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Feel Sorry For God

By Jane Gilgun

There you are, God, there, part of everything that toward which we turn when we are in our right minds that which draws us to other people mountain views, lakes, landscapes, flowers, trees, cats, dogs, horses, any living thing that which stirs love in our hearts and minds pushes us to stand up for others You are all that and more We move toward you the way plants move toward light You are celebrated, lionized, turned into something you are not We weak, fallible human beings make you what you are not then we get angry with you because you are not who we say you are You become the cause of sufferings You caused or at least you let the Holocaust happen You let people deny the Holocaust happened You let people do all kinds of things like rape, child sexual abuse, physical violence, burn down homes, slit the throats of their children throw acid in the face of women marry off girls to men Thats your doing You are all powerful How can you allow that?

God does not speak to us in words no matter how many times people in the Scriptures said God did No, God speaks through us and we have the freedom to say whatever we want about what God wants or does not want If we listen, if we drop our arms and open ourselves be quiet for a time we feel the peace, the clarity, the sense of the spirit If in our actions we stay connected work with God so to speak we are more likely to get who God is God is like light to plants, water to the desert, the life force within us that seeks us does not force waits walks beside does not lead beckons follows sometimes seeks mutual consent God, what do you do with the accusations hurled at you daily? You are charged with horrible crimes slaughters, massacres, wars, holocausts We tiny humans pin all of that on you How is it that human beings cannot see that it is our actions that cause such harm It is not God who is the cause We cause harm God cannot stop us God is spirit God is the self-righting principle We can and do turn to God who is the center not us We can and do turn away from God put ourselves in the center When we fail, we who put ourselves in the center, blame God not ourselves We have no part in this God did it

This is not the whole story Many seek the light for themselves and others put themselves in the line of fire understand who God is even when they dont know they understand Sometimes, though, we look on dont do anything dont do enough. or we blame We blame six year olds when we say they are perping on their three year old sister We lock perpetrators of child sexual abuse up for life want to hang them, castrate them but we do nothing to change the conditions that lead to these terrible behaviors in the first place Perps of child sexual abuse were children once Quick to blame others, quick to blame God quick to let ourselves off the hook We should be ashamed We are shamed The consequences of not walking with God not partnering up not seeing the part we play in the harm people cause every day that is our shame God does not bring about evil God did not say that anyone is infallible and has the right to say who is with God and who is not Who is with God and who is not is between God and each of us Human beings bring about evil We turn from God God calls us back We choose or not choose to heed Gods call I am beaten up, beaten down the fire inside of me has gone out God is there, still there, always there but I am beaten bloody