The Babymakers

1
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,999

J' Well since time out
Of mind I been lazy J'
2
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:36,295
J' And times before
That I was cruel J'
3
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,963
J' And the times
Before that J'
4
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,915
J' I was mean
I was mad J'
5
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:43,093
J' I never had
Nobody like you J'
6
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:49,516
J' And the times before
That I was crazy J'
7
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:53,596
J' I saw the dark
Side of the moon J'
8
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,727
J' And the stars
In the sky J'
9
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,524
J' They never
Caught my eye J'
10
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:01,194
J' 'Cause I never had
11
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,991
J' I never had
12
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,614
[baby crying]
13
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:11,038

J' I never had
Nobody like you J'./'
14
00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,990
15
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,575
Tommy?
16
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,877
Tommy, the baby.
17
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,169
Hm?
18
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,588
It's your turn.
19
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,791
[groans]
20
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,295
[whispers]
Please.
21
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,504
Right. Right.
Okay, okay.
22
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,510
23
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,474
God damned baby.
24
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,519
[sighs]
25
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,441
26
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,908
Don't do that.
27
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:56,117
The second we walked in here, I

could feel my wallet start whining.
28
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,998
If we're gonna get the steak,
you wanna get the Oregon Pinot.
29
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:02,172
Yeah, I saw that.
It's 200 bucks though.
30
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,215
Babe, it's
our anniversary.
31
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:08,012
Have you had a chance to decide
on some wine this evening?
32
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,679
You have no
live entertainment.
33
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,803
You are correct, sir.
34
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,977
And I have no money. An
idea, and you can say no.
35
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:19,523
Is it possible for me to dance
off a portion of our tab?
36
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,942
Dance it away?
37
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,236
It would be
unusual
38
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,437
Look how cute he is.
39
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,897
Has this worked before?
40
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,527

Not that I can
remember.
41
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,234
Are you sure? Because
he's very good.
42
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,534
Really?
43
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,988
No.
44
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,368
You're an idiot.
45
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,245
I'm an idiot?
You married me.
46
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,453
So?
47
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,129
Three years!
48
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,502
I know.
Three years.
49
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,424
Well?
50
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,800
[clears throat] I knew you
were gonna bring this up.
51
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,221
So, you remembered?
52
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,594
Absolutely,
I remember.
53
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,971
So, you're ready?
54
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:57,018
Yeah, I'm totally ready.
55
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,937
You're ready
to be a dad?
56
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,562
A dad? What? I thought we
were talking about anal.
57
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,611
Is the three year
not the anal anniversary?
58
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,690
No. It is. Okay.
59
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:12,652
Okay, if you really want to,
I'm willing to give it a try.
60
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,736
Seriously?
61
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,323
Yes. We need to stop by the
sex shop on the way home.
62
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:20,956
I need to get a strap-on. Do
you prefer regular or ribbed?
63
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,662
You are good.
You had me there.
64
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,338
Seriously, I'll
give it a try.
65
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,416
I just don't know
if it will fit.
66
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:32,630
Of course it won't fit.

That's the fun. Pain.
67
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,593
We could do that, or we
could just have a baby.
68
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:39,929
Ah, you did remember.
69
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,354
I did.
70
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,182
You really wanna
have a baby?
71
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,767
Yeah, I really do.
72
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,102
We're gonna have
a family.
73
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,686
We are gonna have
a family.
74
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,442
You can teach him
how to play baseball.
75
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:50,773
And how to pick up chicks.
76
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,028
What if it's a girl?
77
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,529
I love girl on girl.
78
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,487
Get it out. Just get it all out.
79
00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:00,165
Um, so Audrey, when do
you wanna get started?
80
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,586
[moaning]
81
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:14,840
I I feel like something
Good is on the way J'
82
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,591
Hey, how's my form?
83
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:21,178
[moaning]
84
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,649
[Audrey moaning]
85
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,648
[bedsprings creaking]
86
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,736
[clea rs th roat]
87
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,820
What?
What's wrong?
88
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,702
What?
89
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,875
Nothing.
Nothing
90
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,702
Are you bored?
91
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,086
Are you tired of having sex with me?
Are you disgusted?
92
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,168
Can you get
out of me, please?
93
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,752
Ouch.
94
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,213
Why isn't this
working, Tommy?
95
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,924
Something's wrong.
96
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,681
Maybe it's 'cause you don't
really wanna have a baby.
97
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,058
How can you say that?
98
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,232
I've been working my ass off for nine
months trying to get you pregnant.
99
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:11,028
So it's a job? I'm sorry, how
much, how much do I owe you?
100
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:13,025
Is it 40,
50 bucks?
101
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,779
Wow. 50 bucks?
That's it?
102
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,862
You know, you could possibly get
a back alley shave for that,
103
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,947
but not this, sister.
104
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,703
I'm sorry
I low balled you.
105
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,876
Well, you did. That was
a serious low ball.
106
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,953

I'm not a crack whore.
107
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,630
You're the one who said having
sex with me was like a job.
108
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,252
I never said that.
You said that.
109
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,754
You weren't
thinking it?
110
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,336
No.
111
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,261
It felt like it.
112
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,136
It's not what I was thinking,
because I'll tell you,
113
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:43,890
sex with you is-- it's
beautiful, you know.
114
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,846
And it's wonderful.
115
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,931
And it's amazing.
116
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:52,190
Sex with you is like-it's like, it's like-117
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,692
(Tommy) It's like
a full time job
118
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,819
Maybe you
oughta get tested.
119
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,992

[laughing]
120
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,492
Tested? No.
I'm good.
121
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,824
Oh, you're good? How do
you know you're good?
122
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:08,581
Excuse me, Wade. I'm shooting good stuff.
I know this for a fact.
123
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,670
All right. I never
told anyone this,
124
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:18,003
and I swear to God I'll kill
everyone if you say anything,
125
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:22,387
but when I decided to ask Audrey to marry
me, I couldn't afford a decent ring, right?
126
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,968
So I told her that I
joined a softball team.
127
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,974
You suck
at softball.
128
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,806
I hate softball. I told her
I joined the softball team.
129
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,986
What I did instead, I drove back to
Pasadena to a sperm bank. Right?
130
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,781
I donated sperm. Every
week for 20 weeks.
131
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,858
Eighty-five bucks
a pop they paid me.
132
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,444
At the sperm bank, they
don't take bad sperm.
133
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,700
They test the shit
out of it.
134
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,998
Hey, dude,
85 bucks a pop?
135
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,041
If someone were
to rob that place
136
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,961
and sell the sperm on the street,
they can make a fortune.
137
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,665
Jesus, Zig Zag. Have you
been downtown lately?
138
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,002
There's enough sperm on the
street to choke Doogie Howser.
139
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,132
Hey, bring out
the pictures, man.
140
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,464
You brought the pictures
of the ex, right?
141
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,721
The pictures of Tanya? Bring 'em out.
I've seen that shit.
142
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,598
She's my girlfriend now.
143
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,850
She's aware you're
showing these pictures?

144
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,648
Yeah, probably.
145
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,351
Holy shit, dude.
Look at those nipples.
146
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:18,405
No offense, but I can tell how Tommy
might be able to pull this girl.
147
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,027
But with Wade?
148
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,858
Did you say
"no offense"?
149
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,990
Is she
a chubby chaser?
150
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:25,992
That's more offense.
You keep offending.
151
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:28,324
I'm sorry, but okay, no offense.
152
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,829
Just tell us how
you got this chick.
153
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:34,504
You see, Tommy and I are cut
from the same cloth, my friend.
154
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,174
Good cock, bad cock. Come on.
155
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,673
Honey, is he even
ejaculating properly?
156
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:48,386
Because I read on the Internet that

guys are faking it. It's like a trend.
157
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,890
Mine does
not fake it.
158
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,563
Nobody likes
a gloater.
159
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,016
How do guys
fake it?
160
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:57,148
They keep a bike bottle in the bed and
then they squirt it over your back.
161
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,070
I saw it
on YouTube.
162
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,523
Tommy is not faking it,
but something's wrong
163
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,108
I'm kinda worried.
164
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,239
Are you using your
fertility calendar?
165
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,865
Yeah, I have
an app for that
166
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,822
I love apps.
167
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,999
You know, 90% of the lime,
it's the guy's fault.
168
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:14,123
It's definitely Tommy. You
need to get that junk checked.
169
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,876
Hey, listen, guys, can
we keep this between us?
170
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,799
Tommy's a little sensitive
about all this stuff.
171
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,217
I won't say anything.
172
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,509
Who am I
gonna tell?
173
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,302
Hey, Coach Stubbs.
How're you doing?
174
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,224
Tommy Macklin.
How the hell are you?
175
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,676
Not too bad.
176
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,432
How's that pretty
wife of yours?
177
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,354
Good, good. How's
the team this year?
178
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,809
Honestly? We suck about nine
different kinds of ass.
179
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,609
We're pulling
for you either way.
180
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,029
Thanks. We're pulling
for you, too.
181
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,700

For who? For me?
182
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:49,325
Well, I understand you have a
little trouble knocking up the Mrs.
183
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,782
You know what works really well?
Hot peppers.
184
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,959
Eat as many
of 'em as you can.
185
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,208
Just make sure you don't go
munching on her biscuit right away.
186
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,960
You'll kill
the poor woman.
187
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,666
[laughs]
188
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,672
You gotta keep
the sperm cool, yah?
189
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,174
You can't let the balls
get overheated.
190
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,347
That's why they hang
on the outside.
191
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,550
Like an air cooled
Volkswagen engine.
192
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,260
(man) Shitake mushroom,
ginger root, cucumber.
193
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,597
You mash /'1' all up. You allow
it to boil for three long hours

194
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,978
and you gently lower your
ball sack down in there,
195
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,685
and let them steep
for ten minutes.
196
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,736
Blue Mountain, Jamaican
remedy that.
197
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,690
What the hell are you
doing to me, Audrey?
198
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,696
Did you go and tell
the whole world?
199
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,528
No, I told three people. I
told Mona, Greta, and Karen.
200
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:32,114
You didn't tell three people.
You told three women.
201
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,417
What's that supposed to mean?
Where's the ginger root?
202
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,166
Why do you think there are
no female serial killers?
203
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:43,045
Because after they kill the first
guy, they gotta go tell somebody.
204
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,001
That's actually
a good point.
205
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,634
[telephone ringing]
206
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,554
Hello?
207
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,432
Oh, hi there.
208
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,855
Uh, yeah.
209
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,934
Mm, well, I hadn't
heard that.
210
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,144
No. No, thank you.
211
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,195
Yeah.
212
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,240
I love you, too. Okay.
213
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,441
Who was that?
214
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,778
That was your mom.
215
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,909
She said I should try putting Ben Gay
on my scrotum to heat up the sperm.
216
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,116
She just-- Do you think
that would work?
217
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,872
No.
218
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,579
Why does everybody
have advice for me ?
219
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,085
Maybe, maybe
it's you.
220
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:27,294
Where are all the calls of everybody
telling you to pour hot sauce
221
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,005
on your...vagina?
222
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,934
Okay. I made us appointments with
Dr. Vickerey to get us both checked out.
223
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,887
He's supposed to be the best, so
you gotta gel your sperm checked.
224
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,223
Honey, there's nothing
wrong with my sperm.
225
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,023
Really? How do you know that?
226
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,897
'Cause there's
a party down there!
227
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,354
Do you hear that?
[beating]
228
00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:48,155
Seriously, this thing
smells like shit.
229
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,029
Can you
lower 'em in?
230
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,286
I think you just
do one at a time.
231
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,830
How am I gonna do
one at a time?
232
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,498
I don't have them.
I don't know.
233
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,371
(Tommy) I'm telling you,
it is a waste of time
234
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,126
Just do it.
Prove her wrong.
235
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,082
Show her you got
awesome sperms.
236
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,589
Dude, Audrey's making
you check your sperm?
237
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,420
Tell her I said
to lighten up.
238
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,221
[laughing]
239
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,550
No, I just have
trouble in groups.
240
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,010
It's hard to keep it going when there's
a bunch of other people around.
241
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,720
You've never been
to an orgy?
242
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,056
No. Have you?
243
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:25,736
Nah. But I had sex with two different
chicks in the same week. Bifecta!
244
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,904
I went to an orgy once.

245
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:31,279
Not with Audrey.
[laughs]
246
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:35,908
There's just gonna be a bunch of other
guys jerking off in all the other rooms.
247
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,739
I don't feel like it.
248
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,665
But didn't you do
that for a living?
249
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,914
No, not for a living.
250
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,836
But you got
paid to do it.
251
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,131
Okay, fine, but I knew the
guy who owned the place,
252
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,254
and he let me come in after
hours when it was empty.
253
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,506
Dude, gel this.
My brother's a lawyer.
254
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:53,464
He represented this pervert that
works at one of those clinics.
255
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,174
Sick bastard hid cameras
in the smoke detectors.
256
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,976
Cops raided his house.
Found stacks of DVD's
257
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,896
of guys choking their cobras.
[hisses]
258
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,850
[laughs]
What?
259
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,935
Wade, let's go.
260
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,611
Cool. Let's get out.
261
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:12,316
I'll catch you guys
in a few. I'll follow.
262
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,241
Why do we hang out
with that douche bag?
263
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,695
Doesn't bother you he used
to go out with Audrey?
264
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,827
I used to go out with Tanya and
you still hang out with me.
265
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,705
Yeah, but at least you don't
look like a blond squirrel.
266
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,252
I do not.
267
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,585
You know what?
268
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:31,464
Don't worry about this jerking off thing.
You're gonna be fine.
269
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,544
I have a little
inspiration for you.
270
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,516
For old time's sake.
271
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,936
Oh, no, no.
I can't.
272
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,979
Yes, you can.
273
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,853
That's not right.
274
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,902
But those nipples
are world fucking class.
275
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:52,356
They are. They're like little
tits on top of big tits.
276
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,532
No, take them.
I can't.
277
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,111
Okay. Sure? You're too good.
You're too good.
278
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,698
And by that I mean you're
an unbelievable pussy.
279
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,954
Maybe so.
Maybe so.
280
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,329
Well.
281
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:12,088
Excuse me. I go whack my
ding-dong into a plastic dish
282
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,510
with a bunch of
dudes all around.

283
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,633
Okay. Don't do it
while you're driving.
284
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,761
I I just need J'
285
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:23,437
J' Your love injection J'
286
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:29,769
J' I don't need
Your affection /'J"
287
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,149
Dr. Vickere y is the
best in the business.
288
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,947
If he can't impregnate
your wife, no one can.
289
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,570
You'll be
in room four today.
290
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,447
Pedro!
291
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,871
[foreign accent] Sorry. I-I am sorry.
I was, uh,
292
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:45,041
just making
a phone call.
293
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,244
I'm sorry, Mr. Macklin.
294
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,874
(Pedro) I wasn't jerking off.
295
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,384
As you can see, we have several
different forms of stimulation,

296
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,257
both homo
and hetero.
297
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,553
I'll take hetero.
298
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,558
Well, you have
20 minutes.
299
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,601
Relax and take
your time.
300
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,681
Hey, doctor,
where is the lubrication?
301
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:11,143
Oh, no, we can't run a risk of contamination.
You will just have to dry.
302
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,273
And you can't use
saliva either.
303
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,697
The human mouth
is quite filthy.
304
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,319
Okay.
305
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,492
I'll just be right
here if you need me.
306
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,989
Okay.
307
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,952
Right where?
Like right there?
308
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,126

Oh, well, I can go away for a
few minutes if you prefer.
309
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,420
No, it's, it's-310
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,480
Damn, it's hot.
311
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,229
Yeah. Let's
take a break.
312
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,730
[chuckles]
313
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,903
[giggles]
314
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,654
[laughing]
315
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:20,261
Gal, as pretty as you are,
we're still missing one thing.
316
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,134
Oh, yeah?
What's that?
317
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:24,841
You gotta meet
my friend, Big Jim.
318
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,518
Ooh. I sure hope
he's handsome.
319
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,937
[laughs]
320
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,980
[neighs]
321
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,808
Nice to meet you, Jim.
322
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,438
You are big.
323
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,862
[loud volume]
324
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,275
[women moaning]
325
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,662
[horse neighs]
326
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,832
Mr. Mack/in, could you
please turn that down a bit?
327
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,956
It's a touch loud.
328
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,457
[horse neighs]
329
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,960
(Tommy)
I have to go home.
330
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:01,795
Babe, all you had to do
was jerk off into a cup.
331
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,880
What's the big deal?
I mean, seriously-
332
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,967
How many times have you masturbated
in your life? A hundred?
333
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,892
Uh, sure.
About 100, yeah.
334
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,970
I called and they said
you can do it at home.
335
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,772
You have to get the sample
there within 30 minutes.
336
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,443
I've timed the drive and it's 18
minutes, so don't waste time.
337
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,771
I'm teaching
a class at 4:00,
338
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:23,233
so you have the whole place to yourself
to do your little jerky business.
339
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,787
Sort of takes the fun out of it
when you tell me I have to do it.
340
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,285
I prefer sneaking around
when you're not here
341
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,991
and pretending
I don't do it.
342
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,246
Yeah, okay.
343
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,306
Hi. What's your name?
344
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,012
[foreign accent]
Alberto.
345
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,189
Could you help me
with my lotion ?
346
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:58,894
By boyfriend usually does
it but we just broke up.
347
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,953
Thanks.
348
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,907
Si, senora.
No hay problema.
349
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,746
[doorbell chimes]
350
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:21,332
Oh, could you do
the bottoms, too?
351
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,552
352
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,973
353
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,770
Shit, shit.
354
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,313
Hi, there. How are you
on this blessed day?
355
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,190
Hi. Good.
356
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,567
Great. If you have a moment,
we'd like to tell you
357
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,944
about our personal
savior, Jesus Christ.
358
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:50,620
You know, I don't know if right now
is the best time to talk about Jesus.
359
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:54,120
It's not a good time
to talk about Jesus?
360
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:58,169
God's only son died for his sins
but it's "not a good time. "

361
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,498
Well, I guess some people just think
they're more important than Jesus.
362
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,084
I don't think I'm more
important than Jesus.
363
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,635
But unless he can miracle a
baby up into my wife's vagina,
364
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,384
then I gotta take a pass.
365
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,261
Thank you though so much.
Okay, bye.
366
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,765
[whispers]
All right.
367
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,835
[exhales] Jesus Christ. Come on.
368
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,878
(Audrey)
Tommy? You're home ?
369
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,089
Hi.
370
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,924
What's going on?
371
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,635
Oh, you kinda caught me
doing something naughty.
372
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,186
Really?
373
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,104
My college roommate,
Jenny, is here.
374
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,228
And we've been talking
about old times,
375
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,981
and laughing about how we
used to share everything.
376
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,653
Say hi, Jenny.
377
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,732
Hi.
378
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,862
Anyway, since
we share everything,
379
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,241
Jenny was wondering
if we could share you.
380
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,573
Oh, okay.
381
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,203
He said yes.
382
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,542
Go ahead, Tommy.
383
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:28,922
Really?
384
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,345
Thanks, Audrey.
385
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,601
He likes it
from behind.
386
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,645
Oh, cool.
387
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,348

[sighs]
388
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,523
[whispers]
Thank you.
389
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,074
Oh, Jesus!
390
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,246
Do you have enough
time for me now, Tommy?
391
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,914
Why?
392
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,106
Dude.
[grunts]
393
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,076
[whispers] No, sir. No way.
394
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,927
[Tommy moaning]
395
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:17,235
(Tommy) Oh, come on,
come on, come on
396
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,992
[honking]
397
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,619
[laughs]
398
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,044
Ah!
399
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,059
Nice move, dickhead.
400
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,389
[laughs]
401
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,359

Hey!
402
00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:14,421
[panting]
403
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,274
[shouts]
404
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:33,777
[cell phone ringing]
405
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:37,733
[grunts]
What's up, Tommy?
406
00:22:37,815 --> 00:22:40,785
The pictures, the ones of Tanya, I
left them on the bathroom sink.
407
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,328
You gotta
go get 'em.
408
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:44,201
Yeah, dog. I knew you'd use 'em.
409
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,998
I used pictures
of cantaloupes.
410
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,290
Did you say
cantaloupes?
411
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,619
I got some
flat tires.
412
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:52,205
Some flat tires?
Are you high?
413
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:54,632
You've gotta go to my house
and get those pictures.
414
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:55,959

Of the cantaloupes?
415
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,463
The pictures of Tanya!
416
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,591
You said you
didn't use them.
417
00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:02,048
The back door's open. The
pictures are in the bathroom.
418
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:03,929
Okay, I got
one more set to do.
419
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:05,851
Do this now!
420
00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:07,599
All right. Chill out.
I'm on the move.
421
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:09,976
You chill out.
422
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:11,477
You fuck
chill out!
423
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,149
(Todd) Audrey. Audrey!
424
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:21,901
Hey-
425
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:24,612
My God, are you taking
gorgeous pills or what?
426
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:26,663
Thanks, Todd.
427
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:28,833
Hi.
428
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:31,331
Oh, my gosh,
she's so cute.
429
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,788
She could've been yours
if you'd said yes to me.
430
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:35,418
Just kidding.
[chuckles]
431
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,795
We're actually trying
for one of our own.
432
00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:39,923
Right. Yeah.
I heard about that.
433
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,675
Tom's having
some trouble, huh?
434
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,177
Oh...no, no.
435
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:47,305
Audrey, it's okay. It's me.
436
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:51,438
Okay, well, yeah. But
it's gonna be fine
437
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,515
'cause we're seeing this
really great doctor,
438
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,272
and it's all gonna be
taken care of.
439
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:57,319
Oh, I'm sure.
I'm sure.
440
00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,193

Look, you never know how these
things are gonna work out.
441
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:05,111
Hey, slow down, asshole!
I got kids!
442
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:08,030
Well, I'd better
get her back.
443
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,081
I'll see you at
Tommy's birthday.
444
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:11,784
Good to see you.
445
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:13,790
I miss you.
446
00:24:15,204 --> 00:24:16,922
Okay. Bile447
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:19,883
Huh.
448
00:24:31,053 --> 00:24:34,353
[POP music]
449
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,995
Fucking wild
goose chase, Tommy.
450
00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,662
Hello.
451
00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,212
Goddammit.
452
00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:00,382
[unzips pants]
453
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:01,879
(Audrey)
Tommy?
454
00:25:01,959 --> 00:25:05,259
Oh, Shit.
shit, shit, shit.
455
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,180
[whispers] Okay,Okay okay,okay.
456
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,988
J' I'm a man J'
457
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:33,870
J' God damn
Gad damn J'
458
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:38,413
J' God damn J'
459
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:40,623
J' I'm a man J'J'
460
00:25:40,706 --> 00:25:42,629
Wade, did you get
the pictures?
461
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:43,834
I couldn't find them.
462
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:45,339
Where's my wife?
463
00:25:45,419 --> 00:25:47,012
In the shower.
464
00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,384
What's with
the pants?
465
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:51,434
I saw
those cantaloupes.
466
00:25:51,508 --> 00:25:54,432
Hey! Help!
467
00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:55,808
[closes faucet]
468
00:25:55,888 --> 00:26:00,018
[Wade moaning outside]
469
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:01,977
(Audrey) Hey. How did it go?
470
00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:04,780
Uh, great. I had a few
flat tires, but--
471
00:26:04,855 --> 00:26:05,981
A few flat tires?
472
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:07,408
Yeah.
473
00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:08,905
Did you get it there
on time?
474
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:10,782
Of course I got it
there on time.
475
00:26:10,861 --> 00:26:12,659
Thank you for doing
that for me.
476
00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:15,992
I'm happy to. I'm just
glad that tomorrow
477
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:18,328
we have proof that my
guys are good to go.
478
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,333
Me, too.
479
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:23,165
Can I put my penis in
your vagina right now?
480
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:24,420
Yes.
481
00:26:25,751 --> 00:26:27,094
I'm feeling
really potent.
482
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:29,422
- Oh, are you?
- Yes, I am.
483
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:32,759
I'm afraid your sperm count
is too low to conceive.
484
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:36,353
But that is
impossible.
485
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:38,977
I know some men find it
difficult to hear that but--
486
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:41,684
Hold on. How can we
tell that it's not-487
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:43,769
I've already
examined Audrey.
488
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:47,573
Her tubes are clear. Her
hormone levels are perfect.
489
00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:49,946
And she has,
in my opinion,
490
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:53,700
two of the pinkest, plumpest, and most
beautiful ovaries I have ever seen.
491
00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:55,531
Thank you.
492
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,582
[giggles]
493
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,786

Are you hitting
on my wife?
494
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:02,542
Is that what he was doing?
It seemed like it was.
495
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,248
Sorry about him.
496
00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:07,301
Okay, so what exactly
is wrong with my sperm?
497
00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:12,176
This is a slide
of a normal sample.
498
00:27:12,256 --> 00:27:15,135
And this
is your sample.
499
00:27:15,217 --> 00:27:16,560
They look drunk.
500
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:18,387
They do, don't they?
501
00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:20,768
Where are
they going?
502
00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:23,476
O-okay, so just
for argument sake,
503
00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:26,358
let's just say you're right.
How did they get that way?
504
00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,530
One possible cause
is testicular trauma.
505
00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:30,983
Have you ever experienced
anything like that?
506
00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:38,916
[groans]
507
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:42,621
No, no. Not that I can recall.
508
00:27:42,703 --> 00:27:46,753
Oh, well then, I'm going to order
you a scrotal exploration.
509
00:27:46,832 --> 00:27:49,676
A scrotal what now?
What is that? What?
510
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:53,130
Sometimes a tear will form
in the tunica albuginea
511
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:56,638
resulting in extrusion
of the testicular contents.
512
00:27:56,717 --> 00:28:01,439
We simply insert a small camera into
the penis, through the urethra--
513
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:05,063
This sounds amazing. How about this,
and I'm just spilballing here,
514
00:28:05,142 --> 00:28:07,520
why don't we take my ball
sack and scrape it up
515
00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:10,607
against a cheese grater? Or
maybe go out to your car
516
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:12,612
and slam my dick
in the trunk.
517
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,035
Do you feel like
that might help or?
518
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:17,283

I'm sorry.
519
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:21,037
I can assure you, Mr. Macklin, this
is a mostly painless procedure.
520
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:23,960
Yeah, I'm kinda getting caught
up on the word "mostly."
521
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:26,710
It's just-- it's a
/at to take in.
522
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,875
Okay, okay.
So, let's say
523
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,211
nothing comes in this
scrotal exp/oration.
524
00:28:32,294 --> 00:28:34,763
Then my suggestion would
be that you find a donor.
525
00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:39,218
But we're not
there, yet, so.
526
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:41,474
I think you're right.
We're not there, yet.
527
00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,647
We're not even close
to being there, yet.
528
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,316
I think you've freaked
out my wife, sir.
529
00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:48,940
And we're gonna be-- we're
gonna be leaving now.
530
00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:50,817
Are you okay, honey?

531
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,944
Too far. Okay.
532
00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:55,446
Oh, sorry.
533
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:04,706
What's up with Audrey and Tommy? Why
aren't they ta/king to each other?
534
00:29:04,785 --> 00:29:08,585
It's this whole baby thing. I think
it's time one of us stepped up.
535
00:29:08,664 --> 00:29:11,713
I think one of us should offer
our sperm to our buddy.
536
00:29:11,792 --> 00:29:13,794
That's the right
thing to do.
537
00:29:13,877 --> 00:29:17,677
All right. As his best friend,
I will toss it in there.
538
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,976
[laughs] No,
seriously, no offense.
539
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:23,850
Hey, hey, this isn't
genetic, okay?
540
00:29:23,929 --> 00:29:27,103
It's called laziness.
My sperm is thin, fit.
541
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:30,106
Whatever. We don't know whose
sperm he's gonna choose.
542
00:29:30,185 --> 00:29:32,028
What?
543
00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,778

What, 'cause
I'm black?
544
00:29:34,856 --> 00:29:38,486
Ah, 'cause we wouldn't want Tommy
to have a biracial baby, right?
545
00:29:38,568 --> 00:29:41,822
The kid might grow up to be the president.
Or Halle Berry.
546
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,374
Okay, fine. We settle
it this way, okay?
547
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,702
We all jack off
into a cup, right?
548
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,789
And we swirl it around, and
then may the best man win.
549
00:29:49,871 --> 00:29:52,875
May the best
man win what?
550
00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:56,633
Uh, just-The World Series?
551
00:29:58,380 --> 00:30:00,758
Happy birthday, man
552
00:30:00,841 --> 00:30:02,935
Awesome party, Tom.
553
00:30:03,010 --> 00:30:05,308
What if I get drunk and
take all my clothes off?
554
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:08,106
It might be
so-mething nice.
555
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:11,185
That is good, right? All right.
556
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:15,781
Bye.
557
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:19,110
Hey, can I get you a drink?
You have a drink.
558
00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:20,865
Do you need
anything? Food or?
559
00:30:20,944 --> 00:30:23,288
Hey. guys.
Happy birthday, Tommy.
560
00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:24,535
(Audrey)
Hey, Julie.
561
00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:25,786
Happy birthday, dude.
562
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:28,164
Thanks.
563
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:32,714
Todd and I have been ta/king and
we heard about your prob/em.
564
00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:37,511
And we would like
to offer our services.
565
00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:39,259
For what?
566
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:44,185
What we'd like to do
is offer you our sperm.
567
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:47,012
What?
568
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:51,020
Tommy, we've been blessed with three
smart, beautiful, healthy children.
569
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:54,273
Honestly, when Todd first brought
it up, I was unsure, too.
570
00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:58,608
When Audrey said no to Todd's
proposal all those years ago,
571
00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,112
Seems like yesterday.
572
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,194
She gave me
a gift.
573
00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:04,746
And this is my chance
to repay her.
574
00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:07,449
So, what do you say?
575
00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:13,088
What do I say?
576
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:15,916
Um-577
00:31:15,999 --> 00:31:18,218
Honey, let me.
578
00:31:22,005 --> 00:31:24,975
Dude, I am sorry.
Huge misunderstanding
579
00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:26,427
We did not mean
to offend.
580
00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:28,183
We were just
trying to be nice.
581
00:31:28,261 --> 00:31:30,730
I just thought if you're
gonna have a donor,
582
00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:33,104
might as well be someone you know.
That's all.
583
00:31:33,183 --> 00:31:36,687
Right? That's it! There's
no reason to be rude.
584
00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:39,649
I'm not asking to stick
it in Audrey directly.
585
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:42,780
I mean, unless you're into that.
Some guys are.
586
00:31:42,859 --> 00:31:46,409
I don't know. I bet Julie would
be fine with it if you are.
587
00:31:46,488 --> 00:31:49,207
Or not. Whatever.
Just let me know.
588
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:51,751
People loving
people, right, man?
589
00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:54,416
I love you.
590
00:31:54,496 --> 00:31:56,089
Hi, there.
591
00:31:56,164 --> 00:31:59,008
I'm ready for
that drink now.
592
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,007
Okay.
593
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:04,181
You'd be there to monitor
the whole thing.
594
00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:10,604
You know, honey, I clipped an

article in recipes and things
595
00:32:10,679 --> 00:32:15,606
about how overpopulation is contributing
to a general decline in male sperm count.
596
00:32:15,684 --> 00:32:17,982
Thanks, Mom.
597
00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:21,907
You know what I was thinking, sweetie?
Tommy's an only child.
598
00:32:21,982 --> 00:32:24,610
Yeah, that might be
the prob/em right there.
599
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:27,367
His whole family
might have bad sperm.
600
00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:28,743
But he's lucky
he made it.
601
00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:30,620
[laughs]
602
00:32:30,699 --> 00:32:32,667
Hi!
603
00:32:32,742 --> 00:32:33,994
How are you?
604
00:32:34,077 --> 00:32:35,203
Good.
605
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:36,960
Thanks for getting it.
606
00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:41,092
Oh, yeah, pork
fried rice there.
607
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:44,968
Wait a second. I was--Oh, okay,
I know what I was gonna say.

608
00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:48,175
Okay, you know
our little problem,
609
00:32:48,258 --> 00:32:50,761
our very personal
and private problem?
610
00:32:50,844 --> 00:32:53,438
Well, it has nothing
to do with me.
611
00:32:53,513 --> 00:32:56,312
I don't need to put hemorrhoid
cream on my ball sack, Wanda.
612
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,439
I don't need
to eat hot peppers.
613
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:01,362
And I don't need to have a camera
shoved up my hole, darling.
614
00:33:01,438 --> 00:33:04,487
My sperm is
perfectly fine.
615
00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:08,412
Why? Because I say that it is.
End of discussion.
616
00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:09,864
Let's eat.
617
00:33:09,946 --> 00:33:11,323
Food.
618
00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:13,158
Who can deny
science like that?
619
00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:15,960
Okay, you want science?
I'll give you some science.
620
00:33:16,036 --> 00:33:20,883
You know that softball team I played on?
There was no softball team- Softball.
621
00:33:20,957 --> 00:33:24,632
I drove to a sperm bank,
and I donated sperm.
622
00:33:24,711 --> 00:33:26,588
I did.
Twenty times.
623
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:29,220
And each time, they
paid me cold hard cash.
624
00:33:29,299 --> 00:33:33,600
They wouldn't very well pay me good
money for bad sperm, would they?
625
00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:35,931
See how that works?
626
00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:39,063
Now let's eat. God!
627
00:33:39,142 --> 00:33:40,268
You did what?
628
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,729
What?
629
00:33:41,811 --> 00:33:43,609
Tommy, what did
you just say?
630
00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:49,361
I fell in love
with a gorgeous woman
631
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:53,540
who deserved an amazingly
expensive engagement ring
632
00:33:53,615 --> 00:33:58,496
that I couldn't afford- And at 85 bucks
a pop, honey, it just seemed like--
633
00:33:58,578 --> 00:34:01,707
Tommy, you
have children.
634
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,963
Twenty children
out there.
635
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:04,964
(Olark)
At least.
636
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:07,296
Thanks, Dad.
637
00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:10,599
You don't understand. I gave 20 samples.
That doesn't necessarily-638
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:14,645
It doesn't
necessarily mean that-639
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,437
No, I am sure that
most of that sperm
640
00:34:16,513 --> 00:34:18,936
is sitting right there
in that bank right now.
641
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,019
Tommy, you have children.
642
00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:26,490
Oh, Tommy.
643
00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:32,488
Come on, Clark, you understand what
I was trying to do, don't you?
644
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:33,993
You get it, right?
645
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:38,043
I understand
completely, Tommy.
646
00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:42,248
I understand that you bought
my daughter's engagement ring
647
00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:43,923
with beat off money.
648
00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:48,421
Got her a cum diamond.
649
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:56,678
(man) Pasadena Androlog y and Cryobank.
May I help you?
650
00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:59,605
Hey, how're you doing? I'm
here 'cause I need some sperm.
651
00:34:59,681 --> 00:35:02,855
Okay. I could set you up with one
of our sales reps and they-652
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:05,232
You know what? That's
not gonna be necessary.
653
00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:07,406
I actually just need
some of my own sperm.
654
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,405
Your own sperm? I think we can
cutout the middle man here.
655
00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:15,330
No, no. I'm a donor. I donated
some sperm about five years ago,
656
00:35:15,405 --> 00:35:18,329
and I was hoping to get that back.
I hope there's some left.
657
00:35:18,408 --> 00:35:19,785
What's your
name, buddy?
658
00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:21,962
Thomas Macklin.
659
00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,629
What do you know?
We have one batch left.
660
00:35:28,418 --> 00:35:30,170
Yeah!
That is great.
661
00:35:30,253 --> 00:35:33,678
You know what? You guys
paid me $85 per batch,
662
00:35:33,757 --> 00:35:35,851
and I feel that it's
only right for me to-663
00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,893
Oops, I'm sorry.
664
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:40,267
It looks like
we already sold it.
665
00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:41,974
[stammers]
666
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,274
My bad.
667
00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:44,476
To-to who?
668
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:45,811
To whom?
669
00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:47,316
Seriously?
670
00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:48,863
I don't know
if that's right.
671
00:35:48,938 --> 00:35:50,281
You're right.
It's "to whom."
672
00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,451
It's whom?
Ah, okay.
673
00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:57,201
Anyway, we sold it to this
couple three weeks ago.
674
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:01,035
We're performing the
insemination on dee-dee-dee-dee,
675
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:03,119
Monday.
676
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:06,207
Whatever it is they're paying
you, I'll give you double now.
677
00:36:06,289 --> 00:36:09,668
This isn't eBay, sir. We don't gel
into bidding wars over sperm.
678
00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:11,845
Okay.
You know what?
679
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,469
I don't wanna have to do
this 'cause I'm not a dick,
680
00:36:14,547 --> 00:36:18,222
but it just so happens that I'm a good
personal friend of Kevin Baldrey, the manager.
681
00:36:18,301 --> 00:36:19,553
Ooh. You hear
that, Lyle?
682
00:36:19,636 --> 00:36:21,513
Is that right?
683
00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:23,849
He's a personal friend
of Kevin Baldrey.
684
00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:26,435
I'd like to speak
to him right now.
685
00:36:26,518 --> 00:36:29,397
You and Kev aren't so close, otherwise
you'd know he doesn't work here.
686
00:36:29,479 --> 00:36:32,824
He got fired for putting hidden
cameras in the masturbatories.
687
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:35,197
What? He-688
00:36:35,276 --> 00:36:38,530
He hid them in the smoke detectors so
he could videotape guys jerking off,
689
00:36:38,613 --> 00:36:40,456
and he put them
on the Internet.
690
00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,250
Are you saying
that, uh-691
00:36:42,325 --> 00:36:44,919
There's only one
way to find out.
692
00:36:44,994 --> 00:36:48,840
Looks like that website's back up
now that Kevy fled to Amsterdam.
693
00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:50,417
Oh, really?
Check that out.
694
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,628
Yep. There you are.
695
00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:54,759
Macklin.
696
00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:58,388
So much for the theory that left

handers are more intelligent.
697
00:36:58,466 --> 00:37:00,264
Sir, back away
from the desk.
698
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,061
Can I see?
699
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:04,390
Do you always make that
face when you climax?
700
00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:05,894
You look like
a baby burp.
701
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:08,568
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
702
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:10,941
[shouts]
703
00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:14,240
Get him out of here. Jeez.
704
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:17,159
[groans]
705
00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:19,829
Say hi to Kev for me.
706
00:37:25,034 --> 00:37:28,664
J' Happiness starts
With a smile J'
707
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:30,294
I It's contagious J'
708
00:37:30,373 --> 00:37:32,341
I Catch it now JV'
709
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:36,047
How are you doing? I'm looking
for a Mrs. Leslie Jenkins.
710
00:37:36,129 --> 00:37:37,847
I'm Leslie Jenkins.
711
00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,515
I'm sorry.
I thought that-712
00:37:39,591 --> 00:37:42,515
It's alright.
It's a Southern name.
713
00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:43,846
Do I know you?
714
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,555
No, you don't.
715
00:37:45,638 --> 00:37:48,517
I'm Tommy Macklin.
I'm your sperm donor.
716
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,195
Oh. Oh!
717
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,739
Can I sit down with you and
your wife for a minute?
718
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:57,408
Honey, come here!
You're gonna love this!
719
00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:05,037
Jeffrey, this
is Tommy Macklin.
720
00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:06,333
How're you doing?
721
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:10,539
Tommy Macklin?
Oh. Oh!
722
00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,499
Do you have
a light beer?
723
00:38:12,582 --> 00:38:15,131
Then we found out
my sperm was no good.
724
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:17,679
It caused a lot of stress
in our relationship
725
00:38:17,754 --> 00:38:20,348
because obviously we wanna
have a baby naturally.
726
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,596
We don't know anything
about naturally.
727
00:38:22,675 --> 00:38:24,518
Not an option.
728
00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:27,347
Yeah. But I
don't understand.
729
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,182
Between the two
of you guys,
730
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:31,814
you've got twice as much
sperm as most couples.
731
00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:35,943
Twice as much? More like ten times as
much with the human fire hose here.
732
00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:39,242
I've learned to take my contacts
out, if you know what I mean.
733
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:42,366
It's like stepping on a full
tube of toothpaste with you.
734
00:38:42,445 --> 00:38:46,791
That's wild. So, why don't you
just use some of Jeffrey's sperm?
735
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:49,164
[laughing]
No, no, no. No.
736
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:52,088
My family has more alcoholics
than Celebrity Rehab.
737
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:54,336
Plus he's OCD and ADD.
738
00:38:54,415 --> 00:38:57,840
Mildly. Anyway, we wouldn't pass my
DNA on to my worst enemy's baby,
739
00:38:57,919 --> 00:38:59,466
much less our own.
740
00:38:59,546 --> 00:39:02,516
Okay. So then what
about yours, Leslie?
741
00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:07,221
That was plan A. But as it turns out,
my sperm is--what's the word they used?
742
00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:09,055
Confused.
743
00:39:09,138 --> 00:39:10,731
My sperm is
confused, too.
744
00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:12,400
I cannot
believe that.
745
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,443
We saw the pictures.
It was crazy.
746
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,272
You know what? I am confident
we can work something out.
747
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:20,108
I'm happy to reimburse
you for any expenses,

748
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:23,741
and for the cost of
finding a new donor.
749
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,869
Well, that's very sweet,
Tommy, but to be honest
750
00:39:26,948 --> 00:39:29,417
we're quite happy
with the donor we chose.
751
00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:34,089
See, Leslie has a hang up about having
a baby that looks like him. Shallow.
752
00:39:34,163 --> 00:39:35,915
Guilty as charged.
753
00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:37,876
When we found out
he couldn't produce,
754
00:39:37,959 --> 00:39:40,633
we started looking for a
donor with similar features.
755
00:39:40,712 --> 00:39:44,467
And in the end we,
well, we landed on you.
756
00:39:44,549 --> 00:39:47,393
What about $2,000?
That seems fair.
757
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:49,812
I just really need
that sperm back.
758
00:39:49,888 --> 00:39:52,767
[exhales] Tommy,
I'm really sorry,
759
00:39:52,849 --> 00:39:57,320
but to find the right donor, I don't think
we could go through that process again.
760
00:39:57,395 --> 00:40:00,114
We've never had
more arguments.
761
00:40:00,189 --> 00:40:01,862
I thought we were
gonna break up.
762
00:40:01,941 --> 00:40:04,114
We almost did. But
we didn't, did we?
763
00:40:04,193 --> 00:40:06,867
No. Tommy, if there 's one
thing /know, it's this.
764
00:40:06,946 --> 00:40:08,914
Love will find a way.
765
00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,664
It worked for us
and it will work for you.
766
00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:14,713
In fact, Leslie, why don't you
show Tommy some of the runners up?
767
00:40:14,787 --> 00:40:17,290
There's some guys in there
that look a little like you.
768
00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:19,796
You could tell your wife
you got your sperm back.
769
00:40:19,876 --> 00:40:23,676
Maybe slip a little something to the doctor.
She'd never know, so.
770
00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:26,634
Anyway, I've gotta get
jogging before nightfall.
771
00:40:26,716 --> 00:40:28,343
Pleasure meeting you.
772
00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:30,019

Best of luck.
773
00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:32,096
I'll get
the folder for you.
774
00:40:42,941 --> 00:40:44,488
I can get you
your sperm back.
775
00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:46,285
Uh, but I thought
we just said that-776
00:40:46,361 --> 00:40:48,830
Come inside.
777
00:40:48,905 --> 00:40:52,205
Goddammit, Tommy- I feel horrible
about this- I really do-
778
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:54,160
Jeffrey said--779
00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,666
Forget Jeffrey. I wear the
pants in this relationship.
780
00:40:56,746 --> 00:40:58,623
And I would like to see
you have your family.
781
00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:00,674
Really?
782
00:41:00,750 --> 00:41:03,378
Yes. I'm sure we can reach
some kind of mutual agreement.
783
00:41:03,461 --> 00:41:06,510
It's simple, isn't it? You want
your sperm back, and I want you.
784
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,591
Jeffrey always says
I'm a narcissist.
785
00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:10,552
That's probably why
I'm so attracted to you.
786
00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:12,558
It'd be like having
sex with myself.
787
00:41:12,637 --> 00:41:14,514
Having sex?
788
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:17,066
I want to be
inside you, Tommy.
789
00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:18,734
What?
790
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:22,280
I want to enter you.
791
00:41:22,355 --> 00:41:24,323
Are you-are you
not getting this?
792
00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:25,821
.5
793
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:27,902
Have you ever had
anal sex, Tommy?
794
00:41:27,986 --> 00:41:29,988
I can't say
that I have.
795
00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:32,915
It's like getting your prostate checked.
Have you done that?
796
00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:35,665
You should. Detection
equals prevention.
797
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,416
Okay, okay.
798
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,839
Come on, Tom.
We're guys here.
799
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:43,418
Let's do this.
Don't be so homophobic.
800
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:45,253
I'm not homophobic.
801
00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,179
You're afraid to have sex
with another man.
802
00:41:47,255 --> 00:41:49,849
It doesn't get more
homophobic than that.
803
00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,972
I don't think you're
using that word right.
804
00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:54,429
All right. I'll tell
you what I'll do.
805
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,890
You enter me.
806
00:41:56,973 --> 00:41:59,101
What the hell?
I'm feeling generous.
807
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:03,404
It's my final offer, Tom.
What do you say?
808
00:42:03,479 --> 00:42:05,823
[lawn mower
engine running]
809
00:42:05,898 --> 00:42:09,198
I say fuck him. It's just a hole.
Stick it in.
810
00:42:09,277 --> 00:42:11,245
Can we be
serious, please?
811
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:14,244
Or let him fuck you. Who gives a shit?
Fuck or be fucked.
812
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:17,076
Close your eyes, stick it
in, and think of baseball.
813
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,037
That'll make it
last longer.
814
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,542
What do you got to lose?
815
00:42:20,621 --> 00:42:22,999
I can think
of a few things, Wade!
816
00:42:23,082 --> 00:42:25,210
Shit, I would do it.
But everybody knows
817
00:42:25,293 --> 00:42:26,761
that gay guys
don't like fat people.
818
00:42:26,836 --> 00:42:30,136
They're "fatophobic."
"Plumpophobic."
819
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:33,935
"Plumpophobia" or whatever. Have you
ever seen a gay fat guy before?
820
00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:36,934
No, they don't exist.
They're like unicorns.
821
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:39,607
Have you ever seen
a fat unicorn before?
822
00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:40,854
Me either.
823
00:42:40,933 --> 00:42:42,731
Help me!
824
00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:45,188
When they said you couldn't
have your sperm back,
825
00:42:45,271 --> 00:42:47,820
they robbed you of your future.
Right?
826
00:42:47,899 --> 00:42:50,493
And you have every
right to steal it back.
827
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,912
Are you talking about
robbing a sperm bank?
828
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:54,705
"A" double right,
you bet I am.
829
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:56,408
No, that's crazy.
830
00:42:56,491 --> 00:42:57,583
Crazy?
Or brilliant?
831
00:42:57,658 --> 00:42:59,001
Crazy.
832
00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:00,454
Brilliantly crazy.
833
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:02,163
No, just crazy.
834
00:43:02,246 --> 00:43:04,999
And brilliant. Don't
think about yourself.
835
00:43:05,083 --> 00:43:06,756
Think about your
unborn child.
836
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,461
If you don't do
something soon,
837
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,421
the last good seed
you have on Earth
838
00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:12,803
is gonna be implanted
deep inside some surrogate.
839
00:43:12,882 --> 00:43:16,477
And good luck getting it back then.
Fuck or be fucked, Tommy.
840
00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:19,351
Fuck or be
fucked, Tommy.
841
00:43:19,430 --> 00:43:22,559
No, wait a second. How are
we gonna rob a sperm bank?
842
00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:24,394
I've been thinking
about this.
843
00:43:24,477 --> 00:43:26,229
I know just the guy
who can help us.
844
00:43:26,312 --> 00:43:28,360
Walk with me.
845
00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:42,996
How do you know
this guy again?
846
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:44,581
How do we
know this guy?
847
00:43:44,664 --> 00:43:47,884
Shut up, Zig Zag.
Keep your mouth shut.
848
00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:50,212
This whole thing was my
idea in the first place.
849
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:53,047
What?
Your idea?
850
00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:56,931
You think you can come up with a
crazily brilliant idea like this?
851
00:43:57,009 --> 00:44:00,559
Okay. The guys in the meat
department introduce me to him.
852
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,265
Apparently he's
the real deal.
853
00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:03,850
Former bag man
for the Indian mafia.
854
00:44:03,933 --> 00:44:05,856
What does
that mean?
855
00:44:05,935 --> 00:44:08,529
That's racist. They like to
be called Native-Americans.
856
00:44:08,604 --> 00:44:11,403
No, he's Indian. Dot head
Indian, not feather Indian.
857
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:12,825
That's even
more racist.
858
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:15,073
You're a racist.
859
00:44:15,153 --> 00:44:17,872
Bag man means you fuck with him,
you end up with a bag on your hip.
860
00:44:17,947 --> 00:44:20,996

- Bag on your hip? What the fuck does that mean ?
- You shit in a bag.
861
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:26,332
And then they tell me that they can't
even sell me back my own sperm.
862
00:44:26,414 --> 00:44:28,712
And then they kick me out.
863
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,668
Yeah, and they pepper
sprayed me in the face.
864
00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,971
Pushed me into the bushes.
I have prickers everywhere.
865
00:44:34,046 --> 00:44:36,174
I mean, if I don't
get my sperm back, man,
866
00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:38,430
my marriage is over.
867
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,763
You know, these bastards
are assholes,
868
00:44:41,846 --> 00:44:44,019
and they're stealing
my future,
869
00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:48,899
and they're taking away my constitutional
right to do whatever I want
870
00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:50,400
with my own sperm.
871
00:44:50,479 --> 00:44:51,776
You know?
872
00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:54,109
Do you see
what I'm saying?
873
00:44:54,192 --> 00:44:56,240
Yes, I do.
874
00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:58,913
You're saying you bought
your wife's engagement ring
875
00:44:58,988 --> 00:45:00,365
with beat off money.
876
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:01,745
[laughs]
877
00:45:01,824 --> 00:45:04,577
Classic, right?
[laughs]
878
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,292
I like you.
879
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,214
You're a married man.
880
00:45:09,290 --> 00:45:11,588
I always want
to be married man.
881
00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,465
But I never found love.
882
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:15,638
What can you do?
883
00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:16,930
I will help you.
884
00:45:17,006 --> 00:45:18,223
Hey, all right.
885
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:19,425
Thank you, Ron Jon.
See?
886
00:45:19,508 --> 00:45:20,930
Wow, thanks, man.
887
00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:22,307
Cost is 5000.
888
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:24,935
5000? I really had
no idea.
889
00:45:25,014 --> 00:45:27,142
Could you excuse us.
Give us a sec.
890
00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:30,983
What are you doing?
You're blowing the deal.
891
00:45:31,062 --> 00:45:33,064
$5000 to rob
a sperm bank?
892
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,364
How much do you
think it costs?
893
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,113
- I don't know.
- Exactly.
894
00:45:36,192 --> 00:45:38,445
Are you gonna put a price
tag on your family?
895
00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:40,200
Shit.
896
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:42,407
You must have a rich
uncle around somewhere.
897
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,834
I've got $11,000 saved up
in the house fund.
898
00:45:44,909 --> 00:45:48,254
I could possibly borrow five and pay
it back before Audrey found out.
899
00:45:48,329 --> 00:45:50,252
Now you're talking sense.

900
00:45:50,331 --> 00:45:51,674
This is it.
901
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,001
Now be cool.
902
00:45:53,084 --> 00:45:55,507
So, we were
just chatting.
903
00:45:55,586 --> 00:45:59,181
And we feel like, yeah,
sure, yeah, good.
904
00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:01,601
What about $3000?
905
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:04,555
Mr. Macklin,
make no mistake.
906
00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:06,981
We are committing
a felony here.
907
00:46:07,056 --> 00:46:11,653
There is grave risk involved.
Do you understand me?
908
00:46:11,727 --> 00:46:14,526
Yeah, 5000 then.
5000 seems good.
909
00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:15,731
Very nice!
910
00:46:15,815 --> 00:46:17,613
Very, very, very nice!
911
00:46:17,692 --> 00:46:20,787
- Thank you for your time.
- Looks like we have a deal.
912
00:46:20,861 --> 00:46:23,455
Dude, were you seriously
in the Indian mafia?

913
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:31,922
What the fuck, man?
914
00:46:31,998 --> 00:46:33,500
I never said anything.
915
00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:36,552
You have to know
every fucking thing.
916
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:37,594
Okay, fine.
917
00:46:37,670 --> 00:46:39,388
Okay, Mr. Nosy.
918
00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:42,057
If you must know,
back in Mumbai,
919
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:44,886
I was the best second story
man in the business.
920
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:46,391
What business?
921
00:46:46,470 --> 00:46:49,144
The stealing
shit business, okay?
922
00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:53,148
- Okay.
- What is your name?
923
00:46:53,227 --> 00:46:54,444
Zig Zag.
924
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,113
What is so funny, Zig Zag?
925
00:46:56,188 --> 00:46:58,282
I was just
kinda laughing
926
00:46:58,357 --> 00:47:03,659
at what the whole Indian organized
crime thing was all about.
927
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:06,412
What? You don't think Indian
crime can be organized?
928
00:47:06,490 --> 00:47:08,288
Indians are
very organized.
929
00:47:08,367 --> 00:47:12,042
No, I'm sure. I just had
this, like, idea in my head
930
00:47:12,121 --> 00:47:15,250
about all these Indian mob
dudes, sitting around,
931
00:47:15,333 --> 00:47:18,052
like being all non-violent
with each other.
932
00:47:18,127 --> 00:47:20,380
'Cause you think about,
like, Gandhi, right?
933
00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:22,056
I mean, he was, like...
934
00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:25,101
Should I show you
how nonviolent I can be?
935
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,224
No!
936
00:47:27,303 --> 00:47:29,931
You think Indians can only drive
a cab and fix your computer?
937
00:47:30,014 --> 00:47:31,766
Well, let me
tell you something.
938
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,568
I did drive a cab! And I

can fix your computer,
939
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:37,021
but I can also
cut your throat!
940
00:47:37,104 --> 00:47:38,731
Shall I show you,
Mr. Zig Zag?
941
00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:41,693
No, I feel like
I got it.
942
00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,870
Yeah, I feel like
I understand.
943
00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:45,696
Yeah, I was just
pretty baked.
944
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,454
Cool off, man, okay?
Cool off.
945
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:49,784
Everybody cool off.
946
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:52,746
[Wade]
Hey, it's cool.
947
00:47:52,828 --> 00:47:54,045
Let us drink.
948
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:59,548
[silent mouthing of words]
949
00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:03,347
Let us drink
to a successful mission.
950
00:48:03,422 --> 00:48:05,174
What is this?
951
00:48:05,257 --> 00:48:07,305

Just drink it, god damn it.
Everybody, "What is it?
952
00:48:07,385 --> 00:48:08,602
"What is it?
What is it?"
953
00:48:08,677 --> 00:48:09,974
Okay, come on!
954
00:48:10,054 --> 00:48:12,898
To success!
955
00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:23,030
[gagging, Spitting]
956
00:48:23,109 --> 00:48:26,454
I will get you your sperm
back, Mr. Macklin.
957
00:48:26,529 --> 00:48:29,578
That much,
I guarantee.
958
00:48:41,293 --> 00:48:43,341
[Mona] So you just must
be totally pissed-
959
00:48:43,421 --> 00:48:45,594
Yeah, I was
furious at first.
960
00:48:45,673 --> 00:48:47,641
I mean, he's got
kids out there.
961
00:48:47,716 --> 00:48:50,014
But then I thought, why
not just go down there
962
00:48:50,094 --> 00:48:53,064
and see if they have any of his
good sperm left for us to use.
963
00:48:53,139 --> 00:48:54,356
And?
964
00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:56,230
It was five years ago.
965
00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:59,107
They told him they'd look,
but it didn't look good.
966
00:49:02,565 --> 00:49:04,192
Billy, /70!
967
00:49:04,275 --> 00:49:06,027
If you keep drowning
James, I swear to God,
968
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:07,532
I gonna come over there
and drown you right back!
969
00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:09,613
It's not James.
970
00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:12,871
Well, who can tell,
you little sewer rat?
971
00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:15,794
All right, that's it.
972
00:49:15,870 --> 00:49:17,292
Get over here!
973
00:49:18,747 --> 00:49:22,547
Oh, Allison,
she's so adorable.
974
00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,512
What's her name?
975
00:49:25,588 --> 00:49:27,716
Well, we wanted to name
her something Chinese,
976
00:49:27,798 --> 00:49:31,553
but also, you know, American,
so we went with Jackie Chan.
977
00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:35,014

Jackie Chan
Finnerman. Nice.
978
00:49:35,890 --> 00:49:37,107
Wait...
979
00:49:37,183 --> 00:49:40,153
Stop it!
C'mon, stop it!
980
00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:43,947
God, she's so quiet.
981
00:49:44,023 --> 00:49:46,117
Yeah, she's really quiet.
She never cries.
982
00:49:46,192 --> 00:49:48,035
Yeah, I've heard that
about those babies.
983
00:49:48,110 --> 00:49:49,908
Why does everybody know so
much about Asian babies?
984
00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:51,455
Did I miss a class
or something?
985
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:53,282
They're just like
American babies.
986
00:49:53,365 --> 00:49:54,867
Only better.
987
00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:56,918
I heard they're also
really musical.
988
00:49:56,994 --> 00:49:59,088
You should totally get her
a piano, like, right now.
989
00:49:59,163 --> 00:50:00,585
Well, I already
got her a violin.
990
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:02,666
She doesn't even
have fingers yet.
991
00:50:02,750 --> 00:50:04,172
So, just out of curiosity,
992
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:05,969
how much did it cost
to adopt her?
993
00:50:06,045 --> 00:50:07,888
About $10,000
when you add it all up.
994
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:10,599
Did you want
to hold her?
995
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,017
Oh, I'd love to.
996
00:50:14,011 --> 00:50:16,264
Hi, Jackie Chan.
997
00:50:16,347 --> 00:50:17,018
Hi.
998
00:50:19,016 --> 00:50:22,896
Oh, princess.
Yeah. Hi.
999
00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:39,545
There he is,
our five-star general.
1000
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,198
Okay.
1001
00:51:08,274 --> 00:51:10,493
I have done a complete
stakeout of the target.
1002
00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:11,535
Nothing to it.
1003
00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:12,907
Piece of cake.
1004
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:15,115
- Oh, that's great.
- Awesome.
1005
00:51:15,197 --> 00:51:17,825
Each person will have
a special job.
1006
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:22,004
You. Because you are small like
a woman, you will be wheel man.
1007
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:24,298
Drive only.
No talk.
1008
00:51:24,373 --> 00:51:25,215
A woman.
1009
00:51:25,291 --> 00:51:27,134
No talk.
1010
00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:28,927
You.
1011
00:51:29,003 --> 00:51:32,507
If shit go down, and all
fuck break loose...
1012
00:51:36,594 --> 00:51:39,473
you are
trigger man.
1013
00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:41,728
I'm not gonna
shoot this gun, so...
1014
00:51:41,807 --> 00:51:43,275
Let me tell
you something.
1015
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:45,523
I have two strikes
against me.
1016
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:48,402
One more and I go
to prison for life.
1017
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:52,530
If we are caught, you must shoot me.
Do you understand?
1018
00:51:52,610 --> 00:51:54,704
I'm not gonna
shoot you, Mr. Jon.
1019
00:51:54,778 --> 00:51:56,200
Christ, I'll shoot him.
1020
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:57,702
Sorry.
1021
00:51:57,781 --> 00:51:58,953
So here is the plan.
1022
00:51:59,033 --> 00:52:01,786
This is
the sperm bank.
1023
00:52:01,869 --> 00:52:05,715
This is barber shop
right next door.
1024
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:08,338
Wait a minute.
Just, sorry,
1025
00:52:08,417 --> 00:52:09,839
but wouldn't it
make more sense
1026
00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:12,387
if we made the comb
the barber shop
1027
00:52:12,463 --> 00:52:15,467
and the cream the sperm bank?
I'm just saying.
1028
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:16,801
Yeah, I'm with Tom

on this one.
1029
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:18,761
Okay, fine, fine.
1030
00:52:18,844 --> 00:52:23,816
This is barber shop,
and this is sperm bank.
1031
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:27,441
And this is the liquor store
across the street.
1032
00:52:30,606 --> 00:52:32,654
What?
1033
00:52:32,733 --> 00:52:36,033
Wouldn't it be better if Zig Zag's
beer was the liqour store...
1034
00:52:36,111 --> 00:52:38,660
and this ketchup bottle
was something else?
1035
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:55,303
Liquor store, barber shop,
sperm bank. Any questions?
1036
00:52:55,381 --> 00:52:57,054
[belches loudly]
1037
00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:59,430
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's good, yeah.
1038
00:52:59,510 --> 00:53:03,936
Okay, you and wheel man will
arrive early, dressed as plumber.
1039
00:53:06,100 --> 00:53:08,523
You're gonna have your name
on the plumbing truck?
1040
00:53:08,602 --> 00:53:09,854
Good point.
1041
00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:14,950

You two will enter
barber shop and go
1042
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:17,153
to the employee
rest room.
1043
00:53:17,236 --> 00:53:19,659
You will open
sky light.
1044
00:53:19,738 --> 00:53:24,164
Then you will plant special
tools I need for job.
1045
00:53:24,243 --> 00:53:28,714
Soon it will be dark and
time for me to take over.
1046
00:53:28,789 --> 00:53:30,462
From the roof
of the liquor store,
1047
00:53:30,541 --> 00:53:32,794
I will slide on power
lines like Ninja,
1048
00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:34,878
I will drop in
through the sky light,
1049
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:36,805
take the jack hammer
1050
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,383
and blast my way
into the sperm bank.
1051
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:42,140
Meanwhile, res! of team
will be outside,
1052
00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:44,347
providing noise cover
for jack hammer.
1053
00:53:44,430 --> 00:53:50,563
[loud rock music]

1054
00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:53,443
I don't
play guitar.
1055
00:53:53,522 --> 00:53:54,990
That's true.
1056
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:56,738
But you do play
the accordion, right?
1057
00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:58,319
When I was nine.
[whispers] Shut up, Wade.
1058
00:54:01,947 --> 00:54:04,120
Once inside sperm bank,
1059
00:54:04,199 --> 00:54:06,577
I will use special lock picking
kit to open the vault.
1060
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:12,008
With special lock picking kit,
I can open any lock, anytime.
1061
00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:13,629
And, just like that.
1062
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:15,211
you are a daddy.
1063
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,841
Did I tell you
this guy was the best?
1064
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,342
Sorry, I just
have one question
1065
00:54:18,422 --> 00:54:21,050
If you can open
any lock, anytime,
1066
00:54:21,133 --> 00:54:24,182
then why not skip the Ninja

routine, the jack hammer
1067
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,138
and the 80s hair band,
1068
00:54:26,221 --> 00:54:28,644
and just pick the lock on
the door to the sperm bank?
1069
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:30,567
Yeah, if you just
use the lock picking kit,
1070
00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:34,692
you can pick the lock on the
door to the sperm bank.
1071
00:54:34,772 --> 00:54:36,695
I like this guy.
1072
00:54:36,774 --> 00:54:38,822
He is a good one
to have on the team.
1073
00:54:38,901 --> 00:54:41,404
Great new plan.
I like it.
1074
00:54:41,487 --> 00:54:45,492
Okay. I would call
this plan
1075
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:47,952
Operation Desert Sperm.
1076
00:55:00,005 --> 00:55:01,928
Hey, wow.
1077
00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:05,978
- Guess what?
- Just really quick, I wanna say something.
1078
00:55:06,053 --> 00:55:08,727
I know I have screwed
some things up lately.
1079
00:55:08,806 --> 00:55:11,400

But don't worry,
because...
1080
00:55:11,475 --> 00:55:12,818
I am on the case.
1081
00:55:12,893 --> 00:55:16,989
Guess what?
1082
00:55:17,064 --> 00:55:17,940
You're pregnant?
1083
00:55:18,023 --> 00:55:19,149
[gasps]
1084
00:55:19,233 --> 00:55:21,110
Yes, yes, yes.
1085
00:55:21,193 --> 00:55:23,287
Oh, Tommy, Tommy.
1086
00:55:23,362 --> 00:55:25,615
I want to adopt.
1087
00:55:25,697 --> 00:55:27,620
Adopt?
1088
00:55:27,699 --> 00:55:29,952
I went by the adoption agency
and got some information.
1089
00:55:30,035 --> 00:55:31,753
It's the perfect
solution for us.
1090
00:55:31,829 --> 00:55:34,582
Yeah, but the sperm bank
might still have...
1091
00:55:34,665 --> 00:55:36,838
Tommy, you said they
didn't think they had any.
1092
00:55:36,917 --> 00:55:38,715
They said they're
checking the warehouse.
1093
00:55:38,794 --> 00:55:40,546
I held Allison's
baby today.
1094
00:55:40,629 --> 00:55:42,882
And I just looked into
those big, beautiful eyes.
1095
00:55:42,965 --> 00:55:45,684
Oh, my gosh, Tommy.
I just fell in love.
1096
00:55:45,759 --> 00:55:47,978
Look it doesn't matter
how we get a baby.
1097
00:55:48,053 --> 00:55:50,226
Let's just
start a family.
1098
00:55:50,305 --> 00:55:52,307
Allison's baby
is Chinese, right?
1099
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:54,109
Oh, she's so delicious.
1100
00:55:56,311 --> 00:55:57,938
What's wrong?
1101
00:55:58,021 --> 00:55:59,022
Nothing.
1102
00:55:59,106 --> 00:56:00,528
I'm half Chinese!
1103
00:56:00,607 --> 00:56:02,826
Thank you.
I know that, I just...
1104
00:56:02,901 --> 00:56:07,247
But out of curiosity, do they
have any American kids there?
1105
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:09,575
Or even, like half Chinese
half American kids?

1106
00:56:09,658 --> 00:56:14,004
Babe, American babies are ridiculously
expensive and impossible to get.
1107
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:15,956
There used to be
tons of Russian babies,
1108
00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:18,133
but one of them went a little
crazy, so that was that.
1109
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:20,461
India won't let their babies out.
We could go Ethiopian?
1110
00:56:20,544 --> 00:56:21,887
What do they have,
like a menu?
1111
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:23,179
So I did
some quick research.
1112
00:56:23,255 --> 00:56:25,053
Of course you did.
1113
00:56:25,132 --> 00:56:28,136
And the Chinese babies
are the easiest ones to get.
1114
00:56:28,218 --> 00:56:31,392
Do you have some kind of Chinese
issue I should know about?
1115
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,524
You love Chinese food!
1116
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,352
Yeah, but I'm not
gonna eat the baby.
1117
00:56:36,435 --> 00:56:38,278
You better not.
1118
00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:40,481

You know what? Let me just
take a piss, really quick.
1119
00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:41,907
Hold on, two seconds.
1120
00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:05,723
[Tommy sighs heavily]
1121
00:57:05,797 --> 00:57:07,799
I guess the Great Wall
is pretty sweet.
1122
00:57:07,883 --> 00:57:10,682
Oh, thank you!
1123
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:14,519
I mean, you're
sure about this?
1124
00:57:14,598 --> 00:57:17,647
I've never been more sure about
anything in my entire life.
1125
00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:19,228
Okay, then.
1126
00:57:20,437 --> 00:57:21,814
You look disappointed.
1127
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:25,242
I'm not disappointed.
1128
00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:27,536
This is not exactly how I
imagined it would work out,
1129
00:57:27,611 --> 00:57:29,158
but maybe
you're right.
1130
00:57:29,237 --> 00:57:31,035
Let's explore it,
How does it even work?
1131
00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:34,209
Well, when you add it all up,

it's about $10,000.
1132
00:57:34,284 --> 00:57:36,707
But I figure we can just borrow
it from the house fund, right?
1133
00:57:37,788 --> 00:57:40,007
Yes, yes we can.
1134
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:42,460
I love you, Tommy.
1135
00:57:42,542 --> 00:57:44,465
I love you, honey.
1136
00:57:50,258 --> 00:57:51,760
It's off.
1137
00:57:51,843 --> 00:57:53,561
- What's off?
- The robbery, it's off.
1138
00:57:53,637 --> 00:57:55,105
Shut the fuck up.
1139
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,306
No, seriously man.
1140
00:57:56,390 --> 00:57:58,734
We've gotta cancel it.
1141
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:00,231
But I already bought
the ski masks.
1142
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:01,732
It's too risky.
I can't get caught.
1143
00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:03,530
What about the baby?
1144
00:58:03,605 --> 00:58:05,733
Audrey decided we're
gonna adopt a Chinese baby.
1145
00:58:05,816 --> 00:58:08,535
Audrey decided you're
getting a Chinese baby.
1146
00:58:08,610 --> 00:58:10,453
When did you decide
to give up on America?
1147
00:58:10,529 --> 00:58:11,951
She decided.
1148
00:58:12,030 --> 00:58:13,748
We decided.
1149
00:58:13,824 --> 00:58:16,247
She just decided first
and then I decided later.
1150
00:58:16,326 --> 00:58:18,624
I'm tired of these Chinese.
They're making everything.
1151
00:58:18,704 --> 00:58:20,798
Shirts, the watch
and the pants.
1152
00:58:20,872 --> 00:58:22,465
Now they're gonna make
our babies?
1153
00:58:22,541 --> 00:58:24,384
I'm sick of this
outsourcing shit.
1154
00:58:24,459 --> 00:58:26,211
Wait a second.
1155
00:58:26,294 --> 00:58:28,717
We were gonna outsource
our robbery to this Indian.
1156
00:58:28,797 --> 00:58:32,097
Besides, this way we're
helping orphans and shit.
1157
00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:33,768
Giving them
a second chance.
1158
00:58:33,844 --> 00:58:35,642
Oh, we already gave them
a second chance.
1159
00:58:35,721 --> 00:58:37,268
Remember Pearl Harbor?
1160
00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:39,145
Never forget, man.
1161
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,022
Fine, get your Chinese baby.
I'm over it.
1162
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:43,820
You know what? I hear
they're pretty damn smart.
1163
00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:45,989
Yeah, and fucking
expensive.
1164
00:58:46,064 --> 00:58:49,659
We gotta get my $5000
back from your Mr. Ron Jon.
1165
00:58:49,735 --> 00:58:52,864
Okay, well I don't think
Mr. Ron Jon's an Indian giver.
1166
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,290
No shit. I am
the Indian giver.
1167
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:57,459
How could you
be the Indian giver?
1168
00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:59,411
I'm not having
this conversation.
1169
00:59:01,705 --> 00:59:03,924
Okay, listen.
Stick to the plan.
1170
00:59:03,999 --> 00:59:05,376
Play to his sympathies.
1171
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:07,052
Make him feel guilty,
all right?
1172
00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:08,845
[knocks]
1173
00:59:13,216 --> 00:59:15,435
What the hell?
You're a day early.
1174
00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:16,978
Hey, we need to talk.
1175
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:18,772
Okay, come in.
1176
00:59:18,847 --> 00:59:21,521
Getting in shape
for the big job.
1177
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:24,570
[loud Indian pop music]
1178
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:27,989
Listen, Mr. Jon,
I have some bad news.
1179
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:30,488
I have to cancel the job.
1180
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:32,786
Okay, fine.
Job is canceled.
1181
00:59:32,861 --> 00:59:34,488
Just like that?
1182
00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,164
Just like that.
1183
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:39,038
C'mon. We can drink
to canceled job. Come.

1184
00:59:40,202 --> 00:59:41,499
Okay, let's do this.
1185
00:59:42,871 --> 00:59:44,839
The good stuff,
too, I see
1186
00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:48,385
Hey, yes. Nothing but the best
for my friends. C'mon now.
1187
00:59:48,460 --> 00:59:49,461
To canceled job.
1188
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:57,144
[laughs]
Indians love Scotch.
1189
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:58,687
And cocaine!
1190
01:00:01,515 --> 01:00:05,691
[laughs and coughs]
She don't lie.
1191
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:06,941
Well, heck if I do.
1192
01:00:09,106 --> 01:00:10,858
That's a great TV!
1193
01:00:10,941 --> 01:00:12,318
Oh, you like ii, huh?
1194
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:14,698
Voice activated.
Check it out.
1195
01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:16,826
Shut the fuck up!
1196
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:19,454
[music stops,
Ron Jon laughs]
1197
01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:21,786
I gotta get me
on of those.
1198
01:00:21,868 --> 01:00:25,213
Hey, those weights
look pretty new, too.
1199
01:00:25,288 --> 01:00:28,667
Listen, how much of that
$5000 have you spent?
1200
01:00:28,750 --> 01:00:30,127
5000?
1201
01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:31,883
Yeah, I gave
you $5000.
1202
01:00:31,962 --> 01:00:33,930
I guess I spent $5000.
1203
01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:35,552
You what?
1204
01:00:35,632 --> 01:00:39,102
No, no! Man...
1205
01:00:39,177 --> 01:00:42,101
The reason I had to cancel
the job is because...
1206
01:00:42,180 --> 01:00:44,979
I have an emergency, and
I need that money back.
1207
01:00:45,058 --> 01:00:46,856
Well, what is the emergency?
1208
01:00:46,935 --> 01:00:49,905
Well...
it's my mother.
1209
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:51,653
She's ill,
1210
01:00:51,731 --> 01:00:54,450

-and if she doesn't get a new...
- Kidney...
1211
01:00:54,526 --> 01:00:58,201
...transplant,
then she'll die.
1212
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,124
That is very, very sad.
1213
01:01:01,199 --> 01:01:04,794
My own mother,
she died of liver failure.
1214
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:09,842
I cannot promise anything, but
I will see what I can do.
1215
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:10,963
[kiss]
1216
01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:12,385
All right.
1217
01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:14,838
Yes, Mom, we're
really excited.
1218
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:17,470
Of course she'll speak English.
We'll teach her.
1219
01:01:17,549 --> 01:01:20,268
No, we haven't come up
with names yet. Hold on.
1220
01:01:27,058 --> 01:01:29,902
Mom, I gotta go.
1221
01:01:29,978 --> 01:01:33,198
Audrey, I'm home.
1222
01:01:33,273 --> 01:01:35,025
I was just down
at the bank, just now,
1223
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:36,860

and it's weird,
because they...
1224
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:39,071
said apparently there's a
mistake that was made,
1225
01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:42,454
but not to worry, because they could
clear it up in a couple days.
1226
01:01:42,532 --> 01:01:45,877
What... is going on?
1227
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,832
Audrey, baby...
1228
01:01:49,915 --> 01:01:51,963
What happened?
What's going on right now?
1229
01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:53,885
Would you stop
for a second?
1230
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:56,054
We're gonna have enough
money for the Chinese baby.
1231
01:01:56,129 --> 01:01:58,632
[gasps]
1232
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:01,468
You can take your Chinese baby
and shove it up your ass.
1233
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,440
They're not mine.
1234
01:02:07,515 --> 01:02:10,234
Okay, tell me.
Then whose are they?
1235
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,399
- They're Wade's.
- Okay.
1236
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:20,241
Aud. Audrey...
1237
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,993
[heels walking away]
1238
01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:24,666
Hey, wait!
Audrey, seriously, stop.
1239
01:02:24,741 --> 01:02:29,121
Hey, Audrey, You've gotta be kidding me.
Please, stop.
1240
01:02:29,204 --> 01:02:30,797
Stop, please!
1241
01:02:30,872 --> 01:02:32,715
- Hold on.
- Do you love her, Tommy?
1242
01:02:32,791 --> 01:02:34,793
Of course not.
I love you.
1243
01:02:34,876 --> 01:02:37,174
Then why were you jerking off
to naked picture of her?
1244
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:40,133
I was jerking off to naked
pictures of cantaloupes.
1245
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:42,263
I saw her
cantaloupes, Tommy.
1246
01:02:42,342 --> 01:02:44,765
And I'm sorry that my cantaloupes
aren't good enough for you.
1247
01:02:44,844 --> 01:02:46,596
If only you found
me attractive,
1248
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,648
you could have jerked off
to naked pictures of me.

1249
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:50,566
Audrey, seriously,
they are Wade's pictures.
1250
01:02:50,642 --> 01:02:52,485
Then how the hell did they
end up in our bathroom?
1251
01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:53,812
Well...
1252
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,238
You know what?
1253
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:56,940
Blame your friends.
Who cares?
1254
01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:59,117
You're not man enough
to knock me up, anyway.
1255
01:03:08,785 --> 01:03:11,379
I can't believe
you broke up with Tanya.
1256
01:03:11,454 --> 01:03:12,876
I got tired of her.
1257
01:03:12,956 --> 01:03:15,254
A man cannot live
by nipples alone.
1258
01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:23,975
Hey, Wade,
you asshole!
1259
01:03:24,050 --> 01:03:27,224
I told you to get the pictures
out of my... [groans]
1260
01:03:30,223 --> 01:03:32,225
She found the pictures.
1261
01:03:32,309 --> 01:03:33,777
Oh...
1262
01:03:34,978 --> 01:03:36,480
You know, she's right.
1263
01:03:36,563 --> 01:03:38,065
I got one job
to do as a man,
1264
01:03:38,148 --> 01:03:39,991
and I can't even do that.
1265
01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:42,114
It's just a little
crisis of confidence.
1266
01:03:42,193 --> 01:03:43,570
It happens to everyone.
1267
01:03:43,653 --> 01:03:45,451
Maybe we should
buy him a hooker.
1268
01:03:45,530 --> 01:03:47,328
What's he gonna do
with a hooker?
1269
01:03:47,407 --> 01:03:48,909
Oh, that's right.
He can't get it up.
1270
01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:51,791
Zig Zag, I can get
it up, dude.
1271
01:03:51,870 --> 01:03:53,588
He can get it up.
He just can't come.
1272
01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:55,836
I can come!
1273
01:03:55,915 --> 01:03:59,294
Yeah, sure. He can come. But nothing comes out.
Just puffs of air.
1274
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:01,345
[all laugh]
1275
01:04:01,421 --> 01:04:03,219
Would you guys shut up?
1276
01:04:03,298 --> 01:04:05,175
If I lose Audrey, I don't
know what I'm gonna do.
1277
01:04:05,258 --> 01:04:06,601
C'mon, don't talk
like that.
1278
01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:08,394
She loves you
and you love her.
1279
01:04:08,470 --> 01:04:10,222
And she knows that you'll
do anything for her.
1280
01:04:10,305 --> 01:04:12,774
But I haven't done
everything, have I?
1281
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:15,272
There's only one thing left I
could do to make this right.
1282
01:04:15,352 --> 01:04:17,320
And I'm gonna do it.
1283
01:04:17,395 --> 01:04:18,897
You're gonna have sex
with that gay guy?
1284
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:20,402
What?
1285
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:23,110
No, I'm gonna go back
to Pasadena,
1286
01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:24,410
and rob that bank.
1287
01:04:24,486 --> 01:04:25,487
Yeah, you are!

1288
01:04:25,570 --> 01:04:27,163
Whoa, rob a bank?
1289
01:04:27,238 --> 01:04:28,660
Here's the deal.
1290
01:04:28,740 --> 01:04:30,583
On Monday, the last
batch of sperm
1291
01:04:30,658 --> 01:04:33,127
that I have left in the
world will be gone forever.
1292
01:04:33,203 --> 01:04:35,922
But tomorrow night,
before that happens,
1293
01:04:35,997 --> 01:04:39,001
we're gonna go in there,
and steal that shit back.
1294
01:04:39,084 --> 01:04:41,507
We're pulling a bank job,
1295
01:04:41,586 --> 01:04:43,463
a sperm bank job.
1296
01:04:43,546 --> 01:04:45,048
What do you guys say?
Who's with me?
1297
01:04:45,131 --> 01:04:47,008
I'm with you, Tomahawk!
1298
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,811
- Zig Zag.
- Aces high!
1299
01:04:49,886 --> 01:04:52,435
Darrell? We could use
some muscle on this job.
1300
01:04:54,849 --> 01:04:59,229
Right, well, I'm just
gonna run home real quick

1301
01:04:59,312 --> 01:05:02,361
and just grab a few
things, a few things...
1302
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:03,987
for this mission.
1303
01:05:04,067 --> 01:05:06,570
Little criminal stuff
for the mission.
1304
01:05:06,653 --> 01:05:08,872
And then I'll meet you guys
at the designated place,
1305
01:05:08,947 --> 01:05:10,324
at the designated time.
1306
01:05:10,407 --> 01:05:11,078
Okay.
1307
01:05:15,245 --> 01:05:19,000
[car starts, squeals out]
1308
01:05:19,082 --> 01:05:20,675
Okay, Darrell's out.
1309
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:23,344
He said designated spot,
designated time.
1310
01:05:23,420 --> 01:05:26,924
Zig Zag, we don't have a designated
spot, or a designated time.
1311
01:05:27,006 --> 01:05:29,475
Oh.
1312
01:05:29,551 --> 01:05:31,974
At least we don't have to cut
him in on the take, right?
1313
01:05:32,053 --> 01:05:32,929
That's good.
1314
01:05:35,890 --> 01:05:39,485
Ron Jon!
It's Wayne.
1315
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:41,188
Ron Jon!
1316
01:05:41,271 --> 01:05:43,273
How can he hear you
over that stupid TV?
1317
01:05:46,484 --> 01:05:48,327
Shut the fuck up!
1318
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:50,952
[silence]
1319
01:05:57,287 --> 01:05:59,756
- What?
- Hi.
1320
01:05:59,831 --> 01:06:03,381
So it's back on,
and we gotta go tonight.
1321
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:05,087
Come in.
1322
01:06:07,338 --> 01:06:09,841
I can't do tonight,
but Wednesday might work.
1323
01:06:09,924 --> 01:06:13,428
Please, Mr. Jon. I paid you a
lot of money to do this job.
1324
01:06:13,511 --> 01:06:15,559
Hey, you canceled
the job, remember?
1325
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:18,107
Yeah, but you never
gave me back my money.
1326
01:06:18,183 --> 01:06:19,651
Wait.
1327
01:06:26,107 --> 01:06:28,109
What is this?
You got my money in here?
1328
01:06:28,193 --> 01:06:29,160
Open it.
1329
01:06:31,196 --> 01:06:35,292
What the--what is this?
1330
01:06:35,366 --> 01:06:37,164
What do you mean
what the fuck?
1331
01:06:37,243 --> 01:06:39,166
It's a kidney. You say your
mother needs a kidney.
1332
01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:41,247
How about a little
"Thank you, Mr. Ron Jon."
1333
01:06:41,331 --> 01:06:43,584
Whose kidney is that?
Whose kidney is that?
1334
01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:46,465
Mr. Jon...
1335
01:06:46,544 --> 01:06:47,966
I don't know
how to tell you this,
1336
01:06:48,046 --> 01:06:49,639
but my mother's
perfectly healthy.
1337
01:06:49,714 --> 01:06:52,092
I made that shit up
to get my money back.
1338
01:06:52,175 --> 01:06:53,973
I see.
1339
01:06:54,052 --> 01:06:56,726
I feel very sorry. I feel
very strange about this.
1340
01:06:56,804 --> 01:06:58,272
Whose is this?
1341
01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:02,103
What man is out there
with less body?
1342
01:07:02,185 --> 01:07:05,234
Listen to me,
Mr. Jon, okay?
1343
01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:07,615
Please.
1344
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,658
I'm desperate, okay?
1345
01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:11,532
Please help me.
1346
01:07:11,611 --> 01:07:13,488
I can't lose my wife.
1347
01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:15,744
You should have thought of
that before you lied to me.
1348
01:07:15,823 --> 01:07:17,917
What if I paid you
a shitload more money?
1349
01:07:17,992 --> 01:07:19,084
5000 dollars.
1350
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:21,037
Goddammit, look.
1351
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:23,373
I got $4000
right there, in cash,
1352
01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:24,924
in this envelope right here.
1353
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:29,129
Okay, okay.
All right, okay.
1354
01:07:29,212 --> 01:07:33,092
I have got $40. $40.
1355
01:07:33,174 --> 01:07:34,471
Zig Zag.
1356
01:08:06,624 --> 01:08:09,343
[Zig Zag mutters]
What do we have here?
1357
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:14,425
One, two, three...
1358
01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:16,180
[normal voice]
I have $8.
1359
01:08:16,259 --> 01:08:19,729
We've got $4048, okay?
1360
01:08:19,804 --> 01:08:21,522
So what do you say?
C'mon.
1361
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,773
I'm not sure
if I can trust my team..
1362
01:08:25,852 --> 01:08:29,527
Okay, you know what? Let's
sweeten the deal a little bit.
1363
01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:33,201
Okay? What do you
say to that?
1364
01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:43,703
You know my weakness.
1365
01:08:43,786 --> 01:08:45,379
Let's do it!
1366
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:46,456
[sighs heavily]
1367
01:08:46,539 --> 01:08:47,665
Let's do it.
1368
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:56,891
She's your ex-girlfriend?
1369
01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,388
Yep.
1370
01:08:58,468 --> 01:09:00,015
[Ron Jon]
And your ex-girlfriend...
1371
01:09:01,387 --> 01:09:03,389
And what
about you, Ziplock?
1372
01:09:03,473 --> 01:09:05,225
I practice abstinence.
1373
01:09:05,308 --> 01:09:09,188
Good. I would not like a
woman you're attached.
1374
01:09:09,270 --> 01:09:10,692
When do I get her?
1375
01:09:10,772 --> 01:09:12,695
You get her. What?
1376
01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:14,868
Do you think she would like me?
Does she like beards?
1377
01:09:16,861 --> 01:09:18,329
Oh, shit.
Did you think that-1378
01:09:18,404 --> 01:09:21,203
Tomorrow, noon.
We will drop her off.
1379
01:09:21,282 --> 01:09:23,376
Noon is good for me.
1380
01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:25,078

Noon can work.
1381
01:09:29,123 --> 01:09:31,467
[door knob turning,
door opening]
1382
01:09:31,542 --> 01:09:33,169
Tommy?
1383
01:09:35,463 --> 01:09:37,932
Tommy, I'm home!
1384
01:09:40,593 --> 01:09:43,221
[voice-mail]
Firs! message.
1385
01:09:43,304 --> 01:09:46,979
[Tommy] Hey, honey. I just wanna tell
you that I've got it all figured out.
1386
01:09:47,058 --> 01:09:48,776
I am gonna get
my sperm back
1387
01:09:48,851 --> 01:09:51,274
and we are gonna
have our family, okay?
1388
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:53,982
I gotta go, but I will
see you tonight.
1389
01:09:54,065 --> 01:09:56,193
[Wade] Wait for me! Let's
go steal that jizz!
1390
01:09:56,275 --> 01:09:58,277
Wade, shut up!
1391
01:09:58,361 --> 01:10:00,113
Oh, my God.
1392
01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:04,872
[crickets chirping]
1393
01:10:06,327 --> 01:10:08,295
Where the fuck

is Ron Jon, man?
1394
01:10:08,371 --> 01:10:11,170
[Wade]
Will you stop asking that?
1395
01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:13,126
Something's not right.
1396
01:10:13,209 --> 01:10:15,337
Jesus, Zig Zag.
Stop smoking pot.
1397
01:10:15,420 --> 01:10:17,013
It's making you paranoid
you douche.
1398
01:10:17,088 --> 01:10:18,715
Dude, it's for my glaucoma.
1399
01:10:18,798 --> 01:10:20,800
Do you really
have glaucoma?
1400
01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:22,385
Early stages.
1401
01:10:23,970 --> 01:10:25,597
Hey, dude.
1402
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,273
- Where have you been?
- Seriousy, dude.
1403
01:10:27,348 --> 01:10:29,225
I was casing the joint.
1404
01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:31,060
Good news...
1405
01:10:31,144 --> 01:10:34,068
There is no guard on duty,
and there is no alarm.
1406
01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:37,071
It's almost as if they don't
expect someone to break in

1407
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,198
and steal their
own sperm back.
1408
01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,245
[Ron Jon laughs]
1409
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:43,163
I have to tell you,
1410
01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:45,458
this is the craziest fucking
job I've ever been on.
1411
01:10:45,533 --> 01:10:48,082
Although there was
one time in India,
1412
01:10:48,161 --> 01:10:51,461
when they hired me to steal a
monkey back from a barber.
1413
01:10:51,539 --> 01:10:53,212
But what they
neglected to tell me
1414
01:10:53,291 --> 01:10:56,465
was how horny
this particular monkey was.
1415
01:10:59,714 --> 01:11:02,843
Okay, back to job.
1416
01:11:02,925 --> 01:11:05,599
We go in,
we steal the semen,
1417
01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:08,682
we get out.
Ten minutes, synchronized.
1418
01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:11,018
Okay, let's-let's do this.
1419
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,397

If the cops come,
1420
01:11:12,477 --> 01:11:14,855
honk three times,
like this.
1421
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:16,314
[horn honking]
1422
01:11:16,397 --> 01:11:18,491
What the fuck, dude?
1423
01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:19,943
Why did you do that?
1424
01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:22,654
That is signal
to abort mission.
1425
01:11:22,737 --> 01:11:24,705
Ow, fuck, man!
1426
01:11:24,781 --> 01:11:27,876
If you leave without us,
I will find you.,
1427
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:29,952
and I will kill you.
1428
01:11:30,912 --> 01:11:31,834
Let's roll.
1429
01:11:40,505 --> 01:11:41,927
[Tommy]
I don't know, Wade.
1430
01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:44,134
I got a bad feeling
about this guy.
1431
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:46,185
Well, that's just because
he's a criminal.
1432
01:11:46,260 --> 01:11:48,058
That's how you're
supposed to feel.
1433
01:11:51,182 --> 01:11:52,229
[Ron Jon]
Shit.
1434
01:11:55,269 --> 01:11:56,395
Shit!
1435
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:58,072
What's wrong?
1436
01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:01,401
I can't remember
the exact combination.
1437
01:12:01,484 --> 01:12:03,532
To the lock
picking kit?
1438
01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:06,911
Yes, to the lock
picking kit, okay?
1439
01:12:06,989 --> 01:12:09,037
Did you write it
down somewhere?
1440
01:12:09,116 --> 01:12:11,744
If I wrote it down, I'd have
the fucking thing open.
1441
01:12:11,828 --> 01:12:12,920
Maybe it's
your birthday.
1442
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:14,497
It's not my birthday.
1443
01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:16,423
- Phone number.
- Don't make fun of me.
1444
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:19,173
- Street address?
- What the fuck does that mean?
1445
01:12:19,252 --> 01:12:21,721

Oh, oh!
Mother's birthday.
1446
01:12:21,796 --> 01:12:23,093
Could be.
1447
01:12:24,590 --> 01:12:27,514
[Ron Jon yells]
1448
01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:38,775
Don't worry,.
I have an idea.
1449
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:42,900
[glass breaking]
1450
01:12:48,531 --> 01:12:52,126
- Bad man for the India mafia?
- That's what I was told.
1451
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:54,499
[Ron Jon] Okay, where
do they keep the sperm?
1452
01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:56,252
How the hell
should I know?
1453
01:12:56,330 --> 01:12:59,254
Oh, shit! I just remembered
the combination!
1454
01:12:59,333 --> 01:13:01,051
Awesome. Great.
1455
01:13:01,127 --> 01:13:02,970
We gotta split up so we
can cover more ground.
1456
01:13:31,365 --> 01:13:33,163
Hello, lady.
1457
01:13:46,756 --> 01:13:48,258
Bingo.
1458
01:14:00,102 --> 01:14:01,900
Bingo.
1459
01:14:04,357 --> 01:14:07,452
[Zig Zag moaning]
1460
01:14:11,614 --> 01:14:12,957
Bingo.
1461
01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:22,088
[whispers] Okay. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Jackpot.
1462
01:14:22,166 --> 01:14:24,589
Macklin, Macklin...
1463
01:14:24,669 --> 01:14:26,137
Yeah, yeah.
1464
01:14:32,635 --> 01:14:34,387
Whoa, whoa!
1465
01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:36,643
[Crash]
1466
01:14:41,143 --> 01:14:46,525
[screams]
1467
01:15:58,262 --> 01:15:59,559
Bingo.
1468
01:15:59,638 --> 01:16:03,518
[laughs]
1469
01:16:05,019 --> 01:16:07,568
[screams]
1470
01:16:09,106 --> 01:16:10,278
What is this?
1471
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:17,745
[groans]
1472
01:16:31,754 --> 01:16:34,553
Okay, okay.
1473
01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:44,226

Wade! Ron Jon!
I got my sperm.
1474
01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:47,858
What are you doing?
1475
01:16:47,937 --> 01:16:50,315
I am very lonely.
Never married.
1476
01:16:50,397 --> 01:16:51,364
We gotta get out of here.
1477
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:52,908
No, no, no, no.
1478
01:16:55,402 --> 01:16:56,745
Where is it?
1479
01:17:00,199 --> 01:17:01,496
What?
1480
01:17:01,575 --> 01:17:04,328
Don't move.
Okay?
1481
01:17:04,411 --> 01:17:05,788
No! No!
1482
01:17:05,871 --> 01:17:06,963
Don't move!
1483
01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:09,041
[screams]
1484
01:17:16,799 --> 01:17:19,427
Oh, shit. Fuck. Cops.
1485
01:17:19,510 --> 01:17:21,433
[horn honking]
1486
01:17:21,512 --> 01:17:23,935
Ron Jon, that's the signal.
1487
01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:25,266
Let's go!
1488
01:17:32,148 --> 01:17:35,197
[gags]
Okay.
1489
01:17:37,611 --> 01:17:39,659
Shit!
[Squealing tires]
1490
01:17:45,369 --> 01:17:47,292
[screams]
1491
01:17:47,371 --> 01:17:49,123
Wade, are you okay?
1492
01:17:49,206 --> 01:17:50,708
Once I'm soapy.
1493
01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:54,879
- I need some mouthwash.
- I got my sperm.
1494
01:17:54,962 --> 01:17:56,214
Awesome.
1495
01:17:56,297 --> 01:17:57,674
Where the hell
is Zig Zog?
1496
01:17:57,756 --> 01:17:59,474
Son of a bitch!
1497
01:17:59,550 --> 01:18:01,848
Don't worry. I will
kill that motherfucker.
1498
01:18:03,137 --> 01:18:05,856
Cops, cops, cops!
Go,go!
1499
01:18:07,308 --> 01:18:09,811
Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit.
1500
01:18:09,894 --> 01:18:11,271
We gotta get the hell
out of here.
1501
01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:12,821
Yeah, we gotta go
steal a car.
1502
01:18:12,897 --> 01:18:14,069
Wait, wait, wait.
1503
01:18:14,148 --> 01:18:15,946
You cannot take the risk.
1504
01:18:16,025 --> 01:18:17,151
You have to make a baby.
1505
01:18:17,234 --> 01:18:18,907
That is your job.
1506
01:18:18,986 --> 01:18:20,203
I will go get us a car.
1507
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:21,826
That's grand
theft auto.
1508
01:18:21,906 --> 01:18:24,500
Grand theft auto.
That is how I started.
1509
01:18:24,575 --> 01:18:27,124
Life of crime.
Very nice.
1510
01:18:30,206 --> 01:18:34,882
Can I have the addresses of all the
sperm banks in Pasadena, please?
1511
01:18:34,960 --> 01:18:37,884
No, this isn't
a crank call.
1512
01:18:37,963 --> 01:18:40,637
Ew, get your mind
out of the gutter.
1513
01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:42,059
You're gonna have
to turn up here.
1514
01:18:42,134 --> 01:18:43,977
- Which way?
- That way.
1515
01:18:44,053 --> 01:18:45,646
Really?
What is that?
1516
01:18:45,721 --> 01:18:46,768
Which way?
1517
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:47,939
That way!
1518
01:18:50,935 --> 01:18:52,152
Wade, where is he?
1519
01:18:52,228 --> 01:18:53,821
My sperm's gonna fall out.
1520
01:18:53,896 --> 01:18:54,818
Shh!
1521
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:55,739
What is that?
1522
01:19:01,904 --> 01:19:02,826
What the hell?
1523
01:19:04,281 --> 01:19:08,661
- Oh, my God.
- Come on! Let's go!
1524
01:19:08,744 --> 01:19:09,961
Get in!
1525
01:19:10,037 --> 01:19:12,131
[rap music on radio]
1526
01:19:12,206 --> 01:19:13,924
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
1527
01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,091
[squealing tires]
1528
01:19:21,548 --> 01:19:23,095
What the fuck?
1529
01:19:23,175 --> 01:19:24,768
Please don't hurt us!
1530
01:19:24,843 --> 01:19:26,561
Ron Jon, what are
these people doing here?
1531
01:19:26,637 --> 01:19:28,310
This was the only car
with the key in it.
1532
01:19:28,389 --> 01:19:30,187
Well, pull it over!
Pull it over right now.
1533
01:19:30,266 --> 01:19:32,018
I can 'l pull over.
They've already seen us.
1534
01:19:32,101 --> 01:19:35,025
- Please don't kill us!
- We haven't seen anything.
1535
01:19:35,104 --> 01:19:37,072
Nobody's killing
anybody,okay?
1536
01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:39,195
Technically, we really
should kill them.
1537
01:19:39,275 --> 01:19:40,572
No! No!
1538
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:42,244
Ron Jon!
1539
01:19:42,319 --> 01:19:43,992
Okay, fine. I pull over.
Give me a minute.
1540
01:19:44,071 --> 01:19:45,994
- Dude, your sperm's melting.
- Oh, shit.
1541
01:19:46,073 --> 01:19:47,450
Ron Jon!
1542
01:19:47,533 --> 01:19:48,955
Man, I need some ice
back here.
1543
01:19:49,034 --> 01:19:50,707
This sperm is starting
to heat up.
1544
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:52,459
Ron Jon, pull over.
Ron Jon, get me some ice.
1545
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:54,961
Is there anything else
I can do for you, sir?
1546
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:56,838
Okay, one second.
1547
01:19:56,917 --> 01:19:57,964
Here you go!
1548
01:19:58,043 --> 01:19:59,841
[woman screams]
1549
01:19:59,920 --> 01:20:02,093
It's okay.
1550
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:05,851
Chill out, sperm!
1551
01:20:05,926 --> 01:20:07,553
[Siren]
1552
01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:09,013
Oh, shit!
1553
01:20:09,096 --> 01:20:10,473
We are having company!
1554
01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:12,479
Oh, fuck!
1555
01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:15,107
Hold on people!
I'm going to lose him!
1556
01:20:15,185 --> 01:20:17,153
[squealing tires, screams]
1557
01:20:17,229 --> 01:20:19,152
- You smell really great.
- Thank you.
1558
01:20:26,697 --> 01:20:28,415
False alarm!
1559
01:20:28,490 --> 01:20:29,912
Everything's cool.
1560
01:20:29,992 --> 01:20:32,165
- Just an ambulance.
- An ambulance?
1561
01:20:32,244 --> 01:20:33,587
Are you crazy?
1562
01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:34,959
Hey, man.
You should be happy.
1563
01:20:35,039 --> 01:20:36,757
We're home free.
We made it.
1564
01:20:36,832 --> 01:20:39,676
Congratulations. You're
going to be a daddy!
1565
01:20:39,752 --> 01:20:40,924
I am , aren't I?
1566
01:20:41,003 --> 01:20:42,596
Thank you, Ron Jon.
1567
01:20:42,671 --> 01:20:44,423
We did it, Macklin!
1568
01:20:49,553 --> 01:20:51,226
[Ron Jon indistinct]
1569
01:20:51,305 --> 01:20:55,105
Let us have
some liquid celebrate!
1570
01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:57,061
[pulls cork off
with teeth]
1571
01:20:57,144 --> 01:21:00,398
[screams]
1572
01:21:00,481 --> 01:21:01,573
Ron Jon!
1573
01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:04,948
[everyone screaming]
1574
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:15,587
I think I just
had a miscarriage.
1575
01:21:26,590 --> 01:21:29,059
Ow, fuck.
What the fuck, man?
1576
01:21:29,134 --> 01:21:30,511
Are you okay?
1577
01:21:30,594 --> 01:21:33,723
[bottle clinks
on pavement]
1578
01:21:33,806 --> 01:21:36,685
Hey, I was just coming
to get you, man.
1579
01:21:36,767 --> 01:21:38,690
Are you okay?
1580
01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:41,067
- I will kill you!
- Oh, fuckin' hey, dude.
1581
01:21:41,146 --> 01:21:43,490

Fuckin' hey, man!
1582
01:21:43,565 --> 01:21:44,908
I was coming back.
1583
01:21:44,983 --> 01:21:46,530
[sirens]
1584
01:21:46,610 --> 01:21:48,157
Freeze!
1585
01:21:48,237 --> 01:21:49,830
Get on the ground.
Get on the ground!
1586
01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:52,579
You're under arrest
for grand theft auto.
1587
01:21:54,993 --> 01:21:56,995
You, too, asshole!
Get down!
1588
01:21:57,079 --> 01:22:00,379
Tommy, fuck
or be fucked, bro.
1589
01:22:02,251 --> 01:22:04,174
Drop the bucket
and get down.
1590
01:22:04,253 --> 01:22:05,425
Fuck or be fucked!
1591
01:22:08,632 --> 01:22:09,758
Yeah!
1592
01:22:09,842 --> 01:22:11,515
You'll never catch him!
1593
01:22:12,344 --> 01:22:13,095
Fuck!
1594
01:22:14,263 --> 01:22:15,731
Slow down!
1595
01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:17,979
[sirens]
1596
01:22:32,990 --> 01:22:34,833
I need backup.
He's still running.
1597
01:22:46,211 --> 01:22:50,591
Oh, it's close. It's close.
It's right around here.
1598
01:22:50,674 --> 01:22:53,598
What the fuck?
1599
01:22:53,677 --> 01:22:55,224
Oh, Jesus.
1600
01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:57,773
I don't even know
those guys. C'mon!
1601
01:22:59,349 --> 01:23:01,101
- Wade?
- Hey Audrey, what's up?
1602
01:23:01,185 --> 01:23:02,402
Where's Tommy?
1603
01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:03,980
Ma'am, please keep moving.
1604
01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:05,814
He's got the sperm.
He's got the sperm.
1605
01:23:05,898 --> 01:23:07,241
He went that way!
1606
01:23:18,660 --> 01:23:23,291
All right, buddy.
Come on out.
1607
01:23:23,373 --> 01:23:24,966
I see you.
1608
01:23:28,378 --> 01:23:30,972
Come on out.
No place to go.
1609
01:23:31,048 --> 01:23:34,598
- Uh, no.
- Yeah.
1610
01:23:34,676 --> 01:23:35,973
- No.
- Yeah.
1611
01:23:36,053 --> 01:23:37,930
- No!
- You're coming out now.
1612
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,266
Don't I get some, uh...
1613
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:43,478
I got some demands.
1614
01:23:43,560 --> 01:23:45,437
Yeah, I got
a list of demands.
1615
01:23:45,521 --> 01:23:47,740
Okay.
1616
01:23:47,814 --> 01:23:49,862
What do you want?
1617
01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:52,320
I need a bucket
of ice.
1618
01:23:52,402 --> 01:23:55,030
That's it.
A bucket of ice.
1619
01:23:55,113 --> 01:23:56,990
How about a bucket
of chicken instead?
1620
01:23:57,074 --> 01:23:59,418
Hey, man. I need
that ice now.
1621
01:23:59,493 --> 01:24:02,622

Do you mind my asking
what you need the ice for?
1622
01:24:04,831 --> 01:24:07,960
Be--because I have
to keep my sperm cold.
1623
01:24:08,043 --> 01:24:09,545
What was that?
1624
01:24:09,628 --> 01:24:11,505
Because I have
to keep my sperm cold!
1625
01:24:11,588 --> 01:24:14,637
[laughs cynically] You're
sperm is too hot, is it?
1626
01:24:14,716 --> 01:24:17,469
There was a break in at the
sperm bank down the street.
1627
01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:22,150
God, this country just keeps
getting weirder and weirder.
1628
01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:24,397
- Call psychiatric.
- All right.
1629
01:24:24,476 --> 01:24:28,606
Son? Is that stolen sperm
you've got there?
1630
01:24:28,689 --> 01:24:31,408
No, it's my sperm!
All right?
1631
01:24:31,483 --> 01:24:33,360
If it's sperm
he's looking for,
1632
01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:35,571
there's gonna be plenty where he's headed.
Am I right?
1633
01:24:35,654 --> 01:24:38,123
[cops laugh]
1634
01:24:38,198 --> 01:24:41,168
Hey, Captain.
This is his wife.
1635
01:24:41,243 --> 01:24:44,042
Can I talk to him? I can
get him to come out.
1636
01:24:44,121 --> 01:24:45,668
Yeah, well you got
two minutes.
1637
01:24:45,747 --> 01:24:47,841
Then we're gonna
take him the hard way.
1638
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,714
Get the battering ram.
1639
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:51,261
Bring it in.
1640
01:24:54,172 --> 01:24:56,470
Tommy!
1641
01:25:08,020 --> 01:25:10,364
- Hi.
- Hi.
1642
01:25:12,399 --> 01:25:14,822
I got my sperm.
1643
01:25:14,901 --> 01:25:16,744
I know.
1644
01:25:16,820 --> 01:25:18,788
It's been a weird
couple days, hasn't it?
1645
01:25:21,033 --> 01:25:24,628
This is the coolest thing a
guy has ever done for a girl.
1646
01:25:32,544 --> 01:25:35,138
Look, I'm sorry I got mad at you
about the pictures of Tanya.

1647
01:25:35,213 --> 01:25:37,090
I know you never would have
jerked off to them.
1648
01:25:37,174 --> 01:25:39,472
No, I'm sorry I bought your
ring with beat off money.
1649
01:25:39,551 --> 01:25:42,020
And I jerked off to that stupid
picture of those cantaloupes.
1650
01:25:42,095 --> 01:25:44,894
No, I saw the cantaloupes.
They were kinda hot.
1651
01:25:46,850 --> 01:25:53,449
Audrey, I'm sorry
my sperm stopped working.
1652
01:25:53,523 --> 01:25:56,902
Don't worry about it.
1653
01:25:56,985 --> 01:26:00,239
So what do we do with this stuff?
Just shove it on up there?
1654
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:05,078
- Yeah, I think so.
- Okay.
1655
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:08,630
They're gonna want to take this away.
You know that, right?
1656
01:26:08,705 --> 01:26:10,298
I know.
1657
01:26:10,374 --> 01:26:13,253
And then they're gonna
put me in in jail.
1658
01:26:13,335 --> 01:26:16,509
[police captain]
Bring it over here!
1659
01:26:16,588 --> 01:26:19,216
Okay, take the door!
1660
01:26:19,299 --> 01:26:21,427
- Ready?
- Ready.
1661
01:26:21,510 --> 01:26:24,013
On three, two, one.
1662
01:26:29,059 --> 01:26:32,689
Hand over the jizz
and get on the ground.
1663
01:26:32,771 --> 01:26:36,241
C'mon man.
I really need this stuff.
1664
01:26:36,316 --> 01:26:37,317
Get down now!
1665
01:26:37,401 --> 01:26:39,028
Tommy.
1666
01:26:42,322 --> 01:26:43,744
[high-pitched sound]
1667
01:26:43,824 --> 01:26:46,577
Look at my dick!
Look at my penis!
1668
01:26:46,660 --> 01:26:47,536
What the...
1669
01:26:52,958 --> 01:26:56,178
Operation Desert Sperm!
1670
01:27:00,215 --> 01:27:01,307
Where's the sperm?
1671
01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,010
I don't know.
1672
01:27:03,093 --> 01:27:05,937
- Did you get it?
- No, I missed it!
1673
01:27:06,012 --> 01:27:07,514
- What?
- Let's go!
1674
01:27:09,808 --> 01:27:11,025
Hands behind your back.
1675
01:27:13,895 --> 01:27:15,568
I'll meet you back
at the station, okay?
1676
01:27:15,647 --> 01:27:17,490
Okay.
1677
01:27:17,566 --> 01:27:19,819
- Hey.
- What?
1678
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:22,074
You're always with me.
1679
01:27:24,906 --> 01:27:26,624
All right.
Let's go!
1680
01:27:38,503 --> 01:27:40,221
- Breathe!
- Okay.
1681
01:27:40,297 --> 01:27:42,015
You're doing great!
1682
01:27:42,090 --> 01:27:44,058
- Okay, we're almost there.
- You're doing great!
1683
01:27:44,134 --> 01:27:45,727
One big push.
1684
01:27:45,802 --> 01:27:47,395
We're almost there.
1685
01:27:50,140 --> 01:27:52,518
[baby crying]
1686
01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:54,228

- You got the clamp?
- Yes.
1687
01:27:57,689 --> 01:27:59,908
He's beautiful.
1688
01:27:59,983 --> 01:28:06,457
- My little baby.
- Very nice. Very beautiful. Very beautiful.
1689
01:28:06,531 --> 01:28:08,283
Hello, little fellow.
1690
01:28:09,743 --> 01:28:12,212
Hello.
1691
01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:14,665
Yeah?
1692
01:28:14,748 --> 01:28:17,752
What?
1693
01:28:17,834 --> 01:28:20,212
Okay, yeah, yeah.
No, no, I'll tell the guys.
1694
01:28:20,295 --> 01:28:21,922
No, no, I'll tell the guys.
1695
01:28:22,005 --> 01:28:25,225
Okay. Be good.
Talk to you soon.
1696
01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:28,053
Everybody?
Got some news.
1697
01:28:28,136 --> 01:28:29,638
Ron Jon's a daddy!
1698
01:28:36,228 --> 01:28:41,075
[advanced piano music]
1699
01:28:43,902 --> 01:28:45,996
Hey, Mama?
What's going on in here?
1700
01:28:49,324 --> 01:28:51,326
That is to the end
of breastfeeding.
1701
01:28:51,409 --> 01:28:52,752
- Hi.
- Hi.
1702
01:28:52,828 --> 01:28:54,751
You're pretty.
1703
01:28:54,830 --> 01:28:57,629
And how's my little mookie?
How are you doing?
1704
01:28:57,707 --> 01:29:00,881
He's beautiful and
wonderful and farty.
1705
01:29:00,961 --> 01:29:02,713
Just like his Daddy!
1706
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:05,595
Daddy's a little farty.
Daddy gets that way, too.
1707
01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:07,676
And there's my two
other little munchkins.
1708
01:29:07,759 --> 01:29:09,477
How are you kids
doing over there ?
1709
01:29:09,553 --> 01:29:11,351
Don'! we make
beautiful babies together?
1710
01:29:11,429 --> 01:29:13,022
I need butt cream.
1711
01:29:13,098 --> 01:29:15,567
Okay, Mama's gonna
go get some butt cream.
1712
01:29:15,642 --> 01:29:17,815
Hey, dude. Grab the triplets.

It's time.
1713
01:29:19,145 --> 01:29:20,442
He's gonna go for you.
1714
01:29:20,522 --> 01:29:22,616
- He's ready.
- My little guy.
1715
01:29:22,691 --> 01:29:24,443
Hey, little man!
1716
01:29:24,526 --> 01:29:25,778
There's my big guy!
1717
01:29:25,861 --> 01:29:26,862
Hi!
1718
01:29:28,071 --> 01:29:29,197
All right, here we go.
1719
01:29:29,281 --> 01:29:31,204
I got $12 on Emmett!
1720
01:29:31,283 --> 01:29:33,206
Okay, put him down.
1721
01:29:33,285 --> 01:29:35,788
Sammy's my boy. He's about
to clean some clocks.
1722
01:29:35,871 --> 01:29:37,919
That's him
in the yellow, right?
1723
01:29:37,998 --> 01:29:40,717
No, that's Annie in the yellow.
Is that Audrey's breastmilk?
1724
01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:42,385
Nothing but the best
for these horses.
1725
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:45,179
All right, now.
It's the 15-yard dash.
1726
01:29:45,255 --> 01:29:47,553
The first baby that gets
to the bottle wins.
1727
01:29:47,632 --> 01:29:48,599
You in on this action?
1728
01:29:48,675 --> 01:29:49,927
Absolutely.
1729
01:29:50,010 --> 01:29:51,182
C'mon. These babies are hot.
1730
01:29:51,261 --> 01:29:52,387
Let's go, let's go!
1731
01:29:52,470 --> 01:29:53,767
What's going on here?
1732
01:29:53,847 --> 01:29:55,565
Uh, we're racing
the babies.
1733
01:29:55,640 --> 01:29:56,892
Huh.
1734
01:29:56,975 --> 01:29:58,397
- I got fifty on...
- Annie?
1735
01:29:58,476 --> 01:30:00,444
Yeah.
1736
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:02,898
Okay, let's make
some money.
1737
01:30:02,981 --> 01:30:06,531
On your mark, get set,
go babies, go!
1738
01:30:06,610 --> 01:30:11,707
[cheering]
1739
01:30:38,558 --> 01:30:41,437
J' I came to L.A.

to make rock 'n' roll J'
1740
01:30:41,519 --> 01:30:44,989
J' Along the way, I had
to sell my soul J'
1741
01:30:45,065 --> 01:30:47,534
J' I made some good friends
that make me say J
1742
01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:51,364
J' I really wannabe in LA J'
1743
01:30:55,408 --> 01:30:58,412
J' I took the ten
to get to Beverly J'
1744
01:30:58,495 --> 01:31:01,419
J' Laid some rock
to tape roll at 11AD J'
1745
01:31:01,498 --> 01:31:04,502
J' Alain and Natasha
always make me say J'
1746
01:31:04,584 --> 01:31:07,508
J' I really wannabe in L.A. J'
1747
01:31:48,253 --> 01:31:51,427
J' I take the city
in the dead of night J'
1748
01:31:51,506 --> 01:31:54,760
J' I'm burning gas
until I feel all right J'
1749
01:31:54,843 --> 01:31:57,437
J' My Sunset honeys
always make me say J'
1750
01:31:57,512 --> 01:32:01,938
1751
01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:05,191
J' I came to L.A.
to make rock 'n roll J'
1752
01:32:05,270 --> 01:32:08,820
J' Along the way,
I had to sell my soul J'
1753
01:32:08,898 --> 01:32:11,026
J' I made some good friends
that make me say J
1754
01:32:11,109 --> 01:32:16,109
1755
01:32:37,343 --> 01:32:42,645
J' Well, nothing could improve
my situation J'
1756
01:32:42,724 --> 01:32:48,447
J' 'Cause cigarettes taste better
paired with coffee and frustration J'
1757
01:32:48,521 --> 01:32:55,496
J' And I always need
a reason to complain J'
1758
01:32:55,570 --> 01:33:00,076
J' Ain't it good
to feel the pain J'
1759
01:33:06,790 --> 01:33:13,469
J' I live this way
and get away with if J'
1760
01:33:13,546 --> 01:33:18,097
J' I'm my own boss
but I don't pay me shit J'
1761
01:33:18,176 --> 01:33:24,684
J' And there's angels
fighting demons all the time J'
1762
01:33:24,766 --> 01:33:29,567
J' Growing in the dark
of my mind J'
1763
01:33:29,646 --> 01:33:34,072
.PAnd you are the best thing
and the worst for me J'
1764
01:33:34,150 --> 01:33:37,199

J' I'm blessed and cursed J'
1765
01:33:37,278 --> 01:33:43,957
J' Together we will stay
with hell on earth to pay J'
1766
01:33:44,035 --> 01:33:50,668
J' And until the day I die
I'm in heaven by your side J'
1767
01:33:50,750 --> 01:33:54,471
J' by your side J'
1768
01:34:10,645 --> 01:34:16,027
J' Well nothing in this world
can bring me down J'
1769
01:34:16,109 --> 01:34:22,162
J' Short of spending one more
nightmare in this godforsaken town J'
1770
01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:28,168
J' And you're the only one
who sets me free J'
1771
01:34:28,246 --> 01:34:33,673
J' The only one
who bothers me J'
1772
01:34:40,133 --> 01:34:45,185
J' And the wheels are spinning
faster every day J'
1773
01:34:45,263 --> 01:34:51,111
J' And if I was touching ground
I bet that I could get away I
1774
01:34:51,186 --> 01:34:57,944
J' From all the moons and stars
and space you're giving me J'
1775
01:34:58,026 --> 01:35:02,076
J' I could start a new galaxy J'
1776
01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:06,456
J' And you will tour
the universe with me J'
1777
01:35:06,534 --> 01:35:09,834
J' We're blessed and cursed J'
1778
01:35:09,913 --> 01:35:16,171
J' Together we will stay
We just can't get away J'
1779
01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:23,056
J' And until the day I die
I'm in heaven by your side J'

The Babymakers

Caricato da

Informazioni sul documento

Descrizione originale:

Titolo originale

Copyright

Formati disponibili

Condividi questo documento

Condividi o incorpora il documento

Opzioni di condivisione

Hai trovato utile questo documento?

Questo contenuto è inappropriato?

Copyright:

Formati disponibili

The Babymakers

Caricato da

Copyright:

Formati disponibili

1

00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,999

00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:11,038

The second we walked in here, I

00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,527

Of course it won't fit.

00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,953

00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,992

showing these pictures?

Because I read on the Internet that

00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,700

it to boil for three long hours</i>

I went to an orgy once.

dudes all around.

different forms of stimulation,

00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,126

but it's "not a good time. "</i>

00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,348

00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,359

00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:55,959

00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,193

00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,786

00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:17,283

Are you okay, honey?

00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,778

<i>You know, honey, I clipped an

I know what I was gonna say.

So much for the theory that left

you for any expenses,</i>

00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:30,019

00:44:17,947 --> 00:44:20,996

Now you're talking sense.

in the Indian mafia?

I did drive a cab! And I

00:48:05,257 --> 00:48:07,305

00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:35,014

Yeah, I'm with Tom

00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:14,950

[loud rock music]

then why not skip the Ninja

00:55:08,806 --> 00:55:11,400

half American kids?

00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:40,481

Well, when you add it all up,

to canceled job. Come.

01:00:51,731 --> 01:00:54,450

01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:36,860

to naked pictures of me.

Yeah, you are!

gonna run home real quick

01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:25,078

Where the fuck

expect someone to break in

01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,397

01:12:19,252 --> 01:12:21,721

01:16:41,222 --> 01:16:44,226

01:21:41,146 --> 01:21:43,490

01:23:59,493 --> 01:24:02,622

about the pictures of Tanya.

01:27:52,601 --> 01:27:54,228

Hey, dude. Grab the triplets.

<i>J' I came to L.A.