e so o!erflowing with honesty, decency, %ustice, lo!e and compassion that it might e!en glow in the dar#. 2t is a !ery alluring !ision, and no"ody understands this "etter than Aimmy Carter. The electorate feels a need to "e cleansed, reassured, and re!italized. The underdogs of yesteryear ha!e had their day, and they "lew it. The radicals and reformers of the Sixties promised peace, "ut they turned out to "e nothing "ut incompetent trou"le ma#ers. Their plans that had loo#ed so fine on paper led to chaos and disaster when hac# politicians tried to implement them. The promise of Ci!il +ights turned into the nightmare of "using. The call for law and order led straight to 4atergate. And the long struggle "etween the Haw#s and the 1o!es caused !iolence in the streets and a military

320 disaster in Dietnam. No"ody won, in the end, and when the dust finally settled, (extremists( at "oth ends of the political spectrum were thoroughly discredited. And "y the time the 678= presidential campaign got under way, the high ground was all in the middle of the road. Aimmy Carter understands this, and he has tailored his campaign image to fit the new mood almost perfectly. . . 0ut "ac# in Bay of $8; when he flew up to Athens to ma#e his (remar#s( at the /aw 1ay ceremonies, he was not as concerned with preser!ing his moderate image as he is now. He was thin#ing more a"out all the trou"le he$d had with %udges, lawyers, lo""yists and other minions of the *eorgia esta"lishment while he was go!ernor and now, with only six more months in the office, he wanted to ha!e a few words with these people. There was not much anger in his !oice when he started tal#ing. 0ut halfway through the speech it was too o"!ious for any"ody in the room to ignore. 0ut there was no way to cut him short and he #new it. 2t was the anger in his !oice that first caught my attention, 2 thin#, "ut what sent me "ac# out to the trun# to get my tape recorder instead of another drin# was the spectacle of a Southern politician telling a crowd of Southern %udges and lawyers that (2$m not &ualified to tal# to you a"out law, "ecause in addition to "eing a peanut farmer, 2$m an engineer and nuclear physicist, not a lawyer. . . 0ut 2 read a lot and 2 listen a lot. Cne of the sources for my understanding a"out the proper application of criminal %ustice and the system of e&uities is from +einhold Nie"uhr. The other source of my understanding a"out what$s right and wrong in this society is from a friend of mine, a poet named 0o" 1ylan. /istening to his records a"out $The /onesome 1eath of Hattie Carroll$ and $/i#e a +olling Stone$ and The Times They Are A Changin$,$ 2$!e learned to appreciate the dynamism of change in a modern society.( At first 2 wasn$t sure 2 was hearing him right and 2 loo#ed o!er at Aimmy ,ing. (4hat the hell did 2 %ust hearG( 2 as#ed. ,ing smiled and loo#ed at .aul ,ir#, who leaned across the ta"le and whispered, (He said his top two ad!isers are 0o" 1ylan and +einhold Nie"uhr.( 2 nodded and got up to go outside for my tape recorder. 2 could tell "y the rising anger in Carter$s !oice that we were in for an interesting ride. . . And "y the time 2 got "ac# he was whipping on the crowd a"out %udges who too# "ri"es in return for reduced prison sentences, lawyers who deli"erately cheated illiterate "lac#s, and cops who a"used people$s rights with something they called a (consent warrant.( (2 had lunch this wee# with the mem"ers of the Audicial Selection Committee and they were tal#ing a"out a $consent search warrant,$ ( he said. (2 didn$t #now what a consent search warrant was. They said, $4ell, that$s when two policemen go to a house. Cne of them goes to the front door and #noc#s on it and the other one runs around to the "ac# door and yells come in.$( The crowd got a laugh out of that one, "ut Carter was %ust warming up and for the next @: or ?: minutes his !oice was the only sound in the room. ,ennedy was sitting %ust a few feet to Carter$s left, listening carefully "ut ne!er changing the thoughtful expression on his face as Carter railed and "itched a"out a system of criminal %ustice that allows the rich and the pri!ileged to escape punishment for their crimes and sends poor people to prison "ecause they can$t afford to "ri"e the %udge. . . EAesus 0a""ling ChristI The phone is ringing again, and this time 2 #now what it is for sure. /ast time it was the /and Commissioner of Texas, threatening to ha!e my legs "ro#en "ecause of something 2 wrote a"out him. . . 0ut now it is the grim reaper' he has come for my final page and in exactly 6? minutes that goddamn mo%o wire across the room will erupt in a frenzy of "eeping and 2 will ha!e to feed it again. . . 0ut "efore 2 lea!e this filthy sweat"ox that is costing me L?7 a day 2 am going to deal with that rotten mo%o machine. 2 ha!e dreamed of smashing that fuc#er for fi!e long years, "ut. . . C#ay, o#ay, 6@ more minutes and. . . yes. . .F So this will ha!e to "e it. . . 2 would need a lot more time and space than 2 ha!e to properly descri"e either the reality or the reaction to Aimmy Carter$s /aw 1ay speech, which was and still is

321 the hea!iest and most elo&uent thing 2 ha!e e!er heard from the mouth of a politician. 2t was the !oice of an angry agrarian populist, extremely precise in its %udgments and laced with some of the most original, "rilliant and occasionally "izarre political metaphors any"ody in that room will e!er "e li#ely to hear. The final turn of the screw was another ugly example of crime and degradation in the legal profession, and this time Carter went right to the top. Nixon had %ust released his own, self ser!ing !ersion of (the 4hite House tapes,( and Carter was shoc#ed when he read the transcripts. (The Constitution charges us with a direct responsi"ility for determining what our go!ernment is and ought to "e,( he said. And then, after a long pause, he went on9 (4ell. . . 2 ha!e read parts of the em"arrassing transcripts, and 2$!e seen the proud statement of a former attorney general who protected his "oss, and now "rags of the fact that he tiptoed through a minefield and came out. . . &uote, clean, un&uote.( Another pause, and then9 (Hou #now, 2 can$t imagine some"ody li#e Thomas Aefferson tiptoeing through a minefield on the technicalities of the law, and then "ragging a"out "eing clean afterwards. . .( Forty fi!e minutes latter, on our way "ac# to Atlanta in the go!ernor$s small plane, 2 told Carter 2 wanted a transcript of his speech. (There is no transcript,( he said. 2 smiled, thin#ing he was putting me on. The speech had sounded li#e a product of fi!e or six tortured drafts. . . 0ut he showed a page and a half of scrawled notes in his legal pad and said that was all he had. (Aesus Christ,( 2 said. (That was one of the damnedest things 2$!e e!er heard. Hou mean you %ust winged it all the way throughG( He shrugged and smiled faintly. (4ell,( he said, (2 had a pretty good idea what 2 was going to say, "efore 2 came up here "ut 2 guess 2 was a little surprised at how it came out.( ,ennedy didn$t ha!e much to say a"out the speech. He said he$d (en%oyed it,( "ut he still seemed uncomforta"le and preoccupied for some reason. Carter and 2 tal#ed a"out the time he in!ited 1ylan and some of his friends out to the go!ernor$s mansion after a concert in Atlanta. (2 really en%oyed it,( he said with a "ig grin. (2t was a real honor to ha!e him !isit my home.( 2 had already decided, "y then, that 2 li#ed Aimmy Carter "ut 2 had no idea that he$d made up his mind, a few months earlier, to run for the presidency in 678=. And if he had told me his little secret that day on the plane "ac# to Atlanta, 2$m not sure 2$d ha!e ta#en him seriously. . . 0ut if he had told me and if 2 had ta#en him seriously, 2 would pro"a"ly ha!e said that he could ha!e my !ote, for no other reason except the speech 2$d %ust heard. 4hich hardly matters, "ecause Aimmy Carter didn$t mention the presidency to me that day, and 2 had other things on my mind. 2t was the first Saturday in Bay 1er"y 1ay in /ouis!ille and 2$d "een harassing Aimmy ,ing since early morning a"out getting us "ac# to Atlanta in time to watch the race on TD. According to the schedule we were due "ac# at the go!ernor$s mansion around three in the afternoon, and post time for the 1er"y was ;9?:. . . 0ut 2 ha!e learned to "e leery of politicians$ schedules' they are a"out as relia"le as campaign promises, and when 2$d mentioned to ,ennedy that 2 felt it was !ery important to get oursel!es "ac# to Atlanta in time for the 1er"y, 2 could tell "y the loo# on his face that the only thing that might cause him to go out of his way to watch the ,entuc#y 1er"y was a written guarantee from the Churchill 1owns management that 2 would "e sta#ed down on the trac# at the finish line when the horses came thundering down the stretch. 0ut Carter was definitely up for it, and he assured me that we would "e "ac# at the mansion in plenty of time for me to ma#e all the "ets 2 wanted "efore post time. (4e$ll e!en try to find a mint %ulep for you,( he said. (+osalynn has some mint in the garden, and 2 notice you already ha!e the main ingredient.( 4hen we got to the mansion 2 found a "ig TD set in one of the "asement guest rooms. The

322 mint %uleps were no pro"lem, "ut the only "et 2 could get was a L< gig with Aody .owell, Carter$s press secretary which 2 won, and then compounded the insult "y insisting that .owell pay off immediately. He had to wander around the mansion, "orrowing dollars and e!en &uarters from any"ody who would lend him money, until he could scrape up fi!e dollars. /ater that night we endured another "an&uet, and immediately afterward 2 flew "ac# to 4ashington with ,ennedy, ,ing and ,ir#. ,ennedy was still in a fun# a"out something, and 2 thought it was pro"a"ly me. . . And while it was true that 2 had not "rought any great distinction to the entourage, 2 had made enough of an effort to #now that it could ha!e "een worse, and %ust to ma#e sure he understood that or may"e for reasons of sheer per!ersity 2 waited until we were all strapped into our seats and 2 heard the stewardess as#ing Teddy if she could "ring him a drin#. He refused, as he always does in pu"lic, and %ust as the stewardess finished her spiel 2 leaned o!er the seat and said, (How a"out some heroinG( His face went stiff and for a moment 2 thought it was all o!er for me. 0ut then 2 noticed that ,ing and ,ir# were smiling. . . So 2 strangled the sloat and wal#ed "ac# to my hotel in the rain. The Last Craze- Char*e o5 the L+1eral Br+*a-e< The Shre4-ness o5 R+,har- "+8on, the $eep an- A1+-+n* Coura*e o5 Hu1ert Hu3phre0 an- All o5 H+s "e4 #oun- #r+en-s. . . 9+330 Carter at Ho3e +n Pla+ns, !ne =ear Later the Leap o5 #a+th
S.)C2A/ 0-//)T2N 0)A-BCNT, T)TAS EApr @7F Anarchist presidential candidate Hunter S. Thompson announced yesterday during opening ceremonies at the 0eaumont Annual Stoc# Auction that 1emocratic front runner Aimmy Carter was (the only candidate who e!er lied to me twice in one day.( Thompson$s harsh denunciation of Carter who was also at the auction for purposes of wrestling his own "ull came as a nasty shoc# to the crowd of cele"rities, "ull wranglers and other politicos who were gathered to participate in ceremonies honoring Texas /and Commissioner 0o" Armstrong, who followed Thompson$s attac# on Carter with an unexpected statement of his own, saying he would "e the num"er two man on a dar# horseEsF 1emo tic#et with Colorado Senator *ary Hart. Armstrong also denounced Carter for (consciously lying to me, a"out the price of his "ull.( The Carter owned animal, a two year old peanut fed 0rahman, had "een ad!ertised at a price of L@@:: "ut when the front runner showed up in 0eaumont to ride his own "ull, the price suddenly escalated to L88<:. And it was at this point that "oth Thompson and Armstrong stunned the crowd with their "ac# to "ac# assaults on Carter, long considered a personal friend of "oth men. . . Carter, who seemed shoc#ed "y the attac#s, lied to newsmen who &uestioned him a"out the reasons, saying, (2 didn$t hear what they said.(

The /aw 1ay speech is not the #ind of thing that would ha!e much appeal to the mind of a s#illed technician, and that #ind of mind is perhaps the only common denominator among the strategists, organizers and ad!isers at the staff command le!el of Carter$s campaign. Dery few of them seem to ha!e much interest in "h' Aimmy wants to "e president, or e!en in what he might do after he wins9 their %o" and their meal tic#et is to put Aimmy Carter in the 4hite House, that is all they #now and all they need to #now and so far they are doing their %o" pretty well. According to political odds ma#er 0illy the *ee#, Carter is now a solid ? @ "et to win the No!em"er election up from <: 6 less than six months ago. This is another li#ely reason why Carter$s "rain trust is not especially concerned with how to put the /aw 1ay speech to good use9 the people most li#ely to "e impressed or e!en con!erted "y it are mainly the ones who ma#e up the leftJli"eral, humanistJintellectual wing of the 1emocratic party and the national press and in the wa#e of Carter$s genuinely awesome "litz#rieg in .ennsyl!ania and Texas, destroying all of his remaining opposition in less than a wee#, it is hard to argue with the feeling among his staff command technicians that he no longer needs any con!erts from the leftJli"eral wing of the party. He got where he is without the help he repeatedly as#ed them for during most of 678< and early $8=, and now the pro"lem is theirs. The train has left the station, as it were, and any"ody who wants to catch up with it now is going to come up with the air fare. . . 0ut 2 ha!e %ust "een reminded "y a terri"le screeching on the telephone that the presses will

323 roll in a few hours and that means there is no more time at R1223N( ST1N8 than there is in the Carter campaign for wondering "h' a"out anything. 2dle speculation is a luxury reser!ed for people who are too rich, too poor or too crazy to get seriously concerned a"out anything outside their own pri!ate realities. . . and %ust as soon as 2 finish this goddamn wretched piece of gi""erish 2 am going to flee li#e a rat down a pipe into one of those categories. 2 ha!e maintained a wild and serious flirtation with all three of them for so long that the flirtation itself was "eginning to loo# li#e reality. . . 0ut 2 see it now for the madness it was from the start9 there is no way to maintain four parallel states of "eing at the same time. 2 #now from long experience that it is possi"le to "e rich, poor and crazy all at once "ut to "e rich, poor, crazy and also a functioning political %ournalist at the same time is flat out impossi"le, so the time has come to ma#e a terminal choice. . . 0ut not &uite yet. 4e still ha!e to finish this twisted saga of Dengeance and +e!elation in the shade of the *eorgia pines. . . So, what the hellG /et$s get after it. There is plenty of room at the top in this "ountiful nation of ours for a rich, poor and crazy political %ournalist who can sit down at a rented typewriter in a Texas motel with a heart full of hate and a head full of speed and 4ild Tur#ey and lash out a capsuleJnarrati!e "etween midnight and dawn that will explain the whole meaning and tell the whole tale of the 678= presidential campaign. . . Hell yesI /et$s "hi& on this thingI -ntil 2 got that phone call a few minutes ago 2 would ha!e said it was a"solutely impossi"le, "ut now 2 #now "etter. . . 2f only "ecause 2 ha!e %ust "een reminded that until 2 saw Hu"ert Humphrey (&uit the race( a few days ago 2 was telling any"ody who would listen that there was no way to cure an egg suc#ing dog. . . So now is the time to finish this rotten %o" that 2 somehow got myself into, and also to congratulate my old "uddy Hu"ert for ha!ing enough sense to ignore his ad!isers and #eep the last faint glimmer of his presidential hopes ali!e "y crouching in the weeds and praying for a "ro#ered con!ention, instead of shooting his whole wad "y entering the New Aersey primary and getting pushed off the wall and crac#ed li#e Humpty 1umpty "y Aimmy Carter$s technicians. 2 am "eginning to sense a distinctly pe%orati!e drift in this emphasis on the word (technician,( "ut it is only half intentional. There is nothing wrong with technicians, in politics or anywhere else. Any presidential campaign without a full complement of first class political technicians or with a drastic im"alance "etween technicians and ideologues will meet the same fate that doomed the Fred Harris campaign in New Hampshire and Bassachusetts. 0ut the &uestion of "alance is critical, and there is something a little scary a"out a presidential campaign run almost entirely "y technicians that can "e as successful as Carter$s. (Awesome( is the mildest word 2 can thin# of to descri"e a campaign that can ta#e an almost totally un#nown ex go!ernor of *eorgia with no national reputation, no power "ase in the 1emocratic party and not the slightest reluctance to tell 4alter Cron#ite, Aohn Chancellor and anyone else who as#s that (the most important thing in my life is Aesus Christ( and to ha!e him securely positioned, after only nine of ?@ primaries, as an almost prohi"iti!e fa!orite to win the presidential nomination of the nation$s ma%ority political party, and e!en "et to win the No!em"er election against a relati!ely popular *C. president who has managed somehow to con!ince "oth 0ig /a"or and 0ig 0usiness that he has %ust rescued the country from economic disaster. 2f the presidential election were held tomorrow 2 would not "et more than three empty "eer cans on *erald Ford$s chances of "eating Aimmy Carter in No!em"er. . . . 4hatG No, cancel that "et. The Screech on the telephone %ust informed me that Time has %ust released a poll on the day after the Texas primary saying Carter would "eat Ford "y ;>X to ?>X if the election were held now. Se!en wee#s ago, according to Time !ia The Screech, the current figures were almost exactly re!ersed. . . 2 ha!e ne!er "een much with math, "ut a &uic# shuffling of these figures seems to mean that Carter has pic#ed up @: points in se!en wee#s, and Ford has lost @:. 2f this is true, then it is definitely time to call 0illy the *ee# and get something li#e ten cases

324 of == proof Sloat Ale down on Carter, and forget those three empty "eer cans. 2n other words, the panic is on and the last sur!i!ors of the ill fated Stop Carter Bo!ement are out in the streets shedding their uniforms and stac#ing their weapons on street corners all o!er 4ashington. . . And now another phone call from C0S correspondent )d 0radley who is co!ering Carter now after starting the $8= campaign with 0irch 0ayh saying 0ayh will announce at a press conference in 4ashington tomorrow that he has decided to endorse Aimmy Carter. 4ell. . . how a"out that, ehG Ne!er let it "e said that a wharf rat can get off a sin#ing ship any faster than an >8X A1A li"eral. 0ut this is no time for cruel %o#es a"out li"erals and wharf rats. Neither species has e!er "een #nown for "lind courage or stu""orn de!otion to principle, so let the rotters go where!er they feel e!en temporarily comforta"le. . . Beanwhile, it is "eginning to loo# li#e the time has come for the rest of us to get our "usiness straight, "ecause the only man who is going to #eep Aimmy Carter out of the 4hite House now is Aimmy Carter. 4hich might happen, "ut it is a hard #ind of thing to "et on, "ecause there is no precedent in the annals of presidential politics for a situation li#e this9 with more than half the primaries still ahead of him, Carter is now running !irtually unopposed for the 1emocratic nomination, and "arring some &ueer and unli#ely de!elopment he is going to ha!e to spend the next two months in a holding action until he can go to New Hor# in Auly and pic# up the nomination. Aust as soon as 2 can get some sleep and reco!er from this grim and useless ordeal 2 will call him and find out what he plans to do with all that time. . . And if 2 were in that ner!ous position 2 thin# 2 would call a press conference and announce that 2 was off to a secret thin# tan# on the Pondo .eninsula to finalize my plans for curing all the ills of society' "ecause a lot of strange things can happen to a long shot front runner in two months of forced idleness, and a lot of idle minds are going to ha!e plenty of time for "rooding on all the things that still worry them a"out li!ing for at least the next four years with a president who prays @< times a day and reads the 0i"le in Spanish e!ery night. )!en the people who plan to !ote for Aimmy Carter if he can hang on "etween now and No!em"er are going to ha!e more time than they need to nurse any lingering dou"ts they might ha!e a"out him. 2 will pro"a"ly nurse a few dou"ts of my own "etween now and Auly, for that matter, "ut unless something happens to con!ince me that 2 should waste any more time than 2 already ha!e "rooding on the e!il potential that lur#s, in!aria"ly, in the mind of %ust a"out an'bod' whose ego has "ecome so dangerously swollen that he really wants to "e president of the -nited States, 2 don$t plan to spend much time worrying a"out the prospect of seeing Aimmy Carter in the 4hite House, There is not a hell of a lot 2 can do a"out it, for one thing' and for another, 2 ha!e spent enough time with Carter in the past two years to feel 2 ha!e a pretty good sense of his candidacy. 2 went down to .lains, *eorgia, to spend a few days with him on his own turf and to hopefully find out who Aimmy Carter really was "efore the campaign shroud came down on him and he started tal#ing li#e a candidate instead of a human "eing. Cnce a presidential aspirant gets out on the campaign trail and starts seeing !isions of himself hun#ered down "ehind that "ig des# in the C!al Cffice, the idea of sitting down in his own li!ing room and tal#ing openly with some foul mouthed, argumentati!e %ournalist carrying a tape recorder in one hand and a "ottle of 4ild Tur#ey in the other is totally out of the &uestion. 0ut it was almost a year "efore the $8= New Hampshire primary when 2 tal#ed to Carter at his home in .lains, and 2 came away from that wee#end with six hours of taped con!ersation with him on su"%ects ranging all the way from the Allman 0rothers, stoc# car racing and our strongly conflicting !iews on the use of underco!er agents in law enforcement, to nuclear su"marines, the war in Dietnam and the treachery of +ichard Nixon. 4hen 2 listened to the tapes again last wee# 2 noticed a lot of things that 2 had not paid much attention to at the time, and the most o"!ious of these was the extremely detailed precision of his answers to some of the &uestions that he is now

325 accused of "eing either una"le or unwilling to answer. There is no &uestion in my mind, after hearing him tal# on the tapes, that 2 was dealing with a candidate who had already done a massi!e amount of research on things li#e tax reform, national defense and the structure of the American political system "y the time he announced his decision to run for president. Nor is there any &uestion that there are a lot of things Aimmy Carter and 2 will ne!er agree on. 2 had warned him, "efore we sat down with the tape recorder for the first time, that although 2 appreciated his hospitality and felt surprisingly relaxed and comforta"le in his home 2 was also a %ournalist and that some of the &uestions 2 #new 2 was going to as# him might seem unfriendly or e!en downright hostile. 0ecause of this, 2 said, 2 wanted him to "e a"le to stop the tape recorder "y means of a remote pause "utton if the tal# got too hea!y. 0ut he said he would %ust as soon not ha!e to "other turning the tape on and off' which surprised me at the time, "ut now that 2 listen to the tapes 2 realize that loose tal# and "ent humor are not among Aimmy Carter$s !ices. They are definitely among mine, howe!er, and since 2 had stayed up most of the night, drin#ing and tal#ing in the li!ing room with his sons Aac# and Chip Carter and their wi!es and then "y myself in the guest room o!er the garage 2 was still feeling weird around noon, when we started tal#ing (seriously,( and the tape of that first con!ersation is li"erally sprin#led with my own twisted comments a"out (rotten fascist "astards,( (thie!ing coc#suc#ers who peddle their asses all o!er 4ashington,( and (these goddamn "rainless fools who refuse to ser!e li&uor in the Atlanta airport on Sunday.( 2t was nothing more than my normal way of tal#ing, and Carter was already familiar with it, "ut there are strange and aw#ward pauses here and there on the tape where 2 can almost hear Carter gritting his teeth and wondering whether to laugh or get angry at things 2 wasn$t e!en conscious of saying at the time, "ut which sound on the tape li#e random out"ursts of hostility or pure madness from the throat of a paranoid psychotic. Bost of the con!ersation is intensely rational, "ut e!ery once in a while it slips o!er the line and all 2 can hear is the sound of my own !oice yelling something li#e (Aesus ChristI 4hat$s that filthy smellG( 0oth Carter and his wife ha!e always "een amazingly tolerant of my "eha!ior, and on one or two occasions they ha!e had to deal with me in a noticea"ly "ent condition. 2 ha!e always "een careful not to commit any felonies right in front of them, "ut other than that 2 ha!e ne!er made much of an effort to ad%ust my "eha!ior around Aimmy Carter or anyone else in his family including his 8> year old mother, Biss /illian, who is the only mem"er of the Carter family 2 could comforta"ly endorse for the presidency, right now, with no reser!ations at all. 4hoopsI 4ell. . . we will get to that in a moment. +ight now 2 ha!e other things to deal with and. . . No, what the hellG /et$s get to it now, "ecause time is running out and so is that goddamn sloat' so now is the time to come to grips with my own (Carter Muestion.( 2t has ta#en me almost a year to reach this point, and 2 am still not sure how to cope with it. . . 0ut 2 am getting there fast, than#s mainly to all the help 2$!e "een getting from my friends in the li"eral community. 2 too# more a"use from these petulant linthead "astards during the New Hampshire and Bassachusetts primaries than 2 ha!e e!er ta#en from my friends on any political &uestion since the first days of the Free Speech Bo!ement in 0er#eley, and that was nearly 6@ years ago. . . 2 felt the same way a"out the first wild !iolent days of the FSB as 2 still feel a"out Aimmy Carter. 2n "oth cases my initial reaction was positi!e, and 2 ha!e li!ed too long on my instincts to start &uestioning them now. At least not until 2 get a good reason, and so far no"ody has "een a"le to gi!e me any good reason for %un#ing my first instincti!e reaction to Aimmy Carter, which was that 2 li#ed him. . . And if the editors of Time magazine and the friends of Hu"ert Humphrey consider that ("izarre,( fuc# them. 2 li#ed Aimmy Carter the first time 2 met him, and in the two years that ha!e passed since that 1er"y 1ay in *eorgia 2 ha!e come to #now him a hell of a lot "etter than 2 #new *eorge Bc*o!ern at this point in the $8@ campaign, and 2 still li#e Aimmy Carter. He is one of the most intelligent politicians 2$!e e!er met, and also one of the strangest. 2 ha!e ne!er felt comforta"le

326 around people who tal# a"out their feeling for Aesus, or any other deity for that matter, "ecause they are usually none too "right. . . Cr may"e (stupid( is a "etter way of saying it' "ut 2 ha!e ne!er seen much point in getting hea!y with either stupid people or Aesus frea#s, %ust as long as they don$t "other me. 2n a world as weird and cruel as this one we ha!e made for oursel!es, 2 figure any"ody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off some"ody else deser!es to "e left alone. They will not inherit the earth, "ut then neither will 2. . . And 2 ha!e learned to li!e, as it were, with the idea that 2 will ne!er find peace and happiness, either. 0ut as long as 2 #now there$s a pretty good chance 2 can get my hands on either one of them e!ery once in a while, 2 do the "est 2 can "etween high spots. And so much for all that gi""erish. The "astards are ta#ing the whole thing away from me now, and anything else 2 might ha!e wanted to say a"out Aimmy Carter will ha!e to wait for another time and place. At the moment, failing any new e!idence that would cause me to change my mind, 2 would rather see Aimmy Carter in the 4hite House than any"ody else we are li#ely to "e gi!en a chance to !ote for. And that narrows the field right down, for now, to Ford, +eagan and Humphrey. Carter is the only un#nown &uantity of the four, and that fact alone says all 2 need to #now. Admittedly, a !ote for Carter re&uires a certain leap of faith, "ut on the e!idence 2 don$t mind ta#ing it. 2 thin# he is enough of an ego maniac to "ring the same #ind of intensity to the tas# of doing the %o" in a way that will allow him to stay as happy with his own mirror in the 4hite House as he is now with his mirror in .lains. There is also the fact that 2 ha!e the /aw 1ay speech to fall "ac# on, which is a lot "etter reason to !ote for him than anything 2$!e seen or heard on the campaign trail. 2 ha!e ne!er thought the pro"lem with Carter is that he is two faced in the sense of a two headed coin. . . 0ut he is definitely a politician a"o!e all else right now, and that is the only way an'bod' gets into the 4hite House. 2f Carter has two faces, my own feeling is that they are mounted one "ehind the other, "ut "oth loo#ing in the same direction, instead of "oth ways at once, as the friends of Hu"ert Humphrey #eep saying. 2t also occurs to me now and then that many of the people who feel so strongly a"out #eeping Aimmy Carter out of the 4hite House don$t #now him at all. And a lot of the people who accuse him of lying, dissem"ling, waffling and "eing (hazy( ha!e ne!er "othered to listen !ery carefully to what he says, or to try reading "etween the lines now when Carter comes out with some maw#ish statement li#e the one he has used to end so many speeches9 (2 %ust want to see us once again with a go!ernment that is as honest and truthful and fair and idealistic and compassionate and filled with lo!e as are the American people.( The first time 2 heard him say that up in New Hampshire 2 was stunned. 2t sounded li#e he had eaten some of the acid 2$!e "een sa!ing up to offer him the first time he mentions anything to me a"out "ringing Aesus into my life. . . 0ut after 2$d heard him say the same thing fi!e or six more times, it "egan to sound li#e something 2$d heard long "efore 2$d e!er heard Aimmy Carter$s name. . . 2t too# me a while to dig it out of my memory, "ut when it finally surfaced 2 recognized the words of the late, great li"eral, Adlai Ste!enson, who once lashed it all together in one small and perfect capsule when he said (. . . in a democracy, people usually get the #ind of go!ernment they deser!e.( Rolling Stone! K@6;, Aune ?, 678=

A--ress 10 9+330 Carter on La4 $a0< n+2ers+t0 o5 Geor*+a, Athens, GA

327 BAH ;,678; Senator ,ennedy, distinguished fellow *eorgians, friends of the /aw School of *eorgia and personal friends of mine9 Sometimes e!en a distinguished %urist on the Supreme Court doesn$t #now all of the "ac#ground on acceptances of in!itations. As a matter of fact, my wife was influential in this particular acceptance, "ut my son was e!en more influential. This was really an acceptance to repair my ego. There was esta"lished in 67=7 the /.M.C. /amar Society. 2 was in!ol!ed in the esta"lishment of it, and 2 thin# a lot of it. As *o!ernor of *eorgia 2 was in!ited this year, along with two distinguished Americans, to ma#e a speech at the annual meeting which is going on now. 2 found out when the program was prepared that Senator ,ennedy was to spea# last night. They charged L6: to attend the occasion. Senator 4illiam 0roc# from Tennessee is spea#ing to the /amar Society at noon today. 2 found out that they charged L8.<: for this occasion. 2 spo#e yesterday at noon, and 2 as#ed the /amar Society officials, at the last moment, how much they were charging to come to the luncheon yesterday. They said they weren$t charging anything. 2 said, (Hou mean they don$t e!en ha!e to pay for the lunchG( They said, (No, we$re pro!iding the lunch free.( So, when my son Aac# came and said, (1addy, 2 thin# more of you than you thought 2 did' 2$m paying L8.:: for two tic#ets to the luncheon,( 2 figured that a L?.<: lunch tic#et would sal!age part of my ego and that$s really why 2$m here today. 2$m not &ualified to tal# to you a"out law, "ecause in addition to "eing a peanut farmer, 2$m an engineer and a nuclear physicist, not a lawyer. 2 was planning, really, to tal# to you more today a"out politics and the interrelationship of political affairs and law, than a"out what 2$m actually going to spea# on. 0ut after Senator ,ennedy$s delightful and !ery fine response to political &uestions during his speech, and after his analysis of the 4atergate pro"lems, 2 stopped at a room on the way, while he had his press conference, and 2 changed my speech notes. By own interest in the criminal %ustice system is !ery deep and heartfelt. Not ha!ing studied law, 2$!e had to learn the hard way. 2 read a lot and listen a lot. Cne of the sources for my understanding a"out the proper application of criminal %ustice and the system of e&uity is from reading +einhold Nie"uhr, one of his "oo#s that 0ill *unter ga!e me &uite a num"er of years ago. The other source of my understanding a"out what$s right and wrong in this society is from a friend of mine, a poet named 0o" 1ylan. After listening to his records a"out $The /onesome 1eath of Hattie Carroll( and (/i#e a +olling Stone( and (The Times, They Are a Changing,( 2$!e learned to appreciate the dynamism of change in a modern society. 2 grew up as a landowner$s son. 0ut, 2 don$t thin# 2 e!er realized the proper interrelationship "etween the landowner and those who wor#ed on a farm until 2 heard 1ylan$s record, (2 Ain$t *onna 4or# on Baggie$s Farm No Bore.( So 2 come here spea#ing to you today a"out your su"%ect with a "ase for my information founded on +einhold Nie"uhr and 0o" 1ylan. Cne of the things that Nie"uhr says is that the sad duty of the political system is to esta"lish %ustice in a sinful world. He goes on to say that there$s no way to esta"lish or maintain %ustice without law' that the laws are constantly changing to sta"ilize the social e&uili"rium of the forces and counterforces of a dynamic society, and that the law in its totality is an expression of the structure of go!ernment 4ell, as a farmer who has now "een in office for three years, 2 ha!e seen firsthand the inade&uacy of my own comprehension of what go!ernment ought to do for its people. 2$!e had a constant learning process, sometimes from lawyers, sometimes from practical experience, sometimes from failures and mista#es that ha!e "een pointed out to me after they were made. 2 had lunch this wee# with the mem"ers of the Audicial Selection Committee, and they were tal#ing a"out a consent search warrant. 2 said 2 didn$t #now what a consent search warrant was. They said, (4ell, that$s when two policemen go to a house. Cne of them goes to the front door and #noc#s

328 on it, and the other one runs around to the "ac# door and yells $come in.$ ( 2 ha!e to admit that as *o!ernor, &uite often 2 search for ways to "ring a"out my own hopes' not &uite so stringently testing the law as that, "ut with a similar moti!ation. 2 would li#e to tal# to you for a few moments a"out some of the practical aspects of "eing a go!ernor who is still deeply concerned a"out the inade&uacies of a system of which it is o"!ious that you$re so patently proud. 2 ha!e refrained completely from ma#ing any %udicial appointments on the "asis of political support or other factors, and ha!e chosen, in e!ery instance, Superior Court %udges, &uite often State %udges, Appellate Court %udges, on the "asis of merit analysis "y a highly competent, open, &ualified group of distinguished *eorgians. 2$m proud of this. 4e$!e now esta"lished in the *eorgia Constitution a &ualifications commission, which for the first time can hear complaints from a!erage citizens a"out the performance in office of %udges and can in!estigate those complaints and with the status and the force of the *eorgia Constitution "ehind them can remo!e a %udge from office or ta#e other correcti!e steps. 4e$!e now passed a Constitutional amendment, which is waiting for the citizenry to appro!e, that esta"lishes a uniform Criminal Austice Court System in this state so that the affairs of the %udiciary can "e more orderly structured, so that wor# loads can "e "alanced and so that o!er a period of time there might "e an additional factor of e&uity, which &uite often does not exist now "ecause of the wide disparity among the different courts of *eorgia. 4e passed this year a %udge sentencing "ill for noncapital cases with a re!iew procedure. 2$!e had presented to me, "y mem"ers of the .ardons and .aroles 0oard, an analysis of some of the sentences gi!en to people "y the Superior Court %udges of this state, which grie!ed me deeply and shoc#ed me as a layman. 2 "elie!e that o!er a period of time, the fact that a group of other %udges can re!iew and comment on the sentences meted out in the different portions of *eorgia will "ring some more e&uity to the system. 4e ha!e finally eliminated the unsworn statement law in *eorgia the last state to do it. This year, we analyzed in depth the structure of the drug penalties in this state. 2 "elie!e in the future there will "e a clear understanding of the seriousness of different crimes relating to drugs. 4e$!e finally "een a"le to get through the legislature a law that remo!es alcoholism or drun#enness as a criminal offense. 4hen this law goes into effect next year, 2 thin# it will create a new sense of compassion and concern and %ustice for the roughly 6<:,::: alcoholics in *eorgia, many of whom escape the conse&uences of what has "een a crime "ecause of some social or economic prominence, and will remo!e a !ery hea!y load from the criminal %ustice system. 2n our prisons, which in the past ha!e "een a disgrace to *eorgia, we$!e tried to ma#e su"stanti!e changes in the &uality of those who administer them and to put a new realm of understanding and hope and compassion into the administration of that portion of the system of %ustice. Ninety fi!e percent of those who are presently incarcerated in prisons will "e returned to "e our neigh"ors. And now the thrust of the entire program, as initiated under )llis Bac1ougall and now continued under 1r. Ault, is to try to discern in the soul of each con!icted and sentenced person redeeming features that can "e "e enhanced. 4e plan a career for that person to "e pursued while he is in prison. 2 "elie!e that the early data that we ha!e on recidi!ism rates indicates the efficacy of what we$!e done. The *02, which was formerly a matter of great concern to all those who were interested in law enforcement, has now "een su"stantially changed for the "etter. 2 would put it up now in &uality against the F02, the Secret Ser!ice or any other crime control organization in this Nation. 4ell, does that mean that e!erything is all rightG 2t doesn$t to me. 2 don$t #now exactly how to say this, "ut 2 was thin#ing %ust a few moments ago a"out some of the things that are of deep concern to me as *o!ernor. As a scientist, 2 was wor#ing constantly,

329 along with almost e!eryone who professes that dedication of life, to pro"e, pro"e e!ery day of my life for constant change for the "etter. 2t$s completely anachronistic in the ma#eup of a nuclear physicist or an engineer or scientist to "e satisfied with what we$!e got, or to rest on the laurels of past accomplishments. 2t$s the nature of the profession. As a farmer, the same moti!ation persists. )!ery farmer that 2 #now of, who is worth his salt or who$s %ust a!erage, is ahead of the experiment stations and the research agronomist in finding "etter ways, changing ways to plant, culti!ate, utilize her"icides, gather, cure, sell farm products. The competition for inno!ation is tremendous, e&ui!alent to the realm of nuclear physics e!en. 2n my opinion, it$s different in the case of lawyers. And may"e this is a circumstance that is so inherently true that it can$t "e changed. 2$m a Sunday School teacher, and 2$!e always #nown that the structure of law is founded on the Christian ethic that you shall lo!e the /ord your *od and your neigh"or as yourself a !ery high and perfect standard. 4e all #now the falli"ility of man, and the contentions in society, as descri"ed "y +einhold Nie"uhr and many others, don$t permit us to achie!e perfection. 4e do stri!e for e&uality, "ut not with a fer!ent and daily commitment. 2n general, the powerful and the influential in our society shape the laws and ha!e a great influence on the legislature or the Congress. This creates a reluctance to change "ecause the powerful and the influential ha!e car!ed out for themsel!es or ha!e inherited a pri!ileged position in society, of wealth or social prominence or higher education or opportunity for the future. Muite often, those circumstances are circum!ented at a !ery early age "ecause college students, particularly undergraduates, don$t ha!e any commitment to the preser!ation of the way things are. 0ut later, as their interrelationship with the present circumstances grows, they also "ecome committed to approaching change !ery, !ery slowly and !ery, !ery cautiously, and there$s a commitment to the status &uo. 2 remem"er when 2 was a child, 2 li!ed on a farm a"out three miles from .lains, and we didn$t ha!e electricity or running water. 4e li!ed on the railroad Sea"oard Coastline railroad. /i#e all farm "oys 2 had a flip, a sling shot. They had sta"ilized the railroad "ed with little white round roc#s, which 2 used for ammunition. 2 would go out fre&uently to the railroad and gather the most perfectly shaped roc#s of proper size. 2 always had a few in my poc#ets, and 2 had others cached away around the farm, so that they would "e con!enient if 2 ran out of my poc#et supply. Cne day 2 was lea!ing the railroad trac# with my poc#ets full of roc#s and hands full of roc#s, and my mother came out on the front porch this is not a !ery interesting story "ut it illustrates a point and she had in her hands a plate full of coo#ies that she had %ust "a#ed for me. She called me, 2 am sure with lo!e in her heart, and said, (Aimmy, 2$!e "a#ed some coo#ies for you.( 2 remem"er !ery distinctly wal#ing up to her and standing there for 6< or @: seconds, in honest dou"t a"out whether 2 should drop those roc#s which were worthless and ta#e the coo#ies that my mother had prepared for me, which "etween her and me were !ery !alua"le. Muite often, we ha!e the same inclination in our e!eryday li!es. 4e don$t recognize that change can sometimes "e !ery "eneficial, although we fear it. Anyone who li!es in the South loo#s "ac# on the last 6< to @: years with some degree of em"arrassment, including myself. To thin# a"out going "ac# to a county unit system, which deli"erately cheated for generations certain white !oters of this state, is almost inconcei!a"le. To re!ert "ac# or to forgo the one man, one !ote principle, we would now consider to "e a horri"le !iolation of the "asic principles of %ustice and e&uality and fairness and e&uity. The first speech 2 e!er made in the *eorgia Senate, representing the most conser!ati!e district in *eorgia, was concerning the a"olition of ?: &uestions that we had so proudly e!ol!ed as a su"terfuge to #eep "lac# citizens from !oting and which we used with a great deal of smir#ing and pride for decades or generations e!er since the 4ar "etween the States &uestions that no"ody could answer in this room, "ut which were applied to e!ery "lac# citizen that came to the Sumter County Courthouse or 4e"ster County Courthouse and said, (2 want to !ote.( 2 spo#e in that

330 cham"er, fearful of the news media reporting it "ac# home, "ut o!erwhelmed with a commitment to the a"olition of that artificial "arrier to the rights of an American citizen. 2 remem"er the thing that 2 used in my speech, that a "lac# pencil salesman on the outer door of the Sumter County Courthouse could ma#e a "etter %udgment a"out who ought to "e sheriff than two highly educated professors at *eorgia Southwestern College. 1r. Bartin /uther ,ing, Ar., who was perhaps despised "y many in this room "ecause he shoo# up our social structure that "enefited us, and demanded simply that "lac# citizens "e treated the same as white citizens, wasn$t greeted with appro"ation and accolades "y the *eorgia 0ar Association or the Ala"ama 0ar Association. He was greeted with horror. Still, once that change was made, a !ery simple "ut difficult change, no one in his right mind would want to go "ac# to circumstances prior to that %uncture in the de!elopment of our Nation$s society. 2 don$t want to go on and on, 2$m part of it. 0ut, the point 2 want to ma#e to you is that we still ha!e a long way to go. 2n e!ery age or e!ery year, we ha!e a tendency to "elie!e that we$!e come so far now, that there$s no way to impro!e the present system. 2$m sure when the 4right 0rothers flew at ,itty Haw#, they felt that was the ultimate in transportation. 4hen the first atomic "om" was exploded, that was the ultimate de!elopment in nuclear physics, and so forth. 4ell, we ha!en$t reached the ultimate. 0ut who$s going to search the heart and the soul of an organization li#e yours or a law school or state or nation and say, (4hat can we still do to restore e&uity and %ustice or to preser!e it or to enhance it in this societyG( Hou #now, 2$m not afraid to ma#e the change. 2 don$t ha!e anything to lose. 0ut, as a farmer 2$m not &ualified to assess the characteristics of the 76 hundred inmates in the *eorgia prisons, <:X of whom ought not to "e there. They ought to "e on pro"ation or under some other super!ision and assess what the results of pre!ious court rulings might "ring to "ear on their li!es. 2 was in the *o!ernor$s Bansion for two years, en%oying the ser!ices of a !ery fine coo#, who was a prisoner a woman. Cne day she came to me, after she got o!er her two years of timidity, and said, (*o!ernor, 2 would li#e to "orrow L@<:.:: from you.( 2 said, (2$m not sure that a lawyer would "e worth that much.( She said, (2 don$t want to hire a lawyer, 2 want to pay the %udge.( 2 thought it was a ridiculous statement for her' 2 felt that she was ignorant. 0ut 2 found out she wasn$t. She had "een sentenced "y a Superior Court %udge in the state, who still ser!es, to se!en years or L8<:. She had raised, early in her prison career, L<::. 2 didn$t lend her the money, "ut 2 had 0ill Harper, my legal aide, loo# into it. He found the circumstances were true. She was &uic#ly released under a recent court ruling that had come down in the last few years. 2 was down on the coast this wee#end. 2 was approached "y a woman who as#ed me to come "y her home. 2 went "y, and she showed me documents that indicated that her illiterate mother, who had a son in %ail, had gone to the County Sur!eyor in that region and had "orrowed L@@< to get her son out of %ail. She had a letter from the Austice of the .eace that showed that her mother had made a mar# on the "lan# sheet of paper. They paid off the L@@<, and she has the receipts to show it. Then they started a < year program trying to get "ac# the paper she signed, without success. They went to court. The lawyer that had originally ad!ised her to sign the paper showed up as the attorney for the sur!eyor. She had put up <: acres of land near the county seat as security. 4hen she got to court she found that instead of signing a security deed, that she had signed a warranty deed. That case has already "een appealed to the Supreme Court, and she lost. 4ell, 2 #now that the technicalities of the law that would permit that are pro"a"ly %ustifia"le. She didn$t ha!e a good lawyer. By heart feels and cries out that something ought to "e analyzed, not %ust a"out the structure of go!ernment, %udicial &ualification councils and %udicial appointment committees and eliminating the unsworn statement those things are important. 0ut they don$t reach the crux of the point that now we assign punishment to fit the criminal and not the crime. Hou can go in the prisons of *eorgia, and 2 don$t #now, it may "e that poor people are the

331 only ones who commit crimes, "ut 2 do #now they are the only ones who ser!e prison sentences. 4hen )llis Bac1ougall first went to +eids!ille, he found people that had "een in solitary confinement for ten years. 4e now ha!e <:: misdemeanants in the *eorgia prison system. 4ell, 2 don$t #now the theory of law, "ut there is one other point 2 want to ma#e, %ust for your own consideration. 2 thin# we$!e made great progress in the .ardons and .aroles 0oard since 2$!e "een in office and since we$!e reorganized the go!ernment. 4e ha!e fi!e !ery enlightened people there now. And on occasion they go out to the prison system to inter!iew the inmates, to decide whether or not they are worthy to "e released after they ser!e one third of their sentence. 2 thin# most %urors and most %udges feel that, when they gi!e the sentence, they #now that after a third of the sentence has gone "y, they will "e eligi"le for careful consideration. Aust thin# for a moment a"out your own son or your own father or your own daughter "eing in prison, ha!ing ser!ed se!en years of a lifetime term and "eing considered for a release. 1on$t you thin# that they ought to "e examined and that the .ardons and .aroles 0oard ought to loo# them in the eye and as# them a &uestion and, if they are turned down, ought to gi!e them some su"stanti!e reason why they are not released and what they can do to correct their defectG 2 do. 2 thin# it$s %ust as important at their time for consideration of early release as it is e!en when they are sentenced. 0ut, 2 don$t #now how to "ring a"out that change. 4e had an ethics "ill in the State /egislature this year. Half of it passed to re&uire an accounting for contri"utions during a campaign "ut the part that applied to people after the campaign failed. 4e couldn$t get through a re&uirement for re!elation of payments or gifts to officeholders after they are in office. The largest force against that ethics "ill was the lawyers. Some of you here tried to help get a consumer protection pac#age passed without success. The regulatory agencies in 4ashington are made up, not of people to regulate industries, "ut of representati!es of the industries that are regulated. 2s that fair and right and e&uita"leG 2 don$t thin# so. 2$m only going to ser!e four years as go!ernor, as you #now. 2 thin# that$s enough. 2 en%oy it, "ut 2 thin# 2$!e done all 2 can in the *o!ernor$s office. 2 see the lo""yists in the State Capitol filling the halls on occasions. *ood people, competent people, the most pleasant, persona"le, extro!erted citizens of *eorgia. Those are the characteristics that are re&uired for a lo""yist. They represent good fol#s. 0ut 2 tell you that when a lo""yist goes to represent the .eanut 4arehousemen$s Association of the Southeast, which 2 "elong to, which 2 helped to organize, they go there to represent the peanut warehouseman. They don$t go there to represent the customers of the peanut warehouseman. 4hen the State Cham"er of Commerce lo""yists go there, they go there to represent the "usinessman of *eorgia. They don$t go there to represent the customers of the "usinessman of *eorgia. 4hen your own organization is interested in some legislation there in the Capitol, they$re interested in the welfare or prerogati!es or authority of the lawyers. They are not there to represent in any sort of exclusi!e way the client of the lawyers. The American Bedical Association and its *eorgia e&ui!alent they represent the doctors, who are fine people. 0ut they certainly don$t represent the patients of a doctor. As an elected go!ernor, 2 feel that responsi"ility' "ut 2 also #now that my &ualifications are slight compared to the doctors or the lawyers or the teachers, to determine what$s "est for the client or the patient or the school child. This "others me' and 2 #now that if there was a commitment on the part of the cumulati!e group of attorneys in this State, to search with a degree of commitment and fer!ency, to eliminate many of the ine&uities that 2$!e %ust descri"ed that 2 thought of this morning, our state could "e

332 transformed in the attitude of its people toward the go!ernment. Senator ,ennedy descri"ed the malaise that exists in this Nation, and it does. 2n closing, 2$d li#e to %ust illustrate the point "y something that came to mind this morning when 2 was tal#ing to Senator ,ennedy a"out his trip to +ussia. 4hen 2 was a"out 6@ years old, 2 li#ed to read, and 2 had a school principal, named Biss Aulia Coleman, Audge Barshall #nows her. She forced me pretty much to read, read, read, classical "oo#s. She would gi!e me a gold star when 2 read ten and a sil!er star when 2 read fi!e. Cne day, she called me in and she said, (Aimmy, 2 thin# it$s time for you to read %ar and -eace.( 2 was completely relie!ed "ecause 2 thought it was a "oo# a"out cow"oys and 2ndians. 4ell, 2 went to the li"rary and chec#ed it out, and it was 6,;6< pages thic#, 2 thin#, written "y Tolstoy, as you #now, a"out Napoleon$s entry into +ussia in the 6>6@ 6>6< era. He had ne!er "een defeated and he was sure he could win, "ut he underestimated the se!erity of the +ussian winter and the peasants$ lo!e for their land. To ma#e a long story short, the next spring he retreated in defeat. The course of history was changed' it pro"a"ly affected our own li!es. The point of the "oo# is, and what Tolstoy points out in the epilogue is, that he didn$t write the "oo# a"out Napoleon or the Czar of +ussia or e!en the generals, except in a rare occasion. He wrote it a"out the students and the housewi!es and the "ar"ers and the farmers and the pri!ates in the Army. And the point of the "oo# is that the course of human e!ents, e!en the greatest historical e!ents, are not determined "y the leaders of a nation or a state, li#e presidents or go!ernors or senators. They are controlled "y the com"ined wisdom and courage and commitment and discernment and unselfishness and compassion and lo!e and idealism of the common ordinary people. 2f that was true in the case of +ussia where they had a czar or France where they had an emperor, how much more true is it in our own case where the Constitution charges us with a direct responsi"ility for determining what our go!ernment is and ought to "eG 4ell, 2$!e read parts of the em"arrassing transcripts, and 2$!e seen the proud statement of a former attorney general, who protected his "oss, and now "rags on the fact that he tiptoed through a mine field and came out (clean.( 2 can$t imagine some"ody li#e Thomas Aefferson tiptoeing through a mine field on the technicalities of the law, and then "ragging a"out "eing clean afterwards. 2 thin# our people demand more than that. 2 "elie!e that e!eryone in this room who is in a position of responsi"ility as a preser!er of the law in its purest form ought to remem"er the oath that Thomas Aefferson and others too# when they practically signed their own death warrant, writing the 1eclaration of 2ndependence to preser!e %ustice and e&uity and freedom and fairness, they pledged their li!es, their fortunes and their sacred honor. Than# you !ery much.

The Banshee S,rea3s 5or Bu55alo %eat

ReIu+e3 5or a Craze- Hea204e+*ht. . . An n5+n+she- %e3o+r on the L+5e an- $oo3 o5 !s,ar :eta A,osta, #+rst 7 Last o5 the Sa2a*e Bro4n Bu55alos. . . He Cra4le- 4+th Lepers an- La40ers, 1ut He Was Tall on H+s !4n H+n- Le*s When He Walke- at "+*ht 4+th the /+n*. . .
The following memoir "y 1r. Thompson is the painful result of a nine wee# struggle E"etween the Banagement and the authorF regarding the style, tone, length, payment, etc. "ut mainly the su"%ect matter of the National Affairs 1es#$s contri"ution to this star crossed Tenth Anni!ersary 2ssue. . . And in at least momentary fairness to the Banagement, we should note that the term (star crossed( is 1r. Thompson$s as are all other harsh %udgments he was finally compelled to su"mit. . .

333
(4e wor# in the dar#, we do what we can.( Some poet who ne!er met 4erner )rhard said that, "ut so whatG 4hat "egan as a sort of riptide commentary on (the meaning of the Sixties( soon turned into a wild and hydra headed screed on Truth, Dengeance, Aournalism and the meaning, such as it is, of Aimmy Carter. 0ut none of these things could "e made to fit in the space we had a!aila"le so we were finally forced to compromise with The 1oc and his people, who had all along fa!ored a long, dangerous and !ery costly piece titled9 (The Search for the 0rown 0uffalo.( 2t was 1r. Thompson$s idea to ha!e R1223N( ST1N8 finance this open ended search for one of his friends who disappeared under mean and mysterious circumstances in the late months of 678;, or perhaps the early months of 678<. The 0rown 0uffalo was the nom de plume of the Chicano attorney from )ast /os Angeles who gained international notoriety as the "rutal and relentless (?:: pound Samoan attorney( in Thompson$s "oo#, $Fear and /oathing in /as Degas.( The )ditors

Nobod' kno"s the "eirdness 3*ve seen 1n the trail of the bro"n buffalo C/1 0/AC, AC) 3 "alk in the night rain until the da"n of the ne" da'. < have devised the &lan! straightened out the &hiloso&h' and set u& the organi?ation. %hen 3 have the < million Aro"n Auffalos on m' side 3 "ill &resent the demands for a ne" nation to both the K.S. (overnment and the Knited Nations. . . and then 3*ll s&lit and "rite the book. 3 have no desire to be a &olitician. 3 don*t "ant to lead an'one. 3 have no &ractical ego. 3 am not ambitious. 3 merel' "ant to do "hat is right. 1nce in ever' centur' there comes a man "ho is chosen to s&eak for his &eo&le. Moses! Mao and Martin 62uther 0ing Jr.7 are e am&les. %ho*s to sa' that 3 am not such a man. 3n this da' and age the man for all seasons needs man' voices. -erha&s that is "h' the gods have sent me into Riverbank! -anama! San Francisco! Al&ine and Juare?. -erha&s that is "h' 3*ve been taught so man' trades. %ho "ill den' that 3 am uni9ue. Cscar Acosta, The Autobiogra&h' of a Aro"n Auffalo 4ell. . . not me, Cld Sport. 4here!er you are and in whate!er shape dead or ali!e or e!en both! ehG That$s one thing they can$t ta#e away from you. . . 4hich is luc#y, 2 thin#, for the rest of us9 0ecause Eand, yeah let$s face it, CscarF you were not real light on your feet in this world, and you were too goddamn hea!y for most of the "oats you %umped into. Cne of the great regrets of my life is that 2 was ne!er a"le to introduce you to my old foot"all "uddy, +ichard Nixon. The main thing he feared in this life e!en worse than Mueers and Aews and Butants was people who might run amo#' he called them (loose cannons on the dec#,( and he wanted them all put to sleep. That$s one gra!eyard we ne!er e!en chec#ed, Cscar, "ut why notG 2f your classic (doomed nigger( style of paranoia had any !alidity at all, you must understand that it was not %ust +ichard Nixon who was out to get you "ut all the people who thought li#e Nixon and all the %udges and -.S. attorneys he appointed in those weird years. 4ere there any of Nixon$s friends among all those Superior Court %udges you su"poenaed and moc#ed and humiliated when you were trying to "ust the grand %ury selection system in /.A.G How many of those 0rown 0eret ("odyguards( you called ("rothers( were deep co!er cops or informantsG 2 recall "eing seriously worried a"out that when we were wor#ing on that story a"out the #illing of Chicano %ournalist +u"en Salazar "y an /.A. County sheriff$s deputy. How many of those "om" throwing, trigger happy frea#s who slept on mattresses in your apartment were tal#ing to the sheriff on a chili hall pay phone e!ery morningG Cr may"e to the %udges who #ept %ailing you for contempt of court, when they didn$t ha!e anything elseG Heah, and so much for the (.aranoid Sixties.( 2t$s time to end this "ent seance or almost closing time, anyway "ut "efore we get "ac# to raw facts and rude lawyer$s humor, 2 want to ma#e sure that at least one record will show that 2 tried and totally failed, for at least fi!e years, to con!ince my allegedly erstwhile Samoan attorney, Cscar Peta Acosta, that there "as no such thing

334 as &aranoia: At least not in that cultural and political war zone called ()ast /.A.( in the late 67=:s and especially not for an aggressi!ely radical (Chicano /awyer( who thought he could stay up all night, ever' night, eating acid and throwing (Boloto! coc#tails( with the same people he was going to ha!e to represent in a downtown courtroom the next morning. There were times all too often, 2 felt when Cscar would show up in front of the courthouse at nine in the morning with a stench of fresh gasoline on his hands and a green crust of charred soap fla#es on the toes of his L?:: sna#es#in cow"oy "oots. He would pause outside the courtroom %ust long enough to gi!e the TD press fi!e minutes of crazed rhetoric for the )!ening News, then he would shepherd his e&ually crazed (clients( into the courtroom for their daily war circus with the Audge. 4hen you get into "ear "aiting on that le!el, paranoia is %ust another word for ignorance. . . They really are out to get you. The odds on his "eing dragged off to %ail for (contempt( were a"out fifty fifty on any gi!en day which meant he was always in danger of "eing seized and "oo#ed with a poc#et full of ("ennies( or ("lac# "eauties( at the property des#. After se!eral narrow escapes he decided that it was necessary to wor# in the Courtroom as part of a three man (defense team.( Cne of his (associates( was usually a well dressed, well mannered young Chicano whose only %o" was to carry at least 6:: milligrams of pure speed at all times and feed Cscar whene!er he signaled' the other was not so well dressed or mannered' his %o" was to stay alert and "e one step ahead of the "ailiffs when they made a mo!e on Cscar at which point he would reach out and gra" any pills, powders, shi!s or other e!idence he was handed, then sprint li#e a human "azoo#a for the nearest exit. This strategy wor#ed so well for almost two years that Cscar and his people finally got careless. They had sur!i!ed another long day in court on felony arson charges, this time, for trying to "urn down the 0iltmore Hotel during a speech "y then *o!ernor +onald +eagan and they were dri!ing "ac# home to Cscar$s head&uarters pad in the "arrio Eand may"e running sixty or sixty fi!e in a fifty m.p.h. speed zone, Cscar later admittedF when they were suddenly %ammed to a stop "y two /A.1 cruisers. (They acted li#e we$d %ust ro""ed a "an#,( said Fran#, loo#ing right down the "arrel of a shotgun. (They made us all lie face down on the street and then they searched the car, and ( Hes. That$s when they found the drugs9 twenty or thirty white pills that the police &uic#ly identified as (illegal amphetamine ta"lets, "elonging to Attorney Cscar Acosta.( The fat spic for all seasons was %ailed once again, this time on what the press called a (high speed drug "ust.( Cscar called a press conference in %ail and accused the cops of (planting( him "ut not e!en his "odyguards "elie!ed him until long after the attendant pu"licity had done them all so much damage that the whole (0rown .ower Bo!ement( was effecti!ely stalled, splintered and discredited "y the time all charges, "oth Arson and 1rugs, were either dropped or reduced to small print on the "ac# of the "lotter. 2 am not e!en sure, myself, how the cases were finally disposed of. Not long after the (high speed drug "ust,( as 2 recall, two of his friends were charged with Burder Cne for allegedly #illing a smac# dealer in the "arrio, and 2 thin# Cscar finally copped on the drug charge and pled guilty to something li#e (possession of ugly pills in a pu"lic place.( 0ut "y that time his deal had already gone down. None of the respecta"le Chicano pols in )ast /.A. had e!er li#ed him anyway, and that (high speed drug "ust( was all they needed to pu"licly denounce e!erything /eft of huevos rancheros and start calling themsel!es Bexican American again. The trial of the 0iltmore Fi!e was no longer a do or die cause for /a +aza, "ut a shameful crime that a handful of radical dope fiends had "rought down on the whole community. The mood on 4hittier 0oule!ard turned sour o!ernight, and the sight of a 0rown 0eret was suddenly as rare as a cash client for Cscar Peta Acosta the ex Chicago /awyer. The entire ex Chicano political community went as pu"lic as possi"le to ma#e sure that the rest of the city understood that they had #nown all along that this dope addict rata who had

335 somehow "een one of their most articulate and certainly their most radical, popular and politically aggressi!e spo#esman for almost two years was really %ust a self see#ing pu"licity dope frea# who couldn$t e!en run a "ar ta" at the Sil!er 1ollar Cafe, much less rally friends or a following. There was no mention in the Bexican American press a"out Acosta$s surprisingly popular campaign for sheriff of /.A. County a year earlier, which had made him a minor hero among politically hip Chicanos all o!er the city. No more of that dilly dong "ullshit on 4hittier 0oule!ard. Cscar$s drug "ust was still ali!e on the )!ening News when he was e!icted from his apartment on three days$ notice and his car was either stolen or towed away from its customary par#ing place on the street in front of his dri!eway. His offer to defend his two friends on what he later assured me were a"solutely !alid charges of first degree murder were pu"licly re%ected. Not e!en for free, they said. A dope addled clown was worse than no lawyer at all. 2t was dum" gunsel thin#ing, "ut Cscar was in no mood to offer his help more than once. So he "eat a strategic retreat to Bazatlan, which he called his (other home,( to lic# his wounds and start writing the *reat Chicano no!el. 2t was the end of an eraI The fire"all Chicano lawyer was on his way to "ecoming a half successful writer, a cult figure of sorts then a fugiti!e, a frea#, and finally either a permanently missing person or an undisco!ered corpse. Cscar$s fate is still a mystery, "ut e!ery time his case seems to "e finally closed, something happens to "ring him "ac# to life. . . And one of them %ust happened again, "ut it came in a "lizzard of chaos that caused a serious time warp in my thin#ing9 my ner!es are still too %angled for the moment to do anything "ut lay "ac# and let it "low o!er. The #lash %an Co3eth. . . )ueer "e4s 5ro3 Co,onut Gro2e. . . %ur-er, %a-ness 7 The Battle o5 B+s,a0ne Ba0. . . The $eath o5 a C+*arette Boat 7 A LDC,AAA %+sun-erstan-+n*. . . Res Ipsa LoIu+tor. . . A screech owl the size of a chow #illed two of my peacoc#s on the front porch. The county attorney called the cops on me for interfering with the wor# of a la"or crew painting yellow stripes on the 4oody Cree# +oad. The anti&ue winch powered cross"ow that Steadman sent o!er from )ngland was seized and destroyed "y sheriff$s deputies and a man named 1ra#e from Biami spent all afternoon at the Hotel Aerome, demanding my phone num"er from the "artenders "ecause he claimed to ha!e a "izarre message for me. Then Sandy came "ac# from the store with the mail and the latest issue of Ne"s"eek! the one with the photo of Caroline ,ennedy rolling Aann through the door of )laine$s on that custom "uilt, cut glass dolly from Neiman Barcus. Sandy didn$t e!en recognize him at first' she thought it was a photo of Caroline and 0ella A"zug on the campaign trail. 4e went out on the porch, where there was plenty of light, to get a "etter loo# at the photos "ut the sun made me "lind for a moment, and %ust then Tom 0enton came howling into the dri!eway on his >>: Hus&ua!arna, and when he saw that story in Ne"s"eek Eyou #now Tom, with that fine artist$s eye that he hasF, he said, (4ell 2$ll "e fuc#ed, that$s AannI And loo# at the wonderful smile on him. 4owI And loo# what he$s done to his hair. . . and those teeth. No wonder he mo!ed to New Hor#.( 0enton was ta#ing off his leathers as he tal#ed. He$d "een riding up on the logging roads in the high pastures "ehind his house, loo#ing for a rogue "ear that tore the top off his %eep and #illed his mule last wee#. (2 %ust want to hit him with this Taser, then chain him to a tree until we can go up and get him.( (*et himG( He nodded. (2t$s that grizzly pup that Noonan turned loose "efore he left town. He$s a"out a

336 year and a half old "y now, and he$s starting to act crazy.( (Fuc# the Taser,( 2 said. (2t$s not good "eyond fifteen feet. 4e$ll need the B 87, with CS grenades, then drag him down with a %eep.( (No,( he said. (2 want to get the "ugger in a !an, then dri!e him into town and "ac# the !an right up to the side door of that restaurant where all the lawyers eat lunch. They$ll lo!e him.( (4onderful,( 2 said. (Shoot him right into that pri!ate dining room where they ha!e those 0ar Association luncheons feed him a whole "uc#et full of acid and raw meat, then ta#e him into town for the meeting.( 0enton started to laugh, then stopped and reached into one of his poc#ets and handed me a small en!elope. (Spea#ing of lawyers,( he said, (2 almost forgot there$s a guy from Biami in town who says he has a message for you, from Cscar.( 2 flinched and stepped "ac#. (4hatG( 2 said. (4hoG( (Heah,( 0enton said. (Cscar Acosta, the 0rown 0uffalo.( He shoo# his head. (This guy has a !ery ver' strange story. 2t$s so strange that 2 wasn$t e!en sure 2 should come out here and tell you.( (2 #now all those stories,( 2 said. (Hell 2 wrote most of them and "esides, Cscar$s dead.( Tom opened two more "eers and handed me one. (Not according to this guy 1ra#e,( he said &uietly. (He says Cscar almost got #illed a"out two months ago in Florida. They too# a midnight ride out to 0imini in 1ra#e$s "oat, and on the way "ac# they got am"ushed at sea and a friend of Cscar$s got #illed and 1ra#e$s L;>,::: Cigarette "oat was a total wrec#' he says it was so full of "ullet holes that they almost sun# in midocean.( (0ullshit,( 2 said. (That$s impossi"le.( He shrugged. (4ell, that$s what Solheim said. 0ut he tal#ed to 1ra#e for a long time last night and he says the guy is a"solutely positi!e. He e!en had a photo.( 2 suddenly remem"ered the en!elope 2$d "een holding. (/et$s see what this is,( 2 said, tearing off the end. 2nside was a paper"ac# "oo# co!er, folded lengthwise the co!er of Cscar$s Autobiogra&h' of a Aro"n Auffalo! with a picture of the author on the front and a message scrawled on the "lan# side. (1ear Thompson,( it said. (.lease call me as soon as you can. Dery urgent. Acosta might "e in "ad trou"le. H)ATI Not much time. Call me in K?<? Hotel Aerome. Than#s. 1ra#e.( (Aesus,( 2 muttered. (4hy the hell does he want to tal# to me." (He$s loo#ing for Cscar,( 0enton replied. (And so is the Coast *uard and the 1)A and the F02 and half the cops in Biami.( (So whatG( 2 said. (He$s "een dead for two years.( Tom shoo# his head. (No, 1ra#e says he$s still wor#ing in and out of Florida, running a lot of white powder.( (2 dou"t it,( 2 said. (4ell 1ra#e doesn$t,( he replied, (and he$s a"out to turn him o!er, unless Cscar pays for his "oat. He wants forty grand and he says he #nows Cscar has the money.( (0alls,( 2 said. (4e should ha!e this "astard loc#ed up for "lac#mail.( He shrugged again. (Hang on. Hou ha!en$t heard the rest of it. 1ra#e$s tal#ing a"out murder! not drugs.( (BurderG( (Heah. 1ra#e says the Coast *uard came up with three "odies after that am"ush, and two of them didn$t ha!e heads. Cscar ran that Cigarette "oat right o!er the top of a 0oston 4haler with at least two guys in it.( 2 stared at him for a moment, then went o!er to the couch and sat down. (Aesus ChristI( 2 said. (/et$s go "ac# and run the whole story again. 2 must ha!e missed something.( )ou are better lost than found. C/)B)NT +C02NSCN

337 4hich was true. The story 2 got from 0enton was from Bi#e Solheim, who got it in spades from a total stranger who said his name was 1ra#e and who showed up in Aspen one afternoon, loo#ing for me "ecause he thought 2 could put him in touch with Cscar Acosta a (dead man( who somehow showed up at 1ra#e$s home in Coconut *ro!e one night last summer and offered L<,::: in cash for a midnight ride out to 0imini and "ac# in 1ra#e$s new L;>,::: ocean racer with no &uestions as#ed. 2t was not the #ind of "usiness proposition that a !eteran dope smuggler li#e 1ra#e would ha!e "een li#ely to misunderstand. There are only two possi"le reasons for e!en o"ning a thirty fi!e foot long "ullet shaped fi"erglass hull with t"o ?8: horsepower engines on the "ac#9 Cne is to win races in the open sea at speeds up to 7:.<<< miles an hour Ethe current world record, set "y the (4orld Champion Cigarette +acing Team( in 678=F and the other has to do with the !irtually priceless peace of mind that comes with doing "usiness in a "oat that will outrun anything the -.S. Coast *uard can put in the water. So there was no need for 1ra#e to as# "h' these two cash hea!y Bexicans needed his "oat, or e!en why one of them came a"oard with a -zi su"machine gun. He had made this run "efore, and e!en on moonless nights he felt he #new e!ery "ump in the water, e!en at sixty miles an hour. . . 0ut he was not ready for what happened on the way "ac# from 0imini this time9 They were almost home, slowing down to half speed or less a"out a mile off the south tip of ,ey 0iscayne, when he was suddenly "linded "y spotlights coming into his face from the front and "oth sides and the whole night erupted with gunfire. The Bexican with the -zi was dead on his feet "efore 1ra#e e!en heard the first shots' the -zi "ounced into the water and the Bexican sat down in the coc#pit with at least ten "ig holes in his chest. 1ra#e felt his "oat shuddering in the water as the hull started coming apart in the crossfire. (4e$re surroundedI( he screamed. (They$re #illing usI( Then he fell down and tried to hide himself under the dead man %ust as Cscar got his hands on "oth the wheel and the throttle at the same time. The "ig speed"oat lunged forward with a roar and the next thing 1ra#e felt was an air"orne %olt as his "oat ran straight o!er the top of a twenty foot 0oston 4haler. . . and suddenly there was no more shooting as he felt the "oat mo!ing toward Biami at sixty miles an hour with the coc#pit six inches deep in "lood colored water and Cscar screaming in Spanish as they started coming up, too fast, on the lights of 1inner ,ey. 1ra#e stood up and too# the wheel. The "oat felt li#e it was coming apart in his hands as he aimed for a clump of trees on the dar# end of the marina. 0y the time he felt the %olt of a sand"ar under his feet, Cscar was already going o!er the side with the small suitcase they had pic#ed up in 0imini, and that was the last time 1ra#e saw him. The "oat stayed miraculously afloat long enough for him to hump the dead man and dump his L;>,::: wrec# a"out a half mile down the "each in a place where he could dri!e it up under some "ranches and watch it sin# out of sight in fi!e feet of dar# water. 1ra#e co!ered the hul# as well as he could, then slogged out to 0iscayne 0oule!ard and hitchhi#ed "ac# to Coconut *ro!e where he spent the next forty eight hours loc#ed in his "edroom and trem"ling with a fear worse than anything he$d e!er felt in his life. This wild and puzzling story out of Coconut *ro!e was only the latest of a dozen or so (0rown 0uffalo sightings( in the past two years. )!ery"ody who #new him as e!en a casual friend has heard stories a"out Cscar$s (secret life( and his high speed criminal ad!entures all o!er the world. )!er since his alleged deathJdisappearance in 678?, $8; or e!en 678<, he$s turned up all o!er the world selling guns in Addis A"a"a, "uying orphans in Cam"odia, smo#ing weed with Henry ,issinger in Acapulco, hanging around the airport "ar in /ima with two or three o!erstuffed .an Am flight "ags on "oth shoulders or hunched impatiently on the steering wheel of a sil!er ;<: Bercedes in the (Nothing to 1eclare( lane on the Bexican side of -.S. Customs chec#point "etween San 1iego and Ti%uana.

338 There are not many gypsies on file at the Bissing .ersons 0ureau and if Cscar was not &uite the classic gypsy, in his own eyes or mine, it was only "ecause he was ne!er a"le to cut that high tension cord that #ept him fore!er attached to his childhood home and hatchery. 0y the time he was twenty years old, Cscar was wor#ing o!ertime eight days a wee# at learning to li!e and e!en thin# li#e a gypsy, "ut he ne!er &uite %umped the gap. Although 3 "as born in 8l -aso! Te as! 3 am actuall' a small to"n kid. A hick from the sticks! a Me ican bo' from the other side of the tracks. 3 gre" u& in Riverbank! /alifornia: -ost 1ffice Ao GHG: &o&ulation GJFJ. 3t*s the onl' to"n in the entire state "hose essential numbers remained unchanged. The sign that "elcomes 'ou as 'ou round the curve coming in from Modesto sa's TH) C2TH CF ACT2CN. %e lived in a t"o#room shack "ithout a floor. %e had to &um& our "ater and use kerosene if "e "anted to read at night. Aut "e never "ent hungr'. M' old man al"a's bought the &into beans and the "hite flour for the tortillas in one#hundred#&ound sacks "hich m' mother used to make dresses! sheets and curtains. %e had t"o acres of land "hich "e &lanted ever' 'ear "ith corn! tomatoes and 'ello" chiles for the hot sauce. 8ven before m' father "oke us! m' old ma "as bus' at "ork making the tortillas at five a.m. "hile he cho&&ed the logs "e*d hauled u& from the river on the "eekends. Riverbank is divided into three &arts! and in m' corner of the "orld there "ere onl' three kinds of &eo&le: Me icans! 1kies and Americans. /atholics! $ol' Rollers and -rotestants. -each &ickers! canner' "orkers and clerks. %e lived on the %est Side! "ithin smelling distance of the "orld*s largest tomato &aste canner'. The %est Side is still enclosed b' the Santa Fe Railroad tracks to the east! the Modesto# 1akdale $igh"a' to the north and the irrigation canal to the south. %ithin that concentration onl' Me icans "ere safe from the neighborhood dogs! "ho res&onded onl' to S&anish commands. 8 ce&t for Aob %hitt and 8mitt Aro"n! both friends of mine "ho could cuss in better S&anish than 3! 3 never sa" a "hite &erson "alking the dirt road of our neighborhood. Cscar Acosta, The Autobiogra&h' of a Aro"n Auffalo, 678@ The La4n o5 #+re an- Another I,ep+,k 5or R+,har- "+8on 5or !l- T+3es. Sake. . . Slo4 #a-eout 5or Bro4n Po4er 7 a Salute to Craz0 E-. . . Po+son #at Goes to %azatlanK L+1el La40ers Go to the %attresses. . . #ear o5 the Plast+, #ork 7 a T4+ste- Co3pro3+se. . . Cscar Peta Acosta despite any claims to the contrary was a dangerous thug who li!ed e!ery day of his life as a stal#ing monument to the notion that a man with a greed for the Truth should expect no mercy and gi!e none. . . . . . and that was the difference "etween Cscar and a lot of the merciless gee#s he li#ed to tell strangers he admired9 class acts li#e 0enito Bussolini and Fatty Ar"uc#le. 4hen the great scorer comes to write against Cscar$s name, one of the first few lines in the /edger will note that he usually lac#ed the courage of his consistently monstrous con!ictions. There was more mercy, madness, dignity and generosity in that o!erweight, o!erwor#ed and always o!erindulged "rown cannon"all of a "ody than most of us will meet in any human pac#age e!en three times Cscar$s size for the rest of our li!es which are all running noticea"ly leaner on the high side, since that rotten fat spic disappeared. He was a drug addled "rute and a genuinely fiendish ad!ersary in court or on the street "ut it was none of these things that finally pressured him into death or a disappearance so finely plotted that it amounts to the same thing. 4hat finally crac#ed the 0rown 0uffalo was the "ridge he refused to "uild "etween the self

339 ser!ing elegance of his instincts and the self destructi!e carni!al of his reality. He was a 0aptist missionary at a leper colony in .anama "efore he was a lawyer in Ca#land and )ast /.A., or a radical chic author in San Francisco and 0e!erly Hills. . . 0ut whene!er things got tense or when he had to wor# close to the "one, he was always a missionary. And that was the go!erning instinct that ruined him for anything else. He was a preacher in the courtroom, a preacher at the typewriter and a flat out awesome preacher when he cran#ed his head full of acid. That$s /S1 @<, fol#s a certified (dangerous drug( that is no longer fashiona"le, due to reasons of extreme and unnatural hea!iness. The C2A was right a"out acid9 Some of their "est and "rightest operati!es went o!er the side in the name of Top Secret research on a drug that was finally a"andoned as a far too dangerous and unmanagea"le thing to "e used as a pu"lic weapon. Not e!en the sacred minnoc# of (national security( could %ustify the hazards of playing with a thing too small to "e seen and too "ig to control. The professional spoo# mentality was far more comforta"le with things li#e ner!e gas and neutron "om"s. 0ut not the 0rown 0uffalo he ate /S1 @< with a relish that "ordered on worship. 4hen his "rain felt "ogged down in the mundane nuts and "olts horrors of the /aw or some dead end manuscript, he would simply ta#e off in his hotrod Bustang for a wee# on the road and a few days of what he called (wal#ing with the ,ing.( Cscar used acid li#e other lawyers use Dalium a distinctly unprofessional and occasionally nasty ha"it that shoc#ed e!en the most li"eral of his colleagues and fre&uently panic#ed his clients. 2 was with him one night in /.A., when he decided that the only way to meaningfully communicate with a Audge who$d "een leaning on him in the courtroom was to dri!e out to the man$s home in Santa Bonica and set his whole front lawn on fire after soa#ing it down with ten gallons of gasoline. . . and then, instead of fleeing into the night li#e some common lunatic !andal, Cscar stood in the street and howled through the flames at a face peering out from a shattered upstairs window, deli!ering one of his 0illy Sunday style sermons on morality and %ustice. The nut of his flame enraged text, as 2 recall, was this mind "ending chun# of eternal damnation from /u#e 669;= a direct &uote from Aesus Christ9 (And he said, 4oe unto you also, ye lawyers, for ye lade men with "urdens grie!ous to "e "orne, and ye yoursel!es touch not the "urdens with one of your fingers.( The /awn of Fire was Cscar$s answer to the ,u ,lux ,lan$s "urning cross, and he deri!ed the same demonic satisfaction from doing it. (1id you see his faceG( he shouted as we screeched off at top speed toward Hollywood. (That corrupt old foolI 2 kno" he recognized me "ut he$ll ne!er admit itI No officer of the court would set a Audge$s front yard on fire the whole system would "rea# down if lawyers could get away with crazy shit li#e this.( 2 agreed. 2t is not my wont to disagree with e!en a criminally insane attorney on &uestions of "asic law. 0ut in truth it ne!er occurred to me that Cscar was either insane or a criminal, gi!en the generally fascist, Nixonian context of those angry years. 2n an era when the Dice .resident of the -nited States held court in 4ashington to accept payoffs from his former !assals in the form of "ig wads of one hundred dollar "ills and when the .resident himself routinely held secretly tape recorded meetings with his top aides in the C!al Cffice to plot illegal wiretaps, political "urglaries and other gross felonies in the name of a (silent ma%ority,( it was hard to feel anything more than a flash of high, ner!ous humor at the sight of some acid "ent lawyer setting fire to a Audge$s front yard at four o$cloc# in the morning. 2 might e!en "e tempted to %ustify a thing li#e that "ut of course it "ould be "rong. . . And my attorney was Not a Croo# and to the "est of my #nowledge, his mother was %ust as much (a saint( as +ichard Nixon$s. 2ndeed. And now as an almost perfect tri"ute to e!ery icepic# e!er wielded in the name of Austice 2 want to enter into the permanent record, at this point, as a strange "ut unchallenged fact

340 that Cscar P. Acosta was ne!er dis"arred from the practice of law in the state of California and ex .resident +ichard Nixon "as. There are some things, apparently, that not e!en lawyers will tolerate' and in a naturally un%ust world where the image of (Austice( is honored for "eing "lind, e!en a "lind pig will find an acorn once in a while. Cr may"e not "ecause Cscar was e!entually hurt far worse "y professional ostracism than Nixon was hurt "y dis"arment. The *reat 0anshee screamed for them "oth at almost the same time for entirely different reasons, "ut with ominously similar results. )xcept that +ichard Nixon got rich from his crimes, and Cscar Acosta got #illed. The wheels of %ustice grind small and &ueer in this life and if they seem occasionally un"alanced or e!en stupid and capricious in their grinding, my own midnight guess is that they were pro"a"ly fixed from the start. And any Audge who can safely slide into full pension retirement without ha!ing to loo# "ac# on anything worse in the way of criminal !engeance than a few scorched lawns is a man who got off easy. There is, after all, considera"le wor# and ris# and e!en a certain art to the torching of a half acre lawn without also destroying the house or exploding e!ery car in the dri!eway. 2t would "e a lot easier to simply ma#e a funeral pyre of the whole place and lea!e the lawn for dilettantes. That$s how Cscar !iewed arson anything worth doing is worth doing well and 2$d watched enough of his fiery wor# to #now he was right. 2f he was a ,ing Hell .yromaniac, he was also a gut politician and occasionally a !ery s#illed artist in the style and tone of his torchings. /i#e most lawyers with an 2M higher than sixty, Cscar learned one definition of Austice in /aw school, and a !ery different one in the courtroom. He got his degree at some night school on .ost Street in San Francisco, while wor#ing as a copy "oy for the Hearst 8 aminer. And for a while he was !ery proud to "e a lawyer for the same reasons he$d felt proud to "e a missionary and lead clarinet man in the leper colony "and. 0ut "y the time 2 first met him in the summer of 67=8, he was long past what he called his (puppy lo!e trip with The /aw.( 2t had gone the same way of his earlier missionary zeal, and after one year of casewor# at an )ast Ca#land (po!erty law center( he was ready to dump Holmes and 0randeis for Huey Newton and a 0lac# .anther style of dealing with the laws and courts of America. 4hen he came "ooming into a "ar called 1aisy 1uc# in Aspen and announced that he was the trou"le we$d all "een waiting for, he was definitely into the politics of confrontation and on all fronts9 in the "ars or the courts or e!en the streets, if necessary. Cscar was not into serious street fighting, "ut he was hell on wheels in a "ar "rawl. Any com"ination of a @<: pound Bexican and /S1 @< is a potentially terminal menace for anything it can reach "ut when the alleged Bexican is in fact a profoundly angry Chicano lawyer with no fear at all of anything that wal#s on less than three legs and a de facto suicidal con!iction that he "ill die at the age of thirty three %ust li#e Aesus Christ you ha!e a serious piece of wor# on your hands. Specially if the "astard is alread' thirty three and a half years old with a head full of Sandoz acid, a loaded .?<8 Bagnum in his "elt, a hatchet wielding Chicano "odyguard on his el"ow at all times, and a disconcerting ha"it of pro%ectile !omiting geysers of pure red "lood off the front porch e!ery thirty or forty minutes, or whene!er his malignant ulcer can$t handle any more raw te&uila. This was the 0rown 0uffalo in the full crazed flower of his prime a man, indeed, for all seasons. And it was somewhere in the middle of his thirty third year, in fact, when he came out to Colorado with his faithful "odyguard, Fran# to rest for a while after his grueling campaign for Sheriff of /os Angeles County, which he lost "y a million or so !otes. 0ut in defeat, Cscar had managed to create an instant political "ase for himself in the !ast Chicano "arrio of )ast /os Angeles where e!en the most conser!ati!e of the old line (Bexican Americans( were suddenly calling themsel!es (Chicanos( and getting their first taste of tear gas at (/a +aza( demonstrations,

341 which Cscar was &uic#ly learning to use as a fire and "rimstone forum to feature himself as the main spo#esman for a mushrooming (0rown .ower( mo!ement that the /A.1 called more dangerous than the 0lac# .anthers. 4hich was pro"a"ly true, at the time "ut in retrospect it sounds a "it different than it did "ac# in 67=7 when the sheriff was sending out fifteen or twenty helicopter sorties a night to scan the rooftops and "ac#yards of the "arrio with huge sweeping searchlights that dro!e Cscar and his people into fits of "lind rage e!ery time they got nailed in a pool of "lazing white light with a %oint in one hand and a machete in the other. 0ut that is another and !ery long story and since 2$!e already written it once E(Strange +um"lings in Aztlan,( +S>6F and came close to getting my throat slit in the process, 2 thin# we$ll %ust ease off and pass on it for right now. The sad tale of Cscar$s fall from grace in the "arrio is still rife with "ad "lood and ugly paranoia. He was too stunned to fight "ac# in the time honored style of a professional politician. He was also "ro#e, di!orced, depressed and so deep in pu"lic disgrace in the wa#e of his (high speed drug "ust( that not e!en %un#ies would ha!e him for an attorney. 2n a word, he and his dream of (one million "rown "uffalos( were finished in )ast /.A. . . and e!erywhere else where it counted, for that matter, so Cscar (too# off( once again, and once again with a head full of acid. 0ut. . . Pea,o,ks Can.t L+2e at Th+s Alt+tu-e. . . "e4 Ho3e 5or E11 T+-e, #alse $a4n +n Aztlan an- a Cha+n o5 Bull %a**ots on the "e,k o5 the #at Sp+, 5ro3 R+2er1ank. . . %a0 Lee,hes Cra4l on h+s Soul unt+l the R+2ers #lo4 p 5ro3 the Sea an- the Grass Gro4s $o4n +nto Hell. . . Be4are o5 @AA(Poun- Sa3oan Attorne0s Bear+n* G+5ts o5 LS$(&E Follo" not truth too near the heels! lest it dash out th' teeth. *eorge Her"ert, Jacula -rudentum 4ell. . . it is not an easy thing to sit here and #eep a straight face while e!en considering the notion that there is any connection at all "etween Cscar$s sorry fate and his lifelong de!otion to defending the truth at all costs. There are a lot of people still wandering around, especially in places li#e San Francisco and )ast /.A., who would li#e nothing "etter than to dash out Cscar$s teeth with a "all peen hammer for all the weird and costly lies he laid on them at one point or another in his frenzied assaults on the way to his place in the sun. He ne!er denied he was a lying pig who would use any means to %ustify his "etter end. )!en his friends felt the sting. Het there were times when he too# himself as seriously as any other "ush league Bao or Boses, and in moments li#e these he was capa"le of rare insights and a nai!e sort of grace in his dealings with people that often touched on no"ility. At its "est, the 0rown 0uffalo shuffle was a match for Buhammad Ali$s. After 2$d #nown him for only three days he made me a solemn gift of a crude wooden idol that 2 am still not sure he didn$t occasionally worship in secret when not in the presence of the dreaded (white ass ga"ancos.( 2n a paragraph near the end of his auto"iography, he descri"es that strangely touching transfer far "etter than 2 can. (2 opened my "eat up suitcase and too# out my wooden idol. 2 had him wrapped in a "right red and yellow cloth. A San 0ias 2ndian had gi!en him to me when 2 left .anama. 2 called him )"" Tide. He was made of hard mahogany. An eighteen inch god without eyes, without a mouth and without a sexual organ. .erhaps the sculptor had the same hang up a"out drawing the "ody from the waist down as 2$d had in Biss +ollins$ fourth grade class. )"" Tide was my oldest possession. A string of small, yellowed wild pig$s fangs hung from its nec#.(

342 )"" Tide still hangs on a nail %ust a"o!e my li!ing room window. 2 can see him from where 2 sit now, scrawling these goddamn final desperate lines "efore my head can explode li#e a "all of magnesium tossed into a "uc#et of water. 2 ha!e ne!er "een sure exactly what #ind of luc# )"" Tide was "ringing down on me, o!er the years "ut 2$!e ne!er ta#en the little "astard down or e!en thought a"out it, so he must "e paying his way. He is perched %ust in front of the peacoc# perch outside, and right now there are two high "lue reptilian heads peering o!er his narrow wooden shoulders. 1oes any"ody out there "elie!e thatG NoG 4ell. . . peacoc#s can$t li!e at this altitude anyway, li#e 1o"erman pinschers, sea sna#es and gun toting Chicano missionaries with "ad acid "reath. %h' does a hearse horse snicker! hauling a la"'er a"a'. Carl Sand"urg Things were not going well in San Francisco or /.A. at that grim point in Cscar$s time, either. To him, it must ha!e seemed li#e open season on e!ery 0rown 0uffalo west of the Continental 1i!ide. The only place he felt safe was down south on the warm foreign soil of the old country. 0ut when he fled "ac# to Bazatlan this time, it was not %ust to rest "ut to "rood and to plot what would "e his final crazed leap for the great s#yhoo#. 2t would also turn out to "e an act of such monumental per!ersity not e!en that gentle presence of )"" Tide could change my sudden and sa!age decision that the Treacherous "astard should ha!e his nuts ripped off with a plastic for# and then fed li#e "ig meat grapes to my peacoc#s. The mo!e he made this time was straight out of Ae#yll and Hyde the 0rown 0uffalo suddenly transmogrified into the form of a ra"id hyena. And the "astard compounded his madness "y hiding out in the low rent "owels of Bazatlan li#e some half mad leper gone o!er the "rin# after yet another de"ilitating attac# of string warts and Herpes Simplex lesions. . . This ugly moment came %ust as my second "oo#, Fear and 2oathing in 2as 5egas! was only a wee# or so away from going to press. 4e were in the countdown stage and there is no way for any"ody who hasn$t "een there to understand the tension of ha!ing a new "oo# almost on the presses, "ut not &uite there. The only thing that stood "etween me and pu"lication was a last minute assault on the !ery essence of the story "y the pu"lishers$ li"el lawyers. The "oo# was malignant from start to finish, they said, with grie!ous li"els that were totally indefensi"le. No pu"lisher in his right mind would ris# the nightmare of doomed litigation that a "oo# li#e this was certain to drag us all into. 4hich was true, on one le!el, "ut on another it seemed li#e a harmless %o#e "ecause almost e!ery one of the most de!astating li"els they cited in!ol!ed my old "uddy, C. P. Acosta' a fellow author, prominent /os Angeles attorney and an officer of many courts. Specifically they ad!ised9 4e ha!e read the a"o!e manuscript as re&uested. Cur principal legal o"%ection is to the description of the author$s attorney as using and offering for sale dangerous drugs as well as indulging in other criminal acts while under the influence of such drugs. Although this attorney is not named, he is identified with some detail. Conse&uently, this material should "e deleted as li"elous. 2n addition, we ha!e the following specific comments9 .age ?9 The author$s attorney$s

343 attempt to "rea# and enter and threats EsicF to "om" a salesman$s residence is li"elous and should "e deleted. .age ;9 This page suggests that the author$s attorney was dri!ing at an excessi!e speed while drun# all of which is li"elous and should "e deleted. .age =9 The incident in which the author$s attorney ad!ised the author to dri!e at top speed is li"elous and should "e deleted. The same applies to the attorney$s "eing party to a fraud at the hotel. .age ?69 The statement that the author$s attorney will "e dis"arred is li"elous and should "e deleted. .age ;:9 The incident in which the author and his attorney impersonated police officers is li"elous and should "e deleted. .age ;69 The reference to the attorney$s S "eing a (%un#ie( and shooting people is li"elous and should "e deleted unless it may "e pro!en true. .age ;>9 The incident in which the author$s attorney offers heroin for sale is li"elous and should "e deleted. 4e do not ad!ise to allow any material in this manuscript noted a"o!e as li"elous to remain "ased upon expectancy of pro!ing that$ll is true "y the author$s testimony. 2nasmuch as the author admits "eing under the influence of illegal drugs at most if not all times, proof of truth would "e extremely difficult through him.
S 1eleted at the insistence of R1223N( ST1N8$S attorney.

(0alls,( 2 told them. (4e$ll %ust ha!e Cscar sign a release. He$s no more concerned a"out this $li"el$ "ullshit than 2 am. (And "esides, truth is an a"solute defense against li"el, anyway. . . Aesus, you don$t understand what #ind of a monster we$re dealing with. Hou should read the parts 2 left out. . .( 0ut the li"el wizards were not impressed especially since we were heaping all this li"elous a"use on a fellow attorney. -nless we got a signed release from Cscar, the "oo# would not go to press. C#ay, 2 said. 0ut let$s do it &uic#. He$s down in Bazatlan now. Send the goddamn thing "y air express and he$ll sign it and ship it right "ac#. 3 think "e are in Rats Alle' "here the dead men lost their bones! T. S. )liot, The %aste 2and 2ndeed. So they sent the release off at once. . . and Cscar refused to sign it "ut not for any reason a New Hor# li"el lawyer could possi"ly understand. He was, as 2$d said, not concerned at all "y the li"els. Cf course they were all true, he said when 2 finally reached him "y telephone at his room in the Hotel Synaloa. The only thing that "othered him "othered him !ery "adly was the fact that 2$d repeatedly descri"ed him as a ?:: pound Samoan. (4hat #ind of Aournalist are youG( he screamed at me. (1on$t you ha!e any respect for the truthG 2 can sin# that whole pu"lishing house for defaming me! trying to pass me off as one of those waterhead South Sea mongrels.( The li"el lawyers were stunned into paranoid silence. (4as it either some #ind of arcane legal tric#,( they wondered, (or was this dope addled frea# really crazy enough to insist on ha!ing himself formally identified for all time, with one of the most depra!ed and degenerate figures in American literatureG( Should his angry threats and demands concei!a"ly "e ta#en seriouslyG 4as it possi"le that a well #nown practicing attorney might not only freely admit to all these heinous crimes, "ut insist that e!ery foul detail "e documented as the a"solute truthG (4hy notG( Cscar answered. And the only way he$d sign the release, he added, was in exchange for a firm guarantee from the lawyers that "oth his name and a suita"le photograph of himself "e prominently displayed on the "oo#$s dust co!er.

344 They had ne!er had to cope with a thing li#e this a presuma"ly sane attorney who flatly refused to release any other !ersion of his clearly criminal "eha!ior, except the a"ysmal na#ed truth. The concession he was willing to ma#e had to do with his identity throughout the entire "oo# as a (?:: pound Samoan.( 0ut he could grit his teeth and tolerate that, he said, only "ecause he understood that there was no way to ma#e that many changes at that stage of the deadline without tearing up half the "oo#. 2n exchange, howe!er, he wanted a formal letter guaranteeing that he would "e properly identified on the "oo# %ac#et The lawyers would ha!e no part of it. There was no precedent anywhere in the law for a "izarre situation li#e this. . . "ut as the deadline pressures mounted and Cscar refused to "end, it "ecame more and more o"!ious that the only choice except compromise was to scuttle the "oo# entirely. . . and if that happened, 2 warned them, 2 had enough plastic for#s to mutilate e!ery li"el lawyer in New Hor#. That seemed to settle the issue in fa!or of a last minute$ compromise, and Fear and 2oathing in 2as 5egas was finally sent to the printer with Cscar clearly identified on the "ac# as the certified li!ing model for the monstrous (?:: pound Samoan attorney( who would soon "e a far more pu"lic figure than any of us would ha!e guessed at the time. Alcohol! $ashish! -russic Acid! Str'chnine are "eak dilutions. The surest &oison is time. )B)+SCN, Societ' and Solitude The li"el lawyers ha!e ne!er understood what Cscar had in mind and, at the time, 2 don$t understand it myself one of the dar#er s#ills in!ol!ed in the #ind of %ournalism 2 normally get in!ol!ed with has to do with a"ility to write the Truth a"out (criminals( without getting them "usted and, in the eyes of the law, an' person committing a crime is criminal9 whether it$s a Hell$s Angel laying an oil slic# on a freeway exit to send a pursuing motorcycle cop crashing o!er the high side, a presidential candidate smo#ing a %oint in his hotel room, or a good friend who happens to "e a lawyer, an arsonist and a serious drug a"user. The line "etween writing truth and pro!iding e!idence is !ery, !ery thin "ut for a %ournalist wor#ing constantly among highly paranoid criminals, it is also the line "etween trust and suspicion. And that is the difference "etween ha!ing free access to the truth and "eing treated li#e a spy. There is no such thing as (forgi!eness( on that le!el' one fuc# up will send you straight "ac# to sportswriting if you$re luc#y. 2n Cscar$s case, my only reason for descri"ing him in the "oo# as a ?:: pound Samoan instead of a @<: pound Chicano lawyer was to protect him from the wrath of the /.A. cops and the whole California legal esta"lishment he was constantly at war with. 2t would not ser!e either one of our interests, 2 felt, for Cscar to get "usted or dis"arred "ecause of something 2 wrote a"out him. 2 had my reputation to protect. The li"el lawyers understood that much' what worried them was that 2 hadn$t protected (my attorney( well enough to protect also the "oo# pu"lisher from a li"el suit %ust in case my attorney was as crazy as he appeared to "e in the manuscript they$d %ust !etoed. . . or may"e he was crazy li#e a fox, they hinted' he was, after all an attorne' who$d presuma"ly wor#ed %ust as hard and for %ust as many long years as the' had to earn his license to steal and it was inconcei!a"le to them that one of their own #ind, as it were, would gi!e all that up on what appeared to "e a whim. No, they said, it must "e a trap' not e!en a (0rown .ower( lawyer could afford to laugh at the ris# of almost certain dis"arment. 2ndeed. And they were at least half right which is not a "ad a!erage for lawyers "ecause Cscar P. Acosta, Chicano lawyer, !ery definitely could not afford the shitrain of suicidal pu"licity that he was doing e!erything possi"le to "ring down on himself. There are a lot of nice ways to "eha!e li#e a criminal "ut hiring a camera to ha!e yourself photographed doing it in the road is

345 not one of them. 2t would ha!e ta#en a reputation as formida"le as Bel!in 0elli$s to sur!i!e the #ind of grossly illegal "eha!ior that Cscar was effecti!ely admitting "y signing that li"el release. He might as well ha!e "urned his lawyer$s license on the steps of the Superior Court "uilding in downtown /.A. That is what the 2!y /eague li"el lawyers in New Hor# could not accept. They kne" what that license was worth at least to them' it a!eraged out to a"out L6<: an hour e!en for a "orderline psychotic, as long as he had the credentials. And Cscar had them not "ecause his father and grandfather had gone to Hale or Har!ard /aw' he$d paid his dues at night school, the only Chicano in his class, and his record in the courtroom was "etter than that of most of his colleagues who called him a disgrace to their !enal profession. 4hich may ha!e "een true, for whate!er it$s worth. . . "ut what none of us #new at the time of the *reat Badness that came so close to ma#ing Fear and 2oathing in 2as 5egas incura"ly unfit for pu"lication was that we were no longer dealing with C.P. Acosta, Attorney at /aw "ut with Peta, the ,ing of 0rown 0uffalos. Last Tra+n 5or the Top o5 the %ounta+n, Last Leap 5or the Great Sk0hook. . . GooR+--an,e to Ba- Ru11+sh. . . He Was *l0 7 V+,+ous an- He Sol- L+ttle Ba1+es to San-( "+**ers. . . %utant Ru3ors on the We+r- Grape2+ne, W+l- Ghosts on the B+3+n+ Run, L+*hts In #at C+t0. . . "o En- to the Stor0 an- "o Gra2e 5or the Bro4n Bu55alo 2n retrospect it is hard to #now exactly when Cscar decided to &uit the /aw %ust as finally as he$d once &uit "eing a 0aptist missionary "ut it was o"!iously a lot earlier than e!en his few close friends realized, until long after he$d already made the mo!e in his mind, to a new and higher place. The crazy attorney whose (suicidal "eha!ior( so "affled the N.H. li"el lawyers was only the locustli#e shell of a thirty six year old neo prophet who was already long o!erdue for his gig at the top of the Bountain. There was no more time to "e wasted in the company of lepers and lawyers. The hour had finally struc# for the fat spic from +i!er"an# to start acting li#e that one man in e!ery century (chosen to spea# for his people.( None of this terminal madness was easy to see at the time not e!en for me, and 2 #new him as well as anyone. . . 0ut not well enough, apparently, to understand the almost desperate sense of failure and loss that he felt when he was suddenly confronted with the star# possi"ility that he had ne!er reall' "een chosen to spea# for any"ody, except may"e himself and e!en that was "eginning to loo# li#e a halfway impossi"le tas#, in the short time he felt he had left. 2 had ne!er ta#en his "urning "ush trip !ery seriously and 2 still ha!e moments of dou"t a"out how seriously he too# it himself. . . They are !ery long moments, sometimes' and as a matter of fact 2 thin# 2 feel one coming on right now. . . 4e should ha!e castrated that "rain damaged thiefI That shysterI That "lasphemous frea#I He was ugly and greasy and he still owes me thousands of dollarsI The truth was not in him, goddamnitI He was put on this earth for no reason at all except to shit in e!ery nest he could con his way into "ut only after ro""ing them first, and selling the "a"ies to sand niggers. 2f that treacherous fist fuc#er e!er comes "ac# to life, he$ll wish we$d had the good sense to nail him up on a frozen telephone pole for his thirty third "irthday present. 1C NCT CCB) 0AC, CSCA+I 4here!er you are stay thereI There$s no room for you here anymore. Not after all this maudlin gi""erish 2$!e written a"out you. . . And "esides, we ha!e 4erner )rhard now. So 0-++C4 1))., you "astard, and ta#e all that poison fat with youI CazartI And how$s that for a left handed whipsongG Ne!ermind. There is no more time for &uestions or answers either, for that matter. And 2

346 was ne!er much good at this #ind of thing, anyway. The first thing "e do! let*s kill all the la"'ers. 42//2AB SHA,)S.)A+), 0ing $enr' 53 4ell. . . so much for whipsongs. No"ody laughed when 0ig 0ill sat down to play. He was not into filigree when it came to dealing with lawyers. And neither am 2, at this point. That last out"urst was pro"a"ly unnecessary, "ut what the hellG /et them drin# 1rano if they can$t ta#e a %o#e. 2$m tired of wallowing around in this goddamn thing. 4hat "egan as a &uic# and stylish epitaph for my allegedly erstwhile ?:: pound Samoan attorney has long since gone out of control. Not e!en Cscar would ha!e wanted an o"ituary with no end, at least not until he was legally dead, and that will ta#e four more years. -ntil then and pro"a"ly for many years afterward the 4eird *rape!ine will not wither for lac# of "ulletins, warnings and other twisted rumors of the latest 0rown 0uffalo sightings. He will "e seen at least once in Calcutta, "uying nine year old girls out of cages on the 4hite Sla!e Bar#et. . . and also in Houston, tending "ar at a roadhouse on South Bain that was once the 0lue Fox. . . or perhaps once again on the midnight run to 0imini' standing tall on his own hind legs in the coc#pit of a fifty foot "lac# Cigarette "oat with a sil!er -zi in one hand and a magnum of smac# in the other, always running ninety miles an hour with no lights and howling Cld Testament gi""erish at the top of his "leeding lungs. . . 2t might e!en come to pass that he will suddenly appear on my porch in 4oody Cree# on some moonless night when the peacoc#s are screeching with lust. . . Bay"e so, and that is one ghost who will always "e welcome in this house, e!en with a head full of acid and a chain of "ull maggots around his nec#. Cscar was one of *od$s own prototypes a high powered mutant of some #ind who was ne!er e!en considered for mass production. He was too weird to li!e and too rare to die and as far as 2$m concerned, that$s %ust a"out all that needs to "e said a"out him right now. 2 was tempted for a while to call that poor "astard 1ra#e, down in Coconut *ro!e, to chec# a little deeper into that sa!age tale a"out Cscar and the 0attle of 0iscayne 0ay the one that ended with at least one murder and the total destruction of 1ra#e$s L;>,::: Cigarette "oat "ut 2 %ust don$t thin# 2 need it right now. . . No"ody needs it, in fact "ut then no"ody really needed Cscar Peta Acosta either. Cr R1223N( ST1N8. Cr Aimmy Carter or the Hinden"erg. . . or e!en the Sloat 1iamond. AesusI 2s there no respect in this world for the perfectly useless deadG Apparently not. . . and Cscar "as a lawyer, howe!er reluctant he might ha!e "een at the end to admit it. He had a lawyer$s cynical !iew of the Truth which he felt was not nearly as important to other people as it was to him' and he was ne!er more sa!age and dangerous than when he felt he was "eing lied to. He was ne!er much interested in the conce&t of truth' he had no time for what he called (dum" Anglo a"stracts.( /ondemn*d to drudge! the meanest of the mean and furbish falsehoods for a maga?ine. /C+1 0H+CN The truth, to Cscar, was a tool and e!en a weapon that he was con!inced he could not do without if only "ecause any"ody who had more of it than he did would sooner or later try to "eat on him with it. Truth was .ower as tangi"le to Cscar as a fistful of L6:: "ills or an ounce of pure /S1 @<. His formula for sur!i!al in a world full of rich *a"aucho fascists was a #ind of circle that "egan at the top with the idea that truth would "ring him power, which would "uy freedom to

347 cran# his head full of acid so he could properly wal# with the ,ing, which would naturally put him e!en closer to more and finer truths. . . indeed, the full circle. Cscar "elie!ed it, and that was what finally croa#ed him. 2 tried to warn the greedy "astard, "ut he was too paranoid to pay any attention. . . 0ecause he was actually a stupid, !icious &uac# with no morals at all and the soul of a hammerhead shar#. 4e are "etter off without him. Sooner or later he would ha!e had to "e put to sleep anyway. . . So the world is a "etter place, now that he$s at least out of sight, if not certifia"ly dead. He will not "e missed except perhaps in Fat City, where e!ery light in the town went dim when we heard that he$d finally cashed his chec#. 1ne o"es res&ect to the living: To the ,ead one o"es onl' the truth. DC/TA2+) Rolling Stone! ;=BE! 1ecem"er 6<, 6788

The Hoo-lu3 C+r,us an- the Statutor0 Rape o5 Bass Lake

Man! "hen 'ou "ere fifteen or si teen 'ears old did 'ou ever think 'ou*d end u& as a $ell*s Angel. $o" did 3 get scre"ed u& "ith 'ou gu's an'"a'.. . . /hrist! 3 got out of the Arm' and came back to Richmond! started ridin a bike around! "earin m' chinos and clean s&orts shirts! even a crash helmet. . . And then < met 'ou gu's. 3 started gettin grubbier and grubbier! dirtier and dirtier! 3 couldn*t believe it. . . Then 3 lost m' 4ob! started s&endin all m' time either goin on a run or gettin read' for one ## /hrist! < still can*t believe it. Fat 1., a +ichmond Hell$s Angel %hadda'ou mean b' that "ord "right". The onl' thing "e*re concerned about is "hat*s right for us. %e got our o"n definition of "right." A Hell$s Angel sun# in philosophy According to Frenchy, the run would ta#e off at eight A.B. from the )l Ado"e, a ta!ern on )ast Fourteenth Street in Ca#land. E-ntil the autumn of 67=< the )l A"ode was the unofficial head&uarters of the Ca#land chapter and a focal point for all Hell$s Angels aciti!ity in northern California "ut in Ccto"er it was demolished to ma#e way for a par#ing lot, and the Angels mo!ed "ac# to the Sinners Clu".F )arly weather forecasts said the whole state would "e "lazing hot that day, "ut dawn in San Francisco was typically foggy. 2 o!erslept, and in the rush to get mo!ing 2 forgot my camera. There was no time for "rea#fast "ut 2 ate a peanut "utter sandwich while loading the car. . . sleeping "ag and "eer cooler in "ac#, tape recorder in front, and under the dri!er$s seat an unloaded /uger. 2 #ept the clip in my poc#et, thin#ing it might "e useful if things got out of hand. .ress cards are nice things to ha!e, "ut in riot situations a pistol is the "est #ind of safe conduct pass. 0y the time 2 left my apartment it was almost eight, and somewhere on the fog shrouded 0ay 0ridge "etween San Francisco and Ca#land, 2 heard the first radio "ulletin9 The Sierra community of 0ass /a#e is "racing this morning for a reported in!asion of the

348 notorious Hell$s Angels motorcycle gang. Hea!ily armed police and sheriff$s deputies are stationed on all roads leading to 0ass /a#e. Badera County sheriff, Barlin Houng, reports helicopters and other emergency forces standing "y. Neigh"oring law enforcement agencies, including the ,ern County sheriff$s Canine .atrol, ha!e "een alerted and are ready to mo!e. +ecent reports say the Hell$s Angels are massing in Ca#land and San 0ernardino. Stay tuned for further details. Among those who made a point of staying tuned that morning were se!eral thousand unarmed taxpayers en route to spend the holiday in the !icinity of 0ass /a#e and Hosemite. They had %ust got under way, most of them still irrita"le and sleepy from last minute pac#ing and hurrying the children through "rea#fast. . . when their car radios crac#led a warning that they were headed right into the !ortex of what might soon "e a com"at zone. They had read a"out /aconia and other Hell$s Angels out"ursts, "ut in print the menace had always seemed distant terrifying, to "e sure, and real in its way, "ut with none of that sour stomach fright that comes with the realization that this time it$s 'ou. Tomorrow$s newspapers won$t "e tal#ing a"out people "eing "eaten and terrorized three thousand miles away, "ut right exactly where you and your family are planning to spend the wee#end. The "ridge was crowded with !acationers getting an early start. 2 was running late "y twenty or thirty minutes, and when 2 got to the toll plaza at the Ca#land end of the "ridge 2 as#ed the gate#eeper if any Hell$s Angels had passed through "efore me. (The dirty sonsa"itches are right o!er there,( he said with a wa!e of his hand. 2 didn$t #now what he was tal#ing a"out until some two hundred yards past the gate, when 2 suddenly passed a large cluster of people and motorcycles grouped around a gray pic#up truc# with a swasti#a painted on the side. They seemed to materialize out of the fog, and the sight was ha!ing a "ad effect on traffic. There are se!enteen east"ound toll gates on the "ridge, and traffic coming out of them is funneled into only three exits, with e!eryone scram"ling for position in a short, high speed run "etween the toll plaza and the traffic di!iders a"out a half mile away. This stretch is hazardous on a clear afternoon, "ut in the fog of a holiday morning and with a 1read Spectacle suddenly looming "eside the road the scram"le was worse than usual. Horns sounded all around me as cars swer!ed and slowed down' heads snapped to the right' it was the same #ind of traffic disruption that occurs near a serious accident, and many a dri!er went off on the wrong ramp that morning after staring too long at the monster rally that if he$d "een listening to his radio he$d "een warned a"out %ust moments "efore. And now here it was, in the stin#ing, tattooed flesh. . . the Benace. 2 was close enough to recognize the *ypsy Ao#ers, a"out twenty of them, milling around the truc# while they waited for late running stragglers. They were paying no attention to the traffic "ut their appearance alone was enough to gi!e anyone pause. )xcept for the colors, they loo#ed exactly li#e any "and of Hell$s Angels9 long hair, "eards, "lac# slee!eless !ests. . . and the ine!ita"le low slung motorcycles, many with sleeping "ags lashed to the handle"ars and girls sitting lazily on the little pillion seats. The outlaws are !ery comforta"le with their inaccessi"ility. 2t sa!es them a lot of trou"le with "ill collectors, re!enge see#ers and routine police harassment. They are as insulated from society as they want to "e, "ut they ha!e no trou"le locating each other. 4hen Sonny flies down to /os Angeles, Ctto meets him at the airport. 4hen Terry goes to Fresno, he &uic#ly locates the chapter president, +ay who exists in some #ind of mysterious lim"o and can only "e found "y means of a secret phone num"er, which changes constantly. The Ca#land Angels find it con!enient to use 0argerSs num"er, chec#ing now and then for messages. Some use !arious saloons where they are well #nown. An Angel who wants to "e reached will ma#e an appointment either to meet somewhere or to "e at a certain phone at a designated time. Cne night 2 tried to arrange a contact with a young Angel named +odger, a one time disc

349 %oc#ey. 2t pro!ed to "e impossi"le. He had no idea where he might "e from one day to the next. (They don$t call me +odger the /odger for nothing,( he said. (2 %ust ma#e it where!er 2 can. 2t$s all the same. Cnce you start worrying a"out it, you get hung up and that$s the end, man, you$re finished.( 2f he$d "een #illed that night he$d ha!e left no footprints in life, no e!idence and no personal effects "ut his "i#e which the others would ha!e raffled off immediately. Hell$s Angels don$t find it necessary to lea!e wills, and their deaths don$t re&uire much paperwor#. . . A dri!er$s license expires, a police record goes into the dead file, a motorcycle changes hands and usually a few (personal cards( will "e ta#en out of wallets and dropped into waste"as#ets. 0ecause of their gypsy style of life, their networ# has to "e functional. A lost message can lead to serious trou"le. An Angel who might ha!e fled will "e arrested' a freshly stolen "i#e will ne!er reach the "uyer' a pound of mari%uana might miss a crucial connection' or at the !ery least, a whole chapter will ne!er get word of a run or a "ig party. The destination of a run is #ept secret as long as possi"le hopefully, to #eep the cops guessing. The chapter presidents will figure it out "y long distance telephone, then each will tell his people the night "efore the run, either at a meeting or "y putting the word with a handful of "artenders, waitresses and plugged in chic#s who are #nown contacts. The system is highly efficient, "ut it has ne!er "een lea#proof, and "y 67== the Angels had decided that the only hope was to #eep the destination a secret until the run was actually under way. 0arger tried it once, "ut the police were a"le to trac# the outlaws "y radioing ahead from one point to another. +adio trac#ing is only a de!ice to gi!e the cops an edge, a sense of confidence and control. 4hich it does, as long as no lapses occur. . . "ut it is safe to predict that on one of these crowded holidays a con!oy of Angels is going to disappear li#e a "lip shooting off the edge of a radar screen. All it will ta#e is one of those rare gigs the outlaws are fore!er see#ing9 a ranch or "ig farm with a friendly owner, a piece of rural turf "eyond the reach of the fuzz, where they can all get drun# and na#ed and fall on each other li#e goats in the rut, until they all pass out from exhaustion. 2t would "e worth "uying a police radio, %ust to hear the panic9 "(rou& of eight' 4ust &assed through Sacramento! going north on K.S. Fift'! no violence! thought to be headed for 2ake Tahoe area. . .( Fift' miles north! in -lacerville! the &olice chief gives his men a &e& talk and de&lo's them "ith shotguns on both sides of the high"a'! south of the cit' limits. T"o hours later the' are still "aiting and the dis&atcher in Sacramento rela's an im&atient demand for a re&ort on -lacerville*s handling of the crisis. The chief nervousl' re&orts no contact and asks if his restless troo&s can go home and en4o' the holida'. The dis&atcher! sitting in the radio room at $igh"a' -atrol head9uarters in Sacramento! sa's to sit tight "hile he checks around. . . and moments later his voice s9ua"ks out of the s&eaker: "Sch"ein+ )ou lie+ 5ere are de'." ",on*t call me no s"ine!" sa's the -lacerville chief. "The' never got here." The dis&atcher checks all over northern /alifornia! "ith no result. -olice cars scream u& and do"n the high"a's! checking ever' bar. Nothing. 8ight' of the state*s most vicious hoodlums are roaming around drunk some"here bet"een Sacramento and Reno! hungr' for ra&e and &illage. 3t "ill be another embarrassment for /alifornia la" enforcement. . . to sim&l' lose the buggers! a "hole convo'! right out on a main high"a'. . . heads "ill surel' roll. A' no"! the outla"s are far u& a &rivate road! having left the high"a' at a sign sa'ing: 1%2 FARM! N1 53S3T1RS. The' are be'ond the reach of the la" unless the o"ner com&lains. Mean"hile! another grou& of fift' disa&&ears in the same vicinit'. -olice search &arties stalk the high"a'! checking for traces of s&ittle! grime and blood. The dis&atcher still rages over his mike: the dut' officer*s voice cracks as he ans"ers urgent 9ueries from radio ne"smen in San Francisco and 2os Angeles: "3*m sorr'! that*s all 3 can sa'. The' seem to have. . . ah. . . our information is that the'. . . the' disa&&eared! 'es! the'*re gone."

350 The only reason it hasn$t happened is that the Hell$s Angels ha!e no access to pri!ate property in the "oondoc#s. Cne or two claim to ha!e relati!es with farms, "ut there are no stories of the others "eing in!ited out for a picnic. The Angels don$t ha!e much contact with people who own land. They are city "oys, economically and emotionally as well as physically. For at least one generation and sometimes two they come from people who ne!er owned anything at all, not e!en a car. The Hell$s Angels are !ery definitely a lower class phenomenon, "ut their "ac#grounds are not necessarily po!erty stric#en. 1espite some grim moments, their parents seem to ha!e had credit. Bost of the outlaws are the sons of people who came to California either %ust "efore or during 4orld 4ar 22. Bany ha!e lost contact with their families, and 2 ha!e ne!er met an Angel who claimed to ha!e a home town in any sense that people who use that term might understand it. Terry the Tramp, for instance, is (from( 1etroit, Norfol#, /ong 2sland, /os Angeles, Fresno and Sacramento. As a child, he li!ed all o!er the country, not in po!erty "ut in total mo"ility. /i#e most of the others, he has no roots. He relates entirely to the present, the moment, the action. His longest "out with sta"ility was a three year hitch in the Coast *uard after finishing high school. Since then he has wor#ed half heartedly as a tree trimmer, mechanic, "it actor, la"orer and hustler of !arious commodities. He tried college for a few months "ut &uit to get married. After two years, two children and numerous &uarrels, the marriage ended in di!orce. He had another child, "y his second wife, "ut that union didn$t last either. Now, after two hugely pu"licized rape arrests, he refers to himself as an (eligi"le "achelor.( 1espite his spectacular rap sheet, he estimates his total %ail time at a"out six months ninety days for trespassing and the rest for traffic offenses. Terry is one of the most arrest prone of all the Angels' cops are offended "y the !ery sight of him, 2n one stretch, co!ering 67=; and $=<, he paid roughly L@,<:: to "ail "ondsmen, lawyers and traffic courts. /i#e most of the other Angels he "lames (the cops( for ma#ing him a full time outlaw. At least half the Hell$s Angels are war "a"ies, "ut that is a !ery "road term. There are also war "a"ies in the .eace Corps, in corporate training programs, and fighting in Dietnam. 4orld 4ar 22 had a lot to do with the Hell$s Angels$ origins, "ut you ha!e to stretch the war theory pretty thin to co!er "oth 1irty )d, in his early forties, and Clean Cut from Ca#land, who is twenty years younger. 1irty )d is old enough to "e Clean Cut$s father which is not li#ely, though he$s planted more seeds than he cares to remem"er. 2t is easy enough to trace the Hell$s Angels$ mysti&ue and e!en their name and their em"lems "ac# to 4orld 4ar 22 and Hollywood. 0ut their genes and real history go "ac# a lot further. 4orld 4ar 22 was not the original California "oom, "ut a re"irth of a thing that "egan in the thirties and was already tapering off when the war economy made California a new Dalhalla. 2n 67?8 4oody *uthrie wrote a song called (1o +e Bi.( The chorus goes li#e this9 California is a garden of )den A .aradise for you and for me, 0ut "elie!e it or not, Hou won$t thin# it$s so hot, 2f you ain$t got the 1o +e Bi. The song expressed the frustrated sentiments of more than a million C#ies, Ar#ies and hill"illies who made a long tre# to the *olden State and found it was %ust another hard dollar. 0y the time these gentlemen arri!ed, the 4estward Bo!ement was already "eginning to solidify. The (California way of life( was the same old game to musical chairs "ut it too# a while for this news to filter "ac# )ast, and meanwhile the *old +ush continued. Cnce here, the newcomers hung on for

351 a few years, "reeding prolifically until the war started. Then they either %oined up or had their pic# of %o"s on a "ooming la"or mar#et. )ither way, they were Californians when the war ended. The old way of life was scattered "ac# along +oute ==, and their children grew up in a new world. The /in#horns had finally found a home. Nelson Algren wrote a"out them in A %alk on the %ild Side! "ut that story was told "efore they crossed the +oc#ies. 1o!e /in#horn, son of crazy Fitz, went to hustle for his fortune in New Crleans. Ten years later he would ha!e gone to /os Angeles. Algren$s "oo# opens with one of the "est historical descriptions of American white trash e!er written.S He traces the /in#horn ancestry "ac# to the first wa!e of "onded ser!ants to arri!e on these shores. These were the dregs of society from all o!er the 0ritish 2sles misfits, criminals, de"tors, social "an#rupts of e!ery type and description all of them willing to sign oppressi!e wor# contracts with future employers in exchange for ocean passage to the New 4orld. Cnce here, they endured a form of sla!ery for a year or two during which they were fed and sheltered "y the "oss and when their time of "ondage ended, they were turned loose to ma#e their own way.
SA story called (0arn 0urning,( "y 4illiam Faul#ner, is another white trash classic. 2t pro!ides the dimensions of humanity that Algren$s description lac#s.

2n theory and in the context of history the setup was mutually ad!antageous. Any man desperate enough to sell himself into "ondage in the first place had pretty well shot his wad in the old country, so a chance for a foothold on a new continent was not to "e ta#en lightly. After a period of hard la"or and wretchedness he would then "e free to seize whate!er he might in a land of seemingly infinite natural wealth. Thousands of "onded ser!ants came o!er, "ut "y the time they earned their freedom the coastal strip was already settled. The unclaimed land was west, across the Alleghenies. So they drifted into the new states ,entuc#y and Tennessee' their sons drifted on to Bissouri, Ar#ansas and C#lahoma. 1rifting "ecame a ha"it' with dead roots in the Cld 4orld and none in the New, the /in#horns were not of a mind to dig in and culti!ate things. 0ondage too "ecame a ha"it, "ut it was only the temporary #ind. They were not pioneers, "ut sleazy rearguard camp followers of the original westward mo!ement. 0y the time the /in#horns arri!ed anywhere the land was already ta#en so they wor#ed for a while and mo!ed on. Their world was a !iolent, "oozing lim"o "etween the pits of despair and the 0ig +oc# Candy Bountain. They #ept drifting west, chasing %o"s, rumors, homestead gra"s or the luc# of some front running #in. They li!ed off the surface of the land, li#e armyworms, stripping it of whate!er they could "efore mo!ing on. 2t was a day to day existence, and there was always more land to the west Some stayed "ehind and their lineal descendants are still there in the Carolinas, ,entuc#y, 4est Dirginia and Tennessee. There were dropouts along the way9 hill"illies, C#ies, Ar#ies they$re all the same people. Texas is a li!ing monument to the "reed. So is southern California. Algren called them (fierce cra!ing "oys( with (a feeling of ha!ing "een cheated.( Free"ooters, armed and drun# a legion of gam"lers, "rawlers and whorehoppers. 0lowing into town in a %un# Bodel A with "ald tires, no muffler and one headlight. . . loo#ing for &uic# wor#, with no &uestions as#ed and prefera"ly no tax deductions. Aust get the cash, fill up at the cut rate gas station and hit the road, with a pint on the seat and )ddy Arnold on the radio moaning good "ac# country tunes a"out home sweet home, that 0luegrass sweetheart still waitin, and roses on Bama$s gra!e. Algren left the /in#horns in Texas, "ut anyone who dri!es the 4estern highways #nows they didn$t stay there either. They #ept mo!ing until one day in the late 67?:s they stood on the spine of a scru" oa# California hill and loo#ed down on the .acific Ccean the end of the road. Things were tough for a while, "ut no tougher than they were in a hundred other places. And then came the war fat city, "ig money e!en for /in#horns.

352 4hen the war ended, California was full of !eterans loo#ing for ways to spend their separation "onuses. Bany decided to stay on the Coast, and while their new radios played hill"illy music they went out and "ought "ig motorcycles not #nowing exactly why, "ut in the "ooming, rootless atmosphere of those times, it seemed li#e the thing to do. They were not all /in#horns, "ut the forced democracy of four war years had erased so many old distinctions that e!en /in#horns were confused. Their pattern of intermarriage was shattered, their children mixed freely and without !iolence. 0y 67<: many /in#horns were participating in the money economy' they owned decent cars, and e!en houses. Cthers, howe!er, "ro#e down under the strain of respecta"ility and answered the call of the genes. There is a story a"out a /in#horn who "ecame a wealthy car dealer in /os Angeles. He married a "eautiful Spanish actress and "ought a mansion in 0e!erly Hills. 0ut after a decade of opulence he suffered from soa#ing sweats and was una"le to sleep at night. He "egan to snea# out of the house through the ser!ants$ entrance and run a few "loc#s to a gas station where he #ept a hopped up $?8 Ford with no fenders. . . and spend the rest of the night hanging around hon#y ton# "ars and truc# stops, dressed in dirty o!eralls and a crusty green T shirt with a 0ardahl em"lem on the "ac#. He en%oyed cadging "eers and "elting whores around when they spurned his crude propositions. Cne night, after long haggling, he "ought se!eral mason %ars full of home whis#ey, which he dran# while dri!ing at high speed through the 0e!erly Hills area. 4hen the old Ford finally threw a rod he a"andoned it and called a taxi, which too# him to his own automo"ile agency. He #ic#ed down a side door, hot wiped a con!erti"le waiting for tune up and dro!e out to Highway 6:6, where he got in a drag race with some hoodlums from .asadena. He lost, and it so enraged him that he followed the other car until it stopped for a traffic light where he rammed it from the rear at se!enty miles an hour. The pu"licity ruined him, "ut influential friends #ept him out of %ail "y paying a psychiatrist to call him insane. He spent a year in a rest home' and now, according to the stories, he has a motorcycle dealership near San 1iego. .eople who #now him say he$s happy although his dri!er$s license has "een re!o#ed for numerous !iolations, his "usiness is !erging on "an#ruptcy, and his new wife, a %aded ex "eauty &ueen from 4est Dirginia, is a half mad alcoholic. 2t would not "e fair to say that all motorcycle outlaws carry /in#horn genes, "ut no"ody who has e!er spent time among the in"red Anglo Saxon tri"es of Appalachia would need more than a few hours with the Hell$s Angels to wor# up a !ery strong sense of dT4W vu. There is the same sul#ing hostility toward (outsiders,( the same extremes of temper and action, and e!en the same names, sharp faces and long "oned "odies that ne!er loo# &uite natural unless they are leaning on something. Bost of the Angels are o"!ious Anglo Saxons, "ut the /in#horn attitude is contagious. The few outlaws with Bexican or 2talian names not only act li#e the others "ut somehow loo# li#e them. )!en Chinese Bel from Frisco and Charley, a young Negro from Ca#land, ha!e the /in#horn gait and mannerisms.

Ashes to Ashes 7 $ust to $ust< The #uneral o5 %other %+les

$e "ho makes a beast of himself gets rid of the &ain of being a man. 1r. Aohnson The neighborhood suddenl' e &loded "ith e cited! morbid cro"ds. $'sterical "omen surged for"ard in a fren?'! screeching in almost se ual ecstas'! scratching and fighting the agents and

353 &olice in their attem&t to reach the bod'. 1ne fat#breasted "oman "ith string' red hair broke through the cordon and di&&ed her handkerchief in the blood! clutched it to her s"eat' dress and "addled off do"n the street. . . From an account of the death of Aohn 1illinger Toward Christmas the action slowed down and the Angels dropped out of the headlines. Tiny lost his %o", Sonny got in!ol!ed in a long %ury trial on the attempted murder charge, and the )l Ado"e was demolished "y the wrec#er$s "all. The Angels drifted from one "ar to another, "ut they found it harder to esta"lish a hangout than to maintain one. 2n San Francisco it was %ust as slow. Frenchy spent three months in *eneral Hospital when a can of gasoline "lew up on him, and .uff went to %ail after a fracas with two cops who raided an Angel "irthday party. 4inter is always slow for the outlaws. Bany ha!e to go to wor# to stay eligi"le for next summer$s unemployment insurance, it is too cold for "ig outdoor parties, and the constant rain ma#es riding an uncomforta"le hazard. 2t seemed li#e a good time to get some wor# done, so 2 dropped off the circuit. Terry came "y now and then to #eep me posted. Cne day he showed up with a "ro#en arm, saying he$d wrec#ed his "i#e, his old lady had left him and the niggers had "lown up his house. 2$d heard a"out the house from 0arger$s wife, )lsie, who was handling the communications post at their home in Ca#land. 1uring one of the sporadic flare ups "etween the Hell$s Angels and the Ca#land Negroes some"ody had thrown a homemade "om" through the window of the house that Terry was renting in )ast Ca#land. The fire destroyed the house and all of Barilyn$s paintings. She was a pretty girl a"out nineteen, with long "lond hair and a respecta"le family in one of the !alley towns. She$d "een li!ing with Terry for nearly six months, co!ering the walls with her artwor#, "ut she had no stomach for "om"s. The di!orce was effected soon after they mo!ed to another dwelling. (2 came "ac# one night and she was gone,( said Terry. (All she left was a note9 $1ear Terry, Fuc# it.$( And that was that. Nothing else happened until Aanuary, when Bother Biles got snuffed. He was riding his "i#e through 0er#eley when a truc# came out of a side street and hit him head on, "rea#ing "oth legs and fracturing his s#ull. He hung in a coma for six days, then died on a Sunday morning, less than twenty four hours "efore his thirtieth "irthday lea!ing a wife, two children and his righteous girl friend, Ann. Biles had "een president of the Sacramento chapter. His influence was so great that in 67=< he mo!ed the whole clu" down to Ca#land, claiming the police had made life intolera"le for them "y constant harassment. The outlaws simply pic#ed up and mo!ed, not &uestioning Biles$ wisdom. His real name was Aames, "ut the Angels called him Bother. (2 guess it was "ecause he was #ind of motherly,( said *ut. (Biles was great, great people. He too# care of e!ery"ody. He worried. Hou could always depend on him.( 2 #new Biles in a distant #ind of way. He didn$t trust writers, "ut there was nothing mean a"out him, and once he decided 2 wasn$t going to get him loc#ed up somehow, he was friendly. He had the "uild of a pot "ellied ste!edore, with a round face and a wide, flaring "eard. 2 ne!er thought of him as a hoodlum. He had the usual Hell$s Angel police record9 drun#, disorderly, fighting, !agrancy, loitering, petty larceny and a handful of ominous (suspicion of( charges that had ne!er gone to trial. 0ut he wasn$t plagued "y the same demons that moti!ate some of the others. He wasn$t happy with the world, "ut he didn$t "rood a"out it, and his appetite for re!enge didn$t extend "eyond the specific wrongs done to the Angels or to him personally. Hou could drin# with Biles without wondering when he was going to swing on some"ody or lift your money off the "ar. He wasn$t that way. 0ooze seemed to ma#e him more genial. /i#e most of the Angels$ leaders, he had a &uic# mind and a &uality of self control which the others relied on. 4hen 2 heard he$d "een #illed 2 called Sonny to as# a"out the funeral, "ut "y the time 2 finally got hold of him the details were already on the radio and in the newspapers. Biles$ mother

354 was arranging for the funeral in Sacramento. The outlaw cara!an would form at 0arger$s house at ele!en on Thursday morning. The Angels ha!e gone to plenty of funerals for their own people, "ut until this one they had ne!er tried to run the procession for ninety miles along a ma%or highway. There was also a chance that the Sacramento police would try to #eep them out of town. The word went out on Bonday and Tuesday "y telephone. This was not going to "e any Aay *ats"y funeral' the Angels wanted a full dress rally. Biles$ status was not the point' the death of any Angel re&uires a show of strength "y the others. 2t is a form of affirmation not for the dead, "ut the li!ing. There are no set penalties for not showing up, "ecause none are necessary. 2n the cheap loneliness that is the o!erriding fact of e!ery outlaw$s life, a funeral is a "lea# reminder that the tri"e is smaller "y one. The circle is one lin# shorter, the enemy %ac#s up the odds %ust a little "it more, and defenders of the faith need something to ta#e off the chill. A funeral is a time for counting the loyal, for seeing how many are left. There is no &uestion a"out s#ipping wor#, going without sleep or riding for hours in a cold wind to "e there on time. )arly Thursday morning the "i#es "egan arri!ing in Ca#land. Bost of the outlaws were already in the 0ay Area, or at least within fifty or sixty miles, "ut a handful of Satan$s Sla!es rode all of 4ednesday night, fi!e hundred miles from /os Angeles, to %oin the main cara!an. Cthers came from Fresno and San Aose and Santa +osa. There were Hangmen, Bisfits, .residents, Nightriders, *rossmen and some with no colors at all. A hard faced little man whom no"ody spo#e to wore an oli!e dra" "om"ardier$s %ac#et with %ust the word (/oner( on the "ac#, written in small, "lue in#ed letters that loo#ed li#e a signature. 2 was crossing the 0ay 0ridge when a dozen *ypsy Ao#ers came roaring past, ignoring the speed limit as they split up to go around me on "oth sides of the car. Seconds later they disappeared up ahead in the fog. The morning was cold and "ridge traffic was slow except for motorcycles. 1own in the 0ay there were freighters lined up, waiting for open piers. The procession rolled at exactly ele!en a hundred and fifty "i#es and a"out twenty cars. A few miles north of Ca#land, at the Car&uinez 0ridge, the outlaws pic#ed up a police escort assigned to #eep them under control. A Highway .atrol car led the cara!an all the way to Sacramento. The lead Angels rode two a"reast in the right lane, holding a steady sixty fi!e miles an hour. At the head, with 0arger, was the scruffy .raetorian *uard9 Bagoo, Tommy, Aimmy, S#ip, Tiny, Porro, Terry and Charger Charley the Child Bolester. The spectacle disrupted traffic all along the way. 2t loo#ed li#e something from another world. Here was the (scum of the earth,( the (lowest form of animals,( an army of unwashed gang rapists. . . "eing escorted toward the state capital "y a Highway .atrol car with a flashing yellow light. The steady pace of the procession made it unnaturally solemn. Not e!en Senator Burphy could ha!e mista#en it for a dangerous run. There were the same "earded faces' the same earrings, em"lems, swasti#as and grinning death$s heads flapping in the wind "ut this time there were no party clothes, no hamming it up for the s&uares. They were still playing the role, "ut all the humor was missing. The only trou"le en route came when the procession was halted after a filling station owner complained that some"ody had stolen fourteen &uarts of oil at the last gas stop. 0arger &uic#ly too# up a collection to pay the man off, muttering that whoe!er stole the oil was due for a chain whipping later on. The Angles assured each other that it must ha!e "een a pun# in one of the cars at the rear of the cara!an, some shithead without any class. 2n Sacramento there was no sign of harassment. Hundreds of curious spectators lined the route "etween the funeral home and the cemetery. 2nside the chapel a handful of Aim Biles$ childhood friends and relati!es waited with his "ody, a hired minister and three ner!ous attendants. They #new what was coming Bother Biles$ (people,( hundreds of thugs, wild "rawlers and "izarre loo#ing girls in tight /e!is, scar!es and waist length platinum colored wigs. Biles$ mother, a hea!y middle aged woman in a "lac# suit, wept &uietly in a front pew, facing the open cas#et. At one thirty the outlaw cara!an arri!ed. The slow rum"le of motorcycle engines rattled glass in the mortuary windows. .olice tried to #eep traffic mo!ing as TD cameras followed 0arger

355 and perhaps a hundred others toward the door of the chapel. Bany outlaws waited outside during the ser!ice. They stood in &uiet groups, leaning against the "i#es and #illing time with lazy con!ersation. There was hardly any tal# a"out Biles. 2n one group a pint of whis#ey made the rounds. Some of the outlaws tal#ed to "ystanders, trying to explain what was happening. (Heah, the guy was one of our leaders,( said an Angel to an elderly man in a "ase"all cap. (He was good people. Some pun# ran a stop sign and snuffed him. 4e came to "ury him with the colors.( 2nside the pine paneled chapel the minister was telling his weird congregation that (the wages of sin is death.( He loo#ed li#e a Norman +oc#well druggist and was o"!iously repelled "y the whole scene. Not all the pews were full, "ut standing room in the rear was crowded all the way "ac# to the door. The minister tal#ed a"out (sin( and (%ustification,( pausing now and then as if he expected a re"uttal from the crowd. (2t$s not my "usiness to pass %udgment on any"ody,( he continued. (Nor is it my "usiness to eulogize any"ody. 0ut it is my "usiness to spea# out a warning that it "ill ha&&en to 'ou+ 2 don$t #now what philosophy some of you ha!e a"out death, "ut 2 #now the Scriptures tell us that *od ta#es no pleasure in the death of the wic#ed. . . Aesus didn$t die for an animal, he died for a man. . . 4hat 2 say a"out Aim won$t change anything, "ut 2 can preach the gospel to you and 2 ha!e a responsi"ility to warn you that you will all ha!e to ans"er to (od+" The crowd was shifting and sweating. The chapel was so hot that it seemed li#e the 1e!il himself was waiting in one of the anterooms, ready to claim the wic#ed %ust as soon as the sermon was o!er. (How many of you ( as#ed the minister, (how many of you as#ed yoursel!es on the way up here. *%ho is ne t.* " At this point se!eral Angels in the pews rose and wal#ed out, cursing &uietly at a way of life they had long ago left "ehind. The minister ignored these mutinous signs and launched into a story a"out a .hilippian %ailer. (Holy shitI( mum"led Tiny. He$d "een standing &uietly in the rear for a"out thirty minutes, pouring sweat and eying the minister as if he meant to hunt him down later in the day and extract all his teeth. Tiny$s departure caused fi!e or six others to lea!e. The minister sensed he was losing his audience, so he "rought the .hilippian story to a &uic# end. There was no music as the crowd filed out. 2 passed "y the cas#et and was shoc#ed to see Bother Biles clean sha!en, lying peacefully on his "ac# in a "lue suit, white shirt and a wide maroon tie. His Hell$s Angels %ac#et, co!ered with exotic em"lems, was mounted on a stand at the foot of the cas#et. 0ehind it were thirteen wreaths, some "earing names of other outlaw clu"s. 2 "arely recognized Biles. He loo#ed younger than twenty nine and !ery ordinary. 0ut his face was calm, as though he were not at all surprised to find himself there in a "ox. He wouldn$t ha!e li#ed the clothes he was wearing, "ut since the Angels weren$t paying for the funeral, the "est they could do was ma#e sure the colors went into the cas#et "efore it was sealed. 0arger stayed "ehind with the pall"earers to ma#e sure the thing was done right After the funeral more than two hundred motorcycles followed the hearse to the cemetery. 0ehind the Angels rode all the other clu"s, including a half dozen )ast 0ay 1ragons and, according to a radio commentator, (dozens of teen age riders who loo#ed so solemn that you$d thin# +o"in Hood had %ust died.( The Hell$s Angels #new "etter. Not all of them had read a"out +o"in Hood, "ut they understood that the parallel was complimentary. .erhaps the younger outlaws "elie!ed it, "ut there is room in their margin for one or two friendly illusions. Those who are almost thirty, or more than that, ha!e "een li!ing too long with their own scur!y image to thin# of themsel!es as heroes. They understand that heroes are always (good guys,( and they ha!e seen enough cow"oy mo!ies to #now that good guys win in the end. The myth didn$t seem to include Biles, who was (one of the "est.( 0ut all he got in the end was two "ro#en legs, a smashed head and a tongue lashing from the preacher. Cnly his Hell$s Angels identity #ept him from going to the gra!e as anonymously as any

356 ri""on cler#. As it was, his funeral got nationwide press co!erage9 2ife had a picture of the procession entering the cemetery, TD newscasts ga!e the funeral a solemn priority, and the /hronicle headline said9 H)//$S AN*)/S 0-+H TH)2+ C4N 0/AC, AAC,)TS AN1 AN C11 12*N2TH. Bother Biles would ha!e "een pleased. Boments after the "urial the cara!an was escorted out of town "y a phalanx of police cars, with sirens howling. The "rief truce was ended. At the city limits the Angels screwed it on and roared "ac# to +ichmond, across the 0ay from San Francisco, where they held an all night wa#e that #ept police on edge until long after dawn. Cn Sunday night there was a meeting in Ca#land to confirm Biles$ successor, 0ig Al. 2t was a &uiet affair, "ut without the grimness of the funeral. The "anshee$s wail that had seemed so loud on Thursday was already fading away. After the meeting there was a "eer party at the Sinners Clu", and "y the time the place closed they had already set the date for the next run. The Angels would gather in 0a#ersfield, on the first day of Spring. All my life my heart has sought a thing 2 cannot name. +emem"ered line from a long forgotten poem Bonths later, when 2 rarely saw the Angels, 2 still had the legacy of the "ig machine four hundred pounds of chrome and deep red noise to ta#e out on the Coast Highway and cut loose at three in the morning, when all the cops were lur#ing o!er on 6:6. By first crash had wrec#ed the "i#e completely and it too# se!eral months to ha!e it re"uilt. After that 2 decided to ride it differently9 2 would stop pushing my luc# on cur!es, always wear a helmet and try to #eep within range of the nearest speed limit. . . my insurance had already "een canceled and my dri!er$s license was hanging "y a thread. So it was always at night, li#e a werewolf, that 2 would ta#e the thing out for an honest run down the coast. 2 would start in *olden *ate .ar#, thin#ing only to run a few long cur!es to clear my head. . . "ut in a matter of minutes 2$d "e out at the "each with the sound of the engine in my ears, the surf "ooming up on the sea wall and a fine empty road stretching all the way down to Santa Cruz. . . not e!en a gas station in the whole se!enty miles' the only pu"lic light along the way is an all night diner down around +oc#away 0each. There was no helmet on those nights, no speed limit, and no cooling it down on the cur!es. The momentary freedom of the par# was li#e the one unluc#y drin# that sho!es a wa!ering alcoholic off the wagon. 2 would come out of the par# near the soccer field and pause for a moment at the stop sign, wondering if 2 #new anyone par#ed out there on the midnight humping strip. Then into first gear, forgetting the cars and letting the "east wind out. . . thirty fi!e, forty fi!e. . . then into second and wailing through the light at /incoln 4ay, not worried a"out green or red signals, "ut only some other werewolf loony who might "e pulling out, too slowly, to start his own run. Not many of these. . . and with three lanes on a wide cur!e, a "i#e coming hard has plenty of room to get around almost anything. . . then into third, the "oomer gear, pushing se!enty fi!e and the "eginning of a windscream in the ears, a pressure on the eye"alls li#e di!ing into water off a high "oard. 0ent forward, far "ac# on the seat, and a rigid grip on the handle"ars as the "i#e starts %umping and wa!ering in the wind. Taillights far up ahead coming closer, faster, and suddenly zaaapppp going past and leaning down for a cur!e near the zoo, where the road swings out to sea. The dunes are flatter here, and on windy nights sand "lows across the highway, piling up in thic# drifts as deadly as any oil slic#. . . instant loss of control, a crashing, cartwheeling slide and may"e one of those two inch notices in the paper the next day9 (An unidentified motorcyclist was #illed last night when he failed to negotiate a turn on Highway 2.( 2ndeed. . . "ut no sand this time, so the le!er goes up into fourth, and now there$s no sound

357 except wind. Screw it all the way o!er, reach through the handle"ars to raise the headlight "eam, the needle leans down on a hundred, and wind "urned eye"alls strain to see down the centerline, trying to pro!ide a margin for the reflexes. 0ut with the throttle screwed on there is only the "arest margin, and no room at all for mista#es. 2t has to "e done right. . . and that$s when the strange music starts, when you stretch your luc# so far that fear "ecomes exhilaration and !i"rates along your arms. Hou can "arely see at a hundred' the tears "low "ac# so fast that they !aporize "efore they get to your ears. The only sounds are wind and a dull roar floating "ac# from the mufflers. Hou watch the white line and try to lean with it. . . howling through a turn to the right, then to the left and down the long hill to .acifica. . . letting off now, watching for cops, "ut only until the next dar# stretch and another few seconds on the edge. . . The )dge. . . There is no honest way to explain it "ecause the only people who really #now where it is are the ones who ha!e gone o!er. The others the li!ing are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled "ac#, or slowed down, or did whate!er they had to when it came time to choose "etween Now and /ater. 0ut the edge is still Cut there. Cr may"e it$s 2n. The association of motorcycles with /S1 is no accident of pu"licity. They are "oth a means to an end, to the place of definitions. $ell*s Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga! +andom House, 67==

Wel,o3e to Las Ve*as< When the Go+n* *ets We+r-, the We+r- Turn Pro
4e were somewhere around 0arstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs "egan to ta#e hold. 2 remem"er saying something li#e (2 feel a "it lightheaded' may"e you should dri!e. . .( And suddenly there was a terri"le roar all around us and the s#y was full of what loo#ed li#e huge "ats, all swooping and screeching and di!ing around the car, which was going a"out a hundred miles an hour with the top down to /as Degas. And a !oice was screaming9 (Holy AesusI 4hat are these goddamn animalsG( Then it was &uiet again. By attorney had ta#en his shirt off and was pouring "eer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. (4hat the hell are you yelling a"outG( he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and co!ered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. (Ne!er mind,( 2 said. (2t$s your turn to dri!e.( 2 hit the "ra#es and aimed the *reat +ed Shar# toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those "ats, 2 thought. The poor "astard will see them soon enough. 2t was almost noon, and we still had more than a hundred miles to go. They would "e tough miles. Dery soon, 2 #new, we would "oth "e completely twisted. 0ut there was no going "ac#, and no time to rest. 4e would ha!e to ride it out. .ress registration for the fa"ulous Bint ;:: was already underway, and we had to get there "y four to claim our sound proof suite. A fashiona"le sporting magazine in New Hor# had ta#en care of the reser!ations, along with this huge red Che!y con!erti"le we$d %ust rented off a lot on the Sunset Strip. . . and 2 was, after all, a professional %ournalist' so 2 had an o"ligation to cover the stor', for good or ill. The sporting editors had also gi!en me L?:: in cash, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous drugs. The trun# of the car loo#ed li#e a mo"ile police narcotics la". 4e had two "ags of grass, se!enty fi!e pellets of mescaline, fi!e sheets of high powered "lotter acid, a salt sha#er half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers. . . and also a &uart of te&uila, a &uart of rum, a case of 0udweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.

358 All this had "een rounded up the night "efore, in a frenzy of high speed dri!ing all o!er /os Angeles County from Topanga to 4atts, we pic#ed up e!erything we could get our hands on. Not that we needed all that for the trip, "ut once you loc#ed into a serious drug connection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsi"le and depra!ed than a man in the depths of an ether "inge. And 2 #new we$d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. .ro"a"ly at the next gas station. 4e had sampled almost e!erything else, and now yes, it was time for a long snort of ether. And then do the next hundred miles in a horri"le, slo""ering sort of spastic stupor. The only way to #eep alert on ether is to do up a lot of amyls not all at once, "ut steadily, %ust enough to maintain the focus at ninety miles an hour through 0arstow. (Ban, this is the way to tra!el,( said my attorney. He leaned o!er to turn the !olume up on the radio, humming along with the rhythm section and #ind of moaning the words9 (Cne to#e o!er the line, Sweet Aesus. . . Cne to#e o!er the line. . .( Cne to#eG Hou poor foolI 4ait till you see those goddamn "ats. 2 could "arely hear the radio. . . slumped o!er on the far side of the seat, grappling with a tape recorder turned all the way up on (Sympathy for the 1e!il.( That was the only tape we had, so we played it constantly, o!er and o!er, as a #ind of demented counterpoint to the radio. And also to maintain our rhythm on the road. A constant speed is good for gas mileage and for some reason that seemed important at the time. 2ndeed. Cn a trip li#e this one must "e careful a"out gas consumption. A!oid those &uic# "ursts of acceleration that drag "lood to the "ac# of the "rain. By attorney saw the hitchhi#er long "efore 2 did. (/et$s gi!e this "oy a lift,( he said, and "efore 2 could mount any argument he was stopped and this poor C#ie #id was running up to the car with a "ig grin on his face, saying, (Hot damnI 2 ne!er rode in a con!erti"le "eforeI( (2s that rightG( 2 said. (4ell, 2 guess you$re a"out ready, ehG( The #id nodded eagerly as we roared off. (4e$re your friends,( said my attorney. (4e$re not li#e the others.( C Christ, 2 thought, he$s gone around the "end. (No more of that tal#,( 2 said sharply. (Cr 2$ll put the leeches on you.( He grinned, seemed to understand. /uc#ily, the noise in the car was so awful "etween the wind and the radio and the tape machine that the #id in the "ac# seat couldn$t hear a word we were saying. Cr could heG How long can we maintain. 2 wondered. How long "efore one of us starts ra!ing and %a""ering at this "oyG 4hat will he thin# thenG This same lonely desert was the last #nown home of the Banson family. 4ill he ma#e that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming a"out "ats and huge manta rays coming down on the carG 2f so well, we$ll %ust ha!e to cut his head off and "ury him somewhere. 0ecause it goes without saying that we can$t turn him loose. He$ll report us at once to some #ind of out"ac# nazi law enforcement agency, and they$ll run us down li#e dogs. AesusI 1id 2 sa' thatG Cr %ust thin# itG 4as 2 tal#ingG 1id they hear meG 2 glanced o!er at my attorney, "ut he seemed o"li!ious watching the road, dri!ing our *reat +ed Shar# along at a hundred and ten or so. There was no sound from the "ac# seat. Bay"e 2$d "etter ha!e a chat with this "oy, 2 thought. .erhaps if 2 e &lain things, he$ll rest easy. Cf course. 2 leaned around in the seat and ga!e him a fine "ig smile. . . admiring the shape of his s#ull. (0y the way,( 2 said. (There$s one thing you should pro"a"ly understand.( He stared at me, not "lin#ing. 4as he gritting his teethG (Can you hear meG( 2 yelled. He nodded. (That$s good,( 2 said. (0ecause 2 want you to #now that we$re on our way to /as Degas to

359 find the American 1ream.( 2 smiled. (That$s why we rented this car. 2t was the only way to do it. Can you grasp thatG( He nodded again, "ut his eyes were ner!ous. (2 want you to ha!e all the "ac#ground,( 2 said. (0ecause this is a !ery ominous assignment with o!ertones of extreme personal danger. . . Hell, 2 forgot all a"out this "eer' you want oneG( He shoo# his head. (How a"out some etherG( 2 said. (4hatG( (Ne!er mind. /et$s get right to the heart of this thing. Hou see, a"out twenty four hours ago we were sitting in the .olo /ounge of the 0e!erly Hills Hotel in the patio section, of course and we were %ust sitting there under a palm tree when this uniformed dwarf came up to me with a pin# telephone and said, $This must "e the call you$!e "een waiting for all this time, sir.(( 2 laughed and ripped open a "eer can that foamed all o!er the "ac# seat while 2 #ept tal#ing. (And you #nowG He was rightI 2$d "een e &ecting that call, "ut 2 didn$t #now who it would come from. 1o you follow meG( The "oy$s face was a mas# of pure fear and "ewilderment. 2 "lundered on9 (2 want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorne'+ He$s not %ust some ding"at 2 found on the Strip. Shit, look at himI He doesn$t loo# li#e you or me, rightG That$s "ecause he$s a foreigner. 2 thin# he$s pro"a"ly Samoan. 0ut it doesn$t matter, does itG Are you pre%udicedG( (Ch, hell no+" he "lurted. (2 didn$t thin# so,( 2 said. (0ecause in spite of his race, this man is extremely !alua"le to me.( 2 glanced o!er at my attorney, "ut his mind was somewhere else. 2 whac#ed the "ac# of the dri!er$s seat with my fist. (This is im&ortant! goddamnitI This is a true stor'+" The car swer!ed sic#eningly, then straightened out. (,eep your hands off my fuc#ing nec#I( my attorney screamed. The #id in the "ac# loo#ed li#e he was ready to %ump right out of the car and ta#e his chances. Cur !i"rations were getting nasty "ut whyG 2 was puzzled, frustrated. 4as there no communication in this carG Had we deteriorated to the le!el of dumb beasts. 0ecause my story "as true. 2 was certain of that. And it was extremely important, 2 felt, for the meaning of our %ourney to "e made a"solutely clear. 4e had actually "een sitting there in the .olo /ounge for many hours drin#ing Singapore Slings with mescal on the side and "eer chasers. And when the call came, 2 was ready. The 1warf approached our ta"le cautiously, as 2 recall, and when he handed me the pin# telephone 2 said nothing, merely listened. And then 2 hung up, turning to face my attorney. (That was head&uarters,( 2 said. (They want me to go to /as Degas at once, and ma#e contact with a .ortuguese photographer named /acerda. He$ll ha!e the details. All 2 ha!e to do is chec# my suite and he$ll see# me out.( By attorney said nothing for a moment, then he suddenly came ali!e in his chair. (*od hell+( he exclaimed. (2 thin# 2 see the &attern. This one sounds li#e real trou"leI( He tuc#ed his #ha#i undershirt into his white rayon "ell"ottoms and called for more drin#. (Hou$re going to need plenty of legal ad!ice "efore this thing is o!er,( he said. (And my first ad!ice is that you should rent a !ery fast car with no top and get the hell out of /.A. for at least forty eight hours.( He shoo# his head sadly. (This "lows my wee#end, "ecause naturally 2$ll ha!e to go with you and we$ll ha!e to arm oursel!es.( (4hy notG( 2 said. (2f a thing li#e this is worth doing at all, it$s worth doing right. 4e$ll need some decent e&uipment and plenty of cash on the line if only for drugs and a super sensiti!e tape recorder, for the sa#e of a permanent record.( (4hat #ind of story is thisG( he as#ed.

360 (The Bint ;::,( 2 said. (2t$s the richest off the road race for motorcycles and dune "uggies in the history of organized sport a fantastic spectacle in honor of some fat"ac# grossero named 1el 4e"", who owns the luxurious Bint Hotel in the heart of downtown /as Degas. . . at least that$s what the press release says' my man in New Hor# %ust read it to me.( (4ell,( he said, (as your attorney 2 ad!ise you to "uy a motorcycle. How else can you co!er a thing li#e this righteouslyG( (No way,( 2 said. (4here can we get hold of a Dincent 0lac# ShadowG( (4hat$s thatG( (A fantastic "i#e,( 2 said. (The new model is something li#e two thousand cu"ic inches, de!eloping two hundred "ra#e horsepower at four thousand re!olutions per minute on a magnesium frame with two styrofoam seats and a total cur" weight of exactly two hundred pounds.( (That sounds a"out right for this gig,( he said. (2t is,( 2 assured him. (The fuc#er$s not much for turning, "ut it$s pure hell on the straightaway. 2t$ll outrun the F 666 until ta#eoff.( (Ta#eoffG( he said. (Can we handle that much tor&ueG( (A"solutely,( 2 said. (2$ll call New Hor# for some cash.( Stran*e %e-+,+ne on the $esert. . . a Cr+s+s o5 Con5+-en,e 2 am still !aguely haunted "y our hitchhi#er$s remar# a"out how he$d (ne!er rode in a con!erti"le "efore.( Here$s this poor gee# li!ing in a world of con!erti"les zipping past him on the highways all the time, and he$s ne!er e!en ridden in one. 2t made me feel li#e ,ing Farou#. 2 was tempted to ha!e my attorney pull into the next airport and arrange some #ind of simple, common law contract where"y we could %ust give the car to this unfortunate "astard. Aust say9 (Here, sign this and the car$s yours.( *i!e him the #eys and then use the credit card to zap off on a %et to some place li#e Biami and rent another huge fireapple red con!erti"le for a drug addled, top speed run across the water all the way out to the last stop in ,ey 4est. . . and then trade the car off for a "oat. ,eep mo!ing. 0ut this manic notion passed &uic#ly. There was no point in getting this harmless #id loc#ed up and, "esides, 2 had &lans for this car. 2 was loo#ing forward to flashing around /as Degas in the "ugger. Bay"e do a "it of serious drag racing on the strip9 .ull up to that "ig stoplight in front of the Flamingo and start screaming at the traffic9 (Alright, you chic#enshit wimpsI Hou pansiesI 4hen this goddamn light flips green, 2$m gonna stomp down on this thing and "low e!ery one of you gutless pun#s off the roadI( +ight. Challenge the "astards on their own turf. Come screeching up to the crosswal#, "uc#ing and s#idding with a "ottle of rum in one hand and %amming the horn to drown out the music. . . glazed eyes insanely dilated "ehind tiny "lac#, gold rimmed greaser shades, screaming gi""erish. . . a genuinely dangerous drun#, ree#ing of ether and terminal psychosis. +e!!ing the engine up to a terri"le high pitched chattering whine, waiting for the light to change. . . How often does a chance li#e that come aroundG To %angle the "astards right down to the core of their spleens. Cld elephants limp off to the hills to die' old Americans go out to the highway and dri!e themsel!es to death with huge cars. 0ut our trip was different. 2t was a classic affirmation of e!erything right and true and decent in the national character. 2t was a gross, physical salute to the fantastic &ossibilities of life in this country "ut only for those with true grit. And we were choc# full of that. By attorney understood this concept, despite his racial handicap, "ut our hitchhi#er was not an easy person to reach. He said he understood, "ut 2 could see in his eyes that he didn$t. He was lying to me.

361 The car suddenly !eered off the road and we came to a sliding halt in the gra!el. 2 was hurled against the dash"oard. By attorney was slumped o!er the wheel. (4hat$s wrongG( 2 yelled. (4e can$t stop here. This is "at countryI( (By heart,( he groaned. (4here$s the medicineG( (Ch,( 2 said. (The medicine, yes, it$s right here.( 2 reached into the #it "ag for the amyls. The #id seemed petrified. (1on$t worry,( 2 said. (This man has a "ad heart Angina .ectoris. 0ut we ha!e the cure for it. Hes, here they are.( 2 pic#ed four amyls out of the tin "ox and handed two of them to my attorney. He immediately crac#ed one under his nose, and 2 did li#ewise. He too# a long snort and fell "ac# on the seat, staring straight up at the sun. (Turn up the fuc#ing musicI( he screamed. (By heart feels li#e an alligatorI DolumeI ClarityI 0assI 4e must ha!e "assI( He flailed his na#ed arms at the s#y. (4hat$s "rong with usG Are we goddamn old ladies." 2 turned "oth the radio and the tape machine up full "ore. (Hou scur!y shyster "astard,( 2 said. (4atch your languageI Hou$re tal#ing to a doctor of %ournalismI( He was laughing out of control. (4hat the fuc# are we doing out here on this desertG( he shouted. (Some"ody call the policeI 4e need helpI( (.ay no attention to this swine,( 2 said to the hitchhi#er. (He can$t handle the medicine. Actually, we$re both doctors of %ournalism, and we$re on our way to /as Degas to co!er the main story of our generation.( And then 2 "egan laughing. . . By attorney hunched around to face the hitchhi#er. (The truth is,( he said, (we$re going to Degas to croa# a scag "aron named Sa!age Henry. 2$!e #nown him for years, "ut he ripped us off and you #now what that means, rightG( 2 wanted to shut him off, "ut we were "oth helpless with laughter. 4hat the fuc# "ere we doing out here on this desert, when we "oth had "ad heartsG (Sa!age Henry has cashed his chec#I( By attorney snarled at the #id in the "ac# seat. (4e$re going to rip his lungs outI( (And eat themI( 2 "lurted. (That "astard won$t get away with thisI 4hat$s going on in this country when a scumsuc#er li#e that can get away with sand"agging a doctor of %ournalismG( No"ody answered. By attorney was crac#ing another amyl and the #id was clim"ing out of the "ac# seat, scram"ling down the trun# lid. (Than#s for the ride,( he yelled. (Than#s a lot. 2 like you guys. 1on$t worry a"out me." His feet hit the asphalt and he started running "ac# towards 0a#er. Cut in the middle of the desert, not a tree in sight. (4ait a minute,( 2 yelled. (Come "ac# and get a "eer.( 0ut apparently he couldn$t hear me. The music was !ery loud, and he was mo!ing away from us at good speed. (*ood riddance,( said my attorney. (4e had a real frea# on our hands. That "oy made me ner!ous. 1id you see his e'es." He was still laughing. (Aesus,( he said. (This is good medicineI( 2 opened the door and reeled around to the dri!er$s side. (Bo!e o!er,( 2 said. (2$ll dri!e. 4e ha!e to get out of California "efore that #id finds a cop.( (Shit, that$ll "e hours,( said my attorney. (He$s a hundred miles from anywhere.( (So are we,( 2 said. (/et$s turn around and dri!e "ac# to the .olo /ounge,( he said. (They$ll ne!er loo# for us there.( 2 ignored him. (Cpen the te&uila,( 2 yelled as the wind scream too# o!er again' 2 stomped on the accelerator as we hurtled "ac# onto the highway. Boments later he leaned o!er with a map. (There$s a place up ahead called Bescal Springs,( he said. (As your attorney, 2 ad!ise you to stop and ta#e a swim.( 2 shoo# my head. (2t$s a"solutely imperati!e that we get to the Bint Hotel "efore the deadline for press registration,( 2 said. (Ctherwise, we might ha!e to pay for our suite.(

362 He nodded. (0ut let$s forget that "ullshit a"out the American 1ream,( he said. (The im&ortant thing is the *reat Samoan 1ream.( He was rummaging around in the #it "ag. (2 thin# it$s a"out time to chew up a "lotter,( he said. (That cheap mescaline wore off a long time ago, and 2 don$t #now if 2 can stand the smell of that goddamn ether any longer.( (2 like it,( 2 said. (4e should soa# a towel with the stuff and then put it down on the floor"oard "y the accelerator, so the fumes will rise up in my face all the way to /as Degas.( He was turning the tape cassette o!er. The radio was screaming9 (.ower to the .eople +ight CnI( Aohn /ennon$s political song, ten years too late. (That poor fool should ha!e stayed where he was,( said my attorney. (.un#s li#e that %ust get in the way when they try to "e serious.( (Spea#ing of serious,( 2 said, (2 thin# it$s a"out time to get into the ether and the cocaine.( (Forget ether,( he said. (/et$s sa!e it for soa#ing down the rug in the suite. 0ut here$s this. Hour half of the sunshine "lotter. Aust chew it up li#e "ase"all gum.( 2 too# the "lotter and ate it. By attorney was now fum"ling with the salt sha#er containing the cocaine. Cpening it. Spilling it. Then screaming and gra""ing at the air, as our fine white dust "lew up and out across the desert highway. A !ery expensi!e little twister rising up from the *reat +ed Shar#. (Ch, 4esus+" he moaned. (1id you see what *od %ust did to usG( (*od didn$t do thatI( 2 shouted. ")ou did it. Hou$re a fuc#ing narcotics agentI 2 was on to your stin#ing act from the start, you pigI( (Hou "etter "e careful,( he said. And suddenly he was wa!ing a fat "lac# .?<8 magnum at me. Cne of those snu" nosed Colt .ythons with the "e!eled cylinder. (.lenty of !ultures out here,( he said. (They$ll pic# your "ones clean "efore morning.( (Hou whore,( 2 said. (4hen we get to /as Degas 2$ll ha!e you chopped into ham"urger. 4hat do you thin# the 1rug 0und will do when 2 show up with a Samoan narcotics agentG( (They$ll #ill us "oth,( he said. (Sa!age Henry #nows who 2 am. Shit, 2$m your attorne'." He "urst into wild laughter. (Hou$re full of acid, you fool. 2t$ll "e a goddamn miracle if we can get to the hotel and chec# in "efore you turn into a wild animal. Are you ready for thatG Chec#ing into a Degas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acidG( He was laughing again, then he %ammed his nose down toward the salt sha#er, aiming the thin green roll of a L@: "ill straight into what was left of the powder. (How long do we ha!eG( 2 said. (Bay"e thirty more minutes,( he replied. (As your attorney 2 ad!ise you to dri!e at top speed.( /as Degas was %ust up ahead. 2 could see the stripJhotel s#yline looming up through the "lue desert ground haze9 The Sahara, the landmar#, the Americana and the ominous Thunder"ird a cluster of grey rectangles in the distance, rising out of the cactus. Thirty minutes. 2t was going to "e !ery close. The o"%ecti!e was the "ig tower of the Bint Hotel, downtown and if we didn$t get there "efore we lost all control, there was also the Ne!ada State prison upstate in Carson City. 2 had "een there once, "ut only for a tal# with the prisoners and 2 didn$t want to go "ac#, for any reason at all. So there was really no choice9 4e would ha!e to run the gauntlet, and acid "e damned. *o through all the official gi""erish, get the car into the hotel garage, wor# out on the des# cler#, deal with the "ell"oy, sign in for the press passes all of it "ogus, totally illegal, a fraud on its face, "ut of course it would ha!e to "e done. (,2// TH) 0C1H AN1 TH) H)A1 42// 12)( This line appears in my note"oo#, for some reason. .erhaps some connection with Aoe Frazier. 2s he still ali!eG Still a"le to tal#G 2 watched that fight in Seattle horri"ly twisted a"out four seats down the aisle from the *o!ernor. A !ery painful experience in e!ery way, a proper end to

363 the sixties9 Tim /eary a prisoner of )ldridge Clea!er in Algeria, 0o" 1ylan clipping coupons in *reenwich Dillage, "oth ,ennedys murdered "y mutants, Cwsley folding nap#ins on Terminal 2sland, and finally CassiusJAli "elted incredi"ly off his pedestal "y a human ham"urger, a man on the !erge of death. Aoe Frazier, li#e Nixon, had finally pre!ailed for reasons that people li#e me refused to understand at least not out loud. . . . 0ut that was some other era, "urned out and long gone from the "rutish realities of this foul year of Cur /ord, 6786. A lot of things had changed in those years. And now 2 was in /as Degas as the motor sports editor of this fine slic# magazine that had sent me out here in the *reat +ed Shar# for some reason that no"ody claimed to understand. (Aust chec# it out,( they said, (and we$ll ta#e it from there. . .( 2ndeed. Chec# it out. 0ut when we finally arri!ed at the Bint Hotel my attorney was una"le to cope artfully with the registration procedure. 4e were forced to stand in line with all the others which pro!ed to "e extremely difficult under the circumstances. 2 #ept telling myself9 (0e &uiet, "e calm, say nothing. . . spea# only when spo#en to9 name, ran# and press affiliation, nothing else, ignore this terri"le drug, pretend it$s not happening. . .( There is no way to explain the terror 2 felt when 2 finally lunged up to the cler# and "egan "a""ling. All my well rehearsed lines fell apart under that woman$s stoney glare. (Hi there,( 2 said. (By name is. . . ah, +aoul 1u#e. . . yes, on the list! that$s for sure. Free lunch, final wisdom, total co!erage. . . why notG 2 ha!e my attorney with me and 2 realize of course that his name is not on the list, "ut we must ha!e that suite, yes, this man is actually my driver. 4e "rought this +ed Shar# all the way from the Strip and now it$s time for the desert, rightG Hes. Aust chec# the list and you$ll see. 1on$t worry. 4hat$s the score hereG 4hat$s nextG( The woman ne!er "lin#ed. (Hour room$s not ready yet,( she said. (0ut there$s some"ody loo#ing for you.( (NoI( 2 shouted. (4hyG 4e ha!en$t done anything yetI( By legs felt ru""ery. 2 gripped the des# and sagged toward her as she held out the en!elope, "ut 2 refused to accept it. The woman$s face was changing: swelling, pulsing. . . horri"le green %owls and fangs %utting out, the face of a Boray )elI 1eadly poisonI 2 lunged "ac#wards into my attorney, who gripped my arm as he reached out to ta#e the note. (2$ll handle this,( he said to the Boray woman. (This man has a "ad heart, "ut 2 ha!e plenty of medicine. By name is 1octor *onzo. .repare our suite at once. 4e$ll "e in the "ar.( The woman shrugged as he led me away. 2n a town full of "edroc# crazies, no"ody e!en notices an acid frea#. 4e struggled through the crowded lo""y and found two stools at the "ar. By attorney ordered two cu"a li"res with "eer and mescal on the side, then he opened the en!elope. (4ho$s /acerdaG( he as#ed. (He$s waiting for us in a room on the twelfth floor.( 2 couldn$t remem"er. /acerdaG The name rang a "ell, "ut 2 couldn$t concentrate. Terri"le things were happening all around us. +ight next to me a huge reptile was gnawing on a woman$s nec#, the carpet was a "lood soa#ed sponge impossi"le to wal# on it, no footing at all. (Crder some golf shoes,( 2 whispered. (Ctherwise, we$ll ne!er get out of this place ali!e. Hou notice these lizards don$t ha!e any trou"le mo!ing around in this muc# that$s "ecause they ha!e cla"s on their feet.( (/izardsG( he said. (2f you thin# we$re in trou"le now, wait till you see what$s happening in the ele!ators.( He too# off his 0razilian sunglasses and 2 could see he$d "een crying. (2 %ust went upstairs to see this man /acerda,( he said. (2 told him we #new what he was up to. He sa's he$s a photographer, "ut when 2 mentioned Sa!age Henry well, that did it' he frea#ed. 2 could see it in his eyes. He #nows we$re onto him.( (1oes he understand we ha!e magnumsG( 2 said. (No. 0ut 2 told him we had a Dincent 0lac# Shadow. That scared the piss out of him.( (*ood,( 2 said. (0ut what a"out our roomG And the golf shoesG 4e$re right in the middle of a fuc#ing reptile zooI And some"ody$s gi!ing boo?e to these goddamn thingsI 2t won$t "e long

364 "efore they tear us to shreds. Aesus, loo# at the floorI Ha!e you e!er seen so much "loodG How many ha!e they #illed alread'G( 2 pointed across the room to a group that seemed to "e staring at us. (Holy shit, loo# at that "unch o!er thereI They$!e spotted usI( (That$s the press ta"le,( he said. (That$s where you ha!e to sign in for our credentials. Shit, let$s get it o!er with. Hou handle that, and 2$ll get the room.( Ba,k $oor Beaut0. . . 7 #+nall0 a B+t o5 Ser+ous $ra* Ra,+n* on the Str+p Sometime around midnight my attorney wanted coffee. He had "een !omiting fairly regularly as we dro!e around the Strip, and the right flan# of the 4hale was "adly strea#ed. 4e were idling at a stoplight in front of the Sil!er Slipper "eside a "ig "lue Ford with C#lahoma plates. . . two hoggish loo#ing couples in the car, pro"a"ly cops from Bus#ogee using the 1rug Conference to gi!e their wi!es a loo# at Degas. They loo#ed li#e they$d %ust "eaten Caesar$s .alace for a"out L?? at the "lac#%ac# ta"les, and now they were headed for the Circus Circus to whoop it up. . . . . . "ut suddenly, they found themsel!es next to a white Cadillac con!erti"le all co!ered with !omit and a ?:: pound Samoan in a yellow fishnet T shirt yelling at them9 (Hey thereI Hou fol#s want to "uy some heroinG( No reply. No sign of recognition. They$d "een warned a"out this #ind of crap9 Aust ignore it. . . (Hey, hon#iesI( my attorney screamed. (*oddamnit, 2$m seriousI 2 want to sell you some pure fuc#in$ smackI( He was leaning out of the car, !ery, close to them. 0ut still no"ody answered. 2 glanced o!er, !ery "riefly, and saw four middle American faces frozen with shoc#, staring straight ahead. 4e were in the middle lane. A &uic# left turn would "e illegal. 4e would ha!e to go straight ahead when the light changed, then escape at the next corner. 2 waited, tapping the accelerator ner!ously. . . By attorney was losing control9 (Cheap heroinI( he was shouting. (This is the real stuffI Hou won$t get hoo#edI *od damnit, 2 kno" what 2 ha!e hereI( He whac#ed on the side of the car, as if to get their attention .. . "ut they wanted no part of us. (Hou fol#s ne!er tal#ed to a vet "eforeG( said my attorney. (2 %ust got "ac# from Deet Naam. This is scag! fol#sI .ure scagI( Suddenly the light changed and the Ford "olted off li#e a roc#et. 2 stomped on the accelerator and stayed right next to them for a"out two hundred yards, watching for cops in the mirror while my attorney #ept screaming at them9 (ShootI Fuc#I ScagI 0loodI HeroinI +apeI CheapI CommunistI Aa" it right into your fuc#ing eye"allsG( 4e were approaching the Circus Circus at high speed and the C#lahoma car was !eering left, trying to muscle into the turn lane. 2 stomped the 4hale into passing gear and we ran fender to fender for a moment. He wasn$t up to hitting me' there was horror in his eyes. . . The man in the "ac# seat lost control of himself. . . lunging across his wife and snarling wildly9 (Hou dirty "astardsI .ull o!er and 2$ll #ill youI *od damn youI Hou "astardsI( He seemed ready to leap out the window and into our car, crazy with rage. /uc#ily the Ford was a two door. He couldn$t get out. 4e were coming up to the next stoplight and the Ford was still trying to mo!e left. 4e were "oth running full "ore. 2 glanced o!er my shoulder and saw that we$d left other traffic far "ehind' there was a "ig opening to the right. So 2 mashed on the "ra#e, hurling my attorney against the dash"oard, and in the instant the Ford surged ahead 2 cut across his tail and zoomed into a side street. A sharp right turn across three lanes of traffic. 0ut it wor#ed. 4e left the Ford stalled in the middle of the intersection, hung in the middle of a screeching left turn. 4ith a little luc#, he$d "e

365 arrested for rec#less dri!ing. By attorney was laughing as we careened in low gear, with the lights out, through a dusty tangle of "ac# streets "ehind the 1esert 2nn. (Aesus Christ,( he said. (Those C#ies were getting excited. That guy in the "ac# seat was trying to bite meI Shit, he was frothing at the mouth.( He nodded solemnly. (2 should ha!e maced the fuc#er. . . a criminal psychotic, total "rea#down. . . you ne!er #now when they$re li#ely to explode.( 2 swung the 4hale into a turn that seemed to lead out of the maze "ut instead of s#idding, the "astard almost rolled. (Holy shitI( my attorney screamed. (Turn on the fuc#ing lightsI( He was clinging to the top of the windshield. . . and suddenly he was doing the 0ig Spit again, leaning o!er the side. 2 refused to slow down until 2 was sure no"ody was following us especially that C#lahoma Ford9 those people were definitely dangerous, at least until they calmed down. 4ould they report that terri"le &uic# encounter to the policeG .ro"a"ly not. 2t had happened too fast, with no witnesses, and the odds were pretty good that no"ody would "elie!e them anyway. The idea that two heroin pushers in a white Cadillac con!erti"le would "e dragging up and down the Strip, a"using total strangers at stoplights, was prima facie a"surd. Not e!en Sonny /isten e!er got that far out of control. 4e made another turn and almost rolled again. The Coupe de Dille is not your ideal machine for high speed cornering in residential neigh"orhoods. The handling is !ery mushy. . . unli#e the +ed Shar#, which had responded !ery nicely to situations re&uiring the &uic# four wheel drift. 0ut the 4hale instead of cutting loose at the critical moment had a tendency to dig in! which accounted for that sic#ening (here we go( sensation. At first 2 thought it was only "ecause the tires were soft, so 2 too# it into the Texaco station next to the Flamingo and had the tires pumped up to fifty pounds each which alarmed the attendant, until 2 explained that these were (experimental( tires. 0ut fifty pounds each didn$t help the cornering, so 2 went "ac# a few hours later and told him 2 wanted to try se!enty fi!e. He shoo# his head ner!ously. (Not me,( he said, handing me the air hose. (Here. They$re your tires. )ou do it.( (4hat$s wrongG( 2 as#ed. (Hou thin# they can$t take se!enty fi!eG( He nodded, mo!ing away as 2 stooped to deal with the left front. (Hou$re damn right,( he said, (Those tires want twenty eight in the front and thirty two in the rear. Hell, fifty$s dangerous! "ut se!enty fi!e is cra?' ## They$ll explodeI( 2 shoo# my head and #ept filling the left front. (2 told you,( 2 said. (Sandoz la"oratories designed these tires. They$re special. 2 could load them up to a hundred.( (*od almightyI( he groaned. (1on$t do that here.( (Not today,( 2 replied. (2 want to see how they corner with se!enty fi!e.( He chuc#led. (Hou won$t e!en get to the corner, Bister.( (4e$ll see,( 2 said, mo!ing around to the rear with the air hose. 2n truth, 2 was ner!ous. The two front ones were tighter than snare drums' they felt li#e tea# wood when 2 tapped on them with the rod. 0ut what the hellG 2 thought. 2f they explode, so whatG 2t$s not often that a man gets a chance to run terminal experiments on a !irgin Cadillac and four "rand new L>: tires. For all 2 #new, the thing might start cornering li#e a /otus )lan. 2f not, all 2 had to do was call the D2. agency and ha!e another one deli!ered. . . may"e threaten them with a lawsuit "ecause all four tires had exploded on me, while dri!ing in hea!y traffic. 1emand an )ldorado, next time, with four Bichelin Ts. And put it all on the card. . . charge it to the St. /ouis 0rowns. As it turned out, the 4hale "eha!ed !ery nicely with the altered tire pressures. The ride was a trifle rough' 2 could feel e!ery pe""le on the highway, li#e "eing on roller s#ates in a gra!el pit. . . "ut the thing "egan cornering in a !ery stylish manner, !ery much li#e dri!ing a motorcycle at top

366 speed in a hard rain9 one slip and PAN*, o!er the high side, cartwheeling across the landscape with your head in your hands. A"out thirty minutes after our "rush with the C#ies we pulled into an all night diner on the Tonopah highway, on the outs#irts of a mean scag ghetto called (North /as Degas.( 4hich is actually outside the city limits of Degas proper. North Degas is where you go when you$!e fuc#ed up once too often on the Strip, and when you$re not e!en welcome in the cut rate downtown places around Casino Center. This is Ne!ada$s answer to )ast St. /ouis a slum and a gra!eyard, last stop "efore permanent exile to )ly or 4innemuca. North Degas is where you go if you$re a hoo#er turning forty and the syndicate men on the Strip decide you$re no longer much good for "usiness out there with the high rollers. . . or if you$re a pimp with "ad credit at the Sands. . . or what they still call, in Degas, (a hophead.( This can mean almost anything from a mean drun# to a %un#ie, "ut in terms of commercial accepta"ility, it means you$re finished in all the right places. The "ig hotels and casinos pay a lot of muscle to ma#e sure the high rollers don$t ha!e e!en momentary hassles with (undesira"les.( Security in a place li#e Caesar$s .alace is super tense and strict. .ro"a"ly a third of the people on the floor at any gi!en time are either shills or watchdogs. .u"lic drun#s and #nown pic#poc#ets are dealt with instantly hustled out to the par#ing lot "y Secret Ser!ice type thugs and gi!en a &uic#, impersonal lecture a"out the cost of dental wor# and the difficulties of trying to ma#e a li!ing with two "ro#en arms. The (high side( of Degas is pro"a"ly the most closed society west of Sicily and it ma#es no difference, in terms of the day to day life style of the place, whether the Ban at the Top is /uc#y /uciano or Howard Hughes. 2n an economy where Tom Aones can ma#e L8<,::: a wee# for two shows a night at Caesar$s, the palace guard is indispensa"le, and they don$t care who signs their paychec#s. A gold mine li#e Degas "reeds its own army, li#e any other gold mine. Hired muscle tends to accumulate in fast layers around moneyJpower poles. . . and "ig money, in Degas, is synonymous with the .ower to protect it. So once you get "lac#listed on the Strip, for any reason at all, you either get out of town or retire to nurse your act along, on the cheap, in the shoddy lim"o of North Degas. . . out there with the gunsels, the hustlers, the drug cripples and all the other losers. North Degas, for instance, is where you go if you need to score smac# "efore midnight with no references. 0ut if you$re loo#ing for cocaine, and you$re ready up front with some "ills and the proper code words, you want to stay on the Strip and get next to a well connected hoo#er, which will ta#e at least one "ill for starters. And so much for all that. 4e didn$t fit the mold. There is no formula for finding yourself in Degas with a white Cadillac full of drugs and nothing to mix with properly. The Fillmore style ne!er &uite caught on here. .eople li#e Sinatra and 1ean Bartin are still considered (far out( in Degas. The (underground newspaper( here the /as Degas Free -ress is a cautious echo of The -eo&le*s %orld! or may"e the National (uardian. A wee# in Degas is li#e stum"ling into a Time 4arp, a regression to the late fifties. 4hich is wholly understanda"le when you see the people who come here, the 0ig Spenders from places li#e 1en!er and 1allas. Along with National )l#s Clu" con!entions Eno niggers allowedF and the All 4est Dolunteer Sheepherders$ +ally. These are people who go a"solutely crazy at the sight of an old hoo#er stripping down to her pasties and prancing out on the runway to the "ig "eat sound of a dozen <: year old %un#ies #ic#ing out the %ams on (Septem"er Song.( 2t was some time around three when we pulled into the par#ing lot of the North Degas diner. 2 was loo#ing for a copy of the /os Angeles Times! for news of the outside world, "ut a &uic# glance at the newspaper rac#s made a "ad %o#e of that notion. They don$t need the Times in North Degas. No news is good news.

367 (Fuc# newspapers,( said my attorney. (4hat we need right now is coffee.( 2 agreed, "ut 2 stole a copy of the Degas Sun anyway. 2t was yesterday$s edition, "ut 2 didn$t care. The idea of entering a coffee shop without a newspaper in my hands made me ner!ous. There was always the Sports Section' get wired on the "ase"all scores and pro foot"all rumors9 (0art Starr 0eaten "y Thugs in Chicago Ta!ern' .ac#ers See# Trade(. . . (Namath Muits Aets to "e *o!ernor of Ala"ama(. . . and a speculati!e piece on page ;= a"out a roo#ie sensation named Harrison Fire, out of *ram"ling9 runs the hundred in nine flat, ?;; pounds and still growing. (This man Fire has definite promise,( says the coach. (Hesterday, "efore practice, he destroyed a *reyhound 0us with his "are hands, and last night he #illed a su"way. He$s a natural for color TD. 2$m not one to play fa!orites, "ut it loo#s li#e we$ll ha!e to ma#e room for him.( 2ndeed. There is always room on TD for a man who can "eat people to %elly in nine flat. . . 0ut not many of these were gathered, on this night, in the North Star Coffee /ounge. 4e had the place to oursel!es which pro!ed to "e fortunate, "ecause we$d eaten two more pellets of mescaline on the way o!er, and the effects were "eginning to manifest. By attorney was no longer !omiting, or e!en acting sic#. He ordered coffee with the authority of a man long accustomed to &uic# ser!ice. The waitress had the appearance of a !ery old hoo#er who had finally found her place in life. She was definitely in charge here, and she eyed us with o"!ious disappro!al as we settled onto our stools. 2 wasn$t paying much attention. The North Star Coffee /ounge seemed li#e a fairly safe ha!en from our storms. There are some you go into in this line of wor# that you #now will "e hea!y. The details don$t matter. All you #now, for sure, is that your "rain starts humming with "rutal !i"es as you approach the front door. Something wild and e!il is a"out to happen' and it$s going to in!ol!e 'ou. 0ut there was nothing in the atmosphere of the North Star to put me on my guard. The waitress was passi!ely hostile, "ut 2 was accustomed to that. She was a "ig woman. Not fat, "ut large in e!ery way, long sinewy arms and a "rawler$s %aw"one. A "urned out caricature of Aane +ussell9 "ig head of dar# hair, face slashed with lipstic# and a ;> 1ou"le ) chest that was pro"a"ly spectacular a"out twenty years ago when she might ha!e "een a Bama for the Hell$s Angels chapter in 0erdoo. . . "ut now she was strapped up in a giant pin# elastic "rassiere that showed li#e a "andage through the sweaty white rayon of her uniform. .ro"a"ly she was married to some"ody, "ut 2 didn$t feel li#e speculating. All 2 wanted from her, tonight, was a cup of "lac# coffee and a @7^ ham"urger with pic#les and onions. No hassles, no tal# %ust a place to rest and re group. 2 wasn$t e!en hungry. By attorney had no newspaper or anything else to compel his attention. So he focused, out of "oredom, on the waitress. She was ta#ing our orders li#e a ro"ot when he punched through her crust with a demand for (two glasses of ice water with ice.( By attorney dran# his in one long gulp, then as#ed for another. 2 noticed that the waitress seemed tense. Fuc# it, 2 thought. 2 was reading the funnies. A"out ten minutes later, when she "rought the ham"urgers, 2 saw my attorney hand her a nap#in with something printed on it. He did it !ery casually, with no expression at all on his face. 0ut 2 #new, from the !i"es, that our peace was a"out to "e shattered. (4hat was thatG( 2 as#ed him. He shrugged, smiling !aguely at the waitress who was standing a"out ten feet away, at the end of the counter, #eeping her "ac# to us while she pondered the nap#in. Finally she turned and stared. . . then she stepped resolutely forward and tossed the nap#in at my attorney. (4hat is thisG( she snapped. (A nap#in,( said my attorney. There was a moment of nasty silence, then she "egan screaming9 (1on$t gi!e me that

368 "ullshitI 2 kno" what it meansI Hou goddamn fat pimp "astardI( By attorney pic#ed up the nap#in, loo#ed at what he$d written, then dropped it "ac# on the counter. (That$s the name of a horse 2 used to own,( he said calmly. (4hat$s "rong with youG( (Hou sonofa"itchI( she screamed. (2 ta#e a lot of shit in this space, "ut 2 sure as hell don$t ha!e to ta#e it off a s&ic &im&+" AesusI 2 thought. 4hat$s happeningG 2 was watching the woman$s hands, hoping she wouldn$t pic# up anything sharp or hea!y. 2 pic#ed up the nap#in and read what the "astard had printed on it, in careful red letters9 (0ac# 1oor 0eautyG( The Muestion mar# was emphasized. The woman was screaming again9 (.ay your "ill and get the hell outI Hou want me to call the copsG( 2 reached for my wallet, "ut my attorney was already on his feet, ne!er ta#ing his eyes off the woman. . . then he reached under his shirt, not into his poc#et, coming up suddenly with the *er"er Bini Bagnum, a nasty sil!er "lade which the waitress seemed to understand instantly. She froze9 her eyes fixed a"out six feet down the aisle and lifted the recei!er off the hoo# of the pay phone. He sliced it off, then "rought the recei!er "ac# to his stool and sat down. The waitress didn$t mo!e. 2 was stupid with shoc#, not #nowing whether to run or start laughing. (How much is that lemon meringue pieG( my attorney as#ed. His !oice was casual, as if he had %ust wandered into the place and was de"ating what to order. (Thirty fi!e centsI( the woman "lurted. Her eyes were turgid with fear, "ut her "rain was apparently functioning on some "asic motor sur!i!al le!el. By attorney laughed. (2 mean the "hole pie,( he said. She moaned. By attorney put a "ill on the counter. (/et$s say it$s fi!e dollars,( he said. (C,G( She nodded, still frozen, watching my attorney as he wal#ed around the counter and got the pie out of the display case. 2 prepared to lea!e. The waitress was clearly in shoc#. The sight of the "lade, %er#ed out in the heat of an argument, had apparently triggered "ad memories. The glazed loo# in her eyes said her throat had "een cut. She was still in the grip of paralysis when we left. Fear and 2oathing in 2as 5egas! +andom House, 678@

Last Tan*o +n Ve*as< #ear an- Loath+n* +n the "ear Roo3

PART I %uha33a- Al+ B+tes the Bullet, Leon Sp+nks Croaks a Le*en-. . . St+n* L+ke a Butter5l0, #loat L+ke a Bee. . . W+l- "otes o5 a We+r- Corner3an %hen 3*m gone! bo ing "ill be nothing again. The fans "ith the cigars and the hats turned do"n*ll be there! but no more house"ives and little men in the street and foreign &residents. 3t*s goin* to be back to the fighter "ho comes to to"n! smells a flo"er! visits a hos&ital! blo"s a horn and sa's he*s in sha&e. 1ld hat. < "as the onliest bo er in histor' &eo&le asked 9uestions like a senator. Buhammad Ali, 67=8

369 /ife had "een good to .at .atterson for so long that he$d almost forgotten what it was li#e to "e anything "ut a free riding, first class passenger on a flight near the top of the world. . . 2t is a long, long way from the frost"itten midnight streets around Chicago$s Clar# and 1i!ision to the deep rug hallways of the .ar# /ane Hotel on Central .ar# South in Banhattan. . . 0ut .atterson had made that trip in high style, with stops along the way in /ondon, .aris, Banila, ,inshasa, ,uala /umpur, To#yo and almost e!erywhere else in the world on that circuit where the menus list no prices and you need at least three pairs of L6:: sunglasses %ust to cope with the TD lights e!ery time you touch down at an airport for another frenzied press conference and then a tic#er tape parade along the route to the .residential .alace and another princely reception. That is Buhammad Ali$s world, an or"it so high, a circuit so fast and strong and with rarefied air so thin that only (The Champ,( (The *reatest,( and a few close friends ha!e unlimited "reathing rights. Any"ody who can sell this act for L< million an hour all o!er the world is wor#ing a !ein somewhere "etween magic and madness. . . And now, on this warm winter night in Banhattan, .at .atterson was not entirely sure which way the "alance was tipping. The main shoc# had come three wee#s ago in /as Degas, when he$d "een forced to sit passi!ely at ringside and watch the man whose life he would gladly ha!e gi!en his own to protect, under any other circumstances, ta#e a sa!age and wholly unexpected "eating in front of <::: screaming "anshees at the Hilton Hotel and something li#e =: million stunned spectators on nationalJnetwor# TD. The Champ was no longer The Champ9 a young "rute named /eon Spin#s had settled that matter, and not e!en Buhammad seemed to #now %ust exactly what that awful defeat would mean for himself or anyone else' not e!en for his new wife and children, or the handful of friends and ad!isers who$d "een wor#ing that high white !ein right "eside him for so long that they acted and felt li#e his family. 2t was definitely an odd lot, ranging from solemn 0lac# Buslims li#e Her"ert Buhammad, his manager to shrewd white hipsters li#e Harold Conrad, his executi!e spo#esman, and 2rish *ene ,ilroy, Ali$s !ersion of Hamilton Aordon9 a sort of all purpose administrati!e assistant, logistics manager and chief trou"leshooter. ,ilroy and Conrad are The Champ$s answer to Ham and Aody "ut mad dogs and wom"ats will roam the damp streets of 4ashington, "a""ling perfect Sha#espearean )nglish, "efore Aimmy Carter comes up with his !ersion of 1rew (0undini( 0rown, Ali$s alter ego and court wizard for so long now that he can$t really remem"er "eing anything else. Carter$s thin ice sense of humor would not support the weight of a zany friend li#e 0undini. 2t would not e!en support the far more discreet weight of a court %ester li#e A.F.,.$s 1a!e .owers, whose role in the 4hite House was much closer to 0undini 0rown$s deeply personal friendship with Ali than Aordan$s essentially political and decepti!ely hard nosed relationship with Aimmy. . . and e!en Hamilton seems to "e gaining weight "y geometric progressions these days, and the time may "e %ust a"out ripe for him to ha!e a chat with the Holy *host and come out as a ("orn again Christian.( That might ma#e the nut for a while at least through the 67>: reelection campaign "ut not e!en Aesus could sa!e Aordan from a fate worse than any hell he$d e!er imagined if Aimmy Carter wo#e up one morning and read in the %ashington -ost that Hamilton had pawned the *reat .residential Seal for L<:: in some fashiona"le *eorgetown hoc#shop. . . eyes for collateral. 2ndeed. . . and this twisted !ision would seem almost too "ent for print if 0undini hadn$t already raised at least the raw possi"ility of it "y once pawning Buhammad Ali$s (Hea!yweight Champion of the 4orld( gold 3 %ewel studded "elt for L<:: %ust an o!ernight loan from a friend, he said later' "ut the word got out and 0undini was "anished from The Family and the whole entourage for eighteen months when The Champ was told what he$d done. That heinous transgression is shrouded in a mix of %i!e shame and real "lac# humor at this point9 The Champ, after all, had once hurled his Clympic gold medal into the Chio +i!er, in a fit of pi&ue at some alleged racial insult in /ouis!ille and what was the difference "etween a gold medal and a %ewel studded "eltG They were "oth sym"ols of a (white de!il$s( world that Ali, if not 0undini, was already learning to treat with a !ery calculated measure of pu"lic disrespect. . . 4hat they

370 shared, far "eyond a !ery real friendship, was a shrewd #ind of street theater sense of how far out on that lim" they could go, without crashing. 0undini has always had a finer sense than anyone else in The Family a"out where The Champ "anted to go, the shifting winds of his instincts, and he has ne!er "een worried a"out things li#e /imits or Conse&uences. That was the pro!ince of others, li#e Conrad or Her"ert. 1rew 0. has always #nown exactly which side he was on, and so has CassiusJBuhammad. 0undini is the man who came up with (Float li#e a 0utterfly, Sting li#e a 0ee,( and e!er since then he has "een as close to "oth Cassius Clay and Buhammad Ali as anyone else in the world. .at .atterson, "y contrast, was a !irtual newcomer to The Family. A @:: pound, forty year old "lac# cop, he was a !eteran of the Chicago Dice S&uad "efore he hired on as Ali$s personal "odyguard. And, despite the total de!otion and relentless zeal he "rought to his responsi"ility for protecting The Champ at all times from an' #ind of danger, hassles or e!en minor incon!enience, six years on the %o" had caused him to understand, howe!er reluctantly, that there were at least a few people who could come and go as they pleased through the wall of a"solute security he was supposed to maintain around The Champ. 0undini and Conrad were two of these. They ha!e "een around for so long that they had once called the "oss (Cassius,( or e!en (Cash( while .atterson had ne!er addressed him as anything "ut (Buhammad,( or (Champ.( He had come a"oard at high tide, as it were, and e!en though he was now in charge of e!erything from carrying Ali$s money in a "ig roll of L6:: "ills to protecting his life with an e!er present chrome plated re!ol!er and the lethal fists and feet of a "lac# "elt with a license to #ill, it had always galled him a "it to #now that Buhammad$s capricious instincts and occasionally per!erse sense of humor made it certifia"ly impossi"le for an' one "odyguard, or e!en four! to protect him from danger in pu"lic. His moods were too unpredicta"le9 one minute he would "e in an almost catatonic fun#, crouched in the "ac# seat of a "lac# Cadillac limousine with an o!ercoat o!er his head and then, with no warning at all, he would suddenly "e out of the car at a red light somewhere in the 0ronx, playing stic#"all in the street with a gang of teenage %un#ies. .atterson had learned to deal with The Champ$s moods "ut he also #new that in any crowd around The *reatest there would "e at least a few who felt the same way a"out Ali as they had a"out Balcolm T or Bartin /uther ,ing. There was a time, shortly after his con!ersion to the 0lac# Buslim religion in the mid Sixties, when Ali seemed to emerge as a main spo#esman for what the Buslims were then perfecting as the State of the Art in racial paranoia which seemed a "it hea!y and not a little nai!e at the time, "ut which the 4hite 1e!ils mo!ed &uic#ly to %ustify. . . Hes. 0ut that is a !ery long story and we will get to it later. The only point we need to deal with right now is that Buhammad Ali somehow emerged from one of the meanest and most shameful ordeals any prominent American has e!er endured as one of the few real martyrs of that goddamn wretched war in Dietnam and a sort of instant fol# hero all o!er the world, except in the -.S.A. That would come later. . . The Spin#s disaster in Degas had "een a terri"le shoc# to The Family. They had all #nown it had to come sometime! "ut the scene had already "een set and the papers already signed for that (sometime( a L6= million purse and a mind "oggling, damn the cost tele!ision spectacle with Ali$s old nemesis ,en Norton as the 0ogyman, and one last #ing hell payday for ever'bod'. They were prepared, in the "ac# of their hearts, for that one "ut not for the cheap torpedo that "lew their whole ship out of the water in Degas for no payday at all. /eon Spin#s crippled a whole industry in one hour on that fateful 4ednesday e!ening in /as Degas The Muhammad Ali 3ndustr'! which has churned out roughly L<= million in o!er fifteen years and at least twice or three times that much for the people who #ept the "ig engine running all this time. E2t would ta#e 0ill 4alton 66@ years on an

371 annual N0A salary of L<::,::: to e&ual that figure.F < kne" it "as too close for comfort. 3 told him to sto& fooling around. $e "as giving u& too man' rounds. Aut 3 heard the decision and 3 thought! *%ell! "hat are 'ou going to do. That*s it. 3*ve &re&ared m'self for this da' for a long time. 3 conditioned m'self for it. 3 "as 'oung "ith him and no" 3 feel old "ith him.* Angelo 1undee, Ali*s trainer 1undee was not the only person who was feeling old with Buhammad Ali on that cold 4ednesday night in /as Degas. Somewhere around the middle of the fifteenth round a whole generation went o!er the hump as the last *reat .rince of the Sixties went out in a "lizzard of pain, shoc# and angry confusion so total that it was hard to e!en #now how to feel, much less what to say, when the thing was finally o!er. The last shot came %ust at the final "ell, when (Crazy /eon( whac#ed Ali with a sa!age o!erhand right that almost dropped The Champ in his trac#s and #illed the last glimmer of hope for the patented (miracle finish( that Angelo 1undee #new was his fighter$s only chance. As Buhammad wandered "ac# to his corner a"out six feet in front of me, the deal had clearly gone down. The decision was anticlimactic. /eon Spin#s, a twenty four year old "rawler from St. /ouis with only se!en professional fights on his record, was the new Hea!yweight 0oxing Champion of the 4orld. And the roar of the pro Spin#s crowd was the clearest message of all9 that uppity nigger from /ouis!ille had finally got what was coming to him. For fifteen long years he had moc#ed e!erything they all thought they stood for9 changing his name, dodging the draft, "eating the "est they could hurl at him. . . 0ut now, than# *od, they were seeing him finally go down. Six presidents ha!e li!ed in the 4hite House in the time of Buhammad Ali. 1wight )isenhower was still rapping golf "alls around the C!al Cffice when Cassius Clay Ar. won a gold medal for the -.S. as a light hea!y weight in the 67=: Clympics and then turned pro and won his first fight for money against a %ourneyman hea!yweight named Tunney Hunsa#er in /ouis!ille on Ccto"er @7th of that same year. /ess than four years later and almost three months to the day after Aohn Fitzgerald ,ennedy was murdered in 1allas, Cassius Clay the (/ouis!ille /ip( "y then made a permanent enemy of e!ery ("oxing expert( in the 4estern world "y "eating 4orld Hea!yweight Champion Sonny /iston, the meanest of the mean, so "adly that /iston refused to come out of his corner for the se!enth round. That was fourteen years ago. AesusI And it seems li#e fourteen months. 4hyG 0rain damage. The Real Stor0< A %e3o W+th "a+ls +n Both "ostr+ls. . . 10 Raoul $uke, Sports E-+tor This story is "adly "ogged down, and 2 thin# 2 #now the reason9 1r. Thompson has "een on it so long in the "elly of the "east, as it were that he has lost all functional contact with his sense of humor' and where 2 come from they call that condition (insanity.( 0ut there are a lot of high powered fools where 2 come from, and it$s "een a"out fifteen years since 2 too# any one of them seriously. . . And in fact it was Thompson himself who originally made that connection "etween humor and sanity' which changes nothing, "ecause we come from the same place from the elm shaded, white frame (Highlands( of /ouis!ille, ,entuc#y, a"out halfway "etween the Cassius Clay residence down on South Fourth Street and the homes of the men who originally launched Cassius Clay Ar. on his long wild ride on the *reat +oller Coaster of professional "oxing and paraprofessional show "usiness. They li!ed out in 2ndian Hills or on

372 Boc#ing"ird Dalley +oad near the /ouis!ille Country Clu", and they owned e!ery "an# in the city along with "oth newspapers, all the radio stations that white fol#s too# seriously, and at least half the ma%or distilleries and to"acco companies that funded the municipal tax "ase. They #new a good thing when they saw one, and in the year of our /ord 67=: the good thing they saw was an eighteen year old local Negro "oxer, a "ig, fast and impressi!ely intelligent young light hea!yweight named Cassius Clay Ar., who had %ust won a gold medal for the -.S.A. in the 67=: Clympics. . . So ten of these gents got together and made the "oy an offer he couldn$t refuse9 they were willing to ta#e a long ris# on him, they said, %ust as soon as he gained a few pounds and decided to fight professionally as the new morning star among hea!yweights. They would finance his mo!e for the title in a di!ision that Floyd .atterson and his crafty manager, Cus 1$Amato, had dominated for so long "y means of a new gimmic# #nown as (closed circuit TD( that a whole generation of what might ha!e "een promising young hea!yweight challengers had died on the !ine while they waited in line for a chance to fight .atterson, who didn$t reall' want to fight any"ody. Floyd was (The Champ( and he used that fact as le!erage as +ichard Nixon would later learn to retreat "ehind the odious truth that (2 am, you #now, The .resident.( 2ndeed. . . and they were "oth right for a while' "ut "ad #arma tends to generate its own #ind of poison, which li#e typhoid chic#ens and rotten "read cast out on the waters will usually come home to either roost, fester or mutate !ery close to its own point of origin. +ichard Nixon a"used #arma, chic#ens and e!en "read for so long that they all came home at once and totally destroyed him. . . And Floyd .atterson$s neurotic, anal compulsi!e reluctance to get into the ring with anything at all with two arms and legs under thirty was what e!entually created the !acuum that hatched Sonny /iston, an aging ex con who twice turned poor Floyd to %elly, %ust "y clim"ing into the ring. . . . Hot damnI 4e may "e approaching a heinous new record for mixed metaphors in this thing' the rats ha!e swarmed into the "elfry, and anything sane that sur!i!es will "e hurled out to sea and stomped down li#e a dwarf in a shitrain. . . 4hy notG 2t was ne!er my intention to ma#e any real sense of this memo. The Sports 1es# has ne!er lo!ed logic' mainly "ecause there is no money in it and pro sports without money is li#e a Dincent 0lac# Shadow with no gas. 1um" greed is the "ac#"one of all sports, except may"e college wrestling which may or may not "e a good 3 healthy thing for some people, in places li#e ,ansas and 2daho, "ut not here. Those #notty little monsters can write their own stories, and toss them in o!er the transom. . . 2f we ha!e enough room or may"e a "ad chec# for a half page ad from the Shotgun Ne"s or the (0illy 0eer( people, that$s when we$ll focus the whole twisted energy of the Sports 1es# on a college wrestling feature9
-TAH CHAB. 1+C*C .2NS TH+)) A+B)1 CC40CH FC+ 4)ST S/C.) T2T/) 2N N2N) HC-+ C/ASS2C

How$s that for a stylish headlineG 4ell. . . shuc#s' let$s try it again, from the other side of the fence9
C+2../)1 CC40CH CHA//)N*)+ FA//S SHC+T 2N BAT F2NA/S' AN*+H FANS BA-/ +)F AS BATCH )N1S' H-*) 1+C*C *A2NS S./2T 42N

AesusI 2 could get a %o" writing sports heads for the ,ail' Ne"s with that #ind of feel for the word count. . . +ight, with a "ig salary too, in the core of the 0ig Apple. . . 0ut that is not what we had in mind here, is itG

373 No. 4e were tal#ing of Sport, and 0ig Boney. 4hich gets us "ac# to pro "oxing, the most shameless rac#et of all. 2t is more a Spectacle than a Sport, one of the purest forms of ata!istic endea!or still extant in a world that only "ig time politicians feel a need to call (ci!ilized.( No"ody who has e!er sat in a front row, ringside seat less than six feet %ust "elow and away from the sic#ening thumps and crac#s and groans of two desperate, adrenaline crazed giants who are whipping and pounding each other li#e two pit "ulls in a death "attle will e!er forget what it felt li#e to "e there. No TD camera or any other #ind will e!er con!ey the almost four dimensional reality of total, frenzied !iolence of seeing, hearing and almost feeling the sudden 4HAC, of /eon Spin#s$ thinly padded fist against Buhammad Ali$s chee#"one so close in front of your own face that it is hard to #eep from flinching and trying to duc# "ac#ward while a whole row of L@:: a seat ringsiders right "ehind you are leaping and stomping and howling for more showers of flying sweat to fall down on them, more droplets of human "lood to rain down on the slee!es and tailored shoulders of their tan cashmere sport coats. . . and then, with /eon still pounding and the sweat and "lood still flying, some fist flailing gee# screaming o!er your shoulder loses his "alance and crac#s you "etween the shoulder "lades with a shot that sends you reeling into a cop hanging on to the ring apron who reacts with a !icious el"ow to your chest, and the next thing you see is shoes "ouncing inches in front of your face on a concrete floor. "The horror+ The horror+. . . 8 terminate all the brutes+" Bistah ,urtz said that "ut the smart money called him a %o#er. . . Ho, ho, good ole ,urtz, that .russian sense of humor will zing you e!ery time. 2 said that. 4e were sitting in a sauna at the health spa in the /as Degas Hilton me and my friend 0o" Arum, the sinister promoter when all of a sudden the redwood door swung open and in comes /eon Spin#s. (Hi there, /eon,( said Arum. /eon grinned and tossed his towel across the room at the sto!e full of hot roc#s. (4hat$s happenin$, %ew"oyG( he replied. (2 heard you was too stoned to "e foolin$ around down here with us health frea#s.( Arum turned "eet red and mo!ed off toward the corner. /eon laughed again, and reached for his teeth. (These damn things get hot,( he snarled. (4ho needs these goddamn teeth, anyway.( He turned to laugh at Arum again, and right then 2 saw my chance. 2 stood up in a sort of line"ac#er$s crouch and hoo#ed him hard in the ri"s. He fell "ac# on the hot roc#s and 2 hoo#ed him again. (C my *odI( Arum shrie#ed. (2 heard something "rea#I( /eon loo#ed up from where he was sitting on the duc# "oard floor, his face warped with pain. (4ell,( he said slowly, (now we #now you ain$t deaf, 0o".( He was leaning "ac# on "oth hands, wincing with e!ery "reath as he slowly raised his eyes to glare at me. (+eal smart friends you got, Arum,( he whispered, ("ut this one$s mine! now.( He winced again' e!ery "reath was painful and he spo#e !ery slowly. (Call my "rother Bichael,( he said to Arum. (Tell him to fix a hoo# on this hon#y "astard$s head and hang him up alongside the "ig "ag, for when 2 get well.( Arum was #neeling "eside him now, gently pro"ing his ri" cage. . . And it was %ust a"out then 2 felt myself wa#ing up' "ut instead of lying down in a "ed, 2 suddenly realized that something ugly had happened. By first thought was that 2$d passed out from the heat of the sauna9 indeed, a &uic# trip to the Near +oom and some dim memory of !iolence, "ut only as part of a dream. . . Cr. . . well. . . may"e not. As my head "egan to clear and Arum$s face came into focus his "eady eyes, his trem"ling hands, the sweat s&uirting out of his pores 2 realized that 2 was not lying down or coming out of a faint, "ut standing na#ed in the middle of a hot wooden cell and staring

374 down li#e a zom"ie at ye godsI it was /eon Spin#sI And 0o" Arum, his eyes "ulged out li#e a frog$s, was massaging /eon$s chest. 2 stared for a moment, then recoiled with shoc#. . . No, 2 thought, this can$t "e happeningI 0ut it was. 2 was wide awa#e now, and 2 #new this hideous thing was actually happening, right in front of my eyes. Arum was moaning and trem"ling, while his hands stro#ed the challenger$s chest. /eon was leaning "ac# with his eyes closed, his teeth clenched, and his whole "ody stiff as a corpse. Neither one of them seemed to notice my reco!ery from what was later diagnosed, "y the ner!ous hotel doctor, as nothing more than a mild Acid Flash"ac#. . . 0ut 2 didn$t learn that until later. H+*h R+sk on the Lo4 Roa-, "e4 Bo0 on )ueer Street. . . #+2e %+ll+on $ollars an Hour, #+2e %+les to the Ter3+nal Hotel. . . The $e2+l an- Pat Patterson. . . "o "+**er E2er Calle- %e H+pp+e. . . THE "EAR R!!% %hen he got in trouble in the ring! Ali imagined a door s"ung o&en and inside he could see neon! orange and green lights blinking! and bats blo"ing trum&ets and alligators &la'ing trombones! and he could hear snakes screaming. %eird masks and actors* clothes hung on the "all! and if he ste&&ed across the sill and reached for them! he kne" that he "as committing himself to destruction. *eorge .limpton, Shado" Ao 2t was almost midnight when .at .atterson got off the ele!ator and headed down the corridor toward 7:<, his room right next door to The Champ$s. They had flown in from Chicago a few hours earlier and Buhammad had said he was tired and felt li#e sleeping. No midnight strolls down the "loc# to the .laza fountain, he promised, no wandering around the hotel or causing a scene in the lo""y. 0eautiful, thought .atterson. No worries tonight. 4ith Buhammad in "ed and Deronica there to watch o!er him, .at felt things were under control and he might e!en ha!e time for a "it of refreshment downstairs, and then get a decent night$s sleep for himself. The only concei!a"le pro"lem was the !olatile presence of 0undini and a friend, who had dropped "y around ten for a chat with The Champ a"out his run for the Triple Crown. The family had "een in a state of collecti!e shoc# for two wee#s or so after Degas, "ut now it was the first wee# in Barch and they were eager to get the "ig engine cran#ed up for the return "out with Spin#s in Septem"er. No contracts had "een signed yet, and e!ery sports writer in New Hor# seemed to "e on the ta#e from either ,en Norton or 1on ,ing or "oth. . . 0ut none of that mattered, said Ali, "ecause he and /eon had already agreed on the rematch, and "y the end of this year he would "e the first man in history to win the Hea!yweight Championship of the 4orld TH+)) T2B)S. .atterson had left them whooping and laughing at each other, "ut only after securing a promise from Hal Conrad that he and 0undini lea!e early and let The Champ sleep. They were scheduled to tape a show with 1ic# Ca!ett the next day, then dri!e for three or four hours up into the mountains of eastern .ennsyl!ania to Ali$s custom "uilt training camp at 1eer /a#e. ,ilroy was getting the place ready for what .atterson and all the rest of The Family understood was going to "e some !ery serious use. Ali had announced almost immediately after losing to Spin#s in Degas any tal# of his (retiring from the ring was nonsense,( and that soon he$d "egin training for his rematch with /eon. So the fat was in the fire9 a second loss to Spin#s would "e e!en worse than the first the end of the line for Ali, The Family, and in fact the whole Ali industry. No more paydays, no more

375 limousines, no more suites and cra" coc#tails from room ser!ice in the world$s most expensi!e hotels. For .at .atterson and a lot of other people, another defeat "y Spin#s would mean the end of a whole way of life. . . And, worse yet, the first wa!e of pu"lic reaction to Ali$s (come"ac#( announcement had "een anything "ut reassuring. An otherwise sympathetic story in the 21S Angeles Times descri"ed the almost uni!ersal reaction of the sporting press9 (There were smiles and a sha#ing of hands all around when the thirty six year old ex champion said after the fight last 4ednesday night9 $2$ll "e "ac#. 2$ll "e the first man to win the hea!yweight title three times.$ 0ut no one laughed out loud.( A touch of this doomsday thin#ing had e!en showed up in The Family. 1r. Ferdie .acheco, who had "een in The Champ$s corner for e!ery fight since he first won the title from /iston except the last one had gone on the Tom Snyder show and said that Buhammad was finished as a fighter, that he was a shadow of his former self, and that he E.achecoF had done e!erything "ut "eg Ali to retire e!en before the Spin#s fight. .acheco had already "een expelled from The Family for this heresy, "ut it had planted a seed of dou"t that was hard to ignore. (The 1oc( was no &uac# and he was also a personal friend' did he #now something the others didn$tG 4as it e!en &ossible that The Champ was (washed up(G There was no way to thin# that "y loo#ing at him, or listening to him either. He loo#ed sharp, tal#ed sharp, and there was a calmness, a #ind of muted intensity, in his confidence that made it sound almost understated. .at .atterson "elie!ed or if he didn$t, there was no way that e!en The Champ could guess it. The loyalty of those close to Buhammad Ali is so profound that it sometimes clouds their own !ision. . . 0ut /eon Spin#s had swept those clouds away, and now it was time to get serious. No more show "usiness, no more clowning. Now they had come to the crunch. .at .atterson had tried not to "rood on these things, "ut e!ery newspaper rac# he$d come close to in Chicago, New Hor# or anywhere else seemed to echo the "aying of hounds on a "lood scent. )!ery media !oice in the country was poised for ultimate re!enge on this -ppity Nigger who had laughed in their faces for so long that a whole generation of sportswriters had grown up in the shadow of a moc#ing dancing presence that most of them had ne!er half understood until now, when it seemed almost gone. )!en the rematch with Spin#s was "ogged down in the arcane politics of "ig money "oxing and .at .atterson, li#e all the others who had geared their li!es to the fortunes of Buhammad Ali, understood that the rematch would ha!e to "e soon. Dery soon. And The Champ would ha!e to "e read' this time as he had not "een ready in Degas. There was no a!oiding the memory of Sonny /iston$s grim fate, after losing again to Ali in a fight that con!inced e!en the (experts.( 0ut Buhammad Ali was no /iston. There was magic in his head, as well as his fists and his feet "ut time was not on his side, this time, and the only thing more important than slashing the *ordian ,not of "oxing industry politics that was already menacing the reality of a &uic# rematch with Spin#s was the a"solute necessity of ma#ing sure that The Champ would ta#e this next fight as seriously as it was clearly going to "e. A whole industry would "e up for gra"s not to mention the fate of The Family and the "izarre scenes of chaos and wild scram"ling for position that had followed Spin#s$ first shoc#ing upset would not "e repeated if Ali lost the rematch. Nobod' was ready for Spin#s$ stunning !ictory in Degas, "ut e!ery power frea# and le!erage monger with any real life connection to "oxing would "e ready to go either way on this next one. There would "e no more of this low rent political "ullshit a"out (recognition( "y the 4orld 0oxing Council E40CF or the 4orld 0oxing Association E40AF if Ali lost the rematch with /eon and no more "ig money fights for Buhammad Ali, either. They would all "e pushed o!er the "rin# that was already %ust a few steps in front of them and no (come"ac#( would "e li#ely, or e!en possi"le. These things were among the dar# shadows that .at .atterson would rather not ha!e "een

376 thin#ing a"out on that night in Banhattan as he wal#ed down the corridor to his room in the .ar# /ane Hotel. The Champ had already con!inced him that he would indeed "e the first man in history to win the first Triple Crown in the history of hea!yweight "oxing and .at .atterson was far from alone in his con!iction that /eon Spin#s would "e easy prey, next time, for a Buhammad Ali in top condition "oth mentally and physically. Spin#s was !ulnera"le9 the same crazyJmean style that made him dangerous also made him easy to hit. His hands were surprisingly fast, "ut his feet were as slow as Aoe Frazier$s and it was only the crafty coaching of his trainer, the ancient Sam Solomon, that had gi!en him the early fi!e round edge in /as Degas that Ali had refused to understand until he was so far "ehind that his only hope was a "lazing last minute assault and a #noc#out or at least a few #noc#downs that he was too tired, in the end, to deli!er. /eon was dead on his feet in that sa!age fifteenth round "ut so was Buhammad Ali, and that$s why Spin#s won the fight. . . Hes. . . "ut that is no special secret and there will "e plenty of time to deal with those &uestions of ego and strategy later on in this saga, if in fact we e!er get there. The sun is up, the peacoc#s are screaming with lust, and this story is so far off the game plan that no hope of sal!age exists at this time or at least nothing less than a sweeping, all points in%unction "y Audge Crater, who maintains an unlisted num"er so pri!ate that not e!en 0o" Arum can reach him on short notice. So we are left with the unhurried !ision of .at .atterson finally reaching the door of his room, num"er 7:< in the .ar# /ane Hotel in Banhattan and %ust as he pulls the room #ey out of his poc#et on the way to a good night$s sleep, his "ody goes suddenly stiff as he pic#s up the sound of raucous laughter and strange !oices in room num"er 7:;. 4eird sounds from The Champ$s suite. . . 2mpossi"le, "ut .at .atterson kno"s he$s stone so"er and nowhere near deaf, so he drops his #ey "ac# in his poc#et and mo!es one step down the hallway, listening carefully now to these sounds he hopes are not really there. . . Hallucinations, "ad ner!es, almost anything "ut the sound of a totally un#nown !oice and the !oice of a (white de!il,( no dou"t a"out that from the room where Ali and Deronica are supposed to "e sleeping peacefully. 0undini and Conrad had "oth promised to "e gone at least an hour ago. . . 0ut, noI Not this9 not 0undini and Conrad and the voice of some stranger! too: along with the unmista#a"le sound of laughter from "oth The Champ and his wife. . . Not no"! %ust when things were getting close to intolera"ly serious. 4hat was the meaingG .at .atterson #new what he had to do9 he planted "oth feet in the rug in front of 7:; and knocked. 4hate!er was going on would ha!e to "e cut short at once, and it was his %o" to do the cutting e!en if he had to get rude with 0undini and Conrad. 4ell. . . this next scene is so strange that not e!en the people who were part of it can recount exactly what happened. . . "ut it went more or less li#e this9 0undini and 2 had %ust emerged from a strategy conference in the "athroom when we heard the sudden sound of #noc#ing on the door. 0undini wa!ed us all into silence as Conrad slouched ner!ously against the wall "elow the "ig window that loo#ed out on the snow co!ered wasteland of Central .ar#' Deronica was sitting fully clothed on the #ing size "ed right next to Ali, who was stretched out and relaxed with the co!ers pulled up to his waist, wearing nothing at all except. . . 4ell, let$s ta#e it again from .at .atterson$s !iew from the doorway, when 0undini answered his #noc#9 The first thing he saw when the door opened was a white stranger with a can of "eer in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, sitting cross legged on the "ureau that faced The Champ$s "ed a "ad omen for sure and a thing to "e dealt with at once at this ominous point in time' "ut the next thing .at .atterson saw turned his face into spastic wax and caused his "ody to leap straight "ac# toward the doorway li#e he$d %ust "een struc# "y lightning. His professional "odyguard$s eyes had fixed on me %ust long enough to "e sure 2 was passi!e

377 and with "oth hands harmlessly occupied for at least the few seconds it would ta#e him to sweep the rest of the room and see what was wrong with his Fi!e Billion 1ollars an hour responsi"ility. . . and 2 could tell "y the way he mo!ed into the room and the loo# on his face that 2 was suddenly "ac# at that point where any mo!ement at all or e!en the "lin# of an eye could change my life fore!er. 0ut 2 also #new what was coming and 2 recall a split second of real fear as .at .atterson$s drop forged glance swept past me and o!er to the "ed to Deronica and the inert lump that lay under the sheets right "eside her. For an instant that frightened us all, the room was electric with a"solute silence and then the "ed seemed to literally explode as the sheets leaped away and a huge "ody with the hairy red face of the 1e!il himself leaped up li#e some %ac# in the "ox out of hell and uttered a wild cry that %olted us all and sent such an o"!ious shoc# through .at .atterson that he leaped "ac#ward and shot out "oth el"ows li#e ,areem coming down with a re"ound. . . Rolling Stone! ; @=;, Bay ;, 678>

Last Tan*o +n Ve*as< #ear an- Loath+n* +n the #ar Roo3

PART II W+l- Ra2+n*s o5 an Auto*raph Houn-. . . A Threat o5 Pu1l+, %a-ness. . . the Pant0hose Press Con5eren,e 2 waited until 2 was sure the Buhammad Ali party was well off the plane and up the ramp "efore 2 finally stood and mo!ed up the aisle, fixing the stewardess at the door with a "lind stare from "ehind two mirror lenses so dar# that 2 could "arely see to wal# "ut not so dar# that 2 failed to notice a touch of moc#ery in her smile as 2 nodded and stepped past her. (*ood"ye, sir,( she chirped. (2 hope you got an interesting story.( )ou nast' little bitch+ 3 ho&e 'our ne t flight crashes in a cannibal countr'. . . 0ut 2 #ept this thought to myself as 2 laughed "itterly and stomped up the empty tunnel to a "an# of pay phones, in the concourse. 2t was New Hor#$s /a *uardia airport, around eight thirty on a warm Sunday night in the first wee# of Barch, and 2 had %ust flown in from Chicago supposedly (with the Buhammad Ali party.( 0ut things had not wor#ed out that way and my temper was ho!ering dangerously on the far edge of control as 2 listened to the sound of no"ody answering the phone in Hal Conrad$s 4est Side apartment. . . That s"ine+ That treacherous l'ing bastard+ 4e were almost to the ten ring limit, that point where 2 #new 2$d start pounding on things unless 2 hung up &uic#ly "efore we got to ele!en. . . when suddenly a !oice sounding almost as angry as 2 felt came "ooming o!er the line. (Heah, yeah, what is itG( Conrad snapped. (2$m in a hell of a hurry. AesusI 2 was %ust a"out into the ele!ator when 2 had to come "ac# and answer this goddamn ( (HC- C+APH 0ASTA+1I( 2 screamed, cutting into his gra!elly mum"ling as 2 slammed my hand down on the tin counter and saw a woman using the phone next to me %ump li#e a rat had %ust run up her leg. (2t$s me! HaroldI( 2 shouted. (2$m out here at /a *uardia and my whole story$s fuc#ed and %ust as soon as 2 find all my "aggage 2$m going to get a ca" and trac# you down and slit your goddamn throatI( "%ait a minuteI( he said. (4hat the hell is wrongG 4here$s AliG Not with 'ou." (Are you #iddingG( 2 snarled. (That crazy "astard didn$t e!en #now who 2 was when 2 met

378 him Chicago. 2 made a *C11ABN FCC/ CF BHS)/F, HaroldI He loo#ed at me li#e 2 was some #ind of autogra&h hound+" (NoI( said Conrad. (2 told him all a"out you that you were a good friend of mine and you$d "e on the flight with him from Chicago. He was e &ecting you.( (0ullshitI( 2 yelled. (Hou told me he$d "e tra!eling alone, too. . . So 2 stayed up all night and "usted my ass to get a first class seat on that Continental flight that 2 #new he$d "e catching at C$Hare' then 2 got e!erything arranged with the flight crew "etween 1en!er and Chicago, ma#ing sure they "loc#ed off the first two seats so we could sit together. . . Aesus, Harold,( 2 muttered, suddenly feeling !ery tired, (what #ind of sic# instinct would cause you to do a thing li#e this to meG( (4here the hell is AliG( Conrad shouted, ignoring my &uestion. (2 sent a car out to pic# you up, both of youI( (Hou mean all of us,( 2 said. (His wife was with him, along with .at .atterson and may"e a few others 2 couldn$t tell, "ut it wouldn$t ha!e made any difference' they all loo#ed at me li#e 2 was weird' some #ind of psycho trying to muscle into the act, "a""ling a"out sitting in Deronica$s seat. . .( (That$s impossi"le,( Conrad snapped. (He #new ( (4ell, 2 guess he forgotI( 2 shouted, feeling my temper ro!ing out on the edge again. (Are we tal#ing a"out brain damage! HaroldG Are you saying he has no memor'." He hesitated %ust long enough to let me smile for the first time all day. (This could "e an ugl' story, Harold,( 2 said. (Ali is so punch drun# that his memory$s all scram"ledG Bay"e they should lift his license, ehG $Heah, let$s croa# all this tal# a"out come"ac#s, 1um"o. Hour memory$s fuc#ed, you$re on &ueer street and "y the way, Champ, what are your %o" prospectsG$( (Hou son of a "itch,( Conrad muttered. (C#ay. To hell with all this "ullshit. Aust get a ca" and meet us at the .laza. 2 should ha!e "een there a half hour ago.( (2 thought you had us all "oo#ed into the .ar# /ane,( 2 said. (*et mo!ing and don$t worry a"out it,( he croa#ed. (2$ll meet you at the .laza. 1on$t waste any time.( (4HATG( 2 screamed. (4hat am 2 doing right no". 2 ha!e a Frida' deadline! Harold, and this is SundayI Hou call me in the middle of the goddamn night in Colorado and tell me to get on the first plane to Chicago "ecause Buhammad Ali has all of a sudden decided he wants to tal# to me after all that lame "ullshit in Degas so 2 ta#e the insane ris# of dumping my whole story in a parachute "ag and flying off on a @::: mile frea#out right in the middle of a deadline crunch to meet a man in Chicago who treats me li#e a wino when 2 finally get there. . . And now you$re tal#ing to me! you pigfuc#er, a"out 4AST2N* T2B)G( 2 was ra!ing at the top of my lungs now, drawing stares from e!ery direction so 2 tried to calm down' no need to get "usted for pu"lic madness in the airport, 2 thought' "ut 2 was also in New Hor# with no story and no place to wor# and only fi!e days away from a clearly impossi"le deadline, and now Conrad was telling me that my long o!erdue tal# with Ali had once again (gone wrong.( (Aust get in a ca" and meet me at the .laza,( he was saying. (2$ll pull this mess together, don$t worry. . .( (4ell. . .( 2 said. (2$m already here in New Hor# and 2 definitely "ant to see 'ou! Harold so yeah, 2$ll "e there. 0ut ( 2 paused for a moment, fascinated "y a scene that was suddenly running !ery !i!idly "ehind my eye"alls as 2 stood there at the pay phone in the concourse ( let me tell you what 2$m going to do at noon tomorrow, if you don*t pull this mess together.( (Not now,( he said. (2 ha!e to get going ( (/istenI( 2 yelled. (2 want you to understand this, Harold, "ecause it could do serious things to your image.( Silence.

379 (4hat 2 plan to do when 2 wa#e up in the .laza at exactly ele!en o$cloc# tomorrow morning,( 2 said calmly, (is ha!e a few 0loody Barys and then go down to the hotel drugstore and "uy some of those sheer pantyhose, along with a "lac# wig and some shades li#e yours, Harold. . . Then 2$ll go "ac# up to my room and call the ,ail' Ne"s to say they should ha!e a photographer at the .laza fountain exactly at noon for a press conference with Ali and 0o" Arum. . . and, yes that my name is Hal Conrad, the well #nown "oxing wizard and executi!e spo#esman for Buhammad Ali.( (And then! Harold,( 2 continued, (exactly at noon 2 will lea!e my room in the .laza, wearing nothing "ut a pair of sheer pantyhose and a wig and "lac# shades. . . and 2 will ta#e the ele!ator down to the lo""y and stroll !ery casually outside and across the street and clim" into the -la?a fountain! wa!ing a "ottle of Fernet 0ranca in one hand and a %oint in the other. . . And 2$ll "e SC+)AB2N*, Harold, at any"ody who gets in my way or e!en stops to stare.( (0ullshitI( he snapped. (Hou$ll get yourself loc#ed up.( (No,( 2 said. (2$ll get 'ou loc#ed up. 4hen they gra" me 2$ll say 2$m Hal Conrad and all 2 wanted to do was get things organized for the upcoming Ali Arum press conference and then you$ll ha!e a new picture for your scrap"oo#, a frontpage shot in the Ne"s of $famous "oxing wizard Harold Conrad.$ ( 2 suddenly saw the whole scene in that mo!ie "ehind my eyes. 2 would intimidate any"ody in the ele!ator "y ra!ing and screeching at them a"out things li#e "the broken s&irit" and "fi ers "ho steal clothes from the &oor." That, followed "y an out"urst of deranged weeping, would get me down to the lo""y where 2 would &uic#ly get a grip and start introducing myself to e!ery"ody within reach and in!iting them all to the press conference in the fountain. . . and then, when 2 finally clim"ed into the water and too# a real stance for the noonJlunch crowd, 2 could hear myself screeching, (Cast out DAN2THI /oo# at me 2$m not DA2NI By name is Hal Conrad and 2 feel "onderful+ 2$m &roud to wear pantyhose in the streets of New Hor# and so is Muhammad Ali. HesI He$ll "e here in %ust a few moments, and he$ll "e dressed 4ust like me. And Aob Arum tooI( 2 would shrie#, (He$s not ashamed to wear pantyhose.( The crowd would not "e comforta"le with this gig' there was not much dou"t a"out that. A na#ed man in the streets is one thing, "ut the sight of the recently dethroned Hea!yweight Champion of the 4orld parading around in the fountain, wearing nothing "ut sheer pantyhose, was too weird to tolerate. 0oxing was "ad enough as it was, and wrestling was worse9 "ut not e!en a mo" of New Hor#ers could handle such a nasty spectacle as this. They would "e ripping up the pa!ing stones "y the time the police arri!ed. (Stop threatening me, you drunken freak+" Conrad shouted. (Aust get in a ca" and meet me at the .laza. 2$ll ha!e e!erything under control "y the time you get there we$ll go up to his room and tal# there." 2 shrugged and hung up the phone. 4hy notG 2 thought. 2t was too late to catch a turnaround flight "ac# to Colorado, so 2 might as well chec# into the .laza and get rid of another credit card, along with another friend. Conrad was tr'ing: 2 #new that "ut 2 also #new that this time he was grasping at straws, "ecause we "oth understood the deep and decepti!ely narrow loo#ing moat that eighteen years of cele"rity forced Ali to dig "etween his (pu"lic( and his (pri!ate( personas. 2t is more li#e a ring of moats than %ust one, and Ali has learned the su"tler art of ma#ing each one seem li#e the last great leap "etween the intruder and himself. . . 0ut there is always one more moat to get across, and not many curious strangers ha!e e!er made it that far. Some people will settle happily for a smile and %o#e in a hotel lo""y, and others will insist on crossing two or e!en three of his moats "efore they feel comforta"ly (pri!ate( with The Champ. . . 0ut !ery few people understand how many rings there really are9 By own &uic# guess would "e Nine' "ut Ali$s &uic# mind and his instinct for pu"lic relations can easily ma#e the third moat seem li#e the ninth' and this world is full of sporting %ournalists who

380 ne!er realized where they were until the same (pri!ate thoughts( and (spontaneous "its of elo&uence( they had wor#ed so desperately to glean from The Champ in some rare flash of personal communication that none other would e!er share, appeared word for word, in cold "lac# type, under some"ody else$s "yline. This is not a man who needs hired pros and wizards to spea# for him' "ut he has learned how to use them so s#illfully that he can sa!e himself for the rare moments of confrontation that interest him. . . 4hich are few and far "etween, "ut any"ody who has e!er met Buhammad Ali on that le!el will ne!er forget it. He has a !ery lonely sense of humor, and a sense of himself so firmly entrenched that it seems to ho!er, at times, in that ner!ous lim"o "etween )gomania and genuine 2n!ulnera"ility. There is not much difference in his mind "etween a challenge inside the ring, with Aoe Frazier, or in a TD studio with 1ic# Ca!ett. He honestly "elie!es he can handle it all' and he has almost two decades of e!idence to "ac# him up, at this point' so it ta#es a rare sense of challenge to get him cran#ed up. He had coped with e!erything from the 4hite Hea!ies of /ouis!ille to Sonny /iston and the 4ar in Dietnam' from the hostility of old white draft "oards to the sullen enigma of the 0lac# Buslims' from the genuine menace of Aoe Frazier to the puzzling threat of ,en Norton. . . and he has "eaten e!ery person or thing that *od or e!en Allah e!er put in his way except perhaps Aoe Frazier and the )ternal Bystery of 4omen. . . And now, as my ca" mo!ed %er#ily through the snow "lac# streets of 0roo#lyn toward the .laza Hotel, 2 was "rooding on Conrad$s deranged plot that 2 felt would almost certainly cause me another nightmare of professional grief and personal humiliation. 2 felt li#e a rape !ictim on the way to a discussion with the rapist on the Aohnny Carson show. Not e!en Hal Conrad$s fine sense of reality could ta#e me past Boat K< which would not "e enough, "ecause 2$d made it clear from the start that 2 was not especially interested in anything short of at least K8 or >. 4hich struc# me as far enough, for my purposes, "ecause 2 understood K7 well enough to #now that if Buhammad was as smart as 2 thought he was, 2 would ne!er see or e!en smell that last moat. 4ilfrid Sheed, an elegant writer who wrote a whole "oo# titled Muhammad Ali without e!er crossing the sixth or se!enth moat, much less the ninth, has descri"ed that misty "attlefield far "etter than 2 can. . . "ut he was &aid a lot "etter, too, which tends to "ring a certain "alance to situations that would otherwise "e intolera"le. 2n any case, here is Sheed recounting the agonies of merely trying to tal# to the su"%ect of his twenty dollar per copy "oo#9 (. . . Ali mo!es so fast that he e!en outruns his own people, and no one seems to #now for sure where he is. 2 am a"out to head for his training camp in the .oconos one more time when word arri!es that he has "ro#en camp for good. 4hatG 4hereG +umors of his comings and goings suddenly ri!al .atty Hearst$s. His promoters say he$s in Cle!eland, and the Times says he$s in New Hor#, sparring at the Felt Forum, "ut he hasn$t "een seen at either place. 2t is a game he plays with the world9 dancing out of range, then suddenly stic#ing out his face and pulling it "ac# again. . . (Beanwhile, his elusi!eness is a"etted "y one of the cagiest inner circles since Cardinal +ichelieu. An'one can see him pu"licly 2 thin# it is his secret wish to "e seen "y e!ery man, woman and child on the planet earth "ut to see him pri!ately is harder than getting a !isa from the Chinese )m"assy.( 4ell. . . 2 ha!e "eat on "oth those doors in my time, meeting with failure and frustration on "oth fronts' "ut 2 ha!e a feeling that Sheed ne!er properly understood the im&ortance of s&eaking /hinese. Cr at least ha!ing the right interpreter' and not many of these are attached to either Buhammad Ali or the Chinese )m"assy. . . 0ut in Ali$s case, 2 did, after all, ha!e my old "uddy Hal

381 Conrad, whose delicate function as Buhammad$s not &uite official interpreter with the world of white media 2 was %ust "eginning to understand. . . 2 ha!e #nown Conrad since 67=@, when 2 met him in /as Degas at the second /iston .atterson fight. He was handling the press and pu"licity for that cruel oddity, and 2 was the youngest and most ignorant (sportswriter( e!er accredited to co!er a hea!yweight championship fight. . . 0ut Conrad, who had total control of all access to ever'thing! went out of his way to o!erloo# my ner!ous ignorance and my total lac# of expense money including me along with all ("ig names( for things li#e press parties, inter!iews with the fighters and a"o!e all, the awesome spectacle of Sonny /iston wor#ing out on the "ig "ag, to the tune of (Night Train,( at his crowded and carpeted "ase camp in the Thunder"ird Hotel. . . As the song mo!ed louder and hea!ier toward a climax of "ig "and, roc# 3 roll frenzy, /iston would step into the @:: pound "ag and hoo# it straight u& in the air where it would hang for one long and terrifying instant, "efore it fell "ac# into place at the end of a one inch logging chain with a !icious C/AN* and a %er# that would sha#e the whole room. 2 watched Sonny wor# put on that "ag e!ery afternoon for a wee# or so, or at least long enough to thin# he had to "e at least nine feet tall. . . until one e!ening a day or so prior to the fight when 2 literally "umped into /isten, and his two huge "odyguards at the door of the Thunder"ird Casino, and 2 didn$t e!en recognize The Champ for a moment "ecause he was only a"out six feet tall and with nothing "ut the dull, fixed stare in his eyes to ma#e him seem different from all the other richJmean niggers a man could "ump into around the Thunder"ird that wee#. So now, on this %angled Sunday night in New Hor# more than fifteen years and <<,::: oli!e dra" tom"stones from Baine to California since 2 first realized that Sonny /iston was three inches shorter than me it was all coming together, or may"e coming apart once again, as my ca" approached the .laza and another wholly unpredicta"le "ut pro"a"ly doomed and dum" encounter with the world of 0ig Time 0oxing. 2 had stopped for a six pac# of 0allantine Ale on the way in from the airport, and 2 also had a &uart of Cld Fitzgerald that 2$d "rought with me from home. By mood was ugly and cynical, tailored !ery carefully on the long dri!e through 0roo#lyn to match my lac# of expectations with regard to anything Conrad might ha!e tried to (set up( with Ali. M' "a' of 4oking is to tell the truth. That*s the funniest 4oke in the "orld. Buhammad Ali 2ndeed. . . And that is also as fine a definition of (*onzo Aournalism( as anything 2$!e e!er heard, for good or ill. 0ut 2 was in no mood for %o#ing when my ca" pulled up to the .laza that night. 2 was half drun#, fully cran#ed, and pissed off at e!erything that mo!ed. By only real plan was to get past this ordeal that Conrad was supposedly organizing with Ali, then retire in shame to my eighty eight dollar a night "ed and deal with Conrad tomorrow. 0ut this world does not wor# on (real plans( mine or anyone else$s so 2 was not especially surprised when a total stranger wearing a serious "lac# o!ercoat laid a hand on my shoulder as 2 was ha!ing my "ags carried into the .laza9 (1octor ThompsonG( he said. (4hatG( 2 spun away and glared at him %ust long enough to #now there was no point in denying it. . . He had the loo# of a rich underta#er who had once "een the /ight Hea!yweight #arate champion of the 2talian Na!y' a ver' 9uiet presence that was far too hea!y for a cop. . . He was on m' side. And he seemed to understand my "ad ner!ous condition' "efore 2 could as# anything, he was already pic#ing up my "ags and saying with a smile as uncomforta"le as my own9 (4e$re going to the .ar# /ane' Bister Conrad is waiting for you. . .( 2 shrugged and followed him outside to the long "lac# limo that was par#ed with the engine

382 running so close to the front door of the .laza that it was almost up on the sidewal#. . . and a"out three minutes later 2 was face to face with Hal Conrad in the lo""y of the .ar# /ane Hotel, more "affled than e!er and not e!en allowed enough time to sign in and get my luggage up to the room. . . (4hat too# you so goddamn longG( (2 was mastur"ating in the limo,( 2 said. (4e too# a spin out around Sheepshead 0ay and 2 ( (So"er upI( he snapped. (Ali$s "een "aiting for you since ten o$cloc#.( (0alls,( 2 said, as the door opened and he aimed me down the hall. (2$m tired of your "ullshit, Harold and where the hell is my luggageG( (Fuc# your luggage,( he replied as we stopped in front of 7:; and he #noc#ed, saying, (Cpen up, it$s me." The door swung open and there was 0undini, with a dilated grin on his face, reaching out to sha#e hands. $4elcomeI( he said. (Come right in, 1oc ma#e yourself at home.( 2 was still sha#ing hands with 0undini when 2 realized where 2 was standing at the foot of a #ing size "ed where Buhammad Ali was laid "ac# with the co!ers pulled up to his waist and his wife, Deronica, sitting next to him9 they were "oth eyeing me with !ery different expressions than 2$d seen on their faces in Chicago. Buhammad leaned up to sha#e hands, grinning first at me and then at Conrad9 (2s this him." he as#ed. (Hou sure he$s safeG( 0undini and Conrad were laughing as 2 tried to hide my confusion at this sudden plunge into unreality "y lighting two 1unhills at once, as 2 "ac#ed off and tried to get grounded. . . "ut my head was still whirling from this hurricane of changes and 2 heard myself saying, (4hat do you mean 3s this him. Hou "astardI 2 should ha!e you arrested for what you did to me in ChicagoI( Ali fell "ac# on the pillows and laughed. (2$m sorry, "oss, "ut 2 %ust couldn$t recogni?e you. 2 #new 2 was supposed to meet somebod'! "ut ( (HeahI( 2 said. (That$s what 2 was trying to tell you. 4hat did you thin# 2 was there for an autographG( )!ery"ody in the room laughed this time, and 2 felt li#e 2$d "een shot out of a cannon and straight into some"ody else$s mo!ie. 2 put my satchel down on the "ureau across from the "ed and reached in for a "eer. . . The pop top came off with a hiss and a "last of "rown foam that dripped on the rug as 2 tried to calm down. (Hou scared me,( Ali was saying. (Hou loo#ed li#e some #ind of a "um or a hippie.( (4hatG( 2 almost shouted. (A bum. A hi&&ie." 2 lit another cigarette or may"e two, not realizing or e!en thin#ing a"out the gross transgressions 2 was committing "y smo#ing and drin#ing in the presence of The Champ. EConrad told me later that nobod' smo#es or drin#s in the same room with Buhammad Ali and Aesus ChristI Not of all places in the sacred pri!acy of his o"n bedroom at midnight! where 2 had no "usiness "eing in the first place.F. . . 0ut 2 was mercifully and o"!iously ignorant of what 2 was doing. Smo#ing and drin#ing and tossing off crude "ursts of language are not second nature to me, "ut first and my mood, at that point, was still so mean and %angled that it too# me a"out ten minutes of foulmouthed ra!ing "efore 2 "egan to get a grip on myself. )!ery"ody else in the room was o"!iously relaxed and getting a wonderful hoot out of this "izarre spectacle which was me: and when the adrenalin finally "urned off 2 realized that 2$d "ac#ed so far away from the "ed and into the "ureau that 2 was actually sitting on the goddamn thing, with my legs crossed in front of me li#e some #ind of wild eyed, dope addled "udda E0huddahG 0uddahG 0uddaG. . . Ah, fuc# these wretched idols with unspella"le names let$s use Audda! and to hell with )dwin NewmanF. . . and suddenly 2 felt %ust fine. And why notG 2 was, after all, the undisputed hea!yweight *onzo champion of the world and this

383 giggling yoyo in the "ed across the room from me was no longer the champion of an'thing! or at least nothing he could get a notary pu"lic to !ouch for. . . So 2 sat "ac# on the "ureau with my head against the mirror and 2 thought, (4ell, shit here 2 am, and it$s definitely a weird place to "e' "ut not reall'! and not half as weird as a lot of other places 2$!e "een. . . Nice !iew, decent company, and no real worries at all in this tight group of friends who were o"!iously ha!ing a good time with each other as the con!ersation reco!ered from my fla#y entrance and got "ac# on the fast "rea#, "ump and run trac# they were used to. . .( Conrad was sitting on the floor with his "ac# to the "ig window that loo#s out on the sa!age, snow co!ered wasteland of Central .ar# and one loo# at his face told me that he was finished "orking for the night' he had wor#ed a ma%or miracle, smuggling a hyena into the house of mirrors, and now he was content to sit "ac# and see what happened. . . Conrad was as happy as a serious smo#er without a serious smo#e could ha!e "een right then. . . And so was 2, for that matter, despite the crossfire of a"use and "ent humor that 2 found myself caught in, "etween 0undini and the "ed. Ali was doing most of the tal#ing9 his mood seemed to "e sort of wandering around and e!ery once in a while ta#ing a &uic# "ite out of anything that caught his interest, li#e a good humored wol!erine. . . There was no tal# a"out "oxing, as 2 recall9 we$d agreed to sa!e that for the (formal inter!iew( tomorrow morning, so this midnight gig was a "it li#e a warmup for what Conrad descri"ed as (the serious "ullshit.( There was a lot of tal# a"out (drun#ards,( the sacred nature of (unsweetened grapefruit( and the madness of handling money a su"%ect 2 told him 2$d long since mastered9 (How many acres do you ownG( 2 #ept as#ing him whene!er he started getting too high on his own riffs. (Not as many as me,( 2 assured him. (2$m richer than Bidas, and nine times as shrewd whole !alleys and mountains of acres,( 2 continued, #eeping a !ery straight face9 (Thousands of cattle, stallions, peacoc#s, wild "oar, sloats. . .( And then the final twist9 (Hou and Frazier %ust ne!er learned how to handle money "ut for twenty percent of the nut 2 can ma#e you almost as rich as 2 am.( 2 could see that he didn$t "elie!e me. Ali is a hard man to con "ut when he got on the su"%ect of his tragic loss of (all pri!acy,( 2 figured it was time for the frill. (Hou really want a cure for your pri!acy pro"lemG( 2 as#ed him, ripping the top out of another 0allantine Ale. He smiled wic#edly. (Sure "oss what you gotG( 2 slid off the "ureau and mo!ed toward the door, (Hang on,( 2 told him. (2$ll "e right "ac#.( Conrad was suddenly alert. (4here the hell are you goingG( he snapped. (To my room,( 2 said. (2 ha!e the ultimate cure for Buhammad$s pri!acy pro"lem.( "%hat roomG( he as#ed, (Hou don$t e!en #now where it is, do youG( Bore laughter. (2t$s 6:66,( Conrad said, (right upstairs "ut hurry "ac#,( he added. (And if you run into .at, we ne!er heard of you.( .at .atterson, Ali$s fearfully diligent "odyguard, was #nown to "e prowling the halls and putting a swift arm on anything human or otherwise that might distur" Ali$s sleep. The rematch with Spin#s was already getting cran#ed up, and it was .atterson$s %o" to ma#e sure The Champ stayed deadly serious a"out his new training schedule. (1on$t worry,( 2 said. (2 %ust want to go up to the room and put on my pantyhose. 2$ll "e a lot more comforta"le.( The sound of raucous laughter followed me down the hall as 2 sprinted off toward the fire exit, #nowing 2 would ha!e to "e fast or 2$d ne!er get "ac# in that room tonight or tomorrow. 0ut 2 #new what 2 wanted, and 2 #new where it was in my parachute "ag9 yes, a spectacularly hideous full head, real hair, se!enty fi!e dollar mo!ie style red de!il mas# a thing so fiendishly real and ugly that 2 still wonder, in moments li#e these, what sort of twisted impulse caused me to

384 e!en pac# the goddamn thing, much less wear it through the halls of the .ar# /ane and "ac# into Buhammad Ali$s suite at this unholy hour of the night Three minutes later 2 was "ac# at the door, with the mas# zipped o!er my head and the nec# flap tuc#ed into my shirt. 2 #noc#ed twice, then leaped into the room when 0undini opened the door, screaming some "rainless slogan li#e (1)ATH TC TH) 4)2+1I( For a second or two there was no sound at all in the room then the whole place exploded in wild laughter as 2 pranced around, smo#ing and drin#ing through the molded ru""er mouth and ra!ing a"out whate!er came into my head. The moment 2 saw the expression on Buhammad$s face, 2 #new my mas# would ne!er get "ac# to 4oody Cree#. His eyes lit up li#e he$d %ust seen the one toy he$d wanted all his life, and he almost came out of the "ed after me. . . (C#ay,( 2 said, lifting it off my head and tossing it across the room to the "ed. (2t$s yours, my man "ut let me warn you that not ever'bod' thin#s this thing is real funny.( E()specially black people,( Conrad told me later. (Aesus,( he said, (2 %ust a"out flipped when you %umped into the room with that goddamn mas# on your head. That "as really pushing your luc#.(F Ali put the mas# on immediately and was %ust starting to en%oy himself in the mirror when. . . ye *ods, we all went stiff as the sound of harsh #noc#ing came through the door, along with the !oice of .at .atterson. (Cpen up,( he was shouting. (4hat the hell is going on in thereG( 2 rushed for the "athroom, "ut 0undini was two steps ahead of me. . . Ali, still wearing the hideous mas#, duc#ed under the co!ers and Conrad went to open the door. 2t all happened so fast that we all simply fro?e in position as .atterson came in li#e 1ic# 0ut#us on a "lood scent. . . and that was when Buhammad came out of the "ed with a wild cry and a mushroom cloud of flying sheets, pointing one long "rown arm and a finger li#e Satan$s own cattle prod, straight into .at .atterson$s face. And that, fol#s, was a moment that 2$d %ust as soon not ha!e to li!e through again. 4e were all luc#y, 2 thin#, that .atterson didn$t go for his gun and "low Buhammad away in that moment of madness "efore he recognized the "ody under the mas#. 2t was only a split second, "ut it could easily ha!e "een a hell of a lot longer for all of us if Ali hadn$t dissol!ed in a fit of whooping laughter at the sight of .at .atterson$s face. . . And although .at reco!ered instantly, the smile he finally showed us was uncomforta"ly thin. The pro"lem, 2 thin#, was not so much the mas# itself and the shoc# it had caused him "ut "h' The Champ was wearing the goddamn thing at all' where had it come fromG And whyG These were serious times, "ut a scene li#e this could ha!e ominous implications for the future particularly with Ali so pleased with his new toy that he #ept it on his head for the next ten or fifteen minutes, staring around the room and saying with no hint of a smile in his !oice that he would definitely wear it for his appearance on the 1ic# Ca!ett show the next day. (This is the new me!" he told us. (2$ll wear it on TD tomorrow and tell Ca!ett that 2 promised Deronica that 2 won$t ta#e it off until 2 win my title "ac#. 2$m gonna wear this ugly thing e!erywhere 2 go e!en when 2 get into the ring with Spin#s next time.( He laughed wildly and %a""ed at himself in the mirror. (Hes indeedI( he chuc#led. (They thought 2 was crazy before! "ut they ain$t seen nothin* yet.( 2 was feeling a little on the crazy side myself, at that point and .atterson$s accusing presence soon told us it was time to go. (C#ay, "oss,( Ali said to me on the way out. (Tomorrow we get serious, rightG Nine o$cloc# in the morning. 4e$ll ha!e "rea#fast, and get real serious.( 2 agreed, and went upstairs to my room for a "it of the good smo#e. %uha33a- Speaks. . . A Se,on- Shot 5ro3 Sp+nks. . . The H+pp+e +n the W+n* T+ps. . .

385 The Tr+ple Greatest o5 All T+3es. . . 2 was up at eight thirty the next day, "ut when 2 called Ali$s suite, Deronica said he$d "een up since se!en and (was wandering around downstairs somewhere.( 2 found him in the restaurant, sitting at one end of a ta"le full of cut glass and sil!er, dressed almost as formally as the maitre d$ in a dar# "lue pin stripe suit and tal#ing !ery seriously with a group of friends and !ery earnest "lac# "usinessmen types who were all dressed the same way he was. 2t was a completely different man from the one 2$d "een sparring and laughing with the night "efore. The con!ersation around the ta"le ranged from what to do a"out a %ust recei!ed in!itation to !isit some new country in Africa, to a "ewildering !ariety of endorsement offers, to "oo# contracts, real estate and the molecular structure of cra"meat. 2t was midmorning "efore we finally went upstairs to his suite (to get serious.(. . . And what follows is a ninety nine percent !er"atim transcript of our con!ersation for almost the next two hours. Buhammad was stretched out on the "ed, still wearing his (senator$s suite,( and "alancing my tape recorder on his stomach while he tal#ed. 2 was sitting cross legged right next to him on the "ed, with a "ottle of Heine#en in one hand, a cigarette in the other and my shoes on the floor "eside me. The room was ali!e with the constant comings and goings of people "earing messages, luggage, warnings a"out getting to the Ca!ett show on time. . . and also a !ery alert curiosity a"out me and what 2 was up to. The mas# was nowhere in sight, "ut .at .atterson "as! along with three or four other !ery serious loo#ing "lac# gentleman who listened to e!ery word we said. Cne of them actually #neeled on the floor right next to the "ed, with his ear a"out thirteen inches away from the tape recorder, the whole time we tal#ed. 1ka'! "e might as "ell get back to "hat "e "ere talking about do"nstairs. )ou said 'ou*re definitel' going to fight S&inks again! right. 2 can$t say 2$m definitely going to fight Spin#s again. 2 thin# we are. 2$m sure we are "ut 2 might die, he might die. Aut as far as 'ou*re concerned! 'ou "ant to! 'ou*re counting on it. Heah, he plans to fight me. 2 ga!e him a chance and he will gi!e me a shot "ac# at it. The people won$t "elie!e he$s a true champion until he "eats me twice. See, 2 had to "eat /iston twice, Aohansson had to "eat .atterson twice, "ut he didn$t. +andy Turpin had to "eat Sugar +ay twice, "ut he didn$t. 2f he can "eat me twice, then people will really "elie!e that he might possi"ly "e the greatest. 1ka'! let me ask 'ou. . . at "hat &oint! at "hat time ## 3 "as in 5egas for the fight "hen did 'ou reali?e that things "ere getting real serious. +ound twel!e. K& to then 'ou still thought 'ou had control. 2 was told that 2 was pro"a"ly losing, "ut may"e 2 was e!en. 2 had to win the last three and 2 was too tired to win the last three, then 2 #new 2 was in trou"le. Aut 'ou figured 'ou could &ull it off. . . u& until round t"elve. Heah, "ut 2 couldn$t, $cause he is confident, $cause he is winning and 2 had to pull it off and he was 678 and 2$m @@> and that$s too hea!y. ,idn*t 'ou tell me do"nstairs at breakfast that 'ou*re going to come in at @:< ne t time. 2 don$t #now what 2$m going to come in at, @:< is really impossi"le. 2f 2 get to @@: 2$ll "e happy. Aust "e eight pounds lighter. . . 2$ll "e happy. 2 did pretty good at that weight, to "e in condition around @@:, e!en if it$s @@<, @@?, 2 could do "etter. %ell! on a scale of one hundred! "hat kind of condition "ere 'ou in for S&inks. Scale of one hundredG 2 was eighty. %here should 'ou have been.

386 Should ha!e "een. . . ninety eight. %h' didn*t 'ou kno" him better. )ou didn*t seem read'. . . 4hy didn$t any"ody #now himG He slipped up on the press, a ten to one underdog, they called him. He hadn$t gone o!er ten rounds and only se!en pro fights. 4hat can you #now a"out himG 1ka'! let*s get to another &oint: 3 "as do"n there in 5egas for t"o "eeks and there "asn*t much to do e ce&t talk and gossi&! and there "as a lot of talk about "hether it "ould be better for 'ou to come out and ?ing him right a"a'! take charge or do "hat 3 think 'ou did! sort of la' back and. . . No, you couldn$t ha!e said it was "etter for me to ta#e charge. %ell! there "ere t"o schools of thought: one "as 'ou come out ?ooming and cracking and the other "as the sort of slo" start! ro&e#a#do&e tri&. No, that wouldn$t "e wise at my age and my weight to come out zooming and wear myself out in case 2 didn$t #noc# him out. 4hen you don$t #now a man you got to feel him out. . . "ut 2 #now one thing, e!ery"ody tires, that$s why 2 laid on the ropes for four, fi!e or six rounds hoping he$d tire, "ut he didn$t. 4e didn$t #now he had the stamina and 2 wasn$t in shape so for me to come off bing bing bing real fast, 2 #now for sure 2$m going to tire "ut 2 don$t #now for sure 2$m going to stop him. 0ut after 2 tired then 2$m in trou"le. $o" long could 'ou have gone! if 'ou came out ?inging right from the start. 2 could ha!e zinged a"out six rounds. So 'ou "ould have died after si . No, 2 wouldn$t ha!e died after six, 2 would ha!e %ust slowed down and "een on defense, "ut nobod' can tell me how to come out, or how 2 should ha!e come out, 2 did the "est thing for my condition. This ma' be an odd 9uestion but 3 "ant to ask 'ou an'"a'! at the &ress conference after the fight 3 remember 2eon sa'ing! "3 4ust "anted to beat this nigger." And it seems to me it "as done "ith a smile! but "hen 3 heard that 3 felt the "hole room get tense. No, that$s o#ay. 2 say the same things. 4e "lac# people tal# a"out each other that way, in a humorous way. (Ah, nig gah, "e &uiet.( (Ah ahh, 2 can whop that niggah.( (Niggah, you crazy.( Those are our expressions. 2f you say it, 2$ll slap you. The white man can$t call me nigger li#e they do. So it "as a 4oke. 3t struck me as a ver' ra" note! but. . . 2 can$t "lame you. 4hen 2 "eat Sonny /isten, 2 didn$t say those words, "ut 2 was glad to win, so 2 can$t ta#e nothing from Spin#s he$s good, he$s a lot "etter fighter than people thought he was. Tell me a little about this tri#cornered thing bet"een 'ou and Norton and S&inks. 4ell, Norton feels he deser!es the next shot. ,o 'ou think he does. No, he deser!es a shot a the winner "etween me and Spin#s. 2 ga!e Spin#s a shot, he owes me a shot for gi!ing him a shot. The champion always gets a return. They used to ha!e return clauses. 4e didn$t ha!e that, 2 don$t ha!e that. He$s gi!ing me a shot $cause 2 ga!e him a "rea#. 2 "eat Norton twice. Foreman annihilated Norton, so therefore he$s not "etter than me. 2$m the num"er one contender, not him. %hat did 2eon tell 'ou. %hen 3 talked to him in 5egas! 3 got the feeling he honestl' "ants to give 'ou a return shot. 3 think he*s read' for that. Sure he will. 0y the time this article will come out the fight pro"a"ly will ha!e "een signed and e!erything, the date set and we ready to fight. 1on$t say yet, "ut 2$m sure it$s getting pretty close and 2$m the one they$ll choose. He ma#es L< million with me and L6.< million with Norton. 4ho would you fightG An'"a'! "hat ha&&ens if it turns out that 2eon is legall' obligated to fight Norton first.

387 That$s all right, 2 ain$t tired. 2 got four or fi!e more years of good fighting. Four or five 'ears. 6Ali nods! grins7 .lenty of time, "oss. All the time 2 need. $o" do 'ou think S&inks "ould do against Norton. 2 thin# he$d "eat Norton. ,id 3 hear 'ou sa' that 'ou "ere going u& to the cam& toda'. 2 start training in a"out two wee#s. And that*s going to be straight through for five or si months. )ou*ve never done that before! have 'ou. Ne!er in my life, ne!er more than two months. 0ut this time 2$m going to "e in there fi!e months, chopping trees, running up hills, 2$ll "e coming in dancingI 1ancingI 6Sudden grin7 2$ll "e winning my title for the third time. . . 6Shouting7 The greatest of all timesI Cf all timesII 62aughing and 4abbing7 /ome on no"+ %e*re not on T5+ 2et*s get back to this Norton#S&inks thing. %h' do 'ou sa' S&inks "ill "in. $Cause he$s too fast, he$s aggressi!e, he$s young, he ta#es a punch, the mere fact that he can "eat me means he can "eat Norton. 2$m "etter than Norton. 2 pic# him, it don$t ha!e to "e that way, "ut 2 pic# him. $o" about Fra?ier. /ould 2eon have beaten the Joe Fra?ier of four or five 'ears ago. Around the first or second time 'ou fought him. %ho does 2eon com&are to. /eon, compare to, he compare to Frazier$s style, always coming in, Spin#s. . . Frazier. Fra?ier at his best. Frazier at his "est, yeah. $o" good is 2eon. 3 don*t reall' kno" m'self. /eon is unexplored, un#nown and after 2 "eat him, he$ll come "ac# and win the title and he$ll hold it four or fi!e years and he$ll go down in history as one of the great hea!yweights. Not the greatest, "ut one of the greatest. So if 'ou fought him one more time! 'ou think that*d be it. 3s that "hat 'ou*re sa'ing. 2$m not sure that$ll "e it for me. . . 2 might ta#e another fight don$t #now yet, according to how 2 feel when that time comes. ,id 'ou see 0allie 0noet?e! that South African fighter. The one "ho beat Aobick. 2 heard a"out him. Me and /onrad s&ent a lot of time talking to him before the fight. 3 "as tr'ing to "ork u& a reall' serious s&ectacle bet"een 'ou and him do"n in South Africa. He seemed li#e a nice fellow. 1h 'eah! he "as reall' eager to have 'ou come do"n there and fight. ,oes that interest 'ou! to fight a "hite co& in South Africa. Cn the "asis that on that day there$d "e e&uality in the arena where 2$m fighting. Aut "ould that interest 'ou. %ith all the heav' &olitical overtones. $o" do 'ou feel about something like that. Along "ith a million#dollar gate. Heah, 2 li#e it. 4ith the appro!al of all the other African nations and Boslem countries. 2 wouldn$t go against their wishes, regardless of how they made the arena that night, if the masses of the country and the world were against it, 2 wouldn$t go. 2 #now that 2 ha!e a lot of fans in South Africa, and they want to see me. 0ut 2$m not going to crawl o!er other nations to go. The world would ha!e to say9 (4ell, this case is special, they$!e gi!en the people %ustice. His going is helping the freedom.( There*s a dramatic 9ualit' to that thing 3 can*t think of an' other fight that "ould have that kind of theater. Actuall' it might even be too much &olitics. . . 4hat worries me is gettin$ whupped "y a white man in South Africa.

388 1h ho )eah+ 6Nervous chuckle7 6Room breaks into laughter7 62aughing7 That$s what the world needs. . . me getting whupped "y a white man in South AfricaI 6Still laughing7 1h 'eah. . . *etting whupped "y a white man &eriod! "ut in South AfricaG 2f a "hite South African fighter "eat me. . . G Jesus. . . Ch, /ord. 6/huckles7 1h! 'ou*d have to "in. . . )ou "ould definitel' have to "in. ,id 'ou see the film of his fight "ith Aobick. %hen he took him out in the third round. 4as he goodG $e "as a little slo"! but he looked &o"erful. . . $e didn*t look to me like 'ou "ould have an' trouble "ith him! but 3*m not an e &ert. $e looked like 'ou*d have to "atch it. . . Heah, he too# 0o"ic# real hard. 2 don$t thin# it would "e wise for me to fight him in South Africa. 2f 2 "eat him too "ad and then lea!e the country, they might "eat up some of the "rothers. 62aughter in the room7 Cr if he whup me too "ad then there might "e riots. . . .eople crazy. Hou #now what 2 meanG 2f 2 whup him up too "ad and loo# too good, then the "rothers might get "eat up after 2 lea!e. 2 wouldn$t fool with it. 2$m a representati!e of "lac# people. . . 2t$d "e good if 2 don$t go to nothing li#e that. 2t$s too touchy it$s more than a sport when 2 get in!ol!ed. Aut it*s the fact that he*s "hite. . . 6/onfidentiall'7 1id you #now he called me a niggerG %hat. Hou didn$t hear itG The South African. . . 6Aghast7 No+ Hou was in Degas, rightG 6/onfused7 )eah. . . "e talked to him. . . He said, (That coc#y nigger, that$s one nigger 2 want. . .( 62aughing7 A"! c*mon. $e didn*t sa' that. That gu' "as on his best behavior. He said9 (2 want that nigger.( /*mon. . . 6,ee& laugh7 2 was %o#in$. . . $e "as on best behavior. . . The la"'er said! ")ou don*t understand our countr'. 3 mean! it*s not like 'ou*ve heard at all. . ." And /onrad "as sa'ing! "Aullshit+ )ou got cages for those black &eo&le do"n there." $e "as rude. CCN+A19 He ga!e me a "ig argument. 1id he slap youG CCN+A19 Slap me. 62aughs7 2 had $unter with meI 3 had a can of mace in m' &ocket. . . 6Ali! laughing and looking at his "atch7 C#ay, now you$!e got fi!e minutes. 2et*s see. . . five minutes. 2$ll gi!e you ten minutes. . . See, see the cloc#G )eah! don*t "orr'! 3*ve got m' o"n clock see this magnesium Role . $eav'! eh.. . . And see these. After 'ou called me a bum and a hi&&ie last night! look "hat 3 "ore for 'ou this morning 6holding u& &erforated "ing ti&s7. Hou$re getting a good inter!iew, man. )eah 6reached for one of the shoes7! look at that shine too. Those are some good shoes those shoes must$!e cost a"out fifty dollars. )eah. The'*re about ten 'ears old. Are theyG Same solesG )eah! these are m' FA3 shoes. 3 onl' "ear them for s&ecial occasions nobod'*s called me

389 a bum and a hi&&ie for a long time. 62aughs7 Hou$re not going to drin# your "eerG Hou an alcoholicG Alcoholic+ Aum+ $i&&ie+ Remember 3*ve got to "rite an article about 'ou before Frida'+ Heh, heh, heh. Hou$!e got the "eer. . . Heh, heh, heh. 0um and a hippie. %here 'ou going. +ight here, 2$ll tal# louder so you can hear. . . 4hat else you want to as# meG M' head*s! uh! 3*m still on that South Africa tri&! 3 guess there*d be no "a' 'ou could go do"n there "ithout beating 2eon first! right. No, 2 got to "eat /eon first. 2 will defeat /eon first. 2 will go down as the triple greatest of all time. 1h 'eah! 3 think 'ou might. 3f 'ou train! if 'ou get serious. 2f 2 get seriousG 2$m as serious as cancer. 2s cancer seriousG %ell! 'eah! 3 didn*t reali?e! uh. . . if 'ou*re going to start training no" that is serious! that*s five months! si months. 2$m going to "e read'+ %ould 'ou call him a fast fighter. . . 2eon. 3t seems like a funn' "ord to use for him. FastG Heah he was fast. Faster than 2 was that night. He$s fast period. Fast hands. Fast feet. Fast hands. Not as fast as reflexes "ecause of his weight. 4hen 2$m down to my weight that 2 would li#e to "e 2 #now 2$m faster. 3 noticed in the third round the first time 3 smelled a little bit of trouble "as "hen 3 sa" 'ou missing him "ith the 4ab. . . it "ould be about si inches. The one thing 2 did wrong, 2 didn$t do no "oxing hardly "efore this fight. %h'. 4ell, my "elief was at this age, too much pounding and getting hit and unnecessary training wasn$t necessary. %ell! if too much training "ould have been bad for that fight! ho" about the ne t one! "h' "ould it be good for the ne t fight. By timing was lost. 4ell, 2$m going to ha!e to "ox. . . 2$m not saying it would ha!e "een "ad to "ox' "etter for me, see, 2 wasn$t "oxing no"ody and 2 was missing a lot of punches in that fight. )eah! 3 noticed that! that*s "hen 3 first thought! "1h oh. . . it*ll be a long fight." That$s $cause 2 wasn$t "oxing, 2 was hitting "ad. )ou think 'ou could knock 2eon out.. . . 3 thought 'ou could have in the fifteenth round. 2 couldn$t follow him up, might #noc# him out and might not. . . %as there an' time 'ou thought ma'be 'ou might have. . . did 'ou ever think he "as going to knock 'ou out. . . "as there an' time 'ou thought! oh! oh! he might even &ut 'ou do"n. No, nothing li#e that. %ould it be more im&ortant ne t time to get faster. No, next time it$s to "e in "etter shape, to ta#e him more serious, to #now him. %h' the hell didn*t 'ou this time. 1idn$t #now him. )ou got some of the smartest &eo&le in the business "orking "ith 'ou. 1idn$t #now him. . . See all of my worst fights was when 2 fought no"odies. Aurgen 0lin, Purich, Switzerland, se!en rounds with him, didn$t loo# too good. Al /ewis, 1u"lin, 2reland, a no"ody, went ele!en rounds. Aean .ierre Coopman, San Auan, .uerto +ico. . . a no"ody. Aonavena. He was pretty good. Alfredo )!angelista. A no"ody, didn$t loo# that hot. )eah! but 2eon! 'ou sa" him fight several times! didn*t 'ou. Amateurs, %ust se!en. . . what can this man do with se!en pro fights, ne!er "een o!er ten

390 rounds. . . Aut 'ou had about fifteen or eighteen &ro fights "hen 'ou fought 2iston the first time. 2 don$t #now. 3 think 3 counted them u& the other da'. . . nineteen ma'be. 2 caught him off guard too, 2 was supposed to ha!e "een annihilated li#e this "oy was. 0ut my "est fights were those fights where 2 was the underdog9 *eorge Foreman$s come"ac#, two /iston fights, Frazier fights, Norton. . . 3s that something in 'our head. 2t ma#es you hungry, got something to wor# for. 2$m doing good. )!erything is going my way. 2$m eating dinner. 2$m li!ing with my wife and my two children all up to the fight which ain$t that good. /east six wee#s "efore the fight 2 should get away from my children $cause they ma#e you soft. Hou hug $em and you #iss them, you #now, you $round "a"ies all day. 1ay "efore the fight, 2$m "a"ysitting $cause my wife done some shopping. She didn$t mean no harm. )ou can*t blame it on her! though. No. 2 got to get away from the "a"ies, 2 got to get e!il. *ot to chop trees, run up hills, get in my old log ca"in. )ou &lan to go u& there to sta'! at the cam&! live there until the fight. 4here. . . what fight. . . G )ou sa' 'ou*re going to go u& there and do a monk sort of tri&. No, my wife and "a"ies would "e with me, "ut my "a"ies they cry at night and they$ll "e in another ca"in. . . %hat about 2eon*s rib! do 'ou think 'ou broke his rib. He got hurt in the fight some #ind of way, and 2 was told after the fight he was hurt and some doctor was loo#ing at him and that it wasn$t that "ad, and 2 guess when it loo#ed li#e he was going to fight Norton they had to admit he was hurt $cause Norton$s a "ody puncher. %ell! s&eaking of that! 3 don*t "ant to bring u& an' sore sub4ect! but did 'ou see -acheco on the Tom Sn'der sho" "hen he "as talking about all athletes getting old. . .. $e seemed to come do"n &rett' hard. $e said &h'sicall' it "ould 4ust be im&ossible for 'ou to get back in sha&e to beat 2eon. 2 was fighting years "efore 2 #new .acheco. He got famous hanging around me. They all got #nown. . . popular. They$d ne!er admit it. . . and also .acheco don$t #now me, he wor#s in my corner, he$s not my real physical doctor. So 'ou think 'ou can get back in ninet'#eight on a scale of a hundred. Heah. 4hat 2 li#e, this is what 2 lo!e. . . to do the impossi"le, "e the underdog. .ressure ma#es me go. 2 couldn$t. . . 2 didn$t "eat Frazier the first time, 2 didn$t "eat Norton the first time. 2 gotta "eat the animal. 2 almost got to lose to #eep going. 2t would "e hard for me to #eep getting the spirit up, what ha!e 2 got to accomplish, who ha!e 2 got to pro!e wrongG S&eaking of that! ho" did 'ou ever get 'ourself in the situation "here 'ou had so much to lose and so little to gain b' fighting 2eon do"n there. How did 2 get in whatG )ou got 'ourself in an almost no#"in situation there "here 'ou had ver' little to "in and a hell of a lot to lose. 3t struck me as strategicall' bad. . . That$s the way it is, that$s the way it$s "een e!er since 2 held the crown, 2 didn$t ha!e nothing to gain "y fighting 0ugner. 2 didn$t ha!e nothing to gain "y fighting Aean .ierre Co opman. 2 didn$t ha!e nothing to gain "y fighting a lot of people. )ou sure as hell "ill ne t time b' fighting 2eon. That "ill be real &ressure. Ch yeah, 2 li#e the pressure, need the pressure. . . the world li#es. . . people li#e to see miracles. . . people li#e to see. . . people li#e to see underdogs that do it. . . people li#e to "e there when history is made.

391 Ra4 E**s an- Beer +n the Top Rank Su+te. . . A Sea o5 "o+se an- V+olen,e. . . An Eer+e, Roar+n* Chant. . . The #+nal Bell 1ne thing that 8rnest $eming"a' had al"a's told me "as that it "as a bad idea to get to kno" an active fighter and become interested in his career. Sooner or later he "as going to get hurt in the ring! and beaten! and it "ould be an almost unbearable thing to see if he "ere a friend. *)C+*) ./2B.TCN, Shado" Ao 4ell. . . 2 wondered why *eorge ne!er showed up in /as Degas. Buhammad Ali is a friend of Norman Bailer$s, too, and also 0udd Schul"erg$s' along with most of the other "ig time "oxing writers who s#ipped the Spin#s fight. 2 was too strung out on the simple horror of spending two wee#s in the /as Degas Hilton to understand anything more complex than fear, hunger and daytime TD, at the time, to grasp my own lac# of sensiti!ity. And at first 2 thought it was some #ind of monumental "otch on my part. Sy"il Arum tried to reassure me, "ut others said 2 was paranoid. 1ay after endless day, 2 would chec# into Top +an# Head&uarters on the fifth floor (1irector$s Suite( and as# as casually as possi"le if *eorge or Norman had showed up yet and the answer was always the same. Cr perhaps 2 was o!ercompensating, somehow, for my shameful malaria frea#out in Paire "y showing up for this one two wee#s earlier than any"ody except Arum and /eon. After a wee# or so of feeling so conspicuously alone in my role of ("ehind the scenes fight writer( 2 finally "egan passing myself off as the official Top +an# "artender, instead. 2 "egan to get seriously paranoid a"out the situation. 4hat was wrong, 2 wonderedG Had 2 chosen the wrong hotelG 4ere all the hea!ies staying somewhere else li#e the Aladdin or Caesar$s .alace, where the real action wasG Cr may"e 2 was wor#ing too hard' doing unnatural things li#e wa#ing up at ten o$cloc# in the morning to attend the daily promoJstrategy meetings down in Arum$s Top +an# (1irector$s Suite(. . . ta#ing !oluminous notes on such pro"lems as the *hanaian featherweight challenger$s "affling refusal to wear ()!erlast( glo!es for his fight with 1anny /opez' and whether the pu"lic should "e charged one or two dollars to attend Ali$s daily wor#outs if and when Ali finally showed up for any wor#outs at all' he was not ta#ing the fight seriously, according to rumors out of 1undee$s gym in Biami, and to ma#e matters worse he was also refusing to tal# to any"ody except his wife. There was also the matter of how to cope with a mind set ranging from "lan# apathy to outright moc#ery on the part of the national "oxing press. The only fight writers who could "e counted on for daily in# were locals such as Tommy /opez from the Revie" Journal and Bi#e Barley from the 2as 5egas Sun which was good for me! "ecause they "oth #new a hell of a lot more a"out the (fight game( than 2 did, and "etween the two of them 2 was getting a dose of education a"out the technical aspects of "oxing that 2 ha!e ne!er #nown much a"out. . . 0ut the New Hor# media continued to dismiss the fight as either a farce or a fraud or perhaps e!en a fi ! as frustrated challenger ,en Norton would suggest afterward' and Arum$s humor grew more and more foul as /eon a"sor"ed more and more "um of the month %o#es from the national "oxing press. Arum was shoc#ed and genuinely outraged as the prefight co!erage dwindled down to a one line %o#e a"out (this upcoming mystery match "etween one fighter "ho "on*t talk! and another "ho can*t.( Spin#s wandered in and out of the suite from time to time, seeming totally o"li!ious to what any"ody in the world including me and Arum had to say a"out the fight or anything else. He was not e!en distur"ed when his mother arri!ed in /as Degas and told the first reporter she met that she thought it was (a shame( that her son was going to ha!e to (get "eat up on TD( %ust to ma#e a "undle of money for ("ig "usiness people from New Hor#.(

392 /eon Spin#s is not one of your chronic worriers. His mind mo!es in pretty straight lines, and the more 2 saw of him in /as Degas, the more 2 "ecame con!inced that the idea of fighting his "oyhood idol for the Hea!yweight Championship of the 4orld didn$t "other him at all, win or lose. (Sure he$s The *reatest,( he would say to the few reporters who managed to trac# him down and as# him how he felt a"out Ali, ("ut he has to gi!e it up sometime! rightG( He was polite with the press, "ut it was clear that he had no interest at all in their &uestions and e!en less in his own answers, which he passed off as casually as he dropped two raw eggs in e!ery glass of "eer he dran# during inter!iews. Nor did he ha!e any interest in Arum$s desperate scram"ling for pre fight pu"licity. No half "right presidential candidate, roc# star or championship "oxing promoter would do anything "ut fire any ran#ing ad!iser who arranged for him and his wife to spend two wee#s in a small "edroom ad4oining the main suiteJ"arJwar room and the "ase of all serious "usiness. . . 0ut this is what 0o" Arum did in /as Degas, and it was so entirely out of character for an'bod' dealing in .ower 3 /e!erage 3 Boney on that scale that it made me suspicious. 0o" and 2 ha!e "een friends long enough for me to "e relati!ely certain he wasn$t either dum" or crazy. 0ut 2 ha!e a lot of strange friends and 2 still trust my instincts in this area a"out niney eight percent, despite a few glaring exceptions in the area of Southern politicians and "lac# drug dealers wearing 2ron 0oy o!eralls, and until Arum pulls that #ind of switch on me 2 will still call him my friend and treat him the same way. 2ndeed. . . and now that we$!e settled that, let$s get "ac# to this twisted saga and my feeling in /as Degas, as the day of the fight approached and my lonely perceptions with regard to its possi"le meaning and in fact my whole understanding of professional "oxing as either a sport or a "usiness came more and more into &uestion. . . 4ell, 2 "egan to feel !ery isolated! down there in the huge Degas Hilton, and when e!en my good friends smiled indulgently when 2 said on the phone that 2 was ha!ing a hell of a hard time getting a "et on /eon Spin#s at ten or e!en eight to one, 2 had a few ner!ous moments wondering if perhaps 2 really "as as crazy as so much of the e!idence suggested. This was, howe!er, before 2$d read .limpton$s "oo# and found out that 2 was the only writer in America so cold hearted as to show up in /as Degas to watch Buhammad Ali get beaten. 4hate!er else 2 might or might not ha!e "een, 2 was clearly no friend of The Champ$s. . . 4hich was true on one le!el, "ecause 2 not only showed for the fight, "ut wallowed so deep in the &uic#sands of human treachery as to bet against him. At ten to one. /et$s not forget those num"ers especially not if the difference "etween ten and fi!e is really the difference "etween a friend and an enemy. 4hen the "ell rang to start num"er fifteen in Degas, /eon Spin#s was so tired and wasted that he could "arely #eep his "alance for the next three minutes and now, after watching that fight on !ideotape at least twenty times, 2 thin# that e!en 4orld /ightweight Champ +o"erto 1uran could ha!e ta#en /eon out with one &uic# and sa!age com"ination' a hard %a" in the eyes to "ring his hands up in front of his face %ust long enough to crac# him under the heart with a right uppercut then another left into the stomach to "ring his head forward again, to that target point in the cross hairs of Ali$s "rittle "ut still murderous "azoo#a right hand, at twenty or twenty one inches. . . No fighter except Aoe Frazier had e!er sur!i!ed one of Buhammad$s frenzied #iller com"inations in a round as late as the fifteenth' and, until those last, incredi"ly "rutal three minutes in /as Degas, /eon Spin#s had ne!er gone more than ten rounds in his life. 4hen he shuffled half "lindly out of his corner for num"er fifteen against The Champ, who was o"!iously and terminally "ehind on &oints after fourteen, /eon Spin#s was (ready to go,( as they say in that merciless, million dollar a minute world of (the S&uared Circle.( . . . 0ut so was Buhammad Ali9 fight films shot from a catwal# directly a"o!e the ring,

393 loo#ing straight down from the high ceiling of the Hilton .a!ilion, show both fighters reeling off "alance and !irtually holding on to each other at times, %ust to #eep from falling down in that !icious final round. There was no more strateg' at that point, and the "lood lust howl of the small crowd of <::: or so white on white pro Spin#s high rollers who had made the fight a cynical and almost reluctant sellout in a town where a shrewd promoter li#e Arum or 1on ,ing or e!en +aoul 1u#e could sell <::: tic#ets to a 4orld Championship Coc# Fight, told Buhammad Ali all he needed to #now at that point in time. The same people who$d "een chanting "All#eee+ All#eee+" %ust a few minutes ago, when it loo#ed li#e The Champ had once again #nown exactly what he was doing, all along, as /eon loo#ed to "e fading "adly in the late rounds. . . These same &eo&le were now chanting, as if led "y some unseen cheerleader9 "ut they were no longer saying "All#eee+" As it "ecame more and more o"!ious that Buhammad was %ust as dead on his feet as Spin#s seemed to "e, the hall slowly filled with a new sound. 2t "egan late in the fourteenth, as 2 recall, and since 2 was "y that time engulfed in the hell on earth chaos that had o!erta#en the fifty or so close friends and Family mem"ers in The Champ$s corner where people li#e ex Hea!yweight Champ Aimmy )llis and Ali$s hot tempered "rother, +achaman had "een clawing at the ring ropes and screaming doomed ad!ice at Buhammad e!er since 0undini had "ecome sic# and collapsed right next to Angelo 1undee in the corner at the end of round num"er twel!e, causing ,ilroy and .atterson to start yelling into the mo" for a doctor. .atterson, right in front of me, was holding 0undini with one arm and wa!ing at ,ilroy with the other. (1rew$s had a heart attac#,( he shouted. (A heart attac#.( Ali$s corner was a deafening mix of fear, madness and emotional dysfunction at that point, a sea of noise and !iolence. . . Total chaos' and then came the eerie roaring chant from the crowd9 (. . . 288#1NN+ 288# 1NNI. . .( The chant grew louder and somehow malignant as the fifteenth round staggered on to its o"!ious end. . . (/)) CNNI /)) CNNI /)) CNNI( Buhammad Ali had ne!er heard that chant "efore and neither had /eon Spin#s. . . Cr me, either. Cr Angelo, or 0undini, or ,ilroy, or Conrad, or .at .atterson or ,ris ,ristofferson either' who was hanging on to +ita Coolidge %ust a few feet away from me and loo#ing !ery stricken while the last few seconds tic#ed off until the "ell finally rang and made e!ery one of us in that corner feel, suddenly, !ery old. B+ll0 the Geek Calls "e4 !rleans< E2en !--s 7 Ran,+- /ar3a The Ali Spin#s rematch on Septem"er 6<th will not "e dull. The early rumor line has Ali a two to one fa!orite, "ut these num"ers will not hold up or, if they do, Spin#s as a two to one underdog will "e a !ery tempting "et, e!en for me9 and anything higher than that will "e almost irresisti"le. 4hen 2 arri!ed in /as Degas two wee#s "efore the last fight 2 told 0o" Arum that 2 figured /eon had a twenty percent chance of winning. That translates into four to one odds, which e!en the nic#el and dime (experts( said was a "ad %o#e. The fight was considered such a gross mismatch that e!ery "oo#ie in Degas except one had it (Cff the 0oard,( meaning no "ets at all, "ecause Ali was such a prohi"iti!e fa!orite e!en ten to one was deemed a sure way to lose money. As late as the thirteenth round, in fact, freelance "oo#ies at ringside were still laying eight to one on Buhammad. By friend Semmes /uc#ett, sitting in one of the L@:: seats with a gaggle of high rollers, watched the round "y round destruction of one poor "astard who lost at least L;:@,::: in forty fi!e minutes "etting on Ali first at ten to one, then down to eight to one after the first six or se!en rounds then four to one after ele!en, and finally all the way down to two to one at the end of thirteen.

394 The man was in a "lathering rage "y the time the fight was o!er. (2 was "etting on a goddamn legend,( he shouted. (2 must ha!e "een out of my mind.( 2 ha!e watched the !ideotape of that fight enough times to ris# wondering out loud, at this point, on the su"%ect of what may or may not ha!e "een wrong with Ali$s right hand in that fight. 2t was totally ineffecti!e. The %a" was still there, e!en with fi!e or six pounds of fla" to slow it down. . . and the right was getting through /eon$s guard with a consistency that would ha!e ended the fight in ten or ele!en rounds if Buhammad had "een a"le to land it with any power at all. Spin#s must ha!e ta#en twenty fi!e or thirty right hand shots from Ali, and 2 dou"t if he felt more than one or two of them. That was the real #ey to the fight, and if Ali$s right hand is as useless in New Crleans as it was in /as Degas, Spin#s will win "y a T,C in eight or nine rounds. 0oth fighters understand, at this point, that Ali has already tried what he and his handlers felt was the best strateg' for dealing with /eon9 that was the time tested rope a dope, which assumed that a frenzied, undisciplined fighter li#e Spin#s would punch himself out in the early rounds, li#e *eorge Foreman, and "ecome a tired sitting duc# for Ali "y the time the "ell rang for num"er ten. That was a !ery "ad mista#e, "ecause /eon did not punch himself out and there is no reason to thin# he will in the rematch. 4hich means that Ali will ha!e to fight a !ery different fight this time9 he will ha!e to ris# punching himself out in the first fi!e or six rounds in what Arum is calling (The 0attle of New Crleans,( and the odds on his getting away with it are no "etter than fifty fifty. And he will ha!e to "e in miraculously top shape, e!en then "ecause if he can$t come zooming out of his corner at the opening "ell and whac# /eon off "alance real &uic#, Buhammad will not last ten rounds. 2f 2 were a "oo#ie 2 would ma#e /eon a sixty forty fa!orite, which is exactly the same way 0o" Arum was seeing it, e!en "efore the fight finally found a home in New Crleans. There are some people in (the Fight *ame( who will tell you that Arum doesn$t #now "oxing from "adminton "ut not one of them went on the record last time with anything ris#ier than the idea that /eon (might ha!e a chance.( 0o" Arum called it sixty forty Ali at least six wee#s prior to the fight which stunned me at first, "ecause 2 thought my own twenty percent figure was "orderline madness, at "est. 0ut Arum stuc# with his forty percent "et on /eon, all the way up to the fight. . . and after watching /eon for two wee#s in Degas my own figure went up to thirty or thirty fi!e percent' or perhaps e!en forty or forty fi!e percent on the day of the fight when 2 heard Arum screaming at Spin#s on the house phone at @9?: in the afternoon, telling him to stop worrying a"out getting tic#ets for his friends and get ready to do "attle against a man that a lot of people including me still call the "est fighter who e!er clim"ed into a ring. . . and if 2 had #nown, "efore the fight, that /eon forced his handlers to get him a stea# for lunch at <9::, 2 would pro"a"ly ha!e called the fight e!en. That$s how The 0attle of New Crleans loo#s to me now9 1ead )!en and if the num"ers turn up that way on Septem"er 6<th, 2 will "et on Buhammad Ali, for reasons of my own. 2 hate to lose any bet! "ut losing on this one would not hurt that much. The last twenty years of my life would ha!e "een %ust a little "it cheaper and duller if Buhammad Ali had not "een around to #eep me cran#ed up, and there is no way 2 could "et against him this time, in what could well "e his last fight. 2 figure 2 can afford to "et on him and lose' that is an accepta"le ris#. . . 0ut something !ery deep inside me curdles at the thought of what #ind of rancid #arma 2 could "ring down on myself if 2 "et against him, and he "on. That is not an accepta"le ris#. The Ro2+n* Tr+po-, the E8perts at the H+lton Bar. . . A #+nal A-2enture +n #+sh(Wrap 9ournal+s3

395 Buhammad Ali has interested a lot of different people for a lot of !ery different reasons since he "ecame a media superstar and a high energy national presence almost two decades ago. . . And he has interested me, too, for reasons that ranged from a sort of amused camaraderie in the "eginning, to wary admiration, then sympathy 3 a new le!el of personal respect, followed "y a dip into a different #ind of wariness that was more exasperation than admiration. . . and finally into a mix of all these things that ne!er really surfaced and came together until 2 heard that he$d signed to fight /eon Spin#s as a (warmup( for his L6= million swan song against ,en Norton. This was the point where my interest in Buhammad Ali mo!ed almost su"consciously to a new and higher gear. 2 had seen all of /eon$s fights in the 678= Bontreal Clympics, and 2 recall "eing impressed to the point of awe at the way he attac#ed and destroyed whate!er they put in front of him. 2 had ne!er seen a 'oung fighter who could get away with planting both feet and leaning forward when he hoo#ed with either hand. Archie Boore was pro"a"ly the last big fighter with that rare com"ination of power, reflexes and high tactical instinct that a "oxer must ha!e to get away with ris#ing moments of total commitment e!en occasionally. . . 0ut /eon did it constantl'! and in most of his fights that was all he did. 2t was a pure kamika?e style9 The +o!ing Tripod, as it were with /eon$s legs forming two poles of the tripod, and the "ody of his opponent forming the third. 4hich is interesting for at least two reasons9 6F There is no tri&od until a punch off that stance connects with the opponent$s head or "ody, so the effect of a miss can range from fatal to unner!ing, or at the !ery least it will cause raised eye"rows and e!en a faint smile or two among the ringside %udges who are scoring the fight. . . and, @F 2f the punch connects solidly, then the tripod is formed and an almost preternatural "last of energy is deli!ered at the point of impact, especially if the hapless target is leaning as far "ac# on the ropes as he can get with his head duc#ed in and forward in a co!erup stance li#e Ali$s rope a dope. A "oxer who plants "oth feet and then leans forward to lash out with a hoo# has his whole weight and also his "hole balance "ehind it' he cannot pull "ac# at that point, and if he fails to connect he will not only lose points for dum" aw#wardness, "ut he$ll plunge his head out front, low and wide open for one of those close in %ac#hammer com"inations that usually end with a #noc#down. That was /eon$s style in the Clympics, and it was a terrifying thing to see. All he had to do was catch his opponent with no place to run, then land one or two of those "rain rattling tripod shots in the first round and once you get stunned and intimidated li#e that in the first round of a three round EClympicF "out, there is not enough time to reco!er. . . . . . or e!en "ant to, for that matter, once you "egin to thin# that this "rute they pushed you into the ring with has no re!erse gear and would %ust as soon attac# a telephone pole as a human "eing. Not many fighters can handle that style of all out assault without ha!ing to "ac# off and de!ise a new game plan. 0ut there is no time for de!ising new plans in a three round fight and perhaps not in ten, twel!e or fifteen rounds either, "ecause /eon doesn$t gi!e you much time to thin#. He #eeps coming, swarming, pounding' and he can land three or four shots from both directions once he gets "raced and leans out to meet that third leg of the tripod. Cn the other hand, those poor gee#s that /eon "eat silly in the Clympics were amateurs. . . and we are all a "it poorer for the fact that he was a light#heav'"eight when he won that *old Bedal' "ecause if he$d "een a few pounds hea!ier he would ha!e had to go against the elegant Cu"an hea!yweight champion, Teofilo Ste!enson, who would ha!e "eaten him li#e a gong for all three rounds. 0ut Ste!enson, the Clympic hea!yweight champ in "oth 678@ and $8=, and the only modern hea!yweight with the physical and mental e&uipment to compete with Buhammad Ali, has insisted

396 for reasons of his own and Fidel Castro$s on remaining the "amateur hea!yweight champion of the world,( instead of ta#ing that one final leap for the great ring that a fight against Buhammad Ali could ha!e "een for him. 4hate!er reasons might ha!e led Castro to decide that an Ali Ste!enson match sometime in 678? or $8; after Buhammad had won the hearts and minds of the whole world with his win o!er *eorge Foreman in Paire was not in the interest of either Cu"a, Castro or perhaps e!en Ste!enson himself, will always "e clouded in the dar# fog of politics and the con!iction of people li#e me that the same low rent political priorities that heaped a legacy of failure and shame on e!ery other main issue of this generation was also the real reason why the two great hea!yweight artists of our time were ne!er allowed in the ring with each other. This is one of those pri!ate opinions of my own that e!en my friends in the ("oxing industry( still dismiss as the fla#y gi""erish of a half smart writer who was doing o#ay with things li#e drugs, !iolence and presidential politics, "ut who couldn$t &uite cut the mustard in their world. 0oxing. These were the same people who chuc#led indulgently when 2 said, in /as Degas, that 2$d ta#e e!ery "et 2 could get on /eon Spin#s against Buhammad Ali at ten to one, and with any"ody who was seriously into num"ers 2 was ready to haggle all the way down to fi!e to one, or may"e e!en four. . . "ut e!en at eight to one it was somewhere "etween hard and impossi"le to get a "et down on Spin#s with any"ody in Degas who was e!en a fifty fifty "et to pay off in real money. Cne of the few consistent traits shared "y (experts( in any field is that they will almost ne!er "et money or anything else that might turn up in pu"lic on whate!er they call their con!ictions. That is why they are (experts.( They ha!e waltzed through that mine field of high ris# commitments that separates politicians from gam"lers, and once you$!e reached that plateau where you can pass for an expert, the "est way to stay there is to hedge all your "ets, pri!ate and pu"lic, so artistically that nothing short of a thing so "izarre that it can pass for an (act of *od( can damage your high priced reputation. . . 2 remem"er !i!idly, for instance, my frustration at Norman Bailer$s refusal to "et money on his almost certain con!iction that *eorge Foreman was too powerful for Buhammad Ali to cope with in Paire. . . And 2 also recall "eing slapped on the chest "y an Associated .ress "oxing writer in /as Degas while we were tal#ing a"out the fight one afternoon at the casino "ar in the Hilton. (/eon Spin#s is a dumb midget!" he snarled in the teeth of all the other experts who$d gathered on that afternoon to get each other$s fix on the fight. (He has a"out as much chance of winning the hea!yweight championship as this gu'." "This gu'" was me, and the A. writer emphasized his total con!iction "y gi!ing me a swift "ac#hand to the sternum. . . 2 ha!e tal#ed to him since, on this su"%ect, and when 2 said 2 planned to &uote him absolutel' verbatim with regard to his prefight wisdom in Degas, he seemed li#e a different man and said that if 2 was going to &uote him on his out"urst of pu"lic stupidity that 2 should at least "e fair enough to explain that he had ("een with Buhammad Ali for so long and through so many wild scenes that he sim&l' couldn*t go against him on this one." 4ell. . . this is my final ad!enture in fish wrap %ournalism and 2 fran#ly don$t gi!e a fuc# whether or not it ma#es sense to the readers. . . especially since you chintzy greedheads tried to put a dou"le page, full color H S ad right in the middle of this story. . .
S The name of this manufacturer was deleted at the last minute "y the pu"lisher after angry 3 greedy consultations with the +S ad!ertising department.

Somewhere in my files 2 ha!e a letter from Honda$s -.S. ad agency that says they would %ust as soon a!oid any image identification with R1223N( ST1N8. . . and those lameJtin "astards ha!e

397 heaped enough a"use on me o!er the years to ma#e me wonder what #ind of mentality we$re dealing with if they$!e come so far around the "end that they now want to put a gigantic Honda ad right in the middle of m' article. Fuc# those people. 2 wouldn$t ride a Honda to +ichard Nixon$s funeral. . . and in fact the last person 2 #new who owned a Honda was +on Piegler' that was down in San Clemente, %ust "efore The +esignation, and 2 recall that +on was eager to lend the thing to me, for reasons 2 ne!er &uite understood. . . "ut 2 remem"er a coc#tail party down at Nixon$s house, crazed on mescaline and "ending the casual el"ow with +on, Henry ,issinger, *eneral Haig and others of that stripe, who were all !ery friendly at that point in time. )!en to me. . . Annie /ei"o!itz was there and 2 was negotiating with Piegler a"out trading me his Honda for my P 1atsun for a few days, while Piegler$s deputy, *erald 4arren, was laughing with Annie a"out how ,issinger thought 2 was (an Air Force Colonel in mufti. . .( (Tell him he$s right,( 2 whispered to Annie. (Then let$s trade for Piegler$s "i#e and run it straight off the /aguna 0each pier tomorrow morning. 2$ll ta#e the "ugger out o!er the water at top speed while you get a few good shots, then 2$ll get off in midair "efore it hits. . . +ight, and we$ll gi!e +on an autographed photo from $The Colonel.$ ( 4hoops. . . here we go again, drifting "ac# to the good old days, when men were men and fun was fun and a well mannered Air Force 1octor could still ha!e coc#tails with the .resident without causing a scandal. That was ("efore the circus left town,( as 1ic# *oodwin put it so star#ly as we sat in a 4ashington peg house on the day of Nixon$s resignation. . . And, indeed, e!erything since then has "een downhill. Hamilton Aordan is too fat to ride a motorcycle and Aody .owell is too slow. AesusI How low ha!e we sun#I 4as +on Piegler the last free spirit in the 4hite HouseG Aimmy$s sister, *loria, rides a "ig Honda "ut they won$t let her north of Chattanooga and the rest of the family is laying low, wor#ing fe!erishly on a formula to con!ert peanuts into Swiss francs. Ah. . . mother of ra!ing *odI 4hat are we intoG How did we get down in this holeI And how can we get outG Cr more on the point how can this cross eyed story "e sal!aged, now that 2$!e spent a whole night "a""ling a"out +on Piegler and Hondas and that crowd of fla""y clu"foots in the 4hite HouseG 4hat a"out the rest of the storyG 4hat a"out serious %ournalismG And decenc'. . . And truthG and 0eauty. . . the )ternal Derities. . . and /aw 1ay in *eorgiaG Hes, that$s almost on us again, and this time they want me to deli!er the main address. 4hy notG For L6::,::: 2$ll do an'thing! %ust as long as the cash comes up front. . . 4hatG He *odsI 4hat ha!e 2 saidG Should we cut that last out"urstG Cr may"e %ust print the "ugger and get "raced for a Spin#s li#e assault from the Secret Ser!iceG No, this shit can$t go on. . . it could get me in serious trou"le. . . And what a tragedy it would "e if 2 got loc#ed up no"! after ten years of a"using the 4hite House for what were always good reasons. Piegler said it was "ecause 2 was crazy and ,issinger thought 2 was some #ind of rogue Air Force Colonel9 "ut my old friend .at 0uchanan called it (a character defect(. . . which may or may not ha!e "een true' "ut if calling +ichard Nixon a liar and a thief was e!idence of a (character defect,( what in the hell #ind of defect, disease or e!en "rain damage would cause a man to spend ten years of his life writing angry, self righteous speeches for +ichard Nixon and Spiro AgnewG "No 5ietcong 8ver /alled Me *Nigger.* " Buhammad Ali said that, "ac# in 67=8, and he almost went to prison for it which says all that needs to "e said right now a"out %ustice 3 gi""erish in the 4hite House. Some people write their no!els and others roll high enough to li!e them and some fools try

398 to do "oth "ut Ali can "arely read, much less write, so he came to that for# in the road a long time ago and he had the rare instinct to find that one seam in the defense that let him opt for a third choice9 he would get rid of words altogether and li!e his own mo!ie. A "rown Aay *ats"y not "lac# and with a head that would ne!er "e white9 he mo!ed from the !ery "eginning with the same instinct that dro!e *ats"y an endless fascination with that green light at the end of the pier. He had shirts for 1aisy, magic le!erage for 4olfsheim, a delicate and dangerously !ulnera"le Ali *ats"y shuffle for Tom 0uchanan and no answers at all for Nic# Carraway, the word %un#ie. There are two #inds of counter punchers in this world9 one learns early to li!e "y his reactions and &uic# reflexes, and the other the one with a taste for high rolling has the instinct to ma#e an aggressor$s art of what is essentially the defensi!e, sur!i!or$s style of the Counter .uncher. Buhammad Ali decided one day a long time ago, not long after his twenty first "irthday that he was not only going to "e ,ing of the 4orld on his o"n turf! "ut Crown .rince on ever'bod' else*s. . . 4hich is !ery, !ery $igh Thin#ing e!en if you can$t pull it off. Bost people can$t handle the action on whate!er they chose or ha!e to call their own turf' and the few who can usually ha!e "etter sense than to push their luc# any further. That was always the difference "etween Buhammad Ali and the rest of us. He came, he saw, and if he didn$t entirely con&uer he came as close as any"ody we are li#ely to see in the lifetime of this doomed generation. +es 2psa /o&uitor. Rolling Stone! K@=<, Bay 6>, 678>

B+1l+o*raph0 o5 Works 10 $r. Hunter S. Tho3pson, 10 /+h3 W+nsh+p

X N1 is used "elow as an a""re!iation for National 1bserver. (+enfro Dalley( Chicago ESundayF Tri"une' Fe"ruary 6>,67=@ ( $/eary Cptimism$ at Home for ,ennedy Disitor,( National 1bserver! Aune @;, 67=@, p. 66. Cn .resident Dalencia of Colom"ia. (No"ody 2s Neutral -nder Aru"a$s Hot Sun,( N1! Auly 6=, 67=@, p. 6;. 0ar chat and politics in Aru"a, with photo of Thompson on the "each. (The author, Hunter S. Thompson, is a free lance writer reporting for the National 1bserver during a lengthy tour of S. America.( (A Footloose American in a Smugglers$ 1en,( N1! August =, 67=@, p. 6?. Smuggling from Aru"a to Colom"ia, with photos "y Thompson. (1emocracy 1ies in .eru, 0ut Few Seem to Bourn 2ts .assing,( N1! August @8,67=@, p. 6=. Aftermath of .eru!ian election and su"se&uent coup, with photos "y Thompson. (How 1emocracy is Nudged Ahead in )&uador,( N1! Septem"er 68, 67=@, p. 6?. +ole of -.S.2.S. in )&uador. (0allots in 0razil 4ill Beasure the Allure of /eftist Nationalism,( N1! Ccto"er 6, 67=@, p. ;. -pcoming elections in 0razil. (Cperation Triangular9 0oli!ia$s Fate +ides 4ith 2t,( N1! Ccto"er 6<, 67=@, p. 6?. Tin mining, stri#es, etc.

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(-ruguay *oes to .olls, 4ith )conomy Sagging,( N1! No!em"er 67, 67=@, p. 6;. .olitics and economy in -ruguay. (Chatty /etters 1uring a Aourney from Aru"a to +io,( N1! 1ecem"er ?6,67=@, p. 6;. Samples of correspondence "etween Thompson and his editor, with photo of Thompson. (Trou"led 0razil Holds ,ey Dote,( N1! Aanuary 8, 67=?, p. 6, 6:. (2t$s a 1ictatorship, "ut Few Seem to Care )nough to Stay and Fight,( N1! Aanuary @>,67=?, p. 68. .araguay$s upcoming election and current situation. (0razilian Soldiers Stage a +aid in +e!enge,( N1! Fe"ruary 66, 67=?, p. 6?. Army soldiers destroy a clip %oint after some difficulties the wee# "efore. (Hunter S. Thompson, author of this account, is a National 1bserver special correspondent.( (/eftist Trend and )mpty Treasury .lague the /atin American *iant,( NC, Barch 66, 67=?, p. 66. )conomic conditions in 0razil after election. (A Ne!er Ne!er /and High A"o!e the Sea,( N1! April 6<, 67=?, p. 66. 0oli!ia$s political and economic pro"lems. ()lection 4atched as 0arometer of Continent$s Anti 1emocratic Trend,( N1! Bay @:,67=?, p. 6@. )lection in .eru. (A Time for Sittin$, /istenin$, and +e!erie,( N1! Aune ?, 67=?, p. 6= National Fol# Festi!al in Co!ington, ,y. A contrast in the music and the following morning$s newspapers. (He Haunts the +uins of His Cnce *reat )mpire,( N1! Aune 6:, 67=?, p. 6?. .light of the 2nca 2ndians in Cuzco, .eru. (,elso /oo#s Aust /i#e Any L6,?:8,::: Horse. . . A 1ay 4ith a Champion, . . .( N1! Auly 6<, 67=?, p. 6, 8. Disit with ,elso at 0elmont .ar#. (4hen the Thum" 4as a Tic#et to Ad!entures on the Highway. . . The )xtinct Hitchhi#er,( N1! Auly @@, 67=?, p. 6@. A super article. (At age @@ 2 set what 2 insist is the all time record for distance hitchhi#ing in 0ermuda shorts' ?,8:: miles in three wee#s.( (4here Are the 4riting Talents of HesteryearG( N1! August <, 67=?, p. 68. A re!iew of then current no!elists' Thompson as literary critic. (4hy Anti *ringo 4inds Cften 0low South of the 0order,( N1! August 67, 67=?, p. 6>. Thompson$s comments on Americans he o"ser!ed while in South America' the (-gly American( syndrome and its causes. (An Aussie .aul 0unyan Shows Cur /oggers How,( N1! Septem"er @, 67=?, p. 6@. .acific Coast /oggers Championship in Muincey, California. ()xecuti!es Cran# Cpen .hilosophy$s 4indows,( N1! Septem"er 7, 67=?, p. 6?. Cn Aspen 2nstitute for Humanistic Studies in Aspen, Colorado. (Cne of the 1ar#est 1ocuments )!er .ut 1own is $The +ed /ances,$ ( N1! Ccto"er 8, 67=?, p. 67. +e!iew of /atin American author Arturo -slar .ietri$s The Red 2ances. (Can 0razil Hold Cut -ntil the Next )lectionG( N1! Ccto"er @>, 67=?, p. 6?. (1onlea!y .ro!es His /unatic Humor 2s Criginal,( N1! No!em"er 66, 67=?, p. 68. +e!iew of A Singular Man "y A... 1onlea!y. (The Crow, a No!elist, and a Hunt' Ban in Search of His .rimiti!e Self,( N1! 1ecem"er @,67=?, p. 68. +e!iew of Dance 0our%aily$s The Knnatural 8nem'! a "oo# on "ird hunting. (4hat Biners /ost in Ta#ing an 2rishman,( N1! 1ecem"er 6=,67=?, p. ;. Comment on #idnapping of -S2S official Tom Bartin "y 0oli!ian tin miners.

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(4hen 0uc# Fe!er Hits /ar#spur$s Slopes,( N1! 1ecem"er 6=, 67=?, p. 6?. 1eer and el# hunting in Colorado' amateurs !s. experienced hunters. 1ateline (4oody Cree#.( (Southern City with Northern .ro"lems,( Re&orter! 1ecem"er 67, 67=? E!. @7F, p. @= @7. Study of integration in /ouis!ille, ,y. EThompson$s hometownF. (Br. Thompson is a free lance writer.( (And Now a .roletariat on Aspen$s S#i Slopes,( N1! Fe"ruary 6:,67=;, p. 6@. A stri#e "y Aspen$s s#i patrol "rings on Federal ar"itration. (The Catch is /imited in 2ndians$ $Fish 2n,$ ( N1! Barch 7, 67=;, p. 6?. Barlon 0rando$s attempt to regain fishing rights for 2ndians in 4ashington EStateF' "eginnings of current 2ndian rights campaign in -.S. (1r. .flaum /oo#s at the /atins, 0ut His Diew is Tired and Foggy( N1! Barch 7, 67=;, p. 67. +e!iew of Arena of ,ecision "y 2ri!ing .. .flaum. (4hen The 0eatni#s 4ere Social /ions,( N1! April @:, 67=;, p. 6, 6;. Bemoir of "eat scene in San Francisco. (0razilian$s Fa"le of a .hony Carries the Touch of Bar# Twain,( N1! April @:, 67=;, p. 68. +e!iew of Aorge Amado$s $ome 3s the Sailor. (*olding Tries $/ord of the Flies$ Formula Again, 0ut 2t Falls Short,( N1! April @8, 67=;, p. 6=. +e!iew of 4illiam *olding$s The S&ire. (4hat /ured Hemingway to ,etchumG( N1! Bay @<, 67=;, p. 6, 6?. Haunting consideration of why Hemingway mo!ed to ,etchum, 2daho, and his life there' discussion of writers in America, and the pressures of success. (4hither the Cld Copper Capital of the 4estG To 0oom or 0ustG( N1! Aune 6, 67=;, p. 6?. Thoughts on the future of 0utte, Bontana. (The Atmosphere Has Ne!er 0een Muite the Same,( N1! Aune 6<, 67=;, pp. 6, 6=. Change and friction on campus in Bissoula, Bontana' awa#ening student mo!ement in the -.S. (4hy Bontana$s $Shanty 2rishman$ Corrals Dotes Hear After Hear,( N1! Aune @@, 67=;, p. 6@. Bi#e Bansfield and his Bontana supporters. (/i!ing in the Time of Alger, *reeley, 1e"s,( N1! Auly 6?,67=;, pp. 6,6=. 1ateline9 .ierre, South 1a#ota men he has met while on the road, ("oomers( who tra!el loo#ing for wor#. stories of

(0agpipes 4ail, Ca"ers Fly as the Clans *ather,( N1! Septem"er 6;,67=;, p. 6@. Scottish *athering and *ames in Santa +osa, California. (Hou$d 0e Fried /i#e a .iece of /ean 0acon,( N1! Septem"er @>, 67=;, pp. 6, 67. Forest fires in California in late summer of 67=;. (.eople 4ant 0ad Taste. . . 2n )!erything,( N1! No!em"er @,67=;, pp. 6,6<. 2nflux of (topless %oints( in the North 0each neigh"orhood of San Francisco. (A Surgeon$s Fingers Fashion a /iterary Career,( N1! 1ecem"er @6, 67=;, p. 68. Cn 1r. +o"ert *eiger, B.1. and no!elist and his struggle to "e "oth. (Botorcycle *angs9 /osers and Cutsiders,( Nation! Bay 68, 67=< E!. @::F, p. <@@ @=. Article that e!entually turned into the "oo# $ell*s Angels: mainly concerned with distorted press co!erage of the Angels. +eprinted as9 (/osers And Cutsiders( in 5iolence in the Streets! compiled "y Shalom )ndleman. Chicago' Muadrangle 0oo#s, 67=>, pp. @<7 =7. (Nonstudent /eft,( Nation! Septem"er, @8, 67=< E!. @:6F, pp. 6<; <> Study of 0er#eley campus, Free Speech Bo!ement and California$s response' the non student population, its ethos and effects. (Collect Telegram from a Bad 1og,( S&ider Maga?ine! Ccto"er 6?, 67=<, .oem.

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$ell*s Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga! New Hor#9 +andom House, 67==. (/ife Styles9 the Cyclist,( 8s9uire! Aanuary 67=8 E!. =8F, pp. <8 =?. )xcerpt from $ell*s Angels. (Hell$s Angels,( The Ne" Journalism! Tom 4olfe, New Hor#9 Harper 3 +ow, 678?, pp. ?;: <<. )xcerpt from $ell*s Angels! with notes "y Tom 4olfe. (The $Hash"ury$ 2s the Capital of the Hippies,( Ne" )ork Times Maga?ine! Bay 6;, 67=8, pp. @> @7_. (The only way to write honestly a"out the scene is to "e a part of it.( Ep. 6@;F. (4hy 0oys 4ill 0e *irls,( -ageant! August 67=8, pp. 7; 6:6. (The -ltimate Freelancer,( The ,istant ,rummer! !. 6 no. 6, No!em"er 67=8. (.resenting9 The +ichard Nixon 1oll,( -ageant! Auly 67=>, pp. = 6=. (Bemoirs of a 4retched 4ee#end in 4ashington,( 0oston ESundayF (lobe! Fe"ruary @?, 67=7, pp. = 66. (Those 1aring Houng Ben in Their Flying Bachines,( -ageant! Septem"er 67=7, pp. => 8>. (The Temptations of Aean Claude ,illy,( Scanlan*s Monthl'! Barch 678:, !. 6 no. 6, pp. >7 6:: Thompson o"ser!ing the s#i champ as he merchandises himself. (The ,entuc#y 1er"y 2s 1ecadent and 1epra!ed,( Scanlan*s Monthl'! Aune 678:, !. 6 no. ;, pp. 6 6@. +eputed to "e the first piece of (*onzo Aournalism.( +eprinted in The Ne" Journalism Esee a"o!eF pp. 688 >8. (.olice Chief The 2ndispensa"le Bagazine of /aw )nforcement( "y +aoul 1u#e. Scanlan*s Monthl'! Septem"er 678:, !. 6 no. 8, pp. =? ==. Thompson, writing as 1u#e, airing his weapons fetish. (The 0attle of Aspen,( Rolling Stone K=8, Ccto"er 6, 678:, pp. ?: ?8. Thompson descri"es his run for sheriff. (The Aspen 4allposter( EAd!ertisementF, Scanlon*s Monthl'! Aanuary 6786, !ol. no. >, p. 7=. Bentions that issues 6 ; are already in print, K< coming. )ach poster contains graphics "y Thomas 4. 0enton on one side, (screed( "y Thompson on the other. )ight 4allposters were e!entually pu"lished. (Strange +um"lings in Aztlan,( Rolling Stone K>6, April @7, 6786, pp. ?: ?8. 1eathJmurder of +u"en Salazar and su"se&uent mood in /.A. "arrio. 1escri"es first meeting with Cscar Peta Acosta in the (1aisy 1uc#( in Aspen similar to the account in Acosta$s "oo#, Autobiogra&h' of a Aro"n Auffalo. /iner notes for9 Travelin* 2ad' "y +osalie Sorrels on Sire E.olydorF S2<7:@. +eleased August 6786. Thompson$s notes on "ac# of al"um co!er. (Bemo From the Sports 1es#9 The So Called $Aesus Frea#$ Scare,( "y +aoul 1u#e Rolling Stone ;7:, Septem"er @, 6786, p. @;. (Fear and /oathing in /as Degas9 A Sa!age Aourney to the Heart of the American 1ream,( "y +aoul 1u#e Rolling Stone K7<, No!em"er 66, 6786, pp. ?= ;>' and K7=, No!em"er @<, 6786, pp. ?> <:. 2llustrated "y +alph Steadman. Fear and 2oathing in 2as 5egas! New Hor#9 +andom House, 678@. Thompson's Coverage of the E ection Campaign for Roll+n* Stone (Fear @ /oathing in 4ashington9 2s This Trip NecessaryG( K77, Aanuary =, 678@, pp. < >. (Fear 3 /oathing 2n 4ashington9 The Billion .ound Shithammer,( K6:6, Fe"ruary ?, 678@, pp. = 6:. Contains his comments on (o"%ecti!e %ournalism.( (Fear 3 /oathing in New Hampshire,( K6:?, Barch @, 678@, pp. = 6@. Contains car ride with Nixon tal#ing foot"all

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story from 67=> campaign. (Fear 3 /oathing9 The Diew from ,ey 0iscayne,( K6:;, Barch 6=, 678@, p. 6;. Cn Nixon. (Fear 3 /oathing9 The 0anshee Screams in Florida,( K6:=, April 6?, 678@, pp. = 6;. Florida primary. (Fear and /oathing in 4isconsin,( K6:8, April @8, 678@, p. 6@. (Fear and /oathing9 /ate News from 0lea# House,( K6:>, Bay 66, 678@, pp. @= ?@. (Fear 3 /oathing9 Cran# Time on the /ow +oad,( K66:, Aune >, 678@. pp. ?= ;:. Ne"ras#a primary. (Fear 3 /oathing in California9 Traditional .olitics with a Dengeance,( K66@, Auly =, 678@, pp. =7> (Fear 3 /oathing9 2n the )ye of the Hurricane,( K66?, Auly @:, 678@, pp. @@ @;. (Fear 3 /oathing in Biami9 Cld 0ulls Beet the 0utcher,( K66<, August 68, 678@, pp. ?: ;=. 1emocratic con!ention. (Fear 3 /oathing in Biami9 Nixon 0ites the 0om"( K66>, Septem"er @>, 678@, pp. ?: ;=. (Fear 3 /oathing9 The Fat City 0lues,( K6@:, Ccto"er @=, 678@, pp. @> ?:. (As# Not For 4hom the 0ell Tolls . ..( K6@6, No!em"er 7, 678@, p. ;>. Final comment on election. (Fear 3 /oathing at the Super"owl9 No +est for the 4retched. . .( Rolling Stone K6@>, Fe"ruary 6<, 678?, p. 6:. 1iscusses early career as sportswriter against Super"owl "ac#drop. (Time 4arp9 Campaign 8@,( +olling Stone K6?>, Auly <, 678?, pp. ;> =@. )xcerpts from forthcoming Fear @ 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail. Fear and 2oathing: 1n the /am&aign Trail! San Francisco9 Straight Arrow 0oo#s, 678?. Collection of reports Thompson sent to Rolling Stone from Aanuary =, 678@ to Fe"ruary 6<, 678? with additions, corrections and introduction. (Bemo from the Sports 1es# 3 +ude Notes from a 1ecompression Cham"er in Biami,( Rolling Stone K6;:, August @, 678?, pp. > 6:. Thompson writing as +aoul 1u#e and himself. (Fear and /oathing at the 4atergate9 Br. Nixon Has Cashed His Chec#( Rolling Stone K6;;, Septem"er @8, 678?, pp. ?: ?7, 8? 7@. Numerous Steadman illustrations. (Fear and /oathing in the 0un#er,( The Ne" )ork Times! Aanuary 6, 678;, p. 67. Thompson$s comments on 678? and fearful predictions for 678;. America "y +alph Steadman, San Francisco9 Straight Arrow, 678;. 2ntroduction "y Thompson. (Fear and /oathing at the Super"owl,( Rolling Stone K6<<, Fe"ruary @>, 678;, pp. @> ?>, ;@ <@. /ater excerpted in Re&orting: The Rolling Stone St'le edited "y .aul Scanlon, *arden City, N.H.9 Anchor 1ou"leday, 6788, pp. @6< @7, with an introduction. +efers to North ,allas Fort' "y .ete *ent, a "oo# of some interest to Thompson scholars. (Fear and /oathing in 4ashington9 2t 4as a Nice .lace. They 4ere .rincipled .eople, *enerally.( ECo!er Title9 (The 0oys in the 0ag.(F Rolling Stone K6=; Auly ;, 678;, pp. ;@ ;8 (Fear and /oathing in /im"o9 The Scum Also +ises( Rolling Stone K686, Ccto"er 6:, 678;, pp. @> ?=, ;7 <@. +eaction to Ford$s pardon of Nixon. (The *reat Shar# Hunt,( -la'bo'! 1ecem"er 678;, p. 6>?_. (Fear and /oathing in Saigon9 2nterdicted 1ispatch from the *lo"al Affairs 1es#( Rolling Stone K6>8, Bay @@, 678<, pp. ?@ ?;. Thompson in Saigon as the Dietcong close in.

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(Fear and /oathing on the Campaign Trail $8=9 Third +ate +omance, /ow +ent +endez!ous,( Rolling Stone K@6;, Aune ?, 678=, pp. <; =;, >; >>. +efers to Aimmy Carter$s /aw 1ay Speech. The speech itself is excerpted in Rolling Stone K@@>, 1ecem"er 6=, 678=, p. 8@. (The 0anshee Screams for 0uffalo Beat9 Fear and /oathing in the *ra!eyard of the 4eird,( Rolling Stone K@<;, 1ecem"er 6<, 6788, pp. ;> <7. Cn Cscar Peta Acosta' his past, his disappearance. (/ast Tango in Degas9 Fear and /oathing in the Near +oom.( Rolling Stone K@=;, Bay ;, 678>, pp. ;: ;=' K@=<, Bay 6>, 678>, pp. =@ =>, 7> 6:6. Cn the Ali Spin#s championship "out. To "e pu"lished in 67879 The (reat Shark $unt New Hor#9 Summit 0oo#s, 6787. A collection of shorter pieces.

B+1l+o*raph0 o5 Works on $r. Hunter S. Tho3pson, 10 /+h3 W+nsh+p

(4hat $The Spire$ 2nspires Among +e!iewers,( National 1bserver! Aune 6, 67=;, p. 68. Bentions Thompson$s re!iew of The S&ire EN1! April @8, 67=; p. 6=F (2n and Cut of 0oo#s,( /ewis Nichols, The Ne" )ork Times Aook Revie"! Barch <, 67=8, p. >. 0rief discussion of Thompson$s trip to NHC to promote $ell*s Angels. (Thompson, Hunter,( /ontem&orar' Authors! 1etroit9 *ale, 67=>, !. 67 @:, p. ;@7 ?:. Standard "io. The 8lectric 0ool#Aid Acid Test! Tom 4olfe, New Hor#9 0antam, 67=7. 8:: Chapter 6?9 The Hell$s Angels pp. 6<: <6. 1escri"es how ,en ,esey met the Angels through Thompson. ( $Frea# .ower$ Candidate Bay 0e the Next Sheriff in .lacid Aspen, Colorado,( Anthony +ipley, photo "y 1a!id Hiser, The Ne" )ork Times! Ccto"er 67, 678:, p. ;;. (4ill Aspen$s Hippies )lect a SheriffG( )dwin A. +o"erts, Ar., National 1bserver! No!em"er @,678:, p. =. *ood photo of Thompson, sha!ed scalp, can of 0ud and large poster of A. )dgar Hoo!er in "ac#ground' excellent article. (Aspen +e%ects 0id of Hippie Candidate for Sheriffs Cffice,( The Ne" )ork Times! No!em"er B! 678:, p. ?@. Short A. news release. (Catcher in the 4ry,( Ne"s"eek! Bay 6,678@, p. =<. 4ith photo. (Co!ering .olitics and *etting High,( %omen*s %ear ,ail' credit, in San Francisco /hronicle! Auly 6:, 678@, p. 68. *ood photo of Thompson with "ottle of 0allantine Ale. (For Hunter Thompson, Cutrage 2s the Cnly 4ay Cut,( Henry Allen, Aook %orld E4ashington -ostI! Auly @?, 678@, p. ;. 2nter!iew and article. (The .rince of *onzo,( A. Anthony /u#as, More: A Journalism Revie"! No!em"er 678@, pp. ; 8. 2ncludes photo. The Autobiogra&h' of a Aro"n Auffalo! Cscar Peta Acosta, San Francisco9 Straight Arrow, 678@. Thompson may "e seen in the character of ,arl ,ing, Ch 6@, 6; 6<, p. 6?< 6;6, 6<8 6>6 (A .olitical 1isease,( ,urt Donnegut, Ar., $ar&er*s Maga?ine! Auly 678?, pp. 7@, 7;. A !ery fine re!iew. The Ao's on the Aus! Timothy Crouse, New Hor#9 +andom House, 678?, pp. <;, 76 7@, 6<7, @=:, @=6, ?66 67, ?=6. 0ased on writing for Rolling Stone K667, Ccto"er 6@, 678@' discusses Thompson$s co!erage of 678@ presidential campaign. Ks @ Them: $o" the -ress /overed the <JC= 8lection! Aames B. .erry, New Hor#9 Clar#son N. .otter 678?, pp. 8, 6:;, 668 6>, 686. 0rief references to Thompson$s political reporting.

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(/oathing and 2gnorance on the Campaign Trail9 678@,( 4ayne 0ooth, /olumbia Journalism Revie"! No!em"er 678?, pp. 8 6@. Critical discussion of Theodore 4hite$s The Making of the -resident <JC= and Thompson$s campaign co!erage' sets forth standard conser!ati!e o"%ections to Thompson$s style, methods, etc. (Hunter C. Thompson9 Commando Aournalist,( 2n (Cn the Scene,( -la'bo'! No!em"er 678?, p. 6>>. Short paragraph with photo. (.aranoia and 4ild Tur#ey9 Hunter Thompson in 0uffalo,( *ene *offin, Auffalo Ne" Times! Barch ?, 678;. *ood, "ut hard to find, article in a now defunct 0uffalo N.H., wee#ly paper. (.lay"oy 2nter!iew9 Hunter Thompson,( Craig Detter, -la'bo'! No!em"er 678;, p. 8<_. The ma%or "iographical source. (Trudeaumania,( Ne"s"eek! Aanuary 6?, 678<, p. ;7. Cn *arry Trudeau$s ,oonesbur': (/ast wee# he was parodying Rolling Stone writer Hunter Thompson.( (The Apocalyptic Fact and the )clipse of Fiction in +ecent American .rose Narrati!es,$$ Bas$ud Pa!arzadeh, Journal of American Studies! April 678<, !. 7 no. 6, p. =7. Truth outstripping fiction in wor# of Bailer, Thompson, 4olfe, etc. #ro3 The !o"rna of #op" ar C" t"re, Su33er 1>BE< (*onzo,( Aames *reen, pp. @:; @:. (The Frea#ing New Aournalism,( ,ent Aaco"son, pp. 6>? 7= 1iscusses ,entuc#y 1er"y article. $$There Shall 0e No Night,( )liza"eth /andreth, pp. 678 @:?. 1iscusses Thompson$s !iews of /as Degas as seen in Fear @ 2oathing in 2as 5egas. (4e$!e 0een Had 0y the New Aournalism9 A .ut 1own,( +o"ert A. Dan1ellen, p. @67. 1iscusses ,entuc#y 1er"y article. (Fear and /oathing at Rolling Stone!" Sandy +o!ner, 4ashington -ost! Bay ?:, 678<, 0, p. ?. Short article on Thompson$s departure from Rolling Stone. (Banifest 1estiny in .ago .ago,( Nicholas !on Hoffman 3 *arry Trudeau, Rolling Stone K67;, August @>, 678<, p. ?@_. .ictures and comment on Trudeau$s (-ncle 1u#e,( a character in 1oones"ury patterned after Thompson. The Fight! Norman Bailer, 0oston9 /ittle, 0rown, 678<, pp. ??, 66> @6. Bailer comments on Thompson in Paire to co!er Foreman Ali "out for Rolling Stone. (1oones"ury9 1rawing and Muartering for Fun 3 .rofit,( Time! Fe"ruary 7, 678=, pp. <8 ==. Co!er drawing of characters with -ncle 1u#e in the center' photo, drawing and famous comment "y Thompson re9 Trudeau, (2f 2 e!er catch the little "astard, 2$ll tear his lungs out.( $Thompson, Hunter,( /ontem&orar' Authors! 1etroit9 *ale, 678=, !. 68 @:, First +e!ision, p. 8@>. Standard "io, updated from earlier /A. (Tra!els Through America,( Harrison ). Salis"ury, 8s9uire! Fe"ruary 678=, p. @>_. Thompson on pp. ;? ;; comments on !iolence in American history and life. (1r. Hunter S. Thompson and a New .sychiatry,( Arnold A. Bandell, B.1., -s'chiatr' ,igest! !. ?8, pp. 6@ 68. +eprint Barch 678= "y Bedical 1igest, 2nc. 1iscussion of Thompson$s drug inta#e and its effects on his prose style. (New .sychiatry,( 4illiam Stuc#ey, Science ,igest! Barch 678=, pp. @= ?;. 1iscusses 1r. Bandell$s article. (T+09 4hat Carter$s Not,( Ne" Re&ublic! Aune, 678=, p. @. Cpinions on Aimmy Carter, including Thompson$s, which is prefaced, (And here is an unusual character witness. . .( (Fear and /oathing and +ipping Cff,( T. *riffith, Time! Auly 6, 678=, pp. <@ <?. (Chec#ing in with 1r. *onzo,( -la'bo'! No!em"er 678=, p. @<;. Short article with photo. (The +olling Stone Saga, .art Two,( +o"ert Sam Anson, Ne" Times! 1ecem"er 6:, 678=, p. @@_. /ongest article a!aila"le on Thompson$s time at Rolling Stone! numerous photos.

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(Bem"er of the /ynching,( Craig Detter, As&en Antholog'! 4inter 678=, pp. =? >:. A gonzo memoir "y the author of the .lay"oy inter!iew, concerning mutual ad!entures in 4ashington, 1.C., in the summer of 678;. The Aook of 2ists! 1a!id 4allechins#y, New Hor#9 Borrow, 6788. (6@ 4riters 4ho +an E-nsuccessfullyF for .u"lic Cffice,( p. @;<, (6< .eople 4ho Ha!e Ta#en .eyote or Bescaline,( p. ;:;. (The /ast /augh,( *eorge .limpton. Ne" )ork Revie" of Aooks! August ;, 6788, p. @. .limpton$s article is on death 3 death fantasies' mentions that Thompson has contri"uted one to a forthcoming "oo#, Shado" Ao . Shado" Ao ! *eorge .limpton, New Hor#9 *... .utnam$s Sons, 6788. Numerous Thompson stories' the "oo# is indexed, "ut it$s worth the time to read the whole thing. (Hunter Thompson9 The good doctor tells all. . . a"out Carter, cocaine, adrenaline and the "irth of *onzo Aournalism,( +on +osen"aum, $igh Times! Septem"er 6788, pp. ?6 ?7. (/iterary /asagna,( Charles T. .owers, Rolling Stone! Ccto"er =, 6788, p. ;8. 2nter!iew with )laine ,aufman of ()laine$s( in NHC' she descri"es cashing a chec# for Thompson as if it were a high wire act. (After 0egelman9 The 4hiz ,ids Ta#e C!er,( Baureen Crth, Ne" )ork! Aune 6@, 678>, pp. <7 =;. Bentions film in progress on Thompson. (The Aspen Story,( 1utside! Septem"erJCcto"er 678>, p. @<_. Three articles on Aspen, with mentions of Thompson$s run for Sheriff' photo on p. ??. (Notes from the 0attle of New Crleans,( *eorge .limpton, Rolling Stone K@88, No!em"er @, 678>, pp. <@ <=. Article on the second Ali Spin#s hea!yweight title fight' reference to HST as intended colla"orator for this article on p. <<.

S,an "otes, 2@.A< .roofed carefully against 1T, italics intact. Bany words that typically ha!e special characters in them Esuch as cafeF were not printed that way in the "oo# while others Esuch as !is U !isF sometimes were and sometimes were not. )!erything was reproduced in this file exactly as it appeared in the "oo#, aside from se!eral corrections of o"!iously transposed letters. 2n Fear and 2oathing at the Su&er Ao"l, at the end of Section 22, Thompson indicates that there is going to "e a transcript of a discussion "etween him and se!eral of the +aiders players. This did not appear in the "oo# 2 scanned, so 2 chec#ed another different edition and it did not appear in there either. Hou$ll ha!e to ma#e it up for yourself if you want to read it.