I was first baptized when I was either 9 or 10 years old. I was not converted but I was baptized.

Of course at the time I did not realize this. I simply knew that I did not want to die and go to hell. I heard the preacher say that if I died without being saved I would go to hell. I did not want to die or got to hell. But there was no change. At the age of 16 I made another profession of faith and was baptized again. This was motivated by fear (like before) but also because I saw no change in my life nor was there any power to change. I had a very "legalistic," fear-based approach to God. I was convinced that is I committed certain grievous sins God would destroy me. Like any good Pharisee, I had my pet-sins. I found now power within myself to live the Christian life or to fight against sin. For many years I studied world religions and philosophy and moved from atheism to Daoism to finally settle on a syncretistic view of reality that suited my life. During this time I was married, had children and was running my own businesses. I had grown up poor and decided that my children would not. In the year 2000 a business friend of mine gave me a Gospel tract after I had mentioned offhand that I was afraid to die. I never read the tract. A few month later I found the tract on my desk. I never read it but it spurned me to thinking that if I was afraid to die then there was something wrong with me. I prayed that God would saved me. I continued to pray this for many weeks. I found myself desiring to read the Bible and was able to find one that had been stored under my bed. I also had a desire to attend church. I spoke to my wife and explained that I wanted up to "settle down" and start going to church. She just looked at me like I was crazy and said "You can if you want to but I am not!"I began reading scripture, taking the kids to church and making changes in my life. My wife had a series of affairs that ultimately lead to our divorce and losing everything we had worked for. It would be 7 more years before I could be with my kids again. I joined a local church and three months later surrendered to the call to preach. I got another job making minimum rage and trying to put my life back together. After sharing my profession with my church, a few months later I felt the call to preach. The Word had become alive to me and I began to write my thoughts down about what I was reading. I shared y calling with my pastor and he began to give me some assignments (hospital chaplain, nursing home preaching, etc.). I knew I did not know enough about the Bible. I went to my pastor many times asking him what I should do and could he help me. He kept telling to "pray about it" and be patient. I decided to try to go to Bible college. I found a conservative Seminary that had distance education classes and that I could afford so I enrolled. I was working 50-60 hours a week as a department manger in retail sales and going to Bible college. I simply devoured the lessons and completed my associated studies in little over a year. During y Bachelor of Divinity studies I had a professor rail against the "evils of Calvinism" during one of his lectures. I had never heard of Calvinism before but I had been taught things like free will, God does not force man, etc. I was curious and began to study on my own about Calvinism. The first thing I noticed was that the doctrines were held not only by very intelligent men but also by men God had used. I eventually came to a point where could not reconcile what I had been taught in the past with what I was learning. I had to have an answer. I decided to take 3 days off work to try to better understand the issues. I had $20 so I bought 2 books. I had a copy of "Systematic Theology" by Hodge and a study Bible. My plan was to fast and pray for the three days in hopes God would give me understanding. As I began to study scripture I found myself more and more contending with God. Finally near the end of day two, with no more rocks to throw at heaven, I just broke down in praise as I began to understand man's inability and God's gracious work to love those who would not and could not love Him.

Learning to Loose with God: Three Times Gone (1) When I was converted I lost everything. I lost my wife (she left because she was lost). I lost my kids and did not see them for seven years. I lost my properties. I lost three businesses. (2)