THE BLUEPRINT

Redefining Yourself and Your Relationships with Men

Wil Townsend

THE BLUEPRINT
by Wil Townsend
Copyright 2010 by Wil Townsend

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

ISBN-10 0979587824 ISBN-13 9780979587825

Cover Photography by Guillermo Albornoz

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases. For information, please write to: Wil Townsend P.O. Box 327 Red Bank, NJ 07701

Printed in the United States of America Third Edition April 2010

(Previously published as The Blueprint to the Izm)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means -- for example, electronic, photocopy, or audio recording, without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the publisher. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet, or via any other means without permission of the publisher is prohibited, unlawful, and is punishable by law. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. Please purchase only authorized print or electronic editions. Do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the authors rights is greatly appreciated.

TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction .......................................................................... 1 What is the Blueprint ....................................................... 8 Episode 1 The Game All men are dogs, if you are using meat as your bait! The Game (Entering the Battlefield) .......................... 13 Understanding the Tangled Web ............................. 24 Dont Slow Your Role, Know Your Role ................. 44 R.E S P E C T. (Find Out What It Means to a Man) .... 48 The Rules of Nature (Predator vs. Prey) ................... 51 Relations vs. Relationships ....................................... 52 The Simplicity of a Man ............................................ 53 The Authentic Challenge (The Power U) ................... 54 Understanding What Youre Working With .......... 55 Casting the Proverbial Spell ................................. 57 Keeping His Attention (Always Leave Him Wanting More) ................... 59 Lets Summarize Episode 1 .................................... 61 Episode 2 Signs of the Times The more things change, the more things SHOULD stay the same. The Signs of the Times ............................................... 65 The New Man (A Dangerous Contender) .................. 72 The Influence of Mass Media .................................... 75 The Internet Connect ................................................. 76 The Feminist Movement ............................................ 77 The Reciprocal Recession .......................................... 78 The New Trinity: Me, Myself, and I ........................ 80 Lets Summarize Episode 2 .................................... 86 Episode 3 The Core The Beginning Creating the perfect version of you! The Core (The Beginning) ............................................ 91

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What You Bring to the Table (Knowledge of Self) ............................................... 99 A Season for Self ......................................................... 103 Self-Inventory .............................................................. 104 Clear and Concise (Knowing What You Want) ......... 107 The Power of a Woman (History) .............................. 111 The Indecisive Nature of a Woman .......................... 116 The Decisive Nature of a Man ................................... 117 The Sync 7 .................................................................... 120 The Mutual Needs of a Man and a Woman ............ 125 The Basic Needs of a Man .......................................... 126 Where do Dogs Come From? ................................... 129 Lets Summarize Episode 3 .................................... 133 Episode 4 The Pitfalls Look deep before you leap! A Man DOES NOT Think Like a Woman ............... 137 The Differences Between a Man and a Woman ......................................... 137 The Death of Courtship .............................................. 141 To Shack or Not to Shack, (The Lacking in Shacking) .................................... 143 The Investigation ........................................................ 146 When is the Right Time to Introduce Your Man to Your Children? ........................... 157 Ignoring the Red Flags ............................................... 161 The Syndrome Cycles ................................................. 165 The Savior Syndrome ......................................... 166 The L/L Syndrome .............................................. 166 The Insanity Syndrome ...................................... 168 Identity Theft (Balancing Yourself in the Relationship) .............. 170 Avoiding the Downward Spiral ............................... 171 Outside Influences ...................................................... 172 Lets Summarize Episode 4 .................................... 177
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Episode 5 The Playas The Personality Perils - A Dysfunctional Mess! The Men Mr. Illusionist ..................................................... 181 Mr. Dog, Mr. Wolf, Mr. Playa .......................... 183 The Down-Low Brotha ..................................... 184 The Seasonal Man ............................................. 186 The Women Ms. Rebound Chaser ......................................... 189 Ms. Hater ............................................................ 190 Ms. Crumb Snatcher ......................................... 191 Ms. Bum Taker ................................................... 191 Ms. YeYe (Yesteryear) Star ............................... 192 Ms. Innocent One .............................................. 192 Ms. Drama Mama .............................................. 193 Ms. Analytical Overthinker ............................. 193 Ms. Savior ........................................................... 194 Ms. Bling, Bling (The Gold-digger) .................... 195 Ms. Moment Catcher ........................................ 195 Ms. Reformer ..................................................... 196 Lets Summarize Episode 5 ........................... 197 Episode 6 Back to Basics A Revolution is Coming! The Plan (Always Leave Him Wanting More) ............ 201 The Implementation ................................................... 202 The Results .................................................................. 203 Lets Summarize Episode 6 .................................... 204 Episode 7 Guidelines Things to do, things to read, and when to run like hell! Self-Inquiry Q&A Checklist ...................................... 209 Investigation Checklist .............................................. 211 The 21-Day Theory ..................................................... 213
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Poetic Notes Im in Love with Potential by jessica Care moore .................................. 215 The Realization by Antoinette M. Dailey ............................. 217 The Conclusion ............................................................ 219 The Final Episode ....................................................... 220 Lets Summarize Episode 7 .................................... 222 Episode 8 Resources and References Information you should know, because knowledge is key. It can save your life! Sexually Transmitted Diseases .................................. 227 What are Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and Infections (STIs)? ....................................... 228 How Can You Tell if You Have a Sexually Transmitted Disease? ......................................... 229 What are the Common Symptoms of STDs? ........... 229 The Common STDs ...................................................... 229 HIV and AIDS ............................................................. 232 The High Cost of STDs ............................................... 233 STD-Related Reproductive Cancers and Disorders ..................................................... 234 Conclusions................................................................... 235 Additional Resources ................................................. 237 Contacts ........................................................................ 239 Bibliography ................................................................. 241
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Wil Townsend

THE INVESTIGATION
So youve made it past the first few dates. You have the dreamy eyes because he is saying and doing all the right things that need to be said and done. All your girlfriends approve of him and now youre thinking and dreaming about taking it to the next step. You want to introduce him to your family. Your mind is filled with nothing but wonderful thoughts and possibilities. There is no doubt that this relationship is headed straight for one place, the bedroom. WAIT! STOP! THINK this thing through. FIRST! I dont want to be the moment destroyer, however, you must think before jumping into a bed of lust. As I said before, if you want to see where our society is going just watch television and read the newspapers. So before you run to the mall and strai ght to Sexy for Women or Victoria Secrets lingerie shop there are a few questions you need to ask. It is the investigation stage and you need to do some more investigation. You should have talked to him about his sexual health. If you havent, do so before you make the intimate connection before you get into something you will regret later and possibly forever. I know it is awkward, but my motto is better safe, than sorry start asking your questions. It is difficult when you are really feeling someone to ask these questions but think of it as a life or death situation, because it really is. All you have to do is look up the statistics on the rising HIV/AIDS epidemic and you will be able to quickly see the importance and necessity to ask questions and sometimes do even more. Id even go further and say get tested together. There are other sexually transmitted diseases that are not life threatening like Chlamydia which can lead to infertility and what about Herpes, which stays with you for life? There are other sexually transmitted diseases/viruses that can cause cervical cancer. I dont want to scare you as much as I want educate and inform you about these being real possibilities. This is not the time to be shy or timid about asking questions with the person you are about to give yourself to. If you are at a loss for words or questions, heres some help. (1) Are they sexually healthy? (2) What about protection, for me or him/her? (3) Are you both on the same page or does one of you have a hidden agenda? (4) Is your partner willing to satisfy/please me? (5) Who is this person, do I really know them well enough to lay down with them? When we talk about using protection dont get things confused. Protection, like condoms are more for STD protection. Although a relatively good source of protection for pregnancy, it is not always reliable. What if it breaks? Do not leave the responsibility up to him. Perhaps you are on the pill, IUD, the patch or take injections to protect you against pregnancy. However, if an accident happens, how will you deal with it? Better yet, how will he? You need to know what happens if you were to become pregnant. Other questions to ask (and many dont), is what are his views on abortion. What are yours? How does he feel about fatherhood? If you are not prepared to ask the questions, you should ask yourself this one important question before you go any further. Why am I having sex with this person in the first place?

Other areas of importance that are neglected are finding out his intentions. Are they the same as yours? You really need to be sure because many women go into that room with one idea in their heads and when it is all over and done they find out his intention was completely different. So before sex, make sure you both are on the same page. If you have decided that you have no expectations attached with the act of sex and you simply want to be satisfied physically or just enjoy the act of sex itself, go for it. As long as you both know the deal. You must be honest with yourself though. Some women fool themselves into believing it all good when in fact deep within they have other intentions or hopes. Talk to your partner, and be clear. Though sex is an extremely enjoyable act, it can, has and does complicate things if you are not clear. The bottom line is women dont ask the important questions. Those are the questions relating to intimacy but what about these questions: (1) Do you think hes a great leader for you? (2) Do you think hes a great leader for your children? Do you take the time to make projections, if we were to sleep with each other where would we be tomorrow, next week? Would we still be together? If I were to eliminate the sex factor, would we still have a relationship or would the end come in days, weeks or months? The thing isif a woman exercised some restraint in the early-stages, before she gets played shed never end up at the bitter stage. If she learns how to investigate properly, she would be able to make decisions that will best suit her in the situation. I repeat best suit her. If you do this you will never have to be identified with, nor will you identify with these women who live a life of regret filled with negativity only because they had no self-discipline and were concerned with self-indulgence. The drama concerning babies daddies or how all men are dogs. You will not be able to identify because you will have taken the proper steps necessary to avoid that predicament. Youre able to clear the pa th of the B. S. to get to the one thats right for you. If you are an owner of a corporation (the body that you own) you must make sure your employees (the man of interest) are on the same page in order to produce a quality product (the relationship you seek). I feel that women do not do that, let alone understand that its a must before further contact. I feel that women not only make poor decisions in men due to the lack of investigating but get intimate before knowing if that man of interest and her are both on the same page. This is what the L/L syndrome is all about, women are about Love and men are about Lust. (See Episode 4 - The L/L Syndrome). My thing is, dont cry asking why there are only dogs entering your life? Dont cry why he picked up and left you with child? Dont cry why hes not a father to his children? Dont cry about the negative things that men have done to you if you have not or will not take the responsibilities for self. Some of you may have fit into this category at one time or another, had you done your proper investigation you may have found out the necessary things to avoid all these misfortunes. Maybe the man you were with really didnt want children, didnt have the capabilities of being a good father, and never really wanted a relationship but instead his desire was to have a bed buddy. If youd done your investigation you may have found out that the person that you were with is not capable of giving what it is that you needed to grow as a couple. If the proper investigation was done from the beginning you may have found out that the person youre with may not know how to, let alone want to build a strong foundation. I think women are afraid to do the proper investigation because they might be looked at as being nosy and if they are really into the guy, as I said before dont want to be scratched off that mans roster. See my point is, women have to start stepping up to the plate. Women have to start running their bodies their temples, like a corporation. You must do the proper investigation to find the proper candidate for your business to merge with to make a

stronger entity. You women must ask more questions interview as if he was interviewing for your business. You want to know if hes been to jail, you want to know everything, how is this man under pressure, is this man very moody, is he very violent, how was a relationship with his mother, does he respects other people, other women, you want to know how his work ethics are on-the-job you want to know the things you need to know to have a successful business or a success relationship all before letting him into your business, your Corporation, your temple, your body! Then after asking yourself all these questions the most important question is, is this something that I want in my life. Because if this man was to come into your life without you doing the proper investigation hes not only going to cause chaos, but he is acting, the head of the household and will inject the household with this type of poison. My view is that it starts from the core and a lot of women refuse to do a lot of the research because they look only at the surface of things being a mans looks, the texture of his hair, color of his eyes, job status, or maybe just things that are in his possessions, cars, money, homes, etc Although it may sound silly it has been said by many women of different races from different parts of the world. Youll be very surprise to know, but there are many women who are with men because of certain attributes that Ive mentioned above. Theyre women who are with men because they have curly hair, theyre woman who are with men because of the color of the man eyes, feeling and thinking if I was to get pregnant my children would have those eyes. I met a woman who was 36 years of age who says shes in love with her man because he looks a lot like Derek Jeter, the short stop for the New York Yankees, but he cheats on her all the time. Its so very stupid and most of all very, very embarrassing. By doing the proper investigation you can save yourself a lot of time and pain. Do I think that this need to be done on a constant basics on anyone your dating or only a man that you are getting serious with? Now I would like to say that I do not know the points on which women get serious or not but if and when you become serious with a man of your choice thats when the proper investigation must take place. People have forgotten the foundation of the steps. People in the dating game have lost their sense of direction. They have forgotten what the dating, and courtship thing is really all about. If there is so much wrong, and we know there is, then who is going to step up and take full responsibility? Who is the blame? If you are still confuse listen up! Im not telling women to hate men, to keep away from men, or that women are very stupid and easy to manipulate, no Im not saying that at all. What Im saying is... if you and the man youre interested in are on the same page, then it shouldnt be that complicated and problematic. Example: If you see someone that you are interested in, your physically and sexually attracted to this man and you are well aware that he feels that way too, then you both are on the same page. You are two consenting adults sharing the same feelings at the same time; thats being on the same page. Now where the problem comes in with this situation is when both parties, the two consenting adults go in with the same thoughts (on the same page) but come out with two different game plans. You see, after a woman has been intimate, she more than likely will be more attached emotionally. A womans thought pattern goes something like this... she thinks after they have connected on an intimate level the feelings will intensify and there will be more to follow. However, the man comes out thinking it was just sex. You see my point; two people getting intimate, wanting to be intimate, acting on the physical attraction and sexual desires and needs that two adults have, they want the same thing and they get it, but each comes out with two different plans moving forward.

Women should know what it is that they want and need first before going out looking for men of interest. Women need to acquire a completely new and different mind-set when dating or looking for a great candidate for their Corporation. There are specific criteria and directions that you need to go in. You need to be aware of specific signs. I am taking about RED FLAGS and danger signs. A red flag should pop up when hes not sharing, hes not giving, hes selfish, he may be not a good leader, and those are real problems. Are you going to deal with that? Right then and there you need to make a decision for yourself. One of the problems that many men have with women is you call men all sorts of names like dog or a wolf or proclaim that men are just no good, etc... Women are criticizing men and making statements like men dont know what they want and they need to get their stuff together. All this may be true, however, the feedback I got from men say there are women between the ages of 25, 27 maybe 29+ who have three to four children (some have more). They are high school drop outs, with no GED, no ambitions or dreams. These women bring absolutely nothing to a relationship, they may not even bring potential and to top it off they are selfish and self-centered. Nevertheless, their hand is out, wanting for something and yet its these same types of women who find the audacity to condemn and criticize men. Lets loo k at it from another standpoint. You chose to lie down and have sex with that man and when he doesnt want a relationship with you or to be around you any more, now you put him in a category and hes called every name in the book women love to call men. All the while youre just upset because hes not doing what you would want him to do, possibly being your man. Maybe the truth of the matter is he got what it is he truly wanted. But if youve done the investigation and not so quick to jump in bed you wouldve found out what his main objective was. Now as I said before yes, I believe men have helped in that downward cycle when it comes to some women, and men as well need to get many things in order because we have major situations and issues of our own but Im reaching out to you, women. Women go out with men and get excited about this man then he disappoints you and keeps doing it over and over. You go into excuse mode, telling yourself and friends, for weeks possibly months. You just cant believe the man you were so into, the one you talked to friends about and possibly to some that may have ended a past relationship over, now this new man have ways you dont like and hes not what you thought he was, your new man is an ass-hole. Now youre trying to cover up and come up with explanations for why this man is behaving the way he is. You come up with silly, ridiculous, outrageous excuses excluding the real truth, and the truth was he wasnt and isnt for you, but some women will stay and try to reform him (See Episode 4 - The Insanity Syndrome). So many women I was surrounded by over the years always seemed to neglect to do the proper investigation of the men they decided to deal with. In each and every case by neglecting to do this one very important thing it caused much heartache and despair in their lives. As the saying goes a moments pleasure can bring a lifetime of pain. The proper investigation is the most important prerequisite to any good relationship. Without it, you end up wasting a whole lot of time and in the process getting used up. The Bottom line, you certainly dont get what it is you want and in the long run, you lose. Many women preach they want oranges but have no problem whatsoever settling for apples. There is no doubt in my mind that women want to be in good solid relationships but they dont want to put in the work. What I mean is you dont just let anyone into your home. Women need to first be true to themselves. People are so good at pointing the finger at others; weve been doing it so long we never realize that we are doing it.

One reason why women are losing in this dating game and their quest to find a man thats right for them is they are not clear as to what it is they want. It is unfortunate that so many of us go through life never learning anything from past mistakes. What happens is, we continue to make the same mistakes over and over. But what is more absurd is that we will continue to do the same thing again and again and yet we think it will bring forth a different result. This is the definition of insanity. The result will not change no matter how many times you repeat it. So if you are wondering why you seem to be jumping in and out of relationships it is because you are the blame You are in control of yourself and how others treat you. If you keep doing the same thing, it doesnt matter if it is with a different person, the result will be the same. If its the same formula, you will have the same results. Heres a true story for youI knew this woman who told me about her relationship and how it was approaching its end... Her boyfriend suggested they seek help through counseling and deep inside she wanted this as well but she was afraid that if she went to counseling the fault would be hers and she would have been the cause of the problems. Instead of thinking of the relationship and the possibility of salvaging it she decided not to go. She continued doing the same things and finally her boyfriend had enough. He was tired of talking and it falling on deaf ears and he finally decided to leave the relationship. A few weeks after leaving he found out that she was in another relationship. It was obvious that the transition from one relationship to another didnt just happen at that time but was actually going on for sometime prior to the actual breakup. He questioned her about it and she denied that anything had been going on prior to their break up. Words were exchanged and she made a statement that she just wants to be happy and that she wasnt in love anymore. As I listened to the womans story it was obvious she had been doing her thing and was looking for an excuse to justify her actions on what she did. She knew what she had done was wrong but said that things got out of control. After she finished with telling me her story I said to her its easy to fall out of love in your situation when you have someone on the side to fall for, but the grass isnt always greener on the other side; she nodded to me as she continued her story. Now in the relationship with this other man that she quickly began this new relationship with (not taking time out for herself) she neglected to investigate. I guess because she knew him many years ago she felt that was enough to start another relationship without investigating. But the truth of the matter is people change and the things you used to know about this person are not the same. They have experienced different things and it changes people from what you may have known about them in the past. The relationship ran its course, her believing shes in a better situation so she completely destroyed the bridge to and from the ex-boyfriend. On occasion when the opportunity came to speak with one another, she had attitude, resorted to being cocky towards her ex which was unnecessary. He had accepted the end of the relationship and was mature enough to want to maintain a lets be friends attitude. Instead, she resorted to slandering his name. But truth be told, it was all these things she did to try and justify and cover up the truth about herself and games she had been playing and the lies she had been living. In her mind, it was important to make herself look like the victim and to gather allies in the process so that she could validate her actions. As time went on she started to see things for what they were and things with the new guy werent turning out as she had hoped and planned. He didnt make her feel the way she thought she would. About 10 months later, she started to rethink her actions and what she had done to her ex.

She began to realize quickly she may not be able to go back and repair the damage done with the ex and now she had to push forward. Since things werent working out with her new man she had to paint a more attractive picture and began lying to family and friends about this new man. Telling friends how things were great, when they were not; how he treats her good, at the beginning but now feels hes cheating. This woman began to realize she had made a bad choice and rather than accept that and live with her choice, instead of walking away she began to try and change him into what she wanted him to be. She understands everyone was watching, waiting to see how long it would last and if she would finally make the right choice. The pressure was on so she continued to lie keeping herself in a negative situation, hoping he would change. Time went by and he dogged her then broke away from her little by little until the bond in which they shared was gone. But as I said before in the book, he doesnt totally shut her out. He keeps her around for just sexual pleasure, giving her false hopes and deep inside she knew this and her position. As this woman and myself continue to speak she said it was at that time she realized how mentally wounded she had become. I cannot emphasize the importance of investigating the person you are contemplating being with and that A Season for Self is obligatory.