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Encourage Good Behavior

The first step to better discipline is to learn to encourage good behavior in your child. It is much easier to reinforce good behavior than to have to try and change bad behaviors. Here are some tips for encouraging better behavior: Sometimes it is hard for parents to remember that discipline is about encouraging good behavior through logical punishment. It is easy to get frustrated when your child does not exhibit the behavior you would prefer. Keeping your cool and following these steps can help your child reveal his good side.

Instructions
Set clear boundaries for your child and let him know ahead of time what is expected of him. Stay calm, firm and consistent when disciplining and setting

boundaries.

Remember

that

each

child

has

different

temperaments

and

developmental styles. Some children respond well to verbal praise while others respond better to rewards like stickers or extra time on the computer.

Locate factors that may prevent good behavior like jealousy, stress or learning and behavioral disorders. Try to remove what causes these factors or seek professional help to cope with them.

Praise good behavior by providing positive reinforcement. Most children want to receive praise. If they know you will praise their good behavior, then they are more likely to follow the boundaries set for them.

Offer rewards or incentives when you see your child exhibiting good behavior.

Teach your child about the natural and logical consequences of her actions. Natural consequences are like cause and effect such as if you play rough with a toy it will break. Logical consequences are based on wrong choices such as when you take away her toys because she wouldn't put them away.

Positive Parenting
Whether its sneaking a snack before dinner, refusing to finish up a video game, or whining all the way to the mall, misbehaving is an inevitable part of childhood. Its no secret that effective parenting involves knowing how to respond when kids act up and steering clear of meltdown situations. It also means setting limits so kids know when they are crossing the line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. The gentlest way to set limits is to establish routines and rules so that children know whats expected of them, says Pamela C. High, M.D., FAAP, and director of developmental-behavioral pediatrics at Hasbro Childrens/Rhode Island Hospital in Providence. When children are young, the easiest kinds of limits to set are the ones about safety, like Dont touch the stove and Hold my hand when you cross the street.

Good Rules, Good Rewards


As kids get older and the situations they face become more varied, parents tend to have more ambivalence about rules, says Dr. High, who is also a professor of clinical pediatrics at Brown Universitys Medical School. Nonetheless, rules about no TV until homework is done and being in pajamas and ready for bed by 8:15 on school nights has a

way of warding off conflict. Children want to know the boundaries and what the rules are, says Dennis Vickers, M.D., FAAP, chairman of pediatrics at Sinai Childrens Hospital in Chicago. Discipline is really more about guiding children toward positive behavior than it is about punishment. Both pediatricians recommend adopting a parenting style that encourages and recognizes good behavior with words, smiles, and hugs. They also urge parents to get in the habit of catching their children doing things right. Noticing and complimenting kids for hanging up their jackets, setting the table, and keeping a baby brother amused while you cook supper reinforces the types of positive behavior you want to see again and again, says Dr. High.

Quality Time
In spite of busy lifestyles, its also important to spend quality parentchild time together each day. Even if its only five, 10, or 15 minutes, children are looking for attention and need some special time, says Dr. Vickers. Even when the number of spare minutes in your day is scarce, remember that quality time goes a long way in keeping children from using negative behavior to get your attention. Family meals and bedtime stories are ideal opportunities for parents and children to catch up and connect in positive ways. But doing different things on different days works, too, acknowledges Dr. High. The point is to be focused on your child, which can happen whether the two of you are chatting during a walk to the store, making dinner together, playing a board game, or high-fiving each other after a soccer match.

Measuring Discipline
For those unavoidable times when kids need discipline, consider the following approaches to doling out punishment:
Establish logical consequences. To the degree possible, the

consequence of any misdeed should relate to the offense in a sensible, easy-to-understand way. For example, if your kids are fighting over a toy after youve given them the chance to work things out, simply take the toy away for 24 hours and then let them try again. Similarly, if your son forgets to wear a helmet when hes riding his skateboard, help him to remember by not letting let him ride the skateboard for at least the rest of the day.
Take away privileges. Sometimes its not possible to come up

with an appropriate consequence. Thats when withholding privileges becomes an effective strategy. Just be sure to take away a privilege your child deems valuable and isnt a basic need. Children above the age of 4 or 5 understand it when you tell them: You cant have a friend over this weekend because you didnt do your household chores or You wont be able to watch the your favorite TV show tonight because you borrowed your sisters paint set without asking and then messed up all the colors. But keep in mind that younger children dont understand the long-term consequences of their actions as well.
Call for a timeout. Timeout remains a tried-and-true discipline

tool for escalating behavior problems because it removes attention from the negative behavior. They are especially helpful in calming tantrums and defusing aggressive behaviors (biting, hitting, throwing), as well as for responding to willful disobedience, back-talk, interrupting, and sometimes whining.

Experts agree that timeouts should last one minute for each year of life up to age 11 or 12. Timeouts should take place in a safe, boring home location that is free from entertaining distractions and does not frighten your child in any way. When the timeout is over and you and your child have both calmed down, explain why the behavior was unacceptable and move on. Remember that your ultimate goal isnt to separate your child, but to give him a little time to calm down and then re-engage in whats going on around him. Ultimately, the best way to encourage good behavior is to lay the groundwork early by being a good role model and demonstrating a consistent, loving approach to discipline. Its also important to have patience and maintain a flexible attitude, because there are always going to be times when kids are being annoying but not really doing any harm. And, as Dr. Vickers points out, Its okay to let little things stay little things.

Tips & Warnings


If you know your child has trouble with certain locations like going

to the grocery store, then plan ahead. Get him involved by giving him his own list of items to find. Or if he hates putting away his toys, then make a game out of it by having a race to see who can put them away the fastest.
Remember that disciplining and punishing a child for inappropriate

actions is an important part of parenting. Parents must teach children to think for themselves, make good decisions, recognize right from wrong, respect other people and exhibit appropriate behavior.
Correct your child's poor behavior without criticizing or belittling

her as a person. In most cases, good behavior is caught not taught. You must lead by example in showing good behaviors of your own.
Do not use bribes. Bribes are giving a child a treat in advance and

hoping they will show good behavior. Do not expect perfection. Your child is in a learning process and needs your help to know how to show good behaviors.

Discipline No-No's for Parents


No hitting or spanking. Physical force hurts and teaches kids

that violence is an acceptable way to show anger and solve problems. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly opposes striking a child.
No labels. A child may exhibit bad behavior, but a child should

not be called a bad boy or a bad girl.


No unreasonable expectations. Expect your child to test limits,

and recognize that it is your job as a parent to consistently (and as calmly as possible) teach consequences. Avoid situations that invite meltdowns and keep your childs age, temperament, and maturity level in mind as you go through the course of the day. If, for example, you know your child is tired and hungry, then dont expect perfect behavior at the supermarket.
No idle threats. Dont render yourself ineffective by saying things

like, I wont buy you a toy if you dont stop whining, only to give in and buy the toy later. Kids quickly learn that youre not true to your word, and will take advantage by not complying with your requests.

Avoid inconsistencies. You may feel one way, your spouse might

feel another way, but back each other up in your childs presence. Then, discuss your different approaches privately. When you dont present a united front, children figure it out very quickly and capitalize on it, says Pamela C. High, M.D., FAAP, and director of developmental-behavioral pediatrics at Hasbro Childrens/Rhode Island Hospital in Providence.

A List of Ways to Encourage Good Behavior


These are mostly suited for the younger students but can be adapted for older classes. Classroom Rules Work with students to come up with a set of classroom rules and consequences. Colour Cards Have a pocket chart with all students names on it. Beside each name have a pocket where either a red, yellow, or green card will be display. Red=some sort of consequence decided and explained Yellow=Warning Green=You're doing great.
Punch Out Card

earlier.

Each child receives a pad of paper. Whenever they are performing well, helping out, etc.., give them a punch with a one hole hole puncher. When students reach a certain number of punches, they can pick from a box of prizes.

Class Points Display a tally system of points on the blackboard. Every time students are performing well, give them a point. When the class earns a certain number of points by the end of the week, they get to do a class fun activity at the end of the week. Marble jar If the class is doing well add a marble to the marble jar. When the jar is filled, they get to do a class fun activity. Count the marbles regularly as a regular math activity. Positive Popsicle Sticks Write out positive comments on popscicle sticks like "great helper", "super effort", etc., and hand them out accordingly. When each student recieve a certain number of popsicle sticks they can get a reward. Good Behavior Chart As a class, come up with a list of good behaviors. At the end of the day, go through each one and ask the class how each was demonstrated in the classroom during the day. Then, as a class thank the student who accomplished it.

References
1. Arnot, M, McIntyre, D, Pedder, D and Reay, D (2004) Consultation in the Classroom, Cambridge: Pearson. 2. Coffey, A and Atkinson, P (1996) Making sense of Qualitative Data Analysis: Complementary Strategies, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. 3. Epstein, D, Elwood, J, Hey, V and Maw, H (eds) (1998) Failing Boys? Issues in Gender and Achievement, Buckingham: Open University Press. 4. Flutter, J and Rudduck, J (2004) Consulting Pupils, London: Routledge-Falmer. Gardner, H (1993) Multiple Intelligences: The Theory in Practice, New York: Basic Books. 5. MacBeath, J, Demetriou, H, Rudduck, J and Myers, K (2003) Consulting Pupils: A Toolkit for Teachers, Cambridge: Pearson Publishing. 6. Younger, M and Warrington, M (2005) Raising Boys Achievement [online], DfES, available at www.dfes.gov.uk/research/data/uploadfiles/RR636.pdf [Accessed 6th April 2006].

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