Wednesday

A One Act Play By Ricky Diaz

Characters:

Kenneth (16): A normal teenage boy. Best friend of Patrick. Kind, humble, unassuming, very intelligent, compassionate, and empathetic. Has a huge crush on Dani, but is too scared to ask her out. Dani (16): A normal everyday teenage girl. Best friend of Hannah. Beautiful, sweet, and kind to others. Has a huge crush on Kenneth, but afraid to wrecking their friendship by making a move. Patrick (17): Teenage boy. Kenneths best friend. Loves to have fun and enjoys teasing Kenneth a lot, but genuinely cares about Kenneths happiness. Smart, but rarely shows it. Lacks tact and never filters what he says. Hannah (16): Teenage girl. Danis best friend. Extremely attractive and knows it. Believes she is more widely liked than she truly is. Not very bright. Overly sexual in demeanor and conversation. Setting: Holden High cafeteria and Mr. Coxs classroom. Time: Random Wednesday of the present.

1. SCENE 1: ONE EVENTFUL WEDNESDAY Lights fade up on the Holden High cafeteria. There are two lunch tables on opposite sides of the stage. At one table sits KENNETH and PATRICK, DANI and HANNAH sit at the other. When lights fade up, characters should be frozen as if the scene were paused. KENNETH is staring lovingly at DANI. Hes had a crush on her for some time. KENNETH unfreezes and walks to center stage, the other characters remain frozen. KENNETH Life... what is it? Is it the work of some great all-knowing power, or just a series of random events that have no meaning? [Beat.] How the hell should I know. Im only sixteen. I shouldnt have to think about these questions yet. I shouldnt have to think about any of this, but the fact is, I do. [Beat.] Lifes uncertain, but one thing is for sure, its mostly uneventful. In the majority of the days we live, nothing significant happens. And Holden High is no exception. Its more like the rule. Wednesdays are the most uneventful. Its smack-dab in the middle of the week, so theres nothing to look forward to and nothing to look back on... other than more monotony. Nothing ever happens on Wednesdays. And todays a Wednesday just like any other. KENNETH walks back to his seat and refreezes in the same position he was before. After a beat the entire cast unfreezes. DANI and HANNAH are talking at one table and PATRICK and KENNETH are talking at the other. Neither conversations are over heard by the other group. KENNETH (To himself) Ah... shes wearing purple today. Thats her favorite color. PATRICK Dude, just ask her out! KENNETH (Snapped out of his trance) Huh? PATRICK Dani. Your crushy-crush. KENNETH Stop. PATRICK Oh cmon man. Do it already!

2. No. I dont want to. PATRICK Bullshit! Youve only been talking about it since second grade! (Mocking) Danis so beautiful. Danis so amazing. She looks so pretty in purple. You know thats her favorite color? KENNETH Shut up Pat! I dont talk like that. PATRICK Do too. Thats all Ive been hearing since the day we met when you spilled your lasagna all over me. KENNETH So I guess you could say my lunch las-on-ya. PATRICK stares at KENNETH un-amused by the pun. PATRICK Thats not funny. KENNETH Youre right. Im sorry. PATRICK You should be. KENNETH I still feel bad about wrecking your Power Ranger shirt. PATRICK Dont sweat it. I have six of them. KENNETH You have six? PATRICK Had. I meant had. [Beat.] So are you gonna ask out Dani or what? KENNETH

3. KENNETH and PATRICK glance over at DANIs table. She and HANNAH are conversing with each other. KENNETH considers walking over to DANI and asking her out for a beat or two. KENNETH PATRICK KENNETH PATRICK

I... no. Not today. Why the hell not? Because... its Wednesday. So?

KENNETH Nothing ever happens on Wednesdays. HANNAH (To Dani) Do you think hes going to ask you out today? DANI I doubt it. Its Wednesday. HANNAH Hes such a pansy. Why doesnt he just do it? DANI I dont know. HANNAH Have you been dropping him hints? DANI Well, I say hi to him everyday before we go to class and I keeping talking about movies I want to see and-- HANNAH Those are your hint? DANI Yeah... why?

4. HANNAH No wonder he hasnt asked you out yet! DANI What? Why? HANNAH Youre sending him the wrong signals. Youre sending friend vibes, not bow-chicka- wow-wow vibes. DANI Whats the difference? HANNAH The difference is one gets you friends, the other gets you into beds. HANNAH laughs loudly. DANI is made very uncomfortable by that comment. DANI Thats messed up Hannah. HANNAH Hey, dont judge. Whos the one going on all the dates? DANI (Reluctantly) You. HANNAH And whos the one still waiting? DANI Me. HANNAH Thats right! DANI What should I do? HANNAH You gotta let him know youre DTF.

5. DANI DTF? HANNAH Down to fu-- DANI Okay I got it! [Beat.] How do I do that? HANNAH Its easy. Try something like this. HANNAH stands up and walks to a space between both tables. (Loudly so the boys hear) Oops, did I just drop my quarter on the floor? PATRICK (To Kenneth) Oh shit dude, check this out. HANNAH bends over and raises her butt in the air. PATRICKs eyes are fixed on it. KENNETH averts his eyes from staring. HANNAH wiggles her butt slightly before standing back up. HANNAH Oh, I guess not. My mistake. HANNAH walks back to her seat and sits down. (To Dani) Did they see that? PATRICK (To Kenneth) Dude, did you see that. KENNETH Oh yeah, it was nice. DANI I am not going to do that. Ever.

6. PATRICK Liar. You see? Thats what Im talking about. KENNETH What? PATRICK Youre so... pure. KENNETH What does that mean? PATRICK Youre too much of a goody-twos shoe. You cant even stare at a fine piece of ass when it puts itself on display for you. KENNETH Its not right. PATRICK Whats not right is your head. KENNETH What about you? Youre calling Hannah just a piece of ass when we both know you like her. PATRICK Ken, I could never date Hannah. Shes hot as hell, but she been around the block a few too many times. If you know what I mean. KENNETH Yes, I know what you mean. PATRICK Shes been through the entire batting order. KENNETH Yeah, I got it. PATRICK No, seriously. Shes gotten with the whole baseball team. KENNETH For real?

7. Yeah, no lie. DANI (To Hannah) Hannah, youve had sex with the entire baseball team. HANNAH Look, I just throw them the pitch. I cant help it that they all hit home runs. DANI AND KENNETH Thats gross. PATRICK I know. I wouldnt touch that with a ten-foot pole. KENNETH I dont blame you. PATRICK So would you ask Dani out, please? For me? KENNETH No, I told you its Wednesday. Nothing happens on Wednesdays. PATRICK All the more reason to make something happen! KENNETH ponders on PATRICKs proposition. KENNETH Umm... no. Its Wednesday. Asking out the love of your life is a Friday thing. HANNAH (To Dani) Maybe you should just make the move. DANI What? HANNAH Yeah! Why not? Its not the Mid-level Ages! PATRICK

8. Middle Ages. HANNAH Whatever, its not. Girls can ask guys out too. DANI I dont know... HANNAH Seriously, its Kenneth. Hes the guy youve had a crush on since third grade. You know he likes you, so whats the big deal? DANI I dont know, okay? Im nervous. What if Im wrong and he doesnt like me? Thatll ruin or friendship. HANNAH Do you want a friendship or a relationship? Choose one. DANI I dont know. I want both. HANNAH Well, you cant get one without risking the other. DANI Ugh... youre right. HANNAH I am? Thats right, I am. So which is it. DANI thinks it over for a beat or two. DANI This is too big of a decision to be made on a Wednesday. This is a Friday kind of decision. HANNAH bows her head in exasperation. HANNAH looks over to PATRICK. He looks over at her and they exchange a silent stare. PATRICK makes a facial expression to say, "Well?" HANNAH shakes her head to say, "no" that makes a gesture to ask, "what about you?" PATRICK also shakes his head. The tow give each other a glance of silent agreement and nod at each other. DANI

9. PATRICK Ken, youve forced me to do this buddy? KENNETH Do what? HANNAH Sorry Dani, but this is for your own good. DANI What is? PATRICK grabs KENNETHs chair, spins it around, and pushes it towards center stage. HANNAH does the same to DANI. KENNETH and DANIs chair meet in the middle. PATRICK and HANNAH sprint off stage. KENNETH and DANI look at each other nervously. KENNETH Oh, hey Dani. Fancy meeting you here. DANI Yeah, crazy coincidence right? KENNETH Yeah, it is. Awkward silence for a few beats. Hey... hows youre day going? DANI Good. Yours? KENNETH Oh, you know. Nothing special. Its Wednesday. DANI Yeah, I know. KENNETH So...

10. Yeah. DANI (Excitedly)

KENNETH [Beat] Did you... happen to catch the game this Sunday? DANI (Disappointed) Um, no I didnt. KENNETH Well, thats a shame. Cuz it was a doozy. DANI Really? DANI shrugs away a bit disappointedly. KENNETH looks angry at himself. He mouths the word, "doozy" and smacks himself in the head as a gesture of, "Im so stupid". Maybe next week... we could watch the game together? DANI tentatively extends her hand and begins caressing KENNETHs arm. KENNETH is made very nervous by this. KENNETH They have a bye week this weekend. DANI Oh, I didnt know that. DANI shrugs away again and takes her hand off of KENNETH. KENNETH is angry at himself again and mouths, "why did I say that?" KENNETH Yeah... Umm... Maybe we could do something else though? DANI Like what? KENNETH I dont know... maybe we could try that new Italian restaurant and catch one of those movies you said you wanted to see?

11. That sounds like a fun. Okay. KENNETH I understa-- Wait, what? DANI I would like go on a date with you. Date? KENNETH DANI

DANI Oh, I didnt mean date. I meant something else. What I meant to say was-- KENNETH No, its fine. I like that word there. DANI Really? KENNETH Yeah, but I didnt want to say it first. KENNETH and DANI begin to lean in closer. Their lips inch steadily closer and closer together. KENNETH (Just before theyre about to touch) Are we about to kiss? DANI I thought so. KENNETH Okay, just checking. My eyes were closed so I couldnt tell. DANI Shut up and do it. They kiss lightly for a beat or two. KENNETH Wow... so... Ill text you later?

12. Yeah, Id like that. KENNETH Good... This was... yeah. DANI Same for me. Okay, talk to you later. Yeah. KENNETH DANI KENNETH and DANI stand up and bring their chairs back to their original positions, sit down and continue eating their lunch. After a few beats PATRICK enters and sits in his chair. PATRICK Well? She... said yes. Yes! Dude, I told ya! KENNETH PATRICK DANI

KENNETH I cant believe it, but you were right surprisingly. PATRICK What do you mean surprisingly? KENNETH As in its a shock you were correct in this situation. PATRICK Why? Im right all the time. KENNETH All the time?

13. Yes. KENNETH Like the time in English class when you used erotic in a sentence instead of erratic. PATRICK No big deal. KENNETH No big deal? You stood up in front of the class and said, "Mrs. Jones teaches class erotically." PATRICK I--umm--shut up Ken! You know I suck with words! But I was right about this. KENNETH Whatever man. Who knew the best thing ever to happen to me would happen on a Wednesday? PATRICK I know, right? Its a little weird. HANNAH enters and saunters back over to her seat. HANNAH So? Whatd he say? DANI Well, first he asked me if I saw the game this weekend. He used the word doozy. HANNAH What a doofus. DANI I know, but it was kind of cute. But he finally asked me out. HANNAH Howd he do it? PATRICK Howd you do it? What did you say? I bet were about to pass out. PATRICK

14. I was not. DANI I think he almost passed out. He was so nervous. KENNETH I was just like, "Hey Dani. Me. You. Bella Milanos. This Saturday. Ill pick you up at 6." I handled it like a boss. I could tell she was burning with passion. DANI I was sweating like a pig. I thought I was going to throw up. HANNAH Thats weird. I usually wanna throw up after the sex when I sober up and see whos in the bed next to me. DANI Thats disturbing Hannah. Dont ever say that again. PATRICK Bullshit! I call bullshit man! KENNETH Believe what you will, but thats how it went down. PATRICK You dont have the balls to pull that off. KENNETH Oh, but I do. Big dangling balls. PATRICK So if I went and talked to Dani, shed say thats exactly how it happened. KENNETH Absolutely. PATRICK Okay. PATRICK stands up and starts to walk towards DANI and HANNAH. KENNETH grabs PATRICKs arm and stops him. KENNETH

15. KENNETH No wait! Thats... not exactly how it happened. PATRICK Thats what I thought. PATRICK sits back down in his chair triumphantly. KENNETH You just couldnt let me have that one, could you? PATRICK Nope. HANNAH So the little wimp actually manned up and did it? Good for him! DANI I know! Im so excited. Best Wednesday is Holden High history. HANNAH Oh yeah! Youll never guess what happened out in the hall while you were making your love connection! KENNETH What? PATRICK Ian Doolittle was escorted out of school by the police! DANI What?! Why? HANNAH During the random locker search this morning, Mr. Cox found a knife in Ians locker! KENNETH A knife? Like a butter knife? PATRICK No, a switchblade. The kind Latino gang bangers use to shank people. DANI Youre kidding.

16. HANNAH No! They expelled him and called the police to arrest him. KENNETH Wasnt he going to graduate at the end of this semester? PATRICK Yeah, sucks to be him I guess! DANI Thats horrible. HANNAH No its not! He had a knife in his locker. How the hell keeps a knife in their school locker?! What was he planning to do with it? KENNETH What do they think he was going to do with it? Go around and stab everyone in the whole school? Really? PATRICK I dont give a shit what they think he had it for, all that matters is that hes gone now. And I for one, am glad. One less whacko to worry about. HANNAH Yeah, you never can tell about those emo kids. They could snap at any moment. DANI Thats not true! HANNAH Hmph, shows how much you know. Ian couldve had all kinds of crazy thoughts running through his head. What if that knife was meant for you? [Beat.] Or even worse me? DANI Ian never seemed like that kind of person to me. PATRICK AND HANNAH I dont know why you care about Ian Doolittle! PATRICK Its not like you guys were friends or anything.

17. KENNETH No, but sometimes we would talk in the lunch line if he was standing next to me. PATRICK Thats youre problem Ken, youre too nice to everyone. There are some people that shouldnt be talked to. Ever. KENNETH Pat, youre my best friend, but you can be a prick sometimes. You know that? PATRICK Who cares? Ians gone! Its done. HANNAH I heard the police released him to his parents and they are trying to disown him. DANI Oh my God. HANNAH Dont stress it. Its Wednesday. There cant be anymore excitement left in the day. The school bells rings loudly. DANI How is the day only half over? HANNAH Seriously. [Beat.] Oh well. Im actually gonna go to English class today so I can mess with your boyfriend. DANI Hes not my boyfriend. We havent even gone on a date yet. HANNAH Whatever you call it, Im going to toy with him for the rest of the day. DANI Youre so mean Hannah. HANNAH Ill text you later with all the funny details.

18. DANI (Laughing)

Okay, fine. HANNAH and DANI exit.

KENNETH (Dreadfully) I have to get to Mr. Coxs English class. Were reviewing for our "Catcher in the Rye" test on Friday. PATRICK I thought you liked English. KENNETH I do, but Mr. Cox is a douche, and I have to sit next to Hannah. PATRICK Why? KENNETH Cuz shes Danis best friend and you know how that works. PATRICK Yeah. Girls are retarded. Pause. KENNETH looks at PATRICK with amazement. KENNETH Do you just sit around and think of the most offensive things you can say or something? PATRICK What did I say? KENNETH Never mind, youre a lost cause. See ya later. PATRICK Hey, basketball after school? KENNETH You bet! And this time I wont go easy on you!

19. PATRICK Alright! Game on! PATRICK and KENNETH do a ridiculously over-the-top silly handshake. PATRICK exits. Lights fade to black. SCENE 2: LAST CLASS Lights fade up from black on a classroom. There are two desks near center stage facing the audience. KENNETH and HANNAH are sitting next to each other. KENNETH is paying attention to the class. HANNAH is obviously not. After a few beats, KENNETH raises his hand to answer a question. He puts it down as if he was called on. KENNETH Juxtaposing. HANNAH (Whispering) We can do it in any juxtapose you want. I love to experiment. KENNETH (Disgusted) Knock it off Hannah. HANNAH Seriously. Doggy-style, reverse cowgirl, or the missionary position if youre into that kinky shit. KENNETH Youre disgusting. HANNAH Well excuse me. What layed eggs in your ass today? KENNETH I dont know. This Wednesday feels strange. Not like normal. Somethings... different. HANNAH Yeah, I know what you mean. [Beat.] Maybe its because you have a date with Dani this weekend. The girl youve been crushing on since... forever. KENNETH Maybe. I just feels weird though.

20. HANNAH Relax. Youll get in her pants no problem. KENNETH (Shocked) What? HANNAH Im just saying, shes down to go to pound town. And let me say this. Shes all good in the downstairs area. KENNETH Jesus! Would you stop? HANNAH What? I thought youd like to know this stuff. KENNETH Well, I dont. KENNETH raises his hand to answer a question. He puts it down as if he was called on again. J.D. Salinger. HANNAH Danis my best friend, and all I want if for her to be happy. KENNETH rolls his eyes at this comment. For some reason, you do. I dont get it, but whatever. Its her life. So you need to chill out before you go on this date with her. And you better not screw anything up. [Beat.] Unless its her-- KENNETH Im sure Ill be fine. I just need to get out of this room. It feels so uneasy in here. I dont know why. Suddenly, the loud sound of a door being flung open is heard and the lights go out. After a beat, a spot light comes up on center stage. KENNETH walks into the light. I dont know why things happen, they just do. [Beat.] He burst into the classroom and... started shooting. First, Mr. Cox. Splattered his head all over the black board.

21. Some kids tried to run out the back door, but he just picked them off one at a time until Hannah and I were the only ones left. [Beat.] He turned to Hannah. She started crying. He asked her "Do you think that Im a danger to the student body?" She shook her head. He put the gun to her forehead... and pulled the trigger. [Beat.] He looked me directly in the eye... and I saw... sorrow and regret. It was then I knew he didnt want to do this anymore than I wanted him to. (Overwhelmed) As he put the barrel to my head, I didnt feel afraid. I felt angry. I thought, "Why is this happening? Its Wednesday! Nothing happens on Wednesdays!" [Beat.] Then I thought about Dani. God, Im going to her. I hope she got out okay. [Beat.] So, life... what is it? Looking back, I have to say its all random. Because if theres an all- knowing greater power out there that has a plan for all of us, well I sure as hell dont fucking see it! How was this my plan?! [Beat.] It was just another Wednesday, right? No. Its my last Wednesday. Spotlight fades to black. END OF PLAY