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Corporate ninja workplace attire

Yes, these are corporate ninjas. Surprised? You should be. Ninjalistics, your leading provider
of ISO 9000-compliant corporate espionage and assassination solutions, depends on the element
of surprise. If your target sees you approaching in a black mask and wielding a katana, surprise
becomes unlikely. Whether filling out forms or filling up body bags, Ninjalistics frontline operatives
should dress in proper, and properly inconspicuous, business clothing.

Suit: We recommend Blackspire & Sons. Their suits

resist bloodstains and include integral shoulder
holsters (with optional sai sheath at the small of the Tie: We recommend a distracting color
back). Employee discounts available; consult Human to keep your targets off-balance. Can
Resources or, alternatively, threaten the tailor’s life. conceal throwing knife or shuriken. For
bow ties, affix blades to the edges of the
bow and use as an oversized shuriken.
Shoulder: Standard 9mm (Requires at least six hours of practice.)
or .45 semiautomatic pistol
stored in shoulder holster.
We recommend H&K USP.
Store accessories (silencer, Neck: Conceal a throwing knife here at all
scope, cyanide-tipped times, except during performance review
bullets) in lining of jacket. meetings.

Necklace: Concealed
piano-wire garrote. Ensure Briefcase: Do not store tear gas or smoke
your opponent can’t catch powder in your briefcase. These can damage
hold of it. documents you are bringing to/from your
clients. The smell is difficult to remove.

Ring: Each ring you wear should

contain a suitable poison, in
case you are required to mitigate Belt: Do not attempt to use a kusara-
an error you have committed. An gami (chain weapon) as a belt, except
ideal ring can also deliver poison on “casual Fridays.” (Ninjalistics does not
to an opponent. We recommend have “casual Fridays.”) Instead, coil silk
Blackstar Frost Jewelers, which rope around your waist below the belt.
offers well-crafted poison rings Use belt buckle as grappling hook.
with titanium needles.

Thigh: Ninja-to (short blade) strapped on

inside pants leg. Be careful to choose a
Binder: Available from your branch blade that won’t muss the crease. A well-
Office Manager. Incorporates dressed ninja is an effective ninja!
SenseiMatic Office Supplies
clipboard with built-in spring-loaded
hypodermic. Laptop: Shock-resistant with 1024-bit
Blowfish-encrypted hard drive and fingerprint
reader. Anti-theft devices: air-raid siren and
Shoes or sandals: Brown or black leather. acid spray.
Sandals should be double-strapped, or tabi
(traditional Japanese sandals). Heels can
conceal a smoke bomb or set of lockpicks, and
it never hurts to hide a few more poison pills. Be
careful not to tread heavily—you are ninja!

Dress to kill!

Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Written by Humza Kazmi. For more forms, certificates, and graphics, visit