Death, Grief, Mourning and Bereavement by Cheryline Lawson The impact of death, grief and bereavement has different

effects for different people. Some cope with the loss of a loved one in a variety of ways. Even though, it may be a very difficult period, some people actually find some kind of personal growth during the grieving process. It may give them time to think about their own life and an urgency to improve themselves to live a more purposeful life in the event that they should face death also. There is absolutely no correct way in coping with death, grief and bereavement. A person's personality has a lot to do with the process of grieving coupled with the quality of the relationship with the person who has died. When one looks at the recent news stories about Anna Nicole Smith, it appears that her mother may not have had a good relationship with her daughter. But her mother's grief was evident during the recent trial. I am not sure if it was possibly the guilt of not having had the opportunity to say goodbye to her daughter or the fact that she missed her daughter. She may have been grieving even before Anna Nicole Smith had died because a distant relationship can also cause grief. How a person copes with grief is affected by their life experience, the kind of death, their cultural or religious background, their own coping skills, the support systems that are in place, and the person's social and financial status. Death, grief, bereavement, and mourning are intertwined words that are closely related to each other, but they have different meanings. Death is the actual event that took place to initiate the grief of losing a loved one. Death is a final step to seeing, living with or communicating with the deceased. Death is a pronouncement of the end of life on earth and the commencement of mourning and loss. Death often brings back memories of other past losses and thus makes the grieving process more difficult. Grief and bereavement are the reaction to the loss. The person experiencing the loss feels like they have had something taken away. Grief may be experienced mentally, physically, socially, or emotionally depending on each individual. Emotional reactions may include anger, guilt, feelings of anxiety, sadness, and utter despair. Physical reactions can include sleeplessness, appetite changes, physical problems, or possible illness. Social reactions can include feelings of responsibility for other family members, having to communicate with family or friends, feelings of being isolated,, or going back to work. The depth of grieving is dependent on the relationship with the person who died, the circumstances surrounding the death of the loved one, and how close the person was with the person who died. Mourning may be understood as the progression of adapting to the loss. Mourning is prone to individual cultural customs, spiritual rituals, and a partial societal rule for coping with loss. Working through your grief makes it easier to return to daily routines. There is a period of making appropriate adjustments of getting used to being without the deceased and forming new relationships. This may initially bring some feelings of guilt, but these feeligs will diminish with time. Forming valuable relationships will help to make it easier to live in the present. The person who is grieving will benefit from seeking out others for emotional satisfaction. New identities, roles, skills, and lifestyles may change to adjust to living without the loved one who died. The

help of a support group or counseling with a mental health professional or a religious counselor can help to facilitate this process. No matter how we view death, grief, mourning and bereavement, the fact is that there is a loss and getting the proper support system in place is the key to recovery.

Writing and Grief: A Shift from Self to Other From John Allen: August 2006 Christmas is usually thought of as a season of joy. But for all-too-many people is associated with person loss and tragedy. I knew a lady whose son - a sensitive and troubled young man - had committed suicide during the Christmas holidays. For her Christmas was always a melancholy season. Another acquaintance of mine had taken his daughters to a school Christmas program. It was a wonderful night of songs and the spoken word. After the program, they walked in the parking lot searching for their car -- a job made difficult by not only the darkness, but also a thick, foggy mist. Coming from seemingly out of nowhere, a car struck down the two girls. The car had not been going fast, but still the girls received serious injuries. One daughter survived, the other died. Besides being a tragedy for the family of the two girls, it was a tragedy for the young woman driving the car. She was an exceptional student - on the honor role - who had never been in any kind of trouble. She had not been driving recklessly; she simple did not see the girls due to the fog. While we were living in a small town, we became acquainted with two brothers. They were wonderful young men who had a zest for life and never spoke an unkind word. A week before Christmas, on a Sunday morning, they were traveling to a church service where they were going to sing as part of a quartet. Their car hit an icy spot and went into a river which ran parallel to the road. The boys were drowned. Their family's response was remarkable. They had a strong faith that the boys had gone to a better place and that they would see them again. The parents had a strong belief in service. Rather than becoming bitter, they stayed strong and continued performing acts of service and kindness just as they always had. As I observed the parents coping with a tragedy that would sent me into paralyzing depression and despair, I learned something valuable: the way to cope with grief is to serve - to think of others. And in so doing, you begin to focus on things other than your profound pain. And that is when my story, Christmas Gifts, Christmas Voices, began to form in my mind. My personal musing on the effect grief and tragedy has on people is expressed in Christmas Gifts, Christmas Voices by the character Brent Watkins. The idea, I believe, in coping with grief is to shift the focus from self to others. Whenever I am feeling depresses, I try to think of others who are going through far more difficulties than I am. I know a woman who went through a divorce, lost her home, and was in a terrible car accident that left her paralyzed - all in the space of a two year period. Whenever I feel that things are rough for me, I think of her, and I suddenly feel ashamed.

And believe it or not, this woman always has a smile on her face. Ive spoken with her sons, and they tell me that she is always looking for ways to make other people happy. What an example of thinking of others rather than dwelling on yourself and your problems. In my book, Eric has just experienced through a devastating loss. And yet somehow, he thinks of others, and spends Christmas eve performing small acts of kindness. It isnt until several years later that Eric learns the impact of his actions that night. But when he does find out the impact for good he has had on others, he feels truly fulfilled

Anniversary by Lynn L. Shattuck I remember the lines on her feet, like a dusty map. That she may have been the only person in history to actually read Playboy for the articles. I remember late night egg and onion sandwiches, and that she never said she loved me, but I somehow knew she did. Last Sunday marked the 15th anniversary of my grandma's death. All day I was cranky. I tried to pick fights my husband. I tossed around books trying to find something I could crawl into and disappear for awhile. I sighed audibly. Nothing felt quite right. So I did the only thing that was left, and got a haircut. Sadly it resembled haircut I had when I was 6, when people would compliment my mom on her handsome son. I phoned my husband. "I won't be coming home for three to six months while my hair grows out." When I finally returned, I slunk into our home with a scarf wrapped around my head, Jackie O'-style. I am 30 now. My grandmother's death bisects my life. Shes been gone for half of it, but our story keeps twisting and folding. She moved from New England to Alaska by herself in her 20s. She found work, love, winding streets and mountains. I moved from Alaska to New England alone in my 20s, finding work, love, a new ocean and cobblestone streets. Grief, like life, is wide and long. And love, like bones, survives youth and death. Still, my grandma has faded so much from my memories that now she is mostly shadow memories, memories of memories. Which means that they are altered, morphed. Maybe the only thing that really survives is simply the feeling of a person, the essence. What you get when you sit close to someone and close your eyes and ride your own breath. A collage. The way her skin looked just below her collarbone, stretched and flushed. The flowered waft of her perfume, her sad, coffeehued, gypsy eyes, toting everything she tried to hold back. On Sunday, after 15 years, I thought about the lines on her feet. The crisscross of our paths across the country, the angles of my mother's face, tying us together. Lines that will keep stretching and branching. They will shift with each year, not unlike the way I woke up this morning and noticed that maybe, my hair didn't look so bad.

When a Child Dies by Rose DesRochers Reprinted by permission Children are the most special part of life. Losing a child is something that few really understand. Even a brief life offers so much that is special. My Daughter Katie Lindsey Rose, died July 1992. She was just five weeks old. I held Katie after she died and can never, would never, forget Katie as a person or my daughter. I also found out how hard it is for so many to talk about the death of their child. Many people find it easier to talk about the death of your mom, dad or your wife or husband than their child. But, this is often a time that you do want to talk or share feelings. You often get from people she doesn't want to talk about it. But it helps to talk. After your child dies you have feelings of disbelief, denial, anger, depression, hopelessness, guilt. Loss of appetite, sleep patterns change, we cannot get through the mourning alone. It is important to talk about the death, what you're feeling and it's ok to cry. The doctor came into the room. The operation was over. He sat down and started to tell my husband and I about the surgery. The surgery was over but during the surgery there was a blood clot that burst and Katie died instantly. How could I go home without my baby? Shock was not the word for what I felt. Katie's been gone 11 years now. I remember just after she died everyone was right there offering to help me. (Now I'd be lucky if they remember). Then the people stopped coming, calling, I would see people in the grocery store, and they would look at me, turn their head, and walk off, as if I had something contagious that they could catch. I remember a mother had her baby the same time as Katie. She said to me, "I'm so glad it was not my daughter". My oldest daughter is growing up and it's starting to get scary cause I know Ill never see Katie get married or have children. I feel Angry, like I have been let down by Katie. Its normal to feel let down by the person who died or when you are looking for someone to blame for his or her death.I blamed God for the longest time and I blamed myself. Anger is very common following the death of a child. In fact following any death you may find yourself angry, angry at the world. You will often find that you take out this anger on those closest around you. You find yourself saying my child should not of died. How do you imagine life without your child? "They were too young", "They were too good", "They were too healthy, "They never sin" "Why God Why?", "I can't survive without him or her". All of these are common feelings. Your fear is, you are afraid it will happen again, that you will loose another child or someone close to you. You begin to be a little over-protective of your other children. Please know that you are never alone, It's ok to say I hurt, to say I'm scared, to say I need a friend. No matter how old your child is when they die, the pain of loosing your child is still the same. Its very difficult for most to find the words of comfort to say to you, but there are places you can turn, people you can talk to when you feel your loosing it. You can't do this on your own.

Katie had suffered from congenital heart disease, Congenital means inborn or existing at birth. Among the terms you may hear are congenital heart defect, congenital heart disease and congenital cardiovascular disease. The word "defect" is more accurate than "disease." A congenital cardiovascular defect occurs when the heart or blood vessels near the heart don't develop normally before birth. Katies' story is just one of a million parents' stories out there. As I surf the net I found so many, but there is help.

We'll Meet Again Some Day by Rose DesRochers Reprinted by permission Today is my daughter's birthday. She would have been 13 today had she not died during open heart surgery. For anyone who has lost a child, you know that the pain doesn't go away. We put the emotions to the back of our mind, as we go about our daily lives. Days like the anniversary of our child's death, birthdays and the holidays bring those feelings of loss to the surface. After 13 years listening to the song "tears in heaven" still makes me cry. Someone said to me just yesterday, that they had never met anyone who held on to the memory of their child like I do. She said that most people just put it to back off their mind and go on with life. But to anyone who has lost a child, they will agree with me that is the farthest from the truth. You may not always see a parents pain because we have become very good at hiding it. For some parents it is not always easy to talk about their child's death. When you have lost a child part of you dies too. Some feel because my daughter died at five weeks, I should not be so attached. But it does not matter if our child was one month when they died or fifteen. The pain of loosing a child is still as strong. Talking about your child and keeping their spirit alive, keeps you alive. I didn't build a shrine for Katie but I do have her keep sakes in a special box. I talk about her from time to time and I write about her. I have photos of her on the wall with my other children's photos and when asked how many children I have, I answer three. I have always talked to my daughter and my son about their sister. They understand why their mother and father are sad on days like their sister's birthday and anniversary of death. They both also visit the grave with us. I had a good long cry today and it helped. If you have lost a child don't keep those feelings bottled up inside of you. You are not Wonder Woman or Super Man and it is ok to ask for the support of friends and family. Nobody expects you to be strong and always hold it together. Today was a difficult day to get through and my friends knew that. It is hard to accept that Katie died and I can never bring myself to say goodbye. However I have given her wings to fly by accepting that she is gone. No matter how many tears we cry or how much we pray it will not bring our child back. Life is to short and we must go on. We must accept the beauty of life and live each day as though it is our last. Often times I feel cheated because I will never see Katie graduate or get married. However I know that God had a better plan for her. Someone once said that children are not ours to keep. That our children are only on loan to us until God calls them home. God call my daughter home July 21st 1992, five short weeks after he gave her life. She left this world to soon. She left before her little life after began. But I can't change what God has chosen. I don't understand how he loved her more than I, but he did. So today I'll grieve and tomorrow I'll go on with life until I am reunited with her again. Happy 13th Birthday Katie Lyndsey Rose DesRochers

Mommy loves you.

Don't Buy a Guitar Without Me

Author: Gavin Walsh

Buying a guitar is a very important, and potentially expensive, decision. There are so many makes, models, styles, and colors, that it becomes almost impossible to choose unless you know what you're looking for. The question is, which one is right for you? You could easily buy a poor quality guitar thinking you got a deal, or you could get a decent guitar for a price that just too high. Here are some questions to ask before you actually buy that guitar. 1. Budget. With so many guitars available, you shouldn't have a problem finding one that fits your budget. The key is to know your budget. You do get what you pay for and you should keep in mind that you will be spending hours and hours practicing so you should look for one you will enjoy playing. That said, remember your budget. If you're just starting out and you're not sure how you'll take to it, set aside an amount that's right for you. You can always upgrade later if you want. Once you've set your limit, do not waste time looking at guitars that don't fit into your price range. The trick is to find something you can be satisfied with and is right for YOU. 2. Music Style. Your guitar should depend on your style of music. Rock music should be played on an electric guitar for the maximum effect. If you want to play blues and jazz you could get a semi-acoustic guitar. An accoustic nylon string guitar is probably the best choice for classical music. While you basically need some of the same skills to play the different styles, if you know what style you want to play before you start, you can begin to sound like what you want to sound like a lot sooner if you buy the right style of guitar. 3. Age. A 1/2 size or 3/4 size guitar is perfect for a child. Because of a child's limited reach, a regular guitar might not work and could even stop the child's interest.If you can afford an

electrical guitar, you could buy that for your child because they have a small neck and thin strings and are easier to play. Necks vary greatly and the one you find needs to be right for YOU. Some are round, some are v-necked. Thin necks tend to be easier for small hands like a child's. Thick necks tend to be stronger. A 7-string will have a thicker neck than a 6-string guitar. 4. Guitar tone and woodtype. For the most part, the lighter the wood the lighter the tone and the darker the wood the richer the tone. 5. What experience do you have? Electric or an acoustic guitar with nylon strings are typically the best for beginners. However, students with small hands may find the wider neck of a classical guitar or acoustic guitar hard to play because of the reach. Again a 1/2 or 3/4 acoustic would be perfect. For intermediate and advanced players, more depends on your style of music and specific interests. What now? The most important thing is sound, not looks. The sound that comes from superior craftmanship is what you should look for to give you the extra edge. Some of the best prices and selection can be found at everything-instruments. Enjoy!