8 April 10, 2008
au/essential
essential life
Lean on me, sister
Grown-up ‘siblings’ are helping
troubled teenagers to
laugh – and cry – in a special
mentoring program.
Words Jane Lyons
EASTER, a time of new beginnings, was
the beginning of an end for Kristi. Seven
years ago it was a turning point the then
12-year-old tried to forget.
For two years the memories lay buried,
finally surfacing in the map of fine lines she
engraved on her skin. This map would lead
her friends, family and authorities back to
the school holiday when a neighbourhood
friend repeatedly raped her, and when her
father was too sick from a liver transplant
and her mother too burdened to tell.
‘‘My life had changed in that one day. I
couldn’t trust anyone after that,’’ Kristi says.
Her 28-year-old attacker was finally
arrested and charged shortly before her
16th birthday but things got worse. With
the abuse now public knowledge, Kristi
was beaten up, received death threats, and
was visited by strangers who insisted she
drop the charges. Graffiti appeared on her
school wall: ‘‘If you are older, available and
looking for a good time, ring ...’’
Severely depressed and scared of what
waited around every corner, she quit
school halfway through year 11.
But then she met her ‘‘big sister’’, Shelley
Taylor-Smith. Kristi was one of the first girls
to take part in the SISTER2Sister project, a
mentoring program set up by the Life
Changing Experiences foundation in 2004,
which targets disadvantaged or underprivi-
leged teenage girls.
The program runs for a year and
includes one-on-one mentoring by the ‘‘big
sisters’’ and personal development courses
that focus on issues such as depression,
self-harm, eating disorders, body image
and abuse.
The year kicks off with the Butterfly
Bootcamp. ‘‘That’s where the big and little
sisters meet for the first time; it is quite
exciting,’’ says Jessica Brown, founder and
president of the Life Changing Experiences
foundation. ‘‘By the end of the boot camp
they are inseparable; they are overwhelmed
by the support.’’
The newly bonded sisterhood meets
smh.com.
Path to recovery ...
Shelley Taylor-Smith
and ‘‘little sister’’
Kristi.
once a month for a day of organised activi- her, because I clicked with her,’’ she says. enough and it is all about what happened
ties, which in the past has included record- ‘‘I related to Shelley’s feelings and things years ago.’’
ing a CD with radio personality Bianca she did – she used to write, which is what The difference with the girls, she says, is
Dye, training with a sports team or learn- I do. Lots of poetry and short writing.’’ their youth, rawness and desperation. ‘‘The
ing to surf with a world champion surfer. Taylor-Smith, a world champion mara- pain they are in is greater than the pain
The sisters are selected carefully. A psy- thon swimmer turned motivational spea- that it will take to change.’’
chologist has devised scenarios to test the ker, had also been abused as a young girl The number of teenagers touched by the
big sisters’ coping skills, and consistency and had dealt with seemingly insurmount- SISTER2sister project has grown from 15
and commitment are key requirements. able health obstacles. in 2004 to this year’s intake of 50. The
‘‘Consistency is important because a lot ‘‘She said she went through different number of women wanting to help has
of the girls have not had that in their lives periods of self-doubt and worthlessness. also increased. ‘‘We interviewed 100 [big
and they don’t want to feel let down. But then she got to a point, which was sisters] this program and we could only
Attendance is important,’’ Brown says. around the point that I was at that time, take on 40 of them because 10 of them
‘‘These kids are hard-core cases and it is when you have to stand your ground and came back from last year,’’ Brown says.
pretty important that big sisters feel sup- not care what people think,’’ Kristi says. With each program limited to 50 little
ported around that. So we have a team ‘‘She’s got her own organisation, she’s a sisters and with interest from other states
leader and a psychologist assigned to their seven-times world champion marathon and New Zealand, Brown would like to run
team and we have monthly Tuesday night swimmer. She gave me inspiration to think more than one a year.
meetings [for the big sisters],’’ Brown says. that things can be bad but there is always a ‘‘What we want to do is run multiple
To take part in the program, little sisters light at the end of the tunnel.’’ programs on a national scale, in each state.
also need to show commitment. Nomi- Taylor-Smith runs a life coaching com- We are going to Melbourne and then we
nated by school counsellors, refuges and pany called Champion Mindset and regu- hope to go to Brisbane and Adelaide,’’ she
parents, the girls must not only need the larly talks at the Butterfly camps. She also says. ‘‘The only thing preventing us from
help but want it, too, Brown says. felt a click with her little sister: ‘‘Kristi growing as quickly as we would like is hav-
‘‘There are a lot of troubled and I connected at the first ever ing more money.’’
teenagers out there but to get boot camp.’’ Corporate support is already forth-
results, we need the girls to She had not planned to coming, with one financial services com-
be ready to change.’’ divulge her history of abuse pany, Walter Turnbull, offering to pay for
Matching little sisters but found herself telling a university degree and to give a job to a
with their older siblings is Kristi in a group session. girl who wants to learn finance. Also,
based on personality, ‘‘I told her: ‘I don’t know Wagamama, the Japanese noodle res-
geography and issues. the pain you are in but I taurant, has given one aspiring chef an
‘‘Some of the girls are know the pain I was in apprenticeship.
quite withdrawn, so we and I held onto it for a But with government funding covering
put them with a per-
sonality that we know
The pain they long time ... and I am
here for you right now.’
only a third of the costs and due to run out
in July, Life Changing Experiences found-
will draw them out. are in is greater The whole room cried ation is hoping to garner more corporate
We might have some ... and I just held her,’’ support through individual sponsorship of
that are our toughest than the pain she says. the girls.
cases, so we use the that it will take But Taylor-Smith As for Kristi, she still has her bad days
big sisters who have says the program’s but has spread her wings. Now 19, she is
already been in the to change. emphasis is on con- sharing a flat with a friend, studying to
program in the past,’’ Shelley Taylor- vincing the girls that be a nurse and taking it nice and slow
Brown says. their past does not equal with a boy.
Kristi was immedi- Smith, volunteer their future. She has developed a strong support net-
ately drawn to her big ‘‘I found in the work I work of like-minded girlfriends, some of
sister the first time she do with adults, it comes whom she has helped with their traumas.
met her. down to self-belief. She hopes to be a rape counsellor.
‘‘The highlight of the ‘‘They don’t believe ‘‘I have some kind of purpose: that I can
whole course was meeting they are worthy, good help others, maybe, from my experiences.’’