THE SMART NINJA’S

iP RE -A SSAULT CHECKLIST
HI everyone!
Kenny the Helpful Shuriken here!
Your friends in Ninjalistics Human Resources have
asked me to remind you of some important safety and
logistical tips you’ll want to keep in mind for a PRODUCTIVE
and REWARDING major combat operation. Are
you with me? HERE GOES!

BEFORE THE ASSAULT:

 Wash in Grayling Lotus-Leaf De-Scentsitizing solution
to remove all odors
 Make sure your fingerprints are still dissolved away—
remember, they grow back!
 Polish all swords, shuriken, nunchaku chains, and
other weapons—it’s important to make a professional
impression on the enemy
 Memorize the assault team org chart—if your
immediate supervisor dies, who do you report to next?
DURING THE BATTLE:
 Watch your back!
 Check your teammates—are they screaming?
 If you see an exciting opportunity to inflict unplanned
casualties or property damage, get your supervisor’s
approval, send a quick e-mail back to HQ stating your
intention, goals, and best-guess likelihood of success, then
GO FOR IT!

BE SURE YOU BRING: AFTERWARD:

 Lots of weapons!  Woohoo, you survived! Gratz!
 Lots of ammunition and arrows!  Casualties? Have your supervisor (or his or her living
 Lots of poisons and powders! successor) contact HR.
 Gloves (not fingerless)  Immediately after the battle, conduct an inventory.
Complete and submit to your supervisor an Equipment
 Stealth booties
Repair or Replacement form for each broken or lost
 First aid kit, bandages, disinfectant, hacksaw weapon, and one Supply Expenditure form covering all
 Toilet tissue (you never know!) expended ammo, arrows, poisons, powders, medicines, and
 Light snacks and beverages for your squad (don’t be a toilet tissue.
moocher!)

DON’T BRING:
 ID

Have a great assault!

Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Written by Allen Varney. Kenny the Helpful Shuriken illo by Kyle Miller. Find more useful advice at www.ninjalistics.com