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Gender [Make sure paragraph indentation is five to seven spaces or one tab stop] Identity and Behavior Ingrid [If this is a city or county name, place comma before state (or country) name] Oregon PSY/340 September 29, 2012 Steve Lazarre

Gender Identity and Behavior

Gender identity is a persons sense of being [Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)--If not a noun (as in "human being"), the word "Being" is hard to imagine; it means "existing." Try to rewrite this without using "being"-with action words like "attending," "working," "living," "experiencing," simply "as"--or even removing "being" completely] male or female. There are different ways that gender can be identified [The passive voice is a form of "be" (be) and a participle (identified). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Prefer the active voice. For example, passive voice = The paper was completed on time. Active voice = the student completed the paper on time. See Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] . Biology and environment play a big role in the identification of gender. This paper will discuss [Doctoral-level comment (but recommended for any collegiate writer)--Avoid anthropomorphisms (attributing human characteristics to nonhuman or inanimate objects). Consider that no paper can "discuss."] hormone and behavior interaction as well as biological and

environmental influences on sexual differentiation. It will also discuss if nature or nurture has the greater influence on gender identity. Hormones play a big role in the human body. Hormones and behavior interact by determining who you [Eliminate second person (you, your) in academic documents and avoid addressing the reader directly. Prefer third-person pronouns (he, she, they, it)] are. During conception [Check spelling: this word means "the process of conceiving an idea, etc."; consider using "concept"] Ones sex is determined [Passive voice ] by ones twenty [Express numbers higher than nine in digits (when not the first word in the sentence)] third pair of chromosomes, which are the sex chromosomes. The X chromosome is found in both female and male. Females have two X chromosomes and males have only one. Testosterone is the most important hormone found in males. Testosterones hormone is produced [Passive voice ] by both male and female, but males have much more. The additional testosterone in the male is what stimulates ["is what" is awkward. Try something like "...the male stimulates"] the growth of the male sex organs. Testosterone can affect the behavior of a female by making her more manly, and aggressive. This interaction between hormones and behavior can affect the determination of gender identity by the level of testosterones found in the individual. There are hormonal critical periods on a human during the time when they are going through puberty. During this time the body is changing, is at this time when hormonal anomalies can result in confused sexual identity. Studies discovered that fetal and androgenized girls raised as girls were considered [Passive voice ] tomboys by their peers. They were similar to a male individual in attitudes, grooming, achievement and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] sexuality (Hetherington &Parke, 2002). What roles do biology and environment play in gender identity? [Writing suggestion: Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing. A good idea is to provide answers, not questions] Biology and environment play a big role in gender identity as well. They both have a very big effect in identification of gender. The biological influence is the sex chromosomes, which influences the development of female and male sex organs in the fetus. The environmental influences can begin as early as when the child is born. When a boy is born people immediately dress them [Check pronoun agreement--if "them" refers to "boy" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (him or her)] with blue colors, when a girl is born she immediately is dressed [Passive voice ] in pink. The toys they play with is also an influence in the gender identity, their hairstyles, and so on. Culture is another influence, in some countries boys are taught [Passive voice ] that they are the man of the house and [Run-on sentence: Insert comma before "and" if the following is an independent clause (not part of a series)] [Grammar: A run-on

sentence requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] it is their [Check pronoun agreement--if "their" refers to "man" (or a singular subject), it should be singular, too (his or her)] job to work and to be manly and strong. Girls in the other hand are taught [Passive voice ] that they are woman [Misspelling: women] and that their role is to stay home and take care of their [his or her] children and the household chores. There are many environmental factors that have great [Writing suggestion: "great" is an overworked word, too frequently seen, and too vague. It has too many meanings: huge, superior, numerous, etc. Use a more specific adjective] influence in gender identity for example; the media plays a role as well. The way they portray the male and female on television or in movies, they each have specific role on how they should act or behave. Influences outside the family circle, books, fairytales, friends, peers at school, and people from just about every aspect of life in which a child comes in contact with will have a significant impact in cultural influences in gender identity. Which [Check the sentence--beginning with "Which," if it is not a question, it is probably a sentence fragment--it may be possible to change "Which" to "This"] would you [second person] think has a greater influence on gender identity, nature or nurture? It is certain known that each of us [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] has a gender identity which [Use "that" for a restrictive phrase (or place a comma before "which")] is the persons private feeling [Style suggestion: if "feeling" is used in the sense of "to believe or think," it is a clich and vague; use "believing" or "thinking"] that he or she is female or male. In my own opinion I [Avoid use of the first person (I, me, my) in academic writing unless writing about a personal experience. First person use may be allowed by the instructor. ] think the most influential factor in gender identity is environmental influences. It is the way that we are treated [Passive voice ] by our parents, relatives, [Remove comma (if the preceding is not a phrase set off with commas--and the following is not an independent clause)] and friends the moment we come home from the hospital when we are born.