PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Anger is Folly in Action

YTHAGORAS says, Anger begins in folly, and ends in repentance. He is giving expression to a profound truth. Because, when we kindle a fire for our enemy, we end by burning ourselves more than him. Anger goes about and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed. This is an emotion which rushes you to indisciplined action. It is like a madly racing horse which is bound to stumble in its way. If you keep cool, you command, if you lose your cool, you are at someone elses command. Here is an anecdote from real life. At a sweetshop, a person walked in and ordered one piece of rasgulla. The owner refused to serve saying they did not sell one piece. The customer flared up. The matter got out of hand. The shop-keeper rang up the nearest police chowki. Friends intervened and the matter was buried. When a person is wrong and does not admit it, he gets angry. We are all familiar with characters who are infamous for being jittery, on edge of their nerves and irritable. Their social contacts keep distance from them for the fear that they will take them wrongly or fly off the handle at the

slightest provocation. Their family members, likewise, keep distance from them. They are afraid that any imaginary or real misdemeanour will make them jump the line. No wonder, their life turns sour. They go about it like a bull in a China shop. This kind of reaction to other people is harmful to self, to those who have to endure it, and to the whole business of human relationship, and makes life unnecessarily burdensome. Even in the case of those whose anger is only occasionally flashy, it is useful to examine its causes and consider its elimination. If we suffer from quick-silver temperament, what can be done about it? Here are some practical ways. Learn to suffer fools. There are countless situations which make us jump the queue. These are caused by fools. Like the one who thrusts his heavy body in a bus or railway station queue. You lose your temper. If you imbibe the philosophy of tolerating such fools, they will not get our goat. It is basically a question of general philosophy of living. We are either tolerant or intolerant. If former, even big irritants dont make us put up our
850 s APRIL 2002 s THE COMPETITION MASTER

heckles. If latter, trifles get under our skin and cause temperamental rashes. We forget that if someone disagrees or offends us, it is not the end of the world for us. The world goes on nevertheless.

Jumpy Manner

OLERANCE has a superficial as well as a deeper meaning. Therefore, it is necessary to understand why a particular person behaves in a jumpy manner. This generates a bit of understanding for him. Most people carry burdens and fight personal battles which the rest of us know nothing of. This is well illustrated from the remark of an executive I control more temper in an hour than you have to control in a lifetime. This may be true of many whose conduct we condemn. It is a fact that we see in others the faults which we see in ourselves. The person who complains about others being unreasonable is often acting irrationally himself. This fact should make us a lot more tolerant to others minus points. That enables us to understand what they are fighting for. Also, it goads us to see

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT
where the trouble needs to be tackled. Next time, we fly off the tangent, we should look at the source of anger and ask ourselves whether we are not looking at a flaw in our character. Flare-ups also stem from inability to take life with a bit of levity. A sense of humour can save us from a lot of gloom. This is not easy but it should be our endeavour to find outlets of this kind. They keep us in lightening the burden of living. A senior lady executive facing a strong opposition at a meeting said: I am feeling terribly hot. I might as well put off my diamond ring. Everyone laughed. If we can make people laugh, we defuse their tension and hard feelings. Bad temper is a direct outcome of bad physical and mental condition. It comes when we flood our system with poison distilled from negative feelings like despair, resentment, bitterness, fear, worry and exhaustion. Hence, our victory over dysphoria comes from beating successfully these failings. means only one thing: we give them a whip to lash us again on a similar count.

Heed the Following

Dysphoria

Laugh at Self

T is equally important to laugh at our own selves, because we dont see ourselves as others do. But the fact is that there are numerous occasions when we have to see ourselves as others do. This means we must provoke fun at ourselves: on our own whims, fancies, prejudices, funny habits and above all, our own solemnity. In any case, if we take ourselves too seriously, we make ourselves the laughing stock of any company. Our ability to make fun of ourselves comes handy in many situations. We are human beings and as such we brim with fun and frolic. If we acknowledge this, we provide ourselves with a perennial source of amusement. This quality in itself makes us more indulgent, more patient. We save ourselves from numerous human explosive land-mines. Many get into rough waters of human relationships because their tongue drips acid. They know practically nothing about humility and modesty. They are like the two blades of the scissors, which cut anything that comes between them. Such scissors of human beings become the discards of societythe rejects thrown on the debris of mankind. Society looks upon them as good riddance.

LL-health derives mainly from stress and strain, and conditions of the mind. Good health is achieved by the relief of the stress. This is linked to physical ailments too. Quite often, we live purely by intellect, ignoring instinct. And we pay the price. Often, it is not what we eat but what we feel which causes bile. Any strong negative emotion like rage, resentment, dread, envy, floods the stomach with acid. It is imperative to quell such feelings at the time of eating, so ensure that we do not break into frequent fits of irritability and bad temper. One golden principle to remember is: your health today is what you ate yesterday. Few things flood our system with poison as ill-feeling for others. This keeps brewing inside and fouls the inner environment. Similarly, resentment about what others have done and said is a source of constant stream of black feelings. Our sensitiveness to criticism also adds to our woes and emotional chaos. While dealing with negative, harsh judgements of others, two things must be borne in mind. Is it right or wrong? If it is right, there should be no ill-feeling. If it is wrong, it should be ignored. We cannot act on others behalf but we can certainly not react if we so like. It is better to tell ourselves that malice is implied in bad actions of others. If they say nasty things about us, they do so about others too. Nobody can be ever on guard to check or prevent them. Is it worth our while to lose temper or sleep over the utterings and actions of foul-mouths? Reacting by flare-ups
851 s APRIL 2002 s THE COMPETITION MASTER

AKE friends with yourself. From experience, you can see that you have been at odds at your own self your own worst enemy. No wonder life has been hard for you. It is easy now that you know that you have to be your best friend. Do not make chums with negatives. Shun bitterness. Adopt sweetness. Someone as worthy as yourself should shed traces of unworthiness. Tell yourself that you are as valuable to yourself and to the society on any other person. Then why reduce your value by letting anger get the better of you? Do not postpone changes that are necessary in your mental attitude. Start today. The strength of life is at your disposal. You have to explore and expel the best of youfor your own benefit. You will see the changes coming to play a positive role in your life. As you go to office or any other errand, you feel light and easy, not simmering inside. Having moved out from your emotional cage, you discover a new world through a new yourself. You begin to fulfil yourself as a human being. Vernon Harris says, Talk the way youd like to be, and youll be the way you talk. There is a deep thought hidden in this simple sentence. Dig it out. If you go by positive, helpful attitude, you automatically push out the negative, the angry and the unhelpful. You begin to solve problems rather than create them. When at odds with yourself, there is a tendency which sets in a chain reaction. You are caught in it. Avoid it, in the first instance. You will steer clear of many angry situations. Prevent a moments anger and you prevent a days sorrow. To rule ones anger is well but to prevent it is better. Dont let it happen. Get the better of it. Show that you are the master, not it.