2013.11.24 I feel like I am a thousand years old. It doesnt seem possible logical rational permissible.

How can it be that when I look at the stars, in all their Distance, their silence, their burning Fury, I see a glimmer of a reflection? Does a white dwarf, a neutron star, or a black hole lie at my heart? To know that those small specks are raging infernos Well were since distance is time and all things are Finite. Is the knowledge crippling or enhancing or both? To know that the behemoths at the top of the main Sequence die young; those in the middle climb a red branch of Doom, only to sputter and wheeze as they bloat. But, not all is lost as they lose control. For in dying, the seeds of new life are spread throughout space and Time. To look out across the plains of the cosmos and see Rebirth, renewal, return yields hope. For the future is Uncertain, if not for the certainty of the past. *chuckles* --------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel like Im a thousand years old. It doesnt seem possible logical rational... permissible. How can it be that when I peer down into the fabric of Reality and see the jostling Menagerie of clones following, without Question, the rules of the universe, I see a glimmer of a reflection? Do I act most like a lepton, a quark, or a gauge boson? To know that those small specks are stampeding torrents Well were since position and momentum are merely Probabilities. Is the knowledge crippling or enhancing or both? To know that an electron, when faced with a fork in the

Road, takes not just the road not taken but the Other, as well; Or when faced with opposition, together they chose Mutual Annihilation. But, not all is lost as they lose control. For in dying, a photon is born. Destined to travel the Chasm of the void, unless impeded by an Obstacle. Most simply all the little quanta a chance to Bounce, but one object firmly takes hold and never lets go, Save its own gradual dissolve. Rebirth, renewal, return yield hope. For the future is Uncertain, if not for the certainty of the past. *chuckles* --------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel like Im a thousand years old. I often sit and wonder evolve grow replicate. Like the countless variations that have come Before me. Step by Step Change by Change Randomly Purposeful. And, purposeless. So many of the Same thing, yet different. The vast connection that I am a part of, is simultaneously empowering and devouring. Its important to note that Im an animal, an ape, Homo sapiens sapiens. But more than that, a collection of organisms, all working Together. From the wee hours of morning to the darkest reaches of the Night. Their hum is both loud and silent, their determination both Strong and weak, they are static and transitory. They are Me and I am them. Together we stab at the forever Fleeting moment in an effort to grab some semblance of Life. While the moment might be lost, we understand the Cost. For I am not the same as I was, nor will I be. Each Transition, from now to now, offers what it will. With my tiny Army that is me, we wage our war only to lose at the very End. --------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel like Im a thousand years old. I often sit and wonder evolve

grow replicate. Like the countless connections that have come, Gone, and continue to form. Reaching out Across the mindscape I emerge without Choice. With purposeful intent I discover my Purposelessness. This phases me not, for I must Define myself despite the knowledge. The vast Connection that I am, is simultaneously empowering and devouring. Its important to note that Im neurons, synapses, dendrites. But more than that, a complexity of information, always on the Prowl. Never resting never ceasing always searching for More. The information for which I am, while built on Physical systems, has an insatiable appetite for the stuff it is Made of. (Ha!) Ironic how fleeting apparitions crave that which is Fleeting. Cast to the shadows of mental disarray we must All find ourselves. Together we stab at the forever in an effort to grab some semblance of Life. While in the future this information will be lost, we understand the Cost. How can I fear a state for which I will Never be? For to exist implies only speculation of the state of Non-existence, by definition. Console myself, I must, for life is too Valuable to succumb to death. With my tiny army that is me, we wage our war Only to win to capture this very Moment. --------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel like Im a thousand years old. I have seen many faces smiles tears lies. Where do you stand out at, in the crowd? Where do I? A never-ending sea of faces but only a small Subsample for memories and an even smaller collection for the Moment. How many of you have I touched? How many have Touched me? Would I know or recognize such a Sensation? Would you? Only from my fortress of Solitude do I gain perspective, or so it is thought. Isolation for a social animal can only be taken in small

Doses, for too much loneliness not only eats away at me but You, too. I must bear in mind the you, we, us. For you comprises everyone that is not I. It is hard to Know you. While there are many similarities, there are just enough Differences to make it difficult. But so long as you are up to it, I will be there. When we finally get around to it, what will We be like? Because that is just it. Our separate units are One thing, but together emerges the we, a new concept, a Transformative event. If we persist, then we can call it us. It is far more difficult to define us, yet somehow, in that state, it is Easy. For us, the bound is beyond atomic, chemical, molecular, biological But only me and you, together as we, can know the us. How many different connections are there? Is quantity important? Why So many questions? Why not? Only on the cusp of something interesting do the Questions come forth from the darkness. Together, you and I and all of us have to stand, Hand-in-hand, and face the darkness. For the darkness will have us if we Fail to realize that all you and I have each other. Nothing more potentially, everything less. --------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel like Im a thousand years old. I have seen many faces smiles tears lies. It is difficult to find a place in History. Does anyone really choose to become a Part of it? If not remembered, at least a shadow of a Whisper of a memory will remain. To not be known, Since how can s memory of a memory of a memory Is it really the quest? Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Aristotle, John Locke, Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens And yet it seems the human condition is biased, judgmental, vindictive. Peering back, over and under makes me want to fix my Eyes forward, without regard. Everyone learns it, at some Point, and calls it into action, at all points. Or is it the Other-way-around? Hard to say. Conservatives on the right, Progressives on the Left, Liberals in the middle. Blurry it becomes, looking along the Lines. How can we grow when everyone thinks so highly of what

They know. For a moment: take a step back, question your conviction, ponder Curiously, accept the opposition repeat indefinitely. What will you Find when you question even time? Question long, deep, and hard. Seek your passions, work Not a day in your life. Struggle you will, wounded you will Be; broken, possibly. Defeated? That is up to you. When the Valley of green grows dark as the sun begins to set, what will You do? Flail around the blackness and let it consume? The Alternative is always more difficult, but what dream is not worth The light of risk? --------------------------------------------------------------------------I feel like I am a thousand years old. Searching back through the vestiges of who I was who I am who I will be. It is so hard to imagine myself at this state, Harder still to imagine what lies beyond. The Feeling so lonely, this feeling. Knowing that even as I Try to connect, work hard at it, persist regardless, that my Experience are not known by those I reach out to. So Young, so nave, so carefree. This geriatric feeling makes me Wonder if Ive skipped parts of my life, or worse, life is Backwards. Will I literally be an old man and feel Young? An empty question, since only the moment carries Value. To feel like a thousand years old is lonely oh, so lonely. Ive been waging war with myself for centuries; battle after Battle, victory becomes defeat life becomes death Never-ending. No kernel of happiness can be extracted from a war Torn heart. Ive been dying all by myself for centuries. Its not the agony of Loneliness that hurts, anymore, but rather the tolerance of loneliness that Aches to the core. This thick shield of conceit and contempt must Weaken. Blow after blow, how long will it stand? How long will I allow it to Stand? Ive been crying all by myself for centuries. Raining tears of pain to the sound of Thunder that only I can hear. Do you even try? Will my eyes ever Dry? Now each tear only adds to the ocean of loss that has drained my Soul. Have I reached a point of no return?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------When you feel like you are a thousand years old; When you feel like you have no one left to turn to; When you feel the heavy weight of your heart: When seconds feel like hours and hours feel like seconds; When pain cascades and happiness fades; When the beating of a heart no longer warms; When the strength of a gaze reveals the loss of humanity; When the loss of humanity reveals the underpinning fragility; When days give way to months years decades When all you can do is write your thoughts, since no one is listening; When you finally realize what must be done Have COURAGE Stay STRONG GET UP PUSH ON NEVER SURRENDER ALWAYS SMILE STAND TALL CARRY ON LIVE LOVE LAUGH And, above all, when you hear your soul bleed slowly: I feel like I am a thousand years old, Know deeply, that you have achieved something that few will ever achieve wisdom.