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COVER DESIGNER: Jeff Sohn is a graduate of the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs at Syracuse University. His interests include politics and fishing, and he has a passion for traveling the world.

MSG JOURNAL SPRING 2012 |

Intergenerational Conflicts within Korean Families

Contents

Bridging the Cultural Gap

Reconnecting with Parents

Counseling Youth

Intergenerational Childrens Education Conflicts

Church and Families

Contributors
Editor-In-Chief: Margaret Park is a graduate of the Risk and Prevention Program at Harvard Graduate School of Education (HGSE). There she also earned a Certificate of Advanced Studies in counseling and She is also a licensed K-12 school counselor. Prior to pursuing her graduate studies at HGSE, Margaret earned a M. Ed. in Childhood Special Education from Hunter College, spent three years teaching in New York City, and taught one year in South Korea on a Fulbright fellowship. Currently a counselor in South Korea, she hopes that the newsletter will raise awareness on various mental health issues and benefit the readers. For any questions regarding this newsletter, please contact Margaret at margaretleepark@gmail.com. Editor Quaime Lee is a graduate of Harvard College, Harvard Divinity School, and Northeastern School of Law. His interests include theology and history and he has a passion teaching adult learners. Layout Editor Samuel Odamah is an administrative staff member at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. His interest in connecting with people has led to cherished friendships in several cultures including the Korean and Chinese communities. Samuel studied Architecture, and recently, Arts in Education at schools in Texas, Wisconsin, and Boston. Samuel enjoys giving architectural tours of Harvard and MIT campuses.

Uncommon Ground

Bridging the cultural gap between immigrant Korean parents and their 1.5 and 2.0 Korean American children
By Josephine Kim, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC

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Josephine M. Kim, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC, is the founding executive director of Mustard Seed Generation and Lecturer on Education in Prevention Science and Practice/CAS Counseling at the Harvard Graduate School of Education.

In my 16 years of counseling, most of the problems that have been brought to my attention by Korean families have been due to cultural differences between the parents and their children. With that in mind, lets examine the main cultural differences that cause conflicts in our families. ONE: Individualistic American culture says the I is the most important, and ones opinions and feelings are highly valued. On the other hand, Korean culture says, what matters more is the We. Korean culture follows a collectivist mentality in which the groups ideals and needs are privileged over one persons thoughts or feelings. TWO: American culture says that being independent is not only healthy but necessary to becoming an adult; however, Korean culture holds that interdependence of those in the group creates our cultural identity, which in turn passes on our heritage and tradition. THREE: Furthermore, American and Korean cultures see the centrality of the family differently. In American culture, personal needs trump familial needs, but in Korean culture, the familys needs are put first. In fact, children are seen as an extension of the parents, and they exist to bring honor to the family.

So what can be done to bridge this cultural gap? While it can be a long, challenging process, here are five steps that can help to improve the relationships between parents and their children: ONE: We must all realize it is normal and appropriate for our families to experience intergenerational conflicts because the two cultures we are balancing are extremely different. We need to accept this difficult process as healthy, natural, and even necessary. This attitude adjustment will allow us to approach the situation calmly and rationally. TWO: The next step to bringing healing is to educate Korean American children on Korean culture and to provide a cultural context for their identity. Once they begin to understand Korean culture, they will begin to understand their parents more deeply. THREE: Parents must talk about the Korean culture with their children, giving special attention to comparing and contrasting it with American culture, without condemning American culture. The key is to remain as objective as possible and not present the distinctions as wrong and right but simply as different.

FOUR: Not only is it important for children to become familiar with the Korean culture, but parents must also begin to make an effort to understand American culture. Parents and children need to talk openly and regularly with parents creating space for children to teach them about American culture. Parents also need to adopt those American ways of parenting that have been found to be the most effective with immigrant children. Primary among these is a more transparent communication of feelings and thoughts. FIVE: Parents must also spend quality time with their children. When parents and children do not spend time together, it is natural that relationships will become distant and uncomfortable, regardless of the cultural background. Time is well spent in activities and conversations that build meaningful relationships. Each parent should have time set apart for each child during the week, and each family should have at least one weekly family gathering. Without such time and energy investments, stronger relationships cannot be forged and understanding cannot take place.

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Reconnecting with parents through the help of intervention

By Shinye Kim

Shinye Kim is a graduate of Busan National University with a B.A in Education and a graduate of the Risk and Prevention Program at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She is currently a Ph.D student at University of WisconsinMilwaukee.

When we talk about improving communication between parents and children, we mainly focus on the role of parents and how they should initiate conversations with their children. However, this demonstrates a bias which implies that only parents are responsible for communicating with their children. While I worked as an adjustment counseling intern at a high school in Boston, MA, the most common finding among my students was that they did not really talk with their parents. This motivated me to study this trend more closely. Soon enough, I became frustrated at the literature that only focused on the parents role and responsibility. From my personal experience and observations of students, I believe it is just as important for students to take ownership of their interactions with their parents. I myself did not talk very much with my parents about my problems when I was in grade school, but over time, I

have realized that it is extremely helpful and important to do so. families function best during adolescent development when families are adaptable and cohesive (Gaughan, 1995; Green, Harris, 1991). Links between the communication that occurs in the family and adolescent outcomes have been long found. Positive developmental outcomes such as school achievement (Gerogiou, 1995; Marta,1997), selfesteem, and the ability to resolve difficult life issues, have all been linked with communication that is perceived as open by students. Conversely, research has also shown that detrimental adolescent outcomes such as delinquency, pregnancy, self-harm, rebelliousness, and alcohol and drug abuse are linked to communication between parents and adolescents that is perceived as closed, conflictual, emotional, one-sided, or devoid of certain topics (Andrews & Others, 1995).

Thus, I propose a four-part group workshop intervention model. I chose a group workshop because when students are with people who share similar issues, they can exchange meaningful feedback and gain a sense of altruism. There is also universality in knowing they have a shared experience. It is important to provide them with a safe space to disclose personal issues, so a facilitator whom they can trust is a must in order for this to work. First, psychoeducation would include educating students about the importance of taking responsibility for their communication with parents. I wish that I had learned this earlier, especially during my middle and high school years. Research has shown that (Continued on next page)

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Reconnecting with Parents With the Help of Intervention

Before too much teaching takes place, students should be encouraged to share their feelings, and the facilitator should normalize and validate the students feelings and frustrations with regard to communication with their parents. After the psycho-education, five weeks of group counseling-based workshops would follow. For the first week, there would be an introduction to the group and students would establish group norms. The facilitator would also assure them of the confidentiality of the workshops. The students would then talk about general experiences with their parents. This would not need to be very detailed, but the first week ought to include the students sharing thoughts about their own experiences. The main focus of the first session would be to build rapport and cohesion in the group. In the second week, the facilitator would introduce the second part of the intervention: role-playing. During these sessions, the students would pair off, create scenarios, and act them out, with one being the child and one being the parent. The scenarios might be based on their own experiences or the students might come up with hypothetical cases. Imagining themselves as parents could help them wear their parents shoes. After the pairs have played out their scenarios, the rest of the students would observe and offer feedback. In the end, all of the students would share what they felt about the activity and each others roleplays. Week three would involve introducing a reflection section on their Try-Out activity and discussion. Try-Out is a way for students to plan and practice a conversation and to actually have one successful conversation with their parents. Some students might think that it is the adults responsibility to force them to talk. Yet it is very important to remind them of the crucial role they play in communicating with parents. Some might feel that talking less with parents is natural as one gets older. It is understandable that teenagers want to find their own path

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and make their own choices. However, the facilitator should mention the benefits of talking with parents, noting, You probably want their help, advice, support, or just their company at times. This is also a good opportunity to mention that talking to parents can seem difficult or intimidating at times, especially when discussing certain subjects. Students would be encouraged to share their thoughts with the group members after the event. Even if the conversation was not as successful as they had hoped, it would still be valid due to the effort that was made. By doing this activity, the students would be able to gain confidence in initiating conversations with their parents while seeing various examples from other group members about how to start. During the fourth week, group members would make critical friends. Students would share one parental communication issue that they have had and the rest of the group members would provide meaningful suggestions to help the student solve the issue. The presenting students would focus on areas in which they are especially interested in getting feedback. Later, the group would have a clarifying question time in which group members would ask questions of the presenter. The group members then would discuss the presenters issue and brainstorm about the solution. Lastly, group members, including the presenter, would all talk together about the presented issue.

For the last week, group members would have a wrap up time. Following the group counseling form, termination would be similar to a group counseling termination session. Students would be encouraged to talk about their feelings and thoughts on the group activities and share them with other group members. With respect to evaluating the intervention, students would first selfreport after each session about how they felt and what knowledge they gained. Future interventions would be adjusted to accommodate the feedback. Five to six weeks later, the counselor would conduct a phone interview with parents about how they felt about the intervention. Through this conversation with the parents, the facilitator could in turn offer constructive feedback to the students. Even if the students did not feel that they had done a good job, their parents might feel the difference and appreciate their efforts.

References Andrews, D. W., & Others, A. (1995). The adolescent transitions; Education and Treatment of Children, 18(4), 478-98. Barnes, H. L., & Olson, D. H. (1985). Parent--adolescent communication; Child Development, 56(2), 438. Carlin, D. W. (1996). "Confirmingstruggle final report Enger, J. M., & Others, A. (1993). Internal/External locus Guo, Y. (2009). Communicating with parents; Journal of Educational Thought, 43(2), 171-190. Moorhead, P. H. (1972). Overcoming the communication gap ; Journal of the National Association of College Admissions Counselors.

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Counseling Korean American Youths

by Margaret Park
Margaret Park is a graduate of the Risk and Prevention Program at Harvard Graduate School of Education (HGSE), where she earned an M.Ed. as a prevention specialist. She also earned a Certificate of Advanced Studies in counseling at HGSE and is a licensed K12 school counselor.

As someone who was born and raised by Korean parents in the United States, I am aware of the many challenges that Korean Americans face including, immigration traumas, the necessity to navigate two cultures, and intergenerational conflicts between parents and children. I also have had experience counseling Korean American youth in clinical and school settings and have found that my clients/students bring up similar issues. I asked some of my esteemed colleagues who also are currently counseling Korean American youth to share their insights from their own counseling experiences. The counselors I interviewed observed that their clients seemed to be overly concerned with parental expectations, school success, and getting into a good college. They also expressed worry over making decisions. Moreover, many counselors described their Korean American clients expressing feelings of inadequacy and ensuing shame and guilt. Korean American youth are fortunate to have access to school counselors, whose responsibilities include supporting students so they can be successful in school. The counselors roles encompass not only providing a safe space for students to talk about and process the counselor to be empathetic

various life issues but also supporting students with personal/social and career development issues. Overall, counselors play a vital role in guiding students to make informed decisions and ensuring that students become well-adjusted and assiduous adults. As counselors, it is helpful that we are aware that our values may influence our practice. Effective counselors have a strong sense of self-awareness; they also understand their own cultural conditioning, the conditioning of their clients, and the sociopolitical system they (the counselors) are in (Corey, 25). When working with Korean American students, it is useful to keep in mind-without making overly broad generalizations about the cultural characteristics--the values, family dynamics, acculturation issues, and help-seeking patterns and attitudes. One should recognize the impact of family on Korean Americans and, as often as possible, the use of family counseling as the principal treatment modality. In other words, if a student is having difficulties stemming from family dynamics, counselors may also find it helpful to encourage outside family counseling. However, because of Korean Americans sensitivity to shame and unfamiliarity/skepticism toward counseling, the chances of their considering therapy can be low (Kim, 2005). Thus, it is important for

with any discomfort, learn effective communication methods, and find means to help the individual he or she is working with. One of my former professors recommended that counselors should strive to understand cultural differences between western and Korean cultures. She advised avoiding simply encouraging students to do what feels right or making individual choices that make one happy without considering cultural deference to parents. Overall, she suggested encouraging a holistic development of self, which includes all aspects of healthy development, including but not limited to the intellectual part. It is important to recognize that both Korean and American cultures have many positive aspects. There is value in appreciating the strengths of both cultures and viewing the idiosyncrasies of each culture as different as opposed to wrong, so steps can be taken towards bridging the gaps between parents and children and ultimately creating a safe and loving environment for families.

References Corey,G. (2009). Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy. Yea Sun Eum, K. (2005). Guidelines and Strategies for Cross-Cultural Counseling Journal of Multicultural Counseling & Development, 33(4), 217-231.

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Immigrations impact on intergenerational conflict

By Jennifer Sohn, Ed.M., C.A.S
Korean American adolescents must balance two starkly different worlds: the American world outside the home and the world of their nonAmericanized families (Kim, Sarason, and Sarason, 2006, p. 6). This aim of integrating and balancing both Korean and American cultures can lead to conflict between parents and children, particularly in the acculturation experiences of both parties. Varied rates of acculturation can exacerbate conflict between parents and children and can manifest itself as emotional distance between parents and children, interpersonal problems, lack of self-confidence and assertiveness, and anxiety and depression (Ahn et al., 2008, p. 353). Kim et al. (2006) found that Korean parents acculturation levels are critical to their childrens psychological health. Acculturation involves four classifications: Integration (a balance of both cultures); Separation (adhering to only the Korean culture); Assimilation (completely adopting American culture;: and Marginalization (rejecting both Korean and American culture) (Kim, Cain, & McCubbin, 2006). As may be expected, Korean American, integrated adolescents are much healthier emotionally than marginalized adolescents. Korean American children and parents find themselves in conflict because they must confront multiple issues of integration (acculturation) and identity simultaneously. In a culture in which Confucian ideals are

Jennifer Sohn is a graduate of HGSE and Wellesley College. She Table of Contents loves her immigrant parents very much and is happy to be able to make them proud.

embedded even in the language structure, parents often equated being American with loss of respect for elders that is, the opposite of what it means to be Korean (Lew, 2006, p. 77). As they strive to transition into American culture, first generation mothers and fathers are more likely to be focused on providing for the basic needs for their children and families rather than learning American culture and English (Kim & Wolpin, 2008, p. 115). As a result of this focus on survival and because the parents are struggling with their own acculturation, parents may find that they are unable to adequately address their childrens needs. Negotiating the cultural beliefs, values, and attitudes implicitly absorbed during childhood (Kim et al., 2006, p. 6) as well as the incongruity between their parents values, and the values held by American society (Kim et al., 2006, p. 6) is a really difficult task for Korean American adolescents. This tension between the values at home and outside of the home can impact adolescents self-identity, which can lead to psychological distress (Kim et al., 2006). At the same time, Korean American parents know that their children need to be knowledgeable about American values and customs in order to be successful both academically and socially (Kim & Wolpin, 2008), but this does not diminish their desire for their children to be bilingual and bicultural.

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Immigrations impact on intergenerational conflict

Education is seen as a tangible method through which Korean American children can advance in American society. Korean parents see education as an effective, if not the only, way to achieve economic mobility (Lew, 2006, p. 27), however, parents are not the only ones who hold this belief. Lew (2006) found that Korean American children also believe that education is the key to long-term economic and career successes. Even though Korean American children also had academic aspirations, Lew (2006) also found that they struggled to reconcile their parents expectations and desires with their own expectations and desires. Korean American parents lofty expectations and close surveillance of the childrens progress may be interpreted by their children as signs of distrust, hostility, and disapproval and parents may feel betrayed and upset that their children are not making choices that are consistent with their cultural values (Ahn et al., 2008, p. 354). It is quite natural for Korean parents to get together and talk about their children, the colleges they attend, what careers they plan to pursue, and what career they have achieved. While their childrens success may be of great pride to Korean parents, some of the children expressed resentment and anger toward their parents and coethnic adults, reacting to objectification based on their achievements. Korean American students are not only expected to excel in school, but their performance is tied to their family reputation: How parents were perceived by their coethnic peers hinged, in part on how their children performed in school (Lew, 2006, p.37). As a result, Korean American children feel the pressures of academic success on an individual as well as collective level: the students successes have the power to provide social mobility and honor to the family, but can also be a source of shame and/or social exclusion (Lew, 2006) and they also feel that their parents are unable to give them the practical tools (advice about school or Table of Contents jobs) to succeed, but nevertheless expect excellence. By applying a culturally sensitive approach to conflict resolution and given that a traditional Korean parent-child relationship is characterized by respect and obedience, cognitively flexible children could have the skills to develop creative methods to accommodate this traditional cultural expectation while satisfying their own needs (Ahn et al., 2008, p. 360). Children and parents both play a critical role in understanding one another in the context of their immigration histories and can benefit greatly from communicating with one another about their lives. By providing insight on parents histories as well as exploring the realities of living in America, children and parents can begin to bridge the intergenerational gap.

I am proud to be Korean American!

I am proud to be Korean American

References Ahn, A. J., Kim, B. S. K., & Park, Y.S. (2008). Asian cultural values gap, cognitive flexibility, coping strategies, and parent-child conflicts among Korean Americans. Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology, 14 (4), 353-363. Kim, D., Sarason, B. R., & Sarason, I.G. (2006). Implicit social cognition and culture: Explicit and implicit psychological acculturation, and distress of Korean-American young adults. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 25 (1), 1-32. Lew, J. (2006). Asian Americans in Class:

Charting the Achievement Gap Among Korean American Youth. New York, NY:

Teachers College Prep. Kim, E., Cain, K., & McCubbin, M. (2006). Maternal and paternal parenting, acculturation, and young adolescents psychological adjustment in Korean American families. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, 19 (3), 112-129. Kim, E. & Wolpin, S. (2008). The Korean American family: Adolescents versus parents acculturation to American culture. Journal of Cultural Diversity, 15 (3), 108-116. Moon, S.S. (2008). Acculturation, social support, and family conflict: Korean-American adolescents perceptions. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 25 (3), 227-240.

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Parents passion for childrens education and intergenerational conflicts

By SooHyun Baek
Soohyun Baek earned her Ed. M in Human Development and Psychology at HGSE. She is currently a researcher at Korea Research Institute for Vocational Education and Training (KRIVET) in Seoul.
excessive focus on education while ignoring their childrens desires and opinions. In general, an unhealthy parental emphasis on their childrens education is expressed through the parents unreasonable educational expectations of their children, excessive control over their study habits, or pressure for better achievement. All of these behaviors and attitudes trigger various types of intergenerational conflicts. You et al. (2000) found that more than 27% of runaway teenagers in Korea left home as a way out of parental control and schoolwork pressure. Parents stress on school performance not only causes external issues such as student delinquency but it also triggers students internal conflicts like mental stress. In Hyun et al. (2003), many Korean students demonstrated emotional difficulties and psychological stresses like test anxiety due to their parents expectations of school achievement. Among all school-aged students, Middle school students in particular, who experience rather dramatic physical and psychological changes, were the most susceptible to those stresses. They reported that they felt significant mental pressure when their parents expected improvement on school performance; when they were told to study hard at home; and when their parents compared their grades with those of their peers. Given that the educational enthusiasm is rooted in a universal desire of parents to provide their children with better education, its resulting problems should not be unique to in Korea. Yet this zeal seems to be causing more serious social problems when compared to other countries. This is because the conflicts are being uniformly manifested across a whole society that places a high priority on attending prestigious universities. This is grounded in the historical and cultural background that emphasizes the important role and status of school in the Korean society (Hyun et al., 2003). Therefore, on one hand, education programs for appropriate child education should be developed for parents to change the negative trend of Korean educational enthusiasm to a healthy and positive direction. On the other hand, it is important to provide educational and mental support systems for children to minimize the intergenerational conflicts aroused by Korean parents educational enthusiasm, such as programs to help students to better understand their parents generation and to communicate more effectively with their parents; and group or individual counseling to support them in dealing with their mental and emotional difficulties. Furthermore, governmental efforts in establishing a climate that appreciates individual abilities more than individual academic credentials or backgrounds will be another key to helping to deal with this issue from its root.

Korean parents are famous for their passion for childrens education. According to Korean national statistics, 13% of the average total income per household is spent on childrens educationthe second largest household expenditure (Statistics Korea, 2010). The parents passion for childrens education has served as an impetus of remarkable economic growth and national development of Korea (Jung, 2009; Hyun et al., 2003). However, nowadays parental zeal concerning their childrens educational advancement is being criticized due to various educational issues associated with this enthusiasm (Hyun et al., 2003). Particularly, many intergenerational conflicts within Korean families are often caused by parents excessive emphasis on education and the resulting demands on their children (Hyun et al., 2003; You et al., 2000; Cho, 1999 etc.). Last year, a 13year-old boy deliberately set fire to his house and killed his entire family, including his parents, younger sister and grandmother. His rage was against his father for not allowing him to attend an arts high school and for forcing him to go to an academic high school, which led him down a path of no return (Josunilbo, Oct. 21. 2010). This tragedy was the result of parents

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How the church can help families bridge the generation gap
By David Larry Kim

David Larry (DL) Kim is the Lead Pastor at Harvest, an inter-generational Englishspeaking congregation of the Korean Presbyterian Church of Orlando. He is joyfully married to Olivia and is the happy father of Emmanuelle (Manny). He is thrilled and cannot wait to meet his son who will be joining his family soon.
I remember I was hanging out with a group of people the first time I heard someone say it. It had been a long night and it was time to go home. I remember being appalled that someone had actually thought, and I was even more shocked when someone said out loud, Lets make like a Korean church and split. There is a steadily growing rift in many first and second-generation Korean American churches, leading to divisions not because of politics or preferences or sin, but because of generational issues. Some of these are legitimate and healthy. Others are not. Unfortunately, one of the primary Godgiven means to bringing healing has become the cause of pain for many. But it doesnt have to be that way. In his book Courageous Leadership Bill Hybels writes, There is nothing like the local church when its working right. Its beauty is indescribable. Its power is breathtaking. Its potential is unlimited. . . Whatever the capacity for human suffering, the church has a greater capacity for healing and wholeness. . . I believe that the Korean church can still be this kind of place--of beauty, power, potential and healing. Were seeing it in our little corner of the world in Orlando. For the past nine years, our English-speaking congregation has been intentional about being inter-generational, including incorporating youth and adults in worship. We now have worshipers between the ages of 12 and 50 with roughly 40-45% being students and the remainder being single or married adults. This has fostered a family-friendly environment where mentoring can naturally take place. In keeping with the call of Kara Powell of Fuller Youth Ministry, Mark Matlock of Youth Specialties, and others, we have actively encouraged the older generation to lead the younger better and for the younger congregants to pray for those who

have paved the way for them. But ministry is not fully intergenerational unless families are involved. So we began meeting with our Korean-speaking congregation, to which many of the parents belong. Out of this came a desire to bring together parents, teachers and youth, which spawned bi-monthly ParTAY! Times (Parent, Teacher, And Youth). These meetings were birthed out of a longing to create systems for the church to work alongside families in the discipleship and healing ministry of our youth. Our Korean-American culture has become so busy and so specialized that parents outsource almost everything to others. Our children take piano lessons from one person, use a tutor for help in school, and attend sports practices with still someone else. One family in Orlando even hired a nanny every day to watch TV with the children so that the mother could sleep and watch TV in her own room undisturbed for hours every day! Our ParTAY! Times were thus borne out of necessity. While outsourcing has some benefit, the responsibility for raising and spiritually discipling children must be a collaborative effort. We saw the devastating effects of sin in the lives of our youth when these roles have been outsourced or ignored.

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How the church can help families bridge the generation gap
Furthermore, the senior pastor of our Korean Ministry (KM) also did not want to see this generation lost. Therefore, we began to communicate this to our key youth leaders and the parents of our youth. We took extensive surveys of parents and youth, asking them about their relationships, their struggles, their secrets, seeking to create a culture of openness. Blindly thinking the best of their kids, so many parents did not want to believe that their children were suffering or at risk. But once they saw that the crisis was real and within their own homes, they were ready to listen. Many were shocked at the extent to which their own children struggle with issues such as same-sex attraction, drug use and suicidal thoughts. Yet into this brokenness, grace and the gospel can truly be received. We framed our ParTAY! Times as a collaboration between the church and families to help raise disciples of Christ. Each month, prior to the meeting, we would distribute either surveys or questionnaires to prime the pump for the ParTAY! Time. When the day came, we would provide lunch before meeting together in the main sanctuary. To facilitate communication we would begin with an update on the youth ministry, followed by sharing a few words to frame the discussion. Then there would be a large-group teaching on a given topic, such as communication, love languages, cultural differences and struggles teens face. After large group time, participants went to their respective Sunday School classes. There, parents and children would meet in discussions facilitated by the teachers. As a culture of trust became established, and attendees came to see that the other parties were not the enemy, great potential for healing became clear. From the outset, many tears were shed. Secrets were revealed. Hurts were surrendered. Forgiveness was extended. Reconciliation occurred. It is said that Revealing the feeling is the start of healing. For many, ParTAY! Times were the beginning point of healing. During one session, Young, the father of a high-school junior named Sang, spoke of how proud he was of his son. Sang had an older brother named Myung who was brilliant at math. Young was a math professor in Korea and always doted on Myung because he saw so much of himself in him. Whenever Myung did well in school, Young praised and celebrated him. Sang on the other hand, was a state champion soccer player but was never recognized for his talents. When Young began to share about how much he loved his son and asked forgiveness for the favoritism he had shown to Myung, tears streamed down Sangs face. He would later tell his dad, I never knew that you loved me that much. As a result of these gatherings, testimonies have flowed freely. ParTAY! Times have opened up opportunities for teachers to get involved in the lives of the families outside of church. Parents have invited teachers into their homes so that together they can better minister to their children. Parents feed the teachers great food and teachers have acted as bridges between the parents and their children. As a result, parents and their children are talking more at home. Children have begun to view the home as a safe place to be real and vulnerable. Teachers have emphasized the need for families to worship, share and Table of Contents pray together. During family worship, parents and children are now talking about issues in their lives that would otherwise not have been shared. One high school student who had long harbored bitterness and mistrust towards her parents said that her family had committed to regular devotion time, no matter how hard it may have been. In the midst of praying for one another, she said that her eyes started to water at the joy of worshiping the Lord with her family. This would not have happened without the prodding of her teacher. As a result, a generation is growing up embracing family and appreciating the breathtaking power and potential of the church. People have said that the church is always just one generation away from extinction. However, it is possible for a generation to be saved. AND it is possible for a generation to see the life-giving power of the church. But in order for the next generation to be nurtured in hope and faith, it must be a joint effort

We must do this together.

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What is SO great about a son anyway?

By Sarah Sunah Hyun
At 5:30 AM, the phone rang. The tranquility of dawn was unexpectedly broken. Hello? my mom answered the phone quietly. Few minutes later she slowly put the phone down and she burst out crying. I did not know why she was crying nor did I know that it was my grandfather who had called that morning. I was only 10 and too young to understand the agony my mother faced in her daily struggle with my grandparents about not giving them a son. When the 9 oclock news aired the previous night, there was a news report about a 3.5 kg baby boy who was thrown away by a 15-year-old girl after delivering him in a public restroom. My grandfather had called the next morning to tell my mom to adopt that baby. My father is the eldest son of the Hyun family (a.k.a. ), and according to the tradition and ritual, our family needed a son who can carry down the family name. Even though my immediate family was very happy with my sister and me, my grandparents obviously were not. I used to hate the fact that I was a girl. If only I was born as a son, my parents and grandparents would have been extremely happy. Also, my mother would not have to go through such emotional stress over the years. It wasnt until years later that I realized this reality in my family was not just from having mean grandparents; in fact, a lot of Korean daughters-in-law have undergone cold rebukes because they did not have a son. (a place where people pay money to

Sarah Hyun graduated from Harvard Graduate School of Education (HGSE) and is currently working at Korean Educational Development Institute in Korea.

receive a meaningful name from a fortuneteller; a lot of mothers used to visit to obtain a name that will bring a son to their family) were very popular among my mothers generation. Many books were published that taught mothers how to conceive a son. It was common to see many families with five/six daughters and have a son as the youngest child. Many women led a difficult married life at the hands of their parents-in-law because they did not have a son. There were many rituals that the family would celebrate whenever the son was born, but none for the birth of a daughter. Rather than celebrating having a girl, many mothers felt ashamed and were

neglected. What was so great about the son? Why did many women including my mother have to suffer so much because of something that cannot be controlled? I believe nobody in this world can give a legitimate answer to that question. Who can be the judge of whether the son is greater than the daughter? Many countries--including Korea--have (had) male chauvinistic cultures. Women (girls) are still suffering astonishingly because of such bias. Thankfully, Korea has changed as evidenced in my sisters relationship with her mother-in-law. Even though my sister had a daughter as her first child, my niece was very welcomed and loved. Young parents from our generation prefer a daughter rather than a son. There is a funny saying, 2 200, 1 1 100, 2 0. It shows how much the rotten intergenerational conflict between my grandparents and parents generation has changed. Now my mother chuckles when she reminisces about her relationship with my grandparents. Often when she visits my grandfathers grave, she murmurs to my grandfather how she is proud of her two daughters. I truly hope Korean (daughters-in-law) no longer suffer or experience painful conflicts with their parents-in-law due to something that is Gods will.

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Chuseok
by Shinye Kim
Chuseok is a major harvest festival and a three-day holiday in Korea, originally known as Hangawi ( ) (from archaic Korean for great middle). Falling on the 15th day of the 8th month of the lunar calendar, its concept is similar to the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S.
Origins Historically and according to popular belief, Chuseok originates from Gabae. Gabae started during the reign of the third king of the kingdom of Silla (57 BC 935 AD), involving a month-long weaving contest between two teams. On the day of Gabae, the team that had woven more cloth would win and be treated to a feast by the losing team. However, it is also said that Chuseok marks the day Silla won the great victory over the rival kingdom of Balhae. It is believed that weaving and archery competitions and martial arts demonstrations were held as part of the festivities. Many scholars also believe Chuseok may originate from ancient shamanistic celebrations of the harvest moon.

Chuseok is a major harvest festival and a three-day holiday in Korea, originally known as Hangawi ( ) (from archaic Korean for great middle).

Traditional Customs In modern South Korea, on Chuseok there is a mass exodus of Koreans to their hometowns to pay respect to the spirits of their ancestors. People perform ancestral worship rituals early in the morning. They often visit the tombs of their immediate ancestors to prune plants and clean the area around the tomb, and offer food, drink, and crops to their ancestors. Harvest crops are attributed to the blessing of ancestors. One of the major foods prepared and eaten during the Chuseok holiday is songpyeon (), a crescent-shaped rice cake which is steamed upon pine needles. Other foods commonly prepared are japchae, bulgogi, and fruits.

Folk Games A variety of folk games are played on Chuseok to celebrate the coming of autumn and a rich harvest. Village folk dress themselves to resemble cows or turtles and go from house to house, along with a Nongak band playin gmusic. Other common folk games played on Chuseok are tug-of-war, ssireum, archery, and gama fighting, although folk games also vary from region to region. The Gangansulae dance, forming a circle under the moon, is performed by women and children in southwestern coastal regions, while cockfighting and bullfighing occur in the southern regions.

References The Academy of Korean Studies, ed. (1991), "Chuseok", Encyclopedia of Korean People and Culture, Woongjin (in Korean) Farhadian, Charles E. (2007). Christian Worship Worldwide. Wm. Bm. Eerdmans Publishing. Korea University Institute of Korean Culture, ed (1982). "Social Life". Korean Heritage Overview. 1. Korea University (in Korean)

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