Dissociative Frame For Handling Criticism In the area of communication, one of the most difficult tasks we face involves

the handling of criticism. How can we accept criticism as feedback and not get sucked into heavy emotion and do something foolish? Indeed, the problems we often have in handling criticism constructively lie in dealing with our feelings about being criticized. If we could handle those immediate negative emotions, we could respond constructively to the criticism. In your study of NLP you are learning the value of dissociation in the removal of emotion from an experience. Drawing upon this neurological phenomenon, Steve and Connirae Andreas developed a procedure for handling criticism. They learned this procedure by modeling people who 8 operated successfully in turning criticism into feedback. You need to maintain a resourceful state throughout the procedure. Recall a time when you were on top of the world. Choose a specific time when you felt like you could conquer hell with a water pistol. Associate into that time. See what you saw. Hear what you heard and feel what you felt. You may wish to create a self-anchor of this experience. If at any time during this procedure you begin to become aware of losing your resourceful state, fire , your resource anchor. 1. This procedure requires a dissociative state. See yourself at some distance (see Figure 6:1). If you have difficulty getting this picture of yourself, imagine seeing yourself in a photograph. To assist yourself in maintaining the dissociation, imagine a piece of plexiglass between you and the dissociated picture of yourself about to receive some criticism. Thus, since you see yourself "out there," any negative feelings you had during that time will seem "out there/' and you can feel curious about those feelings. 2. Dissociate from the criticism by seeing that you over there receiving the criticism. You will see that other you "out there" ready to deal with what is going to happen. Now see "out there" someone who criticizes you and that you have had difficulty dealing with. Watch yourself just prior to the other person's criticizing you. As soon as the criticism starts, see that you out there immediately dissociate. See another version of you step out of the first you, so that that they have dissociated from it. Now you see yourself twice in the picture. You are watching yourself receiving criticism. Thus you experience a double dissociation. I (BB) have trouble doubly dissociating myself by seeing myself twice. It trances me out too much to even function consciously. Other students have reported the same difficulty Fortunately, the procedure offers another option. So, double dissociate yourself by dissociating once (that is, seeing yourself once in the picture) and then see the words of the critic printed out in the air or on an imaginary blackboard. 3. Make a dissociated movie of the content of the criticism. Notice if you can make a complete movie of the criticism. Watch the dissociated you in the picture ask the other person questions until you can gather enough information to make a clear movie of what the person means. Oftentimes criticisms come to us so vaguely that we cannot make a clear representation. Such statements like, "You are rude" or "You are insensitive." Acknowledge the other person by saying, "I too feel concerned about that. Could you more specifically describe to me how I act in a rude way?"

4. Evaluate the criticism. Now that you have gathered sufficient information to run a clear representation of the criticism, decide what part of the criticism you agree with and what part you disagree with. Running a movie of the events as you understood them and comparing it with a movie of the events as the critic understands the situation works quite well in evaluating the criticism. Check for areas where the movies match and mismatch. Should your memory of the event appear significantly different from their criticism, gather more information by asking questions. 1. "Watching yourself watch yourself receiving criticism:" (Double dissociation) (Single dissociation) (You in first position) (Your critic) 2. "Watching yourself receiving criticism and seeing the words of the critic out on a banner (whiteboard, movie screen, out in the air, etc.):" (Double dissociation) See the words of the critic out on a banner (You in first position) (Your critic) figure 6:1 Dissociative Frame for Handling Criticism 5. Decide on your response. You now have all the information you need to respond. Your response will include what you agree with in the criticism and what you disagree with. Steve and Connirae write: "Exactly what response the you in front of you selects depends upon your 9 goals as a person, your values, your relationship to the other person, etc." In responding to the critic, respond first to those areas in the criticism that you agree with. Then share those areas you disagree with, and explain why you disagree. This will help to maintain rapport with the person. If you need to apologize, do so. 6. Change your behavior as a result of receiving new learnings from the criticism. If you have learned something about yourself from the criticism that needs changing, then begin now to re-adjust your behavior in the future. Future pace by actually imagining yourself in a similar situation in the future and notice how you will respond. Practice this procedure two or three times to install it in your unconscious mind. 7. Incorporate the part of you that learned this process. You have just observed yourself "out there" learning new ways to respond to criticism. Do you not wish for that learning to become a part of you? Sure, you do. If you have placed up a piece of Plexiglas, please remove it. Then reach out with your hands and pull that new you inside and give yourself time to integrate totally into your unconscious mind.