Name: Nguyen Thi Thinh

Class: 071E1
IN-CLASS WRITING
Topic: Do you think modern technology has led to the loss of traditional lifestyle of your
society?
Outline:
I. Introduction
Thesis statement: However, Vietnam and its people have been gradually changing and
therefore, traditional lifestyle has been step-by-step replaced by a modern one.
II. Body
- Change in gender role
- Disappearance of some traditional habit (a-home meals  fast food meals)
- Increase at people’s speed of life
III. Conclusion:
Concluding sentence: modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese
society.
FIRST DRAFT:
The process of industrialization has led to the appearance of modern technology in
Vietnam recently. Our society has ever been a traditional one based on agricultural
economy. However, Vietnam and its people have been gradually changing, and
therefore, traditional lifestyle has been step-by-step replaced by modern one. Modern
technology has resulted in the change in gender roles, the loss of some traditional habits
and the increased speed of life.
First of all, modern technology has burrowed deeply into gender role in our society.
Women have usually been supposed to take care of their family at home. These
housewives have been so busy with their housework that they could not have chances to
find a job or pursue their career. Nonetheless, owing to modern technology such as dish
washing machine, washing machine, electric cook, house-work now doesn’t cost
women a lot of time anymore. Therefore, women today can discover their great abilities
to receive a high position in society.
Secondly, the disappearance of some traditional habits of our community can also
be attributed to the effect of modern technology. For example, people today prefer a fast
food meal to an at-home meal. Modern life enables them to have little time at break.
Thus, there is no way for an officer to come home for lunch and come back to work in
five or ten minutes at lunchtime. If one of the characteristic of Vietnamese traditional
families is table-laid meals gathering all family members, modern technology and its
aftermath as modern life have made it gradually vanish.
Last but not least, there has been an increase at people’s speed of life. Vietnamese
society has ever considered as a quiet, peaceful one with many countryside. However,
nowadays, a lot of developed and populated cities appear, and their dwellers seem to be
rather noisy, busy and bad-tempered. This is a reason of the lack of care among
community. Hardly does a person on his way to work just stop to help a lost child or an
elderly as usual in the past. In other words, modern technology, increased speed of life
and then change in moral standards are destroying tradition.
In my opinion, modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese society.
People should not only make use of modern technology to have a better life but also
reserve precious traditional value.
(Words: 390)
Comments:
- Good point: Producing a rather smooth piece of writing under such time pressure, I
think you did a fine job.
- Need-improving points:
The logic of your essay was a bit weak. From the thesis statement, I could not help
feeling something misdirected and it did show in the body of the essay. For example,
the first point you made about the “change in gender role”, I think you mean the change
in people’s attitudes towards some traditional values, among which the gender role is.
To focus on the “gender role”, therefore, was a bit too narrow, as I’ve mentioned above.
Also, in the third paragraph, the topic sentence was poorly supported by the rest of the
paragraph. And the fourth paragraph, I’m afraid, was rather irrelevant for it had nothing
to do with “technology” until the misplaced last sentence.
Besides, I found your answer to the topic question somehow confusing. Those ideas you
gave out in the outline’s body, are they the cause or the effect of the situation?
I believe that under such circumstances, mistakes are totally understandable. Hope my
comments here can help you realize them and do better the next time.
Peer editor: Nguyen Hai Ha
Name: Nguyen Thi Thinh
Class: E1K41
Writing Portfolio
Topic: Do you think modern technology has led to the loss of traditional lifestyle in your
society?
Outline:
I. Introduction:
-Thesis statement: In addition, the loss of traditional Vietnamese lifestyle is also attributed
to modern technology because it has made a sharp shift in gender role, change in the way of
entertainment and in some characteristics of the society.
II. Body:
- sharp shift in gender role
- change in the way of entertainment
- modern technology modern life: peaceful and warm-hearted society crowded and a
little indifferent one
III. Conclusion:
- Concluding sentence: In my opinion, modern technology has made a lot of changes in
Vietnamese society
Second Draft
Modern technology is changing the world and humans. In Vietnam, the penetration of
modern technology has contributed to industrialize and modernize its society. In addition,
the loss of traditional Vietnamese lifestyle is also attributed to modern technology because
it has made a sharp shift in gender role, change in the way of entertainment and in some
characteristics of the society.
First of all, modern technology has burrowed deeply into gender role in Vietnam. Our
country had ever been an aristocratic society in which there was not a concept of the
equality between man and woman. Women’s responsibility used to be “taking care of her
husband and family at home”,so these housewives never had chances to find a social job or
pursue their own career and interest. Nevertheless, owing to modern technology and its
products such as dishwashers, washing machines and electric cooks, housework now
doesn’t cost women a lot of time anymore, and then they can escape from conventional
roles at home to have an adequate position as men in society. Modern technology has made
a considerable contribution to women’s right movements in Vietnam.
Secondly, new ways of entertainment can now also be found as a result of the
“absorption” of modern technology. In the past, Vietnamese usually gathered together in
common ground to celebrate festivals in which they had fun and made acquaintance with
each other. Today they can be at home to watch international channels on TV cable or play
online games on Internet. Traditional entertainment now is no longer very popular among
community, especially in big cities.
Last but not least, modern technology has turned traditional Vietnam society a peaceful,
warm-hearted one into crowded and a little indifferent. Modern technology has resulted in
modern life in its high speed and the appearance of many big, populated cities. Vietnamese
society has ever considered as a quiet, peaceful one with many countrysides. However,
nowadays, a lot of developed and crowded cities appear, and their dwellers seem to be
rather noisy, busy and bad-tempered. As a result, the atmosphere has caused a lack of care.
For example, hardly does a man on his way to work stop to help a lost child or an elder
woman as usual in the past. In other words, modern technology, increased speed of life and
then change in moral standards are destroying tradition.
In my opinion, modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese society.
People should not only make use of modern technology to have a better life but also reserve
precious traditional values.
(Words: 423)