Romeo & Juliet: A Hate Story

Cast: Director (AK): Akshay Janitor/Romeo: Aditi Juliet: Yogada Rival: Omkar Capulet: Yeshwanth Montague: Swathi Narrator: Neeha Priya Concept: Yogada ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Narrator: The scene is in a theatre, 2 hours before the play omeo and Julietis set to start. The director of the play has just found out that his lead actor had met with an accident. To add to the misfortune, he learned that the accident was with the substitute actor! Director: (on phone) You WHAT?! I don care, you have to come. You must! You should! You can NOT come!! It our opening day and you play ROMEO part! Well, it would be okay if the sub was here, but he not here, either!.... Oh. You were stupid enough to go hit his car, were you? Are you both in the hospital? Okay. Listen. I do not care if you have to drag yourself from the hospital halfnaked. You WILL make it, and you WILL do the play! (cuts call) Janitor: Hey boss! Director: Later! (paces) (phone rings; director picks up) Aagh! For heaven sake! Fine, don come. Rot in that filthy hospital of yours! (throws phone across the room) Janitor: AK? All okay? Director: No! Cleaner boy! YOU will play Romeo today! You e watched the rehearsals so many times, surely you can do the part? Janitor: Um.. No, I don think I can.. What happened to..? Director: Just go get ready, will you? Janitor: But I don know my lines?!! Director: (sighs) There a copy of the script on my desk. Learn your lines as you get ready. Go, go, go! Janitor: Okay, okayJeez!

Narrator: And so it came to be that our hard-working, but frankly dim-witted janitor came to play Romeo in the most important play of the director life. Meanwhile, there already a person in the director office! Remember the eavesdropper in the last scene? Well, he is the director rival, and has entered his office to try and ruin his future career. How will he manage? Let see. Rival: I can let his play be a hit. I will never forget the way he jeered at me after winning all those awards. I have to do something, or else my own play will be a flop. Think, man, think! (starts pacing) (facepalm) That parody script! I know I have it here somewhere! (starts emptying pockets) Here! (switches script) Soon, irectorAK will be reduced to nothing, and not a soul will be able to stop my rise to fame! [EVIL LAUGH](hears footsteps) Oh, damn! (hides beneath desk) Janitor: (walks in & stops to tie shoelaces. After getting up) Strange. I could have sworn I heard someone in here. Anyways.. Ah, there it is. (picks up script & walks out) Rival: (gets up) In your face, AK! [EVIL LAUGH] (stops) Not again! (ducks under desk) Director: (walks in, talking) Doesn look like the original, he says. Who does he think he is? William Shakespeare grandson? Stupid janitor! Juliet: Calm down, AK. Janitors really don know much about Shakespeare and his plays. Who cares what he thinks about the script? Director: Forget that. I called you in here to tell you that he going to mess up. I can feel it. I need you to repair the damage he causes. Think on your feet. Be spectacular. Be awesome. BeJuliet! Juliet: Yeah, whatever, boss. Don worry too much about it. I l handle it. (walks out) Director: (groans) I finished! (Walks out) Rival: (comes up and bangs the desk) CAN I FINALLY COMPLETE MY EVIL LAUGH?! Narrator: Well. So, our poor Romeo is stuck with a spoof script. Before we go into the great play, let have a small overview of the Romeo-Juliet story. There are two rival families, the Capulets, which is Juliet family, and the Montagues, which is Romeo family. Both families hate each other and this is the reason Romeo and Juliet can openly state their love for each other. Here the story in one line: It was a relationship between a 13 year old and a 17 year old that lasted 3 days and caused 6 deaths. And now you e all caught up. Back to the playThe drama has begun in the theatre and the audience is expecting yet another tragic romantic act.. But this time it will turn out to be.. Something ELSE...

(Romeo and Montague enter) Romeo: (loudly) I do not understand why we must fight the Capulets Montague: (stares and hisses) It not part of the script, dummy! Shut UP! (Capulet enters) Capulet: My sword, I say! A Montague is come, and flourishes his blade in spite of me! Montague: Thou villain Capulet! Have at thee, coward! (sword fight begins) Romeo: (halfway through sword fight) STOP! Where Juliet? Juliet! (runs off-stage and pulls her in) Juliet: What are you doing, youFilthy Montague! Romeo: Let us watch our family fight to the death! How romantic! (to the fighters) Continue, continue, please. (nudges Juliet and winks) Juliet: Creep! Romeo: (low voice)Shut up! It's not part of the script! Juliet: (low voice) As though YOU stick to the script so much, idiot. Narrator: And this is just a taste of what is to come. Our Replacement Romeo keeps bungling up the play, though, in his defence, he did learn the parody version quite well. Juliet is forced to use all her talent and spontaneity to keep the play from flopping entirely. Let cut to the famous balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet. Ignore the obvious lack of a balcony here. Romeo: Juliet coming to the window! I need to hear her speak! Juliet: Ay me! Romeo: She speaking! Speak again, bright angel! Where my voice recorder? Juliet: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art though, Romeo? Deny your father name and I will never be a Capulet again! Juliet Montague, can you imagine that? (pukes) Romeo: Should I talk or keep listening to a 13 year old girl fantasize about me? God, I such a stalker! Juliet: He a Montague, I a Capulet. Our parents want to kill each other. So much for parental guidance. But why should a name get in the way of our love? Would candy be any less sweet if called by another word? Romeo: For you, I l do anything, even renounce the name of my forefathers. I l never look at any other girl again. If I do, I l gouge my eyes out.

Juliet: Who there? Be warned, I have pepper spray! AND, I know karate! Romeo: Hey, I know karate too, okay? Can pepper spray be used on food, I wonder? Juliet: Oh. It you. That was a retarded question, and seriously, I don know the answer. Have you tried Googling it? Romeo: Not another Google user! What happened to Yahoo? Juliet: Isn that for cowboys? Romeo: No, I think cowboys go eehaw instead. Juliet: Right. Are there even cowboys in the 17 th century? Romeo: I don know, but I l tell you in 300 years when Yahoo is founded. Juliet: How did you get here? I sure I let the dogs out. (Who let the dogs out) Romeo: My love for you let me fly over the walls. Either that, or I walked through the side door, it was unlocked. You really should get new guards. But I can tell you this: Neither wall not blade will stop me from seeing you! (Titanic moment) Juliet: How did you find me? Romeo: Remember when we were watching our cousins fight to the death? I slipped a tracking device into your pocket then. Juliet: Like in James Bond? That so cool! Where did you get it? Romeo: Off Flipkart. You get anything there. Juliet: Oh, so it like Big Bazaar? Romeo: Yeah, I guess. I don really know, I e never been to Big Bazaar. I not sure you have any in 17th century Italy. Juliet: Anyways, back to the script, or AK will murder us. Do you love me? Romeo: Didn I just say I did for the last three pages of the script, lady? If you wish, I l swear by the moon. Juliet: I 13! Don call me ady And don swear by the moon: It always changing, waxing and waning. Romeo: What should swear by, then? Juliet: Don swear at all! Romeo: I can say hit Juliet: Definitely not!

Romeo: What about loody hell Juliet: Nope. Romeo: Not even a little ell Juliet: Well, maybe you can say that. Romeo: Hell yeah, baby! Juliet: Swear by yourself and I l believe you. Romeo: I, Romeo, who does not want to be a Montague but still sadly is, do hereby swear on myself, and Darth Vader, and Bambi the Deer, and Salazar Slytherin, and Adolf Hitler, and snakes and hell and cookies and ice-cream that I love Juliet Capulet. Juliet: (sighs) Romeo: Still not convinced? Fine, then. (Gets down on one knee and sings Love Story by Taylor Swift) Juliet: (gushes) Good night, dear Romeo. If you still want to marry me tomorrow, text me. Romeo: Um.. I can , I sorry. My phone is out of credit. Will you send me an email instead? Juliet: Sure, what is the id? Romeo: choc_chip_cookiz@gmail.com Juliet: Chocolate chip cookies? Are you serious? Romeo: What? It's called alliteration! Half the stuff this guy writes is poetry! You don't hear me complaining about my email address so leave my chocolate chip cookies alone! And besides, they taste good. Juliet: Fair enough. Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow! Narrator: The spectators were almost rolling in the aisles, laughing. They had never seen anything like this before! The school kids who were there on an assignment realized that they would never see anything as priceless as their teachersexpressions! A new day dawns, in the play of course, and Romeo finds Juliet in the middle of a street. How would the play end? Romeo: Juliet! Hey, Juliet! I e decided. Juliet: What? Romeo: I said, I e decided.

Juliet: What? Romeo: I have made up my mind. Decided. Juliet: I heard the first time. Romeo: Then why ask? Juliet: Never mind. What have you decided? Romeo: I don want to marry you after all. You e too young for me. And I too old for you. And I too young to marry. And so are you. Plus, you act like my mother. I can say hitor loody hellaround you. You're so fat, you wear two watches because you live in two different time-zones. No, I e decided not to marry you. Look at my new girlfriend! (pic) Juliet: (stares, shocked. Stomps her foot angrily) I never want to see your face again, you filthy animal. Stupid Montain-Goo! Romeo: Hey, it Montague! Juliet: No one cares, jerk. (slaps him and walks away) Romeo: Fine! I l live happily ever after and ride horses and go hunting and fishing and play polo and drink wine and say hitand fart whenever I want! You got that?! I happy! Juliet: (from offstage) YOU were the one who dumped ME, dipshit! This relationship is OVER. And so is the play!(throws ring at Romeo) Romeo: Hey! That ring cost ten whole bucks! (picks it up and runs after Juliet) How dare you! Narrator: So there you have it. The play presented had the audience in splits. The theatre was jam-packed every day of the show. Our Replacement Romeo acted every day, and his acting career got a major boost. The director was happy with the money and fame, and even went so far as to invite his rival to the next screening. Needless to say, he got back the invitation, torn to bits. Oh well. You can have it all, can you?