WINTER 2013

priceless

great art is

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The Silver Lining is a collection of art and literature by the Silver Hill Hospital Community. All of the work published in The Silver Lining is created by patients, alumni, volunteers and staff. The Silver Lining is a forum for healing and creative expression. Silver Hill Hospital 208 Valley Road New Canaan, CT 06840 800-899-4455 www.silverhillhospital.org Staff Advisor: Elizabeth Moore, Chief Operating Officer Editor: Heather Porter Associate Editor: Alex Kielland Design: New Leaf Graphic Design Special thanks: Cathy Allman Anne Romano Frank Bordonaro Andrea Scheyhing Rosina Buongiorno Lisa Ruggiero Deborah Chapman-Smith Debra Singleton Pam Davis Katie Wieting Laurie Rios Front and back cover art: Alexa Submissions may be sent to: silverlining@silverhillhospital.org or Silver Hill Hospital Community Outreach Dept. 208 Valley Road New Canaan, CT 06840

Copyright 2013. The Silver Lining is a publication of Silver Hill Hospital. Please, no unauthorized copying without written permission. All rights remain with contributing authors and artists.

this maga zi says ne no t stigm o a

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Things on Recovery
I need, when I leave here to really look at life in a more positive

way. I need to change my thinking to a more positive way, whatever it takes. You have only you to make your life better, only you. No one else can do that for you. Put your life, finally, in the hands of God and relax in his promises for you. You have to do the work. Seek God every day through prayer. Meditate on the word of God. He wants whats best for you. Chris, havent you had enough of all of this? Get moving and get the life you deserve. Stay in the now. Dont look at tomorrow, or the next day or whatever. Stay in the now. Only focus on you, all you have is you. You have to live in your body, why not make your head better? And that woman, forget her. She is not for you. You need to let her go. She doesnt care for you, now move on. Stay positive all the time. Unknown

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Healer
Why does it always hurt so bad, I asked him, the stories that people share. There must be something broken about me. And he said, If you didnt hurt, who would ever trust you to be a healer?
David

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Dear You, I draw mazes in my graph paper notebook. Theyre never straight lines because I never do anything straight. Oh, irony. I wont pick you apart any more. I will only pick up my own pieces and not force them upon you. You got me here and now, despite that, you wont wait. I will treasure what you brought to me: a new life.

God is coming back, I think, because literally there is no one left except a beautiful boy my 4 year old who needs and deserves a complete mother who doesnt drink white wine in water bottles on the treadmill.

You gave me the reason to get hope, but now only I can save myself. Elizabeth

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I came destroyed and down, but Im leaving like a Taino ready for war. Je que destruido pere me voicomo un Tiano lis to para guera.
Jerry

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Carolyn

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So many years ago when I was young Wait a minute, let me through And let me be a child again Let me come through to you I did not know you I could not see But another burned inside me And another could not breathe And I wondered what happened to you Young, young adult Kept in back; kept in harness While others went ahead You were kept behind And you hated the ones who held you And you hated the ones who had gone on ahead For they had made your life miserable A holy hell, a laughing stock And you had sheltered yourself And you had put up another And she put a face on the world And she hid you while you roamed far, far away And she protected you, somewhat, And now the first hurdle came For the EATING DISORDER that they were so afraid of Had come up for major conflict and conflict cold And you starved and you fasted For she demanded it, and you gave of yourself And your therapist did not know That then you wanted to do away with yourself And this was the only way out for you, you
Holly

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Castle
Im like a castle. I may look beautiful and together on the outside, But Im crumbling on the inside. My walls are cracked where people like to seep in. And those people like to look at the gorgeous imperfections, Pointing out each and every outrageous flaw. What they dont know is how such a strong Exterior can break, crumble, fall in seconds, But keeping up such a strong exterior can cut you down in Seconds without anyone to show.
Jennifer

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Adolescent Inpatient Unit Library Group

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Serenity
The first thing I did when I left Silver Hill Was lay in a field and embraced being still. I listened and prayed for some Higher Power And found it, quite clearly, in one dying flower. The flower and I were deeply connected, For the end of an era, we both accepted. But a force kept us living, and calmed all our strife. A Force larger than us The Circle of Life. Just as the flower would come back in spring, So, too, will I have a new life and bring Wellness to all as I tackle this feat, Surrendering everything in honest defeat This is the gift that comes with sobriety; Life on Lifes terms in all its entirety.
Kiley

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My fantasy version of myself is to be financially secure; and have my son back with me. I was more than my addiction in the past. Unfortunately it is my defining characteristic now. I want to shed this and return to the person I used to be. People dont know me because I havent been completely honest and open. I keep a lot inside. I must learn to open up to people who really care. The best day of my life was when my son was born. The day I leave here I will be sad because the staff is wonderful and also all the clients I have met. I wish I could stay.
Ray

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anonymous

I am going to explode it grows stronger everyday But I cannot seem to find what it is as it struggles recklessly to GET OUT. No way to stop it now, no hiding any longer And Im so tired of keeping the door closed as it pushes from within.
Tracy

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Alexa

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Adolescent Inpatient Unit Library Group

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Jillian
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Rebecca

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y head is clean. My thoughts however are racing about my uncertain future. I have left a lot of wreckage in my past. Smashed up cars, untrusting wife, and now the addictive personality I have has led me to no wife at all. My salvation: I am a father of two beautiful and incredibly intelligent children, my son, and my daughter. At this point in my life I have created the scenario of having no choice but sobriety. I must keep what I can, and let go of what I cannot hold on to. I am at the mercy of the court. I am at the mercy of my wife. I am at the mercy of my parents. I am at the mercy of any friends I have left. And I am mostly at the mercy of my Addiction. I know I cannot control my addiction anymore. My only choice for a good life is not to feed my addiction. Its a monster. Its like Im 5 years old again and peering over my Smurf comforter at the closet after my alcoholic uncle joked that there was a monster living in my closet. I can, however, beat this monster of addiction the same way I beat the monster in my closet. By growing up, educating myself and knowing what is real and what is not. What is real is my long list of wreckage and the future of divorce, jail and recovery.
Kevin

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Molly

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Jillian
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