Everyday by whatiknew

NC-17 A few days after their 2nd wedding anniversary, Kurt is in an accident and falls into a coma. Blaine struggles with the decision to let him go, and the night before they're set to pull the plug, Kurt wakes up. One problem: He thinks it's 2008 and that he is 14 years old. No New Directions, no Finn and Carole, and no Blaine. Blaine helps Kurt try to remember his old life while they consider starting a new one.

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Contents
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine -3-

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Contents

Part One
Day 30 "Morning ladies," Blaine calls to the backs of the women at the nurses' station, both bent over a filing cabinet, frowning as they leaf through folders. They both look up when he stops at the counter, giving him caramel macchiato," he says, holding each up in turn. fond smiles that turn grateful when he produces two paper cups from behind his back. "Skinny vanilla, "Thank you, sweetie," they say in unison, and he shoots them a wink before turning on his heel and cranes his neck enough to see them from the corner of his eye.

following the familiar path to room 327. He's almost out of view when he stops; he doesn't turn, just "I have his stylist coming in to give him the works today," he calls out, ducking down the side hall to avoid towing a large suitcase and proceeded to spend the afternoon working on Kurt's hair, his skin, his nails. But by now Blaine has a bit of freedom, has managed to garner enough favor and fear to get away with these things.

their rolling eyes. He's already done this once, a couple of weeks ago, and the staff hadn't quite known

how to react, what protocol said they should do when a woman in 4-inch stiletto boots had traipsed in

"Besides," he says aloud when he slips through the door, closing it behind him and falling into the now familiar chair. He slips his hand into Kurt's, lacing their fingers together absently. "There's going to be a lot to do when you wake up, and I know none of it will happen if you think you look like hell." remains the only indication he's still here. ---

Kurt, as he has for the past 30 days, remains still; silent but for the steady beep of the heart monitor that

Day 1 Blaine is halfway between the choir room and his office, once again cursing that the layout of the high school doesn't allow him office space anywhere near the music wing, when his cell phone rings. He's holding a tambourine he doesn't actually remember picking up and his half full coffee mug is hooked on his middle finger, so it takes some strategic maneuvering, but he manages to fish the phone out of his

-3-

Contents pocket, frowning at the unfamiliar number. It's the last week of May and he's knee deep in end of the year concerts, cant spare even an ounce of brain power to telemarketers, but he manages to accept the call and juggle the phone to his shoulder. There's an overly, purposefully calm woman speaking to him almost before he says anything. "Blaine Anderson-Hummel?" "Speaking."

"My name is Marie, and I'm calling from Mount Sinai hospital. Your husband Kurt was brought in--" Blaine doesn't hear most of the rest of the call over the rush of blood in his ears, knows that he won't get any otherwise silent hallway as it hits the floor. information over the phone anyway. He starts to run, the jingling of the tambourine disturbing the It's thankfully the closest hospital to his school, and Blaine keeps running when he hits the sidewalk, rolling his eyes that morning when he'd put them on sockless, muttering something about old habit. Blaine had just grinned and pressed a loud kiss to his forehead, answering Kurt's yelled "I love you" as he walked on his heels, take the "I told you so" with a smile. out the door. (He'd answered it, right? He must have.) Blaine shakes away the thought; it's not important

unwilling to wait for a cab. His wingtips slip on the pavement and against his heels and he thinks of Kurt

right now. He'll tell Kurt he loves him as soon as they let him in the room, show him the inevitable blisters Blaine's sweated completely through his shirt when he barrels through the emergency room doors, and he almost runs directly into the admitting desk, caught only by his palms against the counter. "Kurt," he pants, pausing to take as deep a breath as possible. "Kurt Anderson-Hummel. Someone called. "Come with me."

What's - what - is he ok?" She nods, too quickly, at the name, and comes around the side of the desk.

Blaine's stomach has been in his shoes since he heard the word "hospital" and he just wants to know what's happened, what's happening. He knows he won't be told anything unless it's by a doctor, so he starts to walk faster, willing the nurse to keep up. She does, and is soon stopping him with a gentle hand to his elbow before disappearing through the door. -4-

Contents She re-emerges with a man in scrubs spattered with blood (too much blood) and disappears with an expression that was probably supposed to be a smile, but she just couldn't swing it. scrubs. "Mr. Anderson-Hummel?" the man asks, pulling off his gloves and tucking them into the waistband of his "Blaine. Just - please. Is he alright? What's going on?"

"Kurt was hit by a cab." Blaine almost wants to laugh at the cliche of it all, getting hit by a cab in Manhattan. He flashes back to Burt's repeated reminders to be careful with "all those crazy drivers in that city" after his first trip out, then shakes himself back to the present. He needs to pay attention. of throwing up or passing out, and he hears the details as if from underwater.

He doesn't understand everything the doctor says, doesn't want to think too hard about some of it for fear Witnesses said Kurt was on his phone, but that the cab ran a red light. He'd gone over the roof of the car when he was struck, slammed into another car before hitting the ground. He was holding a folder of some sort (designs, always designs) and the papers had rained down on the street. "But he's alive?"

"So far," the doctor says, and it's not the response Blaine wants, but he'll take it. The doctor starts again, explaining broken ribs, a broken leg, a ruptured spleen. He's flatlined once, but they got him back. There's need transfusions. "It's going to be a long night," he says. "Everything that happens in the next 24 hours is crucial." a lot of internal bleeding, some brain swelling that concerns them. Are they the same blood type? He'll

Blaine nods blankly, lets him go back through the doors, tries to ignore the cacophony he hears in the the floor, fumbling for his phone. He only needs to keep himself calm for a few more minutes, just for this call. "Burt," Blaine breathes when the call picks up. And then he breaks down. Day 30 -5-

second they're open. He makes it to the wall before his legs collapse, sliding along it until he's crumpled on

Contents Blaine's just getting back from running errands as Jill emerges from the room, pulling the suitcase ("This case is a better salon than half of the Lower East Side") and trailing a cloud of lavender and vanilla day he moved to the city, and he knows her visits are as much about connecting as they are for upkeep. and Kurt behind her. Blaine usually doesn't leave during the day, but Jill's known Kurt almost since the

"Hair grows like a goddamn weed," she says by way of greeting when she's wrestled her luggage through the door. "At least with the IV he's staying hydrated, though, his skin's never looked better. Maybe once he's up and around we can try to swap out one of his hundred daily lattes for a glass of water and keep the trend going." "Anything's possible," Blaine smiles, and she meets his eyes for a moment before quickly looking away,

nodding her goodbye and strutting down the hall, heels click-clicking on linoleum. He likes Jill; doesn't she's the only person who hasn't asked him what happens next. Who talks about the future like it's guaranteed. Blaine knows it's not. understand her, sometimes, and has been the butt of many a hair gel joke, but Kurt loved (loves) her and

"Visiting hours are over, sir," a young (she's a doctor, an intern at least, maybe a med student, she can't be she is, and Blaine's about to open his mouth to respond when a familiar voice beats him to it.

that much younger than me) woman says kindly as she walks in. She's flanked by a few more of whatever "Special circumstances, Anika. Sorry, Mr. Anderson-Hummel," Dr. Miller says, and Blaine shrugs it off. Blaine doesn't leave when visiting hours are over; he doesn't leave at all, if he doesn't want to. They forced him out once, on Kurt's third night, and within hours the hospital staff was met with a raging Rachel Berry, him, loudly, that he didn't have to leave if he didn't want to. Rachel is scary. just as obstinate and demanding as ever, but now with just enough fame to her name to guarantee she

would get her way. She'd towed a frantic, teary-eyed Blaine back into Kurt's room at 3am and informed Rachel's Rampage, as Blaine likes to call it, had been followed by a "politely threatening" phone call from Leslie, the head of the fashion house where Kurt was already creating buzz, and they'd jumped the line for a private room "for as long as the Misters Anderson-Hummel desire use of it." Leslie is even scarier than Rachel.

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Contents "Kurt Anderson-Hummel, 27," the girl starts, and Blaine spaces out a bit as he listens to the familiar strains of evening rounds. This is a teaching hospital, so he's not startled anymore by the small (and sometimes large) groups of people that wander through. He keeps one ear on her, even as she says what he's heard twice a day for the past month, just in case something's different. (Vehicle vs. pedestrian. Four broken ribs, once upon arrival and twice on the table but has been stable since. Breathing with the aid of a ventilator. Brain activity is steady but unresponsive to external stimuli). fractures to the right patella and fibula. Massive internal bleeding and minor brain swelling. Patient coded

So now, Blaine does what he wants. He used to blush and beg off when Rachel tried to use her newfound He rarely sleeps at home at night, usually stretching out in the plush recliner Rachel had had delivered mail, pick up the coffee that keeps him in the good graces of the staff. They've told him, in varying degrees of subtlety, that he should try to get back to his life, but each time he stops, stares, before speaking. "He is my life." clout to get them a dinner reservation; now he welcomes whatever advantage he can get for Kurt.

upon Kurt's transfer from ICU to the private room; he leaves during the day to run errands, collect the

The group leaves and Blaine relaxes, recapturing Kurt's hand. He's just about to resume their perusal of Blaine knows what's coming.

the new issue of Vogue when the doctor returns, alone. Dr. Miller takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and "Have you given any thought to where we go from here?"

"Well," Blaine starts, closing the magazine and looking over the top of his reading glasses to fix his gaze on next patient. Neither of those require both of our attention, though, so I don't think there's a 'we' to speak of." "Blaine." "No."

the man. "I'm going to read the fall runway report to my husband, and I'd imagine you'll go attend to your

"Do you remember what we talked about before? About Kurt's brain activity? There's no change, Blaine," Dr. Miller sighs. -7-

Contents "Hard to forget when you bring it up every week," Blaine bites out. "My answer is the same." "He's not improving." "He's not declining."

Dr. Miller sighs again, and Blaine knows, somewhere in the logical part of his brain, that the doctor telling Blaine to let Kurt go, to say goodbye. He's not saying goodbye. Day 3 doesn't want to have this conversation. But that doesn't change the fact that he is, that he's once again

"You said he was stable," Blaine insists. "You stopped the bleeding and set his leg and the swelling went down and you said he was stable." "He is, Mr. Anderson--" "Anderson-Hummel."

"Of course. He is stable, in that his immediate injuries are taken care of. He's just not responding how we'd jumbling together in Blaine's own brain and he hopes that Burt is retaining more of this than he is, though by the bags under the older man's eyes, he isn't so sure.

like." The woman continues on, talking about brain activity and stimulus tests and scorecards, everything

He'd forced Burt to go to the hotel to try to sleep, insisting that after his most recent cardiac episode he hes exhausted, almost delirious with sleep deprivation and worry, leaning into Burts arm around his shoulders like its the only thing keeping him upright. It kind of is. And hes listening to them tell him that Kurt is gone.

needed to keep himself healthy (I can't deal with both of you in this hospital, Burt, I can't, you need to take care of yourself. For both of us) but he'd stayed at the hospital, dozing fitfully as he waited for updates. Now

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Contents Kurt had been in surgery for 14 hours, is still in the ICU, but everything had been fine, everything was as hes clinging to Burts shirt right now.

stable and Blaine never knew he could love a word so much but stable, hes clinging to that as desperately Hes Kurts next of kin, just as Kurt is his, so he knows its his decision to make, where they want to go Burt clears his throat. We wait. Day 35

from here as the doctors all so impersonally put it, but he has never felt more lost, more unable to even

choose pizza toppings, let alone make medical decisions, and he will never be more grateful than when

Blaine hasnt slept in days. Today marks 5 weeks since Kurts accident, 5 weeks minus 1 day since Kurt might not wake up.

slipped into a coma, 5 weeks minus 3 days since the doctors started preparing Blaine for the fact that he 5 weeks without seeing Kurt smile. Smirk at Blaine as he crawled up to him on the bed. Roll his eyes when he walked in on Blaine dusting the bookshelves in his underwear, dancing to whatever was on his iPod. There hasnt been so much as a twitch of his fingers in Blaines in 5 weeks, and for the first time, Blaine isnt sure what to do. Day 5

I need you to wake up, Kurt. Our washing machine is too complicated and Ill end up shrinking all of my clothes if Im left to it on my own. Day 9

Finns itching for something to do. I swear if you dont wake up Im giving him your credit card and letting him pick out your fall wardrobe. Ill send him to Sears, Kurt. Dont test me. Day 11

Please dont leave me on my own.

-9-

Contents Day 14 When you wake up, I want to find a surrogate. Weve been dancing around it for so long, but I want it. anymore. You need to wake up, first, though. Day 17

Weve been married for 2 years. Were settled. Weve got the money and the space. Im not scared

How many times have I begged you to watch where youre going, Kurt? Why the fuck couldnt you just wait to answer your phone, or text Rachel, or whatever the hell was so goddamn important that you Day 20 just had to take care of it in the middle of the street? I cant always be there to pull you out of the way.

Why wasnt I there to pull you out of the way? Day 23

Why wasnt it me? God, youd be so much better at this. You probably couldve bitch glared me into waking up by now. Even when I cant see it I can feel it trained on me. Day 26

If you were waiting for your ribs to heal before you woke up, youre good to go. You can stop being lazy and using the ventilator. Everythings healing really well; they said its at least partly due to how good of shape youre in. So I wont make fun of you for the 5am yoga anymore. Maybe Ill join you. If we can move it to a less terrible time of day. Day 32

They brought up pulling the plug again yesterday. I dont - I dont know, Kurt. I know you dont believe in heaven but I cant believe youd go anywhere else but there if you - if you have to go. And I dont want to keep you from it if its there just because I dont know how to exist without you. Im not giving up on you. I cant. But if its better for you, should I?

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Contents Day 34 I talked to your dad. He said that...that I have to decide. That when your mom was sick she told him not to Just - just squeeze my hand, Kurt. Just let me know youre in there. Kurts hand lays motionless in Blaines, as it has for 5 weeks. Day 39 spending your whole life in a hospital, waiting for me. But this is you and I cant just walk away. I cant run.

put himself through keeping her alive. That you would probably say the same. I know I wouldnt want you

Rachel has been great since everything happened; amazing, really. Even disregarding all of the strings

shes pulled, she has been Blaines rock. She forces food on him, brings him clothes on the days he cant the chair on the other side of the bed and chatters mindlessly, her smaller hand not disturbing Kurts IV the way Blaines would. Its why shes sitting here, now, across the desk from Dr. Miller as he explains pulling the plug in more

make himself leave the hospital. Makes sure he gets at least half an hour of fresh air every day. She sits in

technical terms. How it could take a few minutes, could take a few hours or even a day or two after Kurts everything, and when Dr. Miller asks if he has any questions, it tumbles out. Will it hurt?

taken off the machines. He can see Rachels hand in his and knows she must be gripping it tightly for how white his skin is where her fingertips press in, but he cant feel it. He listens to the doctor, absorbs

His voice is so small he barely recognizes it himself; he sounds like a little kid, like when he was 8 and had his tonsils removed and asked the nurse the same question. But its all he can think of. He hears Rachels doing her crying in private for his sake, but its too much, now; its too close. No, Blaine, Dr. Miller says softly. No. He wont be in any pain. Blaine nods, lips pressed tightly together. breath hitch, the sob she tries to stifle. She hasnt cried in front of him yet, and he knows that shes been

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Contents I want to wait until Thursday. That will be 6 weeks. He sees Dr. Miller inhale, open his mouth, but he keeps talking before he can be interrupted. I know you think its stupid, and that I shouldve let go weeks pretending to know what hes doing. He feels the phantom knot of the Dalton tie at his throat. Its not stupid, Blaine, Dr. Miller responds. Well wait until Thursday. ago, but I want to wait until Thursday. Get our family here so everyone can say goodbye. You can give me 3 more days. His voice is stronger, now. Sounds more like him, or at least what he sounds like when hes

Rachel rounds on Blaine when they exit the office, locking her arms tightly around his neck. What do you need me to do? she asks quietly, and Blaine shrugs awkwardly in her embrace. Nothing. Its fine. I can take care of it.

to do, and Ill get it done.

Of course you can, Rachel says. But you dont have to. Just make me a list of everything you dont want

What I dont want to do? Blaine echoes, laughing bitterly. I dont want to fucking bury my husband. His voice is rising, echoing off the white walls, the shiny floors. He can see Rachels chin quivering but he cant you get any of that done? CAN YOU? stop. I dont want to be a widower at 27. I dont want to keep waking up without him. Tell me, Rach, can Rachel catches him before he hits the floor, drags him awkwardly to the chairs against the wall, cries into his hair while he sobs into her shoulder. She lifts his head when his breathing starts to slow, thumbs away his tears while her own continue to fall.

Sorry, he says, giving her a watery smile. She shakes her head, refusing the unneeded apology and rummaging through her purse, finally producing a pen and a small notebook and handing it to Blaine with want to do. There are hotels to book and calls to make and he needs to find a new apartment, sell theirs He hands off the list, hugs Rachel goodbye, and pulls out his phone to call Burt. Day 40 - 12 because its theirs and he cant live there if theyre not them. as stern a look as she can manage. He starts to write immediately; now that hes accepted this, all of this, including the fact that he doesnt have to do everything, its easy to think of what he definitely doesnt

Contents Blaine hasnt slept, again, though hes been laying next to Kurt in the bed all night. Its the first time hes responding like Kurt, wasnt warm and pliant and tangling his limbs with Blaines. But their family will be saying it until now.

given in and crawled into the bed; it was always too strange, to be that close to Kurt when he wasnt here tonight, so this was his last chance, and hed carefully climbed in, mindful of the wires and tubes keeping his husband alive. Hes been talking all night, his voice hoarse from overuse, but hes avoided Im letting you go, he says into the skin of Kurts shoulder, uncharacteristically pale even for Kurt. I dont want to, God I dont want to, but I have to. You dont deserve this. Im sorry.

Its been 40 days, and Blaines mind dredges up years of catechism, of Lent and repentance to a God apologies into the sleeve of the only thing hes ever believed in.

neither of them recognize and Blaine certainly isnt putting faith in now. But still he repents, sobbing Day 41

Everyone has had their turn with Kurt and Blaine is sitting in the bedside chair, forehead pressed to their interlocked hands. Theres nothing left to say so he just breathes, his free hand pressed to Kurts chest like ready yet. he can keep the memory of his beating heart safe in his palm. Burt has convinced him to leave tonight, to stay in the hotel with them rather than counting down each tick of the clock next to the bed. But hes not

I dont think I ever properly thanked Puck for sending you to spy, he murmurs into the blanket, turning his head to the side to look up at Kurt. He yawns and his hand twitches around Kurts, making him sit up and shake his head; hes exhausted, its really not surprising that his body is trying to give up. His hand twitches again. Thats not his hand.

Kurt? he asks quietly, then holds still, holds his breath, and he sees it. Kurts hand jerks, maybe an inch, taking Blaines with it. Kurt? he asks, louder, and this time Kurt's whole arm moves. Then his entire body spasms.

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Contents The steady beeping of the heart monitor skips once then starts to speed ahead, and Blaine screams for a nurse, a doctor, anyone. Burt runs through the door at the same time he hears Carole echo his call for help, request to wait in the hall. and within seconds a team runs in, bustling Blaine out of the way and into Burts arms with a stern Hes fighting the vent! is all Blaine hears before the door closes firmly behind him. expectantly.

It seems like days, but is probably only an hour, before Dr. Miller emerges, and everyone looks up Hes awake, the doctor says, voice somewhere between confusion and awe. We have a lot of tests to do, but hes off the ventilator and hes stable right now. I can let one of you in. Burt is pushing Blaine to his feet before hes fully processed what hes hearing, and Dr. Miller leads him carefully through the door, unsure for the first time what hell see there.

through the door, watching him like hes going to collapse. Which is a very real possibility. Blaine walks His breath catches at his first glimpse of Kurts eyes, only halfway open but still the most beautiful thing to say. I love you and I missed you and thank God and marry me all over again.

Blaine has ever seen. Kurt turns slightly, noticing his presence, and there are a million things Blaine wants Oh my God, Kurt, he breathes. I know youre a fan of a dramatic entrance but this was cutting it kind of knows it will make Kurt smile. Kurt doesnt smile.

close. And maybe that doesnt have the emotional impact of everything else he wanted to say, but he

He turns a little more, head cocked in observation, and speaks slowly, voice rough and quiet. Im sorry, he starts. Who are you?

Kurt? Blaine asks, confused, as he approaches the bed. He tries not to react to the way Kurt flinches away when Blaine grasps for his hand. Hes confused, certainly; hes been out for a long time, living off of machines. Hes groggy.

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Contents My dad, Kurt says desperately, hands clasped and hidden in the crook of his neck, eyes cast to the side. Please. I want my dad. Blaine nods, holds his hands up as if in surrender as he backs away. Ill go get him. Hes right outside, Kurt. Kurt nods sharply, still not looking up. again.

Everyone stands when Blaine emerges, startled; theyd expected to wait a while before they saw Blaine Fine, hes fine, Blaine assures at the looks of confusion. Hes, uh, out of it. He doesnt - doesnt recognize me right now. Hes asking for Burt. Really? Burt grins before attempting to school his expression into something more somber. I mean, uh,

Stop it, Burt, Blaine says, and hes grinning too. Your sons awake. Go see him. Burt stands, claps him on

hell snap out of it, son. He knows you. I think Im just - uh-

the shoulder, gestures for the doctor to follow him into the room. Blaine cant find it in himself to be upset right now. Kurts fog will clear, they just have to be patient. Whatever else happens now, physical therapy gossip, theyll get through it. Kurts alive. and emotional trauma and the wonder that will be watching Kurt try to catch up on six weeks of celebrity

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Contents

Part Two
Kurts eyes are closed when Burt enters the room; hes breathing too steadily, the way he always does when hes trying very hard not to panic. Burt remembers the heavy, even breaths from the chair next to disorienting it was to wake up, to know time had passed but not remember it. his own hospital bed, once when Kurt was 16, again when he was 24. He cant imagine how scared his son must be, how confused. He was only out for a few days after his first attack and he remembers how Hey, buddy, he says quietly, and something in his heart clenches at the way Kurts shoulders drop a little

just with those few words. Hes grown into such a strong man, fierce and protective and loving, but Burt cant deny that it makes him happy to always be the one who can comfort Kurt without fail. Their lives are never fade away. so rich now, they are spoiled with love, but for so long it was just the two of them and that connection will Im sorry, dad, Kurt says, and his voice is small. Burt quirks an eyebrow as he settles in the chair, rubbing Kurts arm soothingly. I shouldve told you. I knew I was going to hit my head one of these times. Told me what?

I - the dumpster. The football team. Its usually a softer landing. Just - gross, more than anything. But I - I mustve landed wrong. He looks down at the cast covering his knee down past his ankle. Really wrong. be on the same page, thankfully, and he steps up without a word. Burt looks over his shoulder at Dr. Miller, eyes widening, and shakes his head a little. The doctor seems to Mr. Hummel, he says lightly. Is it alright if I ask you a few questions? Kurt nods, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. He starts with basic questions, things Kurt clearly knows, to keep him calm. His name, his birthday, social security number. Burt nods his confirmation at each answer, smiling reassuringly. Can you tell me what year it is?

And how old are you, Mr. Hummel? Fourteen.

2008. Burt swallows hard, smile still affixed as his eyes dart to the doctor.

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Contents When Kurts bed is wheeled through the door, everyone is too excited to see him to notice Burt trailing behind, shaking his head and waving his arms frantically. Finns the first on his feet. Kurt! Oh my god I cant believe--

Why are you here? Kurt spits, his voice as loud as its disuse allows. He misses the way Finns face falls. The hand that doesnt have an IV in it is balled into a fist, clenching the blanket, and his eyes are narrowed dangerously. You and your neanderthal friends finally put me in the hospital, are you happy?

Kurt - what? I-- Finn sputters, finally notices Burt gesturing wildly. Im sorry, he mumbles, shrinking back. No one else dares approach as the bed passes them, but Blaine smiles warmly when he catches Kurts eye, feeling it widen into a probably manic grin as he sees a faint blush spread high on Kurts cheekbones. Why would he think Id hurt him? Finn asks sadly when Kurts out of view. face. He glances at Blaine before continuing. He thinks its 2008.

Hes...hes a little more out of it than we thought, Burt sighs, sitting down and scrubbing a hand over his Blaines laughter startles everyone out of their shock. Loud, barking laughter that he doesnt seem to be able to control tumbles from his throat until hes completely hunched over, forehead on his knees as his finally gotten to him. shoulders shake. Carole and Burt exchange a worried glance over his back, concerned that the stress has Blaine, sweetheart, Carole starts, resting a comforting hand on his back. Blaine sits up then, wiping tears away with the backs of his hands. Sorry, he laughs, then clears his throat. Sorry. Its just. When Kurt was doing that internship and was

completely ridiculous. Ohhhh Im never letting him live this down. He dissolves into another smaller fit of giggles before taking a deep, shaky breath. Im sorry. I know this is serious. Its just-- No, Burt interrupts. Its fine. We all deserve a laugh right now.

home in the middle of the day all the time, he got hooked on General Hospital and every day for like 4

months Id have to hear about how this character had amnesia and Oh Blaine, its so far fetched. Its

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Contents While Kurts getting scans and tests done, they drag their chairs into a circle, brainstorming life circa 2008. Blaine doesnt even enter the picture for two more years, but he chimes in with stories hes been friend anyone can remember him having back then. told by Kurt himself, and it helps fill in the gaps. Rachel grips Blaines hand, the relief rolling off both of them in almost tangible waves, holding her phone in her free hand while they talk to Mercedes - the only Kurt at 14 is so different from Kurt at 27 that hes almost a different person. This is a Kurt pre-Rachel, pre-

New Directions, and definitely pre-Blaine. Many of his friends, even his brother, are still his bullies; others simply dont exist to him. Mercedes bumps up the flight shed already booked for a drastically different reason, continuing the conversation even as she throws together a suitcase and hops in a cab.

Theres no reason to panic, theyve decided. Hes been through a lot, his brain is a little disjointed at the moment. The important part is that Kurts alive and that they keep him calm and comfortable and as have a good grasp on Kurt Hummel: 2008 Edition. happy as possible. By the time his bed reappears at the end of the hall, theyre pretty confident that they At least until hes wheeled past them on the way to the door, and when he once again blushes under standards, Hey, at least he thinks youre hot.

Blaines gaze, Finn elbows Blaine and says, in a voice quiet for Finn but loud by the rest of the worlds Kurts eyes go wide and the small amount of color hes gained drains from his face as he shoots a panicked at fourteen.

glance at Burt before shrinking back into the pillows. Realization hits Burt and Blaine at the same moment

and neither can believe that in all of their brainstorming, no one remembered one of the key parts of Kurt Hes not out.

Burt sighs, rolls his shoulders back before following the doctor back into the room, and Rachel, Carole, and Blaine all round on Finn at once, making him jump back a step. What?

Finn. Honey, Carole says evenly. Kurt didnt come out until he was 15. - 18 -

Contents Wh-- oh, Finn chokes, and Blaine swears he deflates so quickly that he shrinks a few inches. Oh my god.

He starts to pace, breaking through the semicircle that had formed around him. I just. He thinks Im still one of his bullies. And I said that. Oh god. I just outed my amnesiac stepbrother to his dad and his husband. Blaine starts to laugh again.

Finn looks up, and he just looks so scandalized that Carole snorts, tries to cover it up with a cough before giving up and giggling helplessly behind her hand. "Yeah, it's hilarious!" Finn yells, kicking at one of the chairs and getting his foot tangled in the legs, starting to chuckle himself.

stumbling for a minute before he manages to right himself. That's what sets Rachel off, and Finn glares at

all of them for a minute before collapsing into a chair and burying his face in his hands, muttering before "This is going to be so weird."

Kurt starts talking as soon as Burt walks in.

down and catches Dr. Millers eye on the other side of the bed. They nod at each other and Burt takes a deep breath. Dont worry about that, son, he starts. There are some things we have to talk about first, alright? Its by lashing out and shutting down, and Burt needs him to stay calm, to go into this with the right mindset.

Dad, what Finn said, I - hes just - I dont know why-- Burt holds up his hands to stop Kurts rambling, sits

vital that they do this right; Kurts already been through a lot today, and this will certainly be a shock. Kurt

overwhelmed at 27 is snarky and intense, but at 14? Hed become petulant, overcompensate for his panic Whats wrong? Oh god, did the scans show something? Did those half-wits actually cause brain damage?

Mr. Hummel, Dr. Miller speaks up, and both Kurt and Burt look up. He laughs once, starts again. Is it ok werent injured being thrown into a dumpster. You were struck by a cab. Lima doesnt even have cabs, Kurt frowns.

if I call you Kurt? To avoid confusion? Kurt just nods, face still anxious, so he continues. Ok, Kurt. You

- 19 -

Contents Were not in Lima, son, were in New York, Burt says quietly. Kurt narrows his eyes but doesnt say anything. You were brought in with multiple fractures, massive internal bleeding, and brain swelling, Kurt, the doctor continues. Youve been in a coma for the past 6 weeks. Oh my god, Kurt mutters. Am I - the brain stuff - the swelling - am I alright?

The tests we ran are all coming back positively; your motor skills and speech arent affected, and you arent having any trouble retaining information. Structurally, everything seems intact. But there appear to dart between them for a second before he huffs out a breath. be some complications... he trails off, looking to Burt, as if silently discussing how to proceed. Kurts eyes Can we stop being cryptic? Just tell me whats wrong. Please.

Youre experiencing some memory loss, Kurt, Dr. Miller says gently, the corner of his mouth quirking at Kurts confused expression. He nods to Burt to continue; the details might be better received from a familiar face. Its not 2008, buddy, Burt starts.

O...k... Kurt drawls, looking skeptical. When is it, then? 2021.

No. No. Youre joking, right? Kurt asks, a little hopeful, a little desperate. This is payback for making you worry? You guys came up with this schtick while I was out? I wouldnt joke about this. Burt watches Kurts face run through a gamut of emotions, mostly shades of fear and confusion, before he looks carefully, calculatingly at Burt. Well that explains why you look so much older, Kurt says dryly, then claps a hand over his mouth. Burt

inherently Kurt.

laughs once, the sound echoing off the walls, because regardless of when he thinks he is, hes still so

- 20 -

Contents Youre one to talk, Burt shoots back, and Kurts hand moves from his mouth, sliding over his face quickly. extra length in his limbs, the unexpected muscle where there used to be baby fat.

He glances down at where his body disappears beneath the blankets and Burt can see it sinking in; the Mirror, Kurt whispers. I need a mirror. Burts out the door and back in an instant, Rachels compact in whispering. Im 27.

hand. He watches as Kurts eyes widen at his reflection; his fingertips trace over a sharp cheekbone, down a strong jawline. His mouth is moving wordlessly until, after a minute, he finally speaks again, still Tell me everything else, he says firmly, snapping the compact shut. The people out there - Finn, those

Kurt, I know its a lot to take in, Dr. Miller interrupts, but Kurt holds up a hand.

women, the, uh, the man who came in here earlier - who are they?

I just want to know. Ill...Ill process it later, and probably freak out, but just give me everything right now before I lose it. Start with them. Sorry, he adds as an afterthought and it makes Burt laugh again, seeing reminder to page him if they need him. these little parts of Kurts personality peek through when he doesnt even understand them. Dr. Miller waves off the apology, excuses himself to check on the status of the last of Kurts brain scans with a Do you want me to bring them in? Burt asks.

You and Finn became friends your sophomore year, Burt starts. You fixed me up with his mom, Carole thats the older woman out there. We got married the next year. Finns my stepbrother?

No, not - not yet. Just give me the rundown? Before I see them?

Yeah. You dropped the step a long time ago, though. The girl is your best friend, Rachel-- Shes grating. Is she still grating?

Berry, Kurt interrupts. Rachel Berry? Burt nods in confirmation. I have - well, had - biology with her.

- 21 -

Contents Shes an acquired taste, Burt admits, and Kurt grins at him. Youve been close since your senior year though; you moved out here together. New York. I really live in New York? I got out?

You left Lima in your taillights, Burt says, patting his hand. He takes a deep breath, knows that Kurt is

distracted from it right now but that its necessary to talk about if theyre going to get to the biggest reveal.

Kurt, about what Finn said in the hallway. Kurts eyes widen again and he goes still, tries to pull his hand thats the last thing he needs right now. Luckily Kurt seems to get it, and he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes. You - you know? I mean, I told you that- Burt squeezes his hand in support. That Im g-gay?

out from under Burts but Burt grabs it, holds tight. Its ok, Kurt. You dont need to be scared, ok? Hes

trying to get his point across to Kurt without saying it, knows that this would basically be outing him and

Yep.

When?

You were 15.

Youre my son, Burt says firmly, leaning forward to kiss Kurts forehead before pulling back and locking you got that? Kurt nods quickly, wiping away an escaped tear.

And it was - you were - youre ok with it?

their eyes. I was proud of you every minute before that and have been proud of you every minute since, Do I have a...a boyfriend? Kurt asks quietly, like the concept, even the word itself, is foreign to him. Which, Burt thinks, at that point in his life, it pretty much was. One more deep breath has Burt ready to cross the last big hurdle, for tonight at least.

Remember the guy who was in here after you woke up? Burt asks, and Kurts mouth falls open. Burt almost laughs, just barely manages to reign it in, because he remembers that look from the early days, Kurt dancing through the door, waving goodbye to his friend, some overly polite kid in a blazer.

- 22 -

Contents Him?

Id like to bring him back in here, if thats ok with you; its better if he fills you in. And I think hes itching to see you. Kurt nods and Burt goes to the door again, beckons to Blaine. How is he? Blaine asks, and Burt fills him in on where they are, what he knows now.

He asked if he has a boyfriend. I thought you might want to be here for this part, Burt smiles. Blaine toward the chair. Burt starts to back out of the room when Kurts voice stops him, a little panicked.

follows him back in, standing shyly behind him as they approach the bed until Burt bodily moves him Dad? Can you stay? Kurt glances nervously between his father and the man who is now sitting next to his trying not to smile. Burt nods, closes the door and leans awkwardly against it.

bed, big brown eyes wide and intent, trained on his face while the corner of his mouth twitches like hes They stare at each other for a moment, and Kurt keeps squinting, turning his head to the side like hes trying to make sense of what hes seeing. Blaine keeps still, letting Kurt look for whatever hes trying to find. When his face goes a little blank, obviously giving up for the time being, Blaine smiles again.

My names Blaine, he says, holding out his hand. Its a little awkward, greeting him so formally, and hes hand.

offering his left hand to keep Kurt from jostling his IV, but its worth it when he sees Kurts breath hitch a little at the sound of his voice, sees that blush bloom on his cheeks, up to his ears as he clasps Blaines

Kurt, he responds, smiling shyly and biting at the corner of his bottom lip when Blaine squeezes his hand. His breath hitches again and he lets go of Blaines hand. Blaine lets it fall to the bed and follows Kurts gaze down to where its trained on the platinum band circling his ring finger. like an idiot.

Youre not my boyfriend, are you? Kurt asks quietly, and Blaine feels himself losing the battle not to grin Wellllll, he drawls. I mean, I am your boyfriend. Better half - no, thats you. Partner.

collar of the hospital gown as he picks at the edge of the blanket, stealing quick glances at Blaines face.

But not just my boyfriend, Kurt clarifies, and Blaine can see the blush spreading down his neck below the - 23 -

Contents No, Blaine agrees, shaking his head slightly. He reaches for Kurts hand, flinching when Kurt does. Sorry, they say in unison, both drawing their hands into their chests. Its a lot, Kurt breathes.

No, I wasnt thinking, Blaine insists. Its been a big day.

How long have we been... Kurt trails off, gesturing between the two of them.

Together? Just over nine years. Married? Two years, two months. Kurt covers his face with his hands, a peal of breathless, helpless laughter spilling out. Its the best sound Blaine has ever heard. Kurt takes a deep breath as his laughter subsides, and it quickly shifts into a yawn that he fails to cover up.

You should sleep, Blaine smiles. You have to be exhausted. He doesnt want to leave, doesnt want to let they have time. They have time, and Blaine will never take that for granted again..

Kurt out of his sight ever again, would be happy to rest his chin on his palm and watch him until the world crumbles around them, but he cant imagine the whirlwind of emotions Kurts experiencing right now, and

I did wake up 13 years in the future, Kurt sighs. Or, I think Im 13 years in the past, because I certainly did not look like this 13 years ago and Im kind of not really sad I missed puberty because it mustve hit me develop amnesia and forget I just said that? like a freight train if I landed someone that looks like you in high school, which is a story I would really like to hear, and-- Kurt stops talking, scrunches his eyes closed, sighs heavily. Any chance you can

Blaine grins wider and stands, holds out his hand again, slowly to avoid startling Kurt. Can I come back and see you tomorrow?

Kurt bites his lip, swallows, nods. His eyes sweep over Blaines face for a long moment and the corners of his mouth pull up as he fits his hand into Blaines. Of course. Tomorrow.

- 24 -

Contents Tomorrow, Blaine echoes, backing toward the door. He turns and gives Burt a quick hug, and Kurts heart skips a beat when he sees the fond smile his dad gives Blaine, the familiar way he kisses his forehead like he cant stop looking. Goodnight, Kurt. before he says something quietly right into Blaines ear. Blaine nods and turns back to Kurt once more,

Goodnight, Blaine.

Burt stays, at Kurts request, but once the last of the tests come back, everyone else leaves for the night.

Kurts vitals are stable, his heart and his lungs and everything else strong and healthy and hes alive, a big day; he has a family to meet.

watchful eye of his father. Kurt was too overwhelmed to see anyone else after Blaine, so tomorrow will be Blaine goes back to the hotel with Carole and Finn, grateful that Rachel thought to book him a room. He doesnt want to sleep in the apartment without Kurt, but its different now. Before hed been too restlessly under the covers. distraught to even consider touching their bed again, knowing that Kurt never would; now its anticipation, the thought that Kurt will be there again one day is almost too good, and it makes Blaine shift They still have so far to go; Kurts scared and anxious and bound to get frustrated once his shock at the Starting tomorrow, because they have that now.

so alive that, for the first time, Blaine feels comfortable leaving him for the night, sleeping under the

situation wears off. It could take a long time for Kurt to get his memory back; theres always the chance he might never remember. But tonight is not for worrying; theyll deal with things as they come. Together.

The bed is unfamiliar but comfortable and Blaine is, for the first time in 6 weeks, gloriously tired. Not exhausted or overwhelmed, but contentedly sleepy, and he lets himself sink into the mattress under the weight of tomorrow. -----

Blaine wakes up early, when the sky is still gray-turning-pink and even New York is quiet. He only manages to keep himself from running straight to the hospital by remembering that Kurt will still be sleeping, and that they have all day. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and sits up, noticing his overnight bag - 25 -

Contents resting next to the bed and wondering when and how it appeared. Rachel, he figures; he mustve slept

harder than he thought. He takes a long, leisurely shower, leans his forehead against the wall and lets the pressure of the water beat the tension from his muscles. Hes grateful to find his toiletry kit (and Kurts) in the bag and takes extra care styling his hair and getting his first careful, close shave in weeks. Blaine him, Tiger stuck to it. Rachel Berry, master of subtlety. laughs at the dark skinny jeans and tight black polo shirt folded neatly at the bag, a post-it reading Go get Even taking his time, its only 7:30 when hes ready and too antsy to sit on the bed anymore. He texts Finn,

who tells him to go to the hospital ahead of him and Carole. As tempting as it is to inundate Kurt with information in the hope that it jars him back into awareness, they know its best to go slowly. Hell meet for a dose of familiarity. But Blaine cant wait any longer to see him. Carole and Finn this morning, and assuming all goes well, Rachel and Mercedes will come in the afternoon Blaine decides to walk to the hospital; its not far and its been a while since he actually took in his the city heats up later this morning, but for now just leaves his skin tacky, curls his hair just a bit more. He cant hurt to try. He knows he looks crazy. He doesnt care.

surroundings. New York is as he left it, the air is damp in a way that promises intolerable humidity once takes deep breaths of the heavy air and smiles at the morning commuters, hops out of their way when their pace outmatches his. He stops at a bodega when a familiar burst of color catches his eye, thinks it Skinny vanilla, caramel macchiato? Blaine asks, letting out a loud Oof when both women practically jump

over the counter to hug him, laughing and offering their congratulations through tears. He thanks them, lightly on the cracked open door, frowning when he doesnt hear anything.

thanks them for everything before setting off down the familiar path to room 327. He raps his knuckles

Hello? he calls pushing the door open slightly just as the door to the bathroom opens to reveal Kurt hobbling out, leaning heavily on Burt. Hey, you, he smiles, voice thick at the sight of Kurt out of bed. Kurt room but always coming back to Blaine. smiles brightly for a moment before he presses his lips together in a thin line, eyes flickering around the You came back, he says, halfway to a question as he settles heavily onto the bed, and Blaines heart breaks a little at the surprise in his voice. Burt swings Kurts legs onto the mattress and looks down at him, door. raising an eyebrow when Kurt meets his eyes. Kurt nods minutely and Burt smiles, heading toward the - 26 -

Contents Well, Burt groans as he stretches his arms over his head. Im going to go grab a change of clothes, I On the notepad by the phone, Kurt says like hes heard it a thousand times this morning, and Blaine almost claps his hands at the fond annoyance Kurt directs at his dad. Burt chuckles, clapping Blaine on the shoulder as he passes and closing the door behind him. Kurts eyes are still darting, never resting on Blaine for too long but unable to stay away, either, and Blaine to wake up in the 9th grade. back. think. My number?

approaches the bed slowly, thinking of wounded animals. He knows its a big deal for Kurt to let Burt leave, to sit alone with this strange older (in his head) man claiming to be his husband when he expected

Here, Blaine says, awkwardly thrusting the bouquet of red and yellow roses toward Kurt. Welcome Those are...for me? Blaine nods and Kurt reaches out tentatively, fingers twitching when they brush over humming in appreciation as a serene smile settles on his lips. Theyre beautiful.

Blaines around the stems. He holds them to his nose, eyes closing involuntarily as he takes a deep breath, Blaine looks for some sign of recognition, even unconscious, but Kurts face shows nothing; he wasnt expecting it, really. It was such a little moment, and so many years ago. Kurt doesnt even know that he back in high school and is afraid to disturb them. Theres no reason the flowers should jog his memory. wont throw away that ancient dictionary of his because he pressed a few of the roses between the pages Sorry, I, uh, Blaine stutters, hands flailing in front of him. I shouldve brought a vase. Or something. I wasnt thinking. He looks around the room for something they can use; Kurts the one who thinks hes 14 that, idiot and burying his face in his hands. but Blaine feels like a bumbling high school kid right now. He spots the water pitcher and takes the flowers from Kurt, dropping them into the water before realizing that Kurt was probably drinking from Ill get you more water, he mumbles into his palms, looking up when he hears a choked sound. Kurt has his fist pressed to his mouth, trying valiantly to muffle the laughter that is shaking his shoulders. Blaine narrows his eyes playfully, sticks his tongue out. Youre mean.

- 27 -

Contents Youre cute, Kurt replies, then appears to try to shove his fist right into his mouth. His eyes are wide again, ears bright red. I mean. I didnt - I shouldnt have-- Hey, Blaine interrupts, placing a careful hand on Kurts bent knee over the blankets. Hey, shh, its alright. I would hope you think Im cute. You clearly didnt marry me for my brilliant ideas, he says, shoulders drop away from his ears as he relaxes. gesturing to the flowers crookedly perched in the plastic pitcher. Kurt laughs nervously again, but his Besides, Blaine continues, winking at him. Youre pretty cute yourself. Kurt flinches a little, draws his good knee toward his chest and wraps his free arm around it. Sorry. Too much? I just... Blaine trails off. I tend to lose my filter around you. I always have. Ill work on it, I promise.

No, its, Kurts muttering into his knee now. No one thinks...no ones ever... He takes a deep, shuddering breath but doesnt continue, doesnt need to for Blaine to know what he means. It takes all of Blaines simplest flirty compliment, Blaines not sure how hed react to forced cuddles. Youre walking, he says instead, settling into the chair with a grin. willpower not to climb onto the bed and wrap Kurt in his arms, but considering his reaction to the

More like hopping, Kurt shrugs, gesturing to the cast. The uh, the nurses, they all said that Im stronger physical therapist.

than they expected me to be after 6 weeks in bed, so I can try short distances with help until I talk to a You were in great shape before the...accident, Blaines mind shifts midsentence, flashing back to bleeding

say its why youre healing so well, physically. And there were exercises, that they gave me. To help you. but...I tried.

broken unconscious and he has to shake himself back because Kurt is living breathing watching him. They

Just moving your limbs, keeping your muscles engaged. I couldnt do much with, with the cast and the IV It helped, Kurt says. Im sure of it. They sit quietly for a long moment, just looking at each other, until Kurt takes a breath, looks like hes steeling himself for bad news. Blaine, Kurt starts, and Blaine tenses, panics internally, sure hes about to ask him to leave and not come back, that he doesnt remember him and so doesnt want to see him. But he waits for Kurt to continue. - 28 -

Contents I want to know - everything, about you, about us, god theres so much to know. But... he glances at Blaine,

who smiles encouragingly. But my dad, and the doctors, theyre really adamant that I meet Finn and

Carole today, meet them as my family, I mean. They think it might be good for my memory. And I know that...would that be alright? He looks worried, hesitant, and his arm tightens around his knee like hes still there, in the placement of each thoroughly vetted footfall.

thats going to take a while and I want to...I want to talk about - us, his face screws up when he says that, us, such a strange concept to such a lonely boy. I want to wait until we have all the time we need. Is bracing for rejection. Blaine remembers the stiff posture, the slow, carefully chosen words, the slight rise to his eyebrows whenever he had a dissenting opinion; it wasnt as bad even at 16 as it is here, but it was Yes, Blaine says quickly, eager to calm Kurts fears. Yes, anything. Whatever - whenever you want, ok? shakes his head quickly.

All of this. We go at your pace. Do you want me to.. he gestures toward the door, smiling again when Kurt No, dont - dont go. Just - can we just talk? Save the past and particulars for later?

And so they talk. Blaine tells him about his job as the music director for a school on the upper west side thrills at the excitement shining in Kurts eyes, the disbelief that he is the up and coming designer in the

(mostly to assure Kurt he isnt missing work in order to stay with him), talks about Kurts own job and hottest design house of the last decade. Hes in the middle of chronicling Lady Gagas career ceiling while he tries to remember, when he glances back to Kurt and sees him just...staring. Hes not sure Kurts even paying attention, with the way his mouth is slightly agape, his eyes still roaming over Blaine even though hes stopped talking. Kurt? (Please, please tell me she took off after The Fame), arms crossed behind his head and staring at the

Kurt jolts, hissing when he jostles his injured leg. Blaine jumps up, hands fluttering uselessly over Kurts body, not knowing what to do and afraid to touch him anyway. Im fine, Im fine, Kurt insists, and Blaine collapses back into his seat. Sorry. Whered you go?

I was, um, thinking, Kurt mumbles, eyes cast to the side.

- 29 -

Contents Penny for your thoughts? Blaine asks, patting his pockets playfully. I have no change. Mastercard for your thoughts? I dont know how I could forget someone like you, Kurt says quietly, and his eyes snap up at Blaines far since hes woken up; the determination that Kurt doesnt know he has yet. Youre... He stops, shakes his head. Im going to remember you, Blaine. I promise. Blaine cant find his voice. He nods, extends his arm, rests his hand palm-up on the mattress.

sharp intake of breath. Even with the way hes blushing, and it seems like a constant thing since Blaine

walked in a little while ago, theres something fierce in his gaze, then, something that hasnt been there so

Kurt takes it.

It isnt long before theres a light knock on the door and Burts poking his head in. His eyes dart quickly to

where the boys hands are interlocked on the bed and he smiles at Kurt, who returns it tentatively. Blaine, the carefully calm expression hes wearing. Theres a shuffling sound coming from the hallway behind Burt, an impatient, muffled voice, and Blaine rolls his eyes fondly. Finn. Well, Blaine says, looking back to Kurt. I should go for a bit. Can I come back later? Kurt nods quickly, Blaines learning means hes bracing for rejection. my dads? Just in case.

on the other hand, is giving the sun a run for its money with the way his entire face is lit up, even behind

his hand tightening around Blaines for a moment before he lets go, takes a sharp breath in the way that Can you.. Kurt asks, glancing at the phone and then back to Blaine. Can you leave your number? With Of course. Blaine reaches for the notepad, carefully writes his number underneath his name, his brain giggling because Kurt just asked him for his phone number. Hes just set the pen down when he slaps his palm to his forehead. Duh.

What? Kurt asks as Blaine stoops down and starts rifling through the messenger bag next to his chair. He stands up with an armful of items and holds each one up as he names it. Your phone. I wouldnt answer it if you dont recognize the name, but if you need to call any of us the

numbers are here. Im not sure what you need to buy in here but heres your wallet. And, the piece de - 30 -

Contents resistance, he laughs, holding up a small black case. Your travel kit. Youll probably get to take a proper shower soon, so I thought you might want to use your own products. Oh god I love you, Kurt groans, and then everything goes very still. Kurt covers his face with his hand, the words again warms him from head to toe and there are so many things he wants to say that will make this moment so, so much worse. So he smiles.

then splits his fingers to peek out between them. I- I- I- hes stammering, doesnt seem to know what he

wants to say. Blaines breath stutters through the silence; even though its not the same thing, just hearing

I understand your dedication to your products, Blaine says, so clearly and kindly letting him off the hook, not making it a moment that they need to dissect. He sets the bag down and pats Kurts knee gently. Until later? Kurt nods and Blaine stoops again to pick up his bag, backing through the doorway with a grin. When Burt moves to let Blaine through the door, its like hes opening the gates at the Kentucky Derby. finally pushes past Burt, blindly dropping the bag hes carrying.

Theres only one horse in the race, though, and his name is Finn Hudson. Carole rolls her eyes as Finn Kurt! he yells, his enthusiasm too loud for the small room as he barrels toward the bed, arms wide. Hes his head in. Finn stops in his tracks, overbalances and is only steadied by Burts sudden appearance at his

just starting to lean in when Kurt yelps, his knee drawing up as his arms cross over his face and he tucks elbow. Kurts eyes are squeezed shut, his breathing quickening, and the panic in every line of his body makes Finns face fall. He drops his arms, tries to escape while stumbling over apologies, but Burt catches rushed through the door at the commotion, but Burt shakes his head minutely so they stay back, wait. him with two fingers in the back of his collar, almost makes him fall over again. Blaine and Carole had Kurt, Burt says gently, resting his free hand on Kurts shin. Breathe, buddy. Its alright, youre alright.

Kurt takes a deep, shuddering breath and looks up; his dad is watching him carefully, encouragingly, but its Blaine at the back of the room, Blaine nodding and giving him a reassuring grin that makes his eyes door; his stomach clenches at the loss. crinkle at the corners, that steadies him. He returns Blaines nod and Blaine disappears back through the Im sorry, Kurt says quietly, ducking his head until he catches Finns eye.. Its - you threw me into a dumpster yesterday. I mean, I know not yesterday but--

- 31 -

Contents No, I get it, Finn interrupts. I forgot. I missed you so much, man, I forgot that your brains a little messed up. Just...give me a chance, ok? I havent been that guy for 12 years. He smiles, then, a lopsided smile so full of hope and regret and unmistakable love that Kurt cant help but smile back.

Its easier after that. Carole is lovely, sweet and sassy and everything Kurt ever thought about his dad finding one day and Kurt isnt scared of her. She brushes Kurts hair back and when she kisses his with his free arm and buries his face in her shoulder, breathing in her perfume. forehead her eyes are shining and its been so long since hes had this, soft arms and the scent of flowers and a voice like bells. She whispers, Hi, sweetie, into his hair and Kurt lets her hold onto him, grips back They start from the beginning, and Kurt asks for it all, no details spared. He cringes at his misguided crush, over to Finn, so excited as he points out pictures in the photo album, Kurts own, apparently, rescued from his apartment that morning.

what it led him to do, but cant bring himself to regret it as he glances between his dad and Carole, then

Before long, Finn squeezes himself onto the few inches of free space on Kurts bed; his right leg is pressed all along Kurts left and Kurt freezes again as Finn settles the laptop across their legs, leaning back and throwing his arm over Kurts shoulders to get a little more space. He apologizes again when Kurt goes still, forward to pat Finn awkwardly on the knee. fumbling his limbs while trying not to jostle Kurt, almost tumbling off the side of the bed, but Kurt shakes

his head. He lifts his hand and it hovers uncertainly for a moment before he takes a deep breath, reaches Its ok, he says, one corner of his mouth lifting but its the best he can do right now. Its alright, Finn. Cool, Finn nods, and presses play. So, heres their wedding.

The afternoon is easier; still overwhelming, but less emotional, less tangible. Mercedes and Rachel come, each carrying their own scrapbooks, and Kurt is astounded by how different they look; although he keeps sharpness, that tendency to correct everyone and her unfortunate sweaters, but the girl perched carefully forgetting how different he looks, too. He admittedly doesnt remember much of Rachel beyond her at the end of his bed is sweet and funny and just seems so happy to answer his questions, even when the answers make her roll her eyes at her misguided former self, as she keeps saying with a shake of her head. Mercedes takes his breath away. Shes at ease in her skin in a way neither of them were, last he remembers, and it makes him envious.

- 32 -

Contents Mercedes gives him a piece of paper covered in lines and circles, and it isnt until he looks closely that he realizes what it is, sees the title scribbled across the top and snorts. New Directions Relationship Chart, seriously Mercedes? he asks, jaw dropping at the sheer number of lines. Among them, theres a dotted line from his name to Finns that makes him groan again, a dotted line drawn over with hearts that makes him smile. Theres a line between Finn and Rachel, too, which explains some of the awkward glances hes spotted throughout the afternoon, but he figures its probably best to leave that alone for now. between him and Mercedes that makes her grumble, and a solid line from him to Blaine that has been

Theyre halfway through watching the saga of New Directions rise to victory (but not popularity) on Finns laptop when Kurt notices hes missing from a competition. Everyone startles when he asks about it, and Finn fast forwards while Rachel speaks. Dont worry, she says breezily. We win and youre back for Nationals.

Long story, Rachel replies, voice tight, but shes smiling. Kurt shrugs, confused, and glances at the screen, And that looks an awful lot like--

I miss Regionals? Kurt asks. What, did I boycott the polyester and walk out or something?

where Finn is still fast forwarding, a group of boys in blue blazers dancing too quickly across the screen. A knock on the door disrupts Kurts thoughts, and they all look up as a nurse walks in. She clears the room

and busies herself checking vitals, making notes on the chart always clipped to the end of his bed. Hes room, hes exhausted by the day, the deluge of information hes absorbed, and all thoughts of his mysterious disappearance from New Directions are forgotten.

doing beautifully, she says, perfect other than his little memory lapse. Hes wheeled down for a round of

x-rays on his ribs and leg, then over to meet with a physical therapist, and by the time he gets back to his

Kurts dozing when Blaine sticks his head in the door that evening. He watches for a minute, his breathing unconsciously syncing to Kurts; its strange without the heart monitor beeping a steady reminder in his ear. For a moment its too much, to see Kurts eyes closed again, and Blaine wants to shake him awake; but he remembers years of waking up first just so he could watch Kurt sleep. He slips fully into the room, settling into the familiar chair, and just looks. Kurts eyes are twitching beneath his eyelids, a muscle at the - 33 -

Contents corner of his mouth jumping sporadically. Hes still pale but its not sickly anymore. His lips are rosy again. Blaine misses how they feel against his. Kurt shifts slightly, mumbling little noises that make Blaine chuckle, which in turn makes Kurt fully wake. His head lolls toward Blaine on the pillow and he smiles sleepily. You came back, Kurt says, voice drowsy and scratchy.

You need to stop being surprised, Blaine laughs. Unless you tell me to leave, Im not going anywhere. Im annoyingly persistent. Kurts just looking at him in that way he has been, like hes equal parts awed nurses said you had a big day. and confused, so Blaine changes the subject before he can think himself into being awkward again. The Oh, did I ever, Kurt starts, pushing the button to raise the head of his bed and shifting until hes resting comfortably against the pillows. Exhibit A. He lifts his right hand, turning it at the wrist and gesturing with his left as if its a prize on a game show. The IV is gone, a piece of gauze taped in its place. Exhibit B. Blaine Ooohs and Aaahs and claps lightly, reaching forward to squeeze Kurts knee. Kurt holds up one finger while he pulls the rolling tray toward him with his now free arm. He picks up a

saltine, dips it into a bowl of something, and pops it into his mouth as he looks at Blaine. Thats amazing, baby, Blaine coos. As soon as he says it he closes his eyes, huffing out a breath through searching expression hed had this morning.

his scrunched up nose. Im sorry. But when he opens his eyes, Kurts just looking at him again, the same Its ok, Blaine, Kurt smiles, and his chin is jutting out the way it always does when hes trying not to preen. Blaine isnt sure if Kurt knows about that tic, though, not sure if he even had anything to preen about when he was 14, so he bites back his smile. Weve been together for the majority of the time I everything. forgot; I dont expect you to kick your habits any more than you expect me to magically remember I dont want to make you uncomfortable. Blaine rubs his hand over his face in a way that Kurt is beginning to think he does quite often, in a way that makes Kurt want to grab his hand and kiss the center of his palm and Whoa.

- 34 -

Contents You dont, Kurt says quickly, like he can cover up where his thoughts just went. Blaine raises a doubtful and, um, unexpected. And overwhelming. But Im not uncomfortable. With you. I dont know why.

eyebrow and Kurt shakes his head, repeating himself in a less frantic tone. You dont - I mean, its all new,

Thank you, Blaine says, because its the only thing that seems right. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for coming back. Burts voice drifts down the hall, and a few seconds later he appears in the doorway with Dr. Miller, Rachel in tow. Burt greets Kurt, beckons Blaine to the door as Rachel slips in. The three men disappear from view as Rachel takes Blaines chair. Shes just finished telling him the story of the time they broke into the Gershwin Theater during their junior year (and oh how he wishes he could remember that) when they pulling the door closed behind her. reappear. Rachel stands again, lets Blaine reclaim his seat, and gives Kurt a small wave before leaving, Whats wrong? Kurt asks immediately, and Dr. Miller holds a hand up before he can panic.

Nothing, nothing at all, the doctor insists. Quite the opposite. Your injuries are healing beautifully, and your body is reacclimating very well. The physical therapist is impressed with the muscle tone youve retained. No, I was just telling your...family, he hedges, not sure what Kurt is comfortable with at this beginning of the week. point. That we want to keep you under observation for the weekend, get you established on solid foods,

fitted for crutches, but if all goes well, and I have no reason to think it wont, you can go home at the

Kurt looks between his father and Blaine, both smiling, and tries to take comfort in the confidence he sees Its going to be hell getting through the airport on crutches, he says finally, laughing at the thought. manage. there. They think he can do this; he might as well trust them.

Everyone else remains silent and he looks up to see his dad frowning; Blaine just looks crushed. What? Ill Kurt, Burt says gently, resting his hand on Kurts foot, the closest part of him he can reach. Youre not coming back to Ohio.

- 35 -

Contents

Part Three
What - but thats where we live, Dad, Kurt says, staring confusedly at Burt. His eyes flicker to Blaine, the bedroom...

downturn of his mouth and sudden dullness in eyes that so far have only been bright, and he remembers.

His voice starts to go sharp, his breaths quickening. But - I thought I needed familiar surroundings - my Your room isnt even there anymore, buddy, Burt says. And the memories youve lost are-- Hes cut off by Kurts raised voice. What do you mean my room isnt there? You got rid of the house? What about--

Kurt, Burt says sharply, and he hasnt used that tone with his son in years, always hated doing it, but that house in a decade.

sometimes Kurt gets inside his own head and its impossible to pull him off the ledge. We havent lived in What about moms dresser? Kurt asks quietly.

Its in our bedroom, Blaine answers, just as hushed, and Kurt realizes its the first time hes spoken. His voice is rough, like hes choking, and when Kurt properly looks at Blaine, he sees the tension in his jaw, his shoulders, his fists clenched at his sides. But mostly he sees Blaines eyes. Theyre wet. I - I dont mean, Kurt starts. Stops. Takes a breath and tries again, wishing Blaine would look at him tone makes Blaine finally meet his eyes, and the tension in his body visibly lessens. ecstatic that I dont live in Lima, I still think I do. I didnt mean to upset you, Blaine. The desperation in his

instead of focusing so carefully on the wall. I keep forgetting. You say home, I think Ohio. Even though Im

Hey, no, Blaine says softly. What did I say? Whatever you want. Your pace. The doctor just thinks... he looks to Dr. Miller pleadingly, hoping it sounds more convincing, more like a treatment plan, if it comes from an authority.

Kurt, the doctor starts. Physiologically, youre fine. Fantastic. Far better than anyone expected. Even its locked, to put it in laymans terms.

your brain imaging shows no visible damage. Which means your memory isnt lost; its just...well, well say - 36 -

Contents So how do I unlock it? Kurt asks, and Burt and Blaine both know that tone, though its shaped differently with the softer voice hes been speaking in since he woke up in the past. Hes talking through gritted teeth and they hope that Dr. Miller makes it through the rest of his spiel pretty quickly, lest he be on the receiving end of a Kurt Hummel bitch fit.

Theres no way of telling what could trigger memory recovery, or when, Dr. Miller sighs. The best thing to do is immerse yourself in your life, in familiar surroundings. Which means going home with Blaine. Can you give us a minute, doctor? Blaine asks, and the man nods and leaves without a word. Blaine into Kurts eyes. He takes a shaky breath, but his voice is strong when he speaks.

braces both palms on the mattress, rests his weight on his hands as he leans forward and looks directly If you want to go to Ohio, its ok, he says slowly. His inhale hitches almost imperceptibly, his exhale is shaky again, and Kurt realizes hes fighting not to cry. Without thinking, he reaches out and covers Blaines to grasp Kurts, like hes the only thing keeping Blaine on the ground. Maybe he is. hand with his own; he startles himself with the move and is about to pull back when Blaine flips his hand

And thats what decides it. It would be so easy to run; to go back to Ohio. He could help his dad at the shop bedroom he doesnt recognize and wait for something to make him remember.

and read through old schoolwork to try to catch up. Maybe he could learn to drive. He could hide in a But hes never seen happiness and relief and hope radiating off of someone the way it has been with Blaine since he woke up. And Kurt doesnt know him, his favorite color or his birthday or his last name, Its love. He promised Blaine he would remember him, that he would try, and so he will. even, and even though Kurts never been on the receiving end of the look in his eyes, he knows what it is. No, Kurt says firmly, covering their clasped hands with his free one and smiling when Blaine follows suit you.

until theyre both leaning awkwardly, all four of their hands a tangled mess. No, Ill come home. With Youre sure? Blaine asks, and if Kurt wasnt already decided, the hope in Blaines voice even as it cracks with emotion seals it. Kurt nods, just keeps nodding so his voice doesnt betray how scared he is. - 37 -

Contents Burt agrees to stay in the city, stay nearby at the hotel until Kurt is settled and comfortable at home (and

even though he knows wherever hes going is home, the word still conjures up images of his basement bedroom and its hard to move past that, to process that that room is just gone) but Kurt still keeps him go back to Ohio on Monday so he can keep an eye on the shop for Burt, so theyre eager to spend as much nice life so far; he wishes any of it was familiar. close all weekend. Finns a teacher, like Blaine, so hes similarly off for the summer, and he and Carole will time with Kurt as possible. He asks questions, listens to stories, looks at photos. It seems like hes had a When Blaine appears Saturday morning, the morning after the home bombshell, Kurt asks if they can wait to talk about them. Im not avoiding it, I promise, Kurt is quick to explain. But my family is leaving Monday and it might be...easier? If we wait until we go home. No interruptions. Blaine agrees words we and home. immediately, not only because hed promised Kurt they could go at his pace, but because hed used the Kurts plaster cast comes off on Saturday afternoon; he grimaces at how shrunken his calf looks and makes snarky comments about the lack of progress in medical fashion when Blaine goes with him to get fitted for a walking cast and knee brace. By Sunday hes eating full meals, or at least what the hospital passes off as meals, and hobbling up and down the hallway outside of his room, leaning on Burt for that experiment). Theres no doubt now; hes getting discharged tomorrow. support. (Hed been given a crutch for stability, but Finn had called him Tiny Tim and that was the end of Finn and Caroles flight is early on Monday morning, so they come to say goodbye Sunday night. Kurt allows Finn to hug him, only jumps the smallest bit, and thats more from the sheer strength of the scowl Kurt gives him makes him laugh brightly as he leaves. Love you, bro. messenger bag. embrace than anything. Ive been wanting to do that for 6 weeks, Finn says, shrugging one shoulder before leaning in for another, less intense, embrace. He ruffles Kurts hair when he pulls back, and the Blaine shows up early Monday morning, another bag slung over his shoulder with his now familiar Well, as lovely as it is, I didnt think youd be up for venturing out in your gown, Blaine says when Kurt without permission, but I figured it was ok just this once. (Its the first time Ive gone into our bedroom.)

raises a questioning eyebrow. He shakes the bag at him playfully. Clothes. I ventured into your closet

- 38 -

Contents I suppose, Kurt says, a wry smile on his face as he takes the bag. As long as you didnt mess anything up. I really doubt Ive gotten any more lenient about my closet over the years. Not a bit, Blaine agrees. Kurt pulls the clothes out, examines them, and Blaine suddenly feels like hes taking a test he didnt study for. So, of course, he starts talking. I, um, I wasnt sure what to grab, exactly. I not so.. went for simple, but none of your pants will fit around the cast and all of your shorts have straps on them and its going to be literally a hundred degrees today but I didnt know if youd want your arms covered or

colored lightweight henley that are both impossibly soft. A pair of well-worn running shoes clatter around in the bottom of the bag (That cast is bound to stretch your shoe out, it was the easiest sacrifice, Blaine explains). This is good, Kurt looks at Blaine, smiling approvingly, and Blaine exhales in relief.

Kurt lays out a pair of knee-length, gunmetal gray shorts, a simple pale blue v-neck t-shirt and similarly

Kurt is discharged at noon, freshly showered and dressed in real clothes, and its startling when he looks in the mirror and really sees the breadth of his shoulders, his narrow waist. Its one thing to see through a alone in the bathroom, stare into the mirror and try to reconcile his minds eye with reality. hospital gown, or even naked, but the clothes bring it all into sharp relief and he takes a second to stand Theres a towncar waiting, because the only thing that has made Rachel feel useful for the past 6 weeks messenger bag and slipping a pair of aviators into Kurts hand with a wink that Kurt just barely catches from behind Blaines own sunglasses.

was to throw her credit card at anything that needed it. Before Kurt can flinch at the sudden shock of sunlight, so different than the artificial, fluorescent light of the hospital, Blaine is producing a case from his

Once he doesnt have to squint against the sun, Kurt cant stop staring upward. Everything in Manhattan is view isnt dimmed by the tinted windows.

tall; he knows that in the abstract, but its so, so different now, when hes close enough to touch. He doesnt

stop looking even as Burt helps him into the back of the car, immediately rolls down the window so his

Where do I - we - where do we live? What neighborhood? Kurt asks, a little breathless as the car crawls along. There are so many people outside, even in the middle of the day on a Monday. Kurts sure theyre judging him, but hes in New York and cant be bothered to care about that at the moment. - 39 -

Contents Upper West Side, Blaine says, twisting around from the front seat to answer. About a block away from goes back to staring out the window, practically hanging his head out as he cranes his neck.

Central Park. If we were on a higher floor, wed have a nice view of the park. Kurt hums in response and Mercifully, their building has an elevator, and Burt helps Kurt into it as Blaine trails behind, carrying their bags and the crutches Kurt is still refusing to use. Kurts still a little skittish about anyone other than Burt touching him, so Blaine keeps his distance. His hands are literally itching at having Kurt so close but not to let go. being able to touch him freely, but maybe thats good right now, because hes not sure hed actually be able Why dont you show him around, Burt suggests as Blaine unlocks the door. I need to call Finn, remind him of a few things; its been awhile since he was in the shop. That ok, Kurt? Kurt hesitates, just for a Do you want the crutches? Blaine offers, holding them out. You should really take some weight off of when he sprained his ankle during his senior year of college, the way Kurt had picked up his crutches to waiting for Kurt to follow. second, but nods.

your leg, and Finns not here to make jokes. Kurt rolls his eyes but nods, taking them and awkwardly make fun of his lack of grace with them, and promptly overbalanced and fell, almost earning a pair for himself. But Kurt seems steady now, if a little slow, so he starts to walk backwards around the apartment, The kitchen, Blaine starts. Which probably has nothing...oh, nope, Rachels been here, were stocked. Oh

swinging forward. Blaine hovers for a moment until hes sure Kurts not going to fall over. He remember

wow she even bought meat. Vegan, he explains at Kurts confused look. Laundry rooms through the kitchen, but its not interesting. Theres a good chance the washer is actually a spaceship though, Im DVR right now. Try not to fall asleep on the couch, youll never get the crick out of your neck. relatively sure youve been holding out on me. Living room, I dont even want to think of the state of the Kurt nods, a small smile on his face as he follows Blaine across the living room toward a hallway. The apartment is beautiful; not overly large but the space is well utilized. He clearly decorated it, judging by the small splashes of color woven throughout the rooms.

eyebrow and Blaine rubs his hand across his face, then waves his hands awkwardly into the room. Yeah.

Heres the nu-- Blaine starts, cutting himself off midsentence. Um, not bedroom. Kurt raises an

Theoretically a bedroom but...not. One. In this apartment. Clearly. His voice is stilted, scratchy and too - 40 -

Contents high as Kurt looks around. The room is clearly divided, one side housing a small piano, other instruments littered around it, a bookcase full of sheet music. On the other side theres an expensive looking sewing machine, a large drafting table covered in sketches.

(This will make a great nursery, Kurt says, keeping Blaine a few steps behind the realtor. Theyve been looking at apartments all day and this is the first one theyve both agreed on so far. When were ready. For spends the next few minutes showing Blaine how they can set it up as both an office and a proper nursery, how a crib can replace the piano. When were ready, he says again, squeezing Blaines hand. They sign the lease that afternoon.) now, it can be the office. But I guess music and fashion are our babies. So it can still be the nursery. He

Blaine starts moving again and Kurt makes a mental note to revisit that room later, look through what are of the hall, his hands flailing awkwardly again.

apparently his sketches. Blaine points out the bathroom, the fuse box just in case, then stops at the end Heres the, uh, bedroom, he says, and oh. That explains the awkward. This is their bedroom. Blaine walks here, so he lets himself look. clears his throat. by early this morning to pick up clothes for Kurt (I havent slept here once without you) but now Kurts

further into the room, stops and actually looks around. Hed gone straight to the closet when hed stopped

Its...nice, Kurt says after a minute, and Blaine can practically feel the tension radiating off of him. Blaine You can...youll sleep here, of course, he says quickly. Ill stay in the living room. I thought you said not to sleep on the couch? not ideal, not yet, but theyre home.

Ill manage, Blaine shrugs, gestures for Kurt to lead the way back to the living room. Theyre home. Its They keep things light; Burt and Blaine are both worried about overloading Kurt. Hes been dealing with everything so well thus far and it must be confusing to be taken to an unfamiliar place and told its your finished dinner (which Burt insists on making, says hes feeling nostalgic even though Kurt never let him cook so theres nothing to actually be nostalgic for) when Kurt yawns widely. home, so they stick to impersonal topics, continuing what Kurt calls his pop culture catchup. Theyve just - 41 -

Contents I shouldnt be so tired, he laughs. Considering I just slept for 6 weeks. Blaine flinches and Kurt sighs. Sorry, too soon. But...will you judge me if I need to go to bed? Of course not. Blaine stacks the plates and takes them to the sink as Burt follows Kurt to the bedroom. Blaine follows a minute later when Kurt calls his name, enters the bedroom to see Kurt pulling open the drawers in his mothers dresser. Where do I keep my pajamas? Kurt asks, closing one drawer and opening the next. there, looking far too amused. What do I sleep in, then?

Oh, Blaine starts. Um.. You dont. Have. Any? And oh, Blaine really wishes Burt wasnt standing right

If ever there was a time to develop telepathic powers, this is it. Blaine stands there, staring at Kurt, catches on quickly, Blaine sees recognition dawn in his eyes.

begging with his eyes. Please dont make me say this in front of your dad. Whether it works or Kurt just

Oh. Well, do you? I could borrow... Kurt trails off as Blaine shakes his head minutely. Ah.

I can go buy you some! Blaine says far too loudly. He swears he hears Burt snort and oh how he hates his muffles another laugh and Blaines stomach twists when Kurt doesnt. Ill be twenty minutes, tops.

father-in-law right now. Yes. I can go buy you pajamas. Of course. Theres... he looks at his watch, mentally scans the neighborhood, shakes his head and sighs. Theres a Gap a few blocks away. Burt

True to his word, Blaines back with Kurts pajama pants (and a pair for himself, because he figures it will make Kurt more comfortable) before Kurt is done with his skincare routine, and he stands with Burt in the doorway, watching fondly. Its easier to pretend, in this moment, that everything is fine. Blaine grabs his pillow and a blanket from the bed and leaves Burt to get Kurt settled.

Just yell if you need me, Blaine says, holding out a hand and smiling when Kurt doesnt hesitate to take it. He squeezes Kurts hand gently, runs his thumb over his knuckles before he lets go and backs toward the door. Night.

- 42 -

Contents Kurt smiles as he says goodnight. He wonders why Blaine always backs away when he leaves, eyes wide and almost hungry, like hes afraid to turn away. Burt falls heavily onto the couch, lifting his arm and letting Blaine curl into his side.

Youre doing good, kid, Burt says. He told me it was ok if I went back to the hotel, so we know hes not scared of you. Blaine just nods in acknowledgment, and Burt leans forward to grab the remote from the coffee table. Its early. You up for some baseball? Sure, Blaine shrugs, staring blankly at the TV.

Im not just here for him, ya know, Burt says quietly. Blaine nods again, reaching up to pat Burts arm the game, when Burt speaks again. How was the Gap?

where its slung across his shoulders. Theyre quiet for a few minutes, watching the mindless repetition of

Blaine reaches blindly behind him, hand closing around a throw pillow that he slings forward into Burts Burts shoulder and they both dissolve into laughter. -----

face. Burt grabs it, keeps it there to muffle himself so they dont wake Kurt as Blaine buries his face in

Its early when Kurt wakes up, even though the alarm clock says hes slept almost 12 hours. Hes too hot, sweat matting his hair and making his pajamas stick to his skin. He manages to stand up, hobbles quietly to the bathroom on his crutches, which are already irritating his arms but Blaines right, he should try to use them whenever possible. He creeps into the living room, wondering if Blaine is awake, and his breath know). catches at what he finds. He leans against the wall and lets himself watch (Just for a minute. Hell never Blaine is sleeping soundly; hes on his back, his mouth open, and hes snoring just a little. Theres a blanket

covering him, tangled around his legs, and Kurt notices that hes wearing pajamas similar to his own, head, and Kurts mouth goes dry.

realizes he must have bought them last night, probably as a courtesy to Kurt. He smiles at the thought, how Blaine has been so, so careful to make sure hes comfortable. Blaine shifts, throwing an arm over his - 43 -

Contents The movement makes the blanket fall around his waist, and oh god hes not wearing a shirt. Kurt knows he should turn around, that hes venturing into creepy, but he cant tear his eyes away from the expanse of shoulders. His bicep is flexed with the way his arm cradles his head and Kurt wants to squeeze it. tan skin. He could tell Blaine was fit, but this is just ridiculous. The peek of a sharp hipbone over a narrow waist, tight abs (the likes of which Kurts never seen outside of movies) that lead to a firm chest and broad The thought makes him shake his head, bring himself back to a reality where he is not standing in the acceptable time to get up, and knocks his crutches over.

hallway ogling a half naked, sleeping man. He turns to go back to the bedroom and wait for a more Kurt? Blaines voice is hoarse and it makes something that he tries to ignore swoop low in his stomach.

Its early, he says softly. Go back to sleep. But Blaines already sitting up, hair rumpled and a sleepy then crosses to where Kurts standing, bending down to retrieve the fallen crutches.

smile on his face. He stands and stretches and thats even better than when he was laying down (stop it), Thanks, Kurt says, his voice cracking. He shivers a little, the sweat on his skin cooling because its easily when he hears Blaine chuckle quietly.

15 degrees colder out here. He pulls the fabric of his t-shirt away from his body, grimacing, and looks up Im guessing youve discovered why you dont usually sleep in pajamas, Blaine says, his voice teasing but not mocking. Its like an oven in there. I really want to shower, Kurt sighs, then frowns. Hes not supposed to put any weight on his leg when the cast is off; he and Blaine both know this. shakes his head. I can call Burt? Blaine offers, pushing through like he has every time, and Kurt is grateful for it. But he Its not even 7. He needs to sleep. Kurt had known something was wrong when Burt started each day by

popping a handful of pills. Had demanded to be filled in the night before when he watched his dad cook persistent, and was now determined not to put any extra burden on his father.

and eat grilled chicken and a salad with practiced ease and no complaints. They hadnt wanted to worry him with news of the heart attacks when he was already so anxious, Burt had explained. But Kurt was

- 44 -

Contents Ill manage. Ill just hop on one foot, Ive got decent balance, Kurt says, but Blaine is emphatically shaking his head. No way. Our bathtub is freakishly slippery, and you wont let me put those traction decals in. Thats because theyre hideous. They make sophisticated ones.

Tell me you didnt want the ducks, Kurt says, arching an eyebrow.

Kurt immediately flushes. He realizes, in the abstract, that Blaine has seen him naked. But he is very actively not thinking about that, and the shower situation makes it hard to avoid. I can...just wait, Kurt says to the floor. Its fine.

Exactly what I was hoping for). He sighs and opens his eyes, suggests quietly, I can help?

...Touche, Blaine grins. He closes his eyes, soaking up the moment; its almost like Kurt is back, but then

again hes always hated things like that (Yes, Blaine. Granite countertops, black porcelain bathtub, ducks.

Kurt, youre miserable when youre sweaty. (Unless its from sex. No, dont think about that). Just...Oh! Wait here. I have an idea. Blaine darts into the bedroom without waiting for a response and Kurt hears him rustling around, the thump of something falling, a muffled curse followed by a victorious a-HA!

Blaine re-emerges a few minutes later, and Kurt cant stop the laugh that escapes as he stands in the doorway, arms spread wide. Blaine has changed out of his pajamas and is wearing a bathing suit, close been so far, Kurt gets the feeling that he is just a bit of a jackass, a snorkel. fitting board shorts with an awful floral pattern. And, because for as sweet and accommodating as he has Is there a point to this...? Kurt trails off, gesturing vaguely to Blaines body (even his calves are nice).

I, Blaine starts, grinning widely, and he looks very proud of himself. Am going to stand in the shower when he speaks again his voice is gentle. I wont look, Kurt. Just think of me as a human safety rail.

with my back to you. And you can use me for balance. Kurt bites his lip, considering. It makes sense, but it

still means hes naked in the shower with another person. Blaine must see the conflict in his eyes, because - 45 -

Contents Alright, Kurt sighs. Hes really starting to feel gross as more of the sweat dries and leaves him feeling sticky. But why the snorkel? Oh, Blaine laughs again, pulling it off and tossing it behind him into the bedroom with a shrug. It was bathroom. By the time he follows, Blaine is already standing in the shower, facing the wall with his hands a deep breath, pulling off his clothes before stepping gingerly into the shower and unhooking his cast.

just in the bin with our beach stuff. Kurt shakes his head, gesturing for Blaine to lead the way into the on his hips. Kurt takes a second to admire the muscles in his back (he has muscles everywhere) and takes Top lever, about 60 degrees to the left, then pull down on the ring around the faucet, Blaine instructs. over Blaines naked shoulder, trying to keep his balance with minimal contact.

The red loofah is yours. Kurt does as he says, yelping at the initial shock of cold water before it quickly heats up to a wonderfully warm temperature. He pours shower gel onto the loofah and ghosts his fingers

Kurt. You can touch me, Blaine says plainly. I know youre... he casts his eyes to the ceiling, looking for the right word. Hesitant. And that youre very uncomfortable right now. But youre safe. Its ok. I promise. Kurt grips his shoulder at that, and Blaine smiles at the wall. Blaine thinks hes doing very well, considering hes standing in the shower with his very naked husband, Kurt pop open the shampoo, then sigh and stop moving altogether.

whom he has not seen or touched in over 6 weeks, and is keeping his hands and eyes to himself. He hears Were at an impasse, Kurt says. Blaine just hums in question, waiting for him to continue. I cant...I cant fingers dig into Blaines shoulder in a way that definitely doesnt make Blaine think of anything else. he was as much of a mess as Kurt feels right now, he isnt sure he could get through this. My hair. Just dont...

properly wash my hair like this. I need...oh god. I either need you to wash my hair or keep me balanced, or

were both going down in a heap. He slips a little at that moment, as if to emphasize his point, and his Just tell me whats easiest for you, Blaine insists, and Kurt is grateful hes so easy with this, so casual. If Um, Kurt stalls, thinking of the options. Blaines eyes on his body or his hands. Both make his head spin. Ill keep my eyes above your neck, Blaine promises. Ready? He turns around at Kurts ok, chin pointedly raised so hes looking into Kurts eyes - more at his forehead, really. He holds a hand out and - 46 -

Contents Kurt pours shampoo into it, setting it on the ledge before resting both hands on Blaines shoulders with a small smile. his scalp. Sorry Im so weird, he says quietly, letting Blaines hands tip his head back a little as strong fingers rub at Not weird, Blaine answers, meeting Kurts eyes for just a moment before returning his focus to his When he glances down again, Kurts eyes are closed, and it would be so easy to just keep looking, let his eyes drift down the body hes missed so much, but he wont. Kurt trusts him not to, so he wont.

hands. He ignores the hum of contentment that comes from Kurts throat, wonders if Kurt even noticed it.

Hold on, Blaine murmurs, feeling Kurts grip tighten as he tips his head back into the spray, the long, pale Blaine reaches to the towel bar while Kurt turns the water off, grabs a fluffy terrycloth robe (which is actually his, but Kurts isnt absorbent) and passes it back to him before he steps out of the tub.

column of his neck filling Blaines field of vision. He works the shampoo out with a sigh; hes always loved

washing Kurts hair, second only to Kurt washing his. They repeat the process with conditioner and then

Say when, Blaine says, not turning until Kurt gives the ok. You cant put your cast back on until your leg then well get you dried off and back in the cast, alright?

is dry, he explains, and hes inching forward as Kurt looks confusedly at him. Im just going to lift you out, Kurt nods, holding his breath when Blaines hands grip his waist and he lifts him far too easily over the lip enough to accept it, but hes also gained muscle. Hes not small; hes bigger than Blaine, at the very least taller, and Blaine just picked him up like he weighed nothing.

of the tub, right onto the edge of the counter. Kurt knows he lost the baby fat, hes looked in the mirror

He gets lost in contemplating that for a moment, and doesnt notice until he looks down that Blaine is carefully drying his leg, his touch feather light. He doesnt look up until hes secured the cast. He smiles brightly, reaches forward and lifts Kurt again, setting him gently on the floor.

Tada, Blaine sings, handing Kurt his crutches. Blaine leaves him to get dressed, pointing out a pair of tearaway track pants he picked up the night before that are now folded neatly on the bed, and disappearing with a deep breath and a call of, Im making pancakes.

- 47 -

Contents Breakfast is quiet; Blaine watches Kurts eyes dart fitfully around the kitchen, out into the living room, searching for something he isnt finding. He waits for Kurt to ask him something. About the kitchen, the apartment, about them. Kurt is quiet. Blaine waits.

Tuesday passes much like Monday; Burt comes over late in the morning with a large stack of fashion magazines that make Kurts eyes light up. Rachel and Mercedes, who stayed away on Monday to let him settle in, arrive after lunch. Kurt asks them question after question about high school, about college. He notices, somewhere in the back of his mind, that theres a veritable black hole in his junior year, wonders fraught with drama. But before he can follow the train of thought, Mercedes is wheezing through a story OK from Kurt. They sit in the living room, Kurt leafing through a magazine while Blaine stares at a book that might be upside down in his lap. Blaine waits.

how it could have possibly been so boring when every other millisecond of their lives then seems so about Rachels Gaga costume. Everyone leaves after dinner, even Burt leaves earlier than normal after an

Kurt is quiet.

Wednesday passes like Tuesday; Blaine wakes when he hears Kurt enter the living room, can feel Kurts

eyes on him as he continues to feign sleep for a few minutes. He stretches obviously to give Kurt time to retreat, rolls his neck with a grimace, gestures vaguely to the couch at Kurts question and shrugs off his apology. He helps him shower, keeps his eyes north, his hands where theyre needed. He makes breakfast, waits until Burt arrives to excuse himself to the shower. He leans his forehead against the tile, lets the water run down his back, cranks the lever hotter, hotter, almost burning but at least he feels it, down to his bones.

Thursday morning Burt walks in frustrated, barking into the phone in a tone Blaine hasnt heard in years. taxes and this is really not the time for this, my son is sick. And thats what makes Kurt balk. Not waking up in a world he doesnt recognize, in a life he doesnt remember making. Not needing his stranger-husband

Something about the new business next door to the shop, property line disputes and surveys and back to help him shower. But his dad referring to him as sick. Blaine sees something change in Kurts eyes at

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Contents that, holds onto it with everything he has (come back come back comeback) as Kurt sits his dad down and tells him to book a flight. Burt argues, but Kurt always wins these things, and Burt knows that; Blaine thinks he argues just to give never Blaine. When he looks at Blaine he seems, if nothing else, sure. Sure of what, Blaine isnt sure. you sures and an equal number of yesses and Kurt looks at everything in the apartment hesitantly, but

Kurt something to do, hasnt been that invested in actually winning a fight in years. There are a million are

Blaine leaves for a large chunk of Thursday afternoon, gives Burt time alone with Kurt and himself just high, faster than he should when he hasnt run in months, hasnt even warmed up today, and runs. Runs running. from the past. Runs toward the future. Feels the burn in his calves, his lungs, his eyes. Ignores it. Keeps When he stops, hes exactly where he started.

time alone. Uses the gym membership he never uses and hops on a treadmill, turns the speed up far too

Burt leaves right after dinner on Thursday; he claims its due to an early flight, but Blaine is pretty sure

that if he stays any longer hell convince himself not to leave. He hugs Blaine tightly, almost forcing the air

out of his lungs. He doesnt say anything. He doesnt need to; at this point theyve said everything, shared worries and hopes and fears and tragedies and victories so immense that anything he could say would hands and kisses his forehead, says something that Blaine doesnt quite catch, but its not meant for him to hear. Kurt nods at whatever it is, just one sharp movement, and then Burts heading for the door. He disappears. seem trite anyway. He walks back to Kurt, balancing awkwardly on his crutches. Cups his face in both pauses with his hand on the doorknob, turns back, reminds them that he loves them, both of them, and

Kurt is quiet. Blaine waits.

Kurt finishes his nightly skin regimen (hes finally getting the hang of the new products hes rotated in tossing underwear toward a leather duffel on the floor. - 49 -

over the years), startling a little when he swings into the bedroom and happens upon Blaine carelessly

Contents Oh, Blaine looks up at Kurts surprised yelp. Ill be out of the way in a second. Are you, um, going somewhere?

Yeah.. Blaine trails off, dragging his hand through his hair until its clenched around the back of his neck. He starts rubbing it absently as he speaks. Im, uh, Im just going to check into the hotel for the night. I an hour, and when he does, his voice is almost inaudible. Im sorry. wont leave until youre asleep, and Ill be back early. You wont even notice that Im gone. (Please notice Im gone.) Youll be ok here, right? Kurt doesnt say anything in response, not for a minute that feels like

Blaine jumps immediately, drops the t-shirt that was clutched in his hand, closes the space between them but stops just short of touching Kurt. Hey. No, he says, ducking until he can catch Kurts downcast eyes. Its just - I warned you about that

couch. My neck is a wreck. (So is my brain.) And then I had the brilliant idea to run nine miles this What would you have to be sorry for?

afternoon and Im pretty sure that if I sleep on the couch tonight I might not actually be able to get up in the morning. (I feel like Im losing it and I cant break in front of you.) He stops, cocks his head in thought.

I told you I would remember you, Kurt sighs. And its been days and just. Nothing. I wouldnt blame you for being upset, for not - not wanting to be here. Im not upset, Blaine insists. (Not at you. Never at you.) A piece of Kurts hair falls across his forehead and was a bad idea, how thin his reasoning sounds, even though the couch really is killing him. He looks away, and when he looks back, Kurt has his eyes closed, is taking deep breaths.

Blaines hand twitches in reflex; he barely stops himself from reaching out to fix it. I dont want to - not be here. (I dont want to be anywhere but here.) Its just. He sighs, shaking his head; he shouldve realized this

You can - Kurt says quietly as he opens his eyes, gesturing vaguely toward the bed with one of his crutches. We can share the bed. - 50 -

Contents Kurt, no. Thats not what I meant. Blaine can hear his voice rising but cant stop it. This is the opposite of anything. No. Of course Ill stay. Ill stay on the couch. Its fine. I would never--

what he promised Kurt and he cant do that to him. Not already, not ever. Im not trying to - push, or Blaine. Kurt reaches out and grabs Blaines arm, just below his elbow, before sliding down to clasp all the way down to his toes, and his eyes close at the touch.

Blaines hand in his own. Kurt has so rarely initiated any contact so far that when he does, Blaine feels it Blaine, its ok. I know youre not trying to trick me or something. I was...I was going to suggest it earlier, anyway. He wasnt, at least he hadnt planned to, but when he says it Blaine seems to exhale a little, become a little less frantic, and the thought doesnt bother him, much, so he goes with it. The bed is big. looking at him, and he knows hes looking for signs of nerves. Well share the bed. Ok? He tries to sound more authoritative, surer than he is, because Blaine is just Finally, Blaine nods. Ok. But dont - dont ever do something just because you think you have to, ok? I just want you to be...ok. He was going to say happy but doesnt think that applies here, not right now, when Kurt is lost and Blaine cant find him. Im ok, Kurt says, then yawns. Im also tired. So Im going to go to bed.

Me too, Blaine says quickly, trying not to look too eager. But hes going to be sleeping with Kurt. Just sleeping, really just sharing space, but its so much; its everything. If thats ok, I mean. Blaine, Kurt says again, the tone of his voice stemming the latest rise of uncertainty in Blaines stomach. If Im going to trust you, you have to trust me, alright? I have no idea what Im doing here, but Ive got pretty good instincts.

You do, Blaine agrees, darting to where his pajama pants are folded on top of the dresser and grabbing a t-shirt for good measure before heading for the bathroom to change. Kurt is already in bed when he returns, laying carefully and precisely along the edge of his side of the bed. Blaine smiles fondly at the sight, smiles wider when he sees Kurt attempt to sneakily crack an eye open. corner of his eye. He pulls back the blankets and settles into his pillows, glancing at Kurt, still completely still, from the - 51 -

Contents Youre going to fall off the bed, Blaine chuckles. Kurt huffs, and Blaine can tell without looking that its a noise borne of frustration, embarrassment. Blaine wants to ease his mind, tell him Just pretend its a sleepover, but he remembers that this Kurt doesnt have those friends yet, the ones that crowd his bed alone when hes at his most vulnerable. for sleepovers. This Kurt has a personal space bubble that hardly anyone breaches in the light of day, let Its ok, Blaine says instead, and its lame, too simple, but its all he has. He extends his arm into the nomans land between them, lays his hand palm up on the mattress. week, every time Blaine has held out his hand, Kurt has taken it. Kurt breathes, then reaches out, rests his hand in Blaines. For everything that has happened in the past Kurts hand is warm in his, and hes not sure how subtle it is when he slides his thumb down to rest on his pulse. Kurt is warm and breathing and laying next to him in their bed. And thats what finally makes Blaine lose it.

Kurt inches toward the center of the bed, stopping when he hears a quiet hitching of breath. He looks over pillow.

to see Blaine staring at the ceiling, tears streaming steadily from the corners of his eyes and onto the Blaine? he asks quietly, propping himself up on an elbow. Blaine stays silent, just squeezes his hand closes, jaw working but nothing coming out until he finally takes a deep, shaky breath. Kurt.

harshly in response. Blaine, whats wrong? Come on. Talk to me. He watches as Blaines mouth opens,

It comes out as a sob, his hand tightening further around Kurts. Kurt freezes, not sure what to do even as

his body moves of its own volition, moves toward Blaine, overcome by the need to be closer. He tugs on their joined hands, now all but trapped between their bodies with Kurts new proximity, and Blaine finally looks at him. His eyes are wide, overly bright and so lost, and Kurts heart seizes. He lets go of Blaines Blaines shoulders, pulling him across whats left of the distance and into his body. Kurt? Blaine asks wetly, freezing at the contact. hand, shushing him when a whimper escapes his throat at the loss of contact, and slides his arm under

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Contents Shh, shh. Kurt uses the arm around Blaines back to press his head down until its resting on his chest. He

like this since he was young, but it feels natural. It feels necessary, like protecting Blaine is his only responsibility right now. Blaines head fits perfectly on his shoulder, and when he tentatively raises his hand and rests it on Kurts heart, it feels right to cover Blaines hand with his own, lace his fingers into the gaps between Blaines.

has no idea what hes doing, has never comforted anyone this way; hasnt allowed himself to be comforted

Blaines still shaking, a steady tremor punctuated by body wracking sobs. Kurt slides his arm down to tighten around Blaines waist, squeezes their joined hands. He rocks back and forth, just slightly, and the motion seems to calm Blaine; his breathing quiets, the shaking stops. Im sorry, Blaine whispers; he starts to pull away, but Kurt tightens his grip again. Sleep, Kurt murmurs into his hair.

Blaines hand tightens in the fabric of Kurts t-shirt; he can feel tears still leaking from his eyes but it doesnt matter anymore. Kurt is solid underneath him, around him, holding him the way he has since they lets the steady rise and fall of his chest lull him to sleep. were 17, and the knot in Blaines stomach loosens as his eyes close. He lets his breathing sync with Kurts,

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Contents

Part Four
Kurt wakes up, as usual, far too warm. Its late in the morning, when the sun is unrelenting and already added component of the living, breathing space heater currently curled around him, clinging like a koala.

prepared to make the day hell, judging by the brightness pressing against his eyelids, but now theres the He keeps his eyes closed for a moment. Blaines weight is heavy against him; he must have shifted during waist, and theres an ankle entwined with Kurts good leg. Kurt wiggles his fingers trying to place where the somehow cool fabric of the pillow where his head rests, the other warm skin. That makes him open his eyes. his arms are, both a little numb with how little he seems to have moved during the night. One hand meets

the night because his head is now pillowed on Kurts chest. His arm is wrapped securely around Kurts

He blinks heavily against the light, groaning involuntarily and wincing at the noise; Blaines still out cold, snuffling lightly into his chest. He glances down carefully, sees that his hand has slipped under the fabric of Blaines shirt and is resting on the small of his back. Hes laying half on his stomach, essentially sprawled across the bed and Kurts body, and when Kurt cranes his neck he can see Blaines face. His gone, at least for now, and his brow isnt creased the way it had been the past few mornings during Kurts (completely innocent and only marginally creepy) observation routine. Good morning, Kurt says quietly when Blaine shifts eventually. He runs his hand softly across Blaines he doesnt want him to panic when his brain catches up. Kurt realizes hes still touching skin (and rubbing it, now, actually) and takes a deep breath. eyelids are fluttering but his face is peaceful; the worry lines that have been there since last week are

back, reminding him where he is. Blaine had been such a wreck when he finally fell asleep last night that

Mmm, Blaine mumbles, tightening his arm around Kurts waist. Morning baby. Kurt holds still; Blaines voice is low, hoarse with sleep (and likely from last nights tears), and the endearment vibrates through happening; his arm goes slack around Kurts waist and he freezes. him, leaving even more warmth in its wake. He can tell the moment Blaine fully wakes up, realizes whats Sorry, he says quickly, untangling himself and rolling onto his back. Only when hes put a little distance between them does he look over and hes relieved to see that the worry he feels isnt mirrored in Kurts - 54 -

Contents eyes, which are still morning-soft, but intent in a new way. I. It slipped out. And - I cling, it cant be helped.

Its alright, Kurt smiles, interrupting before Blaine can melt down again. I cant imagine dealing with this from your side of things. Ignorance is bliss or...something. But still. I shouldnt - I dont want to make you uncomfortable. You didnt, Kurt shrugs. You dont. Ok, but if I do...

Um. Thanks. For - last night. I didnt mean to...

Youll know. Im sure there will be some unattractive face or yelp to serve as a warning. Blaine laughs at that and Kurt sits up, claps his hands together. Since were talking about being uncomfortable, grab your bathing suit. I need a shower.

Theyre just finishing breakfast, Blaine loading the dishwasher while Kurt wipes down the table (because crutches) when Blaine turns, leans back against the kitchen island.

he insists on doing something but neither of them are eager to watch him try to carry dishes while on What do you want to do today? Youre strong enough on your crutches now, maybe we could...

No, Kurt interrupts. He takes a deep breath because hes been trying to find a way to bring this up for eyebrow.

days now, been avoiding it for longer, but this is as good a time as any. Blaine raises an inquisitive I want you to tell me about us.

Of course. Kurt sighs as he stands up, waits until he has his back to Blaine and is halfway to the couch before he keeps talking because he knows why Blaine is surprised. Knows he shouldve asked Blaine days ago, shouldnt have said tomorrow and tomorrow and then not said anything at all. I... he trails off. I want to know everything. Im just - scared.

O-ok, Blaine stutters. He tightens his hands on the edge of the counter. Wait, really?

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Contents Of what? Blaines voice is soft but much closer than he expected, and he looks up as he falls onto the couch to see Blaine following him into the room, hovering between the sofa and the armchair. Kurt pats the seam on the top as Blaine sits, mirroring his posture. the cushion next to him, shifts to lean against the arm and busies himself picking at a loose thread along Ive kind of...built it up in my head, Kurt admits. First I was just overwhelmed and there were so many what makes me remember. And then what if this doesnt make me remember?

people and there was no time to really talk like I figured we should. And then it became a thing. A capital C

Conversation and I just thought...this could be what makes me remember. And then it was this has to be Kurt, Blaine sighs. He reaches across the distance between them, hand almost to Kurts arm before he but it hangs in the air, rolling in like a sudden fog. I dont want you to be disappointed.

pulls it back suddenly and lets it drop heavily into his lap. Kurt, theres no point in freaking out. It might be today. It might be next week. It might... he trails off. (It might never happen.) He doesnt say it out loud

Blaine barely hears it, only understands because hes had years of training watching Kurt try to avoid saying something. Hey. No. His hands curl into fists and Kurt watches him take a deep breath through his (They said you were gone.) I - Kurt. You are breathing and walking...hobbling, he gives a wry smile and nose, release it through clenched teeth. He seems angry, suddenly, his words choppy like he cant finish a thought before another one crowds it out. I could never. I almost. (I almost gave up.) They said you were.

But what if...

Kurt feels the sudden tension evaporating. Around on this planet. I am incapable of being disappointed.

What if a meteor hits the apartment? Blaine deflects, because he is optimistic but mostly because he understand his point, or the panic barely concealed underneath it, because he nods slightly, one corner of his mouth lifting. There are a lot of what ifs, Kurt. But I believe you requested a story? Kurt nods and couch. Blaine jumps up, pulling a large album off the bookshelf and settling back in closer to the middle of the Kurt shifts too, inching closer to Blaine until the sides of their bodies are pressed together, shoulder to

cant do this, not right now. Hes only had him back for a week, hes not ready to let go again. Kurt must

knee, and bites his lip, darting a glance at Blaine, who smiles softly and nudges his shoulder a little. He

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Contents settles the album over their laps and asks, Alright. Abridged, or nitty gritty details? Kurt taps a finger to his lips, glancing at the ceiling in thought. want the Cliffs Notes. Does detailed overview make sense? he asks. I mean. 10 years. Thats a lot of nitty gritty. But I dont Got it, Blaine smiles. Well, we were set to be your competition for regionals - I went to Dalton, in

Westerville - and you came to spy. You stopped me on the way to a performance.

Love at first sight? Kurt asks, and theres a little teasing lilt to his voice, but its layered with something else that Blaine hasnt heard in so long. That slight sense of awe, the delight that crossed Kurts face so as maybe someday. often in the beginning of their relationship each time something happened that hed filed firmly away I think so... Blaine trails off, because theyve talked about this, when they knew vs. when they knew, and Kurt makes fun of him. He smiles at the thought. But it took us a while to get there. So Blaine talks.

Blaine always insists that he knew from the start but was just too stupid to know that he knew, and then

Its practiced by now, this tale. Theyre a novelty in all of their circles, a novelty in the world in general, really; high school sweethearts who stayed together. Gay high school sweethearts living in homophobic eyebrows, embarrassed groans, fond smiles. middle America, at that. Everyone wants the story of how they met. Its a bit strange doing all of the talking; Blaines used to the give and take of tandem storytelling, trading lines with Kurt over judgmental Wait, Kurt interrupts as Blaine is blushing his way through the Baby Its Cold Outside debacle,

remembering once again how thoroughly dumb hed been. Why...why exactly did I transfer? You said I was having trouble, but...I went back before the beginning of senior year. No ones talking about whatever drove me away. Please, Blaine, he adds when he sees Blaine hesitate. The bullying got...worse. More concentrated. McKinley, the students, the teachers, everyone...they were friends kind of...took matters into their own hands to make sure he wouldnt be a problem.

just completely incapable of handling it. Dalton presented itself, so you left. You went back when your - 57 -

Contents Who? Kurt asks quietly. Dave Karofsky.

Oh, I think I know who that is. Stocky guy? Plays hockey? Blaine nods, eyes growing wide as pieces start slotting together in his mind. He almost doesnt hear Kurts sarcastic, Well, good to know I branch out to attract the ire of new, exciting groups of people because theres so much blood rushing in his ears with his realization that this is a Kurt pre-Karofsky and everyone he represents.

And so many things fall into place. Kurt, for all intents and purposes, has been over everything those guys

did to him for years; Blaine trusts him when he says so, and has no reason to believe otherwise. But hes who he loves, and behind the irascible strength theres a haunted look in his eyes, the look of someone whos come out the other side, but not unscathed.

been bullied physically and emotionally for so many of the basic qualities of himself; his voice, his style,

The man in front of him doesnt have that. Hes bullied, sure; his reaction to Finn proved that even if Blaine hadnt long ago been told. But its still...abstract. Hes tossed in dumpsters and slushied and picked on in hasnt been said aloud yet, still exists in the realm of assumptions and self-preservation. the vague way that everyone other than the top of the heap gets picked on when theyre 14. So much And thats why this Kurts eyes are a little softer, his voice quieter. Hed told Blaine, years ago, that before he came out and started screaming just to be heard hed been content just to get through the day, get by. it right in front of him makes his heart clench. Blaine had sympathized; he was no stranger to keeping his head down and hoping for the best. But to see But hey. We can get to all that later. This is supposed to be a happy story. He nudges Kurts shoulder again; Kurts eyes are downcast and hes picking at another loose thread, and Blaine reaches out, again hesitantly. barely catching himself at the last moment and pulling his hand back. Kurts eyes snap up at the movement and he shifts a little to face Blaine, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath before looking at Blaine You can touch me.

Blaines eyes widen before his brow furrows in confusion, and Kurt breathes deeply again, charging ahead. - 58 -

Contents I mean. You dont have to touch me. I just - I see you stopping yourself. A lot. And its ok. I know its

probably natural to you. That you want to. He can feel his face heating up at the way Blaines just looking at him. But hes been watching Blaine twitch and jump for days now, willing him to close the rest of the distance. Hes been curious, and last night was a start but Blaine was practically hysterical and its different, just here on the couch in the light of day. Kurt, its ok, Blaine starts, but Kurts speaking again, almost inaudibly.

I...want you to. I think. He looks up and theres that hesitance, the imperceptible bracing for rejection.

Ok, Blaine breathes, smiling and giving in to what hes almost done a million times this week. He raises his hand, so slowly, telegraphing his intent. His fingertips land just to the side of Kurts chin, slide back Kurt leans into the touch and his eyes flutter closed. until hes gently cupping his jaw. He brushes his thumb along a sharp cheekbone, inhaling sharply when They sit like that for what feels like forever, Blaine tracing the line of Kurts cheekbone as Kurt practically nuzzles his palm. Blaines hand is warm, broad, the skin soft except for the edge of calluses that he guesses to keep the contact. When he opens his eyes, Blaine is still looking at him. came from the array of instruments in the other room, and it just feels so nice that he presses into it, wants

Hi, Blaine says quietly, his smile shifting into something smaller but somehow brighter.

Hi. Kurts staring at him a little blankly, his eyes unfocused, and Blaine can feel his skin heating under his face is so much closer now and he just wants to...

palm. His lips are parted just a little and Blaine isnt sure which of them is actually leaning in but Kurts

Kurt coughs, loudly and suddenly, jerking back so quickly that Blaines hand falls with a smack onto Kurts knee. His face is pink, heading toward beet red, and hes unbelievably interested in a throw pillow. Blaine remembers the string of almosts they had before his brain finally caught up with his heart, endless Blaines awareness for a few minutes clicks then, and he cant believe he didnt realize it immediately. Since this Kurt doesnt know Karofsky, he hasnt been kissed by Karofsky.

moments that inevitably ended in a nervous laugh, a too loud cough. He feels the sting of rejection at his husband shying away from him, just for a second, because something thats been clawing at the edge of

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Contents He hasnt been kissed by anyone.

Its not just that Kurt is nervous about the thought of kissing Blaine, not that Blaine would blame him, not his first kiss to a girl in experimentation, hasnt had it stolen by a bully. Kurt, who has been thoroughly debauched and done much debauching himself over the past decade, sits in front of him having never been twisting in his stomach at the thought that he can truly be Kurts first kiss, no qualifiers needed. kissed. Blaine is too warm all of a sudden, some strange mixture of excitement and gratitude and arousal Blaine shakes himself back to reality; now is not the time, not with Kurt somehow getting even redder, all the way down his neck and up into his hair. He coughs, grimaces when he hears exactly how fake it sounded, and hits Kurt lightly on the knee as he speaks. night... that he expected anything like what just happened; its that Kurt is nervous about kissing. He hasnt given

Oh god, I have to tell you about Valentines Day. Itll make you appreciate my journey to the Gap the other Blaines voice is practically hoarse by the end of the day; hes made it through the detailed overview, only answers to Kurts half-yawned questions.

stopping for meals and a check-in call from Burt, and by the time hes done hes yawning around his Should we go to bed? Kurt asks, eyes widening when he hears the question out loud. I mean. I should. And you look tired. And I figured you were sleeping with me - in the bed, with me, I mean. Oh shut up, he finishes with a huff, glowering as Blaine grins widely at him. Bed sounds good, Blaine says simply.

Kurt isnt hugging the edge of the bed quite as closely as he was the night before, but hes still further away himself up on one elbow, turns toward Kurt with his head resting on his hand. light in his eyes. Yeah?

than Blaine would like. Maybe hes flying high on emotion and nostalgia, maybe hes just giddy with the exhaustion of replaying the highlights of a decade with someone, but Blaine feels brave, so he props

Hey, Kurt? Its dark enough where he cant see him clearly, can just see the dim reflection of the street

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Contents I was wondering...and you can totally say no. But, weve already established that Im a clingy sleeper and Im probably going to end up wrapped around you regardless. So. I wanted to...could I, um, hold you? Kurt doesnt say anything for a minute and Blaine wonders if hes pushed too far.

the bed, then stop, seeking out Blaines eyes in the dark. I dont...how? he asks, and Blaine figures out what he means. Cmere, Blaine says softly, scooting closer to the middle of the bed as well and laying his head back on his turns his back to Blaine and shifts backward.

Y-yeah, Kurt says finally, then repeats it more firmly. Yeah. Blaine sees him shift toward the middle of

pillow. He turns onto his side and lifts his arm, sees the recognition in Kurts eyes even in the dark as he Spooning, huh? Kurt asks quietly, voice a little giddy with nerves and novelty. with the proximity. Is this ok?

Mmhmm, s awesome, Blaine murmurs as he wraps his arm around Kurts waist, already closer to sleep Blaine is solid and warm against his back, his arm a welcome weight across his waist. His knees are pressing against where Kurts are bent and he can feel Blaines steady breaths ghost against the back of his nonsensical murmur from Blaine, feels it rumble in his chest. Its ok. neck. Hes tingling at every point of contact. His eyes feel heavier and he exhales deeply, sinking into the mattress and wiggling a bit more into Blaines hold, a smile tugging at his lips when he hears a happy,

Its more than ok.

Clingy really isnt an exaggeration when discussing Blaines sleeping habits. Kurt wakes up Saturday

morning overheated again, but not unpleasantly. The already small amount of space left between them and Kurts grateful, because he has to be at his physical therapy appointment early in the afternoon (and their strange little morning routine takes a while), but a little surprised; this bed is extremely comfortable, as is the man sharing it with him, and he feels like he could sleep all day, so why is he awake so ear--

last night has completely disappeared and he can feel Blaines nose pressed into the nape of his neck,

warm breath doing nothing to dissipate the heat. The sunlight filtering through the window is still weak,

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Contents Oh.

trying to make it. Its physiology. Hes a guy. Sporting an (impressive, actually. Wow, growth spurt. Dont say spurt) erection.

reminds him. Not getting off that easy. No, dont say get off) so this shouldnt be the crisis situation hes

Hes woken up hard before, relatively often lately, actually (If by lately you mean 13 years ago, his brain

That is currently resting about an inch below where Blaines hand is resting on his stomach, straining up against the fabric of his pajamas. (Its like it knows.) Theres no way hes going to get out from under think unsexy thoughts. He is going to lay very still and take deep, calming breaths. He is Kurt Hummel and he is going to will his erection away. This is not up for debate. Blaines arm, onto his crutches, and out of the room without waking Blaine. But Kurt is fine. He is going to

Hes halfway through his first deep breath when he feels more than hears a low, grumbling sound deep in Blaines chest. Blaine shifts a little, his hips arching forward, and then many things happen all at once at once.

Kurt feels the unmistakable line of Blaines equally hard (and equally impressive, wow) dick pressing right against his ass, and freezes. Blaine makes a confused, sleepy sound, then goes equally still for a moment unexpected friction from the mattress. before jerking his arm away from Kurt so quickly that he almost turns him onto his back. Kurt yelps, resisting the movement, overcompensating and tumbling onto his stomach, trying to muffle the hiss at the

Blaine leaps from the bed, crossing the room in two long strides and catching himself (back to the bed, apparent lack of blood flow anywhere appropriate in his body (Oh my god these pajamas are so thin. This is obscene. Its worse than if I was just naked). He glances over his shoulder to see Kurt still face down on the bed and laying very, very still. Shit. thank god) before he can faceplant into his dresser when he sways, dizzy from the sudden movement and

Kurt, Blaine starts, voice somehow both hoarse and squeaky and maybe if he shuts his eyes really, really tightly, hell wake up not molesting his amnesiac quasi-teenaged husband. He tries.

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Contents It doesnt work.

Kurt, Im really sorry, I didnt mean to, uh, (grind on you in my sleep) I wasnt - I mean...

Blunsfone, Kurt mumbles into the pillowcase, and it must sound garbled even to him, because he picks his head up a little and repeats, Blaine. Its fine. He sounds a little embarrassed, but not panicked or even equilibrium is back. remotely as bothered as Blaine was expecting. Blaine exhales, glances down to see that complete mortification has taken care of his problem, anyway, and rolls his shoulders, lifting his head now that his Alright. Im just...Ill...

Why dont you take a shower? Kurt suggests, voice tight. And then put on that godawful bathing suit and yell when youre ready and then Ill take a shower. Ok, Blaine nods, even though Kurt cant see him because hes still mostly talking into his pillow. Hes the concept. He grabs his board shorts and shuffles quickly through the door.

grateful Kurt is handling this so well, but then again, he thinks hes 14, not 4. Hes probably familiar with Kurt buries his face in his pillow, tries to find an unused area in hopes of cooling his cheeks; he doesnt

even want to know how red he must be, laughs for a second because his arm has fallen asleep under the pillow and he thinks it must be because all of his blood is busy traveling between his dick and his face. He rolls over, restarts his deep breathing, and remembers the time his dad ordered ribs when they went out for dinner and spent the next 45 minutes trying to dislodge a piece of gristle that had gotten stuck in his teeth. It works like a charm.

The shower is slightly awkward, only because theyre both trying so hard to make it not awkward, talking in overly loud, bright voices. Blaine points out that theres a bit of a cool front coming through and its a laugh, which makes Blaine grin, and then its not so awkward. perfect day for sightseeing if Kurts up for it (why does he sound shy all of a sudden?). Kurt admits to feeling a little bit of cabin fever, now that hes settled, and the way Blaine nods quickly in agreement makes him

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Contents Blaine makes breakfast while Kurt spends some quality time with his wardrobe, gawking at the designer doesnt recognize but figures must be new in the past decade. He sees a pair of gorgeous pants, the label bearing the name of his apparent employer, and wonders if he designed them; theres something in the where design is going, where his designs are going. line of the pockets that seems familiar, makes him think of the doodles hed been playing around with last

labels that show no signs of wear (betraying their origins on ebay or thrift store racks) and names he

year in algebra. He makes a mental note to go through those sketches in the office; hes itching to see He laments the pants with an unimpressed glare at his walking cast, picks a pair of close fitting, tailored structured without being heavy. Its his first day out and about in New York City, after all. And hell be with

black shorts with a subtle stripe instead. He finds a bright blue button-down and a black vest that are bathing suit (although that bathing suit usually accompanies a phenomenal scalp massage, so, bias), and he these clothes a million times anyway. Thats not it at all. Blaine, who hes sure will look perfect because he kind of always looks perfect, even in that terrible

wants to measure up, to fit in. He is definitely not trying to impress Blaine, who has probably seen all of Blaines still in a t-shirt and loose jeans, hair wet and slowly becoming ridiculous, pushing eggs around in

intending to ask if he wants toast, but the words die in his throat. Because Kurt is standing in front of him, looking a little shy and a little hopeful and completely, devastatingly gorgeous. because it seems to have fallen open (attractive), then smiles.

a pan, when he hears the familiar clack-woosh-thud of Kurt making his way down the hallway. He turns,

Blaine? Kurt asks, and Blaine realizes hes probably been staring. For a while. He closes his mouth, You look great, he says softly, because anything more seems a bit much right now, especially given this morning, but Kurt still colors rapidly at the small compliment and Blaine feels a bit of heat in his own face. He likes making Kurt blush - likes that he gets to again.

Well, Kurt says loftily, trying to distract from the way his stomach is intent on somersaulting from the way Blaine looked at him, the tone in his voice. I need to blend in, right? Blaine shakes his head, laughing a little as he holds up the bread in question, gestures to the table.

When we were 17, he starts, turning away to plate the eggs and bacon (turkey, of course). You always said that you couldnt wait to get to New York and blend in. Then you got here and still stuck out. You, Im - 64 -

Contents afraid, are doomed to outshine everyone for all of eternity. When he turns around with the plates, Kurt is grinning dopily at his placemat. greatest hits catalog? So do you want the grand tour today? Blaine asks as they finish eating. The full New York tourist Would you mind? I know that stuff might be boring for you but--

Not at all, Blaine grins. Kurt had been the one to play tour guide the first time around, when Blaine visited; its his turn. He pops the last bite of toast into his mouth and stands. I should get ready. He passes through Kurts body at the touch. brushes his hand along Kurts shoulders as he passes, just because he can, and feels the slight tremor that Kurts phone buzzes in his pocket a few minutes after Blaine disappears, and he pulls it out to see Rachels random memories or amusing non sequiturs from her day (Constant exposure to me is really the best way be mutual.

name on the screen. Shes taken to texting him throughout the day, just checking in, sometimes relaying He likes her. Shes a little intense, but he likes her, and shed gripped his hand so tightly, he knows it must Rachel: Good luck at PT! Everything going ok? Kurt: Thanks - yes, all good. Kurt takes a deep breath, fingers ghosting over the keyboard, considering. He has the feeling Rachel is the with this. He closes his eyes, opens them, and types. Rachel: Of course. Anything. Kurt: I think I have a crush on Blaine. Kurt lets out the breath hes been holding, setting his phone down before he can second guess what he just did. It begins to buzz rapidly, messages coming in rapid succession. to get used to it, Kurt, shed said. Its how we became friends the first time around; itll work this time, too.)

person he goes to with...things. Knows Blaine is definitely that person, too, but Blaine isnt an option, not Kurt: Rachel, can I tell you something? And have you keep it to yourself?

- 65 -

Contents Rachel: Been there. Rachel: Sorry. Rachel: Dont know if he told you about that. Rachel: Not the point. Rachel: This is stupid, Im calling. The phone rings and Kurt rolls his eyes as he answers, keeping his voice low because Blaine could reappear at any moment. Yes, he did, Kurt says before she can start talking. And its ok, I forgive you again. On the condition that I get to hear the song you wrote about it. Ugh, fine, Rachel scoffs, but he can hear the smile in her voice, and when she speaks again its very that he can keep track of them all.

proper. Rachel Berry doesnt turn down an opportunity to perform. He hears her breathe and her voice

is different yet again when she continues - she has a lot of voices, hes realizing, and hes a little startled Kurt, sweetie, she starts. You know its totally fine that you like him, right? Its good. Great, even. Its weird, Kurt says weakly. I dont - know him, really.

Oh really? Other than your dad, who would you say you know best in the world? Rachel asks. Kurt stops and thinks, and he sighs when he realizes. Blaine.

Mmhmm. She has somehow managed to make a hum sound smug. Kurt, I know its weird to think, but But-- Blaine loves you. Has loved you. For almost a decade.

And Im not saying that means you owe him anything, she continues, ignoring him. But its ok if you like him. Our boy is damn charming.

- 66 -

Contents At that moment, Kurt hears footsteps in the hall. He says a quick goodbye and stows his phone back in his nonchalance.

pocket, pulling himself up onto his crutches and starting toward the living room, the picture of He stops in his tracks in the entryway. No, he says firmly.

What? Blaine asks innocently, but Kurt can hear the wavering laughter in his voice. Hes wearing plaid sunglasses complete the look.

cargo shorts (and seriously, why does he have all of these terrible shorts and why hasnt Kurt thrown them our and/or set fire to them?) and an I <3 NY t-shirt thats a size too small. What appear to be womens No, he repeats. Im disappointed in myself that any of this exists in our home. Take it off. Kurts brain catches up.

Ok, Blaine shrugs. He pulls the t-shirt over his head. His hands are on the button to his shorts before N-na-not here! he sputters. Blaine rests his thumbs on his waistband, and Kurt drags his eyes up

(possibly a little more slowly than strictly necessary). Blaine is grinning widely, eyebrows raised. He feels himself blush again and god, that really has to stop. Youre not funny, Kurt scoffs.

Ive been telling you for years, Blaine sighs, bending to pick up the discarded t-shirt and draping it over glad he has the crutches to support his weight.

his shoulder. Im hilarious. He starts back toward the bedroom, turning to look over his shoulder at Kurt.

Youre just in denial. He winks and disappears through the door, humming to himself, and Kurts really Blaine leans against the back of the door when he closes it behind him, smiling to himself. Hed been been strong and fierce and Blaine needs to stop treating him like hes made of glass. Underneath it all, hes still Kurt. He just doesnt remember.

something. But he keeps forgetting that no matter how old he is, 14 or 17 or 27, Kurt Hummel has always

terrified this morning that Kurt would withdraw from him, be too overwhelmed or feel...violated or

- 67 -

Contents Blaines happy to remind him.

Blaine eventually emerges in an acceptable outfit (Kurt is mildly horrified to discover that those actually were a pair of Blaines sunglasses, but gives up when Blaine just shrugs and says that he stole them from Rachel) and they head out into the city. Blaine insists on taking cabs instead of the subway, refusing to let will take the subway all the live long day with him. Kurt even contemplate going down the stairs to the track, but promises that once Kurts leg is healed he Physical therapy is easy; Kurts knee has healed beautifully and he gets the ok to try walking short and Kurt doesnt even try to stop himself from staring, wide-eyed, at the lights and billboards and the people. Theyre everywhere.

distances, only on carpet without the crutches. Blaine suggests they head to Times Square to catch one of

the bus tours (Its a tourist must, and it lets you see way more of the city without having to walk so much)

They have to sit on the upper deck, Blaine insists, to which Kurt looks down at his foot and waves his crutches, looking skeptical that hell be able to manage the stairs. Blaine huffs and rolls his eyes fondly, turns his back to Kurt and pats his own shoulder blade. Wha- Kurt starts, confused, and Blaine crouches a little.

Come on, Hopalong, he laughs, reaching back to take Kurts crutches and physically moving one arm around his neck. Kurt still looks skeptical. I can manage, Blaine grins. And he does, easily moving them up the stairs without so much as a labored breath. Kurt can feel the muscles in his back shifting, can smell his cologne, wants to bury his face in his neck. But he doesnt. Kurt splits his attention between the tour guides explanations and Blaines running commentary, a little smug that hes getting a much more thorough tour than everyone else. Blaine, look! he says suddenly, pointing excitedly at the dance battle that seems to have sprung up out of nowhere on the sidewalk below. back toward him. Sorry, he laughs. Got excited. Before he can release his grip, Blaine has flipped his hand so their palms meet, and he laces their fingers together, squeezing lightly. He grabs Blaines hand without thinking, manages to tear his eyes away from the catcalling crowd to turn

No problem, Blaine smiles. He glances down at their hands, then back up to Kurts eyes, his own eyes questioning. Kurt answers by squeezing back, letting their joined hands rest on his thigh. - 68 -

Contents Where they stay for the rest of the tour.

So much for that cold front, Blaine mutters as his feet hit the sidewalk, stopping and crouching again to ride, but hes just not. He feels...attended to. Cared for. Its nice. He hums in acknowledgement, probably really?

let Kurt slide easily to the sidewalk. Kurt feels like he should be embarrassed that he just got a piggyback couldnt discern if it was 10 degrees or a hundred right now, because hes in New York and who cares, That is our target, Blaine says suddenly, pointing to a Starbucks a few blocks down. Air conditioning. Youll see.

And we need to kill some time. Kurt raises an eyebrow in question but Blaine just shrugs, winking again. Kurts scanning the menu, trying to decide what to order - he doesnt really drink coffee, and its a bit medium drip and a grande nonfat mocha like its second nature before turning back to Kurt. after Blaine pays (he leaves a tip - Kurt likes that; its considerate). I have a coffee order? Kurt asks.

overwhelming to try to figure everything out, when Blaine steps up to the cashier without him, ordering a I - did you want something different? he asks, and Kurt just shrugs and follows him to the waiting area

Of course you do, Blaine scoffs, then he pauses, eyebrows furrowing. You dont drink coffee yet? Kurt shakes his head no and Blaine smiles, just a tiny quirk of his mouth, and says, almost to himself, Wonder when that started.. They talk about the tour, Kurt mentioning places hed like to go and see the next time they venture out (Whenever you want, Blaine says simply) and Blaine looking like hes actually making a mental list, shop in the middle of Manhattan, listening to Blaine talk about the terrible first apartment theyd shared eliminate the problem. occasionally adding in his own suggestions. Its easy, just being like this with Blaine; Kurt already knew it was easy to talk to him, has felt it since they were properly introduced, but sitting in a crowded coffee (with Rachel) when everyone was in school and no one had any money and they were all driving each other so crazy with their vocal warm-ups that Blaine had actually mandated group vocal exercises to

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Contents No wonder you became a teacher, Kurt laughs over the lid of his coffee cup (the mocha is delicious), and Blaines eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles back. Alright, Hopalong, Blaine says, standing and offering a hand to Kurt. We have dinner reservations. Stop calling me that, Kurt warns. Or I will beat you with my crutches.

Good luck finding your way home, Blaine shrugs. Kurt pokes him in the calf with the end of a crutch and Blaine laughs as he leads the way to the door, clearing a path. He hails a cab, talking to the driver for a minute before helping Kurt in, and within a few minutes theyre pulling back to the curb. craning his neck out the window to really care.

REALLY? Kurt yells, bouncing in the seat. He throws a cursory apology to the driver but is too busy You didnt think you were doing your first day in the city without going to the Empire State Building? Blaine asks, and Kurt squeaks again as they go through the doors. Building. This is a restaurant, Kurt says when the elevator opens decidedly not at the top of the Empire State Very astute, Blaine nods. He excuses himself to speak to the hostess, mentally thanking his last minute I thought it would be nice to eat dinner first, he explains when he returns, gesturing for Kurt to follow the hostess to the table.

stroke of inspiration and Rachels unabashed ability and willingness to name drop in the name of dinner reservations. The view at night is incredible, and as often as you try, you really cant live on just coffee, so

This place is amazing, Kurt breathes as theyre seated in a corner booth. There are windows immediately to his right and behind him, and he keeps turning in his seat, trying to look down at as much of the city as possible. Its even better from the top, Blaine grins.

Dinner passes as easily as the rest of the day had; Blaine feels like hes been talking forever, so he brings up the fall lines theyd seen in the magazines Burt brought over and gets Kurt waxing philosophic on military detailing and just watches Kurt talk. Even at 14 he had such strong opinions and visions, and - 70 -

Contents Blaines not quite sure why this wasnt always his goal. He wouldve been a great asset to Broadway, no doubt, but Blaine remembers the day Kurt finally realized he was having more fun designing costumes for place. Hed always been a force, but from then on he was unstoppable. the day, Blaine gaping at Kurts magnificence. the spring musical than actually rehearsing for it, and it was like slotting the last piece of a puzzle into Blaine? Kurt asks, and from his tone its not the first time hes done so, and that seems to be the theme of Sorry, Blaine ducks his head. I just - like listening to you talk. (Smooth. Amazingly smooth. Hi I think

youre pretty do you like me? Check yes or no.) Blaine cant beat himself up too badly though, because Kurts smiling at the table again, biting the corner of his lip.

Its dark, Kurt says as he signs the receipt. (Hed asked to pay the check, and when Blaine said that it was

all coming from the same bank account, admitted that hed never spent that much money wingtips in his closet cost.) He has to look at the signature on the back of his card to get the AndersonHummel right. (Hey, its alphabetical, Blaine laughs when Kurt asks about it. Also whenever people talk about us, its always Kurt-and-Blaine, so you threw me a bone.) It is, Blaine agrees. Shall we? on anything before, so could he please pay the check? Blaine doesnt want to tell him how much the brown

Manhattan at night is indescribable. Theres so much life. Lights in office buildings, apartments, lights on and about because its late in Lima but here, here the night is just beginning. Theres no need to prepare for tomorrow when theres still so much tonight.

billboards and businesses and the headlights of cars moving through the ebb and flow of people, still out

Blaine watches Kurt fall in love with New York all over again, making his way around the observatory to make sure he sees everything there is to be seen. Blaines seen it all; he prefers this view. Hes been in love with Kurt for so long, longer than he understood the word, really, and so many people isnt. He has loved this man through all the selves theyve become in the past 10 years, and he knows, logically, that growing together is a part of why theyre so strong. But right now, hes falling a bit more in love with an incarnation of Kurt he never knew, and that seals it, in his mind. Every version of himself will always be in love with every version of Kurt, and thats all there is to it. have asked him do you ever wonder? and arent you curious? and hes always said no, because he wasnt,

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Contents Its beautiful, Kurt murmurs, watching the play of lights on the streets.

Yeah, Blaine breathes, watching the play of lights reflecting in Kurts eyes.

Kurt turns and Blaine is much closer than he remembered. Hes looking at him again, not expectantly, just looking, and the corner of his mouth lifts again when Kurt meets his eyes. The air feels too thick as he watches the play of shadows across Blaines face and he could comment on the humidity, could point out a He doesnt. building or a tourist or a bird or anything and move them away from this, and Blaine would let him.

He keeps his eyes on Blaine, tries to keep his gaze on Blaines (impossibly large, impossibly beautiful) eyes, but it keeps slipping to his lips and then back up, a neverending, tortuous circuit. He shifts, or Blaine does, and theyre even closer. Theyre close enough that he can see Blaines eyes widen just a bit more, can words, wonders if theres some gesture or signal; maybe a secret handshake. He smiles, just a little. Its enough. almost see the hope and the love there, and he has absolutely no idea what hes doing right now, has no

Blaine lifts his hand without looking away, like its a practiced gesture (which it probably is) and fits it to himself have it as his eyes drift closed just before he feels the press of Blaines lips against his. Kurts jaw, thumb stroking so softly along his cheekbone like it had before, and Kurt leans into the touch. One of them is moving again, maybe both, and he wants this so badly, wants to let himself want it. Lets

Blaines lips are warm against his, soft and just a little dry, and barely moving; just gentle pressure that

Kurt still feels everywhere. Blaine pulls back sooner than Kurt would like and Kurt knows his eyes are still him. Blaine, who is gorgeous and funny and sweet and smart and perfect. And, apparently, talking while Kurt is busy wondering if its too late at night to call his dad to tell him. Kurt? Blaine asks, and Kurt finally blinks his eyes open. Blaine watches him hesitantly, finally exhaling when Kurt smiles a little. Was that - ok? Kurt bites his lip and nods jerkily, dropping his head and

closed but his head is spinning and hes not sure he can actually open them right now. Blaine just kissed

focusing intently on where the rubber on the grip of his crutch is peeling a little.

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Contents Hey, Blaine ducks, keeps stooping until he can catch Kurts eye and stands, bring Kurts focus with him. Whats up? The tips of his ears are bright red and he still wont look at Blaine for very long. He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again, eyebrows furrowing slightly before he looks down again. Ive never - did I do it right? Its more of an exhale than words, and Blaine only hears the question because hes been listening to Kurt for 10 years, is pretty sure that by this point he has a sixth sense based on unconsciously tracking his every movement and breath.

brightly, and Blaine cant help but match it as they turn back to the city lights, arms pressed together, knuckles brushing. Saturday night isnt the easiest time to get a cab; its past 11 when they spill through the front door, and Kurt is ready to fall over. Hes done more in the past 12 hours than in the past week and says as much is standing awkwardly just inside the bedroom door. around a yawn as he disappears into the bathroom. When he emerges, fresh-faced and pajama-clad, Blaine Whats wrong? Kurt asks, and Blaine sees when he puts everything together, looking from Blaine (well, Blaines mouth, really) to the bed and back again. Things are different now. I can sleep on the couch, Blaine says quickly, but Kurt is shaking his head before he finishes. through the word) - we dont have to change everything.

That was - everything. Was it...did you...? Kurt nods again, but hes looking right at Blaine now, grinning

Did you - Blaine huffs before he schools his voice into a more soothing tone. Kurt, youre...youre perfect.

Thats ridiculous. Blaine, its fine. Just because we - kissed (and Blaine sees the way he cant help but smile

How about... Kurt trails off, tapping his lips thoughtfully. If you, um, want to kiss me again, just...not on the bed? Of course. Blaine kind of likes the boundary, mostly because Kurt basically just said he wants him to kiss and is almost to the bed when Kurts hand darts out and closes around his arm.

Ok. Ok, Blaine nods, smiling. I just dont want you to be uncomfortable. Just - whatever you want, ok?

him again, and this makes for much less anxiety and room for error. He moves from his perch by the door, - 73 -

Contents Dont, Kurt says quietly when Blaine turns to look at him. Dont get on the bed yet.

Wh... Blaines question dies in his throat as he realizes what Kurt means; his hand is still wrapped around his bicep, tugging so lightly that Blaine could easily be imagining it, but hes not. Kurt just asked to be kissed. And who is Blaine to deny him.

Blaine leans in with less warning this time, brushes his lips lightly against Kurts just once. He smirks a kiss to Kurts forehead.

little when he pulls away and Kurt automatically follows, eyes still closed, then tilts his chin up to press a Bed? Blaine asks quietly and Kurt opens his eyes and nods, flushed and a little breathless. Blaine leaves before edging across the open space, stopping directly at Blaines side. confident.

Kurt space, still a little worried about overwhelming him, but Kurt looks over after a minute, considering, Cuddles arent affected by the not on the bed rule, he says, halfway to a question but trying to sound Thank god, Blaine mutters, lifting his arm. Kurt slides under it carefully, resting his head on Blaines chest, and glances up at Blaine through his eyelashes. Good?

Perfect.

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Contents

Part Five
Blaine wakes up alone, a feeling that makes his skin crawl until he finishes the slow slide into awareness, looks around to see the thrown back blankets, the missing crutches. Kurts here. Hes ok. But Blaine still swings his legs off the bed, shuffles out of the bedroom. Its stupid, he knows, but he needs to see Kurt before his sleep-addled mind will stop racing with all of the mornings he didnt wake up. He finds Kurt, or at least a Kurt-shaped lump, wrapped in a quilt on the middle of the sofa. There are books and papers spread all around him and familiar voices singing a familiar song are coming from the and god his singing faces have always been ridiculous, but at 17 they were insane. television. Blaine stops at the edge of the room, glances to the right to confirm his guess - the Michael Jackson performance from Sectionals. Kurt doesnt see him, is staring intently at, well, him, on the screen,

You were really good, Kurt murmurs without looking away, and Blaine takes it as an invitation to enter. He glances at the pile of books on Kurts right - sketchbooks, photo albums - and picks them up, settling them back in his lap. You were pretty amazing, yourself, Blaine answers, and, feeling bold, darts in to quickly kiss Kurts questioning noise and nudges his shoulder and Kurt sighs, falls sideways into Blaines body.

cheek. Kurt smiles at the contact but its weak, and his eyes still havent left the screen. Blaine makes a Why dont I remember? He doesnt say anything else, but Blaine stays quiet, waits him out, and after a happily ever after...but, nothing.

minute he continues. I thought I might wake up this morning and...you know, kiss a frog, find a prince, Thats why you let me kiss you, Blaine says, and he cant help the sadness in his voice. Hed thought...

after. After both. Kisses. But...it makes sense, right? Blaine shrugs, nods. He knows Kurt doesnt really need input right now, just needs to talk through his thoughts. Youve been most of my life for most of the week and a half. time I dont remember. I just...Im trying. He gestures vaguely to the tv, the mess around him. Its been a - 75 -

stammers, his nose wrinkling as he really hears what hes saying. The other stuff - I thought about that

No, Kurt sits up, looking Blaine in the eye. No. I - No, I just really wanted to - wanted you to, he

Contents Its been a week and a half, Blaine echoes, but when he says it it sounds so much less, such a short time.

Its not like a math test, Kurt. You cant really cram for this. Watch videos and ask questions and look at all the pictures you want, but dont be so hard on yourself. There isnt a deadline here. He can see the unspoken fear in Kurts eyes, tries to answer it with his own. (You dont have to hurry for me. Ill be here.) partly at his own.

Also, uh, feel free to, ya know, kiss me whenever you want, he grins, laughing partly at Kurts blush, How about we finish this, and then I take you to brunch? Blaine suggests, and Kurt visibly perks up before settling back into Blaines side to watch the next performance. The shower is as awkward as the bed had been the night before, and Blaine is grateful when Kurt is an option its kind of all Blaine wants to do. He dresses carefully, remembers Kurts grip on his bicep the

continues on his trend of declaring boundaries (Dont kiss me in the shower) even though now that kissing night before and digs out the maroon polo Kurt loves for both the color and the way it hugs his arms, was so rarely a conscious effort - Kurts seen him in and out of all of his clothes, picked out most of them himself - and its fun, the fluttering excitement in his stomach as he wonders what Kurt will think. wiggles into his tightest jeans. He hasnt dressed to impress anyone in so long; even before everything, it

His reaction doesnt disappoint; his mouth falls open when Blaine appears, and all the way to brunch, all through the meal, Blaine watches his eyes dart to his arms, his chest, his hands. He makes an effort to move his hands more as he talks (which is saying a lot, really, because Blaine barely stops moving on a regular day) and stifles a laugh when Kurts eyes go wide as he stretches his arms above his head.

Thanks for brunch, Kurt says as Blaine helps him up from the table. He doesnt take his crutches yet, lets go of his hand.

instead keeps his grip on Blaines hand and leans forward carefully, kissing the very corner of his mouth and pulling away quickly. Blaines whole face lights up and Kurt thinks, I made him look like that before he Kurt is quiet during the short walk back to their apartment, and Blaine is about to bring it up when they walk through the door and Kurt turns suddenly. Do you, he starts, voice cracking. He clears his throat. Do you, um, want to watch a movie? Kurt sounds a movie. Which is teenager code for...

so serious that Blaine almost laughs, because theyve watched dozens of movies in the past week and its - 76 -

not like...but then he catches himself. Because Kurt is looking at him very intently and asking him to watch

Contents Blaine kind of wants to hug him, wrap him up in his arms and coo into his ear and tell him that he doesnt have to try like this, could just say Blaine, please put your mouth on and around my mouth and Blaine would give him a jaunty salute and get to work, but he can practically see the adrenaline running through Kurts veins. Remembers the small thrill hed gotten just at picking out his outfit this morning, hoping Kurt would like it. Remembers all the movies they never watched in high school. Trying is fun. popcorn.

Sure! he says brightly instead, dropping his bag by the door. Pick whatever youd like; Ill make

Blaine, we literally just ate, Kurt scoffs as they head for their respective tasks. And? Blaine laughs at the huff he hears from the living room.

Blaines remarkably impressed by his self-restraint right now, knowing that Kurt is next to him on the couch, ready and willing, and yet here he sits, content to let their hands brush in the popcorn bowl. Maybe hes a masochist.

Kurt isnt, though, and Blaine can feel him fidgeting. A part of Blaine wants to wait it out, see if Kurt will make the movie, but he knows that he wont; hes still too skittish, not confident enough in himself or them so far. He looks like he doesnt feel well. Oh. (whatever they are right now). He glances out of the corner of his eye and jumps a little; Kurt is looking at him, lip caught between his teeth and eyes narrowed a bit, but not in the contemplative way Blaines seen

Oh no.

Its a day for Blaine to be impressed with himself, because it is a feat of superhuman strength that he doesnt, because he is not a jackass like he was back then. Instead he looks over, meets Kurts eyes with what he hopes is a sexy smile of his own (hopes that the amusement isnt showing through) and exaggeratedly lifts his arm, lets it settle around Kurts shoulders.

doesnt laugh when he realizes that that day in the warehouse wasnt the birth of Kurts sexy faces. But he

Kurt goes easily, moves the popcorn bowl to his own lap and scoots over so their legs are pressed together, rests his head on Blaines shoulder with a happy sigh. He has absolutely no idea what movie - 77 -

Contents theyre watching; he just knows that Blaine is solid and warm against him. Its hard to pay attention to his lips feel like.

things like movies and food, hes realizing, when theres an attractive man next to you and you know what A few minutes pass, maybe a scene or two in the movie; Blaine cant quite tell because hes seen it so many

times that he can easily zone out without getting lost, and also Kurt has started squirming again. Hes turned his head a little and is nosing at Blaines neck, the underside of his jaw where everything is sensitive. He turns to look at Kurt just as Kurt pulls back, eyebrows raised a little. Kurt licks his lips and with the arm around his shoulders. Blaines eyes automatically follow, and Blaines done celebrating his self-restraint as he tugs Kurt forward He finally kisses Kurt, really kisses him, the way he wanted to all week, more than just the simple press of

lips. The hand on Kurts shoulder finds its way to wind into his hair and Kurt goes with the motion, lets himself at the noise Kurt makes at the contact, high and shocked and desperate.

new angle and Blaine lets his tongue dart out briefly, runs it along Kurts bottom lip and almost gasps He starts to pull away but Kurts hand is suddenly fisted in his shirt, keeping him there, and Kurts mouth breath. Blaines getting dizzy, from lack of air and the way Kurt is just open and waiting and wanting from him, cant help but trace Kurts teeth, his lips, before finally sliding his tongue along Kurts.

Blaine tilt his head until its better and then perfect, their lips fitting together seamlessly. Kurt gasps at the

is opening completely under his as they breathe harshly through their noses, unwilling to part for a proper

Blaine loses track of time as he relearns the inside of Kurts mouth, finally pulls back only to have Kurt throw his good leg over Blaines lap, getting just a bit closer and taking the strain off his neck, and this Blaine, makes him remember. time Kurt is the one who leans in, eyes heavy and mouth open and looking drunk with it, and that sobers He still opens for Kurt, of course he does, wraps his free arm low around his waist and thrills a little when

Kurts tongue slips against his. He holds Kurt where he is, sucks gently on his tongue out of habit and smiles against his mouth at the new sound that elicits (he thought he knew all of Kurts noises by now, but noises of confused protest before resting their foreheads together. this is a whole new world of shock and awe), then eases off, darting in repeatedly to softly kiss away Kurts

- 78 -

Contents Shh, he soothes, rubbing at Kurts scalp with the hand still tangled in his hair, and in wide circles on his weird?) and nuzzles their noses together before pulling back to look at him properly.

back with the other. He feels Kurt smile, can tell by the way the muscles in his forehead shift (is that Whyd we stop? Kurt asks, eyes still closed and voice dazed. His lips are red and swollen, his chest heaving, hair sticking straight up in the back thanks to Blaine, and it takes him a few tries to fully open his his lips. eyes. Hes debauched and so adorable that Blaine has to kiss him one more time, humming happily against Because we probably should, Blaine smiles, breathing just as heavily. Kurt nods in response and Blaine slides his hand around, cradles his face. Promise me something? Kurt just looks at him expectantly, think I might want to? Or that it might bring your memory back? curious and trusting. Dont do anything...physically...that youre not comfortable with, just because you Oh, Blaine, Kurt shakes his head. No, I told you. Ive - wanted it. Youre...oh, dont judge me. Youre really

Blaine smiles then, bright as ever, lifting one of Kurts hands up and kissing each of his knuckles.

gorgeous and youre kind of everything and I just...I cant explain it. But I promise. Nothing I dont want.

kay, Blaine jumps up and heads toward the door, not letting go of Kurts hand until the last second. Im Because thats...where everything is. That we dont have. At the store. time.) for just a moment before finding his keys in the bowl. and the thunk of the front door closing behind him.

going to run to the store. Im going to make you a nice dinner tonight. And I need things. From the store. Anyone ever tell you youre kind of cute when you babble? Kurt asks, and Blaine stops (Yes. You. All the

Do you want anything special while Im out? Kurt shakes his head and Blaine disappears with a wave Kurt falls back against the sofa, fingertips tracing his bottom lip where its still tingling. His thoughts are

racing into a blur and he kind of wants to dance, glares down at his cast for taking away the opportunity. Hes glad Blaine had a hold on reality because he was perfectly content to stay right there kissing him call Rachel but it feels awkward, even Mercedes doesnt feel right. He knows who he needs to talk to, has known since the first morning he watched Blaine sleep, even if it will be awkward. He grabs his phone off the side table and dials, smiling when its answered on the first ring. forever, and he needs to process this, first. He wishes there was someone here to talk at, knows he could

- 79 -

Contents Hey, dad...

Kurt talks (and talks, and talks) when Burt answers. He tells him about physical therapy, his brief for a while, and Burt lets him, waits for his voice to lower as he runs out of steam, before he interrupts.

adventure walking from the bedroom to the bathroom without crutches; he talks about absolutely nothing So, whyd you really call? Burt asks finally. Because I dont think it was to talk to me about fennel. Burt doesnt even remember what fennel is; he thinks it might be one of the fabrics Kurt was always turning into pocket squares and handkerchiefs.

I, Kurt starts. Blaine kissed me. He was hoping to put it more eloquently than that, but hes not sure his dad is one for subtlety with these matters. didnt - force - Ok, Burt says slowly, carefully. Kurt can hear him take a deep breath. Did he - are you ok with that? He

head. He knows Blaine, knows who he was and who he is and who hes become in the face of the accident, acknowledgment, so Kurt closes his eyes and continues.

No, no, of course not, Kurt interrupts, and Burt is grateful, because he cant even finish that thought in his

and none of those boys (men, now) are anyone who would have even a fleeting thought of taking advantage of Kurt. I wanted...I wanted him to. Burt doesnt say anything, just hums a little in

It was...perfect, dad. We did touristy stuff all day and went to the Empire State Building last night and we Can Blaine come over for dinner on Friday?

were just looking down at the city and...he kissed me. Burt can hear the smile in Kurts voice, can look up from the sofa and see 16 year old Kurt floating through the door, ignoring Burt except for a faint call of You like him? Burt asks finally, but it barely sounds like a question. I do. Thats - is that....Its weird, isnt it?

Theres not much normal about any of this, kiddo. But if we work from a baseline of weird, this isnt any weirder, Burt laughs. So whats goin on?

- 80 -

Contents I just - we - kissed some more, today. (He is not going to use the term making out with his father). And Burt exhales sharply. The hiss makes Kurt flinch. I...(Want to keep doing it. Want to maybe do more. Have no idea what Im doing).

I shouldnt have - this is awkw-- Its no big deal, Kurt finishes lamely. Im sorry I--

times) done this before. He laughs, just one barking sound. Just wasnt expecting to do it again. This is the only time in his life that Burt will be anything even close to appreciative of Kurts memory loss, because he is so out of practice at this and he can recycle his words. Now, Im going to tell you what I told you the first time, because that seemed to work pretty well, and I want you to listen, yeah? discussion.

Kurt, stop. Its alright, Burt says firmly. It might be awkward for you, but Ive (walked in on you. Multiple

Ok, Kurt says faintly, because even though he sort of asked for it, hes still not ready to have this Tender isnt a word Kurt would think to apply to his dad, but its the only way to describe what he says, his voice as he says it. He talks about listening to your heart and not just getting caught up in it all; he tells Kurt he matters. Kurt stops him when he starts mumbling about the mechanics and pamphlets, tells him that he can take care of that part on his own. conversation. Yeah?

And Kurt, Burt says before Kurt can put an end to this awkward-but-not-as-bad-as-he-expected

I know its, uh, that it feels, new. And exciting. And that it isnt...new...to Blaine. But dont - dont use him, alright? Dad? Kurt asks, because hes not quite sure what he means.

Blaine matters, too. He loves you, he has for a long time, and I know everything is up in the air and you you.

must both be confused as all get out, but dont...he almost lost you. This affects him as much as it affects - 81 -

Contents Kurt understands, then. He hasnt thought of it like that, yet, too overwhelmed by the prospect of someone Kurt, its ok, Burt says after too long a moment of silence. Youre not doing anything wrong. Just dont play with his head, or whatever. Youve got good instincts. Just trust them. Got it, Kurt breathes. Dad...thanks. For - just, thank you. (someone like Blaine) even being into him to consider Blaines feelings, and a wave of shame hits him.

Anytime, pal. I love you.

Love you, too. The front door opens just as Kurt says it, and Blaine stumbles in, a bit disheveled but smiling brightly as he tries to blow an unruly curl off his forehead. I bought apples, he announces, and Kurt looks from the pile of apples in his arms down to where one of the bags has clearly ripped. They went...everywhere. But I rescued them! Wait, who do you love? (You, maybe, someday) Kurt shakes his head to clear the thought before it can make him too nervous. He cocks his head in question and Blaine gestures toward the phone in his hand, dropping an apple in the process and kicking it into the kitchen with a shrug that almost upsets the rest of the pile. Oh! Oh, my dad, Kurt says, tossing the phone onto the couch. Just...catching up. Whats the dinner plan? He pulls himself up and takes a tentative step without the crutches. Theres no pain, so he continues sheepish grin. without them, following Blaine into the kitchen just in time to watch him unceremoniously heave the apples into the fruit bowl before taking a large bite out of one, wiping the juice from his chin with a Definitely, someday. -----

the incoming freshmen audition tapes so he can place them in the proper choirs, get a vague idea of what hes working with for the coming years orchestra. There are only three faculty members between music and drama and his colleagues have been phenomenally supportive over the past two months; he needs to start pulling his weight. And now that hes convinced Kurts really alive, that hell still be there when

Blaine is technically off of work for the summer, and so he hasnt had to be there, but he needs to listen to

- 82 -

Contents Blaine goes home, he feels ok leaving for the day. To be honest, he thinks they both need some alone time after their first week in the apartment together. So he makes a list of important addresses - his school, Kurts office, Rachels apartment, their apartment -

and puts them into Kurts phone, leaves him the hard copy. He runs to the ATM to make sure Kurt has cash back to work on Monday.

for cabs (I know you want to go on the subway but just, please, wait til youre off your crutches. Trust me) and, with Kurts assurance that hell be fine and wont hesitate to call if he needs anything, Blaine goes

Kurt spends the day at his drafting table looking through his sketchbooks. Blaine pulled down a large box idea thats been floating around in his mind recently (well, not recently) and his heart leaps into his

of his portfolios, of older sketches dating all the way back to high school, and Kurt looks through it all, throat; its the first time hes seen any connection between who he was and who he is, something so small but he doesnt care, it proves he doesnt just drop off the face of the planet for 13 years. He sets it aside to show Blaine. On Wednesday he surprises Rachel, shows up at her door and briefly panics when she throws herself at

starts at the beginning and watches himself evolve. He recognizes a dress as the completed product of an

him, only barely stopping herself from knocking him over. Her apologies are no less genuine through her squealing, and its kind of endearing, how she always seems so excited to see him. She immediately has really caught up, theyre being fawned over by the waitstaff at some trendy little boutique restaurant where all of the food is artfully arranged into very tall, very difficult to eat towers. Sorry, Rachel says, blushing a little, as the waiter leaves. Im a little bit recognizable, I guess. marches him back into the elevator, claiming he owes her Sooo many lunch dates and before his mind

Thats putting it mildly, Kurt scoffs, and rolls his eyes at Rachels shocked expression. I Googled you. Im sorry you, uh...missed so many shows. When everything happened. Its good to keep the understudy on her toes, Rachel shrugs. I was where I needed to be. You and Blaine are my family. Kurt smiles at that; hes heard stories from Blaine, from Rachel herself, even, knows that being one of those things. there was a time when nothing couldve kept her from the stage, that even now few things can. He likes How are things with Blaine? she asks, a knowing lilt to her voice.

- 83 -

Contents I - we - I dont, Kurt starts, dropping his cheek onto his palm. Because things just kind of...arent.

He hasnt kissed Blaine again, not since Monday morning when Blaine had been running from one end of

the apartment to the other, trying to gather his things because he doesnt seem to comprehend the had finally found everything and asked, again, Are you sure? he had said yes and leaned forward and

concept of dropping his keys into the bowl by the door when he gets home or leaving his phone on the pressed his lips to the corner of Blaines mouth like hed done it every day for years, and Blaines face had both of them.

nightstand at night or putting his shoes away, ever, and Kurt had been standing by the door. When Blaine lit up and Kurt had realized that he probably had done it every day for years. And hed remembered

everything his dad had said, and hed known that he needed to think, away from Blaine, before he hurt

Things are...complicated, Kurt says finally, and then he starts to talk. -----

Blaines pretty sure Kurt is freaking out.

He would be, he thinks, if he woke up in the future as his 14 year old self, and found out he was married. To Kurt. Well, first he would mentally high five himself for landing Kurt, and then he would freak out. And adorable and completely wonderful. And very possibly freaking out. then Kurt would freak out, because 27 year old Kurt would think 14 year old Blaine was a mess. Hell, 27 year old Blaine thinks 14 year old Blaine is a mess. 14 year old Kurt is, however, shy and sweet and

He doesnt want to bring up the kiss (and definitely not the making out), because it could be awkward. But not sure its working very well. he doesnt want to actively not bring it up, because thats just as awkward. So hes trying to be casual. Hes

Its Wednesday, and Kurt hasnt kissed him, or given any indication he wants to be kissed, since Monday movie ruse, a small part of his brain is constantly buzzing, craving contact. would never push like that. But he misses touching him, being touched, and since Sunday afternoons

morning, when he very definitely froze after kissing Blaine, and Blaine doesnt want to push,

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Contents They still cuddle up in bed together, and its still amazing, but Blaine is very aware of his hips lately,

because kissing Kurt seems to have opened up a floodgate and he keeps waking up painfully hard and Kurt woke up, but the second hed wrapped his hand around his erection it had wilted; it feels...wrong, to

doesnt want to freak Kurt out. Hed tried calling first shower with the intent of taking care of it before jerk off to the thoughts of your amnesiac, psychologically virginal husband asking you to kiss him. Not that theres a precedent for that, he figures. So instead, Blaine wakes up obscenely early, slips into his running do not kiss goodnight, and the process repeats. they have breakfast, he goes to work, they have dinner, they listen to music or watch tv or just talk, they He can practically hear Kurt thinking when hes home, wishes he could hear what hes thinking, but settles for the generally disconcerting feeling of being appraised. Its always been difficult to confront Kurt, to call him out when something is clearly wrong, even after all these years; before, Blaine could rely on the fact that Kurt would always come to him when he was ready to talk, but now? He has no idea. He can only hope that whatever Kurts sorting out, hes not making it worse. So he talks about his students, and he the sofa and he holds Kurt and lets himself be held at night. remembers him: Im right here. Im staying right here. listens to Kurt talk about his designs, and he smiles when their eyes meet and he sits just close enough on And he tries to think loudly, to remind Kurt on some unconscious level, somewhere maybe Kurt ----shorts and sneakers and takes off down the street, running off his excess energy. He helps Kurt shower,

Kurt leans against the back of the door when Rachel leaves; shed been helpful, even through the giggling, of My friend needs it more, and a wave of a baguette, he doesnt want to go down that road right now.

and Kurt at least knows what he wants, now. He gets the feeling that he and Rachel are a lot more alike than he can really comprehend, but given that she had joyfully stolen a cab from an elderly man with a call

But he knows, now. He cant really put a name on what hes feeling toward Blaine; its not a crush, but hes

not naive enough to call it love already. Its a pull, and its a little terrifying, and bless Rachel for not tiramisu, and told Kurt to close his eyes.

laughing when he wondered aloud if maybe part of him remembers and responds to Blaine even if he

doesnt consciously realize it. Instead shed gotten a little misty, waxed philosophic on soul mates over If you just met him now, no history, would you like him? shed asked.

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Contents Of course. Hes...Hes Blaine, how could I not? Shed smiled then, and hesitated before continuing. And if you...if you never remember. Would you consider staying with him? Starting over? we could figure it out. Yes.

I...yes, hed smiled, opening his eyes to see Rachels expression mirroring his. Yes. If...if he wanted to. If Then I think youve got your answer. Now what are you going to do about it?

So theyd gone to the market down the street from the restaurant, gathered everything necessary, stolen disappearing with a wink and a mumbled, Maybe I should return the box, which Kurt doesnt understand but is trying not to think about.

that old mans cab, and shed helped him unload everything into the kitchen before smacking his ass and

that Blaine is most definitely attracted to him and will, from what Kurt has told her and what she knows about Blaine, be happy to thoroughly ravish him once Kurt fires the starting pistol. His trigger finger is getting itchy.

He knows what he wants, and he thinks he knows what Blaine wants; has allowed Rachel to assure him

Kurt texts Blaine to ask what time hell be home and starts prepping the parts of dinner that can be done changes into the shirt that Rachel pointed out as Blaines favorite. a lot.)

ahead of time. Puts candles in the candleholders, flowers in a vase, washes his face and fluffs his hair, Operation: Relaunch is on. (Rachel named it. Kurt was too tired to argue. He has the feeling that happens Hes just draining the pasta when the front door opens and he hears Blaine call out for him, confused by the mostly darkened apartment. Dinners almost ready, Kurt calls back. Go wash up. Hes just finished lighting the candles in the center of the small table when Blaine appears; his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and Kurts mouth goes a hes so obvious. little dry as his eyes zero in on muscled forearms. He swallows, tries to focus; this isnt going to work if - 86 -

Contents Whats all this for? Blaine asks, his eyes widening a little.

Kurt shrugs, gesturing for Blaine to sit. I just...wanted to do something nice. To thank you for...everything. hyena). He sets the salad bowl on the table, following with the plates and a bottle of sparkling cider. Heirloom tomato salad and butternut squash ravioli. Its nothing fancy... Its amazing, Kurt, Blaine smiles. Thank you.

And to celebrate being able to carry things while moving. He laughs loudly, once, before catching himself

and schooling his expression into something more serious (theres nothing sexy about cackling like a

They talk through dinner, like they always do, except Kurt has seated himself adjacent to Blaine, closer and debates him on the merits of genderswapping roles; its easy to get caught up in this, just talking about anything and everything that comes to mind, that Kurt forgets for a moment that he has a plan.

than his normal place across the table. He listens as Blaine talks about options for the schools fall musical

He waits until Blaine is distracted by his plate and sneaks a glance under the table - he doesnt want to go in completely blind. Blaine is saying something around a mouthful of tomato when he chances it, slides his Blaine stutters over a word but keeps talking, so he flexes his toes again, catches the hem of Blaines pants sends a little thrill through him. socked foot forward (he feels stupid wearing one shoe when hes in the apartment, and doesnt want all of and slides his foot underneath. He cant actually feel skin, not through his sock, but just knowing its there You alright? Blaine asks, eyes carefully neutral. than he even knew was a possibility. his shoes to be unevenly worn, anyway) and brushes his toes against what he is hoping is Blaines ankle.

Great, Kurt smiles, pitches his voice lower and tries to grimace when it comes out far, far too low, lower Blaine chokes a little on his drink and looks at Kurt, a bemused smile on his face as he raises an eyebrow, check on his mental scorecard. (Initiate Contact. Done.)

but Kurt just smiles and Blaine seems to decide to let it go. He doesnt move his leg away, so Kurt puts a He thinks he maybe shouldve quit while he was ahead as he considers his plate. Draw attention to your mouth seems slightly less appealing when your options are ravioli and tomatoes. (The bread is - 87 -

Contents immediately disqualified; too much gnawing required). He couldve chosen sexier food, he supposes. But something new when he was all nerves.

he knew how to make this without too much thought, and he wasnt sure he had the brainpower to try He inwardly curses the tomatoes, chosen specifically for their ripeness but now taunting him with the plethora of seeds and juices just waiting to end up on his face, his clothes, the second he tries to slowly that Blaine cant help but watch... nonchalantly pop one in his mouth. The ravioli are a better bet, but too big, so he cuts one into small pieces, waits until hes sure Blaines attention is on him as he brings the fork to his mouth so purposely And misses his mouth. Hes just barely off center, just enough to nudge the corner of his mouth instead

(and he can feel the sage butter sauce soaking into his skin on contact), just enough to upset the ravioli so so easy to get out of clothing). He grabs for his napkin, wrist bumping into his glass and upsetting it. looks up when a glass of something fizzy enters his field of vision.

the filling slides out, right onto his shirt. He curses, under his breath, jumps in surprise, sends his fork clattering to the floor (not before the pasta on it makes contact with the fabric of his shorts, great, butter is

Perfect, just perfect, hes muttering an almost unceasing string of incomprehensible profanities and only Club soda, Blaine says simply, that confused smile still playing at the corners of his mouth, sitting right his napkin onto the table and sitting back with a huff.

behind his eyes. So it doesnt stain. Kurt smiles gratefully, dabs at the marks for a minute before tossing Are you sure youre ok? Blaine asks. You seem...anxious.

What was that? Cmon, talk to me. He reaches across the table and Kurt pulls his hand away before

Im great, Kurt mutters. Nothings sexier than lack of depth perception and motor skills.

Blaine can grab it. Hes about to brush it off, to say nothings wrong and curl up with a magazine and just doesnt like that look on Blaines face, hates being the one to put it there; it stirs something in his chest, like that first night theyd shared the bed and hed been overcome by the need to protect him. He sighs pinned under the weight of Blaines eyes.

hope that Blaine drops it, but Blaine looks so crestfallen when he avoids his touch that Kurt stops. He heavily and stands up; theres too much energy in him, he can feel it coursing through his veins, some - 88 -

intangible need for something, and if hes going to talk about this, he at least wants to be moving, cant be

Contents I had this big plan, he sighs, starting to unfasten the top button of his shirt; it wont serve its intended continuing, still looking at his hands as they work rather than at Blaine.

purpose, but he can at least get it in the washing machine so its not ruined forever. He paces a little before I - I know Im not me. I mean, I am, me, but Im not the me Im supposed to be. But youre the you youre want - you, a lot, really, and its kind of terrifying, and I thought that if I, he pauses, lets his shirt slide admit the next part. That if I could - be mature, and sexy, or whatever, that you would want me, too, and not sure. He still hasnt looked at Blaine. supposed to be and I - like that person. You, I mean. And I know that you miss me, well, me but I just down his arms and catches it on the tips of his fingers just for something to do while he steels himself to not just me. He shivers a little, from the admission or the fact that hes standing in only a t-shirt now, hes

Now that Ive thoroughly embarrassed myself Im just going to, he waves toward the laundry room. Get this pre-treated and in the washer and then can we please forget that I-- he stops when a warm hand closes around his bicep, turning him gently but insistently around.

Kurt, Blaine breathes. Kurt, look at me. He does, and Blaine exhales in relief; he needs to see Kurts

eyes right now, needs to make sure he hears everything. Wants to tell him that he doesnt have to try to be makes him sputter nonsense.

now that he has Kurts attention, everything he wants to say jumbles in his head and races to get out first, Instead he does what hes done every other time he cant figure out what to say, hoping Kurt will still has on his arm to keep him close, pull him closer. Kurt takes the hint, wraps a tentative arm around He pulls back, reluctantly, smiles a little at Kurts noise of protest and buries his face in Kurts neck and Kurts waist, pulls him somehow closer. his waist and squeezes and suddenly everything around him is Kurt Kurt KurtKurtKurt and its perfect.

anything; he just is, always has been everything. How can you-- Do you really-- Of course I - Of course,

somehow still understand; he surges forward, crashing their lips together. He swallows the noise of surprise Kurt makes, taking advantage of his open mouth to slide his tongue inside and using the grip he

just breathes, deep shuddering breaths that force their way in and out. He wraps his free arm around Is that why - the past few days? he pants into Kurts skin. - 89 -

Contents Didnt want to take advantage if I wasnt - if I didnt know, Kurt answers quietly, still clutching his shirt between them. Blaine runs his thumb along the curve of Kurts bicep, kisses the pulse pounding beneath his lips and smiles a bit when Kurt shivers at the touch. And now?

I know. Kurt doesnt say what he knows, exactly, but he doesnt need to, not right now. His voice is quiet but sure and Blaine knows the tone, can hear the lack of fear that hasnt been there before. He presses his rumble in Kurts chest, get swallowed down before it can escape. lips to Kurts neck again, harder this time, opens his mouth a little against the skin. He feels something Couch, Kurt gasps, pushing at Blaines shoulder until he moves; he considers just picking Kurt up so he doesnt hurt his leg, but settles on walking backward slowly, still not lifting his head from Kurts neck. He Kurt down next to him. Kurt resists, though, biting his lip, and Blaines about to ask if hes sure, suggest Blaines legs. This time its Kurts mouth descending on his, Kurts tongue insistent at his lips, past them, licking at the roof of his mouth and making his eyes roll back in his head as he wraps his arms around Kurts waist. finally breaks contact when the backs of his knees hit the cushions, sitting down and reaching up to pull they cool off, when Kurt nods to himself, drops his good knee to the sofa and shuffles until hes straddling

Its messy, their teeth keep clacking together and Blaine can feel a trail of saliva across his chin but he

each other, except he doesnt have to keep one ear trained on the front door, waiting for the jingling of keys that would signal the end of their fun; no one is going to interrupt them. Blaine is very clearly very hard. And, oh. Kurt is too. Kurt chooses that moment to shuffle forward, moving closer until hes pressed right up against where

doesnt care, its perfect, its like those first few weeks when they were dating and couldnt get enough of

They both break away at the contact, Blaine unable to bite back a moan and Kurt throwing his head back with a breathless gasp. Blaine takes advantage of the move, dragging his teeth over Kurts adams apple before sucking hard at the soft spot just under his chin. Kurt moans loudly, the first unrestrained sound Blaines heard, and his hips buck at it. He mutters apologies as he starts across Kurts neck in a trail of

- 90 -

Contents loud, sucking kisses but Kurt just digs his fingers into Blaines shoulders and tilts his head to the side to give him better access. Blaine moves slowly, content to absorb each gasp and whine that seems to be escaping Kurt without his his hips like he doesnt know what hes trying to do.

permission, and when he nips at the spot where his neck meets his jaw before closing his lips around it, he

feels Kurt shifting restlessly above him. Theres no finesse, no rhythm to it, just aimless, aborted rolls of A new wave of heat crashes over Blaine as he realizes that Kurt doesnt actually know what hes doing, or at least doesnt know how to do it properly. He pulls away from his neck, taking a second to admire the rapidly darkening spot before trailing his lips up to his ear.

Still alright? he asks. Kurt nods quickly, whimpering when Blaines hands slide around to still his hips. small theyre almost imperceptible unless you know what to look for.

No, no, dont st- please, Blaine, dont, dont stop. He shaking the way he does when hes close, tremors so Shh, shh, Blaine soothes, kissing the spot right behind his ear as he uses his grip to pull Kurts hips down to his. Like this, he says, repeating the motion, lifting his own to meet Kurts this time. Kurt groans as out as Kurt catches the rhythm, moving in smooth rolls of his hips. they finally slot together properly and Blaine bucks again, throwing them off for a second but not caring. Blaine slips his hands into Kurts back pockets and kneads the muscles of his ass, just holds on and rides it It isnt long before he loses the rhythm again, visibly vibrating as his hips jerk erratically. B-Bl-Blaiii--

Kurts stuttering, voice nothing more than breath and so overwhelmed.

Its ok, Blaine whispers into his ear. Youre ok, Ive got you. He pulls back then and kisses Kurt hard,

panting into his mouth and using the hold on his ass to press him down as he pushes up hard. Kurt tears nothing but Kurts labored breaths in his ears.

his mouth away as he comes, one high, shaky sound tearing out of his throat as his eyelids flutter. Blaine keeps him pressed close, thrusts against him once, twice more before he lets go, vision whiting out and

When Blaine comes back down, Kurt is slumped against him, forehead pressed to his collarbone, still taking heaving breaths. He slides his hands up, rubbing up and down his spine in broad strokes as he turns his head a little to kiss Kurts temple. - 91 -

Contents You with me? he whispers, brushing his lips back and forth along his hairline. Kurt nods against his that makes them both hiss with oversensitivity.

chest, taking one impossibly deep breath before he sits up and looks down at Blaine, shifts a little in a way Was that - he starts, but Blaine pulls him forward into a soft kiss, just a short, sweet press of lips, before wrapping his arms around him and hugging him hard, holding on as he nuzzles their cheeks together. Beautiful, Blaine murmurs into his ear. Youre so beautiful.

Theyre quiet for a while, just holding onto each other as Blaine continues to run his hands down Kurts spine, giggling quietly when he arches into the touch like a cat. After a while, Kurt finally glances down, then back up at Blaine, scrunching his face.

We need to clean up, he sighs, and Blaine flops dramatically against the back of the sofa, laughing when Kurt pokes at his stomach with a stern look on his face. Come on. Up. Cant move. Leave me here. I suppooooose, he drawls, but when Kurt stands up, he falls to the side, face buried in the cushions. Hm. Too bad, Kurt shrugs. I was going to suggest we go to bed and let you choose your cuddles. Have fun on the couch, though. Blaine pops up as Kurt heads toward the bedroom to retrieve his pajamas. cuddles. Im up! he calls, scrambling to his feet and tripping a little as he jogs down the hall. Talk more about Too late, Kurt shrugs, sticking his tongue out as they pass in the hallway. Blaine widens his eyes and of cuddles.

sticks his lower lip out, and Kurt rolls his eyes and ducks forward to kiss his pout. Fine. But its my choice Kurts already in bed when Blaine emerges from the bathroom, one arm folded behind his head and onto his side, holding his arms open.

looking loose and sleepy and heartbreakingly perfect. He pads over to his side of the bed, looking at Kurt expectantly when he sits down, waiting. Kurt rolls his eyes again, huffs out a put upon sigh as he turns

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Contents Yay, Blaine says quietly, turning his back to Kurt and scooting back into his arms, immediately linking their fingers on his stomach. This is what I was going to pick. Kurt hums acknowledgement into his hair, and Blaine feels his smile. I know.

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Contents

Part Six
That tickles, Blaine mumbles when he wakes to warm breaths against the back of his neck as Kurt softly noses along his hairline. I can stop.

Mm, no, Blaine shakes his head, pushing it back to seek out contact. Wasnt complaining. He feels Kurt laugh quietly, the vibrations traveling from his chest to Blaines back as he returns to his ministrations. consciousness, too relaxed to fight sleep when hes so surrounded by Kurt. Their hands find each other again, linking over Blaines stomach, and Blaine drifts in and out of

He finally commits to being awake when he feels Kurts lips brush the top of his spine, just the slightest hint of contact, back and forth across his skin. Mmm, Blaine hums again, trying to pack his appreciation, encouragement, and interest into the sound all against his nature not to tease him, especially when hes so comfortable and warm and sleepy-happy and asks, I thought it was against the rules to kiss you on the bed.

at once. He knows that staying quiet is the best course, letting Kurt work out his comfort level, but it goes has even less of a filter than normal. So its with a lilt in his voice that he hopes Kurt picks up on that he It is, Kurt says breezily, and Blaine knows he took the question how it was intended, wiggles back into Blaines neck as he continues speaking. But technically, Im the one kissing you.

Kurts hold a little. Kurt increases the pressure of his lips, actual kisses now, scattered at random across Technically, Blaine echoes, breath hitching as Kurt opens his mouth over skin, his teeth scraping against the knob at the top of Blaines spine at the same time his arm tightens around his waist, pulling him even closer. This ok? Kurt asks, an edge of nerves creeping into his voice. Blaine keeps wriggling in his hold, and they both hiss when his shirt rides up a little and Kurts hand makes contact with his stomach. Uh - god - uh-huh, totally, ok. Wonderful, even, Blaine stutters, shifting his hips back on instinct. He cant - 94 -

muffle the groan that rises when he feels Kurt hard against him, sighing in relief when Kurt responds in

kind, a muttered Oh, god as he jerks his hips forward in response. Blaine rolls his hips again and they fall

Contents into a rhythm, unhurried and lazy and Blaine thinks vaguely that he could do this forever, just sink into because everything he needs is right here.

this bed and this man and rock together and he wont even miss things like work and people and food A particularly loud moan pulls him from his trance and he pulls away as much as he can, struggling in hands, his mouth, his body.

Kurts hold to turn over. He needs to see him, hasnt done enough looking at him yet, and definitely not enough looking at him like this. Hes missed watching Kurt lose control, fall apart under the efforts of his Kurt stops moving for a second, confused until he catches on, then loosens his grip, pulls at Blaines hip to Hi, he says through his hand. Sorry. Morning breath. help him turn. He smiles hesitantly when their eyes meet before bringing a hand up to cover his mouth.

Hi, Blaine grins. I dont care. He tries to pull at Kurts hand but Kurt fights him, and neither of them have much leverage laying on their sides, so Blaine resorts to placing loud, obnoxious kisses against the back of his hand. He leaves his mouth there until theyre both laughing against Kurts hand.

Do you have to go to work today? His voice is hopeful, and theres a tinge of something in his eyes that Blaine remembers. That first night theyd gotten off together, when they couldnt even spend the whole shakes his head, cranes his neck to press a kiss to Kurts forehead as he smiles. pout is visible, making Kurt roll his eyes. night together, Blaine remembers feeling like he was being physically torn to pieces by the separation. Kurt must be feeling something like that now, and theres no way he could leave him even if he had to. He

Youre breaking the rule, Kurts muffled voice says. No kissing me. Blaine pulls back just enough so his Fine. But there was no rule about touching, Blaine smirks. He reaches up, traces Kurts eyebrow, down he can kiss Blaines palm, each of his fingertips, before pushing him back a little, just far enough so Kurt and the first touch of his lips to Blaines throat makes Blaine whimper.

the side of his face and neck, over his shoulder. Kurt flinches as he skates fingertips along ribs and he can duck his head to reach Blaines neck. He hasnt done this yet, hasnt moved away from basic kissing,

stops, raises a questioning eyebrow. Ok? Kurt nods, grabbing the exploring hand and moving his own so

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Contents Kurt pushes him a little further, onto his back, and continues his exploration. He seems intrigued by the stubble, rubbing his lips over where it grows in thicker along Blaines jaw, stops to trace tendons with the Blaine is reduced to a squirming mess; hes trying to be patient but hes never been a strong man when Kurts hair. Kurt hums against his collarbone, pulling aside his collar to get at more of it. tip of his tongue, sucks lightly over the hollow at the base of his throat. In minutes that feel like hours, faced with Kurts mouth. He finally loses part of his internal struggle, his hand coming up to tangle in P-please kiss me. Kurt please, Blaine whines, and Kurt looks almost startled when he looks up, like he cant believe Blaines asking. He drags himself up with his elbow and for a long moment they just stare, eyes locked and refusing to move.

I suppose, he murmurs as he leans down. Blaines body melts into the mattress at the contact and he his shirt again. Blaine returns the gesture, dragging the hand in Kurts hair down his spine, but when he

exhales harshly through his nose as Kurt runs his hand down his chest, slipping it just under the edge of secures his grip on Kurts waist, Kurt freezes above him. It only lasts a moment before Kurts reaching back, grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers, resting their joined hands near Blaines head. His lips resumed the lazy rocking movement that has him practically panting into Kurts mouth. start moving again and Blaine gets lost in it, doesnt come back to himself until he realizes theyve Can we...clothes. Can we lose some? Im really hot, Blaine gasps, feeling how his shirt is stuck to his back.

You are, Kurt agrees distractedly, but pulls back enough for Blaine to pull off his shirt, taking a second to sneak a glance at his chest, the muscles in his stomach that had twitched beneath his fingers. He tries to move back in but Blaine stops him, fingers curling into the hem of his shirt.

Ok? Blaine asks, tugging it up a little, and Kurt sits up, shaking his head, arms locking at his sides as he moves out of reach. This is the first time that Kurt hasnt been ok with something hes tried, and it scares knees up to his chest and is resting his chin on them, looking somehow regretful and resentful at the same time, eyes blinking rapidly. Im sorry, he whispers. He sighs heavily and Blaine reaches forward tentatively, relieved when Kurt back, needs to know what just happened, but Kurts hand is strong around the back of his neck, keeping Blaine, makes him sit up too, sitting as close as he can without actually touching him. Kurt has pulled his

doesnt flinch away as he rests a hand on his shin. Kurt takes a deep breath and straightens his legs, taking

Blaines hand and using it to pull him forward into another kiss, rougher this time. Blaine tries to pull - 96 -

Contents him there. Blaine reaches out to get his attention, grabbing blindly, and jumps in surprise at how quickly Kurt stops moving when he grabs high on his hip. Kurt, whats going on? Please, Blaine asks, watching as Kurt attempts to fold in on himself again. Kurt when he hears the tail end of Kurts mumbling.

mutters something Blaine cant hear, and he leans forward again, trying to catch his eyes, heart falling ...too soft and youre not going to want me if you see and-- He cuts himself off with a deep breath, hitching just this side of a sob, and Blaine forgets about giving him space, instead awkwardly winds his arms around him from the side and rests his forehead on Kurts shoulder. response.

We dont have to do anything if you dont want to, Blaine says quietly, but Kurt shakes his head in I - I want to. A lot, I just. I know Im not, he gestures vaguely at himself, then at Blaine. Like you are. Im Hey, Blaine interrupts, tightening his hold. I know what you look like in your head. I also know what with my hips and my stomach and - I dont want to disappoint -

you look like sitting in front of me. Theyre both beautiful. Kurt snorts a little and Blaine sets his jaw, past decade and you dont have to worry about disappointing me. Its impossible. I just dont know how you can--

determined. No. None of that. Now, I know its weird for you to think about the time you dont remember,

in terms of us, but trust me when I say I have been intimately acquainted with your body for most of the

Can I show you? Kurt looks up quickly at the question, fear mixed with something else - curiosity, other than being self-conscious, you say stop and Ill stop. But just - let me try? I need you to see.

maybe, excitement - in his eyes, and Blaine hurries to continue. If you get uncomfortable for any reason

He sounds desperate but so earnest, and it loosens the knot of fear in Kurts stomach. Kurt turns to look when Blaine does) and nudges at his shoulder, guiding him to lay down. Blaine swings his leg over Kurts waist until hes straddling his hips, hands resting on his own thighs.

properly at Blaine and nods slightly, smiles when Blaine smiles (its like a reflex, its so hard not to smile

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Contents Do you want me to put my shirt back on? he asks, grinning when Kurt chances another quick glance, biting his lip and shaking his head. Its ok if you look. I like it when you look at me. He grabs Kurts hand from the mattress then, pulls it up until it rests over his heart and covers it with his own. The first few months we were dating, I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack, the way it started pounding anytime you touched me. I actually went to the doctor. He reaches up with his free hand to mirror the me, then. position on Kurts chest, laughing a little when Kurts heart speeds up under his touch. Glad its not just He pitches forward, catching himself on his elbows as he kisses Kurt lightly, then stays close enough that their lips brush when he speaks. You were ok with me touching you last night, right? Kurt nods. Because my hands were kind of all over you. What...what changed? were...feeling.

I wasnt thinking about it. And...you were distracted, so maybe you werent paying attention to what you Im always paying attention, Blaine grins, pecking his lips again. I am shockingly aware of your body at before he starts to shimmy down Kurts body.

any given moment of the day. Even at the close distance Blaine can see Kurts brow furrow, well, really,

more like feel it, and he lifts up a bit more. Say stop and Ill stop, he repeats, kissing him one last time just Kurt is grateful when Blaine doesnt immediately go for the hem of his shirt again, instead settles his

weight on his hands on the mattress, kissing swiftly down Kurts neck to his collarbone, mimicking Kurts Everywhere Blaines mouth touches him explodes into tingles and he wants more. He feels Blaines hands Blaine laughs against his skin. Something in him tries to flare up, like he should be embarrassed, but he can feel Blaine hard against his hip and it dies easily. Its not just him; Blaine feels everything too.

earlier actions and using his chin to push away the collar of his t-shirt, revealing more skin. He nips lightly across it, alternating between teeth and lips, and Kurts hand is already in his hair, holding him close. come to rest on his chest, abstractly at first, then clear as his thumb brushes a nipple and heat jolts down his spine. He tries to say - something, hes not really sure what - but all that comes out is a squeak, and

Blaines mouth follows his hands, kissing a wet trail over Kurts shirt as he slides further down the mattress. His hands settle at Kurts waist again, but Kurt doesnt flinch this time, too caught up in the heat of his mouth and the vibrations coursing through him as Blaine hums happily on his journey. When he catches up to his hands again, he looks up, chin resting at Kurts waistband. Kurt nods shakily, unsure of - 98 -

Contents which direction hes planning to move but curious to find out, and Blaine smiles, uses his nose to push the edge of his shirt up. He maps each inch of newly revealed skin with his lips, stops to swirl his tongue into Kurts bellybutton in a way that makes his thighs twitch in interest. I love that, Blaine murmurs, still criss crossing over Kurts stomach. Youre so thin and so muscled, but no matter how much you work out, theres just that tiny layer of soft over your abs. He rests his forehead there for a second, hands flexing, squeezing at Kurts sides. I think it stays because it knows I like to rest my head there. And here, he continues, tracing the dip between his pecs with his tongue before nuzzling his cheek in. In case you havent noticed, I like laying on you. Kurt giggles at that and Blaine surges up for as he works his way back down, and while Kurt is certainly enjoying it, he doesnt understand how Blaine can look so blissed out, just focusing on someone else like this. a quick kiss before returning his focus, winking and ducking down to flick his tongue over a nipple. Kurt jolts again, shoulders lifting off the bed, and Blaine repeats his action on the other side. He grins brightly

Blaine stops again at his waistband, eyes asking a silent question that Kurt answers with a slight nod, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He trains his eyes on the ceiling as Blaine carefully pulls his pajamas down his legs, only looking down when he feels a tapping on his hip. foot to kiss his instep, the inside of his ankle, the inside of his knee.

Hey, watch me, Blaine says, tossing the pants behind him. He carefully cradles Kurts injured leg, lifts his Im not sure if you ran back then, he murmurs, repeating his actions on the uninjured leg. But you

started humoring me and coming with me sometimes in high school, and youre so much faster than me each press of lips, turning to something sharper as Blaine makes his way up his thigh, and Kurt thought it might end up here, but the reality is overwhelming.

but you still stay by my side. You push me to go faster, to be better. Warmth blooms in Kurts skin with

You dont have to, Blaine breathes, voice ragged, and Kurts been hard for so long that even Blaines But, Blaine swallows heavily. I really want to - to blow you. Can I? Kurt throws his arm across his eyes and nods.

breath ghosting across him is enough to make his dick twitch in his briefs. Thats not what this was about.

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Contents I want to blow you sounds so crass, but the first time hed asked, years ago, hed still been taking his cues that hed inadvertently kneed Blaine in the balls and it took them a week to get past it and try again. He doesnt want to repeat that.

from porn and had whispered I want to taste you into Kurts ear, which had led to Kurt laughing so hard

I need to hear you say it, Blaine says, because that nod was like the sun coming out but he has to be sure, cant stand the thought of pushing Kurt further than hes comfortable. Y-yes, Kurt stammers, still nodding. You can. Its ok. Blaine reaches up to pull his arm from where its covering his eyes, kisses his fingers before settling it back at his side. I want you to watch. Remember that Im doing this because I desperately want to, because you are so beautiful, he kisses just above the them off before settling on his stomach, looking up at Kurt from between his legs. He worried that the little before ducking down and licking a broad stripe up the underside of Kurts cock. watch me demand had been too much, but Kurts wide, bright eyes tell him otherwise, and he smirks a Kurt chokes out a strangled OH at the contact, hips instinctively lifting, trying to follow, and Blaine laughs, waistband as he inches it down. And sexy. Again. That I cant stand another minute without it. He pulls

pushes him back into the mattress and braces his forearm across his stomach, holding him there.

Easy, Blaine chuckles, licking again, all the way from base to tip. He swirls his tongue around the head once before sinking down a little, trying to let Kurt adjust. He closes his eyes as he bobs his head shallowly, relishing the sensation; its been far too long since hes done this, felt the familiar weight on his tongue, the everything so strongly. Its only amplified here, everything new and unexpected. clean, salty taste filling his mouth. Hes always loved going down on Kurt, knowing he can make him feel Kurts whimpering above him, hips trying in vain to move, to chase the wet warmth of Blaines mouth as

he pulls back to lap at the slit, and Blaine cant fight back a grin as he looks up to see Kurts throat, adams carefully not moving any further back.

apple bobbing as he swallows convulsively. He takes pity on him and loosens his arm, lets him thrust up a little as he relaxes his jaw, reaching down with his free hand to gently roll his balls in his palm, but Kurt gasps at the new depth and looks down to see Blaine watching him through his eyelashes, eyes Kurt lets out as he threads his fingers into Blaines hair. He doesnt push or even hold him in place, though

shining and attentive. Blaine winks, cant help it, really, and its worth it for the new, higher whine that - 100 -

Contents he could and Blaine wouldnt mind, just anchors his hand there, thumb brushing absently over Blaines forehead in a way thats always been comforting, and for a second everything is normal. Blaine hes getting close. Except Old Kurt had much better stamina, and Kurt is already making the soft, plaintive noises that tell I - Im gonna - I cant - Blaaaaaine, Kurt moans, and Blaine relaxes his throat, takes him all the way down and swallows as Kurt starts to come, keeps swallowing around him as he twitches and swears and starts a unable to resist the hands gripping his shoulders and pulling him up. dozen sentences he doesnt come close to finishing. He pulls off with a final soft lick, sad to leave but Kurt pulls him into a kiss immediately, open and dirty from the start, running his tongue all along the inside of Blaines mouth.. Blaine realizes hes tasting himself, noting the difference, and lets him, sucks briefly on Kurts tongue before chasing it back into his mouth and coaxing him to do the same. Kurt groans into it before he pulls away, panting against Blaines cheek.

What can I-- he asks brokenly, flexing his thigh where Blaine is straddling it, still hard and rubbing unconsciously against him. You dont - have to.

Please? Kurt asks, and his eyes are wild, determined, so Blaine rolls off of him, props himself up on an elbow and takes Kurts hand. He slides it down his stomach, lets his fingers slide just under the waistband. stuck on one foot but really doesnt care right now. Only if youre sure, he breathes, and when Kurt nods he yanks his pants down, kicks them off, gets them Kurts hand is frozen, eyes transfixed on where Blaines dick is hard and heavy against his stomach, and he

runs one finger down it, curious and feather light and making Blaine shudder. Blaine starts to beg, he knows, though hes not sure what exactly hes saying, but it must be something persuasive or desperate because then Kurt is curling his fist around him, stroking sure but light. Its a little rough, but Blaines been sweating so its a little easier and Kurt catches the precome on his palm on a downward stroke and its perfect. He stops briefly, just to rub his thumb along the ridge just under the head, making Blaine clutch at his shoulder and start to twist his hips to meet Kurts strokes.

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Contents Its all over too quickly; Blaines been wound up for too long and Kurts hand feels too good after weeks of Kurts shoulder.

nothing, weeks of not even thinking about wanting anything, and now he wants everything, has so much.

So he doesnt fight off his orgasm, just lets it wash over him, comes with a gasp and sinking his teeth into When he comes down, hes slumped against Kurt, chin pressed into the spot between his shoulder and Kisses it again just because.

neck and nose smushed against his cheek. He angles his head a little, kisses the soft spot behind Kurts ear.

Wow, Kurt says quietly. One of his arms is wrapped around Blaines waist, hand rubbing his lower back soothingly. Hes staring at his still sticky hand contemplatively, and Blaine feels him shrug a little before the sight, reaches down and pinches Kurts hip. he brings it to his mouth, darts his tongue out and licks a tiny bit of come from his finger. Blaine groans at Stop it, he grumbles. Will pass out. On top of you. No escape. wiping off his hand. than wow?

Do you always talk like a caveman after you come? Kurt giggles, taking the tissues Blaine hands him and Dunno. He yawns widely, then props his head up on one hand to look down at Kurt. How are you? Other Im... Kurt trails off, eyes scanning Blaines face for a long moment. Im good. Thank you.

Thank you, Blaine counters, dropping back down to the pillow and snuggling up to Kurts side, throwing gorgeous, and everything and I want you to see that as much as I do. In the meantime, he yawns, shifting a bit closer. I am happy to remind you. Another yawn. After a nap. -----

an arm over his waist and a leg over his knees. Seriously though, Kurt. Youre just...youre beautiful, and

Blaines pretty sure hes created a monster.

They had spent all day in bed Thursday, trading lazy kisses and touches and just generally basking in each

other, stretched out and curled around each other like cats in the sunbeams that fell across the sheets.

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Contents Kurt had broken his only other rule (Dont kiss me in the shower) with a grin when he pulled Blaine against him under the shower spray, laughing that, at the very least, he could now burn that awful bathing suit. He but almost constantly touching him. had been silly, almost giddy with this new intimacy, hands skating over Blaines body, still a little hesitant And it made sense; Blaine had been drunk on it as well, the permission to touch and the chance to be little bites of whatever was closest.

touched again. Hed only left Kurts sight long enough to find provisions, returning to bed with fruit and

cheese and bread and chocolate and feeling ridiculous and decadent as they giggled and fed each other But its been a week and Kurt is still...fixated. To put it nicely. Obsessed is a little closer, completely and

And Blaine gets it. He really, really does; if his libido had its way, he would burn all of their clothes and set up grocery delivery and never leave the apartment again. He remembers when they were 17 and this was between than either of their likings) they were as naked as they could chance, a few stolen minutes rutting and Blaine gets it. new and suddenly there was skin just, everywhere, all this bare skin free for groping and caressing and licking and biting and god, every chance theyd had (chances which were, mournfully, few and farther against Kurts bedroom door with ears trained on the staircase totally worth sitting through Friday dinner with red ears and Burts suspicious eyes boring into the tops of their heads. Kurts feeling that way now, Blaine, unfortunately, has a mind and, more importantly, a heart, that refuse to let him get as swept away. Because theyd been caught up in each other the first time around, sure, but they were still so stupid in love and lacking regular privacy and opportunity that it was interspersed with dates and cuddling and just in. Blaine kind of already misses Kurts face, which is difficult to see when its buried in his neck, Kurt sucking at that spot under his jaw. Even if he could see him at that angle, his eyes are always rolled back in his head. sitting on the couch sharing each others space. Hes tried gently pushing him away, suggesting they actually watch whatever is playing on the television, but Kurt is persistent and always makes his way back

totally tunnel visioned is the most accurate.

And hes been trying to get Kurt to this point, comfortable with himself and confident in Blaines interest, really, really doesnt) but. Its frustrating. He just really wants to take him on a date.

so now that hes there, willing and eager, Blaine wouldnt turn him down even if he wanted to (which he - 103 -

Contents But its hard to ask when Kurts tongue is in his mouth. Which it always is.

Hed hoped Kurt would...cool off, a little, at the beginning of the week. Hed started a GED class on Monday,

insisting that even though he had the education, hed like to actually learn some of it for himself. It had led

to a long conversation about future schooling and money and dependency where Blaine had assured him, repeatedly, that they were ok. They owned the apartment (thanks to the entirety of the trust fund left by Grandpa Anderson) and their original student loans were paid off, and while Blaine definitely didnt make had offered to help (Weve got the money, Kurt. Its amazing what not funding your wardrobe does for my savings account). Kurt had drawn into himself, a little, and Blaine could practically see his independent streak thrumming, telling him to withdraw and refuse. Then Blaine had pointed out that, in addition to surprise each other with something) and, appeased, that was what Kurt had used to pay for his class. enough money to entirely fund another college degree, Kurt could easily take out student loans and Burt

their joint account, they both kept private savings accounts (Mad money, ya know, or if were trying to But it isnt distracting him, like Blaine had thought; almost the opposite, really. Kurt comes home raves as he hobbles around, relying less and less on his crutches as he gets stronger. He could probably get

frustrated again on Thursday, ranting about how much of a joke it is, how simple and Pandering to the lowest common denominator, really Blaine, there was a whole lesson on balancing equations. He rants and by with just one for support, but Finns Tiny Tim comment has stuck with him so he uses both. By the time dinner. Or, was, before Kurt pressed up against his back and started mouthing at his neck. he reappears, backpack stowed and shoe off, Blaine has about 10 seconds before Kurt is crowding him

into the wall or the sofa or, right now, the refrigerator, where Blaine is trying to retrieve ingredients for Kurt, Blaine protests weakly, tipping his head to the side as Kurt noses down along the side of his neck, fingers brushing low on his stomach. They havent gone further than last week; Kurt is happy to roam, to take his time licking across Blaines abs, but when he gets any lower he freezes a little, and Blaine always hands, and Blaine is more than happy to just roll around with him, rut against each other or even just into the mattress while he takes Kurt apart with his own mouth. pulls him back up before he can get embarrassed. Blaine doesnt mind; Kurts more than willing with his

So its not a surprise when Kurts fingers dip below the waistband of his jeans and Blaine finds himself trapped between the hand on his stomach and Kurts body, his dick hard against the swell of Blaines ass. - 104 -

Contents Kurt, not right now, Blaine says, reaching for the refrigerator door. Kurt follows the movement, staying close, pushes the door closed again when Blaine opens it as he palms over the front of Blaines boxers. Hmm, youre sure not right now? Kurt asks in a low voice, nipping at his earlobe, because of course Blaine is hard. Its not his body that has any issue with this. Kurt grinds against him, just once, and Blaine inhales sharply, bites his lip before he tries again. Im making dinner, Blaine says sternly.

You can have me for dinner, Kurt purrs, and that, for some reason, is what makes Blaine snap. Hes going between them before spinning around to face Kurt.

to have to be the one to fix this before it spirals out of control. He pulls away roughly, puts a few feet I said no, Kurt, he sighs, rolling his shoulders. Kurts arms immediately cross over his body, stung with the rejection and eyes filling with fire thats never, ever been directed at Blaine. Oh Im sorry, he says, voice dripping with the kind of sarcasm unmistakably meant to wound. I was Kurt-- under the impression that you wanted me. Who was it that told me that? Oh, right. You.

But I guess the novelty has worn off. Sorry Im bothering you. Ill just--

KURT! Kurt jumps at that and Blaine feels momentarily horrible; he wishes Old Kurt was here, just for a second, to realize that Blaine only yells when its something stupid, some simple frustration so easily fixed him off before he got too much steam behind him. (its only when Blaine is quiet that something is really, truly wrong), but at least he got his attention, cut Of course I want you, he says helplessly, hands raking through his hair. But its not a game! I want all of hands sliding into his pockets. Blaine takes advantage of the moment, takes a tentative step forward and Blaine pull him forward until their chests just barely brush, resting their joined hands over his heart. What do you mean? Kurt asks quietly, free hand coming up to toy with one of Blaines buttons.

you. Not just...not just sex. Blaine can see the fire go out of Kurt when he says it, his arms uncrossing, holds out his hand, wiggling his fingers a little until Kurt huffs a laugh through his nose and takes it, lets

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Contents I want to sit and talk, and go out and do things, and...god, Ive been trying to get you to go on a date with to woo you. Kurt snorts at that and Blaine scowls. me for a week, Kurt. But youre all...hot, and distracting, he sighs, narrowing his eyes playfully. I just want

Woo me? Really? Kurt sounds like hes trying very hard to judge Blaine, but he cant keep the pleased or...deciding for me or something. Wait, what? am, sort

note out of his voice, that tone thats still a little awed every time Blaine does something blatantly

affectionate. Blaine just nods, lips quirked up a bit, and Kurt sighs. I thought you were...losing interest

When you push me away or just try to hold my hand it feels like you think Im a kid. And Im not. I mean, I of, in my head sometimes, but I feel less like that now, with fast and too quiet and Blaine ducks his head until he can catch Kurts gaze.

And...youwontevenletmeblowyou. It all comes out in a rush, especially whatever he says at the end, too

you.

One more time? he asks, pushing Kurts chin up with his nose and kissing the corner of his mouth in encouragement. You wont even let me blow you, Kurt mumbles, frowning. Every time I work up my nerve you just stop me. Ive been trying to wear you down. Its Blaines turn to snort, this time, nuzzling his nose against Kurts and resting their foreheads together as he keeps chuckling quietly.

I dont think youre a kid, Blaine says quietly. Believe me, I dont. I thought you - werent ready, and I didnt want you to push yourself too fast because you dont have to. Not for me. Im sorry if you thought-- I dont think its a game, Kurt replies, just as quietly, pulling back so they can look at each other properly.

lips, smiling as he pulls back. Kurt, will you go on a date with me? Tomorrow? Yes. Blaine, can I blow you?

Im sorry if you thought, Blaine interrupts. He tilts his chin up to brush a quick, chaste kiss across Kurts

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Contents Blaine barks out a laugh before it turns gasping, dissolving into unending fits of giggles as he hunches over, hands braced on his thighs. It takes minutes for him to calm down, for his breathing to go back to Yes, he laughs, grinning at the amusement shining in Kurts eyes. Not tonight, though? I just...I just want to hang out with you. Is that ok? Blaine, Kurt says, voice fond and warm and not hoarse with desire like it has been. Of course its ok. He refrigerator door. What are we making for dinner? --normal, and hes still hiccupping a little when he stands up.

grins. As long as I can give you a manicure. Blaine laughs again as he nods, and Kurt pulls open the

Blaines nervous when he gets home Friday night. Kurts class doesnt meet on Fridays so hes likely to be Kurt up for their date. Hed texted Kurt to be ready at 6, to look nice but be comfortable, and nothing more, before he knocks, and its so silly but he wants everything to be perfect. leans against the doorframe as he gives a shy Hello in greeting.

home, and Blaine actually took clothes with him to work so he could change, so he could properly pick no matter how many Come on, Blaine, texts hed gotten in return. He actually has to take a deep breath Kurt looks a little puzzled when he answers the door, but his eyes light up when he catches on, and he You look great, Blaine says, because he does - he always does. He holds out the rose hes been gripping a little too hard, grateful he hasnt broken the stem, and Kurt beams, holds it to his nose and inhales deeply. we going... Thanks. You too, he nods, gesturing to Blaines outfit, then looking curiously at what hes holding. Are On a picnic, Blaine grins, swinging the basket a little. If thats ok? The parks nearby - you wont even

need your crutches. Kurt grins back and Blaine ducks around him with a command to stay there, they lock the door behind them.

reappearing with a blanket and draping it over the basket. He offers his other arm and Kurt takes it as The park, Kurt snorts as they enter one of the quieter areas of Central Park. Cute, Blaine. - 107 -

Contents What? Is it not a park? Blaine asks playfully. Kurt nudges him in the side as they make their way toward a tree. Blaine guides Kurt toward the tree, pushing at him and staring him down until hes leaning against food before he helps Kurt sit down. and resting his weight on his good leg, and busies himself with unfurling the blanket and laying out the I know its not a fancy restaurant and the Empire State Building, Blaine shrugs. But--

Its perfect, Kurt smiles, leaning over to kiss Blaines shoulder. They sit close, some part of them always touching, but Kurt cant stop glancing around the park, waiting for judgmental looks that never come. Blaine seems to have cleared out a good part of what he says is their favorite deli, and its fun to eat paperwrapped sandwiches and pick pasta salad out of plastic containers. They drink champagne out of plastic and Kurt feels light and happy in a way he really hasnt yet.

flutes (theres sparkling juice too, just in case, but Kurt is curious, and champagne, it turns out, is delicious)

He lays back, rests his head on Blaines lap as he looks up at him, the setting sun forming a soft halo around his curls. He watches Blaines lips move as he sings along to the music coming from the ipod dock with him the first time around, how easy it would be to just let this man love him, to love him back. He lets he wont do it as well this time around, and Blaine deserves the most, the best, everything. back, pursing his lips and Blaine laughs, drops a kiss there too. himself wish, just for a moment, really desperately wish that he could remember, because Blaine seems so he brought along. He lets Blaine feed him small bites of strawberries and understands how he fell in love happy and content around him that he knows he must have really loved him before, and hes scared that Youre thinking very loudly, Blaine smiles, dipping his head to kiss Kurts forehead. Kurt tilts his chin Nah, Kurt shrugs. Strawberry? Blaine retrieves one, offers it, and Kurt kisses the tip of his thumb in thanks. He might not be able to be everything for Blaine, not like he was before, but he can try. Its late when they get back, both too comfortable to think about moving until the mosquitoes come out with the darkness, and Kurts still pleasantly fuzzy, giggling into Blaines shoulder as he steers them home. So I went on a date with you, Kurt starts as they exit the elevator. Blaine unlocks the door and gestures for Kurt to enter, laughing when Kurt misjudges and knocks his hip into the door frame, frowning as he rubs at the spot. Do I get to blow you now?

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Contents Maybe not when youve been drinking? Blaine asks hesitantly. Its just - I know I said that I wouldnt Its ok, Kurt smiles. You have a point. Considering I cant walk through a door...Im going to need my motor skills in tip top shape for that. Do I at least get a goodnight kiss? But of course, Blaine grins. His hands settle on Kurts waist immediately as he leans forward, kissing him back with a series of pecks to random spots on Kurts mouth and his smile is darker now. question.

stop you, but - I want you to --

softly but insistently. Kurt wraps his arms around Blaines shoulders and holds him there, just enjoying how the pressure of Blaines body against his makes the fuzziness sharper, makes him shiver. Blaine pulls

There are other things you dont need nearly as many motor skills for, he says, an eyebrow quirked in Oh really? Kurt asks, cocking his eyebrow in response. Theyre still for a moment before Blaine ducks quickly and Kurts feet leave the ground. He yelps as Blaine sweeps his legs out from under him, laughing at he jogs toward the bedroom.

He sets Kurt gently on the bed, letting him scoot up before he crawls on after, and stops on his hands and knees, hovering over him and smiling. I had a really great time tonight. Me too.

Will you go out with me again?

Well, Kurt drawls, looking up at him. I suppose-mmph. The rest of his words are cut off by Blaines lips against his. When he pulls back his eyes are bright and yes, Kurt can definitely try.

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Contents

Part Seven
Kurt walks through the door Monday evening looking simultaneously proud, bashful, flabbergasted, and expressions, and pull it off without looking completely ridiculous.

annoyed. Blaines pretty sure that Kurt is the only person who could manage that combination of Im not going back to that class, he says, swinging gracefully down the hall to the bedroom. Blaine

remains seated on the sofa, waits for Kurt to center himself and reappear; Kurt has always needed those choirs are going to be so lopsided) when Kurt reappears, falling heavily onto the sofa. His head lolls information.

few minutes to reacclimate after a day at school, at work, wherever. Sure enough, Blaines only made it against the back and Blaine had planned to wait him out, but he doesnt seem like hes going to volunteer I thought it was...going well? Blaine asks, mind working quickly to properly phrase the next part because not expected to know everything, thats why the class exists.

through a few pages in his notebook (Why are there so many sopranos coming in this year? All of the

he doesnt want to offend Kurt. If its turning out to be...difficult...dont get too down on yourself - youre Blaine, Kurt says, voice monotone and unreadable. Thats the problem. I know everything. Everything. I sat in the back of the classroom today and instead of paying any attention at all I just did all of the worksheets and didnt miss any questions. So I spent the rest of the time on my laptop, sending away for wide; it makes him self-conscious. What? college brochures. He stops talking when he sees how Blaine is staring at him, jaw a little agape and eyes Kurt, Blaine exhales. Thats - you realize how important that is, right? Theres stuff there that you know youre smart but... Kurts eyes widen, mirroring Blaines as he catches on.

shouldnt know, that you wouldnt have even come close to learning for another couple of years. I mean I Ask me something, he says, voice quiet but urgent as he pulls his legs up onto the couch, turning to face to McKinley.

Blaine. So Blaine wracks his brain, thinking of things he knows Kurt didnt learn until at least his transfer Tell me about economics garners little more than a furrowed brow, but Who is the father of economics

gets an immediate answer. Kurt cant tell Blaine his opinion on The Grapes of Wrath but he can name the - 110 -

Contents main characters. Cant explain the theory behind differential equations but can solve one set in front of him. He seems to be able to answer questions but not recall the information without prompting. There are a million questions Blaine wants to ask, things they havent talked about yet (What song did we you for the first time?) but hes too scared, doesnt know if he can handle Kurt not knowing the answer, point. doesnt know if Kurt can handle Kurt not knowing the answer, not when this feels like such a turning

dance to at our wedding? What are we going to name our daughter? Where were we when I told you I loved

Instead he stands up, darts across the room to the record player and returns with his hand outstretched as a song begins to play. Dance with me. Blaine, I cant really... Kurt frowns, gesturing down to his cast, but Blaine just laughs and wiggles his spins Kurt quickly, grinning when his socked foot slides easily as Elvis blares from the living room.

fingers, pulling Kurt up and leading him from the carpeted living room to the cool tile of the kitchen. He Theyve been twirling and shimmying and laughing for 3 songs, Blaine dancing on one foot half the time

(Well start a craze) when his phone starts to ring, just barely noticeable as the song fades out into stuck between the couch cushions, raising it victoriously over his head before answering.

crackling static. Blaine dashes a kiss across whatever part of Kurts face is closest, shrugging at Kurts raised eyebrow when it lands on the side of his nose, and jogs toward where hes pretty sure his phone is

Hey, Kurt? Blaine calls after a minute, and Kurt follows him to the living room, taking in his furrowed brow, the slight frown. He mutters, Hold on a sec into the phone and covers it with his hand, looking hesitantly at Kurt. Its your office. Leslies...freaking out. I dont understand half of what shes saying. Can you try? Kurt eyes

the phone skeptically but shrugs and takes it. Blaine hears Leslies tone change into something fond, hears the hushed Oh darling, you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice... before she starts back up. squeeze of the hand, wandering toward the kitchen to start dinner. Any guesses? Kurt looks caught somewhere between concentration and complete confusion so Blaine leaves him with a Kurt reappears a few minutes later, twirling Blaines phone absently in his palm. Spring line sketches. - 111 -

Contents Black leather portfolio, I think, one of the nicer ones, Blaine answers without pausing his chopping. I dont know where it is, though, because youve been moving everything around. Also, he spins, leaning slide grease on your hands and the chalk dust on your shirt you will be the death of my burgeoning design career, Blaine Anderson. back against the island. You never let me touch it or the sketches themselves because, Blaine clears his throat and when he speaks again its in a respectable imitation of Kurts voice. Between the rosin and the

Well you cant just touch pencil sketches with hands anything less than pristine, Kurt huffs, but still returns Blaines grin. Alright. Apparently after...everything...they tried to just recreate my parts of the line didnt destroy them when I was looking at everything. but Leslie isnt happy and she just begged me to find whatever I had and take it over to her tomorrow. She described the designs, so Im going to go scavenge through the piles of portfolios in there and hope that I Good luck, Blaine smiles, saluting sharply before turning back to the cutting board. The record has started over, so he sings along as he works, laughing every time he does an exaggerated hip swivel and that for 20 years; it seems like hed have it down by now. following it up with a muttered Thank you, thank you very much and failed lip curl. Hes been practicing He looks down at the veritable mountain of vegetables, wondering what to actually make with them, when distracted Yeah? in reply.

he realizes the record has finished again and he hasnt heard a peep from Kurt. So he wipes his hands and heads down the hall, tossing the dish towel absently between his hands as he calls out and gets only a When Blaine stops in the doorway his breath catches; Kurt is hunched over the drafting table, glasses strokes over the paper.

perched on the end of his nose, tongue poking from the side of his mouth as his pencil moves in broad There were three that were still unfinished, Kurt mutters, not looking away from his work. Im done with one and I shouldnt be too much longer with these two, sorry. Kurt? Blaine asks, voice high and reedy and shaking even though he tries to stop it. He cant even imagine what his face must look like when Kurt glances up, probably startled by the way Blaine sounds, but it makes Kurt freeze when he looks at him over the top of his glasses. He drops his pencil.

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Contents I... he trails off, shaking his head like a dog with water in it ears as he pushes away from the table. His and...oh god I hope I didnt ruin them - How did I--

voice starts rising as he continues. I found them, and they werent done and I just started drawing Kurt. Blaine interrupts him, walking carefully toward where hes sitting with his arms wrapped around at the sketch and cant tell what was done before and what Kurts added tonight. Kurt, this is great. He can see uncertainty in Kurts eyes, though, flashing between the excitement, and places his hands on Kurts crossed arms, tugs him up into a hug.

himself, looking ready to vibrate out of his skin. I dont think you ruined anything. He leans over to look

Its just like the GED class, he says, arms tight around Kurts waist and speaking quietly but quickly, assuredly, right into his ear. Its just another thing we know is there. Drawing is...you spent years studying it in school. Its probably like sense memory. This is good.

This is good, Kurt echoes, pulling back to look at Blaine. This is good, he repeats, more confidently, and a grin is spreading across his face that Blaine returns. Oh my god, Blaine, Im a - Im still a designer. Its there, somewhere. Im not-- he cuts himself off abruptly and Blaine wonders what he was going to say, seam of Blaines lips. but lets it go when Kurt kisses him hard once, darting in repeatedly as he speaks again. This. Kiss. Is.

Kiss. Good. The last kiss is longer and Blaine moans into it, can feel Kurts smile even as he licks at the Lets see if I have sense memory for anything else, Kurt mumbles into his mouth, and before Blaine can ask what he means, Kurt is turning him and pushing him down into the desk chair, bending with him to keep kissing him.

Can I...? Kurt asks, moving his hand to the front of Blaines jeans, toying with the button. Blaine had

thought hed changed his mind, since he hadnt brought it up again, but he nods furiously at the question, would be embarrassed if it werent for the way that Kurt is straddling one of his knees, already hard and over each inch of newly revealed skin. rutting absently against him as he starts on the buttons of Blaines shirt, lips following his fingers to trace He pushes the shirt from Blaines shoulders and tugs his undershirt off in one quick movement,

immediately leaning forward and latching onto the hollow just above his collarbone, sucking lightly at the skin as his hand slides over Blaines chest, down his stomach to rest on the bulge in his jeans. He squeezes - 113 -

Contents lightly, gives one parting kiss to the side of Blaines neck, then his lips, laughing against them and tutting in Wait, Blaine says quickly, and Kurts about to yell at him (he almost whines But you promised before Blaine grabbing blindly behind him, pulling his discarded shirt free from where its trapped behind his back and folding it hastily. Your - your knee, he explains, shoving the makeshift cushion at Kurt. the back of his throat when Blaine tries to deepen it, instead pulling back to slide down onto the floor.

he realizes how completely childlike that sounds and how much it will not help right now) but he sees

Kurt rolls his eyes fondly, because Blaines so concerned, so attentive, even when Kurt is attempting to blow him. He takes the shirt even though his knee feels fine (which he keeps insisting) and it really does feel better, so he kisses Blaines still clothed thigh in thanks and oh, maybe he should take care of that. He waistbands and pulls, throwing the rest of Blaines clothes behind him, and when he turns back, there it is. Blaines dick. makes, and taps his hips, smiling when Blaine immediately lifts up. Kurt hooks his fingers into both sits up, swirls his tongue into Blaines bellybutton as he unbuttons his jeans just to hear the noise he

Kurts been staring for about a minute when he leans forward suddenly, higher than Blaine expected as he mouths at his abs, slowly, slowly working his way lower, millimeters at a time. By the time he reaches a hipbone, giving it an experimental nip, Blaine is sure hes lost all communication of him, kneeling on his shirt. The absurdity of it threatens to pull him out of the moment, but Kurts mouth is really, really close to his cock now and hed like to see what happens next. and Blaine gasps at the contact.

with his body. Hes wriggling around naked in their leather rolling chair and Kurt is fully clothed in front

I like these, Kurt mumbles as he kisses across to the other hipbone, his chin brushing Blaines erection, Baa-babyyy, Blaine whines, shifting again, and Kurt freezes, looks up.

Say that again, Kurt breathes, lips still brushing low on Blaines stomach.

Wh-what? Baby? Blaine does not have enough blood in his brain to pay attention to his words right now. But Kurt leans up, looping a hand behind Blaines neck to pull him down, too, and forces Blaines mouth to open wide under his. Blaine just takes it, hips rising in search of some sort of friction as Kurt thrusts his - 114 -

Contents tongue into his mouth. Kurt pulls away too soon, but Blaine grabs the hem of his shirt on his way back

down and pulls, tossing it and reaching down to run his hand through Kurts hair, as far down his neck and back as he can manage before Kurts pushing him back again. Kurt leans forward and gives a small, tentative lick to the underside of Blaines cock, and god its almost considering.

enough. He follows it with his lips, one open mouthed kiss up the shaft before he pulls back again, Oh god baby please dont tease me please, Blaine babbles, rolling his head against the back of the chair.

I dont, Kurt starts, hesitates, and Blaine starts to reach down, to pull him up before he can get me?

embarrassed again. But Kurt catches his hand and looks up, eyes wide. I want to...do it right. Just - show Blaine exhales shakily, extracting his hand from Kurts grasp to cup his burning cheek. He runs his thumb over a cheekbone, down to brush over Kurts swollen bottom lip, gasping when his mouth falls open a to gather himself. little. Blaines eyes roll back in his head when Kurt sucks at the tip of his thumb and it takes him a minute Theyve roleplayed before, but this is one theyve never been able to get right; Blaine cant keep a straight are curious and eager and trusting Blaine to teach him how to give a blowjob.

face and Kurt is too proud of his ability to completely take Blaine apart to play ignorant, but his eyes now Open, sweetheart, Blaine says, pressing a little on the hinge of Kurts jaw before he cups his cheek again.

His voice is husky and he sounds like every bad porn movie hes ever seen but he so doesnt care, not when Kurts mouth just falls slack like that with no question. No teeth, he warns, taking the base of his Kurts lips and tries not to shudder when Kurts tongue instinctively darts out to taste. cock in his free hand and guiding it toward Kurts waiting mouth. He moves slowly, rubs the head against Like that, he urges, and Kurt gives him one last look before sinking down over the tip. Blaine lets go of his head slowly.

his cock, reaches for Kurts hand and guides it to the base, wanting more of Kurt touching him, on

him, handsmoutheverything surrounding him, still cradling his jaw with the other hand as he starts to bob

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Contents Oh - nng - Kurt, yeah, Blaine mutters, digging the nails of his free hand into his own thigh to try to stop from thrusting up into the tight, wet heat. Kurt hums at the praise, the vibrations going straight through quickly, and pulls away with a sputtering cough and watery eyes. he hopes Kurt realizes that. Blaine, making him moan and feeding back into Kurts enthusiasm. He sinks down further, too far too You - ok? Blaine pants; hes genuinely concerned but he cant sound anything other than turned on, and Yeah, Kurt says, voice scratchy, and hes shaking his head, I knew I wouldnt...

No, no, shh, Blaine says, rubbing the base of Kurts neck soothingly even as he guides him back to his before, hand slowly jerking what he isnt covering, working his tongue along the ridge just under the head, seems to spur him on and he starts to sink down again.

almost painfully hard dick. It happens. Just - not so deep so fast. Kurt nods and places a quick kiss to the head, almost chaste were it not for the circumstances. He takes him back into his mouth, not as far as in circles all around the shaft, pressing into the slit and moaning a little at the slight taste of precome. It Slow, Blaine warns, eyes clenched shut. Breathe through your nose. Blaine can tell the second

and Kurt presses them back down, leaves his arm there to hold him down, and Blaine is grateful to stop between watching Kurt work him over and not being able to focus on anything, and he can hear himself babbling. He feels himself hit the back of Kurts throat, the flutter of muscles around the head as Kurts gag reflex

everything finally clicks for Kurt; he picks up speed, takes Blaine a little deeper. Blaines hips stutter again

thinking about restraint, trusts Kurt to hold him down. His eyes wont stop opening and closing, torn

tries to kick in. You dont have to, he mutters, but Kurt looks up at him with a glint in his eye as he hollows his cheeks, sucking hard before sinking back down just as far. His throat flutters again and Blaine hears and feels the slight, frustrated sound, knows that if one thing is certain, its that Kurt doesnt back down from a challenge. Relax, he says softly. Steady breaths through your nose. He pulls Kurts hand away from the base, Kurts throat it keeps going.

interlacing their fingers on his thigh as Kurt sinks down again, and this time when the head of his dick hits

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Contents Oh, fuck, Blaine yells as Kurt swallows around him. Kurt moans as he bobs his head, then again, and Blaine is vaguely aware of more movement. He looks down to see Kurts hand shoved down the front of at the sight and he squeezes Kurts hand where its still wound around his. his jeans, rocking into his own fist as he keeps swallowing Blaine down. Blaines orgasm rushes up on him Kurt - I - Im - he stammers, using his grip on Kurts head to hold him in place when he just moans again

but makes no move to pull away, thrusting deep once and coming with a shout, curses and oaths to deities he doesnt believe in and Kurt, always Kurt.

He loosens his grip but doesnt let go, letting Kurt lift his head with a weak cough and sliding his hands to when his softening cock brushes denim but not caring enough to move.

his arms to pull him up and into the chair. He leans into Kurt, open mouth pressed to his sternum, hissing So thats a no on the sense memory, Kurt says, voice raspy as he laughs weakly. Blaine tries to kiss him, Blaines curls. Was that...ok?

ends up just kind of sliding his mouth around a bit, and Kurt giggles again, dips his head to bury a kiss in Perfect, Blaine murmurs, forcing enough focus to control his mouth. He kisses his chest. You are so beautiful. His neck. And perfect. He kisses him properly, gently, slipping his tongue through Kurts lips to taste himself on Kurts tongue. They sit for a minute before Kurt shifts uncomfortably, making Blaine hiss again. Sorry, Kurt hums, petting absently at Blaines side. But I, um, need to go clean up. His stomach growls loudly as he moves to stand and they both laugh. Were you making dinner? I...cut up a lot of vegetables, Blaine starts. But I didnt really...have a plan (I couldnt stop thinking about

the fact that youre almost remembering). Seriously, a lot of vegetables. You go clean up, Ill figure it out. Kurt from the room.

He stands too, leaning in for another kiss before ducking to pull on his boxers and t-shirt and following

They eat stir fry (and Blaine feels vindicated that he insists on having a box of minute rice around even

though Kurt hates it because at least it doesnt take 45 minutes to cook like the bag of stuff Kurt likes that Blaine keeps mistaking for potpourri) while Kurt muses about his newfound design abilities, wondering if Leslie will be ok with him finishing the sketches when he takes them over in the morning. Blaine offers to - 117 -

Contents accompany him but Kurt refuses, says he should go on his own, and it makes Blaine smile. He loves when Kurt needs him but loves it more when Kurt doesnt need him, but wants him anyway. They fall into bed early, a tangled mass of limbs high on progress and possibility, and Blaine is grateful that the pajama nonsense has gone by the wayside because it was so hot today that he knows the morning sun will be insufferable. Theres a movie playing on the television but neither of them are really paying attention, too busy trading lazy kisses and touches, intrigued by angles of ribs and knobby knees and the to his mouth, kissing the palm and leaving his lips there, humming a little while his breaths even out. Kurts almost asleep when Blaine speaks, voice low and slurred with his own journey toward sleep. Love you, Blaine mumbles into his palm, and Kurts eyes are stinging even as he drifts to sleep. -----

scratch of chest hair. Kurt laughs when Blaine finally yawns wide, pressing a smacking kiss to Kurts lips and turning over, taking Kurts arm with him and snuggling back into his chest. Blaine brings Kurts hand

Kurt pushes the door open, not even flinching when it slams against the wall, ignoring the heavy metallic clang as his eyes adjust to the darkness. Hes out of breath, knows hes been running, doesnt know whats led him here, but knows who.

He walks as quietly as his crutches allow; hes stepping on something and even the whispering as it shuffles seems loud, echoing in the empty room. He squints down to find a sea of papers, white sheets smears the pencil on one of them. covered in drawings of dresses and suits, all initialed KAH, and he cringes when the tip of his crutch A muffled groan catches his attention and he tries to follow it, stumbling until a dim light appears a few feet to his left, revealing Blaine. Hes in a chair, arms and legs bound with something shiny, groaning faintly through the gag in his mouth.

Blaine! Blaine are you alright? Kurt hurries to the chair, dropping down in front of him to try and catch his eyes. He looks dazed, unfocused, blinking heavily as he tries to lift his head. Kurt tries to pull away the red and blue striped tie muffling him but its too tight, his fingers wont work against the knot. Ill get you out of here, he mumbles, staring into the darkness and willing something to appear that will help him. He can feel eyes on him, all around them, but theyre all just beyond his field of vision.

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Contents Hes not moving, a soft, familiar voice says, and Kurt whips around to find the source, seeing nothing. Neither of you are. Not unless you remember. IM TRYING, Kurt screams, turning back to Blaine. He leans down to investigate the rope only to find of him and Blaine.

what looks like film, endless tiny squares housing moving images. Some are familiar, from the past few

weeks or something hes seen in the photo albums, but most are new, just barely out of focus. Theyre all Try harder, the voices chides, and Kurt reaches out for the film, intending to tear it apart, only to have skin but he cant get a grip on it.

his hands pass right through it. He grabs Blaines wrists and tugs, watching as the binding digs into his I told you, Kurt says through gritted teeth. I - there was an accident - I cant.

Cant? Kurt hears a quiet scoff and it makes him clench his jaw harder. Then it looks like no ones going anywhere. Kurt jolts awake, just barely manages to resist bolting upright as he comes back to himself, but he can sense Blaines presence even in his sleep and recognizes the arm draped over his stomach before he sees love into Kurts skin, thats hes dreamt of dark rooms and invisible captors and woken in a cold sweat. it, doesnt want to wake Blaine up. This is the third night in a row, every night since Blaine mumbled his He slides carefully out from under Blaines arm, smiling as Blaine curls it around his pillow instead and sighs happily in his sleep, and pads quietly toward the living room, collapsing into the corner of the sofa and rubbing a hand over his face. Hes a little disappointed in his mind, really; it seems like it would have a bit more respect for the nuances cant remember and a voice saying theyre stuck until he does.

of metaphor and subconscious insecurities, but no. Instead he has Blaine literally bound by the things Kurt Its stupid. Its utterly ridiculous. He wonders if its true.

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Contents Its already been an intense week and its only Wednesday - well, Thursday now. The realization, confirmation that everything was still there, somewhere had buoyed them up, made them giddy and hopeful and chatty as they explored what, exactly, Kurt remembers, but theres been an undercurrent in every word, moreso in the silence. Kurts been waiting for Blaine to ask him something that matters. Blaine hasnt.

Kurt can feel him watching, though, trying to be discreet about it but mostly failing, watching like hes waiting. He understands, or at least thinks he does; Blaine doesnt want either of them to be disappointed, crawl out of his skin wondering what lies just beyond the darkness. is too scared to test the limits of progress, but even with how scared he is, himself, Kurt is itching, ready to He stands and walks over to the television, stooping to open the cabinet beneath that houses the DVDs, of a heart with an arrow through it. He finally pulls it from the stack, slipping the disc into the player and settling in the armchair closest to the TV so he can keep the volume low. He has to try. He promised he would try. ---

fingers tracing over the one hes been avoiding. The cover is in Kurts handwriting, K+B 5/24/19 inside

The room is all exposed brick and steel, contrasting sharply with the white linens and pale blue chairs. It must be evening, the room dim save for the hundreds of tiny lanterns strung between the two sides of the balcony above. Blaine descends the staircase, an older woman on his arm as he proceeds down the aisle, leaving her at the the shoulder.

end with a kiss on the cheek before moving to the front, smiling a little when the closest man pats him on Then Blaines expression shifts and Kurt knows that watching this was a terrible idea.

Blaine beams, grin spreading quickly and eyes welling with tears visible even through the camera. The camera pans and theres Kurt, arm interlocked with his fathers, taking the final step off the staircase and - 120 -

Contents moving down the aisle. His face is similarly...blissful, thats the only word for it, really, and he doesnt spare a glance for anyone in the audience until he leaves his dad at the end of the aisle, eyes closing when Burt leans forward to kiss his forehead and says something indecipherable. He takes his place next to Blaine; Finn reaches out and punches him in the arm, Rachel beaming right behind him. The officiant talks about soulmates and fate and beating the odds and the immutable qualities of love and the whole time they dont take their eyes off each other. They get to the vows and even the cheesy words Theyre announced Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel and theres a deafening roar, so loud the camera and after a minute its just a crushing hug, both of their arms wrapped around the other and holding on like their lives depend on it. Kurt watches them and wonders how he couldve considered what they are right now anything close to happy. How he could think its enough when hes seen them so happy theyre practically floating with it. How he can think it will ever be more than a cheap knockoff. (Looks like no ones going anywhere.)

sound heartfelt and earnest, sickness and health and love and honor and every day for the rest of our lives. crackles with the feedback, as they kiss, and its soft and slow but neither of them can stop grinning into it

He stands as the scene fades out, and when it comes back the room has been transformed for dancing. Kurt listens to Finns toast as he pulls his laptop off of the end table. He waits for it to wake up as the other cant look directly at them. bar. toasts are made, listens to the crowd laugh and coo and watches Blaine and himself as they stand to say thank you but barely look away from each other, so much love in their eyes that Kurts own burning eyes

Blaine spins Kurt out onto the dance floor and pulls him back into his arms as Kurt types into the search Ohio fashion design schools. ---

Blaine sits up before hes fully awake, brain buzzing that somethings off, wrong. He instinctively reaches wakes up alone, shakes his head to clear out the fear before he stands up to investigate.

to the side, finds the bed empty and Kurts pillow cool to the touch. He hates that he still panics when he - 121 -

Contents He finds Kurt burrowed into the arm of the couch, arm curled around his closed laptop, sound asleep as of the air conditioner that never quite makes it back to the bedroom, and as Blaine gets closer, he hears corner of one eye Blaine realizes that hes crying.

the DVD players screensaver bounces across the screen. Hes shaking a little, probably cold from the bite quiet sniffling. Kurts eyes are twitching, moving fitfully behind closed eyelids, and as a tear leaks from the Blaine slides one arm under his bent knees, the other around his back, and lifts him off the couch. The shushes him.

contact startles Kurt partially awake and he jolts in Blaines arms, head whipping around until Blaine Youre ok, youre ok, Blaine murmurs, squeezing him closer to his chest. Kurts eyes lock on his and fill with tears as a sob escapes. Why cant I remember you? he asks, voice thick with sleep and breaking on the words as he buries his face in Blaines neck and wraps his arms around his shoulders. Blaine glances down and his heart falls when he sees the familiar DVD case laying open on the floor. Kurt cries silently into his neck all the way into the bedroom, more just hitching breaths than anything, and his grip is so tight that Blaine doesnt even try to put him down, instead lays down himself, keeping Kurt close.

Kurt hasnt said anything else to Blaine, but he can hear him muttering under his breath, just barely, Im sorry and Im trying over and over against his neck, but its slurred, and Blaines almost positive hes and doesnt sleep until Kurt goes quiet and still. sleeping again. He holds Kurt a little tighter, tries to whisper as many endearments as Kurt does apologies, Kurt wakes up again when its light, groaning as he shifts awkwardly and wonders why the bed is so

lumpy, until he feels that its also breathing. He opens his eyes to see the curve of Blaines chin and last

nights events come rushing back. The nightmare, the wedding, his temporary insanity and grand plan to hide away in Ohio until he gets his memory back - it all seems ridiculous in the light of day, and hes returning to bed on his own. embarrassed when he realizes that Blaine must have found him on the sofa, because he doesnt remember Hey, Blaine says quietly, and Kurt shifts to turn his eyes up. They burn a little at the movement and he you feeling? Apparently not.

wonders if theyre as red as they feel, wonders if he was done crying before Blaine found him. How are - 122 -

Contents Morning, Kurt responds, pressing a brief kiss to Blaines jaw. I - better. It was silly. Dont worry. (Of course Im happy. Were happy.) Are you sure? You were...

Had a nightmare, Kurt says simply, rolling off of Blaine and propping himself up on an elbow, giving pulls back with a small smile. Im fine. Blaine a look that he hopes translates to please drop it. He leans down and kisses the corner of his mouth,

It was more than a nightmare, Blaine thinks, if the way Kurt was whimpering and sobbing and clutching at him is anything to go by, but he can hear the anxious note in his voice so he lets it go. shorts and a t-shirt. Do you have time for breakfast before you go to work? Kurt asks as he stands, pulling on a simple pair of Not going in, actually, Blaine says, stretching his arms above his head. He was planning to, but he wants to stay close to home after last night because hes pretty sure Kurt isnt as fine as he claims. Hell either come to Blaine on his own, or everything will boil over and hell break down. Either way, Blaine will be ready.

Ok. Im cooking. Blaine retrieves his laptop from where its half under the bed as Kurt leaves; he knows been...distracting, and he never got to it. bottom:

he has a ton of email to get through, had intended to look through everything last night but then Kurt had Theres a message from his mom, a list of links to amnesia and memory loss books with a note at the I didnt want to be presumptuous, but if any of these look like they might be useful to you, say the word and Ill have them shipped. Love to you and Kurt, Mom.

- 123 -

Contents The books have titles ranging from clinical to sappy, things like Myths About Memory: Post-Traumatic been trying to help in small, unobtrusive ways, sending him articles and contact info for neurologists shes touched base with, just in case. The next email is from his father, followed by two from his fathers friend John. Blaine,

Amnesia and Recovery and Hello Again and Blaine shakes his head and flags it to look over later. Shes

John left a message saying that negotiations are over - wont be surprised if this arrives with a similar email from him. Have sent him a nice bottle of scotch in appreciation. Understand that youre swamped, but when you get time, pass along your own thanks; hes logged a lot of hours and wont accept a dime. Call your mother with an update. Dad Call your mother has been his fathers way of reaching out since he left for college, of communicating negotiations and Blaine knows now why he vaguely recognizes the name. His father will never be Burt Hummel, but hes been trying to help in his own way. -----

that hes still interested, curious even, but cant bring himself to ask. Everything clicks into place at

Day 6 Son. A hand, heavy but soothing, lands on his shoulder at the word, and Blaines eyes snap up from where theyve been fixed on Kurts unmoving hand under his. Take a walk with me. Hes reticent to thanks and lets himself sink into the support. leave, to move at all, but Carole nods encouragingly and he stands with a sigh. He startles a little when his dad wraps a bracing arm around his waist, but he can feel himself swaying on his feet so he mumbles his

His parents had arrived the day before, once Burt called to update them that this wasnt going to be over anytime soon, although hed seen little of his dad. He is steered to a chair down the hall from Kurts room - 124 -

Contents with a muttered Maybe a walk is a bad idea from his dad and he blinks heavily at him when theyre both seated. I know youre not in the mood, but we need to talk about some logistics. John - you remember John, a far too expensive dinner once in a while. Hed come to the wedding.

right? Blaine nods; hed been checking up on them since Blaine started college, taking him and Kurt out to

He offered to handle the legal side of this; he wants to file a suit against the city. Is that alright with you? A suit? Blaine asks. His brain is sluggish, the words not meaning what they should. especially with John in control.

A lawsuit, Blaine. Kurt got hit by a city cab committing a moving violation. Youll get a settlement;

Fine. Whatever. I dont care about--

I know, Blaine. I know, his dad says in a softer voice, laying a hand on his knee. I know you dont care about anything past Kurt right now, and you dont have to. Thats why I want you to let John handle it, doesnt even register anymore. We had these drawn up yesterday. You need to give him power of attorney for you and Kurt, alright? Ill take them back to his office. alright? He pulls a small stack of papers from the briefcase Blaine is so used to seeing him carry that it

Blaine signs without reading; he trusts his dad with these things, knows he would find everything in order if his brain were capable of processing anything right now. They stand again and hes led back to Kurts for a second, squeezes lightly before the man disappears back into the hallway. room, falling back into his chair. His dads hand falls on his shoulder again and he covers it with his own Blaine opens the next message, wondering what John has managed to negotiate. Hed completely forgotten loans.

about it, honestly, so any kind of settlement is an unexpected surprise. Maybe they can go on a small trip before the school year starts; maybe he can convince Kurt to use the money instead of taking out student Blaine,

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Contents Everyone was very eager for this to be settled without a civil trial. The driver who hit Kurt had over a dozen complaints filed against him in the past 6 months but was still on the road. Hes since been terminated, and I was happy to help them sweep it under the rug. As long as the rug was made of cash. Formal paperwork is on its way to your apartment. Just sign off and shoot me a reply and Ill have a courier pick it up. I did my best. Your dad says you and Kurt are adjusting. I wish you didnt have to, but Im glad. If hes up for it, Id love to take you guys out to dinner sometime soon. Best, John The next email is short, and Blaine stands up as he reads it, still carrying his laptop. Blaine,

My guy says Kurt signed for the paperwork. Hope to hear from you soon. J Kurt? Did you sign for something yesterday? Blaine asks as he enters the living room, setting his computer on the coffee table as he scans the room. I got distracted. Yeah, its by the door, Kurt calls from the kitchen. I tried to tell you, but someone got a little handsy and Yeah, that was my fault, Blaine mutters, locating the manila envelope and unfastening the closure. He rifles through them; hell go over the details later, but his curiosity is piqued. He scans through a sea of numbers, parsed out into Medical Expenses and Pain and Suffering and Re-Education and a dozen throat, and sits down abruptly on the tile in the entryway. Kurt? other categories. When he reaches the total he drops the papers, hears a really ridiculous noise escape his

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Contents Blaine, Im trying to -- why are you on the floor? Kurt rushes over, kneeling next to Blaine and shaking him a little. We, um. The city just awarded us 1.9 million dollars.

Once his brain finishes processing, Blaine manages to explain everything; his dad and John and the quiet out of court negotiations he didnt even realize were occurring. He giggles helplessly throughout, talking front door. through hiccupped laughter until Kurt is laughing too, leaning against Blaine as they huddle against the They havent seen a single hospital bill, not even for the things that Blaine is absolutely positive insurance didnt cover, like the private room, and Blaine is pretty sure Leslie is to blame for that. So the money is...theirs.

$600,000 is earmarked specifically for reimbursement of lost education and anticipated re-education costs, and Blaine smiles at the relief on Kurts face. Leslie has offered (begged, really), multiple times, for relying on hidden knowledge and so he wants to go back to school and relearn everything. Hes been so dropped in his lap must ease his mind. him to return to his job, particularly after she saw the sketches he finished, but Kurt is uncomfortable adamant that he will pay for it on his own, figure everything out without any help, and to have this They talk all through breakfast, thinking up ways to spend some of the money. Charities and trips and top one out loud, just tucks it away and smiles at the warmth it creates in his chest. play during the week, sending texts to each other as they go about their days. When were rich Im buying a falcon. Seriously, Blaine? With a hat. Youre not keeping a falcon in the apartment. A whole group of them. With matching hats. - 127 -

of the line appliances theyd refused to splurge on. Blaine thinks about another wedding, when its time,

the dream honeymoon they definitely couldnt afford the first time around, but he doesnt mention that As the weekend progresses, the possibilities get more ridiculous, fantastical, and it becomes a game they

Contents --When were rich Im taking pastry classes and perfecting my tarts. I will begrudgingly be your taste tester. Set aside money for the liposuction I will inevitably need. --When were rich Im buying a pair of peacocks. Theyll roam freely around the estate. We dont have an estate. Well get one. So you can have peacocks but I cant have a falcon? Peacocks are fancy. WELL WE CAN GET THE FALCON A FANCY HAT, KURT -----

Blaine shakes his umbrella out before he enters the lobby, grimacing as another crack of thunder practically shakes the building. Its only 4pm but the sky is dark with storm clouds, making everyone hustle through the streets as they lament their outdoor plans for the evening.

Happy Wednesday, Blaine mutters, frowning when he has to wrench the mailbox open. He knows Kurts

been sending away for college brochures, but he didnt realize how many programs there were in New the elevator, and when he shuffles it for a better grip, he catches sight of a familiar red and white logo and his heart drops. Kurt appears in the hallway when Blaine closes the front door, sketchbook tucked under his arm. Hey, Whats this? Oh-- His voice drops when he sees Ohio State University emblazoned across the cover.

York, apparently, because theyre still coming. He finally frees the mail, sorting through it as he waits for

you, he smiles, moving toward Blaine. Blaine stops him once hes in reach, holds out the stack of books. I must have missed a text, Blaine says quietly, staring somewhere in the middle distance but definitely not at Kurt. Where you said When were rich Im leaving you. Blaine, I--

No, Blaine interrupts. His voice is low, jaw set and trembling a little with how tightly hes clenching it,

and when he finally looks at Kurt his eyes are as dark and wet as the sky through the window framing him.

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Contents He just keeps saying it, shaking his head rapidly and he starts pacing in a wide circle. No, no, no. His hands are fisted at his sides, knuckles white with the pressure when he finally stops and rounds on Kurt. Why? There are a lot of things Kurt wants to say. I panicked and It was stupid and I forgot I even requested something in Kurt cracks too, and all that comes out is Im scared. those and I dont want to leave But Blaines voice is thick with emotion and when it cracks on his question,

Its not what he means to say. Its a nothing excuse, even in his own ears and certainly to Blaine, so the Youre scared? Youre scared? he asks, like he doesnt understand the words. Not scared enough to talk derisive scoff he gets in response doesnt surprise him, but before he can start again, Blaine speaks.

to me about it, apparently. He runs his hands through his hair, fingers catching on the damp curls as he pulls. You think Im not scared? Kurts never seen Blaine like this, never anything but sweet and kind and hears is the condescension in his tone, the judgment, and it makes him bristle. patient, but right now hes like another person, and Kurt knows that hes hurt and confused but all he Not scared enough to talk to me about it, apparently, he mimics, crossing his arms over his chest. You just tiptoe around trying not to startle poor little Kurt with his broken leg and his broken brain. He can hear how bitter he sounds and everything in him is screaming to stop, to shut his mouth, but he cant. Playing the hero.

Im not - Blaine falters, face falling a little before he visibly shifts it into something cooler, more detached. So, what, youre just biding your time? Waiting til your leg is healed and the money comes through and what? Running away? Were you even going to TELL me? How could you - without - I dont somewhere between sobbing and yelling, still tugging at his hair, starting again, louder, every time Kurt tries to talk. I didnt want you to have to wait for me! Im in love with you and youre just leaving-- Blaines frantic now, voice rising until hes caught

Theyre both quiet, the silence deafening after Kurts screamed admission. Hes breathing hard, like Blaine is, and even though theyre standing still it feels like hes been running - 129 -

Contents Im not waiting, Kurt, Blaine says, voice still hard and hes still yelling a little, but he sounds so tired, suddenly. This isnt waiting. This is - this is what we are now. He stops for a second, a choked noise thats probably supposed to be a laugh dying in his throat, and when he speaks again its softer. When we got werent about the dramatics and the extremes, that what was important was everything in between, the boring and the annoying and the mundane little details. The everyday. married, you were really picky about the wording of the vows. You didnt want as long as we both shall live or til death do us part; it had to be every day for the rest of our lives because you insisted that we

He starts walking toward Kurt and Kurt sighs with relief, opens his arms a little in anticipation, wants to just hold on and spill every thought and worry and fear into the sweet curve of Blaines neck and make him do the same and just admit that they have no idea what theyre doing and work from there. back over his shoulder just enough for Kurt to catch a corner of his eye. This is the everyday, Kurt. This is what I want. I thought you did too. The door closes before Kurt can say anything.

Blaine walks past Kurt, retrieving his keys from the bowl. He stops with his hand on the doorknob, looking

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Contents

Part Eight
Kurt doesnt notice when he starts moving, not until hes perched on the side of the armchair, staring at taking a walk, that hell be back soon and they can talk.

the phone in his hands, willing it to ring. He waits for a call, even a text from Blaine saying hes cooling off, Kurt thinks of what he wants to say, what he actually wants to say, and not what will just fly out of his word. He thinks he can make Blaine understand. The phone doesnt ring. mouth with no forethought or insight; how he can explain what hes scared of and not just hide behind the

An hour later and hes still on the chair, turned toward the front door and jumping at every noise that enough for him to get a word in, and it makes him cringe. Hed been immature and snippy and he just wishes Blaine wouldve given him a second to gather his thoughts and catch his breath instead of shouting to find Blaine and bring him home. He glares at the phone in his hands. The phone doesnt ring. his assumptions and walking out. Kurt has no idea where Blaine went, if he even had a destination in

doesnt end in the door opening. He thinks about what he actually said, the few times Blaine slowed down

mind, and wishes for the hundredth time tonight that he could remember so he would know where to go

Another hour and hes pacing, trying to get angry; figures it must feel better than the ball of anxiety in his

stomach. He thinks about Blaines reaction when hed admitted fear, the dismissal. But no; hed been scared, hurt and lashing out, and Kurt gets that because he does the same thing, had done the same thing no guidebook for dealing with this. And Blaine has been so brave and so supportive and Blaine had said he was in love with him. to Blaine. Hes not angry, cant force himself to be; theyre both lost and confused and scared and there is

Kurt sits down on the sofa, tilts sideways until he falls back onto the cushions. He doesnt know if Blaine meant him or him, but hes not completely sure he cares, and the lines between those people blur a little more each day as it is. He thinks about actually leaving Blaine, packing up and moving to a different state in some sad attempt at martyrdom and it seems even more ridiculous than it had before. Not waking up to - 131 -

Contents Blaines face every morning, falling asleep wrapped up in him every night and how could he ever go without that, now that hes lived it? He waits for the wave of doubt to hit him. How can he be settled on something, on someone when he really

hasnt known anything else? But he thinks of Blaine, telling him stories from his - their - past; taking him on a picnic in Central Park; standing in the shower in those awful board shorts, just to make Kurt never expected to find. How couldnt he want Blaine, want to stay with him? comfortable, make him smile. Blaine, who is smart and sweet and gorgeous and so many things that Kurt Hes still scared of a hundred things. That Blaine will get frustrated and give up; that he will, himself. That whatever it was that convinced him to take Blaines hand that first night in the hospital and every time handle than the reality of living without Blaine.

Blaine will miss their old life too much and resent him for it. But watching him today (and god how he since, something tells him it wont happen. And the possibility that they wont be happy is much easier to He wants to stay. Wants to try. He just has to get out of his own way. He lets his eyes close for a moment as phone and types out a quick message. He has to find Blaine before he can do anything else. Please let me know youre ok. Ill be here. The phone doesnt ring.

wishes it hadnt taken Blaine in tears to calm his fears), Kurt isnt scared, not of those things. Something,

he settles further into the couch. He feels lighter now that hes really decided, and smiles as he picks up his

Blaine isnt surprised by the shocked look on Rachels face when she opens the door to her apartment; he out walking around if shes home now.

knows he must be a mess. He realizes that she must have had a show tonight, wonders how long he was Blaine? she asks, confused, as she rubs a towel through her hair. Her eyes narrow and when she speaks

again its more frantic. Blaine, youre crying, whats wrong? Are you hurt? Is something wrong with different answers but he doesnt know any of them.

Kurt? She grabs his arm, pulling him inside as he just shakes his head because all of those questions have

Blaine, talk to me, Rachel demands, steering him toward a chair at the kitchen table. - 132 -

Contents Kurts leaving, he croaks, starting to cry again as he buries his face in his hands.

Rachel shushes him, pets his wet hair as he relays the evenings events into his crossed arms on the table, talking through shuddering breaths. Everything feels so jumbled already, after a few hours (4 hours. How did he walk around the city for 4 hours?) and it feels like hes telling someone elses story, its so surreal. She listens, stays silent except for sympathetic nonsense when his breath hitches, then pulls him up and going to feel better until youre less disgusting and I think you need to think over what you just told me). ushers him to the bathroom (I cant tell whats rain, whats sweat, and whats tears, Blaine. Youre not When he emerges, feeling admittedly better but smelling a disturbing amount like Rachel, his emergency pajamas are folded on the sink. Hes glad that the three of them engage in frequent enough impromptu back toward the kitchen theres Rachel, leaning against the kitchen counter with her arms crossed in a very Kurt-like manner. sleepovers for emergency pajamas to exist. He pulls on the soft sleep pants and t-shirt and when he pads

Pick your poison, she says, gesturing to the table, where theres a bottle of vodka, a pint of ice cream, and grabbing the tea as she follows behind him.

a steaming mug of tea laid out in a row. He grabs the ice cream and Rachel nods to the living room, Does Kurt know youre here? she asks, and Blaine shakes his head. He vaguely remembers dropping his

phone in a puddle and not caring enough to pick it up. He doesnt think Kurt wants to hear from him, anyway, not after the way hed yelled and steamrolled over him. Rachel clucks her tongue in send him home when hes ready.) before she turns back to him. admonishment, grabbing her phone from the table and typing a message (Blaines at my place. Hes ok. Ill Do you remember the fight you guys had at Thanksgiving during your senior year? Rachel asks. Blaines eyes immediately light in recognition and he groans. Kurt found the Berkeley catalog under my desk and flipped out, Blaine sighs. And why did you request it? Curiosity. And?

- 133 -

Contents And because I panicked for 5 minutes that we were going to break up and I wasnt going to be able to handle being in New York with him. And did you ever plan to actually go to California? Rachel asks, leaning forward to steal Blaines spoon and popping a bite of ice cream into her mouth. No.

Sounds familiar, she smiles around the spoon. Sweetie. If youd let him explain, Im sure there was a reason. Hes overwhelmed. And didnt you say he was having nightmares? Last week, Blaine nods. If he wants to go...I - Im not going to stop him. It just never crossed my mind. I

love him. This him. Every him. He falls sideways, head landing in Rachels lap. Im sorry I barged in on your night.

I was madly, passionately in love with you for upwards of 72 hours in 2011, Rachel says, one hand forehead.

returning to Blaines hair while she holds the other to her forehead. That gives you free reign to barge in and demand therapy forever. Blaine giggles a little, rolling his eyes, and Rachel ducks down to kiss his You overreact, she says simply. You both do. Kurt knows that. Blaine freezes in her lap before sitting upright quickly. No, he doesnt. I need to go.

Blaine regrets leaving his phone in that puddle. He wants to call him, hear his voice and remember that hes real. He wills the cab to go faster, even though there isnt much traffic and the driver is already speeding. He throws too much money at the driver and slams the door too hard behind him. reaches their floor and runs down the hall, stopping short when he gets to their door. Hes scared to go in.

The elevator is at the top floor so he flings the stairway door open, taking the steps two at a time. He

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Contents He has his keys, should just walk in and find Kurt and hold onto him and talk and listen until everything knocks, short, hard raps of his knuckles, and hopes that Kurt can hear him.

makes sense, but he cant. He walked out, before, and it seems presumptuous to walk back in. Instead he The door opens sooner than Blaine expected and Kurt stands before him. His eyes are red, just a little cheek that he always gets when he falls asleep on the couch. Hes beautiful.

swollen, and squinting against the light of the hallway. Hes still in his clothes and theres a crease on his Hi, Blaine says quietly, because its as good a place to start as any. He waits for Kurt to say something, anything, but hes silent, just staring. Finally, and still without a word, Kurt holds out his hand. Blaine takes it.

Hes immediately pulled into Kurts arms, falling against his chest as their arms automatically wrap around each other. Blaine buries his face in Kurts neck as he tightens his hold, exhales shakily as he feels finally speaks. Hi. Kurt do the same. They stand in the doorway and breathe together for what feels like forever before Kurt

Blaine doesnt realize hes moving until his lips catch the corner of Kurts and he pulls back just enough to same time, resting their foreheads together. Im sorry, Blaine breathes.

fit their mouths together properly, a simple slide of lips that feels like everything. They pull back at the

I love you, Kurt says. Blaine tenses, shocked to hear the words hes been missing for months, and Kurt pulls back just a little before Blaine tightens his hold again, keeping him there. dont its ok, but I still do. Love you. I - you said before that youre in love with me - and I - am, too, I think. I know, I mean. And if you actually I love you, too, Blaine smiles, and its Kurt who leans in this time for a brief brush of lips. - 135 -

Contents Its hard to stop talking after that, the words like a dam bursting as they tumble onto the sofa. Kurt tells the college catalogs, was just as blindsided as Blaine.

Blaine about the nightmares, the wedding video and ensuing panic and how he really had forgotten about I dont want to go to Ohio, Kurt says finally, squeezing Blaines hand.

You can, though, Blaine responds. You can do whatever you want. Ill go with you. Or you can go alone. No, Blaine, Kurt sighs. No. I want to be here. Why would I go to Ohio? I hate Ohio.

Its Blaines turn to talk, then. He tells Kurt how close they were to losing him, how hes so terrified of losing Kurt that the thought of him just disappearing one day floored him, made him go crazy. Kurt holds his hand, strokes his arm, lets Blaine finally be something other than sweet and patient and brave. We dont have to be happy like we were in the video, Blaine says softly, smiling a little at Kurts confused expression. Well be a new kind of happy. Well make new memories. A new life. I just...want you with me, for as long as youll stay. Im staying.

They crawl into bed as the sun comes up, kissing lazily as they settle into the pillows. Kurt pulls at Blaines Blaine, he whispers against his lips, and Blaine hums in acknowledgement. Can we - will you... he trails shirt until Blaine is half on top of him, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding him close.

off, and Blaine can feel his cheek warming under his palm. He lifts up onto his elbow and peers down at Kurt, who is looking away. can barely hear him. Make love to me.

What is it? Anything, Kurt, Blaine prods, kissing him lightly. When Kurt speaks again, its so quiet Blaine

Blaine almost laughs, because Kurt has never said Make love to me and kept a straight face, but when Kurt finally looks up, his eyes are wide and wet with nerves and excitement. Blaine exhales sharply - 136 -

Contents through his nose, busies himself pressing fleeting kisses to Kurts cheeks while he gathers his thoughts. Hes learned, tonight, how harmful knee jerk reactions can be, and he absolutely cannot screw this up. Because they made up? Because they said I love you? Kurt, he breathes. We dont have to just because... Because what, he isnt sure. Because they fought? I know, Kurt says, craning his neck a little to catch Blaines lips again. I - I want to. Ive...wanted to. When

we...Ive thought about it. Hes still speaking so quietly, turned into Blaines neck so Blaine cant see his

face. Blaine knows what Kurt isnt saying; knows his own hands have started wandering unconsciously when hes going down on Kurt, fingers slipping further and further back until Kurt gasps and flinches away on instinct and Blaine has to pull off for a second to murmur apologies into the skin of his thighs. Kurt isnt - wasnt - ready for anything more and thats fine, it took them a while the first time around, too, ever managed. with Blaine generally acting as guinea pig, excitement outweighing his anxiety just a little more than Kurt You dont have to prove anything, Blaine whispers into his ear, kissing his earlobe to punctuate his overheating, himself.

words. Kurt just nods, and his face is still so warm against Blaines neck even though Blaine feels like hes I love you, Kurt says, and when Blaine pulls away, Kurts grinning a little around the words When he thrust of his own.

leans up to kiss Blaine again, Blaine can feel the curve of his lips. I want you. Another kiss. Please.

Blaine nods even as their mouths meet again, groaning as Kurt rocks up into his hip and answering with a Kurt starts tugging at Blaines shirt again, trying to pull him closer, and Blaine resists only long enough to reach out blindly, groping in the drawer of his nightstand until his fingers close around a bottle. He shoves reaching up to kiss his forehead, the tip of his nose, his chin, before returning to his lips. it under the pillow for later because he knows hes not going to want to be any further away from Kurt than absolutely necessary. He finally acquiesces to Kurts pulling, settling himself fully on top of him and

Blaine takes his time undressing Kurt, lavishing attention on each inch of newly revealed skin. Kurt may right places to touch and lick and bite to make Kurt fall apart, and hes been holding out on a few of them. when he remembers how he found that spot purely by accident the first time they did this and how hes

not fully know his own body, mostly just what Blaine has revealed to him so far, but Blaine knows all the Hes rewarded with a sharp gasp when he scrapes his teeth along the bottom of one of Kurts ribs, smirks - 137 -

Contents used it to his advantage ever since. Kurt pulls him back up with an insistent hand in his hair, yelping when Blaine rolls them suddenly and grins up at him. Kurts hands on him arent as sure as they have been recently, hesitant in light of this new step as he looks button and zipper easily and pushing his jeans and boxers down as far as he can reach.

down at Blaine with bright eyes. Blaine catches his shaking fingers as they fumble against his jeans, lifting his hand to press a kiss to each fingertip before returning it to the button and Kurt smiles, releasing the

Blaine kicks them the rest of the way off before bending his knees and hooking his toes into the waistband of Kurts boxers, pushing them off as well. He settles his hands on Kurts hips, pulling him down until Kurt is flush against him and moaning into his neck as their cocks slide together. Kurt grinds down again, finger across Kurts entrance. whining a little as Blaine squeezes his ass, letting one of his middle fingers trail into the crack, lightly stroking back and forth, moving a little further each time. He feels Kurt tense as he ghosts the pad of his Ok? Blaine asks, and Kurt squeezes his eyes shut for a second before opening them and nodding.

Yeah, Kurt says, his voice a little hollow with how dry his throat sounds. Blaine brings his free hand up to

cup Kurts cheek, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss as he rocks his hips up and his finger rubs in small circles, just getting him used to the feeling while Blaine tries to reign himself in. He wants nothing more than to press in, work Kurt open and slide inside; even the thought has his balls tightening just enough to Kurts hip until he comes, just to take the edge off, against the possibility of ruining the mood. bring him back to reality. It feels like hes the teenager here, and he weighs the benefit of rutting against Hold on, Blaine says after a minute, wrapping his arms around Kurts shoulders and waist and rolling palms the bottle, his other hand skating down Kurts body, and gives Kurt a parting kiss before he starts to slide down, mouthing along the lines of his stomach until he reaches his dick. He sucks the head into his head with the movement of Kurts hips.

them smoothly so hes on top again; if he doesnt keep things moving theyre going to come just like they were, and thats wonderful, but its not what he wants, now that theres a chance for something more. He

mouth as he flicks open the cap of the lube and pours some out in a blind, practiced motion, bobbing his Blaine traces his slick fingers down the base of his cock, across his balls, stops to press against his perineum, massaging a little as Kurt chokes above him, his hips giving a sharp thrust into Blaines mouth. - 138 -

Contents Kurt tenses when he slides further down, once again resting a finger against his entrance and making a questioning noise in his throat. Can you-- Kurt gasps, vaguely gesturing between Blaine and himself. Up here? He paws at Blaines to the head, resting his chin on Kurts hip and looking up at him.

shoulder with weak hands, too loose to put any force behind it. Blaine pulls off his dick with a parting kiss I was going to... he trails off, brushing his lips across the head again. Distract you. It might hurt. It probably will hurt, Blaine knows. Kurt is nervous, and even outside of that it really has been months. Hes down at him with a bemused smile. going to be tight; Blaine tries not to visibly react to the thought, focuses instead on the way Kurt is looking Distract me up here? he asks, pulling at Blaines shoulder again, and Blaine slides back up until he can work his arm under Kurts neck and prop himself up on his elbow, molded against Kurts side. Bend your knees, he says softly, pressing his lips to Kurts temple as Kurt adjusts. Blaine rubs across his hole, more pressure and longer strokes now that theres lube and Kurt is loose-limbed and panting into the air. He pushes in slowly, stopping at the first knuckle when Kurt clenches around him.

Shh, he mumbles against Kurts skin. You have to relax. Breathe. Ive got you. He leans down and kisses Kurt again until he feels him relax under his lips and around his finger and starts to push in again, focusing on peppering kisses across his face and not on the heat enveloping him (so tight, and thats just one finger). Kurt sighs when Blaine bottoms out, shifting his hips a little, and Blaine moves his own hips back, away Move and taking deep, purposeful breaths as Blaine complies.

from the too tempting curve of bone and soft skin at Kurts waist. Kurt nods after a second, mumbling

Blaine rubs against Kurts prostate through the move to two, laughing at the way it makes him writhe and inside.

accepting the half-hearted slap he earns; sucks a deep bruise into the hollow above his collarbone at three and kisses him hard, biting at his lips and sucking Kurts tongue into his mouth as he spreads his fingers

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Contents Blaine knows its time when Kurt is rocking down onto his hand, legs spreading wider as he stops kissing Blaine and starts just breathing into his mouth, but he has to know, has to be sure. Ready? he asks, kissing Kurts slack mouth until he seems to come back to awareness, his eyes opening. Theyre still a little his fingers stutter and still. Blaine moves at Kurts quiet, hoarse Yes, gently sliding his fingers free and trying to roll. smiling when Kurt twitches, settling on his knees between Kurts legs and stilling him when Kurt starts Shouldnt I - on my knees? Its easier, I read, Kurt mumbles, an embarrassed blush joining the flush him, so he holds his tongue. anxious but its almost entirely eclipsed by the lust, the love that almost knocks Blaine breathless, makes

traveling down his chest, and Blaine cant believe that hes embarrassed by that when Blaines fingers

were just in his ass. He wants to say just that, see how red Kurt can get, but he wants more to be inside of I want to see you, Blaine says, grabbing a pillow and tapping Kurts hip so he can slide it under. Itll be ignore how good even this small amount of friction feels because otherwise he is not going to make it (its as he just barely feels the muscle fluttering around him and--

ok, I promise. He pours what is probably too much lube into his hand, slicking up his cock and trying to been months). He wraps one hand around Kurts thigh, gently pushing his legs further apart, and holds the base of his cock in the other, pressing the head against Kurts entrance and fighting to keep his eyes open Wait! Kurt exclaims suddenly, voice sharp and too loud when everything else has been whispered and tears.

gentle. We need a condom. Blaine grimaces for a split second before pulling back and returning his face

to something neutral, patient, something less like he is about to disintegrate into an erection and a pile of He knows there are no condoms in this apartment.

Theyd given them up back in college, when they had no money and were having so much sex that they isnt a tactful way to explain that, not right now.

were going to have to give up either condoms or coffee and, well, nothing gets between Kurt and his

coffee. They could afford both, eventually, but by then theyd come to kind of enjoy the mess, but there We, um, Blaine starts, thinking about how there was definitely a better time to discuss this and trying apart until he has to consciously remove them. We dont use condoms. We havent for a long time.

not to whine too much. His hands keep drifting down over Kurts ass, squeezing and pulling the cheeks - 140 -

Contents Blaine. Kurt sounds a little scandalized, a little scared, and maybe (hopefully) a little intrigued, so Blaine tries to capitalize, leans forward to kiss him quickly before trailing to speak into Kurts ear. kisses below his ear. For either of us. Again. Itll feel amazing, I promise. Trust me, Blaine says, voice low in the way that makes Kurt shiver. Theres never been anyone else. He O - ok, Kurt stutters, squirming and lifting his hips a little to rut against Blaines stomach, and its like Blaines just been granted three wishes, but he only has one. He sits back up, guides the head of his dick to where Kurt is open and waiting, and starts to push forward. Kurt gasps, but he doesnt tense and he and hurt Kurt and he doesnt want that even more desperately than he wants to bury himself inside. He fights to keep still, watching for signs of pain. doesnt tell Blaine to stop, so Blaine keeps going, so, so slowly because otherwise hes going to shove in slides in until his balls rest against Kurts ass, both hands clenched in the pillow under Kurts hips as he Kurt is quiet, bottom lip trapped between his teeth and neck straining as he breathes harshly through his

nose. Blaine leans forward again, holding himself up on shaking arms and trying not to move too much but biting back a groan at how the angle shifts him just a little deeper and makes Kurts breath hitch. He pulls kisses. Kurts lip out from his teeth and kisses him gently, keeps his mouth soft and wet as he talks between I love you so much. You feel so perfect. I know its weird, but even if you dont remember, your body does, Kurt is hotter and tighter than he even remembered, but it seems to do the trick, because Kurt opens his Stay here, Kurt says quietly, and Blaine smiles as he pulls his hips back just a little before sinking back in. He sees Kurts eyes actually roll back in his head so he takes it as a green light, pulling out further each eyes and takes a deep breath as he nods.

ok? Just listen to it. Hes not sure if hes talking to comfort Kurt or to keep himself from coming, because

time but not moving any faster or harder. He remembers the first time Kurt was inside of him, the first time theyd gotten this far, how strange it was to feel so full; how it had shaken him because it was Kurt, just Kurt all around him and in him and he almost couldnt breathe with it. Kurts head is tilted all the way move breaks Kurts silence. back on the pillow, staring blankly at the headboard as his mouth works around words that arent coming,

so Blaine takes the opportunity to duck down and suck at the tender skin just below his chin, and the

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Contents Blaine, Kurt whines, reaching up to grip at Blaines biceps as he keeps moving in smooth, deliberate rolls Blaine drops to his elbows with a breathless Yes, fucking into him harder as Kurt runs his hands over his shoulders, drags fingernails down his back, grabs his ass and tries to pull him closer. His hands keep lifting his hips, and Blaine buries his face in Kurts neck with a growl. traveling the circuit, mapping each muscle, each knob of Blaines spine as they slip and catch in the sweat beading on his back, and Blaines entire body is tingling in their wake. Kurt meets Blaines next thrust, His eyes slip closed and he jerks forward even harder, once, before forcing them back open and easing up, straddling the line between harder and too much; he has to keep his eyes on Kurt, remember why hes here and not just the hot-tight-perfect grasp of Kurts ass on his cock. That Kurt has trusted him this far, pushed past his fear and uncertainty every step of the way because he trusts Blaine to guide him and take panicked Nononono snaps him out of it and he twists his hips on a particularly hard roll in. care of him. The thought makes him lose his rhythm, still for a moment before Kurts high, almost Hes not sure how long they stay like that, Blaine letting Kurts moans and whimpers guide his movements of his hips. H-harder.

as he listens to the steady slap of skin on skin, but Blaine feels himself get far too close to the edge without down Kurts thighs as he grabs at the air where Blaine was. He hooks Kurts uninjured leg over his earnest again when Kurts knee is pressed to his chest. shoulder, holding his gaze and leaning back down slowly to let him adjust to the stretch, thrusting in Ohmygod Blaine, Kurt yells when the change in angle makes Blaine hit his prostate directly. His hands make Kurt yell again and revels in the sound as he stares down at him. Hes red all the way down to his but lean down and kiss him until Kurt forcibly pulls away.

warning and slows down, pulling up onto his knees as he thrusts shallowly and running his hands up and

are clenched in the sheets, slowly twisting the fabric, and Blaine keeps the angle, thrusts harder just to stomach, hair sticking out from where hes been grabbing it, lips swollen and red, parted in a little O as his eyes dart around the room like they cant focus. He finally meets Blaines eyes, awed, and Blaine cant help Blaine - I need - Im so c-clo, Kurt stammers, shaking a little. Blaine shifts his weight onto one arm, reaching down to wrap his other hand around Kurts cock as he lets himself speed up, and it only takes muddled cry of something that is probably supposed to be Blaines name. two strokes before Kurt is curling up into Blaines shoulder, coming between them with a shocked, - 142 -

Contents Blaine hasnt said much, he realizes, has been limited to quiet groans and grunts, too intent on the sounds

coming from Kurt, the feel of his skin, his mouth, can barely breathe, let alone speak, but his own voice is pumping shallowly as he spills inside of him, forehead pressed to Kurts shoulder as he shudders.

suddenly too loud in his ears. Love you love you Kurt loveyou Kurrrrrt, he chants, snapping forward half

a dozen times before he presses in deep and stills. Kurt gives another weak cry as Blaine comes, hips Kurt rubs his hands in wide circles over Blaines back as he gives up and collapses onto Kurts chest, breathing heavily as they both shake with aftershocks. Kurt kisses his temple and he returns the action on the nearest patch of skin he can reach, somewhere that seems to be between his collarbone and nipple and tastes as delicious as the rest of him. He shifts a little, trying not to hiss when Kurt clenches around across his face. him and sliding out with a sigh. When he feels slightly more in control of his mouth and body he looks up, admiring the line of Kurts nose from this angle and the way the shadows from the morning sun play Hey, Blaine says quietly, bringing one hand up to Kurts jaw, pinky resting against his pulse like it always tends to lately. How are you feeling? Very, very sticky, Kurt says in a faint voice. Blaine snorts into his chest and Kurt swats weakly at his back as he giggles, helpless peals of laughter. Good, though? Blaine asks finally, gathering enough strength to prop himself up and look into Kurts eyes. He needs it to have been good, knows that Kurt believes what he says but needs him to understand what he feels, too.

when he continues, his hand coming up to mirror Blaines, thumb caressing a cheekbone and Blaine leans

My teeth are vibrating, Blaine, Kurt says dryly. I think its safe to say I feel good. His voice is softer

into the touch like hes drawing life force from it; he kind of is. It was wonderful, Blaine. I love you. I in, pressing a line of dry kisses along his jaw until he can swallow Kurts laughter. Hes missed this, how is wondering how quickly he can convince him to go again when he feels the back of Kurts hand bump Kurt looks contemplative and almost guilty, the flush that was just starting to recede returning to his confirmed. cheeks. His breath hitches as Blaine feels his wrist flex once underneath him and Blaines suspicions are against his hipbone. He glances down to where Kurts hand has disappeared and then back up to his face. goofy Kurt gets after a really good orgasm. Blaine mentally congratulates himself on Kurts dopey grin and

didnt know - I feel amazing. He pauses. And also sticky. Kurt starts to laugh this time and Blaine joins

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Contents Kurt, what ever are you doing? he teases, trying to sound scandalized through the grin spreading across his face. Interesting, Kurt murmurs as he pulls his hand back up, considering his fingers, now just a little slick with come. Blaine darts forward and sucks them into his mouth with a smirk, and if he licks around them longer than necessary, well, hes just being thorough; and Kurts wide eyes are worth it. Enough, enough, Kurt says finally, and Blaine lets go of his fingers with an obscene pop. Youre heavy. they head for the shower.

And I really want to shower. Come on. Blaine rolls off of him with a sigh, hopping up off the bed when Kurt starts toward the door, his legs shaking like a newborn foal. Blaine wraps an arm around his waist as

Its mid-afternoon when they wake up, still exhausted but too hungry to sleep any longer, and Blaine can ordered arrives.

barely work up the motivation to crawl into a pair of shorts and answer the door when the food they Blaine, Kurt says after he swallows a bite of food, scrunching his nose in thanks; Blaine likes feeding Kurt dont...I want to go on a few more dates before I wear it, but Id like - Id like to have it.

and Kurt doesnt seem very interested in moving more than absolutely necessary right now. Blaine hums

in response around his own bite, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Where is - do you have...my r-ring? I Blaine stands without a word, not sure he can actually speak anyway, and kneels next to the nightstand as

he opens his messenger bag. Its been there since a nurse brought it to him that first night, ready for Kurt to reclaim it. Hes been wearing its twin this entire time, couldnt bear the thought of taking it off even looking. Blaines always looking. when goodbye seemed more and more likely, and hes seen Kurt eyeing it when he thinks Blaine isnt Here, Blaine says, crawling back onto the bed and holding out his hand. A platinum band with five small fingers.

inlaid diamonds lays in his palm, and Kurt takes it gingerly, holds it like a baby bird as he turns it in his Its beautiful, Kurt breathes, and Blaine shifts closer, reaches out toward the ring.

You designed it, of course, Blaine says quietly. Each diamond is something we have been, or intend to be

together. He points at each diamond in turn as he continues. Best friends. Boyfriends. Fiancees. - 144 -

Contents Husbands. Fathers. His voice cracks on the last word and he clears his throat, lowering his hand as he stands, walking toward the small jewelry box on top of his dresser. He picks through it, finally retrieving a the box before he moves back to the bed.

blinks against the stinging in his eyes. Kurt makes a soft noise and drops a kiss on his shoulder before he long silver chain and pressing his mothers locket to his lips as he slips it off and lays it carefully back in Someday, he smiles at Blaine, threading the chain through the ring and offering the ends to Blaine. But until then. Blaine takes the chain carefully, reaching behind Kurt and clasping it around his neck. He Until then. ----ducks his head to kiss the ring where it lays against Kurts chest.

Blaine cant decide if he wants to wait, or just rut into the mattress until he comes, but with the way Kurts and its so good and he can just--

hands are clenched tight in his hair, guiding him up and down on his cock, the latter is seeming way more

likely. He gives in, grinding his hips down just as Kurt slides into his throat with a loud, shameless moan Thump thump thump thumpthumpthump Blaine, Kurt whines, somewhere between a warning and a question, and Blaine makes a dismissive noise in his throat as he swallows around him. THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP BLAINE? THUMPTHUMPTHUMP Blaine pulls off with a groan, pets Kurts thigh in apology before he stands up and finds the black shorts answer the door; he cant ignore a knock on the door, a ringing phone, not anymore.

Kurt had been wearing; theyll be a little looser on him, hopefully a little concealing, while he deals with

whatever is happening at the door. Kurts looking at him like he just betrayed state secrets, but he has to He trudges down the hall, hoping its the crazy old lady from upstairs or the maintenance people talking not to look like he was in the middle of sex.

about the elevator that broke down Saturday morning - something quick. He pulls open the door, trying - 145 -

Contents Hey, dude, sorry I didnt call, I wanted it to be a surprise, Finn pants, leaning against the doorframe.

Its Monday, Blaine says, like that means anything. Finns a teacher, too. Summer is fair game. I just - I then, too.

mean, the weekend, and all. Alright, so his brain has not yet caught up to the change in situation. To be

fair, it wouldnt have mattered if Finn had shown up over the weekend, he wouldve interrupted them I wanted to come up weeks ago but Mom and Burt convinced me to wait and I finally couldnt take it too? Wheres Kurt? him.

anymore so this morning I just...got in the car. Why are you breathing hard? Did you just run up the stairs, Yeah. Stairs. Ill, uh, Blaine says, voice hoarse and cracking as he pulls at the hem of his shorts. Ill go get Someone better have been on fire, knocking like that, Kurt says as Blaine slips back into the bedroom. Hes spread eagle on the bed, gloriously naked and shining with sweat and slightly trembling from the loss of contact, and Blaine tries to estimate how long Finn will wait quietly in the living room before coming to hes not sure, and walks over to Kurt, dodging the hand that tries to pull him down. Change of plans, Blaine says with a sigh. Your brothers here. investigate. Blaine, please get back here. Blaine bites his lip, whether to keep from laughing or crying,

Once theyre properly dressed and finished mourning the interruption (Blaine had offered to get Kurt off, promised he could be fast, but Kurt had been too mortified to even think about that with Finn in the next each other, and while Blaine loves that, could probably spend every day seeing no one but Kurt and still be content, hes missed everyone. room) its actually nice to see Finn. Theyve been so self-contained, mostly isolated from a world outside of

Finn is happy to spend the rest of the day accompanying them on errands as long as we get to go to the summer. He looks confused, then amused, as Blaine crouches down at the top of the stairs and Kurt climbs onto his back with a sigh. Blaine wont let me walk down the stairs, Kurt explains.

zoo tomorrow because its an end of summer tradition that Finn comes to New York and they spend the day at the zoo, and of course he would remember that even with everything else thats happened this

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Contents Do I need to remind you that were literally on our way to the appointment that determines whether or not you get to lose the cast altogether? Blaine asks as they start down the many, many flights of stairs. Do you really want to mess it up now? Think of the pants, Kurt.

The glorious pants, Kurt sighs in agreement, pressing a quick kiss to the back of Blaines neck. Blaine first started dating. He grins at Finn and he knows it looks goofy but Finn returns it all the same.

feels his face heat up at the curious look Finn shoots them, almost nervous like he was back when they Kurts x-rays come back clean, and he must pass whatever tests the physical therapist puts him through, folded skinny jeans out of his bag and unfurling them like a flag he very much wants to salute. Goodbye, horribly lopsided calves! Kurt cries as he and Blaine appear in the waiting room. ribs and artfully dodging his retaliation.

because he gets the ok to take the cast off, with the request that he be careful and promise to wear it if he goes above a four on the pain scale. Kurt almost manages to hide his scoff at that, pulling a pair of carefully

Come on. Lets take your lopsided calves and your brother to dinner, Blaine laughs, poking Kurt in the Blaine watches Finn watch them all through dinner, a quiet, bemused smile tugging up the corner of his way they really dont ever stop looking at each other. something.

mouth. Kurt is less affectionate than he has been, some ingrained self-defense mechanism kicking in out of

habit at Finns presence, but Blaine knows its impossible to miss the way Kurt leans into his touch, the Kurts in the shower getting the city smell he still hasnt adjusted to off of him when Finn finally says He seems happy.

He is, I think, Blaine says, eyes automatically drifting down the hall toward the closed bathroom door. Its been...there have been a few rough moments, but were getting there. I think hes happy. Are you happy? Of course.

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Contents Blaine, Finn says, because as much as he likes to play blissfully ignorant, hes perceptive in a way that never fails to startle Blaine. Its ok if its hard. You lost so much. I didnt, though, Blaine argues. I still have all of that up here, he points to his head. And in here, he new.

points to his heart. And Ill eventually manage to tell Kurt all of it, but in the meantime we have something I dont know how youre dealing with this, man. his face. Ive managed it twice now. -----

Its kind of a heady feeling, making Kurt Hummel fall in love with you, Blaine says, a grin creeping across

Blaine never expected the zoo to become a tradition.

It all started when Finn helped move Blaines things into the apartment before freshman year, when Finn scene.

had only been to New York a handful of times and was still overwhelmed by how much it was not his You dont even have like, animals, dude, hed said to Kurt. Isnt that like, one of the signs of a functional society or something? Kurt had been so exasperated that hed dragged Finn and Blaine onto the subway and taken them to the Bronx Zoo, spreading his arms wide and exclaiming, Look, Finn. Animals. join Finn in his antics, running around talking to the animals and giggling like a little kid. Kind of like he is right now. Finn had been delighted, of course, and Blaine had been almost as excited, but he hadnt expected Kurt to

Theyve been at the zoo for a few hours, weaving through families and alternating indoor and outdoor exhibits in hopes of brief respite from the unforgiving August sun, and while Kurt had been reserved at familiar to everyone but Kurt. first, it wasnt long before Finn was bodily dragging him closer to the animals, coaxing him into a game What that ones deal? Finn asks, pointing toward where a lemur is hanging morosely from a branch.

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Contents Ah, well, Kurt says with a sigh. Its tragic, really. See that girl over there? he points to another lemur on as he finishes, his giggles lilting over Finns deeper guffaw.

the other side of the enclosure. Ex-girlfriend. Walked in on her having sex with her boss. He broke up with her and she kept their goldfish out of spite. She doesnt even like the thing. Kurt bursts into laughter

Theyre halfway to the aviary when Kurt slows, then stops with a quiet hiss of pain. He shakes off Blaines questioning look, only to stop again a few steps later, leaning heavily on his good leg. Break time? Blaine asks, but Kurt shakes his head.

Theres a show in the aviary in 5 minutes. I dont want to miss it. Ill manage, Kurt insists, cringing just a little at his next step. Blaine tries to stop him again but Kurt narrows his eyes and he doesnt want to fight with that look. Blaines side.

Hop on, Finn says suddenly, tugging at Kurts arm. Kurt shrinks back, unconsciously tucking himself into No, its - its fine. If Im getting a piggyback ride, Blaine can do it, right?

Not if you want to go in the aviary, Blaine shakes his head, voice coming out higher than he intended. Finn laughs a little and Blaine levels a glare at him that seems to have absolutely no effect. Come on, Blaines scared of really big birds but Im not, and you dont wanna miss it, Finn insists, turning yelps and starting to walk again. little as possible.

his back toward Kurt. Blaine smiles encouragingly when Kurt glances at him and Kurt rolls his eyes as he

approaches Finn awkwardly. Finn grabs him under the knees and hoists him up, chuckling when Kurt This is embarrassing, Kurt mumbles, trying to keep his balance on Finns back while touching him as Nah, Finn shrugs, using the motion to hike Kurt higher up. This is embarrassing. He whinnies like a horse and sets off at a light gallop, and Blaine follows behind as Kurt shrieks and slaps at Finns head. Its really, really good to have you back, bro, Finn says in a sleepy voice as he settles into the sofa for the

night. He holds his fist out and Kurt considers it for a moment before bumping his own against it and

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Contents disappearing into the bedroom with a smile. Blaine turns off the lights and is almost to the hall when Finn speaks again. Its good to have you back, too.

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Contents

Part Nine
Its easy to move forward, once they decide to.

Finn leaves on Thursday. He hugs Kurt for a long time, too long even by old Kurts standards, but Kurt lets

him, holds onto him right back and sniffs a little when Finn finally pulls back. He wants to stay longer, as long as youll put up with me, but admits that he needs to get back and do all the lesson planning hes put summer. The zoo is the last fun thing I get to do, and then its weeks of class prep. off all summer. Blaine and Finn both have to assure Kurt that its not because of him; Finn does this every

The conversation makes Kurt think about school again, something hes actively avoided since the misunderstanding about Ohio, and a call to Leslie gives him everything he needs to form a plan. He emails a few of his old professors, the ones Leslie says basically brought Kurt to her on a platter.

Theyve all heard, of course, are more than happy to help, and by the end of the day he has a and not knowing he knows what hes doing. In the end he agrees to accept an internship, albeit paid and doing, but she sounds so pleased at the prospect of having him back that he doesnt argue.

recommended curriculum and permission to audit the classes. Leslie wants him to skip the whole thing with more responsibility and input and also with his old office. Kurt wants to tell her he knows what shes The day before marks six weeks since he woke up and Kurt admits that hed been hoping some sort of every other time he hasnt remembered.

and just come back to work, has faith in his abilities, but Kurt still feels strange relying on latent memory

karmic law of parallels would kick in and hed suddenly remember, but hes not crushed like he has been I havent lost hope, he says as they load the dishwasher after dinner. Its not that. Im just...

Not depending on it? Blaine offers, and smiles when Kurt nods, leans in to kiss his jaw. I get it.

Blaine has a lot of his own lesson planning to do, will be spending more time at the school once the next days of freedom. Its too hot and too crowded with late summer tourists in town on their own last hurrahs for new restaurants and boutiques and anything else that might be interesting. They spend a lot of time in

week starts in preparation for classes starting the following week, so they make the most of their last few to go anywhere too exciting, but they take the subway to random neighborhoods and go exploring, look - 151 -

Contents the park. They take pictures everywhere, then giggle over the memory cards when they go get them

printed.

I wonder if we can get this in poster size, Kurt asks as he looks at the only photographic evidence that he his head, chewing on a stray curl.

convinced Blaine to go into the aviary, a wide-eyed Blaine staring into the camera as a parrot perches on Youre cruel, Blaine pouts, but he cant hold the face when Kurt is smiling so brightly.

Blaine puts off his inevitable return to work until Tuesday, then oversleeps, ends up rushing around the He kisses Kurt quickly and takes his travel mug with a grateful smile. twice) when he hears a jingling.

apartment, stacks of sheet music under one arm and his messenger bag clumsily hooked over the other. Hes only made it halfway down the first flight of stairs (but has already cursed the still broken elevator Excuse me, Kurt calls. Blaine turns, sees Kurt a few steps above him twirling his forgotten keys around one finger and starts to say something, but Kurts eyes go wide and he chokes on his next breath. Blaine, he says, voice barely more than a breath but full of something so old, a familiarity that Blaine Blaine manages to speak, his voice cracks. Kurt?

hasnt heard in months. Blaines breath stops as their eyes meet, and its there, too. Recognition. When

Kurt nods mutely and Blaine drops everything, runs up the stairs and pulls Kurt into his chest with a sob as the keys clatter to the ground. Kurt - does this mean - are you - do you - say something, Blaine begs, framing Kurts face with his hands.

Kurts still staring at him with wide, shining eyes, and it takes him a minute, but he finally finds his voice. There you are.

Blaine uses his grip on Kurts face to pull him closer, lips crashing together and their lips move together in

the practiced ease of a decade, his mind echoes Kurt. There you are. Kurts shaking, or maybe thats him,

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Contents and its probably both but it doesnt matter because hes here in front of him and he has been all along but its different, now, different in the set of his shoulders and the knowledge in his eyes. He starts pushing Kurt backward, toward the apartment, hindered by his refusal to actually let go and untangle their limbs, but Kurt stops him with a gesture toward the mess on the stairs, ignoring his muttering. Thats a $500 bag, Blaine, youre not leaving it laying on the stairs. Blaine looks up and Kurts eyebrow is

raised, daring him to argue, and Blaine laughs, the bark of sound echoing in the empty stairway.

God Ive missed you, he giggles, gathering everything into a messy pile and juggling it back up the steps. He bumps into Kurt, bodily pushing him back to the hall and their front door as Kurt joins in his laughter. and burying his face in his neck, melting into it when Kurts arms go around his shoulders automatically. Youre - everything? Do you - what do you - everything? What-- Lets sit down. Blaine throws everything onto the floor again once theyre inside, wrapping his arms around Kurts waist

Shh, shh, Kurt mumbles, releasing his hold to rub wide circles across Blaines back. Im here, its alright. Dont wanna move.

Honey, youre trembling, come on, Kurt prods, walking backwards and taking advantage of the way

Kurt; he starts running his hands over every part of Kurt he can reach. Down the slopes of his shoulders, his eyes flit between his hands and Kurts face, making sure what hes seeing is real, and he cant stop muttering Youre here, youre here. me right now, ok?

Blaine is wrapped around him to pull him along. They fall onto the couch and Blaines arms fall away from

the length of his arms to his fingers. He grabs his hands and kisses each palm, runs too light a touch over

Kurts stomach and smiles when it makes him squirm, down his thighs to rest on his knees. All the while

Im here, Kurt confirms, lacing their fingers together on his knees. Blaine, look at me, I need you with Hi, Blaine says when his eyes meet Kurts again, his smile widening.

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Contents Hello.

Whats the capital of Nebraska? Blaine asks, and Kurt rolls his eyes.

Fine, Blaine interrupts, determined. Where did you live freshman year?

Thats not a good memory test, Blaine. Ive known the state capitals since I was seven. Im--

An awful apartment on third ave with a slow draining shower and an upstairs neighbor who tap danced, Kurt answers, wrinkling his nose before taking a deep breath and squeezing Blaines hands. I am a junior designer at Malcontego and my father has walked in on us having sex twelve times in the

past ten years. My first kiss was technically at age 15 with Brittany Pierce, or 16 with Dave Karofsky, but my first kiss that counted was at age 16 with one Blaine Anderson, Dalton Warbler lead soloist, and then doing housework in his underwear and was attacked by a swan on a camping trip at age nineteen and has never properly recovered. Satisfied? head down to rest on his shoulder. speaks. at age 14 on the top of the Empire State Building with Blaine Anderson-Hummel, who has a propensity for

Blaine nods wordlessly, sniffling quietly as Kurt shifts so their legs are pressed together and pulls Blaines Do you remember what happened? Blaine asks quietly, and he can feel Kurt shake his head before he I remember you yelling Love you back as I ran out the door, and then I woke up in the hospital with no fucking idea what was happening and was told I was married to this incredibly hot guy who was staring at me like I hung the moon.

Good, Blaine says, exhaling heavily. Im glad you dont - from what everyone says, it was bad. Kurt hums in acknowledgement and they sit, just breathing together. I am so, so sorry, Kurt says after a minute, untangling one of his hands to cup Blaines jaw, thumb grateful for everything you did these past few months. You are amazing. He kisses Blaines forehead. And I love you. Ducks to kiss his nose. And Im not leaving again. He shrugs a little, urging Blaine to sit up,

stroking across his forehead as Blaine grips his forearm. That you had to go through this. And I am so - 154 -

Contents and reaches back to unhook the chain around his neck, letting the ring fall into his palm and offering it to belongs. Every day.

Blaine. I promise Ill be here, he says, his hand shaking a little as Blaine slides the ring back where it Every day, Blaine repeats with a grin, letting Kurt pull him forward into another kiss. It turns desperate shorter but harder, making Blaines skin tingle.

immediately, and hes breathless with the way Kurt works his mouth open so easily, his skilled tongue making Blaines knees shake even though hes already sitting. He darts in over and over, kisses getting Need you, he mumbles against Kurts lips, and Kurt stands as he hums in agreement, not breaking

contact. His hands repeat what Blaines had been doing, running over the planes of Blaines body as he they hit the bed.

walks him toward the bedroom. Blaine starts pulling at Kurts clothes, then his, too frantic to actually accomplish anything, and other than one shoe and an arm out of a sleeve theyre still fully clothed when Let me, Kurt says, stilling Blaines hands where theyre fumbling against the buttons of his shirt. Kurt

sharp bite to his hipbone, cant fight the stinging in his eyes when Kurt lets his open mouth linger over his heart. Kurt, please, Blaine whines as he shifts restlessly on the bed, and he doesnt care how wrecked he Kurt as he traps him between his bent knees, pushing blindly at his shoulder. Now, now, now.

you and Im here and Im sorry into his skin. Blaine laughs when his nose tickles his stomach, chokes at a

rids himself of his own clothes quickly before turning his attention to Blaines, whispering I love

sounds, how desperate. There will be time for slow and sweet and lingering but he feels like hes falling

apart right now and Kurt is the only one who can put him back together. He finds the lube and shoves it at Blaine goes boneless at Kurts finger inside of him, starts asking for more before hes halfway in. Kurt

seems to get it, though, just kisses the inside of his thigh and adds another, compensating for the stretch with too much lube. Blaine starts tugging him back up after a minute, just far enough to roll them over so Kurts hands on his hips stop him. stretched, its been too long. hes straddling Kurt, reaching behind him to grab Kurts cock as he tries to sink down and whining when Honey, youre going to hurt yourself, Kurt pants, hips twitching up into Blaines grip. Youre not - not - 155 -

Contents Dont care, Blaine breathes, though he raises up on his knees just enough so Kurt can slip his fingers Kurt, please. Kurt nods this time, holds himself steady as Blaine sinks down.

back in, lets him spread them inside of him for another minute before hes wiggling away again. Come on, Kurt falls back against the mattress when Blaine starts to move, too soon and too hard for both of them, but Blaine whimpers and grabs at his biceps, tries to pull him back up even as he rocks his hips. Closer, closer, he begs, eyes wild and breath catching. Need you close, stay close.

Right here, Kurt gasps, wrapping his arms around Blaines waist. Not leaving. He cant get any leverage tears rolling down Blaines cheeks, mouths at the hollow below his ear while he murmurs nonsense to him.

like this but he plants his feet, tries to thrust up as much as he can to meet Blaines hips, kisses away the

Blaines not going to last, not with the way the worry and sorrow and fear have rushed out of him, leaving himself up and down harder, whines as Kurt drags his teeth along the tendons in his neck.

what feels like a pile of raw nerves in their wake that sparks at every touch from Kurt, and he works Come on, Kurt urges, keeps one hand on Blaines hip to guide him and circles the other around his cock. collapsing back and pulling Blaine down with him. Kurt starts to shake underneath him.

Im here, Ive got you. Blaine comes with a cry of Kurts name and Kurt follows him over the edge, finally I want babies, Blaine says when he catches his breath, voice muddled with sleep. He lifts his head when You know thats not how it works, right? Kurt laughs, rubbing his hands over Blaines back and down to where hes just slipped out of him. We are missing some vital parts. You know thats not what I meant, Blaine grumbles, smacking his chest as he glares up at Kurt through half-closed eyes. Babies, he repeats seriously. I want them. Soon. I want to find a surrogate. sighing as Blaine burrows into his neck. We should call Dr. Miller. And your dad. Its a plan, Kurt says, lifting his head enough to kiss Blaines forehead before dropping back down and

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Contents Blaine, whats the rule?

No talking about your dad while your dick is out, Blaine says automatically, kissing Kurts neck in apology before he starts giggling again. He feels drunk. You remember the rules. You obviously dont, Kurt says, but theres nothing mean in his voice, and when Blaine tilts his head he can see Kurt trying to stare down at him. He props himself up on his elbows and nudges their noses together, going a little cross-eyed in his attempt to keep eye contact. the bed.

Put your dick away so we can call your dad, Blaine says, and Kurt snorts, pushing him off and rolling off Werent you begging for my dick fifteen minutes ago? Kurt asks, throwing Blaines boxers at him as he pulls on his own. Yes, and I will be in a little while, and vice versa, for the rest of the day, Blaine laughs, waggling his eyebrows. But first lets make everyone elses day. What was it like? Blaine murmurs into the dim room. Theyd collapsed into bed early, exhausted from a trip to the hospital and so many phone calls. Burt had cried, and Carole had cried, and Finn had wept like a baby before switching into celebration mode, shooing them off the phone so he could start planning a date and hung up with a cheery, Call me when the sex haze clears.) party. (Rachel had tried to come over, had only been dissuaded by the promise of a sleepover at a later Hmm? Kurt hums from where his head is pillowed on Blaines chest. Blaine runs his fingertips over Kurts arm, feels the catch of his sweaty skin as he traces aimless patterns. Remembering. What was it like?

It was like coming up from underwater, Kurt says quietly. I dont know what I...expected...but it wasnt up at me and you were you but you were him, too, and everyone youve been in between. And I just...youd told me, before, I knew things from stories, but then I knew, and I was just home. I missed you so much, Blaine breathes. God, Kurt.

that. Nothing flashed before my eyes or anything. It was just like everything came into focus. You looked

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Contents I know. I dont know how you did it. I dont think...I dont know if I couldve done it, if the roles were reversed. Blaine scoffs at that, pulls Kurt a little closer. I wouldve made you happy again, Blaine says, kissing the top of Kurts head. I know I could have.

You could. You did, Kurt smiles, shifting up the bed until he can lay on the pillow, facing Blaine. You do. light.

You always will. His eyes drift closed and Blaine watches his eyelashes flutter in the glow from the street Thank you for coming back, Blaine whispers, tilting his head forward to rest against Kurts. Kurts lips barely move when he answers, already half asleep. Thanks for waiting for me. -----

Blaine is now officially really behind on getting everything ready for the choirs and orchestra and he hasnt even thought about the fall musical past his good natured arguments with Kurt, but they agree to newlyweds. take one more day off together, still thrumming with adrenaline at their reunion and feeling a bit like Theyre grinning dopily at each other over coffee cups when Kurt bites his bottom lip, staring down into his coffee as he speaks. I cant believe you taught me how to blow you, he mutters, face going a little red as he shakes his head. when Kurts eyes snap up.

Kurts already itching to get back to work, panicked over the spring line and the fall runway shows and

Well, you - I mean, it was... Blaine sputters, can feel his cheeks reddening in response; he looks away Blaine Anderson-Hummel, he gapes, voice accusing as his eyes widen. You totally got off on that. Oh my god you giant perv you got off on teaching a teenager how to have sex. You werent a teenager! Blaine says with a huff, throwing his hands up. And...it was hot, ok? You were all unsure and eager and needy and I got to take care of you and stop laughing at me you jerk. - 158 -

Contents Im sorry, Im sorry, Kurt giggles, not sounding at all sorry and dodging the napkin Blaine throws at him. It was sweet. And, actually, yeah, looking back it was pretty hot. Maybe I can work on my poker face and measure because hes still giggling. we can try it again. Blaine sputters again when Kurt winks, then levels another glare at Kurt for good They pick at the bowl of fruit between them, toes brushing ankles under the table, and after a while Kurt snorts, fails to pass it off as a cough, and Blaine takes a deep breath, gets ready for whatever Kurt finds funny now.

The top of the Empire State Building? he asks, laughter in his voice. Did you really have to take advantage of my adolescent Sleepless in Seattle obsession? I didnt even think of that, Blaine insists, slapping a palm to his forehead, because for as well as just...falling in love with you again. It wouldve been smart, though. I needed all the help I could get. silence, smirking for a second before schooling his face into blankness.

everything was going, as perfect as it is right now, he never had a plan, was just trying to keep up. I was You really didnt, Kurt says, eyes fond. Theyre quiet again and this time its Blaine who breaks the Im sorry your memory recovery didnt live up to the expectations set by General Hospital, he says solemnly, managing to stay quiet for upwards of five seconds before he laughs loudly and squawking when Kurt leans over the table and pokes him hard in the ribs. How long have you been waiting to use that? Kurt asks, scowling.

50 days. They go quiet again, the breath leaving both when they hear it out loud. 49 days of waiting and this, been able to be them.

wondering, another 41 of fear and uncertainty before that. Three months since theyve been together like Come on, Kurt says, standing and offering Blaine his hand. Shower with me. Blaine grins as he lets Kurt lead the way, and theyre almost to the bathroom before he says anything. with a peal of laughter. Should I find my bathing suit? He barely dodges the kick Kurt aims at him, slipping into the bathroom - 159 -

Contents Rachel, to her credit, lasts almost an entire 24 hours before she shows up, bags in one hand and a box tucked under her arm that she hands off to Blaine with a grin. Why, pray tell, Kurt starts, staring intently at a blushing Blaine and slipping an arm around Rachels waist as she tucks herself into his side. Does Rachel have that? I didnt want you to find them and freak out! Blaine exclaims as Rachel laughs into Kurts shirt. sully my innocence with sex toys when you could do it yourself.

Oh, of course, Kurt smiles, a beatific look that has never meant good things for Blaine. Wouldnt want to I promise I didnt look in the box, Rachel says as Blaine scowls at them. Much. Purple? Really? Both men groan and she swings the bags on her arm. Blaine, sweetie, put those away, I brought dinner. The night passes quickly, Kurt and Rachel chatting rapidly as Blaine alternates between paying attention and just watching Kurt talk. Its late before they manage to leave the kitchen table, drifting toward the bedroom, and Rachel rifles through the bottom drawer of Kurts dresser until she uncovers her tank top to head back out to the living room when Rachel reappears, launching herself onto the bed and patting the mattress on either side of her. Were all sleeping here, she demands. Come cuddle me, and stop it with the synchronized eye rolling, grabbing one of their hands in each of hers. and shorts, waving them triumphantly. Kurt and Blaine both strip down to t-shirts and boxers, are about

its weird. They do as she says, climbing into the bed and settling into the pillows as she does the same, Were going to have babies, Kurt says around a yawn, and Rachel tightens her grip with a squeal. Im in.

Well of course, Blaine shrugs. Youre Aunt Rachel.

No, Rachel says firmly. Im in. Let me be your surrogate. Rachel-- Kurt starts, but Rachel talks over him.

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Contents No, she says again. We have access to my familys medical history going back five generations and you know I wont go nuts and try to track the kids down in 16 years because youre never getting rid of me because I already know how creepy you both are and I want to do this for you. What about the show? Blaine asks. anyway. And you can be there for every second of the pregnancy and not worry about seeming creepy

The show is closing, Rachel says quietly. Six weeks. I found out in June. Why didnt you--

I think there were more pressing matters to deal with, Rachel laughs, squeezing their hands again. I need a break, anyway. Come on. Let me bear your child. Youre sure? Blaine asks, and when Rachel nods, he looks over her head at Kurt. Kurt raises his eyebrows and Blaine mirrors the action, a grin splitting his face when Kurt speaks. Ok.

Rachel squeals again, kicking her feet against the mattress. Kurt starts rattling off things they need to look to his chest. into, doctors and in-vitro and hes talking a mile a minute when Blaine reaches over Rachel to press a hand

I want the first one to be yours, Blaine says, voice soft but not leaving room for discussion. Kurt looks at him for a moment before nodding with an understanding smile. But the next one is yours, Kurt insists. Assuming Rachel agrees to another.

Why not? Rachel laughs, throwing her arms in the air. Assuming there isnt of a revival of Funny Girl, my uterus is yours. Kurt and Blaine both lean down to kiss her on the cheek, settling on their sides as the room goes quiet.

Ya know, Rachel says after a while, quiet but with a hint of mischief in her voice. We could just skip the her other side. - 161 -

bells and whistles and do this the old-fashioned way. Kurt looks at her, confused, while Blaine snorts on

Contents Climb on up, Kurt, Rachel giggles, spreading her legs as much as her position between them allows. I wont even be offended if you look at Blaine instead of me. Youre both insane and I cant believe Im bringing children into the world with you, Kurt groans, pushing Rachel toward Blaine when he starts to laugh, too. Rachel wiggles her way back to the middle, sighing contentedly as they each reach across her and covering their linked hands with her own. Welcome back, Kurt. -----

Theyre both surprised when Burt doesnt immediately jump on a plane, but Burt just clears his throat, true and b) a much better alternative to admitting that theyve been catching up for weeks already. Hes been on the receiving end of Burt Hummels judgment before; he doesnt want to go back. Theyll see Burt the next week, anyway; Finn has a party planned before they can actually finish making planning, but Finn refuses, insists hes got this and has Rachel helping, too, so Kurt shouldnt worry. Kurt still looks worried.

mumbles something neither can fully understand much of other than Sure you two have a lot of catching up to do and Blaine covers the phone when Kurt squawks in indignation because the assumption is a)

affair that everyone is booking flights to attend. Kurts practically vibrating with the need to take over

phone calls, a Labor Day slash Kurts Homecoming even though he never left but hes still back, ya know?

Their family arrives like a tidal wave the next week, Finn and Burt and Carole and Blaines parents and since the wedding because everyone is busy and spread out and its so easy to lose touch until something forces you not to. Their apartment is packed with people and then suddenly, startlingly empty as everyone leaves en masse for hotels and Blaine has whiplash from the sheer amount of activity; its difficult to readjust when everything has been so quiet and careful and contained for so long.

Mercedes and a random assortment of members of New Directions, many of whom Blaine hasnt seen

Burt and Carole are still in the living room; Kurts between them on the sofa, tucked under his dads arm with the same look of fond exasperation he always has, a decade later and hes still not used to having a

mother, but Blaine can see the unspoken panic in his eyes, Shes going to pill the fabric. He takes pity, sits - 162 -

while Carole fusses with his sleeves, his collar, anything she can pretend to adjust. Kurt just watches her

Contents down on Caroles other side and draws her attention away; she immediately starts giving his shirt the same treatment, but he doesnt care as much. Good to have ya back, kid, Burt says, squeezing Kurts shoulders. Hes been quiet so far, unsurprisingly with such tenderness and relief.

so; hes never been a chatty guy, but his eyes have spoken volumes all day, tracking Kurt through rooms Good to be back, Dad, Kurt sighs, sinking into his hold a little more and batting at Burts leg when he props his foot on the coffee table. Sorry you had to help me shower. Not the first time Ive seen you naked, Burt shrugs. At least this time you werent on top of Blaine. room goes silent. He can feel Caroles shoulders shake next to him and its only a second before she breaks, little with the arm around him shoulders, grinning widely as he repeats the sentiment. Good to have ya back. giggling through her hand. Kurt just groans, crossing his arms over his chest as he sulks. Burt jostles him a

Blaine can feel Kurts eyes narrow even though he cant see him and covers his eyes with his hand as the

Its clear that Rachel helped more than a little when they arrive at The Foundry. Theres no way Finn ever would have thought to book the same place they got married, probably didnt even remember its name. name dropping. And to get the terrace on a holiday weekend with a weeks notice? Definitely an exercise in Rachel Berry The place is packed, friends from Ohio and college and work and everywhere in between. Blaine sees his They spend an hour in different conversations, passing with brushes of hands as theyre shuttled around. him, that he still cant really process it.

parents talking to John, excuses himself to join in the conversation just as Jill pulls Kurt into a small group.

Blaine sees Kurt crying at least twice, knows he isnt used to so much unabashed affection being piled on Everyone is pleasantly buzzed when Rachel starts gesturing emphatically to them and Blaine rolls his eyes murmurs, I need a minute, you first.

as he tugs Kurt toward her. She passes Kurt a microphone and he immediately hands it off to Blaine, Hey everyone, Blaine says into the mic, smiling as everyone immediately turns their attention to him. Im not the guest of honor, but Im being asked to vamp for a few minutes, so...I just want to say thank you - 163 -

Contents to everyone. I know I wasnt great about answering phone calls or replying to emails or...ya know,

showering. Rachel wrinkles her nose in his peripheral vision and he sticks his tongue out. But I looking, keeping his grip on Kurts hand.

appreciate everything you guys did for us. Its been a hell of a summer. Lets never do it again. Laughter ripples through the crowd and Blaine can feel Kurt take a deep breath; he hands the mic over without I havent had a mic all to myself in a while, Kurt says wryly. Can I get a spotlight? More laughter, louder

this time, and Kurt breathes again before he starts.

I was so focused on getting out of Ohio for so long. And then I did it. I had the talent and the drive and the everything I have here, and everything I had there that let me go after it. Ive...Ive had so much, for so long

boy, he squeezes Blaines hand. And I said I was never looking back. But I think I took it for granted now, that I forgot. Its just...anything can happen. There are heart attacks and rogue taxis but there are failed spy missions and lead singers late to performances. Enemies become friends and friends become remember how much I love all of you. discreetly wipe their eyes. family and I got launched head first into a time before I had any of that, and it made me remember to Blaine tightens his grip when Kurt sniffs, hears the sound echo throughout the room as a few people Oh god I just went all inspirational. That wasnt in the plan, Kurt groans. My point is, I love all of you, I stops, glances at Blaine with a question in his eyes, and Blaine nods. Since youre all here, and you need to stop crying...Blaine and I are having babies. Soon. Yeah we are! Rachel yells, and Kurt closes his eyes as he laughs. love you more than I can say, he says, looking at Blaine. And dont text while youre walking. Oh, also, he

With Rachel, Blaine adds, leaning into the mic. In case that war cry wasnt clear.

The crowd whoops and laughs and theyre enveloped, again, but together this time, accepting new rounds Kurt repeatedly assures Finn that neither of them are actually going to have sex with Rachel, and also that the fact that it would be weird for Finn is the least of their reasons why) and Blaine doesnt let go of Kurts hand for the rest of the night.

of congratulations and answering questions (including an awkward and hilarious ten minutes in which

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Contents They go back to work, have been back for a week and a half but its real now, with the start of the school year and the slow build to fashion week and so they part each morning with a lingering kiss and an I love maybe for the world to have undergone some fundamental change in their absence. But its the same even though theyre different, and just like that theyre back to the life that has kept going without them. you before turning in opposite directions down the sidewalk. Blaine isnt sure what he was expecting,

Blaine beats Kurt home most nights, doesnt manage to take a full breath until he hears Kurts keys in the door and knows hell have to work on that, the way his stomach clenches when Kurt is out of his line of force. sight for too long. He holds Kurt a little too tightly at night, drags Kurts arms around him with too much Kurts been jumpy, too, in his own way; his doctors had had very little in the way of answers, offered the medical equivalent of a shrug, and Kurts never been great with the unknown. Hes only said it once, but theoretically disappear again? He feels it in the shift of Kurts body when he wakes in the morning, the sure he still remembers. Blaine knows its always in the back of his mind - if his memory could just come back, couldnt it momentary held breath as he comes into awareness; Blaine can practically hear Kurt thinking, making Theyll calm down eventually, Blaines sure. Hell stop worrying about losing Kurt and Kurt will stop worrying about losing himself and Rachel will stop bringing groceries and asking Blaine if hes eaten physically wouldnt have made it through those six weeks, knows that this is her anxiety still working life. itself out). The fear will get duller and foggier and theyll never forget but theyll move past it, get on with For now they run a lot. Well, Blaine runs; Kurts leg cant handle the impact, but he starts going to the gym follows through on his promise and tries yoga. Once. Mostly they run. (which Blaine cant find it in himself to be annoyed with because he knows that if it wasnt for Rachel, he

with Blaine to strengthen the still weak right side of his body, and Blaine watches him on the elliptical,

mouthing the words to an unheard song and occasionally catching Blaines eye across the room. Blaine There were a lot of promises made in that first week that Kurt really came back, whispered into the air to get ready and make them late, and Blaine is going to leave his underwear on the bathroom floor, and

and the pillows and each others mouths. Some will be easy to keep (I will love you forever) and some theyll surely break (Well never fight again) because nothing is that easy. Kurt is going to take far too long

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Contents Fashion Week is scheduled to coincide with tech week for the musical so Blaine knows theyre going to be at each others throats that entire week because this has happened before and its not pretty. But they make promises anyway, and plans, and admissions, safe in the dark.

It takes Blaine another week to say what hes been holding onto since July, and he only manages it then street light outside burnt out a few hours ago and its pitch black in their bedroom.

because hes felt Kurt watching him for a few days, considering; can feel his eyes now even though the If youre going to think that loudly, its only polite to talk. Kurt doesnt ask directly, and Blaine appreciates that because hes always had a hard time dodging Kurts questions, knows this is his way of saying You can tell me, but you dont have to. We were about to pull the plug, Blaine says in a rush. Hed had a plan for how he was going to approach mattress, squeezes. supposed to be - Id signed the papers and... He chokes on the apology and Kurts hand finds his on the

the matter, and blurting it out like that wasnt part of the plan. When you woke up - the next day was

I know, honey, he says quietly. Kurt turns onto his side, rolling up onto his elbow and reaching out with his free hand to cup Blaines jaw, eyes finding Blaines even in the dark. I know. How?

Rachel, Kurt says simply. Youve been so jittery and I knew youd never tell me everything that was going on up here, he taps Blaines temple lightly. And I saw how Rachels been hovering over you. I asked her for the details the other day at lunch. Oh. Im sorry I--

Stop. Kurts voice is firm and Blaine does as he says, stops. Whatever you were about to apologize for, dont, ok? You have nothing to be sorry for. Blaine nods against his hand, not trusting his voice. Besides, youve always been the one who pushed me to make my deadlines. hate him. Thats true, Blaine sighs, laughing a little at the lightness in his chest now that Kurt knows and doesnt - 166 -

Contents What did I tell you in high school? Kurt yawns around the end of the question. down, sharing Blaines pillow.

That you wouldnt say goodbye, Blaine answers, pulling at the arm Kurts still leaning on until he lays Mmhmm. And I promised you in the hospital that I would remember you. His voice is already fuzzy can feel the faint puff of breath on his face, cant help but laugh in response even as he follows Kurt into sleep.

around the edges as he settles against Blaine, wedging a knee between his and throwing an arm over his waist. Kurt Anderson-Hummel: Man of His Word. I should get that put on a mug. He giggles and Blaine

Enough zeroes that neither of them want to actually touch the check, that they walk as quickly as they can to the bank because theyll figure out what to do with it, how to invest it, later, but for now it needs to get ridiculous.

The settlement check arrives, and its one to think about it in theory but the reality is a lot of zeroes.

out of their hands before Blaine spills wine on it or Kurt accidentally sets it on fire or something equally Blaine makes a last ditch appeal for the falcon and Kurt waves it off with as much judgement as he had on the table presses his fingers to his temples like he doesnt want to say what hes about to say. We should move.

before, and its after trips and investments have been discussed that Kurt sighs heavily, props his elbows

theyve been here, so much that turning the office into a nursery isnt really feasible unless a baby can sleep in a piano and Kurt doesnt look amused by that suggestion. We hate moving, Blaine sighs, his agreement silent in the way he mirrors Kurts posture. Its true. In the time they have lived in New York, they have lived in two apartments: the one Kurt was in when Blaine harder it will be to move with a baby, how nice it would be to have everything ready and perfect. Besides, Kurt shrugs. We could pay people to move for us now. moved in, and the one they bought after graduation. But Kurt points out the lack of space, how much

Blaine isnt surprised; hes been thinking about it, too. Theyve acquired so much stuff in the few years

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Contents This is why I married you, Blaine grins, leaning across the table to press a loud, smacking kiss to his lips, while Blaine calls the realtor that sold them the apartment to get it back on the market, and by the end of the week theyve looked at four prospects. Rachels show wraps and she almost immediately starts preparing for battle, as she calls it when Blaine

even though he knows Kurt will try to control the packing and moving himself. Kurt opens his laptop

asks her what the frighteningly green concoction in her glass is. There are vitamins and doctors offered to accompany him for...inspiration...but Kurt had given him that look that said I am so unimpressed

with you right now and whatever, Blaine is funny). All systems seem to be in order, so its just a matter of waiting. They make an offer on a three bedroom, two bath apartment a few blocks away, get an offer on their place Fashion Week/tech week horror extravaganza. Blaine comes home one night to see Kurt standing at his and thats when they really do call people to take care of the move for them. Day 1

appointments and, one day, a very red-faced Kurt coming home from his own appointment (Blaine had

a few days later, sign what feels like hundreds of papers, and everyone is so excited about future

apartments and babies that no one bothers to realize they will now be adding moving to their upcoming drafting table, pencils stuck over each ear and a half-full box labeled I Dont Know in thick black letters at his feet, staring blankly ahead as he chugs what is likely his eighth or ninth cup of coffee that afternoon,

Rachel shows up on a Saturday morning, too early in general but especially since its only their second weekend in the apartment, and its the week after the musical closes but before the holiday concerts start, the door even though they can hear Rachel letting herself in, ruffling Blaines hair before he goes. When he look serious. Rachel is gripping his hand tightly, shifting from foot to foot. happy right now. aka the only moment of peace Blaine will have for the foreseeable future. Kurt rolls out of bed to answer comes back, Rachel is with him and his mouth is twitching the way it does when hes trying very hard to Really? Blaine asks, suddenly alert, because theres only one reason for them to try so hard not to look Ready to make good on that fifth diamond? Kurt asks before he launches himself at Blaine, almost managing to break both of their noses when he jumps onto the bed just as Blaine sits up. They roll around - 168 -

Contents for a minute, laughing and kissing until theyre breathless from both, before they both jump up and close Then its a day of phone calls and watching Kurt make Rachel drink half a gallon of orange juice at brunch and wondering which of them will be worse during this pregnancy (something Blaine will never, ever overtired in the way that makes them unable to do anything but endlessly talk at each other. insane, Kurt murmurs. You, maybe, sure. But not me. not going to be able to use that against me forever. discuss out loud because there is no way it can end well). Theres an immediate urge to nest and paint samples swiped onto the nursery walls and in the blink of an eye its night and theyre back in bed, If youd told me ten years ago that I would be procreating with Rachel Berry I wouldve told you you were Oh shut up, Blaine groans, slapping out to his side where he knows Kurt is grinning like an idiot. Youre Nah, Kurt agrees. In a few years you will have actually made a baby with her, so Im sure Ill find new and pulls him back toward the middle of the bed. in on Rachel from either side.

jokes. He giggles as Blaine pinches him, trying to squirm away, but Blaine catches him around the waist I have to admit, Blaine says. Since everything happened Ive been waiting for you to...not snap, but for the chance.

you to have some big realization about life and want to go on some kind of adventure while you still had I did, Kurt answers simply. Ive...weve always been happy but when I watched the wedding video that once everything came back. We are as happy as two people can get, arent we? We are, Blaine agrees.

night, I saw how stupidly happy we really are. To be on the outside looking in...that was my big realization

Besides, Kurt says, covering Blaines left hand with his own where it lays on his stomach, slotting their fingers together so their rings line up. Every day with you is an adventure.

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