Preparation for Heavenly Living Correspondence School

http://www.geocities.com/bibleloverbill

PFHL Course 620-- God Pleasing Love Meanings, Goals, and Preparations

Directions: There are 6 different sections for this course. This assignment is worth 3 units, so write
at least 4 quality pages describing your responses to the information.
First, read the following item I received in an e-mail and then write a few paragraphs
about what it means to make thinking changes for God-pleasing love.

Sometimes, we need to overwrite the old---

INSTALLING LOVE
***Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?
***Customer: I’m pretty sure I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now.
What do I do first?
***CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART, ma’am?
***Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.
Is it okay to install while they are running?
***CS Rep: What programs are running, ma’am?
***Customer: Let me see....
I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
RESENTMENT.TXT running right now.
***CS Rep: No problem.
LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.
It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.
LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called
HIGHESTEEM.EXE.
However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.TXT.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off,
ma’am?
***Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
***CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many
times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.TXT have been completely
erased.
***Customer: Okay, I’m done.
LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
***CS Rep: Yes it is.
You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART.
Do you see that message?
***Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
***CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.
***Customer: Oops…. I have an error message already!
What should I do?
***CS Rep: What does the message say?
***Customer: It says “ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS”. What does that mean?
***CS Rep: Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem.
It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been
run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-
technical terms it means you have to “LOVE” your own machine before it can “LOVE”
others.
***Customer: So what should I do?
***CS Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”?
***Customer: Yes, I have it.
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***CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
***Customer: Thank you.
***CS Rep: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART”
directory:
FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and
GOODNESS.DOC.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming.
Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your
recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
***Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM,
PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
***CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go...
***Customer: Yes?
***CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet.
They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules
back to you.
***Customer: I will.
Thank you for your help.

Directions: Read the following Biblical definitions and look up the Scripture references to
determine three main types of love. Two are created by human beings and one is given
by God for sharing with others in all different forms. Write a paragraph or two.

LOVE (Noun and Verb)

A. Verbs.
1. Agapaō and the corresponding noun agapē (B, No. 1 below) present “the characteristic word
of Christianity, and since the Holy Spirit of revelation has used it to express ideas previously
unknown, inquiry into its use, whether in Greek literature or in the Septuagin, throws but little
light upon its distinctive meaning in the New Testament. Check, however, Leviticus 19:18
and Deuteronomy 6:5.
Agapē and agapaō are used in the New Testament (a) to describe the attitude of God
toward His Son (John 17:26), the human race generally (John 3:16 and Romans 5:8), and to
such as believe on the Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:21; (b) to convey God’s will to His children
concerning their attitude one toward another (John 13:34) and toward all men (1
Thessalonians 3:12, 1 Corinthians 16:14, & 2 Peter 1:7); (c) to express the essential nature of
God (1 John 4:8)
“Love can be known only from the actions it prompts. God’s love is seen in the gift of
His Son, 1 John 4:9-10. But obviously this is not the love of complacency, or affection. That
is, it was not drawn out be any excellency in its objects, Romans 5:8. It was an exercise of
the divine will in deliberate choice, made without assignable cause save that which lies in the
nature of God Himself, Deuteronomy 7:7-8. Love had its perfect expression among men in
the Lord Jesus Christ, 2 Corinthians 5:14, Ephesians 2:4, 3:19, & 5:2. Christian love is the
fruit of His Spirit in the Christian, Galatians 5:22.
“Christian love has God for its primary object, and expresses itself first of all in implicit
obedience to His commandments, John 14:15, 21, & 23, 15:10, 1 John 2:5 & 5:3, 2 John 6.
Self-will, that is, self-pleasing, is the negation of love to God. Christian love, whether
exercised toward the brethren, or toward men generally, is not an impulse from the feelings, it
does not always run with the natural inclinations, nor does it spend itself only upon those for
whom some affinity is discovered. Love seeks the welfare of all, Romans 15:2, and works no
ill to any, Romans 13:8-10. Love seeks opportunity to do good to ‘all men, and especially
toward them that are of the household of the faith’, Galatians 6:10. See further 1 Corinthians
13 and Colossians 3:12-14.” [The last two paragraphs were from the Notes on
Thessalonians, by Hogg and Vine, p. 105.]
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 In respect of agapaō as used of God, it expresses the deep and constant “love” and interest
of a perfect Being towards entirely unworthy objects, producing and fostering a reverential
“love” in them towards the Give, and a practical “love” toward those who are partakers of the
same, and a desire to help others to seek the Giver.
2. Phileō is to be distinguished from agapaō in this, that phileō more nearly represents “tender
affection”. The two words are used for the “love” of the Father for the Son, John 3:35 (No.
1) and John 5:20 (No. 2); for the believer, John 14:21 (No. 1) and John 16:27 (No. 2); both,
of Christ’s “love” for a certain disciple, John 13:23 (No. 1) and John 20:2 (No. 2). Yet the
distinction between the two verbs remains, and they are never used indiscriminately in the
same passage; if each is used with reference to the same objects, as just mentioned, each word
retains its distinctive and essential character.
Phileō is never used in a command to men to “love” God. It is, however, used, as a
warning in 1 Corinthians 16:22. Agapaō is used instead, e. g., Matthew 22:37, Luke 10:27,
Romans 8:28, 1 Corinthians 8:3, 1 Peter 1:8, 1 John 4:21. The distinction between the two
verbs finds a conspicuous instance in the narrative of John 21:15-17. The content itself
indicates that agapaō in the first two questions suggests the “love” that values and esteem (cf.
Revelation 12:11). It is an unselfish “love”, ready to serve. The use of phileō in Peter’s
answer and the Lord’s third question, conveys the thought of cherishing the Object above all
else of manifesting an affection characterized by the constancy, from the motive of the highest
veneration. Again, to “love” (phileō) life, from an undue desire to preserve it, forgetful of the
real object of living, meets with the Lord’s reproof, John 12:25. On the contrary, to “love”
life agapaō as used in 1 Peter 3:10, is to consult the true interests of living. Here the word
phileō would be quite inappropriate.
B. Nouns
1. Agapē, the significance of which has been pointed out in connection with A, No. 1, is always
rendered “love” in the RV where the KJV has “charity”, a rendering nowhere used in the RV;
in Romans 14:15, where the KJV has “charitably”, the RV, adhering to the translation of the
noun, has “in love”. Note: In the two statements in 1 John 4:8 and 16, “God is love”, both are
used to enjoin the exercise of “love” on the part of believers. While the former introduces a
declaration of the mode in which God’s love has been manifested (vv. 9-10), the second
introduces a statement of the identification of believers with God in character and the issue at
the Judgment Seat hereafter (v. 17), an identification represented ideally in the sentence “as
He is, so are we in this world”.
Agapē is used in the plural in Jude 12, and in some manuscripts in 2 Peter 2:13. These love
feasts arose from the common meals of the early churches (1 Corinthians 11:21). They may
have had this origin in the private meals of Jewish households, with the addition of the
observance of the Lord’s Supper.
2. Philanthrōpia denotes, lit., “love for man” (phileō and anthrōpos, “man”); hence,
“kindness”, Acts 28:2; in Titus 3:4, “(His) love towards man”. The adverb Philanthrōpōs,
“humanely, kindly”, Acts 27:3. For philarguria, “love of money”, 1 Timothy 6:10, see
MONEY (love of). For philadelphia, see BROTHER, Note (1).
3. Erōs is what most people today have in mind when they think of love. Basically, erōs is
romantic love, sexual love. It is from the name of the Greek god with the bow and arrows.
The word is used to refer to affections other than romantic love, but this is its typical
meaning, the one that gives it its particular character. We should note at the outset that erōs I
more than sexual experience. It is possible for the sex act to take place without love…. But
the sex act is the fitting expression of erōs. It is not itself erōs, because affection is a primary
element in this kind of love.” “Erōs is the love between the sexes with all its differing
expressions.” It is usually for selfish reason.
LOVER
This is combined with other words, forming compound adjectives as follows:
1. philotheos, “a lover of God”, 2 Timothy 3:4.
2. philoxenos, “loving strangers” (xenia, hospitality), translated “a lover of hospitality” in Titus 1:8,
KJV (RV, “given to hospitality”); elsewhere, in 1 Timothy 3:2 and 1 Peter 4:9. See
HOSPITALITY.
3. philagathos, “loving that which is good” (agathos), Titus 1:8, “ a lover of good”, RV. Note: The
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 negative aphilagathos is found in 2 Timothy 3:3, “no lovers of good”.
4. philarguros, “loving money” (arguros, “silver”), translated “lovers of money” in Luke 16:14; 2
Timothy 3:2, RV (KJV, “covetous”). See COVETOUS.
5. philautos, “loving oneself”, 2 Timothy 3:2, RV.
6. philēdonos, “loving pleasure (hēdonē, “pleasure”), 2 Timothy 3:4, “lovers of pleasure”.

Directions: How can each of the following qualities be used for increasing love for one’s spouse?
Be specific.

CHRISTIAN CHARACTER QUALITIES

1. Attentive: desire to listen and to be respectful.

2. Available: desire to be flexible and generous with time.
3. Careful: desire to be accurate and efficient.
4. Compassionate: desire to be sensitive and loving.
5. Consistent: desire to be orderly and to usually remember.
6. Content: desire to be thankful and peaceful.
7. Cooperative: desire to work with others.
8. Creative: desire to pray for new ideas and to be resourceful.
9. Decisive: desire to discern right and wrong according to God's Word.
10. Dependable: desire to be responsible and punctual.
11. Enduring: desire to keep healthy and to be persevering.
12. Faithful: desire to be loyal and responsible.
13. Flexible: desire to change without compromising standards.
14. Forgiving: desire to feel sorry and to be considerate.
15. Generous: desire to pray and give anything.
16. Gentle: desire to be considerate and patient.
17. Hopeful: desire to be thankful for God's control and promises.
18. Joyful: desire to be happy and enthusiastic.
19. Kind: desire to be friendly and considerate.
20. Meek: desire to be humble and patient.
21. Obedient: desire to be submissive and to learn from doing.
22. Patient: desire to wait on God for changes.
23. Purposeful: desire to do what God wants.
24. Respectful: desire to be reverent to God and proper authorities.
25. Righteous: desire to be like Jesus Christ was when He was on Earth in human form.
26. Spirit-controlled: desire to obey the Holy Spirit's guidance.
27. Thankful: desire to be observant and appreciative.
28. Thorough: desire to do everything necessary for success.
29. Thrifty: desire to use and purchase things properly.
30. Tolerant: desire to understand others' viewpoints, not putting up with others' sins.
31. Truthfulness: desire to be honest and sincere.
32. Wise: desire to understand and apply God's truth.
Onward For Better Loving!!

Directions: What are the most important items in the following five selections and why? How can
you do each statement?

LOVE

Love is Special.
Love is Sweet.
Love is what makes Life Complete.
Love is Joy and Peace of Mind.
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 Love is Laughter, seldom tears,
Sharing, Caring through the Years.
Love is more than Words Express.
Finally, Love is mostly Happiness.

MARRIAGE CREED

Inspire warmth.

Listen to each other.

Open your heart.
Value your union.
Express your trust.

Yield to good sense.

Overlook mistakes.
Understand differences.

Marriage Takes Three

Marriage takes three to complete;

It’s not enough for two to meet.
They must be united in love
By love’s creator, God above.
A marriage that follows God’s plan
Takes more than a woman and man.
It needs a oneness that can be
Only from Christ--
Marriage takes three.

“... a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

[Only God-given love lasts forever.]

A home is built of peace and love.

And not of wood or stone [like a house].
A place where understanding lives
And memories are sown.

Love Is…

Note: Before Christmas of 1993, I found the book titled the above. It was written by Sarah Hornsby, a
former missionary. It is in a daily devotion format, but I read it only when Holy Spirit urged me to
(usually while doing laundry in a laundromat). It is one of the best books I have read. On the back
of the paper cover is the following prayer: “Lord of Love, enable me to seek and keep on seeking
Your purpose for my life, discovering love in the midst of each flowing pattern.” Do you see life as
a series of “flowing patterns”? I never thought of it that way, but it is true historically,
psychologically, and spiritual growth-wise. In the inside left flap of the book’s paper cover are the
following words: “In February, love is hears and flowers. In June, love is crinoline and lace. In
December, love is brightly wrapped presents under the tree. But what happens when the flowers
die, the lace turns yellow, and the presents are forgotten? Christians recognize love not as an
emotion but a decision, not as a chemical reaction but a command. The Bible reveals love as a
washbasin and towel, a man laying down his life for his friends, a Carpenter hanging on a cross.
This beautifully illustrated devotional will help you to live a different aspect of Jesus’ love every
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 day of the year. What does it mean in practical terms to go the extra mile, to turn the other cheek,
to be available to others to pray for your enemy, to show hospitality to strangers? Love relates
with grace to loved ones, serves those who are irritating, encourages others’ gifts, is faithful in
commitments. After catching daily glimpses of God’s heart of love for a year and praying these
into your life, you will find your own heart full to overflowing with His love.”

Note: I have never had such an exciting and reviving, full of confirmations experience as I did when I was
typing the following list of 353 adjectives related to God-pleasing love. The list can be used as a
self-inventory list. We each can be catalyst of God’s unselfish love if we desire, married or not. I
think that going through Sarah Hornsby’s book of appropriate Bible verses and prayers would be
excellent and exciting to do such a group. The world desperately needs more examples of God’s
special, unselfish, forever love.

Directions: Now go through this list and choose at least 20 to briefly explain why they are
important for a good marriage.

The daily titles in this book say that God’s special love is “new, now, approachable, example,
foundation, entering, choosing, triumphing, belonging, the way, established, transforming, sanctifying,
release, purpose, presence, inviting, knocking, open, finding, inquiring, chaste, commitment, available,
becoming, alive, rooted, searching, bright, learning, continuing, desire, enjoyment, well-beloved, yoked,
adoration, attentive, clinging, appealing, chosen, desired, embracing, betrothing, dear, beloved,
companionship, affectionate, devotion, accepting, cherishing, esteeming, heart, trusting, submissive, tender,
sweet, preparation, receiving, friendship, treasure, yielding, wounded, travail, suffering, able, bearing,
guiding, discipline, effort, abstaining, confession, diligent, examining, formed, instructive, humble, meek,
integrity, renewal, obedient, perfecting, remembrance, taught, acknowledging, believing, called, approval,
cleansing, communing, atonement, changing, enduring, foolish, standing fast, abiding, painful, persevering,
fervent, quiet, sober, anguish, broken, bruised, crucified, pierced, victorious, overcoming, rejoicing, pardon,
longsuffering, glorious, grace, conquering, kind, communion, unity, crowning, delight, encouragement,
restoration, shining, being, abundant, creative, childlike, eager, earnest, happy, entrusting, good news,
genuine, honest, sincere, glad, dancing, discretion, enthusiasm, growing, for the simple, simplicity, truthful,
touching, gentle, song, enabling, refreshing, pleasant, leaning, listening, life, helping, reviving, a banner,
celebration, agreement, binding, cleaving, burning, spirit, covenant, engraved, harmonious, eternal,
fellowship, spiritual, curing, united, beauty, forever, salvation, closeness, undivided, unchanging,
wonderful, responsive, quickening, power, lovingkindness, kissing, pleasure, pleasing, perfectly joined,
bountiful, children, strengthening, liberty, self-control, participation, merciful, understanding, applying,
interested, hearing, increasing, freeing, forgiving, equipping, a fountain, flowing, deep, directing, election,
confident, comprehension, brotherhood, edifying, excellent, comforting, admonishing, affirmation,
admirable, great, honoring, strength, prayer, healing, perceptive, knowing, flourishing, radiant,
imperishable, firm, teaching, following, peaceful, convinced, forbearing, effectual, concern, alert,
appearing, bestowing, a bridegroom, a bride, entertaining, cheerful, leaping, freedom, clear, best, bold,
appointing, benefits, anointing, labor, returning, neighborly, walking, righteous, kindness, just, Godly,
commandments, chastening, action, patient, known, reconciliation, interceding, saving, rescue, answering,
corrected, assurance, faithful, defending, deliverance, carrying, hospitable, beautiful, adorned, glory,
praise, awesome, turning, togetherness, respect, leaving, joining, holding, consoling, clean, rebuking, holy,
wisdom, fragrant, redeeming, gathering, harvesting, fullness, fruitful, satisfying, reaping, filling,
enrichment, gratitude, charitable, fulfilling, keeping, liberality, priceless, ready, serving, fearless,
establishing, thankful, reverent, healthy, steadfast, zealous, fire, light, good, shielding, refuge, gracious,
compassionate, building, blessed, abounding, always, sustaining, remaining, nourishing, certain, offering,
overflowing, exalting, partaking, service, thankful, supply, sharing, looking, seeking, advocate, everlasting,
habitation, covering, blessing, coming, dwelling, overshadowing, courageous, favor, pure, overjoyed,
faultless, joy, bringing, bowing, declaration, counsel, pondering, generous, gifts, giving, Christ,
enlightenment, unfailing, family, security, rest, content, complete.”

Directions: First, carefully and slowly read the following 3 essays. Then respond by writing what
you learned and what you believe are the most important facts and goals
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 What Is Eternal Love?

It requires “the fruit of the Spirit”, listed in Galatians 5:22-23, as the following statements indicate.

It begins as a tiny little seed that will grow to maturity as a large, beautiful tree with the nourishment from
heeding to inner soul Holy Spirit guidance and God's written-in-the-Bible instructions for best relating with
others (not from relying in one's intellect or knowledge/understanding and then reacting).

Eternal love is joy unspeakable.

Eternal love is sharing all feelings and wanting to please the significant other without having selfish
motives.

Eternal love, in its highest form, is laying down his or her life for the truly loved other.

Eternal love never insists on its own way and is not stubborn. It is always wanting to cast out selfish
motives.

Eternal love does not keep thinking about a suffered wrong.

Eternal love is being patient, long-suffering (if necessary), and self-controlled (having temperance). It is
not touchy or involving quick negative responses.

Eternal love is verbally responding with understanding and using gentle words (applying the “Golden
Rule”) when harshly spoken to or unconstructively criticized. It usually involves being properly tolerant
and a williness to compromise if possible.

Eternal love is forgiving and “letting go” (even in thinking about) of unjust individuals, even though they
seem to not deserve such grace and eventually need to be rebuked or/and punished. “Vengeance is Mine,
says the Lord [God the Father].”

God's eternal love is for willing believing/receiving distributors and never is a waste or a failure. Who is
able to reject it? Only those who want to be self-pleasing, instead of God-pleasing.

A true Christian marriage is the best “nest” of such: for-all-situations and for everlasting love. It is a
gradual-becoming union of hearts --“two become one” in attitudes, beliefs, convictions, and concerns.
There are many types of verbal and physical affection which should be done frequently as the Holy Spirit
urges, which should be fully and always appreciated (never taken for granted or assumed) by both spouses,
and which will result in more “heart to heart” unity. The sexual union, in its highest intent, is an Earthly
reflection of our union with God, our Father, and should be a time of celebration (unspeakable joy) for both
involved. Jesus Christ said about His disciples in His prayer recorded in John 17: “‘I made Your [God the
Father's] name known to them [His first disciples] and revealed Your [God the Father's] character and Your
very Self, and I will continue to make You known, that the [eternal] love which You have bestowed upon
Me may be in them [His disciples]-- felt in their hearts-- and that I may be in them [always].’”

The Seven Necessary Qualities Required For Everlasting Marriage

(by Bill Stevenson, 5/16/96 and amended on 8/12/03)

Note: The following are listed in order of importance:

(1) Love for God. This does not mean same amount of years of being true Christians or the same
amount of years of church attending and ministry experiences. We should love God so much more
than our closest beloved. If anyone or anything is not encouraging us to be thankful to God more and
more and loving Him more and more, then we should change so that we can do such.
(2) Love for the Bible, especially the commandments of the New Testament. We should not be like the
Galatia and Corinth Christians the Apostle Paul exhorted. We should see the New Testament
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 commandments as God's best advice for how to relate to others. They all are contrary to human
nature, so we should live them to be Christ-like in this sinful world (full of selfishness,
untruthfulness, prejudice, bitterness, hatred, etc.). We should also love the promises of God for
Christian believers. They require loving God or/and humbles.
(3) Love for honesty and truthfulness. This requires willingness to share all feelings when and where
appropriate. (Constructive criticism should only be done in private and done as tactfully as
possible.) The only way to go against the wiles of the spiritual enemy (via human beings, fallen
angels, and human nature) is being honest and truthful. Philippians Paul said that the top priority of
thinking should be about “whatsoever is truth” and Ephesians 6 states that the first piece of spiritual
armor represents truth. The Bible is full of examples and commandments for truthfulness and
honesty.
(4) Love of very frequent appreciating. First, as indicated in #1, a true Christian should be doing this to
God. Then frequent appreciating should be expressed a lot to the beloved as the Holy Spirit urges.
This requires living Proverbs 3:5 & 6. It can be done in hundreds of different ways. This is different
than flattery because it includes no selfish motives.
(5) Love for Holy Spirit guided affection. This is not just having what is called “the right chemistry”
with another individual and usually there is excessively much emphasis to how one does sexual
intercourse. God wants married couples to emphasize spiritual/peaceful/unselfish intimacy which
requires living Proverbs 3:5-6. It can be done in hundreds of different ways. Unselfish affection
loving will always result in peace, joy, supernatural feelings and physical reactions. There will be no
guilt feelings or ungentle or forced physical actions. Also, there are so many forms (verbal and
physical) of the love that comes from God (which is guided only by the Holy Spirit) compared to the
common eros love ways.
(6) Love for humor. Someone said, “If you don't have a sense of humor, you will not survive this
negative world.” It took me over twenty-one years to do this; I was a serious, worrying, perfectionist
until I realized that I needed to stop worrying about things and people I am not responsible about and
to enjoy good humor. I wouldn't be sane now at age 56 if I didn't make these two changes in my
thinking.
(7) Love for same and similar hopes. This is last because true Christians will have the same and similar
hopes because of the Holy Spirit urging such desires and unselfishness.

Do You Want to Experience the Only Love and Marriage that Lasts Forever?
(by Bill Stevenson)

Most people marry for the wrong reasons, usually for friendship/buddy love (philèo) and erotic sexual
love. But God wants much better for His adopted children. The two mentioned loves are responses to
others, situational, and temporary. It is created by us. Agapèo love is only a gift from God for individuals
when they are righteous (as much as they know to be-- 1 John 1:9 and repentance) and are thinking
unselfishly. Thinking thankfulness to God and thankfulness for their spouse helps too. This love is not
created by us; it is a gift of God because of our choice of the just indicated commitment in thinking. Only
marriages with this love as the top desire will last forever. The following fact may surprise you: agapèo
love manifests in all different forms, even sexual. And after every manifestation of it, the ones blessed have
wonderful peace and joy (not just peace). I can tell when my wife and I have it in bed and when we don’t
by the results. When we have eros, I have just a little peace and indifference, as if I just did what was
expected to do in marriage. Sometimes I even feel shame because I was intimate with her only for selfish
reasons. When one does eros outside of marriage, guilt feelings will also most likely result. I experienced
that once. But when I experience agapè, I always have wonderful peace and joy. And another thing about
agapè is that it can give you wonderful almost total body good feeling even when both you and your spouse
are fully clothed, and if your spouse is on you, it can make you feel very very little of her weight. In other
words, a feeling of being united much more than when naked and doing intercourse. I call this “spiritual
intercourse” or “spiritual intimacy”. Agapè in intercourse can happen in ways that don’t seem biologically
possible (I don’t mean weird or erotic positions either). It seems supernatural during those times, definitely
not normal or the usual. But the main requirement for such wonderful loving is that I want my wife to feel
good physically and I don’t care if I feel good at all or climax. If you are married, try what I have indicated
about agapè, you will definitely enjoy. Eros will not always have good results. Why do you think that eros
is not mentioned in the New Testament? God’s best for all aspects of marriage is agapè.
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 Most marriages are based only on eros love. A very small number are based on agapèo love. Why?
One reason is because most individuals have not been taught about agapèo love and how God can be
involved in all aspects of a marriage. Most individuals are not even encouraged to personally relate to what
the Bible says about God-pleasing love as stated in 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5. The second reason
why there are more eros-love marriages is the emphasis on selfishness in all of the human societies.
Humanism is being taught in schools and even most churches. Humanism emphasizes a “I can do all
things just by willing such” type pride and selfishness. In some churches, the church leaders command the
congregation to make demands to God and quote some of the promises in the Bible. The third reason is
usually due to the mass media, because most of such emphasizes eros. Of course the obvious examples are
TV ads and movies with scantily clothed beautiful females and erotic activity. Also the fourth reason for
mostly secular marriages with eros emphasis are the dirty stories, bragging claims, gossip, jokes [in secular
groups and in churches (usually from the pulpits)], dating customs, and “falling in love” having to usually
do with selfish physical intimacy. I have suggested using “raised or resurrected to love” instead of “falling
in love”. Usually when a child or adult physically falls, he or she usually gets hurt, at least a little bruise or
two. Some people who divorce say that they “fell out of love”. Agapèo love is forever because it is love
from God Who is forever. One more point, I hate marriage jokes in church because at least in church
marriage should always be talked about with respect. A preacher should never talk negatively against his
spouse.
So how can a couple have a mostly spiritual unselfish marriage instead of a selfish marriage mostly
based on sexual or/and materialistic fulfillment? Two anagrams and seven Bible verses will help answer
this question. JOY= Jesus, Others, Yourself in chronological order. CONTROL= Character & Christ-
likeness, Obedience to God’s Word and the Holy Spirit, Needs & Notions, Thinking & Temper &
Tolerance, Reverence & Relating to God, Observations, Learning & Love with Holy Spirit help. The 7
Bible verses are: Matthew 22:37-40-- Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and
with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is
like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
1 John 1:9-- “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from
all unrighteousness.” Proverbs 3:5-6-- Trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own
understanding or past experiences; in all my ways acknowledge (be thankful for) Him, and He (via the
Holy Spirit) shall direct my thinking and doing.” Notice how I translated the last 2 verses. Taking
personal responsibility is very important in a God-pleasing way of living.
And most important is who is on the throne of your life? Who really “controls” or “rules” you? Is
self on the throne of your life? Is a spouse or a good friend there? Is your job or occupation the main thing
you live for? Or is Jesus Christ really Lord as well as Savior of your life? Do you heed to His Holy Spirit
as He said His disciples should? See John 16. Selfish (even professing “fundamentalist Christian”)
spouses usually try to be controllers by being selfish demanders or dictators, often with threats. But such
individuals cannot be Holy Spirit-led because the He does not force or dictate. He urges and influences
gently and sometimes with His reasons. Do you really live the 7 Bible verses emphasized in the paragraph
before this one? When you do, you will think, say, and do God-pleasing and perfect things because the
Holy Spirit is such. Think of a triangle with God on the top and the husband on the left line and the wife
on the right line going up towards God by increasingly loving Him and increasingly obeying His Word and
the Holy Spirit. As they get more spiritually intimate with God-Abba Father, they will get more spiritually
intimate with each other in the agapèo love forever!! “Try it; you will like it.” The common characteristic
of every sin is selfish, so individuals wanting to be ready for the Second Coming trip to Heaven and later
life on the New Earth should be increasingly becoming more unselfish and compassionate. God pleasing
marriage is not a 50%/50% commitment; it is a 100%/100% commitment. The only way it should be
50%/50% is in changes made. In other words, a husband and wife should make about the same number of
changes in order to develop more unity. Such compromise is necessary. Some changes are just promises
not to think, say, or do specific things.
As soon as possible, do a thorough study of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Ephesians 5 (yes, the whole
chapter even though the second half seems to be the only part relating to marriage). If we have the right
goals, we can have success!! Do you want to experience the wonderfulness of agapè as I indicated in the
first paragraph? It is your choice. God’s best or second or third best?