Target Audience-Script: Analysis

1. Is it clear whats happening in the script? G-Yep. Theyre planning to have a meal, but their daughter is causing problems for them. J-Yep. Two people are on some kind of a romantic getaway. The man has anger issues. Daughter is being disobedient, so her murders her. GM-Yep. It is clear that Adam is violent, short tempered, Chloe is a rebellious child, and Harley is a loving mother, but intimidated and scared. JK-Yes. Couple preparing for anniversary celebration, Chloe is being selfish and watching TV loudly. Everybody I asked understood what the story was. The could clearly see that there was a couple preparing for an anniversary meal, but their rebellious child was causing problem for them by creating loud noise, thus revealing the mans anger issues, leading to the daughters murder. They also understood the characters themselves, seeing that the man is violent, the daughter is rebellious, and the woman is loving, but scared. This tells me that I have created a script which is clearly understood, and characters which are also not too difficult to interpret, however can still be interpreted differently. 2. Does the dialogue fit the situation? G-Yeah. Shut that fucking racket up-as the noise is getting louder hes getting more annoyed, shows hes angry. J-Yep. Shut that fucking racket upGM-Yes. Two lines only, but fits nicely with action and tension. Silence makes more intimidating atmosphere. JK-Not much dialogue. Shut that fucking racket up-violent and brutal. Make me-might need to say something more to provoke the stabbing. More emphasis on Chloes volatile nature. Three people agreed that the line where the man shouts at the daughter was particularly realistic, and fit well. This is because you can see, from this violent and brutal command, how as the noise is getting louder, he is getting angrier. They identified that there was not much dialogue, however it fit well with the action, and helped to create tension. Especially as there was more use of silence. Lastly, one person pointed out that Chloes challenge to the man may need to be worked on, as there could be more emphasis on Chloes volatile nature. This tells me that I could benefit from a few more lines of dialogue, as well as refining the lines I already have to represent the characters, and their situation as best I can.

3. Do you feel that there was an effective balance of intrigue and explanation in the story? G-Yes. Intrigued at the bit where Chloe slams the door. Explained well when he fell to the ground, and Harley went over to him. A good balance. J-Intrigued when you could see Adam was getting annoyed. Explained well throughout, didnt know what Adam was going to do, but you understood. what was going on. GM-Intrigued when Adam got more and more violent. Nice, normal home, then you see somethings going on in the household, not normal. Explained well Harleys character not sure what to do, weak physically, important for the script. Interesting on what he was going to do next. JK-Intrigued Shut that fucking racket up-violent and forthright. First scene quite conventional, however, so less engaging. Engaged with meat cleaver part-quite horrific. Explained well in the first bit, as the beginning was establishing the scene, so after that there was more to be unravelled. I can see that the most engaging parts are the parts with the most going on, the most horrific action, such as the mans violent and forthright command, and when he picks up the meat cleaver. I can also see that the script explained things best in the parts containing both the woman and the man, for example when he falls to the floor and she picks him up, and the beginning where the scene is being established. Lastly, all agreed that the balance was right. This tells me that my script has an interesting balance of horrific action and good characterisation-especially when it comes to Harleys character, and the couples relationship. Therefore, I will work on making that characterisation even stronger.

4. Do you understand the problem? What issues do you think are explored around this? G- Violence. Towards the end violence is most important. However, Chloe is also causing problems. Issues-weak relationships. J-Yeah. Adams mental problems. Issues-mental disorder, anger problems. GM-Yep. Adam is the violent father, so violence in the household. Issues-broken homes, violence, abuse, domestic abuse is the main issue. JK-Yes. The character of Chloe is keeping the couple from having their romantic meal. Not most important problem, however, Adams tendency to stab is more important. Issues-working class England, violence within the working class, lack of privacy (however previous environment served this better because it was more confined). Different problems were identified, such as violence, mental health, and the daughters rebellion-although most overlapped. Some people stated that there was a greater problem, than Chloes rebellion, in Adams murdering his daughter. Thus showing some

serious mental issues. Different issues were also seen, for example weak relationships, both family and romantic, working class and the violence within, broken homes, domestic abuse. Lack of privacy was also an issue that arose, however it was believed that the original setting of a caravan portrayed it better. Whilst I agree, it is unfortunate that the setting must remain change. I will, however, work on portraying these issues in a more precise way. 5. Is there an effective balance of dialogue and action? G-Yeah because the dialogue is more towards the end, you have the way they act to portray emotions. Adam could, perhaps, reply to Chloes challenge. J-Yeah. Not much dialogue, but too much would ruin it. GM-Yes. Action is very powerful, equals out for what the situation is. Tense situation, not dialogue is best. JK-There should be more. Good that the dialogue was managed to be cut down. However, especially when Chloe says Make me, for Adams anger to escalate from shouting to stabbing, the dialogue would have to be more progressive. Maybe some kind of insult from Chloe. The answers are split in half here, with two people saying the script could benefit with more dialogue-for example, the man could reply to the daughters challenge, and the Daughter should say something more than just Make me, as the mans anger escalates, the dialogue should be more progressive-whilst the other two said that too much dialogue would ruin it, as the action is very powerful, and as it is a tense situation, not a lot of dialogue works well. I agree that there could be more dialogue, however, I am not going to add much more, and I am going to take the advice of Chloe perhaps shouting an insult at the man, thus increasing the tension. 6. Do you think the stakes are high enough? G-Yeah. Theyre sitting at the meal. He could storms into Chloes room, but risks ruining his relationship. J-Yes. Risk of killing someone, you can see he is angry. GM-Yeah. Theyre so intimidated they cant actually say anything, theyre living in this bubble, so afraid, anything could happen, like at the end he murders her. If they had said something earlier they could of avoided it, perhaps. Also, what will happen to Harley after? JK-Yeah. Might be good to accentuate what this day means to the protagonist. Stress how important this day is, so he cannot afford to have it ruined. Everybody agreed that the stakes were high enough, and could clearly identify the risks. The risks of ruining the relationship and murder were seen. It was interpreted that the couple are too afraid to say anything to the daughter, thus encouraging her rebellion.

Creating the thought that if they had said something earlier, perhaps Chloe would not have been murdered. This raises issues of bad parenting. My main problem within the script was the the couples anniversary risks being ruined, however th ese are also quite important. I am going to make this problem clearer, however, by stressing how important it is to the protagonist. 7. What was the overall meaning of the story? G-The violence of the man. J-Not sure. GM-About homelife, and how everyones is not the same. How violent Adam is. Again, how they could of said something before, perhaps saving Chloe (I dont know if she is dead or not), but this happens all the time, and nobody notices. JK-Noise pollution causes stabbings. Most people seemed to be unsure about the meaning. This tells me that I need to present it better, exploring issues more deeply, and representing the characters in more depth. One person said that the overall meaning was the terrible consequences of noise pollution, which is the meaning I was going for as noise pollution is instantly relatable. Another person, however, stated that the meaning was about the differences in homelife, the violence that occurs in some, and how it often goes unnoticed. I can see from this that different meanings can be taken from my script, showing it is an interesting and diverse situation. 8. Do you feel that this script shows a situation that could happen in real life? G-Violence does go on, but im not sure if it would happen be cause of loud noise. J-Yeah. If Adam had some serious mental issues. Can relate to parents getting annoyed at children, but more extreme. GM-Yeah. A lot of people are so afraid, they dont say anything, so it could be happening to anyone, but nobody would know. Can relate to family arguments. JK-To an extent. Chloe would have to do a lot more to get stabbed, so should raise the stakes. Perhaps she throws something at them, or turns the music louder. Can be related to annoying neighbours with barking dogs, as well as a baby. I can see that, to a certain extent, this situation is relatable. Firstly, the violence is relatable, as domestic abuse does happen, as well as stabbing, although it might not happen because of loud noises. Family arguments is also relatable, but again the script may be showing it at its extreme. Also, annoying, loud neighbours is quite often relatable. The daughter, however, should do more to get stabbed, such as throwing something at them, or insulting them. Thus raising the stakes. Something which the script would benefit from them, and has been mentioned before.

9. Would you like to direct it? G-Yes. Its interesting. J-Its interesting so yes. GM-Yes. Interesting story, very tense, and the action, and shots that would be usedperhaps fast, close-ups. Building up tension, building the pace, and keeping you on the edge of your seat. JK-Yeah. Entertaining story, unlike other short films which feel like youve just gone through absolutely nothing. Everybody agreed they would want to direct it. A common reason was because it is an interesting story, due to the tension, and the action. One person could practically envision how they would direct it, with fast paced editing, and close-ups to build the pace. This shows me that my script, and the story, is interesting to people, and would potentially keep an audience engaged. 10. What emotions did you think the screenwriter was aiming to trigger? G-Sympathy towards Harley, and Adam-before he stabs Chloe. J-It is quite comedic, but dark. So a dark comedy. GM-The audience would feel afraid, and would be more aware of this situation. JK-Shock. The stabbing reminds me of horror, so more dark and horrific. The way a mundane situation escalates to the extreme-again should be examined more closely. I felt surprised by the stabbing, and that the mother didnt do anything. It implies theyre both cold hearted, psychopaths-might need to explore Harleys personality more, so more characterisation. A variety of emotions were felt by each person, some feeling sympathy towards the couple, others feeling afraid, and shocked. A dark comedic edge to the situation was identified, as well as full on horror at the end with the stabbing. Again, however, the characterisation should be examined more closely, as some f elt the woman didnt do much to help the daughter, thus implying that the couple are both psychopaths-which I do not want. As well as the way the mundane escalates to the extreme should be work on. I can develop dialogue, action, and characterisation to help create an effective situation. 11. What part of the script did you find emotionally engaging? Where did you feel most distanced? G-The bit when they get interrupted at the meal. Most distanced, however, at first when they are first introduced. J-The ending when he murdered her. Most distanced, however, at the beginning because nothing much was going one, but this will probably be different on the screen.

GM-When Harleys character doesnt want the drink, and is trying to stay away from him. She is living in horror, she doesnt know what to do. I didnt feel distanced. JK-The ending as it was the most eventful. Most distanced, however, when Chloe said Make me because her reaction was quite mundane compared with what was going to happen to her. People were most emotionally engaged in both the ending-as it was the most eventful, and disturbing-, and when Harleys character doesnt want the drink, as we can see she is living in horror, not knowing how to deal with this terrible situation. The majority felt most distanced, however, at the beginning, when the characters are first introduced. One person, however, said that they felt most distanced when the daughter shouted Make me, as it is a quite mundane reaction compared for what is about to befall her. Therefore, I should develop the characterisation, and focus-but not wholly-on the beginning.