Harry Potter and the Crazy Old Man Harry - yer a wizard.

There was a silence inside the hut. Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard. Im a what? gasped Harry, so shocked I referred to myself in the third person. A wizard o course said Hagrid. What!? Is this unnaturally massive and hairy man as mad as he looks? Are you mad?! I heard myself say to this intimidating beast who called himself Hagrid, a name suiting his appearance. Hagrid was not angered by my outburst but rather a bit perplexed, But Harry, youve got to come with me, to Hogwarts. Hogwarts? Hogwarts? Suddenly it came to me, everyone was against me! They were all in on it! They all want to send me to the circus! I am definitely not coming with you, you man beast! I yelled, anger far outweighing fear, I might get treated like a freak here, but Im certainly not going to become one! Im not having any more of this, I dont want to hear any more, get out of here! So, without any resistance, Hagrid reluctantly left, and thankfully I never saw him again, but that wasnt the end of it. One month after this crazy incident, I was back at Privet Drive preparing for my first day of secondary school. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia seemed surprisingly jovial since the incident involving Hagrid, and I decided it was worth one more plea for a decent education. Please, Uncle Vernon, Dudley gets to go to Sevenoaks Grammar school which is actually closer than Oxted, you know state schools are terrible, and you have enough money, just let me go to Sevenoaks! I whined with frustration. Uncle Vernons mood had dampened by my constant badgering, Boy youre going to Oxted and thats final! I tried to interrupt but was cut off, If you didnt want to go to Oxted maybe you should have gone to Hogwarts! Upon the last emphasised word, he burst into an aggravating guffaw. That was it then, I was destined to go to a horrible secondary school for the next five years. I waved good bye to my fat, smirking cousin, who was of course being driven to Sevenoaks whereas I had to take the long bus ride to Oxted from Privet Drive. There I was, at the bus stop half an hour later and another mad incident happened to me again. An extraordinarily bizarre looking old man strolled over. He wore half-moon glasses, had a long crooked nose and flowing silver hair, beard and moustache. Greetings, Harry, he said looking directly in to my eyes, my name is Albus Dumbledore he said it very politely and spoke softly, even offering his hand to me but I did not take it. Who are you? And how do you know my name? I demanded. Harry, he spoke softly again, this may seem quite unbelievable to you, but, you are a wizard, your parents... he tried to continue but i cut him short. Dont give me this crazy bullshit! I was incensed again, Uncle Vernon had clearly led me to the wrong bus stop again so that i might join the circus. Harry, your parents... he tried to begin again. What? My parents were crazy too? I was very sensitive on this issue, They died in a car crash and you assume Im a reckless maniac who should be in the circus too! Dumbledore kept trying to interject, but I was having none of it, shouting over him and insulting his extremely daft dress sense. A bus arrived, full of school age children, perhaps I was in the right place. All right mate? said the bus driver in an Essex accent. I sensed Dumbledore trying to follow me on board. Hey! exclaimed the driver We aint having no creepy old men on the school bus again, geroff! Dumbledore, abashed did as he was told, but it wasnt the last I would see of him. The bus was clambered with several rowdy, uneducated teenagers. I took the only seat available, next to a thuggish looking boy who was heavy built in fat and muscle and probably had about 5 inches on me. Oi! Mate did I say you could sit here? Im sorry, its the only seat left, I said, trying to sound reasonable. Orite, well, you better not be cheeky you posh twat He said aggressively in a thick South London accent. Harry had heard about these people from Dudley, who

boasted about them not being in his fancy grammar school. Chavs he called them, violent and uneducated he called them dismissively. Well, I was sitting next to one and I cant say I wasnt frightened, I looked straight ahead of me and kept still so as to not provoke him. He did not need provoking. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the boy take out a cigarette lighter and draw it towards my arm. I flinched away, trying not to look at him. He continued to try to burn my forearm. Stop it! Please! I said desperately. He immediately mimicked me in a high pitched whine Stop it! Please! and burst into hysterics. Thankfully I could see the school approaching, the grey ugly buildings made me tremble. I stood up to get up and when I got to the door, I politely said After you I immediately regretted it, the thugs eyes bore down into mine with murderous intent. Suddenly I was grappled by my collar and thrown of the bus, my skull clattering the pavement, giving me extreme pain and extreme concussion instantly. The thug leapt on to me, his knees crashing down on my abdomen, taking all the breath out of me and bringing a waterfall to my eyelids. The thug started a barrage of punches to the side of my head. The feeling of pain soon disappeared however and was overcome with anger and frustration. How could my own family send me to this hellhole! I wildly tried to lash out with my free left arm towards his jaw. As if by magic he flew off my body, his head crashing off the curb. I was overcome by shock, everyone was, the thug, the observing but not interfering boys and girls and the bus driver who looked like he was enjoying my suffering up to now. The thug and I both staggered to our feet, his massive frame immediately charged straight at me, and again I flailed out pathetically with my right arm this time, catching him in the jaw. Again, as if by magic, the same shocking thing happened, he was sent sprawling to the left, his head smashing off the bus and he slumped to the ground unconscious. I just stood there over him, baffled. A smaller, slimmer, but just as tough looking boy approached me; I thought he was going to punch me too. He gave me a big bear hug and said in a welcoming cockney accent Lets get you fixed up mate. Dizziness overcame me and I just remember in patches, being escorted to the toilet, blood, being cleaned off my face by this friendly boy and next thing I was sitting next to him in my first lesson at secondary school. Harry Potter, called the teacher, Present, I said curtly, the class smirked at me. Malcolm Rudd, he called ignoring the class. Ere called the friendly cockney who had helped me out moments earlier, or at least what seemed like moments. I was still very concussed and thankfully, the day passed quickly without my lack of effort in class being challenged. Time had passed quickly, and I was back on the school bus, this time thankfully next to Malcolm. Ere, mate, he said quietly to me, Word as it Andrew Forbes wants to get you again, this time ell find you outside school and bring a mate. I assumed Andrew Forbes was the hooligan who attacked me this morning He doesnt know where I live... I said. Mate! said Malcolm, annoyed, I fought you toffs were clever? We picked you up from Privet Drive didnt we mate? Anyway, he continued, Youre coming off wif me ere mate I didnt want to anger my only friend so I obliged at the stop before Privet Drive. We got off and Malcolm delved into his pockets, pulling out some cannabis Im not getting stoned alone again, he said rolling me a joint, have some, I gave in again and he lit the vile stuff and I attempted to smoke it, it was vulgar and I just about retained my own vomit upon smoking it. Well mate, your life is in danger from Andrew Forbes, es a nutter, mate, said Malcolm reassuringly, pulling out two large, intimidating kitchen knives and handing me one, Youll need it sooner or later mate, he said interpreting my shocked expression, Ill be leaving you ere mate, one more fing mate, dont wear a shirt and tie to school, you look like a right toff, wear a tracksuit like

the rest of us. I left for the long walk home, just realising I had fully converted into a chav within a day of being around them. I was ashamed but what choice did I have?