Jasons Why

Jasons Why

Beth Goobie

Copyright 2013 Beth Goobie 5 4 3 2 1 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of Red Deer Press or, in the case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a licence from Access Copyright (Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency), 1 Yonge Street, Suite 800, Toronto, ON, M5E 1E5, fax (416) 868-1621. Published in Canada by Red Deer Press, 195 Allstate Parkway, Markham, ON, L3R 4T8 Published in the United States by Red Deer Press, 311 Washington Street, Brighton, Massachusetts 02135 www.reddeerpress.com Edited for the Press by Peter Carver Cover and text design by Daniel Choi Cover image courtesy of iStockphoto We acknowledge with thanks the Canada Council for the Arts, and the Ontario Arts Council for their support of our publishing program. We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund (CBF) for our publishing activities.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Goobie, Beth, 1959Jasons why / Beth Goobie. ISBN 978-0-88995-484-7 I. Title. PS8563.O8326J38 2012 jC813 .54 C2012-905181-0 Publisher Cataloging-in-Publication Data (U.S.) Goobie, Beth. Jasons why / Beth Goobie. [80] p. : col. ill. ; cm. Summary: A nine-year-old boy sent to a group home by his mother, who cant handle him any longer, learns to trust the people around him, and to talk about his fears despite his concern that his mother might not take him back. ISBN: 9780889954847 (paper) 1. Group homes -- Juvenile fiction. 2. Interpersonal relations -- Juvenile fiction. 3. Family problems -- Juvenile fiction. I. Title. [Fic] dc23 PZ7.G6735Ja 2012

Manufactured by Friesens Corporation Manufactured in Altona, MB, Canada in August 2012 Job#77214

For Val

chapter one

am at our living-room window. Im waiting. I can hear my mom. She moves around our house. She goes up and down our stairs. She carries green garbage bags to the door. All my stuff is in those bags. There are three of them. My name is Jason. Im nine. Last week, Mom took me to an office. It had a big desk in it. A social-worker lady sat behind the desk. She said, Hello, Jason. Then she told me her name, but I forgot it. She mostly talked to Mom. I looked out the window, where there was a tree. Birds flew in and out of the tree. Then they flew away. Mom talks nice to grown-ups. She smiles and uses her nice voice. This makes me nervous, because then shes like someone else. When shes someone else, I
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dont know what shell do. I try to be real good when Mom is like this. The social worker and Mom talked a long time. They talked mostly about me. Mom said I was a problem. She said I yelled and screamed. She said I stole things and ran away. She said I fought with my sister Linda. I dont know why, Mom said. Why is Jason like that? Linda doesnt do those things. The social worker told me something. She said I was going somewhere new to live. It was called a group home. There were other kids my age there. They had problems, too. The staff at the group home would teach me things. They would teach me how to handle my problems. Then I could move back home. My voice was gone. I wanted to say, No. I wanted to say, Ill be good. But my voice just went away. I never knew I could be kicked out of my own house. Mom looked happy. She smiled at the social worker. The social worker smiled at Mom. Then the social worker smiled at me. Youll see, Jason, she said. The group home will be nice. Youll make new friends there. And youll get to visit your mom and Linda. Youll call them on the phone. My voice was still gone. I wanted to say, I like the
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friends I have now. I like my house. Ill be good, I promise. But my voice wouldnt do what I wanted it to do. Mom and the social worker talked some more. Then Mom and I went home. So now Im waiting by our living-room window. Mom drops the last garbage bag beside the front door. Thats all your stuff, Jason, she says. Now, you listen to me. I dont want you calling and bugging me. You have everything you need inside those bags. Where is that social worker? Shes outside, I say. I can see the social worker through the window. She gets out of a blue car and walks toward our house. She looks the same as in her office. She wears the same pure white shirt. Im sure it never gets dirty. No fooling around now, Jason, says Mom. You behave, you hear me? No screaming. I know right then it wont help to kick or scream. I think, Maybe I can hold onto the sofa arm. Then I know that wont work either. The social worker is here. Shell help Mom pull me off the sofa. The doorbell rings and Mom opens the door. I can see herthe social worker in her pure white shirt. Shes standing on our front porch.
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Hello, Jason, she says. She smiles at me. Im scared of her pure white shirt. Its too bright. I stare down at the floor. Theres a piece of Lego beside my foot. I pick it up. Look, Mom, I say. Heres part of Lindas Lego. I can take it to her room if you want. Mom grabs my arm. She takes the Lego. No, Jason, she says. Youre going now. She holds my arm so I cant get away. With her other hand, she gets my jacket out of the closet. I want to kick and scream. There are many screams inside me, hurting to come out. But I stand still and let her put on my jacket. Then I bend down to pull on my runners. Now I smell all the house smells. Theres the peanut butter we ate for lunch. There are Moms cigarettes. I see the color of the sofa. Its brown. I never really looked at it before. I want to go to all the rooms in the house and look at them. What if I never come back? I have to remember, I think. When Im in the group home, Ill my close my eyes and come back. I put on my runners as slow as I can. Hurry up, Jason, says Mom. I see the hall floor is a real light brown. Slowly, I tie my laces. The social workers feet are close by. Theyre wearing purple shoes. I hate purple shoes. I dont
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want purple shoes in my house. I want to tear them off her feet. I want to throw them out the door and into the street. Im scared of those purple shoes. Theyre here to take me away. Tears hurt my nose and eyes. They burst out my eyes and run down my face. Jason, stop crying, says Mom. She hands me a garbage bag. Carry this, she says. The social worker takes a bag. Mom picks up the last one. Lets go, she says. The social worker pats my head. I jerk my head away. Mom opens the door. Come on, Jason, she says. I look down the hall. I look at the sofa and TV. I sniff hard to get one last good smell. I want to remember everything. I pick up the garbage bag. It makes a crinkly noise. The bag is heavy. So are my legs. I walk out the door on my heavy legs. Mom follows me out and closes the door behind us. Now were out of my house, and its not my house anymore. We walk down the sidewalk to the blue car.
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chapter two

he blue car drives across the city. It drives far from my house. It drives far from my school. It drives far from the park where I play with my friends. The blue car drives past downtown and the day camp I went to last summer. Ive never seen any of the streets were driving through now. I get scared. What will happen to me in a place far away like this? Finally, the social worker stops the car. She and Mom get my stuff out of the trunk. I sit in the back seat and stare at the closest house. It has a gray roof and a purple front door. Purple again, I think. I hate purple front doors. Mom opens the car door and tells me to get out. I dont want to get out. I dont want to go into the purpledoor house. It isnt my house.
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Hurry up, Jason, says Mom. We walk into the house. Right away, it smells wrong. Theres no peanut butter smell. And the floor is yellow, not brown. But theres a tv in the livingroom. I like tvs. The social worker smiles at me. Beside her, I see another lady. Jason, this is Sue, says the social worker. Sue works here. Shes going to show you the house and your new bedroom. Mom says, I have to go. Linda will be home soon. She hugs me goodbye, but not very much. I hug her tight. I dont want to let go, but she pulls my arms away. I have to go, Jason, she says. You be good now. Mom and the social worker go outside. I watch through the living-room window. They get into the blue car and drive away. Mom doesnt wave goodbye. Lets go see your new room, Jason, says Sue. Im scared to look at her. Theres no one here but her and me. I think, What if shes a bad lady? Shes a stranger. Mom told me never to talk to strangers. Some strangers are very bad. They kill kids. Come on, Jason, Sue says. Im skinny and small for my age. But I can run fast. I get ready, in case Sue is going to do something bad. Then, real slow, I look right at her. What I see surprises
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me. Sue is on her knees. That makes her the same as menot so big. Youre scared, arent you, Jason? Sue says. Yeah, I say. I feel stupid. Sue has nice eyes. She talks nice and quiet. Why dont we take your things to your room? she says. Then Ill show you the house. You can tell me what you like. And you can tell me what you dont like. She stands up again. This time, she doesnt look so big. We walk down a hall, past two bedrooms full of boys stuff. Then we go into another bedroom. Here I see a bed, a dresser, and a toy box. The walls are white. Theyre pure white. Sue puts my garbage bags beside the bed. Then she shows me the rest of the house. Im real careful when we go to the basement. Its dark down there. I stand away from Sue. She looks nice, but you never know. I can see a pool table and a washer and dryer. It looks okay, but then I see some closed doors. I get scared by these closed doors. Whats behind them? I think. Anyone could be hiding in there. Sue gets out some keys. She unlocks one closed door and shows me a room with canned food and a freezer. The other is just a closet with footballs and soccer ballsthat kind of stuff. That makes me feel better. But
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then I think, Maybe they lock bad kids in here. I dont say it out loud. Sue tells me three other boys live in the group home, too. Theyre all nine or ten years old. She tells me to go to my room and unpack. Then she says she has to write everything I have on a list. She says I have to show her every single thing. Do you remember my name? she asks. Of course I do, I think. But I just look down. My voice is gone again. My name is Sue, she says. Can you say that, Jason? Im not sure. Sue, I say. I sound like a frog. Sue, I say again, louder. Thats right, says Sue. Shes smiling. Thats good, Jason. She helps me put my stuff on my new bed. She writes everything I have on a list. She writes down how many socks I have, how many pants and shirts. Then she tells me to put my clothes in the dresser and closet. I get to pick where things go. I like this. But then Sue puts my model car into the toy box. I dont like her touching my model car. My hands go into fists. If she touches something else, Im going to hit her. But, for now, I look at the floor. Hey, Jasonwhy dont I let you put your own stuff
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away? Sue says. Im surprised by this. How does Sue know what Im thinking? She smiles and it makes me smile, too. Then I feel okay. A door opens at the back of the house. Hey, Sue! calls a boy. He sounds happy. Hey, Joe! calls Sue. A boy comes running to my door. Hes native. He hands Sue a notebook. Then he looks at me. Im not too sure about natives. Mom told me to stay away from them. She said they were trouble. I look at the floor. Sue reads the notebook. Your teacher says you had a good day today, Joe, she says. Is that what she wrote? Joe asks. Awesome! He grins. She wrote that you had a very good day, Sue smiles. And Joe, this is Jason. You the new kid? Joe asks. I keep looking at the floor. I dont want to be a new kid. Doesnt he know how to talk? Joe asks. Give him time, says Sue. Remember your first day. Okay, says Joe. Can I go play outside? Change into play clothes first, says Sue. Can he come, too? asks Joe.
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Jason still has some things to unpack, says Sue. Im glad she says this. Im not too sure about playing outside with Joe. Do you want some snack, Jason? asks Sue. We have snack here every day after school. No, I say, even though Im hungry. I just want everything to go awaySue, Joe, the group home, everything. Then, just like that, Sue and Joe do go away, and Im alone in the room. I sit on the bed and look at the walls. Theyre real whitepure pure white. Im scared Ill get them dirty. Then someone will get mad at me. You never know what can happen when someone gets mad. I dont let any of my stuff touch the pure white walls.

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chapter three

put away all my toys. Then I dont know what to do, so I sit on the bed. Sue comes to the door. I dont like her in the door. Theres nowhere to run if things get bad. If I see somewhere to run, I feel better. Jason, says Sue, at 4:30, we have Quiet Time. I try to listen to her. But my heart pounds real hard because shes standing in the door. This is what we do at Quiet Time, Sue says. The boys go to their rooms for one hour. They do homework. I look at the floor. Ive never done homework before. Tomorrow, you go to your new school and meet your new teacher, says Sue. Today you dont have homework. You can play with your toys. Okay, I say, but I just sit on the bed. At home,
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Mom sends me to my room when Im bad. Thats what this feels like. I dont know what to do, so I think about Linda. At home, Mom doesnt give us snack like they do here. Sometimes we dont get supper. Linda is only six. Shes littler than me. I think maybe shes hungry now. After a while, Sue comes to the door again. She says, Everybody has a supper chore to do. Tonight you get to set the table. Come onIll show you how. Ive never set a table. I get real worried. I try to listen real good to what Sue says. My heart pounds hard. What if I break a cup? I think. Sue looks nice, but you never know. I bang some plates on the table. Not on purposeby mistake. Try to be more careful, Jason, says Sue. Thats all. She doesnt yellnothing like that. Before supper, all the boys wash their hands. Theres Joe, me, and two other boys. One of them is black and one is like me. Sue tells me their namesDave and Rob. We all sit on the sofa, real quiet, before we go to the table. Supper tastes good. Sue made it. Its pork chops, potatoes, and corn. I eat lots. Ive never seen so much food. When I finish whats on my plate, Sue lets me have more. My tummy hurts, but I eat it. After everyone
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else leaves the table, Sue lets me eat a third pork chop. After supper, I clear the table. Then I vacuum under the table. This is hard because my tummy hurts. Joe washes the dishes and Dave dries. Rob has to clean the bathroom. Joe asks if I can play ball in the back yard. Sue says, No, not on Jasons first day. He has to stay inside. I sit on the sofa and watch tv. The other white boy sits beside me. Remember my name? he asks. Its Rob. He holds up a toy snake and shakes it. My snakes name is Rob, too, he says. Then he moves the snake near my face. My snake doesnt like you, Rob says. Seehe wants to bite you. I think Rob is creepy. I want to punch him, but Sue is in the next room. Shell get mad if I hit Rob, so I dont. I just move my face away. Joe comes inside and we play cards on the sofa. Rob doesnt want to play cards with us. He doesnt like whats on tv, either. He yells at Sue about this. Then he throws a chair. Sue grabs Robs arms real quick and puts him onto the floor. Then she sits on him. Rob yells and screams. My tummy hurts. I run to the bathroom and throw up. I was scared this might happen. This is where they
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hurt bad kids, I think. Sometimes I scream and yell. Theyll hurt me, too. I see Joe standing in the door. Dont worry, he says. Havent you seen a restraint before? I wash out my mouth. Whats that? I ask. Sometimes staff restrain us, says Joe. It doesnt hurt. They just hold you down when you get mad. I used to do that lotsget mad, I mean. Im getting better now. Staff just hold you down so you cant do anything while youre mad. They dont hit you nothing like that. Oh, I say. Rob is still yelling in the living room. I like what Joe said, but my heart still pounds real hard. We have to get into pjs now, says Joe. After pjs, we get snack. I get my pjs on. Sue is still sitting on Rob. Rob screams and bangs his feet. Sue asks Joe to get a snack for us. Joe gets out some bananas. We sit at the kitchen table and eat them. He and Dave tell jokes and laugh. They dont worry about Sue sitting on Rob. Now you have to brush your teeth again, says Dave. You have to brush your teeth all day long around here. I brush my teeth. In the living room, Rob stops yelling. Now he sits on the sofa and cries. Sue tells me
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Rob is on a time-out. He has to sit real quiet and cant talk to us. Sue asks me to come to the office. The office is behind a locked door beside the kitchen. I get real worried about this. Come on in, Jason, Sue says. I walk into the office. Sue leaves the door open. That makes it feel better. I see a bed, a desk, and a closet. Sue unlocks a cabinet on the wall. I have your medicine in here, she says. I take pills at night and in the morning. A doctor told me if I took the pills, I wouldnt be so bad. Theyre blue and white. Sue puts two in a small cup. Thats the right number. Sometimes Mom gives me an extra one. She says it makes me sleep better. Then I get dizzy and cant walk good. I count to make sure. Im glad Sue gives me just two. I take my pills. I watch some more tv. I sit quiet. I try to be real good. I dont want Sue to sit on me. Shes talking to Rob in the office. Everything seems to be all right. At 8:30, we go to our rooms. Sue says I have fifteen minutes. Then shell turn out the light. But I forgot to call home, I think. I want to talk to Linda. What did she do all day? Im scared to ask if I can use the phone, but
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I call Sues name. She comes to the door. When I ask, she says I can call home now. But from now on, I have to call home before 8:00. Mom answers the phone. She sounds mad. I can hear Linda crying close by. Stop crying, Linda, says Mom. I cant hear your brother, youre so loud. What do you want, Jason? I dont know what to say. Im not used to talking to Mom on the phone. Its like talking to my grandma and grandpa in Torontoway far away. How are you? I ask. Did you have a nice day? I had a busy day, says Mom. Very busy. Oh, I say. Can I talk to Linda? No, says Mom. Its too late. Next time, call earlier. I have to put Linda to bed now. Goodbye. Goodbye, I say. Mom hangs up the phone. I go back to my room. Sue comes to the door. How was your call? she asks. I say, Good. Sue turns out the light. She says shell close the door after I fall asleep. This is in case theres a fire. Sue says this is the law in group homes. Then she goes back to the office. I think about sleeping with the door closed. Im not
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used to that. Itll be too dark and Ill get scaredeven if Im asleep. Then I get scared Joe might cut off my hair while Im sleeping. I saw a native do that in a movie. Or Sue might do something bad to me. Or Rob might come into my room with his snake. I think about all these things. Then I think about Mom. I think I have to be real good to go back home. If Im real good, maybe Mom will like me. Im not too sure about this. I fall asleep.

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