HOW TO ADMINISTER THE ROD OF DISCIPLINE

Proverbs 13:24
(July 1, 2001)

REVIEW
A. Biblical Necessity for child Discipline (Why we need to discipline our children--Pr 22:15; Gen 8:21; 25:22) B. Biblical Motives for Child Discipline (What are the motives, or objectives or goals in disciplining children) Negative 1. We are not to administer the rod to show children who's boss around the house. 2. It is not for convenience. 3. Not to vent out parental anger 4. It is not to make them suffer because of what they have done to us (e.g. they have embarrassed us or hurt us) Positive 1. To punish wrongdoing. 2. To save from premature death. 3. To drive out foolishness. 4. To demonstrate parental love. 5. To promote a healthy and happy family. 6. To impart wisdom. 7. To produce godly virtue. Today we will begin to look at HOW TO ADMINISTER THE ROD. Most of what I will share to you today comes from the insights of Bruce Ray in his book, WITHHOLD NOT CORRECTION and Charles Swindoll in his book, YOU AND YOUR CHILD: Dealing with Rebellion and Disobedience, and Tedd Tripp, The Rod of Discipline in the CCMs Faith Walk Magazine. First of all let us differentiate between child discipline and child abuse. Charles Swindoll
Since the word discipline is so emotionally charged and so generally misunderstood, we need to distinguish between abuse and discipline. Child abuse has reached tragic proportions today, many people avoid any kind of discipline. But there is a difference: abuse tears down a child's spirit; discipline builds it up.

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Abuse is unfair, extreme, and degrading. It's unduly harsh, unnecessarily long, and totally inappropriate. When you drag children's feelings through the mud and kick them when they're down, you're being abusive. The result? This leaves deep emotional scars that often last a lifetime. Actions like that are not discipline; they're abuse. And abuse doesn't grow out of love; it stems from hate. Discipline is fair, fitting, and upholds the child's dignity. Discipline is built on a foundation of justice. It isn't capricious or arbitrary so the child should have a good idea of the punishment that will be meted out if parental boundaries are willfully and defiantly violated. This form of correction strengthens rather than shatter, the child's self-worth. Discipline is rooted in proper motivation-love and genuine concern-not in anger or expedience. When we read the words "beat him with a rod" we usually conjure up the picture of a brutal beast of a father who pounds away on his son's flesh. This is of course wrong. To beat with a rod is talking about the use of an implement, a rod, for the sake of driving foolishness from the heart of the child. It's not talking about childbattering.

Listen to Swindolls personal testimony:

I went to elementary school with a boy I'll call Chet. I'll never forget him. Chet was the most disobedient, rebellious little guy in our whole class. I sat right behind Chet in sixth grade. One morning I saw something on the back of his shirt that looked like blood. At recess I said to him, "You've got something on your shirt, Chet." He said, "Yeah, I'll show you what I have on my shirt." As he lifted his shirt I became nauseated. There were bright red welts all over his back. The blood had come to the surface of his skin as a result of his father's lashing him across his back with a thick leather belt. He told me all about it. I could hardly believe my ears. I remember trembling, shaking all over. Chester became a hardened rebel, the toughest kid in our high school. He dropped out during the eleventh grade. The last I heard from him he was serving time in the state penitentiary. Wasn't Chester spanked? Wasn't he whipped? Yes. But there was, no reproof, no reasonable instruction, no opportunity to talk things over with his parents. Chester grew up hating his dad and lacking wisdom. He was struck often by an angry father who was determined to beat that boy into shape. That's not discipline. That's disaster.

What Is the Rod? Tedd Tripp

The rod is a parent undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death.

How then are Christian Parents, especially the Fathers, to administer the rod of discipline to their children?

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1. Use the rod. The word rod is used eight times in the book of Proverbs, and every time it means, or has reference to, the application of discipline. Bruce Ray
The rod is an instrument, a tool, a means to help us to administer firm discipline. It may be literally a rod (or a stick), or it may be a Ping-Pong paddle, the belt around your pants, or a ruler. The hand, while it is probably the instrument most readily available to us, is really one of the most inefficient. It takes more effort for it to be felt because the force which is brought by the downward motion of the arm is spread out over five fat fingers. Unlike the rod, the paddle, stick, belt or ruler, all of the force which is used is confined to that narrow area. It takes less force to administer the discipline and yet it is more keenly felt. The rod is also more accurate, and there is much less likelihood of inflicting the kind of damage that may be caused by excessive force.

What part of the body do we apply the rod? The book of Proverbs always says at the back (Pr.10:13, 19:29; 26:3). Swindoll said, God has provided a vast amount of flesh in an excellent area on his bottom. Confine your spankings to that area. Avoid striking the back where the spine may be injured, the legs, the face or other parts of the body. Charles Swindoll
Some physicians say that it is a threat on a child's life to be hit on the face. Neither the rod nor the hand belongs on the face. If God had wanted it to be a hand, He would have said "h-a-n-d." But all the way through Proverbs, the book on how to handle life at home, it's always the rod. I have seen mothers and dads literally slap their children so hard they'd stagger backwards. That's not discipline; that's brutality. The Scriptures never refer to that as the ministry of the rod.

To encourage parents to use the rod, let us not forget that this is not mans idea, nor is it simply a product of ones cultural upbringing or influence. This use of the rod for discipline is Gods idea. Tedd Tripp
The use of the rod is an act of faith. God has mandated it. The parent obeys, not because he perfectly understands how it works, but because God has commanded it. The use of the rod is a profound expression of confidence in God's wisdom and the excellency of His counsel. It is not the parent determining to punish. It is the parent determining to obey. It is the parent as God's representative undertaking, on God's behalf, what God has called him to do. He is not on his own errand, but fulfilling God's.

2. Start early in life. Bruce Ray

Pro 19:18 says, "Discipline your son while there is hope The years of hope are actually much fewer than many of us realize. By the first day of school many of our childs character traits are already set and hardening. As the twig is bent, so goes the
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tree. The storyteller of kindergarten days will be a hardened liar by high school. Thats why it is especially important to begin disciplining children scripturally right away, as soon as they are born. Later on it will be much more difficult, and it may even be too late.

Illustration: My 3 year old son hit his classmate in the head with a toy rake. Swindoll
Susannah Wesley, mother of Charles and John Wesley, is perhaps the classic illustration of one who pursued discipline early in the child's life. She believed the assertive self-will of a child must be broken by the parent early in life. She felt he should know by then that his will must yield to his parents' words and authority. One of her rules in her "plan of education" was:
When turned a year old (and some before), they were taught to fear the rod and to cry softly, by which means they escaped abundance of correction which they might otherwise have had. . . . In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will. . . .

Susannah Wesley's words are wise. The best time to start is when children are young. But what about correcting older children? The rod may be just fine for the little ones but how do you discipline teenagers? The rod applies to all children of all ages. Teen are not exceptions to that rule. But of course, there will be less of the rod as they grow older and more of reproof.

3. Express love. Bruce Ray

All the passages that urge the use of the rod place it in the protected context of the parent-child relationship. The command is "discipline your son." The Bible does not grant permission to all adults to engage in corporal punishment of all children. When a teacher undertakes spanking, the spanking process is removed from its context in the parent-child relationship. The same mother and father who comfort the child when he is sick, who take him to amusement parks, who remember his birthday, give the spanking. A spanking is very different when administered by a stranger. As parents we are responsible to control the atmosphere of a spanking and to generate the warmth and the love which is essential to biblical discipline. It is most natural for parent and child to physically and verbally express their love as soon as possible after a spankingas soon as the child stops crying. The same hand that administers the rod then draws the child to an embrace, assuring the child that the rod was not administered our of hate but out of a heart that loves that child and is concerned for that childs good. Jimmy is confident that, Daddy spanks me because he loves me. I shudder every time I see a parent administer the rod or spank a child and then leave him like a dog to lick his sores. I shiver every time I see a child turn to his dad for assurance of affection after a spanking, and see that father breathe out coldness, rejection, and anger. Its no wonder that after a spanking like that, some of our children run to their rooms, slam their doors, and cry, I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! They need to be assured that we spank them because we love them. They are assured of that when, after the spanking, we embrace them, hug, them, kiss them, and tell them that we love them and that is why we correct them.

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Illustration: Abe and I hugged and talked about the gospel after administering the rod. 4. Apply sufficient firmness. While the rod must be administered in a context of love, yet it is to be done with sufficient firmness to impress the lesson. Bruce Ray
Any correction that would seek to be termed biblical discipline certainly must meet the standards of biblical discipline. In Hebrew 12:11, we discover the minimum requirements for discipline, All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. One of the requirements for biblical discipline in this verse is this: There can be no discipline without causing sorrow. Do our children laugh and giggle or play when they are being disciplined? Do the other children laugh with him? Does the whole family think its a big joke? Then we are not spanking them hard enough. I have seen some parents discipline their children by giving them just a little swat on the bottom that wouldnt even kill a fly if it got in the way! This discipline is doomed to fail. It produces no grief, sorrow, or repentance in the children. On the other hand, it shouldnt be too hard. Certainly it is not possible to establish a standard of firmness and say that a spanking must be so many kiloswats hard. There is not such unit of measurement and there cannot be, for all the forces involved are variable. Each one of our children has a different level of pain tolerance We need to learn the sufficient degree of firmness where we are neither too hard nor too soft. We need to learn to recognize, with each of our children, that point where we have brought grief and sorrow for their rebellion, for grief and sorrow are the marks of biblical discipline.

5. Be consistent. Charles Swindoll

Something that was wrong yesterday is wrong today. Something that brought the rod last week should bring the rod this week. Consistency is perhaps the most important ingredient in proper discipline. We all wrestle with it. Face it; extremes come easy. Balance is hard to maintain. So when it comes to consistent discipline, we blow it. It's our natural habit to volley back and forth between rigid regulation and broad permissiveness with daily nagging and chiding and threatening in between. Our youngsters witness the swing of our pendulum from passive neglect to intense rigidity, then find themselves suddenly inundated with stacks of gifts, often given to silence our own guilt. What a trap! How confusing to children!

6. Discipline privately. Charles Swindoll

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Administer spanking away from curious eyes of gloating onlookers. The child should not be laughed at. We may be at a grocery store. We may be on a trip. But you will never see us discipline our children. We make every effort of not doing it even in front of the other children. It's a threatening experience to watch discipline happen to someone else. So we take them aside. Alone.

Illustration: You know how it often is when kids are brought to the toy section when you go to a department store. Sometimes they scream and kick only to get what they want. Sometimes parents cant wait to take them aside and give their child a whipping in public while people (including other kids) watch. 7. Be Reasonable. Charles Swindoll
As a parent, it's important to distinguish between childish irresponsibility and behavior that is willfully disobedient. Again, Dr. Dobson has some insightful wisdom on the subject.
A child should not be spanked for behavior that is not willfully defiant. When he forgets to feed the dog or make his bed or take out the trash-when he leaves your tennis racket outside in the rain or loses his bicycle-remember that these behaviors are typical of childhood. It is, more than likely, the mechanism by which an immature mind is protected from adult anxieties and pressures. Be gentle as you teach him to do better. If he fails to respond to your patient instruction, it then becomes appropriate to administer some well-defined consequences (he may have to work to pay for the item he abused or be deprived of its use, etc.). However, childish irresponsibility is very different from willful defiance, and should be handled more patiently!

A parent must not permit back talk. Back talk must be discouraged-but not all talk. An unreasonable parent may easily discourage all talk, capping off vital communication. The wise, reasonable parent will do whatever is possible and right to encourage genuine discussion, which includes giving reasons, explanations, clarifications, and information as a child feels compelled to talk about. The youngster may have a worthwhile point he ought to have the opportunity to express.

8. Accompany with verbal reproof. Pro 29:15 in the NASB, KJV, and many other translations (except NIV) render this verse: The rod and reproof imparts wisdom Charles Swindoll
The rod, mixed with instruction, delight, and an understanding, reasoning spirit yield wisdom. Neither one can do the job by itself. The rod without words fails to teach out children the difference between right and wrong. Words without the rod become shallow, empty air. Reproof is not tongue-lashing with cutting remarks that lacerate character. It is verbal instruction arising out of a genuine and deep-felt delight in the child. Too many parents

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rely on punishment alone to discipline their children. But by doing that, theyre neglecting to give their kids the assistance they need in understanding and applying Gods Word for their lives. I have seen occasions where the child simply didn't know what he had done wrong. The rod was used, but the child was in a quandary. Take the time to explain. (It also gives you the occasion to calm down.) Then after the explanation, administer the rod like you mean it.

(To be continued.)

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