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Eileen Jakeway Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English 1103 8/24/13 A World of Words Can you repeat the word? Use it in a sentence? Whats the definition? Deep breath. Todum. T. O. D. U. M. Todum. That is incorrect. Mrs. Townsend opens up her arms to me but it is not her that I look at through tearblurred eyes. My dad stands looking at me, beaming with one of the brightest smiles I have ever seen on his face. Its okay, dearyes, it is. But thats not how it feels when I return to Mrs. Hulings third grade classroom out in the trailers and the first story we read is Carving the Totem Pole. I sit. I stare. I laugh out loud. What the heck is a totem pole?! Oh, of course. It is that tree with faces on it. That word unfamiliar to me, just 2 days prior at the state spelling bee, was there on the page, popping out at me like some sort of perverted joke. At that moment, that most ironic snippet of my life when I did not even fully grasp what irony was, I was finally able to see how the letters, the words, the stories, the books were intertwined with my life. Words are made of letters. Letters that belong, that are right. Letters that compose words that mean things. And those things making up the larger events in the daily routine that defines life. The third definition in the Websters Unabridged version of the dictionary, available only in the library. Totem- a reddish, brown hue. I painted my room totem. Right. That tree with faces on it. The events leading up to my fall to the totem pole involve one of my proudest academic accomplishments, when I won the school spelling bee as a third-grader. Not only did I beat out

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Everett, my then arch-nemesis and puppy love crush, but I even took down child prodigy Emily Andreoli, the fifth grader. To this day, I can remember the sense of elation and joy I felt that day and the excitement with which I viewed the world. After that day, I spent countless hours in the company of words, preparing for the state-wide spelling bee in Charlotte. At least one hour a day was my designated practice time, studying the way letters looked, sounded and felt in that compact yellow book. It all happened so fast from thereDad driving me down to the city, past the billboard advertising used boats, my waning confidence in a room full of kids 2 years ahead of me, my sweating palms as I was asked my name and school, the immediate lump that formed in panic when I heard the word and then exploded in my throat when I realized, just like that, I had failed. Failure. Just another word. Just a couple letters. The decisions I had made, the letters I had chosen were wrong. But behind that, was all the blood, sweat and tears I had poured into this competition, the love and pride and support my family and teachers showed me. And in knowing that I had made a mistake, I learned that I had the capacity within me to make the right choices later on. Just like when I saw the same word, in a different context in class-time, I learned the more common usage of the word, as well as how I would deconstruct words in the future. Totem still haunts me to this day. But it shows me, proves to me through the clarity of my memory and the vividness of my experience, the power of just a single word. Not only that words can mean many different things and get their meanings just as much from interpretation and context as syntax and semantics, but that the power of many words have the ability to craft and create experiences in themselves. Ive adopted this way of looking at a world of words because I believe that we use language to make sense of our surroundings and of our experiences. They stand for something. And although they might stand for the wrong thing, or

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are used in an entirely inaccurate context, there is a constant interaction between human beings and words, whether we are conscious of it or not. What is in a word? Is it a moment, an experience or a feeling? It is all of those things. Words become places become memories. Memories that we remember through words that lead us to recall the essence of our lives, past and present. Mastering language takes effort and commitment, just like living to the full extent of ones potential. My journey to literacy has always been driven by my personal experience, like my love for reading and passion for writing, resulting in participation in things like the spelling bee. However, it took me a long time to recognize and articulate my passion for language. I found that there are universal truths embodied by literature that teach us not only how to live, but how to create. The interactions Ive had with language have made me reflect, feel and wonder. Ive learned how to think and how to craft my own opinions, ideas and beliefs. By recognizing and appreciating that literacy is an indivisible part of our lives, even contributing to how we experience it at all, I think we get one step closer to being a better human being. My experience at the spelling bee was shocking, real. It was an obvious way of showing the immense impact words can have on our lives. But if we really try, I would argue, it is just as important to listen and feel every word. To experience it with every fiber, so that we might access something beyond the world we think we can perceive. As a third grader, I had no idea what totem meant. I listened for the syllables and tried desperately to construct meaning from something I could not understand. This in itself is a process of discovery that repeats itself over and over as I move on to other environments that I have never encountered before. Using the skills I acquired in elementary school, to work with what Ive got and to look for meaning in other places, will hopefully help me to continue this literacy narrative and learn even more about the world.