Cover Spread May 4/21/09 4:50 PM Page 1

She
She Magazine
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THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD • MAY 2009

IT’S A WOMAN THING!

www.shemagazine.com
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It could be a fall in the home for an older person.
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What You Need to Know about Postpartum Depression

Volume 7 • Issue 3

The Other Side of Motherhood -

Discover the Carolinas difference. One Woman’s Struggle With Infertility
805 Pamplico Highway • Florence, South Carolina • (843) 674-5000 • www.carolinashospital.com
Trying to Measure Up to the Perfect Mom?
Lower Your Expectations and Learn to Enjoy Motherhood
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“The Uncensored Message that My Mother

Asked Me Not to Write...”
tell a dramatic improvement.”
Dear Friend, films, and then “adjusted” my
spine. The adjustment didn’t (D. R.-Florence)
qualifications…I grew up in
the Pee Dee and love it here.
hurt, it actually felt good. I I’m a graduate of Palmer
Well, at first, my mother
got relief, and I could walk College in Davenport, Iowa.
asked me not to write this.
without pain again. It worked Throughout my career I have
We had a big discussion about
so well that I went to chiro- wanted to return to the Pee
it. Finally, she understood
practic school myself. Dee Region and thankfully I
what I was trying to do, and
was able to join Dr. McKay
actually helped me write this
Back to what my mother (at and Dr. Skipper. I am happy
letter to you.
first) didn’t want me to write. to be back where I belong and
It’s that chiropractic is one of doing what I love, helping
Here’s the thing. In my
the biggest “secrets” in health people through chiropractic
office, most of the people that
care. Few people (relatively, and natural healthcare. I’ve
come in to see me tell me
only 10% have been to a chi- been entrusted to take care of
they’ve “tried everything.”
ropractor) know about it. tiny babies to pro athletes
And, many of the rest could that you may know. I just
They’ve had “every” test,
be helped, if they only knew have that low fee to help
wound up with huge medical
the true story. So, I often feel more people who need care.
bills, and are still no better
like shouting it from the Several times a day patients
off. Often, they’ve been sub-
mountaintop! Is that “pro- thank me for helping them My assistants are Debbie and
jected to medications that
fessional?” Well, maybe it is, with their health problems. Jennifer and they are really
have only served to temporar-
or maybe not. But, I’ve But I can’t really take the great people. Our office is
ily mask symptoms. That’s
decided people should know. credit. The truth is that I’ve both friendly and warm and
not what most people are
never healed anyone of any- we try our best to make you
looking for.
For the last nine years, people thing . What I do is perform a feel at home. We have a
from Florence and the sur- specific spinal adjustment to wonderful service, at an
Health, or the lack of it, very
rounding area have come to remove nerve pressure, and exceptional fee. Our office is
often has simple causes, and
see us with their lower back the body responds by healing called ADVANTAGE
very reasonable corrections.
problems. They also come to itself. Of course, all people HEALTH & WELLNESS
That’s what I’m going to tell
me with their: respond differently to care, CENTER and it is at 507
you about. But, before I tell
but we get terrific results. It’s West Palmetto St. (We are
you more, let me tell you
• Headaches as simple as that! across from the Montessori
something about me…
• Migraines School, 1 block from the
• Chronic pain Exciting Offer- Look, I know Venus Pancake House). Our
Back when I was a freshman
• Neck pain you’re smart. You want to get phone number is 843-669-
in college, I injured my back
• Shoulder/arm pain to the cause of your problem, 1010 . Call Debbie or
while water skiing. The pain
• Whiplash from car accidents and not just cover it up with Jennifer today for an appoint-
in my low back and leg was so
• Backaches drugs. When you are one of ment. We can help you.
intense that I couldn’t even
• Numbness in limbs the first 20 people to call and Thank you.
walk, and sometimes I needed
• Athletic injuries schedule a new patient exam
help getting out of bed. I was
just to name a few… (by May 31, 2009) you’ll -Dr.Craig Strickland,
afraid that I’d lose the ability
receive that entire exam for D.C.
to even walk if the disability
Here’s what some of your $27. That’s with x-rays, and
continued. After months of
neighbors had to say: thorough evaluation ….the
prescription drugs, that did
whole ball of wax, and there’s P.S. When accompanied by
more to disrupt my life than
“I have been able to stop taking no hidden fees. But, call right the first, I am also offering the
ease the pain and numerous
pain medication.” away because we expect to be second family member this
steroid injections, I was told
(D.G.-Florence) flooded with calls as this same examination for only
that surgery was the only
exam normally costs $250. $17.
option. Little did I know
“No more migraines and no Again, there’s only 20 of
what would happen. I lost a
more neck pain!” (H. B.- these slots, so don’t miss out.
semester in college (6 months
Florence) P.P.S. Can you imagine not
of my life), and was still hav-
Great care at a great fee… having to wait at a doctor’s
ing problems. But there’s
“I feel better than I have in a Please, I hope that there’s no office? Well, your time is as
more.
long time!” (M. P.- misunderstanding about qual- valuable as mine. That’s why
A friend of mine con-
Timmonsville) ity of care just because I have we have a no-wait policy.
vinced me to give a chiro-
a lower exam fee. You’ll get You will be seen within min-
practor a try. The chiroprac-
“From the very first visit I could great care at a great fee. My utes of your appointment.
tor did an exam, took some
7 4/23/09 1:16 PM Page 2
8 4/27/09 1:26 PM Page 1

Florence Wellness
& Weight-loss Center
under the direction of J. MARSHALL DENT, M.D., BARIATRIC PHYSICIAN,
BARIATRIC ASSISTANTS, JEAN DICKENS & PATRICIA POWELL AND
CERTIFIED PERSONAL TRAINER GEORGE MCELVEEN
NOW OFFERING FULL & MODIFIED FAST AS WELL AS OTHER PROGRAMS TAILORED TO YOUR INDIVIDUAL NEEDS

“ I’ve lost 75 POUNDS!

Lorrie Hayhurst tells her story.
”
HER STORY... At 263 pounds on a five-foot frame, I started a weight-loss program because I was hav-
ing health problems such as high cholesterol and constant fatigue. Always tired, I never felt like doing
anything. Also, it was embarrassing when I had to ask for a seat belt extension when traveling for my
employer. I saw Dr. Dent in November for my annual physical and we agreed that being extremely
obese was the root cause of all my problems. I had to do something.
I chose Florence Wellness & Weight-Loss Center’s Full Fast Diet Plan. I drink five protein sup-
plements per day, along with a lot of water. This plan allows absolutely no food and I’m proud to say
that I have never cheated – not one time. I see Jean Dickens and Dr. Dent on a weekly basis to get
my supplements, vitamins, appetite suppressants and to weigh. They monitor me very closely, check-
ing my blood work every two or three weeks to make certain I’m receiving all the nutrients I need.
Initially, I didn’t exercise because I didn’t have the energy. Now, I walk at least four or five times per
week for at least thirty minutes.
Since I started the fast in December, the hardest thing about sticking to it was getting through
Christmas, New Year’s, my husband’s birthday and our wedding anniversary. In addition, I’m a stress
eater and there were many days that I thought I would fall off the ledge because of the stress of my job.
My desire not to be fat, my desire to be healthy (not skinny), my husband, our families and
my co-workers who support me every lost pound of the way – these desires and people inspire me to
keep going. The praise and support from Dr. Dent, Jean Dickens and the Staff at the Center also keep
me on track. They will never know just how much I appreciate their unwavering support.
Most of all, however, the biggest motivator is the fact that I feel better and better every day that
goes by, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, as well. I have struggled with weight my
entire life. I cannot remember feeling as good physically as I do now, not to mention feeling as good
as I do about myself.
My advice to others is to choose a weight-loss plan that works for you. Set small goals; I set mine in
ten-pound increments so reaching them doesn’t feel so colossal. Also, reward yourself as you meet
before each goal; I started buying flowers for myself.
Now, I weigh 188 pounds and my initial goal is 167 pounds. I’m still doing the Full Fast Plan,
but I haven’t been taking the appetite suppressants for two months now. With a 75-pound total weight
loss, six smaller sizes in clothes and 27 inches in my bust, waist and hips gone, I’m on my way to
reaching all my goals.
after
J. Marshall Dent, M.D. is now certified by the American
Board of Bariatric Physicians, making him 1 of only
10 Board Certified Bariatric Physicians in SC.

Complete Women’s Health Care

See Dr. Dent’s article

J. Marshall Dent, M.D.

Member of North American Menopausal Society • Member of American Bariatrics Physicians
on pg.44

410 South Coit Street • Florence • 665.5055

9 4/22/09 10:40 AM Page 1

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12 4/27/09 4:50 PM Page 1

The Truth About Motherhood

In Every Issue Special Features
14 Letter from the Editor 76 Renee Perdue 92 Dr. Heidi Arsua Berdin
78 Pam Hucks Blackman 94-95 Kitty Daniels
16 She mail
80 Rosa Lee Hines Riley 96 Kelley Prevatte
25 Style File 82-83 Beverly Lane 98 Vickie Elliott
84 Erin Ruth 100 Victoria Zybko
28 She Wants to Know
86 Caren Coon 102 Angela Dent
32 She’s Closet 88-89 Karen Poston Smith
38 There She Goes 90 Erin Segars Faile

41 Shop Talk
Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and
Fine Consignments

47 The World According to

48
Peggy Bowers McLean

In His Own Words

Contributing Writers
18 Cookie Cawthon 56 Beth Grant
Matt Tyler
Heavy Mettle If Mothering Came with
Instructions...
53 Chicks of the Month
22 Katie Edwards, LMT
The DSS Child Care Licensing Office
The Benefits of Massage for the 60 Ouida K. Page, RN, LPC
in Florence
Mom-To-Be Trying to Measure Up to the Perfect
59 Annie at Home Mom?
26 Allie Atkinson
62 Wee She The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Love 64 Jumana A. Swindler
Kate Sansbury The Stress of the Dress and Other
30 Marti Miller Stuff
66 Chick Lit Her Secret Hope
Jeanne Yarborough, LMT 70 Rose Varlaro
34 Rebecca J. Blair Giving Our Children the BEST
104 Sheroes Un-Motherhood
Vanessa Sansbury 72 Ferebe Gasque
36 Sandra Honaker Once a Momma Always a Momma
106 Purse Strings Behold the Nag Queen
Robert LeMaster 118 Paige Thomas
42 Janet R. Sims, LPC Mother, Mary
112 Women at Work Motherhood: What I Learned from
Reanna Stoinoff My Sons 122 Melodie Griffin
I Did Not Sign Up for This!
116 The Sir-Vey 50 Leigh Clary Abdou
Mary, Did You Know? 130 Ferebe Gasque
120 Campus Chick The Other Side of Motherhood,
Anna Hart 54 Anna Kathryn Pitts Rhonda Johnson
Keeping the Past a Part of My
124 And She Cooks,Too! Present

126 Beauty Buzz

132 She Has to Have It!

134 Art & Soul
by Sharman Poplava
Medical Experts
44 J. Marshall Dent, III, MD 110 Lea Pritchard-Boone, PhD
Exploring Hormone Myths Forget Perfection, Forget Blame
136 Who’s That Girl?
and Just Press On!
Haley Tucker
68 Carol Adams, PhD
What You Need to Know 114 Dr. Brian Blair
about Postpartum Depression McLeod Orthopedic Surgeon
Explains ACL Injuries in Female
Athletes
13 4/22/09 3:40 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 13

She M e l ia
a Flowers Berry
Publisher/Editor
editor@shemagazine.com

Tuesday Taylor
General Manager
we are

Advertising & Graphic Design

tuesday@shemagazine.com

Dresden Tucker
Graphic Design
dresden@shemagazine.com

Leigh Clary Abdou

Production Manager
Advertising & Graphic Design
leigh@shemagazine.com This month’s cover of the “Motherhood” issue is an acrylic
painting created especially for She Magazine by Debi Slone. In
Heather Frick
addition to being an artist and the mother of three, Debi is an Art
Intern
Teacher with the Darlington County School District
hfrick@shemagazine.com
Originally from Florida, she has lived in Montana,
Missouri, Maryland and South Carolina, making the Pee Dee area
Ashley Rogers
Graphic Design her home for the past two decades.

ashley@shemagazine.com Debi’s painting, created with honesty and humor, depicts

Beverly Kelly - Executive Assistant
Ray Gasque - Distribution Manager
She mail
E m a i l t o : e d i t o r @shemagazine.com
Mail to: 609 North Main Street • Marion, SC 29571
Call us: 843.423.2393 office line • 843.423.9837 fax line
take us home
For a copy to be placed in your mailbox, send a check or money order
for $38 to the above address for a year's subscription.
She Magazine is published monthly and distributed at over 500 locations throughout the
Pee Dee. She Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or content we
deem inappropriate for the publication. Contributions are welcome and can be sent via
e-mail or snail mail. Please include name, address and contact number. You will be
contacted if we decide to print your submission. Content must be received by the 10th for
the realities of young motherhood. “When my children were lit-
tle, I remember complaining to my mother that there was never
enough time to finish all that needed to be done in the day. She
quoted that wise old saying about how the housework will
always be there waiting, but your children won’t. Enjoy them
while you can and although it doesn’t seem so now, the time is
gone before you know it and all too soon, they will be grown and
raising children of their own.
I also remember, after my kids were born, that finding any
time for myself was rare indeed, including the basics of sleep and
just simply being able to go to the bathroom alone. Even when
I was able to slip away, I would soon be found with little knocks
on the door and voices calling, ‘Mommy!’ So prompted the rea-
son for inserting the thought pillows in the picture where the
young mom is daydreaming of some She -time.
I think moms of all ages can relate to this painting.
For older moms, it touches the memory of that very
special time in our lives when we were young
moms and for young moms, well, they are
living the reality.”

the following month's publication. Letters to the Editor are welcome; however, they may

require editing due to space limitations. The design, editorial and photo content in She is Debi Slone is a mixed-media artist and creates both 2-D and 3-D art. This summer, at
the Averitt Center for the Arts in Statesboro, Georgia, a solo exhibit of Debi’s work is
copyright of She Magazine and may not be reproduced without written permission by the being held on July 3, 2009. Debi offers her original artwork or prints for sale and
publisher. She Magazine is a registered trademark. accepts commissions for artwork. She can be contacted at daslone_art@yahoo.com.
14 4/27/09 10:52 AM Page 1

from the editor

Arriving home from work a few days ago, I opened the door, struggling not to
drop the bags of groceries I was carrying, along with my purse and a notebook filled with
work I had to get done before going to bed. I was tired and the sight of the “done” light
flashing on the dishwasher caught my eye. I knew my daughter had neglected to unload
it – again – and frustration began to build. I put the bags on the counter and turned to
yell,“Haley!” when my eyes fell upon a sight that made the muscles in my throat contract.
Her name hung there, caught somewhere between a whisper and a yell. I felt my eyes
begin to fill with tears. Emotions I can’t explain welled up inside me – a mixture of joy
and sadness, fear and elation. We both stood there looking at each other – she, so much
a reflection of me, the moment surreal.
Haley will graduate high school later this month and, on this day, had received her
cap and gown. Moments before I got home, she had decided to try them on. Seeing my
baby girl standing there dressed in her graduation attire took me completely by surprise.
For weeks, I’ve been preparing myself for the moment I would see her walk down the aisle
to receive her diploma, but nothing could have prepared me for seeing her that night in
our kitchen. The frustration of Haley neglecting to do her chore faded in the second I saw
her standing there. She was no longer a little girl; she was a beautiful young woman
preparing to end a season of her life and begin another.
Time regressed to her first day of preschool. I could see her wearing a Lion King
dress, Lion King shoes with little lace socks and a Lion King book bag over her little shoul-
der. Long, curly locks of soft little-girl hair hung down her back, framing her tiny face. I
could still see the excitement and sadness in her big brown eyes. She was eager to go to
school with her big brother but didn’t want to be without her mommy. Now, she stood
before me, confident and ready to take on the world.
This month, in celebration of Mother’s Day, She brings you “THE TRUTH ABOUT
MOTHERHOOD.” This being our seventh year of publishing a Mother’s Day issue, I want-
ed to do something a little different. We have celebrated wonderful mothers and all the
things that make motherhood so grand. As warm and fuzzy as that makes us feel, it’s just
half the truth. All of us who
have been there – by being a
mother or having one –
know that there is another
side of motherhood.
Beyond the goo-goo ga-gas
and fat little pinchable baby
cheeks is a whole other
realm where sleepless
nights, exhaustion, fears and
failures lurk. For this issue,
I wanted to get women talk-
ing about just such things.
As mothers, we need to be
able to talk about the strug-
(left to right) Jacob, Joshua and Haley –
gles, as well as the triumphs.
Summer Vacation, 1995
From sharing, we learn that
we’re not alone and that
falling short doesn’t mean
we have failed; it means we
are human. Yes, Moms, we
are allowed to be human (a
truth that I am slowly grasp-
ing).
In this month’s feature
stories, you will meet four-
teen women who share
their TRUTH ABOUT
MOTHERHOOD. From our
medical professionals, you
(left to right) Jacob, Joshua and Haley clowning around will find fabulous advice on
being the best mom you can
in a NYC subway – Summer 2008
be as they address topics like “What You Need to
Know About Postpartum Depression” (Carol Adams,
PhD),“Forget Perfection, Forget Blame and Just Press
On” (Lea Pritchard-Boone, PhD) and “Trying to
Measure Up to the Perfect Mom? Lower Your
Expectations and Learn to Enjoy Motherhood” (Ouida Page, LPC).
I’ve been dealing with my own TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD while working
on this issue. As Haley prepares to graduate, I find myself struggling to let go of a phase
of motherhood that I’m not ready to relinquish. As the youngest of my three, her gradu-
ation marks the end of my parenting “children.” I have friends who have counted down
the days to getting their children out of the house and on the road to living their own lives.
I, however, am not one of those mothers. I love having my children around; I love having
everyone else’s children around. My home has been filled with my children and their
friends for so long, I’m afraid of the silence that their growing up and going away will bring.
While I do want my children to be independent and can easily get excited about watching
them experience the next phase of their lives, I have to admit I’m struggling with cutting
the apron strings. I also cringe at the thought of being one of those clingy moms who
becomes the nightmare of the poor man or woman who finds themselves married to her
“baby.”
This is the thing; I find myself caught between them needing me and me needing
them. I love being a mom. While it is the hardest thing I have ever done, it has also been
the most incredible experience of my life.
What is the correct way to mother your children when they are no longer chil-
dren but are not fully on their own? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to call them
anymore. It doesn’t sound right to call them “children,” yet they are my children. (I do
know, however, that if my sons are to one day get married and give me grandchildren, I
must refrain from using “Binkie" and “Joshie Bear." Yes, it's time to let the nicknames go,
I guess.)
THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD is that it just goes too fast. Just a
moment ago, I was wondering how I would make it through the day. I was exhausted and
it was four o’clock in the afternoon and I hadn’t had a chance to get in the shower. I had
three babies under the age of four and I couldn’t see beyond the diapers and bottles and
messy house. Time – that thief that comes when we’re not looking and when we’re too
caught up in the every-day things to notice – came in the form of birthday parties and new
school years and proms and graduations.
The tricky thing, however, is that when your children are grown, you are still a
mother. Once a mother, you will always be a mother. I know that if I’m in my right mind,
with my last breath, I will think about the well-being of my children. That will never change.
MOTHERHOOD is tough. It’s wrought with challenges and I’m convinced that
being a mother is the toughest job on the planet. There is no other role that can evoke
the heartache, provoke the love or release the joy that is felt by a mother.
Years ago, I found this quote by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, “If you bungle rais-
ing your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.” I never for-
got it because I, too, believe that raising our children should be the most important thing
we ever do as women. My three children are my greatest accomplishments and in being
their mother, I have been more than I ever thought I could be.
So, my TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD is that I have to learn to let go of
MOTHERHOOD as I have known it. I have to start snipping at those apron strings so that
when the time comes, the apron will easily fall, setting my children free to live the lives
God calls them to live. I know they will always need me in some form, as I will never stop
needing my precious mother. In many ways, I now need her more than ever before.
Perhaps I need to think of it as, “I am in a MOTHERHOOD transition.”
What is your TRUTH ABOUT MOTHERHOOD? Every mother has a story to
tell and each is as special and unique as the children we love. I hope this issue will encour-
age you in your journey.
Happy Mother’s Day! . . . it’s a woman thing!
Melia Flowers Berry
Editor’s Note: In the seven years that I have published She, my daughter, Haley, has never
asked to be in the magazine. This month, in celebration of her high school graduation, she is
featured in “WHO’S THAT GIRL?” (pg 136). I am so proud of you, Haley!
15 4/23/09 3:27 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 15

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16 4/27/09 10:12 AM Page 1

Dear
She mail
She,
We at Genesis Cosmetic Laser Center were talking about She Magazine’s
staff the other day. All of you are so sweet and nice. You did such a good job pick-
ing your staff.
Thanks for touching our lives through your magazine and your staff. God
has really blessed She!
Dear She,
Sabrina Street, Florence
I want to express my deep appreciation for She Patient Coordinator
Magazine. The first of the month heralds different activ-
ities for individuals; however, the first of the month Dear She,
means I can acquire the current issue of She. On sev- I have been reading She Magazine since a friend of ours, Mr.Aubrey Cox of Florence, gave
eral occasions, I have risked receiving a ticket for making us the May 2008 issue. It included a beautiful picture in memory of his deceased wife, Gussie Ann
a U-turn on Main Street after observing the new issue in Todd Cox. Since then, there have been other issues that are special to me. November 2008’s issue
featured a story about Yvonne Rhodes and Linda Spurling. Yvonne is my sister-in-law and has such
the container outside the She office. loving ways for everyone she meets, showing her love for Jesus. In the January 2009 issue’s “Letter
At one time, I was the courier for several close from the Editor,” Melia Flowers Berry wrote about the loss of her father, David Flowers, and it
friends at the beach who lamented about not being able touched me so much. Melia, you have my love and sympathy.
We really enjoy reading She. My husband, Kip, and I moved to Florida in 2001, but we go
to find She Magazine. However, when the price of gas back to South Carolina about every month or so to visit friends and relatives in Florence, Dillon and
surpassed the cost of steak, I had to cease being so char- other areas. My very close friend, Gloria Hickman, saves copies of She for me each month and I
pick them up. When I go back home to Florida, I read them over and over.
itable.
Sincerely,
Sincerely, Norma J. (Hartly) Rhodes
M. Beatryce Shaw, Mullins Ocala, Florida

Dear She,
Dear She, I am e-mailing a request to place some She Magazines in the Darlington
County Historical Commission building. We have customers from all over the United
First, I would like to say how much I love reading
She Magazine! I get so excited when it’s time for the new States that visit with us looking up genealogy. Many of these customers are women
edition to come out. I read all the stories, articles and and they take a copy of She.
even the business ads. Most of the time, I go through it Every time I see a copy of She, I pick it up and another lady picks one up, as
two or three times before passing it along to my mom to well. After reading them, we cut out the articles that pertain to Darlington people and
read. Thank you to the She Staff for the wonderful job places from one and we put the other complete magazine in our files here at the
you do. Commission to keep forever. We have files on families, towns, businesses, industry,
Secondly, I would really like to see a “Beauty Buzz”
churches, schools, pictures, agriculture, lawyers, doctors, courthouse records, clubs,
article written about skin care for different age groups;
one that advises how each age group’s skin should be societies, railroads – and the list goes on.
taken care of. Perhaps some information about different
(inexpensive and nonsurgical) procedures and skin care Thank you so very much for your time,
treatments and creams could be included, as well as what Doris G. Gandy, Director
to do about wrinkles, pores, etc. It would be great to have Darlington County Historical Commission
a few people receive the different treatments and then
report the results.
I have searched the Internet, but it’s so hard to
decide what information is true and, more importantly,
what will work for each individual. I think the topic of skin
care (especially the face) is “Beauty Buzz” worthy!

Thank you for your time,

Cheri L. Richardson
Assistant Dean of Students & Cheerleading Coach
Francis Marion University

Send an E-MAIL to editor@shemagazine.com

or MAIL us at 609 N. Main St., Marion, SC 29571
17 4/23/09 3:50 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 17

Carolina Travel & Tours

UPCOMING EVENTS
•NY shopping & NY Casino trip
June 19-21, 2009, 2 full days/1 night in NY,
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18 4/27/09 3:08 PM Page 1

Heavy
I knew better. I KNEW BETTER. But I did it
anyway.
Chris was out of town, and I was feeling ambi-
tious. I committed the unthinkable. I committed myself
to an afternoon of appointments and errands with my
six and three year-old daughters. I knew better. I real-
ize that to some of you that’s no biggie, but to me it
was a ghastly adventure.

Mettle
I ran over people at Carson’s school to snatch her
up and dash to a hair appointment across town at 2:30.
Thanks to my turn on two wheels into carline, we were actually a few minutes early for our
first appointment. Both girls sat angelically to have their locks shorn, and that, my friends, was
the high point of the afternoon. After a potty visit and some quick check writing, we barreled
to another section of town for a 3:00 visit with our dentist – where Carson and I were having
our teeth cleaned and checked.
by Cookie Cawthon In my own utopia I had imagined that Carson would go into her own exam room, and we
would be cleaned and examined simultaneously. Of course, Campbell would perch still and
silent and watch with grave interest as I was the patient. Okay, so that didn’t happen. Carson was called before I was, so she finished just as I was getting
started. She joined her sister in the room with me, and to say that there were way too many Cawthon girls in one exam room would be a gross understate-
ment.
I lay back, stretched my mouth open as wide as I could, my dental hygienist (if you are reading, I plead for your forgiveness! I learned my lesson, I
promise!) began inserting her instruments into my mouth, and the melee began. I started to sweat and pray for a speedy cleaning. Campbell began beating
on the foot of the dental chair, causing my head at the opposite end to bounce a little. Carson began to totally unpack my purse while wearing the requi-
site attitude that accompanies my obnoxiously large sunglasses. Then they began to fight, push, and argue over my personal belongings. My dear hygienist
tried to ignore the fray, and I tried my hardest to teleport to another continent. No such luck, so I halted the cleaning, sat up, and informed both of my pre-
cious ones that certain punishment awaited them in their very near future. They were at least tolerable for the remainder of the visit.
So I slunk out of the office wearing mortification like a weighty backpack and loaded my offspring. Acknowledging that I was at least partly to blame
for attempting such an asinine afternoon, I refused to sink even lower in my own estimation by picking up fast food for din-
ner. We proceeded to the grocery store. Okay, I’m not completely an idiot; I issued the standard lecture in
the car before we disembarked. I reminded them of their looming consequences – which proved to be a tac-
tical error – and off we went. Somewhere half way through our shopping, they threw all caution to the wind
and embraced the certainty of their punishment. We were a sight! Without an ounce of brain power or
dignity left, I grabbed only the bare essentials for our dinner and breakfast. All else would have to wait.
I pulled into a checkout line and exhaled, knowing the end was near. If I can just get home I’ll
be okay, I thought. At about which time, Campbell, who is seated in the spacious part of
the cart, leans over and puts her hand on the cart in front of us and bellows quite loud-
ly, “MOVE IT, LADY!” Oh no she didn’t. Oh yes she did.
The lady turns around and replies, “I would if I could.”
“CAMPBELL CAWTHON, YOU APOLOGIZE TO HER RIGHT THIS
MINUTE!” I declared with my head shaking in fury and shame; it threatened to
make a few complete revolutions as my ire intensified.
“Oh, she’s fine. I have grandchildren their ages, and you just need to enjoy
this time while they’re young.” Sometimes, easier said than done, sweet friend (if you
are reading, I plead for your forgiveness! You are an angel, and I so appreciated your
gracious response and your sense of humor!).
Somehow I made it through the next couple of hours and finally settled them
into bed. Spent in every way, I flopped onto the couch and sat numb in the silence.
What was that? I finally asked myself.
That, in all honesty, is how some days go for me as a mother.
At the end of some days, I feel like I did a pretty good job. At the end of others, I
think I was just adequate, and then at the end of a few, I cry.
It’s hard.
When we trade in that high-dollar purse for a big, bulky though highly functional dia-
per bag, we need room to carry a lot more than diapers and wipes and bottles and pacies. We
need room to shoulder the universal guilt of being a mom. We feel guilty if we work and are away
from our children most of the day. We feel guilty if we stay at home and find it difficult, tedious, and
sometimes even unfulfilling. We might also need to haul our exhaustion, our caffeine addiction, the
extra weight we’ve gained from running ragged, our tears (happy and not-so-much), our embarrassment,
our impossible expectations for ourselves, and sadly sometimes even our own judgment of each other. What
a load!
But that’s not all. We also need room for all of the awkwardly spelled love notes and the brightly
colored pictures. We need a separate compartment for the tears we dry, the boo-boos we kiss, and
the snapshots we cherish of them sleeping, smiling, or performing when they don’t know we’re
watching. We need to tuck their wet dog smell in a side pocket to help us remember spring
afternoons spent running in the sun; we want to capture their tight squeezes around the
neck in a zippered pouch, and there needs to be a special canister in the side that can
be filled with their laughter.
I absolutely love being a mommy, and I wouldn’t trade a solitary second of
my time spent with my girls. But it also often feels like a Herculean task. I find bal-
ance between the difficult and delightful in the reality that motherhood is meant to
change me as much as it is meant to change my children. I find beauty in that.

Cookie Cawthon is blessed to be wife to Chris, mother to Carson (6) and Campbell (3),
Diet Pepsi addict, and crazy-excited greeter at NewSpring Church’s Florence campus.
19 4/22/09 11:09 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 19

We c a n p e r s o n a l i z e
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 20-21
4/27/09

Motherhood is very rewarding

1:18 PM

but often it leaves behind a little “pooch”

Page 1

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Members of the American Society for Laser Medicine & Surgery

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www.genesiscosmeticlasercenter.com
 20-21
4/27/09

Motherhood is very rewarding

1:19 PM

but often it leaves behind a little “pooch”

Page 1

which dieting and exercising

won’t alleviate.
Let Dr. O’Dell contour your
waistline, help you loose your
love handles, tone your thighs
and arms and rid you of
that little “pooch”!

Dr. Edward O’Dell is the only

physician in the Pee Dee to offer
Smart LipoTM combined with Vaser Lipo
selection for superior results.

10% off Smart Lipo®

“Home of the Weekend Neck & Chin Lift”
 20-21

OUR SERVICES: OUR PRODUCTS

Genesis Cosmetic Laser Center is the only one in the Jane Iredale Mineral
Fraxel (Repair & Restore)
4/27/09

state to offer the latest innovation of Fraxel: repair. Botox Makeup

S m a r t L i p o TM / V a s e r L i p o Osmosis Medical Skin
With it’s CO2 Laser Resurfacing, Fraxel: repair Care
1:19 PM

Vein Therapy
Acne Therapy Kiss Me / Blinc Mascara
allows you to see results after only 1 treatment. SkinCeuticals
Page 2

H y d r a F a c i a l TM
Chemical Peels Revitalash
Cellulite Therapy Cosmedix
Mary Daniels, L.R.C.- C.M.A. has the MOST EXPERIENCE Microdermabrasion Remergent
IN FRAXEL® LASER TECHNOLOGY in the Pee Dee. Photo Rejuvenation
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Clients are receiving awesome results on our & Juvéderm Available
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Board Certified
Mary Daniels, L.R.C.- C.M.A. Board Certified
Medical Esthetician • Laser Instructor
Edward O'Dell, M.D. -
Holding a Master Certification
in Laser Technology FACOG
Certified Dermatician Medical Director
Members of the American Society for Laser Medicine & Surgery

1273 Celebration Boulevard • Florence, SC • 843.669.2220

www.genesiscosmeticlasercenter.com
22 4/24/09 10:47 AM Page 1

THE BENEFITS OF Masssge

FOR THE Mom-to-Be
by Katie Edwards, L.M.T.,The Spa at McLeod
Over the course of the last decade, prenatal massage has risen in popularity. consider all the proven benefits. It is also always good to check with your physician
A recent trend toward a heightened level of wellness has created more of an awareness prior to receiving a prenatal massage. A crucial thing to remember is that you should
of alternative options that can be used in conjunction with traditional medicine in the never experience any pain during a prenatal massage; if you do, tell your therapist, and the
childbirth experience. An increasing number of physicians, nurses, midwives, childbirth service should end immediately. It is up to the individual as to the frequency of receiving
educators and women are discovering the many therapeutic benefits of massage therapy prenatal massages; however, it can be anywhere from once a week to once a month.
for the pregnant woman. Remember, just because your body is undergoing all of the “side effects” associated with
Over the course of the pregnancy, the mom-to-be experiences many physical pregnancy, you can still counteract some of the discomforts with therapeutic prenatal
and emotional changes such as weight gain, posture shift and changing hormone levels. massage therapy.
Along with the joys and expectations of impending motherhood, physical discomfort
ranging from muscle tension to headaches can impact pregnancy in a negative way.
Prenatal massage takes into consideration all of the less desirable “side effects”
of pregnancy and focuses on the special needs of the pregnant body. Licensed massage
therapists who are experienced in prenatal massage use techniques that are both safe
and effective. When receiving a prenatal massage, it is common for the mom-to-be to
lay on her side during the session. Special pregnancy body pillows can also be used. And,
the massage table can be repositioned to be semi-reclined. Pillows and bolsters are
provided to ensure the comfort of the client.
Perhaps the single most beneficial aspect of prenatal massage is the ability of
a trained massage therapist to soothe the body’s tension and dissolve stress through
a pampering experience. Simply by taking the time to have a massage during pregnancy
can be an emotionally uplifting experience. The soothing and serene environment coupled
with therapeutic massage therapy allows pregnant moms to relax and feel comforted
during this period of increased physical discomfort and emotional stress.
On the more practical side, prenatal massage aids in the relief of several physical
and emotional ailments that accompany pregnancy. Backaches, headaches, shoulder and
neck pain resulting from muscle tension, stress on the weight-bearing joints caused by
increased weight gain, and a shift in posture can all be alleviated through massage. is
reduced through massage. The techniques used by the massage therapist also help improve
skin elasticity thereby reducing stretch marks. The overall experience of massage and
human touch results in a balancing of hormone levels and decreased anxiety. Additional
benefits of prenatal massage include increased circulation, improved digestion resulting
in less heartburn, reduction of swelling in the hands and feet, and relief from fatigue.
While prenatal massage can be extremely beneficial, some contraindications
do exist. One thing to keep in mind is that it is recommended that prenatal massages
should begin after the first trimester allowing for the greatest hormonal and physical
changes to have taken place. Also, the increased circulation promoted by the massage
could add to existing morning sickness during the first trimester. Women with diabetes
or high blood pressure should also check with their physician prior to receiving a prenatal
massage. Lastly, if a mom-to-be is experiencing any unusual pain or abdominal pain she
should not have a prenatal massage.
Another positive argument for prenatal massage is that the benefits can also
be transferred to the baby. A reduced stress level of the mother nurtures the baby and
promotes healthier in-utero development. When the mother receives a massage, her
body is naturally releasing endorphins (“feel good” hormones) which then cross over
the placenta and ultimately sooth the baby.
In addition to massage therapy being beneficial during pregnancy, it can also
play a therapeutic role after childbirth. Postpartum massage can assist in:

• restoring the new mother’s body to its pre-pregnancy condition

• restoring the abdominal muscle wall and the uterus back to their normal state
to tone the stretched skin over the belly
• help in muscle tension and stress that can come from new motherhood
• alleviate postpartum blues through the trained and caring touch of a massage
therapist thereby giving the new mom a rejuvenated feeling. When the new mom
is able to leave the treatment room refreshed, it is then easier for her to meet the
needs of new motherhood.

When deciding if prenatal massage therapy is right for you, it is important to

Katie Edwards is a licensed massage therapist and director of The Spa at McLeod, located at the
McLeod Health and Fitness Center. Katie has been an employee of the McLeod Health and Fitness Center
for more than 10 years.
23 4/27/09 1:21 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 23

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24-25 4/24/09 10:23 AM Page 1

We Love You, Mom

Heather
and Mom,
Cathy

Sarah and Mom,

Rankin

Macaira
and Mom,
Barbara

“Her children arise up,

and call her blessed...”
Proverbs 31:28 KJV
24-25 4/24/09 10:24 AM Page 2

Happy Mother’s Day!

Lane and Mom,

Liz

Morgan
and Mom,
Cindy

Cynthia and Mom,

Mary Dean

Photos by Collin M. Smith

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26 4/22/09 4:19 PM Page 1
the toughest job you’ll ever love
“Motherly love is not much use if it expresses itself only as a warm gush of emotion, delicately
tinged with pink. It must also be strong, guiding and unselfish . . . . True mothers have to be made
of steel to withstand the difficulties that are sure to beset their children.” - Rachel Billington
i’m about to tell you something that you
already know – motherhood is not for the faint of heart.
It’s not for wimps or sissies. In fact, motherhood is hard!
Like our Peace Corps, it’s “the toughest job you’ll ever
love.” Unlike the Peace Corps, you cannot take an early
retirement. In fact, there is no retirement in mother-
hood. Once you enlist, you’re in it for life.
So many aspects of motherhood are difficult
that it’s almost impossible to select one on which to
focus. But, here’s one for you. How about when you
have to do things that you know are going to be uncom-
fortable – or perhaps even painful – in the best interest
of your child. Inevitably, you end up telling little white lies
to shield them from what’s coming, and I hate to lie to
my child.
Let me give you a for-instance so you know
where I’m coming from.
Yesterday afternoon, I took my daughter to the ortho-
dontist for the first time. (She’s seven.) We’ve known
that this visit was forthcoming since she got her very first
tooth. She was understandably concerned and anxious
about what would occur. I was pretty relaxed since I
went through orthodontics twice and I’m familiar with
most of what she will endure. Besides, since she is pret-
ty much the spitting image of me, I had a good idea that
she would have a lot of the same things done
that I did.
So, what’s the problem?
Why did we end up beginning so
early? It seems that my daugh-
ter has the tiniest mouth in
the history of mankind. I
know! It’s shocking to
those of you who know
her; but, physically, her
mouth is really small. There
isn’t enough room in her
mouth for all of her teeth to
come in – severe overcrowding. But, I had the same
problem – so again, no worries.
We get there and they begin to explain the
numerous problems that exist and how we really need to
begin as soon as possible. First, she has to have a baby
tooth pulled in order to make room for one of her
molars. I’m terrified by this prospect. Again, I know from
whence I speak. I had to have many teeth pulled prior to
getting my braces on the first time (many, as in four-in-a-
day many). I don’t remember the procedure being par-
ticularly pleasant. I had fillings and other dental work
done prior to that, so I was at least minimally aware of
what the procedure would be like (you know, the shots,
etc.). My child has had nothing done except for semi-
annual cleanings – and she doesn’t enjoy those.
So, I’m faced with the prospect of having to take
my little girl to have this tooth removed, knowing that
they are going to give her shots in her mouth to prevent
her from feeling it. But what about the shots? They hurt!
I don’t care how much numbing cream they put on the
gum, you can still feel that needle!
Long-story-short, I’m scared of taking her for
this procedure. I’m the one who will have to do it
because – and I don’t know why, but – that’s part of the
job description of “Mother.” I’m sure my husband would
take her if I asked him to, but I couldn’t let him. Why
is that? Why do we, as mothers, have to be
there when our children are going
to be in pain? It’s an instinct
and impulse deep within me
that I cannot fight. It’s
simple; if my child is
going through
something
difficult
by Allie Atkinson
or scary or painful, I have to be there for her.
My concern is that I also have what I call the
“Mama Bear Instinct.” It causes me to want to protect
my “cub” from harm and danger and to react – even
physically – if need be. It surfaced for the first time when
she was about a month old. We were on one of our very
first outings after her birth. I strapped her carefully into
her car seat and drove much slower than I had ever
before (or ever have since) to wherever it was that I was
going. On the way home, a car cut me off and came into
my lane, risking the life of my precious, fragile infant. A
rage that I had never known welled up within me and if I
could have reached the driver of the other car, I proba-
bly could have killed them with my bare (bear) hands. I
know you other mothers know exactly the feeling that I
felt because it’s natural, instinctive; but, it scared me. It
scares me now that I might have the same reaction if
someone is giving my child a shot in her mouth (or some
other hurtful thing). That rage might resurface.
So, I’ve vented now. I always feel better after
sharing my problems and concerns with my “friends.” It
helps to know that each of you go through the same feel-
ings and difficulties that I do.
Please pray for my daughter as she begins this
lengthy process. She’s going to have to be braver than
she has ever been before and she only knows a small
portion of all the things to come. Please pray also for me
– that I will have the strength and courage to help her to
endure what I know she must. I know that we are only
talking dentistry and orthodontics, but these things, like
everything, are metaphors for life. We take on each new
challenge as it comes with the attempt to rise to the
occasion and meet it with strength, courage, persever-
ance and grace – and peace.
May God be with you in your motherhood jour-
ney both today and always. May He be with us all.
Allie Atkinson is a French
teacher at Marion High School.
She lives in Marion with her
husband, Philip, and daughter,
Abbie.
27 4/22/09 11:06 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 27

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ay Book Signing
M

Join us for a
May 6th
11am until 4pm .
Hal Creel , a florence native will
be sharing his book,
Do old dogs dream? feel
beautiful
7 th
M a y Offering a variety of
procedures& treatments
Join us for aTrunk Show
to combat the signs of aging.
Jewelry by Beth Wicker
May 7th Carolina Facial
11am until 4pm Plastic Surgery, P.A.
www.bethwicker.com
Carla C. Graham, M.D., F.A.C.S.
Celeste Young, Licensed Esthetician
www.portersgiftshop.com 492 WEST CHEVES ST. • FLORENCE • 665-0400

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*Special based on a full service 16 week Physicians Fast program. Required nutritional to perform my job with the Florence County Sheriffs Office.
supplements & medical fees, if any, at regular low prices. Results may vary. An independent I believe if I can lose weight with my stressful job and eating
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28 4/27/09 10:54 AM Page 1

What is one truth about

Motherhood that you wish
someone had told you
before becoming a mom?

“I wish someone had told me that motherhood is a 24/7 job. A mother never stops being a
mother, but it is the most rewarding job I have ever had and I wouldn’t trade the experience
for any other. Children are truly gifts from God – and so are the grandchildren.”

Jeanette Rogers
Marion

“I wish someone had

told me that no
matter how old your
“I always heard about children get, you
those eyes in the back never quit worrying
of a mother’s head; I about them!”
just never realized
how clear their Alger Holloman
vision was!”
Florence
Lisa Anderson
Timmonsville

“I wish someone had

told me how tough
being a stepmom can
be. Building that
relationship can be
“Your life will be hard, but it’s totally
radically different, worth it.”
but you will be
supremely okay Windy Sitton
with that.”
Florence
Lenora Lefew
Hartsville
29 4/24/09 10:09 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 29

MENU
• Fried Chicken
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American Legion Field
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BASEBALL (Past the Florence Airport on E. Palmetto St.) • Seafood Dinner
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Opening Night- May 28th • Soups
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Florence RedWolves vs. Fayetteville Swampdogs- 7:30pm
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SC National Guard Magnet Schedule giveaway to the first 750 fans
Patriotic Parachute Team 6:45PM and Fireworks after the Game
Healthcare Day
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Upcoming Events
May 26- Fan Night
Come out and meet the new Red Wolves players
and coaches from 6-8pm

May 30 – vs. THOMASVILLE 7:30PM

Moseley Inflatables Little League Night.
$1 General Admission for Players & Coaches
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June 3 – vs. CATAWBA VALLEY

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30 4/22/09 4:32 PM Page 1

Her Secret
Hope
"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret hope outlives them all."
BY MARTI MILLER

Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

I recently had the privilege of spending almost a week alone with my mother Prayer I had seen every day, but never before had I seen my mother crying like that. I
– just the two of us - laughing and talking and sharing memories and opinions (fine, hoped never to again. And, so far, I have not. Still, no secret hope has unfolded in this
mom, I’ll consider letting my hair go white like my sisters – but it’s much more fun being memory – I’m not sure if she was crying for the child, his father, our country, or maybe
the baby when you actually look like you still might be). Usually, my two oldest sisters all three. Come to think of it, we never really gave her all that much to cry about – at
share the gentle caring of our mother that allows her to continue living independently. least from my own selfish perspective. At any rate, that was the only time I remember
They make a great team, and I am grateful every day for them. Fortunately for me, their actually witnessing such a flow of tears. I feel for sure that she cried after my sister told
calendars crossed and another sister and I each got a week to be alone with our moth- her about her breast cancer diagnosis, and again when the treatments were successful,
er.When five sisters share a rather small home (and one mother), cozy isn’t exactly the but I never actually saw it.
first word that comes to mind to describe the experience – but our relationships have One other memory of my mother is rather recent. It happened nearly three
become increasingly warm as we age (and live in separate homes, in separate states). years ago at the hospice house, shortly after the nurses confirmed that my husband had
The woman I shared time with has been my mother for 55 years this month, died.The only person I wanted to talk with at that moment was my mother.Thank God
and I’m still not sure I know her all that well. One would think I might understand her for cell phones and quiet corners. When I heard her voice, somehow I knew that life
a little better now that I have had almost 26 years to practice motherhood myself, but would still go on. After telling her that her son-in-law was gone, I remember thanking
I never lived through the Depression or World War II rationing with a husband in the her for the example she set – the one that allowed me to breathe again because I had
Navy and two daughters at home under five. And I didn’t move in with my in-laws right children to consider. Maybe this memory is the one that holds the secret hope answer?
after the wedding to care for a dying mother-in-law without knowing the first thing I’m guessing that every mother’s secret hope is pretty much the same. It’s the
about cooking or housekeeping. And the reason she didn’t know the first thing about one where we hope for our children to grow into
either is because she grew up in hotels. Her parents managed or owned them until their life and become who they are meant to be.
deaths. She even survived a devastating hotel fire when she was a young girl – the mem- And we hope that they will remember
ories still remain fresh in her mind. I didn’t spend a year in New York City studying fash- us and think fondly over their
ion design after high school. She made all of our clothes (even for my Barbie dolls). I memories, even as youth fades
never learned to sew or knit or crochet like she did (I struggled mightily for that D in and love droops and the leaves
Home Economics, okay?). of friendships fall away. Yes, a
The sheer number of relationships accumulated in her life is much more than mother’s secret hope does
I could ever imagine (late bloomer syndrome?): she has 21 great-grandchildren (and outlive it all. But, mom, I’m just
three more on the way this summer), 21 grandchildren (with 13 spouses among them), not ready to stop coloring my
five daughters (and four living sons-in-law), one lifetime marriage, and, as of this year, 90 hair. Sorry. And about that per-
birthdays celebrated (well, we still celebrate them – she mostly just tolerates them). petual peace and quiet
Like the words of Oliver Wendell Holmes suggest, her youth faded long ago request…just forget it. I secret-
(but definitely not her mind), her one love has left this world behind (we still miss you, ly hope you’ll be surrounded by
dad), most of her friends are gone too (she laughs about her unbreakable habit of read- family noise for many more
ing the obituaries, knowing she’s pretty much run out of names), but the big question birthdays.
mark for me comes at the end of that quote.
What is my mother’s secret hope, after all? For as long as I can remember,
when asked what she might like for a birthday or Christmas or the dreaded Mother’s
Day celebration, her only stated hope was for “peace and quiet”.Try being ten years old
and riding your bike downtown searching all afternoon for that little gift item. Hey, wait
a minute. I just realized how she got her peace and quiet! Pretty tricky there, mom –
but I’m on to you now! And that couldn’t possibly have been her true secret hope – she
kept asking for it out loud at every possible opportunity. It was definitely no secret.
Maybe if I rewind some of the family history tapes a little I’ll be able to find the
right clues for solving the secret hope mystery? One of my earliest memories of my
mother was watching her cut out sewing patterns on our dining room table, with
straight pins tucked between her lips. I can still hear the sound of pinking shears cutting
through pinned paper and fabric.This, of course, brings up one of my later, more shame-
ful teenaged memories of whining for a dress from an actual shop – one with a tag hang-
ing from the sleeve – one that six other girls would be wearing
too. What a brat. Maybe her secret hope then was for a
more appreciative child?
Another vivid mother memory is from November 1963.
I was nine years old, watching a little boy salute his father’s flag-
draped coffin on TV and noticed that my mother was sitting very
still with quiet tears falling freely from her face to her lap where
her hands rested, clasped together tightly, like she was praying.
Marti Miller lives in Marion, SC with two dogs and a cat and secretly hopes her children will remember her fondly too one day…and grandchildren wouldn’t be too bad either, when they’re ready.
31 4/22/09 11:29 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 31

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She Magazine • May 2009 • 33
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34 4/24/09 12:58 PM Page 1
UN-Motherhood
The Joys & Heartaches of Being Childless in a Family-Filled World
B Before I get too far into this delicate subject, I feel that it is only
fair to disclose that my husband and I do not have children. For most of
my life, I was adamant in my decision that I did not wish to have children.
Early in our marriage, we went through an unsuccessful pregnancy and
were advised that it would be best for my health not to have children;
however, perhaps due to that old proverbial biological clock, we have
recently begun to seriously rethink giving it another try.
As such, it is my heart’s desire to fully represent those couples
who have decided not to have children, as well as those who are unable to
have children but long to do so. One thing I’ve learned is that most peo-
ple expect a married woman in her mid-30s to be a mother. It’s one of
those things that most people take for granted; it’s a given. You are mar-
ried; therefore, you have children.
Typically (at least in my experience), when one learns that you do
not have children, a sad, wistful and sometimes pitying look tends to fol-
low because we all have our assumptions. We all come from various back-
grounds and life experiences and, based on these, we tend to put people
in a little mental box. It is often assumed that you are devastated at your
inability to have children and this is certainly so for many men and women.
Many couples, however, are perfectly fine with their childlessness.
In Biblical times, the failure to have children was seen as an indi-
cation of God’s disfavor. It was a disgrace to be infertile and customs were
in place to ensure that particularly male heirs would be produced. Often,
this meant that a man would have relations with his maidservant if his wife
was barren, as in the case of Sarah and Abraham.
In our day, there are some folks who believe that your decision
to forgo parenthood is based on a dislike for children or perhaps even a
flaw in your character. Something must be missing, they think, for you not
to willingly participate in procreation. In other words, something must be
desperately wrong at the core for a person to make a conscious decision
to remain childless.
Let’s debunk that myth right away. Obviously, human beings are
meant to procreate or we would have died out long ago. Just as obvious
is the fact that some of us, for whatever reason, have been passed over for
reproduction. Certainly, there are people who do not find children and
their needs as endearing as others, but I believe that you will find that the
majority of childless couples do, indeed, like children very much.
(Especially those that you can send home when the fun starts to wear off!)
Oftentimes, these couples are wonderful aunts and uncles. They
may volunteer to work with youth. They can adopt “spiritual children” into
whom they can pour their wisdom and knowledge and many people do
take advantage of the freedoms that childlessness allows in order to min-
ister to other people’s children. These couples often lead very fulfilling
Rebecca J. Blair manages the counseling office of Janet R. Sims, P.A., in Florence. She lives in Lake City with her husband,
Michael, their three dogs and a cockatiel. Connect with her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.
by Rebecca J. Blair
lives and although they may wish that they had birthed their own children,
the joy of having shaped a life is no less real.
I have written previously about how I see my “un-motherhood”
as the major dividing line between myself and others my age. It’s a state
that sets you apart from the general population, for better or worse.
There seems to be an attitude amongst many of the marrieds-with-chil-
dren that we childless couples live “The Life of Reilly,” without a care or
responsibility in the world. The assumption is that we have limitless time
on our hands and energy and resources abound as they are not being
drained by children. They assume that we don’t know what true sacrifice
really is – and maybe they’re right. But whether or not you have a child
does not quantify who you are.
This is so important for those men and women who are unable
to have children despite their immense desire to be parents. It’s easy to
become embittered and even angry with God when circumstances find
you childless. There are many people who have always wanted a family and
are heartbroken when this dream does not materialize into reality. The
pain of feeling that you have missed out in this area of life can be over-
whelming and discouraging. Couples pour thousands of dollars into fertil-
ity treatments that may not work (or may work too well, resulting in mul-
tiple-birth pregnancies), all in the hopes that they will be able to fill the
void that their childlessness has created.
If you are a person without children – either by choice or by
chance – I urge you to hold your head high and not apologize for your lot
in life or become mired in discouragement. The Bible tells us in
Isaiah and again in Galatians, “Be glad, O barren woman,
who bears no children; break forth and cry aloud, you
who have no labor pains because more are the chil-
dren of the desolate woman than of her who has a
husband” (Galatians 4:27).
I hope you will find peace in your heart
about your childless state and that peace will allow
you to discover what it is you are called to do with
your life.
35 4/27/09 1:59 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 35

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36 4/22/09 4:27 PM Page 1

Behold
Nag Queen THE

B
by Sandra Honaker
efore I was a mother, I used to be an interesting person. Now, quite sequences are my problem. If they don’t put their clothes in the hamper so I can wash
frankly, I’m just not. I bore myself most of the time, so I know I’m bor- them, then I’m the one that has to run an emergency load to get their uniforms ready
ing to other people as well, especially to my kids and husband. I’ve for the next day. If they are cold because they forgot to wear a jacket, I’m the one that
become a nag, and I truly wish I wasn’t. I just have the job of worrying about all the has to endure their whining or bad temper. If they come to school late because they
stuff that nobody else thinks needs worrying about in the first place. don’t get themselves up in time, I’m the one that has to sign them in and possibly get
I didn’t worry about that stuff back in my carefree pre-mom and pre-marriage in trouble with the truant officer (we’ve never gone that far, largely due to my nagging).
days. My four major food groups were skittles, black coffee, cigarettes and extra- If they don’t make the honor roll because they forgot to turn in their homework, I’m
strength Excedrin. I could make a meal off a can of Leseur peas and ketchup, and I did- the one that has to dry their tears. I’m the one that has to take them to the doctor if
n’t even own a dishwasher, so I didn’t have to worry about emptying one. I lived with they are unhealthy, so it is my job to help them stay healthy by nagging them to eat prop-
relatively clean roommates, and even if none of us were perfect about cleaning up all erly and exercise regularly. So it’s easier just to prevent all this by nagging.
the time, it was never assumed that I had the job of picking up after anybody. When I As far as the dark side of motherhood goes, I guess this problem with nagging
did have enough money to grocery shop, I could buy only what I liked and then take a is not such a big deal. It’s small stuff, really. I just wish they would care enough about
flying leap and hop on the back of the cart on my way to the parking lot, riding it all the this small stuff to just do it, so I wouldn’t have to care anymore. Then I could go back
way to my car without stopping. No one was watching, so I didn’t have to worry about to being an interesting person gain.
setting a bad example. When it snowed I could grab a trashcan lid and careen down a
hill into traffic, not really caring about hurting myself because I didn’t have anyone to
take care of but myself, and I was confident I could do that no matter what. I was fear-
less and cocky and cool and hip and never, ever worried about eating in the den or hav-
ing to replace the toilet paper on the roll or wonder when was the last time I ingest-
ed something green (other than green skittles).
Nagging first reared its ugly head in my life once I had my first child. I felt pret-
ty overwhelmed nursing and changing diapers and staying on that all important
schedule so that Morgan would have a good day. For the first time in my life I
needed help, because I had someone to take care of that couldn’t take care of
herself. Taking care of the house and the bills and the meals and the clothes
were suddenly becoming harder and harder, so I needed help from Pat,
but during those years he was building his practice and didn’t have
much time to give me, although he would help me out occasionally.
After my second child and as the girls got older, I gave them their
own responsibilities, and that was to help both them and me, but
that is when nagging became my primary form of communication.
And when I finally decided to try to make my house pretty, nag-
ging became my raison d’etre.
When the alarm goes off at 5:00 am, my nagging day
begins. It is my job to nag everyone awake, to nag them about
their chores before they leave, and to nag them to leave the
house properly—with a jacket, with homework all completed
and signed and in the proper folder, and with their IDs around
their necks. It’s my job to nag them to hurry up so we won’t
make the other members of the carpool late. Once they get
home it’s my job to nag them about walking the dog and getting
their homework done and not ruining their suppers and not wip-
ing their hands on the furniture instead of napkins and taking show-
ers in a timely manner and getting to bed early enough so that I won’t
have to nag them about getting up the next day. Yeah, right, like that’s
ever going to happen.
They say they hate my nagging, and I don’t doubt it, because I real-
ly, really hate it myself. But no one ever seems to do the thing I’ve asked
them to do consistently and without being reminded. To be fair, sometimes
they do, but never enough where I can just forget about it, like it’s not my prob-
lem. It is always my problem, so I nag until it gets done.
See, the real crux of the dilemma here is when things fall apart because
no one remembers or cares to do what I’ve nagged them to do, then the con-
Sandra Honaker lives in Marion with the primary objects of her nagging, her husband
Pat and her daughters Morgan and Alex, all of whom she truly loves but she just wishes
they would do what she said the first time she said it! Sigh.
37 4/23/09 3:28 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 37

Hartsville is committed to good health!

•Residents have a lot to choose from: The Hartsville Family YMCA;
Receive the quality care you deserve. Russell's Ultimate Fitness; Curves for Women; several dance studios;
boating, kayak and canoe on Black Creek, Prestwood Lake and Lake
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you and your loved ones get high quality, compassionate •Byerly Park is a multi-use recreation complex located on 14th
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Carole Anne Spohn
January 2009 She Magazine
“I took my She Magazine to the Presidential Inauguration in
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February 2009 She Magazine
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Honduras, Central America. God really blessed
our 64-member team. We left our She for other
missionaries to enjoy.”
- BRENDA HENDERSON & LISA NOLAN, MARION

Celia McLaughlin Urquhart

March 2009 She Magazine
“She Magazine made it all the way to Washington, DC and behind
the desk of US Senator Lindsey O. Graham (R-SC) on Capitol Hill!”

To be featured in “There She Goes,” send an e-mail to editor@shemagazine.com. Include a picture of yourself
(friends welcome!) with a copy of She Magazine along with a brief description.
41 4/28/09 9:05 AM Page 1
shop
talk Pattycakes Children’s Boutique
with DAVID BECK
and Fine Consignments
ABOUT US: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments is celebrating its
10th year of business. Pattycakes opened in 1998 in a small 1100 square-foot unit in
Huntington Plaza. We expanded to 3400 square feet in May of 2003.
WE CARRY: (Clothing): Bailey Boys • Chabre • Rosalina • Kissy Kissy • Glorimont •
Mulberry Street • Feltman Bros • Carriage Boutique • Bailey Babies • Baby Luigi
(Shoes): Lamour • Angel • Itzy Bitzy
WHAT MAKES US UNIQUE: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine
Consignments offers a diverse and memorable selection of outfits and items with a
heavy emphasis on style and variety. We are the only children’s clothing store in the Pee
Dee area that features both Boutique Outfits and Consignment Outfits. Of course, we
offer much more than just clothes; we also carry shoes, hairbows, gifts, socks, tights, etc.
Pattycakes is Florence’s only distributor of The Bailey Boys, Inc., a classic and tradition-
al brother-sister appliqué line. It consists of fashionable and luxurious, yet durable, fine
fabrics from around the world. We also have the largest hairbow selection in the area.
At any given time, you’ll find over 1200 hairbows in different sizes, colors and prints.
in Florence
FUTURE PLANS: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments has two
big events scheduled for 2009. First, we will be adding Pattycakes Studio Photography,
which will offer affordable and classic portrait photography. Second, we are going
online. Our shoppers will be able to view and purchase our complete boutique inven-
tory via the Internet.
FIND US: Pattycakes Children’s Boutique and Fine Consignments is located at 804
Second Loop Road in Huntington Plaza in Florence. Our hours are Monday through
Saturday, 10 AM to 6 PM. The phone number is 843-662-2448. Please visit our website
at shoppattycakes.com or our Facebook website, facebook.shoppattycakes.com.
David Beck, a singer/songwriter/
guitarist for twenty-plus years and
a Coastal Carolina University
graduate, has a six-year-old son,
Ryan.
42a 4/23/09 10:59 AM Page 1
Motherhood:
what i LEARNED
from my SONS
HAVE
Have you ever been the only female in a group
of men and boys and overheard them talking about
movies they enjoy such as Braveheart, Gladiator, Star
Wars and Hercules? Their eyes light up as their voices
become louder and louder over the gory details of the
battle. Having grown up in a home with all sisters, this
was a whole new world for me.
Now, as a mother of three sons, I have joined in
adventures I never imagined were in store for me. All
boys need to have opportunities for the journey into new
territory. They seem to be drawn to danger and wildness,
which appear to be written in the soul of a man. I’ve
been dragged along on camping trips to a sandbar in the
river where we set lines for catfish in the day. Then, at
night, we went out with our flashlights to pull up catches,
sometimes as big as forty pounds. In the meantime, the
boys hunted for snakes, lizards and forbidden alligators,
while I sat on the sidelines and observed.
When they were younger and I would send the
boys out for the day, I usually wouldn’t see them re-
appear until nightfall, unless a special meal was awaiting
them. They would come home covered in mud, cuts,
bruises and the tales of the adventures of their day. Oh,
the stories we would hear at the kitchen table – who
beat who in what, who got in fights, who got caught in
trouble.
My youngest son was famous for locating any
hurt or abandoned creature and bringing it home. One
of his special treats was the hognose snake he befriend-
ed. He was supposed to keep it in a cage but would take
it out and play with it from time to time. One afternoon,
he fell asleep with the snake on his chest and when he
woke up, the snake had crawled off. He threw the whole
house into an uproar searching for his pet. Finally, I
opened the door of the pantry and it hissed right in my
face. I screamed, which seemed to be the reaction the
boys expected from a female. He raced to my rescue,
grabbed the snake and locked it back in its cage. (He loves
the part of the story where he got to play the hero.)
Janet R. Sims is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. She is the proud mother of three sons and a daughter. She and her husband, Russ, live in Florence.
by Janet R. Sims, LPC
Another thing I learned about the masculine I wouldn’t trade the fun adventures I have had
gender from my sons was their need to be powerful. In the privilege of joining in through the invitation of these
all boys and men, there is a need to know that they have three awesome young men for anything. My daughter has
what it takes to fight the big fight. For my boys, this often also joined her brothers at times and learned much from
took place on the soccer field or basketball court, in them about the male species and how they work. So, the
karate, hunting or fishing. For these boys, aggression had next time your little boy comes into your kitchen and
to have a place to play itself out. Each of them found drops a lizard on your freshly-mopped floor, just smile
areas they felt they excelled in and I learned to cheer and give him a big hug, as he is stepping up to answer
them on without embarrassing them with a motherly kiss God’s whisper to his masculine calling. He needs a moth-
on the cheek in front of their comrades. Two of my sons er who can affirm, “Yes, my dear boy, you most certainly
were ecstatic when they came home having killed their have what it takes.”
first deer. My husband took pictures with the blood of “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a
the animal on their faces and the thrill of the kill in their reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
eyes. Once again, they sensed having conquered another are sons born in one’s youth” (Psalm 127:3-4).
creature and experienced a sense of power. This
becomes a part of an initiation into the throes of man-
hood. Of course, being a part of the female gender, all I
could think about was if the poor deer had a family he left
behind in the woods somewhere. My husband and sons
were entertained by my reaction.
The last task of boys growing into men is to have
a beauty to rescue. It begins with sons in their loyalty and
protectiveness of their mother as she is the first impor-
tant woman in their life. On many occasions, I have wit-
nessed my sons singularly or jointly defend me from
comments, stress or hurts from the outside world. My
three sons have all been very affectionate and verbal
about their love for me, both as young boys and
now as young men. My oldest son is now married
and the other two are freshmen in college. They
have cared about the special girls in their young
lives and I have had to step back at times to let them
go. As hard as it is, I feel a special sense of pride as
I witness my sons show care and protection over
the significant females in their lives. I realize, once
again, this is part of their transformation into man-
hood.
43 4/22/09 3:51 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 43

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44 4/27/09 4:52 PM Page 1

Exploring
Hormone
YTHS M
H o r m o n e M y t h s abound and misunderstandings permeate the media. After the Women’s Health
Initiative (WHI) study, half the women stopped taking hormones. What are the facts? Every
woman’s health book says something different and newspapers sell when the information is scary.
No wonder women are confused. In this article, I hope to address some of the questions I get from
patients every day and shed some light on what has been a confusing area for many women.

by J. Marshall Dent, III, MD

• Myth #1: “Hormones make you fat.”
• Fact: Taking hormones does not cause weight gain; hormone imbalance does.
• Basis: The concept of balance is to maintain a similar ratio of hormones that was
present prior to menopause. This doesn’t mean the same concentration; the ratio is
the key concept. When one goes through menopause and is on estrogen only, this leads
to an imbalance of estrogen to progesterone, which contributes to the deposition of
fat around the hips and abdomen.
• Take-Home Message: The increase in estrogen has effects on the thyroid function
and on insulin resistance. The thyroid has a profound impact on our metabolic func-
tion. As we age, the metabolic rate slows; so, the addition of thyroid dysfunction only
makes the problem worse. Plus, the more our bodies are resistant to insulin, the more
insulin is circulating prior to and after a meal. Insulin, an anabolic hormone, greatly con-
tributes to weight gain.
Myth #2: “Estrogen causes breast cancer.”
• Fact: The estrogen-only arm of the WHI showed no increased risk of
breast cancer.
• Basis: The Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) showed an increased risk of breast can-
cer in women who took a combination of Premarin and Provera, known by the prod-
uct name, Prempro. The other arm that consisted of Premarin only showed no
increased risk of breast cancer compared to the non-hormone users. The factor seems
to be the Provera (a synthetic hormone that is very much stronger than the body’s own
natural progesterone) used in Prempro. This creates an imbalance in the two hormones
that seems to predispose the breast to changes that may lead to cancer. A European
study looked at estrogen with natural-versus-synthetic progesterone; it showed no
increased risk in the natural progesterone arm with a twofold increased risk in the syn-
thetic progesterone arm.
• Take-Home Message: Avoid synthetic progesterone until it is proven safe.
Myth #3: “Testosterone is a hormone for men only. If a woman takes
it, she will have hair growth and a deeper voice.”
• Fact: Testosterone is found in women, as well as men.
• Basis: Testosterone is produced by the ovary and adrenal glands of women. The lev-
els drop slowly at menopause and continue to decline with aging. The levels will drop
by 50% after the ovaries are removed. This hormone has many benefits but must be
used in a low dose and it must be balanced to prevent side effects. One way to pre-
vents peaks of the hormone is to use long-acting, time-released testosterone pellets.
The effects of testosterone are improvement in mood, sexual desire, energy and sense
of well-being. The bone benefits are as good as any drug we have on the market today
to treat osteoporosis. If you are considering testosterone, use the bio-identical form
because the synthetic form (methyltestosterone) is prone to cause unwanted side
effects. The benefits of this hormone are potentially great, but it must be used by some-
one who has a lot of experience with dosage and balance to achieve the desired ben-
efit.
• Take-Home Message: Don’t be afraid of the same hormone your body
produces because the benefits may be tremendous.
eficial effects of estrogen on a number of heart disease risk factors such as cholesterol
levels, blood vessel wall “elasticity” and fibrinogen levels. The natural progesterone used
in the trial, Promethium, had no adverse effects on lipids or cardiovascular parameters.
• Take Home Message: If you have heart disease or risk factors for a heart attack,
avoid synthetic progestin.
• Myth #5: “Once you start hormones, it’s hard to get off.”
• Fact: Estrogen is like any drug; you may have withdrawal symptoms if you stop it suddenly.
• Basis: I try to use the lowest amount of estrogen in my patients that will treat their
symptoms. Oftentimes, I see patients that are referred to me who are on high doses
of estrogen and when they reduce the dose, they have terrible hot flashes. The way to
taper off is to add natural progesterone and slowly reduce the dose once the proges-
terone is in the body. I prefer to uses patches because the dose can slowly be lowered
until they are off or until hot flashes re-occur.
• Take-Home Message: I find most women don’t need estrogen; however, if they do,
it may be only a small amount, two to three times a week. The newer estrogen creams,
lotions and mists are very low-dose and very useful when withdrawing someone off
estrogen. The other problem with high-dose estrogen is the higher the dose, the less
the patient responds because the estrogen receptors are saturated.
Myth #6: “Vaginal dryness should be treated with a lubricant.”
• Fact: Vaginal dryness is a symptom of a greater problem and the lubricant is only
treating one of the symptoms.
• Basis: Vaginal dryness, a symptom of the lack of blood flow to the vaginal tissue, will
occur in most women of menopausal age. This lack of blood flow affects the bladder
and urethra, as well as the vagina. The bladder is affected by an increased risk of blad-
der infections, as well as irritability. The urethra will become smaller and lead to symp-
toms of burning and sometimes has to be dilated when it becomes stenotic. The lack
of blood flow also affects sensation, which can lead to sexual dysfunction. I encourage
all my patients to use estrogen and, sometimes, testosterone to keep the vaginal tissue
healthy.
• Take-Home Message: Don’t forget to treat the vagina; it will save you a lot of doc-
tors’ visits for urinary tract infections and vaginal discharges.
Myth #7: “Estrogen causes blood clots.”
• Fact: Estrogen is thrombogenic, but this risk can be greatly reduced by the mode of
administration of estrogen.
• Basis: Any time estrogen is taken orally, it is metabolized through the first pass of the
liver and can lower proteins S and C, factors that increase the risk of blood clots. If the
estrogen is administrated via the skin in the form of a patch, lotion, mist or gel, the liver
effect is avoided. The administration of estrogen by injection via a shot or pellet also
has the similar effect to lower the risk of blood clots.
• Take-Home Message: If you are on oral estrogen, try to switch to a non-oral route
to lower your risk of blood clots. Also, keep your dose as low as possible to prevent
side effects.

Myth #4: “Estrogen will increase a woman’s risk of a heart attack.”
• Fact: Estrogen is a vasodilator and can have a beneficial effect on the heart.
• Basis: In animal and human studies, estrogen was shown to increase the blood flow
through the coronary arteries. When synthetic progesterone is added, this effect is lost.
The Heart and Estrogen/Progestin Replacement Study (HERS) looked at women with
previous heart attacks and gave them Prempro. After the first year, the incidence of
heart attacks was doubled. The Postmenopausal Estrogen and Progestin Intervention
(PEPI) Trials in 1999 showed that progestin like that found in Prempro reduced the ben-
I hope this information has answered some questions you may have about hor-
mones and clarified some key areas of confusion. I’ve tried to base it on studies we
have to-date to come to the conclusions about the safety of hormones, as well as some
of the concerns.
I tell my patients all the time, “The only reason to take hormones is if they
make you feel better.” Don’t let fears about hormones prevent you from experiencing
the benefits you may gain from the right balance of hormones.

If you have questions about the information in this article, you may contact Dr. Dent at Complete Women’s Health Care in Florence.
Dr. Dent is Board Certified in Family Practice and Obstetrics and Gynecology and also holds an Advanced Certification in Menopausal Medicine.
47 4/23/09 2:29 PM Page 1
48 4/27/09 10:58 AM Page 1
IN HIS OWN WORDS
Matthew Tyler
I
tory.”
I met Cindy Lyerly in early November 1990. I was out with a friend when I noticed
Cindy as she was eating dinner with another female friend that I had gone to school with.
That gave me the opportunity to say hello and introduce myself. As they say,“The rest is his-
In addition to an absolutely stunning smile, Cindy had the most beautiful eyes. She
was one of the easiest people to talk with that I had ever been around. Plus, I knew if she
was going out with me, she had to have a great sense of humor. There was a degree of com-
panionship that’s hard to describe – a comfort level between the two of us that seemed to
intensify the more we were around one another. I liked her friends; she liked mine (well,
most of them). It was just a natural fit between our personalities. Even though I knew she
was the one for me, I was still nervous and apprehensive when I proposed on Christmas Eve
of 1992. We married after a fairly long engagement and our wedding took place at First
Presbyterian Church in October 1993.
Cindy became a first-time mom when Alana was born in the summer of 1997. She
worked right up to the time of delivery (even working that day!). When the time came, we
were headed to the Women’s Center at Carolinas Hospital but got caught by (what had to
be) the longest train known to mankind. When we finally got to the hospital, everything
went well. (Until I saw the needle used for the epidural, that is!)
The day our second child,Austin, was born, we had the worst storm I had ever seen
in Florence County. I remember the nurse at the hospital saying that they had not had as
many deliveries since Hurricane Hugo. Shortly after Austin was brought into the world, the
storm hit with hail the size of softballs. Other new fathers and I watched in disbelief as the
hail destroyed cars outside in the parking lot. I went to tell Cindy what I had observed; but,
after just delivering Austin, she really wasn’t that interested.
I know that everyone will have a different definition of motherhood, but Cindy real-
ly met the standard of any definition you could
offer. She enjoyed the role of teaching our chil-
dren. She provided all their needs and she had
a real gift of listening and offering compassion,
all of which came to her very naturally.
Cindy was initially diagnosed with breast
cancer in 2003. After surgery and other treat-
ments, it appeared that she had gone into full
remission. In 2005, our world was rocked
when it was discovered that the cancer was not
only present, it had metastasized. This was a
very difficult time, but Cindy never lost her faith
in God. There were countless trips to McLeod
Hospital and Duke University Medical Center.
Until her illness, I had never heard of perpetual
chemotherapy, but that (and other treatments)
took place once a week. This was extremely dif-
ficult for her, but she was determined to watch
our children grow up and she would do whatev-
er she had to do to make that happen.
Matthew Neal Tyler (Matt) and his children, Alana (11) and Austin (8), live in Florence. He is an attorney with the law firm of Aiken, Bridges, Nunn, Elliott & Tyler.
Cindy lost her fight the day after Easter in 2008, with the children and me taking
comfort in the fact that, as with Easter, it was not the end but rather a new beginning for
her. Strangely enough, it was Cindy’s strong faith that helped carry us through.
The biggest fear about raising my children alone was I had the sudden realization
that I had no backup plan if something should happen to me and that every aspect of child-
rearing was now on my shoulders. Although I was ready to step up to the plate and get the
job done, there were (and are) so many things about raising children (especially girls) that I
was unprepared to deal with. Fortunately, I have excellent help from our families. The most
difficult challenge has been juggling everything that needs to be done – my full-time work
schedule, grocery shopping, clothes shopping for the children, meal preparation, school proj-
ects and everything else associated with running a household – and still having family time
together.
Cindy did so much around the house for all of us; there is simply no way for me
to do everything she did nearly as well. I’m still taking this day-by-day and learning the best
means of allocating time. It goes without saying that the children come first, but it truly
seems as if there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be
done. Fortunately, I’ve been able to find really good help with certain things such as after-
school care for the children and home cleaning; but, it seems the time that is freed up is
quickly absorbed by other things.
Cindy and I used to have an understanding that in addition to my work and earn-
ing a living for us, I would take care of most of the things outside the house – the yard work,
home repairs, vehicle maintenance, etc. When it came to inside the house, she was the cap-
tain of the ship, addressing such things as meals and clothing and keeping the house in order.
I love my children dearly; but, with an eleven-year-old and an eight-year-old, keeping the
house in order is a task in and of itself. Trying to manage everything can be quite daunting,
not to mention the needs of the children from the standpoint of education, encouragement,
compassion with things that they are dealing with, love and affection. Plus, although they are
really good kids, like all children, they require discipline on occasion. Before, they could
approach one parent or the other for a little mercy if trouble arose; now, they are stuck with
me. As I have told them before, I am now the judge and the jury.
In my dual role as father and mother, I’ll be lucky if I can be half as good a mother
as Cindy was even on her worst day. I would hope that her traits of remaining optimistic
when the chips are down and, likewise, remaining strong in her faith, would be something
that the children remember and pick up on. I hope I can display the same characteristics.
When it comes to taking care of my children, whether being “Mr. Mom” or just
“Dad,” I could say that spending time with them brings me the most joy. In actuality, how-
ever, the most joy I derive is a byproduct of that. I was once told that spending time with
your children is like an investment; if you can put a little in each day, you will see an incred-
ible return later in life. I find my happiness when I explain/teach something to my children
(not knowing whether they actually absorb it or not) and, later, see that they not only lis-
tened, they’re acting on what they learned. That and seeing their faces light up when I come
home after work provideMatthewthe
Neal Tyler joy
most (Matt) and his children, Alana (11) and Austin (8), live in
to me.
Before Florence. He is an attorney
our daughter was with
born,the Ilaw firm of Aiken,my
remember Bridges, Nunn, Elliott
brother telling& Tyler.
me,
“Once you have children, you will not be able to imagine life without them.”
Truer words were never spoken.
49 4/27/09 3:07 PM Page 1

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50 4/27/09 4:53 PM Page 1

Mary,
Did You Know?
Throughout the history of the church, perhaps the second most recognized
name is the Virgin Mary. A young Jewish girl from the town of Nazareth, Mary
birthed the Savior, Jesus Christ.
As a Jewish follower, Mary was very familiar with all the 300 specific
prophecies in the Old Testament that announced the Messiah. It was prophesied
that He would be born of a virgin (Isaiah 7:14) in the town of Bethlehem (Micah 5:2).
I can only imagine Mary’s thoughts when Gabriel announced to her that she was the
blessed virgin spoken of throughout the scriptures. I’m sure she was both honored
and scared. This was a blessing above all blessings but with a huge price tag attached.
Not only would she be pregnant with no husband in the society that she lived, she
would also have to endure the cross years later.
The movie,The Nativity, gives a wonderful overview of what it was like to
be Mary. The four gospels say she was engaged to be married and told that she
would birth the Messiah. She then leaves to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, who was also
pregnant. When she returns to Nazareth, it is very evident that she is with child.
Joseph, the man she is engaged to, and her parents are speechless. After being
revealed in a dream that the Baby in which Mary is carrying is the blessed Messiah,
Joseph accepts Mary as his bride.
Since the beginning, Mary was a follower of Jesus. She accepted the preg-
nancy, knowing how much it was
going to cost her as a young
adult living in Nazareth, and
she was there at the
cross. “Near the
cross of Jesus
stood his mother
...” (John 19:25).
Considered a
m o t h e r
blessed
above all
mothers,
Mary still
endured so
much in the
death of her Son.
Mary knew
that Jesus was the
Messiah because of
what she saw and
what she experi-
enced. She stood
by Jesus through
the good times
and the bad.
by Leigh Clary Abdou
What about us in the here-and-now who haven’t experienced what Mary
saw? Jesus says in John 20:29,“. . . blessed are those who have not seen and yet have
believed.”
What do we have available today to prove Jesus is the Messiah? Mary had
the prophecies of the Old Testament, not to mention a visit from an angel. We have
the Old Testament prophecies, as well. As mentioned earlier, there are over 300
prophecies which all point to the Christ Child. The chance of one person fulfilling
even half of these prophecies is incredible; the fact that these prophecies were writ-
ten by different men throughout different time periods is almost inconceivable.
Revelation 19:10 says, “. . . worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the
spirit of prophecy.” The scriptures, which are so readily available to us, are our proof
that Jesus is the Messiah. Isaiah 53 gives a play-by-play description of Jesus and why
he did what he did, yet Isaiah was written 740-680 BC – over 700 years before
Christ was born.
Today, we have the Old Testament, the New Testament and the Holy Spirit
to direct us. The New Testament is clear that Jesus is Who He claimed to be. Acts
4:12, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other Name under Heaven
given to men by which we must be saved.” I John 5:5,“Who is it that overcomes the
world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.”
Sadly, many people do not agree with these statements today. We have
started to twist the scriptures to make them say what we want them to say. I’m a
firm believer that the scriptures should be taken in their literal sense. If they weren’t
taken literally and if they tried to make everyone happy, then why did the religious
leaders of the time want to crucify Jesus? They wanted to crucify Him because He
was preaching and doing things that stepped on peoples’ toes. He was telling many
what they didn’t want to hear and showing them that their way of living wasn’t right.
This made them angry, which eventually led to Him dying on the cross.
We might not have Jesus with us here, physically, and we might not have
Mary here to tell us what she saw, but we do have the scriptures. II Timothy 3:16-
17,“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and
training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly
equipped for every good work.” John 1:1, “In the beginning was the
Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
Revelations 19:13, “. . . and His name is called The Word of God.”
Let scripture speak over your life today. Know what Mary
knew and believe what she believed. Blessed are those who believe,
yet have never seen.
Leigh Abdou lives in Florence with her husband, Tony, and loves
working for She Magazine. She is originally from Valdosta, Georgia.
You can reach her at leigh@shemagazine.com
53 4/27/09 1:27 PM Page 1

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The DSS Child Care

Licensing Office
in Florence
Renell Jones, Gayle Douglas, Karen Hall, Jennie Stanton and Whitney Smith
Not Pictured: LaDrica Christian In a letter to She Magazine, Gayle M. Douglas, DSS
Senior Child Care Regulatory Specialist, wrote:

First, I would like to say that I value She Magazine and the We take our jobs seriously and work hard at making sure that the
children we serve have the safest and most nurturing facility possible. We
women who are willing to share their stories with all of us. I can person-
all believe that every child deserves the “best home away from home.” I
ally relate with many of them on different events and it is comforting to
am proud to be a part of such an important team.
read their stories.
I hope you will help me honor these women who give so much of
I work in Florence with DSS Child Care Licensing in an office of
just chicks (13 to be exact). I am one of the new chicks in the office and
themselves for the children by considering them as candidates for She
Magazine’s “Chicks of the Month.”
it has been a privilege getting to know each of these great women. Just as
Thank you and God bless you all.
the women that share their stories in She Magazine, my co-workers have
dealt with sickness, tragedy, etc., and we are there for each other, sharing
our faith in God and our love for one another. Yes, we have many bless-
ings, too, for which we are truly grateful and, together, we rejoice in these.
Each of us is assigned to several counties in Region 4 and it is our
responsibility to regulate and supervise all the Child Care Facilities in our
assigned counties. Our jobs are very rewarding; but, at the same time, they
can be very stressful. Although we all live in different towns and attend
different churches, we are all very close and have a good support system
throughout the office, which is really important since we all go in different
directions each day.

If you would like to receive lunch courtesy of She Magazine and

Chick-fil-A at the Magnolia Mall, Magnolia Mall Drive-In and Florence
Darlington Tech locations, send a brief e-mail telling us why your office
or group should be Chicks of the Month to: editor@shemagazine.com
Sarah Johnson, Dianne Fulton, Joanna Thurman, Jane Brown, Ruth Boyd and Peggy Wilson
54 4/27/09 3:13 PM Page 1
M
y dad learned to drive like a farmer; right wrist resting
on the wheel to steer, left elbow resting on the open
window sill. Preferred speed around 40mph. We’ve
always picked on him, my uncles, anyone whose main
goal in driving place to place was to check out the
crops see how everything was getting along. My
family isn’t the only ones who notice this. There’s
even a funny incidence in which an understanding policeman gently remind-
ed Daddy that the speed limit was somewhat higher than he was cruising
along one day.
Naturally, you get us talking about it and we can go on for awhile
about the driving habits of Uncle Roy, Uncle Carl, Uncle Hubert and my grand-
daddy. As each of us started driving and got our licenses my cousins and I made
a game of passing Uncle Roy on the way to church. He would pick at us to let us
know he had noticed and wave a half-heartedly scolding finger in our direction. But
we all knew he thought it was fun; something to humor the great nieces and
nephews.
Being the youngest and the last to start driving and get my license it
seemed a great right of passage to pass Uncle Roy for the first time. It was Sunday
morning, we were late for church, and I never thought I would understand why
they drove so slowly. Over the years I watched all the farmers in my family coast
by the rows of corn, tobacco and soybeans.They would methodically scan the hori-
zon for the full picture and then follow the perimeter of each field surveying dam-
age, loss, and gain. Eventually I began to appreciate their watchful eye, at least as
long as I wasn’t in the car behind them trying to make it somewhere on time.
I cannot decide if it’s ironic or somewhat expected that I find myself doing
the same thing sometimes now. Certainly I don’t keep their preferred speed; I’m
most too busy for that. But I do find myself looking, scanning the fields and survey-
ing the crops.And while my uncles and my daddy would be more interested in the
growth and the soil, I find myself drawn to the barns. Stowed away in a corner, cov-
ered by the growth of unused years, you’ll find them quite surprisingly these days.
Roads I drive weekly are dotted with barns I only just discovered due to the cam-
ouflage of kudzu and young trees and vines.
As many as I see I remember that our farms too have these disappearing
barns. Structures that were once resilient have fallen victim to storms, disease,
passing owners, and dwindling agricultural economics. Sadly, those barns are like
my family; slowly disappearing underneath the years. And as I drive and catch
glimpses of a red tin roof or an old brick chimney I remember times when the
barns were packed with harvest and their lives were rich with strength and health.
I could never have imagined how one day we would be without them, just as I
never thought I would drive like a farmer.
From recent articles you may know that I have been remembering my
grandma a good bit lately with the weather and her favorite time of year in full
bloom.This week one of her remaining two siblings, sisters, passed away and I feel
as if I have lost another piece of her; one more person who
could help me remember. My family all says that I
looked most like my grandma, and grandma looked most
like Aunt Juanita. Somehow that created a kinship for me
with her that I treasured.
keeping the
Past a Part
of my
Present
by Anna Kathryn Pitts
Spunky, social, full of quick wit and smart phrases she has always been a bright spot
in our family. Between her and the other sisters, family dinners were full of chat-
ter and good-hearted gossip and just as much as each of their other siblings and
spouses, her presence will be dearly missed.
It seems that the number "greats" you have to add to describe a family
relationship often translates as distance. Many assume that because of their age or
health, great-great grandparents are not as close to heart as great-grandparents,
and that great-grandparents are not as close as grandparents. But some families are
quite the opposite when we are taught to hold those with more "greats" preced-
ing their status even closer and more dear because of their age and health.
I was raised in part by fifteen-plus great aunts and uncles on my dad's side
alone.They lived in the same community; shared and farmed the same land inher-
ited from their parents; cooked and perfected the same great recipes year after
year; scolded us with the same hearts they loved us with.And just within the past
three years their numbers have dwindled leaving now only one set; my grandma's
youngest sister and her husband.
It’s sad for me to witness how my family seems to be disappearing. It’s
even harder to realize how much we depended on them to keep the rest of us
together.Times are much different and we no longer all live in the same commu-
nities, we let busy lives win too often so that we don’t share the frequent phone
calls and bits of news that grandma and her sisters once did. We’re slowly realiz-
ing that it’s just us, the next three and four generations of cousins and brothers
and sisters.
But as we travel through, if we look more carefully and closely, we can
begin to see how the past has shaped us and notice that those dilap-
idated barns are still quite beautiful to remind us of the people
they represent. Those lives with their strength and resiliency
taught us how to come together and raise up the structures
that would one day remind us of who we are and who
we come from. For how often does one child get a
chance to say all of this about the richness of her
family? And how often do so many others wish that
they could have had just this type of family history?
I’m so grateful to all of those “grands” and “greats”
in my life to have invested such time and history
into me that I may recognize those quick glimpses
of the past for the valuable treasures that they are.
Anna K. Pitts lives in Florence where she works at the Drs. Bruce and Lee Foundation
Library doing children’s storytimes. She is vigorously pursuing her Master’s Degree in
Library Science at USC. Go Gamecocks!
55a 4/24/09 11:28 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 55

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56 4/27/09 4:45 PM Page 1

If Mothering
Came with
Instructions...
They Wouldn’t
Fit On a Shelf
by Beth Grant

F ROM the moment we look into the eyes of

our infant children, it’s over. We are now their prey and
completely unable to save ourselves. Nonetheless, this is
what we always wanted; this tiny creature with mixed fea-
ask if he could watch the baby for you to jump
in the shower and he agrees. As you step in the
shower, you decide to shave your legs and actu-
ally enjoy the process for once. This private lit-
Your child falls off his tricycle
and scrapes his knees and cries
that hurt cry that always scares
you to death. You rush to his
tle moment becomes a blessing and you feel reju- side and explain about being more care-
tures of two people in love. Clearly, we are in charge,
venated. You step into the family room (clean, but with
though, and totally prepared for this. Aren’t we? How ful next time while you clean the “boo-boo”
no makeup yet) and you hear – the baby crying.
difficult can it be to mother this bundle of love? and apply a character Band-Aid and a kiss.
With your hair still in a towel, you rescue your
Then – the baby begins to cry. Oh, the wonder- Suddenly, he feels much better.
husband. Immediately, the baby smells your scent and
ful, fragile sound it makes! Your instincts take over and, Fast forward to the first crush. You
settles right down. All is well. This is your defining
suddenly, your own needs are forgotten. You are pretty explain about being tender and true and tell
moment; you realize you are Momma and you smile at
certain the baby is hungry again because you recognize your own love story. She arrives home from
this revelation.
the cry. Don’t worry; if you are unsure of yourself, there
Fast forward. The baby is crawling now. Baby- school, crying because her heart was broken.
will be plenty of advice from all directions – grandmoth-
proofing the house is necessary to protect your child The story about plenty of fish in the sea is
ers, doctors, friends and books (just to name a few).
from danger. Everything that finds its way into the hand now recited – and ignored. You take her to
Everyone has an opinion of the “best” way to care for
quickly makes its way into the mouth. You become an get her driver’s permit and she feels better.
your child. You know, the way they did it. You begin to
expert at multi-tasking. While folding clothes (with the Spring break arrives and you refuse to
realize the enormous responsibility you now have.
baby at your feet), you are aware of his every movement grant permission for her to go to the beach
Undaunted, you tiptoe into the nursery and listen to your
and describe each item he is discovering. without you. She cries like a baby. She then
infant breathing while it sleeps peacefully – like an angel.
Fast forward again. Your baby begins to walk. tells you she hates you and you feel like you
You thank God for the miracle of this birth and for His
Let the fun begin! At this stage of the game, you will learn have been kicked in the stomach.
infinite grace.
to play offense and defense at the same time. The baby
You begin to realize you could use a little nap She graduates from high school. You
is into everything and is never still. Multi-tasking is now
and grab a magazine and lie down. Just as you get settled cry like a baby.
at warp speed. When your husband comes home for
– the baby cries. Your baby has just been fed, burped and She falls madly in love; they break up. She cries
lunch, you still have not showered. You cannot leave your
has a fresh diaper, so what could possibly be wrong? You like a baby and you comfort her like no one else can. She
toddler unattended for one second. At this point, the
decide to hold and comfort. There, that worked. The falls in love again and again until – the one! She marries
child knows no danger and you are his only clue. Your
baby is asleep again, so you tenderly place it back into the and, again, you cry like a baby. She’s not a baby anymore.
precious husband comes to the rescue and into the
crib. You then realize you need to start a load of laundry
shower you go. No time for shaving this time, let alone You realize nothing will ever be the same. She has her
and unload the dishwasher. After that, you can grab a
makeup. As you enter the room you hear – your baby own life and she will go to him now. You cry again.
quick nap before the baby wakes up.
talking in sentences. She places your grandchild in your arms. Yes,
Everything’s going great and you even had time
You laugh as your husband tries to answer your again, you cry like a baby. Your baby has a baby.
to plan dinner and begin thawing the roast. You grab a
child as every statement is followed by, “Why?” It’s Immediately, you recall the day she was born and realize
magazine again and start relaxing while it’s quiet and then
exhausting explaining everything backwards and forwards she will understand how much you loved her now. She
– the baby is crying. Realizing Baby’s “paci” has fallen out,
again and again. You long for silence now until you hear, will make up her own set of instructions as she follows
you find it, replace it and it works. Sleeping peacefully
“I wuv you, Mommy.” It’s as if the heavens open up and her heart. You look at your grown woman-child holding
again, you decide to get your shower and get dressed in
joy fills the earth! Mommy! That’s me! her child and, suddenly, she’s frail and small again. You
case someone comes by to see the baby. You realize you
By now, your child has called your name forty-
haven’t eaten yet, so you grab a quick bite and put the understand the journey she will travel; you paved the way.
nine times in succession. You now long for silence. Then,
laundry into the dryer. Your husband comes home from GOD BLESS ALL MOTHERS.
you hear your child’s prayers and you wish it would never
work to see the baby and you still haven’t showered. You
end.

Beth Grant is an Artist, Interior Decorator and Writer. She and her husband, Don, live on their family farm in Lamar, South Carolina. They own and operate Mantissa Row in Hartsville.
59 4/27/09 11:17 AM Page 1

Annie at

mothering through the generations

by Annie Collins
I forgot my mother’s birthday. I wouldn’t even know that I forgot it if she
hadn’t mentioned on the phone while we were chatting that my dad took off work
three days ago to celebrate with her. I feel awful. I really need to get a calendar,
although I would probably forget to write on it!
All of that said, since my mother did not have much help in raising us and still
did an amazing job of taking care of our every need, both physical and spiritual, I should
never miss a birthday (or a weekly chat) and I want her to know how much I love her
and how thankful I am for her years of sacrifice. I “rise up and call her blessed”
I told my mom how sorry I was and that I would make it up to her. She insist- (Proverbs 31:28) for she did an amazing job with what she was given. Someday, I hope
ed it was fine and not to worry about it, but I don’t believe her. Thank goodness it’s my children will feel the same way about me and even when they get so busy they can’t
almost Mother’s Day so I can rectify my mistake. I was thinking about what I could do even remember what month it is, I will be there waiting for them when they call.
for her, not wanting it to be ordinary because that wouldn’t be enough retribution for I miss you, Mom. I wish you weren’t so far away. But, I know the distance
my big blunder. I know she really enjoys reading this article, so I decided to dedicate between us is only temporal and the service you have done to the Lord will be the
this one to her. (I was always going to write about what you are about to read this crown that you will lay at His feet in eternity where we will Praise God forever for the
month, but it means even more now.) work of grace He has done in our lives. Thank you for your obedience to God’s high
Flash-forward twenty years from now when my girls are grown and on their calling of motherhood. Thank you for all the time and all the energy and all of yourself
own. How will I feel if they forget to call me on my birthday? Will I understand and that you gave so that we would be happy, healthy and devoted to God. Whatever you
not think twice about it or will it hurt to the core (even though I probably won’t show do in life, motherhood is your greatest accomplishment. I pray that God would bless
it) because of all the years and all the days and all the hours I spent taking care of their you in all areas of service, that they would produce as much fruit.
every need. Well, almost every need; I’m not on my own here. Dan (my husband) is
such a large part of the caregiving and sometimes does a better job than I do, not only
with the girls but with housekeeping, too. This was not the case for my mom – or Dan’s
mom or many moms past and present who bear alone the major part of the responsi-
bilities of child-rearing.
In my generation, you see more husbands thoroughly involved in the details of
their children’s daily needs like getting them ready for school in the morning, transport-
ing them to their activities, fixing and feeding meals, bathtime, bedtime routines and,
most importantly, Bible study. All this is on top of the expected Daddy-play-time. This
husband type has become so common in the twenty-first century due to more women
working full-time and more equalization in society of male/female roles – and I like to
think a more biblical understanding among believers of what it means to love your wife
like Christ loves the church. Nevertheless, this man was hard to find in my parents’
generation.
I want to say here that I know not all husbands are living up to this standard,
even in today’s supposedly-equal-opportunity society. Those of you in marriages with
men who are a little “behind the times” and don’t understand the high calling of loving
and serving you, know that in Christ, you find your ultimate groom and that He has
promised to give you the strength you need to succeed in glorifying Him in your mar-
riage if you call on Him for your help.

“Whatever you do in life,

motherhood is your
greatest accomplishment.”
Originally from Orlando, Florida, Annie Collins now resides in Marion with her husband, Dan,
a Youth Minister, and their two daughters, Maddy and Phoebe. She is a 2004 graduate of
Columbia International University with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology. Annie looks
forward to your feedback. You may contact her at anniescollins@yahoo.com.
60 4/22/09 4:23 PM Page 1

Trying to Measure Up to the

Perfect Mom?
Lower Your Expectations
and Learn to Enjoy Motherhood
by Ouida Page
Being a perfect mother is, at best, thankless. I believe when you are This mom is possibly a very insecure person and may have low self-
relaxed and really trying to do your best as a mom, you are happy and con- esteem. By trying to keep a perfect house and look a certain way
vey that to your children and husband. When you are trying to do every- all the time, she feels that everything is under control and all is
thing and be the perfect super mom, you are setting yourself up to okay. This facade enables her to feel good about herself – if only
become bitter, resentful and stressed. superficially. When a mother wants a perfect house, the
You can really miss a lot when you are children cannot run and play and scatter toys as
trying to be perfect, focusing on look- they enjoy themselves in a normal manner
ing and acting the part. What a because things would look messy and
tremendous responsibility to try and be out of place.
do everything perfectly. Some unre- Another example of a personality
alistic goals might be trying to keep that would try to be perfect would be a
a perfect house without clutter, mom who had very critical parents her-
looking your best at all times, being self or parents that were somewhat emo-
the perfect cook and preparing meals every night tionally abusive and had unrealistic expec-
and working an outside job. Who can do all tations. This mom would probably have con-
this and feel like a human being? It’s way trol issues to some degree and this could be
too much for anyone to try and reflected in her parenting skills.
accomplish in this day and time. Something that may help you if you
My husband and I tend to be a perfectionist or if you find
know a couple that have a yourself trying to be a super mom is
full-time international min- learning what kinds of activities help you
istry. They have one son and to relax. If it’s exercise, then try to devel-
he has been very successful. He op a routine of working out every day. If it’s
has a graduate degree and is help- gardening, try to do some outside activities in
ing with the ministry at this time. We your yard on a very regular basis. If you find that
observed this couple over the years and their it is flower arranging or riding your bicycle, be
focus was not on their son nor on being perfect determined to do this activity every day, knowing
parents; their focus was on the kingdom of that it will make you a better and more well-round-
God. Matthew 6:33 says,“But seek ye first the ed mom and wife. You’ll be happier and your chil-
kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all dren and husband will be more content and
these things shall be added unto you.” We things, in general, will go better.
believe this is exactly what took place in I know a lady who exercises every day
their situation. Their house was not always and if she misses, her son can tell. He
straight; their meals were not at the same asks her if she has worked out or not.
time every night. Nevertheless, both par- It’s not selfish to exercise or per-
ents have written and published several form an activity that makes you
books and their son is happy and well-adjust- easier to live with and be around;
ed. it’s just plain smart and shows that
I believe that a mother who is trying to you’re using your wisdom.
appear perfect is very self-centered and self-absorbed.
Her focus is not on her family at all but on herself. Ouida K. Page is a Licensed Professional and National Board
Certified Counselor with a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing and is a
member of the International Honor Society of Nursing.
She has been in private practice for over 15 years, specializing
in families and issues relating to children, adolescents and
women of all ages. Ouida is married and has one son.
You may contact her by e-mailing editor@shemagazine.com
with “Ouida” as the subject matter.
61 4/22/09 12:50 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 61

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62 4/22/09 4:24 PM Page 1

Kate Sansbury is Little Miss

Sunshine! This is the perfect title for her
because she has a huge smile that she wears most
of the time. She lights up a room with that smile and
her warmth and spirit. She is the most optimistic
person I know.
Her father, Bryant; her eight-year-old brother, Jack;
and I live in Florence. She is the granddaughter of Dick and
Nancy Sansbury of Effingham and Jim and Pam Saville of Albany,
Georgia. We are members of Central United Methodist Church.
Kate is five-years-old and attends 4K at Central UMC
Preschool. Her teachers are constantly telling me how helpful and
polite she is. Quick with a smile and always ready with a helping
hand, she frequently earns “kindness tickets” at school for helping
others and displaying compassion for her peers.
She has attended Central preschool since she was two.
Although she’ll be sad to leave preschool, she’s very excited about Kate loves to sing.
attending Royall Elementary in the fall. She’s ready for Kindergarten! She had a solo in her school’s Christmas
She loves school. Her favorite thing about school is her won- production. Her favorite music is country and Taylor Swift is her
derful teachers, Ms.Teri Hefley and Ms. Mona Pipkin, and her friends. favorite singer.
Kate is fun loving and makes friends easily. Although she doesn’t have any pets at home, Kate is a pet
With many interests, she stays busy. She takes tennis lessons lover. Her grandmothers share her love of animals, so Kate enjoys
with three of her best friends and has weekly dance classes in tap, her pony, Daylight, and the dogs and many cats at her grandparents’
ballet and hip-hop. This time of year, when she’s not on the courts home in Effingham. At her grandparents’ home in Albany, she has a
or practicing for her recital, you can find Kate at Maple Park cheer- dog, Abby, and a kitty, Effie.
ing on her brother’s baseball team. She also loves spending time with An exceptional child whose sweet spirit affects all who know
friends and hanging out in her playhouse. her, Kate is a delight to know and love!

This month’s “Wee She” was submitted by Kate’s mother, Amy Sansbury. If you would like to nominate a little girl
for “Wee She,” send an e-mail to editor@shemagazine.com with “Wee She” Nomination as the subject.
Photo by AmySansbury Photography
63 4/23/09 12:57 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 63

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64 4/27/09 3:30 PM Page 1

the Stress of the D R E S S (and other stuff)

Sincerely Yours by Jumana A. Swindler

i It's been a lot more complicated than I thought. This mother of the
groom thing, I mean. I thought I had the easy part. "Just have fun, let the
bride handle everything, don’t worry -- let her family do that, smile a lot and
wear beige as appropriate." Or, "Act pleasant if you can’t be sophisticated and
don’t get ruffled about the arrangements. Just keep quiet, and go with the flow"
my friends have all warned me this past year, following my oft spoken of off-
spring's engagement announcement last winter.
Those phrases have been the golden nuggets of wisdom shared by others
who have allegedly paved the way ahead of me. Woefully, these attempts at
mentoring me before the occasion actually arrives have not really armed
me for the current pressures of being the mom of the son soon to be
wed.
I know I am not the first or the last. Sons and daughters have been
getting married for centuries upon ages, but no one ever really pre-
pared us mothers for this process. Whether tying the domestic knot
takes place at city hall, far out at sea on a cruise ship, in a backwoods
church, at a booth in Vegas or even in a vast cathedral, the prenuptial stuff
for parents feels a bit tougher than I would have expected as the mother of
the groom. Especially, if you're a parent planning to attend the wedding when
elopement for the couple was never an option.
Take for instance, the pressures of "Moms-in-waiting to be in-laws" to have just
the right shoes, dress, and jewelry for the event.And, who would have speculated
that 732 people would have asked me 7,988 times and at each personal
encounter -- around the block, at work, church, in mall parking lots and even
at the grocery store: "Have you bought your dress for Adam's wedding
yet?" This has been going on for weeks and weeks and weeks before the
ceremony. For those of you who know me, you clearly can surmise that I
am not a shopper, particularly in this case, which requires great taste and
finesse. However, I am and have been convinced that I'll know what I want and need
the moment I see it.Then, I'll buy just the right frock for the special occasion.
"Well the right dress doesn’t jump right off the shelf and say, 'Here Jumana, take me
home. I look great and will fit you perfectly so buy me now!'" said one of my smug for-
As an undergraduate in college, I took valuable cours-
mer friends. Note I said former. She ticked me off with that one and we don’t talk to each
es, studies that would empower me to survive a difficult world,
other anymore. I'm avoiding her for awhile. Anyway, my other buddy, Susan Pickle, and I
like western civilization, economics and even a dead language or
commiserated on this fact not too long ago. Her daughter got married recently and she
two, like Latin. Latin has even been occasionally beneficial when I
acknowledged that nothing about her child's wedding unnerved Susan as much as the
quote the saying on our dollar bills. You know the one…."e
constant inquiries on her status of an outfit for the wedding. "You would think the world
pluribus unum," which I think means the "more the merrier."
revolved around what my dress looked like and its color," Susan remarked quite exas-
Anyway, none of these classes included premarital insight.
perated.
No exam ever tested you on Wedding Preparation for
"Yep," I said in agreement. "You would think that our clothing was the pivotal point
Moms 101. Some of the questions I'd like answered as the mother of the groom just
of the entire festivity." My friends and hers have whispered both in front of our faces
weren't in the texts books or found in updated editions of Emily Post, like:
and behind our backs, remarking rather frequently on the Delay of Dress purchase
- What are you supposed to be called by your future child in law and when does
Dilemma, (the three d's) -- as if the entire economic future of America depended on it.
that title magically go into effect, before, after or during the wedding? (Will my name be
Apparently, my dress or lack thereof and the Obama Stimulus Package have been the two
Ju-mom-in-law?)
top concerns for the USA and my family since January. AND YES. Readers before you
- Is it really bad luck to pass up wedding cake 'cause you maxed out in Weight
send the emails, I HAVE A DRESS. (Now, maybe it's not THE one, but at least it's a fancy
Watcher points for the week?
back up just in case I run out of time…..)
- How many times a day should you day dream about what your grandchildren
My personal advisor on this subject, Marie Segars, indicated that I was being far too flip-
may look like? (Will my future grandson favor a Middle Eastern Charlie Brown?)
pant about the dress issue. "This is important.To you and the entire family.You should take
- Can you pass around an offering plate during the wedding to cover some of
this more seriously. And remove this worry and burden off the shoulders of your future
the expenses incurred by the groom during his early years at home with Mom? (You
daughter in law.Whether she tells you or not, she wants you to get a dress. You can’t go
know you would have if you could….)
with just anything.Your dress is a statement." Well, how's this for a statement.Will Someone
- Can you wear tennis shoes through the whole affair if you pretend that
Please Take this Stress out of the Dress!
nobody notices?
Scripture reminds us of the inevitable, all the way back in the first book of Genesis.
- Just what does "form fitting" really mean when it comes to the mother of the
Women will marry your boys and men will marry your girls and they all will live happily in
groom dress? (Does it imply that the dress is too loose, or mean that you should indeed
the virtual ark for awhile, at least until the two's become threesomes, foursomes and five-
make that appointment for the tummy tuck well in advance of the rehearsal dinner?)
somes or somes-things like that.And when the Love Boat settles after the flood, those chil-
No wonder weddings make us all feel giddy. And, it ain't the champagne!
dren will have more children who will marry other children.And so it goes. But in the mean-
Happy Mother's Day. I know mine will be!!
time, what about the prep emotionally, financially and socially for the weddings along the way?
Jumana A. Swindler, a resident of Florence, is the Director of Marketing and Public Relations for McLeod Health. Her personal favorite pastimes, reflected in her writings,
are RV'ing, movies,Theater, fishing, reading and spending time with her son and family
65 4/22/09 1:11 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 65

Monogramming
Available
• Wedding
• Baby
Register to W I N a
• Graduation
M a r k e t T o t e with
Monogramming
during the month of
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West Gate Square 2626 B 2nd Loop Florence • 667-3633

First row left to right: Nancy Vivian, Tracey Campbell, Mary Allred, Cathy Stokes, Jacqueline Tonsor
Second row left to right: Melody McCutcheon, Heather Matthews, Beverly Sandifer, Robin Lewis, Carnella Hickson, Barbara Newby

Our nurses have earned the gold standard in South Carolina.

The Palmetto Gold Awards recognize those nurses in our state that best represent excellence in nursing practice and commitment to the
profession. McLeod Health is honored to have had 83 nurses receive this distinction, more than any other hospital in South Carolina,
including the eleven this year that have been added to this very prestigious list.
To this year’s winners and to all the nurses who go above and beyond every day to ensure the best of care for our patients, we say “thank you!”

McLeod Health
www.McLeodHealth.org
66 4/22/09 4:26 PM Page 1

Chic k Lit
The Ultimate Baby Massage:
Massage Relief for Colic, Gas & Constipation
by Jeanne Yarborough, LMT

I have been practicing massage therapy for fifteen years. I have a true
passion for my field of work and from my very first day of attending
massage school in 1994, I was interested in baby massage.
A funny thing happened one evening. I accompanied a family to Las
Vegas to care for their four-year-old daughter. They traveled a lot and wanted
to be with their child while attending a conference. The last night of the trip, I
had a dream. I woke up about 5 AM and thought, “I’m supposed to remember
my dream.” A few minutes went by and I suddenly remembered it.
Realizing I had dreamt an entire book, I sprang to the floor, frantically
searching the hotel room trying to find anything to write on, including the toi-
let paper! I didn’t want to forget a single detail.
During my dream, I saw every page of the
book – the baby massage strokes,
how the pages were laid out, col-
ors to use, everything. I believe
the book was a gift and, now, I
have the opportunity to
share it.
Last year, I started a
company called Baby
Therapie, LLC, and self-pub-
lished my book, The Ultimate
Baby Massage: Massage Relief
for Colic, Gas & Constipation. I
also developed a line of four all-
natural baby massage oils.
My book is for new or first-time parents, families who adopt, grandpar-
ents, caregivers, even women experiencing baby blues after giving birth. Massage
not only soothes and calms babies who suffer from pain associated with consti-
pation, colic, gas, digestive issues or just crankiness, it does the same for Mom
and Dad, too.
The 8” x 8” boutique-styled book demonstrates all the massage
strokes via colorful photography of two very content babies. Each photo has
quick, easy-to-follow instructions and a number of the photos have directional
arrows on top of them for further clarity and reassurance for the reader. This
book is written for a parent who might not know anything about giving a mas-
sage or a baffled parent with a screaming baby and no leisure time to read up
on baby massage. Also included is a keepsake page for recording special
moments.
The book ($18.95) can be purchased by calling Jeanne at 843-661-6971
or ordered online at babytherapie.com. Books and baby massage oils are now
available at Baby Furniture & More in Florence and Burry Bookstore in
Hartsville. Please join us June 23rd from 10 AM until noon at Burry Bookstore
for a book signing event and baby massage demonstration.
May you have many blessed and peaceful days with your baby.
Here’s what people are saying about
The Ultimate Baby Massage:

“Jeanne’s book is phenomenal – a must-have for all new mothers and a

great gift item! This book is an easy read and full of practical advice.”
- Dr. David Chapman, MD, Obstetrician/Gynecologist

“This is a great book and my son
absolutely loves getting his massages.”
- Jett Beres, Bass Guitarist and
Vocalist for the band, Sister Hazel
“Emotionally, baby massage can
decrease stress and tension for both
parents and baby. It promotes
calmness, relaxation and strengthens
bonding. Baby massage is also an
effective strategy for lessening post-
partum depression and cultivating
positive interactions between
mother and child.”
- Rene Williams LCP, CACll,
McLeod Psychiatric Associates
“ I recently gave The Ultimate Baby Massage
to a new mom, whom I spoke with today. She
RAVED about the book and how it helped her
get through a colicky episode with her two-
month-old. She thanked me over and over
again for giving it to her.” - Miss M. Harrelson,
Insurance Specialist, Richmond,Virginia
Jeanne Yarborough is a Licensed Massage
Therapist and has been working and teaching
in the massage field since 1994. She has
appeared on television, radio and has been
featured in newspapers, sharing her knowledge
of pregnancy, labor and baby massage, as well
as general massage therapy. Please visit her
website at www.baby-therapie.com.
67 4/22/09 1:18 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 67

Catering Available
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Free to the Public
New Sunday Hours! 11am-5pm 2930 Master’s Way • Darlington
600 S. Irby St. Florence • 843-664-9191 843.395.1370

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over 20 employers. Florence Nursing Assistant Magnolia Mall
David McLeod Blvd.
“Absolute Medical has provided well-trained, quality employees for our residential community.”
-Kathryn Atkinson, Administrator, Laurel Gardens Inside of Mall on right before
JC Penny Entrance
“We have been very pleased with the quality of Absolute Medical’s graduates and they have made excellent employees” Mon-Sat: 10am-9pm,
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Absolute Medical” - Shannon Berg, Administrator, Pee Dee Gardens. 843-665-8758
68 4/22/09 4:22 PM Page 1
what you need to know about
The The excitement of finding out you’re pregnant can fill
the air with great anticipation in the family. Not only are the
prospective parents happy, the grandparents-to-be become ecstatic.
(After all, haven’t they been bugging you since you got married about “start-
ing a family?”) This excitement builds to a great big crescendo until D-day
arrives. The brand new mommy is handed a tiny bundle, complete with halo (isn’t that
how it is on TV?), while music plays in the background and an instant and immediate life-
long bonding occurs. They go home and life is perfect and beautiful.
Yeah, right! Okay, we’ll skip the gory details, but suffice it to say that labor and
delivery are no walk in the park. In real life, the new mommy is handed the tiny, red-faced,
flat-nosed infant, which has been delivered in one of the new hospital delivery suites. You
know the ones; all kinds of people are present throughout the labor and delivery process,
some even with video cameras! Believe me, labor is called labor for a reason. The mom
is usually exhausted when the little one enters the world and, yes, she looks at her new
offspring and probably think that he/she is pretty phenomenal – ten little fingers and toes,
two little semi-crossed eyes. But, is there an instant superglue bonding? Probably not for
most women. Not yet, not for a few more weeks and months.
Also, reality includes some other factors that the new mom usually isn’t prepared
for. Her physical body has undergone huge changes during labor, delivery and the imme-
diate postpartum period. She is physically tired and her hormones are raging. She may be
sleep-deprived from labor and delivery alone, but this is nothing compared to how much
more she’s going to be in the coming weeks. In the case of the first-time mother, she may
be anxious about whether she’s doing things right. Is the baby supposed to cry this much,
not want to sleep, spit up this much? – and on and on.
Often, within three to four days after delivery, a huge number of women (esti-
mates range from 50-85 percent) get “the baby blues.” Studies suggest it usually peaks
around the fifth day and remits by about the tenth postpartum day. When a new mother,
however, begins having tearfulness, sudden mood changes, anxiety and irritability, she may
become concerned and, sometimes, even guilty about what’s happening to her, fearing that
it’s indicative of the fact that somehow she isn’t a good mother or she doesn’t love her
baby enough.
Postpartum blues are temporary and have little long-term consequences. They
don’t require specific mental health interventions other than reassurance, support and
education about all the physical, emotional and psychosocial changes that are occurring in
a mother’s life. At the residency program where I work, we train our family medicine res-
ident physicians to inquire/educate young moms about the baby blues so they won’t be
taken off guard should it occur. When it happens, it can be scary to the young mother.
Occasionally, some women will develop postpartum depression. Estimates are
that about 10-15 percent of women develop it sometime during the first year after giving
birth. It usually seems to begin within three to six months after delivery, although some
women may have an acute episode sooner than that. Studies have demonstrated that
women who have had postpartum depression in the past are more likely to have it again.
Also, women who experienced depression during pregnancy are more likely to have post-
partum depression. Discuss this openly with your doctor should it happen to you.
Some studies suggest that certain risk factors seem to make women more likely
Carol Adams, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with McLeod Family Medicine Center in Florence.
Postpartum
Depression
by Carol Adams, PhD
to develop postpartum depression. These include such things as marital dissatisfaction,
inadequate social support and stressful life events during pregnancy or near the time of
delivery. Again, it can be overlooked by physicians because patients feel a stigma associat-
ed with acknowledging depression. Moms tend to associate it with their lack of being a
good and loving parent to their infants. Let’s face it, there are a lot of societal expecta-
tions that the new mom should be content and fulfilled now that she has this wonderful
bundle of joy. Never mind the fact that Mom has slept (at most) two hours a night dur-
ing the first month home and has never gotten over the exhaustion of the twenty-three
hours of labor and/or pain from her C-section. The baby seems to cry all the time. Mom
worries about breastfeeding (is baby getting enough nourishment?), husband is working
long hours and no family is nearby to provide any relief. Add to this the tough economic
times most people are facing right now and it’s easy to see how all these factors can con-
tribute to depression.
For the individual who experiences a depressive episode, treatment is available.
It includes such things as support, counseling sessions and medications. Support might
include getting some kind of assistance for the new mom through family or friends just to
give her the opportunity to take a shower and get dressed prior to 4:00 in the afternoon
and to have an hour to herself away from baby once a week or so. Counseling and med-
ication can help improve the depressive symptoms, too. If medication is needed, then the
issue of whether or not to continue breastfeeding must be made by the patient and her
doctor – another issue that can be concerning to the new mom.
In a few rare cases (probably 1-2 percent of new moms), postpartum psychosis
can occur. This is characterized by delusional thinking (false beliefs) and, perhaps, halluci-
nations (seeing and hearing things that really aren’t there). There have been a couple cases
nationwide in recent years where harm came to the infant because of reported postpar-
tum psychosis. Again, this is very rare. It usually presents in the first two weeks after the
baby is born and usually with an acute onset of overt symptoms that is dramatic.
Delusional beliefs can occur and often center on the baby, interfering with the mom’s abil-
ity to care for the newborn. Of course, immediate mental health treatment is necessary
for this individual.
So, how can we help the newly-pregnant young woman who is having her first
child? I would suggest that we not set unrealistic expectations about how wonderful it all
is going to be. Certainly, parenting a child is a phenomenal experience; however, it is not
without demands. The baby’s needs do not wait. Everybody else’s do. It is a life-changing
experience – mostly for the good. However, you will be sleep-deprived, tired and the baby
will be ever-present as you adjust to each other. Over time (usually a pretty short time),
you will become extremely attached, bonded and connected. It is a connection that will
last a lifetime and nothing is quite like it – nothing. Just give yourself some time. It’s well
worth it!
69 4/22/09 1:21 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 69

Youth Missions Rummage Sale

First Presbyterian Church
700 Park Avenue • Florence, SC

Saturday, May 30th

Rummage Sale: 8 am - 7 pm

Barbecue from Schoolhouse

Lunch 11-1 • Dinner 4-6
$
7.50 per plate

Open
Niki Chavis
Registration for the 2009-2010
Dance season begins May 1st!

•Dance Camp (3 and up)

Summer
•Cheer and Tumble Mini Camp
(individual or squad registration)
Camps!
Register now! Available June, July, & August!
•Hip Hop and Jazz Camp
Space is limited, call for more
•Advanced Ballet Workshop information today!
Brandi
McGowan 1001 South Cashua Dr. • Florence 843.665.0606
www.florenceschoolofdancearts.com
70 4/27/09 1:46 PM Page 1
Giving Our
Children BEST
BY ROSE VARLARO
Childhoo d is supposed to be a time of inno-
cence, discovery and exploration. All too often,
however, that experience is taken from chil-
dren.
As a counselor at the Durant Children’s Center in Florence, I work with chil-
dren that have experienced trauma. Every day, we see children who have experienced
more hurt in their short lives than any person should ever experience. We provide
them with a safe and friendly environment where they can begin their journey to recov-
ery through forensic interviews and counseling.
In the United States, it is estimated that more than five million children expe-
rience some form of trauma every year. Approximately two million children who are
exposed to trauma are victims of sexual or physical abuse and even more live in fear
surrounding domestic violence. Traumatic events include physical abuse, sexual abuse,
rape or witnessing violence at school or home. It is not limited to just these events,
however. In today’s world, we cannot exclude natural disasters such as hurricanes,
earthquakes and floods or the unimaginable when loved ones die without warning.
These examples are just a few of many incidents that can make a traumatic impact on a
child.
As children grow into adults, their knowledge and development is based on their child-
hood. For children who have experienced trauma, their physical, emotional, cognitive
and social development can be impaired. The Durant Children’s Center is working with
Benjamin E. Saunders, PhD, of the Medical University of South Carolina, and M. Elizabeth
Ralston, PhD, of Dee Norton Lowcountry Children’s Center, in an effort to Bring
Evidence-Supported Treatment (BEST) to children and families from the Pee Dee Region
who have been victims of trauma.
Durant Children’s Center, a program of the Pee Dee Coalition, is excited to
partner with Project BEST. Project BEST is a ten-year statewide collaboration to bring
evidence-supported treatment to traumatized children through a community
the
effort. The long-term goal of Project BEST is to ensure that children and families iden-
tified as experiencing abuse or other types of trauma receive the appropriate treatment.
Project BEST has successfully been completed by the Child Advocacy Centers
located in Beaufort, Camden, Greenwood and Spartanburg and their surrounding coun-
ties. It is now entering Phase II, offering training to participants from Florence,
Darlington, Marlboro, Chesterfield, Marion, Dillon, Williamsburg and Clarendon
Counties. In this community-wide effort, clinicians become trained in Trauma-Focused
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). Individuals who identify and refer abused chil-
dren and their families for treatment are taught about the importance of evidence-sup-
ported treatment and how to incorporate it into their treatment planning and monitor-
ing.
Trauma-Focused Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has been researched and is
shown to be the most well-supported and effective treatment for children who have
been traumatized. Studies have shown that it helps abused children, children suffering
with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other problems directly related to trauma to
recover from these symptoms. Evidence-supported treatment is important because it
has been proven to be effective through many different research experiments.
This is a remarkable opportunity that is available in the Pee Dee that will benefit our
children. When children experience trauma, their world is turned upside down. At the
Durant Children’s Center, we work toward helping families restore what has been lost
and help make their world more manageable.
If you would like information about counseling or some of the other services
available at the Durant Children’s Center, please call us at 843-664-4357 (HELP).
As an additional resource to families, the Durant Center provides ChildHelp Pee Dee,
a 24-hour toll-free helpline, at 1-866-867-9857. Individuals may call anonymously
to discuss parenting problems, access information and referrals, report abuse or inquire
about something they might have witnessed or observed. Children may also call the
helpline for help with questions they may have about possible maltreatment.
Rose Varlaro is the Children’s Counselor and Project BEST
Site Coordinator at the Durant Children’s Center in Florence. She has a Master’s
Degree in Clinical/Counseling from Francis Marion University and specializes in
children and adolescents who have been affected by trauma.
71 4/24/09 10:11 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 71

Florence
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72 4/24/09 10:02 AM Page 1
Once a Momma
ALWAYS a MOMMA by Ferebe Gasque
“When I grow up, I don’t want to be a Mommy,” stated the child very
matter-of-factly. Her mother, taken aback by the comment of her
typically loving and supportive five-year-old daughter, asked, “Why?”
Very seriously, the child replied, “Because you NEVER get through!”
I know this is true. After I became an adult, my mother told me this story more
than once. In the intervening fifty years since that original conversation, my perspective
has changed but my observation made that day has proven to be profound. Perhaps it
was self-fulfilling prophecy. I never got married nor gave birth. My respect for mothers
and their plight, however, continues to grow even now.
My mother was a wonderful mother. She was an incredible role-model for me
as well as for anyone else who knew her and observed her life. I never heard her com-
plain though she certainly had many opportunities to do so.
My momma grew up as the middle child of seven children. She was fifteen in
1929 when the Great Depression hit. The harshest word I ever heard her speak about
that was, “It was hard times.” She and my dad married in 1940. She gave birth to four
children. Her eldest child, a boy, developed Wilms’ tumor (a rare form of kidney cancer
found usually in children) at the age of three. A year and a half later, she buried her first-
born son. My childhood was spent living upstairs in a two-story house behind the motel
where my dad was assistant manager. There were two bedrooms, one very small bath-
room, and a tiny kitchen in our living quarters. My parents, my brother, my sister, and
I shared that cramped space which my mother made home for all of us.
When I was four, my grandfather (my dad’s father) passed
away. Shortly thereafter, my paternal grandmother
fell and broke her hip. For almost seven years,
my mother went to stay with her each day as
her primary caregiver. Again, she never
complained. In 1974,
Momma and Daddy were in an automobile accident. When they returned from the
Medical University several months later, she became mother to my dad as he slowly
recovered. Just as he was beginning to feel “normal” again, Daddy developed ALS (Lou
Gehrig Disease) and Momma’s responsibilities became more intense yet again until he
died in 1980.
Momma was so much fun to watch after Daddy died. She had never had the
opportunity to do so many things. She was always the responsible caregiver. I took her
to Florida to spend time with some of our relatives and just to see the sights. In 1982,
she experienced her first (and last) airplane ride when she flew to California to spend
three weeks with me in the dormitory at Golden Gate Seminary. She was like a little
girl, experiencing new and exciting things. After my graduation, I was granted the once-
in-a-lifetime privilege of driving across this wonderful country of ours, showing my sweet
momma the wonders of God’s creation (even those “purple mountain majesties”).
Not too long after that, my aunt (Daddy’s sister) developed Alzheimer’s
Disease. Momma had promised her years before that she would take care of her. Even
though my aunt was in a nursing home, it became my mother’s plight to be mother to
someone else. She never complained. Never. My aunt passed away in 1990, ten years
after Daddy.
Momma continued to take care of others who needed her. She was always
available for her children but also for any for whom she could provide a service. She
was a true Christian servant, if ever there was one.
As she became older and less able to do those things for herself that she had
so long done for others, the roles began to change. Though she will always be my
Momma, I began to have the opportunity and privilege of serving her. She was never a
complainer. Unfortunately, that often made it more difficult to meet her needs. She
never wanted to impose on anyone. I will always be grateful for the opportunities God
gave me to minister to her in those last special years of her life. It gave me a chance to
begin to repay her for all of her love and care for so many for so long.
So, I know a little about mothering. I’ve been mothered. I’ve watched my moth-
er and others perform that role. And, yes, I may never have given birth, but I’ve been a
mother, too.
Shortly after I moved into my house, I was standing in a neighbor’s yard one
beautiful July day in 1993 when two adorable kittens darted across the street and start-
ed playing between my feet. My life was changed that day. Clifford and Claude came
into my life. Since then, they’ve been joined by Oliver (AKA Piglet), Molly, Samson,
Delilah, Luciano, Callie, and Grace. Clifford, Claude, Luciano, and Callie now rest under
roses in my side yard. (Actually, Callie has a rosemary plant. She died in January when
the weather is not kind to newly planted roses.) The other five continue to keep
me humble.
I have a dear friend who is now a missionary in Africa who
told me years ago: “When I get to Heaven, the first thing I’m going to ask God
is why I couldn’t get married and have children.” Yet, I’ve seen Elsie McCall
touch the lives of more children (and adults, as well) than would ever have
been possible, had she been able to birth her own children. My Aunt Ferebe
and Uncle Ellison never had children of their own. They lavished love on all
of their nieces and nephews, though. All of us are grateful.
I don’t know why God chooses to allow some to have chil-
dren and others not. It is so prevalent on the news to see those who abuse
children. Yet others who would apparently be wonderful parents are left
childless. I do not know why. But, I do know that He is still in charge and that
ultimately we will understand. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that when
I get to Heaven those questions won’t really matter anymore.
For now, I am grateful for the feline children (and countless
other blessings) God has given me.
Ferebe Gasque is the Music Therapist at McLeod Hospice House, a Service Coordinator with
Florence County DSN Board and an Independent Consultant with the Pampered Chef. ®
In her spare time, she follows orders from her feline children with whom she lives in Florence.
73 4/23/09 10:41 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 73

J.Rufus Bratton, Jr.,

M.D. FACS

Embrace Summer
with
CONFIDENCE.
If you are one of the many
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call our office today to
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Florence, SC
843.667.3533
74 4/23/09 3:31 PM Page 1

74 • May 2009 • She Magazine

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75 4/23/09 10:53 AM Page 1

MAY 2009

the truth...

ABOUT MOTHERHOOD
From “I’m pregnant” to “I might be losing my mind” and the joys in between,
get ready for a very real look at MOTHERHOOD.
Feature stories begin on page 76.
76 4/22/09 4:35 PM Page 1
i am a 32-year-old full-time mother of five and I love motherhood.
I devote my life to my children. When I was younger, I thought I would have one child,
but never in a million years did I think I would have five!
I was very happy about my first pregnancy; it was a walk in the park compared
to my last two. All three of my pregnancies were different. I bet you’re asking, “If she
has five children, why does she write about three pregnancies?”
Well, my story goes like this. I was 28 and happily married with two children
when I learned I was pregnant again. I thought, “How can this be?” My husband and I
were not even trying. After walking around in disbelief for a few weeks, the excitement
of having a third child set in and we could not wait to find out the sex of the baby. At
seventeen weeks, I went for my ultrasound and we got the shock of a lifetime. I was
not having one baby. I was not having two babies. I was having three babies! Yes, I was
having spontaneous triplets. When I found out I was having triplets, I was over-
whelmed. I totally lost it. I even hyperventilated. My husband just smiled; he was in
such shock he couldn’t say anything.
My pregnancy with the triplets was extremely hard. I was sick a lot, even hos-
pitalized several times for dehydration. I was high-risk and on strict bed rest. The hard-
est thing about the pregnancy was trying to gain all the weight I needed for triplets.
Then, the other hard part was getting comfortable at night. I slept in the recliner many
nights.
I went into premature labor and the babies were born at twenty-five weeks.
They all weighed a little over one pound and we were told they wouldn’t make it. I
could not believe what I was hearing. I prayed to the Lord to please let them survive.
I made a promise that if He pulled my babies through this, I would be the best moth-
er I could be and do everything in my power to make sure that not a single day went
by without knowing how blessed I was for having five children.
Renee Perdue, her husband, Brandon, and their five children live in Bennettsville.
The triplets stayed in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for three long months
– two months at the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston and one at
McLeod. When they finally came home, I was so happy, but it was hard. We had lots
of help and worked in shifts, but I still only managed to get twenty minutes of sleep
here and there. I breastfed all three for six months and it took a lot out of me, but it
was best for them. It’s really about routine. Routine is the most important thing with
multiples.
By the grace of God, my babies survived. They are all healthy and just turned
two. Maddox, Maddison and Mallory are true blessings, along with my other two chil-
dren, Briclee and Chloe.
Briclee is my oldest. At seven-years-old, she is full of energy. She loves play-
ing softball and is a big help with her younger siblings. Chloe is almost four and is very
prissy. She loves to dress up in anything pink. Maddox is my only boy. He is very talk-
ative and loves the outdoors. Maddison is full of drama and has to be the center of
attention. Out of all my children, she is the clown. Mallory is shy, laid back and inde-
pendent.
The biggest challenge for me is at night when I’m so popular; everyone wants
Mama and I have to get everyone to bed – and this is an every-night thing. The hard-
est thing about being a mom to five children is making sure everyone knows that they
are just as important as their siblings. I have to divide my time equally and with the
same quality with each child. I now understand why my mother worried so much.
When you become a mother, that’s all you do.
Motherhood means the world to me. I have done a lot in my life, but noth-
ing compares to being a mom. It’s the most rewarding gift ever.
• • • • •
Collin M. Smith Photography
77 4/22/09 1:34 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 77

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78 4/22/09 4:36 PM Page 1

w hen I learned I was expecting for the first time, I was surprised,
scared, excited, confused and, finally, calm. I was surprised because I found out I was
pregnant when I went to the doctor simply for my yearly exam. I was scared because
Enfamil product that works for her is not being manufactured any longer due to lack
of demand. Needless to say, I’ve stockpiled and we should be good until she reaches
twelve months.
I liked red wine and I didn’t want any previous wine consumption to have hurt my lit- Being a mother has affected my perspective about my own mother in that I
tle miracle. I was excited because I saw God working in my life. I was confused about understand my mom more now than I ever did. Before, I never understood why she
what my life was going to become. Then, there was peace because I realized God was would brag about the smallest things I did or accomplished. I remember rolling my eyes
in control and my pregnancy and my baby were going to be just fine. at her and often being embarrassed because she was drawing attention to me. Now
My childbirth experience was easier than I imagined it would be. I cried while that I have Meredith, I see my mom in me because I want to share everything about my
watching the video of delivery in our Lamaze class! My husband hugged me and told little girl. I think everything she does is amazing – from the way she looks at her daddy
me not to worry about it; I would be fine. He was right. It happened so quickly, there when he enters the room to the way she crawls after our puppies trying to play with
wasn’t even time for an epidural. My doctor walked in and saw me smiling as I was them. I’m so blessed and proud of the little person she is.
pushing and said, “I see the epidural finally kicked in.” The nurses and I said, “Nope,
no epidural.” After twenty minutes of pushing and a broken tailbone, my baby was
here. She was no longer just a flutter in my tummy; she was a ten-fingered, ten-toed
little angel and she was all mine. I give all the glory to God for walking me through the
scariest experience of my life. I’ve just always turned a little green and gagged a bit
when other women talked about giving birth. So, for a gal who had issues with even
the thought of having a baby, I’d say my experience was a breeze
Meredith Grace is seven-months-old now and she is the light of my life.
Motherhood has taught me that it’s not all about me anymore. It’s all about my baby
and my family – and I like it that way! Since having Meredith, I’ve noticed how much
more grateful and thankful I am for all that God has allowed me to have. Children are
a blessing and I pray He allows me to have many more. If Meredith is the only child
I’m supposed to have, I’ll be grateful, though, because having her has shed so much
light on how great God’s love is. I never knew I could love anything as much as I love
my child. For me, it brings new meaning to John 3:16.
The biggest challenge I’ve faced as a mother is the loss of personal time. It’s
amazing how important me-time is. Before I became a mom, I could go and go and
then go some more without thinking about it. I guess it’s because all the going and
doing was centered on me and what I wanted. Now that I have a child, I pour all of
myself into making sure she’s safe, healthy, loved, nurtured, warm and happy.
Nonetheless, I look forward to little things like grocery shopping or running to the
post office for stamps just to get out of the house and for a change in my routine. I Collin M. Smith Photography
will admit, however, that when I’m alone in my car, I feel weird not having Meredith to
talk to while I drive.
My greatest joy is falling in love with my husband all over again, every day.
Seeing Robert interact with Meredith, sitting with her on her play mat; shaking rattles;
playing with finger puppets; singing,“Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!” with her and watching him
hold his little girl is enough to melt any woman’s heart.
The thing I wish someone had told me about motherhood is that breastfeed-
ing is painful! I also wish someone would’ve told me how hard it was going to be not
to think about my child all day long. Sometimes, I walk around the office singing,“What
Are You Doing? What Are You doing?” (It’s a little song and dance I made up for
Meredith. She loves it and just laughs and laughs when she hears it.) All the girls in
the office are even singing it now. I imagine what she’s doing all the time, praying that
she’s having fun and that she’s happy – even though she’s not with me. Now, I also understand why my mother always had us in church. Whenever
My experience with motherhood hasn’t been too difficult. Keep in mind, the doors were open or there was a church function, we were there. Now that I have
though, I’m only seven months into my first experience. I can count on one finger the Meredith, it seems so clear to me. My mother wanted me surrounded with Christian
only problem I’ve encountered – milk! Who knew that Meredith’s uncontrollable cry- love and a church family. I’m constantly reminded of the love my mom had for the
ing after eating was because she was lactose intolerant? I didn’t! Because it happened Lord and the love she had for my sister and me when I look into Meredith’s eyes.
about the same time each day, she was labeled “colicky.” I did Internet searches on Looking ahead to the day that Meredith is no longer dependent upon me and
gassy babies and colicky babies. I even purchased “gripe water,” changed formula five is ready to spread her wings, I hope that I have instilled in her to trust in the Lord with
times and then went to soy milk. Then, two months ago, I found out that the lacto-free all her heart and to not lean on her own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).
•••••
Pamela Hucks Blackman is a proud mother, wife, daughter and big sister. She and her husband, Robert, and their daughter, Meredith, live in Florence.
She is the Office Manager for The Hanna Agency, Inc. She has been employed with Allstate for nine years.
79 4/27/09 9:37 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 79

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80 4/22/09 4:37 PM Page 1

i dreamed of being a mother one day after graduating from college.

I wanted two children – a boy first and then a girl. When expecting for the first time,
however, I was happy and didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl as long as it was a healthy
baby.
Today, my oldest daughter is 45-years-old. People tell me she has my person-
ality – sweet and always doing something to help others. She is a teacher in Virginia.
My youngest daughter is 44-years-old. As a child, she loved to draw. Today, her side job
is hand-painting at games, etc., in Charlotte and other places. In school, she didn’t have
to study hard because she remembered things easily. She is in Personnel at Wachovia
Bank in Charlotte. My twin sons did a lot of drawing in school, as well. They were iden-
tical twins and all the girls just loved them. They were so kind and gentle with all the
girls they met. When the oldest twin (by five minutes) graduated from high school, he
went into the Army. He is now an Electrical Engineer in Georgia.The youngest twin is
employed at Kraft Foods Manufacturing Company in Georgia. He also has his own busi-
ness as a yard landscaper.
After my husband and I separated, my biggest challenge as a mother was mov-
ing from Georgia back home to Florence with four children, ranging in ages from eleven
to three and a half. My dad asked me to move in with him, my mother and my sister.
So, in addition to raising my children, I had to take care of my ill mother and my men-
tally-challenged sister. In order for me to go back to work as a teacher, I also went to
Francis Marion to get certified to teach in South Carolina.
Although none of us are perfect, I tried to live the right life before my children.
I wanted them to see the good things in me as I put the Lord first in my life. I knew
that one day, they would be grown and if I did not instill in them the right way to live,
they would not be doing the right thing once they grew up. My children learned from
watching me. They do some things now because they saw me do them to help some-
one else.
My greatest joy is that all four of my children turned out well. From kinder-
garten through high school, I never had to go to their school for any kind of discipline
problem. I always reminded them that if Mom had to go to their school one time, they Collin M. Smith Photography
would not want Mom there again. I respected my children and I demanded that they
respect me in return – and they did.
I made a lot of sacrifices for my children. They truly love me for all I did for my children the fact that children do not ask to be born; so, when you marry and have
them, for all I did for my parents and for what I’m still doing for my sister. They often children, it is your responsibility to care for them and always put them in the upper part
say,“Mom, you spent your whole life taking care of us. Now, we are going to take care of your life as a mother.
of you.” My children and being a mother have taught me to be thankful for all the sac- The Lord is truly good. He blessed me to raise my four wonderful children. Daily, I
rifices I made for them as they grew up because, now, I am reaping a good harvest by keep them in my prayers, even though they are grown and living in Virginia, North
living in a townhome that my four children provide for me after spending more than Carolina and Georgia. I have seven grandchildren and will soon have eight. I really enjoy
thirty years in the home of my parents. Also, my two daughters took me on a cruise being a grandmother. I treat my grandchildren as if they are my own children when
where we toured Greece and Turkey. they visit me. They know that I don’t “take stuff” from them that is not the “right kind
Motherhood may not always be a lovely bed of roses; however, if you choose of stuff.” Motherhood is a choice you make after marriage. Grandmotherhood is what
to be a mother, you should be firmly committed to, first, trying to marry a Godly hus- happens after your child has made the choice to get married and have a child. It may
band. If your husband changes after you are married for awhile and you decide you can- be accepted and it may not, but motherhood has no ifs-ands-or-buts-about-it if you are
not continue to live the kind of life he is taking you through, keep in mind that children truly committed to being a good mother.
will not be children forever. They will grow up and if you, as the mother, have not I wanted to share this personal information with single mothers to encourage them to
instilled in them the right way to live, you have created another problem for yourself. hang in there as they struggle to rear children without a father in the house to help. I
Therefore, my advice for young women today is if you truly want children, be commit- pray that my story will give someone hope to keep-on-keeping-on in their struggle to
ted to them from birth until they reach the age we say they are grown. I passed onto raise their children. You never know how they might bless you one day.
• • • • •
Rosa Lee Hines Riley (75) is retired after teaching for 36 years. Her four children are DeStephanie Riley Johnson,Yolanda Riley,Tyrus E. Riley, Sr. and Terence D. Riley.
Rosa Lee enjoys reading, writing poems and litanies, jumping rope and riding her bike.
81 4/27/09 4:33 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 81

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82-83 4/23/09 1:20 PM Page 1
t he afternoon sun was shining on her hair through the backdoor
window, making her curls look all shiny and coppery. She stood there with her purse
over her shoulder, holding her keys in one hand and the doorknob in the other. As she
leaned forward and kissed me on my cheek, she said, “Bye. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I told her. “Be careful and call me when you get there.”
We had stood in this same spot and said these same words so many times
before. Only this time, she wasn’t meeting Lauren at Starbucks or going to hang out
with Chloe; she wasn’t running the Mama-forgot-a-bunch-of-stuff-at-the-grocery-store
errand or picking up supper for the three of us. This time, she was headed back after
her first weekend home from college.
I followed her out the door and stood on the top step as she walked to her
car, threw her purse in the passenger seat and got in. The glare on the windshield kept
me from seeing clearly, but I knew all the little things she’d do to get ready for a road
trip. First, she’d start the engine to get the air conditioner going and then she would
decide if she was going to listen to XM Radio, her iPod or the CD player. When the
decision was made, she’d push the appropriate buttons or turn the right knobs and
queue up her music. She’d put on her sunglasses, buckle her seat belt and adjust her
mirrors. If her daddy had been the last one to drive her car, she’d let out a little snort
and say something caustic about him “messin’ with” her “seat and mirrors!” Then she’d
shift into reverse. After a minute or two, she was all set. With a little wave and a half
smile, she was backing out of the driveway and heading down the road – the road that
was taking her away from me.
As I stood watching her car get smaller and smaller, I opened the picture book
in my heart and watched my little girl grow up. There she was on the day we brought
her home from the hospital, surely the most beautiful baby in the world, lying there on
the new quilt her grandmother had made for her. I saw the toddler with the soft, gold-
en curls and a red pacifier in her mouth that proclaimed, “I love Mommy.” There, smil-
ing back at me was the gangly ten-year-old – the one with crooked teeth, two long
braids that couldn’t quite contain her wildly curly hair and glasses that were much too
big for her face. (What were we thinking?!) I saw her grow from an awkward teenag-
er with braces to a lovely young woman with a beautiful smile.
It had all happened too fast and I needed more time – more time to be a bet-
ter mother. I wanted to go back and say,“Yes” every time I had said,“No” because I was
tired or busy. I wanted to take that quilting class with her even though “quilting” was-
n’t “really my thing.” I wanted to read Splishy Splashy Day one more time and I want-
ed to watch her as she watched The Little Mermaid over and over, again and again –
and again. I wanted to play games and bake cookies and draw on the sidewalk and play
dress up. I wanted a do-over as much as I had ever wanted anything in my life. Hoping
very much that she had heard more of the yes’s and less of the no’s, I turned and walked
back into the house.
I stood there, in our spot, and looked around the kitchen. There was Herman,
Anna’s big white cat, still sleeping in the ugly green computer chair (a yard sale find that
was going to find its way to the dump very soon.) Our magnet collection was still scat-
tered across the refrigerator and Anna’s funny notes were still written on the chalk-
board over the pantry. The only sounds were the rickety-click of the ceiling fan and the
hum of the appliances. Everything seemed the same as it had ten minutes earlier – but
it wasn’t. It was different – very different. It was as if the room knew that, this time,
our lives really had changed forever. There was a hint of melancholy in the air, a longing
for the good old days when the three of us were here together almost every day. It
wasn’t the same as the raw, visceral grief that I felt last year when she went away. This
was a softer, mellower sadness.
Imagine passing down your great-grandmother’s ring to your daughter, a treas-
ured family heirloom that you’ve worn on the third finger of your right hand every sin-
gle day for over thirty years You know it’s time to let it go and you’re thrilled to carry
on the tradition. It makes you happy to see how pretty it looks on her hand and to
know that she loves it as much as you do. You’d never dream of taking it back, but you
really, really miss the feel of it on your finger; your hand feels empty without it. Well,
I’ve given my treasure to the world. I know it’s time to let her go and I’m excited to
carry on the tradition set by countless mothers before me. It’s a life I want her to have
and I’d never hold her back, but I really, really miss the familiar feel of her being here
with me.
If you ask her what it is I miss so much, she’ll probably say that I miss my errand
girl and computer geek. She’ll most likely tell you that I hate not knowing where she is
and what she’s doing every minute of every day so that I can make sure she’s safe and
happy. She’ll probably know that I miss talking to her about everything – reading, writ-
ing, movies, pets, family, friends, God, love, marriage, fashion, food and, sometimes, even
sex. Everything. She might know that I miss watching Psych with her, that I won’t
watch it without her because it’s just not the same unless she’s here laughing as hard as
I am.
Yes, she could tell you all that and she would be right. But I don’t think she
knows how much I miss the little things – things like looking out the kitchen window
and seeing her car parked in its spot or seeing her toothbrush in the glass on the bath-
room counter. She might not know that I miss being a happy third wheel when she and
her daddy are discussing music or baseball or NCIS or hearing them howl with laugh-
ter at some stand-up comic that I just don’t get. I don’t think she knows how much I
love her in the mornings, a bit grumpy with wild hair and wilder pajamas. I miss hear-
ing her call “"Heeeerrmeeee,” her cat, and I miss the way he loves her. I miss those times
when we’re not talking, when we’re just quietly together in the house. I even miss the
obnoxious ringtone of her cell phone because, when it rings, I know she’s home.
I miss how, without notice, the ordinary becomes extraordinary. Like it does
when, in the middle of one of our everyday talks about everyday things, she turns to me
and says, “You’re my best friend.” How sometimes she seems to read my mind and say
out loud the very thing I’ve been thinking or how, in the middle of an ordinary supper
out, I look across a candlelit table and am absolutely gob-smacked by what a beautiful
young woman she’s become. (How can this be my child?!) But, perhaps the best
extraordinary ordinary moment of all comes at the end of the day when she lightly kiss-
es my cheek and says, “G’night, Mama. I love you.”
I know that it’s time for her to go and develop her grown-up muscles. I know
that it’s time for her to learn to handle life’s little speed bumps on her own and that I
need to become more of an encourager and less of a do-er. I know that it’s right for
parts of her life to be totally separate from mine, that our hips need to be un-joined and
that I really don’t need to know where she is and what she’s doing every minute of
every day so I can make sure she’s safe and happy. In my heart, I know that she will
always, always be my sweet baby girl; but, it’s time, now, for my treasured heirloom to
sparkle on the hand of the world.
Yep, I know all this. But I also know that I’m missing Anna. • • • • •
82-83 4/23/09 2:33 PM Page 2

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hobbies, which include writing, knitting and junk rehabilitation. Katrina Hutto • Timmonsville, SC • (843) 383 0593
www.tallyhoequestriancenter.com
84 4/22/09 4:45 PM Page 1

i am a single mother of two girls, Madisyn, four-years-old, and Payton, who my children off in the mornings to their caretakers with a smile and kisses, then walk
just recently turned one. Both my girls were born with a health condition. into my classroom and greet all my students with a warm smile and the energy that is
Madisyn was born with three holes in her heart and Payton is currently fighting seizures. needed to give them the best possible education that I can give them. You could say that
Madisyn, almost five-years-old and my girly-girl, is all princess! She’s very curi- being a teacher is like being a mom; you want all the children in your life to be success-
ous and extremely confident in herself. She loves to dance, sing and dress up. She is ful and happy, so you do what it takes to accomplish that goal.
completely opposite from me. Payton is my Saint Patrick’s Day baby so I like to refer to Having one parent in the home is difficult. There are moments when all you
her as my lucky charm. She just recently turned a whopping one-year-old! She seems want to do is come home from work, relax a little and then tend to your nightly duties.
to be very stubborn, which I pray is just a stage. Like all babies, she’s very curious. When there is an extra set of hands there to help, you might just be able to sneak that
When Payton was born, she was a healthy baby girl. I thought,“This is going to quiet moment in every now and then. However, when you’re a single parent, that down-
be easy.” I already had the mommy-thing down pat. I knew the routine of when to begin time is out of the question. The only wind-down time is when the children are asleep.
to prepare them to sleep through the night; I knew which diaper brand that I liked the By then, you’re so exhausted, you crash.
most, etc. With Payton, however, I wanted to go with the more environmentally-friend- It’s also hard when you’re trying to complete some of your work at home or
ly kind. I attempted the cloth diapers and even purchased what I referred to as the work on furthering your career. Those activities are accomplished when the kids are
“Cadillac of cloth diapers.” Payton had another plan. Her skin couldn’t tolerate the down and your brain is on its last limb, but you do it without thinking about it because
cloth diapers no matter how often I changed her or what ointment I used. Her com- it has become part of your daily life. Having two parents instead of one would be a lot
fort was the most important thing, so we reverted back to the regular Pampers. I knew easier when cooking dinner, doing the laundry, making lunches, cleaning the house or you
how to purée baby food for her. That’s what I did for Madisyn and she loved it. To my get sick, but I’m a one-woman show and I’m proud of how far my children and I have
surprise, Payton wasn’t going to have it. Not only did the whole eco-friendly diaper thing made it. This is the path which I chose and I will never regret it. My girls are worth
go up in flames, so did the puréed food. She preferred the jarred baby food. Then, when every moment of difficulty that I encounter. In fact, I think they are why I’ve made it this
she was about six-months-old, her doctor discovered that she was having seizures. This far in my career. They have become my moving force!
has been and continues to be the hardest challenge for me. We haven’t been able to I guess my biggest challenge has been to deal with Payton’s medical condition
control the seizures with her medication and I have to take her to Duke in North while finding every possible moment to try to create special moments for Madisyn so
Carolina in hopes that they will find the right medication. Watching her play peacefully that she doesn’t feel left out. Finding ways to balance all of this while teaching full-time,
and then suddenly fall into a seizure is hard to understand; it’s even harder to watch. working a second job at times and furthering my career either by completing my
Knowing that there is nothing I can do to make this go away for her is difficult. All I can Master’s Degree or trying to complete my National Boards has been difficult but worth
do is hold her and help her get through each one. She cries when it’s all over and looks every moment. When all is said and done, my girls are a blessing and the greatest joys
at me with her tearful eyes as if to say, “Mommy, make it stop!” – and I can’t. in my life. They have been my driving force to conquer each day and a reminder for me
Both my girls’ medical conditions have been hard to deal with. Having to fly to teach each one of my students the way that I would want my girls taught.
Madisyn to New York for second opinions about her heart conditions was nerve-wrack- When asked if I could do it again, would I change anything, my response is and
ing, but we pulled through it and she is now a healthy little girl. I feel that Madisyn’s con- will always be “No!” My life has never been better and I have never been happier. Each
dition helped me to deal with Payton’s, which has proven to be more of an emotional day that my girls and I are blessed to spend together is just another wonderful memo-
challenge for all of us. Madisyn has been a trooper through it all, though. It was bad ry that I get to smile back on and be thankful for.
enough when another little person came into her life and took away some of her atten-
tion, but knowing this new baby was being fussed over day-in and day-out because of
• • • • •
seizures made it even worse.
Matti has become my second eyes. She has taken it upon herself to look after
Payton when my back is turned. I never asked her to take on this role because I want Erin Ruth and her two daughters, Madisyn and Payton,
her to be a little girl and have fun without having to worry about watching her sister. live in Society Hill. She teaches fourth grade at Cheraw
Intermediate in Cheraw, SC, in Chesterfield County.
Nonetheless, she is so protective over Payton, she can’t help it. She’ll run to me and let
me know if Payton falls into a seizure, then run back and start clapping at her saying,
“Snap out of it! It’s okay!” She has been with me when Payton has had EEGs, MRIs,
blood work and the endless visits to the doctors’ offices and emergency rooms and she
still loves her little sister without any jealousy.
Since my first daughter was born, I’ve received my Master’s Degree and now
I’m currently working on receiving my National Board Certification. The battle of com-
ing home from work and doing my nightly chores and spending time with my girls,
reading books, singing songs or snuggling, has been one that I’ve done alone since the
day my first daughter was born. After all the daily duties and the girls are in bed, I
spend many nights working on the computer. It’s a very tiring process; but in the
long run, it will pay off for my girls, my students and me. I have the responsi-
bility of not only caring for my own children, but for those who are
left in my hands to mold into good upstanding citizens.
Even when I’m tired beyond description, I have to send

Photo by
Collin M. Smith Photography
85 4/22/09 1:55 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 85

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w hen I was younger, I enjoyed working with children in daycare after

school and working with kids in summer camp and the recreation depart-
ment. These experiences only reinforced my desire to have children of my own one day.
start homeschooling. An education in Christianity was one of the biggest reasons. In
addition, homeschooling allows me, as the teacher, to work one-on-one with my chil-
dren instead of them sharing the teacher with twenty-nine other students. This
When I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, I was terrified. I was becomes even more important when you consider subjects that your child is struggling
eighteen and the man I was engaged to (and the father of my child) left me when he in. All children are different and will achieve different levels in different subjects over
heard the news. Being a single mom was the absolute hardest thing I have done in my time. Homeschooling allows me the freedom to keep my children on their own level
life. However, my experiences as a single mom definitely played a large role in my for each subject, regardless of the grade level they should be in. Finally, and most impor-
strength as a woman today. tantly, I was called by God.
Today, Rachel is sixteen and a social butterfly. With the gift of compassion, she The hardest thing about homeschooling is teaching multiple children and mul-
hopes to share that gift as a nurse someday. Rachel has a servant’s heart and her sib- tiple curriculums at the same time. In addition, it was difficult in the beginning because
lings love her. She is so much fun to be around. Her excitement for life is contagious. we didn’t get as much support from family and friends as we would have liked. My
Just thinking about sitting in my first OB/GYN’s office with the doctor trying to talk me biggest reward has been watching my children learn regardless of my educational abili-
into an abortion is the biggest reason Rachel is so special to me. If he had succeeded, ty. Homeschool has brought my children and me closer because we constantly learn
she wouldn’t be here today. Thank the Lord for the strength to persevere through that and experience things together. I love watching them discover things for the first time
time in my life. I can’t imagine my life without Rachel. and get excited about this awesome planet. It’s a God thing.
Jonny is eight-years-old. He’s special to me because he’s my only boy. He is full I know I was called by God to homeschool my children. For me, it’s about
of energy, always curious, an animal and insect lover, very competitive, brave and not being obedient to God. I was more afraid not to do it than being afraid that I couldn’t
afraid to get his hands dirty. He’s very funny and has been known to tell people he wants do it. My fear outweighed my inadequacy. My advice to others who aren’t sure if they
to be a comedian when he grows up. can be successful with homeschooling is if you are focused on Christ, all things are pos-
Emma, our six-year-old, spends most of the day dressed as a princess, singing sible. I would never be able to homeschool without the strength I receive from God.
ballads to our dog, Frankie. Her best skill is art and she enjoys drawing and coloring. Also, make the most of your moments today. Loosen up, look for the positive in what-
She also loves zebras. Emma is special because she has the ability to show affection and ever you are going through and make the memories you’ll all be able to sit around and
love to others at such a young age. She wants to be the next American Idol. laugh about for years to come.
Three-year-old Maggie is a free spirit. After being schlepped around so much, Motherhood is tough. The constant job of nurturing, loving, serving and just
she has learned to go with the flow. She can make anyone smile with one of her giggles meeting basic needs on a daily basis can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Given the lack
or her special Maggie-isms (baby talk). We just reached diaper-freedom with Maggie. of appreciation shown by most children, it feels like a thankless job. I really have to make
During my early years as a mother, I wish someone had told me that people a conscious effort to remember I am nurturing children that God has entrusted to me.
give false impressions about motherhood. For the longest time, I thought there was It truly is not about me and it never will be. My family is not an accident; the six of us
something wrong with me. I was always trying to live up to the myth of being a perfect were ordained by God to be together. My children bless me and fill my life with so much
mother. It took me many years to realize that I’m not a failure because there is no per- unimaginable joy. I can’t waste any time worrying about gratitude. I believe that moth-
fect mother. I have a sign in my house that reads,“A few clowns short of a circus.” That
is so true to me because there are days I roar like lion
erhood is a gift and I am truly thankful for it.
• • • • •
and other days, I stomp on feelings like an elephant.
Sometimes, life is like a three-ring circus and gets messy,
but this is my beautiful mess.
The biggest challenge I’ve faced as a mother is
being (at one time) a single mom and then learning how
to juggle all my children’s needs while sacrificing my own
needs and wants. My greatest joy was seeing my two
oldest children accept Jesus and getting baptized.
Motherhood and my children have taught me
to be a better person and have changed my perspective
on life. My children have also taught me that I cannot
fulfill all their needs or wants. A relationship with Christ
is essential in order to fulfill their purposes. What a
relief that this burden doesn’t fall on me. Looking ahead
to the day when my children are no longer dependent
on me and are ready to spread their wings, I hope to
have instilled in them a spirit that seeks God first in
everything they do. I’m not raising geniuses; I’m more
concerned with matters of the heart and good charac-
ter traits.
I started homeschooling when Rachel was in
the fifth grade. There were many reasons we chose to

Caren (Greenspan) Coon, her husband, Doug, and their four

children, Rachel (16), Jonny (8), Emma (6) and Maggie (3) live in
Florence. She worked as a pregnancy counselor for years.
Currently, Caren represents abused and neglected children in
court by volunteering for the Florence County Guardian Ad Litem
Program. She and her family are active at New Spring Church.
87 4/22/09 1:50 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 87

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88-89 4/27/09 5:10 PM Page 1

“through the eyes of a grandmother”

a s a little girl, I dreamed of having children. I remember wanting two girls
– and two girls are what I got. I recall a friend who jokingly commented after the birth of
was taking on. But, I knew she could handle them.
My older daughter, Lee, was not blessed with a child until the age of 33. At this
my second daughter that it was as though my children were mail-ordered, both beautiful time, her younger sister had two children. By this time, Hope had already broken me
baby girls with blonde hair. in with the pleasures of being a grandmother. Nonetheless, I was ecstatic for Lee, hav-
Raising my children and partially growing up with them, I am now reaping the ing previous attempts and procedures fail. This was her time!
rewards. My greatest joy is seeing both my girls grow into responsible adults, each inde- She and her husband, Harlan, were married fifteen years before the blessing
pendent with a good career and even after the obstacles each one has endured. It makes of a child. Knowing in advance the baby’s gender, they had already chosen a name for
me happy to know they have fulfilling, happy adulthoods. In my eyes, however, and regard- their expected bundle of joy, Kingston Bane. Kingston came from a family name of King
less of their age, they will always be my children. I will always be concerned with their well- and Bane is a Hawaiian name, meaning “long-awaited child.”
being and I will always fulfill the role as their mother – and now, their friend. Just as we As a nurse, Lee recognized something was not right; she was afraid she was in
have had many good and fun memories, we have experienced problems. Nonetheless, we premature labor during her twenty-fourth week of pregnancy. After she waited so long
pulled together when there were challenging and difficult times. for the blessing of a child, she was now faced with a fifty-percent birth survival rate if
My story begins to unfold when I married Eugene Smith in December of 2001. she was in premature labor. Soon, her dreaded fear became a reality. Being admitted
He already had two grandchildren. At the time of our wedding, both his daughter and my to the hospital because of early labor symptoms, a couple days of medication with pos-
younger daughter broke the news that they were expecting. Within six months, we had sible negative side effect reactions such as pulmonary concerns and fourteen hours
four grandchildren between us. Our family grew with the recent additions of Kingston and being positioned with her feet over her head in an effort to stop the early labor were
Haley, two preemies born August 31, 2008 and January 17, 2009. We now have seven grand- only temporary solutions. From then on, the medical plan for Lee was to complete
children. I was a grandmother before I could blink my eyes and before I had time to think hospital bed rest in an effort to stop delivery until at least a gestational age of thirty
about it. I just rolled up my sleeves to begin my new role. weeks was complete, increasing the baby’s survival rate to ninety percent.
My younger daughter, Hope, was my first child to become pregnant. “No, you can’t Nevertheless, on Sunday morning,August 31, 2008, after the fourth day in the
do this to me,” I teased her. I couldn’t yet be compared to the age of a grandmother. hospital, Lee went into labor the second time. For fear of possible infection affecting
Actually, I was happy for her but also concerned with the permanent responsibilities she the baby, her doctor would not make a second attempt to stop the labor process. It
was a busy Labor Day weekend, with four deliver-
Collin M. Smith Photography ies and one doctor on call. The baby was deliv-
ered in bed in the doorway on the way to deliv-
ery. If we had not insisted Lee be checked, she
may have had this child in her room with her fam-
ily delivering him. Weighing only one pound and
eleven ounces, Kingston remained in the NICU at
McLeod Regional Medical Center in Florence for
three months.
It was seventeen days before my daughter
could actually hold her baby boy. Prior to that, we
could only touch him very tenderly or hold his
hand. What an amazing experience it was to
receive his response and for him to be aware of
someone there considering the fact he was so
premature.
Lee returned to work in three weeks so
that she would have more time to spend with
Kingston when he was able to leave the hospital.
He came home just in time for Thanksgiving, wear-
ing a monitor for his breathing and heart rate.
Today, he still wears his monitor while sleeping at
night. He requires very cautious care, especially
through this last season due to the respiratory
syncytial virus (RSV), which would be very detri-
mental should he contract it. Continued ...
88-89 4/28/09 9:06 AM Page 2

It’s strange, but I had a feeling of something similar happening to Hope

on one of the days she visited Kingston in the NICU. After two healthy full- Take Control of Your Life:
term pregnancies with short labors and easy deliveries, my younger daughter,
Hope McLendon, had high hopes that her third pregnancy would end the same. However,
it ended in a very different manner. Around New Year’s Day, she began experiencing (what
Your Home. Your Health.
she was told in the past) muscle spasms in her back. She had experienced these spasms
periodically before and even during her first pregnancy, but they never lasted as long as
Your Work. Your Money, Honey!
they did this time.
On January 17, 2009, thirty-three weeks pregnant with her third child, she woke
up at 5 AM with a warm sensation that went down her legs and then a loss of sensation
and function that followed. After lying in the bed for a few minutes thinking that the feel-
ing would return, she woke up her husband, who called EMS, thus beginning the scariest
day of their lives. After an evaluation by her Ob/Gyn, Dr. Lynn Clary, and multiple tests, it
was determined that she had a mass on her spine causing spinal cord compression, which
caused the paralysis she was experiencing from her sternum down.
The decision was unanimous in that emergency surgeries were to be performed.
Immediately following a C-section to deliver a premature baby girl, she underwent back
surgery by Dr. James Brennan and Dr. William Naso to remove the mass and, hopefully,
allow her to regain function in her legs. The next few days were the most difficult days she
has ever endured. Not knowing what the future would hold and separation from all three
of her children were the most difficult parts of the whole situation. However, she felt the
hands of God holding her up even when she literally could not stand on her own. By His Saturday, September 19th
grace and the power of many prayers, she was able to wiggle the toes on her right foot by
the next morning. She continued to see small signs of progress everyday thereafter. 9:00am-5:00pm
The baby, Hayden Briley, progressed amazingly well for a baby of her gestational
age. She required only minimal respiratory assistance for the first couple days of her life.
Other than jaundice and a few episodes of apnea, she experienced no other complications
associated with a preemie. After two weeks in the NICU, Hayden was ready for discharge
to join her father Charles, Jr. (Chuck) and her other two siblings, Madison Grace (6) and
Tate Edward (4) in their Hartsville home.
In the meantime, after two days in the Trauma Surgical Care Unit and two days in
a regular room at McLeod Health, Hope was transferred to Carolinas Acute In-Patient
Rehab to begin a spinal injury rehabilitation program copied from Atlanta, Georgia, under
the care of Dr. Dean Lorenz. During this week and a half, she underwent three hours of
physical therapy and occupational therapy per day. She took her first steps on January 23
and by the next day, she had achieved a distance of seventy-five feet with the assistance of
a walker. By discharge on January 31, she was walking with a cane. She must continue
physical therapy as an outpatient to steady her balance and walk unaided by a cane.
Even though she has experienced two major surgeries, the birth of a premature
baby, separation from her family and an intense rehabilitation program, Hope was very
determined not to let that keep her down. As a wife, mother and nurse, she was very
motivated to regain her mobility and get back home to her family life.
Kingston, born sixteen weeks early, experienced severe apnea periods without
breathing, leading to bradycardia or a decreased heart rate, which the family was well-pre-
pared for by the NICU staff. Among the many things that Kingston could have experienced
were brain bleeds, cerebral palsy, hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain), vision problems that
could include blindness, hearing problems – and the list goes on.
Haley was born seven weeks early and was not as critical as Kingston; however,
she was not out of the woods as far as disabilities were concerned. Hope feared for both
herself and Hayden. Hope’s additional fear included her two older children and husband
if her spinal cord tumor caused permanent damage.
I had faith and peace during the tragedies my daughters experienced. I can only imagine
how they felt, uncertain as to what the future would hold. As nurses, they were much
more aware of what could have been. My strength came from the love for my daughters.
I was not by myself in that regard. Both girls were very fortunate in that they had a lot of
support with a long prayer line that grew across the country.
I hope that I have passed along to my daughters the importance of their children
knowing their families and the importance of setting examples for their children to work
together as a family through thick and thin. Being a grandmother is different from being a Visit our website
mother. Looking back, I have become a better mother since becoming a grandmother. In
admitting I didn’t know everything then, I can improve from my past experiences.
www.shemagazine.com
I have so many precious memories of my children. Now, I hope to remain healthy for a vendor application.
and live long enough to watch my children make precious memories with their children –
and for me to make wonderful memories with my grandchildren.
• • • • • Spaces fill quickly.
Karen Poston Smith is only the child of now-deceased parents, Ulysses and Marlies Poston. She worked in
banking 25 years, having served several positions prior to her current role as a Realtor with RE/MAX
Professionals, a gracious contributor to many worthy cause For more information, call 423.2393
Pictured on previous page- (First row standing): Madison Grace McLendon, Tate Edward McLendon, (Babies held 2nd row):
Hayden Briley McLendon, Kington Bane Broughton (3rd row): Hope McLendon , Karen Lee Broughton
90 4/23/09 9:20 AM Page 1
O n December 5, 2008, I became a first-time Mommy to, honestly, the
two most beautiful twin girls. A few weeks later, we were all home – Lilly, Kayden and
me. My husband went back to work and it hit me; there were no more nurses, no more
husband and no more visiting friends. It’s just me and them!
Things were going along pretty well until about day three of being home alone
with the girls. On this day, I was startled awake from my two hours of sleep by Lilly
who was apparently hungry and she did not want to wait at all. We began to feed and
everything was okay until Kayden decided it was her turn, too. In the hospital, I prac-
ticed breastfeeding with them together. Well, at home, it is not the same! Over time,
I’ve learned that sometimes, one is going to
cry until I can get to her – and that’s
okay.
Since having the girls, one
important thing I’ve learned is
that I will never ask someone if
they are still breastfeeding again.
People ask this question all the
time and don’t think about how it
affects the new mom. Oh, the pres-
sure and guilt a new mom can feel about
breastfeeding. We’re trained to think that
if we don’t, we are putting our baby
in danger; therefore, I wanted
nothing more than to
breastfeed until the girls were a year old. I fed and I pumped and I did everything I knew
to do, but the stress of having two new babies was too much on my body and my milk
production slowed. I started supplementing with formula. You would have thought
someone had shot me in the foot the way I acted over that first bottle of formula! I
had this idea that kept running through my head, “If I lived in the old days, my babies
would starve!” Now, my thoughts are that they’re getting full from the formula and
everything else is coming in small doses from breast milk.
Up until I had the girls, I think I may have changed five diapers in my whole life.
I was definitely not a pro. I went to a class, though, so I thought I knew it all now. Nope!
There was one wonderful Thursday morning that I had gotten a full three hours of sleep
and everyone was doing so well. Nevertheless, in the back of my mind, I was wonder-
ing when the poop was going to hit the fan. Well, about 2:00 P.M., I was changing Lilly
and she looked at me with the brightest grin. I was so excited because I swore it was
because she loved me. I was in the midst of changing her diaper when all of a sudden,
there was poop everywhere – the bed, the wall, me, her, me again and even the carpet!
This was the day the nursery went from “How beautiful and comforting!” to “That’s the
girls’ room.”
Eventually, I did okay with no sleep and I’m learning to adapt to broken sleep
(although, I think that’s harder than no sleep at all). It’s all about the tease. I laugh when
I set my alarm clock because I know I’ll never get to actually hear it go off again. My
new alarms are way cuter than my old one anyway.
A fanatic about my house, I always tried to keep it company-ready – clean and
no clutter. Needless to say, that has all changed. With one baby, there’s a lot of stuff;
with two babies, there’s double a lot. (A piece of advice for other twin moms-to-be:
you don’t need two of everything!)
My living room, which had previously been decorated in a very modern look
with my beloved red sofa, is now sporting a Pack ‘n Play made for twins, two bouncy
seats and a swing. The guest bed is constantly covered in baby clothes that need to be
folded or have been but haven’t made it to a drawer yet. The bathroom that was dec-
orated to look like a high-fashion Paris dressing room is now home to rubber ducky
nozzle covers, temperature testers, a small bathtub that has a bubbler on it (I need a
bubbler) and a giant frog that is full of more toys than should be allowed in an entire
house, much less the bathroom. Even my bedroom (which I swore would remain a
place of adult décor) is now where the Boppy Loungers remain. I just leave them in my
bedroom now because there isn’t any point in moving them back and forth anymore.
My girls can’t even walk and they run my home – and that’s okay.
With all this and so much more that I just can’t even begin to get into right
now, Lilly and Kayden are the joys of my life. I spent a lot of time wondering what my
purpose is. God taught me patience because I waited and I waited. When my daugh-
ters were born, I realized that my purpose is to be Mommy to the two most perfect
little girls I have ever seen.
They can spend the whole day making me crazy and one second of that hum-
ming from Lilly when she’s just about asleep or the sweet smile that Kayden will flash
me right before I walk away from the crib makes it all worth it. When it seems too
much to handle, I take a deep breath, smell the scent that only a baby has and thank
God for all my blessings.
• • • • •
Erin Segars Faile, her husband, Cameron, and their twin daughters, Lilly and Kayden, live in Florence.
She is the Community Health Coordinator for McLeod Health.
91 4/22/09 1:53 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 91

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92 4/27/09 3:31 PM Page 1

b eing a mother brings me indescribable joy. I would say I have

more joy than heartaches. Of course, there are many challenges (especially if you are
As a Pulmonologist and Critical Care Specialist, I spend long hours in the hospital
and in my office seeing patients. This curtails the time I have with my children; howev-
a working mom), but these only fortify my dedication and keep me going. er, I spend quality time with them as much as possible. I am so blessed to have a lov-
When I first learned that I was expecting, I had mixed feelings, mainly because ing and wonderful husband who stands by me through all the struggles and my children
of the anticipated physical strain and responsibility of motherhood. After a while, it was are very understanding and giving. They love me as I am and are proud that I am a doc-
only joyful and eager expectation, knowing I was so blessed to become a mother. My tor and serving other people besides them.
childbirth experience was tough, but my mother and my husband were with me at all Balancing work and motherhood is not easy. My motto is, live the present moment.
times and made things a little bit easier. When I am at home, I do what I need to do and do it with love. When I am at work,
My eldest daughter, Razelle, is a second-year medical student. She graduated I do the same. This alleviates stress, knowing that I am doing the best I can.
with a Bachelor’s Degree in Medical Technology, Magna Cum Laude. She is diligent and I hope that I have instilled in my children strong family values and love for family. I
perseveres and has a very strong drive to succeed. Ronald, my eldest son, will gradu- want them to cherish the memories we have while we are together as one family.
ate, earning a Bachelor’s Degree in Chemistry, Cum Laude. He is very intelligent, Hopefully, they will keep coming back home with their spouses and children and spend
strong-willed and independent. My younger daughter is Raquel. A junior in high school, some memorable and fun times with us. • • • • •
she is a member of the National Honor Society and in the top
ten of her class. She is well motivated, sweet, sensitive and
kind. Raymund is my youngest son. He is a gymnast and rep-
resented Florence twice in the regional competition. He is
physically gifted and learns things quickly. He is also doing very
well in school and is a loving and generous child. All my chil-
dren make me very proud and, indeed, make my life more
meaningful. Each one is very special and unique and I could go
on describing them with all the wonderful attributes that a
mother would be proud of.
As a working mother, my biggest challenge is not rais-
ing them, but making time for them. My husband, Rick, has been
very supportive of my career and if not for him, raising my chil-
dren would be more challenging. My greatest joy is when I see
my children successful and happy. Having them all at home dur-
ing Thanksgiving and Christmas and watching them having fun
makes life worthwhile.
I really don’t know if there is something else I needed
to know or should have known about motherhood. Loving and
being a good mother should be an instinct. It is also a learning
process, understanding that all tribulations and triumphs are
good learning experiences that make you a better mother.
I now realize and understand why my mother and my
grandmother were so strict, conservative and, at times, over-
protective. When we love our children, we tend to be overpro-
tective to the point that they think we don’t trust them.
Looking back, I am very grateful that my mother and my grand-
mother did what they thought was good and virtuous for me.
Watching my children grow teaches me life’s lesson.
They teach me the virtues of patience, unconditional love and
giving beyond measure. I also learned that I worry too much
about them, but I guess we all do for our children.
Collin M. Smith Photography

Dr. Heidi Arsua Berdin and her wonderful husband, Rick, have four children, Razelle, Ronald, Raquel and Raymund. She is Board Certified in Pulmonology,
Internal and Critical Care Medicine and is also a Board Certified Sleep Disorders Specialist and a member of the medical staff at Carolinas Hospital System.
93a 4/24/09 11:04 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 93

Marion School District One would like to

Congratulate
Christie Baker
MARION INTERMEDIATE
SCHOOL

Stacy Wilbanks
EASTERLING PRIMARY
SCHOOL

Karen Graham
MARION HIGH SCHOOL Marion’s

John Washington
JONAKIN MIDDLE
SCHOOL
Teachers of the Year 2009!

for more informationVisit:

theswampfox.com

May 15th & 16th

Join us for a day of entertainment, arts & crafts, food,
fun, & more at the 2009 Marion FoxTrot Festival.

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outdoor family entertainment P L U S DOWNTOWN BUSINESSES WILL
BE OPEN TO WELCOME YOU!
GATES OPEN AT 6:00 PM ($2.00 GATE FEE)
Concessions provided by Marion HS Booster Club PARADE BEGINS AT 10:00 AM
performing Noon- 6pm where
Other Entertainment

SATURDAY, MAY 16TH • 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM South Main St. & Goldbold St. Meet
Fox Field • $2.00 Entrance Fee
Totally Emmalyn Davis The Little
Terence Lonon & The Untouchables Committed
Gospel
Dance School Temptations
Rhythm & Blues
delights with an extensive array of cherished Motown hits, forgotten golden Ha Ha The
oldies, swingin' New Orleans Jazz and Blues, Carolina Beach & Shag, pul- Marion Mass Clown
sating Old School Funk, timeless Rhythm & Blues favorites, Swing music & Choir And many
Gospel Justin Roberts
high energy Current & Classic dance tunes.
School of more local
Concessions Provided By Marion HS Booster Club Johnakin Choir Dance performers!
Various
94-95 4/23/09 9:16 AM Page 1
a t the mature age of three, I became a mother when Santa brought
one of my first baby dolls to me. Holding that baby, feeding her, burping her, changing
her and our daily strolls around the house gave me such pleasure. Oh, the twangs of
guilt I felt when I realized I had fallen asleep and she had spent the night on a cold floor.
Even ten years later as I was making my transition into adulthood, it was somewhat of
a struggle to leave my baby doll behind.
I don’t know exactly when I knew for sure that I would be a mother. My hus-
band will say I convinced him he wanted children. I say I always made it clear that chil-
dren were in my future and it would be really nice if they were his. This year, we will
celebrate the blessing of twenty-six years of marriage and, yes, the children are his.
In 1983, Danny and I were married. In 1985, after two negative pregnancy
tests (at an Ob/Gyn no less), I found out I was expecting our first child. I was stunned,
elated and scared out of my mind. The look in my precious husband’s eyes when I blub-
bered the news was one of the sweetest sights I have ever seen. As the months pro-
gressed, we both experienced physical and emotional changes. For me, it was the ever-
expanding belly and days of wild cleaning. For Danny, it was helping me eat all the
strange things I cooked with tons of garlic and taking power tool usage to a new level
while making needed repairs around the house.
It was a given that we would attend Lamaze classes and that I would give birth
with the least amount of pain medication. Our first few sessions were wonderful since
Danny waited on my every need, murmured words of encouragement and massaged
my back. During the end of our course, we were shown a video featuring a live birth.
The woman in front of me groaned as we watched, wide-eyed, a vaginal birth. My jaw
hit the floor and I realized I’d made a big mistake and needed to turn this bus around!
In the meantime, my husband sat enthralled and commented that it was “the coolest
thing” he’d ever seen. I believe I decided at that moment, there better be enough drugs
from start-to-finish while I delivered our child.
In the last few weeks of the pregnancy, doctor visits came almost weekly.
During one of my last examinations, my doctor’s concerned comment alarmed me. He
told me I needed an ultrasound and to get ready; he’d be back to perform the exam
himself. I tried not to cry. I tried not to be alarmed, but my heart was trying to come
out of my chest as my mind raced over every possible problem. Could I cope? Could
I endure? Was my once-bright view of the future becoming a black cloud of horror?
As the doctor applied the gel and began the ultrasound, he calmly explained
that the baby was not “in position.” He was not turned for the head to come down
the birth canal; he was in a breech position. If the position did not change, a Cesarean
Section would be necessary to deliver him safely.
What? The baby was a he (something we did not know) and I might need sur-
gery? My mind was reeling. I vaguely remember driving home. I do remember get-
ting to the driveway, turning off the car and crying like there was no tomorrow. I
remember my husband knocking on the window and seeing his furrowed brow. As he
ripped open my car door, he bent down and asked what was wrong. In between blow-
ing my nose and wiping my eyes, I told him there was good news and bad news.
“Okay,” he said, “tell me the good news first.” My husband heard nothing
about having a Cesarean because when he heard the baby was a boy, his eyes clouded
over and his mind drifted into a testosterone haze.
The night came that our son, Cliff, was ready to make his debut. I kissed my
husband goodnight as he slept in his recliner and then I slipped into bed.With a sigh,
my water broke and time stood still. What was I supposed to do? Well, I did need to
roll my hair. I needed to call my employer (which just hap-
pened to be the hospital). “Wait,” I thought,“first things first,
tell my husband and call Mamma.”
My mother told me to call the doctor and I told my
husband to call my supervisor. I don’t know who my husband
rambled on to, but it wasn’t my supervisor. My doctor didn’t
seem to understand that I needed to roll my hair as he kept
telling me to go to the emergency room immediately and he
would be waiting for me.
Once I was ready, my husband jumped in the car,
cranked it and gunned the engine. I followed with my suit-
case. As I came around the vehicle, I had a contraction which
caused me to double over and I placed my hand on the hood
to steady myself. In his concern, my husband rolled his win-
dow down and sweetly asked,“Well, are you coming or not?”
(I think I growled.)
At the hospital, I was evaluated and it was deter-
mined that I would, in fact, need a Cesarean because the baby
was still in the breech position. My husband was instructed
to gown-up while I was prepped for surgery. I remember
begging the woman with the Bic Disposable Razor to please
let me leave with the body parts I came in with. I remember
being wheeled to the delivery room, seeing my husband
dressed and ready before the doctor was. I remember hear-
ing a blood-curdling scream from a room down the hall.
Wide-eyed, I asked what was going on. My mother told me
it was a girl I had gone to school with and she had been in
labor for six hours.
Another contraction seized my abdomen. I
squeezed my eyes shut and I remember my husband gently
holding my hand and calmly saying, “Open your eyes, breathe
and focus.” Then, I seem to remember grabbing him by the
scruff of the neck and in flowery language, tell him he could get up on the gurney and
deliver this baby. He didn’t make that mistake again.
In the delivery room, I was given an epidural and the surgery began. I tried to
watch as much as I could via the overhead mirror, but I don’t do blood very well. Thank
the Lord for my husband’s soothing words as the medical staff worked to bring our
son into the world. In a short amount of time, we heard the cries of a baby – our baby.
I cry now just remembering this incredible moment in our lives. Later, in the recovery
room, my mother ministered to her own child while Danny sat in a corner holding Cliff
and telling him how happy he was that he now had someone to help mow the grass.
94-95 4/23/09 9:17 AM Page 2

The next day, I held our firstborn for the first time. I believe the earth
shook (unless it was me shaking so badly and I had the two confused). At
that moment, all the weight of the responsibility of motherhood descend-
ed. What had I done bringing this precious, beautiful, innocent creature into the
world? Softly and peacefully, God spoke to my heart. I hadn’t done anything. The child
was His and always would be. He was only granted to us for a season to raise. This lit-
tle boy was known before time by God and greatly loved. “For I know the plans I have
for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you
hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen
to you. You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart”
(Jeremiah 29:11-13).Three years later, our daughter, Sarah Cullens, blessed our home with
her birth. She, too, was a breech baby and was born by C-section. Sarah decided to make
her appearance into the world about three weeks early, catching her parents totally off
guard. The nursery was not ready and her mother had to drive herself to the hospital
while her daddy found someone to watch her brother.
Today, Cliff is 23, a graduate of The Citadel and a candidate for the mission field
with the International Missions Board. Sarah Cullens is a sophomore at Florence-
Darlington Technical College and works part-time at the Ebenezer Weekday Academy.
Our time together has gone by so quickly, but I cherish all the memories and rejoice in
thoughts of the future. It was just yesterday I was playing baby doll for real, but it will be
tomorrow that I will have even more to be thankful for – thankful that God allowed me
to be mother to two outstanding individuals. I still wonder who their parents are.
Nonetheless, I know they have a Heavenly Father that will not fail them.

The truth about motherhood

is you’re never fully prepared to step into the role of mother. You fly by the seat of your
pants most of time and just as you utter the question,“Will I ever sleep through the night
again?” you turn around and your babies are young adults spreading their wings and flying
away from the nest. Motherhood is one of the most challenging, rewarding and adventur-
ous roles a woman could experience. Motherhood is a gift and a blessing from the Father
(Proverbs 31:10-31). • • • • •

Kitty Daniels and her husband of twenty-six years, Danny, live in Florence in the Oakdale Community.
They have a son, Cliff, and a daughter, Sarah Cullens. She has her own business, Daniels Diversified
Management, LLC.
96 4/23/09 9:30 AM Page 1

w hen I went to college, I was unsure that I would ever have children. I was
career-driven and didn’t know how it would all fit together. My friends were getting
married and having children right after college and even though I enjoyed their children,
free-spirited and very attached to me. She’s so smart, I wonder if I have a genius in the
making. Everything about her makes her special.
The biggest challenge of motherhood for me has been to find a balance with
I still didn’t know if it was for me. work. As a Nurse Director, I’m responsible for approximately eighty employees and thir-
I waited to have children for many reasons. First, I wanted to have a stable ty-two patients (and more) every day, twenty-four hours a day. That can be very tough
career. Second, I wanted to be married a while so that my husband and I could enjoy mar- and is definitely a work-in-progress area. I’ve built my unit with the strongest employees;
ried life first. Probably the biggest reason, however, was my fear of the unknown; I was they know my expectations and they are a superb group to work with. I’ve always known
scared of how having a child would change everything. that if you surround yourself with the best, you’ll succeed. With their help, I’m still able
When I learned I was expecting, I was on vacation for a week at my beach house. to give my career one-hundred percent and as long as I can do that, I’ll remain in my career.
My husband had left on Monday to go to work and something told me to take a pregnan- I also give my family and home one-hundred percent effort, so what’s left? Not
cy test. I was doing a painting project that week and wanted to be safe if I was pregnant. much. I try to work out at the gym for one hour, three to four days a week; that’s the
I took several tests and they were all positive. I was shocked at first, but I had time to only time that’s just mine. I’m also in graduate school to obtain my Master’s Degree in
bond with the idea before I told anyone else. I was excited and afraid and wondered if I Healthcare Administration. To have the correct balance, I stay organized and I have a sup-
would be a great mom. portive husband and family. Weekends are very sacred; my main focus is family and home
Now, I’m 38-years-old with a 17-month-old little girl, Jenna. My pregnancy was on weekends. In the end, my heart is so full of love and joy, everything else works itself
excellent. I continued to work full-time, work out and even helped renovate a new house out.
for my family to live in after baby arrived. I rarely had any morning sickness. I enjoyed I have a great mother, but I never knew the love she had for me until I had Jenna.
being pregnant. I couldn’t comprehend what being a mom would be like until Jenna Now, I appreciate my mom more and understand her better. I’ve actually
arrived on November 15, 2007. When the physician held her up in the air for my hus- apologized for any hurt or worry that I caused her. Of course, she said
band and me to see, I was amazed that that baby came out of me! When I got to hold I was a good child and didn’t give her any trouble. That’s what a
her in the recovery room and she immediately knew I was her mother, I cried. My mom who loves her child unconditionally would say.
best friend, Missy, was my Labor and Delivery Nurse and she helped me to under- Looking ahead to the day when Jenna is no longer dependent
stand all that I was feeling. It was a great moment and that was the start of a won- on me and she’s ready to spread her wings, the most important
derful journey. From then on, my life has been changed in ways that only a mom thing I hope I’ve instilled in her is independence, but also for her to
can know. know that it’s okay to let people do things for her. I want her to
When I went home with Jenna, I didn’t have a clue how to take care of know that if she wants a career, she can have it and build a wonder-
her. I knew how to change diapers, but that was about it. The biggest job – and ful family. I want her to know how special
surprisingly, it came very natural – was to just love her. Everything else fell life and people are so that she can
into place. I had many sleepless nights, but something kept me going. I have passion for everything. I
feel it was the bond we shared and the love that energized me every want her to be free-spirit-
day. ed and not worry about
The day Jenna was born, my whole world changed. I was the small things.
so emotional because I felt so blessed. I really didn’t know the Motherhood
love I would feel until I saw her and she looked at me and has taught me
depended on me. Now, I ask myself why I waited so long to that life is special.
have children. If I had known how special the relationship of It’s what you
mother to child would be, I may have had a child sooner. make of it and
Sometimes, I do regret not having children sooner because the little things
I would have had a house full by now. Nonetheless, I do don’t matter as
believe in purpose and timing. The timing of my pregnan- much. Having a
cy was right for me and my life. family and enjoy-
I don’t know of one specific thing that made hav- ing every moment
ing a child at an older age a difficult experience. I will say is what life is about.
that because I was older, I had to make extreme changes in My greatest joy is seeing
my life to take care of Jenna and all that having a child entails. the love between my husband and Jenna
Before having her, I would come home from work, unwind and and how their relationship grows every
relax. Now, I come home and there is still so much to do. I day. Jenna has taught me patience and
don’t have much time to unwind and relax now. At age 37, I innocence. I look at her and see the
think I was better prepared to experience motherhood because future – one that is so bright.
I’ve already experienced so much in my life. Those experi-
ences and life lessons have made me wiser and more • • • • •
equipped to be a parent. Kelley Rogers Prevatte, her husband, Bobby,
Now, seventeen-month-old Jenna Caroline and their daughter, Jenna, live in Effingham.
Prevatte smiles and laughs all the time. She’s fun-loving, She is the Director of 9th Surgical Unit at
McLeod Regional Medical Center. Kelley
enjoys working out at the gym, spending
time with family and enjoying their beach
Collin M. Smith Photography
house in Garden City.
97 4/22/09 3:01 PM Page 1

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98 4/27/09 3:35 PM Page 1

a s a little girl growing up, I always dreamed of getting married and starting
a family. That dream became a reality when I married my high school sweetheart and
soul mate, Kevin Elliott. We wanted to start having children right away.
We continue to see our wonderful doctors and their staff in Augusta and Matthew still
takes medication for precautions. If anyone has ever wondered if God really answers
prayers, Matthew is proof that he does.
After only nine months of marriage, I found out that I was pregnant. We were God uses him to uplift my spirit when I’m down; his smile and laugh could
overwhelmed with excitement, nervousness and lots of joy. Our lives changed that day. brighten anyone’s day. He is also using Matthew to touch other lives. Matthew has this
Little did we know how much more it would change after giving birth to a precious lit- sense of peace and comfort about him that makes people fall in love with him. Only
tle boy we named Matthew. He was born perfectly healthy; however, two months later, thirteen-years-old, he is an inspiration to so many. People have told me that seeing
he began having seizures. Matthew handle everything he has been through makes them want to be a better
Matthew was diagnosed with epilepsy before he was two-years-old. His battle Christian. Hearing that my child does that for others makes me the proudest mom ever.
with epilepsy has been a long and hard road for us all but especially for Matthew. Definitely, the most difficult part of my motherhood has been watching my child
Nonetheless, he is such a trooper. He had surgery in February 2001 for a Vagal Nerve go through everything he has had to. Being the parent of a child with special needs is
Stimulator (VNS) implantation to hopefully help control his seizures. It did not. We saw very stressful and challenging; however, it is very rewarding. He used to run and play like
doctors at MUSC in Charleston for eight years and things did not get better. Matthew other children; but, now, he has to wear an AFO brace on his left leg for support due to
was having up 60 seizures in a single day. the weakness left after his brain surgery. Because he was left-handed before surgery, he
We decided to seek other doctors in Charlotte and at Duke University but had to learn to write with his right hand. Matthew is not on the same level as other
with no success of controlling the seizures. The many hospital stays, numerous medica- children his age, but we celebrate every little milestone that he reaches.
tion changes and tests performed have been more than stressful for our whole family. The most joyful part of my motherhood is seeing the glorious work that God
But, we put all of our trust and faith in God and He brought us (and still brings us) has done in Matthew’s life. With everything this child has been through, he lets nothing
through any obstacles we are faced with. People ask me all the time how I am so strong. keep him down. His faith that God will take care of anything put in his path shines
I simply say, “My strength comes from my faith in God.” through his every action. He has adjusted incredibly well to everything, never complains
We all know that God works in mysterious ways, but it wasn’t until October or wants to know why. He is our inspiration.
2005 when my husband, Kevin, had a seizure, did things begin to go in a different direc- Praise God, he is not having any seizures now and he is so precious to his father
tion for our family. Matthew began seeing the same neurologist as Kevin in Florence. and me. We couldn’t imagine things being any different. Although Kevin and I never
This doctor treated him for almost a year and after another hospital stay, he suggested had any more children, we know God blessed us with a very special little boy. We are
we see the doctors at the Medical College of Georgia (MCG) in Augusta. blessed that He chose us to be the parents of our precious Matthew. We hope we live
We first went in October 2006 and began immediately with all sorts of tests –
some that we hadn’t even heard of. After extensive testing, our amazing team of doc-
up to His expectations of us in being the best parents we can be.
• • • • •
tors suggested that Matthew have brain surgery to try and
remove the abnormal tissue that was causing the seizures.
That was hard to hear and harder to comprehend. How
could we let our child have brain surgery? We prayed and
asked God to help us decide what was best for Matthew. He
did and we proceeded with surgery in March 2007.
After a two-week hospital stay and a three-part
brain surgery, we went home. Matthew’s seizures did
decrease, but he continued to have them. He was also left
with some weakness on the left side of his body, which he
receives therapy for twice a week. It’s very difficult to see
your child struggle some with walking and not be able to use
his left hand as he once did. But, as a family, we look at this
as another challenge God has given us and we know that if
God brings you to it, He will see you through it.
We continued to see the doctors at MCG and
repeated tests. We went to Spartanburg for MRIs because of
the VNS and also to the University of Alabama in
Birmingham, Alabama, for an MEG study. Then we got the
devastating news that we were afraid of; our team of doctors
suggested that Matthew have brain surgery again.
Of course this was hard to swallow for all of us, but
we knew God was with us and this must be His will. In
October 2008, Matthew had his second brain surgery. This
time, however, it was two parts instead of three. It was a life-
changing event for our family and friends. Praise God,
Matthew has been seizure-free since October 19, 2008 and
has not experienced any new side effects from the surgery.

Vickie Elliott and her husband of fifteen years, Kevin,

live in Effingham, SC. They have one son, Matthew (13).
She has worked for Blue Cross Blue Shield almost 17 years. Collin M. Smith Photography
99 4/27/09 3:10 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 99

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100 4/24/09 9:58 AM Page 1
by Cookie Cawthon
V ictoria Zybko has a lot of this stuff figured out. Seriously, she does
motherhood in a way that makes many envious (myself included) – not because
she has mastered some façade of perfection but simply because she seems to have such
a blast doing it! She ditched the pressure to make it all look pretty and decided to roll
with the interruptions, to accept imperfection, and to laugh a lot. “How and when did I
evolve into an imperfect real mom? All I know is I’m not going back. Not going back
to a time when I worried about matching containers in lunch boxes, not having friends
over ‘cause my carpets are stained, or kids that look catalog-ready before leaving the
house.” Even as she prepared her responses for this article, she was interrupted to
jump on the trampoline, nurse the baby, read about sharks, take in a teenage fashion
show, transport kids, and bake cookies for school. “These are the real memories, real
times together that make up a childhood.”
Her own childhood explains a lot, she says. Victoria grew up as the youngest
(and favorite) of seven children (four boys and three girls) to a real MacGyver mom.
Her own mother’s strength inspires her as she stares at the large desk calendar mount-
ed on her refrigerator and anticipates the activities of any given day. Her mom’s wis-
dom echoes internally as she tries to make decisions true to what her mother has
taught and modeled for her.
There was a time, however, when Victoria’s mom may not have imagined her as
the mom she is now. Victoria hasn’t always envisioned her life as a full-time mom;“I used
to drive my family insane with I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR Gloria Steinem com-
ments. I would lecture my parents about modern equal rights and the correct way to
refer to Bob, our mailman. It’s now postal carrier, please.” She could not fathom why
strong, intelligent, independent women would intentionally abandon promising careers
to stay at home and have babies. Freaks! Well, a few years, six children, and some well-
digested words later,Victoria has joined the “freak parade.” She is “100% soccer mom
and proud of it.”
Having a large family obviously means being pregnant a lot, and Victoria found
each pregnancy to be as different as each child. Though she doesn’t really remember
the difficult aspects of pregnancy or childbirth, she does remember informing David, her
Photo by Collin M. Smith Photography
“soulmate of a husband,” of each impending birth. “I can neither confirm nor deny that
my husband gave any of the following responses:‘How did that happen?’;‘Are you trying
to kill me?’; and ‘God bless America!’” She and David work as a dynamic team as they
parent Diane (almost 17), Lil’ David (15), Dylan (14), Delaney (7), Drexel (4), and Delilah
(18 months).
As she mentioned, each child is beautifully unique. Diane, “at the top of the
food chain, looks after all of her younger siblings with 100% love, energy, and SAR-
CASM.” She can be candid and honest about difficult subjects and that can often enliv-
en the house. “Diane would one day love a house full of kids herself, just as long as it’s
oceanfront.” Lil’ David has always been the last one standing – always wanting to go
more, do more, play more, see more, etc… That trend continues with a fresh license
riding in his back pocket. Dylan is laid back and low maintenance (so much so that he
was almost left at a rest area on I-95 for washing his hands for an eternity). Delaney is
the performer and the social butterfly of the bunch. She is confident and in constant
pursuit of an audience. Drexel is often hard to figure when it comes to his mood but
either way he’s going to be “full throttle,” and Delilah (aka Smiley Liley and Lilahbel) is
the baby who is thrilled about the newness of everything in her world. And because
Victoria gets that inquiring minds want to know about more children in their future, she
shares that “this kitchen is officially closed, people.”
So, being the mother of six keeps a mom crazy busy. When the alarm clock
sounds early each morning, she whacks it a few good times, snoozes as long as possible,
tries to shake off the fog of slumber, and gives thanks to God for a new day. She ambles
to the kitchen and gropes for the cabinet handle; giving it a tug, she finds two treasures:
a coffee mug for some much needed strong, black enthusiasm and her favorite prayers
strategically taped inside the cabinet. Next stop – the calendar. What’s the plan for the
day? “Some people think day to day; I always think square to square instead. It appears
Sharpie markers have taken over my life.” Hmmmm; Teach 2 aerobics classes (8:30,
10:00), Orkin man coming (11-1:00), Ice cream party, 1st grade (1:30),Teacher conference
(3:00), Soccer game @ Sumter (6:00), Soccer game @ N. Myrtle Beach (7:00)!
“’Really? Wow,…. is my coffee ready yet?’ I can do this, I tell myself.
I can do anything. It might not be perfect, but I can do this. Like my moth-
er would say,‘Your head is your steering wheel.’ So true in any situation, but
I’m trying not to drive into a ditch.”
A few months ago my friend came over for lunch. She was greeted by a
half-dressed squealing one year-old being chased by a big brother monster. I held
my breath, hoping the baby’s dirty hands didn’t wipe onto my friend’s fresh-look-
ing tan pants.
“Come on in,” I said while stepping over half-done puzzles, a scattered deck
of cards, and a not-so-great attempt at homeschooling.
“Ya know,Victoria. I wish I could be more like you.” What on Earth was she
talking about? “You don’t mind if things aren’t perfect.” Huh? It took me a few
days to digest this …uh, …uh,… compliment?
Did she mean I was slack? My kids were always dirty? My house was a
mess? No, no, no, she meant I roll with the punches ‘cause PERFECT is an unob-
tainable place in time when you have kids. A smile came across my face; it was a
compliment! My PERFECT is really IMPERFECT, and I am good here –the land of
real motherhood.
So,Victoria has found freedom from the teetering glass vase of perfec-
tion that many moms try to balance on the end of a shaky fingertip. She
doesn’t buy into the competition and judgment that arises between moms
because “Holly Homemaker makes her own organic baby food; Workout
Barbie comes home from the hospital wearing her pre-pregnancy jeans, and
Barbara Business Lady works full-time and still remembers to bring snacks
to Saturday soccer.” She’s not having any of it. A healthy relationship with
imperfection is working quite nicely for her, and “it would make [her] heart
burst with smiles if, when asked about their childhood, [her] children
respond… ‘IT WASN’T PERFECT!’”
• • • • •
Cookie Cawthon is blessed to be wife to Chris, mother to Carson (6) and Campbell (3),
Diet Pepsi addict, and crazy-excited greeter at NewSpring Church’s Florence campus.
101 4/23/09 3:49 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 101

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102 4/28/09 10:10 AM Page 1

c oming from a large family, I’ve always

wanted children. Even now, I still miss having babies Collin M. Smith Photography
in the home. Marshall and I had been married six
months when I found out I was pregnant for the first
time. I was ecstatic! Nine months seemed too long
to wait.
I didn’t put a lot of thought or preparation
into the actual deliveries of our four children. Having
a husband as an Ob/Gyn, I always felt very secure
about my pregnancies. I had a positive experience
with each one, even though they were all different. I
knew the pain I endured would be worth the end
result. (Thank goodness for epidurals.)
Tyler, our oldest at twenty, is the life of our
family. He has always been full of energy; his motor
never stops. He loves to be where the action is.
Always very bright and funny, he has been the one to
give all his sibling’s nicknames.
Harrison (17) has always been extremely
focused and goal-oriented. A deep thinker and also
quite witty, he is mature beyond his years.
Our most laidback child is sixteen-year-old,
Jackson. He loves to sleep and never gets in a hurry
about anything. His memory is sharp when it
comes to dates and events and he loves to quiz
us about specific events and trivia. He is our
most musically-gifted child, as well. He is very
observant and can do great impressions of
people. allowed them to be in charge of their own education. They have to wake themselves
Chandler (11) plays her role as up every morning and learn responsibility and accountability. I know, without a doubt,
the younger sister to perfection. She can that our sons have grown in ways they wouldn’t have had they stayed in Florence for
play the brothers off on each other and have school. We sent our oldest son to a school in Virginia and decided it was too far away.
them eating out of her hand. She gets teased, We took Jackson and Harrison to Christ School in Asheville, North Carolina. After the
but each one of her brothers loves to dote on her, interview, we all got in the car and felt such a peace. I can’t say enough good things
also. She generally has a very happy disposition. “Chandler plays her about Christ School. I know that they genuinely care about our boys. They provide an
I wish someone would have told me that I role as the younger
environment that instills confidence and the ability to grow. We know that sending our
sister to perfection.”
would love my children as much as I do. That being said, boys to boarding school is one of the greatest gifts we’ve ever given them – and they
the biggest challenge I’ve faced as a mother is learning agree. As much as we can be “guilt-ridden” about things we do as mothers, we cannot
to let go. It’s hard to watch my children make their own mistakes and get hurt. I know feel guilty about doing what’s best for our children and allowing them to grow up.
they will grow to be better men and women in the process, but I have a tendency to Being a mother is a God-given privilege that should be honored. Motherhood
be overprotective and I’m a little bit of a worrier. The greatest joy as a mother has has taught me that I cannot control everything about my children. I have to be in prayer
been taking care of them and watching them grow. I love the simple little day-to-day daily for God to work in their lives and hope the lessons I have taught them will carry
things which make memories that will last a lifetime. them through difficult times and decisions.
One of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make as a mother is the deci- The most important thing I hope that I have instilled in my children when they
sion to send my boys to boarding school. There were a lot of factors that weighed into are no longer dependent on me and ready to spread their wings is to be God-loving
that decision. One of the biggest reasons was the great opportunity they are afforded and God-fearing individuals. I pray that they will seek God in all they do in life.
in boarding school. They don’t have mom hovering over them all the time, which has
• • • • •
Angela Dent and her husband, Dr. J. Marshall Dent, III, live in Florence. They have four children,Tyler, Harrison, Jackson and Chandler. She is the Office
Manager of Complete Women’s Health Care. She enjoys reading, doing crossword puzzles, board games and spending time with her husband.
103 4/24/09 9:08 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 103

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104 4/27/09 11:22 AM Page 1

Sheroes

VANESSA
SANSBURY
“She understands that offering a
temporary home can truly make a
permanent impression – not only in
the life of a child, but in the life of
the foster parent.”

by Sabrina Goins

W
When making the decision to foster a child, there are many questions that
individuals and families ask themselves – questions of time, commitment and
resources. One of the most important questions asked is,“Can I care for this child
as I would my own?” For Vanessa Sansbury, the answer has always been,“Yes!” For
the past fifteen years,Vanessa has offered a safe home for children in need of love
and support.
Vanessa has two Master’s Degrees, one in education and one in social
work. As a licensed missionary, she has traveled the world extensively. Her educa-
tion and experiences have helped her care for children; but, when it comes down
to it, she says being a foster parent is instinctual. “It just comes naturally,” said
Vanessa. “I rarely use the term ‘foster parent’ because, really, you become a parent.”
In addition to her biological son and daughter, she considers five other boys her
sons, all of whom came into her life through fostering.
Vanessa started her career in foster care because she wanted to do her
part to help children who were not given the means to lead happy and productive Before he left,Vanessa told Anthony that if he ever needed her, she would
lives. In her previous position with the Department of Social Services and in her always be there for him. A promise she lived up to when she received a letter from
current one as Lead Social Worker of Darlington County School District,Vanessa him a year later. Anthony had been incarcerated and asked her to come visit him,
has seen firsthand how children can be hurt. In addition to this, she has seen her which she began doing twice a month.
own parents open up their home to children in need; Vanessa wanted to do the By the time he was released, Anthony was determined to turn his life
same. around. Vanessa opened her home back up to him and he refused to let her down.
Placing the right child with the right family is an important factor in foster- He got a job, still attends church and is a caring father to his own daughter, who
ing and Vanessa has found her niche in helping adolescent boys. Generally, this pop- Vanessa sees as one of her grandchildren. “After all we went through together, I
ulation is harder to place than younger children, making them a higher risk for gained a son in him,” said Vanessa. “He sees me as his mother and you could never
behavioral problems. Vanessa, however, has found a dynamic that works in her tell us any different.” Still living close by, Anthony visits his mother often and helps
home. When it comes to caring for older children, she understands that many of her with the new boys that have come to her home, taking them fishing and offer-
them have been at risk and no one has taken the time to show them how to do ing them advice.
common things. Helping them sometimes requires taking a nontraditional Although being a foster parent has proved difficult at times, Vanessa says
approach. Vanessa does not dictate the behavior of the youth in her care; instead, the good always outweighs any negative. She understands that offering a temporary
she tries to offer them new ideas about how they live and behave that may not have home can truly make a permanent impression – not only in the life of a child, but
occurred to them before.“Children do need love, but what they really need is sup- in the life of the foster parent.
port,” said Vanessa. “They need to know someone is in their corner.” “The rewards you see after sharing your life with a child are phenomenal,”
After several years of fostering,Vanessa was put to the test when thirteen- said Vanessa. “I hope more people will consider giving a child a home.”
year-old Anthony (*) came to live in her home. Having gone years without the support
system he needed,Anthony was an extremely defiant youth. He was disobedient and (*) Name has been changed for confidentiality.

often picked fights with other boys that were in Vanessa’s home. She pushed very hard If you are interested in becoming a foster parent, please contact LFS Carolinas at 1-800-HELPING

to help him, hoping to build a foundation of values he would keep with him for the rest or www.lfscarolinas.org. Each foster parent receives training and payment based on a child’s needs.

of his life. She made sure he attended church every Sunday, put his school work first, With 24/7 support from highly-qualified and experienced staff and the opportunity to meet with

helped around the house and took responsibility for his actions. After staying with other foster parents, each foster parent is equipped to provide the loving care to children in need of

Vanessa for nine short months,Anthony was showing some improvement; but, unfortu- a safe and stable environment. Other foster parent benefits include liability insurance protection for

nately, his behavioral issues made it too difficult for him to stay in her home. all licensed foster parents, planned respite, MAPP and TCIF training, continuous training for identified
needs and competitive reimbursement.

Sabrina Goins is Communications Specialist for Lutheran Family Services in the Carolinas in Charlotte, North Carolina.
105 4/24/09 10:19 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 105

106a 4/23/09 10:59 AM Page 1

PURSE STRINGS: by Robert LeMaster

A Mother's Day Message:

Give Yourself the Gift of
Financial Security
During this Mother's Day season, we think fondly of the many wonderful things that our own mothers, and the other ones we know, have
done for all of us.
As we reflect, it's important to keep in mind the sacrifices that all mothers have made. For example, women are still far more likely than
men to make career concessions in order to raise their families. Furthermore, even women who work full-time still earn less than men,
on average.While we have made some strides toward achieving fairness in pay, we're not there yet.

In short, if you're a woman -- whether you have

children or not -- you are going to have special
financial considerations, especially in the area of
saving for retirement.
Consider these factors:
More than 80 percent of all women will be solely responsible for their own finances at
some point in their lives -- mostly as they get older.On average, men collect $10,450 in
retirement income, from all sources, compared to just $6,020 for women.
Because women live an average of seven years longer than men, they're more likely
to outlive their assets.
Only 50 percent of working women have pensions.Women are more
likely to work in smaller businesses that do not offer pension plans.
You get the picture. You simply must take significant action on
your own behalf if you are going to enjoy a comfortable financial future.
Fortunately, there are many steps you can take. Here are just a few:

Pay Yourself First

Every time you get paid, turn around and write out a check to what-
ever savings or investment vehicle you have chosen -- before you pay any
other bills. Better yet, take advantage of payroll deduction, bank authorization
or systematic investment plans so that your money is automatically invested
before you even receive it. Such a plan, however, does not assure a profit and does
not protect against loss in declining markets.

Invest For Growth

To achieve your retirement goals, you may need to put some of your investment dollars into
"growth" vehicles, such as stocks or stock-based mutual funds. Historically, stocks have appreciated
more than other types of investments. More importantly, other types of investments, such as CDs or
Treasury bills, may not even keep up with inflation, so you could end up losing purchasing power if your
portfolio is not well-diversified.

Take Full Advantage of Available Retirement Plans

Save on a pre-tax basis through your employer's 401(k) or by making IRA contributions. If you can't deduct an
IRA contribution, consider a Roth IRA. Contributions to a Roth IRA are not deductible, but a Roth does offer
tax- free income at retirement under certain circumstances. If you are self- employed, a Simplified Employee Pension
Plan (SEP) or other qualified retirement plan may offer you a business tax deduction.

You're In Control
By following the steps described above, along with any others that make sense for your individual situation, you can
take charge of your own financial future. It will take some time and effort -- but the ultimate goal is well worth it.

Robert LeMaster is a Financial Advisor with Edward Jones. He is a graduate of South Florence High School
and Clemson University. He and his wife, Julie have a son, Luke.
107 4/22/09 2:21 PM Page 1
108 4/27/09 4:28 PM Page 1

Be in She
Coming in July 2009
A SPECIAL SUMMER EDITION

She'slooking For A Woman Who

- Loves the Great Outdoors

- Took A Vacation of a Lifetime

- Has A Delectable
Summer Recipe To Share

- Lives For a Day at the Beach

- Is Known for the Prettiest Yard or

Garden in Her Neighborhood

- Is Willing to Get a Swimsuit Makeover

If you would like to be considered for the July issue,

send a detailed email to editor@shemagazine.com.
Include a day and evening phone number and
“SUMMER” as the subject.
DEADLINE FOR CONSIDERATION IS MAY 25TH.
109 4/23/09 3:34 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 109

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110 4/23/09 2:27 PM Page 1

FORGET PERFECTION, FORGET BLAME

AND JUST PRESS ON!
by Lea Pritchard-Boone, PhD

One of the most precious God-given gifts and the greatest

challenge is motherhood. What is it that makes you feel
like a mother? Is it pushing the stroller, providing first-aid to the scraped knee or, per-
socially-sophisticated and sometimes-vicious adult world are all too familiar scenarios.
Be yourself and allow your child to do the same. They will learn from your confidence
and self-assured strength. Sure, common courtesies are important, but let children be
haps, washing and folding those cute little clothes? Gor me, I feel most like a mother children. When you let it go, it gives other moms permission to do the same. When
when I hear,“Mama!” between midnight and 5 AM. Of course, a good sized part of me mothers come to my office, they are quick to offer up all the mistakes they’ve made as
doesn’t want to leave my warm bed; but, alas, deep within me, the warmth of excite- if to prepare themselves for my critical assessment of their parenting. Instead, I tell
ment peaks knowing that I am about to see my son and a mild anxiety swells, asking, them stories of feeding my son M&M’s for breakfast in the car on a busy, busy morning
“Could something be wrong?” or the one about my lab coat, a pair of white underwear and a full elevator of people
A child is a precious gift and a greatest challenge. For you, it may be a com- (the details of that one are for my patients only!). It gives them permission to expose
pletely different scenario that wakes that place within; but, the fact is, it’s something – their flaws, too. No solution is built on correctly identifying blame; it’s built on the
something that drives you to bake the class cupcakes, chauffeur to all the activities and patient’s strengths.
put yourself lower on the list. So, if you find yourself with a child who has behavioral issues or some other
When asked what makes a good mother, I am left stumped. I don’t believe troubling characteristics, seek help if you aren’t sure where to begin. But, remember,
good mothering can be taught. Sure, skills can be learned. But, are skills and tasks your strengths are your solution. If you find yourself amongst critical peers gossiping
mothering? I believe mothering is that warm place within put there by God. He made about the weaknesses of someone else’s mothering, tell a few doozies of your own and,
mothers. He made motherhood. He made you good at it. Okay, not good just like after a brief silence, you may be surprised at the stories you’ll hear in return.
your neighbor whose children are impeccably dressed and not good like me who seems The gift of motherhood comes with tremendous responsibilities. The only way
to enjoy the 3 AM call to duty, but good in your own way. That’s the gift, I think. to survive it and be the best mom you can be is to recognize your unique abilities as a
Although we make mistakes, as long as we honor that warmth within, we’ll be good in mother. Sure, identifying some flaws from time to time and improving on them might
our own unique way. The challenge? Well, the challenge is recognizing your own unique make you an even better mother – and striving towards these goals is admirable. Make
mothering abilities, your own specially designed gift and not buckling under the weight sure your assessment of flaws is
of criticism, the shoulds and the you-know-what-you-really-need-to-dos that all too accurate. Only things that
often come from others. benefit you and your children
The Gift: Make an effort to identify your mothering strengths. Some are should be considered. Let go
patient, some are educators and some are funny and silly. Look, I don’t know what it of those flaws you know are
is; only you really know. But you do something better in your mothering than anyone derived from the perceived
you know. It’s not bragging or selfish pride to find your strengths. My experience is judgment of others. One thing
that mothers are much more knowledgeable about their parenting weaknesses. Open is certain, Ladies, focusing solely
your eyes! Your neighbor, Carrie, may have polite children; but, she may pale in com- on those flaws will make you a
parison to your patience with your children’s mistakes. Your sister,Whitney, who makes weaker version of the mother you
homemade meals nightly, may let her children watch a little too much TV. “It all comes were created to be. You may slip in
out in the wash,” as my mother used to say. It’s not about finding fault in others; it’s that direction occasionally, but grasp
about finding your strengths, the characteristics that are unrecognized by yourself. onto the gift of your unique mother-
Refocus your own self-assessment on your strengths. Let’s face it, you’re there, you love ing and don’t forsake it. It was created
them, you feed them and clothe them, the basics. Everything else you do is your moth- within you to survive the challenges;
ering style. Just like fashion, there may be style trends and differences, but we enjoy see- draw upon it. No blame, no guilt, just
ing these differences. What if everyone had the same style? Boring! What if everyone motivation, focus and strength. Press on.
mothered the same? Cookie-cutter kids. Feel lifted by your strengths and self-forgiv- Happy Mothers Day! You deserve it
ing of your flaws. I’m thinking that’s what God had in mind when He made that moth- and only you will ever know just how much.
ering place within you.
The Challenge: Sometimes, I don’t know who is more cruel – the
children on the playground or their moms. Many moms tell me that going to the park,
attending another child’s party or watching your child perform in a school program can
feel like tests. “How will my mothering be evaluated?” Moms
work so hard to avoid this criticism – much of which is imag-
ined – because, let’s face it, many of the other moms are
focused on their own flaws, not yours. Dressing your
child up in uncomfortable clothes, admonishing
them for the slightest impolite action and expect-
ing them to understand how to behave in a

Dr. Lea Pritchard-Boone is the mother of Dalton (3)

and wife to Austin. She is Psychology Fellow of the
LifeCare Psychology Group, LLC (formerly known as
the Behavioral Health Group), in Florence and focus-
es primarily on treating children and adolescents.
111a 4/24/09 11:06 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 111

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112 4/22/09 4:25 PM Page 1

k WOMEN at WORK

REANNA
STOINOFF
Manager,
The McLeod Resource Center

W hen I first began working at The McLeod Resource Center last spring,
I spent one Tuesday evening each week for five weeks observing a
childbirth class, watching couples learning how their babies would
come into the world. These moms-to-be had so many questions that I couldn’t help
but think back to all the times (up to and perhaps including that point) that I always just
assumed my mom was an expert at motherhood her whole life. I saw a husband gently
place his hand on his wife’s swollen belly as he sat behind her during breathing exercises,
her hand over his. I was surprised to feel tears welling in my eyes when I imagined my
own mother, only a few years older than I am now, with the same apprehension and
same swollen ankles as she prepared to welcome me, her first baby, into the world.
I have heard Elizabeth Stone’s quote many times, “Making the decision to
have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking
around outside your body.” I have only started to understand that sentiment since
I began working at The McLeod Resource Center.
This May marks my first anniversary at McLeod. The McLeod Resource
Center is a hub of health information with an emphasis on childbirth, parenthood and
women’s services. I coordinate maternity education, run the day-to-day operations and
sales and act as a community outreach and public relations arm for women’s services
at McLeod. I love my job; however, I would have never believed it if someone had told
me two years ago that my first post-college job would have me neck-deep in the world
When I see a woman staggering in from the pain of a recent Cesarean Section
of new moms and babies. I graduated from Ohio University last year with a Degree in
to buy a pacifier for her bundle of pudgy rolls asleep in the infant carrier or coming back
Journalism and Public Relations and moved to Florence to be near my fiancé, a teacher
time and again to see our nurse so she can get breastfeeding exactly right or running
at Darlington High School. I have always had an interest in working in health care and
errands while expertly maneuvering a tired two-year-old with one hand and patting her
the research I did on Florence led me to McLeod as a nationally-recognized, innovative
near-to-bursting pregnant belly with the other, I am always humbled by her strength.
and community-oriented organization. I was thrilled to come on board.
Back to that evening at the childbirth class last spring, I was overwhelmed by
My first year has been one long learning experience. I grasped quickly that
a feeling I couldn’t name, but now I know what it was. Watching women become mothers
pregnancy can, at times, be very stressful for women and it feels great to be able to
is like watching butterflies emerge beautiful (albeit exhausted) from their own big round
connect new mothers with the help they need. I also love the flexibility of my job and
chrysalises. They surrender the easy selfishness of not having children, endure the
the opportunities I have to interface with the community as I work to re-introduce
admittedly long list of pains and humiliations of pregnancy, undergo what has been called
The McLeod Resource Center to the region. My boss and co-workers are extremely
the most physically painful human experience and then give themselves up – body and
supportive of new ideas and, already in the short year I have worked here, I have been
soul – to their children. Seeing these women, even in their exhaustion and uncertain-
able to launch several new programs.
ty and meeting the challenges of motherhood so spectacularly, is my favorite part of the
Immersing myself in the world of mothers and babies did take some adjusting.
job.
At 23, I never expected to know so much about breastfeeding and childbirth, at least
All mothers, at every age and stage, were once that apprehensive pregnant
not until having my own babies. My job has exposed me to more of the terrors, joys,
woman in childbirth class with her hand on her husband’s hand, her heart in her throat,
surprises and sweetness of motherhood than I knew existed. I have learned that a
hoping she’ll be able to rise to the occasion whenever it presents itself. The feeling that
woman’s capacity to love grows to immeasurable depths when she brings life into the
washed over me as I thought of my own mom, so vulnerable and beautiful and young,
world. Mothers astound me.
was gratitude – gratitude for undertaking every moment of pain and uncertainty and
Whether you are alight with the secret newness of discovering you are
fatigue from the time I was the size of a sea monkey, giving me everything she could and
expecting, so sleep-deprived from nighttime feedings that you can hardly remember
raising me to see the world for all its possibilities.
your own name, heartsick as you watch your first-grader get on the school bus all by
To those of you who have risen to the occasion, who have watched your
himself or, like my own mom, missing your grown-up baby from hundreds of miles away,
heart-of-hearts tumble out into the world to walk on its own outside of yourself, I
you all share something in common. You have taken on a role that requires you to be
thank you. You are shining examples of what love is capable of. I am honored to be at
ferociously brave, impossibly tender, inexhaustibly forgiving and forever on-call. I am
your service.
awed by you – all of you.

Reanna Stoinoff is Manager at The McLeod Resource Center in Florence.

113 4/23/09 11:11 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 113

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114 4/22/09 4:17 PM Page 1
McLeod Orthopedic Surgeon
Explains ACL Injuries
in Female Athletes
by Dr. Brian Blair
McLeod Orthopaedic Specialists
I t is commonplace nowadays to turn on the television and hear of a
professional athlete who has torn the anterior cruciate ligament or ACL. I am
sure most of you reading this article know of someone who has injured or torn
an ACL.
The ACL is the most commonly injured ligament and one of the most
common injuries in the world of sports. ACL injuries are four to eight times
more common in female athletes than their male counterparts.Although most
injuries tend to be sport specific, there has been much focus and research
on ACL injuries in female athletes. Several mechanisms and reasons have
been proposed for this difference.These include hormonal factors, anatomical
factors, and neuromuscular factors. This article will attempt to answer some
common questions regarding ACL injuries in female athletes.
What is the ACL?
The ACL is one of four major ligaments that help support the knee.The
ACL sits in a notch in the middle of the knee along with the posterior cruciate
ligament (PCL).The other ligaments are the medial collateral ligament (MCL)
and the lateral collateral ligament (LCL). The other stabilizers of the knee
include the various muscles in the deep pelvis or core and the muscles that
surround the knee joint.The ACL connects the tibia (shin bone) to the femur
(thigh bone). Its function is to prevent the tibia from sliding forward. It also helps
provide stability at varying angles throughout the knee range of motion.
How Do I Know if I’ve Injured my ACL?
Many ACL injuries occur as a result of a non-contact maneuver such
as landing from a jump or turning to change directions while running.There is
a very high likelihood that an athlete has injured her ACL if a “pop” is felt and
immediate pain and swelling occur. The knee may also feel unstable and may
sometimes “shift” with certain maneuvers.The knee may also feel like it “gives
out” at times.
How Are ACL Injuries Diagnosed?
Most ACL injuries can be diagnosed by a physician performing a
thorough physical examination. An MRI can also be helpful. Many times, other
areas of the knee can be injured at the same time as the ACL.The meniscus, or
shock absorbing cartilage, or the collateral ligaments can also be torn at the
same time as the ACL injury occurs.
Dr. Brian Blair
Why Do Women Tear Their ACL More Than Men?
Several factors have been proposed to explain this. Some of these
have been proven to be true and some are just theory. Certain hormone
levels have been shown to increase the laxity of ligaments during the
menstrual cycle. There is much debate on whether or not this leads to an
increase in ACL injuries.The anatomic factors related to the diameter of the
ligament itself and the size of the notch in the knee where it resides also
play a role. The neuromuscular factors involve the unconscious control of
our muscles.This has been proven to be an extremely important factor that
helps prevent ACL injuries in female athletes.The control and strengthening
of the muscle of the deep pelvis (core) as well as the muscles of the lower
extremity are of critical importance to preventing and rehabilitating the
ACL injured knee.
Can ACL Injuries be Prevented?
The concept of neuromuscular training has been developed to help
prevent ACL injuries from occurring. This process involves teaching your
body better habits in order to achieve better knee stability.These programs
help promote core strengthening and teaches the athlete proper ways of
landing, jumping, and pivoting.There have been numerous studies that have
demonstrated a significant decrease in ACL injuries in athletes when these
programs are instituted.
Can I Return to My Sport of Choice if I've Injured My ACL?
Not every ACL injury needs an operation. Several factors, including
patient age, activity level, patient expectations and ability to follow a strict
rehabilitation program are all important factors when considering surgical
intervention. As surgical techniques and rehabilitation techniques improve,
most athletes can expect to return to their sport of choice. More than 90
percent of athletes are able to return to their pre-injury level of activity.
Dr. Brian Blair is an Orthopedic Surgeon and Sports Medicine Specialist with
McLeod Orthopaedic Specialists. Dr. Blair and his wife, Ruthie, live in Florence.To
schedule an appointment with Dr. Blair, call McLeod Orthopaedic Specialists, a
member of McLeod Physician Associates, at 843-777-7900.
115 4/22/09 2:30 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 115

THIS MOTHER’S DAY

CELEBRATE
HER EVERY THURSDAY
AT 4:30PM
331 S. Jones Rd. • Olanta, SC 29114 (Hwy. 301)

Does the economy have a grip on your wallet?

Then let us turn your junk into Quick Cash!
Don't have the time to haul it to us?
We will come get it, sell it and have your check in the mail Friday morning.
Don't want to wait until Thursday to sell?
We will buy it on the spot!
We specialize in estates, coins, guns and real-estate
To View Photos, Visit auctionzip.com
Contact Randy Floyd at 843-589-0024
Sunday, May 10t h or paulbunyan38@yahoo.com
All Items sold, As Is Where no warranties or guarantees expressed of Implied. Payment must be made in the
form good checks and cash. Out of state buyers paying with a check must have a bank letter of guarantee for
the day of the sale. There will be a 10% buyer's fee on all items purchased. A $35.00 fee will be added to all
NSF returned checks. There will be concessions on the day of the sale. There are restrooms on site.
JEWELER’S AND SILVERSMITH’S The terms and conditions of the auction may or may not be published in this listing.
ALL TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND OTHER ANNOUNCEMENTS MADE THE DAY OF THE AUC-
1615 W. Palmetto Street • Florence TION ARE BINDING AND TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER ANY INFORMATION FOUND HEREIN.
665-6410 • Monday-Friday 10-6 • Saturday 10-4
116 4/27/09 11:24 AM Page 1

I f y o u h a d t o b e “MOM” f o r a w e e k , w h a t i s t h e o n e t h i n g
that you think you would struggle with the most?

“The thing that would be most difficult for me is the lack of recognition. The majority of what a
mom does is thankless and unrecognized. Men have no idea how hard the work really is that
moms do – coordinating family schedules, meeting deadlines, working at home, working at work,
going to meetings, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, entertaining, being a nurse, taking care of
the laundry, shopping, paying the bills, keeping up extended family relations, being a counselor,
going to baseball games, doing homework and so much more. Plus, all this doesn’t even include
any time just for her!”

Bill Travis
Florence

“My biggest struggle

would be keeping up
with all the house
chores!”

Mack Bryant
“My biggest struggle would Florence
be staying with them every
minute, all day. I have four-
year-old twin girls. Need I
say more?”

Shawn Parritt
Dillon
“Cooking nutritious
meals every day to
make sure they eat
something other than
junk food.”

Carl Goodson
Darlington
117 4/27/09 2:19 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 117

l Print
Anima
res!
Pedicu
118 4/23/09 2:26 PM Page 1

Mother,
Mary by Paige Thomas

M any of us recently celebrated Easter. This time of year is as magical to me as Christmas. Along
with the world coming alive again in beautiful spring colors, we are reminded that we can, too. The
spiritual message of Easter offers new life and hope. The traditions surrounding it bring families
together, children dressed in the most beautiful colors and clothes and in anticipation of the fun
and food and baskets of delight they will find. The joy of the season is contagious.
Part of the wonder of the Easter message is that when the colors fade and days come
when things don’t seem so bright, our Savior remains the same. The things that come into our lives
that are heartbreaking or difficult do not change who He is and He promises to never leave us. His
words remind us that because He came to earth for a time and lived as we have, He is a Savior who
has been touched by everything known to man and now lives to pray for you and me.
As I thought about the comfort that Christ brings – knowing that He has lived and under-
stands the troubles of life and desires to walk with me through each of them offering His wisdom,
strength, patience and love – I thought of his mother, Mary. As a young girl, Mary faced some diffi-
cult challenges. I don’t know if we consider, often enough, the humility and strength and grace of the
one that was called to carry His life.
I am not sure whether or not Mary actually fell in love with Joseph; in those times, I know
there were many arranged marriages. I do know that she was betrothed (or engaged) to become his
wife. I am sure that she anticipated the day of her wedding celebration, as most young brides will,
and had begun to plan just the way she (or her parents) wanted it to be. Before all those ideas
could manifest, Mary found herself in the presence of an angel, who told her that she would become
pregnant miraculously and would give birth to the Savior of the world.
Aside from all the mysticism and spiritual meaning of what was happening, Mary had many
physical and cultural things that could have robbed her of her joy and peace – and even security. No one
would believe that she had not been promiscuous and unfaithful to Joseph. How would she be able to face
her parents? Society and the law would want to stone her. Would even Joseph remain by her side? We read
the story and find that Mary pondered all these things.
Mary was one whose heart wanted to follow after God and she rejoiced in the calling and the plan.
Little did she know the path that this would take. As the story unfolds and God’s plan is carried out, Mary
experienced much as the mother of Jesus. She gave birth in the lowliest of surroundings, far away from her
family; but, the stars and the angels were rejoicing. In her heart, she carried the knowledge that this Child was
of God and had a purpose. She knew His life was a gift and although there would be much she would not
understand along the way, these things were somehow meant to be.
Mary watched her Child grow physically and spiritually. She and others, at times, were astounded at His
wisdom. Yet, there were also times when she witnessed Him being ridiculed and mocked. Leaders in the syna-
gogue did not understand Him, nor did members of His own family. Through the years, she would watch others with
the desire for power and authority try to strip Him of dignity with false accusations and beatings. Along with others
who loved Him, she would, one day, have to watch Him carry His own cross up a hill and be crucified among thieves
and strangers.
When I think about Mary’s life and when I have watched movies that portrayed her character during these events,
my heart is torn. Only a mother’s heart can understand some of her thoughts and feelings. As an unwed mother, I am
sure she experienced fear and doubt. As the life of Jesus unfolded, I know there were times when she felt inadequate for
the task. As she watched Him being tortured and crucified, I can imagine her own pain was unbearable.
We have to endure some of the same things we have seen in Mary – the joy of seeing our child’s wisdom or the
pain of ridicule. There are those times when our child just doesn’t fit in with others and needs to be understood and
loved. There will be situations that require tough choices and the consequences that follow. There are always times when
we experience things that are out of our – and our child’s – control, such as sickness, injuries and even death.
When we experience the trials, we need to remember that we have a Savior who, in His humanness, was touched
by every calamity known to man and is praying. We also need to remember Mary. She is an illustration to each of us
that motherhood is a calling that isn’t always easy; but, it is a calling with a purpose and a plan. As she did on the day the
angel came to her with the news, we should make a conscious choice about accepting the responsibility. To accept that
responsibility is to accept it with joy and awe that the life we carry is a gift and has a purpose designed by God. There
will be many times when we don’t understand the purposes and reasons and times when we feel inadequate to the task,
but we trust and know it is all somehow meant to be.
This article is dedicated to achoice2m8k, a crisis pregnancy center becoming a reality in the Pee Dee area. If you need assistance or
would like to support the ministry it provides, you may contact the director at achoice2m8k@gmail.com or 843-669-4673.

Paige Thomas lives in Florence with her husband, Joey. She has three grown sons and four stepchildren.
She is a Creative Partner for Initials, Inc. and also works with the new Center for the Child at Francis Marion University.
119 4/24/09 12:54 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 119

Shirley’s Balloons & Flowers

106 W. Main Street • Lake City • 843-374-5725
Large Selection
of Handbags!
•Lotions
•Perfumes
•Colognes
•Soaps
•Candy
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• Tulips
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• Garden Baskets
Arranged Roses
• Red Roses
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Mother’s Day • Ecadorian Roses
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Place orders by:
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Selection of 843.374.5725
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Come see our large selection of gifts & meet our friendly Staff: Shirley & April!

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We can special order extra small or

extra large sizes & special colors.
Women’s matching purses &
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120 4/27/09 11:23 AM Page 1

MY FAMILY: Father, Robbie Hart; Brother, Josh

HIGH SCHOOL: Darlington High School

COLLEGE: Florence-Darlington Technical College, with plans to

graduate in 2011

ATTRACTION: Since I wanted to stay around Darlington after I

graduated from high school and because I’m not into huge
universities, I thought FDTC would be a good school for me.

FAVORITE SUBJECT: Biology

RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. . . . I knew I wanted to work in

the medical field, but I didn’t know how to do that without a lot of
patient activity (I hate to admit it, but I’m really not a people-person).
Then, I found out about Medical Laboratory Technology and by the
eleventh grade, I was pretty certain about what I wanted to do.

MAJOR: Medical Laboratory Technology

DREAM JOB: Anything that meant I could shop for a living

MAJOR VERSUS DREAM JOB: My major doesn’t help with my dream

job, but a girl can always dream.

FURTHER EDUCATION PLANS: I don’t know what I’ll want two

years down the road. It’s a possibility I will further my education.

WORK: I was always told that school is my job.

AS A COLLEGE STUDENT . . . I have learned to study and make

good grades. When I started college, I was worried because I never
really tried my hardest in high school; therefore, I didn’t make the
best grades.

IF I COULD DO ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY . . . I would have started

making an effort in school a long time ago.

MY SCHEDULE: Right now, my schedule is not that hectic. I’m very

grateful for that because finals are coming up and I need all the time I
can get to study.

PLANS FOR THE SUMMER: I plan on getting a part-time job and

saving money so I can take an exciting trip at the end of the summer
before I begin the fall semester.

Anna Hart lives in Darlington with her father, Robbie, and brother,
Josh. Her beloved mom,Teresa, is deceased.
121 4/23/09 3:48 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 121

Sweet Escape! Uterine Fibroids

Symptoms Uterine Fibroids are benign
(noncancerous) tumors that grow on
• Very heavy menstrual or within the muscle tissue of the
bleeding some times
uterus. Approximately 20-40% of
with clots
women 35 years and older have
• Pelvic pain or pressure fibroid tumors. Fibroids are more
leading to constipation
common among women of African-
and/or urinary frequency
American descent.
• Anemia - resulting in
fatigue due to low blood
count
• Enlarged abdomen
If you are experiencing any of
these symptoms, you may be a
candidate for Uterine Fibroid
Embolization (UFE). UFE is a
minimally invasive procedure
designed to block the blood
supply to these tumors resulting in
Pattie Hudson resolution of symptoms and
shrinkage of the tumors. Recovery
Director and Independent Consultant
time is usually less than one week.
Opportunities Available
For more information about
901-B Santiago Rd UFE, please contact :
Florence, SC
(843) 617-2902
Contact me for details!

Mary Beth Lewis, MD

www.beautipage.com/bc-pattie-party Florence Radiological Associates 843-777-8893
122 4/22/09 4:30 PM Page 1
I DID NOT Sign
Up For This!
(When Motherhood isn’t the destination you first imagined!)
Just yesterday, I found myself literally racing through the local Wal Mart, trying
to scoop up everything on my list and make it to the school car line in time! Frightened
children and bewildered adults scurried to get out of my path so as not to risk life and
limb. Upon reaching the finish line (checkout lane), I let out a loud “Whoo hoo!”, only
to glance up at the other 45 frenzied mothers trying to make their deadlines, too! This
is just one tiny example of the face that I was no more prepared for being a Mom than
the AIG execs were prepared for taking part in the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Here are just a few of the unforeseen bombshells.
Madness: Sometimes this “motherhood thing” is pure-ty madness, I tell ‘ya. I
look around and simply wonder WHAT has become of my sane, once-predictable life.
Since God made all three of my little darlings completely unique, there is never a lack of
variance to each day’s events. I scamper around between music lessons, drama practice,
softball tournaments, doctor appointments, dentist adventures, birthday parties, sleep-
overs, field trips, church activities and play dates - all the while sloshing juice boxes and
happy meals as I go. If I’m in a particularly culinary mood, I hurl pizza slices to the back
seat with a hail Mary pass that would make any Heisman candidate jealous.
Mayhem: Should you ever come to visit my apartment complex, you won’t
need to bother asking which unit is mine. Just listen for us. On any given day, you will
hear my two little angel daughters singing the most heavenly cherub duet you ever did hear!
That is, unless you come on a day when they happen to be SCREAMING unloveliness at
each other.‘Cause that happens, too. Oh, and be sure to listen for Jonathan’s “one man
band.” He constantly rotates between his keyboard, trumpet, recorder, flute, tam-
bourine, harmonica and cymbals. His drum set and tuba are in storage until we can get
a house. Right about now, you’re thanking God that you don’t live above or below us,
aren’t you? The craziest thing about all this mayhem is that I am now entirely accus-
tomed to it. I am writing this article in the midst of it all and haven’t missed a
beat. Why? ‘Cause I’m a MOM, that’s why!
Melatonin Deficit: Melatonin, that all-important component in
our body that causes our circadian rhythm to be in line for proper
sleep. Forget the herbs, I just need my babies to sleep so that I
can sleep! I am such a nice person until I don’t get enough
rest. Really.That first year of motherhood, I stumbled
around in a sleep-deprived stupor, wondering where
my “pleasant, cheerful, lighthearted, outgoing personality”
had wandered off to! Yes, on many occasions during the
past 15 years of my parenting quest, I have seriously
pondered the possibility of having Galatians 5:22,23 tat-
tooed to my nose so as not to forget them. “But the Holy
Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-
control.” I can’t help but notice that God didn’t add the escape clause,
“except for when you haven’t had enough sleep.” Bummer.
Messes: I never saw this one coming. Blind-sided me by a country
mile! Kids are so dreadfully messy.We’re not
talkin’ about the cute little “baby food
carrots on the face” messy, or the
particularly endearing “first birthday
cake slathered all over the
cheeks” messy. No, moms. You
know the messes of which I
speak. (You Daddies who have a
weak stomach might want to skip
this section. Don’t say I didn’t warn
you). How about the time that I found one of my
little ones in her crib (who shall remain nameless to pro-
tect the guilty) showing off her artistic abilities on the wall? With some-
thing she had created in her diaper. Oh yeah. Let the games begin! Then there was the
time that my special little guy was in the midst of potty training and had an accident at
the top of the fast food play place. He gleefully “left a trail” all the way down the slide,
BY MELODIE GRIFFIN
and guess who had to climb up there and clean it up? Those are the times when I feel
like yelling “MOM! Help!” Then I mournfully remember that I am the mom and must find
the fortitude to begin cleaning.
Talk about rude awakenings. I was not expecting any of those things! But oh,
motherhood has brought along its share of breathtaking surprises that make it oh-so-
worthwhile!
Multiple spots in my heart: Once I loved my first child with all of my heart, I
worried that I wouldn’t have enough love and attention to give that second child of
mine! God gave me enough love for that second child, and then lo and behold, enough
love for the third one, too. The stars of TLC’s hit show “18 and Counting”, the Duggar
family, continue to be amazed at how God gives them more and more love for each addi-
tion that comes on board. And I thought it was amazing that God gave me enough love
for three!
Music: Both literally and figuratively, these offspring of mine have brought so
much music into my life. Some of the musical moments in my motherhood pilgrimage
include watching my children worship God with abandon, listening to them “kiss and
makeup” - unprompted behind closed doors, the steady cadence of their gentle breath-
ing during a deep sleep.These are a few of my favorite things.
Maturity: I mistakenly assumed that my job as a mother was only that of
“teacher”. Little did I know that I would be “student”, too. Recently, a friend and I were
talking about how worried we were initially that we wouldn’t know everything there is
to know about our children as we mothered them. Little did we know that we would
learn more about ourselves along the way, than about our children! I had a lot of grow-
ing up to do. Still do. But instead of waiting ‘til I was grown up to give me children, God
sneakily used my children to help “grow me up.” He’s so creative that way.
Motivation: My kids make me better. Oh, don’t get
me wrong. Sometimes I choose to let them bring out
the very worst in me! But on those days when I have
focused myself in prayer and God’s Word, I am
motivated to be the very best Mom that they can
have. Little eyes are watching my every move
and will emulate me at every turn. I am so
crazy about this precious lineage of mine and
want to leave a legacy that will motivate THEM to good
works for years and years to come. Hebrews 10:24 is
never far from my thinking, “Let us think of ways to
motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”
This journey of Motherhood has been one shocker
after another. But, hey! I love surprises! Unless, of course,
they involve bodily functions. Then, it’s CLEAN UP
AISLE 4!
Melodie Griffin is a native of the Pee Dee who now lives in the Midlands of SC. She is a writer,
inspirational speaker and musician who thinks that “Mommy” is the best nametag she ever did wear.
WWW.MELODIEGRIFFIN.COM
123 4/22/09 2:42 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 123

Cosmetic Dentistry • Zoom2 • Root Canal Therapy

Crown & Bridge • Veneers • Non-surgical Perio Program

RICHARD L. NASH, D.D.S., P.A.

FAMILY & COSMETIC DENTISTRY
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FLORENCE, SC • 665-4477

Call today & see how

your smile can change.
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Most Insurance Accepted & Processed
124 4/24/09 1:02 PM Page 1

.Shopping List
For Two Servings

4 slices of cinnamon raisin bread

2 teaspoons of sugar
1/4 cup of cream cheese spread
8 slices of thin sliced ham 2 tablespoons of maple-flavored
2 eggs or pancake syrup
2 tablespoons of milk

Directions
1. Spread cream cheese onto two of the bread slices
2. Top with ham
3. Cover with the remaining two bread slices
4. Lightly press the edges of the sandwiches together to seal
5. Beat the eggs, milk and sugar with a fork in a pie plate or square
baking dish until well blended
6. Dip the sandwiches in the egg mixture, turning them over
to evenly moisten both sides
7. Spray a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray
8. Heat on medium heat
9. Add sandwiches
10. Cook two minutes on each side or until golden brown on both sides
11. Serve with syrup

From the kitchen of Laurie Crouse

Stuffed French Toast
Just in time for Mother’s Day
Breakfast in Bed!
A serving suggestion is to serve the Stuffed French
Toast with yogurt, layered with granola and fresh fruit.
Don’t forget the coffee and orange juice.
I am truly honored to provide a recipe for She
Magazine’s Mother’s Day issue. I went through tons of
recipes and I kept coming back to Stuffed French Toast
because the ingredients are
accessible and anyone can make it.

Laurie Crouse and her husband, John, live in Florence. They have a son, Rivers.
She opened Top Hat Special-Teas nine years ago. It was her dream and certainly where God intended for her to be.
125 4/23/09 11:08 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 125

“Over the past couple of years, we have had quite a few of our advertisers inquire about paying their accounts
via credit card. I knew this was something She Magazine needed to do for our clients, but after inquiring with a few com-
panies, I became overwhelmed by all the options and neglected making a decision. Richard Marsh sat
down with me and explained the options available and helped me decide on a credit card system that
best suited our business. It was obvious that he cared about my business and wanted to make the
process easy.
Since then, many of our advertisers have taken advantage of the convenience of pay-
ing with a credit card. It has been a very positive move for my business and I am happy to
recommend Richard Marsh and Atlantic Merchant Services.”
- Melia Berry, Editor & Publisher, She Magazine
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126 4/28/09 10:35 AM Page 1

She sent a deserving mother

of three for
a DAY OF PAMPERING
at Forum Spa
in Florence
“Lisa’s Spa Day started with a
Customized Age Smart Facial with our
Esthetician, Kimberly Smith. From the
Dermalogica Face Mapping, Kimberly
determined that Lisa had sensitive skin
with redness, minor dehydration and fine
Lisa Capps lines. The Dermalogica Age Smart Skin
Care line was used to cleanse and
hydrate the skin. Due to Lisa’s sensitivity, Kim per-
formed zone microdermabrasion in problem areas
only. Lisa then received an hour full-body massage
with warm towels and a Forum Spa Signature
Manicure and Pedicure, which includes an exfoliation
and massage.” - Landra Bracey

“I was so excited about going to Forum Spa. When I got there, Elana was really
nice. I almost didn’t know how to act; I’m really not used to being waited on.
My first stop was the lounge. I got into my robe and spa shoes and enjoyed
some cucumber water. The lounge was very comfortable and relaxing. Then, I
received a facial. It was incredible!” I enjoyed every moment of it. It was my
first facial and now I can’t wait for another one. The massage was next, which
was so peaceful. Last, but not least, I received a pedicure and manicure. I
haven’t had my nails painted in forever. I rarely take the time to do it myself, so
getting it done was such a great treat. Everyone at Forum Spa was so nice.
They made me feel very welcome and pampered. I also want to thank
She Magazine for this just-what- I-needed experience. It was truly a blessing!”
- Lisa Capps

Lisa Capps lives in Marion, where she teaches school at Marion Intermediate.
She and her husband, Len, have two children, Emily and Caleb.

E-mail your beauty questions or suggestions for a topic that you would like to know more about to editor@shemagazine.com. Include “Beauty Buzz” as the subject.
127 4/24/09 10:37 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 127

Actual Patients

AMERICAN SOCIETY OF
Helping Mothers
PLASTIC SURGEONS, INC.
and Daughters
feel and look
their best.

Happy Mother’s Day

from
Griffin Plastic Surgery.

513 S. Dargan Street • Florence, SC

(843) 664-1122

Caring for Hospice

Patients in the Pee Dee
since 1979

Caring.
Comfort.
Compassion.
These three words describe the mission of MeLeod Hospice - to provide compassionate care and
support for patients with a terminal illness and their families. Patients and their loved ones need a dedicated
medical team during times of critical illness. McLeod Hospice is ready to provide that support.

1203 East Cheves St. • Florence, SC

843-777-2564 • www.mcleodhospice.org
128 4/27/09 3:12 PM Page 1

128 • May 2009 • She Magazine

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Hd! L]n LdjaYcÉi Ndj HeZcY Ndjg BdcZn Dc 6 8Zgi^ÒZY EgZ"DlcZY 7BL4 7^\ BdcZn LZaa"HeZci

IMPORTS OF FLORENCE at Newsome Automotive

2199 David McLeod Blvd., Florence • www.importsofflorence.com • 800-784-8193

205 Kelly St.

Lake City, SC
843-394-1494

104 N. MacArthur Ave

Dillon, SC
843-774-9243

1970 E.Hwy 76
Marion, SC
843-423-2492

62 Public Square
Darlington, SC
843-395-2252

2151F W. Evans St.

Florence, SC
843-662-0971
129 4/23/09 3:38 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 129

Photography Originals
by David Marcum
843-389-9266

Tea Party Time

Studio Pond area- City here?
May 15th and 16th
Shannons Salon & Tanning, 1033 Pearl St. Darlington, SC.
May 29th and 30th
Now Booking Beach and White on White at Cottontails Children’s Boutique
Call Studio for appointment and details.

Outdoor photography at it's finest.

Dcan EgZ"DlcZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco i]Vi XVc eVhh i]Z iZhi d[ fjVa^in! hV[Zin! YjgVW^a^in VcY gZa^VW^a^in XVc WZ 8Zgi^ÒZY! VcY XVc dcan WZ YdcZ Wn Vc Vji]dg^oZY
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b^aZV\Z dg i^bZ ^h gZbV^c^c\ dc i]Z dg^\^cVa cZl kZ]^XaZ lVggVcin d[ ) nZVgh! *%!%%% b^aZh# CZl dlcZgh d[ i]ZhZ ZmXZei^dcVa kZ]^XaZh ]VkZ i]Z deedgijc^in
id ejgX]VhZ VYY^i^dcVa iZgb! je id ') bdci]h# Dcan Vc Vji]dg^oZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco 9ZVaZg XVc XZgi^[n VcY hZaa 8Zgi^ÒZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco#
6c VYY^i^dcVa WZcZÒi½#BZgXZYZh 7Zco ;^cVcX^Va d[[Zgh heZX^Va adl ÒcVcXZ gViZh dc 8Zgi^ÒZY EgZ"DlcZY kZ]^XaZh!
ejgX]VhZY Vi Vc Vji]dg^oZY BZgXZYZh"7Zco 9ZVaZgh]^e#
Hd### L]n LdjaYcÉi Ndj 7jn 6 8Zgi^ÒZY EgZ"DlcZY BZgXZYZh 7Zco4

NEWSOME AUTOMOTIVE
2199 David McLeod Blvd., Florence • www.newsomeautomotive.com • 800-810-9486
130 4/27/09 2:14 PM Page 1

by Ferebe Gasque

The OTHER
side of
MOTHERHOOD

Rhonda Johnson
It is the dream of almost every little girl to grow up, get married, have chil- Dr. Tatum referred the Johnsons to a fertility specialist in Columbia, who
dren, and live happily ever after. It was no different for Rhonda Aylor. After a happy
informed them the only option was in vitro. After much thought and prayer, Rhonda and
childhood, she went to school and became a nurse. When a mutual friend introduced
David decided that this was the way and the time. William Grant Johnson was born on
Rhonda to David Johnson, part of her dream came true. They got married when
April 21, 2006. Grant is now a happy, healthy three-year old.
Rhonda was thirty-one. The new Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were living in Indianapolis at the
Rhonda is a nurse with Pee Dee Cardiology and loves her job. Her primary
time and later moved to northwest Indiana. After they got settled in their new home,
job, however, is being a mother. She and David are grateful to God for blessing them
the almost-newlyweds decided it was time to pursue the next part of that dream – chil-
with the responsibility of raising Grant into being the man he was designed to be.
dren. After all, they weren’t getting any younger. And, as a nurse, Rhonda knew that
older parents have a greater risk of bearing children with life-long challenges. One of the supports upon which Rhonda has depended since moving to

After six months of unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant, the Johnsons tried
medication interventions. Unfortunately, that did not yield the desired results, either.
Rhonda and David were referred to a fertility specialist in Chicago. Hoping this was
the answer to their prayers, they followed through. After intense testing, it was deter-
mined that there was no apparent reason Rhonda was unable to become pregnant.
They were not interested in adoption nor in vitro fertilization (IVF) at that time. So they
returned home to northern Indiana, still wanting children but not knowing how nor
when that might happen for them. They were secure in their faith that God was in
charge; however, they still harbored the unfulfilled dream in their hearts.
About a year later, in February of 2004, the Johnsons moved to Florence
where David accepted a position with the Morning News. Rhonda wanted to maintain
the best possible health. She still had not given up hope of having a child, either. So,
after researching information on local doctors, she made an appointment with Dr.
Tatum, who ordered an ultrasound. The test determined that Rhonda had PolyCystic
Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Now she at least had an explanation as to why it had been
so difficult for her to become pregnant.
Ferebe Gasque is the Music Therapist at McLeod Hospice House, a Service Coordinator with Florence County DSN Board and an Independent Consultant with the Pampered Che f . ®
I n her spare time, she follows orders from her feline children with whom she lives in Florence.
Florence is Hannah’s Heart. While this is a ministry of Central United Methodist
Church, Hannah’s Heart is open to anyone in the area who is dealing with the pain and
struggles of infertility. Rhonda continues to be involved with this group as a facilitator.
She feels very strongly that the only way to survive this experience is to maintain hope
and to allow others to support you.
Rhonda and David are blessed to have supportive families and a supportive
group of friends. They are a part of a church that has reached out to minister to
those who are having similar experiences. Some are not so privileged. However,
Hannah’s Heart would love to be that support for any who are in need.
The group meets on the fourth Thursday of each month in the Moody Parlor
at Central United Methodist Church (corner of Cheves and Irby Streets) in Florence.
Rhonda encourages everyone with questions to contact Meg Jiunnies, Director of
Spiritual Gifts and Congregational Care at Central. Meg can be reached at the church
at 843.662.3218.
131 4/27/09 11:29 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 131

12:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

McLeod Health Foundation

PO Box 100551
Florence, SC 29502-0551
(843) 777- 2694

Online gifts can be made at

www.McLeodFoundation.org
132 4/27/09 1:44 PM Page 1

She has to have it!

Our Favorite “Must-Haves” for Mother’s Day...

“These earrings are glamourous, yet

precious and will go with any color or style.
I’m a mom-on-the-go so these are just perfect
for me. ”
~Tuesday Taylor She Magazine General Manager

“This handy laptop case is the perfect

accessory for any traveling mom.”
~Ashley Rogers, She Magazine Graphic Designer
Dichroic Glass Jewelry
by Barbara Mellen
The Earring Lady, Florence

Thymes Bath
and Body
Products
Porter’s Gift
Shop, Polka dot laptop case, also available
Florence in giraffe and zebra print!
Monograms by Gail, Scraton

“Drawn from nature,” these bath products are environmentally friendly and
smell fabulous. Everyone who knows me knows I LOVE bath products.
I can’t wait to try these. ~Melia Berry, She Magazine Editor/Publisher
133 4/23/09 3:41 PM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 133

Proverbs 3:5-6

WHAT: Love Notes Benefit - in honor of the Slaughenhoupt family

Join us for a chicken bog dinner and a concert featuring the

Florence Symphony Orchestra, Florence Little Theatre
Singers, Masterworks Choir, Borrowed Time and more!

WHERE: Church at Sandhurst

1140 Third Loop Road, Florence

WHEN: Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dinner served: 5:30-7:00
Concert: 7:30-9:00

HOW MUCH: tickets: $25 per person

MORE INFO: For more information,

call the Florence Symphony Orchestra office at 661-2541.
Tickets may be purchased at Woofers
2420 Hoffmeyer Road in Florence (669-8828).

• Total Orthopedic Care • Interventional Pain Management

• Total Joint Replacement • Physical Medicine
• Sports Medicine • Sports Related Injures
• Spine Surgery • Fracture Care
• Non-Operative Spine Center • All Disorders of Bones, Joints
• Occupational Therapy and Tendons
• Minimally Invasive Surgery

Pee Dee Orthopaedic Associates, PA

Pee Dee Spine Center
901 East Cheves Street 843-662-5233 1580 Freedom Blvd.
Suite 100 Florence, SC Suite 100
www.pdoa.com
134 4/22/09 4:18 PM Page 1
Art&
Soul
Coming this September 18,
the soap opera world will be shining a little less
brightly in TV land. I’m sure you’ve all heard. The
long-running CBS show, Guiding Light is flipping
the switch and turning off the bright beam that
brought us the intimate details of the Bauer,
Spaulding, Cooper and Lewis families.
The show has been around for a total of
72 years. It started as a 15-minute radio show in
1937, moving to television in 1952. GL is consid-
ered the longest-running TV drama in the
Guinness Book of World Records.
I remember my mom planning her ironing
around the “Light.” I would come in the house
from playing in the yard and find my mother
starching and pressing my dad’s shirts while simul-
taneously commenting on the antics of
Springfield’s finest. I knew better than to interrupt
her while she was catching up on Dr. Banning and
Maggie Scott.
I went through a time when I watched
“Guiding Light” and other soaps with my friends in
college. It was the thing to do to meet between
classes and get together to eat and talk and laugh
at the wild escapades of the soap opera charac-
ters. That was about the time that Kevin Bacon
was on the show.That I remember.
A woman named, Irna Phillips created the
GL series. Phillips is also considered the “mother”
of daytime drama, having being responsible for a
whole new television genre.
Phillips based the show on personal expe-
riences.After giving birth to a stillborn baby at age
19, she found spiritual comfort listening to the
radio sermons of Chicago preacher, Preston
Sharman Poplava is president of the Greater Hartsville Chamber of Commerce. Her e-mail is president@hartsvillechamber.org.
I suggest “Give God the Glory! Let Your Light So Shine” by Kevin Wayne Johnson for this month’s recommended read.
Let Your Light
So Shine
Bradley.As a tribute to him, she created GL around
her fictional character of Reverend John
Ruthledge.
In the beginning of the show's run,
Reverend Ruthledge always left a lamp burning in
his study overnight, as a beacon or "guiding light"
for friends, family, and strangers.
My “guiding light” and inspiration is my
mom. She’s always ready to listen to me when I
need someone to talk to and sort things out. She
has a shoulder to cry on and wise words to offer
when I feel as if I’ve hit bottom, and she shouts the
loudest when I have something to celebrate. She’s
always been my biggest supporter believing in me
when I didn’t believe in myself.
We talk on the phone almost every day.
We laugh. We share the daily events of life.
Important things as well as the,“I just found a great
deal on strawberries” things. She’s my best friend.
My mom doesn’t watch Guiding Light any-
more. She’s too busy with other things to fashion
her day around daytime TV. And my dad is retired
and at home, so they are sharing their days togeth-
er.
And she doesn’t starch and iron my dad’s
shirts anymore either. If daddy needs starched
shirts, mom is liable to hand him the iron and the
ironing board and head out with a girlfriend.
She’d be surprised to know that she’s my
guiding light- that I have been listening to her all
these years. She’d also be surprised to know that I
hope to be like her some day.
I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m still
working on it.
by Sharman Poplava
May Calendar
of Events
THIS MONTH’S CAN’T MISS BIG TICKET . . .
It’s the Spoleto Festival hands down this month. If you’ve been
before, then you know why it’s this month’s big ticket. If you
haven’t gone to Spoleto even once in your life, then shame on
you!
The festival is one of the nation’s biggest arts events
and it just happens to be located a few miles down the road in
our very own Charleston. It has everything- theatre, dance,
readings and music for all tastes. And speaking of tastes, you
simply can’t go hungry in Charleston.
There are ticketed events- so call now they sell out
fast.There are also free events, so money is no excuse. Besides,
who can resist a road trip to Charleston in the spring?!
Spoleto Festival USA 2009 in Charleston, SC from
Fri., May 22- Sun., June 7. Events all over town.
MUSIC
“HMS Pinafore”- presented by the Florence Symphony
Orchestra on Mon. May 4 at 8pm at the Florence Civic
Center.
Southeastern Bluegrass Association of South Carolina’s
monthly Bluegrass Concert and Jam Session at Lynches River
County Park, Coward on Sat., May 2 from 5-9pm.
DANCE
Palmetto Ballroom Dance Club monthly dance at the
Leatherman Senior Center, Florence on Fri., May 8. Lesson
from 7:30pm - 8:30pm and Open Dance from 8:30pm -
10:45pm.
THEATRE
“Deathtrap”- presented by the Hartsville Community Players
on Sat. and Sun. May 2 and 3 at the Center Theatre,
Hartsville.
“Peter Pan” presented by the Florence Little Theatre
through Sat., May 2.
FESTIVALS
17th Annual Marion Foxtrot Festival in downtown Marion
and Fox Field on Sat., May 16 from 9am-10pm.
EXHIBITS
“Turner to Cézanne” on view at the Columbia Museum of
Art, Columbia through Sun., June 7.This is the first time this
exhibit has been to the U.S. It includes some Monet, Renoir
and Van Gogh. It’s a beautiful exhibit and the Columbia
Museum is easy to get around.
135 4/28/09 11:30 AM Page 1

She Magazine • May 2009 • 135

Special Events,

STAY HERE... Bed & Breakfast,

Tours & More

The Grove For Reservations call

843.423.5220
or visit
The Inn on Harlee–Marion, SC www.montgomerysgroveinn.com

GO THERE! (Plan a “staycation” or mother/daughter getaway!)

These are just a few of K a l m i a G a rd e n s

the attractions that

await! Ask us or
visit our website for
BROOKGREEN GARDENS THE STRAND
more ideas!
HARTSVILLE

GEORGETOWN

SHOPPING AT THE BEACH

136 4/27/09 5:00 PM Page 1

who’s
that
girl?

Family: Parents, Melia Berry and Craig Tucker;

Stepdad, Rodney Berry; Brothers, Joshua and Jacob, Favorite Movie:
Stepbrother, Zachary; Our doggy, Ruck-Ruck Rear Window
School: Senior at Marion High School by Alfred Hitchcock

Accomplishments: Student Body

President; Editor of School Newspaper, Fox Tales; Favorite Book:
Member of the Yearbook Staff and the School
Improvement Council; Who’s Who Among A Bride Most Begrudging
Outstanding Students; Voted “Most by Deeanne Gist
Unforgettable” by the Senior Class of 2009

One Word that Dreams for the Future:

I plan to attend The University
Describes Me: of South Carolina and major in
Fashion Merchandising.
Unique I hope to one day own my own
boutique and design a line of
If I Could Have One clothing.

Superpower, It Would Be:

I’ve always been intrigued by The coolest person I know is . . .
My momma because she’s the
Wonder Woman’s Lasso of
strongest, most creative, hardworking,
Truth, so . . . beautiful woman I know. Plus, she can
Most Important To Me In Life: moonwalk and cook better than
Paula Deen.
My relationship with Jesus Christ,
my family and friends – and finding Quote I Live By:
a good sale “A girl should be two things: classy
and fabulous.” - Coco Chanel
Favorite TV Shows:
The Golden Girls, My favorite thing to do while just
What Not to Wear and hanging out is . . . watching old movies
Deadliest Catch (anything with Joan Crawford, Sophia Loren
or Cary Grant).
Favorite Song:
I think the world would
My favorite song of all time would
have to be “In the Air Tonight” be a better place if...
The Thing I’m Most Proud Of:
by Phil Collins people showed more respect
(only because of the drum solo). The person to themselves, to others and to
I have become our world.
Glossy Page 137 4/21/09 2:01 PM Page 1

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Don’t miss our next “Look Your Best” Seminar on Wed., May 27th at 6pm.
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NOW AVAILABLE FOR THE 1ST TIME IN FLORENCE-

BOOT CAMP FLORENCE

2716 W. Palmetto St • Florence, SC • 843.669.8288

We make fitness fun! Outdoor fitness program designed for ALL fitness levels.
A Total Mind & Body Transformation.
Women Only & Co-ed Programs available. WE GUARANTEE RESULTS!
Space Is Limited, call 669-8288 to register! www.bootcampflorence.com

FREE Cosmetic Reports

Now Available Online!
Go to www.scskin.com
Or call 24 hr hotline at
Kevin M. Sattele, M.D. 800-791-4810.
BE SURE TO ENTER
1611 Hazel Drive • Florence, SC • 843.662.1515 PROMO CODE:
(Just off Cashua Dr. across from Celebration Blvd)
MAY09-SHE!
www.scskin.com
MOTHER’S DAY GIFT CERTIFICATES ARE AVAILABLE FOR ALL SERVICES
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If PAIN
is keeping you
from enjoying
your life...

We can help.

PAIN MANAGEMENT
IS OUR SPECIALTY.

DR. JOSEPH CARTER

DR. STEPHEN TUEL

New
Location Eastern Carolina Medicine
3124 S. Cashua Drive • Florence, SC • 843.665.2600
3/10 of Mile past Celebration Blvd.