Dealing with Noncompliant Children

How can you help noncompliant children who are in your DC4K group?
by Nancy Bell of us who work with children in Many DC4K are frustrated when we death in the family, parental job loss, change of neighborhoods or schools, substance abuse, family violence or neglect. Children often react to stress by displaying inappropriate behavior, especially younger children whose language skills are still developing. The ability to use language is a means for people to get their needs met. If children cannot communicate well, they often become frustrated and will express their feelings by acting out. This is also true for children with language or communication disorders. How can we help noncompliant children in DC4K? Below are some recommendations for dealing with these children. 1. Provide a highly structured environment with clearly defined routines, rules and procedures. Be consistent. This will help children understand what is expected of them and what will happen to them if they comply or dont comply. Changing schedules or rules or not following them all of the time is confusing to children and can make them feel anxious and insecure, which may result in noncompliance. 2. Provide close supervision. Anticipate and plan for those situations in which the noncompliant child has difficulties. Sit next to the child to help him or her calm down. 3. Use vocabulary that the children can easily understand. Speak softly. Use short phrases and sentences, look them in the eye and stay calm and rational.

encounter a noncompliant or oppositional child. Dr. Russell Barkley, authority on disruptive behavior disorders in children, identifies the following examples of noncompliant behavior: Yells, whines, complains, defies, screams, throws tantrums, throws objects, talks back, swears, steals, lies, argues, humiliates, teases, ignores requests, runs off, cries, fails to complete chores, physically resists, destroys property, physically fights with others, fails to complete school homework, disrupts others activities, ignores selfhelp tasks.i Perhaps you have encountered children with these characteristics in your DC4K group. According to Dr. Barkley, noncompliance in a child can be the result of ineffective child management methods by the parents, depression or mental illness in the parents, or noncompliant behaviors modeled by the parents. He says, It is also possible that frequent or chronic stress events within a family create such inconsistency in child management methods by parents that the children are further predisposed to develop or sustain noncompliance within family interactions.ii Separation and divorce are very stressful for families. The children in DC4K may also be experiencing other stressful events such as

4. Give children choices or a set of options. Explain clearly the consequences (both positive and negative) that accompany the choices. 5. Avoid threatening the noncompliant child. Do not be too critical or strict, but maintain firm limit setting. 6. Aggression and angry outbursts are often related to the feelings of frustration or fear. Sometimes talking about negative events in the family will trigger feelings of anxiety or fear in children. Reassure these children, and help them to feel safe. 7. Teach children to label emotions correctly. Provide examples of emotions in others. Discuss the situations that provoke certain emotions as well as ways of handling those emotions. 8. Provide warmth and positive discipline. 9. Teach problem solving techniques. (What is my problem? What are my choices? Which is the best choice? How did my choice turn out? What could I have done differently?) Safekeepers, does any of this sound familiar? It should if youve read the DC4K Leaders Guide, articles in the DC4K LeaderZone Library (www.dc4k.org/leaderzone) and Linda Jacobs (DC4K creators) posts on the DC4K Leaders Forum. If you have not done so, please utilize these important resources. I recommend the following articles from the LeaderZone: Disruptive Children and What to Do Empowering Children Through Choices Movement and the Brain Tips for Accommodating the ADD/ADHD Child Using Music in DC4K What Do You Do with the Whirlwind Kids?

All of Lindas ideas are wonderful for children in pain due to a variety of reasons. She truly has a God-given talent, and we should be soaking up her knowledge like a sponge! Thank you, Linda, for everything youve done for children. I recommend that you develop a list of mental health resources in your area that you can give to parents. Many parents do not know how to access mental health and educational services. Sometimes they dont even know what to ask for or whom to ask. Also, encourage your church to offer parenting classes for parents of children with ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There are professionals in the community who often do such classes free of charge if you provide the space. Call around and find out. If your church does not have a pastoral counseling ministry, introduce the idea to the administrators. God bless you all for everything you do for His children!
Nancy Bell, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor and DC4K volunteer coordinator for Christ United Methodist Church in Mobile, AL. MMVII by the author and/or Church Initiative. All rights reserved. Reproducible only when used with a Church Initiative ministry program. For more information about DivorceCare for Kids or to find a DC4K group near you, go to www.dc4k.org.
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Barkley, Russell Defiant Children: A Clinicians Manual for Parent Training (New York: The Guilford Press, 1987), 11. Dr. Barkley is a psychologist who works at Massachusetts Medical Center, which is affiliated with Harvard University. He is an authority on disruptive behavior disorders in children, including ADD/ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder. ii Ibid., 2122.