Power Tool: Donna Robinson Balance vs. Perfectionism

Power Tool Assessment Name: Donna Robinson Date: 7/4/12 Student ID: Email: drobinson56@gmail.
com
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Balance vs. Perfectionism

If I cant do it perfectly then its not worth doing Merriam-Webster defines perfectionism as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially: the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of worthlessness. Perfectionism is a fairly common phenomenon. It is natural for most of us to strive to overcome our human imperfections. Very few people enjoy making mistakes or exposing their flaws, nor do they appreciate the value of the learning experience. This tendency is exacerbated by a society, which feeds the belief that we can and should improve on any flaw. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. This message is told to us by the media, the workplace, school systems and even our families that we must always do our best. The perfectionist interprets this message differently and reinforces the notion that, If we cant do it extremely well; why bother? Positive aspects Perfectionism can drive people to accomplishments and provide the motivation to persevere in the face of discouragement and obstacles. Roedell (1984) argues: In its positive form, perfectionism can provide the driving energy which leads to great achievement. The
meticulous attention to detail, necessary for scientific investigation, the commitment which pushes composers to keep working until the music realizes the glorious sounds playing in the imagination, and the persistence which keeps great artists at their easels until their creation matches their conception all result from perfectionism. Negative aspects In its pathological form, perfectionism can be damaging. It can take the form of procrastination when used to postpone tasks and self-deprecation when used to excuse poor performance or to seek sympathy from other people. In general, maladaptive perfectionists feel constant pressure to meet their high standards, which creates cognitive dissonance when one cannot meet their own expectations. Perfectionism has been associated with numerous other psychological and physiological complications as well. Overall there is nothing wrong with trying to be our best self. Excellence as a choice can be rewarding. The desire to be perfect becomes a problem when we believe that perfection is necessary for self esteem, peace of mind and acceptance by others. This is the focus of this Power Tool. Traits associated with perfectionism:

You place excessive demands on yourself. Others would describe you as a perfectionistic. You often obsess about the details of a task, even if it is not important. You become annoyed when others dont act as well as you do (be on time, neat, organized etc.). You get upset if you make a mistake.
You often have a mental list of things you should be doing. You never seem to be doing enough. You tend to notice any error in yourself and others before I notice the positive. You have an all or nothing philosophy. If I cant do it all, or do it well, why bother? You are devastated by criticism. You have difficulty making decisions.
It is easy to see how these traits can prevent us from achieving our goals or never feeling satisfied even when we have achieved them. The all or nothing mentality can prevent us from even taking the first step. Perfectionism can prevent us from achieving our goals and moving forward with our lives. We can become paralyzed by fear. How can we move from perfectionism to achieving balance and a more realistic view of ourselves? Coaching is defined as helping the client to become their most excellent self. This spirit of excellence would enable us to see progress and find balance that would otherwise be withheld by a spirit of perfectionism. As coaches we can shift perspective by focusing on balance rather than perfectionism. Balance is defined as: being in a state of equilibrium; to compose or arrange so as to create a state of harmony. Differences between balance and perfectionism:
Balance Is willing to be wrong Involves taking risk Is empowering Allows spontaneity Is accepting Perfectionism Is always being right Is fearful Is anger and frustration Is control Implies judgment
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Is generous Builds confidence Flows Is grey Takes us on a journey
Is lacking in abundance Creates doubt Is pressure Is black and white Is a destination
Sometimes when we dont feel good enough, we create imbalance by overachieving or needing to be the best at something. Overachievers are people who have achieved but still feel the need to do more, creating an imbalance in their lives. People who exhibit this behavior may be trying to compensate for feelings of insecurity and doubts about their worth. If we find that we cannot enjoy our accomplishments, never feel satisfied when we have done our very best, push ourselves beyond the point of exhaustion, or to the exclusion of important people in our lives then we are robbing ourselves of true and meaningful joy. I was a child of extremes. Everything was love or hate. There was no middle ground. Someone once said, of all the people I met two percent would like me no matter what I did, two percent would dislike me no matter what, and the rest would be largely indifferent. This introduces the concept of balance. Because experiences may have been of extreme emotions or anesthetized feelings the challenge is to balance our lives and accept the many variations of color and texture that life presents. Instead of living forever, in black and white, find the rainbow within yourself. We can learn to use self-knowledge for personal growth rather than further self-abuse. Reflections What are the underlying beliefs surrounding the need to be perfect?
Are these beliefs supporting you or limiting you? Can you discern between perfectionistic behavior and wanting to be your most excellent self? Are your goals attainable? Are you willing to be happy with the results if you have done your best? Is your life balanced? Are you looking at your life as a whole or are you judging yourself on one aspect of your being? Are you balancing work, play, private and family time? Can you put the energy that you have been devoting to a phantom sense of achievement into truly satisfying aspects of your life? Do you think it is reasonable to expect anyone or anything to be perfect? Coaching Application As coaches, the challenge then is to move the client from overreaching and overachieving, setting unattainable goals and avoiding feelings of frustration and constant disappointment. Finding balance can give the client a sense of safety and connectedness to others. We can shift their perspective from one of needing to be perfect to one of being satisfied with their efforts and being their most excellent selves.
The coach provides a safe and confidential space to explore the underlying beliefs associated with the clients need for perfectionism. These beliefs probably stem from family of origin issues, such as not feeling good enough and feeling as though they always have to prove themselves at any cost. Feelings of unworthiness and low self -esteem can drive a lot of this behavior. As coaches we can challenge these beliefs by focusing on past successes and accomplishments and building confidence in the client. Creating self-awareness by asking powerful questions the client can gain insight into where the imbalance in their life is. A good example of this is the imbalance in their personal and professional lives. How much time are you spending at work? How much time are you devoting to family time? Examining prior and present goals to determine how attainable they are enables the coach and the client to set new and more realistic ones in order to avoid frustration and the disappointment that ensues. How much responsibility is truly mine? Am I taking on more than I can handle? Encouraging the client to take small steps and to recognize their achievements along the way helps them to enjoy the process instead of only focusing on the end result. Goals for achieving balance: Balance our professional life and our personal life. Find balance between emotions and reason. Balance caring about others and caring for our selves. Balance being good to others with being good to our selves. Balance responsibilities to others with responsibilities to ourselves Balance giving and receiving. Balance thought and feelings.
Balance caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.
Actions that move us from perfectionism to balance:
Affirmations o The power of positive thinking. I am good enough.
Meditation o Incorporate spirituality into daily living. Choose humor o Laugh at yourself. Find fun activities o Find and nurture the child within. Do nothing o Less is more. Stop and smell the roses. Avoid extremes o Extremes create stress. Simplify o Settle for less than perfection in things that dont matter, leaving more energy for what does matter. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work or put extra energy into relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance. Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our needs for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, and spiritual time. We need to listen to our inner voice; it will tell us when we are out of balance.
References
Ann W. Smith, M.S. Overcoming Perfectionism. Health Communication, Inc. 1990

Power Tool: Donna Robinson Balance vs. Perfectionism

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Power Tool Assessment Name: Donna Robinson Date: 7/4/12 Student ID: Email: drobinson56@gmail.

Balance vs. Perfectionism

Is generous Builds confidence Flows Is grey Takes us on a journey

Is lacking in abundance Creates doubt Is pressure Is black and white Is a destination

Actions that move us from perfectionism to balance:

Affirmations o The power of positive thinking. I am good enough.

Ann W. Smith, M.S. Overcoming Perfectionism. Health Communication, Inc. 1990

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