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Dr Justin Coulson is a parenting author, founder of happyfamilies.com.au (happyfamilies.com.au), and Kidspots Parenting Expert. Follow him on Facebook (www.facebook.com/happyfamilies.au).
Puberty creates some interesting challenges for teenagers and their parents. One of the most interesting of these challenges is the crazy rush of hormones that can drive our teens boy- or girl-crazy.
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Dont make your kids feel like theres something wrong with them if they suddenly develop an interest in potential romantic partners. Theyre supposed to have that interest even if wed prefer they wait another few years! Dont tease your kids for showing interest in others. Teasing can make them feel insecure about their feelings, but more than that, it can make them less likely to talk to you when they need you. Dont ban friends and relationships. Banning it wont work. It simply pushes the relationship into the shadows where you cant see it. (I know of one girl who was told by her dad not to call or text a boy. She just changed his name to a girls name in her phone and he was none the wiser.)
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Do talk about relationships a lot and from an earlier age than you think may be necessary. Research tells us that ongoing communication between parents and teens reduces the likelihood that teens will have sex (only a little bit), and greatly increases the likelihood that theyll be careful if/when they do. Research also tells us that teenagers are more likely to say no to unwanted sex (or sex under pressure) when they speak to their parents regularly about intimacy.
Do make sure the communication is two-way, rather than a lecture. Studies clearly show that the effect of parent-child communication on what teens decide to do depends a LOT on who does the talking and what is being said. The conversation must be interactive, rather than dominated by parents, to lead to buy-in from the teenager.
Do teach values more than behaviours. What does this mean? Our teens are more likely to resist pressures, manage their hormones and keep their dignity when they understand and internalise our values. For example, research among girls with open-minded, liberal parents shows that talking about sex with their parents is associate with more, rather than less, sexual activity because those parents are more likely to endorse it. Comparatively, among more conservative parents, conversations with teens promote less sexual activity but see the first two dos to understand how and why this works.
A parents guide to surviving your teens first love (http://parenting.kidspot.com.au/a-parents-guide-tosurviving-your-teens-first-love/#.UgmCxmT8-Jw) Teens and sex parents are the best sex educators (http://www.kidspot.com.au/,http://www.kidspot.com.au/Parenting-Teen-Parents-are-the-best-sexeducators+7052+751+article.htm) Sex on the first date: Can we teach our teens to wait? (http://parenting.kidspot.com.au/sex-on-the-firstdate-can-we-teach-teens-enough-self-respect-not-to-do-it/)
The break-up: Helping your teen through heartbreak (http://www.mamiverse.com/the-break-up-helpingyour-teen-through-heartache-3867/) from The Mamiverse Teenagers and sexual behaviour (http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Teenagers_sexual_behaviour) from The Better Health Channel
Three lessons to teach your teen about sex (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/promoting-empathyyour-teen/200910/three-lessons-teach-your-teen-about-sex) from Psychology Today
Are y ou dealing wit h a boy -crazy or girl-crazy t een at t he moment ? H ow are y ou coping?
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