Barack

Obama on
CSM Campus!
Tuesday, 9/16
Lockridge Arena
9:30 AM speech

Volume 89, Issue 3 September 15, 2008 Page 3

Geek Week the

Adam Smiley
Senior, E.E.
“I felt [CSM] was a place where I
A New Mines.edu Christianity
could be a dork and it wouldn’t be blog
out of the ordinary.” Page 4 Page 3 now on oredigger.net

ASCSM begins year with ambitious goal set

David Vargas
Staff Writer
The Associated Students of the
Colorado School of Mines held their
first meeting last Thursday; no time
was wasted in laying out an agenda
for the coming year.
Student Body President Kevin
Duffy led the charge by presenting
the council’s priorities. “ASCSM is
focused on providing tangible results
for the students of Mines,” Duffy
said. “With these priorities, we will
be taking the first step in establishing
real solutions.”
The goals included the trans-
formation of Colorado School of
Mines into a more environmentally
sustainable institution. ASCSM’s en-
vironmental priority also suggests
examination of alternative uses of
the Intermodal Transportation Fee
funding, which currently goes toward
student passes for Denver’s RTD
transit system.
ASCSM would also like to insti-
tutionalize the voter registration pro-
cess, in order to “provide leverage in
local Golden politics” according to
several council members. In addi-
tion to these priorities, ASCSM put
forth five additional goals: engage
students in campus events and
make the successes of CSM known
to the broader community; maintain
the transparency of the student
government and its actions; ensure
the accountability of professors,
academic and administrative offices
by publishing campus resources;
work with Public Safety to maintain
communication with the student
body and ensure the recognition of
the student concerns in the use of
the capital construction fee.
The meeting also touched on a
new initiative being spearheaded by
Professor Tom McKinnon; a possible
switch to electronic based evalua-
tions as an effective way to reduce
the paper consumption on campus.
Also on the agenda was the broken
marquee by the Student Center,
which the student government is
planning on having replaced with a
new LCD version capable of playing
movie trailers.
Additionally, an official record
of business from 1993 to 2008 of
ASCSM will soon be available at
Arthur Lakes Library. ASCSM Par-
liamentarian Charles Perko informed
the council that, over the past four
years, he had worked to compile the
historical records.
When asked how he felt the
meeting had meeting went, Duffy
responded, “I couldn’t be prouder
of the hard work the ASCSM council
has done thus far to set the year
of right. Our challenge now lies
in keeping our resolve to achieve
these great tasks we have set upon
ourselves.”

patrick beseda / oredigger

Local businesses hold CSM Academy Steel research and innovation
health and wellness fair Jake Rezac
Staff Writer
of steel. “There are tremendous is-
sues to face,” explained Matlock,
output by a significant margin, was
behind world leaders not very long
Ben Makuh the best,” said Allison. due both to the size of this pipeline ago. This fact points to the changes
Staff Writer Also attending was certified “These are the people we’re and the change in climate across going on in the steel industry and the
massage therapist Wendy Goins talking to – notice they’re all inter- the area through which it will run. ASPPRC in terms of globalization.
“We want to help people real- from Golden Bodyworker, providing national,” commented Dr. David At the ASPPRC, “sponsors rep-
ize how much fun it can be to be information on posture and mas- Matlock during his lecture, “Steel resent companies from all around
healthy,” said Chef Lilly Allison at sage therapy. When asked, Goins Research at the Colorado School By 2015, “six times more the world.” This is very different from
the first annual health fair put on by stressed that massage therapy of Mines and the Impact of Glo- how it was in 1984, when ASPPRC
the Golden Health and Wellness should not be thought of as alter- balization”, on Friday, September high strength steels will began. Not until the late 1990s,
Alliance. native healing, but rather as “com- 12th. The lecture was the first in a when Posco in Korea became a
Last Saturday at Golden Pilates, plimentary to traditional medicine.” series of seminars being brought be used than today” in car sponsor of ASPPRC, did the center
a studio right off of Washington on As she gave a free chair massage, to campus by the CSM Acad- have any international sponsors.
10th street, a group of health profes- she explained that healing really emy, which aims to create an
manufacturing alone This led to a large increase in
sionals gathered together for a fun involves more than just physical “academic town square,” where worldwide sponsorship, and there
and informative morning regarding elimination of a problem. “The body faculty and students can exchange are currently 26 sponsors. These
different aspects of healthy living. is so complex, and we often focus ideas. Dr. Matlock is co-founder Some of the consequences of these partners have helped the center
The eight businesses form the Al- on the physical so much that we and current head of the Advanced issues are “high stress and sig- perform its mission of “concentrating
liance, which was don’t even look at Steel Processing and Products Re- nificant deformation [of the pipeline], on research at the interface between
created one year
ago as a support
“The secret to a good theLater, emotional.”
Allison
search Center at Mines and used and you have to design for strain.” producers and users of steel.”
his lecture to discuss the need Wind turbines were another Sponsors of the ASPPRC are
network for its mem- smoothie is using gave a cooking for steel research as well as how example. The gear boxes inside both users of steel and producers
bers and as a non- demonstration this research affects the ASPPRC. turbines, as well as the actual of it. They range from GM, which
profit organization frozen fruit.” about how easy it is Dr. Matlock began his lecture towers, are mostly made of steel. uses steel in many of its products,
that would help the to make good-tast- with a question which is often pos- Overall, Matlock stressed the to Posco, which is a steel producer.
public learn about health and the ing food. As the attendees sipped ited to him: “Is everything already need for new steel developments. According to Matlock, they are able
maintenance of their bodies. their free peanut butter smoothie known about steel?” His answer Steel developers are trying to cre- to maintain this diversity because
Many of the booths provided samples, Allison explained that “the was a resounding no. According ate corrosion-resistant properties their “success has been with a
free pamphlets and information secret to a good smoothie is using to Matlock, there is still room for for steels. By 2015, “six times more personal attention to the spon-
pertaining to their area of expertise, frozen fruit. Don’t add ice, because advancement and improvement high strength steels will be used than sors.” Matlock doesn’t believe in
as well as small demonstrations of it waters it down.” Goins also gave a in the understanding of steel. One today” in car manufacturing alone. doing business through email. “Per-
services that they could provide. demonstration on posture and how example Matlock gave dealt with Having stressed the importance sonal technology transfer is critical.”
Of particular interest to the college to walk and sit correctly. improved energy usage for products of steel research, Matlock proceeded Although globalization has helped
student, perhaps, was a spread “We want to be part of the com- containing steel. “Steel develop- to discuss the ASPPRC and the steel the ASPPRC gain new sponsorship,
of free samples of food prepared munity,” said Kaycie Rosen, ND, of ments are absolutely critical for industry as a whole. He described the center still faces difficulties.
by Chef Allison, including fruit with Golden Naturopathic Clinic. “We energy development,” Matlock said, how “steel is a ‘growth industry;’” “Consolidation [of steel companies]
honey-vanilla yogurt dip, blueberry love to help people be aware.” As referring to the steel portions of cars. about one hundred million more continues to [provide] new chal-
flax muffins, mini vegetable frittatas, part of that mission, they publish All Another example he gave was tons of steel are used each year. lenges,” said Matlock. This causes
and brochette with raspberry but- Good Medicine, a quarterly newslet- the Rockies Express Pipeline. When Part of the reason for this growth, the center to lose money. However,
ter or peach topping. “There’s this ter aimed at educating people on complete, this pipeline, which will Matlock said, is because China and Matlock explained that there is a
general idea among most people different health-related topics. “We transport natural gas from western many other Asian nations are rapidly “demand for consistent materials
that healthy food tastes bad. It’s want people to be healthier,” said Wyoming to eastern Ohio, will be increasing their steel outputs. China worldwide” in the steel industry,
my goal to change that, because Nancy E. Gill, DDS, and that was 1679 miles long and 42 inches in in particular, which has recently and as long as this is the case,
the healthiest foods can really taste certainly reflected at the health fair. diameter – a total of 1.2 million tons become the world’s leader in steel steel research will be essential.

News - 2 Features - 4 opinion - 9 sports - 10 satire - 9

~headlines ~geek of the week ~principally irked ~men’s soccer ~genius juice
~world News in Brief ~communications center ~“real speak” ~afc shakeup ~Sudoku puzzle
Page 2 n e w s September 15, 2008

Abdullah Ahmed, Asst. Business Manager

Chicago, Illinois: A revolutionary Manchester, England: A new

bionic arm has been created at the study of over 900 children sug-
Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago, gests that children who attend
where the prosthetic arm is con- daycare early on are much less
trolled by the brain. The surgeons likely to develop asthma symptoms
simply attach the nerves that were when growing up. The study also
previously attached to the ampu- suggests that infants who entered
tated arm and reconnect them to daycare before the age of 6 months
the chest muscles, where special are expected to develop temporary
sensors pick up the electrical sig- asthma early in life rather than a
nals from the brain that now thinks long-lasting one in the long run.
the real arm is attached! The research is still not able to
draw a clear connection.

College Station, Texas: A re-

search team at Texas A&M Uni-
versity has been able to train Dublin, Ireland: A new painting
insects, such as wasps, that have technique is being developed by
tremulous sniffing senses to detect scientists that could kill micro bac-
dangers. Wasps are able to detect teria and bugs that are antibiotic-
TNT and other explosives. Unlike resistant. The paint, to be used in
dogs, wasps do not require in- hospitals, is mixed with titanium
tense training, and can be used as dioxide, and when exposed to flo-
biological detectors during arsons rescent light, the nano-particles (a
that may pose danger to dogs. The billionth of a meter in size) absorb
research is still ongoing. the fluorescent light and create
hydroxyl radicals. That in turn elimi-
nates bacteria and superbugs.

Oredigger Staff

Headlines from around the world

Zach Aman
Editor-in-Chief

Sara Post
Managing Editor
Emily Trudell, Staff Writer Hugo Chavez called for the Venezu- light fabrics, metallic cloths, and vi-
Hilary Brown elan ambassador to return home and brant colors for next season. Country
Copy Editor expelled the American ambassador music star Kenny Chesney was
Hurricane Ike battered Texas office.
from Venezuela. nominated for seven Country Music
Josh Elliott while an estimated 90,000 residents Chile made its territorial waters on
Facebook switched over to its Award nominations, more than any
Business Manager ignored the evacuation warnings the Pacific Ocean a whale sanctu-
redesigned site, despite the protests other artist this year.
and planned to ride out the storm. ary, banning whale hunting on the
Lily Giddings of many of its 90 million users. Pop The “Bunny Suicides”, a series
Meanwhile, Americans mourned 3,400 mile coast. After suffering from
Design Editor Singer Pink said of Vice Presiden- of darkly humorous picture books,
the loss of thousands of citizens on a stroke last month, North Korean
tial Candidate Sarah Palin, “This were pulled from shelves of the
the seventh anniversary of 9/11. leader Kim Jong Il had brain sur-
Richard Walker woman hates women.” Bookuu Book City store after a
Webmaster Swimming icon Michael Phelps gery and could have partial paralysis
Rapper Kanye West and his 12-year old from Shanghai commit-
hosted the comedy show Saturday on one side of his body; the North
manager Don Crowley were ar- ted suicide. Leonid Stadnyk, the
Cericia Martinez Night Live. Korean government has called these
Asst. Design Editor for Layout rested in Los Angeles after allegedly tallest living man, acquired a second
Republican presidential candidate reports a “conspiracy plot.”
smashing two paparazzi cameras. world record for having the world’s
John McCain and VP candidate Ford Motor Co. announced its
Ryan Browne Fashion week in New York City largest hand, with a palm that spans
Sarah Palin battled with rival Ba- plan to introduce new hybrid cars to
Asst. Business Manager for introduced a mix of feminine styles, a whopping 31 centimeters.
rack Obama using “lipstick” analo- the market in order to compete with
Database Management
gies. John Ramsey said that he has rivals General Motors and Toyota.
Abdullah Ahmed forgiven the media for the “lynching” Oil worker deaths have risen by 70
Asst. Business Manager for of his family, after prosecutors recent- percent since 2002, with 598 deaths
Sales and Marketing

Mike Stone
Fool’s Gold Content Manager
ly cleared the Ramsey family of the
murder of their 6 year-old daughter
Jon-Benet in 1996.
Democratic Vice-Presidential
B
from year 2002 to 2007.
Bolivian President Evo
Morales expelled Ameri-
can ambassador Phil-
E M B E M
Jason Fish candidate Joe Biden and his wife ip Goldberg for

A D Z A D Z
Content Manager released their personal tax records allegedly provok-
covering the last decade. Ten pas- ing violent pro-
Kevin Duffy sengers were killed and many others tests. At the
Content Manager were injured Friday when a freight train same time,
and a Metrolink train collided head-on Venezuelan
Tim Weilert in suburban Los Angeles. President

Content Manager
Matthew Pusard
Content Manager
David Frossard
Faculty Advisor
M C Q M C Q
Pirates off the coast of Somalia
captured nine ships, keeping 100
people hostage for ransom. An
earthquake measuring 6.1 on the
Richter scale destroyed nearly 200

P U Y P U Y
small villages, killed at least six, and
injured at least 46 in southern Iran.
Didier Bourguet, a former U.N.
employee, was convicted of rap-
ing about 20 teenaged African girls
during his tour in Central African

B E M T N O
Republic and the Congo between
1998 and 2004. Ehud Olmert, the
current prime minister of Israel,
announced that he will resign his

w w w . O R E D I G G E R . n e t
September 15, 2008
Mines AC&N introduces new website
Demonstrates Mines’s 21st Century side
Gina Boice
Guest Columnist
The Colorado School of Mines
website will soon be transformed,
with a bold, new, contemporary look,
simpler navigation, and improved
search capabilities. A campus-wide
committee has been working for
months on the new website, which
will employ a new web structure and
new technologies, all supervised by a
new web-support team.
Or, to put it another way, CSM’s
website will move out of the 20th
century and into the 21st.
Believe it or not, in the late ‘90s,
CSM’s present website was designed
using the latest technologies. Pro-
grammers used JavaScript, fly-outs,
and daringly designed it for 600x800
resolution–state-of-the-art at the time,
though quite deficient today. Due to
personnel constraints, competition
from higher-priority projects, and very
limited oversight, the website became
neglected for an extended period.
Today our web presence is woe-
fully underwhelming and fails to reflect
the quality or professionalism of the
university. With 15 years of accumu-
lated content, reforming our legacy
web environment is daunting. But
the thought of maintaining the current
website indefinitely is even more so.
A year and a half ago, the uni-
versity decided to invest in a new
website and hired a project manager
to coordinate site development and
web-support strategies. Although it
seems like a long time ago, building
a new web environment – while un-
tangling the current one and keeping it
Geology Museum Alternative Power:
Open House
Robby Gill
Methanol Power Packs
Staff Writer
The Geology Museum held
its annual Open House Night last
Wednesday. Not only was the mu-
seum open later, a silent auction
was held in order to raise money.
“I’m looking forward to getting
some good specimens,” said Jaron
Lucero, Association of Geology
Students President, waiting for the
auction to begin.
The tradition of having an open
house began back in 1980. Guests
were treated to classical music
while being served hors d’oeuvres
and beverages.
The night also marked the
ribbon-cutting ceremony for the
gift shop, something the museum
has been lacking since moving to
its current location in 2003. The
honors were given to Dr. Bruce
Geller, museum curator.
“By the power vested in me by
the trustees, the citizens, and my
wife, I declare this gift shop open!”
announced Dr. Geller.
The night was also an opportu-
nity to show off new displays. As
stated by the Museum’s Advisory
Council, the museum’s goal is to
“strive to improve the collection,
through expansion, display and
preservation.” One of the main at-
tractions was the Dan and Dianna
Kile Collection. The collection is
very unique in that every speci-
men was self-collected (found, not
running at the same time – presented
a host of difficult challenges.
The first task was to assess
the existing web environment and
determine our needs: What is the
website used for, and what should
it be used for? Working with CSM’s
public-relations director and its chief
information officer, with guidance
from the president, we determined
that there were three principal needs
to address:
The first need was to serve the
local Mines community. This is what
the current site does now, for the
most part.
The second need was to share
what makes Mines such a unique
place to study. To use the website to
recruit talented students and faculty
from around the world. In short, to
market Mines more effectively (we
have come to refer to this part of our
new web presence as the “market-
ing site”).
The third need was to provide
a way to reach specific university
services through a universal login, cur-
rently the function of CSM Trailhead,
which provides access to registration
information, financial information,
Webmail, Blackboard, self-service
Banner and some other services.
In our current web environment,
we generally meet the first and third
requirements, though some updating
is planned. What is lacking, however,
is a “marketing site.”
The second task was to cre-
ate a committee of stakeholders–
representatives from departments
that have an interest in building and
bought) and cut by the Kile family.
This year’s ceremony focused
on bringing more people to the
museum. Thus, the event orga-
nizers tried new ways to get the
word out.
“We sent letters out to the pub-
lic,” said Ryan Balchuck, a student
worker. “We’re expecting bigger
attendance this year.”
The open house was scheduled
around local events, including the
Denver Gem and Mineral Show.
Not only were attendees from
Golden, but also from all around
America and even some interna-
tional visitors.
“This is their night to come so-
cialize,” said Dr. Geller, referring to
how hectic other local events this
week are.
Dr. Geller was able to use the
night as an opportunity to reflect
on the past year. He was hired
as curator on August 23, 2007.
In his first year, he has worked to
improve the state of the museum.
One improvement was to expand
the hours of operation.
Overall, the night was a huge
success. The museum was able to
improve on its international recogni-
tion, and many small-time collec-
tors were able to leave with some
steals. Dr. Geller summed up the
night with a reflection of his work
so far: “Even with the accomplish-
ments of my first year, there is still
much to achieve.”
w w w . O R E D I G G E R . n e t
n e w s Page 3
maintaining a successful
institutional marketing
website. Members were
drawn from the Graduate
Office, the Admissions
Office, academic depart-
ments, Athletics, Human
Resources, Public Rela-
tions, Academic Comput-
ing and Networking, and
the student body. These
representatives have met
weekly for the past year.
Initially the group ex-
amined university sites
and practices from all
over the country. The
New mines.edu home page COURTESY AC&N
committee spent time
analyzing CSM’s current website and months and each will have a inside.mines.edu.
and distinguished between market- unique emphasis. Hmmm, you might be saying. A
ing content (that is, outward facing The marketing site is almost com- new site answering to www.mines.
content such as information for plete and will be launched soon after edu and another at inside.mines.
prospective students, admissions all initial content has been submitted edu? How does that affect all of my
requirements, tuition, and the unique- and reviewed, perhaps this month. bookmarks, or all those links and
ness of the university) and community The marketing site is relatively small services and publications currently
content (inward-facing content, such compared to the inward-facing com- online? Web-support staff have put
as detailed student activities and munity site, but there are still over 400 a lot of thought and effort into this
events information, class information, pages of content to create and review question so that existing pages – and
and administrative information for cur- before it goes public. bookmarks to them – will continue to
rently enrolled students). The most difficult issues in creat- work as they always have. Of course,
After the assessment was done ing a new site aren’t the design or in such a complex environment we’re
and finances were put in place, we the programming. Organizing, as- likely to break something from time to
developed a request for proposals, or sembling, and creating content are time. So if you discover a link that no
RFP, to search for a web-design and the real challenges. There are many longer works please submit a Mines
marketing company to redesign and people contributing to this, and Public Help Center service request at help-
help untangle our site. Five proposals Relations department staff members desk.mines.edu to let us know what
were evaluated and a company was review all content to make sure it is you found.
selected to help us create a new appropriate, consistent, and meets Change brings challenges, but our
outward-facing marketing site, and their standards. website transformation has been —
restructure and revamp our inward- The new marketing site will answer and will be — an exciting, rewarding
facing community site. Both will be to www.mines.edu and the inward- project. We’re anxious to share it soon
available publicly in upcoming weeks facing community site will answer to with the Mines community.
Benjamin M. Weilert
Staff Writer
issues that must be overcome to
make these power packs. “There
tubes,” said Datye. Foam had
better bonds between its par-
Most alternative energy sourc- are many challenges to package ticles, which helped to produce
es have been researched and the catalyst . . . and to keep low a uniform coating.
developed to reduce our reliance heat.” Since many applications that Now that the issue of pack-
on petroleum-based energy could use these fuel cells require aging was solved, the attention
systems. But, what if you need low temperatures from their energy turned to the design of the cata-
a small energy source, such as sources, this issue was covered for lyst. “We want a catalyst that is
a battery? half of the lecture. active towards the formation
Abhaya Datye, from the De- “What can we do to make this of hydrogen,” said Datye. “The
partment of Chemical and Nucle- reactor more uniform in tempera- only products we make are CO
ar Engineering at the University of ture?” asked Datye, rhetorically. and CO2. We want to minimize
New Mexico, gave a presentation “A wall coated reactor is good CO, because it’s bad for the fuel
last Friday on the more portable because, inherently, it has short dif- cell.”
forms of alternative energy, entitled fusion lengths.” An issue with coat- The goal of the fuel cell is to
“Steam ing arose produce a lot of hydrogen with a
Reform-
One of the challenges that comes when at- minimal amount of reverse-water
i n g o f with downsizing alternative energy tempting shifting, reducing the amount of
Metha- thicker final product.
n o l f o r is how much energy can be fit in a applica- The catalyst with the best
P o r - tions. results was a combination of
table certain space “ T h e palladium and zinc. Despite the
Power.” coating expensive nature of palladium,
Due to the energy demands of was thin because [it] would flake it seemed to be the best choice.
our society, Datye said, “There off when it was thicker.” “You want an ideal catalyst
is an interest in coming up with The problem holding back the to recover and to restore to its
alternative power.” production of thicker coatings original state, even after abuse,”
“Wouldn’t it be nice for a was in the coating fluid. “When said Datye. A graph showed that
laptop to run on methanol for 20 you make a coating fluid, it’s the palladium catalyst returned
hours?” asked Datye at the start non-Newtonian . . . which affects to 100 % productivity after being
of the lecture. One of the chal- the coating.” This problem was restored, as compared to about
lenges that comes with down- solved using chemical engineering 80 % restoration for a copper
sizing alternative energy is how techniques. When a solution was catalyst.
much energy can be fit in a cer- found, it still needed some adjust- There are still many issues
tain space. “Chemical fuel packs ments. “We were getting thicker that need to be resolved before
more energy per unit volume than coatings, but they weren’t pretty,” fuel cells such as these methanol
a battery.” The basis of these said Datye. power packs are available to the
chemical fuels is alcohol. “Alco- Most of the coating was not public. However, progress is be-
hols are ‘renewable fuels’,” said uniform in the tubes, which was ing made, which is encouraging
Datye. “The goal is hydrogen.” another problem. The solution to a world filled with batteries.
However, even with higher for this was foam. “We learned The project was partially funded
energy density, there are many how to make foams inside these by the military.
Page 4 f e a t u r e s September 15,2008

Geek Week
wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. book titled Twenty Spy Gadgets
What activities or for the Evil Genius caught my eye.
of clubs are you in-
volved in?
I didn’t end up buying that book.
But I later bought a book called
the I’m involved in a
couple. The first is Jiu
Fifteen Electronic Products for the
Evil Genius. It contained one of the
Jitsu Club, which is most interesting electronic gadgets

Alyssa Volk
...Adam Smiley, Senior: Electrical Engineering a form of martial
arts. I’m also the
I’ve ever seen. It’s a portable elec-
tromagnetic pulse generator. It’s
co-president of something you can build out of
Staff Writer Fighting American your home from parts bought
nerdiness, which is hereditary. In as much as possible.
[Oredigger] What are you fact, my dad is a complete geek Do you have any phobias? Military Engineers. at Radio Shack. I haven’t con-

PHOTOS
studying? Do you enjoy it? himself. Every Friday he goes to Nothing out of the ordinary, but Starting this Friday, structed it yet, but at some
[Smiley] I’m studying electrical the local comic shop, where he I do have a fear of spiders. I’ll also be a mem- point I will.

COURTE
engineering, which is fantastic. I has two or three comic books on What is your favorite mov- ber of the Assassins What is the geekiest
really enjoy it! I’ve never changed backorder. He never fails to stop in ie? Club. thing you’ve seen or done
majors and I’ve wanted to be an and read them. I’m a huge science fiction movie What is the As- at Mines?

SY ALY
electrical engineer since I was eight What is the geekiest thing junkie. My favorite science fiction sassins Club? It was the last week
years old. you own? movie is a toss-up between the It’s something that of class this past semes-

SSA VO
Do you consider yourself a It’s a toss-up between two original Star Wars and Gattaca. I’ve has made headway ter. The class had big lab
geek? things. The first always been a HUGE Star Wars fan, on campuses nation- benches with the electrical

LK/ORE
In some that comes to but I love the movie Gattaca. It’s one wide. You basically get outlet placed directly in
senses I really mind is a cof- of my favorite movies of all time. a bunch of people to- front of you. It occurred to

DIGGER
do. You couldn’t fee table comic What is your favorite geek gether and have a role- me that no self-respecting
pick me out in a pop-up book. joke? playing scene. You’re electrical engineer could
crowd because It’s Star Trek’s Have you ever heard of the assigned a target and really call himself self-
I don’t buy into 50th anniversa- Heisenberg joke? you have to end that respecting unless
the stereo- ry edition that No. But go ahead and ex- person’s life in a pretend he had some mi-
typical notions, tells The Next plain. fashion, like jabbing them nor electrical inci-
but I’ve been Generation of Dr. Heisenberg is driving down with a spoon. Thinking deep thoughs: dent. So, I found
a g e e k f ro m the Voyager. the road. A cop flips on his lights What do you Adam wears his “smartest” a paper clip and
birth. I’m sure We don’t have and pulls him over. The cop strolls do in your spare insulated it with
shirt
my first con- a coffee table up to Dr. Heisenberg’s window and time? one of the guards
scious thought at my place, says “Sir, do you have any idea I’m an avid reader. It can be you find on a pencil. I then jammed
was something but I have it how fast you were going?” And Dr. detrimental because I don’t have it into the electrical socket. After
nerdy. sitting on my Heisenberg replies “No, but I can tell any time. But I will read anyway. It’s all of the dust and small molten
Te l l m e dresser. That you exactly where I was.” all pretty much science fiction. The pieces of metal settled, the instruc-
something geeky about your- way, anyone who comes to the Why did you choose Mines? last book I read was called Ghost tor walked in. Nobody apart from
self. apartment can see it. I’m pretty After Brigades by John Scalzi. The book me and a couple others know that
I started watching Star Wars into Star Trek. Captain Jean-Luc I toured before the incident went down. However,
when I was six or seven years old. Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise is the cam- that was it later intrigued me to figure out
I used to go out to my parent’s car my favorite character. pus and the Third exactly how much energy had dis-
in the middle of the day and pretend Do you have any nick- had the Ly n x b y sipated into that particular paper
I was in a star fighting scene. I’d sit names? o p p o r- Timothy clip. The next day, I used basic
behind the steering wheel already “Smiley.” It’s my last name, so it tunity to talk to some of the grad Zahn. analysis techniques to determine
having the scenario plotted out just kind of fit. I suppose “Frownie” students, I realized its dedication What is your favorite elec- the exact amount. I calculated that
in my mind. The windshield was pops up occasionally. It’s mostly a to science, math and engineering. tronic device? somewhere in the order of 4,000
my shield and the air conditioning joke though because if you know That convinced me that it was the I went to the Borders book to 5,000 joules of energy was put
button was my ‘Engine On’ but- me, you know I don’t frown too place for me. I felt it was a place store and immediately spotted the through the paper clip in the short
ton. That’s pretty indicative of my much. I try to live up to my name where I could be a dork and it engineering reference section. A time it was in my possession.

CSM leadership conference stresses

personal goals, organizational structures
On campus group leaders learn more effective ways to lead
Tim Weilert
process. “We are not a reflective sentation, Serena Stickney of the of Morgan’s presentation were Marie Hornickle and ASCSM
Content Manager
culture in America; we have not Alumni Association presented the topics of officer transitions, Treasurer Jaimie Thorpe.
As the warm, crisp September been taught to think about our The day ended with a few
air floated through campus on thinking,” said Roberts. “Mental words from CSM President Miles
Saturday, some students slept models are the software inside “Bill” Scoggins. He reflected on
in. Others attended the football our heads and we’re just the rats his own career experiences,
game, and some studied. How- running the programs.” describing his journey through
ever, about 210 students, faculty, Roberts used audience inter- the oil industry. “While you may
alumni and representatives from actions in an attempt to expand think we’re an engineering and
industry gave up their chance common definitions of leadership science school, we’ve got our
for recreation to learn important beyond what most people have roots in leadership and manage-
lessons about leadership. thought through. At one point she ment areas.” Scoggins personal
Leaders from almost every asked the question, “Why don’t observations followed, along
student organization attended we tell the truth in organizations?” on “Building Trust and Gaining listening, communication, avoid- with his own “top ten” leadership
the first annual CSM Leadership Responses included personal and Commitment.” Similar to Roberts, ing excuses, alumni connections, characteristics.
Conference, a forum on the financial gain, fear of retribution Stickney emphasized the perpetu- recruitment, planning, advisor As a whole, the conference,
values of leadership, ethics and and embarrassment. al growth aspect of leadership and involvement, recognition, respect, which will likely become a Mines
professional discipline. As she closed her talk, she ethics. After sharing an anecdote and enthusiasm. tradition, was a success. Mines
The keynote speaker, Dr. Char- challenged the audience to find about Enron, she said, “The only Several breakout sessions fol- has long been known as a
lotte Roberts of Charlotte, North out where their leadership role way to really learn about integrity lowed during the afternoon. Topics university that prides itself in
Carolina, talked about “Leading was located. She emphasized that and ethics is to go through life ev- were more specialized and focused preparing engineers for a thriving
a Learning Organization.” She not all leadership styles are the ery day and make those choices. on two main groups: club leaders life after school. The conference
covered same and We don’t just learn from lectures.” and student managers. Club lead- reflected this idea and reached
s e v e r a l “We are not a reflective culture in s t r e s s e d Stickney presented the “Six Pillars ers went deeper into the ideas of further. Rather than just giving
aspects the im- of Ethics” from the Josephson systems thinking and mental mod- students technical knowledge,
of lead- America; we have not been taught p o r t a n c e Institute of Ethics, several case els, while CSM has
ership of find- studies and hypothetical ethics managers Mines has long been known as s h o w n
that she
to think about our thinking” ing where scenarios. learned that it is
learned someone fits into an organization. Derek Morgan, of the Student a b o u t a university that prides itself in an institu-
CSM’s fi-
in industry and has taught to
leadership teams within industry.
Dr. Roberts closed by saying, “My Activities Office, talked about stu-
nancial
preparing engineers for a thriving tion dedi-
cated to
personal definition for ‘Engaged dent organizations “Winning Gold
Among her points were five dis- Leadership’ is fulfilling your per- Medals.” He stressed the impor- policies life after school creating
ciplines that successful, learning sonal purpose in a spirited and tance of goals. “It could be win- and event w e l l -
organizations can use. Roberts caring way. Continuously develop ning a championship, recruiting 15 planning. Speakers included rounded students who will be
stressed the importance of indi- your leadership model and remain new members or anything. Just Dr. Roberts, CPA Kirsten Volpi, well equipped to thrive in their
vidual personal understanding true to yourself.” make sure you have goals that are ASCSM President Kevin Duffy, industries and communities.
of goals, structure, and thought Following Dr. Roberts’s pre- attainable.” Among the finer points Student Activities faculty member

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September 15, 2008 f e a t u r e s Page 5

McBride students visit Honduras

Reflections on an international experience
Autumn Triesch
Staff Writer
He steps off the airplane into the
night of another country. Not able
to speak Spanish very well, he and
five of his peers get on a bus to be
shuttled to a house in Villanueva,
Honduras. On the trip to their home
for the next three weeks, CSM un-
dergraduate Chris Sabaka realizes
he is finally there. The weeks of
anticipation are over and the people
surrounding the bus as they drive
through the city are full of life.
“I made the decision to go to
Honduras in December of 2007. I
attended seminars in the McBride
Honor Program to learn about the
culture of the historic Mayans and
present-day culture in Honduras,”
said Sabaka.
Preparing for a trip in a different
country takes several weeks of
planning. A passport, and in some
cases a visa, is required.
“I got my immunizations and
passport. I was excited and anxious
for the trip. I had never gone farther
than Mexico. I kept anticipating
what I would see. I knew before
I went that it was going to be an
exciting trip,” said Sabaka.
After arriving in Villanueva, the
mayor rented a house for the six
Mines students and their advisors
to stay in for the three weeks they
were there.
“We were really spoiled. We
had our own house. We had two
women who cooked us breakfast
and lunch. They cooked us dinner
when we were there at that time
also. We had food available for us
whenever we wanted it. We had
another woman who cleaned,” said
Sabaka.
This summer excursion was for
a humanitarian engineering project.
The group of students worked on
educating children in Honduras on
environmental sustainability.
“We talked with schools in two
villages. We gave a presentation to
the kids about water. Running water
is not common in the villages, so we
showed the kids how important it
was to not waste the running water
they did get,” said Sabaka.
Other projects completed on
their trip were making gardens and
woven purses out of trash.
“We took old tires and turned
them inside out to make gardens,”
said Sabaka. “We made 20 gardens
total for the schools we worked
with. Trash is a big problem in
Honduras. It is everywhere. So
for another project, we took the
children out to collect chip bags,
like Frito Lays and Cheetos bags.
With the bags, we showed the
students how to cut them and
put the pieces together to make
a purse. We want the students to
think creatively when it comes to
cleaning up and fixing the waste
problem... The kids made bracelets
and hats. It took us three days to
weave a purse. It is hanging in the
International Program Office now,”
said Sabaka.
The projects were done during
the week. The students had extra
time to explore more of the country
of Honduras.
“When we first got to Hondu-
ras, it was at night. We met our
bus driver who took us into the
city of Van Edesulla and drove us
through the thick of a weeklong
fiesta. It was interesting seeing all
the people celebrating their culture.
The first weekend we were there,
we went to the Mayan ruins. The
second weekend, we went to
the beach. It was difficult getting
around because only three of us
had a background in Spanish. Our
bus driver for the trip did not speak COURTESY CHRIS SABAKA
one word of English. By the end Humpty-Dumpty Wanna-bes: Students rest on a wall in
of the week, we had our own way Copan
of communicating with him. He
even helped us out talking to other [Honduras] is one of the poor- schedule, but the people are not
people to help translate what was est countries. There is so much lazy at all. They are very hardwork-
being said,” said Sabaka. poverty. It makes me wonder how ing people,” said Sabaka.
It is recommended to know the some of these people could live like After the three weeks were over,
language of the other country when that. It has made me grateful for Sabaka returned to the airport to
traveling. However, it is still possible what I have. This trip also changed fly back to the States with stories
to travel without any background. my perspective about the world. he will remember his whole life and
“When we needed to explain to Honduras is really laid-back. They photos and new friends to go along
the students how to make the purs- do things different. It is not on a time with them.
es, we had to focus on one Spanish
word, like ‘fold,’ to explain how to
make it. It was difficult communicat-
ing with the students; it took longer
communicating with everyone in
Honduras,” said Sabaka.
The language is not the only dif-
ference Sabaka noticed. The way
the people of Honduras live, and
what they value, is different from
people in the United States. Seeing
another culture expands views on
how people in other parts of the
world live.
“There is definitely a difference.

Communications Center
hones speaking skills
Consultants offer presentation tips to students
Roby Brost
Staff Writer
The art of communication has
always carried certain hazards that
leave even veteran public speakers
a little short of breath, clutching a
prepared speech in cold, clammy
hands. Now, in the 21st century,
the multifaceted nature of com-
munication, including the use
of multimedia in presentations,
has made public speaking more
daunting than ever. If the thought
of a public speaking brings out the
desire to crawl under a convenient
rock or hide behind a carefully
crafted PowerPoint, fear not;
the Communications Center “We can help you become a more goals. “Whether English is your
is here to help.
Located way up in room
410 of Stratton Hall, the Com-
munications Center is well worth
the climb. Since professor John
Hogan created it last year, the
Communications Center has gath-
ered a host of talented consultants
to help the Mines community
become effective and successful
public speakers.
This year, consultants for the
center include Sue Tyburski, who
has a background in law, literature
and the humanities, and Mary Van
Zet, who has a master’s degree
from the University of Denver in
Mass Communications and is
a certified instructor of Public
Speaking, Business and Profes- to acknowledge the technology of
sional Communication, Psychology communication in the twenty first
Communication, Argumentation century… we continue to evaluate
and Advocacy and has a Certificate programs and designs that would
in English as a Second Language. be most useful and appropriate
Rose Pass, currently a professor for for CSM.”
Nature and Human Values courses, Meanwhile, the Communica-
also offers her valuable services to tions Center is available to help
help students “realize their public students develop speaking and
speaking potential.” Several other presentation skills, which helps
individuals offer their time and sup- them avoid using multimedia, such
port to the Communications Center as PowerPoint, as a crutch.
community. Room 410 of Stratton Hall also
The center offers a variety of ser-offers a relaxed atmosphere in
vices, all aimed at enabling the Mineswhich students who wish to im-
community to speak with confidence prove their mastery of the spoken
and authority. Rose Pass summa- English language can converse
with other students with similar
first language or your fourth, the
successful, effective speaker” Communications Center is a
valuable resource for feedback
rized the program simply when she on your presentation,” according to
said, “We can help you become a professor John Leydens.
more successful, effective speaker. The Communications Center is
That could mean anything from a open every Friday from one to five
better grade on a project to more in the evening. No appointment is
confidence in a job interview, [and] necessary, and a scheduled weekly
even more career options. ” time is not required. Although the
Although the program is still new Communications Center may be
to the Mines campus, the Commu- relatively new to Mines, its staff has
nications Center is already planning realized that the Mines community
for expansion. “We envision and is an intelligent lot. The center ex-
are planning to include writing, oral, pects growth to coincide with the
visual and electronic communication increasing number of students
assistance,” said Pass. “We hope to seeking to take advantage of a
have the capacity to offer more ser- great opportunity to speak with
vices to the Mines community and excellence.

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Page 6 f e a t u r e s September 15,2008

Career
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER

Recap
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER

Day
PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER
BREE WALTMAN/OREDIGGER

PATRICK BESEDA/OREDIGGER

Obama tickets
gone fast
David Frossard
work we’re doing here at Mines,”
said Scoggins. “I am proud we were
Obama campaign head-
quarters, Golden Ridge
Road

Staff Advisor selected as the venue for this event,

Tickets for Senator Barack as it reflects our growing recognition
Obama’s surprise visit to Golden, as a leading, world-class research
scheduled to take place this morn- university.”
ing at CSM’s Lockridge Arena, Scoggins also noted that an
disappeared quickly as hundreds invitation had been extended to
queued for a chance to see the the McCain campaign, with whom
candidate in person. the school had talked earlier this
Lines for the free tickets started summer. At press time, Republican
forming at Obama’s Golden cam- vice-presidental candidate Sarah
paign headquarters in the cold, Palin was also scheduled to appear
pre-sunrise drizzle Sunday morn- in Golden Tuesday, at the Jefferson Even on a rainy morning vendors had
ing. By 10 a.m., when distribution County Fair Grounds. plenty of Obama shirts, hats, and but-
began, lines stretched around the tons ready for the enthusiastic crowd
parking lot of the El Tapatio restau-
rant on Golden Ridge Road.
Within half an hour, all tickets
were claimed, disappointing many
hundreds who added their names
to waiting lists. Tickets were re-
portedly snapped up at three other
distribution points in the Denver
metro area as well.
Campaign officials held out
hope that more tickets might be-
come available Monday. Alterna-
tively, said campaign staffers, the
sold-out event might be moved
to a larger venue within Jefferson
County.
Mines President Bill Scoggins
said in an email that the school
Many waited for five hours in cold,
had reached an agreement to host
Lines stretched around the parking lot outside Obama campaign headquarters in drizzly conditions Sunday to snap
the event just last Friday. “Since
Golden. Hundreds more (including all in this photo) were turned away without tickets. All up a few hundred tickets distrib-
many national media represen-
tatives will cover the event, this those who successfully claimed tickets joined the line before 7:30 a.m uted in Golden for Senator Barack
is a tremendous opportunity to Obama’s Tuesday visit to the CSM
showcase our campus, students, campus
faculty and staff—and the exciting ALL PHOTOS COURTESY DAVID FROSSARD

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September 15, 2008 l i f e s t y l e Page 7

Essentials: Boxing Movies

Benjamin M. Weilert, Staff Writer

For some reason, most sports movies pale in comparison to the ones related to boxing. Perhaps
it’s the raw emotion and exertion that these warriors put into their fights. Perhaps it’s the age-old story
of an underdog overcoming the odds. Perhaps it’s that most of the stories are based on real people.
Whatever it is, these three films best portray the sport of boxing:
1. Raging Bull (1980)
Considered to be Martin Scorsese’s best film, Raging Bull chronicles the life of Jake La Motta
(portrayed by Robert DeNiro). Throughout the film, we watch Jake’s rise through the ranks of middle-
weight boxing. We also get a look into his tumultuous personal life, in conflict with his wife and brother.
Stylistically, this movie is beautiful, shot completely in black and white. Somehow, this style intensifies
the fights in the ring, producing some powerful fight sequences. Even with all his success, Jake ends
up working a nightclub, quoting Marlon Brando’s famous speech from On the Waterfront (1954). Re-
cently, Raging Bull rose to #4 of the American Film Institute’s top 100 movies of all time, which should
definitely put it on any must see list.
2. Rocky (1976)
With the exception of Rambo: First Blood (1982), this movie defines society’s perception of Sylvester
Stallone. Rocky Balboa (Stallone) is a relatively unknown boxer in Philadelphia who garners enough
attention to catch the eye of heavyweight champion Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). Creed puts on an
exhibition match against the unknown Balboa (nicknamed “The Italian Stallion”) in which Creed figures
he is a shoo-in to win. Unfortunately for Apollo, Rocky does some intense training montage work, run-
ning up museum stairs, drinking raw eggs and punching meat locker goods. Throughout this movie,
the somewhat slow Rocky develops a relationship with shy Adrianna “Adrian” Pennino (Talia Shire).
After the big fight, she’s the only one he can think of, yelling out, “Yo, Adrian!” This classic underdog
story is a staple of AFI’s top 100 list, being currently placed at #57.
3. Cinderella Man (2005)
This Depression-era film tells the true story about Jim Braddock (portrayed by Russell Crowe). Di-
rected by Ron Howard, we can see a similar fight sequence style to that of Raging Bull (perhaps as a
tribute). Despite being somewhat washed up, Jim works his way up the ranks of boxing because he
has a greater motivation: to feed his family. The poor and huddled masses can’t help but idolize
Braddock as their hero, as someone who can overcome their circumstances and prove to be
successful. The Depression was so hard on Braddock that the audience can’t help but root
for him to win the big match at Madison Square Garden. Ron Howard’s skill in building
suspense and emotion will have you on the edge of your seat and your heart in your
throat for most of this great film.
HILARY BROWN / OREDIGGER
For Homework – See Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Acoustic indie charms library Baron of laughs

Mine Is Clarence reveals rock band challenges Baron Vaughn brings comedy
Patrick Beseda out and I thought I would write
songs are about wanting to be in a
Staff Writer
being in a band,” he said.
some good songs and people will
rock band or being frustrated with
like us just because we play good
to the Friday Afternoon Club
Jordan Revielle, of the local songs.”
Revielle played through some
indie rock group Mine Is Clarence, He later found out that success
of the band’s older songs, dating Michael Rose
the end of the show, even more
gave a small group of listeners a would take more. “If you don’t tell
back three years to the first song he Staff Writer
controversial topics were under his
solo acoustic show in the Arthur people about your band and ad-
wrote. “At first, we had just started Comedian Baron Vaughn put darkly humorous spotlight.
Lakes Library on Friday vertise your shows and on a sidesplitting show at the Fri- The atmosphere of FAC was
afternoon; this marked the play more shows, peo- day Afternoon Club (FAC), which fun and casual. It was more
group’s second appear- ple won’t know you,” left everyone laughing and want- reminiscent of a group of friends
ance in the Concert in the Revielle said. He told ing more. getting together for laugh, rather
Library series. the audience about the Vaughn is an actor and co- than a formal performance by a
Claiming bands like ‘early days’ of the band; median living in New York City, famous comedian. The audience,
Saves the Day, Death Cab “It got frustrating – we where he tours around composed of Mines stu-
for Cutie and Weezer as were a good band and the country perform- dents, was not afraid
influences, Revielle pos- nobody noticed.” ing stand-up com- of contributing to
sesses great acoustical Whether their con- Vaughn’s
edy. Among his the show by ask-
skills, as well as vocals that flicts are resolved or the
complement his playing
many screen very real, ing questions
band members go their performances and making
style. “He had some really separate ways, Mine are appear- close-to-reality comments.
soulful songs and played is Clarence has cre- ances on Though many
really well, but it seemed ated some heartfelt and VH1, Com- jokes, well-timed beat comments
like something else was on meaningful music. In edy Central resulted in
his mind,” said sophomore the last song he played, and the boxing and discussion of ridicule, they
Liz Kirby. “He seemed a Revielle sang, “I wrote Hollywood were able to
little jaded.” some catchy pop tunes, movie Clo-
modern issues made his return the fa-
Things were different in hopes you’d dance verfield. His vor and keep
for the band since the last around.” He concluded performance soar in
most recent Baron coming
time Mines hosted them. the set with reassuring tour is taking back for more.
Revielle’s solo appearance lyrics; “It will work out
the eyes of many
him to college To w a r d s t h e
was the result of missing fine.” To hear the band,
guitarist and vocalist Matt.
campuses around attendees. end, the students
visit them on the internet the country. seemed to be run-
“Matt may be having at http://www.myspace. His fear of small ning the show and it
second thoughts about the com/mineisclarence. dogs and admission to ran several minutes over
band,” Jordan said before The Concert in the eating skittle burritos helped prove schedule.
he started. He opened Library series features Vaughn to be a talented comedian To many, participating in a
with a piece called “Built musicians every other that knew how to work a crowd. stand-up comedy show is much
to Last” and commented Friday at noon in the Vaughn’s very real, close-to-reality more entertaining than watching
that is was a song about PATRICK BESEDA / OREDIGGER Boettcher room. The jokes, well-timed beat boxing and YouTube videos in the deep, dark
quitting a rock band. Re- next concert will be The discussion of modern issues recesses of a dorm room; free
vielle later commented on Solo promo. Jordan Revielle of Mine Is Clar- Voice of the Wood Cello made his performance soar in food and drinks are available at
the type of songs he has ence explained sources of inspiration. Quartet on September the eyes of many attendees. By each performance.
written. “Almost all of my 26th.

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Page 8
Music Review
Narrow Stairs, Death Cab for Cutie
Tim Weilert
Content Manager
Last spring, as the days began
to grow longer and thoughts of
warmer days occupied students’
minds, an album was released.
Even before its release, Narrow
Stairs had generated a decent
amount of publicity. When the disc
finally dropped, it was not quite
what many people expected.
Background:
Death Cab for Cutie, a Seattle
band that has been creating music
for the better part of the last ten
years, began small, but has since
grown in standing and sound. The
first mainstream success Death
Cab for Cutie saw was their 2003
album Transatlanticism, followed
two years later by the even more
popular album Plans.
Those records did more for the
band than simply providing extra
money or even allowing them to
sell out venues across the globe.
Ben Gibbard, Death Cab for Cutie
front man and lyricist, became the
indie-rock equivalent of Jack Kerou-
vac. At the same time, Chris Walla,
Death Cab’s lead guitarist and
multi-instrumentalist, branched out
into the world of production and has
been behind the scenes on some
of the top indie records produced
in the last five years.
Best Song:
“Cath…” is the best representa-
tion of the current Death Cab sound.
Catchy guitar riffs and a good dose
of percussion keep this song from
dragging. The track has a warm feel
and an excellent music video which
Righteous Kill
Doyle Adams
Staff Writer
Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino are
responsible for some of the great-
est gangster, heist and mob flicks
of all time. No argument there. This
leads one to inquire – have they ever
let us down before? Unfortunately,
there is a first time for everything.
Skeptical since the film was not ex-
cessively publicized, I paid to see the
pair in a movie I knew nothing about.
The story begins with two seasoned
detectives and long-time partners
who lose faith in the justice system
and take matters into their own hands.
Not a bad start, I thought, until
Curtis Jackson, better known as “50
Cent,” makes a cameo in the first 10
minutes, struggling to pronounce his
lines. From there, the film went downhill.
We are then given glimpses of a
confession tape made by one of the
detectives. For two hours, we see
segments of the tape followed by
respective flashbacks of each crime.
From there, we pick up in the film in
present time with zero shockers and
15 minutes remaining to end the story.
Needless to say, the ending seemed
rushed and terribly predictable.
Dare I use the word mediocre to
describe Righteous Kill? After all,
we’re talking about Jimmy Conway
and Tony Montana. Each had their
moments, but overall I couldn’t be-
lieve them. They lacked enthusiasm
as if they were as bored with the
story as I was. That said, watching
DeNiro kick “50 Cent” is easily worth
the dollar Red Box rental this spring.
I would be lying if I gave a passing
grade. Sadly, Righteous Kill has all
the symptoms of a Mines PRG: lazy,
last minute, and without recognition.
l i f e s t y l e
helps play
out the
imagery and storyline.
lyrical
Song to Skip:
The first four minutes of “I Will
Possess Your Heart.” Building to-
ward something epic is great, but
after two minutes of listening to the
same bass riff the song becomes
dry. The lyrics are catchy, but de-
pend too much on repetition. By
the end of the song the listener is
ready for the next track.
Final Thoughts:
The first time listening to this
record, do not expect it to be Plans
2: The Electric Boogaloo. While
Plans had an almost perfect and
surgical attention to detail, Narrow
Stairs is more of an exploration of
sound. The lyrics are poetic and
the overall sound is warm and
deep. On some tracks (“Grapevine
Fires” and “Your New Twin Sized
Bed”), Narrow Stairs will cause the
listener to think of a dreamy, warm
summertime afternoon while other
tracks (“The Ice Is Getting Thinner”
and “Talking Bird”) are slightly more
chilling. Fortunately for Death Cab,
they have not let their mainstream
successes dictate their sound, so
they still have credibility as musical
artists. Overall, it is not the type of
record that can be taken in pieces,
but must be listened to as an entire
composition.
Burn After Reading
Erin Stephens
Staff Writer
As the follow up film to Joel and
Ethan Coen’s No Country for Old
Men, Burn After Reading takes a
satirically dark twist which features
a cast with both history and A-list
standings.
Introduced in a combination of
story lines that twine in the most
random fashion imaginable, the
United States Central Intelligence
Agency plays the role of an innocent
bystander to the confusion. Ironi-
cally, the intelligence gathered on
the situation leads to no intelligent
understanding of the motives of any
of the participants. The CIA superior
fittingly concludes, “Report back to
me when it makes sense.”
The opening scenes take a
sweeping leap from the normal
standards of comedy into the realm
of chaos, when Osborne Cox (Malk-
ovich) is unceremoniously fired from
the CIA. Although offered a lower
ranking position, Cox quits in a flurry
of vulgarities.
When Osborne decides he will
take revenge on the agency by
alternating drinking with the writing
of a memoir, his wife, Katie Cox
(Swinton), decides it is time for a
divorce. The scene thickens when
Katie attempts to corner her lover,
Harry Pfarrer (Clooney); Pfarrer’s
wife is, ironically, the author of chil-
dren’s novels.
Revealing both the human and
animal sides of the character, Cloo-
ney effectively plays the role of phi-
landerer. As a former U.S. Marshal,
Pfarrer is proud to have never fired
his gun, yet seeks every opportunity
to discharge a weapon.
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Bringing in
the harvest
A review of Blue Moon Seasonal Ale, Harvest Moon
Akira Rattenbury
Staff Writer
As a 2008 inaugural sampling
of Golden’s offerings into the select
beer market, Blue Moon’s Harvest
Moon delivers where other mass-
produced seasonals fail. The dis-
tinct aftertaste and pleasing color
give the ale a desired finish. Molson
Coors claims the ale is a “full bod-
ied” ale made “with the flavor of vine
ripened pumpkin,” hinting to bolder
forays into the fruit-flavored beer
variety. Seeking the perfect blend of
sweet and spice, the Harvest falls
squarely in the sweet tooth arena of
seasonal offerings.
The beer aims to please the likes
of discriminating tastes while not
clashing with the natural sentiments
of a smooth finish enjoyment. Initial
fragrance is mute, but an efferves-
cence of the carbonation gives a
familiar feel to the Coors-brewed
beer. The finish really entices a
drinker to another sip to discern
what spices are at play.
The beer sure is charming. The
Movie Reviews
The second plot line emerges
when Hardbody gym employees
Chad (Pitt) and Linda (McDormand)
encounter a disc with seemingly
classified information and attempt
to collect a reward from the Coxes.
The innocence in Pitt’s character,
in combination with the single-
minded vanity of McDormand’s,
allows for extremely comical lines
in the script.
The Coxes’ world and the Har-
body gym collide in a twist of mis-
understandings and misrepresenta-
tion. The film is slightly reminiscent
of one of Shakespeare’s comedies,
where none of the characters’ mo-
tives make sense to the others.
Chad is by far the most memo-
rable and lovable character of the
bunch, even with his simpleton flaw.
Pitt has reinvented his acting with
random dances to his headset and
an insatiable need for hydration.
Although Pitt and Clooney only
appear in one scene together, the
history built from the Ocean’s trilogy
remains.
Burn After Reading, though
bearing little resemblance to its
knee-slapping commercials, is
hilarious in its own right. The Coen
brothers pace the film in such a
way that the characters have few
chances to explain or justify their
actions to anyone but themselves.
The directors knew what they
were doing when they casted the
“World’s Sexiest Men” into roles of
philanderer and the stereotypical
muscled gym instructor.
An interesting, yet dark, addition
to the 2008 movie lineup, Burn
After Reading is a rare mixture of
irony and mayhem.
September 15,2008
drinkability, which adds to the sub-
deep amber, copper orange color
tle, yet present flavors of the beer.
is reminiscent of a Killian’s Irish Red
“Initial taste is good,” commented
ale, but brings a host of new and
Alec Anderson, a rugby player and
exciting flavors to the table. The
senior at CSM. “It releases the flavor
Harvest Moon, a watered-down re-
in your mouth, but I don’t need an
incarnation of Blue Moon’s Pumpkin
orange.”
Ale, brings a lively mass-produced
The Harvest harbors a slightly
edge to the typical microbrew smor-
acidic fragrance and taste. It offers
gasbord of seasonings. Coriander,
a light dose of pumpkin to tease
reminiscent of its big brother, the
the senses. The beer can be bitter,
Blue Moon “white ale,” brings a
and several tests confirm different
punch to the mix. Combined with
batches properly mix the sweet
typical autumn seasonings such as
and spice with the forgiving taste
nutmeg, cloves, allspice, and cin-
of a Blue Moon. The slight bitter
namon, the Harvest hosts a unique
can almost give way to a woody
twist on a fall brew.
aftertaste. The affordability of the
The beer hits initially with fra-
beer allows its spice, but recovers
grant spices and entices a charm of
with the sweet and almost watery
comfort when enjoyed on an over-
taste.
cast fall day. It does not encapsulate
It does not overcompensate
a Colorado feel, but is worth a try.
for its seasonal offering by being
Whether sampled at Coors lab or by
excessively bold or overpowering.
the bottle, Harvest Moon refreshes
The light finish and complimentary
the palate with a soothing dose of
flavors give the beer an even four-
bitter malt. When poured, the beer
out-of-five for overall enjoyment.
offers a moderate head of quickly
dissipating carbonation, which lin-
gers throughout the glass.
Hesitant samplers noted the
Burn After Reading
Benjamin M. Weilert to try and sell the information.
Staff Writer As this is going on, Linda is trying
to find a way to pay for cosmetic
One year after their Academy surgery while also dating Harry
Award-winning movie, No Country Pfarrer (whom she met online).
for Old Men, the Coen brothers Harry, who is currently married
are back to present a slightly more to a children’s book author, is a
comedic flick. Some of the charm of retired bodyguard who has never
this movie comes from the actors. killed anyone. So, at this point,
Most of them are playing parts well everyone is cheating on everyone
below their normal charisma lev- else, and divorce papers are flying.
els, which leads to some To find more informa-
realistic characters. tion for the Russians,
The plot
You can definitely Chad breaks
tell they enjoyed definitely felt like a campy into Osborne’s
themselves house and
working on soap opera at times, and it e n c o u n t e r s
this project, a little snag
which is ex- lacked structure past the in the plan.
hibited well The situation
in the trailers. bumbling of blackmailing quickly gets out
That being said, of control after
it’s still dark comedy. gym trainers. two people are killed
Osborne Cox and no one wants the
(played by John Malkovich) is useless information on the CD.
an analyst for the CIA who quits If you get lost during the movie, the
after being demoted at work. His CIA superior (J.K. Simmons) wraps
wife, Katie Cox (Tilda Swinton), everything up for you in a nice little
has been cheating on him for some package at the end of the film.
time with Harry Pfarrer (George Needless to say, most of the fun-
Clooney). In order to help her fi- ny material of this movie is shown in
nances after she divorces Osborne, the trailer. The plot definitely felt like
Mrs. Cox copies many of her hus- a campy soap opera at times, and it
band’s sensitive files onto a CD. lacked structure past the bumbling
However, the CD is lost at of blackmailing gym trainers. If you
a local gym where Linda Lilzke can’t stand somewhat complex
(Frances McDormand) and Chad plots and the quintessential Coen
Feldheimer (Brad Pitt) work as brothers’ senseless violence, you
personal trainers. They must have might want to stick to renting this
been raised on Cold War spy nov- film. Otherwise, perhaps wait until
els, because after reading some it hits the cheap-seats theater.
of the contents on the disk, they Burn After Reading is 1 hour,
decide this type of information can 37 minutes long and rated R for
be used for blackmailing. After try- violence, language and sexual con-
ing to get a reward out of Osborne, tent. My rating: 3 ½ stars out of 5.
they turn to the Russian embassy
September 15, 2008 o p i n i o n Page 9

Andrew Aschenbrenner
Opinion Columnist
There is no doubt that Republi-
can vice-presidential nominee Gov.
Sarah Palin of Alaska has taken over
the political scene. The past two
weeks have been all Palin, all the
time. Now, the attention seized by
Palin mania is threatening to trivial-
ize this election season.
The me-
dia circus is
Sarah Palin has brought out the Internet,
Palin in Comparison
something that is rare in today’s me- She showed her lack of knowl-
dia atmosphere. So, instead come edge on foreign policy in her first
stories about mislabeled quotes interview with ABC’s Charles Gib-
(Obama’s comment of lipstick on son on Thursday, which is the only
a pig), Palin’s MILF status, hockey time she has talked to the press
moms, and pregnant teenagers. since she was named the nominee
Seriously? for vice president. How can the
Allegations fly around on the country decide if Palin is qualified if
she never talks to the media? How
and
sifting through dare the McCain campaign criticize
ters to turn this project or any other eventually fired most of them, ac-
into something that’s so negative.” cording to a Time Magazine article.
Information from the Tax Foun- She brought national wedge issues
dation (www.taxfoundation.org) to a local campaign, and divided the
shows that small town.
A l a s k a r e - Palin obviously has ambition, Forget the
ceived $1.84 media circus
from the gov- but she has also consistently and the alle-
ernment for
every dollar warped her positions and her w a t c h t h e
gations. Just

understand- crowds for John McCain and them all is not the press for vetting Palin? Isn’t the in taxes paid campaign.
able, con- easy. Sources press allowed to do its job? in 2005, the campaigning to fit what was What really irks
sidering how energized the GOP’s conserva- like the Associ- The McCain campaign has most recent me is the bla-
unknown na- ated Press and made some untested claims about year of data.
politically expedient
tant lies and
tionally Palin tive and evangelical base Factcheck.org Palin, including one about how The state also distortions.
was before are helpful in she has fought earmarks. The evi- ranks first in federal spending per What bothers me is the diversion
being named as John McCain’s run- order to make intelligent conclu- dence points to the opposite truth. resident. This contrasts with the from the issues. What annoys me
ning mate. It’s also plainly seen that sions. Assertions that she de- The state where she is Governor, state’s status as having the lowest is the flippancy and the trivializing of
there have been quite a few issues manded books be banned from Alaska, received $155 million in state and local tax burden in the facts. What troubles me is what the
raised about Palin’s experience, the Wasilla, Alaska library when she federal earmark money in 2008, nation. selection of Sarah Palin says about
beliefs, and even her integrity. was mayor there are false, and she which equates to $231 per resident At first, I thought Sarah Palin John McCain.
She has caught flak on many never pushed for teaching creation- – more than any other state. was a good pick for John McCain. I don’t care who you vote for. If
fronts. Her claim in her stump ism in Alaska schools, contrary to Palin appears to be no fiscal She has a reputation for getting you want to vote for McCain, go for
speeches that she “told Congress some reports. conservative. She supported and things done, and has consistently it. Same for Obama, and Barr, and
thanks, but no thanks” on the Bridge Sarah Palin has brought out the welcomed the “Bridge to No- defied expectations. However, once Nader, and McKinney, and whoever
to Nowhere has been exposed as a crowds for John McCain and ener- where” before it became clear that I looked at the record, I saw just else might be on the presidential
lie, or at best, a distortion. The re- gized the GOP’s conservative and it wouldn’t be awarded. After the another politician. Palin obviously ballot. But do me a favor: be in-
peated assertions by John McCain evangelical base. Despite this, there bridge option fell through, Congress has ambition, but she has also con- formed. You owe your country. Look
that she never has sought federal are major red flags concerning her still offered Alaska the money, which sistently warped her positions and hard at the candidates.
earmark money as Governor of record and she accept- her campaigning to fit what was People like Sarah Palin are
Alaska are false. Palin is also under her qualifica- How can the country decide if ed. In fact, politically expedient. definitely new and different. That’s
investigation in Alaska regarding tions. What even after Her history as mayor of Wasilla great. Now look behind the fa-
possible illegal influence in the firing m a k e s h e r Palin is qualified if she never it had been concerns me. While she didn’t cade. Is there any substance? If I
of an Alaska state trooper. ready to be nationally demand that books be banned, compare the presidential tickets,
Looking hard at a candidate, vice presi-
talks to the media? maligned as as was previously noted, she did I don’t see Sarah Palin and John
especially one in the public eye, dent? I fear an example inquire about the issue. When she McCain representing anything
requires patience and dedicated for our nation the day this woman of government pork, she said that took office, she placed a gag order new. To me, McCain-Palin pales in
reporting. Unfortunately, this is has to talk to world leaders. she would “not allow the spinmeis- on the city department heads and comparison.

Political “Real Speak” The Oredigger cuts through political

Matthew Pusard
Content Manager
Do you know how to tell if a
politician is lying to you? There is
an easy test for this. Are his lips
moving?
This is a blanket generalization,
but the point remains that the
political realm is often full of half-
truths, misleading statements,
and, sometimes, bold-faced lies.
The following are eight recent
statements and issues, four about
each presidential campaign, which
I researched for validity. Read
closely because some things are
technically true, but context af-
fects them drastically.
McCain/Palin:
True – Senator John McCain
(R-AZ) said that the economy
was not his strong suit
One of Obama’s most recent
attack ads depicts John McCain
as being weak on the economy.
According to Polifact.com1, Mc-
Cain has admitted to not being as
strong on the economy. However,
he also stated that while he is not
as strong on the economy, he is
still knowledgeable about it.
True - Senator McCain has
voted with George W. Bush
90% of the time
Obama’s claim from his accep-
tance speech at the Democratic
National Convention was spot
on, according to Media Matters2.
1 http://www.politifact.
com/truth-o-meter/state-
ments/333/
2 http://mediamatters.
org/items/200808270008
However, there was fluctuation in
that total over the years. For ex-
ample, McCain and Bush agreed
just 77% of the time in 2005 and
as much as 95% of the time in
2007. Since Obama is trying to
paint a McCain presidency as lin was for the Bridge to Nowhere
a third term of Bush, this fact
strengthens his case.
True- Governor Palin stated
that she was proud of her
daughter’s “decision” to have
her baby
In an odd de-
velopment to the
campaign, the
media revealed
B r i s t o l P a l i n ’s
pregnancy a few
scant days af-
ter her mother’s
selection as Mc-
Cain’s running
mate. Whether or
LILY GIDDINGS/OREDIGGER
not it is relevant,
her mother’s re-
sponse to the revelation is note-
worthy. According to Fox News3,
a statement from Palin said that
the family would give her love and
support and she lauded Bristol’s
“decision”. It is a curious state-
ment considering that Gov. Palin
is staunchly pro-life 4. Why does
Bristol get a choice, but Sarah
opposes that right for others? It
could simply be a poor choice of
3 http://www.foxnews.
com/wires/2008Sep01/0,4670,C
VNPalinDaughter,00.html
4 http://civilliberty.
about.com/od/profiles/p/sarah_
palin.htm
w w w .
spin to find the real story
words, but it still thought-provok-
ing nonetheless.
False-Governor Sarah Palin
(R-AK) was always against the
Bridge to Nowhere
To paraphrase John Kerry, Pa-
before she was against it. In her
RNC speech, she stated that she
said, “Thanks, but no thanks” to
the $400 million bridge to an island
with a population of 50. However,
according to Polifact.com 5, she
was for it during
her campaign
f o r g o v e r n o r.
Ultimately, the
bridge project
was cancelled
by Palin, but
Alaska had al-
ready received
the funding for it
and never gave
it back.
Obama/Biden:
Tr u e – S e n a t o r B a r a c k
Obama (D-IL) said, “You can
put lipstick on a pig, but it’s
still a pig”
The full line, according to Polit-
ico.com6, is, “You can put lipstick
on a pig. It’s still a pig. You can
wrap an old fish in a piece of paper
called change. It’s still gonna stink.
We’ve had enough of the same
old thing.” Obama has received
flak from the McCain campaign,
5 http://politifact.com/
truth-o-meter/statements/680/
6 http://www.politico.
com/blogs/bensmith/0908/
Obama_Lipstick_on_a_pig.html
O R E D I G G E
calling it a sexist remark towards
Palin, citing that Palin used a line
about lipstick and pit bulls at her
Republican National Convention
speech. But, according to the Chi- released his tax returns and his
cago Tribune 7 ,
McCain himself
has previously
used the same
line to refer to
the reforms
made by Sen.
Hillary Clinton.
False- Sena-
tor Obama will
raise taxes on
everyone
Many demo- LILY GIDDINGS/OREDIGGER
cratic candi-
dates are branded with the “tax-
and-spend liberal” tag, but it isn’t
always necessarily true. Barack
Obama’s website claims that
Obama will lower taxes for 95% of
the population and has published
a comprehensive tax plan detail-
ing it8. His loftiest claim is that no
family making under $250,000 will
see their taxes increase. This con-
trasts with John McCain’s plan,
which lowers taxes for everyone,
but to a lesser degree for incomes
of $112,000 and below9.
True-Senator Joe Biden
7 http://www.chica-
gotribune.com/news/nation-
world/chi-campaign-lipstick-
sep11,0,2295346.story
8 http://www.baracko-
bama.com/pdf/taxes/Factsheet_
Tax_Plan_FINAL.pdf
9 http://www.snopes.
com/politics/obama/taxes.asp
R . n e t
(D-DE) is one of the least
wealthy US senators
M c C l a t c h y N e w s p a p e r s 10
states that Joe Biden’s recently
family ranks as
one of the least
wealthy senators.
In a campaign in
which each side
is trying to paint
the other as out
of touch or elitist,
this fact could
h e l p B i d e n ’s
perception as an
everyman, along
with his long
commutes back
home at night to be with his fam-
ily. That being said, he still made
$319,853 last year, enough to
meet Obama’s own upper class
definition.
False-Senator Obama wants
to teach comprehensive sex
education to kindergarteners
This claim off of a recent Mc-
Cain attack ad greatly distorts
reality. According to factcheck.
org11, this smear originates from
a bill in the Illinois Senate that
would allow age-appropriate sex
education from K-12 schools to, in
part, combat pedophiles. But the
bill did not pass and Obama was
not a sponsor of the bill.
10 http://news.yahoo.
com/s/mcclatchy/20080912/
pl_mcclatchy/3043684
11 http://www.factcheck.
org/elections-2008/off_base_
on_sex_ed.html
Page 10
Men’s soccer team ranked 2 in Central Region
Elise Goggin
Staff Writer
In the last two weeks, the Colo-
rado School of Mines Men’s Soccer
Team made the NSCAA/Adidas Di-
vision II Top 25 Poll coming in at #16 loss that left them with a little more
in the nation and were also ranked
second in the Central Region. This
is a tremendous accomplishment,
and it left the boys with some pretty that “the bus ride home wasn’t very
big shoes to fill.
T h e y s h o w e d The men are confident
that they were up
for the challenge
that they will be a tough diggers started
two weekends
team to beat.
ago when they
upset the number two team in the
nation, Midwestern State (TX). In
the first half, the CSM defense
controlled the game, only allowing
Midwestern one shot on goal. With
five minutes to go in the half, senior the lights at Mines’s home field,
midfielder Grant Manthey found the
back of the net, putting the Oredig-
gers in the lead. In the second half, didn’t take long for CSM to catch
Midwestern was able to tie it up,
but freshman midfielder Chike Sul-
livan’s goal in the 86th minute put
Mine’s back on top, and the game
ended 2-1. Coach Frank Kohlen- to their feet. Unfortunately, neither
stein credits the win to the team’s
hard work and said, “We came out
Broncos one of
few teams looking
strong in AFC
Matthew Pusard
Content Manager
It took one week for the entire
AFC to turn upside down.
The Patriots lost reigning MVP
Tom Brady to an ACL and MCL
tear for the entire season.
The Colts lost to an offense-
less Bears team while their own of-
fense looked old and banged up.
The Chargers lost a close
game to the Panthers and then
lost Shawne Merriman for the
season.
Just like that, the three stron-
gest forces in the AFC had gigan-
tic question marks surrounding
them, promising to make it a very
interesting season. That opened
the door for a surprisingly potent
Denver Broncos team.
It was only one week, but the
Broncos offense looked like the
most potent in the league. Jay
Cutler and rookie wide receiver
Eddie Royal cut up the Oakland
Raiders for 41 points. Royal, who
has earned the moniker of “Mr.
Clean” from his teammates for
his straight-laced personality and
impeccable integrity, posted the
sixth-best NFL debut for a wide
receiver with 146 yards receiv-
ing, behind the NFL-record 217
yards Anquan Boldin posted in
2003. Cutler also impressed with
his 299 yards with 2 TDs, leading
to a 137.5 QB rating, second-
best in week 1. What makes it all
the more impressive is that the
Broncos were without starting
wideout Brandon Marshall due to
a suspension.
The question is whether the
Broncos are that good or the
s p o r t s September 15, 2008
nd
ready to play.” after a double overtime.
Unfortunately, the spark that had After the tie with Re-
ignited against Midwestern couldn’t gis, CSM’s overall record
be found the next night against #14, was 2-1-1. Their second
West Texas A&M. The team came RMAC match was on Sun-
out flat, and the result was a 2-0 day when they faced off
against rival Metro State.
humility. Captain Cameron Brown Metro State won, 2-1,
said, “We just didn’t bring it.” And changing the overall record
as one might imagine, he also noted to 2-2-1.
So far the season has
fun.” been somewhat of a roll-
On last Friday ercoaster. Unfortunately
night, the Ore- this is exactly what Coach
Kohlenstein wanted to
off conference avoid. Last season was
play in a match full of ups and downs,
against Regis University. Coach but this season he would
Kohlenstein wanted to “take care like his team to “get on a
of the business that [they] didn’t plateau and stay up there,
take care of last week,” but the or if anything, keep on ris-
men came up a little short. Under ing up.” To accomplish this
goal, “the team needs to
Regis was the first to score in the be ready to play mentally,
81 st minute of the game, but it emotionally, and physical-
ly,” said Cameron Brown.
up. Sophomore defender Jacob The RMAC is an extremely
Juette scored on an assist by junior strong soccer conference,
midfielder John Moseley just one but the men are confident
minute later, bringing the frozen fans that they will be a tough
team to beat.
team was able to find the net again They are one of the
and the game ended in a 1-1 tie most successful athletic
programs at CSM and
they know what they need
to do to get the job done.
Make sure to get out and
see the Men’s soccer team
play this season because
this team is going to the
top and they plan on stay-
ing there.
shacole newby / oredigger
Raiders were that bad. The Raid-
ers have been a dysfunctional
team since 2003, posting a 19-
62 record since 2003. But that
means they have gotten some of
the best picks in the draft since
then, including JaMarcus Russell
and Darren McFadden in the past
two years. Yet their best position
is cornerback, with Pro Bowlers
Nnamdi Asomugha and DeAn-
gelo Hall leading the way. For the
Broncos passing game to make
them look foolish lends credibility
to the team, even if the rest of the
Raiders squad is subpar.
Regardless of the outcome of
the week 2 San Diego game, the
Broncos are looking at a much
easier schedule due to injuries.
The Patriots without Brady will
play the Broncos in week 7 and
the Broncos play San Diego again
in week 17. Jacksonville also looks
less potent than last year after a
low-scoring loss to the Tennessee
Titans. Before, those looked like
unwinnable matchups, but hurt
and underachieving superstars
have leveled the playing field.
Emerging stars on the Broncos
have leveled the playing field as
well. With Royal’s breakout, teams
will be less inclined to double-
cover Brandon Marshall and that
will lead to some touchdowns be-
cause of Marshall’s incredible size
and speed. Combined with the
still-improving Cutler, the Broncos
offense could echo that of last
year’s Colts or Saints. It’s too soon
to tell on the defense, although
the unit shut out the Raiders for
3 quarters, but if nothing else,
the Broncos will be competitive
in 2008.
w w w . O R E D I G G E R . n e t
September 15, 2008
Truth behind Genius Juice
Student secretions revealed as the secret
Benjamin M. Weilert
Sweatpants Enthusiast
With its appearance a few years
ago, Genius Juice has been a
healthy alternative to soft drinks
offered at free food functions. Many
people have assumed the bottled
water was produced the same way
that all other bottled waters are: a
garden hose. Unfortunately, the truth
behind Genius Juice is much more
disturbing.
Each week, Mines students of
various disciplines and backgrounds
take strenuous exams to test their
knowledge of the subject matter at
hand. Understandable byproducts
of these exams are the sweat and
tears of the students. Collected and
bottled, this is the basis on which
Genius Juice is made.
“Most students don’t realize
that every room on campus slants
towards one corner,” says Genius
Juice creator, Brian Frieze. “During
every test, the students’ secretions
make their way to a drain in the
corner of the room. All of these
drippings are then collected and
processed into Genius Juice.” In
order to hide the salty origins of the
drink, the collected fluids must be
processed through many stages
including desalinization, homogeni-
zation, ionization, and purification.
The resulting concoction is the con-
centrated anguish and frustration of
Hollywood will only
produce B-movies
Tim Weilert
Writer of the Living Dead
In a move that shocked thou-
sands, and caused others to
grunt, growl and shuffle about in an attempt to cut costs, hired
the streets,
CEOs from B-movie purists... claim that er robots and
every single
Hollywood this has been just another to eat, discom-
production
agency an-
studio attempt to make more bobulate
n o u n c e d money at the cost of film Hollywood ce-
tha t t h ey
will no lon- integrity.
ger create
full feature films. The univer-
sal move toward the nostal-
gic “B-movie” genre was nec-
essary after zombies ate the
brains of most of the Writer’s
Guild of America last spring.
News Corporation founder
Rupert Murdoch claimed that he
decided to make the switch to B-
movies after he had a run-in with
an axe murderer. “I kept telling my- house” creators Quentin Taran-
self, just go back outside, don’t go tino and Robert Rodriguez, con-
through that door, just run away,”
said Murdoch, “But it turned out
that the so-called ‘axe murderer’
was nothing more than an escaped at the cost of film integrity. Their
Mines students.
Tenured student, I.B. Faylen
commented on the mysterious prop-
erties of the drink, “After every test
I’ve taken, I feel as though I’ve lost
some of my intelligence. However,
when I drink Genius Juice before an
exam, I don’t feel as though I’ve lost
as much of my brain.” This observa-
tion led to testing.
Using laboratory mice, the side
effects of Genius Juice were ex-
amined. Compared to the control,
mice who regularly drank Genius
Juice exhibited symptoms that are
BENJAMIN M. WEILERT / OREDIGGER
Genius Juice. Not an ad-
equate source of good
English skills
convict hired by writer’s unions to
pitch the new idea to me. He really
gave a convincing presentation.”
Another factor that played into
the change was money. Studios,
vampires, kill-
space invaders
and
abduct popular
lebrities. “One
of the big costs
in shooting a
feature length production these
days is getting the big names,”
said Sony Pictures talent agent
Pat Breach. “We can hire the guys
loitering out in front of 7-11 for a
lot less than it costs to get Brad
Pitt or Matt Damon. In fact, most of
the actors we hire usually just end
up getting killed in inventive ways.”
B-movie purists, such as “Grind-
demned the action, claiming that
this has been just another studio
attempt to make more money
w w w . O R E D I G G E R . n e t
s a t i r e Page 11
sudoku
8 1 6 3
1 5
all too familiar to Mines students.
The most astonishing result were the
mice that drank Genius Juice and
raised their IQ’s by an average of 23
points, making the mice as smart as 8 4 5 7
3 5 7 1
Alaskan salmon. These same mice,
unfortunately, acquired side-effects
including acne, alcoholism, sensi-
1 7 2
tivity to ultraviolet light, fear of the
opposite sex, and the uncontrollable
7 4 9 6
urge to curl into a fetal position in the
darkest corner of the cage.
The lead scientist of the inves-
3 1 7 8
tigation commented, “These are
amazing results, but what I find most
6 3
interesting are the statistics on the
decomposition of the fluid.” Certain
exams will provide more stress
7 2 1 5
for students, and thus make for a
larger percentage of the collected
secretions. “Chemistry is the lead
Puzzle by websudoku.com
producer at 28%, followed closely
by Physics at 23% and Physical
Activity at 20%.” The least amount of solution
product came from the Liberal Arts
6 2
department, with a total combined 4 8 1 9 3 7 5
contribution of 9%.
3 6 2 4 8 5 9 7 1
Little has been said about mar-
7 9 5 1 6 2 8 3 4
keting Genius Juice as a temporary
intelligence booster, but the idea has 2 3 7 8 5 4 6 1 9
been explored. Plans are underway 1 4 8 3 9 6 7 2 5
to install vending machines with 6 5 9 2 7 1 4 8 3
Genius Juice at both the University
9 7 6 5 1 3 2 4 8
of Colorado at Boulder and Colo-
rado State University campuses. 5 2 3 6 4 8 1 9 7
CU and CSU refused to comment 8 1 4 7 2 9 3 5 6 COURTESY MINES ATHLETICS
on whether they would accept the
Puzzle by websudoku.com
Jeff Duggan. The military
machines. wants its haircut back.
Big man on campus
Mike Stone Mines Band and the announcer’s
Sports Enthusiast booth. “I let everyone get a chance
to do their thing. I just need a
Roaring past Western New little nod if it’s their turn to go.”
Mexico on Saturday afternoon, the From AC/DC and Journey to
Orediggers football team won their Kanye West and Disturbed, Dave
third game of the season 35-28. plays whatever the crowd needs to
Somewhere within the student stay alive for the players on the field.
section, speakers blasted pump-up Given the unmonitored nature of the
and crowd-pleasing music for all to music, Jeff Duggan has to make
hear. Students jumped, stomped, sure there is nothing offensive in the
clapped, and content. “We’ve
laughed to every “I let everyone get a got grandparents
song and movie and little kids in
quote that played chance to do their thing. the stands, so
as Jeff Duggan the last thing
clapped himself. I just need a little nod if we need is foul
The Sports In- language,” ex-
formation Direc- it’s their turn to go.” plained Duggan.
HILARY BROWN / OREDIGGER
tor (SID) for Mines Dave retort-
Varsity Athletics, Jeff marks his fifth ed, “I don’t play anything [exple-
year as SID at Mines. With a great tive deleted] offensive. I only play
background, he has to monitor all [expletive deleted] edited versions
public relations for varsity sports of songs and [expletive deleted]
including what may go out over the original movie quotes.” Dave then
air waves at football games. EN- punched an old woman in the
TER STUDENT SECTION MUSIC. face and took candy from a baby.
full interviews would be quoted An un-named student by the “Well, as long as he can guaran-
in this article, but the film reels name of Dave Blackham brings tee me there’s nothing bad in there,
were lost during post-production. his own speakers and computer I don’t want to spoil the intensity of
[Insert gratuitous sex scene here] to football games each Satur- the student section,” offered Dug-
The protagonist in this story of day to keep the crowd fired up. gan. There, on that fateful Saturday,
Hollywood drama has been the “There’s just not enough school for the first time in School of Mines
American public. So far in the story spirit and if this is what it takes to history, a paid employee completely
they have survived, and will likely last get butts in the seats, it’s worth trusted the word of a student. Jeff
until the end of the ordeal, but hope- paying off security to let me in,” Duggan is the coolest man on
fully not long enough to see a sequel. reported Dave. Dave’s music com- campus. No joke. Thank you, Jeff.
petes with the cheerleaders, the
Page 12 a d September 15,2008

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