Preparation for Heavenly Living Correspondence School

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PFHL 610 -- God-Pleasing Friendship

(by Bill Stevenson on July 25, 2003)

Friendship Criteria?
(author unknown)
A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam.
He called his parents from San Francisco. “Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've got a
favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring with me.”
“Sure”, they replied, “we'd love to meet him.”
“There's something you should know”, the son continued, “he was hurt pretty badly in the
fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go,
and I want him to come live with us.”
“I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live.”
“No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us.”
“Son”, said the father, “you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap
would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something
like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this
guy. He'll find a way to live on his own.”
At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him.
A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had
died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The
grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the
body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something
they didn't know. Their son had only one arm and one leg.
The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-
looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel
uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or
smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who
loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of
how messed up we are. Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer
that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all
be more understanding of those who are different from us!!!
There's a miracle called-- Friendship- that dwells in the heart. You don't know how it
happens or when it gets started. But you know the special lift. It always brings and you
realize that Friendship is one of God's most precious gifts! Friends are a very rare jewel,
indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a
word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much
you care …………………………………………

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 And they call some of these people “retarded”....
A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally
disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out,
not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is,
except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began
to cry.
The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned
around and went back...... every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down
and kissed him and said, “This will make it better”. Then all nine linked arms and walked
together to the finish line.
Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who
were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing:
What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is
helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

BLUE RIBBONS
(author unknown)
A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in high school by telling them the
difference they each made. She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time.
First she told each of them how they had made a difference to her and the class. Then she
presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters, which read, “Who I
Am Makes a Difference.” Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what
kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each of the students three
more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgement ceremony.
Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom, and report back to the
class in about a week.
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him
for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt.
Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition,
and we'd like you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them
the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment
ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened."
Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way,
as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply
admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior
executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him
permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, “Well, sure.”
The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket above his
heart. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, “Would you do me a favor? Would you
take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else. The young boy who first
gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition
ceremony going and find out how it affects people.”
That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said, “The most
incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives
came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius.
Imagine, he thinks I'm a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says ‘Who I Am
Makes a Difference’ on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me
to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about
whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you. I want to honor you. My
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days are really hectic and when I come home. I don't pay a lot of attention to you.
Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your
bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you
know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important
person in my life. You're a great kid and I love you!”
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook.
He looked up at his father and said through his tears, “Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room
and wrote a letter to you and Mom explaining why I had killed myself and asking you to
forgive me. I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep.”

His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain. The envelope
was addressed, “Mom and Dad”. The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no
longer a grouch but made sure to let all his employees know that they made a difference. The
junior executive helped several other young people with career planning and never forgot to
let them know that they made a difference in his life...one being the boss's son. And the
young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson.

All the Good Things

(By Sister Helen P. Mrosla)
He was in the first third grade class taught at Saint Mary’s School in Morris, Minnesota.
All thirty-four of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very
neat in appearance, he had that happy, to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional
mischievousness delightful. Mark also talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and
again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much,
though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving: “Thank
you for correcting me, Sister!” I didn’t know what to make of it at first, but before long I
became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.
One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I
made a novice-teacher’s mistake. I looked at Mark and said, “If you say one more word, I
am going to tape your mouth shut!” It wasn’t ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out,
‘Mark is talking again.” I hadn’t asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since
I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it. I remember the scene as if
it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened the drawer, and
took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark’s desk tore off
two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of
the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it! I
started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark’s desk, removed the tape, and
shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, “Thank you for correcting me, Sister.”
At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior high math. The years flew by, and
before I knew it, Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and
just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the “new math,” he did not
talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things just didn’t feel right. We
had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were growing
frustrated with themselves and seemed to be edgy with one another. I had to stop this
crankiness before it got out of hand. So, I asked them to list the names of the other students
in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to
think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It
took the remainder of the class period to finish the assignment, and as the students left the
room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, “Thank you for teaching
me, Sister. Have a good weekend.” That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on
a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday, I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling.
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“Really?”, I heard whispered. “I never knew that meant anything to anyone? I didn’t know
others liked me so much? No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew
if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had
accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again.
That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my
parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked the usual questions
about the trip-- the weather, my experiences in general. There was a slight lull in the
conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, “Dad?”
My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. “The Eklunds
called last night,” he began.
“Really”, I said. “I haven’t heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is.”
Dad responded quietly. “Mark was killed in Vietnam”, he said. “The funeral is
tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend.” To this day I can still point to
the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark. The church was packed with Mark’s
friends. Chuck’s sister sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” Why did it have to rain on
the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual
prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one, those who loved Mark took a last walk by
the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. I had never
seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I
could think at that moment was, Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only
you would talk to me. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who had acted as pallbearer came
up to me. “Were you Mark’s math teacher”, he asked.
I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin.
“Mark talked about you a lot”, he said.
After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates headed to Chuck’s farmhouse for
lunch. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. “We want to show
you something”, his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. “They found this on Mark
when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.” Opening the billfold, he carefully
removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and
refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had
listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.
“Thank you so much for doing that”, Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark
treasured it.”
Mark’s classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said,
“I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.” Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck
asked me to put his in our wedding album.” “I have mine too”, Marilyn said. “It’s in my
diary.” Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and
showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. “I carry this with me at all times”, Vicki said
without batting an eyelash. “I think we all saved our lists.” That’s when I finally sat down
and cried. I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

Directions: First answer the questions after the Scripture references. Then write an
essay about the other items received via e-mail. The essay should be just
about God-pleasing friendship qualities. This assignment is worth 3 units, so
write at least 4 quality pages (single spaced lines and no redundancies).
What Does the Bible Say?
Note: There are many negative Scripture references in the Old Testament. However, in the
New Testament, friendship and unselfish love compassion is emphasized. Samples of
the first statement are found in Exodus 32:27, Deuteronomy 13:6 & 23:3-6, Judges
15:1-8, 2 Samuel 13:3-37 & 16:16-17:23, Ezra 9:10-12, Esther 5:14, Job 6:27, Job
12:4, Job 17:5, Job 19:14 & 19, Job 32:1-5, Psalm 31:11, Psalm 38:11, Psalm 41:9,
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 Psalm 55:20, Psalm 109:4-5, Proverbs 14:20-21, Proverbs 16:28-30, Proverbs 17:9,
Proverbs 19:4 & 6-7, Jeremiah 9:4-6, Jeremiah 20:10, Jeremiah 38:20-23,
Lamentations 1:1-2, Obadiah 1:7, Micah 7:5-6, & Zechariah 13:4-6. But the New
Testament doesn’t specify how to be a good friend or what are the characteristics of a
God-pleasing friendship. So I have included appropriate items I had received via e-
mails: 2 to start this course and 4 after the Bible study.

Isaiah 41:8-9, James 2:20-24, Genesis 12:1-9 & 17:1-24, 2 Chronicles 20:5-7, & Galatians
3:6-14--
Who was a friend of God? Why was he considered such?

Exodus 33:7-17--
Who was a special friend of God? How do you know? Why did the Lord promise that He
would do what Moses asked? What did God mean by saying, “I know you by name”?

1 Samuel 20:42--
What did David and Jonathan do about their friendship?

Proverbs 17:17, 18:24, & 22:11--

What is God pleasing friendship and what are two things that it requires?

Job 2:11-13--
What did Job’s friends do when they heard about all of his Satan-given horrible troubles and
later when they first saw him?

Job 6:14, 12:4-5, 19:19-22--

What did Job expect from his friends? (3 things, check the context for the third answer)
What did he not expect? (4 things)

Job 29:1-5--
What did Job want from God? How do you think God showed that to Job in the time before
He allowed Satan to test him?

Job 16:16-21 & 19:23-25--

Why do you think that Job might have had divine revelation about the New Testament? What
endtime prophecy did he make?

Job 42:7-16--
What did Job do right in relating to his three critical friends and what did he apparently not
have against them?

Psalm 119:63-66--
What quality did the friends of the writer of Psalm 119 have? What does that actually mean
and what does it lead to?

Proverbs 12:26, 16:28, 22:24-25, & 27:5-6 & 9--

What did Solomon think about choosing friends? Write your answer as if you are advising
someone.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10--
What is one reason to have a trustworthy and caring friend?

Luke 5:17-21--
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Who did Jesus Christ call friend early in His human-form ministry?

Luke 7:33-39--
Who else was Jesus unexpectedly friendly with?

Luke 12:1-4--
Who else did Jesus call “friend”?

Matthew 26:47-50--
Who did Jesus surprisingly call “friend” just before He was unjustly put to death?

Luke 21:12-19--
What did Jesus Christ warn His disciples about in relation to friends of theirs?

John 15:9-17 & 21:1-5--

What did Jesus say was the greatest love and what did He call His Disciples?

Romans 12:17-20, 1 Corinthians 10:11-14, 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 & 12:19-21, Philippians

2:12-18, & Hebrews 6:9-12--
When did Apostle Paul call the readers of his epistles “friends”? [Peter, John, and Jude did
the same in 1 Peter 2:11-12 & 4:12-19, 2 Peter 3, 1 John 2:7-11, 3:1-6 & 3:21-4:11, 3 John,
Jude 1:3-4 & 17-25. A good Bible study can be done in just these references.]

James 4:1-6--
What are Christians not to be a friend with? (Also read Romans 12:1-3, 1 Peter 2:11-12, &
1 John 2:15-17 before answering and be specific in what the James passage says-- 8 things.)

Luke 14:12-14--
Who did Jesus say that we should invite to eat instead of our friends, relatives, and rich
neighbors?

Directions: Write an essay about the following:

>> >>> > A Friend....

A> >>> > Accepts you as you are.
B> >>> > Believes in “you”.
C> >>> > Calls you just to say “Hi”.
D> >>> > Doesn’t give up on you.
E> >>> > Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
F> >>> > Forgives your mistakes
G>>> > Gives unconditionally
H>>> > Helps you
I>>> > Invites you over
J>>> > Just “be” with you
K>>> > Keeps you close at heart
L>>> > Loves you for who you are
M>> > Makes a difference in your life
N>> > Never judges in a condemnatory way, but appropriately teaching
discerning right and wrong)
O> > Offers support
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P>> > Picks you up by humor, encouraging, etc.
Q>> > Quiets your fears
R>> > Raises your spirits
S>> > Says nice things about you
T>> > Tells you the truth when you need to hear it
U>> > Understands you
V>> > Values you
W>> > Walks beside you
X>> > X-plains things you don’t understand
Y>> > Yearns to maintain friendship
Z> > Zaps you back to reality (not verbally or physically violently)
•
• >>> > A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift,
• >>> > A friend is someone we treasure, for our friendship is a gift
• >>> > A friend is someone who fills our lives with Beauty, Joy, and Grace
• >>> > and makes the world we live in a better and happier place.

Through Me
[by Roy Lessin]
Through me
let there be kind words,
a warm smile and caring heart.
Through me
let there be a willingness to listen
and a readiness to understand.
Through me
let there be dependability,
steadfastness, trust, and loyalty.
Through me
let there be compassion,
forgiveness, mercy, and love.
Through me
let there be every quality
I find, O Lord, in Thee.

Friendship... is fit for serene days, graceful nights, and country rambles, but also for rough
roads and hard fare. [by Emerson]
Remember what Proverbs 17:17 and the Golden Rule say. Write them in your own words in
a personal commitment way.