www.straight-talk.or.

ug
Inspiration Who is your role model?
A role model is someone you admire and
wish to be like. So, who is your role
corner
Hon. Denis Obua is the Youth MP for
model? What do you like or admire
about him or her? How do you think
Northern Uganda. He is married with one your role model's character can help
child. "To avoid violence in my marriage, I you? • Send us your honest stories.
listen to my wife, discuss openly and give
each other constructive criticism". If you are
in a relationship try to understand your
partner well. Avoid excessive
WINA
alcohol because it gives false TERM'S FEES.
courage. Also, change your WRITE TO THE
attitude. You do not need to
hurt your partner to prove that
BIG QUESTION,
you are man or woman STRAIGHT TALK,
07
enough! Stay safe. No. 8 August 20 PO BOX 22366,
Vol. 14 KAMPALA

Violence in
relationships
Violence fuels the HIV epidemic
"I had a friend who was beaten by her boyfriend because he went to the hospital and
found out he had syphilis. So he concluded that it was the girlfriend who brought the
disease. The boy hit the girl and they started a fight. The matter was reported to the
elders. They were advised to respect eachother and to avoid cheating on each other.
But this did not help. Hatred brewed between them. My friend decided to leave the boy
and now she is concentrating on her books. If she had continued with the relationship, I
think the boy would have killed her. Nazziwa A, 15, Kagongo Parent’s SS, Ibanda

D
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id you know that When someone uses abuse and

violence against you, it is always part
violence in relationships of a larger pattern to try and control
is one of the drivers of you.
the HIV epidemic? Although most people think that
Thats true. Available data indicates that violence violence in relationships happens
in relationships is one of the root causes of HIV. It only between married persons, the
is fuelled by gender norms, power differences and same kind of violence also happens in
society's attitude towards social responsibilities. adolescent relationships.
Violence is the physical, emotional and/or verbal Are you in a violent relationship or do
abuse of one partner by the other partner in a you have a friend who is in a violent
relationship. Abusive behavior is any act carried relationship? How are they managing?
out by one partner aimed at hurting the other.
Violence is about power and control.It can
happen in any relationship and by either partner. In the June Straight Talk
A violent relationship means more than being hit
by the person who claims to love or care about
quiz we asked
readers:
you. You may not be hurt physically, but verbal and "Why do young people experience violence in
emotional abuses are just as painful and often lead their relationships? What sort of violence do they
to physical violence. experience? Would you stay in a relationship that is
violent? How would you know if your partner is
violent or not? How would you handle it?"

Through the quiz we wanted to know the kind of

violence that exists in your relationships, what
causes it and how you handle it. Your views may
help someone in a violent relationship get out of
it. Thanks a lot for your letters.

Most of you said you would not stay in violent

relationships. But a few readers said they would
give their partners a second chance and help
them to change.

"My girlfriend was forcing me to have sex and yet I UNIQUE:

was not ready. So she decided to go and sleep with Sam K,
other men. Fortunately I found her and slapped her. an S6
This marked the end of our relationship. But after- student
wards I got so worried and could not concentrate in of Nyakasura
class. I went to a counselor and sought advice. It School,
helped me cope with the situation. People should Fort- Portal
know that girls too can cause violence not only in his
boys."Janmy Gerald, 18, S6, Ibanda SS
uniform. Can
Aisha and Gerald's stories are some of the many you find out
stories of violent experiences we want to discuss the history
in this issue. But first what do you know about behind
violence in teen relationships and what causes it? this school
Read on. uniform?
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
2 Straight Talk, August 2007
Causes of violence in teen relationships
Violence in adolescent relationships is influenced by how young people look at themselves and others. Girls are most
vulnerable to violence because boys often think they have power over them. But in some relationships, girls can also
be violent. Readers identified some causes of violence in their relationships.
Lack of communication that... always shifts blame on the misunderstandings.Namwosa C,
Violence is mainly caused by lack of
communication between partners.
other and having unrealistic expecta-
tions may cause problems. A partner
S4, Kamonkoli College, Mbale
Other causes
For example the use of the word my expect a lot from the other, which Unfaithfulness
"You", I told you, you did this and he/she cannot offer. This may cause Unfaithfulness, gossip, false stories Boys may believe:
and alcohol lead to misunderstand- • They have a right to co
ntrol their
ings. Namitala Phiona, Compre- partners as they wish
hensive College Kitetikka, • Being a man means be
ing
Wakiso physically aggressive
• They posses their partn
ers
Level of Education • They should and can
demand
Violence can happen if one partner intimacy
underlooks the other especially if • They may lose respect
if they are
there is a difference in the level of attentive and supportiv
e toward
education. Mukesha M, S6, St their girlfriends
Gatrude's Girls Voc. Sch. Kisoro
Girls may believe:
Hot temper • They are responsible for
sol
Hot tempered partners can be problems in their relation ving
violent. A simple mistake can lead to • Their boyfriend's jealou ships
sy,
a quarrel and this may result in a possessiveness and even
physical
fight and hurting one another. Also abuse is out of love
high sexual urge by some partners • Violence is normal be
cause their
may lead to harrassment and rape friends are also being ab
which may lead to break up. • They can cure a violen used
t boy-
Mawirwe D, St Getrude's Voc friend
SS, Kisoro • There is no one to ask
for help

Forms of violence teens face Sexual Abuse - is any kind

ST readers said that violence
in their relationships takes
the form of emotional, physi-
cal and sexual.
Emotional violence - harms
the person’s self esteem or
causes shame.
Examples include:
• repeated lies, broken promises,
withholding affection
• extreme jealousy that keeps a
partner away from friends or
interests
• insults and humiliation
• threats against a person’s safety
• controlling a person’s every
move, including how to dress,
what to eat, where to go
of unwanted sexual ad-
A partner can threaten and black- vance or contact.
mail you to do what they want. Sexual violence may include
Sometimes they humiliate you by everything from unwelcome
saying things that make you feel sexual comments, touching,
small. So you also get angry and kissing to intercourse.
may end up fighting. Forced sexual intercourse
Osinya D, Buwembe SS, Busia between two people who
know each other is called
Physical Abuse - causes physi- “date rape.”
cal pain or injury.
Examples include: Some boys have high sexual
• punching, kicking, or slapping libido. So they demand sex all
• shaking, pushing or grabbing the time. When the girl refuses
hard enough to cause discom- they end up fighting or even
fort raping them.
Mategeko J, St.
• any physical act that is unwanted Gertrude's Voc. SS, Kisoro
or hurtful - even tickling or
hugging if it is unwanted

Warning signs
You can choose better relationships, if you learn to identify Why stick in a violent
early warning signs of a violent relationship.
relationship?
I can know if my partner is violent if he takes a lot of alcohol, never respects himself concerned about losing social
or others. Tumusiime P R, S2 B, Comprehensive College, Kitetikka, Having a relationship with status with your peers.
Kampala someone is never worth
being hurt or feeling afraid. EMBARRASSMENT - Young
I would look at how he follows my decisions. If my partner tends to ignore my ideas But some people stay in people who ask for help (especially
then I would know he has violent tendencies. Also, if he does more talking than
listening it means he has dominating character and cannot listen to my opinions.
relationships even if they from parents) may perceive
are unhealthy. Why do themselves to be failures. Some
Ahimbisibwe A, S2, Katikamu SDA, Wobulenzi Luwero
they do that? believe that their parents will react
violently if they inform them of the
Most readers mentioned that early warning signs that abuse.
show your boy/girlfriend may eventually become violent LOVE - Abusers are not always
include: hurtful. Many abusers have a
likable and loving side that makes I would not stay in a relationship that
• Extreme jealousy is violent. It leads to long term
• Controlling behaviour their victims think that the abuse
would stop. Many victims think unhappiness and lack of peace of
• Mood swings mind. A relationship that is violent
• Alcohol and drug abuse they can change the abuser’s
behaviour. may lead to injur y or death due to
• Explosive anger fights. Arinaitwe K, Kyamakanda
• Isolating partner from friends and family SS, Rukungiri
• Using force during an argument FEAR - A partner may threaten to
• Being too sensitive on issues hurt him or herself if they decide to
leave. Do you know anybody who is
• Blaming others for his/her problems or a victim of such violence?
feelings • Listen and believe them
• Verbally abusive DOUBT - It is not always easy to
admit that the relationship you are • Support them and
• Has abused former partner • Encourage them to talk to
•Threatening you with violence in is abusive. If your partner is
popular at school (athletics, someone
You are a valuable person. You have choices and
you deserve to be treated with respect. academics, etc.) you may be
 3 Straight Talk, August 2007
Effects of violence in relationships
Violence can range from broken bones and bruised self-esteem to
permanent injury and even death. Victims may also come to view abuse
as a normal part of their relationships. Violence can prevent a young
person from growing and learning from healthy relationships.
to change the school. I settled down

Star letter even improved my performance.

Fellow girls always listen to your
elders and put academics first."
I had a boyfriend I loved so much. Kyasimire A, Kyakitanga SS,
One day he came and slapped me Mutara-Bushenyi
without explaining a thing. He heard
rumours that I had another boyfriend Kyasimire is the winner of a
but it was not true. I decided to leave term's fees for this issue. And
him. But he kept on abusing me and every letter used wins a Straight
telling everyone that I am a prosti- Talk T-shirt. Congratulations!
tute. This traumatized me. I could
not concentrate in class and it Effects of violence may
affected my performance. I decided include:
• Loss of appetite • Shame
• Mistrust of self and others
• Depression
• Fear • Terror • Self-blame
• Sadness • Confusion
• Anxiety • Guilt
• Suicide • Death Straight Talkers from Ibanda SS say Straight
Talk as made them what they are;
Are you in a violent
in
relationship? Believe Handling a violent partner
or ge t
yourself, get help
out of the relationshi p The best way to handle violence is by not accepting it at all. If you are a violent
person, seek counseling. Learn to share your problems with someone you
trust. They can help you. And if you are the one being violated talk to some-
yourself
Love your more
self more one too. If you cannot sort out issues leave the relationship and let your
partner know its over.
Many young people experience violence of some sorts in their relationships. It is
an unacceptable and a violation of rights. If your partner is violent, watch out! I was once in love with a guy who failed to confirm that I loved him. He would
Tell your partner how you feel. There is no shame in talking about it. always put me down whenever I gave out ideas. He couldn't tell me what his views
were. He used to stop me whenever I talked to guys. One day I heard that he was
Violent people will make you believe that you asked for it and therefore you cheating on me. When I tried to ask him, he roared and slapped me in public. I
deserve it. It is never your fault! Someone who cares for you should not want to could not bear his behaviour and chucked him there and then. Up to now we never
hurt you in any way. To hurt is to destroy. To destroy is to kill a relationship. talk or even send greetings to each other.
You may want to save face by keeping a violent partner, fearing that your friends Namanda M, S4, Comprehensive College Kitetikka, Wakiso
will laugh at you. Do not endure such behaviour. It is not worth it. You have a
choice to walk out. You are young and free. Your partner does not own you. You
do not have to feel chained. Do something for yourself. To build a safe and healthy relationship:
• Communicate often and clearly Talk
Sometimes if you have been in a relationship for a long time, you may feel you • Try to control your emotions
cannot live without this partner. That isn’t true. You can give them a • Respect your partner the way you wish Talk is
second chance only if they are willing to seek help. to be respected good
• Trust your instincts
Even if they apologised to you yesterday, you can tell that • Do not listen to rumours
your partner is violent by their words and actions through • Be faithful to each other Talk is
threats, abuse, possessive behaviour and not giving you healthy
space to make friends with people of the opposite sex and Violence should not be part of a normal
mistrust. Leave them if they don’t accept that they have a relationship because it involves behaviour,
problem and won't deal with it. which reaches far beyond what we usually
think. Healthy relationships call for treat-
To handle violence, talk with your partner. Talk should be ing others with respect, rather than humili-
sensible and calm. ating them. Prossy Jonker Nakanjako,
Counsellor: Falal Rubanga Jennifer, Child Rights Activist,
Ambrosoli International School, Kampala Raising Voices.
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Causes of obstetric parents' home. Nakakande Scovia, 17,

Ndagwe, Masaka
pregnancy. Although fistula is
technically a medical condition
resulting from obstructed labour and
Scovia's story is one of the many sad
experiences faced by young girls. lack of timely access to emergency
obstetric care, its causes are social,
The main cause of fistula cultural and economic.
is obstructed labour. It
Dear readers, did you get the This results in urine or the occurs when the unborn
July Straight Talk issue? We faeces or both to leak baby: Poverty, poor access to health sevices,
talked about obstetric fistula. uncontrollably through the • Does not fit through early childbearing, malnutrition and
Read and learn about the vagina. the girl's small pelvis lack of women empowerment to make
causes of obstetric fistula, a • Is not positioned health decisions are some of the
serious childbirth What causes obstetric correctly for delivery underlying factors.
complication. fistula?
I got pregnant when I was 17. I Obstructed labour
Obstetric fistula is an injury caused usually results in Prevention is key to ending fistula
during complicated child bearing. It started labour in the night after prolonged labour due to To prevent fistula:
supper. I was taken to a delays in: • Young girls should avoid early
occurs when a girl or woman fails
traditional birth attendant. I could • Deciding to seek care
to deliver normally and her internal pregnancy by delaying to have sex
not deliver. On the fourth day I • Reaching the health
organs get injured. facility and
Fistula is not a curse. It can be corrected • Pregnant women should attend
fainted. I was told that my antenatal care and deliver in a
husband hired a car and took me to • Recieving
Obstetric fistula a hole or holes that approapriate care at the facility health facility under skilled medical
develop between the: Kitovu hospital where I was rushed to the care
•Vagina and rectum threatre. They got the baby out, but he Who is at risk of developing • Mothers should attend postnatal
•Vagina and urethra was dead. When I woke up I realised, obstetric fistula? care (check-up and care given to
•Vagina and bladder urine was leaking. My husband left me for Obstetric fistula commonly occurs mothers after giving birth)
•Vagina, bladder and rectum another woman and I went back to my among girls experiencing their first
4 Straight Talk, August 2007
No safe days
Is it true that you can get
pregnant when you have sex

Dear
after periods? Nannengo J, 16,
S2, St Lawrence SS, Mityana
Yes, you can still get pregnant.
There are no safe days from

SYFA
pregnancy for young girls. You can
still get pregnant before, during
and after menstruation as long as
3666
2236
Boxx 22
O. Bo you have unprotected sex. Delay
P.P. O. sex or use condoms to avoid
M P A A L
KK AA M P A L A pregnancy and STDs.

Incest
I am in S1 I had sex with my
cousin and got pregnant. I do
not want to abort and leave
school. What can I do? FJ,
Busoga HS, Jinja
Thank you for saying no to
abortion. It is very risky to your life.
Continue saying no to whoever
may encourage you to abort. We
all make mistakes in life and it does
not bring life to an end. Talk to your
parents or a relative you trust
about the pregnancy. You also
need to visit a health facility for
antenatal care. After delivery, talk
to your parents/guardian about
going back to school. Do not lose
hope. Give yourself another
chance. You can still make it in life.
My boyfriend and I trust each
other. He promised to marry me
after studies. But when we are
together he touches me and this
arouses my sexual feelings. How
can I avoid this but maintain
our relationship? N B, S3, 17,
KP SS, Kibale
Talk to your boyfriend about what
may result from touches. Arousing
your sexual feelings may lead to
having sexual intercourse. Avoid
being in isolated places for long
hours with your boyfriend. Never
fear to tell your boyfriend anything
that does not make you happy.
Problem solving
I’m ever sad and upset when I
have problems. How can I deal
with this? G Jawotho, 18, S3,
Kugumba SS, Masindi
Sorry about that. Everyone
in life experiences such
feelings. Problems,
disappointments,
failure to achieve set
goals cause sad
feelings. What is most
important is never to
give up in life. Talk to a friend,
teacher or a counselor whenever
you have problems. They can
Pregnancy signs
When a girl gets pregnant, how
long does it take to be noticed
by other people? And what are
the signs of pregnancy?
Mukombozi I, S4, Nyakyera SS
Ntungamo
The best way to find out if one is
pregnant is by having a medical
checkup. However, there are some
obvious signs like if a girl misses her
periods after having unprotected
sex.
Infertility
How does infertility occur in
people who have already
started producing sperm?
Kisakye B, S3, 16,
Wairaka Modern SS,
Jinja
There are many causes
of infertility. One major
cause is sexually
transmitted
infections. These
are spread
I appreciate your
advice. You have made
many youth remain safe,
which is pleasing our old
people. Obaet Calvin,
17, Ongino SS, Kumi
through having unprotected sex
with an infected person. To prevent
STF Volunteer from Birmingham University UK (inset) talk
with students of Kaduggala SS, Masaka
No. That is not true, the main way
in which HIV is trainsmitted is
through unprotected sexual
intercourse with an infected
person. Do not fear to share
cups, plates with an HIV positive
person. People living with HIV
do need our love and care.
Virginity
My friend told me that if
you have sex with a
young boy you will not
lose virginity. Is it true?
NK, Garama SS, Kasese
A virgin is any person
who has not had sex with
another person. If you
have sex with any person
whether young or old
you will lose your
virginity. Delay sex and
keep your virginity. It
is valuable and no
one should
pressure you into
sex if you are not
ready. Just say no to
your friend.
Pressure to have sex
My friend and I have
boy friends. We have
never had sex but our
boyfriends are asking
for it. We are afraid of having
sex. But we are also worried that
they can leave us if we continue
refusing. Annet N, Namungona
HS, Kampala
Your boyfriends should not pressure
you to have sex. The fact that you
are worried shows that you are not
ready for sex. Before you have sex
with anyone you need to think of
the consequences that comes with
it. You could get pregnant and drop
out of school. You could also get an
STD. Talk to your boyfriends and let
them know how you feel about their
demands. If your boyfriends really
love you, they will respect your
concerns and keep the relationship.
But even if they leave you, you still
have a life ahead of you. You will get
other boyfriends. Counsellor:
Godfrey Walakira

Visit Hope Clinic Lukuli

advise you on how to deal with the
problems.
We advise youth to avoid bad
groups because they can lure you
into sex. R Alex, S Kalemire and B
Joshua, Kitolhu SS Kasese
STDs, delay to have sex or use
condoms. Remember to have an
HIV test before you have sex. It will
help you to stay healthy. Trreatment on T uesdays,
Tue
TD Counselling, T esting and T
Tes s, you need to
you
for SSTD
.T o access F
To FR R E E se rv ice
ay s an d we eken
eke ds
nd s. in g Au gust
Is it true that if you grow Frid at the clinic after read
without getting any feelings for report to the reception
a boy or girl you are abnormal? aig
St rrai htt T
gh alk
Tal k.
Namukasa P, Conbert Modern
Sch, Entebbe Other servicesnno ffered:
ent, free child
No. That is not true. Sexual feelings ing, and malaria treatm
• Maternity, family pla ting
for the opposite sex come at V counselling and tes
different stages of adolescent immunisation and HI d ou t of school
children in an
development. For some people it • Sports and games for
takes a long time. If you haven’t
experienced the feelings don’t
worry, at the right time you will. No Publisher: STRAIGHT TALK FOUNDATION
one should pressure you to find a Plot 4, Acacia Avenue, Kololo, P. O. Box 22366, Tel: 0312-262030,
boyfriend. 0312-262031, 0414-530088 Kampala (U), Fax: 0414-534858,
E-mail: strtalk@imul.com, strtalk@straight-talk.or.ug,
HIV Stigma
Is it true that if you share a room Web: www.straight-talk.or.ug Director: C. Watson, Deputy Director: T.
with a person infected by HIV Agutu, Editorial Manager: B. Kagoro, Editors: E. Kimuli, G.
you can also get infected? Awekofua. Writer: J. Abongowath Designers: G.B Mukasa,
Mugabirwe G, 14, Muhanga SS, M.eB Kalanzi Funded by DANIDA, DFID, SIDA
Kisoro Printer: The New Vision