For

Alyson Bari Weisman

Written: March 21, 1997

Revised: August 23, 1998

Dearest Aly,

I love you. These words are easily said, but just saying them is not enough
to truly communicate a father’s feelings. I want to set some of my thoughts down
on paper for you to read and tuck away. I hope you will reread this letter in the
future ... When you are off in college; when you are off on your own; when you
marry; and when I’m no longer around.

Aly, I loved you from the first moment I saw you and held you in my arms.
My first-born, my little girl has grown to the threshold of womanhood. What a joy
it was to cradle you on my lap; to touch your tiny fingers; and stare into your
eyes!

All too soon, you took your first steps and toddled off to explore your
surroundings. Before long, you will stride out confidently to make your mark on
the world. As parents, we want you to grow and mature, yet we still dread the
times we have to let you go: Out of sight; beyond our control; off to school; away
to camp; out on your first solo drive. Until you are a parent yourself, you’ll
never understand the tender anguish of these events. In the eagerness of youth,
you breeze by these milestones with nary a look back. What will we do when you
wave good-bye and go off to college? We must cherish our memories, trust your
judgement and respect your needs – and cry bittersweet tears. Aly, it comforts me
to know that you will always have these words of encouragement and guidance from
my heart.

Mom and I watched you grow, sharing your childhood excitement, your triumphs and
setbacks. We always saw and felt the love reflected back in your sweet smile and
bright eyes. I don’t know what you think of me as a father. You don’t often
confide in me (many teenagers don’t). Someday, when you’re ready, I know you’ll
open up to share your inner thoughts and feelings and give us the benefit of your
own experiences. While I may not be the greatest dad in the world, or the
wealthiest ... I hope you know how much I care, and how I’m trying my best for you
and Holden. Seeing the fine young lady you have become, I know you have received
the riches of our hearts: Love, encouragement, a solid foundation of knowledge,
and good counsel. These are wonderful gifts ... Look for them ... You’ll find
them whenever you open your school bag, your briefcase or your baby’s stroller
bag.

All parents have dreams and hopes for their children. We’ve tried to keep them
hidden so as not to impose them on you. You have exceeded them all! You are a
part of me and yet, unique. You are an individual, but your character shines with
some of the best and noblest traits of your family heritage: Grandpa Ed’s kindness
and compassion; Grandpa Jack’s honesty and common sense, Grandma Sylvia’s good
judgement and devotion to family, and, yes, even Grandmother Janet's strong will
and sharp wit. As you face life’s challenges, you will always have these inner
resources to draw upon. Use them wisely. Be confident. Never doubt your
abilities, and never put yourself down. Don’t be afraid of success – welcome it,
and wear the laurels you earn proudly.

I especially want to tell you that I admire you. You have a strong moral compass
and clearly defined values. Let these guide you, but try not to impose your value
system on others or expect them to live up to all of the high standards you set
for yourself. Maintain your own ethical/intellectual high ground. Don’t ever
stoop from that vantage or hide your abilities to be “liked” by your peers. Be a
leader. Lead by example, and you will always have the respect and admiration of
others. Remember, respect is a precious commodity that cannot be demanded or
bought. It is given freely only to those who earn it. Be ambitious but never at
the expense of your peers, or associates. Keep your own firm convictions, but be
flexible, open-minded, tactful and diplomatic. Life is not all black and white.
Success in law or international relations will depend on your ability to discern
fact from opinion and truth from falsehood to achieve viable solutions and
honorable compromises amid the many shades of gray. Gather knowledge, but do not
mistake knowledge for wisdom. Gain understanding by observing subtle details and
truly listening. When you combine knowledge with understanding and compassion
you’ll possess wisdom.

Happiness, too, is not an all-or-nothing proposition. As the “yin and yang” Zen
symbol implies, there is always a little sorrow in happiness and vice-versa. Seek
happiness in peace of mind and harmony of spirit. Find joy and satisfaction in
your studies, your friendships, personal relationships and in family. Be an
optimist. Look for the best and brightest side of each situation you encounter
and each person you meet. Be circumspect, but don’t be afraid to feel and show
emotion. Work hard, and always keep an eye on your goals, but relax and have fun
too. Be careful though! (Sorry, I can’t help worrying about your health and
wellbeing.) Indulge in moderation, never in excess. Every new freedom brings
with it new rewards, risks and responsibilities. Enjoy life and the marvels of
the twenty-first century. Stop every so often to smell the roses.

Smile! You have a beautiful smile. Be a giving person – give of yourself

emotionally and physically. Be affectionate – a gentle touch can move mountains
and lift the weight of the world. There are times, most times, when we must keep
our emotions in check and many occasions when we must guard our thoughts, but
avoid building emotional walls. Touch the world, and experience its wonders and
beauty.
When you fall in love, and that love is returned in full and equal measure, show
your love with words, deeds, laughter and physical tenderness. True love and
“love at first sight” really exist. It is a powerful experience that affects
body, mind and spirit – you’ll know it when it happens.

I hope you will finish your studies, establish your career and obtain financial
independence before you marry. When you do find your true love, I hope you both
enter the relationship as equals who share the same values and ideals. Look for
someone with a sense of humor – a high achiever, who is bright, creative,
sensitive and practical (like your dad). Be partners in marriage and friends too.
Never abandon your career or your beliefs for the sake of your spouse. Try not to
be too judgmental or critical of your husband. Always build him up, but never at
your own expense. Encourage him, and ignore his minor faults. Don’t sweat the
small stuff. Listen to him, and make him feel that he is the most important man
in the world (except your dad). Always greet him with a kind word, a smile and a
kiss. This will lift the weight of the world from his shoulders – a burden he
thinks he’s bearing alone. Save the day’s problems until after you’ve both
unwound. Agree with him in most decisions, and let him make mistakes. You can
always disagree and diplomatically change decisions later. However, stand your
ground on major issues. Never go to bed angry. Argue fairly, expressing your
feelings without judging his. Always talk things out. If all else fails get
undressed – it’s hard to argue with a naked person. Give each other emotional
space. Enjoy life together, but don’t be afraid to pursue your own interests
independently. Be flexible and forgiving. Men tend to make more mistakes. Don’t
nag or keep bringing up his faults – criticize fairly and constructively. It’s
easy to ignore nagging, but sweetness and kindness cannot be easily dismissed or
forgotten. NEVER tolerate physical or emotional abuse – confront it immediately.
If it happens more than once – LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! Don’t ever blame yourself or
make excuses for it. I’m here for you whenever and wherever you need me. Your
mom, your brother and I will respond instantly to any trouble you have – no
questions asked.

Always look out for Holden. He loves you, and you both share a special emotional
bond. Your mom and I have always been proud of the way you look out for each
other. Remember that Holden will be there for you long after we are gone. Never
lose touch with one another, and communicate as often as possible. Share all your
happy occasions together, and cling to each other whenever sorrow, disappointment,
sickness or doubt trouble you.

Aly, you are beautiful inside and out, and you’ve got a bright, exciting future
ahead of you. Don’t be too conservative. Be creative, and take prudent risks
when necessary. Follow through on any project or venture you undertake. Don’t
quit if the going gets tough – If it’s worthy of your effort, see it through.
You’ve got what it takes to succeed, but don’t be too proud to ask for help if you
need it.

G-d has blessed us with you and blessed you with a lovely personality and spirit.
I hope someday you will return to and fully appreciate your religious heritage.
Always be proud that you are a Jew. Never forget that your great grandparents
died for their belief. I wish you come to know the comfort, strength and joy of
the Torah. “Its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace.”

Hopefully, when you raise a family of your own, you will share and pass on the
many great values and traditions of Jewish life and law. Without Torah, prayer
and faith in G-d, I would never have survived my life’s troubles and
disappointments. I believe in G-d and the redeeming power of prayer and mitzvahs.
Do good deeds, give to charity, help those in need and serve your community.
Having high moral values is meaningless if they are kept to yourself.

When you look back on your years with us at home, you will realize that most of my
startling, bizarre or anti-social comments were made in jest. They were intended
to spark your indignation with humor and sarcasm. As you reflect on our
conversations, you’ll see that I share your love of truth and social justice.
Often, hypocrisy, inequity or stupidity can best be skewered with wit. Forgive
the ruse, but through all my acting and your re-acting – you turned out OK.

Time passes so quickly! Enjoy your childhood, and cherish your family ties.
Don’t let present opportunities slip away to become future regrets. Take time to
share your feelings, dreams or worries with mom and I while we are still near.
You’ll be off on your own soon enough. We both love hearing about your friends or
new experiences, no matter how trivial they seem. What you may think is an
insignificant detail can be a precious moment for a parent. When you are away at
school, communicate with us often over any and all media. We will miss you
terribly when your presence is no longer a constant in our lives.

Whenever you see us, linger a while to hug and kiss us a little longer ... so we
can mend the part of our hearts that aches with each joyous hello or painful good-
bye. “Sweet dreams”, Aly. Rest assured, the bonds between us will never be
diminished by time or distance. To paraphrase Christina Rosetti’s Poem:

"Remember me when I am far away ... When I can no more hold you by the hand. Yet
if you should forget me, for a while ... And afterward remember, do not grieve;
For if my absence leaves a vestige of the thoughts that once I had, better by far
you should forget and smile, than remember and be sad.”

Aly, reach for the stars, and if you stumble, pick yourself up, dust yourself off,
keep smiling, and be content to be the best you can be.

XXXOOO Mom & Dad

Robert L Weisman, Skokie IL