First draft Learning Support: Breast cancer risk factors and its prevention Breast cancer is a disease in which

cells become abnormal and form more cells in an uncontrolled way around the breast region. In a more scientific way of define it, it is a cancerous growth that inherits the tissues in the breast. (Patients Medical, 2013) Breast cancer does occur in women and men but for women, the chance of having it is bigger than men. It is the most common cancer among women especially in the United States. Breast cancer is also known as the second-leading cancer killer of women in the United States, after lung cancer. Based on the breast cancer statistics in 2009, 211731 women in the United States were diagnosed with breast cancer and 40676 women in the United States died from breast cancer. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2012) These statistics are really threatening and it arouses our concern as well as attention towards it. Therefore, it is very crucial for us to know the factors that affect a womans risk of breast cancer and its prevention in order to reduce the likelihood of developing it. There are many risk factors contributing to breast cancer but there is no clear statement saying that why someone may develop breast cancer and another may not. Even experts are not very sure about it. However, they found out that age is the main risk factor of developing breast cancer. Risk goes up as a woman grows older. Over 80% all female breast cancers occur among women aged 50 or above who have been through menopause. (Medical News Today, 2012) Besides, family history determines the risk of getting breast cancer too. If we have any close relatives who have had breast cancer under 50 years old, we may be eligible for surveillance of breast cancer. Most breast cancer cases are not hereditary. However, particular genes, known as BRCA1 and BRCA2, can increase our breast cancer risk. It is possible for these genes to be passed on from a parent to their child. A third gene (TP53) is also associated with increased risk of breast cancer. (NHS, 2012) Next, if we have previously diagnosed of breast cancer, we may be more at risk of developing it again, either in the same breast again or the other breast. Apart from that, our physical appearance such as weight and height determines our risk of developing breast cancer. Women who are obese, tall and after go through menopause are more likely to get breast cancer. This is because the amount of oestrogen produced is always linked to our body weight. The body will produce more oestrogen as women are being overweight. However, the reason why being tall is one of the factors of developing breast cancer is not fully understood. The experts predict that it is due to interaction between genes, nutrition and hormones. Besides, unhealthy lifestyle like drinking increases our risk of getting breast cancer too. Our risk of developing cancer can increase with the amount of alcohol we drink. The more alcohol we drink, the higher our risk of developing breast cancer. Research shows that, for every 200 women who regularly have two alcoholic drinks a day, there are three more women with breast cancer compared with women who do not drink at all. (NHS, 2012) There is a lot we can do to help reduce your risk of developing breast cancer like changing our unhealthy diet and lifestyle as well as having medical check-up once a year as the saying goes Prevention is better than regrets. Regular exercise and healthy diet are important keys to good health. Women who get regular physical activity

Comment [D1]: It should be defining

Comment [D2]: The thesis statement is clear.

Comment [D3]: This point is not supported by any elaborations and supporting details. So I sugg you work on it so as to make us clearer on the po and to reach the word count as well. Comment [D4]: It should be have gone.

Comment [D5]: Comma is not needed.

Comment [D6]: No smooth transition from factor to prevention.

First draft are able to manage their weight by burning more calories, and helps they can maintain a healthy weight based on Body Mass Index (BMI). Reaching and maintaining a healthy weight is important for overall health and it helps to prevent us from getting all kinds of diseases including breast cancer as well because obesity is one of the risk factors of developing breast cancer. Besides, unhealthy diet contributes to about 30%-40% of all cancers. So, we are advised to consume food that contains unsaturated fat and alcohol to prevent breast cancer. We should cut back on the alcohol as alcohol can increase the level of oestrogen and other hormones associated with hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer. Furthermore, breastfeeding can lower womens risk of getting breast cancer especially if the women breastfeed for more than one year. A team of researchers from the University of Granada in Spain reported in the Journal of Clinical Nursing that breastfeeding for at least six months reduces the risk of early breast cancer. (Medical News Today, 2012) This is because women do not ovulate while they are breastfeeding and therefore, the oestrogen levels remain stable. So, women who breastfeed after giving birth are less likely to develop breast cancer than those who do not. In conclusion, women should concern about their body health and identify all the risk factors to reduce breast cancer risk. Every woman is at risk to breast cancer. Some are more prone to develop breast cancer than the others, but sometimes risks can be random. So, all of us need to take steps to lower our risk by changing their unhealthy daily lives. Together, we can make great strides towards the goal prevention.

Comment [D7]: Conclusion does its jobs by restate the thesis statement, but it is not stron and convincing enough. You can try to work more on that.

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Comments: 1. Word count is not reached. 2. Points are well organised with relevant supporting details and elaborations. 3. Nice introduction which introduces us to the topic (Breast cancer) through statistics that shows the seriousness of the topic. The thesis statement is clear. 4. The body paragraphs contain topic sentences which do refer back to the thesis statement.

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(Jordan Wee)