An informative talk for the parents of Siena College San Jose Bulacan

MANAGING

Hi! J Im Teachermama Tina Santiago-Rodriguez.

Tina
www.trulyrichmom.com

Tim

Rysse Anthony

Connect with me through www.trulyrichmom.com J

An informative talk for the parents of Siena College San Jose Bulacan

MANAGING

WHAT IS BULLYING?
The selective, uninvited, intentional, often repetitive oppression of one person by another person or group

TYPES OF BULLYING
Physical bullying Verbal bullying Indirect bullying Cyber bullying

WHY DO BULLIES BULLY?

Does not feel loved and/or capable To seek attention To take revenge To prove superiority To cover up for low self-esteem or inadequacies

COMMON TARGETS OF BULLIES (AND HOW TO AVOID BEING ONE)

Children who look different: small, overweight or early maturing girls, etc.
Prepare kids for non-aggressive comeback lines like, Yes, I love to eat, or Maybe I am huge. So what? Do not squirm nor whine.

Those who are slumped and avoid eye contact

Teach kids to practice confident body posture.

COMMON TARGETS OF BULLIES (AND HOW TO AVOID BEING ONE)

Those with poor social skills
Look for a buddy or a group for support, do not isolate yourself

Passive, non-assertive children

Teach kids to stand strong and tall and to say firmly, I dont like it when you do that. Stop it now. Practice assertive delivery to reduce likelihood of harm.

COMMON TARGETS OF BULLIES (AND HOW TO AVOID BEING ONE)

Kindness perceived as weakness (punching bag)
Teach kids to be more assertive

With reasons for the bully to feel envious or insecure

Teach kids to befriend the bully or even compliment the bully, etc.

EXAMPLES OF THE DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS OF BULLIES

BULLY NO. 1: Relationship with Family / Confidence

At home, Rico is the youngest of 3 boys. He looks up to his 2 older brothers who are average students. Ricos mom passed away when she gave birth to him. As a result, his brothers and his father indirectly resent him for taking their mom/wife away. The brothers bully him a lot and the dad does not show much attention to him.

BULLY NO. 2: Trying to Prove Himself

Carlos dad was a basketball star and is now a basketball coach. However, Carlo is not living up to his dads expectations so his dad calls him weak and a disappointment, that he isnt strong enough to play well. Carlo is saddened and angered by this and bullies other kids to feel strong.

BULLY NO. 3: Domino Effect

Paolo is always bullied by his bigger brothers and feels threatened at home. He is angry. His parents have no idea about what is happening. So when he goes to school and sees smaller kids, he takes out his anger on them.

*similar at work when the president gets angry, the next in line gets angry at others

OTHER REASONS: ENVY

Talents and achievements Financial Friends Status Attention

OTHER REASONS: ENTITLEMENT AND POOR ROLE MODELS AT HOME

Johns family is well off and they have drivers and househelp at home. Johns parents love him a lot but treat the househelp disrespectfully, calling them names, shouting, insulting them, etc. Johns parents tell him and make him feel like he is the boss at home, and this carries over in school.

*e.g. Potter and Malfoy

SPECIAL NOTES ON CYBER BULLYING

CYBER BULLYING
Through chat, social media A bashing website where other kids vote for ugliest, fattest, etc. Threats online: I am going to get you and I know where you live, etc.

CYBER BULLYING: WHAT TO DO

Teach your kids to: STOP, BLOCK and TELL, and not to be accomplices of a cyber bully THINK before they CLICK RESPECT others online (and offline!) Get PROOF of cyber bullying so they can report it (screen capture, save conversations, etc.)

HANDLING THE BULLY

HOW TO MANAGE THE BULLY

Ignore Distract Befriend Give a warning Fight back

HOW CAN YOUR CHILD HANDLE BULLIES?

Gain self-confidence
Develop skills and talents

Befriend the bully

Play to the bullys ego

Achieve something the bully respects

E.g. For boys, usually sports-related

Stand up for yourself

Most bullies are all bark, no bite

WHAT CAN WE DO AS PARENTS?

BULLY PROOF YOUR CHILD

ATTENTION AND AFFIRMATION COMMUNICATION TRAINING AT HOME: IMPROVING SELF-WORTH AND HOW TO HANDLE

BULLY PROOF YOUR CHILD

ATTENTION AND AFFIRMATION Spending time and being there for your child This will help you recognize concerns your child may have Quality AND quantity time Develop self-worth Give words of affirmation Catch them doing good and say it! What gets noticed, gets magnified

BULLY PROOF YOUR CHILD

COMMUNICATION
Read cues and use your childs language Help your child open up: use process questions (e.g. So tell me what happened Is this what youre trying to say?... Etc.) Be calm and composed, do not overreact Use ACTIVE LISTENING Always end with affirmation and assurance

BULLY PROOF YOUR CHILD

TRAINING BEGINS AT HOME
Confidence and Self-Worth Teach your child about his or her true identity as Gods child AND your child Discipline Discipline with love and consistence Parenting Style and Family Relations

INDICATORS OF CHILDS LOW SELF ESTEEM

1. Negative behavior/attitude 2. Constant self-belittling 3. Excessive criticism of others 4. Lack of caring about attention 5. Is withdrawn 6. Constantly needs reassurance 7. Easily disappointed

REMINDERS ABOUT SELFWORTH

sense of being LOVABLE and CAPABLE and others confirm this 1. Affirm POSITIVE qualities 2. Catch child DOING GOOD and SAY IT 3. Acknowledge CONTRIBUTION as well as RESULTS

WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS THE BULLY?

1. Boost SELF-WORTH 2. Do not DENY the concern 3. Teach them proper CONFLICT RESOLUTION behavior, SOCIAL and COPING skills 4. Teach ACCOUNTABILITY for their actions (consequences, etc.) 5. Encourage EMPATHY 6. Limit AGGRESSIVE influences (TV, movies, videos, games, etc.)

Source: h4p://ar8cle.wn.com/view/2011/01/18/ Psychological_eects_of_bullying_in_an_educa8onal_seEng/

REMINDERS: FROM ONE PARENT TO ANOTHER J

10 HELPFUL PARENTING RULES

1. Communicate regularly and well with our kids 2. Promote genuine self-worth their identity as Gods children and ours 3. Discipline with love 4. Teach our kids to set personal, academic and life goals 5. Be there for the family as much as possible quality and quantity time

10 HELPFUL PARENTING RULES

6. Develop study habits among our kids 7. Create a conducive environment for studying 8. Encourage love for reading and judicious multimedia use 9. Ensure solid grounding in the fundamentals 10.Emphasize effort more than ability

Acknowledgements
Notes from The Family Congress 2012: Breakout Session on Bullying by Maribel Sison-Dionisio, MA (The Love Institute) and son, Raf and Michele Santos-Alignay, MA (The Love Institute) Notes from Talk on Managing Bullies by Maribel Sison-Dionisio, MA, and son, Raf (July 31, 2012 @Bos Coffee, Greenbelt Makati)