JANUARY 2009

K MOMENTUM INSTITUTE 2013

PRINT & TEACH LESSON

BACKSEAT PARENTING
Language Function: Vocabulary/Topic: talking about raising children, parenting cultural differences in parenting; parenting; words meaning: STRICT and LENIENT
advanced upper-intermediate intermediate pre-intermediate

focus on talking
Activity 1. What would you do as a parent in these situations? Compare your reactions in pairs. Which of you is (would be) a stricter parent?
1. Your daughter is putting off going to bed because she says that she wants something to eat. 2. Your children refuse to do their chores. 3. Your son hits another child at football practice. 4. Your daughter wants a new toy when you are doing your weekly shopping in a supermarket. 5. Your toddler constantly throws temper tantrums.

parenting in your country

Activity 2. Discuss these questions in pairs or small groups. 1. What parenting goals and expectations for their children do parents in your countries have today? 2. Which of these attitudes towards parenting and discipline is most prevalent in your country?
children should listen to their parents no matter what parents should teach their children why rules are important and help them learn to make good choices on their own parents should make sure everyone in their family is happy and let the children do whatever they want.

3. What parenting styles and discipline strategies do parents use? To what extent do parents use physical punishment as a method of discipline? Are yelling and spanking acceptable forms of disciplining children in the culture you come from? page 1

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BACKSEAT PARENTING

focus on reading
Activity 3. Read the excerpts from the article about Dr Bryan Caplans book Selsh Reasons to Have More Kids, and decide whether these statements are true (T) or false (F).
1. Dr Caplan recommends parents adopt a more active role in raising their children. 2. Caplans style of parenting is similar to the one promoted by Amy Chua. 3. According to Caplans book, forcing children to do activities will not turn them into successful adults. 4. There is scientic evidence that parents can hardly affect their childrens future health and success.

excerpts from article written by Tracy Mc Veigh, published by The Observer:

Gurus Advice to Parents: Relax, Have Fun

Dr Bryan Caplan, an academic and economist from George Mason University in Virginia, believes parents are working far too hard at bringing up their children. In his book, Selsh Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun than You Think, he recommends mothers and fathers take more of a backseat role and, crucially, abandon the hothousing. "What I'm trying to say is, if you are a person who likes the idea of kids, being a great parent is less work and more fun that you think. Right now, parents are 'overcharging' themselves for each kid," said Caplan, who is a father of three eight-year-old twins and a one-year-old. He added: "Parents can sharply improve their lives without hurting their kids. Nature, not nurture, explains most family resemblance, so parents can safely cut themselves a lot of additional slack." Caplan's style of "serenity parenting" comes in stark contrast to other models advocated, most prominently this year by Amy Chua, a Yale professor whose bestselling book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother extolled the virtues of tough love and hard work. Caplan believes, however, that "investment parenting" piano and violin lessons, organised sports and educational games doesn't have the slightest effect when the children move into adulthood. He suggests letting children drop sports and other activities unless they really love doing them. His book recommends that highly strung parents lighten up not only for their own and their offspring's good, but also for other would-be parents who may think that they cannot afford children. "Quit fretting over how much TV your kids watch. Don't force them to do a million activities they hate. Accept that your children's lives are shaped mostly by their genes and their own choices, not by the sacrices you make in hopes of

turning them into successful adults." Caplan points to scientic evidence to support the idea of "serenity parenting". Research on twins and on adopted children shows, he says, that parents' long-term effects range from small to zero for a wide range of outcomes such as health and success. "For life expectancy, you see no effect of parenting. You might say, 'Well, who thought parents affected life expectancy?' Parents can nag you all they want, but when you're an adult you're going to do your own thing." Research also shows that a child's intelligence can be increased by parental interaction when they are very young, but by the time the child reaches 12 the effect has disappeared. "You need to look at adopted kids that actually does measure how much parents matter and how much heredity matters." His contrarian theory has caused consternation among the new army of "tiger mothers", the latest childcare movement which has also emerged from American academia, emboldened by Chua. "If in their early years we teach our children a strong work ethic, perseverance and the value of delayed gratication, they will be much better positioned to be self-motivated and selfreliant when they become young adults," Chua writes on her blog. But there is widespread support for Caplan's more relaxed approach. "The idea that parenting has become the overwhelmingly most important gauge of how a child will turn out is completely implausible," said Dr Ellie Lee of the School of Social Policy at Kent University. "The 'tiger mother' thing that you can turn your child into Mozart by force of will is an utterly bizarre suggestion..." "We have this great expansion of parental time and so everything about bringing up kids is suddenly magnied, so in that respect Dr Caplan's advice to enjoy parenting more and hothouse less is a welcome one."

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BACKSEAT PARENTING

focus on talking
Activity 4. Discuss these issues in pairs or small groups. 1. Do you share Dr Caplans view that mothers and fathers should take more of a backseat role in the process of raising children? 2. Do you agree with the opinion that we should stop fretting over how much TV our kids watch? 3. Do you believe that someones parenting style is the main factor which determines how his or her child will turn out in future?

words: strict & lenient

focus on vocabulary
Activity 5. The words below mean either strict or lenient. Put them in the right category.

authoritarian harsh permissive

easygoing indulgent stern

STRICT

forbearing lax tolerant

LENIENT

forgiving merciful uncompromising

strict adjective
greatly limiting someones freedom to behave as they wish, and likely to severely punish them in they disobey

lenient adjective
not as severe or strong in punishment or judgement as would be expected

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Activity 6. Choose appropriate endings for the sentences. 1. If someone takes a backseat role, ... A. ... they let other people take a more active part in an organisation or a situation. 2. Hothousing is ... A. ... the state of physical or emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress. 3. When you cut someone some slack, A. ... you make someone work harder than usual or necessary. 4. When you extol something, A. ... you indicate the faults of something. B. ... you praise it enthusiastically. B. ... you give someone additional freedom, or to treat someone less severely than usual. B. ... offering ideal conditions for the growth of an idea, activity, etc; ensuring the best possible environment for something. B. ... they make other people take a less active part in an organisation or a situation.

5. When we fret over something ... A. ... we worry about something. B. ... we express an objection to something.

6. Heredity means ... A. ... the passing on of physical or mental characteristics genetically form one generation to another. B. ... the power someone has to deal with something as one pleases.

7. If an idea, argument or statement is implausible ... A. ... it is revolutionary, breaking away with the traditional way of thinking. B. ... it is not reasonable or probable.

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