Loiieciion ueveiopmeni I Gay Parenting

BUILDING
W h i l e gay p a r e n t h o o d has existedfromtime
immemorial, it has only emerged as a viable means of family building within the past 20 years. Celebrities like Melissa Etheridge, who had children with ex-partner Julie Cypher and sperm donor David Crosby, and Rosie O'Donnell, who adopted, have ushered gay parenting into the popular consciousness and helped it eam relative acceptance.

By Lynne Maxwell

RAiNBOW
FAMILIES
The rainhow effect
available; the other person can file for second-parent adoption after the child is safely in America. Foster parenting also offers gay couples a chance at parenthood, but the state retains legal guardianship. This first collection development article on gay parenting will necessarily tackle its legal issues along with its emotional and economic components. But first, a litde sociological background.

Adoption options
Nonetheless, no amount of exposure in People magazine can eliminate the significant legal hurdles facing gay men and lesbians looking to have families. That's tbe long way of saying that gay adoptionprobably the most popular method of family building among gay men and an increasingly popular choice for lesbians-is not explicitly legal in the 50 states. Only about a dozen states permit single gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered (GLBT) adoption and joint adoption, defined as an unmarried couple's petitioning the court to adopt a child who has been put up for adoption by the birth parent(s) or by the state. Most states do allow single GLBT adoptions buc haven't taken a formal stand on joint adoptions, a situation that makes it hard for gay couples to share legal rights regarding their children. (Florida, for the record, is the only state that lias outlawed gay adoption, period.) Where joint GLBT adoptions are illegal, gay couples in which one party already has legal rights of a child seek second-parent adoption. With so much red Eape on the home front, numerous gay couples resort to international adoption, which can be faster. Still, the future parents in question must remain closeted throughout the entire process because no country will knowingly place a child in a gay household. In other words, only single-parent adoption is

Most Americans don't have any sense ofthe value and prevalence of gay parenting in this country. Recent research statistics compiled in "Adoption and Foster Care by Gay and Lesbian Parents in the United States"a March 2007 report issued jointly by the Williams Institute ofthe UCLA Scbool of Law and the Urban Institute of Washington, DCdelivers us to enlightenment, thankfully. According to the study, more than one ii] three lesbians has given birth and one in six gay men has fathered or adopted a child. Moreover, more than half of gay men and 41 percent of lesbians want to have a child. Additionally, more than 16,000 adopted children are living with a lesbian or gay parent. Significantly, same-sex couples raising adopted children are older, more educated, and have more economic resources than other adoptive parents. This is fortunate for the foster-care system because an estimated 14,000 foster children are living with lesbian or gay parents, which means that same-sex parents are raising tliree percent of foster children in America. As well as providing loving homes for children in need, gay and lesbian parents have a monumental economic impact on society. For instance, a national ban on gay foster parenting could cost the federal government from $87 million to $130 million, which might cost individual states anywhere from $100,000 Lyntte Maxwell, Assistant Director far Reader Services, Villatww to $27 million (the figures vary according to state size and the Unifersity School of Law Library, PA. has heeti revicmn^ psychologynumber of children in foster care). Statistics like these demonstrate that there is a vital market for books on gay parenting. and sociolot^y books for LJ .Uiice 2004 54 1 LIBRARY JOURNAL | APRIL 1.2008

hi with the old and the new

Just as parenting has become a category of study, bolstered by the popular work of Benjamin Spock and his ilk, so, too, has gay parenting developed its own body of literature. While no single publisher distinguishes itself in this area. Seal Press has issued groundbreaking books by therapists D. Merilee Clunis and G. Dorsey Green {Lesbian Couples); Hawortb Press, known for its excellence in psychology, has published Deborah F. Glazer andjack Drescher {Cay and Lesbian Parenting); and Nolo Press remains the leader for law books for the lay reader. New books on the suhject are released each year, of course, but much ofthe traditional material remains current, as evidenced by the following bibliography. The changes in content reflect the modification of laws, along with shifting emphases in developmental psychology and medicine. As the major repositories for gay and lesbian parenting books, public and university libraries in the aggregate would do well to hold onto ti-

des that have demonstrated persistent relevance and value, even as they add new titles reflecting current research.

Weeding
While some weeding may be necessary depending on the libraries' holdings, many ofthe new titles complement and supplement, rather than supplant, older ones. Librarians should check older titles for the currency of their legal information and parenting philosophies, which shift over the years for obvious reasons. Still, it is highly likely that much material will be retained. Books written for children growing up in gay households deserve a place in school libraries. Gay parenting books are also illuminating for general audiences, particularly for friends and family of gay couples who might benefit from additional insight into and sensitivity toward the particular challenges raised by gay parenting. Starred [*] titles are essential for at! collections.

TMtN I MILIION t n r i l f l i

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PARENTING
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DR. HAIM C GINOTT IVrk, MK h\

BUILDING A FAMILY
Benkov, Laura. Reinventing the Family:

Lesbian and Gay Parents. Three Rivers: Crown. 1995. 304p. bibiiog. index. ISBN 9780-517-88486-7. pap. $19. That this 13-year-old book remains in print speaks volumes. Benkov, a Boston psychologist, provides case studies detailing the difficulties in reinventing the family. The psychiatric system, social service systems, and courts must be navigated by those seeking to become gay parents. (L/7/94) McGarry, Kevin. Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Ijiiotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad. Harrington Park: Haworth. 2003. 107p. illus. bibliog. index. ISBN 97B-156023-387-9. $29.95; pap. ISBN 97B-156023-388-6. $19.95. riic .uitbor, a single gay adoptive father, chronicles with honesty the trinis, tribulations, and joys of adopting from abroad. He supplies much practical advice to gays and lesbians planning this route to family building, hiternational adoption is far from easy, hut McGarry shows the way. {4/5/15/03)
Mallon, Gerald P. Lesbian and Gay Foster and Adoptive Parents: Recruiting, Assessing,

and Supporting an Untapped Resource for Children and Yotith. Child Welfare League of America (CWLA). 2006.131p. illus. bibliog. ISBN 978-1-58760-104-0. pap. $18.95.

0-7890-1774-1. $24.95.

Mallon provides essential guidance for prospective gay parents by considering such subjects as gay identity. legal contexts, issues for gay parents, and a particularly valuable chapter relating research on lesbian and gay parenting.
Sember, Brette McWhorter. Gay & Lesbian

Parenting Choices: From Adopting or Using a Surrogate to Choosing the Perfect Father. Career. 2006.223p. illus. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-1-56414-837-7. pap. $14.99. Attorney and mediator Sember, a prolific writer on gay parenting issues, relies on her legal knowledge to explain the intricacies of choosing a method of forming a gay familyadoption, surrogacy, inseminationand in making legally sound choices. Useful for prospective gay parents, attorneys, and social work professionals.
Welcome Home! An International and Nontraditional Adoption Reader. Haworth. (Marriage & Family). 2003.247p. ed. by Lita Linzer Schwartz & Florence W. Kaslow. ISBN 978-0-7890-1773-4. $39.95; pap. ISBN 978-

Several excellent books address international adoption, and most of these include information directed to prospective gay or lesbian parents; however, these titles are not geared exclusively toward the gay population. Rather, they contain a chapter or two on gay international adoption. Welcome Home! is an exception to this trend. While it doesn't function primarily as an adoption how-to guide, its stellar essays supply firsthand advice on international adoption for gay and lesbian parents. Highly readable and informative. (L/11/1/03)

GAY PARENTING GUIDES

Berk, Brett. The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting: Candid Counsel from the Oepths of the Daycare Trenches. Three Rivers: Crown. 2008. c.258p. ISBN 978-0-30738138-5. pap. $13.95.

Berk has been a teacher, a preschool director, and a media consultant for products geared toward children. More significant, he has penned a humorous guide to gay parenting. Not a parent himself, he uses his professional expertise to critique poor parenting methods that refuse to take into account the strategies of explanation, adjustment, and redirection.
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uoiieciion ueveiopmeni I Gay Parenting

'A'Clunis, D. Merilee & G. Dorsey Green. The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide to Creating Families and Raising Children. 2d ed. Seal. 2003.424p. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-1-58005-090-6. pap. $18.95. This cxccllciir guide, vvrirten especially for lesbian parents and parents-to-be, continues to provide crucial information on each stage of lesbian parenting, as well as child development. The authors, who are both seasoned therapists and parents, explore a full range of relevant topics such as Internet safety. (L/11/1/95} Gay and Lesbian Parenting. Haworth. 2001. 165p. ed. by Deborah F. Glazer & Jack Dre^her, M.D. index. ISBN 978-0-7890-1349-1. $49.95; pap. ISBN 978-0-7890-1350-7. $22.95. Directed to therapists as well as gay parents, this book articulates the psychological challenges of gay parenting. Its numerous case studies successfully illustrate the editors' points, which lend readers insight into the legal system. Jobnson, Suzanne M. & Elizabeth O'Connor. For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy. Healthy, and Proud. Guilford. 2001.248p. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-1-57230-663-9. pap. $16.95. This standard manual by two developmental and social psychologists is for lesbian mothers, whether they are just coiiteniplatir^ motherhood or are well into the process. The authors delineate the advantages and disadvantages ofthe various family-building options so readers can make infonned choices. Also, they recommend that lesbian parents come out, as this honesty will be crucial to their children's well-being. (LJ 5/1/01} Jobnson, Suzanne M. & Elizabeth O'Connor. The Gay Baby Boom: The Psychology of Gay Parenthood. New York Univ. 2002.280p. illus. ISBN 978-0-8147-4260-0. $65; pap. ISBN 978-0-8147-4261-7. $21. psychologists Johnson and O'Connor draw on findings from the extensive National Gay and Lesbian Family Study exploring parenting techniques. They conclude that parenting strategies do not vary between gay and straight populations and that children of gay parents are every bit as psychologically healthy as those raised by heterosexual parents. Primarily for therapists and researchers but could prove illuminating for a scientifically minded general audience.
v, Arlene Istar. The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide. Berkley: Penguin Group (USA). 2004.400p. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-0-425-19197-2. pap. $17.

well as those of lesbian and gay parents. Lev, an experienced family therapist who has worked for over 20 years with alternative families, knows how to tackle relevant issues, e.g., dealing with the homophobia that children of GLBT parents will inevitably encounter. Humorous and replete with valuable narratives.
Priwer, Sbana & Cyntbia Phillips. Gay Parenting: Complete Guide for Same-Sex Families. New Horizon. 2006. 233p. ISBN 978-0-88282-271-6. pap. $13.95.

Geared toward a general audience, this illuminating book provides pictorial representations of GLBT parents and their families. Wonderfully inclusive, it evokes the humanity of rainbow families. (L/5/1/99}

FICTION
Rizzo, Cindy & Jo Schneiderman. All the Ways Home: Parenting and Children in the Lesbian and Gay Communities; A Collection of Short Fiction. New Victoria. 1995.212p. ISBN 978-0-934678-68-1. $19.95; pap. ISBN 978-0-934678-65-0. $10.95. This unique compilation of stories provides keen insight into the reality- of gay parenting and growing up as a gay child. The book's fictional format enables the respective authors to explore the powerful feelings experienced by the members of alternative families. Useful for a genera! audience.

Another exceptional, comprehensive guide to same-sex parenting, this addresses GLBT issues like beginning a family via adoption, fostering, surrc^acy, or donor insemination, ln addition, it provides advice for parenting children through every developmental stage.

GENERAL PARENTING GUIDES

>'^ GJnott, Haim G. Between Parent and Cbild: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication, rev. ad. Three Rivers: Crown. 2003.256p. ed. by Alice Ginott & H. Wallace Goddard. illus. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-0-609-80988-4. pap. $13.95. This updated edition of a trusty, old warhorse takes into account recent developments in child psychology while maintaining the valuable advice conveyed in earlier editions. (LJ 7/03)
Golombok, Susan. Parenting: What Really Counts? Psycbology Pr: Routledge. 2000. 144p. ISBN 978-0-415-22716-2. pap. $24.95.

FOR, BY, AND ABOUT KIDS

"^ Garner, Abigail. Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is. Harper: HarperCollins. 2005.2B8p. index. ISBN 978-0-06-052758-7. pap. $13.95.

Golombok methodically examines and presents research studies establishing the necessary components of healthy psychological development in children. She provides vital recommendations for maximizing the child's relationship with his/her parent(s}.

Numerous books have been written by gay and lesbian parents, but this one offers a new perspective. Not only has the author worked with GLBT families for years, but she also experienced firsthand what it was like to grow up in a family with two daddies. Unlike many ofthe authors who publish on gay and lesbian family issues. Garner is heterosexual. No matter, she knows whereof she speaks. A valuable resource for teens with sophisticated reading skilis, along with parents and teachers.
^': Snow, Juditb E. How It Feels To Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages. Harrington Park: Hawortb. 2004.110p. illus. bibiiog. index. IS8N 978-156023-419-7. $19.95.

PORTRAITS OF GAY FAMILIES

Drucker, Jane Levy. Lesbian and Gay Families Speak Out: Understanding the Joys and Challenges of Diverse Family Life. Da Capo. 2001.284p. illus. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-07382-0466-6. pap. $16. Family therapist Drucker shares the stories of actual gay and lesbian parents, demonstrating that the sexual orientation of parents is not a detenninant in fostering the mental health of their children. Rather, love is the key. Perfect for a general audience, too.
Kaeser, Gigi (photogs.) & Minnie Bruce Pratt & others (text). Love Makes a Family: Portraits of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Parents and Their Families. Univ. of Massacbusetts. 1999. c.208p. ed. by Peggy Gillespie. photogs. ISBN 978-1-55849-160-1. $40; pap. ISBN 978-1-55849-161-8. $27.95.

This superb book fills a necessary niche, informing kids in fifth grade and up about how it feels to grow up in a family with gay parents. It compiles the thoughts of 32 individuals between the ages of seven and 31, allowing them to voice their opinions on crucial aspects of living and having lived in a household with gay parents. Best of all, it provides sage advice for other kids about surviving inevitable forces such as homophobia. Good for teachers, too.

LEGAL ASPECTS
' Clifford, Denis & others. A Legal Guide for Lesbian & Gay Couples. 14th ad. Nolo. 2007. 330p. illus. index. ISBN 978-1-4133-0629-3. pap. $34.99 with CD-ROM. Nolo Press again supplies a practical and informative handbook addressing numerous legal issues with which gay and lesbian

"Complete" is right: this book addresses the concerns of transgendered parents, as

36 I LIBRARY JOURNAL | APRIL 1. 2UU8

drenespecially special-needs children of nurturing homes.

LESBIAN &CAY PARENTING GUIDE -^

WEB SITES &BLOGS

American Civil Liberties Union www.aclu.org/getequat/par/resources.btml

Vhis is a wundertiil site linking to intbrmation about the rights of gay. lesbian, and transgendered parents. In addition, it's a good source for current statistics on gay parenting. It provides a useful list of publications for both gay parents and their children. Finally, it provides a directory of relevant conferences and camps.
American Psycbological Association www.apa.org/pi/parent.html

couples are certain to contend. This current, upilated version takes into account the most recent developments in the law in these areas; it provides essential advice for GLBT parents and prospective parents. Mort-over, it addres,ses other legal considerations such as financial arrangements. Indispensable for gay and lesbian readers, as well as for attorneys who may lack familiarity in this area.
InfantI, Anthony. Everyday Law for Gays and Leshians and Those Who Care About Them. Paradigm. (Everyday Law). 2008. 272p. illus. bibliDg. index. ISBN 978-1-59451-437-1. pap. $23.95.

ing concerns. With its frequent publication schedule, this magazine is able to relay the most current data vital to gay parents.

DVD
Get Your Stuff, color. 93 min. Max Mitcbell, Ariztical Entertainment, 12400 Ventura Blvd., #686, Studio City, CA 91604; 818-760-3739; www.ariztical.com. 2003. DVD $19.95. This him IS A tictioiidl representation ofa gay male couple trying to adopt a baby but who end up fostering two special-needs children hell-bent on wreaking havoc upon tbe world .It large, not to mention their household. Unpredictably, the plot becomes coniedic, as the alternate family evolves.
Mothers and Babies: Lesbians Creating Families Birth Talk Prods. 2004. DVD ASIN B00aBX4X2W. $59.95.

For anyone interested in scholarly ardcles on the subject, this is the sine qua non. Assembled by three APA committees (Committee on Lesbian, Gay. and Bisexual Concerns; Conunittee on Children. Youth, and Families; and Committee on Women in Psychology), the report relates research, inter alia, on lesbians and gay men as parents, along witb a discussion of diversity among lesbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children. Its most remarkable featiire. however. IS the extensive annotated bibliography.
Pride Parenting www.prideparenting.com

The "Everyday Law" series is designed to encompass a wide range of readers. Thus, this book would be informative for a general aiidienct' of gay and lesbian readers and their friends, as well as for attorneys and academics. It incorptirates discuiision ofthe latest legal developments, even as it argues for significant policy cbanges to implement the rights of gays and lesbians, induding. of course, gay and lesbian parents. A thoughtful, easily readable text.
Sember, Brette McWborter. Gay and Lesbian Rights, 2d ed. Spbinx: Sourcebooks. 2006. 304p. jllus. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-157248-550-1. pap. $21.95.

There is a dearth of tllnis on lesbian motbers, so this snapshot of lesbian parenting in authentic settings is welcome. It is a helpful resource for lesbian parents of infants and would be useful for friends and relatives.
Paternal Instinct, color 74 min. Murray Nossel, Strand Releasing, 6140 W. Washington Blvd., Culver City, CA 90232; 310-836-7500; www.strandreleasing.com. 2004. DVD $24.

This site is another excellent source furEiishing gay and lesbian parents with news items that will be of interest to them. It addresses family life, reproduction, surrogacy, adoption/fostering, and general parenting.
Proud Parenting www.proudparenting.com

rhis web site/blog has timely new infonnation for gay and lesbian parents and enables them to exchange info. Also, it supplies relevant facts about adoption, community support, foster care, and insemination. H

This is another cxtellent book by Sember. who provides a 5()-state survey of issues and laws pertaining to gays and lesbians. The most impres.sive aspect is that the author has L-onipilcd valuable legal intbrmation that wuiild take a great deal of time to research on one's own. Also, the appendix includes web addresses, along with the contact and hotline infonnation of organizations, all of which supplement and complement the text,

A documentary originally shown on HBO, this engaging film realistically chronicles the joys and challenges inherent in gay parenting. It does a superb job of authentically depicting two gay dads working to establish a huiiily of their own.
We Are Dad. color. 6 8 min. Michael Horvat, Indie Pictures, 2 9 3 4 Beverly Glen Circle, PMB 392, Los Angeles, CA 90077; 310-289-9595; www.indie-pictures.com. 2004. DVD $24.95.

THE DEVELOPING SCHEDULE

UNIVERSAL D DOG CARE & SOUTHWEST GARDENING FITNESS DVDS

DEC JAN 0 9

MAGAZINES
Gay Parent, 1998. bi-m. $22. PO Box 750852, Forest Hills, NY 11375; 718-380-1780; www. gayparentmag.com. ISSN 1545-6714.

This publication of 16 to 24 pages in newsprint tbrniat addresses all of the substantial issues involved in gay parenting: adoption, fostering, surrogacy, and general child-rearO

This documentary relates the travails and delights of two gay men. botb nurses, who form a family by fostering HIV-positive children and raising them with great care and love. Consisting of poignant interviews, the film critiqufs the prohibitions against gay adoption, demonstrating decisively that homophobia deprives chil-

For a complete schedule, go to www.libraryjoumal.com. Publishers wishing to submit titles (new and/or back(ist) should contact Wilda Williams four to six months in adwance of issue dates listed above ( 6 4 6 - 7 4 6 - 6 4 7 2 ; Email: WWilliams@reedbusiness.com; snail mail: Library Journal, 3 6 0 Park Avenue S., New York, NY 10010).

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